The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 228

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

I can't. The city has been destroyed. We can save us from the ramp. Oops. Oh, there it goes. I heard Vinnie say the name of the character should be Countdown. Instead of what? Instead of that count.

Oh! He said it. He said it. He got tricked. Did it sing it. Stupid. What was that? Did it go away?

Did what go away? The numbers? The warehouse? Is that what you want me to say? The warehouse? Did they go away on their own? Did the numbers go away? Welcome to the show.

Where is the other thing? What other thing? There it is. Oh, okay. Who's got, is somebody echoing? What? Who's echoing? Biggest.

Fucking my nuts are echoing one. Rob,op. One, two. My fucking balls are echoing. One, two. Welcome to the biggest problem of the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From horrible boss, from my horrible boss to cameras spilling hot goss.

From obtuse and Gnome. From a podcast, ghost to on-air host. I don't know what that means. From fish-headed wives to fat guys' lives. Dayman, that's a good one. That's a good one, day man. I'm your host Dick Masterson. I forgot about the loop.

Joining me is always sort of is Vito Giswoldi. That's always sort of. Sort of. I missed one week. What do you mean? It's been like a month. That's not my fault. Oh, God.

Who cares who's fault it is? It's been like a month. What I'm saying? You're saying joining me as sometimes or something. I'm here. Good night, everybody. What? Your take from that was that it's not your fault? I don't know.

I don't know what you said exactly. Where's the drum roll? You said co-host sometimes. Where's the drum roll? Yeah, because it's been like a month. There it is. I miss the button, though. I hate that stupid screen button.

No more Walmarts I don't know who won with you and Billy Who was the best problem Do you think? Well I don't know because we didn't have a vote I guess But who had the best problem Out of the two of you do you think? Me I think

What was your problem? Being the only fat guy at the party I think was a good one Okay Did anyone have a problem that was not about food? No we did specifically It was all food episodes That we did all food problems

That was the gimmick all right the audience one uh no i did some great problems on that episode you should listen to it man yeah

i mean i tried to i tried to listen to your viny episode and i was like ah you know hey they gave it a try i guess uh yeah i'll uh right after i do my taxes from last year i will get right on listening to your billy sounds good to you and billy but if you want to hear me and billy do a great episode it's at youtube dot com slash veto in the live tab everybody loved it uh the last the last last last last last show

no more 24 hour walmarts that was the winner oh okay um that was you AI scams i think that was you wait that won people hate not having the walmart man yeah a lot of people miss it it's like their version of cheers but there was a lot of no jokes no one's getting late was a lot of of fun. Well, who came in second? You also with AI scams. I don't remember what that one was about. It was about, uh, I think it was something that happened to you on Twitter, I think. Okay. Uh, I, I think you already did it once before. So that's the only reason I remember it was Twitter.

Because it was, you called it something like design dice. Well, it's a classic. Uh, internet mafia bosses, the quartering, that was just when the quartering was starting. Now everybody's mad at Chrissy Mayor. I don't even, you know. You follow all this crap for some reason, right? I mean, I know it from being on Twitter. Yeah. They're all mad that Chrissy Mare didn't yell at Melanie Mac. Yeah, that's valid.

I guess. I don't know, man. I don't care about any of these stuff. You're pro-Millian Mac. Are you here tonight saying that you're pro-Christ and pro- I just don't look at Chrissy Mare and I go, you know who's really going to take Melanie Mac to task is Chrissy Mare? Like, I don't think of Chrissy Mare is like a hard-hitting

journalist lady. Here's the thing, Vito. Here's the thing, Vito. It's called being a situationally aware. When you have somebody on your show. Well, just like don't bring her on, you mean? Like, just don't bring her on the show. Be aware of what you're doing. Be aware of what you're doing and how other people are going to take it. If you bring somebody on your show who's embroiled in a controversy, a big one that's like the cornerstone of free speech online, you better be aware of that. And you better know what you're doing and ask them questions, honestly. You better hold their feet to the fire a little bit. It's okay if you say, you know, you fucked up. You're a piece of shit. You married a homosexual again. But you're my friend.

I'm still friends with you, but you really, I really disagree with your behavior. And I hate it. I hate that you did it. And I hope you die today. That's what you can say that. That's fine. But Millie Mag didn't strike anybody. Her supposed boss did, right?

Yeah, but she co-sombed. it. Did she co-sign it? You can just tell. You can just tell. You can look at her and you're like, you stupid bitch, you can co-sign it, I could tell. I mean, I'm getting all these people being like, oh my God, can you believe Chrissy Mayer or whatever?

I'm like, what did she do? She didn't yell at Melanie Mack? Well, but then, then, I don't see Chrissy. I don't see Chrissymer yelling at anybody. Here, let me, let me, I'll explain it to you because I'm the only one that could see through this, this veil for some reason. I see people. It's women.

No, no. No, no. You did it. You did it. Everybody fucks this up. And I can see right. I know exactly what you're fucking up. I can explain it now.

Chrissy, then, when you're in that position and you're getting piled on, your first instinct is to try to deflect and, like, play the blame game and make yourself not look guilty because you don't want to do anything. And that's what people call gaslighting, the audience. So as soon as you do that, you're buried. She said she was busy with her baby. And I said, well, that's a pretty good excuse. People don't want an excuse. They want directly you to take action and do it.

They don't want a reason why you didn't suck their dick. They want you to suck their fucking dick. So you better fucking do it because that's what streaming is about. You get on the camera and you suck some dick. If you didn't want to give people what they want... I don't think that's what... I don't know if that... Is that what streaming is about?

That's what streaming is about, baby! I haven't heard that. When I watched the YouTube creator, you know... The guy's never said, you really want to succeed at stream and you got to suck a little dick up there. Look at Kino Casino. Andy Worski, PPP, biggest, best dick suckers on the planet. They suck a lot of dick. They suck dick.

They get up there. They ding a fucking, you think they want to talk about Ethan Ralph eating a sandwich? No. But they do it. But they do it. Because that's what people want. People want Ethan Ralph eats a sandwich, okay? So if you're going to fire up a stream, you got to talk about Ethan Ralph eats a sandwich.

I guess I just, well, yeah, I mean. That's the point of streaming, man. If you don't like it, don't stream. I guess she shouldn't have made a bunch of excuses. It was just weird. I was like trying to watch the stream and follow it. And they're all like lecturing her about, you know, not being hard enough on Melanie Mag. I'm like, yeah, but it's a lady.

She's the way, she wasn't going to do anything. Yeah, but then why, like, why stream now? Like, who was a guy, I'd be like a guy should have use logic and taking that bitch to task. He's just going to go, oh my God. Why don't have Britney Venty on then? Brady Venty would have taken her to task. Like, why not do that?

That's true. You could have had, well, I, yeah, I don't actually know. They're friends or something. There's no friends on, there's no friends in streaming. Especially not in the middle of a big crisis. Because you're not going to convince normal people like me that it's just totally a friendship based stream. Even people like me, I'm very gullible.

You know, I only see the good in people I'm gonna say, ah, it kind of seems like you had Melanie Mac on to, like, make superchats like, because of the controversy. And I'm very... Oh, is that what you think? You think she brought her on, but then didn't... But then wouldn't you talk about it to get more super chats? Well, but talking about

it, you suddenly realize, oh, fuck, I got to turn my... I got to turn on my friend. I can't do that. I don't have the stones for that. Why do we not have Brittany Venty on here? Why don't we not have any of these fucking people? because she's too big for us Britney Venty

You think Britney Venty is too big What is Britney Venty fucking doing? No she's huge man She's brought down the courting She's bringing down empires She brought down coffee brand coffee Is she getting credit even Did the quartering go to a renaissance fair

I missed that whole thing Did you see that? Yeah he went there trying to go to an orgy But they wouldn't let him in I heard there was like Did you not hear this story? Did you not hear this story? No I well what I heard was that he's just like

People are just enjoying the Renaissance Fair and he's just looking at women going, look at the fucking tits on that bitch or something. I'm like, whoa, man, people are just, is that what it was? Yeah. He was, he went to the Renaissance Fair.

I heard, he talked about this on a stream that's not fun. And he was like, I wanted to go to one of those orgies. There's no archive. He was looking for a medieval orgy? Because they have those at Renaissance fairs. It's like a swinger paradise, you know? I've never been, but that's over here.

And he went and he found where the orgy was and they're like, well, you're not in costume, you know, because he was wearing like coffee brand coffee stuff. coffee brand coffee You gotta go get a costume You know And then you can come suck all these sticks

Yeah So he went and got a He went and got a codpiece And he came back and he came back And he got a guy with a codpiece You gotta get more More costumes So he got like a big

This is the problem I don't think I'm getting the full I don't think I'm getting the whole I don't think I'm getting the whole story And he came back and he's like He's got a coat right I think this is correct Yeah

And then so they said We already got a guy with a codpies In a coat you got to get something else And he's like Okay so he comes back with a crown. Is that how it works at the orgy? Everyone's got to have a completely different gimmick.

The quartering said this and then comes back. And he's got a crown and they're like, okay, you can come in and he goes up to one girl. Now you're the king of the doctor. Yeah, they're like, and she goes, who are you supposed to be king? I can't repeat it, but she says, who are you supposed to be king, you know, Efsler? Yeah, yeah, Epsler. And then he came in his pants and he had to leave. He had to came in his codpiece and he had to leave.

You didn't hear that story? So that's why the quartering left the internet is because he came in his codpiece. no that's because of Melanie yeah basically yeah this is why I can't follow this drama there's just too many there's too much going on I'm gonna say which part do you think Chrissy will you think

do you think Chrissy mayor will be back on Friday night Superman the Friday night superhero show see it's so weird to me that like all of this stuff I go I don't I don't know and I'm not trying to be above it all but I genuinely go wait if

if she gets kicked off that stupid stream show? Is that considered a big deal to people that she can't be on that fucking nerderotic show? And I'm like, well, I guess a lot of people watch that shitty fucking show, but everyone's talking about it like, oh my God, guys, Chrissy Mayer might not get to go on this show with 12

people who sit there. Watch, look, here's Vito going floating above me with how above it he is. See? There's not that I'm above it, but I go. There I go, down into the depths. I see the people who are on that fucking show and I go, these are all fucking scumbags and losers, or any of them really making a life

out of being on that fucking show. Like half of them got like nobody fucking channels. They don't like, you don't. There, have any of them built in audience? What are you talking about? I'm saying when you watch that Friday Night Tight Show, they'll be like one guy in the corner. And it's like, you know, fucking come shot Steve. Yeah.

And he go, well, come shot Steve's not making the best. He's going to go look at his channel. He's got like a thousand subscribers. So I'm like, see how it's a big deal to be on that fucking show. It would be a big deal if he was flagged. Yeah. Well, the quartering has handled this whole situation. You remember what the Kino Casino did when Eric July flagged Riley, how funny they thought it was,

and how they brought Eric on and, like, tried to attack me or something? No, because I don't watch any of these fucking guys. You don't remember when that's going on? I don't remember when that happened? No, I'm sure they did. Yeah, they did. Isn't that funny? No, these guys have, yeah, that's the, dude, also, I know fucking PPP used to fucking

flagging. Oh, okay. Flagging people and shit. Yeah, they, oh, dude, those guys were flagging people all the fucking time. Uh, it's just, it's the flame. It is funny to see guys who don't know anything about Kino Casino, going, well, these are just like some innocent internet communities. Like, those guys are scumbags, too.

Like, everybody involved here is a scumbag. It's just a race to see who's the biggest scumbag. It takes a scumbag to bring a scum bag down. No. And that scumbag is the quartering. I tried to get clarification on what's going on. I think I know less now than I knew. The quartering's doing, he's breaking TOS anyway.

Isn't he stealing content? on all his shorts? Yeah, but somebody has to report, like, the copyright holder has to report it. So somebody has to go to the Quarterings channel and flag the shit out of it right now. Is that what they have to do? That's what you're saying, Vito. That's what you're saying. If you're the copyright holder, you can do that.

You have every right to copyrights. You can do what? You can run a countdown. The countdown. Enough. Did you watch Chrissy's non-apology video or whatever it was? Did she apologize? No, she should have.

How would have... Chrissy, Chrissy, watch this. Guys, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was getting into. Melanie Mac is a good friend, but she's been supporting some really heinous things. And it's counter to what I stand for and what I've built my audience around. And I'm sorry. Sorry for gaslighting you, but honestly, I felt attacked and I lashed out.

I'm sorry. Melanie Mac married a home sexual twice That's a fact The Quartering Flags channels That's a fact And I'll try to do better That's a fact too Hey Chrissy Mary is live right now

Not to set people like Christian Mary So just say the words Just say those fucking words Chrisy it's not hard You get everything you want You get back on Friday Night Heights You get everything Or keep doing what you're doing

And I lose it all I don't give a shit I've seen everybody do this before Doesn't matter It's uh I mean I just don't understand how you're streaming to 5,000 people. And then you go, ah, this is too much.

I got to get off. I go, bitch, just keep doing the show. What are you doing? If I have 5,000 people watching, you know, if you're going to burn your brand, at least get the super chats for another hour. Geez, I couldn't believe she turned off the stream. But she's like, I just got to go deal with my kid. And boom, like, let them run the fucking show then.

Well, Christian mayor. Yeah, let PPP talk to Melanie Mac. Maybe PPP's husband number three. Oh, well, that was honestly. the worst thing was when she went. I don't know if you're allowed to have people on your channel who have been banned from YouTube. And then people were posting all the screenshots of her and Ethan Ralph and whatever. And I'm like, of course you can't have people been. It's not a rule. It's a different world. Like, I can't have PPP on. You know, they're banned from YouTube.

I was like, no, no, you know, you can do that. Maybe she doesn't know. I don't fucking know. Oh. Anyway, it's all been fascinating. His name was crazy. Says I'm slowly getting used to spending alternate weekends with my divorced co-host and their new boyfriends. Ha ha ha ha ha. Captain Kooky. Vito, I don't know what food stuff I would even talk about after talking about food for a full movie runtime. Did you say, I don't know what food stuff I would talk about? And my camera was really low resolution. So maybe I'll upload it as a short. Did you eat it? Yeah. The pixels?

What pixels? Did I eat the pixels? Oh, I thought you meant that I eat the food. I got the Mandalorian Bounty Burger. What's in that? Yoda? Fried pickle chips. It was disgusting. So they did put like a little cooked up Yoda in there? They put a little, yeah, little cooked up Yoda pieces in the burger. And I'm like, oh, this fucking sucks. Gross.

I'll say this Grogo's blue cookie shake put me to sleep, though. I had to take a nap after that fucking thing. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is all false sugar. Jeep says, damn, Vito is the talent. Also, shout out, internet legend, Billy. Austin says, awesome show and fun guest. Have you ever heard Billy's raps? I didn't even know he was like a serious rap guy.

I think so, but a long time ago. Yeah. Six art says, in case you weren't aware, Vito suffers from crippling anime disease. So liking this stream and helping his YouTube channel is the best thing you can do for him. What the fuck does that mean? Anime disease. I have no idea. Chair athlete says, I spilled tapioca pudding on Donald Trump's picture, and now I'm in jail.

Good luck with that. Fork my dongle says that. There's a new UK law you can't jerk off on pictures anymore. Really? Yeah. So like it used to be, you know, if you really hated a bitch, you know, and you wanted to degrade or, you know, or like a celebrity, you'd like print out a picture and then jerk off on the picture and then post it online and go, look what I did to, you know, Scarlett Johansson. jerked off on Scarlett Johansson. And in the UK, that's now...

That means you hate them? Or, or, yeah, well, it's like degrading. You know, it's like, see, I have power over you. Because I can print out a picture on my inkjet printer and come on your face. I guess so. And that's now illegal in the UK for some reason. Chrissy should do that to Melanie Mac to get her career back. Chrissy should jerk off on a picture of Melanie Mac. Yeah.

I see one problem with that scenario, but... You could fake it. I agree. With movie magic, you know? No, that's the other thing. You can't even use AI. Even if you use AI to generate a fake cum shot on a picture, it's still illegal in the UK. Well, I mean, obviously if the symbol created by real penis is illegal, obviously a fake penis would not matter.

So, yeah. But I'm saying, like, like, I can't spill any sort of substance on a picture of Scarlett Johansson. Like, what if I just, oh, hey, I was eating a sloppy sand. Yeah, but I'm saying, okay, let's say I legitimately am eating a sloppy sandwich and I got a picture of Scarlett Johansson in front of me. I spill sandwich goo on the picture. I think, oh, that's kind of funny. It's funny. It is sandwich juice.

And then I take a picture over and I go, look at that picture. You would go to jail in the UK for that. Probably for saying sandwich juice. You can't say that. Sandwich juice. The juice. For, you know, like, Chrissy's pretending to jerk off and then it's just a shot of Frank. What's her husband's name?

Pellegrino? Frank Pellegrino. Yeah, then it's his dick. I want to hear from Frank more. I want to know how Frank's handling the big controversy. I don't know if he's like in her corner being like, hey, listen, we've got to figure this out. We can't lose the Friday night tights gig. That's the only thing keeping our weekends at Chevy's bar alive.

How else are we going to sell these tickets? Here's something to... Let me see Chrissy Mary's upcoming dates. Hold on. Here's something to never say. Well, I guess not never, but unless you're trying to tell you. tell someone to go fuck themselves. Never, ever say, I'm sorry if you're upset.

Sorry if I upset you. Never. Is that not? Is that not? Chris Mary doesn't have any upcoming dates. She's not even doing any. Oh, wait, oh, wait. March 20th headlining in Orlando. Oh, this is last year. Enocheno's birthday show. She did

Gino's birthday show at Rodney's. Oh, good old Rodney's. Rodney's. That was back in December. So, Chrissy's not even touring. She's busy with the kid. There'll be no more Rodney's ever. No more Rodney's. The home of the Stuttering John. You don't follow any of the dabble.

Well, maybe you do. I don't know. I don't know anything about Stuttering Johns. Well, that's where Stuttering John and Carl and what's his fucking name, Coomia, there's a whole debacle. Um, you've been listening to any WATP? No, I have not been listening to anything in a very long time. I got to say, Carl really dropped the ball. Oh.

Because I saw that they took on Soul Wringers and they got it all wrong. I was like, ah, Carl, come on. You had to have one guy on there who could talk a little bit of magic the gathering. He was going over soul ringers. He was making no sense. He was making no sense. What was he? Like running a red and blue deck?

What was Carl talking about? Just the way he was talking about where he's like, well, why would you talk about the cards? this. Well, actually, the way he's talking about the cards, I think makes sense. You know, you do want to know which card goes where. I thought, yeah. Well, okay, here was the funny thing. That Chad guy is like a big podcaster guy. I mean, he has one big show, yeah. But like, it's bigger than anything Maddox is doing, you know? Yeah, it is bigger than riding your bicycle to the grocery store to buy gummy bears. That's true. Well, the funny thing, well, I think that was the problem with WATP was they kept going like, and who's this random guy Maddox's got?

Oh, no, Maddox is the random guy in this scenario. Everyone else is watching the show going, who's this random guy podcasting with Chad Kaltglan? His show's great. He just, like, winds up his boomer parents who are like turbo boomer conservatives. So I went to the magic convention and I'm sitting down with a guy. And the guy says to me, he goes, hey, you know, Chad Kolt Kolt Klan's got a new magic podcast. and I was wearing my biggest problem in the universe hat and I'm like, oh man, do I got a story to tell?

Wait, you're at a show and somebody unprompted said Chad Colt again? Somebody unprompted said Chad Colt Glyn from whatever the fuck is that boomer podcast is necessary conversation. Who the fuck would say that? He said, did you know Chad Colt Gland from Necessary Conversation has a Magic the Gathering podcast? Did you spit in his mouth and say, don't ever talk to me again?

No, I didn't. I traded him for his. for his chaos Emerald actually She should have said Don't ever talk to me I was trying to make a trade They kept

People know this Chad guy I don't know Why would you just say that Unprompted Like an ad I don't know It was really weird I guess

I think there's like I think people know This Chad guy In like certain Podcasting circles Or something Yeah but people know Like the Pope

And they don't go like Hey do you see the Pope? I don't know, man. I swear to God, it came up 100% organically. His exact words were, did you know Chad from the necessary conversation podcast is doing a magic podcast now? And I said, wow, Soulringers is killing it.

Now's the time. Is it? What's the view count on Soulringers versus, what's yours, ristic study hall? Ristic studies? Youristic study hall, yeah. Yeah. We got similar numbers, I'm going to say.

We've got similar numbers. Dog shit. Well, I mean, it's a new show. It takes time to get it off the ground. Soulringers has said, but I will say this. Well, Soulringers is a new channel, and they already have a thousand subscribers. That seems pretty good, I would say. That sounds like you bought them.

Because you need a thousand exactly to stream. So you probably paid for a thousand. Yeah, well, we would never do that on this channel. Chad's news video has 600 views. They got 1,000 here. Shut up. And over on the Draft Magic channel. Oh, yeah, draft magic.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, well, our first episode got 1.6, though. Why don't you call the show Draft Magic? We might. So people know where to find it. Well, I think it's complicated. The branding is complicated. I'll say.

Shut up. It's not, it's good branding. You don't understand it because you don't know what's going on in the magic. I know how to type in the box. I'm piggybacking on a couple other similarly named podcast So people go oh like that other podcast that I like It has a similar name All right

You know Draft Magic Uh Because also if I call it the Draft Magic podcast People are going to think it's just about draft And it's not just about draft It's about all of magic Yeah

I get it Yeah There you go You don't want the hardcore magic guys You're like oh it's just It's not about Commander They're not going to talk about Commander and I want to listen to the man.

I mean, Commander is the only thing anybody gives a shit about. So, yes, that is 100% part of it. I should probably change the name of the channel for that reason. The Commander guys only care about Commander. Then they'll know it's not the same thing. I might change the name of the channel to Ristic Study Hall. Okay, okay. Graph Magic is from a different time.

Back when Draft was a dominant format, people respected. Now it's all, oh, let's play Commander. I want to play Commander. I know. Losers. Black Anus Reviews says another episode forcing us to experience magic to start. This should be good. Crying.

Yes. Slickford 4 always wondered who could possibly enjoy the cinnamon raisin bread crap. Spelled raisin wrong. Really wrong. Of course it was veto the whole time. The Enclave soldier. I will be clear. I do not actually enjoy cinnamon raisin bread.

I was making a joke. I don't know that shit tastes pretty. Well, I guess. I just don't. I don't believe you at all. I don't like sugary bread. I think bread is just already really good. Too much bread.

A nice piece. When you go to the, when you go to like a diner or restaurant, they go, do you want like pancakes or toast? I go toast. I'm a toastman. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I get a sourdough.

Sourdough bread, I think, is just fantastic. Put a little sugar on it. Put a little syrup on that. No, no. Have I done this problem on here? Fucking sugar bread? I almost brought that in like a million times, but it's another food for it. No, but it's a good problem.

You should just only bring in food problems. I don't know why you fight it. You ever go to, what's that steak place? Texas Roadhouse. And then they always go. Oh, you're going to try their butter. You got to try their butter. And the butter is just butter mixed with copious amounts of sugar.

Yeah. Oh, it's terrible. I call it but sugar. Sugar butter. But sugar. Like butter and sugar. I just don't like sugar that much. I know that's shocking to people, but you can just get fat from eating regular carbohydrates.

you don't have to dump sugar on them. This guy, one guy said something mean. That's okay. I'm not going to read that. All right, that's it. You're the winner. Do you want to do your problem? First, I'm going to do a segment. Oh, Gominus Kelp said, great show, not because of the guests with the host, because there was no countdowns. This piece of shit said that. Sorry. Okay. Wow. What a fucking asshole.

Well, a segment, but then I got an email where he says, hey, Vito, if I submit a song for Voted Up, could you play? it and I said I think we can. Then he said if you could use this on the show, that would be cool. I think it's kind of funny. And he sent me screen recording 05-14-2026.move. So thank you for sending me a dot move file that you recorded on your fucking phone. That's definitely the easiest way to make that happen. Anyway, if I can share this tab, if I can share this dot move file,

the screen recording.m.O.V. Because our fans are just geniuses here. How do you fucking do that, bro? Can you add my source to the thing? All right, here we go. Let's see how this goes. I wish you would vote on the problems, my friend. You could cut ties with the EI VWEZN.

And if you only wanted to up a dick I would understand That's great That's fucking great, bro This is fantastic The big fat boy a bit too insane I sing on a chocolate cake You know you're way too fat

You're a toast in line I've white castle You're the big fan mess on the Thursday show You know something's wrong Well everyone I know has got a reason Was he listening to the backing track While singing or not? I think he put it on in the background

I recorded him on his phone Yeah Well the track sounds great Yeah it does kind of sound The track sounds like it was on the computer. Well, thank you for setting in screen recording underscore 05.14. Tell us how you made that. Tell us how you made that.

That's from Harry Murgatroyd, who I think is in the chat asking. Harry, tell us how you made that. Did you record over a track that was on a phone, an iPad or something? Is it one of those phones for old people that only has five numbers on it? Well, it says screen recording. Okay, he must have been playing it in a tab on his phone and then screen recording. You can do a screen recording with your voice. I didn't know that.

So he was screened. Yeah, yeah, so you can be recording on your Android phone with the microphone active. But it's a mob, so his iPhone. Does Android do mobs? On iPhone, you always be able to do the, I don't fucking know. Yeah, it should be an iPhone. If it's that MOV, I would think. Wow.

Now I've got to see if that's possible. So you can bring up the song and I guess sing. over it and then it's going to play in a tab so it probably sounds fine but then the audio is your shitty microphone. I think that's what happens. Okay. I'm so glad honestly I shouldn't even be telling

you at home how to do it because more of you will probably attempt to and let's see if you can do it. Maybe technological barriers exist for a reason. Okay. Here I'm going to vote it up. Voted up, voted up, voted up. that was it

oh that was my free one yeah now you got to did you screen record it the problems are good they're mostly about food and black people okay not black people well this was a little bit about black people

I'm gonna send you this recording no I'm not playing it you could send it to me next show we're not doing another fucking song let me just see let me just see Okay I'm gonna do this Voted up segment

Okay so no one's stopping you For my episode Bonus episode 26 Which was our biggest It didn't work You didn't You gotta say you want to use your microphone You gotta say with microphone

When you were screen recorded Okay Okay Biggest problem in prison And you set me up to fail There it is Right there microphone on Yeah with microphone

I knew this Okay Oh, it's the biggest problem Voted up Voted up Don't do this I win with the wrong genre I regret my choices

Voted up Voted up It said gangsta choir Is that what it was Is that the song Gangster Choir Fuck I fucked it up It didn't record it Good

Everyone should fuck it up No one should do this This is a terrible terrible way to record yourself. Okay, wait. You know, you can, if you really want to make a voted up song, you can take some time and not just do a screen recording.

Please don't send me any more fucking screen recordings. Okay. Yeah, you got to turn the microphone on. You two, one? It was going to, it went way too fast that one. It skipped too. Now there's no music. I don't hear it.

Hello. Hello. I'm asking you to vote it up. I couldn't hear that one. Now you're just recording yourself normally with no music. What's the point of that? Yeah, but I can hear music in the phone, I think. Hold on, I think I got it.

So you think, so maybe you got it. See? That is how he did it. Yeah, obviously. See? See? That's how he did it, Vito. I know.

I already explained how he did it. But that's why he couldn't hear the music. Because when you go in that mode, It doesn't play loudly. You have to put it up to your ear. He can clearly, all right, fine. And you can barely hear it. That's how that happened to him.

Condemned prisoners on California's death row. This is the problem of no masturbation in prison, are currently filling their time by watching pornography and engaging in lewd conversations using taxpayer-funded tablets. In an effort to connect its prison population to the outside world, California issued around 90,000 tablets inmates. That's the point of prison, is not, is disconnecting. them from the outside world. Why would we want them connecting to the outside world? Well, it's a

multi-million dollar problem where incarcerated people can send and receive messages in real time to loved ones amid a push for digital equity. Dick? Inmates have been using the tablets to send nude images and watch pornography through a video chat application. So basically, you have to call up your family member. You go, hey, mom, can you put on some porn and hold the tablet up to the TV? And that's how the prisoners are accessing pornography. I don't know. Why don't we just give them pornography? Why can't they have pornography?

What's the problem? Why do they got to do a runaround? Everybody's mad. Because they're bad. Yeah, they're bad. So we just let them jerk off and leave everybody else alone. That's the solution. They have to think about their life.

They're not going to think about their life. They're going to think about naked women. And this just makes it easier, okay? Otherwise, they're just going to turn each. other into women or draw women with feces on the wall of their cells, just let them look at pornography. It's not a big deal. Okay. Otherwise, they're going to, you know what, they're going to attack the female prison guards because for some reason we have to have female prison guards and they're going to coerce them into relationships and then the female prison guards are going to break them out of prison,

which we don't want. If you just gave pornography, they wouldn't be doing that. You sound like all the other porn addicts. Porn addiction is a big problem. Well, here's what you don't, here's you haven't considered is that the prisoners have to pay for access, so we're actually monetizing their, you know, they're giving back to society. It costs five cents per text and 16 cents a minute for video calls. If we're charging them for pornography. Really, they're paying that much for pornography? 16 cents a minute. They got to pay for pornography to have their, uh, their significant other hold the fucking their phone up to the pornography website and go, yeah, uh, no, can you type into the the type into the search bar, hot, hot milk queefs, please.

I'm paying 16 cents a minute here. How can we can't run, like, AI stuff on prisoners? Like, why can't we put robocops in there and, like, scramble up their communications? Why do we have to be the guinea pigs for AI? Those are two different things. You want to put, you want to scramble their communications, but also have robo-cots. Well, yeah, because the AI could go, like, whoa, you're looking at porn, shut it down off. Like, the, the, AI can tell when I'm asking it for porn, it goes, no, I can't give you that.

But why don't we do that in prison? Like, hey, will you stop, shut everything down if you see any porn like you do normally? You want to use the prisoners to test all the AI. Yeah, put the AI on them. But the best use case you can think of is a robot that goes around telling the prisoners to stop looking at pornography. Yeah. That's what you think you should be testing. Hey, get back in your cell, meatbag.

It does stuff like that. You're not reflecting on your crimes. Start reflecting. You really are a conservative where you're like, oh, we got all this new technology. you could do anything. You're like, I want a robot that yells at guys for having fun in prison. That's the best

possible use of that technology. You can't hire that anymore. You can't hire that anymore. It's illegal. Maybe the robots could do it. Maybe a robot can yell at your neighbors for being too loud. Your Mexican neighbors for playing too much music. Sure. Yeah.

The robot could go to the Airbnb house and kick the shit out of them. What is that? Yeah, if there was a noise ordinance robot that just went and went, shut it down, dirt bag. It can only shoot stereos. It can't shoot people.

But it could pull a gun out and it could shoot a stereo. I would be okay with that. It would go door to door and say, hey, where's the nearest gas station? And if you answered Ron and go fucking Airbnb rental, you got a lot of Airbnbs around you right now? Just one. That's the thing. You just need one.

Yeah. They got a pool or something? What are they having late night parties? You got to fill the pool with acid. I'll try. I'll look at that. And then it'll kill all the... Hors. ...all the Airbnb's.

That's No Basturbation Prison, currently number 206. Dick, I'm confused. Did I do the problem Americans pretending they are hungry? Yeah. Why? Was it not on the leaderboard? I couldn't find it. What the hell did you title it?

I don't know. Something about hungry? I don't know if we ever had it. But this is the problem where people are horrified. to be losing their snap benefits. And here's a lady who's going to tell us about how without, she's just starving, Dick. She's just starving right now.

Well, you have a school district. I only get paid once a month. By time I get my bills paid, I have nothing left to pay for food and other bases. She's nothing for food. If it wasn't for snap benefits, I wouldn't be able to feed my children or myself. I work, pay my bills.

She can't possibly. Like every other mom, I want to be sure that I have enough food to put on the tape. You got to make sure you got enough. Here's another lady. Not every other mom is not thinking about putting enough food on the table. Most of them are doing that just fine. It doesn't even occur to them. You think about it, you lazy fat bitch.

Can't the local news find like one emaciated lady to be the face of losing snap on benefits? I don't think they do exist. No, they don't. Because the cheap food that they eat is also malnour. So they have to eat more of it. They eat a ton of it. They all end up looking like that? They always look like that, yeah.

It's really bad. Danielle Grant is starving. Ha. Because we literally don't have two, but to try to make it. Daniel Grant is starving. Can you imagine being the lady at the news station has to do that voiceover? Yeah. You go, this woman can barely get anything to eat.

Danielle is just starving up a storm. She's wasting away. Yeah. I mean, this should be the face of fucking emaciation right here. That's the face of AIDS, though. You can't be both. Yeah. Like, I'm starving, but I got AIDS, so at least I'll die soon. It is interesting that, like, in other countries, you got the really skinny black, you know, emaciated people. And in our country, you go, how come we don't have any of the, you know? How can we? Supposed.

We don't have a skinny, skinny one, skinny is. Well, I mean, they're, uh, it's a better face for starvation. If you're talking about starvation, you should get a starving black kid. Can't you import some of the starving black? Okay, why don't they switch sides? You know? No, but it's not because if I see a skinny person, I think, well, you obviously have gone a while without eating, so you'll be fine. But if I see a fat person, I think, ooh, who, they're going to be, if they don't eat

in the next 10 minutes, they're going to be fucking pissed. They're going to pass out. They're going to die. Yeah, that person needs to eat all the time. Is anyone actually starving in America? Probably kids, because their parents are on crack. Hey, I got one other one, but I don't know if this relates to any... Did we ever do the Jews as a problem?

Definitely not. Just like, just Jewish people or... Well, here, have you heard the new cars for kids jingle? Right, now you're just doing problems. This is like brand new problems. If this is your problem, then do that. Well, but it's not a problem because it's been solved. It's a solved problem.

Trust me, that problem does not get solved, Vito. People have tried, but it doesn't... You can't solve it. Is this your problem? It's already 50 minutes. All right. Well, I guess, yeah, this will be my problem. I'll just get into it real quick.

All right. We never did cars for kids. No. Jews. Yeah, just. Oh, that's a wrap, everybody. Oh, check please. Oh.

We did, I did, people expect the Jews not to act like Jews. I think that one kind of fits here. Yeah, I said, you know, when people go, oh, why would Jews do this? You go, well, because they're Jews. What do you mean? I don't know. That kind of fits. So real quick.

here's the new Cars for Kids jingle and I want to tell you if you notice Is this a joke jingle? No, this is the real one. This is a real new one. Put up the video real quick. Tell me even notice anything about the Cars for Kids commercial. All right. Is this Epstein Island?

Now, Carson's for Kids. All right. Now, what would you describe this individual as here? Milotto. Malad. Yeah, okay. Maybe like half something. I would describe that.

Ahmed, that clock kid. That's what I would describe him. Well, the state of California has banned Cars for Kids advertisements as false advertising because people who watch the commercials seem to think that the money is going to go to all kinds of kids. Yeah, but it's not. You know, it's just for all kinds of kids everywhere, you know? Yeah.

It's for that kid. It's for her, you know. Donate your card. Cars for Kids. Not or. Cars for Kids. It's going to go to all these kids, right? Look at this nice white kid.

Give up your car. He looks kind of, I mean, he might be the one of the shows. And I don't know. This kid, maybe he's half chosen. I don't know. But as we know, Cars for Kids, all their money goes to Jewish summer camp programs. Who's weird? I don't know that.

Every dollar you donate, every car that's ever been donated to Cars for Kids has gone to Jewish summer camp programs in New York and New Jersey. And by that, you mean what? what is that what's that a euphemism for I said a euphemism for anything it's literally Jewish summer camp everybody all the Jews so it goes to camp counselors or is there some kind of receivership getting this money like what do you mean summer camp I mean I'm sure yeah you got to pay the staffers you got to pay the guys who put the camp together you know it's a lot of work

figuring out of camp thousand lawyers are on staff at this camp well they got to count all the kids and make sure all the kids are there and and seven thousand accountants you go, how many kids are in this camp? And they go, well, we thought it was 4 million. It turns out it was 6 million. And then it turns out it was 5 million. You go, you guys can't figure out how many kids are in this camp.

Look, California said this is false advertising. You can't have a commercial where kids of all colors and genders dance under a rainbow and then go, and it just, all that money goes to Jews. How does California know all these kids aren't Jewish, though? So they got undone after 30 years of doing this shit on the radio. and raking in tons of money, they got fucked over because they tried to make a YouTube app. Only in California, though. Only in California.

So they can still, you know, elsewhere. They can still play the commercials. They can still us, everybody else, everywhere else. Yeah. Yeah. It is really interesting. I don't know what they're doing here. But Cars for Kids, the, you know, is it good, let's be real.

The Jews have some great ideas. And I think a bunch of dancing kids singing about, I mean, it's a catchy song, the Cars for Kids jingle. Yeah. made a lot of careers. And that's voted up. NACROD. Donate your car at Cars for Kids.org.

Out the juice. Go to supper can. You'll also get a vacation voucher and a tax deduction. Got a lot of text. All right. Where's the vacation to? Where's the vacation to? Yeah.

Israel, of course. Is it? Yeah, you get a vacation voucher. I don't know what a fucking vacation voucher is. All right. I'll do this prom because this problem is not involved in the videos. Oh, two problems in a row. Geez.

Was that my problem? Is that a problem? I guess not. I guess not. What's it to vote up then? What's the what? What's the problem? Jews.

Oh, she's. Because the problem's been solved. Dick, do you remember tipster? Do you remember tipster? Yeah, that lady? A fat lady? What do you mean that lady?

What are you talking about? Isn't he a lady now? Yeah, you're kind of spoiling my lead-in, but yes. Oh, that's a spoiled? He's gone fucking Twitter all the time, like, looking like a greasy Latina. I think I'm going to the dentist every time I see a picture of Tipster now. What are you talking about, spoiler? Well, here's a picture of my old pal tipster, a classic YouTube guy.

And Tipster is what? he's like a big Hispanic fella. He looks like an Asian in that. I think he's probably Filipino. Every time you think there's a Mexican. That's Chinese, it's Filipino. Yeah. Okay.

And Tipster for a while has been one of these guys. He comments on internet drama or whatever. And he's tipster. I know Tipster. He's a fun guy. And he just go, yeah, what a fun guy. Big guy, big lovable guy. You know?

I'm not in love it. He's a fun guy. I remember he was big on defending. Keffels for a while, that trans individual Keffels and and then the other day I'm just like hanging out on Twitter. What did Keffles do? That was so wrong. Just

getting some drugs for a bunch of kids. You know, that used to be cool. Yeah, just getting kids some bathtub, Teenagers. Teenagers. Hey, kids need that HRT. They love it. Matthew McConaughey. Can't get enough. The fast times at Ridge Mounts High, you know? I thought you were doing a Dallas Byers Club,

but sure. Same thing. That mixtape game. bunch of teenagers getting drunk, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm hanging out on Twitter and I'm going, I wonder, uh, who's that? Who's that individual?

And I see this picture and I go, looking good, ma'am. This is, uh, tipster is now known as Tippy at Hey, it's Tippy X-O. I always got to change the name. I, uh, I don't know. I don't know. and I went in my head I went we lost another one

huh who's we we lost another the fat guy community the fed guy community of uh what do I call it the LBGT community

large bearded guys and T-shirts Oh large large redded guys in T-shirts the LBGT community Jesus Christ Is that a Jeff Foxworthy bit no we lost another one this was the former host of a linus tech tips who let's be real didn't

really change anything no he's got highlights now she's got highlights she's got highlights i remember seeing that and i went ah we lost another one we lost another one and then probably another one of the most famous was a jim sterling one of the great you know gaming commentators of his time i know who that is well you don't know jim sterling well maybe you'll know him better as Mrs. Stephanie Sterling, this clock pipe. Oh, wait. That's real? I thought that, I thought this guy was doing a bit.

I thought this was a joke. Like, I thought everyone was talking about Jim Sterling like this is a joke. No, his name is now Stephanie Sterling. And if you go watch the videos, they're on now on. Man, I really wish so it was these guys. Do you remember when I did a bit? And I was like, I'll get a lady ID. It'll be a bit.

No, they actually went and they did it. So my problem is making more fat women. Now, we're having enough fat women, right? We got too many. So at no point do you look at the number of fat women, you go, I hope we could get some more out of nowhere. Like we got a steady influx of fat ladies coming in. I think the guys, look, it's not the trans.

thing, that's fine. But if you're gonna trans out, you gotta get a skinny. How about you lose the weight first? Yeah. And then you can be caught, if you go from a fat guy to a skinny woman. Yeah, everyone loves it. That's like a net positive for the world. Okay, now we got a skinny

lady. There's more skinny ladies. When you go from a fat guy to a fat lady, well now we just got more fat ladies, which we don't need more. And you're worse as a fat lady, you know, you're grumpier, more cantankerous, you know. Well, here's the thing, okay, a fat guy. Right.

Let's be real, a fat guy, you're like, all right, this is going to be fun and funny. He's going to go, hey, guys, what's up? It's tips. I'm here talking about Resident Evil. The new Resident Evil is pretty good, whatever. And then now just... I got a tip for you. Oh, my God.

I'm Tipie. Hello. Welcome to the show. Like, what were they saying in the Drew Carey show? When Drew Carey would go to work? that lady was there. Mimi? Yeah, what would she say?

I don't know what they would say. You know, Mr. Wick would go like, hey, Drew Carey. Get back to work. Get back to work. We loved Drew Carey and then Mimi would show up and went, no. I don't remember. I mean, look. My bonds are killing me.

She would say that. Do you ever think in your head, man, I wish we had more Melissa McCarthy's? Do you think, no, I wish we had more Chris Farley's, okay? There's only so many. fat women we can tolerate. We really don't need more of them. Yeah. It's a, and it's, it, look, it's a tragedy because, you know, this guy, I go, you, you had a good, as far as the fat guy look goes, you had it where, you had the hat, okay? Oh, I love that hat. That's a great move. Flip the, you love the hat. A fat guy with a hat. Flip it up. Hey, he kind of looks like he's like,

you know, like on the street hanging out with his, his Mexican, Filipino brothers. You know, Yeah. What do I do with this? What do I do with this? It's like someone put Mrs. Potato Head things on a Mr. Potato Head. There's nothing I can do with this. What the hell? I don't want to listen to you.

I mean, what do you? It's also weird. Okay. What about his nails? What are you saying about the nails? Well, it's weird. He's got the hashtag, the question mark. Hashtag dump Trump.

That's what he's saying. I'm more focused on the random bike lock on a chain. here. He's got cabbage patch doll joints on his hand. That's a bad sign. Supposed to have knuckles. Look, again, this is not a transphobic thing. I just go.

I bet inside of Tipster there is a beautiful woman, but this ain't her. Okay? You got to Okay. Why are you causing such a big fight in your community? What do you want me to say? Do you want to like, okay, I'm just saying. What I'm saying, like,

you know, the nice thing to do is you go, hey, You know, I'm so glad you did this. You know, you look great. And I can't say it. I got to go, Tippy. First lose the 100 pounds and then you transition. Okay? And you know what?

It would be great because, you know, when you transition, what, don't they need, like, flesh to give you a vagina? Then you get all that extra fat rolls or whatever. They can just cut that off. You could have five or six vaginas. You could have as many, you could have the biggest vagina out of all the ladies if you lose the weight and they cut off the fucking fat folds and they can make a huge fucking vagina.

You can make 10 vaginas. Yeah, that's cool. You have a dozen. A baker's dozen. Viginas. I mean, it's also the big fat guy giving up, you know? And as a big fat guy, I hate that. I thought you already gave up.

I thought that was the point of being a fat guy. I gave up in like a normal way. I gave up in a normal fat guy way. I didn't give up in the, well, maybe if I'm a lady, guys will come fuck me in my ass way. I go, no, no, no, that's not going to work either, okay? You know, you go, this guy deserves love. This guy deserves a beautiful girlfriend. And then he goes, what if I became a.

the beautiful girlfriend. No, that's not it. That's not a solution. That's not going to work. You came a steampunk lady. So, look, I support the transition. Is everyone in that crew going trans? Is Bo Blak's really going trans?

Bo Blak's is also trans. Well, Bo Blacks is like gender fluid. Okay. And Bo Blacks is, I mean, Bow Blacks is not fat. So at least Bo Blacks is not fat. If Bob Blacks is fat, this would be way worse.

Let's see. Your favorite neurodivergent. Are you like the Joan Rivers of trans men? Like, what's your problem? You're just like picking on these guys who are just trying to be themselves. Well, I just said if Boblax is not fat, so at least he's not fat. It's more fat women is the problem.

You're making it seem like there's a bunch of other stuff wrong with him. Like his beard or his eyes or something. Well, I mean, come on. Are you going to, are you trying or you're trying, blacks. You are like the Jones Rivers of trans people. You can't have tithies and a dress and a beard and a mustache. It's just, it's never going to work. Pick a, pick a look

and lose these fucking weirdo, get lady glasses, right? Oh, no. Well, I'm saying if you want to be a havesy, which is what he's trying to do, he said what? I'm, I'm, he's a havesy. He's a,

gender fluid. Are your tax is done, boys, tipster? Is everything Are all your chores taken care of while you have time to switch genders? They better be. They better be. See, this is not working for. Look at the armpit.

What the fuck is this? Come on, man. This is, this is, this is, both blacks. Bro, shave this at least. Don't post it first of all. Are you bullying these people? I'm not trying to bully them. I'm just saying, like, tons of hot girls have a huge underarm.

this is the thing you send your weird online girlfriend and not you don't post this on Twitter you don't do that you know yeah yeah like Bobax I want you to succeed at this thing but you got to shave off this chin strap

lose the fucking mustache and don't if the if the picture involves any amount of armpit hair and a lady's fucking strap dress why don't you do makeover maybe just don't like fat eye for the queer guy makeover dude can we have queer eye for the trans disaster? Because I would watch that

fucking show all day. Yeah. I want to take all these trans people who are phoned it in and not getting it done. He'd just have one gay guy who goes, oh, honey. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think that's the problem. I think the problem is the trans community. Everybody's so nice and, like, forgiving, and you just need one guy to go

that you're not making it work. Okay? That's what we're doing. That's what I'm doing. I'm saying, you got to make it work. Well, the problem is like you got to hunt. What's that girl's name Hunter Avalon in Euphoria? Is that a girl? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like the right-wing person, right?

She's right-wing? The girl from a euphoria? I don't know, Hunter Avalon? Oh, wait, is Hunter Avalon a guy or a girl? That's a guy. That's what they want you to think. No, you can't say that. That's misgendering.

Hunter Avalon is a woman. But they take a ton of pictures. They take like a zillion pictures, and then they got one. And they touch it up, and they're like, there you go. This is everybody. This is what it's like. You're thinking of someone else. That's not Hunter Avalon.

Hunter Avalon is an actual guy. There's a man. This is Hunter. This is Hunter. This is Hunter. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is Hunter Avalon. You're thinking of fucking, what's her name?

Hunter. I'm pretty sure. Hunter Avalon. This is Hunter Avalon. This is a guy. So, I mean, yeah, but see it's all, see, it's all feminine. This is the picture, and they'll show all the other trans people. Look, you can look like a girl like this.

This is not a girl. This is a guy here. That's what I'm telling you. That's what I'm telling you, Vito. That's what we've been saying for 10 years. No, you're talking about like fucking, what's her name? Fucking. Hunter Avalon.

Blair White. You're talking about Blair White. I am not talking about Blair White. No one mistakes Blair White for a human, let alone woman. Hunter Avalon. See, look, look at the little lesbian. jacket she's got on and the little lesbian hair do. I don't think Hunter Avalon is supposed to be a trans woman. I don't think that's correct.

I don't think that's correct. I don't think that's correct. I could look like this. Like a woman. This is a lady, you're telling me. Yes. Well, I'm not telling you that. That's what they want you to think. I think you got your people mixed up. I don't. Look. All right, sure. Hunter Avalon's a transgender woman. Sure. Well, yes.

Why not? But that's what they want you to think. Blair White. Were you thinking of Blair White? No, I'm not, I know exactly what Blair. I saw Blair White once and I thought, oh great, I could never forget that fucking face. I will say this about Blair White, though. She didn't make another fat chick. She made a, you know, she even got, looks like she shaved her nose down. She's like the fucking Pope of Trent. She's got to go around to everyone get him to kiss her ring and say like, oh, take a picture like, oh, look at how hot this sexy broad is. Give me a fucking break. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. All I know is. is a tipster as as the first on the first episode of I think you want to smash

Fat eye That's what you're Fat eye for the trans guy Clear guy You are not making it work Uh I think you're going to put in a little Here's my problem

What do you want? The problem is making more fat chicks Sloppy painters It's a good problem It's gonna win sloppy painters Sloppy painters Sloppy painters These guys came in my house

To do like a touch-up of drywall paint everyone contractors come to my house Can you do that why do you do that?

I'm not fucking patching drywall I'm not spending all day How big a patch One of them was quite big Like two feet across All right

All right If it's a big patch Fair enough I'm not patching a small amount of drywall either If you need somebody To remove a bathroom door Yeah you're the guy

Rip it right off So he came in He did the patch I'm like alright It looks great Everything you're doing looks great and then he's like okay just gotta paint it and they'll be done I said okay

and I came back down stairs and I'm like oh you're gonna you're gonna like tape put plastic on everything before you paint right and he goes oh we're done I said what I go in the room and there's fucking paint everywhere it's like on the wall it's the wrong color paint it's on the there's like giant smudges and drops of paint there's a fucking like a yarn paint picture like a woven yarn

picture with fucking paint splattered on? I'm like, what the, what the fuck is this? They didn't cover up your woven yarn picture? No, they didn't cover up anything. He's like, oh, get this cleaned up. You can't clean up fucking paint. Are you hiring Mexicans? Well, you deported all the Mexicans.

Who am I'm hiring, yeah. I've been hiring contractors for 20 years. I'm sure there's some magical process you have to pick the guys that don't cause. Ice took all the good guys away. All the guys who knew how to do it are ice. Immigration, they took all the good painters away.

I should call eyes on this guy. Now you're getting fucked. On at least his helper. You want us to put something down? Like, well, I don't know what that's going to do now. Do you think it will help? He's like, no, probably not now. Well.

I mean, did they make any effort to clean it up after the fact? Yeah, that's the worst part is that they made an effort to like smear it around. I'm like, well, I can still see. I can tell everything's whiter than it used to be. Like, I can tell. I know what the floor looks like. So it's the wrong color. Is it the wrong color on the wall?

Is it like obvious? It doesn't blend in? No, the wall was a different color than the ceiling. Now it has a big splotch of the ceiling color on it. People will figure out what happened. They'll take one good look at it and say, oh, yeah. You hired the wrong guys to repair your dry wall and they fucked up the color. I know.

I should have said, you're not going to fuck up, are you? No. You got to say that before any contractor starts doing his work, because otherwise they go, you know, he doesn't care if we fuck up. No, I said that. I said you're going to do a good job, right? You're going to do a good job, right? That didn't work? Those magic words? The magic contractor words? Hey, you're going to do a good job, right? You're going to do it right, right? You're going to do it right. You're going to use masking tape, right?

Sure enough, no. That's fucking eyeballed. Like, I could have fucking eyeballed it, bro. I wanted you to not eyeball it, to put on masking tape and do, like, all the stuff that I don't have time to do, but, you know, you should do. How did you not do that? Why did you not do that? Why did you hire these guys? Where'd you find these guys? Yelp, the same as everyone else. A million star reviews. You know, this guy did the best thing ever. Okay.

This guy's the best. Yeah. But no. And he is, actually. It all got done. No one was raped. So it's a great job. Now that's more, that's the most important part, right?

At least nobody got raped. It's my fault, really, for not putting all the plastic up, moving, moving the painting, you know. I moved everything else. Well, you would think that guy would have the plastic. right? Well, they did. I know they had, I know they did because they put some down before they did the drywall. But then, but just like a little bit.

I guess they thought, I probably thought, oh, I can paint without flicking it everywhere. You got cocky. That is what he thought. Yeah. And you know anyone who's ever painted before knows that you can't do that. Well, I'm sure he's painted before. Maybe this was, he was off his game or something. He's pretty far off. Maybe you distracted him. Well, you know.

Maybe I did do that. Did you put a camera in there to see, you know, did you review the footage later? I don't want to see it. I don't want to see all the paint flicking everywhere. So what's the plan? You're just going to leave it looking shitty? Yeah, there's no, I'm not going to hire someone else to fix it. They'll mess something else up.

Which room is it? All of them. He painted all of them. Splattered paint everywhere. Stairs. You had drywall issues in every room in the house? Yeah, I love fucking putting my fist through drywall. So I just go around fucking make a drywall.

Not even out of anger. That seems like a problem of your creation. I was watching Chrissy Mayer defend the quartering and defend Melanie Mac. I'm like, this fucking bitch, bha, b, bha, bha, bha. Put holes in walls. Put holes in walls. You ever had a- Any other out there?

If you've ever had a painter, just fling paint everywhere, I guess. Now this is your time to vote up the problem. Because me too. Just fucking around. I guess I don't get a lot of stuff painted. Well, you don't have a door. Not really my way. So, yeah, I'm sure it's not.

Yeah, I don't have a door, so what am I going to paint? Now, have you thought about, I got some Warhammer paints. Maybe you can come in there, do some detailing. You can do a little or con there. Do you paint your Warhammer shit? No, I keep wanting. I bought the Metal Gear Solid board game, which comes with a bunch of tiny little to paint.

To paint. It doesn't come with paint, but while I'm saying, it has the little figures that you could paint. And I ain't, no, and nobody got time for that. Why, it's fun. Ain't nobody got time for that. It might be fun. All you have is time. You could take him to your magic show.

I guess I should have took him to my magic show. Paint him there. Go to the park. Paint him on a chess board. It was funny. Go to the magic convention. And the Uber guy goes, where you going? I go, oh, it's a magic convention.

He goes, oh, you do magic? You do magic? Hey, buddy. I do magic to you. Check this out. A cock. I just pulled out of my pants. I said, no, I don't fucking do magic.

Look at me. Does anything about me look magical? I'm not a loser. I'm not one of those gay magic guys. Do I look like a gay wad to you, dude? Yeah. No, I spent hundreds of dollars on card for a retard. Yeah.

That was the worst part was I would explain to them, and then they would go. Why? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, like David Blaine, and I went, yeah, like David Blaine. Whatever, don't matter. Oh, shit, I got to, I just thought of a better problem. I'm going to do second. All right, your turn. All right, good.

Dick, this is a problem which I might need to play some videos because this is my favorite problem. Is it more of your personal friends that you are making fun of because they're embracing their own yourselves? Now I'm making fun of retards, if that's okay.

They're the mentally challenged. Although I'm not making fun of them because they're being horrifically victimized, Dick. By God. Have you heard about spellers? Like wizards? you would hope you would you would hope you would hope um man i don't even know where you get started with this thing so you know how like there's like autism have you heard of autism yeah i've heard

of autism i think you just did a problem about autism okay you did a problem about autism well this one's better than whatever your problem was i did yeah a while ago i think all right pretty pretty recently what was my problem about autism recently oh well here does this ring a bell not autism. Are you sure? That's transgenderism. Okay. So there's people who are autistic and some of them are so autistic that

they can't communicate. They can't even shit. They've got to pull the shit out of them with a hose. So here's a movie. It's called Spellers the movie. This is a documentary. Oh, fuck, yeah. And they've said it's fantastic. What's happened is we've figured out that all these

autistic people are actually secret geniuses. Yeah, fucking spell this shit. And they can spell like nobody's business. They call them spellers, which is fucking weird. And here's how they communicate. Constantly. Okay. Sensory stimuli assault my body constantly.

Okay. T. H. E. S. These nuts. Okay. So they communicate with a board and they spell, right?

Yeah. Okay. T. N. U-T-S. D-I-S-M-I-C-K. Well, isn't it, isn't it great that all these, you know, autistic kids that we, all these autistic kids that we thought couldn't communicate, they're all secret geniuses who have

just been waiting to unlock the vast power of their minds. Okay. And nowhere is this more apparent than with Woody Brown, who has written the novel Upward Bound about struggling. Wait, his name is Woody Brown? His name is Woody Brown, which is a terrible name for a... Sounds like a sex move. I'll give this a big of Wood Brown.

He's a college graduate. Dick, he is a college graduate. Okay. I forget which college. And now he's a published author. And this is actually George Bush's daughter, I guess, is on the day show. And she got the chance to interview this incredible young man. And again, the way he communicates is with this fucking board.

Like Hector Salamanka? Where he types out words. Yeah, yeah. So just here we go. One letter at a time. Woody Brown articulates what's on his mind and what's in his heart. I never thought it possible. Brown is autistic and non-speaking.

Hell yeah, man. Get his dick sucked. It's a letter to communicate. Now, so he wrote a whole book this way, tap it on that little pad, right? And his mom writing down. Yeah, I wrote a whole book that way too. No big deal. Yeah, okay.

Is he ordering fucking fries on that thing? Look at how fat this fuck is. Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza. Here's the curious thing. So this guy is a college graduate. He's a published author. Why doesn't he spell some push-ups? Do you think he's bigger than no?

Look at how big he is. He's very, you think he's bigger than null. Yeah. Watch the letters that he types real quick. Okay. And see if you can see what's going on here. me I want

mostly for neurotypical people to see that we have E X-H-A-A-B Z-R-Z-J We got another Cocoa the gorilla

Let me real quick Just slow it down For a second here He does type He does type very fast Oh, man. Again, this college graduate, it's incredible what he's done here. So, uh, D, E, that could be a word.

X, H, C, maybe he's swiping. A. And as he swiping. This is what his mom says he's typing, that he has dreams like anyone else. So let's see, come on. B, Z, R, Z, J, J, you. This guy has an entire New York Times article written about what an inspiration he is. And this mom just taught a retarded kid to tap at a fucking cardboard behind where she holds it.

He's not spelling anything at all. Get the fuck out of here. Bro, this is a, so back in the 90s, there's an entire old document. I here's the thing. I thought this was all already known that this is like one of the oldest, uh, fucking scams in the book. It was called Tricking the book. Facilitated communication.

And what they found was they're like, well, yeah, well, why don't you just give a keyboard to do it? And the reason they don't is because it's like a fucking Ouija board. The person holding it is clearly moving it around so the person picks the right fucking letter to form a sentence. His mom's not even trying. Well, that's the problem.

His mom's not even, the other ones at least kind of move it and like try to get him to the right thing. This mom's just giving up. I got to get this board for my wife so I can figure out what She's saying. Honey, go over here. Yeah, pick the letter. I'm having a great time.

I'm having a good time. Don't worry about it. Now, look, this has been the subject of much controversy, as some people have noted, how do you type on a board when half the time you're not even looking at the board? Here's probably the most telling. Who looks at the board when they're typing, though? I don't look at the fucking keys when I'm typing a sentence. No, but you can feel the keys.

That board is completely flat. I don't look at my phone while I'm typing messages. Bro, but you know, yes, you do. You have to look at, like, you have to home your fucking fingers in it. Watch, I'm going to email you right now, and I'm not even going to look at it. Try to type on a keyboard without having your hands resting on the keyboard. Okay. What do you want me to type?

I'm going to type you a message right now and I won't look at it. What do you want me to type? Shut up. You're going to type me the fucking F slur or something, all falling for it. Okay, I didn't even, I didn't even, here's the part. I didn't even look at it. You didn't even look at it. Ladies and gentlemen, you all saw that.

I wasn't looking at the keyboard. Now, Vito, if you could please open your email in front of everyone, and first of all, tell the audience we have not met before today. This is not a plant, some guy that I know that we've worked together. Please open up your email.

It's a picture of a trans. Please open up your email, Vito, and show everyone what I sent without looking. Okay. Shut up. Fact. Fucking F-sler, so you misspelled.

You were close. Close. You're close. What else? Here's the part where you go, how are you fuckers falling for this? Listen to this part. Oh my gosh.

I want to cry. Is he not amazing? Amazing. McNally Jackson Bookstore for hosting us. Woody is exceptional. You may notice he has, he puts screens on his lap iPads because if he looks at the iPads,

it helps him sort of focus his brain. He actually said to me and I told my kids. The entire interview. he was watching I love toy trans for and let's be clear this guy who is supposedly a secret novelist genius is going

you know when I unlock the power of my infinite mind this guy does not know how to download a YouTube video he has a screen recording of a YouTube video that he's watching on his tablet all right it's hard to use YouTube's hard to use

even for geniuses. I want to say it ends there. I wanted to say, okay. You don't have to be a genius to write a book, though. You just got to write it. You know, he's got a ghost rider. With the things this guy is supposedly putting out and you go, you're telling me a guy who watches, I love toy trains four all day long, is going,

when I first learned the power of language, I knew that I had to express myself like a butterfly spreading its wings. Okay, here's where it gets worse, Dick. It would, if it would be one thing that stopped at the spellers, parents pretending that they're autistic kids secretly are math geniuses and

solving complex equations, okay? Right. Have you heard of the telepathy tapes as Joe Rogan has promoted on his podcast? Jesus Christ, no. The telepathy tapes are the belief that not only are autistic people, super geniuses, but they're psychics and can communicate with their minds. Now, tell me if you can figure out the problem with this experiment. The lady behind this individual is going to communicate psychically to him what is on the Uno card.

Let's see how they do. One. Maybe shovel again, Dr. Powell. Plaguer. Two. Oh, my God. He got it every time. Now, isn't it curious that the motherfucker holding the Ouija board also gets to see the card as it's revealed and then can move the fucking Ouija board so he presses the right?

You have to do it blind. You have to do it blind. It's the easiest thing to debunk in the world. You go, hey, retarded kid who wrote a book. I'm going to show you a picture. Mom's not allowed to see the picture. Okay, mom has to go in the other room. I'm going to show you a picture.

Then moms are going to come back in and you got to type on your little board what I showed you. Was it a cat? Was it an apple? Was it a tree? And if they can't do it, it's the most obvious fucking, it's a hoax.

She knows what cardied is. And then she moves the fucking board in front of the retarded guy. So he got the plus. Oh my God, I can't believe he got it. And Joe Rogan's on his podcast going, did you know all these autistic guys are fucking psychic? Did you know they all have psychic? No, they don't have psychic powers.

Are you fucking retarded? This is crazy. You know, what do you want? I mean, what do you want these people to do? Does someone like, every time you buy a pack of magic cards, does someone jump out and go, you know, this is an addiction that you're not going to get any enjoyment out of these. You're just like feeding a cycle. Like, how much do you want debunked here?

They're just people having a good time Who do you? No, but it's retarded people Being tricked into They're having a good day Watching a fucking train video, man They're having a great day And you're just shitting all over it

I mean they got to go on TV But they don't even know what the fuck's going on It's women TV man It's happening during the day Nobody who matters is watching it It's just a bunch of chicks Making shit up And then you got a white lady crying

He's so inspirational He told me his... Okay. Do you want to know why it's bad? You don't want this big happy idiot to be on TV you're saying. What you're saying is just stupid. Okay, I'm going to tell you why it's bad. Do you want to know why it's bad?

No. I want to enjoy it. Have you heard of... Have you heard of Anna Stubblefield? Sure. I did my... I did my book report in her in fifth grade. Did your dissertation on this lady?

Yeah, I did my dissertation on Anna Stubblefield. Anna Stubblefield was a lady who specialized in this time, kind of a communication, right? Helping retarded people, you know, type at a board and spell. She would go to families and she went, I'm going to unlock the infinite power of your child's mind, right? And so she went to this family and they went to her, the retarded kid. And she said, oh, my God, you know, you thought he had severe cerebral palsy and he would

never talk again, but I've taught him how to talk and he says he loves you and he wants to be happy. That's great. Yeah, yeah. And the family went, this is fantastic. Oh, my God. I can't believe you has so many inner thoughts. She said, that's right.

And then I had sex with him. Okay, that's pretty good, too. You know? The family said, wait, I couldn't ask you to do that, but I'm glad you did it. Yeah. She said, well, I held up the board. I held up the board. And he started saying, hey, I want to jump your bones.

I want to have crazy fucking animal sex with you. I couldn't believe it. He was just, so what's the problem? she said it's a complete success story and you know he's fully he's a fully capable adult so he's going you know he said yeah you know i just love you so much i want to get married and i want my fucking weird dick inside you right now and i of course he can consent it turns out that this lady uh again ended up going to jail they said no you just raped a retarded guy and pretended that he said it was okay come on the joke's on her i think she suffered enough you just

I just don't want to have any, you don't want anyone to have any fun. All your problems are like, Tifster can't be a beautiful Latin, fat woman, like this lady can't fuck a retarded guy. Nobody has fun in Vito's world. Retarded people aren't. Maybe the retarded guy used his psychic powers to control her and having sex. You don't know that. That could have been what happened.

You don't know that. I mean, they're all psychic. You don't know that. I can't believe. When I saw this stuff, because I thought this stuff was all debunked in the 90s, they have videos. The way they used to do it... What did you think was debunked in the 90s? Facilitated communication, the idea that all these autistic kids are secret geniuses,

they have videos that used to do it. It was debunked the first time one of them rolled into town and started doing it in the fucking 700s. They said, check out, check out this fucking trick. I'm psychic. Somebody said, hey, everyone, this is fucking retarded. Hey, everybody here? This is totally fucking retarded. And they said, yeah, but it's more fun if it's real.

It's more fun if it's real. Well, I thought the 90s We all figured out. This is an obvious hoax, but apparently no, we're still pretending so autistic people have superpowers, which they don't.

Let the guy watches train videos. Let them have, you know, a nice thing on TV. What the hell? Things are bad enough. Bro, I'm seeing all these, like, book clubs being like, we've got to read this inspirational journey, and I'm going, it's a crazy white lady. It's better than them reading more about

like how No, that's good too. What I don't want is like, you know, black people are really oppressed and they need to be, we need to give them more money. We got to get all these Somalians in town, right? Right away. Okay, but the next step is then the autistic retarded kid is going to write a book called why we got to give all our money to the Africans. Well, then you just say, hey, that guy's fucking retarded. We don't need to do what he's saying.

That's when you put a stop to it? Yes. At that point, yes. But as long as women are keeping themselves busy, playing magic. not your kind of magic, their kind of magic with returning people. Do we magic tricks? What do you call it? Fucking being psychic.

I guess my point is I would love to invite Woody Brown to come on the podcast and debunk my debunking. Okay, I bet you, I bet you that Woody could come on here and read my mind. I don't know if Woody's psychic. Woody is not claimed to be psychic. Let's see. If Woody can come on here and tell you what I'm thinking, do you, would you believe it then? God, there's all these interviews with Woody Brown about what have...

It's like all these people, all these people just go, oh my God, what an inspiration. You go, didn't you notice his mom's there like saying all that shit? And he's just looking at fucking trains. Did you go, that's kind of weird? Yeah, but you're not on TV. He's on TV. He's on TV. He's on TV. He's a big time. I hope he has a good follow up. He's a big time author. Don't you think that guy, okay, if he put out a book and the book was called,

how much I fucking love trains, then I could suspend my disbelief. If he said there was a big train, it was black and it was bigger than all the other trains. I'd go, that seems like the kind of thing that guy would write. I don't think he would write about the infinite power of being trapped inside your mind.

That doesn't follow. Yeah, that's what his mom wants. That's, well, that's what his mom wants. His mom wants that book. You know? I get it. It sucks when your kid's retarded. Your kid can't go, I love you, ma'am.

So you got to hold a board up and pretend he said it. Yeah, but it's awesome if your kid's psychic, and he's guessing Uno cards on TV. That's cool. At least that kid could like, he was going, plus two. So maybe he is like, you know, he's reading the board. Can't figure it out. Well, that's the other thing is they do get some guys. They like make you believe it because they get like some guys who clearly used to not be retarded.

And you're like, well, yeah, that fucker can spell. But the rest of them fucking can't. I'm going to do that. There's like a ringer. Next time there's a retarded guy like taking my order or at the movies or something. I want to say like, well, are you one of those psychic retarded people? Just tell me, you tell me what I want to eat. You tell me what I want.

When I go to Walmart, you go, can I see your receipt? I go, you already know what I bought. They go, you're right. Thank you. You're right. You want to see you. I don't even want to know. You want to do the movie with me? And I go, no. Frank Gottling. Thank you. I'll say this and just guess the fucking movie I wanted to see. I'll shout it.

Everybody. Are there any black people here? Get over here. This and just guess the fucking movie I want to see in my head. Go ahead. Guess what he's thinking. Okay. If retarded people are psychic, it would be cool if you went to the movies and you're like,

I don't know what movie I want to see. And he could like search your feelings and go, No, I don't want that because I don't know what movie I want to see. I want him. But he'll be able to tell based on an innate understanding of the human condition that he only has for being locked inside himself. You don't want to be home drinking. And he goes, is there a new minions? movie and you go, no, you can go home and watch it on and I pay it. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, it's weird. Every time you go on the movie theater, the retired guy thinks you want to see minions. I do. Every single time. But there's not enough minions movies. There's not enough. I heard the new minions movies are going to be R-rated for some reason. I'm excited. Because they're going to rape grew. Yeah, there's going to be a lot of rape. It's going to be a lot of rapes. I'm looking forward to it. You're going to rape that guy from the first time. Anyway, I guess my problem is autistic people with superpowers. I'm afraid of them and they're coming for it. Okay,

my problem. Last problem is political door knockers. Hello. Bing, Bing, bong. Knock, knock. It's bad. The solar guys are bad enough. But they kind of, they kind of like you get one every once in a while.

The political doorkers just come over and over and over and they just won't take no for an answer. You got to sign something? I mean, what do you mean? No. They need to know your candidate. I know they got it. And they're asking all these questions.

I don't even know. Like, man, I don't know. And all their questions are like, so I tried just brutal honesty today. One of them came to my front door and he's like, do you know who you're voting for? I'm like, honestly, just anyone who's not the fat chick. Ulysses Hernandez or whatever he goes. Yeah, yeah. Eunice is Hernandez.

He goes, well, this guy. What about this guy? What is this local council or what? I think it's, we got a bunch of stuff happening now. You know, Spencer Pratt. running for, are you in L.A.? You're not in L.A. Yeah, but I'm only paying attention to the

mayoral race. I'm not looking at any of the local shit. Oh, I got the worst fucking council person. I got the worst of everybody in my district. Vote centers near me. Is there a picture of a Chinese lady on here? I just get, because where I am, I just get my fucking male full of pictures of Chinese

women. Oh, yeah. You probably have great people representing you. You want more dragon? You want more rice? And I go, I got enough rice. They got enough dragon. They go, Okay. Okay. Don't vote for me, then.

Did you see the news? My fucking... I have a bunch of... I either have tipster before or after. My representative is in jail right now for aiding and abetting China. Did you see that news story? Yeah, who is that? The lady of the fucking mayor of Arcadia or whatever just got arrested because she was working for China.

So that's my fucking district, which already is... I tell you, I go outside. It's like Beijing. I go to the fucking Costco. It's like Kowloon Waldmarket down there. Okay? And I go, yeah, because this fucking bitch was working. with China to import all these fucking Chinese people.

You know, I thought I was funny. And now she's getting two years in prison. Like, she literally was working with China. That's not enough. I thought we hang people for that. Well, she was like, she was doing like the kind of cool treason where she was just telling people like, yeah, China is great. I don't even know why you'd say anything bad about China.

They're just cool, man. Yeah, it's treasonous. Oh, yeah. So this, this kid comes up and he's asked these questions. He's like, well, what do you, what do you care about? and I was like, uh, well, I hate the homeless. Like, we got to get rid of them. You know what I'm talking about?

He's like, oh, okay. That's a little. I was trying to like, you know, mess with them just to see what they'll do. And he's like, well, how did you react to that? He goes, well, this guy, you should vote for this guy. And I was like, yeah, how does he feel about the homeless? He's like, well, he wants there to be less homeless. I said, that's not what I said.

He wants there to be less homeless. We all want there to be less homeless. It's not an answer. I said, why do you like this guy? And he goes, it's my dad. And I said, get the fuck out of here. I'll vote for him. Don't work.

Get out of here. Wait, was it really his dad? I don't know. That's what he said. He was out there campaigning for his dad? Yeah. That's a pretty good pitch. That's what I said of it.

And I was like, and he left and I was like, shit. Is he really his dad? I didn't ask for any ID. Oh, well, I guess I'll vote for him anyway. Like, it was the only good experience I ever had one of these fuckers coming in my door. That's a pretty, that's a hard pitch to turn down. We're like, well, why should I vote this guy?

He goes, well, he's my dad. Like, all right. Get out there. You're out there doing it for your pop. Okay. You voted me. And then the other guy's like, yeah, plus. And he was like, get to, shut up.

You're already, you're sold. He's, I'm voting for him. Don't worry. I hate. The other guy goes, we gotta get rid of this fat bitch. Now you ruined it. That's on city council, this fat tub of shit. We got to get rid of her.

She's fatter than tipster after. She's fatter than both tipsters. She's fatter than new tipster. Yes. And more Latina. We got to get rid of her. That's my problem. Yeah, the campaigners, man.

they're out there. Well, today I was, you know, it's also the guys outside the stores, man. It's not always political campaigners, though. It's the guys of the clipboards. I had the ASPCA outside the CVS today. My door was open. I was dealing with the painters,

fucking throwing paint all around, having a paint fight downstairs. And you know what? I just remembered? The fucking neighbor had some painters over, and it was, they was totally redoing their deck because all rotted out, messed up.

They redid their deck. And I was like, wow, can I get these guys' numbers? They're doing a great job. And then I come back from picking up food. And I go downstairs, and there's just paint all over my deck. Like, they went, they spray painted the underside of the deck next door, but it just all... And it drifted over. Drifted over and got everywhere.

And there was like a giant paint splatter. So I texted the neighbor. I'm like, hey, I think your guys were having like a paint fight in the backyard. But Did the neighbor like Do anything about it? I mean that's pretty shitty Sorry I'm like yeah

I'm sorry I don't even care Like I don't even care Because I hate these fuckers They all do this If I had any kind of reaction Like I would still be A person inside

But I'm just not I'm dead inside I don't care Just letting you know So you can bust their balls And like get money From them But

Can't you up Put something on your door So they leave you alone? It's illegal Everything I'd put on my door is illegal Yeah You can't put a big swastika on there No

I want to make Hitler vote for Hitler Signs put them around I was gonna say you know We all just want less homeless That was that was Hitler's pitch He just went well we just want You know more We just want the country running good

Actually Hitler wanted a lot more homeless It was just who was homeless That was the problem It was gonna be homeless Yeah What were we gonna do with those homes? giving to people who could do a lot of work to them, I guess.

Give them back to the people they got stolen from. Yeah. Anyway, that's my problem. He said the problem is they keep trying to get us to give away our cars, and I'm putting a stop to it. That was Hitler's biggest problem is he had this awesome Volkswagen, and he got swindled into this. They donated all the Volkswagons!

No! He went, this is going to help all the children of the world? And they said, yes, sir, Mr. Hitler. We're going to help all the children. I love the children. I love the children. I want to donate them my Volkslagon. And then he found out that I went to Mr.

Heimstein's summer camp for Jewish youth. And youth is like an acronym for accountants or something like that. Right, yeah. Summer camp for accountants. It's a good move. It's a good move. Has anybody ever been to the Cards for Kids Camp? Yeah, what do you call it?

Jerry Seinfeld, Howard Stern. They're putting on... Larry David. It used to be another camp. They took it over slowly. It used to be a Palestinian camp. And then they brought in the rape ducks. Every winter they come in and they push their benches over.

They move their like auditorium and bonfire area. What happened? I thought our camp was bigger last year. And they go, y'all be fine. It's fine. It's not a big deal. Well, we share it. What do you do in Jewish summer camp?

I don't know what is... What do you mean Jewish summer camp? What do you do at summer camp? Why? Because you're saying they can't send your Jewish kid to regular summer camp. You've got to send them to a Jewish summer camp. They can only hang out with Jewish kids. Well, because they do like a bit of Bible study also, I think.

Do they do that? And honestly, it's just like... Because Jews can discriminate, everything they have is a little bit better. So they can send it to like If you go to Jewish summer camp You know like there's nobody going around Like stealing shit out of your bags At Jewish summer camp

So it's just nice to true Like why would you not If you had the option of going to People like you camp Why would you not do it? That's the whole point of camp I think that I mean it's probably fun to go to Jewish summer camp

I mean I was always jealous of my Jewish friends Who uh they get that free trip to Israel man Yeah get it They just go yeah went to Israel, you know, it's like a paid propaganda tour for every Jew gets to go. Yeah. And you just go and you look around and then, you know, at the end of it, they go. So if you ever like, like, Maggie, where do you go?

You live in L.A.? They ever make any money in the movies? You send it a little bit back here to your boys in Israel. Yeah. All right. I mean, you guys got me a free trip. I could send you a couple bucks. When you leave, they make you take a handful of dirt from Palestine, like Shoshank Redemption.

So you go back and spread it around. Do they make you take the? the dirt? You're going to take the dirt? Yeah, I make you take the dirt. You went to Israel, right? I kissed the wall. Why did you go to Israel? Because it's fun. There was a burning man there. There's a burning man there's like a mini burning man. It's a burning man? Yeah, in Israel.

Oh, is that where all the guys came over the walls? So it wasn't as good as great. Oh, wait, sorry, say that again. I'm saying it used to be a good burning man, but now every time you go, there's some guys with fucking jet packs are coming and just kill everybody, it sounds like. I wish I would have been there for that I would have taken those fuckers out I mean it was probably pretty cool I would have known right away I'd have been like uh oh

yeah it's the fucking death squad coming in and I would have been high odds as fuck on acid going fucking ballistic slitting throats yeah it's gotta suck man you're just trying to have a nice Jewish music festival and a bunch of guys with fucking air air backpacks or whatever

here comes the A team I would have woken up out of of any slumber thinking it was Mexicans blowing their lawnmowers. So I would have been incensed with rage and fueled on it. There's nothing you can do though. No matter what you do, you end up funding Israel. No matter what you do,

anything you like. You can't, you can't avoid it. You know, it's like that thing. There's no ethical consumption under capitalism. There's no non-Jewish consumption under capitalism. All right. It's true.

Okay, I'm going to give you an example. Do you need one? What do you? I think that. Were you a big Power Ranger fan? I loved Power Rangers when I was kid. I was buying all the Power Rangers toys. Yeah.

Well, that's the thing. You didn't know every dollar you gave to the Power Rangers. Fucking 30 cents of it went to fucking fund in the Iron Dome. You didn't know. That is the worst example. Consuming a media product is going to fund his. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, but Power Rangers, you thought it was going to Japan or some shit?

You're like, yeah, this is helping the land of the rise? Nope, Jews. It's all going to the Jews. They got their fingers in there. Somehow. Ah, okay. Those are the problems. Nintendo's based out of Washington.

They got a lot of Jews in Washington. They got a lot less than the Jewish contacts. Ayo. All right, our problems are the Jews, the retards, the paintings. You're doing that stuff. Not me. I love the Jews. They're clever guys.

You know, I went to Israel. I kissed the wailing wall. Like, I pose for a picture and stuff. It was trying to be funny, but I was looking at the picture recently, and I thought it's just like, it looks genuine. Yeah. You can't do this and you can't sarcastically kiss a wall. There's no way to goof it up. There's no way to goof up kissing the wall.

Yeah, because everybody who goes and does. it is doing a performance of the most dramatic thing possible. So there's no way to overdo it. It's like, oh, okay, would a fucking waste of an opportunity. I'll never be here again. You went to the Schindler grave and put some

rocks on it. Yeah. Okay, Cameron says pretty messed up. Vito would take money from a guy with a newborn. I hope this 250 helps, Richard. No, it doesn't. It's not 250s, Cameron. You fucking... It's $499. So you just gave me $2.49.

actually not even that because YouTube takes 30% so I don't know what the math is is 150 so you give me 349 and I take half of 349 but because of my tax bracket it's probably you probably just get me 50 cents so no Cameron it does not help good work Cameron

50 fucking cents but thanks for your joke dinus penis secchi Dick Pinoeseki for 7602 Vito Roundboy in the countdown Soggy Froggy for five. I've been waiting 15 minutes for the countdown to start. Where's my fucking countdown? I hope that you got what you wanted.

Soggy froggy. Radley for 10. Shoobox poops while standing up. Cardinal Bird for 10. Thank you Vito for not banning the plums from the Vito server, a.k.a. Fun server, fun server. After Dick banned us from his. All the plums got banned?

despite that whole arc of him roasting you for banning people. Yeah, I mean, I went in there and said un-band those guys, but they said you guys were joking about reporting people, and then a bunch of people got reported. So, sounds like you got, you quartering to yourself in there.

And, uh, I don't know what's going on, but thank you to the two people who joined my... I'm sorry if you weren't reporting people, but you can't be joking about fucking reporting people. It worked out for me. Yeah, Mick, Mick Emrath for two.

Damn, the countdown strikes again. Not Mothman for two Just countdown. Damn how fucked up his dick studio. Pretty fucked up. Jayhawk DX for 10. Oh, by the way, I saw Stratergery is missing. Straturgery, come back. We miss you. Jayhawk for 10, the quartering pounder, the corpulence.

Spider- Eternal for two, any hot shakes on Chud the Builder. Welcome back. Oh, yeah, Chud the Builder. You watch that guy? You see that guy? Yeah, he said like the N-word or something. I got shot or shot himself. I mean, that should have been my voted up. The N-word defense in reverse is that he goes on the street. He says the N-word to a bunch of black guys and then one of them tries to like punch him and he just shoots the guy dead.

And I go, I'm seeing a lot of like mixed messages on whether you're allowed to just do that or not. I don't think you are. I think if you know your behavior is going to provoke somebody into a possible act of physical aggression. You can't go, oh, self-defense. Not in every town. I don't know. But what town was could you do it in Texas? Where did this happen? I don't know. Well, I mean, it's always like, do you have, do you have a duty to retreat? Let's see. Chud the builder is facing attempted murder and felony charges outside the Montgomery.

Well, Montgomery was Nashville? Yeah, I think so. Oh, he'll be fine. Oh, I don't know about that. Well, Nashville. No, Tennessee. It would be Tennessee, right? I don't know. Either Lee was arrested in Nashville. I don't fucking know. Anyway, yeah, his whole thing is he goes up to guys on the street, calls him the unword, and then he's like, what do you do about it? When he has a gun while he's doing this?

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the thing. It's like, I don't think you can go around with a gun trying to get someone to take a swing at you, you know? No, the laws aren't really meant to protect that. Well, written house was good because written house was like, I'm just helping, man. I'm just being helpful, you know? And you're like, that's a really good defense. You know, his defense is, well, I was just going out there calling black guys the N-word to piss him off.

And it's like, well, you logically could know that would potentially escalate into a situation. And then you can't go, who got you? You know? It's too bad because I agree with him. And I'm glad he did it. You agree with the one? You should be able to shoot people? Yeah, you should be able to antagonize people and then shoot them if they attack you.

Yeah, absolutely. Sure. Okay. But People think Vito's misrepresenting what happened Well, what happened? That's what I understand happened. He's nice to anyone, but blacks press him, and then he calls them an...

Okay, so he's a really nice guy. Well, then how does he end up in all these altercations? Beats me. Shut up, Dick. Spider Eternal. For two. Any hot... Oh, yeah, I already got him. The Pope for five.

I just watched a documentary. I think it was pretty cool. I like the part where the narrator explains stuff. He was there. Oh, that's great. Shoebox Kingdom for five. Dick, please address the wave of unjust bands from the TDS Discord. I'm paying for something I'm not receiving. This is a bad of Vito.

Well, look, if you guys were not reporting people, go take it up with probably Johnson, Long Johnson, or someone else. Recade a law in the chat says, imagine advocating you can't say the N-word without having someone try to kill you. I think it's a little more than that. I think we'll see. I hope he gets off. That'll be great, because then everyone can start doing it. Just walk around town, and, and, and, and, like a fucking shooting gallery. I'll get the sandwich board from Die Hard 3 and walk around.

What I mean? You know, all those cops are always getting in trouble. Like, why don't they? Whatever. It doesn't make, yeah. Yeah, hell is fine. That's fine. Do whatever you want.

The Cardinal Bird for two, shoebox. Unfortunately, poop standing up. Balder for two, shoebox confirmed to stand, then pooping. Balder for two says, When. Jess Carl, for chance,

says, I was crying of laughter last episode and Vito mentions. He casually asked for free food at the drive-thrues. Now, you got to be in person. You can't do it in a drive-thru.

Oh, wow. You got to be inside the store. And then you go, yeah, you guys are going to throw that out, right? You do that, really?

I've done it. I've done it at the Dunkin' Donuts. They'll always give you a free donut at the Dunkin' Donuts. Oh. You should get a little military hat and say you're a veteran. are you got any free food that you're going to throw away that I can have? No, you make a little joke. If you make the employee

laugh, they'll usually go, yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, hey, I go, hey, some of those donuts look like they're going bad. If you want to throw any of them away into my bag, I won't tell nobody. And they laugh and they give you a free donuts. You're like Wimpy, dude. You're like the guy from Popeye. No, because Wimpy says he's going to pay them back. I say, just give me that free donut. Yeah, but everyone knows he's not going to pay them back.

They don't know. I think some people went Wimpy first. Popeye's not stupid. Okay. Yeah, but Popeye is not stupid. doesn't, but that's what Wimpy doesn't always go to Popeye. He goes to new guys. Everybody knows what Wimpy's about. Everybody knows. Not everybody knows what Wimpy's about. That's how he keeps getting

guys. That's Wimpy's whole gimmick. No. Everybody knows what that fuck is about. He gladly pay you Tuesday for a cheeseburger today. They even know what he's going to say. He's playing into it because he knows. Look, I'm a Wimpy, and I know how to get a free donut. And if people don't want to use my life hacks, that's fine.

He just put on a smile You get a free donut Cherry Bow for five I got banned from the TDS server For like no reason I yeah I'm not a balder send the show Oh this is terrible

That's a lot of bands For four or five people Fuck That's like at least a couple I'm gonna get in there I'm gonna spend all fucking week Trying to unwind this one fellas I'm gonna get in there

We've been hanging out on the Vito show Discord server at Patreon dot com slash the veto show and i got to say we're having a ton of fun no one's getting banned over there so i want to yeah go and veto zero distored no one gets banned there we got a whole board you can post all the child porn no uh the pope for five the guy on the documentary kept saying that shoebox poops standing up is shoebox a person bald or bald for if anyone knows how to contact strutry tell me i i don't know what happened to that guy uh balder for five everybody wants to be balder but it's more

of an experience. Rattle Twin. Hey, Dick, can you email Vito right now? He seems to be really upset. You won't email him. You might as well do it now. Garfield's Bizarre Adventure, he did. He did email me. Garfield's Bizarre Adventure 5. Have you considered having pot-off on the channel? The views on your live

replays used to get 50K. That's not true. Now they barely reach 10K. Jesse can save it. I think I'd rather stay in the five-figure range. Thank you. Ed Star for 10. Yes. Go ahead.

Cars for Kids supports Jewish youth. Well, they're giving a false impression because they got a black kid playing an electric guitar. And I'm looking at a picture of Jewish summer camp right now. It's like Al Capone getting hit for tax evasion. That commercial. Look, man, I'm looking at a picture of Jewish summer camp and not, just tell me how many black

kids you see who are playing an electric guitar in this picture. Okay, this is the camp. Oh, you found it? I'm looking. Yeah, right. here. I'm looking around. I'm not seeing like a lot of diversity here.

Okay? And I got no problem with that. That's fine. This should be the Cars for Kids commercials should be this little glasses kid and fucking they just had to put a black guy in there. They had to put a black guy in there even though they're not getting black people any money. Yeah. Maybe one of the kids in the cars

if kids commercial could have a Yamika and then you pause and you go, why is that Jewish kid so prominent? What's that about? You know? They use black people way too much. Like the whole, the whole Super Bowl ad with that blue square was centered around. That was so weird. Yeah, like fantasizing about a black kid saving you from a, I assume, other black kids.

In the ad, it was white kids bullying you. Yeah. Yeah. They were saving him from. Well, that was the weirdest fantasies. You go, all those white kids are being so mean. I'll get a black kid to protect me and go, I don't know what. world we're living in.

Sure. You're going to be fine. It's weird. It's inappropriate that they're doing that. I see why Kanye is so upset. I've learned a lot. I've learned a lot. Let's see.

Ricade a law for 20 says I called out Keffels because I was eliminating the competition. Could work. Competition of what? I don't know. Cephel's is giving drugs to teenagers, Nick. You got to have a one in front. Yeah, I don't think you want to. I don't know if you want to say.

that. Garfield's Bazaar Adventure for 5 says Vito said Superkiller would be delivered in a few months and that was back in February. Just admit that you and Dick ran a comic book scam and stole $120,000. Just, Vito, just admit it. I'm asking the hard questions, okay? This is, this is really going to make you squirm. Just admit it.

Dick was unwittingly lured into my scam, but it's my scam. Let's be clear. Raddle twin. Hey, Vito, can I get your opinion on Hunter Schaefer? Oh. Who is Hunter Schaefer? Who is that? Yeah, that's the one I was thinking of.

Thank you. Cypherson sucked us for two. He's not Hunter Avalon. Garfield's bizarre adventures. Ten, I don't know what's more pathetic. Dick being dumb enough to give Vito 50% ownership of the show or Vito's still doing the show. And there, you can feel it. That's when it becomes too long, right at that moment.

Despite being banned from the studio for his own show. Thank you for the 10 bucks. Cody Forster for 10. Hey, Dick not listened in a while. Osvito shipped the comic yet. No. I'll check back in another six months. It's funny he talked all that shit, yet Eric has a catalog.

Miss Sean. Yeah, I mean... Eric July's killing it. I don't even think it's funny anymore. Agnosticon, Zimaki for two. So it was never funny. It was pretty funny when you didn't ship a comic, and Eric just shipped like millions of dollars of crap.

Yeah, we're both fucking up in unique in ways, I'd say. That's what makes it funny. Yeah, that's like... Now he's making kids comics. of comedy. Rockstar for five. Vito, I actually just sent Richard

to a podcast to review about the speller stuff, Lull. Apparently there's also a psychic. It's called the telepity files. I think he sent that super chat a little too quickly. We did get into that.

Soggy Frogger for two women are easily impressed by spelling. I'll take a clubbering for five. Biggs problem is my feed full of rage bait news instead of gooner bait memes. Jack Rockstar for two. You got to be kidding me.

He stole my whole flow. and Matt C for 5. I worked one of these savants before. Bigs impact they made to work was unscrewing the main waterline in the bathroom one time. He's talking about your painters. Clap, trap to the Shriver 5.

I love him my two black dads streamed together. Thank you. Spiterer eternal for two. Vito was jealous of his brother being a genius. Yeah, when that kid was shit in his pants, I didn't know he was secretly communicating telepathic... Why don't you take out one of these... Do one of these things.

Like... I should have taught him to spell. If only I taught him out a spell. No, you don't... Vito, they don't actually spell. They're just moving the board. Black Angus reviews for two says Willie Brown put out a book for a super killer

Indeed he did I lost to Woody Brown Woody Brown's killing it Utah based our media for five says I bet Vito's brother publishes a book Before Vito delivers super killer I think he's working on one See how these are shorter than your insult

Guy who paid 10 bucks Yeah you gotta be quick You gotta be snappy Brevity is the soul of levity They say Yes I think some Who said that Maddie Brown said that

that and his hit. Yeah, Maddox said that. Another retarded person. Maddox, you got to come on my magic podcast. I got a great pitch for a bit me and Billy can do. All right? Fuck Dick. I know you don't like Dick, but I want you to come on my magic podcast. All right. It's got nothing to do with Dick.

The Pope for 10, rest in peace for Johnson Brown's elongated knees after Balder pretended to stock him for six months and getting blamed for everything he didn't actually do. Is that what happened? I don't. I think so. Oh, man. I think that's what's happening.

Great problem. Chewbox came in for two. It says, Balder, Balder, Balder, Balder, true metal, Jake for five. I missed that old bit with the pirate hat and the toy smashing. What was it called? It was called What's Behind Door Number Three? The Pope for five.

Did you know Johnson Brown gains an inch and height every time he bans Balder? Too bad. He thinks everyone is balder and doesn't actually ban him. Did somebody pretending to be Baldur get banned? Is that what's happening? Is there a fake balder fucking up to everything? This is Dick's show Discord drama.

I don't follow any of this. Decosugi for two says, I hate being balder. Being balder sucks. We got a couple more super chats coming in here. Let's see here. Dekasuki for two says, I'm reporting this stream right now.

Cardinalbird for two says, what happened to? Jokes are fun. LJ. Collaborina for two says, Super Killer, Long pillow covers when? I believe you mean Dockey Makuras, and we're working on it. Baldur for five, I'm just a figurehead.

I have nothing to do with any of this. Rice for five. H3H3, Ethan Klein, old video at the wall actually looks funny and not genuine, it's possible. So apparently, Ethan Klein did a funny video at the wall, but that doesn't make any sense because he's like diehard Jewish.

But he's like extreme Zionist. It's not just, we're not going for the same message. Yeah. DeKisugi Chin Tsuji for five. I'm reporting Cardinal forgetting the jokes. Our funny reference wrong. Rattle twin for five says reporting Decker right now. He's mean to me.

I'm not gay boy. Dekosugi for two. I'm reporting GB for reporting me. Report that fucker. reported Decosugi Chisugi for I dislike this post. Matt C for two says Vito's life hags are have no shame and beg. Hey, I got to be real. It goes a long way. You know I got into Magicon?

It's not a long way. You know I got into MagicCon early? Magicon is a giant line. It's like, it's like 30 minutes to get in. So here's the thing is if you're a big fat guy, I'm like this fucking sucks because like the VIPs were going in early. So I'm like, I'm just going underline. I'm going in.

And a lady's like, hey, hey, you can't do that. And I went, oh, God, I got to go to the bathroom. Oh, God, I got diarrhea. Oh, God. And they're like, if you're a big fat guy and you say you have diarrhea, you can get into anything. You can get into anywhere. They will let you into the fucking White House.

And they go, oh, my God, oh, my God. And they ushered me to a fucking bathroom. And then a black security guard was like, do you need anything, man? Do you need some water? I'm like, yeah, I can't use some water. You got me like a Fiji water or whatever. and that's how I got into magic on early is you just be a big fat piece of shit

and you say you got horrible you go oh god man I don't know what happened I just got I must say ate something bad last night I had diarrhea he said all right enjoy the cons sir and I said oh thank you guys oh that's so helpful you guys are so helpful and I got to skip like a 30 minute line by just saying I had diarrhea

so if you're a big fat piece of shit and you should sound a little bit retarded also you know you go if you sound a little bit retarded It goes from like, oh, because otherwise they think you're a scammer because you look like a scammer, but if you sound a little bit retarded, they believe it. That's great, man. I would love to know that if you actually had to scream that I have diarrhea, if they would have just let you run in because no one really does that.

But I'm glad you figured it out. Well, I didn't do it until they confronted me. They're like, hey, man, you're skipping the line. I went, oh, God, oh, God, I got diarrhea. Quick thinking. I got diarrhea. Oh, God. And then a helpful black security guy took me to the bathroom and he waited outside.

I don't know why he was waiting outside the bathroom. I'm like, I wanted to sneak out of here and go to the show. But he's like, you okay in there, man? You're good in there? I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Oh, oh, the diary. Oh, geez. Utah-based Armenian for two.

He says Lenny Kravitz learned guitar at Jewish summer camp. Yeah, why don't you have Lenny Kravitz in the fucking head? Yeah. For 20. Richard, FYI, the reporting should happen six months ago. Plum joked about it after being reported several times in a row. Wakata Taka for 10. Plum started joking about after being.

You figure, you guys figure out, save this for the, Dick's show. Guys, can't you figure it out for God's sake? Can't you, can't you figure it out, guys? Can't you just exist in the discord without causing so many problems? The furry, the furries, the gay furries want us to be divided. Can't we just all tolerate each other in the discord?

Can we just use the black button, please? Or come to the veto discord where everybody's having a great time. veto discord, but... Come on over. You get to hear all my food progress. I'll start posting food videos in there for all you people want fucking food videos. Well, kind of talking for 10 when Super Shiller invited himself to sketch the countdown. Saline-inflated Nads had super-shar.

Oh, he said it. He said it. He said it. He said it. Wait. Oh, shit. Whoops. What?

and we'll be back next week with more.