The Biggest Problem in the Universe - CALL-IN SPECTACULAR #4

Episode Date: May 2, 2025

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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, but it's not like a common problem, you know. It's very common. That's hurting me! I do not deserve to be hurt! So they're supporting our journey, Dick! Isn't that great? Yeah, it's great. Thank you, shit.
Starting point is 00:00:12 I don't wanna hear it, but it's tough. And welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! Let's do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this.
Starting point is 00:00:36 I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do this. Ladies and gentlemen from beautiful Los Angeles, California, it's the biggest problem in the universe! Featuring your host Vito Giswoldi, not featuring the dastardly Dick Mastradson who will not be here tonight. It's Vito's show! And he has no way to see if it's working. I think it's working I think it's working there it goes where is the chat room
Starting point is 00:01:30 who's excited who's excited Cut it. All right. Look, here's the deal. This is a serious matter and it already sounds like I'm making a joke. So I'm not going to make a joke. Dick is out. Dick is having a health issue. Uh, if you would like details on Dick's health issue, he's not dying.
Starting point is 00:02:02 He's not going to die, but, uh, it is a's health issue. He's not dying. He's not going to die. But it is a serious health issue. If you're a religious individual and you would like to pray for his recovery, that would be again, he's not going to die. But he is experiencing some pains and some sickness and it's potentially serious and he's getting it figured out. So great way to start start off a comedy show. Maybe I should save that for the end. What are you gonna do? He's not dying. He's not dead. Everything's fine. Here, let's bring back the happy. Let's bring back the he's not gonna die. Well, everybody dies but he's not gonna die right away. He'll probably be okay. Who
Starting point is 00:02:42 knows what's going on? Okay, so we're gonna do everybody's favorite show. Well, actually, this is everybody's least favorite show. This is the biggest problem call in spectacular. This is where you, the audience, who we all love, get to an RIP show, says Ash. That is correct. I mean, I'll Get to our IP show says Ash. That is correct. I Mean I'll all We'll see. This is one of those things where let's hope he gets better because it could impact
Starting point is 00:03:14 The the show Claude San Davis says I already regret tuning in and I agree Vito, why did you cut out 45 minutes from the most recent episode? Well, it turns out when I get a message from one of you psychopaths going, I'm going to get your Patreon shut down and your YouTube channel deleted. I talked to Dick and he said, you know what? Rather than chance it, why don't we just keep the episode on the website? We can probably upload. I have the video episode.
Starting point is 00:03:39 I'm sure we can upload it to the website. We just said, why leave it on YouTube? What value does it have to potentially get our channels deleted by angry people? So that's what it is. Oh yes. All the boxes in the back have super killer comics. So here's how this works. It's how this works.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Uh, link is in the chat. I think I don't even know how many people I get to have in the back end. If you can't get into the back end, you can keep trying. And I will drag people in from the back end to say, hi, it's a first come, first car, uh, first come, first served system. Whoever jump jumps in the chat can be a part of the magic. And tonight's theme is you, the viewer. What do you believe is the biggest problem in the universe?
Starting point is 00:04:30 That's the question. Big stiff. He says, Vito, I bought your plushy tonight. Uh, I'm actually running it. I thought no one would buy these things and I'm already about to be out. If you would like a veto plushy, they're available at killdozer.industries. And here is a somebody who you got to change your name. I can't put you on the show with that name.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Later, we're going to edit your name to Mint Salad Enjoyer. Previously, it had a different adjective. Hello. How's it going? Hey, Vito. How are you? How you doing, man? Who am I talking to? Well, I'm talking to the Mint Salad? Hey, Vito. about the colors? Well, I just got colors back from the colorist. Uh we had to change
Starting point is 00:05:29 some things because we moved some art around. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about Super Killer. Why do I ever talk about it? Why do I ever talk about it? Let's talk about it. Let's not talk about that either. I got I got yelled at
Starting point is 00:05:40 by a lot of people for some reason. I don't know. I got a lot of I got a lot of messages from people behind the scenes and they said Vito, you know, there's a certain line you can't cross and I went it's a
Starting point is 00:05:57 matter of opinion but I accept I'll I'll I'll entertain your opinion. Let's put it that way. I mean, what's Riley going to do? He's like five two. That's very true. I, it's true. It's not, it's not a, you know what? Every time we re-litigate this, you're right. I'm very excited to see everybody at Hackamania.
Starting point is 00:06:13 And I want to, and of course everybody is invited to pull up to Hackamania, which we still have tickets available, please go to hackamania.com, use promo code biggest. I will be there Thursday through Sunday hanging out. And also there will be a live stream pass you can get if you want to watch it from home, you can get the live stream pass. I think you'd also use the promo code to get a discount on that. I just want to.
Starting point is 00:06:44 All right. Well that was This was a mistake. This was a mistake. Okay. Well, thank you so much. Uh Cat Drape Vito is here. How's it going Cat Drape Vito? I'm gonna **** you then. idea I've had let's go on to Organic pixel. Hey, how's it going man? Vito? What's up, dude? Everything's great. My co-host is gonna die. He's not gonna die, but it is it is a bad situation Do you think you think you might die first or do you think he would go first?
Starting point is 00:07:22 We had to put a poll on it right now if we had to to put money on it, who would you think would go first? You or Dick right now? Well, Dick's like half Hispanic. Don't Hispanics typically have less of a don't Hispanics die quicker? That's usually because they're eating like fucking beans and cheese all day. And he doesn't he doesn't eat like a Mexican. You know, that's true. OK, yeah, he eats like, yeah't eat like a Mexican you know. That's true. Okay yeah he eats like yeah he eats like you know what I guess you know. He eats like a white guy. When I go over to his house he's eating like a white person
Starting point is 00:07:54 and he's got the wife and she's cooking him white food so he might be fine. Not like an Italian person right? Italians wouldn't be white right? No we're not we are the black people of we're right next to black people, the Italians. All right. Well, listen, I got a problem, but, uh, yeah. So what is the biggest problem in the universe? That's the show. My biggest problem is that I don't know why I don't know, you know, not knowing why you got blocked. Like I feel like, I feel like if, if you got blocked by through any way,
Starting point is 00:08:24 I feel like it'd be nice to know what would be the straw that broke Beato's back. I'm curious, you know, like I'm just I was like I totally fine being blocked There's no problem, but I just want to know like I wish I wish you would get like a reason why Well, they don't get yeah, it would be cool because on like discord They actually let you say like when you well when you ban somebody from a server or whatever time them out you can go reason for timeout and you can tell them but you're right with a block you don't know exactly what you did and it kind of does leave you hanging. I know yeah I just want to and I want to know right now Vito why was I blocked from your
Starting point is 00:08:57 Twitter. Well 90 percent of the time like today was said, I had a tweet that said there should be a test for, uh, we just need more tests in this country, like for doctors, for cops, for whatever. There should just be tests. And if you pass the test, then you're allowed to be a cop. Then you're allowed to be a teacher, whatever else. And I got about 12 comments going, there should be a test for running a crowd funder for comic books. Why isn't there a test for that? And I went. When I get the same joke like 12 times and all those guys, I just picture those
Starting point is 00:09:39 guys strutting around going, God, I'm so clever. I really nailed Vito with that one. I'm like, no, I get that message every day from all of you. It's becoming sufferable. Okay. Yeah. I you might have done that and if I blocked you for that, just send me a message and say unblock me
Starting point is 00:09:55 as I always say. I can't send you a message. Are you blocking me on Twitter? How can I send you a message? You have to say I am now. You blocked me. I do not listen to the show. I have said on every episode of the show, we have a biggest problem Twitter and half the DMs on
Starting point is 00:10:05 there are, oh, you know, can you unblock me, man? I really do like seeing your tweets, dude. And I just unblock you. So send me that game message and you will be unblocked. Okay. All right. But all right. But here we go. I do want to know why I was unblocked. If I had no idea why I blocked you. I don't pay attention to these. And that's and that's why it's the blocked you. I don't pay attention to these things. And that's why it's the biggest problem, because I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:27 It's the biggest problem, and I don't know either. Trust me, you remember that guy, like two episodes ago I talked about, sent me, let me see if I can find this email. He had to look up multiple emails of mine in order to... That's his home address, right? I do want to dox him, I do want to dox him.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Although he did apologize, so maybe I shouldn't shame him. He said, you know, I had a bad day or whatever. Whatever. I can't. I'm not going to find it right now, because it's in a different email address. But I got like 10 messages on 10 different things. You know, I've been a longtime supporter, Vito.
Starting point is 00:10:55 I've always been in your corner, blah, blah. And I'm like, well, what did you tweet? He said, I called you a fat piece of shit faggot pig. And I don't understand. I'm like, well, that's why you get blocked. What do you want me to do? I can't know which guy calling me a fat pig is really my best friend and which one sucks but uh I love you all and uh thank you and organic pixel if are you still blocked on twitter you know what keep me blocked bye okay bye I love you buddy. Uh, we got fart man coming in. Hi fart man.
Starting point is 00:11:31 How's it going? Can you hear me? Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me? Uh, yes, unfortunately. Okay. Okay. The biggest problem in the universe is people who don't wear socks. Well, I'm wearing socks right now so Okay, guys you guys want Here's the thing people who don't wear socks everyone around them at all times thinks that they are disgusting little gremlin people So you gotta be honest. Can I be honest about something? Yes, please. So you remember when I said on the show that I don't wear socks That was a lie that was a that a, that was a blatant lie, uh, based on the fact that I didn't want to admit that I didn't have any clean socks because I hadn't done laundry
Starting point is 00:12:16 in a while, so I, for some reason said, well, I just don't wear, I mean, sometimes I won't wear socks. That is true. And I will walk around my neighborhood barefoot, but typically there are, there are many occasions where I enjoy wearing socks. So that was, you know, a bit of, a bit of a comedy exaggeration. I'm going to say, I'm going to wear socks. Thank you, fart man.
Starting point is 00:12:41 What an exciting show we got here. Uh, let's see, we have, but does nobody have a camera? You guys want to put a got here. Let's see. We have but does nobody have a camera? You guys want to put a camera on? Let's take a look. But hello. It's got no microphone either. Oh, there he is. But how's it going? What's going on? Hey, you're a wow. You're a good looking gentleman. But what what how would you describe yourself to people? What race are you?
Starting point is 00:13:12 I get confused a lot. Yeah. Yeah. You have like a very ethnic look to you. Yeah, especially our girls. They like me. That's awesome. I was going to say, well, because I'm excited to see someone who isn't a white guy because I recently got a message from someone going, you know, Vito, it's been hard listening to
Starting point is 00:13:39 the show lately. I feel like you guys are becoming more and more racist. And I think I agree. And I said, well, it has been, there has been a lot of that going on, but it's hard to not, everybody's talking about race stuff. A white lady called a little black kid the N word, she got like half a million dollars for it. So now you're like, well, I kind of want to get in
Starting point is 00:14:02 on that action. How do I get that money? So I don't know what's going on it's a little bit let me see if I can bump your mic a little bit here just seem a little low all right there you go anyway but what is the biggest problem in the universe? I guess right now we're dealing with this weather. I'm in Houston. Yeah. Is this your house? Yeah. You got a nice house there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you pay for that house? Gang money?
Starting point is 00:14:48 You've been selling drugs? And you decided to go outside where the Wi-Fi is? No, no, no. So you can destroy, okay, good work, but you really fucked that up. Clay, hold on, maybe he's back. But you there? Why did you stay where the Wi-Fi is, you fucking moron?
Starting point is 00:15:04 What are you doing? I got two routers. Oh you got two routers? Well you lost connection for a second there. What's going on? Well bud I want to thank you for showing us your gorgeous house man. It's always nice to know that some uh, some of the biggest problem listeners actually are living their best lives. Clearly you're one of them.
Starting point is 00:15:32 All right. I'll talk to you later. That was a, but he had a lot to say. Let's talk to big man. 69. Hey, can you hear me? Yes. Hello, sir.
Starting point is 00:15:44 How's it going? Good. A fellow a white. Let's be real. This is my fat man. We got the no hair. We got the shitty beard. This is my brother in arms right here. What's going on, man? So I got more of a question for you than a well, it's kind of a problem. Okay. So, we've established I'm a big fat man. Yeah. And I need to know... I'm bigger than you, I think.
Starting point is 00:16:14 How much do you weigh? I'm at 280. No, I weigh more than you. I'm 310. Yeah, but how tall are you? Six foot. How do you three... you don't look three, oh, you know what fat guys are terrible at, I have the fat man.
Starting point is 00:16:28 It's my gut, it's my gut. I'm terrible at gauging the fatness of other fat men. I can never tell. I always think every fat guy looks skinnier than me. Yeah. I really do. I got the question. I'm in the process of trying to lose weight. Big struggle.
Starting point is 00:16:45 Yeah. Right? Should I try to find a woman before I get fitter? No. What do you want? No, no, no. The only reason to lose weight is to trap a woman. That's like 90% of it. 10% health, 90% the trap. Is that you meet a girl, she goes, this guy's not, you know, he's like an okay looking guy. And then when she's locked in and emotionally dependent on you and your money, that's when you get to do whatever you want. You know, that makes sense.
Starting point is 00:17:19 That makes a lot of sense. You got a lot. Yeah, cuz you got cuz you gotta like get him. You gotta get him in. You gotta be the peacock. You think the peacock's feathers are always at full plumage? No. Once he locks her in and he does his peacock rape, he doesn't keep up appearances around the peacock fucking house.
Starting point is 00:17:36 He just goes back to being a normal peacock. So yeah, right now you got to get you got to get slim. Then you just grab one of these ladies, you lock them down, hopefully victimize them to the point where they don't consider divorcing you and taking half your stuff. You really gotta emotionally damage these women, because otherwise they start thinking they have rights and could get away from you. You gotta take that away from them.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Kids are a good way to lock that in, because you go, oh, what, you're gonna fuck up our kids now? Think about that. And then you can go to be a big fat to lock that in. You know, because you go, oh, what, you're going to fuck up our kids now? Think about that. And then you can go to be a big fat guy and whatever else. I mean, she still will after, no matter what, after 20 years, she will divorce you and take half your stuff. But, you know, if you play it right, you can get most of the benefits out of it. Well, I do. I live in the middle of nowhere, so I can kind of, like, you know, I can make them... Lock her in a cage, and then you don't worry about anything.
Starting point is 00:18:25 Yeah, just like put them in. I can put a cage out of the cellar, build a cellar. There's a movie called The Lovely Bones, which is a great manual for how to trap a woman in a cellar. I have to I'm going to look into that boxing Helena. That's where he actually cuts off her arms and legs and puts her in a suitcase. Look at that one. Okay. That sounds like a good plan. Cool. Thanks big man. Thanks man. Don't don't box Helena. That's terrible. Uh let's see here. Super killer customers here looking swole. Oh thank you. You got too much hair to be reading super killer. All the super killer customers here
Starting point is 00:19:05 looking swell. Oh, thank you. You got too much hair to be reading super killer. All the super killer customers are supposed to be a freak shows, man. What is this? I'm totally lying. I didn't buy it and I'm definitely not. Alright, fair
Starting point is 00:19:16 enough. Fair enough. Just wanted to get picked. Well, my my friend. Well, I'm just going in order. Look, everybody wants to get in, can get in but I want to you, what is the biggest problem in the universe? That's what we're here to discuss. I would have to say the biggest problem in the universe without a doubt is mint salads, autistic tight little.
Starting point is 00:19:35 All right. I've made a horrible mistake. Uh's just keep rolling through. Here's our good friend. Wait, didn't we do butt already? Butt, were you already in here? I think I forgot to kick him. Let's let's try. OK, well, that was is that a cat? What the fuck noise was that? That's my kid. Oh, OK. They were there. And the second I turned the thing on, I hear I hear that I'm making mac and cheese.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Now, nice. What kind of what kind of cheese you use them? Whatever making the box making the box. You're making the box. Yeah there you go. Little Mazza. Little Mazza. Yeah. Fantastic. Well how you been man? I've seen you around. G.U.H. Always been a long time supporter. The ribs are fixed.
Starting point is 00:20:43 The ribs are fixed? Yeah I was the guy that called in about the like the five broken ribs and the boy shoulder and shit. I remember. Jesus. You look of him. He doesn't know what's going on. I'm glad the family's healthy. Healthy looking kid. Fantastic. I do have a biggest problem in the universe, I guess is going to be my question. Yeah, undelivered products. How? Undelivered products.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Yeah. You give me $800 for Superkiller. How much Superkiller did you buy? I did it just to be nice. I only bought one. All right. Well, I know look nobody likes when I talk about the comic, but I got to say I'm looking it over and, uh, yeah, we're, I think, I don't know. Look, this month, somebody's getting something. Let's put it that way.
Starting point is 00:21:52 Okay. This month, you're going to see a little something. I don't know if you're going to love it, but you're going to get a little something. Okay. All right. Go cook your kids some mac and cheese. Have fun. Thank you for all your support.
Starting point is 00:22:03 All right. I'll let it call me this show with kids. What's wrong with you guys? You're going to send me back to a county. Here's a Porco Rana Kokomo. Ron Conkomo. Yeah, of course. I like how assertive you are about it. It's Ron Conkomo. It's a very common Jewish family name. Exactly. The Ron Concomo's go back centuries. We love the Ron Concomo's. How's it going, Porco?
Starting point is 00:22:30 Not bad. I feel bad. I also brought my bowled into the stream. Oh, little buddy. What is the right? I don't know where my cats are at. I think they just are eating right now. You have a Siamese too, right? I have, yeah. All my cats are actually related. So I have the two cats and then they're all, one of them doesn't look Siamese too, right? I have, yeah. All my cats are actually related. So I have the two cats and then they're all, one of them doesn't look Siamese, but she's half Siamese.
Starting point is 00:22:51 The other one is definitely Siamese looking. Siamese cats are fun. Does yours talk a lot? Some of them talk too much. Yeah. All the time. It was the one thing that I wasn't expecting. It barks more than a dog. I like the one that ran away.
Starting point is 00:23:05 I hate to say this. I really liked that cat, but I also go, you know, of all the cats to run away, that was the one that like I go, at least I can sleep again. Do they wake you up to like, you know, demand food? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been waking me up at six o'clock every morning being like, morning and I'm like, yeah, we I have a rule in the house. I'm like, if the sun's not up, you don't get food. So like until the sun comes up, shut the fuck up. But late and they used to know that rule.
Starting point is 00:23:34 But lately they're like something about their internal clock. They're like, feed us now. Feed us now. I'm like, no. Yeah, but they are fucking up my sleep. It's not good. It's a big problem. Not the biggest problem, but it's a good problem. It's a good one. Another day. My problem is my problem is chef culture or maybe the lionization of chefs.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Yeah, they're real hot right now. Like the bear, you know, everyone's like, yeah, real hot. You know, they're real cool. You know, like everyone's like, yes, chef. It's a whole thing. I'm engaged to a chef and I don't want to like hate on the craft or anything because like it's impressive. They call it the craft.
Starting point is 00:24:12 I mean, like you're helping them. You're helping a little bit. Like I can't give them the full hate because they're good at what they do. I like eating out and everything. But like I just think they're real cool. And then when they come together in groups, they're the most insufferable people like oh You wouldn't get a John. You're just a home cook, you know, you're not on the trenches What we need to do we need to we need anytime anybody talks about like the art of cooking
Starting point is 00:24:37 Yeah, we have to kill them basically. I think I can get behind to go. We have to go. It's not art. It's putting. Ingredients in a pan and making them hot. You're a professional making things hot and combining them together. I bet it's hard to make like a leather belt, you know? I imagine it is infinitely harder. Yeah, so it's not like yeah man.
Starting point is 00:25:00 That guy with the tattoos and he's making leather belts. So that's not cool. So why are chefs so cool? Well, here's what happened is like chefs realized that cooking is really fucking easy. They had to start complicating the shit out of it to make it seem like what they were doing had value. And justify it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You lionize it.
Starting point is 00:25:21 It's like, oh man, like you're civilians. You're not, you don't understand what we go through. It's hard hours and hard drugs. We're like pirates and that's dumb. A caveman knew how to take a piece of meat and throw it in a fire. And then these cocksuckers come along and they're like, well, here's the thing is first you have to dry age it
Starting point is 00:25:38 in a humidor and then seal it in a vacuum pan and get the insides. You take meat and you set it on fire. Any idiot can do that. But there's definitely oil on it. Oh, but You take meat and you set it on fire. Any idiot can do that. But there's definitely oil on it. Oh, but I know how long to set it on fire. I know how long to do it for. OK, well, I could look it up in a book.
Starting point is 00:25:52 It literally says put it in the oven for 20 minutes. They work the same hours as like garbage men, you know, garbage men also on drugs, also covered in tats. Have you seen that bear episode where he's learning how to like polish forks or whatever? Yeah, that was the big app. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, it's all about, like, people see that episode and they're like, yeah, he finally understands how important restaurants are. Find maps.
Starting point is 00:26:18 And I'm like- And like, it's hard. Yes. But everyone has a hard time. I want to see if I can bring up this clip. Let me see if I can bring up this clip I saw this clip again recently and What I wanted was for him to go You guys are stupid. This is dumb It was like he reached enlightenment like oh, yeah, I'm in you can see this clip, right? Yeah, I see
Starting point is 00:26:42 Yeah, okay. So he's like asking You can see this clip, right? Yeah, I see. Yeah. Okay. So he's like asking Front of house Faster so we speed up their tickets 23 likes it slower. So we add an extra moves not to back 22 doesn't like people to speak to them. How do you know that know what about the people eating? We have a designated staff member that researches each guest Wow, you found out when rich people, what if rich people eat slowly? So my girl worked at a restaurant where like Hillary Clinton went there,
Starting point is 00:27:12 like Bowen Yang went there. And it's not it's not like that. It's like, oh, they had an experience and then they write it down. And then it's in their resi profile forever. It's like not hard. Yeah, I was like, I was like, if anyone works at a restaurant like this, I'd'd be like I would quit immediately. I'd be like I'm just gonna go make tacos. This is the stupidest thing in the world. One, two hamachi please. Eight, walking in five. Triple check five please, white chocolate allergy. Every night you make somebody's day. You ask me how I can do this and that's how I do this. And that's how I've heard that exact quote from my fiance. I would just if I was that guy, I'd be like, you have nothing to teach me. This is pretentious and retarded. It's food. You put it in your mouth.
Starting point is 00:27:50 It's not Master and Commander. Get over it. Yeah, exactly. The the the elevation of it to like, oh, and like I'm saying, that's why they had to make food all fucking complicated. Yeah, that's why they have those Michelin restaurants, which is like, we make little tiny flowers out of the mashed potato. It's a mashed potato. I just want to eat the mashed potato. It doesn't need to be a little fucking flower. It doesn't benefit me anyway. No, no, no. That potato has a story, Vito. Yeah, you're not respecting
Starting point is 00:28:15 it. The potato came from the rustic farm of the, it's all stupid. The craft. All right, Porco is winning. Porco has the best problem tonight. Thank you, Porko. Take care of yourself. We got Cackslayer. I'm worried about... Let's see what the Cackslayer has to say. Hello? Hey, Vito. How are you? How's it going, man? Not bad. Not bad. Hanging out in the goon cave?
Starting point is 00:28:37 No, no. Hanging out with my cat. We got cat guys tonight. Hell yeah. We got a lot of cat guys tonight. Oh, hell yeah. Aw, hey little buddy. Is that a girl? Yeah, she's a girl. Girl kit. Nice. That's the one you can get them with the tips. Yup, the old Q-tip. Q them up. I get more and more people coming to me when they go, you know, Vito, I thought you were crazy, but then I started dating this girl and she said, oh yeah, I've done that to my cat. Wait, really?
Starting point is 00:29:10 Perfectly normal. Yeah. Everybody knows. I don't know how I felt you made it up. Well, I didn't. I did it once and then I got the cat fixed. Anyway, Cact Slayer, what's the biggest problem in the universe? I mean, I would say it'd be, you know, derailed podcasts.
Starting point is 00:29:26 And it is nothing. Derailed podcasts. It's just everybody lately has got something to sell, whether it's Hackamania or comic books. It's true. It's very true. Or a follow-up series, animated series, you know. So it's super to a comic book. Yeah, you know, it's become a lot. It's kind of like when you go to the grocery store
Starting point is 00:29:43 and they want to sign you up for a credit card, you're not really, you're not there for that. You know, you're kind a lot. It's kind of like when you go to the grocery store and they want to sign you up for a credit card. You're not really, you're not there for that. You know, you're kind of there to listen to your podcast. Right. Okay. So let me lay out what the problem is, right? Is sometimes two guys are doing a podcast and one of those guys is very financially stable.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Maybe he's been podcasting for like 10 years. He's got a bunch of like side gigs. He's got real estate. Everything's going fine for that guy. And then there's the other guy whose life is a disaster. So unfortunately there's like a, there's an imbalance, a financial imbalance. And then maybe it becomes obvious. Fortunately, there's an imbalance, a financial imbalance. And then maybe it becomes obvious. You go, well, how come that one guy,
Starting point is 00:30:28 he's never gotten anything to sell. And then the second guy is desperately trying to escape a financial black hole created by maybe his own issues. People are saying it's my fault. Why is it my fault? I tried to save. I didn't get in on the ground floor. I wasn't able to buy real estate five, 10 years ago. Yeah, but you probably should have done
Starting point is 00:30:51 a black and white comic book to start. Should have done a black and white comic book. It would have been so much easier. My life would be so much easier. Well, here's the deal is we're escaping from the financial hole and one of the ways we're doing so is at Hackamania. Get your tickets.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Also, you can see behind me a variety of every one of those boxes contains a different video game console which needs to be sold. So that will be happening on my whatnot stream. And tonight, one of you lucky people in the chat will be winning a signed Mother's Milk Funko Pops. So stay around till the end. We're going to ship it to you. You're going to get a signed Mother's Milk Funko Pops. So stay around till the end. We're gonna ship it to you.
Starting point is 00:31:27 You're gonna get a signed Mother's Milk for your home, for all of you who stick around till the end of the stream. Isn't that exciting? Yeah, you gotta get that. That's like what, one of 80? How many are left? I have my house, I am drowning in crap.
Starting point is 00:31:39 So they need to, they gotta get out of here. I gotta, I need the Mother milks out of here. You can have a ripped one or you can have a not ripped one. Do you want one that was destroyed on camera or not? It is up to you, the chat is asking. So we will find out. Thank you, Keck Slayer. And I have kicked you, you did good.
Starting point is 00:31:57 All right, let's talk to Ben from Dover. I understand that joke. Finally, I've been calling in with that name forever. I'm doing gonna be doing that I'm bad at sell. I'm great at buying. I'm bad at selling. I'm real good at buying stuff. I'm like excellent at it. But they make it too easy to do one and too hard to do the other. What am I supposed to do? It's really easy to buy stuff because the stuff that shows up but then you can actually sell the stuff. But I will say I've been doing okay. I've been doing okay. I've been finally listing stuff on eBay and whatever else. I'm starting
Starting point is 00:32:44 to make a dent. Starting to make a dent. I make a headache, but oh god. You mean it's awful. You live in like asmongold over there well, cuz like I mean like Whatever, I don't know how to explain it is like I'm usually pretty good at being like well That'll be worth money So I buy it and I put it and I'm like, I'll just flip it and then I just never flip it cuz I'm lazy So man, you gotta you can't just speculate on the card value you got to speculate on the value of not living surrounded by cards That's my current problem. Yes, I agree. All right, you're 100% correct. You Know it's tough. We all go through only too much shit. It happens. It's always a good idea when you buy it
Starting point is 00:33:21 People are asking is that 8% burn guy's cradle left. I think it's in this box. Oh, they are there. It's got a story. Well, that's going to be part of the, which I hope is still happening. I don't know right now. Dick is experiencing some sort of medical trauma. I mean, I won't bury the lead. He's having a hearing issues.
Starting point is 00:33:42 He's you know, he's been complaining about tinnitus lately. So and he mentioned this on Twitter. I'm not spoiling it, but yeah, he's having a hearing issues. He's you know, he's been complaining about tinnitus lately. So and he mentioned this on Twitter. I'm not spoiling it, but yeah, he's going to get checked. He's going to make sure his ears keep working. He's a regular Sterling Archer. I thought I had that dang guy's cradle. Anyway, that if we do the magic tournament, that will be the top hit for the magic. That'll be the big
Starting point is 00:34:02 you're going to win a box of cards and you're going to get get the guy's cradle itself so we'll see if I can find that I know it's somewhere what's the big problem Ben oh my god it is Star Wars man-children yeah I don't know if you can keep up with and or but a thing happened a character was a isolated and attempted to be taken advantage upon, like some sort of mint flavored bowl of- Some sort of a sandwich, yeah, there. And a non-consensual sandwich. They freak out as if like,
Starting point is 00:34:36 humans haven't done that for all of humanity. And they're like, not in my Star Wars, Darth Vader. Paragon of morality himself, he would never. He wouldn't tolerate it. He'd be that black guy in um the Gillette commercial who yeah hey hey not okay yeah so for those of you don't know the show and or had a non-consensual sexual act briefly and I don't know what the adult Star Wars fans want I really don't like I don't know pretend that their kids Wars fans want. I really don't. Like I don't know. Pretend that they're kids again. They want they want the lightsabers.
Starting point is 00:35:08 They want the man with the four arms. Right. Shot in the chest. But I feel like Dave Filoni gives them that kind of goofy kitty shit already. And it's like already goofy and stupid. And I'm like, well, it's pretty good. And it's like it is to me every time I look at Star Wars, I always think about Gundam. Do you know the Gundam franchise? It's a Japanese franchise, which you know, the first it's like a little bit more serious, but it's about a giant robots. And it kind of started off as like a kid's show to sell. Yeah. Toys. Obviously when you bring up how Eva is like the subversion of that, right? Now I'm not going to talk about it either
Starting point is 00:35:43 because I'm going to to talk about it either because but the point is the guys made Gundam realized well at the heart of it what's kind of interesting about this is it is a war okay it's like who everybody watches world war two documentaries everybody's interested in like war history we can just have a war history we can have different campaigns different battles different generals and whatever else and I keep waiting for Star Wars to just do that and instead they're like what if there was another Jedi and he was like the best Jedi and he had two lightsabers coming out of his dick hole and I'm like and he also survived Order 66 and he also survived Order 66 can you believe it I'm like just make it Star Wars you can have some Jedi but you got to have some war fucking there you gotta have some wars.
Starting point is 00:36:25 Fucking, there was war shit in those movies. You remember fucking Hoth, the Battle of Hoth, and there's a bunch of soldiers running around in the snow? What happened to all that shit? Anyway, I don't think I'm allowed to talk about Star Wars on this show. I think everybody gets mad when I do. But, yeah, Andor is like the first time that you're like, hey, yeah, it's like a war movie. You know, in a war movie, usually like the Jews get kidnapped and the ladies get raped and that's just part of the story.
Starting point is 00:36:50 What do you want? That's what they're doing. That wasn't the real flaw. The real flaw is in that whole three episode arc that they put out where pacing, tone, a bunch of weird shit fucking around in the woods, not getting anything done. It was not portraying an actual piece of shit officer
Starting point is 00:37:04 trying to take advantages. All right, Ben's talking way too much about Star Wars. Bye, Ben. Todd, Todd, don't go into the details of the Endor episode. We're learning bleeding viewers right now. Jesus Christ. Hey, Todd, how's it going? Good. Is my mic working? Yes. Good. You wearing pants, Todd. Yeah. You idiot. You're not. You don't need to be wearing pants. I'm bad. Why would I? You're probably not even wearing underwear from today. I'm wearing women's underwear that I stole.
Starting point is 00:37:37 It makes me feel pretty. Why do older men always do that to me? What? Immediately talking about sexual stuff. Right off the bat. Why do older men immediately talk to you about sexual stuff? This is something you've encountered before? Yes. Todd, please detail. What older men have been accosting you with sexual chats? Just random people on the internet, you know? Where are you going that random old men can talk to you, Todd?
Starting point is 00:38:07 I don't know. Old Xbox lobbies. So you go into Xbox and older gentlemen try to talk to you about having sexual encounters. What are you doing in the Xbox lobbies? Todd, what's your name in the Xbox lobby? Uh, you know who I am. If I said that my biggest problem was when guys join an X-Box lobby with put
Starting point is 00:38:30 it in my butt and they get all upset when I try to talk to them about that very, uh, that very topic. Well, it was queef King for a long time. There's your problem. A lot of guys. Well, how can you be the queef King? The King of other women's queefs doesn't make any sense. Todd, what is the biggest problem in the universe? Is that it?
Starting point is 00:38:50 Sure. Yeah. Okay. Good work. You nailed it. That was Todd's big break and he blew it. Here's Dat Guy. All right, then he's gone. Let's talk to Ed. Hello, Ed. How you doing, Vito? How's it going, man? Sweet, sweet headphones. You know, I always get that comment. I forget that I got these and all the time.
Starting point is 00:39:15 All my friends just call me a queer because it's like, oh, yeah, I forgot. I got the pink kitty headphones. But now those are cool. I like those a lot. All right. Thank you. Well, the biggest problem in the universe is self-appointed doctors Like I swear to God like like I'll just like be like living like just existing in my life Yeah and then like I'll have like some random scars something like I forgot about on my arm and I'll just have like my
Starting point is 00:39:38 Sister will come up to me and she'll be like, oh What would you get like that burn from? It's like It's like bitch you saw me get this like a year ago. It's like we already took care of this. She's like, you know, it's like you should really put like some aloe vera or like a bandage or something on that shit. One hundred percent. One hundred percent.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Ed, take your little microphone thing and like pull it away a little bit. Sorry. There you go. All right. That might be better. Yeah, it's better. There you go. Now go go. No, I was going to say the other day at work, like, I like just cut my hand because like I was sliding my hand like a dumbass like across some thin metal. I cut my hand like my finger a little bit, but like it wasn't enough to bleed. Like I just like, you know, broke my skin a bit. But like my supervisor saw this and she like just saw like free of course woman moment. She just starts freaking out. She's like, Oh my God, we got the first aid kit over here. You got to like wipe that down with some alcohol. It's like, man, man, I'm not even bleeding.
Starting point is 00:40:38 You don't see any pink. Hold on, hold on. You were in a fucking what's it? What do they call it? Nurse Florence type situation. She was hitting on you, man. When a lady wants to bandage up your shit, that's an invitation. Aw, man. Nah, bro. She was like, I gotta take care of this guy. Oh, hold on. Let me take care of you, Ed. Nah, bro. She's this short 50-year-old Mexican lady, man. It's like- You could get at that.
Starting point is 00:41:05 You don't get a fucking marriage. Yeah. You know, the classic move, if you're in a workplace situation is to fake wounds in front of women all the time, you know, just like just just like get some fake blood and just fucking fuck up your arm. Be like, oh, oh, you know, and then like women will want to help you because they're natural caretakers. They want, you know, they want to treat you like their child or whatever. And and then, yeah, and then that's how you get them.
Starting point is 00:41:32 Yeah, I'm about to take take advantage, take advantage, start cutting yourself at work, I guess, is what my advice is. Just turn you at work. That's how you get on. You know, that's right. Just don't go too deep because then then it's a bad situation All right. All right, Ed. I love you brother. That was Ed clear veto file as people are saying in the chat Yeah, we fixed his microphone. We got there. I am not am I skipping anyone? It's going in order, right? I think if anybody feels like I'm skipping you tell me in the private chat, but I think I'm going in order. Let's talk to River Beard. River. Hey Vito,
Starting point is 00:42:09 how you doing? Did you decide to flex a little glass of wine on us here tonight? I like wine. I'll put it out. Spoken like I'm going to say the long pause followed by I like wine is a very good endorsement of wine. I believe you when you say you like it now. Thing about wine is I like wine. It's the... I used to get the cheap $5, $6 bottles and I was getting headaches from them. Yeah, I see an upgrade. What are you doing? Yeah, so I upgraded to like the $8 bottle.
Starting point is 00:42:51 Nice, no more two buck Chuck. Now it's eight buck Betty. Well Riverbeard, what is the biggest problem in the universe? Oh Vito, my biggest problem in the universe is that everyone watching the stream right now has not yet read my comic online Yeah, you just hate my friends. They can find it for free I'm not charging anything at the computers hate my friends calm and it's also I don't have printed copies available Right, which is the best way to sure I have a few of a local printed copy for myself We'll see if I can get this on the screen. Yeah, let's take a look here. I love to see the schizophrenic ramblings of our...
Starting point is 00:43:34 Let's see. How do I... There it is. I don't know if you can read it. It's not too important that they read it. What is the story of this comic book? Sorry, what did you say? What is the story of this comic book? Sorry, what did you say? What's the storyline? Keep it on the, everyone wants to see it, keep it showing it. Oh, keep it on the, yeah. Yeah, yeah, what is this about exactly?
Starting point is 00:43:56 Timmy. Right. In the green. Right. And there's just a side character, it's it? But anyways, so Timmy, all of the computers ate his friends. Yeah. And after two years of the computers have eaten his friends, he decides that enough is enough. And he willingly gets eaten by the computer himself so he can go inside and liberate his friends
Starting point is 00:44:27 He's got to go inside the computer. He's got to face his fears What is it and and then is there violence in this book There's vandalism. There's not violence. It's humans are helping each other here Vandals no violence. Sometimes Timmy runs into challenges from the people that he's trying to help. What challenges are good for a story I would say. Sometimes you gotta put some gas. Is there a love story in there? Does he meet a girl at all? Oh I don't want to spoil it. Yeah you can't spoil that stuff. That's something to bring them in afterwards. Don't give it away.
Starting point is 00:45:08 I agree. All right. Well, thanks, River. I will be sure to check out the Computers Ate My Friends. Is that the name of it? The computers ate my friends dot com. Dot com. Hold on word.
Starting point is 00:45:18 How'd you get that URL? That must have been like, did you have to like bid to get that? No, it was just available here. Something like that. I got it through. No. Uh, and then it's okay. I've hosted for free on GitHub just because it's not a particularly
Starting point is 00:45:36 complicated website since GitHub won't allow me to have the entire, um, the entire like whatever gigabyte resolution files. You can't get the full res on there. No it's very good res. I look at the screen and I can't tell the difference. Maybe other people can if they really squint. If you want to download the PDF though it also has a link to a Google Drive with the PDF. Alright hey are there any like I'm really big on like trains? Is there like like well there's computers. What is that supposed to mean? No, no, no, no, no. I mean it's got computers. It's kind of like trains.
Starting point is 00:46:14 So I'm excited to check it out. Guys, the computers a my friends.com. Check it out. We love Riverbeard. Thank you very much, River. Check it out. Thank you. All right. Have fun. Okay. What's that mean now? Check it out. I love independent fucking media. It's great. I'm excited. Oh, let's talk to let's talk to shut up. Crime. How's it going, man?
Starting point is 00:46:37 Oh, no fucking way, dude. I didn't think I was going to get it. Of course. I'm your greatest parasocial brother. That's terrifying, but I'm excited. Yeah, no, it's fine. No, when you got, dude, you did the best video ever. Whatever that one was where you went to Berkeley and-
Starting point is 00:46:56 Oh, the Pepsi video? God damn it. And then you got on the Dick Show and now you're on my- And now I don't do anything good. Now everything I do sucks Well, this is what I want to talk to you about what happened like it gives you all the best ideas but you don't do any of them I have
Starting point is 00:47:14 well, I Got to figure out Let's say I'm having let's just say I'm having health issues of my own, okay, that I'm trying to figure out. All right, I'm not gonna die, but I need some doctors to figure out why my body is falling apart. And I know everyone's gonna say, well, it's because you're a big fat piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:47:36 Well, I am working on that, believe it or not. I've been working out every day trying to lose some weight and hopefully that'll help as well. And the other answer is you know I got a lot of great ideas but unfortunately I it's hard to figure out how to divide up my time and part of my time right now honestly I have to sell all this crap because it's I'm drowning in it so a lot of my time has been dedicated to organizing the shit I have and trying to clean up my life. I'm hoping when I'm done with all that, that I have some space again and I can get, hopefully
Starting point is 00:48:10 I'll have time again to, and obviously I'm working on the comic, which is my main priority. So you know what? But I'm not making excuses. It's true. Vito's output sucks. I need to make good stuff and I'm trying to figure out how to do that. I hear you guys. The biggest problem is the best show. Like it's every Friday I tune in.
Starting point is 00:48:31 Okay, I'm crazy. Maybe I'm crazy. I always am trying to find good podcasts to listen to. That's not true. I only listen to old episodes of the Howard Stern Show because I can't find a good podcast to listen to. It is impossible to find good banter. Just guys who have like fucking rhythm and can riff. And, uh, this show to me is a rare breed. You guys do rule and that's not a boring smoke up your ass. They're just joking about the parasocial shit. It's only funny because you're self-conscious about it.
Starting point is 00:49:01 Oh, thank you. Well, I am a self-conscious about it. Well, we got a great show. I'm hoping we can get a couple more years out about it. Well, thank you. Well, I am a self conscious about it. Well, we got a great show. I'm hoping we can get a couple more years out of it. And then I'm going to the top of the clock tower and, uh, who knows what's going to happen? Um, I w well I've got to you cause you are one of the best nerds and this is something that happens to me in my everyday life all the time is I hear people talk about stupid nerd stuff and I only ever hear about it because you and Dave are working on it.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Like it's a very, it's a very strange problem and I don't exactly know how to articulate. I hear from us talking about nerd shit. Know how to articulate from here from us talking about nerd shit I'm only familiar with weird things and then I hear other people talk about it and I don't know how to bring up to them like What? What do I say? Like oh my friends. We're talking about it. Yeah, you gotta say my friends are talking about it You can use that one. That's fine It feels so strange that was talking to my buddy about this thing that's going on.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Yeah. And he's such a fucking weirdo. I don't know why he's always watching Star Wars, but yeah, my buddy is really obsessed with Star Wars. He's always talking about it. I think I do that same thing. Can I say it's better than saying my favorite racist podcaster was you guys, you guys are so awkward with racism it's it's the perfect no it's bad i'm trying to tone it down
Starting point is 00:50:31 can i can trump's america it trumps america the all rules are off you can say anything about anything it's crazy it's not schumio anthony kumia has a syndicated radio program again Anthony Kumia has a syndicated radio program again. I jumped in a camping rally at a college commencement. Whatever. Like, we live in the upside down, it's okay. I need a hot take from you though, and I didn't get to your point very quickly. Alright. You saw my name.
Starting point is 00:51:02 Have you seen Super the movie? The one with the Ryan Wren Wilson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw part of it. I never watched the whole movie. Oh, God damn it. You failed me on the nerds. It's good.
Starting point is 00:51:15 I heard it's OK. I think it's like one of the most criminally underrated movies ever. Yeah. I like Rand Wilson. It's so funny and it's so hard. I don't know. People can't do dark and that sucks.
Starting point is 00:51:34 So your problem is that I haven't seen a Rand Wilson movie. Well, I figured you'd seen it because you're the biggest nerd that I've ever met. I actually, I don't, I don't, you know what the problem is, everybody always thinks that I like see all these movies and shit. I actually, I don't, I don't, you know what the problem is, everybody always thinks that I like see all these movies and shit. I just end up playing Bellatro and I have to stop playing that. No, that's my biggest problem is Bellatro is too addictive.
Starting point is 00:51:54 Vito, we love you. Don't kill yourself. I'll try not to. Listen, listen to Dick, man. He's got, he's got great ideas for you and He has some good ideas. You can execute. It's just... I want to do the food videos. I want him to do the food videos with me.
Starting point is 00:52:13 So, I don't know. Explain that to me. How does that look? It would be... I think it would have an interstitial thing. It would be like, I want to lead into it with like a skit. Like we're at the In-N-Out. And he goes like, oh, these fries are terrible.
Starting point is 00:52:30 And then it's like that, who's that gay guy who does that, I'm a retard and I explain everything. Isn't that the name of the show? I'm not familiar, tell me more. He's a gay guy with glasses. Okay. He goes, oh, Adam explains everything. I think it's called. Hmm. That dude sucks. Did you see that? Yeah. I want to do that. I want to be that guy.
Starting point is 00:52:55 What if it's just a segment and you just do it on the show and like you, you're totally right. I used to work at Domino's and you're totally right about the 555. The 555 was hell. I don't remember the number, but you could always tell when someone used it and you could tell they were not going to tip you because they were poor ass. Yeah. A certain demographic of people would order the 555. All right.
Starting point is 00:53:22 I love you. Bye. Now we're talking about Domino's deep lore. Now we're talking about Domino's Deep Lore. Now we're talking about Domino's Deep Lore. Get out of here. Here's Rex Sexton. Where? Sweet, sweet green screen, bro. Looks good. They're all in the room together. How's it going, man? Hanging in there, hanging in there.
Starting point is 00:53:45 Unfortunately, I can't make it to, uh, hack a mania this year. So I hope you find, oh my God, guys, I do have to mention again. And thank you for reminding me. Go to hack a mania.com. Uh, tickets are still available. We know it's mother's day weekend. So we're trying to sell some last minute tickets. So all of you hate your mothers and would rather spend it with us, use promo code BIGGEST and Riley and me will be jello wrestling,
Starting point is 00:54:14 I think is what we've decided on with knives in the jello. Whoever finds the knife first, inherits the podcast. And bring your MILFs with you. Yes. And bring a gun. Because I don't know what, well wait, don't bring a gun to Hackamania. Actually, if you bring a gun, I'm pretty sure you'll get in trouble. Don't bring a gun to Hackamania. Also, there's karaoke on Thursday. I was going to do, I was like, no, there's karaoke on Friday.
Starting point is 00:54:42 I'm excited for karaoke. You know, excited for karaoke. You know, Dick hates karaoke. Fucking hates it. It makes no sense. You know why Dick hates karaoke? Because he because he's like a real singer, you know, I think he gets I think he gets butt blasted when normal people try to have fun and make music when he's like, I had to study how to make music. I'm like, yeah, well, I just want to sing like Journey. So who gives a shit?
Starting point is 00:55:07 Yeah. Yeah. Watch my live stream where I sit at the piano, like Liberace. Yeah. And now from all his love of music, his ears are rotting out and it's a bit of shit. No, that's horrible guys. Pray for deck.
Starting point is 00:55:20 We need his ears to recover. It's, it's, it's between that and screaming. Yeah. And in his own ears, I think the problem he had is like going all these concerts and fucking Burning Man, whatever, all these loud places. And I've had people I've had people be like, you and Dick must be like, really, like hang out all the time or whatever. I'm like, no, because he always wants to go somewhere fucking loud
Starting point is 00:55:47 It's like we should go to this loud bar Yeah, exactly. We should go to this loud bar. We're gonna loud rave like it's gonna be loud. I enjoy quiet Conversation I want to go to the magic card store I want to argue about leather Lorwin or shards of Alara was the superior block constructed format. I don't want to hear a bunch of shit in my ears. Yeah, just gentle whispers right right up next to my face. That's what I want. Shadow Cataclysm says dick goes to loud place to avoid veto. Well, he's done a fantastic job. I have no problem with that.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Go to the loudest place as you want. It seems like his head repercussions, but what can you do? I rec sex and what's the biggest problem in the universe? You know, we're kind of flying off the cuff tonight. I didn't really prepare anything. But yeah, but to me, this is my biggest problem in the universe. Not even not even shitting you so to speak is poop anxiety. You know, this is literally like ruined relationships for me. And you know, and that's also why I'm just like this sexy, genius, wealthy 30 something all alone, uh, hanging out with you guys on a Friday night, but primarily because I don't want women who are staying with me, uh, in whatever
Starting point is 00:57:07 capacity to hear me, shit my brains out every morning through the plywood door of my house. Uh, as a man who has a curtain as his door, I can understand that you might, uh, feel the same way. Here's how I feel is I always go here. Here's why I've been living in my own place for at least a what six years now, seven years is living the bachelor lifestyle. And, uh, I'll go to take a shit.
Starting point is 00:57:35 And, uh, I like to scream while I ship. I really do. It's a very primal activity for me. I like a blast one out. I like the blast one out. I like to blast around and go, fuck, fuck, you know, just like it comes out easier. Honestly, it's like you're really empty yourself out. If you're a quiet, if you're a quiet moment, if you're a quiet shitter, I hate this. You got to like scare the shit out of you. You got to really put your fucking your everything into it. You got to feel it. You got it. You got it.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Sometimes you got to pray too. You know, yeah. Hail Mary's. Yeah. And if I had a girl living here, she'd be like, why are you always screaming in there? And I get that a lot. I get that a lot. I also, when I'm in the shower, I like to just kind of have a little bit of Tourette's and just like swear and yell like racial slurs at the shower, you know, just to get it out of my system in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want a girl around because she's going to hear that.
Starting point is 00:58:40 Well, yeah, I'm more worried about her hearing me have house shaking farts and giant Poseidon's kisses plopping up. I'm more worried about her hearing me call the shower the N-word. You know, just cause I'm getting blasted by the hot water. I'm like, you fucking, ah, you know, and it's like it energizes me. It gets me ready for the fucking day. That was a close one. I don't think it was.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Yeah, my neighbors, I think my neighbors think I have Tourette's because I always and it's because I always have this window open and they just hear me yelling and screaming and it's horrifying. I don't have a fan in my bathroom either, which is a gross oversight when they check in. So I have to pull the window open. I gotta leave the window open. There is a not greater than 50% chance.
Starting point is 00:59:36 There's a dampness you gotta deal with. And they're hearing it, they're hearing it. I don't know, and then I, but I never hear my neighbors shitting, so maybe I'm worried about nothing, I don't know. I hear but I never hear my neighbors shitting so maybe I'm maybe I'm worried about nothing I don't know. I hear my neighbors. I swear to God my neighbors throw up every morning between the hours of 530 and 830 I identify with that experience. I'm there with them. Well, I believe it's probably not Yeah, I wish I I wish I had done bulimia. I just throw up for fun
Starting point is 01:00:04 Just to be sure I can do it. It clears everything out for the day. You...shit. This is the worst conversation. What the fuck am I doing? Alright. I love you, Rex. Bye. Peace. Sometimes you just gotta... You know when you're doing improv? This is an improv thing they teach you when you're doing improv. Sometimes is an improv thing. They teach you when you're doing improv. They go, sometimes you just got to cut it.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Hey, Finaghi. Oh, holy shit. Can you hear me? How's it going, man? Yeah, I can hear you. Good. Finished work on the site. Drinking my beer, taking my cum pills. Ready for a weekend. Nice. Lock and load. Oh, I'm double fisting.
Starting point is 01:00:42 Shooting, shooting. Oh, you know it. Wait, do you get those from PKA? No, you get them from GorillaMind.com with 10%... Hold on. Lock and load pills. What the fuck do these do? Seamen volume enhancer?
Starting point is 01:00:58 Oh, hell yeah. It makes it better for you, and that's all that matters during sex. So you have more semen. No, no, no. Just more. There's no extra semen. They don't. This is heavily. It says heavily augmented semen volume.
Starting point is 01:01:16 I'm looking at it right now. Sorry. You're right. Semen not sperm. My bad. Heavily augmented semen volume, bolstered libido and projectile rain. As you know, I'm a big fan of white semen, You're gonna take six of these fuckers? Hey, you used to have to take nine.
Starting point is 01:01:47 That was for the early adopters. Bro, you're taking six cum pills a day? Three in the morning, three in the night, shooting five times a day. It's great. You just do it on the days you're going to have sex or you do it every day? I don't feel comfortable answering that question. Hello. And how big is it? Show me a pill. All right. I'll open the new one. I'll pull one of the pills out. Don't worry. It's not a suppository.
Starting point is 01:02:24 All right. It's got a lot of shit in it. 3,500 milligrams Sunflower Alekthin, 200 milligram Pygmyum extract, thousand milligrams of adamantium. You cocksuck, why, okay, bro, that's like a horse pill. You're taking six fucking horse pills a day just to get more cum? Yes.
Starting point is 01:02:44 There's gotta be better ways to have more cum. I hate to say it. Well, I'm not, not to come down on PKA because this was developed in collaboration with the PKA podcast, but don't they have like a lock and load mini? I like just, if I want like a little bit extra cum, I don't need a gorilla amount of extra cum. You could, uh, I got my personal trainer on them. If you take two a day, you get the benefits of about a 50% increased load, but
Starting point is 01:03:09 also the best part of these pills, you get more, uh, reloads in the tank and faster reloads. You know what I mean? But are you, are you using them to have sex or are you using them to jerk off? Why not both? But I'm saying like, why would you want to jerk off more? Do you want to jerk off more? The answer is yes.
Starting point is 01:03:35 Why? Why not? It feels great. Why would I want to do a man's job? I know it feels great, but it's like, OK, if I jerk off more than once a day, I'm like, what am I doing? I'm wasting time. There's got to be something else I can be doing. The idea of a pill that makes so I can jerk off more sounds like a curse, frankly.
Starting point is 01:03:55 The last thing I want is to go, oh, good. Now I can go jerk off more. They got horrifying. Now I can spend more on tissue paper. Now, yeah, exactly. It's a burden. I don't know. I choose to bear it so others can't, you know, somebody's got to take out all their stock. So what do you are you? Yeah. What? OK. I can't wrap my head around this.
Starting point is 01:04:19 I can't wrap my head around taking it for sex and jerking off. It's I know. Like having like a sex drive. But if you already have too high of a sex drive, why would you want more of a sex drive? I have problems, I guess is the best answer, unfortunately. That's... You got me down. I'm not trying to get you down. I'm trying to understand. Clearly,
Starting point is 01:04:50 this made sense at some point. Clearly, at some point, you woke up. I assume you were listening to the PKA podcast. Is that what happened? You were listening to the podcast? You know it. And they said, their pitch to you was, have you ever wanted to heavily augment your semen volume and bolster your libido and projectile range? Yeah. And so I got it.
Starting point is 01:05:15 And with the lady I was with at the time, everything they said came true from Woody's boss. Did she like that you had augmented semen volume? She didn't know. I took their, I took one. Well, I mean, but like, was she like, wow, that was really, did she ever say to you like, wow, you come a lot. She took it as a, cause we had been dating for about six months then that out of
Starting point is 01:05:39 nowhere, she had gotten extra sexy out of nowhere. And the only thing I fucked up, she thought because you were producing more semen, it was because she had gotten sex. She thought he was the cat's pajamas. And yeah, she, okay. And then she traded me in for a better person. So I kind of fucked myself there. So, but at that point, at no point did it cross your mind while I'm not
Starting point is 01:06:04 dating that girl, I can probably did it cross your mind while I'm not dating that girl, I can probably stop taking six compills every day. Yeah. And then I've waited until the next girl and then those distances got longer. And you know, once you've been on the sauce and really felt the longer, you know, the longer loads, cause it does take a little longer to get it all out. It feels so much better, unfortunately. I know it feels better, but eating a birthday cake every day probably feels pretty good to a guy who likes birthday cake, but at a certain point you go, you know, I'm wasting a lot of time and it's probably not healthy to be eating all this birthday cake.
Starting point is 01:06:42 I mean, I get that it feels good, but like when you use the birthday cake and allergy, you're 100% correct, but everything in this supplement is in other supplements that people take to get fit and do better in life, zinc, other things. So frankly, I'm making myself healthier. Dirty Dalish, Dirty Dalish in the chat. Dalish, you're a professional, a'm making myself healthier. Dirty Dalish, Dirty Dalish is in the chat. Dalish, you're a professional woman of sexiness. Tell us how you feel, like are you, when a guy is just coming buckets,
Starting point is 01:07:17 what does that add to you? I wanna know, I wanna know. Because I don't get it, I don't get it. And it is true, Vito is scared of cum. That is canonical. That one of my problems is I'm like, it's so gross that like, I wish you could cum and just like a little pill comes out and you just could dispose of it gently. Like a little, if a little like capsule came out of your
Starting point is 01:07:36 dick and you could just gently dispose of it in a waste basket, I would find that infinitely preferable. You know, people would sell those for other people. I guess you're making jobs then. I don't know why you have now invented a science fiction community where people use their cum pills to barter. I don't know why that's where your mind immediately went, but sure. There's a lot of freaks when you live in a big city. You know if that happened they would probably use those as money. Not money. I guess you got a point there.
Starting point is 01:08:07 I guess you got a point there. All right, man. Well, I can't say don't do it. You know, do what feels right, baby. Lock and load. That's a hell of an endorsement, I got to say. Yeah, two bottles full. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:26 And it's $60 for how many pills? You get 90, no it's not 90 anymore it's 120. How much are you spending a month on compills? All right 180 pills every four months I'll buy myself two bottles. 120 bucks so you're paying about $600 a month maybe or a year. Yeah. Which, look, I wouldn't tell my dad I'm spending $600 a month on it. No, but you would tell an audience of thousands of strangers, so. Yeah, my dad will never get this. Don't worry.
Starting point is 01:09:03 Dirty Dalish wants to know, have you ever heard of edging? That's too much work. I gotta say, Dalish, what are you talking about? You've never been a guy. No real man wants to edge. It's the worst idea in the world. No, yeah, I want the job, yeah, exactly. We want to come.
Starting point is 01:09:18 We don't want to... A guy who gets off on, oh, what if I didn't come? That man is actually insane. I'm a man who likes to finish a job. Good luck with your lock and load. My friend. Thank you for letting me know. I'm thank you for having me on.
Starting point is 01:09:31 Fascinated by this. Yeah. Fascinated. All right, ladies, you know where to find them. You know where to find them. Actually, I don't know where to find them. Let's talk to captain black beard. How's it going, man?
Starting point is 01:09:42 Uh, it's black bread. I've been here before. Oh, black bread. Sorry. I should have said that's cool. Everybody gets it wrong. You know, if you don't like reading, you can just call me weird anyway, and it's cool. Anyway, yeah, now the only thing on my mind is the big cum like the big greasy like he just finished beating off right before the call. He I mean, it seemed like he didn't want to talk about it,
Starting point is 01:10:06 but I was like, well, you're not dating anyone. He's like, no, I'm like, so you take and come pills just so you can jerk off a lot? Like, it's gotta be some other pill you could take. Like, how about art pills that make you go do some art or something creative? Yeah, you know what, why not? God, I'd love some fucking art pills. I don't think the lock-and-load pills
Starting point is 01:10:27 I think when they came up with them it was specifically like yeah, you can you know cream pie the hell out of your lady I don't think they were like, you know in case you just want to jerk off a lot I don't think I was part of it, but you know, it's each their own Well, you know you make your money somehow and maybe you don't hate your demographic all the time And yeah, that happens with a lot of people You know, I don't want these pills all the time. And that happens with a lot of people. You know, I don't want these pills. If these pills are in Vito's booty, I'm never I'm not taking them. They're not the Tories, man.
Starting point is 01:10:51 No offense to P.K.I. But even though I am a man who is interested in the idea of shooting, shooting as far as you can go, I'm not going to take six giant ass pills every day. I said little pills was one little pill pills. It was one little pill. This pill. If it was one little pill, I would almost wrap my head around. I go, OK, one little pill. But the idea is sitting there.
Starting point is 01:11:14 Scarf and cum pills. I don't get it. I can't get this. What happens if you take too many of them? Do you just like die of being filled full of cum? You got to get it. Yeah. Like they do. It's how you treat it. Yeah, that would be bad. of them do you just like die of being filled full of gum you gotta get it yeah that would be bad hold on real quick I just wanted to say Vito's last cat it was also how much of our audience has the lock and load pills what is going on what is wrong with you fucking degenerates
Starting point is 01:11:42 what number of okay well that was not some, Captain Black Bread, what is the biggest problem in the universe? Well, I've been thinking about what to call this, but you know, we'll just call it the big slow van fallacy. So, I got two vehicles. One of them is a 91 Astro. Admittedly, they're not very fast, you know,
Starting point is 01:12:04 at accelerating, but you can sit pretty easily at 80 Go a little faster if you want or sure I have a pop top and for some reason because I have a pop top on there, you know, like a campervan People feel the need to go around me no matter how fast I'm going So if I'm going, you know, let's say allegedly 85 So if I'm going, you know, let's say allegedly 85, people are still trying to get around me going 100. Like they feel the need. They need to be around. Not behind me. I don't fucking. I hate I hate the guys. You got to be one car length ahead. I never understood that.
Starting point is 01:12:39 It's like I'm like, dude, we're in the same amount of traffic. Do you really need to be in front of me? And then, yeah, everybody behind you, you keep getting ahead. I gotta get ahead. It's too much. Oh, and then emerges over two lanes and exits. It's all bullshit. Yeah, that's that's in my opinion, the biggest problem in the universe is these assholes that have to get around me because they're like,
Starting point is 01:13:03 he's got the thing on top. I got it. I got it Car problem. I love you black bread That wasn't going anywhere new unfortunately Like I said, sometimes you got to go. All right, we're there. We got it cannabis. What's going on? What a player Hey, you know, where's the food lore videos? We need the food more I Have an editor who said it'll do them. I got to write them and I got to record the the voiceover Well, we need them. Um, also I blocked you on Twitter just to get ahead of everyone
Starting point is 01:13:34 Max that is an L name and What should I change it to I don't know something that's like Max cool You like fucking John dishwasher John, maybe I should change it to John Just to get a spoiler the problem is at when I change my profile name I also have to change my my profile picture. So I picture. So I have to do it at the same time. Oh, that's right. You have to do it like every couple of weeks.
Starting point is 01:14:09 So I got to figure out what John Dishwasher would look like. I think John Dishwasher is a time traveler. All right, do it. Do it, but yeah. I don't know how to express that in a John Dishwash. Max Cool is a goddamn Maddox character. That's that's that's where I think I don't like it. I think I found my picture of John Dishwash. Hold on real quick. Can I share this? Let me
Starting point is 01:14:40 see. Present screen. And this is it. I think I'm going to talk about my biggest problem. The hobby death. What do you think about this guy? Mm hmm. Little emaciated. I mean, for the story, it works. I want to run it. Absolutely. I want to run it through that studio. Ghibli filter. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give him.
Starting point is 01:15:04 Fuck what? What's he look like? The new guy? Like if he was a time traveler? Absolutely. I think he's an ad. I think he's an ad. Here's the deal. I think John dishwasher is a guy washing dishes, right? And uh hold on one second. I'm trying to take a screen capture of this. I think it's uh I think it's a Terminator type situation where he was the savior of the human race but the timeline has been altered. Where he's now stuck is John Dishwasher and he starts having these dreams of the timeline in which he originally was the savior of the
Starting point is 01:15:37 human race. I do like alternate timeline stories where you're in the fucked up timeline. Like Diablo 4 takes place in the fucked up timeline. You're in the fucking timeline. Like Diablo 4 takes place in a fucked up timeline. You're in the bad time. The demon, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are you at in Bellatrio? What stake are you doing? Like which...
Starting point is 01:15:54 The money one. Like the difficult, you got the cards with the decks, but under it you got the, how hard it is. Cause that's kind of how you measure it. Yeah, but don't you unlock a different, how hard it is for each one? Yeah, every time you beat it. So you haven't been, well,
Starting point is 01:16:08 tell us about what you're doing on Bellatro. No one wants to hear about what I'm doing in Bellatro. No, Bellatro is big. I have red stake unlocked, red stake. Okay, that's pretty good. The next deck I need to unlock is I need to unlock the, I need to win with green stake. I have the Zodiac deck unlocked. How did you get me to talk about Bellatro to unlock the I need to win with green stay I have the zodiac deck unlocked how did you get me talking about blotcher
Starting point is 01:16:27 stop what's the biggest problem in the universe? chat wants to hear about your cum how big are your loads? they're pretty I think they're like already pretty big that's the thing is I go I don't think I need load pills right cuz you're like a pretty nutritious guy. And I think like I eat a lot. So I got a lot of Yes, some some there to put in there. And let's be clear. I mean, the reason I'm horrified by dick pills is I when I was younger, thankfully, it's finally started to drop off. But in my 20s, I was you can take them as a bet. I
Starting point is 01:17:03 was like, I was like in discussed Masterson. I just always was like, is there ever going to be a part a day that I just get older and I don't just want to jerk off? I was like, there comes a week where you're like, I haven't jerked off in a week. God, I'm 60 now. It took. I did. I did once say, I want to see if you can not jerk off for a week. God, I'm 60 now. It took. I did. I did once say, I want to see if you can not jerk off for a week. And I did do it. And I was I was actually happy that I had the stamina to do so. No, I can't do it. But but yeah, it used to really be like, I just love
Starting point is 01:17:36 that. I loved it too much and I had to stop. OK, so the biggest problem is the hobby death spiral. Every hobby has to get monetized. Oh, I like going on walks. Now you're walking influencer. Here's my walking journey. You fucking take dick pills. Now you're now you're going on podcasts talking about how big your loads are telling everyone. Like, it's just it's
Starting point is 01:17:55 getting out of hand. And you can't really enjoy anything. So that's that's the biggest problem. Too many hobby people. Too many no and hobby influencers um Yeah, I guess that's it. I fucking hate them. Actually. I don't even know what you're talking about. You're basically influencers is your problem. No But their personality is based off a hobby, okay, let me let me get personal. I have one eye this eyes fake But I'm not like hey my person my brand is having one eye and every time I see a one-eyed person on fucking tiktok They're all look at me
Starting point is 01:18:34 And it disgusts me. Wait, there's a one-eyed community on No, it's not a community every single person who has one eye that is their entire personality I jokes Really? Yeah every single one. Hey real quick I'll try to find them and said is that really a fake? Is that really a fake? I this is a fake guy Let's see if I can I Was a dick on your shit earlier bro, come on this is just me I was just gonna say Tony for actor movies famously hate I can't show. All right, thank you. Probably not a good idea
Starting point is 01:19:14 It's probably not good. I wanted him to stab out his eye for Tony because that's Tony's favorite thing Tony there was a guy who you can stab him in the eye and nothing even happens. Think about that. There's Mr. Abstruse. How's it going? Doing an excellent job there hiding his face. How's it going, man? You really goofed that one up. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:35 How's it going, buddy? How's it going? Listen, biggest problem in the biggest problem in the universe is closeted gay men. Closeted gays won't come out of the, did I lose connection with you? Talk about how they'll never have gay sex with you. And then they just delete the message. It's very, very bad. It's a- There's a lot of that.
Starting point is 01:20:00 There's a lot of guys who don't want to admit what's going on. Unironic biggest problem is vet bills. Vet bills are the worst, dude. Yep. This fat motherfucker refuses to drink enough water. And it has resulted in me having to buy the fancy medicated cat food to keep him alive. So I'll just read all your super chats. Half your super chats end up going to keeping this cat alive because he doesn't know how to drink water. I just, I just adopted this guy.
Starting point is 01:20:29 Oh, he has an auto immune disorder, bro. That sucks. And he's going to have to have medicine like the rest of his life. Well, you know what? There are a lot of fun. Oh my God. That is a cute cat though. I know right dude. His name is George Washington of what kind of medicine does he got to take?
Starting point is 01:20:55 We took him to the vet and He they gave him some antibiotics and some steroids and we're like come back in two weeks Oh, yeah, that's not a new disorder. It doesn't get any better., come back in two weeks. Uh huh. Yeah. Has an auto-immunist order. If it doesn't get any better, just come back in two weeks. Well, I got to be honest. I feel kind of bad because this guy, the doctor's like, you have to give him this special cat food and nothing else. And I'm like, I don't think you understand how much this motherfucker likes to eat. And he's like, well, he can't have anything. But I do, man, when I get like fast food, he's like,
Starting point is 01:21:23 can I get some of them chicken nuggets? I'm like, food, he's like, can I get some of them chicken nuggets? I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sure you can have. What are you doing? I give him a tiny piece of chicken. I'll do that. He seems alright. You
Starting point is 01:21:34 can listen, dude. Listen. Everything else he eats is the medicated cat food. Go to your local grocery store and go up to like, you know, like the seafood counter and just buy a couple shrimp. It's super cheap and well the problem is they don't get enough it's they don't get enough water a lot of male cats don't know how
Starting point is 01:21:49 to drink enough water in the water in this dude yeah you can just you can just dump water on the water tray on the food tray one of these I have that yeah I got the I got that now it's a well now it's a cat stream. What are you going to do? Nobody wants a cat stream. Right, Mud? Nobody wants a cat stream. Nobody wants a cat stream.
Starting point is 01:22:16 Let's all just appreciate Mud for a little bit. How you doing, buddy? How you doing? You feeling good? Guys, get yourself a cat. Don't forget to get yourself hackamania tickets, hackamania.com use promo code biggest and, uh, you too could join the fun. Let's talk to Mike.
Starting point is 01:22:40 Hey Mike. Hey, how's it going Vito? It's going good. How you doing buddy? How's my audio? Is it alright? Yeah, it sounds good Okay, I don't feel like being on cam. So I'll just make this quick The biggest problem in the universe is pizza boxes You know what? You're right 100% They're too big. Yeah
Starting point is 01:22:59 Have you seen the pizza box that like gets can actually get cut in half or whatever? Pizza boxes are by far the most obnoxious form of packaging to get rid of. Bro, how is this not, and I guess Domino's did this. Like how is this not just whatever pizza boxes? Can I share this? So like I, um, I usually try to recycle my pizza my pizza boxes and I recently got a letter from the city saying that I'm not allowed to recycle them. So I have to throw them away.
Starting point is 01:23:31 Recycle pizza boxes? Oh, well you gotta put them in the trash trash. Yeah, but the thing is like, you can't just throw them in the trash. Like you have to fold them into like origami shapes and then fucking pin them down to the ground like you're trying to win a wrestling match. Bro, we have perforation technology.
Starting point is 01:23:48 This is what I don't get is like, it should be so easy for them to just perforate the pizza box so I can rip it in half. And look, Domino's Domino's was doing it. And then what happened? They like stopped doing it. Pizza boxes are like the cockroaches of the packaging world. Yeah. Like they're oversized. They're awkwardly shaped. They're disgusting. They're hard to get rid of.
Starting point is 01:24:12 And if you don't get rid of them immediately, you just end up with more. Look at this. You just cut out these sides right here. So you have this little strip and then it just folds over perfectly. This should be at every fucking comic every pizza place. Like Ink Cowboy is going every garbage bag, well the big box put in the bag. No the problem is when you're a lonely bachelor, Ink Cowboy probably has a big fat wife and his big fat wife eats all the pizza so he's just got to throw the box out okay. The problem is when you're a guy like me, I eat half the pizza. Then I got half a pizza left.
Starting point is 01:24:47 And then what am I going to do? I got to put it in the fridge. Well, I don't want to put a whole fucking pizza box in the fridge. I wish I could have half a pizza box. Yeah. So it's a box is voted up. And actually, before I go, there's one more thing. Last week on the show, like right toward the end of the show, you had something that you wanted to talk about.
Starting point is 01:25:04 And Dick cut you off and said to bring it up as a problem this week. Do you remember what that was? Oh man, I almost do. I want to talk about because I was listening to that and it was killing me. I was like, I gotta know what it is, but Dick was being a whiny bitch about it. So by the way, I'll go back. If you're able to go back and everyone, prayers for Dick in the chat. So by the way, I'll go back. Everyone, prayers for Dick in the chat. Guys. The only thing that's going to bring Dick back to life is your super chats. Okay. All super chats go to the Dick Masterson eardrum Memorial fund. So please make sure to do that. Uh,
Starting point is 01:25:41 and uh, we're all praying for him. Thank you, Mike. All right, take it easy, man. All right. Bye bye., man. All right. Bye bye. Here comes our good friend Alphonse who has, uh, a little buddy. I can't hear you. Animal for the animal stream. This is long John. He wants to say hello to everybody.
Starting point is 01:25:57 Hi, long John. Look at that little guy. You know what? I love the bunches right now. We really are the petto community when it comes down to it. All my favorite, all the petto's are here tonight and, uh, are killing it. I thought I did write it down, but I guess I didn't tonight to pedo stream. My friends, you bet.
Starting point is 01:26:18 Once. And you got a nice, you got a nice little mustache there too. Huh? Little fuck off. Did you purposefully wear a shirt that matches your bedspread? Do you coordinate that normally? Almost. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:34 Well, Alphonse, what is, I got a question for you. What is the biggest problem in the universe? Biggest problem in the universe is end of a long day, nothing went your way. You're coming home and it's fucking bullshit and you get home and you see some. I find your. Yeah, sure. All this bad shit's happening.
Starting point is 01:26:53 You got to pick something up and you go to pick it up and it just slips out of your hand. And it's the last thing that fucking day and you want to kill yourself. That's the biggest problem in the universe. Dropping, dropping your shit, dropping your dog. Dropping your dog. Oh, I scared Mud. I'm sorry, Mud. Mud's like, why are you being so loud? Call me a buddy. Call me a buddy.
Starting point is 01:27:14 Well, Alphonse, I want to wish you and your little critter a beautiful night. Peace. There he is. Aw. I got to get a little guy. I got to get a little thing. All right, what time is it? We're still going.
Starting point is 01:27:27 I'm gonna put the link in the chat one more time. We had, the queue has freed up a little bit, so if people wanna try and get in here, they can. But first, we're gonna talk to Damon. Hey Vito, what's up, buddy? What's going on with you, brother? Brother, it's election day here in Australia. So.
Starting point is 01:27:47 Oh, you guys are gonna take the guns away again? This is me off. You guys are gonna take the porn away again? You're gonna take away the video games again? What are the Australians getting rid of this time? We're doing a digital ID, we're banning people off social media, all sorts of things. Something's wrong with you guys.
Starting point is 01:28:05 So wrong. I like, what is it about the Australian mindset that's like, I just want to prevent everyone from doing everything? I don't know, it's safetyism. It's very, yeah, it is safetyism. It's like rampant. You guys gotta elect a different set of people.
Starting point is 01:28:22 They tried that last time. Yeah. All these greenies got in. How's your country feeling about Trump? Do they like him or they don't like him? I think some people like him and some people think he's a dickhead. I mean, your problem is your country is fucked with the shipping and the anything because you're like in the middle and you're like an island. Like anytime I got to ship anything to somebody in Australia, you guys end up paying like 30, 40 extra dollars.
Starting point is 01:28:45 I would think you would hate trying to super kill is finally ready. I'm going to have to pay another. You're going to have to pay a fortune. I had to tell. Well, I hate to tell you. It's funny. Everybody goes Vito. Why didn't, why didn't you just charge for shipping? It's not a big deal. And then every week I get a different, I either see a news story or I get a message from another creator or something. They go, Oh, man, I got fucked on shipping. I'm about to lose like $20,000 on shipping. And I'm like, Yeah, motherfucker. I know crowdfunding. I know how shipping like
Starting point is 01:29:18 everybody thinks I'm just like a spiteful asshole. No shipping will bankrupt people. I got a guy. He's like, I thought I could ship stuff to Canada and would cost the same shipping it to America, but it's extra $20 per package. And I'm like, I don't need to do should listen to veto should charge it separate. And the other cool thing about charging it separate is, you know, the people are pissed at me. And they go, I'm not I'm not paying for shipping fuck that guy I get to keep their money and I don't have to send them anything because they haven't paid for the shipping yet
Starting point is 01:29:51 You know, so everybody I've pissed off and they they're like, I'm not gonna pay them like that's awesome I get to keep their comic I'm not on the hook to send it to them because they didn't pay for shipping I get to just keep it and sell it to somebody else. It works on multiple Levels, but then you'll have too much inventory backing up and you'll need to get a warehouse. I can sell all this shit. Come on, I'm gonna be at the Comic Cons.
Starting point is 01:30:11 Actually, my taxes are all fucked up. So like right before the year ended, I had to buy all this garbage for when I go to the Comic Conventions. I buy like the big vinyl stand and the cash box and the whatever else. So we'll be at the Comic Con. It's going to be fun.
Starting point is 01:30:29 Nice. Yeah. Dayman, what's the biggest problem in the universe? Tax simps. Tax simps? Yeah. So with this election, everyone's like, oh, that's going to cost this.
Starting point is 01:30:40 And use our taxpayer money on that. Or we need more tax revenue from rich people. And I'm just like, why are we have such a hard on for collecting tax and then spending it on fucking rubbish? Yeah. People have their money and the product of their labor and fucking do with it as they will. The government in Australia especially
Starting point is 01:30:57 tries to do way too much. Yeah, other countries, see, I am blessed to be in America. I'm pissed at like, California is raising my taxes. It sucks. This, uh, this, this show is a blessing and a curse because, uh, to do the show, I have to remain in California because this is where Dick Masterson lives and this is where the studio lives. But, uh, my taxes keep going up.
Starting point is 01:31:22 My rent just went up. My rent went up another hundred dollars a month today, and I'm going to call my landlord. All right. Well, you got to come fix my bathroom door. So the bathroom door might get fixed because now I have the window of if you're going to take an extra 1200 bucks for me, you got to fix some of my shit.
Starting point is 01:31:37 But yeah, the taxes are bad. I can't imagine what it's like for you guys. You guys are already. How can Australia have taxes? You're getting fucked by the rest of the world with everything everything that gets imported there I don't know how like people bring it up. You got like albums hanging behind you. What does it cost you to buy an album? 50 bucks Australian maybe maybe up to a hundred if it's like a special edition So what do you call that? Like maybe 60 bucks? Maybe it's a blessing though, because here in America
Starting point is 01:32:03 We're just drowning in trash we don't need. In Australia, it feels like everything you own has like a purpose. We got cheap Chinese shit, too. But I'm just saying you don't have a wall of video game console. I have a mortgage and a house like I've got a room for that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. And I'm just drowning in my mortgage kind of double. You know, my my wage didn't double,
Starting point is 01:32:26 but my mortgage doubled. Well, I hope that you guys figure it out. Australia, huh? We'll at least know who won by like tonight, unlike you guys where it takes, you know, California 17 weeks to count every ballot. Well, you know, because we all, like one year I try, we steal it,
Starting point is 01:32:44 and the next year the next guys steal it. There's like a lot of stealing that has to get sorted out. You guys don't do as much of that. Yeah, there's other like shit fuckers, but not so much of the blatant steal, I guess. Yeah, well, it's fun. It's fun. Like it's kind of like a like like Election Day in America is like a holiday. It's kind of like like Halloween. You like put on costumes like a like a UPS worker or like a ballot worker, you know, and then you go you go to the polling station in your costume and everybody's wearing like
Starting point is 01:33:17 different kind. You try to like just grab some votes and like put them in the wrong box. Or like if you can grab a box of them and run out the door, you get to keep it. It's like a game we've invented. It's very fun. The shitfuckery that has been happening is two different candidates have been putting their posters in Chinese, and they're not allowed to do that. And they're just like trying to help you.
Starting point is 01:33:37 Oh, you're not allowed to make Chinese posters. Yeah. Because that'll get Chinese guys to vote for you. I guess. It has to be in English. But they like importing people hand over fist like, you know, a million people or something in the last year. We're in the gap. 25 million people here.
Starting point is 01:33:51 Hey, where else are the Chinese going to buy a property? It's their favorite thing to do. They're doing it here. I'm telling you, come to my fucking neighborhood. Actually, there's like a street fair going on. I should go check out. There's fucking outside my my house right now. The second I turn off the stream, I'm going to out there's fucking outside my my house right now the second I turn off this stream I'm gonna walk out into fucking little Tokyo
Starting point is 01:34:08 basically because they got Chinese paper lanterns hanging out and they got it's always they always got a stage and there's always a bunch of Little Chinese girls on the stage wearing those like red Costumes or whatever. They're like they're like kung fu looking things and they're going oh And then sometimes it'll be like one like Chinese man sing along with him he goes The fucking dragon comes out so that's what I'm doing tonight, I guess It's kind of fun. But every time I try to sing they tell me I don't know the lyrics and I'm not allowed to just make them up because I'll be I'll be in the audience and I'll be like this is fun and I go Chi-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Ding-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Yong-Dai-Y And then they're like, sir, you are not allowed to sing along. I don't know. There's always appropriating that culture. I like the dragon.
Starting point is 01:35:07 Why can't I also sing the dragon song? Not everybody knows every song. That's true. I'm doing my best. Thank you, Dayman. Good luck with the election. Here's my good friend and notorious comic book thief, Johnny Rocket. Hello, Johnny.
Starting point is 01:35:26 Yo, yo, yo, fuck you. My biggest problem is you, you fat piece of shit. My problem is Johnny Rocket is basically acting like Eric July. You are the Eric July. He's crying about a little hiccup. No, no, no, Indiegogo. Oh, Indiegogo, do all the money. I can't get the money the money's just gone guys it's
Starting point is 01:35:51 just gone what can I do guys Indiegogo took the money guys it's like completely out of my hands so here's the thing is Roman Eric July He like took everybody's money with PayPal and he started crying because PayPal froze the funds when you're like, bro Just talk to PayPal and like obviously they're not gonna keep the money, you know, like just sort it out But then Johnny rocket cries and cries about any go-go stole everybody's money. All the money's gone It's like bro. Just get the money. All the money's gone. It's like, bro, just get the money and give it back to people.
Starting point is 01:36:27 It's not a big deal. Johnny, go ahead. Eat shit. Johnny what? Go ahead. Oh, you're a f***. All right, well that was Johnny Rocket, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 01:36:42 Shut Up Crime has already been here. So I'm gonna give, I'll give you two seconds. No, one more. One more. The only thing I forgot to tell you on was the best thing about Super is Elliot Page rapes Rainn Wilson. Well, now I'm hooked. Thank you, sir. I'm going to check out Super with Ran Wilson. I do want to see that movie. I've heard good things.
Starting point is 01:37:03 Jax Peters is here. Hello, Jax. What's going on, man? How's it going? I like your Maddox level studio background. We have all your shipping boxes and shirts and stuff. I'm trapped in a nightmare of my own creation, Jax Peters. Look, I'm trying to get rid of all this crap. Here's what I need you guys to do.
Starting point is 01:37:23 I'm dead serious. I'm selling all this crap. Okay. Here's the link. Whatnot.com. I know I keep giving the link, but nobody is signing up. Okay. Here it is. Can I get it? Can I show it? Go to whatnot.com slash invite slash video comedy. I am going to be selling my video games. I am going to be selling my video games. I am going to be selling my child.
Starting point is 01:37:46 No, that is in a special folder and no one will ever find. Hold on. Why can I not show this? Anyway, I need this stuff gone, guys. So please buy my stuff. It is very important to me. But yes, it is true that I live in like a Maddox. Maddox had... but here's what Maddox was bad though. Maddox like... this is like stuff that has
Starting point is 01:38:12 like value. Maddox had like dumb t-shirts that no one would ever want at all. It was moronic. Like here's what I got. Look at this. I have a war of the, I got Nintendo game packs. I still have a foundations collection. You just say I'm in the veto plus not to mention the veto plus toy is currently available. I don't know what's buying the veto plus. I'm running out of veto plus toys. There are like 20 of these left and then it's done. Look 20, look 20 Vito plush toys available. That's it. You're never gonna get them again. Well don't actually buy them on whatnot. For those go to Keldoser.Industries guys don't forget that you can get the Vito plush toy from Keldoser.Industries and then I don't have to give them 10% and you also will save on shipping
Starting point is 01:39:03 if you do that. Also on Keldos and industries, don't forget about the Veto Pin Set, a set of five delightful enamel pins featuring your favorite Veto scenarios. And of course, the beloved card game, Enemy Weapon, which is only another $5 if you want a signed copy. Don't forget to get yourself a signed copy of Enemy Weapon. So that's what we're doing.
Starting point is 01:39:24 Everyone buy my shit, cause otherwise I'm gonna drown in it. It's killing me. It needs to be gone. Get it out of here. Look, what is, what do I, what is any of this? Why do I have this? Can I interrupt your showing and do my problem?
Starting point is 01:39:40 Can I do my problem right here? I've seen, I know you sell T-shirts. This is a full box of G.I. Joe trading cards. No human needs this, Jax. Do your problem. All right. All right. Well, my problem is helicopter parents. Yeah. Are you familiar with this? I am aware of the term helicopter parents. It's usually used to refer to very involved parents. Yeah. People like Kobe Bryant. He was a terrible helicopter parent. He had his kid in the helicopter and then his daughter blew up into a million pieces.
Starting point is 01:40:16 Here's Kobe Bryant ripped in half. I have to mute Jax because I don't want to steal his joke. If he does the joke, I can't steal it. Jax do the rest of the joke. That's fantastic. That's the best joke I've heard all day. I lagged out there. I don't think I'm going to do your joke. I haven't really thought about this bit. Notice how when I did this bit, I didn't say this is a great stand up.
Starting point is 01:40:39 It is a great stand up. I want you to get on stage at a comedy club and go, I'm just so tired of helicopter parents, you know, like Kobe Bryant. Done. And then walk off stage. You got it. Yeah. Yeah. That's that's good stuff. I just opened you interrogator. Is that your favorite? Is that your favorite? Am I lagging or are you lagging? I think it's I don't it must be. Okay, we're back. We're back. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:41:08 It might be me. I don't know. It's a great stand up bit. Helicopter parents. You know who else was a bad helicopter parent. You know who else was a bad helicopter parent. Uh, fuck, what's the guy? Landis. What's the name? Ah, Landis director. What's the... Brian Landis? John Landis. John Landis was a terrible... No, Vic Morrow was not the helicopter parent in that scenario.
Starting point is 01:41:42 John Landis was, I'm going to say. John Landis also murdered children with a helicopter. So nice. Okay. Yeah. It seems that would not deserve a nice, that was an incorrect response to that. Jack's you put these people on helicopters and then they burn up and get cut in half. It's that simple. Nice.
Starting point is 01:42:02 Is a fucking plane or a car use a regular mode of transportation, I agree. And I think Jax keeps breaking up. Thanks Jax. Got a little bit of a lag there, my friend. Our good friend Chuckster is here. What's up, Chuck? God damn, look at that. Look at that nice full head of hair you got there, huh?
Starting point is 01:42:21 Yeah. You motherfucker. You piece of shit. My barber tries to be doubled i get charged for it you should do you like g.i. joe trading why did i open these these are trash trash these will be given out tonight on whatnot let's do a stream maybe uh chuck what's been going on man doing well big fan of the show veto i know all this stuff happens and everything there's always drama with the
Starting point is 01:42:44 biggest problem in the universe. But hey, I'm always here. I love both you and Dick. You guys are always providing great entertainment. I'm not chronically online, so I have a normal life and I just enjoy it. I get a lot of guys. I've realized what happens is there's a certain segment of the audience who thinks it's their job to gaslight me into believing I'm crazy.
Starting point is 01:43:09 And I get it now. I get it it you're all doing shtick you're trying to make me second guess myself and everything else and I reject it I'm always right I've always been right I'm the reason people watch the show let's be clear he's there he's good he helps keep a conversation moving but it's veto file nation from here to the end of time. We all know it and we all accept it and we all love it. Of course. I mean, what's it called? You're the reason why I actually started watching Dick Masterson because of the biggest problem.
Starting point is 01:43:36 So it's like, you're the reason. So there you go. The money I give him is because of you. Well, feel free to give me some of that money. He needs the money for his shit pit and his kid. That man is having more fucking problems. And now his ears exploded. So who knows what the fuck's going on?
Starting point is 01:43:54 Somebody says, right. Submersible parents are almost as bad as helicopter parents. I understand that reference. Don't put your kids on a submarine. Chuck, do you have a biggest problem in the universe? I do. And I call it into actually, actually, unironically just non standardized sizes of shirts.
Starting point is 01:44:11 I swear it's just the biggest problem. Cause it's like you buy a shirt on Amazon, a large, okay. That's perfectly. You go to the store, the dick show, you buy a large there and holy shit, this seems so fucking tight. And then it's like, yeah, it's like, wow. It's like, why is the shirt so tight when it's a large, when this one's also large?
Starting point is 01:44:28 Like, why don't we have standardization? It's been, we've been making t-shirts since what, the 50s? No one's agreed on something? I need also, on every like shirt, you know, when you go to buy it, there needs to be like a little detail, like, is this, is this a nipple shower? You know, I want I want to know, like they should say, warning, this fabric will adhere to the exact outline of your nipple 100 percent.
Starting point is 01:44:59 And there's nothing you do about it. That should be listed as part of the shirt because I buy a shirt. I go, this is a great shirt. And I put it on and I go, this is a great shirt and I put it on and I feel like like a titty monster. I feel like I'm ready to go to the strip club. Okay. It's like I'm wearing nothing at all. It's a problem. Yeah, and it's like a white shirt. It's like a Russian
Starting point is 01:45:18 roulette on that one. It's like is it gonna be see through or is it gonna be thick enough that you won't see it? It's like, oh man, you get these guys who like try to make excuses where they go, dick shirts are tight, show off your pucks. No doughboys allowed. Guys, I hate to tell you that tonight we have seen what the average Dick Masterson biggest problem viewer looks like. Now a couple guys are looking trim, but for the most part, no, not at all. I hate to say it. There's more vetoes in the audience than Dick Masterson's and he's not a flat chested individual.
Starting point is 01:45:51 Well, I mean, Dick did say one time he was making fun of the honest when he's running. I think he was selling the 50 foot tall, 50 foot tall, like fat woman's shirt. And he's like, way too many triple XLS, you guys way too many. So we know how many fat guys are Dick fans, Dickheads. Yeah. I want to add that the niggler just ran off to do something and I wanted to catch him embarrassingly as he did so but
Starting point is 01:46:11 unfortunately I missed him. He'll be back. He's like, Oh, I gotta go get something before I get on the live stream. Yeah, let's let's fuck with him. Hello. All right, that was the thing. We'll get back to him in a second. Anyway, Chuck, you're very right. That was the negative. We'll get back to him in a second. Anyway, Chuck, you're very right. Very correct. We got to standardize these shirts. And again, yeah, you got to tell me if it's a titty twister or not. If it's a titty shower or a titty
Starting point is 01:46:36 hider, if I got to wear an undie shirt with the shirt, you got to tell me. Thanks, Chuck. Agreed. That was Chuck, everybody. That was Chuck, who I pressed the wrong button. Let me see. Alphonse. I had another problem, man. I didn't think of it before, but it is a big one. Okay. And you kind of touched on it on the show, but the downfall of Jack Black, he was so fucking funny, man. HBO, that shit was good. Even Pick of Destiny.
Starting point is 01:47:05 Tropic Thunder was the last good thing. And then, oh, you're such a piece of shit now. I think the thing with Jack Black is like, you can only do so many of those fucking family movies before your brand is just, I'm that guy who makes family movies, you know? Like even Adam Sandler occasionally switches it up and does something kind of fucked up and weird.
Starting point is 01:47:28 Jack Black is overdue for doing something fucked up and weird. Like Jack Black needs to do like one serious arthouse film and then he can come back. Yeah, somewhere he's just totally in charge and we just get the pure raw energy. It's kind of like old early 2000s, like a random humor that he likes, which might be kind of dated, but maybe the have him play like a serial killer. And that would be perfect. It's not be funny at all. Nice. Maybe he could sing a little song with he's killing a lady. That would be okay. You are writing songs and you got to get Dick working on those songs with you. I had a great I have a great you know, maybe I'll play it
Starting point is 01:48:06 because Dick refuses to listen to it. I don't know what I thought. Let's hear that song buddy. I don't know how I can play it. Let me see. I'd have to load it. I'll do it later. I have a great idea. I don't want to spoil it. I don't want to spoil it. All right. Thanks, Alphonse.
Starting point is 01:48:22 Look at this guy. Hey, guy. Hey, look at this guy over here. Hmm Sorry, I just got to wet my whistle. Thank you. How's it going? How's it going, Niggler? Uh, it could be better. Uh, I got a problem. My problem is, uh, having to defend a friend. Right? Yeah. Because like, it's, it's kind of getting hard to like be a Vita file these days.
Starting point is 01:49:00 I feel like the stocks are a little low. What, what do you have against my friend Johnny Rocket? Well, I just think he should stop stealing everybody's money on Indiegogo. You approve of that? He should just give it back. I think you should just stop grooming kids too. Well, yeah, but I can do that and he can give everybody back
Starting point is 01:49:20 their comic book money. It's not a big deal. All right. All I said was, Johnny, just get the money back from Indiegogo. It'll take you 10 seconds. Just talk to them. Send them an email. Get the money and refund it. It's not a big deal. Okay. You send them an email. What happens when they don't do anything? Well, everybody should just do a charge back on their credit card at
Starting point is 01:49:42 that point. It hasn't been three months, right? We should. Has he told everybody to do a charge back on their credit card? Now that I know. Okay. Well, that's one of those steps you could take. That's like very common sense is telling everyone, Hey, if Indiegogo has your money, here's how to file a charge back
Starting point is 01:49:59 on your credit card. All right. That's constructive. That is constructive. I agree. And you know what? I think the maniac, let's be clear, it has art by Corgan who is an excellent artist and it has writing by Johnny rocket who's been is funny like 25% of the time.
Starting point is 01:50:17 So I think that's a winning combination. You too. You do have got a little, you got a cute little rivalry thing going on. I like it. Right. Like I make tens of thousands of dollars making comic books and you make hundreds of dollars making comic books and you ban them in the discord. Who's gonna win? Who's gonna win that? Who's gonna win that?
Starting point is 01:50:39 Wait, what? That's not why I didn't do that. I bet I forget why I've been. It wasn't a ban. It bet I forget why I've been. It was it wasn't a band. It was a 24 hour timeout. Tomato potato. I mean, I thought it was pretty. It's a pretty walk.
Starting point is 01:50:54 It's cute. It's cute. It's very cute. Is he in the discord now? Probably. Is he able to talk now in the discord? I don't know. Is he able to tell everybody about the maniac? I don't know. Is he able to tell everybody about the maniac now available at fundmycomic.com? At fundmycomic.com, wow.
Starting point is 01:51:12 That's a great, who's the artist? Corgan? Corgan, yes. Corgan is an excellent artist. Here, let's take a look at the maniac real quick, guys. Fund my comic campaign. Also, he did also write the Maniac, that is correct, as people bring up,
Starting point is 01:51:28 or sorry, the Helephant, he's also the writer of Helephant. Now, I will say this about the Maniac, is that this is a digital comic project, I believe. So I'm hoping that they have success and then we'll do a physical version. But as you can see, here's the Maniac. Excellent art. My good friend Corgan.
Starting point is 01:51:47 And if you take a look, there's Joshua Moon, Nambla chapter president. We got to take we got to take that motherfucker down. And here's the worst thing you're going to learn is that the heroes of this world are being horrifically murdered. I'm sharing the wrong tab. Oh my God, what's happened here? This is horrible.
Starting point is 01:52:10 Someone needs to. And again, I had my IP stolen for this comic, and I'm very steamed about that. You know, he's stolen so much IP, he stole Naomi's IP, which is why he got taken down. But here's the thing is unlike the wicked Niobe who punished him for stealing IP, I am saying I'm okay with it.
Starting point is 01:52:31 There is Harry Liggins. Yeah. Fuck Harry Liggins. You're a benevolent creator. Benevolent. And I think either that Johnny Rockets propensity for stealing money might actually make the book better. So maybe that's just part of his brand.
Starting point is 01:52:45 Okay. Well, I guess I don't have a problem anymore. Other than a drinking problem. Am I'm sorry. Am I right guys? Eh? Alright guys, eh? When's the last time you talked to your daughter, Nicolair? I gotta go. Just a sad, sad, sad to see a man go. Sad to see that happen to one of the great supervillains of our times. He'll be back on top. He'll be back on top. LucasR is here. How's it going, Lucas? What's up? Look at the excitement. I can feel the energy. It was just a weak chug. So I'm kind of upset about it.
Starting point is 01:54:08 From him? He's going through a lot, man. That divorce is kicking his ass. Is it really that bad? I mean, there's domestic charges. He might have to do a... Women lie. Women lie. I women lie women lie I don't look I'm not saying they're 100% true but he's got a deal he's gonna figure it out you know what the guy let the guy figure it out I'm not gonna cast a
Starting point is 01:54:36 judgment on the niggler That's for God. Only God can judge? Correct. Why do we have judges? He's really gotta stop drinking. If you thought Riketa was bad, phew. Let's just say I've read the court documents for the Nagler and not good not good not good Lucas what's the biggest problem the universe?
Starting point is 01:55:14 Oh the universe I don't know but like why why are you so scared of Riley? First of all the name of the show is the biggest problem of the universe. So when you go, the universe. Okay, all right. That's retarded. It's because the name of the show. It's kind of retarded.
Starting point is 01:55:35 Yeah. Who else is retarded is Riley. Right. Why are you so scared of a retard? It's not that I'm, when you say scared, what do you mean scared? Like that's been the whole thing is it's like You were gonna pretty much fuck a show
Starting point is 01:55:51 Like a lot like where people pay money right go to things Well, I guess in my head I'm like if a guy's just gonna show up and derail the whole show the show's gonna suck Anyway, so why would I do it? I like here's the deal. I don't like I don't like doing a bad show. We've done bad episodes of this podcast. And when the episode of the podcast is bad, I go, fuck, that was a shitty episode.
Starting point is 01:56:22 I did a bad job. If I could go back in time and not do a shitty episode, I would do that So I guess good episodes though very rarely So pretty much every episode of the show is bad and I regret every one of them So that's like why would you just I Don't understand why you would just fuck over your partner, right? For a show that people pay money to go, they travel. Do you see like you for whatever reason? That's fine.
Starting point is 01:56:58 But so why are so many of these discussions about hypothetical things that never happened? Right. So you're now saying because you're saying, I can't believe you would cancel hack a mania, right? I can't believe you wouldn't go to hack a mania. That's what you're saying. Okay. So I'm going to hack a mania.
Starting point is 01:57:18 Right. But you weren't. Right. Okay. How long do you think the period of time where Vito was not going to hack a mania existed? I'm more trouble that you refer to yourself in third person. Okay There was about a 20 minute period of me checking Twitter a guy telling me I'm gonna come fuck up your podcast and make sure you have a horrible time and me going, well, then fuck it.
Starting point is 01:57:45 I'm not even going to go. And that lasted 20 minutes. And then I called Patrick Melton and he said there will be security at the show. And I said, you're right. Never mind. Let's just do the show. It's pretty good. And now I got to hear for a week, Oh, Vito is going to cancel comedy shows.
Starting point is 01:58:06 He's like, can you believe he would do that to the audience? When I had a knee-jerk reaction to a guy telling me he was going to ruin my comedy show, and I said, ah, fuck this guy, and I called 20 minutes of my life. It got immediately figured out. That's just straight though, right? Like, he's not really gonna do anything. He said he would risk he would risk an assault charge being that someone would be like, gay, and family. Oh, my god. Okay, you want to do you want to
Starting point is 01:58:36 litigate it? Okay, you're right. There was a 20 minute period where I read it something I said, I said, Fuck this guy, I only want to go and then I got over it. Have you ever had a knee jerk reaction or anything and been like upset for 20 minutes? And then I went, ah, this is not really worth losing sleep over. No, it's kind of feminine, honestly.
Starting point is 01:58:55 Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm a very feminine person. We all know that I'm a part woman. And if the surgery goes well, maybe I'll be all woman. How do you feel about that? It's pretty gay. Yeah. Kind of turns you on a little bit.
Starting point is 01:59:21 You're you're you're your head shake says no, but your eyes say yes, Lucas. Anyway, do you really even think that like Riley is capable? Of actually harming someone. In what way? Like physically, yes. Like do you think like I mean, I don't know maybe a man that's gonna happen. No, do you think when I say I'm gonna rape a woman that's gonna happen? Possible, yeah.
Starting point is 01:59:49 Okay. So, so yeah, maybe you could rape a man. I don't know. It's possible I could rape a woman. Who knows? Yeah, but that's that's a woman. It's not another man. There are a lot of men who I'm pretty sure would be easier. I don't think we're allowed to talk about this on YouTube, but I'm saying, you can't just say every man is untouchable and every woman could never
Starting point is 02:00:09 pot like it depends on the person. Yeah, but that's a man. I guess a man. You really like, do you walk around? There's different that you can be raped all the time. I mean, I see, I, every time I go to some clippers, every time I go to manholes, my favorite gay club, the look on the eyes of some of these bears is frankly startling.
Starting point is 02:00:41 Lucas, I feel like you've called into a comedy show and you don't want to roll with it. I feel like I'm setting you up for a little tit for tat and you're being very serious tonight. I would laugh if it was funny. If there was funny things being said. I got it. It's not funny. Well, welcome into the unfunniest podcast in the universe Lucas And you know what the best part about this terrible show is is that nobody has to listen to it. It's completely optional Thanks for coming by. Oh Jim. I saw you were in the back room. I'm sorry. I didn't get to you Here's my favorite thief Johnny rocket who actually I can't have on the show because he used the F-slur.
Starting point is 02:01:25 So unfortunately I can't have him on. So that's looks like we're good. That's the end of the show folks. Guys, I want to remind you once again, let's read some super chats and see what you guys said tonight on the show. Get those last-minute super chats in because we're gonna take a look. Here is the monetization. Guys, after this, what am I gonna do? I might actually kick off a whatnot stream after this. Maybe, I don't know, either that or play some video games or something. But I want to thank you guys for coming by. Guys, I do want to be serious for a second. Once again,
Starting point is 02:02:04 there's a couple things I need to tell you about. One of which is we need you guys. If you're in Vegas, you want to come hang out or if you just want to watch the show, please go to Hackamania.com. So we still have live tickets available. Use promo code BIGGEST. But I also want you guys, this is a fun event. We really want to be able to do it every year. Now I'm never going to be invited back because everybody associated with the show hates me now, which is fine because they're all low IQ, knuckle dragging morons who are still talking about stuttering John after five years. But if you would like to
Starting point is 02:02:40 watch the live footage of an actually good show, our show will be on Thursday. You'll be able to get the Hackamani streaming pass for only $30 and watch that. You can watch my show, which is good. And then, you know, there's probably a couple other good shows. Any of the shows Dick is on will be good. Any show that me and Dick are not on, it's up in the air. Okay. Because, you know, it's like they brought two funny people and then some other guys.
Starting point is 02:03:04 We also have, don't forget, get your tickets use promo code biggest. We are gonna have fun at the show. It's gonna be a good time. I like these guys. We're gonna have a good time. I just think you know, biggest problem is gonna be the biggest problem is gonna be the best part of the show. We all know that 100%. So come on by guys. I also want thoughts and prayers for Dick Masterson, who is figuring out a medical situation. It is, you know, we joke around, but it is serious and we're hoping it works out for him. So please keep him in your thoughts. I'll try not to drag down. I know this is a comedy show, I don't wanna drag it down, but it is a real situation. Last thing I was gonna say is,
Starting point is 02:03:44 let's read your super chats, which were in a window. And then I lost them. Here they are. Oh, wait. Can I? I guess that's not going to work very well. Let's see.
Starting point is 02:03:57 We don't have too many super chats. Don't worry. Diamond G for two. Vito is the Dev team for GTA six. Yeah. They push that back. See if Grand Theft Auto can get fucking delayed, Superkiller can get delayed. And that's not a problem.
Starting point is 02:04:12 I saw other guys who's comics like three years delayed. My comics only one year delayed. We're good. A strategic for two. Hey, Vietz. Yes. Flutter Dashie for two. Who's your favorite pony from MLP? I just got a Rainbow Dash card, a Rainbow Dash magic card. So I guess she's my favorite now because she's the only card
Starting point is 02:04:30 I have. Purple Paws from 50 says voodoo. Grab something random on top of that CRT TV behind you and smash it or get on a scale, please. Well, guys, here's what I'm gonna say. In the chat, you have the ability to now get an official Mother's Milk Funko Pop. We're gonna give one out tonight. Let's sign this thing. This is an official Vito Mother's Milk. I need a better, I need one of those gold pens. Let me see. So let me know in the chat if you want a mother's milk, everyone who's super chatted is entered automatically. I will pick one random person from the super chats to win a
Starting point is 02:05:14 signed mother's milk Funko pop. All right. There you go. An official Vito original Funko pop. So everyone is super chats is automatically entered. And at the end of the super chats, I will pick one of you at random. Thank you. Purple possum. A for two execute big man 69.
Starting point is 02:05:33 Day man for two. Will we get Hackamania stream on demand after? I think the stream might be posted after it's live. I'm not sure. Please check the website or talk to Patrick Melton. A for two says motherfucker is built like a wood elf. I don't know who that was in reference to. Ian Miller for 50 says booty.
Starting point is 02:05:53 Fantastic. Coup for five. Thanks for not killing yourself. Hopefully Riley doesn't steal your USB cables at Hackamania. I hope not. Bencher straight for two. Vito file or bust. Kagon pulse for two.
Starting point is 02:06:02 Vito is a British cigarette. Sarah Gardner for two said show us your kiddies Well, we saw mud tonight me for two says our IP host Kagan post of two said that dude's definitely a pedo. I don't know who was on screen when he said that Sarah Gardner for two the big problem is ASMR. I hate that shit Tarni for five some dollary Jews to grape Dayman and me 0412045 volatile Vito erratic Vito always with the indecisive takes. Let's see.
Starting point is 02:06:32 Real Smith for two says show those pills again. How come some of these super chats are not showing? I feel like I'm missing some. Let me take a look again. I just refreshed it. There it is. Let's see. Vol just refreshed it. There it is. Let's see.
Starting point is 02:06:48 Ballet tile veto. Yes. Hi, Mike. How'd you feel if you didn't eat breakfast and also cancel the Hackamania this morning? I did not cancel Hackamania. Hackamania is on. A for two. LucasR is a... I literally just failed it. I literally just failed the test. I didn't cancel Hackamania. You got me.
Starting point is 02:07:04 How would I feel if I also can't? That's a complicated one to answer. Honestly, I feel good. There's the answer. There's the correct answer. Let's see. Lucas R is a really tough guy. He's really tough. Real Smith for two. So show those pills again guys. Lock and load pills. Villain for us to PKA Mike C for two. I'm entering it so you have to send it to Australia. Chocolate Noodle getting in for a dollar. Blood Man for two says, Let's see that bathroom.
Starting point is 02:07:30 And you guys have two seconds to get in. I'm going to get a random number generator. Let's see. D20 random die. Yeah. Oh, I can just do it on this now. Okay. Let's take a look.
Starting point is 02:07:45 We're going to see who wins a mother's milk. Viet's play the video. I emailed the biggest problem in the universe. Bunny air out big plays. Let me see if I can find that. You know what pisses me off looking like Lucas are. Okay. Bunny bunny something. Like Lucas R. Okay.
Starting point is 02:08:06 Bunny bunny something. What? Bye. What? Archibald Weber. What was the name of that? Hold on. Bunny arrow. Bunny arrow.
Starting point is 02:08:17 I don't know if I have it. I don't see it in the, I do not see it in the inbox for the biggest problem. Email send it to me next week. Okay. Here's a random number generator. Present or invite. Yes. Uh, this one, right?
Starting point is 02:08:36 Yes. Okay. I'm going to roll a random die and your super chat. The number of what you super chatted is your number on the die. Lucky number two, the second person super chat tonight is the winner. And the second super chat tonight came in from Straturgery. Straturgery, you are the winner of a delightful Vito signed mother's milk.
Starting point is 02:09:07 So if you would like to email VitoGiswoldi at gmail.com and send me your address. You're a pluggy winner! What should I do? What should I do? Jane White is stealing everybody's money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money!
Starting point is 02:09:38 She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! She must give them back the money! I need you to do this. Look at all this shit. Look at all this shit. Look at all this crap. Look at all this crap.
Starting point is 02:10:03 Look at all this crap. Look at all this crap. shit I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm PlayStation controller. That's all it is! That's all it is! That's the final episode! It's a final winner! Yeah. Thanks for watching!

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