The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 1 - Pokemon Scalpers Buy the Dip

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

How late will be today? Oh! Sounds good. All right. Now I can actually look at what I'm doing here. I forgot to get my new Sean hat. I didn't have time. Oh, you don't have a Sean head hat?

No. You don't have a V-neck? You don't have a V-neck. Oh, I should have got a V-neck next time. I was going to get a hat that just says new Sean. New Sean. There's Sean heads. I don't even know.

I don't think I even have a Sean head hat. Oh, darn it. Damn it. Well. I do have a I don't think I even have a Sean head hat. Oh, darn it. Damn it. Well. I do have a V-neck. I do have a show-based V-neck. For the next one, everyone should wear a Sean merch until he shows back up. What is he?

He hasn't been without me in seven years, that guy. What is he going to do today? That guy. What is he going to do today? Every week for seven years, he has to sit there and listen to a bunch of nonsense. Nonsense. Just complete nonsense. And he has to just sit there and listen to it.

What's he going to do this week? Does he have plans or something? Is he doing something? Yeah, he's going to a Fyndom fantasy camp. Oh, that's good. You go there and you go there, they give you Disney bucks, like play money.

Yeah. And then girls make fun of your penis. Yeah, like five Disney bucks. Yeah. She'll step on one ball. Yeah. Yeah.

You want both balls. But it's so, it's, you know. Seven. It's safe. It's safe. They kill the internet. They can't,

you can't get access to real money, but you want to lose your money. He's driving. It's safe. They kill the internet. You can't get access to real money, but you want to lose your money. He's driving. He's doing Christmas vacation right now. Him and Beverly D'Angelo. Yeah. They're driving across country.

To go where? Do we know? Is it a secret? It is a secret. Or are they just going to multiple places? He's going to a law. He has a law podcast that he's working on, a legal podcast that he's working on.

His hiatus. I didn't even get these things in order. Oh, yes, I remember. I had advice. Okay, fantastic. Should we just start? I suppose so. Let's do it then.

Are you ready, Johnny? I'm fucking ready. Oh, God, the audio works. Yes. Yes. Your job is done. Your job is all done. sailing oh fuck i feel so amped up yeah welcome to dick you want to get a dick you let it you got it as a show it's a contest coming

live from mountain bubby deep in the heart of the city of baby host dick master the gay the 29th man for america's Worst Mexican 110 weeks running. Joining me for this Sean-less spectacle is Johnny the Audio Engineer. How you doing, Dick? Oh my god, weird. Weird. It's fucking weird, man. Weird. Sean is one of the most

highest paid therapists on Earth, or lowest paid priests on Earth. I just sit here every week and unload my problems into him up his ass and he has no say in it sexual auditory assault and joining me today is veto hi dick how you doing good johnny can you bump him up a tiny bit veto bump him up a tiny bit veto doesn't bring the pain immediately like me Cause I know this show's like Auditory cocaine

For people listening around the world Getting up Getting through their bullshit They should be filling their cups With New Project Brew Yeah The coffee that I sell At newprojectbrew.com

We've got a bonus episode out A special early bonus episode out That Sean recorded before he left One of the best I'm gonna to say. Is that out now? You can just do it now? Out now at

patreon.com slash the dick show. Vito, you are at where? I like giving, I like letting people get their plugs in up front. Just youtube.com slash Vito.

Oh, there you go. YouTube.com slash Vito. Okay. New project route there. I got everything out of the way. I got my big Army of the Dead review coming

Zack Snyder is back baby That is the worst title Of any Really Ever So somebody explain I saw that pop up And I thought

Oh here we go Another Army of Darkness shit You gotta be fucking Like they Stretched Bruce Campbell's face Like the Necronomicon And gave him Wrote him some worse lines

to read and we get another shit boot of the Army of Darkness but then somebody told me it was zombies and there's a casino

heist and I said that would be a better name for that movie well you thought it was the evil dead universe is what you're saying yeah

you want to call the movie zombie casino heist well it's better than Army of the Dead what does the casino heist is the is a major part of that yeah to be fair there is no real army in the movie it is it is then it's an even worse name that's being fair yeah i don't know what you would call it heist of the dead would make more sense oh yeah yeah something like that um is the did the apocalypse happen in that movie because Bitcoin went to zero? Yes.

That's what happened? Holy shit. It was Ethereum plummeted so hard that people's brains imploded. Oh, my God. I'm tired of hearing. I'm finally tired of hearing about cryptocurrency. I'm selling it all. I'm done.

I'm just going to hoard. I'm going to hoard gold like Peter Schiff. I'm going to subscribe to Peter Schiff's newsletter and just buy gold. I'm so fucking tired of hearing about cryptocurrency. That's my first problem for our biggest problem, Shiboot. But you were a crypto proponent. Not anymore. I hate it.

Are you kidding? I'm selling it all. Buy the dip. Quote, buy the dip. That's my biggest problem in the universe. Buy the dip. Hey, asshole. I already spent all my everyone already spent all their fucking money buying dips we're buying dips straight into the fucking ground at what point is it just well is there ever a time when you don't

did you find a quarter in the couch or something to put a satoshi together what what buying i understand the dip we've been dipping all the way fucking down into negative numbers fuck by that these these guys these guys who say buy the dip it's like man uh not everybody's just raking in cash by being a drifter scumbag all the time to be buying dips with fuck you just come Just come. Not every, not every bad thing that happened to you is the best day of your life. Oh, wow. 50% of my net worth

just got whacked, whacked off or jacked off the top. It's the best, this is the best opportunity of a fucking lifetime. You sound like an insane person with all the buying a dip shit.

God. Well, now's the buying a dip shit. God! Well, now's the time to take advantage. God! Could you imagine if anything else worked like that? Like baseball, you fuck up like it's let's focus on fundamentals. It's not awesome. Awesome error. Awesome error. Awesome error. The same people who do this by the way are the same people that

piss me off. These are the same people. So if you're voting up, buy the dip. Buy the dip. You're voting voting for the same people you're voting for the people who when they watch the space x rockets land back on earth and they always crash they always crash these assholes are just tripping over each other like a zombie army going well you know what it's great it's great to crash because i can learn so much from all the data. They learn so much from all that data. It's like you're acting like it's better. Just say, oh, that sucks.

Oh, it's awesome. That's awesome that that rocket blew up, but it really sucks that Bitcoin crashed. It really sucks. Boy, do I feel stupid. See how easy that is? No, Dick, this is a healthy market correction, as they say. It's healthy.

It's got to correct. Opportunity of a lifetime right now to buy the dip. Well, to be fair. You should have had a shitload. What do you mean you don't have all of your cash sitting around? What do you mean you spent it all on the last dip? What an idiot. That was my problem. What do you mean you spent it all on the last dip? What an idiot! That was my problem. What do you think about? Are you buying the dip?

I bought a little bit of the dip. With what? With what? I didn't put everything into Bitcoin, man. What did you shave off? What are you selling? Did you take all the wood in your apartment and sell it on eBay at huge rates? No, you limp in a little bit at a time and there's a pullback.

Yeah, okay. That's my biggest problem. What do you think about that? I mean, I do agree that those people sometimes are a bit annoying. Yeah. But it is sound financial advice.

I mean, here's the thing. It's not sound financial advice. You're going to say this is the biggest problem in the universe and then all these coins are going to rocketing back up and you're going to feel

like an idiot. It's not a problem at all. They were right. Don't worry. There'll be another dip coming right around the corner. And you should buy that one, too. There'll be another dip. And just keep buying them, and eventually, you get where you're going. I feel like this is a problem you've got to put

on a timeline. You've got to give it a couple of months. To buy the dip? You've got to give it about 20, 30 years to see how it pans out, and then you can decide whether or not it was a problem. I would love to just punch like a computer I don't know why that everybody chiming in today this is the fucking greatest

this is the greatest day of our lives half of our net worth was just annihilated and we can't I don't feel bad at all it feels just amazing. Okay. Do you have a problem for us, Vito?

I have a problem. It's something that you keep seeing more lately. I saw recently, you know, we've been having this Israel-Palestine thing. That's the problem, first of all. Oh, yeah. That's not the one because I'm not into it. I don't want to talk about that. These people, you don't want to talk about Israel and Palestine anymore?

We'll get into that a little bit. Some motherfucker on Reddit is like, oh, so you just like giving Israel money? Like, man, I have no control over nothing, okay? I'm just buying tips over here. You're the one. I can't go to Congress. Excuse me. My money?

Don't send it to Israel. That's not happening, okay? Oh, so what do you mean, dick? Oh, so you don't like it to Israel that's not happening okay oh so what do you mean dick oh so you don't like you don't like Islamic caliphates does that mean that you like paying taxes I'm like man

I like going outside I remember going outside now you're you're getting you're getting way too invested you're getting way too invested in a place that you shouldn't care at all about

the passion is the passion is what caused this in the first place. Okay, go ahead. Sorry. Well, for me, the thing is, yeah, it's an ongoing conflict. It's a very complicated thing. You know who probably should not weigh in on these kinds of issues

are these fucking companies who have nothing to do with any of this. You know IGN, the video game website? Yeah, we talked about that last week. What the fuck? You go to IGN, you're like, I hope that new Halo is good. I hope that new Final Fantasy is fun. You know what else is good? The Palestinians.

Their logo. They put a Palestinian flag next to the IGN logo. Yeah. Here's how you can donate to the Palestinians. If you want to donate to the people in Israel, we can't help you. Only the Palestinians are going to help out because we, for some reason, Isn't that just going to go to rockets?

If I have rockets and they're sending money to kids, I'm taking those rockets. Hamas will spend that money on something else. Whatever, I don't care. The hilarious part of that, of course, was that IGN has an Israeli branch that immediately goes on Facebook and they're like,

we don't know what the fuck's going on here. Yeah. What it really comes down to, the problem is this woke marketing with these companies. Oh, woke marketing, okay. Yeah, these companies trying to get in on these various social issues, whatever else, and you're like, why should a company be talking to me about this?

Yeah. I mean, obviously, a big one we see is always with Pride Month, everybody's got a rainbow flag and i'm like chipotle do you really care about like do you believe that any of these people like there's more damage to gay anything i mean i think it kind of discredits it when it's just hersheying up the highway yeah you know what i mean uh what do you call it you know what if you know what i'm saying johnny what's hilarious though is it's just like a huge hypocrisy from most of these places that they claim to care about this shit.

I got some of the great hypocrisies here. Do you know a company called Gilead? They're a pharmaceutical company. Yeah. Okay, so they sponsor Pride Month. They've even paid to put on or help with the New York Pride Parade. You know, they pay their money. They make the pill Truvada, which increases or reduces the risk of HIV by 90%.

Wow. What do they do with that pill? They sell it for $2,000 a month. Wow. You know. You know on AIDS. Better job. You better pay.

Now, they could, of course, help fund a generic. Yeah. Wait a minute. Just buy the dip and you'll have enough money for it. We were locked in our houses To protect fat people But gay guys You don't just get free medication for AIDS No

Why not Well that's how it goes I got locked inside for nothing People have begged them to help You know develop a generic version But of course They're not gonna do that They care about the gays

Up until you can't pay them the $2,000 For their stuff. Okay. Here's what I know you'll like in particular, and you might already know this one. You remember the fearless girl statue staring down the bowl? Oh, yeah, standing at the stock market. Yeah, isn't that beautiful? Did you know that that same fund, the State Street Global Advisors,

was sued for not promoting female executives at the same rate as male executives and ended up with a $5 million settlement to those female employees that they empowered with their wonderful statue out there. Is there a statue where the woman's just looking pleasant? What, like not staring down a bull? Like not looking like a huge bitch. A horrible little thing on her face?

Every statue is this awful scowl. Yeah. Well, that's, you know, women aren't supposed to smile because it doesn't show power. They have to be fearsome. Women are too used to smiling

for men like us. We got to hold that bang. They really hate, they really hate smiling. They really hate it. Have you been on, by the way, we got a shout out

on the female dating strategy subreddit this this week oh really if a guy you're dating is listening to any of these youtubers uh he's undateable oh really yeah you were on there yeah yeah yeah because i think i saw that list but i didn't see you on there me elon musk yeah i think you're at the top of the you're not at the top of the list let me see i'm right under darius m patricill the red man group is on there wait is that like the blue man group the communist blue man group bill burr i'm above bill burr that's pretty good patrice o'neill he's definitely on there you can't have a guy listening to

stand-up comedy this is uh this is what i call women helping women, right? Yeah. This is the blind helping the stupid. This is for real. This is a real list. Dude, it's huge. This whole female dating strategy is like training women to be malcontent, unlovable spinsters for the rest of their lives. It's really incredible. Is Joe Rogan on there? Oh, God, yes.

Really? I think he's on there twice. He's one of the biggest. See, like, everybody was saying, now they're saying he rogan on there oh god yes really he's on there twice he's one of the biggest see like everybody was see now they're saying he should be on there probably i think he's on there i don't know if he's on the actual list somehow but a lot of people i mean you see a lot of these articles they're like oh joe rogan is radicalizing these young men by telling them to eat steak and enjoy their lives and like don, don't think about getting vaccinated. Oh, what? What?

Yeah, I mean. Again, I mean, it's this whole woke culture that is just seeped into absolutely everything. Do you have any other examples? Well, I mean, I don't know how much

we want to go into it, but you remember there was the big Gillette ad, the one that really came down on men. How about the woke army ads? Oh, God. Jesus fucking Christ. Wait? Oh, God.

Jesus fucking Christ. Wait, wait, wait. The animated one with the lady? The rainbow LGBT one? Yeah. And then there's like a guy. I just kind of skimmed it. There's like a guy in a dress at some point.

Oh, I don't know that one. It looked like a Rick and Morty montage. There was like a woman, a cheerleader, and then a guy in a wedding dress. Really? I swear it's a guy. I mean, I don't know. It could be a girl. But it's a man-looking fellow, lady, in a wedding dress.

Well, did you see the two that were like, I think Ted Cruz tweeted it, where the first one's the Russian army ad, where it's just a bunch of dudes doing push-ups, being badasses. Yeah. And the American one is a lady who's like, when my two moms got married I knew I knew it was time for me

to step up and protect this country and I'm like whose story well I mean I guess it is based on one actual army person but

I love it it's clearly not representative you love that I love it we gotta get the we gotta get the woke people having as much PTSD

as possible all the woke advertising I love spend all of your money. Don't target, don't sell guys like us anything. Just let us keep buying our dips in peace. And you idiots,

you woke people. You guys consume everything. You can go to, you can go dive, you can go fight for Palestine, I guess. Let's flip script a little bit. Fuck.

Right? Can't say the other one. You could go die for oil. Yeah. You could go play grab ass and slap dick. The army stuff can stay, everything is going to stay exactly the same. It's still going to be penis games daily,

but now it'll be a whole new woke squad. Well, isn't that kind of a strategy for a lot of people on the internet is to just associate yourself with communities where you can't be marketed to like you're so toxic i think why a lot of people gravitate towards this like online nazism or whatever else is it's like it's the last punk rock of like yeah advertisers are not going to come in here and try to take our money. Like, you can't put a swastika on a Coke can. Like,

you could, but, like, any other social movement, anything that happens, I mean, look, even like Black Lives Matter,

we're talking about woke advertising. Remember when Pepsi made their whole ad trying to show Kendall Jenner at protests and whatever else? I remember that. Any social movement,

any like, you know, or like grunge in the 90s gets taken over by marketing. Punk rock gets taken over by marketing. So it gets taken over by marketing. So it's almost like you try to seek out the most extreme space you can find.

They're saying woke marketing is good because it's making these hives. It depends on what side of the thing you're on. Well, no, because now it's generating Nazis. You're talking about this show and people listening to this show. That's who you're shitting on. Without woke marketing, we wouldn't exist.

Well, the more extremist aspects, I think, if that's what's being created by this, I think that's worrisome. What do you want? Let me join QAnon

because at least they'll leave me alone. Do you want Gilead to just come out and say, do you have AIDS? Fuck you, pay me.

We won't. At least the last, at least when we fuck you, we won't give you AIDS. I want a pharmaceutical company to put pills in a bottle and sell them for whatever stupid amount of money they want to because they're assholes. I don't want them to paint a fucking rainbow flag on the bottle

and be like, oh, by the way, we love you. Thanks for the 2,000. It's all hypocritical bullshit. It's stupid. Yeah. It's a waste of my time God what if one of those Nazis Cured AIDS

I had watched it That would really be A problem Right That would fucking I just cured AIDS By the way I hate Everything you got

I refuse to take that Because that guy's A fucking online Nazi I saw this right before I came in One more thing So during Black Lives Matter Remember all these corporations Saying we're gonna give You $2 million to this foundation.

We're going to give $5 million to this. All these companies were pledging money to black organizations. An approximate $50 billion was promised by all the companies combined. Of this amount, about $250 million has actually been donated. Out of $50 billion. Less than half a percent? Yes. That's a dip. Now of Jesus. 50 billion.

Less than half a percent? Yes. That's a dip. Now it's on its way. It's on its way, they keep saying. We're getting to it. 50 billion dollars? Where does it even go, though?

It's just like blackwashing your money. There's different organizations. I don't know. Does it go to pay for college? I'm sure. Is that how you buy black carbon credits? Well, we're going to pay for college? I'm sure. Is that how you buy black carbon credits? Well, we're going to pay for a college.

So you just give money to the colleges then? Like, oh, man. I don't know. You got to buy, yeah. It's like bedazzled purses for black women, you know? Now that's...

We got to give up a couple million dollars for that. That's a good charity. Rocket packs for aspiring black engineers. I think my other problem is too close to yours, actually. Maybe I should... I was going to do pronoun resistance,

but I think it's too close to your woke thing. Pronoun, this is my only point with it. Our greatest Nazi minds are stuck in a trap of resisting everything. And it's exhausting, and it is not going to work. Because as soon as they finally weed out all the people who can't stop pointing out that the pronouns are stupid, and everyone knows they're dumb. Children know that they're fucking dumb.

You could not train an AI to think like this because it's so dumb. As soon as they do that one, they'll jump to another one. So I'm saying we all together, this is how we win, Johnny. We all together embrace the pronouns and everything else, all of the stupid crap, and the woke people will then start tripping over themselves to get to like well because remember it's their identity so they've got to have something that sets them apart from us they got to have they got to have something that sets them

apart from the totally uh actually i'm he him he him them as well uh i have to go return some video i'm talking totally patrick bait meaning them like his speech that he gives saying all the right things and washing over the country in a wave of pronoun not even acceptance or tolerance encouragement

absolutely I totally understand showing understanding dominance over these weak-minded people is the only way to go over it. Because they are going to be triggered into coming up with more and more insane things. More and more insane things. And then you'll put them on their heels. Because right now, we're on our heels as fuck.

Right? Everybody on our side is explaining to each other daily shit that we already know. How many times have we, how many times do you see every day somebody explaining that a man is better than a woman at sports? Like, there's never a reason to have explained that in the first place. But you're saying we should cede ground on that? Everything. Absolutely. There should be only trans in women's sports.

Absolutely, there are women, of course! I fuck five a day! But are you saying, what is the end goal? That they see that they were wrong? You put them on their heels. This is a boxing... I don't understand. This is a box...

How can I put it in Pokemon or something? So you'll understand. So then what, they gotta come up with more crazy shit? It's like you put, yes! Then they're starting to panic. It's like, uh- more crazy shit like you put yes then they're starting to panic like uh oh they're starting to panic they're starting to panic

well it's like what I do at work I have this co-worker that was extremely just terrible behavior but uh I would always encourage it

and so it would get worse and worse and worse and then when we would get around other people he would be on the worst behavior he'd ever been on

exactly and now he looks like this fucking insane asshole out of nowhere And then when we would get around other people, he would be on the worst behavior he'd ever been on. And now he looks like this fucking insane asshole out of nowhere. But all I did was speed the progression up. But that's what I'm saying. Is the end game that they look insane? The end game is they buy their own plane tickets to go to Palestine and jump in front of Israel's rockets. That's the absolutely free Palestine. I'm donating fucking $100.

Like, oh, me too. Me too. You're always lying. Always fucking lying. Okay. Always. Not even, not sarcastically either. Okay, check it out.

I'm he, him. No, I am. I fucking am. He, him today. Ask me again tomorrow. Yep. What do you think of that? Pronoun resistance.

Biggest problem is the only way we can get out of this hell that we live in. Doesn't that just deep? Don't we get deeper into the hell? Yes. We got to dig up a stupid. So when all the athletes are transgender, have we won at that point? Is that a win? No, no, no, no, no. Everyone's an athlete.

You're not thinking fourth dimensional, Marty. Everyone is an athlete. Okay. It doesn't matter if you're playing sports or not. You are a professional athlete. When I'm getting forced into the forced homosexuality conversion camps. I'm running it. I'm running the camp.

Welcome. Is that a win is that a w yes okay that's a win don't worry because i'll give you a little wink no okay as long as we're having fun in the camps uh okay what else you got well mine i didn't want to do that problem though maybe i won't go ahead well you kind of did it i think i was say, I don't know if you've seen it. Great plan. What's been going on? Are you a big fan? Yeah.

My pronouns are whatever you need them to be. No, no, no. You got to do it seriously. Okay. Can't fuck, see? Fucking around already. You are going to the gay camp. Yeah.

All right, I'm he, him. But you are she, him. Because you're a woman. I am a woman. You are a woman. See, I'm already kind of doing the thing that you're claiming exactly

exactly I do do it straight faced I am a woman it's not a joke do you get a driver's do you get an insurance discount

no you can't do that in California so what do you get well Biden right now has said that women are first in line

for any business assistance. That's great. Women and people of color. So if you're a small business owner in California, know that you can go to the DMV and fill out one form and become a woman and jump the line. Wait, that reminds me. I brought this thing in.

It was a Jim Henson ad, a Jim Henson job ad. Currently seeking. This is Jim Henson, right? Yeah. You remember Jim Henson ad, a Jim Henson job ad. Currently seeking. This is Jim Henson, right? Yeah. You remember Jim Henson? Yeah, he's dead. White guy. Yeah, right?

Definitely a white guy. This is what they put in bold at the top of their looking for top talent and new creative voices from diverse communities. Currently seeking, okay? creative voices from diverse communities currently seeking, okay? Members of the Ligabitica community, plus, Ligabitica plus community. So you're gay. We're looking for you if you're gay.

People of color. If you're not gay, you better be black. Women of all cultural backgrounds. So if you're not black, if you're not gay So if you're not black, if you're not gay, and you're not black, you were then white women, then that's okay.

Because people of colors already, all the women that aren't white, right? Right. So then it's just flat out white. Okay, then white women. So this is just a filter, like a step-by-step, like the fucking Panama Canal that just says no white men. No straight white men.

No, yes. No straight white men. It's true. Why do you need three bullet points when you could just say people who will not be considered straight white men? Everyone else, we want you. It's so transparent. They had to go through and order it. You could be gay.

Anybody who's gay. Okay, then you could be black or whatever. And then you could be a white woman. The white woman one really stings me. Because I'm like, you bitches. Women of all cultural backgrounds. All cultural backgrounds. Except they already did people of color.

So that includes everybody who's not white. So the last one is just white women. Just to say white women, right? Yeah. But they can't people of color. So that includes everybody who's not white. So the last one is just white women. Just to say white women, right? Yeah. But they can't say white women. It's got to be women of all cultural backgrounds. Women of all cultural backgrounds who are not included in women who are not white above. It's like this really upsets me and I just don't know what to do about it, you know?

Embrace it. I don't know what to do about it, you know? Embrace it. No, I don't know if that's, I mean, I embrace the absurdity of it and go, well, you know what,

if you're going to cut all white guys out of every industry, then, hey, I'm on YouTube, you got your own podcast, we'll just take money

directly from the audience and make it work. But it's a tragedy. I mean, I think of like how many other creative people can exactly do exactly what we're doing.

Yeah. But should be writing for these shows or being a fucking put his hand up Kermit the Frog's ass. I'm sure there's a lot of white guys who would be really good at putting their hand up Kermit the Frog's ass. And they'll never get the chance. Like Jim Henson. Like Jim Henson. Can't apply. For the love of God.

Okay. What was your next? What's your next problem? My next one was Dick. Oh, for the love of God. Okay, what was your next, what's your next problem? Well, my next one was, Dick, I know you're a big fan of children's media, and perhaps one of the most beloved children's franchises of all time is Pokemon. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. So my problem, however, is those who are ruining the Pokemon experience for everyone else. Oh, no. The Pokemon scalpers, Dick. Have you seen these gentlemen? No, like selling cards? Selling cards, but not doing it in a very ethical way.

Now, right now. Scalping. Yes. Right now, Pokemon cards, the card community, it's exploded. I don't know if you've seen that. Logan Paul spent $2 million on six unopened boxes of Pokemon cards. You're talking about Pokemon cards? Yeah.

The old boxes or new ones? The old boxes. Are you fucking serious? Six of the original boxes he paid $2 million and he actually opened one of them on stream auctioning off each of the packs. The packs sold for $40,000 a piece on average for a total

of $1.4 million. Selling one box of 36 packs. Like first editions or just regular? First edition. The first edition box, which were pretty hard to find. Even when I was trying to get the cards back in the day, you never saw them, but still pretty crazy. I gave all my Pokemon cards to my nephews. It was rough watching them just like dump them out

and putting them in binders. Like, buddy, you're supposed to play. Don't put them in binders. Don't put the energy them in binders like we're buddy you you're supposed to play don't put them in don't put them in binders don't put the energy cards in binders put them in a box god damn it they were putting energy cards in binders yeah what a bunch of fools okay bunch of rubes a couple of price points here x rapper logic bought a first edition charizard for000. But that did not match a first edition Charizard that was sold in March for $311,000. Which problem with people

buying, selling Pokemon cards? Well, the problem becomes that this is supposed to be... Don't worry, they buy the fucking dip. Buy the fucking dip. No, of course collectors can buy the old cards, but kids want the current cards

that are coming out now. But unfortunately... Fuck kids. Fuck them kids. Hey, hey. These kids deserve to enjoy the same product that we enjoyed as children.

I don't know if you saw that McDonald's had Pokemon cards in the Happy Meals about two months ago. Yeah. Unfortunately, scalpers showed up

and were buying hundreds of Happy Meals just to make sure no children could have the packs. Employees were stealing the cases of cards from work. They were gone within hours. Right now on eBay you can buy a case

of the McDonald's Pokemon cards for 500 bucks a case. Right. Children are not allowed to have fun. Okay. And that's what makes you upset? Well, hold on. Because you love, you need to butter children up for your... It's grown men. Look, I understand the free market, but I'm sure that you grown

men could figure out a better way to make money than buying and selling Pokemon cards because it's gotten so bad now. I don't know if you go to Target on certain days, Walmart on certain days, there is a line out the door of people waiting for Pokemon product to be restocked. Yes, I've seen it myself,

which has led to physical altercations. At one Target, a 35-year-old male victim was physically assaulted by four males ranging in age from 23 to 35 as he exited the store trying to steal his Pokemon cards.

Target has now banned the sale of Pokemon cards from their stores. You cannot even, children everywhere are denied the ability to buy a Pikachu because these fucking idiots

who like can't just buy stocks or figure out any other fucking means of employment need to purchase every single fucking pack of Pokemon cards to sell online. So kids are now asked out

of Pokemon. Yeah. It's not for kids anymore. It's for, I got a video for you. How much did those guys weigh? They got in a big fight outside of Target for Pokemon. Well,

we're going to take a look at some of them. Go to Rush for Pokemon cards there. Link on Twitter. You're going to see firsthand. This is what the people are acting like trying to get these cards. The Walmart doors open. Got this video. Men in shopping carts.

Okay, hold up. Let me, let me figure out how to get these cards. The Walmart door is open. Got this video. Men in shopping carts. Okay, hold up. Let me make this bigger. Yeah, why don't you figure out how to get it in there. And you care about this because you're a Pokemaster or something. No, I'm actually not.

I don't actually care about Pokemon cards. I mean, I have some from when I was a kid. I just think grown men could figure out better ways to get money than ruining a children's hobby.

I feel like there's other ways to make cash. You could just like leave it alone. If you want to flip shit, just flip sneakers or whatever the fuck else. This is like trans men in women's sports. Can't you just leave? I know that you've got a lot more money than the kids.

And you would not put energy cards in binders. Can't you just let the kids have it? It's the same. Yeah. It's the same. Okay, now you've sold me. You have an advantage as a man with a bunch of money and binders. Can you just let the kids have it? It is the same. Yeah. It's the same. Okay, now you've sold me. You have an advantage as a man with a bunch of money

and whatever else, but maybe just let them have this one thing. Maybe a car. You don't got to go to school. You can wait outside the Target as it opens. Wait outside the Walmart.

Yeah. You know, this kid gets out of elementary school, tries to get some Pokemon cards, and this is what he finds. You've had more time. You've had more experience bullying your mother into

taking you to Target as a grown man who's buying Pokemon cards than a child, right? Exactly. Yeah, okay, here we go. Let's watch it. Lures are opening. Oh my god. The shoppers are entering. Grown white men, mostly white. That guy has a brace on his knee

like a softball. Oh, running. The stampede is off. Through the Walmart. Through Walmart. Now watch the mad panic. Get those cards, boys. They are now shoveling

handfuls of Pokemon cards into their shopping cart. This is disgusting. There's guys in the back who are just giving up already. They can't get anything. Oh, so female dating strategy, can't listen to my show, but you can run in

and dive all over Pokemon cards? Target has banned Pokemon cards. Walmart has not yet followed suit, but we will see if perhaps. Okay, so we've got, everybody, you can vote on these. Probably I'll put it on Patreon or something, I don't know.

What was it? Buy the dip. Woke marketing. Woke marketing. Pronoun resistance. Pronoun resistance, which I still do not understand and people should vote it down. I'm playing the game. You're too good at this. I'm playing the game. And something with Pokemon. Pokemon

scalpers. Pokemon scalpers. Okay. Gotta catch them all. Let me see. Let me see what else I brought in here like a normal show here today knitted pink oh here's children's mental health this is this is off the record so vote without learning about this one uh this is a children's mental health graph over the pandemic uh children's mental health a whatever emergency admissions for under 18s with psychiatric conditions uh if you're listening to this it was at a thousand on april of 2020 and now it's in october it's 2500 so there's been a 150% increase.

Is that math right? Is that the UK? It looks like Sky News. Yeah, of kids getting checked, under 18, getting checked into the hospital for psychiatric conditions. Here is- You know what? That directly coincides with the lack of Pokemon cards on the market.

I believe you. Here is why. This picture, I think, of this little boy is as good as the assassination of that Vietnamese spy. That picture where they've got the gun right up against his head and he's blowing it out, right? You're like, wow, that guy, I really feel that. This is worse than that picture.

This deserves a Pulitzer. Is he social distancing? Are they waiting in line for school? These are kids going to school, and you see this chick, they're all six feet apart, lined up. The girl is kind of, the girl's wearing Crocs. Every little detail in this picture

is a is a is a universe of rage uh and then there's this little this poor little boy in the very front who's

um being focused on let me pull it up here yeah there you go so everybody can see on the video oh there we go you've got this

poor little boy uh with his disheveled hair wearing a fruity little mask that his mom probably got for him that he didn't get to pick it doesn't have any kind of uh doesn't have any kind of ip on it yeah it doesn't have a paw patrol glaring into the camera like he's his mind is a school shooting that's looking for that term. That it hasn't felt like he's got the emotion of a mass shooting, but he hasn't identified

it yet. He hasn't seen it yet to identify what that emotion is, right? Raw, primordial revengeance and rage in his eyes and helplessness, complete helplessness. And then in the back, one of the school officers

who's got her mask that matches her fucking uniform, by the way, carrying all the weight of an omnipresent authoritarian government with her hands coquettishly on her gun belt, smiling, sure of her complete authority and position over this boy. And there is nothing, this is the most powerful picture I think I have ever seen to sum up what is going to be

a torrential, a deluge of riotous mayhem and anger that this little boy is going to unleash. And little boys like him. And little boys like him. Yeah. Maybe a couple girls in, I don't know, 10, 20 years. You think all these kids are going to snap is what you're saying. I think they're, snap is their life.

Totalitarian society type scenario. This is the army of pronoun acceptors that I could train to lie all day, every day. What do you think about this picture? Is that a school safety officer or like an actual cop? Aren't they the same? I don't know.

I think they're imbued with the power. My school didn't have cops. Is that a thing now? Oh, yeah. Does every school just have cops in it? Yeah, every school has a cop. My school didn't have cops is that a thing now oh yeah does every school just have cops in it yeah every school has a cop my school did not have a cop did you have a lot of crime yeah oh well i don't know that explains that i was again i was from a pretty progressive town i think if you tried to put a cop in there you would have gotten trouble uh yeah it's horrifying okay here's i got another thing that makes me a rage if i was a kid and i had to deal with this covet stuff i would just uh i don't know yeah i'd probably kill some people

oh well i disavow that in minecraft in my i assume that you mean in my build a bomb under the bleachers in minecraft let me see here race space didn't get a lot of bullshit and we can do some comments oh man maybe I'll bring this one in next week you should look up I do have to rewatch that animated gay mom

army ad it's a good one it's horrifying because it's very weird they finally figured out that they could take over the army

like they took over the woke people schools yeah like they took over academia like hey we can put we got we got people who need welfare too uh who are looking for adventure and who hate their parents a little more than your guys that's true so we're gonna juice them up on a bunch of fucking

steven universe looking cartoons and send them off to the drone factory god they should make some uh some of those fancy kid cartoons that just tells you, yeah, and then go to another country and kill people in the name of the rainbow. No, you dive in front of missiles. Yeah. Palestine needs an Iron Dome. Powered by American wokers.

Right. We'll call them. Let's see here. Hey, Dick. Prejortek. Hot tub Twitch streamer demonetized. This thought amaranth on Twitch got demonetized this week. She's one of these hot tub streamers.

I figured you might have a funny take on this. Go fuck yourself. Did you know they have hot tub streamers? Yes. I've actually been talking about this with a lot of people. What have you been saying about it? Oh, I just had a buddy out of nowhere. He's like, have you heard about these hot tub streamers?

I don't know. Normies are like, I'm heard about these hot tub strips? I don't know. Like normies are like, I'm confused. What's the deal? Confused in her hours. Well, cause they're like, is that not allowed?

Like, are you allowed to be in a bikini on Twitch? Twitch is a weird platform. It's like very Puritan sometimes. I love watching Amazon. Like you're Amazon, right? It's just the world.

The world is just so befouled with women and their promiscuity and their their craving and their greed at any cost their lust their lust for money and their gold digging

do you know what I mean like Amazon sure Amazon decides to say hey we're gonna have a nice little gaming platform if you game you can play games on it

talk to some guys for kids to have fun like video games kids can have fun and here come women gaming platform. If you game, you could play games on it. Talk to kids and guys. Talk to some guys. Like video games. Kids can have fun. And here come women. Hey, look at me. I'm doing it

with my tits out. I'm like, okay, well, you can't put your tits out. I'm like, oh, well, I'm body painting.

What do you think about this? I have paint on my thing. Bitch, well, you can't do that. All right, well, I'm getting in a hot tub now.

How's that for erotic humping an inflatable you know gay or something shit humping and stuff they were like on like some inflatable toys

like kind of like gyrating or something like a strip club yeah it was definitely like you know what you're doing at that point

yeah but what do you do shouldn't they just have like an 18 plus twitch at that point cause just ban women you have

there's no there's no dealing with them no matter what no matter what you you understand billions of Muslims

wake up every day trying to figure out how to keep them in line then they have to dedicate their entire government to it cause they're so

fucking tricksy yeah they'll keep trying to get behind the wheel of a car no matter. It's very hard. Because they're so fucking tricksy. They'll keep trying to get behind the wheel of a car no matter how much you try to keep them. Because they're going to go to the horse factory to store. Try to own land. Who knows what they're going to build on it. Not okay. Dick sucking factory. Obsessed with trains.

Elon Musk loans. Hey, Dick. Sure is odd how an electric car company CEO is worried about crypto's effects on the environment when the electric car batteries are worse for the environment than normal engines, isn't it? See, that's the kind of stuff that we're just wasting fucking time pointing out. He knows that. Everybody knows that. Never once needed to be explained.

Yeah, it is kind of weird. I love that Elon Musk is getting blamed for all this by idiots too. You know? Yeah. It's his fault. It is his fault. No, it's not. It was going to happen.

Okay. Brask, lowering your refractory period. Just by the dip though. What time is it? 1248. Lowering your refractory period. My friend, a patron of yours, mentioned you were interested in lowering your refractory period.

I'm sure it's partially a joke, but you should check this thing out. It's called Cabergoline-Dostinex-Casabur. It was originally made to treat Parkinson's and some stuff for women, but it can give men multiple orgasms in a short period of time with virtually no side effects. Might not be parable with liquor, but they say that about everything.

This is a drug. How short a period of time? Immediately. How short do you need? How short would you want? Well, I'm saying like, is it like, like 30 seconds?

Like what? Would that be good? Would you try it if it was 30 seconds? Yeah, absolutely I would. Seconds? If I could have an orgasm and then 30 seconds later have another orgasm?

Yeah. Why would I not do that? I don't know. You want to try it out? You want to get some of this stuff? Is it like over the counter? How do I get it? I don't know.

Probably. I'm worried that it's going to break the fucking thing. Break your dick? Yeah. And then we'll never have another orgasm. Never have your dick again?

I think maybe God's up there and he's like, I've made it so if you have two within 15 seconds of each other then you never have another one. Never have your dick again. I think maybe God's up there and he's like, I've made it so if you have two within 15 seconds of each other then you never get another one. I don't know. I'm down to try this thing out. Johnny, what about you? Fuck it. Why not? What is it meant for? Parkinson's? Yeah, Parkinson's.

So it's pulling double duty at that point. That's great. Yeah, maybe we get some Parkinson's. Protect my brain and then I get a couple orgasms out of it. Yeah, we'll check that out, buddy. Sun beers. Small rage. Dear Dick, I have a small rage today. my brain and then i get a couple orgasms out of it uh yeah we'll check that out buddy sun beers small rage dear dick i have a small rage today i think some listeners may be able to relate to that is women answering unfamiliar phone calls by just saying speaking do they do that see what i

mean i don't call women smart they call me. Not all women, but some. I'm sure you know the sassy and gently cunty tone I'm referring to. It's like being greeted by a knife, scraping a dinner plate. My day did not need a sprinkle of your quasi-Karen spice, but here we are. When was the last time anyone experienced a phone call where the caller didn't reveal who they were and why they were calling within six seconds of the conversation starting? Be normal and ask, hey, who is this? What uh what a difference thanks and have a good rest you're saying that people women pick up the phone and just go speaking yeah i'm confused i have not

encountered this god yeah time to do some cold calls and uh test it yeah let's call some chicks up uh um hey dick i don't i design don't drink and drive billboards this is why they suck devil's stepchild I've been a have you seen those? Not a while I'm kind of picturing

one in my head though don't they have that big stop sign on them or something? Yeah it says don't don't drink in case you didn't know

unless you're vaccinated then you can have a couple beers but other than that no you know what I saw that I Right. But other than that, no. You know what I saw that I wanted to bring in here? That reminds me.

I saw an article. Let me get it. Yeah, here we go. On Bloomberg. What happens when incentives aren't enough to vaccinate people? Let me get that. Hold on. we start building the vaccine guns we let the doctors loose on the streets yeah if you see someone walking and they don't have the vaccination helmet on you're allowed to open fire and fire what happens when vaccine incentives aren't enough

right so this is this is written from the position of we've just been flooding these idiots with incentives to get vaccinated. Like donuts and french fries. Well. The incentives suck. Is that where you're stopping? We've spent. I mean, we gave companies trillions of dollars in free money to get them to keep people hired for as long, even though we kind of knew they didn't give any money to the employees. Like the companies that couldn't stick around just folded immediately.

And the companies that could survive not only dicked their employees over by either removing raises they were supposed to get or cutting them by like 10% or 25% and they pocketed additionally those PPP loans. That's an incentive. Hey, can you keep your employees hired? We're going to give you money to keep paying them. Meanwhile, getting vaccinated, you get

a Krispy Kreme. How about that, Fatso? Is that good enough to get vaccinated? Wellreme. How do you, how about that, Fatso? Is that good enough to get vaccinated? Well, we tried everything. What if it's, what if it's not enough? What if all these

amazing incentives are not enough? I guess it's time to start forcing all you idiots. We can't possibly, what do you want? Two donuts every day? Can I get a PlayStation

or something? I'd do that. It's just insane. Tripping over themselves to make it mandatory. You don't even have to get the vaccination for the donut, by the way.

Oh, you don't? Well, I have a buddy who he just prints up fake vaccination cards. Don't say that. FBI will be all over in Minecraft. I hope that he prints them up

in Minecraft. He makes videos where all he does is go to Krispy Kreme with fake vaccination cards to get a free donut. What, do they stamp them? I don't know, man.

Why does he have different ones? He's a weird dude. I lost mine. I think you did they stamp them? I don't know, man. Why does he have a different one? He's a weird dude. I lost mine. I think you would like his particular... I don't... Is it M. Girl? Mr. Girl?

No, it's not Mr. Girl. What did he do? He did another song where he's like a double pedophile or something? Yeah, something. I don't even know. It was kind of like a weird...

You saw he's like viral on TikTok though. I know. He made it... Because one of the lines he's talking about like creeping through Minecraft preying on children and ended up getting like a million tiktok views and all the the

minecraft that's what happened yeah on tiktok so you can take the audio from someone else's video and just make your own video on top of it no so if you have like a funny stupid song you just post like 30 seconds of it and then kids make videos with your song do you don't need pokemon cards yeah there's two they got tiktoks they'll make all their money on their tiktok account like 30 seconds of it and then kids make videos with your song. They don't need Pokemon cards. Yeah, they got TikToks. They'll make all their money on their TikTok account. I would love

even one incentive besides stuff I can't do. Well, that's going to be the incentive. Would you like to travel ever again in your life? That's not an incentive. Like,

you guys haven't tried one incentive, even one. Like, just get one hot girl to take her top off on TV, and I'll do it. But then how do they prevent the unvaccinated from seeing the girl? I think I send special vaccination 3D glasses to my house so only I can see the naked girl.

It's an incentive. It doesn't have to be like, you don't always have to punish people. No, no, no, no, no. It's not an incentive if everybody gets it to be like you're not always everybody gets it no no no it's not an incentive if everybody gets it because it's a liberal mindset you can't you just can't take people getting you can't take other people getting stuff how is a lady being naked on tv an incentive to get a vaccine i mean something it's something but you get it either way is what i'm saying you haven't told me yeah i would get it i would get it you would get it just out of respect for what you've been given here yeah honestly yeah you're gonna put a naked we're gonna a woman's gonna take her top off on nbc and then afterwards you all have to get

a 30 and then afterwards you all have to go get a vaccine to show us before when if you get a vaccine i would go today and get it. Just because, can you imagine? If 75% of America gets it. People would get fired immediately. If you're like, yeah, all right, I'm getting it. Fair enough. What would it take for you to get vaccinated? I got the first shot.

Of course you did. Did you cheat your way up the line? No. They're just giving them out now. Oh. Okay, I've been a professional graphic designer for over 20 years, and I've designed hundreds of don't drink and drive billboards over the years. The State Department of Transportation pays a lot for them,

and other ones are paid for by NHTSA. What is that? National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. Most of the lame ones are put up by NHTSA because they focus group them to death and wash out all of the originality and creativity. Hmm. Just like Chris Rock says, right?

Yep. As far as the state ones go, they usually put out an RFP to hire an agency record, then they sign a contract, blah, blah, blah. They have no clue how to speak to their target audience. You get stupid. But the agencies that are hired within the state have the highest chance of hitting their mark

with creating a great concept for a don't drink and drive billboard. However, the following usually happens. The Department of Transportation hires an agency, spends millions of dollars with that agency to develop unique and targeted concepts. The concepts are then sent to the state for approval. And then they hum and honk. Okay, it's like Mad Men stuff.

My nephew and friends think this is funny. So they're wasting our money developing ad campaigns that they don't use? Yeah. Well, that explains it. That's the government for you.

It's the government for you. I wish they'll get you a free donut. Quarterly yours. Thanks for not killing us. Okay, Maiden. Left my lady of 16 years. Thanks, Dick's show.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 16 years. And I want to thank you for your help. Girlfriend not killing us. Okay, Maiden, left my lady of 16 years. Thanks, Dick's show. I broke up with my girlfriend of 16 years. And I want to thank you for your help. Girlfriend of 16 years, wow. Yeah. Never locked it down. You know, I saw Cernovich

recently say, we have to like, end normalizing dating for six months. Like, you either know, you either get married by then or you don't. I'm like,

what the... Yeah, wait, why? What are you doing? What are you doing to me? What are you doing to us? It's not like the 1910s where you gotta start pumping out kids

to survive the coming storm. Just like, chill the... Shut the fuck up with that. Put it... I understand that you have daughters now,

but... We need more farmhands, dick. You gotta marry a girl and start pumping those kids out. Oh, God. Who's going to bring in the harvest? You know, within six months. Like, oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure.

Your advice to others and your attitude have been a great inspiration. It's a... You don't get married at all. It's a business. What happened to the... It's a business contract. Did you trad idiots like get all excited

about getting your dicks wet and being called daddy by more than one woman at a time? The second being your daughter that you forgot the business part of this. Like it's that,

it's the dumbest. Do you remember that? We had a nice little phase, a sweet spot in the nineties where men all got together and said, marriage is insane. It's an dumbest. Do you remember that? We had a nice little phase, a sweet spot in the 90s, where men all got together and said, marriage is insane. It's an insane business. It's an insane business contract that you would never enter into, into any other situation,

especially with a notoriously belligerent and neurotic partner in any other business. If someone came to you and they're like, I want to start a business. Also, I cry all the time. I cry every day. And can't get anything. Yeah. You'd be like, I don't know if this is the best.

Maybe we can bring you on as a contractor. I don't know. And I have, and my opinions on pornography change by the day. Wow. No, thanks. Yeah. No thanks. Yeah. Corporate, yeah.

I don't need to sign anything I don't need to sign anything today. Okay. It's a bad business. We had that though in the 90s. Some guys still have that. I have that.

I would never get married unless there was a gun to my head. I can't imagine. Either that or I'm getting an iron I don't prenups aren't a gun to my head. I can't imagine. Either that or I'm getting an iron. Prenups aren't even ironclad anymore. You can't even get an ironclad prenup. No, you can't. The judge will overrule you

and he'll say, you coerced her, you evil man. How dare you? Your advice to others. How dare you let a woman make a decision on a business contract? You know they can't handle that. Yeah.

Yeah. Your advice to others and your attitude have been a great inspiration to me during a time when I was being controlled by an overbearing, controlling, abusive that. Yeah. Yeah. Your advice to others and your attitude have been a great inspiration to me during a time when I was being controlled by an overbearing, controlling,

abusive psychopath. Hmm. Interesting. This all happened last month. My ex has this issue where she has to repeat everything you've done wrong about nine times

and then continue to add everything else you've done wrong in the last year. Oh, um... Oh, she does? Your ex has that. Early spring, I walked away from an argument

as I've been prone to do lately. And she decided to blow up my phone with over 200 texts over the next 12 hours. Wow, wow, wee, wow. Yikes. All of which I ignored. I came back to the house

and all of my clothes were thrown to the bottom of the staircase. Have you ever been in a situation like that with your clothes on the lawn? Nope. I haven't had that situation

but I did have a friend who's like, we gotta go to Target to buy some clothes because my girlfriend cut them all up with a knife. And I was like,

maybe you should maybe break up with her or something. He's like, let's get the clothes and then we'll talk about it. And she's sitting there at the time.

Like, because that's a lot of work. Yeah, well as he gets in my car, yeah. What is she listening while she's like, let's get the clothes and then we'll talk about it. And she's sitting there at the time. Like, because that's a lot of work. Yeah, well, as he gets in my car, yeah. What is she listening while she's doing, does she stop after one and go like, all right, this is kind of, they never do. No, they go the whole way through, every single piece. I left that day and over the next month,

I stayed with my family while we decided to work things out. Oh my God. So come mid-April, I'm back at home trying to slowly patch things together while juggling work and a massive market garden slash farm. On top of this, my phone has been her issue with me

since I started listening to your and Ralph's podcasts. Oh. Oh, there you go. That fucking subreddit was right. She said my attitude has changed and I'm more impatient while I chalk it up

to her severe alcohol abuse and constant COVID conspiracy talk. I don't have time to listen to bullshit stories all day. She drinks and blacks out, screams about the things that aren't being done for her, threatens to kill herself, scratches up her wrists and forearms. I recorded her screaming at me for over 10 minutes

and have hundreds of drunks texts from her. Oh my goodness. Jesus. All this time you could be playing video games and buying, scalping Pokemon cards. Yeah, scalping Pokemon cards. You could have bought the dip. Could have bought the dip.

Here's the clincher, apparently. I started talking to an old friend from college almost every day, a woman, and as platonic as it is, I don't believe you, I neglected to mention it to my ex because she already blames me for fucking everything that moves,

even though we haven't been sexual for almost two years. What the fuck? That's not even a relationship. Yeah, what are you guys doing at this point? What are you getting out of this? And she needed to be blackout drunk for the last 10.

I've also never cheated or even came close, but she's talked many times while drunk about wanting to be with other men, as well as talking about fucking our roommate to me and him. Oh my God. She has her own... She started taking pictures of myself.

This is getting really hard to listen to. This is like... Oh, 16 years. This is really hitting me. Oh my God. I agree that I should have told her about my friend right away. Never concede to a woman. Come on.

But it wasn't a secret because I wasn't hiding my phone. I had nothing to hide. So I let her read everything in my phone. Big mistake. There was nothing more than run-of-the-mill convo. Again, I don't believe you. But she couldn't believe I talked to someone over text every day. And then I didn't do that with her.

Okay. She tried to take... We have a house, a dog, three cats, and a goat. No kids or joint accounts. We aren't married. She's on disability. That sounds like he escaped

without being locked into anything. She's 5'2", 100 pounds. Okay. And has 36 C-cups. Well, that explains it all then. Thanks for listening, boys.

Go fuck yourselves. Smooches for Sean. I skipped a bunch, but good for you. Well, congrats on getting out. Sounds like he's healthier and happier for Sean. I skipped a bunch, but good for you. Well, congrats on getting out. Sounds like he's healthier and happier for it.

Yes, yes, yes. Let her keep the goat. Let me see. I told a guy to call in who's a semen retention guy. Semen retention?

Yeah. AJ, are you there? You're a semen retainer? Yeah, what's up, bro? Yeah, what's up, man?

Are you the guy who is... Are you Tulpa Bro's friend who is into semen retention for some reason? Okay, what is that? Tell me about that. Okay, hey, can you give me... Is it cool if I get like 10 seconds and I just need to go outside real quick?

Yeah, sure. Okay. Why don't we speculate on what semen retention is while he's gone? Chad, what am I supposed to ask AJ here? I've never encountered any semen retention. Yeah. You get bloated.

Oh, Asher. Wait a minute. Let me go back to AJ. Oh, no, he's already on. I do want to argue with Asher about Israel. I got some advice too. And then, you know, voicemails. I got a song for you too, Johnny.

Remind me to play it. Ken Dahlenhide made you a song amazing all right i'm back sirs how you doing what did you think about that guy 16 years to be with a woman that's going through your phone was he thinking jesus christ the fuck are you thinking man what are you talking about the tulpa dude no i'm talking about uh another guy who was guy who had a real girlfriend. Destructive relationship. Okay, what is your deal? What is the benefits of retaining semen? How much semen are you retaining?

Okay. So basically, it's just whenever... So there's something called NOFAP, right? And then there's semen retention. NOFAP is whenever you cut out the porn. porn because obviously we know porn is bad for your brain you know like like they've done studies uh your brain on heroin is uh not as bad as your brain on porn okay what do you mean your brain on heroin is not as bad as your brain on porn like your your brain on porn is uh worse than brain on heroin worse and like you have slower

thoughts like slower thought processing or more destructive behavior oh yeah definitely like you get you get brain fog you get anxiety depression so basically semen retention is just what how do you know like your brain's wrong here's the thing though about the semen retention is just what? How do you know? I just like to think like your brain's wrong. Here's the thing though about the semen. Yeah, what do you mean? It's like so quick

to have the solution. Wait, because you could go about the rest of your day after watching some porn, but you can't go about the rest of your day after a shit ton of heroin. Like,

yeah, I'll jerk off and get stuff done. It doesn't like end my day there. Heroin, you got to take a fucking nod off. You got to find a nice corner to get dope sick later.

Pass out in. Well, everything's cool in moderations. So if you're like beating your meat every day and watching porn every day, that's pretty fucked. Wait a minute. Like you'll notice the difference. You're saying heroin is cool in moderation?

I don't know if I've heard that about, I don't know if we're talking about the same heroin. I'm pretty sure if i ask my doctor like should i jerk off every day or should i do heroin he's gonna say do i feel like he's gonna say don't do that much heroin but jerking off you know whatever amount you want to do why do you think you're saying like your brain go ahead it's bad i'm just saying like it yeah it's a brain it mess saying like your brain. Go ahead. It's bad. I'm just saying like it. Yeah. Brain. It messes up your brain? Heroin does.

I'm not saying do heroin. Yes. All I'm hearing right now is do heroin. Yeah. You're saying it's worse than beating it off. I don't know. So you don't look at pornography? No.

No? Do you jerk off though without pornography? Is it okay to jerk off if you're doing nofap as long as you don't look at porn well shit i guess you could jerk off without nutting but if you're like nutting every day you're you're losing a lot of benefits like you're losing minerals minerals is that the top of the list is the mineral i didn't get enough minerals today i think my brain's gonna fuck up can i take a multivitamin and replenish let him talk tell me of the benefits of semen retaining okay well basically you become a god

that's all you need no that's not all i need to know you can't just say that's all you need to know. No, that's not all I need to know. You can't just say that's all you need to know. You got to go a little deep. So far, I've learned that I'm going to retain my minerals and I'm going to be a god. I feel like you need to go a little deeper. Hey, okay. There's some science with this.

On day seven, you get 150% testosterone boost. You can replace that with steroids if you want. You could gain more muscles. You have more energy and have you ever heard of kundalini energy no what is kundalini energy don't say it like it's a scientific well have you heard about this in all the textbooks of course kundalini energy is discovered by professor kundalini so yeah go ahead so k Kundalini energy is like, it's more of an esoteric type of thing, you know, spiritual type of thing.

So it's basic, but it's the same thing with science. Just science mixes lies with truth. So Kundalini energy, science calls that spinal fluid. Okay. So whenever you retain your seat, you're basically...

Real quick. Anytime someone says it's the same as science, that's usually a bad sign. It usually means it's not science. Okay. I'm saying science is like they mix truth with lies, right? So they're not going to tell you about fucking chakras and shit. I mean, that fucking is true.

So there is a major epidemic of non-replicatable studies uh going like most most studies and papers that are written cannot be replicated the experiments within and they get cited more because their conclusions are more salacious and bombastic so not only is science being done that cannot be redone like verified at all right but it is also being spread and used as a foundation for further studies that cannot be replicated because the claims are so wild. I wish I could say that you're full of shit, but you're not.

Well, that's like you always see the news articles and it's like chocolate cures brain cancer. Yeah. And then when you try to dig into it, it's like, no, not really. Okay, so Kundalini, spinal fluid, your bodily fluids are precious, that's what you're saying yeah well if you're it's i mean too much of anything is bad we know that so if you're if you're wasting your seed every single day obviously you're

gonna have some negative side effects right wait so can you retain too much if if you do everything too much so you can yeah so like let's say you retain for a year right you the thing is you have to transmute it so if you're just if you're just sitting on your ass all day fucking if you're just yeah if you're just retaining for a year and you're not you're not doing anything with that energy will just get stuck and you'll be fucking angry all the time you'll be like a little horn dog just running around you're saying look at every female horny as fuck you've not had so someone has a cum alchemist have you ever done this have you ever not had sex i've gone is like a month a month no the longest i've gone is a month okay you know what kind of powers you can actually

there's something called tantric sex so that's like sex without nutting so that's like spiritual sex kind of so it's still not having attention while doing that okay and what kind of you have sex just you don't bust a nut okay right uh what kind of uh uh powers did you get after a month of not um orgasming all right well you get way more energy um it's better for your skin you could also if you actually transmute it so transmutation process is basically when you you bring it from the root so the bottom and you bring it up. So it's basically like energy work. You can do stuff like headstands or meditation.

Like out of your ass? You're talking about the cum? You're moving the cum around your body? Is that what you mean? No, no, no. Okay. Just like the energy flow. The energy. Bring it up. Okay. How do you do that? Like the kundalini spinal.

So you move your semen up your spine kundalini energy i don't come on my spine this is sounding did we lose him i don't know i think we might have he's on mute now there he is there oh shit i accidentally clicked the mute button okay you've been coming too much yeah you could fucking that brain fog yeah i mean you're talking about your powers and you can't manage the discord Come on Do you do any drugs? A lot of drugs? Just weed

Oh, okay Do you do that in moderation Or do you do a lot of it? Definitely moderation Moderation Once every couple weeks Between your cum-bending antics? How long have you been

Retaining your semen? Not for one period of time but just like as as a lifestyle oh okay so like when i first started yeah when you first started yeah uh since last april last april okay so about a year about a year yeah and uh have you noticed any changes exactly has your life improved in like uh ways that you know are defined like have you gotten a new job have you met girls you know ways that we can look at you as a success story you don't have a job okay okay so it's not gonna help with that but 16. Why are we talking to a 16-year-old about how he moves cum around his body? Why are you even calling him about this at 16? Don't jerk off and don't do weird things.

I'm messing with you guys. Oh, get the fuck out of here. I'm 22. He's 22, he says. All right. Are you 22 for real? I'm 16. I'm 16.

Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Goodbye. Let's talk to Asher about Israel Asher what do you want to say about Israel something

something anti-Zionist something anti-Semitic we can only hope alright I'm gonna read some advice what's the longest you've ever gone without jerking off

a day yeah one time I just went for a week to see what was up but why no reason no reason how was it what was up it was it was it was uh it was whatever and then i was like yeah i see no reason to uh no asher we can't hear you you have to fix your shit go into your settings click the little gear and make your microphone there you are yeah oh what's up my fucking mic was muted sorry no it's a new mic i don't know how to work it um typical can you hear me all right yeah i can hear you what do you want to say about israel if you're

a palestinian you can so um i i don't know how you can like support them over the palestinian side it's easy what i don't understand just like this boom okay okay go israel yeah hashtag fuck palestine is that easy i just did it you want me to do it again okay okay sure okay how about this veto what's your stance on the israeli palestinian crisis i'd say you know maybe just stop firing rockets back at israel and they might maybe then just stop yeah if you're so just go like go suck some cocks since it's since it's illegal to be gay perhaps you're gay yourself palestine why don't you go get it out of your system and blow it blow each other it seems like both sides suck let's put it that way but no well no because one is clearly worse than the other that's how so though why you keep you keep mentioning about uh you know rockets being fired if we're talking about rockets being

fired israel is firing more and they're firing them at civilian centers they're in hospitals they're firing them at news organizations they're firing them at civilians like the casualties on the palestinian side far outnumber the israeli side and the only reason that well it's stop shooting rockets idiots i mean stop breaking the law okay here's the thing the law in israel is so restrictive especially for palestinians yeah and they yeah they are no option but to fire rockets back at them. They have been classified as second-class citizens in Israel, or at least their occupied territories, since Israel's inception. So if they're treated poorly for decades, you've got to understand this. If they're being treated poorly that long and they're being oppressed by this state and they don't you got to understand people in gaza palestinians in gaza can't go can't

travel to the west bank to meet with palestinians there without a permit from the israeli authority which is really hard to get yeah mexicans can't go to canada with that they just come come and go as they please they don't have to get any kind of – they can just walk right across the border. So what are you saying? You want that? Yeah. Yeah. You want unfettered immigration?

Palestinians who live in Gaza should be able to travel across a country the size of New Jersey, by the way, to go to the West Bank and meet maybe some family members. country the size of new jersey by the way yeah uh to go to the west bank and meet maybe some family members the reason they're not able to is because the israeli uh government wants to keep uh palestinians kind of within their own circles and not united you know essentially they're trying to keep them separate yeah because they're saying like death to israel like do you not understand that because they they have to keep their country safe you seem to have a weird skewed understanding of what most palestinians want here most palestinians here just are you in palestine in this situation i think oh in the situation yeah no sorry keep going keep going um sorry most palestinians want equality look i i listened to your show why do i see like hold on let him

talk uh the way so i i listened to your show last week and you seem to be very hung do i see like hold on let him talk okay uh the way so i listened to your show last week and you seem to be very hung up on this like win condition for both sides and you seem to think that if the palestinians win it's an islamic theocracy and yes but like what do you think happens if the if the israelis win they go attack syria israel never stops attacking that's what they do yeah and that's fucked up well what do you want me to do about it i'm not saying you can't do anything about it i'd like i'd i'd appreciate well i guess i can't force you to do anything but to be on the right side of history regurgitating appreciate you not just regurgitating IPAC propaganda. What kind of propaganda?

They totally hate each other and Israel and Israel buddied up to the US and has a nuke and an iron dome. Everyone is fucked. The United States government will do whatever they want. So, goodbye. Just surrender. The United States government won't stop Israel. Correct.

Yeah. Shouldn't they just surrender, though, like Palestine? They can't win, right? If Israel was attacking me, I would say I surrender. I'd go, it doesn't seem like I'm doing a lot of damage here and you keep killing my kids. I guess I just lost this one.

Okay, but to surrender would just to be, you gotta understand they're being forced out of their homes yeah the way the reason this conflict even started in the first place is because the israelis started building settlements in places where the palestinians were already being we're already living there oh i know and uh what i know they're stealing they're stealing their stuff let's walk in. Hey, get out of here. This is my house now. Fuck you. So to

surrender to Israel would be to give up your home, to just be pushed out of this place you've lived in for generations. And if that happens to you enough times, like there was this one person who called into CNN who had a mother who had been forced from her home for five times.

Yeah, you're going to start supporting the people who are fighting back. But don't you think it's really stupid to, like, if you know, like, why fire rockets back at Israel? How does that help? Hold on. They've been taking each other's shit for millennia. I mean, like, they just take each other's shit back and forth. That's how it works and then the holocaust happened israel suddenly got a big old dick in the room on their side

that's too bad that's the way the game works never again when i heard never again i didn't think that there would be like images that look essentially just like christianok in israel but instead of jews it's palestinians Palestinians. Like, the never again shit is bullshit. You can't, like, the Holocaust happened, yes, absolutely. But you can't use that as a justification to just start your own ethnostate in the fucking

Middle East. Watch me! You can't. Oh, yeah? They did do it. They did do it they did do it I guess you can I guess you can then okay well you can

but don't expect any well don't expect don't expect the biggest country on earth to be your greatest ally till the end of time don't expect that they won

they won they got everything they wanted yeah they like listen they are winning and it is like but their win like their win condition

is the complete eradication of the Palestinian people from their territories. I don't know if that's true. Well, they should just rebrand. Palestine should call itself not Palestine or something or Israel times two, Israel squared. Like you got to understand the best win condition the Palestinians have is a single state that's secular. And even then, that's not going to happen but palestinians are the voting bloc don't have much voice there because all the party like every single uh party that gets elected in israel's congress is um essentially not dedicated at all

towards uh palestinian equality every every single big party, Likud, that's the only one I can remember, Labor, even left-wing parties do not support the return of Palestinians to the land that they've taken. I don't know. What is your point, though? Why do you care?

Why do you care? Why do I care? Because I was born in Israel. I was born in israel and i lived there for about two months back in 2011 and all my life i've heard the same shit about how israel has a right to exist how they have a right uh to defend itself how they have a right to do this and the right to do that and i heard so many myths about the inception of israel and how that actually occurred. People were forced out of their homes. Like that was not a non-violent.

You keep saying that, but it's like, you're gotta be, you are being disingenuous if you don't think those sides have been kicking each other out of their homes for thousands of years.

Like they just, they are at each other's throats for thousands of years going back and forth. We're talking about vendettas that stretch back hundreds of generations. But that doesn't make killing of innocent civilians right. Who cares? I do.

Well, that's maybe a bit. What the fuck are you going to do? People are dying nonstop. What do you want to do? People are dying nonstop. Like, what do you want to do? Oh, God. When the government allows me to go outside, I'll go have a big parade to make sure everyone knows that I'm so sad. Innocent people are getting killed.

Holy shit. I mean, what? What do you want to do? Drink my blood? Jesus Christ. Well, you seem to be shocked that there's this support for Palestine. Yeah, because it's bullshit. What bullshit what yeah because it's the chinese propaganda i think the people who are supporting palestine they just like feeling bad about stuff like oh people are getting killed like yeah well you know there's a lot of like there's a lot those people getting

killed because they kind of quasi support a terrorist organization that sets up their rocket launchers in hospitals. It's not as simple as... This is something that the Israeli government does a lot. They say anytime they bomb a place that doesn't need to be bombed, they just say, oh, it was a Hamas stronghold.

They bombed that fucking Associated Press building and they just said, oh, Hamas was in there. How do you know Hamas was in there. But how do you know? You don't know. Why do you, why do you assume Hamas is not in AP? Like, why do you not assume AP is not just a spokesman for Hamas?

Like, yeah, they can't, they have to say Hamas is in there. Cause they're like, well, you know, AP is kind of fucking around.

The Associated Press just fired one of its fucking interns because she was a part of like a Palestinian rightsinian's rights group in college yeah like this is you you gotta understand this doesn't just affect israel this affects america too because ipac the propaganda wing of israel and america is one of the strongest political action committees in the country and like you gotta understand they at like during hurricane harvey in 20 in 2018 uh the texas uh lawmakers passed a bill do you want me to stop the hurricane too is that am i supporting the fucking hurricane now unless that unless government officials pledged their undying support to israel they wouldn't get aid yeah i remember for the hurricane pretty good negotiating no like you gotta understand

this is a free speech issue in america yeah wait who's the bds side which side is that bds is palestine is the pro-palestine yeah what was the one i mean yeah they're uh uh the government wouldn't let wouldn't pay anybody who was like pro beat pro boycotts yeah yeah that's a free speech issue yeah free speech issue i mean here's me shoveling all these free speech issues like what seriously what do you think what do you think giving a shit about palestine or israel is gonna get you or anybody it's not like it's not gonna get me anywhere but i will say it is a lot of stress to see why because i i lived there i was born there this is like this is personal to me like you gotta understand here's a personal i understand that's fair i understand

personal attachments to whatever a location i mean i guess why don't you go over there and help the palestinians you know yeah fight i would love to I don't know how sadly I think the country's locked up at the moment you could fire like a couple rockets at an Israeli daycare or something hey if you want to help me construct them you know I can meet up we could

do a little bit of mutual bomb building alright well what do you want me to do about it fix it you can't do anything about it i just i it's it's it's annoying to hear it's annoying to hear no offense it's annoying to hear you speak up about a thing i don't think you've done a lot of research into bro israel's gonna win i got news for you israel's gonna win the winning side the woke mob is gonna take over the country uh the shit is going is going down god god hope i wake up and pray to god every day that the pentagon doesn't take over bitcoin or just start confiscating it but that's

the way the system works evil wins they win they just win no matter what there's no stopping them you can try to hide your money you can try to blend in with the rich people who will survive but it doesn't none of this shit matters they win and that's it the country's gone it's over trump's going to fucking jail honestly you did just acknowledge that israel is the evil side here which is all i really wanted you know yeah can i make a suggestion what if all the palestinians stopped jerking off for a month yeah wouldn't that give them the powers to take back yeah i think that would give them the powers the what was it the kundalini kundalini yeah they need more kundalini they need a kundalini dome then they can alchemy

then they can create an alchemy circle with their god damn and transmute a demon from beneath the earth to take back the holy land there is no evil side for israel and this is just demon from beneath the earth to take back the Holy Land. There is no evil side. This is just power. This is the exercise of power back and forth. It always has been. And they're more powerful.

They'll win. I just... Sucks! Sorry! But you don't think it sucks. I think it's the problem. I don't care. No, I don't care.

Fair enough. I mean, if you can't go down the street in your country and go fuck Islam, that's not a country that I want existing. I agree with that. Um, I think you can't do that at Israel though. I'm pretty sure.

In Israel. Yes. What's that? A Palestine. Will they stone you? If you talk about being lynched by like just Israeli, you know, civilians,

like it sucks oh yeah i'm sure i'm sure it's horrible i just always look at the palestinian children's tv and there's a guy dressed like mickey mouse who's like hey kids if you see if your neighbor's a jew kick him in the shins i'm like don't you think that your society is like a little broken at that point if like kids are watching that okay i don't know what you're talking about you're looking up i'm not even lying to you like you know that it's happening tv says some pretty nutty stuff it is pretty funny palestinian tv they don't have tv they don't have their own tv networks what are these shows where all the kids are talking about shooting jews or whatever i've seen this i've seen this stuff okay no offense

you're talking out of your ass they don't have have TV. Are you saying they do not have television in Palestine? How do they have a news organization? They don't have television in Palestine. They don't televise the news? What? Let him talk. From what I understand, this might be incorrect,

Israel owns the media in Israel, at least. I mean, I don't want to be allowed to say anything about it. Israel owns the media in Israel, at least. Like, they know... I mean, I don't want to be... No chooser in any media organization ever. You're talking about Vito. One second. There it is. Memory TV

translates it. We'll see. We'll get to the bottom of this right now. Okay? Tomorrow's Pioneers is the name of the television show. Who cares? I don't care if that they're what they're saying on their dumb tv uh all right does anything make you a rage does anything make you anything else make you a rage uh people who don't like riley i don't understand why people don't like riley people really hate that guy yeah like he's pretty

harmless i would say riley yeah he's he's he doesn't really like if you talk to him like a person he's not like an asshole I had to make a whole channel fire Riley just to quarantine all the people who were talking about him every time I went in there it was like this Riley fucking sucks and Riley can't even get good guests and I'm like guys

he makes thumbnails like he's kind of doing his own thing I don't know what to tell you it's not like a full-time gig. Would it be okay if I plugged something? Go ahead. I do lyric videos as well as edit some Substack articles over on the Yig Studio channel. I help them out sometimes.

Oh, Yig Studio. Okay, Yig Studio. Riley is sending me a void chasers a t-shirt as we speak how's that working out for uh beatrice gold the golden witch she she she did her whole channel from anime reviews to like to music i mean that's a big it's a big jump that's a big ass oh yeah people people are not happy in her audience yeah i could imagine i don't even send people my music. It's quite a pivot.

I buried it in the desert. Oh, yeah. If you want to go look at it, it's way out there. I'm going to have to head out, but it was nice talking with y'all. Okay, bye. Nice talking to you, too. Thanks for calling in. All right.

I think that's... I love Riley. I think that's just a voicemail now. He's a good kid. He's got a good head on now. He's a good kid. He's got a good head on his shoulders. Except for when he didn't call in after he fought Ralph. That was... I think that was a great move.

You think so? Because it was so infuriating. People will be infuriated forever because of that. Yeah. And if he would have called in, let's be honest. Ralph has way more experience being on the radio messing with people right i also have more experience that is riley was walking into a situation that he could not win yeah yeah uh so the only winning move is not to play not to Yeah, so, and it even infuriated me

at the time. I was like, losing my mind. Like, God, you fucking cock-blocked everybody, you dick. See, but that's with Howard Stern.

Anytime a guy's coming to the studio, you're like, you're not going to win this one. Yeah. No one ever comes out looking good. So it was smart.

It was smart. It was smart. On many levels. Played it right. Okay, this is Johnny on the Spot by Kendall and I. Johnny, do you have anything

that makes you rage? nothing that fucking matters nothing that matters no it's not kind of a thing you don't have a big goal I don't understand how could you support

Israel? they're gonna fucking win fucking easily why do you support the Patriots? stop I don't know they got a good they got a good track record.

They keep hitting touchdowns. But didn't you know that they're... Oh my God. Oh my God! How could I support these people? All right, here you go. Johnny on the Spot by Kendall and Hyde. Vito, youtube.com slash Vito.

There it is. Patreon.com slash The Vito Show. Patreon.com slash The Vito Show. Patreon.com slash The Vito Show. Patreon.com slash The Dick Show. See you next Tuesday. Almost nine. Monday night, call Sean. Let's find a program.

Shit, he won't pick up. What's Nick to do? Damn, Sean won't answer. He's down a Ricky rabbit hole. Feed him about paper plates. Yeah, he's on a roll. Dick grabs his dildo and swings that shit urgently. Break glass in case of audio emergency

Pulls out his bloody hand, what's he fucking got? A phone with one contact, Johnny on the spot Johnny on the spot, Johnny on the spot Do you think he has plans? Hmm, probably not If you need a helping hand and you need it a lot Who's the dude you fucking call? You call Johnny on the spot Johnny on the spot, Johnny on the spot Will he get here on time? Yeah, right on the dot

If you need a helping hand and you need it a lot Who's the dude you fucking call? You call Johnny on the spot When your sweetie pie texts like, I'm horny, come over My bike tires flat, how about tomorrow? But she's still feeling hot She doesn't go to sleep, she calls Johnny on the spot And he's there in a moment, tall, dark, and so moan Gets your girl fucking on him and he's gone by the morning

If you show up in an Uber, then she sends him out the fucking back Running through the neighbor's yard in nothing but his fanny pack And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16.

And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. And it sounds 16. He pulls up with battery cables. Oh, I changed the oil, too. Ready, will, and a cable to help a friend out. He's so mentally stable. Invite Johnny for dinner. He'll start setting your cable. Yes. Can't you be more like Johnny?

I'd rather be less of a fucking cunt. Maybe I should let him fill in for you sometime. Wouldn't surprise me if he did, because you're a useless whore. I can't do this anymore. Who are you talking to? Johnny on the spot. Is he verbally abusive? Probably fucking not.

Now you have a real man with an adequate talk and your fanny's getting backed by Johnny on the spot. Johnny on the spot. He's so sensitive and kind. Stupid fucking twat. Now we're getting a divorce. She'll take all that I've got if you want your life ruined. Call Johnny on the spot. Wow!

This is fucking great! Look at my video fucking eyes! I would sit here and smile and be helpful. Oh, you need a lighter? Oh, you can just have this one, I brought an extra! I have a pen right here. I'm just a pleasant person. Oh, you forgot your wallet.

I'll pay you, bro. Kendall and Hyde. Right there. Fucking hilarious. Got personal. That's great. Revealing. I can't even believe how many references he got right too

fanny pack fucking killing it genius you got anything going on in your life you want to talk about Johnny nothing that I'm allowed

to talk about oh wow very spicy secrets um secrets heroin or just not jerking off

both heroin is worse than porn I do heroin porn is worse than heroin. I do heroin. Wait, porn is worse than heroin. For your brain. For your brain. It's worse.

I've never thrown up from not taking, from not watching porn, though. Yeah? You've never had porn withdraws? Nope. I would like to see the replicability

of those studies that, have you ever seen one of those anti-porn guys really get on a roll? Like, just ranting and raving? Yeah. Here's a study. Here's a study.

Here's a study that says that the world is more progressive when pornography... Here's a study that says, like, bro. That, to me, sounds like someone spent a lot of time not watching porn to make all those studies.

Yeah. Is there anything about, like, having a lot of studies, the effect on the brain? Uh, okay. Here you go. Hey,

just wanted to take a brief reprieve from, uh, from calling in with rages to give a quick shout out to Cantillian. Uh, can't, uh, the, the Chris can't show was awesome.

Uh, I also want to thank you for giving me some motivation because I thought I was really bad at talking to women and I've seen you do it twice now on The Dick Show and now I'm thinking I'm not that bad. So thanks, Cant.

Thank you, Cantillions. Shout out for you. I guess I should be listening to the Chris Cant show. Oh, it's over. Oh, really? It ended. Yeah.

A while ago? Yes, there was only like eight episodes. Yeah. And then Chris the Kiwi lost his marbles. Oh, yeah. And refused to come back for some reason. I forget why.

I assume it came back the way he was talking about it. No, but he did email me. Chris the Kiwi emailed me a couple days ago and said he was trying to trick a hooker into letting him film them having sex. But he didn't think she would go for it. I'm glad that he felt the need to brief you on that. I don't know why.

I hadn't heard from him for months. There you go. Dick, I don't usually fantasize about running people over in my car. In Minecraft. But I'm on a street day, driving for two and a half hours. Fuck it.

Whatever. It's the morning. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I don't give a fuck. There's a guy riding a bicycle on the right-hand side of this road in the right lane. It's like, yeah, okay. There's a bike lane next to him, clearly marked bike lane. And this douchebag has to him clearly marked bike lane and this

douchebag has to be in the right lane everyone has to get around him I wish I could just crash right into this badass

fucking in Minecraft bicycle peddler fucking piece of piece of shit wow god damn yikes

fuck you all whoa wow do bike riders like not realize How much people hate them? And they still do that? They still ride around man I wouldn't do that

Just put a swastika on your back You get less hate Right? When I ride a bike Yeah I mean I would be worried About cars hitting me Yeah

Yeah I would do everything I could To kind of not be Anywhere near them I just ride it in circles In my driveway. Yeah. Somebody's going to look out their window, and I'll go,

that motherfucker, I'm going to run my house right over his ass. Hey, Dick and Sean. You know, another rage for you today. Okay. Is the breakfast lobby again. I know. Beaten to death, right? But check this out.

So I'm at the doctor's office. I'm getting my annual physical whatever. What do you get? She looks over my chart. She says, wow, you've lost 20 pounds. Yeah, you know, been exercising, eating in shape, got a

intermittent fasting, you know, helping myself keep the calories down. She's like, oh, well, you know, did you eat anything this morning? No, no, I don't eat breakfast. Oh, no, no, you really should eat breakfast. It's really not healthy for you to not eat breakfast. Oh, no, no. You really shouldn't eat breakfast. It's really not healthy for you to not eat breakfast.

And I'm thinking, bitch, I just lost 20 pounds in like three months. But, you know, this is the last physical. That's 20 pounds. That's more than most people. Like, are you fucking serious? No, no, sorry. You actually need to eat more. I don't think you're fat.

So that I can, you know, berate you for that. Like, you fucking bitch. Like, seriously? Fuck you. Just more propaganda from Big Breakfast. It is. It is. They made it up.

The egg council. The wheat toast council. The grain. Grain. They made it up. Yeah, marketing guys made it up. Uh-huh. The Wheat Toast Council. The Grain. Grain Lobby. Grain Lobby. Made cereal a thing. Did the OJ Council get in on any of this? Of course.

Remember those balanced breakfast commercials they used to have? But it would always be like a giant pitcher of orange juice and a giant pitcher of whole milk. At the same time. At the same time. Two worse things together on the planet. And your mom would put a funnel in your mouth and dump them both in. Complete breakfast. Everything about breakfast sucked as a kid,

but they forced us to eat it because of ads. Okay. A couple more. Hey, Dick. You know what really just tickles me, and it's got to tickle you too? I was listening to the last bonus episode, uh, and you know, the banana ducks and Matt and Ox, Matt shit. And it made me imagine what that man's dating life has got to be like now

because, you know, he escaped all that five years ago, six years ago, before everything happened, all of its great openers. I'm a best-selling author. I got this really popular website, popular podcast, best-selling book, you know. You can lay that down and really, really impress a woman but now if he mentions his persona the inevitable google search will reveal like the massive failure that he and his persona have become which means that now he has to date as himself yeah that's true all intents and purposes, unemployed, pretentious.

You don't think he goes to women? I imagine a limited audience. I've never actually tuned in. You don't think you guys do what? I was going to say, you don't think he goes to women? He goes, well, you know, I disguise myself as a banana for an online audience. Maybe he does. Sometimes I'm a cowboy.

Usually I'm a banana. Maybe he does. Two. Sometimes I'm a cowboy. Usually I'm a banana. Maybe he does. I get 10 viewers and I love each of them. Well, maybe he hasn't even tried yet because the pandemic was still on. Maybe he's been building up his whole, yeah. Yeah, and maybe now

he's retaining semen for a year. Slowly storing it up in the balls, letting it climb up the spine as you do. Transmuting. Transmute it into gold. God. Somewhere around the brain.

That guy's gonna get talking about that stupid shit in high school, college. Oh, man. Kundalini yoga. Next time you got a girl,

you know, you go, well, you know what I like to do is transmute my cum. Bitch, you want to transmute some nut I have over here?

Let me teach you a new yoga pose. The great spirit of Kundalini has told me that you will be my wife and I will fill you with the golden seed. All right.

Goodbye, everybody. Sean, have fun. I hope you had fun mixing this. Goodbye. See you.