The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 191

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

And hard cut Hello Incredible hard cut to live. Oh, there we go. Now my fucking phone turns on Just trying to I was trying to message my wife and ask her to listen to the audio and make sure it was good But my phone was out of batteries. So That's shot that's how they get you yeah I don't know how you doing great it's been a long time since now you're all fucking quiet I think you got to turn your gain up again

test one one two test one held on do I gotta get right under me I don't know let me take a look at my mic here. I might just turn that gain up man Might need to turn it up a little bit. Yeah Turn it up just a little bit. How about that? Oh, that's way better. That's better. How about right about that? That's better. Yeah, that's right about right Wow. How you doing? Let me think Thank I'm okay. Well, what do you mean? You're okay? I'm well cuz I'm navigating my Final Fantasy magic card situation. I have to now

see Which people I ordered from were actually a Mexican scam? Website that I now have to file credit card chargebacks on and which ones are legit and it's been a fun process yeah you're still quiet ahh oh I'm still quiet? hold on

sounds good to me alright um you're counting Final Fantasy cards while the while uh we're having a MAGA Civil War. Well, yeah, because I went to go, like, check on an order, and the website I ordered from doesn't exist anymore.

And I went to their Facebook, and I went, this might not be a real store. I may have been tricked. How much did you order from them? At least, like, at least, like, 600 bucks worth of stuff. I mean, luckily, again, I ordered everything with my credit credit card so I can charge back anything that is a scam. Yeah. But now I got this weird situation where I ordered stuff from guys in Mexico, and I'm going,

well, how do I pay for that? They go, oh, you know, just a bank transfer. And I'm like, oh yeah, that's good. That's good stuff. I'm like, are you sure? And they're like, yeah, you got a wire transfer to us. And I'm really weirded out because they're like a really reputable like store with like thousands of reviews. What do you mean thousands of reviews? It's like a real it's like a real it's like one of the biggest card stores in Mexico. And I'm like, you have guys pay for you know, preorder

because I've like looked I've done like some because I got weirded out when they're like send us a bank transfer. And I'm like, yeah, this is a scam. But then I looked it up. They were like, no, I buy cards from these guys all the time. So I don't know What's the name of it? It's a canto canto cards. Okay nto Com Yeah, and I'm like I can't fuck man. I'm dude. This site can't be reached canto calm

No canto cards calmcom kanto cards.com Yeah, this looks like a scam Pagano they all look like a sky very sad. Oh damn now. Why are you buying Final Fantasy cards from a Mexican? Store because they were way cheaper than getting them from fucking gringos man the Mexicans are giving them away They were way cheaper than getting them from fucking gringos man. The Mexicans are giving them away. Which again is why I'm like, I've got cards coming from Japan, I've got cards coming from Mexico, like I couldn't get them in America. Right, right, right.

I already had all my, I actually had a bunch of cards from England get cancelled and they're like, uh sorry chit, turns out we ain't good enough to do magic cards for you, dey. I Yeah, oh my god sucks. You guys had a good day. I gotta get I think they knew I got too good a price Better People in the chat are saying candle cars is legit, but knowing my luck I'll be the guy who orders from them when they decide to rug a pole Yeah Cuz you know you can just have a business for a long time and then you go Oh, let's just rug pull this set cuz it's gonna be really big

Yeah, this would be the set to rug pull if you were gonna rug pull yeah Yeah Well good luck when does this all pan out when do you get to count your winnings and losses fuck? I think I'm now I think I'll do all right, but it It seems kinda dead. The hype around it seems dead. They fucked it up, man. They fucked it up. The hype is a little down. Luckily again, I did get good prices on stuff, so... I think I'll make a little bit of profit,

but it's not gonna be nearly... I was like, this is it! This is Vito joining the 1%! I'm gonna get in on the ground floor! Why did you think that? Because the Lord of the Rings Magic Cards sold for like so much so much like a box of $300 box the Lord of the Rings magic Cards now sells for like 1500 bucks. It was like a 5x and I said I'm gonna get it on Final Fantasy early I'm gonna be the only guy who's got it and all the cards are coming out and everyone's go these are fucking gay

They are like a damn it. It looks they are they fucking suck. They fucked it up. Well cuz it's just like it's either it's either shitty box art or like a weird twist on it. There's nothing exciting or interesting about like a freeze frame of a Final Fantasy game. Right. There's nothing to, the sets that sell are the sets where there's like a set of cards that everybody goes, I gotta that like with Pokemon everybody. I gotta have all these fucking Eevees from that new one that I got a Kevolution's I gotta get Pikachu with a Van Gogh hat I gotta have that yeah

I'll be walking down the street, and I'll just hear kids just going man. I gotta get those Eevees It's like every kid in America saying it Just going, man, I gotta get those EVs. It's like every kid in America is saying it. And there's no I gotta get those EVs moment with the Final Fantasy cards. Like, I got to get these chocobos. I don't know. They all kind of look fucking the same. No one cares about them at all. No, it's a it's a they really fucked it up.

I did not know they were going to fuck it up. It's still going to sell good, but I was going to be rich. All right. Who even fucking play the theme song. Let's do this show Gotta get those emies Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From eliminating pornography to excessive aioli, that doesn't, punning wild, that does not aioli.

That's not how you pronounce it. From useful advice being disregarded to beer that makes your kids retarded. Now that's a good one, Sir Troll-a-Lot. That's good, that's good. From useful advice being disregarded to beer that makes your kids retarded. Now that's a good one, Sir Troll-a-Lot. That's good. That's good. I'm your host, Dick Masterson, joining me is always his feto, JustWaldy. Hey, how's it going buddy?

I think I'm getting a little better. I think. I gotta admit, you're getting better. A little better all the time. Yeah, I really think so though. Yeah We'll see let's see I mean uh What happens with your dog barks near you feel good about it? I don't want to kill myself, but I don't feel good about it, but I don't like I don't go like Yeah, so try pouring pouring olive oil in your ears like I told you to

Know I should I try that well. That's why you're not getting better. Okay. That's the problem. I'll give that a solution Maybe try it out. You know I appreciate all the advice. I like you know what I like. I like generic advice I like I like generic advice where people throw it out like on the internet I like generic advice where people throw it out like on the internet But then the advice that like is like a follow-up advice like have you done this yet? Have you done this yet? I'm like okay, you know I'll get to it. I'll get around to it. I kind of I don't know if I want to be you know mixing things in my head right now I Kind of just want to watch TV

What was I gonna say well I'm glad you're feeling better okay well let's do the problem oh I was gonna say we did a great bonus episode oh yeah yeah that was good lots of juicy stories about our dads it's so we did a father's day theme the biggest problem dads, which was a lot of fun. Yeah. And as I commented to you, I said, you know, people really, for some reason, anytime, anytime I ask people, I'm like, what are some of your favorite parts of the show? They're like, I just want to hear more about your fucked up childhood. Yeah, like they love it for some reason.

fucked up childhood yeah like they love it for some reason your apartment dad problem was really sad dad sad divorce apartment yeah well you got to go play with all the the diseased drug addict children well dad bangs his girlfriend in the other room yeah good times good Good good time. So that's sucks Hey, it's the way it's the way of the the sad divorce apartment complex Yeah, a lot of sad dads a lot of bad kids. Yeah This is a fun one. So patreon.com slash biggest problem. Yeah, go check it out. Okay Last week the winners are poison beer. PFA was me. PFA. Yes. And I didn't look into that problem too. It sounded a little exaggerated.

Yeah. You didn't buy it. I mean, I want it to be exaggerated, but I believe that everything we're isn't RFK saying everything we got is poison? Maybe he's right. He's just not looking at the right stuff. Yeah, I don't know, but you were real like... You were worried about fluoride in the drink water? There's literally companies putting plastic and everything? Yeah. Not worried about fucking fluoride. In that one place though, like in that one place in Arkansas.

You talked about that a lot. It's in like a bunch... Every river, tributary, or whatever lake had a giant factory pumping chemicals into it at some point. I just don't know. I don't know why. I don't know. It sounded too good to be true. That there was something so bad happening right under our noses, you know? I don't know.

I don't know. Ask Holes was barely in second. Barely. The war on pornography. I think guys, they like it for some reason. They like the war on pornography. I don't know why. Uh, I didn't get off on it. Well, yeah, but the idea of a woman being like,

Hey, you're not allowed to look at hot porn. You're like, oh, that's pretty hot. They're trying to get me to do a thing what do you I see that I see when your screen changes just on the reflection of your glasses I can yeah I'm trying to well that's cuz I'm trying to have not white stuff on the screen because the white reflects on the glass you're all dark now you're like totally dark oh my god well yeah I know when you're fucking with something well cuz I'm trying to not have this you know white stuff all over me. I mean white stuff. It's light I'm saying if the screen is now you're in pitch black. What are you doing?

All you had to do is nothing all you had to do is not not read anything on The microphone what do you what do you turn your light on I? Have the light on but the light is the light is you look at look at the fucking screen stop reading chat Look at you look at you the light is not on That got screwed up for some reason hold on Camera control looking at the fucking chat I'm not it's you're looking you're obviously reading something no, but okay. You're obviously paying attention to something else Now you're blackface veto. I was bringing up my notes for the show alright there, okay?

I didn't manually adjust the gain on your Final Fantasy shit on another monitor Outside I know it's for the show. I was trying to do that They love they love I think they like they like warring with pornography as much as they like pornography Like they like hey, they like hating women through hating pornography. I think The guys like to hate women through hating pornography Yeah, like if they stop porn then they can hurt a lot of women who are making easy money doing it Yeah, yeah, yeah, which I hate the only they hate the only fans girls like, you know, I I don't hate them. I'm jealous

Yeah, well, I might go uh, man I wish I was just you know a hot chick and I could just take off my clothes and get paid to do it Yeah, who cares? Yeah, I was always I was always confused growing up like I would tell girls I'm like, you know, you can like sell pictures of your feet for like hundreds of bucks online They'd be like, what do you tie? I'm not gonna do that. I'm like, why would you not do that? I would do that You know, yeah, but you don't do stuff that everyone tells you to do Cuz it's way harder than just taking a picture of my fucking feet. I can take a picture of my feet in two seconds.

Everything everyone wants me to do is like- Yeah, then you gotta deal with people though. You gotta deal with guys. It has effort. Yeah. Yeah. I used to read about guys who would go to like thrift stores and they would buy used women's sneakers yeah, and then they would just catfish guys with like pictures of like hot chicks I'd be like yeah I'll sell you my my dirty sneakers and free get like $150 for like a shitty pair like Right, you know size 10 kids or whatever did you do you know someone who actually did that or did they just like? Think that would be cool to like fun. I. I don't remember where I heard it, but I remember really trying to convince my friend Rosie.

I'm like, listen, you'll be the foot lady. Yeah. I'll procure the shoes. Right. All you gotta do is put on the shoes for like two seconds. Yeah. And then we just take a picture of you and you go, look at these dirty shoes I got.

These are the worst. Yeah. I bet some pervert wants to buy these right? Though I don't think so I think that she was always like Self-conscious like they got it on you know, but it's not sure somebody's doing it. I'm sure somebody's doing no I don't think so Okay, too much mayo then is the last one TMM. I'm stupid oh Okay, too much mayo then is the last one TMM. I'm stupid. Oh

That was stupid. Well, obviously yeah, everyone agreed that those very good not a problem strategy from chemicals, I already read that uh Turkey sandwich says I'm a little late, but I just finished the newest biggest problem I lived in Arizona for four years But I guess I got to tell all my family back in North Carolina not to drink any craft beer. Also, Fayetteville rhymes with say it bill. Fayette. It's Fayetteville. It's Fayetteville yet. Well, I know it's Fayetteville.

OK, that doesn't rhyme with say it bill, does it? Fayetteville. Here's here's a problem. People who care about how you pronounce the name of their stupid town. Yeah like Melbourne. That you don't care about. Australia. Yeah. Or when I say Fremont Street and you all go it's Fremont Street. I'm gonna go who's Fremont Street there should be two E's in it. But no one has ever no one has ever said it Fremont, but it should be frement clearly yeah, okay? Sam that a problem the problem about the apartment hit close to home. Yeah

LMFAO yet really did Mike dick. Yeah, if anybody has any good divorced dad apartment stories. Let me know depressing Yeah, it's the most depressing place on earth you have been living your life is like a as a child with your both parents And yeah, it's fine and not only is that severed, but now you have to go to the bad place You don't even get to like experience that in your house right half the time you now are punished By going to the divorce department Which is the worst place on earth? Mike dick says you want a real 60 watt light bulb.

Look up corn light. No lighting issues with those fuckers. I don't even know what that means. Corn light. Jay says my dad will randomly just give me large shirts from time to time. Every single time I tell him I wear a medium, he just goes, yeah, but this one is a small for a large.

Okay. Ryan Norville, dad's rage brought to you by mom cum software says bro avatar 2 is fucking awesome And you're both gay Blart Samson said my buddy. I like I have a chart too. It's just like hokey You know he says it's awesome Like well not sorry, it's awesome. It's okay Blart Samson said my buddy's dad is such a spurg about lights He took the switch out of his room and installed a 30 minute timed switch So every half hour he'd have to go spin a rotary dial for lights. Oh, man I remember the rotary switches, but my dad had those again He had it at the at the pizza shop to make sure nobody left the the light on in the bathroom

But the pizza shop, uh-huh, so you'd be like shitting But you didn't turn the fucking knob long enough and all of a sudden you're in the dark You know like god damn it. How long are you hobble or? Cuz you're at work for like eight hours. You might have to take a shit at some point Yeah, I'll go take a shit in the pizza shop bathroom. You turn the fucking and it made this cranky noise. And now all of a sudden you're out. Yeah. Now you got to finish your shit because I can't leave that light on.

Oh my God. In your room, man, you should. That's a self-defense situation. I think a time of rotating timer in your room. So you have to get up and turn your lights on every 30 minutes. That's what the Jews use though I'm sorry They have the well they used to have I don't know if they still use them the Jew lamp the What are you saying?

What do you what are you gazing off in saying? What do you do? What are you gazing off in saying? Anti-stimatic slurs for it's not anti-stimatic. It's prosimetic. They're very no no no no no it's not that's what the Okay, cuz you know about the the Jew light switch obviously it's called a kosher light switch. It's not Yeah That's not called a juice. It's not called a Jew light. Nothing is called a nothing is called anything All right, well the Jew lamp, before they had the kosher light switch, it was a lamp that, you know, the light bulb's here and then it has this like cone that like spins and like part of the cone is open. So you would crank up your Jew cone or whatever. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It's most of the time it's used Like it is Dave Portnoy for some reason and he cares what he has to say

So you'd crank the Jew cone and I won that mo guy that did that Yeah, I really destroyed him yeah, and then as the day goes on the cone spins and eventually it reaches the point that it covers up the light bulb Primitive kosher light switch yeah, yeah, it's just like it's go to bed. Oh, it's like a primitive kosher light switch? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, it's just constantly event. And then eventually it slowly covers the light bulb for an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you gotta like crank it up before it's kosher day or whatever they got. The Sabbath. I feel like everything that needs to be said is said with the kosher light switch or like the thing that you're talking about. Everything, the entire Middle East, like all of our systems, really, really the everything, everything can be summarized with, we'll just

go check out that kosher lamp. And I like the idea. I tell me why. Tell me why that exists and tell me the implications of it. That's it. Just tell me how that people who have spent devoted their time on earth to outsmarting God himself It's kind of like you gotta almost appreciate that on some level. Yeah, you lose your bank account. If you don't you lose your bank account. So yeah. To piss off God for not writing a good enough contract It's like but they wrote the contract they wrote the contract Everybody likes the story where you fuck with the genie and you get one over on the genie. That's basically what the Jews are doing.

Wait, wait, wait. What story do you fuck over the genie? What's that story? That's Aladdin where he goes, Well, I got you out of the cave. Aladdin does not fuck over the genie. I technically didn't use, I didn't wish for you to get me out of the cave. You just got me out of the cave. He's like, oh, you to get me out of the cave. You just got me out of the cave He's like oh you Jews that was

He goes donk and his jaw hits the ground And that's the god of the Jewish faith as he's constantly Gone All right kid you got one on me this time But you can't go outside and Aladdin's flying around as his magic carpet putting a string around New York And he goes, ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I mean it's a great story. That's that's a there. It's a very interesting people. We love them How can you not love them? I love them. That's what I don't understand about the people who don't love them I go they're little they're little mischievous cherubs You know yeah Making deals and coming up with ideas all right

It's at me Yoshi says the biggest problem is universe is fans who watch every episode yet somehow just still don't know why Vito is In the studio yeah, it's funny ministry of dude V veto the cancel funny because every I keep getting messages people going video Will you just fix your car and stop being a lazy piece of shit? And I'm like wait what? Just ignore them Yeah, well, it's Okay, sure. That's the way to go Where was I veto the cancel Hulk that's my secret. I'm always the problem lol ministry dude. Yeah, that's the way to go Where was I veto the cancel Hulk that's my secret I'm always the problem lol ministry dude. Yeah, that's pretty funny Tin horn hey whoever was catfishing veto next time you need to build up slowly to asking him to live stream himself during a horned up

Talk you jump you jumped in too quick there Fashionably unemployed veto I don't want to do a food show also veto my problem is too much mayo What do you think about that? I'll rant about food all day if somebody wants to take it and edit it into a video Maybe that's maybe that's the way to do it. Yeah Yeah, ranting about boys thought I've always thought it would be great if somebody took some of there are great Moments on this show and did a little animation out of them. Yeah, I think you would go viral and you should do it. Like somebody else doing it you mean?

Yeah, make a little channel for it. There's guys who did it for like come town and the the animations are fucking hilarious. Okay, uh Let's see. Oh This is a giant one. No, user, oh no, not that boy says, Bo Blacks needs to find a maid in all caps. I say this as a fellow Canadian. That maid joke, man, that really inspired a generation of tricksters.

Oh, they kill people. Clever. And then user PTQ says, it's sad that Dick always pushes Vito into these good ideas that Vito could do. And Vito just doesn't want to even attempt anything that Dick tells him to do. Vito couldn't have to review the newest garbage

that every fast food place is doing. He could just talk about his passion for old items and what made them good to him. And people would love that compared to him trying to chill Something new that's so much thought went into that post, you know Oh, I read that post and again, you said like stop fighting with the fans So I won't fight with the fans on the post

Why would you fight? Well, I'm white. Wait, wait, you saw that and you're like, I'm gonna argue with it Yeah And you're like, I'm gonna argue with it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause, okay. Cause the argument is always, I don't understand why Vito doesn't have infinite time.

Why would you argue with that? Because it's sad. Cause he makes it sound, cause the assumption is that Vito is ignoring good ideas to presumably sit around and eat cookies and jack off, okay? I have other stuff that I am doing with my time. What? Hahahaha

It's not like I have infinite time to do infinite things. Why would you argue with that comment over all comments? Because the assumption is, well I don't know why veto doesn't just direct a feature film Why doesn't he make his own star like all this shit takes time? I have limited time I can't do every idea that comes my way and I'm like you you were gonna say that to him Well, okay read the comment again. The comment says like I don't understand sad that it's the comment again the comment says like oh I don't understand sad that it's sad I should be good ideas and Vita that Vito could do and Vito just doesn't even attempt anything that dick advises him on that's right Vito doesn't have to

review the newest garbage that every fast food place is doing he could just talk about his passion of old items and what made them good to him and people would love that compared to him trying to shill something quote-unquote new Okay, the reason I argue with that he's saying that he's saying that he would like imagining you making oh Yeah, and the content he's imagining he goes well cuz he goes I don't understand it like it sounds like it's a personal failing on my part that I haven't made intricate Food essays isn't it which would it would take Time I have to get a guy to edit it. I got to write a script

I got to edit a voiceover all that shit takes time right all the time I spent on that everyone's gonna go welcome to fucking comics not overcome this fucking thing. I got stuff I'm working on okay. I just can't believe out of this is one thing This is a mostly positive comment. This is not a positive comment at all It's overwhelmingly positive It's horrifically negative going oh Vito's just like a lazy piece of shit He doesn't listen to dick who's a genius guys. I might make food videos at some point okay But first of all I have no idea if the return on

Investment is gonna be worth it What's the point of me devoting Do you know how many times I've devoted? Weeks of my life to editing some stupid YouTube video together, and I make like I don't know 500 bucks some stupid YouTube video together and I make like I don't know 500 bucks Channel I don't know I don't know no I Well, there's a lot of videos they again you devote time to them nothing comes out of it It's not like oh my god. I gotta make videos about subway. It's the only thing like I have other shit going on Okay, and if I reach a you know that say all that stuff on you on the comment section

I just want to make it clear that when people are like Clearly the only reason this isn't happening is because of some horrific laziness on vetoes part Just know that I have other projects that are demanding my attention at the time yeah, and ones that I think are far more viable as, what do the food essays take me? What do I get from that? What does that do for me? What does it do for the greater good?

I make a little bit of ad revenue, I get some subscribers, maybe I can promote to like, okay, you gotta have an overarching plan of where you're going, you know know Where are you going with like reviewing like black? Captain America That's just again is kind of just to keep people around And again, let's be real. I'm trying to make comic books You would hope that people watching comic book movies like comic books. They see that they follow me

There's now they really do they people who like? bit It's like a little bit of a but it reads It's like retards like retards only retards watched that new Captain America shit with black Captain America and like red Incredible Hulk only retarded people watch that right movie right kind of Yeah, no, I'm retarded. watch that Right movie right? kind of Yeah, no, I'm retarded. That's why I was

Shit who watches this shit nobody it's they was bad. I could cry I've heard Thunderbolts is okay. I still haven't seen that it's gonna be it's all garbage It's not becoming emotionally invested in this fantastic four movie. I want to know what's going on That looks like I want to know what's going on. That looks like shit too. I want to learn about the Fantastic Four. Alright, um... That's it. That's all I have. Maybe after I sell the horrific amount of Final Fantasy cards I probably should not have invested in.

Yeah, you have time for that. Yeah, well that makes money! I can run a fucking live stream make 500 bucks selling crap I make a food video a guy clicks on he goes Who's this fat guy talking about subway? Right so you're an F slur in the comments and he leaves I get nothing from that and then you go argue with him in the And then I go argue with him in the comments because he doesn't understand how hard it is to be me it is to be me okay I gotta make this video game do you want to do a problem well I don't want to hear about the video game I can't hear I can't be hearing about no video game I can't hear about know what to have no video game yeah we do a quick segment everybody's favorite I don't have the well you got

to have put up any jingle It doesn't matter just pick a little something I like to call vote it up Well wait did I hear that already pick one to do like a classic do one of mine. I don't know where yours are I should have been here. I'll do this one I don't know what this one is I wake up every evening with a big pig in my face and he only works out for cake and you're still probably thinking at a nine to five place I wonder how much he weighs when you

see Dick's face hope you weigh yourself hope you weigh yourself when you walk the plank hope you weigh yourself hope you weigh yourself this if you wake yourself, hope you weigh yourself This is one of these classic moms in the other room renditions Don't get too loud Alright, you know I'm just going to this thing From all the way back at episode for one of our top problems is actually problem number four on the board Was the problem of too much pride? That's how we started off this show dick. Yeah way back in episode four We said there's a little too much going on. Yeah boy has the world

Kept turning Right now yeah, now there's not there's not pride now now. It's like now. There's barely any pride. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's great It's like everybody's still doing it is almost doing it like out of spite And I mean it was always kind of out of spite, but now it's like We're still doing it although all the baseball teams are doing it. You're like who the fuck cares about I don't care Yeah, put a bunch of brown put a bunch of brown flags everywhere. Whatever the fuck it is for this year's pride month about two and five Put a bunch of brown flags everywhere, whatever the fuck it is. For this year's Pride Month, about two in five corporations are decreasing their recognition

of the gay-centric holiday as executives bow to pressure from the Trump administration. The attention that they're hoping to avoid is the go-go. We celebrated Pride Month by beheading John Redcorn's gay dog. Yeah, you know I was Yeah, happy pride month Suck on this suck on this gun BAAAAAAA I feel like sometimes you bring these stories where not everybody has seen them for those of you Don't know the voice actor of John Redcorn was killed in an argument We're being told by some that it may have been a

Motivated hate crime yeah except his husband's a woman except for that part. Yeah, well, that's the weird thing So his husband is a trans man. Yeah, well that's that's a lady That's a methodic that you're married to John Redcorn is just fucking a weird lady. That's not it. That's not gay Talking about doesn't work the other way You I am seeing a lot of posts like well This is why we need pride month because otherwise maniacs are going to kill John Redcorn. But the more details that come, we're going to find out the details. The details of the story don't make a lot of sense.

No. Well, companies are hoping to avoid the scrutiny of the go-go-broke backlash that companies like Target and Bud Light have experienced, as well as scrutiny from anti-trans activists. Anti-trans, wow. Like Robbie Starbuck, who has pressured top companies to roll back their DEI commitments. Companies are also hoping to stay off the Trump administration's radar. Worried that perhaps if they're a little too prideful, Trump's going to come down on them. San Francisco Pride, one of the world's largest

LGBTQ plus parades has lost sponsorships from Comcast and Heiser Bush. And in New York, PepsiCo Nissan and Citibank will not be sponsoring NYC Pride. That's it, this was over. It's totally over, it's not even a thing anymore. All this Pride shit. It didn't have to be over though. That's it's over. It's cringe. It's cringe. It's gay in a lame way

And now it's over now everyone's afraid of it now. It's just like companies arguing with each other on Twitter It's totally fucking played out and gay. That's it Well, I think it was fun. It was like hey, we're gay guys, there's rainbows, we're dancing. We're like, all right, all right, it's fun. And then the bank comes in and goes, this is the Chase Bank gay float. And you're like, yeah, well, now I'm getting a weird mix of corporate signals of this. I don't know. Yeah, but even that we've like, we've talked about the pride month, like it's turning into like a, it's turning into like a Disney's, it's turning into like a Disney's,

it's turning into like a Disney's Gone Woke thing. Like it's just over, the whole topic of Pride is over. It's done, you know what I'm saying? Well, it feels like the Pride Parades feel like a Disney adult celebration, you know? You feel like you're stepping into fucking Disneyland. Unless it's like you're saturated with piss, like San Francisco, and everyone's

getting each other monkey pox. See that's why I said, I think you argued with me on the last show where I said, you know, we should, the one day a year to go around and be naked and piss on each other, I'm okay with that for the gays. Yeah, I mean, you, not a whole month, you would be the last person anyone would ask about anything about in public. Like who should we ask if it's okay to do this? Oh, let's ask Vito, the guy without a bathroom door, if it's okay if we're doing this today. Let's be clear, there's a lot of gay guys

who wanna get naked in the street and pee on each other, and I feel like giving them one day of year to get it out of their system is a really nice thing to do as a society. I'll tell you what, it's gonna start sounding, talking about pride one way or the other, and all this like woke shit, is gonna start sounding like boomers

telling you the difference between a hard R and an A, and how one is bad, and one is what black people call each other. That's what all this retarded, woke, pride shit is gonna start sounding like. And it already is to me. As soon as I hear like, well, you know it's woke, it's like, oh God, here we go.

And then they say it without a hard R. Is that right? Oh shit. I Think there's valuable aspects of gay culture worth celebrating It's just we ended up all the cool gay stuff got pushed aside for the lame gay stuff You know, nobody gives a fuck about any of it anymore. That's all I'm saying It's tap that that well has been that wells run dry. I Can't well you mean that what do they not care about they don't care about like Enshrining the rights of the LGBT community just the whole thing is dead the whole concept is dead all this LGBTQ shit all this progressive Shit, it's over. It's like a dead zeitgeist. It's like it's like

It's just something that old men cry about now. Oh look this movie's gay like no one cares. It's over. I It's interesting, you know, I was actually I don't know It's it's interesting to see how many companies have you know used to see all the rainbow logos and the pride I remember Target had all the pride merchandise. I bought pride merchandise in the Target. And people are going to be like, oh, boy. Wow. Yeah. Target. Yeah. It's interesting.

It's the public consciousness on a major fucking issue has shifted dramatically in one direction to the point where it's no longer profitable to do gay stuff. For a while, there's a lot of money in doing gay stuff. Yeah, it's like a fucking, exactly what you're saying is the endless loop of senility that is going to grab the millennial generation of thought leaders and lock them into it this endless like, yeah well you know. Well why talk about anything then?

I don't know, it's a topic. Just that, I'm saying just that. Just the concept of pride playing out over and over again dead totally dead now Well, all I can say is You won't be seeing as many rainbows this year. Yeah Am I doing boomer talk radio? Yes. Yes, it is. It's boomer talk radio Am I doing boomer talk radio? Yes. Yes, it is. It's boomer talk radio

Radio The thing is the kids are doing and these companies don't do it in the Middle East like yeah, holy fuck man Yeah, we've been hearing that for ten years. I Understand the the you know becoming exhausted by the endless Repetitive rhetoric. Yeah, I've noticed is I think I agree with you, you know, I exhausted by the endless repetitive rhetoric. Yeah. What I've noticed is, I think I agree with you, you know, I know that gets under your skin when you have to do the same... No, here's a... The same chestnut over and over. Yeah.

Here's a, uh, actually I don't know what your problems are, so I'm not gonna go into that shit. What's the next one? Well, uh, here, I'm gonna give you a choice, cause I don't know if there's a problem. Elon Musk or a food one? Uh, go for the Elon Musk one. Doomers, that's a big problem. That's okay. That's a well from one episode 196 was the problem of Elon oh no says episode 67 was the problem of Elon Musk

Who is currently in? Perhaps the most notable battle of his life Yeah, president of the United States maybe Ketamine as well as the president of the United States him and Nick Cricata have the same tweeting profile laughter I gotta say we talk a lot about people like spinning out

and ruining a good thing on this show and I'm watching Elon Musk and I go well that's, this is a move, I don't know if it's a good thing on this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm watching Elon Musk and I go, well, this is a move. I don't know if it's a good move, but this is a move. Pedo Jacketing, how about that for a voted up? Pedo Jacketing is also a voted up, that's true. Elon Musk has escalated the war of words

between himself and President Trump in response to his criticism of Trump's big, beautiful bill. Yeah. Here's the summary of how the rift unfolded. During an Oval Office meeting with the German Chancellor, Frederick Mears, Trump was asked about Elon Musk's criticism of the bill. Trump said, Elon and I had a great relationship.

I don't know if we will anymore. Yeah. You know what's funny? You know what's kind of funny with Trump is like when he says stuff, like do you get like kind of like an EVS vibe? Like, like he's kind of- Like he's always saying the opposite of what he-

Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're both from, I mean, they're both from Jersey and New York. Yeah. Like they talk the same way. Yeah. The way, the way EVS goes Well, you know, I had a he had him blow up with the rickhada lately

I don't know if you saw that on Twitter and he's like, well, I'm just saying I I really hope Rikata's doing okay, and I'm like, oh man, it's good. It's the same energy for Trump. I'm going Well, we had a great relationship. I you know, I don't know what's going on. I we'll see I hope he drones strikes him I hope Trump drone strikes Elon and then he just nationalizes his company yeah Musk first Trump told Reporters he was disappointed in Elon saying he knew every aspect of this bill and never had a problem until after he left saying that Elon is only criticizing the bill because now he's not in the cool Kids club yeah, he's not getting those subsidies that he wants subsidies

Took to X beginning a flurry of posts to step up his feud with the president suggesting that Trump all of his toting little Indians around him Elon with all of his with all of his fucking With all of his toadying little Indians around him, Elon, with all of his fucking foreigner Malaysian H1B like shills that he pays princely sums to in their shithole countries defending him. Well, that's what I'm confused about is I go, look, there is criticism of Trump, but overall,

well, it's always hard to gauge, but to me, I would go, I would never pick a fight with Trump because Trump has the support of a lot of people you know they're all gonna Ride or die for that guy. We'll kill him and you're oh yeah. That's what I'm saying yeah It's very insane or I go you could have every Trump guy going I love Elon Musk if you just kind of fucking bro. Everyone's just gonna burn your cars now. It's now. It's just everyone Nobody you went hard in the pain for Trump and I went well It's a it's a bold strategy cotton and now he's going hard to pay for nobody. He's gonna have nothing left Yeah, like what are we gonna if we get rid of Elon?

What's not like what are we gonna? What do we miss out on India doesn't get starlink doesn't get broadband internet like oh wow That's oh, it's really true. Yeah, the Congo that the Congolese can't get on the internet and tweet fuck me Oh, no, you know on Musk realizes Trump can just pick a different tech doofus to be like yeah, this is my guy He's my tech guy. Fuck it. Who cares? Like Elon Musk really seems to think that he's like a rock star, that everyone's gonna be like,

oh, right, yeah, Musk's sticking it to Trump. That's my guy or whatever. And you're like, dude, no, you're not. All your power. It's just gonna be him and Ian Miles Trongus, like, coupled up together. That's it. I don't know what he's thinking,

but he did suggest that, first he said Trump's global tariffs will cause a recession in the second half of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who gives a fuck? And then claimed that Trump, well I mean I don't want that to happen, but uh, and then claims Trump- Is a pedophile. The reason the Epstein files have been sealed is because Trump is uh, Trump's up in those Epstein files is what he's claiming. Yeah, yeah. So now, it's just the same- The guy that you gave your kid to? The guy that you let- the guy that you let babysit your kid, crawling around under the desk in the White House. That guy's a pedophile? Sure, sure.

And you knew that. Wow, okay. Thanks, Elon. That is a very good point, is that- He's fucking retarded! If you knew a guy was a sex criminal, like you were his best friend, and then now that you guys are like fighting, and you go, you know, now that I don't even like him, now I can talk about all the rape he was doing.

And you're like, wait, why'd you like him before? What do you mean? That's horrifying. It had the Finding Neverland feel to it. And here's the big bomb. Those files aren't coming out, cause Trump's in them. Your move.

Have a good day, Trump. Whoa! Wow, man. Really, you really nasty womaned him there, bro. Somebody made a very good point, which is Biden was in the White House for four years and had access to any Epstein shit he wanted. Don't you think if there was like credible proof

that Trump did anything with the miners with Epstein or whatever that somebody would have leaked that to fuck with his presidential campaign? Nobody, nobody actually thinks Trump's a pedophile. They just like pretending. No. And they think it's funny to both pretend. And then like, you're pretending too, right? Yeah, I'm pretending too.

Like, yeah, this is funny. Why? There's a lot going on. President Trump threatened to dec- Or no, said he's gonna terminate Trump's government subsidies. Musk responded by saying he's gonna decommission his Dragon spacecraft, which to me,

seems like the gayest possible. Well, I'm gonna take my Dragon then. You don't have access to my Dragon anymore. Weest possible. Well, I'm gonna take my dragon then We got it we got to take that dragon man, we Why can't we just take it we can say public security risk, bro. You can't be You can't be refusing service to the US fuck that we gotta take that we can't let a Chinese people have that technology yeah Musk suggesting Trump should be impeached and JD Vance would replace Trump and meanwhile Steve Bannon is saying there are 30 minute news segment what do you this isn't your problem this is the news it's like you're just reading the entire news!

I wanna know, I don't know all the different things. I wanna see how bad my fucking Tesla stock's doing. That's the real problem. You have Tesla stock? Do you have any good investments at all? What do you mean? Do you have any good investments? Final Fantasy cards, Palantir, Tesla, Hems? How can you say my Palantir, Tesla, Hems, all you have is garbage. How can you say my Palantir investment is garbage? What are you talking about? What's your exit price? I bought Palantir.

Oh, I sold most of it already. What was your exit price? It was like 70, sadly. You have any good stocks? Or is it just whatever's on the news? Bro, my stocks are killing it. You're retarded. Every stock... I get people all the time sending me messages going, Vito's stock tips have made me rich beyond my wildest dreams. Yeah, right, right, right. Hims is rep roaring! Did you see Hims? No. Robin Hood popped today? All my shit's killing it.

Robin Hood 2. Okay, I gotta write these down. Palantir. Robin Hood, Pal Robin Hood palantir. So just whatever's in the news you're on What stocks are you buying? Oh, I only get the index. Why the fuck would I buy and sell stocks? It's retarding. Why do you think a stock is in the news? Maybe because the stock is doing well It's a hot tip from the news. That's what you're saying. If the stocks in the news buy it. What are you fucking looking at now? I'm up 76% on Robin Hood right now, so you can shut your fucking mouth. I don't know. I don't understand how my investments are up 70 80 percent So- and you go oh you fucking terrible thug. You're fucking retarded.

Cause you're fucking terrible, you're fucking retarded. Cause you're retarded. It's not, it's not, you are not the 6% of investors that can beat the index. That's not you. I have beat the index, if I sold everything now, I mean yeah, okay, so if I sold everything now I'd beat the index. From when? Forever? What do you mean from when? From when you started? What do you mean from when? From when you started? What do you mean?

You'd beat the index. Uhhh, well, yeah, yeah, it's hard to calculate. But no, I didn't beat the index. And then what? And then what? And then what what? What do you mean? Then you buy more stocks?

You buy more news stocks? I have index funds as well. I do not have any index funds. So that was my first question Do you have any good stock series? It's just the news I Have index funds I have some stocks that pay dividends Bank of America is pretty okay for dividends I don't just buy meme stocks, but you know I'm buying a lot of the

nuclear But you know, I'm buying a lot of the nuclear funds. Oh wow. Because nuclear is becoming a thing. Yeah, I got some individual stocks. I'm doing fine. What are you... Okay, let's put it this way. My Roth IRA...

I mean you're buying fucking Final Fantasy cards from Mexico to flip a profit. I don't know if I run fine My Roth IRA, which I only opened three years ago in 2023 was when I opened it is up a hundred and four percent and I don't buy anything I buy and put in there. I don't touch so tell me I'm bad at stocks I literally doubled my money. I don't yeah three years. That's amazing That's pretty good for a double return. You know the average S&P index is 10%

Not every day forever not three ever I'm sorry you didn't buy Palantir every time. I told you my Palantir and it's out Well you shoulda you shoulda, but I told Patrick Melton to buy him's right before it popped and he said I was crazy Yeah, I'm giving you guys gold. It's not retarded. Why is it retarded? Cuz anybody can sell pills? Yeah Basically, they just made a deal to give the discounted ozempic every fat person is gonna have a fucking him subscription I'm money on the table. This is not financial is that the

Is that the end of this I can't believe you're giving me shit for on a Tesla stock everybody owns Tesla stock Everyone's fucking retarded It's it's it's it's got they have valuable technology self-driving vehicles Is that what makes a stock good if they have good technology I Don't understand I've made money on the stock market. Why do I got to hear that? I'm an idiot I don't think I'm an idiot. I've made money doing this. Yeah. Why is Tesla good then? Because the self-driving technology, the big upside to Tesla is the potential of RoboTaxis, if they take off. That's what their press release said though. That's what various investor groups that are investing millions upon millions of dollars are betting on.

You think that's their like that's their Conclusion? Rubo taxis. Yeah, that could be good Let's buy it. I Think that's a major part of why they're buying Tesla is Is that well, it's an it's a major potential industry. Well, I hope the same with AI. That's what people are investing AI I like AI. Yeah. Yeah. All right Is that it? I don't know you were talking shit about AI investments, which makes no sense to me. It's retarded AI is fucking retarded. It sucks All right, just buy index funds and what? Yeah, I mean unless you're unless you're smarter than everyone then buy

Play gambling games buy socks and gambling is fun buy Final Fantasy Magic Magic cards and shit like that But yeah, all this video game trash. I bought is worth good money now. I'm flipping it. I gotta sell more of this Is that it is that the end? That's it. That's all I got. That's the end of the bit You're the one who attacked my stock picking this is just funny Me making a bunch of money reasons for why you're buying these stocks. That's why I have explained my reasons I You wake up every evening based on your vision of the future You think what occurs and he only works out the cake And you're still probably thinking

At a nine by sound place How much he weighs When you see dick space, hope you weigh yourself. Hope you weigh yourself Oh, I remember this song. Okay, and you walk the plank. Hope you weigh yourself. Hope you weigh yourself bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba bubba Okay, there we go, do you want to do about Palantir at eight dollars a share it's a hundred and thirty dollars a share Okay, so you can't go can't believe you're buying Palantir Can't believe you're buying look at it. I'm looking at it right now 1300 percent return yeah

It's a balance here. It's pretty good. Yeah, that's that's the whole stuff. They just said all right What so now what uh you're gonna buy another 1300% return? No? That's in my Roth IRA, and I don't touch that stuff. You're just gonna hold Palantir forever No, I will eventually pass it out, but I play with it I Might take it and put it into an index fund now 100% okay, the Roth IRA are the safe investments the index funds and the whatever else okay, uh-huh I have the S&P. I have the Whatever the fuck uh-huh

You gotta tell me what bond the what to do a bonds though because I still don't get it Don't do it But I feel like I should do it, I know there's something there, I bought something Go read about it Some sort of a treasury bill, index fund You got something Alright do your problem I got something Alright I got a couple problems here, let me see which one I like the best

Okay here's one I got I'll just do this one So I'm on the internet, of course. I like to read articles. I like to learn things about the world around me. And I got this article here from the New York Post about the... John Brankus, the Emmy-winning host of ESPN's Sports Science. Were you a big John Brankus fan? No winning host of ESPN's Sports Science. Were you a big John Brankus fan?

No, I don't know who the fuck that is. No, no one does. I have no idea who this is, but I'll tell you this. They're dead at age 54, which is terrible. You hate to hear that. Was it that? Was it? I don't know.

Could be anything. Could be anything. Could be anything. Was it candy related? Did he meet a doctor who took him out back for a fauci? Yeah. Well here's what happened is he had a battle, you know how we have those classic

battles with various ailments. You know, like you might battle cancer, you might battle leukemia, which is also just cancer. Uh, John Brankus died after his battle with depression. Oh, okay.

Hahahaha! And I said I said, oh, what do you mean? What do you mean dead after battle with depression? Like, well, you know, he was fighting depression and then he lost against depression. I go, well, what happened to the depression? He killed himself?

Strangle him? Yeah. Did the depression put a hole in his head? I think he, it's also one of the, okay, I guess my problem is- Was he trans? I mean, that's something you say about a trans person. Yeah. My problem is

just the suicide talking. Like, can we just say the motherfucker killed himself? Like, do we have to dance around it? He died after his battle with depression? What the hell? Battle with depression! This is a New York Post article Just say John Brankus Emmy winning host of ESPN sports science Dead because he shot himself in the mouth with a shotgun like say that is that what he did I want I don't know

Because they won't tell me it just says that it was a battle with depression. Yeah, the most childish Fucked up way to talk about like I were already living in a very childish time where we talk about things and fanciful magical terms, and we believe shit that is just insane But that we've got to the point of not just going that dead of suicide that was simple. You know you went oh commit suicide That's horrible. No lost his battle with depression He unaligned himself after a battle with depression was it a battle Like what was the what was the battle was the battle how hard was he battling was he in like what form did the battle take? You know what it is I guess the real problem is our is the way we just talk about

See we have to invent these new terms And I know part of it has been, you know, the whole kid saying, oh, he unalived himself, right? Dude, honestly, just do men, it's Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. Just do men's mental health. It is mental health. It's fucking awareness. Okay, yeah. It's so stupid and condescending.

Like, men's mental health awareness is just an excuse for fucked up women to talk to lecture and nag Imaginary men about going to therapy. That's it all month. That's why don't you know if guys would just go to therapy if men Would just go to therapy Yeah, you know I don't know Why do people think they're like? Okay, I because women have never solved anything with violence that's why because nothing women have never solved anything with

violence and men have solved every problem that's ever been solved with violence that's why women only solve problems by opening their legs and fucking it to death and men solve it by killing it so to them the idea that to them to women the idea that, to them, to women, the idea that men have a solution to everything built into our DNA that is just dying and screaming to get out all day every day, to them is a fixable problem.

But to us, the problem is really that we can't just do it. That's the fundamental difference. Yeah. I don't understand people who go like, yeah, you know, you gotta get therapy. You gotta deal with your mental health problems or whatever, and I go, I feel, here's my interpretation of therapy

and mental health treatment is that it's like, only for really stupid people who can't fathom the extremely empty and obvious platitudes the therapist is going to repeat to them, you know? Or like, you're going to get in there with the therapist and they're like, why are you mad? And you're like, I don't know, my wife's a bitch. And then they might be like, well, have you tried, you know, talking to her or empathize? Wait, wait, wait, have you been to therapy?

I don't know if that's an accurate description of therapy I Remember at one point when I was dating a girl. She made us go to couples therapy And I remember going Yeah, how long are you dating uh Like like four or five years four or five years wow okay? Yeah together a woman or a It was a woman okay? It was a biological woman, and she said well we got a lot. We were fighting a lot She's like we should we should go to see a therapist. Yeah, and I talk about it. Oh

Who picked the therapist well she did but I think she was mad because the therapist was I was like Well, you know the problem in our relationship is you're crazy, right? Right? She's like no, no, no We just got to talk to a therapist and we talked to a therapist and the therapist We're kind of dancing around being like well, it seems like the problem here is that the woman is crazy Like but she couldn't say that cuz you know, I want to say that therapy I kept hoping she would get the hint of like yeah, you're fucking nuts. Yeah, like you're nuts Yeah, what do you not get about that? You're angry about stupid bullshit How was how did couples therapy go like you just sit down and take turns?

Attacking the other person but like sneakily so they can't tell or they can't call you out on it Yeah, yeah, like like, you know, you would they would cat she would like catalog Every bad thing I'd done across the past five years And then they like well, I don't know if you realize, three years ago he did this fucking thing that he's completely forgotten about and I'd go, see I think the problem is you're crazy because no normal person would remember this, you know?

Well, and look, she's a nice lady, she's just like every other lady, she's nuts in the head. This is the one who I went, hey can you just come and take your shit out of my garage? Yeah. She's like, just throw it all out if you're gonna. You know pressure me to take that stuff in your garage Just throw it all out. I'm like. I don't want to throw out all your stuff I just I just in the next three months Can you just like pick a day and come right?

She's like I have too much going on right now, and my car is broken And I can't believe you would ask me to come pick and I'm like oh, I'm so glad I cut out of that fucking relationship asked me to come pick and I'm like, Oh, I'm so glad I got out of that fucking relationship. Well, what did the therapist say? Like, what kind of stuff does she ask? I can't even remember because I just, I just remember sitting there and being like, just, you know, a lady just dumping on, on me and my lifestyle. She's like, he doesn't understand I have to go to work and like, you know, I got to get up early in the morning and he just gets on the computer and makes fucking YouTube videos and I'm like yeah well that's my fucking what do you mean like I gotta feel bad that I figured out a

way to make money that requires me dicking around like that's good that's a benefit not to mention I pay for half the shit so you should be happy I'm digging around more than half the shit I was paying for her for a long time but you should be happy I'm making fucking YouTube videos and buying you shit How many can you know I? Don't know like five times And then you said like I'm done or what I don't know I forget why we stopped going in the relationship Just kind of petered out from there. I don't have an exact timeline. Yeah, telling, I was telling, we went to Vegas to Ackermania and I saw my buddy and I was talking to him about her and I said,

well here's the thing that happened is uh, she ended up, I think we were talking about magic cards and I go, you know one of the best deals I ever got on magic cards was when my girlfriend revealed she was cheating, had been cheating on me for the past three months. Okay. And that she wanted to break up and he goes oh my god that's horrible I go no this is the best thing that ever happened like we weren't having sex at the time like we were basically just kind of roommates at that point okay and I was I was planning to move back to LA and I'm like the second I get to LA I'm calling her and being like hey I don't think this for long distance relationships gonna work and she made it way easier by just Cheating on me and I went oh, this is great all the pressure of like breaking up is gone, right?

And then but then she's like hey, I want you to meet my my new boyfriend or whatever and the guy goes Hey, I got all these magic cards for you I said is this like a dowry like is this like you think you steal my girlfriend You win me over by giving me a bunch of sliver decks. Yeah, cuz you're right. I went cuz if so you're 100% right This is fantastic. He gave me he had like three of the premium sliver decks in a box I sold I got like a thousand bucks out of that box. I still got some of those cards, okay So that worked out perfectly and again. I mean back on the topic of men's mental health, you gotta be the kind of man who just realizes the only problems in your

world are probably that a woman is making you crazy. Right. In any way that you can escape from her. Like I saw him and I'm like, you have no idea what you're getting into buddy. Good luck. Have fun. Thanks for the magic cards. I threw him in my fucking Honda element. I drove down to LA. Oh I Escaped escaped to LA okay, so your problem is the suicide thing My problem yeah, my problem. I guess is male suicide and talking I'm talking about. I don't know it's Well figured out Well, I was gonna say it's talking about suicide in these like extremely coded terms. Yeah.

Like, secret suicide. That's the problem. Okay, secret suicide. Remember when my friend died, my lady friend, and we were all really confu- we were all really confused because her obituary was written in the first person. Oh, that's cool. No, it's not! Yeah, that's fun. That's like a neat twist on an obituary.

I'm dead. Hold on, it's a neat twist! It's a neat twist if it's made clear... I wish I could have taken everyone else with me, but I didn't have enough money. It would have been a neat twist if it was made clear to us whether or not she had actually written it because we're all reading my name somebody wrote as her in the first person I was self this years old when I killed myself I really liked music and whatever else and me and Josh Daddy who knew this girl were like talking to each other were like did she write a first person obituary for herself before she killed herself and then the mom had to get on Facebook and be like a lot of people are complaining about the lovely obituary I wrote for my daughter. Yeah, it's retarded. It's like very confusing that you wrote as your daughter

Because now we're all freaking out because now it's like oh my god how premeditated was this suicide We don't know and again. I still and here's what drives me out. I still don't know I don't know yeah the secret the secrecy of suicide dead after a battle with depression I want to know how my friend killed herself. I like I deserve to know no, I don't know I don't know if she hung herself if she shot herself she's literally insane. How would I get that information? I can't go to the mom women are you women are like pills are hanging right? She was kind of dramatic. It could have been like a slit wrist situation That's how I like to imagine it,

cause that's a pretty hardcore way to go. She's kind of like a gothic edge to her. Yeah. But I don't know. I don't know how she, same with Anthony Bourdain. They go, ah, you know, maybe he hung, I'm like, he had his dick in his hands. I want to know if it was autoerotic asphyxiation.

How often? It's all this secrecy. Yeah, how much time, how much of the day do you spend thinking about suicide in general? I don't think I you know I'll say like you know I'll say yeah, man I should just fucking kill myself, but I don't think about Other people's other people's other topic in general. Yeah, yeah That's a good question probably not not that much, I guess.

Oh, okay. Sometimes I start thinking about it. What's too much? What's too much? Thinking about other people's suicides? Yeah, just in general, the topic in general. Suicides are very interesting. I don't think there is too much. I think we should talk more about suicide. Ha ha ha, why? Because, like, a lot of people are doing it and like the way we talk about it again is

always like very childish. It's always like, oh, you know, they lost their battle with depression or whatever. It's never like he realized all this was bullshit. Like that's how we should talk about suicide is a John Brankus Emmy winning host of ESPN Sports Science dead at 54 after realizing all of this is bullshit. That would be a better headline. After realizing none of this really bullshit that would be a better headline After realizing none of this really fucking matters like they should They should name it they should make it more coded like there should be like a character like Santa Claus

That kills people that they use if you killed yourself, so it's like the no I've another one. Suicide Clause. Uh, John, whatever his name is, lost it. That's how you explain it to kids. Yeah, lost his fight with the noid. The noid broke into his house and killed him on the toilet. Fucking sucks. Everyone hates the noid. Look, why can't we, first of all, if a guy really kills himself and he's got a good reason for it, I don't know why we gotta be like, oh he lost his battle with depression, why can't it just be like, uh, you know, he manned up and he do what had to be done like that's

How we should talk some suicides should be talked about like that? Talked about like that like the one where like a guy loses his wife and his kids all his kids are trans And he's you know his boat gets repossessed and he just takes out a revolver any fucking pumps one of them Why would that be a good reason? Cuz it's over what else you gonna fucking do just anything whatever you were gonna do anyway He moved into his dad divorce apartment. He's looking around his bare walls. He's got no pictures on the fucking walls He's like there's nothing else going on And he's fucking just fucking blows his head off you go

Triumphant spirit the triumphant spirit of mankind perseveres again. That's how I would say it is well Why don't you why don't you just start your own? I don't know Yeah That they killed themselves, okay, well, what do you call it fucking? Uh, what fucking the actor guy Robin Williams? Why is that be like, oh, it's so sad. He killed himself Why can't it be like the genie realized they were never gonna make another good Aladdin? So he just fucking was done He's done. Yeah, like a joke man realized he made all the good movies He would ever make and they didn't want to fuck around anymore

Like I think why does it gotta be a a bad thing I guess it's gotta be so fucking sad it's horrible he's gonna die eventually isn't it better to just be like fuck it you know there's nothing going on like this terminal reddit ism that you have where it's you're gonna die anyway so why not now like what do you mean why not now I don't know basic logic and science what do you mean what science have to do with that what do you mean science I'm saying okay oh let's say I live another 40 years what am I gonna do what you'll have to lose weight if you're gonna lose another 40 years

okay but let's say I do okay I lose the weight I get really healthy I'm jacked I live to be 90 yeah what happens I mean just normal life stuff. What do you mean? Whatever? Okay, well I already did a bunch of normal life stuff is there am I gonna see a different cool thing like hey look at that thing I didn't see that thing before I can look at a picture of that thing now a Picture it's a pair of doing anything. I'll watch a video of the pyramids look how you do very cool oh you end up you end up like James Cameron and you got to invent all this new bullshit to care about you I care about whales I got a pioneer all this new technology for making movies and then there's another guy who probably had just as much capability and talent and drive as James Cameron said I

just don't get you know is that you You're the one? You're the James Cameron? The hidden James Cameron? I'm done. Who cares? Who cares? It just sounds like a cop-out cuz your comic is late all of this like nothing matters I'm gonna die anyway just sounds like a cop-out Well, I mean let's be clear life is a series of distractions, and I've managed to keep myself very distracted. For you, your life is a series of distractions! That's not everybody's experience! You wake up and you go, what am I doing? What am I doing now? And you go, oh, I'm in- I'm vetoes in comic book phase. This is the phase of my life where I'm distracted by comic books and other associated bullshit.

And then eventually that phase comes to an end and either a I come up with a new thing to be distracted by or B I blow my brains out cuz who cares like you know Right now I'm into cats and comic books. Okay keeps me going those are those are the things but if you run out of things I honestly I think you should just become a homosexual I Think I've done that already. I know I mean all the way like I think I think you should just become a homosexual. I think I've done that already. No, I mean all the way. Like I think that the attitude that you're displaying right now,

like this nothing matters shit, I think that would be more endearing coming from a full blown flaming homosexual, rather than a- Yeah, but those guys have gay sex to keep them going. You can be distracted by gay sex for a long time. That is exactly why I'm saying it. You sound like you need something like poppers and continuous gay sex to be, to interest

you. That's why I'm saying... In a way, the suicide rate among the trans community almost doesn't make sense because you're like, why aren't you just having weird, crazy trans sex all the time? That would keep you staying for a while. Because they're on like, erection killing medicine and they're all, they don't fucking have any clue who they are or who they're fucking is. It's all, it's too exhausting mentally. Gay men are just like, I'm here, I'm queer, I want to steer my dick in your ass.

That is a very simple life. You know, it's fun. It's got purpose. I want to know if the suicide rate among gay people? What are you googling something or lower? I'm asking chat GPT I would imagine it's higher due to societal like Among gay men yeah, yeah, well this is among gay and LGBTQ Individuals now you got to search gay men only that other yeah cuz well cuz it says 35% of gay youths considered suicide because they're not fucking yet But once you get past being a gay wait wait wait is that more than normal youths? And says it says more it says it's it's it's more than normal. I guess

Military personnel lesbian gay and bisexual service members had what we can use about our alright alright 2.3 times higher odds of suicide ideation compared to heterosexual service members All right, but you're not you're not in the army and you're not a teenager so that shit doesn't matter Yeah, I'm wondering if gay guys are probably like this is great I can love it I want yeah You should just be time become gay for like a year and try get distracted by being gay. Try it out. You're saying go real horny with it.

Just become gay and see if you get distracted by it. That's it. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. I mean, science and logic is on my side. Science and logic is on your side. I think if I recommitted my life to just, you know, having wild sexual encounters. Yeah, I think I could last that out until the end of a human lifespan.

I get it, I get that. See? I knew it! I knew it! There's a lot of stuff that you can get invested in to make your time on earth like you got something to do So maybe that's what maybe what that's what the articles you say John Brankus ran out of stuff to do there That's okay. All right. That's he ran out of stuff to do all right great He didn't have any other good ideas from a guy Didn't want to do gay stuff. He didn't want to do gay stuff. So he just ended up here's my here's my problem is artificial launch days

Yeah, yeah, the switch the switch to is out. Maybe just launch days the switch to is I kind of regret that I didn't go. Oh I was gonna just have guys who line up to get video game consoles. Yeah as the problem. I Haven't done it since the original switch. I did that was like eight years ago who line up to get video game consoles as the problem. I haven't done it since the original Switch. That was like eight years ago. It's pointless. It's stupid.

It is pointless, yeah. There's no games on that shit. Well now it's especially pointless. I don't know why anyone is excited for the Switch 2. It's like you can just wait until yeah there's games for it. Yeah. I didn't even know it was coming out. But then I got a bunch of calls and says out and I'm like fuck now

I want one like I why to do what I don't know, but I was there a new Mario Kart at least I think there's a new Mario. There's a new Mario Kart, and you could be a UFO I Don't think that's worth like 600 bucks though, but maybe it is I don't maybe it is But maybe it is I don't maybe it is I don't know I didn't play don't have ones I don't want to kill myself, so I might as well buy the new The picture of boogies fat ass waiting in line. That's what switch to that's what just made me hate the whole thing I'm like look at this piece of can't look at this piece of shit line He brought a kid he brought a camping chair and nobody else did Spilling over the sides of the camping chair you're like boogie bro like come on man you deserve you deserve to sit on

the ground they should have a no chair policy at those no chairs you have to have you ever have you ever waited in line and done like a midnight release of a video game thing no I haven't I did it a couple of times. It was always to try and flip it. First time was for the Nintendo Wii. And we were really shitty high schoolers, me and my buddies. So we all lined up to get a way. I have enough money for the Wii. We're definitely going to flip it.

OK. And we got we were in the the target and the Best Buy right next to each other. So we were in the target line and the Best Buy line was right next to us. And the Target got way more wheeze than the Best Buy. So after we got our wheeze from the Target, we went over the Best Buy line. We're like, you're not going to get one. And then a very angry old man gave me $100. He's like, God damn it. And he was like really pissed that he wasn't going to get one because he had to get it

for his grand kid or something. He's like, God damn it. And he was like really pissed that he wasn't going to get one because he had to get it for his like grand kid or something. I'm like, 100 bucks. Just give me an extra hundred bucks. And Sierra's like, all right, you little fucker. And he bought the Wii on me. So I made 100 bucks. That was fun. It's that they it's that they have this like midnight release shit where it's like, oh, it's midnight Eastern time. Now they're available, but they have all this shit in the back. Just sell it. Just stop making it a whole day. So-

You can't break street date, dick. It's all, all of that is annoying. They have, they're making the things in China, they're rolling off the conveyor belt, just start sending them to people, you know? Don't let it all back up and then make some big deal where a bunch of fat retards are lining up to wait for a arbitrary time to purchase this shitty,

this stupid console that has no games. Just, you know, let the pressure cooker valve off. Let people buy it when it comes out. Stop cock teasing. Stop marketing. Stop using us as statistics at every single point in our lives. Look at like, oh wow, look at this launch.

Launch day, all these pieces of shit were lined up all around the country. On launch day, we sold 10 million, 20 billion units, right? Cause we made everybody wait outside around Boogie without chairs to line up for shit that we've had for weeks now, you know? Right. Just let it out, you know, like a sandwich.

You go to McDonald's, like, I'd like a sandwich right now, please. Thanks, here's the money But then some people will get it early and it's not isn't that horrible? Yeah They gotta all get it at the same time. No fuck it. We can some people get it early Maybe you'll get it early, but just do it. No more of this cock teasing shit. It's artificial. That was my point Well, I well, yeah, obviously it's a it's a hype building exercise Is to yeah, you want to show the the crowd waiting in line, you know, they do it for like that

These do for the new phones I don't know if they do that anymore lining up for the new iPhone or whatever else that was There's boogie. Yeah, he looks so shitty in that picture You're like bro. What are you doing here? shitty in that picture Like bro. What are you doing here? Piece of shit look at this fucking look at this fucking piece of shit right here boogie Whoops I Guess you hang out honestly. I was thinking I was like man

I should just went hung out in the parking lot with a with a trunk full of video game consoles try to sell them to everybody In line I could have made some money. Yeah So you're telling me this is, if this is where the, if this is where the- This is a sad line, by the way. This is a sad line. This is sadness and failure.

Well, you know what else is like really sad about this is like, I feel like the average age of the console liner upper was like, you know, guys in their twenties, early thirties or whatever.s or whatever now but now like the new generation has come along and they're like well I can just play fortnight I can play Marvel rivals I don't really need a switch too so if you look at his line it's all just old fat bald guys like me going I gotta buy the new Nintendo thing because I always buy the new Nintendo I gotta buy too so I can flip one and make my money back Yeah, right. Well everybody dude. I've seen so many people buying this who are going. I don't know why I bought it

I just had to buy it because it's the new Nintendo thing. It doesn't even have any games yet And I know they fucked us over they condition your weirdly brain poisoned. Yeah sucks. I hate it. They shouldn't be allowed to do it This has never made any sense hate it. They shouldn't be allowed to do it. This has never made any sense. Console launches are usually terrible. I mean, the last switch, Zelda came out day one, so that made sense. You're like, ah, new Zelda. Yeah, new Zelda is great.

And also the switch at the time was we're reaching this point. I thought about this the other day, where like there's no new thing. What do you mean? So the switch to Wacom, the switch came out. You're like, oh, my God, it's a portable console that can also hook up to the TV. You didn't have that before. Yeah, it's great.

And it's like a party thing. Oh, your friends, you can take the controllers, you can take them off. No one has ever used that feature for more than two seconds, but you can do it. And now you go, well, here's the Switch 2, and you're like, oh, cool. No, kids use it.

Kids use it all the time, because they can't play on the TV. So we gotta all get around the tiny fucking thing. But now you got the switch 2 and you go, so what's it do? Like what's the new thing? And you go, I don't think it has one necessarily. I think it's just the thing you already had. There's nothing new or novel about it that you need to get one. And that's what we're reaching with all technology.

It's the same as the flat rectangle problem. And you go, what's new about this phone? Yeah, flatter. Oh, cool. Does it do anything new? You can't plug headphones into this one. That's what's actually where it is. But we invented a new thing. We've reached a point where instead of coming up,

it used to be when you invented a product, you invented a thing that didn't exist yet that people would want to use. Right. Now you invent inferior versions of a thing that already exists and try desperately to convince people they're better than what you had before. Like, do you use wireless earbuds at all? I don't know, the camera on the new phone

is better than the old one. Camera's way better. Sure, the camera's better. But I'm thinking about the wireless earbuds. Do you use wireless earbuds at all? All the time, constantly. And you like that. You find that superior to having just a pair of headphones.

Oh yeah, that plug is bullshit. Plugging headphones in fucking sucks. That's crazy to me. I don't get it. It's like maybe marginally, I can understand some people finding it an improvement. You have a fucking Android. It's like maybe margin. I can understand some people find you have a fucking Android like that's like a piece of shit Like my Android it's it's trash now. It is not trash. It's a great fucking little That's got a great camera on it. It's got a better camera than the Apple have I doubt that I really don't think it does

I heard have you heard the the new Google phone? Can immediately detect Indian scammers and just tell them to go fuck themselves? I don't believe you no way everybody's telling me that the Google pixel if you get it You never get an Indian scam call ever again I don't know what it's doing. I don't that sounds like bullshit. That sounds like good I'm getting like 20 Indian scam call That's the old that's the only cell phone upgrade I want at this point is one that Gets an Indian scammer on the phone and with an AI voice keeps them there for 30 minutes thinking they're talking to an elderly white

Woman and they'll they realize they've wasted their time and then eventually bankrupts that entire industry. That's the only phone upgrade I want well thanks to you and it goes will be I don't know about Medicare and alright that's my problem what do you what do you got video game artificial launch day the line I remember I waited in line for a ps3 and I was there was this girl and I was really I really had a crush on the girl in the ps3 line And I wish I'd I wish I had kept in touch with her Was kept in touch with her. What do you mean? So the p.r.l in a line Yeah, yeah, how'd because did you know her no, but we had to wait in line

We waited in line two nights. Oh my for the ps3 okay, so we became like an enclave I was gonna write a whole article about it back then I never did but I did take a tape recorder And I was recording my thoughts during my two days waiting for the ps3 You like a fucking high fidelity over here. It was like it was like day. Yeah, I was yeah I want I think I might still have those my ass hurts Somebody's thing well day two oh that was me Captain slug 830 in the morning Honestly, I think I think I could write a movie about the the wait in line for the ps3 like we became like a band

Everybody it was like such an interesting group. There was like a bad brother like band of loose Yeah, yeah, it was like band of guy. It was like Band of Losers. Yeah, yeah. It was like Band of Brothers. It was like everybody had their own character trait. There was like a black guy who was like, I just can't wait to play that new Madden, man. I'm gonna get that new Madden to go be fucking hot. And there was like a sad divorced dad who had brought his daughter with him. And that was like their father bonding experiences, waiting in line two days for the fucking PS3 What did she get out of it?

She got well I was hitting on her. I think she was like 17 or whatever I was seven I was a high school kid as well, so I was like hey We should take a walk we should walk around I was hanging out I was trying to get in with the we had a good time She's trying to finger-bang her in line for a PS3 I wish I'd if I had finger-bed that girl in line for the PS3. That would have been the quintessential healing experience. Let's go to the Wendy's and get a Frosty and I'll finger bang you in the weird atrium

that every Wendy's had. I was a little too unsure of myself. I wasn't confident back then. Here's the worst part though, Band of Brothers, and this is true, there was like 10 of us or like ride or die. We're getting a ps3 boys ride or die We're getting one yeah, and then the day comes we've been waiting in line two days and they go we only got four of them And so all of a sudden the end fighting comes in is like I was here first It's like no I was definitely ahead of you you did not show up on day one So you left the line to go get a sandwich that means you reset

And then the end of that girl That's brutal and the Walmart and the Walmart yelled at us for Unplugging their soda machine and plugging in a TV and a dreamcast and yeah, we were watching DVDs and shit man It was a good time. It was a good. That was there. That was some real camping experience. I can't get that anymore. Roughly. What's your problem? My problem is where's my notes? My prom deck, you go to establishment.

You're like, I can't wait to peruse this business. I can't wait to peruse this business I can't wait to reward this American business by purchasing goods and services You get up to the counter you go. Let me get one of those Root beer floats because that sounds good to me Hand them your credit card and she just silently points at the sign behind her Say cash only bro What the fuck are we doing? I was done at store like Only points at the sign behind her. What does that sign say? bro What the fuck are we doing? I was at a donut store like two days ago Seems like you're always at a donut store. I know I am I was at another donut store after my therapy my jaw therapy

And I had this This fuck this Asian bitch this old Chinese lady, or whatever, Cambodian lady, she was all pissed off already watching one of her Asian soap operas on like volume 100. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! And then there's a Pachanga commercial after it, or a Monrovia, Umavai.

I had her get all the donuts, she put them all in a bag, and then I hand her my card, and she goes, ah! Ah! And pointed at the sign. Ah, ah, ah, ah! I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, is it cash only? She goes, ay, ay, ay, ah!

Pointed at the sign, I'm like, what the fuck? She pointed at the sign as if to say like, yeah dummy right here and then she pointed at another sign behind her and I'm like, you know, um, you're gonna need a way, you're gonna need a way bigger sign than that. This isn't like, you don't live in a world where it's maybe cash, you don't live in a world where it's maybe credit card. Kids on the subway selling bottles of water take credit card a fucking valet takes credit card I'm deaf. It's never not an I a time okay. This is a you time. This is a you fuck up

Yeah So I didn't get any donuts she had to put them all back Yes, you know you didn't have any cash with you No, you can do where the hell would I have cash cash with you? No. There's nothing you could do? Where the hell would I have cash from? Well, you bring up a good point. Who wants to carry cash around? It's the worst thing in the world.

And then whatever cash you have, let's be clear, I hate having to give cash in an establishment that could just have a credit card reader because I go, that's cash I could use when I actually need it. When I'm in a street taco situation, I go, I understand why this gentleman doesn't have a credit card reader. Yeah. He's just some dude cutting meat

off a spit in the middle of the road. Yeah. I need that cash for that. I don't need that cash for in here. That's the worst part is that they're like, it'll be like the longest running businesses. I think it gives them the excuse. So this was me and a buddy.

He was like, let's get some ice cream or something. My ankle. So I took him to this ice cream parlor and it's one of the ones that goes, Oh, since 1928, we've been making our own saltwater taffy. And I'm like, so that's just I know to you, that sounds like, hey, we only take cash because it's quaint and old timey. But to me, it sounds like you've spent the last 90 years being a bad business like hey we don't we only take cash because it's quaint and old-timey but to me it sounds like you've spent the last 90 years being a bad business and

dicking around and not figuring out how to... Yeah, or like you're hiding it or you're just laundering it or you're not reporting it. Well that's the other thing. You're obviously cooking the books, you're taking the cash. The only time I want to give cash I go to that frankincense to buy magic cards And they go, how much are the magic cards? I go, this much. I go, what's the cash price? And the guy rubs his hands together and we both understand the nature of the transaction He's not gonna report it, free money, whatever

Okay, I get the cash price when it comes to, you know, illicit deals But what I'm buying, a fucking root beer float, just take credit cards, not that hard. Obviously the reasons people are going, or businesses refuse to take credit cards are the processing fees of 1.5 to 3.5% per transaction. What I don't understand is if that's really sticking your craw, whenever I go to a place and they go, hey, it's an extra 50 cents,

use your credit card, I don't care. That's fine to me. No. I hate that at all when they charge you extra It's like well, it's like an exorbitant fee if it's like an insane fee. No. I don't want any fee I'm not I'm not getting penalized for number one saving everybody time by using the card and number two, not carrying around a wad of cash like I'm a gangster. I don't wanna be penalized for that at all. It should actually cost less. I know that there are fees involved,

but my convenience at not having to carry around cash should be reflected in a cheaper price for me, not a penalty. There should be rewards, absolutely. I mean, thankfully when I use my credit card, I do get rewards, and that's what they're trying to get me on. This claims that speed and simplicity, cash is immediate. The speed of me tapping the screen with the thing seems a lot easier than you,

some old lady dealing out nickels trying to get you exact change banks Obviously people trying to avoid tax costs Can be one of the problems reasons and cultural norms in some neighborhoods or countries cash is dominant especially among older populations In certain cities, you know, you know, it's cash only, man. That's the way it is. It's like, yeah, I know, because you're all underreporting your taxes. As of 2023, around 10 to 15 percent of small businesses in the U.S.

are still cash only, which is too many. I think Trump needs to pass a law. 10 percent to 15 percent. So that's one in 10 businesses. That's a lot. That's a lot too many. I think I That's a lot Yeah, that's a lot Too many I think- I think Trump's gotta step in and go Let's- let's be clear

If DOGUE's trying to get as much tax money as we can out of people How do you think it's pronounced DOGUE? We gotta mandate the credit cards How- after all this shit that's been on the news And like every piece of media How the fuck- how do you think it's pronounced DOGUE? It's pronounced DOGUE Look at that DOGUE Yeah, how do you think it's pronounced dog it's pronounced dog look at that yeah how do you think that because doge is

retarded but that's what it's oh that's what it is doge that's the name doesn't have to be whatever I want it to be no words can't be whatever you want them to be there it's a regional it's a regional dialect that's how we pronounce it in the Massachusetts because I will say dog I go look at that dog over there yeah but the thing is not dog it's doge even if it's stupid it's got a picture of a dog on the coin you can't tell me not to pronounce it dog look at that dog that's a good old dog on that coin there yeah, all right Let's see 59% of Americans still carry cash and around 20% consumers prefer cash for small purchases I don't get that at all. No that's false

I love buying like a like a 50 cent thing and knowing they're gonna have to swallow those credit card fees and get off on it Cash only businesses may lose sales guys study suggests up to 40 percent of consumers avoid cash only places It's always like these hip like these hipsters go like you got to try this new place They make like an artisan noodle sandwich or whatever you're like, ah, cool They all try it and then like for some reason they only know fuck off. I'm out We got a I think I think yeah There's a certain group of people who think being cash only is like cool and like like kind of roguish or whatever and it's like no Stupid yeah, take credit cards. Just put the swiper on your fucking phone. It's not fun. I see yeah

I see you have a phone there. Just put the thing on your phone And you can get those things anywhere, and there's no excuse at this point It used to be I could understand you got to get a credit card reader What now you just get a fine square up with their email. It's easy. Yeah, it takes nothing That's a good problem only cash only businesses Put them out of business again. They're one of the reasons. I'm running out of stuff to do and hopefully I will All right, I brought it in to, I brought in this This thing

apparently Apparently a woman made a video about me. I did not hear about this you know about this You know about this? No, no. Ethan Van Sciver says, this video debunks Dick Masterson's tweet about Nerd-Roddick's ghost written and bot farmed Rich's Rip-A-Send memoir Big Time. Can I do the thing again where I think some context would be helpful to our listeners? So last episode we talked about the fact that neurotic is making a book Yeah, which will be published by represent is called from prison to YouTube the story of a big fucking baby EF slur

It's our lose the story of a guy who sold meth to kids Story of selling mess to kids selling something much worse Now you did a little bit of your classic dick fuck my classic seconds of research my classic ten fucking seconds of research don't downplay it you're an expert detective you looked into this memoir being written by Gary nerd Radek yeah yeah discovered certain information it let me find the name of it it is the name of the service the name of the website yeah

yeah trying to find can't just look at your tweets I don't know where it is now it's like legacy something push press legacy days with the day after the show dick who is an expert level Detective he did a lot of sleuthing there you are wait say that again test one one two hello Yeah, yeah, fuck. Where is the stupid thing you did some expert legacy launch pad? Publishing here it is Like a launch pad and you discovered that perhaps this may not have been written by Gary Nerdradic.

Now you're like- It may have been- No, no, no, no, no, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. Um, this is, this is the, this is the company that published Nerdradic's book. This is the company that's, uh, that's credited with, uh, with publishing the book, Legacy Launchpad Publishing. So this is, and this woman that Ethan Van Sciver is tweeting that made a video about me, I haven't watched it yet. Maybe we could watch it here, but I don't know. We'll watch it if it's interesting. Here's how it works, okay? If you're a writer, if you're a writer and you write a book, all the big publishers...

Like me. Yeah. Not like you, like me. The big publishers say, all right, this person's a good writer, we want to get this book out to the people. There's nothing to do with you. When you do that, you will find very quickly that everybody wants, for some reason, because I've got a book published that I wrote by a big publisher, for some reason, because I've got a book published that I wrote

by a big publisher, for some reason, everybody is more fixated on wanting that than like the Willy Wonka golden ticket. Like that is getting a book published by a publishing company for whatever reason is the ultimate form of validation on the face of the fucking planet. More than like being married to some supermodel, hot woman.

More than having won the Stanley Cup. More than anything. The raw envy. For who? For authors? For white people? Anybody. Anybody. That's the weirdest thing. It's anybody. They want to be published.

All they want is for them to be deemed worthy. Anybody wants is for them to be deemed worthy by people who are paid to scout for talent and stories and writers. For one of those people who are professionals at this to look at them and say, you are a good enough writer to do this, or more importantly, your story a good enough writer to do this, or you're more importantly, your story is good enough for us to take and publish. And they could do that in a couple ways. They'll say, you write it, we'll edit it. But writing's very difficult.

So a lot of times now, they'll say, you're a celebrity, or you're a celebrity so your life's interesting, you're a celebrity so you're famous celebrity so your life's interesting, you're a celebrity so you're famous so you have to have done something interesting in there because being a celebrity is interesting in and of itself or you've done something very strange and very weird and very remarkable so we want to tell your story or you're a statesman or a politician they will say we've got to tell your story we're going to do a real good job of it and we've got all these amazing writers that we've worked with over the years. We're gonna put, we're gonna give you a ghost writer.

They're gonna become friends with you. They're gonna shadow you. They're gonna talk to you all the time. And they're gonna love, they really are, they really are really good. This one's matched with you personally. They're really good at learning what you're all about. And they're gonna do the best job

and take the most care of your story and make it the best that it can be so we can publish it, right? Does that all make it the best that it can be so we can publish it. Right? Does that all make sense? Does that all make sense so far? This is the first season of BoJack Horseman. That's what I'm talking about. That's what a ghostwriter is.

Now, now, now, like everything, like everything in life, like everything in, like everything in America, like everything in capitalism, because people want it so bad, there are dirty underhanded companies and people that come along and say, you know what, we can get we can tap into this sick narcissistic need that people have to be validated and appear as though they were wanted by a publishing company to tell their story.

We can trick people into thinking that their story is worth something, that they themselves are worth something, and that they're there and validate them. And these people, and we'll charge them for it. We'll say, your story is great. And these people, and we'll charge them for it. We'll say, your story's great. We'll act just like the big publishers. We'll say, we wanna tell your story,

but to do it, you need to pay us $50,000. For all the trouble that we're putting out. The real publishers, the real ghost writers, the real actual publishing people, they don't do that. They don't charge, they charge you out of your, yeah, they give you money in advance for your trouble. They give you an advance, and then they deduct it. It goes against your advance if they need to.

Out of your profits, because they know you're good. But the scam artists, they charge you up front and say, this is gonna change your life. And that's why, let me see, they say- they say things like, This- this- writing this book- That's a- that's a hook right there. This is a better log line than anything the, uh, Riververse has ever written. Writing this book, getting this book, telling your story, is gonna change- change your life!

Hold on, now this is exciting. The real publishers do not say that! is something that's that scam or to say Hold on. It's a good pitch. I would like my life to change so that was that's and these people are called the dark the scammy the The the predatory press is a common term's called vanity press. It's called vanity press. It's not ghost, the ghost writing is unconstitutional. Well, vanity press is, you know, publish any book. This is even more insidious where it's vanity press

with a ghost writer that you're paying to write your story. You pay them. You pay them. You pay them. And the reason you do it is because they have a hard sell like this, let's change your life with a book, right? And this is what this is what nerd Radek is doing. Hey, I work for reading rainbow that hook Propelled eight seasons. So what hook why not? Let's change your life with a book. That was the reading rainbow

I mean, it's like kind of what he was the basic theme of the show. I believe yeah, but they didn't call it job He didn't say it specifically. Look at this shit. Take a look in a book. Tell us your story will build your legacy. Well, what's interesting is that she has, yeah, it looks success stories. Let's see.

These are people who- Success stories. Real estate investor and life coach. That's somebody whose book I need right now. Activist, right? Jason Korman, CEO and co-founder of the Gapin' Void. Five star reviews for paying money to somebody who write their book. Where will your book take you?

Become a rock star. This is not something that legitimate publishing agencies or companies say become a rock star this book will change your life where will this book take you okay hold on come the number one authority in your field this is a good scam it's a good scam it's a fucking it's the most obvious scam in the world like unless you're fucking retarded this is like getting your degree in criminal psychology from American Correspondence College of American Samoa and then you get to go on fucking court TV and go, well I am a criminal psychologist.

You get TV appearances. If you have a book to go along with you, I actually wrote a book called How to Stop Criminals from Doing Criminal Stuff. Yeah. And you know, then you get to go on all the TV shows hit the red carpet look at what you look at what you can get for the low cost of $100,000 you can get on you can be featured on TV you can get on stages you can get on stage hit well bestseller list you can be written about look I mean just a Matt look at the sickness look at the level of sickness that this would appeal to Hit the red carpet big get on stages get on podcasts. Oh, holy shit. I can get on podcasts

All right get started a lot of a lot of this stuff is about how good a liar you are And it's it is a good opening email you had love to be on your podcast I wrote the award-winning book from prison to YouTube I'd love to be on your podcast that no one listens to. I'd love to be on your podcast. Yeah I'd love to be on your show that nobody listens to here's a book that nobody read with with Amazon reviews that were included with the purchase of my book. That's the best part about best-selling books is nobody's read any of them. So like most best-selling books I think they say like have sold like 1500 copies.

You can get in the New York Times bestseller list now. Yeah. So it is like yeah. Well the bestseller list is just it's something it's they pick it. There's no like it's not it's not numbered space. It's the who's who of among high school students. It's not not numbered space. It's somewhat numbered space, but it's not completely numbered space. This is scam red flag number, you know, 50 million.

He's got to do a Ted X talk. Wow. This is something that you'll often see in scams is an application to work with the people as though to somehow imply that they say no ever right here's an application oh an application shit yeah this is I'm not anybody can not anybody can dollars yeah not anybody can fork over a hundred grand and have a book written about you know all those kids they sold meth to yeah yeah yeah

we can't just let that happen Make sure that you're the best kid meth seller Maybe not children. I don't know who he sold meth to he sold it to somebody who fucking cares I'm finding the I'm looking for the price of this shit Privacy services about... I do wanna mention though, so Dick puts this out on Twitter. He goes, hey, jackass, you didn't write a book. You're just paying these guys to write it for you.

Which I don't care about the ghost writing. I don't give a fuck because I really don't think people should be doing things that they haven't done for their entire lives, especially art. I don't think people should be doing things that they haven't done for their entire lives. Especially art. I don't care about ghost writing. Yeah. What is funny- Not comics though. Anybody can make those. But go ahead.

Yeah. What's funny is that Nerdradic paid for this service from a company that is just churning out trash to get you put on like morning talk shows to be the authority in like the tri-state area realty group. Like I'm the number one realtor, hey I'm here to talk to you today about do you own a home that's too big for you and other sorts of trash. Well, because all these guys who suck and are not naturally good at anything. Yeah. Other than stirring up outrage. They all want to be on TV. Yeah. Every one of these Friday night tights guys who complains all day about I hate TV and I hate movies or whatever else. If you told them, hey, I could get you on the movie set of that new

DC thing and you get here's a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah. Yeah, they go. Oh my god Oh, I got a big I do it. I gotta get that like It's been the one that's what happened with daily wire is it's a bunch of guys sitting around going man We're so tired all this what we hate Hollywood I fucking hate Hollywood and then they're like oh come to our red carpet premiere. Oh look at all the books we wrote And then they're like, oh come to our red carpet premiere. Oh look at all the books. We wrote Like you guys just want it and you can't admit that you want it and what nerd erotic I assume wants is he wants to be the guy that when uh I mean you see he's been on with a Piers Morgan a couple times for some fucking yeah

Yeah, he wants to be the guy that they call up when they go we We have our YouTube expert here, the author of From Prison to YouTube. Uh huh. Let's be clear, he's putting YouTube in the title of the book for a very obvious reason is so now anytime you go, oh, he must be a YouTube expert. He has a book with the word YouTube in it. So he can go on these talking head news shows and he goes, well, what I've experienced on

YouTube and again, I am the writer of From prison to YouTube is a the thing about culture and what all of a sudden his opinions are coming Because because now he goes he goes on those shows and they go here's Gary from the YouTube channel nerd Radek You go yeah, who's this retard bullshit, but now he's coming in best-selling author Yeah, exactly he's an expert in the field! And that is like this fake expertise. And it would have been so easy It would have been so easy to just like genuinely hire a writer who believed in your story, who knew about it, and who could craft it into a book and not go to this vanity,

Slop house, Slop Factory. Well, but that's the that's the thing. The book does not exist for anyone to ever read it. Yeah, that's not the point of the book. The book exists so that when he's emailing with fucking Fox News or Daily Wire or whatever else, he can go, Hey, I'd love to appear as a panelist on your show I do have a book about you I don't know what I don't know

Somebody to write a book and then get a bunch of like fake Amazon reviews Included with my my book buying package. It's all legit The two rounds look at this for anyone to read it two rounds of revision nice. That's what I mean That's all you need all packages all packages get me two rounds. Yeah Distribution to Amazon which of course is like that's some part. That's very hard to get a book on Amazon I don't know how you create an Amazon author page Yeah, where the you're missing wait wait right below the one you had highlighted, and this is great Amazon reviews I heard it review squad con

What does that say review squad coordination? coordination done for you. You know, because look, again, no one is ever going to actually read the book. But when on the off chance that the guy from American News Network wants to check your credentials, he goes to the Amazon page and it goes, you know, I wanted a guy who knew a lot about YouTube. And thankfully this guy knows a lot about YouTube and prison. You could even interview him about prison stuff too. He's a twofer. If you need a prison expert, well when I was in there.

Wow, man, that's great. A dedicated book website, bro. I mean, this is like- That's the premium package, Dick. Hold on, not everyone can afford that. That's big. This is what it is. I've been able to get a TED Talk,

get on shows like Today and The Doctors and into the New York Times. That's it. I despise this process of fake credentialism. Like this is the meritocracy right here. This is what Michael Young meant. This is what Michael Young meant. This is what it actually means. It's buying the kind of clout and validation and authority that comes from actually writing

a real book and doing it the real way and not being a realtor or a fucking CEO of Iron Tech Security. Here's what's fucking hilarious. Here's what's hilarious about these testimonials is you're never gonna find a guy who goes, I'm just so glad I got to tell a great story. Yeah, exactly. That's not it. It's guys, do you know I got to go on the Today Show?

I got to be on the red carpet. I got to be on the red carpet. I saw Chris Pratt for two seconds. Like nothing about it is I really wanted to make a book because I like books and I want to tell a great story. It's look at all this shit I got from making a book. The book is just a stepping stone to the bullshit glad handing red carpet red carpet jerk-off session, that is what they actually want. They don't want to write a good book.

That doesn't matter to them at all. It's, well, if I got the book, look at all this. I got a TED Talk. Now that's real shit, because a TED Talk, I can sell stuff. A book, eh. It's endless fucking trash, man, from the people who built whatever careers on

Non-stop criticism This is the lowest This is the lowest form of art that you can be engaged in pure slop Generated in an it's just crazy. I'll play this they are about it Yeah, it's crazy how blatant they are about going. Again, it doesn't say, hey, we're gonna help you make a great book. It says, you know how many opportunities this will open up?

Shouldn't the book be the opportunity? What do you mean? Open up opportunity? Don't you wanna make a great book? Isn't the opportunity to make books? No, it gets you somewhere else. It's like, Eric, you lie. Hey, I can make this comic,

but you know, what comes after the comic? Yeah, I don't know maybe make more comics Yeah, that's fine. But like what if I made like a like a live-action trailer? You know that would be crazy Okay, maybe maybe I can make a video game. Maybe I can make a fucking a Cartoon you're like maybe focus on making a fucking comic first Systems apply to me because again. I'm a jack-of-all of all trades wonderkin, but to other people I understand Okay, here's what this woman said. Oh Here youtuber pays a hundred thousand for a ghost written memoir. So this is the video that I don't know

Who's this lady? Who is this? Tits McGee here. She's a ghostwriter, I guess so she writes it she writes the books Yeah, let's see what she has to say after all that after all that complaining Let's see what she has to say after all that after all that complaining Let's see what she has to say about it to a certain level of success on the internet gets their haters These are people who spend their entire lives Trolling about you looking at every piece of content you make and they can't wait to find out that you've made a mistake or better Yet if you've been Scammed this brings a type. No, actually the best would be if you've been scammed, this brings a type of- No, actually, the best would be if you've been killed.

That's what I would really- that would be the best, not scam. Is there any way to jack her volume up a tiny bit? Uh, let me see. If not, it might be okay. Can you not hear it? She sounds a little lower than you, I'd say, so. Uh, okay, let me see. Yeah, you're right.

Bumper up a little bit. No, she's just' low. Let me see if I can crank her up here. You need a volume boost. Look up volume booster extension for Chrome. Uhhhh, okay. It would be hell, everyone's saying, I can't hear it, but I mean, I could turn my speakers up. They're saying it's fine? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhh, everybody okay with the volume? I'll just could turn my speakers saying it's fine

Everybody okay with the volume. I'll just turn on my speakers videos better watch with the volume off I can put on the volume extension thing hold on yeah, do it. Just do it quick. I'd both call lately volume booster Okay Volume booster Add it to brave Don't add it to brave are using brave I think so There's a little musical notes here. You just click this the speaker. Oh Shit, where does it go now? That's how I think I don't know What the fuck?

Mine's in my toolbar. It's a little orange thing Yeah, that made it way louder. So turn it down now turn it down. Is that good? Turn it down a little more Now I'm turning now. It's back off. What are you talking about? All right, then put it up a tiny bit. Now it's turned off. All right now you're good. Is that good? All right, then put it up a tiny bit now. It's turned off. All right now. You're good. Is that good? Sure, yeah, no. No. Yeah sure me is that good? I've installed this fucking plug-in for you turn it up like a notch turn it one more notch. Okay? Yeah, okay? Now do it. That's good. That's good

Yeah, look at how pissed off and horny this woman is for me Because I was saying such horrible things about ghost riders So I know how it works they they're there they're they like become the person there stay stay friends with them forever All right a relationship Anybody who makes it to a certain level sure that sounds good sounds like now turn it down now. It's blown out. Oh Jeez Louise Little gets that their haters these are people who spend their entire lives That's good. That's good. Yeah, you can adjust the regular volume now. Yeah, no

I'm sure you don't have to keep going back to the volume booster. That will also adjust the volume. I don't know how it works. It's my first time using it. I don't like to use things on the fly. Just hit play and I'll tell you if it's good. All right. Anybody who makes it to a certain level of success on the internet. Perfect. Gets their haters.

These are people who spend their entire lives trolling social media, looking at every piece of content you make, and they can't wait to find out that you've made a mistake. Or better yet, if you've been scammed. This brings a type of orgasmic joy to the hater's heart. Yeah, it's great. Just the guy that I hate. Yeah, because now everyone can see that you're stupid.

Like, I could see all the time. Now everyone can see it. Like, aha! Got you. I got you, you fuck. That's why it's great. He got screwed, and I'm gonna crow about it, because I'm much too smart to have been screwed the way he was in the Nobody else wants to make a fucking ghost-written book you dumb bitch. It's not that Marriott oh if I was smart I would get taken in by this ghost writing book I don't want to give a TED talk you dumb cunt. Yeah, that's why Christ Yeah, if these tits were brains right I understand that just because I complain about media on the internet doesn't mean I'm suddenly a special and

delightful individual who needs to go on the view or the talk or whatever about what a fucking expert I am I don't need validation that's why I didn't get scammed not being smart. No. Alright, here we go. Nerd Radek, aka Gary Buchler, very German name. He is a pop culture critic who focuses primarily on the dumpster fire that is Disney and basically the general slump that Hollywood has been churning out. In the process of becoming a very famous YouTuber, I think he's more

than a million strong now, he's collected a few haters. And one of them this last week got wind of the fact that apparently Nerd-Rodic was scammed by a vanity publisher, which being the Nonsense Free Editor and Ghostwriter extraordinaire, that caught my attention. How could it possibly be that someone at this level of success in their life got scammed by something as low rent as a vanity

Puzzle you know nerd Roddick Vanity publisher to write this masturbatory Prison to YouTube memoir by the way, that's a good sentence bitch since yeah, that's good right? I s bn. I don't know why she's mocking it I'd love to see what she writes. This is just solid writing. Yeah They interview you for 15 hours and then pump out some dogshit memoir scare quotes. Yeah, for a hundred thousand dollars fake Amazon reviews included, okay That's all accurate everything I said

We organized the Amazon review squad do you think the Amazon route strong goes well hold on I'm really gonna put this book through its paces. It was really only a three out of five I gotta say no with fake fucking reviews that say this guy wrote a genius book It's a scam on the fucking audience is this game. You're shit. That's literally a scam It's a scam on the fucking audience. It's a scam. You know, that's literally a scam. Writing fake reviews is the fucking definition of a scam to go, I don't know if it's good, but I was told to write a review that said it's good.

That's a fucking scam. You dumb bitch. It's a fucking scam, dude. It's an obvious scam. This book, writing a book will change your life. That's a fucking scam. Hey, hey, these beans will change your life. What do you mean those beans will change my life?

Kid, trust me, these beans will change your life. What do you mean those beans will change my life kid trust me These beans will change just give me that cow right Let me let me also check like Were you saying he got scammed or that he is scamming he got scammed There's a little there's a little bit of both. No he well Yeah, he got scammed Yeah, he got scammed. He got scammed because... There's no reason to pay a Vanity Press.

There's no reason to pay. You can just pay anybody to do it. Pay the Ghostwriter directly. Pay a Ghostwriter like $10,000 to write your fucking retarded memoir. You don't need all that other shit. So it's a scam. Publishing a book is not that hard. Paying somebody to write a book for you is not that hard. No.

If you're paying $100,000 to get a shit memoir put together, yes, that is an idiot amount of money to spend on that. Yeah, you're paying to like get introduced to the Ted Talk people, so you can go give Ted Talks on your gay book about prison. I mean, this is Ripa, this is Ripa, it's the Ripa Send pitch where they go, we have, you know, all these special things.

Well, what do you have? We got a bunch of Koreans to write fake reviews for you. Well, I can fucking get that. What do you mean? That's not like a special thing only you have. Why would I want that? Why would I got a bunch of Koreans to write fake reviews for you. Well, I can fucking get that. What do you mean? That's not like a special thing only you have. Why would I want that? Why would I want a bunch of Indians writing reviews? We got a bunch of dumb white bitches

with rotting English degrees to write shitty memoirs. I can find one of those. Like, you're not doing anything special. That's the scam. You know, and by the way, I hate a lot of people. So I'm not online all day, like, obsessing about just one person. I have a lot of people that I hate that I gotta go one by one by one by one. I'm like Santa Claus of hate, right?

Yeah. Like, I'm not, don't flatter yourself. I'm not spending all day looking for your fuck-ups. I just happen to see a fuck-up from, you know, a thousand yards and I say, oh wow, a fuck-up. Look at that. Hey everybody, look at that. A fuckup, exactly like I thought there would be. Well, the big fuckup was that clearly there's a way to do this that it isn't immediately revealed

who you paid to ghostwrite the fucking thing, but instead he chose the bull, the dog shit, like D tier package. And now we get to pick it apart endlessly because he didn't hide who fucking wrote it. That's the stupidest thing he did. I Gotta hear more of this. YouTube memoir the ISBN is already on the cover. They interview you for 15 hours and then pump out some dogshit

Memoir scare quotes for a hundred thousand dollars. I'm not gonna lie if this girl was talking about stepping on my dick I'd watch it. Okay, I'm she's good. She's good at talking down to me. So, okay Yeah, you're confused. How is it you think that ghost written memoirs are created. That's the first thing not through any You know what? I'm gonna stop that price tag does seem really hefty. Yeah hundred thousand dollars Take your top off for a full-length memoir for I the nonsense free editor will charge anywhere between six and nine thousand dollars for a memoir Which is a hefty chug of change, but You know, it's not a hundred thousand dollars. So, so where's the money going? Gary? Did you get fleeced?

Did you? And if not, what was worth that price tag? Introduction to TED Talk people. What exactly is involved in memoir ghost writing? Oh, the fake Amazon reviews, which is where the $100,000 goes. That's what we're going to talk about today. Let's get started. Oh boy. Let's learn. Wait, she has a whole intro thing?

Yeah, made by a guy on fire. You can pay $5 for this. That's the point. You're going to pay for all this shit. I'm Kristin McKinnon, the Nonsense Free Editor here for your regular dose of writing and publishing wisdom. And this week we're gonna be talking about ghost writing. Specifically ghost writing nonfiction. Memoirs and informational nonfiction.

Okay. You, the successful person, decide that you know what, you just don't have time for this, and you're gonna hire someone to write you a nonfiction book. Hit those two diagonal arrows. What? What do you mean? Real quick. next to CC. Uh, that? Yep. Oh, okay. Whoa. All right. Or about some subject that you're an expert in. And then you're going to publish it under your name. I don't need to tell you that this is not

a new practice. We all know Hillary Clinton did not sit down and write all those books, and maybe Barack Obama did. They're famous, retard. That's the point. Yeah. Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton wrote a book. Gary's got a lot of time sitting around, like honestly, I think Gary could take time

to write his own shitty book. I don't think he can write, but, Everyone running for president writes a book. Everyone running for president writes a book. Then Hillary Clinton, yeah. Hillary Clinton has killed a lot of people think he's doing more shit than Hillary Clinton. Hillary Clinton has killed a lot of people. She didn't go to prison. She was busy drone striking.

It's a way more interesting memoir than I sit on the internet and complain about Star Wars all day. We don't know. By the way, they asked her to write that book. That's how you know you're not fucking up. That's how you know you're not fucking up! That's how you know you're not getting scammed, is when someone asks you to write it! Hillary Clinton didn't have to fill out the form. Hahahaha!

Oh, look at all the Amazon reviews! See if we have time for you! As a little bit something to do with the proliferation of AI models, people are starting to kind of dump on ghost writing as a whole again. In reference to the neurotic nonsense, this commenter said, why not just hire a ghost writer and give him credit? Bill O'Reilly did it when he was using falafels on women. I could tell you're my age.

That weren't his wife. And neurotic is no Bill O'Reilly. Even though this whole thing stinks. Or maybe you're my dad's And neurotic is no Bill O'Reilly. Even though this whole thing stinks. Or maybe you're my dad's age. He really likes Bill O'Reilly. I'm actually sure. But you're not young. You're not young.

Now, Brandon over here is not the only person who feels like using a ghostwriter is fine as long as you credit the ghostwriter. As a ghostwriter myself, I have been credited on occasion. But more times than not, I am not credited. I want to credit those tits. And I, as the ghost writer, am not upset about that. I, personally, could not have written- I'll sign those tits with my dick. Blah, blah.

Right? Right here. Mr. Masterson, come on. I'm gonna connect the dots with my jizz. No. I'm gonna play that little box game where you draw a line and then you can connect all the lines. I'm gonna play Planko. I'm gonna get it all the way down the front of the dress. Oh yeah.

Peggle. Pwk, can I clip this thing and alright. In this specific book without the knowledge of the author this goes doubly true for any memoirist because it's about their life. So before we get into the meat of everything I do want to dispel the idea of using a ghost writer. She's saying erotic stuff on purpose. I know she's fucking with us. Before we beat the meat out of this. She's saying erotic stuff on purpose Before we beat the meat about using falafels on women she's talking about getting into the meat Age Lady this is this is obscene

All right is unethical or that somehow not crediting your ghostwriter is immoral. It's not. Neither of these things are unethical. And when you look at the complaints, the people who are angry at a specific author for using a ghostwriter or being suspected of using a ghostwriter. If you drill down the reviews enough, you will typically find that it's not the practice of using a ghostwriter that they're actually upset about. It's that they hate the author themselves. Called it way back, nerd-rotic ain't writing,

nor even dictate no book. Well, hello, my fellow Southern brethren. Okay, hold on, hold on, one second. What is this? Okay, lady, lady, here's what I gotta explain to you is I get that there's some dummies out there who probably couldn't write a book because they're dumb But maybe they have an interesting life story and they got to get somebody to help him write it or whatever, you know

I'm sure there's people like that out there Gary nerd Roddick is a guy whose job and profession is to pick apart scripts and media and movies and things to analyze them with a critical eye for quality. And you're telling me that cocksucker, who for years has been telling us, I know all sorts of stuff about comic books and movie scripts or whatever else, when presented with the chance to tell his own story said, I don't fucking know how to write at all and I'm going to pay a hundred thousand dollars to now house Yeah, put it together. No, I just tell you that his opinions on media are now no no no

I I mean, I think I think you're I totally disagree. I don't think critics should even try to write anything It's not that he needs to try to write it. It's that when presented with the chance that if he really wanted to tell his own story Couldn't he find a writer? He? Yeah, finding a writer, yeah. Yeah, instead he just literally went with the, I don't know, these guys fucking go with it. I mean, we should have way less writers in the world, I think, they're mostly just, they're mostly terrible. It's just too easy to try to do, so people think they're

good at it without working on it at all I definitely don't think he should have written it Let's also be clear that he talks about pushing out half-baked media process projects out there and going oh They just flopped this movie out there. There wasn't any care put into it. You go you get to the revisions This is the slop this is the definition of slop. This is the definition of slop This is the definition of slop. You're making pure slop. You get interviewed by a person, they put your story together in a 10 hour conversation, you get two rounds of revisions to go, actually I wasn't gay until I was a teenager.

And then they put out your shitty, I only got raped in prison five times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the 12. I know it was 12, but let's scale it back. Let's say it was just a couple times. Trash. It's trash. It's, let's, let's, I know it was 12, but let's scale it back. Let's say it was just a couple times, cause I don't want to, you know, get into it. It's trash. It's fucking trash. It's total trash.

He's making trash. That's why it's a scam. Fucking trash. He's making the exact trash that he says, I'm not gonna, oh, I hid all the trash. It's fucking trash. So I paid for a book that might get me a TED Talk in an appearance on The View. It's a brochure. It's a sales brochure that realtors and life coaches buy

To get on TV to sell their scam services to retards That's what it is. I hope she talks about even compose and read his own rants for his videos That's true. He seems a literally harbors deep resentment toward creative people generally Yes, that's who actually has thought deeply about the consequences of use 100% that guy sounds 100% rational Yeah, that is my analysis of it at all. He hates creative people His his life is devoted to taking any media project and going god I hope there's a black person in it because I got something to talk about. I hate it. That's it. It's the it's yes.

That seems like a very coherent person who has looked at nerd-roddics content and went, oh, this is a guy who just can't make anything good. Yeah. And therefore hates everyone who does. Yeah, hates everyone trying. Has to hate everything. Uh-huh.

It's scary. OK, let's just call it what it is. But whether you love him or you hate him, $100,000 on a memoir? Why? Why would you do this? Well, the answer's actually really easy to find by going to lisechghostwriting.com. Now Joshua Lisek made it big as a ghostwriter. He has a huge platform on Twitter, thanks largely to the fact that he has ghostwritten

books for Scott Adams and Jack Pesovic. And a hundred grand is about what Joshua charges his clients. Now why would anybody, even if they have the means, be willing to pay that for a book? Well, let's hear it from Joshua. A book can open doors, sell your services for you and Are in your okay? So the book doesn't matter I got it. I Got it. I mean, I don't want to be mean to this lady, but listen you dumb bitch. I get it Yeah, he's not making a book cuz it's not a thousand. He's paying our thousand dollars for access

Yeah to red carpet events and Ted talk got Adams. You're buying friends sure Yeah, to red carpet events in Ted Talks. Scott Adams, you're buying Friends. Sure. Congrats. Yeah, we all knew that. No, you don't understand, guys. He doesn't want to make a good book. He's just buying his way onto television.

He's buying access to TV. Oh, thank you for enlightening us. To the fucking mission statement on the website that we all read. So the book doesn't matter, right so the book doesn't matter right look doesn't matter it could be anything why is he higher a ghostwriter to make magic rocks he can fucking sell across the country who cares I get on TV to look why not like a chess set why doesn't he hire somebody to make like a nerd on this chessboard I don't know if you guys have been to craft services at

the view but they have an excellent thread and he won't back this to it Oh, so we can go on TV and like suck every celebrities asshole Yeah, look right here these books lets you get on NBC New York Times Don't you understand he could get on podcasts. Oh, yeah, that's worth a hundred thousand fucking dollars You know my most people get on podcasts do so by be like producing something of value but I guess you can just pay money to do it too so I mean so that it works a hundred percent of the time is that what you're saying you're just straight up buying access or is it possible that it doesn't work a hundred percent of the

time and that you're getting scammed it is It is bizarre that she thinks this is a defense and not the exact reason everyone... That it's a scam! I don't understand why they're making fun of him. He's spending all his money to get on TV! That seems like a good reason to make fun of him. Yeah, what are you talking about? Yeah, that's like pathetic. But you don't understand, he gets to be on TV!

Oh, okay, cool, wow, what a fucking genius! That's like the antithesis of everything that he complains or that's exactly what he always complains about Yes, I literally it's access media buying access like fucking glad handing What are you less qualified the woke people that are in Star Wars are more? Qualified to be in their movies than you are qualified to be on TV by buying access. That is, you are less qualified than them by simply being black. Like they are at least somewhat creative,

they at least earned their way into some sort of interview process. They got through it because they're black or they're a minority, whatever, but they at least got in a position to be black. You just bought your way there. Zero qualifications. Can't wait to get on Mixer G.

Can't wait to get on mixer G Can you imagine having to sit through a fucking speaking engagement with Gary nerd-rotic So after I sold all the meth and had to sell all my comic books I realize I could complain about movies on the internet and that brings me to Star Wars is dead. It is dead I got it lying about how important you are can make you money in the future you like she's a fucking genius Alright, I don't this is wait. Did she say anything else about you was probably master sin tweets. I don't know let me see Yeah, it's just her plugging her shit, I'd like to plug her oh. Oh man, but I like all her hand motions. Yeah, yeah. Don't do it. Don't do it. Your life is not worth reading about. Don't do it. That's the truth. Don't do it.

All right, all right, all right, that's it. I don't care anymore. Scott Adams, Scott Adams did it and you saw that worked out for him. Cancer. Cancer. His wife, his hot wife left him and he got cancer. That's how it works. See now that's a guy who's run out of stuff to do and if I find that if there's a news article says Scott Adams ran out of stuff to do we would all get it. We'd all go. I got it. Yeah

Yeah, okay Our problems are Sizes ran out of Dilbert ideas vanity press Launch my problems cash only okay and talking about not talking about suicide no you said secret suicide secret suicide not knowing all right knowing the details that's the show patreon.com slash biggest problem if you kill yourself there should be a picture of your, you know, what happened at the

fucking funeral. Why don't you ask the coroner how your friend died? It's been a while. But a while. I didn't even have the courage to ask her mom if I could have her Super Nintendo game. So I'm definitely not going to bother the coroner. OK, well, what if somebody asked the coroner? That was one of my great regrets

is I remember she used to be like, oh, look at all these great Super Nintendo games and magic cards I got. And then she died. I'm like, I would have it. You know what she had? This is actually the worst thing

was she worked on Family Guy for a hot moment. And in her apartment, they were in. Well, they were throwing out stuff from the Family Guy office and they had these wooden cutouts of the characters that were made in the very first season And they were just these giant cutouts the characters just in her closet because she's like nobody wants these

And I'm like oh my god. That's like family guy history. Yeah, and then I think they just ended up in a dumpster and fucking West Hollywood yeah, oh man the trash yeah yeah no that's like the fucking from the first season like they had him like in the fucking writers room and shit okay piece of piece of irreplaceable family guy legacy has been lost that's the worst part of the suicide who can find out how you can find out from the corner how she died the fastest? That's what we're gonna do. I mean, the other thing is it might just be a drug overdose and not even a suicide.

And that's the other thing that sucks. You go, well, was she just having fun? You know, that would be another good news article. That would be better than suicide in my opinion. Yeah, exactly. Sarah died having too much fun. Yeah. You know, and then that's the news article.

Like Trevor Moore. That would be, see, that's why secret suicide is a problem, is because now I don't know, like, was I supposed to help her be less depressed or was I supposed to help her have less fun? You know, what was my role? I mean, I don't believe that you actually think that, or care at all, really, about- Or care at all really about I was like I was like shit was I like a bad friend was I supposed to do something or was she just but again? Maybe she was just drugging it up. I don't fucking know We gotta find out from the corner really fun night all the coroner and find out all right

Yeah, nobody called the court. Please leave the poor coroner alone. What does the coroner fucking care? He deals with dead bodies all day. Did they check every dead body? Did they have to run a fucking... They don't always run a check. Yeah, they see how they died. Yeah, she's fucking dead. No, they see how they died. I've seen... Some coroners... I mean, they at least cut the noose off their neck if she died that way. So it'll be on the notes. Sure, that'll be there. I had to cut the noose off their neck if she died that way so it'll be on the notes

Sure, that'll be there. I had to cut the rope off. Yeah, but again, it could have been an auto-erotic Exfixiation so we don't even know maybe she was having fun. Alright, let's read the supersheets. Suke when life gives you lemons you eat them. Kufu for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves. LJ clobberino for five. The biggest problem the universe is finding hair clumps throughout the house But there are they mine or my wife's? Strategy for 10, imagine sitting in the back of your dad's car and his crap driving makes you spill your snow cone. But when he steps out of the car to help, he checks, oh that's my Optimus Prime, you son of a bitch! Skitzo Shawn TV for 5 on the after problem tonight.

I'll be unveiling a secret Eric Jalai pull-up and teasing a couple others? I hear Imholdt is having a golf tournament. Oh, he's pulling up everywhere. That's amazing. It's Skits O Sean TV. Check it out in the after problem tonight. Is it the after problem or is it the after problem tonight? I don't know. It's Skits O Sean TV. Coach K for 20. Skits O Sean TV. Yes. Resub to the Patreon this week. Vito, I was just busting your balls because you only seem to respond to negative criticism. Oh shit. I just lost it. No There it is Tied to financial inside of thanks for admitting that you were spinning out cheers and go fuck yourself Thanks coach cake LJ clobbering over to super who veto stream yourself playing switch to Cameron for two nothing can be late when you can't move the deadline. True. Ethan,

peoples for 5 money. Thank you. Coop for 5. Congrats Vito on getting laid tonight. Who'd have thought getting your hog wet was the solution to Vito Wars? Everyone, strategers for 2. Tomorrow. No, you tested 1, 1, 2 when you should have tested 3, 7, 2. Bluewaffle for 5 for Vito's mic. Stone Cold Flee for 2, Dick Feel Better, Vito, you rock great show. Thank you, Cameron for 2, quit playing Bellatro, you can see it on the glasses. I was not playing Bellatro. DiamondG for 2, I own Vito in chat now. When Oinktober 2 comes, Mike Honford Town, if you're still resting your ears and reading

comics try Devin Waugh, Swimming in Blood. He's a flamboyant, bodybuilding gay exorcist for the Vatican who fistfights vampires same universe as dread oh it's like I'm sitting okay yeah well we like that black crimson five thanks the snacks thanks for not killing yourselves Dean shock for two thanks for the laughs boys Tommy reviews for two says siege via zion Vita veto hell zion indeed Mike hunt for two Jeannie also rescued Aladdin from drowning for free. Yeah, you gotta trick God. Kated the Swiss for five. Thank you.

Mr. M. Rath for two. Vito owns the dickheads. Hashtag Vito Nation. Hack the movies for five. Dick, read this since Vito won't. The bad guy in Thunderbolts is a literal meth head that wants everyone to give up on life. I'm not joking. Sentry's a good character.

Mike Hunt for two, pride's dead, six deadly sins to go. Well, you'll take gluttony from my cold dead hands. On the John for five, make the subway $5 foot long, ruining the fast food industry video essay, you insecure retard. Balder for two, Vito, I hate you, oink oink. Jav City for 10, Vito, I know you want to watch Children's Media and join Nerd-Roddick's nine-way woke panel.

That's why you make poo Veto two videos asking who is this for? Answer, it's for children under 18 and not for you fatso. Guys, don't forget to subscribe to youtube.com slash Veto two. LJ Clarberino for five. Veto, did you see the last season of Big Mouth? 15 year old boys go down on each other. You'd love it.

No, I don't watch that show. Mike Hunt for five. People incorrectly using the term grifting is the biggest problem in the universe. Exchanging money for goods and services is not a grift. For another five, he says Johnny's formed in foam would fit right in on MTV's Liquid Television in the 90s. Riley and Friends for two. The good path for Vito is making crazy chick work. No for ho gods for five Thank you for not losing your battle with depression I still got stuff to do James Oh in condenza for two playing Minecraft right now Hot fart dingled or for five imagine all the people who went down the sewer slide because they didn't have a copy of Superkiller many such cases Mike hot five only the grave digger knows what happened to veto's friend

Yeah, hot fart jingled oarth for five Yeah, let's dig her up. You know can fix all these bad feelings and thoughts We just finished a super killer just finished the goddamn comic dude But what are you gonna do clap trap in the store five man? I love veto and Richard gailey. Happy pride I am sad. I missed the pride parade. I wouldn't went to that Matt see for five peak male exit strategies after your plated bulldozer breaks down. Yeah, if you're going to kill yourself, at least do something fun right before and buy the t-shirt as we mentioned. Straturgy for five Dicks right. I saw the menu midnight line at 11 p.m. yesterday said, fuck that. Then casually

got one at the same best by 11 hours later. 100% artificial. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you gotta wait in line for these. There's no demand. Faddix the great for five. You're correct on the Doge pronunciation veto just like the correct way to say Pone is own not Pone. Keep up the good fight. Coo for two. Can we get that? Well, you know that guy who says that GIF is supposed to be Jif? Yeah, it is. Yeah, but we're not gonna say Jif. That's what it is supposed to be Jif? Yeah, it is. Jif. Yeah, but we're not gonna say Jif. That's what we're- Everyone says Jif.

No, they don't say Jif. Everyone says Jif. Okay, cool for two. Can we get the ghost writer to read the news, please? Oh, I wish. We gotta get her on. I bet we can get her on here to defend. It would be fun to have her phone in and ask her about all this stuff.

TBF for two. No, it wouldn't be fun at all. I don't wanna hear some fucking woman talk about the craft of writing and a bunch of retarded shit and pretend to be nice to her. What do you mean to be fun to get her on? Well, the pretend to be nice of her part

was the only part that sounded bad about that. I picture you berating women in the classic Dick Masterson fashion, and it fills me with a certain glee. Even that, man. Conversations with women where you're trying to get one over them are always a mistake. It's one and done, like a couple rejoinders, and then you're done. Any prolonged adversarial conversation with a woman is the the equivalent of AIDS in my opinion. I have made a lot of excuses as to why I don't want to make the food essay videos, but Dick Master making excuses for why he doesn't want to fight with women is infinitely worse.

I'm going to say. No, no, no. It's a man arguing with women for a long time. It's just, it's just, it's terrible. It's embarrassing. 20 minutes, 20 minutes. That's way, way too long. Couple, like, like 30 seconds.

You're saying you want the Dr. Phil. She goes, well, how come you do this? And you go, cause you're a fat cow. Yeah, if you're arguing with them, yeah, yeah, yeah. But otherwise like they gotta be, I mean, they gotta be fun. I don't, I don't know. I don't want- She seems like a fun lady. I would enjoy that battle fun she seems maybe I'm just

distracted by the titties but those are fun titties maybe she's as fun as titties nah I don't think so regardless if you guys want to have some fun don't forget our new bonus episode the biggest problem and dad's now available at patreon.com slash biggest problem you get a lot of great childhood stories for myself and Dick Masterson talking about bad dads TBF for two veto you smell very bad not good at all shower I come buckets to shout out Ray Ray is happy Christ is Christ is king on the John provide this woman is amazing she's completely exposing your industry for 17 minutes of clout ha ha ha ha and

Finally in the super chat roundup is nothing else guys What are the problems that biggest problem that show check out the bonus episode come on by veto 2 for all your exciting? Nonsense and dick will be in Boston what date dick I forgot the 21st Go to live that shit of June 21st to live.june 21st of June yeah 21st of June dick will be dick and Carl will be in Boston and I got nothing going on come to whatnot buy my Final Fantasy magic cards and hopefully the Mexicans don't rip me off too badly alright goodbye goodbye oh wait we got one more super chat for 50