The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 69

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe, the show where we discuss every problem in the universe, from Smash Brothers to Burning Man. With over 4 million downloads. I'm Maddox. With me his dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? And Sean, our audio engineer. Hello. And today we are joined by very special guests, the dating girl, Aaron Tillman.

Woo! The dating advice girl. The dating advice girl. Do not make a sign over, please, Aaron. Close enough. Close enough. I'm Aaron Tillman, the dating advice girl. We went over that.

Very beautiful dating advisor. Thank you. All right. Let's start there. Thank you. Here we go. Thank you. One of those shows, guys.

One of those shows. Episode 69. Uh-huh. Erotic episode. Yeah. Yes. This is going to be a sex-themed episode. Dick, but before we begin,

biggest problem from last week is no problem. It was actually a draw. Oh, for shit. For the first time, as of this recording, no joke. It's 1,22 for each problem. It's the first time it's ever happened. I've been, so Dick, you just came back from Burning Man, and I've been checking the Twitter feed. And throughout the entire week, people have been constantly tweeting at me.

They say, hey, Maddox, it's tied at this number. Hey, Maddox, it's tied at this number. And finally, today, when I went to record, it was still tied at 1,222 as of this recording. Huh, how interesting. Do you think people are trying to make them outrank one another, or do you think that's just entirely organic. Everybody just thinks they're both kind of problems. I think it's organic. I think that everybody does think it's their problems because, first of all, the vote is too high for it to not be a problem.

And they think that toddlers, Aaron, last week we talked about toddlers as a problem. And also people who can't cook. Oh. As problems. It's pretty equal. Pretty equal. Okay. Can you cook? Not very well. I date guys who can cook.

Oh, wow. Uh-huh. But I like toddlers. You guys are a perfect match then. Yeah. There you go. about his weird cinnamon apple pies in his uh oh that sounds awesome there we go his date afternoon what it gumbo is that what he made i made jumbo i made umbo romantic gumbo that's his specialty he'll bring you over he'll he'll open the door in a silk kimono with a big steaming pot of gumbo

that's a hot date for this guy what an asshole here's the thing i would love if somebody cooked gumbo for me and actually i i was i was mistaken it was not gumbo it was jumbo it was jumbo i made Either way. Either way. It's a big heartburn waiting to happen. Or fart. Or dire. Yeah, this is a romantic afternoon.

You know what? Cook your own meals, princesses. Both of you princesses. I'll take the pie. I'll take that cinnamon and apple pie. You're getting nothing because I'm going to eat the pie by myself with my delicious gumbo and I'm going to sit in my fart cloud. Fine. You guys can, you guys can go.

Great impression of a toddler. Great. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of a lot of a first-time child expert advice from last episode too. Yeah, from you. From you dickhead. You're the one teaching. People had to discipline their toddler.

A difference that you learned about only seconds before, that babies are not the exact same thing as toddlers. You know what, Dick, kid. I looked it up. So somebody was trying to defend you. You looked it up because you didn't believe me? No, no, no. Because somebody was trying to defend you. And they posted a comment.

They said, hey, Maddox. Oh, God. Here is a link to Wikipedia slash infants. And they sent the definition of infants, and then they sent the definition of toddlers. They're different. They're different. No, it says an infant can be anywhere from the age of one and two, a toddler, anywhere between the age of one and three.

That's a very poorly written Wikipedia article that you just remember. There is no consensus. Of course there's a consensus. Yes, there is. What's a toddler, Aaron? Toddler is, I think it's two to like four. Oh, well, well. What's an infant?

Infants like baby to like toddler. They call them toddlers because they toddle around. Well, that's not what Wikipedia says, Aaron. They disagree with you. So even in this room, he doesn't even know what a box is. Oh, please. You think a box is. This is a tube, a square tube.

What? I retract some of my comments about toddlers, too, because when I got back from Burning Man, my nephew, my little nephew who is a toddler, and that's why I brought the problem in, Aaron, he came out. And part of my problem with toddlers is that they're little psychopaths. Can be. Yes. Most of the time, they are. They just want to see the world burn. You can't reason with them.

True. You can't buy them off. You can't make deals with them. They just want to cause. They do what they want. Yeah, he saw me and in like his own kind of toddling psychopath way

I saw him register happiness on his eyes and he came over and opened his arms not knowing what to do just overwhelmed with emotion and it was I loved it so maybe toddlers aren't as bad as I was saying that's very sweet. That's a sweet moment right there. This is the highest you'll think of me

throughout this episode is downhill. Definitely, yeah. Completely downhill from here. It's going to be a lot of really crass comments from here on now. I'm very excited. So the toddler is like Run around like little psychopaths. I get it. They're like little psychos. I have a segment, Dick.

We haven't done this in a long time. Right. What the hell is that? Dick on Dick. Oh, it's Dick on Dick now? Yeah, we got a dick on dick. Dick. Oh, boy.

Way back when. Crasse, right, Aaron? Way back when. It's exciting. Aaron, it's only going to get crasser. Way back when, before we even did their solutions episode or anything, way back in the day, you said this dick. My first problem is armchair psychologists.

I'm not an armchair psychologist. That's my point. Yeah. And then, and then, and you specifically gave examples in that episode of like people who call things or other people psychics. Here's what you said during the Cecil the Lion episode. Do you remember you brought in the hunters? Listen to this. Yeah.

They look at that lion and they project their fucking dads onto it. And when they see it die, it causes them pain because they feel weak. It's their shitty way of dealing with their own mortality. That's why they get so pissed off. Yeah. Well, well said, right? Interesting.

I've never heard that theory. Have you ever projected your dad onto anything? Probably in the dating realm. Yeah? What kind of guy would you project your dad on to? Oh man, it's getting deep. Yeah. Probably someone who is like my dad.

What was he like? Is like, businessy, very corporatey, businessy, not real emotional. Oh. Aaron, he's trying to hit on you, and this is gross. Guys, do you see how well it works? That was a class. Nothing worked. What worked there?

Nothing. She just told you her dad's a businessman. Yeah, exactly. And I was confused at the end of it. Here's a win. Do you want to see me file a report? I'll file a report right now. What?

Too many. There's so many layers here. I know, I know. So what, I'm an armchair psychologist. That's the point? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't know.

You got me. Both dicks said so many eloquent things. But before we go on, Aaron, we should mention a little bit about your website. You've written a book as well, right? True story. It's been out for a little bit. It's called the dating guide book. Tips for Living a Happy and Healthy Single Life without losing yourself in the dating process. Because we do lose ourselves in the dating process. Because we find some hot person that we're like, oh, oh, and then we totally forget what we want or need or what would be best for us.

So what would you say, like, if you wanted to avoid losing yourself, what's one or something? two tips that you would think that definitely avoid doing this to not lose yourself, not fall for the lure of beauty or power as a lot of women who date me fall into, right? Power, I'm like a whirlpool of power and success. Power is a drug for people. Stamina, right. That too, stamina as well. Beard?

I don't know about the beard thing. Actually, yeah, the big beards are a big thing for women right now. Even like well-trimmed, beards, a little bit, you know, well-trimmed, sideburns? I'm not a big facial hair person, sorry. Like every guy has... Well, that's enough of your book. Two strikes. Sean?

Sean, you want to take him out at this wall? No, no, no. No, no, no. But if done the right way, it can be hot. Yeah, but what are the tips? And I'm talking about the really long beards. Okay. So, not losing yourself.

Being really clear about what makes you happy rather than trying to jump into someone else's lifestyle. Because we do that too. Right. Like we're like, oh, that person likes this and they love this. And they're like, oh, I'm going to like those things too, even though I hate them, but I want them to like me, so I'll do those things.

I've seen this happen, Aaron, not because of beauty necessarily, but people who feel like they have no other options and they settle. Yes. It is the most, it's like one of the saddest things I've ever seen in my life.

I agree. You know, it's like, it's, it's like the ending, well, I was going to make a Little Mermaid reference. Anyway. Oh, yay. The original Little Mermaid, the 1978 one, which most people haven't seen. No, I haven't.

Yeah, that's the original Little Mermaid. It's a really sad movie. You've seen it, Sean? Yeah, I've seen it, because she turns into foam at the end, like the book. She dies. She turns into foam. It's a really sad.

Oh, this is awful. Well, spoiler alert. I guess I won't watch it now. Spoiler alert. Your life is that sad and pathetic. If you settle, if you compromise. Yes. That's your message, right?

Don't compromise. Don't compromise too much. But there's something to be said for some level of compromising. Yeah, like if they're really hot. Then. Oh, boy. You know. And then you'll be done in six months.

Are they like going down? Then start compromising because it doesn't get. Any better than that. You find it the girl who's orally fixated, that's the top. Is it? For you, but not for some people. The top might be other... Dick's a top.

Other things. Like, butt things might be the top. Okay, good. That's a strong number two. I'll take that one. I'm not... Anyway, I'm not a fan of that, but I'm saying some people... Everyone's list is different is the point.

Everyone's top is different. All right. I got some comments. Okay. smooth as transition do you want to transition into and out of everything I love transition

I've been killing every single one on this show no speaking of killing Dick Eddie Jefferson Dick hates toddlers because his face stopped growing when he was a toddler

Nathan Lane says that kid the kid must have had damn good aim to boot Dick in his face and you know Oh yeah because it was so small You needed that explains

you I had to think about it for a second, yeah. People have really, they've really thought through these comments. Oh, yeah, they spend a lot of time thinking how to best insult us. I love it. You should see the artwork. Oh, yeah. Whoa, what?

There's artwork? We just posted one. Actually, thanks for purchasing the bonus episode, guys. We just posted some artwork, some fan work that we, we get so much sometimes. We don't even have a time to talk about it. But check out the bonus episode page. We posted the fan work, the fan art from, I think his name is Stephen Bellew. Bellu, Bellu, something.

Anyway, he sent in some amazing fan. We get so much fan work every, fan art, every episode. That's amazing, seriously. And then we also get calls like this. This is from a longtime listener to the show. She's not a big fan of the show, Erin. Her name, we have a fan. I met him several times in D.C.

Good guy, his name's Angelo. Okay. But his mom... Oh, fuck this. His mom is not a fan of the show, specifically Dick. Now, she loves Maddox. She loves Maddox. Oh.

Well, here's what... She'll eat his gumbo every day in the week. She'll jamba his liar. Erin, she would appreciate it. That's a woman who appreciates gumbo. Here's what she said most recently. She called in and left this... Here we go.

Listen, you pig. Pig. Who she talking to? You? You? Listen. You, the nastiest... Oh, wow.

You are a hideous. You are a hic. Hick. A hick. A hick. Hick. She's from Greece. She doesn't know insults.

That's it. That's the only way I can describe you. You're not a human. You're not a human. You are a pig. Shame on you. You sucker, cocker, sucker, sucker. Oh, my gosh.

You sucker, cocker, sucker. What do you have to say about that dick? You know what before burning man, that would have really upset me. But now I'm super zen. Super Zen. The rantings of an insane woman don't affect me. I don't think she'd like that, Dick. You're just goading her.

I feel like that means that you're a big deal when you get those kind of messages. Oh, yeah, we're the biggest deals. It doesn't, trust me. You got anything? I do. I have one last thing. This is sent in from Pooh Police. It's a song about our good friend and audio engineer, Sean.

Oh, cool. I jump on you guys kind of too much sometimes. No, not at all. That's true. You do jump on top. I do too much. Can't be on top during sex if you're morbidly obese. Did you have that problem when you're overweight? You could crush your hand. What do you mean?

Fuck you, Sean. You know, Dick, I feel bad for you sometimes. We've got Haley Joel Osmond's over here. What the fuck? Fuck you, Sean. I have turned down more virgins in my life than fucking virgins exist. But now he's staying away from elementary. school.

Sean. You remember last week we were talking about the first things we jerked off to. Yeah. Mine was the American Gladiators, specifically Electra and Diamond. It wasn't Nitro and Malibu? Hey, fuck you, Sean. You penis judging prick. Fuck you.

I don't want to see a bunch of Legos having sex. Like, it doesn't look real. I mean, what if the Lego woman was pregnant? Sean. Do you need to put a spoiler on the millennium? And I'm Falcon. Why? That was the whole point.

What, Sean? Person racing rims? Because you shut your fucking mouth. When you're pregnant, you've got to have conversations about whether or not you're going to abort a retarded kid. I'll have that conversation day and night, buddy. I've had that conversation in bars and restaurants. It's an interesting thing. But seriously, ma'am, I'll let you get back to your dinner.

John. It is definitely not acceptable to delete one out of 31 podcasts. And I don't want it to seem like you think it's acceptable to do that, right? No. And I've never done it with anything important, so. You guys, okay. Thank you, Sean. I have some of those 70 shorts that you were talking about.

My balls came out one time. That's what you want. That's considered a win. And that's why he's not allowed in Chuck Echee cheese anymore. No, I will say this, though, the balls came out on a bike one. Yeah, my balls came out on a bike one. What was that? That was one of the jokes that Sean made that didn't land.

He included it. Anyway, he included it. That was a super cut of all your jokes, Sean. Was that the end of it? That was the end of it, yeah. I have a feeling it goes on way longer. No, that's it, Sean. You're not that funny.

Aw. All right. What is this? I know what's funny. Oh, you got, you got Aaron on your side. Team Sean. Yay. Great.

Dick and I are on each other's teams. Can we not have a clip show? This is a clip show that we're doing now. No. Here's a segue for you. I got one of my. bit still. A bit I haven't played in a long time. The biggest problem

in the universe presents erotic stories from real men. Do you remember this one? Yeah, vaguely. This is from this is called him James. I don't know. He probably actually wants his name red, but we'll see. You tell me by the end of it. Dear Dick,

I've been listening to the podcast since the first episode, and I've been a fan of yours since I saw you telling that fat bitch to hit a treadmill on Dr. Phil. His words. I'm writing in relation to that fuck with that called in last week saying he tried to use the what's your dad like line at a party. That guy's a cunt. Of course you don't use it as a pickup line. You have to subtly sneak it in there.

What do you think, Aaron, what do you think of that line? What's your dad like? What's your dad like? You ask someone what their dad is like. You ask a woman what her dad is like. You're making a face of disgust. Yeah, it's just weird because I'm not thinking sexually about my dad, but then now I'm thinking about my dad. So I'm not going to look, whoever asked me that, I'm not going to look at in a sexual way after that.

Okay, so you think that's bad advice. Yeah. Can I tell you why Dick, it works sometimes for Dick. Is it, is it, and I think he and I know this and we use it for different reasons. I avoided for this reason, and Dick's used it for this reason. It's because sometimes if they have a bad relationship with their father, it puts them in a negative head space. That's why I avoid it, and that's why Dick uses it. Yeah.

But here's the other thing. Here's the other way, reason it could work, though, because you're acting like you care in some way. Yes, there you go. And then they're talking. This is why I'm a dating expert. And as they're talking, their intimacy is growing. I know. They're sharing personal stories with you.

I know. I don't like it, but it could work. Aha. I'll take it. All right. I know James says, I know this because one year ago you gave me the kryptonite to a woman's sexual defenses. Your advice lost me my virginity. Oh. And gave me immeasurable self-confidence.

Oh. You can't buy that. That's true. Actually, you can, but go on. It's called liquor. You're right. I am a nerd. And it is almost impossible for me to find a woman.

So imagine my luck when I met this 9 out of 10 busty E-cup, he puts in parentheses. Right? E-Cup? Right? Did they eat? Pretty big. Yes, they do. E-Cup Chinese girl online.

Oh, get out. An E-Cup Chinese girl. Are they real? We don't even know if it's a woman at this point. That's the Yao Ming of Chinese women. She was F-O-B. parentheses, fresh off the boat. Oh, boy.

This guy sounds like a real prize. Yeah, I can't find a girl because I'm a nerd. I'm such a nerd. That's the reason I'm a nerd. It's a real man. This is a neurotic story from a real man. And was pretty lonely, so that was a good sign. We started chatting and got pretty close.

We chatted for a couple of hours each day before finally meeting up after we were done with exams. It was the first date. I had dinner at her place, and we started watching some shitty sitcom, young and hungry. on the laptop in her bedroom. Oh, see, I would say that's, you're ready to go. Yeah, in her bedroom. Okay, well, see, this is sometimes the line is needed.

Even when you've already won, you don't know. It's true, you never know. There was an awkward silence, and I knew if I was going to have any chance with this girl, I would have to pull her emotional strings. So I brought up the subject of family. I asked her what her family was like, and she was hesitant. Yeah, I kind of hate this. Go on. A little bit, go on.

You hate it? A little bit. Yeah, absolutely. It's so cor. And also, I specifically mentioned a couple episodes ago that I mentioned, I asked about their family, and then you were like, no, you have to ask about the dad, but he asked about the family. I'm getting there. I'm getting there. The dad could have drowned all her sisters or something.

That's why I avoid it, Sean, it's bad. It's taboo. So what happened? I then asked about her dad, and she said it was complicated. Jackpot. Oh. She thought, but you hate this. You obviously hate this.

You want to cut it? I hate it to. No, no, no. Go on. Go on. I want to hear it, yeah. She told me her biological father. died when she was young and her stepdad died recently.

And she has trouble trusting people. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Right? This is what you're talking about. This is a nightmare scenario. She also told me her biological dad ate her dog. What?

I almost laughed because it was the most Asian thing I had ever heard. Anyway, she said that was the most Asian thing he's ever heard. You didn't add that line? No, I didn't. This is a real. erotic story. I believe it coming from the guy. It gets there. It gets there. We're getting into it. Anyway, she said it gets

really tough and hard for her to focus on being positive. So I said, maybe I should take your mind off. Oh, my gosh. What a real piece of shit. This guy. What do you mean? A piece of shit. Dick Ackleit, a piss dribbler. This is what, this is what the advice they listen to. Go on.

Before leaning into Kisser, I could hear her breathing heavily as I nibbled that little bitch's earlobe. Is he saying all of this? And when I leaned in, I kissed her neck while caressing upper thigh. Here's where it gets really erotic. The layers of clothes came off, which revealed her rock melon-like blossoms. That's weird.

What? They had the perfect nipple to ariola to breast two chest ratio. That's a lot of numbers. That's hot for you. You know what I'm talking about. Her snatch was so wet. I almost slipped on the floor. Then I proceeded to bang her in the crouching.

Tiger Hidden Dragon position. This is so racist. You know, that's racist. He says he did it to respect her culture. After 20 minutes of glorious sex, I was free from the shackles of being a virgin, and I have you to thank for it. Thank you, Dick.

You're the greatest mentor I have ever had. Your Australian worshipper, James. So, why are we booing? Yeah, why are we booing? This guy losing his virginity. That's a big deal. That guy should stay a virgin. I, can I veto his virginhood?

Can I veto that sex? You can't, you can't. He deserves, what a piece of shit. Yeah, it sucks. He's the most racist. It is a little racist. Loser. And he's one of those, you know what he is?

You know what he is? What? Tell me if I'm wrong. Yeah. He is a friend zone guy. For sure. Where he, like if a girl, if he strikes out with a girl, he's like, oh, I've been friend zones.

Like, no, you, it's because you screwed it up. It's because you screwed up. You're a pussy. Yeah. You're too much of a coward to, to, to, to seal the deal, and then now you're blaming it on Well, and it smells of, it reeks of pickup artistry. Yeah. I mean, that's what it is.

Like, oh, let's talk about it. Let's make her really vulnerable about all her, both her dad's dying and all this stuff. And eating a dog. Yeah, eating a dog and say some, like, racist stuff. And then I get to have sex with her. Oh, my God. The question is, did he have sex with her again? Probably not.

What do you mean? Why? Are you kidding? You don't think he would go back for seconds? Well, do you think she would say, yeah? Probably on me again 30 minutes later. Oh, my gosh. Terrible.

Jeez. Terrible. All right. Can we do problems? Yeah, let's get to the problems, guys. That was a good story, though, by the way. Thank you. Yeah.

No. Thank you, James. Congratulations, buddy. You earned it. Oh, and I should mention that SoundCloud account earlier that I meant, Pooh Police. It's actually by Joe Forsy. I think comments all the time in the page, too.

Okay. Thank you, Joe. Anyway, my problem this week, this might be the biggest problem in the universe, in terms of the sexual universe, at least. It's Polly Evangelists. Oh, God. Interesting.

Interesting. Because, okay, so first I should mention the way Aaron and I met is at a dating show. Yes. It was a Tinder dating show. Live show. Live show. Mm-hmm. Where a bunch of people showed up and everybody hopped on Tinder in the audience.

And then we all tried to see how quickly we could match each other and if we could match someone in the room. And we were reviewing each other's profiles. So there was a big screen and as a dating expert and as an amazing guy. Maddox and I looked at their profiles and said, oh, we like that, oh, that's not good. Oh, their pictures are great or terrible or whatever. We critiqued their profiles in real time. Yes.

Is there any way that we can get the terrorists to attack events like this? It was so fun. I would write in Osama bin Laden for president if he could just hit these kinds of groups. Go ahead. Yeah, all we have to do is draw a few cartoons. Get them all over our ass. Okay, so.

No, came here. Yeah. Yeah. So, so at this event, one of our good friends, our mutual friend, is, I would say a poly evangelist, right? Yes. Yeah. Well, you describe exactly what you mean by evangelist. Okay. So poly evangelism is somebody who is, who partakes in the polyamorous scene, or polyamory. Polyamory. Polyamory. Do you know what the definition of polyamory is? I believe it's many loves, so to speak, poly and amorous.

Basically, someone who bangs everyone. And I love this guy, and he's a great dude. But respectfully, and everyone's on the same page and knows that they're having sex with multiple people. So it's not cheating. There's a difference. People confuse you. There's a huge difference. Yes.

It's on the up and up. Yes. But everyone I know who is a poly evangelist, and not just polyamorous, but a poly evangelist, can't stop talking about it. It's all. So there's a box. Yeah, because they know it's a fucking lie. That's why they can't, they want validation because they know it's all bullshit. No, but why do you?

Oh my God, there's so much to talk about. Why do you say it's a lie? In what way is it a lie? I think polyamory is for people who are too big a cowards to just not outright cheat. Like they don't want to lose the relationship. It's not cheating, though. Yeah, but it's fucking somebody else. No, but what if you're single and the people you meet?

You don't have any main partner yet. You're totally single and you meet someone. You're like, listen, I identify more as polyamorous. So you're not even cheating with anyone, stride off the way off the bat. I think that the world we're in now is so insane that we have to walk through. the process of meeting someone falling in love and having a sexual relationship with them. Now, the most misogynistic person on the internet is explaining to people the basics of courtship and attraction. Do we understand that?

Do we understand that a person who is proud of that is explaining to everybody? Yeah, you meet someone, you court them, you talk to them, you get to know them, chemicals in your brain cause you to experience love, and then you kind of want to just fuck only them and feel safe with them for a certain amount of time. Then it wears off. Then you start drinking. Then you start hanging out with your friends.

Then you start lying about where you've been. Then you play too many video games. Then you start talking to a girl online who's just a friend. And then eventually you fuck up one night because you got too drunk. You fuck her. You're afraid to tell your girlfriend. So you start fighting with her a lot and blame her for doing the same thing with other guys that she's talking to at work because they all are.

And then you break up in a big fight at TGI Fridays on Saturday. You get back together on Sunday because you've got to take her to your parents' house and you're not going to tell them that you guys broke up because it's fucking embarrassing. So you string it along for a couple more weeks until you just kind of stop seeing each other because one of you moves to New York. Oh my God.

Right? That's what a relationship is. It's not all this weird shit with polyammery. Yeah, because that sounds way healthier and way more desirable. That sounds awesome. It's worked for 10,000 years. But has it?

Has it? I don't know. I don't want to interrupt your problem. That was amazing, by the way. And a little too close to home. sounds like yeah uh it is it is Aaron uh it is really close though I mean but but take like here's the thing I I think that there's something in the middle you you you represent one extreme thank you right you represent one side of the that ideology the opposite side of the ideology

I would say which is traditionalist that's a traditionalist view yeah which is find a relationship yes one relationship yeah get bored with it and then you you are okay with cheating right Well, I've done it. I couldn't say I'd never do it again because that would be insane. How is that better than dating multiple people and everyone knowing and being okay with it? I'll tell you why, because this is what I really think about polyamory. Polyamory. I think one person in there is getting conned, is getting sold a bill of polyamory,

and they're getting strung along because when people say polyamory, they're phrasing it in a way that's very manipulative that you can't argue with. They want it to be open. They want you to experience this love to. Oh, baby, we've only, I've only ever banged a couple people. We need to experience more of life. And the other person's like, well, I can't say no. Yes, you can.

Yeah, you can. But then you're going to get hit with it again. It's a sales technique. You can see a little new car. Go ahead. No, no, no. But I agree with you. But I'd much rather know what I'm buying than they have no idea.

And then, you know, six months later, somebody says, oh, I saw your friend driving this new car. Did you know that they had this. car. Absolutely. You know nothing about. And, oh, and that car has bad brakes and you might get a disease from it. Right, right, right. If you're up front about that.

You might get a disease. You can get herpes from a car. That's true. What? Yeah. What? Did the next girlfriend tell you this? No, I've told them.

I've been in a relationship like that, Aaron, where it was near the end of the relationship. I mentioned this a couple episodes ago. Because Dick brought in, was it cheating or cheaters as your problem? I think it was cheating. And it was kind of ambiguous because it seemed like you brought in it as a problem, but you didn't really have a problem with it, which was confusing to me. Because I, when I got to that point- Well, I brought in armchair psychology, and I do that as well.

That's true. Still a problem. When I get to that point in a relationship, I feel like we talked about this, Aaron, right before this broadcast, too, on Periscope. When I get to that point, I feel like I would rather tell that person up front and say, look, I am interested in having sex with other people. Yes. And I know this is really shitty to hear from somebody.

Dicks rolling his eyes. I'm surprised you can't hear him rolling his eyes. But I feel like it sucks to tell somebody you love that information. But it sucks even worse for them to find out on their own that you did it behind their back because betrayal is way worse. I totally agree. And I'll add to that to be with someone and can tell, you can tell if something's off or weird or losing affection for you, but they're just not saying it to you. I hate that crap. I just broke.

I was dating somebody. Quick story here. I was dating a couple guys earlier this year, and both of them knew. You're polyamorous? I don't like to label, but I also tell people that I date, depending on where I am in my life at the time. Plus, people know I'm a dating expert. So my life's probably a little untraditional anyway. But I say, you know, I'm not interested in looking, I'm not looking for anything super serious right now.

But if something develops, great. All of this to say, one of the guys, after about six months of dating, was like, listen, I think you're really great. I'm so comfortable with you, but I think that we ultimately want different things, so we probably should stop dating now. And I was like, you know what? That's hard to hear, but I'd much rather hear that,

then I could tell something that's shifted in them. So rather than me just be like, I feel something's weird, but I'm just going to ignore it. And then he cheat on me or whatever. I'm like, no, dude, just tell me what the deal is. I can take it and he told me that, and we broke up and we're friends, and that's cool.

And were you still dating another guy during that? Yeah, but he knew. He knew. Yeah, I've dated girls, too, where they wanted that commitment from me, and I tell them, ready to give you that commitment because I'm dating other people. But if you do it behind their back, it's doubly shitty because on one hand you're a coward.

And on the second hand, you're inconsiderate because you are you potentially opening them up to other sexually transmitted diseases that they might not know. Oh, please, Dr. Ah, with the health angle. Don't fucking try that shit here. He's right, though he's worried about public safety. Look, I'm not public safety. I'm giving them a fairy tale fantasy. I'm just, baby, I'm just into you. That's it.

Whatever you want. That's what I am. That's terrible. You're that box of chocolates. Until I turn into foam. You'll see. I'm fucking gone. I make it a video about that.

You're that box of chocolates where everything looks good on the outside. And then on the inside, you bite it in. Everything is that bullshit pink nougat. Pink nougat. That pink fucking nougat. You know what it's... I totally know those are the worst chocolate. It's too sweet.

It sticks to your teeth. It tastes like nothing, but it's like... Empty calories. Just a bunch of whatever. Garbage. Garbage chocolate. Garbage chocolate. I think it's a fucking con.

I think you guys can sell it, but I do think polyamory's a con. Look, man, I'm not going to defend it, and I'm not a poly evangelist. I mean, you're barely, you could barely get one girl, let alone two at a time, right? Please. Like I said last episode, Dick, I've never had normal sex. Every time I've had sex, it's been a threesome. He laughs as soon as he's a set. He's got two hands.

That's why it's a threesome. One goes up the butt, right? No, look, I just talked to a girl. at Burning Man. I don't want to just tell them. Which is like Pollyamory Central, by the way. Have you ever been? No, but I have a bunch of friends who go,

have been going for 15 years. And they can't shut the fuck up about it. We all know what happens at Burning Man. We know about the Orgy 10. We know what everybody fucks everyone. We know, we know, we know. Everybody has, okay, what's the Burning Man? This poor girl.

Poor, poor beautiful girl. Was at the Soulmate Trading Center camp, the Costco. What? And I started talking to her. And she's just been through a nine-year relationship that devolved into polyamory. Well, that never works. No. You can't go from monogamy to poly.

You've got to start poly. You have to start that way. Because you've already established some level of connection with the two of you only. They bring another person in later is just going to cause a bunch of effed-up head games. So this limbo of attachment can only exist without being, like, you can't. You got to start with that. Start polyamorous. Okay.

Well, that makes my point than any, better than anything I could say. What were you going to say about her, though? Yeah, tell us. Well, she was, she was destroyed. She was heartbroken by it. Like, she didn't, she, it was like she was waking up after a bad nine-year dream. Yeah. I had to take her back to my tent and hook up with her immediately.

Poor thing. But it was so, yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. Wait, this is your, this is your problem. What else you had to say about Paulian? I haven't even gotten into it. Yeah.

I want to tell, I want to say, one of the things that annoys me so much about Polly evangelists is that there is so much jargon that comes associated with it. It's not just a lifestyle. It's also a homework assignment. You have to, you really have to study. In fact, I have a game here. I want to play with you guys. I have a bunch of terms.

This is, like, every Polly website I've gone to, which is a lot for research. Are you a swinger now? That's a different thing, by the way, but go on. Oh, Aaron, you're going to do very well at this game. It's the Polly Glossary. Every website has one, and they all discuss all the different terms and acronyms, and there's so many. Anyway, I want to play this game with you guys.

I want to see if you guys can guess what the definition of it. I love it. Of some of these words are. All right, we're playing the poly-evangelist glossary game. All right, guys, here's the first one, FOMO. FOMO. What is a FOMO? Fear of missing out.

Oh, my, yeah, it is correct. Right? Correct, it is fear of missing out. A little excited in the buzzer over here. That's not a poly term, though. It's just a life millennial term. We've had no successful games from that side of the table so far. So this would be a first.

Go ahead. I thought it was a homosexual relationship over the phone. That seems accurate with the context of the game. That was pretty good. That was pretty good. Okay, I didn't spell it so I could see how you can mistake that. Here's another poly term. BRB.

Do you know what that means? Be right back. I'm sorry. Go ahead. What's the next one? Queening. Queening. I want everyone to chime in before I say the correct answer.

Is that when the... Oh, man. I have an idea, but I don't know. That's when you're shitting out a sparkly poop. It's like crowning, but it's... It's fancier. Is it when a girl is kind of in charge of the dynamic, the relationship dynamic, and the guy kind of bows down to her in some way, sexually?

Ooh, close. And Sean, do you have any answer? No answer. Okay. I'm going to give it to Aaron because, Aaron, you get a half a point for that. Because what it is, it's also known as face-sitting. The act involves a person who consensually forces another person, consensually forces another person, into mouth to genital or mouth-to-anel contact. And then the author's note, going ass-to-mouth is optional. So, anyway.

Where's your health safety now? That's meningitis, brother. Do it safely. Yeah, wash. Dental dams Or saran wrap This is the lifestyle you guys are living You poly guys are living

You don't know You don't know that I'm living this What's a dyad guys Next question Diyad D-D diad And you can't ask it to be used in a conversation In a sentence

Yes please use it in a sentence My boyfriend is a dyad I have no idea what is a dyad That's a terrible sentence Okay here's the correct sentence I'm in a diatic relationship with my boyfriend Does that mean that person has two boyfriends? No.

But it's not D-I. It's D-Y. Shoot, I don't know. I'm sorry, you guys are all idiots. It is something that consists of two elements or parts, so a boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, dyad. So that's just a normal relationship. They have a fucking term, diad. Why is it, D-Y?

That's weird. I don't know. It just is. It's the fucking polyscene, man. Get with it, Sean. Stupid. Yeah. Cowboy.

What's a cowboy? Next question. You're looking at him, buddy. No. Well, maybe. Oh, uh-oh. What do you say, what do you say, Aaron? I would say a guy who insists on having sex without protection.

No, I'm sorry, Sean, any answers? That was a good guess. Thank you. Based on the clues, I have no idea. A male who tries to single out a poly partner for a monogamous relationship with them. That's a cowboy. Like a poacher? Oh, interesting.

I didn't know that term. Okay, here's an easy one. What's a pansexual? Someone who is involved with anyone regardless of gender. No, it's someone who fucks Teflon pans. I'm going to give it to dick on this one. It is someone who fucks Teflon pants. I'm sorry, Aaron.

I know. That's so smart now, dating girl. That is it. My friend is a pansexual. Yeah, fucks Teflon. It cooks up some cinnamon rolls every Saturday night and fucks the pan. Yeah, puts his dick right in that glaze. Add some to it.

Now, it is, Aaron was correct. It's the attraction to all sexes and or genders and or. attractions is gender blind. So somebody who is gender blind? Yeah, they don't see gender. Okay, well, that's just, then they're blind. Then they're just regularly blind. That's just normal blind.

If you don't see gender. Okay, here's, here's, here's, here's. But isn't that bisexual? Well, what's pansexual? You could be, you know, male identifying as female, female identified as male, you could be born male, you could be born female, you could be. Hermaphroditic? Right.

Androgynous? You know what? I'm glad I'm still stupid enough to ask that question. Yep. I know a lot. Guys, here's another easy one. Here's one that I think you'll get you guys. Sean, I think you got this one.

What is a hot bi-babe? Oh, I don't know this. Hot by-babe? I mean, is it just a hot bisexual woman? Yes, what I would guess. Well, actually, so they go on in more detail. It's a mythical female that some couples seek. She is supposed to be equally attracted to both male and female in the relationship.

So this only exists on like sitcoms and stuff? It's like a unicorn. A unicorn. Unicorn. Yeah, it's another word for a unicorn. Okay, I get a point for that. Okay. Come on.

Well, I guess you bullied a point out of me. Good job. Yeah, because I'm correct. Okay. Queendom. Oh, my God. I word queendom, word wise. I'm not tossing that telling.

Okay, here we go. What is? That's what queening is. We just established it. Okay, guys, what is a metamore? M-E-T-A-M-O-U-R. Metamore. I know.

I know what it is. You know what it is? I don't know what it is? Yeah. This way, do what I do. Is it like an Optimus Prime? No, it is not. Dick, I'm sorry.

Sean, any guess? So, can I? Aaron, please. So it's basically when there's a polyamorous couple and say there's a guy who's polyamorous in the middle and he has two girlfriends, the girlfriends are metamores. So they're not, the girlfriends aren't dating each other, but they're both girlfriends of the middle guy.

Yeah. Yes. Correct. I love winning. I love it. And there is also another word for this. It's just a letter, actually. It's a V.

Yes. So, yeah, then they're the other person's V. So if you are, you're kind of like a pivot, and you're dating two girls, but neither one are in any type of relationship, either sexual or platonic with the other person. Do these people have jobs? Exactly. Do they sit around and write all these stupid glossaries all day? Yeah. And on that note, what's a paramour?

Oh, I don't know this. Any lover. It's a band, isn't it? Yeah. It's just any lover. Paramore. Yeah, I guess it could be named after that, too. What's a pirate?

This one's, I like this one. Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Dick, Sean. A pirate used to, it's used to describe an individual that claims to be Polly, but who secretly attempts to interfere with an existing relationship. Oh, see, that's BS. In order to take an individual away from that relationship. I don't like that.

I've done that a shit load. Is that, they have a word for that? A pirate. Oh, all right. Yeah. I consider fucking batting down the hatches. Baby, I'm coming aboard. Guess who's sort of in the polyamory realm now?

Who's that? Mm-hmm. If you're a pirate, that's considered to be in the world of polyamory. Yeah, but also... Well, where's my glossary? To be fair, Aaron, so is a normal relationship, a diet. True, true, true. True, true story.

They have a term for everyone and everything in here. I mean, the list just goes on and on and on. I could spend the rest of this entire show talking about these just glossary terms. No. There's polyandry, polygamy, there's polygonyony, which is... is the state or, what's it, the state or practice of having more than one wife or female mate

in your, uh, in a relationship. Polygamy. We know what polygamy is. Yeah, multiple chichy. So specifically, more than one woman is polygony. Oh. Oh. Poligamy could be a guy or girl. Oh. Yeah. Oh, yeah, right. Like there's going to be a bunch of dudes. Oh, there are. There are. There are. There are. That the fuck out of it. I worked. I worked, no, this was in Utah. I worked with one. I worked with this guy who was like, you know,

anxiously gay, which I like to describe as like, he wants to make sure you know he's gay within the first two sentences. And on top of that, this was in Utah, by the way. This was back in like 1997, maybe 98, way back in the day. He was not only gay, but he was a gay polygivist. So he had a multiple husband. Wow, wow. Yeah.

In Utah. Well, it's not that strange in Utah if you think about it. Well, think about Utah's history. Wait, no, but the gay... Yeah, the gay part of that. That's amazing. It is really weird. Yeah.

Not only is a rare for somebody to be, especially that openly gay in Utah, but also to be a polygamist. Yeah. And actually, he would be a, let's see, a polygianist. No, that's a polyan, no. There's one specifically for multiple husbands. That's what he is. Oh, okay. Wow.

Anyway, guys, this goes on and on. I'll just end on this one here. It's spice. It's the plural of spouse. Oh, my God. Kill me. Yeah, I know. Yeah, that's a lot.

No, wait, is your problem polygamy or is it this glossary? What is the problem? It's poly evangelists, Dick, because I know you have this problem with them, too. They can't talk about anything else. And by the way, the guy that we know we have in common, Aaron, I love the dude. He's a great dude. No, he is a great dude. But the poly evangelists, like...

I think he's great also. It consumes their life. They are, they queen each other. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it is. You know what it is, though? I have a same problem with monogamous who are like, this is the only way, and I judge

every other lifestyle. I feel like that's your problem. It's people in the polyamory realm who are judgmental to anyone who doesn't agree with that. I can say what you just said in three words. Say it. Get a hobby. That is their hobby.

Exactly. They need another one. They need a new one. They need anything but that. Because I am so tired of hearing about it, guys. We know it's great. We know you found your thing. But it's also like any kind of evangelism. Like, evangelism, when you think of the word evangelist, you think of a Christian evangelist, which is annoying because they're sitting there proselytizing to you their religion and their ideology.

Well, Polyamory is also an ideology and a religion too. It's their lifestyle. It's their culture. What do you want to say? No, it's a time share. That's what it is. It's people who bought a timeshare and they're telling you about how great their time share in Cabo is because they're trying to convince themselves that it's good and that they didn't just buy a piece of shit that they only give it for three weeks out of the year. That's what it is. interesting analogy, actually. Oh, it's interesting. All right, baby.

It's real interesting until you have to listen to it for more than five minutes, five seconds. I have to, I listen to all of these type things all the time doing what I do. But I just want to say that I will say, again, as a dating expert, that everyone's lifestyle choice is their choice. And so there's no right or wrong choice. But I just, I'm with you. They're all wrong. But anyone who's on. Every choice.

But anyone who's on a soapbox I get annoyed with. Yeah. So in that realm, I understand. Because if I was, if, look, if you. For some reason, it's accepted, or I shouldn't say accepted, it's tolerated. But if it were the other way around, if straight people were like, hey, you know, you guys should all just be in straight relationships all the time. Which they do. They do.

Yeah, but they're bigots. They're essentially big. Bigots! No, no, if they're the ones who are telling people, especially homosexuals who are like, you should be in straight relationships with one other person as God intended, that's annoying because it's bigotry at that point, right? Well, now you're describing bigotry. So yes. It definitely is. Straight people saying that homosexuality is a sin against God is certainly bigotry.

But it's essentially them preaching their beliefs and their lifestyles no different than polyamorists. Except we just accept polyamory because it's just a bunch of weirdos talking each other. We don't. We don't all accept it. We do in L.A. because we're in L.A. Fat weirdos. But a lot of people don't get it. Like a Renn fair. They are.

Oh, my gosh, man. It is. It's like a smelly rower. It was so fun. No, it was so fun. Wait, wait, Aaron. Did you stay after hours? No.

Oh, that's when they drop the cod pieces and the chain mail. Yeah. Start clanking swords and jousting each other. Oh my gosh, yeah. Flamming each other. They get on their gliblobs and their DLTs. They're cosplay into each other's eyes.

All right. Oh, man. Can we get a new problem? Let's get a new problem. Aaron. Time share. It's a fucking time share. It is.

I like that analogy. That is an interesting analogy. Aaron, as our guest. And again, what's your way? Let me just say that this episode is brought to. you by Harry's. Today's show's brought to me.

Harry's. Please visit Harries. com and use the promo code. Biggest problem to save $5 off your first purchase. I got a couple

people saying that they were having trouble with the, uh, the promo code. Yeah. So everybody go try and use it. So we know that it works. All right?

That's what I want to say. They make, Aaron, have you ever heard of Harry's razors before? I have not. I mean, they're marketing to men. That's why we're reading the ad on this show. Sounds sweet.

We've got a shitload of manly men listening who are probably a lot of them are single and are looking to mingle, but they also work for women. They're great for you. Women use shitty razors. Yeah, we do. You guys use shit razors. You got to use Harries. Have you ever used a man's razor?

Aaron, have you ever used a man's? If you got a couple guys staying over, they're bringing their razors in. I'm like, who wants to shave my legs for me, boys? Yeah. They're tripping over themselves. If you're the V, if you're the V, you've got one guy on each leg, you want them to use a good quality razor. Correct.

Harris. Harris. Harris.com was started by two guys who are past. It doesn't say if they're polyamorous or not. passionate about creating a better shaving experience. Yeah, you know how you'd know if they were polyamorous? They'd tell you. That's what would be called polyamorous shave.

It would be called hair, polyamorous, re, polyamorous ease. It would be hair, amorous shave. It'd be called hairyamory. Their starting kid is just $15. That includes a razor, three blades. So I know you want to switch between blades. You got your choice of blades. Every night of the week.

Choices. I like choices. And shaving cream or foaming shave gel. As an added bonus, you get five bucks off your first purchase with our code biggest problem. There you go. Sounds great. What is your problem? The beautiful Aaron.

The dating advice girl. So my problem is that from single people, especially in Los Angeles, I hear that there are no quality guys and girls. No quality guys and girls. No single quality guys and girls. All the good guys and girls are taken. That's true. Now, I've heard this a lot too. especially with regards to women.

I used to think that, and I still do. Yeah, it's absolutely true. And it's a big problem. We're not agreeing with you. It is a big problem, but I would argue that they, that just for whatever reason, for whatever reason, these guys and girls aren't meeting each other. They do exist.

I feel like. It's a big problem because most single people think there aren't any quality guys of girls, but I know differently because I meet them all the time. So what would you say the problem is then? That the quality guys and girls are not meeting each other. So they think that there are no quality guys and girls. Well, where are you meeting all these quality guys and girls? Mostly the girls.

Donald Trump rallies. Donald Trump rallies? My life coach and I bought tickets today to go see the Donald Trump rally at the USS Indianapolis. These dopes. 100 bucks. Two of them together. 100 bucks? Yeah.

He's a billionaire. You can never have too much money. Clearly. Clearly. So I meet them a lot because I go to a lot of singles events and those kind of things. But I also feel like a lot of quality guys and girls kind of avoid going out. Yeah. In some weird way, they're afraid to go out because they're like, there's nobody out there for me.

So I'm just going to stay home or I'm just going to, we're saying earlier, a lot of single girls that I know are amazing just do brunches with other girls. Or like do things only with their gender. We're talking heterosexual relationships. Or their dog. They take their little dog out to brunch and stare into each other's eyes. Yes, but you can go like dog parks. I know people who've met at dog parks before because they're dogs like,

puppy up to each other. And it's like, whew-w-w-w-row. So why do you do that? Why do you think they cloister themselves up in their apartments? Fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of someone not being interested. Okay. Fear of, like, meeting crazy people. Aaron, then I have to call you out on something. I'm sorry, those are not. Those are not quality guys and girls.

If they are the people who are too afraid of rejection. No. I'm not sure I want to meet those confidence people. It's true. I only want confident alpha males. You do not. American gladiators. They just perform the whitest high five I have ever

seen in my life. Fuck you, Sean. Use that for the fucking sound clip. That's the first time Dick and I have ever high fived on this show. That's fucking dope as shit. They are sticking across from each other and it's kind of far. They're kind of a far way. Yeah, we're making a bee right now with Aaron in the middle. That's true. I kind of are. There you go.

So Aaron, so you were saying that's not true. You think that the people who are afraid of rejection aren't necessarily bad quality people. No, no, no, no. Like, there's something, I think there are people who who maybe aren't attend on the self-confidence scale, who are amazing people. But maybe they just need to find somebody who, you know, is on the same page with them.

So if they're an eight with self-confidence, they need another eight. But also, you know, if you've gotten out of a breakup or something, your self-confidence might not be at the highest, but it doesn't mean you should be a reject either, you know? Not enough settling is what I'm hearing. I totally agree with that. Anyone who has, anyone who's asking me for getting late advice,

I'm like, look, learn to settle for less. Well, listen, I don't think you're wrong. For example, I know somebody who is, he's probably on a scale of 1 to 10, maybe a 5. And I don't mean that in a mean way. I just mean in terms of looks. He's a very average-looking guy.

What's an average-looking guy to you? Oh, man. What's an average-law on him? Yeah. A little to a lot overweight, but he knows it. So it's not like a glandular thing. It's like he knows, you know.

A little, like kind of like the letter you were reading earlier, a little not of aware of himself in terms of like what might be offensive or not. What was offensive in that letter? Should I read it again? No. You can stop. So things like that.

Okay, so let's just go ahead. I pictured that. Can I tell you what I pictured that the letter reader? Well, not the reader. The writer. The writer, yeah. Fucking watch your mouth. I'll tell you what I think the writer looked like who wrote that letter.

He probably had a really hairy mop, mop haircut, right? Too much hair. Big burns coming down the side. Chubby cheese. freckles chubby cheeks itty-bitty nose kidding a little weird yeah I guess like a French

very weird description like a French chef you know one of those like cartoon like cartoon French like a cartoon French chef like an itty-bitty nose and big chubby cheeks so chef boyardee you think is writing me about his erotic

conquest a young chef boyardee yeah a young hairy chef boyardee would you say he's a five yeah okay nail it go on so this chef boyardy type of dude was going for like nine

and tens. Yeah, ridiculous. Well, right. Well, good. That's offensive. No, that's offensive. Not good because he wasn't pulling any of them. And he's ruining it for guys like me.

So, yeah. Who deserve friends and tens. Other fives and ten. Yeah. Other five's in six. Yeah. No, no, no. But, no, but so in those ways, like, I feel like, you know, if he would go for a solid

five or maybe even a six, he would do better. And so then there would be some equal. So girls who maybe an eight are getting hit on by the Shep by R.D. Shep Boyer D5 guy And saying, I don't want to get hit on by that anymore. So I'm just going to stay at home and wallow and self-pity. Well, here's a thing. I've 100% agree with what you're saying.

Yeah. And I hate it. I hate it too. It's ridiculous because there aren't a good dude out there. And the pickup artists are causing it. They're marauding around like Mad Max exhausting resources of beautiful women. Yes. But you know, that scene is getting a big thumbs down lately.

Like there's been some bad things that have happened. Australia. There was something in Australia. Yeah, there was that guy who went to Australia. who's a real piece of shit. Like his strategy, I forget the guy's name, but his strategy, he was telling a bunch of pickup artists who came to a convention center in a hotel lobby, who paid tickets. Pay thousands of dollars. Like people go to a Trump rally, the same people.

They paid tickets. Tell me, what is this guy's name? It's in Australia, so I'm sure your man over there has probably seen him. My man? My man? No, no, the new man. Chef Boyardee. Yeah, Chef Boyardee.

Oh, Chef Boy, R.D. Okay. So anyway, they went to this rally And this guy was talking about his approach In Japan, he said, because as a white guy in Japan, You're going to clean house Because a lot of Japanese women generally like white guys. To them, it's exotic.

Yes. Also the same thing in Greece. Greek women love white guys and... Well, except for Angelo's mom. Except for, wow. She likes someone guys, buddy. But yeah, no. So he was saying in Japan, it's so easy to pick up women

that you could just go up to them and make out with them. And he started doing that, and he went to some places. And the girls, like, were uncomfortable about it, but they kissed back eventually. But it's like, but then... A little peppy Lepewee. It is. It is a little peppy-le-pewy. Very rapy.

It's rape-adjacent, you know? Which is close enough to be... It's close enough. You don't do that. If somebody did that to me, guy or girl, I'd be upset. Oh, really? Behind. analogy though if like proof it's never happened to you go ahead no but say you're heterosexual if someone of the same of your same gender came up to you and did something like that and you would be offended then it's probably not okay yeah because you're also making an assumption about their sexual orientation you're also making an assumption about their relationship they think you're attractive yeah like how arrogant are you to think that every japanese girl is gonna think you're hot you guys don't have to explain that sexual assault is bad like you don't have to do it

explain why walking around assaulting women is wrong. Well, some people. We know this. It's illegal. Dick, I'm just, I'm being thorough because it's in the glossary. Yes, yes, yes. So what was his thing in Australia? What do you mean?

He was telling guys to just go to Japan and just start making out with chips. He made a thousand dollars to learn how to walk up to a Japanese girl and stick your tongue in her mouth? Like, this guy's a real piece of shit. Anyway, he did, he was one of the, you know, he's kind of like, uh, probably, probably the worst of the pickup artist scene. So you were saying that that's kind of a negative rap. Yes, well, and I mean, it's made it so that the world is kind of seeing it more as a predatory thing. Whereas if you went like 10 years back, it would be like, there's this thing. So a lot of, I know some pickup artists personally, and a lot of them are changing their brands right now because it's seen as something that's not, that guys don't want to do now.

Which is good in some ways. I know Neil Strauss. He's the guy who wrote the game. Totally. He wrote the book. And he's a great dude. Yeah, yeah. Very personable, one of the most affable people I've ever met, very generous, very friendly, very knowledgeable, makes you feel comfortable, because he's worked on himself.

Right. And I read the game. I did too. I have a copy of it. Yeah. I thought it was a great book. Yes. Because he talks about in the early chapter of that game in the prolog, he talks about the necessity for the game because he says that as men, we are taught how to throw footballs and how to change a tire and how to change our oil and all these things.

Not even now. No, that is true. Not now. Back in the day, but not. Boys now don't know. But he said that we are never taught how to flirt properly, how to approach women. True. Really?

No. Did I learn all of this stuff? You didn't. You haven't. Nobody's taught any of this stuff unless it's from like a brother or the internet, which is wrong. Yeah, Dick, I, I mean, I love you, man. And I think you can do. I think you should do.

You better watch you. Listen, I'm coming on to you here. No, but I think I think. think that if guys knew some of these techniques, and ultimately it all comes down to this. Neil Strauss said that you could either study the game or you could take an improv class and then

be confident. Like that's all it is. I can summarize it in two concepts. One, be confident. Two, be interesting. That's it. Social skills. Yeah, but let's be honest, you got to keep that improv shit to yourself. Because what girl wants to say they fucked an improv comedian? No one. Exactly zero. That's disgusting. You keep it

inside, you bottle it up like a dirty secret. It is dirty. Never let it out. Because as soon as they get that stink, they smell that stink on you, they're out the door. No, but I like, I do like comedy, by the way. I really do. It is a turn on for me. But I will say, I've sat in on a lot of the... Is that true?

What? That you like comedy? You like it as... No, no, I love comedy. I've dated some comedians. You like it as a dressing, though. No, no, I like it. You, okay, okay, wait, let me... That's a whole other topic, though. Okay, well, I'm just saying. I hear girls say I like

funny guys. I do. But it's like you like the funny as the whipped cream on the on the cake. If someone can make me laugh, it's a bigger turn on than a lot of other things. Hey, how about a pie in the face, huh? I don't want that. I don't want a pie in my face. No, I don't.

But, okay, just to wrap up, just really quick. So the pickup parts, I've sat in on their workshops where guys are there, nerdy guys who've never had a girlfriend, virgins, whatever. And I walked in as a girl being like, I'm the only girl here. I'm going to hate these guys. And I, you know, I'm like, there's actual things that these guys can learn. They're getting, they're learning social skills just to get comfortable communicating with people. That is worth a lot.

I really, I really do feel like, but I also feel like anything can be used for good or evil. So you teach dating advice, too, right? I do. I do workshops and things. A lot of it's social skills and communication, honestly. Yeah. And getting clear on what you want. So essentially those two rules that I've narrowed down, that I boiled the game down to, which is be interesting. Be interesting and be confident.

But how do you just be confident? Yeah, that's what every time we go over this. He's got no follow-ups for that. I got some answers to that. I can tell you how I personally became confident, right? I'd rather hear the experts version, but if you please go ahead. Well, I want to hear that. Do you have a...

Yeah, yeah, I have a couple things. Okay, what's your approach? So for confidence, try something new, accomplish something. So like maybe there's some hobby or guitar or something like that. Right? Or like a Midori sour. Okay. Right?

Like try something new. at the bar. No, no, no. Like, something that you have to have to make with your hands or learn or something like that. That's really great. I always tell people right before a date if they're nervous and they don't have confidence. Do something like go to the gym. Like do something that's going to pump you up and make you feel awesome. Like take a big shit. If that makes you feel awesome, then yes. Okay. Well, then go. You don't like that one? That's fine. You can't go queening on your date. No cleaning for you. Well, some people are into that too. Yeah, that's a crusty queen. That's what they call those. It's in the glossary. Is it really? No, I just made that up. Aaron, that's really good advice.

Ultimately, I did that. What's yours? I did that. Well, for me, for me, I lost a lot of weight. I lost 70 pounds. Amazing. My problem as a single guy was, I was, oh, I was always that dude, the chump, who would go to a bar and look it around and I'd think,

oh, none of these girls are good enough for me. And I would dismiss them. I would dismiss them outright. And I was wondering, I had this inkling in the back of my mind that I might be doing it as a self-defense mechanism. Totally. Right? Because I'm afraid of rejection. And then I thought one day I'm going to test myself.

I'm going to go pick up a girl who I had no interest. Oh, I love this. I love this. I love this. So I walked right up to this solid five. Love it. The five is a little generous. And I was not.

So this is the Chick-Chef Boyardee. The Chick-R-D. All right. Yeah. Like the mom in Goonies. Oh, no. Wait, is she a five? No, she's like a, she's a two on a good day.

So this girl's a solid vibe, right? I walk up to her and I just start talking to her, like thinking I'm doing this chick of favor. She shut me down so hard. I was really, my head was spinning. I was shut down so hard. And I thought, holy shit, I suck. I have no game.

Oh my gosh. And so that's when I realized it's a problem I needed to work on. And I did. It took a long time. Well, that's self-awareness, which is amazing, right? That can help a lot of people too. Anyway, I could go on and on. But Dick, we should get to the,

your problem. Thank you, Aaron. Good problem. Awesome. So, wait, what is the problem that we're voting on? There's not enough good people out there to date. No quality single guys and girls, is that? Because everybody kind of sucks. Wouldn't you agree? Yeah. Just like everyone's awesome. You could say anything, any statement like that. I like where this is going. Yeah. You can say words. Exactly.

All right. How much time do I have? We got time. Yeah. What's your problem? We're pressing on. No, no, let's hear it. We can go a little bit over. We want the problem. This is my problem. I'll give you a short version of this. It's another Burning Man story. I don't want to go.

But this one's relatable to everyone, though. It's not specifically about Burning Man. Okay. Because this is a big problem. I agree that there's not a lot of, there's no one good out there. That's a big problem. And I agree that a glossary is a problem or whatever you're putting. Fuck you.

But this is a big problem because it goes for all men and women. So you're typical night, right? Typical Tuesday night. You're at a makeshift disco in the middle of the desert. Everyone can relate to that. Everyone can relate to this already. You see a beautiful girl, Eastern European-looking girl. Dark features, dark hair.

It looks like she hasn't eaten in weeks. Or showered in weeks, yeah. Well, yeah, a couple days. You don't stink out there. Do you think it's a bunch of stinky hippies out there? I know it's a bunch of stinking hippies. I don't think. You don't stink out there.

Some of them stink before they even get there. Exactly. Beautiful girl. Bones from head. from all over her body. Ribs that I want to play like a xylophone. You like skinny girl. Five or six collar bones.

I don't know how many collar bones a girl has, but you can see all of them. Okay. So I walk up and I'm speaking the language of dance to this girl. This is what, everyone does this. We're communicating in the way that you communicate without words, right? Sex? With the movements of your body, not yet.

Don't get ahead of yourself, all right? Oh, I got to speed this up. All right. No, let's hear it. I want to hear it. No, no, no, no, no. So we're getting it on on the dance floor, right? We're talking.

Okay. We move. We, after a couple hours, things are going very well. A couple of hours. Yeah, you're hanging out, you're drinking. This is a typical Tuesday night, like I said. Yes. She loses her lights, her light strings in the porta potty, right?

As happened. Her what? A string of lights. You have to be lit up all the time. Or you'll get run, or you'll get hit by someone on a bicycle, some fucking asshole on a bicycle, not looking where he's going. Probably you. You were on a bike out there.

No, I couldn't because my bicycle got stolen at Burning Head. Yeah. So I give her my light-up heart necklace, right? That I bought for $2.50 off Amazon before I went because I thought something like this might happen. And it's beautiful. It's very precious to her, right? Because it's a heart. We do like hearts.

We do like hearts. We do. We do. Yeah. So she says to me I feel sick I want to go home Oh

Right To her tent home To her tent home She doesn't specify All right So we're walking We're walking across We're walking across the desert

As you do Things are going well You know We're talking It's kind of romantic actually Yeah I'm using my bathrobe As like a leash And whipping her around

And it's making her bark Stuff like that And she goes She says She says the magic magic words to me is where we start making out in the desert I just want to taste

yeah right there she says this oh yeah yeah yeah yeah is that the female version of asking for the tip I've never heard that before yeah I don't know you gotta know you can't have a stupid look on your face no no I'm really I'm a girl says I just want to taste you can't say what what exactly do you want a taste of

young lady Dick, I let that out on the podcast, but when I'm in that moment, I have a good sex poker face. Even if I don't know, I said, oh, let's do it. Literally? Go ahead. Oh, yeah, I have a great sex poker face. What is your sex poker? My sex poker face?

Like, I know you do. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, right? That was pretty good. That was pretty good. It was. Oh, thank you. Yeah, but then what if she just stands there waiting for it?

No, no. Then what do you do? No, no. Because in that moment, Dick, right? Give it to me the taste. Right, here we are. Here we are. We're already close to each other.

Okay. We're in an embrace of a time, right? We just, like, continue down that path, and I, like, kind of move my hands down her body, like a map, like a navigator, exploring the new world. Oh, boy. And then I... What, Aaron is...

Right? No, this is great. Please continue, please. Like an explorer, like Magellan, right? The new world, exploring the new world. I'm trying to find the edge. Yeah. You know what?

This is your story, Dickie. Go ahead. So, you know, she's... She starts working the, she starts mock-fiving my joystick, right? Wow, wow. Is this real? This is a real story. This is happening to me. I'm getting to the biggest, the biggest problem in the universe, the biggest erotic problem in the universe.

Oh, gosh, I'm nervous. All right. So, of course, she's taking a taste, right? Working it around. Maybe being a little indulgent, too, if I might say, more than a taste. What next thing you know? Too much. You said just a taste.

It's one bite, lady. Back up. Next thing you know, a pirate ship drives by, as happens, as happens, shining the headlights right on us. Yeah. Oh. And I'm like, I'm like, all right, I'm feeling a little bit bad for her, right? But they're like, wait a minute, it's my dick they're looking at. Right? And I'm okay with that. Yeah.

She's okay with it. These people are cheering, are cheering us on. Yeah. Awesome. Wow. Right? Awesome. It's like, all right, all right. That's enough. We got to get back to the tent. We got to get back to the tent. So we're in the tent. You're in the tent, as you are, ripping each other's, clothes off. Okay? Throwing dust. How are you sleeping bag?

Her pulling your bathrobe off and you pulling the necklace off that you just gave her. Trying to but it's caught in my hair and I'm like oh fuck it, I'll get a later. Because I don't want to rip my hair out. Oh my gosh. I love it. So we're doing some hand stuff

right? I'm doing more. There's not enough, not mutual. She's not doing enough hand stuff, right? And I'm thinking... Yeah, but she just gave you a freaking like blowjob, right? Yeah. But then... What do you want from this girl?

You wanted to escalate. Was that a hand job or blowjob? What does she get? She gave me a blowjob. Okay. What does she get? Uh, a sexual experience, unlike anything else. You hear this sultry voice talking in your ear right now.

That's what she's... You can't just get that anyway. So I'm thinking, okay. All the good stuff better not have been in the preview for this movie. That's what I'm thinking. Yes. Right? You know what I mean?

I do know what you mean. Because some girls will get in bed and then they're done. Guys, too. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. No, no, no, no, well, yes. It happens to both.

Go on. So she's like, do you have a condom and of course? You don't? No. Yeah. Of course, what he means by, of course, is he starts to try to talk her out of it for the next 30 minutes, right? So we're banging for 20 minutes, right? She's shaking like a Quaker the whole time.

20 minutes. That's probably, I don't think you got a 20 minutes. I didn't have a stopwatch. You don't think I have 20 minutes in me? No, I don't think you got 20 minutes. I think you, I think maybe six tops. Six minutes. I know, Dick.

He doesn't, he doesn't, he can't go the mile. He can't go the long haul, man. I know you don't got 20 minutes in you. Are you fucking kidding me, man? I can lay still and do nothing for hours. You don't think I can make it 20 minutes? Tush. So I'm building a symphony, right?

I'm conducting a symphony with my hips now here. But this is an erotic story. Your fucking thing was a dictionary. This is an erotic. Ninth episode story. This is great. And she's giving me all the taps, right? Like here, you know, you know, the Morse code, the chicks speak as they're approaching

orgasm? Okay. Tap tap, tap, tap. I bet you meant the tap out like, I'm, it's not going to happen. Well, that's what it. Oh, no. I don't even know what that is. Yeah.

It's like, oh, I'm done. That's enough. Like tap, tap, tap. I can't take any. Like I've achieved. Exactly. Right. Like I've achieved orgasm and I can't take any more.

I'm exhausted. And it's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. It's not going to. Avenue. Yeah. Okay, so she's giving me the tap like, here, here it comes, here comes here. Oh, okay. And you're like, awesome, all right, you know, me too.

Let's get, let's move this along so we can eat some bar snacks that I bought at Walmart. Oh, my God. On my way through Reno and go to sleep, right? And then you wake up and start over again. Typical, typical Tuesday night. Yes, yes. So the taps are coming, but nothing's happening here, right? Okay.

And then finally I just, I got to go. Like, you're, we're not synced up here. I'm done. I'm out. And by go, you mean coming. I got a lot of problems with the story, but go on. I can't wait to hear it. So why?

Yeah, what happened? I know. So I pull out and it's over, right? I'm like, well, there you have it. She's like, well, what? You want to try again? I'm like, what am I? 23?

Right? I'm like, oh, shit, you're probably 23. I'm like, well, no. Sorry. That's my problem. My problem is the female orgasm. That's my problem. Is the female orgasm?

Here's the question. Did you try to please? lease her in any way after your penis was done. Didn't you hear about the leash stuff that I was doing? The leash stuff. Yeah. Hands. Hands.

Of course. Not of course. I mean, look, I got, I felt like I had just strangled Slimer the ghost. When we were with my hand stuff. There was so much hand stuff. That's what I'm. I know, but did she orgasms? How does she get this?

Did she order? That's a bags of sand comment. What are you talking about, Slimer the Ghost? What are you talking about? Do I? Do you wait, do what is he talking about? You know what I'm talking about. Lots of...

Lots of... Lots of lubricants. Yeah. Like, she was... Okay. She was very well. She was very into it. Sure.

You know what I'm saying? Did she have an orgasm? No. That's your fault. Yeah. That's my fault! Yes, you should have done whatever you could to make her finish. I did.

Since you did. No, you didn't. What else could I have done? Because after you came, there's hands you could have used and oral things and et cetera. After I'm very tired. Oh, I'm out. I've been drinking all day. Ladies, ladies, listen.

any ladies listening? Seriously, that All two of you. All two of you, ladies one and two, like seriously, if a guy, sorry, that's a huge deal breaker. It's a deal breaker, right? Oh, yeah. Kevin, who cares? What are you going to break? You're going to take it back? Wow.

Come on, it's very difficult. Hey, but that's true, though. What you're saying? Look, the female orgasm is not easy. It's a lot in your head. True. And I think any woman who says it's not on your head, like it's a mechanics thing, is totally fucking wrong. I think it's a mixture of both.

But we are very cerebral, so it is maybe like 52%, 60% in our head. Yeah. Rather than, you know. So how am I supposed to fix that? Are I supposed to break out my armchair psychology book and fix it on the spot? If she was that turned on, if she was that turned on and that wet, she was into you. So it wouldn't have taken much. That's all I'm saying.

I've only ever been with two girls who couldn't. And could they never? Could they ever? They had never, like a few of them had made. maybe had like one orgasm, even while masturbating. This is what I'm talking about. Yeah, there was something going on. It's probably not one of the, it's really rare, actually, girls who can't masturbate,

who can't orgasm while masturbating. I think it's more, it's more common than you think. Oh, really? Yeah. Girls who can't. That girls fake all the time. Oh, no, well, no, I, the girls, here's how I know that they weren't faking. Yeah.

It's because we've had, they're usually girls through a lie detector test. They're usually girls, I've had, I had sex with multiple times, and sometimes they said, it's not going to happen today, and other times I said it is. And, you know, and either way, it's fine. I don't, it's, the orgasm is not always... Or that they were lying about the times that they did. No, they weren't. How do you know?

Oh, there were tails. There were, there were plenty of tells. What kind of towels? What do you look for? Oh, stringling slimer of the ghost? There you go. She got that instantly. I did. I'm a girl.

I get it. No, no, I mean, I thought that could be it, but I also thought maybe she had a sweaty back for some reason. Nine and ten's only, buddy, at Burning Man. Nine's and tens only. Yeah, covered in a nice... No, look, look, look, look. Only 57% of women usually have orgasms when they have sex with a partner.

Compared to men having 95% of the time men having an orgasm. That's why there's oral stuff and hand stuff. But you're saying it's, you're saying that it's the men fault for not getting them there, and I totally disagree. I said it's the man's fault if after he comes, he does not try to get her off. Because sometimes you just can't. Sometimes you're sliding against an asymptotic line that just will never get there. Your mouth still works, buddy.

Mm-hmm. down there. So you do this? If a woman can't get off, you're spending the next three hours eating around instead of playing dark soul? Why do I fucking not believe that? Here's the thing. No wonder that book's not getting written.

Now I'm just feasting on a banquet. Fresh feast. Some guys very much enjoy three hours of all of that. Yeah. No, it's true. It's true. Here's a thing. Here's a thing.

If a girl can't orgasm, it's usually because you haven't built. to comfort level with her. You need to... Should ask her about her dad more. That's when she's fucking done. You're right. No, you fuck.

What you do is you build a comfort level with a girl and she needs to feel comfortable with you. Absolutely. A lot of times, especially the first time you have sex with someone, there's that anxiety like, oh my gosh, she's seeing me naked, she's seeing me naked. I'm very vulnerable.

This person's inside me. You need to build that comfort level. And then once you do, once you're there, you just land the plane, baby. Yeah. Not to mention, I mean, girls are so self-conscious. Did I tell you about the bar snacks, though? That's very comfortable.

Share some bar snacks with her after you finish her off. Yeah. So it's all my fault? He's like, hmm. It's not all your fault. I got her there eventually. Oh, you know. Well, next day.

Okay. Well, there you go. That's something. Yeah, but it's still, it ruined my, it ruined the whole experience for me. Right? And that's what it happens. It's all about you.

Yeah. What is it about? What do you mean? Oh, man. No, no, but you're right. The female orgasm is very elusive sometimes. And every girl's different. And every girl's parts are different.

You know, the way things are situated. Some have tits on their back. Right? Some are Chinese and have ease, apparently. That guy's a liar. Chef Boyard is a fucking liar. Unless she had implants. She could have had implants.

It's a very elusive. It's a very lusive thing, the female organ is. We'll never figure it out. No, some guys are very good at figuring it out. Yeah, but some, see, you say that. And some women are good at figuring out. pop off like a fucking slot machine ready to go.

Right. Are you the one that's going to try to figure it out? Are you going to go the extra mile? You're a Bush guy. Stay the course. Bush guy, what do you mean? Finish the job.

No, no. See, you got to specify now because Jet Bush is involved. I'm a GW. GW. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant Bush. No, not that Bush.

70s. No. No, like Harry. Yeah, yeah, I know. Female Body Part. I know you're saying. Oh, yes. We have a sponsor.

Come on, please. We've never seen a hairy. Harriers. What is it? Harriers? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

The ladies who listen to the show, trust me, that's not an issue. So you're saying guys should try harder. Yes. Because she's going to want to do it with you more if you try. Are you a one and done kind of guy, Dick? Like after you're done, you know, you hook up maybe once or twice. You're out.

You lose interest? Oh, yeah. You're polyamers. That's not polyamorous. That's not polyamorous. It's just being a jerk. Well, that's in the conversation. I'm going to be telling you about this lifestyle, buddy.

Very interesting. The survey found the survey in Cosmo that I read to prepare for this. Oh, look at you. Up to 67% of women have ever faked an orgasm. Why can't you guys just do that all the time? It should be 100%. Because you know why? Because the times, this is personal experience,

the times where it hasn't happened for me, especially when I was like in my 20s and such, guys get so offended. And it's like their mood totally changes and they can't snap out. Oh, I couldn't make it happen for it. Oh my God. So, Sunni's Girls will just fake it. Yeah, it's good manners.

Thank you for the sexual experience. I'll fake an orgasm now. There's no episode of Seinfeld here in this, right? There's a total episode of Seinfeld here. And then Jerry got so mad. You were faking, you were faking? Nobody wants that. I don't care enough about it either way.

Like, don't fake it. I just, I mean, do it. If you're going to have an orgasm, then great. And if you don't, then that's fine. And sometimes, it goes both ways, too, actually. You know, sometimes after like a night of passionate lovemaking, you know? You'll fake an orgasm? You bring in like a gogurt and spray it all over.

I came so close. I came so close to faking one time. And finally I'm like, why am I getting my head here? How are you going to fake it? Oh, I thought about this way far ahead in advance. He had sound effects on his cell phone, but he's going to hide under the covers and play. Yeah, here's the sound effect. That's what I pull out of.

That's me. It's a sound effect. It's gasping. No, I almost came to that point where I thought I might have to fake this because, I mean, shit's just going to be broken tomorrow if I go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, she shit wears out.

It gets raw. It gets sore. Yeah. So then eventually I'm like, baby, it's not going to happen. I appreciate the effort. You're riding me like a fucking rodeo bowl. But this is, it's not going to happen tonight. Right.

Thank you. Yes. This is great. Let's do it again. Oh, you think. Thank you. Yeah. And then if they're mature, they won't.

If you're the type of person gets all butt hurt because someone does an orgasm, fuck off. It's not about you. You can still enjoy sex and not necessarily have an orgasm. Totally agree. Yeah. So I did the right thing. No, because you just get. gave up when you were done.

What? I'm tired. What am I? You want to me to force it into it? Yes. That's assault. Guess what? That's not a winner's mentality, my friend.

I'll take a sleepy loser then. I guess. I'm fine with that. All right, guys. My problem this week was poly-evangelists. Aaron? No good guys and girls out there to date. Who are single. And Dick, you got late.

The female orgasm. is my problem. I think that one's going to win. Of course it's going to win because it's fucking impossible to do. It's not impossible. I don't even know that it's actually real. Is there any scientific evidence that the female orgasm exists? Yes. No. Yes and no.

Zero. It's actually never been documented. Dick, any voicemail song? Well, let's say, what would you like to plug while you were here? Oh, okay. We may have had some differing opinions, Aaron. Yeah, but you guys are awesome. This is so fun. Thank you. I don't want everyone to agree with me all the time. It's boring. Hmm. That's interesting. Okay, I don't know what that means.

All right. Dix is unfamiliar with this concept of disagreement. Oh, I love it. I love it. No, thanks for having me. Again, my name is Aaron Tillman, the dating advice girl. My website, the datingadvicegirl.com. I am on a bunch of social media things, including Twitter at dating advice gRL and

Instagram at dating advice gRL. Just go to my website, the dating advice girl, or Google me. The datingadvicegirl.com. Yes. We're going to link to it on the website as well as a picture. We took a bunch of pictures before the show. You did. Short shorts as well.

We'll post some photos on there. And Sean, I'm going to do a toss to this so we can patch it in before I announce the end of the show right here. So I'm just going to say, oh, and Aaron, before we go, do you have anything you wanted to plug? Why, I said it. I should get credit for being nice. I know, but we need a clean cut. Go ahead, say it. So, Aaron, do you have anything you'd like to plug?

Yes, I do. Just do it. Just do your version. Okay. Fucking asshole. Yeah, right before. Yeah. Am I peaking all my stuff or no?

No, no, you're fine. We'll just, we'll patch it up. Well, thanks for remembering, Dex. I appreciate it. All right, you got anything else? Oh, yeah. I do. I got some, I got some voicemails.

Oh. Wait, are these lady voicemails? From women? Occasionally. They like Sean. They really like Sean. Yeah, they love Sean. Yes.

Hey, fuck you, Maddox. Why are you comparing people who can't because of people who can't do that? All right. Fuck that. Like, I guess. When you do your base, like you need to know your basic math, like your addition, subtraction, your, uh, maybe some multiplication of vision, you start adding fucking, uh, letters in it.

Then it's getting out of fucking control, all right? Nobody gives a shit. Nobody gives a shit about a logarithm. The only type of people is doing stuff like that or engineers of some sort. You know, nobody gives a fuck if you can do math or not. That's true. It's completely totally different. You sound like the type of douchebag

does math problems on a Saturday night fucking asshole. Uh, Dick, you're all right. Yeah. Okay. Wow, really compelling argument. You know, all I heard during that voicemail was this. Fucking dipshit monkey, moron, dullard.

Bottom feeder, who doesn't appreciate the shoulders of the giants he's standing on to get here. That fucking voicemail that you left, Dickhead, entirely built on mathematics. systems entirely built on the backbones of mathematics. True. Don't even appreciate it. Good. All right. Thank you, Aaron, for joining us.

Thanks for having me. Yes. And you're on your website. Can we get tips on the female orgasm at all, or is it just? I don't, but I give tips on how to figure out if you want to sleep with someone or not. Whoa. Yeah, there would be a good choice for you. What are the signs that you want to sleep with someone? Dix says that they're breathing. Well?

Well, did they show some level of interest in you and not just. all about them, them, that's one. Okay. You know, would you be comfortable having them in your house, you know, or going to their place? Because if you don't have, if you don't, some of these people are hot and you're like, anyway, go to my website, the datingavisgirl.com. Build that comfort.

Next thing you know, they're in Comtown. Oh my God. All right. Next week I got some great follow-up stories. My man, my man, I got friend engaged with my man at Burning Man. I got to tell you about that. Friend engaged. He got a lot of flack for being on this show, by the way, from the people in North Cal, who are all amazing people.

We got a lot of fans up there. And I've got the continuing story of the time I shit in my dad's underpants. Great. More shit stories. I love it.