The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 175

Episode Date: February 1, 2025

You should take a look at the Eldrazi. They're like gremlins basically. They're not No, they're not like gremlins at all. They're like gremlins. No, they have a lot of hack movies next week I don't want to start with. I don't want to start with gremlins. All right, they're like, Lovecraftian horrors is more like it Gay, I heard gay horrors. Lovecraft wasn't gay. He was racist. That's the gayest kind He was a super racist. I got it. I'm scraping. I gotta stop this scraping scraping. Yeah The PSA database. Hey, hey, hey somebody scraping something. That's all I know Let's do the pre-show, start streaming. Let's see if this works.

Mate and gay. Da da da da da. Da da da da da da. Homosexual, they say. Can't believe it. I gotta figure out how to scam GameStop because they're doing something wrong with their PSA buying. What do you mean?

I went on their website to see what they got for Magic Cards. And now they're selling PSA slabs. Okay. Okay. So they have the same slabbed Magic Uncommon. They have like a hundred copies of it. And they're selling each of them for a hundred dollars. And I'm like, what happened here

and who ripped you guys off this effectively? What the fuck are you talking about? They're selling what? So they have like, there's this magic card. There's a couple of them, but one of them is like this card Skullcrack. Okay. It's like a fine card,

but it's like maybe a $1 uncommon Okay, and I went on their website. I'm like, why do they have a listing for skull cracks like a hunt like you scroll through the Just skull crack skull crack skull crack skull crack and they're tracking that they're looking to look in the thing See if it's the correct size You are a little low in the frame. No, don't touch that Okay, you were a little low in the frame. No, don't touch that. Okay. You were a little low last time. That's good, I guess. I'm blown out. You want to dial me down one?

Yeah. What I think happened is someone must have figured out something with their database that they had a card listed for the wrong price or something. And they raped him? Got 100 copies of that card graded. Is that right? Yeah, it looks right. OK.

And then must have sold it to them for like 50 bucks a card for this like $1 card. Because there's no other reason for them to have like 100 of this shit. Oh, they've got a ton of graded shitty, this shit card? Like a complete shit card. And I'm like, oh, so. And so and I was like oh this must be like the same listing just duplicated It's like no they each have their own PSA number Someone did that to us they saw that the floor of our NFTs was like

Ten bucks so they went on eBay and bought it like a dollar card and then sent him in and we're like You know buddy this doesn't help us Yeah, it's not funny. It's like man. That's the tragedy of the market Well, no, then the person who had the bid out just canceled their bid Yeah, like they saw all these shitty cards like okay. I'll just I'm not buying He didn't outsmart anyone Everybody's always got a gimmick. Yeah, I gotta make 50 bucks quick doing all this work.

That's the worst part. It'll be two bucks an hour by the time I'm done. That worked alright. I don't know. Chicken chicken chicken, cow, whey, whey, whey, whey. I gotta find a guy who works at GameStop to figure out how they're calculating the uh... Oh my god. You're one of these guys.

Yeah, but like, dude, if I can. You're one of these guys. Yeah, but like dude if I can- You're gonna get in there. If I can sell them like a cheapo crappy card and get a hundred bucks for it. Why don't you just work and make a hundred bucks the honest way? That's way less fun. You gotta rip off GameStop somehow. Aren't you one of these guys- I think when you make money from a scam it feels way better

$100 is not money if you make a hundred thousand dollars trading like a hundred of that card $100 every time You don't think they're gonna catch on to that They didn't for this guy they might have caught on now But it's possible that their system if you can look up whatever it's classic Classic oh man, I've always uh've always uh Getting the good scams going What's your biggest scam I don't know what my biggest scam is other than super killer That's a good one There was one you can that's one you can that's like a walk-off scam

I think I talked about the time that uh I went to walk-off scam. I think I talked about the time that I went to PAX, the like video game with the Penny Arcade? Yeah, the Penny Arcade Expo or whatever. Yeah. And they had if you go to the Bungie booth. Was there a lot of pedophiles there? I'm sure there was. Could you tell? I assume. Yeah, well there's a lot. Was there a lot of kids there? No, no. I don't remember man. I assume so. But they had if you bought something at the bungee booth You got this coupon for a stupid game emblem Okay, and because you can only get it at the show like oh, I remember you yeah

Yeah, and grab a whole I crap to stack like 50 of them. I mean like that's not really a scam. That's just stealing That's just like stealing and a lot of my scams are just stealing now that I think about it That's just like stealing man. That's true. A lot of my scams are just stealing now that I think about it. Like those guys that stole the magic crate? Yeah, those guys did not. That did not go very well for them. I got to talk to you about card processing after the show.

Yeah, we should. Yeah, let's get into it. Dude, the card market, well, magic cards are actually. Fuck magic cards. No, magic's going to be doing better than Pokemon, because magic's actually restricting the supply finally Yeah, right. That's what they say. You start buying it and then they jack you I don't know if they haven't reprinted any of the past a couple sets and now the prices are actually going up for the first

time in a while The price for your Eldrazi Gay gremlins deck that one's going down a little bit, but... I only want to play with slivers. You might like Eldrazi. I really have to stress, I only like... Pretend that I have a way more advanced form of autism than I do, and it's focused entirely on magic-gathering slivers.

I hate slivers, but not even... It's so annoying. You would, because you really can cook up a long game, and then pop some muscle slivers. I hate gathering slivers. It's so annoying. You would because you really can cook up a long game and then pop some muscle slivers down and some swamp slivers, some fury slivers. Swamp slivers not a type of sliver but sure. I've played with swamp slivers. Plenty of swamp slivers that you don't even know about. Basil sliver, now that's a sliver. Are we going over?

A basil sliver? What's that? I think it's the one you can sac slivers to get two black mana. You can sex a sliver? Sac. Sacrifice. I only want to play with slivers, okay? Don't try to- it's the worst way to put magic. Don't try to con me any kind of other deck that you want. It's just uh... Don't try to unload your cards on me. I'm not trying to unload. You said you need a commander deck. I said, no, no, no. I said I need a sliver commander deck. What did I say? And then I said. I said I need a sliver commander deck by Monday. And I said, well, I could build you a sliver commander deck.

And then you said, no, I have to buy it. You said take mine. And then I said, which one do you have? And you said, well, I just have slivers. And I said, that's not that's like I have a sliver deck at home to the kids. You're supposed to build your own magic deck. You're not supposed to just play a pre-con deck You are supposed to buy it on the site when it says today Yeah, sliver commander deck check it out buy it now. I regret not buying it. Yeah, I regret uh, that's my problem today Is not buying a thing not buying a thing. I was I need it You know what the worst part is now. I remember it

I think I originally planned to get you that for Christmas, and then I got distracted by you got me that dragon the liquor dragon I said Dix been talking about that. You should have got me that sliver deck. That would have been awesome well You're too small aren't you I? Wish I think I look fine. That's better. Now I'm getting some real veto in my face. Alright, I guess that's fine. What a show. What am I gonna do? I don't know. I gotta call around? Is there an app for...

Is this like a secret, high powered magic game? JD Vance. I'm playing against JD Vance. Yeah. Whoever wins gets against J.D. Vance. Yeah Whoever wins gets is the other's wife see when they were having the Articles about his favorite magic card and whatever else it was some I bet it was some lawyer Bullshit like a saga card. It was it was a sigh. Well, it wasn't it not a it was it was bullshit I think it's from is it or is it? Yagmoth's bargain. I think it was a bullshit card Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a classic like ooh, I'm drawing a look at me card. It's a look at me card.

Yeah, what's your favorite magic card? What's my favorite magic card? Yeah, I don't know 100% but Doran the siege tower. What the hell is that? He's a tree. He's a 05 tree. Okay, like a wall Hold on He's a he cost three mana He's a 05 tree and he says all your creatures deal damage equal to their toughness instead of their power Okay, this is like a reverse. Oh, it's a reverse. Oh, you know, you know kind of yeah All of your all of your underpowered little guys now are cool guys. Huh. I should build a Doran deck.

I saw a Doran recently. You should build a boring deck. I forgot about how much I love that guy. Okay, you wanna do the show or you wanna talk magic? But I have, you know, there's a Vito card in Magic. Like the name is Vito, the pizza man or something? Vito, I don't know, heretic of vampire stuff. It's a vampire. It's a vampire Kind of looks like me, too

Really be a subtle tip of the hat. Oh, give me a break Vito, I think yeah, give me a break about that. I like this guy. No, okay. Give him a magic card. Ah We got to do our magic tournament at some point. Where am I supposed to get this sliver deck? I'm fucked man. It's gonna be, yeah, you are kind of fucked like it's- I got- I need it. You can get it online, but you're not gonna get it in two days. And I needed this starting two weeks ago. That's when I knew I needed it. Yeah, but then I went to look and it was too confusing. I don't know why you won't just let me loan you a deck or sell you a deck. You don't have a deck! You have a bunch of cards. That's what magic is.

You don't have a sliver deck. You have like a ramshackle affair of cards. I have most of the good slivers. Yeah, but you don't have it in the right ratio. You don't know what's in the deck. They got all kinds of stuff in the deck. Good stuff that you don't have. I know what's in the deck. I got probably half of it. Maybe all of it. Half of the deck! I'll show up with half of a deck! How's that gonna go? The other half will be better stuff than what comes in that deck. I don't want better stuff! I want stuff that is meant for my level of play, which is somebody that wants to go online and buy it.

It's a sliver deck. The amount of level of play. Oh, I play a sliver. I play a sliver. I will wipe you out. The deck plays itself already. Why it's not you use it then why don't you have one that It's fucking boring. So there's a boring, but they add on to each other I know it's like how is that boring more of them I play the more stuff that happens It's the most fascinating mechanic besides proliferate the most fascinating mechanic ever introduced to Magic the Gathering so dumb This one what the hell are you talking about them all flying yeah, it's fucking which one is that flying sliver windgale sliver Okay, there's also you want cloud shredder sliver. That's the good one. Okay. All right. Let's give them all flying in haste, which is broken I don't really like haste

You don't like hate too much to remember too much to think about magic opinion ever it's just like I've never talked to anybody about magic and have them say I don't like hate It's such a no you wish you do a biggest problem in magic. We should let's do that on the bonus episode Haste fucking sucks because you get a card and it's like oh Okay, this this card kind of sucks. Oh, it has haste Okay, so I can only it's only meant to be used as like a fuck you kind of card What are you talking about your interpretation of haste? It's so stupid

It's stupid if you if this was your opinion about vigilance. I would understand it go alright I get vigilance is annoying, but it's just like what it's it's OP Let's be clear. It's OP. Let's be clear. It's OP. Are you a Shroud Boy or a Hex Proof Man? I'm a Counterspell Man. Oh, garbage. Get out of here.

I have a deck that's only Counterspells and Aether Whales. Wow. It's the most fun. You're a bad person. It's awful. I can't wait to argue about Magic Arts with you. And a Sphinx. Yeah, good. I love it. Biggest problem. I can't wait to argue about my and it's me and it's me. Yeah

What the fuck wrestler town why don't you go Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe wrestler town fuck you slivers is not like playing shoots and ladders This liver is is the best part of magic What can things from the universe the only show that ranks everything in the universe! From trick-sharing food to destiny-licky news! I'm your host, Dick Bachelson. Joining me as always is Vito Giswoldi. Hello, Dick. What's up, man? How's it going?

It's going good. Happy Chinese New Year's or something. Happy Chinese New Year's apparently is the year of the snake. Ooh. I don't have anything to say about that. So everyone born in this year is a snake? I guess so, yeah. My kid's gonna be a year of the snake? Your kid's gonna be a fucking snake.

He's gonna be snaking around. Slithering man. Slithering, you can't trust that kid. Maybe be a cool greaser. Wow. Greaser, what? Well, cuz that was the greaser character on the Simpsons, right? Well, I guess he wasn't a greaser. Oh, snake. No, he's a criminal. He's a criminal yeah Yeah, I think he's like John Travolta wasn't there wasn't there a greaser character named Snake in something? Feels like a typical like 1950s like that's Snake. Yeah, that's Snake Johnson. It can't trust him

He's always riding his 30s. He's riding his motorcycle around your eye, that would be more of the 30s. What the hell are you talking about? It's like the 50s, like Happy Days kind of thing. The Fonz. Fonz, always hung out with that guy Snake. No, that's not a Happy Days kind of thing. The Snake, Reggie the Rapist, those aren't your classic Happy Days names. That's not 50s names.

That wasn't in Greece. Gams, that's like a 50s. Gams. Yeah. Archie, Archie Two-Tone. That, names after your cars. It is a- White Wall. Wesley White Wall.

Speaking of Archie, the other day I'm like in the pharmacy. Oh, okay. And I look on the shelf and I go, how have all the things that I've survived, you know, the test of time Archie the comic yeah so you have you read it I've read Archie like Archie good comic but like I playing two broads what could be better than that playing them off each other going back how long has Archie been going since like the

50s right can you imagine more reading Archie like the 50s, right? Can you imagine? I need more Archie. Reading Archie in the 50s and going like this will be relevant 70 years from now. Yeah, I can. What are you talking about? Every anime is basically that, a guy with two whores. Why have we never had an Archie anime? Now that's a real problem. That would be fantastic. Archie and Moose and Reggie gotta fight their way. You got Kramer coming in there. Yeah, you got a Betty and Veronica. You know, I never read any of the Cheryl, what was her name, Cheryl Blossom? No one gives a shit about Cheryl Blossom.

That redhead showed up. That's pedophile shit. That was pedophile shit. I never read any of that. Okay. Good banter about Archie. Archie magic cards, the show has it all. Now I'm thinking about slippers again. Non-consensual sex recording. Yeah, I won. Yeah

And You're and you were trying to you're trying to nail me to the wall on that. I have very firmly said that What what happens? I thought it was so funny cuz you you made that weird video about it where you didn't know what's going on I watched the video and then you I watched I watched part of it, and then I was like I got it I knew what was going on look it didn't sound like you had a position on it my position is Hey, I think this guy was again horny logic He's like I can just send videos of me fucking to random girls online And this will end in my favor, and I was like now you just don't

do that mr. girl said mr. girl I said I read far darker things about the situation I read it after our episode and he said that guys can only identify with the man in this situation and not the victims and I said that that's about right yeah that was that explains perfectly my what I was thinking I talked to him on the, I called him, because obviously, look. He's horny logic, like, wait a minute, you're identifying with him?

Why? Mr. Girl obviously had a big falling out with Destiny, he had some very strong opinions on it. And I was like, well, what Destiny should have done is just paid her off. And he's like, why is your first instinct to think about how Destiny can get out of this situation? Can get away with it.

Yeah. That's what's occurring to me as well. Because I'm a guy. Yeah. No. That's not why. I think it's more like, well, the deed's already done. I mean, now's the time to speculate about it.

Can you salvage your reputation or whatever? Why would you want that? I don't know. Why would you want that? Because we live know, cause we live in an era of, I think it's fascinating when you see guys, I think that we, especially as entertainers or whatever, and guys, We, here we go, yeah, okay.

You know, you go, so much of that relies on having this public image and what do you do if you face scandal or whatever else? I don't know. A scandal that you did? A scandal that you did, right? Like OJ? Well sometimes it works out.

He's innocent. OJ kind of, let's be real, of guys who- He's innocent though. Of guys who managed to recover from a life changing event or whatever. OJ didn't at all. What do you mean, recovered? I mean he- He like lived in infamy until he was dead because

it was NFL. It could have been way worse for him. It was kind of like people got over it. They're like Oh, OJ. Well he could have gone to prison, but then like it could have been this thing where like you know all the time where he's talking about God I hate OJ what a murderer, but it's kind of like. Norm MacDonald talked about it for like 10 years. He's our fun, murdery uncle. Like it became funny. I don't think that that was. He played it pretty well. Didn't he do it? Wasn't he on the golf course one time? And he was like looking in the hole.

He's like, baby, the murderer's in there. And you're like, oh, OJ. Oh, OJ, you rascal. You rascal. Because he's funny. He was funny. Doomers, next. That's a good one.

That was a good one. food sharing. Yeah prisoner firefighters I don't know why you got negative 37 on that. I guess everybody loves prisoners fighting fires for him Could be a prisoner curing cancer still be bad guys. What did he do? Yeah, what do you I don't get it I don't know I like Is everybody just happy to see prisoners doing anything I implies that there there's a time when they're not working on stuff for making up for what they did Yeah, okay after fighting the fires. What are you guys gonna? Do next? I hope it's like I saw people try to like lecture me on like what they're doing and like they're like oh You know do you know they have they don't even have equipment or whatever

I'm like so they're shitty firefighters like I was that better Yeah, then definitely why are you guys don't even have equipment or whatever. I'm like, so they're shitty firefighters? Topgolf last night and I wanted to drive a drunk drive the ball collector thing. What if I could pay to do that voted up? I don't remember what that problem is, but he seemed passionate about it. I don't know if that's really to do with the girl's problem. He said voted up. So I said that must be for this show.

No, I think, I don't know. I do want to drive that ball collector though. That's true. Why? I don't know, it looks fun. Like you just pick up all the golf balls and they get sent to the that ball collector though. That's true. Why I don't know It looks fun like you just pick up all the golf balls and they get sent to the back of the cart It looks fun to drive a tractor There was a there was a Pete and Pete episode where he was a range boy

And he drove that little cart around collect the golf balls And I was like it looks kind of fun if they had a Pete and Pete fantasy camp would you want to do that? Yeah Pete Pete's one of my number one TV shows of all time. And you guys could all dress up like Pete or Pete, and then there'd be like an arty that showed up. You know what the worst part is, is that young Pete went to college in my hometown,

and people would always be like, oh yeah, I saw him at the pizzeria. I lived in the same town as young Pete for like four years, and I didn't see him once. What would you have said? I would have said, I really like your show that you were on when you were a child. Would you have tried to get a picture with him? Yeah, I would have got a picture with Danny Tamburelli. If I ever get a tattoo, I will get the Petunia tattoo.

The dancing lady tattoo. The dancing lady. I love that show. Satanic. Gwine Gadapal Madoscus says, Vito's unbridled joy at the reading of the Pokemon grades and And Dick not really not realizing how much Vito is enjoying the entire thing. Priceless. Somebody pointed out I fucked up big. Why? Because I should have said that Lugia was a 10. I would have done that. That would have been because you would have been like, oh my god!

That would have been because you would have been like oh my god You know yeah fuck that would have been good. Yeah, I wasn't thinking that hard at far ahead So happy that I got bad grades. They weren't bad grades. They're fine grades. You're expecting too much I'm just expecting fairness. I wanted fair tens well now you got me one to grade my shit now I want to grade send it to tag or something the laser grading place I want to I just want a guy to yeah Well people don't like the laser grades for some reason for some reason they want an old fat guy at PSA to go Looks like a nine to me enough of these scandals. They're not gonna be thinking like that anymore Have you seen the pet the tag grades? They got like close-ups of all the edges

Yeah, it's awesome. It's cool. Do you see the recent, what was the CGC scandal this week? Somebody printed old Pokemon cards last year. Oh, the fake Pokemon cards? Dude, yeah, an old Japanese guy who was just like, yeah, I worked at Pokemon, look at all these original Pokemon cards that no one's ever seen before.

And everyone's like, oh, not realizing? I think it's like this subtle racism where we're like, we expect, maybe it's not even racism It's probably is true like we expect Japanese people to not lie as much. I guess that's racism Well, it's like you're like, oh, they're such a polite society. There's no way this look Time it's racism is if you say something bad about black people Nothing else is anything else you say about any other race is just normal noticing You're right, but then this whole Japanese guy just showed up to CGC

So yeah, these are all original Pokemon cards They said okay, and they just put them in slabs and rated them at 10 and somebody went You know it's got that like dot code on it when you print it out of a home printer that says this was printed In June of 20 what the hell is that when did that start? How does everyone not know this? I've known this for the last decade. It should say on the printer, hey by the way, everything that comes out of here... They obviously don't want you to know, but I figured you would be a guy who knows. That's entrapment! It should say it on the printer, hey be careful, any crimes you print out of this is going to be traced back to this printer.

Yeah, what do you think, how do you think they get all these like terrorist guys immediately? It's because they always like print something out and then they're like... Because they just look at them. Look at that guy. For those of you who don't know, every time... Because the terrorists are working for the CIA, that's how I thought they got them. The worst part is the guys who make jokes, they're like... Cause they just look at them. Look at that guy. For those of you who don't know, every time... Cause their tears are working for the CIA. That's how I thought they got them. The worst part is the guys who make jokes, they're like, oh how come I can't print in black and white if I don't have yellow ink?

It's like a scam from the companies or whatever. It's like, no it needs the yellow ink to print the invisible message. I didn't know that. That traces your paper back to your printer. I thought it was just a scam. I thought I was just poorly engineered. No, it's literally every single, by law, I think by law or, I don't know. Yeah?

The printer manufacturers have to encode into every printer that it will print out a little dot matrix pattern in yellow ink that says when the thing was printed, what machine. I thought this was America. Well, you were incorrect. What the fuck? I know, it's kind of weird and sinister. When is Trump getting rid of that? I don't think you will.

It's dystopian. Is the word you're looking for. You would think somebody would show up by now and be like, can it really be illegal to make a printer where you're like, I'm not doing that, I don't have to do that. So if I printed out that picture of that guy going like this, and I sent it to the bank every day for the last three years, are they going to know that's me?

You might be getting a knock on the door. Fuck! Yeah, you can't be fucking around with the printer, man. And they just go straight to Amazon and say, hey, who did this? Who printed this? I guess so. I was trying to figure out, I'm like,

could you replace the yellow ink cartridge with like, dummy yellow ink? You know, print it out. Can I just get a not ratting printer? You would think a guy would have hacked it by now to like, you know, take that off, but yeah, no. I don't like this one bit. Ariel C says, um, Christoph Dundifur says, Vito is way too happy about Dick not getting PSA 10s. Yeah, Vito's fucked. Ariel C says,

I mean, you do not deserve a 10. I had those cards for that one Charizard that got altered. That's a ten It says it's an N five, but it's altered It says altered because they think I smushed it between books That's what I read online not on their site, but other on other forums Oh and five which means it's too perfect. It's too perfect. So they said this cards too perfect send it back instead of ten That was my 10 that I got robbed out of because they measure the thickness of it or some they

measured the thickness of my dick in their ass but there's nothing you can't mouth it's not altered to press a card to make sure it's like yeah you can do that if it's too fresh Wow anyway that would have been a 10 my hate for veto and love for dick grows every episode great show. Thank you I hate you too. The goose in Buick says There's an unwritten rule among men that you should only share sex stories if they involve going something going hilariously and disastrously the wrong Yeah, not that's something that's rule doesn't go for everybody though And you could really split men into the story if it's not a hilarious

They just talk about sex. I And you could really split men into- Well what is the story if it's not a hilarious sexual act to create? They just talk about sex. I had a guy, I had a buddy like that and I was like, Dude, I can't hang out with you anymore. And he's like, well I am like, All you talk about is sex. Yeah. It's your only character trait.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to react to that. Yeah. I'm grossed out. I mean like at a certain point, you know like, If a guy, you see a hot chick, you go, you know, I'd fuck her. You go, I... But when he does that with every single girl who walks past us in the course of a lunch, like 20 girls, I go, yeah, I know!

I know you would fuck her! What do you want? I know you would fuck anything! Stop! Uh, that guy just, uh, too much. Get Terry says it was fun to see Dick in the hot seat over Pokemon gradings. Got really roasted. Get Frel'd. Now if only Trump could get me a refund for Superkiller, we'd be living in a utopia.

Someday. Do you think Trump's gonna crack down on Kickstarter? I think so. Like fraudulent crowdfunding, all the outstanding crowd funders. It's fine if you have delivered comics in the past But people who come in and haven't delivered don't you agree? I? Love the asterisk it's not an asterisk you know but you're the asterisk. You've delivered comics in the past I mean if you've delivered them in the past it's fine, but if you're a newbie Yeah, if it's your newbie. There's way more well, yeah, cuz you have no like you're not doing anything sure

So it's way worse. Thanks for the asterisk. It's good. It's obvious. I wonder who that's for just anybody Anybody who makes hits and puts comics out Doesn't matter how long the fourth or fifth I have joined a long line of late Comic creators I get first. I don't know about that. All right. Do you see that black guy? Threatened to fight me in Vegas. I did yeah one of the guys so he has what he had Eric July on his podcast or something a little black guy with a little cowboy hat These were the guys saying we have the black Stan Lee joining us right was that their yeah Midnight Street or something like that Together two black people you really got to call your thing Midnight Street or something like that. Two black things together. If you're too black, people, you really gotta call your thing Midnight Street.

I'm the Midnight and I'm the Black Top. Midnight on the Black Top on the street. Welcome to the Dark Night of Blackness. A void of inescapable light. I got it, you guys are black. Welcome to... What's that black color that's like blacker than black? That paint that's like trademarked?

Oh god, I don't know. Noir or something. No vet vent vent a black. Yeah Vanta black Vanta black. Welcome to Vanta black. That's their black guy that shows up in like a Sherlock Holmes like pipe Indubitably gentlemen. Yes It is interesting like, you know black guys get to play around with the idea of, like, black as a color, you know? So you could be, like, the Midnight Society or whatever. Yeah.

But we can't be, like, the Daylight Boys, you know? Because it's retarded. Yeah, well, it's, like, retarded to make a whole thing based on your race, that's why. Yeah, it's pretty bad. Well, Trump's made it illegal, so we're getting rid of all that. Oh, I don't know Maybe we'll get into that stuff later. Did you see the picture from the VA where they had a wall that was just like, not the VA

It was the I think was the FBI headquarters in Quantico or whatever. They just had a wall. Oh, they're painting over it Yeah, because the wall was like all these like, you know diversity inclusion, whatever. It's like a target. Gray paint Inclusion whatever and she's like a target gray paint And I was like yeah, yeah, all right good because what that thing before it's not even that it was I don't want inspiring Fonts on the wall. Yeah, that was more what bothered me about it. Yeah that I was like, I don't women. Yeah exactly Yeah, this is something a woman would do and go look at all these words friendship. Yeah together reliability, yeah diversity helping inclusion question mark Judgment I was like I literally just want guys in suits to walk to their office and be like let's kill some terrorists

Can you imagine like silence of the lambs like the whole Jodie Foster thing and then she like her and that guys skinner walked By like a giant wall of fonts and pride flags and pride flags and shit I want you guys to be like you know cold hearted guy Clarice tell me her agent what's her name star Starling Starling tell me about him well I think you mean she sir now what are the pronouns of the killer? Well, hold on. Yeah, I mean, in a way, I think that what we're trying to do in America is we're trying to make America a little cool again. Again.

Yeah, well, great again. Yeah. Because we had, when you watch Mulder and Scully, you're like, ah, two cool FBI guys hunting aliens or whatever, at no point do they sit down and be like, and let's do some gay stuff and talk about that. It's like, no. Do you think these aliens are gay?

Do cool FBI stuff. Yeah. How many genders do you think there are? I think this is one of the black guys on their planet. So be careful. What do you mean by that? I'm just saying. We gotta get back to some hard-nosed.

Like that stretchy man. Yeah. Remember him? From X-Fosed, uh... Like that stretchy man. Yeah. Remember him? From X-Files? Yeah, he would stretch out. Yeah, I vaguely remember that. I was playing with a sliver deck when I was watching that episode. Well, what happened to your sli- how come you have all your Pokemon cards and you got your slivers?

I don't, because I got rid of all my magic cards. I sold them to my friend. Yeah. For rollerblades, I think. Well, rollerblades are pretty cool. Why don't you go rollerblading on Monday? Buy this Eldrazi deck for me. I don't want your fucking Eldrazi deck. It sounds like... You don't even know what an Eldrazi is. You would enjoy it. I know that it sucks because you're trying to unload it so hard.

No, I'm not trying to unload it hard. It's a good deck. I just haven't... Whatever. Vito's guy is cradle says Sven Stoffels released two comics by himself, you know, TikTok. Incredible. Atticus Finch, I thought the colors were being fixed in September. Yeah, that's true, weren't they being fixed in September? They were being worked on in September, not fixed. Oh, okay.

I have the colors, I'm just, I'm tweaking them. To my liking. Do you go like an eye doctor? Better here, better here, better here, better here. Yes, actually I do. Better here, better here. It's, it's good. It's looking good.

Atomic Blast, Dick thinking he would get a 10 is wild to me. You could crack open brand new packs and send them 150 cards and you might have two of those cards come back a 10. Yeah, with that attitude I bet you would have two of those cards come back at 10. Yeah with that attitude I bet you would have too. Maybe even less. You're a loser That's all I got you Das Commander the 20 million dollar man getting pissy and throwing hissy fits over a fucking Card being not quite as valuable or arguing with veto over pocket change makes you sound like a chosen

I'd Dickenstein Chosenite I never heard that one. Is that a reference for the Jewish people? What is this? I don't know what it shows I mean, it's pretty cool actually. I Like chosen I'd is if that's our new anti-semitic. I need to get here. What's the chosen? Dead is one of the chosen and they're from space. So tonight the chosen a it's they know tonight Wow Yeah, I'm gonna call someone a chosen. I like well I don't think it makes sense to apply it to you, but

The chosen a The chosen ice Okay synthetic shinobi dick's hopes and dreams being dashed over Pokemon card grading is the purest form of karma I've ever seen after what he did to that guy's cradle. I was horrible Sean Thompson says dick giving veto hell for destiny after sticking to Nick is hilarious Is I think he means Nick Riketa I think he means Nick Riketa yeah I'm gonna say what destiny did is worse than what Nick Riketa or Fuentes? I think he means Nick Riketa, yeah. I'm gonna say what Destiny did is worse than what Nick Riketa did. How many times worse? All Nick Riketa did was cocaine.

That's it. Literally all. Yeah. And like, well, their cope is always, yeah, we did cocaine and he has kids. And you're like, what the fu- what do you think Hollywood is? Do you think cocaine's worse than alcohol because it's not yeah It's not cocaine driving accidents there are every year Very few and all your favorite Hollywood stars that have kids. They involve alcohol. Yeah, they're all having alcohol and cocaine parties So alcohol and cigarettes way way worse than cocaine

Yeah, cocaine is uh, they they sell it over the counter, it's called Ritalin, it's like, what do you mean? Yeah. He just really wanted some. Okay, that's all my, oh yeah, Soul Train. And then his kid was in the room and he threw a ball of cocaine at her head and it landed in her hair.

That was his, I gotta get outta here. She walked in on the four-some and he goes, uh-oh, smoke bomb, Oh no, that was my cocaine! That's a good gimmick. The cocaine smoke bomb. Fuck! That's the wrong one! That's good. Alright, I don't have anything, we're just going straight into the problems. Are we? You don't have a vote it up? No, I don't have a vote it up. All right. My problem dick is one that was inspired by recent events Okay, there was this horrific tragedy

Where a we're always talking about the FBI. I think how they painted over that wall Maybe it'll teach them to fly their helicopter straight. Oh, you're talking about the plane crash Yeah, the plane crash whoever was flying that thing was thinking too much about all the words on that What's the diversity then inclusion or inclusion then diversity It was a woman right? Ah, there's a lot of no, I think that came out. It was incorrect, but I don't know. Yeah, but it It was definitely it wasn't a guy flying that I don't know who I watched it fly right into the thing That's a woman flying it. I can tell didn't JD Vance say the problem. What did JD Vance say? He's like I shits the problem. Yeah, de I de I should the problem you guys are putting all these minorities in it's stressing the white people Out and I and I said that's absolutely correct

It's making it harder if a white person fucks up. It's cuz diversity made it harder Yeah, yeah, it's a bit of a stretch there stretch welcome that yeah Go to an airport by yourself and go to an airport with a woman and you tell me which one was easier, okay? I don't think we got to blame everything on DEI. I think it's possible for a plane crash to happen No, it happened because of DEI. Okay, maybe the helicopter was black or something. I don't know 9-eleven DEI Definitely, yeah, they let all those Muslim guys through because they didn't want to be racist Maybe the helicopter was black or something. I don't know. 9-Eleven? DEI? Definitely. What are you talking about? Because they let all those Muslim guys through because they didn't want to be racist. Yeah.

Yeah, and then we had to come up with creative ways to stop them by being like, no, you set off a random check. You know what? Maybe DEI did cause 9-Eleven. It did. It should have been day after, should have been, hey, we're stopping all the Muslim people at the airport. Yeah. I've never been like, that makes sense. That makes sense though, honestly. They don't like our buildings for some reason,

especially the tall ones. And then like a Muslim who got on TV and said like, well, you know what I think is like, hey, just take that energy into TSA. Yeah. So what do you want? All of us to get checked instead of just you? Cause that just sounds like a big pain in the ass, bro.

Like that's like fucking stupid. It would have been great for the Muslim community to step up and go alright we'll do the checks we get it guys you know everybody else who worships the plane face guy. Actually we know who's doing the terrorism so we'll just turn them in yeah instead we got to occasionally grab a lady in a wheelchair and be like your wheelchair might be a bomb I don't know I ain't got to look. Fucking dumb it's dumb they should have done it they should. They should have done it. They should have, who should have done it? The Muslim people.

They should have stepped up. That would have been big for America. That would have been American of them. That would have been very American for them. That would have been Star Wars 2 of them. So as the details from this plane crash are coming in, it was a helicopter, an FBI helicopter, collided with a passenger plane.

I believe 67 people were killed when the plane plunged into the river. And then, you know, it starts coming out who was on the plane. And it turned out it was a lot of kids who were coming back from a figure skating camp, you know, the figure skaters, like, you know, the- I know what figure skating is. Yeah. And I, you know, I was looking at it, and a lot of people on Twitter are like, oh, you know, it's a tragedy what happened. I said, yeah, I mean, like, at least it was just figure skaters, though. Oh, I see.

You know? Okay. And that's my problem is figure skating. Figure skaters. Who gives a shit about that? Too many figure skaters. It's not too many It's like the whole now. There's just the right amount It's like Part am I like oh there now this less girls gonna be less figure skating right if it was like atomic engineers

And you'd be like oh shit Yeah, it was like people who drive burritos to your house Yeah, you know if it was like you know if it was like a baseball team I'd be like oh one of those guys might have like grown up and had a cool sports card I could collect or something you know you might hit a couple homers right, but now I'm like what I'm gonna be watching the Olympics And then the figure skating portion is a little bit shorter because there's less guys to do it Yeah, like what am I losing out on exactly? OK, I see. I'm just saying, like, look, obviously.

You don't like women that look like little girls until they're 40s? Well, that's not it. You don't like that part of figure skating? What is figure skating? What is the point of it? Like, who? Like, dancing and athleticism combined, like gymnastics.

Right, but we have that. It's called hockey. You've got to score goals. Here's the thing. A guy invented ice skates, right? And that was pretty cool. It was like, oh man, you can go like really fast in the ice with these blades and you go, that's pretty cool.

And at first it was probably, I assume, you know, for a utility. It was like, oh, you know, we got to drive the herds across the plain and, you know, there's this frozen tundra. This will be a way for us to get across the lake. And then as things evolve, you know, you go, well, maybe there would be a way to employ this in a other entertaining leisure activity. It could be fun to just skate around or maybe it could be a sport. We could, again, we could have hockey, we could have two goals on either side. Well, maybe we could do dancing with it, too

Right and that's where what goes wrong is it's like well, yeah I mean if you want to go dance on skates fine Yeah, but then you're like and then we could like score it with points Uh-huh, and we could like set it to music and figure out who does the best dancing It's figure skating. That's what you're describing Like set it to music and figure out who does the best dancing. It's figure skating. That's what you're describing.

Yeah, exactly. And that's the problem. Figure skating. Do you like anything? Like what do you like? Yeah, I like things that make sense. Okay. You like card games.

Okay, we were talking. What if they did a dancing card game where chicks were dancing around and playing Hearthstone? I'm saying like, okay, with hockey or with a sport. Okay, we're talking about like, you know with hockey or with a sport with okay we're talking about like you know this is theoretically a sport it's the sport of figure skating okay they graded at the Olympics or whatever but it's always the best it's the best Olympic stuff is coming out of the figure skating stuff what are you talking about Tonya Harding hitting no that's the only one that's the only time figure skating was interesting was when it turned into an actual

interesting contact sport of beating the shit out of people So they can't dance now if that was part of figure skating like there's a guy with a club Trying to stop you from dancing during your routine You got to keep fending him off for like one guy with like a sniper rifle has to keep pelting him like okay Now we got a sport. That's that's a good point. Yeah I only like it when it became a contact sport. When it became a full contact sport, when it became hockey, everybody was into it.

But then it went back to people in little dresses seeing how many times they could spin around. Because I don't really know why they're scoring what they're scoring. That's what I'm talking about. It's all completely subjective. It's like, Why was that? How come that one was so much harder than that one and then I got it but I don't get it like I know that

If you try harder things you can get more points, right? That just seems like a game show Okay, but that's which is not what I don't get is they're like, oh but because she did four flips I'm like, so why isn't it the who does the most flips competition? That would be something Yeah, who does that the best? How come you can't see the points going up as they're doing it? Like, uh, does that make sense? Do they gotta be on beat?

Do they gotta pick a, like, is this the side? And then they gotta pick the right song. It's really half-assed when you think about it. It's completely arbitrary, it doesn't make any fuckin' sense and then I gotta read an article about, well the Russian judge really snubbed them. I'm like, who can't, it doesn't this matters the points are made up, and it's meaningless Yeah, I can go out there and go. I'm giving it a one why because she looks like a bitch

Because there's no standard of grading. It's kind of like grading fucking Pokemon cards when I think about it It's just all over the place Whatever the judges are thinking at the time Now I'm annoyed thinking about figure skating. Well, how many of them died? Like a lot, like 12, 14 or whatever. That's a good start. The only problem is a lot of them were young.

It's possible they could have grown out of it. You know, they could have. Who cares, they're still gonna watch it then and contribute to the machine. That's true. You know, you have to hope that some of them would have been like, what am I doing? And gone on to do something productive.

I'm gonna play lacrosse or something. Yeah! Like a real lesbian. But they were all little figure skating kids and I go, ah, I mean, you know, it's bad, but it could have been way worse. Did you see that I, Tonya movie? The Tonya Harding movie? No, where was that? It was pretty, I saw it on an airplane. I don't know ironically There's a great there's great movie. It's really funny that I think Jamie Presley is her name, okay

really great movie until like at the Almost the end yeah when her when her humiliation is like at its peak, she goes, everyone continued abusing me like I'd been abused my whole life. And she looks at the camera and she goes- Is this Tonya Harding saying this? Yeah, she goes, and well, it's J.B. Presley. And she goes, and you did it too. Like looking right at the camera.

It's like, yeah, fuck you. You attacked. How is this my fault? Is that the lady, wait, the lady who hit her or the lady who got hit is saying this? The lady who hit her. She's saying, you did this to me like making fun of her but

Why didn't hit her her idiot? Husbands her husband's idiot friend did but didn't she wasn't she in on it or no not really oh So like just randomly a guy was like I'll just beat the shit out of here. He was a nut job Yeah, you know really well now I know was like I'll just beat the shit out of this other lady. There, he was a nut job. You know? Real idiot. Well now I know. Now you know. Then why'd she get disqualified?

Because she knew a guy who beat up the other lady? I don't know man. I gotta watch that movie again. See this is the only interesting part of the whole thing. And can you think of any other figure skating stories? No. Uh, that one where that dangerous move where that lady chopped the guy's head off or something And they banned the move the Lotus move

I don't think they're gonna go there and go I think that's a I think that the one where the Chinese girl just had spinning like a top Yeah, and all these guys are running it. No, you can't do the top I think so and then it was two men could do it I remember and then it'll always be like, with the Olympics are going on, there'll be like some news articles, like you have to watch the incredible performance from Chung Chung Kao and Tom.

Now this is just Chinese. Whatever, that's all, well, because the Chinese, again, yeah, it's first of all a sport that is made for tiny Chinese women because they weigh 10 pounds, so spinning them around really fast doesn't, what is that? Are you just jealous? That's not a sport?

Because if you tried it, the ice would all crack no I don't want to spin around on ice I bet you and there's no part of I bet in your heart of hearts that you've fan that you dream of spinning around gracefully I do I would rather just slide on the ice fuck the skates like a penguin yeah that's fun on my tummy how come they don't have that for fat guys like a figure? I think you know what they have all these cool ice things and that should be one and said for some reason there's all this importance paid to oh you gotta watch the figure skating like it's so then they report on it it should be a fringe

sport nobody cares about. What do you think happened with that helicopter? You think is remote controlled? You think the Saudis did it? I think Tanya Harding did it she wanted to take out the competition I got a young time. Yeah, I came out and said I did it Turns out Tonya Harding just hates figure skaters. Yeah, I'll take them all down secretly killing me the only one several decades If I can't win no one can what about Brian boy Tano? Guys, I was gonna say I don't only know about him what about Brian boy tono I? Was gonna say I don't only know about him because the South Park yeah, but so yeah, I mean, but that's awesome

Yeah, exactly Well again that was the one time that I was like I maybe this figure skating stuff is cool And I tried watching how come ice hockey guys never like figure skate for cancer or something. Yeah, it would be yeah What about the fucking ice capades no way you're gonna sit here and shit on the ice capades dude. I still have the ice capades They still they still have Disney. Yes, they still have the ice capades about Disney on ice fucking ice capades What are the ice capades guys float flying around on the ice doing dances and having a little play and stuff That's like a it's like theater, but it's on the ice. It's very sophisticated. This is the gayest thing you've ever tried to pitch to me.

Have you ever gone? No, I guess not. Oh, I saw Peter Pan on ice when I was like six years old. No, I went to Disney on ice when I was a kid. It was called Disney on ice, though. It wasn't called the ice capades. Ice capades the same thing. I remember.

You're not going to sit here and shit on the ice capades and Disney on ice, Trailer Park Boys on ice. Trailer park boys on ice would be pretty good would be it makes sense. They're Canadian All right, I'll say this figure skating basically That's not okay, but that's figure skating without the score the arbitrary scoring That shit doesn't matter if you want to do a stage play. I don't care what you're wearing You can fucking do it on fire on ice Whatever yeah, okay. That's a play. Yeah, okay. I'm talking about all of a sudden. Oh, well. It's like you know I don't know there's like music it would be okay

You know what figure skating would be cool if it was like a play they should stop in the middle They should have to do like all performance with lines and stuff Yeah, that would be cool. I would watch that it was like little like competing musicals now I'm into it. Yeah Instead it's just like hey remember this song What if a guy and a lady were spinning around on ice while that song was playing look it's entertaining I don't know what you want. It's not entertaining. It's not wow look at that that bitch really good You can really get slung around like that the best parts of it could be reduced down to something else like doing cool tricks on ice

Okay, that's like I said, it'll do the X games or so. I hate no fuck the X. I want to see a guy do a big flip I just can't watch something. That's like so like linked together with like monster energy drink Wow, you know welcome to a capitalism, Monster is a part of our lives. We must accept the Monster. Well, I don't think it's really a good problem that you brought in. Okay, well my problem is figure skating. Figure skating. It's stupid.

I give that problem a 5.1. Rest in peace, I'm just saying, those kids were wasting their lives to begin with. So, it's not like a promising life was cut short. I'm just saying those kids were wasting their lives to begin with so It's not like a promising life was cut short. It was a right waste already kind of late abortion It was uh, it's what's that word what it's like. You're focused on yourself, you know Veto no, well, yeah Narcissism so yeah, it was kind of a narcissistic like look at me look at me Look at how I look at how pretty I am.

Look at how I can spin. I think he's jealous. I don't think I'm jealous. Okay. It doesn't give back to the greater good, you know? That's how I imagine you working on your comic. I'm giving back to the greater good. Like correcting the colors.

I gotta give back to the greater good. I gotta give back to the greater good. Like correcting the colors. I gotta get back to the greater good. I gotta get back to the greater good. I gotta get back to the greater good. It's very important. That's my problem. Can I get a UFO sound effect to make it official? My problem is women thinking they're hotter than they are. Let me just bring up this. See, I don't know if I agree with the title of your problem.

What do you think it is? Well, it's not that they think they're even Ha I don't know what to say. You know what maybe you're right. This is This one made the rounds This woman. What's her name? Women not women not Alexa. Okay, here's the problem women not understanding what average is um Okay, this is what happened. Yeah Here's the problem. Women not understanding what average is. Okay, this is what happened. Yeah. What the hell? Come on. This is a woman

who looks like that. This is a, she looks like a, I don't know, she looks like a second grade teacher. I don't know how to, she's got thick, she's thick everywhere, but not enough like she looks like a sausage person You know like every every it looks on it her body was painted all with the same thickness of a Thing here. She's got little sausage fingers there. Yeah, look at her everyone can see it. I just don't want to cover us up there Okay, well I'd say it's a normal looking lady. She's not right right right hideous. She's not hugely fat You know yeah now. This is what she said to Beardson Beardsley over here You need to you can't you need to be fucking serious He said last time I checked women are supposed to be pretty they're doing some stupid online You know they're having an internet spat like Eric July has you're supposed to be pretty to this lady

And she says who is fighting with him about you need to be fucking serious Lmao I'm way out of your league and here's the thing They look like they're fraternal twins. Yeah that and that Cellularly mitosis earlier today. It looks like Beardson put a wig on and is in fact both of these people. Or she put a beard wig on her chin and she is in fact him.

They look identical. Certainly their looks matched. They're definitely on the same exact league. And I mean, if the league was scored like logarithmically, they would still be probably the exact same number computerly speaking. I mean if you told me that these people were in a loving relationship I'd say yeah they look they look exactly like they fit together. I would say not one of them lucked out in any way. Not even slightly. Yeah no one's conning either one they look perfectly

matched. Just so you guys know this is is a tweet that for some reason got like 500,000 likes. And it's like, oh my God, she totally blew him out. He looks so goofy and dumb. They're all saying what I'm saying. There's 61 million views on this because everybody's saying, girl, what the hell are you talking about? You guys look- Oh, really? It's like a mix? Yeah, there's nobody are you talking about? You guys look- Oh really? It's like a mix?

Uh, yeah, there's- Or it's like all that? A mix? There's nobody saying you blew him out. To be fair, you guys look- Ah, goddammit! Closely. All of them. Everybody in the world has seen this phenomenon. You're so gorgeous. That guy's weird and gross. Lul. And I don't know- I have theories on what drives it.

But I know that it's annoying. I know that. Is that as soon as women cross the, there's some tipping point that women will cross, where if they're attractive, they'll start asserting annoyingly that they're ugly. And if they're the other way, they will annoyingly start asserting

that they're good looking. You know what I'm saying? No, I know what I'm saying No, I know and this in this case. We have you need to be fucking serious. I'm way out of your league It's the what do you call it isn't it imposter sent your cognitive? This is a thing where dumb people think they're smart and smart people think they're done in Kruger Yeah, it's like it's like the Dunning-Kruger effect for appearance. For women. Yeah, for women.

Yeah. Where ugly women are like, oh my god, I look fabulous. And kind of attractive women are like, I'm so gross. And the fatter they are, the uglier they are. Here's what this woman actually looks like. I went digging around for her. I mean, because like 80s girls go, oh my god, I'm so fat. I'm like, I've seen way fatter chicks than you.

It's pregnant. You're not even fat at all. Uh. This is bullshit. This is what, this is what way out of, this is not out of anyone's league. Yeah. It's a normal looking lady. She could lose a little weight, I guess.

Dumpy. Eh, yeah. Not dumpy. There's a, there's a league of baseball that she's squarely in I'll say that I can't say the name of the League of Baseball I would say she's a I mean for me That's like a nine for like an average guy like a six point five. Maybe I don't know what you mean by that I'm saying what would you rate her at out of 10 zero that's a zero. Yeah Got a little arm fat. It's too much a little arm. I gotta get toned look a little arm fat

I had a big ol she got a big ol arm. She's bigger biceps than me. That's a big That's a big beefy fat arm. It's a behemoth here Mom a pajama look at this. I'm just saying like all over tinder for the young men out there you got to be you got to be six foot whatever right you got to have a You got to have a closet full of Rolos if you want to date me a closet full of Rolos I think that if women I think they do this as a mating strategy that they act as as

that they act as bitchy as possible, like they're hot shit, in the hopes of hitting the lottery of finding the one sicko that this message resonates with. Like men will say, we'll try to broadcast to all the women. Like, alright, here's my message, maybe one, you know. I think you guys are all pretty much like this, but these guys are, the women like this are going for they're going for like fetish stuff The one weird guy who's like oh, yeah, you are I love it when chicks act like they're way hotter than they are I think that We've reached this point with women where Well, we're in an interesting point society where famously women's only power traditionally was their sex

You know because we didn't let them do anything else. And then we started letting them do stuff. Yeah, big mistake. Yeah, but they're still trying to have this like, look at my, I'm so empowered because of my body and my sex or whatever. And I'm like, you don't get both of those. They do.

It's either you're a strong independent career woman or you can't even have me. But they're not. Yeah, well that's the thing is they're kind of neither. Like now they want both of those things. It's like well you're neither a strong independent career woman nor are you so attractive that you get to play the pussy denied card. But they can get both.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I find so annoying about it. We are giving them a lot. Because by thinking they're hot shit and by saying it over and over again, making fun of it doesn't bother them. Well, let's be clear. I mean, do we know what this woman's job is? Emails.

That's what I'm saying is like, because she has that, she has this job that we gave her that makes you feel like empowered or like she's doing something She has all this undeserved confidence of like... Because of her job? Yeah I think they come out like this No, I think back when they were like housewife slaves There was a little less of this like you know it was like a little bit like catty like oh

Oh, you're flirting with me or whatever, but at the end of the day, they're like, I gotta lock one of these down or I'm doomed. But now they're like, oh, well, if it doesn't work out with men, I can just go back to my emails. So they can afford to be like completely, retardedly choosy until they get to, you know, fucking menopause age and then they go, oh, fuck. Is it? my emails are not

Sating me I shouldn't have been such a catty bitch, but it works what I'm saying is This it must work like the guys that are that are like hounding women Relentlessly you know it's annoying it, but it works. I know that it were the men for the men you know like who act like big shots, and they're not. This alternative strategy of insulting that a guy you are clearly on the same level with and probably attracted to, like this method of flirting. Yeah. It must, it must work. I don't know, but it must work. I guess that's the other problem is the default female because women can't pant, we know this, they don't have any insults that would really cut

to your core, so they always have to. They don't even know what's going on. You're right. It's like they can't instill your intelligence because they're clearly less intelligent than you. They can't like, you know, it always like comes down to like. I'm hot. I'm hot.

And you're not. My vagina. Yeah. You know, and like other stuff where they're like... You ever see those studies where it's like... Whenever women talk about like their turn-offs, it's always like totally normal stuff. Or again, it's like, oh, he's not tall enough. It's like, who gives a shit? Or it's like, oh, he's into video games.

It's like, have you ever played a video game? They're really fun. Why would that be a turn-off to you, you dumb bitch? They're really fun. Why would that be a turn off to you, you dumb bitch? I get that one. They have the list of the top things that women like hobbies that will turn a woman off. It was collecting figurines and stuff. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. That's a good list. I guess. Smart of them. Sure, but I mean that's what they've been... Women have been reduced down to a series of petty grievances. And at the end of the day, it's like the ultimate turn off should be

a guy who doesn't have a job. Like that's the number one thing. Did you see that the bell curve that women rate guys is the average is like a four and it falls off a cliff? Yeah, it's nuts. I don't know. And they all rate themselves like a eight or something. Do women not

Okay, so like obviously guys we appreciate the female form like when I see a naked female body. I'm like alright There's some who has and there's some whatever okay, but then like do women just not like men at all It's just like they need something else to go along with it. Yeah, they make it up in their heads All this stuff where like women are like pretending to be like, you know erotic and into you know Pornography or whatever else I'm like, I think you guys are joking. Well, what kind of I don't think you guys really do have orgasms I think you guys started making that up. I Think the female orgasm is a myth because if you guys were horned up you would look at that beauty guy and you'd be like yeah, I'd fuck him Well, but they won't are they they are they're denying themselves or something

Yeah, I guess it's gonna it's gonna get worse. The women are gonna get bigger Yeah, and they're only gonna get louder about how sexy they are You know, I don't know Trump's people are being shamed into I Mean Lizzo's losing the weight now. We'll see. She's not going to keep it off or her bones are going to fall out or something. Well, if the the ozzympic she's taking might cause her all her bones to fall out. Yeah.

It's going to be interesting to see. Loud obnoxious women talking about how hot shit they are. That's like. Are women happy? That's my question. Who cares? What do you mean happy? Well about? being hot What do they want? Just like a Robot

agrees with them all the time I guess I like cuz I'm like Okay, you're having these interactions with men and all your interactions are about like, I'm too hot for you, blah blah blah blah. They like that. Right. They want that to be tolerated. So, but do you never want to date any guy cause then you can tell every guy forever that you're too hot for them? No, they want that forever. They want the same guy and then just tell them how hot they are.

I'm telling you, they want that. That cheese got there, but they want it forever. Just to endlessly be a catty bitch who no man is good enough for. If you can't handle me, they want that for 20 years. Well, I just keep saying, like, all my buddies are getting divorced, or like their relationships are falling apart. And I keep going, I'm like, yeah, of course they are.

Cause I've met, you know, women in the modern age. And I'm like, it is fascinating to me that you have no idea what you want. Like I understand being a little confused about life and being like, I don't know where I'm going. I don't know where the point of all this is. But then you talk to women and you're like, well, what do you want?

And they're like, you know, whatever. Eh, buh, eh. And you're like, no, I don't know. It seems like you just want to be miserable. You just want someone to blame for you being miserable. Bingo. Yeah. That's what they want.

And you just move from man to man because you're just perpetually miserable and you can't figure out why. So every time you find a new boyfriend, it's exciting for you because now you have someone to blame for the reason you're miserable. Anytime I talk to a girl, it's always about, oh my God, it was like my birthday and my boyfriend didn't do this fucking thing or whatever.

And I'm like, oh yeah, why would he? Who cares? Yeah. I have, I don't know, man. do this fucking thing or whatever and I'm like, oh yeah, why would he? Who cares? Why would he do that? Who cares? I don't know, man. They're an enigma, some of these women. Really? Yeah. Just misery machines.

Yeah, basically. Just complaining. Yeah, crying about everything. God. All right. It's like, I don't know, I don't know, for some reason. You got one setting. Uh oh, there's a, this person made fun of me.

Oh yeah? Well you, your penis, my vagina, no, not gonna happen. But they do think they're hot, you know? They really do. They have, well, but the female, here's why the female confidence doesn't work, is I'm like, when I read that from you, and you're like, I know how hot I am, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, I think you're dead inside.

I think that that's the ultimate cope from these women. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't think they're that delusional. I think they secretly know they're miserable. I'm never going to have a child. I don't know what I want out of life. You sound like, you sound like, uh, incel.

You're putting way too much. A little bit. Nah, you're putting, you're like putting imaginary punishments on the future, on them, to cope with them not hurting now. No, it's not even punishments, I think it's punishments now. I think all these women are like, secretly miserable. You think they're just floating around and happy? I don't think they'll ever be happy.

I think it's all, well that's the thing. I think it's all well that's the thing I think it's all at cope when they're online and like ooh I'm a boss bitch I get it done or whatever I'm like yeah you go home and cry and eat the ice cream and watch the sad bit. Yeah well that's the thing none of them are boss bitches they're all fucking weepy cry babies yeah who are barely functioning holding on to life and-hmm and just desperate to find a new father Figure who they can blame for all their problems and then pump some kids out of them and ditch him like five ten years later Wow, they're crazy Well, that's my problem. It's a good problem thinking they're hotter than they are women thinking they're hotter than they are

I've never heard one say it and agree with them. That they're hotter than the guy they're comparing themselves to? Or just in general, you know? Like when they get on the tirade of how hot they are and how much money a guy's gotta... They can't even define... I mean there was a thing recently where like a girl went to like a... I don't know if it was like a coding thing or something. And she's like, oh my God, look what a guy did.

And he like left her a note. He's like, oh, that she wrote? Yeah. Well, did she write it probably? Yeah. It was like a note that was like, hey, you're pretty hot if you want to hang out, here's my number.

And she's like, can you believe a guy would do that? It's like, what, ask you out on a date? What do you want? To brag to more guys. You want to be hot and noticed and known as, ooh, I'm so hot, look at me. But if a guy approaches you with romantic interest, it's like, I can't believe you would do that.

Then why do you want to be hot? What is the point then? No, they want to brag about that to signal to more guys. But they're not bragging. That's how they're bragging. I guess, yeah, it's like fake bragging. Like the Me Too shit, that was all bragging about getting raped by famous guys. Because they're all like, oh yeah, you got raped. I got right by fucking the car Johnny

So what do you think about that? That's how desirable I am the hottest guy ever raped Mr. Huxnable liked me so much He made me sleepy. So take that to the bank. You gotta go alright, here's a problem I got is a I I just a problem I got is uh I It's the best way to put this I don't have good eyes My eyes kind of suck. I gotta wear these glasses, right? Yeah You don't wear any acting your color glasses or contacts or anything. Yeah, my eyes are fine So you have if you're out to do an eye exam? No, they're bull. I mean, yeah, I've had to but yeah

We're gonna read the line or whatever? J-E-W How is that? My problem is the eye exam. How is that? You're probably say eye exams? Well, how is that the best exam we have for the eye is the most important part of the human body Out of all the things. Okay okay if you lose your eyes you're basically nothing you're basically like we have we go like oh you can still listen to beautiful music it's like that doesn't matter feel around and stuff feel around anytime you see a blind guy you're like that's just a corpse making noise doesn't even count what do you do every there I look at stuff probably

most people do more than you I look at probably most I look at that! I look at that! Probably most blind people do more than you. I look at all... Oh my god. Probably most blind guys do more than you in life. Maybe we could play piano and it'll be an inspiring story. They do all kinds of stuff. They climb Kilimanjaro. Yeah, you know what they don't do? See Kilimanjaro. Which is what I do. Neither do you. I can see it on whenever I want.

They can absolutely describe it. I could go see it right now if I wanted to and they'll never get to see it. So that's a win for me. They also can't read killer. They also can't read super killer and they never will Look, the eyes are the most important part of the body. We all know it It's the what brings you closest to God is the ability to see do women with no eyes also think there's hot shit Possibly they might The eye Should be a thing that we have like incredible technology

For when there's a problem with your eye We should be able to scan it from a million different angles and get every facet and every angle and fix the eye Instead you go to a guy's room and he points at letters on a wall And he goes what letter is that? And he goes, that's how you test my eyes? The fucking thing that enables me to view God's green earth, the most important fucking, the fucking, this evolved, this photo sensitive spot

that evolved over billions of years. What do you want? I want a fucking 3D laser grid. I want to be strapped in by 10 robot fucking assistants that go, your eyes, we're gonna figure out what's wrong with your eyes. And they're gonna scan it and it's gonna go into a fucking database and they're gonna cross-check. What do you need it for? You just gotta get glasses. But you gotta figure out what glasses you need and the way they figure it out is they go, what letter is that? What looks better, this one or this one?

Which one looks better, that one or that one? You go, I don't know, they kind of look the same. And the guy doesn't go Listen, this is really important. You can't say they look kind of the same where I'm gonna stay here with you for the next 12 hours Until we figure out exactly what's wrong with your eye. I think they're Quick fucking thing or is it one or two one or two one or two? This should be a thing I should have weeks to figure out one or two, one or two. This should be a thing, I should have weeks to figure out one or two. Right. Okay, I should be able to just sit there and just go, this is my eyes we're talking about, man.

Yeah. He's like, which one, one or two, one or two, one or two, one or two. This just seems like it's working. No, I guess, I, cause then I get out of there and I get the glass description and I go, this doesn't feel right. This feels like I fucked up the test.

Feels like I should've, I said one, I should've said two. Yeah. And the guy's just like, he's just looking down This feels like I fucked up the test feels like I should have I said one I should have said two yeah And a guy's just like he's just looking down on our pay. It's my fucking eyes and It's just a guy at the Costco. Why did I get it at the Costco? And I'll allow with a all the Asian people at your Costco exactly He probably had it dialed in for the Asian eyeball. he didn't have it dialed in for the Western eyeball, and now I got fucking Asian glasses.

Okay? This should be a more precise- Why don't you work on a better test then? You're so smart. I'm not an eye guy. You wanna know what's funny? My grandfather was an optometrist. Now that I think about it. I should have just went to him. What did he say? He's dead now.

He said, uh, bah, I'm in a grave. No, I never asked him. I should have asked him. Hey, how come the eye test is such bullshit? If anything, I think because I knew my grandfather, I think he knew it was bullshit too. He made a lot of money as an optometrist. He made all good money doing that. You can't make a lot of money from it now though. Now all the glasses are... you used to make all your money from the glasses. But now you just get your glasses online. You get your prescription. You just sitting there doing tests. How come you can't do that test at home? That's what that's another good question. Look at the thing put the

I should be yeah here It's this one you should be able to send me an eye test to my house I could tell which ones bet one or two is better without a guy flipping a switch. Yeah, that's all he does Don't you know he does don't you want to scan the eye with like a scanner or like you know take some fucking liquid samples of it? They probably do that for rich people. Not for you. Well I want to know, I want a rich guy eye exam.

I want like a, I want perfect eyesight. I guess I gotta get the Lasik or something but I don't want Lasik. You don't have Lasik? Why don't you get laser eye surgery? I like glasses. You like glasses? Look at me, I look like a skeleton without these files. They have sunken in fucking eyes. But they're a pain in the ass aren't they?

A little bit. You'd prefer to have glasses? Look at my tiny little beady monster eyes. They make it look like I have giant cartoon eyes. It's fun. I look like a hideous- You have glasses because you think it looks better? Yeah! Look at this! I look like a hideous- look! I have these tiny little eyes- This looks like a normal guy! Set into my big fat face!

Your eyes- This is what I look like. The way your eyes look is the least of your problems. You look fine. I look like a lady is going to tell me, you're not good enough for me, but then I put these on and they go, wow, that's kind of sad. I look like a lady. I look like a lady. I look like a lady. I look like a lady. I look You look fine. I look like a lady is going to tell me,

you're not good enough for me, but then I put these on and they go, wow, that's kind of sophisticated. So you could wear fake glasses. Like just the frames. But then the lasik, I don't understand, okay, so there's a laser that can burn perfect eyesight into me? We have that technology,

but the technology for glasses is still a guy asking me to read a chart with letters on it? How is there only two options? There's a super futuristic laser that burns perfect eyesight into your head, or a guy with letters on the wall. That's the only two options. There's no middle ground of like slightly more technologically advanced. Why would you want them to do all the computer stuff and not burn lasers in your eyes? I don't know.

I just. Fixed it. Stunned. Maybe you're right. Maybe once the laser came along, we should all just say whatever. Cause the laser's expensive. You're too like,

how much could it be to see straight forever? You got a good point. Although I heard it's not forever. Don't you have to get it like corrected every couple decades? Every decade or so. I think you can manage that. I gotta go back and I'm like. 20 years.

Isn't it kind of weird? But then don't they cut open your eye? This is for Tony from Hack the Movies. Tony, they take a knife and they stab you in the eye. They do. To put a laser in it. And then you can't be like a jet pilot or something like that, I think.

You can't be a jet pilot if you get lasik. Yeah, because that flap never heals. Oh. Why don't you do it? I don't want to be a jet pilot. First, I'll get the hair. I'm getting the hair and the glasses aren't all fogging up all the time. Yeah, I should get the anti-fogging glasses.

That would be good. I need new glasses. Point is, I got to get an eye exam. So what's your problem? Eye Yeah, they suck because I'm gonna go in there and the guy on a bunch of computer shit happening That doesn't really matter. I want like a robot going like better there or better I would rather a robot do it because a robot. I don't have to have a guy like Come on, man. One or two. Come on, man. They're not they don't pressure you like that But there's like an't pressure you like that. But there's like an unspoken like, bro, you gotta pick one. I can't take, I should be able to go into a room with a robot.

Take your time. And take my time. I should get ten hours to go. Can I see one again? Because that's the other thing is you know, sometimes you go like, hey can you go back? Let's go back to the last one, the guy, you'll hear it, You'll hear the optometrist. He goes, ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Are you like a nightmare in there when you're getting your eyes checked? I go, can you do it? Can you show it again? Can you show me two again? Oh, I bet you are. And he goes, ah. Again.

Come on, man. One or two. I'm like, don't fucking pressure me. Are they just looking at ease and stuff? It's my eyes. If I told you I'm going to take one of your eyes out of your head you'd probably be pretty upset about it, right? So why would you not be similarly anxious about making sure you can see out of it correctly?

I remember it being kinda like high pressure. It's very high pressure. But can't you just go back and get new lenses? Yeah, they gotta go through the whole fuckin' thing again. I wanna- You gotta go to Costco, that's what happens. You gotta go to like a family, uh- It's all the same.

Optometrist or something. It's not all the same as Costco. The Costco guy probably gets- makes more in the family, optometrist. Makes more, yeah, but you need like that special touch. You need like neurotic optometrist. Well, there should be- there should be a database of, yeah, optometrists. I always wanted to see it for over and over again. I pay by the hour. I want an ad from an optometrist that goes, I like...

I like staying there all day. I like flipping between one and two. Love it. It's really fun for me. Sometimes I make you do it again just to make sure. I like doing the tests. There was a guy who said, I like doing the tests, it's fun for me. Take as much time as you want

Cuz I'm having a blast If every time I said can I see one again? He went yes, and he flipped it back That's the test I want The guy who's so into giving the fucking eye exam That he's like, oh, yeah, dude. I could do this all fucking day. You want to giving the fucking eye exam that he's like, oh yeah, dude I can do this all fucking day. You want to see the fucking letters again? Do it on this chair. Which way is the E facing? Oh, you didn't get it. You want to try it again? Yeah, he's got all sorts of fun chairs and shit. I see okay I'm just imagining getting the little note card in the mail, you know that you get from like the doctor

Yeah, give it a thumbs up. I love giving the test Come on by We pay our we pay you to take the eye exam. That's how much we like doing it I'll give you $20 to sit in my chair and look at your fucking eyes. It is kind of like I've only had to do it twice. Yeah, I was worried like oh Yeah, you might fuck it up in there eyes are fucked up. She picked the wrong fucking number Yeah, I thought that and I thought like that's probably fine. It's right close enough, but that's what I'm saying I don't even know if this is the right prescription. Oh, it's just close enough. It's easy. You see it's a close enough science

I can see but like I feel you're my other. Yeah, I can't tell enough science I can see but like I feel like it should be better. Which finger am I holding up? I can't tell. That doesn't make any sense. That's my problem is eye exams. It can be pretty stressful I guess. It's very stressful. Get Lasik. What if they make you do that while they're doing the laser? What? They make me do the read stuff. All right, this one's permanent. So make sure you pick. Yeah. All right, which laser one or two? I don't know man. I don't know. Well one of them will blind you permanently. So pick the right laser. How you doing in the relationship department?

Does this come up? What, the eye exam stuff come up? Does this choice anxiety come up on any other? I think it's why all my relationships end in a tragedy. Is that why Super Killers not out? Because of this exact? There's a lot of indecisiveness. The color is the red better here or here?

Which color is the red? There is a lot of the indecisiveness. The color is the red better here or here? Which color is the red? There is a lot of that. It is a problem I have. Is it? Oh yeah. Wow. The pogs. Maybe you should be going to a therapist and not an eye...

I had to print like 20 versions of the pogs to make sure the yellow was correct. And I think I got it. You nailed it. I think so. The pogs are... the pogs are the pogs are primo Yeah, maybe off by a couple degrees but The pog or the color the color like the warmth of the color. Yeah. Yeah the color warmth of a yellow stuck now It's hard. Is it more of a golden Do you want more of a golden rod or more of a kind of like a is it?

I should have brought him in. What color is this? Is this too yellow? That's too pale. Pale? Oh, okay. Well, not pale, but like this is a, this is more, it's almost tending towards green. Neon. Yeah.

Okay. Which is fine. My problem is- It'd be more of a golden. Is that it? That's my problem, yeah. My problem is credit goblins. Credit goblins.

Woke up today. That's the magic deck I was playing. I like goblins. Get that commander deck. I got a goblin deck I could loan ya. I woke up today and before I realized that I was alive, you know, in that few moments of like happiness that you have. Yeah. Before you remember who you are and what you've done.

Hahahaha! Remember who you are and what you've done I'm sorry. That's a really good line Brief moment of happiness before you realize who you are and what you've done What are you waking up on death row or your murder? It's just that's what waking up is like you just wake up and there's a couple of seconds where you don't have any memory Yeah of anything really Something will remind you like yeah dog will move and I'm like, oh, yeah. I got it. I have a whole life Okay, I'm trapped here Right in that moment. That's the most depressing summary of waking up. I've ever heard. That's great

That's what it is That's not you wake up all bright and fresh like a newborn. Oh my god. I can't believe I'm alive Yeah, and then you remember like what day? Makes it worse okay. I got like I got to do this today I look forward to not enough time. I don't have enough time to go back to sleep before the dog needs food Hi, I can't find my phone, I gotta move, I gotta pee, all this stuff. There's a lot of that.

I woke up and the first thing that I saw was this guy emailing, messaging me. Oh, exciting. He said, hey Dick, if you use a graphic I made, please credit me, thanks. And I thought, whoa. It's got a smiley face emoji and a praying hands emoji. Yeah, but you could, the tone is a little,

doesn't match the smiley face, does it? Please credit me if you use my graphics. If you use a grap, I don't like it because it's making the accusation already, you know? Right, it's saying you didn't do this thing. You did this and you didn't do this. I'd like you to do that. And I say, I don't know that I,

you haven't really, this message out of nowhere doesn't really prove that I did this Anyway, but my first thought is oh my god Hey dick big fan, but next time you fuck my mother if you could use a condom hold on one second second What happened? I really I get a lot of you know fan art right sent to you Yeah, and I I try to always retweet it and stuff and like point people where they are But sometimes it comes in like in a way. I don't have access to it, but I still want to get it out there You know yeah, I can say check this out. It'll be an email and I'm like fuck. I don't I can't link to your like Buzzer or whatever your red no puzzle whatever it is. I can't know how to link to your Instagram from just lambdar.tk

slash user slash Jim Jam. All right, man. I still want to get it out there. You know, I think that I do that. Did I rip off? I just did a bonus episode. Did I rip off somebody's content somehow? Don't want to do that.

And then I said, but what's this accusation, right? And I said, I don't know. Something's not right about this. I said, what? That's what he said. See there, right? What? What did you steal? And this is my, this is what I stole. Let me bring this up

So you see what I what I did what I didn't credit this guy for dick stealing valor stealing memes Where is it? Where is it? Fuck come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Dick stole a graphic Damn it. I thought I'd be right in the chat here. This guy linked you to it or no? Yeah, but my internet's all slow. I get a lot of people, yeah. Here it is.

Let's see. Okay, he linked it to me here. He stole a graphic. This is what necessitated the Hey if you use my graphic Why don't you give me a Credit me. Little credit here.

I worked hard on this stuff. Give me some credit. Give me some love. Yeah come on you missed your big shot. Here's what the graphic was. He made a little bar graph. Yeah, come on, you missed your big shot. You know, don't fuck me over. Let's take a look here. Here's what the graphic was. He made a little bar graph. This is a bar graph of Eric July's dwindling sales numbers for one, two.

Great War of Separation are doing very good. Great War of Separation, it's the separation of the fans from Eric July, I think. A lot going on over there. Not to get too sidetracked, maybe we'll talk about it. Is it about a divorce? Is that what the comic is about? Oh, no, I hope that's not what's happening.

Who's getting the kids in the Great Separation War? I hope that's not it. So you what, you saved this image and then you? I saw it somewhere and I clicked post and then made some comment about it. Yeah. And then I get, hey, it's a bar graph of one, two, three, four, five, six, seven bars.

It's data. Yeah, yeah, data. So it's numbers that were arranged into a infographic that a- Well, Excel, like, you know, here's the number and then here's the title, and then it's you click make a bar graph. Right.

And then you post it. Here's what guys don't seem to realize is like I Don't need to wake up to this But I need to go fuck yourself also put your head in the oven. Okay, you made a you made a bar graph What a fucking watermark on it if you want credit so much sure and also brain What do you get out of like somebody somebody knows that you made the bar graph. Hey everybody! Fucking Johnny Pencil Dick made this! Everybody!

Hold on, I've got something to say about this graph, but before I say it, God, you gotta follow, what is this guy's name? Indie Comic Jones. You gotta follow Indie Comic Jones for all your hot data needs. Holy fuck! Please, I don't want it to, I don't want the tireless data collection of these seven data points

of how many comic books Eric Jilai sold to get overlooked by my commentary, my one-off joke on it. It's really important that we pay attention to the guy putting seven numbers in an Excel spreadsheet and then pressing print graph or whatever because obviously he didn't it could have been it could have been just fucking anybody who made a bar graph it was definitely Indie Comic Jones. It's trademark Indie

Comic Jones. Well he should try he should, he should put his watermark on there, that would be good. He should put his watermark on his eyeball. So that everything he sees... He should blast a watermark through the back of his skull is what I'm hearing. Yeah, etch it on a 9mm bullet. And then affix it to your fucking visual cortex. This happens everywhere. Yeah. Every single- hey you gotta buy- hey you gotta buy Bitcoin.

Hey, it worked out well. How about a little- How about a little something? How about that Italian place I told you about? Like, what? You didn't- it's not yours. You didn't make the fucking- Yeah, but I told you about it. I don't wanna have- I don't wanna be told that I owe you something. Okay? About anything. Everybody does this. every every in every facet of life. There's some little credit goblin

Oh, yeah, well, you know, how about something? Well, so there's a lot of fake credit goblins like I saw recently Candice Owens was complaining where she's like I broke this story about the Blake Lively thing or whatever Yeah, and I just can already was, bitch, we broke that like three hours before you did. You have no idea what you're talking about. You know, and look. Credit Goblin.

Here's how you be a credit goblin. You go, ah, you got to kind of go, it doesn't really matter. Doesn't matter. It's like me with that stupid video of the fucking witch or whatever. I wish I'd put a watermark on that, because then everybody could have came to my channel. That would have been funny. yeah, but whatever I didn't it's not the end of the fucking world or you know Ian miles chiang steals posts from me all the fucking time. Yeah, and everyone goes. I got this off vetoes feed

I go I know you got off my feet. He even uses my fucking screenshots. I got that's funny. I'm influencing Elon Musk By shit posting on Twitter because he just follows Elon Musk. Yeah, have you ever imagined, hey, hey, Ian, why don't you go ahead and give me a, if I could just give you a little prey. I hope you'll notice the fake ass praying contrition emoji that I put here in the smiley face. You, we both agree that you fucked up. If you could just not fuck up in the future.

You just gotta play it correctly. Honestly, this guy should have messaged you and said, Hey, Dick, I saw your tweet. I'm glad my graphic was useful to you. No, I would have been pissed. I would have been pissed no matter what. You would have been pissed if he said- Don't ever talk to me within your mind that you think you're gonna correct something I did.

It's not correcting. He's saying, hey, I'm glad you were able to use it. If he was glad that I was using it, then by all means do it. But if in your mind you have any sort of treachery, don't do it, I'll tell. You might not even know yourself. You gotta go, hey, I'm glad you used it. You should follow me, I'm gonna have more stuff like that. You can use it as a networking opportunity.

Okay, maybe then, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Maybe then. It's a little transparent, but yeah. Hey, next time you use one of my graphics. Oh shit, a graphic? Graphics are hard. That takes a lot of work. I don't want to get these anybody's you know Yeah, what graphic was it? Well a little something well you could let's I mean you bar graph You could have retweeted him dick. I don't know why you didn't do that

Cuz I don't want well. I didn't know that I got it from him Yeah, but I don't want someone else's fucking commentary getting between the data and what I'm saying on it. Oh, so it's justified that you stole his bar graph. Yeah, I'll take anyone's fucking bar graph and use it. Hey, look at this information. I'm talking about this information. Hey, but I put that information in a graph. It's the fucking information that we're talking about, shit for brains! You didn't make a graphic! You didn't make anything! You put the data in

a column I'm talking about the data not you it's not if it was a more well designed bar graph I would maybe be more sympathetic even that like that graph with the liberals and conservatives that cloud that everyone's posting do you think the scientists are like uh excuse me, we put that data together and it was. No, it was a really fancy nice graphic because I make some nice graphics. I would get it if somebody was just. It's not creative.

It's just data. You're not creating anything to get credit for, you moron. It's got to be a little more. It's like when people, you know, because there will be guys who like repost people's like comics without their like, you know. That's totally different. That's totally different. It's a creative effort, you know, cause there will be guys who like repost people's like comics without their like, you know. That's totally different. That's totally different.

It's a creative effort. It takes work. It's not just numbers. Yeah. Numbers that were again fed into a spreadsheet. You had a pizza restaurant, right? Well, how about some for me? Yeah, it's a pizza restaurant.

They are all over the place. Did you post the menu of my restaurant without my, you know I put a lot of work into making that menu? Just the list of your prices, man. Let's see, yeah. Yeah, can you credit me for designing that menu, please? All right, I just wanted to put it on Yelp to, okay. Sure.

People... And then the day was worse for those? But here's what I'm gonna, you know what? The problem is that I would say me and, I don't know the best way to put this, but like, we get credit for a lot of things. There's some guys who probably don't get a lot of credit in their life, and they're like, you know,

this is their one- Yeah, they don't deserve it. This is their one time to be like, hey, I made this bar graph. You can't get, you're not deserving credit for a fucking bar graph. Yeah, but- You didn't make the numbers or- Well, that's the thing is like, if he'd come to you, if he said like, you know, hey, it would really, you know-

That's like a guy going like, hey- It means a lot to me that you're using my bar graph. Here's a list of people that climbed Mount Everest. Oh, wow. Hey, everybody, did you know the people who climbed Mount Everest? Hey, why don't I get any credit for that? Because you didn't climb Mount Everest. You put the list together. I made the list, though.

That's not a thing. It's not a thing to make a list of things that other people did. Yeah, and it's also publicly accessible data. It's not like you had to like meticulous... I don't know that you made it, actually. Yeah, I don't know where you got the data from. Who knows? I figured it... You found it on Reddit. I don't know. Honestly, you could probably go to ChadGPT and go,

Can you give me the list of the sales numbers for these books and make it into a bar graph? I bet I could do that, actually. The manners are just atrocious. I... The manners of these... ChadGPT could probably make that in about ten seconds. Well, I don't know. If you said, can you give me the sales numbers for the following comics and arrange it into a bar graph? Crock, maybe.

No, ChatGPT is pretty good at that stuff. But it's new. It's new data. ChatGPT doesn't have brand new data. Oh, it's always like out by a couple months? Yeah. Yeah, cause this was the great war of separation. Which is the new one. Well, you could say, can you add a column for, and then you could add a data point yourself.

But it could get all the other ones in there. Look, I just see an interesting graph. All right? I'm posting the graph. Could be AI. I don't need a lot. The guy who sent it to you might be AI. I wouldn't be surprised.

It's all fake. You run it through AI. Hey, should I send this? No, don't be surprised. It's all fake. You run it through AI. Hey should I be, hey should I send this? No don't send that. The AI manners app. Wow Gooding really did not sell huh? Because Mike Barron wrote it and Mike Barron sucks. That's why. Because he's an old, he's an old pervert. Hold on I don't know. He's an old, he's an old worthless pervert. So he always confusing to me about, because some of these guys are still like- Mike Barron sucks, look at his comic, it's sucked. I didn't read Gooding, I don't know, maybe it's good.

It's about a guy. It's about Mike Barron thinking he's like a young, gay, blonde boy. Is Bloodruth out or no? No, that's not out yet. I haven't read Gooding and I haven't read Horseman. Someone sent me Sorassi or whatever the name is of the Irish one. That's out is that in the magazine? I don't know they sent it to me. I haven't read it. What is going on credit him

Do I need to credit the guy that sends me pirated materials? I don't stop pirated. We've all paid for all this mine's pirated. Yeah, you can do whatever you want. I don't care I love I didn't do it my rip--Verse books. They're my favorite thing. All right, credit goblins. That's a good one. Cause they're everywhere, like at work. Oh yeah, I showed you how to do the, I'm the one that showed you how to do it.

That's your job, man. Your job is to show me how to do it. I mean, it is. I hate to say it, I might be a little bit of a credit. It's not, I'm not a credit goblin, but it does feel nice when you do something, you're like, Hey, you know, I did that. You know, like, you know, I don't know if you saw me posting recently or I was like, and this is like completely

stupid is a, there's a game called tales of graces that's getting an HD remaster or whatever that just came out. And I was like, I don't know if you guys know this, but I was the first guy to rip the opening music and put it on YouTube. So everybody, it's got like two million views. Classic, yeah, this is exactly what I'm talking about. So everybody who watched that video, they don't even know they're watching it off my PlayStation.

It's kind of cool to think about. So I ripped directly from my PlayStation. So I said, oh yeah, so I said what? And he says, I think someone sent you the graphic yesterday. This was the original. I said, oh, you want me to hunt down whoever made a random bar graph and tag them because you're too lazy or stupid

to put a watermark on it? Well, you fired back pretty hot. Don't fucking text me in the morning about it. And then he says, Text you? It's a Twitter DM. Don't ever put anything writing at me. And then he says, no, I thought you had downloaded the image after you saw the post.

I saw someone else using the image as well. Okay, so it's an epidemic of thievery. Moving forward, I will put a watermark. Your impending fatherhood is getting you on edge. Settle down, you'll be fine. What a fucking cocksucker. I hope he gets colon cancer this guy Winky face. I hope he goes to the eye doctor and he gets all the numbers wrong and they fuck up his eyes

Fucking coke bottle. He goes blind. Why are you bringing up my fucking kid? Cuz you're too dumb to watermark your worthless bar graph Hey, you know that bar graph you stole? Excuse me? Yeah. Yeah bar graph you posted. Yeah Well, I mean I made the bar graph you stole? Excuse me? Yeah. The bar graph you posted? Yeah. Well, I mean, I made the bar graph. Could you credit me for my bar graph? For fucking you, you weird fuck? What the fuck do I care?

Did he block you or did you block him? I blocked him. I said get fucked retard. Well, he didn't approach you. He's not time for that shit. He's gotta approach you and say, hey, I'm glad you found it useful. They're like, people are mentally deranged, you know? Yeah.

And they, and I bet they behave like this all the time in situations where nobody can say anything because you can't tell somebody where go fuck yourself, retard. Everybody on the internet, you want to be influencing things, but then when your influence goes, you know, unnoticed. Your bar graph? Well, that's the thing is like you got to put it in perspective and like the per-oper's perspective is to go hey I'm glad Dick was able to use my bar graph 100 likes, yes

I can't believe everyone doesn't know I made this bar graph if people don't know I made the bar graph What's gonna happen if people don't know you made the bar graph? Nothing! Your day's gonna be the exact same! Psychotic Do you think I'm gonna like see Indy... Well now I do have to say next time I see Indy Comic Jones tweet in we're gonna go Oh there's that guy who made that bar graph

Pull his hat through his head and punch him in the face Like you know like an old- His head through the hat? The head through the hat Like pull the hat down I don't know if he wears a hat but if he does Why would he be going by Indiana Jones if he's not wearing the fucking hat? I don't know

You know exactly what kind of guy this is You think he dresses like Indiana Jones all the time? Now you're coming up with stuff. Could just be an internet meme. What do you want to bet that he's got two pictures of himself in a hat? He probably owns an Indiana Jones hat. I'm not saying he wears it all the time. You're on edge.

I'm on edge. I'm not ready to make that leave. Alright, credit goblins. I'm on edge. I'm not ready to make that leave. Ha ha ha ha. All right, Credit Goblins, I'm sorry. If you have a Credit Goblin in your life, you know what I'm talking about. One thing I'll credit you for. I'm cheeky about my crediting. I'm like, I did do this thing,

but don't worry about it, it's not a big deal. You showed me, I think you should leave with Tim Robinson. You've never mentioned that. Which is, that's something a Credit Goblin would do constantly every time I watched it or bring it up, they'd say, yeah, I showed you that show. And you'd be like, why don't you shut the fuck up? It is in the back of my mind that I go,

but for me, I'm just happy where I'm just like, oh, I'm so glad that I showed this to Dick and he really likes it. Cause whenever you're like, oh dude, there's a new season. I'm like, I'm so glad I told him about the show cause now I have somebody to share it with. I'm not gonna go, well, you know, I watched it first. That's what it is. Like, I'm not gonna go. Well. You know I watched it first

That's what it is like. I'm not gonna be that guy Yeah, I was really insistent though. I was like dude. You would really like it, and I guess I was right all right What are our problems? I should take more credit for it. I really have to change your life. Don't be this guy Nobody be this guy Did Mort Krim die? I hope not. Why did I think of that? I don't think he died. No. They should do another season of Detroit or something. I've been watching that again.

Credit Goblins. Eye exams. Eye exams. Those ostentatious figure skaters. Which are what? Eye exams? How do you not do an eye exam? My eyes are fucked, okay, what's up?

Which one's better, that one, all right. No, man, see you have fine eyes, so you don't know. Figures, can you say that in a less gay way? Figure skat, like fine eyes? Yeah. Your eyes are so fine. They sparkle like diamonds. Women who think they're hotter than they are.

Women who think, man, I ordered a beer like an hour ago. What's happening here? That pregnancy. Did I text the right? It's got the help staff. Is it on, is she sleeping? Probably. Fuck.

When the housekeeper gets pregnant, all of a sudden. They're hotter than they are. That was the problem that was the problem Arnold had. Housekeeper got too hot. He knocked up the help and all of a sudden is you know he's not getting his laundry done the house is a mess he goes ah so you don't sleep with the help. Alright guys well don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show bonus problems at patreon.com slash biggest problem.

We might have to do the biggest problem and... I'm gonna use all that guy's graph. I'm gonna steal them all. We did card games, didn't we? Oh yeah. Okay, we should... Did we? I think we did.

We gotta do magic. I don't know, man. Magic's pretty... But we're both excited about it. No, we did do card games. Yeah, we actually already did that bonus episode. We forgot about it. We can do it again. Can't do it already did that bonus episode. We forgot about it. We can't do it again.

We should just play Magic and record it. That would be fun. That's not content. Yes it is! I don't want to do that kind of content. Why? Because it's entertaining and fun? It's not entertaining or fun. Playing Magic is fun. Watching two guys play Magic poorly is not fun.

First of all, I do not play poorly. I am an excellent magic player. I am not. So then how would it be good? You know magic. You could be good. I know the mechanics of the game. I'm not any good at it.

Well, you could get better. Why would I want to get better at magic? So we can play more magic. I know! So you can try to win the game. Yeah, Vito, the biggest problem in the universe right now is people seem to have forgotten why eggs are so fucking expensive. Oh, okay.

I've known this since the Biden administration and people are still being like, it's Trump's fault! He's been in office for like a week and a half! Say what it is. I don't think he has a fixie yet. Because the FDA needs major reform. Because for one chicken they find with the sniffles, they have to kill 10,000 of them!

Because they were in the area! Is that true? Oh, I mean... They do murder the shit out of them. They kill all the chickens? Yeah, if one cow gets mad cow they just kill the other other and fucking hurt, I'm pretty sure. Fuck your chickens! Oh, they're down the drain, you fucking assholes! Alright, I can't understand.

They really, they kill too many chickens, is that what he's saying? I think he's saying, you know, one chicken gets sick, so they kill all the chickens. Is that good? I mean, we murder the shit out of chickens. You ever see the way they, uh... I don't care about the murder, I mean, is that affecting egg prices? I don't know. Are we killing too many chickens?

Does the president affect gas prices? Yes. All right, so Trump's responsible for the egg prices. Correct. That motherfucker. He got in office and he immediately said I want eggs to be more expensive. Eggs are more expensive now? Yeah, you didn't hear that. You haven't seen the run on eggs? What are you talking about? Eggs are gone. You can't get eggs no more. Okay, this is all made up nonsense, okay. Fine, fine, there's a run on eggs. So about the left and the right and which side makes it easier for sex perverts to get off? Yeah.

Have you heard of this guy called Joe Biden? Oh yeah, right. Or maybe all of those rapists and murderers that get let out of prison that you get called racist for pointing that out. You didn't name a single one. That's from a different country. Who'd do with that, I wonder? Anyway, go fuck yourself, Vito.

What do you think about that? What I think about is everybody was trying to correct me and they're like, oh, oh, the left doesn't, uh, doesn't deal with sex perverts. What about Diddy? And I'm like, the guy who's getting dragged through the courts and he's got a million documentaries about how he's a sex pervert. Yeah, we take care of him. Well, he was doing it for 20 years. Yeah.

Everybody does it for a long time and then they get caught. That's not an acceptable response is, well, he, we got him eventually. That doesn't disprove the argument of there's a shitload of Predator sexual predators. I'm just saying that if P did he was like a MAGA guy Right now there would be way more like that's bullshit, but because he's like a liberal. It's like no of course he did it bar Kelly But because he's like a liberal, it's like, no, of course he did it. What about R. Kelly? He's, well, they're black. Oh, okay.

So no, no true, there's no true Democrat sex predator. They're either caught or black. Black, yeah. I mean, we understand in the black community, it's like, what are you going to do? Who's we? You black people? I'm just saying these 15 year olds are running around asking guys to pee on them and R. Kelly obliged.

These black girls love it. Biggest problem in the universe is the ice cream man. Drive through your neighborhood playing music, selling fucking sugar like a goddamn terrorist needs to be fucking stopped. Selling sugar like a terrorist terrorist needs to be fucking stopped selling sugar like a terrorist? what the fuck does that mean? are you an ice cream man?

why do you have the sound there the whole time? he didn't even make a fucking point what do you not like about the ice cream man? he drives through your neighborhood selling sugar like a terrorist everybody likes ice cream man what terrorist sells sugar? that comparison doesn't make any sense idiot If you said like thought the the fucking noise he makes Everyone loves the noise they were telling you about the tamale lady who used to go through my neighborhood

No, so I used to wake up to this hideous Screeching and for like a year when I was living in South Central and for a year I thought it was like a lady doing like some sort of religious chanting in her yard or something. Yeah. Because I would just I would wake up and I would just say I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, was. And one day I finally- I catch her and I look outside, and it's a lady pushing a cart and she's going, Tamales! Tamales! Tamales! And I'm like, it's a tamale lady? You couldn't understand tamale?

No! Because it sounded like, A-da. Right. It was the Tamale lady. And I went, who the fuck needs a Tamale at 9 AM? What the fuck? Stop it. People who've been working since five. Yeah, I guess that's true. It's just the old lady pushing a fucking cart around. Okay.

That was worse than the ice cream guy. The ice cream guy, I like that little jingle. It's better than a fucking lady yelling. Hey. So I'm meeting Carl Jr. Jr. here later on the weekend. But I just thought of this. So my buddy's dad, he's a big time movie producer, produced some of the biggest blockbusters in Hollywood, Transformers and shit.

And you know what really upsets me? Here's the biggest problem in the universe. Ruckheimer? It's having to treat people grownups with kid gloves. Let me explain. So this guy, very hyper-powered, big money guy, when I express my opinions to him about movies and shit, I have to wear kid gloves around him because if he gets upset if I Contradict or challenge his opinions about movies Don't get me wrong, but God produces movies that don't mean he he gets shit about movies

He doesn't understand shit sometimes about movies. Okay, like he just produces them. So Okay, like he just produces them. So basically when I have to debate him on whether or not like the brutalist that just came out or You know wicked is shit or not and it was a good movie and blah blah blah He has these fucking Tyrades of like well, you don't understand what you're talking about I'm in the industry and so I I have to big-legged treat him with kid gloves Yeah, my opinion about my talking about movies Sounds useless have his way willy-nilly and it succeeds to any other realm like if there's a self-express

expert on any kind of field I don't know if treating them with kid gloves is the term. This is what happens with Eric. The comic sucks. The difference is this guy is actually talking to an expert. Eric is not an expert. He's not an expert on movies. It's very possible a producer knows something about movies. Making blockbusters? I don't know about that

You know which blockbusters make make that money. They're not all hits. They're not all hits That's true. He knows what he's doing. I watched the the lighthouse the other day You see that one the one with the William Defoe? Yeah, it's fucking dumb It's all right. It's not as good as the Vavitch. I'm a big Vavitch guy. What the fuck is that? The Witch, the spooky New England spooky movie. No. Anna Taylor Joy plays the girl. Yeah but she was like a... Chess girl. She was good in that one. I think it was Anna Taylor Joy. I forget who else is in it. No, that spooky lady from Game of Thrones is in it. I don't know any of these people.

You didn't watch the V-vitch? No, why would I watch that shit? It's uh... it's good. What happens? I don't want to spoil it. That's the best part. What happens at the end? Witch stuff.

It's like the Blair Witch? Not like the Blair Witch. What happens at the end? I'm not gonna tell you the end. I'm not gonna see it I don't give a shit Well, I don't have it for anyone else who cares fuck them It's a big spoiler what happens at the end of the movie. The witch is real. Maybe the witch is not real It's the guy the guy's actually the witch. That's it. You got it. Thank, I knew it. This is a good character. Guy who incorrectly guesses the end of movies and his friend tells him he's correct and

he just goes with it. I don't care, that's what it is. Fine. The guy's the witch, the guy's the witch, I knew it. Got it. Easy. Now I don't have to waste time seeing it. Kane the citizen right you're right. Yeah, he does He finds all the citizens

He takes over cool Knowledge of the movies based on the poster in the title so the guy becomes president who cares about any It's about a guy who becomes president. Who cares about any- He becomes a citizen. They're dumb. He cares about movies, they're dumb. I'm surprised you didn't- did you see The Lighthouse? That would be your movie.

Yes, I saw it. It's just two guys drinking in a lighthouse. I'm like, this is the ultimate- I don't need to watch that. I'm doing that. I know, well you can drink- It's too long. You can drink along with it.

It does get a little gay. I don't need three guys, I don't need two guys, I need one guy drinking in a lighthouse. If they had called it two guys drinking in a lighthouse, you would have got a lot more butts and z's. Drunk back lighthouse. Actually, that would be a good comedy. That would be a good comedy movie now. It's just the lighthouse, too. It's just two doofuses trapped in a lighthouse.

Two lighthouses shouting at each other. You want to keep it down over there? No jazz music. No blues music and chicken wings tonight. There should be a trend where you take serious movies and you make a goofy comedy sequel. It's called, yeah, it's called Scary Movie. Yeah, exactly, but it should be like, actually it should be The Lighthouse 2. Morehouses.

That's just meta shit. I would enjoy that. Why don't you make it? Who's this fucking mermaid chick? I don't know what's going on. Why don't you do that? That would be pretty good. What happened to your movie a day that you said you were gonna make?

Movie a day? You're gonna put voiceovers on a viral video every day. I made $20 on that first one. What's the fucking point? Did you really? Yeah, dude. Fucking uh... That's nothing. Twitter revenue's in the toilet apparently.

I made like $26 on 35 million views and I said I don't think there's any point in doing this or 3.5 million. Whatever. I Don't know No, I'm presence today. Don't please don't let me I had it sized perfectly. Well, I like it larger Alright guys, we'll get your super chats in don't forget vote on all the problems the biggest problem that show and check out my new hit comedy movie lighthouse to Would be a good tagline for Lighthouse 2? Bottoms up? All of, all of, come ashore?

I don't know. Come ashore. Well, because, you know, the ships are coming in. Oh. Rough seas ahead? Shipwrecked. Shipwrecked? Shipwrecked.

That was the, that was the Chipmunks movie, is that what it's called? Was that the third one? Second one was The Squeakwool. That's good. My dad had the worst taste in movies. Because any time I talk to him, he'd be like, you see any good movies lately? He goes, I saw this great independent comedy movie,

it's called The Squeakwool. I'm like, shut the fuck up, dude. It's a good movie, though. His favorite movie in the world was Undercover Brother. And I'm like, what the f- why? He's like, I don't up, dude. It's a good movie, though. His favorite movie in the world was Undercover Brother. And I'm like, what the f- why? He's like, I don't know, it's just funny. I think my dad's favorite movie is Poodie Tang. Is it?

Yeah. That's a good one. That was directed by Louis C.K., right? I don't know. I think it was. Cardinal for 10 says, today is veto day. We get to see veto live on the big screen. We love veto. And for another two, he says veto is evil We get to see veto live on the big screen. We love veto.

And for another two, he says veto is evil veto. That's V-E-T-O. Veto is evil, spelled with a E. LJ Clauberino for five, biggest problem is my dog's weaned getting stuck outside its sheath. Oh, I had to delicately slide it back in to avoid a $300 Fed pill. What?

Paraphamosis. What the fuck? The penis gets stuck outside the sheath. Did you Google that you could do that, or did you just do it? Did you use a Q-tip to get it back in there, guide it back in? Okay, well, that sounds like a rough day for you.

In the grand tradition of biggest problem doing your own veterinary care at home, I have to approve. Coup for two. How'd you get it back? How did you? You just flick it with your finger until it eventually. The penis? Yeah, it's like. Until it comes? It's like trying to get a, what do you get it back? How did you? You just flick it with your finger until it eventually The penis? Yeah it's like trying to get a

pencil lead back in an extendable pencil That's how it works? How do you know this? Well it's cause you know with a pencil lead you gotta hold on the eraser to get the thing in So you gotta put your finger in the dog's butt hole and then you push the penis back in

Just like a mechanical pencil. Cool for two, things are not killing yourselves. Synthetics you know for two, things are not killing yourselves. For another five, biggest problem are people who leave their life stories in the comments of DIY YouTube videos. There's a lot of weird stuff going on those comment sections man kicks mechanic for too far from my job the other day last Dono for a while bad luck. It's bad luck to stop Donos. He's bad bad luck kicks mechanic I hope you figure it out dribs for five looking forward to Valen swine's day Very good. It's very close diamond G for five Vito was employing people Paralysis to make super killer. This isn't a Walmart front door, bro. Get the boink boink get the fucking boink

Is that a quick sell for two says Vito you've been going to Planet Fitness for another two He says Planet Fitness dicks up your butt. I knew that was coming. I don't I knew that was coming Very good black crimson 5a veto. You have any favorite bands. Mine is simply red and then it's a TBF trick Brits man for five you guys are never gonna get me again. He says it my favorite has TBF ground Brits man five. Why do Swedish people eat so much of their food? Okay Why do they eat so much of their food from tubes? tubed beef You really gonna say tubed beef herring counts?

They even eat caviar from toes. They messed up Brits, man. Yeah, that's not herring. J-Rob detailing for five euros Hey dickin' Vito, just want to say thanks for the shout out from channel Made My Day guys J-Rob detailing Ireland. Check him out. Does he detail cars? Yeah, he details cars. In Ireland. But that's the channel's detailing cars? I, yeah, why would it not be? What else could it be? Well, you said it was. Oh my god, it's hardcore pornography! Yeah, look, he's detailing a land cruiser. Oh. On to Tucson. Okay.

Getting rid of some swirls. If you have a car in Ireland, I know a lot of our viewers are trying to get their cars detailed in Ireland. Hit up our boy, J Rob. LJ Clobberino for two. Dick, would you ever do drugs with the Vietster? What do you mean? Yeah.

We do. We do drugs with Vito. Like what, we do a trip? I've done, yeah, I've done drugs with Vito a lot. Yeah, we've done drugs in the same room Yeah, okay. Yes. Yeah, you're talking about would you do what am I 13? I think it would you ever think it means like would we drive out to the desert or something, you know and play magic Yeah, let's do that. No. Yeah, I don't want to play

Only do drugs and nothing else with you don't know? Doing other things at the same time. The Jerry and Coke What the hell kind of question is that? I don't know! The Jerry and Coke 15. Thanks for not killing yourself boys. Big $15. You got me through this week Deeks and Vits Thank you Jerry and Coke. You're welcome. Appreciate that. Bald Max for a Big Ten. Greetings, gentlemen Can we get a progress report from DeepStateDerek about how he feels about the current course of progress from our new great later? Love our show. Here's the thing that's going on with Donald Trump is

FBI For a little while was standing for the Bureau of F slurs bitches and idiots. Oh Man, if you could have said Guyver can say it like all day on his show? I really wanted to say it. We're getting very close to Deep State Derek being allowed to say the F-slur. Come on! I think I can't do it in that voice. Point is, we're bringing back professionalism to the space.

We're gonna get my big boy Baron Baron Trump in there. Why they erase all those words? Why they erase the words to like child porn. It might've been a map. I was asking deep state Derek. Well, here's the thing about the FBI is you got half the FBI. They're doing the hard work. They're finding the terrorists. They're making sure the gays keep it a little as gay. Okay, that's a new bureau we're working on. The other half is a bunch of pedophile deep state fucking guys digging the tunnels. You got FBI West doing all the fucking gay shit, FBI East. They're knocking down the tunnels.

It's an eternal war between the two branches. Okay. Third Coast. Third Coast. Yeah. So you got Trump underneath the Pentagon right now is building a bunker. Now, all these kids they kidnapped to do pedophile stuff with kids grow up. OK, they've been in these cages for a while.

They're feral. But that's fine because we can release them. We can train them as killers. Oh, OK. And from all that, they've been desensitized from all the sexual abuse and the blood harvesting that they're ready to fight for God Emperor Trump in The cyber wars, okay? You heard about this thing with China. I've heard about China Yeah, you're gonna hear cyber war you're gonna be hearing a lot about China pretty soon

And our feral pedophile soldiers are gonna take those bastards down. I need to get a beer. I don't know what happened in here. Do you say Derek knows what's going on? Well, get yourself a beer and Jared Koch for a huge 50 says yeah for Vito's booty but Dick wasn't in the room so it doesn't count. Mr. Poop Snorkel for two, not to be gay or anything, but I'm gay. Diamond G for two, it happens though. Here's 50 million in condoms. Cameron for five, please be mean to Hutchmore. It's a good note. FR824245, Vito, you really need to play this game on the Dreamcast emulator, The Adventures of Micho. And then he follows up for five saying meat show rezo. So I don't, was that an auto correct mistake?

Cardinal Carter for two, $2 Balder Holler. Straturgy for two, here's one on time show. Count yourself lucky chat. Vegetable Spy 94 for five, it's over guys. My work just hired a woman as an engineer. Yikes. Where do you work? Anywhere a woman engineer could be big not Russian productions with a huge hundred dollars on the board Says despite Border Patrol doing raids around Bakersfield. I'm still surrounded by Mexicans. Oh, you're in Bakersfield. I am one

I like Baker's really empty up there. You like Bakersfield. Yeah, why I? Guess I have no reason to like Bakersfield. It's horrible. Is it horrible? Yes. The only thing I know about Bakersfield is they used to have a good video game store I would hit up when I traveled through.

What was it called? I forget. Although I do remember one time, here's a big problem, is when there's a thing and you bring it up to the counter. Okay. It's got a price on it. I was buying a copy of Vice Project Doom for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and it was 20 bucks.

And the guy, instead of just ringing it up, he looked up how much it goes for online, which was like 40 bucks. And then he kept telling me what a great deal I was getting. Oh yeah. Over and over. He goes, ah, you're really getting a good deal out of me, huh? And I was getting. Oh yeah. Over and over. He goes, ah, you're really, you're really getting a good deal out of me, huh? And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I just, he was on the shelf and I would buy it.

He's like, ah. That's why those stores don't exist anymore. You get a pretty good deal. Well, at least you, I will say- It's just a nightmare to go in there and deal with them. They ever tell you about the one where, well, there's one on the way to, there's one in Barstow that like I took all this stuff with the registries like I got to change all these prices. What the fuck do you mean?

It's got a price on it. Sell it for that price. Like yeah, they went up. I'm like you fucking dickhole man. Just sell it to me. That's all right. I sharked to those guys over the years so many times. I got a sealed copy of Ozzie and Drix from them for $30.

Now sell it for that. Remember when, remember that, was it, was Will Smith in it? Osmosis Jones? Oh yeah, that was a great movie. I never saw it. Was it good? You never saw that?

No. That was a great movie. Who was Bill Murray? Was he the? The human. He was there, yeah. Oh, okay. He's on an experimental drug.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. White cop, black cop, experimental drug is David Hyde Pierce. And what's Dave was it Dave Chappelle? I thought it was Chris Rock. Streetwise antibody. Yeah. He's Osmosis Jones. Yeah. Well, they made it into a T they made it into a TV show briefly season or two and they made a Gameboy Advance game based on that which is very a terrible game but extremely rare Okay, and I have a sealed copy of Ozzy and Rick's for the Gameboy Advance Which I purchased from Gameworld and Barstow for Collecting video games folks. It's moronic. Anyway Bakersfield, well you'll have to come down for our big Magic Tournament. IMC for 10. Oh yeah when are we going to do that? Well now that the

fires are gone, anytime. The new set just came out and it looks like dog shit but people are buying it like crazy on that what not app. Should we do it in February? I would do it. Yeah. Should we do it at the end of February? Yeah we could do it. It doesn't take a lot to organize a Magic Tournament. I mean I don't know what amount of turnout you're thinking. I don't know what amount of turnout you're thinking. I don't know, 50 people? Yeah, we're thinking it'd be like 20, 25 bucks, like 15 of that pays for your packs. I don't know, yeah.

Well, we want there to be prize support, so whatever. We want there to be me support. We're not trying to get rich off a magic tournament. We're not getting rich, just a little something for the effort, that's what we're talking about Yeah, you're gonna get some because we sell them. They're buying the packs they get the packs You're basically selling magic product. That's not what I'm doing. We're buying we're having an event We're not selling magic product, but I'm saying as part of their entry fee We pay for the boxes and they buy the packs to play in the tournament

part of their entry fee we pay for the boxes and they buy the packs to play in the tournament Okay, mr. Money bag it's just a ticket price. That's it There's not selling and buying packs going on if it's draft there have to be packs That's part of the entry is yeah, get magic card get magic cards. That's what I'm talking about I'm not talking about we're selling at like a booth or something look. I don't know what you're talking about But 25 bucks is not enough. I don't know we gotta run the math Inflation has been going nuts. It's not in flight well there needs to be money So there's prizes there the money will go towards prize support, and then if you win you you know you win stuff I can't feed my baby with prizes. Well you figure out the fucking tournament structure, then I don't care

I don't tournament structure. It's just an amount of money look is it gonna be Swiss rounds capping to top eight with individual pods? It's draft. You pass it around. Okay, so a round robin, Swiss Chesterfield, Australian open rules. I've done this so many times, never a problem, but this time with you, it's suddenly a problem. I was ready to do it with the Marls. There does have to be yo-yos. One MC for 10 says, if you know my best friend,

he gave me a box full of damn PS1 games. Several unopened. A lot of CDs. That's awesome. And then he says for 10, CDs nuts! Oh! This is my new favorite trend in the super chats

is the follow-up super chats. This is a good one. Barry wears Barry for two him you are ending who's wet ready for fatuary that doesn't work. It's not pig related Flabby wary would have been better. It's got to be fat related. It's got to be flat related. It's got to be what pig related It has to be like something like oinktober swine Timber is there a type of That goes with February that's our Boreary would be good. There you go. Yeah, that's good. It can't just be oh it's time for a fat. Yeah member

Work We have standards here guys It doesn't work. We need to have standards here guys. We need to have some standards. We had a theme, we had a pig theme, and you're fucking it up. Zach F for 20, thanks for the show, much love Vito, dick, go blank yourself. Wow, a little bit of Vito love. Did you see that Dan, Destiny's friend, told you to go fuck yourself?

I did see that. But did you see why he said that? Cause of your behavior. No, he said cause I've rescheduled on them too many times. And now look what happened And now there's no show so who cares You saved it up trying to get more Now I didn't go on that second creep show so I look good

Now no one could ever go All those copies of Superkiller you could have sold Eh And now you've got nothing Eh I got other Lone opportunity He might he might still I don't think that show's coming back

But Dan's still in the Destiny camp I thought Dan had like left, but I guess not well. He's his friend Yeah, so that's good. Maybe they can still do a podcast Look, I think destiny I think the problem is that doesn't can't really apologize because then he opens himself up legally No, he could apologize. Yeah. Yeah. But he can't admit to like, I don't know, because the problem is he doesn't want, he's like they're trying to sue him for like revenge pornography. Yeah. Yeah. So he could, he could apologize but then anything he says in court would be like, well you apologize. You can still do it. Yeah. Yeah. You can still do it. Uh-huh. It might be good to do The apology you put out was not great, you know

They're getting everybody It's some worth apologizing There ever was a lot of stuff. I would I would Apologize I would think think. You know what? I probably should not have recorded you and us having sex without your permission or whatever the fuck it was. Crunch Knocks for Five,

Vito, you never answered my question last week. Would you like to come over and eat nuggies and beans at my dumb house? Sure, I'm coming over. Bobster for Five, listen to the Dick Show for the first time this week. I don't know why you want it to be on It's So Bad, Vito. Biggest problem, superior show by far. Whoa Wow

Thank you, Bobster. Why are you thanking him? He just dumped on your show show a Joe for five Hey dick, I think you picked up on this on the last show But you've you've noticed notice vetoes new cope instead of saying TBF. He now says let's be clear Democrats All say that they all they all started saying it with Obama and they never stopped saying it's so annoying. Let's be clear. Democrats all say that. They all started saying it with Obama and they never stopped saying it. It's so annoying. Let's be clear. Yeah. Every single one of them says it. When I was talking to Michelle. Well, let's be clear about what's going on here. Cougar Hughes for five. If the Trailer Park Boys podcast happens, you got to review Trinity's OnlyFans. Oh, what? Trinity? That was, whose girlfriend was that? Wasn't that Ricky's first girlfriend?

Yeah. Or am I completely misremembering? Was it his daughter? Is that Ricky's daughter? Maybe, Trinity? I can't remember. Yeah. No, the little girl was in the new show.

She's big. Oh no, this is the kind of stuff I wanna to get into on the Trailer Park Boys show. Yeah, you gotta see where people went. That would be a good thing. When Tony's here, we're gonna plan it. Vinny's gonna call into my show that Bob Stewart hates so much, and we're gonna plan it out. I want, uh...

No, you're not getting anything. What are you... You are, like, really, uh... aggressive about... Look, I'm not part of the Trailer Park Boys podcast. Don't worry about it. I don't want to be on the Trailer Park Boys podcast. I'm not like...

What do you want? I was just gonna make a suggestion about something I would find interesting. It would make the show more interesting for me to listen to. This is how you start worming your way in though. I don't wanna be a part of it. I don't wanna be a part of the Trailer Park Boys Parkes. Okay?

You're like, you're like petrified that I'm going to ask to be part of the. I'm not petrified. I know, but you're like aggressively like, no, you don't understand. You have to be. This is my thing. I got it. Me and Tony and Vinny. That's fine.

I'm not the hugest Trailer Park Boys guy. I haven't even watched the whole show. I watched like the first two seasons. You should watch it. But I was going to say say what would be interesting to me is, you know, where people went, you know? Like what are the actors up to now? They're doing Swear Net now.

Okay, well, I'm interested in that. You probably could get some of them on the show. Yeah, maybe. Okay, I will not bring up... I was like, I'm like trying to be enthusiastic because you seem excited about a thing. I'm like, well, you know what would be cool? No, no, no, you're not a part of this at all! You're not a part of this at all! Alright. Don't worry about it. Yeah. You could submit anonymously tips and requests if you have them.

I'm very happy that you have found something you're passionate about. Uh-huh. And Jesus Christ Wrestler town for five if you play slivers, you might as well just play shoots and ladders I agree off the whole gods for two vetoes of West counter spells rule bullshit Lawrence Devaney for two snake Are you okay snake? Gotta play that Metal Gear board game though. Now that is something I will be insistent on Come on Frank Lucas like a board game board games are funny like any board games. You're an idiot really we're gonna have a board game night I'm gonna show up. We're gonna have a board game night. No, what's the last board game you played?

Scrabble see you're only playing like these like traditional western games. You gotta play. Cause it's just rules. It's like two hours of rules and then one person knows how to play a lot and no one else does so. You ever play Ticket to Ride? That's a good starter board game. I didn't play that.

You wanna build some trains? You like trains? Oh I maybe have played that. You might have played it. We should play Puerto Rico. How would you feel about owning slaves? What race are they? Well, they're not, they're called colonists, but they're represented in the game by tiny

brown discs. They're brown? They're very brown. Pass. Why pass? It's Puerto Rico. It's nothing but trouble. It's not going to go well for me.

And then you have to, here's the deal is you have a plantation and you have to place the brown discs in the plantation to a heart. It's a game about owning slaves? Yeah, pretty much. It's kind of awesome. No, I don't like this game. They're called citizens though because you can move one of your colonists to like the mayor square if you want them to be the mayor square if you wanted to be the mayor, but mostly they're in the fields Yeah, but they could be any job who knows what is like this is a game. Yeah, Puerto Rico. It's great It's one of the classic you know can we play that no we're not playing uno What about? What's the game where you pull the the brick out Jenga? I'll play answer the pants should play answer the pants. The pants is a good game I don't play ants in the pants. You wanna play ants in the pants? Ants in the pants is a good game! Hahahaha!

Boing! Let's play Mr. Bucket. Let's play Mr. Bucket. I don't like Mr. Bucket. It makes too much noise. You got a kid showing up. You can get him a... What do you call it? A mousetrap. One of the classic games. Mousetrap sucks.

Have you ever actually played it? Once. Yeah. Sucks. It's not any fun playing it. I have a copy of Don't Wake Daddy. You wanna play that? Nah. I don't like that game. But like, what if Dad wakes up?

I was like the idea that there was a complete board game based around the fact that your father has to work and needs you to be quiet. Yeah, that's funny. And that was considered funny. He should have popped out of the bed with like holding a belt and being like shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! That would have made that game way more realistic.

Yeah. If it don't wake daddy when he pops up he just goes well shut the fuck up! I have to fucking work! What is wrong with you fucking people? That's a fun game that would have been way better don't wake daddy they're realistic yeah I swear to God I'm gonna kill both of you all right let's see Frank Lucas what about crocodile dentist crocodile you play pie face oh that's the one where you hit the

button real quick you just turn it you turn it. You have to roll a dice and then turn it that many cranks. Okay, I saw one where you have to hit the button and whoever hits it the fastest, the other guy gets hit with a pie. I don't know that one. We're gonna play Puerto Rico and I'll let you be double corn. That's my gift to you. Let's do any rules on these games. You can be the corn master. I'm going after Indigo. I'm a big Indigo guy. That's my gift to you. Let's do any rules on these games. You can be the corn master.

I'm going after Indigo. I'm a big Indigo guy. How come you don't go to like a board game night? You. I used to. What happened? Yeah, it was years ago, I was in Massachusetts. How come you don't go out here? Eh, I don't know, maybe I will.

I like board games. I used to love board games. What happened? I don't know, I just uh... Got on the wrong end of a Puerto Rico train. Well, you know, I had a local game store where I worked at and I, you know, it was a nice community.

Played with a bunch of weird old guys. Everyone got busted for child porn. I think one guy did. But we didn't like that guy. So what are you gonna do? It is funny, you know what's weird? porn. I think one guy did. But we didn't like that guy. So what are you gonna do? It is funny, you know what's weird is like a guy recently came to me and he's like, did you hear about what happened to this guy from our high school class or whatever?

You know, it was like one of these things. Yeah. And for some reason my first thought was I'm like, oh, busting for child porn, right? And he's like, no, he's trans now. And I'm like, oh, okay. That's the other one. Close. Yet. It's like just the- it's just the- He's like no, he's trans now and I'm like, oh, okay. That's the other one

Yet it's like just it's just the trans he's not busted for child born Tony came to me and and like also the fact it was a guy I would talk to in a million years I'm like, well, it's either that It's either child. He got busted for child born or he's dead or yeah, or he's trans. Those are like the three things Bad time to be to come out as trans right bad time to come out as trans Yeah, but and bo blacks came out not in the most graceful way Yeah, but if it was also bo blacks didn't commit bo blacks went for non-binary and I'm like just transit man. Come on Nah, cuz no one would believe him with trans They would go unlike all the other trans people who would believe wholeheartedly?

Yeah. Sure. Well yeah, if Bob Black said trans, we'd be like, okay, whatever. Yeah, I'd say you look- Non-binary, you're like, alright, I believe you. Non-binary is a way of saying I'm a little too lazy to do the whole thing, so. This excuses me for having a five o'clock shadow. That's your opinion.

I think that's Non-binary is the lazy man's trans. It's lazy they's trans and it's the I don't want to put in all the effort But sometimes definitely the lazy man's trans. Lesbian is the lazy woman's trans. There you go Let's see Chris Goffield five sliver dexter for fatso's. Oh fuck you. I'm gonna play plague sliver. You know plague sliver. Yeah Yeah, what is plague sliver? Fucking you don't know causes you poison damage from the grave It's almost At the minus one tokens at the beginning of your at the beginning of your upkeep this creature deals one damage to you

Like I said, so if you're playing what I said, I'm playing against the sliver deck I play plague sleeper. No all your slivers are damaging you can you believe it? I'll play out some other kind of sliver do whatever feels right about that Kristen Mildred for two says gay fuck you Eyeballs for five can't listen live setting congratulations Richard juniors future two says gay. Fuck you, Kristen. Eyeballs for five, can't listen live. Send in congratulations to Richard Junior's Future Community College Fund. Thank you, I need it.

Did we find out the gender of that kid? No, I'm gonna do a reveal. You gonna do a party? Should I do a, I should do a reveal on the show. You should do one of these stupid- I'm doing a gender reveal at my parents' house this week. Yeah? I should do one on the show too.

You should do a stunt. Like what? Like go into a Mexican neighborhood and like start helping ice round up. Round up a man or a woman. Yeah, exactly. And if it's a woman. No, you put a hood over the head

of the person they're rounding up. And then you're, no, it could just be a, but you're gonna paint his face either blue or pink Okay, and then when you rip off the hood you it's a girl up like a woman Okay, I hate to say it if you did some sort of gender reveal ice raid that would genuinely go viral So keep thinking about that genuinely go viral so keep thinking about that. That would be... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Cause that would piss off.

What could I do? Cause you know how people hate gender reveals. You gotta tie it into some Trump shit, you know? Could raid like a boys or girls school. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. There's something there. There's one illegal teacher at the school

that we're taking out. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Is it a man or is it a woman? Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez. And that's going to be the reveal. So Tergery for two. Chosenite is who Daniel fought in Karate Kid 2. Oh.

I don't get how it's Jewish then. Fagballs for two. Watch out, Dick. It's Dr. Porkenstein's monster. Fantastic. Jagar for two. Vito's a full figure skater. Chipper Chipper for two. Followed three headed greaser named Snake. That's what it was.

So T-Jay for two, Vito figures he can skate past, submitting a problem. Shit Lips for five, every sport should be more like hockey. Synthetic Shinobi for two, oh shit I forgot somebody put in Vito's booty. Yo Vito, is that a Dan to Dan shirt? No. Crunch knocks for two. I have a hemorrhoid on my mud onion ring. Wow.

Davey2dope for five. Do you have any plan for Sawantines Day? It's kind of a stretch. Geeks for two. Less like a penguin, more like a walrus. Boss Hogg for $2.79. I was thinking walrus on my side. And another $2.79 for a dollar.

Thank you. Absurd existence for $20. Huge dollars on the board. 279 and another 279 for a dollar. Thank you. Absurd existence for 20 huge dollars on the board. Hey Dick, my friend's a loser. No education, no assets, no side hustles, fat, et cetera. All he does is sit on Discord. He complains you won't take steps to change. What advice would you give to someone so fundamentally broken?

Look within yourself and see why you give a fuck at all about your friend wasting their life. Yeah. Uh, you shouldn't. Go work on your own stuff. You have a lot less time than you think. Don't waste it trying to help other people. That's good advice. Ugh.

Just stay positive, guys. Just stay positive. Arrrr! Make him walk a plank! Yeah, make him walk the plank. Make them walk a plank. Strategy for two dicks. She's not a behemoth, she's a poly myth. Oh, poly myth, I get it. Oh, for those of you who aren't aware yet, so the Great War of Separation is Eric July's new comic book about how Texas left America.

Maybe, you don't know that it's about that. Well, that's the Great War of Secession. Isn't that referred to in the... I guess, well, yeah, it's not clear in the Ripperverse is Texas its own thing. I mean, it is, but also it seems like you can just freely travel from state to state. Yeah, it doesn't matter, you know.

Yeah. You know, did you hear the lawyers that called into my show that said they heard the 911 call of Eric calling the cops? So it was Eric on the tape? They said yes they can't share the tape right they said I could FOIA it maybe get a hundred percent chance that Eric July called the police on Riley and maybe body cam of Eric meeting the body cam at the at the gas station. How long does the Freedom of Information Act

requests usually take? I wonder. I don't know. Well, that could be good stuff. Rex Sexton for two. Why do you have to meet them at a gas station? They said because he called, they said because maybe he went to that gas station

so he could call 911 in the correct jurisdiction Instead of at his house or something like that so he drove To the but you don't have to do that do you I get oh So because otherwise the cops from a different place otherwise you can look up the police station and call them Yeah, but he called 911 because he's dumb. Yeah, you also don't need to call 911. It's not an emergency right but Eric is you know an idiot. Oh, I'm okay, honey I'm gonna go drive to the gas station right on the right within that Plano County or whatever it is So they will connect me to the right police station. Well the other

Get some of those ryanosex pills while you're there Get some of those rhino sex pills while you're there, Eric! Eric, you got to get on out! Don't be messing with these white boys, Eric! How do we not have a Miss Rippa cut out mouth? That feels like it's overdue. Is that too much? Eric! Eric!

Don't be messing with these white boys like he is, Eric! Well the other confusing thing going on with the Ripperverse right now is Eric went on Twitter, and I don't know why he would even say this, but he said I Had a deal worked out with you know some comics slop shop chop shop read it be working on like 13 Comics for her yeah, yeah He's like they pulled the plug they pulled the plug on 13 projects, and I'm like yeah, cuz why? Well working with him sucks. he always blames the artist he blames he always throws all the artists under the bus for everything yeah his

fuck-ups why would any and they all get their reputations tarnished and lessened by working with him like the people that are working with him now are gonna get made fun of forever all of their Cliff Richards all this stuff sucks now everyone knows it sucks Mike Baron can't fucking write. Chuck Dixon is just a shill factory. Like these guys will forever be known as shitty versions of whatever they think they were because they work with air. It is a good point that you have guys like Chuck Dixon

who had, look, it's not like they were at the top of the world anymore. Now he's done for chucking dicks up my ass. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean it is like, you know, in your Twilight years, you want to go out and like have some personal projects that you really care about instead of like helping young people, helping young talent, which he could have done, but he's just slaving away like a mule writing shit. Well, it would all he would have saved a lot of face if he just gave the standard, like, well, you

know, I'm a gun for hire and I'm excited to work on my own projects. But instead he made these groveling, like, Eric July is like a visionary, whatever the fuck. It's like Athena, it's like a black Athena sprang out of Zeus's skull and came in my mouth. Was that what Mike Barron said? I can't remember who said that. One of those idiots.

I'm like, why are you saying that? Just say, a rich black guy paid me to make a comic book and everyone go. Yeah, I get it Yeah, get that money. Yeah, you've yes got that money. A lot of guys got that money Okay, you don't write a little for like a two-page forward that said in my dreams I dreamt like you're in the Civil War writing to your wife Dearest, Eric Jalai, it's been a fortnight since I've sniffed your shoulder hair. Here I am, my darling, at the Battle of Antioch, thinking about how much I love the police. When I think of your smooth black skin rubbing against mine, I think of all the adventures we could go on.

In those dreams I am your Yaira, and you caress my blonde hair with your thick eyes sound like hands There I Mike Baron as I am entered gently by the mighty Eric July. Yeah, it all came off a little gay very gay Way gay all the guys so all the people working at that like talent agency Whatever it was you're like, I don't know work with that with that asshole it's not worth it he calls everyone the n-word he hired some fucking other dumb bitch to start running a screen for him and antagonizing people why would I fucking want to work for a company that just hires an obnoxious black bitch to start fights with everyone why would that be fun for me it's yo you got to

check out our new spokeslady. Hey, hey everybody! I'm not here, but I'm more knowing! I mean, look, I've faced some of the same problems where, you know, when people work with me on this stuff, I go, listen, there's a lot of psychopaths who hate me. They're going to be like hypercritical of shit you've done. Like people have posted shit, remember when they posted the mountains from Superkiller and you had hundreds of people going, I think those are 3d those are 3d mountains and my artists like came to me He's like why is everyone saying that my mountains are 3d and I'm like everyone's saying that you're slow

I have to explain these but he's not slow. It's my fault. I'm holding it. It's still this is the problem though They suffer because of the decisions you guys make it's my fault. They suffer. They are suffering their fault It's not their fault. It's my fault. No, it's not fault they suffer they are suffering their fault it's not their fault it is not that's not how I play my artists it's 100% my fault everything every delay is up to me okay leave that fucking guy alone yeah that's what the Nazis said whatever didn't work for them either no it is my I am holding it up at this point so don't worry about it it's all on me I'm just telling you he's done he's gotten me everything I need and now it's just the coloring and the lettering, which is getting done.

All right? Point is, you know, I have to tell these people, like, oh, listen, there's a lot of psychopaths and weirdos. But thankfully. Yeah, but you bring it on them with your behavior. Right, absolutely. Yeah. But I also, here's what I don't do, is I am fighting with,

I make fun of Eric Jalai, right? Like, that's pretty much it. fighting with, I make fun of Eric Jilai, right? Like that's pretty much it. I go, I don't like Eric Jilai, I think he can't. No. In the comic world, what other comic guys am I shitting on? Shadiversity doesn't count. He's not a comic guy.

Fuck that guy. Yellow Flash. Yellow Flash is not a good, from what I've seen in that comic, that is not a comic guy. He's not making another one of these. So you mean like you don't insult like Superman or something? I'm saying, no, I'm saying that like Eric Jalai goes out and he goes well Here's the problem with all you lazy

Comic skate comic guys. Yeah. And then he riles up like all these guys against him because they're like Stop shitting on my fucking business now I do shit You know and then those because then all those guys who are in the same industry as okay if you're gonna I see what you're saying. Well, yeah, cuz he wants to work in comics, but then he's fighting with comic guys I'll say it's like a talented people don't matter. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, he's involving his artists in that discussion Okay, whereas with my guys I go listen. These are my guys I really like what they make and if you don't like the quality or you don't like the art style Okay, it's a matter It's I'm not gonna tell you my guys are really like what they make and if you don't like the quality or you don't like the Art style, okay, it's a matter

It's I'm not gonna tell you my guys are better or you're doing it wrong or whatever I'm just gonna say I like my guys art. I like the way we're doing it some people shut up Look man, I'm looking at the book and I'm very happy with it and that's all that matters not no It isn't that's all that matters being on time matters and being good matters the most. Being good is- I like it, it's not the thing that matters. Well, me liking it isn't being good. No.

I mean, it's good in my eyes. Being on time and being good is what matters. Time is a big problem with comics. I understand that. Not with comics. It is with everything, but especially with comics. Shut up! What are you making a? baby

Yeah, how long did that how long did that take? According to the according to the ultrasound it took about ten minutes Yeah, she got off birth control. Well there you go, which is surprising. I'm just saying you know Not everything happens overnight and The comic is late and not everything happens in, and the comic is late, and... Not everything happens in three years, either. It's not three years. I'm trying to figure out where I am on here.

Behemoth, polymyth, a woman swallows. If a woman swallows, she auto-upgrades 2.5 IQ points, rec sex, and Vito's droopy butt for five. Alexa is one bodacious bovine. She could probably fetch four and a half dollars a pound at the cattle auction. Who's that? Oh yeah, that lady. Kingin for five. Hey, I got my novel manuscript done. You think I'll get a literary agent before Vito releases Superkiller? Maybe. Jack Rockstar for five. Women want to feel loved and appreciated, but remember,

you need to add a bit of a non-important conflict, otherwise they get bored. Rex Sexton for ten. I know a married polyamorous chick who can slurp the varnish off a bed post. She wants to meet up but can't come up with an adequate lie to tell her husband. Like, you're not poly, you're cheating. I mean. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do? I really highly doubt saying, oh, well, we're Polly now. Just makes it so you're not having to, you hide shit in a normal relationship. The Polly relationships. Where are you going out tonight? I'm just going to a bar by myself. Oh, you're not meeting up with Terry?

No. Like you're hiding relationships with your male friends that she doesn't like in a normal relationship. That's true. There's a lot of secrecy, no matter what you do. Yeah. Hard fought Dingledorf for five. Big ups to Liquid Richard.

Big ups to our boy Nicholas G. Also disturbed is a shitty band. Geeks for two. Vito's mad about eye exams because words are hard derail gaming for five you know in a blind guy both can't see their D I believe he means my dick Straturgy for five time for an eye exam beats cover one eye and read these letters Chuck Dicks in my ass. Oh my god heart fart dingle door says oh god

I'm coming with a picture of penis. Aw, spurt, spurt, that was a good coom. Wrestler Town for five, I agree with Vito on the eye stuff. I took the test twice in two weeks. Different picks, they just keep sending you glasses until you get one, you don't return. Pigeon for 10, does Vito have ass-pergies? I think you meant ass-burgers.

Rex Sexer for two, you have 200 characters, you can't spell ass burgers. Asperges? Is it with a P? Does Vito have asperges? Do you have asperges? I have asperges. What is the characteristic of ass burgers?

Being retarded. Yeah, definitely that. Wearing hats. Definitely that, wearing hats is a big one. Wreck in 1911 for a thousand clip. Why did that guy say do you have asperges? I told that about I don't know an eye exam what veto needs is own zip code strategy for two

Seriously, what the fuck is an aspergest I agree You guys spell Asperger's correct Canada Swiss for five. Thank you Archangel for two veto steals comic book writers valor just I've been for ten veto Your eyes look sunken in because they're sandwiched between your fat bulging forehead and cheeks get boo-boo fat removal with the surgery Oh, yeah, like Anna Joy. Is that what she got you get the fat sucked out of your face? Yeah What do you think is my face too? My face is too fat Yeah, what do you think is my face too? My face is too fat Well see how it looks compared to the rest of you yeah, so it's it's in balance with the rest of my fat body

Yeah, I'm thin for two he but you'd never ask for credit for his graphs and data no shit of all the graphs I've ever posted this moron You gotta understand the graph guy. It's an unsung hero pineapple man for two shell your best He's gonna be a father soon. Let me go fuck yourself. You get real tired of that a that jab, huh? Oh one thing I didn't mention guys is Don't forget to get your hackamania tickets at hackamania.com. We'll be in Vegas main. It's gonna be there ninth That's what I was gonna say our good friend Nick. Reketa has gotten permission from the judge to travel to new

What do you to Las Vegas? So that he can destroy his sobriety. No, we gotta keep him sober. I think Says he already passed the got these hats. Oh my favorite guys. That's all funny podcast Show the bag. Tiny hats though. It's like a yarmulke hat. I don't know why these guys. Who cares about the bag? How do they have a branded bag? I don't have a branded bag.

Do you have a branded bag? We don't even have large, we don't even have black shirts. Cause you're lazy. This is a Yamaka sized hat that we're sent. A Yamaka size. It's tiny. It is a, it is a,

it's not a snapback. It's not a snapback hat. It's missing that shape to it. El Chippo hat. I like the shape. That we got from. Oh, it's got a nice clasp. It's got a nice metal clasp. That's All Funny podcast.

That's All Funny podcast. Thanks. People have figured out they don't have to pay for a plug if they just send us their merchandise. Look at how tiny this fucking hat is. I don't know. It's a, I don't know. I don't know what size a hat's supposed to be.

Of course you do, because all your hats are giant trucker hats. Well, yeah, because I have a giant head. So I look at every hat, and I think it's tiny. Yeah, this hat's not going to fit me at all. All right. We both have pretty big heads, actually. It's weird, because you see us next to each other,

and you think, oh, those are two guys with normal sized heads. But in reality, our heads are gigantic. OK, where are we at? Pineapple Man for two, shout out the bag of Schmitz, strumming that guitar. Stratergery for five, if you meet a horse man, you better believe you'll be sore assy. Jab City for two, did you more toys to hoard this week?

That's not a complete sentence. There might be one that you get. Reginald Von Vondersen for five, my favorite magic card is traumatized. Target player discards half their library rounded up Yes, I'm a middle player veto a hero There's a good new milk card in ether drift which you might be in my favorite card is the unassuming chair You had to hide it. It's from the it's from one of the unsets

Yeah, if you hide it and they attack then you can you have to hide it on their side or your side or something? I don't know. Yeah, I don't talk about the unsets. It's not real magic. Oh, God. It's just a goofy game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Stray Beans for $2.99 says, please call my clip, play my clip, calling Eric a gay hypocrite. Who said that? Stray Beans said that.

Can you be more specific, Stray Beans? Yeah, what do you mean clip? I don't know. Clip. Where did you send pink like peachy for 10 roller blades dick? I shattered my elbow six months ago roller skating I had a four-hour surgery to replace six screws for you I had to wear a brace for four months and my arm is still jacked This is a t-shirt. Yeah, welcome to the rest of your life. They can't arm surgeries always go bad I'm that legendary priest everyone's talking about.

Oh, very nice. Very good. And this is... Hey, it's a Kwanzaa card! Celebrating Kwanzaa. Wishing you all the gifts. Is it a KFC gift card? Found this card a while back.

I guess it's more fitting now. Go fuck yourself. Tell Sean to call me back and Vito to enjoy a buffet. For me. I haven't been to the buffet in a while for Mike What's a define a while like a month? What's what do you mean by a month a? month of 30 hours

from my From my KFC to yours happy Kwanzaa Christmas happy Kwanzaa New Year's are Kwanzaa Fried Chicken is what we call it in Massachusetts. It says, it's a card that says Daddy Masterson. It's some sort of a, a one piece, the card game. Yeah. There's actually a Vito one piece card as well that I ordered a bunch of and never got sent

for some reason. Kind of looks like you. Daddy Masterson. Yeah. You got a one piece character. Is that like Mr. Satan? That's the wrong thing, isn't it? That's Dragon Ball, Mr. Satan. Alright. Let's see here. Jackson Markatano for 10. Biggest problem is people passive aggressively addressing you as friend, buddy, or my guy before they hurl obnoxious criticism at you.

That's true. Righty tighty for 2. Thanks for the show. Matt R for five. Money, fed for 200 thub. I love you VEETS, but female orgasm isn't real. Go collect your incel card now. Come to Thailand, I'll set you up with a cute lady boy with a huge tuber, fertilizing your incel body. You'll love it.

You're in Thailand? Let's go. Whoa, I've never seen you so excited. That'd be fun. Jeff, say you're- Would you fuck a bunch of lady boys there? I watched a video of a guy, I just wanna hang out in the lady boy bars.

They seem fun. They're just all playing pool and doing karaoke. Jacking off. I don't know, man. I was like, yeah, I kinda- You just wanna be in a position where you could make a bunch of mistakes. I wanna be in a position where I could play pool

with a bunch of, I wanna see where I could be the lady boy at pool. Why don't you go? I don't travel. Maybe I will. You don't, you're not, you don't want to go play a pool with the ladyboys cause you don't travel? I think, uh, I think I'll be doing some traveling over the next year.

Once I get a couple of things off my plate, once we have super killer delivered to all our lovely backers, uh, I'll have a little bit of time to travel as we get started, uh, on some other things. Let's see, Jav for 5Vido, you're making videos now because you ran out of SK scam money. Maybe launch the SK fundraiser, SK2 fundraiser now before SK1 is even out. Oh wait, get that box right next to you. No, I started making videos again because I felt bad that there are people who pay for my Patreon and I haven't been making a lot of videos.

So you made that Destiny one? Because I felt bad that there are people who pay for my Patreon and I haven't been making a lot of videos. So you made that Destiny one? I'm just putting up little videos on my Veto2 channel as a thank you to everybody who supports me on Patreon. And trying to get back in the swing of making videos. I kind of stopped because I just didn't know what the hell to talk about. But I'm finding some topics. I talked about the Pokemon card scam. Oh. some topics. I talked about the Pokemon card scam. Oh, I just a lot of these guys, it's a lot easier for them because they go, Oh, I can just make videos about Bud

Light every single day. And I'm like, Oh, I kind of like want some interesting time. You know, sometimes I'll find a topic, but you know, that can sustain me for a while. Okay, here we go. This is a mug that says no matter how fast I go, I can't run from my problems. And it has a sonic edge. That's pretty nice, actually. It might've meant that to go on Vito's booty, but it's not a collectible.

So I can't put it in there. Yeah, it's not an official collectible. It's gotta be a collectible. It has to be an actual. Can't be some shit you made on Etsy. But I will take this. This is fun. I like this.

I always need more mugs. That's for you, what you got there? So no, I did not run, I don't make money on those stupid things. Are those Heelys? Oh my God! How come you get those? This is bullshit.

Thanks for all the laughs. Couldn't find the other lace, so I included a 1920s Saskatchewan spoon to make up for it. Noah, are those his old heelies or what? What size are they? What size are you? 13. These are not 13s you can tell right away. Let me see, let me see. No! I'm looking at them! I just opened them and you already wanted to- So you can look at one and let me look at one! No! I don't want to be thinking that something's gonna happen to one while I'm looking at one you're right I'm looking at that right. Oh, there's the spoon

I want to see one. I have a little sister. Let me see one. Let me see one. Oh look at this What is it? You want to see this? What is it? It's too much. You've looked at it too much. It's a hook. Wow I see this what is it too much you've looked at it too much a hook Wow? I just want to see it Let me see one you got two of them. I'm fucking feeling the weight of this one. That's retarded feel the weight of the one here Now I got your sword huh? fucking asshole here

you're an asshole i'm done elephant for two, cardinal is my one true love love you cardinal cameron for five since we're getting us in hell i'm not doing good you're such a fucking idiot so now you're getting a babble say it again You're so violent. I'm gonna mess them up. I'm not gonna messing up. Oh

My god, so these are these are these were used but not not too much I guess not too much like the the soul is like completely nice looking These are a size 11 though. these would not fit me at all You're a size 11. Yeah Yeah, if anyone wants to send in a size 13 pair of Heelys me and dick can race You're gonna put on Heelys? Hell yeah, dude. Do you have health insurance? Yeah, not good health insurance I'm not gonna- like Obamacare? Yeah, I'll health insurance I'm not gonna obamacare. Yeah, all right. I'm down there. Oh

Man, I want to see you riding around on these that's gonna be cool. Oh, man camera. We already said that oh Be more mean to my kids at school in these people want you to be more mean to hutch How's how it's doing Hutch. How's Hutch doing? Probably bad. Probably bad. Bad? I would assume. There's a power vacuum with Destiny in the revenge porn. Is he not rising to power? That J-Stick guy I think is coming up in the world. Cherry's friend? JSTLK. JSTLK? Yeah, change your name to something that I can pronounce. JSTLK. JSTLK? Yeah, change your name to something that I can pronounce. These feel great.

Destiny said it stands for Jew Stalker. He does call that guy Jew Stalker. Is he stalking Jews or is he a Jewish stalker? I don't think he's Jewish. Wait, no, maybe he is Jewish. What's interesting about the Destiny drama is there's so many different people and I can't keep track of any of them or who's on Whose side or whatever?

You're just running in the Heelys now and that's exciting feeling them out. Okay. Well you got a roll. It's pointless Annex for five, you know, I make two months grand a month at my shitty job What stocks do I buy to escape the rat race? Man, it's a bad time bus stocks. I would say So don't so short them. What are you gonna short? Nah. Don't do anything?

Don't do anything. Just sit there. Are you afraid? I'll say I'm hoping Soundhound comes back up. Uh oh, what happened? Just, it shot up so fast that it was like, it coming back down made sense. Yeah.

It went from seven to 22. Now it's back to 15, sense. Yeah, it went from 7 to 22 Now it's back to 15. So did you take profits? Uh some not too much though Don't take too many profits. I took some profits. Shut up. Actually, I actually did take too many profits It's actually a problem, but get JLP on Solana Pigeon for five by chain link honestly Really? Why? I think it's ready to pop. I think we're in a crypto. You like their roadmap? Chainlink?

Yeah, and I think we're in a crypto. What are you most excited about on their roadmap? I like when they're gonna swap it out for hexagons on the blockchain. I don't fucking know. None of this matters. If fart coin can go to a million. It does matter. I know, but it has utility and it's actually getting used. I don't know why Ethereum's not moving at all though.

Do you like Ethereum or not? Because it's getting fucking stomped on by Solana. I know. That's why. Time to get out of Ethereum maybe? It doesn't fucking work because they appointed a high school teacher who doesn't believe in competition to their Ethereum foundation and now they look fucking stupid there's a bunch of degenerates and

Indians are smoking them on Solana Solana seems to be killing it Pigeon for five idea man veto here's my thoughts veto always with the brainstorm hit always with the brainstorming hits higher Jav City for five you know I paid $99 to your patreon can we talk on phone about my divorce I'll give you my xbox 360 kiosk magic cards another junk that you'd like Are can you get that for it that seems like a good deal hundred bucks a hundred bucks a month or a hundred bucks a year Hundred bucks a hundred bucks a month. I'll talk to you about your divorce talking about my divorce Justin brought it to my can opener Board games are great. Yes to ticket and no to Puerto Rico

Puerto Rico's fun. I wanna play Domino's. That's a game. No, that's a drinking activity. No, where you play where you stack them up and then you knock one over and they all go shh. That's not a game. That's, okay.

Good. Pigeon for 10, I'm never beating the illiteracy allegations. Tiger Nico for five, biggest problem in Thailand bonus episode Oh, yeah, let's do it and fad for a hundred Thailand dollars is yes I'm in Thailand hit me up when you come also I got you with a TBF in the last jet with the tuber fertilizing tumor

Fertilizing it's gotta come on. It's got to be tubie I think it's gonna come up with a new TBF type thing. Here's what I'm concerned about. Yeah. I said TBF during the episode and not a single Super Chat mentioned it. When you guys not paying attention. You said on purpose? When we were going through that lady

who was arguing with Beardson, I was reading the responses to the thing. No, you can't do it now. You missed it. No. Suckers. No, you missed it. Someone pointed it out.

No, no one pointed it out. You pointed it out. That doesn't count. It does count. That does not count. You can't, an hour later, you don't get, reverse it. But why? You get it. Reverse it. But why? You said it.

Bro, it doesn't count unless you get it at the time. There. You have to hit it at the time. You can't gloat about it. Yes, I can. Of course I can. I don't know about that. Do you remember when you were reading it, and all of a sudden

I went, ah, fuck, damn it. And you didn't react because you were confused. And I went, oh, he didn't catch it. So I guess nobody at home did either. Or they don't have any money. Way to go, idiots. You win. All right, you want to play a dumb song or whatever?

Hey-ya! Thank you for the healing. Hey-ya! I got something that I liked this episode. And I'm pretty sure that you're going to like what I have in here for you, Vito. It's a funko pop oooooooooh

What's the game where we smash all the toys? I now know the sound of a funko pop Oh my man! New tweets about the boys! You put so many funko pops in there That the second you pick up the box now You know you want it! So get on the scaler and smash it to shit! He's trying to hold it so it doesn't roll around

VEETOES! That's a funko pop VEETOES POOTIE VEETOES POOTIE VEETOES He's trying to hold it so it doesn't roll around. Vito's booty. Vito's booty. Vito's booty. Vito's booty. What's it gonna be? I know the exact sound of a Funko Pop Box now. Do you know how weird that is? If it's not a Funko Pop, I will be sad because that sounds like a Funko Pop.

It could be something in a funko pop box It could be so you're admitting it is a funko pop. I don't know not necessarily I think we should smash what I believe is a funko pop Are you sure I'm pretty sure the last button press. I'm gonna say I hear a funko coming I'm gonna say I hear a Funko coming. What does it sound like? It sounds like a very empty box. It's got that it's got that plastic squeal to it Squeal? Yeah. What? I can hear the plastic window rubbing against That's it's very light it's a funk it's some cheap plastic trash. What's it gonna be? Smash it.

I'm gonna let you open it. Okay. So you can see what it is. It's a black man Funko Pop from It's Slugworth from the hit film Wonka. Collect all four. You know I didn't think today that maybe you could have all the black people Funko Pops

eventually. Okay. can I leave now now? Can you come up with a different way to smash these things it doesn't involve a giant horrific hammer? I don't know who cares You don't even point the camera at the thing nobody can even see what's going on look it's destroyed Look it's destroyed What a show who cares none of this matters this bit is dumb guys, thanks for coming by don't forget to Check out all the problems at biggest problem that show Jesus Christ You can check out our bonus episodes at patreon.com slash biggest problem

Hackamania tickets available at hackamania.com Use promo code biggest Yeah, you deserve that You deserve whatever the fuck that was What do you mean deserve what? Did you see that guy? He shot off into space Dude, you knocked him out of

How did you knock him through the package? It's a hammer And you knocked his legs off Wow, you really, you destroyed the shit out of Slugsworth It's a hammer and you knocked his legs off Wow, you really you destroyed the shit out of slugs worth slugs worth black in the wonka movie Dei man to Dei is a problem. I'm not gonna lie There's two black people in the wonka movie. He's a chocolate man. He's a chocolate man Guys hack a mania tickets promo code biggest Nick Reketa will be there meet the world famous Nick Reketa Dick Masterson Carl from WATV Vinny will be there next week Tony from hack the movies should be here

Oh, yeah, good. So we're doing the biggest problem is probably these biggest problem and back to the future Biggest problem in Friday the 13th. What is the biggest problem in Friday 13th that noise in the game? Oh Friday the 13th. What is the biggest problem in Friday the 13th? That noise in the game. Oh, yeah. The Jason alarm. Yeah, that was pretty spooky. That game sucks.

Yeah. I always wanted that game to be better than it is. The biggest problem is Friday the 13th is that the Jason actor doesn't like me. What, personally? Yeah. Why? Derek Mears, who played Jason in Friday the 13th.

We took a... The original one? No, in the reboot. Oh, who cares? He's a well-known guy. Fucking reboot. Rebooter. We... Who cares about the reboot guy?

We took a stand-up class together. And uh... Hahahaha! We were both... You took a stand-up class with Jason? I took a stand-up class with Jason. Is he funny? He's a... yeah, he's a good guy.

What was his jokes? I don't remember. It's been a long... So I'm the guy from Jason... So I'm Jason! What are you gonna do? You can imagine how that goes on a first date when I try to rape her! No, I don't think he actually...

I think it was like, you know, I was a young, obnoxious wannabe comic or whatever, you know, joking around in class. Now you're an old obnoxious wannabe. And he was an already industry professional. Oh, okay. He's like 6'5 and he has alopecia. He can't grow hair. So that's why he gets every monster movie role is because he shows up for makeup and they're just ready to go. They don't have to shave him. Why doesn't he like you? Again, I think I was just in the stand-up class and like, you know the thing about these

sluts and bitches is, I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Are you supposed to say that stuff? Yeah, I guess. I think I was just goofing around in class too much and I was getting drunk during class one time. What? It was my birthday so I showed up to class with a 40 and I was getting drunk. A 40?

Where was this and I was in 1992 no no no it's in Hollywood my buddy. I tried to get my buddy What do you call it Tom Clark? He's a stand-up comic. He taught the class. He's a good guy, but he works very clean So I'm always like you should come do my show. He's like. I don't think it's really a clean show What is he talking about? We're not a clean show. What does he mean? He's like a very clean comic. I was clean today. What do you mean? You were clean today? I was being clean the whole day. You were talking about I forget you were talking about. Just fat women that think they don't think they're too fat.

Yeah, you know talking about vaginas. I was not talking about vaginas. I don't remember what we were talking about. You were talking about vaginas. Anyway'd love to get Tom on the show sometime, but I don't think it's gonna happen Huh, how do you know the Jason guy hates you? He doesn't hate me. It's like he's like an older guy Whatever it's like we know we didn't how do you know we didn't have a relationship It's like we were in the class together, but we weren't like buddies. You know so you just like assume that he hates you I Could tell that I was like kind of obnoxious I was being kind of obnoxious. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Have you ever thought about teaching a stand-up comic class? No, because I'm terrible at stand-up. I'm fucking awful. Isn't that how you get the job teaching stand-up?

Stand-up by being bad at it? No, Tom's good. Tom taught me. I don't know about Tom. I'm just saying. The stand-up teachers. Yeah. There is a lot of teaching in LA.

It's so funny how many guys I'm like, so what are you doing? Oh, I teach improv. That's just to fuck the girls that sign up for their acting classes. Is it? Yeah. That's true. It's not a bad, it's not a bad, you were in the improv world.

I wish you would talk more about that. It's always fascinating to me. I feel like I've talked about that on my show. Yeah, well, I missed all those discussions. I don't know, what is there to talk about? I don't know, did any of those people, well, it seems like, are all the improv guys like, uh, liars? What do you mean, liars?

Well, because they're all like, oh, improv's like so like important to me or whatever. And then I'm like, it kind of feels like you're just doing this because you saw like a bunch of other famous people did it and that's how they got movie roles eventually. Uh... I don't know how to put it.

Well, it's fun. Yeah. It's fun to... I tried doing improv once and it went very badly And I never tried it again. Why would you do? I'm just big on questions and saying no to things. Pimping people out Oh, yeah, that sounds like, I don't think you would like it Maybe I would be, maybe I would be better at it now. I think I was very nervous in front of an audience I was like starting like sweating and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not good in front of a crowd like that. I know I was at hackamania I did alright at hackamania

The set was well this the jokes were fine It was just the way they were told well. I did the same jokes. I did it Josh Denny's stand-up No, it did it went good at Josh Denny's show Yeah, I mean do you think my delivery was like completely different? At Hackamania? I think the crowd was just like again, and I was told that there was just the crowd's just not funny. Well, that's the problem. I was told that there was some guys in the crowd who like didn't like me or like kind of like influencing everyone.

Well, no, like they left the I don't remember what what happened there was a guy that I was at the door there was at least one guy like booing I hate veto and he walked out yeah whatever it was like a it was like a weird mood in the room or something because there was like some guys they're like fucking hated me and I don't know exactly what happened I think some of those jokes were solid are you gonna do it again this no? Oh, come on. I don't have any new material Do you someone else's act do the guy who's up after you just do I just do whatever his jokes. Yeah, that'd be hilarious I wonder if we could do something special for Hacker mania, but I don't know All right. Well, we're gonna come up with some good material guys Guys, also, hey, come by whatnot.com slash invite slash

if you go comedy, I got a bunch of new magic cards I'm selling. Come grab them. What are you selling? I got the new Innistrad cards. I'm gonna have ether drift in a couple days. I can't believe this guy sent me Heelys. Yeah, you should try them out. It's exciting.

Maybe you can do your silly pants skating routine on Heelys. I could look at that again. That's exciting. Maybe you can do your silly pants skating routine on Heelys. I could get, I could look at that again. Might be good. Yeah. And we will be back next week with Tony from Hack the Movies. All right. With the biggest problem in... Movies.

Movies. All right, goodbye. That'd be good. Hey, maybe we should do the bonus episode Tony That's asking a lot of them Is he staying at your house still he's gonna stay at my house, huh? Do you put a bathroom door on yet? No? What do you mean? No? It's not gonna be a bathroom door. How are you gonna shit? I do you just shit you go behind the curtain in your shit with another guy in the room

You know how many countries the toilet is in the living room? Not America. It's very important. You know what the BMI of those countries is? There's a lot of countries where shitting is part of the home. You've got to put a door on that thing, man. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to do anything.

Don't you want to? You know what the best part of living life is? The moment you get to the point where it's like You don't have to do fucking anything. That's called depression. You can just live life wrong. And no one can stop you. You gotta put a door on your fucking toilet.

But I don't. That's what's cool. I could put up like a cardboard door. Yeah, do that. Put a cardboard door. Put a piece of cardboard over the door. That would be pretty good. That's horrible. All right. Goodbye.

Bye, everybody. Thanks for the Funko pop. It's a pretty cool one. I wish I knew where it went. I saw it when it went over that thing.