The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 63

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe, the show where we discuss every problem in the universe from ants to AIDS. With over 3.5 million downloads, this is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of problems. With me is Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? And shot our audio engineer. Oh, fuck up.

Perfect. It was so perfect. Loops. First problem. So, we have also in studio today with us, is a good friend of ours, Austin Blank. Friend of the show, welcome Austin Blank. Oh, hey guys, thanks for having me.

Super high energy. All right, happy you're here, Austin. Good job, Austin. Hey, let me clear up a misconception first before you get any further, because I know people are going to bring this up in the comments. We had an episode a while ago, guys who need to get laid. Oh, what the... No, no, no, no, no.

And I was telling a story about a guy who was cock-blocking me like it was part of a scavenger hunt. This is the cat and fiddle story. Yes, yes. And Baby Hugh. and Maddox you mistakenly thought I was talking about Austin and we didn't clear that up at the time but I want to say that this is it was absolutely not Austin we were talking about different guys I encourage people to have sex all the time

you absolutely do that's what I do yes Austin if you guys have seen my Comic Con photos from the previous years he was the slave Leah and a big baby slave is a strong word what do you prefer indentured servant Dentured servant later. Yeah, yeah. So that was Austin. Also, Austin has been immortalized in one of my books. I thanked him for absolutely nothing in my second book. Because he called me up and we were talking on the phone and he's like, hey man, can I get a shout out in your book? I'm like, no, you didn't help me. And he goes, well, can you, what about that? I'm like, all right, I'll thank you for nothing. And so the very last line in my second book is thanks for nothing to Austin Blank. And immortalized is also a very strong word. Are you going to help him out with this new book? Yeah, I'm pretty much writing the whole book myself, and then he's going to get all the credit for it.

What's it about? Tell us. Well, it's a work in progress, so I can't be giving away the secrets. That's how we get you to pay money to buy the book. Oh, not even a tease, huh? Always the marketer. Thank you, Austin. So last week, guys, the biggest problem was people who don't value science. Our guest, Robin Higgins, her problem.

in number one. It's a second guest win. Followed by trans fats and partially hydrogenated oils, which was my problem. And then yours dick, initiating a conversation came in last, but it was still in the positive territory. Yeah, I think over time that's going to win out, though. Because, like, as more and more of these people who don't value science and people who are too into outrage porn and people who aren't as smart as me and as more as those problems,

come in, it's going to get diluted. And my initiating the conversation is going to go, pshut up to the top ten. I think it's going to shoot up into the exact same range that it's at right now and people will forget about it and never vote. I don't know how the guest speaker goes, but every time you say

people, I just hear you say pee poo. I heard that too. Did you hear people? Can I say that? Well, can you hear this? Is it an appropriate song? How is it inappropriate? Rampin one. She deserves some credit. Okay, first of all, no one wins in the show still. It's not a contest. And second, the, uh, the song wasn't changed to say

Robin. You want me to go back and edit it? Definitely not. I can play it again next week. No, no. Anyway, Dick, I got a comment from Ryan Erbs. Good job, Austin. I got a comment, I got a comment for Ryan Herbs. I'm not sure how to pronounce it. He says, herbs. Okay, well, it's Ryan Irbs. He said, missed opportunity to call the play Deep Space 69. Last time Robin was talking about, we were talking about Star Trek puns and Deep Space 69. I thought that was good.

Yeah. I also got a comment from Daniel E. Warren. He says, Dix asked them about their dad line, his seduction method, in action. And then he linked to that Bill Cosby article. Did you read that Bill Cosby article, Dick? Yeah, what was, I didn't read it.

I just read the headline. Yeah, there's an article basically where Bill Cosby used concerns about a chick's father to seduce them. Yeah, well, you know. Real creepy. I mean, it works. You can use it for good or evil.

Austin, what do you think about that line? Ask girl about her dad. What, you go to a girl at a bar and ask her, like, what's up with your dad? Well, here's the theory. When you're talking to a girl for a little bit, in order to enhance the intimacy between you, in order to deepen the connection, the bond that you're trying to, they're experiencing, you ask them about their father. It's very simple.

Yeah. Very simple. Do I remind you of your father in any way? That's a good way to do it. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about that? I don't know.

Okay. All right. Great. Another great drop in. Thank you, Austin Blank. I got to think about these things. I'll probably come back at the end of the show with an idea about that. Unlikely.

I'm not bad. No, I don't think so. Thank you for absolutely nothing. Yeah. I get where that's coming from now. You just brought up my dad issues and you went really deep in me all of a sudden. I'm like, you know my dad's dead right? And then I just went off in a tangent.

See, Austin, that is exactly why I think it's a bad thing to bring up with chicks. Because if they have either a bad relationship with their father or or no father or a deadbeat father, then it's going to put them in a negative headspace. I think a big problem in life is family. So when you go directly into the family thing, you're kind of like, oh, you used to get beat as a child. Oh, good line, buddy.

Go vote up families, people. I brought in the very first show, Families is my number one problem. Family hits it close to home every time. Yeah, families are awful. Unless you have a good family, which very few people do. Everyone has family issues. Everybody has a problem with some part of their family. Yeah.

They are very cynical. You guys are like a dad is half empty. You've just never had a shitty... You've just never had a shitty family, so you don't know what is... Like, the agony... You open the house of love, Dick. That's rare. And I still live in a house of love.

Yeah, Dick's family's great, but for the rest of us... You didn't move out of your parents home yet? Oh, sorry. Okay. Was that crossing the line? What were you going to say, Maddo? No, I was just going to say that for the rest of us who have terrible, miserable family... A family, a bad family, is kind of like a lot.

lifelong, it's a chronic disease. You can get rid of it. Until they die. And even when they die, it's still more agony, because there are other family members. If they're shitty, they're just going to bicker and pick over the inheritance with you. It's just awful. Can you just ignore them? You can.

Yeah, it's possible, but they'll find a way of getting hold of you. Look at that chick who pretended to be black. What's her name? Dollazal? You know what I'm talking about? Yes, yes. Everyone knows her. Yeah. She tried to ignore her fucking family. She wanted to just go be black in her own privacy

and her family had to just root her out and narc on her. Hey guys, she's a whitey. So you're saying family is a problem because this woman didn't get away with her Scooby-Doo like I'm gonna be a black civil rights leader by tanning herself like Kramer on Seinfeld

and wearing, uh, did she have cornrows or did she just frizz her hair out? Something. So she looked like that? She had curly hair, but look. So her family busted her. She wanted to be left alone. She wanted nothing to do with her family.

I've been contacted by estranged family members who I wanted nothing to do with, and then it turned into drama. It's always drama. They'll find you. Money. They always won. They always won.

They always won't you down for money? Yeah, man. I said, listen, Mom. You're old enough to take care of yourself now. No, multiple family members of mine have hit me up for money. And for the most absurd reason to cover gambling dead or whatever bullshit ass excuse. I don't have to be burdened with. Austin, thank you.

Vote up families. All right. After all that, I'd say it's probably bad to talk to a girl about her father at the bar. Well, I guess me and Bill Cosby are going to go hit up some broads at the bars later tonight. Have fun. I got some voicemails for you. Hey, this is Cintron. I had never heard of the Mark Merritt show before listening to this podcast.

I thought I'd look it up. It was a piece of shit, and I left them a comment saying as much on their iTunes podcast. It's already started. It's right there. There it is. Good. In the way. Good. Very good.

So worth it. Here's another one. Hey, Maddox, you fuck. Why do you give a shit about what I'm on a fucking pour down by fat gullet? You fucking liberal asshole? Why can't I just fucking eat all the trans fats I want to and have a good time and not bother anyone else? But you know, no, no, can't do that. Because you have to know a fucking shit fit over what I choose to eat.

eat. So, why don't you go fuck yourself? Okay. And Dick, want to go fuck yourself too. It sounded like you on the voice recording. Like,

you just like, here's a voice call. You think I made a voicemail to the show? And almost sounded like it. It sounded like a plant. Sounds like a conspiracy dipshit's in the room. It was mostly like. It sounds like that.

So, so first of all, asshole, that wasn't directed towards you. I don't know who the fuck you are or what you're eating. I don't give a shit. as long as it doesn't affect me.

And second, last episode, Dick, you were asking, well, you would hope that when you... Why do you make that face when you do what I was saying? I'm just making my dick face. You're making like a pretentious asshole face. I'm trying to scrunch up my face like an asshole, because that's how what you were saying? You were saying that you would hope

that if you spend more money like at Whole Foods and buy organic, blah, blah, blah, you have a higher chance of avoiding trans fats in some of these things. Sure, yeah. And anything. But, but you also defended fries when I brought in fries. That's like the number one food that has trans fats in it, is fries. Yeah, well, like, so what?

People eat a little bit of fries. Like this guy's saying, just fuck off. Let us eat whatever we want. What's it matter to you? It matters to me when it raises health care costs. Oh, stop with that. Yeah, 20%. We can cut 20% of heart-related heart disease, coronary heart disorders, by simply avoiding trans fats.

20%. Did you read that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Probably out of Wikipedia. Is that a fact? Yeah.

That is a fact from Harvard.edu. I got one more voice. What's Harvard now? Hey, Matt Ops and Dick and Sean. I was wondering when you're going to bring in the problem of teenagers not being able to be 11 to 15. Fuck, shit. We're going to wait.

No, wait for it. I don't know why he put this big pause in. I don't know why I didn't edit it out. This is still playing. Yeah, this is still his voicemails. That was my moment of shame. This guy's a winner. I like it.

Is it still playing? No, no, no, that's it. Okay. All right, I got some fan art. Want to go through fan art? Yes. First one, Ali Hassanin. My name is Ali Hassanin, and I'm an illustrator from Montreal.

I've been a big fan of the show since it started, and I especially love the bonus episodes. He made a couple of paintings for us. You can see more at alihassanin.com. And you can see these on our website, the biggest problem in the universe.com in the fan art gallery, which is there. That's one of me. Oh, wow. That looks incredible. Right?

Oh, my God. You look like a handsome motherfucker. Yeah, I'm about to... Kind of pissed off, though. I'm about to... Yeah, that's the secret of being handsome. It's looking kind of pissed off. Yeah. The nice guy finishes last kind of thing.

Where's the... Where's the face? It's funny you're showing art on a podcast. There's got to go to the website to look it out. There's a lot of good show in the website. Oh, man, that is handsome. I'm about to whip it out and jerk it to myself. That looks amazing.

It looks like an oil painting. Yeah, that's really good. It doesn't look like a real oil painting. Who made that? Ali Hassaninin. Ali Hassanin. And we also have to, Dick, post the fan art section on the website. It's active, but we haven't posted it anymore.

Yeah, it's up, but you can't find the link. Now, this one, this one I'm more upset about. Actually, I'm ambivalent about this one. Which means I have strong feelings both ways on it. It's from Jessica Saffron. Hey, I drew some erotic fan art for you, inspired by your boyhood desires. So you remember last week we were talking about the first things we jerked off to. Yeah.

For Robin, it was Wesley Crusher. Wesley Crusher, right? Will Wheaton. Yeah, for you it was Mary from a video game called Quartet on the second master system. That's sad. It's a sad.

Well, it was 16-bid in the arcade version. Austin. That was my one thing. No, thanks. I'm just, I'm done. See you guys later. And mine was the American Gladiators, specifically Electra and Diamond.

This is what Jessica sends over. It wasn't Nitro and Malibu? Hey, fuck you, Sean. You penis-judging prick. Fuck you. So she sent over this picture of, It looks like, so the two of them are on platforms. Electra and Diamond.

Electra and Diamond. And they have those little jousts. The joust. Yeah, the jouss, right. And then Dick's in the middle with his hand on his crotch. Oh, my dick is in my hand. Yeah, it's tiny. I'm definitely orgasm.

And Dick is getting beat up while he's ejaculating. Well, my arms, my elbow has been broken. Yeah. And these insanely hot cartoon girls are beating the hell out of me with their pugils. sticks. Yeah. Nice use of word there. Yeah. I look beaten and bruise and there's blood coming all over the place. My hair's

flying all over the place. And now I can say, not a lot of people can say this, but now I can say for sure that I've jerked off to snuff porn of myself. You did that. See? It's hot when it looks like you, right? No,

I was looking at the women. I was trying to block myself out. Oh. Yeah. And imagine you were in it again. Yeah. Yeah, but I recognize the outfits immediately. As soon as I open the email. So Jessica also sent me some fan mail from some fan art from last episode.

Here is the fan art she sent me. It's me with Mary from Quartet. Oh, my God. And it's amazing. It looks like, you want to describe this dick? Yeah, you've got Mary from Quartet, I guess that is, making out with some guy with a huge cock. I don't know who that guy.

asshole. It's me with a huge cock, which is accurate. And we have jet packs on. We're flying, and we're shooting aliens. She's shooting an alien with her laser, and I'm shooting an alien with my cum. Ooh. I blasted a hole right through the alien

with my cum. I don't know about these arts. This girl has too much power. She's hot, too. I looked her up on Facebook. Yeah, she's a babe, and her comic is sataninininja.com. Sataninja.com. It's really cool. There's a cameo of yours truly in there. It's really well done. So Jessica turned this around in under a week, Dick. These illustrations are not only really well done, but they're full color illustrations. It's

amazing. Really fast. So yeah, check out Jessica's work. Thank you, Jessica, for that fan art. I got one more piece of art for you. It's not fan art. Joshua Mel Z sent this. Found some knees from deviant art that Maddox would probably want to fuck. Oh, baby. By the way, if you say my last name on the podcast. It's pronounced Mel Z, not Melzzi. Okay, Melzy. I know you will. What do you think about these knees? Remember when you were talking about how hot knees can be? Oh, those are

some hot knees? They look like bums. Well, they're giant tits where knees should be. Yeah, they're not like homeless bumps. The one in the blue looks like testicles. That's really weird, man. Hey, we'll post the pick of these knees. They're like beanbags hanging off where your knee should be. That's, those are sexy

knees. Look, if I was going to jerk off to a body part and they happen to be knees, they would be those knees. The back of the knee or the front of the knee? We went through this. We have. I've been gone a while. No. I got a sound clip. This was a sound grab from episode 60 from Grant Mooney, my

nemesis who made that shitty Titanic song that I fucking hate. But he sent this end. It's pretty funny. Listen to this. Yeah, here. I'll present you first, Sean's. These are really high-quality penis. They're high-quality. Right? All right.

I got a comment from Joshua Hamilton. He says, if you've been missing Maddox's Twitch stream, here's a recap. He quotes me. He says, Contra is such a great game with inventive bosses and, and then he stops. He says, Maddox dies. And he says, piece of shit, garbage game. I'm going to throw this glitchy piece of shit away. And then I keep playing it for another hour.

Then Kaler Seth Kettner says, I'm pretty sure Dick's extra base was sex without a condom. Not sure why it matters since he can just go fuck himself. Oh, that is a good extra base. I didn't think about that. No, the extra base was that you have to flirt with a girl online somewhere, like on Tinder or something, before you even get to meet up with her in real life. Interesting theory. It's like putting the batter's box.

Like, you've got to start performing before you even get up to the plate now. You know what that is? I hate it. It's more like the pitch practice before you go up, or the swing practice before you go up to the bathe's box. Yeah. No, no, no, no, on deck circle. What's the batter's box? Before on deck?

No, the batter's box is what you used. stand in when you are in the game. Oh, I'm sorry, of course. I'm sorry, you're right, you're right. Hey, uh, the batter box is what you call a chick's vagina when I'm through with it. Oh, God. That's a real laugh. He's not even fake laugh for you.

Oh, man, I love myself. That's great. All right. All right. Anyway. That's it. You want to get to the problem? Yeah. Let me get to my friend.

My problem is helping your friends move. Helping your friends move, Dick. Now, you're a, I consider you a good friend. I will never help you move. Never ask me. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, I do not help move. You're a good helper. You're a helpful friend.

Why don't you like helping friends move? I mean, other than the obvious. I mean, I've got 20 minutes of reasons why I don't help people move. But let me just tell you, okay, I've had a truck, a gigantic truck, F-150 since I learned how to drive. A FISO. Right, a FISO. Since I was 16. I wanted it ever since I was a little kid.

I set my mind to it. I worked really hard, and my parents bought it for me when I turned 16. So if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. And ever since then, ever since I got it, what they don't tell you when you get a truck, when they hand you the keys at the dealership, they don't say, listen, kid, for the rest of your life, people are going to be harassing you to help them move their shit because they are too cheap to hire a couple of guys from U-Haul, a couple of day labor. for like 50 bucks a piece to help them move.

And they will attempt to lure you in with promises of a six-pack of Bud Light, or a pizza. Or a pizza. A $12 pizza that I can order on my phone myself. Welcome to hell. That's what they should tell you when you buy a truck, because that's what the rest of your life is. And it's always fucking Little Caesars. It's Little Caesar's pepperoni pizza, which, by the way, if I eat the entire fucking pizza, I still feel like I've eaten one piece.

It's just the worst. The worst pizza. You know who asked his friends to help him move? Who? Hitler. It was called the Holocaust. He asked his friends to help him move a bunch of cheese. That's actually true. I cannot impugn you for that,

you are that bad if you are asking people to help you move. Wow. It is more offensive to ask someone to help you move your home or apartment than it is to try and kiss their girlfriend or wife. Okay. What do you mean okay? I don't know about that. You don't know about that?

You think. If somebody drunkenly tried to kiss your girlfriend or wife or boyfriend? You know, I don't know. I don't know what you do all the time after the show. Or gender fluid partner, we don't want to. Right. Or whatever we're going to be calling that person in 70 years. Because it won't be a girlfriend or boyfriend.

God knows. At least on the air, we won't be allowed to say that. Whatever, if someone tries to drunkenly kiss that person, imagine that amount of rage you have. And this is a friend, mind you. This isn't a strange. A friend who has a history of getting too drunk and doing that. Versus, in the middle of the day, they say, hey, why don't you bust over Saturday morning at 10.30 and help me lift a bunch of stuff, put it in a car, and then I'm going to drive over to my new place and unload it. Well, we'll knock a couple hours.

Four hours. I'm not going to pay you any money. And yes, of course, I know I can hire some people for a small amount of cash and do this. But I want you to do it. I want you to do it. What's more offensive to you? Definitely the kissing of the wife. God damn it.

I mean, easily. That's easily more offensive. However, I'm on board with this. Yeah. It is a huge hassle. Like, fucking, you're moving to a new place, okay? You weren't evicted from your apartment. I can see a scenario in which my friend was evicted from their apartment because they

couldn't pay rent. They're really strapped for cash. They actually need a favor. And that is a true favor. But if you're just fucking cheap. And then they better beg. Yeah. Yeah.

beg and offer sexual services potentially, right? Guy or girl, I don't care. Yeah. You're going to put it on the table. Either way. Put a kisser right on my dong. That's what I expect. But here's the thing, man.

Like, the pizza costs what? 12 bucks. 12 bucks, yeah. Six bags. See, I would throw it up to 40 or 50 because you're buying pizza for multiple guys. Oh, that's true. So you're buying it at least.

Remember, you got to get wings, you got to get some soda. Unless you're a total asshole. A total deadbeat bum. Not the type of bum I would masturbate to that look like knees, but the other kind of bum, if you were that kind of deadbeat bum where you didn't buy drinks and multiple pizzas for the guys who were helping you move.

So, okay, you're spending 30 bucks easily on pizza and drinks, right? Now, are you buying the person with the truck gasoline? Well? Because that's like four or five bucks a gallon. There you go. Depends on where you're going, but ultimately, this whole ordeal is going to cost you easily 40 bucks, right? I would think it would cost more.

Yeah, okay, let's say 40. Let's say 40. 50 bucks. Unless you throw gas in, that's another 50. Because you got to fill up the tank. Yeah, okay. You can't take their truck to the gas station and then put $10 in it. And trucks are gas guzzlers.

Yeah, mine's like 10 miles of the gallon or something. Yeah, so 40, 50 bucks later, what have you actually saved? Because if you hired movers, they'd get the job done in under an hour anyway. I got some stats for you for movers. Yeah. Average interest state move is $1,200 bucks, okay? But, but I think that's talking about, like, huge houses. Like this isn't like moving one apartment to the other.

And that's interstate. No, intra. Oh, intrastate, okay. That means in the same state, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I spent 500 bucks last time I moved. Then I went on Craigslist.

Right. And I found two guys, 45 bucks an hour that come with a truck. Yeah. So if you're saying, so if we're going to knock this out in the afternoon, right? They always say knock this out. Right. You know you're getting fucked when somebody says we're going to knock this out. Oh, nothing's getting knocked out.

Yeah. Come over and dig, uh, come over. come over and build a fence with me. We'll knock it out. Like, stop right there. Dix and ditches. We'll just knock it out real quick. We'll knock it out real quick.

Go fuck yourself. Go knock yourself out. Yeah, I'm going to knock my back out. That's $45 times, let's say, three hours. It was $135? Yeah. You're spending $50 on a pizza, $30 on gas, if you're cheap. That's $80.

That means your time is worth $55. Your friend is telling you that your time is worth $55. That's like $17 an hour. Yeah. For busting your back, lifting their shitty furniture. Manual labor. It's like them asking you to come over and just make dinner. Like, yeah, I could go to a restaurant and I could just make it all myself, but why don't

you just come over and make my fucking dinner for me? Now, Dick, here's what I don't mind. I don't mind the occasional heavy object. Like a friend will call me up and say, hey, I got this big screen TV. I got this refrigerator. Can you give me a hand? Like, whatever it is. Except actually the refrigerator.

I take that back. But the big screen TV, sure. I can grab a handle. And you know what? I got the whole thing myself because I'm real buff. Where'd they get this big screen? Like an 80s pizza joint? Big screens now are...

Yeah, 17 pounds. The flat panel. Well, they're like 40 pounds. Just get the projector. Projectors are late and they project big. That's a good idea, awesome. But not everyone has a cave to live in. Dick made me move a piano.

Did you... Did you... Oh, mother! Holy shit. Oh, wow, wow. International. What's going on here? Go ahead.

We picked up some piano from some guy in Pasadena. Yes, we did. It was an upright. Yeah. It was an upright piano. And the two of us lifted it into his truck. Yeah. And we were pretty stoked with ourselves because we felt really badass that two guys could lift a piano.

How old were we? 23? Yeah. I must have been 23. Okay, you got 40 years ago. What kind of pizza did he get you? I don't know what we. We probably picked up a bunch of booze or something.

Probably good booze. Yeah. A lot of good. decisions were made that night. Look, I've learned, I've learned my lesson because I've asked, I've asked Sean to help me move before in my life. But this is something when... So you're a dick according to yourself. Well, you got to learn these things. You have to learn these things and I'm telling everybody it's a very bad thing to make, like, like we do, don't, don't think that you're in some kind of a payback economy where you move them,

they move you, no, no. You know, you got to learn this. It's bad. Don't do it. By the time you're like in your mid-20s, late 20s, it's done. That's it. No more asking friends to move. Agreed. I have a rock star friend in Chicago who loves to help people move. And I asked him, why do you like to help people move? And he goes, well, people go to the gym to work out all the time. And why pay the money to go help work out when somebody could really use the favor and you need their shit moved? And you are the guy that provides that service. It's like, I get my workout, I don't got to pay shit. My friend really appreciates it. He's into karma. He thinks he gets good karma that way and all that shit. And he really likes helping his

friends out. I'm going to add this onto my etiquette list. Uh-oh. What's that? If you tell somebody you're moving, they know you're moving. There's no need to follow that up with the So can you help me or not? It's in there. The ball's in their court. You should never ask. He's like, you need some help? Well, I'm so glad you asked. Yeah, it's like if you want to blowjop from a chick, right? After an expensive steak date, you just zip your pants down and pull your dick out. You don't

grab, you know, then it's, that's the invitation is extended. Now the ball's in her court. Literally, yeah. Understand? Not yet. Yeah, Dick. So when you're past your 20s, right? You are all... I think mid-20s. Okay, mid-20s, that's fine. You are all professional, working professional adults, and you presumably have a job and a career and can afford to, A, move, and B, move.

Because to move, it costs you a little bit of money. That's just implied. It's part of... It's also the same thing, and I know this is a different problem, but I would extend it to the airport ride. Man, fucking... Oh, there you go. You know, man, I have, I've had some friends who I've taken to the airport numerous times, and eventually I'm like, dude, just factor it into the cost of your travel. It's an extra 10, 20, 30 bucks, whatever. Just add it to the ticket price.

And imagine that's how much it would cost you to travel round trip, including ground transportation. It's super simple math, guys. It's like 50 plus whatever your airfare is. It's 50 bucks. Yeah. Not even that. Not even that. There's cheaper ways to do it.

Oh my gosh. It's just nonstop the airport rights, man. And that's a really good friend, right? We should get even worse with it. Like when you're going to take a trip to somewhere, you should call the person in advance. Hey, can you buy like toothpaste and deodorant for me? I could go get it, but I don't want to do it.

So you buy it for me there, and I'll pick it up when you pick me up at the airport. Sure, where do you draw the line? Why not? Hey, you know what? Why don't you come over? Can you do my taxes for me? Yeah, I don't want to do them. I know I can pay to have them done.

But no, I'd rather use your time. Nothing's ever fucking packed. This really happens to you guys? This never happens to me. You never get asked to, well, I own a truck. Pick you up deodorate when you pick me up at the airport. Oh, that was a joke. Oh, good.

Thank God. That was like escalating it to the point of absurdity to make a point. I can't tell where your real lives intertwined with your fake lives. Me either, man. Nothing's ever packed. If it is packed, it's packed in a shitty box. It's 10 years old. Yeah.

Actually, that's a real peck. When they ask you to move in, they're still, like, taking shit out of the drawers while you're there. You better have your fucking boxes ready and stack by the goddamn door when you get there. That's the worst, man. That really, that really, do, do, do. Well, he didn't even use words to finish that thought. I was so upset right there. Yeah.

Sounded like it. Yeah, when I show up to someone's house to help them move, right? Uh-huh. Fine. I'm fucking there. Let's do this. Let's get this shit done, right? And I walk in, and the apartment looks exactly how I left it last time.

Yeah. Which was like a week ago, I was just hanging out. And you know, I'm sorry to interrupt, but you know in their mind, like, they treat it as an experience. Like, you're going to go on this moving experience with me. That's why I left it all out, but keep going on. And usually the power has been turned off so they don't have AC in the apartment, so you're just sweating like a pig the whole time. Yeah. And you got the awkward thing where the landlord might stop by for a visit and get the last check and you have to run other errands.

Oh, I need to swing by this place. I got to go buy some tape. Yeah. Yeah. You keep packing this up. I'll go by the tape so we can tape the boxes shit. Oh, that's a scam. I've seen that scam before, buddy.

Man, I've been roped into so many stupid pizza moving days. Because you have a hatchback, right? Yeah. So you, that's like a, I mean, you have a version of this of owning a truck. And the factor is we're really big people. And they, like, oh, you're big. Can you help me move that? If you're a tiny person, I don't think you get asked as much, like, hey, you help me move?

It's like, this guy is weak. What the fuck's he going to do? Well, that's a sexist remark, and I don't know what. I mean, if you're implying that women don't get asked to help. I said tiny people. It's a big people, tiny people. Oh, okay, all right. I don't think that's sex.

That's shape and size. They get asked to, like, remove a raccoon from a crawl space or something. That's what those friends are forced. There's a thing under my couch. Can you get in there and check that? 80% of adults have been to the doctor about lower back pain. Yeah. That's a bad.

Yeah. Well, okay, go on with this. Lower back pain. Acute lower back pain lasts between 4 and 12 weeks In a survey, more than a quarter of adults reported experience low back pain During the past three months

To save you, to save your buddy, $70. What did we say? $55, something like that? Yeah. It's gonna be somebody else's back, though. Yeah, how many's back going down? You know what? It probably won't be

Because they might be good at lifting. They could be professionals. Yeah, like I'm not good at lifting. I don't care about your shit. That's true. You skip leg day all the time. Yeah I do

Dick you got any other stats over there Because I just want to add one last thing He's got a shit ton of stats over there 23 million people move within the same county Every year I bet a significant number of those That's only in the same county right That doesn't include

That doesn't include going out of the state Going out of the city That's like same city moves Those are the people who nail you to help them move Because they can see it Yeah And they put out the weepy Facebook message like hey guys you know

I'm only I only have a couple people offering to to come help and move what you know what also I've noticed that if you have enough social proof and you post that on Facebook people will trip over themselves to offer to help you I've seen I've seen that happen if you have social proof like if you if you are charismatic and you're well liked in your social circle your friends will trip over and because it all it almost gives them

social proof to help you because you're helping I was at the great Maddox move You gave me this t-shirt? Yeah. And if you're beautiful, if you're people, like in movies, it's like, oh, the hot girl needs help. I mean, let me help you move shit. That's like me, because later you're going to have sex with you. Yeah, you definitely will.

When I moved out of my parents' house, it was under really acrimonious conditions. I was fighting with my parents. They were assholes. And my friends, my friends put their foot down. And they said, we're moving you out right now. And they came over, and I wasn't even ready. But they said, we're going to pack up your shirt. shit, we're gonna load it up, we're getting you the

fuck out of this hellhole, and they helped me, they did everything for me. My friend's intervention. Yeah, it was awesome. And they, they were, my friend, I couldn't thank them enough. They were so great about it. I didn't even have to ask. What was your holdup before that? Like how big of a sudden change for you

was this to go from, I'm not moving out to we're coming over and just moving all of your shit out? It was so intolerable Dick that at one point I, I don't call it running away, but I just told my family to fuck off and I was going to go live in a hotel. I literally just moved out and lived in a hotel for a couple weeks.

No shit. Yeah. When did you decide that you were not going back? I mean, I don't want to get into the details because it's just so awful. Stop talking about people's families, dick. It's interesting now. Maybe I'll share the story. Because there's a lot of people in that position if you're saying families are such big a problem.

They're fucking awful. I mean, maybe I'll get into the story at some point. It's a long story. But it came to a tipping point where I said, enough is enough. Fuck you. I'm out of this hellhole. You can go fuck yourselves. I don't need anything from you.

I don't want anything from you. And one of my friends took me in, and all my friends were offering to let me sleep on their couch or sleep on their floor or whatever. I took one of my friends up for his offer because my parents didn't know where he lived because they would stalk me. Wow. Yeah, again, like, you think that you can just cut your family out and loose and they'll leave you alone? No, they'll fucking find you and they'll harass you. They will find you and harass you. They're like heat-seeking missiles that annoy.

Yeah, they might like love you or something, you know. Oh, yeah. You gotta go find, uh, here. Or hate and harass, Sean. That's what, that's what was going on here, was hate and harassment. And, I mean, it was like one step away, removed from a restraining order. That's how bad it got. Wow.

Yeah, and so I stayed on a friend's floor, basically. He's a living room floor, which was not comfortable to sleep in. But you know what is comfortable to sleep, Dick? A bathtub. No, Casper mattresses. Oh, you stupid ass. Um, yeah, okay. Look, just because I have a truck doesn't mean I don't.

I'm a mover. You're wearing a skirt. Now I get what all those women were talking about. Yeah. My question that keeps coming up in my mind is you said like the in-county move. Yeah. And what if you're moving not like out anywhere but like to another room or next door? Does that piss you off more?

What do you mean if I'm asked to help? Minuscule like, hey, I'm in this bedroom but I like the other bedroom more. So I'm going to take the living room furniture and switch it into the bedroom, take bedroom furniture, switch it into that room. Can you help me move that shit? No. I cannot have. help you move that? I think that's more of a bullshit

fucking thing to do than like, I actually have to move out of this place because I need to like pay less rent somewhere, but I just don't like the functuary of that and I want my bed to be in that corner and I'm going to move everything around. You know, Austin, anything that is a shorter use of my time, I'm for. If it takes me

if it's less time for me to just move shit across the street, yeah, fuck it. I don't have to drive anywhere and I don't have to bring my truck or, you know, flatbed or whatever hatchback over to help load up and unload. That's a fucking worst. And stairs. Oh, how dare you? If you move the audacity of these people

to move into a place with stairs and then ask you to come over and help. You, the good friend. Yeah. Breaking your back. Yeah. I apologize for asking you, Sean. I was way in a line for asking you to help me move that. And to move that piano.

I apologize sincerely for them. I think if you're moving for logistical reason, like I can't live here because I have a dog now and I have a dog in my apartment. I got to go. I understand this. Fuck you. But you're just like,

I don't like the couch here. Can you help me move the couch? And then you move the couch over. Actually, the couch looked good over there. And it's just like bullshit in their head that they're trying to figure out. Does that happen to you? Oh, you have no idea how much fucking fengue moving I have to do all the time. Stop having friends as hippies, man.

They're not hipies. They don't have shit to move. They're like, I got my bag. I don't need your help. I need your help. You would love these fucking people. You just have to come stand with me like this. This is more.

I don't know. But it's artistic moves. is like, you put this table in the corner. I think it's better flow. That's true. That shit bothers me more than, like, I have to go to another place. Well, so we didn't get the Casper read the first time I mentioned with Dick, but you know what would help with the lower back pain?

Yeah, Casper. Today's show is brought to by Casper. Give $50 towards any mattress purchased by visiting casper.com slash biggest and using promo code biggest. You say slash bigots? Slash bigot. Biggest. Biggest.

Like you are the biggest fuck. If you're a racist, you need a nice mattress. Come sleep on Casper mattresses. A lot of people have actually bought them because of the show. Do they like me talking like this? I'm sure advertisers love it. Buying a Casper mattress is completely risk-free. Casper offers free delivery and returns within a hundred-day period.

So you don't have to ask your friends to help you move. That's pretty good. It's that simple. Statistically, lying on a bed for four minutes in a showroom has no correlation to whether it's the right bed for you. Did you know that? Yeah, I agree. It's also kind of like going to a new apartment and then trying to decide on a whim whether or not you should live there. You need to try it out. You need to sleep a night or two on the bed, right? Yeah, I did. I bought a new bed recently, and it was like, it was like going to an eye doctor. This salesman kept going like, well,

is this one better or this one better? And I'm like, I have no idea. Yeah. I have no idea, but there's a $600 difference. What are you asking me for? Yeah, I don't know how to gauge this. And they're like used car salesman. Man, Dick, since I got my Casper mattress, no joke, it is the most restful I've ever slept. Seriously, it's coma sleep. I'm almost worried that I have like sleep paralysis when I sleep now. This might all be a dream.

You should be weird. I might be on my Casper mattress right now, I wish. Casper has turned the buying process into a risk-free experience. Their mattresses cost, let's see, 500 for a twin-sized mattress, 750 for a full-size, 8-50 for a queen-size and 9-10.

You know what you do for a king's size. When you move, you throw your mattress away, and then when you get to the new place, you have a Casper mattress delivered to you. Ah, smart. Yeah, I did that last time I moved. And don't ask your friends to fucking help you. No, of course not.

All right, what's your problem? Dick. My problem this week. And I know I'm going to get piled on here by both you and Sean, but it's Dropbox. Dropbox, huh? Dropbox, and then more generally cloud storage or cloud computing. Well, wait a minute. Which is it?

Is it Dropbox or is it cloud computing and cloud storage? I'll say cloud storage. cloud storage slash Dropbox. He's milking them. He's milking both of them. This is what you do, though. You make things too big. Well, because when I brought in Oculus Rift as a solution,

essentially I was talking about virtual reality. Yeah, I don't care about the brand. And when I'm talking about Dropbox, I'm talking about cloud storage. And because the brand Dropbox might go away in the future, and I still have a problem with cloud storage. Okay. Okay.

So Dropbox's entire business model, and the business model of cloud storage is essentially to rent you your own data. Right? That's all it is. You're just, this data that you used to have, like video game companies now, you no longer have discs. They're just renting you software all the time. They send you a service agreement, and you're licensing the game from them.

And at any time they want, they can break your game because it requires online activation. So you log into their servers, and they decide, well, we're going to release this patch that nobody wanted, nobody asked for, but still fucks the game that you already paid for. And your game becomes inoperable. It becomes shitty. It becomes useless. How often does that happen? All the time, man. That's why people have so much grievance with EA.

EA does this all the time. I used to have games on, what was it? Dark Souls 2 when there was a patch that was released that fixed a whole bunch of bugs. But the bugs were kind of like gameplay elements that people were used to and were fun. And people came to rely on it. But then they released this patch and it took it all away. I paid for a game. Oh, okay.

I see what you're saying. Yeah. I paid for a game and I got a different service. So this can happen with Dropbox, and does happen with Dropbox. And every online cloud storage service, I like having my stuff and not having to pay for it all the time. What if you're not paying for it? Yeah, isn't it free for it? Yeah, I don't pay for it.

Great. Oh, cool. Wow, what a bunch of cool guys. But here's the thing. You don't pay for it. There's still problems with it. First of all, there's a ton of security issues with Dropbox. It's compromised all the fucking time.

And you don't even... Like, how often do people get their data read? Oh, well, I mean, how's this, dick? Seven million users, their passwords were compromised. That was in 2000... Here we go. Seven million accounts were held ransom by hackers in November 2014. That's according to...

Oh, it's this spammy website. I don't even want to mention. But that actually did have in 2014. And then in 2011, Dropbox allowed people to log in without passwords for four hours. You could log in with no password or incorrect password, and you could just log in and then download whatever they wanted. Ah, that's a trouble. And then they found another scandal.

I think this was like back in May of last year. They found that Dropbox files were being indexed by search engines. And so people were just being able to search whatever they wanted to. All their Star Trek fan fiction porn, erotic fan fiction porn. Robbins in trouble. Yeah. This is according to ZDNet. On Tuesday, information security consultant, Graham Cluelly,

reported how Dropbox had been contacted by the media who were investigating claims by intralinks and enterprise file sharing and collaboration service that it had stumbled across individual's mortgage applications and income tax returns. Uh-oh. Yeah, and I actually clicked on a few of these links, and sure enough, you can see somebody's 1040 form and their mortgage application. You can see how much money they make, whatever. These are files that are just being stored in Dropbox that are insecure.

Yeah. That search engines index, you are putting your trust in the hands of people who don't know how to secure their own enterprise. These are the people who you trust? Well, did you know about the scandal when they weren't even using encryption? That's another one. Years and years ago. When they first came out, they rushed it out just to meet, you know, because they had to get the product out. Yeah. They had to get, they were getting attention, they were getting users, so they just didn't bother putting the encryption on. Oh, sure. Why bother? Because Dropbox is a half-ass company, and they just

limp-dick along with their nickel and dime operation. I don't, I I don't trust Dropbox. I don't. I know you do. I mean, I know you don't. I know you don't because you refuse to use it. It's a huge hassle. Every time I try to use Dropbox, there is something that goes wrong with it.

And by the way, we transfer the show files with Dropbox, Sean. Just because it's easy. Yeah, sure. You know what else is easy? FTP. Super easy. It's not easy. Super easy.

It's definitely not as easy. Between the three of us, we have how many servers in common that we can FTP on? That's part of the problem. There's only one Dropbox. Why is that a problem? Because it lessens your options. You don't have to sit there and think about what you're doing. You just plug it into the Dropbox and then send the link to us.

But that's the problem because you do. You constantly do have to think about it. Every time, Sean, you send me a file, I click on it, and then Dropbox nags me to subscribe and to log in and all this other bullshit. And I have to do three clicks, three fucking clicks. Oh, I'm sorry, four clicks, counting the click to go to Dropbox. That's not a lot. Four clicks for one fucking filing?

How about right click save? That's two clicks. Done. Give me an FTP. Give me your FTP. Why would you do that? Why would you play to this game? Why would you fucking play to his game, Sean?

Because I don't want to hear about this problem anymore. Yeah. Oh, Sean, you came to the wrong show, buddy. You should have sent this one out. You hate convenience, though. No, I don't. I think if it was up to you, all these potentially useful technologies or software packages would be killed because they're not good enough.

When in the real world, they work just fine. They might be insecure. They might, like 7 million people might get their passwords leaked. A couple mortgage documents might get leaked. But overall, it was a useful experience for everyone who used it. Great, Dick. Then why don't you take all the shit in your house and then start paying for storage to keep it? Why don't you just pay for storage for everything?

I have my piano in storage. Okay. Well, why don't you pay for more storage? Why don't you take everything that you own right now? How about you stop buying clothes and just rent it? You know, there's clothing rental services, essentially. They'll send you a new... outfit every month or so.

Oh, really? Stop buying clothes. Does Nordstroms have one of those? No, I don't think so. I'm in. I don't think so. But you're not addressing the data rental argument. Well, because I don't think it's your, I don't think you're renting data.

You are renting data. You're renting your own data. And you guys say, you guys are, but I addressed it. There you go. No, because you cool guys in here. Oh, I got two gigs. What am I going to? Two gigs.

No, no, no. They don't have two gigs. I pulled the biggest scam of all time and upgraded everybody I know is gigs on Dropbox. I have like 18 or 19. Yeah. So what you do? Do, Dropbox has this like referral code where if you get people to sign up,

then you get a free 500 megs. Right. So I pay Chinese guys to register fake accounts and get you your referral bonus up to the max, which is like 18 gigs. So I just do that for all my friends. So they've all got 20 gigs. I mean, I got 20 gigs and it still doesn't fucking work.

Dick, you remember when we were doing, no, for real. When we were doing the biggest problem in the universe, the live show, we had to transfer terabytes of data. huge terabytes of data and we were doing it a little bit at a time because fucking Dropbox is awful and it doesn't ever fucking work and you upgraded my account

to 18 gigs and the file I was trying to transfer I was trying to transfer 16 gigs worth of files and it still wouldn't let me it said I didn't have enough space Yeah but then I logged in and did it the correct way and it immediately worked Well what's the correct way dick?

I don't know I don't sit down and teach you how to do things you hate. Wait a second. You specifically, because you have a grudge against these things. No. You hate iTunes. You hate Apple and you hate Dropbox.

Like you hate imperfect popular technologies. I think because they're imperfect. Yes. Yeah. So I'm not going to sit there and argue with that ideology and try to teach you how to use it. I'll just do it. It's not your problem solved. But you're not addressing the data rental aspect of the argument.

Don't interrupt and I will. It's not data rental. It's the, it's, you're renting the, accessibility of your data. You should have a backup on your computer. The way Dropbox is set up, it copies the local folder you have onto the cloud.

So you always have it on your hard drive, right? What you're paying for is the accessibility part. It's not the data. They don't own your data and then they're renting you, your own data. They're just renting their services on it, which is all accessibility and sharing. Dick, that's a very myopic

argument. It was a good argument, but very myopic. Because... I want to jab your fucking eyeballs out, so you're myopic, you fuck. In essence, what Dropbox is doing, right? People are not using it the way you're suggesting. They're not using it for access to their data, and they have backups, and they're astute. And by the way, Dickhead.

By the way, let's go back to Dropbox being simple to use, and yet it doesn't fucking work. You logged in, and I watched you download the files, the exact same way I was trying to download. And then I tried multiple ways to download the file. I tried to select... After I had gone? No, before, before you came over to show...

I remember why that didn't work, but go ahead. I'll tell you why it didn't work. Because I was trying to select multiple files to download it once, you know, just like a file folder, because that's Dropbox's big selling point. It's so fucking simple. It's just like a file system. You just control, click on every file,

and then right click and download, right? Doesn't fucking work. Yeah, but that doesn't work because when you do that with regular files, like pictures and documents, It zips all those up and then sends you one zip to download. You were trying to download audio tracks, which were like two gigs apiece. So it can't zip those all up and send them to you. Why isn't that dipshit technology smart enough to know that, hey, these files are too big, it exceeds the person's quotient, and I'm not going to zip it up.

You download these files individually. It says that. It says you've selected files that are too big to zip. You've got to download them one by one. Listen to me. That's how I figured it out. I did that. I tried to download them one by one.

you fucking saw me individually, it still didn't work. It still said that I didn't have enough space on my system. And I logged out, logged back in, I did all the stupid bullshit troubleshooting, right? I don't know. You saw me do that. Sounds like user error. Yeah, it sounds like the user here is the Dropbox employees who are programming their shitty software. Here's the thing, Dick.

I'm not saying that I should be able to do that if the files are too big. I don't expect it to compress two gig files and then download those. Right. I expect the engineers to be smart enough to know, that, hey, this person's quotions exceeded if I zip up these files, so let's not zip up these files. Google doesn't do that. It doesn't. It doesn't zip up

files that are too big. That's what it says. It says you tried to download too big a files. So, Dick, what's the solution? Maddix? What? What? Dick, what? The solution is, for them to just let you download the file. Not to give me this horseshit. I don't need to see

these error codes. ACTP can't send you multiple file requests on one click. Dick, can it? You can have a, you can have their software push it to your browser. If you click on all those things and have it downloaded, I don't know. I don't think you can do that. Well, that's the thing, though. That's why your perfect world doesn't exist because they have a list of things that they

need to figure out, and this is an extreme edge case. But by the way, a free user who would never pay for the software you needs. Like they're working on solutions for their big business customers. Okay. Hell, they're probably trying to build their business division up so they can compete with Box. Yeah. Dick, I want to go back to the other argument you made. Okay.

Right? Which is you said that the myopic argument you made. And here's why it's myopic. Because the users don't use it the way you were suggesting. They're not using it as access to their data. They're using it as their primary data location. And their end game, Dropbox and cloud storage, their end game, is to get you to use their service.

exclusively because Google has released the Chrome notebook and the Chrome notebook isn't meant to be a notebook where you store your data. The data is all stored in the cloud and they want you to rent it. That's what they're doing. Well, I would be for that. I mean...

Great, of course. Why wouldn't you be? Because if you're looking at a system where the computer is just like a free device that you have to access computing power and data storage on the internet, that's kind of the same as buying a super expensive system, like a heavy client, controlling all your backing up yourself. If you just have like a light, what is it called, a light client, I don't think it's called that, but a thin client.

A thin client. All your storage is on the internet and you're just paying an access fee instead of the big lump sum at the beginning. It's better. Well, so why don't you have a Chromebook smart guy? I don't think we're there yet. Oh. I mean, I don't, Chrome doesn't make, Chrome doesn't make sense for me. A lot of Dropbox does. I run all of my stuff off Dropbox because I can edit it on my phone, my laptop, of my computer and it never fucks up. It always fucks up. It's awful software. It always, always fucks up. Every single time I

log in to get my data dick, I don't appreciate seeing ads. Why do you log in, though? Where are you logging in? It just goes on your system. I miss fuck, I don't mean log in. First of all, I'm not going to run a fucking service on my system. Why do I have to run a service? Fuck you, my files are already on my computer.

Guess what? The service is. My fucking hard drive. I can access it. And I don't have to rent it. I don't have to pay, I don't have to be beholden to them. I don't have to be beholden to an internet service provider and then worrying about my data caps, which you have to then suck time Warner's dick to increase, and then they think you're

pirating files, and the NSA snoops on Dropboxes. Did you know that? They snoop on everything. What are they not snoop on? Yeah, well, guess who's on the Dropbox board of directors? Condoleezza Rice. Yeah, well, what do you mean, yeah? Government chill. Listen to this.

Literally, literally. Literally, literally. So this is from ZDNet. I want to continue reading this. It said Dropbox responded, excuse me, Dropbox responded to their data breach with a blog post saying that it was addressing vulnerability that it was unaware of any abuse of this vulnerability.

Cluelly wrote. Well, clearly, despite Dropbox's protestations, users' data was exposed. Otherwise, files like this and this wouldn't have fallen into hands of unauthorized parties. And they linked to people's tax returns. Then they said, surely, when it comes, to security, every user should be

notified, right? But there hasn't even been a tweet. It was the same when Dropbox responded to the heart bleed vulnerability. Just a blog post. If only there was some sort of machine or some sort of global communication system through which Dropbox could contact its

customers. They don't do that. Dropbox is a shitty service. They don't care about their user's security. They don't care about their data security. And Dropbox doesn't reset all its users' passwords when they get a data breach. Did you know that? They don't. They, um, I'm trying to remember if mine was reset. Because every once in a while I have to put in a new one and I have to reset it because something's, something's gone wrong.

But I don't pay attention to security emails. I know. Oh, I know you don't pay attention to security, buddy. Only users, this guy. Only users think that, only users that they think might be affected. Yeah. They are the ones they contact. That's prudent.

Oh, really, real prudent, Dick. Well, frankly, I don't trust the same company who got their users data breached to be competent enough to accurately. enough to accurately know which user's data was breached. If they're too inept to keep their doors locked, they're probably too inept to know what was stolen in the first place. I don't know. Everyone gets hacked, man. Okay.

Like, that's the way the internet's set up. Sure. Everyone gets hacked. Well, everyone's trying to not get hacked, but everyone gets hacked. What are you going to do? How long was heart bleed around before it got fixed? I don't know. I mean, what would you do?

You can go code up a 2,000 line file sharing piece of software. What do you want? What would you want it to do that Dropbox doesn't do that makes them so bad? Dick, we need to talk about something. Last episode, there was a big bug on the front page, which a lot of people commented on. Oh, the slash? Yeah, the slash. You know what I think about that?

Yeah, the program that I wrote so you could enter our problems into the back end to WordPress instead of having to use the database. I used it. Had an ad slash, had a character bug. Had an add slashes bug in it. Now it has strip slashes on like it's supposed to, but it's. It didn't. It's not really a big deal.

Okay. People were pointing it out because they thought it was funny. Yeah. Oh, what are you going to go into how it's a big deal? It's just another example of not caring about security. Like your whole drop box argument, you say that you don't care about security, right? Everybody gets hacked. No, I said I don't care about security emails.

Why don't you listen to what I'm fucking saying? Security emails specifically what? Notifications from companies telling me that their security was breached. Because I've already changed my password. All right, but why don't you care about that? Because it's just a late notice. I see when it happens in the news and change my password. Or I have two-factor authentication on.

Yeah. Like I do with most of my accounts. So if you care about your data security breach... Why don't I care about slashes on the website of a fucking plug-in? You could have easily logged in and fixed that, by the way. You had the credentials sitting in your fucking email. No, I couldn't. Yeah, you do.

You have the Ph.P. My admin credentials. I forwarded you the email I had sent you a couple months ago. Okay. So don't tell me you didn't have the credentials. You're going to tell me I don't care about security. Oh shit. You had the credentials.

So you're sitting here like I had this huge fuck up because I missed a slash. No, no. I mean, you were kind of sending my, that little jab about the 2000 lines of code, which I get. Tell us how Dropbox could be better. Okay. No, don't use it, for one. Because I don't think that you should use. Great solution.

Yeah, because Dropbox isn't a solution dick. I don't think you should have to rent your data all the time. Yeah. That's their end game. Dropbox is renting data, and cloud storage is renting data. That's all it is. And then you constantly have to pay because, look, all companies are moving towards this business model where they are renting you, movies, they're renting you, games.

You no longer own anything, and you can't resell it, you can't keep it. And if the power goes out, if there's a flood at the data center, if your security's breached, everything's gone. Yeah, well, I don't know. I assume they have people looking at redundant copies of their data. They probably use Amazon's back. or something like it. You would hope so, but look, man, if Dropbox was as simple and useful as everybody says,

I would use it. Then everyone would be using it. No, because you don't use iPhones. You don't use shit that works. iPhones are not. You have to know every single tiny minutia of everything before you'll use it. So you'll never use something like Dropbox.

No, I would use Dropbox if they cared about data and they weren't renting it back to us. But, I mean, right now I use, I'm kind of a hypocrite because I use cloud storage. I use Google Drive, which is still another service that I'm, having to rent my data on. Yeah. They give to the NSA too.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Sean, you look like you had something to say about this whole Dropbox things. You like Dropbox. Why? Well, no, it's convenient. That's the only reason. And I use Google Drive, too. Yeah. But again, it's like you were saying about how the people are using that for like their backup. Just because they're using it wrong doesn't mean that they're, in other words, they're able to use it right or correctly if they want to.

In other words, having a backup on their own computer and stuff and just using it to transfer files. It's like, don't leave anything really important up there. Well, then right? It's safe for backup than your computer anyway. Does that make sense? Yeah. No, no, it's not actually.

I have here, there was a bug in Dropbox. They released a patch. Remember how I said at the top of this problem? Yeah. How companies release patches sometimes that breaks their own software. Dropbox released a patch to cover the vulnerability of the password breach and effectively started deleting random users' files. Oh, wow.

That sucks. Whoops. So it's ineffective. I don't trust Dropbox. I don't trust cloud storage. It's an awful business model. I don't think I should have to constantly rent my data. If I buy a hard drive, I pay for it once, and I can keep it for as long as I want.

Yeah, I just don't think that people want that. They don't have to worry about their hard drive. Well, that's how the celebrity leak scandal happened, Dick. Everyone put their shit on cloud storage. It all got compromised. And now we have this huge fucking scandal, and everyone's a rapist. Yeah, everyone is. or an accessory.

Yeah. I don't know, man. I don't think the solution is don't use Dropbox, though. Don't use Dropbox. I absolutely. I mean, here's the thing. Dropbox is awful.

They're all different flavors of awful, but the trend is, Sean, not for people to use it as accessibility for their files. I mean, people do that all the time anyway. They email themselves files and so on, so forth. But because they can continue to do that right now,

Gmail has lots of storage that people can use. Over two gigs, I believe, like up to five or six gigs, right? You can email yourself. Well, I guess you can email yourself files larger than 25 megs. No, you have to upload them first. You can, but you have to upload them to your drive first. Okay, so you upload it to drive.

Yeah, again, cloud storage. I don't think it's a solution. I think that if companies, there's got to be a better way, man. But isn't FTP just the same thing? It's just you had to set it up? Like, would you feel more comfortable with your files on an FTP server? Absolutely. Because I think that's a way bigger risk.

No, because I trust myself. I trust myself to do a good job of my own security. I can have the password. First of all, I've never heard of a large-scale FTP breach where FTP as a service across the board was completely compromised. I've never heard of anything like that. Well, no, it's the servers one-by-one that get it. Exactly, which is much more secure, whereas Dropbox is just one. Well, security through obfuscation is a thing.

It's a negative. No. It's a big negative. Yeah. Security through obscurity is a bad thing. Why? Because it's not structurally secure. It just gives you the illusion that it's secure.

Because you think you're secure because you're a needle in a hate. but you're fundamentally insecure. But if they can't find that needle in a haystack, I mean, that's still, I would rather be a needle in a haystack that's insecure than the number one target where it's just one straw instead of a haystack. That's true. What if somebody brings a magnet? That's true.

Good point, Sean. What are you going to say, Austin? Good job, Sean. You get something to say. You guys are nerds. I don't give a fuck about this. Well, that's my problem. Filed storage and Dropbox

All right, my problem is What was my problems? Oh yeah, Helping Friends move. You got anything you want to pitch, Austin? You got anything about soup and blankets you want to pitch? Austin and I are doing an art project

for Burning Man. Yeah, he sent me a file at like three in the morning and it was like, hey man, can you blow this up or anything? And I told Austin... Enance? What do you mean? Oh, to print?

Yeah, to print. Yeah, because he needed something printed on a 12-foot by 12-foot banner. How do you send him? It's on a banner. It's a giant inflatable. Yeah, an inflatable, a giant inflatable. He sent it. Tell Austin, explain what we're doing.

I can't. This is, why? You know what we're doing. What are we doing? All right. People are listening. Explain to people are listening. It's called soup flavored blankets.

We're giving soup and blankets out and blankets that might be flavored like soup. Yeah, they'll have to lick the blanket to figure out if it's actually soup flavored. All right. Well. I can't even tell you what I'm doing, to be honest. I'm just kind of run out with a potato. ton of my hand and we're just going to see what happens. He sent me a file early in the morning.

He was like, uh, he calls me up and he goes, I need, I need, uh, I need to print this picture of myself on this inflatable. And anybody knows about printing pictures of themselves. It's you. I went to the pro. I went to the pro. Right to the source. Um, so I told him,

I'm like, okay, Austin, just send me the highest resolution file you have, the higher, the better. And so he sends me these files he saved off of Facebook. I didn't save that. I just clicked and dragged a drop because I don't, have a home and I don't have shit lying around. So I just had to go with on the internet. Yeah. So he sent me this file. The resolution was 640 by 640. That's just what Facebook is. I just clicked and dragged Facebook photos out. At 72 DPI. So I blew it up and of course it looks

like just sand. But I cleaned it up. I made it look pretty good. And then he ended up. The final solution was this photo sucked. It won't look good blown up. So I had to have a friend go all the way to my mom's house in fucking Iowa, grab a picture off the fucking shelf, go to Kiko, scan that shit high resolution. And I think that's the solution of the problem. Because I don't understand

what the fuck you're talking about with numbers and letters. 72 DPI, fuck off. What the fuck? It's a picture. Make it look good. Blow it up. Who cares? Did you buy them a pizza at least? No, I didn't even buy them a pizza. Yeah. They didn't pick me up at the fucking airport either.

Yeah. Well, that's my this week. Fuck you. Cloud storage. See you next Tuesday. Oh boy. You know what I want to hear about?

Smash Brothers. Oh, boy. Which I got a volley. I'm ready for my Smash Brothers. Let's hear these guys. Let's hear these dickheads. Hey, Maddox. I just wanted to call in and tell you

about your whole Smash Bros. Not a real fighter. Huh. There was a recent street fighter tournament where one of the quote-unquote top players in the world did nothing but Crouch Block the entire game. Wow. As Zankees. And all he did was Crouch Block. Cool.

The entire game. Good strategy. Maybe once or twice he went in and got a hit, but then he sat back down in his little crouching just a lot. This guy should be an announcer. Oh, game. And if that's your definition of a street fighter, boom goes the dynamite. Like a competitive street fighter game?

That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen. It's basically as good as you do in half-circle, special all-game. And that is Ryu is still losing. Oh. I remember that stream. Goodbye. And, uh, oh. One last thing.

Three players, talking. Oh. Took a sharp left. In at the buzzer. What do you think? Wow, the dumbest thing I've ever heard was that voicemail. I'll tell you why Smash Brothers isn't a real fighting game. Here's the thing, Dick.

Would you expect when you're playing a game for the rules of that game to be consistent? Right? That's a very basic thing. You want the rules to be consistent. You want to know that when you do something, it's going to do something every single time the exact same way when you press a button, right? Sure. On a computer game? I'd be surprised if it did not.

Exactly. And here is why Smash Bros. It's not a fighting game and barely a game. Because there are random elements in every stage. There are stages that cause your character to fall off and they collapse. And then the Smash Brothers players, they counter with, well, you can turn those off in competition play, right? In competitive play, you can turn that off. But even if you turn off all random encounters, like all the random things, which, by the way, power-ups, you can get random power-ups.

You can get random power-ups during the match. Do you think that's conducive to a fair tournament? If you want to know if one player is as good as another player, you want them to be matched up, and you don't want any chance, any random encounter chance to happen, right? Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay, yeah, actually. That's a huge...

Because it's like an NFL game. Like, people aren't just, like, throwing either poison Gatorades like into the middle of their regular Gatorade like randomly throughout the play. Yeah. So there are random power-ups. in Smash Brothers. Because then it wouldn't be a sport anymore.

Like, how can you bet on that? Exactly. You know? There's an element of chance. So then they counter while pulling their pants down randomly. Yeah. So then they counter, they say, well, you can turn that off too. But you know what? You can't turn off.

And this is endemic in every single Smash Brothers game. Still, if you turn off every single random stage effect and random power up, it's still occasionally your character will just trip for no reason. Your character while walking will trip. Because the creators of the game didn't want it to be a, a fighting game. They intentionally put that in... It's a party game. It's a party game. That's why it's never going to be a serious fighting game. Fuck

off. Okay, that's the best argument you've made so far, because that's like the first base umpire just tripping a guy randomly as he's running to first. You can't bet on that. You need consistent rules for a fighting game. Fuck off. Smash Brothers isn't a fighting game and it's barely a video game. All right, I'm not even going to play the

other... More Smash Brothers arguments? Yeah, because that's it. That's it. It's not a contest. If there's random shit involved, Yeah. Here's one about Star Trek, though. Hey, guys. This is Section 31, Agent 1337. You guys are such idiots.

Diana, she's LaTroix. She's not even a tel-pass. She can't read mine. She's an empath, you idiot. Which means that she can read feeling, not specific thoughts. Leave it to you. idiots. I'm talking

to you, dick. And you Maddox to get that wrong. You guys aren't real trekkies. You're right. Go fuck yourself. Thank you for that compliment. Sean, you're nodding like you knew that all along. It's one of the weird things I remember from that.

I didn't see that whole series until really recently. That's good. Yeah, that's the great way to do it. I was never into that stuff. It still holds up. The next generation? Yeah. No, it's good stories. Not enough for me to call myself. a trek you, I don't give a shit.

We never asked you what your first jerk off memory was. That's like private information, man. Oh, me too. If somebody hacks a server, because a hot chick will draw it for you, though, if you say what it is. Yeah, it's not private information if it's on Dropbox, my friend.

That's the kind of stuff he saves. Let me guess. That's the only thing I leave on Dropbox. Was it something musical? Was it like Jimmy Hendrix lighting his guitar on fire? Was it a saxophone? Oh, he's a saxophone? No.

It was a sousophone, wasn't it? What, you're looking at me like I'm going to answer. Yeah, you will. Come on. Sean, we'll get a cool Sean to answer. Yeah, oh, cool, Sean. Let's get Cool Sean to answer. Wait, you mean the, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, Sean.

So if you guys don't remember, if you guys don't remember, we had Cool Sean do the voice of Sean in our Solutions episode when Sean's solution got mysteriously cut. What about the other one when I ripped that guy on the voicemail? Oh, that was great. I'll ask Kulshan and see what he remembers your first Jackoff member. I'm sure Kulshan will bring it in. Yeah, peer pressure.