The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 23 - Thank You For The Fifty Dollars

Episode Date: January 10, 2022

Vito's Twitter Account, Politeness Words, Virtual Restaurant Brands, Branded Buttons

people around me. It's nice. Where'd you get that? I don't know. That's good. I just got a bunch of my t-shirts out of storage but most of them don't fit me because I'm a fat ass. Alright! Let's do this thing. You're not going to be able to hear this intro.

And yeah, let's just get into it. Here we go! Woo! Woo! Yeah, let's just get into it. Here we go. Woo! I hear fun music now and you hear nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that kicks your mother in the teeth and leaves her begging for more. I'm your host, Vito Giswaldi. Here is the very special guest, the great Mr. Girl. Hello, Mr. Girl. Hey, Vito. Hey, everyone. How excited are you? Isn't it great to be here? I'm pretty excited.

Yeah, I like hijacking things, so hijacking this show. Yeah. Well, I should probably fill our audience in on why their most favorite person in the world is not here. Dick Richard Masterson has come down with certain public health crisis related incidents. Again. Again. And we've had this discussion that I don't think Dick takes COVID

seriously. It takes him seriously, apparently. He's got it twice. I've never gotten it. You know why? It seems like it was pretty horrible the first time. I'm surprised that he's got it twice i've never gotten it you know why it seems like it was pretty horrible the first time yeah so i'm surprised that he's up for round two every time he gets it it knocks him out for a week i think the last time he got he was out for like two weeks yeah am i like why would you want to deal with that i don't want to deal with that uh what do you call it? And he got it because he went to Las Vegas.

And I had a bunch of people message me. And they're like, how come Dick's talking about you bailed on going to Vegas? And I'm like, well, first of all, I was like an afterthought where he goes, hey, one of my actual friends canceled. Do you want to go instead? And I'm like, maybe. And then I was like, you know what? I don't really. They were going to go to a i'm like right maybe and then i was like you know what i don't really they're like going they were gonna go to a rave on new year's eve do i look like a rave guy really also if you look what happened to ethan ralph i mean clearly you made the right decision

nobody came out of that trip no everybody had a miserable time dick got horrible covid ethan ralph who was there ended up stuck in traffic for like a day because there's a giant pile up on some highway and uh it's been uh it's been a nightmare now real quick for those who don't know you uh mr girl which they should rapper a twitch streamer uh and why do people love me yeah um and you think well i think they love me because of my willingness to break and challenge social norms i think that's a big part of your channel and it's why I've always liked you some people might not know this we go way back

well it's complicated that we went to the same high school but we didn't actually know each other no but we knew of each other did you know of me though? I knew your name, I knew what you looked like that's interesting also we always kind of

we had a lot of mutual friends we did yeah we were in kind of similar circles matt roth the great matt roth i gotta get him what's he up to nobody cares why am i talking about some kid from high school nobody who watches the show will have any idea uh all right well let's just get into everyone's favorite show and uh i will we'll give you some plugs don't forget to check out youtube.com slash mr girl for some great content you also have a new album out which i'm very excited about thank you where do i buy the album max carson.com yeah you can buy pretty much anything you want on max carson.com i have one of your t-shirts but i've discussed that your t-shirt

says on it, uh, take off your panties and there's a picture of you with a gun. And I realized wearing it in public. I'm like, people don't like this shirt. Yeah. Yeah. People are like,

yeah, that's a streaming shirt. That's an around the house shirt. Exactly. We're not selling a lot of those. Yeah. I think it's still a good, uh,

still a good design all right real quick i hope you break social norms that's what's important now i didn't uh gather up normally dick brings in uh people's comments on the last show and uh what do i got here let me real quick everybody thought i was an idiot. That's pretty common. And people are saying, we had an idea. I want to do a stand-up show. Tell me what you think about that, Mr. Girl. I want to do, you know they have that VidCon

thing? Yeah. I wanted to do, when all these YouTubers come into town for VidCon, I want to organize a night where all these YouTubers have to get five minutes, no, three minutes, three minutes of stand-up together. And it's going to be a night of YouTube stars. Everybody does three minutes of stand-up. Because all these YouTube guys, they're like, oh, I'm so funny.

I bet I would be a fantastic stand-up comedian. You want to show them that they don't know what you're talking about? I want to show them that one, no, they have no idea what they're talking about. Two, stand-up is a... I think it would go really well though. I think we could get a good crowd. But I think a lot of these guys would fall on their face. It would be like the worst open mic night ever.

Why do they call you stupid? What's your relationship with the fan base like now? Well, the problem is that I bring in some problems that people do not like necessarily. And let's talk about them right now. I might recrap these with Dick on the next one.

So on our last episode, and then it's kind of like a contest, right, where normally I would have a drum roll here of who won, who got the most votes from the fans, and da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. The winner was going back to work was the biggest problem last week. Or was it two weeks ago? Two weeks because we had the New Year's Eve thing. So that was Dick's problem, going back to work.

Second biggest was blindness, Also a dick problem. So I came in dead last. I don't know how. Here's the third one. I think this is a big problem. Big shits that tear up your asshole. You ever take one of those, Mr. Girl? You know what I'm talking about.

We all know what you're talking about. Yeah, right? You go to the bathroom and you're like, this is going to be fine. I've done this a million times. And then you realize you've got this rock hard. You realize you're not a pro at about. Yeah. Right. You go to the bathroom and you're like, this is going to be fine. I've done this a million times. And then you realize you've got this rock hard. You realize you're not a pro at all. No. You realize, oh God, this is about to split my asshole wide open. I wish I was one. Yeah. Gay guys don't have that problem. They've practiced and you're going and you're thinking they're on the toilet. You're like,

maybe those guys know what they're doing, stretching their buttholes open. So they never have to deal with this shit. And then negative problem number four, the movie theater experience. Negative points for me. You a big movie theater guy, Max? Yeah, I work movies. Really? Yeah.

But do you like going to a chain movie theater? I do. I do. I'm very sad we we haven't been going since uh the pandemic started but yeah i would like to go back sticky floors terrible popcorn people clapping i love it all clapping for spider-man fucking idiots uh i also need to mention yeah um we'll go back to them i like at home. Why can't I watch Spider-Man at home? I tried to get a cam rip.

It was covered in Chinese writing and ads for poker. It was a nightmare. Now, I do have to mention also we did a bonus episode. A lot of people are like, Oh, I'm missing my fix of biggest problem content. Don't forget, there are bonus episodes available only to our Patreon subscribers. Right now, bonus episode number three was our year in review show, which I thought was a ton of fun. We went through the ten worst voted problems, the ten best voted problems.

And then we had our four picks for the worst problem of 2021. And drumroll here. Number one, the death of Norm Maccdonald's that was my problem biggest problem of 2021 max did that impact you at all uh yeah you're a norm fan i'm a norm fan also he um he really didn't want to die and he made that pretty clear in his conversations about life and spirituality and death throughout the years. Yeah, it's really dark and depressing. You know, he went, yeah, he did not go quietly into that good night.

No, he definitely did not like the book of life and how it opens and closes. It's a nightmare. Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about number two. Elliot pages, a topless picks. Shit. I should have had death be the biggest problem. Has that happened yet? I don't know. That might've been on the, there's another show. I never know which problems have happened. Death. Nah, that's not a big problem. We all love it. Number three was

game stopped specifically the stock, which all of us idiots missed out on. And a negative problem was the Capitol riots. That's pretty relevant. That was just yesterday. I said that was the biggest problem of 2021, and this audience has voted me into the ground, of course. So. Authoritarian to say that it's a problem for people to storm the capital i guess yeah i mean i guess we should just open it up and you can scare lawmakers whenever you want that's

fine do that whenever who cares well yeah here's what's gonna happen is me and you have each brought two problems to the table we're gonna we're gonna go back and forth with them sorry i just i just ate some some steak and it was good and uh what am i gonna say i think uh why don't you want i i'll go first so you kind of understand the format i mean you listen to the show sometimes doesn't shaylin listen to the show? Fuck. Oh, what a fucking nightmare. Test one, one, two. Am I back?

You're back. God damn it. Oh, we're going to have some hiccups because my internet always sucks. I was going to say, does Shaylin listen to the show? Somebody said they listen to the show and they like it. Shaylin is a fan of Dick, yeah. So she listened to the show? Somebody said they listened to the show and they like it. Shaylin is a fan of Dick, yeah. So she listened to the Dick show? Yeah, she listens to the... Well, I don't know if she listens to it regularly,

but she's enjoyed your content and his content as well, yeah. That's fun. That's fun. YouTube is not receiving enough video to maintain smooth streaming. You guys let me know how terrible this stream is. I guess we're going to find out. I should be recording this locally. I'm an idiot. And now I'm doing that. Okay. I'm recording locally. Okay. Oh, let's do this thing. I'm sorry that I'm not used to hosting this. It's a whole, it's a whole new thing. What problems did I bring to the table? Well, you're going to find out as soon as I open my little cheat sheet here.

All right. Here I go. Mr. Girl, do you ever get delivery? You ever use one of these services like a DoorDash, like a Grubhub? You know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's the problem with these

services. You go on there and you only, you want to try something new, right? You're like, what are they? I want to find out all these restaurants around me. Try all the local cuisines, all the local flavors. So you might see a restaurant like a cosmic wings, meltdown uh mojos and you go well let me try it out yeah mojo sounds good what you don't know though it's a trick they're trying to trick you my biggest problem is virtual restaurant brands. Now, are you aware of this problem, Mr. Girl? Have you heard of this? I have.

I've heard of it, and I've fallen not total prey to it. I caught the fine print before I clicked order. Well, I have to now, every time I'm about to order from a place, I have to plug their address into the whatever bar to see what the restaurant actually is. Because what they're doing. Now, there's two types of virtual restaurant brands. One of them, you can kind of tell because they're like celebrity branded food, which is stupid. Like they have Mr. Beast Burger.

They have Taiga Bites. Who is Taiga? Have you heard of this? It's like a hip-hop guy. Is he popular? Yeah. I've heard of Wiz Khalifa. He's got Hotbox and Guy Fieri's Flavortown Kitchen.

But here's the thing is these are not real restaurants. You can't go to a Mr. Beast burger. thing is these are not real restaurants you can't go to a mr beast burger it's that these shitty hamburger joints in the middle of nowhere you can go to the mr beast burger website and just a mr beast burger and then all they do is send you some basic instructions and some like foil paper to wrap it in basically says like all right if you want to make like a mr beast burger it's just two patties and fucking bacon like it, it's the same burger that you make, but because you're wrapping it up in a Mr. Beast wrapper, you can sell it for $20 because children are idiots. Right? Yeah.

It's nonsense. And then I see, because there's no quality control. You're not getting the same. You know, normally a restaurant, it's like, you know, if you eat at a McDonald's, you're going to get the same burger everywhere right with mr beast burger it's like totally random you might get like a shitty mr beast burger you can't compare it to anyone else's experience in other parts of the country and there's all these pictures and horror stories i got a raw fucking burger mr beast is trying to kill me thanks virtual restaurant pop-ups oh wait what wait, what is the actual problem here? I feel like you're not really.

Well, there's two problems. You're explaining kind of why it's stupid, but how is this the biggest problem? Well, it's the biggest problem because, one, there's no quality control. You don't know what you're going to get. It's a little sneaky thing that just because it's associated with a celebrity, you think you're going to get great food when you're eating the same bargain basement slop that's again it's

this it's your local burger joint and you've been tricked into thinking you're going to get a premium mr beast experience you're paying extra money there is quality control it's a mcdonald's hamburger if it's a you know whatever whatever restaurant they don't vet me i don't think they vet these restaurants that well i've seen these raw mr bees the restaurants are self-vetting i feel i feel like the only problem you've pointed out so far is that it's dishonest it's dishonest it's got it is dishonest and dishonesty is a problem absolutely and look i'm gonna i'll get i'll get down to the real problem because that's just one half of it. Here's the real problem. Is the virtual brand reconjiggerings that really are out to trick you.

All right? Because you know where I never want to eat? You ever eat in an Applebee's? Yeah. What did you think? I like Applebee's. Shut the fuck up. Why? I like Applebee's. Shut the fuck up. Why do you like Applebee's?

Is that the place with the two for 22 deal? Or four appetizers for two? Yeah, it's cheap. Yeah, there's a reason it's cheap, because it's fucking garbage. It's not the best food, but I enjoy it. When somebody wants to go to Applebee's, I'm excited. You're down? You're ready to go? I'm down.

Well, for those of you... I won't bring up Applebee's, but I'll go. Well, if somebody else brings it up, you nod and you go, all right, we're about to have the two for 22. I'm going to get my free, what do you call it, wedge salad and whatever else. Well, here's the deal. I don't want to eat at an Applebee's I definitely don't want to eat at a Chuck E. Cheese

And I don't want to eat at a Shakey's Pizza Or if I want to eat there I want to know what it is But what they do on these apps Is they go to these guys and they go listen Nobody wants to eat at fucking Applebee's Except retards and morons So what you do is we're just going to change the name In the app And instead of Applebee's're just going to change the name in the app.

And instead of Applebee's, you're going to be cosmic wings. So you can sell your shitty chicken wings and people will think that they're getting like a local foodie experience, not knowing that they're paying for Applebee's. And I got a list here again, Shakey's Pizza. They call it Mojo's. Chili's has rebranded as It's Just Wings. Denny's. You want a shitty Denny's sandwich? The worst restaurant in America? Well, you're going to check out the Meltdown on DoorDash.

They trick you. They hide what it is. You have to look for the fine print at the bottom that says this is a virtual brand courtesy of Chili's. And the worst one, what's the worst pizza in America? I think if you look it up, I think like worst pizza brands, uh, there's like a list. Let's see. Worst pizza chain in America. All right. Major pizza chains ranked worst to best. Let's see. All right, major pizza chains ranked worst to best. Let's see. Uh, oh, I just saw it. Where is it? Chuck E. Cheese, number 12 of the worst pizza restaurants in America.

You don't want Chuck E. That's, it's kid pizza. It's birthday party pizza. It's garbage. Well, you might be tricked on the app into ordering Pasquale's pizza. And they dress it up and you think, oh'm gonna get a local Italian experience clearly this is a artisan Mr. Pasquale is is slaving over a brick oven stone oven preparing me delicious Italian legacies handed down from his ancestors I'm so glad I'm supporting local eateries and businesses and the next thing you know you're eating a Chuck E. Cheese pizza that you paid $25 to show up at your house. Okay, and Mike, can I argue with you now? Yeah. Okay, I've got a couple problems.

One, if you're trying to appeal to this audience, I feel like you're in Dick's audience. They don't care about supporting a local business about Mr. Pasquale, do they? I feel like they would just order whatever food they feel like ordering. I feel like this audience respects good food. I could be wrong. The point of the show is not I'm here to please the audience. The point of the show is that I'm smarter than everybody else, and I know what a big problem is, and you're allowed to disagree.

I've got another problem. I've got another problem with what you're're saying have you ever worked at a restaurant oh yeah i worked at a domino's pizza yeah and uh i worked at a deli but not really a restaurant so a lot of the ingredients like beef patties whatever are all coming from like cisco or some other big restaurant supplier that everybody uses right right so isn't it also kind of true in a way that like um real restaurants are sort of also virtual restaurants like they don't say they don't tell you where they got their barbecue sauce it's it's burger king barbecue sauce right but there's probably i mean they might have their own recipe.

You're assuming. Not every local restaurant is using the bulk byproducts. And if they are... I think that a lot of them are. I guess my point is that there's a lot of things you can buy in restaurants

and just products in general that are repackaging or using components from the same things as other things. And I don't see... It's okay to trick people into eating garbage because all food is garbage. No, no, no. I'm saying that I think this is just common

across all businesses. But here's the part where I agree with you. Is that the only reason this matters is they're trying to get people who already know they don't want to eat at Denny's to accidentally eat at Denny's. They're figuring if they put a picture of, if they say Denny's, then you're like,

oh, I don't like Denny's. And they're like, they're basically stealthing. Yeah. Why don't you just say it's Denny's? Yeah. Because they know that nobody wants to eat fucking denny's i'm not gonna pay for denny's delivery and maybe i'll eat denny's if i'm broken down in the middle of middle america nothing i can't find a coffee house or whatever the fuck it is all right sure i'll eat denny's but in the middle of you know or if

it's like one o'clock in the morning nothing else is open but if i'm sitting down going after the market share of people who've already decided they don't want to eat there yeah i mean if they wanted to eat denny's you can find denny's on the app and order denny's what it is is it's this it's they know that we're all used to this food truck culture where if you give a restaurant a fun name, people will, oh, grill them all. Grill them all. Well, that's clever. A burger restaurant. It's always got stupid food truck names, and they know that they can capitalize on this. It's a fad. It's a food fad, which is another problem I've brought in. Maybe this one's too similar to my previous problem. I don't know why I'm down talking my own problem. Point is I don't want to get tricked in ordering Chuck and cheese.

And, uh, I feel, I don't like scams in general. I think that you as the business need to be upfront with the consumer about what they're getting. And if what they're getting is Chuck and cheese pizza, just say Pasquale's pizza, a subsidiary of the Chuck and cheese family and put it right at the top of the fucking page. Fine. All right? But other than that, right now they're being sneaky, and they know they're being sneaky.

And I don't like it. Is that it? That's all I got. All right. The biggest problem in the universe is virtual restaurant brands. All right. You ready for mine? I'm ready, Mr. Girl.

Why don't you hit me? My biggest problem is please, thank you, and sorry. Yeah, the trifecta. Yeah, those, I guess, manners, politeness words. Yeah. I guess politeness words. I think that's a good way to summarize it. I react really badly, especially in my relationship with Shaylin.

Yeah. I've effectively outlawed these words. Anytime you bring up the dynamics of your relationship, I go, oh, God, when are you going to kill this woman? Just tear off her skin and wear it as a coat. Well, this is why I don't have to kill her, because I set boundaries, and I let her know my preferences about things,

and I let her know how important they are to me. And my preferences here are that she never say please, never say thank you. And above all, never, ever, ever say sorry. It's like gremlins. Like the rules in gremlins. Yeah. Don't feed gremlin. Don't feed the mugwai after midnight.

Right. Don't say sorry to Mr. Girl. I really, really, really don't like it. And I'll tell you why. Yeah, tell me why. What is wrong with these pleasantries? I believe they're manipulative. And I understand.

And then people are going to say, well, no. Are they as manipulative as tricking someone into eating Chuck E. Cheese? Well, I guess that's what we're here to find out. That's what we're here to find out. So, when you say sorry to somebody, you've done something that has hurt them or made them angry or feel bad

otherwise, and you're attempting, like a fucking politician, to head them off and actually make them feel bad about how bad you feel that you made them feel bad and instead of what i think what you should do when you hurt somebody is make space for them to talk about their feelings and say okay yes i lied to you i whatever i broke your thing i threw your thing across the room i screamed in your face until you cowered in the

corner and you're sobbing or whatever you know whatever it was something happened you did something you did something wrong i cheated on you uh and and so then you they what you should do is acknowledge it and then just listen hear them out um to kind of talk them through it yeah what if you experience regret for your actions i think there's a time to talk about that but not while the other person's talking about how you hurt them which is usually when a sorry comes out so so so i say oh you hurt me because you screamed at me and i got scared and you cheated on me and then you whatever, did something terrible. And in the middle of me talking about that, the other person says, oh, I, oh my gosh, I feel bad. I want to talk about how I feel. And, and I want to pressure

you into stop talking about how you feel. Basically you telling them you you being hurt is now hurting me and i want you to stop i just i think it's a super weird tradition that we have where it's it's normal to like reverse it and then suddenly you have to abs i don't want to absolve you after you hurt me i think yeah i think i think well maybe you're just more vindictive what you know you never want an apology from somebody. No, you want it to come late. You don't want like an apology down the line where they go, I took a day to think about it.

No, if you want to talk about how you feel that you did something, that's fine. But, but, but there's, there's so few other phrases in day-to-day language that are like these. They're weird. They're like casting a spell when you're playing Magic. Yeah. They have Magic power. They are very –

They have Magic powers. So in court, you say things like objection, and then everything stops and blah, blah, blah. But there are not really other phrases in English when you're talking to someone conversationally where you say, I am sorry. Yeah. I apologize. And then the other person has to be like oh well he did apologize like no you didn't actually do a thing you just said that word and then suddenly everybody's supposed to act i i don't like you ever next time you want to like interrupt a situation you know instead of saying you know sorry just say the n-word

and see what happens you know because that'll bring things to a halt pretty quickly. Maybe we just use slurs. You know, there's a hot situation and I just say the F slur and then it's like, well, okay, let's stop and address this. I would be more offended. I really want to say the N word. I really want to interrupt you at the end to prove my point it's your show buddy it would bring it it would it would cause that thing but sure sorry is a way to well i think people get uncomfortable what do you do you like if somebody

does something wrong and they're in an uncomfortable situation i don't want to do it i don't want to sit with the discomfort okay then just say i know i hurt you but i don't want to fucking talk about it anymore and i'm leaving no i don't i feel bad and i want to hear from you mr girl that you know what it's going to be okay and we're going to get past it yeah and i'm not going to say that and you can't make me say you're a fucking son of a bitch for the love of god can you just act like a human being for once in your life can i can i what if there's no reason to say that and you can't make me say you're a fucking son of a bitch for the love of god can you just act like a human being for once in your life can i can i what there's no reason to say if we get past it we'll get past it if we our feelings will change over time but we have to just integrate the fact that you did some fucking horrible thing to me into our relationship and that's just going

to be true going forward are we like i i i'm not saying you're you're you're assuming that i have the same paradigm of forgiveness and bitterness or resentment. That's not what I'm saying. You're right. Why would I assume you're a human being? Because I know you and I know you're not. You're a monster. Exactly. No, I'm not saying that I think – I'm saying I don't believe in forgiveness as an idea. I don't think we should forgive or not forgive. We can talk about our feelings and then as needed. Also, yeah, anyway.

So after you beat Shailen, what do you say? All right, yeah. Get the please and thank you. I don't like please either. Please is like I'm telling you to do something, but I want you to think I'm not. So, again, when I'm talking to Shailen, I just say, will you get me a glass of water? That's still asking.

Why don't you just fucking tell her? You say, hey, bitch, get in the kitchen. Why even leave it open-ended as a question according to your laws? They know, but when you say please to someone, you're saying, I'm asking you something. You're, yeah. I really don't want you to say no, and it saying I'm asking you something and I really don't want you to say no and it might hurt me if you do. It's very gently

coercive and I understand the pushback to this is that it's not that coercive and I agree, it's not that coercive. It's just a little like and I don't get the fucking point. I don't like it. If you think that I'm out of line for asking you me saying, please, all that does is make it harder for you to say that.

And then thank you. If you don't like, it's the same thing. It's like, it's like, I thank you. It's like, you're casting. I will agree with you on. Thank you. Especially when it comes to like the retail sector where it's like, you, you know, you took my money and gave me an item and I got to go.

Thank you. No, that's your, what do you thank what did you do you did your job you get paid for this i don't owe you anything uh yeah and in a relationship i don't like it it's it's uh i'll agree that that's one to get rid of do you ever hear this if you feel grateful you can say i feel grateful if you're happy i did something then just say you're happy it doesn't you don't need to reduce it to the phrase that is supposed to communicate that if there's something you're trying to communicate just communicate it but like yeah so like uh shaylin and i we got to the point where like uh she'll make a whole dinner yeah and put it all up nice

on the plate and then you knock it on the floor and you go i don't feel bad no see that's that's what this is what this is what my problem is you know is that you think you think that not using these words is the same as knocking on the floor but no brings it out, she puts it in front of me, and then we eat it. I eat it. And I say, do you want to watch Breaking Bad? She says yes, and then we watch the show. Breaking Bad, that's what you guys are on.

Yeah. Well, Max, I'm glad you've trained your woman to any human pleasantries are out the window. Good work. Thank you. any human pleasantries are out the window good work thank you what the you're not supposed to say that was that a joke was that really clever or did you slip up well it's sarcastic because i know you're being that was good well i'll say i'll say thank you in in more like business informal situations I find that they're less they're degrading to intimacy

I think the closer you are I'm not saying like when I'm at shopping or something if somebody gives me my stuff I say thank you I'm not saying like we should never use these words but we should phase them out of interpersonal relationships and then expand from there alright so what's your problem, Max? Give it to me again. You want another problem?

No, I want to know. Define your problem. Repeat it. Politeness words. Politeness words. Yeah. The biggest problem in the world. Yeah. I think I'm halfway there. I still think you got to treat your woman better. I don't think it is. I still think you got to treat your woman better. I Don't think it is. I think it is treating her worse. That's my whole point I think it is mistreating Someone to push them around and try to manipulate them through the use of these words and get them to what's the last gift you bought? for Shaylin I

Got her I Got her some Christmas presents What'd you get her? She made an Amazon list I clicked add to cart How romantic Yeah So I didn't really get her anything

She got them for herself And you paid for them If you want to know what Shailen bought herself With my money I can tell you It's the love story That was made in the stars Yeah If you want to know what Shaylin bought herself with my money, I can tell you. It's the love story that was made in the stars. Yeah. You ready for my problem?

Problem number two. Is it Shaylin? Am I being too cantankerous? I'm just fucking with you. No, I know. I know that you have serious discomfort with the way that I treat women, particularly Shailene. Well, I think you have some old, I don't even know what it is. I think you have old school ideas, actually.

I think it is you. You're saying I should buy her flowers, I should buy her gifts, and I don't want to. Well, I think women need to be tricked because they're simple-minded. So by giving them tiny trinketsets it's like you're a bird you know and you bring whatever the birds do god damn it i'm back uh you're back okay yeah um die her trinkets yeah aren't there like fish or birds that make like little what's that bird that makes like an intricate nest to prove his manhood or whatever the yeah i know what you're talking about yeah so just do that no i'm a i'm a shaylin a nest i'm a feminist

so i yell at women and i don't buy them presents it is true that the ultimate form of feminism is to yell at women. I have to agree with that. You've got to treat them like you treat men. Yeah, like dog shit. Yeah, see, I think you're old school. You want to treat women like children. I find that weird. I think women are children, and that's the problem.

But that's not my biggest problem. My biggest problem, Max. Number two. Yeah. Default remote buttons. Now, maybe this isn't as esoteric or lofty as your ideas but default default you mean what are default remote buttons well uh maybe not default what do you call it sponsored remote buttons okay okay do you know what i'm talking about i do i should have brought my remote over but let me put it this way i have a roku television which i do i should have brought i should have brought my remote over but let me put it this way

i have a roku television which i like i actually enjoy it's very easy to get to my shows and my channels the problem is that the remote is a piece of that if you touch it even slightly it reacts i don't know it's crazy like i'll just look at it and then it like changes the fucking channel. But beyond this remote being a piece of shit, uh, Roku devices, all the remotes, they come with these buttons that are like default channels where like they're labeled. One of them is Netflix. One of them's Hulu. Uh, and then there's ones I haven't even heard of like zinger, chambo, uh, grumble. I don't know heard of Like Zinger, Chambo Grumble I don't know, they're insane And they're on there

Taking up space on the fucking remote And you'll just be watching a show And all of a sudden you accidentally press You're like trying to turn the volume up and down Next thing you know You've hit this fucking Hulu button And you're watching Hulu This is insanity I just want to watch my TV.

I don't need a button that tricks me into watching a rival service, half of them, which I don't subscribe to. And it's not just Roku remotes. Also, I got like a projector sent to me recently. Same shit. I'm just trying to enjoy the projector and you touch the thing wrong. And next thing you know, you're watching amazon instead of the delicious porno movie you were trying to watch when you launch netflix on your roku do you use the netflix button no i hit you i go to the home i go to the home and then i go no here here's what i do is i take a fucking knife and i cut the button off the remote all the default buttons all these sponsored buttons are gone because i'm tired

of touching them i would like to see that if it's available ah fuck it's in the other room hold on one second i'm gonna going to get it. Okay. I want to see this shit. I want to see this serial killer button removal. I use the Netflix button on my remote all the time. It's probably the button I push the most on my remote, other than power off.

Ugh. other than power off. All right. So this is my Roku remote. You really did it. Yeah, of course. Because this remote fucking sucks. And what, what, I get what's happening. Okay, but the remote used to be a for the user to enjoy their television experience yeah and now it has become just another place to put a fucking advert

they sell they sell these buttons you know that that they the companies bid oh sure yeah yeah yeah it's it it's all about you're gonna advertise to me on my tv remote why don't you just make me like an amazon brand tv that has a fucking Amazon logo all over it? Why don't you give me a fucking Netflix virtual helmet? Or just stop advertising on everything. It's a remote. Just leave it alone. Just make it a remote.

Nothing's safe with it anymore. Half the time, these buttons don't do anything because the fucking service associated with them goes out of business there are roku remotes right now that have buttons for mgo direct tv now rdo blockbuster on demand you know what happens when you press those buttons it tells you that's not we don't have that anymore it's gone there is no blockbuster on demand you can't even reprogram the buttons to do something else like oh well then i'll just take this shitty blockbuster button i'll make it like a service i actually use that no you can't do it it's a remote that you can't they trap you in this in this nightmare scenario of having a bunch of buttons you know uh it gives

you the feeling like the remote is meant to be used here and now like it's not built to last for sure it's it's i mean i just paid how much money for a tv like 600 bucks and you gotta sell me if you hadn't sold those, you might have been paying 800 bucks. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. They're not passing the savings on to the fucking consumer. I don't buy it. Not to mention it doesn't. And it doesn't just apply to a TV remotes.

My phone, you see this button on the side. The only thing that button does is connect to Samsung's voice, like their version of Alexa. Yeah. I have that too. Yeah. You can't change what that button does. I am. I am pretty upset about that.

Yeah. You're like, well, I don't like, I don't like Samsung's assistant. I want to use the fucking Google one. And they're like, no,

you have a button that you're going to randomly hit. What does it do? It makes like a fucking chime or some shit. Yeah. Tell me the weather, you piece of shit. I didn't understand that. Yeah. Fuck you, Samsung. You fucking asshole. Uh, I just want, I, I, as the consumer should have the right to choose my buttons and, uh, to have a remote that isn't, that isn't determined for me, the user. We used to care. We used to care about people in this country. We used to let people have the power, and now they don't, and it's absurd. I like my Netflix button.

I don't know what to tell you. Fuck you. I prefer having it. Okay, fine, the Netflix button. You can have one of them because everybody needs Netflix, but the rest of them are garbage. And again, I hit them by accident, and it fucks up my whole day. Biggest problem in the universe, somebody's saying I should call it physical bloatware.

I don't know what I'm going to call it, but right now I'm calling it... Branded buttons. Branded buttons. I think that's pretty good. It's bullshit. Yeah, it's got nice alliteration there. Mr. Groh, why don't you take us home with problem number four? Somebody else says it's like 1984, and you're not wrong.

Starts with that. Self-destructive content creators. Yes. So social media content creators are the only people that I am aware of that basically become a, I was going to say company, but almost a corporation, like a big, and like I've been blowing up the last couple weeks, and so I've been thinking about this a lot. But the amount of money and power, and I'm not making a lot of money, I don't have a

lot of power, I'm not saying that, but I can see what it would be like to be like a Mr. Beast or somebody huge like that. And the fact. Now, I think Mr. Beast probably has managers and handlers and stuff. He's pretty careful. And you don't really catch him doing shit like this. Same thing with Ninja. I feel like at a certain point, some of these people. Somebody else is in control. Somebody else kind of over who knows who knows what they're doing but there's a

lot of kind of i mean elon musk like people he's almost like a social media content creator separately from being you know the ceo of of tesla spacex um i just watch people throw out their Tesla and SpaceX. I just watch people throw out their careers all the time. We all do. I mean, we like watching it because it's satisfying to watch someone destroy themselves in that way. But it's also

disturbing and weird. I don't understand, especially if you're a fan of them, I don't get why. and i've spoken to you specifically about yeah you're always uh i mean you've you've got over 10 times as many subscribers as me yeah and i'm like why why do you why would you do that i don't understand real quick we went down what did i do was it uh talking shit on twitter yeah mostly uh i would say about one in four tweets that you tweet i'm like i don't get what the fuck you're doing i

don't understand what you're doing i don't get why you're doing that because i'm so angry it drives me the world is driving me crazy i know but i guess i i i don't understand if i'm angry yeah i don't take that out at work no you go scream at me you go scream at your girlfriend like a normal right yes i don't have that i can scream at my sex doll but she doesn't do anything she doesn't react the way i want and i punch my sex doll, but she doesn't do anything. She doesn't react in the way I want. And I punch her in the face and it doesn't feel real. If you're screaming at people at work, it's like you're taking out your anger on your own career. I don't understand that.

And so many people do that. They're always getting in Twitter fights and Twitter fights where they look bad, where everybody looks bad, and they lose their creep show art. Yeah. Or who else? Why? But celebrities do it, too. Alec Baldwin, when he goes on his fucking Twitter and he talks shit about calling people queers or whatever. I don't remember what he did. Right, yeah. So, yeah yeah certain people don't when that black panther lady went on she or no who was it it

wasn't it nikki minaj yeah yeah yeah who's like uh both yeah both of them she was like did you know that fucking vaccine caused my cousin's testicles to rot off you're like shut the fuck up bitch you have no idea what you're talking about yeah and so i uh this probably won't win because it's not like uh it's a problem we all witness but it might be a problem that most of us enjoy so i don't know how are you looking at the problem from the point of view of the content creator like uh it's a problem yeah exactly the human condition that causes us to self-destruct i have a guy who i give 10 of all my earnings to yeah which is fucking insane you should stop doing that and his job his only job is to watch my videos listen to my music talk about what I'm doing or planning to do. And his only job is to tell me not to do things.

Right. And he's only told me not to do or told me to not post probably like 10 videos total. And of those, did you post any of them or did you always not post them no i have never i have never contradicted are you telling me there's 10 secret mr girl videos yeah there's a guy named jimmy who is the only person who has seen these 10 secret why don't i get to fucking see him because it's his job it's like how some people's job you have to search for child porn on the internet so that you can take it down.

Yeah, I wish I had that job. I'd be good at that job. There's a special clearance to see them. God, I want that clearance. My point is, I give you great advice all the time i should be watching the mr girl videos i think i'm doing more than jimmy nobody does more than jimmy bullshit so in exchange so i i so for to me i don't understand like other and also um he's he's never said something was too offensive for yeah it's It's always that something's too boring.

Okay. That might make sense. These are the 10 worst Mr. Girl videos. They're just not interesting. No, they're just not. He was just like, or he tells me to cut things down a lot. You clearly need somebody to tell you not to tweet about stuff. And I tried to do that, but you never listened to me.

I don't think you won't listen to anybody. And I don't understand it won't listen to anybody and i don't understand it i listen to people listen i could tweet stuff that is way worse than what i tweet i promise you okay but but why risk it i don't know because i got nothing else to do i'm bored also i think people accept my brand of veto is just insane and they've just accepted it now they're like yeah that just says whatever's Also, I think people accept my brand of Vito is just fucking insane. And they've just accepted it now. They're like, yeah, that motherfucker just says whatever's on his mind and he's a nut job. What image am I trying to protect?

That Vito's America's sweetheart? No, everybody knows I'm a scumbag. Okay, so like, I could be American. Sure, I could be one of these guys who puts on the face and goes, gee, golly, gosh, I want to save the children in the fucking rainforest. And I love all of you with my heart. But the truth is I hate a lot of you. Not all of you, but many of you.

I have hate. Here's the image I think you should want to protect. Yeah. You at the Netflix protest, gregariously shouting, I love Dave Chappelle. I love jokes. In a likable, controversial,

but very likable, non-mean, confrontational, but not aggressive way. I know, but I am. People tear apart your sign and blah blah, and that only works like if you had gone there and you had

said... Fuck you, you're a piece of shit, yeah. Exactly, if you'd said anything like that, any swearing, any attacks on the trans community or LGBT people or anything like that, it would have completely destroyed the entire image.

And it like that that moment was a huge boost to your career. Sure. It got you a lot of attention, got you a ton more Twitter followers, got you a ton more subscribers, all this shit because you specifically were not being an asshole and people were calling you an asshole anyway. And I think that is what you should be trying to protect i know look i'm here's the thing i'm a nice guy in real life i think yeah same yeah same same with the pepsi thing that's what the chat said exactly exactly the same tone you're

there you look like you're trolling you look like you're gonna be an asshole and then you're just not you're just friendly to everybody and you and by being friendly and gregarious and outgoing and like kind of like all right um jokey but not mean you expose the the push whatever people say back to that um shows you a lot about them sounds like it sounds like the biggest problem in the universe is veto's twitter account account. Yes. I think so. I think you're right. I think we should re... Yeah, rephrase. I mean, you can make it. You can make it. The biggest problem in the universe is Vito's

inability to run good PR for himself. All of your inability to do that is on your Twitter account. So let's just say Vito's Twitter account. But these people drive me up a... They're all fucking liars and thieves. Like, today I put up that...

Did you see the video I put up today? That's the point. That's the point of the Netflix protest video, is that you're going to be nice to people who aren't nice to you. That's why you come off so likeable. All right, all right. I'll stop. I don't know.

I hate a lot of these people. That's... I know. But so if you're nice to people you hate it makes for great content because you're genuinely being nice that's what was great about it is you weren't so like you see those video was that guy who goes and interviews trump supporters and just tries to make them sound stupid by asking them trick questions you know what i'm talking about yeah that guy uh fuck yeah i always flack us how is he compared to that guy if that's the same guy that you're thinking of i think so i don't remember there's a couple but he's like yeah like so don't you think the blah blah blah and then they look stupid and then he's like looks at the camera smirking but he comes off

like a fucking asshole like it can be funny to to make fun of people like that but ultimately it doesn't make you like him it just makes you be like oh okay you tricked people they didn't they didn't even know what was going on and then you filmed it now you're making money off of it what's great is when you're nice to people and you just let them do whatever they want and then what they want to do is rip up your sign and shit yeah then uh that is good i don't know what to do in this society where like everybody is just fucking lying all the time and i gotta like i always talk to you about like some of the crazy shit the trans community says about if you don't do everything

i say all these kids are gonna die and i'm like no one no one's gonna kill themselves because fucking whatever because i said that a a guy who became a lady shouldn't be running in the 50 meter dash or whatever else like i just live i'm surrounded by anger that's the other problem i don't start the anger there's already anger that exists and you're telling me i need to be above it And that's hard to fucking do. I'm telling you that if you want the kind of popularity. I should be Jack Black. And everybody loves me. And all I do is I'm fun and whatever. No, you can be darker than Jack Black.

Jack Black doesn't go to the Netflix protests and shout, I like jokes. He just stays out of it. You can get in. That's what it is it's that you act like you're like a nice guy like jack black but then you still insert yourself in the middle of a huge protest or conflict and then whatever is projected onto you that's what we learn about the people i mean but let's be clear you're like a ph test that we dip into the water to see how acidic it is but if you then are super mean to everybody on twitter then it's like all right i know i got

look i gotta figure it out i have away from the idea that you're revealing things makes it seem like oh maybe they knew maybe they were right maybe you are an i'm trapped in my house Maybe they were right. Maybe you are an asshole. I'm trapped in my house. The only entertainment I have is to scream at people on the internet. And you fucking moved. We could be hanging out.

You fucking moved. This is your fault. Because I'm going around to hang out with you. So I got to go. Yeah, I could be arguing with you. Why do you think I call you all the fucking time? Because I'm fucking bored. All I got is cats to yell at you can only call a cat the n-word so many times before it loses its luster you gotta talk to somebody real you ever call your cats racial slurs because it's okay because they're cats um no but i've known people uh who's done that

i call my cats the F slur all the time I'm like knock it off you fucking you know so what is your problem Max why don't you give me a summary Vito's Twitter account contradicting his good hard work

in his there's two Vitos there's Vito who is very nice and fun but i'm only nice and fun to people i like and then the people i don't like i'm like what the fuck just just stop lying i don't like lies and deceit and misinformation and there's so much of it on the internet and nobody is doing anything about it that's what drives me up a wall somebody on twitter will just post like a fake news story and there'll be like a thousand comments. They're like, yeah, yeah.

Did you see the thing with Jon Stewart? Where it's like Jon Stewart thinks JK Rowling is anti-Semitic and you go watch it and it's like a podcast where he's clearly joking. He's like, does anybody think that the goblins look like Jews? You're like, oh, he's making a joke. But everybody on Twitter just runs with this fake fucking story and nobody says anything they just all if it if it confirms their biases they run i don't know i don't know i can't fix the world i guess and i can't accept that it drives me nuts

i don't think that you think yeah to be clear you're not trying to fix the world on your twitter account your twitter account is a manifestation sometimes i do try to fix sometimes i go on there and if people are sharing a fake story i try to get the word out that it's fake uh but i'm sorry my look i'll just you know what i'll get off twitter i'm going to get her get her i think if you want to stir up shit on Twitter you should do it under a different name I should make a fake you're right I should have a I should have an alt account I'm gonna name it Jimmy Big Nuts and he's gonna be the most cantankerous racist woman hating uh fucking thing there are there are people who I wouldn't be saying this like I'm not saying you everybody should be nice on Twitter.

Being mean is your thing. The problem is that being nice is your brand. Being nice to crazy people at protests is specifically what people like about you. It's also kind of a, let's be real. I mean, when I went to the Pepsi fucking thing, it's a little bit of an abstraction. A character, perhaps. Yeah. Vito's Twitter account is the biggest problem in the universe.

Yeah. I accept it. Okay. I accept it. That's my submission. Mr. Girl, thanks so much for coming to Biggest Problem in the Universe. Real quick, I want to go through. Did you have fun?

Did you have fun? I think so yeah well you can't you was like something to do oh it's not boring i just don't know if fun is the right word i think it i think um it all feels more personal i'm not good at having conversations that aren't personal well me and you have some personal conversations well we do yeah many ever since that night in the hot tub i mean we've been linked all right you were blackout drunk yeah i don't i don't remember being in the hot tub with you but if you say it happened i got pictures let me put it that way mr girl how do we find you oh max you're fucking terrible at self-promotion every time you go he keeps going on these streams and i go whenever you go on these streams i want you to say youtube.com

slash mr girl at least five times during the course of the conversation and then you'll get to the end of the stream and they go uh you got anything you want to promote? You're like, no, I'm good. I don't like self-promoting. People want to find me. I'm sure they'll find me. This is such bullshit. This is such bullshit. Look, if they want to find me, they'll find me.

I got to do the fucking plug for you. YouTube.com. No, shut the fuck up and let me do it. I'm Jimmy now, okay? Just go to YouTube. Well, Jimmy the fuck up and let me do it. I'm Jimmy now, okay? Just go to YouTube. Well, Jimmy doesn't do promotion either. Mr. Girl has been streaming to audiences of 800 people, and he won't put up one of those fucking things

where when you donate money, a little fucking schrodinger, what is it called, a Skinner box, pops a little fucking message on the screen? Yeah, I was wondering if you were going to bring that up. Yeah, I've officially decided, I've let my Discord know, there will not ever be a donation notification. Oh my god! I'll say this publicly now.

You fucking cocksucker! There will never, ever in a million years, ever will there be a little ding, a little notification. Will you read the super chats? Do you read them? Little thing will you read? Okay, but will you read the super chats? Do you read them? Yeah, I'll read that I'll read the donation chats at the end of the stream or when there's a pause the whole point I want you to like books more Yeah, I just started a fight with book smarts on Twitter or he started with me, but I I fought back That guy's a fucking bitch. Fuck that guy Why don't feel that strongly about it but i'll say it right now book smarts

you piece of uh a lot of these guys are vosh is a piece of uh i don't feel i don't feel that way either i don't i don't want to uh i don't think they're bad people i i have problems with how they've treated me on their streams but i think there's room for redemption i think he's a bad person and i'd ask him to apologize but you think that's a for redemption I think Vosh is a bad person I think he's a bad person And I'd ask him to apologize but you think that's a problem So I guess he fucking won't I don't want Vosh to apologize I want to talk it out

That's all I think you should talk it out with Vosh who's a bitch You should also put a little Skinner box on your Twitch thing And whenever somebody donates it can go Hooah! Mr. Girl in the box! I vow I vow on my life to never do that Every time somebody donates, it can go, Mr. Girl, I vow on my life to never do that. Every time someone donates, it should go. Look at the blonde one.

It's not my aesthetic, Vito. Yeah, I know you're in. You're enlightening the discourse. I've talked. I've talked to Mr. Girl about this. He goes, no, I'm going to change the fucking world fucking world and we're gonna elevate the dialogue in a week you're gonna be playing halo for nickels i guarantee it you're gonna be begging them to come back you're gonna go please please watch me play minecraft i set it up so every time i put a block down it fucking

thanks you for watching let's look i don't have any voicemails because dick didn't send them to me we'll play them on the next uh show probably but i do have some uh super chats here mr girl are you excited why would you be excited yeah am i gonna get i want to get cut in on these super chats talk to dick about it i will talk to dick about it you bring it up with Dick. I will bring it up with Dick. He's the money man. I'm going to message him right now and say give me my fucking money. I'll give you ten bucks.

Because you wasted. Are you going to buy Shailen a present with that money? No. No? I think we should split it three ways. I'll tell Dick that you agreed to that. Okay. Hey, what ethnicity are you? Me? Yeah. I'll tell Dick that you agreed to that. Okay.

Hey, what ethnicity are you? Me? Yeah. Why do you ask suddenly? No reason. They just strike you as a strange color or something? No, I mean... You look like you just called me for the first time. Well, I don't know.

We're talking about splitting money three ways. i wonder if there's something in your racial background that might suggest uh yeah uh you you think that i am part one of the races that that uh traditionally gets fucked over all i know is i've been hearing a lot of talk about the protocols of the elders of zion i'm not saying that uh all right now we're turning into an alt-right podcast i don't i don't uh i think it's anti-semitic to bring up that i'm a jew because i want to be paid uh how much how much money do you make per week and all right all right dr shekelstein let's not get into our fucking oh seriously how much money do you make per week on the patreon well it's not weekly we make what

the patreon makes like three grand a month okay so for every show you make 750 dollars yeah so you're making 750 dollars for this conversation do you think when jack murphy you're calling me a jew because i want because i want to split the chats with you do you think when jack murphy goes on are you kidding me do you think this is a common thing that anyone does i'm not a guest i'm co-hosting i'm paying you in promotion you are promoting me an exposure yes i am paying you an exposure i'm past that how much of book smarts money did he give you i don't want any book smarts money i streamed it on my channel how much of destiny how much money did he give you i didn't want any book smarts money i streamed it on my channel

how much of destiny how much money did destiny give you destiny launched my career and also he encouraged me to stream that on my own stream too do you think dick wants me to stream the biggest problem on my channel you can you can start a spin-off listen you money grubbing cocksucker talk to dick all right also didn't get a contract didn't i film a commercial for your card game three years ago that you said you'd pay me 50 for and then never did i didn't pay you 50 bucks i'm pretty sure i did no okay well i'll send you 50 bucks check your venmo request that's been sitting there for three years was it a venmo request yeah i like that this podcast has devolved into mr girl's fucking banking extraordinaire yeah except five seconds ago you were yelling at me for not being never brought up in three years that i owed you money i assumed i just paid you and i'm pretty sure i did pay you

but i'll kick you 50 bucks. You fucking popper. Can I read these super chats now? Well, I mean, you want, do you want me to put a, uh, alert on my Twitch channel that you've paid me? Sure. Yeah. If I could.

All right. I'll give you the 50 bucks, but I want it to pop up on the screen and I want it to go ding, ding, ding. Well, then you're not getting it. I want a tip ticker. All right. shut the fuck up seth johnson for five dollars in favor of mr girl's case the biggest problem is when people reply thank you to an insult as a super cringe comeback so if i said what i said uh

if you said i'm a money-grubbing jew, and I said, thank you. Yeah, like you're owning it. Mm-hmm. You know I love the Jewish people. I do. I wish I was Jewish. I think it's me you're pissed off at, not Jews. I'm not pissed off at you. I just think you're making up little stories about money I owe you.

Aaron Wentworth, for $5, says, I'm voting up the button problem. Call it physical bloatware. I'm calling it, what was it? Branded buttons, the BB. Matt Bear for $5 says, The reason it's uncomfortable to hear Mr. Girl talk to Shailen is because that's what an actual relationship sounds like, veto.

Okay, sure. I don't know. Whatever. Clay Early says, Does this veto guy have a New York accent or just like a husky fella accent? I have a western Massachusetts accent. Max, you don't really have the same Massachusetts dialect, I think. No.

You don't go wicked piss-a. That's wicked fucking retarded, buddy. Wagle Rage, this is going to piss you off, for $50 American dollars, all of which goes to the show, says Big Money Masterson isn't here, so I'll pass out some Skrilla. Mr. Girl, what's the best way to avoid a physical altercation with a woman who's barring you from leaving a fight by blocking the door? I just binged half your content, and it's pretty great.

What do you do, Mr. Groom? Leaving a physical altercation when someone is blocking the door? If they're physically blocking the door, I think they're assaulting you. I think you might be able to just move them. Yeah. I'm not sure. Well, they're holding you against your will. It's almost kidnapping at that point. But it's going to be a crying woman so the cops are

going to bust your head in regardless oh yeah i don't think you should hit her or something but i think you can uh gently knock a little bit of sense into her or climb out the fucking window i mean if there's a way to avoid a physical alter take altercation then i'm in charge i'm in favor of that all right veto i just i just sent you a screenshot can you describe its contents to me you sent me a screenshot on my phone yeah i texted you a screenshot request for pig heart porn incomplete sent september 24th 2018. that's three years and three months. I think I just gave it.

I'm not even going to ask for interest. I think I gave it to you in person. No. I think we went out on a date, and I said, Max, here's that $50. Whatever, I'll send you $50. Oh, my God. I mean, I'll take the $50, but that's not why I bring it up. Right.

Donate half of it to Temple. You're not a practicing Jew. No. You should. You should find God. Goaty McGoatface says, Vito, take a cue from Max and make videos with tons of effort. Put into them again. Not this crap about crappy hotels.

Vito, you are a sweetheart though. Now I'm trying to keep most of that stuff on my second channel. You don't have to subscribe to my second channel Vito too, which you should subscribe to anyway, but I've been putting up a couple of those clickbait fucking videos on my main channel to convince people to subscribe to my second channel. But in the future, I hopefully will not have to do that. And I will have enough people on the second channel where I no longer have to promote it but real quick i mean let's be clear 80 000 views for five minutes of me talking about a star wars hotel okay do you understand how great it is to put like an hour of work into making a video. Do you know how much money I made on that, Max?

No, how much? 80,000 views, estimated revenue, $550. That's great. For like an hour of work. So everybody always says I want published content. Don't risk at all being mean on Twitter or being mean to me. Oh, whatever. I'll never be canceled. I'm already canceled.

Live like you've already been canceled, people. I got one last super chat. You know who it's from, Max? No, who? It's from the Dick Show. It's from Dick Masterson himself. Yeah, what does he say? What does he say?

He says, lol, Vito, you have so many excuses for acting like a shithead on Twitter. Thank you, Mr. Girl girl see you guys next week and that is a great great message to all of you thank you for listening to the biggest problem in the universe don't forget to vote on the problems at biggest problem dot show check out the patreon at patreon.com slash biggest problem get access to the latest bonus episode it's a fun one mr girl i'm to give you one chance to figure out how to plug yourself. Go.

You can all suck my dick. All right, fuck you. What the fuck? I'll send you your $50, you vulture. Thanks, everybody. And Dick will hopefully stop having cancer next week.