The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 230

Episode Date: June 5, 2026

Did you see that? Yes. And we went to 30 minutes. The 30 days. Did you see that? Oh, okay. The countdown went to 30 days on that one, it said. Well, luckily they don't have to wait 30 days for this show.

They would be thinking, uh-oh. That's a long time to wait. That is a long time to wait. That's a long countdown, they would say. Yes. Oh, boy. All right, where's the music? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

People are saying my mic is low. Is that true? Yeah, you're low. You are low. Do you want to adjust it or should I adjust it? Probably you. Okay, you got it. Do-ro-to-do.

Do do-ro-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. It takes you that long to turn up your mic? I thought you, I just watched you do it. No, I say you turn up your mic. I just watched you adjust the mic in the fucking back-end. I am looking at, looking at the screen. Do you want me to turn it up more than you just turned it up? it is at 100.

I'm looking at mic settings for Vito. That is the default amount. So you were you were fucking with it. How about 120? How's that? Oh, you're turning it up in Stream Yard. You're not turning it up on your microphone? That is correct. Oh, that's not going to sound good.

Okay. It's fine for me. I have not changed any settings since the last time we did this show. Well, it must be. Be stream yard probably. They've messed around with some things, you know? It's hard to say. Hard to say.

But it sounds good now? I have no idea. Okay. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from limes with no juice to liberals getting the news. Obtuscanome says that one. I'm your host, Dickmast. Justin, join me as always is Fido Giswaldi.

Hello! How you doing? Great. Great. All right. What's the... Where's my drum roll? What's been going on in the world?

Whoops. I always forget that one. What do you've been up to this week? Liberal wish fulfillment. That was the winner. The big winner. Was that me or was that you? I think it was me.

I think it was about the show, the Soys. The boys, but they're calling it the Soys. It's not that bad a show. I don't know. I do agree that the ending is. It's for weird. Anal sex show. That's what it is.

What do you mean it's an anal sex show? Am I missing something? It's just about anal sex, the whole show. I don't think that's correct. You like anal sex. You love the boys they go about, they can't go five minutes without talking about. Can you move your chairs here at least on the, in the frame? Completely off camera.

They're like, let's save the world. They're like, can we do it with a butt-fucking? Can we do? Okay, well, hold on. It was really weird that the whole time you go, well, that French guy's trying to hook up with that silent Asian girl, right? And then they get to season four and they go, we need more gay shit. How about the French one's been gay the whole fucking time? He's got to have a butt sex.

That kind of came out of nowhere. If he was gay, it would have came up before. Like, he would have said, I do not like the girls. I like this. Boys and the penises in me mouth. I like the smell of ass weiner. That would be good. He would have said,

Mother's milk more like butt milk, like a cum and a butt. Do you think it's possibly around a French gay guy for four seasons and never wants to go, I'd like to suck his dick like a big spaghetti noodle. Not in liberal gay Hollywood. It's not. Normal gay men, yes.

What is going on? Hey, how did Spencer Pratt? I lost all my money. That's my problem. That's my problem today is ballot harvesting or why is it take so long to count the votes in L.A.

What's the fucking deal, man? Are you doing it right now? You're just going for it? It's the fucking deal, man. Spencer Pratt runoff odds dip to 54%. So there might not even be a runoff. She might just be mayor.

Is that what's happening? What's happening is the cheat is in. That's what's happening. Because the way it works is that she has to get more than 50% of the vote. And because it was a three-way race, it was possible that she would only get like 40 or something. Yeah, 50 is the winner. Yeah, if she got above 50, then she wins. It's got to be in a tough spot for the Democrats because they don't know if they should cheat to make bass just win outright.

Or if they should cheat to kick Spencer Pratt out of the bottom of. the runoff. Don't you think? That's a tough spot that they're in. Who do they give the fabricated votes to? I don't know. I'm trying to follow. I'm trying to follow. They got to have. You either you either have a winner or a runoff.

Don't get cute with this problem. You either have a winner or a runoff. Oh, the Democrats going to do you know, because Biden and the secret votes and just say what you want to say. What are you trying to say? What are you trying to say? California Democrats have a tough decision to make. Do they

fabricate votes for Bas, the black woman that looks Mexican, so they can make her winner at 50% or do they fabricate votes for Nathaya Salami Lama, the Indian who also looks Mexican. So she can beat out Spencer Pratt and they can have a

two runoff, two Democrats. It's a difficult position. No, no, no, no, no. They would want Spencer Pratt. They would want to give votes to him because then they get to raise all this money being like, hey, if you don't give us money, that fascist is going to, you don't understand the Democratic playbook at all. They want to run against a right-wing guy, you know,

because then they get to go, don't you understand, fascism is going to take over this country unless you give us money, and that's how they get all their money. They're not going to even just a brown lady versus a different brown lady. Everyone goes, ah, no matter who I donate to, we already won. We already got a brown lady. Yeah, we won. We just get to keep taking money to do fake homeless shit.

That's the win. That's what they do. They just take the tax money and they pocket it. And they buy all the buses. They print all the signs in the same place. Can you believe it? They all got the same sign. How did they do it?

Signs don't matter. The same sign. I don't know how they did that, but they did it. We got to find who's making the signs. Maybe put screws to them. you know what is your actual problem this is retarded um ballot harvesting ballot harvesting what ballot harvesting you don't know what that is everybody's doing it man no i don't know what it is they're the ones who do it and they know how they are doing it they're the ones doing it just

just don't worry about there needs to be don't worry about what it is worry about who's doing it okay it doesn't matter what it is it just matters who's doing it Someone needs to lock down the categories of dick problem, because this is the category of dick problem. Have I done ball harvesting yet? No, but I'm saying it's like this category where you go, you know, I'm going to be sneaky the way I'm, you know, it's like, what you're all know what's going on. Everybody knows what's going on. Everybody knows. Everybody knows what's going on. I don't know.

I didn't copy any of my stats down. I had a lot of them. I didn't copy it down. Well, you can bring up a Google document. Do you have a Google Doc? Don't you have a giant monitor right in front of you? I think I put it in my not pad. Nope, that's not it. My Apple, my Apple notepad.

But I don't know. Usually it just doesn't copy for some reason. They're in my phone. Fucking stealing my stats. I keep getting this thing where my Google Docs keep telling me. I can't possibly open that Google Doc. And I go, can you save a copy of that Google Doc? And they go, yeah, I can do.

that. Wait, what do you mean they can't open it? What are you talking about? I go, I go like, I'm on my phone, like some of, yeah, you know, all my child pornography that's locked down. So, no, I, uh, I'll have a Google doc, like a text document. I go to look at it on my phone and goes, no, you can't access this file. I'm sorry, that's off limits. And I go, can I make an exact copy of it? And they go, oh, of course. And I'm like, okay. What are you, uh, what are you opening? You know, it's a Lolliccon, Avengers. issue nine where he's got to go back in time to rape himself to prevent his past self from raping his future self. It's a whole thing.

You know, they say that in every truth, in every joke there's truth. So what you're saying right now is a confession. Yeah, I've looked at Lollicom pornography. On Google Docs? There's not a better, like you can use mega, like normal people? I've been on Fortune. Okay. When you scroll on 4chan, you go, okay, let me see. Oh, that girl's clearly underage.

No, I don't see that on 4chan. I'm on 4chan all the time. I don't see that. Well, you're not on the fun boards with all the funs. I've actually been on 4chan. What website do you go to that? I have not been on 4chan in a million years. How's 4chan doing? That's infiltrated by feds.

You shouldn't go there. Well, what do they even got left? They got, let's see, sexy beautiful women. Hardcore, handsome men. No. It sorts them by your preferences. It sorts them. Isn't etchy like it's not as bad?

It's just it's sexy, but it's not, they're not naked or something. Is that etchy? I don't know. You never, with Japanese, I don't want to like click it to find out. Yeah. So I've never clicked on it. What is it? Well, like, I'm looking at Aska Langley naked and she's, what, 14?

So do I go to jail for that? Vito, attention. Vito is looking at child porn. She's from Evangeline. I'm the biggest problem in the universe. If they're from Evangelian, it doesn't count. You know what it just says cute feet. Depending on what age you first became a fan, you get a, it's grandfathered in.

Is that how it works? If you, if you, yeah, okay, that should be a rule, right? If you look at Elmo porn, well, not me, because Elmo wasn't around to later, but normal people would be like, I want to see Elmo's dick. It's okay because you were like two years old when you saw Elmo. because Elmo's probably like eight years old, you know, so it's fine. It's grandfathered in. If you grew up watching Flash animations.

Otherwise, you're pedophile if you look at Elmo's dick. Even imagining Elmo's dick, pedophile. But I'm saying, okay, you were a young boy, you're watching those zone animations of cyborg railing Raven from Teen Titans, and he used all the clips from the show, so it was like watching the actual show. The black guy? Yeah, Cyborg, the black guy. He went, oh, boo! Because he used all the actual sound clips.

So he'd go, booyah! But then, like, in his animation, like, that was his robot penis coming out, like a special compartment on the front, you know? And then Raven went, I don't know if that, I don't know if we're going to fit. You know, like, he would find the clips that fit the animation. Boia! Boia! Boia!

How long do you watch this? How long is a video is this? Oh, you know, I've watched it a couple. It's a great zone. You don't know, Zone animations? He was one of the original Newgrounds. Oh, he was a class, he did everybody. He did, uh, he did a, what was that, Jenny?

Remember Jenny, my life is a teenage robot, which nobody watched more like, I remember the show. That teenage robot. He made a bunch of porno out of these guys. He made at least one of Jenny, the teenage robot, because that show sucked. You're like, that should, the show should be better and it wasn't. Was it? Is that what it was? No, it was on Cartoon Network. It's for everybody. No, every once in a while they got to throw in a girl show because, like,

Because someone's wife was mad at them. If that was a girl's show, maybe that explains me because that show was dog shit. Yeah. But Jenny, the teenage girl robot. Yeah, this is a girl's show. Okay, but Powerpuff Girls wasn't for girls. It was for pedophiles. Maybe it was, I don't think it was for pedophiles.

Pretty sure. I don't think that's correct. Weird professor. Nobody got off of the Power Pump girls. They're not attractive at all. They're fucking little. It's not about attraction to kids, Vito. It's about power over them.

One time I won, there was a call. I think I told this story. There was a call-in line. I was watching Cartoon Network, and they were like, call it, and you can win a Powerpuff Girls Prize package. And I said, well, I like to win stuff. So I called it. I was 12.

So I called in, but then they sent me stuff, and it was, like, literally for like, it was like a chair, like a fold-out chair for like a six-year-old girl. I was like, I can't. Yeah, I got all this Powerpuff Girl, little girl shit and I was like I can't use any of this I'm not like an action figure something cool an action figure of what blossom

all right mojo joe maybe maybe mojo fight my shira with this bubbles action figure power puff girls is one of the great American franchises the fact that it's been a that franchise has been running the dirt is a tragedy what do you mean run into the dirt it's some fucking kids show

No, it was, that was, it was the perfect mix of like 50s retro nostalgia with the 90s cartoon boom. Like Powerpuff Girls was a perfect show. It hit on all cylinders. It was like, and then they ruined it. It was the first time they'd ever made a show that was targeted purely for soy people. Like, look at this. It's a bunch of little girls. It's like a total turnoff to boys.

This is like a show for adult men. Teenage men who are effeminate. No, no, no, no, no, no. And then Stephen Universe came out of that. Stephen Universe was a big mistake. Stephen Universe is a... This is two on the nose. Well, you know what the real downfall of Cartoon Network was, is that the guy who...

Remember Adventure Time was about a boy and his dog going on cool adventures. Yeah, then women ruined it. Yeah, but you know why is because the guy who made it, that Pendleton Ward guy He went, I'm too sad to make cartoons anymore Yeah, well, get out there. I'm just going to not make cartoons anymore And then they just gave it to a bunch of women

And they were like, hey, what if Finn got cuckolded By everybody on the show and all the girls were lesbians? You're like, uh, this is the worst fucking thing that ever happened What if the Litch was a lesbian? Uh, what if he was a baby? What if, let's have a whole episode about treat trunks was in it. Oh god, yeah, they did. The Lemon grab stuff was a little interesting.

Lemon grab saved. I feel like they put lemon grab in. You know what? If that show had gone in another season, they would have made Lemon Grab take it up the ass. Which Lemon Grab? Regular Lemon Grab or Little Lemon Grab. What? Well, remember there's Lemon Grab who was Justin Royland as the evil

I'm Lemongreligrant. Of course he was. I didn't know that. Yeah, that was Justin Royland. The rapist. But then there was, yeah, no, stop. That's bullshit. He's a kidnapper. It was more correct.

What are you talking about? He was charged with kidnapping because he had a girl in his house and he wouldn't let her leave. Wait, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like his girlfriend, you know, she was like, I'm leaving. Oh, yeah, right. And he's like, someone kept their girlfriend in the house on purpose? Apparently, that's what he was accused of. Yeah.

Point is they had like a little lemon grab. This man is being accused of keeping his wife prisoner. Case dismissed. You say this man kept his wife in his house with him? Was he in another house? No, he was in the house, Your Honor. Oh, case dismissed. Well, the case was dismissed.

That's why when everybody came out against him and they're like, well, don't you know, he kidnapped a lady? I went, him and his girlfriend had a fight. How hot was she? Slamed a door in her face. I don't know. She was probably one of these fucking. L.A. How big were her tits? Her art kids.

I have no way of knowing. I can't possibly... The only thing that matters. I assume... I assume not that big. Then false. Defamatory. False accusation.

Fals accusation. I don't even know where we're at. We were talking about why it's okay to jerk off to adventure time. Dry limes. Is that it? Dry limes. Number two. Dry limes.

That was number two. Embarrassing white supremace? Number three? Was that positive at least? I don't know. I don't copy that line. Surrogacy haters. Your thing with,

your weird thing with your two favorite things, gay shit being crammed in your face and having babies with no mom. Weird. Weird synthesis. That's the ideal situation. You know, you get the mom out of the picture

and you got a perfect kid. Why do you want a perfect kid? Do you think that reflects on you? Who else are we sending to Mars, man? Who gives a fuck about it? Mars. There's going to be a bunch of... That's all that Elon Musk is doing.

We're going to send a bunch of black people up. It'll be... The first ship to Mars will be called the Tuskegee 2. It'll be full of black people. It'll be the Amistad starship. The Amistar. Amistar 1. Amistar 1. I feel like there's

a kernel of a sketch there. That's pretty good. Welcome aboard. Amistar 1. I got to get on first. Man, we're all going to Mars. I got to get on first. I got to get on the Amistar one first. You know it. You know I got to be the one on first.

And the flight attendants are going through going, would you like the chicken or the chicken? There's me that mall of chicken I've been hearing about. Like that? It'd be a little bit like that, yeah. Amistar 1. Coming soon. Amher Star 1, comments soon. Do we have any comments

from the last episode? Monkey 1 says, I'm starting to think the Melanie Mac formula actually works. When Vito drops slurs and K-boms, he's instantly like 100 times cooler than regular Vito. Oh, people were mad at me. What did I say? Oh, when remember I was defending

Chrissy Mayer or whatever? Yeah, you were. And I was like, and they're like, see, Vito's being a pussy, like he's afraid. He, you know, he feuded with Melanie Mac and then he won't, you know, do it anymore. And I go, oh, I just completely forgot I had feuded with Melanie

Mac. All of those, all of those, like, conservative grifter women all merge into one for me. So I went, like, they're all just like kind of an amalgam. I'm like, oh, yeah, Melanie Mac's that one that sucks for this, yeah, like, I kind of can keep track of them, but you were pretty pissed off at her. I don't know if it was a feud, but you were

pretty pissed offender existence. Did she say something shitty about me or something? Oh, it was because she was, like, doing her, like, Bible readings or whatever. Yeah, she still does, does. She pivoted from, yeah, okay. Yeah, Melanie Max Bible study. I want this retarded. You don't know anything about the Bible.

You're a woman. You're not allowed to, even if I wanted to be taught about the Bible, I don't want to be taught about the Bible from a woman who doesn't understand it. What makes you think she doesn't understand the Bible? She's a woman. She can't understand any piece of lore or storytelling. Spreading the word of the Lord. I think if there's one story that women can understand, it's definitely in the Bible,

if there is one. Which, yeah, maybe there's something in there. It's just basic, every story in the Bible is exactly how women tell stories. Like, they start in the middle. There's just way too much information and introduction of people that don't really matter in the story. And then it just ends. It's like, here's a, well, here's stuff I did on the walk to Galilee. Like, all right, and then what?

Well, you know, that's the story. Yeah, I had some olives and then my wife had some olives. And did I tell you about that day? who begat Jerobia, who begat Bielzebub, who begat, uh, Macedonian? There's a lot of begatting. I've noticed. Okay. Okay.

Pretty cool. So anyway, there I was on the, like, fuck, man, you guys been telling stories like this for a long time. You know what the worst thing about the, uh, the Bible guys who tell you how old the world is? Is you know how they, they came up with that number? Uh, how? They went through the Bible and they counted up all the baguats. So they said, well, if David begatted him and he lived 50 years and that begatting him and whatever else, I go, okay, so that's how you got to how old the world is, is math out of the book. But they're like 600 years old, I thought.

Like Noah is like 600 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing is you're going to be like Noah bagat. I think I don't know exactly how they do it. They calculated somehow. But you're telling me those, the guys that are counting up birthdays from the Bible to get how old the universe. have a problem with the Holocaust numbers? I don't know about that one, buddy.

Not everybody, not everybody counting. There's different groups, but yes, that is part of it. You're telling me! Okay, slam jam says, Jesus Christ, Vito was on a tear on this one. I don't know how YouTube lets you guys stay on here. Me either. Mike... Do you want me to watch my language? I'll watch my language. I'm sorry.

Mike, thanks a lot, slam jam. Mike Kaiski says, the quarterings shorts reminds me of Tim Cool's younger brother Reactor. If anyone remembers him. Did you see I posted a short? No. What is it about? It's about magic cards.

Oh. But I got a new shorts format. I think it's exciting and dynamic. Is it about magic cards? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pass. But I need you guys to go watch it and tell me if I edited it in a way that's... Okay, but here's the thing.

Maybe this is my problem On that one Here's my problem I'll cast a pass And a kicker from the graveyard For a double pass But it's gonna lead into my problem So we don't have to watch it

But I'm gonna tell what my problem is I'll summon a casting creature Shut up I'll tap my pass Do you watch these TikTok videos Do you watch these Fucking Instagram shorts? Yeah

Okay Yeah So I go to make one and I put it together because let's be clear, I've learned the art of, you know, how would you say, you know, assembly video editing, not assembly, but like, hey, straightforward a, straightforward a, here's the information presented in a straightforward manner. It's called editing. Yeah, sure.

Linear editing. Yeah, okay. Okay, so I make the video and I go, oh, this is pretty good. And then I go, oh, yeah, I got to add captions now. Because for some reason, when people watch a video, they also need words on the video to remind them. I thought YouTube does that automatically puts the words on. No. Well, you can have auto captions, but here's the thing is all the big guys who make it and get millions of views, they add fucking their own captions, like dynamic fonts and whatever else, right?

Exciting. Exciting reading. Yeah. Right. Okay. So then I'm doing it. And I'm like, well, I'll just put like the words on the screen, like normally, like one after the time. Like, here's a couple things I'm saying, and then here's a couple things.

Pass. Well, yeah, that's the thing. Then I go watch another TikTok. Sacrifice his past. And it's like every fucking word. Add two passes to your pass pool. They go, hey, did you guys hear about what's going on? With Star Wars this week?

Let me tell you about every word he says is going flying at you like a fucking baseball in the head. Oh, that's cool. Okay. How do you read? So I looked at my short. I looked at my short and I was like, yeah, this is pretty good. People will like this. And I watch somebody else's short.

And it's just like, shit. fly every two seconds there's something dropping on the screen and there's subway surfers gameplay on half the bottom of it and they got all these animations and sound effects and whatever else about the game where somebody's spinning a car out and they got to spin the car through like a little town that's all that's really tight like that looks pretty good yeah and the hole's picking up bullets but then the hole's picking up bullets but then the hole gets bigger and it can pick up bombs you know and then it's picking up oh yeah that one's okay and you and you said that in the way a

12-year-old boy definitely would. Yeah, I played that game. That one's pretty good. How about the one? Have you played the game where you're at your parents' house jacking off and you have to stay real quiet and keep the decibel meter real low? Is that a good one? It's a mobile game.

I mean, I play that in real life. I always get that ad. That's a mobile game. Yeah. I have not seen that mobile game. The little guy's like, so I guess my problem is finding the fine line between, between engaging an audience and engaging in horrific, exploitative, attention span, destroying bullshit.

Okay? You're just jealous. You're just jealous that you're embarrassed that you edited your video and you put work into it in a way that was not right. And you should have looked for examples on what is the correct way before you did it. Well, I mean, the more shorts I edit, the more I'll edit. the more I'll add to my graphic package, you know? So I'm starting with a baseline. I think I did okay.

Okay. But I'm going, man, is that like necessary? Like, do I have to have shit flying around the screen and screaming at people? Is that the only way to get views on this shit? None of what you're doing is necessary. It's like totally retarded, like, content. It's just garbage. I agree.

Well, that's the other, that's the other point. It's necessary that I make a video talking about magic. And I spend hours putting us short together. And I watch and I go, well, this is like confidently edited. But I'm about to be 40 and I'm making a video about what magic card does what? It's garbage. Well, because I don't know, man. Don, dong, dong, dong, doink.

Well, okay. But that's the thing is I go, I'm making garbage. And I know I'm making garbage. I'm not proud that I'm making garbage. but when I post the garbage people go, this is great. Can we get more of that garbage? Those are bots.

And I go... Those are bots saying that. Well, they're watching it. I'm getting fucking ad revenue. So I'm going, I don't... Like, I put a... Bot ad. Okay.

Did you see I did a review? I reviewed the new Star Wars movie. No. And back of the day, I would like put effort into it. I thought that was a joke. I thought people were posting that screenshot of you going like, I raped the baby Yoda as a joke. That was not the actual screen.

Well, they took the... screenshot, but they added different words on top of it. I did not say Baby Yoda was infinitely breedable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that in AI, and I fed a thing. You're going like this? screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

But dude, that's the worst thing. As I said, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to put a thumbnail. Here, I'll bring up the thumbnail. Yeah, bring it up. Let's see this video. Yeah. Wait a minute. Yeah, okay. Go for it. Go for it. I'm pulling up these thumbnails. And I'm going, okay, well, I know this is like retarded, but also people are clicking on it. So what am I supposed to do with this? You sound like a guy like at the bus, like singing at the bus stop.

Like yeah, everybody loves it. Like, I guess. I don't, I can't, I can't find the fine line between here's one of me and Ray Skywager here. I'll share this one real quick. Okay. There we go. And this is an AI veto by the way. So that's, which I actually, I think I look like more like Tony from Hack the Movies in this AI thumbnail.

It looks like they, it looks like they mixed me with Tony. It looks like our offshoot brother. What did you tell it? Did you tell it who you were? Did you say like a guy that is upset at Star Wars? And it came up with this. So I fed it, I fed it just a regular picture of me. And I said, make me, here, do you want, do you want me to read the thumbnail description I fed in?

I have it. It can bring it up. The future is grim. The future of what? Star Wars? Yeah, the future of Star Wars is grim. Okay, so I fed it a regular picture of me. Shit.

Should we be? Hold on, it's loading. What should we do? Okay. And let me go down to that specific thumbnail. Is there something I could do to get out in front of it? The future? The future of what?

Of AI, Slock, trash? I don't know. This is. Okay. It's just this thing is telling me that the future is going to be rough. Reuse prompt. Okay. So I fatted a picture of me and I said, create a YouTube thumbnail containing this man,

Italian mid-30s, wearing a hat and glasses, beard and mustache. He should look bored and annoyed and occupy the right side of the thumbnail. Bored and annoyed. That's great. Great. Real exciting stuff for your YouTube. It nailed it. For your thumbnail.

For your thumbnail. Cut out with the people liked it. People clicked on the fucking thing. On the left side of the thumbnail is Ray Scott. Walker looking silly with a white blue outline and glow. The background is space themed, add exciting blue lighting, and leave her in the top left for wording, which it didn't do. Okay.

So that was what I got out of the thumbnail. And this is your job? I made one. Yeah. This is me and Hassan Piker. Okay. I made a video about him today. Oh, because he's getting raped in prison?

Yeah. Oh, did it not show it? Let's see. There you go. There's me and Hassan. Here I don't really look like me at all. But again, I gave it a photo of Hassan. It says Vito on your hat, though.

So it's deviously. You know who it is. Well, I added, yeah, I said, add the words Vito to the hat in a collegiate font. It looks kind of like John Belushi. Kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, hey, it's getting a lot of, and here I am. And I'm upset with Supergirl, who's also looking a little bit of stupid there.

And then I go into my... And this is basically the video as well, right? You looking annoyed and bored and the thing is silly. I go, I can't believe Supergirl stole. It's the worst thing in the world. Ah! Here I am talking about a Pokemon scalping. And I got a...

I made a crying Pikachu there. How do you have the energy to make this garbage and not your comic. This takes two seconds. This takes 15 seconds. There's no way it takes 15 seconds. No way. To make this AI thumbnail?

Yeah, basically. No way. It already has the picture of me. So all I have to do is change Supergirl looking stupid to Pikachu crying and change what it says on the hat. I just changed the fucking hat. And then I said have me holding up Pokemon cards. Look, look at that psychic Pikachu.

And I got a pose a fan. What universe is that? Pikachu. Well, I don't think they're real Pokemon cards. I think that's the point. Because, I mean, look. Pikachu's Lightning. I'm aware.

Why don't you redo the, you can't even redo the, you're telling me you spent all that time on the colors for your comic, but you can't even redo an incorrect Pikachu? I could have redone it, but I think it's funny that it's psychic, so I just left it as psychic. What's funny about a psychic Pikachu? Well, it's interesting. Water would be, a water Pikachu would be funny.

That's another part of my problem. That's funny. That's another part of my problem is if you leave these weird little errors and inconsistencies in, it actually drives engagement. Because that means somebody goes to the comments and they go, psychic Pikachu, haven't seen one of those before, which actually raises the metrics of your fucking video. So we're encouraging people to get shit wrong because it, like,

if you watch some of these videos, society, the social media fucking companies or whatever, People will make videos and they'll say a word, they'll pronounce a word wrong. Because somebody will go into the comments and go, well, actually it's pronounced like this. And it just drives extra engagement. Actually, it's pronounced for good. Actually, it's pronounced for goot. The point is that I don't, I can't, I can't strike a balance between, I, nothing. None of it makes any sense.

Do you think you're like in a gay bathhouse wondering why there's Cox all over? Like, why is, what the hell? Why is there so much cops all over at the game? That's the thing, man. When you, when you, when you get started, you know, when you, when you go, I'm going to create, I'm going to change the game. You know, you show up to YouTube. I'm not going to, I'm not going to make these reaction videos. I'm not going to react to other people's content. I'm not going to just make, read fucking articles or whatever. And you find out, okay, well, there's two options. One is you can spend all your time and effort just making YouTube videos for the end of time. Or you can be, you know, a guy like the quartering or whatever who just sits there and makes dog shit. And I went, well, I think I can at least make funnier dog shit than the quartering, you know? That's not what people want, though. I don't know. They want the words that are flinging at them and going like, do, da, I know.

Well, maybe that is what they want. Maybe they just want, you know, the fucking guy. They want to point out typos and stuff. if I could go back and like start YouTube over, I would just develop like a weird European accent, like PewDie Pie or something. Because that's all people want. They don't actually care about what they're listening to.

They just want to hear a funny voice and see shit on the screen. That's why all the like popular YouTube guys. Like a Muppets. Yeah, yeah. Either A, you can have a billion dollars like Mr. B's. You can crash trains into stuff or B. He has a funny voice though. pie or pyrocynical or any other British

you know or foreign YouTuber who goes Today we're going to play De Moinescraft And look at that Look at all the blocks I got in the Moinescraft And then people go I just like the way this guy talks man I was enjoying even that

Yeah well yeah it's fun and again I should have went into it I should have had a stupid accent the whole fucking time So uh yeah I just make garbage I'm just making garbage Somebody, a YouTuber And you're like, wow What a great person

No Yeah, there you go I mean at this point I'm making the videos Because A I make a little I make a little bit of money It's not the worst

And B there are guys who are like Oh if you know I really like your videos man I wish you would upload more And I'm like yeah I mean it's It's not the worst thing in the world To get up and try to find a fucking topic can just talk about it for 10 minutes. Those are just YouTube bots saying that to you, though.

Those are just YouTube bots. Well, I love the bots. The bots are very supportive. And I do enjoy talking about these things. It's, you know, it's better to talk about them in a podcast format where you're going to bounce them off somebody. But, you know, when I don't have that available to me. Okay, what's so great about whatever you're talking about in your video then?

Star Wars. Yoda. What's so great about Yoda? Or is it bad? I mean, that's the thing, man. I made a review of that Star Wars movie, and it's literally, the first video is 40 minutes of me just talking about the movie

and what I thought about it. And I'm like, oh, this is horrible. No one's going to watch this. Like, there's no graphics or anything on the screen. I guess I did, like, go through,

like, find some pictures of the time, but it's literally just me talking about Star Wars for 40 minutes. And then it got like 10,000 views. And I went, people are watching this? I wouldn't watch this. Why are you watching this? But,

and then I made a second video, which is just me talking about Star Wars for another 40, minutes the same movie. And I got like another 7,000 views. I'm like, all right. I mean, I don't know what, I don't know what people are. I could check the average, but it was like pretty long. It was like shockingly long how long they watched it for. They just love it.

And also, again, I make the screen, I make the, the picture of me screaming at the baby Yoda. And it says, look, reach 5.9% impressions click relate. That's not terrible. an average view duration of 14 minutes and 38 seconds, which is pretty long. That's a long time. Out of a 40-minute video, the average view duration is 15 minutes. That's pretty stellar. So, yeah, I don't know.

I'm making shorts. I'm making... I'm making stuff. Sounds like you're living the dream. I'm living the dream. I just want people to listen to this magic podcast so me and Billy can get invited to all the cool magic stuff. That's the real. That's the real goal. That magic show is not. That's not going to happen. No, it's not happening. What do you mean it's not happening? It's just like, people are over it.

The whole tiers two guys talking about magic. Come on. You're both, you're both very talented, but it's just like, come on, do something, do something good. What's interesting is I have people and they're going, I really like you guys and your dynamic. But this show sucks. I wish we were talking about anything other than magic cards. And I went, yeah, but we want to talk about magic cards. That's fun for us. Why don't you host this show? We did host this show once. It was good. Oh, well, that's what you should do.

I'm thinking about, look, me and Billy, we got a good dynamic going, and down the line, maybe we'll do a second show that isn't about magic. Just stop the one that you're doing. Like, I know you put all the work into those gay videos, like the intro, but you got to just. It didn't take that much work. Well, good. Crap it. Start over. Do something else. Like, do the...

What do you mean? It takes time to build the... What do you mean? Because it's not an instant success. It's got a... It's an instant failure. We're doing fine. Like a rocket exploded. How's it... Why? Because we're not getting in many views as soul ringers. Well, you guys are just very funny guys. And it's like...

You could do a show about child pornography instead of magic. And it would be more popular. Maybe we'll... Maybe me and Billy will do a second show, okay? And then get rid of the magic. Right now. Nobody wants it. Well, if the other show is popular,

nobody wants that stuff. Dude, I think people like it, all right? Magic people like it. The thing is that it's hard to find magic people. They don't know about it. Nah, they don't like it, like it. Like, they like to say they like it. They're saying I should do a food podcast with Billy.

Just, no, no, no. I have a great podcast format. I might pitch it to Billy at some point, but we're going to do the magic show for at least a couple months. Oh, man. We already got one show. You got, like, you have an opportunity right now. Now, for just you two, like, here's us, bam, and you're just blowing it on magic.

Like, ugh, magic. We both like magic, and magic's getting more and more popular. You both like jacking off, too. You could show about that. And also, I'm trying to get a sponsor for the show. If I can get the show to a certain level. Yeah. All right, there's sponsors out there who will send us free magic cards, and how cool would that be?

Not cool. That's all I want. Not cool. I just want free magic. Well, then why's Maddox doing it? Maddox is a genius creator. He's an idiot. He's a fucking idiot.

If he does something, don't do it. Don't immediately do it. Don't do it. Well, let's see how he... Hold on. Can we look at his shorts? Can we see how he's doing shorts real quick? Look at his shorts.

All right? Look at Maddoch's a short. Maybe Maddox can show me how to make better shorts. What's the amount that you would quit doing the magic show with Billy the Fridge and do some other theme of show? Like monthly? Like how many views? What's like... Well, Billy's got to get something.

How many views? What do you mean to get something? Yeah. I thought you were talking about money, you know, because there has to be money for both of us, you know, if we're going to be doing. That show's not making any money, is it? Magic? No, we're not even monetized yet.

We're going to get monetized. What are you going to make? Like, 30 bucks, a show? Look, I don't think... I don't think... I don't know what. Hold on. I think there is room, and nobody wants to talk about magic on the show,

So I'm not going to talk about magic on this show, but I do think there is room in the magic community for a podcast from two guys who got a little bit more of a personality than just, well, I really like my ferry deck because the fairies are flying and they can. No, that's what they thought putting Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football, but it turns out, no, they just want football. You just want magic. I think Maddox is having the same problems I'm having with shorts, though. I bet he is. He is. Well, maybe we can compare and contrast real quick. All right, here's his short.

If you can bring this up real quick. Now, what's interesting is that they take the footage from the show, which is normally green screen and has that cool background. Fire Marshal Bill. And we make shorts. Yeah. Yeah. The green screen is always gone.

And it's just them in a really ugly room with white painted walls. And I go, this is already a visually unappealing short. You know, you want a guy in front of an exciting background. Okay. And you have an exciting background. Why are you not just green screening it? I don't know. All right.

But look, he did that thing where it only can. captions one word at a time. Yeah, it's cool. Pirate font for some reason. Our next top 10 underrated card this week is burn at the stage. Why did he do it so small? Oh, why is the sound so fucked up?

Why? Every time they hit me with the Soul Wringer's like, I'm never I should expect it at this point. I should know it's coming, but it always comes out of nowhere. How is the mix so bad? Our next top 10 underrated card this week is Burn at the steak.

This is, Three red, two other sorcery is an additional cost to cast burn at the stake. Tap any number of untapped creatures you control. Burn at the stake deals damage to target creature or player equal to three times. See, the numbers are popping out. They're just appearing. Chad, this is one of my favorite pet cards. I just discovered it like a few months ago.

Insane. The caption? Why the word's so small? Oh, that's the auto caption, which I should turn off. So you, yeah, you were saying, doesn't it auto-generate? Yeah. So that's you can just have auto captions, but a lot of people, again, this is embedded into the video. Yeah, but why is the word so small? Like, I can barely see that.

I don't know. I don't know what the point of that way. So I won with this card and, uh, against a, my, my, my favorite, my favorite, my favorite commentary on how I won the game is my buddy goes, can you zoom out? Can you just win the normal way? Because why do you always have to win like this? Why do you always have to win some weird? bullshit like this. He goes, you're never winning with like attack, combat damage or just like, you know, well, at least they're having fun and they're happy. Okay, so that was his short.

Now he used that kid. It looks like 17 maybe. Let's see. Okay. Well, how did the, actually, it got, it got like 600 views. I don't know how. 600 views. Yeah, 600 views. Okay, so we go over to Ristic Study Hall and here was my short real quick. finally started dropping spoilers for the Marvel Superhero set. You're doing the same fucking thing. You might want to keep an eye out for. You know, I can't even read that. You know, I can't even read that.

Yes, you can't read this font. No, it goes too fast. At least with one... Listen, no, no, no, listen. So with one word at a time... No, no, you don't understand something. It's way harder for the brain to move the eyes on the screen and read versus just staring in one spot and the single word changes.

That's what you mess. up here. Yeah, I know. So that's what I got to do is I got to do the captions words. But you know how annoying it is to each one? You got to do it. I'm sure I don't know. This looks like I'd rather be in prison than make these videos that you guys have.

It was one damage to target opponents. How are you going to draw card? Well, why not use Mr. Franks has. I can't read that aloud. Read those words out loud. Draw card. Draw card. Where am I getting tokens from? I can read it. The invisible little bit of course. Because she says whenever you put plus one plus one count. There's no way you can read it that fast.

No. Well, I guess actually, I actually do read that fast. No, you don't. You don't read that fast. I genuinely do. No fucking way. Go ahead. Put it on mute and read it.

Put it on mute and read it. Like out loud? What is reading? Yeah. Okay. I'll put it on mute. Go ahead and read it. Invisible woman, of course.

Because she says whenever you put plus and plus one counters on another hero, you get to make a wall token. Where are you getting what plus one plus encounters? From the thing, you idiot. It's clobbering time. Whenever one of more heroes deals damage, the player put two plus and plus counters on the thing. So Johnny Storm deals one damage. The thing gets bigger.

Sue makes a wall and Mr. Fantastic draws a card, which makes Johnny Storm hit your opponent again. And then another counter and another wall in 08. This is a loop. Okay? Yeah, I can read fat. Can't anyone do that? What do you mean?

Yeah, everyone reads at that speed with stuff, something they didn't write. Give me something out. I can read. I always read fast. I read fast. I just go through the words. You don't think that's a problem, though, when other people are trying to consume it?

Well, now I know that. I didn't think about that. I didn't think about how fast people read. Now I know. Okay. All right. So that's good. Look, again, I'm taking feedback.

It's very helpful. How many views do you have? I know. I did all right. Let me check here. I got a one point, almost 2,000 views. Incredible. This is incredible.

So I'm killing it. I'm killing him on the shorts, killing him on the shorts, but I think we're losing on the long form. And it's about three cents per thousand videos or something, or for a thousand views? I think if you get 100,000 views, you make $30. So, yeah. I'm killing it. I don't think you have enough time left to make that a success. On this earth?

Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. You got a divvy up here. time. It's just over. You've got to give up.

Michael Fador said Vidal never worked in Hollywood. K on the Swiss said the most irrelevant human on earth is a super jail guy. I think the point is me and Billy are having fun. I think

we've both suffered a number of traumas and we're just happy to be making something positive in the world. Was Billy the fridge suffered of traumas? He had a big falling out with Loll Cow. So he was on Loll Cow for like a whole year.

Oh, yeah. And then did wings leave the toilet seat up? Whoa! No, it was that Keemstar needed drama for the month. Boogie eats a bug. Whoa! They started saying Billy the Fridge is a woman abuser or whatever. Nice.

Like a lady tried to pour ranch dressing on his head, so he obviously knocked her down. He's like, get the fuck out of here. And they go, oh, Billy hit swim and he's a woman hit her. And I'm like, she was pouring ranch grass. I wouldn't. Uh, no, it's some fat broad. I don't know who the lull cow people are. So he left Lulcow and all the little cows.

It was actually funny. I watched a reaction video of the old cows. They went, wait, we can leave. Like, yeah, motherfucker. You got to take that and then you got to go into the Lulcow 2 podcast. Not Magic the show. podcast. Dude, the worst part about Lol Cow is I called Boogie to get him to do a magic thing with us. Yeah. And he's on the phone. I'm like, hey, what's going on? He goes, I'm burning every bridge with Keemstar.

It's over. You know, I'm taking charge of the show. You know, and you're not pushing me around anymore. He's like, I prayed to God and God told me, you need to stand up for yourself. And I said, I'm going with God. And I went, well, that's great, man. That sounds great. And then a week later, I see, Boogie was bad and we're going to cover him as spaghetti and he's sitting in a kiddie pool being punished with spaghetti and I went well I guess that you got a stand up for yourself thing didn't last that fucking a lot. They should fuck

him up the ass. Every punishment should be someone fucks him the ass, Boogie. I don't understand Boogie. I don't. It's like I don't understand him at all. Well he's 600 pounds. What's there to understand? He's like, doesn't work at anything.

On a private phone call he goes, I'm really going to stand it for myself, whatever else. And I tune in and he's going, I'll cover myself in slime because I need to be punished. I get it. And I'm like, who is this fucking guy? What are the punishments? Anyway,

I've learned a lot. No, I haven't. I don't understand anything. Black Angus Review says I choked when Dick said, I'm Elliot Page. I'm a eunuch. Pilot Grove said, never forget your pre-order for the still under-delivered Superkiller paid for that new camera. of Vito's?

This camera was cheap, actually. Never forget that. The enclave soldier says Vito's problem last week was trans fats, so this week's he buys a camera that turns him into one. Chaos Moss said, someone should take this tech away from Vito

before he goes full-on Buffalo Bill on us. Do you think that, does it make you understand what tipster is going through more after getting that camera that you have that makes you a woman? I understand the body of dysmorphia.

that he's been suffering, yeah. And I understand, you know, some people want to take shortcuts, you know, to, uh... What is the... What is the dysmorphic part that you think he's... You guys are experiencing. Because if you feel negatively about your body, I don't think dysmorphia is causing it.

I don't know exactly what it is. I don't, you know, but it's just, uh... It's just fascinating. It's just, uh, you know, Everyone just wants to be beautiful, right? Isn't that the most important thing? Everybody just wants to be... I guess, or a woman.

Everybody just wants to be beautiful. That's the bottom line. Fork my dongle says, Vito's delusional. Oh, okay. Civil War was absolutely terrible, and everything Dick said is... Oh, that movie. It was blatant that Nick Offerman was Trump after the January 6th stuff.

His character was in a third term. Oh, yeah, okay. I don't. That movie sucked. Darth Dragonborn says, Remember two years ago, and Vito would scoff at the idea that Super Killer would be out a year from then. It's still not out.

Lull. Bruce says, Imagine being a grown man wearing a Star Wars the Force Awakened hat. Obviously got that. That hat was a joke hat. It's not one of my real. It's not like this cool Evangelian head.

Yeah, what's the joke? The joke is that I was at a flea market and I said, hey, there's that hat for that movie I famously hated. Oh. Look at that hat. The joke is that you don't like the movie. That I don't like the movie. Yeah, yeah. It's an irony that I would own merchandise related to it.

Is it? It's a little ironic, don't you think? I, no. When I picture someone who's a super fan of Star Wars and I picture someone who hates it, I picture the same person. It's like rain On your wedding day It's a free ride Uh

Cool as fuck ATF agent Um more stuff about Civil War All right Uh All right Is it your turn for a problem Yeah it was the

Ballot Harvesting And mine was Talking about When are we gonna get When are we gonna get a win Just one For the homies here. He did.

Trump's president. No, we need a real win. I need another one. I needed another win. Hey, what do you think about A, you heard anything about that January 6th fund? What's that? I bushered that word. Trump's fund to everybody who's been victimized.

Hey, wait, you could apply for this maybe. Trump's fund for anyone who's been victimized by leftist policies. He's sending aside $2 billion. Oh, that's not enough. Yeah. That's not enough to even cover me. Yeah, but you got debanked or whatever.

You could apply for that maybe. Yeah. And all the Jan 6 guys are going to apply for it. And all the Rikag, Targo or whatever. Really? What's the application look like? You got to say like, I love Israel and stuff? You didn't hear. And then Gavin Newsom said anyone in California who receives that money will be taxed 100% on it.

You didn't hear that? No. I didn't hear that. that? Gavin Newsom said if anyone gets any money from Trump's freedom fund, we are going to tax it 100% in the state of California. So you're going to have to fight. You're going to have to fight for that money. Shit. Well, that sucks. And right now on Cal She, you can bet on if anyone will actually get the money. So that's how I found out of it coming from. Two billion dollars. Who's putting that money out? Trump's earmarking two billion dollars, just of government

government money? Why only two billion? Why not like a hundred billion? I don't know. Here, I'll try. Well, that sucks. Billion fund. How much is Laura Lumer getting? Probably a lot. Senate rejects an initial attempt.

The anti-weaponization fund. Okay. Okay. So a battle unfolded in the Senate over the Trump administration's controversial $1.8 billion payout fund for people who claimed the government wronged them. Yeah. As Democrats and some Republicans sought to block the fund but fell short after they rejected each other's proposals. Trump's plan for the fund widely seen his way to pay his political allies, including those who participated in the Jan 6th attack on the Capitol.

Yeah. Has created divisions within the Republican Party. Republicans narrowly voted down a Democratic amendment to ban the payout fund. Again, $1.7 billion. Now we're losing $300 million. dollars. Well, the fund has to be approved. And if it's approved, then Trump gets to, you get to, you know, send in a letter.

You get to send you to make your case and go, really? The government did this. Yeah, the government did this much damage to me and this is how much money I want back. And I get a bunch of money. So it's going to be like. Bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like who, uh, rot, not Rospero.

Who's the fucking guy. He's always, Roger Stone. Yeah. Roger Stone would be a guy. So Trump's just going to give it to his buddies. Well, but here's the thing is he's going to have to give a little bit of a regular guy. Like, yeah, most of it's going to go to his buddies. That's what he thought about Israel, but he doesn't.

He was just going to give it to them. Well, okay, but I'm saying you could be one of the smokescreen guys. He's going to give it to E.I.L. Yacov or whatever that guy is on Twitter. Yeah, yeah. And Lor Lumer. Maybe Steve Bannon will get a little bit. And he's got to give a little bit to Guy Slan when she gets out of prison after heardens her.

Guy Slan, probably. Yeah. But other than that, they're going to need some regular guys like you to run cover because you can go, hey, I got $40,000 for Trump. He's that fund is real shit. 40 grand, that's it? I lost more than that. Well, you got to make you, it's that I'm not in charge how much fucking money you get. You got to tell them how much you want.

You're going to make the case for it. What are you going to write? At least, you know, I could get like 20,000. Those Netflix protesters really scared me. Yeah, they fucking attacked us. And the cops didn't help at all. So that's the government hurting me, I think. I think we're owed a little bit of like trauma compensation from that, right?

Yeah. Are you allowed to fill it out if you're black? You know, that would be a question for Donald J. Trump, but I'm sure African Americans can probably get some, you know. Interesting. And if you're Jewish, it's interesting. You don't have to fill out the line for some reason. You don't have to fill out anything.

You just hold your hands out and they shoot a missile full of gold right into it. Yeah, they'll send you a shot. A little drone just drops it off. Okay, here's my second problem. Maybe, wait, maybe it was taking forever to count the, I'll do ballot harvesting, it's fine. Self-serve car wash. You ever use one of those things? Mostly for the vacuum.

The vacuum sucks there. That's what it's supposed to do. Oh, you set me up for that one big time. Come on, baby. This vacuum sucks. Thank you Go ahead What's wrong with the self-serve car wash

Everything man We gotta burn them down like the migrant hotel We gotta burn those self-served car washes down I like that you can Because like if you go through the thing It doesn't get everything If you go through an Automatic car wash

It doesn't you're saying that the self-served one's better The automatic one's bad You're retarded The self-serv one's horrible You need the towels, man. You got to bring your own towels or you buy them there? No, they got the paper towels

to wipe the fucking thing down, don't they? At the self-service car wash? You're going to buy those. Everything's a rip-off there. They've got... Yeah. The hoses are too short. So you've got to ding up your car. You're going around it. They've got all those features, like wax and stuff,

pre-wints, whatever. It makes no sense. I'm not touching the wax. It's too much. What are you supposed to even do with it? Yeah. And the clocks are too fast. They have them juiced up. Have you ever used one when watched the clock, like with another clock? Oh, does it go fast? They got, like, satellite clocks on those things.

They go way too fast. They know it's fun, though. It's not fun. It's not fun. You got a gun that shoots high pressure. I got that at my house. You got another gun that shoots suds and go, wu-whu-whu-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-m. It should be fun, but it's not.

It's not silly at all. It could be more fun. I'm not going to lie. It's like, when then the soap comes out of the brush, it's like gross. It's like, ugh, like you're coming out of, like leaking out a little bit. It is a little, it is gross, yeah. I'm not going to claim that I've gotten my, I'm not washing my shipbox car that often, but the times that I have done it, you know, I remember having fun spraying that hose.

It should be fun. It should be a festive atmosphere there. They should be serving some drinks, but it's just. Serving drinks would be... You know what? You got a good business plan there. I'm not going to lie. The water is free.

They're not... You know, they could give you as much water as they want. They don't got to put you on, like, a spa timer and count it down. It was Dick and Masterson soap and suds. Okay? Where you're soap in the car and you're drinking a beer. Bring your own soap. That's what mine would be.

B-Y-O-S. B-Y-O-S. It would be the... Hassan's getting raped in prison car wash. I don't think that's a good bitch. Free air freshener of Hassan getting ass raped. Free air freshener on the way out. Well, they could have different color soaps, you know,

as you get to do one side in the pink soap and the other side in the blue side. You can have a soap war, you know, so you could get the most soap. Put some windows in so I can see, pick up some techniques. I feel like I'm in an Auschwitz in those things with the bricks going up on both sides. I can't see anything. Give me some. How come they've never had like a naked lady car wash? Because they're shysters.

Okay. You know how Japan, Japan has the soap land, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know about that. Okay. And the soap land is, you know, a lady covered in soap, rubs herself all over you. Well, what if instead she was rolling herself all over your filthy car? Well, you just get to sit in there and drink.

Carwashes. Did everyone, did all of them get too fat and black to have those anymore? And they were denting cars? Yeah. I don't think you can find a bikini lady anymore. Not one to work for a low wage. Yeah. That's just the same thing that happened to Hooters

You go on to Hooters You go, oh, everything's kind of fat now No tits and fat Asian Yeah, great So did your car end up getting washed? Just Like half of it

Because I ran out of money How'd you run out of money Is it only take coins? Because the thing counts down Like Goes down So pull more money in the fucking thing Then you're stuck like

Oh fuck If I wash If I scrub it properly I'm not gonna have enough time To rinse it off So I have to like stop. I have to wash only what's critical. Like the window, maybe the front, and stuff just gets left off.

It's a nightmare. Well, just don't get your car dirty. I'm trying not to do. Watch your car at home. How dirty is your car getting? Because I want to get out of the house, you know, go for a drive. Yeah, you want to go, you want to really go run around and have a good time. Do some chores. stuff, you know? I think that

why didn't even got the walls up? Just make the hoses come out of the ground so everybody can just hang around. Do a little shoot each other with the hose, you know? It's just like a cubicle. It sucks. If they made it like a group activity, if they made it like a thing where you go, hey, we're all

going to take our cars. Singles night. It's a car wash. We're all going to the car wash. Yeah. It's cool. And they got drinks and it's going to, yeah. Yeah. And you're like encouraged. You're courage to blast other people's cars and they're like, hey, who are you going? And they blast you back. Charge even more to keep the degenerates out.

If you do a really good job washing your car on the way out, they give you prize tickets, which you can spend on a prize wall. It's like a Davein busters of car washes. And you try to rest the hose on something and it's like, this hose is too stiff to put it back in the thing. Like you put it back and it's all getting all over you. It's gross. It's gross I have a lot of experience with the Air machine putting air in your tires

at the gas station Another's too short of hose That one's too short of hose God And there's always some fucking bum Sitting there watching And you know what it is You know like

I think legally they have to like provide air for free Yeah I always do that Yeah so you have to like go in and like You just go hey can you turn on the air and the guy will turn it on for you. Don't even ask can to say turn on the air. Right now. Well, that's the thing is sometimes I go in, I go, hey, I need some air.

And the guy, like, kind of rolls his eyes a little bit. Like, you wanted me to pay the fucking dollar or whatever. And I'm like, well, yeah, but it's free. It's air. It's, you know, I'm paying you guys in gas. I can you $80 in gas every now at a fucking gas. Yeah, I'm not putting the hose at my ass to get high or whatever. Are you playing the toys out there?

You have, like, a windmill, and you're playing with it? I'm blowing up all. my inflatable my little pony action toys. Why is he rolling his eyes? One button. Press one button. I don't know, man.

It's like, it's like it's a real, it's a real fucking inconvenience for that guy to turn that fucking air thing on. I know. They're all like that too. We give them all this money

to come into the country buy our businesses. And they give us this attitude. They want, I think he wants a tip or something. Yeah, he's like, you're not going to buy cigarettes. You're not going to buy pick feet?

You're not going to buy lottery tickets? I go, no, I need air for the cars. You buy Scratcher. The worst one was my, I went to get air, and I was talking on the phone, and I didn't realize I had turned my ignition off, and then my car battery died because I was on the phone for too long. So then I had to go in there, and I said, hey, can somebody give me a jump or something?

He's like, oh, you know, and then I turned into a whole fucking debacle, where I'm like, well, I'm trapped in your parking lot, and I'm blocking the air thing now. How long were you on your phone that your battery died? I don't know, man. It was really weird. So I couldn't have been... You were you on a car phone?

Maybe my battery's fucked. I don't know. When was that? It couldn't have been more in like 20 minutes. Your battery's dead. You need to get a new battery. Yeah. I might need to get a new battery.

So that's... You have a warranty in your battery? Yeah, I think because AAA gave me the battery, I think that's... Well, I got to look forward. Maybe your alternator's dead. I got bad news for you. It's going to be expensive. You're going to need a lot of magic shorts to pull out of this one.

I got another problem that reminds me of is something that is just the right amount of inconvenient that you know you're not going to fix it anytime soon. So my car window stopped going up and down. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, fuck, how do I fix that? And then I went online and they go, oh, this happens with the Honda element is it's the fucking actual. arm or whatever. So you got to unbolt the whole fucking car door. You got to get that part.

You got to take the whole fucking thing I have. You got to put the new one in. And don't break your window. And then I went and don't break your window. And I said, well, can I take a piece of a packing tape and just use it to keep the window in place? And they said, yeah, you can do that. And I'm like, yeah, I, you know, I guess I'm going to do that for now.

And I'm looking at it and I'm going, you're never going to fix this window. It's going to be like this for years. Either A, and now I'm going, all right, do I just pay a guy to fix it? Yeah. Because I could still drive around. Yeah, I'm just going to pay a guy to fix it. To fix it. But then you're going to take your own door off?

Yeah, I was. You should take the door off. Do it yourself. I mean, I looked at the fucking video of how to do it. You should do it. I could do it. The problem is, okay, taking the thing apart is always easy. Yeah.

The second, the second you got to put it back together. You go, ah. Fuck this shit. Perhaps it's because you think taking a part is easy is why it's difficult putting it back together. Taking a part is easy. Just take the screws out and you put them fucking wherever. Man, putting it together so hard. So for the past month, I've just been riding around with my car window stuck in place with a piece of masking tape going, I'll get to it eventually.

Not masks. Fucking, you know, like packing tape. So, yeah. So basically, so on one side of the window is the packet tape and then it goes over the door jam and it connects to the other part of the window. And it's just enough tension to keep it in place. What happens if it breaks? If the tape breaks, the window will just slowly sag into the door. And then I have to grab it with both hands and I got to pull it back up.

Does it go all the way in? It doesn't go. It hasn't gone all the way in. If it went all the way in, I think I could still get it with my place. my fingertips. Like it wouldn't be trapped there. So you've saved it before? What do you mean I've saved it before? Like did you come out one day and it was our, your window was down? Yeah, I came out. My window was down. I said, oh, what the fuck's going on? And then, oh no. No, here's what happened. I was driving. I lowered my window. And then I went to raise it back up and I hear

Kachuk. And I went, ah, that's my favorite noise. What if you had like a pulley on the top of your car? Well, that's the thing is I go. So there should be a manual thing that says if the electronic things breaks, you could use the fucking pole string or something. Like, there should be an alternate thing. Those stupid designers, they should put manual backups for all these electrical systems. Like, there should be a foot pedal. I used to have the fucking car window with the crank and it was good for your fucking arm. It was good for your stamina or whatever.

I don't think the crank ever breaks. Those crank break. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure they break when they break as often as the fucking. electrical pulley system that's in there? I don't have any figures on that. I don't think. Probably not. Probably not.

And then you're watching videos of a guy and he goes, oh, this is easy. This is easy. It'll just take you four hours and all these fucking tools. And I go, that's not easy. That's definitely hard and annoying and stupid. You should do it, though. I'll pay a guy. You got to really, if you want to own your car,

you've got to work on it. But the problem is, then you got to, dude, bringing your car into your work done. Then you're like, right, now I've got to go home. You know, and I got to wait around. And then, like, you'll be at home and you go, I should go out and do a cool thing.

And you go, can't, because my car is a little fucking place. I got to go. I got to go to the sex club right now. I got to go do all my cool sex stuff. Yeah. And I can't. And it's the worst.

Yeah. I have some problems like that. I think that it's basically just my whole life. is those problems now stacked in a never in a list that never gets smaller it only gets bigger and then at some point i'm going to say oh shit the list probably already is so big that i'll just i can point to the one that i'm never going to do when i'm dead like this list is already too big yeah taxes i might do those i'll probably get to those but everything below this point's never going to get done i definitely have some projects or whatever i go i don't know if i'm ever going to

get, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I'm ever going to fix that molding. Probably not. I would probably be here for a while. I don't know if I'm going to fix the sewer. Probably not. Probably we'll be here for a while.

And then you watch like a, and then you get a fucking Instagram video where a lady goes, watch us turn this attic into a playroom for our child. And they're ripping out beams and they're cutting custom fucking, uh, what do you call it? Cabinets and shit. And I go,

oh my God. I know. How are you doing this? This seems like fucking, they cut a hole in the, in the roof and they install a sky window that when you push it out, it forms a balcony. And I went, how? How? How are you? I got a buddy who's building, I have a buddy who's building his own house.

I hate that. I really hate building your own house. What do you mean you hate, like you hate that concept of it or guys who do it? People who do it. I hate that it's being done. It's like that and like climbing mountains. It really annoys me when I hear about it. Well, I hear it and I'm like, are you insane?

What do you mean you're building your own house? And I mean, this is the one guy who I go, well, I guess his whole life is building shit out of woods. So I guess this is like the ultimate thing for him. I guess. Like his day job. His day job is he's like works in like a furniture store, like a fancy one. He works in a furniture store? He makes like fancy wooden shit for like rich people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He works and he makes custom. It's like, oh, you love your job so much. You're going to do more of your job on the weekend. Like, okay, cool, dude. Well, he did just get divorced with his wife. And it will be great. Maybe it's a good divorce cope strategy.

I don't know. I don't have I feel about the pain. Think about the pain if I'm just making shit out of wood. Hopefully he vets up his house. Like his marriage. Well, every time I talk to him, he goes, yeah, you know, so I had to get this wood from Indonesia because you can't get it from wherever anymore, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I go, hey, you know, you can hire another guy to do it, right?

I'm like, why don't you hire some guys to do that? He goes, you know, and then me and my buddy, we got to pour the foundation. So I had to get a book on how to pour a foundation. I'm like, maybe just pay a guy to fucking pour the foundation. That might be interesting. Does he know about your comic that you're making? Is he? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he goes, who's going to hire another guy to make that? Who's going to get there's done first? I think he's going to get, he'll get the house done. first. That'll be easy compared to the laborious hercillion, Sisyphician task. It's got like, of making a comic book. It's like a square and then it's got a little door and then it's got a window with a little cross through it and then it's got the roof. That's it. Piece of cake, right? Piece of cake. Simple. Simple. You don't got a, here the thing is you don't got to color a house. So it's, it's basically already done.

Is he going to color the house? Are you going to get in there with your monitor? I think he'll probably paint it. He might paint it. Yeah, well, I might have dyes on the colors. I got one other problem for you, Dick. What? That's four problems.

Shut up. Real quick, share my screen, Dick. I have a video that I'd like to play. This is the future of American entrepreneurship. Yeah, yeah. Watermelons? Pineapples.

You said it? Watermelons. I mean, it's watermelon flavored pineapple, which is... Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Yeah, yeah, try to put on high speed. That's there, right? So all these individuals are currently purchasing out of a large igloo cooler, jars of pineapple filled with Kool-Aid.

Yeah. That's it. That's the pro. They didn't have any cash? No, I think they're all fed. Are you all using zell to buy pineapples? The point I have a couple different approaches to come at this one. I wasn't sure exactly what I'm so upset about.

There's a couple different things. They, you're paying for it? I think, well, yeah, obviously I'm paying for it. Yeah, it's my tax money going towards it. But it would be fine if it was going towards like some fine cuisine, some fine cuisine, some fine You know, like, hey, this is some real, you know, we always talk about America's a melting pot. You know, you can get authentic tacos, so it justifies all this immigration and crossbreeding and whatever else. So I guess my problem is soul food where, for some reason.

This is a whole problem. We already did four problems. That's it. It's not do it another week. You're always trying to cram problems in. My problem is pineapples. Sugary pineapples. Who gives a shit?

There you go. Let's do super chats. Pineapples. Can't be cramps. cramming these, you can't be cramming, stuff and problems in. We can't, run long. I mean, that would be the worst thing. Yeah, I can't do a long show.

Uh, all right. I got it. I hear you. Atari fan that says it's not soul food. I'm pretty sure if black people make it, it's soul food, right? Yeah. It's from the soul. That's why it's, it fucking candy dams with fucking, well, is like, you can't cram in a problem

at the last minute. Eh, well. Uh, I just wanted to talk. about how... The Alpha Plum. Pineapple is already good. Hey Dick, it's me, Balder. Look, I'm desperate at this point, and 50 bucks.

There's a lot of money for a bartender. Please, please, please let me back into your server. It's all my fault. Did he donate $50? Tick-Tac is innocent. I'm especially sorry to Johnson Brown. All right. I'll ask them to let you back in if that's the real balder.

The Alpha Plum. 50 bucks. It seems to be him. Does Psych. Oh, no, this is Deskic. Sikeske-Cay- All right, I'm gonna have to... What the hell is going on here?

I'm gonna have to research this. He's got videos of me. I'm here. How? Wait, where? I don't know. On his thing. Desquis-Shen-Kin-Uske. Koofer 2.

Thank you for not killing yourselves. You're welcome. Balder for 2. Deka, you traitor or swine. You should not ban Balder from your Discord. He's really desperate. He keeps asking for it. This is some kind of a hoax that they're doing.

Oh, wait, there's a different boulder? Okay. Lots of boulders. P.S. I'm jealous of Johnson Brown. A guy for 10. Hey, huge fan of the show. I'm just getting out of a 19-month coma. Just wanted to check in on where I can find my copy of Super Killer I bought

and ask how much weight veto lost. Well, you got two great answers for you. Mr. Poop snorkel for two, Brain Dead Vito. Got two says, Brick by brick. The Pope for ten says shout out for a quick prayer. We thought we lost shoebox the other day, but after many hours, we finally found him asleep standing above the toilet.

Close call. Cardinal Bird for five, Vito with the Gooner Ball Knowledge. Riku for five. Don't forget the zone animation with Blue and Frankie from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Yeah, didn't Bluey fuck this shit out of? Frankie was a good-looking gal. I can't lie. Agnostic Ouzumachimaki for two.

Vito be like, they ruined my baby show, angry face. Yeah. Quisler for five, Vito, please show me your pen 15. Otfart, Dinglelord, for two, says, where's super killer? Where is it? Stu K for two says, they're letting a woman write God of War. I thought she already wrote it, but she's not there anymore. Get out of here.

I mean, nobody's playing. I haven't even played those God of War games, the new ones. The original one was a big buff guy fucking chicks and fighting guy. And now he's got, like, a kid. And he's running around the woods. He's going, you got to learn about how to be a man. I got to teach you how to be a man because you're just a boy. And I'm going to teach you how to be a man.

And I'm like, this sucks. I tried playing it for like two seconds. Shoebox for 10. Dick, please let me want to play a video game about being a dad. It's not. I don't think they do. No, I'm trying to think of any video game. That's why the Japanese, every video game you play,

you're a 15-year-old boy who looks like a girl running around and going, I'm on an adventure and every day is mad. I'm Link and I'm going to get the princess. At no point in the Link say, we should make a child. I will put a child inside you. Let's have a baby and raise it. Let's have a baby. Awesome, I'll take a break from having a baby and raising it to play this fucking baby simulator.

This is great. When a baby shows up in Mario, no parents anywhere. You got baby Peach riding a go-cart. You got baby Mario being saved by Yoshis. At no point does the dad. show up and go, oh, hey, Yoshi, thanks for saving my son. I got to teach him how to be a boy.

Teach him how to be a morn. Justin Brideck for two. I'm surprised he's actually a show tonight, yes. Dick, please let Boulder back in the TDS. He's been crying about being banned for weeks, and it's honestly embarrassing, but he's all he's got, I guess. And before they say, I poop standing up, I don't. Well, it's two sides.

Last week, I was recording a comedy spectacular. How many views is I going to get? Jay Johnston. Oh. Who's a cool guy. Him and Carl. You know Carl.

Yeah. Where is it going? Me, me, Carl, and Jay. I have no fucking idea. I don't actually know. Oh. Well, good luck. But I got a little roped into it.

And I was like, yeah, can I get out of this? And they're like, well, we already got a director and a guy showing up. And no. And I'm like, okay. God damn it. Why are you giving this big explanation? Well, because it was just one of those things where I'm like, I didn't want to miss the show, but I was like, I didn't know it was happening because they were like, he's like, hey, can you film on Thursday?

And I'm like, I don't know, probably not or something. And then somehow it got away from me. He's like, all right, so we're locked in. I didn't hear anything from him for like a week. And then on Wednesday he goes, okay, we're all locked in for tomorrow. And I go, wait, what's happening? This is happening? I said maybe I could fucking do it.

And then he's like, well, we already got a director. What's the problem? Why are you like trying to pretend like you got roped in? Because I tried to get out of it. I was like, I'm like, I listen. Because I was like, because I knew I was, I didn't want to miss another fucking show. So I was like, I don't know, man. Can you get anybody else?

And he's like, I don't think so, man. It's like last minute. I'm like, where are we going to find? Where are we going to find a fat guy? Another fat idiot. What was your role? Maybe he could have found. I mean, I was the role.

boss. I was the foreman on the work site. I was the nerdy. Well, not foreman. Jay and, I don't want to spoil it. I can't spoil it. But basically it's a construction scenario. And I showed up with a clipboard going, hey, you keep doing construction. Yeah. It's a sketch kind of. Yeah. You're already kind of spoiling something saying it's a sketch, though, aren't you? Well, I don't know if it's a sketch. That's why I'm confused. You were in it. Yeah, that's what I still... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't know if it's part... Is this you saying... I don't know if it's part of a larger thing. Didn't you say this was a filming obligation? Didn't you tell everybody you had a filming obligation?

And that's what this is? Well, it became an obligation because he sent me a message. He said, hey, can you do me this favor and be in this thing? And I said, maybe. And then he didn't say anything for like a week. And I'm like, oh, well, I guess that thing's not happening. I said, you know, it would be better if we could do it next week or any day. other than Thursday.

And then on Wednesday, I get a thing. Why would you make these guys change their schedule for you? I didn't. But why would you even suggested?

Because I was just telling them, I'm like, well, it's not, I don't think I can do that day. And then he's like, okay, we're locked in on fucking Wednesday. And I'm like, okay, or Thursday.

And I'm like, ah, can you, I'm like, I really don't think I can do it. And he's like, you know, but then I felt really bad

because I'm like, you can either do it or you can't. Like, what do you mean? What do you mean? Are you, Is this what you told them? Some version of like, oh, geez.

Oh, geez. If I did it, I had to, if I did it, I was going to have to miss the show. So I had to miss the show to do the thing. And I did. Why are you phrasing it like this, though? You just skipped the show to shoot a thing with Jay and Carl. With Jay and Carl, yes. But why does it have this big explanation?

Like, they tricked you somehow. Why are you blaming them for it? Because I normally would have said, no, I got to do the show. What do you mean normally? You've canceled all? You've canceled to do PCA. What are you talking about normally? I didn't, I didn't cancel to do PKA, but we're not going to argue about that.

I said I was doing PCA. I didn't say I was canceling the show to do PKK, but that's a whole other fucking thing. Why do you care, though? Because I don't want to miss episodes of the show. People pay money for the show. But you just did. Why are you pretending you don't want to miss it? You just said, I'm going to do something else instead of the show.

And now you're trying to blame Jay and Carl, it. Like they sprung it on you. I'm not well they just kind of said. Well Carl didn't spring it on me. I guarantee you didn't say no I can't do Thursday. It was it was a miscommunication thing where I thought it wasn't happening.

Why did they think it wasn't happening? Why did they think you were doing it then? I don't know. I'd have to read the text for it and see exactly what was said but I was like because I didn't hear anything from them for a week. So I was like oh it's probably not happening. A week. Wow. Yeah. And then the day and then the day ahead of the day before.

They're like, okay, we're all locked to do that thing. Like, what would you have heard? Hey, we're going to do it on Thursday? Hey, we're on to do this thing. Like, I didn't know, I didn't know what the scale of the production was. Like, he had a fucking director and like a camera guy or whatever. He's a famous, world famous actor.

I didn't know if he just wanted to fuck around in the woods and shoot shit in the woods. I didn't know what the fuck was going on. People value their own time. They're trying to like build something and make. I get it. I didn't. Well, sometimes when you, you know, sometimes you just fuck around filming shit. I don't know.

Not as an adult. no. That's like a kid stuff. Fair enough. Yeah. All right. Well, this was an adult production and I participated. And it was good. And I'm glad I did it. And I wish it wasn't on Thursday. But why are you like trying to, why are you trying to shift the blame of you just to doing something else onto them? Because a lot of people are going, oh, Vito, got, gets offered this thing. He goes, yeah, I'm not doing anything on Thursday. No, Thursdays don't fucking matter to me at all. I'll do anything.

thing on a Thursday. And it really was me being like, ah, shit, I'm going to miss the fucking show. I should have communicated better and not gotten myself into this situation where I'm... But you don't think that. You'd prefer to do that. Vito, you obviously would prefer to do that than do the show on Thursday.

I would prefer to do it, but I would not, but I'm not going to, I don't want to skip the show. But you do, obviously. You obviously want to do that over this. But that's like saying you'd rather eat ice cream and go to the dentist. Right.

Yeah. But you got to go to the dentist. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to. In this show, this show is going to the dentist and filming with Jay and Carl in the woods is eating a delicious candy apple. Okay. And I should have went to the dentist.

But I. Like, why are you saying they tricked you into it? I'm saying, I should. Honestly, it sounds like scheduling with you to be a fucking nightmare if this is even your description of the process of schedule. I agree. Obviously scheduling with me as a nightmare. I'm not normally in a.

lot of stuff. I don't normally go, oh, what's the call time? 8 a.m. Yeah, I can't wait to get to your fucking house in the fucking canyon in the nowhere. When did you start mainlining? When did you start doing concerta on the day of the shoot to wake up at 8 in the morning? I haven't taken concert in fucking months. Anyway, uh, I should have took some probably. It probably would have woke me up. That's a good point. Uh, so yeah, whatever. I didn't, I, I would have rather, yes, this was a fun thing to do. Why why are you even bringing it up?

I just wanted people to know why there wasn't a show last week. It's my fault. Because you had something better to do. It's not better, it's different. You had something more important to do. No, it's definitely not more important. It is on a level of importance. This show

is more important than a random thing I'm filming with some guys. It was a very cool opportunity. you know, when I got to hang out with Carl, we had fun. And then Carl kept saying the N-word. And I kept going, hey, man, I know, like, we're cool, but, like, I don't know if the director or whatever is. What do you care? I was like, maybe tone it down a little bit.

Why? I don't know. Carl just, I'm like, maybe we don't have to be yelling in the middle of the woods. And, you see what all the N-words are doing on TV this week? And I go, you know, there's a lot of neighbors around. Have you seen them? Have you seen what they're doing? I have seen what they're doing.

and we did discuss it, but I did go, all right, just keep your fucking voice down. Okay, so you didn't even want to be there. You would have rather done the show, but Carl and Jay mixed you up. Carl and Jay forced me. They got all in my head, man. They somehow conned you into showing up. No, I had fun. I went, I got a costume.

I mean, you had fun. Who's asking? I think people want to know that I had fun. I think a lot of people are going, well, I hope you have a lot of people. at fun. I think somebody's saying that right now. They're going, I hope you had fun. Anyway, I look forward to to seeing this thing that I filmed for

a full day and I still don't understand what it was. Justin Brodick said I'm surprised there's actually a show tonight. Well, nobody wants there to be a show more than Vito. I think that's why I brought it up is because I read that superchit.

Christian for, you wanted to get in front of it? I thought I, did I not read it. No, I was reading it and then you told me to go back and read Shobox Kingdom. I'm not getting in front of it. I see. Christian for five. How did you suffer trauma veto? You stole like a hundred grand from people. More than a hundred grand. It was like 120. I thought you had to pay your artist. Honestly, yeah, I don't know, most of that goes back into making more stuff because that guy's still getting paid.

What is he getting paid for? Well, he's drawn the second one. Oh, God. Just use AI. Nah. Maybe for the third one. Cody Titus for five says Billy dies of a heart attack before any of these shorts make $30. That is a concern. I'd love Billy, but every like every like six months I feel I go on Twitter and it's a picture of him in the hospital going, I had another heart attack.

I go, hey, Billy, I'm trying to put a show together. Come on. Vinnie Sarcovigus for two. Happy Pride to Richard. LJ. Claverino Wait, Pigeon for five says Boogie is you in five years, Vito.

Biggie is you in five years. Wait. Boogie is you in five years. Wouldn't, doesn't you mean Vito, you are boogie in five years? I mean. I think you got it backwards.

The communication. Who's doing better? Pigeon you miscommunicated it. Yeah. Wait. Are you saying it would be bad for Boogie to become Vito? Or would it be bad for Vito to become boogie? I don't understand.

than you. Boogie's way worse. I think so. Vinnie sarcophagus for two, happy pride to Richard. I mean, Boogie, I still think I have a chance to get a little bit healthy.

No. Boogie's, bogeys, yeah, a little bit. No. I'm not, I've never been, I have never been as big as boogie,

dude. Boogie's like 400 fucking pounds. Yeah, but you said you have a chance to get healthy. Yeah. No. All right.

How would that happen? How would that even happen? Hard work and tenacious attitude. Oh, okay. Eating right. Bookie could get healthy too then. Well, he has been losing weight, so. So you're both of you guys doing great.

We're both killing it. We're both killing it. L.J. Claverino is the biggest problem is rats eating from my bird feeders. I bought a pellet gun. Shindler's List window scene. Nice. That's fun. Biggers are five. Some gas stations have even outsourced the air. machine you have to call it number to turn it on.

Fast fat guy for five. Does Vito's booty have another signed Guy as cradle? I don't know. It's right. Sarah Gardner for five. Vito, I don't know how much they charge in the U.S. when I had to fix my car window, they charge almost $400. See, I am worried they're going to like

charge a shit ton, but whatever. Maybe I just got to pay it. Hey, go. Okay, here's another problem. Do car guys get mad if you bring them the part? Because I feel like they're annoyed when you bring them the part. I've never tried that. I've done it, and then I got a lecture from the guy about how I got a substandard part.

And then that part I got has been working for the past 10 fucking years. So I'm like, what are you fucking substandard part, retard? Fine. Yeah. I don't know. I guess you got to ask him. You go, hey, if I got this part, can you install it? That's the phone call.

Yeah, I guess so. You go, hey, I bought the part, but I don't have time to install it. Can you guys install it for me? Hey, go for five. Just got here. Do we talk about bricks and minifigs? that's another problem. Not caring about Legos that much.

I'm like, well, I guess it's an interesting story, but I don't understand why it's... I don't know. I don't know what that is. It's complicated. Matt Sefer 2 says, not going to lie. I kind of want to try ghetto potion. Is that what they call the pineapple thing?

The point... No, they just call it like Kool-Aid pineapples. Oh. And also, pineapple is just already tasty. Why would you add anything to pineapple? Sweetened it up. Sweeten that shit up? No.

Do you eat pineapple? Not all the time. It's a little tart, though. When you get it, do you ever go, I wish this was soaking in sugar water? More sugar water than it already comes in? I might now. Pitching for five. Finally, if you know his problem is black people.

L.J. Collaborina for five, why did Instagram remove Palm Beach Pete Gifts from the comments? Good question. Good question. I don't know who that is. I don't know who is. Who is that? Pull the string. Good question.

Alex Riner for five. Everyone have a drink for me tonight. I'm officially one year. sober drink, Alex, in memory of of pride. It's Pride month. How could you be sober at a time like this? I can't wait for my grandkid to read Super Killer

2. Me either. Guys, vote on all the problems at biggest problem.com. Bonus episode will be coming at some point. Yeah, some point. If you have an idea for a bonus episode topic, please leave a comment and let us know. Don't forget

to check out my new Magic Gathering podcast. Ristic Study Hall. Go to YouTube type in Ristic Study Hall. You check out the Dick Show on Sundays. Don't plug me. That's enough plugs. All right, goodbye, everybody. Dick's new hair stuff is available at all men's retailers nationwide.

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