The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 229

Episode Date: May 22, 2026

Where did he go? Where did Vito go? Oh, there he is. You disconnected. Did you know that? I did, because I'm trying to see how to use my beauty effect. Beauty effect. I think it's working.

No, I don't think it is. I think I have to switch it to the beautiful camera. And then if I switch it to the beautiful camera, hold on me. How many beautiful cameras do you have on you right now? Oh, he didn't hear that one. what's a what's a beautiful camera like gives you like pink cheeks pink cheeks and sparkles give you a pink cheeks and sparkles you got to add me back to the thing oh yeah what do you so are you beautiful now i got a new camera from china and it has um they make cameras of

your size in china that's the crazy thing it's it's so tiny it's like really It's like this small, but it's better. Is it a Makoto? Makoto? Is that a real thing or is that just you being racist? Oh, why would that, what's racist about Makoto? Is it the Makoto? Oh, Chi Chong Watto.

I don't know if that's... That's what you sound like. Not even a very racist name. I'm just saying it sounds like you made up a name and Makoto would not be Chinese. It was made up. I didn't make it up. Makoto? Is it a Makoto?

How to use beauty? enabling the beauty effect will significantly increase CPU and GPU usage. In some cases, the CPU will light on fire. Does it say that? Well, it'll say if you're a big, big America boy. In some cases, we do not recommend the... Makoto?

Matoko? When I change over to the... When I change over to the beauty camera, it just turns off immediately. So I don't know what. You overloaded the fucking CPU, man. it'll make me look like a little Japanese woman it'll it'll like contour in real time you're looking pretty good maybe it's working right now

no I don't think so I think I didn't set it up ahead of time it's got filters it's got pure so what the fuck but then it says advice is accepted I don't think it's going to work maybe next time maybe next time I'll be a beautiful so what are you doing with this thing like

only fans you get a catfish well no now it's uh now it does everything for me i don't got to look at this i got a little joystick i can go all around with the and i can uh you know you didn't just get a normal camera you got a camera with a video game attached to it it's got a video game and that's got auto framing so let's oh please upgrade wait no i had it working what do you mean upgrade fucking package auto frame me it wants me to upgrade the firmware wait so it'll follow you around yeah yeah so if like if i go over here but now it's not. Oh, yeah, hold on.

Auto-Focus exposure. It was working before. So if you go away and you come back, it focuses on you? Auto-framing. Okay, now come back. There you go. Work. Oh.

This thing sucks. It doesn't suck. That's good. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. Not really. It's because I'm garbage. Look.

Perfect. Look at it. What is this shit that you have? Like what kind of weird camera panning is that? It is the Ozbot meat to... Yeah, I mean, I guess it could be a more smooth pan. It's supposed to be for like streaming or something.

It looks like Soul ringers like camera work. Well, the reason I took it off is because it gets all fucking... Yeah, now it does look like fucking Soulringers. It's because you got to make your eyes like them. It's got facial recognition. So you got... There you go. It's looking for two of these and it's not finding it.

I'm going to turn off the auto framing. You're getting tomatoed. Your camera's getting tomatoed. Not me. What do you mean tomato? This is great. This is great. Now I don't have to, now I don't have to reach up and move the camera.

I can grab my little joystick and I go, do whoop. I got to say, I love it. It's great. It's good. It's honestly, okay, well, let's be real. What else can it do? This cock sucker, and it's been the worst thing ever. I plug in this Chinese piece of shit.

Two seconds. later. Picture looks great. You can tell that other one is garbage. I don't got to adjust. It said it was good for low-lighted. It's got the Razor logo on it. So you know it's for gamers.

It's trash. Gayers. Oh, hey, I got a child abduction Amber Alert. An Amber Alert has been activated by the California Highway Patrol. Oh, but here's the name of the kid. Elias Linaris Quintanella. He's got a name like a Mexican weather lady. This should be an ice alert.

Ice Contral. take this kid. We don't need the fucking child protection services searching him out. Anyway. Ice alert. Do you have that app? Ice alert. Ice alert. Yeah. It goes, if you see a Mexican kid, take a picture of them. It's okay. It's not pedophilic.

Sent it to us. Send him in. Man, did you see that Mexican kid who was dying of cancer in Chicago or something? No. And his parents went, well, I guess we should sneak into America to go see our cancer kid and you go, you don't get to just do that.

They got caught at the border. Okay. And they were, like, crying. They're like, but our kids got cancer. Our kids got cancer. And then everybody said, well, can't your kid just go to Mexico and be with you there? And they're like, well, yeah. So they sent the kid to Mexico.

And then they sent the parents to Mexico. And they got to watch their kid die in Mexico. What kind of cancer did he have? Tortilla cancer? What kind of cancer to Mexicans again? I was going to say, yeah. Tortilla cancer. He had too much chalula sauce or whatever.

Chalupas pour on everything. She had cancer of the chalupa gland. Muiipacante. Chalupacal gland wasn't gorged. Yeah. So, uh... They really went back to Mexico with their cancer kid?

You went back to Mexico. No one helped him? I go nuts. Seth Rogen didn't help him? No, Seth Rogen didn't help him, sadly. Should have helped him out. Oprah didn't help him? Here's what's always crazy, man.

Is they always give America. They're like, you guys, you guys are horrible to immigrants. And I go, give me an example. example. And they go, well, did you hear of this little girl who came to America and she didn't get enough water and she died of dehydration? I go, no way. How is that possible? Yeah, and I go, what do you mean? And they go, well, because she came over with her dad and they were in a detention center. And the dad, instead of going to literally any American going, hey, can I get some water for my kid? Because it's America, obviously, you'll give me water. Yeah, he was being like quiet and not saying anything.

And then the second they find out the kids dying, what do the Americans do? We don't go. Well, sucks to be you. Give her gatorade. We get a fucking, no, we get a helicopter. We brought in a helicopter to save one little Mexican girl. And people point to that and they go, see America's the cruelest place on earth. I go, find another country where you got a little girl dying. And we go, let's get her all fucking helicopter and zip her off to our magical fucking medicine and shit.

That's one good cleaning lady. We can't let this girl die. Well, that's the story. The story is America let a little girl die. And I go, no, America fucking sordid a daddy to. a magic flying machine. Exactly. We brought one of our magic flying mobiles to try and save a little girl.

Sorry. My, our bad. What would they have done in Israel? They shoot it got water right away, but it would have been 20 bucks. It would have been, yeah.

That's a good system, too. You know, hey, it works for those people. You see those Orthodox Jews chase the cash for kids? Why did I know you were going to bring that up? I was going to bring it up myself. All right.

Let's play the themes up. Did you see they chase him down and beat him? Yeah, because they thought they were doing an anti-Jewish bit because you go, why is that your mask got? We'll have to look at five-ish in a little bit. I'm a big fan of five-ish. Yeah, it's cool. It's cash.

But there's no kid part to it. I mean, they're owning it. That's what's good. Where's the biggest, though? You need to have a bunch of kids like Epstein. It's the universe. Walk over the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe

from sex-changing fats to Buicks for Brats. By the Smelly & I'm your host of MacSam. Joining me is always as Vito Jus Weldee. What's up here? And I'm up here. Can you do some jumping jacks to get that camera going? I don't have it on the odds.

Do the jumping part too, not just the jack. I know you could do that. I can't jump in a chair. I mean, in a chair. Get out of the chair. What do I'm going to do? I'm not getting out of the chair. Move around.

Let's see the camera at work, man. Man, come on. The whole fucking thing. Let's put this camera through its pacey. I just want to get the Chinese beauty retouch filters working. This is what all the Chinese... We all want those to start working. Get them fucking working, man.

You need a new CPU. I can add makeup in live... I have dreamlike makeup. I have ambiance makeup, grapefruit makeup. Yeah, grapefruit makeup. It's blackface. I got to figure out why it's not working because it's driving me nuts. If I could auto blackface with my Chinese camera, I'd be a happy boy.

that would be great. Are you going to figure it out or what? Figure it out. If I figure it out, what if it could auto make you into Scott Adams? I'm going to send you one of these cameras. Well, then I'll buy two. It's a good camera. Okay, last week it was Cars for Kids was the number one.

Number one problem? 1877, Cars for Kids. It's not enough to California Bandit. We've got to ban it in the whole universe. We've got to ban it on Earth. We've got to ban it in the country, Earth, and the entire universe. Hey, quote with the anti-Semitic remarks. my friend.

You can't be saying you're doing something for kids and then just pocket the money, like Eric July. I mean, they're putting in Jewish kids' pockets. Jewish kids got pockets, too. Well, they got a, their pockets are full. I know they are. They've got enough. They're full of, uh, 1-877 cars for Jewish kids or something else. 1877, uh, junkers for Jews.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Junkers for Jews. One, eight, seven, seven, junkers for Jews. Today.

That's better. You've got to be honest. Well, you can't do cars for kikes, right? That's a little too much. I said you can't say it. What? 1877. All right.

Well, that's the show, folks. Thanks for coming by. The biggest problem. Oh, wait. He's at. Where is? No, we're good. Everything's good.

We're good. Everything's fine. 1-877 doodoo. Shut. Up, up, right, hold on.

How do I get the beauty filters on here? You might just actually be, is he there, buddy?

You there big guy? Whoa, my internet's back working. We're just a bunch of fun comedians doing fun

bits. Hoo. Ooh. I just got here today. Yeah, I know. We got a new episode.

So anyway, the problems that won for last week was trans fats. You did that one? You reheated that old

Trans fats. Fuck! That's so good. Who wrote that in? Everyone said trans fats. How did I miss that? That's fucking genius. Trio Doug did.

Employee of the month. My problem is trans fats? Fuck. Trio Dig really is. If Trio Doug came up with that, he really is employee of the month. That's fucking incredible. Sloppy painters. It was right in front of me.

Spellers with the quotes and political doorknackers. There you go. political do or not. Have you voted for Spencer Pratt yet? Can I vote? Do I gotta like mail it in? It's LA. Anyone can vote, man. You, the cats, when's the, when is the election? When is the election? You gotta get your shit in before the second. And then they're gonna spend about, uh, it takes them about six, six weeks to count them.

Uh, and then we'll know. Well, I did the one vote that truly matters, which is betting on Spencer Pratt to win on Calci. So let's see that's turning out so far. Yeah, that's the same as voting, right? pretty good. That's legally, that's legally binding. It should be. It's on the blockchain. It's on the blockchain. Dude, I was up like 50 bucks, but now it's back to even odds. This is bullshit. How is it even odds

on this guy? On Spencer Pratt? I've lost $2.50. That doesn't make any sense. I locked in early on this guy. I should be up. When did you lock in? Like, right the day when everybody was going, hey, did you know there's going to be a white guy you can vote for? I went, oh shit. That puts him at 50% odds right there.

Let's go. There's a white guy versus two, I don't know. Like it looks like an old black lady who is black. Yeah. And then a Hispanic lady who's Indian. Yeah. Great. Is the other one Hispanic or Indian or what?

I don't know. Is she Creole? I mean, liberals are just so bad at this. It's like, Spencer Pratt, you know, the black, the Indian lady went, Well, you know, because of global warming, we might need to have you guys stop barbecuing. And the black lady goes, oh, well, the city was burning. I was in Ghana dancing. And the white guy goes, everything's on fire and everyone's doing meth.

And I go, man, out of those three things, like one of them I clearly identify with. I don't know. How does this guy now? The black Mexican lady said that they need to get priority number one. We got to get these homeless guys some new teeth. Yeah. We got to. That's the real problem.

The reason the homeless aren't getting jobs is that we're not buying them fucking teeth. They busted all their teeth trying to strip the aluminum out of the streetlights. All the copper out of the streetlights. They busted their teeth of them. They were pulling the copper out with their mouths. We know this. We've seen this. We've got to get them some new teeth so they can get back to work, chomping up like the langiliers, chomping up the streets.

You go into any building in L.A. There'll be one homeless guy chewing his way through the walls. They love it. They love eating the drywall. It's because they got the... that corpherophagia thing or whatever it is. They love eating drywall. The homeless do.

I mean, what Spencer Pratt really established to me is I think any mid-tier stand-up comedian could become mayor of pretty much any city in America. Because you just put that guy on stage, you just put one semi-funny white guy on stage with these women. And then you go, blow up. What do you think about this? What do you think about this ordinance? to ban homeless encampments in front of schools.

And that Indian lady goes, well, you know, I did vote against that. Oh, sir, I did not have voted against the homeless. Dude, if you watch the clip, he just goes, she wants your kids to get raped by the homeless. Why would you vote for that? And I'm like, that's it. He doesn't even need a policy. He just needs to be, you know, fucking, what's his name?

Normal. What's, yeah, any, any, what's the guy, the preacher, comedian who screamed all the time and then Sam Kinnison. Sam Kinnison would be president if he was still alive. I firmly believe that. Yeah. What are we doing here?

Okay. It's a me. Yoshio says when big black train is the first thing that comes to Vito's mind, you know what's up. I don't know what's up, but I don't remember that. Wonderboy, I miss when the only internet drama on the biggest problem was a one-sided vendetta against Mark Maren. Sorry Wonderboy, but thanks for sticking around.

Zeolosius. Vito, had good problems this episode. Super Killer is still not out. Hmm. I don't know why that was necessary. The first part. The Atticus Finch says... Sorry, I'm adjusting my beauty temperature.

That's a little orange. Have you seen Helen of Detroit in Nolan's new movie? Nolan is a friend of his, I guess? Oh, no. Christopher Nolan's... Is that how you referred to directors? It's like you're on the same bowling team?

You've seen that new Nolan pick? from Nolan. Yeah. I think, you know, what's his name? What's that beautiful male actor who's inspiring me every day? Elliot Page. Oh, Elliot Page, yeah. Elliot Page is apparently playing Achilles.

No, that's real? Well, I mean, she's got to, he has to play some sort of great Greek warrior, right? I hope so. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Has to play Greek warrior. What do you mean? Elliot Page is in this movie? Elliot Page is, yeah, because Elliot Page, let's be real.

He plays a eunuch, right? Like when Odysseus comes back and somebody comes out and goes, look, I got no cock or balls. I'm a eunuch that works here. That's Elliot Page. No, I think Elliot Page is going to be like jack the fuck up and have like a cool sword and be like, hey, I just got done killing all these Romans and are they the Rome? I never read the fucking. They're the Romans, right?

The Greeks. Who did the Greeks fight? Everybody. The fucking Persians or something? Troy? Is that what they're coming back from? They did fight Persians, but not in this tale. They're coming back from fighting the Trojans in the movie.

Yeah. In the book. Yeah. In the movie. So she's going to be a narration. I don't know if I'd call it a book, but story. Yeah, sure. All right, all right.

But whatever. The point is Elliot's going to come out looking fucking swole. He's going to be taking a bunch of fucking. And that's hell of Troy. role. Jacked up. No, no. Helen of Troy's, the black lady is going to be black.

I'm saying Elliot Page is going to be Achilles, the fucking great warrior. I thought the black lady was playing Jesus Christ. Did you guys see me out there? Yeah, well, Jesus shows up. I just want Elliot, dude, I want to see Elliot Page be forced to act like the ultimate man. Yeah, jack the fuck up, fucking, like, scratching her, his balls. Yeah. Man, we showed those fucking Trojans, dude.

We fucking. And flop his death. Man, we fucking, we kicked some ass out there, man. Yeah. Homer wrote it. Homer's not, you man, I have not read The Odyssey in a million fucking years. But, yeah. Who's the main guy in the Odyssey?

What's the main guy? His name's J.R. J.R. Yeah. And they're all trying to figure out who shot him. No, not that J.R. The different J.R. That was the best part of the Odyssey. They're like, who shot this fucking guy?

They can never, they're just all trying to figure. out. The Cyclops is the main guy. The Cyclops is the main guy. Rebuild his house. That's awesome. And they keep, these guys keep messing with him and burglarizing him. God, I haven't read the Odyssey in what, 20, 25 years?

Have you read it? I don't remember any of it. Can you prove that you read it? Honestly, I think I probably skimmed it for a book report and that I went. No. You haven't read it. I think I remember the Simpsons version of it. There's been like, you know.

We're kidding more honest. The Simpsons did it. The Simpsons did it at one point. And I remember watching The movie. I remember going, I have seen No Brother Where Art thou? Okay. I know that. You kind of got it then.

Yeah. I forgot all the parallels. So you're going to see Nolan's Odyssey? Oh, hell yeah. You can see that. Okay. Again, I'm actually, I wish Elliot Page. I didn't know that Elliot Page was in it.

Well, the reason Elliot Page is in it is because, you know, when these directs work with the same guys. It's their thing, right? So remember he made Inception back when she was just following Leo around and going, what are you doing? You're going into dreams? What are you going into dreams? And now she's going to go, oh, yeah, let's fucking do it.

I'm going into your dream, faggot. Let's go. I think it's going to be good. Stop doing that. YouTube doesn't care anymore. Nobody cares anymore. Anyway. Uh, so yeah, we got a lot of good stuff.

We got a lot of good stuff. We got the Jews. We got the F slurs. Feef, all right. My internet was out. Yeah, I can't believe it. Um, night of the funny junk, I 100% would agree with Dick about hating the homeless. They're the second biggest issue in my city and in my state next to the housing shortages.

Yeah. I wish we could just get rid of them. Uh, a serious man. Is it any surprise to anyone that Dick is a fan of butt sugar? Who isn't a fan of but sugar? What is butt sugar? What is that? It's what everyone calls butter with a little bit of sugar on it.

They put the words together. NECROC is, oh, Vito is coping. If he went to Chrissy Mayer's comedy show when he was invited, he would be in this drama too. Why would that be to my benefit in any way? How would that help me at all? Is that how you decide what to do? This whole, this whole guys, the hitch your wagon to a, rising star thing.

It only works when the star is rising. You can't keep going, you know, you could be riding that Chrissy Merritt. You could have been at the content hotel. You know, you're missing out of all these big time at the content hotel. I heard, I saw a tweet from somebody who was at the content hotel saying she was going to spill all about Chrissy Mary. Like, Chrissy Mary's assistant or something. And I don't know what happened there. Oh, man.

I can't wait. So I'm looking forward to finding out. I remember. Wait for that. I like how the quarrying pissed everyone off and then left the internet so all of his team girl squad gets all the hits that are meant for him. Like, all right,

fuck you. I'm out of a Chad move. That's kind of like a pretty Chad move. I'm out. Fuck you guys. I'm just going to, I think he's still making those dog shit about God. I think he's still making those dog shit shorts though where he just goes, oh, this is crazy.

Check this out. Like he hasn't stopped putting those up. on YouTube last week? Yeah, that I told everyone to mass flag, of course. Because they're against the TOS? Was it you that said to flag the quarterings stolen content videos or was someone else? Well, from your interpretation, it was me. Somebody, no, I'm being serious.

Somebody said, go right now and flag the quartering's stolen content videos. But I don't remember who it was. Was it you? Yeah, it was me. I mean, because... It was somebody. Well, I mean, have you seen what his shorts are? Is he still putting this shit up?

He put this up like today. I mean, is Vingray still putting him up? Like, who's putting him up? Not the quartering. The quartering just records 20 different versions of himself going, hey, check this out. Hey, check this out. Hey, check this out. Why is he doing that? Is he making money from?

I mean, honestly, if he's making money from it, yeah, fuck it. I mean, if the system's broken or this stupid point, uh, He just, he makes a short. Here's his newest one. He just uploaded it. So we're going to get flag for this, though. Because it's stolen content. I guarantee you we'll get flag for this.

Well, whatever. Okay, so this is all he does is he makes a short, and he's not, it's not even a short he made. Okay, kids are the purists. Kids are the purists, and this is a great example of it. Check it out. Even the music's stolen. It's still all of its song. It's the end of it.

It's like an entire long video of stolen content. Yeah, it's just a video. Wait, does he show back up at any point? No. No. No, there's one where he's jacking off at the end. There's one where it's like he forgot to turn off the camera and he's jacking, he's cranking his hog. But not in most of them, no.

Look at this. He's looking down at a script. He couldn't even add lib one sentence. He couldn't even add lib one. Listen to this. Every single thing about this video is funny to me and I can't stop. watching it, check it out. Sounds-

He looked back at the script! Yeah, bro. It's- Every single thing about this video is funny to me, check it out, and then he looks back down at the script. He can't even ad-lib that. I've never heard someone more taken with hilarity. Check it out. I'm staying up extra late tonight to see a test train pull into Brighton.

Play it again? What is this? It's an autistic guy that loves trains. Every single thing about this video is funny to me and I can't stop watching it, check it out. And I can't stop watching it and check it out. What a fucking case. Clean delivery. What a clean delivery. Every single thing about this video is funny to me

and I can't stop watching it. Check it out. This is the most heartwarming video I've ever seen. That was my hundredth take of that. I can't believe I finally figured out how to say it. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen and I'm going insane with how funny I think it's how are people watching this dog shit. How a guy who can't even go. Because the algorithm is just pushing it.

It doesn't, all he's doing is stealing content and hoping the algorithm takes it. That's it. It has nothing to do with his presentation. It's the content itself. video. That's why his intro is so short so he can capitalize on the stolen content. I swear to God, that's why I swear that is why I heard someone say

report his fucking content because of that. Every one of these starts with him looking at a script to come up with one set. What? It should be a lot more careful when they pull people over. Check this out. And then he looks back down at the script because he's

recordingly 18 of these in a row. Dude. He's pressing stop. He's pressing stop on the recorder. Yeah, he's pressing Stop because he's recording 8,000 of these. Because he doesn't want to edit it. Editing would take an extra hour a month.

Bro, just, the fact that he can't just come up with something to say about the clip, he needs a fucking script. All right, is this the problem? Stolen content? Stolen YouTube content? I don't know. This is a big... I don't let people forget about it. They got deported. It's just it's crazy. It's crazy what he's doing.

It's crazy what he's doing. Lo says it's crazy. People forget what Vito did. Killed all those... What do you think about that? Killed all those pygmies. Keld all those Africans. Drown the Poor says Vito talking shit about nerd Rotic is rich.

I guess he enjoys that. Somebody left me a comment today on my YouTube. They said, hey, your channel's really cool. Have you ever thought about collaborating with nerd Rotic? And I'm like, ah, yeah, yeah. I have to look into that. Hit them up. Yeah, yeah.

And we can talk about all the stuff. All the stuff. pretty cameras that you got. Yeah, I can't wait. So here, bitch, you can lose you could lose 20 pounds on stream. Honestly, yes, she could use the fucking smoky thing. Let me see, is there a shave

200 pounds off a women button? No, because they assume a Chinese lady's Yeah, it just cuts out. That's what it's doing. Every time you try to kick in the ugly women filter, it just turns off. Like, I don't think so ugly. Sorry,

I'll go. Yeah, there's a button that says de-uglification filter, and then it goes... It just shows you a picture of a treadmill. Classic Chinese joke. There you go. A bunch of stuff here. Lixero says, I can't tell you guys how much I was kicking myself for not watching this show live. And having to listen to Dick, make mistaking Hunter Schaefer for Hunter Avalone for 10 minutes.

Yeah, when you kept saying Hunter Avalon was trans and I showed you a picture of a normal looking guy and you go, yeah, that's a little. Normal looking guy. That's trans. You can't see that. Hunter Schaefer is trans. Hunter Schaefer is trans. He's trans. He's doing drag. He's doing it as a joke.

He's just playing a role on a show. He's not really a woman. That's a man doing drag. Like Eddie Iser. You don't think he's trans, do you? No, I don't believe Eddie is. Just doing that for television. I guess, yeah.

All right. Eddie has said some confusing things. Like what? I don't know what to think. I don't know. Well, because, like, all the guys who did drag when it was funny, I have to pretend that it was like empowering for gays the whole time. I go, no, you were like making fun of women.

We all know that what you're doing. Yeah, so I support my trans sister. Well, they can't say that though. You know, so they got to pretend. No, I was elevating the LGBT community. All right, so I won. Yeah, you won. You get to go first.

I know, I know we love that this is a media-based podcast, but I feel like this is too important not to show. share, Dick. This is what the kids are up to these days. You know, you just want your kids to be hopefully online studying for their math test or whatever else. And instead,

they're doing this. Have you seen this video? Uh, no. So this is that kid. Yeah, it's cool. So this is one of the two kids who went down to San Diego and shot up a mosque for some fucking reason. And, uh, for some reason.

For some reason. Oh, yeah. Their motive is really fucking elusive. What could it have been? Why would two kids? Why would anybody have reason to go shoot up a mosque? Maybe they wrote a manifest though about it. Embarrassing white supremacists, ruining it for the rest of the whites. Look, I like being white.

I think white guys have done a lot of good stuff. Okay? And we can acknowledge that and we can talk about it. Name three. Penicillin, because you love white people. Rocket ships. Okay, okay.

Easy. Two obvious ones. What's a third one since you love white people so much? Trains Okay. So you nailed it. Penicill and rocket chips and trains. And so it's great when you go, hey, white guys have done a lot of cool stuff.

We're not that bad. We're pretty good guys or whatever. And then the white supremacists come along. They kind of fucking up for all of us. Yeah. Ruined it. Ruin the. Well, let's be clear.

Then everybody looks at white people and they go, yeah, but you guys are kind of like fucking little gay twinks who run into a building full of elderly, uh, Islamic people and can only kill three of them. What the fuck? Did they go in while during their prayer? So they're all their heads were down? I think so. So their heads are fucking down.

They're staring at a carpet. How do you only kill three of them? I'm not saying I wanted you to kill more of them. But if you're really out here going, listen guys, white guys, we're the best. We're the best at everything. We need more white stuff. And then you go in and you can't kill more than three elderly people like, like, well, now we're not the master race, obviously.

If we were the master race, you would not be this much of a fuck-up. I think these guys underestimate how hard it is to kill someone. To like, you know, mean them to die and to do something, to shoot them. Well, if you're a little fucking twig-arm anime listening, 4-chan F-sler. I dropped the clip. I dropped the clip. I dropped the clip. Like, it's the most embarrassing shit in the world.

Or they go in there blasting up at the sky like, hey, everybody guess who's come to fucking Home to Roost, Bobby Boucher. Look, obviously, I'm not a white supremacist. I don't, you know, support the white supremacists. You're a gamer supremacists. When the white supremacists show up, there is a part of me that goes, well, I hope at least they look cool if they're going to be representing my team in some way. And then you get all these Patriot front guys showing up looking like a bunch of pudgy fucking larpers.

And I go, no. Now it's not even like convincing people were anything close to the Master Race. We look gay. This looks gay. It is gay. That kid was gay. That kid was doing a gay fucking anime dance. That's a gay dance.

And then that was a gay dance. Okay. Now, look, we used to have white supremacist guys. Let's be real. Timothy McVeigh, one guy, had the cool shaved head, tough guy. Man, tough guy. Going, hey, you got to read your Turner Diaries. You got to find out what's going on at Waco, Ruby Ridge.

He's the kind of guy where I always feel like he's older than me. I don't know why, but I'm probably. way older than him by now, but when I see his picture, I'm like, oh, shit, that guy's older than me. That's my feeling. He was exciting. It was mysterious. Even if you don't agree with his ideology, you look at that guy and you go, okay. I don't even know what his ideology was.

Fertilizer? It was mostly like anti-government. It wasn't necessarily. He was like a fertilizer salesman, right? He was doing like a... No, no. He bought fertilizer and packed it in the van. He wasn't a fertilizer salesman.

Are you sure? To sell? He brought it to the building to sell the government, you know, because they wouldn't let him sell his fertilizer. They were tagging so much. And they set him up. They blew up his van to frame him. It was all a setup. I swear he was a fertilizer salesman. That's why he had all that fertilizer. That's what I read. I don't think he was a, let me see. McVeigh. He's a white supremacist you're saying too? He was a U.S. Army Soldier's Security Guard and gun show vendor. Now those are some white supremacist. Okay, that's some white supremacist. Okay, that's some white

supremacist jobs. It's not, oh, I hang out playing Fortnite all day. And then one day, me and my buddy go, Tee-He-he-he, we hate the Jays. And we're getting- I bet he didn't even have a Discord account, Timothy McVeigh. Dude, we have, uh, it's been a downhill slide for terrorism for you guys, for white terrorism. Um, yeah. And then like, all the other terrorists look cool. When you think of as an Islamic terrorist, you can't deny. You're like, well, I think of Osama bin Laden. Number one. dude robes robes masks fucking it's not a kid with like a fucking mask

he got out of a call of duty play set going oh I'm gonna do a terrorism you're like this sucks you suck I think of be headings yeah I think of like Jedi robes and a heros there you go and hashish

and guns big ass guns that's why the rest of the world thinks they could fuck with us that's why Iran doesn't give a shit we're like we're coming in they go oh well you're gonna send a bunch of fucking dance and teenagers. You guys are fucking pussies. Your best terrorist

couldn't kill three guys and then his last fucking Yeah. And the lasting legacy left behind is the most embarrassing manifesto I've ever read in a video of him Dancing to some anime dog shit. What's the manifest I'm gonna say? It's like talking about it's like the famous

celebrities and stuff. Oh he's talking about Jews Jews Jews Jews Jews. Who did he think was going to be at the mosque? That's the worst part of it, man. All right, are there any Jews in here? Dude. Where are the Jews in this mosque? Uh-oh.

It's 74 pages of how the Jews ruined everything. And then they're like, well, I don't know. I don't want to drive all the way to the synagogue. I'm going to hit this mosque on the way up to the bank. It's the worst thing in the world. Literally, literally 70 pages. Every single page is about Jews. And then for some reason he goes, we're going to go to the mosque, dude.

Dude, we're going to go to the mosque. Huh. Also, unfinished manifesto, what's that about? He's got headings here. Oh, don't start talking about unfinished works, Vito, okay? It's just as hard for them as it is for you, all right? So don't start throwing shade on these guys for not having a finished manifesto. He's got chapter, shut up, he's got chapter headings, Judaism and its practices.

That gets a paragraph. And then after it, he's got a heading that says banking, and then it just says unfinished below it. Well, just take it out at that point. What about? What did you leave? What's next? How do you have Central,

company's central ownership unfinished? How about the media? Why guys can't even finish the manifesto before they go and fuck up a mass shooting? This is the worst.

Man, that's bad. The Incell experience, genetic cursing. I mean, the bio-weapons of the, there's that K-word, I'm not allowed to say on the podcast. No. I mean, he does talk about Islam a little bit,

but, you know, in blacks and N-Were The biolipotry calls it of Israel. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the other thing. It's none of these guys have anything that interesting to say. Wait, there's two of them? Also, there's two of them.

I don't know if they took turns right in this. You're supposed to have an outweigh... Like, you're supposed to take out more of them than they take out of you. By like a lot. That's like the point of sneak attacks, right? All right, here's a... Here's... I love the Q&A section of the manifesto.

He's asking himself his own questions. You go, can I get a TLDR real quick? Mm-hmm. And, okay, here's this, if you want to put it up. Did you do this for fame? No. Why these people in particular, it should be obvious. Are you conservative?

I don't want to put a bunch of bad words up. Let me see if there's any bad words here. Well, I just hear just who he's inspired by and what he's into. There's nothing bad on the screen right now here. Okay. Were you inspired by anyone or anything? Ashley Graves. Do you know any of these names? Russell, Grint Butler.

Ted Kaczynski and Timothy McVeigh, again, you knew of these guys. Elliot Roger, Smosh. Okay, Smosh is good. Tommy K. Nick Flintzes not in here? Nick Flintzes is not here, but Markiplier is, so that's good. Markiplier. Why Dylan Storm Roof? Did you fuck that up? Did you mean Dylan? Who is Roof? Roof. You don't know any interests?

No, who's Ruth? He's good, man. You got to look up Roof. he's funny it's funny in what way he's just got like a whole thing when he sees whenever he sees like uh whenever he sees minorities he just goes like roof

roof like barks at them like a dog oh all right it's funny good stuff funny what are your interests this is important like I always want like a little tiger beat like interview at the end of my manifesto I'm into strategy games anime politics wow Christianity reading can you just put reading

those you got a name like an author or I just like reading. Like, I'll pick up the phone book. I'll read it. I just enjoy the art of the practice. I just enjoy hijacking my facial recognition system to convey information. It's cool. It's a hobby of mine.

This is a pretty good. Military weapons. History. That's all one thing. The white race. Love it. He's interested in the white race. Ten billion years ago.

Love it. Yesterday. Wrestling. 1835. Awesome. True crime. Wrestling. What?

Virtual networks? Oh, he means WWF wrestling. Yeah. And archery, but then he put a comma at the end of it. That should end with a period there. That's the extra Oxford comma. Yeah, well, I don't know, man. You just, I'm not, look, again, I don't want.

Read more of his stuff. What else is he doing? No, the next part is bad because that he says to the Ks and the Fs and the ends. Here's my, uh, let's see here. Can you just read it and bleep it out? Uh, it's not interesting. He just says to the K system, I hope the action, my actions. Yeah, the K system.

I hope my actions and the actions of those before and after me will destroy you. To the F slurs, I sincerely hope you can overcome this mental challenge or else you'll get killed with the rest of them. So I guess gays are having a mental block that was implanted in them by the Jays. Important book. They always mention the Turner Diaries. That book sucks. You ever read that book? No, I hate reading.

Yeah. Well, it was better than The Odyssey. I remember more about the Turner Diaries than the Odyssey. What's the Turner Diaries? Probably pretty bad. The Turner Diaries is like the quint— No, no, no. It's the quintessential white supremacist field novel,

imagining a future America where you and white family? You know, like a little pocket novel that you read to your kids in the bunker to tell them about the America you're trying to protect. There's a term for that. Yeah, it's a field novel. It's a paperback writer by the Beatles was about the Turner Diaries, basically. No, it's not. But it's basically a white family is like in their house.

And then the elected council of N-words comes in and gets to take all their guns for free because of a new law. The government passed. It's about an imagined America where all the, all the my name is. get to take all the white people's guns as part of a new law and then the white people get this dick you're not going to believe it they fight back and they form an organized resistance and there's a and there's a race war they fight back on the people in football right yeah not in real life you've never read the turner diaries no i don't and it's again i don't read it's presented as a as a diary written by this this family uh and they're the turners the white supremacists it's like

the, it's like the communist manifesto for white supremacists. It's like they all got a copy. You know? What does the guy do? Is it like die hard? Does he hide and stuff? It'd like pop out like, let's see. The story is toured in diary entries from Earl Turner, a future historian from 2009. So it's written by a historian like Spider-Man? It's written by a historian in

299 recounting the story of how a hundred years ago the whites took back the country. Oh, so it already happened. Under the Cohen Act, the organization goes on the government confiscates all white civilian firearms under the Cohen Act to take and the organization has to go under round to wage a guerrilla war I don't think they would call it the Cohen Act though well in the book it's called the Cohen Act they call it like the Freedom Act yeah the it's the book is it kind of hit you over the head a little bit okay the the chapter where the black guys come in to take the

guns they don't go well we're here for the guns they go we're here for the guns they go we don't go take yo guns, why man, duh? And you're like, no, no, no, no. Eventually the organization seizes the nuclear weapons at Vanderborg Air Force based and targets missiles in New York City and Tel Aviv. So they take out

both Jewish centers. And the organization ethnically cleanses California of non-whites by forcing them into the eastern United States, which is still controlled by the system. Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of African Americans are forced into the desert to cause an economic crisis and all Jews. This is terrible.

So, yeah, that's the Turner Diaries. Where is this for sale? Like 2099. I actually remember I went into the like Army Navy store back when I lived in Western Massachusetts and they had like a rack full of these. So that's where you buy this shit. How many copies of this do these guys buy? Dude, you see them, man. It's, again, from 1978 first publication date.

And I think now they just let you. You can just print it if you want. I don't think they stop you. Man, so that's what white supremacists are doing, reading books. Jesus Christ. They're reading books. They're reading the Turner Diaries. That darn Cohen act really struck us whites.

Darn you, Cohen. President Cohen. Can't believe you never read the Turner Diaries. Why would I read this shit? It's the quintessential piece of what? white supremacist literature of like all the things. It's like that. Why would I read a quintessential piece of white supremacist

literature? No, she want to know what's going on. Look at all the stuff that's going on. Okay, it all comes back to stuff like this. You got to know. What stuff that's going on? Okay, the reason that kid is dancing and blowing and shooting up masks is because you read a stupid fucking book

about a future... No, it's because no girls will pay attention. It's women's fault. If women weren't locked into their phones, if they would just be nice, have normal conversations, and just stop eating for a little bit, none of these mass shootings would happen. They don't have to have sex with these kids, but they got to say, like, hey, how's it going? If women are going to keep closing themselves off and driving these guys insane, then the mass shootings, we'll just keep happening. There's nothing

we can do about it. Reading books isn't going to start it or stop it. It's women's fault. We need sex robots, and we need to stop fighting it. That will absolutely solve it. You get, okay, let me put it this way. If I went to that kid and I said, hey, I can make you a little fucking sex robot. She looks like a perfect white European princess or whatever the fuck you want. He doesn't want a big one. He's a little twink boy. He wants a little twink girlfriend to dance with.

They all want to dance. And then he can fuck his fucking sex bot. And he doesn't have to, you know, blow. He wants to do an embarrassing, an embarrassing, an embarrassing mass shooting. All right. Is that your problem? Yeah. No, that's my problem.

Okay. Great problem. I'm going to write a companion piece of the Turner Diaries where the blacks win, and it's the best. Like the mighty ducks, too. Yeah. Just like the mighty ducks too. What was your problem called? White supremac.

Embarrassing white supremacists. Embarrassing white supremacists. Okay. Yeah, can we get some good ones? Okay, here's mine. Did you see that the boys show ended? I did see it that it ended, yes It's perfect timing for you

To come out with your comic now That there's not a Oh good Competing Now there's no competing No competing superhero media No competing satire Over the space

There's no satire of superheroes Except for that was the only one Yeah And in the end of the show The Homelander guy The guy that's like evil Superman Like your guy and your comic That's a lot of

Evil Superman's, yeah. He loses his powers. And then when he's going to get killed, he says to the main guy that he doesn't want to get killed, that he'll suck his dick and eat a shit from his ass. He said that on television. That was the ending of this five-year show that's supposed to be like a satire, that I'll eat poop and that I'll suck your dick. I'll eat your shit.

I'll suck your dick and I'll eat your shit. he offers to the guy. Yeah, that was like the nihilist Superman's. Like, uh, that's what, that's how he chose. That's how they chose to, to make him go out in the show. It's not the, it's not the best, uh, it's not the best writing, I'd say. So I, I only saw, I didn't watch that shit. Um, I watched the first season.

I'm like, awesome. This show's awesome. That evil Superman's awesome. But now they're gonna fuck with it and fuck it up. I don't need to see that. Well, they never explained what weird virus was making all of the main characters drastically change appearance. It's like a weird, unexplained plot point where

the blonde woman's face is melting and the black guy says in weighs half as much as he did last season. Oh, he lost weight? Did I miss it? I go, is there a season where they all got cancer or something? Yeah, Mother's Milk, who you might remember, famously went from a giant Yeah, he's from the poison.

He went from a giant, jacked black guy to like a skinny cancer looking black guy. Like, I'm Mother's milking, I'm still tough. And fucking, what's her name? Annie's face melted, the blonde girl. Remember Mersh said it on Twitter and then everyone yelled at him? She said she had a problem, though, that that's why she looked like that.

Yeah, she said you had a medical problem. So here's what the guy, here's what the guy who wrote the ending said about it. It was important for us. It was important to us for Homelanders. Wait, you have to do it in his voice. It was important for us to do it. For Homelander. To at least experience a little bit time of powerlessness.

people have asked me well why don't you send them out into the world powerless wouldn't that be the ultimate punishment I'm like it would until he gets his hands on some more compound V and then you're back to where you started so he can't walk out of the room but we can spend time with him powerless to really reveal what everyone's been saying all along which is take away those powers and you're on nothing and now here we go he says and and he's so cowardly in classic Hollywood director voice there and blubbering and pathetic he's so cowardly and blubbered blubbering and pathetic, as are most strong men when you remove their power and they're faced with their imminent death. They rarely handle it bravely. That's what this guy, the director of this show about superheroes

said. That strong men... I don't think that's a very profound point at all. I don't think there's anything profound about that. It's liberal wish fulfillment. That's my problem. Liberal wishfulfielment. Hey, Dick, did you know when you're about to die? You might be like a little kind of spooked by it, even if you were a big strong guy in life. Well, I don't think that's, I don't, first of all, I don't think this guy's seen like so much death that he can comment on it. I don't think like a Hollywood TV, I don't have a TV writer guy. Sure, let's go with that.

Well, but his people, I mean, he comes from, you know, they know death. Yeah, you think so? They know about big, as they so often do. Like he's talking So often, dude They're always talking about it You know He's talking about like

Like he's on the In the wild west And people are just dropping dead Or he's in the medieval times But there's no one like Dropping There's not death happening all the time It's like a kind of a couple times

It happens in your life You're around it And that's it I guess I don't know So this idea that like Bullies are Or whatever he thinks

This child abuse victim Superman Whatever he's Like his dad I don't know Whatever he's thinking This guy is Is that he wants to happen

He just wants a guy like this To be blubbering and breaking down And talking about sucking his cock Because he thinks he's gonna die Is Not is a big Is a big problem Liberal

Well it's not It's not terribly profound I mean look I'll say that The shot of him losing his powers was, you know, I'm like, okay, that's, that's interesting. He tries to fly away and he can't get away. But then when he immediately goes to like-

Banana peel right then. They should have had a- They should have had a banana peel there. Whoa! And then fell into a cream pie on his butt. Okay, I'll say this. One of the good things, though, is that, you know, they didn't have to have the Asian lady or the strong female lead kill him. You know, he did get killed by another white guy. And well, at least we got one of those.

we didn't have to add a racial angle to it or something. Apparently, originally, they were going to have the kids from that spin-off show where they're all in college come in and go, we're going to take you out, Homelander. And then somebody took them aside and they said, nobody watched that fucking show. Don't put those fucking kids in the finale. He's like, all right, all right. Here's a list of the...

Endings, endings are usually anti-climactic. I mean, what do you do? Well, because liberals are doing it. Here's conservatives wish fulfillment. Die hard. one and three awesome awesome endings uh gremlins gremlins one and gremlins two conservative wish fulfillment i'm just going to come here and uh defend uh my friends and family against uh unknown foe powerful foe and overcome that's conservative wish fulfillment awesome and funny gremlins too

funnier they all work together to take out homelander pornography conservative wish fulfillment none of this weird shit here's a here's a list of these powerful men he's talking about beg for their lives, right? This is, uh... Yeah. For the sake of the one who is still to come. That was his last words before he was, uh, before he died. Do you know who that was?

That was the guy from the Turner dies. It was Hitler. Oh, sorry. Shouldn't have stepped on that. There's no God but Allah and Muhammad is his prophet. Saddam Hussein. That was, uh... That was his last words?

Yeah. Aim at my heart. That was Mussolini. I watched that video. All I heard was, Ah! Yeah. Honestly, you know what?

A public execution of Homelander, now that would have been pretty good. That's what it was. But then he's talking about second dick and eating shit. God, you guys can't keep your issues out of this shit. My conscience is clear. I came to carry out the struggle not to kill people to say that millions died. It's too much.

Pol Pot. Stay together. Don't let anyone divide you. That was EDIM. What are the girls? great endings of villains, though. Remembering Schindler's list where they hang that guy? That was cool. Who? Shindler? Do they hang Shindler? No, not Schindler. No, they hang on Aiman Goats. The Nazi camp leader guy. Oh, what did he say? Does he talk about sucking cock and stuff too?

He's got, he's, no, he's getting up, he's getting up on the fucking gallows or whatever. Yeah. And they're like, any last words, he just goes, hail Hitler. And they fucking, they kick the shit. And you're like, that's a pretty good like. I can't even remend. I can't even. I can't. I can't even imagine, like, how you're writing a character like this and thinking like, oh, yeah, well, you know, this nihilist freak will definitely melt down and beg to continue the hell that is his prison. He was, well, his character was always, like, weirdly pathetic, but in the way, you could have made him pathetic in a much more interesting way than, I'll suck your dick, bro. I'll suck your dick, bro.

Now, here's an interesting one. I was able to find one powerful man that was pathetic at the end of his life this was his last quote. I don't want to die. Please don't let me die. And guess who that was? That was

Hugo Chavez, a socialist. And a rapist, right? A rapist, probably, yeah. No, you're thinking of Caesar Chavez. That's one of your guys. Sears Chavez. Which one's Hugo Chavez? He was the

Socials is look the sick. The theater of Venezuela. Well, he did okay in Venezuela for a little bit, but... Yeah. Did you see that movie? Fuck, what was it? Civil War? Yeah, I did.

Liberal wish for film. That was not terrible. Well, I don't know. I don't know if it's liberal. Reporters are, like, reporters are the real heroes? That was, that movie sucked because... That's not what the movie was about. The movie was not...

It was about journalists. They're the real torchbearers of freedom, because they survived all this. You watch the movie, you always do that shit. You always do that shit where I'm like, that's not what the movie's about. They wouldn't even say whose side was whose. Like, give me a fucking break. This is what we want to see. The fantasy of a big fucking civil war where you can finally kill everybody that doesn't,

on Facebook. Kill everybody on Facebook. That's what this movie is. The movie's, uh, biggest stumble was when it's like the big civil war thing. And they're like storming the White House. And one of the soldiers runs out and it's like a black lady. And I go, that's not. So then I was like, okay, so that was, they were the liberals.

Okay, so these guys were the liberals a whole time. All right. But they weren't, she could be a conservative black lady. We don't know. They didn't say specifically, but it was like. That's what you think of the whole movie? Like, well, which side of my line? Which side of my eyes?

Which side of my on? The movie wants me to be on the side of the photographer, but I'm not because I'm not, you know, I'm not a journalist because I'm not a pedophile. So I don't know who to identify with in this movie. Which side was the whole movie. The journalist kept going. I can't wait until we can get back to our country. normal and taking naked pictures of kids again.

Yeah. All the journalists. They say, man, thankfully my buddy Epstein got away to his island before the Civil War broke out. Epstein didn't even bet for his life. No more fun. Gone. I thought it was, but again, you had the president. I'm not going to spoil it, but I thought the way the ending was good.

Why would you not spoil it? I don't want to spoil the movie. I don't want to spoil the movie. Oh, the Civil War one? The Baby Yoda shows up. Baby Yoda. Yeah, Civil War. I don't want to spoil civil war

God, what happened in that movie? Baby Yoda shows up and he goes, go, go, go, go, go. And then the Mando goes, This is the way. Well, you shut up and not fucking spoil the fucking movie. I'm trying to spoil the fucking movie. It's like 15 years old, and it sucked. Who's the hell is going to watch it? It's like four years old.

Jesus Christ. That movie was stupid. Eh, it wasn't that bad. I thought it was good. Okay, well, that's my problem. Liberal wish fulfillment. So you're saying it would have been better. Rewnden another great movie.

It ruined the Joker. They had to rape Joker. They had to rape Homelander. They had to rape Luke Skywalker. Liberals. Yeah. There you go. They should have sent him to jail.

Homelander? Yeah. Yeah. Super jail. Do you ever, I forget what I watched. It was like one of the movies about the... Do you watch Supergel? Yeah, I hated that show.

Ha! What? why? You like Super Jail? That's probably one of the best shows ever made. Wow, I'm going to spoil Super Jail for you right now. Go for it. I would love to hear more about Super Jail.

Yeah. What do you call it? The guy who made a Super Jail is like the most anti-Trump guy ever. And he's been making a comic about the Super Jail guys trying to destroy Trump. Real quick, if you want to put this on the screen, here it is. Here's the warden of Super Jail going. Has America lost its mind? That's awesome. We are witnessing a perversion of government and a perversion of incarceration.

See, there you go. Orange Satan is out of control. His ICE stopo has detained a record. 73,000 people. Over half has no criminal records. The fondling father promised to release the Epstein file. So, canonically, the super jail people hate Trump. He says, nothing is the lady for Superjail. Let me handle it. Nothing gets me hotter than pounding a proud boy. Yeah. So this is the Super Jail. This is what you... What's the fuck was the... Wait, what are those guys saying?

I miss those guys. The twins. They're saying we could dispatch combaticus to the Orange King's beautiful ballroom and turn it into a beautiful brawl room. That's great. So, yeah, they're all going to work together to... Jared, yeah. I'll begin drafting a comprehensive threat assessment plan mapping ICE operations,

Epstein file reductions in Greenland Military Buildings. failed up. You do good impressions of all these guys. No, Jared, we need boots on the ground. Well, that's the only one who's a voice I remember. I don't know why his, I can't remember what the Super Jail warden sounded like. I do do a pretty good Jared, surprisingly. Jared, he sounded like kind of bored of everything.

Jared. No, Jared, we need boots on the ground. Oh, but sir, I can't infiltrate ice. I'm just to go. All right, anyway, there's no more. I think he made a bunch of this. Yeah, it's great. It's fantastic.

All the Supergeral fans are going nuts. Everybody overswings at Trump. I don't care anyway anymore. Trump betrayed us. All right. I got a bunch of different problems here, but I'll just do this one. Dick, my problem is, right now there's a lot of people in America who just want to make a beautiful family. And there's people who are trying to stop them.

Those people are surrogacy haters. and frankly these people need to be stopped right now in Florida DeSantis's signed legislation which cracks down on Florida Floridians surrogacy contracts are citizen of China, Russia

Iran, North Korea Venezuela and Syria all the best places to make a baby yeah okay obviously if you want to make a baby why would you not want a Chinese baby it's going to be smart it's going to be good at math why would you not want surrogate though it's not making a baby with them

well but you get their traits you steal some of their Chinese knowledge wait what the Chinese lady has to make the baby for you if you just get a certain from China yeah and then the kid comes out part Chinese oh okay you're talking about gay guys or like anybody anybody anybody anybody can do this a lot of gay guys are doing it but also infertile couples and even some single couples so that you're talking about

Impregnating the woman. You're impregnating a lady. You're not putting an embryo in her money. Yeah, no, no. You're using her eggs. Using her eggs. I'm pretty sure. Ugh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're using her eggs to make your special Chinese, Iranian, North Korean baby.

Recent news reports have covered cases. Let's be real. America is backwards on this. Everybody's going nuts. They're going, oh, we can't let gays make a baby. They're going to rape it. Meanwhile, China. Yeah, I mean, that is what they're saying. Chinese nationals right now are going nuts with surrogacy.

So all these rich Chinese guys have realized I can just make like a hundred kids and they're literally doing it. They're going out. And send them to America. And send them to America to fucking buy up all the real estate and establish little shell companies. This is genius what they're doing. We should be taking advantage of this. How? Well, we got to get behind surrogates.

we got to say this is the best possible thing that's ever happened for men in this country and we need to stop pretending otherwise. Why is it the best possible thing for men? Well, let's be real. Okay. You're a man. You want a child. What are your options? To lock yourself in servitude to a creature, which is obviously mentally inferior and insane. And at any point is going to snap and take half your stuff. That was your only option. Okay? And before, it used to be you could make the kid and you could run away. But then the fucking courts got involved.

Yeah, not as effectively. They chase you down, they garnish your wages, whatever else. Okay? Used to be you could just travel the country. You could be a traveling tramp with a rucksack on your back and pregating half the... Johnny Appleseed famously. They always bring up the apple trees. They never talk about the hundreds of American women.

He was plowing on his way across the country. Okay? the apple seeds are one of America's most powerful families, like the Rockefellers. And all these conservatives go, well, the reason you can't have surrogacy is that these kids need a mom.

Dick, why do kids need a mom? For what reason? What is the, what is the benefit of mothers? Do you really need a lady raped and beaten? Probably. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're really doing that. I've never, all these women are fucking saints and they're all

making sure they don't spend all their time going to the kid going, hey, listen, I'm going to drop you off at your dad's. Remember, he's a bad guy and I'm the good parent. So don't have too much fun over at his fucking divorce apartment. Okay. Do kids really benefit? I get it. Okay, the bonding and the milk and the whatever, the skin on skin contact. But don't you think a kid who doesn't have to spend 18 years with a nagging bitch is probably going to be just as fucking good of a kid? I thought you're talking about for infertile couples, though. You just mean gay surrogacy. Men. Well, gay surrogacy's the, you know, the better version of it.

Because then the kids got two gay dads, which is fun. Surrogacy, though. That should be outlawed, 100%. Two women raising a kid, not okay. Two men raising a kid. I mean, you saw the video, did you see the thing that all the, all the conservatives are sending around where the guy's going, you don't have a mom and the kid starts crying? Oh, that was horrible, man.

Those guys got to be in prison. For what? That guy, that kid has two rich gay dads. You know, both those dads are rich. Oh, wow. That one of those, one of those kids' dads is like a Grammy award-winning producer. Okay. Oh, man.

Even if that kid does get molested, he's going to live a great fucking life on the back of all that fucking Hollywood money. All right. We've taken women out of the equation. You can just get a kid. Who's we? Science. Oh. Technology.

The future. and you don't have to You have to roll the dice. You spend a lot of time thinking about making kids for weird reasons. You make kids for the best reasons

to work the farm. Why do you think you make a kid? Your invincible thing was like... I want to make kids. I want to make kids for the oldest reason you made kids in the book. Someone's got to plow the field. It's an accident. And you're getting older. You make kids because you had sex. that's why. No, no, no, no. Well, yeah, that's part of it too. It just happens. No, but back in the day when your wife got pregnant, you said good, another fucking pair of hands for harvest. I think that's just something you said. Or maybe we think they said, but it's just pretty much having sex. Well, that's what happens eventually, even if you're trying not to. Look, you had a million kids and then your farm, if the other farm started getting up, but he didn't try to take over part of your farm. It's not like a resource management thing. Like they weren't having kids. It is literally playing.

Civilization. You're playing Starcraft. Whoever gets the most fuffet gonzirgs on the field before we reach critical resource production is going to have the best time. Did you spend a lot of time arguing about this on Twitter because of that video? No, I just kept making fun of the, well, yeah, I guess I don't know if arguing is the point. I just kept saying that kid looks fine. He's going to be great. You were posting on Twitter a lot? I was posting on Twitter a lot. Why does that video speak to you so much? Of like, uh... It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't speak to me.

Crying babies, obviously, I mean, he is crying there for a specific reason. It doesn't seem like a great way to be a baby. All right. You're a happy new father. Everything's great. It's all working out for you, okay? I know

all the sad sack fathers who, when I talk to him, they go, yeah, my crazy bitch of an ex-wife takes all my money and she's an abusive whore. And they go, I love my kids. So you want these guys to have. have a kid with a with a surrogate?

They love their kids. They love their kids. They're like, I'm so glad I have my kids and I wouldn't give them back for anything. I mean, honestly, they kind of don't.

If they couldn't make their marriage work. I don't think it's their fault for not making the marriage work. I know that nobody wants to say that, but yeah. No. You didn't really love your kids

to just eat shit, did you? No, you had to be, you had to have pleasure too. No, these guys do eat shit. They eat shit forever. The story always goes, I eat shit for 18 years and then she met a fucking yoga instructor.

Why did you have a kid with her then? Deal with it. Well, there you go. Why'd you have a kid with her? Everyone else has to deal with this, so you deal with it too. You could have made a kid with a Chinese lady. You never got to see her again. She probably doesn't even speak English.

And then you get a little Chinese baby. And then you're raising a kid by yourself. Okay, have fun with that. Do you drop it off a daycare at 6 in the morning and pick it up at 8 when it's asleep? The point I'm saying is my next go fund me is going to be veto surrogacy fund. Guys, I don't know if I want to you. I think I want a Ukrainian baby. I think I'm going to get a Ukrainian lady to make a baby.

No, I want an Asian baby. You're going to get an Asian lady no matter where you buy it. Yeah, that's probably. No, you can get the Ukrainian girls. They got Asians and Ukraine. Don't worry about that. They'll tell you which one you're going to get. You can ask for the non-Asians.

Yeah, Ukrainians are famous for being on the up and up. I'm sure you'll get exactly what you see on the website. After Super Killer fulfills, my next crowdfunded campaign will be to not. to knock up a Ukrainian lady I think it's about $50,000 obviously the audience is behind this imagine the TikToks and Star Wars videos I could be making with this kid

it's going to be good content for everybody you know I want to know what happened with this gay couple baby that you're that set you off what is it about that? What do you mean what happened with it? What is it about the reaction to people's disgust at that? Because the disgust was silly, it was silly. The kid was

all happy and smiling. The kid doesn't understand words. Okay? The kid goes, what do you think you're losing? You know why? If gay guys were not allowed to buy babies from poor women, why do you lose? What do you lose that you're so threatened

by? A little thing I call freedom. Geez, why don't you just use the Cohen Act to take all my guns away, daddy government? Okay. This is America. If I want to pay a foreign lady like 100. It was hilarious. I just because all that happens is

if you're on Twitter and you're talking about a topic, that topic keeps popping up on your feed. So it takes me two seconds to reply with a picture of the smiling baby. It's like a happy baby. It's like nothing. You're not even mad. I can bang out 100 tweets in a minute. It took me a minute to post those. How many minutes?

How many of those minutes though? Like one hour. It was like one hour. You could post 100 tweets in an hour. I'm on Twitter. You know, I make money on Twitter now. I probably made money. You make, you make, like, $100. That's just like, that's something that insane people say to justify their Twitter addiction.

Look at me. I made, I made $300. I made $600 being insane on Twitter. $300 for just dicking around on Twitter's pretty fucking good, man. That's just money for shit I would have done anyway. Yeah. Now the fact that it does pay is great. Look, Creator Studio.

Here, you want to know how much I made on Twitter? How much? all my boys all my boys were uh we're we're posting back and forth we're sharing we're sharing all are is demented all the top twitter guys that now now the now the indians and the chinese who are pretending to be american they're not getting money anymore they're giving it all the Americans all right okay how much did you make all right my last two week period three hundred dollars for posting on Twitter for two weeks two weeks before that so in a month $400. That's $700 for a month of Twitter posting. Do you think it just doesn't make you insane?

You just think you're like immune to it? I'm already insane. What are you retarded? I've been on Twitter for the past eight years. You think it's making me more insane? It's the exact same shit. Yeah, I do. Well, all I know is I made $700 on Twitter for talking about gay babies and why we need more of them. And I ain't stopping. I'm glad you had something to do. $700. That's pretty good. You thought it was going to be like a hundred. I said 300 to 600. Well, I'm above that. That's a, for the amount of time that you're wasting and the amount of, like,

fights you get into, that is a dog shit amount of money. I'm not in fights. There's no fights. I post, I said, if anything, people love me on there. I talk shit about Star Wars and Avatar. I'm getting a lot of, I'm getting a lot of traction on here. That's how I would describe your relationship with Twitter. People are finding the Magic the Gathering podcast.

I'm making magic connections. What kind of mad money you're making off that one, Warren Buffett? That channel's not monetized yet, but it will be monetized as soon as we reach. And then we're making the big bucks. Then we're making the money. Then we're making the money. I got to get to minimum watch hours on YouTube. What if all that Twitter time had been spent on Superkiller?

Well, that is, it is getting spent on Superkiller. That's part of the process. You know, I got to get my brain. I got to get my brain firewall. I got to get my brain firing To reinvest that energy Into the creative process Is that your problem?

My problem is a surrogate shaming But gay men only or everybody? Everybody Okay My problem is dry limes, man You get a Getting yourself a nice drink to unwind On a Thursday or Friday

Cut into that lime You know it's going to be bad already You cut into that lime And it's just like a chalk inside It's like little fingers coming up Green fingers Nothing Nothing in that lime

You squeeze it You could sit there squeezing it for an hour Maybe one drop or two drops come out So you got a shitty You got a shitty lime All the time It happens all the time Well you uh

Where are you getting your limes from To a fucking chalk store The feed and tax store You gotta go to the You gotta go to the Army Navy store They got the best line The best limes. They're hiding them.

I get them down the hill. I pull them right off the tree, fresh off the lime tree. Yeah. Are you ripping off your neighbors? Will you put your dog shit in the wrong bin? Nah, I got a secret lime tree that nobody knows about. You know, you got that nice front yard. You should plant a fucking tree out there.

Then people would take it. Bums would come. Alcoholics would come steal my limes. I got the lines in the back. When your kid's born, you're supposed to plant a tree, and the tree grows alongside the child. You know? Why would I want a little tiny tree? Isn't that one of the old Mexican traditions?

You got to plant an avocado tree or lime tree. You have to plant a piñada. You go, miho, miho. Do you call your kid Miho? Yeah, usually, yeah. Yo, miho, meho. This is your lime tree. It will grow like you to be strong like you, miho. Where did you see this? Speedy Gonzalez's cartoon? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All the classic Mexican movies I'm watching there.

They're always planting those fucking lime trees. And me, oh, the tree will glow to be very tall and powerful. Not a lime tree, though. And if you are tired, if you get sleepy, which you will, you can take a nap in the shade of the lime tree. Not under a lime tree. That's not a good shade tree. It's not a good tree. You don't even fucking know Mexican laziness, man.

You don't even know how to be lazy. What's the best tree to be for the Mexicans to relax under it? Dollar tree. Yeah, that's a good one. I see a lot of them out there. Yeah, I see a lot of Mexicans relaxing under that one. That's the one right next to the Home Depot, right? Yeah, that's right.

They're always under that dollar tree. You know what my lime-related problem is? What? And you've got to talk to your people about this is when I go to a taco restaurant and they got lemons instead of limes. Oh, that's because the limes dried up. It's because the limes dried up. Is that what's going on?

Same thing will happen. You'll get a nice barrio. and you'll pull out your little one, your prison ration of lime, and you'll fucking squeeze the lime thing and not a goddamn thing will come out. I know the lime is a little bit more expensive. Yeah, it's a little more expensive than the lemon, but it's always sad when you've been going to a taco place. You go, this is a good taco place. And one day you show up, they go, we don't have limes no more. We got lemons now.

We got lemons now. We got lemons. It's not as good as the lime. The lime is like a classic flavor. And they're trying to pretend like they didn't, like they don't know that. Like everybody doesn't know. Oh, no, it's still good. It's still good.

And I go, it's not good. You know it's not good. You're fucking around. It's important. I mean, I've had a good taco in a while, though. If there's a watermelon shortage, never heard of it. It doesn't affect me. But every time there's a lime shortage, everybody talks about it.

Because the lime is the glue that holds society together. I wonder if, I wonder what, you know, well, to get like the perspective on each fruit, like for you, for you, I would want to know up the lime. For the watermelon crisis, we need a black. need a black. No, because you're Mexican. I'm saying, if I wanted to know more about what a good or a bad watermelon is, I would go to the black community and they could tell me,

they've got a bad crop. Watermelons, have you seen the price of watermelons? Oh, dude, you're right. They're into pineapple now. Have you seen their pineapples? Yeah, yeah. Have you seen they love the, this is all they're eating now is Kool-Aid pineapple? And you go, guys, I don't think this is, I don't think this is helping your,

this is their new thing. You want to see this? Okay. Have you seen it? Have you seen the Kool-Aid pineapple? No. Oh, okay. This is the new black treat that the black community has invented.

And by invented, I mean, they're buying jars. Can you imagine never getting away from that sound? Like, can you imagine 24 hours a day? Second you wake up, the second you shut your eyes. Well, you know, you get away from it. Well, I guess the black community is not for lack of. of surrogates. They're the one community that figured out how to make as many kids as they want, whatever they want.

But yeah, you want to get away from these bitches. Here's what the black community is enjoying right now. Let's take a look. When I tell y'all, no other punch, no other flavor. Nobody. Why can I fucking turn up the volume? All around around. I don't care. Who's selling in what city?

Is that Monique? Yes, I think it's Monique. Is that Monique? Is that Monique? Okay, go ahead. It's the blue raspberry. That's the blue raspberry. Now, I guess she's the chef.

She's a tang chef. Tangies. Tangies. Tangies. Tangies. Tangies. Tangies. Tangies.

Now, this is high cuisine. This is Ritzy stuff. I'm doing here. Drink it? Oh, wait a minute. What is that? That's a pineapple wedge. So they're buying jars of pineapple wedges.

They're eating it over the rest of the pineapples? No, they're dumped. No, they're dung. dumping Kool-Aid in the container of pineapples. Oh. And they're acting, which must be the sweetest, most sugary garbage I can imagine. And they're all sharing Instagram. They're going, you got to try this Kulei pineapple.

Do the juice. Yeah, due to juice. That's cool. Nobody is drinking it like that. Come out. All right. That's my problem. I can't.

Well, I see it. I get it. Look at how good he's happy. He's a happy boy. You can't just make that. You know, you can't just find that. That takes culinary skill to put together. Dry limes, liberal wish fulfillment.

What were yours? My problems were surrogacy. What did I say? Surrogacy something. Surrogacy says. Hater. Well, yeah, but not haters. I had an alliteration there.

And my other one was embarrassing. embarrassing white supremacists. Embarrassing white supremacists. Okay. Embarrassing white supremacist. You better think of it. You better think of it. They're also making waffles, I saw, the black community.

Go to patreon.com slash, uh, biggest problem. Biggest problem. Dot show to vote on the problems. Let's see what these guys have to say here. Now here, now hold on. This is also what I want for is the, have you seen the galaxy great boneless wings? No, no, I'm not watching any more videos. Herb Beta Pass for two.

This has been the funniest show in weeks. Thanks, Erbeta Pash. Fashionably unemployed for 10. We need a count up timer. Up with the count. Down with the BS. R.I. Delete twin gay boy for 10. How much to get you guys to cover Shubox's court case?

One minute, by the way. Who is Shoebox? I don't know. I see his name, but what is his court case? He pooped standing up. Maybe he was arrested for that. Kick in the can. I don't know, Gay Boy.

Send it in Discord or something. Kicking the can for two. Green was finally revealed in Lantern's trailer two. Oh, green was finally revealed. The color green? Okay. PJ for two. Vito, it's not a miracle camera.

I think it is, though. Boulder for two. Pretty good. It's pretty good. I can now see Vito's hoarding in 360. No scope. There you go. From Boulder.

I'm going to figure out how to get this beauty function working. Harry Murgich. doing your thing. For 279. Vito, why do you want children to play with knives? Because I want my good friend at Pioneer Valley Knife at Cool, pvk.com, to entice you with a variety of cutting materials. Trio Doug for two. You're welcome for the trans fats, Vito.

Thank you, Trio Doug. Trio Doug for five. If the popular Muppet vampire, the count, was stuck on a roof, would you help the countdown? Yes, I would help him. for five. I think they're trying to trick me into saying it I know.

You're not reading it. So I'm not going to I'm not reading it so it's not happening. I do not poop standing up. I don't know why everyone keeps saying that I do. I do not.

Balthor for two. I do not poop a standing up. I will not poop inside a cup. Oh. Bothera for two. I will not do my poopie dance. The Wander's Field Guide for five. Every single thing about this show is funny

and I can't get enough. I think that was a quartering read. The Pope for 10. The reason why Shoebox poops standing up is because he found the game with anime horse girl. No, I'm still here. I'm just, I have to turn that off to make the virtual camera work. He thought that since they are cute and poop standing up, I was laughing at the comment. I can't see what you're doing.

Oh, okay. What are you doing? God damn it. I'm trying to make the virtual camera work. He thought since they're cute and poop standing up, it would make him cute if he did the same. I mean, that makes sense. That tracks. I don't think it's going to work.

Well, maybe it'll work. I don't know. Let us know. Psychonautic, 89 for two. No, I hate reading. Thank you. Ullam Uvlovatovi for five. There's no need to write a follow-up book, Vito. We already live in a hell run by monkeys. I don't know what book you're talking about.

Antoids for five. Vito, you can only use OBS Detect for tracking. It has presets for animals, so with minimal setup, it'll work for snacks. Cat and you pig. Very good, Antoids. Whoahogods for five. Vito's not only surrogacy haters is a terrible problem. I knew it was haters. It's you brought it in 110 episodes ago. Vote it down and vote up fat brain. Thank you for Gahua gods.

Massachusetts man for 20. Great show boys. Thank you. Johnny Rock it for five. Be brave fellows like Homelander. A spider rich, home for two. I wonder if Vito's baby will be fatter than he is. Balder for two. It takes nine months to make a baby. Vito five years is going to take him to make a Is Vito back? Oh no, it's just me. There he is. Okay, I think I got it. I think I got... Hold on, I'm in the beauty mode. I'm just trying it. Let's see. Okay. I can change my eyebrows? I don't think that's doing anything. Let me see.

Big Bones Jones for five. Vito problems. Whatever he's been getting mad at on Twitter this past week. Matching problems. Something that annoyed him earlier in the day. Actually, it was something that someone suggested to me on Twitter when I asked for problems. Big Bone Jones. But thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. Is that your... Tell me which of these is good. I got grapefruit. That's not adding a lot.

Smoky eyes. Smokey eye. You got to take your glasses off. Yeah, but then I can't see it. Well, how the fuck is eye shadow going to affect... I don't know. I'm trying to... Oh, wait, I got eyeliner. Let's try cat eyes. Take your...

There. Do I have cat eyes now? Yeah, you do. But then I can't fucking see anything. Oh, you're really missing out, seeing yourself with fucking mascara. I'm doing elf eyelashes now. Telling how you're staring at the screen, off screen, where it's not working. Did it change the color of my eyes?

Yeah. Nice. Do I look good? Do I look pretty? You look great. Now it's gone. No, no, I can still see it. Yeah, it's got a little bit of something.

Yeah, it's got a little. All right. Is that it? It's just mascara? Just eye makeup? I can add, I can add. I got to adjust all this stuff. Let's see.

I want blue eyes level high. I'm a blue-eyed boy I can do topaz Can you make your eyes big? Like a big as a I don't think it does that Let's try what is this This is eyelash I want Barbie eyelashes

And I'm gonna jack them up What kind of stupid filters is this? There you go Now this is pretty good All right eyeliner Give me cat eyes Hello Dick Oh hello

And let's try the smoky eye Oh no dream light Put all of them on at once I'm trying I'm trying This isn't funny at all though. It's just eye makeup. Well, yeah, because it's for fucking Asian women.

Okay, I can get lipstick. Let's see. Ooh, now I'm a pretty girl. Let's get a little blush going here. This is great. This is the future. I'm trying, man. Okay, contouring.

We like contouring, right? Let's turn the contouring up to. This is no contouring. And we're going to go all the way up. What is 3D contouring? This is pretty good. This is pretty... I think I did?

I don't know. I don't think it helps. There's not... Let's see. Let's try the... Oh, okay. Here we go. I can...

Oh, it's shrunk your face! Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now I can be... Now I can ozimic myself a little bit. That's the maximum, but I'm going to go for a V shape here. Do it up 200%. Hey, Dick. How you been?

Wait, click it on and off. Wait. It's got hairline. It's got a hairline. Yeah, put hair on. Hold on. Whoa. Oh, that's not. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, that's no hair line. It's just moving my hair up.

It's moving your head up. Yeah. It's giving me a big old head. It's pinching your ears in. Man, they have this technology and they wasted it to try to give women makeup. Yeah. Well, this is the future of, uh... Wow, I can make all my videos like this.

Everyone's going to think I lost weight, huh? Naso lab nose is my nose? Yeah, make it big. I don't know it's not make it pointy what is I just eyes oh I can I can make them bigger yes

that's better okay okay all right hey but now give yourself a big nose I gave myself the biggest nose it'll fucking give me I'm looking at it

put in a code it's not a good okay darks why would I want dark circles under it oh uh all right I got spark man

I'm like an anime boy I'm done watching this shit all right goodbye everyone Wait, read the rest of the super chats. That's it. That's it? Yeah, that's it. It's all the super chats.

Well, guys, I just want to remind you to check out the Ristic Study Hall podcast at YouTube.com slash draft magic. Don't forget how to vote on all the problems at biggest problem. And I don't know what else is going on, but I look beautiful. Hey, I can put my hands. You look great. You should go play games. Go play games in your makeup. I will.

All right. Goodbye, everybody. I love you. Hi. You gotta get one of these cameras. I know, but it has to be funnier than makeup. Maybe there's like, well, I don't know if they have additional. I mean, this is pretty funny.

It looks like I'm a fucking K-pop thing. Wait, turn it off. It looks pretty. It looks pretty. Let me see. Do I hit no? Dude, I'm telling you. There's, there it is.

That's really serious. It's completely different, dude. Look. You couldn't tell the fucking difference. Look, it's a completely different guy. You were going slowly. Yeah, but this is like fucking nuts. Here, it has a man. I've been using all the lady filters.

There's a man filter. All right, good by. I'm out of here. All right. Well, you should get one of these. Bye. Bye.