The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 201

Episode Date: August 30, 2025

It sounds so bad. What do you mean bad? What bad about it? What do you mean? Oh, like, it's like hearing a rock tumbler talk in a tin can under the ocean. How about now? Do you like it now? Is it better now?

It's just bad. All right. So should I turn it back? Okay, is this better? Who even gives a shit? This is number one. It's unfixable. It's unfucking fixable.

biggest problem in the universe what is the fucking point okay is this better what is the point when the sound always sounds this bad it's never going to sound good the simplest fucking thing process of recording audio from bad indian drivers to destiny destiny texting miners those captain cheese

That was a good one Maybe I don't have the mic under me enough Obtuce Nome says from guys who can't flip a Ui To Destiny's Dick getting screwy Another Destiny's Dick Rhyme From obtus'none Does it sound better now? How about now?

Now it should sound better Yeah, what happened? I'm not gonna tell you What happened? I fixed it What did you do? The cord was a little loose The cord wasn't plugged in

The cord was obviously plugged in The cord was obviously plugged in. It was just a little, it wasn't completely there, all right? How's that? Was that better? What it? I fixed it. Trio, Doug, tell me what happened.

What happened? I was looking down. I was looking down. I don't want to play an instant replay. Chat, tell me what happened. What just happened? The mic was plugged in. I fixed the mic.

Everything's fine. Is it better now? It's obviously better now. It's a fucking. So it's a lot better. It's a fucking computer equipment. It has to, it's electronics. It's obviously better plugged in.

Well, it was a little loose. The cord was a little loose. Can you put it in that jiggered state where it's half plugged in so we can compare the two? I just, I need to tighten this is what I need to do there. Now it's tightened. I've tightened the, the mic. Can you put a fucking, oh, you wrote, you rotated it. Was it backwards?

The mic was backwards. You had to loosen it and twist them. The fucking mic was backwards. Was the mic backwards? I'm going to watch. I'm watching the fucking stream. I'm going to watch it right now. Was it?

It was turned a little bit to the side. Oh. So I needed to get it. I needed to gab. The pickup pattern was like off a little bit. So I had to turn the mic a little bit more towards me. You mean pointed the wrong way. Like a gun.

Like a gun. shooting the wrong way. It was like 20 degrees off going the wrong way. So off. There's a little off. Not, not completely off. It was a little off. From Indian traffic infractions to liberal tourist attractions. That's Wet Bandit did that one. Yeah, it sounds better. Okay. See? Everything's fine. And I figured it out. So, uh, get on me.

Does Vito need to be turned up, everyone? That's one one. Hey, why don't you... Now are the levels all screwed up? Why don't you paint a sandwich on the side that needs to face your mouth so that we don't make this mistake again? Well, now we know one of the things that can go... Whatever, you've had problems before. Your fucking equipment has failed.

The equipment didn't fail. The operator failed. The operator failed. Well, sometimes, you know, there's so many things that can go wrong. And thankfully, we figure... out what they were. What did you say that you just recorded a YouTube video? Yeah. And it worked fine? Yeah, it sounded okay, I thought.

Was it plugged in while you were recording the video? I think the mic, this thing got loose, the little nut got loose, so the mic spun in its little cradle, and it ended up pointing the wrong way. Okay. Um, here was the problems from last week. Sounds better. Uh, not being able to buy the same thing again. That's a big problem. That's a big problem. That was me, as encouraged by you. That's a good problem.

Fucking up. Well, that's, I couldn't get the same air conditioner. I had to go one stage up, so this is even more powerful than the one I wanted. Why don't you get a good one? Like, why don't you get a quiet one? Like, whisper quiet. Get the Mitsubishi. I don't think those things are good.

I don't think those things work good. They're great. Yeah, but this, I like feeling the fucking air blasting me. Fido, they have ones that come with levels, like a soft fan level and a super high, like, jet level. Do you know that? I don't know, man. I just need, I don't know. You didn't think getting one with a quiet fan was important?

Well, obviously not, because I can just run the fucking sound, uh, what, dampening software, and it sounds fine. How are you, how do you make your living recording audio and you don't understand that, like, a filter can't pull out? 50 decibel 55 decibels of white noise from a recording. I get that. I get it. Okay, I just it's like a showy-o-ton. That's like a baseball player going on the field and going where does this where does this material for this material for this glove even come from? Is it like plastic? It's just so fucking hot that I just got a giant air conditioner because I'm dying. Why don't you get a quiet one? And also the the best thing about YouTube and whatever is that everyone has been conditioned to mostly

accept, like, not great audio anyway. No, that's... That's... If your channel's not doing well, that would be a good reason why. You gotta have good audio. They don't watch it, they listen. I've never had any complaints. They just start, turn it off.

They're like, fuck this. These guys sound like shit. Off. I think... Well, if the audio... Somebody go watch my YouTube videos. Tell me if my audio's really that terrible. I don't think it's that bad. Fucking up the landing. Number two, I don't even remember what the point of that was. Fucking up the landing. What was that? I don't know what that was either. How did that get on there?

I don't know. Trio Doug told it to me. Woke museums, obviously, a big problem. People didn't vote, right? Guys who can't flip a Ui. And Destiny's Dick, 41. I thought I'm missing one, but I didn't copy it, I guess, so it's not here. Captain Cheese says, I really thought we were going to see Vito's Bud Dwyer impression this week.

I don't know why. That would be cool. Oh, because of the emails stuff not going on. Big Z for a man who makes audio for a living, who's also a big nerd. Vito sure seems to have a lot of trouble with input devices and basic windows set. Guys, the mic was pointing the wrong way. The lace is out. The mic was pointing the wrong way.

Laces out. Martin O'Keefe says Mr. Beast gave $10,000 to the wrestler that Raja Jackson assaulted. I wonder how Vito's seething jealousy of Mr. Beast will warp this into a bad thing. what do you think it's a bad thing so he gave money to the guy who got beat up in the ring yeah by one of the africans that he was watering giving water to one of them beat up it's not a bad thing a veteran a veteran a veteran of these united states mr beast uh yeah he got a little PR for himself 10 grand i gave a homeless guy a dollar isn't that whole you know incredible it's like yeah whatever uh i think um

I think he should have given him more than 10 grand That lady who called a black kid The N-word on the playground She got 800 grand And she bought a house And she bought a house And it says no N-words on the front door I don't know what it says

She paid 50 bucks for that sign Now she's actually in like legal trouble Which makes no sense What are they going to say? Like disturbing the piece What are you going to get her on? They said they're only arraining her or charging her Because they don't want to piss black people off the press release said that

I should have brought in the N-word defense as a voted up is that the people prosecuting her can now go well we have to put her in jail or else they're gonna hundred well I'm saying why did how much did Mr. Beast give to her that there you go

that's my question yeah yeah yeah he'll take the easy road out but he's not supporting the lady who's cussing out children on how much how much is it

I want I want the African charity that I can pay to destroy those wells where is that I think they just do it themselves because they want the materials to sell. Yeah, but I want to like put, they'll put like a mural and stuff for you on it. I want to pay the group that's destroying those wells to put like a logo of mine or something on it. I think we were talking about it on here.

The worst thing is like in India. They're like, oh, we're going to build infrastructure. We're going to, you know, pave these roads. And they come back the next day and the villagers are smashing up the concrete because they think they can fucking sell it. And they're like, what are you going to do? There's nothing in there. and they're like, we can sell the road elsewhere. We're like, how you're going to sell the fucking road?

Is that how concrete works, you retards? They're like, ah, forget it. Stupid. Okay, something about you. Spook Horse says, imagine, I'm just reading these in order, the top comments. Imagine delaying a comic for years and for the sake of getting it perfect. And then you release a colorless four out of ten comic where everyone just stands around not looking at each other while saying exposition.

Not looking at each other. Interesting criticism. I'll take it. Beto, you got to look at each other. The worst part of Superkiller is the lack of eye contact. How do you know who they're talking to? If they're not, what are they looking at? It could be anything.

Yeah, exactly. Are they looking at the fucking door? Are they looking at somebody else? EBS is a famous review. He said, pretty good, but a definite lack of eye contact. Well, you got to have some chemistry, your characters, don't you think? You're right.

They've got to have some sparks. Sometimes you've got to draw little dots like boop, boop, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo to show what they're looking at. That's a classic Archie thing, I think. Is it? Archie stole that from me? Yeah, I think, well, Archie used to do the, didn't he do the, ooh? No, I invented that. Is he looking at Veronica?

Or is he looking at that ice cream Sunday? Oh. And he goes, I only got eyes for you, doll. And Veronica's like, oh, Archie, but the dots are looking. Looking at the ice cream Sunday. Maybe Jughead. Archie wouldn't do that shit. Archie also...

Well, I guess Jughead, yeah, would be more... Come on. No, Archie was the same. The classic one where he makes the kid leave the room. The kid's playing with the toy trains. You know, that one? The one where it's like a double... How did you get two hot dogs?

And then he's like a double N-word, that one? Yes, that one. Oh, no, I'm thinking about the robotic comic. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. He makes the kid leave the room. He goes, hey, kid, get out of here. me and my gal you know are hanging out

I'll give you $5 to leave and the kid's like oh boy I was like the kid leaves Archie gets on the carpet and he's playing with the trains like we Brock is like yeah you fucking

playing with trains that's weird yeah man so was Archie just like I don't care I love Archie I would talk about Archie all day Kevin says

people will downplay what Dick is saying about the museums but it is insane how much constant minority peddling exploded in museums especially in the last

five years. Absolutely nothing of value just cram in more propaganda messaging. Yeah, they're terrible. They're really ruined. Well, I haven't been to any, so I don't know. The whole world of art is like, what do you do? What do you do?

Urb Beta Patch says, why would a secret society of child rapists want to use coded language symbols to reach out to others while disguising their legal actions? Vito probably, said you said that. Yeah. I don't know

Triangles Why would they? Fido? Why would they? You're the expert. Why have you guys had all this time? How have you never found like the pedophile guy

who's making all the fucking triangles? It would be one thing if it's like We caught notorious Pedophile Potter Bob Bradley who's making all the triangle bowls for all the pedophiles

Then I'd go okay But where's that guy? His head shaped like a cone Like a triangle Yeah, exactly. Triangle, man. Angel Blade Meow says all the kevetching

and complaining about the colors and it's in black and white. 11 out of five, great joke, Vito. That's how you do it. That's how you get them. The colored version looks good, too. Anthony Tall says I didn't get an email. Peter Orchard Studios says

Superkiller's not tragically late, just unfortunately late. Lull. I put those in quotes, I don't know, maybe that was a quote. Machango says, congratulations, Vito. Inseparable, the band says over 50% of Vito's Superkiller Post excuses in the last year were about colors. Then we get this shit, he says. Well, as I've explained, I did the colors in the black and white in tandem.

So they kind of went together. What that means? It means that I thought I could just make the black and white version, but then I realized I needed to, like, I could. I had to do them simultaneously. Oh. The Yon Ranger says EBS Super Killer Review is going to be amazing. Yeah, we'll be amazing.

Okay, it's gibberish. The world of comics, huh? Entrapment isn't a crime. It's a legal defense, and it only works as a defense if the government does... Blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Savage Gamer. I'm so glad it's out, so now we don't have to hear any more. Fucking shilling, he says.

uh the ominous one i have nothing to shill there's nothing to shill don't say don't say that the ominous one find something else says i just finished super killer i enjoyed it more than i thought i would i'll likely skim it over once a colored copy comes out great job veto and team wow you can thank all your team well everybody did a great job i'm very excited uh okay that's it the rest are mean. Do you have a... You can read the mean ones, it's fine. I don't give it.

I don't want to give them that satisfaction. I don't care. Okay. Well, uh, I do have a segment, a very beloved segment. I call vote it up. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Yes, hello and welcome to the show. Is that this one already?

Yeah, we did this one. Whatever. Just whatever. Guys, wait a minute. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Don't send me vote it up, and then it's not an MP3. It's like, vote it up, and then it's like, hey, here's a YouTube video. Don't send me that shit.

Yours SSR-I That is the premise Of the show For in the universe What problems Worrector I will Kill your family Voter I will kill your family

Welcome to vote it up Dick Got a couple Voted Ups here for you From episode 168 Not too long ago I think you did this problem. The problem of plushies.

Plushies? Some people love plushies. Some people despise them. Oh, yeah. You're the plush toys. Yeah. And Bo Black's plush and all sorts of other delightful collectibles. Well, Dick, have you gotten in on the Labuboos?

Yeah, I have a Lubu. You have a Labubu, really? Yeah. How'd you get a Labubu? I don't know. Somebody gave it to me for some reason. Somebody gave you a little. Is it a rare Labubo?

No, it's the most common one. It sucks. Oh, well, Wang Neng, the man behind the viral Labubu dolls. The what? Wangming? This is Wangming? Wang Ming? Wang Ming. All right.

The man behind the Laboubu is now $20 billion richer, making him wealthier than some of the world's most prominent billionaires. Shares of Chinese toy maker Pop Mart have surged more than 250, percent this year on the back of the Laboo Boo Krays, putting CEO Wang Nang's net worth at $27.5 billion. Why?

Can you believe it? I don't know, man. Well, because people are investing in the Pop Mart. I don't know if you've been to a... What's the mall near me? Pop Mart is the people who make the Laboooo. They make all the little, like, trading figures and stuff. That you buy the blind box and you get a random one.

I have some of them. You have some of them. Okay. Surprise. Yeah, but, well, I didn't buy the right ones. I should have bought the Lububoos. If I bought the loboos, they would be worth money. They make, like, they have a bunch of different little, like, series, like, an artist designs,

like, these little figurines or whatever. And you... Just look up Pop Mart. You can see. Nothing. I don't want that shit in my search history. Well, now they're putting, you know, there's vending machines in all the malls, and actually the mall's getting in a dedicated Pop Mart store, I saw.

Like the Thai Beanie Baby Store? It is literally. they're opening like a beanie baby store in the fucking mall and people are lining up for this shit. I see people in lines at the fucking the vending machine for these things. Okay. Well, uh, thanks to his nearly, again, this guy owns 50% of his company. So he kept most of it. Well, it was crap. That's the thing is he's like, ah, I'm just making stupid little toys. I don't think he expected to be a billionaire. It's kind of like an incredible rags to riches story here. Uh, he's currently worth more than Michael Dell, Jeff Bezos. And this is in

saying to me, Warren Buffett. It's like, well, at least he makes something. From Labuboos. How is Labubu selling that much? But it's not the hell's buying the fucking stock. Why is anyone buying that shit? Dude, I don't know why the stock is, no.

Pop Mart went public on Hong Kong stock exchange in December 2020, below $6 a share, currently closed around $44 on Tuesday. But why would you buy this stock? Like, where is the fucking ceiling for a little monster animals. Where it is?

It's right now. Yeah, this is it can't That's it. This is it. It's not It happens every time. This is it. I mean, I guess you could say What if there's a Laboo Boo Boo Boo video game or a Laboo movie, but that's still not going to add up to $27 billion. How the fuck is there going to be a Laboooo

video game? And they make a movie out of fucking everything. A video game out of everything. Well, how much is that worth? I'm sure they're going to make a fucking Laboobu something, man. They'll make an interactive experience for your VR headset. So, like, are the Smurfs worth $20 billion?

No, that's why this doesn't make any sense. I don't even think Pokemon's worth $27 billion. I bet, I bet Pokemon's worth $27 billion. If anything's worth $27 billion, it's fucking Pokemon, not Labou. Definitely, Pokemon. Yeah, Pokemon's probably worth a trillion dollars. $25, yeah, it's a 25-year franchise that's proven itself across multiple generations. Labubu is, hey, Asian girls like buying this little monster doll.

By the box. Where's the Rule 34 of Labuboos? Are there any sex cults, like furries, but Labuboos that look down on the furies? I don't understand the Labubu. I don't, like, of all the things to get popular, I'm looking at this little... Do you have any? No, I don't have it. No, you should get one, you get it.

When you get the Labubu, and the moment that you take it out of the little, you open the little wrapper, and it starts kind of, it feels like it starts kind of wiggling almost its way out of the rapper. You look down at it And you see that they are That it is a unique It is unique Even the common ones Are unique in their own way

I can't explain it It's very intimate experience So you're in on Laboooooooo Yeah but I only need one I don't need a whole shopping center of Labuboos You gotta get one You gotta get a couple of boo-boos for yourself You'll enjoy it

Oh hold on not that one You gotta buy a couple of boobos This is what I got What do you mean? This is the This is the ones I bought from the same company. You bought this fucking Playmobile shit? I bought this chubby girl with glasses because I think she's fun.

What the fuck? I have a couple of these. You know, this is weird. This is what I like. This is cool. No. So all the pieces like in. You bought like a little girl you put in your pocket?

It's not a little girl. She's clearly a grown woman who drinks coffee. That is not. Clearly a grown woman. If that woman was grown, she'd be fatter than hell. That is a little girl. Well, the sneakers and the heads are interchangeable, and the sneakers are even magnetic, so you slot them in.

This is how they cured serial killers. Used to be serial killers was a big epidemic. I have the brown one. This one's the best one, the zombie shirt. I want to get the rest of them, though. But now the pop mart's taken off. I'm not going to be able to get these anymore. Wait, why?

These are made by Pop Mart? Yeah, yeah, they're made by the Labubu. See, instead of buying Labubu, I bought Nori, and Norri's bullshit. Labubu's, like, free money. Vita, this is fucked up. You shouldn't own any of these. I love them. They're cool.

They got a little interchangible heads. But it's a little, like a little girl with weird hands. It's like a little me. Look, it's like a little fat chick. What are you talking about? Put that back up. Can you zoom in on one? Get a close up of one.

What do you mean? This is my fucking see it. What are these problems? What are these called? Norees? Yeah, Noree. Bro, Norees are my fucking problem. Bring that shit up again. Noree. What do you mean? She's a, she's just a fun gal living her life. This is for people who are too lazy to be pedophiles. They have, they're not all, first of all, they're not pedophilic, okay?

What the hell do you mean they're not pedophilic? She is a grown woman. Grown women can be pedophilic. I'm trying to find... They have other... Bro. They look cool. They're cool. They are not cool. What the fuck is this? I'm trying to find the other one. These are the pedophile ones, but I don't have these ones.

Look at this shit! Can you see this? Here, here. No! Oh, wait, this is a video? No, open mind? What do you think this little kid is doing with an open mind shirt? What do you mean little kid? What am I looking at that? A little fucking kid. Oh, this is weird. This is a little girl!

I gotta get more of them. No, get rid of the ones you have. Throw them away. No, no, no. They're very well made. And they got a, they got cool, uh, they got like a cool texture to them. Why? Where? On the nipples? No, not on the nipples.

What do you mean a cool texture? I just, look, I'm, I think trading figures are cool. I would like to make, you know, someday I would like to make trading figures, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And I, uh, what do you mean someday I would like to make trade like out of, out of feet, your own feces? No, no, like I'd get a company or something, uh, come up with a cool sculpt. And, uh, put them together. Norrie. Yeah, like a cool, come up with a cool figure and then it's interchangeable. The heads are interchangeable. The feet are interchangeable. It's cool. Better than Labubu, I'm gonna say. How old is she supposed to be? How old is this bitch supposed to be? She's a grown woman.

Bro. Bro. What? Bro! It doesn't say how old she is. Bro! Bro! Bro?

Vito? What? What? Do you know the backstory of this pedophile, uh, idol you have? No, who, what, did she have her head ripped off or something? Bro!

What? What is it? It's called Norrie's Youth Vitality Handbook series. No, that's a different thing. This is called Norie's Youth Lookbook series. That's a different set. High school outfits. That's a different set.

Suggesting she's a teenager. No. No, that's the high school set. This is later in life. Really? You're looking at the youth book Blind Box, which is them all wearing school uniforms. She's clearly college age. She looks exactly the same.

No, no, no, no, no. That looks exactly identically the same. No, look, it's a completely different box, even. You can tell. Well, it's a different box because they're trying to rope in more pedoph-of-this. That's exactly the same as this girl. Look at this. No, no, no, no.

Exactly the same. You're looking at the... That's... This. This is Hello Nori. Not Hello Norrie Youth Special or whatever the fuck you're talking about. She's just put on a little weight. It's the same.

That one says Youth Lookbook. I don't have Youth Lookbook. I have series mystery. Okay. And if I did collect Youth Lookbook, it wouldn't even be a problem because it's just admiring culture. A little girl. Flushies is currently number 872. Don't forget...

Vote it up. To vote it up. Is that it? I only got like three of them. No, no, no, I got one. Dick, here's another one. You know how every time there's a shooting, we're all waiting to find out who did it?

Yeah, that's my problem, though. Okay, then voted up is over. Liberal, liberal shooters, liberal mass shooters. Liberal mass shooters. Man, what the hell? What can we do about the liberal mass shooting problem? Well, the problem is that the liberals are too smart for the schools, and it drives them crazy.

Is that the problem? They're too smart for their dicks, so they chop them off. All the conservative kids have to keep going to school because they're dumb-dums, and all the liberal kids get to stay home and play Fortnite or whatever. Are they playing Fortnite? Because Fortnite's like an aggressive game

that you have to be good at. They're probably playing Stardue Valley. I don't know. They're playing Undertail and crying. They're playing Undertale. They're playing Work on My Novel. o'clock. Hey, yeah, you know what?

Why don't we get them working on novels? That's the real problem. It's just going to make them worse. It used to be when the liberals were miserable. They'd read books about other miserable liberals. Yeah, they'd read like Catcher in the Rye and they're like, ah, you know, now all my feelings are dealt with. Yeah.

But now they just go on Fortune and get told to go buy an AR-15. Did you see how that the liberals can't obsess over their books? decorated her gun with like idubs quotes on it and stuff or idubs references that's another liberal so we got two idubs is radicalizing you got you got some liberals on discord radicalizing young liberals into cutting their penises off and then you got idubs at the top of the liberal cook food pyramid uh radicalizing trans shooters yeah yeah isn't that crazy what are we going to do about that Isn't that crazy? What are we going to do about that? We got to really shut this thing down.

Look at this shit that she's doing. What the fuck is this? I'm a demon? I'm like a demon. Oh, is this what they, oh no. This lady was drawing pictures of. I got to say, uh... Look at this shit.

Look at this. Look at the... First of all, she drew herself looking exactly like a man, so that's weird. Looking at the mirror in this fucking demon is fucking back in the... Can't we stay a little bit? bro's hey um you shouldn't be making art that's this predictable and lazy looking in the mirror and there's a demon in the mirror and plus you're a lady draw yourself with some curves you know some um some ass some hips and stuff not this big back like i this is how i look looking in the

mirror except fatter yeah you know tiny ass legs because no leg day but come on don't be drawing Don't be drawing yourself like a man. Draw yourself like a lady. How do we get a... Was this from the YouTube video they put out? No, I found this. I went to their... I went to their house.

But I'm saying, like, this is not a screenshot. You went to their house and got it. Yeah, I went to their house and got it. I'm so glad that the tweet says check Vax status. Checking Vax status, we know. We're getting the real scoop here. What do you mean? It's a picture.

Look, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, read that description. It says, he drew himself as baffamit, and then it has, in parentheses, He's Big Pharma deity. That's not even Baffimett. Baffimett has tits. What is this fucking idiot talking about? Baphimet, the classic representation of Big Pharma. I don't know about that.

I don't know about all that. But look, I know that liberals commit way too many mass shootings. It's mostly pretty much almost all of the mass shootings are committed by liberals. Did you know that? I don't know if that's correct. It's 100% true.

I don't think that's right. There's a couple of conservatives or what I like to call confused liberals. I saw that infographic going around. They're like, look at how many trans mass shooters they are. And then like two of them, they put unconfirmed. And I'm like, that unconfirmed is doing a lot of work. They were trans.

They might have been trans. They had hair that was a little longer than their... Yeah, sure, that's trans. You don't need to have long hair to be transvito. That's transphobic. That's true. I'm being very transphobic. Anyone can be trans.

And when they pick up a gun and start shooting kids, they're definitely trans. That's what I know. Can you believe this shit? Why are they shooting kids, man? That's what I... Well, it's because the school drives them crazy. I really believe that. Honestly, it's because they're pedophiles and they can't, like, they don't have enough

balls to just rape kids. I swear to God, that's really my theory. That's really your theory is that they have pedophilic urges, so they decided to kill children. Well, because if it was a guy, it would just be a child molester. But because it's a lady, you know? No, I don't know. This theory is a little out there, man. Because it's a lady.

You can't just go, you know, because a lady. Well, I'm just saying, why don't you guys stop killing kids? You liberals. You got a real problem with it. Just knock it off. It's true that we are the party of abortion, so maybe that makes us discount the life of the child. That's part of it. That's part of it.

That's part of the problem. I don't think, don't solve that one first. Solve the other ones first. Look, I don't. I think there's a lot of mass shooters across all stripes. Of liberal? Not just liberals. No, no.

Fat liberal, skinny liberals, male liberals. You get a lot of you. I've seen a lot of conservatives going, oh, my God, I'm worried about the white demographics. That's called World War II that you're talking about. Dialon roof had to shot up a church full of black people. Okay. That guy was a liberal thing as it gets. No, no, no.

It's just liberal as a $3 bill. What are you talking about? The guy of the Christchurch massacre, We went into the mosque. The Pewtie Pie guy? We love Islam and we celebrate our Muslim brothers. That was not a liberal shooting. Who's we?

Was the PewDie Pie guy. Yeah. Me and the other liberals. Oh, you do? Okay. Yeah. That's my problem. And also, usually liberals, we pick good targets.

Like that one kid who got on that roof at that rally. And he was like, right there. Oh, the guy that tried to kill Trump? No, no, no. And, you know, I'm just saying, guys. Yeah. I really am upset. with the mass shooters, because I go,

you could go shoot up anything. Yeah. Why school? Why a school? Why a school? There's got to be something else. Do you know how many? I mean... Thanks. If trans bullying is the problem, I could ramp up the bullying.

I bet I could bully one trans kid more than a whole school combined. Probably more than a whole school district. I could do more bullying than an entire school district. Maybe in entire counties. All the schools put together. I do think... So it's obviously not bullying is a problem. I do think that the FBI is on all these websites or whatever.

Yeah. And any time one of these shooters is like, hey, maybe I could shoot up like a high-profile government target. Yeah. I think they go on there and they go, nah, that'd be gay. Just shoot up a school. That'd be cooler, you know? Yeah. I think there's FBI guys steering them.

I don't know. But there you go. Go ahead. Well, the trans community. is suffering a lot of bad PR lately. Oh. Because of their voices? It's crazy. Well, it's crazy. The discourse.

Did you see the New York Post, like, front page? What did you say? Bulley transcripts? Transgender maniac. Like, uh, murders kids. Wow. And I'm like, dude, like, five years ago... That's great. Five years ago, you could not publish a headline that said

transgender maniac. They would have crucified you for it. Attack, you know? Fucking F-sler goes... Nellar attack. Esler goes nuts. We're, man, the, the Overton window keeps shifting in wild and unpredictable ways. Yeah. Okay. All right. Let's see here.

Got a couple of them. I guess I'll go with this one here. Dick, so I love getting deliveries. We all do. You get a package. It's exciting. but sometimes you get a shitty delivery and that's what I don't like that's when the guy first of all the UPS guy

whose job it is to knock it's for some reason my post office guy is fine my UPS guy sucks because he shows up I don't even think he knocks he just immediately puts the fucking sticker on the door that says you're not here fuck you and I'm like dude I was in the other

fucking room what the fuck I always come out he's like they're like yeah sorry I missed you sticker? Yeah, why do you have those? I haven't seen one of those in, like, years. Because the guy doesn't knock on the fucking door. He just shows up.

They don't just drop your thing off and say bloops, stand. No, I think he doesn't want to take the box off the fucking, I don't know what I'm getting that it's like, for some reason UPS needs me to sign for it. Why? But the guy doesn't, why does he, why do I need to sign for it? Sometimes I'll get like a package from Japan or something, you know? With more of those dolls, those little girl dolls? More dolls or used women's underwear or something, you know?

Or, uh, some, some, some pornog? No. Norris? It'll be like video games. It's like video games and shit. Like they're 18 now the underwear? Okay. They're 18 now.

And, uh, the guy just fucking puts the sticker on the door. He doesn't knock or anything. And then I get fucked. Uh-uh. You got to wait another day for your Japanese jack-off doors. No, I got to go. Then I got to go, because now they don't bring it back. Now they drop it off at the CVS.

You haven't dealt with this at all? What? No? Yeah. So I got to take the. slip, they're like, we left your package at fucking CVS. And I'm like, okay, now I got to go to CVS. I get to go buy shit at CVS. Thanks a lot.

That's great. Dude, and then it's not like a package guy's in charge of the packages at CVS. It's a 16 year old fucking Hispanic chick. And she's going, what's your name? And I'm like, it's veto. It'll be under veto.

It should be like this big. And she's just like looking around. She's like, yeah, it's not here. And I'm like, it's definitely here. because they sent me the thing that says it's here and the tracking says it's here. And I don't know why you have a pile of stuff back there. Like, I don't know how this operation works. No, it's not sorted at all.

I'm like, did you look at those boxes? She goes, those are newer. And I'm like, well, yeah, it just fucking came in. Go look at those fucking boxes. Yeah. And at a certain point, I was like, can I just come back there and look for it? And she's like, we can't have you do that, sir.

I had to call another guy and be like, look, the package is here. It has to be here unless somebody fucking stole it and thankfully her fucking manager's like, oh yeah, here it is right on top. Sorry about that, dude. It's, uh, it's the worst. Wait, who's

dropping packages off at CVS? UPS is? Yeah, UPS has like their, you know, oh, it's convenient. Now you can just go get it at the UPS. No, I want it to be at the UPS store. That would be easier. That would be convenient at the UPS store. Not at the CBS store. Well, also, all the packages, the CVS has one girl working. I'm like, I could literally steal everybody's mail

right now and nobody could there's like all these expensive looking packages just sitting in a pile next to the register and I'm like what is stopping anyone from stealing all this shit? What the fuck? Not a good system. What I love

about CVS is when they roll out like new stuff you can do there because and they they do and then they just never train even one single employee on how to use it and they don't send anyone out to check like they do pictures there that you can just pick up

but not one time passport anything you can go there to do anything but nobody knows how to do the thing not one single person there knows how to use it it's always it arrives to the store broken so at no point can you ever use it I really besides women in their compulsive shopping

I don't see how CVS exists I think the only thing Well first of all The fact that they're a pharmacy They get like all this free money From the government Oh is that You know

They got rid of cigarettes Yeah yeah yeah They used to be good at the one thing And that was selling cigarettes And now they yeah They made some sort of point I don't know if I don't know exactly What the reason was

But they're like well we're a pharmacy We don't want to hurt people's health or whatever Yeah So but when you pick up your know Your Medicare prescriptions or whatever They get the full amount from the government so that's a big chunk of change and then they rope you in with those giant all of the

big fucking coupon that spits out at the end which I never remember to use no one does the giant receipt it's good deals I do wonder though because it'll be like 50% off anything in the store and I'm like anything what is your profit model how does this work at all uh fat women is their profit model they just come in and buy sour Yeah, women love CVS because they always have the discounts.

Because the whole store is like an impulse buy. Ooh, chocolate. Oh, another type of chocolate. Ooh, another piece of chocolate over here. Oh, open chocolate. Three for a dollar. Wow. That's great.

For me, for some reason, my CVS, they only have two self-checkouts. Yeah. One of them's never working. Never. And the other one always has an old Hispanic woman who doesn't understand how it works. And you go, man, just go to the, you don't know how this works. Just go to the counter. There's somebody at the counter.

they can ring it. She's like, oh, I won't take my coupon. How do I do the coupon? You're like, if you have a coupon, don't do the fucking self-checkout. Go to the guy. And they're like, I scanned the coupon, but now I have to put it in the thing. And oh, but I have two coupons. And you're like, ah, fucking lady, get out of the way. It's a disaster. And usually she's like, she's probably like an employee from another CVS, too. Yes. Here's my, here's the worst part of, see, we go to CVS. And it's like, Uh, it's like, uh, that video game, uh, tapper where it's like one, one Mexican woman ringing you up on this one and then ringing somebody up on the other register and then going to the other one and ringing somebody up on that one. Yeah, they're like swapping between them.

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah. Do you ever seen that? You ever seen that? I see that. And then it always seems like there's one CVS employee whose only job is to walk around and not help anyone. Like, they're just kind of walking through the aisles looking at stuff. And you're like, couldn't you be in the front ringing people up? or something? Can you be hanging out by the deodorant aisle for unlocking it for people? Like you know who? If you see, lock it up real quick. I like that my problem has become CVS,

which is a much better problem. They should have for CVS, they should have, instead of having things locked up all the time, they should have a mechanism that works like a window roll up button and then a stoplight. And when a black person comes to the store, it turns red. And then the

manager can press the roll up on the window and their mechanism will go and roll up the bars on the deodorant or whatever they roll out of the bar. Or it could be a camera system that detects your skin tone so if a black guy goes into the aisle all of a sudden the partition starts rising up

and if the back guy blacks away a bunch of job applications fall out of the ceiling like New Year's year. Yeah. If a white guy and a black guy are in the aisle the camera goes well listen we're going to unlock it but just keep an eye on him okay because we don't know what's going on who would say that

who would say the robot would say that the robot would say that yeah CVS bro, robot's not going to work alright that's a pretty good problem that's your problem that's my problem oh

CVS damn it did somebody post me these pictures god damn you you motherfuckers okay here's my problem today I don't know why I didn't save these pictures because I thought I'd be able to find them again but of course I can't on Twitter but it was um it was of undercover cops at Burning Man that's my problem uh wait really under cover cops no they've always been there skulking around for drugs um and this the picture I saw of them this year because they've ramped it up they ramped

up every year. It's just no different. The picture I saw of them this year is three cops looking like you know shaved head 40 something cop guys

you all have that same exact build with that evil scowl just skulking around the edges of a rave staring in with that cop stare their hands up on their chest like with their thumbs

you know, tucked into their little vest or whatever where it would be except in this picture they're all wearing like glowing hats and stuff and like feather boa's like the bare minimal amount to make it look like they're not cops

and it really pissed me off oh so wait did Burning Man just happen it's happening right now you didn't see that the Orgy Dome blew over Why are you not there? Because I have a kid in stuff. I can't do. I mean, I have like responsibilities. I can't go to Birdie Man. Oh, my God.

I feel like, are you just like, how are you doing? How are you holding up? Well, I don't go every year. It kind of, it's, it's after. Okay. After COVID, when they shut it down for two years during COVID, it kind of got all fucked up. The guy who started, it died, and they got all, like, they just, people who are fucked in the head took it over.

People who are way too into, like, manifesting. and building community. What does take it over look like? It's just a desert and you build shit, right? No, there's a group that has to negotiate with the Bureau of Land Management for the lease on the land during the party and organize the event

and organize all the equipment and like the six-week build-up. It's like a year-round thing, but the same organization also has to have like a fucking magazine and like a fruity art commune because they think the point of it is about

being try hard and obnoxious and being a stupid woman with nothing to say when the actual point of it is going out into the middle of nowhere and getting fucking wasted on drugs

which is why the cops skulking around with their pretend rave outfits is the biggest problem in the universe so and then what is a cop going to do see you doing drugs

and like cartcha off they'll see you doing anything Any kind of smoking, they'll see you acting weird, and they will... But if everybody's doing drugs, like what's the fucking point? Exactly! Fucking exactly the point! There's 70,000 people out there, or 69,000... There's 70,000 people out there, 140,000 them are doing drugs.

Um, here's the stats. They arrested 27 people this year. Wow, I really put a dent in the drug user epidemic there. Imagine that! You're going to have a good time... having just as many drugs as everybody else, and you get arrested for like a fucking life-ruining felony of drugs by these dickhead. The worst cops, too, Nevada cops.

Not even cops that are like getting killed left and right and have to be on their best behavior because there's organized gangs of minorities keeping them in check, you know, but shit hit cops, mountain cops. I bet cops in hot climates are probably more brutal than cops in cold areas, you know. You think so?

You never hear about, like, you never hear about the brutality of, like, the Canadian police, right? The Mounties? Because they're just, uh, everyone's just chilling. That's like, oh, you know, yeah, yeah. But then you think about, like, L.A. and, uh, what about Atlanta? You say? They get hot. They start sweating.

Yeah. And then, uh, they start going nuts on people. Twelve people have been arrested, uh, in the first two days. Most. Well, did it say what they had for drugs? It's everything. What are you talking about? Yeah, here.

Amanda's arrested. What I'm saying? Is it like... Are they arrested guys for... Okay. Let me try to find what else it was... I mean, if the guys are like handing out like, you know, fucking Chinese viruses or some shit... Who gives up?

Chinese viruses? Who gives a shit? Don't do it then. Bring your own. Confiscated large amounts of crack cocaine, methamphetamine, ecstasy, mushrooms, LSD, oxycodone, Vicodin Valium, and Xanax from a vehicle. Can you believe it's fucking America? Can you believe it's fucking America? You can't drive out into the middle of the desert

With and do drugs Crack cocaine meth Excessy mushrooms, L-Cicodon, Vicarium, Valium, and Zanax What the... Where are we living? That you can't do that? I'm wondering like how you get like... In the middle of fucking nowhere Can't you just...

Yeah, but I'm saying like if you got caught Like are you like doing something retarded? Because how do you get caught? No, they will pull you over for They'll pull you over for smoking cigarettes. So they're pulling you over driving on the way to the thing, and driving out once you're there and you're out in the desert,

they'll pull you over. If you, my friend got pulled over on the way in for a normal amount of drugs. He had a normal amount of drugs on him. They pulled him over for rolling the window down and ashing a cigarette or blowing smoke at the window.

I forget which one it was. They pulled him over, pulled him over, arrested him. It was like, uh, it was some insane bail, like $150,000. God damn, man Totally fucked him over He was thinking about running to Mexico

Just to get out of it It was that the penalties were going to be that bad But I think he pled his way out of it Let me see if I have any more stats on this I mean it seems like the real problem is Why are there laws in the desert Shouldn't be laws in the desert I mean

It shouldn't be laws in the forest Like any area that's uninhabited by man It should be like, no, you know, it's a, do whatever you want. Who the fuck are you protecting out here? Yeah, we're going to ruin the sand. We're going to ruin the trees. I can't, okay, there can't be like a crackhead running around town. Okay, maybe you can't do crap in the sea limits?

That makes sense. That's a safe place for people. Yeah. Can I go out into the middle of the fucking ocean and like float around and think about meth? Is that legal? Has anyone ever thought about having a burning man at sea? Just building like a giant floating platform outside? outside the

reach of law enforcement They had it But it turned to a gay thing Oh yeah Because Burning Man Never turned to do a gay thing Before

Because it's called Seaman Get it? In 2019 58 people were arrested Most with being drug-related arrests Including one San Francisco

Man who was given a felony pot possession And kept on $500,000 bail felony pot possession My God

You can't even Look it's worse than regular cops are fucked drug cops are even more fuckeder but imagine that you work you bust your ass for one little piece away from

everything that sucks just to get a little bit wasted out in the desert and you've got John Law creeping around through town laserizing everybody and harassing everybody for smoking cigarettes and having a little bit

of everything that you need to get you through your vacation You're just a normal dad, you know? You're working hard. You know, last week your kid got shot by a trans mass shooter. You just want to relax a little bit. Yeah, that's perfectly legal. A liberal can pick up a gun and shoot a bunch of kids,

but a regular conservative guy can't go out in the desert with a little bit of meth and ecstasy in mushrooms and LSD. It's perfectly legal, in fact, encouraged for liberals to pick up a gun. You can cut your kid's dick off and give him a gun, but I can't do drugs in the desert That's exactly it You can cut your kids' dick off But you can't light up a joint

In the middle of fucking nowhere Yeah God there's gonna be a first cop on Mars There's gonna be a first guy to bust someone For weed on Mars We're gonna be We're gonna get to Mars

There's gonna be all sorts of cool drugs And they're immediately gonna tell us We're not allowed to have fun with them What's gonna be a cool drug on Mars You know like you go in the sand And there's like the fossilized remains of like a crystal golem and you put it in a pipe

and you can see through the eternities you know the cop's going to say the cop's going to say stop astral tripping your way through the cosmos zone and you're going to go damn it man you're going to get fucking arrested for that exactly you can't access and they are fifth dimension consciousness

and they're going to say you can't do that bro they're using fucking heat vision at burning man like the predator they're out there in the middle of the night with heat vision looking for people lighting anything up especially if it's crack pipe, if it's meth pipe looking, you know,

oil pipe looking, you have to call it. So if you light up a cigarette, it's just like trying to go to Dodger Stadium anymore. You do anything in your car, you have a solo cup, you're drinking anything out of it, a squadron of policemen fly over. You can't escape to police state in this country.

It's just a nightmare. And it's getting, I thought it'd be getting better at this point in my life, and it's getting worse. Yeah, we've, uh, I don't know what that is, that, like, cops stopped being human beings at some point.

At some point, cops stopped going, hey, yeah, that guy's just drinking a beer, who cares? Yeah. You know? I care. I'm here to enforce the rules. Why don't you take that attitude down to Compton, then, jackass? Why don't you go crack some heads down on Skid Row since you're so into rules?

You fucking lose, you fucking chicken shit? That's, maybe that's my real problem with cops. They're such fucking cowards. Oh, hey, you? you're a law-abiding citizen trying to relax but you're doing a minor infraction that if we let get out of control society would be fucked up and I say

okay yeah that makes sense so why don't you go down to where society is fucked up and start fixing it over there because it's okay over here I'll be fine don't worry I'll be just fucking fine taking a like taking a fucking key bump

in the middle of nowhere without your involvement why don't you go back to the tenderloin and bust some fucking fucking crack heads out. Why don't you find a bunch of guys with mismatched bicycles and tackle their ass? Fuck you! If a gathering of people, if the average income level is above a certain amount,

the cops should go, ah, we don't got it. We don't know. That's not our problem. That's all taxpayers. Who cares about that? Go down to a neighborhood you don't want to be at and find a guy whose bicycle seat doesn't seem to fit him quite right. He's sitting at a weird kind of angle.

riding around and throw a brick at him. Throw them. But you won't because they're all chicken shit. They're all fucking cowards. They're all cowards. That's why they won't. Well, they're busy taking, you know, trying to think about which trans kids are going to shoot up a school next. That's who they're focusing.

Stop one of them. Stop one of these goddamn liberal shooters. They can't. Did you know that? Did you know how many shooters were liberals? How, well, you don't, what do you mean how many? What percentage of mass shootings are liberals? Yeah.

A significant portion of mass shootings with estimates for, wow, 20 to 25 percent. Wow. So what would be the other 80, 75 percent be? Hold on, I got to say liberals and I forgot to do it correctly. And F slurs. No, I searched for black. I'm just joking. All blacks are

liberals, so 13% of liberals Are causing 13% of liberals I'm just going by voting patterns That's it's not anything else I wish the liberals would stop shooting The other liberals

It's so terrible I don't have a problem with that All right, that's my problem You guys complain about it It's always, oh my God The crime in these liberal cities You're like, what do you care? Yeah, the crime that affects me

That's what I care about You're not, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever What do you mean? Whatever. It's break-ins all the time up here. You know, maybe if you just help that kid cut her dick off she wouldn't you shot all them kids

who knows why don't they take this trans shit down into Skid Row start cutting some chopping some weas off down there I saw the ultimate I saw the ultimate cope for the shooting which was you know because people are pointing out that the shooter tried to like detransition said I'm not really into this trans stuff anymore

huh and somebody said see so they weren't transgender and you know huh okay they go just a normal white guy And you're like, yeah, all right. You got him.

You got him. You really found him in a gotcha. They didn't yet. It nailed them. It was just a regular guy, just a regular Joe who said, I'm not into this trans shit. Yeah. I'll keep the hair along because it's fun. But, yeah.

Who do you think that demon was that lady was talking to? You know, there's a lot of different demons out there. You can try to commune with Asphoroc from the Fifth Plain. Asphorok. There's a pH in there. Like sex for cocaine? Zargothian, the tremulator. Do they all have gay names?

That's big with the trans community. Zargoth? Zagoroth. Zagoroth? Is that real? I don't fucking know, man. Do they have demons? The trans kids are all, look, all the trans kids are summoning demons. They're into it.

It's fun for them. They get in their room. They put the trans flag on the ground. They draw some runic symbols on it. The next thing you know, Asgarov, the fucking hate flare shows up. They draw their own flags. We're going to kill some kids. And all the trans kids go, yay!

Yay! Did anyone tell her that that was gay behavior, what she was doing with that demon? It is always, man, every time. Remember the last trans manifesto where she was talking about, what is it? Like, my dick will never, I'll never fuck with my big dick. A brown ass, tight brown ass. She said. Can we,

what do you say to the trans kids? Like, what do you say? Can you say, listen, I get that you're desperately horny. I get it. You know,

you're really fucking horny, and you want to, you want to fuck asses and fuck pussies and whatever else. But, uh, you don't have a dick. There's plenty. Uh,

uh, you're breaking up. Uh, oh. There's, oh, I'm back. Now you're back.

There's plenty of time for fucking later. And if you kill all these kids with a gun, you don't get to fuck anybody. You're going to have a bad time. Look, did you read the suicide note? No, because it was in like fucking bizarro language. No, that's just this. That's just this thing. Wait, let me see.

Okay. The suicide note's so funny. Let me read. All right. Here we go. Uh, what is this lotion for, jacking off? Do you see that? So that's a sink.

This is a bathroom. You got a trial. It's interesting the details that they go like, I got to make sure to get that little potted flower in there. Yeah. It really balances out the rest of the image. Tract lighting. That's cool or whatever that is.

How's the gun that you don't have a strap for the gun. How's the gun even on your back there? Trans shooter diary. Trainsuitors... Don't you think? Suicide note. We'll probably get straight. Shouldn't you, if everyone's going to go through your diary,

shouldn't you get real good at drawing first, you know? I'd be like, well, I don't want my scribbles to look crazy. Oh, hey, this one, she looks pretty good in this one. Let's see what chat thinks. Okay. It looks pretty good there, right? Am I crazy? Is that a dog collar?

Is that a dog collar? Is that a dog collar? Oh, no. Wow, that's a cute lady. and she's got that hat and those cool shades we should have you know what we should have

we should have like a panel we should have like a list of traits oh that's Heisenberg shit I was looking at the wrong one oh no oh no okay what were you saying I think we got to go to the trans kids

with the big chins the huge fucking jaws and go not it's not for you it's not it's never gonna it's not gonna work Oh, yeah. That's not what it's about, though, Vito.

It's not about having a chin or not. It's not about having a giant chunk of bone down here with your face. Nah, that has nothing to do with it. A fucking Hoover Dam. Because there's women with big chins. So what are you saying exactly? That they're men? There's manly women, yes, I agree.

So what are you saying? We don't like them. And they should become men. Okay. Go to your last problem. My problem is I love my bed. I've been enjoying some great sleep. But you know what I hate about the bed?

Is the bed sheets. This is the worst technology ever invented. It is archaic. It is bizarre. And it seems like such a simple fix. Okay? I wake up and I go, oh, look, the fucking bedsheets came undone again.

Oh. Why? Because they're designed by retard. The whole bed sheet industry is a scam It's a scam It says perfect fit Bedsheet You go perfect fit

What does that mean in my mind That me in my mind goes This thing is going to hug the mattress so tightly It can't possibly slip off Right right right right Slips the fuck off every time Do you have a deep mattress though There you go

There you go You got a deep mattress Yeah I got a deep mattress Well you got a deep mattresses Then they don't have they don't say they don't say on the package. These are for a deep mattress. Yes they do because I don't. Yes they do because I complained about this eight years ago in my show and somebody somebody sent me this information. You have to get deep sheets and I you won't I. Okay. So I had the same exact problem years ago. I think I brought this I think they brought this in the show 10 years ago. Um and my sheets I got I got these a little elastic like straps that I would clamp. onto the corners to try to make them stick, to try to make the sheet stick. Like suspenders. Yeah. Exactly like

suspenders. And they would still bust off. Like it would look like shit. It would look like they're coming off. I've had that problem too. Have you tried those straps? I've tried the straps. Throw that shit away. Listen. You got to get the deep sheets and they will

never come off. They'll never come off. Yeah, but then you've got a shit ton of sheet. There's like a shit ton of sheet there. What are you talking about? That's what you need sheets. Okay, fine. Maybe I need deeper sheets. Get deep sheets. But even with the deep sheets, it doesn't matter which sheets you get. The elastic on there is dog shit. The elastic technology, they should have fucking bungee straps. It's like this like barely fucking, yes, it should be like the fucking, it's because you should be able to ratchet. You should be able to ratchet strap the fucking bed sheets into place.

No, you don't need to. Okay. You don't need to. The elastic band is always dog shit. Yeah. Okay. And okay, let's say I have a deep mattress. You should, bedsheets should be custom made by a tailor. There should be a guy whose job is to come and measure your mattress and give you a perfect fit sheet because otherwise, what if you have a mattress topper? I have a mattress topper on there. Now I'm adding extra height. That's good. Wait, wait, why do you have a mattress topper?

Just add a little extra comfort. How much extra comfort are you getting out of that? a lot. It's nice. It's like a plush layer. How old your mattress? Like three years old, maybe. Really? And you got a mattress topper on top of that? When I got the mattress, I thought

the mattress was a little too firm, so I got a mattress topper, and I said, ah, this is nice. You got the mattress, and then you didn't like it? I like it. I just said it would be nice if I had a tiny bit of extra padding. I'm not going to swap the whole fucking mattress out, so I went and got a fucking mattress.

stopper. I did that. I got it was way too hard. I got it at spite. And then I got it home and I'm like, ah, this too hard. Fuck this. I fuck this. You ever get one of those IKEA mattresses? No, are they good? Uh, it's confusing because they're all, it's like rolled up. There's no springs. It's all like foam. What? It's like a complete, it's like a rolled up foam and then you like undo it. Yeah. Yeah, but it's like a really firm memory. And I'm always like, is this like terrible for my back or not? Like, here's the other thing. I'm worried about like. No. I used to. Now I got just a box spring when that one got fucked up or something. You know what I bet? You know what is bad for your back? What? Being 300 pounds. That's very true. I agree. It's pretty bad. It's pretty bad. Okay. Here's my proposal. Here's my proposal. Yeah. You got a pair of sweatpants, right? I may have a sweatpants pair. You may have a pair of sweatpants. What do the sweatpants have

to keep them tight? Um, straps. They got a draw string. Okay, okay Why does the bed sheet Not have one string Go around the whole thing It's still not gonna work And then you could cinch it tight And have it on there

It would never fall off Now it would because you're you're using Normal size for some reason You're using normal size sheets I don't know that if you think like You're gonna brute string them into place You got a deep mattress that has a mat That you're now saying has a mattress topper

which is adding death to it. So you're like a pig eating an apple trying to wrap the lips around the apple but it's never going to fit. It doesn't matter if you have a drawstring or elastic. You're never going to be able to fit that apple in his mouth.

You know what I'm saying with the visual metaphor? Yeah, I got that. You got to get deep sheets. All right, well, Dick seems to think he has a solution for my problem. Why don't you have one of these fuckers that come to your house said he's in deep sheets?

Said, don't come to Vino's house unless you're bringing deep sheets with you. bring some deep sheets. So I got, so we figured this out. It's an archaic technology. This is a simple user error problem that can be easily thick. The mattress should come with the perfect sized sheet. You should be able to go to the mattress store and you should be able to be like,

oh, I bought this mattresses, then you want these sheets. They'll do that. What do you talk? You don't think they'll sell you sheets at a mattress store? I've never seen the sheets at a mattress store. Vito. What do you think they're going to, you don't think people ask? Can I get some sheets for this thing?

I probably went to the wrong mattress store. Was it in a van? I went to a mattress firm. Oh, mattress firm? Yeah. I went to sit and sleep. I guess also my secondary problem is the anxiety of, am I supposed to have a sleep number bed?

Would that change my life? What's that? The sleep number bed is the one where you can adjust the firmness of the bed with the remote. Oh, no, fuck that shit. You know the sleep number bed? No, I don't know what it does. always hurt it. People are always, it's always, because I'm like, you know, then some guys will say,

oh, if you're sleeping on a spring mattress, it's going to fuck up your spine. And then remember they invented the waterbed? I don't know if it's going to fuck up your spine sleeping on springs. That's what they say. And then remember they had the water bed for a while and they said it's better on your spine and they realized actually compresses your spine and fucking all these people are crippled from their water beds. Yeah, that's why they don't sell water beds anymore. That's crazy. I had a water bed when I was a... If you see a guy in a wheelchair, go waterbed, like 90s. Like, nine out of ten times, he goes, yep, waterbed, crippled me. Um, why do you think you can't get a water bed anymore?

They're bad for you, and they leak everywhere. You can definitely get a water bed. Where can you get a water bed? Where are you going to get a water bed? I can get you a water bed back tomorrow. There ain't a waterbed stores anymore. What do you think they're illegal? Sleeping on a water bed is illegal?

My parents have a fucking water bed. Well, your parents are, their backs are fucked. They're going to die. It's like a combo water bed, a cushion bed. I don't really understand it, but... Well, your parents are going to die. Well, yeah, that's your parents are. true um

uh they're gonna drown in that fed we figured this out we figured out that you have to use deep sheets but i can't get my wife to throw away our normal size sheets just in case we're using them camping so every month or two uh the cleaning lady will put on old normal sheets and it's like a new my wife always goes to bed first uh and then when she gets down there she's like well you know

Fuck him. I'm not going to fix the sheets. That's his problem. So when I go down, sheets are already all already pre-pulled off the bed. And it's just mattress protective wrapper for me. And it happens every night. Seems like you need to hide the bad sheets

if the housekeeper keeps putting on. Well, I keep throwing them away, but there's always new ones because I had a whole life of acquiring sheets before I figured out deep sheets. For buying sheets, like a normal person. You kept buying sheets? Well, you have to have like multiple sets of sheets.

sheets, and then sometimes you get a new set for Christmas, like, oh, look of these t-shirt type of jersey sheets. You're like, oh, okay, I'll throw these into the mix. I'm going to throw away sheets. Wait, wait, wait, you like, don't get all the same kind of sheet? That would drive me nuts. What do you mean?

Well, because you have the same sheet every night. You don't want, like, a bunch of different textures mix and match. Well, no, I've changed them all at the same time. I changed the pillowcases that match the sheets, and those all go on at the same time. They all get changed

at once. What are you talking about? I'm talking about you're saying you have like different sheet sets, right? Yeah. But they're not all the same like thread count and brand? No. They're different.

Doesn't that drive you insane? We're like I really like sleeping on the old sheets. I don't know how to answer that. Like some are better than I like the ones that stay on the bed more than there others. So why wouldn't you just get only those ones. Because I tried to throw them

away, but they keep finding more of them somewhere. Every so often I'll go down. My wife's already sleeping. I'll think, fuck. This sheet is not a deep sheet. I'm fucked once again. What do you mean that you... Have you tried to... Have you tried to using a blanket

as a pillow yet? No, I'm not doing that. What do you mean? It's the ultimate pillow. It's too weird, man. It's the pillow that you design. For yourself, you can make it into any shape. It's just like a pillow. I don't need a shape. I don't need like a chicken McNuggets shapes for pillow.

You don't know. You don't know. All right, that's my problem. Go to The Biggest Problem. Dot show to vote up the problems. Liberal mass shooters. I don't know. Undercover cops at Burning Man.

Bed sheets, CVS, and shitty deliveries. Okay, bedsheets, CVS, and shitty deliveries. All right. Do we have any super chats? No super chats. Today, sadly, I can't believe it. Not a single one. How do I get to the back end of YouTube?

Stop sharing. Guys, don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggest problem. Dot show. And subscribe to the Patreon. At patreon.com slash biggest problem. Most recent bonus episode, Biggest Problem in Superman.

Oh. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. A lot of fun. We talked about the Jewish origins of the character. I can't. That was too much Jewish stuff. But then you said you watched the movie, and it was all Jewish stuff.

Well, it was about Israel. Yeah. It was about Israel. It was about Israel. It was blatantly about Israel. Israel tricks the United States into letting Lex Luthorne kill Superman. That's basically the plot of the Superman movie. Good plot.

It is a good thought. I also want to thank all our YouTube members and that one guy who messaged me multiple times about memberships being given out unfairly to which I said I don't know how it works and I don't care to learn. Oh. I don't. Are there memberships? Do they get given out? I think you can gift memberships if you're in the chat. Okay. And he said one of the memberships went to a mob. and then he sent me multiple messages explaining how it was unfair for mods to be gifted memberships and I should look into it. Why is it unfair? I don't know because I think they already have memberships or something. Is this like a calico cut pants thing?

All I know is this guy sent me like, I said, I think it's just random. I think YouTube just gives them out of random. And I said, oh, okay. And they sent me another message where he said, I've looked into this issue considerably. And it's not random. You should have emailed the first time, then you blew your chance. was it. You should have waited until you had more info. Here's what I'm going to say, guys. A membership is

what, $2, $3? If you really feel bad, they missed out on a membership, maybe ask in the chat, maybe somebody will give you on that. I don't fucking know. Two dollars? That's not enough. I don't remember what it is. Well, all they get is fucking emojis. Jack it up. And they get a cool badge. People pay top dollars for those emojis.

They get a cool badge next to their name. Make it a status symbol. That's true. All right. Next week, $50 memberships. Coup for two. Thanks for not killing yourselves. Kevin Flesher for two says, be fair to veto. He's had a hard way with S.K. You almost got me. No, no, no, no. I said, says be fair.

Oh, damn it. All right. I didn't say two. He almost got me. All right. L.J. Clauberino for five. Sometimes I can't wait to be on alive. No more stress or problems. Eternal Bliss in a new state, clean slate. That's what drugs are for, dude. That's pretty much the same thing, like simulated death. And now the cops are going around fucking stopping you from doing even that.

Can't kill yourself, can't simulate killing yourself? What's the goddamn point of living? Just pay taxes, I guess. Work and pay taxes. Barb Tire for two says PCA dogging veto for a late comic was unexpected. Did they do that again? Because we did that when I was on there. But then somebody pointed.

out, uh, what do you call it? Whatever. Uh, it was fun. Hacked the movies for tenses. I told my dad Anthony Paluso that you thanked him in your comic. Right. I thanked him because you let me stay at his house. Yeah. He said, who's veto? What super killer? I wish you would have thanked me, Antonio Paluso. Well, you didn't let me stay at your house. Your dad let me stay at your house, Tony. So you should have just thanked a fat Italian guy. That would have covered everybody. I could have thanked. Hey, he's talking about me. We have two million people. Oh, hey, I got a thanks in the Vito's a comic over here.

Rydog for five. Thank you for not super killing yourself. Zeta Quincel for two. Vito 6-7 Vito Nation. Wait, he skipped O'Shawn TV for five. Why does Vito keep a bars school of car? What will Krim do to VEW? Rinox is for two.

Thank you for not killing yourself CFPA. Curb tire for two. Where are the colors I paid for? Yeah. Shoobox. They're on the, Comfart. Who colors do you want?

Red, blue. Well, now you can color the comic yourself. Color yourself. Colour yourself. Goody McGoadface for five when life gives you lemons, rip those lemons in half, and rub them in life size. All right. Real shit lips for five, money.

Thanks. Black Crimson for five. Thanks for the sex. Thank you for not killing yourself. Thank you. Diamond G for 247, TF that A to get your hell yeah. Thanks. Curb tire for two.

Vito, didn't you want a remote show to move to Vegas? That's right. I don't know. I thought you were moving to Vegas. I might move to Massachusetts. Massachusetts. Oh. Curb tire for two.

Not right away. I got to get in my affairs. Yeah. What do you mean think it over? Think it over for a couple years. Shut up. Curb tire for two. Three years for perfect comic.

Three minutes for audio. Teague the Mighty for two. Vito likes to set his fan to pro-lats. By the way. By the way. Everybody in chat who said it's fine, fuck you. I was right.

It was easy to. to fix. I knew it was fucked and I didn't give up. Why didn't you say, hey is the mic pointed in the right direction? Because I believed in myself and you people are fucking stupid who doubted

me. You're doubting Thomases and you will burn in hell for it. Now we know a thing that can go wrong and I will double check that in the future. We've never run into that before. So now we've fixed it. The Pope for 10, come fart, pooh-pass. It's about a turn for five.

Vito, how hard is it to start 15 minutes earlier to fix the mic set up? I don't know how to monitor my own mic. I guess Trio Doug could get in the room with me. Oh, guys. Trio, Doug, why don't you join the stream labs? We'll figure it out. Get multiple mics to mute the superfluous noise. Have some pride in your work.

Triturgery for five. Imagine a mic problem Chuck Dix in my ass, but the Dicks are loose and facing the wrong way. Sounds terrible too. Nobody wants that Dixon, Vietz. Daniel Adams for five Allah Akduba Boss Hogg for 279 Thank you

Spotted Turnel for two Will we get physical Superkiller copies in two years I don't think it'll take that long Vinnie for 10 audio integrity is massive Please take it seriously Well we haven't had any complaints now So it must sound okay

Cardinal bird for five Bougar flick Tito pair 6 7 cowballs and also testicles is two niche Come fart, poop out Vito, yowing, splying, Suggin' Andy. You got a rhinole bird for two. Andy's nuts, chungis.

Alien face. Daniel Adams for two, free ditty. Is that a quink sell for two? Connie. Spot or eternal for two says, I'm Vito, and I know too much about teen doll lore. I don't know the lore. I just went into the store, and I said, these are pretty cool. Chris Onion for what?

They're cool. Chris Onion for 10. Stop teasing Vito about the age of these dolls. They're clearly another expression. his transsexuality, like his joke female ID and female self-insert character. Yeah. Tease him about that instead. Ah.

I wouldn't make a good woman. I couldn't commit. Sarah Gardner for five. You couldn't commit to what? You know, you know when you see the trans kids and you go, you didn't commit? Like, that's the worst sin the trans people commit is when they go, is not committing. You mean besides the shooting children? Besides shooting children.

The second worst thing trans people do is they go, I don't really got to put makeup on a? Well, I don't really got to shave the stubble here. I couldn't stop a woman from putting makeup on if I had, I don't, if I locked her in a box. You know what I mean? There you go. It would take me all.

I've had the biggest arguments ever with women that were running late. Stop putting this makeup on. Let's go. I got to put on my face. You don't have to put on makeup before bed, all this stuff. Meanwhile, if you're a trans-girlfriend, she'd go, eh, it'll be fine. You know, you kind of got a little mustache going.

They go, ah, I don't really see that. It'll be fine. I got to go to girls' night. I'm going to be late. Yeah, that's what I would say. See, that's why the trans people are really, like, you know, go for it, and they, like, you know, take the time to, like, whatever. I go, you are a lady, because what guy would take the time to fucking do that?

Oh, okay. Let's see. Sarah Gardner for five Luboos and whatever the hell Vito's into. I'm ashamed of both of you Daniel Adams for two end of the month Last August episode Well don't worry guys Septemberary is right around the corner

September erie Wait, he said that No I was trying to September September Yeah I don't know why I added Airy to that Matt C for five

They target kids because when faced with anyone older They get folded like a lawn chair instantly We gotta teach these kids how to say the F slur Because like the kid's got no chance if you see some liberal kick in the door of your school I'm gonna tell my son this

and say look son everybody's gonna be useless the teachers are gonna be running or at worst the teachers are gonna be too fat to fit through the door you're trying to get away you gotta say

if a liberal comes in there with a gun and points out you gotta say you know fat right in their face and they'll just explode like the arc of the covenant I don't think you should be teaching your kid to call people fat. I don't think

that's going to get them far. Oh, not fat. The other F.A. word. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's better. He's going to say, die, kid. They'll just break down. Fat. How I'm saying, hey, there's a demon inside you. I bet you drew a picture of it. And they'll go, oh, my God, he knows.

Yeah. Where's your, you're going to put this on your tumbler? You're going to put this on your Tumblr? They don't even do the Tumblr anymore. I think I think there's, you know, what happened? The shooting kids, I think used to just be regular theater kids and they could get all that gay shit out on stage. But now everybody is a fucking theater kid because we live in the TikTok generation.

So these gay kids, they're like, oh, I can't just dance and sing because fucking everybody's doing that. The only way I can get attention is to grab a gun and kill a bunch of people. Huh. I don't know. We've denied the gay kids their natural outlet for Franciful fucking attention seeking because now every kid is doing that. That's what the gay kids are for. That's what I played Baseball

The gay kid should just turn to sports Baseball It's barely a sport Barely Yeah Like golf is a sport Let's see Where am I

Deccasugi For two Lububis Come for a Poohippass Yeah The Sonic Show for 5 says We has become the new TBF

Ding dong Fuggis for 5 Goodbye August Hello September Come for Poo pass just ibonned for five should I know you know what I'm not even going to ask UPS guy smells the apartment through the door and thinks

nope not today drunk and athia studio for five so I'm glad you guys made up after the massive fallout John Dellerose reported on the fallout that totally happened because JDA would never tell a lie

has so much drama Tiki the might of Taylor Swift's weird he's like yeah like he's like if you try to imagine like someone that furries would think was weird

it's him you know I don't I've known JDA for a long time he's the kind of guy that would wear like a tucked in polo shirt to a furry convention on purpose you've known that guy for a long time what the fuck's wrong with him

he's so weird I've told you that um I think he he's one of these guys who got a little bit canceled for being like conservative and kind of a Trump guy or whatever else. Cancelled from what? The homo store?

Well, he was just like going to like, yeah, you got canceled from the homo store. Cancelled from what? He's a fucking nobody. He was like writing, I don't know. He was writing like sci-fi novels. It's possible that like a publisher told him like we don't want to work with you because you're friends with like Vox Day and like some other guys or whatever. Who reads his novels?

What's his big novel? Kicked out of the gay club? Kicked out of the gay club by JDAA. The gay ghost? The ghost that lives in my butthole by John Della Rose, okay? He's just so fucking, like, he's like, he just never says anything different. Like, there's nothing behind the eyes.

Every time he engages anyone, it's like, so you want to talk about me being canceled? So do you want to talk about me being canceled? Do you want to talk about me being canceled? You're canceling me. They're canceling me. They're canceling. Like, bro.

You are fucking weird. Get the fuck out of here. I don't get him. I'll say that. I've known him for a while and I still don't completely get it. I think he values being. He likes being a troll. I know that.

He really likes it. That's a good question. He's like that piss your pants guy and he's like, I'm just joking. Like, okay. You have real pissing your pants, though. He does troll in like directions where I go, well, don't troll. guy because like you should be whatever you know he's trolled eBS for a million years and what is what is trolling to you guys well like he made like a fake cyber frog comic at one point

he like really committed to like fucking with you know being like oh look I made a robo toad you know he made a robo toad comic it was robo toad yeah is that is that you're like it was like to make fun of EVS and I I I'd never Reddit, but I went, hey man, this is like such small, stupid internet drama. It seems like a real waste of time to make a whole comic book about it, you know? It doesn't seem like a valuable use of your time. That's what I mean, man. That's weird.

Well, then, because then he made up with EVS and then he fought with EVS again. So I don't know what he wants. I guess he's having fun. That's what matters, right? No, what matters is that weird fucks are like driven away. and like banished and ignored and closed out of things and circles

well he has been you know and that thing wither away and die you know well I don't know I don't know exile in the in the cursed earth that's what matters the reason I know him is because he worked for my company the card game people

huh he came to us and he said he said hey I'm really into Did you pay it? He said, I really like Star Rooms. Can I make the Star Roams book? And he said, he said, yeah, and I said, yeah, whatever. I was not a part of this, but they said, yeah, you can write the Star Rome's book. Was it good? And then he started going, I never read that. I don't know. I have the promo card. I don't have time to read a fucking sci-fi novel based on this card game shit I worked on. You're always talking about it, though. The card game is fun. The lore is terrible. The lore is bad for Star Rooms. Whatever.

Okay. I'm not in charge. of the lore. Have you read the lore for tidly winks? Then he started going to like all these sci-fi conventions and holding up signs and says everybody in here is a fucking pedophile. And then they're like, uh, he's like, hey, you guys are going to reprint that star-rooms? Dude, he's Farva. He's fucking Farva from Super Troopers. That's who he is. Like, everybody's kind of goofing around. He's like, what's up, fuckheads? Like, you know, how he's always like being weird and taking it and not really getting what's funny? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it the comparison. Farva.

yeah people are like hey how come you guys never reprinted that star realms book and I'm like well the guy who wrote it holds up science and says everybody in the science fiction convention is a pedophile it's just it's not something they want to be associated with I didn't make the call John I'm sure your book's fun no no it's probably horrible he's fucking weird they're all terrible this shit is terrible I don't fucking know uh I don't know man I bet you it's fucking weird like listening to the Manson music fucking weird it is interesting that uh yeah he's like a he's like one of these you know christian guys who thinks uh the demons the demons are everywhere yeah but his kind somebody sent me one of his comics and i read a little bit and it's like this is just

nonsense it's like a it's like a medieval night and there's some weird furry cat girl with no tits and then there's like another weird cat boy it's very fucked up why's everyone sending you these comics are you reading they want me to rip them up but some of them are just too bad to rip up Well, I don't know. He's got a lot of him. Well, he sucks. I think we can both agree that he sucks. I'm still friends with JDA.

I'm not going to say he sucks. Why? He's a fucking weirdo. But he is, he is one of those friends that is, it is challenging to be friends with because you're like, oh, man, he's nuts. You got to cut these people off. Get your shit together. Yeah, they got to do me wrong.

As long as they don't do me wrong, what do I get out of it? Tiki the Mighty for two, Taylor Swift's engaged. brought to you by Pfizer. Daniel Adams for two, Vito and Studio is better, but all settle. The gentleman's sausage for five. Drugbusts in the desert are kind of akin to that time. They arrested a guy for paddleboarding alone in the middle of the sea for not social distancing. Drive a crane into town.

I'll sober up by then. Daniel Adams for two, FTP coming straight from the underground. Okay. Just Ivan for five. Vito, please release the version of Super Killer you sent to EVS. I don't know what you mean. You mean like the very original version? I sound like two years ago.

Mani Muskets for five. Next Tuesday's episode of The Most Important. Show will feature special guest Vito Giswaldi. I don't know what that means, but I look forward to seeing what that is. Annie Muskets, watch his show. I guess he's got somebody coming on this episode of Deep Sheets with Vietz. Daniel Adams for two. YouTube barely lets me call Vito Fat.

Diamond G for two. Vito manages his sheets like he does his mic. Lull. Daniel Adams for five. Vito settles for plastic cardboard. Windows, cheap bed sheets, bad audio, and decent comics. Matt C for two, the lad collective sheets fix this issue, this issue. Really?

Are they just deep? Hmm. Or what? L.J. Claverino for two. Go ahead. Vito, why don't you make a girlfriend out of a sheet? Bang. Dakasugi for two.

No S.C.'s. More like comfort. Poopass. Code Kake for five. Dick, you should read my email. Ask Vito if you know if he's down for the challenge. A weight loss challenge, Coke, cake, he's not losing any weight. I don't know what you, I don't know what you're thinking.

Sarah Gardner for two, Vito just get two flat sheets like the old days. Yeah, maybe. Curb Tire for two, when's the last time you were wrong, Vito? Never. Plumbo for five, cum fart, poop ass. Offen for two, come fart, poop ass. And Sparta Eternal for two says RIP, Dankula's Nazi pug. What are you doing?

This is the fucking, what do you call it? this is the what's the radio guy what? You can't come out of an uptempo song into a dead dog we're gonna end the show on a dead dog of all fucking things Casey Kasem

Casey Kasim said that? Yeah you never heard that No I heard it I didn't know it's Casey Kasem I don't want to hear this shit again no I'm out of here I quit I quit This is a classic clip It's a minute it's a minute long Thank you.