The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 7

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. I'm Maddox with music Masterson. Hey, what's up, buddy? You have had a banner week. I have. Can I bring this up first? Let's do it. Your new video, uh, the life, what did you call it?

Life hacks? It's things you're doing wrong every day, and it's calling everything. You're doing everything wrong every day. And it's all about life hacks. And if I could summarize real quick, it's basically shitting on life hacks. Right. Because they're all stupid and worthless, and I never realized how much. I hated them and how much everyone hates them until I watched your video. I love it. I think it's your favorite I think it's my favorite video of yours that you've ever done. Yeah, thank you. It's actually gone

I I it's it's gone really popular. I'm not going to use the word viral because it pisses me off when people do it and I'm not even gonna say it I'll say it's gone viral. Okay, I don't mind. Thank you. Thank you for saying that It has in less than a week I just hate it so much. It makes my skin crawl. It makes my dick shrivel. It's gross. It's gross. But the video in under a week has gotten over six hundred thousand views. It's being linked everywhere. In fact, yeah. So I was shitting on this website called Food Beast, because they have all these shitty life hacks, and they even tweeted at me, and they said, hey, we're big fans. Yeah, but I feel like, with

you, you're like an insult comic. Like, if you shit on something I did, I would be, like, so happy. That's how you know you've made it. You're going to be real happy in just a minute, buddy. Okay, well, just wanted to start things off nice and compliment you on a cool video, but

go ahead and whatever you're going to say. You know what? Let's also mention that, so I promoted the podcast on the front page for the first time, and even in spite of that, the podcast is hugely successful. We have over 52,000 downloads in just over a month. Cool. Which is an insane amount for a newly launched podcast. So, you know, this is great. Keep it up.

Keep listening to every episode. Thanks for listening. Yeah. So let's look at the board last time. We had. So the first problem, the number one problem from last week is people who can't eat spicy food. cleaned house. All right.

And you know, I just want to say one thing about that. I didn't even get to this point last time I wanted to make. Here we go. This is like your victory lap. Every week, every week you win and every effing week you take a victory lap and shove it down. What else? What more reasons do you have to be in first place? No, I didn't even get to this last time.

I just wanted to say that other people's inability or unwillingness, let's say unwillingness to eat spicy food, affects me. because then it causes restaurants to dumb down their spiciness. So if you order spicy, they think, oh, this is a pussy who can't handle it, just like every other customer. So they give you mild. Yeah, they give you mild. So I can't get real spicy food because of these idiots.

So anyway, I wanted to add that. So after that is non-apologies and then condoms. Non-apologies? Yeah, non-apologies. Huge problem. You know, I got to pay you another compliment, which I hate to do, especially this early, but your problems really pissed me off last week. I don't know why.

You mentioned that. I went home and when we started this podcast, I was like, okay, just don't, I'm never going to let these dumb problems get to me. But after the last episode, I went home, I fumed about it, I was thinking about it all night. I don't know why. I don't know what about that non-apology thing pissed me off, but it really does. It still does. Yeah.

Yeah, well, there's something you think about it that everyone does and it pisses me off. And I don't know what it is. Well, we have some comments actually about your perspective on non-apologies. This is from David Razzie. So he quoted you. You said in the last episode, Sorry is a magic word that you used to make people stop talking. He said, these are the words of a sociopath.

And then, yeah. What is he like a psychologist? I don't, I mean, he looks like he might be a psychologist. He's wearing a tie. And then. I doubt it. I doubt that he knows whether or not I'm a sociopath. I have emotions.

Yeah, too many. Too many, I would say. I am experiencing rage right now. And then sometimes I experience a distinct lack of rage. Those are two very clear emotions. Well, he's got you there, David. What do you have to say about that? Yeah.

And then this one's from Menso Pulsimus Mayhas. I don't even know how to pronounce this. He says, I think Dick wins this round. Yes. Just for this gem of a line. What does sincerity have to do with it? as there is just undeniable proof that he doesn't get the first thing about the point of apologizing. Look, and I really think I'm right on this stupid apology thing, and that's what upsets me so much.

Everyone disagrees. So, you have some comments, too. Yeah, let's hear him. Okay, this is from Jay the Spartan on Twitter. Okay. Dick Masterson, loving the show, you're bringing the balls to it every week. Maddox must have shoved his in his ass. Wait, he continues.

To each their own. Take that. What was his name? Jay the Spartan. Jay the Spartan. Jay the Spartan, I want you to eat a dick. No, so I may not have won the votes, but I guess I'm bringing the balls to the podcast, man. What can I say?

Bringing the balls, please. I got another one, too. I think this guy's also shitting on you. Matt, Matt Tamberlin or something. I didn't write his last name on. Maddox, if you hate monkeys. so much, which was one of your problems. Hate monkeys. Why do you have one as a co-host?

Oh. So he's got you there. If you hate monkeys so much, why do you? I think that's on my side. I think he's aping on you. I think that's like... Whoa. Bo. Yeah, I'm not a fan of monkeys.

I got an email from somebody. I'm not sure if he ced you on this or not, but this is from Miguel, and he says he's a sex worker. Yeah, I mean, not a... Not a sex worker. He works in the, you know, sex industry? Sex, I guess. What do you mean?

What does he do? He says, okay, I totally, I totally misrepresented. Is he phone sex operator? No, he says, as a worker in the health sector. Oh, so he could be like a doctor or a nurse. He's probably a doctor and he's. And you're presenting him like a prostitute, like a male prostitute. So this hooker emails me.

Okay. And here's his name. Here's his name, Miguel. And he says, as a worker in the health sector, I have something to say about not wearing condoms to Dick Masterson. Since he likes brief emails, I'll write a short response. Already too long. He says, I'll write a short response and a long response.

The short response is, shut the fuck up, Dick Masterson. Why? What did I do? Well, that's in the long response. He gets into it. It's actually really long, and this is even long. Is it pro condoms? Yeah, it's pro condoms.

Okay. But he essentially, I want to read this first sentence because I've been thinking about a lot. This actually makes sense. Being healthy is not black and white thing. It's within a spectrum. So you can do things that will, increase or decrease your chances of being healthy. So you can't reasonably assure that they'll make you healthy. For example, the only thing that would absolutely assure that nobody got lung

cancer was if you had no lungs, right? But since that's... Yeah. Right. But since that's ridiculous, then what you can do is, like, improve your odds of not getting lung cancer. So, I think that's what the case is making about condoms. Yeah, I read a comment where a guy said it's, what did he call me? I wrote it down. Let me find it. A sociopath. No, no, no, it wasn't the sociopath, one of the monkey one. Oh, yeah, here we go. Justin from New Jersey says, suggesting people not use condom is irresponsible and stupid.

Like, you know, I just want to say, everybody already hates them. It doesn't matter. I'm not, I'm just saying it's a big problem. You know, we didn't even mention pregnancy, so there's that. Yeah. Well, let's move on. I'm just saying it's another base. Yeah.

Like, you got the bases, right? Yeah, yeah. You're coming in, you're making a home run, man. You're sliding into the plate. You're scoring. The catcher drops the ball. And then the umpire goes, you're out. You got to wear a condom.

So now the bases are, when you're scoring, you've got to stand up and argue with the umpire for 10 minutes. And pretend like you're not arguing with the umpire about whether or not you have to wear a condom. Do you see what I'm saying? Crystal clear. Do you really see what I'm saying? Absolutely not. Sean, the audio engineer.

Thank you for all your hard work. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you understand what I'm saying that a condom is like adding an extra base after home base or between third and home? I do, but I think I picked the wrong time to tune out. All right, I'm done talking. Let's get the problem. Okay, what do you got this week? My first problem is armchair psychologists.

Oh, wow, very apropos. Yeah, because that guy, and that guy, David, is the one who set me off on this. Sorry is a magic word you say to make people stop talking. These are the words of a sociopath. Is that really the problem you brought in today? Yeah, that's really the problem. Oh, that's amazing. Because I got so pissed off last week from your problems that I decided,

fuck it, I'm already pissed off. I'm going to read the comments. Great. And I found that one. It's like, well, this is what everyone does now. Yeah. Like, you say one thing wrong. You say one, like, honest thing.

Right. And you're a sociopath. Wow. It's like everybody just, everybody's living in an episode of Dexter now. They're running into sociopaths and psychopaths all day, when in reality, they're just assholes. Who's asshole? The people, you're just an assuple.

I'm in this case. I'm just an asshole. Like, I'm not a sociopath with a misconfigured brain who can't function in society. Well, sociopaths are usually highly functional, right? I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. I'm not an armchair psychologist. That's my point.

Well, that's fair. Okay, but to play devil's advocate here, I don't think. Okay. Go. I mean, you might be. No, but that's what I want to say is, is, so he's probably wasn't seriously. this isn't an actual diagnosis. He's not actually saying,

you're a soci-o-he's saying it as an insult, like as a fuck-you. Oh, that's the new version of asshole. He's calling someone a sociopath? Right, to give them an armchair analysis, I think. You see, I think that you mean what you're saying, and it's probably true in some cases. Yeah.

But I think the majority of people actually think that their arm-chair psychologist. Like, I think it gives them some sick power to sit on their high horse and assign these like quasi-medical designations to people that piss them off. Like calling them like, oh, she's just codependent. Oh, she's such a narcissist. Or, oh, this guy's a psychopath.

Like, that's why he got so pissed off when I dented his car door at Fatberger because he's a psychopath. Like, it was a trigger. It's not just like, no, I'm pissed off because you weren't paying attention and you dinged my car. At Fatburger. At Fatburger. Man, asshole.

Yeah. Yeah, you know what, though? But here's the thing. You can't, with any accuracy, diagnose somebody without being a psychiatrist. Even then. Even then. So that's my point.

That's actually you're making my point for me, is even psychiatrists sometimes get it wrong, but they just look for a series of signs, a series of symptoms, and then based on that, they contextualize it and say, well, you may, there's a probability that you may have this thing. Why can't normal people just play

double out of kid, why can't people normally from day to day make those analyses and make those assumptions? Because it's annoying. So your problem is, well, okay, you know what, I can't argue with that. It is annoying. It is. Yeah. It's like their way of shutting down the conversation. Yeah. Like, um, it's dismissive. It's dismissive. That's right. And it's dismissive and it seems like their brain, it's like a brainy way to dismiss somebody. Yeah. Like, why don't you just say shove it up your ass? Yeah. Like, okay. At least you're being honest. Hey, shove it up your ass.

Yeah, it is dismissive. It's a pretty big fuck you. It's like in Dave Chappelle's block party, I don't know if you ever saw that movie, but he says in that movie that the most, the worst thing you can ever say to somebody, worse than I hate you, is you're crazy because that is the most dismissive thing. That's like you're not even going to consider their thoughts because you have dismissed them as somebody who is completely irrational. Right.

Yeah, I think that's true. Yeah. And essentially that's what calling somebody crazy is. You're making a psychoanalysis about their mental state and deciding that nothing they're saying makes sense and they're not worth listening to. So that's what annoys you about it. I don't know what annoys me about it, actually.

It annoys me because I think this guy in particular, oh, you're a sociopath. Every time you hear somebody say, oh, he's such a narcissist, you're a sociopath. It's like, well, then what? What do you? Like, just, you're writing off the entire communication. It's just, it fits into this neat little box and that's it.

You don't have to think about it anymore. Yeah, but you can call somebody an asshole and then mean it in that instance, but not also dismiss their entire being. Like, you might do something that's narcissistic and someone might say, oh, he's a narcissist, but they don't necessarily mean that everything you do is narcissistic. Yeah, I feel like they do, though. Yeah. Well, it really pisses me out because I think it permeates like every part.

I think it's like a prevalent problem or the biggest problem in the universe. Because it's like saturated the way people interact now. Like, oh God. The last girl I dated would like look for triggers. Like when she pissed me off, she would call them triggers. Oh, I hate that word. That's going to be one of my problems one time. But you see what I'm saying?

You see why it's so upsetting? Yeah. And I can't put my finger on exactly why. But it's like she's sitting there and she's pretending to be a psychologist. And I'm like, no, I'm pissed off because you just put the McDonald's, the medium McDonald's Coke on my table. And everybody knows that medium McDonald's cups bleed through and get rings. First of all, you're not drinking all the diet soda. That's very specific, by the way.

Why medium? Is it only the mediums? Yeah, yeah, because the largest don't leak, right? Yeah, yeah. Sean knows what I'm talking. Everybody who regularly drinks McDonald's soda knows what I'm talking about. The mediums leak like a sieve and everything else doesn't because the medium was like that waxy, that waxy cup.

I don't know. I guess I thought they all were. Just stop going to McDonald's, first of all, that there's your problem. No, McDonald's has the best Diet Coke on Earth. What are you talking about? It's fucking syrup. They mix it. It's pre-regulated.

The way they mix it, first of all. Even Sean's agreeing. What, Sean? No, they have the best mix on Earth because they mix it with love. Oh my gosh. Get out here. I don't know why. But I believe that, and I hear that from so many different people.

I say McDonald's has the best Coke or Diet Coke. It just must be the mix. It's the way they mix it. It's the way they mix it. Absolutely. I know. It should, in theory, taste the same everywhere, right? You don't think so?

As long as they mix it right? But it doesn't. It tastes different. Do you think it's some kind of potential selection bias? Because everybody's saying that. And also that you're eating greasy fucking food, and it's coating your throat with grease. No, because I don't eat McDonald's.

Yeah. So, what do you go? Just go there and get their sodas? I have. I have if I'm in the area and I'm like, I'm thirsty. Sean, you just walk into a fucking grocery a grocery store or a gas station's infinitely faster than a McDonald's.

No, I will if I'm right there. I will do a taste test for you and I will pick out the McDonald's Diet Coke. Oh, you're on. Next week, we're having a McDonald's Diet Coke taste test. Test off. Yeah, test off.

I will bet. Figure out what you want to bet what you want me to bet. $25, that's my standard bet. Now, put something funny on it. Put something funny on it. Okay. Think about it. Think about it.

There's got to be some kind of shaving involved. What are you going to say? Shave my pubs? No, gross. Gross. Because I will not check. That's a trick. Because you're just going to flash your dick at me.

Yeah. Like usual. Yeah, but she put the McDonald's clap on. And I'm like, it's not a trigger. This is not a trigger. It's you being careless. That's careless. Psychology doesn't need to enter this.

There's too much psychology. Well, how did you respond to her? Did you snap at her? No. I just said, what the F is a matter with you? Why would you buy? Very calm. rational response.

I'm pretty sure I said, hey, I try to let them volunteer the information. You know, I like to treat women like I'm their parent. Yeah. So I'm like, hey, I know. Very, first of all, women love that, not condescending at all. Well, I don't tell them that. Of course. But, like, I'm looking at how I do it and how I treat them.

And I'm like, hey, I notice that there's, it appears, it appears that some cup has leaked on to the table. Do you know anything about that? Darling. Dick, if you said that to me, I'd be so pissed because I know exactly what you're doing insane. Just fucking spit it. And you're doing the exact same thing that you hate when I do to you. Like, you know, if I send you an email like, hey. I don't do it to you.

No, I do it to you and you hate it. And I hate it. But you do it to chicks. You did it to your ex. No, I do. I do do it to chicks. Yeah. Yeah.

That's terrible. I'm agreeing with you. Oh, okay. So you're agreeing that you're being a dick. Hey, look. I mean, that's my coping mechanism. That's how I've learned to deal with women. I don't know what to tell you.

Bullshit coping mechanism. There's a psychological. Yeah. Yeah. See, it's a big problem, dude. Yeah. I guess in your universe, because you're part of it. You're part of that problem.

I'm not saying I'm not guilty of this. So what are the ramifications here? What are the repercussions of people? The repercussions are, why this is the biggest problem, is nobody's talking the same language anymore. We're just throwing out psychology terms that we think means something, but no one's a psychologist,

so no one knows, no one has any idea what they actually mean. Well, some people are psychologists. I mean, I'm sure there are some psychologists out there. Yes, 93,000. I looked it up because you always bitch at me for not having stats. I got stats for you.

Yeah. That's the problem. No one's speaking the same language, and we're not resolving anything. It's like everybody's in like a big corporation. Like, we're all answering to 8. HR by using these stupid psychology terms and I hate it. Yeah. Well, well, you know what?

You know what? Actually, let me tell you actually a real problem with it. Like, you know how every time there's like a big school shooting? Yeah. And everybody's like, yeah, this is going to get dark really quickly. And everyone's like, oh, you know, they had a mental illness. Like they're clearly like some kind of a psychopath or something. It's like, well, you know, maybe not. No.

Maybe, no, maybe something's wrong with them that could be, looked at and addressed, like they're not making them a monster doesn't help work out this problem. I really think that. Okay, Dick, I actually made that case on my Facebook page a while back. I said that 100% of mass shootings, of random mass shootings like at schools and malls and things like that are by people who have a mental illness. And the only thing you need, the only evidence you need is that they committed a mass shooting because that in itself should speak to some kind of mental disorder.

But then you're just saying problem solved. Then it's like, well, there you go. I've identified. That's like Captain Hindsight in South. Then you're just saying problem solved. Well, he was a psychopath. No, the problem isn't solved. The problem is, to solve that problem,

you have to give greater awareness to mental health, to mental health issues. And, you know, some of these different websites, like fucking upworthy is the worst. They try to say, well, they're all men, or they're all white men. They love to just throw white in there. Yeah, they make it a race thing every time.

And then they say, oh, well, and then some other people say, oh, well, they were all taking prescription drugs or whatever. But the only common thread, really, is that these people all had mental illness. A diagnosis, like, every single time, every single time the shooting happens, I just scan the headlines, and I scan the articles for, he was seeing a psychiatrist, he was seeing a therapist or he was on some medication. Yeah, but lots of people do that stuff and don't shoot up schools. Yeah, I'm not saying all people with mental illness shoot people. I think that's what the headlines are saying when they do that. No, but they're not doing that. They're saying it's guns, guns, guns.

They're blaming guns and every single time. Well, I'm blaming armchair psychologist. That's my problem. No, no, no. I don't want to say that. Okay. Because it's not funny enough. Funny enough.

All right, my problem. My first problem this week is shy people. Oh. Yeah. Shy people. Shy people. Okay. And I want to add to that introverts.

Shy guys. Shy guys. I want to add introverts to that too. So at first, I was under the impression that shyness and introversions. and introversion were the same thing. Do you know the difference between a shy person and an introvert? No, because I'm not a psychologist. Great.

Well, I read it. You can read things. Psychologists learned from books, so I read it and I learned it. What's the difference? The difference is an introvert actually likes to be alone and likes to be by him or herself, whereas a shy person doesn't necessarily want to be alone. They just are afraid to have social interactions.

Okay. So I guess that makes sense. What's wrong with shy people? I feel like they suffer enough. They're trying to put it out there. No, they can't. They get all tied up and they screw it up. No, that's the problem.

Have you ever been shy? Yes, that's what I'm getting at. I used to be really shy. I used to be really closed off and afraid of talking to people, afraid of it. The first time I ever had to give any kind of public speaking role or any kind of public speech or anything like that was when I did my first book signing event. in Salt Lake City, Utah. And that was terrifying for me. I had never done anything like that before.

So I stood up in this room full of like 70, 100 people, whatever, and I had to give this speech. How much preparation did you put into the speech? Because you prepare a lot. Yeah. Like I know you as a preparer. Yeah, I did.

I did. Probably about two, three hours, at least. At least two, three hours. At preparation and then, you know, trying to remember all the things I was going to say and everything like that. So I was nervous. What was the turnout?

And this is when? This was when your first book came out? My first book came out. The alphabet of manliness that was in 2006. Oh, man, I remember. That was so exciting. Yeah. Because I didn't know you at that time.

Like, I only knew you as a fan. Yeah. And when you got that book deal, it was like, it felt like a turning point. Like, for some reason, I don't know why. It was like, yeah, this guy got, like, now that I know about books. Yeah. It's like, I don't, like, everybody kind of reveres books. Yeah.

And it was like, this guy's finally. made it. Maddox is finally going to stick it to somebody. Oh, that's cool. Thank you. Yeah, it was. Yeah. So the turnout was pretty good. It was, I didn't know what to expect. But there was about 70 or 100 people, I think, I remember. And it was way more than I expected. I expected

maybe like, you know, 10 people and most of them being my family members. But it was a great turnout and I was so nervous. Did your family come? I overcame it. Yeah, they did, and they kind of like stood off in the back. They knew not to come over and, like, talk to me. because I ended up like, no, no, we're not going to embarrass them.

But that's nice of them. Yeah. So that was the first, and the first time I went on book tour the entire time. Well, wait a minute. What happened? I want to hear about the first book signing thing. Yeah. I really want to hear more about it. Like, what was, because your fans bring, like, they want you to kick them in the face

and, like, write obscene stuff on, like, your book and other people's books. Was that a surprise? Did you think that would happen? It was absolutely insane. Like, it was insane. Every single book signing I had, something weird happened. Like, first of all, I had all these rules on the alphabet of manly. this website. Like, if you come to my book signing, you have to have proper attire, you have to

dress in a suit, don't look me in the eyes, keep at all times a one and a half to three foot distance from me, you know, and bow before you leave and bow before you enter. And so many people did that. And people were like on the ground groveling and people were asking me to draw dicks on them and, you know, sign their breasts and slap their asses. Men and women probably wanted you to sign their breasts. Yeah. Come on, guys. No, I love it. I love those rules that you always have. So anyway, I went on this, the first time I went on this book signing tour, I was absolutely shy and a wreck.

And every time I went to any signing, I insisted on being there an hour early so I could prepare. So you could pace and sweat. Yeah, pace and sweat. Your clothes. Exactly. The second time I went on a book signing, something happened. I took some improv classes, actually, because I wanted to get out of my shell a little bit. Right.

And the best way to do that is to be able to see. stand in front of a room full of strangers and have nothing to say. And nothing will force you out of your head faster than being able to do that. So that changed everything. So I put, so the message is I put work into it, okay? Okay. This is what pisses me off about. But you're shy, not introverted.

That's what you'd say. Because you like people. I know you like going out there and, you know, being among people. Well, I do now, but at the time, I would say I was also introverted. I was fine staying home playing video games. I was shy and introverted. You could be both. Okay.

And then that changed. I forced myself to change. Like, I wanted to change. Because I know it's a problem, and here's why. So there's this web comic that went viral a while back, and I hate that word. But it went viral a while back. It's called Dr. Carmel's Guide to Being an Introvert. Have you seen this?

No. Okay. So it's this web comic where there's this guy in a hamster ball. And he says, this is what it feels like to be an introvert. Oh, God. Yeah, I don't read that shit. Like, when I see, if it starts like that, close. Yep.

Well, I got to check it out. You like upsetting yourself. Like you really, something about, you will read it even if you know it's going to upset you. Yeah. You got to know what's out there. I mean, what I do is social criticism, so I have to know what's popular. And my rule is this, I ignore it three times. And if I see it again, then I have to read it because it's popular.

Okay. So it says, what is introversion? Introverted people live in a human-sized hamster ball. And then in parentheses, not really, but you know what I mean. No, I don't know what you mean. What the fuck are you talking about? So he says, the major trait of a true introvert is how they gain their energy. What?

Yeah, exactly. How they gain their energy? How does that make you feel? Confused? Exactly. What the fuck are they talking about how they gain their inner? Extroverted people gathered their energy from their surroundings. Bullshit.

They absorb the good vibes of the people around them and thus need a lot of social interaction. Is that how you get energy, uh, dick? No, I get energy. Like, honestly, I get energy through liquor. Food, liquor, calories. Yeah, but, like, I feel like after a couple drinks, I really loosen up and, you're not ready to go. But you're not gaining literal energy.

That's bullshit. That's a bullshit term. What are you talking about? From people, like, what, just enjoying being... I don't know, let me continue. Let me continue. It's just, like, geared for weirdos to spread. No, it just sounds like it was written specifically to dupe dummies

into spreading on their Facebook accounts, right? No, because introverts send this, they post this. So it says, introverted people make their own energy and rather than taking it from others give it on social contact this means that they naturally find most interaction exhausting and need time to recharge

oh man nail yourself to your cross that's Jesus it's not a hamster ball I'm sorry it's so exhausting to talk to me dickhead I'm sorry I'm exhausting you you fuck like you're doing me a favor by listening to me get

get lost get the hell out of you what are you doing me you're daining to talk to me i got shit to do i got other people to see i don't need to be spending my time i'm spending to you is charity all right i'm doing you a favor this is a tax write off yeah yeah this is a social tax write off stuff to do all these great stories i'm telling you yeah for free right i'm doing all the work here i'm doing the heavy lifting fuckface what don't you do something why don't you do something why don't you listen a little why don't you smile a little bigger yeah you know give me a laugh every now and then yeah why don't you look less bored Because everyone else likes this story, you're the dickhead.

Yeah. Jesus. And he says, because this energy is a limited resource, they tend to see extroverts as obnoxious predators out to steal their sweet, sweet energy juices. Ew. We're having small talk in a fucking bar. We're not milking your udders, your prostate, you asshole. Oh.

Jesus. And so then it has these rules. And this is always endemic. What was your juice? What kind of juice? Sweet, sweet, energy juices. Energy juice. Yeah.

What is that? That's gross, man. It's super gross. So then he says, here's how to interact with an introverted person. Just because someone is introverted doesn't mean they don't like company. Great. Interaction is just expensive and they don't want to spend it on something annoying, red, wasteful. Oh, I'm sorry that you're wasting energy on me.

Asshole. Is it really? Is the day really that long for them? Oh, they can't sit around and have a conversation with somebody. Yeah. They must have exhausting. lives. And by the way, every single time it shows a picture of someone introverted, it shows them

reading a book because that's what makes them happy, right? They're just fucking intellects, moving society forward. Yeah. Moving forward literacy, because they're sitting home reading, they're reading their tones of literature. Oh, they've got so much to think about it. It's like the weight of the world is pushing on them. They can't make one little screw up. They have such limited energy.

They can't spend a single atom of energy on you, on your conversation. They're busy thinking about philosophy. Yeah. Right? These assholes. So it says, just because someone is introverted doesn't mean they don't like company. Great. So what to do?

Say hello. Be polite and relaxed. What? And then show. Say hello. Who is this guide written for? Introverts. People dealing with introverts.

Well, yeah. So it starts out by saying introverts are great. And this is how you as an inconsiderate jerk who's waiting. who's wasting their energy juice should treat them. By saying hello. Yeah, listen up, Jerkoff. Here's how you should treat introverts.

Say hello, be polite and relaxed. And then this is the part pisses me off the most. Show that you recognize and approve of their presence. What? Yeah. Why should I show and recognize? I don't know. How can you possibly show somebody that you approve of their presence?

Now we have to approve of their presence? I think you just offer to buy them a drink. Or how about offered to tell them to fuck off? Like, I shouldn't have to prove anything. Yeah, that's weird, man. It is important, it goes on, it is important for introverts to feel welcome. They don't want to spend their precious energy, and it says, this is his words, their precious energy on someone who doesn't want them around. Well, guess what, Dick Fuck?

We don't want to spend our energy on someone who doesn't want to be around. Yeah, what, Sean? Are you an introvert? Are you jumping into the defense of introverts? I'm just thinking, so this guy's talking completely about himself. Right? Right? I mean, as I psychoanalyze.

Yeah. Holy shit. No, he's talking about no one but him. So, like, I was going to say, imagine this is if it hadn't gone viral. Yeah. Like, is this just something he's writing for his friends? Like, so they know how to do, like, what happened in this guy's world? It's a passive-aggressive way of telling all his fucking friends, his loser friends, like, hey, guys, just because I don't want to go out, doesn't mean, you should still invite me, blah, blah, blah.

No, no. I mean, that's what people say about my website. Like, I've heard, what, did you just write this to piss off your mom? I'm like, uh, I don't think so. They nailed you, dude. Now, this goes on. There's a little bit left. It says, now the introverts know that you are friendly and open to interaction.

So after you've said hello and approved of their presence, but will not push them into spending energy if they don't have to. So remember, don't demand to have energy spent on you when it's not particularly needed. And don't take silence as an insult. It isn't. It's not an insult. It's just like boring. Yeah.

We don't want you around if you're not going to say anything, Dickhead. I don't know. I don't mind people not saying things. Sure. Like the worst thing to me is having to listen to a bad story. Sure. Or like someone who feels like they're obligated to talk to fill space. To fill space.

Well, if you're on a date, say, with an introvert, and this has happened to me where they don't say anything. It's brutal. It's brutal. And I can do all the heavy lifting. I can carry both sides of a conversation. but I don't want to. I think you do. Let's be fair.

No, because what the hell am I doing on a date? Like, why would I want to hang out with you, check ass? No, I think your best, I think your ideal date is someone just parroting your own opinion back at you. Let's be fair. Be honest. Absolutely not. I am totally honest. I went on a date a while ago and the girl was like almost exactly like me, like scary exactly like me.

Like I could. Physically? That would be scary. No, I'd be married right now. if she was. No, she, like, I could predict her thoughts. I knew what she was going to say. I knew what she was thinking about everything.

Whoa. Yeah, and it was boring. No, it was absolutely boring. You let that girl slip away. Nope. It was boring to me because I want to be challenged. I actually like being challenged. You know what?

I retract my statement. You do. You get off on someone criticizing you. Yeah. You do. I love it. I'm the opposite. I would like to hear what I think parroted back to me.

Oh, so you're projecting just now. What's that psychological term? Look, I just made a mistake. It's not projecting. I just made a mistake. Yeah, that's psycho projection. So what's wrong with shy people? Not all shy people are that jerk off.

No. It's like almost a suicide note, basically. Right. So on ExoJane, there's this feminist website. They also talk about how to deal with introverted people. And they say here that don't be offended when you're, introvert friend doesn't want to hang out. Just don't. So they're not saying

why you shouldn't. And they're not saying how you shouldn't. They're just saying don't do it. Your problem with shy people. Okay. Well, shy people. So they're saying, I read a couple of things psychologically that says shyness can be overcome. What a weird coincidence. We brought these in. Go ahead. It said that shyness can be overcome with therapy. So. Therapy. Well, you know, if you have to talk to somebody and get over your fears of being

shy and rejection, then so be it. But with me, for example, I worked towards it. Yeah, I just did it. This therapy shit, I don't think, I don't think it they fix anything. Well, like, I think people like it, but I think, like, it's just, all these headlines are meant to gin up business for psychotherapists. Yeah. That's what I really think. Do you think there's a big, big psychotherapist lobby that, that's putting out these? Look, from some guy who's accusing the meat industry of inflating the prices of steak, you don't think psychoanalyst can build up their profession with this shit? I absolutely do. guess, but that's not the only way to overcome it as I am proof of that.

I don't think that's any way to overcome it. I did overcome it. Yeah. And I worked towards it. That's my problem with shy people and introverts is you can do something about it. You know it's a problem. You know people think you're an asshole. You know that people are tired of your shitty attitude and tired of you always saying no and staying home. You know what? Fuck off. Why don't you move to the moon, asshole? You hate people so much. Just fucking move to the moon. Stay home. Oh, and read your fucking philosophy books on the moon, dick. And then this other webcomic I saw, this

girl says, well, sometimes shy people just like the silence in a world that talks too much. And then the last panel shows her standing next to a window sill all alone in her house and a little bird chirps up next to her. Being annoying? No, no, that didn't annoy her. Because, of course, she's tranquil.

She's one with nature, and she reads a lot. Every shy person, right? But shy people are really sitting home eating a personal pizza, like a fat ass, and then doing nothing about flipping through channels. I would like I would like to see that rant done like a scared straight program with you on like Dr. Phil

addressing a panel of shy people just screaming obscenities at them how they just need to get out there and then have it take like that really personal turn where you're like, I'm telling good stories here, I'm telling good stories and you're not doing anything. We'll be right back with Maddox the shy counselor.

Absolutely. I'll scare them straight. So one last thing I just want to add. I don't think it's a big problem in the universe, though. Like, so people are quiet. What's the big deal? And there's annoying viral pieces. So what? Okay, Dick, it may not be the biggest problem in the universe.

But this is a show where we rank all the problems. So we have to discuss all of them eventually. Everything from mice to AIDS, eventually. That's a cop out. It is. I do want to add one thing, though. This is from live science.com. It says here, they did a study about this about introverts.

It says, human faces may hold more meaning for socially outgoing individuals than for their more introverted counterparts, a new study suggests. The results show that the brains of extroverts pay more attention to human faces than do introverts. In fact, introverts' brains didn't seem to distinguish between inanimate objects and human faces. Oh. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, that's weird. Yeah.

So they could look at a shelf and then they could look at you and kind of have a blurry distinction. Like, well, that's just another thing. I still don't get why shy people upset you so much though do you think that they think they're better than you I think that's it because they're lazy and inconsiderate okay right they're lazy they're just sitting around and waiting like how we're that gripping fear though like you're like you overcame it shy people yeah shy people have that gripping fear shyness right but you're like you know Maddox right not everyone can be you

but nobody forced me to do this I chose to because I recognized the problem. If you recognize a problem with yourself, hey, I'm overweight. By the way, that's another fucking problem I overcame. I was overweight and I lost 80 pounds. I mean, overcame, I would say you're dealing with it. I wouldn't say overcame. All right, can I do my second problem now? Yeah, do your second problem. I don't think yours is. It's definitely not the biggest problem in the universe. And I am going to be pissed off if that shitty problem outranks condoms. Well, you know what to do, guys. The biggest problem in the Universe.com.

Yeah. Go blow up, go blow Maddo's ego more and have this shitball problem outrank my good problems. Uh, here's, here's a problem that's way bigger than shy people. Okay. The movie Frozen.

All right. Do you know, do you know about this movie? I've never seen it. I know, I know that everyone keeps singing that fucking song from it. Yeah, that's, well,

that's pretty much what trigger me. Oh, dude, it's like, it's just in my head. I had to watch it with my, my knees. my cousin, whatever it is when it's your cousin's kid. His daughter was...

No, no, no, no, that's your brother's kid. My little girl, let's just call her my knees. She was in town, and she watched Frozen over and over, and that effing song has been stuck in my head for a week. Like, I think it's the song I play in my head when I'm jerking off. It's like, I can't get it out. And I don't know what to do. Let it go.

Let it go. Let it go. What are you doing? What are you doing over there? Well, I was going to pull it up, but YouTube has ads on it. You think you're doing sound effects on the fly over there? Yeah, I was. Yeah. Because usually I sing like the Super Mario Brothers theme song in my head when I'm jerking off.

Just because it's stuck in my head. You know, it's interesting you mentioned because a long time ago, this is just a little side story. Can I, if I could interject real quick. A long time ago, when I first started masturbating, I was around, I don't know, 15, 16 years old. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I got a lot of questions. When I first started masturbating, how did that go?

How did that dance go? That's another story, my friend. Oh, that's the one we're telling. That's a weird one. How weird? Give me a teaser. Give me a teaser. I didn't even know what masturbation was.

No, we never do. Like, no one told me, well, we didn't have the internet. Do you kids know now what it is? Because we had no idea. It's like all of a sudden this feels good, and I don't know what it is. And you don't find out until years later, it's masturbating. Okay, then fine, that's kind of normal, then. That's the experience I had.

Oh, that's very normal. Oh, yeah. I thought I broke my dick, essentially, when that happened. Because you were getting a hard on, or? No, I've always gotten hard-ons. I was born hard. Oh. But anyway, I just want to say this real quick.

I didn't have porn, so I grew up in Utah, and porn in Utah is really hard to come by, especially real porn, because it's all censored. I don't know if people know this, but genitals in Utah are censored. Wow, like Japan. Yeah, like Japan. It's weird. That is weird. So I was forced to draw my own porn in Mario Paint.

So I have this weird Pavlovian response. Of the Mario Paint theme song. Oh, wow. I get a boner. It's the weirdest thing. That is weird. Yeah. What did you draw?

I drew a girl doggy style with like Mario on top of her. Like, because I had that Mario writing Yoshi stamp, and I was like, well, I'm going to use this. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was like, well, I'll be Mario. And then, you know, he's like doing this chick-doggy style. And she's like, oh. And, yeah, that was... Can you recreate that picture somehow?

Yeah. Please impose it. Yeah. Please do that. So back to... Back to frozen. You were saying. That stupid song, you jerk off to that song.

Weird. I can't get it out of my head. Like, I try other songs. Like, everybody has, like, a song that gets stuck in their head when they're jerking off, right? No. Really? I don't... No?

No. No. Right? Sean? Sean's not a note. No, I know Sean does. There's no... Really?

Oh. Yeah, why? I just can't get it out of my head. I don't know. No, that's weird, dude. There's no way that can be weird. Like, why during jerking off? Like, why wouldn't you...

Why, not like, during cereal or whatever? Like, while you're eating cereal or going to the bathroom or something? Like, why do you go to jerking up? I don't know. It just happens. Like, I get song stuck in my head all day, but it's somehow... Always then. Oh, well, anyway.

If that's... If nobody else does that, then I guess. I guess it's just a weird thing. So here's what this movie's about. Yeah. Frozen. It's two chicks who are fighting. And no one's the bad guy.

Like there's no bad guys in this movie. It's just two sisters who are like kind of not really great at dealing with the world? I don't know. Oh, would you say they're introverts? Yeah. Well, one is and one isn't. One is and one isn't. The ice one is an introvert, I guess, because the parents took parenting advice from some trolls.

Okay. So they raised her poorly. She's an ice queen? Oh, yeah. I get it now. Interesting that they would make the ice queen an introvert. So she, like, runs away, and then the other one chases her down, and never in this movie is there a bad guy. Like, never is there a guy that, like, a fire guy who, like, tries the light things on fire.

That's what I need in a movie, all right? A fire guy? Yeah, I need like a Jafar. Yeah. Or, uh, who was the bad guy in, uh, in Toy Story? Was there a bad guy in Toy Story? That guy next door, that kid that lit all the toys on fire. What are you doing over there?

No, no. No, I don't. Uh, no, I don't. The bad guy in Toy Story was the bully kid, right? Who, or, it had, like, kind of bad guys. They didn't have an overarching bad guy, except for, like, the, uh, the third movie. It had the bear, the, uh, whatever bear, the purple bear. Yeah, a bad guy.

And he was kind of, kind of, he was kind of, No bad guys. Yeah, but he was kind of like not really a bad. He was like a bad guy but not really. That's, okay, so it didn't have any bad guys, but weren't the sisters bad guys? Uh, I don't know. Why, whoa, wait, whoa, let's back up. Why did you see Frozen?

I told you, because my niece was there watching it, so I'm sitting there with her and watching Frozen. Like, oh, okay, this movie's huge. Like Disney movies are always good. They always are. There's always a good story. Oh, no. Yeah, they are. No, let's back up.

No, they're not, no. Why? I finally, so I've heard about Lion King, whole fucking life. I was like, oh, Lion King, Lion King, Lion King. That's a good movie. It's stupid song. Everyone sings that, uh, Hokuda Makata, whatever bullshit. You know what it is. Don't pretend like you don't know what it is. I don't. I honestly don't. So I saw Lion King for the first time last year in my life. So I thought, yeah, it's because Disney re-released in 3D or whatever and is at the fucking pantages theater. So I was like, all right, I'm going to go see

Lion King, see what all this fuss is about. And it's about 15 minutes of story with a bunch of songs in between. Like, I don't, why are they singing? Because it's a musical. Why? What's the, why? It's so weird. Isn't that jarring to you? I'm watching this movie and all of a sudden someone's playing a song? What's going on? That's what a musical is.

No. So is it a good movie or not? Like the story's 15 minutes long. This kid gets born, the dad gets retrained, and then it's like an Aesop's fable stretched into a movie. So what do you want? Like a three hour movie? Like the Transformers one? Where it's just, like, Like, okay, this is my problem with it.

Yeah. What was, did you see Godzilla? Sure did. Not enough Godzilla. Not enough Godzilla. Right? Right. Imagine no Godzilla at all.

That would piss me out. That's frozen. That's what's happening. It's all these dumb little stories, these human stories. No bad guys. Yeah. This is the song, by the way, right? This is the song that you have a problem with?

I mean, I don't think. Yeah. This is the song. That's now what I think about while I'm masturbating. That's sick, dude. I can't get it out of my head. You can't get this... I can't get this stupid song out of my head.

It's a big problem. You were with your nephew. Nice! Get it straight. Are you listening to this story or not? No, kind of vaguely. Yeah, pay attention. Yeah.

What? That's weird, dude. Why? It's only... Is it the biggest problem when you're masturbating? Is it all throughout the day? That's not... What do you mean?

Like you're hearing the song all throughout the day. It's haunting you. Yeah, kind of. I think it's haunting everybody. No, I guess. I mean, you know, I didn't watch it. And even if I did... If I was going to take my niece or nephew to see this movie, I would be tuned out.

Was this in a theater? No, I was sitting around on the couch. Oh, so you had a phone on you, presumably, with apps and, say, a web browser and work to do, potentially? I'm sitting around with my niece. Yeah. I'm not surfing around on my phone, like a jerk. But your niece is checked out, so what do you... No, kids, that's not how kids watch movies.

They're in and out. Really? Yeah, they watch, like, that's why the songs exist. Why don't you take your niece to the park or something? We did that. We did that. What are you? You have no idea what it's like hanging around with kids.

Yeah. Look, it's a big problem. So this girl movie is taken over. Nephew's there sitting there. What's he learning? What's there for him? Absolutely nothing. It's a whole movie for chicks.

No one's punching anyone. Yeah. It's a shitty movie. I would say really, really low on the problem list. Okay. Enjoy your Godzilla-list Godzilla then, because that's what this is. How dare you. Okay, let's get to my last problem real quick.

My last problem is the resolution race. What's on? So what I'm talking about here is the constant race for the highest resolution. So, you know, we had 720, we had 1080. Now everyone's pushing 4K. Have you heard of this? You know what 4K is? 4K resolution?

Yeah, can I say something about these resolutions? Yeah. When you watch, like, movies in 100 and, 20 Hertz is that a resolution? No, that's a frequency. Oh. They all look like dog shit. Like they all looked like they were filmed by,

they all look like student films. Like they all look like home movies. Have you ever watched Star Wars and like 120 hertz? Yeah, but it looks like garbage. 120 hertz is more for video games because you need the higher refresh rate. So the resolution is more, but yeah, the people were complaining about that

with the Hobbit because they shot the Hobbit, I believe in 4K. And the resolution was so crisp that it was off putting. Like people were, it was taking people out of the movie. because you were noticing details that you normally wouldn't. You don't need to see the grain on a branch that's passing you by. You don't need to see. So there's this website.

I believe it was, oh, it's Ars Technica. And they talked about the size increase from going from like 4K to, or like 720 resolution, 720P. That's the resolution that most of YouTube is in up to 1080. And, of course, file sizes are going to increase, right? Yeah. You know, the biggest, one of the biggest traffic draws on the, the internet today is Netflix. And Netflix is starting to push 4K.

So suddenly, we're going to get, right now, Netflix during peak times pushing 34% of all internet traffic is Netflix. And even more now, because they're going to start offering 4K resolution. Why do we need 4K resolution? It's impossible to edit. Every machine I've used, even machines specifically built for it, choke on 4K. And now they're coming out with 8K resolution. Have you heard of this?

No, no. Yeah. I don't think, like, you have to hear of it. It's just going to keep going forever. But what's the point? So I read this is... To sell TVs. Well, exactly.

But practically, there's no point. On Wikipedia, it says one advantage of higher resolution displays such as 8K is to have each pixel be indistinguishable from another to the human eye at a certain distance away. So on an 8K screen size of 52 inches, this effect would be achieved by a distance of 20 inches. So 1 foot 8 inches. So what you were standing a foot away from your TV? That's me. That's how big my dick is. No, I got to convert that to metric and then nanometers.

Nope. In nanometers. So if you were standing away a foot away from your TV and that's the distance you would need to stand to notice pixels on your TV, fuck off. All right? You're being an asshole. Sit back. Calm down. Just watch the fucking show and shut up.

8K resolution is ridiculous. 4K resolution is ridiculous. We don't need it. 1080 is fine, and it at 1080. We don't need higher resolution. Everything looks great all the time now. Same with video games. I'm tired of this constant race for resolution and frame rate.

Everything looks great already. Stop, stop. Just focus on making shit better, and don't worry about making labels more legible in TV shows. Yeah, I would rather play like a good game of Pac-Man than any of these licensed video games that come out these days. People play Tetris. People played Tetris on an old-school Grey Scale Game Boy. for years, and people still prefer to play Tetris.

It doesn't matter what resolution it is. You play a good game, it's a good game. Yeah. So is your problem that the quality of the thing entertainment is suffering, and too much emphasis is being put on the technology? Yeah, and it's going to clog up the internet, because the more we push... Clog up the internet. What do you mean clog up the internet?

Well, Netflix accounts for 34% of traffic, as I mentioned, and in 2014, 2014, this is from Wikipedia, Netflix began streaming House of Cards and some nature documentaries at 4K to compatible televisions. Yeah, what's it going to clog up? The bandwidth. It's going to take a bandwidth because everyone's downloading 4K to see their stupid fucking...

Orange is the new black. Yeah, do you really need high resolution to watch House of Cards? What do you want to see that's high resolution in that show? I can't remember if there's boobs in that show. Yes, there is.

Yes, there is boobs in that show. The reporter. Have you seen... Have you seen it? You haven't seen House of Cards, have you? I've seen it. Remember the hot chick in the first season? Did she show her boobs?

Yes, she shows her. boobs when Kevin Spacey is like going down on her in that weird apartment scene. You remember that? Yeah, you got boob action there, buddy. Yeah, whatever, dude. I'll download high resolution boobs. And by the way, I don't want high resolution boobs. You see pores and shit. It's gross. I don't know. Now I'm thinking about it. I kind of like high resolution boobs. No, Dick is getting a boner, and he's thinking of the frozen song. You don't? You don't like seeing the high resolution? Yeah, in real life. It's called life. and I just grab them.

But, like, I don't need to see it on my TV. I don't care. How... You know, you've talked to me into high resolution. Like, I was really anti-high-resolution when you started this, but now I'm thinking of that scene, and I'm like, wait a minute. Yeah, I could tell the difference. No.

What's... No, it's weird. And you see, like, weird... You know, every time I think of high-resolution food. You see, like, those little hairs. Yeah, peach-fuzz. I was thinking about peach fuzz, yeah. That's hot.

I guess, in real life. That's a real woman, Maddix. I know. Maybe you're used to your... Plastic scene. But real women have a little bit of hair on their boobs. Yeah, sorry that the supermodels I'm dating. Don't stack up to your hairy.

You're so full of shit. You always say this shit on this show. You're so full of shit with the supermodel. Absolutely not. The Tender, the hottest girls on Tinder that you're dating. What supermodels? What supermodels are you dating? You name them.

You're such a liar. You name it. I'm dating all these models. Oh, you're such a liar. So anyway, dude, yeah, it's fine in real life. I don't need to see it. Like, it's not adding anything. I'm not thinking about peach fuzz when I'm jerking off.

It's just, I'm just not. I'm sorry that you're dating all these hairy-chested women. No. What are you talking about hairy-chested women? So you always clown on me with this dating shit. I'm telling you, looking at high-resolution boobs is better than low-resolution boobs. Is it? Yes.

That's what I'm saying. No, because what they do in magazines, like Hustler, Playboy, Penthouse, they airbrush the boobs specifically to get rid of imperfections and details. Yeah, that's because it's an image, though. This is a big difference. between image porn and video porn. Okay, I got you, Dickhead, because you know what they do with... Hold on, I'm not done.

Don't you dare interrupt me when I'm talking about porn. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I interrupt you? One second. There you go. Image porn, you need to have it all perfect because you're like, eyes are taking it in. And if there's imperfections, you'll focus on it. But video porn, it's always moving around, so it's about immersing you in the visual,

which means don't fuck with it. It's got to be as natural as possible. Dick, I want you to gather your... No, no. think about that. Don't respond right away. You just think about what I said. I did. I listened quietly and I know what I'm about to say. You just listened quietly until I was done so you could start

talking. No, I know. I know. God damn it. I'm so upset. I'm so upset again by your problem. Go. This is a psychological disorder, my friend. So I want you to gather your crew and prepare my crew. Yeah, I want you to prepare to evacuate your battleship because I'm about to sink it.

So most editing software that you use for 4K and above has specific filters to soften skin because they know it's a problem. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean?

They know it's a problem. Because you don't, there's so many skin imperfections at that high resolution that you're sitting there looking at monsters on TV because you're just looking at every wrinkle and pour and drop of sweat

and zit and everything. It just gross. They cake on makeup on newscasts because everything's in HD now. If you see them in person, they look like mannequins because they have so much makeup on because they're covering their imperfections.

I don't care about the news. I don't watch the news. Well, that's fine. But I'm just telling you, in movies, in TV, and film, everything high resolution has skin filters. They soften the skin. So you're telling me in that scene in House of Cards, when that reporter takes her top off, that has, like, editing done to it? Yeah, everything goes through post. I don't know, man.

That chick's really hot. Well, you know, you're probably thinking that because they softened her skin a bit. Who knows, man? No. I'm going to give it to her. She deserves it. No, no. giving it to her like, I think she's that hot.

Oh, I thought you were going to do it with the favor of sex. No, it's never a favor when I'm doing it. I know. I know. They're not, yeah. No, dude, you're wrong, man. We don't need this high resolution. And it's clogging up the internet. Everything's going to be slower. I don't give a shit about the internet thing, though. Our internet always sucks. It's always going to suck in America. That's the thing. It's going to get worse.

Yeah, because of fucking 4K and 8K resolution. This resolution race. It's a race to the bottom. Google will figure it out. Google and Netflix will figure it out. We'll be fine. Oh, I can feel my head just like throbbing. Like, why do you need all this bandwidth so much anyway? What are you doing? What are you downloading all the time? I just want, I type in real time because I use Linux through a shell connection.

And so I like to type in real time and I like there to be no lag when I'm trying to send text, bits of text. I don't want you clogging up my bandwidth with your fucking 4K resolution hairy tits that you're downloading on Netflix. I don't care about your hairy tits. I want to get my work done. That's what I care about. All right. That's why I need fast internet. So everyone's got to suffer.

No. Everyone's got to see crappy resolution boobs because you're what? Writing an opus on why life hack is shit. You know? That's why? Because you can't be bothered with the, you can't write like with a pencil or a paper or locally. What? Sounds like an introvert.

Yeah. Sounds like a real introvert. Fuck you, John. Sounds like a real introvert. Guys are assholes. No. I can't believe you've talked to me out of something. Like, I thought high resolution was stupid, but now I'm totally on board.

Well, you guys are idiots. I don't know what else to say. High resolution's a waste of time. That's why the Hobbit was so off-putting. Yeah, but there's no more... What else do I need to say? The Hobbit was off-putting. I think it was just boring.

But there has to have been some jackass who was saying this about color movies, right? And you certainly... You don't think color movies are dumb and black and white movies are better, do you? No, because color adds a lot to a film. Well, sometimes... Why isn't the resolution then?

Because I see those boobs look better in high-resolution. That's a fact, Jack. Okay. When I... What? Jesus. When I was a kid, I would go to my dad's store with him, and I would sit around and I'd be bored out of my mind. And he had this old, shitty TV that had rabbit ears and we got barely any reception. And I remember I would watch anything that was on TV, any kind of movies, anything. And sometimes a movie would be on, like, you know, Friday the 13th or an alien movie or something. And I'd watch that thing. And at first, you'd notice how shitty the TV looks. But after like five, ten minutes, you get kind of, you get kind of, you know, Friday the 13th or an alien movie or something. And I'd watch that thing. And at first, you'd notice how shitty the TV looks. But after like five, five, five, you get kind of, Hypotized. Yeah, you get kind of sucked into the movie, and the movie becomes this thing that you see in your mind's eye.

And then I realized, like, years later, after I watched the same movie in theaters, that same effect happens to me in theaters. The bigness of the screen kind of fades away, and you get kind of sucked into the movie because you're there living that experience. So the size of the screen doesn't matter that much. The resolution of the screen doesn't matter that much. That's why people are able to watch movies on their phones, and they're not complaining. Nobody's like, oh, we need bigger phones. Just make them bigger. Give me a bigger tablet.

I mean, some idiots are, but you don't need it. It just seems arbitrary than to decide that right now, whatever we have, is all we need. Do you see pixels when you look at your screens? Like, do you see, does that really bother you? Is it that jarring that you see pixels? Well, I do, but that's because I pirate everything. Okay, well, stop downloading shitty pirated copies of stuff. And then download, if you watch a normal 720 resolution feed of anything, is it really that jarring?

And isn't it insincere, this whole resolution race? You yourself said it right at the top. It's for selling TVs. Yeah, to sell TVs. Yeah, but then I thought about that black and white and color thing. And I'm, like, when they went from black and white to color, it looked shitty. But now, colors way better. Like, what if, look, in order to get to, like, cool holograms where I want to see, like, Godzilla's like, whoa, it's like a hologram.

It's coming out of the screen. Cool. In order to get there, we got to up, you got to keep up in the resolution. You got to just do it. That's called progress. That's how it works. No, that's lateral. It doesn't always make sense.

That's a lateral movement, not a vertical one. That's just moving forward in the resolution race. That's not moving forward technology, Dick. That's just saying, hey, let's make, you know this thing that we already have? Let's just make this thing that we already have better. They're not saying, let's maybe make a new thing. That's different. People are working on hologram technology, but they're not.

So this was the same thing kind of happened. This is how it works. No, the same thing kind of happened. They're always trying to come up with some new gimmick to sell you something. The same thing happened with 3D TVs. Remember 3D TVs? Oh, God. Yeah.

I hate 3D so much. It's pretty much dead. Here's a, this is from a clip I have here. This is from, oh shit, I'm not even sure. I'll put the link on the website here. 3D was exciting three or four years ago when we came out with it. Now we moved on to newer and exciting things like doubling the resolution or the new technology of OLED. I don't think it's that exciting.

No, it's not exciting. But that's what he's, this is the dickhead who's selling you new higher, higher resolution TVs. That dickhead is selling you TVs. Oh, now we're moved on to double resolution. What do you need double resolution for? What do you need 3D for? It's a bullshit. Then why not cut it in half?

You don't make any sense. 1080. Why not just cut it in half from there? Because you don't like it then? What? Why not just have half the resolution that we have then? I think the resolution we have is fine. We already have retina displays and OLED monitors that you can't distinguish pixels.

How much better can it get? For a guy who wants to like go to other planets, this is like a real anti-science problem. No, we're done. We're done. You don't need higher resolution. You can make... Here's the thing. There's a limit to the resolution that the human eye can see, and we have exceeded that resolution at 4K.

Yeah, I don't know. That's probably true. We're just adding, you're just putting bricks on bricks. Like, you're just building to nowhere. Like, you're building extra floors. But doesn't it add up? Like, doesn't the detail, like, add up? No, it doesn't.

You can't tell the difference, but surely there might be some cumulative effect. Well, no, not surely. There is no cumulative effect. You can't see that resolution. It's there. I think I'd sell that, though. Like, if I was, trying to sell a TV. I think what I just said would sell a TV. Yeah, to some idiot, that bozo,

you'd be sitting there with a suit and tie on at some convention at CES. Yeah, like that dickhead. Selling TVs, selling TVs. You think Frozen's good now. Waitly you see it on 8K or whatever it is. You were such a used car salesman, man. That's what you, yeah, that's everybody's selling something, Maddox. Well, I guess. That's advice for you. Yeah. Thank you from Dick, advice from Dick. All right. Can we sum up the problems? Let's do it. Armchair psychologist and the movie Frozen. Mine are shy people and introverts and the resolution race.

Are you going with shy people and introverts? You know, I'm going to put it as shy people slash introverts on the website. Like it matters, you're going to win because everyone just loads your votes up. Such horse shit. Just voting is such bullshit. It's not bullshit. At the biggest problem in the universe.com. Go there and vote for Maddox's problems like every week.

Do it. Bye.