The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 57

Episode Date: May 26, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe, the show where we discuss every problem in the universe from ants to AIDS with over 3.2 million downloads. This is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of problems. I'm Maddox with me as Dick Masterson. Hey, what's up, buddy? And Sean, our audio engineer, welcome back. New intro. New intro. I like that intro.

Yeah. You get a lot of power behind it, too. We get it out there. You know what the show is. Yeah. Because Dick, I talked to someone over the weekend who said they listened to the show and they, didn't understand it. It wasn't clear to them what this show was based on the title, the biggest problem in the universe. Well, it's two 30-something white-ish guys complaining.

Whiteish. To explain it to you, if you're so stupid, you can't understand what two guys shouting into microphones on the internet is about. That's what it's about. Yeah. So I've tinkered a little bit, Dick, to help those, the lesser minds sometimes, is what I like to call them. Dick, you know what? Maybe I am a... fucking idiot. What was that? What did you want to play? You know what I love about that intro is the ants to AIDS? Yeah. It always cracks me out because you know it's supposed to be A to Z. It would be like from ants to zebras. No, no, no, but you can also draw a comparison in scale, in scope of problems too. Yeah, but the A, it necessarily like lends itself from A to Z.

Like, you don't go like, we got all the cars down here at Dick Mason's car lot. We got all the way from Audi's to Alpha Romeo's. Yeah, that's a good example. Well, you could even do a cheaper card than Audies. You can also draw a comparison between price. You can draw a comparison between color. You can draw a comparison between size. There are lots of different comparisons, not just alphabetical.

I'm just saying. Yeah, I know. I get it. I know it sounds weird. Anyway, Dick. Last week's biggest problems, teleology came in number one. I guess that's how it's pronounced, right? Teleology? I don't know. Everybody called in and said I was stupid,

but Google says it the way I was saying it. Teleology. But then they said it was teleology. It's teleology. And then some Miriam Webster's dictionary said it was like teleology. Yeah, I don't know. I even heard it. I think the British pronunciation is tuliology or some bullshit like that.

Anyway, man, teleology came in a higher problem, a bigger problem than honor killings. Good job, idiots. And then Netflix, are you watching button? And then you guys downvoted high heels. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but you did ultimately win because Barbie stopped wearing high heels this week.

I didn't win, Dick. No one wins on the show. Yeah, but you said it was a problem. It was a problem. Mattel and I guess little girls all fixed your problem. Barbie's a small bit. But I feel like that came from some social pressures. Okay, so you're anti that.

So you like high heels on Barbie, but not on real women. Well, because Barbie's a toy. I like my toys to have machine. guns. I don't like children to have machine guns. Of course. Okay. Well, on that note, Pamela, Yatch, Yach, Yacu, Yat, Yacot. Skip it, just blow through it. Whatever, man. One and done. That's the rule with the name pronunciations from now on. Just whatever it sounds like, go with it. Pamela says,

fucking thank you, Maddox. So many women around me have made me feel like I was nuts for being grossed out and confused by other women who take their high heels off and walk around the grimy floor or filthy street or whatever without shoes. I see tons of them who take their shoes off less than 30 minutes into the night. Yeah. Pamela, she agreed with me. Class it up, ladies. Keep them on. Yeah.

Keep them on. No one likes that grimy, gray foot butter. I'll tell you what, when I loosen my tie, my necktie, that's when you can take the high heels off, right? Do you hate wearing neckties, too? I hate, I've always hated tight collars. Everything's I was a kid, like, it feels like I'm getting strangled. So I'm just counting down, no matter what I'm at wedding, bar mitzvah, like, whatever, I'm counting down the seconds until I can lose.

loosen that necktie and pop off the top button. Yeah, I loosened it a little bit right from the get-go because it makes you feel, it makes you look a little disheveled in a good way. Yeah, cool. Yeah, cool, right? Oh, man, that guy's had a long day. He had a long day at the office. Long day of playing video games online on his Twitch account.

Dick, Dick's been giving me shit because I told him, starting last week, I started experimenting with a Twitch account. And for those who don't know, which is apparently a lot of people, Twitch is an online streaming platform for video games. So specifically made for video game players, which I am. I'm a gamer. And I realized a while back that I've been playing

video games, why shouldn't people watch and learn from me? Oh. A pro gamer. Okay. How do I watch this? Seriously, I want to watch you do it. How do I do it? I link to it on my Twitter. It's twitch.com slash Real Maddox. Okay. Yeah, I think that's my handle. Real Maddox. And I've been experimenting with it. I'm not sure if I want

to continue doing it, because here's what I didn't understand about Twitch. At the outset, it seems like you're just watching people play video games. What a lazy fucking thing, right? Yeah, it is. It's definitely that. No, it's not. You don't understand. Because from the perspective of a streamer, it is a tremendous amount of work.

You really have to take into consideration lots of things. It's like doing a cooking show that lasts for two hours and it's live. It is a lot of work. Yeah. It really is, yeah. All right. People take for granted how hard it is to do podcasts. To play video games? No, dickhead.

Just like the amount of work that we put into this podcast every week is substantial, right? Yeah. We got our audio engineer. We do editing. We do research. We have sound clips and music clips and voicemail and email and comments. It just never ends, right? Yeah.

There's so much work that goes into it behind the scenes. Same thing with Twitch. Check it out. Twitch.com slash RealO-Matic. I don't know if I'll continue doing it. I think I'm going to because it's a challenge. So you better watch now while the watching's good. Yeah.

Dick, I got a comment from James Fraser. He says, you know your life is pretty good when your problem consists of having to press one button on a remote. Yeah, that's a fair cop. I'm not going to complain about, you know, it's the principle. It's the principle of it. It's that Netflix is making me save them money. It's like, it's bigger than that. It's just, it's the same as the plastic bag ban.

They're making me pay for their bags. You pay the 10 cents, jerk off. You press the button, Netflix. And yet, Dick Masterson loves self-checkout lanes, which, by the way, you fuck. I spent three minutes in a self-checkout lane trying to check out this weekend, and it was so infuriating. I started recording it. I have a two-and-a-half-minute video. It was, I missed an entire minute of them fucking around.

One person going after getting an attendant, I had to get a supervisor come by, and someone had to log in and override the machine before I was able to check out with that bullshit that never fucking works. Look. I'm going to send that video to you. Awesome. I can't wait to not watch it. This is one little step on the March of Progress. Someday we'll be able to just walk into the store and walk out of the store with your goods.

Right? The self-checkout lane is one step towards that. I got a voicemail. You talked about speech recognition. Right. Was it last episode or two episodes ago? About two episodes ago. So somebody, here, somebody sent this in.

Yet again, Maddox. You prove yourself to be nothing but. a sheltered, jacketless, sandal wearing, Greek-loving, you know, a nerd. You don't even know how voice to text actually does work. Both of you are wrong.

Take your phone, Maddox, your Android phone that you love so fucking much. Turn on text to speech, speech to text, and send a text message. Start talking into it. Google's technology works fucking great. Jesus, you're stupid. Love your dick.

Bye. Okay, so I'm gonna, Google works great. I'm gonna read you what Google Voice thinks that guy just said. Okay. Okay? Yet again, next year, prove yourself to be nothing. But I, shelters, jacket, list, sandal wearing, regarding you know it, nerd. In this, you don't even know, I'll voice to text actually does work.

I got that part. When you were wrong, hey, just calling back through Android phone that you're a also much sort of text to stay, she's spatial text and send a text message start walking into it. Google technology works great. It got that part.

Gene, this your stupid love, you, Jeff, bye. So thanks for... You fucking idiot. What a slam dunk, Ginkmasterson. Oh man, that's my favorite. Yeah.

Fuck you, idiot. I thought you would like that. Moron. Yeah, Google voice recognition works great. That's why half these voicemails you guys send us get translated to garbage like that. It's just garbage. It's just garbage. I got some fan art.

This one's from Gore Pump. Did you see this one? I did, yeah, Gore Pump. Yeah. He did a pretty good job. I think you look better than I do, even though your forehead looks like it's about... I look better in his picture than I do in real life. Yeah.

Even though your forehead's about to burst. Your forehead looks like there's like a huge bump on it. And then me, my eyes are so far wide apart. I look like an alien gray. Yeah, you do. You're like a frog man. Yeah. All right.

Still better than, you know, I gave that an F plus. It's pretty good. Better than most fan mails. Someone else sent it. Rob Hyde. That was Gore Pump. This is Rob Hyde.

I don't know, but I don't like this one. I got a tiny face again. Oh, yeah, this one's great. This one's very accurate. It says the biggest problem in the universe. I'm drawn like a pirate and I'm really angry and I have what on my shirt, a street fighter Alpha II shirts.

And then you have this tiny little face. I think it's pretty accurate. Well, they fucked up the mics. Everybody always fucks up the mics. Yeah, it was pretty great. All right. You got anything else? Oh, I have a song.

You always want to hear the songs up at the top of the show. So you want to hear the song before the end of the show? Who sent this in? It was. Jacob Sigran. He was struck, he says, hey, Dick, I was struck with a moment of inspiration when Maddox was shitting on listeners for not possessing his intellectual capacity. Okay.

So he made a song about it? Let's hear this. Let's hear this. Speak for yourself. I think our listeners fucked up by voting wrong. Idiots. They don't have the intellectual capacity that I have. Intellectual capacity that I have.

Intellectual capacity that I have. Intuitive. As a math guy, I was a math major in college. 0.01% of people get AIDS. Is that can't possibly? That is all right. 0.01%? It's 100 of a percent, right?

Yeah, so what is that? One in every 10,000 people? No, more than that. One in every 100,000. And he always think as a kid that that having sex with a prego would be awesome. Because then you got the baby in there, and you're like, ah, you're poking the baby too, right?

Yeah, man, I can't wait to grow up and I'm going to bang a chick. You know, you're banging both. That's two for one. Really? Really? Really? Um, I failed my driving, my written driving test. All right. Five times. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um.

That there you go. What an asshole. What an asshole, indeed. Okay. You want to get to the problems? Yeah, Dick. This week. If you're just tuning in, each of us brings in a problem or two sometimes, if we have enough time for it. Yeah, decide which problems.

is bigger so that we can find the biggest problem in the universe. All right, here's my biggest problem in the universe. Social justice warriors. Ooh, social justice warriors. It's a mouthful. It is a mouthful. It's a big topic. What does it mean, Dick?

Well, it means a couple things. Here's what you would like it to mean. Here's what they would like it to mean. Young people who advocate for social issues, like equal rights, It's LGBT, whatever, racial diversity. Right. And using their voice online as a form of social advocacy for these groups, right? So this is what it actually is, in my opinion.

It's a group of spoiled kids who use social advocacy as a crutch to vent their rage. That's what it is to me. Have you ever heard the phrase, your rights end where my feelings begin? Yeah. You've heard that. Yeah. I always thought that was a little much. Like, I thought that's funny that they would say that, but surely that's an exaggeration. I thought it was tongue and cheek. It sounds tongue and cheek.

Right. But what I'm bringing in today is saying that that's, that kind of thinking has breached the Internet and is starting to infect real life. It's breached the whole of the Internet and it's going on to real life. That's the new normal. repercussions. Yeah, that's the new normal. And I would, it's been on my list for a long time, and it's probably been on your list for a long time. I've gotten dozens of emails about bringing in social justice warriors, which would seem like an easy call because like they've basically ruined my opportunities to be funny on the internet. Like ever, ever since I started writing my stupid website, it gets, it's been shut down.

It's been kicked off of every web, online, my Facebook account gets banned, my YouTube videos get deleted, which, and some of them are just me posting voicemails from upset social justice warriors who think that the way to reason me out of my insane ideas is to kill me, right? Yeah. It's not even me saying anything. It's like, hey, this is a bunch of voicemails that I was sent this week. Aren't they funny?

Right. That shit gets removed because people complain about it. These social justice warriors complain. about it. Yeah, it's the death threats go both ways. And I've seen the death threats come from the social justice warrior camp. Now, when I first came across this

phrase, Dick, I saw the acronym SJW, SJW, and I kept seeing it bandied about SJW, SJW, SJW. And I saw it used so much, it's so ubiquitous now that I think that some of it has lost some meaning. When I first looked it up, it said social justice

warrior, and I kind of chuckled. I thought that's a perfect name for these social activists who, Dick, you said they use that to, they push their social advocacy as a way to what? They use that as a guy's. They say they're doing that, but what I really think they're doing is venting rage and bullying people. So I think it's more to bludgeon you with guilt. Yes, yes, exactly. That's what it is. Yeah, exactly. So, as I said, it's been on the list for a long time, and I've dealt with it for, you know, since 2005. As have I, right. Absolutely.

Thankfully, there are a few web hosts who don't care about getting complaint emails and abuse emails. Because they'll email your web hosts and just say you're doing, you're promoting, like, violence against women or whatever they can say to get you kicked off the internet. Sure. Right? You've dealt with it too. I've dealt with it too. Oh, I've dealt with it in very real ways that hurt my bottom line. Right now, my website is blocked on countless web filters due to hate.

speech. Dick, hate speech has a very precise legal definition and is illegal in this country. If you're accusing me of a crime, then fucking take me to court. Because what I have on my website isn't hate speech, you fucking idiots. Just because I say I hate something is different from hate speech. Hate speech is inciting hate or some kind of discrimination against a minority group. I don't do that. Or violence. Or violence. And I'm not advocating violence against any group. That's fucking bullshit. Just because I say I hate something, if I hate Goths, I hate some subculture, I hate Snapchat, I hate Facebook, is

not the same as hate speech, you morons. He hates French fries, too. I hate, well, no. I mean, I'm tired of eating them. Yeah. So, and here's core to the point of why I'm bringing them in. The only thing they want you to do is stop talking. Yeah. They don't care how they accomplish

it, these social justice warriors. They just want you to stop. Whether that means frightening you into stopping, whether it means revoking your ability to speak online or in the real world, whether it means cutting you off at the heel, whether it means getting you fired, they don't care what it takes. As long as you stop talking, they consider their mission of success. Right. They want you to shut up unless your opinion is exactly aligned with theirs. Yeah. So the reason

I brought it in this week is because it happened in threes this week. And in three very different ways, which I thought was interesting, and it made me worried for the first time that this phenomenon of a social justice warrior, these young people aren't growing out of it. Society's growing into it. Like the future is not going to be a bunch of kids who said, like, when I was a kid online, I was a social justice warrior, and now I'm embarrassed about it, because I see how violent it is. It's going to be a society of social justice warriors. Does that make sense? Why I'm bringing it in? Well, okay, but I want to hear the examples that you have from this week.

Yeah. Reddit. You know what happened on Reddit this week? I do know what happened. You do know what happened. Okay. So I get a text for my friend saying, hey, check out Reddit. Your book's about to hit the front page. So I was like, no way, really?

Like, awesome. I go on Reddit. I've posted maybe once or twice, seven years ago. Yeah. But I have the account. So I log in and somebody had found a copy of my book at a bookstore. And they said, manliest name ever, Dick Masterson. Right.

Which, of course it is. because it was made to be. So, I jump in on the comment thread and pitch the podcast. Like, hey, yeah, your goddamn right it is. By the way, I'm doing a podcast with Maddox, check it out. Cool. Yeah.

I got, like, some gold or whatever that is. Yeah. A bunch of comments, people were really excited about it. And it made me think, maybe this is a fun community because all the comments were, like, funny. What was the post? What was the post? The post was a picture of your book?

Of my book, and then comments about, like, the name and comments about the site and people there was there was fans of the podcast in the thread yeah talking about that they enjoy the podcast and uh and and for it was this four chan promoting it to the front page no it's reddit what do you mean it was who's specifically in reddit who sent you this this email why my my friend just a friend of mine from high school sent it to me because he was a reddit he is on reddit yeah but who's behest like usually on redid people the entire community has to upvote something for some specific reason was this just a happen Oh, is a R slash funny.

Okay. It was just somebody submitted it for the name alone. Happens, okay. Yeah, it happened sense. Yeah. So then when I got on there, it got voted up a lot. So I was checking out the little subredits, seeing if we could do like a podcast subreddit or something.

See, like, see how to engage this community. Right. And I stumbled upon, like, what I could, what I would describe as a garden of Eden for me. Like, like the Greenland that Furiosa is talking about going to in the Mad Max movie. Utopia, yeah. Yeah. My utopia. And it was called fat people hate.

Okay. And it was, that's it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I brought in, I first came across that subreddit when I was doing research for my fit shaming problem that I brought in a long time ago. Because fit shaming's a thing that people are doing now. And then I came across, one of the top Google results was fat people hate. And I clicked on it and I thought, oh, this is cheeky. What's going on here?

Yeah, right? It's cheeky. It's very, and it's just like, you. you know, a bunch of assholes being assholes to fat people. They're posting pictures. About fat people. I mean, not to them. About them.

Yeah, none of it was, I mean, they were picking certain pictures of bad people. But they weren't targeting anyone necessarily. They weren't, except for celebrities, of course, which are always fair game. So I said, oh, baby. I want to get with you, right? I'm going to bookmark this subreddit. And I'm going to be back, guys. I'm going to make my home here, right?

I found this is the end of my Oregon. trail. I'm in the Willamette Valley right here. I'm setting up shop. I'll be back. I'll be back. I show up on Wednesday. Subreddit banned. Yep. 150,000 people need to be policed. Subreddit banned. Yeah. Why? Did you happen to go to Reddit or did you hear that the subreddit was banned? No, I happened to go there looking for it and found that it was banned. Sure. So why was it banned for, you know, the nebulous cause of harassment because they want to make

Reddit a safe space for people online. They don't want people to feel unsafe. Right. When they go to their stupid website. Yeah, because apparently your sense of safety can be breached by what people say on the internet.

Right? And even if it's not a specific threat towards you, which by the way is not actionable, unless someone is making a specific threat towards you, there is jack shit. can do and you can't even, you're not even justified in claiming that you feel threatened because you're not. Unless you are specifically threatened, unless you have a specific, actionable threat. And if you do, go to the fucking police. Because if you see mean words

on the internet, guess what? Click away, dip shit. No one's forcing you to watch, read, or see, or hear anything. You don't like the words I'm saying? Turn out the fucking podcast. I don't give a shit. Same thing with Howard Stern. People tried to censor him for years because they didn't like what he was saying. Guys, change the dial. Watch something else. Read something else. You don't have to be subject to these cruel words that you are choosing to ingest. And this is why it's a social justice warrior thing. Because they expose themselves to these ideas on purpose. It's like it's the, it's the height of martyrdom. They will look for pleasure. Like they will seek out, they will seek out that rush of getting insulted, offended, and

outraged by something like this fat people hate subreddit. You know what I'm saying? So I get to thinking, okay, you know, it's a company, right? Whatever they can do whatever they want. You know, however they're running their bottom line. I don't know. Take it up with the CEO. Do you want to hear about the subredits that made the cut that weren't offensive?

Oh, I know some of these. I would like you to read them for the viewer. Okay. For the listener. This is amazing. R slash Coontown. Coontown. Coontown.

Yeah. Yes, from the etymology is from the pejorative coon to refer to an African American. Oh, so this isn't a subreddit for raccoons, like a raccoon family that comes from... No, no, it's horrifying racism. Oh, okay. And racist jokes, you know, that sort of thing. Well, surely Dick Masterson, they thought that it was a town about raccoons and they let that one slip, right? That may be so, that may be so.

So this one is less ambiguous, perhaps. R slash picks of dead kids Okay Well Hold on Hold on Picks of dead kids Now are they like

Dead tired Of course Like if I read that I think they're dead tired Oh you think they're Because no one would possibly post pictures of deceased children So you're saying they must be saying that they're dead tired

I understand why they let that one slip I mean surely this is just a bunch of oversight What else is? All right here's the last one I'll bring in And I love that we didn't set this up beforehand Here's the final one that made the cut over at Reddit. Yeah.

Uh, uh, cute female corpses. Okay. Okay. Talk your way out of that one. Dick.

Now cute is subjective, right? That's about the only part of that. That's subjective. So their, their suggestion is that a, some fat woman who sees her, or man who sees themselves on this fat people hate Reddit, feels more harassed in real life

than someone who's family member or loved one is dead and put up under the context of necrophilia. Yeah. That's the suggestion here. It's purely driven by complaints. Yeah. All of this. That's their power. They drag you down, the social justice warrior. They drag everybody down until everybody says exactly what they want them to say. You know, Dick, this whole phenomenon of social justice warrior kind of hit tipping point for me when the entire GamerGate scandal happened. You remember GamerGate? Oh, yeah.

To refresh everyone's memory, if you're not familiar with Gamergate, it was this huge kerfuffle that happened on the internet. In the gamer, right? Yeah. That's a good word for it. In the gamer community, because they found out that there was this guy who accused his ex-girlfriend of cheating on him with some gaming journalists, and she happened to be a video game developer.

And he accused the gaming journalist of giving her soft reviews, or a little bit of extra publicity for her games in exchange for sleeping with said journalists, allegedly, right? So that exploded on the internet. Everyone started attacking her, and everyone started attacking these journalists websites and so on and so forth. And the opponents, the opposition to the Gamergate scandal,

the people who were telling these people who were outraged to pipe down, were dubbed social justice warriors, right? The people who were criticizing, They would fall in the camp of Anita Sarkesian and feminist frequency and people who were defending the ex-girlfriend of... Okay, I'm a little confused. Okay, what aren't you following?

So, Anita Sarkisian and the feminist frequency, they were telling who to be quiet? The people outraged about this Gamergate scandal. Okay, because there was impropriety over the ranking. So they were like, shut up, don't bully this girl. Yeah, okay. Essentially. they said they were trying to defend

they were saying that these are just trolls and they're vicious and they're misogynist and they're just trying to attack women etc. Okay, right. So these are, these people were dubbed as social justice warriors. And one of the loudest supporters of these social justice warriors

in specifically in this instance, in this era, was Josh, Josh Whedon, is it? Josh Whedon. JOSS. JOSS. Joss Whedon. He is the director of the new, what is it, Age of Ultron

Yeah. The Avengers 2 movie. Yeah, and Buffy and Serenity. Buffy and Serenity and a bunch of stuff. He's an outspoken supporter of online feminist activism. Yeah. Essentially, that's what it is. It's online feminist activism.

They call them Facebook feminists. Sure. So, Joss Whedon was criticized very heavily when the new Avengers movie came out, Dick. But not by the people you would expect. He was criticized by social justice warriors. Oh, because it didn't have enough chick, senators? something like that? Yeah, because he didn't give the women in the movie, enough of a role.

Yeah, and the Black Widow's biggest secret was that she couldn't have babies. Yeah. Like, that's pretty like, all right, I guess if you're gonna, if you want to be friends with feminists, you can't say that shit, man. So, Jaws Whedon was sent a torrent of mean, hurtful,

hateful comments from these people who are supposedly in his camp. Right. Here's some of the tweets, Dick. This is from Call Out Vulture. He said, I will fuck a Joss Whedon shaped Dildo. I don't give a fuck anymore. This one's from Jenny Moller.

I don't know. He's trying to literally objectify Joss Whedon. Oh. Yeah. This one says, Jenny Moller says, we can't even learn her story without it being tied to a man. Fuck you, Joss Whedon. Another one. Let's throw a shout out to Joss Whedon for being a racist,

sexist, and misogynist. So now he's racist, sexist, and he hates women, a self-declared feminist in your camp. And then another woman says, block me ugly. This one says, Alexis, she says, fuck you for

screwing Natasha and Steve's characterization and don't start me on Bruce Natasha. Where the fuck did that come from? Fuck you. Another one says, you're an asshole. Fuck you. That's Vicky, at Boy Princess on Twitter. This one's from Mary on Twitter.

Fuck you, Joss Whedon. You fuck the only female superhero that Marvel has allowed us to have. The Black Widow isn't a fucking damsel. Another one. No, but did you guys notice the rape joke in about I'll fucking kill Joss Whedon. I don't even... I get it. They're awful. But this is the thing. It's the it's the rage. That's the only thing they're expressing. That's the only thing they're ever expressing. They look for for anybody who has any kind of advantage or privilege and they just take the rage out on them. Well, perceived privilege. Of course, of course, of course. And that's

the tool they use to bludgeon you with guilt. And you know what Pat and Oswald said about this dick? this is pretty insightful. Pat Nosswald, when this whole thing happened, Josh Whedon left Twitter, and he claims after the fact, like, oh, it wasn't because of the rage and hatred that I was enduring. Yeah, I just happened to-sack up, you pussy. Of course it was, you fucking pussy. Welcome to the internet, bitch. You fucking coward. So Pat Nosswald said, yep, there is a T-Party equivalent of progressivism slash liberalism, and they just chased Josh Whedon off Twitter. Good job, guys. That's pretty funny. It is a T-Party equivalent. I think that's a very apt analysis. Well, here's who I blame for this whole.

Again, I brought in a couple examples. I did some research into the CEO of Reddit, who's obviously allowed this to happen. Right. Because that's who's responsible for what's going on at your company is the CEO. Right. This chick's name is Ellen Powell. Right. You want to know what just happened to her?

What happened? She filed this big old gender discrimination lawsuit against one of the big VC firms up in San Jose. Her ex-company, right? Yeah. Yeah. So she got brought in as a junior. your executive and she didn't make the cut and got fired. Right.

And her lawsuit was saying that she got fired because of her gender and there aren't a lot of women in the company and there aren't a lot of women in venture capitalism as a whole. What's up? Yeah. And she alleged that she was passed on for raises and promotions. Yeah. So here's a, here's a quote from a female journalist about what her opinions of this bitch, Ellen Powell.

Patricia Sellers and it wrote, I don't know Powell that well, but in 2011, she was on a panel that I moderated. I recall wondering to myself at the time how a woman so reticent and obviously insecure could have advanced so far in fiercely competitive Silicon Valley. I don't know, you think that might have

have something to do with it? That she was insecure and reticent? Yeah. Oh, maybe. In a world of like wolves where viciousness and aggression is tied to achievement? But Dick, I feel like Silicon Valley

should be a safe area for everyone to have authentic discussions, don't you? You see, this is why I bring this lawsuit of hers in, because what I see in social justice warriors is that they will lash out at people, and when they don't get what they want, they lower their sights. So first they attack you, they get nowhere.

So then they attack some kid on Twitter who can't defend himself. Like they go after the more vulnerable people, the lower hanging fruit, until they get that satisfaction of having destroyed someone. So what she couldn't do shit, her case got dismissed. on all four counts, by the way.

Yeah. So what does she do? Goes into Reddit. Immediately starts policing people on Reddit. Immediately starts policing the kind of whatever oppression that she couldn't take care of in real life. Interesting. She starts throwing her weight around on Reddit. Yeah.

She starts bullying people on Reddit. And by the way, Dick, do you want to talk about what's happened to Reddit since these subreddits got banned? Oh, yeah. Now it's full of 150,000 people who are people. Pissed off. Well, specifically... Scattered like the wind. Specifically, what has happened is the entire front page of Reddit has been taking over by fat people hate.

Yeah. It is entirely just memes shitting on fat people, assholes constantly shitting on fat people and posting awful things about not just fat people, but Ellen Powell herself. Yeah. But Dick, to play a small... And, you know, I'm with you on this problem, but to play small devils advocacy here. Some of the subredits they banned were transphobic, and they were. had one that had the N-word in the title.

What would you say about those bans? Well, I'm against anything that limits speech. Hmm. And here's, okay, I'm sorry. What do I think about it morally or what do I think about it from a company standpoint? From their standpoint, should they have banned those. No, I'll tell you why they shouldn't have done it as a company, because when as a company, you suddenly decide that you're policing your boards, now you're responsible to police them

all the time. Like, in my opinion, if you just let... it run rampant, you say we have a zero tolerance policy against harassment and threats. That's one thing and you police that. But when you say you're just knocking out a whole board based on, like, based on the vibe that you get from it, then you're assuming responsibility for policing the entire site. Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. And you're encouraging those complaints. Like, if 20 complaints got a board shutdown, you just increase the number of complaints you're going to get by like several orders of magnitude.

You open the floodgates, and that's what people are doing right now. They're saying, well, why the double standard? Why aren't you banning this for him? Why aren't you banning that forum? But it's also interesting, Dick, that you don't have such problem with Facebook, which is far more egregious in their censorship. Because you defended Facebook a while back. Yeah, what do you mean?

They're far more egregious in their sense. And I think Facebook censorship is a problem. It's way worse than Reddit. Facebook, first of all, tolerates no nudity. They don't tolerate any outrageous opinions. Yeah, I don't like that. I mean, they banned you on Facebook. Yeah, I'm totally banned.

Yeah. But, you know, it didn't just happen. Like, this isn't like, uh, okay. Facebook is a, I think it's kind of a different animal, because it's not a public bulletin board. Right. Facebook, like, encourages your private spaces. Go ahead.

Yeah, no, I mean, neither is, neither is Reddit. It's still a private company. So I would, I would encourage you all to vote up Facebook as a problem. It's essentially what I'm getting at here. All right. So I got another one. I want to get... Oh, so this chick Ellen Powell.

Yeah. She also instituted a policy of forbidding employee negotiations. Yeah. Yeah. And you know why she did that, dear? Yeah, because men are better at negotiating their starting salary. Well, it's not that men are better. It's that men do it more often.

Women, for a number of reasons, don't negotiate for their salaries. Yeah. And there's a study. I talked about this in my wage gap video. Sure. The reason women don't negotiate for their salary is pretty complex, but they found in one study in Sweden that when they told women that they could ask for arrays and they use that specific word ask, as opposed to negotiate for arrays, the wage gap discrepancy disappeared entirely. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, because women, for some reason, are more privy to the word ask than negotiate.

Yeah, they're more receptive. Yeah, they're more receptive to the word ask than the word. That makes sense. That's why I phrased it Ask for a raise in the solutions episode. It doesn't always have to be a conflict. See, that's not why, Dick. Don't fucking take credit for you.

That is. That is why. That is definitely why. You didn't know about that study, Dickhead. Okay, I got another example of this. Spilling over into the real world. This phenomenon. Remember, did you hear what Seinfeld said he doesn't play colleges

because they're too PC? Yeah. They just throw around terms like racism and sexism to, essentially to attack you. And that's not what he said, but... Right. And people called him racist and sexist. misogynist. This, this jackass kid posts an open letter to Seinfeld on the Huffington Post,

where he describes comedy to Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah. I can't imagine how horrifying, how mortifying that must be. And he's sitting there congratulating himself, like he did a good thing. He's explaining to Jerry Seinfeld the brilliant comedy of Amy Schumer. Yeah. Like, where do you Get off. This is a social justice warrior par excellence. Like this thinking, grown, once he's out of college,

is exactly what this, what has become of this stupid bitch that ruined Reddit. Ellen Powell, they're calling her general, General Powell. Yeah. You know, so this guy, Jerry Seinfeld comes out

and says that he's not going to do college circuits anymore because it's two PC and he gets in trouble too much for just, like, workshopping jokes. which is what comedians do all the time. And then this guy comes out and does exactly what Jerry Seinfeld. Immediately offended.

Is accusing colleges of doing, which is being offended. You guys are fucking obsessed with being offended. You get this righteous indignation. It feels good to feel offended. You want to point your finger to somebody and blame them for something. Oh, God, please let me just blame somebody for my anger. That's what I want. I want to feel righteous indignation.

That's exactly what this comes down to, and fuck you for feeling it. You know what I think it is partly? As I go on as righteously to it. But you know what I think it is seriously? It feels good to point out when something is broken, like when there's some kind of injustice happening. Right. Like a legitimate one. Sure.

It feels good to point that out. And I think that these kids just want that rush of having pointed it out. Like everybody wants to be the one to point it out. So now it's like a dog pile. And I don't think you can fix that behavior because they've got nothing else to do. Like they don't have jobs. They don't have to study anything

because their degree's a joke. Yeah. You know? This is a much, much bigger discussion, Dick. And I think the root cause of this problem here is another problem, which I'll bring in at some point. But it is, essentially, I'll just summarize it here. I think it's a lack of a cause.

and in times of war We have a cause We have a common enemy And we know who that is And we are all united in defeating that enemy But today life is good So good that we don't have enough problems to bitch about So we tried to find ants as one of them

No we got Netflix button dickhead That is a big problem Your problem essentially boils down to pressing a fucking button Maddox Ass It's more than that It's the principle Yeah

It's the principle of the button. I think you're absolutely right. I brought in one more. I'll go, oh, God, maybe it's kind of a rough topic, so maybe I'll skip it. You know, remember the mattress girl? I think you brought her in. Yeah. That woman, or that college girl that accused that guy of raping her, and then he didn't.

Then he had like 300 text messages from her after their sex act. Yeah. Of her, like, falling in love with them and shit. Right. She made a porno. Did you know that? Yeah. She made a porno of her, of the alleged abusive act, of the alleged, of the alleged.

alleged, I don't know what you call it a rape. Is that what? She alleges a rape, yeah. Yeah, and it was really bizarre to watch. It was called like, nese, nese, pa, un viol. Whatever that, this is not a pipe. Sean, what's that this is not a pipe painting called? It's called, this is not a pipe. Yeah, but what's the French, would you know how they say it in French?

No. Me either. All right, so this is not a violation. And it's like a really bizarre meta, art project and social justice wariering. Warrioring. Her mom is promoting it on Facebook. Great. Her mom's promoting a daughter banging a big fat guy. Yeah, and by the way, this video...

So, you know, I watched it. Of course, everyone... Of course I did. A lot of people. Yeah. Okay, what's going on here? It's a porn. Couldn't even get half a chub to it. Because she said that this was not rape. This video was consensual. and that it was an art piece. So I watched it as she intended her viewer to watch it. And then she asked a whole bunch of, like, level one college grade questions. Yeah.

Like critical thinking thought piece questions. Yeah. You know? And like asking, like, how did this make you feel? Do you feel like you participated in my rape? It's like no. No. Absolutely not.

I felt like I watched an amateur porno. With two ugly people. There is much more convincing rape fantasy porn out there. This isn't even, this is like amateur, this is too amateur for amateur porn. Yeah. And the guy, nothing about it is believable. The guy takes his con him off. First of all, it's somebody, it's this guy that she trusts enough to bring back to her apartment.

This guy comes in, she blows him, and then this guy... And that's where it goes downhill. Yeah, this guy starts to get a little bit rough with her. And she's no stop. And I believe during the video at some point, she says, uh, choke me again or hit me again or something like that, which,

which is really confusing. Yeah. Because why would you say that, allegedly? Yeah, uh, basically, the bottom line is, this video pisses me off because it trivializes rape. Yeah? It trivializes it and mischaracterizes rape.

It's not an art piece. No, it's not an art piece. It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be an art piece. No. Don't, don't fucking trivialize this crime that traumatizes men and women. Yeah. into this art piece that is bullshit and done for no other purpose than self-promotion.

Yeah, and that's the mentality of these people. It's self-promotion for the sake of like self-immolation, self-abuse. Yeah. And they're proud of it. They're all martyrs. Speaking of mattresses. This episode is brought to you by Casper. Oh, Jesus.

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Fuck them. Casper is revolutionizing the mattress industry by cutting the cost of dealing with resellers and showrooms and passing that savings directly to the consumer. How's your bed? Great. I still have that coma sleep

that I was talking about, Dick. Really? When I go to sleep on this thing, it's like one solid piece. It's continuous. I don't stir at all. To the point where I might wet my pants. Because you don't want to get up or because it's so comfortable. Both.

I don't want to get up, and I can't. I think it immobilizes my body. Well, it's got just the right sink and just the right bounce. It really does. That's a good way of putting it. I wish I had one. I don't have one. Two technologies come together for better nights and brighter days.

latex foam and memory foam if you banged any chicks in that bed Dick all the chicks all the chicks I've been banged in my cat the casper mattress and if you want to see a mattress

come out of a box oh baby you gotta see this Casper mattress come out of a box I've seen mattresses come out of a box before but nothing like this Casper mattress We did a whole episode about it Yeah which people complain about

Hey Maddox why don't you talk about the mattress Because Dickhead we just got it okay They cost between $500 for a twin-sized mattress, $750 for full size, $8.50 for a queen-size, and $9.50 for a king-size. There you go. Go to casper.com slash biggest, and a promo code biggest. And what do we get? $50 for a king-size, right? Yes. So $9.50 for a king-size. If you put in the promo code, that's $900 for a king-sized mattress, which is an amazing deal. I remember the last king-size mattress I got was from a mattress store. and the guy tried to show us to upsell me to the most expensive mattresses, $2,400, $1,800, $1,600, $1,600. Finally, I'm like, whoa, whoa, what's that mattress leaning against the wall?

He goes, no, no, you don't want that. I said, well, what's wrong with it? He goes, well, you know, a mattress is like, you know, like car tires. You get a crappy mattress. You got to replace it in three years. Yeah, bullshit. I slept on that mattress. It was a spring mattress, though, man, and it did wear down pretty quickly.

But I slept on it out of spite. I had springs poke in my back And I was like, fuck you, man This is why we have the best ads Absolutely nothing to do with Casper So what I'm saying is though Casper doesn't have those problems And it's cheaper than that

That mattress I paid, it was like 900 bucks For a shit mattress. You're gonna get one Way better from Casper. Cool. Dick, let's get to the real biggest problem. Okay. Soy. Soy.

Stupid. Soy. Soy, soy, soy. Ever notice how men who eat soy seem like they have less testosterone and higher estrogen levels, Dick? Yeah. That's because men who eat soy have less testosterone and higher estrogen levels. That's a fucking fact. A study in the Oxford Journal of Medicine and Health found that out of 99 men in a study,

the ones who had the highest intake of soy-based foods had a lower sperm concentration. The sperm count remained significant even after accounting for age, abstinence time, body mass index, caffeine, and alcohol intake, and even smoking. How'd they get all that soy? They were just eating it. They were just eating soy? A lot of them were, I mean, not just soy product. They were drinking soy milk.

Well, I'll tell you, I cut out soy protein when I heard about this estrogen thing that you're talking about. Yeah. Because I used to drink like a lot of protein shakes for weightlifting, and I don't want tits. Right. Yeah, well, it's interesting, Dick, because muscle builders who use soy. protein have a significant amount more of the protein wasted, and it contributes to less protein synthesis in the body. Soy protein is cheaper than whey, or what's the other one, casing?

I don't know. I don't know. No way. Well. Anyway, it's cheaper, so that's why some people, especially, here's the thing. If you want to be a vegetarian or vegan, you're never going to be a muscle builder. And they keep trying to, every now and then, every, like, once every 10 years, like, clockwork, there will be some vegan or vegetarian muscle builder who comes out.

He's just like, oh yeah, I'm a strict vegan. Look at my muscles. And first of all, he looks nothing like professional bodybuilders. No. He's more musly than average. But he looks nothing like these other guys. It goes, well, it's totally possible. Well, yeah, of course it's possible, but I don't want my dick to shrivel, asshole. Yeah, I also think you're on steroids.

Like, let's cut to the chase here. I think you're a liar. Yeah, okay. Well, this is from men's health. There's a retired helicopter pilot who flew in Vietnam named James Price, real manly guy, right? He told men's health that he's grown breasts And that they've become painful and swollen As if gumballs were implanted underneath each nipple

Yeah, it's awful He says it's to the point now Where he can't even wear T-shirts Because it's so painful and embarrassing Mad Dog Murdoch's grown tits Yeah It's a real shit Wait is that from...

Mad Dog, the helicopter pilot from the A-Team From the A-Team? Oh, okay, from A-Team, yeah He's got tits Well, he said men aren't supposed to have breasts It was like my body was feminizing His beard growth slowed His sexual desire disappeared

And he stopped getting morning erections Oh Yeah, stopped getting morning wood He said, my penis was so flaccid That it looked very small in comparison With the way it used to be Even my emotions have changed He said he was becoming much more sentimental

After drinking soy He'd break down and cry during sad movies Oh my God And he said he started to enjoy the company of women Like he hadn't before Oh, that's a big red flag I'd go straight to a hospital if I ever enjoyed the company of a woman. Yeah, well, I'd be surprised.

I'd be surprised Dick. He said he was diagnosed with gyno cymbastia. Enlargement of the breasts? Yeah, gyno. Yeah, the abnormal enlargement of the mammary glands in men. His estrogen levels were eight times higher than normal in a typically healthy man and even higher than levels in a typically healthy woman. So he talked to his doctor, and they would,

were they were racking their mind, their brains, like trying to figure out what was going on with this guy. Finally, they started looking at his diets, uh, at his diet when they were at a loss for explanation. So they found that he grew up drinking soy milk and put soy on his cereal. And he was lactose intolerant, so he switched to soy milk and it had become his favorite drink after his wife passed away. He drank about three quarts of soy every day. And then started developing the symptoms. And did you know, the 85% of people, according to a survey in 2008, thought that soy was healthy, but many couldn't explain why. When you talk about soy to people, everyone says, oh, yeah, soy's healthy.

So it's healthy. Oh, soy, it's natural. Comes from the earth must be good for you, right? So, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Let me ask you this. Yeah. This is an important question. Synthesizing this data that I've just learned.

Yeah. If you trick your wife into drinking soy milk every day, will she get bigger tits? It's possible to convince her, like whatever, your girlfriend? I don't know, man. If a guy can grow tits, imagine... Well, it increases her levels of estrogen, and that's not necessarily a good thing. Oh, okay.

Because estrogen is a hormone that with it comes a big bundle of baggage. Oh, yeah, the crying in the movies. The crying in the movies, right. Which, if there was something that you could give people to not cry during movies, be a millionaire. It's five across the eyes. Package it, buddy. You want some popcorn?

Take Masterson's five across the eyes. It's a can that you open. a hand comes out of nowhere and just left. Well, let's see, let's see. I'll have the small popcorn, I'll get a large, Mr. Pib, and give me a five across the eyes.

Five across the eyes for the ladies, sir. Yeah, for the lady. And one for the kid, across his mouth. So this is the foundation of most vegetarian and vegan diets, soy. And supposedly, it can reduce the risk of heart disease

according to an FDA study from 1999, but unfortunately, soy also has side effects. In large doses, soy can increase the risk of cystic fibrosis. Soy milk can interfere with the way children with cystic fibrosis process protein, which is really dangerous. What is that?

What organ is that? The heart, the butt, what's cystic fibrosis? That's a real question. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I don't know, man. Okay. It's one of those things.

It'll fiber your cysts. Yeah. So if you like your cis, don't drink soy. Well, it's terrible. I know that people who have it aren't happy with it, so I don't want it.

Okay. Yeah, it's one of those things I always hear about. It's like, okay, I don't want it. I don't want it. It's like Tasex disease. It's terrible. Which I think it may be related because it inhibits the way that proteins are supposed to function in your body. Like in Tazac, I think Tazac disease is the one where fatty tissue inside your brain keeps growing as a child.

Well, it stays in your brain, and the proteins that are supposed to dissolve it never accumulate properly because of a genetic disorder. How come there's no good diseases? Like, oh, I got that disease that just makes your dick grow like an inch every year. Like, pretty cool. Well, they're all like your brain shuts down or your heart explodes or your emotions go out of control. Yeah. I think that's probably why they call them diseases. Oh.

It's nothing good. By definition. What a shitty design. Yeah. Well, you could argue that mutations that favor us genetically, like strength, extra strength or extra intelligence might be good diseases, maybe. Yeah, I want that disease. Yeah. Well, it also increases the risk of certain types of breast cancer.

While some studies have found that soy can protect against breast cancer, other studies have found that soy feeds certain types of breast cancer. It also increases the risk of endometrial cancer. Long-term use of soy might increase the occurrence of pre-cancerous changes in the uterus. Endometrial means the outside of the uterus. It increases the risk of kidney failure. Soy contains a large amount of the chemicals called oxalates. Oxalates are the main ingredient in kidney stones.

How bad is it? Is this for real? Soy is really this bad? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. It's pretty bad. I mean, here's the thing. If you eat it in small amounts, just about anything is okay.

But the people who eat soy are generally vegetarians and vegans. They eat it in huge amounts. And it can cause some serious problems. Even in Asian countries, when I went to China, people ate soy, but it wasn't the staple of their meal. It was one component of a five-course meal, maybe. Yeah. Well, tofu is soy, right? Tofu is soy, yeah.

So these idiots are eating entire meals of this shit? Yeah. Well, that's their... Way to go. Yeah, that's their primary source of protein. Way to stick it to dad. Yeah, good job. Why don't you dye your hair pink some more, idiot?

While you're dealing with your urinary bladder cancer. Soy might increase the chance of getting bladder cancer. Oh, man. Hyperthyroidism. There's some concern that taking soy may make things worse. It's basically hyperthyroidism means you can understand. You can understand. underactive thyroid. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, which, which it kind of might explain why there's so

many vegetarians I know who aren't... They look fit. Yeah, they're not, they don't look tone, they don't look healthy, they look gaunt, they look sickly. They look doughy. They're weak, yeah, they're doughy, they're weak. Sex of shit. It increases the risk of asthma. People with asthma are more likely to be allergic to soy hulls. Now, this is, this is some, this may touch on something I mentioned a while ago. I think the episode with Whitney when you were talking about allergies. And I said, eat more honey. And I've read various studies that say some, some studies say that it can help. Some studies say that it can't. But I found that there is a specific type of honey called manuka honey. It comes from New Zealand that definitely has some correlation with reducing allergy symptoms.

So if it works, you're selling it at your online store. I can get a Maddox t-shirt and get a MaddoxRools.com and buy my menuka honey. No, but, you know, it can work in both ways. So if you eat too much soy, the soy hulls could inflame your allergies, and if you eat honey, it could, it could try to, it could potentially diminish it, I guess. Hay fever, people with hay fever, more likely to be allergic to soy, and diabetes. This is all from WebMD, by the way, which, you know, WebMD is kind of dubious as a source sometimes, so you might want to double-check some of these claims. So are doctors.

Well, yeah, but doctors are trying. They're not intentionally trying to mislead you, usually. Yeah. Right. So soy might also increase the risk of diabetes. because it lowers your blood sugar, supposedly. You have a risk of having your blood sugar lowered too much. So it's just, the lesson is, don't be weird.

Just do what everyone else does. Don't cram a bunch of, don't be a trailblazer. We don't need to fuck with your diet. Just eat normal stuff. Don't eat too. You're buzzing that. Just be normal. Eat a little bit of this, eat a little bit of that.

Don't eat weird beans. Don't eat 100% weird beans every year. day. Okay, there you go. Specific to diet. I agree with that. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Again, this is from men's health again. There's a doctor, they quoted, Dr. Paul Cook, he found that blood levels of soy are

comparable to those of human infants fed soy formula in mice have a shrunken thymus gland, which is a key part of the immune system. So it can inhibit your immune system. And another study in a journal of American Medical Association found that in a survey of over 800 adults, those who were fed soy regularly

used more asthma and allergy medications in adulthood. So there may be some correlation between soy ingestion. But here's the thing that's really annoying about soy dick is when people take soy and they sculpt it and shape it and form it into other foods that it's not. Yeah. Like meat. Yeah, don't call it a fucking burger because it's not. It's not a tofu burger. It's not a to furkey.

To fuck you. Okay? I'm tired of this shit. Don't call it vegetarian-grade meat Because butchers don't grade their meat In terms of vegetarian standards Because there is no such thing It's not

Why are they allowed to do that? Like if I go get a car They can't say like Oh, it's a sports car-esque van Like you're not allowed to do that with anything else How come they can usurp all the meat terms Yeah For their stupid soy shit?

They don't sell you plant-based cows They don't sell you plant-based steaks This steak is vegetarian-grade steak. Yeah. Because that's misleading, isn't it? Fuckhole. This apartment feels like it has a view of the park. Does it?

No. No. That's illegal. It's absolutely not what you're claiming it is. Yeah. Stop doing that. And it's awful. You can't hint at it either. No.

And soy, Dick, have you had any soy products? Like... Yeah, I've dated stupid chicks. They all want to eat vegetarian? Like, it all tastes like weird peanuts and oranges to me. I got to sit there and eat it and say like, I mean, this isn't that bad, but I just feel like I ate a bunch of air.

Like, I feel like I ate a sponge soaked in honey. Yeah, I feel like I ate a bunch of lies, essentially. Every time I eat soy, it's like, what have I eaten? Am I proud of myself as a man, as a human? Is this what I've evolved? Is this why I fought? My species has fought to the top of the food chain

so I can eat this fucking, fucking bean paste, squares of bean paste? Hey, you know what else? massive subsidies for soy. Yeah. 70% of the value of a soybean is paid for by the U.S. government. Yeah, well...

There you go. So you're paying for it either way. Either way. You pay taxes, you are paying for soybeans. Yeah, it's because we have a huge industry selling soy to Asia, to China and Japan. They buy a lot of our soy. In fact, to the point where we use it as a weapon, we use it as a tool in negotiations and bargaining.

If we ever threaten them with embargoes on soy, they come around. Oh, really? Yeah, for a long time, Japan was trying not to import U.S. beef for some, I don't know, somebody didn't like- Because if we want to, we'll starve your people. Yeah. Yeah, so the U.S. levied some taxes against soy, and I think they finally came around because it got to be too expensive. We kind of have a monopoly on soy in terms of, in terms of distribution, I believe. Because we're paying people to make it.

Yeah. Yeah, it's tough to compare. Pete with the U.S. government. With free soy. With free soy. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Oh, and one more thing. I want to mention this about soy. You know, a lot of vegetarians and vegans have switched to that lifestyle to avoid killing animals. But studies have found when they harvest soy, it kills billions of animals because there are lots of little rodents and critters and snakes and beavers and creatures that build their homes inside these soy fish. fields.

Yeah. And when they get harvested, they get killed. So billions of animals are still dying because of your diet. And the only defense I've heard of this from vegetarians say, well, it's unintentional. Yeah. Yeah. They also say it's less. Oh, it's unintentional?

Yeah. Less, really? It's less. First of all, it's not unintentional. When I bring it to your attention, guess what? You can no longer claim innocence. You can't claim ignorance because I just told you it's happening. So don't tell me it's unintentional because from this day on it is.

And second, less? Well, by whose standards? If I eat one less burger a year, is that enough? Who decides how few animals you can kill in order to be morally righteous, you fuck? Speaking of social justice warriors? Yeah, it is. The level of abstraction that people will let themselves be duped by, like the real life suspension of, I don't know, moral obligation.

It will always be fascinating to me. Because it's like you press a button to do a bad thing, right? But if you tell the person like, well, if you press the button, someone else in another room may or may not press a button, I'm like, oh, I'm fine with pressing it then. Sure. Well, you're still doing the bad thing. Like, why does being one more step removed make you fine with this? How is it possible? It is a very well-documented cognitive bias.

There's a study by the professors, one of his name is a son. And he wrote this about, it's called probability neglect. And it basically talks about how when a problem is abstracted enough, we don't consider it or think about it. So kind of like 9-11 was on the forefront, and everybody wanted to bend over backwards to stop terrorism, which is statistically, probabilistically, zero. Right.

You have a zero chance. It's getting killed by a terrorist. Yeah, absolutely. Zero chance of dying by a terrorist, but a pretty significant chance of getting in a car wreck. Yeah. We are not scrambling to make cars safer, but we are scrambling to make air travel safer

because it was so visual it was right in front of our eyes. When you don't see the problem, it's out of your mind. People worry about things they can see and feel more. They're not worried about the animals that are killing that they can't see. They're worried about their steak

because they see it that it's red meat and that symbolizes that animal. It's just myopic. It's just intentional delusion. You know what? Has anybody ever done a book where they try to live, like they try to live a normal life

with causing the, amount of harm possible? Because you can go be a Buddhist monk. You're not harming anybody. Right. But is it possible to live in society? Like, what steps do you have to take to limit the amount of damage you're doing to third world countries? You know what I'm saying? I think that would be interesting. It's like, what can you eat? Like, well, I'm killing this. I'm killing this here. I'm killing this here. Well, it is interesting, Dick. First of all, there's a branch of and philosophy called the least harm principle. And based on the least harm principle, a professor in Oregon did a study a while back, and he found that with considering the least harm principle, it is, it makes more sense

to eat beef than to eat a vegetarian diet if you consider the total amount of animals that are harmed during a vegetarian harvest. By count versus by pound. Yeah, by count versus pound. It's the more number of lives that are destroyed, that are demolished. And I had farmhands email me, and they say, that's absolutely true. When they, when they pull up a critter inside their harvesters, they're not taking those out of the wheat because they sell wheat by the pound.

They let the processor worry about that. They let the processor... Oh, scumbags. Yeah. They said they've even caught deer in their threshers, and they don't take it out of the wheat because they're just selling pounds of wheat. And however, they sell it doesn't matter. They're just selling volume.

And in fact, there's a strategy. Sometimes they try to harvest early in the morning when the wheat is a little bit dewy, and that dew can significantly increase the amount of pounds they sell to the manufacturer. So they try to process it quickly. Anyway, there's a lot of... And then there's also... There is a movement called the Fruitarian movement, Dick. Now, fruitarians, a lot of...

First of all, people have been pointing it out to me for a long time. Fruitarians are people who only eat fruit. And the extreme fruitarians only eat fruit that has been... That has dropped off of the tree so that they don't... Oh, my God. They don't even harm the tree, right? These are... Harm a tree?

Yeah, these are hardcore fruitarians. And Janists, I believe. Janists are also like this. They believe that you shouldn't walk on grass because you might harm an innocent insect. Okay. So there are people who believe that. And yes, it's annoying,

but I can't really impugn them for hypocrisy because they're not hypocrites. They're the one type of vegetarian or vegan or moral absolutist who is not a hypocrite. Do they wash their hands? What about the bacteria? on their hands. Well, that's a good question, Dick.

Does it have to be an animal? Oh, I don't care. I don't care what they're doing. They don't care about animals they kill that they can't see. That's essentially what it comes down. That's what it is. If you can't see it, it's fine. One more problem?

I'm going to speed through this. You want to end it here? Yeah. You know what? I'm not going to take credit for this one, but I want to bring it in. This will be a joint problem. Sure. All right?

All right. Because it's Father's Day. This weekend. Did you know that? No. It's Father's Day. Shitty dads. Shitty dads is our problem.

For Father's Day. Because, and this is why, because it's real easy to, I think, I think, not being a dad, I think it would be real easy to be a shitty dad. Like, you bust your ass all day to make money for these fucking little kid monsters that you got. Yeah. And they never appreciate it. No. Like, I remember being a kid and having no conception of having to trade half of your life

to support these ungrateful little spawn. that you got basically fucking around all day watching cartoons and doing nothing. Wait, Dick, that sounds like a shitty kid problem, not a shitty dad problem. All kids are shitty. Oh, they don't know anything. They know nothing. They contribute nothing to society. They don't help you at all.

They don't even say thank you. They're just petulant little assholes. That's what kids are. I think it would be so easy for a dad, like, using myself as an example, if I cover a bar tab, I'll slap my credit card down and go, all right, now I better get some respect that of you motherfuckers for the whole evening. Yeah.

Because you see the card there, you know, I want everyone having a good time, but I also want some respect. You can't do that as a dad. You never get that luxury as a dad. Everybody is a fucking asshole all the time. Yeah. Dick, why did you shit on my problem of babies, the germ

of kids? Matt, can you concentrate on the dad thing? No, I can't get over the fact that I have been ranting about kids and babies specifically for years and you've been ranting about kids now for what minutes minutes now yeah yeah yeah that's the nature of being a father yeah you can't just say kids are you can't say babies are the problem uh they're not a problem because they get something out of it i don't know what dads get out of it but i hope it's worth it what dads get out of what children fuck if i know the whole thing the whole thing i don't know

and it would be so easy to just say ah fuck you guys i'm gonna go i'm gonna go do my own thing you find get a lawyer hunt me down you know but they don't That's why I'm saying they don't, and God bless him for that, because the whole world would be fucked if it was full of shitty dads. Well, there are a lot of shitty dads. If there was more, we would be even more fucked. I totally agree with you. Yeah, I agree.

I agree with that. I think dads probably have kids because they just, at some point, and some of the dads actually want kids. I don't know why. I don't know why you would want kids. I don't understand why you'd want to bring this little monster into your life. Maybe to bring an heir for your fortune. Could be?

Mortality? Yeah, Rupert Murdoch? Like to live vicariously through your child? Rupert Murdoch is stepping down as the head of News Corp. Yeah. And his son is taking his shoe, is filling his shoes. Congratulations. Creating his dynasty.

There you go. Inherited wealth. This kid who didn't build this empire, who just inherits it, doesn't know shit, except his dad, who has such an ego. He wants his spawn to continue down this legacy. Well, I think maybe that's core to all of it. Like, oh, you're passing something along when you have a kid, right? Even if it's your teachings, something that's core to you.

You would hope so, but look at Tom Hanks' kid. What's wrong with him? You know, have you heard that video? The Tom Hanks kid, I believe it's Tom Hanks. Colin Hanks. Yeah, no, not Colin Hanks. He has another kid that you don't hear about. Oh, really? Satan Hanks?

His brother. I've met Colin Hanks. He's a cool dude. Yeah, that's what I thought you were shitting on that guy. No, not Colin Hanks. Colin Hanks is a cool dude. but he has another kid, Colin Hanks' brother, who is like a white rapper? No lock.

A wannabe. Backwards. Not no lock, Hanks. No, he's a rap. Oh, God. Yeah. The most spoiled upbringing. Be the son of Tom Hanks, right?

Yeah. I mean, you would hope so. Like, the nicest movie star there is. Chester Hanks is the guy. Chester Hanks. I get to play this. Yeah, I can't find it. Anyway.

What was it? Well, here. It's a song, it's a song, it's a song, Tom Hanks' son has, where he drops the N-word liberally, and he talks about, yeah. Good for you, kid. Yeah. Oh, my God. And he talks about how he's allowed to use it as a white guy, as a, as Tom Hanks's kid. Do you have it?

Why? Because it's hip-hop culture? Yeah. Is that his reason? I guess, I guess. You know, I don't understand. It is. I'll say it.

I'll say it. I don't care. No, you will not be saying it, Dick. You will not be saying that on the show. Yeah, he has some quotes. I'm trying to find these quotes. Okay, I found a quote by Chet Hanks. Oh, Chet.

Yeah, it's Chester, Chester Chet. He calls him Chet Hanks. Chaz Hanks. What does he got to say about hip-hop? Yeah, he says, two types of people in this world. I love, whenever anybody starts a sentence with that, it's like, yeah, it's assholes who say that. and everybody else. Yeah, well, he says,

those who know exactly what it is they want and are doing everything they can to get it, and those who just wander aimlessly through life because they are scared to death of failure. I've lost a lot of so-called friends, cuz Cusey. They turned out to be the second, fuck y'all, hating ass, N-words. I'll never stop chasing my dreams.

This is Chaz Hanks. Tom Hanks's son said that? Are you sure? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, you know what a shitty dad would do? Just abandon that kid, right?

I mean, you look at him, you're like, oh, dude, how, you can't just fix that overnight. Yeah. He's got to just say, all right, you're doing your thing, you're finding your own way, I pray to God that you'll get over this phase of acting like a complete jackass. Oh, oh, hang on, hold on, I forgot to add. Hashtag one life, one God, one love. Great. hashtag one life

one god one love yeah uh very inspirational you can put that on a t-shirt I can almost see like one of those those beams floating around on the internet with Martin Luther King where he says fuck y'all hating ass and words

I'll never stop chasing my dream yeah it's like Jaden Smith yeah so would you say Tom Hanks is a shitty dad I mean look at here's the thing Dick how do you define a shitty dad because Tom Hanks has raised two sons he may have other children I don't

though, but he has two sons. He has Chet Hanks and Colin Hanks. Colin Hanks, great dude. Super nice. He has his own acting career and he's ambitious, right? Chet Hanks, on the other hand, is... Sounds like kind of a jackass. Kind of a little jackass. What if it works out for him, though? A little bit of a thug. You may.

You don't know. You don't know. I mean, his albums aren't doing too hot. People aren't crazy about him. He's got to find his voice still. You know, it took George Carlin a while to find his voice. Yeah. Well, he made a music music video where he drove around LA and just recording himself on the street with his friends while he's singing his song, his rap songs. No clearance, no, you know, no production quality,

no staff or anything like that, just his buddy holding a GoPro essentially. I don't think, I don't think that's the worst you could do. Yeah. As a dad. Is Chas Hanks. No, Chas Hanks. He's not, you know, he's not so, I kind of get, I kind of, everyone's kind of jumping down his throat, but I kind of get it is hip-hub culture. He's basically like Eminem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's funny. Just funny. Because it's like, dude, your dad's Tom Hanks. You can't. What are you thinking? But there are other examples, Dick, where parents can do everything right and raise two kids.

One of them turns out to be great. The other one turns out to be a fuck-up. So how, at what point do you then turn and say, okay, the culpability is on this father for doing a poor job? What do you mean at one point? I blame it on them the whole time. It's always their fault. Well, they did something. I know what happened. That kid had a different need. I've said it before on this show, though. Oh, okay.

You can't, like, saying that they raised them both the same way is impossible, because there's no control. The kids take up a amount of your time, which is finite in and of itself. Dick, I feel like there's an air of disingenuousness with this problem that you brought in because you don't have a shitty dad. How can you possibly relate? Huge advantage for me, not having shitty dad. Yeah.

Leg up. You got the leap in life. Yeah. How can I relate to this problem? Yeah. Well, gosh, I don't know Well, I guess that's unfair Because there are a lot of problems

We begin to the show that we can't necessarily relate to directly But indirectly, we can empathize Seems like it could be a big positive force that would be missing Yeah Seems like a lot of these people are pissed off at their dads That are acting out Yeah, I can't relate necessarily to this problem either My dad, my dad's great

My dad's not a shitty dad Although not a big talker Doesn't like to talk much Even better Yeah, it's great. All right, that's it. Yeah. All right, Dick, my problems this week,

well, my problem this week was soy. My problems are social justice warriors and shitty dads. Hey, guys, rain from Austin Conn again. Maddox, your problems from episode 56, honor killings, great problem. High heels. Bullshit. Like, what is that? That's not even a problem.

I'm Sean. I think they're sexy. It's like a magic potion that turns a seven into an eight. I don't even know what your problem is. I think you're just all fucked up because he didn't have sex in high school. Ah, great. Seriously, buddy, you really missed out on that. That's a bummer.

Missed out on that sweet, sweet fruit that is high school. Anyway, get raped. Who started that? What an asshole. that guy doesn't know shit about anything first of all you think high heels are so sexy why are you wearing him all the time hmm why is that guy wearing him all the time

they're not like a magic potion that turns a seven into an A dude that's why they wear them they turn like a seven into a 7.1 that's still the scale is logarithmic so that's a big jump well I don't know man a 7 and 7.1 to me is a

toss up oh you got this uh it's not too not too bad we're talking about like fives And by the way, the ones who are wearing them who can't are the fives. They're the ones who put the high heels on. Their feet start to egg, and they take them off early during the night. I don't know about that.

Hey, what's up, guys? This is Pope Francis, calling from Vatican City. I'm just responding to Dick's claim a couple of episodes ago that sex in high school is the best sex you'll ever have. Well, according to Kinsey Institute, which studies sexual research, a woman is least likely to orgasm, the younger she is, and the least likely, Tom, is under 20. And simultaneously, a guy is most likely to experience premature ejaculation when he's, guess what, under 20. So Dick's idea of amazing sex is when a girl doesn't come at all, and he comes quickly. So, you know, I'm going to read a chapter of the Bible, John Chapter 518, and Jesus spoke

on to the people. Just go fuck yourself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's in the Bible. Read it and weep, sucker. Yeah, that's right. Chicks in high school, chicks under the age 20 generally don't have orgasms. They don't understand, they haven't had enough experience.

They don't know their bodies well enough. And they've just had sex with a bunch of bozos, like you dick, in high school who don't know what the fuck they're doing. Well, all right. If that's what the research says. Science says that. That's what science says. I'm seeing a third voicemail because I just realized that Maddox will never find pregnancy as a problem because you cannot get a bag of sand pregnant.

Way to go, buddy. Fuck off. There's a follow-up to that one. Somebody else, though. Hey, guys, this is a bag of sand. I just wanted to call and apologize tomatics For getting my content Stuck all over up inside his vagina

It's clear from listening to him, bitch, about tiny little non-problems Oh yeah, me He's aggravated and irritated His tender, tender lady's skin Oh, so I was a big problem What? Soy That soy was a big problem, asshole

This piece of shit calling me I'm tired of the bag of sand comments And by the way, I forgot what Star Lord thing came from? Why are you guys calling me Star Lord? I forgot why. Oh, somebody called in and said that you sounded like the kid Quill at the beginning of the movie who was like immersed in this virtual world and he didn't understand what was going on with his mom. Yeah. And so he said, that's you, Maddox. You're the Star-Lore. I'll wear that with honor, my friends. And I grew up to be an intergalactic space pirate. Fuck you. That's cool.

Who goes on cool adventures that are fun to watch, right? Yeah, they're not fun. All right. Fuck you. Oh, this one, I give this kid an A for effort, but he has to work on his material. Hey, guys, how's going?

This is Dick's nephew. Although I'm only like a week old, I just wanted to chime in on episode 56 and agree that frankly does fucking suck me. I was in there for nine months. Shit blows. You know, constantly poking the head

every Wednesday and Friday night really hurt yeah so fuck condoms and vote up abortion yeah oh my word dick cool yeah vote up abortion

you got tired of getting poked in the head dick give a kid brain damage all that prego sex smart