The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Uncucked - Episode 96

Episode Date: June 21, 2018

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe, the show where we discuss every problem in the universe, from rusty pliers to Holocaust deniers. With over 5 million downloads, this is the only show where you decide what should or shouldn't be on the big list of problems. I'm Maddox with me as Dick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Sean or audio engineer, welcome back. Hello. You've never done Holocaust deniers before? I don't think so. Oh, man, that's a surprise. What restraint. As a problem or as an intro? As an intro. Obviously, they're not a problem. No. Making America Speaking of solutions

Go check out our solutions episode On the web page You can buy it right now for 133 It's fantastic It's a deal It's a steal of a deal It's a steal of a deal You will not find a better bargain

On our bonus episodes Anywhere on the internet No matter what you're denying No matter what Well that's Okay Go ahead Yeah

So we should We should get to the problems From last week What the f What the fuck? What the fuck? Tim Chains! What the hell are you doing here, Tim?

Oh, let me just take a seat real fast. Tim, what the fuck are you doing in my studio? Tim Chains. Tim Chains. Look, I dropped off Dick. Yeah. Yeah? I've been sitting my car for 37 minutes and counting.

And here I am. Yeah. I got myself into the biggest problem. podcast. This is just trespassing. This isn't some feat. You're just breaking and entering. Okay, if it's trespassing, why am I still here? Get the fuck out. Well, I'm, no. Go back to your cave. Yeah. Go back to the car. Go sit outside. What are you, why don't you just leave? You're just a lift driver. Just take, just go find another customer. I'm not just a lift driver. I'm supposed to be your homies. All right. Now, Madoff,

you and I've been having some beef lately. And I feel like, look, it's time to settle. the scoreboard, and we're going one-on-one right now, okay? Problem to problem? Problem to problem? Is that your showdown? Call-out? You're going problem-to-problem against Madoff? Okay. It's Maddox shithead.

What? What do you want to say, Tim? What? Look. Well, he had all these ideas. I thought he should at least come in and... I mean, I didn't... Dick, did you put him up to this? No, I might have put an idea in his head. Okay. You would be welcome.

Great. No, you're not. You're definitely not. One hundred percent not. Everybody loves him. Okay. Well, Tim, get away. I'm going to call the... You know, producer Randy,

want to call the police right now. We're going to have Tim escorted out by the end of the episode. Don't call it from me. You even have your sound drops prepared? I have so many sound drops. A DJ's always got to be prepared, like a Boy Scout, but with sound drops. Great.

Look, look, all right. Now, first of all, I got to address the first thing that you've been calling me out on. You say I'm not a real DJ. Well, guess what? I've made drops in the past... In the past 12 hours, I've made drops to prove that I am a DJ. Yeah, maybe you've dropped deuses.

No, I did not drop deuses. I only dropped deuses after I eat food. What the fuck does that mean? Now, I made a drop for all my homies. Yeah. And that includes you guys, including you made off, you fucking traitor. Okay, first of all, it's Maddox shithead. I'm talking, you know what?

Your new nickname is Tim Chumps. How about that, huh? Tim Chumps with three Zs. That's not as clever. That's not clever. Yeah, it's not as clever. It's more clever. Thank you, Dick.

Thanks for getting my back. Let's hear these drops. Let's hear these drops so we can... Yeah, what do you got? Can we move on with the show? What do you got here, Tim Choms? First of all, Sean, a real audio engineer. Uh-huh.

All right. Someone who knows the struggle. Yes. Someone who fucks with radio teachers. He knows exactly what I went through. Sean, this is for you. I made you a drop. Sean.

Audio engineer. God damn that shit was it That's it What the fuck Do what did you just put a reverb on your voice I know I know you're fucking shenanigans That's shitty And it was crackly too, right Dick?

That sounded pretty cool Get out of here That was dope man I spent three hours on that Yeah that was dopey Let's hear the next one All right Dick I got you homie Oh cool

Dick Masterson Yay Yeah cool That's cool Oh, wow. That sounded cool. So good. Who's doing the yay?

Was that you doing a little child's voice? Google.com found some child's voice. Great. Put at the end of that shit. Man, that's shit was dope. Man, listen to the one more time. Dick Masterson. Yay!

That's so stupid. I want to play it again to identify where your accent is coming from, Tim Chang. Now, Maydorf. Yeah, it's Maddox shit head. Mayduff. I got you, homie right here. Oh, you got one for me? It's better be great.

Madoff, you some bitch You know what, fuck you, Tim. Get out of my studio. Get out. I'm calling the police. Randy, handy, Randy, call the police. This is bullshit. All right, guys, we're moving on with the show.

The biggest problem in the universe from last week was sleep deprivation. That's good. Followed by bottled water. And then Twitter, Twitter and bottled water were neck and neck, surprisingly. And then dead last was bumper stickers, still in the positive territory. but barely. Huh. Well?

Yeah. I can't say I'm surprised. You know, I can't either. I think that for once the idiots got the voting right. I think if I were going to rank these problems against each other, I would vote sleep deprivation at the top.

Except I think that, yeah, and then bottled water and then Twitter. Yeah, they got it right for once. Some people called in about bottled water. You want to hear it? Yeah. Okay, great. Let's hear this.

Hey, I was just calling in to say that Maddox was right about switching over to tap water as opposed to bottled water. It's a great idea. And I'm not going to let my cognitive bias get in the way anymore. See, I'm from Flint, Michigan, and I, just I switched over,

now I got fucking cancer, you retard. Thank you very much. Idiot. First of all, it's not cancer you're getting from the water. I mean, maybe. We don't know yet. It hasn't been long enough. Definitely lead poisoning.

There's a lot of shit in the water. Look, guys, I understand there are places in the world where the water is too contaminated to drink. I get it. Most of the U.S. is not those places. Okay? Shitheads? Most of Europe is not even those places. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Hey, Maddox. What if I go to Iraq? Then drink a bottle water, shithead. Obviously. I'm not saying that bottle water has no use ever. You fucking idiots. Okay, here's one. Here's one for you. I wonder how you can discount this guy. Adam Hickey.

Hey, Dick, just got the podcast and bottled water is a big problem. I like when they come out strongly in support in the first sentence because that means they're going to flip it around. However, it's absolutely a widely held opinion that in the industry, in the water industry, that L.A.'s municipal water is the worst in the country as far as customer taste and odor satisfaction.

I work at a large water utility. So tell Maddox not all tap water's created. Remember I was saying that I could taste the difference between L.A. tap water out of my faucet and Arrowhead, and I prefer my Arrowhead bottle, Not an endorsement of Arrowhead in any way, but I prefer it. It didn't sound like one. Which is probably in all likelihood the same thing.

Guys, you just get a filter. Get a water filter, put it on your sink, you're done. You don't have to worry about it. And those water filters actually filter out more shit than they do at the plants themselves. It's a really clean way to get water. You know how you can tell the purity of your ice, your water, rather, is make ice with it and see how clear the ice is. If you use a filter, it's way more clear than just tap water itself and way more clear than bottle water. Sounds like a fun life hack.

Tim, can you make a life hack drop? No, Madoff does exactly what I do in my home. Okay, Chumps, you can't make any... What are you talking about? What's exactly what you do at your home? Look, I get a filter, I put it on my faucet, and then I got clean water. Okay. Bravo, Tim Chumps.

I got a bit. I got a lot more voice mails. Oh, let's hear these voicemails. Twitter is dumbing down language, Maddox. How about people who think Deers is the plural of... Deer. Yeah. Are you sure you weren't homeschooled, you fucking idiot?

Okay. I got a lot on that one, though. To be fair. I saw a billion comments about that. You are a fucking idiot. Deer, not deers, ever. Deer is plural and singular. You said it twice.

I don't even remember what the context was. When did I even say deer? You were saying that you want to fuck a dears. I didn't say that. Two at a time, preferably. No, when did I even say dear last episode? I don't remember. I don't know.

You didn't say deer. You said dears. Okay. Fuck you. Get the fuck out. You were talking about hitting deer with your car. Yeah. Oh, okay.

So I hit dears with my car. Yeah. You hit some dears. Yeah, I hit dears with my car. Yeah. All right. What else you got? Let's hear this parade of shitting on me.

Maybe the last one. This guy sent in a cool ringtone. Marshall Crosby. Hey, Dick, here's a ringtone I use to let everyone know that I'm a pretentious cock. I know what this is. I bet I know what this is. Here it is. You know, I'm a writer.

You know, I'm a writer. I'm a writer I'm a writer I'm a writer That's his ringtone You know I'm a writer I'm a writer I feel this too man

Oh man This is a great ringtone I'm a right answer the fucking phone You know I'm right It's the scoff The scoff that sounds it Oh that's my favorite ringtone

I think I've ever heard I'm a writer It's that How do I have to even explain What it's like to be a writer In that single exhale Uh huh You guys get it.

You guys get it. I'm glad I thought you guys were really slovenly, mouth breathing, slow-headed apes. You forgot the scoff. Put in the scoff so we know what a pretentious cock you are. But for once, you guys understand, based on that gasp, what it means to be a writer. Oh, yeah. All right, I got one more. This is some fan art from Dr. Smoothrod.

It's pretty cool. Remember when we were talking about how you carry fake wallets and you should put fake money in those wallets? Because you were saying you carry around when you go to... Sure. When you go to places of ill repute, like the canteena bar on Mosisley or wherever you're going on vacation, you carry around multiple decoy wallets in case you get mugged. I have one on me. Hitler had us doppelgangers.

Yeah, Maddox has his decoy wallets. It's Maddox. He's made off. And you have real money in those wallets so that when the mugger takes your wallet and opens it, they don't think like, this is a fucking decoy wallet. It's empty. Where's the money? This is real.

All right. I was in Paddy. All right, several years ago. You were in where? I was in Petit. Oh, Paris? I was in Paris. I was in Paris.

You're saying Paris, you pretentious fuck? I'm saying Paddy, all right? I know French. Fake ass fucking DJ, piece of shit. You don't know French? I'm not a DJ. Yeah, you're a sucker. I'm not a DJ.

Uh-huh. You're an MC of Succa. I'm not a DJ that you think I am. I'm the DJ that the world thinks I am. Sean. Audio engineer. Yeah, play the wrong one. Madoff, you some bitch.

Okay, great. What the fuck is that? That's a fart. Did you add some sound effects to your Maddox drop since the last time since we sat down here? That's why that's how I'm a real DJ. Yeah, you're a bullshit ass DJ. What were you talking about Paris?

Anyway, look, I was in Petty and this is real, all right? I ain't bullshit, y'all. I carried fake money. In my back pocket. Tim, is that your fucking phone? Put your phone on. Do not to stir. My phone's blowing up, man.

Everyone's asking me to stir. Do me a favor. It's going to be up your ass in just a second. You're going to enjoy that vibration. Look. I don't care about Paris. Bobby from Melcino wants me to DJ his kid's birthday. Dr. Smoothrod sent you fake money to carry around in your fake wallet.

Oh, hey, that's fantastic. It's a $10,000 bill and it's me flipping you off. That's a fantastic looking bill. And it says you just got fucked on. it. Yeah. So if the mugger opens up the wallet in front of you, you're a murder. Way to go.

Okay. What else? Moving on. Or that's legal tender in every country. We'll see. Can people spend that at your store online? Yeah. No?

I have the only copy. I'll take Maddox bucks. I'll do it. As long as I made it. Yeah, you can spend in my store. I'm done. I have a bit. It's a fan favorite.

We haven't played it for a long time. Dick Versus Dick Uh huh Has it been a long time It's been a long time Yeah we haven't had one

For at least 5, 10 episodes Feels like just yesterday It does feel like just yesterday Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up All right So I didn't know Whether or not to do this as a dick

It's a preamble that kills me Every time Yeah I know Go ahead Go ahead I didn't know whether to do it as Dick versus Dick

Or I liked it better win I don't know I was kind of confused But I got this This was a fan A fan suggested this one Oh great It's, uh, this, his name is, uh, Wizard Babylon.

Wizard Babylon noticed this discrepancy. This is from way back when in episode 24. Listen to this. How do you reconcile that with your bullshit as beliefs, Dick? What beliefs? I believe in bicycles. I mean, they're a thing that exists. Oh, okay.

I prefer walking. True. Great. Walking is for idiots and suckers. All right. Enough. Okay, so you said you prefer walking. At Burning Man.

Uh-huh. Yeah. And then, and then, back in episode. It's fun. It really take in the sights. Nice and stuff. slow. Okay. You like walking, I get it. Then in episode 82, you said this. You ready for my next problem? Walking. I'm proud of the fact that we did not think of walking.

Walking is something that savage apes do. Walking is something that babies do. Walking is just basically falling down. I don't walk. Walking is for primitive people. That's embarrassing. I don't walk. If you can't get there in a car, not worth seeing. Walking. Horrible. You should be embarrassed walking period. Dick Masterson. Yeah. What is the Dick versus Dick? That you said you prefer walking as opposed to...

Riding a bicycle. Yeah, riding a bicycle. You prefer walking, but then you just went on that tirade. It's still disgusting. It's still disgusting to walk. I prefer an art car. Yeah. But I'll walk over riding a bicycle.

Did you walk to Burning Man? No, I drove a car to Burning Man. What do you mean? Did I walk to Burning Man? No. Well, once you got to Burying Man, Burning Man, though, then you didn't walk around. You rode a bike everywhere.

No, I prefer walking. You prefer, but then why didn't you walk? What do you mean? Why didn't I walk? At Burning Man. It's a very simple question. Why didn't you walk at Burning Man? You didn't ride a bike at Burning Man?

Okay, I feel like it is a simple question, but the I did response is somehow alluding you. You didn't write a bike at Burning Man. Of course I wrote a bike until I got stolen. Then you're full of shit, that's the point. How is that full of shit? To have a preference. I prefer steak over salad, but I've eaten a salad, but I've eaten a

salad. Okay. Well, if you have the choice, which you always do, you know, I'm sure you prefer wearing shirts with your face on them, but you're not currently wearing one. I do prefer that. That's true. I walked a burning man. You walked all the way to burning man from Huntington Beach. He was trying to show up to the one in like 2002. Yeah, where did you, where was the bring man that you went to? 2007. But where? It's a burning man. Yeah, where is it? Man, you know, somewhere in California. Okay. Tim, you don't know

shit about DJing, geography, or etiquette. So annoying. That's the worst. All right, guys. Well, you got me. Let's get to the problem. Another successful Dick versus

Dick. You caught me walking and riding my bike at Burning Man. Well, I don't know. I don't know which one it was. It was all of the above. Okay, guys, let's get to the problem. I flew there too. That was awesome.

Great. Were your wings tired? No, I was in a plane. It's all. arms. Yeah. The joke is arms. Thanks, Sean. All right, guys.

All right, what's your problem? Guys, let's get to the problems. Simple puns. Come on, Madoff. All right, guys, let's get to the problems. I got the real biggest problem in the universe this week. It's attention deficit disorder diagnosis. Oh, man.

I know all about. No, you don't. I think you do. I think I do too. Yeah, I think you do. I think that after spending several years in community college, I think I know a little bit about ADHD. Yeah, what does the last HD stand for, Tim?

My definition. What else? Great. Okay, guys. Gentlemen, imagine living in a world where you'd go to a doctor's office for a checkup. He could check out your vital. do some blood tests, and then determine that you have a deficit attention. Because that's exactly the crazy world we're living in today.

ADD stands for attention deficit disorder, and about 9% of children born in the U.S. supposedly have it. Right? Supposedly. The other name for ADD is ADHD, attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder plus high definition if you're... Sure. Dumbass Tim Chang's over here, Tim Choms. That's 28 million people who have...

who supposedly have ADD. 28 million people are just born with this supposed disorder. You're just born broken. Yeah. Can't pay attention, big problem, right? What's everybody thinking about right now? Can I get it?

Can we get it around the horn on that? Is anyone thinking about ADHD? As an example of ADHD? I mean, I think Madoff has it real bad. Yeah. Well, I don't because I'm moving right on. Think about... Good point.

Think about what attention deficit actually means. To say that you can have a deficit of attention suggests that you have a finite supply of it, right? And that there's some fixed amount of attention that is just right to have. That means it's not only possible to run out of attention, but it's also possible to have an overabundance of it. And yet there's no such thing as attention overabundance disorder,

at least until drug maker can market a drug for this as of yet pending epidemic. Isn't that OCD? What? Too much attention? Like I got to turn this. I'm really into turning this light switch. on and off

100 times. Why not? Let's just call it attention over abundance disorder. No. No, that's a pattern of something that you do. It's not necessarily

that you're paying too much attention. I'm just making a joke. Yeah. People claim to have ADD take their illness very seriously, blaming everything from poor test scores to failed relationships on this disorder.

By the way, that was all from the alphabet of manliness. That entire clip you just read? Yeah. I had to read, you know, I had to cite my source. Really good book, New York Times bestseller.

So do you not think, that ADHD exists? No. I don't know. Really? No. You don't think it exists in anyone? No, and the people who claim to have it, I've talked to people who have claimed to have severe ADHD or ADD.

And they said that they started taking Prozac or Ritalin or whatever the drugs are that are supposed to help it. Well, it's usually, yeah, it's usually some sort of an upper. Yeah. It's usually some kind of an amphetamine or dextroamphetamine. Right. Because everybody does focus better on that. Well, sure. So it's so prevalent in college.

Oh, yeah, it's awesome. Well, sure. It turns your mind into a laser. Yeah, I've tried it before, and it did improve my focus. However, I don't know if the drug is curing something or addressing a disorder. Well, I think it's supposed to address it. Yeah, but how can you tell if the drug is addressing some underlying disorder or whether or not you're just focusing better because the drug is working at focusing?

Well, isn't the end result good either way? Yeah. Well, sometimes, but not necessarily. necessarily, Sean. I'll get to that. I'll get to why in just a second. Let me just, not to derail the conversation, but I know it gets diagnosed more and more frequently. Right. Do you think that's a thing with the drug companies, or do you think that we're just now, or doctors or modern medicine is just now learning to recognize things? I'm getting to all of that. This is all coming. Yeah, those are all good questions, good points. Crack open the alphabet of manliness and go to the appendix. Yeah, I got more. I got more.

Roughly 5% of adults claim to have it. That's a combined. 48 million people counting kids in the U.S. who are just born with this disorder, that's an epidemic, right? 48 million people are just born with this broken disorder. As disorders come, do you think that's too high? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Just 48 million people are born. Imagine if 48 million people were born without limbs.

That's a huge, huge disorder. That's like nature fucking up. Yeah, but this is defined by not being able to pay attention, right? like your wandering thoughts and stuff like that. I'm surprised it's not more. Like it's hard to pay attention. Well, yeah, it's true. The reason I brought in attention deficit disorder diagnosis and not ADD

is because it's likely a bullshit diagnosis. First of all, for some reason, it's one of those wily diseases that seems to affect whites and blacks more than Asians. How's that the case? Roughly 9.6% of whites and 10.5% of blacks have it, so roughly equal. And then miraculously, it only affects about 1.1. 4% of Asians. Why do Asians

have less affliction of ADD? Well, let's ask our black DJ, Tim Chang's, why that might be. Why do you think Tim Choms? Tim Changs! Look, alright? I can't speak for all the other brothers and sisters out there

that Asians. Okay, you're not black. You're not black. You're Asian. You're Asian. I can't speak for all the Asian brothers and sisters. Yeah, that's racism of you for assuming you was talking about black people. Well, I think Tim, Tim, first of all, Can we just confirm that you do not think you're black? I can confirm that I'm...

Okay. That's exactly what I thought you would answer. Look. Great. When I'm thinking about my dreams, when I'm thinking about my goals, I got focused. If I'm not thinking about my dreams and my goals, then I'm not focused. That applies to everything in the world. So when you got a dude who his whole goal and his dream, right, is to go out there and make the best possible pasta out there.

they. What is he thinking? Okay. So glad. What is he thinking about? He's thinking about pasta. Brilliant. He's thinking, is he not thinking about pasta? So glad we asked Tim Chang. If your looks matched your voice, you would get laid

every day. Yeah. Tim Choms, so glad we answered that question of why it only affects 1.4% of agents. Thank you, Tim. Asians are good at taking tests, though. They got like that hyper-focus, right? That's in their cultures, hyper-focus on everything. since when they're kids.

Is that a stereotype or is that what? No, that's not a... You think it's a parental thing that says you've got to focus, you've got to be good at this, you've got to, and it keeps that shit from happening. You may be right, Sean and Dick. You may be hitting on something here. Diagnosis often comes from parents rather than doctors.

Did you know that? Parents often just determine on their own whether or not you have ADD. According to ADHD Awareness Month.org, parent reported ADHD rates increased by 22% in 2007. just suddenly one year, parents like 22% increase. Well, good thing they forgot about it the next month. No, it's not Alzheimer's, Sean.

I know. Shithead. Yeah. How do you like it, dick? You misspoke? I misspoke. How do you like it when you misspeak? Well, that's what I thought.

Yeah, because you don't have a crazy complex about being right all the time, right? That's right. So parents are self-reporting their kids' ADHD. Yeah, 22% higher in 2007, resulting in a 7.2. of all school-age children being diagnosed. These are parents just looking at their kids and seeing that they act a little hyper because most kids stay indoors and fuck around

with tablets and video games all day rather than playing outside. Especially boys. So they burn off their energy by acting out and their parents just look at them and shrug and they just determine by themselves that these kids have ADD. Then they drug the kids and teach the kids

to be victims for the rest of their lives. I can't count the number of times some kid I grew up with in school used ADD is an excuse for failure and underperforming. ADD is a psychological disorder all right, but one that has to do with their parents. Yeah. I've had kids, I remember growing up, the kid,

I had a kid in my first grade class who failed a test, and he said, yeah, I can't pass tests because I have ADD. And that's the first time I heard this phenomenon, and I thought, well, what the fuck is it? He goes, oh, it's attention deficit disorder. And even as a first grader, I knew that this was bullshit. Yeah. I think you're right about a lot of that, and I think the parents want a built-in excuse for it's like, oh, no, no, he's very, very smart.

He just can't take test because of his ADHD. It's like, well, maybe you didn't really make him buckle down like you ought to have. Well, maybe school sucks also. Like, fuck these dumb tests. Okay, anti-intellectualism. Vote up anti-intellectualism. Like, you need to learn spelling anymore. Like, that's a real thing. Like, how many times do you need to learn the participles of speech?

Never. You don't need to learn it every other year because they, teach kids the same shit because they don't carry it over the next year. It's a big fucking waste of time. How many hours of school did Benjamin Franklin have? Like what, three a day, two a day? Now kids that are growing up to work at McDonald's need eight, nine, ten hours of school every day? Seems like you could invent electricity on three a day. You could probably work in the service industry on like an hour of school a day. But then where would all the government subsidized babysitting go? Go ahead. Yeah, yeah, I have a big fucking problem.

I don't know, man. I don't know, man. I don't know. Ben Franklin didn't invent electricity, dick. Maybe you go to school to realize that he discovered it rather than inventing it. Maybe you go to school to learn grammar and spelling so that you don't sound like a road rage on a podcast. Maybe those things matter so you sound eloquent and you can express yourself and convey your thoughts succinctly. What, what, John?

Dears. And make sure you don't say dears, exactly, you motherfucker. Yeah. You have made off, you motherfucker. Yeah, I don't know, man. there's a difference between miss speaking every now and then and completely denouncing the education system as worthless. You went to Caltech, so why did you go to Caltech if you didn't see any value in school? Did you not hear anything I just said?

You went to Caltech, so why did you go to school if you didn't see any value in it? They weren't babysitting you. You paid tuition for that. Caltech has a really underrated improv program. A lot of people don't know that. Oh, is that why? Yeah. So, again, ADD is one of those things that you just self-diagnosed. self-diagnose, and pharmaceutical companies

constantly encourage people to take the test. I have the test with me, and I want everyone here to take it. Okay, guys, it's just six questions. And if you do, none of them, you fail. Right? Then you have ADHD. No, if you don't... Oh, I see what you're saying. Okay. Chokes.

Okay, question number one, guys. Everyone, I want you to pay attention. All right, see if we can get through this. How often do you have trouble wrapping up the final details of a project once the challenging parts have been done. The answers are never, rarely, sometimes, often, or very often? Tim.

Often. Okay, Tim. Never. You never have a problem, wrapping up projects. Nope. I'd say almost never. Oh, wait. Too late?

No, no, no. No, never. Too late? No, never. You're like a dick. You're the weird one. God damn it. Idiot, often.

Too late. How often do you have difficult to get? getting things in order when you have to do a task that requires organization? Never. You never have problems getting things in order? No. Tim? I got much shit together. Come on.

Okay, I'm going to put down Tim's very often. What? You can't do that? You getting your shit down? I don't know what that means, Tim. I don't speak your... I know. Sean's never.

Yeah, shows up every week with all his stuff to put together. Okay. You know, I'll just ask this last one here. How often do you guys feel overly active and compelled to do things like you were driven by a motor? This is one of the questions. Always. You always feel, okay. Oh, I'm sorry, Dick.

You have ADHD. You may have ADHD because you're driven and you're compelled to do things. Sean, how often do you feel driven and compelled to do things like you had a motor inside you? Sometimes if I think it's important, I'm driven. If I don't, I'm not. Harvest season? Put that in your answers. I'm getting guessed it's never.

Now, look, all right, look, we all going to say, obviously. we don't say always, right? Look, if you're driven by something, you're going to keep doing it. That's part of life. If you are driven, you're going to keep... How do you have ADHD, if you're driven? Tim, I can imagine everything you're saying

being quoted on a really shitty motivational poster, one that's tattered and hung crookedly. That's great. I like that. With a retortar of cat. If you can make a motivational post out of things I'm saying, I appreciate that. And just like an irrelevant photo, too,

like of sunflowers. or, you know, like a poppy seed bagel. Okay, Sunflowers are dope as fuck. Come on, man. What is the big ADHD drug? It's not Ritalin. What is the new one? Well, there's Adderall.

Adderall. I've been trying to think of it since we started talking about this. Then there's another one called, I want to say. Stratara. Well, there's another one. I think the drug is manafidil. I don't know what it is. Yeah, that's a new one, yeah.

It's sort of like a speed, but without all the jitteriness and stuff like that. Man, here's a dick tick for you. Take an Adderol and hit. hit up a strip club and your your mental focus and your gamesmanship will go up entire leagues. You'll be playing in the big leagues no matter where you were.

It's like a drug for focusing your chi. That's all I'm going to say. Yeah, try it, Tim Changs. I like that, man. I've never been a strip club before. It's surprising. Yeah. It's not surprised. I've never been to strip club.

Because you look like you're 19. No, I'm... Why haven't you been to a strip club? I'm 57 at heart. All right, man. I got an old, I got an old spirit. Yeah, you got an old dong doesn't work anymore. That's not what Tammy said. You got a bum pecker.

How are things going with Tammy? Did she hear the last podcast? She heard the last podcast. She wanted me back. Oh, that's good. We tried to meet. We met up at the Panini Cafe. Is that because you were trying to tell her stories about going to Paris?

Well, yeah, I was telling them about my stories and Patty, man. Fucking fraud. But Tammy, you know, she ordered some lamb, I order chicken. We got that best. That's not important. What happened with the reunion? Well, you know, we was out there. What are her boobs feel like, Tim?

I mean, they crusty, you know. Like a baguette? I mean, you know, like a baguette. Like a bunch of crumple chips. Do boys get diagnosed with ADHD more than girls do? Slightly more. It seems like the whole system is set up to fuck boys over. They do, but guys, you know, it may be a real disorder because here's how I know it's a real

disorder when commercials reassure me that the disorder is real. Even though cancer treatment commercials never start out with cancer is real and HIV prevention commercials never start out with AIDS is real. But when it comes to ADD for some reason, they have to convince you it's real. Listen to this commercial. I found this commercial online. It's like from a small market. Listen to this. Adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It's not. just a problem affecting our youth. It's a real medical condition that can afflict anyone of any age, and it can be treated. Even if you're 57 and you and your family deal with this condition. You feel in that music, Tim Chang? Man, I'm playing the piano right now, do it? Well, it's tough. People are

very busy with their lives. They've got to medicate their kids in line. You got to medicate. Katie Couric did an episode on ADD and brought in some supposed health expert. He was some Harvard doctor. I thought, oh, wow, this is cool. She's a, you know, she's got a real doctor in here. And, of course, he's hawking some book about ADD. Sure. Of course. And then she has this really weepy segment talking about people who suffer from ADD. Listen to this.

That's Katie Courageau. You sometimes feel overwhelmed like life is moving too fast and you simply can't keep up. Do you get distracted easily and have trouble focusing? For some, this is just everyday manageable stress. But for others, it can signal much more. ADHD has affected my relationship with my children in many ways, mainly because I'm always late. I feel like over the years I've let people down whenever they relied on me for something and I forgot. And it seems careless, but it was, it wasn't.

Well, it kind of was. Like I do empathize with people because the mind is a complex thing. No doubt some people have more trouble concentrating than others And if they can concentrate better with some of these drugs That's great I definitely support that Because drugs are working for me And if they're working for you, keep doing it

But it's bad to see it in kids Because drugs, drugs when you're that young Kind of fucks up your brain badage for life Especially when it's just kids being rambunctious maybe a lot of the time And we're never gonna see We're not going to know what happened for the next 40 years, right? Just like lead poisoning. I'll bring it in eventually, but you're not going to know the effect of the drugs you're pumping

into these kids for 30, 40 years down the line. When they start having their own kids and fucking them up in the same way. Well, actually, we know that effect now. And, Sean, to go back to that point you mentioned earlier, are there side effects of these drugs? This article just came out in The Telegraph. It's called the title of the article is, vastly overdiagnosed, and many children are just immature, say scientists.

From this article says, prescriptions for drugs like Ritalin have doubled to 922,000 a year in the last decade for children diagnosed with ADHD, but such medications can cause severe adverse reactions such as weight loss, liver toxicity, and suicidal

thoughts, and in the short term, may suppress puberal growth. Oh, smaller boobs? Smaller everything. Whoa, get rid of them. Yeah, some of the eagle. I know I've read some of the antidepressants are not approved for kids where they were, or, you know, teenagers where they used to be because your brain is not finished cooking yet.

No, it's really dangerous to fuck with, you know, here's the thing. Here's why I don't trust modern medicine that much is because, you know what, why didn't you cure the common cold first? And then we'll believe you a little bit more when it comes to curing minor, minute, behavioral disorders, allegedly. You know, they're not able to cure the common cold, yet they've zeroed in on this one tiny little thing that supposedly is affecting people. You want a drug that kills all viruses that will ever be?

Yes. It's called nanobots. No, but the common cold has been afflicting us for centuries. Yeah, but it's a different virus every time, right? It does mutate, but, I mean, there is a common strain within it because they're able to use vaccines for it every year. That's why you have the flu vaccines. Flu vaccine isn't cold.

Flu vaccines are not for cold. I'm talking about influenza. Oh, you're talking about influenza? That's not the common cold. Well, first you said cold, yeah. Oh, okay. Influenza's the flu. But they're a different level of effectiveness every year based on how complex the...

Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. So moving on, though, the problem ADD may just be a cultural phenomenon to go back to what you guys were saying, Dick and Sean. You guys mentioned it earlier. According to the article, why French kids don't have ADHD published in psychology today, French child psychiatrists, on the other hand, view ADHD is a medical condition that has psychosocial and situational causes. Instead of treating children's focusing and behavioral problems with drugs, French doctors preferred to look at the underlying issue that is causing the child's distress, not in the child's brain, but in the child's social context.

They then choose to treat the underlying social context problem with psychotherapy or family counseling. This is a very different way of seeing things from the American tendency to attribute all symptoms to biological dysfunction, such as a chemical imbalance in the child's brain. So the French don't use the DSM. It makes perfect sense. Yeah, yeah. Figure about possibly what's causing it and then whether you need a medicate or. not as opposed to just ripping off prescriptions.

Right. Absolutely. Putting a Band-Aid on the problem. Yeah, the DSM, the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders is what they use in psychological circles in the U.S. But instead, in the French,

excuse me, in France, they use the CFTMEA, which is something in French, which you should know that, too. I've seen this happen all the time in Petty, man. You've never fucking been there, dude. You know, these kids, man, like, they don't use that shit, man. I think you went to Panini Cafe

and you thought that was France. No, Panini Cafe, I'm Mediterranean and shit, dude. Come on. Oh, is it? Come on, dude. I know my shit, homie. Name three cities in France. Man, Patty. Yeah?

Man, Francois. He doesn't know them. You could say whatever you want. Yeah, I do. I've been to France a bunch of times. Yeah, man, you know me, then. But you know about the city of Francois. What's the airport you fly into in Paris?

The Gula Airport. That's what I thought. The Goulet Airport. Named after French Prime Minister, Robert Goulet. Famous, famous airport. I mean, I landed there, man, come on. Okay, anyway. What's the solution to this?

Make kids run laps. Gotta get those kids out there running laps until they fall asleep. No, the solution is in France, what they do is they try to identify and address the underlying psychosocial issues causing children's symptoms, not on finding the best pharmacological band-aids to which masks the symptoms. And this is the final thing I want to say. Psychiatrist's drumming up sales. That's what that is. All of them.

No, but it works. It works more than drugs. Like getting these kids hooked on drugs for the rest of their lives that may stunt their growth. Are you kidding me? That's a better solution? No, running laps. That's the solution. Better than going to some shrink and talking for the rest of your life. Better than drugs. There's plenty of fun drugs. Experiment with drugs when you're an adult. It's not going to fry your brain up.

So from that Telegraph article, they continue. They say, now a study of nearly 400,000 children between 4 and 17 years old in Taiwan. has shown that the percentage of youngsters diagnosed with ADHD significantly changes depending on month of birth. Okay? Listen to that. Listen to that again. I'm going to repeat that.

The amount of diagnosis of ADHD changes depending on which month you're born in. How is that at all consistent with this alleged diagnosis? What do you mean? Can you guys make any sense of this? Yeah, because you're younger in school, so you're more hyperactive. Or you're older. and so you're bored. I don't know.

Yeah, that's actually right. So these kids, there were just 2.8% of boys born in September have the condition, and the figure jumps to 4.5% in August, rising steadily over the school year. So they looked at some analysis and figured out why the diagnosis rate was so much higher in different months. And it turns out the authors say that in many cases it may be caused by teachers comparing the behavior of more mature children to those of youngsters who are up to a year younger. Sure. Or boys and girls. Why the fuck are they in the same class? They learn in totally different ways. How do you have a teaching curriculum designed to teach boys and girls the same thing at the same age? It's stupid. I think there's some overlap, and that may be another interesting to look at. But that's so telling right there.

because if you have a child who is born early into the school year or late into the school year so that they should skip a grade but they don't necessarily, they are essentially cognitively one year behind the rest of their classmates. So when a teacher is just looking at all the kids in the classroom and they see the one little kid fidgeting because, you know, your child may be actually three or four years old instead of five at the age they're supposed to be, they might incorrectly diagnose this kid as having ADD or ADHD getting this kid hopped up on drugs for the rest of his life and then giving this kid a disorder

where he thinks that he or she is a failure because they have this supposed condition. Anyway, it's a huge problem, man. ADHD diagnosis, ADD diagnosis. I think it's a bullshit disorder. You know what? And I've seen some extreme cases and I've talked to them. I've heard all the sob stories

and people have had their lives changed with these drugs. They've been able to focus and be much more productive. Great. If that's the case for you, fine, but you probably don't have ADD guys. I'm sure it's way over diagnosed, and America's probably the leader in diagnosing ADHD, I would assume.

It is. It's mostly an American phenomenon. You don't see this in France. I can think of two people, you know, growing adults, who I watch operate, and it's like they're doing one thing, and then the thought just completely leaves their mind and they go do something else. And then it's like, what was I doing?

It's almost like, it's a surprise to them. Like, why am I over here doing this? What was I doing? It's very strange to see because I've never really run across it. Oh, you think that's ADHD? Is that what that is? I don't know, man. I've seen people just get into a task and then get distracted by something else and start doing

that without finishing the first thing. And these are really small, menial tasks. Like, they can't even stay focused long enough to do that. Well, it's happened to me, and I'm the smartest man in the universe. Like, sometimes I'll be working on something and I'll get up and I'll start working on something else and I'll stop that. What page your book is that? Are either one of those tasks writing your book?

Yeah. You know what? The book's coming along fine, dickheads. The book's fine. What percentage out are we at on the book? Honestly, about 67%. I wish I remember when you did. Well, my book's at 100%.

I'm completely with my book. Tim, you don't have a book. You have a pamphlet. What's your book called? Man, it's called. The pop-up guide. Tim Chang's. Boo-peep, beer.

It's a good book. What do you talk about? I talk about the struggle, man. I talk about every day. You literally, you literally, your book is My Struggle. It's called Tim Chains. Is that...

It's called Tim Chains My Struggle. Yeah. You might want to check the title now. Someone else has already taken it. It might be a famous book. It sounds like you struggle. It sounds like you struggle to come up with that title. Yeah.

Do you offer any solutions in the book? Yeah, man. The solution is solving the problem. Oh, yeah. Hey, speaking of problems, Tim, what's your bullshit? Do you have a... Look, don't get your kids addicted to Ritalin. but do get them addicted to Harry's shave.

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Maddox and I have been using them for a year. I love the shit out of mind. Tim, we should probably hook you up with a gift box. Because you shave, you shave all the time. I shave every single day. of my life. Your mom's upper lip, maybe. Hey, come on.

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Thank you. Either one. I would gladly shave my mom. You know, she's dead. It's all good. She'll love the feel of the Harry's razor. Yes. Harry's, thank you all so much.

All right. Let me get my fucking problem, man. You don't have a, you don't get to have a problem, Tiz. You said one-on-one. He said when he came when he's doing a showdown. One-on-one. You agreed to it. Okay, fine.

What's your bullshit-ass problem? Let's hear it. All right, look, ever since I came on this podcast, I've been nothing but nice to you, Madoff. Nuisance. You mispronounce nuisance. I was an audio engineer to help

To help this podcast You were filling. All right. I was helping you all out. I put you on my top five Select Friends video because I thought you was my friend. That was an ambush video.

You came, you trespassed. You're not allowed on my property anymore. I'm still working out. I'm filing a paperwork for the restraining order, all right? Doesn't matter. I know people in the government.

All right. Who do you know in the government? Barack Obama. Yeah, of course. Okay. Now, what's your problem? This is my problem. And this includes you,

Madoff. Uh-huh. Haters. Oh, it definitely includes Madoff. Madoff, you were the biggest hater of me, man. You don't think I'm a DJ. I just made seven drops. Dick Masterson.

Yay! I made that one. I made this one. Yeah. Okay. And this one took half a day. Madoff, you some bitch. What the fuck is that even front?

Is that just Duke Nukem clips? No, man. I got there from Google.com. So haters is a problem I imagine you run into a lot of haters In your line of whatever it is That you call this The only hate as far as I know

Is just Madoff Yeah, right? It's Maddox shithead You know what? Get it right, Tim Or I'm gonna delete Sean delete everything from Tim says You are a tremendous hater

You are the biggest hater I've ever met And you also hate your fam You hate the people Who listen in his pockets You hate on them You call them shitheads? That's true

Why do you call him that? That's true. Why just call him like, hey, no, buddy, don't do that. Tim, you actually have a point. It's everything you're saying right now is true. I do. You do say that. I do, I do.

I do think that, I do think lowly of most of the listeners. Do you think that you're a hater? Yeah, I'm a hater. Of course I'm a hater. You bleed haterade. It's coursing through your veins. The biggest hater in the universe. The best hater in the universe, Tim.

I will hate you more than anyone. Well, guess what? I don't give in to hate. I give them to love. So you know what, Maeda, I still love you no matter what. But I do want to tell the fam right now that when they hear... Why do you keep saying fam? Who are you talking to?

I'm talking about the fam. My friends. Is that short for family? Like, do you think you're British too? No, first of all, the British never said fam. Who says fam? My homies. Old people do.

Old people say cool people. Oh, cool people. Yeah, I mean, look. All people say family. Oh. Look, I want all the fam to know this. I love Madoff. Right?

Yeah. But when you guys hear this... Hey, Sean. Glad you're bringing in a fucking problem, dude. I hope you're bringing in Panders. Like three episodes where you talk shit about panders. How hard is it to...

Audio engineer. How hard is it to press a line on a screen? Sorry, man. That was my feet. Like, why are you pawing at it like a cat? It's a... You know how a touch screen works. No, I don't.

It's a precision touch. No, I use laptops, all right? And just chill out. Well, you're playing that thing like Ray Charles. though like getting your entire finger like a blind person feeling around. Is Ray Charles not a legend? Yeah but Ray Charles can't use a touchscreen. That's the point.

Come on, don't say that. He can do that. Go ahead. Look. I'm sorry I'm being a hater. That's right. You being a hater right now. I want the fam, if you're going to give in to the hate, then give in to this.

When you guys, when the fam hear this, Madoff, you so bitch. I want you all to comment on the page and say, Madoff, you're some bitch. Okay. I want y'all to comment on that. When you hear it, pause the podcast right now and type below in the comments say, Maydorf, you some bitch.

Then refresh the page and then like any comment that says Madoff, use a bitch. I mean, this isn't the worst guest problem that's ever been brought in. I think it is. This is the worst guest. Give a listen to some of the old ones. The worst studio guest, the worst presence. I would just say, like, okay, I'm going to rate you, Tim, as a human being. Okay.

Thank you. First of all I haven't even... You're not going to be thanking me, shithead. You know what? I'll start with a positive, okay? I'll start with a positive. All right, then.

Your voice is damn sexy. Dick has a point. Oh, I didn't say it sucks. You said it with your eyes. The curtains match the drapes. You'd be getting laid a lot more. Yeah. You guys don't see what's going on

behind the scenes here. Dick is throbbing. Yeah. He's jerking off right now. Come on, dick. Okay, so the positives out of the way. You, your presence as a human, a one. A one out of ten.

Like, I get the same, I get the same energy from you as like a turnip. You know, a turnip that's old. Yeah. I like turnips, though. Yeah, who doesn't like turnips? Right, it's healthy, it's vegetable. Make a stew at them. Old people like turnips.

All right, my spirit's 57. Then why don't you say family instead of fam? I could say family and fam. Why? I can't say both. I think you're proving how horrible haters really are. You are such a hater, mate. You're proving how horrible this problem is.

You're finding so many reasons that hate me, and I've done nothing but give you love. I show you peace and compassion, just like the United States. What do you mean by that, Tim? Just like turkey. Just like turkey. Oh, yeah. Just like... Real deep joke there, Sean.

Sean with the stealth bomber over there. Look, we all... Do you use a lot of... love in the rap game or the DJ game. I only use love. Look, I only support people. I only give people love. I do yoga, all right?

Every other hour of the day. Every, every other hour. So you're spending 12 hours the day doing yoga? He'll be ridiculous. He's got to sleep. I mean, I sleep, but I do it every other hour when he's awake. Every waking hour. Every waking the hour, but also sometimes in my sleep.

You know? Look. You're doing the lying talk or what? My message is this to all the people listen now. Don't hate on people, man, because when you hate on people, look, you're just wasting your own time. Like, focus on yourself. You guys got things y'all want to do in life, right? So then go for that thing, man.

Don't put any other people down, especially don't put yourself down. Look, support each other. Again, all right? Support each other, all right? Support each other. Like the U.S. support Paddy and the U.K. And they support Israel. And they support Africa.

and they support Antarctica. The U.S. support every single country in the world. Just like every country support U.S. Okay, that, again, like I said, like I said, like I said, I mean just us. I don't mean the country. I get it. I get it, Tim. You know what?

Like, again, I think, I feel like everything you say is like, is very quotable on a really shitty motivational poster. You could take that giant run-on sentence that you just said, plop it right on a motivational poster with just, you know, a stack of manila envelopes or whatever garbage-ass, non-inspirational, and then just hang it crookedly. Make that happen for him instead of your stupid whatever quote you said. Look, again, Hayden.

Madoff, you some bitch. Look, cocking the laser pistol. My philosophy is this, all right? No matter what people tell you, you listen to them. And then you go. Okay. Listen, all right, listen, I ain't done. No matter what people tell you, listen.

to them and then hear it with your ears. But don't take in what they're saying, but only take in what you believe you can do to change yourself. But what they're telling you is not to change yourself, don't listen to that. When people are telling you that you are only about as good as you can be, then go out and be as best as you can be. Because nothing in life is ever going to be the same. But when it's not the same, you're going to go ahead and be different.

Don't be the same if you're not going to be different. Difference is only the person that you are. And when you're the person, you know exactly how it's going to be. So tell you what, let's go out there, let's make this money, let's get your dreams come true. But when dreams don't come true, you better go grab it and start sleeping a little bit more. And then go inside your bed and make sure that everything out there that you know is healthy for your body. Your body doesn't know exactly what it needs. So go and find it.

But if you can't find it, go on the internet and go search for it then. Because if you're not searching for it, then you're giving up, and you don't need to give up on life right now. Life is a positivity training. So go out, do your thing, believe in yourself. Don't hate nobody because Hayden's only spewing evilness. And evilness is not the kind of thing you need in this world right now. So in this world, you need to have water and get healthy. Eat yoga?

Eat yoga? I think you meant to say yogurt. Oh. Is that like an abbreviation? Fam? Like fam? Eat your yoga. I would just like to point out that both Maddox and I independently have looked at Tim Chang's while he's talking because he seems to be reading this from something he's looking at.

And both of us have looked to try to find what he's reading and found that there's nothing there. I did too. He's just staring through the table. Vacantly. Did you finish? Is that your problem? Do you have anything else you want to add to the haters problem, Tim? Which again, I still don't know how it's a problem at all.

How does it affect anybody in any negative way? Was the moral to eat yogurt? Is that one? I was paying attention. Yoga, man. Yoga's peace. Yoga's calm. Eat yoga.

Enjoy. Oh, you actually meant to say yoga. Yes. When I say eat, I don't mean it. Like, you'll actually physically use your mouth to eat yoga. It's a metaphor. It's a metaphor.

It's like a simile and shit. You wouldn't get it, man. You wouldn't get it, Maydorf. Yeah. I only speak in literals. It's true. Man, you... What?

What, Tim? You said Diaz, bitch. Okay. Is you ready done? Did you have anything else prepared? No, I'm good, man. That's my problem. Hope y'all don't hate nobody.

All right. Stay love. Stay fam. Here's... Tim Chess. You're like a busted Martin Luther King. Like, Martin Luther King couldn't speak at all. His diction was bad.

He wasn't black. He thought he was. Yeah, that's you. The busted Martin Luther King. Hey, man, I'll take credit when credit's due. Yeah. You will, and you won't be getting any. Ever.

It's never going to be due, buddy. Sean, did this live up to your expectations? You weren't here when Tim Chang's was in that time. No, it totally did. Oh, good. I wanted to be here so bad. Okay. Are you ready for my problem?

This is a side problem. I know this isn't part of the beef that you guys have, the showdown. So this is just like a, you know, just vote it up. It doesn't have, there's no effect on the made-off Tim Chang's beef. It's lack of gym etiquette, or poor gym etiquette. I don't know how to phrase it. I'll probably discover that while I'm talking about it. Obesity is a huge problem.

Am I right? Yeah. Are you right? No. A big problem. Tim Chan, no? No, why? People can be whatever they want to be.

Okay, that's ridiculous. Tim, wrong. That's a fallacy. No, don't fall. But you know what makes it harder to go to the gym to lose all that weight is horrible, horrible gym etiquette. Does anyone in this room with a quick show of hands know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I suspect we're going to get about 50-50. Max, you're raising your hand.

Yeah. You have a problem with poor gym etiquette as well. Well, I've seen it, you know, towel off a machine. when you're done and put the weights back in the rack. Oh my God, it's so much worse than that. I'm just going to go down the list here. Talking, talking while at the gym.

Are you talking about like two people training at the gym and talking to each other? I'm talking about these guys that walk into the gym acting like they're the mayor of Musseltown, going around to everybody at every station checking in on them like they're running for office.

Hey, has a talking as loud as possible about what they did last this weekend, what they're going to do. None of it is gym related. None of it is ever gym related. They're never talking about working out, which makes it 10 times more distracting when they do it.

It drives me insane. But why? Because I'm concentrating on being at the gym. Why do you need to care about what other people are saying to you? Why don't just do your shit? They're not even talking to me. It's just very distracting.

Imagine you were trying to make more of these drops and somebody was behind you doing drops. doing drops out loud. That would be distracting to you making your drops. That's not possible. I got headphones on. Great. What is... They're beats by Dre so you can hear everything outside.

So Dick, what you're saying is they're distracting. People who talk of the gym are the ADD of the gyms. They make you have... They invoke ADD attention deficit disorder and you while you're working out. Yeah, yeah. It's an external symptom.

Yeah. Maybe I should be on drugs before I get to the gym. Take some Prozac before you go lift. Missing, missing equipment. Stealing, stealing all of the handles. Yeah? Yeah. So, that happened a year?

Yeah, right? So there's these, the fucking triangles. The canvas straps with the handles on them that go to every machine at the gym are always missing. There's always like two of them in the whole gym. And you need them for every machine. Like they turn the equipment, the 2,000 pound equipment, into something you can use with your hands. They're essential. They're the most important thing in there.

There's always like two of them for the entire gym. They're always disappearing. And the employees there, everybody who works at the gym, they don't see it as, they see it as like a public utility. And they just go like, well, we're out of them. Tough luck. I don't know who's convinced them that the gym works like Barter Town, like that nobody's responsible for anything.

But if you ever need replacement equipment, you are SOL. How about this one? How about the asshole who sits on the same machine for 15 minutes because he's fucking around with his phone? Yeah. Yeah. And like four people are waiting for it. How about this one? How about the drinking faucets that people turn to face out so they can fill their water bottles and then don't turn back the other way?

So when you go to press the button to get water, it looks like you just pissed your pants. And you're walking around with sloppy shoes for the rest of the day. Oh, man. I just turn the faucet back the other way. That's right. made out give me a high five yeah I actually high five Tim Tim Chumps for the first time of my life

Tim Chang's B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B No no Tim you did not earn that No you just gave me a high five Yeah that doesn't mean play the drop Here's my drop That's not your drop your drop is this Madoff you're so bitch

So stupid Can you do a search room place for sound clips John? That should be a thing What's that? Search your place for sound clip Yeah that should be that's what you could do that Actually, that's what a noise removal program is. Yeah, that's how you do it.

You highlight that segment of the audio file, said that to be noise, and then remove it from the entire track. Done. Don't do that, Sean. Come on, man, I made you a drop, Sean. This episode's going to sound great. We're leaving it all in. Thank you so much. So, Dick.

Sean, audio engineer. In case you forgot, Sean is still here. Thank you, Tim Choms. So, Dick, the, the, a buddy mine, his name is Michael Cabes. He has this YouTube series called the Hacks of Life Hacks and things like that out there. He made this video about

hacking the gym and getting in for free and all these other things. It's a really funny video. Getting in for free. Just walking in. This is like my level shit. I do the shit too all the time, especially at hotels. At hotels I'm not staying at. I walk in and use their gym consistently and I always get away with it.

Hotel Jules kind of suck though. What? Hotel gyms suck. Well, what gyms are you going to? They don't have triangles. What? It doesn't sound like the gyms you're going to are much better. Well, that's why I almost wanted to just bring in gyms as a whole.

But, you know, they're a necessary evil. What am I going to have a whole Olympic weight set in the parking garage in my apartment? That's not going to work. Yeah, some people get those gym sets and then they never use them at home. Yeah. So what is your friend Lifehack? Yeah, he had this one about, Sean, because it reminded me of, when Sean said that some guys just sit at the machine for 45 minutes or whatever,

he went into the gym to try to push the envelope of how outrageous you can be in terms of reserving equipment. He walked over to a wait bench and put an out-of-order sign on the wait bench. And then he just recorded it for 20, 30 minutes, and people came by, looked at the sign, looked at the bench, and then walked away. But that's a real thing. How can a wait-bench be out of order? If the bolts are broken and it collapses while you're trying to lift like 300 pounds, you're going to die.

Having an out-of-order weight bench is a very real thing. These benches aren't ones that have bolts in them. They're welded. They're solid steel. But they're bolted to the floor. Yeah. Like having an... I don't think that's as crazy as an audience who doesn't work out would see it.

Dick, if you saw an out-of-order sign on a weight bench, wouldn't you just, you know, kick it, see how stable it is? Why would it ever be... Yeah, but it's stable until you're lifting a tremendous amount of... on a wait and then it's fucked. I would assume that it's not some gymnoid running around sticking out-of-order signs randomly. I would assume something bad happened

on this weight bench that I don't want to find out. I'll just wait till the next one is available. It would be funny if those signs were stuck on dumbbells. Yes. It would be a lot funnier than, or a mirror or something like that, but not a bench. Those things can come apart on you.

That's exactly why it works. Have you ever seen one come apart? Yeah. Really? I've seen a bench break, sure. Huh, I've never seen it. Oh, yeah. But again, you're at the gym with no triangles.

Well, I mean, I'm at the gym. Yeah, okay. Let's just finish. Let's just start there. What else you got? Yeah. I got PDAs. Those are bad. Public displays.

PDAs at the gym? Oh, dude. They're the worst because it's like the only chick in there, and odds are you're going to be staring at her the entire time. Yeah. Do you take, uh, oh, well, you don't do a treadmill. I was going to ask you if you take a treadmill or an elliptical or something behind. I've tried to do tread tread treadmills just because the girls

are up there. Yeah. Like to look at them. Or maybe, you know, like, strike up a conversation about the 6 o'clock news or whatever happens. So breaking your own violation? Your own rule? No, I can't do it. I can't do it. I just can't. I can't do it. I get bored. Maybe I have running ADHD. So I can't get on

a treadmill for longer than like three minutes without wanting to kill myself. You want to kill yourself? Yeah, man. Boredom. It's a big problem. But you can't be bored. You're running. What do you mean? You're running. How can you be boring? Running is the most boring thing. How much do you? think about while you're running.

I think about DJing. I think about Tammy. I think about eating hot dogs. Yeah, but it's just like sitting in a room by yourself is like running. It's very boring. It's because your mind's not focused on something else. You're thinking about the running. You've got to think about something else. Yeah. You're probably right.

You usually are. Thank you. Guys walking right by you. These guys are cruising around the gym on their phones. Whatever you're doing, right? They always find the perfect moment to walk. right by you while you're moving your arms. You need full extension.

You need full range of motion here, right? I'm moving my arms all the way out to the side. When you're in, that's the moment when they're wandering through with their posse, talking about, talking in general at the gym which they shouldn't be doing, and you have to pause during your workout and wait for these assholes to walk by you. It's very frustrating. Yeah, I don't know, Dick. I don't experience these problems at the gyms that I go to because I go to smaller gyms.

That's the solution. If you want to avoid all this bullshit, just go to a smaller gym. Never ever go to a 24-hour fitness. They're awful. When is there a smaller gym in L.A.? Like CrossFit? Oh, everywhere. There's lots of independent gyms out there. They're usually trainer gyms. What, Sean? What about the people who never wash their fucking gym

clothes? Yeah, that's gross. I've been in a small gym before where literally half of it could fucking knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. It was fucking awful. It's disgusting. Re-racking the weights? How about that one? Yeah? It's annoying. It's the employees again.

Why is it, why are there, why is there re-rack your weights propaganda all over the gym? Because nobody racks their weights, right? It's their job. We're not doing it. No one's re-racking their weights. Signs aren't going to fix the problem. You guys, take a texting break every once in a while, get up and move them around. Put them back where they're supposed to be.

Yeah. Let's be honest, do you do that? Rack the weights? Yeah. Sometimes. Respect. All right. Not the 15s.

I don't take them back to the aerobics area. Okay. You motherfucker. Yeah. That's where you meet the chicks, Dick, in the aerobics area. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You want to pick up those pink dumbbells.

Yeah. Misuse of equipment. People doing tricep kickbacks on bench machines. The whole thing's very... The whole experience is frustrating. Yeah. That's it. That's my problem.

All right. Vote it up. Probably not as big as haters. I don't think this one's getting voted up. No. Well, if you go to the gym, vote it up. Yeah. Not Tim.

We know Tim doesn't because he's doing yoga. his sleep apparently. I'm doing yoga. I'm working out. I'm weight. I'm doing basketball in the gym. I'm lifting, dude. I'm doing squat presses. Yeah, how much you lift him? 300 pounds. I mean, it's normal. Yeah, that's normal. That's good. Yeah, you wouldn't know anything about that because you don't go to the gym. Yeah. Bitch. Madoff, you're some bitch. You know what, Tim, vote yourself up, shithead. I'm going to put Tim Chumps on the, uh, the the problem list.

You're a hate. You're a hater. All you do is hate on me, Tim. All I do is provide and provide and provide. I'm a giver and you're a receiver. Okay. That's all right. All you do is receive and there's no appreciation for it.

What? Yeah. You call me made off. You got these like shitty sound drops with farts and laser beams in them. Yeah, because you was hate on me first. How dare you? Fine. I tell you what.

I make a beat for you right now. Okay. Make you a drop right now. What, live? Live right now. Live drop right now. Randy, get your cell phone. Wait, why do you need a cell phone? I don't know. He likes to record shit. All right. Oh, get his cell phone to record a video of you doing it live?

Yeah, me doing it live. Also, you know, you can match it with the podcast. Okay. Making a drop right now. Madoff. You all right, man. Hey! You all right. Here's one more. Yeah, that one sucked.

Madoff. I love you, Madoff. Yeah. Now that's what I call a sound drop. That's really cool. You know what? Now I have two ringtones I want to listen to. I want to hear that on loop,

and then I want to hear the other one where I'm talking about being a writer. But you should also hear this one. Madoff, you some bitch. Okay, great. All right. ADD diagnosis My problem was fucking hate us

Like Madoff My problem is lack of gym etiquette Thanks for listening Oh Sean I get some voicemail for you Phenomenal Yeah Hey Sean

I hear you're bringing in a problem That's gonna be great You know We'd love to hear a problem for you If you don't accidentally delete it first Dick go fuck it down There has to be like a ton of those There has to be

Hey guys This is Casey from Washington. Oh, my God. I look forward to Sean's problem. Oh, too much. Love the show. He's having a good time. Oh, actually, I'm going underway soon.

So I'll probably see it when I get back. I don't know. This dude's dope. Jesus. I'll see you guys. I mean, I'm not seeing you guys. I'll listen to the show. Now, I'll see you, man.

Keep it up. Bye, bye. What was he doing? I'm so confused. I don't know. He started normal. He's a happy dude, man. I like that, dude.

Here's someone's asking about the bumper sticker in your car. Hey, Matt. I got a question about your bumper sticker, the one that gets you out of trouble. Yeah. It doesn't happen to be a sort of multicoled puzzle pieces, does it? And just asking. Is it? Autism. Oh, is that one of where it is.

Okay. Voicemail of the day. Yeah. On point.