The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 164

Episode Date: November 16, 2024

What the hell is that? Arnold Palmer spiked! Is that mine? No. You brought it from home? I was at the store and they had one of those like I was at the grocery store and it was like all of these fanciful tall boy

beverages are buy one get one free and I was like let me take a trip down the lane God. They really They made it way too easy to make that shit. Well, what's what's baffling to me is Yeah, remember when they banned for loco. Oh, yeah We can't have you know caffeinated alcohol cuz kids might want to drink that Yeah, and then you look at the case now and it's like Willy Wonka's magic sugar snack

Fortified and yeah, yeah, and I'm like I think kids are gonna want to drink that too like what is this? kids drink Bud Weiser yeah bud light and not bud lime bud Weiser. That's It's a The whole protecting children era. Well, it's always, we always have to shift what protecting children looks like. We gotta get rid of their vapes, you know.

And you know who's shifting it. Yeah, the Republicans. That's who's shifting it. The guys who just put Matt Gaetz in there to run the department of finding all the kids. To catch a rapist, you need a rapist. That's movie making 101, Vito. there to run the department of finding all the kids. To catch a rapist, you need a rapist. That's movie making 101, Vito.

I'm surprised you don't know that. You gotta inside the mind of a killer. To catch a criminal, you gotta become a criminal. It's a real Silence of the Lambs type situation. That's it. Yep. We gotta let them loose. We gotta let Hannibal Lecter loose.

Silence of the underage lambs. That's right. underage lambs. That's right. Little baby lambs. He's coming in with his big hair. Like the sun. He's got a weirdly shaped face. What's weird about Matt Gaetz? Besides his face and his hair.

And the way he talks and smiles. And the history of social proclivities. That's not weird. That's not weird. That's perfectly normal. Well, it's normal to think. Yeah. Just abnormal to do brazenly, you know. But there's not a goddamn thing you could do about it.

That's the best part. I'm excited to see what RFK abands. What do you like? Oh, I know I hate Yellow Dye Number Two or whatever now. He asked me. He's like, what does that guy Vito like? And I gave him a list. And he likes whatever. He asked me, he's like, what does that guy Vito like? And I gave him a list. And he likes Prime.

He's like, he likes Prime. He's gonna take it all away. Yeah, he likes Chinese food MSG. I like when my food uses the waste product from coal manufacturing to color it yellow. That's very exciting for me. So you actually, you believe that? What, the yellow dye shit? Yeah, you're anti that yellow dye tartar they don't care at all

We're all you got him you can make a call doesn't matter everything we eat is poison and the idea that some of it's slightly Less poison anything else is like yeah, I guess are you serious You can't even say I don't want industrial chemicals in my I don't I thought you were mr. The government needs to regulate food. Yeah, they did regulate it. Oh I thought you were Mr. The Government Needs To Regulate Food. What happened to that? Yeah, they did regulate it. Oh! So Europe's food is, you think, better or worse than American food? Uh... I can't keep this argument from the people. I forget why European food is...

Tell the class what you were... the insanity that you were just telling me. Well, okay, hold on. Here's the problem with RFK's graph or whatever, is he goes like, uh... You're pro or anti-tartrazine? The industrial chemical? Let me get that on the record. You don't know. Okay. Alright. Don't know and don't care. Is that what makes Sour Patch Kids? Their bright, colorful neon colors? Maybe. I don't know. Then you're for it. It's more fun that way. So the government is gonna regulate food to keep us safe and now you are saying that's bad. Well the government was- The government already regulates that stuff.

Okay. Look, I don't really care if he gets rid of some industrial dyes. It's not gonna ruin my life. Uh, didn't we do? Well, I mean, what would that look like ruining your life? Weren't we talking about sunscreen has too much regulation or something? Don't try to, don't try to equivocate your way out of this. No, it's interesting. I'm trying to remember. We brought up sunscreen on this show. That's another thing he's going after.

So the government needs to regulate, you said the government needs to regulate food. And now the government's regulating food and you said it's too much. I didn't say it's, I said I look forward to it. It's very interesting And Europe you said I said well then well how about Europe do they have to like you little? How's their food compared to our ours? Like I don't know man. I honestly don't assume our food has more and artificial bullshit in it. I'm sure yeah, you sure there's a lot of Although it depends sometimes. There's rules on stuff in America that like Europe allows I don't have any examples Although it depends sometimes there's rules on stuff in America that like Europe allows You know that you're anti whatever I could rack my brain is it cuz he said that thing about the circus What did he say about the said that in his day people who are bad people would be in the circus

There's well, they're so fat. Yeah. Yeah, he said that. Maybe it's the seed oils, though. You're the guy who said we got to love seed oils. He's taking those away. I don't care. Wait, seed oils are fine? No, he's saying seed oils are bad. I know, but I don't care if he takes them away. You don't care if he takes them away?

He said fat people go in the circus. He can say and do whatever he wants. I feel like RFK actually plays into a lot of past problems on this show. That's interesting. I'm going to track that guy. I'm gonna track that guy I'm gonna see what's going on. Is he all the problems contained in one man? He's a he's an interesting guy He's got a lot of ideas now. Are you still mega?

Cuz you're looking kind of like I couldn't find my hat Vito I couldn't find my hat and I was hoping a fan sent me a new MAGA hat But apparently they didn't I didn't go to UPS store because we're doing an early show today. That might be waiting there. Fans, I need more MAGA apparel. I will wear any MAGA related... But ironically or non-ironically? Or ironically? Ironically or ironically are you going to wear it? I don't think irony is allowed in the new America. I think you've got to be 100% what you believe. You've got to speak from the heart and lead with an open mind.

So you'll be wearing the hat for MAGA, because I love America. And I want to make it great again. Okay. Alright. Alright. You better watch it. I got all these crystals. That's why I said I'm looking forward to what RFK does. Maybe, you know, if he takes away all the colors of my food

Whoa? I like having color for food, but maybe it's exciting. I should have played this song then. What are you gonna do? I locked Woody in a crystal last night. Oh yeah? That was good? Yeah, punch 2.

UNIVERSE! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe the only show that ranks every Problem in the universe from vetoes political switches to whiny tick-tock bitches. We have a tick-tock problem last week I'm your host to crash and that was from Zack Is it a good rhyme good enough Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. Biggest Problem in the universe. Hello, everyone. Tonight is fight night.

So it's early here. Jake, Paul, and Tyson will be fighting, and we'll be watching that. Yeah. And you're not going to, well, you're not watching with us. We're watching it after, so we're doing the show a little bit early. Wherever you are, you're watching it with us.

Yeah. So you could be alone eating your oats out of a bowl after your intense workout for no one. Like Eleanor Rigby, this song, you know, it's now written about a young man who does nothing but lift weights and research bodybuilding online. I look at all the lonely himself. Drinking his creatine late at night while he plays on his Twitch all alone. Who is it for? Who's on the phone? It's just the door dash bringing a burrito. He paid $20 for

Not there is no All the lonely insoles Trump's America we're gonna make it happen now. Okay, I forget how we do this We do the the winners first from last week. Yes Sore losers man, it was a tight race last week Between oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well for first place problems. Oh man. There's a lot of sore losers out there What do you think? You know, what's the losing bit of the worst forms of sore losers, you know, we just had the election, it's like perfectly fair and balanced. Can you believe there's some guys saying the election was like stolen, and there was election

fraud, like that's the worst. They should be hanged. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. All these guys who cry about election fraud. Because there wasn't this time. Because we stopped. Right, right, right.

Obviously. Yeah. That's the worst when people just go, ah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Obviously. Yeah That's the worst when people just go on and on and on and on. Yeah. I hope we don't get four years of that You know that would be the worst Just four years of voting machines. I haven't heard any J6 stuff. Have you? Like updates? I haven't heard any crying about it. Oh, it all kind of went silent. I don't know about that I'm waiting for uh, I mean Trump's been making a lot of moves. I think he's got to wait on the January 6 pardons before he gets it off. No, I mean like the whole thing. I know, I know.

Yeah, I'm just saying on a related point. We should do it for real. We should go back and do it again. We should do another J6. They would never expect it a second time. Smash all the windows, you know. Just for fun. Just cuz like, like a celebratory J6. Making a tradition! You should make a tradition! Like when the Lakers win, we burn cop cars down and flip buses over and stuff, right? Every time a Republican wins, we destroy the Capitol and raise it to the ground. What's that guy who tried to bomb Parliament? They celebrate him every fucking year. Guy Fawkes. Yeah, Guy Fawkes Day.

Yeah, wouldn't that be fun? We should have Nick Fuentes day the ringleader of j6 and you know Everybody can go down there and try to yell at other people try to convince them to break into the Capitol like just people Walk by go. Hey I'm him today. I'm Nick Fuentes today. Yeah, I'm Enrico or that other guy Who's that other guy who was a Ray Epps was that a apps the Fed Ray Epps day? Yeah Yeah, Ray Epps? Ray Epps? The Fed? Ray Epps day, yeah. Yeah, Ray Epps day. Guys, I think we gotta bring it to the Capitol!

Guys, I think we gotta bring it to the Capitol! Ray Epps day, that'd be fun. I'm so glad you brought up Nick Fuentes. Yes. Did you happen to see... Oh, I did. ...that fat woman... Mm-hmm.

...that went on his property... Went on his property, that's the worst thing in the world. We don't approve of that. She was on the street... yeah, which is fine. And then she went into his property. And then he heroically maced her and kicked her down the stairs. I couldn't wait because I knew that you would be happy that someone defended their property. Well, in Trump's America, sometimes you've got to take charge and really commit violent

assault against the late... Defense! Right, sure. Violent self-defense of your property. Yeah, you know, someone knocks... You agree. If someone knocks on your door, of course you have the right to assault them. Well, they're on your property, obviously.

What are they doing there? You have to set boundaries. You gotta set boundaries. And that means you can respond with anything, really. Well, just a little pepper spray. Okay. That's, you know, that that's tell me what else proportionate Okay, tell me some other stuff. I can do if someone comes on my property. I might pull their pants off I can pull their pants off. Yeah, all right. You could definitely hit them with some pepper spray

All right, you can grab their girlfriend's ass If she's there if you can reach her you can grab her ass All right Any sort of these anything that you could do to get Evict someone from a club you could do if someone's learning new rules of engagement in the time of MAGA Very excited you could always do this you can always grab a guy's girlfriend's ass if he's on your property You could suck his cock if he's on your property And you can get his dick in your mouth you can suck it And he has to take it because he's by coming on your property, he's accepted the rules of engagement.

Well, he can leave. You know, it's your property and your door. Yeah, but once I got my mouth around his cock, I mean at that point I'd give him the incentive to stay. You're so good that he's... I pull the lips over the teeth to make it a smooth experience, guys. I just was sitting there, I was seeing Nick Fuente's pepper spray that big fat hog and I thought Vito must I have to Vito must be loving this because he's such a big proponent of self-defense and property rights. I am a big proponent of self-defense

and property rights. I was a big I was a big Kyle Rittenhouse guy and he wasn't even at home right you know he's just walking around causing trouble blasting pedophiles and liberals who happen to be pedophiles yeah all of them isn't that crazy well We're gonna see what happens with a Fuentes You guys can check out the video You know some are saying that perhaps you you know might have went a little too far But you know what kind of person would say that? far but you know what kind of person would say that I don't know what they have a Twitter probably one of these Epsler liberals out there but thankfully

you know as the ultra patriot Vito yeah I support whatever our good brother is this gonna be like your character like Mel Gibson's the beaver or if when you get pressed you switch into this I haven't seen the beaver but yes based on what I know of it okay I said that I'm getting pressed I mean what could I say I obviously you I haven't seen the beaver, but yes, based on what I know of it. Oh, okay. I said that I'm getting pressed, I mean, what can I say? I obviously... You said it was assault, what he did. Well, I think, you know, unfortunately, in this country, sometimes these overzealous liberal prosecutors might go over the line,

and, you know, sometimes you gotta play by the rules with those, you know, you gotta really watch your steps. That's true, That's true. Now, in a non-hypothetical way, spiritually, and toward the idea of justice, do you believe that Nick Fuentes was morally right in pepper spraying this awful, this atrocious hog? Oh, I believe he's morally right, yes. There you go. Alright. The difference is that my belief in moral rights, like, I should be allowed to kill people because I want to.

No, that's not, you don't believe that. There's no way you believe that. There's some people who if I had the ability to snap my fingers and they would vanish into the ether. Do they drive, do they order a long time at the drive-thru? Well, no, no, not those people. I like those guys. Those guys I want to snap my fingers and instantly have their test scores go up 50 points. That's my, uh, that's my dream.

So you want to make them Jewish? If I had the death note, I'd be having some fun. I'd be writing some names. Yeah, okay. So yeah, morally, if somebody comes to like, Ah! I'm gonna ring your doorbell! I'm like, well yeah, I want to be able to punch that lady in the face. Not punch! Not punch! Pepper spray. Why not punch?

Because pepper spray is nothing. You can like, permanently disfigure someone with a punch. Okay, a punch is too much. Punch is too much. Maybe it's just the amount of force you don't understand. No, it's more I understand that why society has rules to prevent me from doing the things I want to do. Because you're a sick murderer. Because I want to do, yeah, 100%. I go, thank God society has told me, well, if you do that, we're going to put you in a cage.

And I go, okay, fair enough. I get it. You know what? What? What you're saying is just really true. I've heard so many liberals say like well Yeah, we can't have guns because if I had a gun I'd take it and shoot everybody and I'm like I heard it. I would have I would have the instinct for sure. Yeah

If I had a gun in my house, there's a we still get there's a variety of situations where turning off the lights, like Homer. I just don't trust myself. I'd get in a situation with a guy where I'd be like, hey, asshole, this pizza pie is an extra hour late. And he'd go, deal with it, fat boy. And I'd go, you wait right here. Wait for your tip.

Wait right here. I watch the videos of guys who just shoot people. You can tell that they should not have owned a gun okay? Morally you're morally I'm morally I'm in his car All gas legally now well you're not a what do you know about what you do? Chicago all gas no breakfast says I like the veto is able to pull an American flag down from a flagpole and wear it For this episode that could have been that would have been funny if it was longer like a lot longer. I made that joke on the episode. Belu. People just repeat my jokes. People repeat my own fat jokes back to me and they go

take that fat guy and I'm like yeah you got me. You nailed me. Vito the bass team guy says Belu. Yes. We need a version of that song that we can play. Vito the bass team guy. Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. We need a. I'm a full figured man. More cushion for the push yet. We need a ultra ultra patriot veto always with the red white and blue. You were very tickled by that. Your whole thing was so funny last week.

Well Deep State Derek may make a return. We've been thinking about what to do with him. Cameron'sContentDump says, this is the best bit Vito has ever done. Jubb says, Rhino Vito arc is going to be crazy. James Simmons says, the biggest problem in the universe are people who complain about shows being too long. Bro, you can stop listening at any time.

Some of us have hours of monotony to burn every work day. Yeah, I would say- Then you get home and it's even worse. I can't imagine wanting a podcast to be shorter, I don't get it. IsomtheHedgehog says the funny part is Vito and Eric July are equally legitimate pro-Trump guys. You might be more pro-Trump than Eric.

I'm a little more, I'm like, it's complicated. Well white guys voted more pro-trump than black guys That is that tracks. Yeah, that makes sense. I Was gonna ask how long how long were you on pka for four hours? You did the whole four hours four hours I went in to plug all my stuff and then Zack their producers said oh we already cut nice I Went into this long like plug. I gotta tell you when you go on pka

I try to get the plug in the first right away Cuz like who makes to the end of the four-hour up is like four hours I was like alright guys check me out at page on a concert a dick show Gone Goodbye, I mean luckily most of the audience has seen you before. Hopefully they don't know where to find you. They don't though. They're dumb. If anybody from PKA is listening, guys, give like a spot like,

they're usually good though at the top of the episode. Be like, what have you been up to? And I talk about the podcast there. That's okay. I leaked the whole episode. Somebody hacked me in a pirated version and I retweeted it. I saw you do that. I think I've done that myself too is the guy who bring you hot load guy who pretends to be Zach Yeah, I think it's okay to retweet. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, it's a good bit Pissfingers says is there a chance I'm blocked on the YouTube live stream. I can't send chats or super chats

Maybe I'm shadow banned because my name also has piss in it there. That'd be crazy Hey pissfingers next time you send me this, include your fucking user name! People always forget to do that. I get an email that's like, can you unban me on Twitter? And I'm like, yeah, done.

Okay, I'll just guess which one you are. Can you unblock me or whatever the fuck? I unbanned A, B, F, or 9, Hitler Hitler. Was that you? Well, sorry. It is possible that it is probably the name. I've been running into a thing because I've been streaming on whatnot. It's so annoying that people go, Hey, how's Dick doing? Blocked, blocked for bad word. And I'm like, Dick,

there was a network president television show called the Dick Van Dyke show. It was the most beloved show in America. And no one ever said, I can't believe they have a show named after a penis guy. Oh-oh. Oh, god. Like, what is happening? Was there a guy in the 50s that would refer to it as the penis show? And his wife would be like, I really hate when you make that joke with my friends around there playing peanut ball. Hey, look, it's the penis Van Dyke show.

Ha! Get it? It's the penis Van Yee show. What does he mean by that? Nothing. Nothing. Gin. These word filters are aggressive. It's wild. Yeah, that's why I lost my Twitch account. I know! It's unreasonable. I wasn't saying anything about, you know, Palestine or anything. Cosmos, Conmos, usually when I watch this show I don't think about the things that happen in the show until the following week.

Now, every time I go to bed, I can't stop thinking about that fucking blanket. Dude, the blanket pillow debate has been raging on. I see the fans going, some guys are going, oh, Vito's, I can't believe Vito lives his life like that. It's like their knee-jerk reaction. Other guys go, I secretly tried the blanket pillow and everything's been great.

This has been wonderful. Maybe I'm gonna try it Maybe next time I don't know how you haven't tried it. Just grab a blanket put it under your head I got a lot of sleep problems Glen Levitt says man. I hate it. I missed this one live I was over on Ethan van Skyberg stream, and then I got sidetracked I was always a fan of vetoes, but this is my favorite version of veto. He's like a Pokemon. He's reached his final He's a fan of Vito's, but this is my favorite version of Vito. He's like a Pokemon. He's reached his final powerful form, Vitoys, he says. Look, all I'm saying, guys, is I know the way the wind is blowing.

Send me some MAGA. Blowing towards freedom. It's blowing towards freedom. Blowing all the Mexicans away. Yeah, well, I'm okay with that. The Watched Frog says Vito is clearly seething. He might as well be weeping. Yeah.

It is weird, you know, because I'm from Massachusetts and I have to see every single town in Massachusetts going, We are a sanctuary city and we will not deport any of these people. I'm like, well, yeah, because you only got like a handful of them. Like that's always the thing is they got like one Mexican guy living there and they go, it's a sanctuary for him. And they're like, okay, but you're not Texas where there's like a bajillion of them. I like the idea that Mexicans could just pick up and go move to Massachusetts. Right. Like where no one speaks Spanish, they don't know anyone.

No one speaks Spanish. It's not warm at all. The cost is totally negligible. It's a very expensive state. We did a good job. We did a good job. Good job. Good for us. At least New York, they started busting them in and New York finally said, okay, this is

becoming a problem. Dan says, leave it to Dick to be the guy lurking on our suicide watch the day after the election for the entertainment Oh, man Yeah I had booked marked people for like three days that I was gonna go back and tell him to go kill themselves If Trump if Trump won cuz that's what they said right yeah click click click Bookmark bookmark bookmark those guys are always just looking for an excuse right? Oh no, they didn't say they're gonna kill themselves. I wanted to tell them to kill themselves.

Okay. Apropos of nothing. There we go. Uh, Lyle Dillon says, for a t-shirt for a six minute song for a podcast making how much who boy? Okay, Lyle. You know what it's uh-

He's upset that I said there's a song contest and there's not a thousand dollar prize. Go listen to daytime fucking radio half a t-shirt oh yeah about that oh the Steven Singer Jewelers is putting up 10k for the funny song contest guys we don't have that show I'm sorry Steven Singer Jewelers is not a bunch of money to advertise we got one sponsorship and y'all fucked it up by going into the comments by saying wow that was the worst sponsorship I ever heard you don't get any fucking big-time cash prizes on this show. You guys did this. You did it

You keep fucking that up for us. It's not my fault Okay, find us some sponsors, then you can have cash prizes We'll have a fucking wheel and a buzzer or whatever the fuck you want. Do we have any activities today? No, no activities. We're going straight to the problems. Okay, we're going straight to the problems. My problem is um Today, are we going straight to the problems? Okay, we're going straight to the problems. My problem is... My problem is the Haka. The HAKA! Are you familiar with...

Yeah, that's when, what's his name? Hasselhoff goes Ooga-chaka, Ooga, Ooga, Ooga-chaka And a bunch of guys... I wish that it was that. It should be. And the answer to the Haka should be that. But whenever... I thought it was just Australian black people, Indians, whatever, Maori.

The Maori, the native New Zealanders. Then that weirdo Aquaman did it, and now it's like kind of all, it's turning into like a brown person thing. Yeah, wait, what is he? What is Aquaman? Then it turned into like a Samoan thing. Samoan, right.

All I know is every once in a while, all the minorities in Australia will band together and the white people have to sit there like they're on the bus. Not making eye contact. Right. Not, not looking, you know, looking away, kind of staring around, looking at the ground and going, all right, is this, uh, are they almost done? Has this done? The women are out there doing it.

Okay. This is the, uh, the thousandth time I've heard about this. Haka. The Haka. It's a, uh, it's a, what is it? Exactly. It's a tribal warriors. Chant.

Just show you here's what it is. Did they do this when all the white guys got off the ship with the guns and took them over? They were like dancing in front of them. Oh my God. This is the hawker in New Zealand. I guess New Zealand has like a pretend like government thing. Yeah. So what happened was and I was trying to make sense of this. There's a treaty that they signed in like 17 whatever.

Yeah. That's between the white people and the natives. The natives. That kind of sounds like we won't steal your sacred bird and we'll make sure your crystals are intact. I don't know. We're not going to put you in our magical crystals. We're not going to put you in a crystal, right?

There's all this bullshit. And then every once in a while he goes like, okay guys, we got to like make this make sense. This is a bunch of old weird tribal rules. Let's actually like codify some of this and simplify it. And let's have equal rights. And let's have equal rights. You know, let's all have not any colored kind of like, you guys get more stuff. You get more free stuff. So they're trying to make slight changes to the treaty. And this is how the the indigenous New Zealanders, the Maori, are responding. Or at least their elected representatives are responding. There you go.

And they're walking around. They got shit in their hair this old black guy just stopped playing a game of checkers to get involved Look at these white bitches are doing let me look at this veto. Yeah, they're all in support They're stomping around doing jazz. Look at this poor bastard. That's the guy You see this guy. Yeah, this is America right here. Oh, it's not America everywhere This is our American representative for the New Zealand government Well the guy who introduced the bill I think they're gonna show him in two seconds I mean, he's like am I supposed to be I supposed to be?

That guy stuck his tongue out. Wow. Okay, okay, okay, okay, that's enough that's enough. You can't get an extra haka in after the one the lone lady tried to keep it going. And while they're doing this the white guy should be doing blackface and then coming out like a memory. Okay, that's cool check this shit out so here's what's complicated about this to me is I went as a Jaded white person who has seen many ethnic displays and endured them each one worse than the last yeah more ornate and contrived Well, of course better. Yeah. Well, I grew up in Amherst Massachusetts very liberal towns

You know it's the school assembly to be like, and the African dance troupe is gonna, you know, do a festive African dance to celebrate the mystic holiday of Wagousa Khan, and you go, yeah, yeah, alright, that's your guys thing, alright, dance around and do whatever. It's a way for women to do Christmas, not during Christmas time. Sure. Because they're like, here's this African dance, and I'm like, this looks a lot, this looks awfully Christmy in July. Like they're all having a bunch of stupid colors

and doing a little choreography. Only at Christmas time do we let you bitches get away with that. Here's what I'm trying to wrap my head around though, is I've had people in New Zealand go, no like, you know, we all love the Haka, like even the white guys. And you've seen, have you seen like their sports teams doing it? You know, you've seen the soccer teams doing the Haka, like even the white guys. And you've seen, have you seen like their sports teams

doing it, you know, you've seen the soccer teams doing the Haka right before they take people off. So there's a guy who just had, he just had to quit the earth. Let me see, I got his name here. Did he say the Haka was dumb? He said it was, he made the outrageous claim, the outrageous and racist claim of

to bin it. It's ridiculous. It looks like I didn't print that one. Hold on. I have the exact quote here to get rid of it. Well, I was going to say that I can understand like, you know, the hawk needs binning. It's ridiculous. Right. Immediately deactivated. It's obviously immediately fired from a politician or a news guy or a news guy or something? No, it's a sports guy. A sports guy said it's ridiculous. It causes me, like they say it's to celebrate their culture and to like

intimidate their opponents and it really, it's like you know psychic damage like in Pokemon cards? You think like that's dumb, like how's Mewtwo causing 200 damage to somebody with psychicness and then you see this and I'm like, I feel like, I feel like everything inside of me is dying Because this is so embarrassing for you

it's It's it's fascinating to me. I think the problem is like okay. That would be like if we were like You know we saw a bunch of guys doing the Super Bowl shuffle. Oh, and I'll the Super Bowl show I love super several one guy Congress. That's kind of stupid. He went what the fuck. ah, the Super Bowl shuffle. I love the Super Bowl shuffle. And one guy goes, in Congress. That's kind of stupid. He went, what the fuck? That's the Super Bowl shuffle. That's the most important thing. And it's like, look, I think you need to keep it lighthearted and fun. You know, it needs to be like, hey, here's this fun, stupid thing we do.

And it's kind of fun and stupid. When you're in Congress and you're like, this is our warrior's cry, hear our voices, I go, oh, now it's gay. Yeah, it's really gay This sucks what you did there should have made it fun. It should be a fun thing things can be gay in sports and You can't you kind of can't like point it out because everyone there is gay I get drunk and angry you're like, alright, they're kind of just allowed to do gay shit You know a lot of people I think go to the sports stadium because they're like, I'm going to get to do a bunch of gay stuff.

I'm going to sing songs. Take my shirt off of my bros and hug my bros and paint each other like gay. I'm going to hope the kiss cam comes over and they're going to think I'm with this, you know, my girlfriend, but I'm going to lean over and kiss my male friend on the mouth as a goof, you know? Are you going to a pride parade?

No, I'm going to the game, bro. Why would you say that? I don't know, you're painting your pants and stuff. Yeah. And I get that. I get that that's I don't know, you're painting your pants and stuff. Yeah. I get that. I get that that's fun. But again, this Congress, though, it's really, I went, oh, this is dumb now.

Even sports, like the Rally Monkey, it had its time. And then it's like, this isn't a real thing. It's just a little stuffed animal. Knock it off. Knock this shit off. This is Trump's America. We're not doing this stupid shit anymore. Well isn't that every kind of religious ritual is a...

I don't know, how do they get started? I guess they get started and it's like a big deal. Because the white people who buy Stanley cups were so titillated that their pets had a new trick. They're like, oh look at the... these brown people have a new lovely dance. Isn't that amazing? I remember when it first came up, when the haka first happened, I was around some white people and they're like, oh yeah, you see them do that dance? That's fucking bad ass, dude.

And I thought, oh, this is not going to be, don't, don't do this, please. I posted about the haka, some guys were like responding and they're like, I mean, here's the problem is like, you know, I was in a high school football team and you know, these guys came over from New Zealand. It was going to be like a big game and they do this huge stupid dance, you know, to get everybody hyped up. Yeah. And then we crushed them like 68 to 12. It's like, ah, it kind of the announcer. You got to keep it lighthearted because you're not going to, what if you don't win win you can't be like dead serious about it We are a Warriors tribe. All right. Well, you just got your ass kicked by a bunch of white American boys. So

You know, maybe yeah, you guys are such good Warriors. Why did you have to sign a treaty in the first place? Why didn't you just kick all the white guys out with your incredible the abilities on the battlefield? And what was the age of consent with the ancient Maori tribes? Probably like nine or something. So you're doing a pedophile dance basically. Let's not forget that. I did want to say there's a bit of crossover with a problem of mine, the myth of the noble savage where everyone goes, look, I get the Maori dance is fun or whatever, but can we

stop pretending these people had mystical powers? They literally ate each other. They were just cannibals. And you're like, okay you know, yeah, yeah Well, that's an interesting piece of knowledge every time it comes. It's like an unskippable ad like a YouTube ad, you know Oh, we're starting the Haka like where's the skip? Oh 23 seconds Fuck just make it a fun goofy thing if you take it seriously, it's not fun anymore It's like oh, that's that thing that women do and they're mad that the bill on

fun anymore. It's like, oh, well that's that thing that women do when they're mad that the bill on the floor of Congress is not going their way. I'm going to win. When I get cancer, I'm going to win. I'm going to get a Make-A-Wish and call like a rugby game. It's always been my dream. I love rugby. And then it's going to be one for the All Blacks. I'm going to go, and thank you for that gay haka dance. And here comes the Majority to perform their traditional homosexual ritual, the haka. Let's see it, folks. That would really take the wind out of their sails. Wait, what did he just call the haka?

There we go. And of course, the strongest homosexual on the team will lead the haka. Shouting the loudest, because he's so gay. Let's hear it. Lubricated with all the dicks he's sucked over the years, that voice is loud and proud, folks. The origins of the haka predates the arrival of Europeans in New Zealand. Wow, dancing and screaming like an asshole predates any sort of, like, science. Incredible.

Could you believe that? Human beings as a culture developed this amazing... I look at that and I go, surely a white person had a hand in helping develop this. I'm surprised to learn this going ah Who first came up with this huh like angry Homer ah You think the first guy to do it European civilization incredible, huh? Someone wrote that yeah Well, at least it makes him happy. Someone wrote that.

Yeah. Uh, it's deeply rooted in Maori culture. It was traditionally performed for a variety of reasons, including welcoming distinguished guests. Wow. Hey, I'm here. Oh, we're gonna do that dance for you. Oh, don't worry. Don't do that.

You did it last time I came. I've seen it. Yeah, it was awesome. Couldn't top that. I don't want you guys to sully my memory of how good the first one was so let's just Leave feeling sick Earlier today I got a good one. I got off the plane. I don't need another one celebrating an occasion So there's gonna always be that guy like trying to sell it. I got a new job. Let me do a hock of it

No, no, no, it's not a big deal. It's not a it's not anything. Don't worry about it. It's not a worthy Yeah, I got this this shirt was on sale. Is that should we do? The spirit of your ancestors on this it's not important. Uh What was a little yeah celebrate or preparing for battle obviously, you You know you want to get hyped up So that's why it's gay is that it's a Warriors dance And it's a little lady ripping up a bill and I go you know warriors I'm like either stab the guy who wrote the bill or don't do the haka. This is stupid It's like what the white guys should do like like Hulk Hogan. Yeah, they should go like oh, yeah check this out

American Can all the what is the white version of the haka that we can do? They're like, oh yeah, check this out. I'm like, I am a real American. Can all the, what is the white version of the Haka that we can do back? It's WWF, dude. Yeah, I guess so. Pyrotechnics, and they're like, dude, like Stone Cold Steve Austin,

smashing beers in Parliament. Wailing on an electric guitar. Pretending to play an electric guitar while the track wails around you. Yeah, with the children and fucking fireworks shoot up behind you. Then I got a bunch of like crap here different types of Haka they gave some others variants Haka red and blue Haka gold and silver sounds like a Dungeons and

Dragons thing nice Kamati perhaps the most famous Haka composed by T Raul Padraja composed is that what you call it when you, alright, and then you're gonna raise your fist and go, eeeeh, and then you're gonna stick your tongue out and go, bleeeeh. That man is a great composer, I must say. It celebrates life over death. Telling the story of T. Rapawuraha's escape from enemies by hiding in a food storage pit and emerging victorious. He hid in a closet?

That's the fucking- That's the triumphant Haka story Wait a minute. This is like this is like the the money python he bravely ran away away Is based on a guy who hid in a clean up? There was a bunch of shit in there, and he just sat in the shit waiting for everybody to go by he chose life Yeah over fighting yeah, that's cool Why? He chose life over fighting. Yeah, that's cool. Wow, I didn't know that. So that's good. You learned that today You can use that to make fun of people make them feel stupid You know somebody likes the hockey so you know that's written after a guy It's about a guy who was hiding in a closet full of shit and crap like you yourself are hiding in the closet right now

For watching it. No, I'm not Shut up rugby's influenced the All Blacks, New Zealand's national rugby union team, have popularized the Haka internationally since they started performing Ka Mate before matches in 1905. This has led to global recognition of the Haka, often seen as a symbol of-

Yeah, it was fun as a dump sports thing, and now you're trying to make it something else, it sucks. It's over. It's over. Take them, keep it on the field. Keep it dope. It's over. It's over take them Keep it on the field keep it on the field folks. Yeah, okay. There you go. That's the HAKA That's my problem vote it up because it's annoying and you can't stop it or else they'll call you a racist You can't even say it's rubbish bin it. That's a good. That's a good secondary problem is stuff That's clearly stupid, but you can't call it stupid because it's racist to say that there's not much of that either

Like a pinata exactly. I don't like fuck pinata just stupid you know all that candy get away with that You can say like Juneteenth even you can say Juneteenth. That's stupid, but you know they don't care cuz you get off work But if you stock bahaka, you're done. It really depends on the situation. You're in you know some guys would go How could you say that about fucking? Situation you're in you know some guys would go how could you say that about fucking? Not Hanukkah, what's black Hanukkah Kwanzaa Kwanzaa You can say Kwanzaa stupid He's a con stupid in most situations I think we covered the history of Kwanzaa and you're like wait who invented it's like a guy who beat a woman with an electrical

Cord you're like that doesn't sound I'm gonna start celebrating and now I'm like okay Is that part of the celebration there's my hot that's my Hanukkah that's my Kwanzaa I'm gonna get my extension cords I'm gonna drink so much I think I'm Ike Turner yeah and then I'm gonna really do some Kwanzaa celebrating when dad brings out the Kwanzaa cord you know the holidays are in full swing all right children, line up! It's time to ring in the holiday. Time to celebrate. Martin Luther King or whatever we're doing here.

Alright. Uh, Dick, here's my problem. I got a story for ya. I had a baked potato recently and I got it at a restaurant. Didn't finish it. I brought it home. What do you do with a leftover baked potato? You eat it at midnight.

You clearly cut it into strips. You add a little oil to a pan. You make some fried potato skins, right? Oh, wait, how do you do that? That's how you make potato skins? Yeah, you just take the skin of the potato with like the- Really? Yeah, I just cut it into pieces

and I put it in a frying pan for two seconds. They come out good. Oh, man. So I made these delicious potato skins, just a little salt on there, kinda like potato chips. And then as I'm eating them, had a little bit of sour cream left over, I was dunking them in the sour cream.

Very good. You were dipping in sour cream? Dipping in sour cream. Not a lot of sour cream, a little dip, little dip. All right. Whatever. Anyway, as I'm eating these things, all of a sudden the plate that I have them on, two of them slide off the plate.

They're still slick with oil. And they're there on the kitchen floor. And I reach down and I grab them because of the five second rule, of course. Whoa. And then, you know. Oh, a sour cream. Well, they didn't have sour.

Those ones didn't have sour cream on them yet. But they were wet with oil. And then I looked at how the wet oil had absorbed the dirt from the ground. I went, I think I'm just gonna throw these in the trash, thankfully. I did stop myself. But why did I have that instinct, Dick?

I had that instinct because the myth of the five second rule, the lie that we were sold as children, that we believed, if you could just grab that food quick enough, you'd be safe. Yeah. And I want that world to be real. I want that to be true. We all do. Don't you want it is true for a lot of us? Well, you can have the constitution that it's okay. But like, clearly it's got nothing to do with the floor or the grabbing. It's just like You're taking your life in your own hands Yeah, okay. Yeah, I don't know about that. What do you mean? You don't know about my floor is clean

Sure, I just cleaned it. I just had it cleaned. It's a good. That's a good point. You make a good point Yeah, your floor is clean. Although you shouldn't have dirt on although Yeah, you have a you have a animal running around. I do. Yeah. You got a bunch of fur and dirt getting tracked in and whatever else. Well if I have fur on it it depends what it is. I'm saying though that that floor I mean maybe immediately after you clean it it's pretty good. I think it's true though. I think the five second rule is true. What do you mean you think it's true? You think bacteria doesn't transfer in the five seconds? Yeah. Interesting. So you mean you think it's true? You think bacteria doesn't transfer in the five seconds? I think it takes time.

Yeah. Interesting. So you're living in a convenient lie. You're living in ignorant bliss. Do you have any proof that says it's not? I do. No way. Dick, there are at least three different-

I think RFK put out a thing that said it was true. RFK's study said that as long as you're not vaccinated, you'll be fine eating anything. Yeah. But this one, there were at least three different studies, but they all kind of came to the same conclusion, so I just grabbed one of them. In one experiment conducted by researchers at the University of Nottingham in 2007, they decided to test the five-second rule. They dropped different foods, such as, and it seems they stuck to grains.

Okay. Well, no, they did all kinds of food. Wait, what? What's a, like bread? Well, like toast, biscuits, pasta. And they tested- Pasta? Okay. Well, yeah, but I'm not gonna eat pasta off the floor. Obviously not gonna eat pasta off the floor, but what if they had dropped the pasta and

they picked it up and they went, oh my god, pasta's incredible antibacterial properties. You gotta test it all. You gotta run the gambit, okay? This is why, this is why they waste so much money on these stupid studies. This is not stupid, this is good to know, okay? They found out, no matter what, I checked three different studies. The second the food touches the ground, boom, bacterial contamination. Now, if you leave it out, obviously there will be more bacterial contamination.

But it acquires, you know, it's not like the bacteria goes, oh, a new thing. It's just like it immediately jumps onto it. What? It immediately swarms over to it. How much bacteria is on it right away? A good amount. It depends. Well, it depends on the food.

It depends on this floor. Well, does it change? I need to see a graph that says like past five seconds, it's like the same. Or it goes whoop whoop whoop. I think I have seen that. I wasn't able to find it. But I think they tracked it. And they said, it's kind of negligible. It's like once it makes contact, it gets the same. Or it goes whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop whoop is actually that you can eat anything off the floor. Because wherever you put anything, it's the same as there's bacteria everywhere.

Kind of, in a way. It's kind of like, look, there's bacteria everywhere. If your floor is relatively clean, and you obviously didn't pick up a bunch of dirt and hair and whatever else, it's probably kind of almost the same as just dropping it on the countertop or whatever. I mean, if the floor is clean, the floor is clean. What are you going to do?

But obviously, a big thing is wet food such as watermelon that's gonna pick up way more bacteria. Yeah but it's wet so it's like kind of self-cleaning. It's a little sticky. Oh it's self-cleaning. No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no it's bad. No wet stuff on the floor. Okay again the pasta it's gonna the moisture. What about a drink? If you spill a beer you can obviously You can scoop that back No, all liquids are clean. That's not part of the five-second rule is only for solids. We know this Obviously surface type matters. They tested a contaminated stainless steel service that

Transmitted bacteria more readily than wood or carpet surfaces more. Yeah more Well, if because it was pre-contaminated. So they put like bacteria. Oh yeah, cause it's smooth. Yeah, cause it's smooth and like the surface areas covered in it. That's dumb. It's a little dumb.

But. These guys don't know what they're doing. They said even with wood and carpet, you would think with carpet there's like space between the fibers, you know? But no, even with. I would think that. You would think that.

I would never eat shit off cut Well, not never but I wouldn't eat I would eat shit off carpet the least if it was a cracker or like a cookie though I would eat it. You'd instantly eat it. You know, it's dry What could it have picked up but they said popcorn off the floor all the time bacteria transfer still occurred rapidly even on wood and carpeted Surfaces how much bacteria though like compared to just putting it on the table Again, it really depends because if it's fills on the table you're gonna eat it right well the point is most floors You're walking around on it. You got dirty shoes. You got pets running around okay? Yes, if you live in a fucking clean room Throw all your food on the floor and lick it up, okay?

But if you have an average dirty floor, okay. They haven't washed in a while. You need a Swiffer wet jet. I have a Swiffer wet jet. It doesn't do that much work. Right now. I've never used that shit. They're not good. They're not good. They don't pick up anything. You gotta be, you gotta, you can't rely. I'm just gonna say you can't go. It's safe. You gotta go. You gotta think about it. You gotta think it through. Yeah. But are you gonna do that? You're not gonna live by that rule, are you? I threw out my little potato danglers.

I threw out the two that dropped on the floor. You threw out? Two delicious potato skins. Potato danglers that you made? Yeah, I know. Because they dropped on the floor? I ate an- Just wipe it off.

I ate enough of them. I was like, eh, I don't wanna risk it. Do you not like germs? Well, I have cats, man. You can see the cat here. Oh, they got cat shit everywhere. Cat shit in a box and then they walk around with sand on their feet from the box they just shit in okay so anything on my floor is like a no-go for me I'm like no I don't even think I can tell if I'm eating something that's gross yeah

I've eaten just like shit with my hand like macaroni and cheese out of an old macaroni cheese pie with my hand That's like covered in like I'm pretty gross. I'll admit like I'm a pretty gross guy eating well in terms of like Like I'll leave something out for like eight hours, you know people like ah, you know bacteria's growing on I'm like, that's nothing my stomach can handle it. No, no, no, I'm trying to think the worst I ever What's the worst thing you ever eaten? I guarantee you I contaminated Yeah, I've gotten I've gotten I don't know I still don't get it like today

I went to put a piece of cheese on a sandwich And one of the pieces of cheese had mold the other piece of cheese looked good And there's like a so which one did you eat? I didn't use any of them though I went maybe that one slice fucked up the other slices. I've cut around the mold. I know, I've done that before. It depends on the cheese. I don't care at all.

I know. Well, that's true, because I haven't had too many adverse, I don't get like- I poured expired milk in my coffee three days ago that I noticed was expired, I was pouring it in, and then I saw clumps of it in the coffee when I was mixing it up, and I said, well, I don't want to make another coffee, so fuck it.

I get that. I've had that situation. Did you pour a lot of milk in before stirring it? No, no, no. You had a little bit of clumps. Yeah, a little bit of clumps. You're like, eh, I'll get over it. I almost just didn't look, because I'm like,

I don't want to go through the whole, like, whatever. I don't care. I'm one of those guys, though. Like, I remember my buddy, he bought this beautiful piece of salmon. He left it in the fridge too long, and it literally had that stink of death. And I'm like, that'll be fine if you just cook it long enough.

And every time I hear that Seinfeld episode where Frank Costanza makes all of his platoons sick in Vietnam, I thought I could spice it up every time. What was he cooking? I forget, he had all sorts of expired shit in there. I don't know. He ruined the whole battalion. Yeah. See, that's the problem, though.

I want to live in a unit. Honestly, just bacteria, the fear of bacteria is, you're like, I don't wanna have to worry about that. I just wanna cook this shit. You don't. How often do you wash your hands? I don't know, like when I go to the bathroom or whatever. Oh, OK. You know?

That's probably it. You've got to wash your hands about 20, 30 times a day. Maybe I need one of those hand sanitizers. Anytime I see a hand sanitizer dispenser, I use it. You use it? I love those things. Maybe I should just get one from my kitchen, just have it in the corner.

Get a big bottle. Yeah, but it's more fun when it's like one of those things come spittin' out at electronic speed. It says automatically. Anyway, my problem digs the myth of the five second rule. Wish it was true. The... I think it's true.

I think these studies that you've got are bogus. I remember watching a video and they said, they also tested double dipping a chip. And I remember being very interested in that. Cause you're like, how bad is it to double dip? What was the outcome? They said it was bad They said the second that chip touches your mouth and you go back into that dip Obviously and they have like a fucking 3d cut section of all these angry bacteria

What they need to say is if it's okay to flip it around. Yeah and Dispel that either prove it or disprove it. I think if RFK really cares about this country Mm-hmm. He will issue official five-second rule guidance for America It's okay That's too much Alex Jones, I don't Nah, that's too much Alex Jones. I don't Voice is pretty hard to do you see Alex Jones did a little flipperoo on the Sandy Hook parasite parents

Parasite I meant to say parents. I saw I saw the auction got called offer. Hey, do it. Yeah fake fake Yeah, it was I was arguing with Woody about the the Sandy Hook people. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's Alex Jones. It doesn't matter it is, they just take all that guy's stuff. I'm like, I don't think that's like America. Yeah, I don't know how that works. He's declared bankruptcy, right? The court just said, you're bankrupt, you get no defense, you get no jury, you lose. You're bankrupt, but the problem is that he lost, like a civil settlement can't be discharged in bankruptcy, right?

I don't know. So the problem is, to claim bankruptcy, he still owes them the billion dollars. And you're like, well, what the fuck does that even mean? What does that look like? Well. Why doesn't he just leave the country, or is he hoping Trump's gonna fix this for him?

Well, he doesn't, he just starts over. He's like, all right, I'm gonna take my, sell my shit. At some point, they're gonna garnish, they're gonna start garnishing his fucking wages and shit. I don't I think it's gonna get flipped. I think it's gonna get after the shenanigans I think it's gonna get flipped because of the onion. Wait, I don't know if that's gonna be enough to get it. You don't think so? But alright we'll talk about it. I think you should leave the country.

He can't pay a fee. Why? Because he's got a billion dollar settlement against them. They're just gonna keep. What would leaving the country he doesn't can't pay a billion dollar settlement against they're just gonna keep what would leaving the country do Then everyone in the world knows that idiot, okay? But I'm saying like it's really hard for them to possess the American government to possess your boat when it's parked offshore of fucking Cuba or whatever what's gonna do sit in a boat and is gonna eat the boat is gonna eat alpha brain supplements Don't make money ever give his money in like fecking Bitcoin and shit. He can make money in a different country. He can make money in this country!

Yeah, and he'll keep taking his shit and his money away! Yeah, they gave it back! They had to give it back! Because they, uh, because the onion- They didn't give back Infowars. Yes, they did! Because the onion and the Sandy Hook parents fucked it up! Because the judge and the parents conspired to be cute. Actually, that's my problem. Cute shit. Cute shit is my problem. What was it gonna be? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter now. Cute shit is my

problem. So Alex Jones. Infowars has gone as part of the settlement. He has to sell everything he has. Alex Jones did nothing. He's making a bunch of jokes about people who died like everybody does. Well, not jokes, but sure. Making a bunch of lies, whatever. Jokes, lies, same thing. Whatever. Whatever. He didn't do it.

He didn't hurt anybody. Right? Just words. Doesn't matter. It's true. He didn't kill nobody. He didn't hurt anybody. He did nothing physically to anybody.

He might have hurt people's feelings. I understand that. That's good. That actually should be rewarded. That's a good thing. I disagree on that point. So the judge came in, said, you're guilty, you don't get a trial, we're here to say how much you owe, and that happens to be a billion dollars.

And he goes, ah, I ate a bunch of chili, right? So then the parents, the parents and the onion put a bid in at the quote unquote auction, where they didn't put any money down, but they were gonna pay themselves, I guess, future revenue based on what the Onion could do with the Infowars IP. That's how they structured it?

And the judge said, you know what, that's not the most somebody bid, but that's the best somebody bid, so you guys win. So the Onion went out and cute shit more cute shit right did hey Hey, we are like a super Republican like you know Didn't we didn't need this we don't even understand how a venture capitalism works so this satire is way off base Yeah, we're like Globo Jim right and then the onion said that we now own info wars We're starting a new info wars site. They had a fake head of Info Wars

Yeah, it was like an ultra. Yeah, right wing. Globo tetrahedron. This is funny, right? Yeah, and then a bigger judge said hey, what's going on here? An auction goes to whoever pays the most money. Why is the onion? The people who put in the cutest fizz? Yeah, why is the onion dragging it around the city with cards of humanity? I bid a million dollars on this house. I bid two kittens and a painting I drew of some flowers. Oh, that's adorable. You can have the house. Yeah, take it. Cute shit. Cute shit is my problem. Whenever cute shit rears its ugly head up, it must be stamped down.

Yeah. Forever. It's the worst, it's the absolute worst thing there is. So the way it was explained- Huge shit is the big fat lady that showed up at Nick Fuentes' house. I'm like, hee hee hee, look at this, hee hee, ah, what are you doing to me? Ah!

I'm melting! The way it was explained to me was that the Sandy Hook parents were saying, we don't have any money, but Alex Jones owes us money. Yeah. So we're bidding the amount of money that Alex Jones owes us. And it's like, you don't have that.

That's not how it works. What are you talking about? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. And also, how come, maybe if you let me, maybe they were signing over parental rights so that the judge could go around shaking people down for money. Here's what I understand.

Because of some skeletons. Here's what I understand. Here's what I understand. Was this not a public auction? Also private. All the bids were private. But how is there a private auction? And apparently these were the only two people bidding. Was Alex Jones trying to get Infowars back

and the Onion trying to fuck around? Cute shit. Yeah. Because other people might have just given it back to him. Why can't we bid? Yeah. How much was Infowars? You remember, you ever heard that anecdote I'd have just given it back to them. Why can't we bid? Yeah. Huge shit. How much was Infowars?

You remember... Like a million bucks? You ever heard that anecdote about when bankers came in and took people's farms from small town communities and all the whole community would show up and hang nooses from the barn as an indicator? Yeah, so that no one else would bid? Yeah, and they'd say like a dollar and be like, that would be all the bids, and they would take it back and give it to the family.

Right? That's America. There's nothing cute about that. Well, no. America is one Jewish guy shows up and goes uh Actually, and then that's what the new says I've been a hundred thousand dollars, and then he just leaves down Yeah, exactly. I'll been a nickel on top of that. Oh He's got to leave town before the farmers get to you. You gotta move real quick I believe that?

I-I- Cute shit. It is very cute. Oh, God, I hate it. I mean, I'm happy because I'm like, oh, man, I don't want the onions stepping on my territory. I'm going to be the next Infowars as far as I'm concerned. They can't do it. I don't think they can do it.

See, that's the other thing, though, is I went, I don't think these cute little liberal guys who want to write political satire, they didn't know what to do with Trump at all. And I'm like they definitely don't know what to do with Alex Jones. In fact, the only attempt they've made to humiliate Alex Jones has made him look super cool and awesome. Yeah. Do you remember that Alex Jones song they put together that I still sing sometimes? No, what was it? It was the... it was all about making the frog. They just took clips of Alex... no, it was like... Making the Frogs, okay? Yeah,

it was like song about making the frog, but all the lyrics were like actual Alex Jones quotes. Yeah. I've had enough of these people. They're a bunch of Christian, Murr, and scum who have giant bad people. They're banging is alive and selling their body parts And I was yeah, this is just a good song like you guys fucked up. This is cool now. I remember when I I sold a show With my writing partner to spike TV and I remember being in some of the planning rooms and they're like there was some kind we were coming up with some kind of and they're like, there was some kind, we were coming up with some kind of brainstorming idea

to like get a girl in, like have like a competition to find like the hottest girl to represent the show. And then the guy, one of the guys goes, yeah, and we could have it in our contract that like she has to like take her top off at the end. And I'm like, ugh, this is that feeling. This is that feeling of you don't get it or what? This is like that cute shit feeling you get.

That's not... Why do you think... I get the feeling anytime I feel a guy do the elbow. Somebody will be talking and it's bad for them. Hey, see that chick over there? What if I fucked her in the ass?

I'm like don't fucking don't include me in this. It's like that classic Billy Madison with what's his name as the bus driver. I'll come back there. Yeah. No, no, no. The other bus driver, fucking Chris Farley. Yeah.

Where Chris Farley keeps, was it the same character? Where he goes, ah, you know, I had sex with her. Yeah. And then he goes, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. No. You can imagine. But you can imagine what it'd be like. My buddy did. My buddy did.

No he didn't. Yeah. 69. Leave me alone. Fucking stop. Yeah. Oh, we bought a section of Trump's border wall. Oh, god.

Look at this, sir. Oh, god. You know who keeps doing cute shit? Is that Cards Against Humanity. They're the worst. Fucking guys. Didn't they buy a tiny square of land on like the pipeline or something? They're like, oh you can't build a pipeline because we own one square of whatever.

Bluh, bluh, bluh. And you're like, you guys gotta get over the fact that you keep apologizing for the fact that when the game first came out it was actually funny and then all the liberals started playing and so you had to delete half the cards. There's a list of all the cards that have been banned from cards against humanity because the creator of it like has to keep running The liberal apology tour. Oh good. I'm so sorry. I put Passable transvestites as a card and I'm so sorry. I know there are none that are passable Objectified black men's dicks by having a big black dick card You know, we're kinder, more gentle cards against humanity.

I'm sure they hated that. I'm sure black people really were burning their cards against humanity packs. Yeah. So many black guys just love cards against humanity. The New Yorkers are cooking up good over here. Let me get the cards against humanity. All right, cute shit.

That's my problem. Cute shit. Have I done that one before? I don't know why I think I did I don't know I don't think so Okay, being cute cute shit Dick here's my problem look we were all children at one point Yeah, and when your child Sometimes you don't act right you know right wait I have to add this. What? Where I encountered so much cute shit is when all my payment processing got removed.

Yeah. And I would talk to people who would help and they would be like, you know what we could do is you could sell like bumper stickers. Right. And then. And you sell them for a nickel a piece. A nickel a piece and then.

But then the sales tax, we're gonna run it out of fucking Hong Kong where the sales tax is 3000%. And then what we do is, and then that adds up, and then that becomes your subscription. And I'm like, man, I really just like, I really wanna cure mankind of this compulsion to be cute and do cute shit. It's a big fucking waste of everyone's time.

It's embarrassing, and it's gonna fuck up, it's gonna fuck a lot of people over what you're saying. Well you know what, the tax code does result in a lot of people having to do cute shit. If anything, we gotta simplify the tax code, because it's like, yeah, to zero, great idea. Here's what we're gonna do, right? Okay, so we move all the factories to Ireland, right?

But then you claim residence. Yeah, it's like cute shit society. In this part of Antarctica, there's two Eskimos living there. You have to pledge allegiance to their sea god, and then you have an effective tax rate of negative 5,000%. And really, you're putting everything in perspective. Like the town of Vernon, like five miles from here,

doesn't even exist. Yeah. They've got a city council. It's just all cute shit. Oh, it's like fake. It's not registered in any way? Oh, it's registered. But there's nobody that lives there.

It's just an industrial town for crime. That's awesome. There's a lot of cute shit going on, and thankfully guys like Trump are gonna put a stop to that. Man, okay, I do your problem. Less cute bullshit. As a child, sometimes you do things in the heat of them, you know, and just flippantly, you're just gonna,

I'm a kid, I'm fucking around, I'm having fun. You don't realize that at the time, your peers are forming core memories That will stay with them for the rest of their life And then perhaps years later you find out that not only did you form a core memory for someone but that it is a horrible memory for which they have been Suffering with for a decade. Oh, you were a bully. Is that what you're saying? I guess so by accident. Okay. What a mouthful that is. So my problem is finding out that I guess maybe that is a better way of putting the problem is finding out you were a bully. Finding

out that, you know, you thought everybody was just having a good time, but in reality, the things you were doing were very hurtful you doing? Hurtful to people well this one was specifically You're gonna need a towel for your glasses on this one I know what is going on? Somebody sent in these for you Oh are they like super? Pre-moistened wipes I need the ones that add like a

I need to get the film on them they have like special film to cause your glasses not to fog Like your scuba guys? Alright so uh So you were a bully. I don't think I was a bully. It's more that like I bullied someone by accident. You were their bully. Only one time. Look, it's like you did a bully incident.

You thought it wasn't anything. And you find out years later that you're a horrible person. What did you do? It really. Did you turn someone trans? Almost. It's on theme. So they killed themselves?

I'm at a party, right? I'm at one of these cool high school drinking parties, right? OK. You know, and I think it was with the older kids, you know, a year older than me. Did you have all your hair back then? I did have all my hair. Well, no, actually, my hair started falling out

when I was young. I remember I did not have thick hair. So we're all hanging well, no actually my hair started falling out when I was young. I remember I did not have thick hair So we're all hanging out, you know, everybody's drinking. I'm at a good time and there was this kid Josh Patulic who hopefully is not listening to this and Josh and I like Josh Josh was a really cool kid You know, I wanted to be front to Josh But again, he was like a it was a grade higher than me. We didn't get to hang out too often and Really you're really bullying up. I was bullying up in this situation.

Cause I didn't know I was bullying. So he comes through, he comes through the door. He's all excited. You know, all his friends are having a party. Nice. And your bully vision kicked in and you're like, I look across the room and I go, Oh, Josh is coming in. You know, I go, I should yell something. You know, so I went, Hey, Josh is coming in you know I go I should yell something you know so I went hey Josh is gay And he froze in his tracks and his eyes went fucking wide and his face turned white and As far as I remember the party just went on and everybody was having fun. You know? So we just went back down to the party.

Dude, this is so, this is so you and your obliviousness, like, to other people. Oh, I got that guy, I got that guy. I can't fucking believe, for no reason. I got that guy with that classic, you know, it was like the 90s or the 2000s, you know, and you go I look at look at that gay guy. He's gay everyone Josh is gay You know as a goof cuz you know, what is the good? Don't remember exactly were you friends with him? Oh, like, you know, we knew each other we saw each other around You know, I'm just having fun at the party just wanted to get it. I see him walk in and go

Hey guys, I don't know if you heard, but Josh is gay. Is he gay? We all had a laugh. So years later, Josh, no, at the time, Yeah, yeah. Okay, so years later, Josh comes to me, I think we're online,

and he goes, hey Josh, I haven't seen you in forever. He goes, yeah, I've just been living life, me and my boyfriend. I go, ah, that's great. You're so uncomfortable that you've turned into Norm MacDonald. I've forgotten about this party entirely I do not remember this whatsoever. He goes do you remember there was this party in high school and I came in the door and You pointed at me and you yelled. Hey everybody. Josh is gay. I Went yeah, I do kind of remember that. He goes, yeah, well I was gay.

Nobody knew that at the time because I would have got the shit kicked out of me and I would have been bullied mercilessly. And you just, how would you have gotten bullied? You were in high school after me. Where did you grow up? I'm just saying, it was still like, know the gay kids were like we had gay kids But they were the gay kids like oh, I can't wait for third period Josh was like a normal. You know just like

Not normal, but you know Sucking dicks by the way exactly so I'm like hey, man You know I get it, but uh look all I know is like. So I'm like, Hey man, you know, I get it. But, uh, look, all I know is like, you know, I was like, Oh, that's just a funny shitty thing to say in a high school party is to go, ah, that guy's a, he's gay. He's a fucking queer. Look at this homo. I don't remember. I probably called him the F slur. I said, look at this F slur, cock sucking F slur or something. Yeah. I don't remember. But of course I didn't do that from a place.

Did anyone react? I think some people like looked over and they're like, ah, yeah, he is gay, you know? And then we kind of went around our, you know, about to our normal party. We didn't get hung up on it or anything. You're like the opposite of Kramer. Like you're saying these things for no reason.

And it harms people. I don't remember exactly what I said, okay? But it was something along the lines of, look at this F-slur coming into the party to suck everyone's dick. That would probably be what I have said, okay? And he said, you know, that really, I really worried that you had somehow figured out

I was gay and was gonna tell everybody. How would you have known? I don't know, you know? I don't know. I do know one kid in my high school though who had a incest fetish because he left a, he left a fucking floppy disk in the computer one time. And of course you got snooping, right, for it.

No, I just said, oh, there's a floppy disk, what's in here? Right, snooping. It was all of my buddy's schoolwork and then a shit ton of fucking incest fan fiction. And I was like, oh my God, all right. Jesus Christ. And then what did you do? I was like, oh my god. All right

And then what did you do? I didn't do anything with it dress up as his mom and go into class I'm not but I forgot about that. I still talk to that guy. I should ask you as you play How's your mom doing? I just sister doing whatever all the incest guys are fine. They're normal So yeah finding out you were a bully and finding out that you a poor little closeted gay kid at a party. Did he get his ass kicked? No, no, he got he played it off perfectly He was expert at being closeted. He made it work So maybe in a way I helped him is like, you know, he figured out oh, you know, some guys are just gonna yell Hey, you're gay and you gotta go. I'm not gay. You're gay. You know I gave him a little bit of confidence there antagonize the bully That's what people recommend I

Forget when we had the conversation where he broke this to me, but it was over text I don't know if it was you know it was like on Facebook messenger So I don't know if he was like upset about it or thought it was funny He was probably upset as a teenager yeah the fact that he held on to it that long he was terrified Yeah, he was terrified. Yeah, he was terrified. I put the fear of God in him. He thought I was gonna uncloset him. You know, I was gonna, what do they call it, out this man.

What did he do to deserve that? He must have done something. I don't buy your... I was busting balls! I was trying to bust balls! I love that guy. I probably shouldn't have said his name on the show, but whatever. He's a good guy. So now you're fucking him over a second time. I think he is out now. Oh yeah, so I hope.

I think he is. Ah shit. Uh... Hahahaha! I'm pretty sure now he is. Like he must be at this point, right? Your big deal was like, your big thing was like boundaries, right? Right. And having them.

Well, you know, obviously from my high school experiences, I've learned that sometimes I can overstep boundaries sometimes you didn't knock again today. I told you last week Well, I had all that stuff in my hands Can I knock and then enter You'll get a come in okay. I'll knock in that answer. I might not have pants on I might be jacking off in here You don't know and then I got to pretend. I had a bunch of stuff in my answer. I might not have pants on. I might be jacking off in here, you don't know. And then I gotta pretend I wasn't. I had a bunch of stuff in my hands. I was like, oh my God, I can't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's always a reason. I will knock, I will knock. I've learned boundaries. I've learned that if there's a shy gay kid who's just trying to have a fun time with his friends. How did you not know he's gay? I didn't seem gay. Back then, people knew how to not act gay back then.

I had a lot of friends who knew to not act gay back then I had a lot of friends Never who knew to not act gay and then later, you know, I got one guy. I was like I was just a normal guy Well, he was really into like emo shit. He was into like MCR. That was probably a yeah, and then years later He's like a drag queen. I'm like, well, I didn't see that coming We should make it a habit to point it out right away to help kids that guy actually moved to LA We should have him on the podcast. He's fun who the gay guy. Yeah, he's uh, no the other the my drag queen friend In drag, I don't know if you would do drag why they never do it when you want. Have you noticed that? It's a big fucking thing. So what I'm nothing I

Can see it's only when I don't want to drag is the drag happening. Oh, man. I really don't want any drag right now Oh, hello. I'm Christy Tinkle tits like About next time you have a party. I'll do drag just to entertain you. I don't want you to do drag Well, that's a drag you don't get to choose who's doing it my friend If you did we'd only have the fun drag queens said you got to keep the ones that want to read your kids for some reason They really they sneak up on you. Yeah, I don't know why. Anyway, finding out your- Anytime I get the hint of someone not wanting me around

like kids cuz I'm drunk, I'm out. I don't wanna ruin your me experience. And I go- People are like, yeah, now I'm doubling down. What if I came back wearing a dress? Would that be okay? No, that would definitely be worse. I'll paint up my face like a clown infinitely worse How you might be trans yeah, and it's gonna be like allegories

So you can't really explain to them the weirdness of the book. I think we're gonna get a I think the trans Queen Store well the okay. Here's the here's the thing is again. I grew up in these liberal towns Where every doesn't sound like it sound like I grew up in these liberal towns where every- It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you grew up in a queer stomping town. Well no, but we had like a, you know, there was a- I grew up in a liberal town. I grew up in a liberal town, but at the time the kids were all, you know, trying to be a little rebellious, a little edgy or whatever else, okay?

Yeah. But regardless, I'm from one of these crunchy hippie towns where if they said, hey, a drag queen is going to read your kids, you'd go, oh my God, and you know you know and you'd run over there like every family in that town wants to do that the problem is when they started going and we're doing it in chicago and you're like well don't do it there keep it in the fight it was fun when it was in the stupid hippie town where everybody's gay anyways what's the exact same in chicago they do it everywhere they do it drag queen and we're doing it in dallas we're gonna have drag queens starting out in d Dallas. Just don't do it there Keep it in the hippie town. Just don't

Just don't do it. I grew up right on the border from where Ezra Miller was Kidnapping 14 year olds to work on his farm or whatever the fuck I mean the amount of stuff I don't do yeah, cuz I don't want to mess stuff up for our side is a lot Okay, I guess it's not I could easily not read to kids. Right. You know? Well guys, if you're in high school right now, you don't have to worry about this, because everyone in your class is gay. So in a way- That guy should get a free shot on you. Yelling, that guy's not gay would probably be more hurtful. He can have a free shot, I'll give him one. Like a punch. Yeah, that's fine. He should be able to pepper spray you, like he should be able to recreate Nick Fuentes. I'd show these gay

I didn't kill the guy That's that's bad. Yeah, and then you outed him today. I did out him today Cuz I like that guy Are you have a crush on him? I haven't talked to him Was that like a little boy hitting a little girl on the playground? No, he was just a really funny guy. I remember, there was a couple guys, do you remember one of those guys in high school who were just really funny and you were like, God, this guy is so fucking hilarious.

Me. Yeah, well I tried to be one of those guys. He made a, he made some good stuff. Uh, Is he a comedian now? There was this one kid, Oswan. I gotta get Oswan to come on the show.

Man, Oswan was one of these guys who if YouTube had existed- Isn't that the guy from Narnia? Yeah, he's the guy from Narnia. The lion? He's the kid I went to high school with. If YouTube had existed four years prior to when YouTube existed, this kid right now would be like the biggest superstar in the world. And it's just tragic. He was just always filming the craziest shit like what we had a we had a

What do you call it our library the school library? Had one of those things like if you try to steal a library, but you had to like scan the library books So people would like every book yeah And he was like recording prank videos just going to kids backpacks and putting giant fucking dictionaries in there, dude It was so funny and the kid walking out and then he had like he had a group of like 20 kids and when the thing went Off they went that kid was stealing books I saw him stealing books get him grab that fucking kid and the librarians feel like can you open your backpack? Man, he was doing the best you guys had cameras in high school. Yeah, we had a we had an AV school

It was off AV Club was great. I spent all of my time there. We had no we only had real tits. Yeah. No pics of tits. Oh man. I somehow managed to convince the high school that I was gonna do an AV study course one-man elective or something. Okay. So I just got to hang out in the AV room and pretend to write a movie script while I just dicked around. And now you continue to do that today. And now I continue to do that. There you go. Pretending to write a comic. All right, I wrote a script. All right.

That's the show, patreon.com slash biggest problem. Check out our bonus episode. Yes, biggestproblem.show. Vote on all the problems. And we've got to do a new bonus episode. Our last bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Elections. Yes. You can hear our predictions for who's going to win.

Okay, here we go. Because they are very relevant now. All right. Veto. Wait, did you see Darkside Phil is starting a political talk show now? The week after elections, he goes, I'm gonna start a politics show.

Okay, first of all, who wants to hear Darkside Phil talk about politics? I don't even know if he knows what politics are. No, of course he doesn't. It's been the same thing with Stuttering John. Stuttering John has been like, I was watching a WATP clip and they're like bringing up like the senators

who got elected. He's like, what do people keep talking about, Sally, are you trying to troll me? And they're like, no, that's the new cabinet person. Trump's just like, oh, I should probably learn that for my political show. How do you not? All right.

Vito, I love you. I also called them the Chao Semirals. The Chao Semirals! See? No kid knows how to pronounce chaos! That doesn't look like chaos at all! It starts with a C! C-H! What other- What about cake? Cake starts with a C! Cake is not supposed to- A C-H? Yeah, if it- Okay. What else starts with a C cake is not C H Yeah, okay, what else starts with a car noise? It's not loose it's me the biggest problem in the universe blue balls, I just moved to Portland, Oregon

Guys, I've been I was mapping out my loot route. I was expecting Trump to win and there to be riots. I live right downtown, not a single fucking riot. Not even a, they boarded up all the businesses cause they were expecting riots. Nothing fucking happened, just sleepy, quiet, boring. Like the Sora's check sitting go through or something. Fucking bullshit guys. What the fuck?

I wanted some loot. I sent you a text. I said we got to be ready to film in case things pop off. I know you said that. I'm like, well first of all, I'm not going to fucking jail. We don't have to loot. We just filmed the looting. Bro, Jay Johnson didn't do shit. He's going to fucking year in prison. If Trump lost, and there was shit, I don't want to be there. You gotta be an impartial third party. I'm very partial though.

And when they ask you why you're there, you have to go, I wanted to make sure Nancy Pelosi's laptop was saved. I was very concerned. You guys, you're an obvious liberal. I wanted to make sure no podiums were touched or taken. I don't know. What are you gonna riot over? Like the rioting, the pussy hat riot and black people rioting, that's a no brainer.

But people are broke. I will say, obviously I'm upset that Jay Johnson is getting a year in prison for his participation in the January 6th insurrection. Did you see the picture that they showed in court though, where he was at a Halloween party dressed as the QAnon shaman after he was facing trials for Jan 6th? And I went, Jay, bro, that's not a good idea.

Why would you post that picture, Jay? Why wasn't that at my party? I'm like, that's really funny, but dude, if you're actually facing Jan 6th charges, please don't dress as the QAnon Shaman for Halloween party, bro. I could not believe that. I went, ugh, that's a bad look. You put that in front of a judge. I'm taking this very seriously. Yeah, why'd you dress up as that guy? Aaaaaah.

You know, it's just a goof. I was like, ah, fuck. Oh man. I think they brought, they did bring it up in court. I'm like, oh man. Speaking of trials. Your lawyer would say that. Oh, man, I think they brought they did bring it up in court. I'm like, oh speaking of trials your lawyer I know this is a hot topic hot button for you, but Eric July might have to take the stand. We will see I don't believe you know who you know who is gonna be on my show

Voldemort short short It's gonna be on my show on Monday Well Monday you gotta move the show. Cause he's gotta travel to get over here. Yeah, he denied, he turned down the plea deal. Which is great because he's innocent. You shouldn't, prosecutors abuse the threat of lawsuit. Of prosecution against you.

When they know they don't have a case. Does that mean he needs more money to fund this? Well he's definitely gonna need more money. But now that it has to go to trial in America you have a right to face your accuser and his accuser But his accuser is the state The coward, no, it's Eric Jalai

I don't think Eric Jalai has to testify Have you ever testified against somebody who stole shit from you? No Then you don't know The cops, you as the defendant, absolutely have a right to challenge your accuser But I think they can admit his statements into the record now Well, how you gonna challenge those statements sure I Don't think are you waiting on Vicky versus side. I just don't think he's gonna have to testify

Do you understand how showmanship works at all? I'm not a part of this show. It's had nothing to do with me Oh, you're just like stumping him on purpose out of spite. No, I just. Unbelievable. You're right. It's the most incredible thing. It's unbelievable. It's the most incredible thing. I can't believe it. I can't wait. I can't wait for the other colors. It's unbelievable. The real fuckabilly of the problem in the universe is rich people during the Bidenomics are telling you that life was just fine and dandy and affordable. Rich people who are unaffected by the things like shutting down drilling drilling for oil in our own company

Or company Wow country Saying you know they're like oh no look at these numbers these numbers the government would never lie to work two minutes 28 seconds that I know what you're saying sir Hey, Dick. Hey Vito. Hey, haveall ever seen the Meow Meow AI art on Instagram? No. If you haven't, y'all are looking up. That shit's fucking hilarious. I saw a little AI cat dressing up. Did this guy leave a voicemail to tell us to watch TikTok videos? Are you serious?

This is not what the voicemail situation is for. Get out of here! I don't want to look that that up so the biggest problem in the universe are the UFO hearings they always go the same fucking way somebody says hey our aliens are real and the person being interviewed just says well I can't tell you that like then what the fuck is the point of the hearing like because of quarter people are retarded that's the best the point of the hearing like because of quarter people are retarded that's the best the point of that. Aliens are real we make contact and they have type of

if you don't say that then what the fuck is the point of this goddamn hearing I don't know why would the hearing exist if there was aliens I don't I don't know what's going on with that UFO stuff man I know some guys who are like super into it they're like oh my god you I'm like how does it change your life like what do you do with that information there's something out there yeah okay okay and you saw it yeah all right there's a bunch of guys in Africa you'll never talk to you that's the exact same as the guys in the spaceship she'll never talk to either who cares because they can build cool

flying shit do you even know how our flying shit works? No, they don't know. See, what's the difference? It's just a thing in the air to you. Explain how a jet propulsion engine works. I don't know, but man, anti-gravity, huh? Wow, Vito really hedged his bet by making you that men are better than women cheesecake. If Trump wins, you have to eat your book, and that's funny. But if Kamala wins, then at least Vito gets to fatly eat. At least Vito gets a cheesecake. I think you made that joke too.

Did you guys eat any more of that cheesecake? I ate a couple. It's not bad. It's out of the middle. It's so gratifying to get a cake and eat right out of the middle. And just not have to eat it correctly. Yeah. Not cut a slice.

I got fucked everybody. That Sara Lee cheesecake is not bad. OK, last one. I did buy that cake after Trump had already won, though. So I Sarah Lee cheesecake is not bad. Okay. Last one. I did buy that cake after Trump had already won though. So I knew that you did. Oh, I just have a cheese freezer full of cheese. You're the fucking vetoes Twitter right now. This guy is a fucking scumbag, man. This guy goes on for three hours on the Dick show. He takes over a perfectly good dick show episode to whine about oh it's my property guys it's my property if you come on my property i might have to kill you i might have

to call the police oh no i didn't say that he goes on this big fucking rant threatens to quit the show throws a fucking came from the show because somebody comes on his property no one came on my property when nick flint has this dumb cunt granny and her three friends mind you there was three people Besides the granny decides to come on to his property Knock on the door ring the doorbell and then lunge forward a tad bit lunch that No right to pepper spray that bitch Fuck you veto all right so to be clear. I have the right to pepper spray anyone who comes near me Yes near you. Yeah in my on my prop. I don't want to say the magic words

Well be specific. Would you near you? No, you can't just write but if they come to my door I can if you think they're menacing. Yeah, man. What do you mean? All right? No, I'm just saying hey, let's play it by You're getting well, are you gonna if you're getting death threats and there's people milling around Yeah. Alright. What do you mean, alright? No, I'm just saying, hey, let's play it by ear. Well, are you gonna, if you're getting death threats and there's people milling around and then... Okay, so there has to be death threats. Um, well there has to be a sense... I've gotten death threats.

Do you like, do you not understand the concept of being in danger? Do you understand the concept of people thinking they're in danger? Okay, so Nick Fuentes was in danger from that lady. Do you understand the concept of people feeling like they're in danger? Do you believe that Nick Fuentes was in danger from that lady. Do you understand the concept of people feeling like they're in danger? Do you believe that Nick Fuentes... Do you understand the concept of people feeling like they're in danger? Sure. So yes.

Okay, yes. Yes, okay. So do you think someone who feels like they're in danger in their house has a right to respond with some amount of force? So Nick Fuentes thought he was in danger. Yes. From that lady. Yes, would you not? No, I don't think I would.

So let me get this right. You get tens of thousands of people online saying they're gonna kill you, and that you should be killed, and going into graphic detail about how they're going to literally kill you. Right. And then a bunch of them show up,

a bunch of weird big fucks show up outside your house yeah they mill around then they approached the door and you in that scenario wouldn't feel any sort of danger but you did feel danger about a little fat guy in a cape who said he's gonna put pig's blood in your car and let liberate your cats well I didn't feel mortal danger I didn't feel like like physically threatened what other kind is there? I have my privacy invaded It's a different situation Yeah, it is. One is real. Okay. Yeah, what do you got there? Thank you. All right, let's do super chats

Let's do super chats. Is this thing where like two events happen, and you go, oh, see, it's the exact same thing? Yeah, it's really not at all. No, the Knicks is 100% real, and yours is not real in any way. Right, because they're completely different. Because one is real, and one is hysterical. No, I could have my privacy invaded. That's very possible. But no one cares about that.

I do. No one else. That's fine. No one else has to care about it. I don't care if anyone else cares about me having my privacy about me. You don't care about Nick Fuentes getting killed and responding in kind to a threat. If Nick Fuentes needs to stop himself from being killed, I support his ability to stop himself from being killed. That's fine. Or hurt. Yeah, if he's gonna be physically murdered, if that lady was gonna stab him in between the ribs.

Was she? Very possibly and he should take every action within his rights to stop it, I agree. You seem very glib with a, Jesus Christ, is this only whiskey? What are you? You didn't put anything in it. You just let me drink that without seeing the ginger ale? What the fuck's the matter with you?

I just had a straight whiskey. Jesus Christ! Good luck. All right guys guys get your super chats in Remember the Nick Fuentes defense fund needs all the help we can get cool for two. Thanks for not killing yourselves Cardinal why didn't you do this? Maybe you don't want to top it off Cardinal for five we love veto Synthetic shinobi for five biggest problem are those broken edges of your toenails that snag your bedsheets or socks.

You gotta trim your toenails, but I do get what you're saying. Synthetic for another five, Dick, your manic episode in the last 10 episodes of PKA 726 was so powerful, it made Taylor brave enough to say the F slur. Yeah, it was great. You guys gotta watch.

I really went in on Hutch big time. I can't believe, wait, did Hutch come on or you were just talking about him? No, I was just doing victory laughs. I get the feeling Hutch will not ever want to appear with you ever again. He'll be in jail. Yeah for misinformation. Trump's America we gotta put a snap to it. Synthetics, you know we five, I never thought I'd see a PKA appearance. Will you finally grill Woody a little bit for his Wib shit? Hey you gotta grill the the wood. Unless you're usually you're a cordial guest in cordial guest mode.

Thanks, Dick. Well, you know, I'm trying different stuff with liberals now and just kind of like asking them. Really what is your what is your relationship with Woody? Like, do you feel like he likes you or does he feel like I love Woody? Yeah, I feel like we're the last time I was on on PKA though, Woody was like really nice and appreciative. He goes, oh, I'm always so happy when we have you on.

I'm like, is it because you usually got all these conservative guys yelling about stuff or what? What is it? It was nice. It was a very nice thing he said. Woody is, he's my, he's close to my age, you know? So obviously like there's more of a connection. You guys can connect on that, yeah.

And he does, he is a, he really does, he really is a nice guy. Like, he wants nice things for people. He's a super nice guy, yeah. I just think he, like, buys into the narrative too much, you know? He is one of these guys, cause I remember I was on that show,

and I'm like, what do you think about the Proud Boys getting arrested at Jan Six? And he's like, oh yeah, absolutely. I'm like, okay, now explain to me what they did. And he goes, I don't know. And I'm like, isn't that kind of a problem, right? They're like, you don't really know what they did. They were text messaging or something.

So last night, when I said, he was talking about Alex Jones, and I was like kind of saying a little bit of like that Alex Jones didn't do anything wrong Right. He immediately goes he's very somber and he's like what do you do? It's horrible to those people and he deserves, you know taking everything away from him I said like do you think do you think all of the stuff that happened is Like he got due process basically you think Alex Jones was granted due process in America and what he said?

Absolutely, and then the very next, a federal judge came in and said, you did not get due process here. This is fucked up. You guys are fucking around. For the auction specifically, right? Yeah. So there's a disconnect there. The way that they just laid out a billion dollar judgment,

you go, that's like the judgment you would do on Hitler for gassing a bajillion people. Not a guy who went, I don't think Hitler gassed a bajillion people. Yeah. The numbers don't add up. Tesso for 10 says Christ is king. God bless our Lord and Savior. Synthetic Shinobi for two, oh yeah, Hutch blokes, blows 100 cocks.

Just don't tell him that in high school. He might internalize it forever. LJ Clauberino for five. Last night I did great play with my wife consensually. Our women misunderstood her just freaks. They love rape. It's like documented. They're very turned on. Who doesn't love rape? It's a fun, you know, I get it. You know, you know, I get it. Sometimes, you know, you'll have a girl and you go, hey, I'm going to do stuff to you. And she's like, oh, yeah, yeah. Black Crimson for Five Australian Things for Sex. Thanks for not killing yourselves.

Thank you. Synthetic Shinobi for two. Dick, Hutch is a race trader master. Oh, yeah, I did say Hutch is a race trader. Yeah. Someone just make a super cut of all the horrible things Dick says about Hutch Cause I feel like I would enjoy watching that It was about 5 minutes of me uninterrupted laying in on Hutch

Clip Sama or any other related clip channels I think the Dick Hutch super cut is something people are going to want to see Yeah that was a good one Hippie Terrace for 5 minutes And it was at 4 hours so I had no energy left and was still like Just still making it happen. He's running on a pilot. He's thinking about these liberal fucking F-slurs.

HippieTerrorist45 looks at the gay team guy, found a new team, but seriously lacks swees. Episode might be my favorite one. Guys, the PO box is in the description. Send me some MAGA hats, cause I can't find any good ones. Yeah, you guys don't need them anymore. Yeah, you don't need them anymore.

If you got any extra ones. Britsman for two, does dick have a gigantism fetish? Absolutely not why would you say that? Frogwashing for five it's fun to say at the YMCA because Superkiller is late and gay. Shitlips no matter who wins tonight's fight Maddox is still the real loser that's true Lawrence Devaney for two I'm with soda pop somebody criticized my reading abilities in the comments of last week and I'm like well, I have my eye Yeah, the depth perception was this is a bad eye First of all, this I sucks really one eye is way harder to read because they're they're both shitty on everybody Diamond G for two and a half bring back the the bomb hostage Vito. No, that one's bad.

Oklovic for two. From turning a 180 to late, gay, and weighty. Oh, okay. The dude mine's for 89 for five. The biggest problem in the universe is Vito won't release his comic book. Can't wait for the 2054 release date. I know no one believes me, but the comic is looking real good and very close to completion. I know you don't believe me.

It's always like Zeno's fucking comic book. There was some stuff that I went, you know what, I had to send it back to the artist, we had a big fight about it. And I said, we gotta fix this stuff. And we fixed it and it looks awesome. You and your artist are like Angela and Tony Danza, who's the boss.

We are more like a guy holding a Mexican hostage with the promise of enough money to pay his rent, I think. Cab and cheese for two. How the hell was the show still early? The early show's still late. Azuka Menoff for ten. Vito Dirty Dalish challenges you to a stream date. She says you won't join because you're scared and also fat and maybe even gross. She also said stop pronouncing her name wrong. How do you pronounce her name? Dalish? Dalish? Dalish?

Dalish. Yes. What is a stream date? We can just talk. You jack off. It's real fast. You hop on. She says stuff.

Jack off. Well, I guess I'm, it says, what did she say? I'm scared of this? She said you're scared and also fat and maybe even gross. That's why you're not doing it. Maybe gross? No, I'm gross. You're titillated by the idea of a stream date.

What is this about? See, here's the thing. People go like, you gotta come on, we're gonna like face off, and I go, I don't know you. I don't know anything about you. Well, that's what the date is for. That's what a date is for. These people go like, yeah, I've been feuding with Vito, I've really got him on the ropes, and I go, who the fuck is this? I don't even fucking know big-league in veto This person

Stop pronouncing my name wrong. I don't fucking know you are dirty dag Fucker or whatever the fuck. I don't know strategic here for five damn it too early No time to think Chuck Dix in my ass. Nobody wants that what's happening? Damn it, too early. No time to think. Chuck Dix in my ass. Nobody wants that. What's happening? K-Gon's postal.

K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal.

K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal.

K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. K-Gon's postal. I've left too many $2 chats in a row.

I appreciate you. Thank you, K-Gon postal. For Terdry for two, Vito has the same eyebrows as my avatar. Second Genesis for five, I'm just clad my best friend Vito. Just having a good time. Dekasugi, Chinsuki for five. Dearest Vito, what's the size of your manhood? I need to ensure your katsu model is maximally accurate for our club activities. Oh, do you know what they're doing?

No, like a porno. They Okay, what is it quite? What is it? It's quite cut so it cuts. It's like a porno porno like a 3d Anime looking game. Yeah, they have you like Having sex with all these underage girls in like bathrooms and stuff. I think I've seen GIFs of this, is that correct? Yeah, it's pretty funny.

I think somebody made a- I'm doing the discord. I think somebody made a Vito Chan like avatar as well. Yeah, you're fucking her. Yeah. How old is she? Her dick should be about 12 inches for accuracy. Okay.

How old is she? Yeah. You know, she's a high schooler so any age could be anything Yeah, if you don't chance just a nice little a Japanesey schoolgirl living in Osaka, Japan What's the high school? She's a half Japanese half? Half Italian and she's showing those Japanesey motherfuckers how to have a good time Shredder 90 for 10 Australian hate ticket veto you may need to sue a pet store trainer Australia is now rebranded as pet-o. Well pet-o existed and now they're taking over. The pet-o nation. Yeah they're taking over

other pet stores. We are the original pet-o community. Yes the pet-o community is here. So we will be suing them. Jump420 says just now realizing Vito must be for real depressed. The best things in his life is a podcast where the entire audience calls him fat and a comic book that's never coming out because of said audience. Well, the audience is not the reason it's not coming out. The depression is.

Yeah, the depression is. Well, the cause of the depression is. Yeah, I'm doing fine. Everything feels great. I've got a very positive attitude. I would have killed myself already. And we had a great, you know what? I think now that Trump's in office, you know, it's just smooth sailing from here. It also helps that my stocks are up, except for Hems, which dropped for the exact reason

Dick said it would. I said, Dick, you got to buy Hems. He goes, what if Amazon makes healthcare? I go, they're not going to do that. And then Hems dropped 25%. No, I knew they would. And they already announced. I know it's gambling. I'll sell a bunch of it. Laying straight for five. How did you get into crypto? I'm not gonna do that and then him drop 25% No, I knew they would and they already announced

I know it's gambling. I'll sell a bunch of it. Lay in straight for five. How did you get into crypto? That's where the real gambling is because it's also gambling. Yes, but it's just like straight-up gambling There's none of this like the P&L's you're not to pretend to know any of this accounting shit I just I think AI companies that are doing good will make money Palantir is joining the S&P. Layton Straight for 5, here from PK Gay, TBS and TDS viewer, since 2023 now. Can't wait for Project Superkiller 2025.

Max of Man and Cheese for 5, don't worry guys, we've been leaving leaflets at all the handicapped spots in Texas. Greg Abbott is getting the message to send illegals to Massachusetts. Thanks. Comment, tell us, pretend nobody speaks Spanish in Massachusetts. Vito, have you been to Lawrence or Lowell? It's Dominican Republic, America.

Lowell. Well, isn't it a hat? No, it's not Hadley. What's the town, Chickpea? No. One town has all the Puerto Ricans, like all of them. Yeah, like 90% of the Puerto Ricans. Pigeon for 20, as someone who grew up on a reservation,

the myth of the noble savage is a big problem Yolanda Finkelstein for 10 I showed my girlfriend the Haka thing and I left of the noble savage That's what they should call it The meth of the noble savage Yolanda Finkelstein for 10 I showed my girlfriend the Haka and I laughed so hard I cried she just cried Pidgin for 10 worse man. I'm gonna start doing it just to ruin it. Just do it for fun. Like a dad that's like, you know, trying to like, fucking around.

Hey, I like Taylor Swift too. Yeah! Touch my pussy, yeah! I'm doing the Haka too like, er, er, er, er. See that's the reason. Check me out guys. Whenever they started saying cultural appropriation is bad,

I'm like, no, you just don't want white guys to like take your thing, cause it's, you know. Cause we do it better. We're gonna do it better and it's gonna be way fun Once all those white ladies started waiting Native American headdresses and like paint up their face you like that does look hot That's way better you guys look like shit. That's awesome That white lady looks good in it. Pidgey pretend the best thing about indigenous cultures How much they just blatantly ripped off other cultures that actually figured out the wheel.

Yeah. Cardinal, Cardinal for 5, Haka Tua spit on that thang. When you said the Haka, I did think you meant Haka Tua. I know. That should be the response. All that shit and then afterwards this like old white lady just gets up and she goes, Haka Tua, that shit. Here's my response if you see a guy doing the Hka is pointed him from across the room and go that guy's gay And a ten years later he'll come to you and cry. What was that guy's name? Josh? Don't worry about it Jonathan Benjalak Captain Cheese for five did the video of the haka include the part where she didn't kill the other guy and just sat back down

Yeah, see that's the problem Riley and friends is late for two says haka to I'm sorry a migrant coconut for two haka Not and not sorry unpleasant for five. What does run the gambit mean? It means do all the things Yeah, every permutation of something you're gonna face you know chat GPT exists ran your house You don't have to pay us five dollars. Yeah, go fuck yourself being shocked for two Thanks for the laughs boys to sue for five be honest veto. Be honest, Vito. You honor the two week rule. You honor the two week rule for skilt cheese. Wow! Lest you rob your tum tum of precious trans fats and added sugars. Man, RFK is gonna make your life miserable. This is interesting, though. Jared, for fives, this cheese is actually so dense that cutting off the mold is

perfectly fine. Here's the problem. I know. But it was the pre-sliced cheese. Does that apply to that? It's still fine. Yeah. Okay. If one slice is bad, the rest are good? Yeah. Base retard for five. Now we will intimidate you and you have to watch. You're racist. Yeah, Hawkeye is stupid in sports too.

Brad Ockenfels for 10 says, make Vito funny again. No, that's over. The Vito funny era is dead. Jack Rockstar for five, is cute stuff still bad when you're doing it to get laid? No, that's acceptable. You can do anything to get laid. It's still bad if another guy has to wash it.

We'll go, I know what he's doing, but come on. Just don't. You know what? Involve me, but you better get laid. If you actually have sex, no. But if you don't get laid, then everything you did is pathetic and lame. You have to close the deal. It's not just anything goes.

Unpleasant for five. The worst example of cute shit is when you boot up Windows 10 for the first time, and it says hi. I don't remember that. Or it says like, hi. Konichiwa. Ni hao.

It has like all the languages in there. Go fuck yourself. Gmoneypants for five. Co-headliners, I'm sure half the people in attendance are there to see the ladies. JJ for five. Aaron Steeltoe got new charges doing cute stuff. Your boy did good indeed. Exactly. That was cute. That was cute shit. Blankob JJ for five, Aaron Stiltoe got new charges doing cute stuff. Your boy did

good indeed. Exactly. That was cute. That's cute shit. Blanko boy for five, watching the Tyson fight event. The biggest problem is women. Broadcasters and reporters in sports. How have we not done that one yet? We need a sports guy on the show. I don't know. Well, Carl or Josh should come in and do it. Yeah, we got to bring in a sports guy to do some sports problems for us. Yeah. Matteo Roberto for for five dicks off the cuff problems are goaded Thank our good friend J Rob detailing Ireland for five euros says hello gents. Cheers. Cheers to you J Rob Mike hunt for five stop complaining veto take a leaf out of Nick Fuentes book next time someone threatens to come to your house Oh the pepper spray is a ready to go Alex Adam for five, but oh god with this Biden 181 million votes

Come on 173 million dick with the total million And for five, oh God with this, Biden won 81 million votes, Kamala won 73 million, dick. Where'd the 10 million extra votes go? Where'd the votes go? Oh my good, they stole it. Yeah, they did. They did, yeah. Talk to them for- And you're going to jail now.

You're going to fucking jail for that shit. We're all going to jail. Some of you are. Actually, the jail stock, a guy told me right before Trump, you gotta like, he goes, Get jail stock. You have to buy jail stock. And I said, which one?

There's a group called Geo Group. He said, you gotta buy Geo Group. They build all the prisons. I bought a little bit. And I wish I'd bought. I made like a grand off Geo Group. This guy. How much you put in? I forget.

I think it's up like, it's up like 30%. Yeah. not like it's up like 30% Yeah, so you put in four grand three grand. Yeah, I put it about three grand. Okay, I bought I usually buy it number shares I think I bought a spender about a hundred shares about a hundred shares. Okay, doc doom for a bunch of JLP Which one's JLP is that also jail? Liquidity token on Solana. Oh yeah, how's that do? It's a hedge fund of Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana, and Stablecoin. I fucked up so bad cause I finally

took my money out of the Vito Luz's contract and it came in US dollar token. I said, I'll just convert that to Ethereum when I remember. And that was like right before all the crypto spike cause it's wrong. Yeah, but it's on Polygon. No, it's not.

It's in USD, so it doesn't go anywhere. It's a stable like $1. Every blockchain has its own USDC. Right, but they don't. So if you buy Ethereum, if you want real Ethereum, you gotta buy it on the Ethereum. No, but I'm saying, yeah, I would have transferred it. I would have used the US dollar coin to buy Ethereum.

It's so expensive though. Every transaction in Ethereum is like 50 bucks unless you do it in the middle of the night. Yeah, that's true Doc doom 85 for two can't believe how incredibly based veto used to be used to be I know oh cuz I called kids gay Randomly that was based ball backs for 10. We all need more than just one episode of deep state Derek Look, I think Derek may return All right, you should do a happy thing. You should do a short message from DeepState Derek for the Patreon. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I shit it out. I'm thinking about doing some Derek content and it might appear on the biggest problem channel. I don't know. Oh, okay. We got to talk about what we're going to do.

Okay. We got to talk about it. Tackerman for 10. We need low tier God or life and scars on the show. Either would be hilarious guests. Tell me how to- Tell them. Everyone tell, let's pick somebody

and harass them into coming on. Like it has to be everybody. Every time they post anything you have to go, you gotta go on Biggest Problem, man. They love you. Yeah, they love it. They love you. They're big fans. They're watching you. If you, don't tell them that.

Tell them what? Tell them whatever. They're watching you. No, that'll spook them away. You gotta go, they love you, they're big fans. They're watching you. Don't tell them that. Tell them whatever. No, that'll spook them away. You gotta go, they love you. They're always talking about how much they love you and how much they wanna get you as a guest. It doesn't matter who it is, just tell them that. No, you gotta make them afraid a little bit too.

You gotta say, they love you, but they're also like. It's a little too much. I don't think that's part of it. Too much. Ben Shaw for two says, Chimera veto you, front hole. Giving me an example of another word that starts with CH and has a K Sound yeah Chimera. I was eight playing sonic you think I knew the word Chimera god damn

Jens Gardner Chimera Chimera Chimera what is it? I think it's Chimera you're saying Chimera Chimera. I think it's either Hold on. I think it's Chimera. You're saying Chimera. Chimera. I think it's either. Hold on. I think it's one of those words. Pronounce. Chimera. Chimera. Chimera? Chimera.

Chimera. Chimera. Chimera. Chimera. Chimera. Chimera? Chimera. Man, I've been saying it wrong. You have been. Chimera. Chimera. Chim-era. Might as well have been saying that. Have you seen that guy's pronunciation channel? He pronounces everything wrong to fuck with people. It's pretty great.

My favorite one is he has a schoidenfreude and he just goes, schoedenfrudie. Schoeden-frudie. Schoedenfrudie. TBF for two, Vito Stink could TKO Tyson Paul. I know, I'm very stinky. Hazmat again for two, did Vito get pregnant or is he still fat? I am pregnant. Hack the movies survived the biggest problem is Vito calling me when I'm sleeping and not responding to me texting and asking what the hell the phone call

was for. Fucking exactly, Tony from Hack the Movies. Did you see how Trump said Mark Cuban used to call him all the time until he got so annoyed he had to say he couldn't waste all of his time talking to him all day. I was just calling to say hi to my friend Tony from Magnum movies. We don't like that Vito. It was like 11 o'clock where you are. It wasn't even that late. Hazmat again for two. Don't come on my property I'm too fat. Lawrence Savaney for two. This is Sparta. Zeta Quicksilver for two. Vito wins his privacy argument. Get cucked. Boom. Jeff City for five. Billion dollar judgment habit because Jones dicked around in court for years wasted people times with his antics More of the ant story is shut the fuck up. Well. He knew he was gonna lose millions. No matter what so I guess he was like billions

Jav says we'll lock Riley up for 20 years Yeah, you love that guy you and that guy. I don't know is that you? Not from my doing that secretly you own phone. Doing that secretly? You've probably had it set up on a timer. CG for 10. Eric July will testify. All right. I'm gonna drag him in there.

You want to put money on it? Yeah. How much, 50 bucks? 30 grand. 30 grand. $50. One billion dollars. 50 bucks.

If I have to go down there. Yeah. And wear a white suit. Maybe you'll have to testify. And a white hat and lasso his ass and drag him back to court so he has to testify. Frontier justice? I'll be like Walker, Texas. I don't think you're allowed to use Trump in Texas today.

Throw up on a black man even if it is a lasso. I could do whatever I want in Trump's America. Are you fucking kidding me where we are right now? In Trump's America, you're allowed. We're gonna have Obama piñatas before midterms. That's Trump's America, you're loud. We're gonna have Obama piñatas before midterms. That's Trump's America. Did we ever do noose hoaxes as a problem? Cause those were great.

But like, I think it was in Oakland. Again, always a problem. That they were like, oh my God, someone hung a bunch of nooses in the trees in Oakland. And then a lady said, yeah, those are like handholds for, I do a fitness class, so we can use the trees. They're not okay. They also had, the FBI was investigating these hate,

these coded hate messages that black people were getting. And it turned out it was the bill. Okay. Look, I know we're- They were bringing them on trains, and they're trains, and they're like, oh, it's fucking, this must be some kind of a coded hate message.

Get it? I know we're in Trump's America. Winston's never coming back on this show. Why? Because he just got a nationwide commercial. Oh, nationwide or nationwide? I think it's a... The company or the country?

It's for Sam's Club, so I saw him in a Sam's Club commercial. I said he can't associate with us anymore. I've had a nationwide commercial, no big deal. Yeah, it's true. It was canceled. I know had an nationwide commercial, no big deal. Yeah, it's true. It was canceled. I know it was. So CG for 10. OJ Simpson killed two people, only paid 33 million in damages.

Alex Jones killed no one, and owes a billion. Anyone OK with that can go fuck themselves. Yeah, I totally agree with that. Mike Hunt for two. Remember that cartoon Kevin Spencer? No. Cole Marklin for 10. Thank you.

Zeta Grinchell for two. I disavow those people that are in that server, making what, the veto porn. James Gartner for 10, pet-o community. Reinoxis for two, I disavow Zeta Quincell. Sir Seat Sitter for five, wait a minute, veto canceled, coming on the most embarrassing show yesterday, because this show is supposed

to be happening yesterday. Yeah, I got my wires crossed. I tried to, I told, what's his name? I told John, I'm like, oh, nevermind, I can do the show tonight. And he said, nevermind, let's just move it a week. Are you talking about? I was supposed to be on a show yesterday.

I thought we were recording the podcast on Thursday, but we did not do that. We did it early today. Yeah. But I will be on the most embarrassing show hosted by John Breaks Bad News. And fuck, I can't remember his co-host that'll be next Thursday it's a great show. Sir, it's him. Is it him? Yeah. Okay so that's the two people who I will be doing the show with. I was trying to remember his Twitter name.

Synthetic shit. His big John breaks bad news got like millions of followers. Yeah dude his TikTok is huge it's awesome. He hit on a good fucking formula it's a great formula. He's huge. He was in your camp too with that whole Riley thing. He's just a friend fucking formula. It's a great formula. He was in your he was in your camp too with that Whole Riley thing. It's just a friend of mine. He's a good guy I know but I was busting his balls and he wouldn't say anything bad about you I was trying to get him to say something bad. Look at that man John. I like John a lot I think John's a honestly John's one of those guys who like if I ever had to do like a show or a podcast You know, he's like he's a good guy. He's a guy. I'm sure he's at a threat You know, he's like a, he's a good guy. He's a guy, I'm sure.

Is that a threat? No, I'm just saying he's a really good broadcaster. Because he's so famous that you do a show with him, right? You bailed on him with a... I've done shows with him before and he's always been an excellent conversation. Wow, remote. Yeah, remote, that's the problem.

You guys are both big guys though. It would look weird if you were in the same. That is kind of a problem is that that we're in the same guy. Yeah. Synthetic Shinobi for two. Dick, do you think Hutch just wants to be Destiny? Doesn't every liberal want to be Destiny in somewhere? Right now?

I don't know, man. They're taking big Ls, those guys. Destiny and those guys. Well, no. What's his name? Just demonetized all of Twitch. Dan demonetized all of Twitch. Dan demonetized all of Twitch. Those are all their own guys.

Nah, not really. Maybe some of them. Do you think the guys who are pro-Palestine are going to learn their lesson because of aggressive Jewish man just destroyed all of their income? Good job, Dan. It doesn't matter. I don't think any of them are going to learn a lesson

regardless. I mean, it's funny. It is very funny. It's really funny. So, we gotta talk to Dan. I wonder if Dan would come be on this show. That would be great. He's cool. I like that guy. Jeb, for five, it's been four years.

I completely forgot about Superkiller. I can't believe Vito got away with crying on camera and then stealing a hundred thousand from the fans. Everybody's getting two comic books. It's gonna be great. Taking a post for two, freeriley.fund, jailjulyjuly, veto, veto, and Mike Hunt for two, Dick Tip, use a lowercase L when typing, I think my mouse is broken. Oh, thank you.

Oh wait, no, here it goes. It pauses. We'll see if there's any last-minute super chats. Unfortunately, no one wanted to see a pirate tonight, so that will not happen. No pirates, but we will be back next week. Guys, we've got to figure out what our next, uh, got dang bonus episode is. If you have any ideas, please let us know. CG for five. Uh, Vito has never met a Chris. Only Italians don't know who Christopher Columbus was. I know Christopher Columbus. Up dogs

and clarify the hawk is gay cringe and about as intimidating as the Macarena. Yeah. There really needs to be like a white response to it. Like at the same time, the whitest thing that we could possibly do. We got to think of it The macaroon is pretty good. You could just make a line dance Old Town Road. Oh, dude, we do contra dancing. You ever go contra dancing. Well, no, it's not It's a horrible hippie version of a line dance or like, you know, like swing your part It's like everybody's I don't know how to know all my exes are from Texas would be the response. There you go.

Oh, my exes live in Texas. Clap, clap, clap. Cardinal for two, how do I get tier two Paladin class of veto? Believe in yourself. Money, you gotta pay the money. You gotta pay. Guys, what a great show. I want to see all our top supporters real quick. Thank all you guys for helping us out. We will be back next week. Don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. Enjoy the fight. Enjoy Fight Night. I hope Jake Paul dies. I was in that camp too until he endorsed Trump and then I said let him

live. I will let him live with crippling injuries that make him regret ever challenging iron money. Give him Bell's palsy. That's what I want. Hit him so hard that half of his spine breaks and you get an airdrop for the rest of his life like that. I want to Christopher Reeves this man. Uh oh. Now we're doing repeats. Alright, goodbye everybody.