The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 166

Episode Date: November 30, 2024

Do it. Is that good? Yeah. So you got it, your... The flag's all sorted? I got one of them sorted. Poor guy. Can you... Oh, you can see it.

You can see it, yeah. Look at that. Oh, okay, yeah. Cover... We don't want any women seeing that piano. They gotta see a big picture of the trunk. I mean, I do actually hate having that piano behind me, because every time I go to make the thumbnails, I have to crop it out. Hahahaha!

You do? Yeah. Every single time. Why don't you just move it? There's a lot of things, honestly. That would make my life easier if I moved them around, but whatever. Like what? All the stickers and crap you have. What would make your life easier?

Nah, whatever, it doesn't matter. Stickers and crap? What? Well, because I have to edit out the mic stands. Oh, well those are necessary. Yeah, I know. It's not a big deal. Okay.

Everything's fine. Check it out. Look what I got. What'd you get? I got enough. Okay. Everything's fine. Check it out. Look what I got. What'd you get? I got enough eye patches. Oh, all right. Well, and it's sore. After my tantrum.

Now we'll never, I watch as you lose every one of those. Now I don't care, right? The other one was hard to, I needed it. Now I don't care if I lose them. So I'll go through them faster. Oh, there's literally like a hundred eye patches. 30 eye patches in here.

Well, congratulations, sir Today's episode is brought to you by brave the brave browser Get it at brave comm it's wait I wrote something down here tired of intrusive ads slowing down your browsing frustrated with your data being tracked and sold I discovered brave today brave comm all right Brave comm are we we rolling here? I think we are I Look forward to finding out more about the brave web browser as the show of the show in use See we're a professional Are we add over okay? Now? What do you really?

Now what do you really think I got a problem with brave I? Think I've installed brave in the pay your Democrat Democrat and you're you know trading child pornography online. Okay, well I don't think they want you to say that as part of the event. Democrat operative. Let's say you're working for Kamala Harris and he needed to hide a bunch of child pornography. You're gonna love the brave webbler. Like the quartering told you how to. Yeah like the quartering has instructed you. As a quote a quote unquote joke quartering can't live that one day he's gonna sue that lady I saw I

saw yeah I'll sue you for library say that the quartering made a video one time where he said and for all you child molesters here's how to hide your a child pornography and then later in life he like, he can't imagine why people are upset that he said that. Just a joke, man. He's like, I was a PC technician. I was just, you know, making a little, and you're like, yeah, now. Making a couple bucks on the side.

You are not allowed to take issue with people calling you a pedophile. You've chosen to engage in a space. Yeah, you've called everyone on earth a pedophile for real. Yes, you are not allowed to take any issue with that. Okay, you ready for the show? I think I'm ready, let's do it. No guests today, that will make everyone happy.

Which might become a permanent change of the show, we'll see. Biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From men spurning petals to people stacking pebbles. I had another one. Oh no, from men stacking rocks to Vito sucking cocks. I don't get the second part.

That one's not funny, right? I mean, I was taking advantage. What's funny to me as always is Vito's just wall-deep. Hi, Dick. How you doing? Happy Black Friday to everybody. Sorry that we didn't do the bonus Thanksgiving episode like I said we would.

Vito very bravely told me that he was feeling a little bit sick. And I said, absolutely not. No episode. I would have done the episode. But I was like, Dick, I know you're going to go see your old family. So if you don't want me to come over while I'm sick, just say so and do.

Don't come over. Wisely said, don't come over. So I'm sorry, guys. I was sick for Thanksgiving. I missed Thanksgiving, which is the fat kid holiday to end all fat kid holidays. So I made the real sacrifice. Are you going to have a friend giving?

Yeah, yeah. I would have met up with somebody or whatever. Yeah. There should be a sick giving for all the people who is too sick to go to their thing I kind of want to make it up. Well sick orgy. Yeah together the last two years I've gone to Josh Denny for Thanksgiving. Yeah, and he wasn't able to do it this year either So we're talking about maybe we'll do like a potluck type thing. I'll make them a do-over Yeah, why not? Yeah, y'all like to cook me. I like to cook. He likes to cook. Carl likes to cook. So

Just an excuse to make some food. Okay How is your Thanksgiving? It's great. What are you most thankful for? Gosh, man So many things. The guests of the show. The guests are always. The great guests. The guests are always giving their time and nailing it. The great guests give us great episodes and really nail down how to make this show the best it can be. They're always bringing their A game. Always on top of it. That's what I like is A game. These are guys who go, I'm going on to a comedy podcast and I'm gonna bring the funny.

I'm not gonna do any cute shit. I'm not gonna mess around. I'm not doing inside baseball jokes. I'm doing straight up problems, straight down the middle. Hey, here's a problem. Boom, sticking shit in between the console and the driver's seat. They always come up with a way to make the problems so funny and relatable. You know, like a little clever twist that you never saw coming.

So we just are so thankful all the great That was a great one Recognizable so what was fucking I don't even know social malware Hey God Cute shit not the fucking cute shit off god damn it. You're a scientist do fucking volcanoes or something Volcanoes man stick right up your ass It's blowing all over the place fuck Anyway

Uhh What a great show we've got Okay, do you want the results from last week? Sure You won guys who can't drive I did win guys who can't drive or don't drive I don't remember what you said Well what I realized as I was doing the problem It's another one of those problems where I go I did do non- non drivers before but this was the male focused version of it. Oh you did yeah previously

I had complained about girls not driving Doesn't care it is actually funny to me how few people in picking people up at the really what yeah That was another one. I was thinking It also could have been people who can't just tell you what they need specifically. Oh, who are not women. Who are not women. Cairns, people who stack rocks.

People who stack rocks. And then digital piracy. Digital piracy was in the negative, surprisingly. We have a very pirate. Pirate-themed show, man. Favorably audience, yes. We do support pirates and men. Philosopher says, Tony bringing in piracy.

Which is a good segue where if you are downloading things on the internet, maybe consider using the Brave Privacy Browse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. Philosopher's something. Tony bringing in piracy is a problem. It has to be the worst segment in this podcast's history. Well, I don't know about that.

Ketralis says, Vito and Tony are obviously both bad at communicating, but I'm kind of on Vito's side. You gotta get a confirmation from someone before you can safely assume it's a yes. Or ask a question before you can assume a yes. You know, like, ask, can I get a ride? That would be the starting part. Okay. T-Fa says, I knew nothing about Frog Tony before this show.

Now the only thing I know about him is he's annoying and cringe. I mean, I'm not bringing in only negative ones. I'm not even bringing in the meanest ones. Lightning NC, straightforward veto, reasonable veto, never with the airport rides veto. That's a good policy. I can't imagine. You'd really have to do something right for me to pick you up at the airport.

Yeah. Keith. The last time I picked people up at the airport was when I was working for the porno company and that made sense And yeah, cuz I was picking up fucking hot. Yeah, it's picking up some hot chicks in the airport, man They got a different breed of the porn. Yeah, the real Porn ladies. Yeah, they're like how did it's like mind blowing You look at them and you go I didn't think that was like an actual type of person that exists Yeah, this is better than cartoons. Yeah, how's this possible? It's a fascinating Keith fell Becky the piracy problem and how he talks about it is the worst problem ever brought on the show

Okay, zero reason why. It's not worse than evolution. I'll say that. Lot's here, oh worst guest history. Henry James I've been watching this show for a while Frog Tony is by far the worst guy okay well yeah more more MWP 12 is very simple people just want to watch Dick and Vito another wasted show wow that one's kind of a slam on us it's uh it's a hard format for other people to crack you know it's hard almost defies belief Yet it is That's the thing yeah, you think they're just coming in complaining would be easy to people complain funny like how is that?

That's all human. Whatever. I thought it was funny it what I guess the comments are so hard I thought when we were arguing about the ride that was yeah, I thought that was funny then it got a little like What are we doing here? Come on? Let's have fun Temmie tantrum says three times. I've successfully made it from the airport to my hotel after arriving in a city I've never been to by myself, but I'm a fully functioning adult So there you go big Z says you can't miss with the big man sleep Vito works Howard. He needs some rest. That's true How about that? And mr. Oxie says 30 seconds. Here's a picture of 30 seconds before I

Destroyed some Cairns while drunk as shit hiking in Germany. My wife thought I was joking so she didn't get a video Some bitches ratted me out to the Rangers and his response was good LMFAO Some bitches ratted me out to the Rangers and his response was good LMFAO Tip over the rock stack. I support you know that I support this movement We need more pictures and videos of guys just knocking these rocks over. Yeah, they're a they're a knock rockers Rock knockers rock rockers. You want to be a cool knock rocker like this guy, Mr. Oxy. Let me find That's a t-shirt right there. That's a band name if I ever heard one. Are you a knock rocker? I'm the knock rocker with the knock rockers.

Look at him. Look at him. What a hero. Oh yeah! He's gonna knock them rocks! So his fucking wife thought he was joking? Ah! Okay, let me... Should've got a video. I want to see that... I want to see those rocks get knocked. Let me pull this up. So he tells his wife, and then his wife thinks he's joking about it.

Watch me knock these fucking rocks. Look at this. One, two, three, four, five, six rock towers got knocked. Now, do you got to use the fist? You can't just kick. You got to really savage these things. Throw them into each other. Yeah, yeah.

Just kick. I'm kicking rocks. If anybody gets the one. I was going to say, say you gonna throw something at him and then Code him and goo so no one could stack them again. Okay, that's That's all of my this more negative more news spreaders. How long are the knock rockers? Whole bunch of fun. Do you have a thing for us? This is a very exciting segment. I like to call Vote It Up!

They're voting it up. They're voting it up. Vote it up. Vote it up. They're voting it up. I still hate this song in any permutation. Is it won the election? It might be. This was the turning point. Vote it up. They're voting it up in Springfield, folks. This is of course Vote It Up, the segment where it's just the news who cares alright guys from bonus episode 20 That was a fun one. This was last year's holiday special where we somehow arrived on the topic the problem of Kwanzaa's origins Oh, yeah, the rapist's wife woman beater. It was definitely a woman beater. There's something with an electrical cord hitting a lady

The guy who came up with it was just kind of like a guy You know, yeah, no most religious like most most holidays like a cult leader Yeah, not just a guy at least there would be like a story There was like a mythical guy and he went around he did a thing No, just a guy who beat women said what if we lit candles sometimes not even a story about a guy who wanted this Right that you want to that would be fun. Yeah, did you come up with this shit? No, no, this is a guy did that I'm telling you about like the origin of Kwanzaa should be like and big John Henry Lit the final candle above the the mine and yeah, you know set all the slaves free in Batube or something

Yeah, what taught to monster?wa came across on the ship. Ubuntu Mutombo. He freed all the savage, well not, okay. Anyway, you couldn't even get through a log line of Kwanzaa without saying something extremely racist. I didn't mean to say savage, I meant like, from the jungle

No, like tribesmen This is not helpful all tribal. Yeah Well, dick, I even know a good word way to say that like an acceptable way Well, that's the problem is I don't think there is any acceptable way to talk about that is a white guy native Africans The problem is I don't think there is any acceptable way to talk about any of that as a white guy. Native Africans? No, native is also a terminal. Well, you have to say it in that way. Native Africans. Native Africans.

If you leave too much of a gap, it's racist. I'm going to say the word savage definitely should not enter into it. I meant savage in like, you know, the savagery. Fred Savage. Yeah, like Fred Savage. Yeah. Well, Dick, for those of you looking to celebrate Kwanzaa this year, there's one place you may want to go because who does Kwanzaa better than Detroit? Who will be celebrating black culture with the lighting of the the world's largest

Kwanzaa canara. Can you believe it? Wait a minute. They took a menorah and they call it a Kwanzaa menorah. Yeah, they call it a Kwanzaa canara. A canara. Yeah. And Detroit for the third year in a row, we'll be having a 30 foot tall Kwanzaa Canara joining the massive Christmas tree and giant Hanukkah Manorah in campus. Is it bigger than the other two? Well, it's the biggest one in the world, so I don't know. It might be bigger. It might be bigger than the Christmas tree.

Than the Manorah. The city will celebrate the beginning of Kwanzaa with a lighting ceremony beginning at 4 p.m. the holiday of this course celebrated by lighting each of the seven candles of the Canara which represent the Noguzu Saba or the principles of African heritage. I only know what they only give me the Noguzu Saba. Yeah the Noguzu Saba we all know that. Okay. I remember when Naguzu Saba did the Kessel run in under 12 par 6. Of course we all know the first candle is Umoja or unity and I don't have the names of the other candles but that's fascinating to me. You have to do the the Mexican thing where you pronounce all the African words with an African accent like the white people do for Mexicans

I don't know if I'm gonna attempt that right now. They're amigos. Yeah You're Latino on an unrelated note in a recent study from the Website wallet hub the Motor City was ranked as the second least safe city in the US just ahead of Memphis But they do have the world's largest Kwanzaa Canary Kwanzaa origins currently number 191 with 348 up votes The more I learn about this holiday Kwanzaa Canary is it like a holiday Kwanzaa canary is it like a

Don't step on me tweety with like blackface on it's a big it's the it's what it's describe it in words Well, it's like isn't it three green candles three red candles and one black candle in the middle Yeah, and the middle painted menorah. Yeah, is it? No, the menorahs got 12 so it's Yeah! Is it menorah seven candles? No, the menorah's got twelve. So it's... ...three-fifths of a menorah. It's three-fifths of a menorah, exactly.

Okay. Yeah. It's a little on the nose. It's a little too much. Well, I've learned a lot, and guys, maybe we should all hit up Detroit... ...to see the 30-foot tall Kwanzaa Kanara. Okay. Alright, Dick, this, uh...

This one's gonna get you upset. This is crazy. Okay. Uh, this was from our bonus episode 26. See how smoothly the show goes when we don't have any guests? It's a- I mean... It might just be we gotta find guests who like, are comedians. That's just too much of a pain in the ass.

I know it's too much of a pain in the ass, it's just like, it's so weird to me. Cause I go on other shows and it goes fine. You're the favorite. You know? I mean, when we go on PKA, it goes great. It's a good time. It's great. Does every other show have this problem with guests? I don't watch any other shows. I don't, it's true. I don't watch any other shows. And whenever they did the celebrity interviews on Howard Stern, I just tune out. Yeah, me too. I hate them. I hate them. I just want the staff to argue and bicker amongst each other. I go, go back to JD arguing with Ralph. Yeah, bring Will the Farter in.

Yeah, bring Will the Farter in. I've been re-listening all the classics. Excuse me, guys. I am getting over a cold. Well, Dick, from bonus episode 26, which was the biggest problem in prison. Oh yeah. I brought in a problem that you did not know was real. The problem of no masturbation in prison. Dude, now every time I watch a prison movie,

that's all I think about. That they're not allowed to jerk off. Yeah. Well, Dick. How are the kids, they gotta be jerking off, but they're like, doing it all secret. What we talked about, so the reason it's gotten worse is that a lot more female guards are in the prisons now

And so like they're all worried about lawsuits of like having an unsafe Environment for these women or whatever yeah, but some jails are so worried that they've taken it way too far How many women do you think are in this role in this capacity? I don't know but get them out of there Why are they in there to begin with you probably want to see them jerk off? That's probably why you're there inmates caught masturbating in a federal prison in Florence, Colorado Okay were pepper sprayed Placed in restraints then ordered into a disciplinary program in which they had to wear jumpsuits without pockets and yellow cards on lanyards around their necks Jack off cards?

According to a whistleblower case brought to the US Department of Justice Oh no! So supervisors- They had a yellow card for Jack and I Yeah, they had to wear- in front of all the inmates they had to wear a special I got caught masturbating lanyard After being pepper sprayed for masturbating Did they let them come at least? Can you imagine masturbating in your house your mom busts in and pepper sprays you and you go, oh my god I would want to see if I could finish. Yeah, I want like a masturbating Olympics where you're trying to break their concentration

I'm gonna say you're gonna give these guys probably a fetish. The lady guard comes in and sprays pepper in my face. Yeah, I think I could do it. Supervisors say they instituted these new policies because inmates were frequently masturbating in front of guards and the behavior was worsening. That's the only thing they got, right? Like you're a prisoner, guards can kick the shit out of you, but if you're jerking off, they have to look at you like I got you you looked at me. Who cares? Look away! Yeah I got you. But the supervisors told

employees to treat masturbation as an emergency to push their body alarm the alarm they give you like you know if an inmate is trying to stab you and then douse the inmate in pepper spray, they were then put in restraints. Why would they do that? Sent to restrictive housing, and given, were put on high watch, high visibility program that required them

to wear yellow cards around their necks, and report to a staff member every hour. So they gotta constantly think about jacking off. Dude! They're wearing a permanent reminder of jacking off This is fucking insane And for some reason I don't even get this and they had to wear special altered jumpsuits where the pockets were soaring sewn shut Is that so you can't get your hands in there sneak into Jack off?

In your shorts, so they had to sew the pockets because they were they were sneaky jacking guys Don't don't let stop these guys from jacking off for six years and then send them out in public. Yeah, well, that's what I don't understand. I'm like, do you think this is going to make them less violent? Just let them jerk off all day. Who cares?

If anything, they should have a porn library at the fucking prison because it'll probably keep these guys from freaking out. Yeah. Anyway, again, this was a whistleblower case. The US Department of Justice is now looking into... They should be required to do it. Horrific.

We got a fight in the yard. Everybody jack off. Every... Let's go. Let's go. Start jacking off. This is prisoner abuse. You catch a guy jacking off and you press your body alarm and you go, we got a code white.

Code white. I'm going in. Oh, I'm right in the dick hole. There it is. We got a code white! Code white! I'm going in! Pfffttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt pepper sprayed for jacking off come on that is like absolutely cruel and unusual part of you wearing goggles yeah there's one guy there's one guy is immune one blind guy is going he can't stop me anyway what the fuck not masturbating no masturbation in prison guys is currently a number 222 with 310 up votes

Yeah, wow guys. I think we as part of the show We need to start a letter writing campaign erotic letters to prisoners something we got to get we got to stop this We got to legalize. This is a this is a serious. I seriously think We should unite and make this problem known to the wider universe. I feel like people are not talking about this. Prisoners jacking off. I've had people talk to me who have been in prison,

they're fans of the show, I have guys talk to me, they say they're going to prison who are friends of the show. And the idea that these guys can't jerk off without a crazy lady guard coming in screaming and pepper spraying them is frankly, it's upsetting to me. Having to wear an eye jacked off tie around like a dog on Instagram. The masturbation necklace is a little much.

I want one of those. I honestly if I could find out what the the yellow tag the masturbation tag of shame I would wear that proudly for my masturbating brother. Out of solidarity I want to make a masturbation tag and wear that proudly for my masturbating brother. Out of solidarity I want to make a masturbation tag and wear it proudly. It would make things like safer if you could see that a guy hadn't jacked off. Yeah. Like today. Yeah. And he's all like in your face like you haven't jacked off today why don't you just get out of here. Why don't you go take care of it. I'm going to tag. You're acting way too aggressive. Yeah. You should have a tag and you could change it out and the color will be like how long it's been

since your last orgasgasm, you know It's like red you're like bro. You need to go jerk off. You've been you should be wearing a yellow right now I don't know. It doesn't make any sense Again, the only possible explanation is they're like, you know all these lady guards if they see it They're gonna sue us for sexual whatever still man. That's asking for it. It's a Truly horrific. Well guys, you know what you got to do. You gotta as Donald Trump would say voting up Up

Oh man, it was a simpler time. You guys had no idea what was coming. What, when Trump was coming on? When Trump said they're eating the cats and they're eating the dogs. All the way from left field. And he rode that all the way into the White House. BAM! That was like his 2016 hit combo BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP behind me but one of the what I've been noticing yeah and is a lot of griping a lot of complaining and a lot of it on a certain topic okay and a lot of it is from the LGBTQ plus I a whatever community yeah and they're going I just don't feel safe oh yeah America because they were just talking about how awesome it was being gay for like the last 12 years right you know so

my problem but that I see all this and I see all this crying and complaining and he's gonna have camps and kill us whatever else we all know that's not true what it really comes down to is that they're not we're gonna deport the Mexicans first yeah that's gonna be better yeah what it's gonna comes down to is that they're not... Yeah, we're gonna deport the Mexicans first. Who's gonna build the camps? Yeah, that's gonna be better. Yeah. What it's gonna come down to is you're gonna have to act a little less gay. So my problem is people who are upset that Trump's gonna force them to act a little less gay.

A little bit less gay? Not even a lot less gay. A little bit. You're still in America. You can still act pretty fucking gay Okay, you're still in San Francisco you have all of San Francisco Every sitcom will have at least one of you if not two or three and maybe a trans on top of it Yeah, okay, man

That back Again you're gonna have to be a little less gay Yeah I think we're pulling that back. We're pulling that back. Again, you're going to have to be a little less gay. Yeah. A little less gay. But you're still, you're not in Dubai. I see people that are going, Trump's going to make America into the most unsafe country for gay people that's ever existed.

And I'm like, you're not in Dubai. You're not in fucking Iran or whatever. You're still in America. It's just going to be like, hey, I want to make out with my boyfriend in front of my elementary school class. And we're going to go, well, you can't do that anymore. You'll get a warning. Actually. If Kamala was in, you could have done that. Trump's in, we're going to say no.

Yeah. Maybe. You get a little yellow card. It says I made out with my boyfriend at elementary school today. You're going to be like, I want to, you know, I want to go out on the street and, you know, give kids free, like, gay pamphlets about, you know. How to have butt sex. Right. Yeah.

I want to hand that out in public. Well, you can't do that. You can still have butt sex, though. No one's gonna stop you from doing that. You can even, like- Look at the camps, though. You can still talk about having butt sex like online on Twitter you can post pictures of it you can make videos of it. But how are kids gonna know how to have butt sex? See if there's not a bunch of old queens instructing them on how to stick their dick in a hole. Well unfortunately in Trump's America you're gonna have to not tell kids about all the butt sex. You're gonna have to get a hobby?

Yeah, yeah, you're gonna have to dial it back a little bit. And when we were kids, gay guys had hobbies, you know? Right! They did stuff other than... And in antiquity. And their hobbies weren't just sewing more rainbows together and adding new colors to it every fucking week, okay? That's gonna be another thing. You're not adding anything else to that flag, okay?

All the flag's done. Flag's locked locked in we're gonna start scaling it back You have to get that pointy thing off or tip the point Gone and Trump's America. Yeah, we're going back to the rainbow and it's not that bad You like to the rainbow you had no problem with the rainbow for like 20 years We're going back to the rainbow kids know what the rainbow is. They think it's a rainbow. Yeah That's and that's all. So all I'm saying, like everybody's talking about it, like the world's over for gay people.

It's the end, the part they're going to hunt us down the streets. No, you just have to be a little less, like you got to be like a normal amount of gay. They really want attention for being gay, I think. OK, so I have a bit of a theory, which is. They got gay marriage, and they're like yeah they don't want it they didn't want gay marriage well half of them didn't I'm sure of it when you're a part of a

subculture right because let's be clear here's where the whole homosexual thing gets complicated is it's not just I'm gay and I have sex with guys it's I'm gay I'm part of the gay culture it's a culture culture, it's a community, it's a lifestyle, it's talking with a lisp, even though you don't actually normally talk like that, you just do it because it's funny, I get it. We all like it, it's fun. You still get to do that, no one's taking that away.

You can do that at school, it's fine. You can do that at school. Doesn't matter. You can do musical theater, you can be the gay kid in school, it's gonna be fine, okay? But. You can even make jokes. theater you'd be the gay kid in school sure it's gonna be fine okay but you can even make make jokes any subculture enjoys being having this kind of outsider status right okay when you're a punk rocker you know it's kind of a

disappointing when you turn on the TV and Johnny Rotten is selling country crock butter you go oh fuck we're the mainstream now and the gays became not only the mainstream they became like the ultra mainstream, where everyone's like, we love gay stuff so, but look at all this fucking gays come to Target. Look at how much gay stuff is in the Target. And at that point you're like, oh, this isn't funny. And so then-

Smells gross. Yeah, I think then the gay guys went, well, we gotta get our outsider status back. Let's start, let's just get wacky with it. Let's start fucking doing something with kids and whatever else. Yeah, whatever. Just because they're like, we want to kind of be hated again. Because that's kind of fun for us.

It's like you're on the outside. It feels like you're fighting a struggle. Yeah, the right's kind of doing that now, too. Well, everybody wants to be a victim. Victimhood currency is the ultimate. Once you learn how to be a victim, you don't want to ever not be a victim again. I mean it's it's God the whole start working the whole world of victimhood currency is uh I mean Trump's the ultimate example though of a guy who goes

I'm the ultimate victim and he goes but you're the president of the United States. How is that possible? I'm still the victim. But they hate me. They hate me. You're the most powerful man on earth. I'm a victim though. Not yet. And he is, but you know he's not wrong. I mean he is a victim in many ways. So it's complicated. It's interesting. What if he was gay? Then he'd really have a hard time.

Well if he was gay, we'd be shutting it down. Okay? Look. I like when they said, I forget who said it, they were like Well not the normal gays. They'll vote for Trump. And everyone's like, What do you mean normal gays? And we're like, we all know, well, not you, obviously. Dude, there was a, there's a great quote, I think it was that Democratic congressman,

who everyone, all the gays are mad at, who was like, guys, we really can't be calling JD Vance weird when we're the guys putting pronouns in all our email signatures. It's like, that's fucking weird. You're like, that's going away! That in Trump's America! Oh yeah, we're not doing that shit anymore.

The pronoun stuff is dead, okay? Done. Which is, I'm gonna say this to the members of the gay community who want to just live a normal, happy life. Yeah. You probably should be pretty happy that we're rolling back some of the crazoids. Don't feel so much pressure to out gay yourself. Now you can just go back to like a simmering amount of homophobia always.

See I was going to say, you know what, give us back the F slur because I think you're going to like it. I think you're going to like the way it feels. You know when you and your boyfriend are at the bar and you're kind of like, and then I point at you from across the bar and I go, F slur! No, that's too much. That's too much. That's too much. No, but I'm not gonna do it, but I'm saying. What you want, the perfect amount of homophobia is you're at mixed company, you're watching TV and somebody goes, ah, this F slur and they're like, oh, sorry. Yeah, they're like, ew.

That's the amount that you want, you know? You want a little bit. You don't want this perfect acceptance. You don't want it. No, nobody does. And you also, Everybody wants to be oppressed a little bit. I think all the normal,

look, I've talked to some normal gays, and they go, man, I don't know what it is with these pronoun kids and their fucking 10 split personalities and whatever else It's like back in the day. We all just agreed. Yeah, I was molested as a kid now I want to fuck other guys and that's it and everybody was happy with it was fine And all these kids they don't even have like normal trauma like I got molested as a kid their traumas like dad Stepped on my skateboard while I was watching Digimon

And now I'm you know forever attracted to fucking cans of mayonnaise, and I have ten genders It's like it's a weird Generational shift I find a lot of the old gays hate the young gays and I get it. There's that's good The connection's not there. Yeah, you know so uh look I look back now. You're gonna have to die Yeah, so uh look. So you gotta dial it back now. You're gonna have to dial it. You're gonna, not even a lot. It's like a relief though man. You've been working Ever since Obama gay guys have been busting their ass, you know, haha trying to outdo themselves with new freaky stuff What if we read books to kids, you know? Wearing a, oh drag. In a super gay way. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't do that. Well don't do that.

Well no, I want to feel impressed. We'll give you a little sum of that back. We gotta let these kids know that it's okay to be gay. Don't worry, they know. They're watching Netflix. They're watching TV. They know all those. In fact, they're thrilled. Their parents are just as happy as you. So we're gonna give you back a little bit

of oppression. It's a good thing for everybody. It's healthy. Okay. You can still be in the military. You get to keep the gay marriage. of oppression it's a good thing for everybody it's healthy okay you can still be in the military keep the gay marriage you were losing the pronouns yeah and your flag is going back to a rainbow yeah and that's good it's gonna be good the Obama years were good you had a lot of fun in the Obama years right right right are you gonna be less gay in? In the new... I think so, yeah. In this new era? I think I have to. That's cool. I think I gotta dial back my flamboyant... With your straight guy hat now.

I have my cool, my cool hat. Yeah. I got yelled at, you know I got yelled at twice for wearing this hat and... Where? Both times it made no sense. What'd they yell? One time I was at a bar. I've had this hat forever. I just bought it from Walmart It was like a cheap $5 hat on the end of a rank. Yeah, the bar and guy went ah, you're one of those Antifa, huh? With an American what the fuck are you talking about? Well, cuz it's upside down Oh god, which is a sign of the flag in distress and this guy was like a former Navy guy And he's like, you know the flag upside down I'm like, I think the guys in China who printed it just

didn't know which way was up because why would they care did you really thought I was a radical? I don't know he really was upset he thought I was like a fucking political radical and then I went to another party and a girl you know I was talking to her and she's like oh I was worried you were like I saw that ad I worried you were one of those like Trump. You see an American flag hat, and that's what you get out of it? So I got both sides from this hat. Yeah, that is what they get. Were you allowed to wear those red hats at polling stations?

Or any Americans? Somebody got turned away for wearing a copy of the Constitution. I think, yeah, I did see some stuff like a Let's Go Brandon hat a guy got turned around. Is that working? Yeah, I'm sorry, is the audio skipping or something? The audio skips every five minutes? Really? I don't know if that's actually something that's happening. Is that true?

Guys, tell us in the chat if there's any problem with the audio, but I think it sounds okay. Text me, I don't trust anybody in the in there was a lot of liars out there. I don't know. I don't trust anybody in so I Don't I don't know a way to shorten that problem What would it be well it's gays crying about being normal Resisting gay normalcy. Resisting gay normalcy? Yeah. Crying about, we'll figure it out.

We'll figure it out. Everyone's saying it's fine. Okay, we're good on the audio. It's fine, no it's not. Just for like a second, no audio issues. Okay, audio's fine. Here's my problem. Can I hear a UFO noise please?

Yeah, yeah. Thank you. I really hate that stupid- why am I requesting it now? It's like a Pavlov's dog thing and I'm like, oh we gotta play that fucking thing. You gotta play the thing. Let me see here, this is my problem. Here she is. Who's that, dick?

So, wife Jack. Wife Jack? Wow! You're sick of her. Can't get away from her. Who's that dick so wife Jack wife Jack? Wow He's sick of her can't get away that a meme was that a meme kind of format. Yeah Wow. Yeah It's a meme that started off like funny mmm and cute right now like Shit that women say that annoys you Yeah Well, it was men making these at first. Yeah, yeah.

Tired of it. Right. Like, they were, it started out as something you'd show your wife and she wouldn't think it was funny. Yeah, it was just like you. And that made it good. You know, I'm like, oh, I'm gonna show her this and she's not gonna like it. She's gonna piss her off. Yeah, that's what I want, right? Right. And then, then it turned into a bunch of guys writing love letters to their wives with it. Like, this is what I love. Everything about life is what I love about life is this.

This imaginary woman is everything to me. Giving a- And the children that she will bear. It's like, hey, dude, we're doing like a married with children kind of thing where we're doing like a married children kind of thing where we're all just kind of taking out our frustrations with our wives on this meme. We're not like, that's not an invitation for you

to come over here and do gay shit all over our meme, okay? Talking about how much you love your wife. Yeah, tell her. I'm sure that she's close by. You go find her and tell her all this shit. We don't need like a support group for men who love their wives too much. That doesn't exist, okay? So people are using the wife jack to do that?

Yeah. Let me see this. You got any examples of this? No, not really. I don't really have any examples of it. So the wife jack is what? It's a comic? It's like, it's just like a meme, man. Like, you left your shoes, you left all your shoes out in the... Like, the like I found a great restaurant to eat. I don't read any of these. Well you wouldn't get it anyway. I'm right. What is your wife Jack gonna say? I don't know. I already came today I have a huge erection. Honey excellent PlayStation purchase today. Our house is full of PlayStations.

That's not a relatable thing. No it's not Relatable is like, oh I found a great spot for dinner, make a U-turn ahead. Like no no no no. You need to be looking ahead of where we're going. Not behind us. But we've all had that conversation. You've been looking this whole time in just like a vicinity around us and not ahead of where we're going. So is the problem that you're seeing your own relationship problems mirrored in a comic? That conversation. You've been looking this whole time in just like a vicinity around us and not ahead of where we're going. So is the problem that you're seeing your own relationship problems mirrored in a comic? The problem is that Christians

and Christians and married men are ruining everything with their constant proselytizing. And it starts with wife Jack and then ends with God or The army or some other stupid shit that I'm tired of hearing about now. I've been seeing some arguments about like It so the right is always pushing family stuff. Yeah. Yeah But like not really like kind of as a joke almost where they're like yeah, man It's all about like your wife and your kids and I'm like if you don't really like okay, then why aren't you around them? Yeah, why are you doing?

I was on the internet fighting with everybody so I don't think it seems kind of like you're selling this idea to like lonely guys I think it seems kind of like you're doing only fans, but you don't have tits right so you're like always talking about your Breeding habits they're always selling this like disingenuous like weird Uh-huh You know cuz like a lot of people make kids and have a wife and they just fucking suck Like there's a lot of those guys Yes, you never go and none of these none of these like comics are ever like and here's Jorge and his four kids You know and look at how happy they are. We're deporting all the wife Jacks actually. Right yeah well I was gonna say

That's what you guys wanted. All the trad families are probably the Hispanics where the dad is working hard in the field and the kids are like Oh, I just hope we get enough money to buy a new VCR to watch my tapes. I don't I don't I don't know when it happened or why it happened, but at some point the aggressive soliloquies written to public soliloquies, men writing to their family and God became the most annoying thing in the world. And I wish it would stop, but it just it only gets worse and worse and worse I Think the weird thing honed in on it

I think the thing about it that's what's bad about it is like the weird smugness of like see how I have a wife and Kids, you know, oh like like like all the humans What do you think you did it's like, yeah, so you mean like everyone in history were ever like, progenitive? It's like if we were watching Married with Children as a teenager, right? And then afterwards, like Pat Robertson came out. Is it Pat Roberts, the Bible guy?

Rob, I think it's Rob Burtson. Pat Robertson came out and goes like, that Hal Bundy, I love my wife very much. It's like, yeah, okay, he's joking. Like that's the, you guys, this is why all conservative art sucks, because you can't leave anything, anything nuanced or subtle or anything unsaid. It all has to be hammered over the fucking head.

Like, wife check, yeah, ha. Yeah, it is annoying that they don't look for restaurants correctly. It is annoying. You can't just leave it at that. Yeah, but you know, you can't, it is annoying that they don't look for restaurants correctly. It is annoying. You can't just leave it at that. It may be annoying, but it's your happiness and your soul. Okay, I don't really want to think about that. It's interesting.

I've been listening to reviews because I could not sit through more of it, but that show Mr. Burcham is apparently... One of the big problems with conservative comedy is that they can't just let anything be. Cause there's like an episode where, I guess Mr. Burcham is like going to his favorite bar and he's like an army guy and he's like, oh, those Navy guys are sitting at our fucking table. Blow out, you know, it's the army guys fighting

with the Navy guys. That's a funny premise. But then the episode ends with, no, but really we love both the army and the Navy. Like a little like like a title card or something and you're like, bro you know what what what do you think this is? Like do you think anybody came up with? But you know what I they almost do have to do that because like the audiences have become so stupid that they're like, dude is

he making fun of my wife? Is he making fun of the relationship I have with my family? Doesn't he know what's secret that is? I love I love my wife though. They need like a pop-up, a pop-up absolution. They need a fucking priest sitting there for every joke that's ever made to say, you don't have to feel bad for thinking that joke's funny. You don't need to go- They're afraid of laughing at a joke and having people- God, it's like, yeah, it's like this weird... Like they're in their own fucking head.

Heh, yeah. Ah god my wife's- And then it becomes an argument. God my wife's such a bitch. No but seriously guys, I really do love her, I don't know why. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, we know, we know, we know. Stop, see what we were doing here was laughing, and that was like an emotional gain for everyone.

What you're doing now is just like, sucking emotions out of me by requiring me to engage with this, with this relationship identity that you have that's not relevant to me at all. I don't give a fuck about how, about your kids or your wife at all, or anything that you're doing. But now we all have to participate

in this pretend identity that you have, or else you'll feel bad and it will be awkward. That's what you're doing to me, right? It's all, they just gotta get their heads out of their asses, man. Just go, hey, it's fun to talk shit about your wife. It's not a big deal. It's not a big deal.

It's definitely not a big deal when other people are doing it. And your kids are a bunch of ugly, stupid fuckers as well. Like, nobody cares that you love them. It's not unique or interesting in any way no It's really not nobody really loved my kids. Oh really yeah congrats amazing good work What's his name that guy who you know stole went stole children with his gay partner or whatever he loves them, too It's all the same shit

Dave Rubin You know what that's what he did know he named his kid Jordan Peterson? He did name his kid Jordan Peterson? He named his kid after Jordan Peterson. He named his kid Jordan? I don't know. That's uh... He named him Benzos.

Why does anyone have any sort- like Jordan Peterson is a certified weirdo. Vito, I think it's safe to say that you and I, when we were growing up, grossly overestimated people and now we're sitting in the- I have to say that you and I, when we were growing up, grossly overestimated people. And now we're sitting in the- I'm watching people like fawn over, I saw him arguing about dragons. Yeah. And he's like, really?

He's like, what about dragons? And the guy's like, well, why do you talk about dragons all the fucking time? Because I love my wife so much. I love my wife. And I love Benzos, and I love eating raw meat. And I went to an Adam Sandler stand up, and he's got all these jokes about his wife and kids, right? And every single fucking joke he followed it up with,

No, but I love my wife and kids, and people would applaud this. Actually? Yeah, actually. It was really, the first time he did it was really annoying. The 50th time he did it, I wanted to put a gun in my mouth. So that was why Louisie was such a Lucy Can't was such a great standard because he would just talk he would just shit talk his wife and kids and it never came down Oh, nah, you know, I love my kids. It's like they're little fuckers. No, yeah. Yeah, this is great. Yeah good

Yeah more that um, all right wife Jack. It's my problem conservative comedy killing it Today's episode as I said is brought to you by Brave. Are you tired of the intrusive ads, slowing down your browsing, frustrated with your data being tracked and sold? Discover Brave browsers. Blazing fast, enjoy lightning quick page loads with our built-in ad blockers. Say goodbye to your ad blockers.

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Okay, okay. I'm up. Yeah, dick. You know I've I'm selling I'm trying to sell through all this crap. I got are you really yes Today I went through and I and I finally tested almost the last of the consoles I got. I'm figuring out what I got. A couple of them I gotta get controllers for them. But I'm selling, I think I got like 60, 70 consoles I gotta get rid of all that. Oh my god. Then I'm gonna sell all the games. Whatever, it's happening. I organize things too meticulously, okay? Yeah. So I'm like, ooh, I gotta figure out,

and then I go- Who's gonna buy all this shit? I go, well, which copy of DuckTales? I gotta sell a copy of DuckTales, but I wanna keep the one that's in the slightly better condition, so I gotta look at the labels and whatever else. Okay.

And I went, you know what would be great is I'm always out in my community, and I'm driving around, and there's all this empty retail space, all these like businesses that either shuttered during COVID or just because of online shopping or whatever else. Or crime. Or crime, sure, but there's just all these empty businesses

and I go, well, why can't I just rent one of these for like an extremely, they're just there doing literally nothing. Yeah. And for like years, they will just sit untouched. Yeah, yeah Okay, yeah, don't you think that like our communities should have stores in them and not just big? Buildings it's totally fucked that they're just sitting there causing blight and decay. Yes getting slaughtered in it Well, I ended up looking into the problem of empty retail space.

OK. Because I wanted to know. I'm like, well, why don't they just lower the price? There's a fucking, down the street, near our UPS box, there's an old busted out hot dog store. And then across from it is a food truck. But there will never be a new restaurant. Even though this obviously can hold a restaurant.

Could be inside a building. Inside a building, not driving around every day, driving to the same fucking spot. It could just be there and it will never happen because they'll never rent it. They'll never rent it because it will never make enough money. It's insane. It's all very bizarre.

OK. So I tried to figure out why this is. Now the obvious answer is that landlords, because retail leases, they want to find a tenant who's going to be there for a while because evictions can be costly. You know, a guy gets in there and it's hard to get them out if he's not making money and you want to push them out and get somebody else. Okay. So sometimes it is just cheaper to keep it empty and wait for somebody who's going to actually put it in for the long haul. Okay. Okay? But there's a couple problems. One of the problems is that these landlords typically,

they don't necessarily own the building outright. They're leasing it from, you know, they got a mortgage. Yeah, it's like Grubbin Ellis owns half of the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're constantly paying back the bank to you know get back their property. Yeah. Which means that if they want to lower the rent the bank can say no. Yeah. So they could have an empty retail space there can be a global... Because that'll fuck up rents everywhere. Right! So they can say well here's the thing is I can't rent you know

at the time I purchased the building yes I could get two thousand you know five thousand dollars a month for the space but now clearly retail is down you know I think I need to lower the rent and the bank can go well according to the terms of the market you can't do that. You're not allowed to lower the rent. Well, why not? Because then I could get a tenant, and there could actually be a store here, something for people to work in. Work in and enjoy, like for a passerby

to enjoy for your community, to not just be a- And to drive crime away. Right. It's not just a place for people to loiter and fuck around. And the bank will go, well, we want you to get more for it. So can you keep looking? Yeah. Literally, it's terrible. It's awful. And if your finance comes through what's known as a CMBS, a commercial mortgage backed security, your odds of lowering the rent are extreme. So you have to modify the loan basically. You have to go to the bank and say, I want to modify the loan so I can charge less rent. And then they are extreme. So you have to modify the loan, basically.

You have to go to the bank and say, I want to modify the loan so I can charge less rent. And then they'll modify it so you have to pay more than you can make in the new rent price. Sure. About 2% of loans a quarter from banks will be modified. If you're lending from a commercial mortgage-backed security, it's less than 0.1% that will allow you to modify the lease in order to

rent it. It's so fucked, man. Okay? So basically landlords are sitting on space, they can't rent, financed by deals, they can't alter, and we just have to walk around and be like, well, hey, it would be cool if someone was there. I guess we'll buy it on Amazon. Yeah, well, that's what it is.

Okay. But here's where it gets really fucked, and this is what sucks is you go to your community and you go, man, I remember when this community had like cool little stores just owned by people. Arcades and stuff. Arcades, bookstores, record shops, little bakeries, cafes, whatever. Just owned by a guy, guy and his wife, little thing.

Okay, so the banks will not let you adjust your mortgage in any way, you know, to adjust the rents, unless they will give you better financing terms if the landlord can bring in what's called a credit tenant, meaning a national brand like Starbucks or Target, because if a big chain ends up having to close a you know outlet store or whatever the brand is still on the hook for it and they have plenty of money to pay it off. So the reason every single retail space

is now just cell phone stores and targets and Walmart and whatever else Spirit Halloween is because the banks literally tell them, yeah, just only rent to those people. Yeah. And you go, well, there's a nice guy over here. He wants to run a little coffee shop. No, just put a Starbucks in there. They're better. We'll give you better financing to give it to a Starbucks.

You know, it's really so like, god, I don't know, a decade ago, maybe more, my dad was in restaurants. And he wanted to open a restaurant up in where they live in Valencia You know, cuz they had a they redid the mall somebody redid the mall and they made a big like promenade area He's like, okay. Let me check this out And he calls me up afterwards. He's like, oh, yeah, you're never gonna guess how much they were asking for that space I'm like what like twelve thousand a month fifteen goes forty for that space. I'm like what like 12,000 a month 15 he goes 40. 40,000 dollars a month. Yeah because they only want to rent to macaroni, cheese cake, factory. So the restaurant it's like the

it's like the biggest one of the biggest employment like money making businesses for, I don't know, I don't know how to say it, like people with no education. He employs the most people? Okay. For business ownership. The most available job. And I'm not talking about my dad. Right.

I'm talking about the general. Franchisees, franchise. Just owning restaurants. Owning restaurants, people working at restaurants. It's an essential backbone of the middle class of America, especially for non-educated guys. And it's been totally destroyed by exactly what you're talking about. That and COVID, where they just took all their shit and gave it to corporations. That's a good point.

Yeah, because all the best, it's always great when you find one of these restaurants that's been there forever and it's always been like a mom and pop operation and the food's great. Now you go, how come none of that shit exists anymore? How come that doesn't pop up? Banks. Because banks banks they're fucking everyone over Yeah, and they're going we only want you to rent this space to Starbucks to fucking cheesecake

Faggotty to macaroni grill the chilies Banks and then you make a point about what the banks are doing wrong It's just so much easier to sell than what a lot of you guys are doing right now on the on the dissident far right. Okay? You really got to sit down and think about your messaging. It's just sick because it's turned our cities into either A, there's nothing there or B, it's just all again cell phone stores and garbage. Yeah. Now there is a radical new idea. There is a model to make the world better. Okay? So hold on what is it? How you feeling? How's your cough? It's terrible. Sorry about that. Alright so here's the thing is that there's

actually you know there's actually, you know, there's a lot of like cities where they say if you're going to create new housing, you have to create these ground level retail spaces, which is moronic, because nobody can afford to open in them. Like right now, New York City is full of all these new apartment buildings

that have like ground level retail, which is completely empty. And they're like, dude, nobody can afford to open a thing in New York if you're gonna charge this much. But there's some cities where they've realized- Why have it? Like why force this? It's like from the 80s and 90s, man.

Well, here's what they've realized. Some cities have realized, well, hold on. If you have a neighborhood and the neighborhood has a little bookstore and a cozy little coffee shop and a nice bar and all these little restaurants and whatever else and cool nightlife, you know what happens is the rental prices of a housing in that area start to go up.

Because it becomes a desirable and fun area to live. So slowly they're starting to realize, they're starting to go, hold on. Instead of gouging the fuck out of retail, like why don't we just cut these guys a break? Give them like some basic bitch rent, be like run your little fucking record store, run your little cafe.

Who's they? The banks have decided that? That doesn't sound like a bank move. I mean, it's, I don't know exactly what, I think it's the guys who build the spaces again, like the building owners. Yeah. Have it like factored in their leases,

where they're like, no, the retail space, we're basically just gonna give it away, because it makes all the units above it. More expensive. More expensive and like more desirable, because again, you're in a building that has like, oh, there's a lot of cool stuff in my area. I want to live in this building.

Right on the ground floor, there's all this great stuff. So in a way, almost it should be a focus on if you are going to have these stacked units or whatever else. I think retail should be a thing where it's like, yeah, just give it away to make these areas desirable and fun and Focus on fucking gouging all the hippie losers who want to you know, live right above it Whatever anybody else who wants to get there can walk or take the bus We drive by there's like two giant retail spaces that have been empty for I don't know two years Dude there's so many strip malls like every time I'm like how does like how does nobody

There's so many strip balls like every time I'm like how does like how does nobody? How has nobody? Wanted to use this for something like anything a brewery a fucking arcade a laser tag place It would be great shit would pop up all the time when we were kids and then go away I just want to open a little game store. Honestly. I would open a little store Yeah, I'd have I'd have you know come in if you want to buy some magic cards And I'll probably just be in there streaming on whatnot, selling my inventory off. Something to do other than hang out on Discord. Yeah.

All day with your... I'm not on Discord. Not you, other individuals. Right. Exactly. Because that stuff leads to homoerotic orgies and jacking off in the cup chair. Well, it's interesting that I see all, you know, it is... there are so many people now running like little small businesses but they're all running them out of their garage because none of them can afford retail space. Yeah. Like the amount of like eBay stores and like thrift stores or whatever it's all

going up. You think you could just like put your shit somewhere. Yeah! Why can't you not just why can I not just rent a little space set set up some shelves, put prices on this stuff? No, no, no. It should not be that complicated. It's like that's gonna cost you, yeah, 12 grand a month. For five years. For five years. No one could possibly do that. Oh, okay. Well, it's fine. We're just waiting on a T-Mobile anyway.

We just want an Apple Store there. Yeah, we just want an Apple Store, a T-Mobile, or a Singular, whatever the fuck. Why do we have this? Why do we have this agreement where you get to just have this space forever? For some reason, the Boba Shops are making it it work though. I don't know what that's about. Oh yeah, probably different banks. It's always that one fad where everyone was opening a frozen yogurt shop all at once. Yeah. And you're like, this shit's not that good. I never understood the frozen yogurt thing.

It's low-fat. Is it? No, it's not. It's got a bunch of fucking garbage on it. That's what women tell themselves. Is that your problem? A low-fat yogurt. Yeah, but then you put a bunch of Oreo cookie crumbles and fucking gummy bears on top. My problem is this. I know you're going to be able to help me with this. Yeah. And everyone knows what I'm talking about.

No, no. Don't make me help you with that fucking thing. I hate those fucking things. I have this wonderful Zoom recorder talking about. Oh no, don't make me help you with that fucking thing. I hate those fucking things. I have this wonderful Zoom recorder that I got assuming I would do a lot of recording of podcasts on the road and stuff, but it turns out I just didn't. And I got it probably six years ago. And this wonderful, it still works.

Oh, now I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It still works great., now I know what you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It still works great. This wonderful piece of machinery, like so many pieces of equipment, just like it, has inexplicably developed this sticky film. Like controllers that I have. I'm telling you, it's covered with gross sticky stuff

that you cannot wash off. It's exact, yeah, it is that exact, yeah, it's that. What the fuck is going on? I have Xbox controllers with that all over them? I have iPad holders with that shit all over them? What the fuck is that? Sticky plastic. How do you get sticky plastic?

How have we been making plastic for, what, 60 years, and we're ending up with high-grade consumer electronics with sticky shit all over them in six years Yes, something that you're supposed to hold all the time. It is a it is a problem in the video game community You know, I've have some great controllers that are just how does this like this? I think every ps2 controller the rubber on the stick. Yes sticky. You can't do anything about it Really? Well, here's the problem, Dick. So we were talking about this and I said, oh, I know what's going on.

What? This is a layman's explanation. I might be not 100%. Do you have a scientific one? Well, I think it is scientific is that... I mean, look at this shit. It's just, you can't use this. It's disgusting.

There's nothing you can do about it. You put it on something and it sticks. If I go to record somebody, I'm like, just thinking about this sticky shit all over my fucking hand. That's really bad, especially because it's glistening. It's a nice piece of hardware to turn sticky, too. So that's the failure point of this, is that it gets sticky. Like a five-year-old. So all these plastic compounds or whatever, these like soft plastic, because it's that soft plastic, right? Which I didn't need.

Yeah, it would actually make it out of fucking wood as long as it doesn't get sticky. Like fucking sap seeping out of it. So the soft plastics, my understanding is in order to make them that soft texture is that they have a certain amount of oils contained within the plastic. So what happens is over time, depending on how it was manufactured and in what conditions. So this is a fuck up. You can manufacture in a way where, the problem is when you make plastic it's kind of like a crapshoe where you go, well, hopefully we made it right. But if you make it, if the batch is off a little bit, the oils start to leak out of the plastic.

So what you have there is oil that was mixed into the plastic to give it that pliable... I don't want a pliable feel. Look at all of this stuff. The TV, cameras, shelves, microphone holders, this mouse. None of this has ever gotten sticky except for my PlayStation 2 controllers, probably PlayStation 3 and this zoom recorder yeah and there's basically nothing you can do because it's like there still is just oil in there that you're gonna keep continually seeping out so even if I wash this it'll it'll

just get bad again I mean maybe in a certain until eventually the plastic breaks down entirely and just there's no oil left in it it just completely deteriorates What's interesting is this is a common problem. I know among early adopters of the the real doll Was that these guys spent you know? $3,000 on real dolls and they went oh look the rubber It's so soft and pliable and these men fell in love with their dolls You know and they made them part of the family and now they're forever sticky and these guys go you don't understand I love this woman. I fell in love with their dolls, you know, and they made them part of their family. And now they're forever sticky. And these guys go, you don't understand, I love this woman. I fell in love with this doll.

I can't just throw her away because she's sticky. I can't just throw her away because she's sticky. And they go, well, there's nothing we can do. Her skin is falling apart. It's breaking down. There's got to be something we can do. How do we have an unwashable sticky plastic? I think you can rub it around in like talcum powder,

but I think it's just a stopgap fucking fix. I don't think it lasts. I want talcum powder all over my suit. That's way weirder. I don't think there's anything you can do. I think it's just a stopgap fucking fix I don't think it lasts. I want talcum powder all over my... Well I don't know, I don't think there's anything you can do I think it's just... It's just trash. Can I get a new case? It really comes down to... Now I want to say more recent items maybe they figured out some of the reasons that

the cause of the plastic breakdown maybe but it does seem like stuff yeah that's a little bit older you said it's like six years old. I gotta play my old systems, you know? Christmas time's coming around, I got some time, so I'm like, oh, let me fire up, see what video games are out for Christmas, right? I haven't played this one, this Xbox in a while. Fire this up, and the controller's sticky.

Well, for those who collect Japanese turbo graphics games, remember they had the cards? Yeah. All those cards were kept in this little plastic sleeve I have a ton of those. Okay looked in do that Where they did you keep the cards in a little plastic sleeve? They're all in the little box in the sleeve in the thing. Okay, all your games are destroyed now because you kept them in the plastic sleeve which deteriorates and becomes sticky and

permanently damages the the label there, so Unfortunately, you did not rescue your turbo graphics games in time the plastic fucking protective plastic sleeve ended up being a Hat yeah, it was kind of a Trojan horse. It's like I've got about 40 games all Maybe maybe you'll be alright. We see. It might affect the Japanese once more, but people say if you have TurboGrafx games, make sure to take them out of that little plastic. That's un-fucking-acceptable.

You ever look at it? That's got hairs and pubes all over it now. Well, I hope your TurboGrafx games are OK. I think it just affects the label, but the label will come off with that stickiness. I can go find them. I can go find them right after this. Maybe we'll take a look

So yeah sticky play. Why am I even holding on to that shit? I don't know the turbo graphics games Yeah, it's awesome. It's awesome to have turbo graphics. I gotta get rid of that stuff I'm unloading all my stuff to anytime you want to make some wheels and deals I'll trade you some Pokemon slabs. Oh, yeah. What do you got nothing good? Well? How good how not good you got? It's like 200 bucks worth of slabs. Maybe you can take a look all right. I'll take a look all right That's my problem. That's a good problem Patron.com slash biggest problem go vote go get brave download brave if you're not using it obviously what the fuck is wrong What a great browser? Thank you for sponsoring the show Brave.

Biggest problem.show to vote on the problems. You gotta stay protected online guys. Next time you're texting your mistress and you go, ehhhh I just wanna make sure I'm 100% connected. Check out Brave.com and use that privacy browser. Alright, here we go.

I wanna thank our guest our guests nobody for reminding us what makes this show work it's gotta be like one guest who's gonna knock it out of the park no no no guys like one we'll figure it out we got to do we got to do short guest drop it oh that it's got gotta be like 20 minutes, they say hi. Why? They all act inconvenienced, like they are even here. Come on! This is a big opportunity for you.

It just feels so weird to do a show that doesn't do guests. Why? You just want to do guests. You want to feel like a big show that does guests. It's just not- But every show does it! I don't know, like how does- That's. It's just not- But every show does it! I don't know, like how does Joe-

That's like panel shows and shit. But then I just, yeah but like, so does every other show just suck? Do you listen to Rogan? No! Why? Cause he talks to guests! They're fucking boring!

They're fucking boring! They're all fucking boring, it's like pulling teeth, getting them to participate in anything! You just gotta keep it it short just like sure then why haven't all the things the greatest guess pod they get two seconds they get five question that five seconds and then they're I have to be someone who's like on and it's very hard to find that yeah all right people watch that hot one shit chicken wings is when your car you watch that no

When you first got started off all those chicken wings are hot I hate guys who defend hot ones to me though because actually a really good interviewer Like so why do you do fucking interview care? Yeah fucking cares? great keys run out of batteries great keys run out of batteries what ran out of batteries? you have to fiddle fuck the universe is when your car keys run out of batteries wow

you have to fiddle fuck to get like the real key out and then you never replace the batteries because you don't fucking have them and you do finally buy the batteries you got a new car it's impossible to open the fucking battery tray! Jesus Christ who made this thing? No I'm curious sir I agree I have an analog key I don't have one of those electronic keys. You don't have a whoop whoop? Nope. When you get a new car you gotta sell all your shit and get a new car I don't want a new car. Get yourself a big Dodge Ram. That Honda Element, that PlayStation kiosk

fit nicely into the Honda Element. How many of those do you have now? I have a PlayStation 1 kiosk and a PlayStation 2 kiosk. Oh, come on. I think I'll stop there. You're not going to get a PS3? No, I wouldn't get a PS3. I thought about getting a PS3 one,

but I don't care about the PS3. OK. I would maybe get a Dreamcast kiosk, but those are really expensive bro. That's a lot of kiosks I'm stopping it too It's one of these things where like I have like a haunted house for Halloween I mean, I should I should not have it again. I'm planning on eventually getting a house which will have more room To fill? No, whatever.

It's one of these things where I said, if I don't buy it, I'll never get it. And I can always flip it if it doesn't end up being a thing. How much can you flip it for? Like, I don't know. Those things are weird. It depends on whether I buy it or not. Vito's right 100% about his chef, Mike Buddy,

or whoever the fuck. Dude, cigarette guys are just, they're psychopaths. When they can't get their fucking fix, they're insane. I was on a trip with a guy and he was just digging apart his bag. And then I got another pack. I know I got another pack. He was just digging and digging. Couldn't find the pack.

He said, we gotta go to the store, we gotta go. And then when he found it, he held it up and went. And hurried up and started smoking one. It got to go. And then when he found it, he held it up and went and hurried up and started smoking one. It was fucking insane. It's like a toddler getting their favorite to wear. So I, you know what? I'm not a smoker, but this really bothered me. We were at the bar and a girl comes up to you, a girl you don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And goes, can I get a cigarette? Yeah. What is it about cigarettes that make you think like I would never go up to a stranger be like hey Can I get some of your gum? Can I get like half your fries? Like can I get a button?

Can I get a little kiss on the cheek? What is it about cigarettes that makes it okay for like a stranger just to take stuff from you? I think the assumption is that you've done it at some point because you have cigarettes So you must be an addict and you probably exhibited that behavior so you owe it in some way. They're all doing like a play it forward kind of thing. All cigarette smokers. That's stupid. I hate that. Well, she asked the wrong one, didn't she? She did because you then said, you know what, take the pack. Uh-huh. And then you gave her the pack. And it was empty. And it was And she was blown the fuck out that was a good move That was good. I was the perfect amount of drunk. Yeah bad things

She's like really yeah, yeah take it yeah take a look inside Like Ray Liotta and good fellas smokers ask it ask for a light I get because you don't keep the lighter but I never understood that. One of my friends used to do that. I'm like what are you doing? Don't ask. Go buy your own fucking cigarettes. Hey JKBdo. You know what? This bouncer once asked me for a cigarette and he's like, oh man Can I can I pay you for this first of all the paying for it is annoying He's like what I don't want like a two dollars, right? I don't know how much money you're gonna give me, but I don't want that. So I want a weird. Yeah sweaty dollar bill I'd rather have the cigarette

And then later god, I think I think it was like the next week. I was like, hey, can I get a cigarette as I was leaving? He's like, what the fuck you talking about? I think are you serious? Oh shit. Really? Same guy thought that's like the only time I ever asked for a cigarette Hey, Jack, hey Vito problem in the universe is other people's fucking headlights seriously, what changed in the last few years? Are people just like, getting more and more high powered beams? I can't see fucking shit at night.

And I thought maybe people were getting dragged around with high beams. Yeah dude, what's going on? Get your eyes checked. I flashed somebody my high beams to tell them, hey you're an asshole. And then he flashed his at me and was like, bro, those weren't even your high beams,

those just your normal beams? This fucking blind beam. Awful. I can't even guess how many people will die every day from this shit. The biggest problem in the universe. Other people's fucking high beams. Or not even high beams, just fucking.

You know what I hate? Dude, I think you were joking, but he might genuinely have an eye problem. He's got eye problems. Yeah. Because that's the thing that people with eye problems complain about is they go. Headlights. Yeah, they go, Dude, I think you were joking, but he might genuinely have an eye problem. He's got eye problems. Yeah. Because that's the thing that people with eye problems complain about is they go... Headlights. Yeah, they go, man, I don't know what it is with headlights, but like I can't fucking see...

Because like they can't focus the beam or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Dude, go to an eye doctor. That's like, look it up, that's actually like a common complaint from people who are suffering from an eye condition. I've heard that before. What I hate is when someone flashes you, the brights, but they did it, you don't have enough time to hit them with the brights back,

because then they're already past you and you're like, oh, I'm trying to hammer them, but they already went by you. Like, ah, fuck, that guy got away with it. He thinks he's educating me. I hate when I'm sitting at a stoplight and the guy across the stoplight from me doesn't have his lights on. I'm like, oh, this will be, and I'm sitting at a stoplight and the guy across the stoplight from me doesn't have his lights on Mm-hmm. I'm like, oh, this will be and I'm just like Flipping my lights and I'm not a high beam and I'm strobe in the high beam. I'm doing everything

Yeah, I'm trying to be like come on lights. It's a collie lights lights Cuz like if I get him to turn on his lights I'm gonna feel like I did some but then he doesn't turn on his lights and I'm like you fucking idiot Just on his phone fucking around. Okay idiot just on his phone fucking around okay had technical difficulties on the first call my bad so I'm listening to this episode from this week okay and dick's ranting about stacking rocks mm-hmm I never thought I'd have an issue with something like that until pretty recently I take my kids up north to the mountains. We go hiking, we go fishing.

We go hunting, camping, you name it. Okay. Tell me more about what you do with your kids. Okay. When I'm trying to walk down a stream and fish. When I come to what used to be just a naturally flowing part of the stream, and now all of a sudden, there's a random man-made

dam. Yeah. For no fucking reason. No reason. Just What gives you the right to change the flow of the water? What gives you the right? This body of water here for all of us to fish you fucking retard like yeah And then what gives you the right the next day? What gives you the right? Shocker? Guess who the fucking culprit is a big fucking fat whale Why because that fat whale couldn't get her fat gut deep enough in the water In a little swimming. Oh, yeah, you have to build a swimming hole for yourself Stacking them up fucking outrageous and change the flow change the fishing change the habitat for the fish completely fuck it up

Oh, yeah. Okay. There you go. I learned a lot today. Here you go. You got to knock it over You know dick you ever been I go to the mountains. Yeah, do some hunting do some fishing. Yeah, what else? Yeah, tell me everything you do up there Birdwatching I love when our callers just go off on a tangent telling me about everything that's going on in their life All he does is like bitching complain about why he's late even though it's his fault and then says it's like Vito's He's a fucking chick. Oh My god, I didn't know when I should where should be where I should be there Vito. You're asleep. Let's do it You know retard if someone called you through the morning saying hey, where's your house?

I bet you wouldn't want to either is it I couldn't ask dick. We're not friends Yeah, your guests on his show you fucking moron at any point. You never hit him up and said hey, man He does not responding. I don't know the address and what time it should be I can you just tell me up like any point and they say no Addressing what time it should be there. I can you just tell me up at any point and then he's like, you know Fuck you, you fat fucking frog retard. I'm gonna pirate this fucking comic Okay, there you go well Just a weird debacle was it I mean I guess I should have I guess I'm supposed to know when a guy comes from out of town that he's never,

well, you knew more than me. I guess I just assume a guy who does internet shows, you know, would understand like, you know, how to get to a show. I mean, I guess when you're just doing live streams now. Yeah. Shit, where, did we? I didn't make a thumbnail for the last time.

Oh, you didn't make a thumbnail last time? Oh, okay, great. I was sick. Alright. This is the new one? I think so. Synthetic shot, guys, get your super chats in now. Don't forget to vote on all the problems.

Oh, you sound rough. At biggestproblem.show. I'll be better in a couple days. At least I came in. I heard your throat. I know, I'm just saying it sounds rough. At BiggestProblem.Show. I'll be better in a couple days. Oof. Hey, at least I came in. I know, I'm just saying it sounds rough. Well, I just, you know who maybe could help me out? Is my good friend Deep Shade Derek here? That's gonna mess it up even more.

It might not be a good idea. Synthetic Shinobi for two, thank you for not killing yourself. Cardinal Cardinal for five. We love Vito. Synthetic Shinobi for five. Yeah, maybe you should. Biggest Problem in the universe is accidentally swallowing saliva or a beverage with your trachea Parentheses windpipe instead of your esophagus the coughing simply never ends there

He's gonna go take care of some coughing right now synthetic should be for 50 dick on the last episode I didn't mean to imply you post swastikas on Twitter. Sorry. I do think you buck broke Woody though for reference Woody said so at 105 on pka 727. Buck broke him how? Just screaming about crystals and rhetoric and who's going to prison and who's not. Please give me your thoughts.

Vito's booty for good measure. Seems like everyone's fighting with Woody right now, huh? Well, Woody's a... We won, so we get to... I've seen some embarrassing Woody clips. We get to drive all of you into the sea. Where Woody's, who's like, well, Kamala called Trump a fascist or something.

And Woody's like, well, she didn't say that. And then it immediately cuts to her calling him a fascist and like, ah, Woody, don't sound so committed when you say those things. Don't defend these fucking people anymore. Yeah, no, I already gave the model for every liberal. As you go. We're under the buzz.

We're always here and we always will be here. God bless Emperor Trump. It's the simplest thing in the world Did I lose my fucking hat now? God damn it! No! No! Look around you! No, it's not my job! What the fuck! There's the hat, it's next to Ricky's helmet God fucking damn it!

Let's see, that actually would be- I need my control key! Wait, wait, wait, did you just do this one for 50? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why I'm getting all this shit on. Thank you synthetic Shinobi. So this is the show for 10. For the record, I'm not one of the jilted PKA fans that hate the hosts. I've listened to PKA since I was 13 and I love Woody, but you hit the nail on the head when you said he buys into narratives too much. Oh yeah.

Well, you know. The PKA fan base is fascinating. You got to just read the headlines and then kind of make up yourself what happened. That's the safest way to go, because everybody's bullshitting you. You got to say what probably happened here. Bald Mag says, make this a 100% deep state

Derek and Captain Dick episode. Yeah, maybe we should do a bonus episode like that. Just the pirate and the psychopath. J-Rob detailing for five euros. The biggest problem in killing bits. The biggest problem in ruining every bit. J-Rob detailing says, cheers boys, cheers to you, J-Rob detailing.

Good for five, happy Thanksgiving, thanks for not killing yourselves. What was in last week's Vito's booty? I couldn't find it. It was some sort of pop figure. Some kind of Funko Pop, black lady Funko Pop. I saw it destroyed Funko Pop, but I didn't even bother to look at it

It is now. I really don't know where it is. Go hang out with frog Tony I was so excited to go upstairs and hang out with the crew and Yeah, let's see Cool for two when you got in that fight be attending. Oh, yeah, the good fights I still have to see the final footage. Coofer2, will you guys be attending Hackamania 2? I probably, maybe. I don't know, maybe.

Depends on when it is. Yeah, I saw they were starting to plan that. But it sounded like, when I heard, it sounded like they hadn't figured out a venue yet. So keep us in the loop, maybe. Kicks Mechanic for five. Happy Thanksgiving, boys. I enjoyed mine with family and ketamine wonderful cold marlin five

You know I hope you were able to stick your diet during Thanksgiving for the weigh-in this week You know my god you sound so bad dig a sookie chicken soup game for five You know did you know that vague promises will no longer be allowed in this in the stern store content must be on a timeline Really makes you think Steam store a steam store human dynamo for two everything from Triptophan to trips to the can good one Brits, but again we didn't talk about those things So it's not it's not based on useful for the show. It's just you made a rhyme Brits man for five guys. I find cat girl hotter than Dalish or mint more crazy peep more crazy make peepee more hard

What do you think about this? Wait? Wait? Oh, no, not cat girl. I thought cat girl, but somebody got a certain lawyer. What are you talking about? Uh, what's the, what's a, isn't it somebody from fish tank is hiring Kevin. Oh, Landau. Yeah. I got to talk about that on my show. That's a, there's a lot to get into on that one. He's still a practicing lawyer. Apparently we're still running his old scam. He just like finds YouTubers who are moronic and goes like... Anyone nuts enough to hire him. How does he even find these people?

I don't know. That's what I want to find out from her. How did he find you? How did he sell you this? I want to know how he found the first guy. He's sued everyone who hired him to do this exact thing that you're now paying him him to do he sues you when you run out of money. He's done it before Oh, he sues the he sued your Armenian friend Yeah, you can't just abandon a case right like you can't just say like I took the case now

I'm done with it. That's not allowed for lawyers to do so you have they have to sue Their guy and say like my clients totally fucked. yeah, interesting, which is what he does. shitless for five. I sure hope there's less unintelligible shouting over each other. There was a little too much of that. Carl for five. Dick, did you find your eyepatch? Yes, I got about 30 of them now. Give me one. Here. I want that guy fairy hair back. That was good. Cardinal Cardinal for two, two Balder Lawrence Devaney for five But we ever get a rap battle between Vito and Riley. I don't know Jerry and coke for five happy Thanksgiving boys

Dick Asugi, Chin-suke for two happy Balder everyone. Strategy for five. Okay people Let's keep these super chats clean and keep your gloves up at all times and no shots with though the clockwise rotation belts Let's get it on Jerry and coke for two Jerry and cook for get to again plenty of eye patches for Captain Dix yes yes JJ for two what's going on with Dix right bicep I don't know it's oh you do you have like yeah you have like a fucking bruise there yeah I get bruises there all the time you working out too hard maybe yeah strategy for five imagine braving through ads during your favorite show, but when you install the product,

it chucks dicks in my ass. Nobody wants to have eats and dicks. Actually, the Brave browser will help you avoid dicks in your ass. So check it out. The Jerry Coke Five, we did that. Psychonautical for 10. I don't know.

I got a guess, though. Psychonautical says, thanks for not killing yourselves, boys. Have either of you ever freedom of information act The FBI for your own file really apparently you can just do that Praying for you that Maddie doesn't poop out any of those little piggies miss a massive Why I have to do that? I don't think I would have a file I definitely if I did you know is sealed because I snitched on all those and I don't fucking that You know was sealed because I snitched on all those and I don't fucking that

Discs that Kosugi chinsuke for two says hey Balder I'll go bitch for two kick Karns knock rocks TBF I Joe Schmo for five veto airsoft fatties 292 right now blowing you in the race Beast how will you respond to this news? Fatty is like five foot eight maybe That's even more impressive. He's not six feet. Oh, what are you saying? What are you saying that you're on? I'm saying a five foot eight guy.

No, I'm saying a five foot eight guy wearing 300 pounds is way worse than a six foot guy wearing 300 pounds. OK? Body mass index is calculated by height to weight. Yeah, but I think it's kind of just like weight. Because it gets to a certain point, and you're like, come on. You got to fix this shit now. I got a new batch of the freshest Chinese.

Azimpik? Yeah, yeah, something. Rigovi? Yeah, my sister sent it to me, cleverly disguised in a bag. I don't think you're allowed to ship that stuff. But now the FBI will file on you. No, that'll be fine. That guy smuggling his impic across the border.

Did I say my sister? I meant, it's obviously code for my contact. So yeah, I got these vials of Chinese medicine. I think it's got donkeys in them. Drunk in Atheist Studio for five, I worked with a guy that spoke zero English. And what the manager would do to communicate with him is speak to him in English But with a Spanish accent. Yeah that works Base reach over to base veto red pelt veto always with the race hate Straturgy for five. Can you believe that ordering?

Nougat Zuba noodles with chicken cause $18. Nobody wants inflation vets and dicks Nobody wants that renooxis for two. Shout out to my soon to be best friend, Balder. Lane Steel for five. Biggest of ups to the most liquid of Richards. God bless PKA. Sega Genesis for five. I'm just glad my best friend Vito's having a good time.

Massachusetts man with a huge $50 on the board. Thank you. We appreciate that deeply. The Jerry and Co, he's spending that brave money here. All yeah. From the brave brands. Yeah. You could rack it up. You can rack up those basic attention tokens. Jerry and Coke for five. Open up with those five inch rifles, full broadside. Diamond G says our audio is skipping. I don't know what he's talking about. Every five minutes since the upgrade. What upgrade though? To your computer? He's lying. I don't know. Well, we'll maybe Every five minutes since the upgrade? What upgrade though? To your computer? I don't know.

Well, maybe we'll... I listened to the most recent episode. I didn't hear any skipping. Every five minutes. There's no way. We would have seen comments about that. ColdLampid for two. If Richard reads this one, I win five bucks.

F-E-J-S. Bummer. Kuf for two. Men should just get anime wives instead. Hashtag no ma'am. Grizzards for five. How much does it cost to get dick to do his famous broken computer bit

dickasuke chinsuke for two you know what's funny about that I'm like oh obviously dick destroying a laptop and cutting the show short is funny and people were like what's in that box I'm like is that really guys it's a fucking Funko pop it's the same bit we've done a million times. People were mad. It could be something else though.

They're like, I don't get it. We need to get to Vito's booty. I'm like, that's better than Vito's booty, clearly. No. Did you see a pirate? Vito's booty's in rough shape. I forgot to repair it. Yeah, you completely destroyed the box.

Ufis Fisuga for 20 with Dick's point on conservative comedy having no nuance. Tim Allen was the only guest on Norm's podcast to answer sincerely, where do you get your ideas from? Clearly a joke question. All of the good- You never watched Norm's podcast, did you? It was so good because he would have, they had Super Dave on or whatever. Yeah.

And he goes- I've seen clips. I don't know- Yeah, well, I don't know where you get the episode anymore, but he goes, well, actually, Adam Egan had a question for you. Yeah. And he goes, oh, OK. And Adam Eaglet goes, yeah, and he has a card. And he goes, where do you get your ideas from?

And they did it to a bunch of different guests. So Super David just goes, who the fuck is this guy? Like, Adam Letterman. Was Adam being genuine, or was he fucking around? No, he's playing an idiot, as he does on the show, and he does it expertly. Letterman was wrong. But yeah, it's true. Tim Allen was or was he fucking around? No, he was doing, like he's doing, he's playing an idiot as he does on the show and he doesn't act correctly. Letterman was, but yeah it's true, Tim Allen was the only guy who went, well the thing about my ideas is, and they're like, oh no dude we're doing a bit, come on. Like you're not actually supposed to answer that.

I don't know if he was playing or not. Oh man. He's like riding the line. Well who, Adam Egan? Yeah, Adam Egan. Adam Egan is a smart guy, he did ride the line. Yeah. All? Adam Egan? Yeah, Adam Egan. Adam Egan is a smart guy. He did ride the line. Yeah.

All the Holocaust-style stuff. The Holocaust stuff he's joking about, probably. Where do you get your ideas? Oh, God. The Jerry and Coke for five. I bought and installed a new steering wheel on my 32-year-old fishing boat, and in June and in August, it was sticky. I replaced it with the OG wheel.

There you go. Bro, I bet this is happening at it to a degree There's got to be a class action lawsuit about it jj for five if you know anyone else with original turbo graphics games have John Breaks bad news give them a call Thanks for the laugh boys veto can't right Ocklevich for five the guest literally every fan Wants Sean the audio engineer, Ask Plantation Magnate, America's sweetheart, world's most smoochie man.

We had him on episode 100, but you know, he's a busy man. Aspertame, brain tumor for 10. Hey, Dick, whatever happened to your buddy Rocket Man, the one that does drunken handstands and bar stools, you should bring him on again. I don't know what he's doing now. He's working in telescopes somewhere. He was working on the Webb Telescope for a while, I think.

I don't know anymore. Mike, come for five, ask for a lighter, then when they hand it over, ask for a cigarette. That's exactly what we need. Comedy and borrowing cigarettes. Comedy and grabbing cigarettes from people. I got a couple more super chats here. A lot. There we go. There we go. Take it away. Jerry Coke for two, Thank you, fisherman. Fuck you, veto. Ifty tifty for two. Quick Nick Kata update please. Big Dick, do you

got any Nick Kata news? His plea is postponed. I thought that would be big news, but he's postponing it. But does that mean a plea exists? That means they're negotiating a plea. So they're still negotiating? Yeah. Okay. So they're still negotiating. Yeah. OK, so that's good news. Yeah. I think. I think so too.

Yeah. Have you talked? It probably means he's not going to prison. Have you talked to him at all? No. Not really. Not about this. Did he call into Melton's show?

Yeah, Melton's show. Yeah, he called in with Carl. There's so many. It's hard to know. I feel like I'm reading Marvel comic books now, where it's like, we, he called in with Carl. There's so many. It's hard to know. I feel like I'm reading Marvel comic books now, where it's like, we want to know what happened at the end of Secret Wars 12. You got to watch Melton, and then you

got to watch Carl, or whatever. I can't follow this shit. Some of you Clippers, I've got to say, are slipping. OK, why? Yeah, there needs to be like a weekend roundup of this shit, so I can just see a good three, four hours of all the weeks transpiring. I gotta say there's a lot of clippers out there and I don't know how there's not one guy who's just got all the different Nick Riketa, Aaron Imholt fucking drama. Yeah.

Boom. Yeah. That's what I want. Yeah. And I'm gonna tell you, you'd make a lot of money doing it. Yeah, you would. You should be doing it. And none of this 24 hour livestream shit.

I've been tricked by that twice now on NLO. And it really pissed me off both times. Why did you try to chat with the show that was actually live? I was just watching it for a while, and I'm like, wait a minute. This is old now. This sounds old. No.

I just got charged a, I forgot to cancel our subscription event, so I just got charged 50 bucks for that shit. I'm like, god damn it. Thanks, Brave. Thank you, Brave, for helping. We're that shit. I'm like, god damn it. Thank you, Brave, for helping. We're on a different channel. Yeah, maybe I will. Guys tell me, yeah, we'll do some.

Fender Pinwheeler for two. I heard gasoline works with that sticky plastic. I think I also heard that, but I can't imagine that it's. I'm going to dump gasoline all over my Nintendo controllers. That's a great idea. I'll let you know how that works. I'll say this is that if there was a solution for this, it would definitely be the retro game community that

figured it out. And it wouldn't be gasoline. No. I think gasoline is the problem. Let's see. DiamondG for five, is there still an NDA on the Vito versus Riley bout? Maybe we could post it.

I don't know. It's been reinterpreted in many ways. I'm now being told that various things. Degasuki, Shinzuki for two. Hey, ha ha ha, Baldr. How's it going, Baldr? Fox Holy for 10, my gay brother left the country this year to Europe out of fear of political violence from Trump.

Today he got a pamphlet on his door warning about what to do if Russia bombs his new country. Good job, idiot. Yeah, you got out of America. You were worried about being gay in America. Have you seen? What are you talking about? We're the only country not importing Islam anymore.

Dirty Dalish, for five cents. I was looking forward to our date, Vito. You shouldn't have canceled. We could talk about video games and I'll pay for the buffet. Kissy face. It's Dirty Dalish talking to you. I had a great time talking to Dalish. I thought.

Uh-oh, what happened? I was then told, Vito, you are a real creep to that girl. I'm not going to get into it, but certain people. What do you mean certain people? We all know who you're talking about now. Well, then if everyone knows who I'm talking about, then who cares? When you're talking about them. They said, Oh, Vito, you're such a creep. And you were like stuttering when you were talking or like Where you I don't think so. I just fucking talked to her. I was like, yeah How are you talking to her show us? I? Said where do you live?

Seems a little creepy. Yeah, that's true Well, cuz I was like I was like what part of California and that's a really shitty part of California Oh, yeah, you gotta get out of there. Yeah. But anyway, I was told I'm a creep and a loser and I shouldn't talk to women. I said, well, you are the guys who were telling me I gotta film videos with this girl. And now you're telling me that the entertainment value for it is making me look like a creep and a loser. I'm like, so maybe it's not a good idea.

She seems like a very nice girl, but I don't know what's going on. She wasn't calling you a creep and a loser. I think she's I like Dalish. She's very nice to me. So I don't know But apparently did when I left was everybody going wow, I don't know if you know was really creeping on that girl I barely fucking came over and said oh, thank God that guy's gone I got that guy left come over and see if you need I was gonna ask if you need an angel shot she did I That guy's gone. I was gonna come over and see if you need an angel shot. She did. I don't know if I'm allowed to say who she was. And then my citizen app lit up and said like a sexual deviant has moved into the parking lot, right?

I don't know. Point one miles where you're at. Exactly, yeah, sex offenders in the parking lot. I don't know if I'm allowed to say who she was with, but I was honestly happy about that situation. I was like, good! Trying to deflect now with other people's business. I wouldn't be creeping on her because I was like, good for them. This is a match made in heaven, I thought.

I hope they'd make some beautiful babies. What are you, toasting at a wedding? I don't know. This is what you do. Anytime the heat's on you, it's let's air out other people's business. No, I was exci- I don't know who I'm supposed to say was there, but I like that guy anyway What?

Now I am being a creep and I went home and I thought about I hope Dalish and that guy I hope right now They're fucking each other. Yeah Cut out their heads and I put them on doll's and I bet this is what's going on right now I bet this was good. I love you guys there. We go. That's great. You're right. I am a creep Fender pinwheeler for two says value select was an awesome guest see he was great. He was good. He was great I think dr. Kevin does okay. He's great, too. We get some good Oh, she's serious you sound bad man. You gotta get to get home. Plumbo for five, Hi Baldr, JuH for 10, Hey Baldr, Lickhole, Oglovich for two, Daily Reminder,

Plumbo's packing a fat one. Hey, you got a treasure chest or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We still got more. We do have more. OK. Stu K for two, put up the frog flag veto, it's lit veto, we do, Stu sent us a bunch of flags, we have my Trump flag here, there's some other ones,

we'll get them hung up by the next show. Jerry Coke for two, you really fucked up my treasure chest. That's my booty, it's mine! Jerry Coke for two says gasoline makes it more sticky. Oh, I knew it, You fucking cocksucker! I don't think that works. Dekasuki Chinsuki for five. Plumbo has female gametes. How do you pronounce that word?

Gametes. Gametes. Like the kumate. And shitlipster five. Vito, start with can I drink your bathwater? I'll drink your bathwater, okay. Next up. Oh, what's the game where he spats all the toys?

Vito's booty. I'm a man who treats about the boys. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh Vitos booty, Vitos booty, Vitos booty! Alright, what is gonna be six Scallywag? You're gonna get on the scale you took your eye patch off to shave off a couple of ounces. I see an ounce or two, an ounce and a half. Well, it seems like the fans were disappointed that they missed a Smashing last week. And I also think you're too lazy to have replaced whatever was in there with something new. I did! Oh, there's something new in there?

It's not a Funko Pop. It's not a F- Okay, but it is something bad. It's something good, actually. Alright, well let's smash it then. Okay, are you sure? I'm sure. Oh, here it is! Oh no, it's a-

It's a- It's a Goo Jit-, this is kind of cool. It's a minion minions Camera down so not really I don't want to smash my remotes How do you smash a fucking it's made a rubber you gotta rip it up? Yeah, you didn't even take it out of the package That's a minions character everywhere the kids super stretchy man Armstrong here you hold the one piece Yeah Oh Boba Fett's gonna help us out. Now. I kind of oh god. Oh It's got cool goo inside. Oh wow. Oh, that's awesome shit gross. Is this hazardous? No, it's like

It's all sticky. It is sticky It's got sticky goo inside of it. I see it It's got sticky goo inside of it. I see it Stretch Armstrong didn't have sticky goo inside of him, right or maybe did knows a little guy. Oh No, but I'm saying what's inside of a stretch Armstrong this goo No, maybe what do you think things like I had it's like set sansh I was gonna say but a stretch Armstrong's villain had that of him. Dude, this is weird. Oh, I really regret this. Stabbing it. Why'd they send the sad one? Why didn't they send the like, happy one?

This is like cra- this has gotta be poisonous. No, it's just like, uh... Look, it's total- dude, you cannot unstick this from your fingers. Don't touch it. Well... Give me the knife. No! Well, you gotta- I already did enough!

Come on! You barely did anything to it! No, it's ruined the knife! Oh, shit, it probably did me the knife. No! I already did enough! Come on! You barely did anything to it! Oh shit, it probably did ruin the knife. Yeah! Don't touch it with anything! That's a nice knife. Alright, goodbye everybody. Guys, we'll be back next week with more fun. Thanks to all our supporters! And we'll have a nice bonus episode for you soon.

Sorry for getting sick. I think that's toxic. I'm sure you're not supposed to eat it're not you're getting it all over your hands. It's not gonna wash off. It's just glue or something It's not warning warning poison hazard, okay. Oh look the feet come out too. Oh my god. This was a bad idea Yeah, you probably fucked up that $300 knife fuck I Got more sticky shit. I can't wait Okay, now it is all over my fingers. Vito's booty. God damn it.

Another, another classic disaster from... I should have left, I should have left the... Captain Masterson. Alright, goodbye. Goodbye. Cough.