The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 44

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe I'm Maddox with me is Dick Masterson. Hey, what's that funny? How's it going? And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. Welcome back, welcome back. So live episode number three dropped with Ella Darling. And the votes, the comments came in a little bit more positive, I think. Yeah.

Yeah. I got a couple comments saying me and Ella should hook up. Okay, Dick. Was that just from your own personal Facebook status update? No, no, no. That was real people saying I got an email on it from Joel Bailey. Hey Dick, you and Ella Darling should star in a pornographic adventure titled Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon.

Yeah. It can be just you and Ella complaining about how uncomfortable jungle sex is until you find the legendary Casper mattress in tube socks of antiquity, go fuck yourself out. You know, I got a number of people commenting. Everyone was pissed off because you screwed up that pun. This guy says Gunther Inc. on YouTube. He says, why did he not say Indiana Jones in the Temple of Poon?

I said Indiana Jones in the temple of not getting come on my mom's comforter, didn't I? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a funnier joke to me. Yeah, and the Temple of Boom would have been funny. Temple of Poon would have been funny? No, I'm more of like a pie in the face kind of guy. I don't like a bunch of clever wordplay, all right, Mr. New Yorker. Oh, whoa, excuse me. Didn't know this was class warfare. All right, Dick, let's just get through the votes here. um chump syndrome came in uh top last episode you know how i don't i don't i'm gonna call shenanigans on this dick because for the longest time people who turned left was in the positive territory and was outranking all the problems from last week and then out of nowhere all of a sudden no i know why it's because it's because when you launch the podcast it goes to your network of fans that's why your problems always start higher like they always shoot up in the beginning and that's the And then over time, like casual listeners and fans of the show will listen.

They'll listen and actually think about the problems. No, that's not true. That's not okay. And then that's when it comes around to me. Yeah, good theory, except for the part that it's entirely horseshit. So when I bring in problems that the fans disagree with, like, for example, fries, you idiots, love your French fries. You voted that down into oblivion. Fries is one of the lowest things on the list, and I fucking think fries are so boring.

You know what, if you guys like fries so much, if fries are so good, why do you use? always have to eat them with ketchup. Well, fries a condiment delivery system. Yeah, condiment delivery That's what's so great about them. Yeah, so is my finger. You just eat handfuls of ketchup? Ah, whatever. And then spoiler cry babies

from the live show, which you said doesn't count in the final... I think it does count, Dick, I'm going to change the rules. And then the pronoun they, then people who turn left in the negative territory, I guess you guys are fucking morons, and then having sex in weird places. There you go. That was last? That was dead last.

Oh, that's shameful. Yeah. I got a comment from Maya 1. This girl says, she is the worst guest they've had. Oh, come on. All her swear words are forced, and her nose is fucking bullshit. Oh, what is that? Why are always picking on the appearances of everybody?

What are you saying about the nose? Like, there's nothing wrong with Ella's nose. It's great. It's a great nose. She's beautiful. Okay, Dick. I'm going to barf all over this microphone. What are you got?

Um, you know what? I think I know where you screwed up with the people turn left problem. What? Because I agree with you. I hate left turns. Yeah. Emphatically agree with you. It's the people part. If it had just been left turns, I think you would have got a lot of votes. Dick, that's like bringing in guns as a problem, right? Guns aren't running around killing people, are they? It's people who are dipsheds who misuse guns. Or it's people, it's always the people. Left turns don't exist outside of people, Dick. Left turn, there isn't just like a big pile of left turns causing problem. It's the people who choose to make left turns. That's why I specifically phrase it as that.

You're getting real existential on me lately after your Oculus Rift eye-opening experience. It's changed my mind. I got a comment from Justin Wang. I emphatically agreed with when Dick brought up sex in weird places on the video podcast. Not surprised to see it downvoted by people who are probably desperate to even have sex in normal places. That's this guy saying that. I'm not saying that. Sometimes when you travel a lot, you have to make do with what you can.

But I think it's just never as enjoyable when you have a nice, clean bed, control of your environment, and all the time in the world. That's all I'm saying. Cry babies. It's fun. It's adventurous, man. Someone pointed out in the YouTube comments, they said that you want to be a sailor man, and yet you won't have sex in weird places. That's all sailors do is have sex in weird places. No, they don't.

They only have sex when they come into port. Yeah, those are weird places. Port? A whorehouse? That's not a weird place? Weird. Who has sex there? Hey, I got a comment from Jeff Jimps on YouTube. He says, holy shit, this show

and the other episodes are awful. And then someone named Mr. Berger's comments and said, get raped. This is on YouTube? He was on YouTube. Do what kind of avatar does he have? Just like a little dude sitting back. And then I got another

one from General Canobi. He says, drop this already and go back to just writing. And then Mr. Berger says, get raped. That's his catchphrase that he's trying to get caught on. Another comment from chicken pie. He says, 10 bucks has 99% of guys went and jerked off to Ella immediately after watching.

Sounds like kind of a positive comment, right? Oh, yeah, that's as positive as a kid's in my eyes. Mr. Burgers, get raped. Yeah, I got another comment. This is on Facebook. His name's Daniel Eek. He says, 9-11 was just one big left turn with planes. Is that true?

Probably. Did they do a loop? Well, yeah, you go out over... Where do you leave from LaGuardia? Boston, I believe. And then they... No, they went out of New York. Yeah.

They went out to New York, didn't they? I think they left in Boston, then went to New York. Uh-oh. This is going to be a disaster in the comments. Oh, boy. We're part of the truthers all of a sudden. Let's see. Did you tell people they should be tweeting pictures of hairy packages to you?

Yeah. Last episode. Remember, Dick? It was last episode. I said, if you guys get these packages, take a picture of it and tweet it at us, and Harry's... Harry's Shave Kid. Harry's Shave Kid, yeah. Okay, I thought they were saying pictures of their...

No, not their... Not their... That was a joke people were making. Like, hey, Maddox, here's my balls, idiots. There was another Sativa Sean. Did you see that? No, I didn't see it the new one. Yeah, it said...

It's a picture of Sean, you know, audio engineer. Dr. Feel Good over there. God damn it. And it says, I know a thing or two. about mids and highs. That's funny. Emphasis on highs. Will John Todd?

It's not funny, really. It's funny to me. Yeah. I have something special for you, Dick. It's your favorite segment. Dick versus. This segment doesn't even make any sense. It's always out of context.

It's such horrid. It's such chicken shit, small ball nonsense. Small ball. It's small ball. It's small ball. He's speaking of small ball. This comment comes from episode way back in episode 27. Jordan Bien Ami.

Jordan Bien Ami, the fan sent this in. He noticed this Dick versus Dick, so thanks, Jordan. This is from episode 27. Listen to this. Like me, don't like me, I don't give you shit. Yeah. Remember saying that dick? That's it.

I was a different man back then, though. A lot of months has gone by. Yeah, yeah. And then last episode, here's what you said. I care what people think about me. I'm not one of these enlightened individuals who doesn't care. I actually care. You remember saying that dick?

Fuck off. Both of those things can be true. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You don't care about what people think about you, and you do care about what people think about you. Look, liking me or not liking me is different from having an opinion. It's like a specific opinion about me.

Like, oh, I hate him, but he is funny. See? That is some... I don't care if you like me, I just want you to think I'm funny. Dick, that is some fancy verbal tap dancing you just did. Good job. That's all I got. You have my own to get to the problems?

No, because I have a segment for you. Oh, boy. Hold on, let me find this. Let me find my segment music. Maddox versus Maddox. Is that it coming? I'm just bracing for it one of these days. Oh, here it is.

You motherfucker. Because you know what it means that Chump's syndrome, Oh, man, this makes me angry. As everyone knows, Maddox has sworn not to watch the movie Titanic, so when he loses, I play 30 seconds of the movie Titanic so that eventually he has watched the whole thing. Yeah, I will have never watched this movie. Such a piece of shit. But then you said you would watch it. No, no, no, no.

So that was a bald-faced line. For self-preservation, I explained that already. Okay. This fucking song. You know what, Dick? What? I have something interesting about the Titanic, though. What?

So I was curious what exactly I said about the Titanic way back today because I wrote that article in 1997. Fucking this song. I fucking hate this song. It's fucking bullshit-ass song. What did you say? You know what? Good. Fuck you.

Whoever sang this song, fuck you. Because you had to listen to the song and then you had to keep it in mind and make a parody of it. Yeah, I like this song. It's a fucking bullshit song, dick. This isn't metal. So what did you say? What did you say? Back in the day.

So I went back and looked at the articles. Okay. And I'd written at least three articles mentioning the title. Titanic and how much I hated it. And I was reading it and it refreshed my memory. I thought, oh, wow, okay, this is exactly. Because, you know, I hate that movie because it's, uh, the entire movie,

first of all, is contrived that love story never happened. And it's a movie about adultery. Yeah, that's the whole fucking movie. It's just about adultery. That's what it is. That's a lot of romantic movies, though. That's why I don't watch a lot of fucking bullshit-ass romantic movies. What are you like a priest?

No. Like, you don't like adultery in your movies? You know what? score them by like vices? Ah, there was adultery. There was blasphemy in that movie. Because people champion this movie like some great fucking love story. It's not. It's a woman who cheated on her boyfriend. That's all it is.

It's a woman who's too much of a pussy, too much of a coward to confront her abusive boyfriend and say, enough's enough, I'm going to walk away, I'm done. She just went behind his back and cheated because she doesn't have the moral fortitude. She doesn't have the balls. She doesn't have a backbone to confront her boyfriend and dump him before she goes and shacks up with his loser. Why are you so invested in this? So did you read the plot or something on Wikipedia?

No, no, no. This was the old article I read, Lauren Temo, yeah. How did you write that without watching the movie then? I inferred. I think I must have read about it. You read about it. I read some reviews and I inferred. Yeah, I wrote a review for lots of movies that I haven't written,

or that I haven't watched way back in the day. So you like movies like enough with Jennifer Lopez, like women who are strong and stand up for themselves again. You want to watch that? one? I don't know, man. I don't know. I've never seen that movie. All right, well, you're watching Titanic now. When we laugh, what? I have, I have one other important revelation. Oh, great. I was looking specifically for the phrase where I said, I would never watch Titanic, and I didn't find it in my old articles. Oh, I had just made that statement verbally. So,

and it became part of your mythos. He became part of my consciousness, yeah. Okay, well, when we last left Titanic, a bunch of, uh, uh, aquam machines and submarines were down at the bottom of the sea, filming a documentary, but then when they shut the documentary off, they were up to something else. Right. Right? And they were just sending out their little probe,

like the guy in the back of Optimus Prime. Anal probes. Stupid fucking movie. Look, Maddox. I'm not looking. Look at this stuff. That's a boot. There's a boot on the floor.

A beautiful woman might have worn that boot. And some glasses. Yeah, oh, great. Yeah, glasses are going to find glasses intact at the bottom of the sea. Look at this. A child's, mask, a porcelain doll mask. That was once held by

a child on this vessel. I don't give a fuck what was held by a child. Gross. This is a whole life locked under the sea. Yeah, you know how many other ships have sunk? All anyone cares about is the Titanic. I also wrote about that. We're good. Oh, we're focusing

on Titanic because of this stupid fucking plot contrived bullshit. Did you see that guy had something that looked like the Oculus Rift? No. That he was using. Do you want to watch it again? No, I'm good. I'm good dick. Even if it might be an It's non-Noculus rift thing? It's non-Noculus rifts because that came That movie came out like 1996

It was a precursor though I don't give a shit All right Oh I got a voicemail you want to hear Great A fine day here boys This Cato Your ambassador to the keyware

Fucking cookie tree Out for the last week I've been fighting about The old hay favor You know there's more stuffed up Than Hilton John's butthole That's right Everything

then off Luke I found me a cure and just in time for all St. Patty's Day. I was in warning after a long, brutal day of philanthropy. I poured myself in glass

my new favorite libation Fireball whiskey. Oh, fuck you, Bono. A few sips. All me troubles faded away. I was so impressed that I went so far as to make Fireball Whiskey

the official pseudo-wisky out of you, too. and all of our right. So when your boys next be enjoying a glass of fireball, not only can you feel like a real man. He can make a bold statement. The statement that you love

and stand with you too with all of our fans in cinnamon solidarity. Until next time, boys, may you have walls for the winds, a roof for the rains, and a dick for fucking yourself. Oh, man.

Why is that guy so funny? What, Bono? You choose Bono? That's you choose Bono. Yeah, he's a big fan of the show. Yeah, I didn't know he's such a funny. You know, yeah, he took time from his long, hard, grueling days of philanthropy to call into the show. Thanks, Bono.

God bless him. All right, you want to get to some problems? Yeah, what do you got this week? My first problem is smartphone fact-finding fuckheads. Oh, okay. That sounds promising. What do you got? Well, this has been bugging me for a long time, but it started, I'm going to base it off this email that Kyle Simmons wrote.

You remember a few episodes ago when you paused the episode to look up a stats on the life expectancy of people 100 years ago, right? Yeah, I wanted to verify, yes. You wanted to verify? Because there was some curiosity over whether or not it was as low as you were saying it was. You insisted that it wasn't, and it sounded like you knew something I didn't. I thought, no, I'm not crazy. I know this is pretty much a fact.

I just have to verify it. Pretty much a fact. And that's where the magic lies. I'm pretty sure it was a fact. Yeah, that's where, I mean, in the poker game of life, the I'm pretty sure I'm making the right move here is where the thing is. That thin, that asymptotic line that you can get to where you don't know for sure, but you're pretty sure. Right? That's when the magic happens.

That's when you start risking things. Like reputation. That's when you start looking like an asshole. You know what I mean? When you started getting dicks versus dicks? Nope. Nope. Not then.

When you start maybe being the big R word. Wrong. I thought you made the other big R word roundabout, the three word one? Look, you know my life motto. ABC. Always be trolling. Oh, yeah, Dick, you're fucking trying to... You're backpedaling, this is what you're doing,

you're backpedaling so hard, you're trying to save face. Yeah, look, anyway. So you pause the episode. You're projecting, by the way. This is all projection. Projecting what? You're projecting... You're saying that...

Wait a minute. What are you talking about? That's your... That's what you do, Dick. That's what you rely on, and you're projecting that... Rely on what? What do I mean? What do I rely on?

Oh, that, you know, where you wager your reputation and you're... the magic lies in this little thin area here, you're projecting. This is the Oculus. This is an nice armchair psychology. Yeah, what are you talking about? Stop saying the word projecting. What do you mean?

This is Oculus dick here. Because you see things through your prism. So you think that other people are kind of doing the same thing. No, no, no, no. I'm saying when you get to a point where you have a stat in your head and you think it's, you think it's true, you have to make the decision, without looking it up, you have to make the decision to either. go with it or not. You have to base choices on that and make statements based on something that

you don't know for sure, but you believe in it. Well, Dick, I agree that you are saying those words. So go on. Okay. So, so you pause the episode, right? I tried. To look it up. I tried. Yeah, but I don't like pausing conversations. You know that, especially to look up stats that I think are worthless. To carry on a point mean made, yes. So you found that the life expectancy, which is now like 80, right? Yeah. And you looked it up because you said it was 50, and that seemed low to me, and you looked it up and the computer said, Google said it is, in fact, 50.

No, I said it was more than doubled. It had more than doubled since like the 19th century, the turn of the 19th century. So it was down at 40? Yeah, it was around 40. It was a big drop that I thought was staggering, right? Yeah, yeah. So you looked it up and conversation continued after

that as much as it could. It limped along after that. This guy, Kyle Simmons, and this is my point, he says, hey Dick, just wanted to let you know that the average life expectancy was so much lower because the infant mortality rate was so much higher. People still lived to be pretty much the same age as we do now. They were just more likely to die as a baby. So cram this dildo of knowledge down Maddox's throat. That's unnecessary. I don't know why he put that. P.S. Your hair fucking rules, love, I'm crazy for Swayzy. What's that guys? The shoutouts that these emails throw in at the end.

What's that guy's name? What's that guy's name? His real name? Yeah. Kyle Simmons. Oh, too bad, Kyle Simmons, too bad you didn't actually look more into those stats. Oh, Christ. Because they didn't count babies in that mortality rate. In fact, if they had counted babies in that mortality rate, it drops the mortality rate or the life expectancy to about like 14 years or something absurd. Because so many times. Yeah, because that's when the majority of people dies is when they're babies. They don't make it out of childbirth.

So they only count people who grow past the age six or something like that because otherwise it totally throws off the skis. So sorry, dickhead, no, that doesn't count. Look. Here's my point. Here's why smartphone fact-finding fuckheads is a problem. Because none of this shit matters. What matters is it's interesting to me that you think the life expectancy is so incredibly low, and I don't believe it. That's the interesting part.

What's interesting is why you think that to me. And that's this fact-finding fuckery that's happening. that's happening because of smartphones is just killing conversations all day, every day. And that's a huge problem to me. You know, Dick, I'm so glad that you brought this up

because I really wanted to talk about this because that was a really interesting thing you said during that episode. Yeah. No. You waiting for that backhanded compliment? That was a backhanded compliment. I'm waiting for the other slap.

Those other slap small are coming, buddy. Yeah. So that was really interesting to what you said, because you think it's interesting that I may have a perspective that may be incorrect based on some non-factual knowledge, right? You think that's interesting rather than the actual fact that supports the point that makes a solid argument in favor or against whatever I'm saying, right? You think the process is more interesting than the conclusion. Yes. Stupid. That's stupid.

What's more important? Crazy. Dick, what's more important is the actual cohesive argument? That's what's important. Not whether or not I may have read a wrong statistic or I got my facts jumbled or confused in my mind. If there's something, look, and here's the second point I want to bring up. I'll get back to this. But the second point I wanted to bring up is I thought this was a really interesting problem you brought in this week

because I thought you were specifically going to talk about how the fact-finding dickheads kill conversations. Yeah, they do. But usually the fact-finding dickheads, this is the type of conversation. This actually happened to me two days ago. I was sitting around talking about the movie Jurassic Park. And my friend and I couldn't remember for the life of us who the actor was, the main actor, the guy with a big word on his face. Here we go. And some asshole is like a gunslinger in the Wild West.

If someone doesn't know a fact, boom, they bust them out of their pockets. And it's like quick draw McGraw with their smartphones. Right. And the name of the actor was irrelevant to our conversation. Totally irrelevant. It could have made no difference. In fact, I literally said it makes no difference. Let's just say his name was Bill or Bob.

It makes absolutely no difference. Because we're not talking about that actor. We're just talking about Jurassic Park, right? Right. So, of course, the conversation got derailed, and we went on this fact-finding mission for this irrelevant information. However, the difference with that conversation that we had on our episode where I was talking about life expectancy, you were disputing a fact that I was making. So that was relevant.

That was something that we had to know before we went on, not a superfluous little tidbit of information like the actor from Jurassic Park. Slippery slope. No, it's a very clearly divine slope. I agree with what you're saying. I agree with what you're saying that there sometimes a fact can be relevant. Sean and I were driving over here and he was asking when opening day was and I looked it up on my phone.

You saw it because opening day for the Dodger Stadium, right? Because I go to opening day every year at Dodger Stadium. Explain what opening day is to Open day of baseball. First day of the first home game of the season is opening day. It's a big party. They fly the B2 bomber over the stadium.

Usually the stealth bomber. A lot of fun. We get drunk. Don't bleakily or you miss it. Oh, yeah. Because it's so quiet, man. It's like a UFO. Yeah. It comes in. And it's like gone in a second, too. It's like, well, okay, I guess that was cool. What do you want to do?

Cover? Yeah. I just fly around a couple times, you know, drop some streamers, some smoke streamers, something. I am smoke streamers out of a B2 war machine? They'll figure it out. I don't think it's good for that. I believe in America, Dick. Yeah. I think they like to still have some

respect for themselves, though, when they're flying it over. Like, this is a show of our military might. Come on, Blue Angels. Blue Angels is a show of our military might, buddy. Yeah. All right. I like to do that. So even bringing this problem in, I was looking it up on my phone. I'm like, yeah, there's definitely a difference between something that's relevant to like that will, this will help the conversation. Right now the conversation is stymied on knowing this fact. So I'm looking it up. But usually, like in the case of the guy from Jurassic Park, it's just not.

Yeah, so that's where I thought you were going more with this problem. Well, I am. That is the gist of your problem, right? Yeah. Okay, I'm on board with that because it does derail conversations and it's not fucking important. Look, guys, try to transport yourselves to a time before cell phones existed. Or before you had this little book of knowledge with you at all times. It's called Wikipedia that you can look up any fucking time you'll.

You need to, you need to, I'm going to submit the following criteria. on whether or not you should go on a fact-finding mission during a conversation. Ask yourself if it's relevant to the conversation. Ask yourself, then if knowing that knowledge changes anything, because usually if you just say, oh, I knew it, and then you just move on, no one fucking cares. No one cares that you knew it or you thought you knew it or it was somebody. It's that little itch that you got to scratch inside your brain.

It's like, oh, I have that, it's just on the tip of my tongue. It's just selfish gratification. It's like jerking off in the middle of the conversation. It is just as offensive as just jerking off Because it's just, oh, I need this. I need to satisfy this curiosity. That's a great way of putting a dick. I agree.

It's intellectual jerking off. No, I was talking to this girl last night. I was driving her home, and she was telling me something about like a cricket league. And she threw out the acronym, and I said, what does that stand for? Right. Anne Zar or something like that?

Not relevant at all. Right. Just to get her talking, you know. Right. You got to keep them talking. Keep the rational mind working so the sex mind can, you know. So the one hand doesn't know what the other's doing. Do you actually know this psychological theory, this principle that you're quoting here?

I mean, I've done extensive research. Have you really? This is an actual thing. It's true. What I'm saying is true? Tell me more. What do you mean? I listened to this episode of Radiolab a long time ago,

and they talked about how the rational mind and the subconscious are two different things. things. Yeah. They gave specifically an example where on average, the average person can remember around seven digits at any given time. More than seven, they start to drop off. It's a big bell curve. And then anything before seven is fine.

Everyone can remember up to seven digits. So they gave people, as an experiment, different numbers of digits to memorize. And then they sat them inside a room. And then the researcher said, okay, go down the hallway to this other room and get a refreshment. The people who were memorizing numbers that were less than seven, like four-digit numbers, five-digit numbers, when they were offered snacks of grapes or chocolate cake, they overwhelmingly chose the healthier option, which is grapes. And then the people who were memorizing seven digits or more overwhelmingly chose chocolate cake. So science is proving. This is a great dick tip, by the way.

If you keep them, if you keep their mind working, they will satisfy their base. their primal impulses. Yeah, their primal impulses. Are you kidding me? And this isn't a dick tip, Dick. I just fucking said it. Yeah, but I threw it into getting laid. I took science and applied it. Yeah. You know what? You get the dick tip and then they get the Maddox shaft. Yeah, it's a it's a shaft. Yeah, but that's an actual, that's an actual true principle that actually works. Well, the fucking phone killed it. Because instead of trying to remember and like telling me what, instead of this girl coming up with what this acronym was, she pulled out her phone and started looking for it. And I was like, oh God. And then

I went off into a rant about looking up facts on your smartphone. Yeah. And next thing, you know, I got to start over. I got to start the seduction process over again. I didn't know you started to begin with if you're talking about what, the acronym of cricket. She was interested in it. Oh, yeah. She was talking about her dad.

Did you ask her how her dad is? Yeah. How a relationship with her dad is? Yeah, of course. Yeah. And so how'd that play out, Dick? Did you end up betting this chick? Yes.

Oh, did you? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Was it somebody you already knew or totally knew? I knew her. Okay. That doesn't count.

Sorry, I'll give you partial credit for that, Dick. Yeah, you know, I do think, like, I get what you're coming from with your whole stats thing. But I do think it's more interesting to nail people down on why they think is a stats is the way it is versus looking it up. Like, that age thing? Because you look it up and we just move on. You don't learn about someone's, like, beliefs of how society was back then with the age thing specifically, or someone's like, someone's prejudices, not negatively, but just like about the way they see

things back in the day. You know, Dick, that explanation is good. However, I don't think it applied to knowing the mortality rate in context of that conversation, because that means absolutely not, like, I'm not, I have no opinion about the mortality rate in that, around the turn of the century. It is what it is. Whether you tell, whether I look it up and it's 30 years old or 40 years old or 50 years old, or 50 years old, it's just a number,

and it was to prove a point that humanity, remember the argument we were having? I was saying that humanity has improved the mortality rate over time, and you were using that as an argument, the context was, to say that the Oculus Rift isn't going to work as we suspect, because

humanity always fails, blah, blah, blah. And I gave an example that the mortality rate has improved over time. So that number is irrelevant. It just means that the point I was trying to make is that it was, it had improved. But it was only irrelevant in that, insofar as,

okay, no, it was, it was relevant. I changed my mind. It was relevant. It was relevant. But, oh, what I meant to say is, my opinion of that number is irrelevant. That's not interesting. I think it is, though. Why, why?

Tell me why. I not only don't think that that's the most interesting part. I don't think that's interesting at all. No, it's interesting to me. Why? Because I want to know why you think that. Like, I want to know why that piece of data is important to you, first of all. Dick, I read it, well, you know why it's important in the context of that argument, but I read it in a book.

That's why I think that. I read it in a book somewhere. But it's in contention. Like, even this guy here, Kyle Simmons has an opinion on it. Like, it's not, like, he's got counter facts for it. Yeah, he's got an uninformed opinion. That's why I have that little disclaimer on the comment section on the website. This says uninformed opinions.

Go ahead and place them here. and then our fans listen to it. They post their uninformed opinions. Because that guy, if you include, again, if you include babies in that mortality rate, it drastically throws the average off. Now I don't know who to believe. Well, Dick, you should always put your trust in me.

That's the thing. I don't know who to believe now, and I didn't learn anything about anybody. Okay, so does that undermine what you said or what I said? Think about it, dude. You. I didn't have to think very long. Look it up.

on Google. Who does that undermine? Yeah. Me or you. Great. The average user, the average cell phone user reaches for their phone at 7.30 a.m. in the morning. I got some stats on the Daily Mail. They spend three hours and 16 minutes a day on their phone

that amounts to one full day a week. I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Four out of ten people admit feeling lost without their gadgets. Oh yeah. It's an addiction. It's absolutely an addiction. You know, Dick, I went through way back in the day. And when I had a QWERTY phone that wasn't a total piece of shit like the one I have now.

Quarty for people who don't know is the keyboard. Yeah, the full physical keyboard. When I had a really good phone, it was the Nokia E90. If you guys look this up, this phone had by far the best mobile keyboard I've ever used. I could type so fast on this thing. There was a dedicated control key, a tab key. There was a pipe key. Oh, my God.

All of these things to SSH into my shell server and do actual work. I could run Quake on this phone. Quake would run, and it was network through Bluetooth. It was unbelievable. So this keyboard allowed me to type so fast that I would sometimes send up to 20 text messages in under a minute to different people, different groups, organizing events, telling people where to be, what time to show up. What is, what are you like a community organizer? What do you mean? What are you doing?

I was organizing different people. I was telling people where to show up for different groups that I was in at the time. Yeah, that sort of thing. So I was sending out so many texts. Out of curiosity, I thought, I wonder how many texts I'm sending in a month. And I did the math, and I went to my cell provider, and I looked at the total number of text messages. Then I looked at the average length of each one of my text messages, converted it to words, and then converted the number of words to pages. And it turned out I had written around 120 pages of text just through my cell phone,

through sending text messages in one month. That's a lot. Yeah. That's not as alarming to me as the amount of analysis you put into, like, your life. Yeah. Like analyzing your bills and calculating words per text and stuff. I don't do any of that. Yeah, I know.

I know, Dick. Do you know anyone else who does that? No, I don't. I don't know as many people who are as introspective. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, that's my problem. It is an addiction.

And if you call anyone on it, they say the same, it's, they say the same thing that an addict says. I just, I had to do it. I have this curiosity that I have. I had to satisfy it. Yeah, they can't, they can't not touch their cell phones. It's insane. It is an addiction.

Uh, but speaking of other addictions, Dick, I got, I got an addiction for you. Hmm. Being an idiot, specifically, being a well-intentioned idiot. That's my problem this week, Dick. Oh. Well-intentioned idiots. Oh, yeah, thank you.

Like your article. Yeah, so I wrote this article. Got spread around quite a bit. I hate to use the word viral, but it resonated with a lot of people. Yeah, I'll be honest. I was surprised. About the article? That it resonated with so many people.

Oh, I... Because I don't know that I... Like, it didn't upset me at all, and it upset you a lot. And it looks like it upset a lot of other people, too. But, I mean, that's your thing. Like, you know what people think. Yeah. Well, so let's fill in the people who don't know.

The article was titled. the dancing man and the cult of well-intentioned idiots. Dick, about a week and a half, two weeks ago, there was this picture that showed up on 4chan of this fat guy, and there was a caption on the picture. It said, spotted this specimen trying to dance the other week. He stopped when he saw us laughing. Okay?

That's a very mean-spirited comment. It shows us fat guy who was in motion in one shot, and then the second shot shows him looking down and a little bit sad. Yeah. A little bit. The only problem is, this was posted in the slash B forum on 4chan, and let me read you the heading for slash B. It says, the stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Yeah, that's just a, I think that's more of a general disclaimer, though, to get them away from, like, all the illegal stuff everybody always talks about doing. Well, possibly. I believe what you're saying. that it didn't happen the way the kids said it did. Because it seems like they're bragging about making a fat guy feel bad. And then I already think that's bullshit. Yeah. Like, I think they didn't do it.

Well, there's just simply no evidence for any of this. Look, if you ask somebody... So this group of women... I'm sorry, can I interview for one second? Sean, do you understand what he's talking about? Because you're... I don't know if you saw this dancing fat guy thing. But does it make sense the way Maddox is describing it?

Yeah, I saw a little bit about it. Okay. I'm just making sure, because I'm very familiar with this. I want to make sure it's someone who isn't. Crystal clear, right? Yeah. All right. We're all on the same page.

This group of women in Los Angeles, there's this group called GNI, and it's all girls only. Just a bunch of girls in this group. Sexist. It's a hidden. It is, I believe, because I don't know of any groups that are just, that I'm part of, that are just guys. I don't join any groups like, oh, hey guys, oh, men only here. Who gives a shit? So this group is women's only.

And they decided to throw a little something for this guy. They decided to, first of all, put out a virtual manhunt to find this guy. Yeah. And then they wanted to throw him a party with just 1,700 women dancing for him. That sounds pretty cool. That's why I didn't get why you were pissed off about it. Like, that sounds like a dream. Like, this guy fell into an oil well.

He fell into a pot of gold. What if he's gay, dick? Do you guys like dancing with broads? Do they? Yeah. Why? Why specifically? Because they're making an assumption about this guy's sex.

Why specifically? Because chicks are fun. Are they? You know what? These chicks? Yeah, probably. 1,700 chicks. They probably got a lot of fun ones in there.

They like dancing. Yeah. More projection. More projecting. Dick's projecting what he likes on other people. That's what this is. Maddox. It's a bunch of chicks that like dancing.

They're party girls. They pride themselves on their ability to have fun. Dick, it's condescending. Why don't you let this man have his dignity and have, you? He's not a fucking baby. He's not a child. If someone actually, look, if this happened exactly as this troll says on 4chan, and they actually made this guy stop dancing by laughing at him.

Yeah. First of all, he's an adult and he can handle it his fucking self. And second, you're trusting this person, this anonymous person, this commenter on 4chan who has said this mean thing about this person. So at best, this person is ambiguous, ethically ambiguous. And at worst, he's malevolent. So you're choosing to trust the words of a malevolent person who's making this claim about this picture, this non-contextualized picture. If you look at that picture again, it looks like he could just be looking down to reach for his cell phone.

In fact, given the stats that you just cited Dick, it's more likely that he was reaching for his cell phone than that he was dancing in this room full of people. I agree, I agree. However, the guy doesn't matter. The guy's irrelevant. As soon as it gets posted to the internet, the context becomes the story. Do you see what I'm saying? Like the guy, as soon as those kids said, we did this, we made this fat guy feel bad for dancing, it doesn't matter what actually happened. Now the context is the story.

It's an ideology. So the response is, to me, has nothing to do with the guy, and it's just a bunch of girls who want to make people feel good about dancing. They want to make themselves feel good. This is narcissism. Yeah.

They want attention. Look, Dick, they said in this, so they create, this flyer that they started tweeting around and all these all the, you know, the hive, the hive got a hold of it and they started retweeting it. Find the fat man?

Yeah, find the fat man is the, I believe the hashtag, it was a fine fatty. Hashtag find fatty. Was it? No. No, what is like, find the dancing man? Oh, please. Yeah, because that's the dimension.

That's the one veritacy that they're okay to glom onto. The cops show up. Hey, can you describe the guy? Oh, he was dancing. Yeah. You know, the dancing guy? Yeah.

Anything else? He had a striped shirt on. Anything physical? Anything going on there? He was wearing glasses. Glasses? White guy? Yeah. It's okay to say white. Yeah. He's white. Anything else? He was 600 pounds.

Oh, he was morbidly obese. Why didn't you start with that fuck face? No, fine dancing man. My friend actually once said to me legitimately, yeah, I don't think it's appropriate for there to be race in like APB when the police are looking for a suspect. Like, give me one legitimate reason why they would have. have race in that. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? It's like the most identifiable thing

about you if you're being sought after. It's the most identifiable dimension of your description, dickhead. Of course it's relevant. If someone's wearing glass, I'm going to be like, yeah, the guy over there with the glasses. I'm trying to be efficient with my language and just point out the person. If someone's over there, black, I'm going to, yeah, the black guy. If he's standing amongst a bunch of black people, then I'm going to use something else that's descriptive, isn't it? Aren't I? Yeah. So they were looking for this guy and they put this big flyer out says can't bring me down can't is missing an apostrophe then they said dancing man shot's face yeah it's a dancing man we don't know much about you uh correction

idiots you don't know anything anything about him yeah you don't know that he was dancing even you don't know that he was shamed even you don't know that he was sad even you don't know that he's uh not part of a witness protection program and he doesn't want to be found even you don't know that he's taking some time off from work and he doesn't want his boss to see this picture of him because he's not supposed to be there. You don't know anything about this guy. Yeah. Nothing. That's a stretch though, the witness protection one. Dick, you don't know anything. If you don't know anything about someone and you're just publicizing this picture to millions of people based on an assumption based on the context of a troll who said something mean about him.

Yeah. But are you really concerned about him getting out and doing something he's not? Like, I feel like a lot of your righteous indignation comes from that these girls are self-serving narcissists and they're parading around like they're doing a good thing. Like they're anti-bullies, but they're really just making themselves feel good. It's not really about the witness protection stuff. No, Dick, it's not about that. What this is about is that these girls, they don't even realize it. They're good will and their good cheer. They're well-intentioned.

By doing this, by spreading his image to millions of people, they have, in effect, bullied this man into coming. out into the public. They put so much pressure on him. Millions of people are looking for somebody. What are you going to do? Just sit in your closet and hope that nobody. There were people who... There were people...

Good one, Dick. There were people who were looking for this guy. And some dude, I think his name is Marcus or something, Tucker Marcus, something like that. This dude posted a picture of this guy. He said, I think I found him. He didn't know him. He just posted this picture that he found online of this dancing. Man. Yeah. So, of course, the dancing man has been outed, and now, whether he likes it or not,

he feels pressured to come out because millions of bullies are looking for him. They have bullied this man who may have not even been bullied to begin with. All right. Bullied into going to a rave held in his honor? What? Is that so bad? It's a literal pity party, Dick. Leave this man his dignity. Maybe he was shamed. Maybe he wasn't. What if it turns out he wasn't shamed at all? and now because he's fat, everyone feels pity for him. And these same fucking women wouldn't give him the time of day in real life. They would never come up to this guy. I had so many fat...

Oh, that's absolutely true. Yeah, absolutely fucking true. And that's why it's so condescending, Dick, because there's a line in here. It says, we are prepared to throw you quite the dance party just for you if you'd have us. To be clear, it's 1,727 of us, and we are all women. Now, the presumption here is that the dancing man cares that he... is going to get attention from women. They're assuming that he doesn't already.

Women are more fun. Dude, that's a real thing. I know there's research on that. Listen to the argument I just said. Yeah, okay. The presumption is that this man doesn't get attention from women already. Wait a minute. Why is that the presumption? They're just saying they're throwing a big party and it's going to be full of chicks. They're specifically saying, to be clear,

it's 1,727 of us, period. And we are all women, period. As if that's a selling point. You don't think that is? Dick, it's only a selling point to somebody who doesn't already... What if he's already getting the attention of 1,700 women? Hey, double down. That sounds like a good deal.

Dick, it's condescending. You're making an assumption about this guy that he doesn't get attention from women, and B, A, that he doesn't, and B, that he wants it or needs it. I think that's a safe assumption to make that throwing someone a party is nice, especially if it's full of women.

We don't think so? Look, whether or not it's true is irrelevant. I mean, odds are it's true. Odds are it's true. I agree. Yeah, I agree. And you know what, guys? This guy may actually want this attention. He may want it.

And he may be okay with this. But you don't know that. And he might not want to. But now we can never know for sure because he's been pressured and bullied into coming out into the public. And in fact, Dick, I have a quote from the dancing man. Once they found him, all these people, all the media outlets are trying to get attention. interview with him, right? Got to sell ads.

He tweeted to ABC, ABC's Gisela, one of the anchors on there. He says, I'm trying to keep a low profile, turned down a couple interviews yesterday as well, promise will provide interview when they're blank because it's fucking Twitter

and it got cut off. But he specifically said he's trying to keep a low profile. Why do you think that is, Dick? Because he probably doesn't like the spotlight. Doesn't like the spotlight. I mean, that's not weird. But now he has the pressure

of millions of people breathing down his, Nick, to behave in a certain way to fit in this narrative that he's been bullied, which we don't even fucking know. Whatever happened to fact-checking? Whatever happened to journalism? Well, this is just a bunch of chicks, though. They're not journalists.

No, but you know who is a journalist, Dick? ABC 7. Here's what they said. I heard the expression, dance like no one's watching. Well, that cyber bully nearly dashed one UK man's dancing dream. Yeah. So they say, without doing any fact-checking, without one iota of evidence.

And here's what they follow up with. Thanks to some viral vindication, that body-shaming victim is soon to be center stage at a star-stetted dance party here in L.A. with more ladies than he can count. Well, if he wasn't a victim, then he was when they put it all over the news. Like, even if the story was fake, he turns on the TV and goes, oh, everyone's making fun of me because I'm fat, or everyone thinks that. That sucks. And now, whether or not this narrative is true, it's become true. It's what people believe.

They believe he's a victim. And without, they have taken away his agency to choose whether or not he was a victim. They have already labeled him. They've branded this man a victim. They have made this man look weak. Don't you see how condescending that is? I guess. I guess I don't really read all this stuff into that.

It just seems like an ideological battle with a bunch of party girls and fame-horring celebrities throwing being opportunist, throwing a guy a big party because they want their agenda of party all the time to get through. I think they're well-

intentioned, as you say. Yes. I do believe that the road to, what is the saying, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. That's what they say. I do believe that. I don't think that, I don't, my idea of hell is not 1,700 dancing girls. Dick, stop thinking with your dick.

For one second. I'm not thinking about banging them. I like to party. Great, Dick. That's you. But just for a minute, put yourself in the shoes of this guy where everybody in the world is calling you a victim when you aren't one. Think about how that would make you feel if everybody thought you were a victim.

Wouldn't that make you feel weak? Wouldn't that make you feel insulted at the very least? I don't know. What about you, Sean? Would you feel insulted if everyone called you a victim and they started passing this picture around and millions of people saw it and they said, hey, uh, dancing, Sean, why don't you come out of the closet and dance with us? If it was like...

I'm completely on board with Maddox on this one. What? Yeah. And it does matter also that he's fat, I think, because fat people get constantly teased their whole lives for one thing, being fat. It's not like most people who are, you know, you go up in school, oh, you're a nerd, oh, you're ugly, oh, you're, you get teased for different things. Right. So fat people are probably really sensitive to it because it's like, I got bullied again for what?

For being fat. Right. Being fat, being fat, being fat. It's just this recurring thing. So they probably don't want to draw attention to it. Yeah, this is well-intentioned. What's that? This is the opposite.

That they're drawing attention to his fatness. Because he's fat. We're going to, yeah, we're going to throw you, like you said, a literal pity party. You know, I think, now I'm thinking, and if Sean agrees, I got to read. think my whole thing. Because this is, if I'm those bullies, right? If I bully this guy into not dancing, like if I made fun of him, whatever, bullying, and then posted it to the internet, this is the best case scenario. This is a successful bullying beyond my wildest dreams. Sure. You know, like, I don't feel anti, that, like a sort of anti-bullying was sunk in my heart by this.

I'm like, this is great. This is better. I've not only manipulated this one guy into not dancing, I've manipulated thousands of people into doing what I, something, doing what I want. Yeah, you gave this bully the most attention. You give him the biggest platform. Yeah. And by the way, here's something that many people who are skinny don't know, because I used to be fat. Right. And fat people don't like to be photographed.

I don't know if you know this, but most fat people, if they feel insecure about their bodies, which many do, they're not very proud of their bodies, and they don't want their bodies to be photographed. Whether you're comfortable in your skin or not, they don't want to be photographed. I didn't. I was confident as a fat person. I'm more confident today. However, I still, I look at my old photos and I didn't have as many photos as I have today because I, at some point, you don't want to be photographed. So now they're taking this picture of this guy and posting around everywhere and he felt pressured to post this picture of himself. He did seem uncomfortable when he responded on Twitter. Yeah, of course. Like he did seem like he didn't want to do it. And now millions of people are scrutinizing his body and saying it's okay and we're not body shaming. You are, you are body shaming. You're making this guy. feel self-conscious, just by putting his picture up in front of millions of people, don't use him as your poster boy unless he chooses to be, unless he wants to be. You guys played his hand for him.

You pressured him into doing this. And at the end of this flyer, it says, may we have this dance, you know, these women? Yeah. And they said, sincerely. They spelled sincerely wrong. Oh man, that's how you know they love to party. Yeah. All typos. You know, these women, a lot of them are very attractive. I've seen some of them. I gotten an argument with one on Twitter who didn't even understand the... I read part of that. Yeah, yeah. This chick, I forget her handle. She had the kind of like typing

persona that made you want to strangle her. Like with her like winky smiley, like her condescending winky smiley faces like a 13 year old girl, you know? Did you get that vibe from her? Well, I didn't want to strangle her, but yeah, she's... Oh, that's an urge. Like when you

read a text from a girl who's like who's trying to be, who's trying to rev you up, you know, who's just being a little bitch. She sent me a tweet, and she said, Hey, Maddox, that 30, oh, by the way, I haven't mentioned this yet, but they raised over 37,000,

as of this podcast recording, they've raised $39,000 to throw this guy a dance party. And she said, hey, Maddox, you should do more research because that's actually for charity. And so I did more research. Oh, charity. Yeah, I did more research.

And there's a, so what happened is, the first, initially, when they put out this campaign to raise funds for dancing man. And that's what it's called. Let's not have any pretensions here about it being anything other than a fund for this giant fucking dance party. Because that's what the fund was called. It says, dance party for dancing man.

That's what it's called. That's what people are donating for. $39,000. And she said, it's for charity. And then I looked and it said, there's a little asterisk. One sentence in the entire fund of like five pages, or five updates, they said, any proceeds not used for the dance party will be donated to charity. So whatever's left, guys.

Whatever's left after we fly this guy out and buy all the booze and, you know, pay for the lights and all this change? It's supposedly all donated, but you know it's not. I hope it's not. I hate that they do that. Like, why? Just take it. Just buy more stuff with it. Why does everything have to go to charity?

Well, it doesn't, dick. Like, seriously. Just keep it. Like, why do you have to say it? Why do you have to feel bad that your little campaign worked? Why is there a guilt associated with it? You know what? why? Get a Ferris wheel. Just

spend it, be like Brewster's millions. Buy, get Tommy LaSorda to show up. Bring him back to life. I know he's dead. Is he dead? No. No, he's alive. Yeah, pay his ass to show up. He's a fat guy. He'll dance. He picked a Ferris wheel. It's got to be expensive. I'm trying to spend money. I'll tell you why, Dick. Because the chorus of

criticism, right? It started to become louder and louder. Led with me, Of people criticizing these women, they're saying, hey, guys, enough's enough. You've raised $40,000 for a dance for a guy who you don't know. He might be a child molester. He might be a criminal. He might be something. You don't know anything about this man.

But it's the ideology. They don't want this. It does nothing to do with him. Well, it has nothing to do with him. But they've raised these funds for this stranger who they know nothing about. He may be a convicted felon. You know nothing about this guy. You've raised $40,000 to give this guy the day of his life supposedly.

which, by the way, immediately the day after he's going to go to his dead-end job and it's just fucking rotten a cubicle. But this guy, and again, I'm making an assumption there. We don't know anything about this guy. So this guy, they raised $40,000 and people are criticizing them. Guys, enough enough is enough. There are people who actually need this money who actually need these funds. There's a kid, there's a child, like the same day the story dropped. There's a child whose parents got killed by Boko Haram in Nigeria.

He's growing up. Boko Haram is a terrorist or. They kidnapped a bunch of girls a while back because they didn't want them. They wanted them to go to madrasas instead of getting a traditional education. So they killed this child's mother. They weren't using them to throw a dance party for a fact day? No, no, they weren't. They were terrorizing them and potentially sexually assaulting them.

I see. Okay. So there's a child in Nigeria who's growing up without a mother who could probably use, I don't know, maybe a quarter of the funds you've raised for a fucking dance party to make his, his life instrumentally better, significantly better. And instead, these women are focused on their narcissism. In fact, there's a quote from this goal. Yeah, but wait a minute. I got to stop you there. Because the whole, like, the money should go to the biggest suffering people

I don't agree with. It's people are giving this money because they support the cause, whatever it is. So they want to, you know, they like the spectacle that they're saying. They believe people should feel good about dancing no matter what. I agree with that. Like, it's a good ad for that. I don't know, but you're You're making more sense than I thought initially. Yeah. Do you think that also these people would think that you should grow up with both parents

and that one shouldn't get shot in the head? I don't think that's one of their virtues. I don't think you always have to think about the suffering of the world. You don't. I really don't. I agree. And I think that it's dangerous to go down this moral slippery slope where you say, well, you could do more.

Everyone could always do more. Look, I'm not raising $30, $40,000 for this child in Nigeria. Everyone could also do worse. I could be doing a lot worse. You ever thought about that? I can start doing it right now I don't know if you can dick You know you could do worse

You could do better Look if they raise say I don't know Four or five thousand dollars to help pay For the flight for this guy And then put him up in a hotel whatever Fine but then now they're saying that Any of the proceeds left over from this dance I don't think 40 grand is an outrageous dance party budget though

I think it is You do? Absolutely Oh yikes I don't know man And they have to buy two seats on the plane too That's a good point. Yeah. Good point, Sean.

This guy's fat. They get by two seats on the plane. Uh-oh, did we just fat shame? Oh, oh. Hey, are they going to throw Sean a party about deleting emails? Yeah. Or deleting podcasts? Sorry.

That's some trauma that you can't ever get over. So anyway, Dick, they're well-intentioned, but they may be doing more harm than good because they have bullied this man into coming out when he doesn't necessarily want to. Along this line, though, Rolling Stones did a story a while back. Rolling Stone. Oh, yeah, that's right. Rolling Stone magazine did a story a while. back about this girl who was, she came out and she made a claim against one of the fraternities at,

at the university, the University of Virginia. She said that she was gangraped. And she, yeah, it was a really big Rolling Stone story. It got spread everywhere. It put a spotlight on college campuses and sexual assault that happens on college campuses, which I think is a problem. And this girl gave this really horrific, very graphic account of being raped. and being gang raped.

And so Rolling Stone, they asked her if they could interview the people that she's accusing because they want to get to the bottom of this, right? And she asked Rolling Stone not to. She said, don't talk to them. Uh-huh. Because I'm afraid of repercussions. I'm afraid of them coming after me, et cetera, et cetera. As if telling your account of being graphically raped on a very specific night,

she gave the specific night and she gave the college fraternity. However, she asked Rolling Stone not to talk to them for fear of backlash. Guys, okay. No, but if you make this accusation about this specific account, people who did the crime are going to know you're talking about them. So whether or not Rolling Stone talks to them is irrelevant. So Rolling Stone... Yeah, but she didn't want to name the names.

She didn't want to... That's a big difference. But she did name the names. Oh, she told... Yeah, she did. She named the names. They used aliases in the article. Okay, but she didn't want them to talk to those guys,

but she was okay with giving the names. Correct. But she knew that they wouldn't use the names in the article. Yes. Okay, well, still, that's still not naming names. Well, I mean, if she said, here's the names, use them in the article, and then said don't talk about him. That's weird. But no, they made the choice.

Rolling Stone made the editorial decision not to publish the names of the accused, because it's an alleged crime, right? Yeah, sure. It's not a crime until it's convicted, right? Oh, whoa. I'm getting real philosophical. It's, well, that's why they say alleged crime. alleged crime, right? Right, until there's a conviction because you can make any

accusation about anybody. You can't just go around calling everyone a rapist and then just have it stick because you say don't talk to them. So anyway, they said, okay, you know what, we're going to respect your wish and we're not going to talk to these accused. So they published this article completely without fact-checking anything that she said. Oh, God. Well, you know what's coming shortly after Washington. Washington Post did some snooping and they found a lot of discrepancies in this girl's story. Yeah. Like, for example, you know, in order to be sensitive to this lady, they found that the little details like the fact that the alleged rapist was in another state the night of the alleged rape.

It's a pretty big plot hole. Pretty big plot hole. And he didn't belong to the fraternity that she claimed. Oh, that's a classic mistake. Didn't go to her university? Yeah. Hasn't been to her university in six years. And he was a woman.

No, but close. And nobody... It was a dog. Nope. Nobody with his name in the United States even exists. Well, all right. They couldn't even find... So they couldn't fact check.

Even her own friend who herself was a rape victim. One of her friends, they kind of bonded because they both had this shared experience. Yeah. Even she came out afterwards and she said, look, guys, I don't even know what to believe anymore. Because she changed the number of rapists from five to seven. And basically, the bottom line is this. We don't know what happened. Right.

So there's a lot of questions that raised. But because this journalist had good intentions, we had this giant atrocity. And what happened is Rolling Stone had to retract this story. And what this has caused is people to potentially doubt other people who come forward in the future. Because of her story. She has done more harm than good. And it's because of this journalist's good intentions. She didn't want to further cause any trauma for this rape victim, this alleged rape victim, right?

So she honored her request to not interview the accused. And the accused said basically everything that was contrary to her story. They didn't even have a party the week of the alleged incident. Right. So it looks like it's entirely fabricated. Much of it may have been fabricated. Yeah. We don't know.

He was well-intentioned and full of his righteous glory. And right? Just ran with the story. It was a she, yeah. She ran with the story. And by the way, I looked at this journalist. Otherwork? Of course it was a she. What am I saying? I looked at this journalist's other work and she's actually done some really good

journalism in the past. She's done some really good stories. She just hit a trigger with this one. Yeah, she really screwed up with this one. And then I'll just end on this one too. You know who Jessica Williams is, Dick? No. Or Sean. Jessica Williams is a correspondent on the Daily Show. And you know how John Stewart has recently come out to say that he's stepping down from the Daily

Show? Yeah. This is the final season. He's not going to be the host anymore. Yeah. So there's this chorus of people on the internet saying, hey, Comedy Central, why don't you replace John Stewart with a woman? A woman or a minority, or preferably both, right? He's Jewish, though, isn't that? Is that not a minority? Oh, not anymore, I guess.

Oh. Yeah. So a non-white minority. A non-white minority. Okay. A non-white male minority. They want more women. They want more minorities, right?

Because that's where true diversity comes from. Not the, you know, like Martin Luther King said, that we should judge person not based on the color of his skin, but the content of his character. Now we're going back to judging based on the color of their skin, aren't we dickheads? By putting a minority in there because their skin's not brown enough. They're not a minority, you fucking idiots.

You know what? I agree. It should be a minority, but not, I don't even think it should be an American minority. It should be like the most minorityest person on the planet. Like somebody from a tribe in like the South Pacific, like this guy, one of those guys that walks around with like the penis poles on Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never spoken a word of English. Never seen a human. He's throwing his spears at helicopters. Whoa. Oh, yeah. No, no, those guys. I know, I know, I know. So get one of those guys.

That's a minority. That's a minority. Get one of those guys. The most minority host. We don't even know what he's fucking saying every night. Brady's will be through the roof. They should just tweet everybody. Blow me.

You got your minority now. Here you go, idiots. You fucking morons. It's a very specific minority that they want, though. Yeah, it's a very specific. I just say it. It's not a minority because you have a minority. You have a minority.

Yeah, he's Jewish. Right. They want a non-male minority. Who is a majority? They want women. There's more women. There's more women than men. So what they want is a majority.

They want the most majority. But they want her to also look a little brown. That's what they want. Oh. You know what? Put her in the oven a little bit longer. Bake her a little bit longer. Let's bring her out a little bit, you know, golden, toasty brown.

That's the shade that we want. Because that's, that'll will change. her opinions in worldview, won't it? You incensitive prejudice cocksuckers. You motherfucking piece of the shit. You guys want a minority insofar as their skin colors different. Don't you fucking realize that's the exact

same mentality that the KKK has? Because based on the color of your skin, you're prejudicing against people, you fucking dipshits. Jesus. A minority reading words written by a bunch of white guys. Right? Or... What does it matter? Yeah, what does it fucking matter? The writers are a big

group of people. Anyway, you don't fucking know? No. Jesus. Anyway. Were they not satisfied? Do they just want another Oprah? I guess, man.

I mean, they had, she's a minority. Sure. They had her for a long time. Based on her skin color, technically, she's a minority. Yet Oprah has a very mainstream point of view, doesn't she? Because she resonates with millions and millions of people. With everyone's mom. Yeah, well, I guess.

So people were saying this girl, Jessica Williams, she's a black correspondent on the Daily Show. She's really funny. They want her to. Host the Daily Show? They want her to host the Daily Show. This is what the execs at Comedy Central are doing to that. You know what I'm saying? What's that?

Laughing? Yeah. Why? You're going to take, they're going to take an institution like the Daily Show hosted by white guys and they're going to, like, a massively successful and they're going to switch it that much. Like, be reasonable. Is there any chance of that happening? I know you're trying to help, but you're actually like hurting my argument. Just be reasonable.

Are they going to do that? Are they going to take that? If someone makes that decision, they're asking to get fired. Well, maybe. That is such a radical change. It's not. It's not. I disagree. Because it just, it really depends on the person and the point of view. There's nothing necessarily radical about this. If she's qualified for the job, then she should get the job.

That's it. And a story. However, yeah, okay. So here's what she said. She came out and she said, look, I'm not hosting guys. Thank you for asking, but I am extremely underqualified for the job. Smart. Yeah. Thank you for asking.

I added four asking, but she said, thank you, but I am extremely underqualified for the job. Yeah. Look, smart or not, we don't know. We don't know what she's thinking. We don't know her internal thoughts. We don't know her career path. We don't know the decisions, the factors that went into her decision making on that decision, right? We don't know that.

Sure. However, right or wrong, she has decided that she doesn't want the job because she feels underqualified. And there may be other factors, too. She may want to go into movies, which sounds like is what she wants. So that should be the end of the discussion, right? Uh-huh. Oh, nope, you would think, but there's this woman named Esther Bloom. Good.

Yeah. And she wrote an article accusing Jessica Williams of Imposter Syndrome. Do you know what this is, Dick? No. Imposter syndrome is supposedly a psychological disorder that causes people to feel undeserving of their success. They feel like they don't deserve it. They feel like they are accomplished, but they don't deserve their, uh, their, their, uh, their, their, their, they're, accolades, their achievements.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. That makes sense. And this is a lot of feminists, they say that women are predominantly affected by this, imposter syndrome. I mean, okay, then you start with the... All right. Yeah. And she said that, you know, this woman, Esther Bloom, she said,

she interpreted Williams's statement as a win for old white people. As if, like, you know, old white people are sitting there, like, rubbing their hands together and saying, yes, we got another one. Why does everyone's opinion have to be part of this idealized? War. Like, she owes you nothing. Yeah, she owes you and your crusade and her own race, absolutely nothing. Right. She's making all

of her decisions based on how much money she can get out of the rest of her life, because that's all that fucking matters. Wow. And in her career, in her career, whatever it is. She wants, whatever she is, she's making it, she's making it based on money and artistic desires.

Well, right? Or maybe she wants to start a family, Dick. Maybe she wants to, or maybe just wants to go into something else, or maybe she doesn't want the pressure of having to have a nightly show. Because John Stewart spent a lot of time away from his wife and his kids, and that's one of the reasons he's deciding to step down is so he can spend a little bit more time with his wife and kids. I fucking hate, you know, I wanted to talk, the anti-bullying charity got mentioned, and I wanted to touch on this because that's just bullying. It is bullying. Calling someone out for not, like, putting their dues in when it comes to, like, representing their sex or their race is bullying. it's adult bullying

Like you can't kick kids on the playground anymore All you can do is make them feel bad Anymore You know what I'm saying? No, no I'm saying like you're an adult You can't walk, you can't pull another adult's pants down It doesn't have the same effect But you can get on Twitter

And say that they're not doing enough for their race and gender Fuck you Fuck you, I agree That is exactly what the problem is And so Jessica Williams dick Actually came out and said something to that effect So this Bloom chick she said Well what we need to do is put together

a big group of support. We need to put together a big support group and have a lean-in intervention to help Jessica Williams realize that she's qualified for this job and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she called it out. Jessica Williams said, you know what?

No offense, but lean the fuck away from me for the next couple of days. Yeah. Whoa. She said, I need a minute. Lean the fuck away from me. That's a direct quote from Jessica Williams. She said, lean the fuck away from me

because they have created a no-win situation for Jessica Williams. Because on one hand, if she does try for the job, right, then instead of not appeasing old white people, now she's appeasing young white people, like Esther Bloom. And Wyatt Cienack, her colleague on The Daily Show, pointed that out. He said, oh, so you want her to appease young white people? Is that okay with you?

Because either way, it's a no-win situation. One way or the other, they have created a condition where, no matter what she does, she's appeasing somebody and pissing off somebody, and none of her decisions are her own free will. None of her decisions are her own free agency. You don't think that for a second that she knows more about what she's doing with her career than you do? It's condescending. Like there's some fucking broad on Twitter.

Right. Jessica Williams is an autonomous, adult, human being. She can make decisions for herself. And by making these decisions for her, much like the women have done from this G&I group for the dancing guy, they have condescended and removed dignity from these people. They can make decisions on their own. They don't need to be handheld. They're not fucking babies.

Yeah, this fat guy looked sad in that second picture, but he also looks like he's reaching for his cell phone. You don't know anything about these people. Yeah, and they don't owe you anything. They don't owe you anything. They don't owe the race anything. They don't owe women anything. She doesn't owe young aspiring women a goddamn thing.

That's right. That's right, Dick, fucking right on the nose. In fact, Jessica Williams tweeted, right after that, she said, You guys, I don't belong to you. She said that. Are you serious? Yeah, she said that. Wow.

I want to start stocking this girl. Oh, she's fantastic. She's actually really smart, articulate, she's funny. You know what? Maybe she could have had the job. Maybe not. We don't know. But she chose, she made a decision based on what's best for her.

For her career. And for us to question that decision is really fucking condescending. You call yourself a feminist. You think your four women's rights. How about when women who are strong and abled of the mind make a decision for themselves, you respect that fucking decision and shut the fuck up and move on with your life? Don't try to project your stupid lean-in groups on them and saying that they're hurt and their victims. By calling someone a victim, you're being an asshole and a bully.

Yep. I think this is my favorite problem on the show. Me too. Thank you, Sean. Let me sweeten the deal for you. If we're talking about well-intensions being a big problem, I got two words for you. Obamacare. All right, let's wrap it up on that.

All right, Dick. What's your problem to see? My problem was smartphone, fact-finding fuckheads. And my problem this week was well-intentioned idiots. Don't forget to vote on these problems, guys. Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Hey, Maddox.

Listen, love the show. Just got a big question for you. In episode 42, you said you drive like a samurai. I'm just kind of wondering what that means. Does that mean you drive like an obnoxious dickhead who imposes arbitrary rules on himself and picks fights with people who can't defend themselves? And then I hear episode 43, and yeah, pretty much that's it. So I guess I answered my own question.

Have a great day. Yeah. That is what Samarise did, isn't it? Arbitrary rules on themselves? You know what? There is a samurai code of honor, and I, they're not arbitrary rules. Yeah, sure, maybe the other drivers don't know about it, but there's a very strict set of rules. All right, Dickette.

That the DMV produces. No, you. I produce the rules. You produce. Other drivers don't know. Okay. I thought it was funny that you guys mentioned the room in this week's live episode, because stupid fucking hair makes him look like Tommy was own.

Yeah, Dick. Keep it up, though. Keep it up. Yeah, a number of people would comment. Wait, you gotta wait for the whole thing. Yeah, a number of people have commented that you look like Tommy was own that. Really? Yeah.

You fucking morons. You essentially pause your podcast to explain to people in foreign countries that UPS is the United Parcel Service. Then you spend the next 15 minutes instructing them to flip a, bitch when they're driving their car. Like anybody in another country has any fucking idea of flipping a bitch is. Oh. So, you're stupid.

Also, Dick, why don't you go fuck Maddox? Oh, hey, hey, hey, over the line, dickhead. Asshole. Listen, yeah, okay, sorry we didn't define every fucking term. So is he criticizing us for defining UPS and also not flipping a bitch,

or just not flipping a bitch? Is that what he's criticizing us for? I think he's flipping a bitch. I think he's flipping a bitch on that call. We didn't pause the podcast to identify UPS. No. It took a little longer than it should have. It did, yeah. But we didn't pause.

At most eight seconds. I don't think we even defined it correctly either. I was reading in the comments that we didn't. Yeah, flipping a bitch is a U-turn dickhead. Oh, did he say, oh, it was United Pets? No, stop. Stop. We're not doing it again.

It's a trap, Sean. That's what he wants. We're feeding into it. God damn it. Yeah. Flipping a bitch is a U-turn. I wish we could do a U-turn on that fucking phone call. Me too.

I got, uh, I think one more. This guy tried his best. I got two of them. I love these. Hey, guys. This is Joe from Chicago. Hey, Dick. Listening to the newest episode,

and you said that those sound clips that Maddox always plays of you saying you're a fucking idiot or whatever. Who cares? We're taking out of context. It was when you were making fun of someone on the news. They were actually from the... Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. It's falling apart. Actually, never mind. Oops. He lost a page. I think he found a page. You guys from Chicago.

Hey, Dick, and this week's episode, you said that those quotes that Maddox always played the view were taking out of context that ever from when you were making someone on the news, which was incorrect. Uh-oh. They were about the, um, Uh-oh So close You know, I don't care If this podcast gets big enough

I smell a support group for that guy Yeah Oh yeah They'll throw a dance party for this dude Yeah Stats man Yeah Find Stats man

Oh God I had a really funny comment for you Sean That I didn't get to read Scott McGregor So Sean remember that blonde girl Yeah Do you have her picture For this episode by the way I do not.

Okay, he said, Scott McGregor goes, So Sean didn't have the blonde girl pick on his phone. Guess he deleted it. That's funny. Christian Luciello, Sean the audio engineer by day, lady deleter by night. I didn't delete it. You didn't delete it?

How is it not on your phone then? All right, it's on my phone. Oh. Wow, that was a weird harmony. No, I have it in my email. Can we see it? Come on. on on. Oh, God damn it.

All right. All right, I got one more. Hey, guys, this is Matthew McConaughey. Tone in to ask you what all the hullabaloo's about. Guys always complaining about problems. That bad ex-fellis seems like he's going to have an aneurysm every week. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes you've got problems in life.

Sometimes you don't. Especially when you're Matthew McCona. Hey, all right, all right, all right. Great. Keep it up, Dickie. All right. Yeah. All right. Thanks, Matthew McConaughey.

Cool. A lot of celebs.