The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 220

Episode Date: February 14, 2026

There it is. Whoops. Whoops. Welcome to everybody. The biggest problem in the universe. We should have a more exciting turnover. You should have a second. You just play the music or something.

Yeah, just play the music immediately. Yeah, I know. The second you turn off that song, play a different song. And just sit there? The song needs to, well,

no, the song needs to fade into us here. Yeah. What you're saying is right. Instead of just a hard cut to us going, yeah, that went good. man good uh intro

how do we not figure that out for a fucking year? I don't know why did nobody suggest that can you fade out awkward thing it's like there's like this music going and then it's just like stops dead cut to two guys going oh hey

and I'm always checking you see if it worked yeah it's dog shit it's terrible it's the worst show I'll look I'd cancel the Patreon but uh yeah I guess I need I guess I needed Hey everybody

Okay, where's the music? I can't believe we have anybody watching I know our hot audience Of a bachelor's getting ready for a big Valentine's Day You know, everybody's taking there Where the fuck is the Where the fuck are my sounds? Logo

Oh, you don't have any, you don't have any sounds Where's the music? I don't fucking know It's like my computer The scroll isn't working That's what's messing me up The fucking scroll is broken The scroll is broken. The scroll.

The scrolling on the window is broken. I can't scroll. In what? In what? Where the music is. I can't scroll. How the fuck am I supposed to play the music? I don't fucking know. I can't scroll at all. You need to figure out. Also, your camera's always way more zoomed in than mine. This is a mess. Your camera's fucked. Um.

My camera's fucked. No, my camera's fine. No, mine's actually good. This is a good camera when it doesn't freeze up randomly. Well, you spent like five minutes trying to fix your camera at the beginning of the show, and you came away with, your rule was I'm not going to hold my hand up, and that's immediately the first thing you did. If I get too close to the lamp, it blows out the thing, but if it's back here, it doesn't blow it out. That's perfectly normal lighting. How the fuck am I supposed to play this? I don't know, McIntosh boy. There we go.

There we go. No, the scroll's still not working. That's not good. Okay, wait, there, there, there. Alright. And I checked, I'm off. It's off. So I gotta start quicker.

I gotta go, biggest problem. In the. Now, see, I'm off now. You would have had it. You would have stuck with it. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. You only show the ranks every problem in the universe.

I forgot to get a fucking rhyme. We're so organized. From space. Crips to To Vagina lips What happened last week? Yeah, fuck it

Young Epstein vagina lips Young Epstein vagina lips How's that Epstein stuff going, huh? Well, we're We're in a very tough spot Because people have decided That he was a cannibal So

Oh, I saw, yeah, that's fun. He was eating jerky. Because he was eating beef jerky. Kid jerky. Obviously, the most delicious snack on the planet is obviously code for... Dude, if I had a billion dollars, I would eat beef jerky for every meal, including breakfasts. I hate to say it, like, isn't that a common thing among, like, billionaires where they're just like, I just want a good cheeseburger? And then they'll just make it their obsession for like a week.

Yeah. All this fancy micro food is a way to trick poor people and to think and they're rich people. When rich people are just like, dude, do you eat a steak and a potato, man? What do you want? You know how when a new thing happens? Everybody becomes an expert in that thing. Like Ukraine happens. Everybody's an expert in Ukraine.

Like a gun happens. I'm an expert in self-defense law. I'm an expert in ice. So this time, this time the new thing was beef jerky, which actually everybody could have been, like, everybody could become an expert at that. But they still fucked it up. Like they're talking about- Can't you become an expert in beef jerky in about five seconds? You should already be.

What expertise? You should already be. You take meat and you dry it out until it ain't got no moisture left in it. That's it. They're like, you don't keep beef drinking the fridge. Like, I mean, it's perishable. Like, yeah, you kind of, you can. Like, the real, the good stuff you make at home.

Yeah, if it's good jerky, it'll still have some moisture content. And it will say, especially if you live in the tropics. To make it last longer. This guy at Burning Inn used to bring a cooler of homemade beef jerky every year. This guy from Oklahoma. That seems like it could go one of two ways. Bro, I ate probably the half the cooler, just myself sitting there all day. I'm like, are you sure?

This is okay, dude? And he's like, yeah, I brought it for everyone. But it's just you eat. That's fine, too. Like, man, this is the greatest, this is the greatest thing in my life. That's why last week I was telling you to put the moose in the river, okay? Because I had jerky on the brain. Anyway, they just-

If that guy had put the moose in the river, he would have made a bunch of great jerky. Go ahead. They decided that beef jerky means that they're cannibals. So now, now that they're stuck with Jeffrey Epstein is a cannibal. There's nowhere else like up to go. So I think it's like it's tapped out. The F's cannibal worse than pedophile really? Well he's

eating kids. If he's eating kids. So yes. Yeah. Well no, one step above that is keeping the kids alive in a perpetual blood-sucking fear machine, which they've talked about before. Of the adrenal chrome stuff? To harvest the adronachrome, yeah.

But other than that. I don't know. I don't know. I think getting turned into beef jerky is worse. I think after you suck the blood It's the disrespect First you suck the blood Then you get the jerky Where do you suck get the blood out of? Eventually the kid has no more fear left

Eventually they're just like a hollow husk And that's when you move on to jerky Yeah I upload a wrong sound effect for the drum roll You know how I am about drum rolls So I'm glad we have a new jaunty one Homeless people simps You won

Hey that was me All right Fantasy sci-fi disabilties? You won twice. Wow. Super Bowl commercials. Third place. I got to say, man.

Give us the fourth one. Go ahead. The equal sign in the Epstein files. And then the fifth one was showing the real person at the end of the movie. That was dead last. Wait, well, how did Lego legs do? Was that from a different week? I think that was from the week before.

That should be number one every week. Man, this year's Super Bowl commercials were a mess. you should have saved that problem for this week yeah but I'm not pissed off about that Jewish ad this week I was pissed off about it last week yeah but what about Amazon going hey by the way we're spying on you and all your neighbors but we found a hundred dogs

and you're like I don't get why that pissed people off dude because that commercial was insane all right first I'm watching the commercial it's the ring doorbell commercial they go we got a new thing that can help you find your dog I'm like, oh, that's great. They go, we find one dog a week. I'm like, that's like 50 dogs. That's not a lot of dogs.

Hey, one dog a week, man. If it's your dog, that's cool. And then they show the neighborhood blanket with cameras. They put on TV that they find one dog a week? Dude, they literally said they find like two dogs a week. It's like a hundred. Why didn't they just lie about that? I don't know.

I would say we find 2,000 dogs a week. Who's going to be checked? First of all... Who's monitoring that? You spent $8 million to tell me you found... One dog? A hundred dogs? For $8 million, you could have saved way more than 100 dogs.

You could go to the dog shelter and save like a billion dogs. So that doesn't make any fucking sense. They could have saved... They could have saved all the dogs for the money that the commercial cost. Yeah. All the sheltered dogs you spent to tell me about 100 dogs you already found... How many dogs could you have like actually fucking... You know what's crazy? I had people

who let their dogs roam free as a problem that I didn't do last week so I already had all the stats on that one. It would have been a good time for it. Do they find any kids? Well, I mean, 50 kids would be impressive. Like if they found one kid a week, that'd be like, wow, you know, that's a lot. One dog a week? That's nothing. They're pumping dogs.

It's because the guys making these commercials are still too afraid to go. Here's the thousands of porch pirates we caught. The women who make these commercials. Yeah. Look at all these videos of people stealing Amazon packages off your fucking doorstep. We caught thousands of them. We caught thousands of black people. Yeah, well, that's what they can't say.

So they have to say we found 100 dogs. Like, the original commercial was, look at how many black guys we locked up. A hundred black guys this week. Look at this fat black bitch falling down, picking up your Amazon package. That was the original pitch. Yeah. And then somebody came in and said, we got to do dogs. We can't do black women falling down.

Yeah. We can't. That can't be a nationwide commercial. Do we have any footage of white guys stealing packages? Yeah, but it's not nearly as funny. They won't deliver or steal the packages. We'll have total package stoppage on both directions if we can run this ad. So that was bizarre.

So people are pissed that it's like a surveillance system for outside? Well, dude, it turns out the ad went so badly that I think ring camera has canceled their relationship with that security company. They're like, never mind, we're not finding any more dogs. Like that, we're sorry. We're sorry we tried to find your dogs. So now no dogs are getting found. No dogs.

No dogs. And $8 million pissed down the drain. What a fucking disaster. And that Goodwill hunting at it and understand it all. I didn't see any of the ads. I didn't watch it. You didn't watch any of the Super Bowl? How did I watch the Super Bowl and you didn't watch the Super Bowl?

I watched the Patriot halftime show, which was horrible. What do you mean? The Turning Points USA Halftime Show or the Spanish guy? It was going to be a Turning Point USA production, or I wouldn't have watched it. Wait, did you watch Kid Rocks? You watched Kid Rock's halftime show? Yeah. Where?

How? Why? On the Internet. I don't know. Somebody linked you to it, and they said, here's a celebration of Charlie Kirk's life as portrayed by Kid Rock. Because I was meaning about it all week. I was asking people all week if they're going to watch the Patriot halftime show, so I was just meming, and then I fucking walked into my own meme. Then I was finding myself watching it.

I'm like, this sucks. I don't want to watch this. My wife put it on. Yeah. And then it was like, it was like all like sad and mopey. And then Chris Rock like became his alter ego, like Christopher Rocks. Christman. Christman.

Christ rock. Yeah. Christ. And then it was a bunch of Erica Kirk shit. whom I fucking hate. I see Erica Kirk and I get angry and sick every time I see her talking or expressing it all. It's like an uncanny valley thing.

Did you see Nick Fuentes reacting to the Turning Points USA Halftime show? No, what did he say? Something based? I got to tell you, Nick Fuentes is your strongest warrior for the right man. He's our only warrior, he's like, this is the most embarrassing, cringe boomer bullshit. I'm like, God damn it, why do I agree? I'm agreeing so hard with Nick Fuentes right now.

He's talking about before Kid Rock came out, there was like a chubby guy and a leather jacket strumming an acoustic guitar. Oh, man, nothing's like football like an acoustic guitar. Nick Fuentes did 10 minutes on his fat chubby hands. And he said, whenever we see a guy in a leather jacket with these fat shubby hands, I'm like, this guy is like Kenny Rogers up there. I was like fucking retarded. Take that to the improv, man. Wait, are you switching teams? Are you on, are you coming on?

Are you coming around to Nick Fuentes now? If there's any guy... Now that it's obvious that everything he said is right and that white people are going to be hunted down. Now you're team Nick. Look. Are you a Nicker? I don't agree.

I don't agree with everything he says, but... You don't have to. Fuentes has been... He is based, I guess I could say. He is based. Keep it up. Keep up the pressure. I would like to find point I think I think he's also becoming a little more moderate you know he's becoming a little more

You know the white ethno state can still be like a fun place for other races. It's just a white ethno state Yeah, it could be fun yeah They could have their own he can hang out there You can keep it like the South We'll still have burrito bowls, you know We'll still have a non It'll be uh we will not have non no no no no no no what do you mean no none We're calling it something

else. We could call it something else, but I do find it interesting that India has fucked up every single thing except flat bread. You're like, how'd you guys come up with the best bread? Of all the fucking things that you could do, you did come up with a really good form of bread. Isn't it funny how much social media and videos have like everyone, have helped everyone out except for India and Israel?

Like the social media videos have just rat fucked. Only India and Israel. There's a lot of people who've been rat fucked by the, the videos. Not countries. Like, not groups. Oh, you're talking about country wine? Well, or like groups. Like, you're, like, you're not like, oh man, all these videos really like changed my opinion of black people or something. Right? It's like, no,

no, those are about what I expect. Or it's like, oh, a bunch of whores. Like, yeah, that's what I thought they were up to. Yeah, I do definitely have a far lower opinion of India than I did before the advent of social media videos. They're eating with their feet. I remember. I used to, I didn't completely buy into it when they're like, Andy is, you know,

to be a superpower in 20 years. Well, there's a lot of those fuckers, and apparently they're good at math or something. I don't know. Maybe. I saw a slumdog millionaire. They seemed like they were on top of things. You know, an enterprising. Then it turned out it was bullshit.

Up and comers. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's the problems. Arcimpatient says, dunking on Eric July doesn't hit the same when I paid for Superkiller almost three fucking years ago. Bang. Just Mebby says, Vito, I solved your milk problem.

Your fridge is broken. You lived at your mom's... My fridge has been broken, so I might need to get a new fridge. What temperatures your fridge at? It doesn't have a thermostat. I would have to get it one. You need to upgrade. You need to get a better fridge.

I had to re-kick the... Yeah, yeah. I want... What's the best fridge? I don't know. I wanted to get a Samsung fridge, but apparently they're terrible. Everybody says don't get a Samsung fridge. Who's...

Who? Just the internet. They're like, they always break. Oh. I think I have an LG. Yeah, you got a good fridge Except for that For some reason

Very confusing water dispenser I know I should get a new fridge Um G Diavani says Evas recently mentioned that taking the money Oh it's more comic stuff Um slam jambs says Vito was self-reporting as an outrage

Tourist So hard with all that Star Trek stuff That hurt to watch Lell Outrage tourists Yeah I think some people are trying to say That there are wheelchairs and Star Trek or so If there are wheelchairs and Star Trek There shouldn't be

That's it. Well, Pipe, like, Captain Pike had one. Christopher Pike? Yeah. And what? In the original series? Yeah. And it went boop, boop.

It was like all black. Okay, so it had like lights and shit on it? It looked like a hovercraft. They built it so the wheels were recessed so you didn't know if it was hovering. That was in the 60s, man. Yeah, but it was still, I'm saying it's still hovered. Like even in the 60s, they were like, they were aware of like, well, we got have wheelchair can't be a fucking thing with two wheels on it, right?

It's got a hover or something. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. I think they're saying that you don't really sound like a Star Trek's fan. I haven't watched all of Star Trek's. There's a lot of Star Trek's. Have you watched the good ones?

Some of them are bad. I've watched most of Next Generation. How's that? What? Most? Well, you know, once Will Whiten was off the show, I'm like, what's the point of watching this shit? What do you mean most? I've watched like the first five seasons.

I've watched TNG probably like 20 times all the way through. Congratulations. You didn't even watch the whole thing? No, I got the gist of it. Did you watch the last episode? I have seen the last episode. What happens in the last episode? What do you call it?

It's a cue comes back. I guess. Okay, obviously it's going to have Q in it. Obviously it's going to have Q in it. What happens? What happens in the last episode? Doesn't he like go back in time or something? It's, uh, what do you call it?

Does he go back in time? It's like he goes back to the first episode. It's like a, it's like a bookend. Quark jerks off on everybody. I don't fucking know, man. I'll watch this shit. All right, I'll accept it. That's an acceptable answer.

All right. Whoopi plays four-dimensional chess with data. Fucking who cares. Who cares about data? Are you fucking serious? Do you watch that Picard shit? You're not watching that Picard shit, are you? I'm not watching that shit, no.

No. Um, it's a me, Yoshio says for real, though, why is, why is the comic still not out? Very soon. Wiggly, McWigley says, Dick made a good call, not wasting his time watching FFS. I did watch. Oh, yeah, I did watch FFS. Those guys are fun. It was great.

It was funny. Uh, okay. There's a lot of, uh, there's a lot of Frog Tony. The Frog Tony sphere is growing. I see how Mersh is doing Frog Tony. streams. I see a... The FFS stream was great. They read the entire, you know, we

read like a couple of the chats. Well, that's what I was like, I assumed that was it. I could not possibly fathom that there was more. I watched all 15 hours of it. They read the whole fucking thing. That's pretty bad.

Vito. Maybe it's something. Have you read them? I've seen look, there's a lot to go through. I have not. I have not read all of them. I think I also tuned into FFS. Oh, you did. There's a lot of Kelly Bear.

There's a lot of puffy nipples. It'll remind me. There's a lot of the Kelly Bear stuff is a little much. I don't know. We might need to. They're making the frogs gay. We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it.

I don't know. I've talked to Frog Tony in a while. There's a lot of things moving around. Is he getting upset? Because he gets a little upset when you know. I think he's... Talk to him. I think he's not happy with the continued documentation of his texting.

Who, mama. I told him not... I was like, dude, I don't know what happened with this girl, but clearly whatever happened, you need it to not be on the record. Shut the fuck up about it. If you didn't fuck a girl, don't talk about it. Don't talk about it. There's nothing to talk about it.

If you fucked her, say whatever the fuck you want. because no matter what she says, she's still fucked you. That's, and that's what everybody's going to know. Like, yeah, he's an asshole, but you fucked him. So, you know, how much do you really hate? How much of a bad guy is he really? Like Epstein. But if you didn't get the fuck, you know, I could have a good time.

I can never have an erection on the bus again. Because it's ruined by Frogtony's. Chats. Look, I don't know the best place to get the, there's a lot of different people. FFS. Covering the growing frog. Tony Sphere. But yeah, shout out, I guess, to FFS.

Uh, I don't know, man. I didn't, I didn't think it would be as bad as it ended up being. I assumed it would be like some default simpory like, hey, I really want to fuck you, you know? Because that's something I would say to a girl. Hey, uh, when you're in town, we should fuck. I'd like to fuck you. I'll buy some. I'll buy you something nice. I'll buy you some stuff.

Yeah. I'll buy you dress. Who, who's buying her food a lot. That's another part of it that's interesting. I gotta say Dayless was like This is the one thing I'm like

I found that interesting too I was like Ben if I could be an only fans girl I just gotta find one buck toothed retard And all my meals are paid for I'd be a happy guy I'd be eating like a king

I'd be like Why don't you gin up an AI girl And make the AI girl do Only fans and then have guys Have guys send you like Italian dinners You know Like oh hi

Oh can you guys send me Oh what do you want Like something dainty Like no I'll have two cheese burgers from two deluxe cheeseburgers from Jack at the box. Extra large fries. Look, the catfishing game, I get it. You know, you can get free stuff.

That's what all the guys used to do on the video games back of the day. You would make a female character on the Warcraft, and then everybody would give you free armor and gold. I, um, do you remember in the first Xbox how it would, maybe it still does this, but if you don't, it'll automatically generate you in username. Mm-hmm. You remember that? On Xbox, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so my first Xbox account, I was like, you know, let's go, let's go, let's go. And I hate filling out, like, forms. I hate filling out video game forms. So I'm just like, skip, skip, skip, skip. And then I get my account and it's like a chick, it was like a chick nickname. It picked, it picked random words. Crystal, crystal time.

Kitten or something like that. I was like, whatever, I don't care. Nobody ever sees this shit, right? Let me play games. So then I got on, I think I got on, I think it was Diablo. I started playing Diablo. and all these people were giving me stuff and I'm like, oh wow, this is awesome.

Cool, everyone's really friendly on here. Everyone's really friendly! And then like years later, I logged in. I said, oh no, that's why they were doing that. They were all trying to fuck Crystal Kitten. Okay. Well, at least you can get a lot of DMs about your puffy nipples. That's what matters.

Pup, Tickler, says that was the most riveting homelessness conversation I ever heard. Terminator says something about milk. Kristen Dorfer in the future wheelchairs have ramps built in them. Something about milk. Pizza, moose, death fabs as the end of blow was a genuine jump scare. And Vito Schindler's list isn't a true story.

It's based on a fictional novel. The book won an award for best fiction. It's half based on a real guy. It's based on a real guy. What do you mean based? Well, I'm saying like Schindler existed. Obviously the movie is not a one-to-one.

Again, Liam Neeson is like not a, fat German guy. Yeah, but how much of it was... Did he save any Jews? How much... What did Eli Weasel do during the fucking Holocaust? I don't know, man. You're not allowed to ask those questions.

You don't know, Eli Weasel? No. He's like the most famous Holocaust guy. And then it turned out he made it like half of it up or something. Hold on. He made half the Holocaust. He's the guy that made it up? He made up half the...

He's written 57 books about the Holocaust. Oy they. I forget what he got. You know Eli. Weasel. I don't know Eli Weasel. He wrote 40 books. Most of the... Why do we always end up talking about the fucking Holocaust?

Because it's defined our entire national identity for 80 years. It is kind of true. Anyway, I don't know. He got like some stuff wrong. I forget what. It's not important. I like who started it. Wiesel was attacked

by a 22 year old... His name was Wiesel and he's making shit up? Wiesel. It's Wiesel. Oh, okay. It's not a... You know, it's a German Jewish name. Visel. Okay. Waisel was critical of Hamas.

Whatever. I don't know. I don't know what happened was Waisel. He's just one of the guys. Weasel. Wiesel. Whatever. I shouldn't have said Eli Weasel.

That's very anti-Semitic, and I apologize. He's lying, though. Man, Nick Fuentes really is influencing me, huh? Yeah, you better be careful. I can watch Nick stuff. And I can, like, compartmentalize it with my kind of. Yeah. Because I've been, you know, in that sphere for a long time.

But you come in like the way you are, you're just going to absorb it. I'm coming in hot. I'm coming in hot. You're going to be. Mama. You're going to be decked out in black leather. Maybe a little, maybe a little bit of cleansing. Just a little bit of cleansing.

No, no. Of course not. All right. All right. I'm the winner. Oh, no, wait. You are. So I do the problems.

Okay. All right, here's my problem, Dick. This week. weekend, or no, sorry, this is the weekend. Two days ago, I went to the hospital. I saw that. Yeah, I had a thing cut out of me. You can see, I have a little scar now. It's going to be pretty cool. It's a big scar. Yeah, it was a big thing they cut out of me. So, where they cut out. But here, it's a benign growth, not cancerous, so we should be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, well, it was, it was like my third titty was growing in. I had a

third titty starting to form. That was going to be pretty cool. But then I said, you know what? I already got two decent titties. Probably don't need a third one. Okay. So I had them go in, cut it on out. And it is crazy to me.

You would think the hospital would be a premium experience that you would be excited about. Uh-uh. And it's not. It's not. And that's my problem. The hospital is not a premium experience. Dude.

It's horrible. It's so bad that it defies explanation. Dick, do you know that the U.S. I got a pretty good explanation for it. Okay. I know what we're going to get into, and I'm sure we'll get into it. But let's put some numbers into context here. Okay. The American health care system generates $4.5 trillion to $5.2 trillion dollars a year. It is the largest health care economy in the world.

Yeah. Okay. Per person we spent on health care $14,500. Healthcare makes up 18% of the entire U.S. economy. Yeah. It is 18% of our economy. Yeah. And I go in to the fucking hospital. And 18% of America is ruining it.

Well, yes, I think that is the problem. Yeah, that's the fucking problem. I go in there. There's a bunch of handwritten signs and shinies that are just scotch taped at lazy angles on things that are like, office around this way, you go. And I'm like, oh my God, I have no fucking idea what's going on. I had to keep lying down on like tables so they could like, you know, check my shit or whatever. And I'm looking up at the ceiling and I go, why do you guys have the dirtiest fucking ceiling tiles I've ever seen?

Never, you would think it would be a pristine, clean environment. And I'm looking up at these stained, soiled fucking ceiling tiles going, this is dog shit. Everything about this is dog shit. Like there's just dirt everywhere. It's grimy, it's gross. The signs aren't even laminated. They're put in those little pouches. Yes.

Dude. $15 trillion, you can't get a laminator on the premises here? You should be excited to go to the hospital. It should be like you walk in, there's like a chocolate fountain and a buffet, you know? Wait, what hospitals do you go to?

It's just like a local fucking China doctor. You got to be real careful, man. Because there are Keck medical, USC Kek downtown is like what you're talking about. They got every chair who's a fat chair down there. It's beautiful. Oh, these chairs were dog shit. These chairs were clearly from the 80s. They got that

fucking cloth that's never been vacuumed or whatever on them. That like same shit they use on the buses. Dude. Last time I went to the hospital, this woman ate a bag of ribs in the waiting room. A bag. I would not be, yeah. I would Not be surprised.

Not a container. A bag. She had a bag of ribs that she was sucking and slurping on. Don't you think with the amount of money that you're spending on the health care, okay, and you don't go to the hospital all the fucking time,

but then you're like, okay, I'm going to the hospital. This is an event. This is a big deal. Shouldn't they make you as comfortable as possible? You should have a gilded... Speaking of wheelchairs, I should have a fucking hover wheelchair.

And they should lead me through, okay? I should know what's going on. Not all the staff needs to speak fucking Chinese or Spanish and I'm like I can't even... Okay, here's the other thing. This is in my area by the way, but shouldn't I be able to go, hey, can I just get

a white doctor who talks at a normal speaking voice? Can I just get a white doctor who speaks at a normal room tone? But instead, it's like a Chinese bitch who goes, okay, you roll over now. And I go, what? She goes, okay, oh, hey, hey, you're rolling over?

I'm like, I have no idea what's going on. You're about to cut me open. I would like to know what's going on? Can you just speak at a normal speaking voice? She goes, shout it. Okay, we're gonna put a thing on you now, I know. It is horrific. And then, I'm horrified.

At no point during the process that I feel like these people have my best interest at heart. You sound like every other groiper right now. I mean, what do you? Well, yeah. What's happening here? A guy comes in, he goes, we're going to do anesthesia. I don't really know how much to give you. It doesn't fucking matter. You're probably good, right?

And I'm like, no, give me the right, Eyeball it. Dude, I think they did eyeball it. You want to know what's crazy? So I came out a, when you come out of surgery, you're supposed to be kind of loopy from the anesthesia, right? Yeah. You know?

Like, they're supposed to really dope you up. Because one thing was, they're like, who's going to pick you up afterwards? And I'm like, ah, I can't like, I can't, like, drive myself. And they're like, nah, dude, you're going to be, like, knocked out. I'm like, you're not allowed to even take, like, an Uber. Like, you have to designate a person. What do you mean you're not allowed to take an Uber? Dude, they will not let you leave.

You can like obviously try to like Chummish is going to be my good pal Chummish is going to pick me up. No they called them though They called them and they go who are you And like you know how do you know them? They want to make sure That's never happened to me Well apparently it's like a thing It's like protocol where they're like you have to have a guy to pick you up

You're not allowed to get an Uber I did see a guy though okay but there was an old Chinese guy And then a big fat Hispanic guy came in he's like Yeah I'm looking for my uncle Chang. And I'm like, that guy got an Uber. I'm like, he just told the Uber guy, just come in and say you're my fucking cousin or whatever. What about people who have cars, though? They can't do that.

What do you got to take the bus home? Dude, yeah, that's what I said? I'm like, I don't have anybody. Who the fuck is going to take me to the fucking hospital? I eventually roped in my good friend, Dirk. And I was like, hey, listen, if they call you, I don't know, maybe I'll have to have you pick me up. Did you guys stream it too? So you could make it cornboys? Should have streamed it.

We could have a ride on. I want to be streaming a lot more. Dirk wants to do more. Corn Boys. Everyone wants you to do more coin boys. Fucking everyone. Okay, but Dirk's ideas for cornboys.

He's like, we got to watch every fucking vampire movie and do a 12-hour vampire round up. And I don't know. Just do it. Just do it. It's funny. Just do it.

I don't have time to watch every fucking vampire movie. So don't watch it and bullshit. Make him do it. Like when the new Fantastic Four was coming out, I'm like, we should review that new Fantastic Four. He said, oh, we should watch every single Fantastic Four movie and rank them. Sure.

Yeah. I think of time for that shit. I don't want to do that. Well, I would do that. would have to watch them too because I would have to watch the Roger Corman one and the other two fucking one. I don't deal with that shit. S-chatGBT. T.T. Say, hey, give me some talking points for every fantastic four movie. Yeah. I guess I could have bullshit it. Come on. Anyway, look, the point is, I come out of surgery and the nurse is horrified because she's like, you're way too

lucid right now. I'm like, yeah, I feel fine. I don't even think you guys knocked me out. She's like, you're like, I've never had anyone come out of surgery and just be like, hey, how's it going? I'm playing on my phone and fucking fucking with apps and shit. She's like, you should be past the fuck out right now. So she's like, all, well, sit in this chair and drink this apple juice until Dirk shows up. And then first of all, they give you a shitty cheap apple juice, not even store brand apple juice. So the whole fucking exce. I'm like, I can't even get a premium like a bottle of apple juice on the way out, like a nice bottle, like a mott's.

Yeah. Okay. So I had to sneak out of the hospital, basically. This actually turned the corner. I'm like, boop. I was fucking walked home like half an hour. Still wearing the hospital down. I was like, yeah.

Yeah, I walked home. I walked like half an hour home after surgery. I stopped at the 7-Eleven. I got two hot dogs. You know you can't eat before surgery. So I walked home with a big fucking scar. Going to the 7-Eleven, I got two hot dogs and chocolate muffin, a thing of Cheetos puffs, and a fucking Arizona pineapple.

Did you unplug your catheter before you left? Dude, I was dragging the fucking IV down the thing with my ass hanging out going, let me get those 7-Eleven dogs. I was famished. but again you would think okay here's the other thing man I got the surgery and I have no idea what's going on

no one has talked to me I got a prescription for some pills no one told me what pills I'm supposed to take I'm like going on chat GPT going like hey what are these and they go those are antibiotics you have to take those or your fucking the scar is going to open back up and I'm like oh okay I wish a doctor had come to me and said this shit

what they didn't tell you that stuff? No I have no information I have no document For some reason, I'm just taking whatever pills they gave me. They gave me calcium. I'm like, are my bones fucked now? Okay, I'll take the calcium. They gave me stool softener.

I'm like, am I going to get constipated from the surgery? So I have no idea what's going on. I got to talk to the doctor. The stool softener is just for fun. I think it is. He's just like, eh, you know, you're going to be knocked out for a couple days. You might as well have some good poops. Yeah.

Look, all I know is I've paid all this fucking money for health insurance all these years. You would think you'd get like a little gift bag or something on the way out. You know, anything. Something. Or like a lounge for the people that have health insurance versus the people who are eating ribs out of a fucking bag. Can I, I'm in the, like the gold club card? Can I get, can I go in the lounge where, you know, the TV's in English? The airport lounge, the airport lounge should be the model for hanging out of the hospital.

Okay? You have a little buffet. Get a drink if you want. Watch some TV. play on your laptop. They tried to take my phone away. They fucking, they put that curtain around

and they can put all your shit in this bag. And I go, well, how long's it going to take? And they're like, I don't know. The doctor's got another surgery ahead of time.

It's going to be like another hour. And I'm like, so I'm just going to sit here in a fucking hospital bed and not play on my fucking phone. I'm like, I had to hide my phone from the Chinese ladies. I had to go,

no, I didn't bring a phone. They're like, are you sure? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I don't have them. They left. And I'm like, I'm not going to just sit here for an hour and I'll play on the fucking phone.

Oh, you retarded? That's how I got my nice hospital selfie. So, yeah, the whole fucking thing is bullshit, man. And obviously, if I'm in the hospital, I want to take a hospital selfie. There's no other. Any time you're in the hospital, you got to get one picture of you, you know, get a little couple sympathy points on a fucking, you know, Twitter or whatever. Every part of the hospital looks like immaculate and new, always, except for the part that I'm in. I walk through the hospital

I'm like wow look at that amazing looking hallway It looks all brand new Whoa look at that cool looking machine And then where I go it's like This looks like a fucking bus terminal Why is Why didn't you redo this place This is where all the people are

Everything about the experience is so frustrating And the worst part was the day before I had to go for x-rays And this is a whole other separate problem You ever in a situation where you're in a waiting room And your phone's dead and you're like I've made the greatest mistake of my life What am I going to do? I'm like, I can either read a Chinese golf magazine

or watch fucking shitty news reporting on what happened on the Olympics yesterday. I'm like, this is the worst. I'm going to be here for an hour and I'm just surrounded by Chinese people. It's just Chinese, Mexican, like, you know, reprobate. Like, all right. Dude, all those newspaper.

I mean, I know I'm in a nation area, but I'm like, dude, it's all Chinese newspapers. What the fuck am I going to do? China. I actually went to my car and desperately, I'm like, there has to be a phone charger. There has to be. And I couldn't find one. It was the worst.

So, yeah, everything. What was your problem? I'm going to save that. My problem is the hospitals are not a luxury experience. Yeah, the hospital experience. Not a luxury experience. Look, I'm not going to say we need white hospitals, but there should be a tier. Okay.

If you're paying into the system. white and Italian and Jew I want I'm a hospital if I could get in there obviously they got their own ambulance Cedar Sinai I want to go to the Cedar Sinai I know

that's why they're white and blue you know I have no idea what I'm talking about I'm still a little loopy from all the drugs I have to take which I don't even know which ones I'm supposed to take I probably the fucking thing's going to open up and I'm going to bleed out and die I don't think it opens up if you don't take antibiotics

you just get infected It can get infected, yeah, you don't want it to get infected. There's an open up. Like, fucking Sarlock. I'm worried it's gonna be like the thing, you know? Like, I'm gonna go to like scratch it and a fucking monster mouth is gonna open up. Evil dead. Uh, okay.

I'm, yeah. All right, well, that's my surgery experience. Good time. And they don't give you the medical waste. Oh yeah, there's sticklers about that stuff, huh? They're really mean. Yeah, I'm like, dude, could you at least take a picture of what you? you took out so I can like know.

They're supposed to do that. They definitely did that. Okay. It should be like when you go to the like the theme park ride, when you go down Splash Mountain at the end of it you should be able to buy a couple four by 10s or whatever the fuck. Yeah. Go through and there's a guy there saying, hey, no taking a picture of the picture wall. No, you're not

on. I don't take picture of it. You got to pay. I would pay for it though. I want a premium. Yeah, I want a premium shot of whatever they took out of my chest. Yeah, that'd be cool. They could add something to the experience. It could be a lot more fun. They should start by eliminating something from the experience.

I think you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, well, we're working on that. That's what it's going to take. Who's we? You and Nick Fuentes and the Groyper's? And Nick Fuentes and the good people of ice. I actually had a cousin who, like a decade ago, he really wanted to be a border patrol agent.

Patriot. And, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing was, like, at that time, the way he explained it was he was, like, if you're too normal, they, like, don't want you because they think you're, like, hiding something. Because my cousin was, like, one of the most boring normal guys ever. And they're like, so you must really fucking hate Mexicans, right? And he's like, no, I don't, you know, hate Mexicans. I just, I think it would be a cool job.

And they're like, yeah, but you really fucking hate those beaners, huh? Really? No, I don't. Yeah, like, they were really leaning on him. And, like, just. Mexicans are, like, the finest of our Border Patrol agents. I think they wanted him to be a little racist. I think, yeah.

I think he failed the test because he wasn't, like, a little bit racist. So they're like, this guy might be like a plant or something, because all of us are like a little bit racist at least. Yeah. But I honestly wanted to go to him now and I go, dude, they would definitely take you now. Like, now you're letting anybody in. Yeah. Now he's like a teacher.

Yeah. I'm like, you fucked it up. They wanted you to be a little bit racist during the test because then they go, yeah, this is one of our guys. Yeah, hmm. I guess you would want, he's white. He's real white. I guess you would want to, you'd want to test white guys for racism.

You'd want that. You would want to test white guys and also a white guy who like swears up and down. Oh, I don't hate any Mexicans. You know, I'm just doing it for the good of my country. You go, man, that's way fissier than you just being racist. Yeah. Like if you're just racist, I can trust you way more. Because you're going to have to make a lot of race-based decisions.

working around. Yeah. That's like actually less trustworthy. Yeah. You don't want you accidentally getting like a 90 year old white woman because you're so race blind, you know? Right. Exactly.

He goes, oh, look, I just pull over, you know, anybody. And it's like, no, no, no, you got to be a little bit racist. You got to be a little bit. Okay, my problem is no voter ID because maybe Vito, maybe this is the last time. This is going to be a problem. Are you seeing what's happening? Sounds like they're doing it. Are you seeing what's happening with the SAVE Act?

I think they got... I thought this shit was dead. Even when Trump got elected, I said, there's no way they're going to fucking pass voter ID. There's just no way. I thought it was dead. But now, every time I log onto Twitter, they got one more guy in the Senate who will vote for it.

Last time I saw it was 51. One more guy on which side? Republicans side. The Democrats voting for it? No, Republicans. Why would every Republican not vote for it? Because they're evil. Pedophiles.

Did you not... Have you not been paying attention? Well, that's your answer for everyone. every political question. I'm wondering if there's a more nuanced take at all. No, because they want a bunch of, they want China to win. Hey Dick, why is this not happening in the government? Petophiles, of course.

Yeah, I know. I know pedophiles. I know, but I'm assuming there's more to it. They want to lose. No, McConnell and those fucking jerks, they want to lose. They want China to come in. They make more money running for office and everybody being pissed off and taking bribes and bullshit and having a bunch of legals.

Are there, like, are there Republican guys who have like a bunch of like, you know, low-income voters, you know, it's probably those guys were the holdouts, right? Yeah, but low income white would maybe not have, I don't know, they probably... It's straight up, bro, it's just straight up evil. It's straight up like bribery. Like that stupid bitch

from Alaska is said she's voting against it. It's just straight up corruption. Yeah, straight, like cash money cash money corruption. Okay, I got some stats for 84% of Americans support

government issued photo ID for voting. 95% of Republicans, 71% of Democrats. That's kind of a big swing, isn't it? 95% of Republicans, 71% of Democrats? 71. When you say big swing, you guys low? That's a big difference. For Democrats?

Democrats are brainwashed. I thought it would be most Democrats would be opposed to voter ideas. That's really high for Democrats. That's fantastic. That's really high for anything. You say 71% of people want something. Like, fucking give it to him then. Right?

Dude, especially when you know how easy it is to go to Democrats and go listen, it's not possible for a black person to get an ID in America. And they'll just believe it. Not like 90% of the fact that you got 71% you should be fucking stomped. Even, wait a minute, listen to this. Even black guys, 81% of black people support voter ID. That was, I mean, that is shocking to me. I figured that number would have been like 2 or 3% that would support voter.

81%, 82% of Mexicans, 91% of white people. The left has been, I don't know, it's like with the immigration issue where like the left spent all this time being like, we love immigrants, right? And normal leftist voters are like, no, not really. Not really. Like Trump, when you look at Trump's approval rating, it's like everybody across the board is like, I don't care if you kick out all the Mexicans. Why the fuck would I care? Why don't I do these fucking Dominicans here? What do you mean?

And it's like, no, those are our guys. Like, those are our guys. No, that does do anything for me. So we're a melting pot. This is another issue. Yeah, we're a melting pot. Yeah, I was, I kind of like, I just always heard the stats of like everybody. It wasn't until this week that I looked at it.

Like, wow, literally everyone wants this shit. It's not even that you want it. It's just like on a certain level not having it is like, well, that's insane. Yeah. Why would you not just check your ID? I get my ID checked fucking everywhere. That's what I saw, I saw one write up, one article of it was they took the, everybody takes a different position on it, which is funny. I like when that happens.

It's always, it's always funny when that happens. Like, all these, like, roads of bullshit lead to the same place. They're like, you know, all of Trump's, like, histrionics and bullshit over losing the 2020 election. But we really should pass this just to stick it to him. Like, just to show these idiots that these elections are fair. Like, yeah, you should, you should do that. That would really hurt, yeah. That would really show us.

Okay, let's put it this way. Is right now, I am owed $1,000 from the Wizards of the Coast. corporation for winning a magic card tournament. And I can't get it because my photo ID is expired. So I have to go to the DMV and get a new photo ID. So in order to get my magic card money, I need a fucking ID. I would think voting for the fucking president should also need an ID. I think that would be a, that makes sense.

Are you, this is a, uh, from a, a senator. Uh, are you married? The Save Act will place unnecessary burdens on American women who have changed their name. making it harder to exercise their constitutional right to vote. One after another. They're going with the women are either too stupid or lazy to fill out the form to change their new. It's a good argument. It's a good argument.

Do you know how long it takes women to update the name on their driver's license when they get married? It was, my wife had it done about 10 seconds after I proposed to her. I already sent a form in from the DMV. I had it pre-filled out for some reason. Like, yeah, I don't think that's really ineffective. They're on top of it. I mean, look, I mean, occasionally, I did have an uncle who,

he was born in a monastery in Ireland, which burned down. And he has no fucking, they're like, where's your birth certificate? He goes, man, I have no fucking idea how to get one of those. So, like, my uncle will never be able to vote. He just literally can't get a birth certificate.

He doesn't exist. Does he pay taxes? He's like, he's like, I don't think he does. I haven't seen him in a while. He's the uncle who got kicked out of the family for wasting all their money on online poker. Okay. Which kind of did not end up very well.

No idea. Had him like a decade. Yeah. Yeah, but that's the thing is like he just disappeared and nobody's seen him for like two decades. Okay. But I remember at the time, he's like, yeah, it's just really fucked the fucking the monastery where I was born birth.

down in Ireland and I don't exist. And I'm like, oh, I guess you can't. At least you can vote was what we always said. We say, well, at least you can vote. You know, got to prove you exist there. You should go find a homeless person and take their identity. There you go. Yeah, I mean, that's always an option.

Yeah. Yeah. 2.6 million people lack any form of government photo ID. That's wild. That's what I found. 2% of black people, 4% of Mexico. Mexicans. That's a lot smaller. That's a lot smaller than even I thought with the bullshit. Like I thought, oh, shit, maybe black people really don't have an ID. But it turns out that that's wrong.

They all do. Everybody does. Well, I mean, if you want government assistance, you got to have some sort of ID, right? Yeah. Yeah. Can you vote with your snap card? Can you go in and, you know, can they look you up with that? I don't think so Why don't you just do that? Because that would cover like 99% of it You just bring your snap ID benefit card At the grocery store

At the grocery store RFK doesn't let you get chips anymore But you get to vote Which is a fair trade Do that thing and it goes bleep And then you get to pick one of the other Or it just picks for you To defaults to Democrat

Yeah why would you have the choice Why would you? I noticed you're on EBT Did they really cancel soda and chips? Uh, I don't, I think they did. I think they, on some level did. I don't know exactly what they put into a place, but you saw that, uh, Frito Lay for the longest time. You're like, why is a bag of Doritos like nine fucking bucks?

And the answer is, well, because we were just, everybody was snapped just buys a bag of Doritos with government money. Oh, shit. Fuck you. So the second they banned chips from EBT, Frito Lay all of a sudden is like, we're slashing prices across the board. And you're like, you cock suckers, motherfucker. That's why chips cost so fucking much. So all the prices on... Those cock-shockers.

Yeah. Dude, all the prices on junk food are coming down because they can't bilk the government anymore. They have to actually get normal people to buy it with money now. You have to get people with jobs and discipline to buy it. It's like garbage. It's really fascinating, man. There was like two weeks where EBT Americans were posting on TikTok that they're going to

like kill you and steal your potato chips and stuff. And then they steal. So I just assumed that it, I assume some judge overturned it, but I don't know. I think it's like a state by state cases. I don't know. People are saying it's 15%. Prices on free-to-lay products are down 15% across the board because you can't use your EBT card to buy a bunch of fucking Doritos anymore.

Well, there you go. Man. It's going to be crazy. Somehow it's going to get fucked up. But I really, I am absolutely floored. This is actually, it might happen. We'll see what happens, but here's what I got to say, though, no matter what you guys are still going to complain about voter fraud. You're going to say that the Mexicans voted for other Mexicans.

So it doesn't even matter. You're just going to move the fucking goldposts anyway. You're going to go, oh, you voted for a dead lady, or you brought in your, your Mimas fucking voting card or pretended to be her. It doesn't fucking matter. They're going to be the same fucking complaints. We'll see. You guys are fucked. You guys are fucked in California if it's voter ID.

You think? You think in California? Everything is you changed around? Yeah. It's going to turn red. Yeah. Well, maybe not red. After the Palisades fire, a lot of people are fired up.

Have you seen Spencer Pratt running for mayor? The guy from like. Which one's Spencer Pratt? He's the guy from like Laguna Hills or something, that old reality show. His house burned down. He's super pissed. So he's running for mayor and he's doing a really good job. Here's what I saw.

and this is out of Texas. You know who's running for governor in Texas? Oh, come on, where's the actual video? Our boy Vince, here we go. From 12 days ago, from 12 days ago. Can I share this video? Jamlau guy? Vince Offer? Here you go.

Here's Vince Offer running for, yes. I was joking. I was joking. No, he's running, dude. And he's going to slap, chop the woke out of Congress. Hell yeah. Telling everybody. All right, here we go.

Hey, it's Vince. I'm running for Congress against this guy. Stop having a politician that's worse than Biden. Uh, for me. Oh, Instead, vote for me, a guy who's not half dead. I'm gonna soak up the swamp, clean the house, and pick up those liberal tears at the same time.

I'm gonna slap chop the nuts out of the woke, making less blue hair commies and more red-blooded Americans. Vote for me so I can represent you and the ones that can't stand up for themselves. Vote for show love. He's got a little fucking ultrasound fetus pumping its fist You gotta save that penis

You gotta save the baby Otherwise they're gonna kill all the babies You're gonna kill it I said If anybody deserves to be in Congress It's Vince the Shamwow guy He's running against like an ancient old man I don't know maybe he's got a chance

I'd like to see it Wow, fun. Yeah, okay. No voter ID. Politics are changing for the better. You know, Nick's got a... It's a new day. I know Nick hates the Trump had to run.

What, Nick's got to run? This is a big... If this passes, it's a pretty big fucking deal. Okay, here's a... Are you watching the Pam Bondi stuff at all? Yeah, I hate her. You guys should hang her when you get in charge. You got to, you got to, you know,

You got a lady, here's what I think she's trying to do. She had a bunch of cards of insults. Do you see that? She's reading? Yeah, she's, that makes sense. She couldn't memorize him. Because she's trying to be Trump, but she's not naturally funny. She's a woman, so she can't be funny.

Yeah, trash. That's what she doesn't understand. Nobody came to her and said, no, the reason Trump's funny is because he's a guy. You're going to get up there and go, have you seen the stock market? But you could come off shrieky and retarded. If Trump went in there and they were like, hey, are you a pedophile? And he goes, look at the fucking Dow's up 15. She points.

Yeah, so what if I'm a pedophile? I'd be like, that's awesome. Yeah, fuck you. We're all getting rich. Yeah. She can't do it because she's a lady. I'm like, no, that only works for Trump and like guys. Yeah.

We know it. It didn't work out. She's fucking up. Speaking of fucking up, Dick, I'm going to do my second problem. All right. All right. Are you aware of James? You remember James Vanderbeek from Dawson's Creek?

He's dead. The actor and devoted. family man passed away on February 11th following a battle with colorectal cancer at the age of 48. So butt cancer. Yeah. Now, here's the thing, right? You go, well, that's sad, obviously. He had a wife.

It looks like he had, what, five kids or something. Yeah. Here, I'll show you a picture of a, well, whatever. We don't need to see a picture of his blonde weirdo. Yeah, we don't need to see his kids. Okay. He dies. That sucks.

But let's be real. He was a TV star. Instead of James Van derby. He's going to die. Yeah, why couldn't he have died last week? Well, Boogie's a little bit younger than. Boogie's not 48. I don't actually, I don't know how old Boogie is.

Is Boogie the same age as? We can all agree that Boogie deserves to die more than James Vanderby. Yeah. Right. Well, because Boogie had blood cancer and it was like super treatable blood cancer. Yeah. You know, that was the problem. is that he didn't put anything up his butt

the way James Vanderbeek didn't get butt cancer. Wait, what? Wasn't that how, I don't know how James Vanderbeek got butt. Can't you get butt cancer if you do a lot of butt sex? Doesn't that lead to butt cancer sometimes? I don't know about that. I'm not, I'm not sure how you get butt cancer. Of butt cancer.

Okay, here's the real problem, though. Okay, so James Vanderbeek is dead. Okay, you know, that sucks. I hope his family is, you know, going to be okay with it. And then you have people who go, man, you know who we really got to help out? Here, let me put up this up on the screen. Support for James Vanderbik's family.

$2.5 fucking million raised for James Vanderbigs family. Awesome. $50,000 top donation. Dick, my problem is donating money to rich people. Why are you doing it? That's retarded. You're saying that little girl is rich? Come on, come on. This is about helping his family and those kids.

Dude, how could you shit on that? Read this shit. James Vanderbigh was a beloved father, human, whatever, with six wonderful children. In the wake of this loss, Kimberian and his children are facing an uncertain future. The cost of his medical care and extended fight against cancer. Listen to this. Have left the family out of funds. Out of sons, Dick.

They have zero dollars. Vito. Getting cancer is very expensive. You pay for anything for another week. Your generosity will help cover essential living expenses, pay bills, support the children's education. Because remember, they have nothing, nothing at all, not a single thing. Except for the hater.

$6.7 million ranch home. God forbid you dip into that fucking equity. What are you talking about? The man had a multi-million dollar fucking estate. sell the house get a nice rental okay dude how are you gonna have

a sobster why do people give money it doesn't make any fuck it says I get that you like Dawson's Creek I get that you

won't want his family to be destitute but they also have a 6.72 million dollar ranch that they bought this year and you know why they bought it this year

because they knew he was going to die and then they could go to you and go we don't have any money guys we don't have any money and you go didn't you buy

a phone? fucking $7 million house at the beginning of the year and they're like yeah we don't have that money anymore because we bought the house now we're out of money but they need a little bit we need a little bit more for the suffering and they're rich so they need more money like if they

like a fundraiser for a normal person's dead dead $100,000 that would be amazing but they're already rich so they need like it needs to hit like $2 million $3 million to be the same You gotta continue I mean if you're yeah if your rich dad dies you can't

to live on a $6.7 million estate, that's, that's not going to work out. It's the thought that counts. It's just the thought that counts. People like him, they want his family to feel better, and $2.5 million would make them feel better. What is wrong with that? You know how many dogs?

You can save with that money, you can save a lot of fucking dogs. That's all I'm saying. You probably save more than a hundred fucking dogs. Look, is that just this fucking guy? You know how many Pokemon guys I could guy? I'd be a happy boy. It'd be a happy man. Donate to this show.

Don't donate to James fucking Vanderbeek. And his kids were all like perfect little Aryan children anyway. They're going to be fine. They're going to be fine. They're going to be fine in life. Trantifa freaks that you want to set out of prison. Donate to James Vanderbeek. It's not just him.

You'll why. Okay. Like the guys who watch like a, what's that Amaranth or whatever? Some of these Twitch streamers who go, yeah, you know, I'm making like $10 million a month streaming on fucking Twitch and then you watch a guy and goes,

I gotta give this bitch $500 for some fucking reason you go No you don't She has She has Sponsorships She has ad revenue

Why are you donating? It doesn't make any fucking sense Yeah Meanwhile you got a podcast featuring a two destitute You got a man with a kid And a living

A living child right here Who just went through a horrible I just had Surgery You can even afford to ride home You had to walk home from the hospital. I had to walk home from the hospital. And how many superchats do we have?

One, two? We have real super chat. That's miserable. Yeah. And they're all just calling me an F slur, so it doesn't even count. Look, all I know is, uh, it's so weird to me. Did Eric Kirk launch a launch of GoFundMe? Yes.

Yeah, there's a fucking, yeah, I think there was a fucking. Have you seen her tweets about, about doing foot fetish pornography? What is that about? that she used to be like a ho and she was tweeting stuff and somebody But she's not a ho no-mo Is that what you're telling me? No, she's housewife.

She's not a ho-no-mo. And somebody quoted her tweet using the old style and she's like talking about taking pictures of her feet. Wait, they found like an old like thing of her doing foot fetish stuff? Yeah. Here, fundraiser for Charlie Kirk's family raised

almost $5 million. Why? Why? Okay. Not only does she get to take over his fucking foundation and fucking hire Kid Rock to put on the shitty lip sink, whatever the fuck. You're just giving him $5 million. And he doesn't even have as many kids that fuck. At least James Vanderby got like a million kids. And he goes, I get it. You know,

he's got one bitch and two kids. They'd be fine with a million. Five million dollars. Five million dollars. His statement from Tucker. Oh, did Tucker Carlson put this together? This fundraiser was started by Tucker Carlson in Neil Patel's nicotine pouch company. Alp. So Alp nicotine helped put this fundraiser together, guys. Don't forget to... Wait, Neil Patel's... Nicotine? What? Yeah, Neil Patel and Tucker Carlson are selling nicotine pouches. And through their company, they set up a $5 million fundraiser for Erica Kirk, which this makes no fucking sense to me. We want to do whatever we can for Charlie's widow. We've set up a give, send go, and we're

seeding it with $1 million from Alp pouch. So if you guys need a tobacco that supports It's, you know, this woman dancing around to fireworks as her husband rots in the ground. Get yourself the Alp pouch. I don't know, man. Look, everybody's got money. I get you want to spend it on a worthy cause. But I would think all these rich people are probably going to be okay. Maybe donate to an animal charity or something reasonable.

Animal chair. Who gives a fuck about animals? Donate to animals. You got to keep these kids. Look, it's better that rich. Kids have money to keep being rich. Animals doesn't, it doesn't not matter. But kids who are rich, they need to keep being rich or else the shock to them of becoming poor or middle class.

Of becoming suddenly poor. That's cruel. That's cruel. It's fine for middle class to stay middle class. But rich kids that lose their dad, we got to keep them at being rich, you know? Isn't that the plot of Annie? The plot of Annie is that she's got to stay rich? No, I thought she was rich And then what's the

What's the thing where like a girl is like in boarding school Like a rich boarding school And then her parents die And then she's got to be like a serving girl What the fuck are you talking about? This might just be a fetish pornography I watched Hold on This is a real story or just sick kinky shit I've seen

No Wait, she becomes a serving girl What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, because they're like You can't pay She's like you can't pay for school anymore So now you got to you know wash the feet of all the other girls

you know and then she's down there washing their feet yeah yeah I'm pretty sure that was a movie I don't think that's what isn't Matilda no Matilda was really smart Was Annie always poor? Was Annie always poor? Yeah Annie started poor It was somebody in a rich Yeah they got a whole song

Hard Knock Life for us you don't remember that? The Little Princess It's a Harley Temple film Shirley Temple Yeah The Figures The Little Princess the little princess one of my

favorites you know I'm big on those Shirley Temple movies yeah why do you know this movie? Because I just remember that being like a plot you know it's like a rich girl at boring school all right here's the other what's the one

wearing the yellow dress who gets a kidney taken out Madeline? Yeah Madeline She gets her kidney taken out No she's her appendix taken out I remember that happened to Madeline?

Yeah Madeline is hanging out with all the other French girls. And she goes, Ah, what the fuck? And then it turns out like her appendix burst or something, yeah. Are you serious? That was like the original Madeline story. Oh, you're reading all this Madeline shit and Matilda and stuff?

I don't know. You should read little boys books. Not little girls books. I don't know, man. I'm reading about the Bear and Stain Bears, man. It's fucking cool. I guess it's weird, you know, as a young boy,

you're reading like Hardy Boys, right? Hearty book Encyclopedia Brown I was a big fan of that I was a big fan of Encyclopedia Brown I could never Those were cool Those were good Some of those were bullshit though

Some of those never had a good ending I would go through the whole book I'm like you can't fucking defeat the dragon This is bullshit Yeah But remember I think I was a curious It's curious that there's an entire like You know

By set Okay let's put it this way Beverly Cleary Most of the books were for girls right I don't know so yes Ramon and what were the other Are you their god? It's me, Margaret

Girl book, that's a girl book. Right, but then she had Henry, which was the boys' books and Henry had a dog that went missing. That was a trick. Henry was a trick. That was a trick. That was a girl book, but about boys. I read those Henry. I think I read those Henry books as a kid, and they started making me trans.

I had to stop reading them. I had to go back to the Hardy Boy Mysteries. Why did you get sucked into Henry books? I don't know, man. Beverly Clearie had a very crisp and a refreshing and writing style, I suppose. Were you like, oh boy, Beverly Clearly finally wrote a book that I can read and not get made fun of. Finally, finally, a Beverly Cleary book that appeals to me. I read a lot of the kids. So whatever was lying around, I would just, you know, and I picked up some Beverly. I, I, I enjoyed, I liked the Ramona stuff. You ever read the Ramona stories? Fuck no. Why would I read that? She was the younger sister. I read like Tom Clancy. Like the hunt for Red. You did not read Tom Clancy when you're like six fucking years old.

Clear and present. The Pelican Brief. That's what I read. Okay. But when I was in sixth grade, I read Sphere by Michael Crichton. Me too. That was fucking sucks. Yeah.

Well, because Jurassic Park was great. I was like, oh, man. I'll read all these other Michael Crichton books. They're all great and they're all fucking garbage. Indromeda Strain. Garbage. Sphere the book is good. Tore the movie fucking sucks.

Sphere the book is really good. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I take that back. It was good. That's the one with the alien orb under the water. Yeah, the movie sucked, but the book was really good. Yeah. Michael Crichton was, man, did you ever read Michael Crichton's like autobiographical book or whatever

where he talks about all the cool shit he did? No, what did you do? Like climbed Everest and hung out with psychics. And I'm like, dude, this guy was awesome. And he really was racist towards Japan, which was cool at the time too. Was he really? Yeah, he made that one book about Japan. Remember at the height of, like, Japan.

taking over all the industries or whatever. Yeah, what was that book called? Were you raped? Someone got raped. Yeah, it was basically like, well, actually, I think it was called Rising Sun. It was just a Japanese businessman going around and killing white people to secure business deals for themselves. And you're-

Wasn't it really had a problem with that? They did make it into a movie. Yeah, I never saw the movie, though. We should watch all the Michael Crichton movies and then do a review. I would watch Sphere again. I mean, I still like the movie series. It's just not nearly as good as the book. The book was good, but the, yeah, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

movie sacked. I think I remember. And ER. He made ER. That was him. Oh, yeah. Because he was a doctor for a while. Michael Crichton was a great. Dude, Michael Crichton dying is one of those things. We were like, ah, I wish that guy was still around. You know, he did Westworld and all that shit. All that shit was him. All that shit was him. You didn't watch the new Westworld or the old one or any of them? I don't watch any of them. Uh, the first season's good. The rest of its dog shit. The first season's really good, though. All right, Dick, why don't you bring us home? Okay, my problem is the auto start stops on cars Okay, explain this to me

Because I still don't know what they're talking about No, because I have a 2006 on to element I got I got fucking Granted out of that shit Jerked around into buying this My car has auto start stop Which is when you stop at a stoplight

The car turns off and the air stops working So it's to save gas or whatever What? Actually? How? Yes, the engine goes into like idle mode. So you pull up to a stoplight, your car shuts down, but when your engine, everybody knows this.

When the engine is off, the air does not work properly. Like when the engine turns off. It's like a little fucky. It's like it's warm. Like the cooling power from the air happens because of the engine being on. When the engine's not on, it doesn't produce enough energy to run the heat pump of the cooler, right? So every time you pull up a stoplight, the engine shuts off, and the air starts coming out like musty, like warm, lukewarm, musty. And then when you go, when you, you know, when you take it for off the brake, the engine turns back on.

So every time you get in your car, you got to press a button to turn the auto start off. Every time for like, I don't know how long I've had that car. 10 years, 9 years, 10 years. So this is a thing that can be turned off? You can turn it off, but you've got to turn it off every time. Every time you get in the car, you're going to turn it off. Because it's for, you know, stupid liberal shit. And Obama did this?

Did he do it? It sounds like an Obama thing. I thought it was like an Obama thing. I don't fucking know. But I see, I saw Trump is getting rid of it, right? Yeah, he's getting rid of it. And it made cars. Let me see this.

It made cars $2,400 more expensive. All cars, putting this stupid shit. Can I get rid of the seatbelt alarms too? I want that gone. Well, he's at it. So it's great for everybody else who's buying a car now, not having to deal with this shit, but I have it now forever. I'll probably never, you know, buy a new car.

I'll have that car until I'm dead. And there's no way I can ever... The truck or the car? Truck. There's no way I can get rid of it. So even if it goes away, I'm still stuck with it. Is there... Yeah, I mean, there's probably no way to take it out of there, I guess.

Can't take it out. It's fucking bullshit. Well, that's what you get for buying it. a big a truck. You should have bought a hybrid. You should have bought an electric truck. You should have lived in the future. Electric. We're not driving that gas guzzler around, polluting everything, smogging up. Oh, man. Are this beautiful country of ours? Yeah, it was to cut down on fuel costs. Let me see here. You know, bullshit. I hope you know trying to talk to me about car problems is a 7% to 26%. I'm struggling here. I'm going cars, huh? Those drive and

They got an engine and whatever the fuck. But no one's... This is why I got a guy to do car stuff. I don't know car shit. This is the problem, Vito. There's no reparations for me. I am stuck with this forever. Even if they undo it, everybody else is fine.

But me, the guy that pushed for it to happen, doesn't get any kind of benefit from it. Well, that's what you get for buying a big new truck. What should I've done? Wait 10 years? I was supposed to wait 10 years? I was supposed to wait 10 years. to buy a new car? It's not going to happen.

I deserve some sort of a removal system for the auto stuff. You want to go to Japan and get a mini truck with me? The Hylux? Yeah. Are they bringing them over here? Well, it's that rule where you can't import a Japanese car until after it's 20 years old, right? Oh, I didn't know that rule.

Yeah, that's the rule on a mission. So once a car is 20 years old, it's officially old enough that it's not like a new car. You can't bring a new car in from Japan. Wait, at all? You can bring a car? No, no, not at all. What about all the Nissan's and stuff? Those are specifically made for the American market.

Those aren't Japanese cars. Yeah. All right. So, like, if a car is made for American emission standards, fine. I think it's 20 years. That's why all the guys who are into fucking... I think it's 20 years. I'd have to look it up.

But that's why all the guys who were into, like, fucking ricers are always, like, excited when the new year comes around and go, oh, I can finally get a fucking 1996 GTX or what. Yeah, exactly. Somebody's saying it's 25. years in the chat. So yeah, I got a buddy who's, I forget what year model he's waiting on. He's like, dude, the second this year comes, we're going to Japan

and I'm getting one. I'm like, all right, man, let's make it fucking happen. All right. So you got to buy a 25-year-old car? You got about 25-year-old car. Yeah, yeah. I think it might be the same for motorcycle. Maybe I don't know if motorcycles have the same restriction. But yeah, it's like cool. It's like there's a whole underground community of guys

waiting for Japanese cars to be legal in America. I thought they were going to start making those for an American market. I got that they undid the regulations around that stuff. The cafe regulations. I think Trump's time. I don't know, man. There's some weird stuff. Trump's got to figure out these tariffs, man. I can't buy Japanese magic cards

anymore and it's destroying my inventory. It's destroying. I was making so much money importing the fucking Japanese magic cards and selling them for English prices. Look at these. Look at these happy little Japanese murfolk. And now I can't fucking get them

anymore. It's bullshit. Wow. Yeah, well. You want to, you want to quick bonus problem? Well, yes, sure. When you open a $40 pack of magic cards for a guy on your whatnot stream and rip him a $2,400 vampire. And now I got to decide whether to delete my whatnot channel and keep it or actually ship it to the guy.

Just say it got lost in the mail. Ship it, cut it. Yeah, got lost. Cut it and then drop the mailbox. And say, oh, man, it must have got cut. 422 out of 500. We ripped this last night. I went.

Could open that fucking pack. I could open that pack. Literally a $2,500 card. How do you survive on whatnot with the way that you think like that? I'm fine with it. It's fine. Although now I have this guy. Now I have this guy.

He's sending me a message every minute going, did you send the card yet? You're not going to keep the card, are you? How are you going to get the card? Can you insure the card? And I'm like, dude, I'm going to send you the fucking vampire, all right? Congratulations. I was, dude, I did look at it. I'm like, all right, how do I quickly, like, throw it off screen and go,

There's no rare in the pack. Can you believe it? Yeah, you should have like, you should have like how the dealers in Vegas have that little mirror that they stick things in, you know, so they can see if it's 21. You should make one of those. Honestly, look.

You should. Dude, you should have a mirror off, have a mirror off the side of the table, off camera. So you can tilt the pack a little bit and look off to the side and see what it is. And then just burn the, if it's really good, burn the pack. there are some serious scammers running fucking crazy-ass scams on that platform and uh look i gotta say i have a lot of fun on there but i would not buy from half the people on

there i'm always like how are they not just like the Pokemon guys are weighing all the Pokemon packs you know that right yeah yeah yeah you can weigh the Pokemon pack and go that one's got a holofoil that one's got a hollow foil that one's got a hollow foil like they're all fucking around bullshit uh i want to see dude you want to see a great scam the What Not Lego Scammer if I could find this. Yeah. There was a guy. Oh, man, where was it?

So he was doing this thing. Okay. Oh, man. I'm going to see if I could find it. Fuck. He had, he had, he's dealing out Legos, right? He's got like good Lego sets. Right.

Right. What Not Lego mystery box, wall. All right. And what he would do is you'd pick like a number. Fuck, man, I don't have it. All right, if I find it, I'll find it. I can't find it. Damn it.

What would happen? So basically, you had a wall of like 40 boxes, right? And one of them has the Lego Millennium Falcon in it. So you buy, you go, okay, I'm going to pay you $50 and I want Box 37. And you go, it's a fucking A-T-A-T, you know, it's worth like $10. bucks. You're like, ah, fuck. All right. And you would go through the boxes one by one until somebody got the fucking Millennium Falcon. Okay. But this guy, he's just got the webcamer trained on the wall of all the boxes. And then at a certain point, he's still talking. He's like, yeah,

you know, pick your number or whatever. And he would just pause the web camera because it's just on a static wall. And after like half, you know, 30 of the 40 boxes were bought out, he'd go to one of the last 10 boxes and put the Millennium Falcon ticket in that box. Oh, what a scumb bag. But everybody noticed because they're like, but somebody slowed down the footage and they went, hey, how come at this point in the video,

that box suddenly moves slightly to the fucking left? And they, dude, he was doing it for like two years before some of the funny. He went, did this motherfucker pause the web camera? And then, yeah,

he would always wait until the end of the game and be like, oh, can you believe it was in the last five boxes? I can't believe it, guys. That's crazy. Wow, like speed. Yeah. Scumback.

I was watching. a whole, I was watching a whole takedown of that guy. I love, I love watching, look, as a scammer at heart, I, I, I, because I see how easy it is to scam. Now, luckily my scams are cheeky and fun. I buy Japanese packs at extremely affordable prices for myself and then jack them up for you the consumer. Yeah. Okay, but that's just capitalism. Your scams are more like arbitrage. Yeah, I mean, you know, you're reselling at a higher price point. Yeah. But man, some of these guys are just running, uh, running crazy, crazy scams.

Okay, what are our problems? Let's see, I had... Auto stop, start, on the car, voter ID, no voter ID, and you had... Mine was the hospital experience, non-luxery experience. Okay. And donating to rich people.

Donating to rich people. It's bullshit. Yeah, like Superkiller's a cheeky fun scam. But that one's coming out. That one's coming out. That one's coming out. I just got print proofs. Okay, I'm going to have an update soon.

All right. I've been dealing with a lot of medical problems. I'm sorry. It's not been good. Okay. We're not going to get into it. Whatever. What's the medical problem?

Well, I did have to have this fucking thing cut out, but other bullshit. So whatever. Diamond G for two. I'll be dead in a couple years ago. be happy anyway. Fridays, as all things should be. Stu K. For two. Reveal the Eric July Funko Pop for Vito's Health. I'll look for it,

StuK. Captain Cheese for five. What a great Friday night show. We should do this every Friday night. Thanks, cheese. Mateo Roberto for two. Late and gay by a day in 10 minutes. Justin Ranniger for two. Shaquille, all meals, finally hungry for Fridays? Balder for two. Congrats on the new Vigito Diabito. Spider Eternal for two. Why does Vito barely wear the show's merch? Let's fucking go.

Cardinal Bird for five. Vito, why are you so in love with pizza? I had to throw out my We Like Joke shirt because it had a stain. Oh, you did? Yeah, I need a new one. Cardinal Bird for five. Pizza dis dick. Nailed it. Why are you so in love with pizza? Pizza this dick. Pizza this dick.

Pizza this dick. Pizza dis dick. Baldur for two. Boo, that was terrible. Real black guy for two. Read the newly dropped Frogtony Taylorish messages. You gotta give us $100 and we'll do it. No, there's way, way too many. Way too many for a hundred dollars.

Well, okay, we'll read a portion. They took doing it. We will read for every $100, you guys, $50 for one page of Frogtony text? That seems fair. Okay. Yeah, we can do. a page, but you got to pick the page and you've got to put the link somewhere.

Yeah, you got to link us a page of DMs. And you guys got to, you collectively have to decide which page of tweets you want us to read. Whoever pays. All right. Whoever pays can make the decision, sure. All right. Clippever's for five. New clip of song, I can do this too.

Drops tonight. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Vito, you should try one sometime. Apple emoji. Boss hog for a new clip of song. Actually, actually, I have something to say about Apple. Have you had the Cosmic Crisp apple yet? What's that? The Cosmic Crisp is the best apple I've ever had. I'm eating an apple a day, if not too.

The Cosmic Crisp apple is, it's like no apple you've ever had. I'm singing the praises of this apple to anyone who will listen. I don't want no apple I've ever had. I would like an apple. Next time you are at the store, if you see a bag of Cosmic Crisps, get a bag of Cosmic Crisps. What are they like? America's, I can't even fucking, it's like, it's like, it's like, if you ever see a cartoon character eating an apple?

Yeah. And they'll like smile on their face and the, and the, and then you go and you eat an apple and it's nothing like that. I don't know. This is like if you're daffy duck eating an apple and you go, oh, my fucking God, this is the best fucking apple I've ever had in my life. Cosmic Crisp. The Cosmic Crisp. And this is fascinating. It was developed at, I think it was the University of Oregon.

or something. They get a royalty every time you get a Cosmic Crisp apple. So all these fucking Midwestern Apple signs. Yeah. Did you know that like a lot of universities just spend time coming up with crops? So like the University of Oregon makes like half their money from selling like the fastest growing wheat fucking plant or whatever. And now the Cosmic Crisp is blowing up. Like they're like the richest university from the fucking Cosmic Crisp. Okay. Look. What does it look like? What's so good about It looks like an apple. It looks like an apple. Oh.

I'm going to see. Who makes the Cosmic Crisp? Is it better than Honey Crisp? It's a million times better than the Honey Crisp. The Honey Crisp is dog shit compared to the fucking Cosmic Crisp. Oh, okay. Okay. The Cosmic Crisp is the sixth.

Here, hold on. Okay. It's the sixth most cultivated apple in America. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. For the, was developed at Washington State University. Okay I want to see how much money

They're making from this fucking thing They're making a fortune from the Cosmic Crisp I just saw it It makes up 9% of the entire Apple I don't fucking know How I'm making a lot of money Okay From Apple

All I can say is you can eat one Cosmic Crisp And it's gonna be a part of your life For the rest of your life Alright I'll try it I think I saw it at the store And I thought That's gay That's a gay name for an Apple

It's not gay It's fucking It is a gay name 100% It's a little audation Yeah. Cosmic Crisp. It's a little much.

It's a little quirk chungacy for me. It's a little, it's very quirk chungacy. I get it. Let's just truck call it that. But you're going to bite into a Cosmic Crisp and you're going to go, holy fucking shit, buddy. I can't get enough of these fucking things. Give it a try. Boss Hog for three.

I only give money on Fridays. Money, money, money, money. A precious Roy through two. Friday energy. Huge as for 10. As a child, I was terrorized by the free roaming neighborhood pitples that always chased and tried to me. I don't feel, I still don't like big dogs to this day. Bethelvania for five. Vito, you're just jealous of Averous because he can put out comics quicker.

Also, please bring Frogtony back so he can talk about piracy as a problem again. Look, Frogtony has said he will come on. I just don't know if that's a good problem. That guy, cynic was right. A good idea. I was mentioned. I was mentioned in the text, too much. I was mentioned. A lot. You were mentioned in ways. I did tune in a little bit. So you did watch it. And I watched, I didn't watch the whole thing. It was very long. I did tune in for a portion of it.

And I will say, if you're going to watch it, there's an Australian guy at one point that nearly ruins it. I turned it off for a little bit when he was on. He goes away though. Don't, don't worry about it. Power through it. But they should really kill that guy. Find him and don't ever let him stream again. But the rest of it

is gold. Well, Frog Tony really wants to do a show with me now and I really got to think that through. I'm kind of going, I'm going, Frogtony, I know you're looking for like a rebound plan on this one. I don't think, I don't think the Vito Avenue is going to pay off for it.

He wasn't anything before that. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm like, what are we going to what are we going to do? Yeah. He's like, it'll be great. Me and you will do a show and it was schizochshan will do a show with us.

I'm like, I don't. We'll play it by ear. We'll see what happens. I don't know. What are you going to call it? Kelly Bear and the Puffy Nips. I don't fucking know. Tummy Kisses Incorporated.

Belly Kisses Incorporated. He's got a long way back. He's got a long way back. He's got a long way back. There's no back. It's a long road back. To the top of the hill, the frog Tony Hill that he was at the top of, of course. Look, look, look, look.

Dick, does America love a comeback story or not? Come on. No. Like, for the amount that that whole sphere has made fun of Sturgis for being like a fucking creepy weirdo, the texts are infinitely worse than anything that Sturgis guy has ever done. Yeah. You don't have a good point. there.

Sturgis is like this fucking homunculus. Sturgis doesn't have a litany of embarrassing, ridiculous Ted. That's a good You lose a lot of credibility in a very short period of time. Yeah.

Yeah. Like I said, it's going to be a long road back to the top of the mountain. But I'm sure we're all in the audience of voting. rooting on frog Tony You guys should do a show Yeah it'd be great

We could talk about all The only fans girls We bought dinner for A real black guy for two It says release the frog Tony files I don't know where they are The guy said a cat down I don't know yeah you guys

You guys got to find them Age O for five Thing with the jerky and pizza reference constantly in the files There's a distinct lack of picture showing Epstein with his food How often do you take pictures of yourself eating beef jerky?

Here's me with some beef jerky Yeah. That's where you're taking the thing is, oh, if he's eating beef jerky all the time, where are the jerky pictures? You guys got to work a little harder on the conspiracy. Guys, he's running a blackmail operation. He doesn't need to be a cannibal. You see the CEO of Chuckie Cheese had to step down, though, because he was an Epstein guy.

Oh, really? Yeah, he was partying with everybody. Chuck? I don't think Chuckie himself was implicated. I think Chuckie's been a And they got Dave, but not Buster. Buster was good. Dave was a fucking creep.

That's why he killed himself. The guy that owns the company that takes all pictures of all kids at school day was on. I did see that. That's really fucking bad. That's the worst. The guy was in charge of the school photo like conglomerate

monopoly that takes all the school photos. That's like, that's the worst. He has a picture of every child in America. And their address and stuff? How are these people still alive? Like, honestly, how? I don't know, man. Well, you know, they have Mossad agents watching their backs, I'm sure.

I guess so. Yeah, everybody's implicated. We'll see. We'll see who else. I don't know how Jews are going to get around this one. I really don't. They always find a way. They always find a way.

They got to rebrand. They always find a way. They've done. done it before, you know? Just put on a new pair of sandals, find a new hat. You know, everybody likes a new hat. Oh, yeah, we're Christians.

We always wear these hats. We're Christians now, everybody. We hate... Jesus Christ. Says Vito stopped watching TNG when he became a man. Six Guns Shrey for 10. I've been watching the original biggest problem. Maddox is insufferable.

I don't know how you pretended for so long. I guess I'm a Vito fan. Shrug Sadface. Maddx, go blank yourself. Shrug Sadface. What is that? I don't know He typed it out

He didn't even use an emoji Shrug sad face What a What the hell? Leaning into it Is this like a discord Like O-Woo Happening here?

O-W-W? What do you call it? Oh man The text when the U-Ws died That was a sad part Of the Frogtony Was there some U-Ws in the Frogtony?

Was there some U-WU There was a lot of U-Ws From Dailish And then at one point There was no more U-Ws There's a lot Okay, here's again, it is fascinating. I thought Frogtoni only knew Dailish for like six months.

Yeah, didn't he? That relationship was not, she was like on his streams a couple times. There was like 500 pages of texts. Dude. Olli fans is a hard job. Well, I mean, for people who hate texting, for women, I'm sure it's a fucking dream. They're just on there texting all day. Texting a thousand people all day.

I hope she got some good meals out of it. The locks for two says Vito's B-O-O-B-S-look-N-N-T-D-D-N-E for five. When I went into labor, a woman was eating a whole fucking baguette of bread in the waiting room. Why are they bringing, like, full-on groceries to the hospital? I don't think you're allowed to eat in the hot. I wasn't allowed. You can't eat before surgery, so I don't know what's going on. I mean, you're not allowed to stand up and just swear and listen to music through your speakerphone either.

So somehow they are still doing that. Hey go for two Did Vito go to a joke Chinese Hospitare? Sounds like you Maybe I got Trolled Did they pee in your cuff?

Thank you I kept an eye on my Coke But I did drink the apple juice Without asking questions That was somebody's coke That was coke I got coked Coot for two

Thanks for not killing yourselves Stu K for two Biggest problem Friend Def Noodles is running for Congress Last time I tried to talk to deaf noodles was right after he tried to commit suicide or something.

I don't know exactly what happened there. But he seems, I think he's working for Keemstar now. Oh. So good for him. Hunter Wadley for a big 20. He says, Cheers, guys.

Thank you, Hunter. Gary smokes Oak for five. Vito, here's five for your hospital pain. Thank you very much. Lost bullets for five. Vito is a high functioning member of society.

I only donate to worthy causes like the Clinton Foundation. Man, you see Bill Gates, uh, wife being like, yeah, well, you know, what can you do about, uh, did you see the Epstein email where Epstein's like, hey, Bill, why are you trying to get me to fucking give your wife, uh, secretly, STD drugs secretly. Yeah. Yeah, fuck you, you fucking nerd. You know, I really hate his wife for the way she answered it. Like, they asked her, so what's the deal with Bill

Gates? She should have been more like, yeah, Bill Gates is a creepoid. Yeah. Yeah. She's got gonorrhea from this whole word. She's like, well, he's going to have. So, he's going to to have a reckoning. I'm like, man, I wish something worse to happen to you. Fuck you. I'm actually, I'm on Bill Gates's side now. Now I can see why he cheated on you. That's the moment you go, he slept with a 16 year old and got gonorrhea and he gave me gonorrhea and tried to secretly give me drug. I'm like, that's a good story. Yeah, that's what you said. Well,

he'll see what happens. You know, it's between him and he's going to have to come to terms with that. Oh, fuck you. Fucking bitch. I wonder what's going on. I think Don't they still kind of share that foundation or something? Every time you find yourself feeling bad for a woman, they do something like that. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Mr. Mrath for five. We love Vegas. Rise up Vito Nation. Six guns, Shrey for five. Also, did it end before Matt Lauer won the creep pool?

Can't believe I spent five to ask one. I'll know tomorrow. F. Maddox, I'm a veto file. I'm going to refresh here. The creep pool? Was that on your creep pool? Was Matt Lauer have any feet?

I don't remember a creep pool. Johnny Rockett for five says Vito survived his trip to the vet. Yay. Bethelvania for five says, How is the Superkler Scam fun when you cried on stream, wasted 100K on Mexican taco artist and perfect colors, and had Eric July

Lapu 100 times. He's making 100 books. He's making 100 books. Okay, Kuft for 50. Read for 50. Read page 4. All right. Where is page 4? Where is it? Someone in Discord. Koof, you're in the Discord. Why don't you link Dick to page four of the frog Tony text? Please me.

Hurry up. Sparta, Eternal Firtusa, Snapdragon apples are also amazing. Try them. Aklovich Fetu says, Cosmic crisps are mealy dog shit apples. That's a lie. They're not mealy.

It looks red like mealy. It is not mealy. It is not. It is not. Okay, it is no red delicious. Balder Fetuces, come, fart, poop ass. Guys, we're going to try. He doesn't even have it.

He doesn't have it. Who has it? Somebody give it to him. You had all this time to figure it out. Cardinal Bird for another two says, come fart, poop ass. Ranaxas for two says come fart poop ass. Guys, don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggest problem. Dot show.

Go to Patreon. We'll have a bonus episode this week. Yes, I could not record a bonus episode because I had a doctor's thing. We will record one next week. will be up. If you have any suggestions for a great bonus episode topic, leave them in the comments or let us know by sounding off on Twitter. We'd also like to pour out for our good friend Carl at WATP,

whose channel has been temporarily banned by comedian Whitney Cummings, who took issue with him. Banned him? Yep, she made fun of her podcast, and he was convicted of bullying on YouTube. Oh, what a fucking bitch. Wow. Yeah, that's not a good look.

WATP is currently down. Who are these pilots? Let's see if they're back up. I don't think they aren't. I think they're down for a week. Well, they might be back up now. Maybe they just can't post something new. I don't know exactly what happened.

Maybe he challenged it. But that did happen to our good friend WATP. I know Hackamania is coming up January, February, March. For all our Hackamania fans in the audience. I may be there. Coof. What's the deal? What's the deal, man?

I haven't decided. I don't have a hotel yet. I don't know. I might be there. I'm also going to MagicCon. Dick, you're going to go to MagicCon Vegas in May. No, I'm not going to that. Magicon?

It's going to be... Is there going to be a tournament there? Like literally three days of tournaments. You can choose which tournament you want to enter. Shit. And I signed up to play Mark Rosewater's secret new game, which I'm hoping is secret. secretly the My Little Pony TCG and I'm going to get a sick promo card.

There's a whole TCG of My Little Pony? They're working. Dude, Hasbro is killing it right now. Have you seen Hasbro stock? No. They just got the license to Harry Potter, which is making all the trans people who play Magic Furious. And they're currently on Twitter horrified at the idea that there might be a Harry Potter magic set. Yeah.

They've got K-pop demon hunter. So Hasbro's making big moves. They're a game or is it going to be a magic set? Well, dude, they're making all their money right now. They're at record profits because the magic... Did you see... You know, they did the Final Fantasy Magic cards? Yeah, they suck.

Fucking Square Enix came out, and they're like, our profit is up 50% from fucking magic cards, and we didn't even fucking make them. So Hasbro's just printing money. I don't know. Nobody cares about magic cards, but... I'm hoping that... I think that My Little Pony TCG is going to be...

It's a whole separate game for My Little Pony? Yeah, they're going to make a separate My Little Pony game. Trading cards are crazy right now. Have you seen the trading card market? I have seen it, yeah. Have they made a magic set for My Little Pony? Yes. Okay, you said it.

But they're not legal. All right. They made a promo set. They made a promo set. There's a bunch of My Little Pony promos. If anybody would like to buy a two of ten, Glenn Close as Nova Prime. If anybody really loves Nova Prime from the Guardians of the Galaxy movies.

Okay, Koof says. Let me know. What did Koofond? Did Koof did? Kofi did or not? It's on Jabe's manifesto. One, two, three, four. Uh.

Are you going to put this up? I don't got to put this up? I'm putting it up. All right. Yeah. Okay. Can you see it? I can see the top of a tweet.

Yeah. Well, this is, we could read up to here. I don't know. Are these all in order? This is page four. Well, she go through the... What the fuck? Okay.

Page 4, is this... You figure it out. I have no idea. I don't have no idea. I don't really know either. This is the star. There's a lot of talk about... I'm seeing talk about cum and boners.

Oh, yeah, buddy. Oh, there's lots of talk about... I'm gonna get another phone call from Frogtony after this episode. Uh... Oh, wait. I have to read this. Okay. Um, all right.

You have to read what? I have to read the Tony parts. And you're only reading... And I have to do... I have to be the girl? Yeah, we'll read the first four, apparently. Okay, so I'm the blue. You're the blue.

Okay, I'm the blue. Let me check in with Balder. Each page, yeah, okay. We'll read from zero to four then. Just for you. Okay. This is a $50. This is for Koof.

We're going to read the Frogtony text. Again, this is Frogtony communicating with Dalish. who is an only fan's model influencer of some sort. Creator. I heard it made my trip to work a lot better. Although everyone on the bus was probably wondering why I had a boner. That was terrible.

Public. Hold on. That's perfect. It's great. Better than public masturbation, right? Only if you get caught. And now I'm a half something. at work.

Keep reacting like that. I think he's got a boner at work. Oh, now I'm going to have a boner at work. Keep reacting like that, and I will have to put you over my knee and spank you, you naughty little elf. Oh! What's the job description? Don't want to commit myself to anything?

There are some light cooking, cleaning, open to being taken at my whims, and filled with calm. Ooh,ing. Okay. When petted. wooing when willing to watch TV laying next to me as I hold you and being cared for

clothing optional I gotta stop you for a second Frog Tony is like 45 years old At that age I don't think you're allowed to use wooing as a verb You shouldn't be using woo at all But you definitely shouldn't be

using it in this context you got a woo-woo when you're petted, Dick. You got to be woo-wooing one-petted. I mean, this is just, it's fine. So he wants her to be his living maid. He buys her food, and she's got a woo-woo. This is fine if you're fucking the girl. I want to repeat again.

You can't say this before you fuck. Yeah. Okay. If it's something you're having sex with. Then you can start talking about, if it's somebody will be taken in my wings and filled with cum. Do you think, dude, okay, is there any girl? Is this good, is this good sexy talk?

Yeah, yeah, yes, but not if you're paying them. Not if you're fucking paying them. Not if you're paying them and dangling like YouTube shows. Like, yeah, this is, you know, I'll make you a star, baby. Was that really part of it? I'm going to make you a YouTube star on the Frogtony Network? I don't think Daylish was falling for that. I think Daylish was going in for the free fucking chick flavor.

dinners. Like Randy from trailer park boys. That's concrete. That's real. That I can understand. Yeah. If Frog Tony started talking about fucking oohing my butt, I'd be upset. But if he sent me a cheeseburger afterwards, I'd go, yeah, I can live with this.

I can make this happen. Clothing optional. Yeah. I'd be okay with that. Clothing optional. Try working remote. Just to hope you can handle a job this big, especially. since it will have a lot of long

hard nights I'm doing the eye emoji she did a devil emoji and then she did an eyeball emoji I mean that man if you're getting look at this video okay watch watch this let me show you something okay okay see this August 7th

right had a boner LMAO right if she laughs at your boner that's not a good sign right not a good sign and then no text for the day A whole day goes by, and now I'm going to have a boner at work. Now I'm going to have a boner at work. You waited a day to say you're going to have a boner at work. At 6.30 a.m. he's going to have a boner at work.

And now you're spanking, and then it's the next day, right? Okay, wait, go back one. Go back one. Go back one. So he goes, and now I'm going to have a boner at work. She throws him the devil emoji, which is not a big reaction, really. It's kind of just like, oh, okay, it's not a lot. It's a brush off.

Tony immediately leans into the devil emoji goes, keep reacting like that. Keep reacting like that. It's been no reaction at all, so she barely reacted. You keep react like that. I'm going to have to put you over my knee and spank you, you naughty little elf.

So the cynic, that guy's cynic. You can't follow up an emoji with that kind of energy. That's not an emoji follow up. Yeah, that was too big. You went too big off an emoji. That guy's cynic. Too big.

He reads the whole. thing and he was doing this like every three texts no matter what they're talking about every three texts Tony will bring his his dick back into it or his sex or some kind of like some kind of aggressive double entendre like this and that guy cynic would always go my dick every time he did it it's really funny it's really funny because now when I read it I just hear his voice in my head going my dick it's totally true she's talking about like her cat dying or something He's like, oh, yeah, well, you know, take your mind off. Oh, you know, I had a bore the other day.

Cat reminds me a pussy, and I'd stick my dick in your pussy. How about that? Some guys really, like, you know what? That's like a brain rot, is if, like, you're flirting with a girl, but you can't stop bringing up the obvious fact. You're like, you got to get in. You got to be like, yeah, what are you doing? You've been watching Game of Thrones.

Yeah, how's your cat doing? You got to, like, feign a little bit of interest. You can't just go, hey, if I buy you a cheeseburger, can I see your titty? He's like, that doesn't get you anywhere. Have you heard of my dick? What do I have to do to talk you into this dick? Because remember, women don't want to have sex ever. You know, it's a trick.

They want the money and the cheeseburgers. So it's a little dance you got to do. Now, this can't be all of them because this is all, like, edited out. I know. Well, they're not in order. That's the problem. He keeps, what is these spanking? A lot of spanking references.

Here we have these Simpsons. That's a paddling me. Don't use Simpsons memes if you're talking about you're going to fuck a woman. Well, if you're talking about sexy time spanking, you don't send a, you don't send a, you don't send a Simpsons memes for that. Let's see. Don't use the old man being a substitute teacher. Yeah, that's not sexy. You better believe that's a paddling.

Do you know how hard it was for me to sleep last night, the winky face? Um, very hard. Devil, or angel emoji tongue sticking out? What? I had to wait 20 minutes for my morning piss. Before his morning piss? I think he's talking about you had it for my morning piss. Wait, wait.

Is he saying he had a piss boner? For 20 minutes? So he had some, okay. So he had one of those situations where he had a boner and he couldn't piss because of the boner. That's not erotic. No, not at all. No girl wants to hear about a piss boner. That's like, that's fucking sexting 101 is the piss boner does not enter into it ever. I had to, I had to hold my dick over the toilet seat when I took a shit this morning because I had such a large erection. You gave me such a boner that I needed to go pee-pee and I couldn't go pee-pee

because of the boner. That's like, dude, you never bring up the piss-boner, the girl. She doesn't need to know about the piss boner at all. I know she gave you a little crying, laughing emoji, but that was like, oh my gosh, this guy really talking about a piss bono right now? That's crying from laughing. That's like, whoa.

I don't think I didn't see, and I don't think I didn't see that tweet you made. All that elf. Peach. Does that mean ass? And don't. Yeah, all that elf is. Corrected his spelling. Don't think I didn't.

Okay. Her elf is. And don't, and I. And I don't think I didn't see that tweet you made. Dot, dot, dot, dot. All that elf, uh, peach emoji. Hmm. And don't.

Yeah, we need the whole thing. I don't want a bunch of clips. You said you were an ass guy, peach shrug. So it was put up for me. Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Dalish? Bro, that reference is old even for you. Here's to you, Mrs. Dalish. You must have been flicking the beauty.

You're puffy nips Puffy nips You are my Kelly bear Da da da da da So it was put up There you guy goes Somebody run with that So he thinks that she posted

A picture of her body For him Because he reacted to it And she said You said you were an ass guy Wow Man He was saying that was for me

It wasn't for all the guys Following you on Twitter I was an ass You knew I was an ass guy You're putting that up there for the frogman. You said, I'm going to make it impossible for this fucker to piss. This guy's

not going to be pissing. He's not going to piss for the rest of his life. Anytime soon. Because I'm going to give him a boner that will not allow him to piss. Bam. He then says, Dick, I think you need this second one here. No, no, go back. You missed one.

Yeah. I clicked and it went away. All that. And don't think I didn't see it. All that Elfass. So it was put up for me. Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Zalish? You must have been flicking the bean so much after we hung up. You can just leave the period off of that.

You don't need to punctuate that sentence. I have never said flicking the bean to a girl. That is like, that's crazy. You must have been flicking the bean. You don't talk, okay, pick a lane. All right, again, you're being like a little

assertive or whatever, but now you're being like a, you're talking to her like a frat boy. Yeah, you must have been You must have been flicking that bean, girl. You've been flicking that bean. Time to be flicking that bean. Why must you have been flicking the bean? Well, it says after we hung up, so there was some sort of phone conversation.

Oh, here's one for you. If I'm awake, I'll do it. Otherwise, you'll know I nap the day away, lull. I try not to do that, but it happens. Napped is just code for masturbated Listening to my videos until you passed out See it, my dick M-Dick

She was listening to the Frogtony show and could not Stop flicking the bean Asking a woman to not be indecisive I just want to be sure We both know where we stand I like you and think your crazy meshes well with my crazy Embarrassed emoji

Okay, this is horrible. All of this is horrible. You guys, we are not doing this bit again. I can't even like process half this shit. Elf ass, flicking the bean, piss boners. I got it. I got it. I got it all.

They had a ton on the cynics show. Well, I'm going to say also you guys need to put this in an easily digestible format where we're not skipping around trying to figure out what's hiding behind time stamps. All I can say is Daelish. I hope you got a couple good meals out of it. And Frog Tony, I hope your path back to the top of the mountain is as smooth as a winner luge. You're going to be riding high.

Everybody loves a comeback. It's going to be good. You got to like pick, like see the league that you're in, though. Yeah. And don't go outside of it. That's like a mistake. When in, oh, okay, look, I've dealt with the. I'm not going to like go into detail,

but I've had the only fans girl be like, oh my God, we should like hang out. And I'm like, you're fucking around. She's like, no, no,

like you're really cool. And I'm like, I'm a big fat piece of shit. I'm not retarded. No, we should collab. We should collab. It'll be fun.

I'm like, I'm going to go fuck fat bitches. Like, come on. Don't, I'm not that stupid. What do you, what do you want here?

You know? It's easy to, you figure, You figure certain things out in life. Okay, when your front teeth both get knocked out, you go, I don't think this only fan's girl half my age wants me to dump coming her ass. I just don't think she wants it.

You know, you go, I'm gonna, okay, I'll say this. You can give it like a 5%, you know, like maybe, like, maybe she's fucking insane or her uncle raped her in a specific way that made her want this, you know? There's tons of ugly guys that live right down the street. Yeah. They're not importing them. Right. It's possible she was sexually abused in a very specific way that makes her attracted to amphibian men or whatever.

Yeah. But the chances are no, probably not. Yeah. All right. Well, there you go, everybody. That's the show. We've learned a lot, guys. Do we get more super chats or now?

We probably got a couple more super chats. Why don't we check real quick? Our good friends, of course, saying, come fart, poop ass. Here's a little something from you. We have the Pope for five. Vito, can you tell Pum to stop being? me into Cardinal and Shoebox, come fart, poop ass. On the John for two says

crimfart poop ass. Six Gun, Shrefer 5 says I spelled out shrug whatever, sad face because I couldn't figure out what part of my offensive chat wasn't letting me post you phallix and coup for two says thank you Frogtony for not killing yourself.

All right, goodbye. Well guys, we're on all the problems at biggest problem. Show. New bonus episode next week, patreon.com slash biggest problem. Check me out on what not where I'm selling magic cards and whatnot. com slash invite slash veto and dick you'll have the dick show this weekend yes yeah all right check that out thanks strategic take care yourself believe in the me that believes in you and again just kind of look at the girl who's texted you and say does this make a lot of sense or not

really much sense does it does it does it does it am i just kind of buying her stuff i think our crazies mesh well together i think our crazies go well uh right Bro, that's like... You're so hot, I can't even pee right now. You know what? You can't even... If you weren't so hot, I'd be pissing up a storm right now. James Bond is using that...

Oh, hello. I saw you from across the room. I haven't been able to pitch all night. It's not a good line. It doesn't... Not a good line. Yeah, not a good line. Oh, you know, all night I've been needed to take a pisha, but once I saw you...

I can't squeeze out of the show. That was off the No, no, no piss boner stuff. It's not, it's just, uh, I had to wait 20 minutes. I got to appreciate the creativity. I've never heard that line. You know, you're so fucking hot. I can't even piss right now.

I can't even piss straight. I can't even piss right. If anything, I got to appreciate the creativity. That's a unique one. All right, guys. See you next week, baby. on a bus. Goodbye.