The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 231

Episode Date: June 21, 2026

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Shit, shit, shit, shit. There. Damn it. How's it going? That's all right. Best problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from ballots appearing after election has passed to the countdown at the car wash running to. Fast. I'm your host Dick Masters and joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi. Fucking car washes, man. What's up, man? What's up, man? What's up? What's been going on? My neighbor spends about three hours washing his car on Sunday. God damn it. Why don't you get one that just ends?

Well, it does end, but it's this stupid, like, background music thing that it plays in a loop. Can she just play it as a one-time sting so it doesn't a loop? It's not a thing? Yeah, but I always forget by the end of the show. I get it. I forget. I forget by the end of the show. Like right now, I'm looking forward to I'm distracted. I can't do it. What did I do this week?

The new Marvel magic cards are coming out. What did I do this week? Preoccupied. This is you talking to yourself. I've been buying Marvel Magic cards. Well, you ask me how I'm doing it. I'm trying to think if I did anything fun. Hey, what did I do? What did I do this week? Me? Happy Friday. Yeah, happy Friday.

Happy, well, happy Thursday. day. Tomorrow is Friday. That was punished action that came up with that one. Oh. Ballots appearing after the election is passed to the countdown at the car wash running too fast. That was punished action.

I've been trying to figure out how to effectively make clips with AI, which is the most annoying thing in the world. I doubt it. Probably making the clips is more annoying. Well, what do you mean? You doubt it. You doubt what? I doubt using an AI machine where you just type in sentences.

To make your clips is more annoying than making the clips. It's one of these things where I go, you're right there. You know, you're right there in making a technology that would be useful. So I can upload three hours of me and Billy talking to each other and the AI scrubs through it. He goes, I thought this might be an interesting clip. And I go, oh, that is an interesting clip. He goes, yeah, yeah. And then I cut to your hand for 30 seconds of it, just your hand is not moving.

And I go, hey, can you just kept it on my face or something? That's it. Not good enough. Send it back. Send it back, man. That's just not up to your standards. Well, I'm like, why are you making these insane cuts? That's what you got to ask.

Why are they making insane cuts? Because remember, what was it? Last week or two weeks ago, I was making the clips myself, and you told me the words were too fast or some dog shit. The words were way too fast, you can't read them. You can only read them because you spoke them. How do you read them if it's two words on the, that makes it? I mean, I know they have that thing.

Have you seen that thing where, like, you can read a book? at like a million miles per second if it's just flashing each word one at a time. Yeah. Yeah. Do that. That's fucking weird. I don't know, man. I find it weird.

I don't like reading the short man. What are you even making it for? Like, what's the short for? I am stealing from Maddox, though. I'm not going to lie. I look at the Soul Ringers' thumbnails and I go, these are pretty... He changed the logo again! He keeps doing it.

What is it now? Now it's just an asshole? I'm going to show you. Some orcs asshole? No, like every week. Before it's at Soul Ringers real big. Now it's Soul Ringers with a... Well, this is actually worse, I think, than the last one he had.

Because now it's Soul Ringers, but you got all this dead space that's not being used. But then I saw... Oh, and he's testing alternate thumbnails. Because when I saw this thumbnail, it had a white to yellow to blue shift. Now he's testing a green to purple shift. Can you zoom in on his face? Can you zoom in on his head there? Let me get in there.

Because I saw, is it good or hot gar? How close can I get? There we go. He's a happy boy. Well, because I saw this and I said, well, that is a pretty effective thumbnail. I'm not going to lie. So over on my channel, I just stole it. And let's see.

What else are you searching for there? You popped your search up for a second. Well, I'm searching for all sorts of stuff. But I took the blue shift. Which commander is best? See, I stole. The wrist is steady hell. You're making the same dog shit.

You guys are making the same dog shit. Yeah, but I did AI. They actually dressed up. I just plugged us into the machine, and I said, make a billy with the Wolverine Clause. Maybe that's why. They are killed. Yeah, they are.

Maybe that's why. Put in a little bit of extra effort. I think they got a little boost from what's his name, Clydesdale over there. I think people like that guy. Fire Marshal Bill? Chad Clidesdale. Oh, yeah. Chad Clidesdale.

Yeah, sure. Well, Maddox has got good graphic design element. elements. I don't know. Have you noticed they now each have a giant laptop on screen? Is that a joke? Is that like a bit? No, no, no. Here. I remember we were saying look at how Big Maddox's laptop

is now. Now it's two guys with their laptops taking up the whole screen. It's a format. Yeah, yeah, if you want to take a quick look. Look at that. Isn't that? It's cool, man. It's two gay guys playing their, playing their vacation. Planning their Christmas vacation

where they've got to visit six of their parents houses. Couldn't you guys get like, couldn't you guys get your notes ahead of time and said you're both there with giant honking lap? Do you never see in the format? Do you need notes? Yeah. No, why do you need notes? That's a very good question. Like, what do you just write down the list of

cards you're going to talk about, I guess? What are you pulling up that you've got to have these giant honking laptops on the screen the whole time? Yeah. But again, I love these. These guys are an inspiration. I'm, I'm going to get on Solering. Who's got the bigger laptop? The gay one?

It really looks like Maddox bought at some point, like the giant. I think he said, you know what? I'm editing video. He's got briefcase handles on his laptop, like the old style Samsonite briefcase handles. It's got a giant, well, I think this is a row of like web camera. I don't know what that is, actually. Does it have a rear-facing camera? It's like a strip.

I think Maddox at some point said, well, this is my workhorse. I got to get the giant ass laptop. And I understand it. I get it. What's Chad? You got to spend money to make money. Chad's got a beverage. Oh, you even brought the start.

He's energized for this episode. All right. They put their notes in there. Put their notes in the drinks. The point is Solringers is doing a lot of things right. Their audio quality still kind of sucks. Well, best of luck to both of you guys. I think the world needs more magic podcast.

The competition is on. Yeah. The competition for... I think it's a friendly rivalry that they aren't aware of. Who smartens up and quit? first. That's the winner. Who realizes what a waste of time this is first? Before

it turns into like work. Yeah, I mean, it is a tremendous waste of time at the end of the day. I did have one guy. One guy said he would pay for it and I'm like, well, there's one of you. So there you go. Oh, who is that guy? Some guy in the comments, he said, now I would pay for this kind of

Johnny Rocket. It was probably Johnny Rocket. And one of his many alts. All right. right um here we go so that's what's going on with me ballad harvesting was the last week's winner ballot harvesting yeah you gotta stop it hey did spencer pratt reveal his big goofy gambit or whatever did you see that news i don't know did he did he have some secret recording is someone a man he said he said i got a secret recording it's going to turn everything upside down and i went

oh you're making it gay now like you like i was like oh it's a cool hey this guy's running for thing and now he's going to do i get secret stuff and i'm like did he have a secret thing right i don't know i think he said he did he said he had a secret recording that was going to derail one of the candidates and i go well what do i care that just means the other one wins how does that how does that matter me at all they're both bad i thought how are you gonna yeah what would that matter uh oh well it was fun it was a fun couple of weeks it was a fun fingers crossed long shot yeah i lost like three hundred dollars betting on Spencer Pratt to win.

Just to get a little bit. I cashed out before I lost that much money. But I thought he would like climb a little bit, you know? Yeah. I should have done it with SpaceX. I was like, okay, I want to buy the thing and then get out when it goes up a little bit. And then Spencer Pratt never moved at all. I'm like, what the fuck is this?

He's got all the momentum. And at SpaceX, I went, that's bullshit. I'm not buying no spaceships. And then it goes to fucking. I mean, dude, the valuation of SpaceX is what? a billion trillion magic dollars. Yeah, trillion bucks. But I guess that's every, that's every company now, so why not?

Things that are slightly too hard to fix. Remember that one? Yeah. No. That was you. That might have been me. It's not slightly too hard to fix. It's going to be hard to fix that door.

Well, I didn't remember what, no one could tell me what your name of that is. It was my car window. It's going to be a pain in the ass. Things that are just annoying enough to not fix. Oh, yeah, just annoying enough. That's right. Annoying enough. Just annoying enough that you can ignore it and not actually fix it.

Now, this is why I didn't remember it. There's too many versions. Making slop. Whatever. Making slop. Again, I didn't know what you, I didn't remember that one. That was just me not knowing how to make good content because it's gotten past me. Yeah, you're too old.

I think I did have an idea for a video. The problem is I, no, my ideas for videos are bad. Like kids are watching the content and they need to see other kids doing it. I did put up a short of me talking to Indians, though. Did you see that? No. What were you talking to them about? They called me and they asked if I wanted, you know, end of life benefits.

And then I explained my, and I explained what I wanted my life to be like with them. And you know what? Just go listen to do it. Should I play it? I guess I got to play it. Well, I mean, I've already talked about it. So now I'm going to play it. It's a good.

It's 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds. I'm sorry. I already started talking about it. There we go. It's audio. It's 30 seconds of audio. I get these calls.

I'll ask you how this policy works, how this blanket benefits you and your family. Can I ask a question? Yeah, go ahead. Does this cover burial expenses? Of course. Because I have a... a plot

in a Jewish cemetery and I have a very special situation where I plan to be buried with my dick in your mother's ass would that be okay? I want to fuck your mother in the grave

of course okay well then let's let's proceed and what I'd like is your mother to be down in the casket and my dick will be in her ass We'll both be, I'll be dead, and he'll probably be dead too. And then for eternity, I'll be fucking your mother's ass.

Right. Okay. So that sounds good. He was very agreeable. I have to give him that. He was pretty okay with it. Did he ever stop? Did he ever, like, lose his mind?

He eventually hung up. He eventually, sometimes it's better. I got it. Here's the problem. Okay. I got my actual problem then. I know what my problem is. Okay.

My problem is that you can't record phone calls effectively. Dude, that is a, that's such a big problem. It's such a big problem. So I have been like fucking with Indian scammers for the last two years and I go, how do I record this? And then I'll download an app and the app will be like, oh, sorry, you're not like, Google won't let us do this. You have to download an A-pack, like a side-loading thing.

I side load it and they go, oh, actually, this used to be, we used to like get it in there under the ADA. Like, we pretended it was a disability thing. But then they figured out that it's not actually. So now it doesn't work anymore. So the only way I can record phone calls now is I press a button. You know what happens when I press the button? What? A lady robot voice comes in and it goes, this call is being recorded.

And if the Indians hear that, they immediately hang up. So I can't do the fucking bit. So I have to wait. I have to wait until she goes, I'm going to transfer you to my manager. And that's the window where I can go recording. Because I have to, while they're transferring it, and then the voice goes, and they don't hear it. And if I don't, if I time it wrong, they come back and they hear the end of the fucking thing. Yeah.

And they go, hey, hey, hold on a second. What is going on here? What was that? What was that? I can hear the recording happening. Nothing. There's nothing. They can hear themselves being recorded.

The Indians. They're so good at it. They got one guy listening to all the conversations. conversations. How is it not, look, I understand that, like, there's, it could be illegal if I do it in the wrong situation, sure, but that's on me. There should still be a program that I go, I want to record my Indian people. Like, I should just be able to do that.

Why is that not an option? Why is it blocked by Google? Why is it blocked by, I don't know who's blocking it, actually. Everyone, I had, I used to have this, I got to do, to do this show. When I first started, I had a cable that's. split up into the little itty-bitty iPhone cables and it like split it split off from this special T-R-R-S cable or whatever into audio ins and outs just so I could record phone calls. That was back when you had a 3.5 jack or something?

Yeah, and they had Apple has like a proprietary 3.5 jack. So, you know, there's only one factory that makes them in the world or something like that. It was difficult to do. Because all of society would break down, I guess, if you could record people. people willy-nilly on the phone. I don't know. I guess. I don't know.

Yeah. It's always frustrating because we're missing out on like a gold mine of content from prank calls. Oh my God, there would be so much prank calls. It's the best form of entertainment. This should be the golden era of prank calls. And there's no way to just get audio from your device that's sitting there. No. It's crazy.

It's so funny when people get recorded on Discord, you know, and they're crying about shit. Oh, it's great. It's the best shit. But we've, but we only have people that I don't give a fuck about using Discord. So it's not as, it's not that funny. Everybody that,

like people that I want to hear get fucked with are using phones. Yeah. And well, those, look, we have all those channels where the guys humiliate the Indian scammers. And they always get them. Again, I think it's on a discord call or something.

Yeah. Maybe they have a landline to record it. And it's a gold mine. And let's be clear. I think the Indian scammers would stop if they went, Oh, what if I get embarrassed on the internet again? I don't want that to happen. Like, this would be one of the few failstaves for stopping these scams, also making people aware of all the garbage and nonsense that's going on.

I wish Indians had like a meltdown word, like how, like North Koreans, if you see like, say Kim Jong-un is gay, they just can't say it. Yeah. Like, it's like a, like Beetlejuice, you know? They just have to abort their mission. I wish Indians had something like that, but they really, they really don't. I'm trying to figure out what their ultimate, like, I've become convinced there's going to be some sort of catchphrase or code word I can use to immediately break down every Indian person I talk to. Yeah. Doesn't every race have like a word that makes them go nuts? I tried nailing them on the cast thing and they just feigned ignorance where he's like, I want to talk to, I want to talk to you about X and you're in. I'm like, whoa, whoa, what cast are you, buddy? I can't talk to a low cast.

But the guy feigned ignorance He said I don't know what you're talking about I'm in Oklahoma I'm like shit this guy's good I get at it I thought the cast thing was really gonna get him I thought he was gonna be like fuck you You don't talk about a shmai fucking cast

But it didn't work So I'm still trying to fit If anybody knows how to really get to Another guy I didn't hit him with Well I hit another Indian guy I said hey have you heard the good news And he said what And I said India's birth rate is down

So there's gonna be less of you fuckers pretty soon But the guy again was like totally chill. He's like, sir, I'm just trying to make a dollar here. Yeah, shut up. You don't really care. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Fuck you. Kill yourself. I got to see. Okay, so these guys must not make any money, right? The Indian guys? Yeah.

They probably make a fortune compared to the people they're living around. Yeah, yeah. I was just saying, like, if I went to these guys, I'm like, hey, I'll give you 20 bucks to come on a podcast and talk about how you become an Indian scam or what it's like, the culture. I don't want to hear... The only thing I want to hear from an Indian scammer is a gunshot blowing his fucking brains out. I don't want to hear how he got into a podcast. I agree. I don't want them humanized at all. Well, did you...

So I saw a video the other day of them catching one of these guys scamming an old lady or something and the cops pop out and they grabbed the guy. And I went, man, if Trump wanted to go down in history is the most beloved president of all time... New India. Like all this stuff about... Well, all this stuff about, oh, I'm going to go to Mexico and I'm going to stop the drugs.

Don't care. Don't care. If he said, I'm sending Navy SEALs in the- It was the Mexicans that we wanted to stop. Not the drugs. The Mexicans. Yeah, I don't care all that fucking drugs. If he said, I'm setting up a Navy SEAL Task Force that's just going to go to every call center in India, just fucking lay waste to the fucking place.

Dude. He would be instantly beloved forever. He would be king. He would be king. 90% of the world would annoyance him king. Fucking Biden can cure cancer. They could do shit that the army hasn't done since Vietnam, like wear their heads as necklaces and take trophies and scout them and shit.

It could be like a bilateral commission. Every seal team would, they would enter a lottery to who gets to go into India first and start shooting up call centers. Dude, they got to link up with that guy who makes the call center videos where he's talking to them in the call center, you know, in the old lady voice. Yeah, yeah. He just got to go, oh, I just need you to do one thing for me, Sonny, before I send you the iTunes gift cards. Look out the fucking window.

And then a fucking RPG. Dude, it would, I mean, like, it would be rods of God. Elon Musk could be shooting laser beans down from space. It would, no one would, absolutely no one would protest this. If at any single moment, all the leader, all the world leaders just said, hey, let's just nuke India? We're just going to go kill everyone at the call centers. There's no problem. Yeah.

Did you see the fat Korean guy who dressed up like a pregnant Korean lady and he went to that fucking Indian festival where they just grab and grope women like crazy? So he's just a fat Korean guy and he just put on a dress and some makeup and he's wandering through the thing. And all these Indian guys are just fucking trying to molest the shit out of it. They probably love it. They probably still got something out of it, you know? I'm going to say this. if any independent filmmaker wants to make a million dollars, okay? It's got to be about a guy.

His mom gets hit with a Bitcoin scam. She loses her fortune. And he calls him up. And they go, we took your mother's money, you dumb Western motherfucker. And you're never getting it back. And this guy's like a Navy SEAL, retired, grizzled guy.

Taken. But is my money. It's his inheritance. It's his inheritance. She dies. She's so upset to learn that all the money is taken that she dies. and that was his inheritance. Bro, if you made a movie about a grizzled-ass guy

just going to India and going, I want my fucking money back, you pieces of shit. Turn the fucking bones off. John Wick just busted into a fucking curry restaurant and just murdering everyone in there. It would be huge. Kicking their caram's games over. Fucking shopping their heads off,

taking those snakes out and like doing a garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He strangles a guy from my. behind with a fucking snake and shit. I like, who would not go, this is the topical shit that I just feel like Hollywood's missing out on. All the street vendors. It would be like different areas, you know, like John Wick.

Like, oh, uh-oh, this is when he fights all the street vendors making gross food. Well, dude, that's the thing is Hollywood's still like, oh, the bad guy is going to be like a Russian guy who kidnapped a girl. And I go, I don't care about that at all. I want it to be a bunch of little Indian shitheads fucking with iTunes gift cards. spilling out of their pockets. And that should be the modern bad guy. You want iTunes gift cards?

You want iTunes gift cards? That's the end of the movie. Do not redeem. The motion picture. You've just been redeemed, cack sucker. Oh, man. That's a good movie. That would be great.

And again, if there's any indie filmmakers out there, I'm handing this to you. It's free money. We'd all come to see it. So that's your problem? My problem is that I can. can't record phone calls effectively without having to trick the phone. It's stupid. I've tried, like, if anybody knows a good app, I don't, it's really not.

Why would someone expect privacy or deserve privacy when they're calling me? Especially with all the scams going on, you would think they would empower us to be like, hey, for your protection. Yeah, you got to record everything. I mean, do you have the thing? I have T-Mobile, so when I get a call from a possible scammer, it says possible scam as the name of the scam. Yeah, I get that sometimes. but I don't know. It doesn't really work. I get that all the time.

And then I go, well, if you know it's a scammer, you should unlock the full suite of, you can record it, you can fuck with them. Yes, exactly. You send an electric shock. Yeah, if you know it's a scammer, why would I not be able to take advantage of this technology to catch him? Yeah, that's a good one. Thank you. I'm working on talking to more Indians. We'll see, as they call.

Lixiero says Cain Parsons made back rooms in less time than it took Vito to release Superkiller and he's only 20 about that He's only 20 Do you think things get easier as you get older? They don't. They're easy when you're 20 and you don't care Yeah, I wish I was 20

Crank this shit out Yeah, fuck this! Who cares? He's like a YouTube guy? It's probably someone's kid. Inseparable, The band says past... Well, that's what I was assuming. Passive-aggressive-Den dollars. 10 million dollars will get a lot of shit done. Nico Mastic says I would definitely watch a video of Vito attempting to fix his car window.

You get a lot of that. People wanting to see that. Why? It's not going to be interesting. I'm going to take bolts out. You could make it interesting, though. None of those, like, DIY shows are interesting unless the host is talking about it. I don't think repairing the window of a 90, whatever it is, a fucking Honda element.

Those videos are on YouTube. They don't seem to get a lot of music. You know, it is interesting, though. Talking about fucking Marvel Magic Cards, though. Hey, hey, that gets hits. That gets hits. That gets clicks. If you tried to repair stuff in your garage, you'd get more hits than magic.

I've repaired stuff. And videoed it? Not videoed it. I've been 3D printing stuff still. That's fun. I made this little box to hold a penny sleeves. And it's got a hook, so it hooks right on to my little thing right here. Wow.

Did you design that too? or did you just find it? And then I designed. No, I designed it. I went into TinkerCad and I said, I need a little hook for my painter's tape. It was everyone who ships singles. Everyone who ships singles knows.

You made that retarded hook for your painter's tape? Why is it retarded? This is great. It's perfect. It's a perfect hook. I made a perfect hook. And it hooks right on to this thing here. You can just buy like a metal hook?

No, this is a perfect hook. Look. Jesus Christ. snugly. It's like an old lady's sewing kit. And then I take, it is. I got all my, this is that. It's so I could ship my shit. I got my, my stamps. I got a little stamp holder right there. And, all right. It's great. It's great what I do. Wow. You got to be organized in business, Dick. You got to be organized.

Yeah, you need two of those organizers. They'd be twice as organized. What I need is better magnets on this fucking webcam. Why? Okay, here's another problem. Magnetic mounts. Oh, no, hold on. You're not even done with the comments yet. I'm just done. That's it. The real D.O. Branden's is kind of wild. The only phallic or funny sounding French food Vito could imagine was spaghetti. Even in the boys' writers' room, he'd be outclassed. I do remember you saying spaghetti as a gay food. Yeah. I'm sorry. I don't have what groundlings training to be quick on the fly with the improv or whatever the fuck. I don't know if you need training to come up with a gay-shaped food.

Most of them are gay-shaped. Spaghetti is not. Was it gay-shaped? Was that the point? I thought it was like the way you say it was supposed to be gay. How do you say spaghetti? Spaghetti. Let's be gay.

I don't remember fucking remember. Gay-shaped food. Survey says, we don't want to do hot dogs. Like, that's too easy. Hot dogs. Right up the ass. Gay. Right in the mouth, gay.

Eating a hot dog. I think we did I think Billy brought up Dick-shaped food on our bonus or whatever filling episode so I should have went to that

Um Zach attack says I bet all the money in my bank account the reason Vito rolled down his window in the first place was because he was going through a drive-thru

Is that true? Ah ha ha I was on the highway It was hot I rolled my window down a little bit

even it was for the drive-thru what i'm never allowed to go to a drive-th oh the reason his window broke is because he's eating so many hamburgers it goes up down all day long it's just his guy's opinion it's just he wants to make a wager it sounds like he would have lost the wager he was probably eating food you got me i mean most people probably only roll their window down to order drive-thru right i'm a big i'm a guy i get yelled at i'm a big wind window opener. What do you mean? yelled at.

What is that? Because like people will be running the AC and then I'll like have the window go now. Like all the AC's on. I go. Yeah, but I like the like the air from the world. You're wasting it. You're wasting the AC when you do that. What do you mean?

How does it waste it? Does less if it come out to compensate for the window being open? You're just wasting on a sense. Oh, windows open. All this AC air that I pumped out. And I'm pumping out more. I don't think that's how it works. Yeah.

The same amount is going to come out of that AC. People are right. People are right. You're wasting it. High Salt Diet says from Stop to Steel to Piggy Squeals. I don't remember that one. The Fork My Dongle says you don't need to remove the entire door from the car to actually fix the window actuator. Apparently I said remove the door, but I'm not going to remove the door. I know it has that inner... It's a Honda element. Every part of it's plastic.

Thank God Fork My Dongle said something. The claw yaw says Vito is so dumb when it comes to politics And also everything else Why? I don't give a reason I thought it was going to elaborate I didn't get an explanation

Herb Beta Patch says Interesting and engaging content exists on YouTube Made by people with genuine passion Or interesting approaches or new ideas You could choose to make better content And grow an audience that cares about quality But you chose the easy route of clickbait and complaining about pop culture garbage.

This is the same as people complaining that movies, games, TV shows are going downhill, but only consume mass appeal lowest common denominator content. Make better life choices, he says. I think the problem is that the topics I'm interested in, I don't think most people would be interested in,

at least not to the level that it would be a sustainable project. Like what? Like, I wanted to make a whole video about the movie Southland Tales, and then I realized no one's ever going to watch that. But do you have like...

Maybe people would watch it. Like, I made a whole... Okay, let's put it away. I made a whole video about that Battle Angel Alita movie. And I think it was a really good... That, like, live action one? Yeah. And I explained, like, all the lore of Battle Angel Alita

and why the movie... How James Cameron spent 20 years trying to get it made, and then he just handed it off to Robert Rodriguez to run it into the fucking ground. And nobody watched it, even though I thought that was, like, one of my best videos. Would you title it? Look at this robot I want to have sex with?

Look at this lady robot I want to have sex with. I think I eventually, I think I changed the title a couple times. I was going to make a video explaining all the deep lore of Evangelion because most people don't seem to know about the moons. I don't think you know about the moons. I don't know what Evangelian is. Robots? No, no, no, no, no, no. It's about like being.

being a part of the world and choosing life. By watching anime? It's about being a depressed Japanese man who spirals out of control makes a brilliant piece of artwork. And then 20 years later, when he's happy and on medication,

he goes, what if I gave it a happy ending? And you go, don't fucking do that. You're already nailed it the first time. Oh, you're talking about the guy, the artist. I thought you were saying the show's about.

Yeah, no, the original show was great because it was the most depressing, fucked up thing ever. But then, why? Because it was so warm. received. I can't spoil it. It's a downer, man. Nobody's going to watch Evangelion

from like this 10 second. Anytime you convince me to spoil something, there's always one guy in the comments who goes, I can't believe the veto spoiled the thing. All right, I'll look it up. How does Evangelion end? How does Evangeline end? You saw that beach,

the fucking beach and the head. With the giant head on it? The giant head and the blood, the blood river or whatever. It has multiple versions. Well, that's the thing is that after the guy made that, he was hailed as an artistic genius. He spent the last 20 years with everyone sucking his dick. So he's like, hey, you guys want me to make more robot shit? And I'm like, no, it was good when you were second guessing yourself and you hated everybody.

Now you're going to make it. And it's like, hey, what if that kid who I psychologically tortured for 26 episodes? What if you got a cool girlfriend at the end? I'm like, that would suck. Don't fucking do that. No. You're just jealous. The original ends with him on a beach with a lady who fucking

hates his guts. Why she's good? That's life. Because she's insane because her mom killed herself and because she can't obtain the attraction of older men. Sounds like a typical woman. She's a psychological nightmare. Yeah, well, yeah, that's the thing.

That's why it was so good is you're like, yeah, that's life. You try your hardest to save the world, and at the end of it, you're trapped on a beach with a bitch who hates your guts. That's awesome. That's life, baby. You don't always get what you want. Yeah. You never get it.

And then even when you go to Strangler, she says something, and you go, I guess I'm not going to kill this bitch. Oh, he's going to Strangler? He tried to kill her. And then she's like, ah, fuck it. I'll just live on this beach with this fucking bitch. I can't believe he spoiled the movie. I know, I spoiled it.

Because that's what really, that's what keeps me watching a movie. I'm like, man, I just, I've got to know how it's going to end. Man. I don't know how this. If I don't see how this ends, then I'm just not going to get any kind of enjoyment at all. out of this fucking movie. I think Evangelion's ending is a rare thing

where, you know, it's one of these endings. That is, it is special. Okay. And then they changed it, so he's happy, and he gets on a train with a girl, and he goes, I can't wait to live the rest of my life. You're like the sock. That's great.

Go back to the old fucking ending. And then I've got to listen to this new generation. They go, well, isn't it good that he was happy at the end? No. This is my problem. This is my problem.

I don't even know what to call it. I guess it's like content. cops or like cannon cops. That's what it is like canon cops. Like it started with Star Wars, which was, okay, yes, these prequels suck, right? And I hate them and let's make fun of them. And they're so bad for these reasons.

But then it's like some people are, some people are upset because they think that this is somehow makes it real. Like, oh, they killed the characters. Or they changed the ending to this thing. Can you believe it? It's like, well, then who cares? Like, just don't think. Imagine something else.

Use your own imagination to come up with something else. Or just... No, you got to respect the lore a little bit. You got to expect the lore a little bit, you know? No, that's like... It's just like a bunch of gay stuff that someone came up with. It's all, like, retarded. And dumb.

Look, you can break canon a little bit, you know, and come up with some creative writing. The problem is when the franchise, like, fucked itself so badly. Did you hear they're trying to go back to Alien and make it... Remember you watch aliens? Yeah, aliens. That's cool. Ripley escaped with that guy and that little girl or whatever. Yeah, I guess so. And you're like, they died in a fucking crash.

None of that shit counts. Yeah, cool. What the fuck's the point of that? Good. That's like James Bond. You don't start every James Bond go like, I wonder what happened to that dumb bitch from the last one. I wonder how their relationship went. It's like, oh, good.

Totally, everything's reset. Great. I guess it didn't work out. Yeah. I don't even think about it. I don't care. Oh, yeah. Awesome.

James Bond. I don't know, man I did go What was the chick You know what was weird I felt that way about Austin Powers How stupid is that

Because at the end of the first They should have started it Like nothing from They should have just started with a new bitch And Austin Powers too And it would have been so much better Than that dumb like Oh it looks like I'm single again

Like okay I didn't need that Because at the end of the first one He gets the girl right And then at the beginning of the second one It turns out she's a robot And he kills her or something is that what happens in the second Austin Powers?

Because they had to put the dumb wedding in there. Is that what he was? Instead of just getting the girl and banging her, he had to fall in love with her and get married. You know? Dumb. Gay. Yeah, the second Austin...

I mean, I loved the first Austin Powers. And then when the second one came out, I'm like, well, this one's not as good. And I don't even think I watched the third one. I was like, eh, I don't care. Because it's that bastard? Yeah, it hit too close to home. Did you see that the same guy?

No. What do you mean? Yeah. Fat bastard. What do you mean the same guy? Same guy as the other guys in the movie. That can't be. It's clearly a large fat actor playing an individual.

Did you see they had an Austin Powers T-Mobile ad last week, which is the most unfunny thing I've ever seen in my life. And then it came out that they're doing like an Austin Powers 4. And I went, oh, we've really reached like peak. Dude, they're doing it. Shrek 5 and an Austin Power is 4? Is Mike Myers just bored or wants to torture us?

No man, you need more. We need more Shrek. We're not ogre it yet. Just keep Shrekking. I need I need the kids to appreciate Shrek. It needs to go on and on. The weight is ogre, as they say. We finally got the new.

I used to have a Shrek 2. I got, I'm not going to lie. I used to have a Shrek 2 sticker on the back of my car and people would would walk by and they go, oh, cool sticker. So there's a lot of love. Donke. There's a lot of love for that Shrek guy, man. That's what Shrek sounds like.

Yeah. Donke. Yeah. They should put two Shrex out at the same time. Did you see the theories? Speaking of Canon, the theories that the reason Shrek 5 got delayed is because they forgot. Because Shrek has a daughter now, I think, voiced by Zendaya or some shit. Oh, come on. pointed out and they're like, well, wait, in Shrek 3, he has two sons.

And then the theory is that they just forgot, how Shrek 3 ended or something. Well, we don't know if it was supposed to be trans or something, but then yesterday they revealed and they go, and here's Shrek's Sons. And you know, oh, okay, so they're on the movie. Did you guys have to remake part of the movie because you forgot about, like, characters existing or something? This is Shrek 5? You're talking about?

Yeah, I don't know what number we're on. Is that what we're on? No, I think it's six. It's crazy that Puss and Boots. Did you see the new Puss and Bootson? No, I didn't see It was pretty good Because the animation was like

Shockingly The shot the animation was shockingly good It looks like that Spider-Man shit It's a cat movie It's a Shrek the cat movie It's a Shrek the cat movie That was good It was actually like pretty intense for a kid's movie

I was like wow that wolf's really gonna fucking kill fucking Pousin Boots Jesus Christ There's a spooky wolf with like sithes. He was just like, I'm gonna kill this fucking little cat. Wait, maybe I did see Pussam Boots on a plane.

Do you remember a spooky wolf with like two fucking curved sives and Pousin Boots is like, oh, what the fuck? I thought this was a fun kid's movie. This wolf's just trying to stab him to death. Was there like a Peter Peter Pumpkin eater in it? I think that's in like all of them. I can't remember. Oh, shit.

That's what really gets me hard when they pull out the, the fairy tale creatures and beings and beings. and entities. Yeah. And then they say who they are. Kids movies used to be. Like when the gingerbread man comes out, I'm like, fuck yeah.

Here we go. Here we fucking go. I bet he's real sassy. Not my gum drop buttons. Oh. I love the gumtrop. I love the gingerbread man. He's always running.

Did you see the Super Mario movie? The second one? I still haven't. Is it still in theaters? I almost went to go see it. Don't pay money to see it. It sucks. It's fucking sucks.

It's about girl power. It's about girls. Is it about girl power? They made Rosalina and Princess Peach sisters for some reason. But actually? Yeah, and they get power by being in proximity to one another

like the Matrix 4. It's totally fucking stupid. They're a dyad? They're a dyad in the force? Yeah, and Yoshi shows up. Yeah. And they just go like, oh hey, it's, hey, hey, how's it going?

And Toad goes, oh, great, it's Yoshi. Like, there's no... That's the explanation. It's like, you morons know that... Oh, great. No one gives a fuck about Princess Peach and the princesses. They give a fuck about Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, maybe Nabit, and Bowser. They don't give a fuck about the princesses are just there to, like, tell you what to go kill.

Well, the princess is there to be kind of hot, man. I mean, the other problem is I'm like, clearly, Rosaline is not going to be stacked in the movie, I assume. You mean have huge tits? Yeah, that's what I want. She didn't have huge tits in the game, though, did she? She was like an alien. You could kind of imagine it, though. She's too big.

She had that little star buddy, and I'm like, what's that little star buddy up to behind closed doors floating up There's way too much Luma's in this one. They're talking all the time. It just was a big disappointment. I heard Donald Glover is the, wait, is it Donald Glover's name? The Bullseman. Black guy, yeah.

Who am I thinking of? OJ. But is he the young black guy? He's a young black guy, sure. well he was you know he's not that young anymore yeah Donald Glover is the voice of Yoshi I think oh god I hate knowing that I bet he like I bet he had some kind of speech too about like how he tried out for it he says he actively campaigned for the role after watching the first film with his children Clever kept the character authentic by perfecting Yoshi's iconic sounds and

catchphrases I mean when he says I really wanted to do it for my children isn't it just oh man this is like free money if I'm the voice of Yoshi, right? It's such an obnoxious thing to say. I wanted to do it for my children. Like, okay, man. Yeah, well, they always say that. I'm sure you're children. The only guy who gets away with that.

The only time that line actually worked was when Raul Julia was like, well, I don't know anything about Street Fighter, but I like money and my kids like video games. Yeah, that works. Then it's okay because he was awesome. He was awesome. Well, yeah. Yeah, because if it wasn't him, someone who sucks would have been M. Bison.

It was like, dude, fucking awesome. Whatever. It's even cooler that you did it for your kids. But this is like a blockbuster sequel, a character that everybody loves. And then you don't have to do anything. Like, wow, man, it's so really brave of you to want to do this for your kids. He helped his kids. He did it for his kids.

He didn't even take a dollar, except for he probably got paid half a million to go. Fucking Air Wars again. Okay, what's your next problem? My next problem on this list of problems that I have here in front of me. Got a couple here. I'll do this one It's America's birthday, Dick Happy birthday

250 years of America Wouldn't you think we'd have Like something exciting To celebrate To be like wow America You're not celebrating all the Carnival cruise fights That we have And no I'm not celebrating that

And the pineapple Kool-Aid Fucking treats that are brand new No I'm not celebrating that You're not celebrating that Juneteenth We got Juneteenth Everyone who sucks gets the day off work.

You're not celebrating that. That's true. I think I saw that Gavin Newson's like giving away bicycles for Juneteenth or something. Well, they're all, they're all free. You can take one. I don't know about giving them away. You can just take. If you see one, that's the rule on Juneteenth.

You can just take it. All right, it wasn't bicycles. It's that all California State Historic Parks will be free on Juneteenth. So have fun at the park. Everyone will be passing out the Kool-Aid pineapples. What do you mean it even for Indians? Well, they're the ones. The historian passport, normally $50 will be, you can download the pass for free.

You can use it. Wait, unlimited visits to historic parks from Juneteenth until the end of the year. That's six months of Juneteenth. Oh, man, the parks are going to be overrun with Juneteenth Rufflers. Have a good time, guys. I guess Is that your problem? June 10th?

America. No, my problem is not Juneteenth. My problem is America's embarrassing birthday. I, do you remember growing up and like, hearing about how great the bicentennial was? Like, dudes were so high. Everyone made a big deal about it.

Oh, man. You just talk to your dad. You go, how was it a biocentia? He'd go, dude, we were fucking rip shit. Yeah. Pounding beers. Screaming America. People,

they were fucking throwing nickels in the streets and guys on those wearing Uncle Sam costumes were on those bicycles with the giant wheels just going down the street 24-7. Yeah. You look back. Yeah. You look back at the bicentennial. Look at like archival footage of the bicentennial. Everybody was so fucking stoked on America.

It's just a bunch of hot chicks. Hot chicks. Giant wheeled bicycles. Uncle Sam fucking costumes. Fez hats. Okay. It was a good fun time. Yeah.

And now I go. And now I go. So what are we doing for 250? 250. That's a quarter of a... Let's be real. Two hundred's like... That 200's whatever. Two-fifty. We're a quarter of the way to a grand. Okay? Now, that's a real fucking number. That's a quarter. What's better?

Two dimes are a quarter. Quarter every time. This is exciting. Right. And I'm like, so what do we got planned? First, Donald Trump limp dicks us in with his birthday, fucking a bunch of gay guys playing grab ass on the White House lawn. Fucking UFC.

shit. I go, man, this should be way cooler. It's not even cool. It would have been cooler to have old guys come out and do like fucking old-timey fucking, what do you call it? 1940s fisticuffs. It should have been a guy dressed like Abe Lincoln and a guy dressed like fucking

Teddy Roosevelt, wrestling bear, bear fucking Greco-Roman or some shit. Instead it's just some assholes who none of them look cool. Just be like, yeah, you have C, yeah, dude, UFC. Dude, I'm like, oh man, America. It's just a normal UFC fight.

Yeah. Dude, they didn't even like, yeah, you're right. It should have been like, you know, like, you could have at least found an Iron Sheik-esque figure. Every one of the fights should have been against one of America's enemies. It should have been like a big, roided up white guy and Iran Dan. And Iran Dan comes out and he goes, Ayatollah, Ayatollah. We're like, hey, fucking Iran Dan. Kill him.

Fucking kill him. Are they going to add like the Ayatollah versus like the Isfellah? Israeli child molester. Sure. Yeah. There could have been a lot of themes going on. Yeah. Lack of spectacle.

Now we have the... Fights just... They fucking suck. All the hype is fun, but then as soon as it starts, it's like, like, all right, I don't want to be... I want this to be over. Now, this is so... This is so boring.

It would have been better if it was WWE. If it was WWE, I would have been like, okay. Now, this is my America. A bit of theatrics. a bit of a stage show. You could have had fucking sting, descent from the rafters to, dude,

if mankind had been on top of the fucking dome that they built, and he fucking, the fucking undertaker slams him through a hell in the cell all the way down to the bottom, we would have exploded. It would have been the greatest.

Instead, it was a guy who goes, Michelle Obama's a man, duh. I'm like, you guys aren't funny. No UFC fighters have ever been funny.

Shut the fuck out. Have, have like, a dance troupe of, like, men coming out as like the Michelle Obama male review and they're all bottomless with their weaners hanging out

and they're doing like Rockettes kicks. Like that's funny. At least go full with it. Yeah, go all the way with it. Yeah, go and next up is the transgender card and have two guys and dresses. Not Michelle Obama's a man but goes Michelle Obama's a man and

Obama is and say the N word. That would be now that's that would be whoa now that's 250. And then I would have been like, whoa, now that's a celebration, right? Have it, have Erica Kirk come out and give a speech yourself. And blow her head off. Work Erica Coke.

I mean, that would have been, that would have been, that would have definitely gotten, that would have gotten a lot of views, a lot of clicks. So now we got on July 4th is the America 250 rally, which we got nobody left. Okay, we had the Commodore. First of all, the people they had to begin with were bad. This was the lineup to begin with. It was the Commodore. People just hate America so much now.

Who was president when the bicentennial happened? That's a good question. It was probably like Jimmy Carter or so. Carter? Yeah, probably. Even if Obama was president, would you even want to be at that bicentennial? Imagine the... No, I just watched him open his fucking...

His stupid library. ...level library or whatever. Okay, I'm like, what is the... Are black people even pretending to like that? I don't know, man Yeah, we've got a big We've got a library now What are they saying?

The worst point is I like brutalist architecture And I'm like this is literally depressing to look at It's a tragedy Gerald Ford was the president So he was too old for anyone to be upset About anything Gerald Ford was doing Explored Gerald Ford's biocentennial adventure is provided by the White House

Well, that sounds fun Okay, so There's supposed to be like a little bit of cheesiness to it And there's nothing cheesy about a UFC fight It's just totally gay and dumb. I hate hearing about it. I hate thinking about it. So there are some things that when taken seriously, they become gay.

Yeah. And UFC fights is one of those things. Like UFC, in order to not be gay, you got to be like, okay, you guys can, like, wear masks. And it is just more wrestling. Just have fun with it. Have, like, a storyline, whatever. Yeah. But I was like, no, dude.

This is a sport, dude. Like, these dudes have spent all day. figuring out how to get a guy on the ground and hug him until he doesn't want to be hugged anymore. And you're like, oh, I don't want to watch that. So much. I don't know. Why do they like talking about like the styles of, do people who are into UFC, do they have autism? Like, does they have some kind of autism that we don't know about that we don't track?

All these guys have a very specific autism, most of which revolves around figuring out how much protein they're eating every day and comparing it to the amount of protein other guys are eating. I ate 1.7 KG of protein today. I ate 2.3 KG of protein today. They're really into it. So we lost all our musical acts for the 250th. The only guy left is vanilla ice. So America's 250th birthday is being ushered in. Of all the people, I go, this is all we got.

This is the only guy we got is fucking vanilla ice. Not one singer wanted to sing because of Iran, right? I don't know. you could just, okay, if you can't get these big guys, just go find like little independent axe. Get the fucking blue grass jug dancing band to just come out there and fucking play on their jugs or some shit. Get something American to celebrate with. We don't need the fucking Commodores or whatever. Just get, I don't know, fucking a bunch of bluegrass assholes to go out there and banjo it up. I would watch that. That would feel pretty fucking American.

Literally anything other than Vanilla ice. Vanilla ice can be there, but there should be more than just vanilla. the fact that there's nobody else left. And you had a whole month to figure it out. You could have found somebody else. Did you hear what Trump's solution is to everyone quitting? No, what? Trump put this post on truth social.

He said on July 4th at the Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument, we're going to host the most spectacular Trump rally of them all, a tribute to America with the backdrop. More than 300 members of our strong and talented military bands, orchestras and ceremonial units. perform patriotic melodies and American classics. So we're going to have to listen to fucking Yankee Doodle.

We're going to have to listen to my country tiz of me and some shit. Let's see. He also said I will deliver keynote remarks that you will not want to miss. So the military band's going to show up, play

a bunch of gay American standards, and then Trump's going to give a speech. And that's it. That's what we're getting for the 250th fucking birthday of a month. That sucks, man. I was really excited about the 250. Like, this is going to be amazing. There's going to be rockets and every asshole.

Kid Rock's going to be there. But then the Super Bowl halftime show happened, like the Patriot Bowl halftime show. And I said, oh, this really, really sucks. This is really bad. And then I ran... I'm going to... Yeah, go ahead. Then the Iran war happened.

I'm like, okay, this is a 250's going to suck. That's it. There's no saving this. I have a video real quick I want to show you and this is what we deserve and what we will never get because we are lazy

I want 5,000 Chinese people fucking rockets going down the street just going if you fuck with us we're going to blow you up we're going to blow up your whole fucking

where are the rockets and shit Chinese guys looking like little robots okay can't Elon Musk didn't Elon Musk make up with Trump can he send a fucking thousand fucking SpaceX robots

to dance down the street. Yeah, I know. We don't get anything. If you're Chinese, you get to watch a bunch of hot chicks rifles, fucking short skirts, goose stepping their way into oblivion. This is fantastic.

Why can't we get this shit? Look at all, look at these bitches. How can't we have this? Are they just yelling Chinese as they step around? Look at them. Look at them stepping. Dang.

That's a lot of chicks. I hate that in boots. Because in case we invite China, even the women are going to shoot at us. They're telling the rest of the world, don't fuck with us. Or these hot chicks are going to shoot you with our Chinese rubber bullets. Look, I think that this is embarrassing for America. It's a 250th anniversary. We should have, why don't we have like a guy show every gun?

You guys messed it up by complaining too much. We should have an execution. They should execute Hassan Piker for treason or rape him or something. Well. At the beginning. There could be anything. There would be robots. There should be a first robot execution.

A robot kills a guy. And then the whole human element has been removed from it. Like an anti-pride parade. Have like a bunch of AIDS, people with AIDS coming around. So you watch the Hunger Games and you go, maybe it's a dystopia, but these guys know how to throw a fucking party. Like everybody says, oh, America's a dystopia. It's the worst. You know, it's like the Hunger Games.

I'm like, no, the Hunger Games had more pageantry and fun to it. Like, you know, the Hunger Games, you're like, this is great. This is a spectacle. I mean, this is the bread and circus that we deserve. I saw somebody say that. Bread and Circus. Yeah, I saw somebody say that bread and circus thing about UFC. I'm like, the gladiator games were like people getting eaten by lions.

Like really. Infinitely better. Crazy shit. This is like two celebrities playing grass. grab ass and grabbing each other's testicles and everybody crying about their net like how much this is costing him it's just like it's like a performative accounting exercise labeled a sport it should have been look it's 250 years of progress and I'm still watching two guys in shorts getting sweaty and wrestling around I'm like it should be like the the most

insane battlebots arena of all time 20 robots or one leaves and is crowned the fucking patriotic future of AI. Anything. Yeah. But no. It was just a bunch of guys going, duh, I went in dead.

I punched him and I grabbed them. And I grabbed him the most. So I won the fight. Dah. We lost our way. We lost our way. Yes. We're fucked.

No one's partying at all. Everything's too expensive. Happy America. There's no bread at all. Enjoy Trump's speech on July 4th. I'm sure it'll be a banger. Okay, here's... Oh, let me play the sound.

Here's my problem is med spas. Somebody tagged me on this stem cell cure for tinnitus. I saw that. You saw that? Nobody was... It was like out of Korea. So everyone was asking, hey, what's the deal? Where can we get some of this stem cell cure for tinnitus and other things?

And the guy's like, well, I don't know. This is a Korean thing. Just an engagement spam account. He's like, I don't know. But here's a clinic in Chicago that offers it. So somebody sent it to me. I said, whoa, all right, I'll give it a shot. You know, why not?

I'd call them up. And I say, hey, what's the deal here? I found this. Specifically offering stem cells? Yeah, stem cell. Stem cell. In Chicago? Yes.

I said, what's the deal here? And she goes, oh, are you calling from Twitter? The home of the deep dish and the Italian beef said, uh, yeah, we got some stem cells for you, buddy. Come on down. We got a lot of them. I got a lot of abortions here in Chicago. Maybe you got some stem cells, sure. Hey, that's true.

They got a fresh supply coming in. Yeah. That would be the place for it. So what's the deal? She goes, well, you know, you got to get a consult and then we're in Chicago. Is that a problem? No, I don't, I mean, no. Like, I'll do anything.

Yeah. That's what are you talking about? It's, because what's your pain level? I'm like, oh, like a seven to ten. He's like, yeah, but all the time. I said, yeah, seven to ten, all the time. You know, some days, we're something. others. And she's like, oh, okay, well, you know, this is, um, this thing, it's, it's really

going to help. It's not exactly stem cells. And I said, uh, come again? Oh, no. What was that? It's not exactly stem cells. What the fuck? It's either stem cells or not. It's a binary. There's not, there's not, it's an exome. It comes off the thing, but it's actually even better. And I said, okay. Oh, no. I said, all right, well, you know, we injected it into your year. And I said, okay, yeah, injected into the issue. And she goes, and people report, the best thing is people report their

hair getting better. I said, why the fuck would I, why would I give a fuck about my hair getting better? You know, it's great that you're dealing with, like, horrific pain, but that hair line is what you're really worried about. I'm like, are you fucking retarded? But, you know,

in my line of work, I say, ah, woman talking, you just kind of ignore everything they say. You're just like, all right, well, you're just here to fill out a calendar, right? You don't, I mean, you don't matter. I could have done this on the internet, but your website didn't work on my phone. Okay, so I said, okay, she goes, well, do you want to know how much it costs? I said, I really don't care. Just book me for whatever you got. She's like, okay, well, it's like four grand. I said, okay, fine, yeah, great. Can you send me the, send me some

literature? Send me some literature. You have that, right? Like studies? She goes, oh yeah, oh yeah. I said me the most scientific stuff you got. Send me the most you got. And I said, I hung up. I said, all right, well, you know, my wife's real excited, and I'm not, because, you know, I know how things go, generally. Nothing ever to get excited about. And she goes, well, what do you mean? I said, well, we'll see.

I said, if they send me some stuff and I see an Indian doctor, I'm going to have a big problem, right? It's a no, right off the bat. So, the day goes by. Maybe it'll be a Somalian dog. Isn't that it be good? You can always trust those guys. Now I get some new years. So the day goes by and like, hey, so we got you on here.

It's just send the payment. And I was like, whoa, well, well, let's send me that stuff. Send me the stuff you said. So I get the email of the stuff, PDF, first PDF. So load it up. It's a big picture of an Indian doctor standing in front of it. is immaculate. I mean, it's going to be an Indian doctor at this point, right? I said,

ah, okay, let me see the next one. The next one was like a PowerPoint. And it said, okay, these are the benefits. I was like, okay, where's the next slide? And that was it. It was one slide. I said, all right, let me just copy and paste this, copy, paste the thing it is, put it into Google.

Boom. Here are the locations around you, Los Angeles. Such and such Med Spa. Fucking Arbogini and Med Spa. Fucking Al-Zugi. Med Spa. What did you plug in the name of the doctor? Whatever their stupid treatment was that was not exactly stem cells but was even better.

I said, oh. Oh, it's almost them. Oh, it was a med spa. Okay. It's a med spa. What is a med spa? I don't know what the fuck this is. Dude, it's where it's where women go to get like Botox. Like people go to get chemicals injected into them. It's a $21 billion

business of of defrauding morons aka women into thinking they're curing anything and every once in a while it spills over into the real world because their claims get so outrageous about what they're solving or have some

kind of overlap, some kind of tangential overlap with like a real problem, you know, like a medical problem that they'll get some kind of like crossover for this shit. But otherwise it's just a, it's like daycare for women to go inject

themselves with things that stopped them from getting old, which are all... I went to one of these. You did? I went to one of these to get a blood test for testosterone levels. So they had like... Yep. They had a separate room

for like, yeah, but I do remember being like, wait, what is going on here? It's like aliens made a doctor's office out of descriptions from a drunk that they abducted. Yeah, because there's like all these like different rooms that are like this is the room for hair rejuvenation.

This is a room for whatever the fuck. I was like, I'm just here for a blood test, but it did seem like it was aimed at Chinese women specifically to make them look young forever. Uh-huh. Yeah, and they usually have like frequent fire miles. Like, oh, come back. Here, your fifth one is 50% of them. All of their procedures are a little bit odd.

Like they'll take a picture before and after to see if you're getting any kind of like facial drooping or Bell's palsy from whatever they're doing to you and the women will sit there and go well they're taking a picture before and after so you know they must this must be some kind of a medical protocol for whatever they're injecting me with that uh...

Let's see non-surgical body sculpting how does that work? What is a body sculpting? Permanent makeup application tattoos on your face. Camouflage, yeah lasers, cold lasers. The lasers shit on you? It's the mecca

It's the fucking Mecca for women Who think that just everything works a little bit That's their That's women's belief structure Well you're saying it does this So it must work a little bit Like it must do something It is interesting yeah

So is this like primarily an Asian thing No I don't think so Why Well because remember we've talked about The Korean people cutting their eyelids off To look like perfect porcelain little dolls But that's real It does

That's really I'm saying like But Asian people seem like more obsessed. I know all the women are obsessed as being young, but it seems like Asian women in particular are like really attracted to this idea. It might be an Asian thing. There's 9,000

of these places in the U.S. I was, I was creeped out because as I'm just sitting there, he's like, yeah, you know, we also, we can, you know, make your hair fuller and make your dick bigger. And I go, ah, it's already so big, I wouldn't even

want to bother. So, I didn't realized that this was, but yeah, I was confused by it. Because again, it has like a gay name, and I'm realizing now when I went, it was called the ultimate male clinic or something. You know? Yeah. I'm like, well,

I'm not trying to be the ultimate male. I just want to get my levels tested or whatever. But who is? Someone is. Yeah. And they're going there. So I'm sitting there looking at the... I guess Miss T. United States goes there, though. I'm looking at pictures now. I'm looking at the... You know, I'm looking at the search results

of my of my breakthrough revolutionary treatment and I'm thinking why would this this text comes in from the woman hey we still got your appointment on the book so just go ahead

and send that payment I'm like why would you what kind of sick what kind of sicko are you that you would take appointments from people for what is

like obviously retarded bullshit but also from halfway across the country without even skipping a beat without skipping a beat You know? Like this is... Obviously, I'm gonna look...

Were they planning to inject something into you? Were they planning to inject something? Yeah, who knows what it is? I mean, I'm sure they don't know. Are they just gonna put like fucking monkey sperm in your ears? Probably. Yeah, this shit works. Yeah, there you go.

See me come back tomorrow. We'll do it a couple more times. You know, it's a cost only... It costs us a penny of vial, so of course we'll do it again. Says you can go to Switzerland, maybe, and get it. And get monkey sperm injected? into my ears? Yeah, get monkey sperm in Switzerland. They're big on it.

I'll look that up later. Well, I mean, like, with the tinnitus, would you feel better if you got a little Botox? Because then you can focus on, you know, your wrinkles going away as opposed to the, uh, I couldn't believe it. Like, uh, I haven't, I haven't seen one of you in a while. You, like,

an Indian scammer? I've seen them yesterday. I recorded me on the phone with them. And if you had the ability to record this bitch, have great audio right now and that's a tragedy. That's a tragedy. It's Indian scammer duping white bitches into selling garbage

to desperate people. So who forwarded it this to you a bad person? Well, the original study is valid but the link that the guy put after it is just med spa trash. So what are they doing with tinnitus? Nothing. They're not doing anything.

They're not doing. They just don't care. They just let all the sonitis guys die? Yeah, or kill themselves. Yeah. All right. That's the show. Rob Crow just canceled his tour due to chronic tinnitus. I mean, we all love Rob Crow of Pinback. That's the tragedy.

And purple disco machine canceled all shows for a month due to tinnitus. Good luck. My aunt got stem cells, but that was for MS, and it didn't work, I don't think. So I don't know just being a big pile of money. Are they actually

stem cells? Is anybody to have I don't know, because you get it in Mexico? Like, how can you, how do you get it proved? You know, a Mexican guy just injects you with shit. Then you go, I hope this works. Oh, man, I don't want to go to Mexico for anything. All right. I don't know where you get the stem cells from.

Vito, I've tried emailing you. I want a refund, he says, for two bucks. All right. Well, try sending another one. The Lux for two. When is Supercolor coming out? Pigwill, uh, cow. Pretty soon, actually, I think.

Coup for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Thanks, Coof. Britsman for five. No one give any more super chat. Always skipping already weak, Epps. Let's teach them a lesson. Together we are a mighty, individually we are sticks.

I hereby declare this to be the show's final super chat ever. Thanks, Britsman. Gordon Shumway for two. I've learned my lesson. Britsman is a F. L.J. Clauberino for five. A moment of silence for those who passed away before seeing the G.A. 6 box art. What is the GTA six box art? People are saying that it's more gay or less gay?

I don't know. Let me see. Six box art. I saw people trying to argue that they had to delay Grand Theft Auto because originally it was going to be woke. But then by the time the game was done, they said, oh, my God, we can't make it as gay as we wanted because people don't like gay stuff as much. Yeah, I believe that. You see all the sports guys arguing over wearing rainbows? What sports guys? There you go.

There's a baseball team, a minor league baseball team that was supposed to wear gay jerseys. And they're like, hey, we're having a pride night. We printed all these gay jerseys. And the baseball guys all went, I'm not wearing that F slur shit. And the baseball team's like, but we printed all these rainbow jerseys. And they're like, yeah, I'm just not going to wear it. And they're like, I guess we didn't consider that you guys could just not wear it. So I guess we got to.

Oh, the worst part is I think they're still having like gay baseball night, but just none of the baseball players are going to be there. And I'm like, what are you to walk around the baseball stadium acting gay? Like, what's the point of that? can do that any day of the week. How are all the gay people going to know that they're recognized? Yeah. How will they... Unless all that is.

Can we agree upon, like, when you reach a certain level of societal acceptance, we dial back the month to, like, a week or two, okay? Like, black history month. We know about black history. I know you guys invented the peanut and the gas mask and the what else did they invent, the fire establishment or some shit. Yeah. Well, yeah, exactly. The bike lock, ironically enough. Did you know that?

I didn't know that they invented the bike lot. They did. It's because there was the one guy and he always wanted to steal him. He said, if only had a device that kept my hands away from those beautiful bicycles that I love so much, I think Black History Month, you could do a week, you know? Honestly, condensing it down to a week, you could do more bigger things. Instead, it just kind of gets lost in the weed. It's the same with Pride Month.

You go, oh, what are you doing another parade? Doing another gay baseball night? Is this your type five? Is this part of your stand-up? I know. I genuinely go, look, I think people have a problem with the month of gay stuff. I think if you do a week of it, people would go, ah, it's a week. You can give the gays a week. So we got a...

That's fine. The couple is on top. Then there's some kind of a Puerto Rican bitch on the left, a black guy on the right with chains, and then like a Cuban man at the bottom with a white suit on. Yeah, I don't know. I don't understand the frantic love of Grand Theft Auto. It's fun, but I never understood the guys who play it, like, infinitely. It's awesome.

You could kill people, take cars off of jumps, beat up horse. It doesn't seem like it should be that... It shouldn't take that long to make another one also. That's what I also don't get. Well, because there's, like, a million different lines. There's, like, you can interact with a million different people in the game and have these dumb little, like, yoga mini-quests. So they've just got to crank out.

Didn't Grandf Auto 5 come out on the Xbox 360 at this point? Or am I crazy? I don't know. It's been like 12 years or something. That's been a long time. Yeah. Wait, when did Grand Theft Auto come out? It's been a long time.

Grand Theft Auto 5 came out in 2013. Oh my God. It's been 13 years. Okay. Jeez, don't you hate when you love a project and you just keep waiting for the next one? It just keeps getting delayed and delayed. It's the worst. Baldur says, come for poop ass for two.

Tony for five, how many pages of Superkiller are complete? Complete. You're asking unanswerable questions. Yeah, you're asking, that's a Panthers box. Who knows? Who knows? Super Killer 2, however, is looking great. I posted a little teaser of that.

And I'm loving what this guy's putting together for Super Killer 2. Who's this guy? You? Ketter Labo. An artist of renown. He's putting together a great looking second book, which will come right on the heels of the first one. Because I believe, baby, you got to believe.

Yeah, but why's he doing it? Because I like his art. He did a really good job. No, why would he agree to do it? Because I'm paying him English-American money. He gets money to fucking do it. He likes money, I assume. He's been five years and he's still in a place in his life where he has to take money for this kind of stuff? Oh, yeah.

No, he is, I got this guy. He's locked in. Give up. Get a real job. The Pope for five. Balder has a wheel that he spins every Friday to determine his bully victim for the week. I've seen it. That's really cool. Soggy, froggy for two. Sar, how can he record?

The Pope for 10. I put a little Jewish guy in Super Killer 2 selling a, if you want to bring up this screenshot from the new one. Okay. See, you can see he's got his, look at this little page here. I think he's got the guy counting the money. I laughed out loud when I saw this. this guy over here who's running the store. You laughed out loud when you saw this?

What the hell's funny about this? Because look at him. The robot's got sunglasses. This is like a million-tier. Humid comedy. So it's Super Killer. He's got a vest, a furred vest, and two watches. He's got like a watch.

He's got, this is going to be a little super killer emblem they's wearing. Yeah, yeah. And the robot has, no, the robot. I mean, it's no gremlins too. Even the robots blinged out, baby. The idea being that he has access to, you know, infinite funds when he's in these universes so he can just go wild, baby. And this is good. This is good.

She's going to what is the point of all this? And is there going to be, you know what? Is that concept going to be explained over the top of this? Like, like, no, it will not. Everything you just said, will that be in a little speech bubble? Well, there'll be a, there's going to be a, there's going to be a, be a little caption here. It's not going to be in a little speech bubble.

But, you know, like, he's thinking this or he's narrating it. Like, and in this universe, I have a ton of money. On the previous page, on the previous page, he explains that one of his, you know, the most valuable power he has access to is an infinite credit line when he gets into these universes. And then here's a picture of him. Here's a picture of how he's spending that money, baby. It's like show and tell. Well, this is, it's a comical reveal where you go, yeah, it's, it's not a, it's not, it's

not a tell. Whatever. You overanalyze this stuff. Anyway, I saw that panel. I saw that panel. I was laughing. I was laughing. There's a lot of good gags.

A lot of good gags in the next one. First one, terrible. First book, the gags are terrible. Second one, you're going to be dying. Okay. The Pope for 10. Hey, the funniest bit of the show is Rick telling Vito. He would only communicate about the show in comms.

but now he ignores it. And we don't have a bonus episode for the content that we pay for. Love the Pope. We could do one next week. We could do a bonus episode next week. We need a topic, though. How about this is coming tinnitus?

Well, I did write down ocean problems, and then you changed the topic at the last minute. So, yeah, we could do the ocean. Okay, well, we could just do the ocean episode because now I have ocean problems, even though they're probably dog shit. Wait, isn't, is this some stuff happening? I mean, it's America's birthday.

Is there nothing we can do? Okay, America's birthday. About America 250 or something? Yeah, yeah. It's the biggest problem in American history. That's a good one. That's a good one. Like, yeah.

Classic tales from American history. Okay, good one. Not the Mothman for two. Eva's okay. But why does Pen Pen know how to read? That beats me. I had a buddy who watched all of Evangelion and his biggest complaint. He goes, well, what happened to the

penguin at the end? I go, you're not really supposed to think about the penguin. The penguins... There's a penguin? Yeah, it's kind of an unexplored plot thread. One of the characters has a penguin. It's not crucial what happened to the penguin. So it's like a chungis, cork chungis kind of movie? It's a quark chungis from the 90s.

You can have cork chungis in the 90s. You had little mascots and shit. Actually, the ultimate quirk chungis was the fucking bleeding blue-haired girl who ended up spawning an entire... This is why you're going to watch Evangelion is because all the anime you watch now dates back to

1995. Shut up. I'm sure you're watching something. No. Okay? Animation in general. Animation in general dates back to a little bleeding blue-haired girl and every virile Japanese man in the country going, I got to protect that little bleeding

girl. What? And the entire Moe, all that Moe culture that fucking destroyed anime forever at all? stems back to Evangelian. Moe. What's Moe? Moe is the idea, the best I can describe it, is watching, seeing something so cute that you want to protect it.

You know, like a puppy or a little fucking anime girl. You go, oh, I'm going to protect that little anime girl. Now, the puppy's normal. The anime girl is a pedophile. Well, all anime girls are designed to look like cats. You know this. I mean, it sounds like

another's quichung- kind of thing. No, the reason anime girls appeal to the human brand. It's like what fucking what's his name did with Avatar.

Okay, where you go, remember all those people wanted to live in Pandora? And you go, well, yeah, because he designed them

as giant blue cats. So they naturally, if you look at them for profile, have, you know, the features of a fucking feline cat.

And it's the same with anime girls with the little fucking snub-noses and shit. They're all cats. Even the ones that aren't,

aren't cats. Have the MythBusters heard about this? I'll look I have, I think they have like a thing that shows it. All anime girls are cats.

Like a schizo movie about it, how this is true? I think that and this explains why here. You guys are gay? All anime characters are just cats

are all anime girls. And here's the end of redid. Yeah, look up if birds are real. You're going to find some weirdo talking about. how animas are cats All right, here we go So all anime girls and guys

Are just cats And that's why again There's that instinctual weird desire Where you're like oh it's so cute I want to protect it because it has the exact same profile How is it exactly the same It's totally different It's an animal

No it's not look It's got the fucking the nose And then look our mouths If you look at profile You know and you got like a guy chin And then look at this It overlays perfectly the big eyes. The big eyes is a big thing. Okay.

So you. The reason the, the reason the anime art style appeals to people is the big eyes and the shirt nose. What do you say? Sonic the Hedgehog is a cat? Because he's got big eyes? No, but look, look at how easy it is to take a cat and turn it into a girl. That's just some idiot drew. Some weird furry drew that. Look, why does this, which does not resemble an actual human being, appeal to the psyche of all these young

men and it's because they're adorable little animals. That's it. They're cats. They're all cats. What does a stick man look like then? What animal? Is it like a horse? What does the fucking stick man look like? I'm just saying that's, again, when people went, oh, I want to live on Avatar with Pandora, you go, well, yeah, because you give him giant eyes and they'll look like cat people.

Is this a cat? Is this a stick man? A cat? No, that's not a cat. That's different. When does it become a cat? Because I put a little nose there. Is that a cat? Here. Is that a cat now?

The modern Moe anime characters designed with cat-like features. What are you talking about Moe? Moe, baby. Moei definition. No, no, no, no. Moe is a Japanese term referring to feelings of strong affection, adoration, or devotion, particularly towards fictional characters. It is triggered by a character's overwhelming, cuteness, innocence, or vulnerability.

So you see a cute little anime girl and you go, well, it's not that I want to fuck that little anime girl. He said, I have to protect her from the world. And again, it all stems back to Ray Ayyanami bleeding. And Shinji's dad going, hey, Shinji, you got to pilot that robot. And he goes, I don't want to pilot the robot. He goes, if you don't pilot the robot, I'm going to put that bitch in the robot. He goes, ah, that's a real dilemma. That's a real Sophie's choice.

His dad was going to put the bitch back in the robot. He's like, well, she's already bleeding. I can't let you put her back in the robot. This is the fundamental underpinning of all modern animation. Is one bleeding blue-haired girl? Is lemon grab a cat? A fucking 14-year-old Japanese boy going, I got to get the robot.

Are they going to hurt that girl? I'd rather hear about magic than this shit. Well, speaking of the new magic card. Nintendo made Baldards for two. I did get some, I did get my Iron Man card today. movies before Super Killer Miserable Mets fan for five Thank you guys for the countless hours of entertainment

I appreciate what you guys do Where's my comic fat boy Cody Titus for two I ran out of beer And the struggle is real Very funny A Jew H boy for 20 My daughter was born last Monday

It was an Indian doctor And I just death stared him Touching my kid for like 10 seconds And the left awkwardly Yeah good Don't take any shit from those guys Probably degree wasn't real probably was just delivered by a random guy

LJ. Claibino for two American History XL Pig Hot Dog. Boulder for two, Hirstry. Justin Brodick for two. Vito have Ray Ray do your super killer art. Ten letters for two. Am I keen-shaven? I would have Ray-Rae do a cover. What would you feed me Vito? I am clean-shaven. What would I feed you? What would I feed you? Did you get your Warstorm Surge promo card yet, Dick? What is that?

It's a new Marvel card only available in Avengers something. You got to buy a comic book to get it. And you did? No, I had to buy it on the secondhand market. The comic was already sold out. I went to the comic shop and I said,

you guys got that new Avengers comic? And the guy went, no. And I went, that's how they get you. Oh, that's cool. I did buy six copies of the new Final Fantasy game. on the Nintendo Switch, though. Why? Because each of them comes with a Zach Fair

promo card exclusive to the day one edition of Final Fantasy Rebirth on the Nintendo Switch 2. I don't have a Nintendo Switch 2, but you can sell the promo card. I'm going to keep the promo. Well, now I can sell the game for like 30 bucks and keep the $30 promo card.

It's just free money at that point. Okay. All right. Goodbye, everyone. You know the price of the Switch 2 is going up. But changing the price. Bye. Bye. Bye. Goodbye.

That's a wrap. All right. All right. Bye. Bye.