The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 221

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

That doesn't work either, does it? You need a third song. I need something in the middle. That didn't work, did it? You need like a little, yeah, none of that worked at all. None of that work. Did you hear the little, well, did you hear the gay little music that plays along with that 30-second thing you put up there? Yeah.

Did you hear that? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I try it. I try to get rid of it, but I'm like, doesn't really fit the tone of the show. No, I know. That was even worse than last week. You know, it's good to just experiment.

We should definitely spend the next several months experimenting with the beginning of the interview. Someone needs to just make it for me. How about this? Did you see this? Hello, I noticed you across the room. Did you see that one? Hello, I noticed you across the room and I haven't been able to piss all night when I saw...

Did you see that one? He couldn't piss. That was pretty good. Guys! I was pretty excited about that. This is big news. This is big news. Vito.

Oh, no. Oh no. Vito. Yeah. Are you sitting down? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Can you sit lower? Can you sit lower down?

I don't, because you're going to fall out of your chair. When I give you this news, you want to be sitting low. Like one of those beach chairs. They go all the way down to the ground so your butt feels the sand when you sit in it. Yeah, the low beach chair. It's big comics news. Eric July's friend said the name of his company on Joe Rogan's podcast, Vito. I did.

Do you realize what this means? That means every millions of people heard that Eric Jalot heard, listen to this, listen to this, listen to this. I saw people tweeting about it. I said, I assumed Joe Rogan didn't suddenly go, you guys listen to you guys read these ripaverse comics. Beto, this is... I assume that was... This is gonna blow it out. You, BTFO, me, BTFO.

I'm excited. The throat goat. Ethan Van Schuyver. BTFO. Eternally. Destroyed. Destroyed. Just imagine.

Imagine how many millions of people just heard that you don't have to go through D.C. or Marvel to publish comic books. That was the plug. I mean, when you want to sell comics, where do you go? You go on the Joe Rogan show, obviously. Bro. All the top Marvel guys are on there. All the Batman guys are always on there. They're going, Rogan, I got to tell you, we got a great Batman coming.

That's millions. This is going to be huge. How many, what do you think, how much of his audience do you think is going to go check it out? Maybe half, 50%. I mean, I know when I'm listening to my favorite male-centric comedy podcast. Yeah. What's this about not having to go through Marvel or? DC? Holy shit! I don't have to go through Marvel or DC!

That was my biggest problem this whole time is I'm fiending for comics, but I don't want to go through Marvel or DC, malice! You fucking idiot? Not that they're good, but that you don't have to go through Marvel or DC? Who is this ad for? So who was on the show with Rogan? Who was it? Some sort of clown with face paint. I don't know who it was... He had face paint on, so I assume it was some kind of a clown. Some kind of a clown. I mean, I saw a bunch of tweets. Hold on, it was Geeks and Gamers wrote an article about it. Did you read the article?

I can't read. I'm too stupid. That's why I'm never going to be mentioned on Joe Rogan with a filling guest. Do you want to break down from geeks and gamers? I have the article here. We have to make it a problem if we're going to break it down. It has to be a problem. Okay.

Well, is it a problem or not? I don't know what happens. Shitty shoutouts. Shitty shoutouts is the problem. shitty shoutouts. Go ahead. Read it. Here, put it up on the screen real quick. We can look at the, uh, is this Joe Ro-Roh- My tits are sizzling. This image made it seem as if Eric July was there with Joe Rogan.

He's stealing the microphones with a Joe Rogan compound. Well, dude, it says River version Eric July, I get massive shout on the Joe Rogan experience, and you have Joe Rogan speaking in the image. So I'm like, I feel like you're trying to mislead me into believing that Joe Rogan was talking. about Eric July, which I am sure didn't happen. You know how much money like luxury like luxury cars spend

on making customers feel like what they bought wasn't a waste? That's what this is. Tell me Eric didn't do his typical gracious Negro thing where he goes he's got a well you know where he's got to go you know hey I heard we got a big shout out on

Joe Rogan. I just want to respect Joe. You know he's always been the game. He always does that. He always does that. He's got a peeping game. Game recognizes the peeps of games. He immediately has to start sucking dick of like anyone who says anything about him.

He goes, yeah, I heard about that. You know, Joe Rogan's been, I've been a big fan for a long time. All right. I'm Beezer. I'm Beezer here. Joe Roggerda. He B. Say is my name.

Bees says. He Bsaysays my name, BCs. All right. Well, this is for. from Marvin Montanaro. Eric July and the Riververse just got a shout out on the biggest podcast on the planet. Shoutouts. Huge shout out.

Do you know how many topics come up on Joe Rogan and you don't, like, here's the thing is most people don't, you know, if you mentioned on Joe Rogan, you go, ah, that's pretty cool they were talking about me. You don't have your friends write a fucking article about how your name came up for two seconds on a fucking podcast. Vito, it's the most important. It's kind of embarrassing. It's the most important thing.

Do you know, do you know, do you know some of the people that Joe Rogan has mentioned on his podcast? Have you heard of Albert Einstein? Joey Diaz, Albert Einstein. I mean, you're right up there, baby. Have you heard of the sun? That's something that Joe Rogan has mentioned on this podcast. Have you heard of pizza?

That's what Joe Rogan make. He's the kingmaker. Well, Eric Chulay got a shout out. During episode 2457, Michael Malice brought up Eric Chillon The RIPAverse is a prime example of independent creators. Oh, man. This is topical shit, man.

Independent creators, this is topical fucking shit. What is more topical than independent creating and going outside the system in 2026? Well, maybe it's a good shoutout. You're saying the problem is shitty shoutouts. Shitty shoutouts. Let's hear it. I mean, here's why it's a shitty shoutout. Why?

Is this at the two hour 40s? minute mark of a two hour 41 minute podcast. That's right when it gets good man. That's right when it gets good. That seems like the worst part to get. That's what everyone's already tuned up. Guy in July, who has this whole kind of empire. He did a Kickstarter. He made like a million for

his first one. He called it a Kickstarter. And now they're at a point where you don't have to go through DC or Marvel to produce your product. So I'm super excited about it. Again, I started this in 2000. And now it's finally 26 years later,

coming to fruition. Awesome. Unwantedbook.com. All right. I'm just really... Can you play... Okay. It's very intense.

Can you play... Can you take the filter off his voice? Can you play it again with seriously, though? Oh, you don't want the... You put some kind of... The weird, creaky...

You put some kind of a 70-year-old homosexual woman... Yeah, filter on there. Filter on there. Can you take that off, please? Play it seriously. Hold on. Let me see what I can do here. Don't...

Screw it around. What I... I was at Gold's. And I had basically what was the opposite of a nervous breakdown where all the... Well, that makes me want to buy a comic book. You know, it's a good shout-out when he goes, you know, my friend he made this comic book. And I was at the gym and I had a nervous breakdown 26 years ago. I go, that's a good sales pitch.

You don't have to go through Marvel and DC. If you were thinking that in order to shit, you had to shit through a Marvel or DC toilet, you don't. You can shit in any toilet that you want. You could shit out in the street. You don't have to go through Marvel or DC. You can shit anywhere. Anywhere. You can shit all over the place.

I got to give this Martin Manta Negro guy a shout out for figuring out how to make this whole thing into an article. Huge shout. There's more of an article? The clip doesn't speak for itself. Some of him made this whole article. All right. Here's the quote. For those who didn't hear the quote, there's a guy named Eric July who has this whole kind of empire.

he did a Kickstarter he made like a million it's called the ripaverse the m stands for moron it's an empire it's an empire that he has for ninkum poop and now they're at a point where you don't have to go through

DC or Marvel to produce your product you know because like independent comics did not exist didn't exist at any point before DC or Marvel when you wanted to make a comic made you had to go to DC or Marvel it was it was

is literally impossible to make it. Yes. Yes. But here's what I'm excited about is that he's given us, in case we're wondering, why does this Ripper versus Joe Shoghugan shoutout matter? Yeah, it's key. He has a section of the article called Why This Ripaverse Joe Rogan shoutout matters to help us. You're cool.

Because you're cool, Sturgis. You got a shout out on Joe Rogans. The Joe Rogan experience is not just a podcast. It's a lifestyle. It's arguably the single biggest long-form entertainment platform in the world. It's a platform. It's a NASCAR hybrid event. That's what it is.

It's like the star-spangled banner and lasagna in one. Well, here's the thing, man. When something gets mentioned on the Joe Rogan experience, and I don't know if you're aware of this, it enters the mainstream conversation. It's in the conversation. It's mainstream. Tomorrow, mainstream. First, it's Joe Rogan. Then you're going to have a.

Jimmy Fallon on TV going You heard about this Ripaverse guy huh? What's the deal with River? What's the deal?

The comics outside the system. How do you write How do you turn that quote into a whole fucking article Because you are a fucking idiot Well

it's the It's the future Oh he's also the editor-in-chief of that park place The one that says everything at Disney's gay. I love these guys, man. The Monopoly Place? No, yeah, well, it's like they have their own, like, Disney spin-off website where every article's just like, look at the gay shit at Disney this week.

And I'm like, man, you guys, you got a good brand going. I'm not going to lie. There's a lot of gay shit at Disney. You're never going to run out of gay shit to complain about at Disney. So that's like a good, I get it. All right, let me play the theme song, too. I'm learning a lot. Alright, so I gotta start like, biggest.

Go faster. Problem! Yeah. In the universe. Oh, welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from cars with stop and start motors to unidentified voters. I mean, how it's Dick.

I mean, he's always these woldies. What's up? Hi, Dick. What's up? What's up? What's your favorite Red Bull? Hold on. Yeah, that's pretty good.

What's my favorite Red Bull? Yeah. Monster. I got two monsters in the other room. Oh. Do you want to go get them or something? I got a mini problem. Okay.

Do you want to... Should I do it right now? Yeah. Discontinued drinks. Oh. Did I bring this up already? No. I've been swilling that Jake Paul energy drink, that fucking prime shit.

Why are you been drinking that? I hate to say it. Because it tasted good and it was 10 calories a can. All right? Okay. Yeah. And the other day I go, oh, I'm out of my Jake Paul energy slop. Yeah.

Time to order more. And I go and they're like, there's no more. No more. And I go, what do you mean? There's no more. They go, we only have the shit flavor. We took the good flavor, the one good flavor, which was the lemon lime. That's gone.

Now all we got is fucking the sugary dog shit flavor is like ice. Like, like, rocket pop. Ice shit. Yeah, exactly. Icicle dog shit or whatever. Black guy. And I got, now I got to find another drink. I was drinking like one of those a day.

One or two of them a day. Ten calories. Ten calories. Can we get an over under on what it actually was in the chat? Two. Two. How many fucking energy drinks are we going to drink a day? I don't know.

So now I got to find a new energy drink and I went to the store and I just keep buying them and they keep sucking. And then I bought this one. You need like an e-celebrity. though. You need an energy drink that talks about your lifestyle. I need a celebrity. Well, I got the yellow red bowl and I'm drinking it and I'm going, hey, this is pretty good. And I looked and I'm like, oh, this is one of the ones that has like a shit ton of sugar

in it. I thought this is one of the sugar-free ones. It's not. I'm basically drinking milk. I'm basically drinking a milk. This has got as much sugar as a glass of milk right here. Why don't you switch to a white monster? That's what you got to do. White monster. I'll try the white monsters. White monster. White monster's a good one. It looks like one

piece. Okay, but here's the problem is like, can you just give me an idea when I'm buying? Here's the other bonus part of the problem. Okay. Is like, flavors used to be orange, grape.

Yeah. You know? Now it's like, Blue. Ultimate Tropical explosion. And I'm like, well, I can, that would even I could guess.

I go, okay, travel, maybe like orange or pineapple or something. Another one will just be like, White heat. Glacier. Yeah. What the fuck is a glacial? It's refreshing. It's refreshing as fuck.

It's refreshing as a glacier. You shouldn't be, look, if you have a problem with the names, you shouldn't be drinking this stuff. They're not for you. They're for people who want to get hyped up at the names. Well,

this tastes really good because now I kind of want to get more of these. But again, it's a shit ton of sugar in it. You want an energy drink that's named like Daria. Or weird anime energy drink. Hyson Coe or something. What's that company? There's that company that makes fucking a anime energy shit.

It's all like Wifu Barry. Ew. I tried some of... I tried some of a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's got like naked anime chicks on the... Uh-oh-Bowberry Wifu tub, the Wifu tub. Ugh.

Maybe that's what I got to get. From Gamer Sups. You got to get Gamer Pussy. Energy drink. Here, have you seen this company real quick? No. They're the leading... Maybe this is what I need in my life.

Is the Gamer Sups... uh energy explosion welcome to gamer subs never miss a drop Vita is gonna go out this is gonna this is gonna be done too this is not gonna last bunch of jack-off they got blowhole blasts they got brand risk this is a lady with the pretty chits. Titties and here all right this is gonna be my flavor Biberi it's got a big Bowerberry naked Bowerberry and look she's why does it look like creeteen why is it in like a little like a little like a little

Like a little jam bottle. You got to, you like, you got to like mix it yourself. You got to mix it yourself. So. You have to mix it yourself like Kool-Aid? Yeah, it's like Kool-Aid powder with like naked anime women on it. You should be arrested if you order this at your age. Hey, look, they got a melatonin.

This is what you, this is what you give to. Is this what Kethels was selling that everyone was so upset about? Yeah, yeah. Lily's Lullaby Hot Coco, Sleep support with melatonone. Sleep support. Rape support. I'm going to put this out there, GamerSups. If you're looking to sponsor a podcast,

I need a tub of Lily's Lola Bye, AFK Hot Coco, please. Don't send me this shit. Don't send this shit to my... Send it to Vito. No, no, no, no. Send it to both of us because we both need Fefe's dirty little secret. What is this crap? It's Gigi energy.

It's dirty little secret water. Why is there a fucking... ass there. It would be a good name for a fucking energy company. That's the energy drink company I want to be. Welcome to pornography water. What kind of person buys this shit? What kind of person buys Kool-Aid with a naked whore on the covers? Well, this is what can't turn.

This is the future of Kool-Aid. You got to put fucking. No, this is not the future Kool-Aid. Whoa, whoa, whoa, go back to that one. Well, this one is this like milk flavored? She's got like a cowgirl thing on. It better be watermelon. Plowed and proud.

There's apples back here. You got your Koolet got fucked? That's what it is? What flavor is that? This is a crisp cran apple rhubarb flavor. Why don't they make it watermelon flavor? Dick, one out of ten orders will get a limited edition a Gamer tub.

So you don't know if you're going to get the regular. I don't want the Gamer tub. Is this the limited edition? I think this is the regular one. Get out of here. I got comments to read. This has to be the limited edition, right? All right.

Well, don't you get it right there? Like, isn't looking at it there enough? It says it's keto friendly. Keto friendly. Who is doing Keto buying pornography water? Please sponsor the podcast. We need pornography water on this show. Here's the winners.

No voter ID. That was you. And then giving money to rich people second place. Hey, everybody came around on that. one. I'm seeing everybody on Twitter copying my take on that now. Finding out that guy had a $4.7 million ranch and they're going, wait, why are we giving

him money? Yeah. Hospitals are not a luxury experience. That was you also. That's true. And then automatic start and stop on cars. It's dead last. No one cares. None provided. Says like an old

dog. Vito is ridden with cysts. Black Angus reviews Vito, milk, sugar is bad. Also, Let me recover from surgery with Arizona tea and cheese puffs. Enormous king crab. I'm eating in a day. Enormous king crab says rip to the guy who won the card he's never going to get. Jay Bung says Vito really is Danny DeVito of Matilda with his scams, dialing back the metaphorical speedometers on his whatnot streams.

That was a memorable scene. I always remember that scene. I always go, can you actually do that? You ever look up if you can actually do that? like spin the dial backwards well he had to like hook it up to a drill remember oh they don't work like that not new cars yeah they used to I think I don't think any well I don't think they ever did I think that was invented for the movie

but it was it was always like very memorable we're like oh that's clever uh... Anthony Vee hell yeah Vito walking home from surgery Lowell Narlie Hell yeah Aaron Harver Vito's not filming cornboys because he's too busy putting his comic out La Jawa says the Frogtony text reading bit is absolutely the best bit the remote show has ever had. Do more. That's up to you guys. The sound engine says the description of Sturgis being a hymunkilus was hilarious and apt. Erb Beta Patch says, I know what surgery veto had. It was a can't release super killer physical edictomy. I had one in grade school. I'm glad you got through it. You had a can't release Super Killer Physical Edition.

So they pulled that out of you. In grade school. Yeah, he pulled it out. He had that, and he had it also pulled out. I can't release it pulled out. Hey, what did happen to your finger? Oh. What did happen to my finger? A little finger pain incident.

I did have a finger pain incident. Oh, I grabbed, I was in a hurry, and I, you know how like your razor will get hair stuck in and it stops working. No, please tell me you didn't. What? You know, like a face razor.

You tried to pull fucking hair out of the razor with your bare finger? If you take the razor that's got like five blades. Oh, dude, what are you doing?

It works. If you take the razor has five blades and you just go like, and you just go, you go like down the razor, right?

Yeah. The blades are pointing one way, so you go with the blades. Sure. And you put. and you go with the blades. Okay, I had it upside down because I hadn't shaved in a long time.

I had it upside down and I... Are you fucking kidding me? No. So you tried to get hair out of a razor and you scraped against the... I just went... I just like embedded my finger in it and it went... God damn it.

Yeah. So now I got two fingers down. Well, now I never want to take hair out of the razor again. How did you get it upset out? How did you get it upset out? What are you talking about? How did I have an upset down? What got a razor?

you have? A mock 10. Do you have one with like, do you have one with like two two handles? I have Harry's promo code biggest. I get five buttons off.

It only goes one way. Why did I have it? I forget why. I think I dropped it and then saw that there was Harry and I was like, I'll get that right out. Oops. I'll get there. Fuck.

Oh. And I was like, well, it's not bleeding that bad. So I'll just take a shower. And then why when I got out of the shower is like, blah. It's like, all right. Yeah, dude. I mean, if you got one of those five bladers. All right, well, at least you didn't

at least you didn't shear your finger off. That's what's important. And I got these cool band-aids. See? What's on them? Colors. Like tie-dye. They're all-s.

You got to get the Pokemon ones. Dorn says, so the second nurse left you up and left At second nurse, so the second the nurse left you up and left the hospital, but now you're complaining that they didn't explain enough to you. Am I hearing this right? Yeah, I think I was supposed to call the doctor this week to follow up, and I don't know how to do that because I lost the paper with his information. I could listen. Reverend Means says I could listen to a whole other show, just talking about Michael Crichton books. I grew up on them. Vito even has read Travels. That was the name of his little biography. thing, yeah.

Yeah. It's a good book. It was interesting. Short. Racing Thoughts says, Vito, the point of the ring ad is to make women who are afraid of losing their dogs buy, not to save dogs.

What are you talking about? Did you know that? That was from the spying on, does that make women want to get a ring camera in case their dog goes missing? Yeah, women are basically basically just pretty much obsessed with dogs.

Right. they will this they all of them they don't tell you but they spend about an hour every day looking up who lost their dog on next door is the dog recovered uh and can i comment on it like i hope at this point it seems like the only reason next door exists so i can get 20 emails a day yeah lost dog anybody see my dog and then like two hours later like i found him a dog i'm like all right yeah that's this platform serve any other fucking purpose at all no no Just people lying about why they need a place to stay really fast. Like, oh, can you? I'm not crazy.

I didn't fuck up. I need a place to stay really badly. Well, yeah, it's always great. I guess I should just turn off the notifications. But every day I got to have like eight pictures of a fucking missing cat or dog in my inbox. And I'm like, I don't know. I feel guilty turning off. I'm like, well, what if I see that fucking cat?

And then I'm like, I'm never going to see that. I don't know where that dog is. Just go on there and call someone inward, and they'll fix the problem for you. Just go, fuck you, and then wake up, problems is gone. Then you're just banned from next door. It's not a bad plan. Okay. Well, my problem is, my problem is windshield wiper timing.

Come on, man. You got windshield wipers? You should be able to fine tune it. You should have a little accelerometer or whatever that lets you pick the exact speed. And frequency. Who's designing these cars? It's obvious. It's obvious that's what should happen.

There's no way that that's, there's no way that that's that expensive to put a little knob in there to go up. Yeah. Like the setting between, like the first two settings on the windshield wiper, I don't know how many there are because I've never been past the second setting. It's between the first one, which gives you one wipe like every 10 minutes and then the second one. which gives you like three wipes a second. That's what I have had. That's what I have in my car, and I've had in every single car I've ever owned.

That's where the whole, that's all you need. Just cut that in half and give me that. That's the problem. It's never, it's always, it's too fast. Yeah. Yeah. And I start squeaking. It's a little too fast sometimes.

Exactly. And I can see it disintegrating in front of me as it goes back and forth. I'm like, it's too dry. Fucking dis, I can see. see it right now. Re, is waking the baby up. I got to replace my wipers. I went to the, I was so excited.

I was at Costco going down the aisles and they're like, we got windshield wipers. And I'm like, all right. Whoa. Let's go, baby. I need a new pair of wipers because they're getting loose. Yeah. And then I look up on my phone. I'm like, what size wiper blade?

It goes on a Honda element. Oh, good luck. And they go, you need a, you need a 15, buddy. And I'm like, all right, a 15. I can get a 15. And then I look at the wipers and they're like, here's the 13s. I'm like,

all right, don't need those. And they go, here's the 17s. And I'm like, don't need those. I went too far. I'm looking between them and I'm like,

cock sucking motherfucker. There's a Z between them. How is there a Z? Anytime. I need one fucking thing. And I know it's probably, I don't know what I... You got to jump through like Harry Potter.

That's to go into the Harry Potter magical wipe land. I was probably being gangstocked is what it was. I think I'm being gangstocked. Do you ever see those guys who think they're being gangstacks? Well, yeah, well, they filmed themselves going to the grocery store. Oh, yeah. The video goes, I love it.

The video goes like this. They go, so I come to the grocery store to get Diet Dr. Pepper. Yeah. And obviously my gangstockers got here before I did, because look at this. And then they cut to the shelf and everything's there except the Diet Dr. Pepper. And you go, well, on one hand, you know, probably is a coincidence. But on the other hand, maybe this guy is like, you know, before he goes out to the store, they're like, he's coming.

We know he's out at Diet Dr. Pepper. Yeah, get rid of the doctor Pepper. We got to, we got to lock this guy out. The best one I ever saw, though, was the Diet Dr. Pepper guy. He goes, just another day in the life of being gangstocked. He walks outside and a plane flies overhead. And he goes, fucking Skystockers. And I go, man, it's got to be like fucking pretty cool to spend all day being like,

every single thing that happens is perfectly timed to wait. All right. He's coming out of the store. He's going to be out of the store in five minutes. So you've got to take off from the airport right now. So the second he steps outside, he's got to momentarily annoyed by a plane flying overhead. Like, it's perfectly time just to fuck with him. How many people are being gangstocked in any given moment?

A whole lot. A whole bunch. Do you think it's like hoarders where there's like millions of people that are like, are being gangstocked? Or think they're being gangstocked? I don't know how we've never got. like a like a reality show following these guys because okay the best TV show would be

to find one of these gangstock guys and then actually gangstop the shit out of them and see if they can catch you. And like stop all this weird shit. Yeah. Like just have a clown run by their house in the middle of the fucking night. They're like, I definitely saw a fucking clown, you know?

That's like a Nathan for you episode. If it was good instead of like he's trying to like fix flying like okay, dude, gay. They do to do more with conspiracy theorists and gangstocker guys. Like, it's just rife for opportunity. Yeah. I don't know why they don't do more with those guys.

Pit him against each other. Like, make them gangstack each other. Well, people don't understand it because, like, I'll see the, you ever see the videos of the lady who goes up to, like, the post office guy who's delivering mail? And she's like, I know what you're doing. And he's like, what? She's like, stop following me. And he's like, bitch, I'm just delivering mail or whatever.

But all the comments are like, oh man, what a Karen. I'm like, no, that's a lady with schizophrenia, you retard. It's like normal people can't wrap their head around the craziness of these people. So they're like, oh, yeah, just like, what a bitch. Entitled white bitch. And you're like, no, she's schizophrenic lady. That's old problems. Yeah.

They can't like, dude, they can only process it through this weird lens of like, oh, that's just white privilege or some shit. Yeah, exactly. She's Karen Maxis. Oh, man. Dude, there's so much of that where I'm like, there's just videos of like clearly, okay. Did you watch the guy who bought? Yeah, that's why we don't have insane asylums anymore. Because people are like, what a Karen?

Like, no, she's insane. Did you see the video of the guy who bought the Pokemon card for like $16 million? Wasn't he somebody's son? Somebody's kid? Anthony Scaramucci's kid. Remember Scaramucci? Yeah, yeah. The, like, the White House Secretary or whatever.

And everybody's, like, speculating. And they're going like, well, maybe he's a savvy investor or, you know, he's got all these, like, big plans. And you're watching the video of him. I'm like, no, he has a clear mental illness. Oh, no. Like, dude, that's why it's so awkward when, like, Logan Paul's like, hey, man, great purchase. And I'm like, dude, you are taking advantage of, like, a dude who's clearly suffering some sort of, like, mental ailment right now. Again.

That's, like, the family business. Yeah, he's, like, a weird. I think he's, like, manic because his explanation was he's, like, he's, like, he's, like, Like, I'm going to set up a worldwide treasure hunt. And there's going to be the Pokemon card. And I'm going to get a T-Rex skeleton. And I'm going to get the Declaration of Independence. And I went, oh, you just scammed an insane person out of $16 million.

And you're all congratulating each other. That's gettable. You can get it. But like, the way he's describing it, I'm like, dude, this guy's in like some sort of fucking manic episode going, I'm just going to spend all of my dad's millions of dollars buying a T-Rex skeleton. And then the world will love me. And I'm like, this is not a big... There's a thing with treasure hunt guys.

You know? Like, guys who want to make... When we had a treasure hunt guy, how's that guy doing? I don't know. Probably great. But they, like, they're driven by, like, they're driven by an unseeable force to make treasure hunts for other people. And I don't...

It's really, like, it's cool, but... Yeah. I guess I can kind of tap into it a little bit. Like, I think, like, huh, I can put myself in, like, a... a treasure hunt hunter guy, but I would never do it. You know what? There are guys, you're right. It's like this weird obsession with the idea of

a treasure hunt. But it's like, I've got to make a, I live. Therefore, I must make a treasure hunt. The only reason we're on this planet obviously is to engage in treasure hunts. What is the deal? I don't know. Dude, I want to find an interview with

the guy, because the guy of Scare Mooch, Mooch's kid. Yeah. Scaramucci or whatever. I'm like, dude, this is like an insane person who just spent $16 million on this. Did you see the video of him getting the

necklace or whatever? Like getting it put on him? No. All right, hold on. I'm going to see if this video shows it. So Logan Paul sold his stupid necklace trading card for $16 million. The guy who bought it was there with him. Oh, is this not

the video of him putting it on? All right, hold on one second. Like the most expensive. $16.5 million for a Pokemon card. It's not even a 10. It doesn't even look like a 10. No, it's not a 10 at all. This is the guy who bought it. Uh-oh.

And he's Anthony Scaramucci's kid. Yeah. And dude, I swear to God, there's like a fucking interview with him afterwards. And he's just like, nuts. Just like, yeah, you know, I just, the world needs more fucking treasure hunts. And you're like, I don't think that's true. It does, though. It does.

We got into Geo. caching for a little bit and all the geocashes were, I thought they would be cool treasure hunts, but they were like lame. It was like, this fucking treasure is in a light post in Sears. I was like, oh, all right. Oh, dude, you know what? That's a good problem. The guys on TikTok

who are posting shitty treas, oh, you know, I put a thing or whatever, are the ones where you like, you got to go and figure out a puzzle and then you write your name on a little book inside the fucking thing? What is that? They all suck. They're all like, they're all in a light post. You get, like, after you do a couple, you're like,

all right, it's in the fucking light post, because that's the only place to hide anything anywhere in a light post. All right, here. Here's the interview with the guy. I want to find out what is important about treasure hunts. So this is A.J. Scaramucci, son of disgraced. What did Scaramucci do? Didn't he get arrested or something?

He fucked a dog. He fucked a dog. All right. This guy just spent $16 million on a Pokemon card. He's clearly high on something. Treasure. He was there, too. That's the weird thing is that he was in the room

like bidding on it and then he got up on stage. All right. We are here with AJ Scaramucci who won the He's got crazy eye. Pokemon Illustrator. Dude, it's super crazy eyes. To win. We're going to win it.

How far would you have gone up? I cannot disclose. Okay. Tell us what your project and how this is the first of anything. Yeah. Yeah. I love collecting. I've been collecting privately for five years, sort of in the shadows.

I started with Pokemon cards. Sort of in the shadows. All the greatest hits back in 2020 during the pandemic. And I started dabbling in manuscripts. I got curious about dinosaur fossils and dinosaur bones. I'm just fascinated by these real world scarce assets. I got curious about dinosaur bones. Money.

What is money? Money is just trust and scribe. A hundred dollar bill is. actually right there's no intrinsic value right yeah this is the worst sales pitch for a treasure hunt ever money doesn't exist as a store of value asset yeah i mean that's true and i think there's going to be just a lot more momentum in this category so you feel like it's just the beginning i really do i think it's just the beginning how much of what is i've learned i've learned a lot It's a long video.

I don't... Dude, but just look at him. He's like sweating. He's got crazy fucking eyes. He's excited about his card. 16 million bucks. He's talking about getting the declaration of independence. Yeah.

I have no... This is a long-term buy. He's saying it's equivalent to the Mona Lisa. It's better. We're all going to be chasing... Better. We're all going to be chasing the... It's better than the Mona Lisa.

Yeah, it's better. Mona Lisa isn't even that good. It sucks. How, okay, it doesn't make any sense that one Pokemon card. No gems on it at all. It's just a wooden crappy frame. How is one Pokemon card worth $16 million? You think there should be more?

No, I'm saying like, okay, there's a, theoretically, okay, theoretically money means nothing, whatever. But there is on this earth a finite amount of wealth being spread around in any one moment, right? Okay, okay. Okay, so let's say you're into Pokemon, right? Yeah. Yeah. So isn't there other Pokemon stuff that would also be worth millions of dollars? Like, wouldn't you rather have one of the original pieces of artwork from the game itself?

Nah, you want that card. You want that one card that Logan Paul had. Because it's famous. Like, if you had the, it should be made more sense. It was like the first illustration the guy ever drew of fucking Pikachu. That's not famous, though. Nobody wants to talk about the first one. That's not famous because nobody wore it on a fucking necklace at WrestleMania.

Yes, it's the same as the Mona Lisa. It's famous because, it's famous. It's worth more. I remember the Mona Lisa was really important because fucking what's his name, Mozart used to like carry it around and throw it at people or whatever the fuck. No. I don't know.

Yeah, that's that is why. That is why. Okay. Yeah. They ever get those crown jewels back. I don't think so. All right, that's my problem is the windshield wipe those speeds. The Mona Lisa's only famous because it was stolen,

right? That's what they say. Yeah, that's what that's what Phantom Lim said in The Venture Brothers. Hey, I didn't know you were a venture guy. Oh, man. Each season was worse than the last. But I had to keep watching. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Every season, I was like, can you guys do one more voice?

Yeah, put one more voice in that you can do. Yes. Still a good show. Do another voice. All right, Dick. I want to catch you up on the latest terminology. Tell me if you've heard of these and whether you agree with them. White tuna, that would be a dead white woman.

Cheese pizza, we know that's child pornography, but also chicken parmesan is child pornography. Chicken soup, that's child sex. Child sucks, sure. Right. Hot dog's a boy. Pizza's a girl. Yeah.

That has been established. Pasta, that's a little boy. Now, I don't know. What's the difference between hot dog being a boy and pasta being a little boy? Like, what is the, I'd like to see some ages there. That might help a little bit more. Like a tiny. Yeah.

Like in a case. Yeah. Like in a case. Tiny, tiny tin. Cream cheese is a newborn. Yeah, sure. Makes sense. And organic carrots.

What would organic carrots be? It's a big baby. Big baby. That's a good guess. That would be a good guess. That would be a ginger girl. So a girl, I guess, with red hair. Who is a girl?

What kind of pedophiles are you talking about? That's what I'm saying. A girl, gross. There's a couple here. Might as well fucking adult woman. Let me share my screen. There's a couple more here that we're trying to figure out in the Epstein food. I got some that aren't even known by the FBI yet.

Yeah? Yeah. Well, we're trying to figure out Pecorro Romano cheese. I don't know what that could be. Maybe that could be like a Mexican or like an Italian child, Pecero Romano. A hog and das chocolate ice cream. They haven't figured out what that is yet. But they do know that ice cream means.

It's a black made with a male prostitute. Big Ethiopian head. If ice cream is male prostitute, clearly chocolate ice cream would mean a black male prostitute. That's easy. Yeah. Walnut is non-white. Sauce is orgy and jerky is human flesh. Sauce is an orgy?

Sauce is an orgy. You're going to get some sauce. Sauce is an orgy. My problem is pedophile food codes and the endless quest to go through all of Epstein's emails and assume that

no rich person... You missed a lot. You missed a lot. What about a supersized mean? No rich person has ever eaten food, ever. No rich person has ever ordered food. They've never talked about food.

the only possible solution is that it's all an insane code that only you can figure out everyone figured it out pizza child porn as Jeffrey Epstein said

in August 27th of 2012 how do we deal with the frozen white tuna dead of course is a white woman that he murdered yeah okay Jeffrey also says

jerky will be with me when I get to the island. I can come tomorrow and take care of the white tuna if you'd like. So this man, I mean, human flesh, if you know what I mean. If you know what I mean, a little winky wink, I can take care of that tuna.

Yeah, why would you be talking about anything else? I can take care of that tuna. Sorry, on second thought, I'll be in tomorrow to make the jerky happen and prepare the white tuna. So I guess he needed an extra day to kill the lady. And murder

children and make them into jerky. And then deal with the dead lady. Well, you got, you need more than a day to make a dead body and a jerky. Yeah. It's like a month's, like, put it in a dehydrator and stuff. It doesn't just happen. What do you think you're like, you figured out, you cracked the code crackers? Is that what you think?

You're fucking seeing a conspiracy and a conspiracy. I think the code crackers are maybe like not that good at code crack. Why would he be talking about beef jerky so much? I think the junior sleuths on Twitter who are, you know, really breaking the, you know, really breaking the Epstein story down. Have you ever eaten beef jerky? It's taste disgusting. It tastes disgusting. No one would ever want it twice. So why is this guy talking about fresh homemade beef jerky so much?

Here I have a tweet from Southpaw's art, an artist with 100,000 followers on Twitter, who says Epstein said babies taste like cream cheese. Milk curdles in the stomach due to high acidity informs clots. those monsters fed babies milk before slaughtering them so they would taste better. Yeah. And of course, this classic. This is what was discerned from an email where Epstein goes, hey, can you bring a little cream cheese to the party? We're feeding into a baby that he's going to eat.

Feeding to a baby. No, the baby tastes like the cream cheese because they would feed them extra milk to slaughter them so they were tasty babies. Even high means just got done having child sex. Can it be possible that a rich guy just got a bunch of 16-year-old Russians to an island to fuck him and the prince? Like, is that not salacious enough that you got to go? Also, that they skinned a bunch of kids alive and turned him into cream cheese or whatever. Like, okay, here's the problem with the episode thing. Do you know how Satan works?

Do you know how Moloch even works? It's not about fucking Russian whores. It's about sacrificing children to the global agenda, to the global. If you were going to sacrifice children, wouldn't you have a better dentist's soft? to do it in? Wouldn't it be a slightly nicer dentist's office and it would have more than just, wouldn't you have like a full fucking, you know,

stone relief of Satan with like fucking blood fountains coming out of them? And not just some weird plaster of Paris masks. That's what they want you to think. I like, if this guy was sacrificing kids to Satan would be like, dude, can you dress it up a little

bit? There's no blood pentagrams. There's no stone diocese. There's no fucking ranch. That stuff's in Zorrent. Did you see the sulfuric acid, Vito? What are you going to tell me the sulfuric acid is for? If he had, look, you guys got me all hyped for a Temple of Doom type scenario. I thought this guy had a stone pit in the middle of that with a lava chamber under it where he put the kids down and rip their fucking hearts out.

And then you show me a fucking dentist chair in a fucking 10 by 10 room with some masks on the wall. Very spooky. That's where they would rip out their teeth. So when they raped them later And I'm like, I don't know what the fuck was going on there But if you were trying to They needed the dentist office I think you would have dressed it up

Honestly though You know what? Maybe that would be Maybe it would be scarier If the Satanists are just so boring With the torture Or they're just like Yeah, I got this shitty tennis office

Let's start ripping these fucking teeth out I know this fucking matters It would be more pompous When you say it like that It's scary There would be more If you're going to be a Satanist you're going to go, you're going to go all out.

You're not going to have a little shitty dentist chair and a little fucking, you're going to have, he was a billionaire. You'd have fucking Satan statues everywhere. And your emails would be way creepier. Your emails would be like, yeah, well, hey, tonight we're really going to get crazy with the fucking pizza. Yeah. That's the emails are not releasing. I'll say that.

The only release the ones that look like they're normal. No. The ones that they didn't release are like talking about, let's fuck a pizza tonight. Let's fuck this pizza and sauce. I can't wait to fuck this pizza 10 ways from Sunday and then rip this pizza's fucking teeth out. Howard Lutnik's laughing.

Yeah. I like the way the pizza tastes like cream cheese because it's so fucking young. The pizza. I think just a bunch of rich guys got some like underage, you know, girls and heads. Well, like 16, right? 15. I don't know how fucking old they were.

They knocked their teeth out. They just fucked their teeth out and they didn't turn around a fucking beef jerky. You know, the world's a lot crazy. The world's a lot rougher than you think. You know, it's full of some nasty ombrays. And you don't get to, you don't see that kind of thing. They already are nasty ombris. I agree.

But it's already nasty that they were fucking underage girls. I don't need to come up with like magic fantasies about. And then this was the room where they'd come in and they'd rip their legs up so they couldn't run away. And then they'd have sex with the legs stuff. Just like goblins. You know, and they'd come all over. They were goblins. They would act just, that's where they got that stuff.

They put them on pieces of wood when they're advancing at your village. Yeah. So you can't shoot them. Well, anyway, I'm glad everybody has the Epstein files and, you know, has figured out all these organic carrots. That's a little, that's a little, that's a little, that's a little, that's a little, legal ginger girl. Whoever said organic carrots. No one's ever said organic carrots.

or all carrots are organic. They come out of the ground. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Well, I'm glad that we've stopped these guys from eating babies, you know. I don't like baby eating. I'm really against it. So I'm glad that that's been, you know, had a stop put to it.

They got that guy. They got Prince Andrew. They did get Prince Andrew, right? Yeah. No more baby eating for him. That's like the one guy. No more baby eating for him. They're going to eat him.

The babies are going to eat him. Why would you eat a baby? Okay. Even if you were rich. Why would you eat a baby? Because you're evil. You're doing the work of the devil. What do you mean? But like, you're doing the work of the dead.

Why would you kill a bunch of Palestinian kids? What kind of question you're asking? Okay. But I'm saying, like, having sex, I assume to these guys. It's like, all right, you're getting off. You're having sex. Because they're crazy. They're talking about engineering another race of a little fed boys.

But when you want to be evil and eat some. They could rape. They're nuts. They're bonkers. You know? I would rather eat like a bald. I don't eat a bald eagle before I eat a kid. See, but that's evil too. I wouldn't do that. You're already on your way. That's what I'm saying. You know, it's endangered.

You know, if I really want to get risky with my foods, there's way to do it without having to eat a fucking baby. Maybe once or twice, but you need to keep getting that high. But I'm, like I want to eat whale. I would like to try eating whale. I've heard it's good. You are what you eat. well hey i got no problem with that i want the uh why would you want to eat whale because apparently they they carve out the fucking jaw and it's just like it's called whale bacon and it's fucking fantastic i've eaten whale semen how they fry it in japan it's like they fried

the semen they fried the semen yeah people told me that you it tasted good and that you couldn't even taste the semen but uh that was a joke you can taste the semen but uh that was a joke you can taste Well, semen, you can fry up your semen like an egg. Your semen? This is a whale. Actually, I don't know who semen it was. Someone's semen got in there. No, but semen has the same protein strands as like an egg does. So if you jerk off into a pan, you can make like an omelette out of it. You know what?

What's the yellow part? You know you don't actually cook eggs. It's like you unroll the protein strands, so they're whatever. Okay. Sure. That's what I'm doing. Yeah, but I'm saying, like, you can jerk off a pan, it'll fry it'll fry up like an omelette. Have you tried it?

No, but I saw a video of it in a movie. What movie? Gay chef. Less than, it was a Japanese movie. That's the same guy that got me. Oh, no, sex is zero. What's the name of that movie? Sex is zero from 2002.

What's a good movie? It doesn't sound like a good movie. But a guy who fries up his semen. Are you eating sunflower seeds right now? Talking about eating semen? I'm taking my adult multivitamin gummies.

Okay. Oh no, it's from Korea. It's like a Korean sex. It's like the Korean American pie. Sex is zero. Funny movie. They're frying semen in the Korean American pie?

To see if it works. And then it does. And then I think a lady comes in and she goes, oh omelette and then she like you know and they go no don't eat don't eat semen omelet no I know they're for a yeah yeah something like that I'm gonna throw up that's disgusting it was a semen omelet with rat poison and they go we're gonna give it to that rat to kill that rat

and then their stupid fat friend comes in he goes omelette and they eats a semen rat poison omelet that's what happened this doesn't sound as good as uh as american pie sounds like bad It hits a little differently. Yeah. I liked it. I haven't seen it in forever. I should watch that movie again. Okay.

Whose problem was this? My problem was food. Pedophile food codes. I don't fucking know. That's matters. I think you're getting a little nervous that they're cracking the codes and that they're going to be on to you guys.

I just talk about food all the time as a cover so I can never be caught. It all means something. talking about food. It all means something. He's just a fat guy. I mean, obviously he's talking about pizza. So I can never get me.

Okay, I already did shitty shoutouts. I guess I'll do another one. Getting out class. Have you seen the Restore Britain party? No. I mean, I'm aware of it. You're aware of it? Oh, man.

This is, they got called racist. They're going to deport all the immigrants. Are they the main? Well, there's like a couple British parties, right? This is the one. Or about that. This is the one. Restore.

about getting rid of them. They say, Restore Britain has been called far right and racist by the Guardian. Reform and a whole host of sopless socialists over the last few days. I cannot be clear in our official party response, we do not

care. Whoa! All the illegals will go. The hotels will be emptied. The HMO's closed. Foreign sex pests, criminals and invaders will be rounded up and they'll be sent home. You like that rounded up bit?

That's a pretty good bit. For far more legals will leave than enter. The foreign nationals here already will pay their way and contribute. They will respect our culture. If they don't do that, find their choice. They will leave too. If that's racist to these people, so be it. Oh, man.

So these guys are pushing, pushing hard. These guys are everything that I thought we had here. Between the Groypers and Trump and all the cowboys that we had, jangling their spurs over the last 10 years, and who comes to save the day? Some fucking British nerd from a farm in England. Well, he's going to save their day. He's not going to see. He's not doing anything for America.

We've never heard this kind of rhetoric. This is serious-ass rhetoric that I've never heard the likes of in America. I've heard this rhetoric. What do you mean? We do not care? No, no, no, no. In America, they only say, we're not racist or we are racist. It's never we do not care.

It's always some cute ass that, look, my problem was getting out class. That's it. We're our whole country. Our whole right wing is outclass. She's saying America is being outclassed by the British. Yeah, by this guy. By this one guy. Well, first of all, I obviously reject that promise because the whole part of the problem is that Britain allowed itself to get into a way worse situation that we ever did.

Okay, by being like, not only were they like letting anybody in, but they're going, eh, we love these guys. And we're giving them houses and shit. You know? Yeah, they're giving them their houses and shit. Given the... That is the weird part about Britain, the council flat, where you can just go, hey, can I get a house? It's a great idea.

It's a great white idea. It's a great idea of white people. It is a very white idea. Yeah. Let's just have houses and everyone could be in them. All right. Dude, it's so... It's so crazy when it is.

I mean, I saw a tweet recently that was like, man, how come our country doesn't look like Japan? It could never look like... What are you talking about? Like, what do you mean? It's like, because you can't have a store. Okay, I know everybody has when I talk about magic cards, but... Oh, come on.

Can you just say like kids to rape instead of magic cards or something? Here's what magic cards look like in America. And here's what they look like in Japan. And why do they have this little hang tab on them? Because you could put these on a shelf in the store and hang it up. and the customer could come in and like take it off the shelf and purchase it. Without somebody stealing all of them. We're getting outclassed by Japan, by England.

We're getting destroyed by Japan. We're getting, a woman, a Japanese woman. We're not getting destroyed by England. England's going to, well, England's, they're fucked though. They already got everybody. We know, our biggest racists are saying that they're bipolar and, Going to clubs and doing look-maxing and shit and arguing. Yeah.

And pretending to smoke cigars online. And this guy's just dead serious. We're getting rid of you. You sex pests. You clothes are illegal. Even kosher shit is illegal. It's over. Well, they're dealing with, uh, it's an Islam population they got to get rid of.

Is that who's making kosher meat? Islam? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Not kosher. He's talking about halal meat. No, he said kosher.

He said we got to get her. He said, kosher is done. He said halal and kosher. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Shut up. There's no way. That's what I said.

Kosher. No, no, no. No. He said, we're not doing that anymore. It's not British. You don't like it too bad. In day one of a restore Britain government, both halal and kosher slaughter would be outlawed. Bah, ba, ba, boing.

What is kosher slaughtering? imply. Who cares? Well, it's performed by a train. They let it bleed out. It's fucked. I thought that was the halal. It's the same for kosher. You know what? You're never going to believe this, but a lot of their stuff

is the same, as it turns out. You're never going to believe this. Two people fighting over the same city. I have a lot of the same tendencies. They're saying it's so humane. They're saying it's the most humane thing. You just do it so quick.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cossure the hell out of it. We do not care. That's the line. We do not care. I don't think you got to ban the kosher slaughter. I'm not worried about that. What are you talking about? I've been to canters. That meat tastes great. I got no problem with that. So go to Israel if you want that meat like that. Yeah. Move there. Go chow- All right.

I mean, we'll see. I guess every country, I mean... Where's our guy like that? Where's our serious guy? It was all funny All the Shrushed up was hilarious We had him 80 years ago And he had a funny mustache But uh

No he wasn't our guy He was the world Charlie Chaplin you're saying Chaplin you're saying Chaplin good old chaplain Where's our serious Now we got we got Trump You know

I love him but He's not being serious Now he's been covering for pedophiles too much And then Vance is like the goofiest Most unsirious piece of shit There's ever been Where's our serious man?

who's just saying where's our serious not making any jokes what do you want him to say what are you hoping he's going to say we do not care you got to get out sex pests and your clothes

are uh look like ghosts get out okay but like you got get out and go where to the bottom of the ocean who fucking cares that's your problem I don't even want him to make that joke

I want him to say it's not our problem get the fuck out like I want a serious guy Look, I don't know what's We need a guy like that, don't you think? Who doesn't care about anyone And wants to deport or kill millions of people? I don't know how you have that guy.

I don't know how you have an effective version of that guy. You know, I think, yeah. I think, you know, they're doing the deportations. It's probably actually better to not have that guy and just quietly. You don't need to be loud about it. I think the loudness about it has been the problem. It's just like, yeah, to start deporting people. You don't need to be on Twitter.

I saw like ICE going, look, we got this old Chinese lady. We arrested this old Chinese lady. I go, I don't need to know every Chinese lady you kick out of the country. Just kick her out and keep doing it. I'm so sick of the memes and shit. And the aura fireman. Well, they're from like fucking ICE themselves. That's the worst part.

Yeah, I'm sick of that crap. Yeah. I'm like, can you guys just go do your actual job? Feels like a joke now. Feels like a joke. All this deporting, Alligator Auschwitz or whatever we had. It feels like one guy made it all feel stupid. They're being very goofy about it.

They're being a little too goofy. Well, I'm looking at the ice page because there's all sorts of stuff on it. And all of it's goofy. Goofy shit. I'm not interested in that goofy shit. I only want to hear what that reform guy says or restore. Not reform. It's all like

Also they can't pick Elaine Ice is like they keep They keep showing me images of people And being like This person was killed by an immigrant I'm like all right So it's like a really serious issue or whatever And they're like

And then we got this goofy gober We got it or whatever I'm like I thought you just said Yeah Exactly I'm like If they're killing people If you're getting rid of murderers

And drug dealers That's serious We are getting rid of murderers and drug dealers This is very serious and we're protecting America. But then they'll be like, oh, this guy really effed around and found out, I guess.

Oops. He shit his pants. We found out where he was going. Yeah, he shit his pants, we caught him. The poop store. Pick one lane. If you want to put up videos of like the Mexican guy trying to run away and he falls over and he had a cartoon like,

you know, it's like, remember when they used to have those? We can't do both. Remember when family ties would have like a funny episode and a serious episode? And they would go back and forth. Then you wouldn't know which one it was until the end. And you're like,

It was a fucking serious one. Fuck. Right. That's how our guys are acting. That's the ice branding right now. It's like, listen, these guys are murderers. Rapids. Drug dealers.

We got to get rid of them. Yeah. And we fucking own that dude. You fuck around with our ice. We got rid of him with a trap door. And the stairs are fake too. And his own mustache fell up. Do one of those things.

You don't have to do both. so funny the memes are so funny okay okay this is this is a problem I almost brought in okay and maybe I'll save it

for another episode but like everybody wants to be funny right now I think part of it has to do with Trump yeah Trump is funny

yeah nobody else is funny and all these guys around Trump see Trump being successful and being funny not Rubio I could do that too Rubyo never has never is funny

never and that's why he's kind of working out right now yeah he's kind of like I'm just Ruby I'm working. Dan Bongo's or whatever the fuck

is on there going Oh, yeah. The whole fucking podcast is falling apart. And you're like, no, you guys are funny. Trump's funny. Trump's an entertainer. Let him be the comedian. Yeah.

Pam Bondi, you're not funny. Fucking J.D. Vance. You're not funny. Like, stop being funny. I wish you would get cervical cancer. I fucking hate Pam Bondi. I hate that Trump is the gesture president. He's fucking hilarious.

Then everyone else goes, Hey, what if I was telling some jokes up there? What if I, what about I open for you? How about I open for you? Can I open for you? And you're like, just no. It's not your show. Can I do five?

Can I just do five? I'm just going to do a quick five. And you're like, no. And then, and then. And then, and then. And then they keep trying to tag his fucking material. And you're like, let Trump do his fucking act. The fans are even worse.

Your job is to stand there and clap a little bit. You can wear the hat. You can wear the MAGA hat. That's fine. this is not your stage to start being funny. No, you guys are funny the way Trump is... And they're fucking up for it. Our political party is going to tell the brutal truth.

Get used to it. No joke at all. Not funny at all. Perfect. Totally perfect. All right, that's my problem. Is that... Good one.

Do you still have one? I think I have one more to do. I think. There's my problem, Dick. When I was a kid, I remember everybody being like... Remember the X-Files was big? Yeah. And it was like, man.

Or like all sorts of E.T. was big. Yeah. There was a lot of, there was a lot of, Mac and me was huge. Yeah. Huge phenomenon. Yeah. And all of it dealt with the wonder and majesty of the idea that what if there was an alien race?

Yeah. You know, how incredible and mystifying and like, what kind of thing would that say? And you know, what kind of questions would be answered? Yeah. Yeah. And then this week, Obama goes, yeah, there's aliens and, like, nobody gives a shit at all. It just doesn't matter. And that's my problem is just nobody gives a shit about aliens. What did he say exactly? Somebody said, like, it was like an interview. And he said, so are there aliens? And I think Obama just said, yeah, you know, there's aliens. Like, it was like, and then they didn't talk about his, he's talking about his wife's dick coming out of, coming out of her nightgown at night. That was the worst part of it.

That's what Michelle Obama's penis does, comes out of her nightgown and goes, hello, my baby, hello my honey, hello my first time girl, back and forth. I got it. I got you. Even the interviewer, even the interviewer didn't care that the former president of the United States just basically said, yes, there's aliens. It didn't follow up on it at all. What did he say exactly? Don't say he said there's aliens.

He said some. He's trying to distract from his shit. His shitty library. That's why he's saying that. With all the typos on the wall. All right. Here's the clip. You want the clip?

I've got to go to fucking CNN for a clip now. Yeah, I want the clip. All right, hold on. I'm going to show the clip of the... What is he said? Well, now I have to watch it 10 ads for CNN first. Don't play an ad. Play the clip.

Barack Obama said alien. I'm trying to get the... I don't hear this dumb bitch saying it. Here's the clip. I got the clip. All right, here it is. I've seen them and they're not. Asked whether aliens are real.

They're real, but I haven't seen them and they're not being kept in, what is it? Area 51. There's no underground facility unless there's this enormous conspiracy and they hit it from

the president of the United States. Following immediate frenzy open. That's it. That's not saying there's aliens. he said are they real and he said they're real but they're just we don't have any he's saying they're real but there's no like evidence or anything

what does he mean what does you mean they're real that wasn't well I don't know if that's his personal opinion or if he has like information but that's why the interviewer should have said well hold on you're the president like did they give you information about aliens and instead even the interviewer was like well I don't really give a shit about aliens let's talk about like fucking you know Trump and sports and other bullshit and you're like

it's the president and he's talking about aliens that's your one opportunity to show a little bit of interest in anything beyond this fucking earth and go wait hold on a second like are you fucking around like are there aliens he wasn't saying there's aliens there but maybe okay but then did you see how trump responded when he was asked about it no i didn't see that either okay they asked trump they said hey so uh obama said there's aliens And then Trump said, Trump said, well, you know, that's some classified stuff. He's not supposed to be talking about that. And then the interviewer was like,

wait, what do you mean? That's some classified stuff. And Trump's like, you know, don't worry, but it's not a big, you know,

he's not supposed to be talking about that there's aliens. He's not supposed to be talking about whether there's aliens. Well, that means there's fucking aliens. That seems like it should be a big fucking deal. They don't know. The government doesn't know if there's aliens. They're stupid.

I think that. they know? How would they know? So, they got like a blip on their, on their, on their fucking camera. They're,

their trail cam. Like, oh, that's whether or not, whether or not, alien. Look at that. The problem is not,

whether or not they know. The problem is that nobody gives a shit at all. Like, it's like, even the idea that aliens might exist. Everyone's like, yeah, whatever,

I was going to play on my fucking phone. Because aliens are gay. I'm watching, I'm watching the new fucking game of Thrones. Uh, you know, what are you, what are people to do?

with aliens. Like, oh my God, I don't believe in God anymore. It's really fucking interesting if there's aliens. Why? Well, Hollywood. You think, okay, if everybody's so fucking devoted to religion, doesn't it, you can call into question some fucking religious stuff? Did Jesus exist on a different planet? Yeah. Of course. Do aliens have souls? Yes. If they're like, if they're dickheads, then no. So Jesus had to go to every alien planet. It doesn't really, it's not really this existential crisis like you're acting like. Yeah, sure. Was there an alien Judas on every planet? You got crucified on every planet? and he's been crucified a billion times across a billion timelines?

What does that mean about our fucking timeline? So it's just like you want to get revenge on religious people. That's why you're so interested in aliens. That's the universal question for you. How can I get one up on religious people? If there's, it's not a, it's not what it's about. It's about. That's not what aliens are doing.

One of the big mysteries of the fucking human experience, is there anything other than us? are we just trapped on this fucking rock waiting to die. That's not a mystery to find out. They're like, yeah, of course there's aliens. Yeah, I know. That's a tragedy that most people are just like, yeah.

You think there's not aliens? Like, what are you retarded? This fucking matters. Why do you think there wouldn't be aliens? It's obviously aliens. It's the Fermi paradox, of course. If there were aliens, we would have seen more evidence of their existence by now.

Why do you think that? Well, just because we have ways of, scanning for radio waves and whatever the fuck else Bouncer in the universe? What? What the fuck? A radio? How are you going to see aliens on a radio? We have satellites. We can see

you know, we can see other shit. What are you going to see? What are you going to see? You ever look at a satellite picture? And there's like a little tiny dot. Bloop. Where are you going to see an alien there? They found a couple super earths, man. I'm all about the super earths. Yeah, there's aliens all over those things. Would it be cool to live on a... Imagine our planet.

like five times bigger. It would be horrible. You'd be fucking dead. Well, you want to kick everybody else. You'd have a place to fucking send them for once. You can just send them to the fucking other side of the planet. You'd never see them again. Planet Mexico.

We're shipping you to Super Earth where you can't even get up. There's so much gravity. You can't even lift you. You're in prison there. Elon Musk's talking about sending people on the moon. And I'm like, well, who are you going to send? Mexicans? Who goes?

Or do all the whites get to go there? We can just live on the fucking moon. White's will be extinct by the time we're on the moon. Probably. We'll be Mexicans. We'll be dead already. 30 minutes before the show, Trump ordered all agencies to identify and release any government files related to aliens. Really? Yeah, he did about like half an hour ago. There's obviously aliens.

But none of who cares. Even in the chat, everybody's going, who gives a shit about this? Oh, go, fuckoo. Because it's gay. It's like 80s, 90s gay stuff. Aliens are fucking gay, man. It's gay. We're like so jaded. We're so jaded. How is that jaded? Because we just like nothing matters at this point. Fucking an entire other race of people with their own history and culture or whatever else that we could potentially discover. And you go, oh man, you guys watch fucking Big Brother last night.

This is just like, Jennifer doesn't get kicked off the island or whatever. This is like liberal self-hating bullshit. Why the fuck what I want to learn about aliens? What am I going to? What are they? What am I going to have food? Their food is so yummy that aliens. What do they have?

food oh wow oh maybe they got a different kind of tacos maybe they got a new fucking kind of sandwich does your planet have Jews uh oh better not you better let that mean all right anyway nobody gives a shit about aliens that's my problem

no one gives us shit about aliens there's suck I know you don't I got it I understand if an alien came down here I would spit in his face that would break his little neck and kill him you know it's a little neck what if they got a really big old neck I would break it either way. I would hit him with a...

What if his neck is three times the strength of a human neck? I'd break his penis then. I'd rape him on TV. What if he's got eight penises and they're made out of acid? I'd rape everyone. I would rape the alien. Sounds like you do care about aliens because you're already thinking about how to interact with them. I don't even care.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. That's how little I care about him. I would bite his little head off. I would carve a swastika in his forehead. I would I'd ask to see his puffy nipples

and let him know about my inability to urinate urinate. That would be I can barely I've been watching you from across the bar all night and I can barely I would summon the space ships to make

beepie I would key their I would go fucking key it La Rasa I would write La Rasa on the spaceship I hate aliens You probably would They fucking suck

They're stupid what if they're really cool they're not really nice what kind of you don't know a piece of shit goes all the way across the galaxy and talks to like a lower life form liberals and pains in the asses

do that they would not be cool if they came me they would be dickets what if the reason we haven't made contact is we have too many pedophiles then we need more pedophiles until you lock up until you stop all the pedophiles and all the Satan shit

We're not coming down. You know, there's people that are like, if you ever heard those people that are like, the aliens haven't come down because we have so much war. Yeah, I've heard that. Can you believe that? People are saying that. It's like so fucking dumb. Like there's aliens looking at a little computer going, well, they still got a lot of war. We can't go down there now.

Because they got to learn to evolve and be nice to each other. Did you ever see the movie, Prometheus, the alien spinoff? with the big guy with the black goo yeah with the black goo so the original script for that movie that big guy

you know they go like why you know what you created us like what happened and the original script you went well we sent one of us down there you know to teach you guys a lesson

and you put them up on a big cross and then murder them so now we hate you they should have put that in the movie that was the original that was the original script for remedias? And I went, dude, that would have been so much better.

That would have been so much better. Oh, man. When that guy with the head, we'd been like, what? What? What? Yeah, we sent one of us down there to like, you know, teach you guys how. Uh-oh. Whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops.

Let me back in. Whoops. Back in. Sorry. Oh, there he is. Yeah. We lost you for a second, buddy. All right.

That was really in the script, the Jesus thing? That was the very first draft of the script. There's like a leaked page somewhere. And then I think somebody went to him and they're like, bro, you can't make Jesus a seven foot tall alien. It's going to piss off a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. That would have been awesome. It was audacious.

I got to say it's pretty audacious to go, I'm going to write an alien movie. And Jesus was the fucking alien. Jason was promothea. You killed their Jesus. Now we've got to get revenge on the human race. And then the black lady would have gone, oh, hell no. Oh, hell no.

You'd be telling me Jesus Christ. God damn planet. Jesus Christ is a white alien? No, hell no. Oh, hell no. All right. Hey, what color was that? What color was that Jesus used to sundown?

He was black, wasn't he? They didn't white. They're more of a blue. More of a space blue. More of a blue. They don't mention that in the book. Space blue boy. He's a blue boy.

Space blue ass. That's the show guys. What are all the problems. The biggest problem. show. I think we might be recording a bonus episode tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Okay. Let's think of one. Send me a message, figure out a topic. Yeah. What was I going to say?

I do have to say something quickly. I got a call from Frog Tony after last week's episode. Oh. Who would like me to clarify that I made it sound, I guess I said something along the lines of Frog Tony hasn't talked to me in a while or something. and he thought I took on too familiar a tone making it sound as if we normally talk frequently and that him not communicating with me was out of the ordinary but it is true that me and Frogtony are not in constant communication

and it's not that he's snubbing me that's what you know he was worried it sounded like he was worried it sounded like he was snubbing you he was worried that it sounded like you know I had upset him so much that he refused to contact me, you know, and I said, well, I can understand how I gave that fake impression. Is that impossible to, is that possible to stop Frogtony?

Yeah. Well, he felt it necessary to call me and go out and I'm giving a false impression. So I wanted the audience to know that me and Frogtony do not have regular contact. And he is, you know, he's, he's, he's not but hurt, I guess, is what he's trying to. to establish, which is good. I'm glad. That's not really a normal reaction. And he's peeing freely now.

He's got no problem. Hello, I noticed you across the room and I haven't been able to piss all night. The pee is flowing like wine in the frog Tony household. Okay. He's got no problems. No problems. Okay. Cameron for five.

Vito, remember that time you wanted to forward information to the Texas police to help Eric because of pig's blood? I remember. Pigs. Yes. Yes. Coup for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Stratioree for five using Sean Connery's voice. Last week's episode made me so excited I

to plank face down on my toilet. Just to be. The Pope for five. Super-based veto moving the show to Thursday to celebrate gay boy's birthday. Wish him a happy birthday veto. He deserves it. Thank you. Cardinal for five. A very happy birthday to gay

me boy himself. Justin Rowling for five. Vito should put this money towards printing superkiller. The Wanderer's Field Guide for two. I've noticed you across the room. I've noticed you across the room. Real black guy for two says, gonna need more of those froct Tony files. Wanderer's field guide for two says I got a shout out on Ed Schill's ones. We need to have them. We didn't even have them on the last episode.

Yeah, I don't want to read the truncated versions. If you guys want them, you got to get them from sick. You got to put it in order, man. FFS guy. Get them from him. Cash for 10 says, Vito, you're totally wrong about the Lego death start. It's $1,000. It's incomplete if you don't pre-order it.

And it's a dollhouse. Did I argue against any of that? That sounds like the same thing I was saying. I think people are sick of licensed brand Lego sets. I am. Okay, I'll disagree with that. I think people are fine with the licensed Lego garbage. Josh or Cruz for five.

Wait, wait, wait, you're sick of more Legos? What do you? Why? He doesn't like the licensed. Legos. He wants the classic shit. They still have classic shit. You just go one Bricklink and buy it. Yeah. You want like, I mean, isn't

the classic Lego just make your own fucking Lego thing? You want more like more castles? You want more a little horse. You make a good point. If you're an adult Lego, isn't the point of like the Lego kit like a kid because a kid is like, I don't know how to make a good looking castle. But you're an adult. Shouldn't you spend time like designing your own cool Lego thing? Well, you could buy the pieces still. You could build whatever you want. I don't know.

I don't understand what would they fill the gaps with, if not IP? More like Black Star? Like, oh, look, it's another spaceship. Spaceship. I mean, like, yeah, the Lego Castle set was cool, but, like, how many different Lego Castle sets they need to give you? I don't fucking know. Just make a Lego Castle. New Pirates.

Joshua Cruz for five. Ripaverse Forever. Eric July is the gut. Forever. Vito released Superkiller. Lawrence Devaney for eight. Monster. Michael Malice drinks soy.

Was he drinking Monster? Was he? I don't know. I don't know. He's drinking soy. There is soy in there, right? I'd as well be drinking. Kuf for two says,

Gamer sucks. Cody Titus 2 says, I wonder what Sean Bot thinks about this. Sean Bot's not on right now. Fast fact guy for two says Masters and your friend, Adam 22, got beat up. Where did Adam 22 get beat up? In the bedroom?

Out of 22's been on a bit of a slide. Remember we went to their like offices? I don't think they have those. anymore. Uh-oh. Really? I think the Adam 22 Empire is not making as much money as it once did. Well, you can only, you can only, your wife can only get fucked by other guys so many times. Adam 22 beaten in 73 seconds by Jason Love the long-awaited about, oh, he got warskeed. He just got straight up

punch in the face and fell down. Oh, really? Oh, that's not. last Friday at Aidan Ross's warehouse in Miami Adam took on adult film star Jason Love in about three years in the making Love was the first male to film a scene with Adam's wife back in 2023 but wait I thought he lets his wife fuck guys anyway So how is it

Was this a cuckold type of situation? I don't know Speaking on his podcast No Jumper Adam explained what went wrong Why he's warned against taking the fight in the first place by his spouse. So even though Lena,

it's Lina, right? She was like, please don't fight that guy I fucked. It's just, it's not going to work out for anybody. And he's like, nah, I'm going to fight him.

Then he got punched in the fucking face. This is an ad. Oh, no. Right? Well, yeah, he says, listen, I got this offer from Aidan Ross and the brand risk team.

I'm thinking about doing it. He says, my wife looked at me and said, what the fuck are you thinking he's gigantic? He's going to beat the shit out of you. And I said, Miss Elizabeth, you don't understand.

This is something I have to do, right? Like, this is just an ad. Yeah. You want to see Adam 22 get punched in the face real quick? Sure, yeah. Ah, shit, I had it. How do I, how do I full screen this? View, Instagram, a post.

I guess I'll just play it. Picture in picture. This is Adam 22 of the No Jumper podcast facing off against the black man who fucked his wife. Okay. In the ring. I don't know who's wearing which color trunks. but hopefully you can figure it out from other ways.

Never let a man fuck your bitch. Never. Oh, no. Oh, my God. No. No. No. Why don't he get in the record this guy? No, no. I don't think he's fighting all. Wait. Wait. Adam. This is all part of the place.

He's moving. He's moving. He's doing. Work set him up. Blackie. Set him up. This is not good This is not good. This is, he does not seem like he's ready for this at all. Wow.

That's tough. Dude, if you're in the boxing ring and your first instinct just to go, eh, like you're probably not ready to box this huge dude. All right. Well, Hey, Adam 22.

We, you know, thanks for letting us come to your birthday party. That one time. That was fun. Yeah, that's cool. I got to meet Corey Feldman for half a second.

Oh, yeah. That was great. Yeah. highlight of my life. Better luck. Ben over for, yeah, good luck on the rematch,

Adam 22. It's only up from here. I tried to see if Adam 22 wanted to make Pokemon related content. He was posting about Pokemon. I was like, hey, if you want to do some white nerd shit,

let's do it. He was like, yeah, maybe. Plenty never messaged me again. Bend over for five. Hey, Richard, I just want to be acknowledged.

There you go. The great Ren Z. Ne for two says, Hey, Pisanos. The Wanderers Field Guide for two says they're called targeted individuals. Chuck's 4W for two. The perfect wiper speed is the screenwash speed. Bend over for two.

Why no PCA biggest problem crossover? I mean, both of us have been on there. That's your crossover. That's the crossover. Mr. MRAF for five. Bring more bits back. You guys are lazy as hell. Hashtag Fido Nation.

I'll try to come up with some bits. How's that? Bend over for two. I hear they call black girls color greens. There you go. There you go. He's got to figure out. You cracked the code.

And that's the reason that's the reason collard greens aren't mentioning any of the emails. Because even Epstein's like, I don't know. What do they call breadsticks? What do they call breadsticks? On the island? Predsticks would be, again, Italian boys' penises. That's a breadstick. What do they call Italian boys' penises?

No, breadsticks. That's what I'm saying. But what do they, how do they refer to breadsticks then? Well, they don't eat breadstakes. You don't eat bread. You don't do carbs when you're a rich guy. That would be quite a mix-up. Yeah.

Sarah Gardner for 5. I heard whale steak in Norway. It was nothing to get excited about. The texture was a bit weird and stringy looking. I'm told that the flesh of the whale is like not that big deal. You got to get at the whale bacon in the jaw. Think about the jaw of a whale and how powerful it is and like, you know, all the fucking fat that must be in there. Wow.

That would be powerful. That's what you want. And I guess powerful is not the word. They don't eat like, they don't eat whales. They don't eat other whales. They got those big. Jaws is what I meant. That's what I meant. Maybe they are. I don't know.

Justin Rowling for five, a Super Killer Rant and Finger Paine Rant right after. I cut through most of my top left pinky years after the promise Superkiller release. Can I call in? No. Maybe we'll set up call in some other time. Mr. Emmerath for two. Vito, I need you to Ashley Babit Pam Bondi, Hart. God, that would be great.

I don't think we're allowed to say that. Clive, Trapped to Destroy 5. I love seeing my favorite immigrant and Conquistador on a Thursday night. Thanks. LJ. Clapperino for 5. Let's get a Vito bot to give Zingers, food facts, and rant about card packs.

Baldur for 2 says, hello, it's me Balder. Shubox for 2 says, Happy birthday, gay boy. Cody Titus for 5. Vito believes in aliens, but not elites using code words to talk about their crimes.

I think it's also possible that they just eat food and occasionally have sent emails about food. What do you think they're doing more? Raping kids are eating food? I don't think you email about, I don't think you need to send an email

to have a 16-year old Russian masseuse that you fuck. I think you just go, hey, you call a guy on the phone and you go, make sure to bring those 16 year old so we can fuck them. You don't got to send him a cold in email. That's weirder than the pedophile stuff. I don't fucking know. Cardlebird

for two says, what does the fox say? And balder for two says, misshapen chests in chat. Oh, hey, it meant salad. I'm going to refresh the page real quick. We also have Matt C. For five says money. Wanderousfield guy for two says, we don't fill up on

bread. The download price for two says you can still roll back odometers on cars. No, you cannot. I didn't know that. How the fuck? I don't think if you take it apart. How would you? Aren't they digital at this point? They're stored in. Yeah. Code. Yeah, it's like part of the box. You can't roll that back. Hold on. I mean, I guess you could hack the computer and restart it. I guess. I mean, it is interesting that the voter fraud guy is going, you couldn't fucking hack an adometer. That's the most incredible code of all times. I guess. I mean, it is interesting. I mean, I guess if you're hacking no domiters. Yeah, sure. That makes sense.

Guys, vote on all the problems. Biggest Problem.com. The biggest problem. That show. Bonus episode tomorrow, probably. You'll be able to watch that live. We'll post the link on Patreon. And I will be live at 10 o'clock on whatnot.com slash invite slash veto. Come on buy. Have some fun. Great show. A lot of fun. And the stars are watching. The truth is out there. Is that how it goes? What is that from? What did that guy used to say at the end of Cosmos?

Follow the sky or something? Bring in the pizza. Carl Sagan. Bring in the cheese pizza. Carl Sagan would say, let's fuck some kids. Let's fuck some kids. Let's call some kids. What do we say? Thanks for watching Cosmos and let's fuck some kids in space.

I'm Carl Sagan. Good night. Hello, I noticed you across the room. and I haven't been able to piss all night. When I saw you, that was off the table, I want to give you belly kisses and suck those buffy nips.