The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 46

Episode Date: May 18, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. I'm Maddox. What's me is Dick Masterson. What's up, buddy? And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. Welcome back, episode 46. Whoa, here we go. Yeah. If we were a woman, we'd have a higher probability of getting eaten by a shark than getting married. This podcast. Is that? I don't know if that's true. I don't know. May, well, you got no stats for us. Not a single stats this time. Dick, we, we are really happy about, uh, we are really happy about, uh, the way the bonus episode turned out this week. Yes. It was a really fun episode. So I just want to tease this a little bit because way back when I brought in hippies as a problem.

You remember that? Yep. Hippies. And for that episode, I talked specifically about one of my neighbors who's an obnoxious, belligerent, disgusting hippie. She's a disgusting human being. She sprayed water inside my car. You remember that, right? She's a violent lunatic.

Violent lunatic. Well, for this week's bonus episode, I brought in a recording of her. like accosting me in the streets, in the public. It's a really fun episode, guys. Here's just a little preview. I just want to play this. No way. I thought you lived over there.

What are you going over here? Stop following me. Oh, you want some more, you motherfucker. What are you going to do about that lady? You've got to provoke her into assaulting you so you can get her arrested. No, no, no, Dick, because she already has and she hasn't been arrested. Anyway, yeah, that's a little preview of this. the bonus episode, which, by the way, thank you for supporting the show. We're able to fund a lot of

things like the transcribers. I got to give a shout out to Megan Panic. She's been doing transcriptions for these episodes for a long time, along with Lori. And Megan recently helped create the glossary for the show. So check it out. It's on the main page. If you go to the main page of The Biggest Problem in the Universe.com, click on glossary, and you can see a lot of common terms and references that we mentioned. So it's not just a big circle jerk this show of a bunch of inside jokes and references, which I hate when podcasts do that. No, in fact, I saw someone commenting that when Maddox makes a bags of sand comment, it should be on there.

And it should be on the bingo board as well. Who said that? That's just projection, though. That's not a real thing that happens. You think it's a bags of sand comment. Mark Roach, he's the one that said that. I don't know. You do make bags of sand comments.

Says you? No. I don't know that one. See? That's when we talk about anything that has to do with. sex and Maddox says like, he's had sex in the ocean and you're like, how the hell did you have sex in the ocean? And he's like, well, just like wiggling around. And you're like, how the fuck does that work? No, no, no, Sean, it's a reference to the movie, the 40-year-old virgin, right?

Yeah. In the 40-year-old virgin, they go around a table while they're playing poker and they're all talking about sex and it comes to, what's his name? Steve Carell. Steve Carell, yeah, and he's trying to describe what sex is like. He's trying to describe what breasts feel like. Right, what breast feel like. And he's like, oh, you know, just like bags of sand. and that was the giveaway that he'd never felt breast before it because he was a virgin. And so Dick is implying...

You're not a virgin. I'm not implying you're a virgin. Yeah. You're just saying I sound like one. You come across as weird sometimes when you're talking about sex. Like even with the penis injuries problem in the last episode, I still don't know what specific penis injury you're talking about. Dick, are you kidding me? I specifically explained, I elaborated what I was talking about with the penis injury. Like a lever.

All right. I don't know. Everybody else. I don't want to go over again. Yeah, you don't want to have it pointed down toward your feet. Sean knows. But I was with Dick's injury. Yeah, right away. That's what I thought of at first. Yeah, you probably have Dick's injury.

I got a, okay, Dick, let's just get this out of the way at the top. The problems last week. You know what? Everybody liked the problems. They all in positive territory, and they're all neck and neck. I think that was the first time it's ever happened. Mars 1 barely edged out Utah. And then penis injuries barely edged out loud talkers.

Oh, really? Yeah, just by a little bit. So that doesn't count as whatever you consider a victory, so no need to play any song. What do you mean, a sweep? It's not a sweep. Somebody left a voicemail about that. As I look through all the biggest problems in the universe, and I keep my eye on all the problems that Dick brings in, I start to notice something that Dick's kind of missing the fucking point of the thing.

the podcast. It's not the biggest problems to dick. Yep. It's the biggest problems in the fucking universe. Yeah, but we voted. Also, for the guy who called in from Florida, get raped. Okay. I love how that's kind of like taken on

in an official slogan for the show, be some of that YouTube comment. The Mr. Berger's guy? Yeah, the Mr. Burgers get raped comment. Here's another one. Hey, Maddox. This is Chris from Bum Fuck Nowhere, Pennsylvania. I want to let you guys know I was pumped when I said,

saw that Maddox's problems in episode 44 got the most up-posed. Yeah. Because that means I didn't have to listen the 30-second plus of bullshit from that cockpongler dick. Every time he wins, quotation marks. Hey, Dick, Maddox has told you at least

10 times it's not a fucking competition. He's so high on estrogen, you can't get that through your skull. All right, nobody wins. It's not a fucking game. Nobody with a penis longer than three centimeters wants to listen to Titanic. You know who does lose?

We do when you play that shit. Fuck you, dick. Oh, man, I want to say that as my ringtone. No, you know what? I want to set that as my text on. Oh, fuck you, Dick. This is bullshit. Do you learn anything for that last phone call?

I need to hear it again. Yeah. I'm not too dense. Fucking asshole. He said you have no dick. You know what that means? If you don't have a dick longer in three centimeters, that's a clit. That is a clip by definition, dude.

You got a clit. You got a giant pussy. A penis, the size of, a penis three centimeters long is not the definition of a clitoris. Look it up. Let's start. there. You know what? Put it in the glossary. A penis is anything smaller than 3 seconds. That is a bags of sand comment. That is a bags of sand comment. The definition of a clitoris is a small

penis. Not true. That's it. That's basically the same thing. I can get it. You pee out of one, he pee out of the other. It's the same fucking... This fucking song! I'm sweating. I'm so mad. You know what, Dick? You don't even have the vocabulary of a sex expert. That's what I am. That's why you don't understand. That's why it's so foreign to you, because it sounds like bags of sand. That's because I'm an expert. I just want to know how you hurt your penis, that's all. Like a fucking lever.

Everybody knows. I don't have to. I just don't get it. I know, Dick, you don't get a lot. All right. Fucking ape. Wait, I got some more comments. Brian Beckwith.

He says he has a friend who moved to Utah a couple of years ago and got a job as a sex ed teacher at a public high school. She told me they required that she promote abstinence until he, marriage and wasn't allowed to go over any forms of birth control. Wow. Wait. This was in Utah? Again, this is a public school, he says. Yeah, I went to a public school in Utah, though, and I went to a very conservative area of it, and I do believe they did teach us protection. Yeah, no, no, no, we definitely did. I remember we had to make a poster about using, conam use in junior high school. Oh. Yeah. And

one of my, I remember one of the jocks made his, his slogan was cover the lump before you hump which I thought was pretty pretty clever but it's pretty common I think he may have ripped it off but yeah I've seen it since I googled it the other day and there was like millions of results what was your slogan

something like it doesn't matter what I say because you're going to make it sound like a bags of sand reference I don't remember it was something like trust me it sounded like it came from somebody who was very experienced before you pee put a condom on your wee Yeah, great. I think mine was just something that is very practical.

Like, unwrap it in the right direction so that it works properly. It's like a PSA. Yeah. I care. That's what a sex expert does. A sex expert. Hey, old Kirby Frog here, where Dick should have sex with his man and finally get it over with and come out of the closet that he's a flaming holo. There's nothing going without a... Oh, goodness.

That's a good curmit. I tell you to be a guy according to German Tiefort here. Come by. Cool. Yeah. Dick, I got a comment from Jamie Marquez. Sure. And I don't know if it's a guy, girl.

He said, I think both of Dick's problems this week are a subset of Maddox's problems of Utah. Penis injuries can be attributed to inexperienced anal sex practices. And the type of people who would fall for the Mars One scam are perfect candidates for the LDS. Go vote up Utah is the biggest problem. Yeah. Can agree more, Jamie. Hey, you know, speaking of our solutions episode, didn't you bring in rude people as a solution? Yeah.

And I specifically enumerated the types of rude people that are the solution, yes. Okay, because somebody said that talking too loud is a rude thing. Yeah, you would think. Look, man, it's not a... Look, I gave specific examples of rudeness. Not all rude behavior is good. All right. Some is good.

Katie Diane says Hey Dick I took the liberty of adding a man bun to Maddox You were shitting on man buns because you're jealous Last episode I wasn't jealous So she put a man bun on you Right let's see this What do you think? I think it looks pretty good

Yeah And I'm looking at myself Looks cool right I immediately pictured one of those samurai Or like sumo buns on my head It actually does look pretty cool Yeah you look like saber tooth Yeah but that's because I look like a samurai

wearing that thing That's why I don't look like a hipster douchebag Warren Tom's Which of the two of us in this room, Dick You're the only one who's ever worn Tombs Yeah Sorry Sean, you're in this room too

I'm never worn Tom's I would never have those I was implying that you were a third I said two of the two of us in this room Well my comment is a lead into my problem Oh well no Don't get excited You've still got some watching of Titanic to do

I'm not gonna watch Titanic Dick If you remember We last left off where the Titanic crew had discovered something potentially very exciting under the sea. That's where we pick up. Was an end to this bit, I hope? No. They find that?

No, they didn't find that. Man, it'd be so great if I was... There's only one end to this bit. I wish I was under that when they discovered me in the sea, and I was just sitting there flipping them off. You went up with this hatch, and I was sitting there angry with my dick out. Fucking hard on. Ah, fuck you.

Are you watching this? Look. I'm not going to look. Their submarine is finding something, dude. Nope. You're not interested at all. Not at all. to see what they might find in the Titanic.

I know what they're going to find, a bunch of horseshit. What if it's not horseshit? This is a hugely successful movie. It was probably something at least a little bit interesting. You're not even curious? No. I know what, I know, it's some jewel or something, right? Listen to the music.

Great. Flip it off, flip it up. Oh, wow. Manix, look. The door is flipping. The door is flipping. Dick, what is the urgency in the scene? It's a fucking ship that's been there for a century.

What's the urgency here? A bunch of bullshit You get a bunch of hyped dipshit You're gonna have to wait till next time To see what they found Yeah In the Titanic Yeah I bet your big pussy's wet right now

Hey by the way You didn't think You're not being appreciative enough Of the Oculus Rift Type device present That I got you during the bonus episode Okay Dick you are such an asshole Like you are

The gravity of your assholness Is starting to pull in And you're gonna collapse in on yourself Okay What the hell does that? What that mean? Dick, Dick tricked me into thinking,

you know what, I'm not going to give it away. He gave me some bullshit, some horseshit gift in the bonus episode. I'm fucking pissed, Dick. You're pissed off at it? I'm pissed off.

I'm pissed off at everything. All right. Yeah. Anyway, Dick, should we get to the problems? Yeah, go ahead. Do you want to go first? Yeah, Dick, I wrote a status update.

My, my problem this week, but the biggest problem in the universe is Vine stars. Oh. You know what Vine is? Yeah, it's like Instagram for videos.

Basically. Yeah, it's that service that, it's basically five-second films before, after five-second films. It's basically Y-TM-N-D after Y-TM-N-D. Okay. So they take a, you know, Vine is a service that allows you to create videos that loop over and over and over again for six seconds. And people make a lot of stupid little jokes, and they post them on there. And they get these millions of followers and they become Vine stars. Basically, all the, all the jokes, all the clips on Vine, here's what they sound like.

Here's an example, a typical vine. Listen to this. What do you learn in school today, honey? That school is Satan's butthorn. I fucking hate my life. That's great. You want to match for death. Yeah.

Great. Cool. Real funny vine. What's wrong with that? What, you don't think it's funny? It's not funny. It's not funny. No.

Oh, but here's an example of something that's funny. The iPhone is a piece of shit and so is your face. That's hilarious, right? Well, based on the 7 plus million views and the 17,000 digs that it got when Dig was still a thing. Yeah. Yeah, Dick. I would say that the consensus agrees on that, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was funny. Yeah. No, it is funny, Dick. You know, not my own, my own words. But look, man, that's irrelevant. We're talking about Vine here.

Yeah. Okay, this is a six-second clip. You thought that was funny. You laughed. Well, yeah, because it's like shocking, shock value potty humor. I mean, he's just saying a bunch of bad words, Satan's butthole about school. Okay, that's.

funny. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, it was funny in the night. I'm not going to buy tickets to see the sequel. Yeah, but that's all it is. That's all the, that's all the clips are on Vine. You made me so mad already, Dick. Why? You're depending on this horseshit, are you serious? Are you serious right now? Are you, do you re-like Vine?

I don't use it. I've used it one time. I've used Vine once. I posted a video of me at St. Patrick's Day, and I posted it crooked. I like did it the wrong rotation. Yeah. And And the girl, this girl, I was dating this girl, the reason I joined. She said she was on Vine.

I was like, all right, I'll get on Vine and see what you're doing on there. And I posted it, and I was like, that's it. I'm out. I could do this on Instagram. I don't care. You know, the difference between Vine and my website, that specifically that website you cited, the iPhone is a piece of shit and so does your face, is that I made a cogent argument in that article. And it wasn't just there to be a, ha, ha, here's my six seconds.

thing about Satan's butthole and school. School sucks. It's so passe. It's so old. What is this? Like the 90s with Bart Simpson? Are you fucking kidding me with that shit? It's just a stupid joke.

It is a stupid joke. It's a stupid six second joke. What do you want? Well, I'm drawing a contrast between vine content and real content that takes work, research. Oh, it's not real content. No, it's not. Okay. It absolutely fucking little isn't.

I wrote a status update on Facebook and Twitter. I said, Vine is for when you want to know what girls and guys, quote, be like, end quote. Yeah. Because that's every fucking vine is, girls be like, rah, rah, rah, wah, and guys be like, grr. Every fucking vine is like that. They're unoriginal. They're unfunny. Yeah.

All of them? There's nobody doing what you're doing on there? No, not all of them. Okay. I like, you know, there's, I've seen a few vines on there that are pretty funny. What's his name? Will Sassau? Will Sassau has some funny vines. He doesn't vine anymore. I hate that I use vine as a verb. But he doesn't make vines anymore. There's a guy named King Bach. He's pretty funny, I guess, but it's pretty safe humor. He's like white people be like this and black people be like that. That's pretty funny usually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was funny in the 70s when Richard Pryor did it. Anyway, it's all derivative. It's all derivative crap. on Vine.

And anyway, when I wrote that status update, this guy got really offended. His name is Furman Martinez on Facebook. And he said, dude, how old are you? All your work for the last few years has been crazy out of touch. You went from the best page in the universe to old guy who doesn't get the internet. Basically, you've become Rush Limbaugh. You do sound like an old guy saying that these kids aren't funny with their six-second things. And by the way, saying that in a status update,

like what's the difference between the status update and an article is the same as a vine and like a full video? Well, sure, but a status update is just a passing commentary. The vine is supposed to be, they're making these vines to be funny or provocative. And most of them are really obnoxious. There's this guy, this French dude, I forget, he's a really popular viner. I met him, I met him, and he's a nice guy. But his vines are so obnoxious.

He just walks up to people and yells at them, yells in their ear and startles them and he thinks that's funny. I mean, kind of, I guess, the first time I saw it. But after a certain point, you're just becoming an obnoxious asshole who's yelling outbursts in public for attention. And that attention comes to you in little six-second increments. Yeah. That's all it is. Yeah.

So this guy, Furman Martinez, criticized me for being old. And then a few people commented on this thread, and they started making fun of his name, and they said, Furman sounds like vermin. You know? What's the difference? Real immature joke. Hold on. Hold on.

Follow me here. It's a real immature joke, right? And then he started whining. He started crying. You're like, oh, people made fun of me for my name in grade school. So then I commented and I said, hey guys, who am I? Maddox, you're so old. Vine is cool.

Get with the times. Hey, guys, don't make fun of my name. That's too immature. What are you grade schoolers? bunch of fucking cry babies. They don't like it when the mirror turns around on them, do they? They don't like it when that extrospection turns and becomes introspection, don't they? I don't know.

Yeah. Anyway, man, Vine stars are the worst people. They are worse than YouTube stars. They're worse than Internet stars. They're worse than celebrities. They're the worst. Vine stars are the worst because they're the most entitled of all celebrities, Dick. And they're not even celebrities.

Like, let's start there. Well, I don't know any. A Vine Star? Who's a Vine Star? Like these people I've been mentioning, King Bach. That clip I played, the Satan's Butthole one is from this girl named Jesse Smiles. How is she like a star? Like, what is a star on Vine?

These Vine Stars are people, they have millions of followers. Okay. They have millions of views, and they have millions of fans. So like Twitter, but with video. Essentially, yeah. All right. So they're not even celebrities. And this is coming from a guy who started a website in his parents,

basement. So let's not say that I have any delusions here. However, I am a New York Times bestselling author, right? Something that's an actual accomplishment that people spend years trying to achieve. I have that. So if anyone here is allowed to

glom on to that title, I'm a little bit closer to that than they are. These fucking VineStars who are unaccomplished nobodies with nothing under their belt, whose entire careers can be summarized in 15 minutes of video content. Although six seconds clips, they don't even make a

fucking one-fifteen-minute YouTube episode. Yeah. Anyway, man, they didn't come up through the normal channels of fame where people had to work hard. Sitting in their parents' basement, writing? Dick, I've written... Yelling for soup? Yeah, how's that working

hard? I don't eat shit from YouTube. I worked for 17 years on my website. For 17 years, I've worked... No, it's almost 18 years. It'll be 18 years this August. Have you ever calculated the year per word ratio on your side? Dick, again, I don't need shit. I have written over 300 pages of text on my website over the years.

Yeah, 300 pages over the years. And that's not even counting. Two pages a year? You know what, asshole? Well, I mean, what, what, what, what? What's the deal with these people? Why do you hate them? Because they came up differently than you?

All of technologies change now. No, because they're so entitled, Dick. They didn't put in their dues. They didn't get turned down time and time again by some shithead producer who thinks they know better than you. They haven't been sculpted by criticism because Vine is a platform that, by its nature, doesn't encourage criticism. The content itself is so short that it's barely worth criticizing. Like, I'm struggling to criticize what exactly I hate about that Jesse Smiles clip that I played earlier because it's so fucking short. She's not saying anything.

She's making a flip comment about. school that's unoriginal, uninspired, it's not new, it's not clever, it's not even funny. The words that she used aren't even a clever alliteration or something that we've even heard before. Satan's butthole, is that worse than any other body part of Satan? I didn't expect it. Supposedly, does Satan excrete something that's particularly foul, that's especially foul? Do... I would assume so. Oh, you think so? Oh, you think so. Yeah, okay. Satan. Well, there you go, Dick. I guess she found her demo. It feeds on misery. Yeah.

sorrow. How does that come out? He doesn't... I mean, I don't know, man. We're talking about metaphorical things. You can't consume metaphorical. Whatever, man. It's a stupid fucking comment that you mean. Well, wait a minute. You're calling into question the length of these videos like that's bad. But brevity is the soul of wit.

Do you not think there's something to that? I mean, I enjoyed five-second films. Yeah, five-second films is great. But the difference between five-second films and Vine is that with five-second films, they actually write their content, they script it, they produce it, they edit it, and they make sure that every second counts. Whereas VineStars, half the fucking time, it just ends mid-sentence

because, oh, I guess that's the limitation of the app. That's the end of it. We're ending here. You know, one of the most popular Vine Stars is a guy who's a magician. He does some, you know, some camera trickery, and he does do some editing on his videos. He is one of the most, famous Vine Stars, and he puts in the minimal effort of just editing a few of his clips. The Vine... You know what really upsets me, Dick, about Vine Stars and Vine is a platform? Is that it doesn't respect the audience. It doesn't...

It's built into the platform to disrespect your audience's time, because everybody thinks, oh, who doesn't have six seconds to spare? I'll watch this Vine. I'll watch the next Vine. I'll watch the next one. Next thing you know, you've spent a minute. Next thing you know, you've spent five. And what do you come away with once you've seen this shitty content that hasn't been edited,

that hasn't been produced? It's not like this podcast. A couple laughs? You hope. You would hope. Or then I'll stop watching if I'm not laughing at it. Yeah, but that's how they trick you dick. You think you're going to get that the next one.

The next one's going to come. That dopamine hits coming. You know, there's going to be a funny one. It's got to be a funny one, right? But then after about 10 minutes, you realize, what the fuck am I doing? with my life. I don't know. I'm not on Vine, but I assume there's some

kind of liking thing. Like there's popular people. You can go look for popular people who turn out funny content usually. Doesn't it work like everything else on the internet? Where it's self-cureated, where it's curated by the community? No, Dick, because Vine stars

feed on a particularly young demographic and young people are stupid. Here's the case in point. Okay. Here's a case of point. Go ahead. This guy named National. He's a very popular Vine Star. So going by your argument, we should just look at the popular people, see what they're doing.

Maybe they're doing some of the best of the best, right? And he's considered one of the biggest Vine stars. I'm not saying that's not my argument, but okay, that sounds, that's not crazy. Well, you said it's curated. I mean, look, if you're going off of curated content, and his stuff does get promoted to the front of Vine often, right? Okay. Here's an example of one of the hilarious jokes that Nash Greer said. Nash Greer, the racist asshole.

Here we go. How Asians named their children. Old joke. Yeah, it's an old joke. How Asians named their children. And he threw a spoon in the air, a bunch of spoons, and it went ching chong. Real funny. And it's not even original.

He's ripping off Jerry Lewis. That was an old Jerry Lewis stand-up set. This is from the Mike O'Meara Show podcast. I heard this that he went to a Jerry Lewis show. This is from a Jerry Lewis routine a long time ago. Listen to this. Chinese have a special way of an Indian children.

They take a huge silver flower. They put it on the ground. They grab an handful of silverware. They throw a silverware up in the end. That's a hit in a platter. Planet King, Donald, Titan. See? That joke gets better when it's shorter.

That was way too long. Yeah, it would be awesome if that joke was zero seconds long. Yeah. It would love that joke. That's a shitty joke. It's unoriginal. It's unfunny.

and it's just completely plagiarized from Jerry Lewis. This guy Nash Greer. And these kids who were following Nash Greer, first of all, half of them probably thought it was funny because they're just, they have that hive mind, that racist bully hive mind. And then the other half don't even realize it's been ripped off.

Yeah. It's not only offensively bad, but it's shitty. A shitty joke? Yeah, it's shitty, and it's plagiarized. It's stolen. I think I probably heard that. joke when I was 13 for the first time. Yeah.

I laughed. Okay. Like, you know, I'm a huge racist. Like a dumb, like a dumb 13-year-old. No, I don't think you're racist. I think that the kids at that age aren't reflective enough to even realize what it means to laugh at jokes like that or what it means to make jokes like that. They're not reflective.

They're not really thinking ahead. That's why a dumb 13-year-old, you thought that joke was hilarious, whereas you and I and Sean in this room aren't laughing because it's not funny. Well, I already heard it also. Oh, okay. I can't say it. I can't say I wouldn't think it was funny if I hadn't heard it. I don't know.

Hey, Dick, you want to hear more hilarious vine jokes? Sure. This is a gay joke that Nash Greer made. Here we go. Testing for HIV. It's not a gay thing. Yes, it is. Fags!

Get it? Oh, wow. Did you get the punchline? The punchline was fag. Oh, that's what he shouted? Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. That was the pun. That's some of the hilarious content on Vine. Yeah, that's rough, man. Yeah. Real funny stuff, these guys. Some of these vine... But, you know, Artie Lang talks like that, too, when I laugh at him.

Yeah, but, you know, if you're using it in a specific context, it's funny, but he's using it in a hateful context. He's just calling gay people fags. That's specifically in a context of a PSA that's saying not just gay people get HIV, which is true and an important thing to get out there. Right? And this dickhead, yeah, what do you want to say, John? No, Magic Johnson changed the perception on that. Yeah.

Just happened to a straight guy, you know? It was like everybody's eyes opened up, at least in the U.S. Yeah, Magic Johnson wasn't on Vine. Think about that. Is that guy's entire Vine racist stuff? No, he has a PR firm behind him. So as soon as that came out, they deleted the Vine. There was huge controversy.

All these YouTubers and huge people on Twitter, kind of spoke out against it. I believe one of them is Tyler Oakley. I think he's a big gay YouTube star. And he spoke out against it. And so Nash Greer's handlers deleted that tweet, deleted the Vine, made it try to disappear. But it's not going away, buddy.

It's not disappearing. How old is he? I believe he was like 17 years old when he made this. And if you watch his current stuff, if you watch his YouTube videos, it's just him sitting there brooding in his hoodie with his bros, thinking they're such hot shit. and they have no reason to believe otherwise because they've never had to endure any kind of criticism

other than a few you know they fuck up and they can instantly delete it and backtrack and have their PR firm and their handlers just try to save their image to spare their image and then they go to you know they have a conference that they go to meet some gay leaders or something and all is forgiven right yeah because yeah so you're defending this platform dick

why do you think i don't see any difference between this and anything else Like pop music's exactly the same. It's a bunch of kids who are sheltered from anything and everything who squeaked through the ranks and suddenly they're superstars and they're 17. They don't know how to behave in the real world. This seems exactly the same. I don't think what they're creating isn't comedy. I don't think it's funny. I don't watch Vine.

But I go on like Imger or Imager, however you say it. Imiger. The GIF, the GIF, however you say that one. I go to the GIF part and like laugh at those and send those to my friends. I don't really see the difference. I get that you resent that you feel you had to work harder for something than they didn't have to. But it does seem old. Like it does seem like you're out in your virtual yard with a rake shaking it at these vine kids telling them to get off your internet.

And I would also argue that you've achieved more success than they will because you parlayed your website into a book deal. Right. Yeah. Two TV shows that didn't get picked up. How about that? Well, whatever. What I'm saying is, I think you made it a lot further than these people will. It's maybe a small percentage of them can actually produce content over minutes.

You know, I mean, it's... Whoa. Me whole minutes. No, no, instead of six seconds. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, some of them have tried. Some of them have tried to do that. But, Dick, your argument, like liking it to pop music as a defense is kind of like saying,

well, smothering on plastic bags is so bad because people smother on a car. carbon monoxide all the time. Wait, what? You're comparing two bad things. You're saying Vine. And by the way, I'm not criticizing Vine as a platform. That could be a problem.

Yeah, but you said it's inherently disrespectful to the audience, which I also don't understand. It is. How? The number one thing that I, well, one of the first things I consider when I'm writing or creating content is

the audience that I'm creating it for. I'm going to create content that I think that, first of all, I'm making it for myself. But I know the audience. I keep in mind the audience that that I'm working with, right? Every single one of these podcasts is edited. It's edited for clarity.

It's edited for... I take out verbal tics. In fact, I stutter during that sentence. I'll probably cut that out, too. I cut out a lot, too. Yeah. You don't cut out nearly as much, though. I never edit for content.

Yeah. No, but I clean up the clip, so it sounds nice. So it sounds like it's something, and it's respectful to the audience. We respect their time. There's podcasts I stopped subscribing to because they don't.

They don't give a shit. They have false starts. They leave it in there. When they look up information, they leave that dead air in there. I say, you know what? Fuck you. If you're not going to respect my time, I'm not going to listen to you. I'm not going to give you my time.

You know, edit. You don't think these six second clips are, like, thought out? No. I've seen a couple of vines, maybe. And some of, they were by, like, kids who are comedians or trying to be comedians. They looked thought out. I wouldn't say they were well executed, but some thought. went into it. Look, man, I'm not going to generalize all the vines. Like I said, there's some

vine stars that I think do some, do some clever stuff. I like that King Buck guy. He does some funny stuff. I've seen some funny stuff on Vine. And I've watched Vine compilations on YouTube, and I've thought about 75% of it was pretty funny. But that's out of millions of vines. You know, you might find 15 minutes worth of content. I don't think that what's, how is that different than anything else. The writing on the internet, all garbage. Well, because Vine makes it so much more difficult to edit your content, it's not a platform that's really conducive to editing. When you're writing, it's easy to edit your writing. You can go back, you can delete words, you can add words, you can rephrase things, but with Vine,

say for example, your whole gimmick in your Vine video is going to be that somebody passes you a basketball and you're standing next to a pool and you go to catch the ball, but you fall in the pool. That's pretty funny. Oh my God. Why? Why? What? You don't think that's funny at all? A guy getting thrown a basketball? He falls into a pool? Yeah. No, it's so tired. It's like I've seen it a billion

times. That's why I just came up with it off the top of my head because it's a simple example that I've seen a billion times. How many times do you have to... It's just uninspired. It's uninspired. Oh, boy. Okay, your majesty. Bring in a gesture. with a mortar board on so he can entertain you properly. Well, let me get to the point.

When I said that Vine is a platform that isn't really conducive to editing, say that during the beginning of that clip, you said, okay, go. And you recorded that person saying, okay, go. And there's that few seconds of dead air when they're setting up the stupid little gimmick, right? Yeah. Because Vine is so completely, what's the word, Yeah. Nobody cares to edit that out. Nobody cares to go back, clean it up, give it another try, give it another take. You do it in one shot. You put it up there. And hey, it's disposable, man. It's only six seconds. Who doesn't have six seconds to spare? But isn't that Twitter? Like, you're on Twitter doing the same thing. I don't like Twitter either. But you do it. I hate Twitter. I use Twitter. I use Twitter because it's ubiquitous. Look, man, the reason I use Twitter, I hate Facebook, and I'm still on Facebook. I hate Twitter. I hate Twitter.

Twitter and I'm still on Twitter. Right. I hate these things. Doesn't mean they're not a problem. They're definitely a problem, but I have no choice to use them because they're so ubiquitous. You can't live, you can't be on the internet today without Facebook and Twitter. You have to have those services. Sean is.

Not on either of those. Barely. No, I'm on Facebook. I never use it, but I'm also not an internet personality. Yeah. Yeah. As an internet personality is somebody who writes and, you know, creates content online. Look, man, the problem is the Vine Star is.

Not so much Vine. Like I said, there's some funny stuff on Vine, but the Vine stars themselves are entitled assholes. I've met a lot of them. Why do you say that? Because I don't get that at all from these clips. I gave you, I gave you examples. Okay, could the kid's racist. Is that one of the examples? Sure. Yeah. It's making racist jokes. Right. Right. But they also, a lot of them are accused of of rape. Yeah, countless minds. Yeah. So many Vine Stars are accused of rape because these guys think they're invincible. And there's one guy in particular. This guy's name's Curtis Lapoor. He's a Vine Star accused of raping another Vine Star. Jesse Smiles, that clip that I played earlier.

Uh-huh. So he took a plea deal, and then he started talking shit about her immediately, immediately on Twitter. And then she sounds like an awful person, too. She claimed she was raped while she was asleep and had a concussion while they were dating. And he came over and supposedly raped her while she had a concussion. Yeah, but then she went on to make a whole bunch of vines about it and kind of raked in the the popularity and they decided not to press charges supposedly. I mean, look, man, you're letting this potential rapist go loose and you're still talking about

it online? Like, you can't have both. You can't try to publicly shame this guy and then not press charges and put him behind bars because if this guy's a rapist, he should be locked up so no one else gets raped, right? Yeah. And if he's not, then why are you talking about it? To be fair, he only lasted six seconds. Oh, my gosh, Sean.

Yeah, but that's the... You're jumping around a lot. The disposable nature of Vine is what makes it popular and interesting. Dick, you roped me into this. You corner it. You bullied me in defending Vine or arguing against Vine. I'm not going to argue against Vine. Oh, it's just the stars.

You said it was a disrespectful platform. You said the platform was inherently disrespectful. So what the fuck do you have to say? Because, Dick, that was part of building my case that Vine Stars It's just Vine Stars Vine Stars is my problem Vine Stars

And I was telling you that Part of the problem Is the nature of the platform May Attract people like this Because they have no regard For the audience They have no regard for their art form

They don't care That guy had to get spoons That was some preparation Yeah Yeah he had to walk into his kitchen Yeah These guys don't have any regard They're entitled assholes

What do you mean they don't have any regard. Any regard for their audience? You don't think they want their audience to like what they're doing? Oh, I don't. I think that at some point they probably did, but once they got to a certain popularity level,

they have to produce content on a regular schedule because they get sponsorships and endorsement deals. Yeah. So they are no longer just creating art. They're no longer just creating stuff because they want to. They're doing it specifically to meet a schedule by some sponsor or some advertiser. That's all it is.

Which is a just. description of like all music. Every label requires their artists to put out a certain number of songs in a certain amount of time. Dick, there's an entire genre of music that specifically, that counters your argument just now. The indie scene.

The indie scene is specifically countered to that. Well, you brought up sponsors. I'm telling you as soon as sponsors are involved, you have to stay on the schedule. No, specifically with Vine. They want them to produce content constantly. Yeah. But with the music... Doesn't YouTube want you to continue producing shows? Yeah, and I don't.

schedule? I don't. I don't. My, yeah, my April Fool's video last year was kind of a fuck you to YouTube. Oh, really? Yeah, because they have the YouTube best practices playbook that says, always release content on a schedule. Right. You know, set your schedule. Put it up at the top of your banner on your page.

Every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, we're going to release content on this schedule. So that's what they want me to do. And as a fuck you to them, I made that video where I said, hey, guys, don't forget to subscribe on every third Thursday. the month and then every Tuesday I'm going to do this and every Saturday morning I'm going to do a new prank video that was my big fuck you because I don't believe in that I don't believe that schedules

necessarily put out the best content necessarily bring out the best in people well what if it does? Well I mean is that Divine Star's fault? I'm asking what is it I'm trying to find out what it is about them that makes

them so entitled like I don't know these people they just seem like kids like I thank God you ubiquitous technology was not around when we were kids. Right. Because I have no idea what would exist of me at that age. Right. It was a little asshole.

So now you got a bunch of little assholes who can record anything all the time, and they throw it up on Vine. Because, Dick, again, I'm just repeating myself. They make lots of money. They're millionaires. I didn't know that. You didn't mention that. Yeah, they're millionaires.

These kids are millionaires. Yeah, they're millionaires. You don't think it's an entitled attitude to rape somebody? I don't know how many of them are. are being rapists of Vine stars. That one kid? That one kid has been accused, but there's multiple, there's been multiple accounts.

And I've been to VidCon. I went to a VidCon, and almost every single VidCon that occurs, you hear a story about one of these 15-year-old Vine Stars or one of these, even a YouTube star, they'll meet a fan who's too drunk, and then they take them back to their room and have their way with them, and then they get off the hook.

You know, they're entitled Pricks. That's my problem with these guys. All right. Yeah. They're entitled pricks. They're, uh, they're, um, they're, um, they're just awful people. The Vine's, you seem really upset by them. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know why. Like, I don't, I've no, I've never thought of Vine Stars before this conversation. Yeah, you've never met one. No. Yeah, Vine Stars are the worst. Uh, you know, there's exceptions, of course, but for the most part, they're awful people. Um, and their fans are just, uh, bees. They're bees.

What do you mean? They're all workers in the hive. I assume they were kids. Yeah, I mean the mentality is. They have a hive mind, yeah. Oh, yeah. What's the hive mind? Like, whatever they say is funny?

Yeah, they follow along. I've seen them, when I was at VidCon, I saw some of these vine stars walk into a room, and the entire room was just filled with, you know, 12 and 13-year-old girls who are screaming their minds out. Yeah. Like, almost like the Beatles were walking into the room. They were crying.

They were fainting. They were, and the Vine Stars were being rushed by these girls who were ripping their clothes off, literally. Wow. And I was, I stopped looking at the Vine Star. First of all, I can't recognize any of them. I looked in there, and I even looked them up online. I thought, I just, where the fuck is this fame coming from? Because I see the videos and they're just not funny.

They're the lame. It's like the Satan Butthole joke, which you thought was hilarious. Well, it made me chuckle. Sure. For what it is Then you're its demo, man I don't know What can I say?

But yeah These, these, their fans seem like awful people and the Vine Star seem like awful people. Anyway, subscribe to my Vine channel. Yeah,

I want to see you take these people down then. Yeah. If you can put more work into... I mean, I may, you know, I may create a Vine at some point,

actually. I may create a Vine channel at some point, but... No, to put out a six-second video, it would take you to... long. You think so?

Stick to the format. Yeah. Stick to the format that works. Yeah. Anyway, Dick, that's my problem. What's your problem this week? My problem is the BBC.

BBC? What's wrong with the BBC? I like the BBC. Fuck you, man. Are you aware that they killed Top Gear this week? The BBC did? Yeah?

Yeah? You aware? Yeah. Apparently I'm the only, out of 350 million Top Gear fans worldwide viewers, I'm apparently the only person I know who watched this show.

Because no one else knew that. If it was on every now and then, I'd be flipping through the channels, and I'd stop and watch for a minute or two. But it was kind of, it's kind of boring. Yeah. Well, it's the only thing in life that I loved. It's the only thing I've ever loved outside of my immediate family. Yeah.

And they took it from me. Top Gear. The BBC took Top Gear from me. Yeah, I just watch reruns. I do. I watch several every day. All right. Problem solved.

Well, thanks for listening, guys. Tune in next week. So they fired Jeremy Clarkson. Do you know that? Yeah. You knew that. Do you know why? I heard that he punched one of the producers on the show.

There was a fracas. How you pronounce it? I don't know what happened. The narrative that everyone has immediately latched onto on the internet is that big shot entitled celebrity, Jeremy Clarkson, shows up at a hotel, and for no reason, because he doesn't have a hot steak, explodes with verbal and physical violence

on a producer he's worked with for over a decade. Yeah. That is the narrative that the internet is willing to immediately believe. That a man who is... Go ahead. Who's this coming from? What do you mean? This narrative.

Well, the narrative is just what's out in the media. Clarkson isn't saying what happened. The other guy, Oison, isn't saying what happened publicly. Obviously, because it's their lives and their jobs and their reputations on the line. Right. The BBC's investigation didn't really disclose anything more than that. Right. Other than that there was a fight, their name-calling happened,

and that there was a physical altercation, and then afterwards, the producer elected to go to the hospital because he got his lip busted and he was feeling dizzy. Right. Right? That's it. That's the narrative. Yeah.

That people are immediately willing to believe. Yeah. Right. So, BBC fires Clarkson. Well, the BBC did, Dick, it sounds like the BBC did their internal investigation, but then didn't find, they apparently did find some evidence that supported these claims, right?

This story, this narrative. Oh, well. They just didn't disclose it. Sure. Okay. Yeah. Right. So this guy punched one of his employees,

and, I mean, it seems, I feel like even the most far-flung, the most far, you know, the biggest fans of the show are saying, yeah, the guy should have gotten fired. The biggest fans? Yeah. Oh, no.

Absolutely not. The biggest fans don't give a fuck. The biggest fans wouldn't care if Jeremy Clarkson punched out the queen. They would want him on TV. It sounds like Vine Star, Vine fans. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's just, what annoyed me about it is that they're ready to believe, like, a grown man would just

wig out for something so small. But I can easily imagine sets of scenarios where maybe there was an altercation that isn't so outlandishly crazy. Like, the narrative on the internet I read is, well, you assaulted a coworker, you should get fired.

It's like, yeah, well, on the show, they also press the host until their breaking points, like, in challenges. Like, they purposefully screw with them by depriving them of, like, sleep and comfort and food. And then if you're dealing with

a gigantic celebrity like that, like an artist, essentially, you know, like a rock star, a painter, a creator. A vine star, sure. A vine star, sure. You push them to this point in their job, and then someone kind of fucks with them a little bit, I can easily see that blowing up into a physical education. And I don't know what happened.

Yeah. But I'm just saying. Right. A lot of big gray area. I thought he was drunk. I heard that he was drunk and this happened at a bar. It happened in a hotel. Oh, no, hotel.

A possible. You know what might have happened? They got there a little late. Kitchen was allegedly closed, right? So the guy brings out a stack of cold meats and cheese. Right. Says, here you go. You haven't eaten for 24 hours.

We've been fucking with you. Here's a bunch of meats and cheeses. Okay. Yeah. And that's just okay? You're supposed to just eat it and go to bed? Yeah, fuck off. Or you could get nothing.

It's something. It's meat and cheese. That's a dish that people order at tapas restaurants. Meat and cheese. That's like high-end food. Charcottery, right? That's what they call it? I guess.

Yeah. I guess. What's wrong with that? It would be an unpleasant surprise to me if I'd been busting my hump for a day and getting my ass kicked around. Big plate of meat and cheese. And I show together.

And I show up in some asshole. didn't bother to set up dinner. So what? You just start punching producers? That's what you would do? I'm not saying that's what I would do. I'm just saying, did that happen? Maybe? Yeah, I don't know.

I'm just saying it's not crazy to imagine that an artist would react in an unhinged manner when provoked constantly. This is an interesting problem, dig, because you're defending what sounds like an entitled artist, just like a Bindstar. Oh, I'm, yeah, I want Top Kee's. you're back. I want Clarkson back. I don't

care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't need to pretend that I'm in a world, that I live in a world policing everyone's actions from my fucking keyboard. Yeah, but by supporting them, Dick, by supporting them, you support this bad behavior, just like the Vine Stars who have their fans who like them in spite of the racist and homophobic things that they say in spite of the rape that they're, that they've been found with. Don't compare me to rape. All I'm saying is I'm supporting a world.

where you might get roughed up if you fuck up. If you screw up when you're working on a big production for creative purposes and you screw up enough, you might have to get into an altercation. That's the world view I support. Hmm. Yeah, I don't know about that, Dick. I don't know about, I don't know that you have to get in an altercation. Why should somebody who's working?

Look, this producer who got punched, he was just coming to work. You don't know that. Nobody knows. Nobody knows what actually happened. So you're saying that there could be some justification for why the kid was punched. Oh, yeah. Not a kid either. Somebody who'd been working on that show for a long time. Yeah. Somebody knew who exactly who he was dealing with. Nice drive-by though. Yeah. Yeah, some kid, right?

Yeah, just slipped that right in there. Wasn't he young though? Was he some producer? He was younger than 54, which is Clarkson's age, by the way. I thought he was like in his 30s or something. That's not a kid, bro. Well, comparatively? Comparatively, you're in the prime of your life, you should be able to take down a 55-year-old man with one hand tied behind your back.

Yeah, but look, man, you're in a position where your boss just punched you, what, are you supposed to trade blows of them and get fired? Of course. Get fired. Get fired? No, no, no. There's no, no, there's no defending it.

They can do whatever they want. What, the bosses? Yeah, no, the BBC. The BBC, yeah. Clarkson, you make us a billion dollars, but you assaulted this guy, got to fire you. Oh, that's not up to me.

Yeah. I'd rather have the show back, not up to me. Yeah. I'm not defending beating up coworkers. Yeah. I just want the show back. Dick, it sounds an awful lot like you are defending beating up coworkers. Yeah, because in my world, I don't care if that happens.

There's a big difference. You just want to be entertained. Yeah, I just want to be entertained. And every time somebody says, how would you feel if a coworker blah, blah, blah, I'm like, I don't care. I don't care. It doesn't bother me. Yep, these are the Vine fans, man. Yeah.

Oh, I don't care that this guy's accused of rape. I don't care that... This isn't rape. I'm not condoning rape. I don't care that this guy's racist or he punched another person. He assaulted somebody, his employee. Look, man, if Clarkson had gotten in

an altercation at a bar and he punched somebody, that's a totally different thing. But he punched his own employee. You think that's cool? First of all, it's not his employee. It's a guy that works under him. You don't think that he can get that guy fired? I don't think making a television show

is the same thing as making cardboard boxes. That's one problem I have. with it, the entire point of the show is fucking with these, is fucking with the presenters. Yeah. Is screwing with them directly to get them to react poorly on camera. Did, uh, did Clarkson defend himself when this came out? No, he reported himself. He reported himself.

He said this happened. Uh, sorry, like to apologize, everybody involved. Don't you think that's enough verification that this happened? The fact that, I don't know, that he did that he, that he, well, you're saying that, the BBC story, they investigated it, but it wasn't verified. Don't you think that... No, no, it was verified, but there's no context given. Okay. You see what I'm saying?

You're saying that there could be some context that could exist that could justify him just punching this dude. And he didn't just punch a dude. There was a row. There was a row. Whatever you want to call it. Yeah. Yeah. He didn't just walk up and cold cock him.

Yeah. At least, I don't know. That's not how it's presented, though. But he didn't defend himself. Not that I know of. So I could make the case. I could see that if he didn't defend himself, it could be because he was hoping that the BBC would be lenient towards him

if he admitted guilt and culpability, just like a judge would if you admitted, if you pled guilty instead of trying to defend yourself of something where there is overwhelming evidence that you committed the crime. Maybe. So maybe he may have done that. However, they fired him.

The show's pretty much over, right? Fired him, two hosts quit right alongside him. So they can all go work on Netflix. Right? A big deal, of course, yeah. The show's going to go on, Dick. It's not a big deal. The BBC, look, Dick, put yourself in the shoes of the BBC for a minute.

Say you ran a wildly successful show, and this happened. And you're running a multi-billion-dollar organization, or hundreds of millions at least. Yeah. And there's a population out there. There's a big growing chorus of people who are saying, hey, man, you're going to tolerate You can tolerate one of your celebrities, one of your producers, one of your showrunners here, punching each other out and creating this kind of work environment, this hostile, literally hostile work environment. You guys are going to tolerate that and potentially lose risk losing.

Lose revenue, right? You're going to lose revenue, right? Here we go. So this is where I started my investigation. Okay. You know how the BBC stays afloat? You know how they get all their fucking funding? How's that?

Everybody in the UK has to pay 145 pounds every year to the BBC if they own a television. Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. Can you imagine that? It's like mandatory PBS. Mandatory? It's like, it's like, it's even worse than mandatory PBS. It's like as though every person in America had to give $200 to the FCC so they could run a gigantic billion-dollar television network. Wait, how is it different than PBS?

Because PBS is tax-funded. PBS, for those who are listening abroad, is kind of like our version of the BBC. It's public, what is it, public broadcasting station? Yeah, make a PBS then. PBS. PBS is tax-funded. Right, you're right.

Yeah, I was wrong about that. Obviously, it's not all done through donations, even though they do that too. Yeah, they do, they take donations as well. I don't know, the BBC sounds like they're completely tax-funded. But, oh, no, they have, they have, they do make money on the side, they make another billion pounds just selling ads and commercials. Okay.

So their operating budget should be a billion pounds a year. Yeah. Instead, because everybody in the country has to pay $215 American to the company. They're operating at $5 billion. Why is that a problem? Why is it a problem to have a mandatory tax funding a news organization? Right. Do you think it's a problem for the state and the media to be basically one entity?

That the state forces you to fund their own media conglomerate. Well, as long as it's a separate arm, it's a separate branch, you can't just collude the BBC with the state. Because some of the best reporting I've seen anywhere has come from the BBC. They do some really good reporting. So I throw the baby out with the bathwater, right? I just don't see it I just don't see it as a problem How much censorship would it take

on the part of the BBC for you to see it as a problem? Let me ask you that. If there was censorship. Okay. Here we go. Reinventing the Royals, a documentary critical of Prince Charles.

Yeah. Trying to rebuild his image after the death of his wife, or the death of his ex-wife was pulled because it was considered a hatchet job and it was critical. Prince Charles. Who pulled it?

The BBC. Yeah. There's nobody checking the balances between them. Well, that's a problem. Oh, yeah, that's a problem. Commonwealth Games documentary. Mark Beaumont, the presenter, was filmed grappling with the judo champion, this girl, right? He says, I'm not, he loses, of course, because it's television.

I'm not sure I can live that down being beaten by a 19-year-old girl. They cut out the girl part. Offensive. I actually mentioned that, I believe, in episode number three, Dick. I brought that specific example in. So how did you not know that there's censorship happening there? Well, yeah, but that wasn't at the behest of the government. That was, again, that was like people out crying.

They were saying, oh, you're using the word girl as an insult there. That's why I brought that in in the other N-Words episode. I said that the G-word is now censored. What's the difference between the government and the company if the company is funded with mandatory television fees? If you... Okay. Do you know how they collect the fee?

Yeah, let's hear it. All right, let me get to that. So you get a TV in the UK, right? You have it, you take it home, just like it is in America. Right. Right. You have to pay. You have to send this in voluntarily.

If you don't, they put everybody who owns a TV in something called the Lassie database. A database, a system to catch fee evaders. Fee evaders. Okay, so I did the math dig. It comes to about 12 pounds a month, right? Right. That's like $15 a month for BBC. Like $20.19.

Is it? Okay. So I don't know. I haven't done the math for PBS funding. I imagine it's probably around that. You think PBS gets $5 billion U.S. dollars every year? No, probably not $5 billion. That seems like a lot.

Yeah, that's it. There's no way. Is that the entire BBC fund, including advertising revenue? No, the entire BBC fund. BBC gets 3.7 million a year from fees, and then another billion on top of that, pounds. Another billion from ad revenue on top of that. So that's a very minuscule amount, man. 3 million, 3 million pounds?

3 billion. 3.7 billion. Oh, billion. More 75% of their funding is because the government sends agents to harass you to pay for this television network. Can you imagine if they did that with either? Fox News or CNN or MSNBC here, any gigantic media conglomerate. Because one way or the other, half of the country disagrees with what they're saying. Yeah, but Dick, the PBS and BBC, generally I trust them as news sources because they are less biased, they are more balanced, they do look at both sides of the stories.

And despite the Republican, the conservative outcry in this country against NPR and saying NPR and PBS and these NPR sense for national public radio. They say that it's left-leaning and it's biased and this and that. It's really not. It's the most balanced source you can get news from in this country. That's you saying that. The other side radically disagrees with that. Like can you entertain that idea that is one side?

The people who have their voice being represented agree that it's biased, but the people who feel that their voice is not being represented think that it's incredibly biased. Well, that's also because they are not able to get those loud-mouthed rush limbaughs on the air. They have, first of all, the conservatives are being fed those talking points by their ideologic leaders, right? Their thought leaders like the Bill O'Reilly's and the Rush Limbaughs and the Laura Ingrams and Glenn Bex and I can go on, yada, yada, yada. I don't think that they control the entire conservative populace of the U.S. They're the mouthpiece for the conservative populace for the U.S.

You think all Republicans just work, like, yep, Rush Limbaugh, that's what I'm talking about. No, not all Republicans, but they are the loudest voices for those. There is no, there is no liberal Rush Limbaugh. Who's the closest thing to Rush Limbaugh for the liberals? What do you got? Keith Olderman? Come on. There's no one, no one even comes close to Rush Limbaugh's reach.

In what do you mean in reach? In his radio audience? You don't think the Daily show is tremendously left-lems? uh news source uh they are left leaning but they still criticize the the i wouldn't say that the daily shows balance i don't don't put words in my mouth the daily show is not not even close the i'm saying that's a pretty equal thing in my opinion rush rush limbaugh and the daily show one show on a comedy network versus the entire fox news network look we're getting derailed here but like there is nothing nothing that even comes close so what

i'm saying is pbs and bbc i have found way more balanced reporting that comes out of those news sources. Why do you think that is? Why is it that they are producing more balanced news than, say, CNN or Fox News or MSNBC? Well, because they don't have to sell ads, obviously. Okay, so they don't have to sell. So I think that then you're making a case for, for, uh, for, uh, tax funded news organizations. I'm really not. I'm absolutely not. If, yeah, okay, well, if they're not, uh, so why, why do you think that, do you think that, uh, that you can get balanced news from the BBC or PBS? Do I think you can get balanced news from the PBS or a BBC?

What do you mean? Do you think it's possible? Yeah. Of course. You can get balanced news from anyone. You can. Do you think it's more likely to come from PBS or BBC or Fox News? From the BBC? Fox News is specifically not balanced. Right. They're not even news. It's just repeating something that came off of the newswire and putting a conservative spin on it. Right. So you agree. It's more likely.

to come from BBC and PBS. Okay, so then that's my whole argument, is that BBC, there is a reason for these networks to exist. So you're for it, as long as you're not paying for it. No, I think it's important. If you live in England, you're fucking paying for this to exist. Yeah, I think it's important to pay for some kind of unbiased, clean news source that is non-political.

Well, that's controlled by the state. Don't forget that. They whitewashed, have you ever heard? Oh, yeah, the Jimmy. Seville thing, the guy that raped like 500 underage kids and was a television presenter. He was a huge star. Yeah, he was a huge star. Huge star.

For BBC One, was that the guy, the Indian dude? No, no, no, no, no. That was another guy. This guy was in like the 60s and 70s. He ran like Top of the Pops. He was like our Dick Clark. No, I hadn't heard of this guy. He raped over 500 kids.

Allegedly. So he died. He died. The investigation started. they were uncovering all this crazy, all these, all these heinous acts, and then the documentary wasn't aired. Now, some might say it conflicted with the honorariums that they were showing at the time, because this man is a presenter, a beloved presenter. Oh. And they were broadcasting, you know, in loving memory of this and these specials about them and that this documentary exploring.

his depraved history of sex abuse, of committing sex crimes, would conflict with the narrative. Right, right. Yeah. You know, the censorship piss me off, Dick, and I'm not going to say that I'm not going to discount the fact that the BBC might be being censored. You're right.

That is a concern. Unless we have any evidence, though, that that's actually occurring and how often it's occurring, because I know for a fact that Fox News censors certain information. Like, for example... Yeah, but you don't have to pay for Fox News. That's a big difference. Yeah.

It's a big difference. Fox News only has to answer to advertisers. You want them to go away? Stop watching. Sure. You want the BBC to go away? You can't because the government sends agents to your house to shake you down for this money. They call you, they harass you, they send guys to your house with portable devices that can detect how many TVs you have on in your own fucking house.

Really? They have those? Yes. Absolutely true. They have vans and they advertise That we have vans and we will find you It's so pervasive that You know the British girl

That I used to date for a long time Yeah She said her and her brother were they were poor They were broke poor when they were kids They were afraid when they were home And their parents couldn't afford this TV licensing fee That the government would send agents out To do something

They didn't know because they were kids But they were afraid of this boogeyman Lurking in the shadows coming to collect Their fucking BBC fee Right So to play devil's advocate here, Dick, you don't have to own a TV. You don't have to pay for BBC. You don't have to own a TV.

You don't have to do anything. There you go. Don't buy a TV. Don't buy a TV. Hey man, you buy a radio. You buy a car with a radio. Some percentage of the fee of the radio goes towards funding the FCC, doesn't it? I don't know.

I'm sure it does. Yeah, the radio industry has to pay taxes to the FCC. Do you think that's a good thing? Because that's a whole other. I think they're a bunch of crooked scumbags as well, but I don't have to pay $250. every year to support them. Well, you don't know.

You haven't done the math. We're probably paying. I don't have to pay $200 a year to support the FCC. I know that. Maybe not 200, but we don't know what percentage of our taxes goes towards that. The FCC. The FCC has done some good things and some bad things. The FCC probably in recent years more bad than good, but you can't throw the baby out

with the bathwater. I mean, if you say so, I think they're a bad organization. So this sounds like a lot of, what is it? Pussy, Sourgraves for, just because they canceled your show, Dick. No, I think they're a bad, I think they're a legitimately bad organization. I first started looking into this. This Twitter account retweeted one of my Jeremy Clarkson jokes. I sat around all day making Jeremy Clarkson jokes.

I think it lost a bunch of followers doing it. It was Twitter banned the BBC or something like that. And he's like a series Twitter account on why it's bad. Why it's bad to have like a state-funded media. Division. Okay. That's one of the biggest in the world. Why that would be bad.

It's scary because it could lend itself towards propaganda. It almost specifically does. Like, how could it not? Well, obviously, it's not doing that in the UK. Yeah, women on panel shows, do you hear about this? No, what is it? The actress 2009, Victoria Wood, stated that the BBC panel shows were two male dominated. So, February 2014, TV execs said that would be no longer all-male comedy panel shows.

on the BBC and shows must contain women. Yeah, that's shitty. Yeah. The journalist somebody, Caitlin Moran, referred to tokenism already existing on such shows. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, I... How about that? I don't understand how women stand for that.

If I was a woman and I got cast for a show or I got hired for a job, I would want to know that it's because I was the most qualified candidate, male or female. If I'm a woman and this law exists or this stipulation exists that they have to have a certain number of women on a cast or as a show or staffed at an agency or whatever it is, I would feel insecure about my talents and abilities if this stipulation existed. I would always in the back of my mind wonder whether or not I was hired because I was qualified or whether or not I was hired because I have a fucking vagina. I don't want to think that. I don't want to ever think that, and I think it's condescending towards women. This is a total unrelated thing, but I think that's super condescending. Well, yeah, the BBC's employing this, but it's not unique to the BBC.

However, if they weren't being funded by your fucking television, you go, bloop, you CNN pulls that? Switch over to Fox News. Switch over to any other network, and the network that's doing shit you don't like fades away. BBC, always going to be there. They never need to work for that money. They don't need to make you happy. They could say it's 50% women. That's what we're doing.

Doesn't matter. Fuck you, you got to pay for it. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, ma'am. You're making the case that this mandatory, this tax isn't mandatory because you don't have to own a TV. Well, I think the idea that you don't have to own a TV and that by owning a TV, you have to support a network that you don't necessarily agree with is as totalitarian as you can get on TV. If the choice is between not owning a television And supporting an organization Whose ideals and goals you necessarily don't agree with If those are your only two fucking options

That's like that's basically give me liberty or give me TV death Yeah Yeah man I don't know this is a mixed bag I think that You think it's a mixed bag What if they were doing it with books or websites What? The BBC

Part of that money goes to funding websites. What if they had a Maddox rip-off website? Just a bunch of rip-offs of your articles that basically said the opposite, but by owning a computer you have to pay for this anti-Matic's website. Yeah, I mean, we kind of do, don't we? Don't we all kind of subsidize the Internet just by paying taxes? Don't we all subsidize that infrastructure? The roads, on some level, the roads are the way that commerce happens,

and telephone poles with fiber lines are installed because they're able to communicate. But they're not creating comedy websites that compete with you or that refute you. They're not making you pay for your own demise. Who is the BBC competing with? Channel 4. I think Sky One is...

Yeah, Sky one's private, and that's what, Rupert Murdoxing, right? Yeah, and that's the competition. So they have to compete. They have to compete, you know, like normal. Like, we're all equal and we're competing to get your views. And they have to compete against every single person in the country funding their competition. That would be like you competing with your videos competing with someone who has a budget that's covered by everyone in America.

Yeah, but I do, Dick, because PBS has videos on YouTube, and so does a lot of a nonprofit organization. This isn't my PBS. episode. This is my BBC episode. I'm sure BBC has a YouTube channel too. I'm competing with not just BBC and PBS but I'm competing with Viacom. I'm competing with Viacom. I'm competing

with Viacom and I'm competing with NBC Universal and I'm competing with ABC. They're not funded by people having to pay TV licensing fees. They're enforced by the government. Do you not you just don't care about people showing up at your door charging you for your TV? Dick, I just view it as a tax and we pay

taxes for lots of things. If you want to abolish tax If you want abolish taxes, that's a different argument. But it sounds like a libertarian agenda again. That sounds like, well, we don't want any kind of government organization. You can't see past labeling it as a libertarian agenda that the BBC is like designed to be corrupt. Okay, maybe. No, I don't think it's designed to be corrupt. I think they have good intentions.

And that's why I think it's more likely. Well, good intentions. But you agree, Dick, that it's more likely to get, you're more likely to get a balanced news story coming from the BBC than, say, Fox News, MSNBC or CNN, right? CNN, I don't know. Fox News, I would say, is not even designed to be like a news organization. No, but CNN are horrors.

They will do anything for the dollar. They don't care. They're just going after ratings. They will hire someone right-wing. They will hire someone left-wing. They put Nancy Grace. They give Nancy Grace a platform on their network. Well, yeah, then obviously not.

If you're looking for the BBC as a source of unbiased news, I don't think it needs to cost $5 billion. I don't see why they get to have programs like Top Gear, for example, if they're just providing unbiased news. It seems a little far out of their charter, doesn't it? It does. Seems like they could whack that fee down to like $5 and still provide good unbiased news. But, Dick, doesn't the very existence of a show like Top Gear kind of refute your whole argument against the BBC?

Because a show that you love and cherish more than anything on earth next to your family came out of this organization that you loathe. So it's possible that the BBC does some things right and they greenlight some shows that you like. Well... They made that possible. They made a show like Top Gear possible. Yeah, you know, I wear Hugo Boss too.

They design the Nazis uniforms. Perhaps you're familiar with that. Yeah, that doesn't mean I support Hitler. It just means I like Hugo Boss. Yeah. I don't know. That's it. That's my problem. All right. You're not moved by that at all.

To an extent. The only argument that I felt like held any weight there was the censorship argument. I am concerned about censorship. How about the Hutton Report? What's the Hutton Report? Tony Blair came out and said weapons of mass destruction exist. They're like, uh-oh. Remember that?

He's like the UK, George W. Bush. I know who Tony Blair is, yeah. Okay. And then, now, this is me not being very familiar with the report. Yeah. Because it didn't happen here. We got enough to keep track up. Right.

But I believe one way to look at what happened was the government had an inquiry and decided that it was all the BBC's fault. And that the government was not responsible for anything that happened. You can look it up. The Hutton Report, is this different than the 10 Downing Street memo? I don't know. The 10 Downing Street memo was presented, I believe, by Colin Powell. And it was, it turned out it came from plagiarized sources. and it was intentionally, it was plagiarized from college papers that were written before Saddam Hussein's regime was even, before the first Gulf War, I believe.

And it was a bunch of plagiarized information, blah, blah, blah. But anyway, yeah, that's a really interesting chapter in history, which I don't think either of us are research. Pretty easy to get around government scandals when you can just blame it on the news. And what can they do? Because you're footing the tab no matter what. They can't go away. Yeah. there's an argument to be made for the BBC and one against.

All right. Yeah. I mean, you haven't persuaded me, you haven't convinced me that it's a bad organization. I think that just by the virtue of the fact that they are more likely to produce a balanced news story than any other news organization. Yeah? Is their saving grace? Well, then you should chuck in your $215 for that because everybody in the UK has to pay for that. I'm not a UK member.

I don't give a shit. Oh, fuck them. Yeah. Right? What if I cave you $200? to agree with me. Then would you see it my way? Because that's what they're faced with. I'll tell you. No, I won't.

All right. That's my problem. I really fuck them for taking away my top gear. Thank God my brother-in-law has Netflix. I can steal. When it comes out on Netflix, I can watch it there. It's just going to come out someplace else, yeah. Another company that has no scruples about hiring someone who punches his

you know what, man, look, he's punished, he lost his job. What more do you want? I don't think this guy should be punished for the rest of his life. He's going to get a show on Netflix. Yeah. And then you can be happy watching it on Netflix. Well, that fits the same. And you won't even, you will deny the thanks that they deserve for even creating the show that you love so much.

Jeremy Clarkson created that show. It existed before him and it sucked. Well, the process, the, what's the name? The mechanism to create a show like that, to make the show like that as successful as it was, and to fund it and to produce it existed because of the BBC which you won't even acknowledge. Yeah, it's a BBC show.

I don't have to acknowledge a fact? No, no, you won't acknowledge that this mechanism was responsible for creating this show. No. For allowing a show like Top Gear to flourish. No, I don't agree with that. You don't? No, I don't.

Well, my problem's Vine stars. My problem's the BBC. All right, don't forget to vote on these problems. Problems, that the biggest problem in the universe.com. Thanks for listening. And thanks for supporting the show. Check out the bonus episode this week. Yeah, thanks for listening.

Did you do me a huge favor and stop talking over, Sean? The moment you ask him for his fucking opinion, you assholes, thank you. And Dick, last thing. Not a big deal. Just go fuck yourself. Yeah, not a big deal, Dick. Go fuck yourself. What do you think about that, Sean?

You know, Sean, we don't really interrupt you. No, you know what I do? You know what I do? What do you do, Sean? I jump on you guys kind of too much sometimes. I don't wait to start a sentence. No, not at all. That's true.

You do jump on his way too much. No, but sometimes Sean has to because the way we're arranged in the studio, we're not looking at each other necessarily. So sometimes we don't see if Sean needs to chime in, so he'll just have to, like, come in. And another thing, sometimes Sean, Sean is busy doing his audio engineer stuff. So when we ask Sean a question, we give him a few seconds to, we give him a few seconds to, to get his mic prepped up and everything ready to go to talk. So sometimes that may come across the word jumping on his lines.

I like to give him time to think. Like when you put him on the spot and then sometimes you'll just like keep talking so you'll have like a second to put your thoughts together. Yeah, it happens slowly a lot of the time. Hey, what's up guys. This is Zach from North Carolina. I love what to do and everything. But I was listening to this episode.

I didn't know that Utah had all those restrictions on alcohol, though being enlightened in such a fact makes it a lot more obvious why Maddox would fall for something as shitty as fireball cinnamon whiskey Oh wonder 3.2 on the beer, can't sell wine in the stores he must have a fireball suit him and whiskey

and shit a platinum fucking brick Ah well That's all I had, good comment, good show all that Dick go fuck yourself Yeah You know what asshole I love spice You guys can attest to this

I love spice I love spicy things, and I like cinnamon whiskey because it's cinnamon, and cinnamon is spicy. I put spice in my coffee. I like spice all the time. Cinnamon is the best flavor. Yeah, I wonder what it tastes like to you, cinnamon. Yeah. Tastes incredible. It just tastes like dust to me. Like kind of sweet dust. I don't know. Did you eat the wrong thing? What are you eating? Just cinnamon. Like, it's not that great.

Gah! Cinnamon's incredible. What are you talking about? I don't know. Stick to your smoky bullshit, buddy. All right. Hey guys, my name is Nick Switzer, and this may be a long call, and I apologize in advance for that. But I wanted to bring something up from a previous problem. The problem is about people who turn left. I cut it up a bit, too.

You can convince me that left turns are terrible. But then I hear Dick saying that he zones out driving sometimes, and I immediately think, that's really dangerous. I thought I just heard him, and a few seconds later, he reiterates, I like to zone out while driving. Yeah. Now, I don't want to be another generic guy who hits on Dick because I've been a fan of him for years.

Ever since he did be Mega 64 Marcus' That was the end of the call. He loved those guys for years now. It's where I found out about him. So it kind of hurts me to say this, but Dick, what the hell are you doing, man? Do you agree with this?

You cannot go ahead and criticize Maddox for driving like a madman and a samurai. When you are zoning in and out. Zoning out while you drive in. Hary packages. I'm sure Maddox would agree that driving requires 100% attention or at least 99% if you're trying

to snort cinnamon and fireball whiskey on the dashboard will stop the left turn because you weren't paying attention because he's owned out. Bottom line kids and I guess I'm like to listen to all they're driving. Make sure that driving is the number one thing on your mind where you'll be like a dick.

Give up the great work you guys and Sean you do an awesome job every week and you deserve much more credit. Oh man. All right, thanks, guys. That's the cut version. Do you agree with that? I thought that was the best call we ever had. Okay, Sean. Because he kissed your ass. Listen, I got I got a phrase for this guy.

Three little words. Shorter. Yeah, man. Zoning out is dangerous. It takes 100% attention when you're driving like a samurai. You can't be zoning off. You've got to be paying attention 100% in time.

That's why I don't text when I drive. I don't talk to anybody when I drive. Girls hate it when I drive next to them. You know what? Except they're super impressed and they're horned up by the end of... Whenever we go, they're all horned up ready for sex because they're so turned off by my driving skills.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's really easy to say it takes a hundred percent of your concentration to drive, but it just doesn't. Dick, I have one hand on the horn. I have one hand hanging out the window ready to flip people off and signal people to wave myself into traffic, wave out of traffic,

wave people, go on, get in the lane, get out of the lane. It's a full thing. It's a full contact sport for me, man. Like, this guy doesn't just, like, sit at a light and just kind of wait for it to change. Like, that doesn't take 100% of your concentrating. You're sitting there, kind of like looking at a billboard or thinking about the podcast.

You're like, oh, this car is moving. Time for me to move next. No. When I'm at a red light, I'm looking at the oncoming traffic to see if they're going to turn slow because there might be a lagger in the middle of the road. He's signaling, but he's not paying attention

to the light turn yellow. Guess what? Next thing, the light turns green. You're pulling into the traffic and all of a sudden this dipshit stuck in the middle. I'm ready to honk every single time. Then I'm looking at pedestrians walking because they might be lagging,

walking across the road. Then I'm looking at the car in front of me to make sure that they're going to go and I'm ready to honk at them, and I'm looking at the car behind me, make sure they don't jump the gun and rear end me. I'm ready.

100% of the time, buddy. Let me ask you something. When you're, I would say the most paying attention I ever do is when I'm arguing with a woman. Like when I've argued with a girlfriend, that's when I'm paying attention at 100%. Yeah. Because I'm thinking of shitty things to say.

Sure. And thinking of like whether or not she's wrong. Yeah. Like how to prove this. I'm listening for every single fuck up so I can throw it back in her face. Yeah. Do you think, would you agree with that?

That's when you're thinking 100% is when you're arguing with a significant other? I, I've never had to expend more than 12% of my effort to argue with somebody. All right, well, then I probably drive at about a 12% paying attention. I spend 100% when I'm arguing with a woman. Yeah, yeah, no, I usually, I rarely go above 50%. There's just not that much stuff to do. When you're on the freeway, you can zone out. You can look for stuff that might be coming in, but then you can go back to zoning out.

You, when I'm on the freeway, I'm zigzagging in and out of fucking traffic. I'm driving in the emergency lane if I have to. I'm all over the place. I'm going around suckers left and right. I see a semi. Oh shit, this guy's going to fucking turn, get in the left lane. He's going to get in the fast lane. I got to pass him up.

I know he might fish tail. I better be prepared for that. I predict. I prepare. I'm ready for anything, man. I think you've made my point. Yeah, I got to pee.