The Biggest Problem in the Universe - CALL IN SPECTACULAR #3

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls from all around the world, it's the world famous podcast you've come to love and you love to know and you know to love and you love to love. It's the biggest problem in the universe, yes, yes. Uninspired tech. The chat is mad at my music. My music is great. I can't shut up.

Let's do a real intro. Ladies and gentlemen, from all around the world, it's the biggest problem in the universe. We'll be showing you every problem in the universe. From rape whistles, from wedding of thistle,

I'm not even going to run around. It's the biggest problem, the biggest problem in the universe. Okay, guys, it's really hot. I don't know how the audio is. Let me turn off the thing. There we go. Well, guys, as you may have noticed,

we're here doing the biggest problem in the universe. And who is missing? Of course, Dick Masterson. Big Hollywood Masterson off on another trek around the globe, leaving us here, leaving me to run the show myself. Now, can't hear me over the music. How about now?

How do we sound? You know what? You know who's going to help me with my sound real quick is Carl from Who Are These Podcasts? Vito Diswaldi. What is happening, my friend? Good to see you. I'm screwing this up from

the get-go. You're killing it. How's my audio sound? Does it sound okay? You sound fantastic. People are fucking with you. Don't listen to them. Yeah, they always do that. They always do that. Well, Carl, we're going to have a host of exciting guests tonight. We're going to have the fans of the show calling in

because what we like to do on these special call-in shows is check in with our audience check in with our fans check in with past guests and let people hit us with what is going on in their life what is their biggest problem in the universe what do you think about that carl i i love it you know normally i think the listeners should listen and not talk but since dick isn't here that's probably a good change of pace. Now, are people watching this on YouTube right now? Because I'm not seeing any comments coming through.

People in the private chat are saying maybe, okay, now we're back on. I'm seeing, I'm seeing a live show. Should be good. Great. Yeah. All right. So Vito, I have to tell you, I'm proud of you. You're doing this without Dick Masterson,

who really let's, let's be honest. He runs this show. Wow. You're just a lot for the ride, but here you are, you're doing this. You're making it happen. Even his absence. That's amazing. And Vito, I think I brought a problem. Do you want to talk about problems? What are we doing? 1.5 0 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 problems what are we doing i would carl i'm really excited to have you here and to be kicking us off i'm going to ask you the question i'm going to ask everybody tonight carl from who are these podcasts what is the biggest problem in the universe now i was on this show before as you know yeah and i brought i brought social media and i think i'm still the the number one winner with this it's still proven i'm very upset you brought in media. I think it is too broad a

topic, but sure. Speaker 1, I mean, think about these NPC streamers now on Tik TOK. I'm proven right over and over again, that the biggest problem universe is social media. So many examples, Elon Musk, for some reason changed Twitter to X. I mean, this is a problem. These are all problems. These are problems, but I think maybe I brought an even bigger problem today for you, Vito, because I was just out with my wife. We were having some dinner and we were at a sports bar. Now, if you're not familiar, a sports bar, what they do there is they, they serve you a food and drinks and then sports on TV. Yeah. I don't like that. I know you're not a big sports guy. I know you're not more about

this food and drink. All right. Well, the cheeseburger had bacon on it. You wouldn't believe it. It was amazing. All right. How you doing with the weight loss contest? You know, you know what I've this week, four out of the five days, I have done 30 minutes of cardio. I have been lifting a little bit. So you got to do it. It doesn't have to be every day. You just got to make it a regular routine. That's good. Yeah. I'm trying to get into a routine. And I think we got, I think I'm in like a manic state or something.

Suddenly I have energy. I'm hoping it doesn't leave me. I'm hoping the exercise is helping. Well, you look great. Thank you. Sure. We go to the sports bar, Carl. I'm at the sports bar and I'm having a dinner and having a beverage. Speaker 3 4th Speaker 1 Speaker 2 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0,

0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 the board, Carl, why? Let us know. And this is going to be a hot take. I know because I actually, I'm a soccer fan. I played soccer in high school. I went to Europe and played soccer. I'm a fan of the sport. And people think that women's soccer is good.

And it is the opposite of that. It's funny because everyone knows basketball. So they look at the WNBA, they go, oh, these women suck at this. This, this is terrible. And they're right. But then they watch soccer. They go, yeah, but women are good at soccer. No, they most certainly are not. It's it's terrible. It's to the point where if you got the best 16 year old men in the country playing any of these women's world cup teams, they would destroy them. It wouldn't even be a game. And yet we're supposed to sit here and, and watch this thing as if this is actual sports.

And this is what really pissed me off. Vito. I know you're not an ESPN guy, but ESPN has gone all woke. So I've heard this. Yeah. So I'm, I'm watching the women's world cup over here, which is unwatchable. And then, okay, good. There's a TV in front of me. I can look at that TV. Guess what they're playing. They're playing softball and it's not like a college softball. It's not adult women. I'm talking about tweens. These, these girls are probably 13, 14 years old playing softball. They can't, they can't make routine plays in the infield. Like what are we watching here? Why is this on ESPN? It's on ESPN. Not ESPN

seven ESPN. I'm watching softball. This is insane. Like children's sports that I go. All right. It's like when they do little league, the little league championships, I'm like, sure. But mostly I don't want to watch children playing sports. Definitely not women. Right. Worst of both worlds. Speaker 3, I'll tell you the one time that I enjoy children playing sports. I go to a lot of hockey games and we have a minor league team here in Rochester, the Rochester Americans. And what they'll do is they'll, they'll try it out. The little kids between periods. Yeah. What do they call them? The, the Peewee. I remember this. It was a thing in Massachusetts too. It was a big hockey town. Oh yeah. You're from the mighty mice. They would bring out the mighty mice at halftime. Yeah. Yeah. You're

from the Northeast, not halftime, but between periods, but you're close. Sure. It's pretty good for you. I'll give it to you. Fair enough. So the kids come out and they can barely skate and they can't stick handle and they fall over the place. It's hilarious. And by the way, that's the only reason I can get my wife to go to these games is just to watch these kids fall on their faces. She loves her. She loves it. She's like, get the popcorn.

Let's go. Good entertainment. We know this. Right. America's, what do you call it? Funniest home videos made an entire 10 seasons out of it. Kids on a slippery surface, sign me up. I'm there.

I'm all for it. But women playing soccer? Vito. Nothing there. You're not a sports fan. You're not in the world of sports. I'll watch a sports game. I just don't follow it.

Right. But this is why I'm setting it up this way. I want to ask you, have you heard about the Women's World Cup? Do you know what's happening right now? No. But, but this is why, this is why I'm setting it up this way. I wanna ask you, have you heard about the women's world cup? Do you know what's happening right now? No. Oh, okay. I was gonna say, I was gonna say, because it's everywhere. I think I saw the only reason I know about it is I think I saw a bunch of petulant American athletes refusing to, uh, stand for the national anthem or something. And I think it was the women's soccer team and everyone was pissed about it. I'm like, yeah, but it's women's

soccer. So it doesn't matter. 0 1. Oh, that's the other thing too, is that we're supposed to applaud this team because they fought for equal pay. The women make the same amount of money as the men. And this is the thing about equal pay as, as you know, Vito, yeah. Equal pay for equal work. These women suck at soccer. So they should probably make way less than the men who are good at soccer. Hey, affirmative action. Shouldn't we revisit this soccer payment issue? I feel like they got grandfathered in. That's unfair. I agree with you, sir. I think we should let the Asians into Harvard and we should cut the pay of the women's soccer team. That's how I think,

but I'm a conservative. What do I know? Women's soccer. Biggest problem in the universe. Carl, I think you could win. I'm going to get Dick to put all these problems up this time. Everyone will be able to vote at biggestproblem.show. And Carl, I know you just finally had your fateful meeting with Stuttering John. Where can people check that out? I know that's been a match in the making for the years now that is on our patreon patreon.com slash worthy's podcast i got john on for about 70

minutes and it was amazing we had we had a full-on debate argument you might say yeah but by the end of it we pulled out the acoustic guitars i saw it became a jam session no it's so funny because the power of shitty acoustic guitar brings everybody together now kevin brennan is busting my balls about this he's like oh i thought carl was all pissed at john and now they're they're playing guitars together they're all bffs i was goofing on john he wrote the worst song i've ever heard in my life he was trying to go with the song off the cuff. So I was watching a show and I go, all right, it's a C to a G to a D to an A. Okay. I got this. So I went on like, John, I learned that song that you were doing. I started playing it with them because I was goofing on him because it sucks. That was the

point. It's a good bit. Why is everybody overanalyzes what's going on? Like, oh, now Carl's sucking up. Now, Carl's's i was listening to the whole thing with you and uh was it kevin brennan trying to yeah destroy the interview or whatever else uh it was very you're up to speed on this holy shit i was working out today on my exercise bike i put on the watp drama like breakdowns to know what's going on i wasn't expecting any of this you were working out you know about me and kevin brennan this is i wasn't prepared to listen to to know what's going on. I find it. 0 1 N fucking with you. Well, Carl, from Who Are These Podcasts, everybody, please subscribe to Who Are These Podcasts on YouTube. Find them on Patreon. Biggest problem in the universe. Once again, give it to me, Carl. Women's World Cup soccer.

Women's World Cup soccer. Thanks for being with us. Wow! What a great guest, guys. And that's just some of the great guests you can find here on Biggest Problem in the Universe. Don't forget, Carl has appeared on previous shows. A great guest we love to have him and there's been other great guests on this show as well for those of you wondering

we will be opening the chat line up to uh regular callers you will be able to call in right now i want to bring in another classic face good friend of mine and one who uh i think is very relevant to a current movie that maybe some of you've seen oppenheimer dr kevin is here kevin how's it going hello yeah i'm glad i have not you have seen oppenheimer i saw it the day before it came out yeah in hollywood they give you like any action did they give you early access to that no no i um i saw it though there were a lot of other people worked on the movie there but i still it wasn't early i just i signed up for it like like the was that it it wasn't a pre-screen it's just you know the the grumman theater the theater in hollywood they they will always show a big the biggest movie like a night before

so i sat there waiting for the tickets to go on sale and then i i got my tickets like rose america is fighting over taylor swift tickets and the latest jordans dr kevin is frantically trying to get access to the movie about nuclear bombs yeah i love that movie because i you know i work in los alamos so it's like that was i've seen this house i've seen some of the sets that those are what did you do in los alamos well it's classified no it's it's not classified actually i didn't do any i didn't work on anything that had to do with classified so a lot of people i know do but yeah i do fundamental or something no i do uh um i do fundamental neutron research so it's related to the stuff that um that you know that they work on yeah it's not

specifically aimed at uh one particular thing it's just advancing fundamental and are those is that area just like irradiated so there's like interesting metals to pick up or whatever oh yeah yeah i grew like an extra dick just being there so you have to you don't have to walk around with a geiger counter do you or like you're really still ready irradiated there i have to walk around with a Geiger counter, do you? Are you really still irradiated there? I have to walk around with a dosimeter, but that's because of the building I work in. There's a proton accelerator, and that itself poses a little bit of radiation danger if it were to what we call spill, if it were to mis-aim. But it's totally safe. Okay.

but it's totally safe. I mean, it's... Okay. One of the things that happens when you're a nuclear physicist, you get actually very unscared of nuclear radiation. Like when you see a bomb go off, that's like in the thousands

of giga curies range of radiation. Whereas I work with things that are in the nano curies to micro curies. So a billion, billion times lower. So it just, it doesn't matter. It's like being scared of uh you know like a little match car when you know it's like when you normally work with like

jet airplanes going over you so um you know what's interesting i don't know if we ever asked you about this i think dick on a previous episode brought in marie curie claiming that she uh stole all her husband's accomplishments that he was the real workhorse. How does the scientific community actually think about Marie Curie? I think she did a pretty good job. I mean, they worked together. Hashtag voted down. Dick's poem was stupid.

Yeah. I mean, I don't really know how much they stole from each other, but, I mean, I think they were. Yeah. Pretty good team. I don't think husbands and wives actually should normally do, do research together. It is a weird situation. For other reasons.

I mean, not, not because of the science part is just not, first of all, it makes everyone around them uncomfortable and it's just not good for the relationship. And I do have to ask, since I have not seen Oppenheimer,

how was Oppenheimer? Well, i thought it was fantastic yeah like just a great movie yeah really really good movie uh it's certainly not on the um family pleasing entertainment end uh like the way barbie was which is why barbie movie is winning in the in the i liked the barbie movie but i think i don't know how long the barbie movie was oppenheimer's like three hours i love now we know which one you went to you made your choice i see well i was like i don't know man it seems like it's gonna be long and slow i kind of want to watch it like it was very like yeah i want to get it even towards the end i would say even the end was slightly too long for in my that's the kind of thing i want to watch it like a miniseries i want to watch like an hour at

a time or 45 minutes at a time slowly go through it i have trouble just sitting through those those long arty movies it was it was long enough just it's just enough that it's gonna really clean up at the oscars so nolan was instead of going for the box office money, he was going for the Oscar money. And you got to, you know, this is how Hollywood works. You got to do one or the other. You don't get to just, you don't dip your toes in all of it. I don't know, Barbie might win some Oscars.

They might, like. Ryan Gosling will probably win Best Actor. Oh, he's going to win Best Original Song to I'm Ken. Like, easy, easy money. All right. Well, Kevin, this is, of course, the biggest problem in the universe, which means I have a question for you. We'll see if you have an answer.

What is the biggest problem in the universe? Okay. Well, I think I made the mistake last time of making my problem two. I got too much into my head, too much my theoretical physicist thing. You're getting two in your head now. Yeah. I'm doing it again. I'm doing it again.

I wanted it to be a little bit more reasonable. Don't medicate him the show. Just go from your heart. I think the biggest problem in the universe right now is the thing that Jim Brozer and you mentioned working out. There's this new drug out called Melanotan. I don't know if you've heard it. But I think one of the side effects it has is that if you take too much, Melanotan 2 actually will literally turn you black.

And so I think the biggest problem in the universe is race-changing drugs. Wow. It's called Melanotan? Melanotan. Yeah, Melanotan 2. And it makes you black? And it makes you black if you take too much of it.

Hold on. This sounds like a solution more than a problem. I can think of a lot of ways. It solves some things. Like, it makes it easier to get that scholarship, but it also lowers your credit score.

It's complicated. You don't just get it for free. Yeah, you're going to have a little bit But it has a lot of... When you're pulled over by the cops, you're not going to have as good have a little he has a lot over by the cops you're not gonna have as good a time it has a lot of side effects like it doesn't you know because it's it's it's science messing with nature it does a lot of weird things like it it'll cause the back of your eyeballs to turn black and you can sometimes go blind that's not

uh oh my god and uh gym guys are taking this why yeah well because they don't want they want to go to the beach and look like they got a tan but they don't want to skip leg day right they have stuff to do they can't be out there it's like a tanning drug the tanning drug it permanently tans you yeah because it it's like it hijacks the system to tell your cells to start uh making pigment but but the problem is like it just tells all of them to do it it's basically like steroids for your blackness or something okay hold on real quick so can you spell the name of this drug uh oh god i suck at spelling uh hold on well the problem is if i look up meltonin it keeps looking for melatonin

yeah which is uh meltonin change skin color uh if anybody in the chat can find i want to see i want to see this it's m-e-l-a-n-o-t-a-n one more time a-n-o-t-a-n and the the newest one is melaton melanotan 2 melanotan beware the barbie drug yeah it's called the barbie drug so it's relevant to the barbie movie yeah it is relevant to the barbie movie well you're relevant to today probably ryan gosling took it before the filming you don't know i want to see if i can find any images i'm gonna uh i'm gonna put the wikipedia article in the uh in the chat for everybody so they can see it i'll just put that is this nasal tanning i'm so confused so people are also apparently using this to tan their noses they're using it for all sorts of stuff some people are trying to keep it safe

but other people are just full-blown say you know this is a whole identity thing we're like i identify as lebron i'm lebron now and they just this is where we we went with the identity politics we first it's like uh you know um your gender was fluid now just everything's fluid next your whole species is going to be fluid right after this you know love island generation oh hold on let me see the love island generation is taking melanotan too instead of going to the tanning bed and then coming out i guess looking kind of like this yeah well yeah i think that's the sort of healthier version but when people go if they you know if you go really deep with it you can end up as an african-american individual yeah wow why not just get in the tanning bed it seems like we have to

get skin bronzer we have simple solutions some of these guys really do just want to be black forever this guy says he's been injecting it for 10 years he didn't get too black though i don't even see a tan on this guy i guess results may vary is an important thing still some how your body reacts you know i'm guessing if you're already if you can healthily tan it probably over reacts more you know that's because it's not everybody changes yeah i can definitely see the tan here i wish i could find somebody who is what is this guy's face jesus christ well i think second you can fit a gumball in between your cheekbones you've done something wrong i can literally stick a gumball in there and it would just stay right

there i think this is part of this bigger thing where people just want you know they just want science to make some sort of thing that just magically changes them you know that's why i think it's the biggest problem it's not that particular drug but this whole this whole idea of just like i'm gonna inject something and then suddenly i i'm eight feet taller and i you know and look you know here i here i may i may have a video here let me see if this video is relevant this looks this claims to be a video of someone who has injected this melanotan okay so that used to be a white individual and then i think they're definitely getting a lot darker definitely that is a that

is a dramatic change i'm gonna say all right guys is this blackface kevin what do you think i think that's a great question this seems like blackface this seems like the ultimate blackface but you know but you almost get away with it because it's a medical condition who can tell you go look at that he went from white boy okay hey robert daddy juder did it he's about to win best supporting actor and i don't want to try this i kind of think maybe this is do you think i would do better as a black individual i think i would be good at it really i think the black community would be happy to call me one of their own i think i'd be a great let's see uh all right race changing drugs is the biggest problem in the universe dr kevin anything to plug anything

coming up just having fun i don't unfortunately i wish i did sorry at some point we gotta meet up uh we'll figure it out i know we've been talking I asked you I wanted your help with setting up a studio making a little streaming setup and Kevin's he's got a property we might convert to something but please follow me at KP Hickerson at Twitter which is now X

or whatever x.com slash KP Hickerson I'll put that in the chat thank you for coming by kevin dr kevin we love having you thanks you're a great addition oh so many great so many great past faces coming by tonight to join us on this historic night guys we're only one episode away from 100 episodes the biggest problem in the universe. Can you believe it? 100 episodes. We'll be doing that hopefully next week.

May have some special guests next week as well. We'll see. Another blast from the past, you may remember. He's been on the show. He hosted our first ever live show. Owner and proprietor of the world famous Wrigley's Comedy Chew. It's the great Stephen Torres!

Hey, what's up Vito? How you doing? Dick still cannot get over the fact that you vomited right before our show. For some reason, I go, hey, we should go talk to Stephen, get to see him back on the show. He's like, hey, remember when he vomited everywhere? And I'm like, yeah. Oh, God. Well, what can I say? I rallied.

You still had a big old cigar. Yeah, you were fine. Wasn't it a big old cigar they made you smoke? Yeah, yeah. Listen, hanging out with the, what do you, they're not called dickheads for your show. What do we call them? The problemers.

The problemites. Problem boys. The problemists. You still got dickheads, but then my guys are the veto files. I don't know what the community is known as. Well, it was definitely a dickhead who gave me the cigar and

totally guilted me into it. He saw me smoking a cigarette and he's like, no, no, no. You need a cigar. Quit being a pussy. I'm like, alright, I won't be a pussy. I've learned, because I've gone to these shows with Dick, and Dick heads come up to me every two seconds they go oh Vito I love the show I go oh thanks man they go you're so funny

I go great and they go here take this MDMA and I'm like I don't I don't feel like it's going to help me tonight I got to be on my game doing the show like no why couldn't they get the cool drugs you don't want it you don't want any of it. I got a fucking cigar.

No one came and handed me weed or MDMA. That might have been funner. No, but before I start, I have to ask you, can I smoke a cigarette? Yeah, you can smoke a cigarette, I think. All right, good. In the privacy of your own home. No, listen, man. Because my problem is a clean-l. No, listen, man. Because my problem is

clean lung supremacists, man. Clean lung supremacists? I'm sorry, sorry. Virgin lung supremacists. Oh, my. Everywhere I go, they get priority for fucking everything. I was at a restaurant yesterday, Vito,

in the fucking smoking section enjoying myself and out of nowhere this family decides to sit in the smoking section. And what happens? Oh, I'm not allowed to smoke there anymore. So they get... Unreasonable.

I think so. Did they say something to you? Oh yeah, they didn't want to serve me food anymore they're like sir you can't smoke out here now there's a there's a child there and i'm like but if i go to the other side of that fence with all the other second class citizens i could smoke huh i think i broke up for a second i'm saying because a child was there they were able to deprive you of your rights as a smoker as of my right to end my life sooner because the world isn't worth living in yes

well that's just not american i think so it's some communist shit i'll tell you how often do you find yourself in this scenario where where you're where people come down on you for your smoking all All the time. Have you ever tried to ride? When's the last time you were able to smoke in a hospital, Vito? Let me ask you that. It's a good point. I haven't been able to smoke in a hospital for a while.

Exactly. And I'll tell you, and that's another problem, because if cigarettes are as bad as for you as they say they are, then wouldn't the hospital be the best place to be when something happens because I'm smoking? But no, no, no. Fuck me. Kill me, I guess.

Well, it's just not fair these days. You know, the government's always trying to step in, trying to keep us down. Trying to ruin everything. And then they got rid of menthol cigarettes for my melatonin brothers, or whatever that drug is called. The melatonin brothers? What is it? Melatonite? That drug

that makes you black? Oh, melatonin. Yeah, that shit. You don't just turn black. They're probably going to want to start smoking menthols. And now they're going to be deprived of those. You know they got rid of menthol cigarettes, too. Yeah, we got to, you know what?

Taking away the menthol cigarettes, I don't know what that's about. That seems very, let's be clear. Anti-black. It's a little racist, a little anti-black. I agree. I agree. But, yeah, that was my problem, Vito. And tell Dick I'm not going to throw up in his fucking studio

if that ever comes up again. I think you'll be fine. Steven, you got anything to promote? Anything coming up? Unfortunately, I'm on the road right now working. My next show is going to be in September. It's the one I invited you on if you want to come down and say hi.

Just check us out. The Wrigley Comedy Show. Maybe we'll make something happen. Yeah, I'm just on... I promoted it mainly on Facebook because it's like a neighborhood show, but just look up Wrigley Comedy Show on Facebook and it'll pop up on there. And I have a

YouTube channel called Comedy Chew. Didn't want to put Wrigley in there. Didn't want to have to deal with the fucking lawyers. Yeah, but... The Comedy Chew. Didn't want to put Wrigley in there. Didn't want to have to deal with the fucking lawyers. Yeah. But Comedy Chew on YouTube. People go subscribe. And Vito, I had something else to add too.

Carl was talking about child sports and shit. He didn't mention the best part about child sports. Did you know that a 15-year-old soccer team beat the world champion female team? I did see that. So women can't even beat small children. It's an embarrassment.

Oh, yeah. It's a total embarrassment. It's a shame to watch. It's like the Simpsons episode of soccer, watching female soccer players. All right, Stephen. Well, we're breaking up for some reason, but I appreciate you coming by. Have fun, Stephen. Guys, subscribe're breaking up for some reason, but I appreciate you coming by. It's good to see you. Have fun, Steven.

Guys, subscribe to The Comedy Chew on YouTube. And you know what's great about this show? You know what really makes the biggest problem in the universe? Me. I'm the most important part. But you know what the second most important part is? Probably Dick. Then probably, I don't know, there's like a million other things but the

probably you know somewhere on that list is our great fans our our wonderful listeners who uh continue to make this show better than ever uh and right now in the chat is a link to a streamYard stream. If you click on that link, you jump in the StreamYard, you will be able to entertain us and regale us with your biggest problem in the universe. Here's how this is going to go.

Don't waste my time. That's about it. If you start wasting my time, I'm going to kick you. But we're going to bring in a great listener of the show, a big fan of the show. Sid Wen is here. How are you doing, buddy? How's it going? Where are you calling from?

South Shore, Massachusetts. Oh, a Massachusetts boy like myself. Yeah, yeah. Fantastic. Because I'll just jump right into it. The biggest problem in the universe is phony welfare queens phony welfare queens put it on the board you know these these people they uh you know they make people lose support for this system that's supposed to be uh you know

a net to catch people it incentivizes people to become dependent and it ultimately reduces their quality of life you know i got this friend he claims he can't walk but here's the thing everybody knows he can walk right and he gets mad whenever anyone says hey why don't you just go you know get a job you know he starts coming up with reasons oh he's got excuses oh yeah he's got these projects that he's working on he's got this tabletop role-playing game that he's trying to yeah it's ridiculous i mean i i'm sure everybody's got somebody like this in their life somebody who refuses to just go outside and walk and instead busies themselves with pointless nerd dumb topics and problems yeah i mean if you could give them a shout out just say you know crim go get a job

guys how is my audio i'm so confused hold on i want to hear my audio real quick i think i sound fine i don't know what anybody's complaining about uh well sidwen what do we do about is he on welfare this guy oh yeah total welfare queen oh well yeah you're just taking money from the state we can't have that yeah i don't know i mean there's uh it's hard to deal with because what are you going to do you're going to like barge into people's homes and like shove them off their computer chair and say you can walk well that's how you get them all right sid when phony welfare queens thanks for coming by and uh get the hell out of here kick from studio uh. Kevin, I'm also kicking you to make room for more people. Unfortunately, I can only have 10 people in the queue at a time.

I need to upgrade if I want more than 10 people. $50 a month for more people in the bed. I'm not paying $50 a month. I didn't even realize I was paying for this. I'm paying $25 a month for StreamYard. Fuck. That's a lot of money that I've been spending. I haven't been using this in months.

Oh, that sucks. My biggest problem in the universe is subscriptions you forgot about. Well, DTB is here. DTB, your audio is fucked. Fix it. That was DTB. Fix your microphone. Here's Robert.

My biggest problem in the universe are hypocrisy hollers right what yeah hypocrisy hollers these people who oh they're political opponents and they go you're being a hypocrite about free speech hypocrisy hollers oh so like guys who know about how free speech works yeah exactly but on the flip side the other problem are the people who you know get all flustered at being called hypocrites just be honest just say sorry my phone's

ringing give me one second yeah no my phone's ringing give me a second get the fuck out of here terrible problem jetbat figure dick is here what is up veto the biggest problem biggest problem in the universe ai safety weenies yes tell me about them all these guys are saying you got to be worried about ai they're gonna kill everybody it's gonna say racist things's going to make deep fakes.

Dude, whatever, man. Just give me an AI that I can use in the privacy of my own home to have racism for my personal use and pornography for my personal use. And then I'm good. I don't care. That's fine. I think that's what we want. Yeah, people need to get over it.

I just want a racist porn-generating AI that I can use in the privacy of my own home and then you safety weenies can go fuck off and do something else. That's all I need. I'm okay if the robots run everything as long as they give me a holodeck and a sex bot and a food generator.

I'm fine with it. They can have the planet. They can turn me into a battery. That's the one thing about the Matrix that doesn't make any sense. Well, I guess they said you can't have a perfect Matrix. they can have the planet they can turn me into a battery that's the one thing about the sense is uh a matrix well i guess they said you can't have a perfect matrix all you have to do is have a matrix where like at the end of the day you come home from work and a hot asian girlfriend jerks you off and nobody would have rejected the matrix that would have been like you're gonna have

to be kind of shitty but if you just gave them an asian jerk off girlfriend they'd be like well at least i still got yuki Suki. I got no problem with this. That's all they needed to do. But they didn't give them anything. They just trapped them in hell. Because the Wachowskis are sick. Because all they get off on

is pouring women into tight leather and imagining themselves wearing it. This is going off the rails. Jetbat, anything else? Send me my pins. Thanks, Peter. Jetbat is going to get his pins. I almost sent them today, and then I didn't. Tick, tick. Paddywhack is here. There we go.

There we go. Also, I'll get to the problem. I've got to defend Krim real quick. He's a crippled, disingenic, not the best looking, bedridden loser. That's why he doesn't have a job. That's why he's part of the welfare state. Oh, Graham is the one on welfare. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyhow,

continuing to the problem, people who speak urban. You get what I mean by urban? Urban speech is the biggest problem in the universe. But more specifically, when women, white women, white people, speak urban. White women. You want to be my urban, yo?

Like, ask. I don't think you're allowed to do that. I don't think you're allowed to paraphrase it. I think that's going to get us. I don't think it will. Fino, you can't say that because you've done something very akin to what I'm saying right now. I'm part black. I'm short.

I am too. You know, I'm 12.5% native. They're brown. Black people are brown. Boom, bada, bing. One in the city. I think if I got a 23 in me, it would say, you're the city. I think if I got a 23andMe, it would say, you're half black.

I think if I got a 23andMe, I'd get some casino money, but that's not the point here. People who say, when you see a pretty little white girl, blonde hair, blue eyes, going, she out like this, and dad, you just think, I gotta slap the shit out of you, little girl. You should not be talking like that. Her dad probably says,

you can't talk like that and all this. It's like, you should be slapped in the side of the head. I know you're listening to Little Dirk and the black girls at school are bullying you. But come on now. I saw the white girls always get in trouble as they start speaking urban. And then they think they got that N-word pass. A lot of white women get woken up by the by the N-word situation. And then Takesha at school grabs her by her pretty blonde hair and throws her into a locker.

And, you know, then you get we all do the white, you know, the white people stare where you look at each other and acknowledge black foolishness. You know, it's one of those kind of deals. But that's the. But I do see a lot of videos of white ladies getting beat up by black ladies. And I go, well, she learned a lesson today. You see them singing the rap music, and it's like, come on now. You shouldn't be doing that. You can't be singing along.

Taylor Swift is made for you, OK? Not Ice Spice, OK? That's the situation here. White women speaking urban. That's the problem for you. Lock it down. Thank you, Tic Tac Paddywhwhack and we're bringing in noah is here hello noah what's going on veto uh for the occasion my god yeah you like this it's like an ascot going yeah um i think the biggest problem in the universe is

like true crime girlies you know those like women who like they like listen to true crime stuff and that's fine like i think it's interesting too but then they like develop main character syndrome because of it so they're like oh man like i've been listening to this podcast and like it's like the same thing was happening to me in like the grocery store parking lot this guy was following me and they just have this brain worm from watching like true crime docs or whatever and i just can't stand it yeah uh how many of our problems tonight are gonna be white women women's soccer we got uh let's see well we had white women speaking urban i feel like a lot of our problems come down to now what would you call this problem again i gotta put it on the list

girlies true crime yeah and it's like they're like that and there's like a weird subsection who like are like actually like really into it in like a fucking weird way too and they don't want to admit it so they act like they like create scenarios in their head to like be involved in the situation it's like lady i do not think this is a situation you want to be involved in you're talking about someone like like, fucking dying here. And you're, like, fantasizing about it. Well, Noah, I have to tell you something. And you're not going to, like, want to hear it.

But you just got a big X. Because true crime hysterics appeared on bonus episode number two. You have failed. Get out of here, Noah. You fucking lose. Guys, you can't repeat a problem. It's the one rule. I wish I had a buzzer.

You failed. True Crime Hysterics bonus episode number two. A little too close. A little too close. Leaves is here. What's up, Vito? How you doing? What's up, baby?

How we doing? Hey, man. All right. Here's the biggest problem in the world all right it's false gratitude with a sub problem of asking family asking you to take care of their pets all right gratitude with take care of my pets kicker yeah all right my my aunt and uncle asked me to take care of their pets because they're going out to a musical they're going with their friend that they say that they haven't seen in like so long and it's their beloved friend all right the kicker is i went to a musical with them and this friend of theirs last month and they

spend they took like 10 minutes of my time just nagging my ear off about how much gratitude they you know how great of a service i'm doing for them taking care of their pets tomorrow yeah all right you just saw her you just saw her i love them but you know that that really kind of bugged me yesterday so they're really trying to affect you're saying they're really trying to make you feel, and you know they don't care that much. Yeah, I know that they're making up, they're trying to embellish how grateful they are to make me feel good about it. With that real gratitude, they'd still have a 50 in your pocket, right? Yeah, yeah. 50.

There you go. No work for no pay. Bullshit. Thank you, Leafs, for coming by. We got Eric Wong is here. Hey, Vito. What's going on? What's going on, buddy?

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I have another problem involving women. That's true. I mean, I'm not surprised. What do we got? What is? Eric, hold on. Let me ask you the question. We got to get a format going.

Eric, what is the biggest problem in the universe? The biggest problem in the universe is the wall. I just turned 33, so most of my friends are around the same age. And around that age, the mid-30s, the early 30s, is the time when women start getting really ugly. Yeah. Jesus Christ. I had a good-looking group of friends for a very long time.

We partied a bunch in my twenties. It was great. Everyone's squatting up looking great. And one by one, all of the women, most of the men too, all of the women got dumpy, fat, ugly. And now I don't want to be seen in public with any of these people anymore. They make me look bad. Are you dating any of these women? No, I'm married to a woman who is definitely affects me because I want to

look at attractive people. And when all of your friends turn ugly, it's hard to look at attractive people. Fair enough. Fair enough. The wall that women hit where they become unattractive. That's what we're going with. It's the worst. All the poor women in our audience, listen, these men are psychopaths.

Don't get old. Don't get ugly. You age gracefully. We find you all beautiful. All these guys don't have a chance with you anyway. Thank you, Eric. Here's where I do a little reminder. Super chat, the fucking show. What is this? I'm looking back at this chat, and there are, like, no fucking super chats.

Guys, is this a charity that I'm running? Am I just here to be a little monkey? If I'm a monkey, then I want the nickels. You go to the zoo, you throw a peanut at the monkey. Where are the Super Chats? We will do the Super Chats tonight. But come on. Get a couple bucks in the chat.

Let's do it. Jim is here. Jim. Hey, what's up, Vito? How are you? What is going on, buddy? What is the biggest problem in the universe? I'm kind of sick of the misogyny tonight, so I'm going to diversify our problem a little bit i'm talking about the non-binary binaries we'll draw the non-binaries yes my

biggest problem is a sect of a certain fan base that i think needs to be criticized it is the adult bluey fan base i don't know if you've heard of this veto oh yeah oh my okay so i know most of y'all grown adults have not watched the show i have little siblings and my girlfriend's family so i've seen the show a little bit it's like it's a kid show and you know there's some good kids it's a good show for kids it's not like a bad it's like yeah it's fine for kids it's like but it's like it's the show for five-year-olds it's a show for fucking five girls and there are good shows for kids you know avatar great story amazing characters you know there's like uh gravity falls wonderful writing it's fantastic it's hilarious i know and

then even something for more like little kids even like you know my little pony i get the appeal because like i mean let's be let's be fair they all just want to fuck the horses right yeah i mean right i mean there's like the rainbow i don't't fucking know. Anywho. Rainbow Dash. Yeah, Rainbow Dash. I don't fucking buy the blue. No, wait. The hot one's the one who speaks like a little fucking European princess. I don't. I've never watched it.

The one who's like, ooh, please fuck me, please. And you're like, yeah, all right. Let's do it. She's got a way of speaking. Pretty good. I guess she doesn't say that on the show. It's probably only in the porn she says that. Not even going to follow that up.

All right. Bluey fans, though. What the fuck is there? It's literally like Dora the Explorer. It's a show meant for kids. And I think, okay, the excuse I've always heard is it's like, oh, it's to help relate to the fact that I didn't have a childhood. I didn't have that growing up. And it's like, oh, it's for it's to help relate to the fact that I didn't have a childhood. I didn't have that growing up.

And it's like, no, here's what it is, because I know rich white people. I've lived with them my entire life. It's fan. It's living. It's wanting to live in that infantilization of your life. I don't know if this is like too stupid or not, but I actually found an article. I'm not going to read the whole thing. I just have a few like little parsecs.

I'm going to see if I can pull them. Would you want me to do that or is that stupid pull the names of what uh just there's an article i found and like there's just a few quotes like yeah sure i mean i agree with your hypothesis that i i keep seeing all these like and it's like 20 year olds and they go you don't understand i wasn't allowed to have a childhood because i grew up in an abusive household so this is my and i'm like you grew up in america like there's no way that your childhood was that bad i don't even think that's true for like five i think it's only true for like five percent of them you lived in a first world country with access to health you're a white person in a personal country with access to health care and education where i didn't even get to have a childhood so this is how i cope and you're like okay fine sure fucking it's fucking bullshit okay the main thing from the article i'll just say this about it just

because i'm running along um the one thing they said is it focuses on play that's the main theme of bluey and like are you fucking kidding Like, that's what you're getting. That's what makes me realize, okay, it's not about like, oh, abusive bullshit or whatever. It's about I want to be a little kid again because my life is hell and I live like in a depressive state constantly. Like, I don't know. I don't buy it for a second. I just think I'm not. Everybody has a fucked childhood, but then you grow up and like you become an adult.

Right. And for some reason like we've we're not doing that i mean i also argue in part of the problem see this is a good problem because i agree with you wholeheartedly part of the problem is it used to be like well you have to grow up because that's how you get like a job and you make money but now it's like no you can be a giant toddler i mean look at me come on what this? And make money that way. Like there is no longer an incentive to be an adult human being. And I think that's the problem. And then I'll say one little thing.

There's like also like they pretend that it tackles deep themes. Like the article said like, first of all, you know, advocating for yourself. What an adult theme. Learning to advocate. You grew up in fucking Massachusetts, whatever, like Amher right i don't know you're right yeah um i'm sure you that's all that you fucking talked about and then the other one was like infertility i haven't what the fuck how the fuck this is blue there's an infertility episode of dogs talk about infertility well i mean i guess you run out of topics after a while

so is your problem Bluey? Is that the problem? No, no, no. Bluey is a fine show for little kids. If you're a little kid, if you're a little five-year-old in the audience. Tell me, what is the biggest problem in the universe? One more time. It is adult Bluey fans. Best of luck losing your weight, man.

As someone who was originally 310 pounds, you fucking got it, man. I'm well on my way, I think. I hope. Cheers to you. I believe in you, man. You got it. We'll see. And we're going to use the Super Chats tonight to get me a big old pizza.

You know what? Let's actually read some Super Chats real quick to knock them through. Pop quiz for $19.99. Hello, pop quiz. Captain Boomies for 10 asks, why didn't Vito get to go on vacation? Because Dick is a rich man who, uh, is allowed, he just, just goes, just goes on fancy fun vacations, you know? And then, uh, I don't even know where I'm going with this. You know what? I got nothing to say. It's great. It's great. I'm

not mad at Dick for going on vacation and blowing off our show that's fine uh let's see here we also had a super chat come in from cara two dollars says let's go thank you cara fro uh moderator to the stars we had ase presents who was invited on the show but did not come but that's fine because he gave us ten dollars says some more charity says we noticed you are not on vacation tonight yeah guys let's be clear dick has all this money uh and can go on fun vacations i'm gonna die in a ditch if this stupid comic book thing doesn't work out so uh buy the comic get some super chats don't forget indiegogo you can still get it dumb username for five says i saw your video video with Nassim. The most shocking part is how thin you are.

I don't think I was that thin back then. I don't think I've gained that. I mean, I've gained some weight. Robert Cook for five. Cheapskate podcasters are the biggest problem. Those who don't want to pay for StreamYard. Man, it adds up. Yeah, I know that for ten. This is exclusively because you have good taste in

hot horses, he says. Apparently, I picked the good hot horse from the My Little Pony show. Oh, there's a bunch of super chats I missed. I'll have to do those later. So I know I've skipped ahead. I'll go back to the old ones in a second. D for 20. Here you go.

DSP would be proud of your e-begging. Thank you. That's why we're here. Busted Knuckle for 20. Biggest problem in thegging. Thank you. That's why we're here. Busted knuckle for 20. Biggest problem in the universe. Female employers. I don't take them seriously. You're not intimidating.

We're just not leaving the women alone tonight. And I have a hard time finding respect for the entitlement and uppity attitude. We all laugh behind your back. Jesus Christ. Shout out, Super Killer. Woot woot. Jet bad for five. I love the idea of Dick and 80s Girl bringing Vito along on a European vacation. It's a third

wheel the whole time. They could buy me a gift. They could come home and have a little gift for their favorite nephew. I think that would be fair. Let's talk to John. John, what is the biggest problem in the universe? I'll give you a choice, Vito. You can pick a real problem

or a dumb problem. You know I'm going to pick the dumb problemito. You can pick a real problem or a dumb problem. You know I'm going to pick the dumb problem, baby. Come on. Hit me with that dumbness. The biggest problem in the universe is recipes. You ever make a pasta? Vito? I've made a pasta. On the back, what's it say?

10 to 13 minutes boil and you're ready to go? It's never 10 to 13 minutes boil, and you're ready to go? It's never 10 to 13 minutes. They're going to 15, 15. It's never accurate. Hot pockets, same thing. I mean, it's a guesstimate. You got to finesse the recipe a little bit.

It's instructions. It has to be accurate. This is two millions of people trying to eat bucatini, and they're throwing you this loose figure. That's not right. There's things. Like, you know, if you boil pasta at a higher altitude, you've got to boil it longer. Okay, people like the Incas in Machu Picchu, they don't need to have accurate pasta figures.

Talk about Americans. This is pasta made for normal people. It's got to be accurate. And then outside of things like pasta, if you're trying to make an actual recipe like a prayer home companion or one of those websites you have to go through a full story to get there and then when you get there okay all right here's where you went wrong if you had said recipe websites i would have been right there with you but the instructions on how to cook food come on on! You gotta have a recipe or two.

What about a hot pot? You put that in for what? Two minutes? And you pull it out? You know I'm right. I have no idea. Anyway, John, you sound like you're underwater, but I accept your problem. Have fun, buddy. That was John, whose microphone sucks, but that's fine because we love him. Here is

this guy's got to have a good problem hold the truth hostage is here oh my brother vetoes what's up brother the truth is being held hostage i tell you man i'd say the biggest problem is man we've chosen social issues over space man think about Think about it, man. We're like in the year 2024, and me and you are not even confident that we'll ever see Mars. You know what I'm saying? Think about that, man. All this tech, and not once do me and you think that we're going to be going to space.

Just imagine if we go to space and we bring the the greatest sport ever tag you know we play tag in mars or something yeah you know what i'm saying but but i'm wondering like you know what if we land in mars and you know we end up on them aliens that say like get off my lawn you know i'm saying what's going on how are we going to deal with that situation? Well, it is obviously sad that the human race had such great ambition to make it into space and to become a space-faring civilization. And now it's all been set back because of pointless bickering and religious wars. And you're right. We're regressing as a society. But, you know, let me ask you, does that, you know, when you're right. It has become, we're regressing as a society. But, you know, let me ask you, does that, you know, when you bring that up,

does that make the boomers technically the greatest generation? Because they were focused on going to space, you know, races for technology, and we're, like, focused on, you know, I guess, you know, what gender is a dog or some shit like the problem with the boomers is they didn't plan ahead they they were just like everything will be fine forever and they got a little greedy you know and they're like and we can take a little off the top for ourselves i mean we're doing such a good job and it kind of got us into this state where everybody's so dissatisfied and miserable and fighting all the time and that you kind of look at those guys and goes why didn't you guys

you had all this time after world war ii we were the we were the richest nation on earth it was a time of incredible prosperity why did you not sit down and go okay let's structure a perfect society and then you're like let's go to let's go bomb korea let's go bomb vietnam and you're like, let's go bomb Korea. Let's go bomb Vietnam. And you're like, no, none of that matters. Figure something else out. Let's fight endlessly with the Soviet Union. So, dude, you're saying they had all the resources. They just didn't do nothing.

While we're trying to rebuild from nothing. Is that what you're saying? Well, America's big big plan was we gotta stop the spread of communism and i can understand their motivations in doing so but they kind of neglected everything else and at the end of the day they kind of botched the out of it like vietnam was a disaster uh all the puppet dictators we set up that didn't work out at all no we kind of just wasted a lot of time when we could have been establishing you know the golden shining city of god well dude i mean think about it man star trek a show from like the 50s is still more advanced than us in the year 2023 man it's it's sad man when we look at at it, it's like the future is very slow. But I want to say

one more thing is I don't want to waste your time like that. Be careful. I heard there's a lady named Altona is calling. No, not Altona. She's the most powerful. She calls her brother. I'm in big trouble. That's what I got to watch out for. All right.

Hold the truth hostage. Thank you, my friend. Thanks for coming by. What a great guest. If the extended ISOM cast comes for me, I'll be in big trouble. I've just realized I should have cleaned this. I'm so embarrassed that there's just a bunch of boxes and crap as my backdrop. But what are you going to do?

DTB is back with his fixed microphone. Yes. That's good, bud. That sounds much better. How's it going? DTB, what is the biggest problem in the universe? The biggest problem is vacation book readers. Vacation book readers.

Yeah, you book a flight. You go on the flight to Mexico or somewhere exotic. You take a cab all the way to your hotel. You get to the hotel, book yourself. Then you go to the pool. And then you just whip out a book to escape from the escape that you had. Just get in the pool, drink some all-inclusive tequila, and quit being a nerd.

The only acceptable time to read a book on vacation is when you're trapped on a plane or, like, you know, you got to wait for your cab or something. Yeah, man. But if it's, like, your time, don't be reading a book. Yeah, enjoy the beach, buddy. You don't want to just talk. Don't even read a book yeah enjoy the beach buddy you don't want to just don't even read a book on the plane either because the plane's got movies now and movies are better than books

don't be an idiot watch a movie yeah that's all i got bud all right man that's a good one thank you dtb book readers on vacation i wonder if dick's deep in any books on his tour de force vacation. We'll find out. Stevens is here. Hello, Dick Arvido. Hey, how's it going, buddy? The biggest problem in the universe is landscapers. Landscapers? Yes, landscapers.

Fascinating. As you know, a majority of them are rather short and of Spanish descent. I don't know why that's relevant, but go ahead. They have a lot of trouble of them are rather short and of Spanish descent. So they have... That's relevant, but go ahead. They have a lot of trouble seeing over the wheels of their big F-150s and shit. Sure.

They're short people. Of the back roads of western Connecticut, which I'm sure you know. And we like to drive fast as fuck here. And also, they're all fucking alcoholics and they come to the fucking liquor store that I deliver or where my pizza place is that I work at. And so they pull in with their big ass trucks and look with their trailers and shit in the tiny ass parking lot.

And it's just like, what the fuck? I got to be real. I feel like you're just tricking me into accepting the problem of Mexicans. It's landscapers in general landscapers more than anyone else yeah it is landscapers and they also the lazy really especially the lazy ones who just blow the grass into the fucking street and do nothing about it like what the fuck are you doing man sure okay thanks stevens i think he just wanted to complain about Mexicans. I don't think that was a landscaper problem.

Am I wrong? They're all very short. That's not a landscaper thing. They all come in and get it. All right, landscapers. Let's put it on the board. Jesus Christ. The Pokemon guy is here.

Hey, what's going on dad how you doing how goes uh you screwed up my stupid graphic at the end of the show i gotta fix that because of you well i mean that's part of the reason why i wanted to come in here today so my biggest problem is people who can't copy and paste oh okay so you know you know you call me you wanted me to call you father um i listened to your advice you know, you wanted me to call you father. I listened to your advice. You know, we bought a condo last year. We're trying to make adult investments here.

That's good. Good. You get some stocks? You got any stock? We got some stocks. We got a 401k going. My stocks are hot today. Oh, my God. I'm glad to hear it, man.

But, you know, I just want to come in and be like, you know, you try to support a man, you become a fan. You buy his $300 package so you can support his comic book. Make sure he has something to eat. You can afford it with all that Pokemon money. All that money you've stolen from children. Of course, of course, obviously. We want to pay it back to the community. Sure.

But yeah, you know, you just, you hope when you give somebody some money that they could spell your name right. And just copy and paste it in there. You're trying to understand the limitations. And then they just go and make fun of your name. It hurts. Well, first of all, just don't use this stupid fucking German E, this Nazi E. But it's the right way to do it. I don't care.

It's it's it's anti-Semitic. Take it out of your name. Second of all, I copy and paste it from the fucking spreadsheet, but because of the font I'm using, the font doesn't have that character, so it turns it into jibber-jabber. I have to go in and change it to

a regular E, which I normally do 9 out of 10 times. This time I didn't do it. And everybody, I keep getting messages going, I noticed the graphic at the end of the show and there's a minor error. Who cares? I don't care. It doesn't matter.

Leave me alone. I just want to say, man, I love your comedy and I love you. I just want to be able to support you. So, you know, if it's a software limitation, I get that. But can't we just change the software limitation? No, I can't change the font. I'll change your anti-Smitic anti-jewish name okay because i know what you're doing i know your dog whistle all you pokemon guys

you spell it that way i know what that dog whistle is and frankly i find it suspectable no okay all right i'll take it tell me you love israel no i don't love you all right that's what i thought get out of here get out of here pokemon guy you german nazi bastard uh real quick why don't i check in on some super chats which i had open in a window and have now minimized the window to make my life harder uh in the meantime why doesn't everyone say hello to these two stupid cats who are... Well, that's not going to work. I would have to change cameras to make that work.

I have two cats on my desk taking up all the space, driving me nuts. Guys, don't forget all the super chats you sent to the show. Do I got to give Dick half these super chats? I think Dick gets half this money to spend on his frivolous vacation oh veto oh i know we uh have an important podcast but i have to go dick around

and have fun will you toil away how many times have i missed the show i think once one time i went to a wedding why dedication dedication have I missed the show once or twice? Let me know in the comments. Koof for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. Thank you, Koof. Jay Thompson for two. Someone get Nick Fuentes to call in.

Come on by, Nick. Come say hi. Eck for five. Do a fat watch on Vito for missing weight again. I get an extra week to weigh in,. I just got to cut this week. We'll see what happens. Eric Wong for two. Biggest problem in absent. Co-hosts. I agree. Clap Trap to Destroyer for

Big Ten says, man, I love Vito and Carl from Who Are These Problems? That's pretty good. Riley for ten. I'm not calling in because I don't have any problems in my life. That's not true, Riley. You know what? You're killing it. Sure. Red red for five this is like lighting the bat signal and bat girl and aqualad show up fuck you huge ass for two review of the target stroker when veto it's a piece of

plastic you put your penis in that's what can i say it's fine it's like 15 bucks sometimes when i'm taking a bath i look at that thing and I go, eh, I could jerk off. I don't, you know, it's not a necessity, but I think it's a little bit, it is slightly more preferable than just using your hand. Especially if you're in the bathtub. And I put the, what do I put? I put a little lotion in there. Not too much.

If you use the wrong lotion though, it burns your dick. Just a a warning if you get the target stroke or nathan efrat for two dick masterson is a recession and a radio no idea what that means hold the truth hostage was here for five veto respect it doesn't sound straight to say this veto where is dick respect and Altona is calling her brother Isom for you. Bring super killer. Oh, my God. I better bring. I'm worried about Altona calling up Isom and see what happens. Let me see really quick.

Jihad Obad for five. Biggest problem are women who claim to be empaths but can't do a basic room weed read to see that nobody wants to hear them talk about it good problems guys good problems and you know who else has a good problem is jay sweat is here hey what's up you know what's up buddy what is the biggest problem in the universe uh the biggest problem in the universe is car repairs like i will sit there and i will watch a million tutorials on YouTube. Every time I get into the vehicle, something in the vehicle I'm working on is different than every video online. So what takes them five minutes ends up taking me an hour.

And then with my luck tonight, I tripped the anti-theft device in my radio and had to spend an hour figuring out the code to unlock it. Just a huge pain in the ass. I had one of those situations. Right now, my code is missing. The thing is, I don't use my radio. So I've just let it be like, enter the code. I've been ignoring it. Well, you know, I'm fixing my girlfriend's radio.

So unfortunately, ignoring it's not an option. Oh, does she use the radio? She a radio gal? Oh, yeah. Well, I tell you what. Not bad. Not a bad problem. Not as good as my problem, I think, was armchair mechanics.

Guys who tell you fixing your car is the easiest thing in the world. But a pretty good problem, J Sweat. I'm going to put car repairs on the list. Get out of here. Scraps says hi, everybody. Hi, Scraps. Scraps is here. Who else is here?

There's Mud, who's head. They're like a yin-yang type situation right now. Here's my biggest problem is having a giant desk that is completely taken over by your stupid cats, which forced me to buy this. I had to buy a, I had to buy a keyboard slider. So I have anywhere to put my keyboard because all day long these guys they hate the heat so they just lie on my stupid desk all day long i'm all out of q-tips oh no i do have some q-tips hold on a fan sent me these so occasionally i have a way to get rid of them uh occasionally i'm able to take care of the cats i I just go, meh, meh.

And then I go to mud and I go, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh. Uh, but otherwise, uh, it has been a mess. Uh, let me go back to my other camera here. What is my other camera? That one. A bunch of jerks, these guys. Taking up my whole desk. Making it impossible to broadcast, but we're going to soldier on.

Here's Drew. Oh, hey. How's it going? What's going on, buddy? Hey, Drew, what is the biggest problem in the universe? So I'd have to say cultural appropriation. Cultural appropriation? There's a caveat.

It's from Nazis. I think Nazis have stolen a lot of cool stuff. In my very far back ancestry, on the plains of the prairie, my ancestors used to make blankets with swastikas in it.

I can't just rep that with my 256 Native American blood. I cannot rep my ancestors' symbols. Also, you have to admit, the SS... You're Native American? 256th. One 256th. One 256th. That's your one-drop rule.

Yep. So I claim it. I don't get any casino revenue, though, so it kind of sucks. That's your one drop rule Yep, so I claim it I don't get any casino revenue though That's bullshit I think not getting casino money Is the bigger problem But go ahead Yeah, my tribe was not as awesome As some others

So they stole the swastika What else did they steal? The SS is from norse like norse mythology the norse runes the lightning bolts yes and those things are fucking awesome well could you imagine putting that on like now could you put that on a sword maybe that'd be kind of cool i'm not putting on a sword you can do whatever the fuck you want no i agree i know how to play the game obviously there's a huge amount of implications from using these symbols, but it's just because the Nazis culturally appropriated.

So here's the worst thing they ruined was black military uniforms. Just slick, black, crisp. Just a black uniform in general. Now you see a uniform, it's always brown, gray, tan. You're never going to see. You know what else they ruined? Colored armbands. Who doesn't love a nice little splash of color on the arm? I don't know.

I didn't look very good with Michael Jackson, so I don't know. Well, Michael Jackson can't make every look work, okay? He got the fedora, but yeah. The one glove? A little weird. I want her symbols back, but it's probably going to take another World War, unfortunately. Well, we'll see what we can do. You try and take it back.

I'm not fighting that fight, Drew. I'll pass. I like my job, too. With your Native American heritage, you can go nuts reclaiming the swastika. That's your fight. Not my fight. Bye, Drew. Drew's going to reclaim the swastika for his uh

native people god bless his heart somebody's saying that jim wants to call in i don't know if that's correct but uh he is welcome to call in and the stream link is available we have turkey sandwiches here hello how's it going veto hey what's going on buddy uh so the biggest problem in the universe is autocorrect uh boomers from like 10 years ago where they said it's going on buddy uh so the biggest problem in the universe is autocorrect uh boomers from like 10 years ago where they said it's going to make you dumber you're not going to know how to spell uh we're correct hmm so autocorrect boomers are the problem or autocorrect is the problem autocorrect itself is the problem because it's not it's not smart enough if you type a word that's technically a word it's not going to correct it.

Like people, they say the past tense of pay is P-A-Y-E-D. Because that's technically a word. But it's supposed to, like, they mean P-A-I-D. Or like I-T-S, I-T apostrophe S. For just as many times as I see, like, people use both incorrectly. I don't think people even know what apostrophes are anymore. I think, well, now that AI is going to get in there it's going to get way better it's going to be able to be like well this is clearly what he means it depends because i know like a lot of ai models are based on like you know reading what people

tell it and people are dumb now so i think the ai is just going to get dumber like the ai isn't going to know what apostrophe is you know we'll see i do hate when i'm trying to like use slang or like some creative swear word only i know and it's like no you meant to say this and i'm like ah come on stop stop around here for some reason every time i try to just type in hell my computer my phone keeps being like oh you mean he will with an apostrophe i'm like no what the hell i like the place where people burn forever in a lake of fire uh i gotta figure out what's wrong with my autocorrect it sucks i find that happens too if i type like i'm gonna kill it's it's like k-i-l-l i type it right and as soon as i type in myself it retroactively says i'm gonna jail myself like

it it just it won't let you say like yeah okay so here's the problem autocorrect there needs to be a toggle there needs to be a button that says are you a piece of shit and you know yes and he goes okay so when you type something that sounds like you're a big piece of shit asshole i'm not gonna touch it i'm like thank you that's what autocorrect. It needs a, I admit that I am a piece of shit who threatens people's lives and makes, and says horrible things about various races and nationalities and religions. And once you click that button, it'll stop fucking around. correct i just mean that like now my problem is that it's not smart enough like it needs to to know it needs context i don't think it's capable it's not smart enough to like have context of like w-h-o apostrophe s versus w-h-o-s-e like people always use the wrong one and like they're both words yeah all right that was boring thanks turkey sandwich sometimes. I just realized I wasn't paying attention anymore. We were getting a little in the weeds.

Sometimes an apostrophe does it. I don't. At that point, I'm bored. Vacation Book Reader is here. The biggest problem, Vito, is Internet Landlord Haters. Internet Landlord Haters. Yeah, almost exclusively. They live in apartments that cost like $10,000 a month Why don't they just save up for a down payment on a house

If they hate landlords so much And where do they think these houses are going to come from anyway? Yeah You think Bernie Sanders is just going to write a book And buy them all a house? Well, I'm very lucky that I have affordable rent Or at least semi-affordable I've thought

about putting a down payment on a house i just don't know if i want to live in i don't know what part of california i want to live in and also right now going to dick's house it's like 20 25 minutes away which is great because i'm lazy as shit if i move any farther i'm gonna i don't know that's why these people are disingenuous right they don't want to buy a house they don't know. That's why these people are disingenuous, right? They don't want to buy a house. They don't want to live in a house. They want to live in a trendy apartment, be able to move around. They don't want to be stuck anywhere, but all of a sudden, they just don't want other people

to be able to own houses and rent. I think people are upset at rent prices, and I think that's reasonable. I don't know if landlords are the ones responsible for that. It's kind of like, that's the market, man. A lot of people are trying to move into places. Why would you rent your apartment for less if you could get more?

Exactly. I get it. Biggest problem, online landlord haters. Internet landlord haters. Stop hating on those poor landlords. Leave them alone. Wet Bandit is here. Hey, what's up, Vito?

Thanks for not killing yourself. Well, don't get too ahead of yourself, but sure. We'll see how long I last. Wet Bandit, what is the biggest problem in the universe? The biggest problem in the universe? Not enough black comic book creators. That's the funniest shit on Twitter.

Vito, I just want you to know the only reason i have twitter is to follow you and dicks twitter accounts and follow all the beef that you guys start everyone listening to the show please go follow these guys that you get way more content by reading the fucking messages and arguments that you guys get into online it's the funniest shit ever you know uh it's really really interesting how there's certain guys in the ISOM. I mean, people are like, Vito, why do you keep talking about this comic book? And I'm like,

it's so much fun. We need more Eric Julys to make fun of. It's too funny. We need another Eric July. I want another one because it's not just Eric July. It's the fans man yes i have this one guy who comes at me every day and he's like veto is paying his artist nickels he's

gonna starve his artist but you don't know what i'm paying my artist he's like well you're not paying him as much as eric july is and eric july is the greatest businessman who ever lived and your comic you couldn't even sell your comic without having a porn he's really mad that i did that funny very funny very tasteful tentacle porn cover i was like oh that'll be funny that'll be a funny thing it's great and he's like oh you just are selling your book on shock value it's just shock value i'm like bitch we made a funny cover because it's funny he's like eric july would never do that eric july would never do anything funny or interesting or creative because that's wrong for some fucking reason i'm like all right i love these guys and i hope they go forever yeah they're idiots and i love them i love to hate on them they're idiots and i don't know if you saw this uh they got all excited

all right i'm gonna break some isom news here today let me see if i can find it on my feed uh we are now talking about guys the isom movie will it happen uh that's what we're talking about here today a little bit a little bit of uh exciting isom news and who's gonna make the isom movie it's gonna be uh angel studios the creators of sound of freedom the anti-trafficking movie may we're gonna they're gonna make all right so that's what we've been told um and there's actually there's actually guys on youtube who are reporting oh there's gonna be an isom movie it's definite right now here's the actual quote about this supposed i saw movie that people are trying to convince us is actually happening hold on we bring that up share my screen and uh god i hate twitter that's is this one yes this one okay okay here is tim pool talking with the owners of whatever i don't even

know what you would call it the guys who are running angel studios the ones who just made sound of freedom will we be getting an isom movie uh rip a verse eric july's coming yeah yeah why you guys you know make Somebody can connect us. Yeah. Make movies based off... I follow Eric on Twitter, but I don't... I haven't connected with him yet. Come on, Eric. Take one of his... I'm not super familiar with his comic book series

other than the massive success he's had with it. He has, yeah. Okay, so real quick, a couple things. One, people are reporting there's going to be an Eyesome movie. This guy just said, I have literally never talked toic july in my life so that's not a good sign second of all tim going why not make a rip averse movie and then immediately goes i haven't read it why do you people keep hyping this thing up read the fucking thing before you keep talking about how great it is familiar with

this comic book series other than the massive success before you keep talking about how great it is. I'm not familiar with this comic book series other than the massive success he's had with it. All they know is that it made money. None of them have fucking read it. It's infuriating that they go, obviously, you should spend $80 million, $100 million to make

a fucking movie out of this comic book that neither of us has read. That's the isomtope uh wet bandit what was your problem your problem is not following veto on twitter yes everyone go follow veto and dick don't follow me on twitter because that's how we lose subscribers to the show it never ends well uh but you can try it you can see if you like me thank you wet bandit we have lp dirty t is here but you can try it. You can see if you like me. Thank you, Wet Bandit. We have LP Dirty T is here.

Hey, Vito. How goes it? It's going pretty well, I think. I hope you can hear me because I'm at work, but I just wanted to call in. The biggest problem in the universe is surprise fat people body odor. You know, you see a fat person, you can hold your breath. It's like, get past

them. You're all right. When you go down a hall and it's like, what the hell is is that smell it's a fat person that must have walked through here it's i had a i had a we can't have society where somebody told me that another person told them it was like hearsay that i had bad bo one day and i think it was because i realized what it was we went to go see the uh suicide squad movie and we were stuck outside in the california heat for two hours in line and i guess i neglected to bring you know like an extra spray bottle of deodorant so that's the one time i smelled bad and i think i have a good excuse it's like you know i don't know if the guy here probably watches the show but it it's like, there's a guy here at work.

Great guy. But I said, God, it's like, you see, I mean, it's like, hold your breath. Speaker 1 1. Okay. Well, here's what I don't understand. Why do all men's bathrooms not have like a spray can of deodorant in them just for anybody to use? Women have a tampon dispenser.

Shouldn't there be, shouldn't there be a little like deodorant i can just spritz myself and come out must be a cost efficiency thing it'd probably be used up every day they're like we can't we can't keep up we can't keep stopping a little putting in a little thing i gotta put a nickel in it i gotta scan a credit card there you go that's my problem is uh lack i have to keep because i'm always i'm terrified at the idea of having bo so i keep deodorant in my car 24 7 every time i show up to dick's house i give a little spray because i'm worried yeah you know but it's like at least like you said you enjoy taking multiple baths and everything. At least you're trying to take care of it. I'm a bath hound.

All day long I'm showering. So great show. I appreciate that you did this. Thank you. I'm looking forward to the live show. Any new details on that? Here's the details is I go, Dick, how many seats do we need? And he goes, I don't know.

I'll figure it out. And I go, go well how about uh this venue and he goes oh no not that one because we can't drink enough there or something and i'm like he literally told me he's like go on this website and pick a venue and i'm like i know nothing about putting on a live show you have literally done this a dozen times already why don't you pick a venue that you think would be good because i have literally no idea and he keeps saying yeah i'm gonna do it and then he doesn't do it so everybody uh we're all gonna harass dick and tell him he's gonna figure out a venue he has like some credit remember uh remember

one of his live shows got canceled i i assume i could talk about this he has like some credit so he has like free money to pick a venue. He just had to pick one. Because he keeps putting it off, I'm sure venues are disappearing. I tried emailing a couple comedy clubs. None of them got back to me, so I don't know what that's about. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm out of state. I would definitely love to go see the show. It's only eight episodes away. That's like two months. We've got to get a venue. What the fuck? Instead, Dick goes on a magic fucking world vacation when he could be here planning the show.

I'm going to take a vacation. Why don't I take a vacation? Yeah. I never do. I never do. I might go to Vegas, but I don't know if I'll miss the show for that. If he can take a week off, you can take a week off i deserve it i deserve more than dick all right you take it easier right and toil all right we have antagonist here hello veto hello antagonist what is the biggest problem in the universe

biggest problem in the universe would probably have to be women don't think smoking is cool women don't think smoking is cool yeah so i've been in the dating world for a while not a single one has said sure i'll have a cigarette with you no no nothing so plenty smoke weed whatever but smoking cigarettes just just not cool enough well do you think like ladies used to think smoking was cool i think some ladies still think smoking is cool i don't know i think the i think the climate has changed in the past few years well what do they think of smoke they think smoking's get you just got to do it in a gay way all right because the women young women now think gay stuff is cool smoking's gay you just got to do it in a gay way all right because

women young women now think gay stuff is cool so if you're like trying to smoke a cigarette all manly like oh yeah you know they're gonna be like you know that's like toxic masculinity but if you have like a long cigarette holder and you're like oh oh oh i love the taste of nicotine oh they would be creaming in their jeans. That is what the young women want. That's what I'm going to put out there. That may be just enough. I think cigarette holders need to be brought back.

I like that. Guys, if you want to attract a woman, smoke a cigarette like a gay man would. Like a homosexual. They will be all over you. Thank you, antagonist. Riley Edwards is here. Hey, Riley. Riley Edwards.

Riley Edwards with no microphone. Good try, Riley. I'm going to kick you, rejoin if you want to rejoin. We have Izarinpup. Or Izarinpup. Hello. I is Aaron up. Yo, Vito.

What's up, buddy? Can you hear me? Yeah, turn off. If you're listening to the show, listen to your headphones instead or whatever. Okay, let me mute it. Whatever. If you can hear me me just talk to me oh yeah the uh the the biggest problem is uh you not understanding that disney's uh benefits and

ronisantis removing them is not anything against free speech it's just putting them back on it's just putting them back on a level playing field come on it's putting them back on a level playing field, Vito. Come on. It's putting them back on a level playing field. So Disney goes, hey, I have an opinion about the government, as is my legal American right. I have an opinion about a governmental policy. And the government, Ron DeSantis' Florida government, very specifically goes, hold on, hold on. You have an opinion that is negative towards the government. Time to start punishing you financially. Okay, give me 15 seconds to expand your analogy. That's me handing my niece a candy bar, which you should understand. And then her saying, you know what what i don't like you anymore uncle aaron

and i say you know what give me back that candy bar and then your opinion on that is well you're just trying to remove her right to have a candy bar no the candy bar was a privilege just as disney's uh situation was a privilege it wasn't anything that's removing their rights or free speech. Come on, Vito. I love you. I'm a big fan of yours. I actually, I defended you for about an hour and a half in the WATP Discord today, but then I saw what you

said on Twitter like 15 minutes ago. That's stupid, Vito. Come on. You don't have to defend me to the WATP Discord because it's full of pedophiles. So you shouldn't even talk to those pedophiles. Regardless, though, you are not the government. That analogy

does not work. If you were a governmental body whose job is to fairly regulate the state... And wouldn't a fair regulation be everyone playing by the same rules? Not necessarily, no. Fairness can be told out.

Oh, okay. So fair means unequal rules. The government can make business deals. Not every business deal is perfectly equal, okay? Sometimes you might give a company certain leeway because they're going to bring jobs and revenue to your state, okay? That's perfectly within reason, okay? I'm just fucking with you. The real biggest problem

in the universe is toilet roll placement in hotels. For guys like me, toilet roll placement, I'm about 250 pounds. Your knee hits the toilet roll. No, it's either behind you

to where you have to reach your arm all the way back like you're reaching for a uh like a relay thing in a race where they have to reach back for that pole or it's like right next tucked into your side to where there's really no space to roll it out that's the real biggest problem in the universe is cheap hotels with shitty toilet roll holder placements as always i'm going to relate this back to one of my famous problems, lack of bidets. If we had bidets in all buildings, there would be no problem. Everybody would have a perfect shitting experience.

You would never need – all you would need was a little square to wipe up a little bit of the remnants. But instead, we live in a bidet-less world because it is not fair. It is not a fair world. It is not a beautiful world in which we live. We live in hell, and the lack of bidets is clearly related to that. All right. Love you, Vito.

Appreciate the time. Love you. Let everyone in the AWA TV Discord know that they should leave those kids alone, okay? Yeah, and they should try that in a small town. Try that in a small town. All right. Boom. And they should try that in a small town. Small. Try that in a small town. All right. Boom. Roasted.

You know who else is going to try it in a small town? Giant enemy crab. What's up? Vito Giswaldi. What's up? All right, man. Well, my original biggest problem in the universe was lying about Nick Fuentes putting your fucking logo, putting the Rumble logo on the top right corner.

Right. Just like they do for Power Slap and all the other things So it looks like it's from Rumble But hey, I'll let you go, man It was from Rumble Yeah, it was from Rumble But they put the same logo concept Like when they're doing fucking Power Slap and shit That they sponsored

I don't know that Whatever, man You didn't remove the background so we could tell, hey, this is a Vito Giswalti production. It's all good. The actual biggest problem in the universe, I'm going to tell you this right now, it's those fucking charity 5K fun runs. You know what I'm talking about?

Charity 5K fun run. Oh, yeah. I run those all the time. They're fucking retarded, man. There's no other way to describe it than just fucking Down Syndrome. First off, you're paying like $30 and they have to block an entire city street all right so like that's already taken like fucking thousands of dollars so like your 30 donations like fucking i don't know it's like at 20 now then you get a free t-shirt at the end that's another 10 then you get the fucking bib that's another fucking five dollars now i'm pretty fucking shitty at math but you're like fucking you're like 30 donation is like five dollars towards

cancer which they're not gonna cure okay now and you have to fucking run unless biden really gets on it he's very passionate he he already cured it oh well you already cured it and then they uncured it sadly but i i mean it's just down syndrome bro just fucking sell cookies or some shit like 5k fun runs are retarded and also they get in the way when i fucking try to get to work so biggest problem in the universe whenever they close off the streets and you're like oh man one time there was a parade and we accidentally me and my dad were in the car and we ran into a parade and then we were just like stuck there because like we couldn't turn around and then

my dad was like all right i think this like parade is like kind of slowing a little bit. And so he like turned into the parade. And I'm like, and immediately, like literally we had like eight cops running up to the car. Like, sir, sir, sir. And my dad just fucking booked it. And I'm like, bro, did we just run away from the cops? He's like, do not tell your mom that we ran away from the cops, okay? Just don't worry

about it. So yeah, turn it off the fucking street for some stupid marathon or parade or nonsense. It's bullshit. For cancer. For like cancer. Cancer. Like your like six dollars that you're turning in is going to like help like fucking, oh,

there's no more colon cancer anymore. We got your fucking $7. Why does your 5K have to be in the streets? Why don't you just go do it in a mountain where nobody has to deal with your shit? Because then women wouldn't show up. Exactly. That's the whole thing. This is all a huge grift to get fucking women to run.

Why is every problem anti-woman tonight? Come on, you misogynists! We love women here on the biggest problem the universe guys uh tell you what we've been going for an hour and a half uh let's read some super chats and i will debate let's put it this way if i get another hundred dollars in super chats we'll take a couple more collars Otherwise we might cut it Okay, so where am I in the super chats? Jetbat for five, send the pins, you fat F slur

Yes Yeah to that for ten This is exclusively, okay, that was the horse one Yes Jehado bot, yes Riley says, you did great hosting tonight Spend some money on your favorite foods to reward yourself This week doesn't count, right?

You guys trying to throw me off my exciting diet? I actually have to take that stupid peptides, and I have to mix it with water to inject it, and I got to do math to figure out how much to put in the bottle. And I'm going to get it wrong, and I'm going to end up killing myself by accident. Legacy for 10. Bluey's just a kid's show. That's also pretty good. No armchair psychology needed.

Some people seem obsessed with it. Busted Knuckle for 20. Female employers. I don't take them seriously. We did that one. Jetbat. We did that one. Queen Maeve for five. Here's $5 since Dick went on vacation and didn't invite you and made you do the show by yourself. Yeah, you know what? It is bullshit. Look at how much work I put in. And then I ask Dick, I go, well, what'd you think of the Collins show? And he goes, I don't listen to those. I don't listen to the Collins show. I don't respect the amount of work

you put in, Vito. Oh, thanks, Dick. Thanks. Also sell your action figures to get more pizza. Maybe I should. On the John for 10. Vito, you just said the other day you've got 40K worth of games and toys. Sell a couple figurines and enjoy a vacation every once in a while. Selling that stuff is going to take forever. My sister sent me a message. She wants to take a vacation to Japan, but I have to figure out when I could actually go. Jazz fan for five.

Biggest problem in the universe. Silver bullets. When you have a complex problem in life, it's some dum-dum. Says just lift, watch One Piece, or travel etc i love you veto love you jazz fan ryan dunn for two beef airlines guys if you put the word beef i like it's a pretty surefire giveaway but it says beef airlines oh did i already screw it up did i say? I don't know if I screwed it up. You guys in the chat are going to have to tell me. Did I screw it up or not? I think I screwed it up. I think I might have earned.

I see it, but I said it anyway. Did I say two beef into airlines? Fuck. It's the best airline to go to Greece, he says. I don't know if they got me or not. We'd have to rewind the show uh Rick for $1.49 has a picture of a peach cool for two wanted to call in but can't thank you for the show thank you for not killing yourselves Tommy Salami for two says TBF

say it you dancing monkey I think I might have just did it yeah I guess they got me I think they got me well uh jokes on you guys dick ain't here so there ain't nothing you can do about it dick sucks cocks how's that how's that uh let's see psi chris for two says get tim rogers on the show tim rogers of course has an invitation hopefully he comes to la at some point and if he does i'm gonna try and force him to be on the show. He's a busy guy, man. He's hard to get in touch with these days. Samuel August for 10. Vito, don't show your cats. Wouldn't want to be

unfairly banned for showing corn. Leaves. Turkey Sandwich for 2. Thank you. Fuck you, Vito. Live show in Phoenix. Not coming to that sweltering hellhole. Turkey Sandwich for 2. Says the same thing. Gotcha. Andrew Amy

for a big $100. Says $100 for episode 100. Well, that's what we like to... Thank you, Andrew. Wow. I don't have any buttons I can press to celebrate, but thank you to all the fans. You guys made this show possible. Thank you so much.

Warren for five. five biggest problem is i used to be a fan of you until cry babies i get those all day long i posted a review of barbie that says i like barbie and people lost their fucking minds and said wow you used to be cool man you fell off you enjoyed barbie what's wrong with you i'm like i don't know man i'm not a fucking grifter who thinks every movie is a political signal for my Illuminati handlers that if I don't tell people how woke it is, society is going to collapse. All you fucking people are taking the Barbie movie way too seriously. It was a great movie.

Cara Fro for 10. We love Cara Fro, moderator of the stars. Riley, if you're here, what is the biggest problem in the universe? We love Cara Froh, moderator of the stars. Riley, if you're here, what is the biggest problem in the universe? Biggest problem in the universe is your inability to figure out how a microphone works. One last try from your man, Martin. Martin, you failed.

Guys, it's the biggest problem in the universe. Live call-in show number three. What an incredible show we've had here tonight. We've learned so much about ourselves and the people around us. We've learned so much. We've had so many great problems tonight. Let me really quickly. Women's soccer, race-changing drugs, virgin lung supremacists,

phony welfare queens, hypocrisy hollers, AI safety weenies, white women speaking urban, true crime girlies, fake gratitude, the wall, non-binaries, adult bluey fans, recipes, social issues over space, vacation book readers, landscapers, aka Mexicans, people who can't copy paste, car repairs, cultural appropriation, autocorrect, internet landlord haters not following Vito on Twitter, surprise fat body odor, women who don't think smoking is cool Vito not understanding Disney's stupid tech situation toilet roll

placement and charity 5k fun runs I love juice what is the biggest problem in the universe it's anime soliloquies you fucking failed at that closing out the show you think I want to talk about anime at the zero hour you fucking retard it's a it's an anime problem let's talk about anime is that all you got get the fuck out of here guys uh it's my show i get to do a plug thank god i gotta remind

everybody we have been streaming games over on my main channel. If you guys have not yet subscribed to YouTube.com slash Vito, I got to be honest. The algorithm is fucking me. However YouTube has things set up, it's just a complete kick in my dick. They don't give me – my subscribers don't find my videos. The subscribers who are there, look, just subscribe, and then you hit this little bell and hit all.

Okay. And then you'll actually get notifications. We got tons of videos going up every day. Watch my Barbie review, which should have way more than 12,000 views. It's a cock sucking disaster that I can't get any views. All these guys get to go. Barbie is a woke disaster and they get 200,000 views. I put out a heartfelt review

going through the plot beat by beat, and I get fucked. You can also learn about Andrew Tate's new comic book. Every Wednesday, we're streaming games on that same channel. You can watch me play Zelda. Kara's over there moderating.

She's great. Don't forget, also, you can head on over to indiegogo.com uh you still have the ability to get a copy of super killer while it is an on-demand at some point it will no longer be in on-demand and once it exits on demand you will not be able to get it anymore so go check out super killer on indiegogo uh we are up to 75 000 which excitingly means we've actually unlocked a number of these trading cards i've been talking to china we're gonna get them all printed uh real quick i'll show you look at these trading cards that we just added we got you get a furry super killer you get a super killer

from the famous yellow swag studios if you guys know that guy i love him and a super killer uh who drew that one uh this fat this fat sack of shit actually sat down and drew a little something uh real quick i'll check one more time see if i missed any more super chats but ultimately i want to thank you guys next week biggest problem in the universe 100th episode big special guest Big prizes You're not going to want to miss it There's no prizes but you know what I mean You're not going to want to miss the 100th episode

So please Make sure To come on by Also subscribe to Riley People in the chat are saying 100th episode coming up Live show coming up Alright real quick. Is this

actually a woman? Mizuno? Hello? I'm on? Yeah. Yeah. Biggest problem in the universe. Roommates. Up all night. Alright, I thought it was going to be a hot Asian chick, and it was not, so I don't want any of that.

Thanks for watching guys. Biggest problem in the universe. 100th episode next week. Live show coming soon. Stay tuned. Be good. Riley for 10. Plug my channel.

Guys, subscribe to ASE Presents on YouTube. He's got some great stuff with Eric July, if you like all that. And we will be back next week. Thanks everybody who came by. Thanks to Dr. Kevin. Thanks to Carl from Who Are These Podcasts. Thanks to the great Steven Torres. We love you all. Take care of yourselves and goodbye.