The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 212

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Here we go. Bup, Bup, Bup, Buh. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the masquerade. Do-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-do-d-do-do. Say something again? Can I test one?

Hello? Test one, two, three. Something with your audio changed during the theme song. Six, seven. Wait, what do you mean? It's all, like, fucked up and tinny and quiet. Did it change my microphone input? Probably.

Tinney and quiet, he said. It was just wrong. Do, do, do. Is it better now? He's still kind of messed up, man. Something's weird. Not normal. It's tinny, you're saying.

It's just off. Something's off with it. I figured it out. How about now? Well, you guys say something. Yeah, what happened? Yeah, what happened? Yeah, what happened?

I used a little bit of audio magic. You just had it pointed the wrong way. A little bit of an audio wizard. It got loose again. Sometimes the microphone gets turned around. I said put a sticker on it, like a hamburger or something. Well, I know which way is the front, but the thing is this big thing covers it so I can't see the front. Yeah, put the sticker on that.

That's what I mean. But you can't put a sticker on the foam. Sure you can. It doesn't fucking matter. It sounds horrible anyway. What does it matter if there's a sticker there? I don't want a sticker on it. Why?

It's a nice foam screen on there. You can't sell the foam then. You can't resell that foam for 30 cents. It took two seconds to figure out the fucking problem is not a big deal. When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band. Think about that. What's that from? That's from, uh, what do you call it?

Guys and Dolls. What does that have to do with it? The musical. Is that like a... Is there a microphone on backwards in that musical? Yeah, they got some microphone problems in the musical. When I was a young boy... Is that what...

My father... Yeah. Biggest problem. Yeah, it's the... In the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks... Every problem in the universe from pride flag hate to products you need to air rates.

I'm your host, Dick Mashes. You're joining me. He's always a video to Svaldi. How's it going? Good. Man, oh, man. Today's my holiday. I've got a real...

Today's your holiday? What? Black Friday? A blackest of Fridays. Yeah, what'd you buy? A lot of black stuff. A lot of, uh, Negro League memorabilia. Did you really?

I didn't uh, I bought a couple things. No, no way. What did you buy? A lot of magic card stuff. A lot of magic card stuff. Oh, like what? I got some, uh, lost caverns of Exelon pre-release packs, which I, I think I should have got more. You should have got more, definitely.

They're only 18 bucks. It's like, I think it's, it's free money. I can crack them open and make more money than I spend on them. You should buy infinity. Buy all they have. I'm thinking about it. I'm going to get more. I also got Dick, I got to say, do you use the hard key?

Do you use these things, use these? The hard key? The top loaders, the top loaders, you know these? No, no, no, I don't use those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait, were those for magic cards? The top loaders, yeah, yeah, yeah. I only have sleeves.

I only have dragon sleeves. I don't have any, like, look at my cards. This is the new shit, Dick. The ultra pro card presents. observer. What's it looked like? But the problem it's incredible. It's like everything that sucked about the top loader has been fixed.

The top loader scratches easily. You can't get them open. You can't get them open. You can't get them open. You can't get them open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I is, that is the worst. This is not sponsored content. I just, they sent me a sample. I ordered some from Ultra Pro. They sent me a sample pack of like three of these. And I said, that's the smartest thing you ever

did because I got three of mine. I said, I need a hundred million of these. All those companies have a picture of you on their warehouse, on their fulfillment warehouse. When your orders come in, it goes, sucker alert, sucker alert, wah, wah, sucker alert. Dump the shit on them. Dump it on them.

So here we have a bad lands in a hard case. It's all scratched. These things get completely scratched. They're way too thick. They take up the whole box. Why are you fiddling around with this so much? It doesn't matter. Just like they rub up against each other. They become all scratch. The card looks like crap. Now I take this,

Ultra Pro. It's a It's a soft sleeve with a with a slight plastic backing. Okay, all right, all right. So I slide it in there just a slight thin plastic bag. Now here's the best part. The other part of these is the top doesn't close.

Okay. So next thing you know, all this dust and dirt is getting in here. Yeah. Always the tops of cards, if you look at the tops of cards, they're always covered in dirt. This guy, little seal here. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to peel this stick off.

Yeah. And now it is perfectly sealed forever. Well, what are you going to do when a better loader comes out and you got to put it in the new loader? No, it's a resellable. It's a resellable. Oh, so you can take it out. Oh, okay.

You can take it back out. This is the future of card protection. And I have to say, uh, ultra pro. If you're looking to sponsor or anybody, I'm a big fan, you nailed it. You nailed it. Yeah, but you already did the ad. With the card preserver. Yeah, but I could take it all back.

Look, first of its kind. It says it right on the box. That doesn't scream integrity if you're trying to sell ads that you could take it all back. Look, the point is that my Black Friday, I, I, I ordered like 20 cases of these, and I've just been re-sleeving all my cards. That's your, that's your Thanksgiving week? That's my Thanksgiving. Just re-sleeving fucking cards? Re-sleeving, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How many of those did you get? Not enough. Not enough. Because I want to resleeve the whole. What did you get 20,000? of those sleeves? It's not, look, I got this whole box full of top loaders and I want to replace it with the

Card Preserver Plus. Why? Because they're thinner. They don't, this box is so heavy. It's the, and they all get scratched up. It looks like crap. Why do they get scratched up, though? Why are you always juggling that box around? I'm not. They just naturally scratch. They just scratch on their own? They're all covered in scratches. They're scratched.

They're terrible. It's the worst. How often are you doing, how often are you shuffling them like you're doing? I mean, I got to move them around and I got to organize the cards and add new stuff to them. How often are you organizing those cards in the boxes? Every single day, every single day,

you get to make a little damage in the organization. Look at this alpha. This is alpha. This is from alpha. Alpha. Alpha Regrowth in the card preserver plus. Now that's beautiful. That's beautiful. It looks so much better.

It looks so much better than it's in the fucking the... These have been around since the 90s. This is the old stuff. We're done with it. We have new technology. The top loader. The top loader is gone. How many of the new ones did you buy that you're going to mess with? I got like...

It's like I got 10 packs of 25 so I only got 250. That's nothing. That's nothing. Yeah, because they're expensive. I found a site that was getting rid of them. And now I got to go back to that site because they're clearancing them for like six bucks a box. And I'm like, now I've got to go buy out the rest they have. because this is the future of card preservation.

It's exciting. It's exciting. You get to resleeve all your cards. I get to resleeve all my cards. I've been meaning to resleeve. I haven't resleeved in a while. That's amazing. Yeah. I hope my Final Fantasy surge foils.

Resleeve them. Resleeve them. Yeah. Look at that. Look at that T-4. Yeah. Yeah, it's disappointing. What do you think about the tits on the?

on the magic Tifa. It's not bad. They are bad. That's bad? You don't think those titties are good enough? No. No, they have no weight to them. No, that's, it's ridiculous.

I've seen actual women with better tits than that in a sports bra. What about this lady? It's a joke. What about her? I can't see it, tilt it. There's no tits at all. I'm not interested in that. Was it a guy that you showed?

No, I think that is a late. I don't actually know. Now. And then this Tifa, they hid the tities. She's doing like a thing in front of her chest, so I can't even tell. It looks gross. It looks like, it looks like Sonic Art. It looks gross.

It looks like somebody to do that themselves. It does look kind of like Sonic Art. Okay. So, interesting, card stuff. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving. That was from Kebsis, the ride. Having to get multiple estimates, that was the big winner.

Last week, obviously. It's a big pain in the app. happens all the time cars you know whatever even dating is like trying to get better estimates you know what do i get what do i get from you oh this sucks i'm gonna go find somebody else but how's the asbestos going i forgot about it but one guy wrote me and said what do you forgot about it i forgot i forgot about it i uh one guy wrote to me and said uh don't replace it whatever you do you're going to kill everyone and then another guy wrote me and said great idea dude as soon as possible so i quit i gave up

I'll let the next guy worry about it. And by that, I mean dad. VOCs, everything stinks. Yeah, everything stinks. No way to short the collectibles market. But now I know to invest hard in card preservers. Yeah. I got to get in on this.

The guy making the money isn't the guy finding the gold. It's the guy selling the shovel. It's the guy selling the shovel. It's the guy selling the shovel. The guy was selling the pans. The guy selling the pickaxes. the guy renting out the prospecting equipment. It's the guy selling the shovel.

I wish I knew enough of those to never have to say anything else again. Just always have an idiom ready to go for any situation. A sales idiom. The guy... The guy isn't getting rich on... The guy who's getting rich is the one selling the shovel.

I see... I don't know why. I keep getting these sponsored ads for a deck. of cards where each card is a answer to a common thing a prospective client might say. What? Where it's like, well, if a client

says, we just want to shop around for the best price, it has the answer you're supposed to give in that situation where it goes, well, you know, I don't know, you know, well, you can go looking for the best price or do you want it done right? I can get a good price sticking my head up a T-bone's ass, a bull's ass.

But I like to take my word for it. I can stick my head up a butcher's ass, but damn it I was watching Tommy Boy two days ago while you're sleeping cards it's free on YouTube right now YouTube occasionally has movies

and they're like do you want to watch Tommy Boy and I got about 10 minutes into it before realizing no I do not want to watch Tommy Boy why it's fine it's like it's not like a rewatch this movie you know I'm talking about it's great it's it's all right it's fine

why is Tommy Boy not up to your standards? I don't know. It's just like, it's like that 90s. It doesn't hit the same way, I guess. Would you like it more if they called it Vito Boy? I would like it more if they called it Vito Boy. I would have a good time with that. Too much pride flag hate was last, obviously.

I think part of the problem is I start thinking about how much I hate that movie Black Sheep. How disappointing that was. That was a bad one. M. Rath says my favorite part of the episode is where Dick reads the comments and it upsets Vito. Good comments. Oh, I'm sure you'll get some of that today.

Ryan Harville says, I love the show. My favorite long-running bit is giving Vito $100 for a comic a couple years ago and never receiving it. Every week with no updates, it's like, Zing, you got me, Vito. Funny stuff, really funny stuff. It's a good bit. It's a good long con. Banana Stan says Vito complaining about mean

comments is my new favorite bit. Great way to bring attention to the bit. See, they like it. There you go. My Dongle says, you people are losing your minds. Meanwhile, Vito is losing his mind over literal internet comments, LMA. Saddlebag says the comment about Vito's test 112 is so true He says yeah I should just I'll just count the numbers in order from now on Back you guys at home

Zach troughs Maybe I'll start at 10 and go down Why don't you let me know in the comments how to make your life better With numbers Tell them how to count I feel like I'm doing Sesame Street for a fucking retards at this point where they go I don't like he says the numbers more than one time He should he should uh stay

the numbers in order. Yeah. They are the retains. Because they're saying like you're not like a radio big shot. Like he's going test one one. I know. So I'll just say I'll just You're trying to zazz it up. Tell me what you would like me to say when we're

testing the audio. I'll just go. I'm gay. Pizza pie. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm a huge homo. Put a dick in my mouth. That should be. That should be the industry standards. Test one, two, three cocks in my ass. Four cocks right at my ass.

Yeah, that's good. Tom Cruise has to get on the mic and go, I'm a big homo. And they go, oh, got him to say. Unless you say that, we can't calibrate the microphone. They're calibrated to that. It hits the exact syllables we need to say. And it's like, you know, that one phrase that hits each thing we need. So just get on the mic and say, I'm a huge homo.

And we can use that. Sacks drop says, just count normally. You're not launching into space. Just testing a shitty mic in a shitty apartment filled with toys. You'll never use. I agree. I agree. Kristen Dorfer says, I'm listening to the audio while working,

and Vito keeps pulling up images and describing them poorly. Higgy says the FBI did. Oh, here's the one related to the show. The FBI did come in and say, hey, listen, you can't have that on your desk anymore. In fact, they emailed it to the entire Justice Department. There you go. So pride flag this.

Well, why if one guy's got a pride flag on his desk? They got to send a message to everybody going, hey, get that gay flag off that one guy's desk. kind of seems performative as well. Well, because if you don't stop the one guy, then there's two guys doing it. Yeah. And then four guys, and then eight guys. And then 16 guys.

That's how you got to do you need more? You got to nip it in the bud. You got to nip it in the bud. Arcum patient says, Vito says, I don't know why you guys have to be so negative. Makes another video criticizing Star Wars. Why can't all of you be positive? Complains about magic and cards on Twitter. If you were more positive, you'd get more of what you like.

delays comic for several years that people were genuinely positive and excited about. How positive was I about the card preserver at the outset of this? I can be positive. Yeah, but you were also negative about that other type of card loader. They're old. I mean, the positives outweigh the negative. I'm not saying they didn't serve their place in history. Yeah.

You know, but at a certain point, you got to move aside for the new generation. Frogwashing. Ultra Pro, card preserver. We protect it. You collect it. Is that their slogan? at ultrapro.com. No, that's, I'm trying some new, like, I'm trying

some pitches out. I want to, I want to get an ultra pro endorsement. Collect it? Yeah, that's pretty good. From off the top of the head, that's pretty good. It's pretty good. Now ruin it by editing. You collect it, we protect it. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, I have a trademark

that. Oh. That's pretty good. Frog washing says, Vito, you should make an AI song about sending out your comic. Maybe I will. Chocolate noodle says, petty complaints is the theme of the show. People are real upset about that.

A serious man. Well, I sparked discussion, which is the most important thing in the universe. 415 says not enough Indian shit. Jesus, Vito, we get it. You're liberal. Native Americans are cool. That's from the bonus episode, by the way, which everyone should listen to. Native Americans are cool?

Yeah, well, the idea of Native Americans are cool. The Italian one? The Italian one. The Italian one? Always live up to the hype. It never does in those race-based to situate. Like, the idea of black people is great. It's like sports, rap, culture.

Oh, okay. You know, like how the media envisions black people. When they come up, when they go, we need a black Spider-Man. He'd be really cool, and he'd be rapping, and he'd be, like, you know, swinging around on his webs or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, if Spider-Man was really a black guy, it wouldn't be as. good. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, what would it be like? He'd be like saving the bodega,

and then the bodega guy turns around and goes, I deserve a Coca-Cola or something for all that saving I did. Oh, he takes that. He'd go, can I get a, you know, can I get some, uh, some cools? Yeah, goes, oh, I just thought Spider-Man just saved people. He's like, yeah, but I feel like you'd give me a pack of menthol. He'd want something for it. You're probably right.

It wouldn't be, you know, absolutely. wouldn't be as good. Yeah. I think he would still be good as Spider-Man. There'd just be, like, some extra, you know. Most of the comic would be about should he have taken those cools or not, though. Like, that's the, I mean, that's, like, the real question of the comic then. Like, is he a hero?

I don't know. He stole those cools. It's not like the kind of pressured, he coerced the shop owner into giving him cools. And he's also, it feels like he should just pay the child support. I feel like he can afford it, you know? You'd be saying all that. the time. Yeah.

Whereas Spider-Man would be swinging around, and his baby mom would be like, Spider-Man, this is your kid, Spider-Man. He'd be like, oh, I got to go fucking Thanos and the stones. I got to go, you know? So it would always be like, there'd be something going on. Okay. Chris World says, I never liked Thanksgiving turkey. It's dry and gross.

I always rather have the ham. That's great. Another, another someone with their opinion on turkey. Ham-oficionado. You see J.D. Vance decided to get on that fucking Chunk of chung-a-chunk of shit about Who likes turkey? Yuck, yuck, yuck. Yuck it up, everyone.

You see that? It's not a bit. It's like, it's a legitimate thing. You know what? Maybe that's my accessible bits. That's my problem. Accessible bits. Bits that anyone can do, they bring them up at random moments or even

at time, everyone's expecting it like a knock-knock joke. And they act like they just said something profound. Everybody's dying, rolling around. That's so true. Turkey is fucking dry. Ha ha ha ha ha. Man, this guy really gets it.

Right? Accessible bits. That's the problem. Yeah. Anybody can do it is what you're saying. Yeah, anybody can do it. Say it. But maybe it's not a bit.

Maybe it is a universal truth. And people just don't love turkey that much. Why they act like they just said a joke then? I guess some people do that. No one likes rape and he's not. up there, man, rape, right? Sucks. Well, that's... I mean,

it's a little dark. I got some people like that. Somebody might. I, you know, it's I think you're right. It's an accessible water cooler type joke. Anybody can make. Anybody can get into.

How about that turkey, huh? Did you have turkey? You had turkey, right? Yeah, it was good. It was good. It was good. Water. Something, oh yeah, in the ghetto. Oh, wait, this is the wrong. What is this?

I don't know what this is. Okay, that's all my comments for this week. Well, music man, play me a song. Sing me a song, O Piano Man. I wonder if you know. Biggest problem. Dot show. If you've seen it and you mean it,

then you know you must vote. Fat and furious. Vote, vote, vote. Fat and furious. song? Vote. Vote. Is it fat and furious?

I forget what the original song is. Is it fast and furious? It didn't feature a soft-spoken British man doing the lyrics, the original. I know that. I bet he was Australian. I don't think he was British. That's possible. I'm going to say Australian.

Welcome back to voted up, guys. Everyone's favorite news segment where we look at the problems and we put them in context. Dick, here's one you brought in from episode 26, the problem of bad jannies. These are internet. moderators. That's my biggest regret from the show. Why? What do you mean?

Because it should have like, bad is like, is subjective. It's either a janny or not. All jannies are jannies. Yeah. All jannies or jannies. Well, I don't know if you saw the recent internet janitor discourse, which is taking Reddit by a storm this week. Uh-oh. Whereas one of Reddit's most popular boards has had its entire moderation staff quit.

Dilled. after a big flubster. Now, this was the art community, R-slash art. Is a place where, of course, if you're an artist, you post your art. You can post all your child porn there. Did they get, is it child porn related?

They all accused each other of having child porn, and they all did, as it turned out? That was a different incident. That was not this incident. That happened on, that was two weeks ago. That was on our politics. This week, artist Hayden Clay, posted a new piece of artwork called Clear Boundaries.

How exciting is that? He said, look at my new exciting art. Clear Boundaries? Clear Boundaries. I will show you the picture. It is not pedophilic. Here it is up on the screen. You better explain it good for people that are listening.

Because your explanation usually suck. It is a picture of two orange traffic cones made out of stained glass. I don't really understand. it, but it's art, and I'm probably not supposed to. This is digital 3D, so he modeled traffic cones, and then he skinned them as

stained to glass. Now, what's the issue here? Where are the traffic cones so close together? It's a pedophile reference, I'm sure. I don't fucking know that. That makes sense. That makes a lot of sense. I knew it. Yeah, that's what it is.

Okay. So, he posts this nice little picture of the fucking traffic cones. And here's the thing. He mentions... How come he didn't make some pornography? Like, why is he wasting all that time making traffic cones? He's also making pornography, but you can make the pornography. You don't post it on art.

You post it elsewhere. All right? Now, he mentioned in his post, he said, by the way, I'm selling prints of this digital work, if anyone would like one. Get rid of them. Get rid of that shit. The Reddit moderator said, oh, you're not allowed to sell your art. I'm deleting your post and your banned.

You're banned from the Reddit. You're not allowed to commercialize any of his old posts too. Well, this turned to do a big kerfuffle on the art board. And eventually, again, this is a board with seemingly millions of daily visitors. All the moderators have quit after being told you guys are cock suckers. Wait, he was a shit of a guy. They all quit? Yeah, they all quit because everybody on the board was kept going into posts and just putting the word print over and over to drive the moderators nuts.

They quit over that? They quit. They said, we're done. And now the art board, which again, one of the top Reddit boards is now shut down. You can't post there. There's no moderation. That's awesome. That's good for them.

They really quit. They really said they burned the bridge. Did they change their passwords to random characters and change their emails to their accounts? I'm not entirely sure. Again, the board is locked down. They have disabled comments, awards, and new submissions. And what you're telling me, did that actually happen? Are you making this up?

The moderators announced their resignation with a simple message saying, you win, we all resign, and then locking down the board. That post currently has 23,000 down votes, and many are accusing the mods of being on a power trip. Oh, really? You don't say? How do you even type that with a straight face? Like, how do you bring yourself to say,

you're on a power trip to a Reddit mod? It's very bizarre The Reddit moderators It's like yelling at your wife You're not making any sense right now Yeah wow No shit Well I think this is

This is related to another problem I brought in the The bizarre You have a problem with what they're doing Hatred of self-promotion A guy just goes Hey I made a cool piece of art Kill him

If you want to buy it Maybe I can make a little bit of money off it Then I can keep making art Yeah shut it down Lock it down The small amount of joy That I would have got from your art is offset

by the annoyance and disgust that I feel from seeing you plug your crappy art. That's the problem. So it's a net negative and it makes me not want to interact with our art anymore. Well here, real quick, tell me if you think this was professional

from the moderator. Here's the exact exchange they had. Strawberry is the artist in this situation. She says, are you seriously... Oops, oops, oops, sorry. Whoops. He goes, are you banning me for giving more opinion on my, or more information on my work? The moderator goes, no, I banned you.

That was what Strawbear said to open it up. Yeah, yeah. That is an insane amount of attitude. They deleted his post. That is an insane amount of attitude. I hope that one of the mods tracks him down and delete his account in real life. Oh, my God. He goes, no, I banned you for breaking our rules.

But I can remove all your old posts as well if you'd like. Like. Okay, time to apologize. Great. Strawbear goes, just delete the comment and move on. Sorry I mentioned the word print. Rob. Mod goes, your history has been removed. This guy needs to be.

This guy is not. Strawbear? Strawbear is shut down. Is not as good of an artist for how much of an asshole he is. He's just, he's reeking of entitlement. This smug cock sucker did break the rules, was given a chance to just delete it and move on, right? Like normal. and he chose to lip off

with no power to Ahmad. He probably acts like this in real life too. Okay. Now you're just... Total cocksucker. Now you're just being contrarian. Do you know that guy? A very normal thing.

I feel like I know him in my heart. What a nut job, dude. Just delete it and move on. Fuck you, bro. How about deleting all of your shit? Boom. Well, don't delete all this shit. That's not fair.

That's not nice. This guy's out of your making art. His art sucks. Two traffic cones made out of stained glass? Most art sucks, but at least he put effort in. Bad art should be punished. And the artists who make it should be penalized for it. Well, exactly like that.

Here he's been celebrated because as a result of the so-called Streisand effect, his work has been shared millions of times across many platforms, and they've just amplified his work. What does it matter? It sucks. The whole earth could see it. His art sucks. Somebody likes.

it. Somebody likes it. Who likes two stained glass traffic cones? Well, not me. I think it looks kind of fucking stupid. Yeah. I think the idea... Strawberry, you fucking suck. Never do any art again. No, stop it. I think the theory is like normally a plastic traffic cone. It's like, you know, you would just run into it, knock it over.

And here, if it was an ornate thing made of stained glass, you'd be more careful about where you drive and park so you don't... But stained glass is only in church. So why is it stained glass? In a church. It could be a, in a mosque or a... Okay. Some people have stained glass in their houses or whatever.

You can have a stained glass window. What the hell has stained glass in their house? There was a period of time where people would have stained glass windows in their house. Like nice old houses. Not 19, 1900, early 19th, 18th century. Did you give a year? 18th century? 18, no, 952, 911. It's true.

Hey. Has a black person ever had stained glass in your house? Pizza Hut had stained glass lamps at every table. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. There you go. So it looks like a pizza hut. Great. It looks like a pizza hut. Hey, who didn't like the Pizza Hut? How dare you give the Reddit mods a win?

It's embarrassing. Sorry. No, him. Straw beer. Yeah. Okay. I missed the Pizza Hut Pizza buffet. That was the good pizza buffet.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, that's the problem of Bad Jannies. guys currently number 96 with 5006 up votes voted up dick how do you feel about the swastika oh man hate it i wake up every day hating it well you may or may not agree with the u.s coast guard which is issued confusing guidance on how to view the swastika you can only view it if you're hating if you're seeing it that someone's saying i can't believe someone did this look see then

you're allowed to look at it otherwise you can't look at swastikas very straightforward it's uh It's actually inside the Ark of the Covenant was a big swastika, and that's why Indiana Jones said, Oh, I heard that. Don't look at it. Don't look at it. Don't make you anti-Semitic. The U.S. Coast Guard on Thursday responded to controversy about a recent memo reclassifying swastikas and nooses as hate symbols. Okay. Now, previously, the Coast Guard in their official documentation said that noose is swastikas and any symbols or flags, co-opted or adopted by hate groups can be represented as hate speech within the organization and punished accordingly. However, as the Washington Post discovered, there was a new policy being implemented that downgraded the swastika.

So the swastika was like the tip of the Nazi con three. All right. Threat level attic is in effect. basically it said that the swastika was a political symbol and potentially divisive but not necessarily hate speech Now

Someone got paid for that? Someone got paid to do that Someone got paid to make a memo reclassifying The swastika as As good as Newses But after this Washington Post story broke I think certain people got on the phone The Coast Guard and they said

Oh we got to call them Coast Guard got the call. Oh, no. Got a call on the special Star of David's Shaved phone, and they picked up and they said, What are you doing with the do you can't reclassify the swastika? It's going to be chaos. It's going to. I think doesn't like this bit.

So anyway, the swastika and nooses have been re-upgraded. We're back to full. And nooses? This is a three-way call? This is a three-way call. The emperor of black people got on? with the Netanyahu with the Coast Guard? The Emperor of Black People got in.

Wow. What's her name? Kamala Harris herself got in there. Oh, she's the new Emperor of Black People? Well, she was the one who famed. You got an Indian doing that job now? She was the one who was promoting. We got it. The no news is we got a ban new. We got a ban, what do you call it? Linching, I think was her thing. And you're like, Lynch. Pretty sure that's, I think that's already banned. It's called murder. Yeah, I think that's murder. And it's like, no, no, no. We have to explicitly ban lynching.

And you're like, well, all right. I think if I hang a guy with a rope, I'm going to get in trouble. I don't think you need like a new law. You know? Yeah. We don't know how to charge this guy. No one's ever hung a guy with a rope before. We just don't know how to look at this.

Yeah. That's what black people want. They want more laws, more explicit laws like that. Right? Like, I like the idea that every time you commit murder, if you committed in a way that no one's committed murder before, they can't charge you. No one's ever killed a guy with a squirrel, so we don't know what to do about it. It's just that means it's legal. We found a loophole, Morty.

If you, yeah, if you take a beaver and you slap a guy to them, they can't do anything. I don't want them to be killing us two or three at a time. Don't let them, make that illegal. It's already illegal. Yeah, but make it illegal for two at a time. All right, we're going to make a law that says two white guys can't kill a black guy. Yeah, that's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. Finally. Finally, as the Reverend B. King said, we shall overcome. And thankfully, divisive and hate symbols are still prohibited by the U.S. Coast Guard. Wait, so swastikas are prohibited or they're not prohibited? They're prohibited. You can't go swastaking around. There was a period of about a week where all the sailors were just running up and down the boats, scrolling swastikas on everything. And going, this is just politically divisive speech. It's just politically divisive speech. But now it has been reclassified. As a hate crime. As hate speech, they had a big swastika problem in the Coast Guard? These guys love drawing, I don't know if you've ever met a sailor, but you look away for a second.

You turn back around and the guys drawn 100 fucking swastikas and you go, what are you doing? Yeah, I saw a video of this. Some sailor with a big flat hat and curls coming down the side of it, drawing much swastikas. It must have been a sailor. It was a big sailor. It was a big outfit for a sailor. Sam in the seas. Anyway, guys, that's the swastika scaries, if you thought.

All you guys in the Coast Guard, if you thought the swastika was on limits, it is back off limits. So knock it off. No more swastikas. Right, right. Okay. There you go. All right. That's it.

How long is this intro? Too long. Uh. I wondered if you go. At least he got good focus. Yeah, he's nailing it. And you mean it. Then you know you must vote.

Fat and furious. Yeah. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Yeah, that's cool.

That's cool, man. All right. Is it my turn? You are the winner. Okay. Get ready. This is going to blow your socks off. Get ready for this. I thought this was a stupid problem, but then as I researched it, I uncovered a web of treachery and bribery. and Grinchery and

killjoying and really taking something that was beautiful every year at Christmas and perverting it and ruining it

for everyone I'm talking about paywalled Santas okay in the 80s and 90s did you go to see Santa when you were a kid? I was Santa

you were Santa but did you go as a kid yeah I'm sure Yeah, a couple times. I remember going as a kid. You just walk up. He's at the store. He's at the supermarket.

Whatever. He's at the mall. You go up, have a seat. Maybe they'll take a picture and charge you five bucks, but usually your parents take a picture, right? I go to take my son to Santa for the Christmas season because I want a nice picture of him crying on Santa's lap. And I type it into Google and it says, all right, you're in luck.

Santa Claus is at the fucking Glendale Galleria. And I said, oh, okay, cool. And they're like, click here to see. the times and I click here to look at the times and they go yep it's all day and it's only it's only if you come if you come over the Thanksgiving weekend it's a special uh half price 40 bucks and I said what it's what 40 bucks what no no no no no click click click click I start clicking around right it goes up to 60 bucks I said whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa what I don't want to picture package or anything like this, they say, no, it's not optional anymore. It's $60.

You have to get the picture. You have to get it. You have to get the whole Santa experience now. You can't just go and sit on the lap and buy some stuff, you know? That doesn't exist anymore. The incentive to get you in. That was the original. It was to bring you in to buy stuff, yeah. Yeah, and you get to listen to what your kid wants for Christmas, right? It's a nice, nice society we had going. Yeah. Where you bring your kid in, some fucking fat guy wearing a Santa outfit sits there, does basically nothing all day, and you get a picture with him, and it's a nice memory. Well, it's been destroyed, and I'll tell you what destroyed it.

Okay? It started in, I started doing some research, because I was like, there's no way. This is not, this is not what it was when I was. Is this nationwide, or is this a Glendale Galleria pro? This is nationwide. In the 90s, it was almost universally free, okay? Santa's was a traffic driver to give family shopping. But in the early 90s, a few malls started experimenting with professional photography companies,

setting up elaborate Santa sets, right? You may remember some of those when you were a kid. Charging optional fees. But then companies like, here I have them, I have some of them listed here, Cherry Hill Photo Enterprises, NORA programs in worldwide photography, started signing exclusive contracts with mall chains. And part of those contracts is the banning of personal cameras near Santa to protect the photo sales. But that was in the 90s.

Yeah, that's when it started in the mid-90s. Well, I'm saying now, now they're running into the theme park problem where it's like, how do you stop someone from taking a picture of Santa? No, no, no, they'll slap it out of your hand. They have security guards there to stop you from taking pictures. Okay, now, since they got their greedy little hooks into the Santa experience, it's expanded nationwide. Now, there's nowhere that you can get a free picture with Santa anymore. Did you know that?

I'm sure there's some places you can get- Absolutely nowhere. Not in the street, not anywhere. There's nowhere you can get a free picture of Santa anymore. What about Yankee Candle? Can I get a free picture of Santa Yankee Candle? No. Only, oh here, I found the

In the 2000s to now. Yeah. Okay, the prices started around 15 to 25 bucks in the 2000s and have crept up over the years to now $30 to $60. Can you believe that? Well, I understand that.

Because you have to do it. Well, it's greedy. You don't have to do it. I mean, I guess you got a kid, you want to do it. You don't have to do it, but yes, everyone with a kid has to do it. 60 bucks. What you're supposed to do is,

have a family party and one guy dresses up as Santa and you get the pictures there. No, that's shitty because that guy's always showboating and trying to do his personal take on Santa or saying things that are out of pocket as Santa. It's too fucking annoying. Getting a little drunk, having a little too much fun.

You go, you're supposed to be Santa, man. Yeah, you're supposed to be Santa. Yeah, shut up. It's magical. That he's maybe a real, that he's a real guy. For who? For everyone.

It's magical for everyone. one. Even me. No, it's not. Yes, it is. It's magical for everyone. You go there and you go, ah, maybe that guy's really Santa. Yeah, you do a little bit. You do because you've seen like Ernest saves Christmas or elf or something, and you do kind of a little bit. Well, the last time I saw Santa was like five years ago. I went to the Yankee Candle Factory in Massachusetts.

And they have a Santa year round, but this was Christmas, so he was there more. He's there year-round, Santa? Yeah, year-round they have Santa at Yankee. They have an entire Christmas village section of Yankee Candle where you can see Santa Claus all the time. You can just go visit him. Right. He's just there.

Like Santa's Village? Yeah, it's like a, well, it's like, yeah, it's a part of the store that has toys and fake snow and Joshy's here. Why is there Santa there all the time? That's the gimmick. This is Santa's workshop and he's just fucking there. And if you want to bring your kid. Yeah, it's a middle of,

Some kids want to see Santa in random fucking times. No, you need like, it's like off season. You need like, you need like some kind of a break from Santa. You don't need Santa from January. I went to see Santa. I got the picture with Santa. He didn't charge me anything. And you got a free toy for meeting Santa.

You got a free toy? Yeah, I leave Santa. I go, what's my free toy? And it was a director orsincrenic pop figure. Wait, I'm like, what kid? Like a mother's milk? Yeah, like a mother's milk. I got a director or synchronic pop figure from Santa.

They're giving away. Those things are expensive. How are they giving those away? I think those were one of the left-over ones. I don't think any kid wanted director orson-cernic. Nobody wants mother's milk either. Those are fucking expensive. Well, I think kids are getting mother's milks.

I think if you go and you sit on Santa's lap at the fucking Yankee candle, you're probably got good odds of getting a mother's milk. When was this happening with Free Santa? Five years ago. I have a video of it. I don't think they're doing free. free Santas at Yankee Candles anymore. I would think Yankee

Candle would still have a free Santa. Okay, so the last people who are doing it are Bass Pro Shops and Cabellas. Basically, like, the white people. Like, the white people's places. Well, because the old, it was a loss leader. You pay a guy to be

Santa, and then they come into the FAA Schwartz and they buy bullshit. Well, it doesn't exist anymore. It's 60 bucks now. $60 to go take a picture with Santa. Fuck's the point. you also, I think part of the charm, I think you've also lost the charm of it used to be like, you know, like shitty Santas and it was funny. And now it's like professional Santa's or taking away too seriously. Yeah.

This is like a guy with head shots. I just got to be Santa because they're like, you're fat. Have fun with it. Yeah, this is like a guy who's like being Santa. Like, okay. Oh, ho. It's like, yeah. It's a little much.

That's not your real voice. Relax. Well, I mean, he's got to do a voice. Santa doesn't have a voice You could just be himself No, that's what I mean, that's shit Just be yourself Ho-ho-ho

You don't want Santa to go Hey, oh-oh-oh You don't have to be sarcastic Santa Just say Ho-ho-ho So did you meet a Santa? Did you go see a Santa? No, I was too annoyed

that it was $60 I didn't want to go I needed some time to think about it I mean, okay, you are looking at a Glendale Gallery of Santa You got to find a shit Shittier Mall. I found it's part of the problem.

I did find a shitty or a shittier mall on an Arcadian. It's like $40. It's $30 to $60. Wherever you go. That's California taxation on the Sanchez. Paywall Santa. It's all over. It's all over the country.

Yeah. What I'm saying? The prices are probably inflated in California. They're 30 bucks everywhere else. Except at Cabela's. Yeah. I've never been to a Bass Pro Shops. I wish I could.

You haven't been to the one in Vegas? Is that the one that's a pyramid? or is the pyramid somewhere else? I don't know. It might be a pyramid. I don't think it's a pyramid there. You know the world's largest pyramid is a Bass Pro Shops, right?

No, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's a giant fucking pyramid. They do that just to have the biggest pyramid in the world? I think they bought it from a different company that was using it for like it was supposed to be something.

They're like, can we make this into a Bass Pro Shops? And they're like, yeah, sure, we don't know what else to do with it. What was it? Why does everyone know that part, but they don't know what it was originally? I mean, I'm sure if you look it up, you can look it up. I don't look up things on this show famously. I don't know what it was before.

Because I'm not, it's not part of the show. Kind of a gay bar. Probably. Yeah. It's probably a big gay triangle. Probably. All right, that's my problem. Paywald Santa.

I wish Puck and Waltzantas. I don't need all that crap. I don't even need the Easter bunny. Are you an Easter bunny guy? You can bring the kid to the Easter Bunny? Nah, I don't like the East Steader Bunny. I don't care about that. So that's when it started getting out of control

was when the malls realized they could start coming up with other fucking shit. Well, that'd be great if it was free. Like, oh, it's Mario Day. Let's go to the mall and take a picture with Mario. Awesome. It's 10 bucks. No, thank you.

I remember having a huge fight with my elf and having to explain to a lady and half a Santa costume why she had come all the way to specifically come for Pet Day, you get a picture of your dog with Santa. And I had to explain to her that I had a falling out with my elf and there was no one to take the fucking pictures. So sorry.

What kind of dog was it? I don't remember. I remember feeling bad that this lady came out to get a picture of her dog with Santa. And I'm like, well, my fucking elf just stormed off. Wait a minute. Why couldn't she take the picture? Because this was back before our cell phones. So she didn't have anything to take a picture with.

Oh. Yeah. Wow, that was a long time ago. She didn't have any friends? you know, I didn't I didn't like get into it with her it was still like kind of whatever situation where I'm like

I gotta figure out where my fucking elf is we're not gonna make any money today so the elf stormed off we had some stupid fight I think because I told him to take his nose ring out I'm like dude can you take your fucking nose ring out Santa's elf doesn't have a fucking nose ring they got all pissed at me

yeah you're just not it was unprofessional just because you're dressed like Santa doesn't make you the boss you're just another guy dressed up didn't need to constantly definitely was doing heroin or something in between. I got to go

real quick. Who cares? No, I'm not a cop, but I'm like, dude, we got a line of like 12 guys and he'd be like, I got to go to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom. I'm like, there's like 12 people waiting for a thing. You already went to the fucking bathroom. I think that's why he stormed off. We had in one of those

fights. Yeah, that's like good old-fashioned Santa stuff. That's what I need. I don't want this like, I don't want this cherry junkie. geography shit. Like, I don't want a Santa experience. I just want to go take a picture with Santa. Well, again, you might have to find, like, an alternate Santa experience.

But they're all going to gravitate towards that. I need something totally new. No, there's probably, you got to find, like, a bar that's having, like, a holiday party and bring the kid there, you know? I don't want that. Or they got a Santa set up. No, no, no, no. They got like that. I don't need a bar.

There's probably, like, a friars club doing, like, a pancake. uh, fucking benefit or something for the homeless. And they'll have a Santa. All right. Now you're talking. Friars Club. Yeah, you got to find. But then they're going to be like, do you want to donate for the Friars Club or something

like that? Yeah, but you don't, first of all, you don't have to. Second of all, you probably get pancakes or whatever the fuck they're doing it. I don't want pancakes. Oh, well, I get the pan. Give them the lady. The lady, I'll eat the pancakes. You get the picture.

Why are pancakes involved? It's like a pan. Or whatever. They do like a dinner or like a dinner. a pancake, you know, for like the fireman. I don't want any fireman around, that's for sure. All I know is there's probably going to be pancakes. A bunch of fucking guys around.

There's going to be pan... There's going to be guys. Guys manage the Santa experience. Women don't manage Santa. You don't have to manage anything. It's just a guy. It's just a guy sitting there. Well, you got to have one guy who's watching Santa to make sure Santa does it right.

It's a big problem. Because it's a big problem. Yeah. I agree. You'll keep an eye out. It's too much, man. I got too much to do. I can't be nickel and diming Santa Claus.

Why don't you just take a picture of the kid, feed it into AI, and go, can you generate a Santa Claus? Because it won't generate pictures of real people. It won't accept those photos. Santa Claus is not a real guy. The baby. It won't take a picture of your kids if you put it in there. Yes, you will. What are you talking about?

No, it won't. Not when I do it. What AI are you using? You can do it just want to do it with celebrity. You can't do it with celebrities, but you can say, hey, generate a Santa Claus. No, it'll say, well, you can say generate a Santa Claus. You can't put in your own picture and say, generate a Santa Claus and put me on it. You can hold the baby and you can go to AI and go replace me with Santa Claus.

No, I won't do that. All right. I've done that. It won't do it. It'll say, nah, it's a real person. Have you tried nano banana? Have you tried nano banana? No, I haven't tried.

I haven't tried that. What is that? Try nano banana. It's the new image model. It'll do anything. I'll wait for the next one. They also haven't outlawed celebrities yet, so you can make them do whatever you want. Okay.

What are we doing here? Okay, here's my problem, Dick. Today I go to feed my cats. Because if you might know anything about cats, you have to feed them or they die. And I go to feed the cats and I go to reach for the cat food. And I go, ah, shit. I'm out of cats. cat food. I go, well, that's

fine. Simple solution of that. I'll just go to the store to buy cat food. And then I go, the dollar store. Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. My problem is needing to buy something normal on Black Friday. It's the worst feeling

in the world where you're like, I just I need a completely normal item. I'm not here to fight over a TV or some stupid whatever the fuck. I'm not here to get a bargain basement price on the new iPhone, iPod, I jammer. I just need cat food.

And I was like, should I drive? I didn't go because I've done this before. Right now the cats, you're getting dry food tonight. Maybe I'll go to the grocery store or something. Tonight, you haven't figured a cat yet? I give them dry food. They're having a deal with dry food. They're not happy about it.

They want the wet. They want the sticky. And they're having a deal with little. crunchy bits, which they don't like nearly as much. All right. Okay. Because I've had this experience before. It's Black Friday.

You realize, oh, my God, I don't have any, I don't have what I need. I don't have trash bags. I don't have toilet paper, just normal household items. So now you have to make the decision of, well, is there a workaround here? Or am I going to have to bite the bullet and go to the store? Again, everybody was going to. I'm gonna, at some point I'm gonna try going to the grocery store

which I think we'll even still... Wait, you didn't go? Not yet. I'm gonna. I'm gonna. They're not having Black Friday deals at Ralph's. Well, yeah, but then I gotta pay extra for the cat food because the cat food costs more at the grocery store.

Where do you go to Best Buy to get cat food? I get it at the Target. The Target has a good price on the cat food. Oh, fad. So you're going to the mecca of women on Black Friday to save like 30 cents? Well, I'm not gonna go.

because I know what's going to happen. If I try to go, it's going to fucking suck. I'm in a fucking limbo where I can't go to the... If I go to the stores, I'm going to have a bad time. I just want to go to the store to get normal shit. It's over. Black Friday's over. No, it's not over.

It's going all fucking weekend. Oh, that's nobody's going. Seven o'clock. Even worse. Even worse. Now I'm remembering is like, I ordered something. It was like came broken. And they're like, oh my God, how am I going to return this?

There's a line of 8,000 fucking people in the return. because they're all fucking real. I bought this last week and it's on sale this week. Now I got to get the discount. Do, do, do. Now I got to wait. Well, I can't wait to get cat food. At some point, I got to get cat food.

I guess I'm going to have to go to the grocery store, hopefully. This morning. You should have got it earlier than right now. Well, I was busy. There's not a Black Friday deals at PetSmart. Yes, there is Black Friday at PetSmart. What are they selling at PetSmart? That's Black Friday.

First of all, already has terrible lines for some, because they only have. ever have one checkout. Anytime I go to PetSmart, the line is already like 30 minutes long. No. It's not 30 minutes long. It is absolutely at the PetSmart. All the pet people. You are not lining up at PetSmart for 30 minutes. I've been a PetSmart. It's like a fucking Soviet red line. I swear to God, they never opened a second register. The lady at the front has no idea what she's doing. Everybody's got a different question about whether or not their dogs to take these heartworm fucking pills without dying and keeling over. All right? No, I don't go to the Petsmart.

And then I considered ordering, like, ordering a delivery. And then I'm like, oh, that's kind of a shitty thing to do to a guy. I'm going to send a guy to Target on Black Friday to run around. That's, I'm not going to do that. Why? That's, I felt like cruelty to do that. You cheaped out. You cheaped out on your cat's food.

Then I'd have to tip him good. Then I'd have to tip him extra. Right. Okay. You cheaped out on your cat's door dash, but not you. The cats can go one day without the wet food. But again, it's going to be a max. Bad house tomorrow anyway.

No matter what I'm going to get fucked. I'll open a can of tuna. They can have some tuna tonight, I guess. Just go to the store. I might go to the store, but it's going to be nuts. It's going to be nuts. That's what I was doing on Thanksgiving Day. Like, oh, God, I got to go to the store and get some ingredients and it's totally empty.

Nobody's there. Well, I had a buddy today, and he's like, hey, you want to go do some Black Friday shopping? And I went. A man? text you back. Yeah, yeah, and I text you back why. And he went, you're right. Like, at this point

Black Friday is, anyone who goes out to Black Friday now, I consider you insane. Like, what, what are you doing? What are you expecting to get? Where is this happening? I don't, I don't believe that Black Friday's as insane as it is, as it was anymore. Well, no, I'm saying it's insane

because why are you there? What are you hoping to get? What is the great bargain? anything you want to get from Black Friday is just fucking online now. Just go online and buy it. It'll be here in two days. Yeah, I think everyone does that. There's no point. There's no there's no more Black Friday. There's no more door busting.

No more busting down the door. Everyone got their big TV. Yeah, I ordered it. Dude, the Black Friday starts two or three days in advance. I was online. They're like, hey, it's Black Friday on Wednesday. All these Nintendo games are on sale. By the way, all the Nintendo games are on sale. You should pick up a couple of great. You got Princess Pete

Showtime on sale. They got the Zelda where you play as Zelda. Can you believe it? Man. And what do I get to do as Zelda? You run around and do Zelda stuff. You're a girl. You got some kind of move. Yeah. Yeah. I go that. I do that. Run around like that.

She probably, I imagine she says, yeah, I haven't played yet, but I got it. And I'll play it at some point. When are you going to quit the games and do adult things? I don't play that many. Well, I don't play that many games, honestly. You just buy them? I've been, uh, I play it. Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

I play them while I work out on my exercise bike. Uh, so I've been, uh, really don't play them. Every, uh, every time I get on the exercise bike, play a little Dark Souls, little Spider-Man. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it set up in front of the TV. So I'll just pedal for an hour and play Dark Souls. How fast are you going?

I don't know, you just pedal. It doesn't tell you how fast. I don't plug in the screen or whatever because you got to put, do you break up? Do you break a sweat? Fucking batteries in it. Yeah, I break a sweat. Like a little bit? No, I get, yeah, I get a sweat going.

And you're playing Dark Souls while you're pedaling a stationary bicycle. I'm pedaling a stationary bicycle and I'm playing Dark Souls. It's a great way to work out. I don't know if, I don't know if I believe that. I'm trying to do it. What do you mean? It's second nature to just pedal. You just pedal.

No, no. It's not like, you don't just check out. You shouldn't play. Dark Souls. The best game to play while you work out is like Spider-Man or Batman or something where you basically just plus the same button over and over. A bunch of guys show up and you just punch them and then you keep going. And then you go to a different part of the city and then you find Sandman's crystal and you find another one of the fucking Sandman's crystals. It's like, yeah, not a lot's going on. Dark Souls is a bad workout game. Do you slow down when hard stuff's

happening on the bicycle? Like, do you stop pedaling as much? If I get into like a really incredible like boss battle that's kicking my ass, I will have to like pause. but that's rare. That's rare that that happens. So they just peddling away. It's really demanding my attention. Playing fucking Spider-Man too. I don't know why you're pretending this.

So a lot of guys workout will play in video games. It makes perfect sense. No, I don't think they do. They're not getting a good workout then. It's, it's cardio. You got to be going hard. You got to be like sweating. When you go to the gym?

What's above every fucking treadmill in the gym? A TV. Okay. So what's the difference? This one, it's a TV control with a button. TV's just like you're consuming it passively. A video game, you're actively participating in like thinking. Bro, those Spider-Man games basically play of themselves.

There's a dot on the map. If I go to the dot, I'm going to find Peter Parker's fucking backpack. Or take a picture of a fucking, I don't know, statue. There's Spider-Man games. There's nothing going on. You can completely turn your brain off. You're just peddling like this. Playing video games.

games. Yes. That sounds so horrible. It's completely normal. It doesn't know it's not normal at all. It's only an hour of fucking... It doesn't sound like a good workout. It just doesn't.

Well, it's not going to be that much more intensive without the Spider-Man. It just keeps your mind off the fucking workout. But I think if your mind is off to workout, then you're not working out. I think any amount of cardio is good for people who have a sedentary lifestyle. if it makes it easier to work out, why not do it? At some point, you're like playing the game and pedaling the bike?

Are your arms resting on anything? You know, no, there are my hands are up that's here. I'm holding the controller in front of me. I don't know. No. Oh, man. I don't have to, like, pedal. I don't have to, like, pedal with my hands.

I got to do some research into what you're talking about. I think you're nuts. It's just a stationary bicycle. You pedal and you play a video game. Okay, okay. All right. All right. So my problem is trying to buy something normal on Black Friday.

Yeah. I think maybe that's just like when we're really old, we're going to have that phobia and kids are going to be like, what are you talking about? There's nobody in Flagfly. That's not a real thing anymore. Well, I don't know if we'll have retail stores at that point. Okay, my problem is crappy salsa. Crappy salsa.

Biggest problem in the universe. Do you remember? I don't remember the last time I've had good salsa. That's how bad it is. Do you? Well, I'm confused these days as to what qualifies as a salsa. Because sometimes I'll get us a... Great point. Great point. Sometimes I get just, like, chopped up vegetables. And I go, well, this is like a pico de gallo.

This is not a salsa. There's nothing clinging to the chip. It's see-through. What is this? It's not a salsa. Yeah. It should be a sauce of sorts. We threw some salsa in the bag All right, great, I get it home. This is the normal sauce that goes with the burrito That they're trying to pass off as salsa

There's no difference Yeah, yeah I had some salsa Salsa should be exciting I think it should. It should have a texture It should have a good mouth feel It shouldn't be watery or runny

It should feel like kind of a porridge almost Like it should feel like it clumps There should be some thickness to it There you go. This is not just water. Watery. Problem number one.

Watery. Totally undippable. I haven't had a good salsa, and I don't remember when. I stopped exciting salsa. I stopped expecting them to be even good. I had somebody brought a salsa to our Thanksgiving dinner, and I saw it come out, and I'm like, I knew right away.

I'm like, it's horrible. I hate that salsa already. So somebody made a salsa? Or did they buy a salsa? They bought it at the store. And I knew it. it already. It's going to be bad. I can tell. I know the color. I know that color of salsa, and I fucking hate it, and I see it all the time now. And it's new. I didn't always used to see it,

but now I see it everywhere. I don't know if they figured out a way to make salsa cheaper or something, but there it is. Get it ruined. All the chip eating is ruined today. The store bought, it's, I mean, I wish I could say I have a reliable salsa brand, but I don't. No, they're all, they're terrible. And all the restaurants now. Terrible. They're serving terrible salsa now, every restaurant, and they're serving it in little miniature salsa ramekins that will break the chip when you put it in. Yeah. It's fucking bullshit.

I feel like, uh, I think there's been a race to the bottom for sauce quality in this country. I think, uh, yeah, sauce quality. Sources were once exciting and new and fun and people were trying, and now it's just kind of like. Now it's just Chipoba. Everything. That's just Chipotle. Which sucks. Chipotle sucks.

We're losing. Why is all, here's, I mean, this is a semi-related problem. Every store bought guacamole is terrible. Agreed. Yeah. I don't know. They shouldn't even call it guacamole. You get it.

You're all excited. You're like, oh, my God, guacamole. It's like water. It's nothing. There's nothing. It tastes like, it's fucking bizarre. And then you look, I think a lot of it is that guacamole obviously doesn't keep very long.

You know, well, that's fine. Just make it every fucking day and sell it. People, if you made fresh guac, fresh salsa, it would sell quickly. But they go, no, we wanted to be shelf stale. And they fill it full of xanthin gum. And then you're just getting a mouth full of xanthin gum every time. I'm the, there's the Mexican stores that used to be like the go-to for salsa. Yeah, yeah.

Have been now that there's so many Mexicans here, they've become like authentic Mexican. stores and the salsa sucks. Everything like authentic, actual Mexican food is like too wet, is too watery, has a weird aftertaste into it. It's all just bad.

And that's where we're stuck in. It's also got to the point where I go especially with like the green salsas or whatever. Or like there'll be guys who go, this is like a guacamole salsa and I go, or not guacamole, avocado salsa. Right. And I go, I don't think there's any avocado in

here. I think maybe you put just enough to turn it green. This doesn't taste like fucking avocado. You're fucking with me. And now I'm thinking about avocado. So you've fucked me twice. Avocado is great, but there's no avocado here. No. I know.

I'm giving up. It's like salsa is just a thing that we had in the 90s, just like the Free Santa. And it doesn't exist anymore. We have these various soups and water vegetable mixtures. But none of it tastes good with a chip. It all tastes

bad. Nobody wants it. And I haven't had in a while. I always liked the Chili's salsa. It was just right. Chili's the restaurant? Yeah, Chili's. I don't know what their salsa was like. It was like, it had like, it was like a little bit chunky. Not like,

it had like the little tiny chunkers. Yeah, I wanted to look like, but it was smooth. Yeah, I wanted to look like a red cherry icy coming out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's how you know it's good. Yeah, that's what you want. What I get is a salsa, oh, I can see the onions in it.

I can see little green leaves and stuff in it. I know this salsa is going to suck. Well, the stuff you get to the grocery store now, again, I go, you know what I get it? But then I put it in like an omlin. I go, well, that's not salsa. That's just chopped up tomatoes and onions, which I like, but it's not salsa. It's not salsa, though. Yeah.

Yeah, I go, oh, cool. I guess they don't want to. sell you, I guess it would be, it's hard to market container full of chopped up tomatoes and onions, so they call it salsa. I don't know what they're doing. They forgot how to make it. I don't know what

they're selling. I don't know where they got this idea that this is saucer that anybody wants this. It tastes like crap. The aftertaste sucks. It feels bad eating it, and it's also too watery to put on a chip. It fucking sucks. And they got big, amazing chips now.

Best chips have ever had, but the salsa fucking sucks. Chips have gotten good. We're getting better tortilla chips than ever before. But nothing to put on them. Ain't that? You ever get the, it's the, it's the guy who gets a hairbrush. You get a hairbrush for your girlfriend. Have she cut off her hair to buy you? Cut off her hair. A fucking key for your motorcycle, which you sold to buy the hairbrush or whatever the fuck that parable is. It's burning. We got the great, we got the great ships. but no salsa.

All right. That's my problem. What's your last problem? Classic scenario. Classic scenario. Yeah. All right. Here's my problem, Dick. It's a little thing I like to call

pathological altruism. A concept from psychology, behavioral economics, and evolutionary biology describing cases where acts of compassion, empathy, or moral concern unintentionally produce harm either to others or societies

or the altruist themselves. Right. Now, Dick, I have a news article here Everything women do, basically. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this news article, I'm sure, was concerning to a lot of people.

This is from October 3rd, 2024. This is about a year ago. Yeah. This is from the public broadcast, PBS, public broadcasting system here. All right. Researchers find alarming rise in autism diagnosis among Somali American children. Yeah, because they're faking it. Now this, shut the fuck up.

Everyone knows this. Everyone knows this. Can you give me, can you let me do the bit? All right. Okay. From a year ago, diagnosis of autism have risen sharply in recent years. And what's non-disputed is that there is an acute public crisis alarming among Somali Americans in particular. Which have levels of autism not found in the general population.

And out of Minnesota, they went and they visited and they said, oh, my God, this is crazy. All these Somali children have autism. We can't believe it. Maybe it's something genetic among the fucking, all right, among the fucking Somalis. We don't know what's going on. Yeah, it's genetic all right. We need to research why every Somali child in Minnesota has autism. Surely we have to help these poor people who are suffering from autism.

And it was a lot of liberals writing these articles. Literally, I've never seen these articles. Dozens sparkles going, it's alarming what's happening to the children of Somali, America, and Minnesota. And at no point did anyone say, well, maybe they're scamming the shit out of the government. Anybody can consider that. News report has now uncovered the fact that basically a bunch of Somalis in Minnesota said, hold on in one second. if we say this kid has autism, the government just gives them like tens of thousands of dollars.

And they started going to everybody in the Somalia commute. Yeah, and the doctor. Yeah, and the doctor. So the doctor was going to families and going, hey, listen, I'll give you 200 bucks a month if you let me diagnose your kid with autism. So they were getting kickbacks from the fucking government. They were getting all the money from the government, giving a little bit to the autistic kids family and pocketing the rest. And the whole time, all these well-minating Minnesota liberals are going, gosh, it's just so awful that all these Somali kids have odds. Isn't that terrible what's going on?

Funny as part of all this is the fact that millions of dollars may have been funneled to Somalia-based terror group. All Shabab. So liberal guilt has helped kill and cut the hands off children and murder them in the street. Yeah, funding terrorism, which is our favorite. fucking thing. Good job, guys. This is just hilarious. Literally, just Google, you know, rates of autism.

And they will never even answer. They'll never, no one will ever bust their balls on this one. Liberals. So like, oh, so you guys are, so we were right. Like all the smallies were just scamming everything. They're like, well, oh, you know, it seems to be, seems to be the case. They're always wiggling and worming their way out of it. It's, uh, it's the classic problem.

Look, this has been the liberal problem for the longest time. It's like an inability to understand that if a system is put into place that can be taken advantage of, someone's going to take advantage of it. Yeah, they're all lying. They're all lying. They're lying about being refugees. They're lying about being afraid of going back home. They're lying about being hungry. They're lying about having autism.

They're fucking all lying. They're all lying. They're lying about being poor. Everything's a lie. I loved when we watched. that video of that big fat black lady going, you know, some days I don't even eat. And you're like, you're lying. You're lying. Obviously you're lying. There's no way. That's like Vito saying that he works out. We'll play video games. He's lying, you fucking idiot. What is wrong with you?

Look, as a liberal, I understand the liberal mindset of you want to think good of everyone, especially these magical brown people. Especially these beautiful browns. Mostly brown people. Oh, these beautiful browns. They're so much better than our browns. They're a magical Somalian brown.

Oh, it makes me, it tickles me with their accent. They would never do anything wrong. It's not possible. They would see our black people committing crimes and go, oh, I'm so scared of those guys. Go, go. Oh, no. And then at any point, anyone could have went, well, hold on a second. Why is it, okay, I'm willing to venture that maybe there's some sort of genetic component of Somalis that gives them all autism.

But why do they all live in fucking Minnesota? That doesn't make sense. There's Somalis everywhere. What is there something in the Minnesota water that a Somalian drinks in? All of a sudden he gets retarded, only Somalians? Something's not adding up. But instead, you got articles from PBS and all these. Investigate the link here.

We need to investigate what's going on with these Somalis. they all get in autism and never thinking, well, maybe chief medical officer, Doomduck, Wap, Pound, Pow is just fucking fudging the numbers to make a couple million dollars. He's running a fucking doctor's clinic out of a strip mall that says, like, healthy, healthy autistic kids.com slash org or whatever, and you go in, he's just in there counting money. He goes, oh, you got the autism, we take a look at the kid, we take the opportunity. The president doesn't even know what it is. No, not at all.

He's probably not a doctor. He probably came over here with fake paperwork and he said, well, why would they lie? They're such nice people. Of course he's a doctor. He probably is the only one with autism. That guy. And the worst part of this is like,

you know that there's people within the system who met these guys who, you know, they went, oh, thank you so much we held up the kids with the autism. They're like, well, you know, we just want to make sure your kids are healthy and happy. And, you know, we just want to take care. And they're never going to take a moment to go, I'm retarded.

I'm dumb. Yeah, I'm the one who was wrong. Yeah. I'm racist. I'm racist for thinking that all these Somalians have autism. Because they're just stupid. I'm the racist one. Oh, they can't be stupid.

They must have autism. The worst part is I bet they didn't even have to tell the kids Zach retarded in front of the white people. No. No, they didn't even have to try and be retarded. It would be one thing if it was like a, what do you call it? a week in a Bernie's type situation. Yeah, where they had to fake it. Yeah, you got to fake it.

Yeah, that'd be funny. That'd be funny. Anytime the white lady shows up, you've got to go, duh, and like really stare at that light fixture. Yeah, she drops a train out of her bag. Any time a white lady. Look at the train. Look at the train.

Look at the train. Look at the train screen. Anytime a white lady walks in here, everybody look at that fucking light fixture and do not look away until she leaves. But they didn't even do that. So this is just another great tragedy. And it's hilarious because... And nothing will set them back either.

If you could go in and say like, yeah, there's scammers. I knew because they're Somalia. And they'll be, whoa, whoa, whoa. How can you say something? So that's bigoted. That's raised. She's like, yeah, they are. Bro.

It just happened to you. The crazy part is this was... And all the money was coming from a program that was designed to help veterans in the elderly find housing that somehow got expanded. out to and making sure autistic kids get money. Yeah. And the program originally when it was came up with, they're like, that'll be like two to four million dollars a year.

And taxpayers said, well, I don't know. I guess if you're helping veterans find a housing. Sure. That's not the worst. Yeah. It ended up costing like $250 million a year from what was supposed to be a four million year program because the number of claims coming in from Somalians. They're like, well, we can't say no.

I mean, the kids got autism. Who do this many kids had autism? Yeah. I mean, it's a, it's a, it's a, We can't let Minnesota be overrun with autism. We got to do something about it. What do we do about these people? How do we stop them? How do we

throw money at them? Throw money at them. These liberals. Like how do we... Oh, well, there's nothing you can do about that. They're everywhere. We got to do something about it. George Soros is paying them to be everywhere. There's nothing you can do. Because we can get rid of the Somalians, but the stupid liberals still going to be there trying to

give money away. Trump is currently posting about this. This is, I believe, from today. About the seriously retarded? He's talking about the Somalians. Yeah, this is from yesterday. Okay. Trump said a very happy Thanksgiving salutation

to all our great American citizens and patrons, patriots who have been so nice in allowing our country to be divided, disruptive, carved up, murdered, beaten, mugged, and laughed at just for wanting to be politically correct. He says, as an example, hundreds of thousands of refugees from Somalia are currently taking over the once great state of Minnesota. Somalian gangs are roving the streets looking for prey as our wonderful people stay locked in their apartments and houses.

It's true. Seriously, and here's the best part. Did you see what he said about Tim Walls? The seriously retarded governor of Minnesota, Tim Walls does nothing. And Elon Omar. Wait, did you know that his son isn't even retarded? Who? Tim Walz?

Yeah. No, I didn't know that. His son is totally normal. Was he supposed to be like... Did you see him clapping at the thing? He's like, ugh. And everyone made fun of him. And then they said,

how dare you make fun of a retarded kid? He's not retarded. Well, not at all. Not at all. No, go look up an interview with him. He's not retarded at all. I don't think he's retired. I don't know if that was what was used.

But everyone was calling him retarded. He was fun of them. He was happy for his dad. He was a happy kid. Like a retarded kid would be happy about. but for his dad. He was overcome with emotion. Retarded emotions.

I'm not going to attack that kid. Why? He doesn't watch this fucking show. He doesn't care. You're right. He's terrible. I don't know. Anyway,

he said... What do you mean he's terrible? I'm just saying he looked like a retarded person. He really loves his dad. I can't fault him for that. He's a passionate kid. He's very... He was excited.

Are you understanding that he looked retarded? Everyone says he's retarded, but he's not retarded? I understand. You understand that he's not retarded, right? I'm just saying I never thought he was retarded. That was never a thing that crossed my mind. Everyone got attacked for making fun of him because they're saying, how dare you make fun of a retarded kid?

Well, I didn't say that. If people were saying that, they were incorrect. People were incorrect to say that. But he's not retarded. Neither are the Somalians, apparently. They are a little bit retarded. It was not, it was a good scam. They came up with a good scam.

they prayed on the the kindness of the white intellectual machine that for some reason goes hey did you know every Somalian kid needs a million dollars

and they said well you gotta give it to them how can we possibly how can we possibly not they're just the worst man they're the worst it's really bizarre and they get dumber

the boomers were bad enough but the new ones the new liberals like Cassan and those guys are just so fucking stupid. They're worse. The problem we're running into is it's like

liberals will not accept hard truths. I'm not going to call it racism, but really... There you go. Let's say race realism. No, not that. It gives a shit. All right.

It's just you got to accept, look, these people were not raised in America. They were not raised. That's not the problem. That's not the problem. You can instill certain values in people. Black people have been here for 400 years. How good is the value instilling going on?

They got sidetracked. There was a period of time where blacks were doing great, and then they got really pissy. Japanese people fresh off the boat. Oh, wow, you fit right in. How about that? I can just leave my bike here. Cool.

That's different. The Asians are different. They're different class of people. Okay, you're saying, go ahead. Do your liberal explanation. I don't know what I'm saying. I guess I'm just saying that... You're saying they weren't in the country for long enough or something like that.

I don't know what I want to say. All I want to say is you got to accept that there's going to be people who take advantage of the system. Okay? And liberals, you got to stop assuming. You got to accept it in a racist way. Well, I don't know where. Like, liberals really did subscribe to this idea that no minority ever did anything wrong. It was just white people lying about it.

Yeah. because it was because you know we're evil or whatever and you're like no like a lot of them are doing something wrong shitty stuff shitty stuff happened to these white guys they went hey that that Somali did a shitty thing to me and it's they didn't say that because they were just making it up because they fucking hate Somalians for no reason like the Somaliian guy probably did a shitty thing to them I saw Black Hawk down I know what they did uh did you ever see I saw this recently uh like you know with the Indians you go the Indians never did anything wrong you ever see a Olivia Oatman.

No, is that a real person? I went, nobody ever talked about this in school because it probably would have pissed them off. It would have pissed people off. Is that, you know, you talk about, hey, and again, I like Native Americans. I like the idea of Native Americans, but you can't be like, oh, they were the most fucking peaceful people in the world. Occasionally, they would just kidnap a white lady and tattoo shit all over her face. Here, look at this.

I don't know. I don't want to look at this. No. I don't want to look at this. No. I don't want to look at this rape victim? What the fuck? Why would I want to see that?

Well, I'm just saying it's like a part of American history that when you're in school and they talk about the noble fucking tribes of this land. So what are you saying? Are you saying that we have to watch out for Native Americans? We got to keep an eye on everybody. There you go. There you fucking go. Right there.

Right there, that's your problem. Right there, that's your guys' problem. Right there. You do it every fucking time. There's, I'm the way, there's a, you can be fucking run out of the ground by white guys. I've had white guys do shit to me. There you go. There, here we go.

I've had plenty of white people do me wrong. White guys are bad too. White guys are bad too, everyone. I'm good. Don't call me racist. I've had plenty of white people do me wrong. Absolutely fucking sickening. Absolutely sickening.

It's not sickening. It is. There's something wrong with your guys's heads and or balls. The more important thing is to stop giving a pass to certain groups. You got to keep your eye on everybody. No, you don't. You don't have to keep an eye on everybody. You have to keep a closer eye on some groups.

You can keep more of an eye on some groups. Okay, there you go. There you go. There you go. You still can't take your eye on. And you're not thinking about white people when you say that, are you? You got to keep your eye on some white people, okay? You fucking pussy.

I'm not pushing out. You can't. I'm not giving a blanket pass. the white man. I've had plenty of white guys fuck with me. I've had plenty of white guys fuck up things. Right, right, right. I had a white guy steal shit for me.

It's the worst. White guys steal. Sure. They just do it. White guys steal, they just do it in different ways than other groups might do it. They're more clever and sneaky about it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Damn white people? Yeah, no, I know. Oh, shut up. You have to tell me about how bad the white man is. That is this show. My problem, Dick, again, is pathological. Altruism.

Knock it off. Some other examples of pathological altruism might be parents who give money, shelter, and protection to addicts. Or people who hoard animals believing they are caring for the animals when actually causing them to suffer. This is a thing where you think you're doing good, but you're not really thinking hard enough about it. Okay, that's the show. Pathological altruism, paywall Santa's. trying to buy normal shit on Black Friday. Normal shit on Black Friday.

All right. Guys, don't forget our new bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in Thanksgiving is available at patreon.com slash biggest problem and vote on all the problems at biggest problem. Keep your eyes out for Whitey. Whitey's going to come steal your stuff in different sorts of ways, right? Vito.

Well, you know, who's not going to steal your stuff is your good friend Vito, who's all set up for his Black Friday sales tacular at whatnot.com. slash invite slash veto we're going to be selling we got avatar collector packs we got all the new 30th anniversary magic singles the ursus saga is up for grabs so come on by after the show packs again can you show those packs again yeah sure what do you want what is it how come some are drawn because these are the new 30th anniversary singles where uh what do you call it You get one for every letter of the alphabet. So this is K.

K has Kark Clan Ironworks. Yeah, but you, did you draw that? I drew that, yeah. Just so you know which one's in it. So when you're watching the stream, you know which card is which. Why don't you print something nice? Because we're going to rip this open when you win it to see if you got the foil or not. Wait, you have your own custom packs?

No, no, no, no, no. They come like this and then I drew on it after it came like this. Normally it didn't go through the plastic onto the car. Because I've done it before and it didn't do that. I wouldn't buy some kind of card that might have Sharpie all over it. Well, the front card is the letter card. So if there's ink on it, the ink is on the letter, not the card itself. That's the K card in front.

It didn't bleed through the K. I don't know about that. Come on by whatnot.com slash user slash veto. How many people do you think you're going to be there? Five, probably. We had two or three last time. Two or three and you're doing after?

I think I got shadow banned on whatnot. Why? Selling bootleg packs like that? No, because I applied to their their last sales tacular sales event or whatever. Yeah.

And then I didn't actually go live because I fucking forgot about it. They'll ban you for that. I think they got mad and now they devalued me. So come on by. We're going to sell some magic cards. Okay, this is Super Chats, or Methylvania for 10.

I must say Superkiller was a good scam. You cried on camera, got $100,000 and then made us wait four years for a printed copy that you will charge $20 shipping for. We deserve to lose money for supporting you. FU. He says, probably for fuck you. Probably. Probably. That would make sense.

I agree with that. NGR lover for LVR for five. I have it on good authority that Vito. eight the physical coffees of Superkiller. Expect up to 72 months delay. Wow. That's no fun. Four by four plus for two. Great appearance on WATP, Vito.

Were you on at WATP? I don't know that they do like a clip of me or something that I missed. I guess we got to go find out. Four by four plus for two. Vito looks like a fat Ricky Berwick today. Oh. That's cool. Trio Doug for five.

So sick of this show, dedicating an hour to magic every episode. Yeah, I've been hearing that from a lot of people, Trudeau. You're not alone. Strategier for two, that's a mean super chat. Try resleeving it. El Gunial for two. Vito, how was your Thanksgiving? Did you enjoy crim?

Did I enjoy crim? Yeah, did you enjoy crim? I guess so. Psychonautical for five. Accessible bits. Yeah, I always described cards against humanity as gutter guards for normies. Happy holidays. Efslers. Go fuck yourself.

I agree. Knucking futs for five. The biggest problem is poorly designed pockets. You ever get sick of losing important things because of the pockets on your clothes? Get back into sewing. Johnny Rico for two. Vito told the art Reddit story so poorly. I don't think there's a lot in the story.

So, so surgery for two. Imagine paying $60 for Santa to Chuck Dix in my ass. Fucking bullshit. LJ. Clappino for two. Weigh yourself recently. Vito, what are we at?

Trophy Pig. 220. Stratory for five at Comic-Con. I was about to take a pick. Your bra. With Brutus the Barber beefcake. I said no. I then said no when I saw it was $50,

and he was Brutus the Barber. Beefcake. That's a good reason. Cypherson Suckus for two says, I'm glad my friend Vito's having a good time. Johnny Rico for two. Vito live stream you gaming and biking. Yeah, live stream that.

It's a good idea. But I only go for an hour, so it'd be a short stream. Ditchmellon, aficionado for two. Good salsa has TBF. monkey. Two for I-come buckets. What's up guys?

Show still suck, question mark? Beach Hook for five. Fun fact. Someone on Zitter found some food stamp Somali fraud news article all the way back from 2002. Yeah, shocker. That's why their country sucks. Just look at where they come from. Oh, that place sucks.

Why? So I'm a bunch of fucking con artists. Because if they can't make a society, they're not going to fit into a society. That's the, that's the only. that you need. Wow, is the place they come from better than it is here? No. Well, then don't let him come. Who gives a fuck what happens to him? To explain

to a guy that he's like, man, the right, I mean, they're so wicked. Like, the way they pretend that Ilhan Omar married her brother and I go oh, no, that's true. It's real. Yeah. He went, wait, really? And I'm like,

yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty much like undeniable. Don't worry, you can still jack off to her. It's okay. Is that what they're doing? Is that what's happening? That's what, I don't know. I don't know what liberal guys are doing ever.

Well, we're biking and playing Dark Souls, which is a lot of fun. You should play Darks? You don't have playing video games. Who cares? You haven't any entertainment, any fun in your life? You watched, well, you watched Hasbin Hotel. That was fun. The first season was, and the second season took it all away.

So I'm at zero fun. Second season is not as good. It's not as good. What was even the point of it? What was the point of the whole season? Well, the first, They could shoot at heaven now? That's like a, that's possible.

That's fucking dumb. Well, the first season is stopping heaven from destroying hell. And now it's, we're going to take over heaven. Yeah, how? The demon uprising. Why would they even want to take over heaven? There's no one in heaven. That's what makes it so great.

They just want to kill them? I think it's, Hell has an overpopulation problem is part of the plot and they're like so we'll take over heaven we'll have more space I think is the They don't seem to have a problem That hotel's always empty

Yeah Well how can you shoot at heaven? It doesn't make any sense I don't know man I didn't I wasn't paying I just listen to the music They got a big gun And the music's not as good

And a fucking Adam's kid I don't think he's a good singer I didn't like his songs Who's Adams? Oh that fable All the able shit sucked. Yeah.

Well, what are you going to do? Vito's cat for five? Vito, why'd you call in a Frogtony show asking about mint salad? Just trying to keep up on what's going on. User for five says, still better than PKA. And Ogglovich for two says, I am Tim Walts' son, and I am 100% severely Somalian. He's not retarded. Not at all.

Not retarded at all. And if I was on WATP, please let me know where, because I don't know what I did that was funny enough to be on WATP. Okay. But I'm glad Carl is still hitting on the classics. Nailing it. Still nailing it. All right.

Goodbye, everyone. Thank you. Have a happy Thanksgiving. Come on by whatnot.com slash user slash Vito. We're trying to beat the five record. The record of five. Go to Vito stream and use the N-word to try to get it removed. You got to do it consistently or else they bury you in the algorithm.

I don't do it consistently enough. Five viewers is not buried in the algorithm. That's buried in the fucking real life. Well, a big, you know, a big stream on there. is like 25 guys. It's not like a big fucking, like a huge community on there. No, no, no, no. 25 is like your typical stream on there unless you're like one of the huge sellers. There's no way that's true.

Dude, go to the whatnot.orgnot.com slash tag slash magic underscore cards. I can't. I'm not logged in. It logged me out. Perp. Perp only has 45 people right now. Okay, Valued town's got 63. What is this? Like a loser app? 50 people? Because most... Yeah, well, because you're selling. You're selling stuff.

It's not to, like, just hang out on a watch. It's people who want to buy stuff. It's like, how many people do you get... I watch TVC. It's awesome. Well, yeah, some of the, like, huge, weird shopping guys might have... Like, if you go to the fucking... I was watching guys sell those Joker cards.

They're still selling those fucking Joker cards. I thought they were done with it. No, they're not. They're fucking stupid. Okay. Here, what's the most popular sports category? Look up Dilberts. Punch...

See, if there's... any Dilbert cards. I'll see how much Dilbert is going. Look if there's Dilbert. They're having their big Friday super spectacular. Viewers high to low. This is the sports category. Tagged by, tagged with Dilbert. Look up tagged by Dilbert.

Okay. Here's a classic Dilbert stream real quick. Well, you can see how many people are watching. How many people are watching Dilbert? debut sports. Here it is. I don't, just tell me how many people are watching. 1,200. That's a,

That's it way more than you said. That's the sports category. I don't sell sports cards. Magic cards are not as popular sports cards. So you're selling the most unpopular thing on purpose? Yes. If I was selling Pokemon cards, I'd be doing way better. The Pokemon card guys.

Why are you doing it then? Why are you selling these drumming cards? Because I don't care about Pokemon cards because I'm selling stuff I like. The top magic. You're only have five people watching. The top. The top magic stream is 190 people.

That's the absolute top one. Okay? Why don't you sell like Yu-Gio cards or something that's even less? Because I don't know anything about Yu-Gi-o. I know magic, so I sell magic. Why don't you just go on like a talking about magic street? Because you don't need a bunch of people.

I had like five people watching last night. I still made 300 bucks selling fucking magicers. You need one or two guys buying the shit. People spend 300 bucks watching your, watching that fucking ball of, like handmade cards packs? Yes. Yeah, they like it. It's fun.

What's fun about that? Oh, it's a mystery. It's a mystery wheel or whatever the fuck. Did you get their name? I mean, I got their username. I got their packages ready to ship out. I got to print the printing labels or the shipping labels. And then they get him at home. They're like, I can't believe I bought this on

veto's fucking whatnot. A fan of the show came by and he won the end card and he had me sign the end for him. It was fun. The N? He got the N out of the alphabet game. Oh, man. He got the big red end.

You guys are doing some weird stuff. Come on by, we're going to have a lot of fun. And it's fun. It's fun. All right. Go have fun. If you guys want any video games, I'll sell some video games too. If you want Fear Factor on the Game Boy Advance.

Okay. Factory sealed. You can hang out with Joe Rogan and conquer 12 spine-tingling stunts. against a colorful cast of characters. Oh, man. Now, this is a rarity. The fear factor. I'm gonna burn all that stuff down, man.

Just burn it. I'm selling it. I'm selling it. Why do you have that? Because I bought it, because it's cool. Why? Well, because it's Fear Factor on the Game Boy Advance. It's from 2001.

Controlled the Fear Meter. You've been fucking hauling that thing around for 24 years? No, no, no. I've been holding. I got this. recently. I'm not going to sell this. I'm keeping this one. Why? This is my copy of

Fear Factor Unleashed. Why? Because I like the Game Boy Advance. My big Game Boy Advance proponent. Are you going to open it up? No, I'll keep this one sealed, but then I'll always know I got it. Then I know I got it. You know,

then I know I got it. Oh, man. Can you collect cool stuff? Why do you have to collect like garbage? Look at this beautiful European copy. of Mega Man Battle Network 2. Why don't you collect like a really expensive something that's good? Why do you have like just a bunch of trash? You mean like magic cards?

But a good one. Not like $30 here and there. I showed you a badlands. A badlands is like 300 bucks. Nah, you need like 10 grand. $50,000. That's what you need. Well, as I'm going to sell off stuff I don't need.

And I'm going to eventually, I'm going to trade up, eventually get some mocks and stuff. You know, more than I got to get a mox. Yeah, you got to say, I got to. work my way up the ladder. I got a sliver queen. I got a sliver queen. That's not bad. You don't have a sliver queen. You wish you had a sliver queen. That's like 200 bucks, 100 bucks. What's that? 200 bucks. Why don't you trade all that shit in for one good thing? Maybe I will. You just got like you got a big stack of like gum and jacks and yo-yo's and shit. You got to save all your tickets up for something good. I like all that I like getting a bunch of

little stuff. I like a bunch of little guys. factor on the Game Boy, that sucks. Well, it's at the point where I have most of the heavy hitter Game Boy games, so I'm getting some of the lesser known titles. And again, if it's like $18 for a copy of Fear Factor, I go, that's kind of cool. That's a cool little piece to have. A piece. A piece of shit.

It's a talking, it's a discussion point. How is it a discussion point? It's buried in it. Somebody comes over. They go, I bet you don't have Fear Factor on the Game Boy Advance. I go, actually, I have a sealed copy. be a fear factor for the Game Boy advance. I wish a Gremlin would come in

and take all that stuff out of the rapper and just mess it up. No, no, no, no, no, you can't do that. Look what I got here. I got, this is great. We'll give these away tonight. These will be tonight's giveaways. We have the G.I. Joe Real American Hero official trading cards.

Okay. So tonight, we'll be given away some G.I. Joe's come on by the stream. What do you mean? These are the official G.I. Joe trading cards. All your favorites are in here. Sergeant Slaughter? I don't think he was in the G.I.J. Trading cards.

I think that would have been a rights issue. But, you know, you got like lockjaw and fucking... I don't want lockjaw. I want Sergeant Slaughter. You got a fucking... You got tank, tank guy and the jump, jump boys in here. What about the rock? Big, big, big tax.

Yeah, the rock's in here. Oh, okay. The rock is in here. That might be something. Hey, you want to see. Here, let's see what we get. No, I don't see what's in there. Let's just take a quick look.

Maybe Sargea Slaughter will be in here. You better be. Let's see. We got, dude, we got Storm Shadow right off the rip, dude. That's a PSA 10 right there. Everybody's favorite psychout is here. Remember psychout? No.

Remember Clutch? Who was the inspiration for Hutch? With the dating. Ricky Retardo from the Alpha. That was the original. It was Clutch. Okay. Special missions.

All right. I'm going. I'm going. We got Tunnel rat. Goodbye. We got Tunnel rat. We got tunnel rat. We got the motorized battle tank.