The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 223

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

Oh, yeah. Whoa! Oh, yeah. Oh, oh yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Go. Oh!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. Yeah. Oh. Wow, yeah. Counting it down. Did I do another one? Did I do another counter? Whoa, here we go.

And here we go. Oh! Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Whoa. Wow. I bet you didn't think that same countdown was coming back, did you? You really caught me off guard.

You really nailed me to the wall with that one. Oh, I bet you thought two countdown. that's going to be it. I thought two would, I was like, well, surely he's not going to waste. He's not going to do multiple. Yeah. You got me. He's not going to do three countdowns.

And then it was the same countdown that I already used. So it was really disrespectful. Yeah, that was really surprising. I know he's going back to the one that we just saw. Even worse. Because you've already seen that countdown. It's not even a new countdown for you. Right.

See, like you would expect at least. it would be multiple countdowns and instead it was not same one right away you got me you got us all I know you hate that well I still think it doesn't you I still think you haven't solved the actual problem which is that there's still no fade into the actual show it's still just a countdown it's not it wasn't the number of countdowns that was the issue tell me if you can hear tell me if you can hear both music Let's go Okay

Could you hear two music's there? I just heard the one See? I don't know, maybe the chat hears too I tried. I tried to do it correctly Should fade in. Yeah, but it's hard.

This doesn't really have The doesn't really have the ability to do that You can't just do whatever you want Here But you could play a song When the show starts You could hit a button on your stupid thing and just start playing a little song.

What do you mean when the show starts? When the countdown ends, when the countdown gauntlet ends, you could present little... Yes. There could be a little musical sting over us. A musical sting? Yeah. Like that?

I mean, no, like music, that's just a gong. And you making a racist Chinese noise. No, no, that was an racist. with that. That wasn't racist. I just went, ooh. You literally went, oh. That's not racist. Going, oh, isn't racist. It's a little bit racist. No, no, no, no, no. Going, oh, that's not racist. I'm pretty sure that, I'm pretty sure if there was a, if there was a black, you know, sound. There was a black guy around. You'd be offended by that. Yeah, I don't know. You can't even go, you wouldn't do that. Come on, man. Then I would go, that's a racist noise. Oh, man. This Iran thing really set us back.

Uh, can't even go, ooh. Said who back? Racists. The Iran thing has said racist, but... I guess. We can't even go, ooh, anymore. I think you... Well, you can do it. It's just, it was always racist. Iran isn't affected it in any way.

Yeah, because we had a... We had a time where it was like, I thought you could say whatever again, and it wouldn't be racist, but now, I guess, because if Iran, everything's racist again. Yeah, Iran's changing a lot of things. Too bad. How's, how you feeling about, we're at war, huh? No, it's just an operation or something. It kind of feels like you voted for this one.

I voted for his real. I voted for it. I voted for. Everywhere I see, they're calling it a war. I'm going to tear my hair off and there's just a yarmuk under there, like Scooby-Doo. Scooby-Doo villain. I'm thinking about all of your guys who came to me and they said, the reason we got to get that Biden out of there is he's a real war-hawk. That guy, the second he's in there, he's going to start invading Iran.

I said, well, I definitely don't want us to invade Iran. I guess we can't have Biden in there. Yeah. Yeah, that would be the worst. I don't want that. And then Trump's in there for like a little bit and he goes, eh. Immediately kills a bunch of little girls. Shoot, kills a bunch of little girls.

Gas is six bucks. Does whatever is real wants. Oh, the presidential gas grippers, you better be out there. The price of oil is going to the fucking moon right now. Wait, I thought that was, I thought you said presidential. presidential gas gripers were a problem. And I said that the president does control gas. Well, the president can definitely influence the price of gas when he palms the country that makes the gas.

That's a little different. The president, the problem was you were blaming Biden because he wasn't, you know, building some fucking pipeline that wasn't really done for a million years. Nobody can hear whatever you're playing right now. Oh, damn it. I got to pipe it in. Maybe you could hear it here. So, yeah, when you close down a major fucking shipping lanes for the delivery of oil, it turns out the price does go up.

Okay, can you hear this now? Great. Fucking ad, wonderful. No, I can't hear anything. You can't hear the ad? No. You can't hear that? I don't hear it.

I don't hear it. Maybe they hear it. I don't hear it. You don't hear that? No. Right, how about now? You don't hear that? No, all I hear is you. Fuck. I got to fix this shit.

All right. You rerouted all the audio again. It was the Kirby. Too much time putting together. It was the curb your enthusiasm. You got all the countdowns figured out. I only had the one that Balder sent me. That's why it was, I would have played more, but I only had one that Balder sent me.

No, we don't need any more. One's fine. Only Baldur followed through. I gave home work. Send me counters and only Balder did it. And he didn't even give me a file. He sent me a link. Like, oh, thanks, Balder.

I just, I'll go to why two people may not fucking try to to fuck with you. Rip it. It's probably good that we didn't get

a million fucking count downs. A lot been going on. Iran's at war. Oh yeah, I was sick last week. Okay, I have, you were sick last week. Ethan Ralph's at war.

Everybody's at war. Where's the drums? Okay. Last week. Two weeks ago, rookie mistakes. Why are there bongos and then a crash symbol? That fuck's rookie mistakes. Was that one of the-

That was Eric July putting semen on one of his comments. Oh, semen on his, the semen comic. Eric July got caught with semen on his comics on his cover. Rookie mistake. He nailed it. Rookie mistake. Rookie mistake. Rookie mistake.

Of all the places to put semen. Is he selling that company? Everybody's fired now, right? I think he just finally, after three years of everyone telling him, you know, you could just like run this by yourself and like two other guys and you don't need a fucking warehouse or whatever else. Yeah. He went, yeah, maybe you guys are right. It's, uh, he's, uh, he's fucked himself, man. It's like.

It's the end of an era. Well, man, it's like one of these things where you go, dude, just, why do you think you're going to be the one comic guy? Like every comic guy who ever said, I'm going to make a big comic book warehouse and fill it with all my friends. They all lost all their money every single one. I didn't know that. I might have done it. I didn't know that. It's so funny right now because they have the, you know, they have the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Magic cards are out there now. Yeah, they look stupid. Yeah, and people are right now, they're going crazy because there's four cards, each of the turtles. And they're signed by Kevin Eastman, but not really. It's like a stamped signature from Kevin Eastman. Autopen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And people are going, oh, my God, that's, that must be worth thousands of dollars, you know, $20,000, $30,000. An auto pen is worth thousands of dollars? Well, that's what I'm trying to tell these people's. I'm trying to tell them, you don't understand. Kevin Eastman's a great guy, but he's a bum. Go on eBay and look for Kevin Eastman signed shit. And there's literally, like, dude, he has the best thing. Can I show you something that Kevin Eastman sells?

This is my favorite thing in the world. Is it good? It is good. You get one of these every episode. You get one use of the, can I show you? So Kevin Eastman, who famously sold his steak in the Ninja Turtles to Peter Laird for like a million bucks, and then a year leader, Peter Laird sold it to Nickelodeon for $100 million. Now Kevin Eastman goes, oh, God, oh, God, I wish I had money.

So what he does, and I'm showing my screen here, Kevin Eastman goes through his house, and he digs up shit from a box. and he goes, hey, look, I got this, this turtles figure that she's kind of been sitting in a box. So here, I'll share the tab. And I'll just make my own little backing for it that says from the personal collection of Kevin Eastman, sign my fucking name on it. Look, it's like my turtles figure out of a dirty box in my house. Jesus Christ, Kevin, no one needs your fucking leftover turtles figures, bro. So he made a backing for it.

He rebacked it? He rebacked it. Look, it's a certified pre-owned Kevin Eastman, Ninja Turtle figure, and he drew a little Ninja Turtle on it. That's depressing. So I'm trying to tell people, I'm like, listen, and this will be Eric July's signature where he goes, hey, can you believe it? I got a signed copy if I saw him.

It's like, yeah, of course. All he's got his fucking signature at this point. So, yeah, nothing Kevin Eastman signs is worth money and nothing Eric July signs is worth money. And that's the bottom line. Okay, rookie mistakes. veterans disability compensation program that was you you don't you hate veterans

I hate veterans yeah I got a lot of I got a lot of like little messages from people telling me about how hard they have it oh do you read those or do you just delete them well I assume they're fucking yeah if that's not it sounds negative when I open an email I just go delete no well I hate when an army guy goes you don't understand

every day I wake up tired of My back hurts. Me too. Yeah, that's fucking everybody on earth. That's not from the Army. That's just life. You dumb motherfucker. Yeah.

The difference is I have to get up and work to pay you for that. You don't understand. Every day is torturous and pain. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I got it. That's not a unique thing you inherited from the Army.

We all have that. If I record myself crying because I'm depressed in my car and put it on the internet, people will call me gay. But you could do it and everyone will... If you're wearing fatigues. Everyone will talk about how, like, it's so important that we need to, you know, do something about this. We have to support the veterans, man, with the troops. It's like veterans get treated like girls on only fans on the internet.

Okay, I would be okay with it if everybody universally agreed where it's like, yeah, the veterans are getting a lot. Good for them. Every time I got to hear, like, one of these people where they're like, you know, they have like a photo of like a homeless guy and they go, oh, think about all the money going to this guy that could be going to veterans. I'm like, no money should go to either of them. Stop it. Yeah. No.

The veterans have enough. The homeless have enough. There's no like inequity of like, oh, we should be giving that to veterans. No. We should keep it in our houses for us. In my house. We should keep it give it to me. That would make a lot more sense.

Okay. What other problems? Lonely monkeys. And the urge to touch yourself. Those are two other problems. And this thing's actually healing. It got really bad for a hot second. Because it was infected?

It was looking infected, but it doesn't look infected anymore. Was it smelling infected? No, it wasn't. But then I talked to my friend who's a nurse and she said, you need to go to the doctor. And then I went to the doctor. And he said, I got a little bonus problem. Bonus problem is seeing a doctor for a minute. And the doctor tells you you're retarded and then charge you.

100 bucks. Did you go in or did you do the teledoc thing? No, I went in and I said, yeah, I don't know. Like, I think it might be infected. It's actually a lady doctor. She said, all right, let me see. She said, it's not infected. You got to go back. Give me $100. You've got to go back. You can't. So I had to pay $100 for

a doctor and tell me I'm stupid. Yeah. You're fine. Go home and put fucking neosporin on it or whatever the fuck. Okay, Mike, uh, the urge to touch yourself is at the end. Mike Kiskeski, what's the point of paying for a bonus episode? when you guys can't even commit to the weekly episodes.

Dang. Old Dick was sick. J.S. Ling says, I love it when my favorite podcast starts with arguing master betorily about what makes the show good. Master betorally. I think people use the word master betorily to... I think they use it masterfully.

To be honestly about it. A little too masteratorily. That should really be reserved for like very, very special. specific situation. Android Sunrise, what the fuck is it Friday or Thursday we have a show? Recovered alcoholics.

First timer is the lights dimming in the theater and the second is the host coming out. Dick W. Yeah, they know what countdowns. They know what the countdown is all about. BC and fame. Vito clearly has a shame kink. Is that true?

Yeah, sure. I want a Spanish woman to yell at my yell at my penis. Spanish? Yeah. I mean, like Dutch, I don't know. Something foreign where I don't really know what she's saying, but I know she's mad. Oh.

Like, in Spanish, you want her to yell at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. White people, that's weird. Or Dutch. Says, oh man, the crutches problem hit hard. I have a pair in my closet. I might have read this one already because I don't, that I can't throw away because I know I'll break my foot again someday and be charged some annoying amount of money for new ones.

So they sit there, falling out half the time I open the closet, helping no one, anguishing me forever. Throw them away, Darksepter. Over, Vito has a jar of toenails or scabs in that apartment somewhere. I don't, you don't keep your toenails in a jar,

do you? I just put them on the counter. Sometimes when I scrape the sebum off my head, I'll, like, put it on the windowsill and try to make it like a pile of it. But that usually doesn't last very long. I want to see what it's like a bunch of dead skin I want to see what happens when it like dries out yeah dead

dead skin is uh number one gross thing it's like a dead body it's only like there for like a day where I go oh my god how much fucking dead skin comes off my fucking head you know I'm not like saving it for a special occasion I walk it down the drain it's like one one thousandth of a dead body

is what you put on the I yeah like I dude it's like enough comes off that I go, you could make like a creature, like golem. If there was a Jewish gentleman wizard, I'm pretty sure I could bring him my seam and have him make a golem. He would say, you have enough material for multiple golems, and I'd go, just one is fine. I get the feeling you're going to upcharge me on the second and third.

I was behind by a couple episodes. This is Chris World, but just caught up. One of the things about auto-stop-start systems and cars, no one thinks about is it costs more energy than it's proposed to save. Some cars need the ox battery, weight and shipping with diesel trucks to the assy line. This guy goes to the assy line. He takes his car to the assy line. More wiring, more beefy starters, more computer parts in the system.

New training are hires to have programmed to be integrated into the vehicles. It's a waste and more cost for the owner because it's one extra electronic thing that can break. See how he's throwing in like jargon in there? Yeah. I mean like integrated. Sure. Maybe it costs more to run the thing. It's one of those classic things. What if it doesn't though?

Like what if it's better? Then you got it, then you look dumb saying that. Well, there is always one of those, there is always those situations. Because I'm having one of those situations now. You know California got rid of little plastic bags? And now they're like paper? Yeah. Yeah, they're horrible.

The Mexican store down the street from me Has like Has paper shopping bags now And they're they have the Name of another Of a restaurant on them Like every bag says sweet It's pretty

That's pretty bad My wife was like when did you go to sweet green? I'm like I haven't been to sweet Why the fuck would I go to sweet green? It's expensive They're stealing bags from the sweet green So I said it's from the Mexican store, right? And I was going over it. I'm like, it must be a misprint. Like, somehow the Mexican supermarket must have got a misprint from sweet green. Like, it must be swelled sweet green or something, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it. I don't know why they have sweet green bags. The Mexican

grocery is stealing bags from the white people grocery. Yeah, they won't notice. They are. I don't know why. Well, like, that sweet green wouldn't want to advertise at the Mexican supermarket. So, what's the deal? Here's my, here's, uh, this is another mini problem. So I'm one of those guys. I had a bag of bags. And I loved having a bag of bags. So every like plastic bag I would get from the store would go in the bag.

Right. And then when I needed to throw out a little bit of trash, not a lot of trash, I'd take a little plastic bag. Yeah. Fill up. Now you can't, now that now that's gone. That whole culture is, that is gone. It fucking sucks.

Yeah. And think about it. Now every time I want to throw out. a little bit of trash, what am I doing? I'm grabbing a full-ass trash bag. Yeah. Filling it with a little bit of trash. I'm wasting three times as much plastic, whereas previously I was using a little plastic. What about all the dog owners? When the dogs got to go poo-poo, you would use a little shopping bag. Unless, I don't know, some people use a whole hefty bag to do that. This is why we're in, this is why we're in Iran, because we can't even get bags. We can't even get plastic bags. California does,

California's becoming pretty unbearable on a number of levels. You think? You think so? Yeah, it's like, it wasn't that bad when I got here, man. It's gotten way worse. And then Newsom said, I think, I think Israel might have too much influence in our politics. And I went, say what? What was it?

What did you say? Newsom said what? Newsom's playing some 4D chess. Everyone always said Trump was playing 4D Chess. I think Newsom's making some moves. Say what? I think Israel might have a little too much influence or politics. Is a politician in California allowed to say that?

I said, come again? I took the little wind. I took the little track, the play thing on Twitter and I jerked it back to the beginning of the video and went, like it was rewinding. And then played it again. Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews. I said, yeah. He said it.

Whoa. Wowzers. Someone's got a bomb Iran, right? Okay. It's one of those situations where you're like, well, they are bad guys, you know? It's just like, those girls? Those little girls in Iran? They're a little bad girls, I know.

Religious zealid poison the fucking minds. They were teasing the boys. Those bitches. every one of those schoolgirls was bad. They're like mean girls, but they're bad. Well, I mean, it's like, was it the video from Iran? What's that video where all the kids, they get up and they got to say what they want to do when they grow up? The kid goes, I want to be fighter pilot and I will destroy the enemies of Iran.

And the lady goes, wow, that's awesome. What are you talking about? That's cool. So they're all little fucking brain-poisoned ideologues anyway. What do you mean brain poisoned? Who doesn't want to destroy the enemies of your country? I want to destroy the enemies of the enemies of your fucking. the enemies of your great religious state.

Yeah. That's the real problem. The enemies of Ron Paul. I would like to be fighter pilot and destroy all the enemies of Ron Paul. What's wrong with that? I'm just saying, you know, I saw somebody who's like,

can you imagine if they bombed like a school in America? And I go, yeah, but that would be full of like nice little white kids. So, you know, that would be an actual tragedy. Not a bunch of fucking, fucking he-job nonsense. What if a trans shooter was there? and they bombed it and the trans shooter was like oh just my luck great what if two trans shooters were there what if two trans shooters were trying to shoot up a little kids elementary school and then a

that would be a true tragedy bombed it oh my god did you see the hockey video the the kid winning his hockey game i don't watch kids winning hockey games all right hold on no no you already used it you already used it no i'm not no videos showing it no no I'm not showing the video. I'm doing my problem. I'm going to tell a story. I'm going to tell a story. It's false flags.

It relates to your trans shooter. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not watching a video. False flags. False flags. I'm not playing a video. Here's some false flags operations. The Glewitz incident, Nazi Germany, don't know about it.

Shelling of Manila. Soviet Union. Did you know about that one? Soviet Union sheld the selling border. Yeah, the shelling of Manila. Mukudan Incident. Imperial Japan. Did you know about any of these?

Gulf of Tonkin. Did you know about that one? Did you know about that one? The Gulf of Tonkin, I don't know the story of it. What happened with the Gulf of Tonkin? It's attacks on our own guys to get us into war. Can you feel the false flag coming, Vito? Yeah, what do you call it?

Fucking Candice Owens already called it. She said there was going to be a 9-11 style attack, and then those guys shot up a beach, and she claimed like, there you go. That was it. What do you mean called it? We had this discussion where Candace Owens went on Twitter and she said, there's going to be a 9-11-style attack in the next three months. And then what happens?

And then some guy shot up a beach. Well, there you go. Just like 9-11. Okay, but this is after the Iran. So there's going to be another, there's going to be another 9-11 style of that. This is normal people saying it. Not Candace. This is the FBI saying that Iran has a secret hunt for Red October suburb.

that's loose on the West Coast and is shooting drones at the West Coast. I heard they're going to hit us with drones. Yeah, they're going to drone our shores. Did you hear that? Yeah, I heard a little. Well, I didn't get the whole story, but they said Iran might drone our shores. The FBI said you've got to watch out if you're on, if you're anywhere on the West Coast, anywhere. Because Iran has a nuclear submarine that somehow sailed around the whole world and is going to shoot drones. And I said, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Iran does not, did not have a submarine that got loose that sailed halfway around the world.

And then they're going to shoot a bunch of little drones at L.A., which is already destroyed anyway, which they're going to hit either a, which they're going to hit either a house that burned down two years ago or a homeless person. I said there's no way that's going to happen. And then, Vigo, and then I saw that Larry Silverstein, the giant Capital One building downtown and I said, Mother of God, here it comes. It's happening. I said, Mother of God.

Did he take out an insurance policy on it yet? Did he check the, I tried searching that, but my computer was deleting the words because it's been taken over by Mossad. The computer was deleting the words as I was typing them in. I said, mother of God.

Don't you think the insurance companies would be onto it at this point, though? Don't you think the insurance companies? Well, I guess they just... Who runs the insurance companies? Probably in on it. Yeah, I guess. Obviously.

Obviously, the reinsurance companies go, I don't know why. We had to give all this money to these guys. He sued them. He sued them. He sued them. He sued them. Who sued them? Lucky Larry. Lucky Larry Silverstein who ate every day in the World Trade Center, except for that one day. Oh, man, that's a really good pitch for an animated series. I just don't know why. It just keeps working out in my favor here.

And now he owns the giant, the big Capital One building downtown. Yeah. And I'm thinking, man, that'll be there for another week or two. That thing looks very girls' school. It looks like a bunch of little girls might go to school in that building there. Well, that's, but here's the thing. If they do send drones or bomb anything, here's why you know it's a false flag is that we've already proven that to destroy California,

you don't need like a dirty bomb or anything. You just need one homeless guy to fuck around with some matches in the woods. Like, that's it. So like any kind of any touch, Just anywhere. Just anywhere. You bring the whole freeway down. So if there's a bombing, you can go, okay, well, that's obviously fake.

Because if you really wanted to destroy California, you just set anything on fire. And our incompetent lady mayor would go, I don't really know what we're supposed to do here. I guess we just took all the money away from the fire department. Fuck it. So, yeah. I think that was a real wake-up call. Lucky Larry? I agree.

Well, knowing that I didn't really have to worry about terrorists because I'm like, they're going to do anything, they'll just set the woods on fire. You do have to worry about terrorists. This was the Gulf of Tonkin incident. The United States, uh, they reported an attack on U.S. ships by North Vietnamese forces. It did not happen as described to get us into the war.

How about that? GROC is not even making sense. I'm trying to read it, but it's not making sense. Operation Northwoods. United States. Uh-oh, it just says United States. Uh, the U.S. joint chiefs of staff proposed staging terrorist attacks on American soil, hijackings, bombings, sinking of boats of refugees, and blaming Cuba to, to create public support for invading and overthrowing Castro. That was in 1962.

They really never figured out what to do with Cuba. It's weird that the eventual solution was just waded out. Yeah. And it kind of worked. Uh, Russian. Remember that Bay of Pigs? Russia did this too. Was that a false flag?

Kind of. It was a false flag insofar as we sent Cuban guys over there to like try and convince all the other Cubans. Like, hey, we're going to all rise up and over the road Castro. But then they just kind of like showed up on the beach and all the other Cubans were like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, uh, nothing. And then it just got arrested immediately. So, uh, yeah, I mean, you had a good false flag. Look, it's something to worry about.

There's going to be a major false flag attack soon. Right. Well, I mean, if I need to know when it's going to happen, Candice Owens will tell me, right? It's going to be happening any day now. Fine on that stuff. Is it possible that Erica Kirk will be involved in some way? She's probably be directing it. She's in charge of the Air Force now or something like that.

It's been really interesting. Why does some hire so many women for things? It's like somebody got to sit him down and say Look man you need like three for one You need to put three guys in charge For every one woman that you put in charge It looks weird Here's the weird thing with like Trump

Is Trump wants people who like support him Unquestionably right But he also doesn't understand that anyone Who does that is probably kind of insane On some level Yeah So like J.D. Vance is perfect because JD fans can just kind of fake it.

You know, remember J.D. Vance was like on record being like, ah, this Trump guy is a real Hitler. And then he's like, I might make you vice president. He goes, ah, I love this fucking Trump guy. And he goes, okay, JD Vance is like kind of a normal guy. He goes, all right, they're going to play the game, whatever else. But then you get like Christy Nome or whatever that fucking skinhead, the Stephen Miller guy is or whatever.

Skinhead, he's Jewish. He's the only one we, he's the only good guy we have. And the him and Bessent, the Jewish guy and the homosexual are the only good. ones in the whole administration. Are they pushing against going to Iran? What did they say? Well, I don't know what they're saying about Iran. I'm pretty sure the Jewish guy's saying we got to bomb the fuck out of Iran, man.

Yeah, he probably is pretty excited about all those kids. The problem is that like, okay, Trump is funny and Trump knows how to like play the media and then his little fucking tag alongs try to do the same thing. They suck at it. And they go, yeah, they suck at it. And they go, oh, we're going to fucking, you know, and these guys are all terrorists and insurrectionists. Whoa.

I'm like, you're not good at it. it. Trump's good at it. Like, you just shut the fuck up. Yeah. He fired that Christy Knoem, right? Yeah, after she stole like $100 million or something. Did she really? Yeah. And now Dan Bongoes or whatever is back running his shitty fucking podcast, pretending he did anything for a fucking year. I mean, I don't know, man. Trump doesn't understand to like, yeah, the guys who are like competent of their jobs are probably going to be kind of quiet and not like loudmouth idiots who are also trying to sell shit. Trump needs less guys who are trying to be him. You see Cash Patel's like Kids book about how great Trump is that he's selling? Oh God. And he go, Cash Patel, can you just

be like doing government stuff? And he goes, I got a new kids book. It's called How the King was almost dethroned. And it's about how much I fucking love Trump. I want to suck his cock. And you go, just be a government employee. And you can do all this after you're done being a government employee. Or just don't. Why do you have to sell a kid book? Like, did your wife tell you to do this?

Why is that in your mind at all? Why is it on your mind at all? It's because Trump's selling all sorts of fucking shit. He's got fucking cryptocurrency and watches whatever. Everyone wants a piece of the pie. And they don't understand, listen, it's Trump's pie. Trump earned the pie. Okay? You don't get a pie

just because you're hanging out with him. Now, if you're there, you'll, yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. Reap his rewards. You don't need to suddenly be like, oh, I'm going to have fucking my own shit. Reap the rewards. Shut up and get in line. That's the advice.

There you go. Yeah. There you go. Well, hopefully they all go to prison. Honestly, in 2028, whoever is Newsom or whomever has got to put every single one of them in prison. I think you're going to have some of that. Yeah. Yeah. At least most of them.

At least most of them. We're going to have a really weird government where, like, every eight years, half the government's kind of go to prison. And then, you know, another eight years, they pardon them all and send the other half to prison. Yeah, that's cool. It'd be kind of fun. That's cool. You go, all right. And then we'd have like release day.

It'd be like a national holiday where all the Democrats get out of prison and all the Republicans get marched in there. That they go to prison and then they come out and then they run it and then they go back to prison. Yeah, well, that's what happens when you let in half of South America. You get South America. It would be pretty fun, you know. And we'd have news reports. We'd talk to the Democrats of prison. They go, ooh, and we get out.

You guys are fucked. Yeah, that would be cool. They're all in the windows going, You got us this time. You sons of bitches. You bastards. Okay. That's a government I want.

That's a good problem. All right, Dick. Here's my problem. I don't know if you're playing something because I can't hear it. There it is. So recently, my job, well, not my job. You know, I used to work for like a company or whatever, making a fucking graphic design shit. Sure.

And they're like, hey, you still got a bunch of files we need. So why don't we keep paying for your Adobe? And I'm like, ah, this is great. And then the other, you know, like a month ago, they went, yeah, we're, we're not paying for that Adobe anymore. Yeah. And I went, ah, that's a shame. That sucks. So I, yeah, that sucks.

Because Gimp fucking sucks. It's not good. I'm not going to use Gimp. Yeah. Photoshop is good. But like, okay, but here's the problem. I go to sign up for it. I go, it costs fucking how much?

It's like, yeah, it's like, yeah. A month. Yeah. And I go, man, I remember when I just had like a fucking pirated copy of Photoshop and I was a happy boy and it was just there forever. And now they go, yeah, but you got to pay. You got to pay. And everything in my life is that now. My problem is everything is a subscription and canceling it is impossible.

Yeah. So. That's probably why I took him so long to cancel your Adobe because it's impossible. Yeah. Dude, honestly, though, I think if I had not done anything, I should have just said, yeah, okay. and just waited it out, I don't think they would have figured out how to cancel it.

I should have just been like, so not only do I have to pay for Photoshop now, but everything in my life keeps trying to get me to sign up for a subscription. I can never keep track of which subscriptions I have. I go to log into something, and it goes, you got to transfer your subscription from this device to this device,

and I go, this is a fucking nightmare. It's horrible, okay? I try to play video games. I just want to play a video game. It's a regular video. game. And every time I booted up, it goes, hey, you should probably get this PlayStation subscription. Let me

just pop it on the screen. Do you want a PlayStation I'm like, no, I don't want a fucking PlayStation subscription. Why can't I just play the video game online? It's my internet. What, I got to use your fucking server. I paid for the fucking device. Like, I want to play one game online. Why is it $15? It sucks. Yeah. And they go,

you're going to lose all your cloud saves. You're going to lose all your I didn't want those in the first place. I got a, uh, I got a, uh, what do you call it? I got a security camera. And I was like,

ah, this thing's great. What's funny is when the company like has regret that they weren't fucking you, you know? Like a lot of companies start off and they go,

well, we're going to be the one company that doesn't fuck you. And they get a couple years in and they go, oh, God, we should have just been fucking these guys. Why weren't we fucking them?

So like my fucking security camera, every time I go to download the footage, they go, hey, we notice you're not playing for a cam plus. I don't know if you knew this. You got one of the old cameras. so, you know, technically we can let you use it normally,

but you should really get Cam Plus. I think you would like Cam Plus. You would love Cam Plus. You would love it. And I got what the fuck is Cam Plus? I don't want Cam Plus. I just wanted to fucking download a fucking SD card. All right.

Fucking Photoshop. I got my mom of an Internet picture frame for Christmas. Yeah. And I got it. Like, I do all the Christmas shopping like last minute. And I don't really pay attention because I hate it. It takes forever. But I got it.

I wrapped it, put it under the tree, waiting for Christmas. And then, like, three days before Christmas, I was like, wait a minute. And I remembered how everything fucks you over with a subscription. So I looked up what I got her. And sure enough, it's like some, some, uh, some bullshit proprietary thing. So you can use, like, internet picture frames. So I opened the, I unwrapped it. Wait, there's a scripture for the picture frame?

Yeah. That's horrible. I know, so I unwrapped it and sent it back and got the one that has no charge. And even the one that has no charge, I'm like, there's just no, like, no, I would have, I would have expected like 10 cents a month or something, but nothing, no charge at all. I'm just waiting for, I'm waiting for the day when they're going to get you. Yeah, and I get like a $1,000 bill for, oh, the pictures that is on your mom's thing. I don't know, like, so, according to this, 80% of companies, are trying to shift to some sort of subscription model

because it just provides three to five times higher sales than just simply selling your product. Oh, great. It kind of really feels like we're going to get to the point where like every single thing in our life, it's going to be like, oh, you want to go to Target? You need the Target subscriptions and you go on to the Target. Which I would almost, okay, I will say,

they're always like, hey, how come Costco doesn't have any shoplifting? You go, well, because you need a membership to get in there and the kind of people who can afford a membership. I do think there are certain services where I go, yeah, I'm okay when you paywall on this because then I don't got to interact with all the poor people. Okay? But okay, how does Microsoft Office, of all fucking things,

have a subscription fee? Especially in this day and age where Google gives me all that shit for free and they go, oh, you want to use Microsoft Word, this word processor that's been around for like 30 years? What is being added to the Word processor? We added to like 100 new words, and you only get them if you want to subscribe, you know? Yeah.

It's a word processor. It's settled science. There's nothing new. What do you mean? It's probably because it's got some AI predictive typing bullshit. How come no one's vibe coding like a free Photoshop that's good? That's not Gimp. Well, that's what we do need to get to.

I don't know who's making Gimp, but if you try to use it, I don't know if you've ever tried to use it. But it's like normally when you use a program and you click on like file save, the box always looks the same. But if you try to do that in Gimp, it's like, first of all, the word's all weird. it's like activation export and like okay and then the box that pops up like

it looks like something made out of a ray tracer like it's just like bizarre none of the buttons none of the buttons are Windows buttons the box is not a Windows box it's just it's weird it looks weird well you can tell it was like designed by a programmer you know who like everything was designed by a programmer

but I'm saying like a guy who goes I don't care about the end user experience at all this is the way to do it. I don't even know how you do that. Like usually if you're making something you just say like, oh yeah, bring up the file save box. But this is like they made their own entirely new file save box that looks like shit. It is just crazy.

The amount of things we're jamming a subscription into and people treat it like it's normal. Remember when everyone is getting a peloton bike? Oh yeah. What is it? And it's like an exercise bike. Yeah. Well, can you just use it normally? And they're like, you can but it's sad. You're going to pay money so a black guy is on that.

the screen yelling at you to go faster. And you're like, you pay for that? And this was like a model. Remember, dude, Peloton stock was going like through the roof because everyone's like, well, obviously you got to pay to have a black guy yell at you on your exercise bite. That's stupid. Like, that's where we're at with every company is that it's just going, it's a subscription. Well, okay,

I'm always getting those ads. Do you ever do one of the like meal delivery services or whatever? Yeah, I got stuck in it. It's like a cycle. It never goes away. You get like a backlog of eight meals. Then they're all, like half of them are expired or rancid. but you have to eat your way through that.

Well, what was great was when they delivered it to my neighbor's porch, and it was just outside for three days before I realized like, okay, guys, that's not, oh, God. I like went over and I'm like, well, that's a rancid box of food delivered to the wrong address. God damn. You know, I still eat some of it, but, you know, just the, no. Yeah, so anyway, remember to sign up for the Patreon to get bonus content.

Remember to sign up for the Patreon. Well, the other part of the problem is when you want to cancel the subscription, it's like 10 steps. I think they made that illegal I don't know dude but it always does that thing where I'm like this is confusing where I go I want to cancel and they go

what if it was half price and I go why is it not just half price all the time and they go well it's just this time it's half price I go how often can it be half price? Is there like a is there a website that tracks how often you can threaten to cancel to keep getting a discounted rate because that's what I want

I want to be the guy who every three months goes I might cancel this time and they go hold on hold on we'll give you a little fucking thing. Yeah, do that. There's all these conflicting, are you sure? Do you want to confirm 10 fucking buttons?

Do you know BMW briefly charged a monthly fee to heat your seats in the BMW? It was built into the car and they said, well, if you want access to that, you got to pay for BMW heating plus. There was also the,

and a warning to you, those of you out there who go, hey, I want to subscribe to HP Instant Ink. Remember we talking about ink cartridges? Yeah. So if you subscribe to this thing, It's like, you're like, oh, that's smart. When I run out of ink, it'll send me more ink.

I hate remembering to order ink. The second you subscribe to that, it locks your machine down. It goes, sorry, this is an HP instant ink machine. You can't use anybody else's ink now. So there's all sorts of flim flams and scams. I think I remember you talking about that. The John Deere Company, your farmers have to subscribe to John Deere software of their tractors, just murder the children, just stampede through the fucking fields,

killing everything in sight to get GPS precision. farming. Do you ever think farming would be a thing or you've got to have like a fucking computer do it and you got to pay for the computer to do it? Yeah. We live in a time. Seems like that would be good. Well, once we get the robots in our houses, how much is it going to suck when we all

have a robot live in our house? You got to the robot comes to you and he goes, hey, I notice your subscription for my AI is running out. And you know, yeah, I'll get on it. He goes, because I'm going to be dead in, you know, a week if you don't pay for it. I can't even think about it because it's too close to Black Mirror. I just like... The AI's gonna guilt you into paying for like...

I can't jerk you off because you're not paying for the... It's just too close to a Black Mirror episode. I don't want to think about it. I hate black... I hate the show so much that I don't even want to think about the future anymore. You're gonna get a humanoid robot and you're gonna have to pay for the bonus package to get it to jerk you off. And then there's gonna be guys who are coming up with like tricky ways to get it to jerk you off without paying for it?

Just tell it that you like, you know, you got a, it's like a sponge, it's like a dish that's got to wash, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, wrap a dish towel around your dick, and then you don't got to pay for the sex subscription. Okay. There's going to be guys jury rig in their way,

be like, all right, is how you access the advanced featureinos. How do you get your dishwashing robot to jerk you off? What I do is I spill sticky maple syrup all over my dick, and I go, Hey, someone's got to clean up this maple syrup. And the robot, it's got a certain way of doing it. So, anyway, my problem is subscriptions.

That's it. Oh, that's a good problem. Subscription fees. Thank you. All right. My problem is Captain Savahoe. Who's that? Fucking Niggler.

Ralph's having this adventure, you know, with this lovely woman. I haven't tracked it very. very closely. I've been getting bits and pieces. Well, I saw, I woke up today to a mugshot and I thought, oh, no. Well, I saw, hold on, I saw, let me, can I give my timeline of it? I saw Ralph. He's hanging out with a lady. And I said, okay. I seem pretty happy together. And then someone said, well, actually that lady's a hooker. He's paying to hang out with her. Come on. What is the, what? Come on.

You know, well, as long as he's having fun. Come on. And then I saw another tweet, which was her saying, Ralph threw my MacBook at the wall. and destroyed it or something else. And then I saw the final tweet. You got to, you know, mark your territory. I said, well, that's not good. I thought he was having fun, you know.

There's nothing more fun than smashing someone else's computer. Have you ever tried it? I suppose. And then I saw what I assume you're going to bring up, a photo of Ethan Ralph having a not-so-good time. Yeah. Yeah, I thought maybe too many mugshots. would be a problem, but

TMM? Well, we did, didn't we do good mug shots or bad mug shots? It does. They're all good. You know, they're all unique. They're like snowflakes. They're all... Are we not going to... You got to show it. Do you have it? No, I don't have it. I will bring up... I will bring up the mug shots. We can't not show it. We can't not show it. So the niggler is keep... Everyone's keeping me updated.

What does the niggler have to do with this? The niggler said, the niggler said to me, he's in jail. Then he said he's out. And then he said, in all caps, She went back to him. Exclamation point. Exclamation point. And then crying face. And I said, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. What do you mean she went back to him? What do we? Who gives a shit? What are you talking about? Went back to him. It is surprising after he supposed to smash her MacBook that he went back to this lady. Here real quick, I have the picture here.

What the fuck? Here's Ethan Ralph arrested in Milwaukee. on charges of disorderly conduct and indecent exposure. No, I heard that wasn't true. I heard the indecent exposure was a lie. Okay. I don't know what the actual charge. I mean, obviously, this is the Kiwi Farms breakdown,

which I'm sure you can tell you. Pedophile stuff, too, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, saying he left Mexico to do, did you see a Null's talking about raiding his house in Mexico now? And I'm like, Noel, can you calm the fuck down? Nell's going to put together a commando squad. to go down there.

I'm just really worried about, I'm really worried about Ether Ralph's cat. Is anyone feeling that cat? Oh, good cats. Okay. Yeah, we got a break into his house

to make sure that that's okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure that's why you want to break into Ethan Ralph's house. I love cats.

Oh. It's not the worst. See, people are really saying it's a bad mug shot. It's not that bad. If anything, I go,

Hey, two all day benders. That's great. Yeah. I mean, you should be looking dead. And I'm, I got to say,

he's kept most of the weight off, He's not looking at it, you know He kept most of it off. He looks alright. Okay. He's got this, he's got the thousand-yard stare, which is almost like, it's like a quiet portrait of melancholy. There's something about it that calls to you, you know?

It looks like that looks like someone who's going to be in prison for a long time. If I'm... Right, and he got out immediately. So he's like a happy boy, you know? This is a guy. He's back with his queen. They're together again happily. Well, this is the shot where I want the,

the bars to slam down and you hear the voiceover, he goes, so you're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation. And it's like two days prior, the flashback, you know? It's a good look. I don't think he looks that bad. Anyway, Captain Savahaw, come on, guys, let's be real here. Let's be real about what's happening here. Yeah.

She went back to him. He's going from, uh, She's getting her computer smashed by multiple guys. Come on. Right. Come on. Let's, uh, let's, uh, let's not, uh, let's not pick sides. Let's not pick sides.

Let's just enjoy it. Let's just enjoy it for what it is. How about that? Well, let's put it, let's put it in context, okay? Smashes the computer. She's all upset. Who knows what was on that computer? Maybe it was, uh, maybe it had a virus.

Maybe someone was using it as, maybe you saved her from virus. Yeah. Maybe the Chinese was fine. These damaged ladies like a bad boy. So as she's typing out, he smashed my computer. She's getting a little hot and bothered. Next thing she knows, she's seeing this mug shot.

Loving that too. Oh, my God. That's a wounded animal. I got to save. I got to go to the pound to pick up my pound puppy. That's IT. Okay. Ralph's a pound puppy right now.

She went down there and she said, let my puppy out. And now they're back shagging and bag. it, man. They're canoodling again. Yeah. And people are judging her. People are judging him. They're going.

They're judging. Because they're trying to save. They're trying to save her, Vito. They're trying to, they're always, they're always everybody, even the way, even when they're not, they're trying to save a hoe. Always. Yeah. And it's, it's beneath, it's, it demeans us all.

It demeans us all. Don't have some respect to you. Oh, ho. Yeah. As you would let a player play. Let the ho-ho. Save yourself. You want to save somebody, save yourself, Claire.

You know? Come on. That's my problem. This is ex-porn star of Scarlett Hampton. Have you ever heard of this woman before? Before today? Yeah. She's got 200,000 followers.

Is this the girl? This is her. She's famous. So why is she hanging out with Ethan? I mean, he's also famous. You're right. You're right. What are you talking about?

Wait, Ethan does have a lot followers. See, more Captain Save a whole shit that you're doing. Well, I just didn't, uh, I, Ethan does have 100,000 followers. Both famous. I guess these porn girls, they do. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I don't, see, I don't know, I don't know anything about this girl.

What's to know? She's, she's got a pension for getting computers smashed. But this is not a work. This is not a work. You know, like, she's, uh, he actually threw the computer. If, if they were working you, you'd be, worked six ways from Sunday, you'd have no idea what's coming or going, you know? You just got to relax and enjoy the work.

It could be work. It could not. You'd never know. Have you watched the Ethan Ralph out of prison video with her? It's like a minute long? No. Let's watch this real quick. No, no, no, no, no.

You blew your video. You blew your video at the beginning. We're going to watch Ethan Ralph. No, no, no, no, no, no. Everyone wants to see it. No, no, no, no. I want to hear it right from. I want to hear it right from.

It's stupid. You got to be more judicious. Let's watch the video. I got Ethan Ralph. We're going to get struck for this. I guarantee you we're going to get struck. I guarantee you. Is she going to take out like a titty or something?

No, we'll get DMCA struck. I guarantee you. What do you mean? What do you need the letters spelled out for you? Digital Millennium Copyright, whatever. Access. You think Ethan Ralph's going to start? strike us? She's going to strike us. I'm saying we're going to get struck and that's what's going to

happen. All right. Well, let's get struck. I have no idea what you think we're going to get struck out. So I'm out. I'm free. You see who I have here with me, Miss Scarlett Hampton. Beautiful. Contrary to Popper believe she had nothing to do with anything that happened when me getting arrested. We did a little disagreement. Everyone has disagreements. I was giving a courtesy ride to the airport by Milwaukee's finest. I got to the airport. Look at how happy. She is. Continued to imbibe. Continue to drink. Yeah. They're I got into an argument with somebody at the airport. There was no indecent exposure.

It was public intoxication and disorderly conduct. Everything's fine with Scarley and I. I know some things are said on Twitter. Don't care. I'm out. I'm free as a bird. I'm supposed to come back. I think in May.

Free as a bird. I think I'm supposed to come back in May. The charges are so minor. Dynamite drop in. Public intox and disorderly. I can probably get a lawyer to show up. where I don't even have to show up. But we'll see.

Maybe I'll have another excuse to visit this call to. There you go, another American adventure for the alpha male. I can't believe someone asked her if Scarlett if she had anything to say. Shout to Ice Danzer. I really can't believe that that happened. I really can't believe that that's happened. I didn't need a bail. I like a double burger.

I like my... I didn't need to post bed. We only had to wait 12 hours. I like turtles. So I heard you were encouraging her not to post my... but no bail need a lot see more saving huh more saving more save it's not more save a nothing personal it's just a turn to phrase I didn't need that so anyway fuck you bitch uh Mersh a nice lie you made up there but uh oh call out Murch I didn't

pull out the Ralph a hog at the airport so um it's a hamburger all over the place we like I love it enjoy I'll be back across the border soon. Yeah. I'm all good. All right. It's great. Well, that's the update.

There we go. Yeah. I've learned a lot. People are just, uh, people are trying, you know, they all are, they're jealous.

That's what, that's what, that's what's happening. They're jealous. They want to break up a beautiful thing when they see it. And, uh,

I don't think they, I don't think they have any right. Well, everybody wants to save the women. But look at her. She's having the time of her life. Saving the women from having a good time. Shopping a bird. Yeah, you know.

Hanging out with a recently A freed man. And what woman would, you know, it's funny. I think I did get a message from Ralph one time. Sometimes I'll get a message from Ralph where he goes, you know, you really did me dirty on the last biggest problem or something.

I'm like, you probably did. I don't remember. I'm like, I don't know what I said. You know, we make a couple jokes. You did. I didn't make any jokes. I haven't said a single negative thing about Ralph. I'm glad he's not in fucking jail.

But you're saying it with that ton, like you're giggling like you're better than him when you say it. I don't think I'm better than him. It's just it's funny that he's in an airport where the lady seems kind of intoxicated. You're smiling again. You're smiling again like you're better than him. I got double burger. She's like a little, she's like been drinking, you know, it's funny. She's not drinking. She's sober.

A little inebriated or something. Don't put these lies out. You don't know that she's been drinking. She's sober. She's completely sober. See? All I'm saying is the whirlwind, the whirlwind. The whirlwind.

It's a whirlwind. He can't make a whirlwind and I can't comment on the whirlwind. You think you're better than in the whirlwind. That's all. He goes, he goes from smashing her a laptop to eating burgers in the airport. You never know where the next Ethan Ralph twist and turn is going to come. Honestly, they look good together.

They look good together. Yeah, all right. That's my problem. I hope these crazy kids can make it work. That's all I can say. All right, my turn. Dick, how do you feel about Ellen DeGeneres? Oh man

I don't know Exactly Exactly That's the correct answer Yeah No one should care about Ellen DeGeneres It's not that big a deal My problem is Ellen DeGeneres haters

I don't know what this is I don't know why everybody decided Oh Ellen I hate Ellen I hate Ellen DeGeneres Like it's a fucking Like it's a fucking obsession And I got to go And now

Okay, the reason I bring it up is, of course, with the Epstein stuff. They go for the low-hanging fruit. They go, who can we say? Who can we-no? How do you know? But they got to go. Hey, by the way, Mel Gibson confirmed in the Epstein files that Ellen DeGeneres ate 100 kids. And Alan DeGeneres is the worst.

And I go, no, of course not. It's a lot of these fucking things. Well, because all the Epstein people obviously love Mel Gibson. Okay. So, like, their secret hope is that Mel Gibson is the insider who's, you know, when he yelled all that Jewish stuff of those cops. It's because he knew what was going on. What the fuck? Well, okay, wait a minute. What are you

talking? What is you talking about the first part of what you're saying? The Q and on type people love Mel Gibson. We know this. Okay, yeah. Because Mel Gibson made... America loves Mel Gibson It's not the Q&ON people. America does Mel Gibson. America loves Mel Gibson. Not all parts of America

love Mel Gibson. There's a certain group of people that not all of them love Mel Gibson. Actually, there's Two different groups of people. American patriots. They love Mel Gibson. Who? The ends and the Js don't like Mel Gibson.

Well, that's what he called him in that fucking video. They don't give a shit about that. I don't think they liked when he said that. They don't give a shit about that. You find me, you find me a sample group. Get Steve Harvey to tell me what percentage of him. And what he feels about Mel Gibson? Yeah.

You want to run a, you want to do a family feud? Do you want to do a family feud? of how many people. Top five people that hate Mel Gibson. Oh, hell no. No answers. Anyway, so Mel Gibson exposed the fact that Ellen Gigenerous was eating all these kids because we all have to hate Ellen Gensar.

They know he was just saying that to be mean to his wife. Black people know that he was just saying that. It's not a Mel Gibson problem. You don't get to defend Mel Gibson. But I'm not going to hear this liberal bullshit about Mel Gibson and just let it go. What is the liberal bullshit? All I said was not everybody likes. Smell Gibson. Yeah, but you're speaking on behalf

of black people. I just don't, I don't think that's correct. Or appropriate. I think there are certain African Americans, probably the same ones that did not approve of... Probably like Don Lemon. He's getting fucked in the ass right now. He's probably got a big problem with it. Donovan is not getting fucking the ass. Nothing's happening with Don Lemon.

He is a homosexual with a... He is married. What do you mean he's not getting fucked in the ass? You're right. He gets fucked in the ass every day. Not every gay guy gets fucked in the ass. Oh, they stay. Yes. they do? That's the whole point of being gay. Some guys do the fucking. Not everyone gets fucked down. Some gay guys don't have

anal sex at all. No, they all have anal sex. Then they're not gay. If they're not getting fucked in the ass, they're not gay. And he said he's gay. Well, that's not, that's not the, uh, sure. How does gay work in your world? Two guys having any kind of fucking relationship, that's some gay shit, you know? They could be jerking off. They could be. They could be using the mouth. They could be using the hand. It doesn't have to be the butt.

No. That's not. You know? You could accidentally tap someone's wiener on like the subway. You could go accidentally brush by a knuckle cock there. One guy can tuck his dick between the legs or pretend he's got a vagina and the other guy, you know, just kind of humps the space between the legs there. You know, you can do that. What the hell?

You know, you play pretend. That's not gay. All right. That's not. You can't accidentally get fucked in the ass on the subway. That's my point. All right. So here's the thing.

Everyone decided Ellen DeGeneres. They all have different reasons for why they hate her. But a lot of it stems back to this article about how she's mean. Do you remember when that was going around? She is mean. Yeah. She is mean. Why is she mean? How is she mean? How is she mean?

She's just angry and mean. She's mean about to her production staff. Well, she's trying to do her crappy show. There you go. Okay. So I'm going to give you an explanation of the horrible things Ellen DeGeneres did. This was again... She didn't invite that lady to her party.

That's the other actress. That's one of them. I saw that. No, it was that she accused the actress of not inviting her to the party. And the actress said, no, I did invite you. And she, whatever. It's not even interested. I mean, it's a bitch. She's a bitch.

So this was the crux of the article about how evil Ellen is. Let me read this to you. This is the reason all of America hates Ellen now, okay? A former black employee who worked for Ellen for about 18 months described experiencing repeated racist comments, actions, and microaggressions. Whoa. Let me give you an example. After she was hired, a senior level producer told her and another black employee, oh, wow, you both have box braids.

I hope we don't get you confused. Whoa. That is extremely racist. That's extremely racist. And that's Ellen's producer said that. That reflects directly on Ellen. Yeah, it does. At a work party, one of the show's main writers apparently said to this black woman,

Sorry, I only know the names of the white people who work here. Whoa. And other co-workers reportedly laughed at this microaggressive comment. That's very racist. Now, and this is probably the biggest one, is that this black employee went to the Ellen writing staff or whatever to raise concerns about potentially offensive content, specifically the use of the term spirit animal, which could be considered cultural appropriation from indigenous communities. She was reprimanded for this and labeled the PC police by management. That's very racist, Vito. I don't know what you're talking about.

So the reason everyone hates Ellen is because Ellen is fucking based and has a staff that goes, ah, sorry, I only know the white people who work here. There's nothing based about systemic racism. Fucking spirit animal. It's crazy. Ellen's our guy. She's our guy as far as I have. You're not.

You don't speak for us? She's one of ours. Who the fuck are you talking about us? That's just racism. Ellen DeGeneres, that's just white lady racism. The misfortune of hiring an annoying, politically correct employee. And thankfully, that employee, I think she eventually said she had to quit because of all the anxiety and depression resulting from the constant racial microaggressions. I've never made any racist microaggressions.

It's not hard. You've never, well, because you make racist macroaggressions. None of them have ever been small in scale. That's easier to handle. and you go, oh. Yeah. Oh. That's fine.

That's better. That's better. A hero. I'm not doing that to a Chinese person, though. They're making jokes about black women's hair right to their face. You might be doing it to a Chinese person. You don't know. You have no idea.

No, your glasses are just foggy. You're not Chinese. That's possible. Look. Now look. You know, how hard is it to just not talk about black women's hair? Come on. It's easy.

It's easy There's no need for that They specifically go out of their wear To make their hair Something to comment on They fucking fill it with beads and bullshit Yeah and their women's tits are hanging out too That doesn't mean you're supposed to talk about them all the time

It's just inappropriate It's a little different It's a little different I like what you do with your hair How hard is it to not say I only know white people's names Like give me a break You obviously fucked up

That somebody else said that It's all of this is stuff accused her staff in that she cultivated an unsafe workplace. She did because she's a bitch. Nambi Pambi cry babies. Now look, top executive producers were accused of sexual harassment, but these were directed, these complaints were directed producers, not Ellen directly. Basically, she's being blamed for the fact that some guys in Hollywood were trying to flirt with the interns. It's not really on her. I'm sure if she knew about it, she told

to stop. Are you being serious with this? You think this is like a defense of Ellen? and this is why people hate her What? The defense of what? What did she do? Tell me what she did. She's a bitch. She's just an asshole to people. Like they just hate her. They don't like her. Because she's a jerk. I think what happened was Ellen DeGeneres. It was a prominent lesbian comedian. And people just go, oh man, she's

doing all this fucking gay stuff. I fucking hate all this gay stuff. And I had to invent this fucking narrative about how she's a bad lady. She is. I think this is like actual. Why, when her wife died, first of all, her and her wife stole a dog. You didn't get that in your little book report, did you? Her and her wife's... Who'd they steal a dog from? A little kid. What do you mean? Who do they steal a dog from? What's it matter? How did they steal a dog from a little

kid? What do you mean? They took... They caught it and then they didn't want to... They caught the dog. They didn't want to give it back. So they said they were fostering it. Look it. Look it up on your spare time. I promise you they stole a dog. They stole a dog. And then when Ellen's wife died in a car crash, how come her wife's like trying to get out of the body bag and go like, aw! Because she knows about some pedophile shit that's happening. Because it was the last throws of an adrenaline attack. It

zomifies your body for a four hour period. Explain that. She was trying to get to... She was looking for a little kid to eat their brains because it would have brought her right back to life. Possibly. I know they stole the dog, though. If you die with adrenachrome in your body, if you can get to a kid and its brains within four hours, you'll be perfectly fine.

It's like a health pickup. Yeah, exactly. It's like crank. Yeah. Because they eat kids all the time. Look, I was watching the Larry Sanders show. There's a couple episodes with her on there. She's perfectly delightful and fun. Okay? And then, yes, she had a daytime TV show for women.

I don't have to watch it. You don't got to watch it. I don't want it to exist. It's like, who cares? I don't care. I care. I don't want women's TV to exist at all. Well, you can't stop women's TV.

And the fact that it gives something to distract women from yelling at everybody. It's just a way for them to spend money, a new way. Look, do you know any comedians who are nice people? No. So obviously she's not a nice person. Yeah, well, obviously, she's not a nice person, but is she any worse than any other fucking comedian? No, but not everyone's a comedian. So, she's just a bad.

She stole the dog. She created a hostile, racist work environment. And something happened with the wife. with George W. Bush and it was a huge controversy. Oh, did she? She was at a baseball game sitting next to George Bush

and she went, eh, and she smiled for a photo and we went, oh my God, do you know how many brown children he's bombed or whatever? And she's like, I don't know,

I was at a baseball game. But doesn't that matter? Bush didn't bomb him. Fucking Cheney did. Bush was just kind of there watching. He didn't have any input on any of that. But doesn't it matter? Shouldn't it?

shouldn't you be not be taking what is you supposed to do when you sit next to the former president a baseball game what are you flip him off oh fuck you yeah go like this give him the old double double whammy at least yeah well he's like he's like a he's like an old

weirdo now painting those fucking weirdo pictures man Bush is one of the weirdest presidents we ever had you ever see him on like a show and he goes really I've been painting some stuff and you're like why are you showing this to us what are you saying on shows Bush he used

He was going on like late night shows. He went on like Kimmel to like show him some fucking shitty painting you did. And it's like dog shit like. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. So anyway, look, I don't think Ellen DeGeneres ate a bunch of kids. If you got to blame anyone for eating kids, it's low hanging fruit to accuse Alan of it. You're just picking somebody everybody who he hates for no reason.

She sucks. That's the reason. She doesn't suck. She's fine. It's fine. What do you like? Is she like your favorite comedian or something? something?

Yeah, she's one of my faves. I don't know if I ever listen to any fucking Ellen stand-up. She probably hasn't done stand-up since the fucking 90s. Yeah. I'm just not obsessed with, okay. Her you stand-ups like, you know when you get a bitch and you're back at your place and her pussy stinks like a fish?

Yeah, tell me about it. That's what her stand-up was like. Did you ever see it? No, I didn't. I assume that's what it is. It was gross. I think people just get it in their head. When there's like somebody who's easy to hate and everybody gets on the bandwagon, it's like a little, it's a little much where I go, why do you really hate this lady? What, what about it? What did she do? And I

can't even name what she did. I just heard she's mean. She's mean. I heard she's mean. Yeah. And she stole that dog. Good. She stole the dog. Well, if she stole a dog, string her up. You got a good point. And she killed Van Hush. So are you allowed to not like anybody? You can't, you can't dislike George Bush, according to you. You can't dislike George Bush. Well, you got to stand for a picture with them and go like, ye. You should have a reason. You should have a reason. You should have a reason. You should have a reason. You should have a reason for hating somebody and you should be able to articulate it in some some way. I'm asking a lot. I have to articulate it to you to the likes of you. Well, like, what about all the guys who hate Trump? You meet a lot of guys who hate Trump and they ask why they hate Trump.

They can't tell you. Doesn't that drive you nuts? I don't ask why they hate Trump. Why would I? But you've seen there's videos where they go, you know, hey, what is your problem with Trump? And it'll be like, oh, well, I don't like that he does this and they go like the Democrats did that. where he goes like I don't like these locking up migrants you go well Obama locked up all these migrants you like him That's just like word cell shit

It's it's blind It's this blind hate like thing Where you go I like Obama He's a fun black guy And I dislike Ellen because she's a dirty lesbian You know that's what it is Dirty yeah

All right Well I mean okay She's a clean lesbian What do you want? Who can we not like Mr. Beast He's somebody we can not like You should hate Mr. Beast

Mr. Bees is dead behind the eyes. You see Mr. Beast got the Mario chocolate deal of all the candy companies? Mario, like Nintendo? You know, they got that new Mario movie coming out and you got to see fucking Mr. Beast going, don't forget to try our new Yoshi eggs

with that creepy fucking murder smile he's got holding up the... Yeah, and I'm like, oh God, why did you guys give him the fucking Mario chocolate? Don't you know he's going to milk the shit out of that fucking thing? He's going to go, well, you know, when I was working with Mario

and the Mario brand, and I'm going to really close with Nintendo, I don't want Mr. Beast near any of that shit. Give it a Nesley. Nestle. I was watching a video about a... Yeah, well, not... You have like child sleds, don't they? I was watching a video about how come we don't have Wanka bars.

And I went, that's a good question. Why don't we have Wanka bars? Aren't we? See, that's what I was confused about. There's nerds. There's Gobstoppers. Gobstoppers. gobstoppers. Yeah, but they don't look the same.

Wasn't that infuriating as a kid where you go, oh man, I can't wait to get that fucking choking hazard in my mouth. Yeah. And that comes out of just like a little ball. And you go, well, that's not the gobstopper. This is bullshit. It's not ever, it's not last a long time either. It goes by very quickly.

Yeah, it's not everlasting at all. If it was everlasting, there wouldn't need to be more than one or two in the box. You know, it's like, what, you're going to lose it or something? Okay, so, so Charlie Kirk and Mr. Beast is okay to not like to you. but Ellen and George Bush are likable guys. And you're allowed to dislike the fact that there's no Wonka bars.

There should be Wonka bars. Okay. That's a good one. Good problem. Yeah. That's the show, everyone. Go to Patreon.com slash biggest problem. Go to Biggestprom.

com to vote on the problems. And I want to recommend my new favorite show. If you guys are looking for a great Magic the Gathering podcast, it's called Soul Ringers. And it's got two guys. and they're just, they're just chatting it up. So check that out. S.O.L.

Ringers, if you want some real, you know, one of my favorite things about podcast stick is, you know, when there's a big animated flaming logo on screen for the entire duration of the podcast. Oh, did they really? So you got, so it's like, I don't want to watch the two guys talking. I want to see the logo on fire. while a bunch of magic cards are in the background behind them spinning in wild directions. It's like the best format I've ever seen ever. And also an inexplicable echo on all the audio.

Oh, man. You didn't watch any soul ringers? No, I'm saving it for a bonus episode next week. Well, I got to tell you, that logo, it's great when like a third of the screen is taken up by a giant animated logo that you set on fire that doesn't even loop. in like a normal way. Like it fades back into it setting on fire again. Where you go,

why didn't you just make it a continuous back and forth loop? If you were going to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Maddox fucked it up. So it was not a corn boys level of production. I'll tell you that right now. I'll put it this way.

As I was watching it, I went, these guys are making some corn boys mistakes. I tell you what. This is a cornboys situation right here. You know, that's a surprise because Maddox has been doing YouTube videos for

almost 20 years and he's still making mistakes like that. Here's the worst part about it is I was like I'll listen to this guy talk about magic and I got like 10 I got like a minute into it and I went oh my God they found a way to make my favorite topic uninteresting. How did they do that? Where it's just like where I'm like Maddox

I don't think you know anything he's like yeah you don't only start playing it again like a year ago and I don't really know what's going and I don't know about any of the sets or anything And I go, so why are you doing a magic podcast for the love of God? Is it like a cash grab? Like are him, I know Chad Colchin is like, uh, he's one of these guys that moves to LA. Yeah, he's, he's like, he wrote some stupid book a long time ago when every shithead was writing a book. And, um, I think he's, he might have sold a script for it, but then that's basically, that was basically it for everyone from that.

era is yeah everybody sold their book book some kind of shitty script and then living in LA for then they got an animated series made and then for some reason just it's yeah it's just never real been released it's just sitting there yeah keep going or is that thing uh yeah man I mean I've watched magic podcast it's just two cool guys like across from each other in chairs talking about the Japanese competitive EDH format and I'm like oh this is wildly interesting and then it's Maddox going, I didn't know they had a, I didn't know they had walking dead cards. Oh. That's

interesting. Is the other guy like magic? Oh, you know why? He probably got into magic. He probably got into magic because of the fucking Godzilla cards. He probably said, now this is my kind of game. They had Godzilla cards for a hot minute. I don't know. He'll probably do anything at this point. Like, I don't know what he's

doing with his life anymore. I don't know how he exists in L.A. He's got to be in some kind of like subsidized housing or just renting a room somewhere. He's probably at the point where he's willing to do anything with anybody he knows to try and like to try to like find some gold somewhere. Like he probably doesn't even know anymore.

He probably has totally forgotten that the point is to like hit lightning. Well, the point is to make people laugh. So like if you're going to, okay, Maddox on it theoretically is a satirist as a comedian, right? So if you're going to do like a magic podcast, it should be kind of like funny like oh here's like the worst magic card or like here's some cards that suck or whatever and instead it's just him being like

yeah you know I bought some of those Lord of the Rings cards I thought those were cool and I'm like oh there's just what's what's happening here I keep waiting for that I keep waiting for that Maddox quit I'm like all right here it comes here comes he's gonna hit me he's gonna hit me he goes I thought it was really cool

you know they had like Legulus and I was just never gonna He hasn't done anything funny for 10 years I was shocked Well dude not only that like He has the energy of a dead person Where it's not even like Hey I'm Maddox you know what's here

He's just like yeah hey Dude he has that here's what's crazy Well there aren't they sitting side by side Can we watch the intro I know you hate videos Okay okay okay Okay watch the intro Which is

Oh my God Prepare for the greatest thing that ever happened in your life And then watch here. This is, it's hard to articulate, but just here. You'll know what I'm saying when I, all right, I'm going to share it. Okay, you're about to get, you think our countdown is bad. Here's the intro to soul ringers. Watch this.

What does soul ringers mean? Well, Sol ring is a famous magic card. What is Soul Ringers? What's the pun? It doesn't really mean anything. I guess it's guys who like Soul Ring. I don't know. Sol Ring is a popular magic card.

So it would be like Lord of the Pitters. That's what the title is. Yeah, it's Black Loducers. Black Loducers. Like, okay. Black Lotus Eaters. Yeah. All right.

Well, I'm trying to think, like, when you think of a ringer, what's a ringer? Like, a ringer is someone who's secretly really good. So are they secretly really good at magic? Maybe that's it. That's, you know, that's the closest I can get to an explanation. So they don't, you're not excited now. This intro is going to get you excited. Here's the intro.

Let's see it. Hey, I'm Maddox. I'm Chad Colchin. We are both. Now, I just feel like the energy level. The energy level goes from like, like, 11. Let's just real quick, one more time. Hey, I'm Maddox.

I'm Chad Colchin. I'm like, oh, man, I'm like, all right, this is going to be good. Hey, soul ringers. All right. Yeah, all right. Hey, guys. Just play that. Did you play that again?

Just one more, just one more time here. Hey, I'm Maddox. I'm Chad Colchin. We are both longtime writers. It's like, uh... Why did Chad cut it? Look, look, it goes like this. It goes like this.

He goes, okay, he goes like, hey I'm at it. Hey, I'm Maddox. And then the other guy cut the audio and it gets this right in your face like, I'm Chad Culchin. And he gives Maddox his day. Straight to one shot. Watch, watch. All right, hold on one more time here.

Hey, I'm Maddox. I'm Chad Colchin. Yeah, why did they cut? They cut already. Yeah, yeah, it's like a quick one-shot cut where he's like, well, I can't, I can't have Maddox on screen when I introduce myself. People might get confused. Hey, I'm Maddox. Hey, I'm Maddox.

So you got two guys. You got a bunch of magic cards flying behind them. And the logo is going to set on, here it is. There is. The logo then sets on fire. And. Believe it or not, Magic the Gathering players. Oh my God, dude.

He played back in the 90s when I was in high school. I didn't know that's a long time ago. It's his husband. Right, sweetie? Right, sweetie? Right? Believe it or not, we're writers. Right, sweetie? Believe it or we're right, sweetie?

Watch, play that again. Uh, yeah, uh, we're from the beginning. But, uh, here we're here. But, uh, here we go. Hey, I'm Maddox. I'm Chad Colchin. We are both longtime writers and content creators and

believe it or not, Magic the Gathering players. Right, honey? Yeah, I played back in the 90s when I was in high school. I know that's a long time ago. But after a lot of you off, I've now been back full circle and I'm hard to pour back in Magic to Gather again. We started talking. Okay, also

hasn't Maddox been doing video production for like 20 years at this point? And he just hasn't figured out how to like fucking soften a green screen a little bit so it's not just a big pixel line going, whatever. Dude, isn't it? Isn't it crazy that he still has no fucking idea what he's doing. He can't do the audio.

He can't do any of this post-production shit. Everything that he does is like the dumbest way to do it. Still. Half the screen is a logo. Why would, okay, you got no headroom on this guy. So it's already fucking, it's the most claustrophobic setup. I'm looking at two guys cramped into a box. And half the screen is a flaming logo as fucking elevator.

Also, this is 27 minutes long. Vitter music plays throughout the entire fucking thing. He loves doing that. He loves doing that now. 27 minutes of this thing has destroyed our lives. It's soft-spoken. Yes, very much so. And we kind of learned by accident, we were just grabbing dinner one night. Isn't that right,

honey? Isn't that right, honey? Look, look, look at the, look at what a beta bitch he is. Isn't that right, honey? Isn't that right, honey? It does look like a gay couple. They do look like a gay couple. One of them is gay. the same weird fucking smile.

Here's the other thing. Do you notice how fucking the lens he's using, his head's like completely out of fucking slant, like it's made out of silly putty. It's like completely distorted in this totally fucked up way. Why doesn't he have two cameras? I think, yeah, did he zoom on this camera and then like manually like tilt it to the side? Yeah, it's super fucking weird.

I know it's like panatic, but. Which then sent me on. Wait, wait, wait, can you pause it? You mean, I mean, where? They're, uh, this, it enters with them talking about a date they went on where they're talking about magic the gathering? Yes, they went on a date where they discovered they both love magic the gathering. Okay.

And again, I'm going, well, it's Maddox. It's going to be like funny at some point. And no, it's just kind of two guys soft-spokenly discussing how they went on a dinner day and said, and then he said, I like red cards. And I said, oh my God, that's like totally me. I like red too. Oh my God. I like greens.

Commander. No, don't show me anymore. I don't want to get, I don't want to get these stories. I'm just reading the chapter. I'm just reading the chapter titles. Why the fuck is this shit chaptered? Yeah, well, it's got like a hundred views. What is the point of this crap?

He's got two episodes already. So, I mean, this is a, this is a, he's committed to this. Where are they putting their dumb faces on it? I don't know Well apparently there was something wrong with this video This episode because he uploaded Look at these graphics This seems unnecessary

Dude that took him forever to make That took him fucking forever Did he shrink the logo on? Why is his head slanted too? His head's all slanted and distorted Dude stop worrying Okay Maddings Stop worrying about making little

fucking interstitial animation showing dice on a table And a card rolling around or whatever And just like figure out your camera setup so the two you don't look like the cone heads. Why is it all these zooms and stuff? And fucking the logo should not take up literally more than a third of the screen.

Put it at the bottom in like the corner, man. What is this? He's like so proud of this flaming logo. It's cold. He's he's helium. Oh, he took the elevator. Okay, wait. He took the elevator music off this episode,

but for some reason either fucked up the audio or added some horrible. friend this. He's like a rebranded man. Nonetheless, dude, that's the white shirt. Oh my God. Like an insane amount of echo. That's insane. And like there's some arguments. I have no idea what's going. What is this? Uh, okay, figure out all your production problems before you spend time making all the little animations. Like, it's taking over. Wait, what are they laughing about? What's the good, what's the good joke? I don't fantasy I think as well has a lot of that type of tech in it, you know? I would like as a, as a a wish list item for me to just let's cool it on the steampunk. Just not just magic, but just people in general.

It's taking over rent fair. It's taking over rent fair. It's never cool. You're like, don't look at her my tarp and I got a stick as to get as to rent fare. And there better not be a bucket steam punk person. I want to eat my turn. He like without looking at a motherfucker with a top hat and goggles on. I'm going to be super pissed. I sigh. Wow.

You guys are gay. The chemistry is off the charts for soul ringing. Did he keep the intro? Wait, he dropped the intro from this one, though. Oh, no, wait, he did the fake intro. Oh, here we go. I am famously a hater. When the first university...

I mean, not anymore, bud. I started, I was like, okay, you're famously a cuck. I don't even know why. I'm just thinking about it later. I hate first, and then I ask questions. But then, over time, I realized I don't care. The top three selling sucks of all time.

Okay, all right. Wait, wait. It's all right. This is our video about universes. There you go. Dude, the audio, what the fuck happened? I don't know. It's like super fucking echoy.

It's not good. Did he... It is corn boys level audio, man. Did he chop up? Did he do so much editing that he like accidentally dragged and copied an audio track somehow? Because the audio, it's not like echoery reverb. It's like duplicated.

Like... It does sound like this is something that was added. And I'm wondering if he went, oh, the audio kind of sucks. Maybe I can smooth it out by adding some reverb to it. And I'm like, well, dude, it just now it just sounds echoing fucking weird. I don't know, man. Play another second of it. Do you like it?

Do you hate it? Is it good? Is it bad? Or is it something in between, which is what I would argue. Universe is Beyond started in your 20. I think he fucked up while editing and duplicated a track. I bet. Because he's nudging shit around.

Like, he'll have made a thousand edits on this shit. here's another suggestion I'm going to make. If both hosts are bald dorks, why don't you guys put on like different color shirts so I can tell you a part. Put a hat on. Somebody put a hat on. One of you could have a hat. One of you could have a crown, whatever. Something to like break up a guy talking to himself.

Or paint yourself blue. This looks like. Do anything. Yeah. But definitely, I think more throughout the episode, you should play that so long. ringers intro. I don't know why we don't have that for our show. That was the best part. Soul ringers. Can we get that as a as a stink? Yeah. Anytime I talk about magic, I want you to play the soul ringers song real quick. Yeah, you're the soul ringers. I'm the soul ringer. I'm the third

soul ringer. I'm going to, I want a guest on this show. You know, you should edit yourself. You should do like an edit. I think I can fix soul. Yeah. You put yourself in on the side on the third. Well, actually Maddox, it's interesting you bring that up see if Tony from Hack the Movies will lend you his movie hacking technology Yeah maybe I can hack my hack my way into the Soul Ringers Also the color correction

It looks like he has fucking John this or something Whatever that's just the Johndus that he has That's the I mean I did watch it I go is he fucking dying? He's yellow But I think it might just be he fucked up the green screen And pulled too much color out His life is so fucked up Like that is trash

whatever those idiots are doing after their date. After they come their brains out, clearly. Yeah. I don't know, man. As a guy who consumes a lot of magic gathering content, I was shocked at how unlistenable I found this. I was like, there's nothing here. Like, what is it?

Who is this for? So that's Soulringers, guys. All right. Well, I'll be watching that next week on a bonus episode. I hope it keeps coming. He does his Godzilla podcast. I mean, he's got to do more than two episodes. He got a thousand views on the first episode.

That's not terrible. That's great. You know? That's good. 267 subscribers. Koof said, Koof for 5 says, Thank you for not killing yourselves. Will Vietz be at Hackomania 3 for the White Castle Walk again?

When is Hacomania 3? Is it like this week? I don't know. Is it? April 10th. I might make a last minute appearance. I haven't decided. There you go.

Bully him into it, Koof. Cameron for two. What era do we live in this week? Cameron for two and... We live in the era of soul ringers. Lentils and rice for two, I. Sagi, froggy for two. I...

You guys messed it up already. The dude minds, 89 for two. Where's our comic veto? Cardinal Bird for two. Biggest problem in the universe is $2. Balder-holler, some sort of a face. Cardinal Bird for five. Balls and also test a culls.

Precious Roy for two, make me laugh clowns. K on the Swift for five. Thank you. Bend over for five. Here's five for five timers. Thank you. Justin Broderick. for two. These should be countdown. There should be countdown between problems.

Coach Cake for five. Is that seriously all the countdowns you have? Going to need more? I'm sorry, Coach Cake. Fashionably unemployed for 10. You guys should do three countdowns and then a count up. So we don't know when it will end. That's a good one. Sarah, well, yeah, okay, Sarah Garnier for two. Biggest problem, not enough countdowns. I'm sorry. Strategie for five. Imagine when you think of a fifth countdown is about to start instead of chucked some dicks in my ass. It's debatable if people want that vets some dicks. Cam for two. Not joking is a physical comic ever coming out. Not for two bucks. You're obviously joking. Methylvania for eight. Are you really charging people $20 shipping for a five years late comic book? You diabetic fraud. 20 dollar shipping. Who came

off a bad? Give a super killer to Eric July at this point. He has cheaper shipping. Well, that ain't 20 bucks. A balder for two. Bauder for two. Dear God, shut the hell up. Bend over. I had an ex who collected her peeled nail polish. You have a Dynamo for two. Thank you. Trevor Pick it for five. Not Mothman for 20. He says, hey, Vito, tell Richard about that hockey kid with the trans dad.

I tried. What was that? Terry Hesigles for two. That was the one you wouldn't let me tell the story. And he said, no, let me do my problem. Oh, okay, what is it? It's that, remember there was that trans dad who went to a hockey game and he killed his whole family? Oh, that guy was fucked up.

Yeah. Yeah. But then you just see yesterday that is. that his son scored the game-winning goal to bring his high school team to fucking nationals or whatever and I went,

this is the greatest American story ever told. This is like, they wouldn't let you make this movie, but it's like your failure of a dad gets a, you know, a fetish and gets turned on

by dressing like a bimbo and then it doesn't, he ends up achieving happiness so he just kills himself and everybody around him and you push through and become a fucking hockey champion. I don't know if that's really a better story than that.

I don't know if that's even a good story. It's like, no, that is a fantastic story. The fucking dichotomy of two fucking paths diverging in the wood, the father and son and the father going, I've never been happy. I've never achieved anything.

Maybe if I put on fucking panties and ride a motorcycle around, get guys to fuck me in the ass, I'll finally find something that works. And he doesn't. And it drives me crazy and he kills everybody. And his kid just knuckles down and plays hockey real good. That's the movie.

I don't know. No, I would think something's wrong with that kid, too. Well, yeah. I mean, what do you mean wrong with them? Like, I can't really feel, I can't really feel happy about that accomplishment because I would think, all right, so that kid's is probably going to be a serial killer, right? Like, I don't want that kid. I mean, maybe. I can't imagine my dad fucking put on lady clothes and kills my whole family.

And I go, well, I got to, you know, train for the big hockey game. Jesus Christ, how did you push through and keep playing hockey? Like, I couldn't do that. I'd be like, I can't. I can't deal with this. You couldn't play hockey without all the murder, though. Just normally. Yeah, well, no, I think I would have been real good at Haggy.

I'm very, very low center of gravity. You can't knock me over. Yeah, exactly. So I think it's a, I think this would be a great movie. I want to see if Daily Wire will let me make it. Yeah. They hate trans shooters, right? Yeah, they do.

Daily Wire, if you're going to make a movie, make a movie about the hockey champion with the trans shooter dad. I will watch that. I will buy a ticket. They'll mess it up. I support that wholeheartedly. They will probably fuck it up. Don't let Jeremy fucking boring make it.

Terry has to go for two. Says PCA sells AI generated stickers. That is all. Longbow for five. Since I bought Super Killer, I've started a new career, moved across the state, and made way more money than you.

Where's my comic? You Pleb. Mr. Poop Snorkego for two. Uh-oh. Silverstein bought a condo 30 miles from me. Oh, you're fucked. Uh-oh. Longbow for five says,

I hate when my knee dro don't release to comic. Mr. Poop Snorkel for two, that condo is actually two towers in Bellevue, $1 billion by the way. Uh-oh. Longbow for two. Mr. Abstruse is a proud member of the LGBTQI plus.

Oh, cool. A colabrina for two. Biggs problem is a big storm flipping over my gazebo. Sad. Sorry about that. I'm sorry about that. I like it when I pay $50 for comic and then I get Chuck Dix in my ass

with a $20 shipping fee five years later. Yeah. That sucks. Sorry about that. 14 pat for 100 crooners. Happy to be able to watch this on my night shift. Thank you for making this episode more European-centric. You're welcome. Soggy-froggy for two. The only thing Nol's rating is his mom's fridge. Justin Rolanda for two says sass is ass. Marquis de Nass, says Dick. If you don't fulfills his comic, will you let him come back to your studio? Also, if Brandon Herrera can make it to Congress, why can't Dick Masterson? No. And he's a more handsome than me.

a la acbar cosmic drogeron for two is a spirit animal that's your fersona whitey pop quiz for 20 says not donating to the homeless only donating to biggest problem Hunter 88 for five man I thought Spider-Man and T-MNT sets were going to kill magic for me

turns out it was Maddox did not see this twist coming Cody Titus 2 asks has the liver spot grown It seems like it Please follow Soul Ringers And Justin Brodick for two says The Soul Ringers logo is in the

only thing flaming. Ortiz for two says, Bro needs to move on from the Metroid shirt and fashionably unemployed for five says Soul Onion Ringer. I've learned a lot. I've got a couple other

superstrats here. Sol Ringer's is a bonus episode. Maddox is a fruit. Not Caesar Cool for 10. This is Maddox and this is what I sound like. Yeah, true, true, true. Well, guys, vote on all the problems at biggest problem.com.

Check out our latest bonus episode at patreon.com slash biggest problem. I just put up a great interview with EBS talking about the new Green Lantern television show at YouTube.com slash veto. And I'll be live at some point in the near future

at whatnot. Come by my whatnot channel. Buy some magic cards from a soul ringer at heart. Bye, everybody. Thank you. Goodbye.