The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 84

Episode Date: June 14, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe, the show where we discuss every problem in the universe from anal probes to homophobes. With over 5 million downloads, this is the only show where you decide what shooter shouldn't be on the big list of problems. I'm Maddox with me as Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Sean, our audio engineer, and the sneaky Greek is back. Welcome back, gentlemen. Well, thanks for having me. Snuck back in.

Yeah. Sneaking right back in. Ah, boy, gentlemen. Not on time, but he snucked back in. Yeah. That's the problem. That's my problem this week. Late assholes

who make everyone reschedule the podcast so it's early in the morning so everyone has to wake up early to do the research that they didn't want to do the night before because they were too drunk and then shows up late

shows up late with their dick in their ass. I have no excuse, but I have a pretty long dick if it reaches all the way back in my house. Oh, you're disgusting. You're a disgusting, shameless man. That's a good spin, buddy. I didn't see that coming.

Thank you. No one ever does when you get a dick in the ass When it's your own I'm gonna tell Randy to chew you out for that I'm gonna say Randy Stereos was late Can you call him and yell at him Andy Randy Pretend you're Wayne Brady and chew

Lay into him Oh speaking of I got a comment about that But before we get to that guys The biggest problem in the universe from last week Star Wars prequel apologists Really? Yeah It's a big problem Holy cow serious you that's the first time

that we've had a guest problem win and the guest was on the episode. I'm sorry, you had a guest problem do what? That's the first time. I'm sorry, what was that? Asteroes, did you hear that what I heard? Oh, God. You've fucked with me, you're dick.

You heard it here. You heard it here. Maddox, this is not a contest. You might think it is. You might think Osterius won, but he didn't win. You poison the well. I just think the contest makes it worse. No.

The contest aspect of the show. It's the biggest problem. Even though I totally won. No. Can I hear the Asteroos One theme? Yeah, here it is. All right. The biggest problem in the universe from last week was Star Wars prequel apologists.

Because there's a comeback. Yeah. Followed by geriatric action heroes, those were neck and neck. The votes were, they were only six or seven apart this morning. Yeah, neck and waddly neck. Yeah. So we both won. Except I had more votes than you.

People, do you guys, let me explain the show. You are the last winner. To new listeners and also. Oh, yeah. My co-host, Dick and Asteroos and Sean, the audio engineer, for people who don't understand this show yet. All right? So what we're doing is we're ranking the problems to see which one is bigger over time so that we can determine which one is biggest. I don't think we understand this show.

Or what came in third? The third biggest problem. The third biggest problem last week was too much Star Wars merchandise. Interesting. Yeah. You know what? I had the older momentum when the week started and then the audience turned on me. when they listen to the episode

and they realize that I made a good point that an R2D2 shower hat is actually pretty fucking cool. If you think that's cool, Alex Oliviera on Twitter sent a really cool Star Wars brand merchandise. It's an R2D2 catheter. I did see that, yeah.

Did you see that? I did see that. That's not real. That can't be real. Oh, you're right, that probably isn't real. No, did you think that's right? Wait, I thought you both. Does each of us think

that the other two are dumbasses? Yes. It's like a Mexican standoff of the assholes. Yep, that's exactly what this is, Asterios. Just a bunch of low opinions floating around here. I got a comment from, speaking of, I got a comment from John Bromley. He says, I don't give a fuck about Star Wars, but everyone commenting sounds like a bunch of fun-sucking shit-lickers. People like stuff, get over it.

Not everyone in the world can be a miserable piece of shit like you. That's true. I agree. I assume he's talking to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm okay with it.

Guys, I like Star Wars. I like food. I like lots of things. You just don't like people. That's the problem. Like, yeah, if no one, if you could enjoy Star Wars without people posting them on Facebook and kind of ruining it for you, you'd love Star Wars, right? Ruining what?

Like, you mean, with spoiling? The annoying fans. No, not spoilt. Oh, the annoying fans? I mean, the fans annoy you. That's the problem. It sickens you that you feel something in common with these people you consider lower than you. These pleads.

That is exactly what it. No, that's not what it is. You see a part of yourself in them and it disgust you. You know what it is? They're your dark reflection. No, I'll tell you. They're like that scene when Luke goes into the tree

and no one knows what it's happening. It's only what you take with you is in the tree. No, guys, have you ever... But it turns out... You want to finish explaining your text? I'm sorry. Have you ever eaten so much of something for so long that you just become sick of it

and you can't eat it for years? Pussy. In unison. And I don't believe either of you. I don't believe... Blow down! Astero's get your nipples over here. Let's rub nipples together, man.

Yay! They're already hard. Gross. That was a better high-five. Thank you. And what happened last week? I know how to high-five. Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah. Yeah, we were trying to be real quiet with that high-five. That was like a genuine whatever. Anyway. So quiet and hit air. Like, cantaloupe was that food for me. When I was a kid, my mom only bought cantaloupe. And for years, that's all I ate and became so tight.

tired of it as an adult, like even the sight of it made me roll my eyes. Yeah, guys, haven't you ever had that food where you have it so many times? You're sick of it. You're sick of seeing it. You're sick of hearing about it. That's what happened with Star Wars. And for me, it was cantaloupe. My mom only bought cantaloupe when I was a kid. And I'm so sick and tired of seeing it, eating it, talking about it. I don't want to have anything to do with cantaloupe ever again. And now, now I've finally gotten to the point as an adult where I can have a few pieces if it comes in a platter. All right? And that's what Star Wars has become. It's this thing that

Everyone's shoving down my throat and I'm tired of seeing and hearing about it, except I'm still going to see the movie tonight. Right? Yeah, you have a ticket. This guy agrees with you. Star Wars, as a whole, is garbage. It's infandalism based on a fucking children's movie, and a cultural quicksand that sucks in and ruins everything it touches.

Cultural quicks. Every second you dipshit talk about it, the world becomes a shittier place. But you're talking about it, but this guy's talking about it too. Oh, you're not above anybody, sir. Yeah. No, I get that. Sometimes you have to, you have to break a few eggs and make an omelet. Some of the characters from Star Wars called in.

Do you want to hear them? Oh, yeah, of course. This guy, who I'm sure everyone remembers. Oh, hello. This is a one Asian alien from Star Wars episode one, the Phantom Minutes. You remember him. I was a recently on your latest podcast, and the occluded help him to take issue. with big masters and problem of geriatric action stars.

You see, the best parts of the speakers were the fights that Yoda had with Count Ducco and the emperor. Those scenes were totally awesome, and Christopher Ray is like 90, where Yoda is like 800. Also, both of them could probably beat It's tannistic ass From here to Nabao Thank you, Asian alien

Go fuck yourself Thank you very much Huh That was the one of the Asian What are they called the Nimrods? The Nemoids Nemoids You knew it

And then you tried to pretend like you didn't What are I called the Nemoity The Leonard Nimoy? I mean I am not You're seeing it tonight in D-Box Yeah well

Hey I want to say this though About the Nemoids There's this incredible video I saw on YouTube a while back about this girl who is obsessed with Nemoids. And I'm talking about- Those are the Chinese guys? Yeah, the A-Ni-S. The Trade Federation. This girl, and this is like some next-level shit, like the most obsessed you can be about something. She knows their history.

She has every piece of art about them. She makes her own custom Nemoidian masks and then just wears them around her apartment, like her house. Does she bang in them? I don't know. Does she do the voice while she's wearing them? No, see, that's the thing. She's just like very calm about it. She's like, so this is my Nemoidian.

And sometimes I put him to bed. And, you know, I was told I couldn't bring him to Christmas, but I want to bring him to Christmas. And it's just like these 10-minute-long videos, and she's made so many of them. In earnest, too. They're all in earnest. Real scary.

Yeah, you got to watch this thing. It's insane. Put them up on the page because they're terrifying. Have you seen those guys who, like, marry the real dolls? That makes sense, though. Because you can fuck that. Yeah. You can't fuck one of these...

He takes it to the park and, you know, everywhere else. You gotta show her a good time. We've got to air her out. You gotta air out. She'll make it worth your while. She's got to dry off. Yeah. I just realized what you said.

You're gonna air her out. You do. Gross. It smells like parts. I don't know how I know that. I got a comment here from Mo Ramsey. He says, Asteris has that damn scooter.

Better look grateful on TV look on his face. I did. I posted up. Because last episode, Asteris, you talked about being on Let's Make a Deal, and I post that clip on the website, hilarious. And you can totally tell, right after the commercial break, your wind is knocked out of your sale, buddy.

You can tell. Is that right? Yeah, I said it on the podcast. He got in my head. Wayne Brady. I was like, maybe I am acting like an asshole. Maybe I am ruining Let's Make a Deal, the cultural institution that is Let's Big.

I don't know why. He got me. I fell for it. I was suckered into it. But I'll tell you that. I mean, I can see why, because you do have a tendency to ruin show. Like you do, you go a little over to line on this show very often,

and I think you do ruin it a little bit. All right, well, listen, let me tell. Well, for all those people that think I ruin shows, here's the ending to this story, to this, let's make a deal thing. He's so pleased it himself. Because I want to see now if you listen to this podcast if it affects you for like the next five minutes. So anyway, so I win the scooter.

I win the scooter. But at the time, I was like technically homeless. Like I didn't have a place to live. I was crashing on couches. I was looking for an apartment for me and my wife. So I didn't have a place to store the scooter. So I had to sell the scooter back to the dealership for cost. And I ended up getting $10.99 for like $4,000.

Yeah. And I got like $1,200 for the scooter when I sold the back of cost. Oh, what? So being on Let's Make a Deal cost me money. Oh, man. And that's the end of that chapter. Oh, that's... And you know what?

The grand prize for that episode, too, was that... $25,000 Greek trip. Yeah, which... How do they rack up $25 grand for that? I couldn't... Well, see, that's the thing about game shows. You have to pay the taxes on the prizes. And because they want to make these prizes seem awesome,

they find a distributor or a manufacturer that'll give them an MSRP that's wildly inflated. That scooter I won, he could buy it for $1,300. The MSRP, $4,000. That's what they were. So it's like if I'd won that Greek trip, I would have to pay $8,000 in taxes on it. That's insane. And there's no fucking way. There's nothing you could, you would have been way worse off with that grand price. Oh, absolutely. Because guess what I could do for $8,000? Go to Greece. Yeah. Like, I can go to my family's house in Greece for a month. Yeah. Yeah. Instead of like some bullshit creepy crews where you turn around and all of a sudden Wayne Brady serving your bad shrimp. Just like, no way, man. And doing a dance and a song that you can't

shut off. Yeah. Wayne Brady owes you that money. That's my position. Wayne Brady personally owes you $400 or $500, whatever the taxes are on that. Yeah, and I'd like to thank everybody that's been tweeting Wayne Brady a lot of really

insulting things. Thank you guys for doing that. That is actually made me feel better. What is an entertainer anyway? Wayne Brady is not a comedian. No, no. He's just an entertainer. He's a host.

He's a host. He's like the Kardashians of comedy. What does he do, sing shitty songs and do a little stupid dance? What's an entertainer? A little Irish jig. An entertainer is, it's like the elevator music of comedy. Yeah.

An entertainer. It's just filler. He's the cantalope. Yeah. He's the can'telope. Wayne Brady is the cantalope of people. Can't have another bite. You know what, Assyria, he got in your head.

So I'm saying as the biggest problem in the universe, listeners and hosts of the show, let's get in his head. Let's get in his head. Let's think about, let's hatch a diabolical plan to get into Wayne Brady's head. And it has to be like one or two degrees separated, too, so he never sees it coming. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do this. I've learned this from watching Trump all these months. We need to coin a phrase for him.

That's what Trump does. Like he says Bush is low energy. Clinton has no stamina. We got to find a phrase to describe Wayne Brady that hurts him in his heart. Like an unentertainer. Oh, the unentertainer. Yeah, Wayne Brady, the unentertainer. Kind of like Pepsi, the Unsoda or whatever?

The Uncola. The Oncola, that's the one. The Unentertainertertainer. Okay, the Unentertainertertainer. Oh, that'll get that. I don't know if that passes the Trump test But we're gonna have to go with it It was my first pitch

I figured we were kind of like Feel it out Like I'd pitch something You did something Correct name you ditch shit See what I mean? Ruining podcast No, it's great

Leave it in I don't give a shit Alright Okay Do you want any more voicemails Or do you want to get to a problem Yeah let's hear one more voicemail We got more Star Wars characters right Yeah we do

Let's hear one these bozos Hi this is Princess Leia from Alderon I thought this podcast is gonna be about the biggest problem in the universe, but so far it's just been a bunch of gripes from a pair of stuck-up, half-wooded, scruffy-looking California nerd-herders. The most universal problem we mentioned were earthquakes, which we call Alderonquakes, by the way.

But Maddox ruined it with his stupid broken windows fallacy. You think Star Wars merchandise is a problem? How about death stars, asteroids, or illegal aliens? Think bigger, got it. And Dick, don't fuck yourself. That is nerdy. Yeah. What about Death Stars?

Asteroids are a big problem. I think asteroids are the biggest problem. What about reading your voicemails? Reading? Oh, yeah. You know what she did? No, Sean, I appreciate reading your voicemails. All right, guys. You got one more? No, no. Oh, I do have some fan art.

Phil XG sent these in. I brought them in now because they're of Asteroos, too. Oh. So this guy made, I guess, emojis for all of us? Oh, yeah. I love this guy. There's Maddox is. It's pretty cool.

I have a goatee and I'm wearing a cape and it says hashtag internet famous. And you got a crown on here. Here's Sean. What is it? Sean? Why you're drooling? Why am I drooling? Because you're stoned, buddy?

Yeah. No, if you're stoned, you don't drool. No, we get to. You would know. You would know. Everybody knows. Here's like a handsome hysterios. I don't know what the hell.

That's a really handsome stereos. Yeah, there's a handsome hysterios. And then here's me, which kind of pissed me on. This does not look anything like me. Yeah, is it... No, I mean, the face should be smaller, if anything. Yeah, I could still see your eyes. No, yeah, that's a pretty big face.

It looks like Prince Valiant here. It's a picture, it's a little emoji of dick with like, uh, it looks like, uh, Marsha Brady hair from, uh, the Brady Bunch. Oh, fuck you. Like an old 60s. Yeah, you do. You look like one of the characters in that 70s show. Well, if it was on the website.

Three out of four ain't bad, but smaller face next time. Well, let's get to some problems. Let's get to the problems, guys. I got the real biggest problem in the universe this week. Home schooling. Huh? Yeah. Yeah.

Home schooling. There we go. Oh, thank you, Maddox. Very good, very good. You are homeschool. You are the human homeschool. What does that even mean? I figured you would love homeschool.

Why? Because you can train kids like your own little personal clones of you. Like you control everything that goes into their brains and everything that comes out of their mouth. Well, shouldn't you love homeschooling? Because it's the ultimate libertarian experiment where it's just like, I get to do whatever I want with my kids. I'm not going to let the school board tell me what to do what I want with my kids. I'm going to keep them in my, teach them how to do this and that. I mean, libertarians should love homeschooling.

Yeah, I don't have a problem with it. There it is. And there it is. Well, I do. I have lots of problems with it. Home schooling is like home surgery. Parents aren't qualified to do it. Do I need to go on?

That's pretty much it, right? Yeah. That's the whole argument of that's not. It's like home surgery. There's only one exception that I'd be for homeschooling, and that's if your parents are teachers, and one of the rooms in your house is a classroom, and you have 20 or so other classmates from the neighborhood

who come over every day and you call it a school. Having your parents assess your cognitive ability, it's like having your parents assess your athletic ability. I played baseball on a team when I was a kid a long time ago, where the coach of the team was also the dad of one of the teammates. That's all teams. And guess who was MVP? You?

Really? No. The shithead who's, yeah, the kid. The kid's... Could you be any more obvious? That's terrible. Yeah, the coach's kid. No, what if he was good?

You don't know? I do know he was ranked sixth. Of what? On our team. He was ranked sixth overall. What do you mean ranked? Well, they ranked them based on... What, hating and catching and...

Yeah. How do you rank catching? By... Erroring. Ouch. Yeah. How many outs you out? Okay.

Yeah. Here we go. How many times does the ball hits? What's your... What's your fucking... If you're a fucking position? If you're a catcher, you're probably going to have a lot of catches. Well, was he the catcher?

Because that would make sense if he was the MVP. No, he was not the catcher. That guy's catching constantly. No, he was in the most coveted field, too. He put him in, what was it? Shortstop. Yeah, he put him in shortstop every time. He'd make a lot of outs in shorts stuff.

Yeah, well, he didn't. And this kid was ranked sixth, and he never hit any home runs. There's one guy on our team who was absolutely hands down the MVP, other than me, which was this kid who hit like three home runs throughout. our season, no one else on our team did. But home runs are not a gauge of how good of a player you are. He was also great in outfield. He was also great as a pitcher.

He did a bunch of different positions when we were practicing for the preseason. And this guy was like hands down the best, the best. He was the fastest runner. He was, he's the only one who hit home runs. He saved several of our games. Like he's clearly the MVP.

I'm gonna say I believe you on this one. Thank you, Sterios. The argument of he was the fastest and the other guy was ranked six? I don't know. Don't you think that some asshole dad who wants to live vicarious through his son would make his kid MVP?

All right, I don't want to get lost in this MVP shit. Let's talk about it homeschooling. What are your criteria, Dick? What's a good baseball player? Guys playing shortstop. That's your right in line for the MVP. I'm more curious about how he got ranked sixth. That's what I want to know.

We all had our ranking, and it was similar to, it was pretty much in line with our batting order. What do you mean? Wait. now I'm leaving over to Jix. Are you equating like batting average to where you hit in the order?

I just remember seeing the ranking when they determined who our MVP was and they had a ranking and he was ranked sixth based on overall criteria. I don't know what that overall criteria is. Look, I don't either, man. This was the one as a kid.

I don't remember. Okay. He was easily not the best player on our team. All right. Yeah. Very suspect. Anyway. So back to education

and homeschooling. Why it's a big fucking problem. All right? Education, I think, is one of the pillars of society. I think it's really, really important. Without education, people can't be aware of threats of our government. They can't function well in society. They will be ignorant and fearful, incompetent to do work, unable to think critically,

fearful of things and phenomena they don't understand vaccinations, science, nature. They will fall victims to zealotry. I think that I brought in a long time ago anti-intellectualism. And I said that one of the big threats of anti-intellectualism is the rise of zealotry. And it all has to do with the lack of fundamental education, a really good core education, I think. There's no quality checks for the education they receive at home. If you have kids homeschooled, there's no quality checks. Well, let me, like, I don't know, at least in New York State where I grew up, the homeschooled kids would have to be able to pass the state exams.

and I remember that because like, you know, we would all get bused to some school, like all the districts would get bused to some school, and there would always be like these two weird kids that no one had ever heard of. They were like the homeschooled kids. Yeah, they had to pass exams. They always did really grand in exams,

but we were always like, oh, those poor bastards. Oh, so they did great on the exam. Well, here's the thing I... My problem with homeschooling is that you don't properly socialize these kids. Yeah. These kids are, like, socially inept. They don't know how to talk to people, how to talk to girls.

If you've ever gone to college with a kid who was homeschooled, you know, there's something, they don't know how to interact, they don't know where the boundaries are. It kind of sets them on a bad foot for the rest of their life. And like, that's the problem with it. Like, school kind of sucks. Like, you can learn math in a room of 30 people or math from your mom. They're both shitty.

But, you know, those homeschool kids are going to miss out on all those great experiences, like making out with girls and, like, you know, all that stuff that I didn't do either. Yeah. But, like, you know, like, going to the prom with girls, which, again, I didn't do. But, like, you know, if I was cool, I could have. So, they're weird. That's what I'm saying. They're just weird. They're awkward as kids.

And in college, the ones you know couldn't, what, socialize as well as everyone does in college. Like, it's Lord of the Flies. And these kids, I get what you're saying. Yeah. And I like, I think it's fun to stereotype as well. Like, I like making fun of them because they seem weird. But I don't know that it's true. Are they really fucked for their entire lives?

Yes, they didn't socialize in class. As in homeschool, partially socialized. Like, don't a bunch of kids go to a homeschool typically? It's not just your own family. Well, sometimes, but you can also, if your family is particularly fearful of the government or wants to raise you a religious way, they can just homeschool. You can be in a school with just your little sister. Right.

Here's the long-term repercussions of that lack of socialization. Students at home never have to worry about time management because they are never tardy to class. They miss out on group assignments where they discuss and debate ideas with other students, which makes them less capable of dealing with conflicts that will arise in the workforce when they work with other people professionally. They don't have those tools necessary that you develop when you're debating ideas with your classmates and working with others on projects to be able to resolve conflicts and find compromise and be able to get to that next step. That's what homeschooling leads to. These people suffer professionally because they don't have

those tools developed because their parents... Isn't this entirely conjecture, though? No, it's not. Like you're saying they don't have these skills, but you're not measuring it in any way. No. Don't tempt him with stats. Well, I would love to hear one. I mean, these are pretty big claims. Like, kids are not prepared. But then you got a stereos, they always ace the tests. Okay, they're just weird.

Fuck them then. Fuck every, fuck everything you believe in. Fuck the way you were raised because you're weird. Because you don't fit in with the rest of us binge drinking assholes. I, no, I, yeah, exactly. I know a couple. Do you know any homeschool kids? Yeah, in Utah, there was a couple of kids who were homeschooled. Yeah, look, I'm not, I'm not, I don't want to hop on this podcast to throw homeschool kids under the bus. It's not their fault that their parents are so fearful of the outside world that they're like,

we got to lock up our kids, we got to make a classroom in our garage around our kids because the outside world is scary. And then they grow up, look, I know this is all opinion and conjecture, but it's my opinion. And I just, I feel bad for homeschool kids. Well, here's the thing. You can find out what exactly the effect is. And a lot of times, you can just go to YouTube and just type in homeschool confessions. And it'll be a kid, yeah, it'll be a kid talking about how they were totally taught ass-backwards beliefs about science and creationism and all these like crazy things and saying that, that there was a story on this American, I think it was this American life a long time ago that I heard where this girl kind of grew up, where was it? She grew up in a very sheltered environment where she was just sexually sheltered.

and she just was always taught that she should stay away from boys. Boys are bad. She shouldn't kiss them. And then it wasn't until she was way late into her adult life, like 27 or something, where she got in her first relationship. And her parents had indoctrinated her into marrying this guy. And then it was like this weird, sexless relationship. And it fell apart completely.

And then she realized like half the shit her mom told her was just lies and bullshit. Another example. There was a girl who was... So that's homeschool? that she was homeschooled. Another example, there was a girl who had a very feminist mother, and this mother of hers was really radicalized, like a radicalized feminist.

I'm not talking about even like internet, like Facebook feminists. She was a part of like some weird underground movement where she was anti-government, anti-men, like refused to spell women with an E, always spelled it with a Y, and taught her daughter this. And her daughter grew up and finally got an education in college outside of her mother's reach and realized like, Half the shit her mom had told her all her life was just wrong.

And she said lots of guys she talked to were really nice to her. And not, you know, she shouldn't be fearful. I mean, dick, but lots of guys. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, they're not wrong. Well, I mean, to kind of. Is this homeschool, though?

Look, is that what we're saying? Well, no, I think it's a homeschool. Not, no, was she homeschooled? Is this homeschool? Do people who put their kids through homeschool? Is it because they're crazy? I'm asking that genuinely. Like, is everybody who.

Who homeschools their kids? Terrified of men and the government or something? Or women or religion or a lack of religion? I mean, why else would you do it? I think the thing that we can all agree on, and look, again, I don't have stats. Like, I do. It's 85% of the people who homeschool do it for because they want to do religious teachings rather than science or anything like that.

Wow. And I mean, think about it. Like, if all of the information you get is filtered through one person, and how long are you in school? 12 years, 13 years, for like 13 years. And those people were all as your parents, they're telling you like when to go to bed. They're telling you what to eat. Like, that really fucks you up.

That's like some cult leader shit. It has to do with the type of person that wants to homeschool their kids. A controlling person. No boundaries. And here's the other thing that you kind of don't, that you kind of take for granted in school is your ability to challenge your teacher

and know that their ability to punish you is capped. With a parent, that's not the case. Oh, God, you're right. Right? Children who learn at home may not be willing to challenge their parents because they know that the parents have far more authority than teachers do to punish them punitively. Interrupting or challenging a parent may result in the kid being grounded or abused, whereas in school the type of punishment is limited in scope. You have to go to sit in the office. Okay, that's a different kind of punishment.

Whereas at home, you might get smacked or abused. Oh, God, imagine living with the principal. Abused. That's not funny. Dick, what is that funny? It's like, oh my God. You better not interrupt. during this math lesson or I'm going to molest you.

Like that's the punishment. One more check minus and you're getting molested. Okay, that is funny. And I apologize. You know what? I didn't let you say your joke. That actually is funny. I didn't let him get to the mollation.

I don't let him take it further. It's just that that was so casually thrown in there. Like you had a good point about the scope of authority, but then you threw in the abuse part at the end. And that kind of made it a little extreme. Well, that's because in the Guardian, uh, the UK paper, they've written a lot about homeschooling, and that's one of the big pieces of legislation they're passing

is to have more regulation over homeschooling because they found that some parents were, who were really abusive and didn't want, like, wanted complete control their kids' lives, would keep them at home so they could continue to abuse them. So what, they're making it illegal to not send your kids to school? No, they're just adding more regulations so that they would have to have

weekly checks, yeah, weekly or monthly checks, so someone came by and make sure your kid doesn't have a black eye, like that sort of thing. Oh, I don't like that. Well, what do you like better? Sending a cop to your house just in case you might be beating your kid? Are you kidding me? What's the alternative?

Not doing that? Well, aren't you the guy that wants to keep Muslims out of the country just in case they do something wrong? I mean, if we're, well, don't you like Trump? No, I want to shut down again. You want to talk about politics? I don't see a problem with shutting down Muslim immigration in order to vet them properly. I don't think they're getting vetted properly right now. Well, then why?

Why don't we vet these homeschool teachers properly? Why don't we send a cop over the house to make sure they're not molesting their kids? You're talking about assuming Americans are doing something wrong. You're talking about Muslims are all doing something wrong. Those aren't citizens. What difference does it make it? We're talking about danger. We're talking about danger to citizens.

You want to protect American citizens? The British government wants to protect British citizens. By assuming they're doing something. Osterios, I have a big problem with the government sending a cop to your house just in case they think you're doing something wrong? What if there's a preponderance of evidence that says that in these homeschooled situations, a lot of wrongdoings happening? What if you could prove it?

Then wouldn't you want cops to be sent there? Holy shit. I don't even know where to start with what an egregious assault on liberty that is. Sending a cop to your house because maybe your profile, like your social profile or your activities say you're doing something illegal. I got a big fucking problem with that. What's next? Let me, here's a consistency check.

The NRA recently came out with some video saying that there are all these guys who are being arrested on streets who have illegal guns, but they're just being let back into the system, which I don't believe that at all. No, felons have, they walk around with guns. Well, sure they do. But if cops, and he was suggesting that we should just round them up and arrest them. But we have this thing called probable cause in the Fourth Amendment where we can't just unduly search and seize property from citizens unless we have probable cause. So I think what a series is saying is if they have... You misunderstand that video. Just real fast, that's not what they're saying.

They're saying that when felons are arrested and they're found with guns, they should be locked up for that crime. They're not. They let them go. What do you mean? Cops don't give you a break when you're rolling through a stop sign. Now they're letting felons go around with illegal guns? Yeah. No.

What evidence is there for that? First of all, they're felons. But you're talking about the courts, right? They've waived a lot of rights as felons. Including the right to vote. Yeah. Okay, so these felons are just walking around with illegal weapons and cops pull them over, find the illegal weapons and say, all right, on your way. Yeah, already, we're at a point where we're comparing felons to parents who want to homeschool their kids.

That's where we're at. I think the cops take them in. I think the courts let them go almost right away. Well, look, this is in the UK what they're considering with their legislation, and it's controversial. But when I was doing, when I was doing, no, I'll give you that. It's a controversial statement because I wouldn't want to live in a world. where any cop can come over to your house and knock on your door, presuming that you may be doing a crime and doing an investigation.

That's why we have the Fourth Amendment. I'm totally opposed to that on that kind of fundamental. You know, unless they have a reason, unless they have evidence, like a serious insane. But when I was doing research for this problem, what was really fascinating is the amount of homeschool lobbyists who have completely whitewashed Google. It is really difficult to find any factual information about homeschooling or the effects of it or anything like that.

You really have to be precise in your search queries. Otherwise, you're just going to get a whole bunch of shit to homeschool lobbies. And every single one I read. Whoa. Here's when I know something is bullshit. When like nine of the ten top links for homeschooling are completely positive about homeschooling. Yeah. Google bombing.

Yeah, they're Google bombing. And I read these like supposed studies. And the studies are really using relaxed language, not academic language. They're not using statistics. They're not siding sources. They're not cited anywhere. They're not published in any journals. They're just saying things like, yeah, homeschooled students do overwhelmingly well in the workforce.

Like using unscientific words like overwhelmingly. Yeah. You know, it's really difficult to find. So I had to really dig and find some articles that were written by journalists and not this homeschool lobby to find out what was really going on. And I found one on the New York Times. It says homeschooling more pupils less regulation. earlier I said that parents aren't qualified to teach their kids most of the time.

14 states do not specify any subjects that families must teach. Let that sink in for a second. 14 states right now where you homeschool your kids, you have no regulation at all. You can teach them whatever the fuck you want. Or nothing. Or nothing. Yeah, I was just going to ask, what are the criteria that parents have to meet to homeschool their kids? And you're saying it's different in every state.

It's different. First of all, it's really lax regulation. There's almost no regulation for homeschooling. And only nine states require that parents have at least high school diplomas or equivalent in order to teach their kids. Wow, out of 50 states. Yeah, out of 50 states, only nine say that you have to have a GED to be able to teach your kids. It's like if your kid went to a high school and you found out that their teacher did not graduate from high school, you would be super pissed off. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, of course. Like, I don't see why we shouldn't apply at least similar standards. between homeschooling and public schooling. Well, prove that you should. Like, prove that all, like, okay, so they don't have GEDs, they don't have degrees. Like, what exactly are they not teaching these kids? How is it a form, how is it such an egregious form of child abuse that the government needs to get involved? So what if they're teaching them religious shit?

Everybody gets indoctrinated with some kind of crap. So what if they're not, like they're teaching them the creationism versus evolution? I wouldn't teach my kids that, but what's the effect? Like, I get the little arguments, like the appeals to emotion, like, well, they can't fit in, they can't do this, but can they go be a farmer? What's the abuse? Well, listen, I mean, I think when Manix was talking about abuse, he was actually talking about physical abuse, like, because these are... Oh, no, no, no, but skipping that. What is the harm?

Okay, well... Go ahead. Go ahead. No, sure. Sure. Well, listen, and again, this is just my opinion, because Mannix did a lot of research. Well, let's do the research then. Well, no, the opinion.

Look, I'm sitting here. I was, let me get my opinion. Go ahead. My opinion on it is that these kids don't have a choice. It's kind of the same issue with kids who don't get vaccinated. It's not their decision to grow up sheltered. It's not their decision to not be taught the basics. Like, it puts them on the wrong foot because it's a decision that their parents made for them

based on their parents' own biases that affects them for the rest of their life. Now, that's my opinion. Let's hear the facts. I would love to hear that opinion without equating it to vaccines, which are 100% harmful. You don't think a lack of education. You mean lack of vaccination. Yeah.

Well, I'm just saying a lack of education is harmful too. Yeah, because- I'm not saying it's the same as catching the mumps, but I'm just, I'm saying they're both bad. Yeah? And there's a really high overlap between people who are duped into new-age healing, you know, remote healing and things like that, An anti-vaccination movement. Cold lasers.

Cold lasers, yeah. Yeah, but those are educated people get duped into that shit. No, they're not. They're absolutely not. Maddox, it's covered by health care. It's used by all rehab facilities, and it's total bullshit. Yeah, well, I'm talking more about remote healings and psychic healing and things where, first of all, you can't even point to an object or device that was invented to facilitate that. Like, at least lasers is a thing.

It may be ineffective. It may not work, but at least it sounds sciencey. It's manufactured. So we all educated ourselves to at least get to that level. Also, there's a cool laser in the room. But also, when you brought in that problem, Dick, and I thought it was a great problem. But when you brought in that problem, one thing we didn't really discuss is the placebo effect, which is very real.

So doctors may know that this is bullshit, and they still use it because they know that a certain percentage of their patients do get better due to the placebo effect. God. I mean, I know. They're crazy patients. Yeah. Exactly. So let's pay for it. Why not?

Guys, there is, the bottom line is this. There is no quality checks for homeschooled education. None. If I'm in an accident and the paramedics arrive, I don't want some bozo who was homeschooled to operate on me in a life or death situation. I don't give a flying fuck if their parents think they know what's best for the child because there is no reason to believe their parents know what's best for anything, let alone themselves.

Most people I meet in life are broken, drunk, depressed idiots who have financials. financial troubles, broken relationships, psychological disorders, and are addicted to substances or smoking. Frankly, I don't trust parents. Mathematics, can't please stop? I'm right here. Osterios. Were you not expecting me to be here today when you gave that description? When you wrote that?

Guys, I don't trust parents to know what's best for their kids. I just don't. They're not doing what's necessarily best for the kid. Rather, they're just acting out of narcissism and ego and self-interest. Or fear. Or fear. Oh, you guys, shitting on parents. This is so crazy.

But Dick, like, you like your parents, and you would say you have good parents, right? I would. You're very lucky. Yeah, you're very lucky. It's not always the case. That's not always the case. But you're talking about someone who's, you're talking, the implication here is that someone cares less about their spawn than some random 20-year-old just out of grad school.

No, no, no, no, no. That's, hold on. First of all, I'm not saying that parents- Plenty of abuses happen in public school, by the way. Well, let me. Plenty. Yeah, but don't you think, but I mean, there's more eyes to catch it. There's more checks and balances.

I'd love to see a number to go with any of this shit other than I hate homeschool. Well, because they're weird. No, I'll get to that. Here's the problem, though. These parents who are well-intentioned and they care a lot about their kids might still be ruining their kids' lives and not even realize it. Because they themselves might not have the education to realize it. They may be too proud and stubborn to admit that they might not know what's best for their kids, let alone themselves. And I don't want someone who has an eating disorder.

order to teach kids about nutrition. Their beliefs don't trump facts. I don't want someone who believes humans and dinosaurs existed together to teach kids about paleontology or biology. I don't want someone who's afraid of vaccinations to teach kids biology. They're not fucking qualified. And this is from idebate.org. There's a debate about all these topics on this website.

And there's arguments for and against. Can I say this? Yeah. I don't want someone making $40,000 a year to teach my kids about money. Okay. Well, then why don't you help teachers get paid more? Because I definitely don't fucking want that. Why don't I teach him about money at home then?

I'm such a crazy parent who doesn't know what I'm doing. Getting a public education or getting an education through a standardized system where there's national standards on what you should know doesn't preclude you from teaching your kid whatever goofy bullshit you want in your own time. You can still do that. There's nothing saying. Anyway, this is from the idbate.org. It says it is presumptuous for parents to think that they know. how to teach children better than that accumulated wisdom that they teach teachers in school. Just because a child is a product of that individual does not mean that the education,

knowledge of the parents surpasses that of professionals in the field who've spent years training. That's what it comes down to. If I want a doctor, if I go to a doctor, I want to make sure he has his entire wall covered in plaques and degrees and papers and things from accredited universities. And there's no guarantee that doctor's going to be good. And there's no guarantee that that doctor's not going to make mistakes. when it comes to my health care. But you know what? The longer he's studied

and the longer he's spent in school, I trust that he knows something I don't. And he might be able to do a better job than some bozo who thinks they know what's best for me. Do you think that homeschooled kids are infiltrating the medical profession? I was just going to ask that.

Because this medicine and EMTs keep coming up. Yeah, but there's a huge... There's an ocean of regulations and schooling that needs to happen before someone becomes a doctor. Yeah, but why... Then why wouldn't you... you want at least a similar set of regulations for what you could teach your kids. Like, you understand that, like, by saying a completely unregulated school environment should

exist, you know, is the same as, I don't see why it's like, you know, we, you know, we, I'm sorry. I would just love to hear a number to go with any, I would love to hear how homeschooled kids do, to see if it's really a problem. Look, they're weird. I'm going to, if you want to have, you want to have a witch hunt, I'll be the first in line to grab a torch. It's not their fault.

Okay. Their parents are weird. So far. So far. So far, the only negative consequence of homeschooling that we've gone over is they're weird and maybe they can't be adjusted to the real world. But for God's sakes, if that's true, there better be a fucking number attached to it. Like there should be millions of, how much money to homeschooled kids make? How often do they go to college?

How often do they go to jail? All of these things should be documented because we know that they didn't go to school. Well, don't you think Mannix looked for this information? He's already stated that like this stuff is really whitewashed on Google. There's a reason a lot of this research isn't done. Cover up? It's the same reason that, listen, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but you know how our government isn't allowed to judge the health effects of guns? What?

The CDC is precluded by Congress from measuring the health effects of firearms because the firearms lobby has forbidden them from doing that research. What do you mean the health effects? You know, the deaths and listen, I'm sorry, but I'm not an expert. I'm just trying to give you some anecdotal. They definitely measure that. Well, let me give you another bit of anecdotal evidence then. Let's ignore that gun thing because I don't want to get down a gunhole. But let's during the Bush administration, the second Bush administration, he heavily restricted research into global warming.

You know, he said like there are some areas that the government is not allowed to study anymore. Medical marijuana, like the government was not allowed to study the positive effects of medical marijuana until last Saturday, you know, when Congress finally lifted that restriction. Well, but it's serious. I'm sorry. Let me just wrap this up. So what I'm trying to say is if there's not a lot of research on the positive and negative effects of homeschooling, Maddo you don't think this guy's trying to do all the research you can. He brings in sheets and sheets of paper. If this information isn't out there, maybe there's a reason for it. Maybe homeschooled teachers kind of don't want this stuff studied. Maybe they don't want Big Brother looking over them. Maybe it's sort of like a maybe because a lot of these homeschool teachers have like a very religious. bent, there's not a lot of incentive for the government to go out and study the effects of homeschool kids versus public school kids. Maybe it's kind of a thing where we all just kind of want to ignore it because looking into it is trouble. Because even in this conversation, we're talking about stepping on a parent's rights. We're talking about libertarian ideals.

We're talking about interfering with the way a parent raises their kid. This is already a tricky area. Maybe politically there's not a lot of incentive to looking into the positive as a negatives of homeschooling. It's easier just to talk about potholes or stopping the Muslims from coming in or any other kind of bullshit that you can get elected on. Like, what are the benefits of talking about homeschooling if you're an elected official? If you're an elected official? Well, holy shit, I would think teachers at the minimum should be bringing this up. Hey, we're doing a good job because of this. Look at the scores of our kids. Look at the lives of our kids versus the kids that are schooled at home. College is, every goddamn day a college comes out

another study of how much more money you make by going to college. Well, the teachers do speak out of against us, but to your point of serious as to why we don't have this much information about it is because it is so unregulated and how do you measure something that is unmeasurable? Like you, people who homeschool aren't reporting statistics. It's kind of like trying to take a census of the number of people who aren't reporting to the census. You don't know because they're not in a system.

Like, they're completely out of the loop. So if you have kids who are homeschooled, you just take them out of the sense. system and then that's it. They never hear from them again. They never have these assessments. And some states, as you heard, have requirements that you have to have a basic GED. They have to pass the GED, essentially. But if you do that, you're not getting into Stanford. Your parents can assess whether or not you've determined. Here, I got this right here. This is from New York Times. It says, Pennsylvania educators fought the recent changes which eliminated the requirements that families submit their children's portfolios, as well as the results of standardized testing in third, fifth, and eighth grade to school district superintendents. They fought that. The new law also allows parents to certify that their children have completed high school graduation requirements

and to issue homegrown diplomas without any outside endorsement. So your parents can arbitrarily decide when you have earned a diploma, and then what stand, what are higher education institutions supposed to do? cares. You can still be a mechanic without going to college. There's a shitload of jobs that are very necessary and well-paying that you can do without going to college. This isn't blue collar versus white collar. Like, I don't think any of us are trying to engage in a class debate. Like, you know, my dad was a house painter. Maddox's dad works with his hands too. I, you know, it's like, I don't think anybody's making fun of of working class people in this conversation. But like, to have absolutely no standards to essentially be able to write down on a napkin you've graduated. and hand it to your kid and say, like, that's your diploma. Like, the fact that these parents are fighting for the ability to do that. To limit their child's future opportunity to go to schools.

If I'm going to grow up, I want my parents to meet their own accountability, by the way, as teachers. You know, it's like, what are they trying to hide here? Why do they want this law passed? Well, this is a- They're trying to hide their own shitty teaching? I'll just, I'll just end on this note. I'm sorry, I know we're going too long. I just want to end on this note.

One homeschooled child, this is from New York Times, that was given a work bought at Sam's Club by his mother. Then she asked her child a few questions about birds, and after 10 minutes, Ms. Wiles declared that he was losing focus. So she decided to give him a break and sent him upstairs to play Minecraft for a while. And she said, his brain is so unique, Ms. Wiles said. That's one of the great things about homeschooling. We work all year round, but I can tell him to go burn off some energy and play Minecraft.

Well, now I'm like homeschooling. See? You get to play video games at school? You want to go to sit at school for eight hours instead of playing Minecraft and doing a workbook from Sam's Club? From Sam's Club? He gets a diploma written in crayon with like a banana sticker on it or something. Then he can go get hired to McDonald's and have a perfectly fulfilling life working his way

up into management. Sounds great. What's the big deal? Someone's got to do it. It's better than being $100,000 in debt going to Stanford and studying basket weaving or feminist studies. That's fucking, that's what? Hold on. Hold on.

That's child abuse. You want to, send your kids to school? Send your kid to school. Eight hours of fucking day doing nothing but letting some 23-year-old lecturing them about how they're the bad guy, then they get their tuition pain to go to Sanford, and they study feminist studies, and then what? That's child abuse. Where's the statistics on all this basket weaving in feminist studies? I want to hear numbers.

It exists. It exists. Oh, well, where is it? Because if you don't have this statistic right now, your entire. opinion is valid. That's child abuse, motherfucker. That's child abuse. You can just keep saying it. Letting your kid get a liberal arts degree

and encouraging them is child abuse. And there's, by the way, there's not a small chance of that happening if they go to school. Political science, communications, these are all real degrees that thousands, hundreds of thousands of young people get every year that limit their opportunities because they're a fucking joke.

Thank God for homeschooling to save us from the dirt of political studies majors. God bless you homeschoolers. You stop more lesbian basket weaving class. Those lesbian baskets, by the way, are fantastic. They carry over everything you need to move in with your lesbian girlfriend after the first date. What are you going to do then, Maddox,

when an EMT drives up and instead of being homeschooled, they've got a feminist studies degree. They're going to knock you out in the ambulance and cut your dick right off. That's a way bigger problem than homeschooling. They're not going to drive up in an EMT because they're going to look at their resume and their credentials and their GPA and be like,

oh, this guy's a bozo, out. Also, if they're a home and drive, they're probably going to crash that EMT into like the side of a building or into like, you know, a pretty looking man. They're like, ooh, pretty, boom. Well, look, homeschooling, public schooling, whatever kind of schooling you got, you need to shave.

That's true. You need to look your best, especially if you have a high school diploma that's written in crayon. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Harry's. Please visit harries.com and use the promo code. Biggest Problem to save $5 off your first purchase. Guys, guys, Harry's is a superior shave

than any other razor in the universe. Well, the blades are so good, they bought the factory. They bought the factory. High quality, high-performing German blades crafted by shaving experts. It's about half the price of other big branded blades and they ship for free to your front door. The starter said it's an amazing deal.

For $15, you get a razor, moisturizing shave cream and three razor blades. You use our promo code. Biggest problem. You get $5 off your first order. I want to say, I thank you guys so much for the shaving kit I got last week. Thank you guys at Harry's.

Oh, yeah, and thank you guys at Harry's. But thank you guys for not hoarding it for yourselves. Yeah. Because I used it and I was like, oh my God, I'm like an adult. Like I hadn't like shave shaved in years. I'm absolutely not kidding. Like done the lather, put on the after shave after, the thing, the this, the that. And I was just like, I feel like such a grown up.

I don't feel like a man. I don't feel like a man. Look, that's what you can teach in homeschool. You have a whole period. How to be a man. You got to shave. Yeah. Here's how to tie a tie.

I got out of college. I still didn't know how to tie a tie. I had to go on YouTube. You clip it on. What are you talking about? Yeah, there you go. Harry's is less than two years old and is already disrupting the shave industry,

offering a better shave experience and a better value than the giants, who I will not name. But they are running scared. I see Twitter ads all the time from the brands that you expect to see in the shaving space, the people that you see down at CVS, and all they're doing is attacking Harry's because they're scared.

Satisfaction guaranteed? Ooh, I didn't know about that. Satisfaction guaranteed. If you don't like the product, they'll make it right. Yeah, I don't know what that means. I don't know. Don't worry. They'll take care of you.

Yeah, go to Harries.com, use promo code. Biggest Problem, save $5.00. No, I will say this, though, about Harry's. They are very responsive to their customers and tweets on Twitter. So if you guys like the product and, you know, tweet it at them, they'll tweet back and they'll like your, they'll favor your tweet. There you go. That's something.

That's validation from a big company. Unlike Wayne Brady, who's not responding to any of the tweet. that fans are sending him, calling him bitch made or a wet bitch. I didn't, there was a term, someone called Wayne Brady a moist bitch. He is, he is a moist bitch. Now it makes sense, but I'd never heard that insult before, and I was like, this is delightful. What is that? What is a great day? I don't know, but I love it.

Dick, what's a moist bitch? Oh, man, I don't want to do it during this ad. Okay. I'll tell you. Harry's saying, oh, you're not a moist bitch. If you go to harries.com, use promo code biggest. You want to go? Biggest problem.

Big problem. I'm such an asshole. I'll go next. Yeah. Do you problem. So with homeschooling, we're talking about potentially, and we may agree or disagree, but our argument is we don't want a pervasive environment where there's constantly an authority figure looking over these kids. Sort of like Santa Claus. That's the problem.

For the longest time, I didn't know what the elf on the shelf was. It came out in 2005. I still don't know what it is. I'm going to explain to you. I just found out recently. Yeah, I'm going to explain to you what it is. Oh, by the way, when the elf on the shelf came out, the book was called the Elf on the Shelf, colon, a Christmas tradition.

So I was like, okay, I'm just dumb for not knowing what this tradition is. And then I look it up and it's like, no, it's not. Some asshole just invented it. No, no, no, no, no. I know that's not true because I know. somebody who had it when they were a kid. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Okay. But was the book that came out when they were a kid also called that,

the Christmas tradition? Because, like, Santa Claus was just manufactured by Coca-Cola. I mean, there was that... Wait, what? Yeah, so the modern red, jolly Santa Claus was manufactured by Coca-Cola to sell Coke. It wasn't a real guy? It was a real guy, but... Are you saying that Santa is not real on this podcast? We should put a spoiler alert. We're just saying he's not... The modern Santa Claus. What was the original Santa Claus? The original Santa Claus was, I believe he was a monk.

No, he was a priest in, was it Austria or Germany, and he would leave candy in the shoes of children who left their shoes outside, and he kind of did it secretly, and his name was Christopher. Christopher. Christopher. Yeah, something like that. Christoph Klaus or something like that.

And then Coca-Cola took that old story, and then spun it into this mythology of Santa Claus and made the big, red, jolly man. And the sleigh and the reindeer and shit? That all kind of, yeah. Then Coke made that up? Coke created the modern Santa Claus, yeah. Well, isn't Santa delicious, just like the delicious taste of Coke?

Yeah. Don't you love both? Don't you love a piping hot cup of Coke at Christmas sitting in front of the fireplace? Well, look, according to Wikipedia, which, again, is wrong a lot, the Elf on the Shelf on the Shelf, was written in 2004 and was first released in 2005. You know, I don't know if it's based on something. I'm just kind of reading yourself Wikipedia. But here's what the Elf on the Shelf is, regardless of when it came out, what you do is you tell your kids, hey, I got this little toy elf here. It's like a little stuffed elf.

and you're like, this is one of Santa's scout elves. This elf reports back everything you do. He's a sleeper's cell for Santa. He's like the NSA for Santa. And you're like, I'm going to put this elf up on a shelf in your room. And anytime you do something naughty, this scout elf is going to tell Santa Claus. And by the way, if you touch or move this elf, you break the seal of Christmas magic around this elf. And so if you're not good, the elf.

the elf's going to tell Santa and you're going to get terrible presents. Isn't that fucking awful? Do you know how shitty the parents have to be to let an inanimate object control their kids? Yeah, incredibly shitty. A bunch of homeschoolers. That's what I'm saying. Teach them whatever you want. Hey, I'm supposed to stay in line.

Otherwise this magical elf is going to terrorize my life. Like to Santa. And then this poor kid, imagine a kid's intellect, like being like ancient Aztecs or Inkins who were afraid of eclipses and didn't know what. why weather patterns occurred. They were just afraid, like, superstitious. You're essentially raising a child to be superstitious of everything, and if the child dares touch that thing, the child might die,

so the child might not experiment with that. Yeah, or the elf might die. Your leaps that you make about parenting are gigantic. What? That could happen. I know, but the idea... Are you saying it couldn't happen, Dick? Yeah, what else is brought a elf on the shelf?

Well, I don't like... Because my sister's doing elf on the shelf. shelf this year, I think. Oh. Yeah, she sent me a text asking if I would buy this elf on the shelf thing on Etsy. Okay. Because she was too busy to do her own online shopping, I guess. Too busy to go to Etsy.com, Google Elf on a shelf, putting your address.

I'm like, what the fuck you're talking about? That's half of the thing. No, she's on another level of delegating. Always testing. She's always testing everyone to see what they will do for her. By sending them, like, links like, hey, we buy this for me. I don't have time to do it right now. Can you just buy it for me?

I'm driving. I only have time to find the link, text it to you, tell you, and tell you what to buy and where to send it. That's all I have the time for. Well, look,

my problem with the elephant is simply this. If I were a little kid who was jerking off a lot and I got this elf watching over my shoulder, every time I tried to jerk off, I'd be like I'm not going to get presents.

But of course I want to jerk off. I'm a little kid. So I'm jerking and jerking me and jerking. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How old are you in the world? this scenario? Four or five, why do you ask?

Oh, man. He's jacked it off at 12, still scared to death of elf on the shelf. Now, every time I'm about to, you know, finish into a woman. Polish your candy cane. Yeah, exactly. Every time I'm about to, like, finish, like, the sexual act of coitus. Every time I'm about the chest, you're nuts. I feel super duper guilty about it, and I just think, well, Christmas isn't going to come

this year, even though I did. And I just feel super, I don't know. Am I the only one? If I'm the only one, I'll shut up. I used to assume this is the problem with Elf on a shelf. Talk about his stuff stalking. Look, I don't like that parents are trying to, like, trick their kids into behaving by threatening them. It's just like, just give the kids a toy.

Being a kid is fucking hard. Have you ever raised a kid? All the time. Another one of these sort of, I call them like behavior modification dolls. Okay. Another behavior modification doll is this thing called the Switch Witch. Have you guys ever heard of the Switch Witch? I've heard of a Switch.

No, I don't. Okay, yes, going out to pick a switch. A really great behavior modification technique. But the Switch Witch, all right, so your kids go out for Halloween. They get all this fucking candy. They come home with this big bag of candy. And then you tell the kids, all right, take one or two pieces of your favorite candy. And then we're going to, and then the Switch Witch, we're going to put the Switchwich out with your candy bag overnight.

And the kids are like, okay, I'll take a single Snickers bar. Yay, I'm going to go to bed. And then the next morning... The most well-behaved kid ever. This is the fantasy you're selling when you sell the Switch Witch. Okay. The next morning, all your candy is gone because the Switchwich has taken it

and has replaced it with healthy foods like apples. Yeah. Oh. That's terrible. Stupid. That's awful. That's awful. Yeah, that's a bait-in switch.

Oh, man. So parents are hiring dolls, saying these dolls are magic and using them to ruin fun things like, Christmas and Halloween. How is that not a problem? Because they can't parent their kids themselves. Yes, so they got to play a doll to do it. They need to blame something else. I disagree. Because they don't want to take away the kids came out. Until it's bad for them. I would have given you an Xbox 360. Put the elf on the shelf said you were jerking off of stereos. So therefore you're not going to get your Xbox 360. Why do you disagree? Kids are terrorists. You have to do, you have to use everything in your arsenal to deal with them because they don't want to do. anything. They're like people, except they can't hit you when you tell them

to do things. Thank God. Switch, witch, elf on a shelf. Man, there should be little, there should be robotic, like moving elves to help sell the illusion that these kids need to behave. Yeah, why not put a drone in your kid's room? I'm all for it. Do it.

As long as you'll care with the kids shooting it? Yeah, hey, they'll do it anyway. They'll do it anyway. You have no... What about... My nephew lost my... Wait, what is... What happens? Oh, my nephew destroyed my drone. What?

I had a little drone. I was playing around with it, flying it around. Yeah, looking in girls' windows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Little one, little one. Didn't have a camera on it. So I'm flying it around. And he goes, he was like two and a half at the time.

And he's like, I want to fly it. I want to fly it. I'm like, all right. That's on you. That's on you. Oh, yeah. No, it's completely on me. I'm like, oh, here you go.

So he takes it and just jams on the up. Jams on the up. And the drone shoots up like a rocket. And I'm like, ah, no, no, no, no. and like freaking out because I'm yelling, and now he's freaking out and frozen with his thumb on the up. Drone's gone. By the time I get it back and shut it down,

the drone was in the jet stream. Who knows where it landed? I was like, well, I hope that was fun. Because there it went. And then later that day the kid forgot that even happened because they're a kid. Oh, yeah. Five seconds later. Chicken fingers, hooray.

Always shoot drones. So Dick, you're in favor of Elf on the shelf on the Switch, right? Oh, man, yes. Okay. When you have not slept in months, you've realized that you've sunk the entire rest of your life into these little motherfuckers, and all they do is drive you crazy. Do anything. Do anything.

Any kind of trick you want to pull on these assholes. You know what? Maybe the tooth fairy now is an out of control 800-pound gorilla. And if you don't eat healthy, and if you fuck up with your tooth somehow, she's going to come in and beat you up in and you sleep. For it. What about, what if there was like a boogeyman, like a society, like a boogeyman that went around in society and, like, dressed in blue. And they came knocking at your door and said, hey, are you abusing your kids? You know, just the specter of this boogeyman.

And we'll call them cops. We'll have these cops come over. Yeah, that's real spooky, isn't it? I mean, isn't essentially, like, isn't this the same thing as like having, it's like parental, you're okay with like overbearing. Parenting their kids? It was bearing authoritarianism. Man, I think you're ruining our case a little bit with this. But let me try to, let me try to coast it back here.

Oh, you thought that was weird? Dick, I can't believe that you're in favor of giving kids less candy and less toys. That's what, that's, that is the ultimate effect of your argument. And if you're the kind of guy that doesn't want kids to have candy and toys, I guess I can respect. I guess we have to agree to disagree. Yeah. Well, Merry Christmas. Nobody needs.

pounds of candy. I do. Don't tell me what I need or don't need. Yeah, doctors tell me I have high cholesterol. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. Elv on a show. A little problem. Pretty big problem. My problem is Christmas trees. Christmas trees? Wait a second. Two Christmas-related problems? Yeah, who showed up? Who showed up to this party without their tie on? What? Oh yeah, I guess it is, you know, it is, what is it? It's Christmas. It wouldn't be, it wouldn't be a Christmas episode without a half an hour argument about politics. I mean, that's how Christmas is in my house. Merry Christmas, fuck faces.

Oh, God, oh my God, two years ago, the Obamacare, like, oh, forget it. But I want to hear about Christmas trees because I like Christmas trees, so I want to hear the problem with them. I like Christmas trees too. But liking them distracts me from the huge problem of them. I like them. They're a testament to man's superiority over nature. Yeah, right?

That's cool. You go out, you dominate Mother Nature. you just chop it down at will, then you take it home and you dress it up. Yeah. To add insult to injury. Sure. Right?

Yeah. I like the way they smell. Okay? But they're a huge fucking pain in the ass. Your dog pisses on them. You got to water them all the time. They dry out. I got a Christmas tree in my apartment right now, right?

Yeah. Many stories up, old building. Right. When that thing, after Christmas, I have no idea how I'm going to get rid of it. I'm just going to have to throw it out the window. Yeah. That's what you do.

You simply have no choice. I have no choice. I had to do that with a mattress before. You got a mattress out the window? Yeah. You didn't get a couple of your friends to come over? Hey, let's get this. No, I don't do that.

I don't like roping friends into manual labor. I don't know what I'm going to do with this tree. How do you carry out a dead, dried up Christmas tree? You put a big bag over it. A bag? Where am I going to get this gigantic bag? Well, what if you lit it on fire? I mean, wouldn't that get rid of it?

What if you burnt it up? That's true. Yeah. I'll call the fire department preemptively. You guys, I got a Christmas tree last year. The first real Christmas tree I ever got, and I wasn't planning on buying one because they're very expensive. That's another problem.

Yeah, they're very expensive. And I was walking down the street, and I saw this Christmas tree, this like perfectly good Christmas tree throwing out next to a dumpster. So I walked over and picked it up. You are like Charlie Brown. You're bald. It was, you shut up with studios.

People made fun of you. You probably couldn't kick a football. I can kick. I can kick, buddy. That's the one. I'm good for a kick. You want to make a bet. Number two?

The Appleback didn't work out so well for you. Yeah. Anyway, I brought home this Christmas tree, and it was swell. You're always wearing the same t-shirts? I'm sorry. Yeah? You got me on that one. So you picked up a discarded tree?

Yeah, it was great. Garbage. Here's the thing, Sean. No, it wasn't garbage. Was it after Christmas? No, it was just before Christmas, and the reason it was thrown out, it was like a fresh tree, perfectly good tree. And the reason it was thrown out is because it was just before the holiday break,

and this company was taking off, obviously, until the next, until the new year, so they didn't want this tree sitting there drying out for two weeks in their offices. So they put this tree next to the dumpster, and I picked it on, I'm like, wow, it's a really great tree. It's a big size, it was beautiful, brought it home. That was my Christmas tree, and then when it was drying up and ready to toss out, I just put a big bag over it right out. Where'd you get that bag? Just go to, um, there's, they're the, uh, grocery stores. Where do you get a seven-foot bag?

No, you just get, they get, um, you can get, like, even saran wrap will work. You just wrap it around a few times. Oh, saran wrap. wrapping up a tree, just throw it out the window. Well, or that. It's Hollywood, they'll figure it out. Some bum will live in it. Maybe a family of bums.

What if you chop it up into pieces in your apartment and then throw the pieces at strangers on the street from your window? Like a corpse? Kind of like, yeah, exactly. Like, you're kind of like a Christmas tree sniper. Like, you know, people that look bad, you know, people that you don't like, you know, just like the look of them. Look, they are very expensive.

Yeah. Yeah, they're expensive. How much did you pay for yours do? $120. Oh, man, that's an expensive treat. I tried to negotiate with the guy, too. Yeah, you should. Yeah, I was with this girl.

I was like, check this out. Check this out. I'm going to negotiate, like, Trump with this guy. Hey, hey, buddy, how much is this trade? And he's, he's, 12 bucks a foot. And I'm like, well, how about eight bucks a foot? He goes, no, we can't do anything like that. Well, then I'm out of here.

How do you like that? And he goes, okay. I'm just kidding. Let's go. I'm back in, 12 bucks are fine. What about the stand? I need a stand. He's like, that's two bucks.

I'm like, how about you throw it in? And he goes, no. Okay. Great negotiation. So you bought a 10-foot tree, paid exactly what he was asking for. Yeah. 120 bucks. No, it wasn't even 10 feet.

I don't know how it got up to 120 bucks. There was a bunch of other fees and shit. Taxes and shit. Oh, they probably have like a convenient, a cleanup fee and a restoration fee and all this other. So this is what, the, so by the way, the reason that they're so expensive this year, guess what? The drought. Oh. So they planted 90s.

90% I read of their seedlings they planted died this year. We simply couldn't get watered them on time. This is what the farmer says. I'm afraid when it's all said and done that we didn't raise our prices enough. Because of the higher costs for labor, fuel, and fertilizer will be significantly lower. In fact, we may be in the red. The poor Christmas tree farmers, they lost money on this deal, you guys. We should be grateful that they provided these outrageously expensive trees.

That sounds like a lot like a car sales and being like, We're selling it to you a cost. We're not making any money. We already bought the goddamn tree. Don't rub it in. $8 million. $800 million what we spend on real trees. And another $2.6 billion on artificial trees during the holiday season.

That makes sense. Why not artificial trees? Because I grew up with an artificial tree that we brought out every year. And, man, I love the smell that thing. It smelled like mothballs and plastic and mothballs. But that smell was really comforting to me. Because every time we pulled it out of the box, I'm like, oh, it's Christmas, that's the Christmas smell. And it was old, we had those old 70s lights.

Yeah, the ornaments with the bubbling lights, like the little... Oh, those were cool. Those were really cool. You can't get them anymore. Now it's just chinty LED lights. Yeah. Yeah, we had an artificial tree too for most of my childhood, and I liked it a lot. Like, people always make fun of artificial trees.

I don't know why. It's really convenient. Like, I would bring it up from the basement. Like, half of it's already decorated because I was the one that put it away next year, just like shoving it. Get down the stairs. Yeah. Like, I like artificial trees. You know how many fires Christmas trees cost every year?

Oh, no. Yeah, I bet this is... 250,000. 250,000 fires? A quarter of a million fires? No. It's actually 230. Oh, 230.

Yeah. I can say 250,000. I was absolutely willing to believe, like, a hundred thousand percent markup on the amount of fires. Yeah. Because I'm like, of course they do. They're big match sticks. Yeah. They say almost all of those fires are.

from overloaded sockets. Because especially with the lights that we use now, they're not hot enough to light a tree no matter how dry it is. You can grab those light bulbs at any point, no matter how long they've been on. Stupid LED lights. I'd be curious to see what the decline,

if any, there was in house fires since we've switched mostly to LEDs. Do you have anything like that, Dick? No, I don't have anything like that. I do have the invention of the Christmas tree, though. Yeah, because I've heard conflicting things. Yeah, and I don't believe a lot of them.

Yeah. Right? Like one story, I read. said, well, Martin Luther, you know, was walking home, probably drunk, and he saw a bunch of trees, and the stars were shining through them, and he was so impressed with their beauty that he brought one in and wired a bunch of candles to it to recreate the effect. Can you imagine like how much of an asshole you would have to be to do that? The Lutheran, Martin Luther? Yeah, Martin Luther, the guy nailing his complaints on churches. Was one of the complaints that trees are

too expensive? I don't think so. Okay. So he comes in and wires candles to it. I gotta assume the guy lives with some people, right? Obviously drunk. This is obviously a drunk move. Well, as all these stars, I thought

why don't I bring this tree in? And I have a bunch of candles to it. Like, well, you got a pine tree. That's going to be a problem if you light a bunch of candles and tie it on to it. You're bringing the forest into the house. We have spent centuries trying to get out of the forest and build houses that have no forest in them, you're bringing the forest back into the house.

So I don't believe that one. Yeah. Then, I read another story that said, German pagans worshipped, you know, worshipped the Norse gods, and that Thor's symbol was the mighty oak. So this guy, St. Bonerface, I think. St. Boniface?

St. Boniface? St. Bonifest? I don't know how you pronounce it. Okay. He cut down the oak tree to spite that. and replaced it with a pine tree and said that the triangle shape represents the Holy Trinity.

So out of spite, we have the Christmas tree. That makes sense. I like that. I like that. I don't think some drunken asshole was walking home from nailing his list of gripes to a church and then said, oh, look at all these stars, these trees. I'm going to bring that in and create this effect in my house. Huh.

Yeah, I like that explanation a lot. Yeah, me too. Because it means every time we put up a Christmas tree, we're giving the middle finger to Thor. Yeah. I like that. Fuck Thor. Long live Odin.

Well, even Thor and Odin fight. I mean, come on. You can be in favor of one and not the other. Yeah, I'm in favor of Odin. You know that year that I brought home that Christmas tree, that's the only time I've ever had a real Christmas tree. When I was bringing it home, my, you know my crazy next door neighbor, the hippie bitch? Yeah.

She yelled at me. She goes, ow, why don't you cut down March? And I just, I was so tired. I was like tired and exhausted. Just I blurted out. The first thing out of my mouth, I just said, shut up, bitch. And I just kept dragging my tree home. She goes out of her way to fuck with you.

Oh, she's awful. Not just, everyone. Everyone. She's just a terrible, terrible witch. I can't wait until she dies. And this is the first time I'm announcing it on the podcast. But when she does, and hopefully soon, I'm going to have maybe a fan get together, a fan meetup. That's a great.

Cool. Yeah, big party to celebrate her passing. I think it'd be fantastic. We'll make cookies. We'll make a pine tree cookies. How about that? When she dies of natural causes, everybody. I know there's some huge fans of the show.

Yeah. You should go to her estate sale and buy her car just to burn it. Or buy a bunch of stuff of hers just to burn it. Because some of that stuff they'll sell for a penny just to get rid of it. And then you can pee on it and poo on it. Yeah. I mean, that's like bringing garbage to the dump. You know what I mean?

That's true. Yeah. Ornaments. All these fucking plinky dinky ornaments that you got to put on the tree. every year and then put them away all the mom's precious ornaments. They're so fragile too. It's like if you drop this thing,

it's like, no, you made that in second grade for me. And it's like now it's gone forever, much like my baby is. And then your mom looks out the window and goes, it's going to be a cold Christmas this year because you dropped an ornament. You're absolutely, you are making such a good case about this.

They're a big, like I like them, but there's a lot of underlying problems. They're problematic. They're only problems. Yeah. Yeah. You know, Dick, two things I realize. First of all, you don't know the true cost of ornaments until the day after Christmas.

Because they mark those fuckers up like $20 for like $10. I'm like, I don't know, is this a good price? Does it cost $2 per bulb? I mean, I can buy an actual light bulb with filament in it that's like a dollar. This is costing me $2 and does nothing. It just sits there. It's true. Then the day after Christmas, it's like $0.99 for like $10.

I'm like, oh, that's the real cost. That's actually what it cost. The other thing, Dick, I just remembered. that the reason I brought in that superhero worship problem a couple episodes back, and I completely forgot to talk about it, was because there were so many superhero ornaments this year. Oh, yeah. And these ornaments, these motherfuckers have marked up...

That bums me out. The superhero ornaments? Yeah, and get this. They cost like $7 for a little inanimate one without joints. One that you just hang there. That costs more than the actual superhero that you could put a little, that you tie a string around its neck. Yeah, you're right.

For a couple more dollars, you could hang Captain America from your tree. The actual Captain America action figure rather than the shitty ornament that does nothing and it's just molded plastic. Yeah. You know how much we spend on these shitty ornaments? $6 billion. Holy cow.

Oh, my Lord. LED lights, 16 foot tall, inflatable Santa's. Pre-decorated Christmas trees. I think they're professional versions of the one you have as Darius. Yeah, they don't look as good properly. And they're crooked. They're all crooked. Oh.

You get that tree in there. You think it's going to be a testament to your strength, but really it's just a reminder of your incompetence. Yeah. The general failure that is life. You're talking about real trees? Yeah. I imagine the fake ones are crooked as well.

Nothing's perfect. Maybe, but there's always a bad side, too. You've got to figure out which side to the wall or into the corner. Because there's always a patch, like, natural trees always have like some weird brain, like area that didn't grow in fully. Can I tell you guys about the worst Christmas board I've seen before we wrap up? Yeah. This was sold last year.

In Star Trek the Wrath of Khan, you know, the big scene at the end is where Spock sacrifices himself to shut down the warp core and him and Captain Kirk touch hands through safety glass as Spock dies. Like, yeah. Can you imagine doing that with like your friend? Yeah.

Like I see that this is part of my problem last week with geriatric action heroes that all new action heroes are these pussy-wipped underwear models. They're all these, they're just, there's not an ounce of masculinity in them. It's an every single interview about their role is how did you get those abs. Fuck your abs. I was paid millions of dollars to get it to shape. I want a guy who is an

asshole. Like every single male action star who's new starts the movie pussy whipped. He starts the movie pursuing some girl who does not want to talk to him. Have you noticed that? Jurassic World. Chris Pratt is after that red-headed chick in the beginning. It's like, how about we go into my little trailer here and fuck and she's like, not of you were the last man on earth, dude. He starts Guardians of the Galaxy wanting to bang that green broad, which we all do, but he's like, Indiana

Jones too. Willie, fuck you, bitch. I don't, I don't want to hook up with you, I don't run with you. I'm Indiana Jones, motherfucker. I don't have time for you. Then they both hate each other, okay? That's what being a man and an action hero is about. Ah!

But that's, that's the world. That's the guys we look up to these slavishly drooling men who are pining over these chicks who don't want to talk to them, which already is weird. That starts weird, saying that that's normal,

that you want to pursue this woman who has nothing, who wants nothing to do with you, and that's okay? That's weird in and of itself. But she's the prize you win at the end for saving the world. That's more disgusting.

Isn't that great? Isn't that great when women are prizes for men who've done a good job? No, but it goes, the other way too is serious and this is something I'm gonna make it a video about it. I'm gonna get killed for that one comment here's like you you cuck I know exactly you're the kill for that one comment

a couple episodes ago I mentioned like Dick when you were going up to the shooting rage I'm like oh why don't you just go up there with one of your guns and a couple of magazines and some guy was just like just jumped down my throat yeah I said clips yeah oh yeah that was the guy was like hey Maddox it's it's clips or it's magazines not clips you fucking liberal SJW cuck Like just like jump down my throats like you socialist you fuck I'm like get the fuck out dude calm the fuck down Maddoxie I mean you obviously don't even know which way to point a gun you don't know the difference between a magazine and a clip To wrap up that Christmas ornament long story short there's a Christmas ornament of Kirk and Spock holding hands as Spock dies you can hang down in the tree

But to go to the magazines versus eclipse thing I saw this thing on Reddit Okay so during the France during the France terror attack there's a guy who's on Reddit and he's like people are shooting at us. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I might die. The guy updates. He goes, he goes, there's clips that this guy just keeps loading clip after clip into his gun. And seven people go like, please stay safe, but also it's a magazine. Fucking pedantic nut jobs. Fucking assholes. There's another thing I saw just recently on Reddit. It said, it was a link. It said, here's the most popular magazine in the Middle East. And he clicked on it. It's like an AK-47 magazine.

Very, very popular. And for people who don't know, still, I'm not talking about the one you flip through, the one you load into the gun. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you thought, it was like, yeah. I thought you're talking about a gun magazine. No, no, it's not a gun magazine.

It's just a magazine that goes into a gun, yeah. I think, so I think the next step in that Spock and Kirk, like, holding hands, it's going to be straight up Midnight Express where Spock takes his shirt off and rubs his nipples on the glass so Kirk can do it from the other side. That's what it's going to, like, why, who? Where they're holding hands? They're holding hands. They can't give an affirmative nod to each other like a man?

Why are we celebrating this shit? Yeah, if my friend's ever dying through glass, I'm just going to give him the gunfinger and go, bro up, buddy. Are you going to reach out and hold his hand? If he reaches his hand out, I'm not going to be like, no homo, buddy. I'm going to rub my balls on it. Oh, yeah, you like that?

Take this, huh? Go get out of here. Go save everybody. What if your friend was dying? And he was like, I just want to. like a full on tongue make out. Like, would you do, Astereos?

Would you be a bro? You would say, No. Of course not. I would knock his ass out. Okay. I would say, fuck the ship,

boom. Astherios, would you make out with your dying best friend? I would tell him I'd be right back. And then I wouldn't come back. You would lie to him. Yeah.

The sneaky Greek. What would you do? You would probably be the friend. No, I would say, okay, just shut your eyes and then zip. No. No, I could see you doing that if you were dying. like trying to trick somebody into kissing you.

I'm gonna die, but I need you to kiss me. I want you to kiss me, just to screw it. All right, guys, my problem this week was homeschooling. The elf on the shelf. Christmas trees. See you next Tuesday. Stereus, you want to plug your Mega Man stuff again?

All right. Go buy Stereos' Mega Man comics, for God's sake. There you go. I can just imagine Maddox sitting in the movie theater when Jar Jar Binks comes on and he's looking around at all the other fucking geeks and they all have tears coming down their face and Maddox has tears coming down his face

sorry and they just fucking crying into the popcorn wondering what happened to their precious shitty franchise that I don't even fucking get Die hard Except for the last one Was it better franchise

Than Star Wars will ever be They should do some fucking prequels on that shit No they should not do prequels No John McLean and a little fucking Johnny McLean That is the wrong takeaway from that Overline Hitting bitches in the face

And walk him on Other broken glass shit I think he fell asleep All right, one more. Some guy, there's more Star Wars stuff. Some guy was criticizing our, where we said that Darth Vader was the father. When did they decide that? Yeah.

Oh, God. It's more fucking fan theory. Okay, let's hear this nerd. Wow, I think he's right. Oh, God, you fuckers. All right. So, recently there was an article released. Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamill, stated that he had to hold in a secret for at least two years.

That secret was that he knew that Darth Vader was, father, mostly due to the fact that during the scene between him and Obi-1 Canovi, they actually mention it, but they cut it out from both the script and the movie. So, yeah, they knew. So you, Mike Stacotta, and why would he mention it if it was cut out of the script? We're wrong. Go fuck yourself. All of you.

No, no, no. Uh-uh, that's bullshit. Oh, you have an opinion? Yeah. Tune in next week to hear it. To be continued. He really upset you, this guy talking about Star Wars. These fucking apologists, man.

They put way too much. Like, George Lucas didn't know shit when he was recording that shit. Otherwise, he wouldn't have had Luke and Leah kissing. Kissing, yeah. That's true. He didn't know shit about that franchise. He didn't expect it to be that successful. He didn't expect Jack's shit.

And he's retroactively adding all the shit. It's just like Tommy we sell from the room. He's like, oh, I was making a dark comedy. No, you weren't. You just made a shit. I wonder if you stacked Tommy Weissot up against George Lucas, who would make a product that you wanted to watch more? It's a toss-up. Like, without studio intervention.

Yeah. Like, because I would rather watch Tommy Weissot's new sitcom than the prequels. True. You know what? We've seen Unrestrained Tommy Weissot in a brilliantly bad. Yes. And we've seen unrestrained George Lucas, and it's just bad. Boring.

Boring. Yeah. Tommy Wissau. Tommy Wissau wins.