The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 192

Episode Date: June 14, 2025

Where is it? Where is this fucker? Where is this goddamn thing? Here is it here is it here? Oh? Hello, oh whoops girl Thank you for fixing that well I Couldn't really like I Really tried I

Think that's good. Yeah, just leave that up. So is that it's me and not me though. Yeah, that's good. Is that okay? Does that? Does that sparkle with you? How the fuck do you click on it? Come on, man. Oh Man, I I realized what I did wrong now. I Should have made it the same the size of the Screen and then put yours in the corner, you know, right, you know what I mean? Yeah before the show started it said veto just walled the underneath me and I asked dick to change that I didn't want to confuse anybody and apparently that was the solution

Well, you can fix look you can see that I made it. I made it just for you, right? I appreciate that. Yeah, okay. You can tell that I put thought into it, you know? So if Vito's not here, so someone has to fuck up the tech to start the show. Your audio sounds amazing, bro. It does, I know, it's amazing. When you're a podcaster and streamer, you should be able to figure that out.

Yeah. Okay. How you doing? I am fantastic. You should be able to figure that out. Yeah. OK. How you doing? I am fantastic. I'm so excited to be auditioning as the permanent co-host of the biggest problem in the universe, Dream Come True. I really hope I win. I'm going to be grading you on several factors,

but I'm not going to tell you what those factors are. Please don't. Don't fuck with me. And one of those factors is gonna be can you subtly hint to me through our banter that my nipples are Distracting and then I need to do I need to hide them or something that will not be subtle It definitely will not be subtle. I will come out. That's a fail then okay Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be an F on that one ten actually ten out of ten That was a that was a trick question. Oh, so I was not wearing a bra today see that's not subtle. That's pretty subtle I mean relatively you know who you're talking to here, right?

Dick I want to tell you I I went to X today, and I said hey guys. I'm going on biggest problem tonight Yeah, what problems should I bring you know sometimes? We outsource these kinds of research projects. Yeah, and Listen to the result the answers. I got okay from the users on X, okay Don't call it X. What do you what do you like? Musk's friend, what are you talking about X? What do you mean X? You know I like sex I wouldn't say X for months, and I finally just come around it It's fucking X now. I'm just gonna say X, but okay Twitter

Yeah, here's the list that I got from people useless co-hosts banning donors for criticism feminine behavior from men methhead podcast co-hosts, okay crowdfunding scams, okay, yeah unfinished comic books Okay. Crowdfunding scams. Okay, yeah. Unfinished comic books. Okay.

Cry bullies, which I already brought to the show. Fat co-hosts Thin Skin and Vito. Uh-huh. Now what do you think all those are about? I think all of them happen to be about the guy I'm replacing permanently on this show. I don't know where Vito is. He sent me an email saying that he can't do today And that was it. Yeah

That's kind of weird that he wouldn't communicate more than that. Isn't it? No, that's good. That's what I've that's that means my training is working Oh, that's true. That's yeah. Yeah, you ain't got a phone call anything, but that's day of show We said that no it was earlier right when I tweeted it. It was it was maybe yesterday or the day before I don't know. It's been like a blur of a week for me. I'm all because of Israel getting attacked I'm all uh Just felt us and I'm a showing eat there. I we're about the same size now, right? Perfect. Yeah, we look good Oh, yeah, we do look good. Look at us two To the same size guys. How are you feeling?

How's your head? It's doing a little better, actually. I almost had to, I almost threatened this nursing assistant to get an MRI who is giving, you know how hard it is to get any kind of imaging, like those MRI machines, I don't know if they're like used once and then they gotta rebuild the whole thing, but they're real stingy with them.

And then you go there and it's like, it's like all of the illegal Mexicans are like waiting in line in front of you. So you're like, how the fuck did, how did all these guys get an MRI? But I have to like use all of my cunning and I'm sweating with like with like overwhelming thoughts of violence just trying to beg my way into an MRI. Is there anything you could do in LA there isn't a line of Mexicans in

front of you? That's been my experience out there. Curves, Jim, not many. Not many. OK, that makes sense. That makes sense. So did you get your MRI? Now that I'm waiting for me and they said, we'll call you. But I think she wrote down B cluster personality

drug user. Do not like that. Seidfeld was like, what are you writing out there? Hey, what are you writing out there? Hey, what are you writing? What's that note? Dude, I was thinking about that. The whole, my whole walk of shame to the parking lot.

I was like, oh God, they're gonna write, she's gonna write down that she felt afraid with you in the room. Like you shouldn't have said, I don't wanna leave here without an MRI. That was not a good idea. Like, ugh. But then I just thought, what would my dad think?

What would my dad do? Fuck it, right? Yeah. What am I worried about? All right, here we go. ["Biggest Problem in the..." Biggest problem in the... Universe?

Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe from ending it all quietly to a cash only society. Now that's a good one from Joseph Whitman. I'm your host, Dick Masch. And joining me remotely is Carl. Carl from Who Are These Podcasts. Carl and I. Carl, hello.

Hi. Hey. Welcome to the show. Very and I, Carl, hello. Hi. Hey. Welcome to the show. Very happy to be here, Dick. I love this show. Yeah, man. It's quite a ride, this show, huh? It is.

Quite a few iterations, and here you are. Yeah, you had that shitty co-host, and you had Maddox. Yeah. Carl and I will be in Boston, what, next weekend? A week from tomorrow. A week from tomorrow in eight days. Live, City Winery, downtown Boston, road rage slash W-A-T-P,

live, there's like a handful of tickets remaining. Yeah. You're gonna wanna get them at live.dick.show. Yeah, all the good seats are left. People bought all the shitty ones and all the good ones are left now. Just the opposite. But yeah, check that out. Come down and hang out with us. It's a nice intimate room. There's no bad seats. Yeah, it'll be fun. And it's my last show for a while. I'm going to go out for cigarettes and then never come back,

you know? Yeah. Because of the kid. This is why I did this show was I said, all right, this is going to be Dick's last show ever. Let's face it. You're never gonna do another live show again So I really wanted to get one more show. We had such a great time in Philadelphia a couple years ago That I said we got to do another show and I asked dick about bossy's like I've never been to Boston It's like well that was done. Let's go. That was like my You know that car and Gone in 60 Seconds that he's always trying to steal. I always, I would try to set up a Boston show,

but then for some reason, like every venue in Boston knew me and hated me, or something would happen and fuck it up right at the last minute. So thank you for making it happen. Sounds right. By the way, I noticed behind you you have your sonic chew yeah Sonic chew has a pub in it too I got one sent to me as well so that Vinnie and I were doing a creep-off show today we're doing a bonus show and we were checking

in on Christine Weston Chandler yeah you know Chris Chan seeing what she's up to these days and Vinnie found this old video because he's talking about the curse of this thing Uh-huh Vinny found this old video of you opening that up on the show Yeah, and it was you Ethan Ralph and Nick Reketa and Vinny goes you think this thing's cursed? Pretty sure it's cursed. Oh No, Nick was there too. Yeah What I think about what's going down between the three of you in the last year or so It's not great. Totally fucking ruined my life, right? I think that's the whole

I spent all day redoing my garage and like like going back and forth on Amazon for which like storage is more optimal for my Garage that's like that's a straight up curse. I would never think about that shit. I was thinking more about you laying and crying on the basement floor for a week straight because of the pain that you were in. I was thinking of that curse. No, I do that all the time. I'm just glad that I have a reason to do it now.

Okay, good. So, you know, now I get so much more attention and sympathy now. That's true. Okay, let me do last week's problems, here we go. We have a very strict format here that I would like to stick to. So there aren't too many changes to freak out the audience. Vanity Press, number one.

You know about those, Carl? I don't. Guys pay like $50,000 so a literary agent will tell them that they have an important story to tell or that their life is interesting and then they'll get a book written about their life and then that's it. Yeah. That's it. That's a there's a scam. There's uh radio stations that they uh they say hey you know they give these authors of these books that no one's buying and no one cares about.

Yeah. And and they get them to pay for airtime. They come on in we'll interview you about your book we'll promote it and they drop all these stats. Yeah so and so is here and they sold X number of copies. They just take advantage these losers who yeah really really want people to hear their voice. Yeah Nerdradic paid for one we found out so I was just making fun of that. That's too bad Video game launch day the artificial scarcity of video games you got your you got your switch to I Do not you don't you gonna? of video games. You got your Switch 2? I do not. You don't? You gonna?

I don't give a shit about Switch 2. No, because there's no Simpsons driving game on it. Is that? I got all the Simpsons driving games I need, man. I'm good. I'm covered. Do you remember that game? The four, the-

I do. Yeah? Yeah. We actually have, there's another Simpsons game. It's a, it's a four player game. Yeah. We had it up in our, uh, band room where are my band practices. Yeah. We had the console out there and I was thinking, you know, when Vito tried to call me out for my only personality trait is liking the Simpsons. Yeah. I just wanted to point out that I'm not the one who put it there. I'm not the one who put it there. Things just keep happening.

They just keep happening to me. I got nothing to do with it. This poster behind me of our live show Detroit. They were all subsidized. I didn't even ask for that. The artists just did that. Yeah. Uh, okay. Let me see. Uh, cash only businesses. Um, some people were annoyed by that one cause, uh, it wasn't libertarian enough. I guess I don't know secret suicides was the last one Where do cash only businesses exist anymore? I would think like dispensaries maybe in some states Well, I'd dispensaries around here are locked down man. You got it like show ID. Yeah, same card only Yeah, it's like the Apple Store Like they take your order on a little pad and then some other dude comes out of the back

with your stuff. But like in Colorado when they first legalized, and I think Washington state as well, they couldn't take credit cards because it was still federally illegal and everything. So everything was cash only. And then they had to have security, like armed security there because now they have

hundreds of thousands of dollars of cash along with drugs in this facility. It's like, well, people are probably gonna want to hit this place. Oh God. They fucked up the legal stuff so bad. You have to have, in order to get a license in LA, you have to have like a 10 year plus drug felon as part of your, they're given first access. Prior conviction.

Yeah. Yeah. So what happens is they just like sell their name to be part of your, they're given prior conviction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what happens is they just like sell their name to be part of your business, like the 50% owner of your business or something like that. I mean, I guess it's fair. Dick, where I live in New York state, everything goes to female or women owned and minority owned businesses first.

So if there's any type of work, especially if the state's putting out a job they go to that first So what these guys do is they put their company in their wife's name give her 51% of the company and not a woman-owned business great and then they get to bid on all of the opportunities I Put for my company. I put that it was gay owned. Yeah, that's true My partners are like what's this all about? I'm like, well, I mean

Are you are you not like that? And then my sister calls me up the next week and says you gotta hear this They had this thing come out and dad put on his company that it was gay owned and I was like, oh, yeah I I got that. No, I we just he just did it independently. I'm like yeah, I got that too I put that she's like what both of you did yes come on. It's easy money um Okay, wait. I got some comments. I had to leave off the veto ones because he's not here to respond to them Data says veto talking about dads always trying to scam and win deals is hilarious given that's exactly how he behaves. That's true You left the Vito comments off the first comment you read Vito's an idiot. Yep. That's right. No I left all

I think they're getting to him like I don't know I think all the comments and his vow of not responding, his like Attempts of not responding to them. I think he's starting to mess with his brain I was talking about that on this little piggy tonight Yeah, we were talking about how Aaron Emholt like has to go to Kiwi Farms. We were tracking his oh Yeah, usage of Kiwi Farms. He has to go there and read the- How often does he go there? He goes there all night long and all day long. Moody charted it out.

So when he's doing his show, his show's four or five hours. He's not on there. And then right before he goes on, he looks at it. Or after he gets off, he goes on it. And then throughout the day and then at nighttime, he doesn't sleep more than two and a half hours without going on Kiwi Farms. Anyway, anyway it's crazy so we were talking about that and I brought up the fact that you were trying to explain to veto that it's not healthy to seek out people talking shit about you and it's not helping you and and

videos response right and videos response was I can't help it I got to see what people are saying yeah you got to help no you have to help it to help it. You have to stop doing that. It's not good for you I really think that the Internet's bad for Vito. I worry about him It needs the wrong things have warnings like the things are too close in the mirror cigarette packets liquor, but you know women No warning women with fat moms don't have a warning It's liquor, but you know, women. No warning. Women with fat moms don't have a warning. People talking shit about you online, that needs a warning.

Okay, UR Luis says, biggest problem is tonsil stones. Half of you are walking around with the smell of rotting food sitting in the back of your throat and you don't even know it. Really? Half. Juan says, laptop manufacturers getting creative with keyboard layouts.

Yeah, that's fucking true. Having to relearn Control C. Fire Missionary says, hey Dick, the full text of my book on the subject of how to stop criminals from doing crimes is below. The question was asked on the latest episode by Vito, how to stop criminals from doing crimes. Chapter one, shoot them in the head, the end, great.

All right, sounds like an interesting book. Pretty good. Andy Lo-Fi, the Switch 2 thing is peer pressure and nothing else, kind of ridiculous. Mr. Banks, we do need less writers in the world. Female writers ruined the Ren and Stimpy reboot and it's never airing on TV because the whole series got leaked

and the fans made fun of it. John K hated writers and now to see his cartoon ruined by them is pretty surreal. What do you think about that? Ren and Stimpy was ruined a long time ago. I mean, the original series that John K, who by the way, that's his fault that he lost control of that show.

It's kind of a problem. But I loved Ren and Stimpy. And every time they've tried to reboot it, they have no idea what made the original series appealing to people. Yeah, it was like retarded. That's what was great about it. Yeah, it was like an acid trip a lot of times. You know, like just like these gross closeups on things and then Ren acting crazy and they've lost that.

It was a kid show for adults. Yeah, going into your friend's mouth and getting all squished up in his teeth and stuff. Right, yeah. Yeah, that's fun. That's fun. Let's see, I don't know if they could make shows like that though,

because if you want insane, like you can't avoid insane scatological, like surrealist cartoons or media, because you just sit all day and scroll through like disconnected skits, right? That are just bizarre. And I don't know if there's a need for it anymore. You know what I mean?

Well, do you remember Liquid Television on MTV? You're probably that age. Yeah. It's fucking awesome. Everybody watched that. And it was just these quick non sequitur cartoons that were all over the place. And I think that's where Beavis and Butthead came from. I think they got their debut on liquid television

and then became their own series. Now I would get bored halfway through one of those shorts and start scrolling TikTok for Mario doing a flip or that game where you're running and you're shooting barrels to power up and you always die, right? That one. I don't? That one.

I don't know that one. Mike Kieskisky, I thought too much mayo was a bad problem until literally two days later, I had a few drinks at the bar, stopped at McDonald's and got a McChicken to sober up. That's a good sandwich to sober up with. Took one bite and mayo squirts out the side of the sandwich right onto the center console of my new truck I just bought a week ago. It's too much mayo. He's practicing this story this guy he jacked off a guy that he met Like in a parking lot and he's practicing this story before he tells it to his wife. Yeah. Oh, I had a chicken sandwich You understand how that works? Yeah, he's testing it on us to see if it's a believable so I've had a sandwich is too much mayo

It never looks like Hawaii when I'm done with it, but okay if you say so My immediate thought was they hated him for he spoke the truth Yeah, there are that was hilarious when Vito was trying to pat himself on the back for eating fried chicken sandwiches Because he's eating so much healthier now. He's like, I've just been eating chicken, man. I don't know. I'm on a health kick. You're like at fast food restaurants. Yeah. Yeah. My problem too much mayo. Are they crispy? Yeah. Yeah. The crispy ones. OK.

Petty, a guy who makes his living buying and selling toys for children is complaining that the time we're living in is childish. Yeah. Children is complaining that the time we're living in is childish. Yeah. Martin O'Keefe Vito's personal life is fascinating. His five-year relationship, his divorced dad, his mom. I just want to know more about it all, especially his crazy ex. Me too. You can find more stories about Vito's dad at Patreon. Our last problem is the biggest problem in dads, which is up at patreon.com slash Biggest problem where Vito goes into some wild stories about his dad What do you think the biggest problem in dads is Carl Vito's dad?

absolute failure Absolute failure right there Logan says Emily lemony Dom how often do you think about suicide? That's the sort of question a therapist would ask. Yeah, I know. Oh, you made WTP with that. Oh, I did? What was that? Yeah, we made that cringe of the week when you were asking Vito how often he thinks about

suicide. It was hysterical. I just wanted to think, I just wanted to ask the most like typical obvious therapist question possible. Yeah, and he goes, uh, well who's suicide? I don't know, just suicide and dead. Yeah, I can't believe it worked. I can't believe it fucking worked. Oh man, it is every day with him, obviously. Multiple times throughout the day. Which is healthy, which is great, guys. Coof, thanks for not killing yourself, buddy.

Do you have any Cringe of the Weeks queued up for this week? Did anything cringey or anything happen recently? I have a show tomorrow, WATP is gonna be on tomorrow. Do you have any suggestions for Cringe of the Week? I haven't seen anything yet. I don't know. I sat through a four hour take down of Nick Ricada, who people will casually say he dosed his child

unknowingly with cocaine, who has like a felony for cocaine possession and people accuse him of all sorts of marital issues and violations of his marital vows and all these horrendous child abuse, all these sorts of things. I sat through a four-hour expose on Necrocheta where the leading charge was that he was an irresponsible legal commentator. Yeah. That was last night on the Keanu Thompson Thompson show I believe is what you're referring to. Yeah, that was Gabe Hoffman leveled the charge of, well Nick Ricada actually in

addition to all that, he's actually a irresponsible legal commentator. Yeah, he's probably not even a very good attorney. And I went, whoa! Whoa! Whoa! He confronted this guy, I had no idea that was going on. Did the two chicks that he was banging know about this shit I don't know Wow Gabe

Hey, this is as good as your Tesla pigs Wow Amazing short Nick Reketa. Yeah, so I when Gabe was Snapping at Keanu because she couldn't use the scroll on the Google doc that he painstakingly ventured capitalistically assembled for her to scroll through on screen when he snapped at her for not zooming in or something. No, zoom in on the right side! Zoom in on the right side! Oh, that was, he was so pissed at her.

Oh man, that's like what the IDF does when they kick in a door and shoot a kid in the head, right? Ah, that's not rage, right? You know what, I think you're right. That is my cringe of the week this week. That guy just took control and Keanu would be like, all right, well what if we, cause he was just going on,

and this went on for five hours. He's going on and on about nonsense. He was trying to, the whole point of the show was to say that Nick Rican is a bad guy. And he spent two hours of it talking about Ethan Rolfe and Mersh. And he was like giggling when he was talking about Mersh. Like man, what happened to Nick? Oh, he was loving it. He would show Mersh, like he shaved his head and he was bald. He'd be like, Oh man, look at that guy. And his cross-eyed too you're like yeah man we all know who Mersh is what what's going on?

For a second I was watching and I was like man for a second I bet Nick might have seriously been considering like changing his ways you know and facing addiction but after this there's just no possible way that's That would be my takeaway I'm right. I'm not this I'm better than this. I'm out fucked. I am I Loved in that video. I hope people know we're talking about it was I was watched by a lot of people last night Yeah, but in that video so this guy Gabe Hoffman last night. But in that video, so this guy, Gabe Hoffman, decided to spend 10 days straight on Kiwi Farms and create an argument for why Nick Reketa sucks at over that. And he showed Nick on your show talking about some anime thing that he liked. And Gabe gave away his bias when he goes,

even Dick Masterson is not going to log with this. I was like, what do goes, even Dick Masterson's not going along with this. I was like, what do you mean, even Dick Masterson? He said in all the sick and, you know, he's into sick and weird stuff. I was like, wait a minute, Gabe, I have a wife and a kid on the way. You're in a McMansion ranting about some guy you don't know and his like legal responsibility

to some other goofball shit. What the, who's the weird one here, buddy? Yeah, I thought that was very telling. I'm on Tesla, bro. That's very telling. But yeah, that was his, he was trying to tell, this was supposed to be a bombshell event. Aaron Imholl and Steel Toe was promoting it all week.

He had Keanu on that morning to talk about it, get everyone pumped for it. So everyone's tuned in. There's over 2000 people on Keanu's stream watching this thing. And he literally, his thing was guilt by association. Nick Reketa must be horrible because look at, there's a photo with him and Ethan Ralph. And look at over here, he's hanging out with Dick Masterson. You're like, yeah, man, you got him. Yeah, man. Wow. I really, I don't care anymore. After this, that's it.

And I felt bad for that, what was that girl's name, Keanu? Yeah, Keke, yep. Man, I felt bad that she was tolerating getting dressed down like that on her own show. Yeah, he treated her like shit. Yeah, oof, well, I don't know. Maybe next time. Okay, do you wanna go, I guess I'll go first. Okay.

That's how we do things on this show. I don't know if you're familiar with that. Well, the way we do it on the creep ops, whoever won the week before goes first. And it sounds like your problem was voted up the most. Yeah, mine was. I won. So go ahead and take it away. Okay, my problem is missile defense systems. You know that we have this, Israel is taking over the Middle East bit by bit, right? Yeah, and everyone's rooting for them and really excited about it too, which is great. They're picking a good time. Everyone is hype on it.

They're picking a good time to go after Iran and stuff, because everyone's going to have their back on it. They're picking a good time to go after Iran and stuff because everyone's gonna have their back on it. Yeah, they like, you know when Trump got elected I thought Israel would give him like a nanosecond to kind of get his bearings and Pretend to do some of the stuff that he said he was gonna do but of course they didn't they immediately launched into the Anti-semitism shit then then we finally got to get rid of illegals. We finally got that starting to coalesce and become a thing. And immigrants, and they were raiding home depots. You know, good stuff.

The stuff that we've always imagined. By the way, I'm sorry about you and your garage on that one. That sucks. You know what? I got a good workout all week. That's not worth it, man. I took five years off my back moving my garage myself. You deserved a Mexican that day.

I really did. It was a day with no Mexicans for me. He was finally getting, maybe getting just a taste of all the stuff we voted for him for and then wham, Israel has to decide to take over the world again. But what I have specifically here is the missile descent systems because watching them, watching these videos all day of rockets going up and then rockets going up on the other side and exploding it is like the most unfulfilling like cock tease that of war footage that there has ever been

it's terrifying for missiles to be flying at you but then when the other missile shoots it's just like all day money annihilation happening for no purpose. Like we went from... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, hold on. No purpose. Yeah. Do you know who builds those missiles, Dick?

Us? And I'm proud to be an American. Yeah. Where at least I know we build the missiles. I mean, this is a boondoggle for us. I really hate it though. Everyone's shooting off all their weapons. They need new weapons. We're the ones that build them. I know, but these the boondoggle for us. I really hate it though. Everyone's shooting off all their weapons. They need new weapons.

We're the ones that build them. I know, but these aren't new weapons. It's just like anti-those weapons. Like there was a time in history where we had new weapons. Like we had a gun. But Dick, that's what I'm saying. So I'm the sales guy, right? And I go over to Israel and I go, so how you guys doing on your missile inventory?

And they're like, oh, we couldn't put another missile in here, man. Our warehouses are stocked. So that's like two or three years ago. And the sales guy comes back and he's like, yeah, they're not buying missiles. Now he comes in and he goes, hey guys, what's going on with all these missiles? Like, we're almost out of missiles. Like, yeah, I know. How many can I write you know I

hate it I hate it for all these reasons I hate it because like looking at it looking at you think okay well this this should be obvious now to everyone that war is retarded and all this we're just we're just mutually lighting all this money on fire and this and the ants and their answer to it is you know what all of America needs one of these goddamn missile defense things. And I just really, I would rather be vulnerable and have a bigger, better missile. That's what I'm saying.

Like, we started with, OK, I got a sword. I'm making a, you got a bigger sword. Oh, shit. I need to make a gun. Like, OK, I got a bigger gun with a rocket launcher. All right, I got a fucking nuke, right? All right, I got a thing that shoots down the nuke. Like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not how it's supposed to go. Right, I gotta get a bigger nuke, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, like a black hole gun, like something. I don't wanna be frozen forever in this limbo stalemate to be frozen forever in this limbo stalemate watching money be incinerated above us like globally because if the US has a missile defense system then we're going to need people shooting at it right? Well can I, am I allowed to shoot on your point?

Is that a lot of the show? That's the point of the show yeah. Even if you don't believe it you're encouraged. The missile defense system in the US that Trump has promised is a great idea because we have this thing called the military industrial complex. And so trillions of dollars goes to the military every year in their budget. And we have to justify that. And the way that we justify that is we start wars with people that we have no business being at war with. Cause we're like, Hey, look at, we're in Iraq. We need more money for this thing. What I like about this is if we go, Hey, let's stop

having foreign wars. Let's get out of everybody's business and we'll just build up our own stupid military infrastructure, even though we'll never need it. It doesn't make any sense, but we got to spend the money because the money has to be spent on something. So we keep people employed to keep people working, but we're not necessarily in the middle East and we're not in Taiwan and we're not you know in other people's affairs But can't we make something bigger like this this defensive shit? It's like a death star you want us to build a death star is what you're saying Yes

The answer the answer to war is not if you're if you're in the war the answer isn't to catch all the bullets you know It's a good point. What are we a goalie? What are we a hockey goalie? We're just like trying to get a shutout? No we still gotta score some goals. Exactly like hey check this out is let's go watch this baseball game he throws a no-hitter like I don't want to see that game I want to see home run I don't even want to see a game I just want to see a home run derby actually I don't even want that I just want to get drunk and go to a batting cage. Could you imagine the next home run derby there's just a guy who's 20 feet tall with the outfield, just catching everything before he goes over the fence.

Up, out, out, out. Like a catching robot. Like, no, this sucks. That would blow. It's like watching, it's like watching a street fighter championship, right? And you got two dudes who are, you know, doing combos back and forth versus just like spamming high kicks. he's just like he's gonna go hey

And then eventually the other guy fucks up a little bit and one gets through but it's not there's just not there's nothing I Don't know even war even war now has become The end we do safe. It's too safe? Is that the problem? Yes! It's become too safe! There's people not even evacuating their apartment building. They're like, ah, we got a missile defense system, we'll be fine. Yeah! Like, I'm not gonna evacuate because the missile could go anywhere, and we got

the defense system, and we already- it's like and you already paid for it! So... We should go on the roof and actually watch the missiles get exploded like it's 4th of July. That'd be fun. I saw this this I saw this video right before the show where this dumb girl influencer was Looking outside and she thought that the missiles were fireworks and everyone was making fun of her, but I'm like she's closer She's not that far off. Yeah, her reaction is actually correct like what and fireworks, you know suck so This is this is war just endlessly shooting

Isn't it weird that they're able to shoot missiles out of the sky missiles are going very fast Yeah, but a guys get some paraglides They just kind of glide down from a tower and no one could take them out. How is that? I mean? I don't want to get into conspiracies, but no they can cuz they're moving too slow That's what the problem is. Yeah, that's why the dune thing makes sense now. It's just guys paragliding in and stabbing each other Five million bucks for them. Did you know the Patriot missile was a defense missile I Don't remember that now. I didn't know that.

I remember the Patriot Missile and the Scud Missile. That was like the original Gulf War, Desert Storm. Yeah, that's what the generals would get on TV and they're like, yeah we're gonna fucking bust some bunkers man. It's gonna be shocking, you know. And now it's like we're gonna have a big shield. It's like when you're hiding under a pillow fort. That's war man. We're gonna when you're hiding under a pillow fort. That's war, man. We're going to have the biggest pillow fort in the world. It's worse than that. It's worse than that because think about the best attack that's

happened throughout this entire Ukraine, US or Russia conflict. They drove a truck and they drove a bunch of trucks into Russia and then a bunch of drones popped out Yeah blew up this target. It's like this is this isn't wars a video game. Yeah This is this is live-action video games. It's like it's like watching Starcraft like all right well there's all the missiles. I guess just shoot them over and hope that they didn't make as many little guys as you And there's no way there's no way to know who's right like Okay, we just ran out of missiles like that. I mean, that's that's okay game over All right, don't run out of missiles purchase more missiles guys. I'm telling you I guess it's just purchase forever

It'll be this forever. The planet is like this forever It really sucks. I would like some kind of fun new war inventions like the nuke like a gay virus or some sort of a gay bomb. I don't know. Wait, what would the gay bomb do? Would it turn people gay? Yeah. That okay, so that's actually interesting. Yeah, you know like in medieval times they would salt the land. Yes. So that you couldn't grow anything and the populations would die off Yeah, and somebody would like would like dump poison in the well. I don't remember. Yeah people did that but it would happen a lot But that would be a thing where there's like we want to wipe these people off

They never exist. Yeah, like that was what warfare was a gay bomb. There'd be no procreating You would have an entire country that would just get older a gay bomb there'd be no procreating you would have an entire country That would just get older and die and it'd be done, and then you'd say hey actually that was a Fake it wasn't actually a gay I've been sucking up Bruce all this time. I'm not actually gay Goddamnit something man come on. I'm getting blue ball from war! It sucks! It fucking sucks! Anyway, that's my problem. Good problem. Thanks. Missile defense systems. Who needs them? Get rid of them.

It's not even like, then it's just luck. You wouldn't be able to have that in a casino in California. You gotta have a skill based game in California, you gotta have a skill-based game in California, right? Like we can't have slot machines here, or blackjack, because they're luck-based. So a missile defense system wouldn't even be allowed in a casino in California, is what I'm saying. Because it just shuts, like if one shuts down and you're dead, you're like, oh, okay, great. That's just my luck, right? It's not even it's not even fair That's what I'm saying, Carl

You're saying it takes the fun out of war takes the fun out of it. Yeah. Yeah It's like if this woman's like right like a woman's crying like I lost my husband Cuz he got blown up by a mess. You're like, oh man. Well, I think yeah, it sucks when like a malfunction Like everyone else was fine. So yeah, we wouldn't be talking about Gettysburg like oh man well I think yeah it sucks when like a malfunction like everyone else was fine so yeah we wouldn't be talking about Gettysburg if it's just like oh how many casualties were there oh zero yeah every bullet was zero yeah we we catch it every bullet before it got to anyone yeah the one computer crash though and it got through so yeah one guy yeah one guy yeah all right your

turn all right my biggest problem in the universe is internet beefs. Now we know that things have gotten violent in the sector. We've seen what's happened to Ethan when he went over to Portugal and that's crazy. Obviously, Eric July is getting the law involved. He's trying to get people arrested or did get people arrested, people thrown in jail and stuff. Boogie 2988 pulled a gun and fired toward Frank Hassel. Oh, that was a good one. We all remember that. Yeah. Somebody just got killed. Did you see that? Well, that's where I'm going with this. Yeah, okay.

Okay, that's where I'm going with this. Okay. Also, Stuttering John just sent me a demand letter for $600,000. You know about that? I know. Yeah, he has an attorney. An attorney sent me a demand letter for $600,000. The reason why is because we've done a couple of live events that we call DabbleCon. OK, yeah.

And then we did a thing this year called Dabble House that was a live streaming show. And so he's like, hey, you guys are charging money for that? I want some of that money. $600,000? He sent us a demand letter for $600,000, yes. I responded to it today. How much have you made on Tabble House?

Much less than that. Much, much less than $600,000. Wait, why? Because you're using his name to promote it? Yeah, right of publicity is the New York State law that they're using. Is he right? For this. No, not even close. Are you going to jail? Are you sure?

Well, it would be civil, so I wouldn't be going to jail. So maybe. But no, no, I'm definitely not going to lose this case. Okay. You got your house straightened up in case the cops kick your door down like they did with Nick oh shit You know what you never know and it's gonna happen apparently I have this is what I do differently than than Nick I've instructed my wife to flush the drugs You're gonna have a few minutes

What the fucking drugs? It's not that difficult lesson there They say they have a warrant and they're begging out the door. Flush the drugs. And then, because you know what, you know your wife's gonna fuck it up, you go to your the daughter that tested positive, hey, go flush daddy's special flower in the bedroom, get off the fucking phone. I can trust you, you're cool. Yeah, you know, both of you do it. Oh, man, that was was rough that was fucking rough So I'm not worried about the first thing. I did when we got swatted. I was like oh Yeah, yeah, that should be the priority instead. It's laying out with credit cards on top of it

multiple rooms rooms You know You know at least like the cat walks in just goes alright nothing to see here You know like at least Kayla at least grab the bag and throw it around so they have to vacuum it up to measure it Right yes, you know that's a good. That's a good call. That'd be a pain in the ass Like it's like Sam a Sam hide bit Oh, yeah count the molecules of cocaine that are all in my shag carpet. Oh, dude, so the dog will lick it up like Dead dog, but I'm not going to fucking prison

26 grams and you're chucking it all on the carpet, but at the same time you got the kids throwing sugar and salt Soda yeah, good luck figure it out. Go ahead. Mr. Wizard Get the science team in here and see if you can wow someone really stopped on this you guys have a horrible dealer Fuck the safe just keep it keep all your cocaine in like a Rube Goldberg machine so you can hit it. It's just like a fan pull like Pee-wee's big adventure right it pulls a pencil out of the fan it goes It eventually like floats over the toilet drops it in and then an arm comes down and hits the flush dude I'm fucking I'm making this fucking device. It's a thing a thing you put on your toilet and You it's an emergency hit and it just caves in, you know, like Willy Wonka, right?

A bad nut. Down the toilet. I'm buying one. Put me down for two of those, please. And I'll put all my child porn in it! No, no, no, no. He said it! He said it!

We got him! Oh, man. So anyway, internet beefs have gotten out of control. There's a lot of internet beefs going on, but they really, it came to... Now you know what? I'm sorry. Now that you say this, now that when I look at Nick's mugshot, that's the face that he's making. Why did my wife flush the goddamn cupcake? He's so disappointed I bought us time. I told him I wouldn't unlock the door. I bought us a ton of time

I asked for the warrant. I made them pull that out and show it to me Flush the mistress down the toilet too while you're at it. You know throw something in for yourself throw something in for yourself Yeah, that's that was my takeaway from that. So these internet beefs are getting crazy. And it culminated this past weekend into a very serious internet beef between Finney The Legend, 44 year old man with 6800 subs on UTim, also does his livestreams with his wife Bubbly. And it started as a fantasy football channel. But privately, Finney De Legend was watching this guy Sin City Manny because Finney's really into Vegas and what Sin City Manny was doing was, he was doing all these live streams

from different areas in Vegas. He's on Fremont Street, he's at the Bellagio, Caesar's Palace, he's going all these places, right? Okay. This guy, Sin City Manny, it's a channel that's owned by Manuel Ruiz. Do you know Sin City Manny? Why do I feel like,

we talked about him at Hackamanny or something? I've never heard of him before. You never heard of him? No. But he goes by Manny Wise, Manny D, he's 41 years old, he would often wear like insane clown posse style makeup. Cool. Yeah, okay. Yeah, which is how you know a guy's got his shit together.

I'm gonna trick my son into thinking I'm a hardcore ICP fan When he was a baby, and then I'm not Anymore take a bunch of old photos where you dress up as I see yeah, yeah, yeah This is us when you were two so I'll have a heart attack at like 50 49 if he's gonna come like yeah I don't know why my dad was a big insane clown posse fan How far you gonna go are you gonna put Faygo and all the refrigerators and just stop? I'll hide some old fire logos like I'll have a box of memorabilia from yeah, I see P So eventually Finney he stops watching Manny because he decides you know what I can actually do this better

and he starts traveling to Vegas from Arizona, him and his wife, Bubbly. And they start doing live streams from Vegas. So now both of these channels have very similar content where they're live streaming for hours out of Las Vegas. Okay. Well, in late 2023, they actually have a little altercation. They're both live streaming on Fremont Street. And for whatever reason, Bubly gets real close to Manny

She's got her selfie stick and she's got her phone on it. She's getting real close And Manny gets annoyed. He's just like pushes her and hits the phone Out of her hand the selfie stick and then all of a sudden so now we have Finney and bubbly going up to Manny Like what's up, Manny's got a bodyguard. He gets involved Manny's wife is there cool Manny's wife grabs her drink and throws it all over Finney and bubbly So and they retaliate they throw their drinks on her. Yeah, and Manny pulls out pepper spray and we're in Fremont Street It's very crowded and he's pepper spraying everyone. So this is the whole incident that happens.

I like it. I like it. Yeah, it's fun. This is what's happened to me. The drink, you know, onomatopoeia is a fat pig female comedian friends smashed a girlfriend all over my wife went my girlfriend at the time at a bar. Did you hear about that story? I don't remember this. She was, we went out to this bar downtown and one of Maddox's, this girl was looking at us all weird and we're like, all right, what is this bitch's problem? And she followed us into the bathroom area.

I came out first and then my wife came out later. This happened a long time ago. Her name was Caitlin Hall, I think, the woman. My wife came out, and she's like, yeah, she said I heard her talking to this guy who looks like a hipster, a doofus. He had a meticulous beard. He looked like a hipster, doofus, he had like a meticulous beard, he looked like a coffee barista. And she goes, that's him, that's the guy pointing at me.

So then she came over and I forget who said what but I think my wife might have said, you got some kind of a problem and she smashed her drink into us. So we went outside and called the- Wait, 80s girls smashed a drink? No, no, no, no, no. Kaitlyn smashed the drink on us. Okay.

And got us, you know, that's a very expensive drink. So we went outside and called the cops, and they came and put her in handcuffs and- Oh, she stuck around after that? She waited for the cops to come? Yeah, yeah. This is like not flushing your drugs down the toilet. What are you doing? They're going somewhere else. Put her in handcuffs and oh she stuck around after that she waited for the cops to come yeah Yeah, yeah, it was awesome uh So she sat outside and handcuffs for a couple hours. That's cool. You know that's fun. I wish I had pepper spray

No, you don't you don't want pepper spray because you'll hit people that shouldn't be hit. Yeah, it's a real problem Yeah, it's a real problem. Yeah. It's a real problem. So those guys go back to their hotel room afterwards and they're live streaming about the altercation. They're talking all this shit about Manny. Well, it turns out, you know, Manny, this guy who wears ICP makeup, it goes around Vegas. A lot of people don't like him.

Okay. So because of this live stream, also people are loving Finny the legend and he's getting all these new subscribers and't like him. So because of this livestream, also people are loving Finny the Legend and he's getting all these new subscribers and people watching him. This is way cooler than his fantasy football show. They're like, whoa, you're in Vegas, you're getting into fights with Manny. This is cool. So lo and behold, he starts dedicating his channel to just fucking with Manny. And Manny does the same thing on this channel. I need to start doing all these things. So this is crazy because not only are they like sniping each other and talking mad shit about each other. Okay. They're going after family members. They're researching who's in the family and they're finding social media posts and different things. They're

calling out wives and children and parents and all this kind of stuff. It's getting personal. It's getting crazy. And Manny is taking it so far that he actually has a video that he took down, but someone saved it. I saw it from a year ago where he's going, if I ever run into Finney again, blop blop, you know, he's talking about, he's going to take him out and all this stuff. So then they start raising. He's I think, well, he's Hispanic. Okay. And Finney is black. Oh, that's quite a combo. Yeah. Yeah. As we see in LA right now, they're not getting along. Yeah. Right. They don't have each other's backs. It turns out they fucking

hate each other. White people think that they turn. They don't have each other's backs. It turns out they fucking hate each other Why people think that they turn? No, they think it's like Sesame Street down there, but it's not Yeah, there's white people and then there's minorities right now that works. Yeah, there's all the other people. No, no, that's not how it works at all No But thanks for playing. Well, so then things escalate. They start striking each other's channels. And Dick, this is when things get real. When you start striking channels and they're striking channels for copyright violations

and anything they can find against the terms of service. That's done. That's it. Then it's time. Well, then you're taking away someone's money and they get upset about that. And Finney succeeded in getting Manny's channel demonetized Okay through striking him, which I always say striking channels is for pussies. Never do it. It's

Don't don't go any did the striking. Yes, okay, Phinney Struck Manny's channel. Okay, and Manny's channel got demonetized okay well just this past weekend Manny hears that Phinney's back in town in Vegas doing some live streaming yeah do it so there is live streams of Manny driving around all day looking for Phinney and he's just watching from his car like where is this guy where is he hanging out where is he gonna be yeah what's up I can't my biggest fan where is he gonna be where am I's up? I can't. He's my biggest fan. Where is he going to be? Where am I going to see him? So around 10 40 PM Sunday night on the eighth, he's walking down the strip near the Bellagio and a, Hey, look at who's there. Manny runs

into Finney and bubbly and bubbly immediately goes like, Hey, Hey, Hey, what's up? What's up? What's, what's going on? And Manny goes? I'll tell you what's going on pulls out a gun and starts shooting Finney And then it's so funny cuz you've seen the video Bubbly yells are you fucking kidding me? Which is the weirdest response to like your rival murdering your husband? I thought I had the wrong video cuz I heard her say yeah, are you fucking kidding? I was like no kidding me so he didn't shoot him Or yeah, what like dude really?

That's a weird response to that So man so he killed him for striking his channel he murdered him and bubbly he shot both of them The girl too that's right there in Las Vegas He runs on and I assume she would have killed herself you know For the honor after her husband was dead that she that's true. I'm pretty sure that's what streamers Girlfriends and wives have a code where if the streamer dies they will kill themselves out of hey Jen Yeah, let me just tell my wife about don't ask it's a secret Oh, it's a secret unknown thing it spoils it when they just wanted to know that she's a lie about it

Yeah, you know don't put her on the spot to lie about it like that. Okay? Yeah, I'm pretty sure he saved her the trouble of that. So yeah, so he walks up and murders both of them and then the next day so the police are looking for him obviously, because they were both streaming it at the same time. I played a show on who are these socials last night. Someone synced up the two streams on top of each other so you could see what both of them were looking at when it all went down.

So the next day- You're saying this is a problem? Carl, this is incredible content. What are you talking about? Internet beeps are a problem, Dick. This is gonna happen to us someday. Are you kidding me? Not me, man.

We have some detractors. I don't know if you noticed that. Yeah, I'm assuming they're gunning for... Eric has said he's gonna shoot us multiple times. That he's gonna build a time machine. Sounds like a problem, Dick. Eric said he implied that he was gonna build some kind of time machine that is powered by blackness and bring a version of himself forward into the future from 2012 to deal

with all his haters and detractors. Why doesn't the current version of Eric just do that now? Well, because he said he's a multimillionaire businessman now, and that in 2012 it would have been different. So to me that means he's working on some sort of a black time machine. Did you like that photo I took with Eric July from Dallas, Texas? Yeah, that big poster. Yeah, those are actually video boards that keep changing who they're showing. And Eric July is the least frequent person, so I was waiting for a chance to get a shot

To send to you in mid-salad. Yeah, I was like I saw a lot of other guys multiple ties before Eric July showed up You're like waiting for the great pumpkin. Yeah So anyway the next awesome man, you know, you're important when they need to They need a billboard to remind people that you exist. Right? That's how you know, you've left your mark. Yeah That is a really cool studio though where blaze TV is Mercury Studios. Oh, yeah and Dallas. Have you heard about it at all? No I've only seen The I've only seen the camp the security camera at the front What looks out to I haven't seen inside or heard about it at all Glenn Beck collects a lot of like crazy memorabilia from TV shows and movies and stuff like the life raft from

Titanic is hanging from the ceiling Apollo 13 Space capsule is hanging from the ceiling and then the the set for all in the family the entire set is there What the hang out? Yeah, it's it's weird Going back is like you know a whole set the whole set does he film on it? No, does he pretend to be Archie bunker? I? Walked up and down the stairs. I got my photo taken that was my highlight of the day I don't know what Glenn Beck is doing with it It's wild. It's wild what they're up to over there. There's a lot of cool studios and shit.

Oh, maybe he's just pretending to watch it and like in the studio audience. Well, think about it, Dick. If you had as much money as Glenn Beck, and I'm not saying you don't, maybe you do. Yeah. Wouldn't you buy some ridiculous frivolous shit just because you could? I don't know what I would buy. I sold a show to, a long, long time ago, to what Maddox do,

to the company that produced Deadliest Catch, like way, way back in the day. And the owner of that company Tom Thaum or Tom I forget how you say it Tom Beers had the original Star Trek captain's chair in his office. Yep. But he didn't sit in it. No you can't sit in it. Well yeah he asked us to okay and Matt was like no no no I was like yeah sure I'll sit in fucking chairs up on a like a deus or whatever It's kind of part of the thing but did you say things like Captain Kirk would say while you were sitting in it

Did you play the kid? Yeah? I did a really bad Kirk impression, and I felt and I was embarrassed So I got out of it. I was picturing myself in that scenario, and there's no way I would do anything cool. I said, ugh, I shouldn't have killed my wife like that. And it really brought the meeting down. Yeah. You could have had an interracial kiss in it or something like that, except the cool that he did. Yeah.

You wouldn't have The Simpsons set? Like if you had it. Well, the Simpsons is a cartoon. So let me explain to you what the Simpsons is, Dick. It's a cartoon for Matt Groening. Would you have like Matt Groening, something of his? Like his skull or something? I haven't watched The Simpsons in years.

It's really not my main thing. It's really not. I know Vito told you that but it's not even close to the case. More into like the Buffalo Bills. Probably like, I don't know. Buy them. You'd buy the Buffalo Bills? Maybe I'd buy the Bills or something. You know if I had a few bucks laying around. Would you get like a 25 year old girlfriend like Bill Belichick has? Not that one, but yes, but not that one. Can they not tell when they get to that age? Like, because like, I don't know, maybe maybe if I met some 25 year olds, I wouldn't be able to tell which one was like the psychotic succubus anymore.

able to tell which one was like the psychotic succubus anymore? Because I know I could spot a psychotic succubus my age, for god damn sure, and about 10 years plus and minus. But maybe when they fall out of that zone, that Q zone, then you just have no idea. Well, yeah, it reminds me of like, remember Anna Nicole Smith? Yeah. She married that billionaire guy who was in his 80s and dying.

Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah. It was a smart move on her part for sure, but she was so obnoxious Like I mean, I always say this and I don't know if you believe this or not Never marry for boobs boobs are great. We all love boobs. You can't marry for boobs though. You gotta go further than that I know is that I'll tell my son that wisdom tell your son that marry for don't marry for boobs boobs are married for oh You got you got a marry for less annoyance You got to find a girl who's not annoying boobs oftentimes is also annoying. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so That's you gotta hear them tell the same fucking story to everybody. I can't find, I always have to buy a different top than a bottle.

Like, oh my fucking God, endlessly, how endlessly fascinated you are with that. And everybody, everybody always is so, so interested in that fucking tidbit. Oh wow, you have different tops and bottoms, huh? You got a built, you got a perfect, you a built-in audience for these same the same material like when you follow a Comedian who's just had a movie come out from talk show to talk show and you're like I heard this fucking story on Letterman like I don't want to hear this again That's what happens when you marry for boobs. Yeah, you just hear that say every did every dinner party Yeah, why I want to eat the matching top and bottom, but it actually I'm not that size on the top as the bottom

How's your back? Oh Dave? I'm so glad you asked. I don't even get me started on my back I'm actually think about getting a reduction. You're like whoa Pretty sure there's a contract somewhere that says What are we talking about? No Carl internet beefs look look look look look let me wrap this up. Let me wrap this up So Manny wise the next day Monday, okay, the cops were looking for him. We didn't go home that night They couldn't find him he turned himself in and he claimed self-defense He said that when he walked up to Finney

Finney reached for his waistband and said what's up cuz Yeah, and so man he decided like oh, I better shoot him before he shoots me and his wife was unarmed obviously He is being held without bail I love it though you strike my channel man fuck you that's fuck you yes Don't order to do channels in the white guy first the guy first the guy first cuz the wife was like, are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah Yeah, I'm not kidding blap. I'll show you who's kidding The crazy thing about this. I can't find out how many subs Manny had but from all the reports that I've looked at it was under 10,000 so you got these two youtubers who have

less than 10,000 subs who are so territorial about this thing it's like guys this doesn't even exist what are you doing now this is cool and the more like the easier it is to do all this streaming shit the dumber And more violent all the streamers will get that's what we're seeing yeah, that's that's cool though strike internet beefs voted up There's no I should have missile defense system. That's why you're shitting on this well No, no, no, they, no. I think you did. The internet beefs are perfect because in wrestling, wrestling is too gay. You know there's never gonna be any real violence. Like they're, I don't know why,

but the wrestlers and the people who watch wrestling are like obsessed with repeating over and over the terms that make it not real. You know what I mean? Like what, like it's a work or a shoot? This is a work, a kayfabe, a shoot. It's like when you go to a movie, they don't interrupt the movie every 10 seconds

to go like, hey, I'm an actor by the, I'm doing a pretty good job acting. Like, hey, Keanu, you're doing a really great job acting, by the way. Hey, hey, by the way, we're gonna start act three if you guys are ready for that. Wow, that computer explosion was awesome. They don't do that

But for some reason wrestlers like I don't know if they're too fucking dumb and they might and the the fans and they might start To believe it so they just keep repeating over and over Yeah You know like when celebrities talk about their kids and their wife so much like okay, man. Who are you trying to convince? here Well, okay, so You might be on to something. Yeah, because hip hop beefs, I'm all for. Yes. We just had a halftime show

where the half time performer was only hired so he called Drake a PDF pedophile. Yeah, that's insane. That's an insane reason to get the gig of Super Bowl halftime show. Yeah. So that I'm all for. So maybe you're on to something I mean right there was only one appropriate response to that and it's not singing a song I'm not gonna say what it was but it everybody knows what it was. Yep. That was the that was when rap beeps were awesome That would have happened

Back in the day. Mm-hmm, but not now. Okay, that's your problem Carl. Yes Okay my second problem is Photo photo books, what are they called? The are they photo books photo albums photo albums. Yeah. Yeah I remember those. You remember those? I do.

Let me tell you something. All the- I'm from Kodak country. This is where Eastman Kodak is from Rochester. Everyone in my family worked for Kodak and everyone's taking photos everywhere we go and they're making photo albums. Photography is very important where I grew up. Carl, all of those photo albums still exist today

and they're lying in some boomer's basement or attic or utility shed waiting to get dumped on poor, innocent you. I am telling you, this Sunday coming up is Father's Day and I'm going to the place where all the photo albums are. And they're always, hey, you wanna take this? You wanna take that? You need this?

You need that? Yeah. My wife was schlepped or given, her mom gave her her photo albums. She's like, oh yeah, she was down there for some reason. And her mom said, well, why don't you take this stuff? I'm moving, I don't wanna move it with me. How about you take these photo albums with you home?

So she's like, okay, I guess, or else what, you just throw them away? Like, I don't think you can do that. And everyone will, that's like a curse, right? Yeah. So she takes these, she shows up at home with two full size, whatever, the giant box of U-Haul, full of like 60 pounds of photo albums,

12 photo albums in each box. And I was like, you gotta be kidding. Like I don't even have, you could put all my cables in the whole house in boxes. And this is more than all the cables I have. And this was just one, this is just from one boomer. Well, it's a good thing that real estate is really inexpensive in LA.

So you could probably have plenty of space for that. I have all the room in the world to store six versions of every precious memory. So I'm like, what are we going to do with this? Digitize it? Like scan? You get a scan? Yeah, yeah. You could probably send it out for someone to do that. Yeah. Yeah. I called somebody and it was like $95 an hour for them to scan your photos. Okay. And I'm thinking, well, I don't, I don't know if maybe there's a couple pictures ever in my whole life that I've taken.

They're worth $95. And then where do you put them? Once you have them digitized, you put them on a hard drive somewhere and throw them in a shelf, you're paying for cloud storage. What do you put them once you have them digitized you put them on a hard drive somewhere and throw them in a Shelf you're paying for cloud storage. What do you do with is that? Are we gonna just dump? Is it just gonna be generational like offloading of digital bullshit Every every kid's gonna get a file that says dad and then their kids gonna get a folder That's it's just like gonna be like when you move computers and you dump everything in your downloads to a new old computer, and it's just gonna compound

like that for the rest of time. That's a photo album. And they won't fix them until they, it's very depressing. And you don't know who anyone is? What? Like I don't know about you, but I look through old family albums and I got a bunch of cousins and things

I've never seen I haven't seen in forever Yeah, there's friends of friends and stuff, and I'm like I don't know any of these people are I have no idea What's going on here? And then someone tries to explain it to you and that makes it even more boring Oh, no that so you remember your aunt she adopted that kid and you hung out that summer with it I'm like yeah I guess I don't know and then you'll you'll be sorting through it and you'll get to one that has writing on it like oh I can't throw this one away right this hat you know some ladies writing on it what the fuck am I supposed to do with these things and then you know there's always a photo of me playing

little league baseball When I was eight and I'm like I didn't turn out to be a major league player So I don't think this is so this is the stock this This could have been worth a lot, but now it's not right right and then you got photos of like You in the bath you know like I well I can't I can't send this out to be digitized because it's child pornography right Yeah, I like there's and that's ultimately the problem with photo albums is that there is a I can't send this out to be digitized because it's child pornography now. Right, yeah, it would be a problem. And that's ultimately the problem with photo albums is that there is a flood,

there's an avalanche of new, fresh, child pornography, soft core child pornography in the basements and storage containers and attics of boomers across the entire country just waiting to be unleashed onto perverts around the world. That's interesting. Did you watch the Pee Wee documentary? I did yeah.

That's how Pee Wee got busted because he had all this like, kinda, it wasn't photo albums, but he had all this old gay erotica from like the sixties and shit, where it's like, well, that guy looks like he could be a teenager, we're not sure. Yeah, he's dead now. He died in World War II. Yeah, right, yeah, right.

Like who gives a shit? Yeah. But because he had like these old photos and things, they brought it up on CP charges. Dude, I remember being pissed off when that happened, because it was obvious bullshit. Same here. And in that documentary, his final moments

are him basically crying about his whole legacy, and life was ruined, because people think he's a fucking pedophile. Yeah. He's like, oh my god, he sounds exactly like Vito. This is going to be the rest of Vito's life. Like, this shit never leaves, no matter what. Because even at the time, he's like, I'm not a fucking pedophile.

I just have a bunch of old gay shit, like old gay pornography. But he had to register as a sex offender, too, as part of his plea deal. Yeah. So, California did him dirty on that. Oh yeah. And Florida really did him dirty on that sting in the porn theater. Talk about a victimless crime.

This guy's beaten off to a movie because the internet hasn't been invented yet. Yeah. Ruins his entire career for that. God, how old are you? 46. Oh, you're 46? Okay, do you remember, were you a fan of Pee Wee's Playhouse when it was on? Oh yeah, I watched it every day. Dude,

me too. Every weekend. I was going like, ahhh! I own that DVD now. My wife was also a huge fan. So yeah, I own all of those episodes. My wife got us tickets to see Pee-wee's Playhouse Live. No, no shit. In LA, and then COVID happened, and it canceled all the Pee-wee shows, including ours. And then when COVID was over, he fucking died. It was like, and when I was a kid, I remember him getting busted for jerking off and I remember kind of understanding

what was happening and also thinking this is fucking bullshit they're gonna fuck up the show they're gonna fuck with the show somehow because of this and sure shit they pulled all the they pulled all the syndicated episodes right after that. Yep stopped airing. Yeah. And Paul Rubin's even said to the guys who busted him, like, guys, can I do some community service or PSAs or something? This is gonna destroy my career.

Yeah, they loved it. Which is a pretty reasonable thing. Like, is this really, what I'm doing right now, is that worth my career being ruined? They're like, yep. Yeah. Is that worth my Saturdays being ruined though? Right, yeah, exactly. I don't give a shit

You know Who is your favorite character on Pee Wee's Playhouse? Randy oh Randy I read he's a good one. Yeah, I can see right that makes a lot of sense when he fucked up peewees ice cream He had a little sidekick guy do Randy did a while. Yeah, he did. I didn't know that forget what his name is I like to Captain Carl Oh Captain Carl he was a hornball. Yeah, you really wanted to bang miss Yvonne. Yeah Yeah, I'll do one. I should do something to do something to I didn't know what it was

But I was like man, I wanted I don't know. I got to kill this woman or something. I got to do something to I didn't know what it was, but I was like man. I wanted I don't know I got to kill this woman or something. I got to do something here To get rid of this feeling anyhow she she went on to star in It's always sunny in Philadelphia. Yeah, she plays what's his name's Charlie's mom. Yeah, Charlie's mom She's like the ugliest grossest hag. It's like that's missing Puppet land no that's max mom is the hag Charlie's mom Charlie's mom. She's put on a lot of weight. She's fat, but she's still she looks sweet. She looks like okay

I don't know she looks like a nice old lady I don't know your type is that that's fine. I'll trust you. I like her as a grandma. You say so. Alright. I don't know what your type is, man. That's fine. I'll trust you on that. I like her as a grandma, you know. That's it. That's all I'm saying. Uh, what the fuck was my problem? Something about Peewee. Oh, photo albums. Photo albums! So there's a glut. If you hate child porn, vote up photo albums because every boomer's house is just loaded

with fucking soft, poor child pornography. And I bet the guys digitizing photo albums, you know, they're buying ads, they're on Google, like, we'll digitize your photos. If you find one that's too good to be true that the price is like we'll do it for free You know we'll do it for ten bucks. We'll digitize your photos. It's because they're run by fucking pedophiles Carl That's what I say the feds, but no that me makes no it's cuz the pedophiles are sitting there getting free Google ads and Running you know will digitize your photos, and they just take the photos and they find the ones of you in the bath

Jack off all over it. Oh my god. did it have to be a bubble bath? God damn it Imagine it just imagine it Imagine across the country all the naked little boys and girls in attics everywhere in basements everywhere Wow I didn't see you go in that direction with that. That's well done, sir Photo albums. First thing I thought of. Alright, that's your... What's your last problem? Alright, my last problem, and I want to thank Ryan Harkness on Twitter. Because when I sent this out, he sent me a suggestion. I went, yes, I've been bitching about this forever.

Scratch off lottery tickets. Okay. Let me explain. You know that scratch off lottery tickets. Okay. Let me explain. You know that scratch off lottery tickets pay 50% of what they earn in revenue? That's higher than I would have guessed. 50 cents on the dollar. Slot machines pay out 88 to 94%. Table games, if you're playing in a casino, much higher, blackjack as high as 99.5%,

craps 98.6% if you know how to play. Like that's what payouts should be. But the state, they decided they need 50% of the revenue. So the lottery is a tax on dumb people and dumb people tend to be poor. So it's a tax on poor people. America's poorest households spend 33 times more of their income on lottery tickets than the rich. The economist finds while looking at ticket sales across 24 states that for every 10% decrease in median household income, there's a correlated 4% hike in lottery spending. And in 2021, America spent $105 billion on lottery tickets. How much?

105 billion? 105 billion on lottery tickets. of that's not what the problem is yeah, that's not what the problem is The problem is the number of different scratch-off games that are available. Yeah, I looked this up in New York State We have 13 currently active. We have 13 $1 games 22 dollar games 8 $3 games 37 $5 games 16 $10 games 12 $20 games and 8 games that are $30 That's a hundred and fourteen different scratch off games that a customer could choose from yeah, and dick you've been to 7-eleven They're all stupid too, and you just want to grab your six-pack and bag of chips or whatever you're grabbing

Yeah, and you're in line Rhino pills and the yeah your Rhino pills, right and The guy in front of you is sitting there and he's picking out his lottery tickets well, let's see, I think I'll have a money match and a Blackjack doubler and yeah two cash words. Yeah, he's yeah, man What is the point of this if you ever watch someone play scratch-off tickets? They're not playing it where they're like all right scratch off this to find out what the magic number is then each one No, this is going to go nuts So there's no reason they like different games or a dollar.

I know, the few times I've played Scratcher, I'm always like meticulously reading the rules to make sure I don't fuck it up. Me too! And then when I'm done I'm like, oh you just scratch everything. Yeah. Of course. Why did I read the instructions? What was the point of all of this?

Why are the instructions even fucking printed on this thing? So every asshole just goes out in there and they scratch the whole thing off, they see if they want it, they throw it out and then scratch the whole next thing off. Yeah, wouldn't it be a better system? I'm not saying get rid of scratch off cards Yeah, would be a better system if there was one one dollar scratch off one two dollar scratch off one three one five one ten So the guy can just go up and go go Yeah, let me get two threes and four five box of these yeah Because this would this would be so much quicker and easier

And then don't give me started on holiday times because then they add a bunch of whole new games that are just for Santa Claus coming to town How did they determine that they needed like another different tie a pot of gold scratcher isn't that interesting? Yeah, so the state has employees that figure out how to steal money from old people and poor people and minorities people they're just like they're like scratching their heads like how do we market this new game that'll pay 48 cents on the dollar fucking bums they go down to the DMV like which one do you like? Yeah it's like squid game They're like do you want this lottery ticket or a sandwich and they always go?

I'll take the lottery ticket Yeah, did you watch did you watch the squid game? Recent season I've only seen one in two oh well. Yeah, yeah the second set okay Yeah, the guy goes around and he just like offers people a sandwich. He goes to homeless people offers of a sandwich Yeah, yeah, lottery ticket, and they all take the lottery ticket. This is what I'm talking about. This is a problem. These people need sustenance, they need food,

and they'd rather have an opportunity to win five bucks. And by the way, I watch these people. When they do win money, like let's say they have a scratcher that's two bucks, and they win 10. Guess what that gets them? Five more $2 scratchers. Every fucking time they give the money right back to him. I don't they just save like have like an eco-friendly

Scratcher where they just buy it and then the person says like oh you lost That's it. Yeah, just a hologram Nothing pops up just go. Nope. You lost. Yeah, just check a card like alright. Well, just pick up, you know Oh, you lost no. Yeah, I Can't believe they get away with all that shit still, all the lottery stuff. It's shocking to me. And gambling has just been legalized everywhere.

The whole sports gambling ecosystem. Yeah. So I watch a lot of sports. I'm actually watching the NBA game right now, but don't tell anyone, because I'm on the biggest problem. That's a big deal for me. But when you watch sports,

now the channel that's playing the sports owns a sports book. So they're like, Hey, so the fourth quarter is about to start. And right now, if you take over 87 and a half and you parlay that with man and they tell you what to bet and how much money you'll make. And then they tell you to go to their website and bet it like we're creating an entire generation of sports gambling addicts. It's really sad. They're gonna lose everything. They're gonna have to. You don't win money in the long term. It's the damages, the losses. It's worse gambling or staggering. And then it happens to like people who are otherwise functional. Like it's not like it's not like

liquor addiction or coke addiction where it's like, you're obviously fucked up. It's like oh man you had a you had a nice family in a house you know until you heard this ad. We've got we've got now it's gotten so bad that the that the DJs the like LA drive-time DJs like Heidi Frosty and Frank are a big one. And every once in a while, they'll have to read a sports gambling site ad. Like where Frank Kramer's talking about his best. I'm like, man, this is really low. This is really, this is a really dirty ad they got you reading here, buddy. By the way, I'm a libertarian, so I'm for all of this.

I think legalized sports betting and all of this is fine. I remember when I worked at E-bombs World, one of our biggest advertisers were the online gambling sites, especially online poker rooms, which in the early 2000s was completely legal. It was all offshore, but you could totally just go. I mean, we used to play online poker all the time. You just go and sit down and play used to play online poker all the time. Just go and sit down and play poker for a while. Well, then Congress came through and made that illegal.

And it shut down a huge revenue stream for E-Bow's world. Yeah, they just stopped advertising on our website because of that. So there was a time when we thought all this gambling stuff was terrible and we couldn't have even poker, which is not gambling in my opinion. time when we thought all this gambling stuff was terrible and we couldn't have even poker, which is not gambling in my opinion, it is, but it's an actual sport that takes skill. And to shut all of that down just two decades ago and now we're just legalizing everything

and encouraging people. It's going to turn into like just sports, the teams are the sports gambling. Like when the online porn companies bought the traditional porn companies, because they were just playing it all anyway, and they're like, oh, well, we'll just buy you. And we'll just own all the porn. It's gonna be sports teams just becoming part of the casino. It's really annoying that Dave Portnoy,

of all people, benefits from it. That's the worst. His ass walking around the way he does, and it's like, bro, your whole world could be shut down in like one bad year. Like a couple elections don't go the right way and you're done. Your whole world is done, which would be fucking great. Just to wipe that smug nose off this place. What happened with Dave last week talking about you can't make jokes about Jewish people yeah did you hear the remix oh well crack a meco yeah

put out that that was a banger yeah we played that on WTP this week and and the whole aftermath and everything like this is backfired on Dave Portnoy cuz now he's going out and doing his pizza reviews and everyone's just yelling after the juice. That guy one-shotted him, that Mo guy. Yeah. Mo Khan. I want to see if he'll come on my show. That's a pretty big win for that kid.

I would think so. Okay. What was your problem? Oh, so- Lottery, scratch-off lottery. Real quick, you just reminded me, speaking of sports betting, I played this on, who are these socials last night?

They're these guys, they all got together, they decided they had this bet where, do you know Angel Reese's? Yeah, that really ugly, the mustache girl in the WNBA. Dude, they put her on a McDonald's ad. Okay, yes. Out here, it's like, like, this is fucking disgusting. I don't know, look at this mustache bitch while I'm eating nuggets.

So Angel Reese has this rivalry with Caitlin Clark going back to college. And Angel Reese is black, so she's celebrated. And Caitlin Clark is white, so she's an asshole. And Angel Reese, she has her own podcast. She can't stop talking about great. She is and how important she is for basketball. Turns out she sucks at basketball. So I was watching these guys. They made this whole video montage. They bet six games in a row that Angel Reese would miss her first shot. Awesome bet. They won five out of six and he watched them watching as she goes up for an easy layup and just bricks it. She, she goes for a three pointer and just air balls it. It's easy layup and just bricks it. She goes for a three-pointer and just airballs it. They're just like screaming. They're hooting it out.

Do they have live betting on airballs and missed shots in the WNBA? You can bet anything, anywhere. Yeah. Oh, that might be fun. That is fun. I've heard they've got some kind of weird, like they've got real weird bets you can start doing now. Yeah. Like casino war to get people in the door. You ever play casino war?

Yeah. It was fun. It's probably the most fun. It's fun for a little while. Then you're like, all right. Just like regular war. Yeah. Just goes and goes and goes.

Like, all right, I'm done. They had last time I was in Vegas for hackamania, they had casino slapjack at Binions. What's that? Cause it's just slapjack with these gambling and betting. It was behind Binions. It wasn't in Binions, it was behind Binions. But the dealer said it was part of Binions.

Slapjack? I'm missing this. When you flip over a card and it's a jack, everyone slaps it. That's what I thought. Yeah. You can gamble on that? Well, we were. I's what I thought. Yeah. You can gamble on that? Well, we were. I mean, I don't know.

The guy in the dealer wasn't dressed like the other Binions guys, but he said it was a facial. Right, yeah. And we were betting sexual favors. Okay, yeah. It probably wasn't Binions. It was. I mean, I-

It probably wasn't sections. Not real. It probably wasn't. That was the most fun I ever had in Vegas. All right. I wasn't. That was the most fun I ever had in Vegas. Alright, our problems are missile defense systems internet beefs internet, that's a terrible problem

scratch off lottery tickets the guy who buys too many scratch off lottery tickets makes you wait in line how come none of them are like good or fun? like if they're trying to get new gamblers? Why isn't it like?

You know anime girls with huge tits. Yeah, you know why like like like match the three naked ladies You're like oh, this is the naked lady. I need to get three more Like those pens pull them upside down their clothes come off. Yeah like that. Yeah, yes exactly How many of those did you have when you were a kid those pens? Yeah, I didn't last long in my house you wear this is the problem like We have real marketing minds you and I we got good ideas. We wouldn't work for the government They can't find people like what if I could run the fucking lottery division? Oh man, I'm gonna make a scratch off lottery that's so devious. Every... The bums are gonna fucking kill each other to get a whole... You know? This is gonna be the most addictive scratcher yet.

Okay, here's an idea. So you know like you get that dust when you scratch the shit off Yeah, and you gotta like brush it off. Yeah, what if we start spreading the rumor that you could snort that? Then they don't even care if they want or not. They're just scratching it into a bag We'll call them scratch and snort like scratch and sniff scratch and sniff lotto ticket dude just because people love because people love that Activity people love that childhood activity Well, I'm currently I'm currently unemployed so if anyone from the New York State lottery is watching and they're enjoying these ideas I don't know but reach out to me Yeah, cuz I could do a lot better than like pot of gold. Oh pot of gold, too Okay, it's so boring. Yeah

same old shit Lucky sevens. How about the Chinese ladies crooked teeth you scratch off her teeth right and see if you win Scratch off those teeth you know That's a good one pretty good We're just spitballing. We'll come with better ideas. Yeah All right, what was it missile defense system scratch off lottery tickets internet beefs and fucking something else I think it was

photo albums you keep forgetting photo albums the child pornography problem yes that's the show we turn into the Pee Wee Herman problem for some reason dude that the last oh man I saw that the first documentary, the part one, and I was like, oh, this is awesome. Maybe I should just stop here because I know what happens next. The second one is such a bummer, man. I didn't know about Peewee's,

because big adventure is when I got introduced to Peewee, that movie, Tim Burton's phenomenal masterpiece. I didn't realize that he was touring all over the country and selling out all these theaters and everyone's going nuts for him. It's like, holy shit, that's cool. And he was a guy that he was doing that with me and he was doing that just to prove that he should be given a movie deal. Like I can I have a fan base.

People will buy it. People go to this movie. Here's proof. It's like, wow, that's crazy. Yeah, that's what it's like with the when Republicans are running the show. I forget sometimes what it's like when they're back in power in all ways. You're like, oh yeah, you guys killed my favorite TV show after it was done. You took all the reruns off of TV back when VHS cost $90 a piece. And I only got to pick one tape every month. That's what you fuckheads did. So I just had to remember Cherry and Roboty.

And Penny. I just had to try and I didn't know watching it all the way through the first time that I was going to have to memorize them. Because I'd never fucking see them again That's what you guys took Yeah No, I hated was the The fun house gang or the clubhouse gang

Playhouse gang I guess they were called they're like the little kids that started showing up on the show That's what I said. That's what I jumped the shark for me. I'm like I don't Yeah, that's what I said. That's what I jumped the shark for me I'm like, I don't know on here. Yeah, that's weird I'm the only kid in Pee-wee's playhouse, right? Yeah, exactly. It's me and Roboty have it Don't look at Roboty like that me and him have a thing That was definitely not his name was definitely not his name was Roboty. It wasn't? No, it was like something 2000 Robot 2000? Sherry? Someone in the chat knows 2000

Terry the pterodactyl sure yeah, I didn't get that one the Randall the bully cherry Mm-hmm. This is a fun job. John B. Who was the indian guy? Well, he was the great he granted wishes he was lying that was off. Who was the indian guy? Well? Well he was the great he granted wishes He was lying that was all that was bullshit, okay? Fair enough yeah, you had the puppet band yeah cool cat was in the public band Yeah, Lawrence Fishburne was there he was yep the cop they had a cop oh

The king of cartoons king of cartoons cop Are the king of cartoons? Who was the king of cartoons? He was like he was like fucking blackula A cocky thank you silent shape. Corky was the name was the robots not robot I'm pretty sure it was my version was secondary audio programming I watched the Mexican version. Fair enough. Where we go, Deleza palabra secreto es Es mucho mucho we go. Ay ay ay ay ay It was different uh, okay go to go to biggest problem dot show vote on the problems Go to patreon.com slash biggest problem

and give us, and get the dad episode. Oh man, it's hot, if you like hot dad action, if you like hot dad action, hit up to Patreon and of course, patreon.com slash is who are these podcasts? Yes, patreon.com slash who are these podcasts? We do two bonus episodes every month. Dick and I have done a couple crossovers recently. Yeah, we have.

We're going to do a crossover in Boston as well. Come see that. Yes. All right, let me do, you want to hang out for Super Chats, or do you want to Gabe Hoffman it? I'm here. Pitch out. Did you see that I was really sad that Gabe didn't read this one,

because he was talking about Redo of Healer, and someone Super Chatted, would you do Redo of Healer if it meant preventing the Holocaust? But he left before it. Keanu didn't read that one to him You did you see that with that super chat and you gave one too that was a ten dollar But you didn't know that they were only reading $20 super chats. That was the whole I didn't that they had ah Damn, it's crazy. I Should have figured that though with Gabe

Because he's a smart money manager. What's your experience with Gabe before this? You know who he is? Uh, no, not really. Just that he's always like, he's always like reporting people's shit. Yeah. I know that he's talked about Merck a lot in the past. Yeah. I don't really know anything about him. Okay. I knew, uh, just that he was like, Mr, I'm going gonna short Tesla and Tesla's not Tesla's gonna go nowhere and he's always on CNBC talking about how

Tesla's going to zero and then and I think he bet like 80 million dollars or a hundred million dollars on it and Tesla Like 120 X or something like that. Yeah, so he's a hedge fund manager. So he bet other people's money on that Yeah or something like that. Yeah, so he's a hedge fund manager, so he bet other people's money on that. Yeah. He looks out well. Yeah, I don't know how much of who's he bet on that. It didn't look like he was living in no $100 million house when he was talking to Keanu though.

It looked fine. I'm sure he's doing well. All right, let's read some of these super chats. This is usually Vito's job, so I'll probably fuck it up. Kuf for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Thank you, Kuf. Com Antilles for ten. The biggest problem is unreliable co-hosts. You know what? Tell Vito something nice. Maybe he's finally working getting his comic across the finish line. Yeah, wouldn't that be cool?

Vito's finish line happens to be about a mile long. It's like it's all the white paint. It just goes on for another mile. I got there. Oh shit. Yeah. It's like it's like a gradient. It just gets a little bit wider every week. week. How was that comic book? Is it good? Have you read it? No, I haven't read it. I don't think it's done. Oh, it's not done. No, I think he's serious. He's like, um, every time he posts something, it's like a tweak here and a, uh, writing on a sign or something. Uh, I don't know. I don't know what his method is, but I'll never forget what Trey Parker said in that South Park documentary where he talks about, cause he rapid fire writes those shows. Like he starts writing it on Monday. It's on live on the air on Wednesday. And he said, look at, I could definitely go back and spend twice as much time on it. And it would go from 95% to a hundred percent.

But it's not worth twice as much time for that extra 5% increase in quality. Yeah. Just move on. It's done. Move on to the next thing. Yeah. Ugh.

Well, we'll see. Cameron for two, feeling more human shieldy by the day. Yeah, you and me both, buddy. Stu K for two, when life gives you lemons, you eat them. Baldr for five, well, well, well, another week, another diabetes crash out. Carl U-S-U-C-K. Oh, I spelled that out. That's not nice.

Skitzo Sean TV for five. Crimson will be co-hosting another After Problem with me live after this episode. Check out the Skitzo Sean TV show and the After Problem. Black Crimson for five. Thanks for the snacks, Sean TV show and the after problem. Black Crimson for five, thanks for the snacks and thank you for not killing yourself. Hi Carl. Oh hi.

Mike Laterius for five, Vito upon you is cast a curse, sudden uncontrollable diarrhea while sitting in traffic coupled with frequent sneezes. Oh that's a bummer. Beach Hook for two, Rip Bue band but not forgotten. Galactic Ho for five, say hi to Clubby Feet for me, Richard. Hello from Galactic Hoe. Mike Laterius for two, no veto. So I guess that curse is for you, Carl.

Oh, super chatted early. Hate, hated, hated, hated Derek, hated Derek. A hundred, whoa! Whoa! Ancient spirits of evil transformed this decayed form to mumra Tarded mum retarded the ever-living Thank you Hated D rock or hated D rock. I don't know what his head Chris Schofield for two poor man's veto. Let's see you Carl

Kate Kate off Kate off swift for five. What is Vito out rioting? I don't know what he's doing. I'm excited to be on. Hopefully he's getting all his goddamn super killers together. SB for two, did Vito die on the way back to his home planet? He might have.

That's a poochy reference. I know some things about the Simpsons. You can't resist, Carl. I can't resist it. If someone were to say something Simpsons related, you would have to say that's a Simpsons reference. I just want SB to know that we're on the same page. Like Wile E. Coyote, right? Just like that. Levin Trashy for two, calling it X is really gay. Boo Carl. Hated D Rock for 10. Elsewhere in the lands of the third world earth. Wynino.

Plunder, plunder. Fat Joe. Very good. Hated Rock, thank you. Oh, you know what that is? That's a Thundercats reference. Plunder, plunder, plunder, plunder, fat. Spider Returnal for two.

I really hope Vito is in jail. Sup Carl? Rock Gun. He turned himself in. Spider-Eating All for Two, I really hope Vito is in jail. What's up, Carl? Rock on. He turned himself in. Imagine you get caught, a cop pulls you over and you got all these photo albums that you took from your mom's house

and the photo album falls open and it's you as a baby, naked, in the bathtub. And there's too much mail that's squeezed out next to it. Chucking dits in your ass's squeezed out and no how you gonna explain that's a cop I don't it's not it's not child pornography it's me he's like yeah right who has a naked picture of themselves in the casey shiffle for two need more Brendan Shauve content okay hack the movies for five I'm jealous Carl gets to host on a remote episode that isn't a total disaster thank you Carl, and we didn't even have to check in with the audio. We just immediately started. Thanks Tony from act the movies

Fast fat guy 666 for 5. Love you guys I'm from Massachusetts and I'm going to Boston to see you both live next Saturday can't wait PS Where's you know at I don't know and thank you. Maybe we'll know by Boston. So ask again plumb oh for 5 Why are his headphones upside down? Are you headphones upside down? They're not, no. They wrap around. Oh, what do you got? Fancy headphones? I like earbuds. Big fan of earbuds. Are they better? Yeah, because they don't fuck with your hair. Oh, wow. My hair looks fucking stupid today. I look like a Lego man. I didn't want to say anything. Being a guest at all. It looks like a, it looks like a Lego man. I didn't want to say anything. Being a guest at all.

It looks like a businessman, like a shitty, I look like that senator with a hair piece. That Indian guy. Doesn't even know what country he's in. You know? That guy with the big lips. It's not a good look, man. It looks like he just farted and he's like snuck it by, you know, little fucking little sneaky fuck sneaky little piece of shit.

Plumbo. Yeah, the headphones. Manny Musket's for five. See y'all in Boston. Oh Manny! See ya Manny. What's up, buddy? We'll see you in Boston. Looking forward to it, man. Fast Fat Guy 66642. Carl, thank dick for putting me on to creep man. FastFatGuy666 for two. Carl, thank Dick for putting me on to Creep Off. Thank you Dick. Thecreepoff.com. Vote for Carl. You're welcome. Don't unsubscribe from my stuff if you subscribe to the Creep Off though. Keep your subscription to me and also subscribe to the Creep Off. Marketing for ten. How's Dick not on the Super Tic Tip system? Dick loves money. I know I just haven't looked at it. I'm sorry. Bushog, do you use it? Yes. You do? You do the voices and stuff? Oh yeah, yeah we got all the voices on our channel. It's great. It's fun. Yeah. You guys have fun with them.

Bushog for two. Money, thanks. Austin Nicks for five. Rip Bus. Uh, who's bus? I don't know. Hot Fart Dingledorf for five. Glad to see my two gay dads enjoying some quality time together. Have a great rest of your show. Thanks Hot Fart. Again for five. Does Dick get all the Super Chat money from this episode because Vito didn't show up? No.

Um, Vito does the books, so I actually don't know what happens to it. Chris Sheffield for five. Bring Sonichu to Boston. Oh, should I do something with this Sonichu in Boston? Should I get rid of it in Boston? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what happens to it Chris show field for five bring Sonichu to Boston. Oh Should I do something with the Sonichu in Boston? Should I get rid of it in Boston bring both of our side of choose to Boston and throw them in the like Boston Tea Party should fucking touch them together

At the Airbnb when our wives fall asleep, yeah make a should we make belt buckles out of them? And where because mine has a pub so it's probably meant to be. What if we made belt buckles out of our sonnichus? Dick let's talk about this off air. Come on! I don't want to agree to anything that gay out of the air. That's right where you want the curse. Right there, your power! Johnny Rocket for five.

Dear Carl, God will be avenged at Boston Road rage. Beautiful. Have you read The Maniac, Carl? From Johnny Rocket? I have not. No. Oh, it's pretty funny. Oh my gosh, I played his Maddox AI stuff on WTP this week though. That was great. Yeah, he's great. The Maniac is like, it's like a cracked out version of The Tick almost. Did you read that comic? Yeah, cracked out version of The Tick almost. Did you read that comic? Yeah, yeah, I wrote The Tick.

Yep. Yeah, it's drawn like The Tick. It looks like The Tick. It's kind of a world that's similar to The Tick. But he's like, he smokes crack. There's this, I don't know, this one scene when he's going into like his Bruce Wayne avatar is going into a meeting.

And he goes, oh, I need to loosen up a little bit. And you expect him to have like a drink. And the next panel is him smoking a crack pipe. That's good. This is fun. It's funny. Johnny Rock. Maniac with a K at the end. Yeah, one K.

Yeah, we're right. Yeah, one K. I know you like your, Whoa, whoa, whoa. Patrick writes in for 10. This ain't it fam. Well, sorry, Patrick. Lucian Stern for seven. This ain't it fam. Well sorry Patrick. Lucian Sturm for 7.

If you loved Katy Perry going to space, stay tuned because Blue Origin is sending an actual Nigerian scammer named Owalabi Salis. Incredible stuff. Oh cool. Strategery for 5. Imagine expecting to see a normal show with dicks and veto, but instead we get Carl

and what are these dicks in my ass? Imagine that. Gay bitch for 4,000 for two. Veto might be dead right now. Well, you better have wired me my half of the show money before he killed himself if he is dead. Austin next for five, my problem is Carl not being vetoed, but somehow also veto not being vetoed. No veto being vetoed Oh So his problem. Yeah, everyone's very confused about they feel about veto these days We love veto. We love including him Mike Luttreous for two F intercontinental. I want inter plants inter planetary missiles Yeah, man something

Mike's force. Yeah, but space offense of course, not defense, not just missile shooting down. Mike Hunt for five, the guy from the podcast Sleepy Cabin that Carl Roast had got to show on Adult Swim called Smiling Friends. Pretty cool I guess. Yeah, no I know. That guy was on Newgrounds back in the day to a very talented artist their podcast sucked Smiling friends escape great though. Yeah, so coof for five. Of course, Carl just do it hamburger would suggest the gay bomb There you go. Flutterdashy sixty-four. I didn't say the gay bomb dick did I just I just thought it was a good idea You're so gay that the words in my mouth coof flutterdashy64 for five. Mr. Masterson, you are losing so much money on this. We only super chat so we can bully Vito. Well, thanks for letting me know. Dean Shockford 2, thanks for the last stick. And Lady K?

Mike Haunt for five. Death disease horror. That's what war is all about. That's what makes it a thing to be avoided. You've made it neat and painless. Oh Captain Kirk Yes, JJ for 10 that youtuber hit reminded me of that couple that got murdered in Plains Township, Pennsylvania Guy shot one of them than the other and neither of the victims had any urgency Ideal Mexican for 10 wait, I remember that that was the one where the guy was like shoveling. He was out shoveling and The the neighbor just came across and just shot them right I don't know is that what happened was it an internet thing Yeah, it was it was like a really weird like neighborly beef thing or it's just like oh, you're not gonna Help me with my driveway, and you're doing your drive. We just came on. Yeah, just go on shot him

Sorry, uh You always got to kind of watch out for that and you're doing your dry weights. I'll show you piece of shit. Yeah, just get on shot of, sorry. You always gotta kinda watch out for that. Neighbors, am I right? Yeah, you're like, ah man, have I been fucking up too much in my house? Let me look, let me get a bead on these fuckers. See if anybody's looking at me weird. Balder for five, panic attack Vito, poor health Vito, can't do the show Vito.

Ideal Mexican for 10, Vito couldn't make it today. Artichokeo for five, Carl, can you please give Vito can't do the show Vito. Ideal Mexican for 10, Vito couldn't make it today. Artichokeo for five, Carl can you please give Vito some advice since we all know he's watching this live? I have a lot of advice for Vito, he doesn't listen. Falls on deaf ears. That's true. Glenn Lentz for five, Carl's absolutely right. Don't marry for boobs.

Some of the women with the biggest nicest racks are the worst to listen to and have to live this that with you only think that because you're only listening to the women with huge tits they're all that bad to listen to my comfort five no matter what your son's name ends up being no one can stop you from calling him Donald especially if that's his middle name I have already informed everyone of that little loophole but thank you Mike pigeon for 10 Colorado has scratcher vending machines. Make the lotto machine exclusive.

Pigeon for two, Gotcha Games have the weeb market cornered. Not a mark for five, Carl is gay. Any response to that, Carl? Thanks a lot, Mark. Good to see you, buddy. Let's see, oh, looks like we've got some more. And I'm not going to Boston, Justin Brodyk for five. I'm not going to, I'm going to Boston,

but not bringing my special shirt, which caused trouble at Philly. Some people have no sense of humor. What did his shirt say? Something about racism? Yeah, I don't remember. Lopony ass, Lopony, Lopony, ass eater for five. Hello, hello.

Oklovich for two. Richard looks like a Mexicanican steve from minecraft Oh, you know what'd be nice about? Boston is the merch table when we were in philadelphia Vito decided to take over our merch tables. Yeah push all of our Pre-created stuff that we brought there to sell to fans and listeners. He said get this out of my way I'm gonna draw on undershirts I got a buck here somehow. Yeah, that will not be happening in Boston. Thank God

Yeah, I guess I've my hair kind of does look like a Mexican Steve here Oh, I can't bring it up easily. All right. Thanks everybody Hopefully Bito will will be back next week, you know. Obviously, we miss him. But thanks for filling in, Carl. Next week, I think you're going to be in Boston at this time. Oh, shit! So we're not doing... Oh, no! So we're not doing it. So we're going to have a meetup somewhere in Boston. We've got to figure that out, by the way.

Ooh! Maybe we'll do a Thursday show? Yeah, do a Thursday show. You did a Thursday show last week. You can do that again. Ah, okay. I'll try. I'll see what I can do. Why are you freaking out about this? What's going on?

Uh, well, because then two weeks without a show? Without Bido? No, this isn't a show. We just did a show. This is a show. Oh, you know, like a normal show. This is a great, this is a better than a normal show. This is like a special show.

I'm confused. What's going on right now? I don't know. This is a better show than usual. I had a stroke. I had a stroke just now. This is a great. This is a better than a normal just like a special show I'm confused. What's going on right now? Stroke I had a stroke Shows up right what's going on? What does that fit? He talking about I? Was talking this I was talking to my wife celebrity guests just now like what the fuck I get it Oh, yeah, you're at the blaze right. Yeah, right big shot over here

Did they what did they put you up in they put you up in a nice hotel? Yeah, just a hotel. Just a hotel nearby Money man, they got all that flying in Carl They do they pay money they pay for flights hotels ubers. They're they're very kind of Wow It's very nice, but who are these calm give you like a little certificate I was mine like I was on the blaze and it's and on this the 2000 and the fifth month I and then it's got a line and it's like Carl hamburgers was on the blaze No, but Dave land out made eye contact with me,

so that was neat. Oh, that's pretty cool. That was pretty cool. WhoAreThese.com is where you wanna go for all things who are these podcasts, and wherever you listen to podcasts, you can subscribe, and it shows up twice a week, who are these podcasts in your podcast play

every Thursday and Sunday. Did you get bigger during the show? I tried to make us the same size. I thought we were the same size. Maybe I leaned in too much. Yeah, you've been leaning in the whole fucking show to try to look bigger than me. I'm pulling my camera closer to me. Now we're the correct size.

All right, well, goodbye everybody.