The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 4

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. I'm Maddox. With me is Dick Masterson. Hey, happy to be here with you. Happy times. Thank you. Are you serious with your effing sound effects? This guy.

This guy, one thing at a time, either talking or sound effects. That's what we're doing. Are we editing that out? Is that what you're saying? Oh, you mother effer with your edits. You mother effer. Get it out. Pick up.

Pick up from where? Right here. Okay. Happy to be here with you. Happy times. So happy. So happy. I forgot how happy it makes me to talk to you.

Are you sure? It doesn't seem like you're happy. There should be a pre-podcast for this. The biggest problem in the universe. Like the hour leading up to it with the pains in the ass. Yeah. And the fumbling around with sound effects and papers. You know, what Dick's referring to is we had a

false start because everything doesn't work. We have the exact same setup week after week and suddenly everything stops working. So let's go to the board. Let's just get right to it, right? I want to know how you're doing. I'm doing great. Okay. Let's get to the board. Got a new pop filter. So if you guys notice an appreciable increase in the fidelity of this podcast is because I spent $6 on Amazon. It's not because of Sean, our audio engineer. No. Who works to make the show as good as you can? Eh, I mean, I'd say that that's like three percent of the audio fidelity. And you're 110%.

110% my pop filter from Amazon. Okay. All right. Let's check the board. We had a great set of problems last week. I can't wait to see. I think I have a good chance of winning this one. Yeah?

All right. With Tesla. Because everyone hates those stupid electric cars. That's what I'm predicting. Over all the other ones, it's going to be Tesla. You want to put a wager on this? Yeah. If I lose, I get to punch you right in the mouth.

That's what I'm wagering. And if you win, what do you want? I get to punch you right in the dick. That means I'm confused. I confuse myself. I got to get a monocle. All right. That's what that means.

All right, let's start. Back to the board. Last week, the number one problem from the problems we had last week, was other N-words. That's right. People think this is a big problem. You know what? Speaking of other N-words, did you see Jonah Hill getting busted for using the F-bomb? the slur for gay people

Yeah Oh God, I love that And he went on this apology tour And here's the thing I don't nobody believes he's a homophope Yeah No one in their right mind believes he's a homophobe Of course like these guys goaded him

And they got the clip out of it And they're making millions of dollars Off of Jones Hill's suffering and misery Nobody believes his you know Jonah Hill stop apologizing We don't know We don't believe the apology either Like this lame ass apology

These celebrities come out with like Oh God I would never say that like yeah you obviously do say it you obviously say it all the time when you're pissed off you just messed up right well and of course like who cares why I mean he's not he's not he's not a homopopophe like he's not an

I mean I don't know him I don't know he might be he's not a bigot dude come on that guy's not come on because he's famous I don't know that he's not a doy you know he just he doesn't I don't care if he is either way because what he what does he that doesn't affect me at all I'm just saying I don't know that he's not

I can't say I disagree with that All right. Number two on the list is everyone needs to lose 20 pounds. Yes! Hey! Second place, man. Yeah, second place. This is the first time. First loser. I'm number one at being the loser this week. Hey, that means you're still number one. According to my book, I actually wrote about that in alphabet of manliness.

Really? Number two is awesome. Yeah. Second place is awesome. I'm in number two New York Times bestseller. Are you really? You bet. All right. So we're both number one losers. Number one losers. Then comes monkeys. Some people thought this was a problem. Did that stupid problem get six votes? Six votes.

Well, dead last came Tesla. You lose. Not a surprise. How many negative votes are that good? Negative 132. That's a record. That may be a record. That actually might be the lowest problem on the list.

Actually, I think last time I checked it was Maddox, another problem that you brought in during the first episode. I feel like people are not listening to my compelling arguments about why these are big problems. Oh, no, wait. Actually, you're right. a new record. That is the lowest problem on the list, Tesla, on the overall, all-time record of lists. Two wins for me

this week, dude. One win for you, two wins for me. That's more wins. I win. What? That's not, what are you even talking about? That's not a win. And besides, all I do has ever win. We have a couple of comments on the board, which, you know,

your favorite, Dick, because they're usually... No, I hate comments. I don't read them. I know. Because they're usually... Because they're usually, Because they're usually saying. Let me tell you why I don't read comments. Because if you read the comment, they win. Like, all they wanted to do was waste your time by writing garbage. So if you read it, they wasted your time and they win.

If you don't read the comment, then you win. Okay. Let me read you this comment. And you tell me whether it's a waste of time or not. Okay. This is from Christian. This is from Christian. He says, eating monkeys causes Pryan's disease and probably the origin of HIV.

Is it true? Probably, right? It doesn't cause HIV to eat a monkey. But I think what he's trying to say ham-fistedly is that eating monkeys causes Brian's disease. Maybe, I don't know. I haven't looked it up. And he's also trying to say that they're also probably the origin of HIV, which is actually true. Oh, I see what you're doing here. You wanted to mention last week. You forgot to mention that monkeys cause HIV, so now you picked a comment so you can work in your reasons why monkeys suck.

I see what's going on here. Yeah, whatever. Very clever. Very clever what he's doing here. You saw her right through me. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah.

Monkey lover. Great. Make out with your stupid monkeys. What's the next comment? Next comment. There's another guy piling on to the cacophony of interruption. He's Horatio or Horatio, I think it's Horatio, is the guy's name. He says, Jesus dick, shut the fuck up.

You're yapping worse than a woman. Let the fucking man speak his mind. Then go on blabbering. What do you have to say to Horatio? He's a software developer. Does his mom know? know that he's using these obscenities on the internet. Well, Horatio, does she?

No, I get, look, you want to talk like you're passing a baton back and forth, run for office, I guess. That's just not my time. Sorry. Sorry that it bothers everyone so much. They interrupt your precious train of thought. Yeah, well, then the other comment we have is somebody defending the family. They say they don't understand how you have a problem with the concept of a family being

a problem because if you think about it the family is the the base unit of society and of pretty much everything that we know right yeah so if that's bad then you have bad people it's like the root problem of pretty much everything so you just cherry-picked comments that prove what you're saying of course right to re-argue something you already argued correct again i'm so thrilled to be here with you so typical of a maddox conversation so what he's he is saying that families are to blame for everything in society, all of society's ills. Yeah. You know, Dick, you could also cherry pick your own comments and bring them in.

Then they win. They win. They're not terrorists. This is not terrorism. I mean... I'm not reading them. Okay. Because I have new problems to get through, man. Out with the old, in with the new. Let's get to it. Um, my

first problem. And I think, I want, I want you guys to explain to me why it's so fun to screw with me while I'm trying to talk to a beautiful lady. What is it about me that makes it so delightful to fuck with me while I'm trying to get laid? Wait, wait. Is this, uh, what's your problem? Is that your problem? I'm getting to it. Okay. The problem is, the problem is guys who need to get laid.

I agree. Guys who need to get laid. I agree. I was actually just talking about this this weekend. Yeah. Well, I was living it this weekend. Um, you know him. A friend of ours who looks like baby Huey. Okay, I know exactly who you're talking about. Yeah, this guy's like a giant baby. Doofus. Yeah. Well, he does look like a big baby, yeah.

Yeah. So, the guy needs to get laid. He gets drunker than hell. And he proceeds to go on a campaign of game ruining against me talking to this hot girl. And this is literally what happened. Okay, I'm at the point of the conversation where I'm like, where I say, the words come out of my mouth. So what's your dad like? Right?

Wait, wait, wait. You're asking the girl, what's your dad like? Yeah. Oh, boy. You got to know. You've got to get right into the dad stuff. No. Yeah, Sean's giving me a thumbs up.

No, Sean. Two single guys, two single idiots say they say, you think this is good game. You think you should talk about the girl's dad. Because guess what? Yeah. If the girl's dad's an abuser or not in the picture, she's suddenly depressed. And she wants to bang.

She wants to bang that depression right out of her system. That's how it works. You are so hopeless. What? How is that hopeless? Because you want a girlfriend potentially, and you're just going to get these busted-ass women. Look, whatever I want is irrelevant. I'll take what I can get.

And that's what I'm getting is a conversation that's very naturally and very smoothly leading to, oh yeah, so what's your dad like? Then, suddenly, this dummy lumber's over, reeking of day drinking, and immediately start salting the earth. That's my problem with this. This is my whole problem with the thing. Guys who need to get laid, just walk around all day and night, salting the earth, so no one gets laid.

They're like zombies. Like, they multiply. Like, they don't get laid, so then nobody gets laid. And then nobody's getting laid. What's a bigger problem than that? That's a huge problem. Oh, my God. All right.

Where do we even start here? First of all, this guy in particular that we're talking about, baby Huey, we'll call him. He doesn't care. His modus operandi in life is just to have fun. He doesn't give a shit. I was actually with him, this was last weekend, at a strip club for a bachelor party. Did anyone get a lap dance in that strip club, or did he ruin everyone's? Yeah, a bunch of people got lap dances.

I mean, I guess. I didn't see anything. I don't know any names. I don't know anyone. But people may have gotten live dances. What is that? I don't know. It's the bro code.

The bro code. So, anyway, and baby Huey actually did get a couple lab dances. But we were at the strip club. We were sitting at the front and just, you know, whatever fucking, who cares? Strip clubs are weird. I'm not a fan. I just go there. Really?

Yeah, I'm not a fan. What do you do with strip clubs? I don't mind. I'll go. I'm not opposed to them. Okay, here's, let me give you a tip. I'm not to enjoy strip clubs more, because I love strip clubs. I really do.

You try to get stuff for free. Yeah, well, that's exactly what I did. How is that? That's great. That's fun. It was great. I didn't spend a single dollar all night. It was, except for the fucking drinks I didn't know were $10 a bottle of water. That's not bullshit. They were charging $10. Who's drinking water at a strip club? What are you on a health regimen?

No, I was drinking alcohol, but some of the other people were saying, I said, hey, what do you want? They said, just give me a water. So I'd go up and they'd give me a bottle of water. $10. I think that's a bigger brocode violation than saying somebody went to a strip club. They got water in a strip club. They get you drunk and that's how they rope you along. Oh, hey, how about do that dance, big boy?

Let's go back in the champagne room, which is bullshit. But I didn't pay a single dime the entire night. So anyway, we're sitting at the stage. That's how they rope you in, all these naked broads get you drunk and then get naked on you and dance. That's how they scam you, Sean. That's what I'm learning here. So what did Baby Huey do? Yeah, you'll leave a couple hundred dollars lighter.

Oh, whatever. Blue balls. They need it. Enjoy it. Those girls need it, dude. They got no other skills. I need it. Oh, wow.

No other skills. Oh, you think they like to be there? If one of them, if they could type, they would not be at a strip club. Wow, that is unbelievable. That is egregious. I have stripper friends. Some of my stripper friends strip because they like it. It's a fun job for them.

Some of them don't. Some of them have like kids and bills and shit like that, but some of them strip because they like it. Absolutely false. That's ridiculous. What else to, are they trying? to sell you a bridge too that's not true they're just saying that yes dad because they feel bad yeah yeah they're trying to sell me a bridge uh anyway so we're sitting at the stage uh yeah let me let me let me finish this we're sitting at the stage me and baby hughy and uh this girl's dancing she

started so she starts twerking how how how uh what she looked like hot i mean you know what was big thighs what she looked like hot she had big thighs that's the order you go see because i'm getting to I'm telling you, as I recall this moment, the lot of the thing. No, the thing I was looking at was her thighs because she was bent over doggy style in front of us. So, you know, that's her thing. All right, all right. Well, okay, well, you ask for the details. Don't all right, me.

So she's sitting there dancing. She's doing the twerk. She's doing the butt clap. That's a good move. Yeah, it's a good move. And baby Huey goes, oh, it's not that impressive. I could do it. Sulting, dumping salt all over the stage.

It's brilliant because the girl started laughing. She stopped dancing. She started laughing and then doubled over and she turned out. She goes, I like you guys. I want to talk and come hang out. And she did. After she got off stage, she came and hang out with us. And guess what?

Instead of getting some weird money transaction with a stripper, suddenly she's sitting next to us browing out with us. How is it weird? Are you one of those? Are you like, you think it's weird to pay a stripper to do something? I don't like that? Because that's part of the fun. for me. Like the fact that I'm paying for it, I like even more than getting it.

No, that's, that's, that's, that's a weak sauce. I don't pay for sex. I just don't. It's not sex. It's just, it's just, it's whatever. I don't want there to be a money changing hands. What do you mean you don't pay for sex? Yeah, you do. Everybody does. Well, the long con, sure, but I'm not going to pay for it outright. I'm not going to say, oh yeah, you want to sit on my junk and grind and give me a lap dance. Here's $20. That's, that's vulgar. That's vulgar. That's vulgar. Oh boy, oh boy Look at you Prince charming over here

Doesn't pay for sex Because you respect Strippers so much No no no It's not out of respect Because I don't disrespect them I don't disrespect them I don't disrespect them

Then you respect them Oh yeah Yeah so profound It has blown your mind No I didn't Anyway So yeah So she instead of like

Paying for these strippers To give us a lap dance And there's this weird Transaction Then we're like These gardeners And these landscapers who are in there, like trying to get their...

Excuse me? That's most of the clientele at some of these strip clubs are just like... Gardners and landscapes. Mostly gardeners and landscapers. So rather than looking like them with our fish hats... That's weird. What do you...

How do you know? Are they in like their... Did they bring trash bags full of lawn trimmings inside with them? How do you know they're gardeners and landscapers? You know, they're coming in with their weed whackers. I don't know. They just look like, you know, they've done some hard labor. Okay. Yeah, they're kind of rough men.

Okay. Yeah. So anyway, the salting their thing. And they're all gardeners, rough men are all gardeners and landscapers. Oh, sometimes they drive trucks. Okay. Sorry. So what did he do?

So what did you do? Just hung out with a couple of chicks all night. And they just came and sat and talked to us. And it was awesome. And then, you know, when it was going to time for them to make money, they went to find some bozo who was willing. Like me? Yeah.

Like you. Oh, there's a, there's a mark. There's a sucker. Let's go get some money out of his pockets. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, who's getting lap dance? Me. You guys are talking about their problems. Yeah, I don't... Who's the sucker? Who's the real sucker here? We're not talking about problems. We're talking about video games.

Well, I mean, you saw it. You got baby Huey on a good night then. He's great. Because he was, he, like, he tried multiple assaults on my game. And finally, the chick told him to Buzz Off the third time. That's how I knew I really... She's like, hey, hey, buzz off. I got to talk to him about my dad. This is a really depressing story about my dad. And by the way, I can't believe you think that's weird. It's a stupid, do not, that's a terrible question. Maddox, that's a standard play in my game.

Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah. Eternally single. That's you. How is that a bad thing? No, you got me there. Yeah. You're crazy if you don't think the daddy issues are like a never-ending gift to guys.

Like, it's a gift that keeps on giving, man. You're sick, man. What do you hope to get out of that other than potentially laid with a broken woman? Like you need to counsel? Yeah, no, that's the goal. Oh, that's your goal. So, look, that's my problem. Guys who need to get laid, they just make everything worse.

They cause fights all the time. Same guy that I'm talking about has just walked around clubs running into guys because we can't bang a girl. We can't get laid with a girl. He's like, well, I'm going to touch somebody. So it might as well be a guy. It sounds hilarious. This is hilarious. You know what? I was dating this girl for a while

and before we would go out with her friends because they were all pains in the ass she would have sex with me just so I wouldn't be an asshole at dinner. And it worked every time. Like it annoyed me a little bit because it worked because I would just not pay attention

at dinner. I was like, I don't care. Like you say whatever you want. Whatever. I just got laid. These things don't annoy me. And she totally had it clocked. Yeah, she had you number. Yeah, I think if that just happened more, the world would be better. Okay, I agree. If guys just got laid more, everything would be better.

I agree, but I would extend that to women, too. I feel like women need to get laid. And they look at it as they are gatekeepers. So they are the ones giving sex rather than it's something that they receive. Yeah, they are. Yeah. I mean, that's how they view it. That's not the case.

That's how I view it too. What the hell are you talking about? They do give sex. I give sex. Oh, you're out of your mind, pal. No, baby. Women line up around the block for some of this. Yeah, that sounds familiar. Women line up to date guys like me. Oh, actually, yeah, that's a, that you said that on Dr. Phil.

Yeah. And the lady said, well, I'd be at the back of that line. She still would be. Yeah, that's my whole problem. Well, okay. And by the way, and girls, girls do not need to get laid to. Of course they do. They don't, they don't chill out afterwards. They're the same pain in the ass they were before. You know, I've been with women sometimes when they're in bed and they get old uppity and they just won't, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I'll bang them and then they'll go to sleep. And I'll like, thank God, now it can get up and go to work. That, really? Yeah. I just want to get my work done. I thought that's how chicks worked. Yeah, that's what I thought too, until I realized, no, this is like actually, I'm. I'm the one I have shit to do. So you just bang them like a fireman, you hose out that fire and then you get back to work? Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. I hose them out and get back to work. So the reason I agreed with you at the outset of this is because over the weekend I was with a girl. And she... I knew it. Yeah. Yeah, look at that smile. Whatever.

Whatever. Yeah. You know, she did see the smile on her face. So I was with this girl. And she had two male suitors who were trying to get her to come hang out with them. Prince Charming with the male suitors. I was with a debutante. And she had a number of male suitors.

Whatever. So anyway, these two guys were trying to get her to come hang out. And this one guy was like really laying on the guilt trip. He said, well, yeah. He was like trying to guilt her. I mean, that can work. I've seen it work. Yeah.

It works for pathetic people and broken women. Yeah, but they got it all. They got it figured out. Like, I can't do it. I've tried running that game and it does not work for me. I don't know how they do it. Yeah, but don't you want some fucking self-respect? Don't you want to be able to look in the mirror and like who you see?

Do you want to look in the mirror and see some pathetic, groveling dipshit? Oh, please, please, give me some of your pussy. Please come over. Oh, what can't you please come over and just hand me to just put a little bit of a vagina on me. Come on. It's pathetic. Yeah.

Stand up straight. I don't know. It's not very pathetic if no one knows about it, I guess, is my philosophy on it. Like, I agree with you. I like to sound like a cool guy, too. But if it worked, then I knew. how to do what I would do it. It's so lame.

And it doesn't work because it just comes across. What happened? Yeah. So he kept like, he kept, uh, he kept saying, oh, please come, just come out. Oh, I thought we were friends. I thought we were going to come out, whatever. Just trying to manipulate her into like coming out and hanging out. And of course she said, no, fuck off. Like this, you're a loser.

Why would I want to hang out with someone like that? Nobody wants to hang out with someone desperate. So what did that? That seems like it made you look good then. Well, yeah, of course. He's obviously a guy who didn't get laid. He didn't get laid. But that's a problem because there's,

And it wasn't just him. It was his friend and his friend. And you know what? She would have gone over there, not had sex with him, not had sex with you. Nobody's having sex. It's a huge catastrophe. That's what I'm saying. Well, that's not how it turned out.

Right, but. Right. Still a problem. It is a problem. I'll give you that. So what's your first problem? Let's get to my, yeah. Let's get to my first problem this week is dogs.

With the sound effects. Such jackassery. I got a request for more sound effects, actually. From who I think you're talking about? Okay, good. I'm glad he asked for more sound effects. Great. It's not just, it's everybody.

Everybody loves the sound effects. So, dogs are the chicks of the animal kingdom. Right? And if you think about it, listen to this. Listen to them. Listen to that. Yeah. Who would want anyone or any kind of animal, anything, any person in their lives?

Sean, you look like your... Sean wants to say something. He looks like a dog about to pounce on a big juicy steak over there. I can't let it pass because this is exactly what you said about monkeys last week. It is. You said monkeys are the chicks of the animal kingdom. Yeah. Listen to them.

Dogs. Played a sound bite. Yeah. Well, I guess we got your template down. You got monkeys and dogs are the chicks of the animal kingdom. So why are the chicks of the animal kingdom? Because they are loud? They're emotional.

They're the most emotional animals out there. You can't leave a dog alone for five minutes, otherwise it'll get sad and depressed. You have to walk it every day. You can't leave it in your car. Yeah. Right? Like you can't. No, you definitely can't leave it somewhere where it will die.

You can leave a child in the car. You definitely can't do that. I mean, come on. You can, but a child knows the crack a window. Dogs are stupid. All right. Come on. So they're needy?

They're needy. They're emotional. They get super sad and super happy over nothing. They're just, they're like these stupid emotional weather veins. That's what they are. You know, they blow in the winds, the winds of emotion. They can be neurotic. Is that what you're saying?

They're very neurotic. Dogs shit everywhere. Did you grow up with dogs? No. Okay. That explains some of your misperceptions about dogs, I think. They're not all like that. Just dogs raised by crazy people are like that.

Well, okay, so I've seen the three types of dogs. There are the dogs that are very... Big dogs, little dogs, and medium-sized dogs. No, the dogs, I've seen some really friendly, you know, family-type dogs that are, you know, moderately active. They'll play catch with you, and they'll kind of chill the fuck out when you go to the park. Then I've seen the dogs that are almost dead. Like, why are you keeping that thing alive? excuse me

it is it is just it's on its last legs it's hobbling around it's fat it smells its hair is maddy it just makes me depressed and then I see the dogs

well you know because they love it that's why they keep it around just to answer your question just so you know it's not a rhetorical question that's why it's around but why companionship

great why don't you just keep a fucking ball of yarn an old ratty smelly ball of yarn around like what's the point the dog doesn't do anything It doesn't do anything. It's just there.

It's like having a pet snake. Have you ever had either a pet dog or a pet snake? No. Okay. I had a dog for a night. It was a Pomeranian. What was her name? I don't know.

Get it? Okay. All right, dude. So I had a dog for a night, and it was, I was sleeping in my front yard in a tent. And all of a sudden, in the middle, like 3 a.m. How old were you when you were sleeping in the tent? It was probably about 11. Okay.

This dog ran into the tent. And it was a teepee, actually. I set up a teepee in my line. There we go. All right. So you set up a teepee when you were 11 because you wanted to see if all the, like, what, the stuff about teepees was true? What's stuff about, no. I was just hanging, like camping out into a teepee.

Okay. Yeah. So this dog ran into the, to the, to the teepee and scared the shit out of me. But it was a very delightful dog. It was very smart, very friendly. Yeah. And this dog immediately took to me and just wanted to sleep next. to me. It was an awesome dog. Sure. I, you know, I get it. Dogs are cool. And then what

happened? Well, I found its owner and returned it to the owner. Okay. Yeah, that's that. But, uh, you know, dogs are cool. They're fine, but they shit everywhere. The reason I don't have a dog is because they shit so much. I don't want to, I don't want to deal with it. And I don't want to have to... No, that's a big, that's a big issue. Yeah. Cleaning up dog poop is a big issue. I don't know if it's the biggest problem in the universe, though. You're just saying dogs are, dogs raised by crazy people are crazy? Well, the owners are worse than the dog. Well, I agree.

Because you can't hit the owner when nobody's flicking. No, that's horrible. I don't mean that. Yeah. Well, you know, there's 83 million dogs in the U.S. And there's 95 million cats. I can tell you, I've stepped on dog shit at least 20 times in my life. I've stepped on cat shit never.

Yeah. And there are more cats out there. So is dog poop the problem, or is it dogs? It is... What else you got besides the poop? Yeah, the dog owner. Well, they're so, and people, here's, here's my number one problem, I guess, with dogs. Okay.

Is that their owners can't shut up about their dogs. Like, dog people just become dog people. Like, that's it. Oh, how old is he? What's his mix? Where's he cook? Oh, how, let's see his teeth. Can he do any tricks?

Oh, wow, she's really cute. She's really sweet. You know what? You're right. I think that you should love babies. I know, I think, I'm not sure if you hate babies or not, but babies totally put an end to the type of dog relationship you're talking about. Like when someone's way too into a dog, a baby comes,

and they're like, who, dog who? Yeah. Babies, babies, I'm not sure if they do actually put that. Babies are the kryptonite for dogs. Are they? Oh, yeah. Yeah, as soon as that baby arrives, dogs out the door. Well, so because this symptom, people not being able to shut up about their dogs is the symptom.

And the problem manifests itself to the point where you can't even tell whether or not people are talking about their dogs or their children. No, they're talking about themselves. When people are talking about their dogs, they're talking about themselves. Well, yeah, I mean, sometimes. But if you, so I actually have a game that we can play today. I brought in a bunch of headlines Okay And we got some game show music this time too

Great So I got some headlines That are Dogs or children What are they talking about? Dogs are child Okay So I'm going to read the headline

Can Sean play too? Sean's playing, you guys are both playing What do we win? You win a bunch of the dick All right That sounds like a pretty good prize Yeah Okay, so if you get it right

I'll reward you So I'm going to read this and... Yeah, we get it. Read the headlines. All right. All right. First one is, boyfriend charged with blank abuse after Blank's death. Is that a dog or a child? Oh, a dog. I'm going dog.

Because it wouldn't be in the paper if it was a kid because it happens all the time. That could be either. But... So you win a punch in the dick either way. Yeah, Sean, I'm sorry, that's wrong. That's wrong. And Dick, also wrong. That is a child.

Boyfriend charged with child abuse after toddler's death. Okay. Okay. So number two is... So not a good trick question. Not a good... Right out of the gate. Well, you got it wrong, so that is a good trick question.

Oh, God. All right. Yeah, there's a 23-year-old boyfriend of Marissa Anderson was arrested on child abuse charges on Saturday, just hours after an Orange County judge increased Anderson's bond to $80,000. What's the next headline? Next one. Police officer saves blank from...

from vehicle submerged underwater. Dog. Yeah, I'll agree. Yeah, dog. Correct. That is a dog. Good job, Sean. Good job.

Okay, next one. Blank dies after being hit by car. Dog. I'll go child on this one. Oh, dick. I'm sorry. And Sean, it is a child. Good job.

It feels like, but it feels like you could be either one in all of these headlines. Yeah, that's the point of the game. That's why it's a fucking game. That's why I was saying you can't tell if they're talking about the dog or the child. No, I read that story. The kid was running across the street to sniff a poodle's butt and got hit by a car. See, that's funny. Yeah.

Like if you had said, Blank runs across the street to sniff a poodle's butt and had us guess that, that would be a better headline. Well, that wasn't the actual headline, though. Because you think it was a dog and it was a kid. That is pretty funny. That is very funny. Yours is just like. That's just so honest. I get, you know, Sean, I wish I had that.

That's actually true. Your game is just like a guy beat his girlfriend's blank to death. Like, oh, God, I don't know. It's horrible. It could be either one, though. Yeah, exactly. That's the point. Okay, so here we go.

Here's the next one. Blank, left home alone, escapes fire. A dog, dog. I'm sorry. It's child. All right. You idiots. All right.

Can we not play this game anymore? No, no. You can not play this game anymore. How many more of these headlines do you have? Just a few more. You made your. point. This is a game.

We're playing the game to its completion. All right. All right. Next one. It could probably be more than just a dog or a kid, too, if I'm honest. Go ahead. Read the next one. No, no, really.

Let's see. Let's find out. Let's find out. Let's find out what else it could be. Great. Ask blank lady column. Dinner game may have gone too far. So this is an advice column.

What's the blank? Okay, the blank, I'll read it again. It's Ask Blank Lady column. Dinner game may have gone too far. So it's the name of the column. Dating advice. That fills the blank. Ask dating advice columnist.

The dinner game may have gone too far. Ask dating advice lady column. Yeah. Dinner game. No, that's, no. It works. It fits. It does not.

No, it's scientists. It's kid. It's dog. This is dog? You guys are all idiots. So she's what? She's giving dog advice for dinner parties? How did this game end?

Dog advice for, I don't know. It says an advice column. It's for dogs, I guess. I'm so confused. We got to stop playing this game. No, we got a couple more. Dude, a couple more? You suck.

You guys suck. This game sucks. This is a horrible game. You're a horrible game. All right. Wait, wait, so your problem is dogs? No, no, hold on. How about shitty game shows?

That's a pretty big problem in the universe. How about shitty co-hosts? How about that? Okay, what's the next one? Do we really have to go through all these? Read the next one. I'm sorry, Dick, do you have something else you'd like to talk about? You want to go back to your insulting the earth about your fucking dating because you can't get laid?

Jesus. Oh, I. Yeah. Mm. Didn't. I pull out of it, man. Cultures clash over forced blank marriages in Pakistan. Kid.

Yeah, it's a child. Correct. Oh, my God. What? Now you're just reading headlines. Yeah. Of arranged marriages. Yeah, okay.

Well, you got that one. I got a headline for you. Yeah. Blank Prodigy plays at Carnegie Hall. Child. That's the answer. Great. I thought for sure it was dog on that one.

Good joke. Good joke, dick. All right. We have a World Cup. Here's what it would look like if we sent Blanks to play in Brazil, 2014. This dog. Sean? Yeah, it's got to be like a GIF or something.

Correct. We got two more. Is there anything I can do to stop this game show early? Two more of these? Two problems. Go. Do you have any cup? content dick fuck no no

jesus fuck me all right do you not give your blank ibuprofen dog Sean I'm gonna go child it is dog

I'm sorry Sean you're an idiot classic dog advice the final one so you know that being a dog owner yeah okay the final one is blank hit and killed by garbage truck

and Toll. What was the last word? Kid. It's the name of the city. Toella. You say kid, Dick? Sean? Well, I mean, it's both. It happens all day, every day. I'll go dog. Either one happens.

Well, let's... He's randomly picking one. No, let's hear the clip. A five-year-old boy was killed in Tollah this afternoon when he was hit by a garbage truck while riding his bike. All right. This was a kid. Sorry, Sean. That was a kid. Well, the score is you're both at zero.

That's not true. I feel like we all lost anyway. Sean's three, dicks two. So what's the problem with dogs? What is your real root problem with dogs? Is the people? People have a weird... People are narcissistic and they brag about their dogs all the time?

People are obsessed with their dogs. They bring them everywhere. And here's the thing. I see dogs in Target. I see dogs in grocery stores. Yeah. I see dogs in malls. And people bring their dogs like they're family members.

They're not, first of all. And second, people have allergies to dogs. So when you're bringing your little mutt with you everywhere you go, you're not taking into consideration other people might be having a really shitty time because your fucking little mangy mud is with you. I guess so, but not a lot of people have allergies to dogs, do they? Does it matter? Yeah.

It's a matter how many people have allergies, dogs? How do you know? Because it's like, that's the same thing that, like, annoying parents, say about don't bring peanut cookies into class because my kid has a peanut allergy. Oh, everybody's not the same. Not everyone's carrying peanut cookies with them to the mall and grocery store. This is dogs. Okay.

How inconsiderate do you have to be in order for you to say, okay, I want to have my pet with me. Therefore, I don't care that you're miserable. Like, it's the most inconsiderate thing that you don't think that's a problem. Nah. Okay. Well, not really. There's no reasoning with dick. I just don't think that dogs are that big of a problem.

They're cool. Right. So your rebuttal is, I don't think dogs are that big of a problem. Well, I agree with you about the narcissism. Like, I agree with you that it's annoying, that people brag about their dogs. But if it wasn't dogs, it's anything else. They talk about themselves when they're talking about dogs. They talk about themselves when they're talking about babies.

They talk about themselves when they're talking about music. They talk about themselves when they're talking about movies. It's all me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah. That's a pretty big problem. Right. but this is a very specific one. Them bringing their dogs everywhere they go.

Okay. Yeah, that's my problem. I'm on board for that. Okay. What's your number two? College. Oh, boring. Geez, can we move on?

Do we have to talk about this? Oh, no. Blah, blah, blah. All right, Dick. What's your problem? Okay. It's worthless. I would agree with that.

It's just about drinking. It's drinking in drama. Yeah. That's college. Right. That's what it teaches you to do. Yeah. And here's a stat for you.

The price of college has increased by 1,200% in 30 years, more than anything else. Yeah. Has the value? No. No. The value has gone down because college diplomas are easier to get than they've ever been. So people are, they're printing them. You know, it's like a false currency.

They can print them as many as many as they want. There's no Fed that's going to regulate it. there's no inflation to college degrees. Yeah. So they just print them out. Now, a bachelor is basically worthless. It's like a high school diploma. If you don't have a bachelor, then you're worth us.

No, that's true. That's a good point. Like, people think that you might not even, you might as well not apply for a job if you don't have a college degree. Right. And it doesn't teach, like, you don't come out of college with any skills. Right. People that don't even know how to write.

Like, you don't even know how to write papers. It's like, oh, I wrote one 30-page term paper, and it was nearly a life-ending crisis to do so. Yeah. that's what I did in college. Right. I totally agree. Yeah. College, people ask me a lot of times to say, hey, Maddox, what should I take in college?

What should I go into? And I say, or should I even go to college? And I tell them, I ask them the following question. I said, I ask them, are you driven and are you self-motivated? Do you have any aspirations? Do you have anything that you want to do in life? Because if you do and you're good at it, then do it. Otherwise, if you don't, if you have no direction, if you have no idea what you want to do, then go to college.

Why not? Because you will get exposed to a lot of different fields and a lot of different disciplines. Is that a good thing? Yeah. Getting exposure to different fields? If you don't know what you're doing, then absolutely yes. Yeah, I don't know about that. Does it need to cost your parents like thousands of dollars every year for you to kind of poke your head into a...

Oh, uh-uh. No, it shouldn't cost your parents anything. Parents are paying for college. No, I paid for every dime of my college out of my pocket. Everybody else's parents are paying for college. Well, a bunch of slackers. Well, yeah. So that's a pretty big problem.

I guess. I mean, you're, by the way, you're paying for this problem, too, because if everybody paid for their own, if everybody had to pay for their own, it would be a lot cheaper. Right. But you're getting nailed because parents are footing the bill. Oh, yeah, sure. So you're having to pay parents rates. Yeah, I didn't go into any debt when I went to college.

I worked about 60 hours a week at my shitty job at a time. telemarketing company programming, and then I also put my way through college. Yeah, I paid for all of it. Yeah. Was it worth it? No. No. Absolutely not. I have nothing to show. I am within one degree, one test of graduating with a math degree in college. And your life would be no different. No different. If you had that degree. Yeah, people ask me all the time and say, hey, why don't you go back and take the test? Well, first of all, I have. I've taken the test three times. The first time, you know, I came within one point of passing, and it was heartbreaking. And then the second time, I came within two points, and the third time I came within three points.

So, you know, I can see the downward trend. I can see the pattern. And I realized that I changed careers, and I'm a writer now. I'm a New York Times bestseller. So what do I need a math degree for? And you don't have a writing degree for that. I don't have a writing degree for that. In fact, they put me in the most remedial writing class in college.

When I took the test, the writing placement test, they put me in the lowest writing class that I could possibly take. And ironically, I learned more in that class than anything else I learned in college, which was fascinating because my teacher almost got fired because he refused to follow the curriculum. And that's the only reason I learned anything

is because he taught us things that he felt that we needed to learn like critical thinking, rather than just writing. And editing, I would think. Don't say a bunch of stuff that's not necessary. Oh, concision. Yeah. I don't know where I learned that, but it wasn't that class.

Oh. Well, here's my problem with it. I think that colleges have basically, it's basically like they've convinced everybody that if they don't get their kid a college education, then their kid's screwed. It's like feel good insurance for your kids, which is very manipulative if you think about it. You think it's manipulative for parents to tell their kids that they are going to be well-offer. if they go to college. Yeah, because the only stat, like the only anything I could find in support of colleges, like the only reason that they say to go is that you'll make a million dollars in your lifetime. Like, you make people with degrees, make a million dollars more than people without degrees.

So they're basically saying, look, until college costs a million dollars, you got to send them. Yeah, I guess. Here's the thing. If parents, if you knew nothing else about your child, about your child, about your child, future and you wanted to guess you wanted that child to have the best possible outcome you would probably send them to college but why what can we do to stop that so i don't think it's necessary well i don't know and people laugh at you if you suggest otherwise like if you're like well why you send him to a trade school like oh my god a plumber i don't want to i don't want my kid to have plumbing

skills i want to have an art history degree look there's a way out there's a way into success without college and the way to success without college is you got to work your ass off and teach yourself something like I taught myself programming for the longest time and then actually I got the the theoretical education as well in computer science in college I was a computer science major for a long time that helps but if you're not driven and motivated by yourself then yeah you probably should go to college because otherwise you're going to be what a fuck up you're not doing anything yeah so it's college is for some I would say college is good for some people I don't think it's this necessary requisite for all people. In fact, I went to college with the guy who

created Winamp. He was in my computer science class, and the guy should not have been there. It was very clear. He was constantly correcting our professor in class, pointing out errors in his syllabus, and the lesson that he was teaching us. Our professor didn't know very basic things about C++. Yeah. And this kid was constantly raising his hand, and he wasn't doing it to be a snot. He was just like, no, that's just incorrect information. You're misleading everybody in class. And he was trying to teach us. And so he would finish his assignments within, I don't know, 10 minutes of the class. And the rest of the time, he would write 3D models and work on Winamp. It was incredible. So people like that should not be in college. I would even argue that people

like me, after a certain extent, after two years, I didn't get anything out of college. But when I went to college, the way I took my classes was to take things that were genuinely interesting to me. That's why I took a lot of physics and things like that that I didn't need to take. But, and it's still, you would write it off because the cost is outrageous. Like, you could spend an hour on Wikipedia and get the same exposure

that you get at a college. Right. You get a university. Yeah. It's a big joke. Big scam. Yeah, I agree. And it takes everybody in their prime, right when they're, like, 18 to whatever, and just lets them sit in a babysitting campus

instead of working. You know, That said, I would still say about 60 to 70% of the population should probably go to college. Really? Yeah. 60% to 70%. So what end? Like, what do you really think they get out of it? Well, they might get exposed to something that they didn't know beforehand.

Like what? Well, for example, I was in a college bookstore, a university bookstore one time, and I came across this book that seemed fascinating, and I looked into it, and it was a course that I'd never even heard of. It was called Family and Consumer Studies, and it was all about consumerism and the sociological aspect of consumerism. And I took that class just because the books seemed interesting. I would have never been exposed to that school of thought and that ideology had I not been in that bookstore and not gone to college.

There's a fallacy that's called what you're doing. Yeah. Like where because you experience something, it's worth it? Do you know the name of that fallacy? Because that's what it is. There's a lot of fallacies. Yeah. I don't know what that one is.

but I mean Am I wrong? Yeah Oh my not? Yes Because it's like saying That you were exposed to something Because you did something

Doesn't mean you should It doesn't justify doing the thing Because you're exposed to things all the time Yeah but how else would you be exposed to an experience that's good Just by like you know That specific experience Going to having a job No

No I had a job for nine and a half years You didn't get exposed to anything while you were working Well a few things But they were all very tension gentially related to my job, or very, very directly related to my job, rather. How do you get exposed to something that's completely, like, a different trajectory from what you're learning, what your education is? You hit random article on Wikipedia. Yeah.

Ten minutes, random article, random article. Yeah. Then you're reading about, like, some squid somewhere. Where does that get you? Well, that's my problem. Not a problem. Let's get to a real problem. and Dick, I know you will disagree with me on this because we've had this argument in real life.

Okay. This is a big problem. And some of this problem was made up by my last problem. But here it is. My problem is expensive steak. Steak. expensive steak? I'd say anything north of about $30.

Okay, I wouldn't say that, but go ahead. I know you wouldn't. So, and I, what's that in euros? Like 20? I don't know. I'm guessing. It's like 20 euros. All right.

Yeah. So expensive steak is a rip-off because I've had lots of steak, and I've had some really expensive steak, and I've had some cheap steak, and I've had everything in between. and the best steak I've ever had was probably about $110 steak, $110, $120.20. The second best steak I've ever had was $30.

Okay. And it was incredible. I still remember that steak. I remember both stakes. They were both really good. Yeah. But $110 to $30. I'll take the $30 steak

over the $110 steak any day. So what's your problem? that restaurants are charging too much for steak that's not as good as the $30 steak you had? Yeah, restaurants, just in general, it's just this false market. People are wasting money on steak. Wasting money on steak. So if I'm going to the Pacific Dining Car for like a $60 baseball steak, I'm wasting money. Yes.

And for those who don't know, the Pacific Dining Car is a very expensive 24-hour steak restaurant in Los Angeles. It's great. Always great. They got a million-dollar meat locker in there. Did you know that? Yeah. They got a meat locker that's got a million dollars with the meat. How about that?

I'm sure they think it's worth a million dollars. I'm sure they'll tell people it's worth a million dollars. Do you know what steaks are? Steaks are the diamond of the food industry. They can make up the rate. They can make up the cost. They can tell you it's worth anything you want, and then you pay $100,000 for your steak

and you can't sell it for anything. Nobody wants it. Nobody else will pay for it. It has zero market value. It's not fungible. It's just a piece of meat that you bought that somebody ascribed a price to and you're just paying it like a sucker.

No. Yeah. Why don't you go to go get a steak and then get a lap dance? That's just like the perfect sucker night out. So, going to a fancy restaurant and paying a premium for a steak that you know will be well made, to you, is a problem. Mm-hmm. Right, of course. What part of that is a problem?

What would you rather it be? Like randomly go around and pay $10.99 for a steak and just cross your fingers? No, you don't have. have to pay a lot of money for a good steak. You do if you want one reliably. Yes, you do. There's no reliable. There's no reliable.

You can make your own steak. There absolutely is. No, here's the thing. The restaurant, like, unless you go to a really high-end restaurant where they're going to the butcher and picking out the steaks, you know, the chef is doing that from a really good butcher, which, by the way, there's no guarantee you're going to get a good cut of meat just because they bought it grass-fed and free range and all that other bullshit. But that's what the money's for.

guaranteeing that you get a good steak experience. No, but there's a cognitive bias going on. You see, you're paying a lot of money. There we go. Yeah. All right. Here we go. So you're paying a lot of money.

And then because you paid a lot of money, you think you're getting the value. But that's not the case. That's not necessarily the case. So what you're saying is that I don't know what I'm talking about when I'm paying a lot of money for a good steak. Basically, I'm so stupid that because I dropped the $100, I will never admit that this steak wasn't as good as what it could be. Right. Because you would be a fool not to. Yeah. It's the Ben Franklin effect. So there's no possible way for that to be disproved. Just throwing that out there. Well. Because no matter what I say about the quality of the steak, I'm saying it because I paid a lot of

money for it. Yeah, you have to believe that. Yeah. You convinced yourself that it's a good stake because you paid a lot for it. Otherwise, you'd be a jackass. I think if you reliably ate expensive stakes, you would not think that anymore. You can't possibly know because it's possible that every single expensive steak you've ever had you've thought was good because you paid so much for it. Yeah. I'm trying to get to the bottom of why you think this is a problem.

Sean, did you want to chime in on this? Do you think that no one has ever sent an expensive steak back? I'm sure they have, yeah. Why do you think they sent it back? Status. Pompousness. They're at a meeting. Does anybody... I was just curious. Yeah. Good question. Does anybody do

things for genuine reasons in your mind? Sure they do, but not when there's money at stake. But not if they have money. That's the root of this. You just don't like rich people. No, no, I didn't say that. If there's money at stake, if they have a financial incentive, then

you have to question their motives. So in your mind, a $10 steak would be horrible, right? You wouldn't order a $10 steak, would you? Sure, why not? In general, you would like go to a plate, you order a $10 steak, it comes back, as like a eighth inch thick piece of crap with fake charbroil lines on. That's not what you described.

You just said an $8 steak, a $10 steak. If you describe a shitty steak like that, then yeah. That's what you should be expecting if you order a $10 steak. I've had great cheap steaks. So in your mind, if you see steak on the menu 1099 and you order it, you think, well, this could be the most amazing steak I've ever had, or it could be horrible. Equal chance of both. 50-50.

It's a coin toss. I don't know that it's 50. 50, like I wouldn't trust necessarily that a steak coming from sizzler or, you know, like an olive garden type place is going to be a good steak. On average, would you say, what would you rate it? If you were to pay 1099 for a steak, just on average, what number would you give it on a scale of zero to 10? 10 being delicious.

Well, I don't know. It depends. It depends. It comes with the side of fettuccini and shrimp. Just a steak. On a scale of 10? 0 to 10. I would guess it would be about a 5.

About a 5. Okay. So if you were to pay $20 for that stake, what do you think it would come in at? Or let's go with 30. What would you expect? I would expect about a 7. You would expect about a 7? Yeah.

And if you notice a trend here that as the money... Well, 2 does not make a trend. Okay. What if you paid 50? What would you expect? Yeah, still about a 7. So once it hits 30 That plateaus.

So there is no way to expect better than a seven from a steak restaurant. No. Not unless you know the reputation of the place or you know that this place has, I don't know, they're doing something special to the stake. And if you know all that, shouldn't you pay for it?

If they've established a reputation, shouldn't you have to plop down another 20 bucks for it? Go back to the steak that you're spending so much money for. Say you've spent $80 on a steak. And you'd say, wow, that's a great, that's a great steak. Probably delicious. I got some Roke for cheese on there. Cheese, get out of here, man.

Why would you want cheese on your steak? It's a steak. It's good. Get out of here. It's a steak. It's not a piece of fucking garlic red. Get out. Your fucking cheese.

Give me my meat. So then what? Yeah, I don't want to get constipated. So you get your steak. You don't know if they, if you had bought, say, I don't know, paid $70 for that steak, if you would have gotten an equal quality steak or $60 or $50. My theory is around after $30, you will not see an appreciable difference in the quality of the steak. I don't even know how to wrap my head around that.

I've just like, if you can't expect more than a seven, why are you even, like, what are you even going for? I want a nine, man. How can a great steak? What am I supposed to do if I want a nine or a ten? How can you, how can you be assured? See, everybody's kind of like pulling the wool over your eyes and telling you like, hey, dick, come into our restaurant, buy you. I know what a good steak tastes like, jackass. No, you think you do.

No, I definitely know. Because you've been told this is a great steak. Hey, pay lots of money. We'll give you a good steak. Oh, you want a good steak, buddy, come right in. You might be eating shit your whole life. You don't know because people have been telling you it's good. You won't think I just won't go, you don't think I won't just go to another good restaurant?

Like, that one was horrible. I'm going to go to another one. And who's saying it's good? By the way, me. I'm saying it's good. I'm saying I like Pacific Dining Car over Mastros. Because I like the quality. of the steak there, it's slightly different.

They're both just as good as one another, and I would pay $60 for both, but I prefer a Pacific Dining Car. Great. And before you went to either of those restaurants, they had an out-of-this-world reputation, didn't they? I didn't know. Yeah, of course.

They've been around for 100 years. All right, they have that reputation, and guess who made that reputation? You think just everything is a scam, don't you? Not everything. Not everything. But who created that reputation? Them by making amazing steaks.

Or them by putting out ads, exactly. So in your mind, McDonald's could start a marketing campaign about the quarter pounder being the most delicious Angus beef in the world. And in a year or so, I'm so stupid that I'll think it's true and go plop down $70 for a Big Mac. Hey. Is that possible in your mind? Well, not $70, but they could increase the brand value of their food. Yeah, McDonald's actually tried this with the Arch Deluxe menu.

They failed, but they tried it. Different companies have tried that with different brands, and they've tried to make premium brands and they try to create, you know, luxury. Apple is a luxury computer product. Same with DeBee's. Apple's great. No, it's garbage. Apple's better than PCs. No, it's not.

It's garbage. No, it doesn't always work. You get out of here. You get out of here. We always have problems with our apples. Every single hour. Well, in here, we're using Sean's, you know. What problems do we?

No, the only problem we had today was your jackass soundboard on your piece of shit netbook, neither of which was made by Apple. Everything else works great. Yeah, your phone battery's always done. You have to go to the Apple store every time your battery with your tail between your legs. You got to get your battery replaced. You know what? Let's stick to the meat.

Yeah, let's stick to the meat. It's like the diamond industry, exactly like De Beers. De Beers created a false market for diamonds. They inflated the value of diamonds by creating artificial value, and that's exactly what they're doing with stakes. Comparing steak to diamonds is fucking retarded. It's not anywhere near the same thing. You know, the only time a steak could be worth anything more than a netherly. Then $30.

Yeah. Which, by the way, is a completely arbitrary value based on you. It's based on my considerable life experience. Empirical evidence. So I've had lots of stakes. I've had very expensive stakes and very cheap stakes. Around $30, you're not going to see much of a difference. The most...

So... Go ahead. What? Go ahead. I'm just taking it in. Okay. So unless they did something special to the meat, like Kobe beef, which by the way.

Oh, and here's one for you, Angus beef. It's pure marketing. There's no such thing as Angus beef. They're not selling Angus beef at expensive steakhouses. It doesn't say Angus beef baseball steak at the Pacific Dining Car. Then what is it? Kobe. Is it Kobe beef?

No, it's aged. There's all kinds of stuff that goes into making a good steak. Are you kidding? That's why they got a million-dollar meat locker. But age... I'll be damned if I'm going to sit here and let you... You sucker. Go what, Sean?

I was just going to say it's it's dry-aged USDA Prime, which is a government stamp they put on. I mean, choice, and then prime is better than that. And then they dry age it for 28 days. Guess who's on the USDA Board who developed that stamp and that certification process? So you think there's a meat conspiracy? No, it's not a conspiracy. This is not secret. It's public knowledge.

This is what they do. They go to the government and they say this is what we certify as this cut of meat. And aged meat, like, what's the big deal? I've had aged meat. It's fine. It tastes good. Sure. Can you, wait a minute.

Can you tell the difference between a good steak and a crummy steak? Why don't you test me? Well, you've had all these steaks. What do you mean? Can you just tell me? I would love. I would tell what a dry-aged steak tastes like compared to a regular steak because it tastes different. Yeah, I know.

The meat breaks down. The enzymes break it down. That's why it's better. It's more tender. Don't condescend me, you fuck. I know what dry-aged beef is. That's what you're paying for. Yeah, well, you can get that at a cheaper steakhouse.

They don't age beef at a cheap steakhouse. You can get aged beef. Because you have to keep it refrigerated. Yeah, they have refrigerators that's a cheap steakhouse. Every steakhouse has a refrigerator. I can't believe what I'm hearing. Yeah. There's nothing special.

There's no magic in that fridge. It's more like a humidor. Okay. With the temperature control because you can't just put it in like a really dry. You can't let the moisture leave too quick. It's not like a corona locker. It's not like a cooler that they keep in the back. They just throw some more meat in.

You think it has to have this really expensive price tag on it in order for it to be... It's not... It's such a labor-intensive process to put a piece of meat into a humidor and then just walk away from it. Oh, God, that's got to cost at least $100. Maddox, it's not that much more expensive. It's another $20. That turns a $30 steak into a $50 steak. So almost 100% increase in price.

It's not that much. $100. $20. $20 turns a... piece of garbage, a seven, into maybe a nine. I've had dry-aged beef for $30. It tasted great. It was fine.

I don't need... I think a meat man hurt you one day. And now you're bitter about it. I would love to see the comments on this one. I want to see where people stand on this. I think that steak is a bullshit industry, just like diamonds is a bullshit industry. More than $30, I think it starts to plateau.

You're not going to get much quality. You're not going to see a cost-benefit. return much beyond $30. Do you think this about all restaurants that charge like more than $30 for food? No, absolutely not. So there are some food items that you think get better as the money climbs? Yes, and for two primary reasons. One, the ingredients used.

If they're really rare or really hard to come by, then yeah, I understand why it's expensive. You don't think the process has any, like the reliability of the process has anything to do with it? And that's what you're paying for? Well, potentially. But you can't. That's not a guarantee. And then number two is the preparation. It's a guarantee when you're paying for it.

That's the point. It's not a guarantee, though. Otherwise, you send that back. I go to restaurants. There's a restaurant I like in particular that creates these awesome Mexican molas. And it's renowned, and that's what the one like chefs go to if they want to have molay. It's a really good restaurant. I've been there probably, I don't know, a hundred times.

And of those times, I would say about 75 to 80% of the time it's been great. The rest of the time it's been kind of shitty. Because who knows what the chef. you know, different pinches of ingredients go into, what mix to make the moly of the time, or whoever, you know, what of the chef's temperament is that day? You don't know. You can't guarantee consistency unless you're McDonald's. There's a middle ground.

Okay, go on. So, no, no, I've made that point that you're paying for consistency of a delicious steak. You're hoping to. Yeah, that's what the money's for. Yeah. You're also paying for the consistency of the haircut. I think you're more focused on people getting duped. Like, I think you think people are getting duped by $50 steaks.

And they're not. They taste better. They're more reliably better. I mean, there's no qualitative way you can measure that. Yes, it exists. That's the qualitative way. People will pay money to get that steak. No, no, that's a cognitive.

bias. That's all that is. You pay more so you think you're getting more. I don't know. I guess we're going to test it. They've done tests. There have been studies where they take the exact same product charge twice as much. No, look, look, it doesn't matter what the product is. It could be steak. It could be

jam. It could be shoes. It could be whatever. They take the exact same product, relabel it, change the price, and then ask customers about the satisfaction before and after they purchase. Customers overwhelmingly overwhelmingly feel more satisfied with the more expensive product than they do the

cheaper one, even though it's the exact same fucking product. I would have believed this with water. Yeah. Like if you used water for this? Yeah, you too. I've seen it with water. Yeah, I've seen it with water. It was all filled up out of a garden hose. Yeah. And then they put a spider in the bottom and said it was like the most expensive

thing. This was like a few years ago. Yeah. Yeah, the water was just tap water. Ergo your steak. But not steak. Why not? What's magic about steak? What's precious about steak? Why do you think steak? is immune to this cognitive bias. Because it's so obviously tastes better.

You don't know that. You're already tasting it, so you're biased. Yeah, but I've had steak that I made myself and I can taste the difference between a poorly made homemade steak and a well-made homemade steak. You're a fuck up. If you watch it, Gordon Ramsey has a video on YouTube, a two-minute video, how to cook a perfect steak.

It's impossible to screw up. Like, you just follow the instructions. What is there to it? That's it? Yeah, I'm hot man. I think you're underest. estimating what goes into making a steak. There's multiple ways to make steak.

I'll give you that. But it's not that hard to make a perfect steak. All right, well, I guess I'm a sucker then. I don't think it's a big problem. I'm a sucker eating my amazing Pacific dining car steaks and paying for lap dances. And that's the problems for this week. Glad we agree.

So we have dogs, expensive steak. Guys needing to get laid. Guys who need to get laid. I'm phrased it like that. Guys, you need to get laid. And college. It trains everyone's to be, um... Well, it trains everyone to think in a way that I don't think is good for them.

Uh... You know, like, they're focused on training you how to think, and I don't think they're doing a good job. I don't know if they're training you how to think necessarily. Like, in college, I learned how to do critical thinking. That's not teaching you how to think. It's teaching you how to solve problems, I think. Yeah. Which is different.

Do you think that college indoctored? Okay, hold on, hold on, I think I got something here. Do you think colleges indoctrinate people politically? Yeah, I think they indoctrinate people to be pro-college, extremely pro-college. If that's politically then... Sure. I'm not sure that's a political point of view. Might as well be.

To be pro-college. Well, so there you have the problems or non-problems in Dick's case of college and guys not getting... Although I do agree with the guy's not getting late. That is a big problem. It's a bigger problem than stakes. It's pathetic. No, stakes. Come on.

Stakes. Anyway. It's that for this time. I'm Maddox. Go vote on the site. Biggest problem in the universe.com. Until next time.