The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 42

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. I'm Maddox. With me is Dick Masterson. Hey, what's up, buddy? And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. So, let's just get right to the voting, shall we, Dick? Because this is interesting.

This is the first time in the show's history since... Well, this is the second time in the show's history that a fan's problem came in as the biggest. You mean a guest? A guest. A guest. Yeah. Oh, she's a fan and a guest. She's a fan and a guest.

So in your mind, the guests on our show are fans. I refer to as fans still. That's perfect. Dick, everyone's a fan of me. You're so demented. We're in a room with three people, and all three are fans of me. I counter myself there. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah, Dick, this is interesting. Yeah, recently enlightened people was our guest, Whitney Moore's problem. And you know what's interesting about that? And then followed by hay fever and then bathroom attendance. All in the positive territory, our fans thought that everything was a problem. last week. However, you know what's interesting, Dick, is we got a lot of comments, a lot of comments. And a lot of people were just really shitty last episode. They were bitching about the live

episode still, and they were bitching about this episode because we brought in Whitney as a spite against our listeners. Yeah, a lot of people did like her, though. A lot of people did, yeah. A lot of people really want to bang her. Yeah. And thinks she's great. Great, Dick. I have here, I have a comment from Stuart Green. I just have a couple comments I wanted to read. Stiro Green says, I like how shit particles are everywhere. Who cares? But then both Whitney and Dick go, ew, when you don't wash your hands. Also, I can't stand Whitney's like American teenager rising intonation on like every fucking sentence.

Okay, so he's- That is annoying. Yeah, he snuck a little jab against Whitney in there. And then I got another comment from John Clancy. He says, loved Whitney's condescending problem about people being condescending. please never bring her back on the show. Well, that was my point, that it is condescending. What? To talk about, to shit on people who've recently been enlightened

and they're trying to relate their experience to others, to their friends. Okay, so what? If it's condescending, that doesn't necessarily invalidate her point. I agree, yeah, of course it's condescending. Look, sometimes you can be a hypocrite and still make a valid point. Just because someone who's saying it is a hypocrite doesn't invalidate their points. That's a fallacy that I don't get called out on a... on. Anyway, I do want to point this out, Dick. So a lot of people like John Clancy were saying,

hey, you know, this is a quote. He said, please never bring her back on the show. And yet, you guys loved her problem and voted it number one. So Dick, I have a new segment I'd like to introduce on our show. It's called Fan versus Fan. In this corner, we have angry fans weighing in at 100, IQ points. Average age 12. They love to hate. And in this corner, we have moderate fans, weighing in at over 100 IQ points.

Average age 25. They are employed and have kids. Fight. Yeah, Dick, so I'm kind of confused. Those are the two groups of fans. I'm kind of few. Yeah, we have mod. And we have the haters.

And they're 25 and they have kids. 25 and they have kids. That's about it. Yeah. Yeah, they're all, yeah, I'm profiling our fan base here. But I don't get it, man. There's so much hate, so much anger, and yet I think that validates my point that the people who are haters are a very vocal minority because clearly most of the fans are

moderate and reasonable and they voted up for problem. Here, I got a voicemail about that. You want to hear it? Yeah. Hey Dick, hey Maddox. So I was just calling in to suggest the potential biggest problem for next week's show, and that problem is virginity. Oh.

The reason I suggest that problem is because I just finished watching your guys' live show, and I went to the comments expecting to find other people who loved it like I did, and I saw nothing but virginity running rampant. as everyone with a fucking hentai avatar was losing their shit that your guest decided to cry foul of this precious fucking nerd culture and accuse them of hating women

those people calling her a feminopsy cunt were really upset that she would suggest that they might have a problem with women so you guys are great she was great Show's great. Fuck it. Even Sean's great.

The fan base of this podcast may be the worst. Maybe, in fact, the biggest problem in the universe. No, get out of here. Fans are great. No, yeah. For next week's show. Fans are great. I almost, seriously, I started writing the copy for that fan versus fan segment.

I had a little diss in there against the virgins, because it does sound like a lot of pent-up frustrated virgins who were complaining. But, you know, the problem with that guy's voicemail and the people, and you and Whitney actually made this point last time, is that you were saying that people who are hating on Whitney and her problem necessarily made them, uh, proved her point. But that doesn't, that's not, that doesn't prove her point. No, not necessarily.

Because just because you can't, no, no ideology and no argument is beyond criticism, beyond the, beyond reproach, right? Well, uh, yeah. So, so you can't just say that simply arguing against this. You get into a dangerous territory where if you even question somebody that makes you a hater. If you question feminist ideology or something a feminist says, it doesn't automatically make you a misogynist. I guess, yeah, no, no, of course not. Okay.

Yeah, what, no, no, what? Are you telling me? Who are you telling? Who's the target of this? You? Is this just like standing in a soapbox in the middle of knowing just saying, hey, hey, everybody, check me out. I know this. Didn't you say something to that effect, Dick last episode?

What, that it proved to her point? Yeah, and same with that collar. I think it did. I don't think so. Because they had a bigger problem with their precious culture being attacked than ethnic cleansing being treated like a joke. You know, I think this entire thing could have been easily avoided if the wording and phrasing of it was more careful. Because it sounded like it was a generalization more towards a generalization more towards the entire group rather than the minority. That's life.

Everyone gets generalized. That's too bad. Too fucking bad. Look, you got things that are unique about what you and your people are doing over there, you're going to get called out for that. Yeah. Yeah? You constantly say that athletes and the sports fans are stupid. Yeah. Right? That can't possibly be true. No, no, no. I don't think that the fans are necessarily stupid. I just think they have bad taste.

Okay. I don't even want to talk about it anymore. We covered it last time. Yeah, we covered it. We're done. And you said what you had to say. Yeah. Somebody sent me an email regarding the votes from last week that even though I didn't win. Nobody wins. Well, first of all, first of all, that was the end of my dynasty. That was six wins in a row that I had.

Dick, they're not wins. We are conducting an important scientific experiment on the show. We're trying to find the biggest problem in the universe. And I think the listeners who are more moderate, the ones who won that fan versus fan, The moderates, right? They know what the mission is, and they're voting based on what they think is the biggest problem, not the gimmick that's played every week. Okay, well, even though I didn't win, you still lost.

Dick. This is just cheating. I'm going to cut this whole fucking part out. Oh, good. This fucking episode's bullshit. I got to stop it there. didn't win. Yeah.

Nobody wins. It's not a contest. So the new live episode's coming out or the new in-studio episode is coming out. It's out. It's out. It's out. So you should be able to see it at the top of the front page and the problems from that episode can be voter on, which I call shenanigans, I think, Dick.

On the voting in the studio, in-studio voting, a little bit of shenanigans going on. Why? Well, you'll just have to listen and watch the episode to tune in and see, the listener. What do you mean? Why? Give me some kind of, I don't know, give me some kind of clue, a hint. Well, the decks may have been stacked. I'll just say that much. The decks may have been stacked for whom? Me? For, well, I don't want to give it away, Dickhead. We just talked to us. Well, it's obviously not you if you're bringing it up because you'd be fine if it was stacked for you. You would argue for it.

You don't know, Dick. What are you giving away then? I'm an honest person, Dick. If they're stacked in my favor, I'm going to call it out. I'm going to, I'm an honest person. Anyway, you guys watch the live episode And I The live episode, Dick, this new one, episode number two We had our guest Joe Penna on And this guy is known better as Mystery Guitar Man on YouTube A lot of people don't follow YouTube as closely So I'll give you guys some information about this guy, right?

This guy has 2.8 million subscribers on YouTube He has over 340 million views And how big is his cock? Isn't that what this is? What do you mean he's got subscribers? Yeah, I know Who gives a shit, right? Yeah.

He's a good guy. I met him at the YouTube studios in Culver City, actually, where we recorded the live episode. And he's a super nice guy, and he is a fan of the podcast, and he was listening. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, he legitimately loves this podcast. He's been listening for a long time now and was happy to do an episode. He wanted to come in to do a full episode, but we brought him in for the live show. For those of you who aren't familiar with this work.

Do? Yeah. Like, what does he do? This is what he's known for. He takes, he makes music out of, uh, himself using little clips that it records and then composes them so that it sounds like instruments. It's almost like, um, like the Blue Man group? Uh, yeah, a little bit like Blue Man group or like turntabalism.

It's actually really popular on YouTube now. There's a guy who, uh, who sings all the vocals for video game soundtracks. He does like, Legend of Zelda and Castlevania and whatever. And he hums them. And then he composes. them so it sounds like the track. Here's a little sample of what he does. He did this entire soundtrack here with blowing balloons and taking little clips of his own voice and sequencing them. So it sounds like music. Listen to this is kind of cool. He's using claps, guitars, cups in his apartment,

blowing balloons, his air conditioner vents, a box, opening a can. Anyway, it's cool stuff. That's what he's known for. That's what the guy does. I don't know that. Yeah, it's cool. All right. Kind of cool.

I got some comments from last week. Let's see here. Jacob Pop Rawa, he emailed me this. Your face, Dick, is somewhat small for your head and chin. Looks too bulky. So I got to work on that. Work on making your proportions, Dick. Work on the size of my face.

And then the fake as stereos, You know, he left us a message. Oh, yeah. Because I said, hey, great, keep sending in the fake Astero's bids, because I love them. I love them because I never thought anyone could hate Asteroes. Like, he's the nicest guy ever. It's great. And everything he says or writes is funny.

So when people hate on him after being on the show, it's like, oh, anybody could be hated. Even somebody as nice and funny as Astero's can be reviled enough by someone so that they call in and rip on him accurately. Like that was a great burn. That was a great zing. Like he does talk like that. Well, says you, it's a parody of his voice. It doesn't necessarily make it true.

It was funny. If it's funny, that means it's a little bit true. So he writes back, he like, uh, love you dick. More Titanic, less hysterios, please. Wow. That guy's a fucking hater. He is a hater. The only thing I like about that is that nobody's beyond reproach.

like Asteris got a little bit shit on, which is great. We all get our turn, right? Speaking of shitting on, Haik Dillian says Maddox, if sapio-sexuals aren't real, then how the fuck do you explain you hooking up with women? I hook up with women because I'm fucking awesome. Wait, what do you mean? What's the argument here? That he's saying all the women who are attracted to me must be sapio-sexual?

Are only attracted to your intelligence? Oh, that motherfucker. He's implying that there's nothing else they could possibly be attracted. to. Well, first of all, first of all, Dickhead, that's enough. All right? That's all I need, if that was it. But you get the whole fucking package with me. You get,

you get the, uh, the experience, the date experience of dating Maddox. What's his date experience? Oh, it's fucking wonderful. I drive, first of all, I drive like a samurai through traffic. That's not something that women are interested in. All my dates are impressed. They say, oh my God, you almost hit that. That's amazing that you didn't hit that car.

What was the first version of that that you almost said? No, I, don't worry about that. Okay. I'll be, that'll be edited out. Yeah, this is, this is, um... It was, oh my God, you almost hit that car. No, no, no, I don't remember saying that. Um, the, the, you get the entire Maddox experience when you date me.

Like, uh, it's not just the sapiosexual thing. Look, there's no such thing as a sapio sexual. It's a stupid term that people who, who want to show off about how smart they are used to sound smart. Right? All right. You, are you not... Who side are you on here, Dick? They're attracted to intelligence.

That's it. That's all the guy's saying. You can't be attracted to intelligence. It's impossible. You can't. You can't be attracted to intelligent people, but you can't be attracted. I'm not being pedantic. That's not what they're saying. They're saying, oh, I want to have sex with books. Fuck you. I'm not saying I want to have sex with books on Tinder. That's what, that's what, that's the subtext.

No, they're saying I want to have sex with a guy who reads. Why? What difference does it fucking make you, moron? If you want to have sex with someone, you should be physically. attracted to them. Yeah, there should be some mental component, of course. I'm not saying fucking date them and have kids with this person, but you're telling me if someone's really hot, oh, I can't get off because I don't know what they

read? Fuck off. You're attracted. Basic physiology doesn't change from human to human. It's not like you can turn it off and not be attracted to someone who's physically attractive. You are biologically wired to be attracted to people. Otherwise, society would fall apart and people would stop reproducing.

We'd die. As a guy, yeah, but this guy's saying women. This is saying women are attracted to you for your mind, which you're displaying here. They're attracted to my penis. That's what they're attracted to. Okay, well. Yeah. I drew a picture of my balls on my website a long time ago.

I think that alone is probably responsible for 80% of the times I've gotten laid in my life. Could be. I got a lot of response about your ridiculous claims that honey is a cure for hay fever last week. You and Whitney. Okay. Or so, now, I don't want to rub this in and, like, just be an ass. asshole. But you have to know eating honey like a Winnie the Pooh

does not cure seasonal allergies, right? You have to know. You have, that's like, it's like a homeopathic cure 101, eating natural honey is going to cure allergies. No, no, it's not. It's definitely not. There was a study that was published on a bunch of different websites, BBC included, that they talked about how people who have peanut allergies if you introduce peanut into their diets little by little in small enough doses that they will eventually grow a tolerance to their peanut allergies. So you're basing this on a peanut

allergy study? We're talking about eating honey to cure hay fever. All allergies are the same? No, they're not all the same, but they, you can increase exposure to it. That's racism saying all allergies are the same. With hay fever evidence is anecdotal researchers at the University of Connecticut found no evidence of honey's effectiveness in a study published in 2002. How about that? Does that mean anything? No, Dick, because I read those studies. Like, look, a number of fans posted comments about that. And there was one guy in particular who posted a comment about how it's all smoking mirrors and that's not a real thing and you can't, you know, the honey doesn't actually do anything, right?

Of course it can't. No, that's not necessarily true. Because, look, the argument was that honey, here, let me pull this up real quick. All right, Dick, I got a number of comments. This one's from Godfrey Edwin Gene Miller. He says from the Telegraph article that I linked to on our website. He said, he quoted it. He says, with hay fever, evidence is anecdotal. Researchers at the University of Connecticut found no evidence. I just read that. Yeah, okay. I just read that. Right, right. Yeah. So, well, I had a response and I can't find it. But here's what I want to say. What's your response then? What do you want to say?

So I read the study that he linked to, right? This guy linked to. And they tested something like 36 people and they tested them over the course of a month or two. This is not something that happens over the course of a month or two. This is something that may occur over the course of a lifetime. You have to increase your exposure to this pollen so that you build a tolerance to it. You sound like a fucking homeopath. That's exactly what they say. That's the same thing as having crystals around. You've got to surround yourself by these crystals. Dick, if you your body builds antibodies. That's how you deal with things.

That's how you become immune to things is your body has antibodies in it and it builds those antibodies. Yes, to pollen. Because if you have allergy, allergic reactions to something, it's just like hot sauce. How do you think I'm able to eat so much hot sauce?

That has nothing to do with pollen. You grow a tolerance to it. Same thing with caffeine. So how about breaking your fucking arm? Should you have your arms broken all the time? So by the time you're 30, you're invincible. You can walk around like the man of steel punching through brick walls?

No, that's an extreme. However, there is an example similar to that dick. People who practice martial arts, when they punch hard surfaces, what it does is it mashes down their bones and creates it denser. So over time, they get denser bones. Yes, you can build a tolerance to punching things, and you become stronger that way. All right, well, Samuel Williams says,

Hey, Maddox, here's a couple studies. He sent me a bunch. I'll send them to you so you can refute them one by one. Here's a couple of studies about eating local honey that call you a stupid naturalistic hippie dip shit, put on your tom's, and go back to Whole Foods, you tool. I can't believe it.

I can't believe I'm hearing this honey shit. Dick, look, I'm not saying that it is for sure. I'm not discounting the possibility that this is hippie mumbo-jumbo. However, it's inconclusive. The studies are inconclusive. They probably need to do more testing. So how much honey should I be eating?

I don't know, Dick. This is from the BBC News. It says peanut allergy cut by early exposure. So it's the same exact prince. that they're just exposing people who have allergies to things, to things that they are allergic to, and over time your body builds a resistance to it. Okay.

It's just, so all that shit is okay, but the honey thing doesn't apply. They were saying that honey, the pollen in honey is different than the pollen in hay fever. That's true, but wind does blow. Like honey, pollen is not sitting there in a bubble, you guys. It's blown around everywhere. If you ingest it, your body will grow tolerant to it, I believe.

You would know. You've done the research. Concluding that it's not effective. No, I can't conclude anything. All right. But I think that the research that they've done isn't enough. They probably need to conclude. Look, I don't know, man.

You fucking cry babies. Look, it may be a solution, maybe not. Fuck off. I don't care. You guys are fucking sniveling pussies. I don't have fucking allergies because I'm awesome. I eat honey all the time. That's the closest thing I'm going to get to when I was wrong, isn't it?

Look, it's inconclusive. I'm not saying for sure that this is a solution. However it may be. Okay. You want to do problems now? Yeah, let's get to the problems. All right. Let's get to the biggest problem in the universe, Dick.

You know what the biggest problem is? What? Fit shaming. Oh, okay. Yeah. You've heard of fat shaming, right? Yeah. That's where people make you feel bad about being fat.

Fat jokes. Fat jokes. Tubba sounds, funny tuba noises. Big fat people on TV. Always being dumb. That kind of thing? That kind of thing. Yeah.

When you see a fat person coming? Yeah. Yeah, that's fat shaming. So you remember a long time ago I brought in shame. Shaming is a problem. Yeah. This may sound like a contradiction because I think that shame is a very powerful tool that can be used for good. But fit shaming is a thing that's happening now.

Now, there's a backlash to fat shaming so that fat people are coming around and saying, no, you know what? It's bad to be fit and you should be healthy at any size and you should love your body at any size. Look, guys, if you love your body, great. You should be confident. You should like who you are. However, don't fucking shove this horse shit down my throat, telling me that being fat is healthy, and you can do everything just like a normal person.

You fucking can't. There are things you just can't do as a fat person. Like, here are the life experiences you limit by being obese. Hiking to the top of a volcano. I never fucking see fat people doing that. No, I don't see stock photos of fat people hiking volcanoes? No, because they don't do it in real life either. It's not representative.

That's true. saving money on gas. You can't do that as a fat person. How much money do you save on gas? Well, if you're overweight by 100 pounds, you're carrying around an extra passenger now, aren't you? I guess that's true. Yeah.

Every time, everywhere you go, can you fucking imagine carrying a 100-pound person piggyback riding your back when you're walking upstairs? No, you know what? I had this discussion with a fat friend of mine because he never works out. And I was like, yeah, I wouldn't want to fight you. And he's like, but you work out.

all the time. Why when you want to fight me? I'm like, dude, I work out like an hour, an hour a day, four days a week. You work out all day every day. You're carrying around 150 pounds more than me. Are you kidding me? Yeah. You're gigantic. Yeah, people, underestimate how powerful, how strong fat people are. They have to build that muscle. I mean, all that muscle is there. It's buried underneath fat, but that muscle is there. I wouldn't want to get in a fight with a fat person, no matter how fit they are, I wouldn't want to. Because I myself, when I was overweight, I lost about 72 pounds. And when I lost that weight, I had these giant bulking calves because I had to carry my fat

ass around all the time. My calves are insane. I can bike for miles and miles. It's insane. But you can't experience that. You can't utilize it if you're carrying around all that extra weight because you're wasting your muscles just carrying out fat all the time. Here's another thing you can't do.

buy clothes that fit, right? I never see, like, every now and then a fat person might come along wearing a shirt that looks okay. And they're usually bought from maddox store.spreadshirt.com. But you generally can't buy clothes that fit, right? Right. There's way more clothes options available, clothing options available for fit people. Traveling at amusement park rides.

Look, man, if you're a little bit overweight, fine. But if you're a lot overweight, you're not going to fit in that fucking seat. And also, you're not going to have a fun time. time. You're going to be worried about having a heart attack. Skydiving. You can't fucking skydive if you're fat. Sorry. You just can't. You know what else you can't do? What? You can't have helicopter lessons. Oh, is that true? No, the same, that same guy I was just telling you about. Yeah.

Um, his, I think his fiancee bought him helicopter lessons for Christmas. So they had in gigantic bold letters on the thing, like you can't be over 275 or something like that on the helicopter. Like, show. up wear clothes-toed shoes and don't be fedder than 275. Yeah. So he shows up and the guy, he's like, hey, I'm over 275, what's the, is that going to be okay? And he said

the helicopter pilot kind of looked at him and he's like, how much over? And he's like, oh, about like, you know, 20, 30 pounds. He goes, hmm, okay, well, it better, it better only be 30. So it was like, they were willing to risk it to cram this guy into a little

helicopter to take him up in the air. But it was an issue. Yeah. There's a safety precaution. It's an issue. It's always going to be an issue. Can't go canoeing. You ever see a fat person's canoe?

No. No. They don't exist. Because they make canoes for people. Normal people. And no, you're not normal if you're morbidly obese. You can't go skydiving. You can't go parasailing.

Parasailing is an issue. When I went skydiving a while back, they asked me how much I weighed, and they said, you need to be really honest with this. We have a scale. We'll test you if we feel like you're going over. Or if you're going under. They just measure you then?

Because most, they expect... They got to put you through the honesty test first? Because generally obese people don't go skydiving, so they never have to really test. They know if you're going skydiving, you're not a fat ass, a big fat fatty. However, I was about... They have a fine that you have to pay beyond... Beyond, I think, like, every 10 pounds above the maximum weight, you have to pay like $20 because they have to put extra harnesses and equipment on you.

Yeah, it increases their risk and liability, so you have to... to buy insurance and all this other shit. It's insane. Well, it's not insane. It makes sense, right? Yeah. Can't be a race car driver as a fat person. Can you imagine if you were in NASCAR or driving a Formula One car and you came in just behind the first place person?

And he thought, man, is there anything you can do? Because they optimize those cars. They make those cars as efficient as possible. Down to the pound, right? Yeah. Yeah, they put carbon fiber pieces in there. They put aluminum, they put titanium, they put really lightweight, strong materials

to maximize tensile strength and minimize weight. Well, there's actually a minimum weight for NASCAR. Did you know that? Oh, is there now? Yeah, no, I don't know about now. I think that's the way it's always been. Like, you have to maintain your car's weight up to shore. Otherwise, you're just driving around on a rocket with wheels.

But it's like, it's classified as a NASCAR above. Sean, weren't you telling me this that there's some? Because there are definitely fat NASCAR drivers, fatter than others. Like during the whole Danica Patrick thing. Yeah, Tony Stewart is a lot fatter than Danica Patrick. Yeah, when everyone was complaining that she had an advantage because they don't weigh the driver inside the car as part of the weight. They only weigh the car itself.

Then she jumps in and she's not adding nearly as much weight as everybody else. And were you telling me out that some guy used to have like a lead cowboy hat that he would throw in the back of the car to throw off the weight? That definitely was not me. Maybe I made that up. Could be. Yeah, it would be a good trick, though. Can't be on top during sex if you're morbidly obese.

That's a fucking problem, man. Did you have that problem when you were overweight? No, I didn't have that problem. Were you having sex? No. So there you go. I guess that's not a problem for Big Fat. Yeah, you could crush your hand.

What do you? Fuck you, Sean. Don't fat shame me, Sean. fat-shaming after the fact. That's pretty funny. You can't be a mountain biker. You can't be a professional mountain biker. Again, a bicycle is definitely one of those things.

Look, the fat NASCAR drivers, sure, he might be overweight. He might be fat, but we're talking like obese. He's not 300 pounds. He's not 300 pounds. He's not 30 pounds overweight. Is that morbid? I think so. Okay.

I think it goes 30s obese and 50s more than obese. Well, sure. Yeah, you're not seeing like huge guys in those NASCAR cars because you have to have a little bit of clearance between you and the steering wheel. That would be funny, though. It would be hilarious, yeah. Can't go bungee jumping. Man, there's a lot you can't do. You are like an extreme athlete. Like your lifestyle. All of these examples are bungee jumping, parasailing, parachuting, race car driving, mountain hiking volcanoes. These are all things I do, man. Are they really? This is literally one trip to Hawaii. On one trip to Hawaii, I went to parisailing, zip lining, that you can't go zip lining. I went skydiving.

Which is the most boring activity on Earth. It is fucking not. You were basing that on a south. Park episode. No, I've had to go ziplining with my family many times and it is, it is torturous waiting for your turn to zip line. It's going in a smaller group. I went in a group of like nine people. We were done with each event in under five minutes and we ziplined over waterfalls and it was fucking cool as shit. I looked down, I saw monkeys. It was amazing. I don't see why it's that cool. There's no

sense of danger. Have you ever gone ziplining over a waterfall? Yeah. What's the longest zip line you've ever done? Um, the second longest zip line in Costa Rica. Oh, whoa. I did the longest one in the world at the time. Okay. Anyway, dude. I went inside.

It is boring. No, it's not boring. You're based on that on a South Park episode. Why do you keep saying that? Because they did, they had a whole South Park episode about how boring is. So what? Because it disagrees with you. It's based on a fucking South Park episode? Why do you think I'm basing that on a South Park episode? Because you watch South Park.

Do you honestly think I don't have an opinion about zip lining? Like, do you think that's not in the zeitgeist? Like, I had to take it off South Park? Well, maybe you had a bad. zip lining experience, but that doesn't mean, look, we've hung out before, and sometimes we've had boring hangout experience. Doesn't mean I'm boring or you're boring. It just means it sometimes you may have had a bad experience. I think you probably had a bad experience. That doesn't mean ziplining as a whole. You're generalizing it's zipliners. You're a ziplineers.

You're a zipline, racist. Yeah, I don't, it's not from South Park, you shithead. Okay. But you don't think, like, the reason they made that episode is because a lot of people have that experience, that it's boring. Ziplining, boring, horseback riding, boring, boat tours, boring. It's these stupid activities that sell themselves as exciting and they're not. It can be.

All right. So speaking of boat tours, I also... And it was good because you saw monkeys too. Well, I saw a lot of things. Didn't you see? I flip line over a firewall. I like to look down on animals

I don't like, Dick. Look, I hate horses. Horses are coming in as a problem at some point, but I love riding horses. Is that a contradiction? No, because think about it. I'm on top of something I hate. I love it.

Anyway, dick Can't go inside a shark cage As a fabric Look, I've talked about all the things I'm more extreme shit I did that I did that in Hawaii I've talked about all the things

And I flipped off a shark Did you know that? Yeah Yeah I think I've showed you the picture Anyway, those are all the things You can't do As a morbidly obese person

Right Right But as a backlash They're saying Those are those, you know It's not a problem Now they're fit shaming There's this mom

Who posted this picture on Facebook Was there a magic spell on that sheet? What happened? No, there's mom. I was looking for her name. I somehow didn't write it down. But I remember it's Maria King. Maria Kang, this mom, posted this picture a while ago on Facebook.

And she posted a picture of herself. She looks hot as shit. She's in her workout clothes. She has three kids, a two-year-old, an eight-month-old, and a three-year-old, right? Oh, I remember that picture. Yeah. Yeah. She posted a picture of herself looking fit as fit as fuck.

And then she says, what's your excuse? Yeah. Yeah. What's your excuse? So she posted this to kind of tell people like, hey, don't give me your excuses. I don't want to hear it because you can't overcome it if you want. It's a very positive message, don't you think? I guess.

Looks like showing off to me. Oh, is that what it is? Look at me. Check me out. I got all these kids, and I'm fit. Dick, are you one of these people who have become a parent and you say, Oh, you shouldn't... Hold on, let me finish this.

Okay, go ahead. You shouldn't criticize your children's artwork because they might be discouraged. What the fuck does that have to do with posting a picture of yourself looking hot on Facebook and bragging about it? Because greatness can inspire people to become great.

I guess. What do you mean you guess? Well, are you looking for... Are you just... Man? Like, what's the... She's probably got all day to work out. What's your excuse?

Probably, I don't know, a job. Oh, really? A job. Because she works eight hours a day, Dick. Now what's your excuse? So she says. I mean, I've known girls who've worked 40 hours a day. Dick, she's not... I don't know that that's true. No, you can't. I got to take their word for it. Dick, what's your excuse is a rhetorical question. She's not actually looking for excuses from you. Yeah. She works full time. She has three kids. She's still fit as fuck. What's your excuse?

I don't know. What's your excuse? I'm fitter than you. I don't know about that, buddy. You want to fight? You have no stamina. That's absolutely fucking not true. You have no stamina. I think you probably have more muscle mass than me. Probably.

Probably. Who needs stamina? I got a car. Yeah. So what was the backlash with this lady who's egging on fat soes and asking for it? Does she surprise that a bunch of people shit on this photo that says, what's your excuse? I'm hot and I have a family? Her Facebook account got suspended.

Yeah. For hate speech. Her's? Hers? Not the... You're sure it's not the backlash and like the fallout of that? It was because of that post? Because of that post. Shortly after she posted that,

her Facebook account got suspended. Yeah. It got reinstated eventually. Facebook said, oh, it was a mistake. Really? It was a mistake because... Oh, wow. Why was it banned in the first place? Her account got suspended just because she posted this picture and a bunch of jealous fatties came down on her

and flagged her thing. Look, guys, you want to live the lifestyle you want, go for it. You want to be fat. You want to eat what you want? Do it. Fine. But people like this can inspire you. If you see a Van Gogh painting or, uh, uh, Oh, you can do it. Come on. Van Gogh. Maybe Picasso. A Da Vinci. Pajor. I was thinking of Picasso. Da Vinci. Also acceptable. Michael Angelo, Donatello, Ninja Turtles. You can get them. I got it. I got it. That's not the point. If you see a great painting by a master.

Yeah. You're not going to look at that painting and think, well, you know, I think that there should be, there should be a talent. at every level and you should like anything you paint. No, no, you're not great. If you're not great, you don't get accolades. You don't get kudos. You don't get congratulations. People don't look up to you if you're not great. She's great.

She did something. She did something and she's trying to inspire people. Look, I, look, okay, wait, wait, wait, let me back up here. I don't think it's that it's anyone's job to necessarily inspire people, but looking at that picture, the takeaway should be inspiration. I guess. What? Why is such a...

I can see that that might inspire people, like that she's posting a picture of herself looking hot, and it says, what's your excuse? But I'm not going to pretend that I'm stupid and sit here and say like, oh yeah, oh, yeah, that's great. Good job. You really nailed it. If you want to inspire people, you did it.

Because people are going to hate that. Dick, what's your argument? What are you making? What's your argument here? Well, I'm on your side with this fit-shaming thing because every time I see a hot girl post a picture, like a skinny hot girl. and some asshole, inevitably, some shithead will come into that thread and say,

eat a sandwich. Yeah. Like, that's a funny joke. It's fit shaming. And it's awful. It's awful. And I hate it. Yeah.

But that's like someone minding their own business and not trying to rub it in everyone's face. You know, Dick, this whole thing comes from a lot of times women who look at magazine covers and they say, well, it's unrealistic standards of beauty. No, it's not, idiot. You want a realistic standard of beauty. We have them all the fuck. time. Every time you step out into a grocery store, you see a bunch of fucking tombstones

walking around, slumped over their shopping carts, dragging their ugly kids around. Everyone looks fat and ugly. Don't fucking shame these people who have worked hard and have earned a job being models on magazines. That's their fucking job. That's the fantasy. Guys, when you go down the

magazine aisle for men, men's interests, you look at sports cars and guns, and they're always exotic sports cars and always exotic guns. There's shit that we can't attain, and that's why we buy the magazine because we want to look at pictures of this thing that we can't fucking attain. We don't need realistic pictures of cars.

We see Ford focuses fucking everywhere. They're never on car magazines. No one gives a shit, you fucking morons. Leave these people alone. Let them be fit. Yeah. Jesus. I agree. Right? Yes, I totally agree with you. I totally agree with you. Yeah. I'm so tired of these people

bitching about realistic body standards. This is a realistic body standard if you want it to be. And if you don't, go on and eating your Cheetos. turn the page, click something else. You don't have to fit shame people who are fit and working hard to improve their lives because they want to go bungee jumping

and go inside a shark cage. Well, yeah, that part's a little bit weird. I didn't know you were like the Dan Cortez of internet writers. You're doing all this exotic stuff. Yeah. Is that, I don't know, the Dan Cortez reference. Dan Cortez, like that 90s guy

who's always climbing, mountain climbing and climbing rocks and shit. Oh, anyway. Yeah. The thing that bothers me most about it is that people are fixated on this standard of beauty, like the word beauty. Everyone can be beautiful. These people are obviously beautiful. Everyone could agree.

You could vote anonymously. You look at that girl. Yeah, beautiful. Everybody. But then when you apply that standard to everyone else, there's this unspoken implication that you're a better person if you're beautiful. Or else, why else would everyone need to be called beautiful, right? Right.

Right. Curves are beautiful, like natural beauty, all this stuff. Like, it's not, you're not. You're just not beautiful. Why do you want it so fucking bad? I'm not. I got a too small of a face. I don't feel bad about that, you know? Like, oh, I got 100 emails. Dick, you're too ugly to live. Like, I don't really care. It's not, it's not something that I value as a person. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I want it. I want to see it. Yeah. But not having it is not the end of the world. Yeah, I've been working.

It's more psychotic to tell, it's more psychotic to tell little girls that they're beautiful as they are because it reinstills this idea that beauty somehow makes them a better person. Yeah. That's the problem I have with it. I agree. I agree with that. I've been working on this theory for a while now, too, Dick. It's along those lines.

But it's about how people feel entitled to be beautiful. And it has a lot to do with these dove campaigns. These dove campaigns are the most insiduous thing. They are doing more damage to more people than most things I can think of today. Yeah. Yeah, these fucking dove campaigns, these beauty campaigns. Anyway, Dick, yeah, she's hot after she did the workout and everything. But if she gained like 40, 50 pounds, I think her face would bloat.

You wouldn't be able to tell the definition underneath. A lot of people who are overweight can increase how they look. They can increase how well they look, how well they appear to people. people just by being fit. You know, I had this idea. Tell me what you think about this idea. It's a service where you get a fat person who wants to lose weight, right? And you take their bone structure, whatever, you get an artist to draw them as they would

look if they lost like 30 pounds. Oh. Do you think that would be a good motivator? I think it might be. It might be. But I don't know. Because I don't understand. I'm not in the mindset of, like I've never been fat.

Now, see, I know people, Dick, who used to be skinny, and then they gained weight, and then they would post pictures of themselves as when they were skinny, and they would say, oh, I wish I still looked like this. But that doesn't necessarily motivate them to lose the weight. That's true. All right. Well, my business failed. It's your shit business.

Anyway, Dick, I've gone on too long. What's your problem? Wait, before we get to my problem, I want to remind you that today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit Audible.com. For your free audiobook download. Max, do you know about Audible? Yeah, but go ahead and tell you. Refresh your memory. Refresh my memory.

Yeah, because you watch Titanic and your memory of that was pretty shitty. Yeah, you know, I got up to get popcorn a few times. I missed a few details in the movie, no big deal. Audible has over 150,000 titles to choose from every genre. Audible has it covered. Get a free audiobook download when you sign up today. Listen whenever and wherever you want, just like the podcast you're listening to right now. I checked out some new books they have on there.

Yeah. You know, last one, I brought in some pretty good ones. Yeah, it was pretty great. Yeah, the erotic lactation story was great. Yeah, man, I wish somebody would cut those up. Every time I listen to him, I get distracted. Like, I try to find some funny quotes from that. Like, there's a part in that erotic lactation story.

I don't want to get into it. Milkdener Uncle's Farm, how smart is God? That's a good one. Here's one that you might like. Keep calm. Hypnotherapy for change. I will not listen to that. Uh, go the fuck to sleep, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson.

Yeah, that's a very, that was a very popular book, man. That was a New York Time bestseller. It was a parody of a children's book. I pitched a book like that a long time ago to my publisher. They said, no, I wouldn't sell. Anyway, what was it called? Uh, I don't remember, I don't remember if I had a title. And even if I did, I wouldn't say it on the air, because I may still write that book.

Oh, you may still do it? Yeah, I may still write that book. Yeah, children's books are weird, though. Because don't you have to be like an artist a little bit? No, you don't have to be an artist. you can team up with an artist. Just like Samuel L. Jackson didn't write that book, but they thought it was really funny if he would read it.

Well, he's just reading it. Yeah. For the odd book. That is a pretty funny book. It's a book that a lot of parents get, and they kind of snicker and sneer, and they read it to their babies, and they realize their babies don't understand, so it's kind of funny.

That's true. Yeah. Customers download their choice. It's going to have access on your PC. You can burn them on a CDs, you can upload them to your iPod. There you go. Yeah, that is a good book.

That's some good stuff on Audible. That's probably a short book, right? A short read. Go the fuck to sleep? Yeah. I would think so. Yeah, it'd be really relaxing hearing Samuel Jackson say that

to me as a child, I think. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Check it out. What's the URL? Audiblepodcast.com slash biggest. Audiblepodcast.com slash biggest. And guys, it really, really helps support the show

and buying the bonus episodes and all that stuff. So, yeah, if you check that out, you'll be doing us a solid. Okay. My problem is Superbugs Superbugs What is that

Is that like a Bugs Bunny It takes a power pill? Like what's going on? Yeah, that's my problem The episodes when Bugs Bunny Would put that stupid outfit on No, superbugs are When a microbe

And its progeny acquires A genetic mutation that makes them immune To antibodies, Maddox Oh yeah They're super bugs They're super illnesses Superbacteria That don't respond to antibodies

Yeah? Where do these come from? Why is this problem? Well, I'll tell you why it's a problem. So right now, they, oh, okay. There's a lot of reasons they can come up. They can come up naturally. Yeah.

But most of the way, most of the time, they come up because people are not taking their antibodies all the way through, or they're taking antibodies when they don't need to be. So you take, you go to the doctor because you've got a sniffle, right? Yeah. And he goes, whatever, here, take some antibiotics. So a person goes home, starts cramming antibodies into themselves, right? Yeah.

But they don't have any kind of bacterial infection. Yeah. So all the good bacteria in them gets killed. Yeah? And all the bad ones, like the weird mutants, the strong ones, start evolving this immunity to the antibodies. Huh. The mutations, because, you know, bacteria divide quickly and they, like, rapidly evolve. Yeah, they mutate, right.

Yeah, they mutate. So they evolve, they develop these resistances to the antibodies. then they shoot out of your fluids and get on other people and infect them. That person goes to the doctor. They're actually sick. They get an antibody. It doesn't work. They have no solution.

We're running out of solutions. We are, this is, no, no, let me pitch this to you in a way that I know you'll, that you'll gravitate to. Yeah, yeah. This is an animal in the animal kingdom that we cannot kill. That's fucking cool. Yeah. Yeah. This is an animal on the tree of life.

that human beings once had the power to kill, but now they are outsmarting us. And they're killing us at an alarmingly increased rate. Yeah, I've actually been following this for a long time now. I remember the first time I had a conversation with someone about this. One of the first times was in New York. And I took a little bottle of hand sanitizer out of my pocket. And I put it on my hands, and this girl says,

you know, that doesn't do anything. that doesn't do anything, and it's increasing the prevalence of superbugs. And I said, okay, well, it's doing something because otherwise it wouldn't increase the prevalence of superbugs. Now, would it? It's killing 99% of the bacteria now, isn't it? She's like, yeah, but it's going to increase, you know, you should just use soap and water and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, hey, idiot, we're walking in a subway car. Like, where am I going to get soap and water?

I just touch a disgusting pole. Everyone on the train is sniffling and sneezing. yeah, okay, maybe this is contributing to the problem. And a lot of people are trying to say we shouldn't have antibacterial soaps and antibacterial hand sanitizer and all these things because they're not effective. Well, I used to be like that lady

that you're talking about where I thought hand sanitizer was bad. I don't know if it is. So I don't say that anymore. And it's not something that I consider something I believe. Yeah, but the overprescription of antibodies, of antibiotics, and people not taking them all the way through which is something I also used to do, and still kind of do every once in a month, because I forget,

is definitely causing superbug mutation. How about this? Currently, superbugs are implicated in 700,000 deaths a year because of their resistance to drugs. By the year 2050, they'll kill an extra 10 million people worldwide. Yeah. How about that? Well, I hate the shit on your problem, Dick.

Well, not really, but... there's an article I linked to a while back. I was trying to find it, but the close I could find is on NPR. It was an NPR article. It's why the nightmare superbug isn't as scary as it sounds. What a surprise, NPR. Yeah, a news outlet.

Do you listen to NPR while you're skydiving? No. No, because it's exciting. I'm just listening to... I listen to my own podcast when I skydive. The superbug isn't as scary as it was once thought because they just developed a new way of creating antibodies, I believe, that can overcome these superbugs.

That's it? Yeah. Oh, that's it. So, problem solved? Thanks, NPR. Thanks, Internet Jesus, NPR. And who's the speaker of NPR that everyone blows all the time? Who's the main guy on NPR?

I don't know. There's a bunch of them. What's one of them? Ira Glass? Is that a guy? I don't know. I don't listen to NPR. This American Life. Yeah.

Okay. Thanks, I don't know, Terry Gross. Thanks, Terry Gross, for bestowing upon us this. magical fix for Mercer. You fuck? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, this dire prediction, Malthus over here with this dire prediction by

2050, 10 million people? That's more than cancer. I don't think it's going to happen. It's worse than cancer. Yeah, it sounds very alarmist. Listen, listen. Yeah. 2050, 10 million people?

That means by 2085, it'll be 130 million people. I did that math myself. That means by 30, by the year 30, 20, that's. That's 2 billion people that will die every year from Superbugs. That's almost everybody. A couple of years, by 30-30, everyone's dead from Superbugs. Dick, this sounds like a solution to hunger. No, no, but this is, look, this is actually a real problem.

There you go. Mercer. What is Mercer? Hold on. The doctor said, this is orders of magnitude bigger than Ebola could be. So imagine how bad you can imagine Ebola could be. That's how bad superbugs are. Yeah.

You think this is alarmist? Superbaw. So you're saying superbugs are imaginarily bad. No, they're as bad as you can imagine Ebola actually being. I don't know, man. I can imagine it being pretty bad. Yeah, they did in that fucking movie. What was it?

Hot Zone, Hot Down. It's the Michael Crichton movie. It's like... Jurassic Park. Congo? The Congo? No, that was about talking gorilla.

They made a movie about Ebola and it was based on a Michael Crichton book. Outbreak. Outbreak. Yeah, outbreak. Oh. That was, they tried to make Ebola as bad as it possibly could be

and even in that fictional fucking movie where they're trying to be alarmist, they found a solution to it. You know, there is... You're not worried about this at all then. No, I'm not. I'm not. Because of this NPR article I read.

Oh, man. It's the new Bible. NPR is the new Bible. It's tells everybody how to think NPR and the Daily Show. Look, I got one in the right ear, one in the left ear. How should I think, guys? You tell me. Yeah, Dick, look, and I'm not sorry.

I wasn't even calling you your name, I just realized. NPR is just a news outlet. They cover stories from everywhere else. Yeah, it's one of the places I listen to because it's as neutral as it possibly gets. You know, sometimes they can skew left and sometimes they can skew right, but generally it's a pretty good news outlet. Anyway, they're just covering studies that come out by UCLA. USC. These are studies that come out and they found, I believe it's a type of petri dish that they

tested it in and they accidentally discovered this drug that kills drug-resistant bacteria. So, and they're predicting, I think by 2018 or something like that, that these first drugs that will start killing drug-resistant bacteria will start hitting the market. So it's fixed. And by the way, Dickhead, you know why these bacteria become drug-resistant? It's because they grow a tolerance to these drugs. Oh, surprise, surprise. So this whole fucking hay fever argument does make sense, doesn't it, dickhead?

You're like, you just associate outcomes with mechanisms. The mechanisms is to get those outcomes. Like, that's, bacteria don't build up a tolerance themselves. They're not like a role-playing game. They mutate. I know they mutate. It's their offspring. Their offspring mutate. Yeah, so?

I can't spawn another me that's not allergic to hay fever if I bathe in honey. Yeah, well, nobody's saying bathe in honey, I'm just saying, look, if you expose yourself to whatever allergens that you have, over time you will grow tolerant to it. She's like, I'm tolerant to your BS. You're just bombarding me with it every day. I'm like, ah, it's Dick being Dick. Yeah, that's my problem.

Don't you think, Dick? Don't you think that your body, the efficacy of drugs wear off the more you take them? Like that first hit of heroin is supposed to be amazing, and then after that you can never get it again because you're constantly chasing that dragon? Isn't that true? And same thing with... I mean, there's... You build up some tolerance to drugs.

drugs, but we're talking about drinking honey to fight seasonal allergies. I think we would have figured that out by now. We've had honey for a long fucking time. We've had seasonal allergies for a long fucking time. Dick, they haven't done thorough enough testing. Okay.

So, works until proven wrong. No, I'm not saying it works, and I'm not saying it doesn't. I'm saying it's possible that it works, and I'm not discounting the possibility that it's all bullshit. It could be bullshit. Okay. Mercer is Methylen-resistant Staphylococcus, Oreas, whatever, I'm probably not saying that, right?

Yeah. First detected in Britain in 1961, it's now common in hospitals. Mercer was responsible for 37% of fatal cases of sepsis in the UK in 1999, up from 4% in 1991. That doesn't scare you at all? No.

It's grown 33%? Nope. Just like Ebola didn't scare me at all, because guess what? I just read an article right before we went to record this episode, that said that they're going to start the first trials of this Ebola vaccine that they just came out with. Yeah, but Ebola was a bunch of hype, but this is a real thing that's actually killing people.

Merza's actually killing people. Yeah. A lot. What is Merza? What is it? It's a bacteria. It's a metacillin-resistant bacteria. It's a super bug.

It's resistant to antibodies. Yeah, I don't know, man. I mean, there's even studies that they've done where they installed copper doorknobes in hospitals, and it greatly diminished the amount of bacterial infections because copper kills bacteria. It has antibacterial properties. Did you know that? No. I knew it was anti-bacterial. I didn't know it killed them. Yeah. Well, that's why it works, is because if somebody has bacteria on their hands, they sneeze or whatever, they touch a copper, yeah, they touch a copper door handle, it's going to kill the bacteria that's on their hands, and then that's it. Seems like something

we should be worried about to me. Seems like a big problem. Yeah. Uh, I mean, it could potentially be a big problem, Dick, if we don't nip it in the bud, but scientists are working around the clock to find solutions. Thank God NPR is on top of it. You're fucking, you're so dismissive of any news source. That's just a fucking strong man. No, because it's all the same news source. Ad hominem.

It's not all the same news source. I cite the telegraph. I cite BBC. I cite NPR. I've even cited Fox News on this show. I cite lots of different news sources. All right. New York Times.

All right. That's my problem. Metro.com. UK fan favorite yeah dick okay superbugs can here's the here's the thing what would you be afraid of

biologically biologically I'm not afraid of much biologically um yeah something something like AIDS that had no solution to it or no cure to it but I'm not sure that something like that

could potentially even exist because we're on the verge of conquering mortality I believe God you are Your faith in our ability, and your faith in science's ability to fix problems is astounding to me. You have an overwhelming abundance of faith in our ability to solve problems, and I have zero. I know, I know. Dick, what is life? If you wanted to quantify life, if you wanted to describe what is the difference between inanimate and an inanimate object, right?

We're all carbon atoms. We're a bunch of molecules bumping around. There's no evidence for consciousness. There's no evidence for a soul, right? There's no evidence for any of this stuff. This is just theory. It's human theory that we are alive. What does it mean to be alive?

We're just madder that happens to act in a weird way when we react with energy. Energy comes into our systems. We convert it to something else and we poop it out and we go around and we build video games and houses and toys and things. But what are we? What are we?

What are we? What are we doing? We're just matter that's trying to make more matter. And we're using other matter to do it. Let me ask you something. Yeah. Are you on drugs? No, I've never used drugs.

What the fuck are you talking about? What does this have to do with solving these horrible diseases that you have, that you're, that don't phase you at all. Because, Dick, I'm not even sure what it even means to be alive. Like, what is it? Okay. Yeah, I know we're getting seen. That's getting real weird. Yeah, well, it's because of this last episode that we did, the bonus episode.

The Oculus Rift. When I was talking about the Oculus Rift, and I kept thinking about what the experience of being alive means. Like, can it be completely simulated? I think it can be. And we don't know for a fact if we're alive, we don't know anything.

We don't know if we're alive, we don't know anything, right? Dude, you got, I've been thinking about the bonus episode all weekend. You got real weird with that stupid Oculus Rift thing. Like, that is, that's my favorite bonus episode so far. Yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's, it's, it's, pretty great and I know it sounds like we're shilling for it but it was, I have been thinking about it. No one was thinking about it until you said that.

Yeah, well, well, okay, well, whatever. Well, your reaction of the Oculus Rift is still astounding to me. Why is that? Because I've never seen anyone. So I talked to the guy's Oculus Rift who you borrowed. Yeah. And he couldn't believe.

He said you were acting like that right after you experienced it. Yeah. And he couldn't believe it because he owns the thing and he's like, it's all right. Yeah. Everyone's a fucking idiot, except for me. That's why I keep saying I'm the smartest person I know.

Nobody sees the potential here. I'm the one who immediately sees the potential. That's why Facebook fucking bought it for billions of dollars. That's why Facebook bought it. They saw the potential in it. This is new technology that is going to revolutionize everything. Look, I'm not, I'm not the bonus episode. I think we see the potential, but the potential I see in it is limited by how much I believe people are able to execute things.

Like, you know what I'm saying? You think scientists can just solve everything. Everything and everything works perfectly and will be amazing. And this vision you have for the Oculus Rift will be realized very quickly. And I think it's just a stupid toy and that it's just going to be fucked with and tinkered with a little bit. And I might use, like someone like me might use it like, I don't know, an hour a week, a half hour a week until I get bored with it. Yeah, Dick, that's the difference between you and visionaries. People who don't have the foresight to see the potential for technology.

That's the problem. Look, back to your problem, right? You're saying that super bugs are a problem. You think it's a big problem. You don't think humans can overcome super bugs. We've overcome way bigger problems than that, my friend. We've overcome, I do believe, look at our lifespan, how much it's increased in just under a century.

Look a century ago. Look how much our lifespan has grown. By about 30 years. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, we were only living until 50 back in the turn of the century? Turn of the century, I believe the mortality, rate was, yeah, around 50.

A lot of things were killed. Fifty years old, really? Don't you dare look it up, you motherfucker? That you always, you should not be allowed to have internet on this show. Why not? Because I want to hear what you actually think. I don't care what Google thinks about how old we lived. Why do you think it was 50?

Because it was lower. I don't know exactly what it is. I just sound uninformed if I don't look it up. But yeah, it was a lot lower. In the 1700s, in the 1600s, in just over a couple of centuries, we've gone from our mortality rate being around the 80s. our life expectancy rather being around the age 30 yeah the age the age the era of gauce you know gauce the mathematician yeah he I think he died at the age of

35 it may have been because of a duel but but a lot of people died around that age the mortality rate was a lot lower because because or maybe maybe be an Euler but anyway they wait Euler is like B.C. bro Euler is not B.C. Oh he's way far back. You're thinking of Euclid Euclid was B.C. You could may have been BC actually, but Oiler was not. Oh, okay. Yeah, was around Newton's time, I believe. I don't know.

I don't have a math degree. Yeah. Oh, wait, neither do you. I was waiting for it, dickhead. Look, man, our life expectancy has increased dramatically. We've more than doubled our life expectancy, Dick. What makes you think that it's ever going to hit an upper limit? What is even, again, and then I come back to this philosophical argument, what is cognizance, what is life?

Why do we need our bodies? Why do you come back to that weird argument? Because I don't think. that mortality is a thing we can't overcome. I think more like we can be immortal. There's no reason why we can't. Yeah there is because all that shit that Oculus Rift shit and all these things that are gonna make you immortal, they're all being made in China. None of it's gonna work. You're gonna get this garbage to hook you up into the big computer singularity internet thing and it's not gonna work. You know what you

sound like Dick? You sound like Thomas Malthus. Do you know who Malthus is? Yeah, he was a super spy for English. England. He had a gigantic penis, I think. Is that the guy you're talking about? Nope. This is from Wikipedia, I believe. Reverend Thomas Robert Malthus was an English cleric and scholar, influential in the fields of politics, economy, and demography. Malthus himself was used only, oh, okay, whatever.

Hey, he's this guy who believed that Earth has limited resources, a limited capacity to produce agriculture, and that humanity is going to exceed that capacity. and start dying off. He made that prediction that we would start dying off, I think, around the 1800s or something like that, some absurd prediction. How the fuck do I sound like that?

I'm just saying people don't make computers that work because everyone's a little bit incompetent. Libertarian agenda, that's what this is. How is that a libertarian agenda? People are incompetent. I have a friend. I have a friend who's a staunch libertarian and he believes this exact same thing

and he cannot wait for more automated checkout systems because he says the exact same thing you do. He says, people are incontchalienable. So let's replace them all those robots and machines. But guess what, Dickhead? They're built by the same incompetent people who are building everything else. That's not a solution to anything.

I don't even know where to start. Let's start with generalizing libertarians just for saying people are incompetent. Have you ever been to a fucking drive-through? You think people are competent? Sometimes, Dick, you're generalizing old people. I'm saying that sometimes people are competent. Sometimes zip lining is fun. Yeah, you got to.

You got a real low definition of fun. Anything zip lining's fun. I had a great experience. I can show you the video. My video looks fun. Like, it's kind of fun. I like doing something with my family, but, like, riding around on a tight rope through trees,

through a bunch of tree forts that were built by, like, that are so safe and structured, it barely feels like you're in the jungle. Dick, there was a 500-foot drop to my death below the zip line that I went across, this cavern. I went across this giant ravine. That was exciting. There was, I had a very real, I had a very real brush with death with zip lining.

Yeah, you could potentially. A brush with death. You could, that line could fall, that line could tear. Something could happen. I don't know, man. Nothing's going to happen. You're in a safety harness that gets used all day every day. When you go on a roller coaster, are you like, oh, I'm, I'm, this, this might be the end.

I better sign off my will. No, I better give all my soup to my next of kin. No, there are zip lining feet. You ask. Do you have a, do you have a contingency plan for your website? something were to happen to you? What do you mean? What do you mean? What's going to happen with, what's going to happen to make sure your website stays up after you're gone? Oh, I imagine some wealthy benefactor will continue hosting it and pay for the, how, how? They got to have the

ability to fund this account. What, what's like 10 bucks a month, a hundred bucks a month, whatever, just for the host? Well, no, the hosting itself, uh, through all the different, yeah, it's like seven and, like five, six hundred bucks a month. I'm just saying, it's got to be set up. Yeah, someone will do it. Some will take care of it. Okay. It'll be taken care of it. I'll make sure. I'll make sure. I'll make sure. I'll I'll make sure my website runs, buddy. Don't worry about that. My website's going to be, and I'm not planning on dying.

I think that mortality can be overcome. What were we talking about? Superbugs. Superbugs. No, it was something else. What we were talking about before the zip lining? The fallacy. Oh, the libertarian thing.

The fallibility of man. Yeah, I can't believe you don't think that. But, like, have you seen drivers? Yeah. The way people drive? Incompetent. No, 99% safe. Far more people, billions of people drive every day, Dick,

and there are far fewer accidents than non-accidents. So you're saying people are great drivers? For the most part, yeah. Okay. For the most part, people, I mean, if you define a great driver as somebody who doesn't die, sure. But I have a much more stringent definition of a great driver, and it's me. I define great drivers as somebody who's not sitting in the passing lane while somebody's tailing them by 10 feet. Well, sure, but that's America.

Go to Europe. They're great drivers over there. They adhere to the unspoken rules, the laws of the land, where they move over to the right, they move the fuck over and let people who are going faster past them. Look, man, people aren't dying left and right driving. Yeah, a lot of fatalities occur, but it's relatively few compared to the total number of people who die. Yeah, people, same thing with guns, Dick. That's the argument against gun control.

They're saying, oh, well, there are all these fatalities with guns. But guess what? Way more responsible gun owners exist, don't they? Way more competent people exist, don't they? I believe that people, I do believe. that people are eventually going to overcome most problems, including these superbugs,

including whatever, hurricanes, or whatever, whatever bullshit you want to talk about. People will overcome, man. Well, that's my problem. You're going to do some more voicemails? Yeah. All right. Oh, I got a really funny. Al, here, I'll just do this one. Whoa, Maddox. So, did I just hear you correctly

and you said that porn is honest? Yeah. So do you know how many injections into their cocks, like every single male porn actor has, or how many, you know, plastic surgeries or, you know, fake gallons of demon dumped over them every female porn actor has? No, is that true? I actually do sometimes. Yeah. You know, when you say that porn is honest and, you know, shitty romance movies, like the Titanic aren't.

Yeah. And it is kind of a shitty movie. I will agree with you. Uh-huh. Well, I would know. I mean, I have seen it. There's no difference here. They're both lies. They're both lies sold by commercials, and so go fuck yourself, man.

Dick, you're pretty often. Oh, wow, well, well, well. Injections into their kind. I don't know about that. Look, man, just because you have augmentation doesn't mean you're dishonest. Just because you comb your hair, so it doesn't look like the exact same way that you woke up. Doesn't mean you're dishonest, you're moron. And by the way, it depends on the type of porn. You can watch fake porn. You can watch real porn.

And the majority of porn, I believe, is real. the ones that I watch. I watch a lot of like amateur stuff. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, it's all real size. It's all real size. Yeah, just couples like doing their thing in the bedroom, whatever. This dude wrote in about our outfits for the live show.

Yeah. He says, he says, hey, Dick, did you and Maddox steal your costumes from the set of this classic film I was watching the other day? Oh, boy. So, he sends this, this picture in? Okay. What movie is that? I want you to look at this picture, Sean, I want you to look at this picture too. And tell me if anything jumps out at you.

I'm looking at a picture of a guy putting on a crown in, it looks like a hallway, and he's wearing a red jacket with blue trim and some gold. Just like our outfits on the show. And he's getting a blow job. What do you mean? Is he getting a blow job? Yeah. Yeah, classic film.

And a big old browsers on the corner. Brasers. Yeah. Brasers is a porn site, right? Yeah, big one. Great. So I said, hey, what's this movie? I want to go, I want to go look at it, right, to see what they're doing?

Just this guy so far. So he goes, it's called Tour of London Part 2. I believe it's directed by Christopher Nolan. I found the film to be pretentious and heavy-handed in its central theme, but relatively easy to masturbate to. It certainly deserved Best Picture More Than Birdman. And there's more. When I first heard that Madison Ivy was playing herself

and a semi-autobiographical picture detailing her time in the United Kingdom, I confess I expected this movie would be an exercise in narcissism. How wrong I was, unlike so many of this year's Academy nominees, Tour of London Part 2 treats us to much more than self-absorbed navel-gazing, taking special care to also include close-ups of breasts and vaginas. Whoa, I wasn't expecting that. No.

The casting is spot on, and although coast-o... Danny's D's performance could be described as stiff and wouldn't. He also performs all of his own stunts, even during some of the film's most intense action scenes. At the story's conclusion, you will be utterly convinced by his portrayal of a hard man thrust into circumstances beyond his control. Okay.

And if you hang on until the very end, you'll discover that he even has a softer side. There you go. Which turns out to be his penis. Yeah, a lot of people shitting on our costumes, but... But this guy had this at the ready. Yeah. Like, he had seen the costume before in a porno that he had a detailed opinion about.

Yeah, in a porno of a guy getting laid. Take the hand, dude. Wait, what? Yeah, the guy wearing that jacket, the porno's getting laid. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, it's pretty fucking cool. Okay. Dick, on that live show, you look like such a douchebag with long hair.

What happened to the cool buzz cut, aviars and muffled? Like when you were on doctor, Phil. You still look like an asshole, but like the asshole friend that you just hang out with, I just don't know exactly why. Anyway, go fuck yourself. A lot of commentary on how I look. Yeah, man.

People tearing you up. Unrealistic standards of beauty. Yeah, I should feel bad. I should feel worse. Let's see. Hey, Maddox. If you don't like watching fucking Titanic, How about you quit bringing in shitty-ass fucking problem?

You idiot. You know, man, it's not that I'm bringing in shitty problems. Yeah, some problems are going to be smaller than others, you fuck. Of course, bathroom attendance is going to be a smaller problem than, say, AIDS or type 2 diabetes or militarized police. But this is a show where we rank all the problems, and we cannot say with certainty that we know the biggest problem in the universe until every single problem is enumerated on that list. Sure, it's true. So sometimes I'm going to bring in a problem that I know is going to get lesser votes. It's going to get less votes than whatever else is there that week.

At some point, I'll probably bring in ants answer a problem, but they're probably not as big of a problem as, I don't know, anything else on our list. I don't know. It depends how you pitch it. Yeah, well, maybe. All right, what are your problems for this week? My problem this week was fit shaming, and what was yours? Problems super bugs. All right, that's it for this episode, guys.

Thanks for listening. check out Audible. Thanks for supporting the show, and our bonus episode is out. Vote on the live episode as well. Thanks for listening. In San Antonio, I'm calling to make, to say some things in defensive sleep, because you guys were both in agreement, thinking to sleep was the biggest problem in the universe. No, people who love to sleep too much. Maddox, you said that people don't do anything while they're sleeping. Yeah.

And that nobody has cool adventures while they're asleep. Oh, boy. But I wanted to say, you've probably heard of it, but for those who don't, there's something something called lucid dreaming. Oh, I hate lucid dreaming. Really? Yeah. Practice and dedication.

Why? And it basically allows you to control your dreams. You can go on all kinds of crazy adventures all inside of your head. And it's totally a thing that people do. People get a lot of enjoyment out of it. And they can use that inspiration to contribute. So anyway, thanks for hearing me out. He's so polite.

Dick, go fuck yourself. He's so polite. He only says, fuck. Lucid dreaming is a piece of shit I started writing an article a long time ago I actually finished it but I didn't think it was up to standard so I didn't publish it but it's all about how much I hate lucid dreaming

Why? Because I'm really good at it I can lucid dream all I want all the time But guess what? What? Wait a minute, what? Yes. How? Lucid dreaming is garbage Wait a minute, you can do this all the time Yes

The thing where you fall asleep And you control all aspects of your dream Yes You can do that all the time Yes And you are excited about the Oculus Rift? Why? Isn't that the same thing? Absolutely not, because lucid dreaming, you're just jerking yourself off.

You're daydreaming. There's no difference. Lucid dreaming, I'm conscious of my dream state when I'm in a dream, and I intentionally try to forget that I'm awake and conscious, so I can see where my mind goes on its own. If I'm controlling my mind and my sleep, what's the difference between being awake? I'm just daydreaming then. It's a big fucking jerk off.

Everyone thinks lucid dreaming is so fucking fancy and fun. like Inception, ooh, it can fly. Guess what I'm fucking flying right now. I'm imagining myself flying through there. Ooh, big fucking deal. It's a big jerk off. You can do this while you're sleeping? You have this ability to be aware of your dream state and control it.

Yes, I hate it. I intentionally try to not lose a dream. I don't want to do it. You know that that's, or at least I think that that's extremely rare. People can't do that, right? I mean, people train themselves to lose a dream. Did you? No, I didn't.

There's audio tapes that you can take. When I first started realizing that there was a name for lucid dreaming, I didn't know what it was. I looked into it and I found that there are people who listen to audio tapes as they're falling asleep that give them audio cues to remind them that they're dreaming or that they're asleep about when REM sleep occurs. So there are people who train themselves to start lucid dreaming. But lucid dreaming isn't a solution to anything.

You're trapped inside your own mind. It's far more interesting to me to see where the random places your mind takes you while you're sleeping, the associations you wouldn't think to make on your own when your mind does that while you're sleeping. So you're saying when you're asleep, you are just sitting in an empty white room like the Matrix being aware that you're sleeping? No, no, I have dreams. And usually during those dreams at some point, I realize that I'm dreaming and I tell myself

to ignore it and I just continue dreaming, yeah. Whoa. Yeah. That's not weird? It's not as interesting as it sounds. It's really not. Well, what this guy's saying, it sounds interesting, because you can make, you can, like, do cool stuff.

Yeah, but you're being hot chicks. Well, sure, but you can't, like, if you want to imagine a monster or a creature or something, some experience that you haven't experienced yet, it's entirely up to you to imagine. And it's only as real as your real-life experiences have allowed it. Like, if you're trying, like, a blind person, try and explain to a blind person what a texture looks like

or a color looks like, if you're trying to imagine something you've never seen before, It's really difficult. It's really difficult. I'm not even sure it's possible. Why would I try to imagine something I hadn't seen before? Exactly. Why lucid dream?

Well, because lucid... Like, I could pretend that I'm flying around. Well, you can do that now. I'm doing that right fucking now. What's the difference? Yeah, but when you're in a dream, you actually feel it. Yeah. Like you're feeling the feeling of flying around.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm over it. I get butterflies in my stomach every now and then, but whatever. Oh, man. Lucid dreaming is boring. Biggest problem in the universe. I'm going to bring that in. Luce a dreaming. Okay.

Here's another one. I just wanted to inform you that the National Sleep Foundation recently conducted a study that recommended seven to nine hours of sleep for young adults and stated 10 to 11 hours may be appropriate. This study was released in 2015, was conducted over a period of two years and consisted of a panel of need experts. I don't know where you got your crooked information for this episode. But I promise, if you just type sleep into Google,

the first thing you'll get is the National Fleet Foundation. Well, it was the second. Wikipedia's first. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, she broke her promise then, didn't she? Where'd you get that crooked information, Maddoxie? It was from, I believe, oh shit.

I don't know. I linked to it in the last time. Yeah, it's legit. Yeah. No, there's another study that just came out that said more than 10 hours increases your... I just read this the other day after that sleep episode. It said it increases your chance of, I think, morbidity or diabetes or something by 40% if you sleep too much. Yeah.

I mean, it makes sense. It all correlates to the type of lifestyle that affords you hours and hours to sleep. Sure. Hey, those messages for dick. I saw the live podcast show. And, you know, I used to have hair a lot like yours. And for one, it doesn't look like cubes. Pugues are tight and, you know, they kind of look like a fro and have those springy hairs on occasion.

You're describing pubs to us. Thanks, buddy. It's telling a metal rock band kind of deal. But I will say, your hair line, that's your problem. It doesn't compliment. Your hair doesn't compliment your hair line very well. So when I got my hair It was way cooler

And then I had some chick permit And so like because of the curl We're talking about hair I'm not talking about fucking hair I'm not talking about fucking hair Right Cancel is fucking See you next week