The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 226

Episode Date: May 1, 2026

Oh, good evening, everyone. Hi, everybody. Vinnie, can I ask you something real quick? Vinnie Paulino on the show today, looking at you right now. Vinny, have you heard of, well, I don't know what to call him. Some call him a hero. And some call him a villain. But they all call him.

The Countdown. Vinnie, have you heard of that man? I have. I have. I love Countdown. I'm sorry. What did you say? I said I kind of like the name Countdown because it's like more like a verb.

Countdown. Instead of what? The Countdown. I said it. He said the Countdown. Second time Second time around, it really did it for him. I was wrong.

The countdown is perfect. Oh, it said again. He said it again. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Calm down. Calm down.

Okay, we're back. It's because you, it's because you said his name again. That's why that happened. Okay, so don't say his name. Well, I mean, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm just telling you what, I'm just telling you what strikes when. I'm telling you what happened. Why that happened.

Why the numbers started going. Got it. So this is a little bit like Peewee's Playhouse. What do you mean? It's like Peevees Playhouse. It's a super word. It's like you see. say the cigarette work. Everybody's like, ah, you say the countdown.

Oh! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm gonna have a heart attack dude for real I need a cigarette I need a F slur after that whew that hit me all right how you doing man I'm great I'm great thanks for having me tonight don't say that word anymore okay okay just just say one of them don't say the whole don't say the whole whole thing. I'm pretty sure I'm going to say the a lot. Okay, you could say the, but you can't put it

with the other one. Oh, what if I, what if I just say the count as in the character from Sesame Street? That's fine. Nothing happened. See, it must be fine. If something were to happen then, then you'd know it was a problem. Duly noted. Duly noted. Okay, now I think I got to play the theme song. I forget how to do this. It's been like two weeks or something. Vito couldn't be here tonight. He's got something going on. Vinny Paulino is wonderfully nice enough to fill in for him. This should be a good show. Vinny's the creep master. Let me play our theme song here. Yeah, okay. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from absent shows to replacement vetoes.

There you go. I'm Dick Masterson. No, that's where I'm supposed to say. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. Oh, yeah, okay. If you only show that ranks every problem in the universe from abs and shows to replacement vetoes. I'm your host, Dick Masterson, joining me, filling in for Vito, who's doing God knows what to God knows who, hopefully not himself. Vinnie Polly, you know. How you doing, bud?

I'm great. I'd be here and be warmest to meet the world. Yeah, yeah. How's the creeps? How are the creeps treating you? Whoops, I do this every time. I forget it loops. How are the creeps treating you?

How's the creep business? They're staying out of my life personally, so I'm great. Yeah. But ever-ending parade. Yeah. Dick. They're everywhere, man. Crawl it out from under rocks.

They're everywhere. I'm doing a show tomorrow, and there's this kid. It's like 13 years old, right? Yeah. And he's going around telling people that he was a massage school student so that he could rub people's feet. Oh, why did he have to do with feet? Why not their tits?

Because that's what I said to. That's his, that's his kink. He's a footman. Okay. So he's just like, hey, I'm in, he's 13. He's like, yeah, I'm in school studying to be a massage therapist. Would you mind sitting down? Would you like a free foot rub?

Yeah. Yeah. And he was taking pictures and, like, filming it and, like, putting it on board sites. That's awesome. Like, who's really that protective of their feet, though? Like, who cares if he got away with, like, rubbing your feet? I'd be fucking flattered. Yeah. I wouldn't do it on purpose.

We'd be like, you know, I enjoyed it. Like, I can't go get a massage from a foot fetishist, knowing that he's getting off to it because that's gay. But if he tricks me into doing it, I got something out of it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, if I see him smile a little weird at the end of it and it finishes abruptly, then I'm going to go, oh, he got me. That I'm going to know.

But if he doesn't show any size of this is, like for his enjoyment, not as much mine? Yeah. I'm with you I'm with you there. And in fact, I'll do you one better. If I go in there, I'm going to make, I'm going to tell him to blindfold himself. Like I'm going to say, I got some real big old

feet here. I'm going to like spy versus spy him. And then while he's rubbing my feet, I'm going to switch my wife's shoulders for my feet. And then he's going to give her a back rub. And I'm just going to go to the bar.

Right. You don't think he's going to catch on? I don't know. I'll put like a talk boy there and make like a bunch of sounds. How musty are your wife's shoulders? I'm going to rub my feet all over her shoulders at night and pretend like I'm giving her a back rub. I feel like that might be a good plan. Yeah. If it wasn't a 13-year-old who has the attention span of a 13-year-old and probably would take that blindfold off pretty quick so we could scope out. those tutsies.

It's a woman. That's very industrious for a 13 year old. I thought so too. Like all these guys are always saying that guys need to like you know, have pressure washing businesses.

The economy's in the shudder and there's no opportunities for white men so all white people need to open a pressure washing business. This guy's like actually doing it though. Right. But the problem is he wasn't charging. Like it wasn't

I mean, he's trying. Hey, I'm doing a prod. Like, last. Yeah. I mean, maybe he took tips. I don't know. But I mean, his whole thing, trying to trick people.

Okay. Can you turn your, can you turn your mic up a little bit? I don't know why. It's kind of like weirdly feedbacky. I should, I should have checked this before. Uh, I,

I have the, oh, echo cancellation. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm getting feedback from you. That's probably why. That's probably why. Why? You're getting feedback from me.

Yeah. Yeah. If I have, if I have, if I have echo cancellation on, then I don't hear myself. But if I turn it off, I hear myself. That's what's wrong with your mic. How about now? Am I better now? Let's see.

Hello, friends. I don't, let's, I don't know. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's me. Let's see. Let's see. Well, there's a good, now I remember what it's like to do this show. how about now how about now uh i didn't hear anything i was fine check check anything

now i don't hear me at all now you now you don't hear me at all now you don't hear me now you're all right well oh i think we might be oh i think we might be well this was a good show everybody voted up horny 13 year olds with foot fetishess see if i turn on echo cancellation i can't hear me but then you're kind of hard to hear too I'll just go turn my mic up. I got to go in the other room to do it. My studio's too big. Okay.

Hold on. Okay. Be right back. See you. Bupa. Yeah, these problems are my fault. I just put everything back together because somebody took my whole studio apart. And I know I didn't put it back together correctly.

How about now? La, la, la. Maybe that was it. Hi, Dick. I'm back. Hey, buddy, how you doing? I'm gonna check it one more time Check it one more time

Nah, it's still fucked Yeah, it might be me Yeah Although it's coming back I don't know We'll just do the show Okay, let's do last week's problem Or last two month, two weeks ago problem

It was No more 24-hour Walmarts That's the biggest problem in the universe There's no more that's what Vito said there's no more 24 hour Walmarts he would probably know that so I'll go with

that's surprising it seemed like a pretty good business for them being open 24-7 yeah I guess maybe teenage boyterers drivers drivers licenses for the first time well that's what Vito is saying he did as a kid I guess they don't exist anymore

maybe people got too big to go to the Walmart they got Scooters. Internet mafia bosses. That was number two. That was the quartering stuff. Are you paying attention to that at all? I'm following it through who are these podcasts. So I know a little bit about it.

Yeah. That guy looks like he needs a nap. The quartering? Yeah, he needs a dirt nap for what he's doing. Terrorizing people. How many channels has he struck now? All of them. He just gets up every day, start striking channels

he's got a whole team of strikers that go on and strike channels for him I don't know he's Camelot had his channel get a strike everybody's getting a strike from the quartering my gosh and what exactly is he claiming they're doing

um harassing him cyberbullying him by talking about his his wife's affairs or whatever she's doing Oh, yeah.

Yeah. YouTube has weird stances on things, don't they? Yeah, do they? What's their stance on that? Yeah, I mean, well, their stance on that is probably the strikes aren't going to stand. Yeah. But, you know, they, for the seconds you say it, they take down videos and they give people strikes anyway. Well, the quittering was saying he has a white helper.

He has a white, like, liaison at YouTube that helps him do stuff. not an Indian. He went out of his way to say it's not an Indian person. No, this is a guy, YouTube, not the one with his wife. I think the, well, the guy with his wife is Jewish, I think. So maybe if he's white or not, it depends if he's saying something negative about white people, if he's saying that he was harassed somehow, I think. Interesting.

Yeah. So it's not really harassment. People are just commenting on his channels and he is going crazy. and yeah they're making video like uh you know your your coffee is like sucks and it's made by woke lesbians and your wife's what fucking this guy in your house what's the deal and huh you look like you need an app that kind of stuff subscribe yeah i mean on that i want to watch those videos they sell great you can't anymore you got to go to kick or rumble or something uh Okay, then AI scams was a problem and the Olympics raffle.

Does that, I don't even remember what those problems were. Okay, well, me neither. Does it make you think of anything, the Olympics one? Well, the Olympics raffles, that's which country gets it next? No, oh, no, it was people in L.A. had to get a raffle to buy Olympics tickets. So if you won, you had to buy like $20,000 of tickets and you got like runner-up, like, semi-finals of the equestrian events tickets. Who's that patriotic?

$20,000. Well, it's L.A. So everybody wanted it. Everybody wanted it. They're all thinking they're getting like exciting stuff, but everybody ended up with crappy tickets that cost them like a new car. And I didn't win. You get to post it.

Dresage. You get to watch the horses dance. Yeah. Congratulations. You get to watch them dress up to sprinters, I guess. Maybe the pole vaulting would be fun, but nothing else. I feel like you earned that at that point. If you signed up for that type of lottery and that's like on the table, you earned that.

Okay, here's some comments from last time. I ordered DoorDash, but it's basically four meals for the next few days. Fat Brain voted up. Have you ever ordered multiple meals from DoorDash at the same time? No. Well, yeah, me either. stopping the countdown in the middle and rendering it even more useless is pretty funny so no more shows somebody says yeah sorry veto everyone has seen frozen not just little girls

not me this guy says i'm watching videos about roller coaster tycoon that's cool uh is it me or is vito's head becoming fatter at a faster rate than dick's face is becoming smaller ha ha um wow i didn't think vito could get any sadder but the thought of him ordering two happy meals and being disappointed when he gets the same toy in each really is a new low. I can't wait to see how much worse it gets. Thank you, Carlos Narc. What do you get like the girl one? What do you get like the girl toy?

No, he'd be happy with that. Oh, okay. I don't know what he got. I don't know why you'd get two. They come out of the same box. Like the happy meal toys come out of the same box. You get two happy meals? Yeah.

Why don't you just order like two regular burgers and like a medium fries? I don't know. Little tidy children's things. Maybe we could get the answer next time. I don't know. Monkey One says the code scan definitely was worth the effort. Thank you. Vito is lamenting.

Kristen Dwarfer says Vito is lamenting Pokemon card stores closing due to theft while he's caught on Target security camera stealing Pokemon cards. Yeah, Vito was caught by Target security stealing Pokemon cards. What? Really?

Shoplifting. Yeah. A listener of the show found him in the target security database as stealing cards. Oh no. That's so bad. Yeah, isn't it? Dude, I hate Target.

Every time I walk into that store, there is a line of dudes that look like me standing by the card section that they move to the front of the store because so many people were stealing it. And I always walk by and go, what are you guys waiting for today, fellas? And they're like, I thought you were going to drop

a hard F slur right there when you said fellas You can you do whatever you want to those guys? Because they can't lose their place in line, right? They're like bucking in palace guards. Yeah, just walk in front of them, make faces out of him like Homer did. Yeah, like piss on them. Shirt them like a hockey player.

Whatever you want to do. Throw up like all over the floor. So they got to smell it. They got to stand right there. Point out. Yeah. point out that even though all of you are standing in a line together with the same

interest, you're all friendless losers. Point that out. I don't know. Somebody who's got to do like speed runs on these guys, like they do with Scientology. Hold on. Let's go back to his. Vito got busted.

Did he get arrested? No, he didn't get busted. He just, we got an email from the guy saying that he saw Vito. Vito said he stole them. He said he was going to steal them. And then he got, he chickened out. So he didn't do it. And then somebody said that they, they work at Target and they found

him, I think is what happened. And they I think they proved it to Vito. I don't really remember now. But that's what happened. All right. Well. But he was going to steal them. That's like, that's definite. There was just

a little angel of a demon on his shoulder in the middle of Target. His team rocket. I should steal these. Yeah. I should be a good boy and go to McDonald's and get a couple of happy meals. May's Labyrinth was an A-plus banger. Thank you. Jigel, jiggling, jigging, biggin.

Arnes Jasmine says, so Vito misses his 24-hour Walmart because he liked walking around and there's nobody who's there was at night. The reason is no longer his 24-7 Walmart is his problem. Oh, thanks. Rotate, Billy says the game Vito is describing it one hour just sounds like moonlighter. Probably is. Aaron Harvest is no Frog Tony this week What the hell Did you see the Frog Tony DMs?

By chance? No, I was listening to your last episode And I heard a little bit about them I did not see them Frog Tony was real sweet on this girl That he met on, uh, that she's on only fans He was like talking about uh He was trying to like woo her by talking about like

Where he has has an erection Like he's got an erection while he's riding the bus And he's like Wants to make her like treat her like a dog I guess like put food in a bowl and once she was ordering her hamburgers for her to eat on stream and then he got pissed because she didn't like him back

so he like went online and started to mouth off so she just dropped all the DMs for fun you know how women do evil shit like it's nothing right yeah but that's not really evil I mean she's just at work and she doesn't want to deal with this guy when she clocks out I guess that's true

that's one way to look at it I mean, all of that is all, it's all a job to those women, right? Yeah, I think, you know, Frogtony's lucky he was talking to her at all instead of just like an Indian person, man. Yeah, say thanks to her for being completely unemployable anywhere else. An Indian man would have been way more eager to hear about his bus boners and stuff, I think. Yeah. Be glad a woman wanted to hear about your bus erections, bro. Be thankful for things in life. Okay, I've got a special thing because Vito's not here. It's called Voted Up.

It's a song that goes with it. People say the show has turned into mud. A poor man's without a comic. Suckered and cucked by a man who's big bone. Who killed your family? Because you didn't vote. You voted 16 times. And what did you get?

A dig that's mean And a Vito's still fat St. Peter Don't you call me Because I can go Oh my soul The biggest problem dot show Oh you in for two, huh?

I didn't write anymore Because you all are gay Okay good Thank you sir Thank you, okay First voted up This is when we look at past problems And present them in a new light

So you've got to go to the scoreboard and vote them up, just to remind you that the scoreboard exists for voting. This one's called Missing the Game Winning Shot. It's when you got your chance on goal to take the game and you blow it. You know what I mean, Benny? This one is the man accused,

this was Vito's problem back when the assassin missed Trump by a little bit, and it happened again. The man accused of attempting to assassinate Donald Trump at a black tie gala in Washington agreed on Thursday to remain in custody. well, his case moves forward. Cole Allen would not immediately contest prosecutors' arguments that he was a danger to the community and should remain in jail. His attorney said in a court hearing, prosecutors argue that he carefully planned to attack Trump and other officials in his administration as they dined with some 2,600 journalists, politicians, and others in a ballroom, the Washington Hilton Hotel. They alleged in an illegal filing that he traveled by train from California to Washington, armed with a shotgun, and a 38-caliber pistol.

stole as well as knives and daggers and was, quote, willing to commit a mass shooting inside a room full of the highest ranking officials in the U.S. government. How about that? Caltech graduate, this guy took a train. You know, they're going to obviously throw the book at him, but, you know, when you take the train across state lines or you take anything across state lines, it becomes a way bigger problem for you. But the fact that he, you know, ran at the president with a shotgun. I don't think the semantics of the situation really matter. Did you see the video? Of him? No.

Yeah. They have videos. They're doing it? Oh. Yeah. There is. And it's shocking because I believe it was in a hotel in D.C. Yeah.

There's been a lot of security concerns about that hotel to begin with. Okay. And a lot of metal detectors, like all that equipment that they bring in to screen people before they could get in. Yeah. But there was also not a very big space between where all that the screening started. Okay. And where the doors, ballroom were.

Okay. This dude had a shotgun somehow concealed, which I don't know how you do that to begin with when you're that close to federal agents. I know. I don't know. You could just sneak like shotguns in. I didn't know that was on the table. He bolted faster than anybody I've ever seen. Jesse Owens would have looked like him about,

damn this dude was so fast basically like what are the guards or i don't know agents had like turned his back to look at something that the second his back is turned this dude like the flash right past him and then all these guys are like who and they turn around and start chasing him it's amazing that's it just run fast that's the that was his plan he i mean he never got in there. I believe a lot of shots were fired from the agents. I didn't hear that he got any shots off at all. I don't even think he made it into the room. I heard that he tripped, that he tripped like that was what brought him down that he tripped because he's running so fast. All right, they didn't show that part. All you see is him get right past the one security guard. It's like the

butt fumble. Like it's just the clip that's going to live forever. This guy is so bad at his job. He's going to get teased every day for the rest of his life. There's still. The guy running past him. Oh. So that's missing the game winning shot. I don't know. You got to, the assassins,

you guys need to like, they need to go over their plans, I think, and come up with something a little better than, like, just running. It's better than any other, and it's better than anything else.

Yeah. Okay, here's the next. I think it's a bad place to try to do it. Here's the next one. This is called cute shit. This was my problem from way back here I'm going to share this I'm going to share the screen for you here this is about the the onion the onion getting I don't know bought out sold to

there it is okay you see that Vinnie yeah I do that's that's yeah isn't that nice that's info wars but it's in a rainbow now With the onion logo, right in the middle. Yeah, and the onions there. This is from Tisler.com. Says the onion is turning Alex Jones' info wars into a parody site with a rainbow logo. For those who haven't followed the entire saga, this twist of fate is a result of the onion buying Jones Prize platform in a 2024 bankruptcy auction after he lost $1.5 billion telling the truth about Sandy Hook victims. Jones notably and falsely claimed that the 2012 shooting at a Connecticut

Elementary School was a false flag and a hoax, a dangerous belief that spread amongst his far right audience. The legal battle over the side is... Oh, it was used to spout anti-LGBQ rhetoric. Okay. Including the oft-meamed theory that chemicals in the water supply are creating gay frogs. That's what the gay website is the most upset about. the chemical's making gay frogs that has been ongoing since November 24 doesn't matter what made

the frogs gay doesn't it just matter that they're gay can't we just let them live what doesn't matter wouldn't the gay people be happy about the chemical that makes everybody gay then they could just like take over they could make everybody last about a generation but you know whatever it'd be fun it's gonna be a hell of a generation though no they could do They're making babies now, like the Open AI guys. They got a bunch of kids. The gay guys always got to do one kid for each of them. Oh.

I don't know if you noticed that. Oh, I'm like how my wife and I have a dog. Each other on a dog. Yeah, yeah. They each got to have their own kid, I noticed. All right. They buy them in pairs. Did you notice that?

They gave people. They buy those kids in pairs. Gotta love a deal, man. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know why. They all do it in pairs, but they do. This is the cute shit that I hate. It's like, you have your,

you hate Info Wars, you buy them, you can do whatever you want, and you just make it a gay joke. Like, this would be, this would be appropriate in, I don't know, even as like, it's like an insult from the 90s, but you're not using it as an insulting way.

You're using it as like a cute. Like, look at this. Like, we've claimed, we've claimed this in the name of queer. We've claimed this logo. Yeah, I feel like they're taking, trying to take homophobia back. By hating gay people.

No, by, by like, no, you see, your homophobia. We're rubbing your homophobia in your face. Yeah. What's your thing of you love? How do you like that? Yeah, it is kind of like, that. They took being gay.

It's okay. Now they're just taking homophobia and they're going to go around like Plank Smear the Queer and like gay bashing but they're going to do it. Right. Weaponizing it. Yeah. They're weaponizing homophobia. Right. It's like a rabbi painting a swastika on a synagogue, right? Like that.

Well, that's for sympathy. Okay. That's my voted up segment. There we go. This guy didn't trim the, First part of his MP3. I don't know why.

Some people say the show has turned into mud. Or man's without a comic. Suckered and cut. Suckered and cucked by a man who's big bone. Who killed your family? Because you didn't vote. You voted 16 times. And what did you get?

A dick that's mean. And a veto's still fat. St. Peter, don't you call me? Because I can go. Oh, my soul. The biggest problem. Thank you. Thank you, buddy. I didn't write anymore because you all...

Good, I'm glad you didn't. All right, my problem this week is office sex slaves or, I don't know, office sex slave drivers. I don't really know which one it is. This is the JP Morgan. Your answer? Yeah. Office sex slaves? Hmm, all right.

uh... they're not grateful this is a glamorous j p morgan exec accused of turning a married man broker into her office sex slaves uh... maybe i should just maybe this is just shitty bosses the guy's name this is how you know it's legit these complaints the guy's name is hajini uh... allegedly removed her shirt she says he says

uh... began fondling her breasts and racially she racially insult assaulted his wife saying, I bet your little Asian fishhead wife doesn't have these cannons. That's what this guy alleges that his JP Morgan executive boss said to him. I learned a slur. I did not know that was a slur for people. Fish heads? Yeah.

Yeah. I've never heard that before. Wild. Do you think that this woman? Let me pull up a picture of her. Do you think that this woman has ever heard that? before? Here it is.

You see that? Yeah. Yeah. Lorna Hajini, I think her name is. Lorna Hajimi? Yeah. He then, he then,

claims that she, this woman right here. This woman right here. He then claims that she, she looks like she's wine drunk most of the day. This one. he

then claims that she forcibly removed his pants and performed oral sex on him against his will and he continued to protest and began to cry according to his lawsuit that he's filed against JPMorgan

Hagini the woman allegedly admonished him for crying and scolded him for failing to achieve an erection stop fucking crying you think anyone would ever be fired it's like a bad episode of the jet

Jetson's. Jetson! Stop fucking crying. Stop crying while I suck your dick. What the... He put that in the lawsuit deck. He had to tell a lawyer that said, and then I was weeping and she yelled at me.

So this woman said, I bet your little Asian fish head wife doesn't have these cannons. That's what the woman said about her own breasts. She referred to them as cannons. The complaint reads, Stop fucking crying. She said,

you think anyone would ever believe you? You're a fucking douchebag who thinks he's hot shit, dude, he sounds Indian. You're a douchebag who thinks he's hot shit. But you can't even get your dick hard for me. What the fuck is this? She allegedly said.

Uh, okay. Would you call that a hostile work environment? I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's not the pillow talk I need. I'm just saying. My dick isn't hard, so it could be worse. During the second encounter, Hageni allegedly ordered him to suck her toes.

Man, that's a real freaky woman, if that happened. Pushed him to the ground and sat on his face. You know what my problem is? Believe all men. That's where we're at where we're thinking that this is even remotely possible that this shit happened. because everyone thought this was real Hijini allegedly ordered him to suck her toes pushed him to the ground and sat on his face

berating him when he was unable to sustain arousal I've I've never been with a woman that's berated me for being unable to sustain arousal they've been disappointed sure they've been annoyed absolutely but angry

like all the conversations after yeah not one time have they been even close to like this guy's describing my dad in light traffic

I'm very uncomfortable please Lorna please I'm begging you Doe claims he told her but she allegedly laughed before making a racist remark that at least his genitals didn't taste like curry

according to the complaint that's so are we believing any of this i mean i'm not right she's sitting on his face and he's sucking her toes and he's crying well he's getting like if she's into getting her toes sucked and sitting on this guy's face i doubt she's suck his dick you know suck a sex slave's dick i'm pretty sure uh i turned to a male broker into her office sex slave claims of Viagra spiking and a litany of obscene forced acts that made him cry. Yeah. I think he claimed that she would make him come over to her house or to her house.

Yeah. And she would make him drink and that she would, she spiked him with Roofies and Viagra. So that he would pass out and just be hard. Yeah. It's like It's like a level of planning that no woman is capable of And a level of horniness that no woman has ever experienced

That's like what we're being asked to swallow here And everyone just Everyone just totally buys this shit First comment everywhere That's wild if true the exec belongs in jail Like yeah I mean Did believe all women

fuck up everybody's brain so badly that we're now we're believing all men on something that is like obviously totally retarded and made up um it's a shame that someone is abusing

the system like this it really is it's like that do you remember that that Netflix thing the reindeer games did you see that show or little reindeer yeah yeah where that guy does Molly with that other guy and they're they're

he's trying to like fuck the gay guy to get a career in Hollywood and that fat woman harasses him yeah I remember that and she like fell in him yeah I watched that and I'm like this is uh this is totally retarded like he could stop doing this at any time um what a what a joke and then I I was totally in the wrong on that everybody really loved that show and they felt bad for that guy I was shocking to me. Well, I would feel bad for anybody who has a woman the size of my car harassing them every day and showing up to my job saying that we fucked.

Yeah, that'd be a problem for me. Yeah. I'd feel bad for me. I'm just saying. But now, if you work for J.P. Morgan Chase and you're like an executive and you find out that a lady down the hall was supposedly doing this. Like, do you talk to HR? I'd be like, so where are the lines? What am I allowed to do?

Can we get the union in here? How do we? Can I get in on this? Yeah, this guy's not. You're very aggressive. I'll give it a shot. We just did. We've been covering the Vince McMahon lawsuit from that woman, Janelle Grant.

Have you read anything from that dick? No, is that the one that Vince McGran like stopped filming his documentary over? Yeah. The one that he was like this? the one where he had to leave the company and then come back and merge it with UFC to make another company, then leave again. Because he didn't have him in the building. Yeah, that lawsuit. Did he do it?

Well, there's a lot of evidence. There's a lot of text messages. There's a lot of stuff out there. Yeah. But if the woman is to be believed, she was legitimately a sex slave for Vince. Yeah. And he was asking her around the office to other two. that worked there.

Yeah. There's a guy who was like in charge of talent relations, John Laronitis. He like penciled her in to go visit him at like one o'clock on Tuesdays. And then part of the thing is she was, you know, coming to his office doing whatever he told her to his office. He was like letting his trainer bang her. He was just like, asking this woman around. And she only got three mill. How many times did she have sex?

Do you know? Oh, for a couple of years. And Brock Lesnar, Vince was trying to give her to Brock Lesnar, according to some of this. And Brock was making her make videos of herself peeing and send them to him. Wait, wait, wait. Who would pee? Brock Lesnar? She would pee.

And then he would watch it. Yeah, he was. Vince said to her, you're going to start getting messages from a guy who's going to call himself Polish Joe, but it's really Brock Leszner. You better do whatever he says because I'm trying to get a new contract with this guy and I need him for WrestleMania.

So you better piss, suck, fuck whatever you got to do. But mostly piss. Okay. Is that all it takes? Just change your name to Polish Joe and then you can't get screenshotted? No, it was a good tip.

He just texted her one day. He just texted her one day. It's like, hey, it's Polish Joe. you got a bottle of water handy wow I guess that shit does happen there are sex slaves in corporate America yeah but like a man that's like a man who's

totally insane like you can look at Vince McMahon and he's and he obviously looks like a sex criminal like he's even got a little sex criminal mustache you're like man I really hope that guy is a pedophile because he's obviously a sex criminal

I hope he just keeps it to women that mustache was tired to the railroad tracks. That's what that mustache he had was. And then rape her. Oh, yeah. And that law in the lawsuit, dude, she claims that she was having

a three way with him and like his trainer. Right. And that Vince lost control of his bowels while he was standing over her. He counted her hair. But she made her lay in it and continue. See, that's how I know it's real. Because that is exactly

what she'd be upset about. Not the, not the prostitution. Not the abuse is not even the shit, but that it got in my hair. Yeah. And that's how I know this one is bullshit because none of this stuff as a woman has ever done any of it. Sitting on my face, no, they don't really like doing that. Only in porn. Yeah, she looks like she's probably awful to work for.

Like I'm just looking at her face. She's probably kind of a terrible boss and this is a real fun way to like ruin reputation. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, who knows what kind of a fuck up this guy is on the job? You know what I mean? Like, he probably's like, I'm never going to work anyway. Let's take care of her on my way out.

I mean, if he, if he's telling the truth, that's even a way bigger fuck up than if he's making it all up. Because you kind of, we kind of allow, we allow like women to get in these situations. Because you probably got tricked and worn down. and you know you got threatened and I just we know how women think so I could easily see how you got put in this situation and taking advantage of and raped and we're going to do something about it but for a guy it's like yeah man you you really should have you kind of should have seen this like if a woman doesn't change the oil oil on her car you're like you yeah you know they don't do that but if a guy doesn't do you say hey man you really should have done something about this like it's just totally the botanic judges you a lot harsher Yeah. Yeah. So. You let her, you let your boss call your wife a fish head while she was blowing you?

Huh. And then you cried. And you cried? That's not really enough. You cried during a blow job? Huh. Well, okay. Yeah.

Anyway, that's my problem. Can I just say it's horrible bosses? I'll just do horrible bosses. All right. Okay, your turn. I brought a problem tonight. This is, this one that's near and dear to my heart.

Can we please stop making it so easy for dangerous perverts, everybody? Sound like a plan? Shut down the internet? No, no. I just realized something. Yeah, okay.

No, no, I've said the dangerous perverts. Oh, okay. Did you know that there are currently one billion surveillance cameras across the planet that are active? A billion? One billion. 600 million. 600 million of those are in China. 85 million of them are right here in the old US of A.

And those are ones that are public. Those are public surveillance cameras. Yeah. I have its surveillance cameras are everywhere now, too, with companies like ring. Yeah. And we're going to talk about ring in a second. Okay. They're fucked up, bro.

I didn't know half the shit about what they're up to. But we all know this. We all know that cameras are everywhere. You knew they were bad when their Super Bowl ad was like, we find dogs. Like, uh, hmm. That's odd to focus on that. Shouldn't you be finding, like, criminals and stuff? Not only that.

The program that they use to find dogs and stuff like that reads and scans people's license plates as they drive by too. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's a lot of information that those things can collect. And I don't know if you know this. Do you know how they first started marketing those? Rings? Yeah.

Yeah, they're on Shark Tank. Oh, yeah, okay. They're on Shark Tank. Oh, what a great idea. So then the way that they really marketed them to people was they would go to police stations and throw parties for the cops and be like, hey, you should tell people to get a ring.

And so cops are just going on. You should get one of those ring doorbells. It'll be great for you. So now they're getting endorsed by the cops. They had to change their business practices a bunch because the police were able just to subpoena or just call them up and they would just hand them footage

from people's houses and stuff like that. And that's pretty illegal. A lot of the courts had to get involved. But just a few years ago, they said they stopped doing that. And then they announced this year there's a new app and a new partnership that they have with this other company. And what they're doing, Dick, is the exact same thing. All the cops have to do is go on an app and go, hey, I'm a police officer. I'm requesting the footage from 232 Maple Street at 345.

And they like text it to him. Yeah. It's unbelievable. It's the same thing. But because it's a third party, you know, app they can still get away with it. Oh, so they just, like, leave their data, they leave all the data, like, in a box. And they're like, well, I hope no one looks in this box that's out behind the 7-Eleven. Up until 2023, all the ring doorbell information was stored in a warehouse in Ukraine for some reason.

Oh, really? Really, truly. Isn't that interesting to you? That's, I mean, that's, the backup or the main stuff? I would have thought it would be in Israel. I'm not sure. I am not sure. I'm not that advised.

But when you start thinking about this, all these people are installing these all for, you know, noble causes. They want to protect their property. They want to protect their homes. They want to watch their fat aunt fall down the stairs. Oh shit. Every now and I'm all for that.

I love body cam footage. I want the cops to, you know, catch you honest, though. I hate, you know, traffic light cameras. That's bullshit. Yeah. But what we've done Well, how come nothing is safer? Like there's all, there's a billion security,

there's a billion surveillance cameras, but it's, it seems like it's more dangerous than, like it doesn't seem like they're catching more bad guys with it. Are they? It's not the deterrent we think it is, clearly. Yeah, they don't care. I mean, how many videos are on the internet

of people walking into a store clearing out a shelf into a bag and walking out. Yeah. Nobody gives shit. Yeah. Nobody cares. But what we did was we created this giant network of surveillance cameras that operate on a peer-to-peer basis. That's how you could just connect to your ring doorbell with your phone so easily.

You just go, da-da-da-da-da. Oh, look, I'm connected. And I could go anywhere and see what's going on at my house. Oh, I'm going to put a security camera in here. I'm going to put a security camera in there. There's a camera in your refrigerator. There's cameras and rumbas. Those things are just little fucking upskirt machines, dude.

Did you see the guy that he was like, he was using, he was using some like vibe coding shit, like AI coding thing. And he was trying to make it talk to his Roomba to make it to make it clean his house so he could do it over the internet. And it turned out that like all the Roombas used the same encryption key. So when he connected his app that the AI wrote, he had access to everybody's Roomba on the planet. Yeah, nobody thought somebody would come up with that idea. No, I didn't. Yeah, no. It was funny.

I guess it was good that he, it was nice of him, and he turned it in. It was very kind of him to turn it in. Yeah. So are they catching bad guys with this? Sure. I'm sure that they are. But let me ask you this question. Having all these cameras everywhere, at some point, the cops are just going to get lazier and fucking lazier and lazier.

Right? They're, you know, they're just going to go, oh. The juries are lazier too now. Like, it's, uh, it's impossible to get anybody convicted because they want to see, because there's so much video surveillance that if they don't get video surveillance of the crime, they just won't believe you. You want to know something even crazier, the problem with these? Now all these surveillance cameras, they're trying to, uh, install AI software and face

real recognition software into all of them. Yeah. And that's backfiring. Uh, here's some example. A guy named Robert Williams in Detroit was arrested in front of his wife and his two daughters because a computer looked at a grainy security still and went, that's the guy, dragged him to jail, 30 hours in a cell, completely wrong guy. A woman named Portia Woodruff was arrested for carjacking.

She was eight months pregnant and at home. When it happened? Yeah. Yeah. And they're fucking up. One guy robbed a dude full tattoos all up and down his arms. It recognizes another guy who's been arrested from a mugshot who has no tattoos on his arms. And he's still getting arrested and hauled into jail.

Cops are going to get lazier and lazier. They are. All it sees is with the data that they train it to see. It's not going to fucking solve all these problems. Yeah, I didn't think about that. Like the doctors, doctors are going to get lazier. Programmers are just going to are lazy as shit already. Everything's breaking down.

But if the cops just have an AI using all the ring cameras, they are not going to do. They're just going to arrest whoever the computer says. Right. Yeah. And then you're going to have to fucking sit there and figure it out. Yeah. Not sure. And we already have, I mean, the system is already fucked with private jails.

I mean, good luck getting out of there. This is a bad scene. And like I said, the peer-to-peer situation with this leaves all of these ring doorbells, all these home security systems open to people very simply. They, what is it, a UID they call it? They just got to get the UID off the device. It's all they need. And they can see anything they want to see.

So my biggest problem in the universe is surveillance cameras everywhere. There's five of them in your phone right now. I know, dude, and I'm part of the problem. I got the fucking Alexa. I got a bunch of security cameras, but I'm so cheap that I wouldn't, I refuse to buy the ring because you have to pay for their like $4 a month cloud hosting thing. Yeah. So I'm like, no, fuck that.

I'm not going to spend, you know, $40 a year or $400 a decade, just to host videos. I'll do it myself. But yeah, I'm sure. it's getting out somehow. The only solution is just more, you've got to have more cameras. We're already, we've got to pass. Towers. Gun towers is what we

need. On every street is somebody's standing watch. Have you seen those masks that you can wear that will make your face unrecognizable to surveillance cameras? You have? Oh yeah, man. Do you have one? There's ones that have, no, I don't have one. But they have lights. There's ones that have

lights on them that completely obscured. in your face. It's all sorts of them. Yeah, they look cool. Maybe we should start doing that. Because I think it's infrared, right? Like a lot of those cameras, they're black and white,

and they just have, like, infrared on them. So it just have to send the same frequency back and it, like, scrambles it, I think. Yeah. I don't know. Probably smarter than me is going to say he is completely wrong. I don't care.

Just can't do illegal shit anymore. All right. Is that your problem? Too many surveillance cameras? Yeah. Let me play the sound that indicates that the problem is over. Okay, there it is. All right, my...

What the hell was that? My second problem is I never pay my hospital bill of people. Have you seen any of those people? No. So me in. I don't know. I don't know when this started. I don't remember it.

I don't remember it happening recently until, like, hospital bills became like a coming of age. I was, uh, I was molested by my uncle kind of, um, uh, social, uh, social milestone for everybody getting a hospital bill. But these guys that insist, anytime it comes up, like, yeah, I got a big old bill from the hospital. I don't know why. and they they never stop I was like I had a kid

and hospital bills started coming and they never I don't remember the hospital that it's from I don't remember this amount

I'll get a bill from the same hospital again like three weeks later that I'll get like a teaser bill like an appetizer bill for a couple hundred bucks and I'll think that I escaped from

you know from getting raped I'm like oh yeah 400 bucks sure that was great. Is that all that cost? Yeah, okay, where's the portal? I'll log in and pay that immediately. And then it must, maybe it has some kind of a timer where if you pay your hospital bill early, it sends you like a giant whopper of a bill.

Yeah, it just sends you all their people's bills that aren't paying. I think that's what it does. Because every single time I get another bill a couple days later that's like add a zero onto the end. I think, well, all right. Thank God I already have an account at this. Thank God I already have an account at this place that never matches the name of the hospital I'm at, but I'm sure it's the right place because I call and check every time. I'll just log in and pay it. And then because I'm paying it and, you know, thinking about it, the phone registers hospital bill. So it starts serving me hospital bill content.

And every time I see this discussion pop up. Oh, look at me. I just look at this. I got raped for $9,000. Oh, look at this hospital bill. And I don't even remember this. They lost the test for this one. Someone will chime in in the comments and say,

oh, yeah, I haven't paid a hospital bill ever. I just throw them away. Or my uncle just throws them. I'd never paid a hospital bill in my life. Every single time. I don't know what it is. They understand that they can't, like, repossess your kid. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know who these people are. I don't know why they get off on making up such a ridiculous lie. Like floating the promise of not having to pay $30,000 for what is basically an X-ray

and sitting in a linoleum room for 30 hours. I don't know why it gets them off pretending that they don't participate in paying off a hospital bill online. But they're by far the worst kind of troll. I don't believe them. I don't believe them that can't possibly be true, but I know in my heart,

I know deep down that they're probably telling the truth and that they probably just don't pay their hospital bills, and it's probably fine for them. So here's what I think. Yeah, go ahead. Here's what I think. Don't hate yourself. Don't hate yourself over this.

you should still rightfully hate them. Because the only thing I can care of this mentality to is like a sovereign citizen, right? Who has been pulled over? Yeah. They're the sovereign citizen who's driving with no insurance for 10 years and has been very, very lucky. And that gets pulled over that one time and that their shit is fucked. And then they go to jail, right?

Yeah. Then they go to jail. Their car gets towed. They look like an idiot. Their friends and family. They have to go to court and explain to a judge how the system doesn't apply to them. I need that. I need that loss.

Like every time I feel like I'm smart, I go to the Wall Street bets on Reddit and see all the loss porn, like people losing, you know, a million dollars doing some stupid shit. And it helps. It makes me feel better. Like, it makes me feel like there's, it's like, it makes me feel that things are real again. Like, oh, yeah, stupid people do get raped. That's great. Like, this is, this is exactly what I want to see. I'm leaving everything in index.

but I never get to see that for these hospital idiots that claim they never pay a bill. And I know even me talking about is going to get a response like, I never pay my bills, or you got to call or these other idiots that go, you've got to call and negotiate with them. And I think that's not real. I got a barter with the hospital for over the bill that they sent me. Yeah, I don't think so.

That's what makes me question the whole system. Yeah. Thing? If you could treat it like a used car, you got to go in there. You got to go there and talk to the doctor and be like, hey, listen, I need terms on this before we get going.

I need to know. The fucking hospital lies, the lies around people paying their hospital bills are like the my dad, my uncle works at Nintendo, and you have to fight a robot after Mike Tyson when you beat him. And then you have to fight a shadow version of yourself.

It's like those those same sick weirdos that would lie as kids, something that could not not be, you know, confirmed. They're still continuing to do it to this day. And, um, and they're the worst. They're the worst.

That's my, that's my problem as those guys. Yeah. Fungless people. Hospital bill. Hospital bill. Liars. I don't know what to call it. There's got to be, there's got to be some reality show of like the hospital bill collectors somewhere that's had to have happened. Where they show up and shake you down.

Yeah. for kidney money? Yeah. They just show up to your work and be like, hey, do you remember when we were there for you when your appendix went, pal? Well, that's what I, then I started thinking down those lines. I'm like, okay, well, wait,

what happens if you just don't pay it? Because it was $38,000 and then it's a minus of like $30,000 for insurance. So that's, that seems like they got enough. Like, do I really need to close this gap here? I don't think so. Now that I'm thinking. thinking about this.

It might be really, really smart for hospitals to just start hiring goons. Because, you know, these people are just going to be so brazen about not paying, send somebody over, break their thumbs,

and then they still gotta go to the hospital. And they, hey, we're not going to pay. We're not going to fix it until you pay us. At least, like,

the guys that say they can negotiate with the IRS and then you pay like pennies on the dollar. Do you remember those radio ads? Oh, yeah. That was like,

That was like radio of the 90s, right? That's like all serious X-M ad for 10 years. That and like man-man-balls or whatever it calls. Like wash your balls, man-balls.com. Man-groomer. Man-groomer, yeah. At least I figure, okay, those guys have to be telling the shoes because they spent money on this ad,

but maybe they're also lying just to be jerks. They just have a warehouse full of things that electrocute you where you try to shave your back with. No, I mean, the pennies on the, IRS one, that ad. Maybe the hospital guys need to start running ads. Like, I just don't pay my bill. Find out

how at lemon party.org. Mail me $2, too. Mail me your bills. I'll eat them. Mail me your hospital bill. I'll eat them. Yeah. Yeah. Perfect. Or just find somebody who's

your subordinate at work and make them eat it. Do you think that woman did all that stuff? probably not I like to think so that's my problem okay what do you got what's your what's your last problem

I despise the fact that weed is legal now oh you do I do I'm an enthusiast well bro it's it's so terrible now man I live in New York State

and now I have to pay taxes on weed Oh, yeah. I don't pay taxes on fun recreational drugs. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And now go get it.

Like, you don't have to be cool anymore. Like, you don't have to know somebody. You just have to go to like a shitty pharmacy. Yeah. And stay in there with like 10 guys that look like me. No, you got to go to like their wannabe Apple store. Like the. Oh, yeah.

How every, I don't know why all the weed people want to make like a weed apple store. But that's where you got to go now. It's so bad. And it literally is. It's dudes with tablets like, are you, did you like an indica or would you like a sativa? Dude. And they have like deals that they're, I don't know. They think, I don't know if they're like, I don't know if they just like picked up the pattern of used car salesmen

where they're trying to move certain products, which is baffling to me. Like, I don't know why. We got to get this. Maui, why we out of here? Yeah. here's something new that you want to check out. Like, Motherville, there hasn't been anything new in weed in like 10,000 years. What are you talking about new?

You walk in and, like you said, it's a display like the Apple stores of different sized and shaped and colored pieces of plastic vapes. Yeah. And then jars of weed. Like, I'm supposed to know what I'm looking at. I mean... I don't go in there very often, but every time I go in, it changes. So there's no reason for me to learn anything.

And they call themselves bud tenders. Oh, God, do they? For that, they should all be dragged from their beds in the middle of night and left bleeding in the moonlight. I would quote George Carlin. But it's just so annoying. And that the culture, like, you know, something that used to be kind of fun, you know, now if you want to have fun, you got to go to heavier drugs. And that's probably not good for anybody either. That's true.

If you want to be cool, you got to do the heavier stuff now. That's what happens, man. You can't let everybody into the playhouse. It used to be like, oh, yeah, you'd see like a variant of weed. Like, well, this weed has something sprinkled on it. And you're like, whoa, what? And they're like, I don't know, man. You're going to have to find out.

But now when you hear about the weed, it's like you're hearing about someone's foster dog. It's like, oh, yeah. So this weed's like an indica, this. It's got this sprinkled on. I don't even want to know. I don't care. I don't even want to get high anymore. Do you want this infused with strawberries?

Like do you remember when they did that shit to beer and ruined beer? Yes. They just started. Yeah. It's still, it's still totally ruined. Beer has the same thing where if you don't like, if you don't pay attention like, like you're watching like the NFL draft or like you're watching like baseball stats,

you cannot go get the same beer anywhere. Like it's all these, it's all these cans with stickers for labels because they're just like making. making a bunch of garbage all the time. They totally ruined it. Yeah. And weeds go in the same way, man. Now my mom is going to get,

they're going to get my mom gummies. So she's going to be fucking sitting up giggling at Gutfeld. Fuck that. Your mom watches Gutfeld. I'm just saying. Have you a good podcast? Giggling. with Gutfeld.

Oh, God. I'm just saying, I feel like the culture that's being built around something that I loved very much. I don't recognize it anymore. I'm like the old man sitting there watching the neighborhood get gentrified

and just going, I remember all the pubs I used to live here. It was great. Yeah, we didn't know this would happen when it was legal. I didn't see it looking like a cell phone store. No, I didn't. I could not have predicted.

I don't know why all the weed people got together and said, hey, let's make cell phone stores, but they did. And you know how many dudes are behind in their child support now because of this? I'll just point that out. The social aspect was the best part. It would encourage you to go out of your comfort zone and befriend people that are not like you. And you learn a little bit about them and they're drug dealing.

But now they're just like your slave. You go into the store and it's just like your weed slave who's there to, who's there to con you into buying some plastic infused piece of shit. You ever have to wait it in line to buy weed in your life? Only now.

Only since it became legal. I got to go wait in the fucking car. And I feel like I'm doing something wrong now. And I didn't then. Because you are. Yeah. You know, there's so many things about it that are dumb now.

But like, again, the social aspects cool, but having to know somebody and make it a thing, you know, it was way cooler. It was way cooler. And I was just dumb. Yeah. So that's my problem. And the other stuff is not, not cool.

It's not, it's not going to make you the same kind of friends. Yeah. It's all ruined. It's all ruined. Everything I love to do drug. Yeah. Okay. So our problems are.

horrible bosses uh cute oh no horrible bosses um there's too many surveillance cameras uh weed legalization

and what was my other one I forget oh it was people who don't pay their hospital bills bragging about it. Yeah people who don't liars people who don't pay their hospital bill liars. All right let me read some super

chats here Vinny. Thank you again for doing the show uh bald Bald Max for 20. Missed you gentlemen. So here's some inspiration to keep coming back. Thank you. I'll let Vito know that you missed this. Not Mothman for two.

Thanks, I was worried that history was repeating. Charles Baker for two. The biggest problem in the universe is doing a show every week. It's quite difficult. Steve for five, welcome to the biggest problem in audio episode 226. I hope it sounded okay. If it was my fault, it wasn't. It might.

I hope it was your fault. Baldor for two. Countdown. Chud Bronson for five. Fucking amazing show tonight. First time I have donated a month. Thank you. Riley and Friends for two.

A Viannan Nation represent. Beechook for five. They might say fish head, but absolutely no chance. A white person called an Indian Asian. Yes, good point. Kevin Flesher for 10. Kevin the Temp Audio Engineer here. My wife won the Olympics raffle.

She spent $2,600 on tickets. Only one event that's worth going for all the tickets we got. I felt like dying when she told me. See? You see what we're dealing with here? That's awful. That's awful. Hey, honey, guess what I won?

The Olympics raffle. Oh, wow. What does that mean? We get free tickets? No, I spent $2,600 on water polo. Water polo. Oh. Huh.

And then Vitos for two says, who is this Kai? Love you, Vin. Oh, so Vito's doing super chats, I guess. He's got time for super chats, but not time to do podcasting. W show, you got to love Vinny Carlino. Riley and Friends says for two. Vinnie Paulino. That's me.

That's the creep off. That's a fun little joke that everybody likes to say because John Melendez doesn't know my name. So he calls you Jenny Carlino? Yeah, it's pretty fun. It's a fun little joke. How's that lawsuit going, stuttering John's lawsuit? Last I heard. it's all going to get settled probably by July because the judge called all the lawyers in and read them the riot act and said there's going to be no oral arguments.

I'm just going to read everything but you imbeciles have all submitted. Not you, Danny. Carl and Shulies lawyers are a really good guy, but John's lawyer's a maniac. I'll tell you what's amazing. What's Carl's lawyer's name? Danny what? Savalos, I think. Danny Savalos.

He's like an MSNBC talking. head kind of dude. He's on a lot of stuff. And John's lawyer has a pressure situation with his eyeball. He keeps wanting to explode out of his head. His mom's 100 years old and his car got hit. And so he had to buy a new car. He, this guy, you should have read some of these emails to the court from this guy

as to why he shouldn't have to come and talk to the judge. It was pretty wild. Yeah. But the judge was like, I'm just going to read all this and rule. And John, however, says he is out of the dabbled verse, he's moving on, and he's going on tour. Oh, well, you know, destitution and death. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So, worlds collided for me, Dick. And I don't want to get too deep into this on your show, but there was a guy that he used to work for named Artie Fletcher. And Artie is a fucking sleaze-bag. Artie is just, I mean, he hustles and hustles and hustles and hustles and just doesn't give a shit.

He will lie, cheat, steal, whatever he's got to do. And I'm not trying to be a complete asshole to the guy, but I work directly for him. Because he managed. Okay. So he worked for this company. This guy bought a chain of hotels. Yeah. And what he wanted to do was really,

rehabed them all, have his own chain of hotels. He bought one in Rochester, a terrible one. That's like now one of like those urban playgrounds where it's just like the rats took over. Yeah. People go film it for YouTube. But he bought this hotel and he wanted to put a comedy club in all of these hotels as like entertainment for the guests.

Oh, wow. So this guy already is like, I could do that for you, pal. I could do that for you. And they hire him. and he starts putting in these joke factory comedy clubs with the worst acts you've ever seen. So I got hired there because a guy that I used to work for recommended me as like Vinny's a really good, smart dude.

He can help manage your club for you. Okay. Call him. And I get hired. And I work directly for this guy at the Rochester club. And it was absolutely wild because the place ended up falling apart. he was sending axe and I think he was paying like the ex a very silly low amount of money. Yeah.

And yeah, he just kept everything shoe string budget and eventually his mouth got him fired. But John, he's now John's man like touring with John. Okay. So that was the point. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just said to tell this whole thing. It's so much.

So now John found the biggest comeback that there is to represent him. And they both found out in Florida. and like already goes on these tours dick and I've been doing like episodes of WAPD about this there's a clip on Carl's channel you can check out but this dude he toured with this thing he called the Jokes on You Comedy Tour and he had here's the lightups he had

he had himself Richard Pryor's daughter Rain who really didn't do much comedy but you know she was on a sitcom oh she was Brock her off okay she was on I think head of the class or something like that. So they bring her and then she gets Bob Nelson who is awful. Wow. Just a child's cartoon.

But then they get rid of rain and they brought in Gallagher. So it was a great lineup. Is he still smashing stuff? Oh, he's dead. Oh. Bro, I had to babysit Gallagher. What? What he was in Rochester?

Yeah, I had to babysit him for like two and a half weeks. He he. What? So already met Gallagher because I found out he was like living up in Binghamton just like lounging around up there and a comic I knew told me. So I got the contact information. I'm like, I'll get Gallagher to this club to the shitty fucking hotel by the airport. He's like doing nothing in his career. Yeah.

So they get Gallagher. But the deal. Gallagher was like, hey, listen, I need a place to stay for a couple of weeks before before the show. because I'm like just traveling. So they moved him into the hotel for like a few weeks before his actual show happened. Oh my God. How many people are at this hotel normally?

Like is it just a... Seven. Seven, eight. But I had to go like get Gallagher weed and shit. You can't get his own weed? No, he didn't know anybody. I mean, this was like 2011. But that's the kind of stuff.

That's the cool stuff you could do. do when weed was illegal. You'd have to go get it. Yeah. Yeah. Hang out with Gallagher. Gallagher owes you. That's not fun.

You don't want Gallagher to owe you. What would he talk about? Gallagher himself. Like his process? Dude, he's a crazy. Crazy shit to me, Dick. Okay. One time I'm trying to, he's sitting in the back seat.

Like, I'm chauffeering him somewhere. Like, I swear to God, this is exactly what he said. He goes, you know, Vanny. I own the movie rights to the teenage mutant ninja turtles, but the Yakuza stole them from me. Shit like that, he would tell me. I invented a special device for, uh, for, uh, was it, uh, slot machines for casinos. And I patented it and I did this and nobody will buy it.

He's mad about that. But the weirdest thing was the first time I ever rolled a joint with Gallagher. He was like, hey, Vinnie, come with me. You want to see the hammer? Yes. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So he takes me up to his room. And it wasn't even like a hammer. It was like something with a board nail do it with a handle. It wasn't like the sledgehammer. It wasn't the sledgehammer. It was just this amazing fucking thing. And then he goes, hey, sit on over there.

And they gave him a suite. So it had a little couch in it. Okay. And he says, sit out and show you something. And he takes his shoes off and has the worst looking fucking feet I've ever to my life. And for the next hour and a half read me, poetry that

he wrote on his iPad. What was the nature of the poetry? What was the theme? Was it jokes? Like limericks or what? It was like limericky, but not funny. Oh, God. Look at the duck in all of his look.

Shit like that. Like Buzz Farrington. Yeah. In fact, I think he had a website Gallagher smash.com. I doubt it's still up. But he posted all of them on there. Oh, no. Yeah. So he was representing Artie for like year.

Artie was representing Gallagher all towards the end. Gallagher would like stay. Artie lived with his mom. And Gallagher would sleep on the couch. Oh, Jesus. And now he's touring with John. Comedy's fun, man. It's a weird world.

So you didn't get, you didn't get to touch the sledge ofmatic. then. Oh, I touched it. It wasn't the real sledge of medic, though. It was whatever the fuck that thing was. Oh, okay. It just wasn't like it. It was just garbage. It was like garbage being glued together. It was like if Caratop was on trailer park boys and had to make the thing, it's just terrible. So he didn't even have his hammer. He had like a crude facsimile. Yeah. That's sad. And it had a board, like just like a piece of like wood, nailed on. to the bottom of it so it had a flat surface. It'll smash better

that way. It's not the same though Gallagher. I watched Gallagher screaming a kid once. That was awesome. He had these t-shirts that he had like 30 colors on them or something so they were like $100. It's a print.

Yeah, no, they were like $100 to buy at his show. It was like the only merch he had and it looked like kind of like a crosso portrait of him. But, okay. So I was in charge of the merch table. The opening act was already, was on the stage, and Gallagher comes out to me. And he wants to know how many of these $100 t-shirts he sold.

None. Okay. I'm standing at a kid, because, like, kids came to these shows. Yeah. Because of the Gallagher. Funny. So, like a preteen, 11 or 12 year old kid comes up and he goes, Hey, Gallagher.

And he's like, hey there, young man. Just stupid fucking suspenders. And the kid's like, how do I know you're the real Gallagher and not your brother? Oh, no. Yeah. Dude. How do I know you're not your brother? You little shit.

He just laid into this kid because he hated the brother so much. Yeah. He was right. That's the best. Oh, we got more super chats. Oh, good. Let's see. Wait, wait, wait.

Who is, you know, Riley and Friends says W. You got to love Vinnie Carlino. Blunder of you for two says, get the natural sea salt with zero additives. Is that another inside joke? No clue. let's cool it with the inside jokes we don't do that kind of thing here johnny rocket for 10 uh thanks for the shout out on our comic viny johnny rocket uh is is writing super killers the comic my pleasure bro i thought that was fun davy too dope for 10

says sending money since veto won't get any uh well he will uh balder for two i said the words play the damn countdown you didn't say the words balder you idiot you just said you just said countdown solo conal 34 for five viny why do you think why do you think veto lost his marbles and torched his once successful show so i don't know that but if i had to guess maybe the bathtub ozumpic i don't know that's you think that's bad do you think that people are going to like start having their bones like shitting out their bones because of all the ozimic that they're doing dude their livers are going to fall out of their assholes it's going to be amazing It's just like, I can't believe how excited people are to take this totally untested chemical.

Uh, as someone who's taking a lot of untested chemicals, I think. Yeah, that's not, that's not in the safe zone. That's not in the risk zone yet. That's not in the gray area yet. That's still in the red. You're going to want to wait. It's supposed to be an emergency treatment for like diabetes. It's not, shouldn't be just for weight loss.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, this isn't like a summer body thing. You guys are being very wrecked. Didn't you guys see Jurassic Park? You're not supposed to be reckless with science or it will eat you while you're taking your shit. I almost made GLPs my problem tonight. Oh, yeah.

Because I dropped about 65 pounds through very, very, very, very hard work. And the nicest people say to me is they go, oh, O-ZMPIC? Yeah. I want to kill them all. every one of them I want to bounce their heads off their shoulders. How about that? How about that?

Okay. All right, everybody. Thank you. Thank you, Vinny, again. And thanks everybody for tuning in. Sorry for all the missed episodes. I didn't do it on purpose. All right. Bye-bye. Oh, go check off the creep-off.

What's your Patreon? Thank you. Patreon.com backslash the creep-off. If you don't mind going over there, just vote for your pal Vinny. I'm in a tight one right now, and I need a win. so I appreciate that.

It's free to vote. Patreon.com slash the creepoff. It's free to vote, but you should pay anyway. Riley and Friends for two says the countdown. I don't know. I don't get what you wanted to happen there, Riley, but I don't think it's going to happen. All right, goodbye, everybody.

Whoa! I guess it is. Thank you.