The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 236

Episode Date: August 15, 2026

Okay, but it's not like a common problem. It's very common. That's hurting me. I do not deserve to be hurt. So they're supporting our journey. Isn't that great? And welcome! Do this thing.

Wow! I'm so excited. It is the biggest problem in the universe. Episode 236 with my good friend, Josh Denny, who's doing the exact same thing I'm doing in this heat, which is constantly adjusting my glasses, which are, oh my God, it's too. fucking hot in California right now. When you take your glasses off, it's like your eyes disappear.

They just turn into slits. They just turn into slits. I, dude, people, I've had people be like, you should get a, you know, Lasic or whatever. I'm like, I'm a skeleton man without these fucking things. They're little tiny fucking pupils. If I have the glasses, at least it looks like I

have a cartoon fucking eyes. Yeah. Something in there. It looks like shrunken. It looks like you're turning into the people in your neighborhood. I think the longer you live in an Asian neighborhood, yes, you do start to take on traits of your neighbors. I've been smelling their cat barbecues all summer and I go. Oh, my God. Maybe one of these days I'll slip on over and get myself a paw.

Cat barbecues? This is why I don't go south of the 10 ever. That's why when my cat went missing, I went, well, at least, at least there's a family. was eating good tonight. Wow. At least somebody's having orange, orange tail. Well, guys, welcome to the biggest problem in the universe with my good friend,

Josh Denny, friend of the show. Thank you. That's been a while since we've had you on. Josh, what's been going on in your life? Absolutely nothing. Keeping the comedy flowing. You know, just pissing people off on Twitter. Like I like to do.

I saw that. I saw that. What did you tweet this week that everybody's like pissed off about or something? I just said something about my intelligence being a problem in all my relationships and that I think women actually resent men of high intelligence. And that just turned to everybody going, look at this fat so bitching. He doesn't get pussy. I was like, I don't think that's what I said, but okay.

I'm trying to find this tweet because I had multiple people come to me and they're like, what is Josh talking about? You got to talk about this tweet. And I was like, I don't know, man. Okay, wait. I posted earlier. Man, you've been going all day at these people. Yeah, well, I got multiple threads going now.

Who seems to be the most mad at you? Is it women are the most mad? Well, the men defending women. Mps, yeah, there's a lot of simpage in the comments. It's all anonymous leftist people for the most part. Yeah, two, two, two 24. That's pretty decent. 224,000 views is pretty big.

All right. Josh Danny says, I'll be 43 in a week. I've been mostly single for the past 18 months. And I'm now realizing my intelligence is the biggest issue in my relationships, not getting older fat, not having professional failures. Look at the dating site blurbs. No woman ever lists high IQ or intelligence in their wants section. Women despise men of high intelligence. And I've been seeing a lot of quote tweets from women going, whenever you say my dating struggles because I'm too awesome, stop yourself.

Oh, yeah. No. This person agrees with me. Oh, no, wait, way, way. They're saying it's my big tight ass. Women despise women with big tight asses. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know. Well, a lot of people are coming at you. And then they love to take the post. People who don't have pictures love to post your picture and just go, you sure about that? You sure about that? It's like, I remember that. I remember this shirt. This was the shirt Kiwi Farms tried to convince everyone was coded pedophile.

Yeah. Signals. They said, of course, he wore a shirt with trying. on it because he was trying to fuck all the kids in the audience. I know. First of all, there were no kids in the audience. There were none. Right. We had no, there were zero kids. It wasn't even like, they're friends of our friends kit. No, there were no kids. I mean, we do have to be, we do have to be kind of real is there are a lot of dumb bitches. Well, it's not even about, this is what I think is hilarious. And this happens every time I have

something go viral. Everyone gets mad at shit that I didn't say. So everyone goes, you're mad that don't get pussy. I never said, I'm having trouble dating guys. I just said, actually, now that I think about it, in all my relationships, intelligence, you are having trouble dating guys. Yes. Yeah. The biggest problem is how I wish I could turn gay. It would be my life would be so much better. And then when we divorce, I could have. We all know this. That's part of what home of Homophobia is looking at gay guys and going, you guys just get to fuck and get, you know, that's it. And there's no fighting about it.

Two incomes. And all day fucking. It doesn't matter. We both have life insurance. One of us dies. We just keep banging and keep it moving. Yeah, the gays look, that's always been the thing as you go. At the end of the day, how can I really criticize the gays when they realize,

hey, if we just fuck each other, there's going to be a lot less arguing. And even if we do argue it's going to be fun and catty, like, oh, you're such a bitch. I think the only, I think the only reason we don't do it is because most of us would be like, it's not that bad. And then we would have a real choice to make. We would go, not that bad. There's a decision point to be made. Everything else is fucking fantastic.

I mean, I don't see a lot of unhappy gaze in that, not in this city. It's like, you drive through West Hollywood, everybody's having fun. I think the most important thing is I've never had any of my gay friends come to me going, man, I just, Carlos took half my stuff and he took the kids and I don't know how I'm going to rebuild. Yeah, guys just go, yeah, I stopped fucking Carlos. Now I'm fucking Jim. And you're like, that's awesome. Yeah, Jim's great. I love fucking Jim.

Yeah. Everybody's just fucking none of this matters. Like a gay breakup is so easy. If I go, I've pounded this ass long enough. There's got to be another ass I could pound out there. Let's go pound some other asses. I got to be honest. I feel like a gay relationship. If I was in one, it would probably end the same way that my last relationship ended, which is, listen, when I leave here, I'm going to get wrecked by an entire chain of black men. And I'm like, you both do that. That's what you both do. So I've had too many friends getting destroyed by their relationships with women lately, where I go, I don't even know what you do with it.

I mean, dude, I was in a long-term relationship for like six, seven years. And when I got out of it, I said, I don't think I can do that again. That was fucking nutty, man. Yeah, I went 12 and like, you know, it's been over for almost two years. But you still have days where you wake up or you, you like watch something on TV or somebody tells you something. And it brings back like a thing from fucking 10 years ago. And you go, oh, that fucking bitch.

I remember what I mean? It's just like, you just go, oh, I fucking remember. that like you know you'll you'll you'll walk by you'll walk by uh you'll walk by like um douche in the fucking store and yeah yeah the male sanitary aisle yeah yeah yeah not a douche the douche you walk by you walk by one of those fucking vagasil joints or whatever in the store and you go remember that time in 2017 when i came home off the road and was gone and she was like can you run out and get this for me. I have a yeast infection. Was she fucking somebody else? You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know. You're coming up. You're coming up with like what was going on. What was going on in 2017 when I had a TV show and I was leaving for weeks at a time. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She was fucking black guys, man. Listen, I mean, my relationship ended perfectly. There were always new Jordans around the apartment. I should have known. She's like, I'm a sneaker head. I didn't know that that's what that meant. See, I was fighting with.

with my girlfriend for the longest time. And then I kind of started blown up on YouTube. And I said, okay, now is the time I'm going to move down to Los Angeles. And she was like, oh, yeah, you're going to go find us a place in Los Angeles? I'm like, yes, us. I'm going to find us a place in Los Angeles. And in the back of my head, I'm going, how do I get out of this? I just got to get, I got to escape from this fucking relationship.

And then one day, she comes home and she's like, I need you to know. I need to sit down. I need to tell you something. I've been cheating on you. and I had to go oh my god I can't believe this and in the back of my head I'm going this is the grab out I'm out I'm fucking out and the funniest thing was the guy she she was dating man uh I'm not gonna go too into it I don't think he listens to this but he was like kind of like a nerdy reserved I think she wanted somebody she could beat up on a little easier and he was like hey man I hope everything's cool man I'm like yeah it's cool you guys are gonna be great you guys seem great together it's like yeah hey I heard you into heard you're into magic you're into magic you were cards. I'm like, I am into magic cards. He said, well, I go to these magic cards I don't want. And I'm like, I'm getting a dowry on the way out. This is awesome. That is such a you thought. Dude, not only was there a clean break, but this dude gave me like $500 worth of magic cards. I'm like, this is the best fucking breakup I can never think of. I can't think of anything better than this.

Mine was brutal. It only, it only, it took like a month for her to get moved out. Because when you live with somebody for 12, oh, that's the worst when you're trapped in the apartment. and she's a worse hoarder than you are so it was like yeah piles of nonsense that took forever to fucking pack up and i'm just like if i knew there was this much shit in here to help you pack i would have just murdered us both you're just silently like treading around each other you just go man i get why guys murder suicide because i don't want to pack all this shit up and move her out but you know i listen i did i'm a good guy right like i i just was like you know you know i i just was like know and I will say there's a part of you that's relieved because you know it's obviously it wasn't it wasn't good there were good parts but you were like this should have had when I was done

and out of it I was like I should have done that 10 years ago yeah well that's always the thing is like you're in it for so long that you go I don't know how to do anything else and then what you're like it's like institutionalized it's like when Brooks was in prison in shawshank and you're just like I don't know how to be on the outside which by the way for the last year I've dealt with where I'm like I don't know how to be back out here again. So you do what any normal man does and you rebound with a girl who's 17 years younger than you. I think that is the way to go about it. I'm glad you're making it work, man.

It's fun. Well, I'm glad you're still out there. You're still doing comedy. You're here with us tonight on the biggest problem in the universe. And we're going to get into it. I got comments. Oh, on last show we had Billy the Fridge, a good friend of mine, Orange Mint 1365 says

Best part was Billy accidentally calling Vito Boogie. I don't know where that fucking came from. I could see it. Did they have that new, do you see that new documentary about that EDP guy? No, no, I don't watch. I'm saying you're aware of it. No, I'm not. No, I'm not.

The old guy's a fat black guy who tried to meet a 13 year old girl and they got to make a whole documentary about it. Boogie's in the documentary and I go, what is, what is Boogie going to say about fucking child predators and shit. It's weird to see

internet guys who have no fucking business commenting on any of this being like, well, you know, it's really bad what he did. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, boogie. They're going to get you next. It's like when an NFL player talks about another NFL player beating his wife and he's like, yeah, I know we're not opposed to do that.

You know, and I just feel real bad for my brother and my teammate that he got caught up in that, but you know, I'll see y'all. 45 and famously he started dating this weird 19 year old fucking girl so I'm going boogie you're like the last guy to be talking about you know any of this shit is you're like you're lucky she squeaked over the fucking age line but you're a you're a 450 pound man dying of fucking diabetes you go here's my 19 year old girlfriend she lives with me now uh dude I remember when

uh I remember when you go I remember when I was like I remember when I was in my 20s and I was like, I'll never hit 300. And then you live with a woman and you go through a pandemic and you learn how to cook and you just love food. And then you go, I'll never hit 400. Right. Like I'm sure. I'll never 400 pounds. So yeah, it's funny how the this like I used to watch guys that were 600 pounds.

I'm like, how do you ever? Like I'm, I was like at the time I was like 240 or 250. Yeah. And I was like, how do you ever get this? 600 and I just go, no, I get it. I get it just. Oh, dude. If I wanted to get to 600, it would be so easy. Oh, it would take no amount of effort. I'm like, I can get there. Yeah. But I, you know, at a certain point in the day ago, you go, buddy. Dude, I, it is true that as a fat guy, you see like the super heavy fat guys and you go, well, at least I never have to be one of those

guys, you know. Yeah. I, it does take a certain amount of like completely giving up on like, I'll at least go for a walk around the block, you know. I'll go, oh, a little bit of sun would do me good. I think these guys just literally, you know, they never leave the house, man. Whose son are you talking about? You sick. No, the beautiful sun, the sun in the sky. Patrick for 8606 says, I must admit, Dick is committed to this leaving the show bit.

Yeah, he's really hamming it up. I wonder what he's going to get over that. Martin says, bring in Maddox as co-host for 50% of total earnings. all the money in the world. Maddox was streaming recently on Twitch, and somebody in the chat said, hey, did you see all the messages I sent you about that Vito guy? He's a real bad guy.

And Maddox said, yes, I have read them. Thank you for letting me know. And I'm like, ah, well, there goes my chance of any Maddox collaborations. He's already got, can you guys stop fucking up? Shit, man. Stop fucking going and making backgroup deals. Going, oh, Maddox, Vito's a bad guy.

Don't talk to fucking Vito. I'd love to get Maddox on a show, but I think he's been poisoned against me. That would be the ultimate betrayal. Why would you do that? Betrayal of who? The guy who, you inherited this from? He wouldn't give a shit. He doesn't give a shit.

He would love that. He would be so happy because you know what he would do is he would watch it on his fucking show and you get a bunch of views going, oh, look, see, those two retards got together. Why are you giving him a dago accent? He's a dago. Let's be real. No, he's not. Come on.

You're the Dago. What are we talking about? I'm sorry. I'm not good at my racial slurs. I'm the Dago. You're rusty. He's a, what do you call it? He's a brown.

Well, he's a bean eater. He's a beanman. Anger is 17th says I watch on Saturday mornings. The countdown is perfect for making my coffee and getting in the mindset for the show, bring it back. I don't think the countdown is smart or makes sense. Maybe it does. I have it decided.

but let me know in the comments if you want these shows to start with a countdown. I don't actually... The problem with the countdown is like if somebody new finds the show, they go, oh, it's like five minutes of countdowns. I'm just going to never watch this, you know? Being on YouTube, people either start watching your video or they run away and then they don't watch it. So you kind of got to hook them quick. Josh, you got any projects recently?

Any podcasts coming up? I know you and Carl were having fun for a while. Yeah, we're working on some new stuff. You know, we're both, we're both like, uh, I don't want to go into too much detail, but we're both dealing with like 40 year old guy shit now, like getting older and. Yeah, he's dating, right? You're dating. But shit starts breaking down on the car when you cross 40.

So, you know, you got to start like taking your health more seriously and everything else. So I don't know. I think the break, I think the break has been good for us because we've just been living, you know, had a decent enough year last year to where I could work less this year. And also like when the Charlie Kirk thing happened and we had to cancel a bunch of shows, which we will reschedule at some point. It was like it was nice. Why'd you have to cancel because it's Charlie Kirk?

Because like. And Anthony, like everybody was like, you know, first of all, we had a bunch of people immediately like refund their tickets because they're like, we don't want to go to anything. We don't want to get shot by Antifas. And, uh, which, you know, we did have. Man, one gay kid really does. then trickles throughout the whole fucking that's been the worst part of it.

Dude, you guys got such a win on the conservative side as you go, look, the fucking gays of the trans are killing us. And Candace Owens has to go, no, it's the Zionist, the Zionist. You got a good fucking thing here, man, just run with it, you know? No, she can't. She can't help herself.

She's got to peel back. She's got to get, she's going to find a part of the onion that none of us know exists. She's going to pull back to nobody later. We're going to go, oh my God. if you keep peeling, it takes you to another dimension. Oh, stop. Every fucking layer of the onion is Jews, more Jews, other Jews, brown Jews, black Jews. I got it.

The Jews did everything. Jesus Christ, lady. If you keep peeling, you end up in Zion. I don't know if you know. That's where it goes. The Matrix tears away and he goes, welcome to the resistance brother. And you're like, whoa, whoa. People just fucking a big crowd.

And you go, what is like Woodstock? No, this is Zion. on. Who's the president here? Data Pinkett Smith. You're like, kill me. Shoot me now. Plug me back in. Shoot me and then plug me back in. That was the most interesting part of Zion. You go, who's in charge here? And it's like a bunch of black people. And you're like, oh. Absolutely not.

I'm like, that's good. Is there any like white guys helping or something? And they're like, oh, well, it worked out for them. And then you watch this. You go, what kind of retarded transes wrote this? And you go, oh, shit. Boy, did I not know. Dude, that stuff is, it's in the discourse right now. Right now, Lily Wachowski's trying to make a movie. And then everybody doesn't want to talk about what the movie's about. They're like, I don't understand why Lily Wachowski can't get $10 million to make the movie.

And I looked it up in the movies about a future dystopia where trans people are discriminated against. And they have to rise up and kill all the cis people. And again, yeah, that's probably why you ain't getting funding anytime soon. It's trans-kiminator is. what it is. We're going to send you... I'm the Transinator. I've come back in time

to make sure your child starts on cross-sex hormones. I need your clothes. Oh, thanks, Transnator. I need your clothes. You're boots. Your penis and your mother. I need your clothes.

Your purse, your lipstick. I want to look good tonight. I'm the Transinator. Transinator goes into the women's bathroom. They go, hey, no men allowed in here. all bit back comes back wearing falsies and a fucking wig. Just the wig. Just the wig.

None of them can say anything. He's looking for Sarah Connor. Sarah Connor's hiding in the women's bathroom. Two people. The Transinator knows. Two people just standing next to each other. The six looks all right to me. I got no problem with this.

Some lady. Yeah. I am completely at ease with the Transonator. President King Jenner in that movie. She'll do it. We'll do it. Well, guys, it's time for a very favorite segment. I call Vote it up.

We're talking to take past problems, put them in a new light, and I didn't want to waste all our trans talk because we got a pressing issue. From episode 10, it's the problem of trans athletes. Josh, can you imagine that five years later we're still talking about this shit? It's great. WNBA on Wednesday. Don't be mad. that these black guys took your bit and did it better and further and harder and more.

Man, I have thought about another guy goes, I'm going to play in the WFBA. See, that's the worst part is I have the female ID, but I'm like, well, what am I going to do? I can't fucking, I guess I could get somebody to teach me how to play basketball. Should be at least during some ladies nights out there. I don't know what the fuck you're doing. I tried pulling that once and the bouncer was really mad. The bouncer was like, I looked at the sign. was like, you know, ladies, you know, get in free tonight. And I said, oh, that's awesome.

Here's my ID. And the bouncer looked at me. He's like, come on, man. I was like, what? It says it on the ID. You should have sued that whole. You should have shoot that whole could have. I really should have. You're doing. You're, you're half foot in on this bit. You got to go all the way. Get your tits done. Why are we still? I'm not half in, but I don't want to argue with the big black guy outside the club that he's got to let me into the club for free. I'm like, I don't listen. You don't got to cut your dick off. I do this. I do this. You don't got to cut your dick off. I do think you have to buy some tits i think that's buy them they came free with the package baby i'm good good to go you still get them done you got to get them done all i know josh is that the w nba currently

trying to figure out this uh question of who is allowed to play in the w nba well they said they were going to meet and figure it out but on wednesday they criticize those trying to create a narrative about trans women playing in the WNBA. Currently, the Leagues Collective Bargaining Agreement states only players who are women are eligible to play in the WNBA but does not have specific languages about gender identity or sex assigned at birth. Last Friday, two former NBA players in his canter freedom and Royce White declared themselves eligible for the WNBA draft.

A league spokesperson said, there are no immediate eligibility matters affecting the WNBA, And we strongly denounce the bad faith efforts to use these topics to demean or marginalize others. This came hours after an anti-hate task force met virtually. Why are we already at the point of the anti-hate task force? Where's the hate? What's the hate?

Two beautiful women are saying, I can't wait to play basketball. I'm going to play me some basketball. And if you don't want them to play basketball, you got to give them a reason. Why can't they play their ladies? Imagine being told that you can't be on the team because you're big, juicy hog. Because, yeah,

they're every bit as eligible as anybody else. Does that trip you up because you thought I was talking about your hog? You're like, I don't know. I was like, hold on. Let me process that. A big juicy hog.

You actually thought I was talking about barbecue, didn't you? You were just like, I was. I got a little hungry for a while and outdoor barbecue have to do with it. Look, uh, I don't understand why this is so hard,

man. Just go, yeah, guys can't play in the WNBA. I think that's all you got to say. You just go, yeah, guys can't play. And they go, well, who's a guy? And you go, eh, you know, like guys.

Like, people with penises, I guess. People with penises. Yeah. I don't know, man. Is that crazy? If you have a penis, you can't be in the WNBA? Yeah, I mean, I think it's pretty fucking obvious. What are we talking about?

That's what I'm saying is like, why is there all the hand ringing? Why is there the task forces and whatever else? I know neither of us have a lot of black friends, but I do know enough about basketball to know that there's one rule of the WMBA is that the WMBA means no penises. That's what I thought. You're living in a normal world. I thought no penises. And definitely no slam dunks.

I guess they go hand in hand. So those are the two requirements in the WMB. You're not allowed to dunk and you're not allowed to dink. Those are the two things. So apparently the WNBA is actually like making a little bit of money now. like people are a little bit hype about it what's that lady they like kately clark or whatever she's great you know kately clark let me tell you the most up there's i got a couple of racist things that happen to me this year that are going to be in my new comedy hour but one of them

is black people hate black women in the wmba hate kately clark so much that i want to fuck her more than anybody on her i find her to be because she's so universally hated by black people makes her hotter to me i don't know why why is she better at black like are black women were they like kind of phoning it in were they kind of like of course we're to be better at basketball we're black women and then a white lady showed up and she says well i just kind of studied fundamentals and like dribbling and shooting and passing you guys know you can actually shoot from outside the three point line right yeah she yeah she tried to get good at basketball and is the best one of the best in the world if not the best in the world

i mean is that just kind of like it kind of seems like female this also tells you just how awful ugly black women are because the minute that a six white girl went into the wmba they're like she's a star she's the important of the lady like she's a fucking Iowa farm girl like she's the girl in school you'd go like man if i want to fuck her i'm going to have to go over and feed some horses and shit right like that was i went to i went to high school with girls like that it was as hot as it got in austin minnesota and you know I don't think she's a bad, you know, she's like a, she's maybe a seven at least. You're going to put her at six?

Yeah. I mean, she's attended because of how much she's hated in this. I guess from the, on the fat guy scale, we're like 10, 10, 10, 10. Yeah. You know, it seems like they are jealous of her. I think the hot guys would rate her. You know, she's a 15 for guys like us, but. I don't know, man.

I'm still not watching. I mean, I don't watch a lot of sports to being with. I'm probably not the metric for that. But I go whenever I've tuned into a WNB, game. I go, ah, it's a lot of low scoring shitty passes. People fumbling the fucking ball or whatever. They don't. Well, I know it's not a fumble. What do you call it? A turnover. There you go. I know the terms. Well, I'm saying, like, if you're dribbling and you fuck up dribbling, what you call it a fribble? You know, you fumbled the dribble. You said turtimer and you were like, hmm, apple. I said fribble and I started

thinking about friendlies at restaurants, which are famously defunct now. Uh, uh, I, Look, this seems like a problem that should have been solved a while ago. And I don't know why. Like liberals just can't, they always have to meet. They have to have little meetings where they go, well, how do we avoid pissing off crazy people? And I think at this point, you got to, you saw even AOC was like, oh, we're done with woke one or whatever. Are you talking about my ex-wife that I would ask you to not talk about that? AOC.

Oh, is that your former lover, AOC? Yeah, you see it. Who's now harvesting her eggs or whatever, because she's. getting prepared to make the next generation of liberal super babies yeah she can't she told me straight up we were together for a long time and my you know fiance aOC told me she's like listen i mean i can't be president with a white husband and i was like i get it so it'll be her and mom domi you know that's the way it's got to be yeah she's got to have she's like i got to have muslim babies and i i was like i got it i understand and this is the thing is like and you're going to love this because

you fucking fags this is i see i couldn't help my yourself. You're good. You're good. You're going to love it. You're going to like get one. Right. Everybody gets one. Yeah, yeah. Everyone gets one. This is the thing is like you can't help yourself. This is the, this is the thing. We had it. Like conservatives had it. Everybody love Trump, everything else. All Trump had to do was not get in bed with Israel. That's all he had to do was just not jump. Just don't. Why did you guys think he wasn't going to do that? Obviously he was going to do that. All he had to do is not do that. And now, basically what the Democratic socialists are going to do is they're going to go, listen, if we do the socialism and the communism, at least it's only going to stay in America and we're

not going to be spending money overseas. And everyone's going to go, I guess that's a good point. So they're just, they're going to socialism as a good argument. It's a good argument for communism. Now we're running our campaign. That's what I would do. I would just go, listen, at least if we do socialism, all the money stays in the United States. I mean, well, I guess I'd rather give it to Roger than to Hababababababab. Yeah. Hey, America, are you tired of giving money to Jews? I am tired of that.

Well, if I got a pitch for you, it's called communism. And that's good. He's going to win. I said it. I said it before. I go, wait in line for bread with all your friends. It's going to be fun. You're going to love it.

Yeah. I think they're going to sell it. I think, well, they got a good sales pitch. They got some attractive people behind it. That's the other thing, man. The Democrats have all the fun, young faces, the mom Donnie's dancing and playing songs. You know, it gets people hyped up. But here's the thing.

Here's the only way they're going to ruin it is if they let these six foot 10 super blacks play in the W&A. They're going to hand it right back to J.D. Vance. I mean, see, this is this is why this is going to be interesting is they know they can't let, you know, these big old guys. guys play women's basketball. So the question is, will they just be normal for once and go, yeah, men can't play women's basketball. Sorry men. Or will it be this fucking, it's what the liberals always do is they come up with this roundabout fucking way. Well, if your inner soul in your women brain doesn't align with your transgender, you know, polarity, then we're going to have they're going to fucking set up e-meters, man. They're going to have like Scientology.

just fucking handles you have to hold on to and it's going to go yeah that's a lady she's thinking about lady shit we already have this they're called IQ tests me though the black those don't work those don't work that guys are going to pass with flying colors listen I think if you test me you'll know I'm not a man I am certainly will not pass as a man up here so yeah they're going to be in the women percentile it's going to run it's going to run all the way down to the wire.

I think it's going to be Mexican standoff to where I think the league's going to see if these guys would actually suit up and take the court. And I think they should. And I'm here for it. I hope it happens. I think what they'll do, they're going to go, you have to, they're going to try and do like an Olympic committee thing. And they're going to go, you have to get hormones for like a year, right?

So the question is going to be which black guy is brave enough to just go, fuck it. And just do the hormones for like, you only got to do it for one year. You know, you might get a little bit of titty fucking tissue. You might soften the face. But then you're going to be playing in WNBA and everyone's going to love you. So I'm hoping they called the bluff. We'll see.

Transathletes currently number 37 with 817 up votes. Don't forget to vote it up. Guys, from episode 21, this is the problem of dead celebrity endorsements. Josh, how do you feel about this kind of shit? Netflix today announced that Wanka's The Golden Ticket will premiere globally on September 23rd, inviting audiences into a thrilling new competition based on Raul Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Twelve lucky golden ticket winners. Are they not going to put the tickets in chocolate bars?

Come on. That's the whole thing. Please tell me this is going to be on Epstein's Island. Please tell me that that's what they decided to do. We've rented a private island. with its own chapel and dentist chair for some fucking reason. That would be a better thing. Survive Epstein's Island.

Yeah. Yeah. Set up all sorts of traps and nonsense. Funny enough, my ex-girlfriend would also die in the chocolate river at that place. Twelve lucky contestants will step through the gates of Wonka's chocolate factory into a world of pure imagination. Shut the fuck up. Here's the weird shit.

Adding to the nostalgia. The golden ticket will feature the recreated voice of Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka, honoring the legendary performances that enchanted generations. So as these contestants are going through Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory, the dead voice of Gene Wilder is going to go for the next chocolate immunity challenge. You're going to have to swim through the lollipop river. Why wouldn't they just use Salome? He played Wonka most recently and is very...

There's so many options. There's so many options. I don't think you need the voice of fucking Gene Wilder to have a Wanka competition. Anybody could be Wanka. It could disembodied. What's the point? He was like Oz. You could be behind the curtain, a fucking shadow.

Just anybody could do it. This is you make play Wanka, isn't it? I'd see it. I could be a great Wanka. Welcome to a world of candy. Delicious tasty candy for all the children. Children and chocolate. But my two passions.

Hey, listen, if you ask me to family feud what's stored in your garage, those would be the top two choices. You want to know something, though? I don't even think this is like a competition for kids. I think it's like adults, which makes it even worse. It's like a bunch of adults running around the chocolate factory. Yeah, that's terrible.

It should be a kid and an adult. It should be a father and son or whatever. That was what the fucking whole point of the original thing. It should have to be your grandfather that you share a bed with. I think those are the rules. I think you should be one of those people. You should come from a place where you share a bed with your grandfather, then you go to a chocolate factory.

More than five decades after Gene brought Willie Wonka Life, people of all ages and backgrounds, whatever. Basically, Gene Wilder's wife is saying, this is going to be great. I'm so, you know, and Gene would have loved this? You go, would Gene would have loved this or do you love this? Right. Do you love the fact that they have to come to you and go,

here's a million dollars for your dead husband's voice? Here's what I find. You want to love Richard Pryor. I don't think Gene really about this. Here's what I find more fascinating, though. The series will also welcome back Rusty Goff, who appeared in the original 1971 film and will reprise his role as an umpah lupa.

Is there a 60-year-old midget who is in fucking Willie Wonka and the Chalkin' Factor and he's still alive? Whoa, whoa, well, how old is this fucking guy? Little person, first of all, little person. I did not realize. I thought all these, dude, there's a 77 year old little person. Pretty, that's impressive. I don't think they usually go that far.

Dude, I thought normally they die at like 50 or something. It's like, uh, didn't Billy Barney die at like a hundred years old or something? He lived a long time. Well, apparently he's best known from Willie Wagon of the Chalk Factory, a new hope. Was he inside the R2D2? And he played Goober on stupid, whatever the fuck, a British, I have known what it is. How old is Warwick Davis? he's my favorite he's got the little legs how old is warwick davis warwick davis warwick davis

i think he's pronounced warwick but fuck him he has little legs you're like he is also getting up there in age huh but he was like a 60s well he was like a little kid when he was like a little kid midget which was like kind of the best kind of midget because you got all this midgeting ahead of when he did willow he was 18 years old when he did willow yeah yeah so he was like he was like a little and when he was dude because he he was an ewalk before that he yeah yeah he starred in willow at 18 years old and was incredible he's only 56 dude if he was in what do you call it willow at 1988 but if he was in when did the fucking uh return of the jedi come was like 85 or something so he was like 18 or 16 he was playing a little fucking teddy yeah yeah yeah

defying the odds well good for all good for all of them you ever watch life's too short with him and ricky jervais and oh my god i did i did see i've seen clips i've never watched full episode oh you got it's just ricky laughing at his condition it's i it was look at it's we got to we got to talk to the bbc because everything we think is hilarious still flies over there you just can't tweet or they'll arrest you it is interesting the uh cultural divide where i don't know man it's like what i don't know it's too much to par's where you go, wait, why does that fly over there? And then over here, I go, uh, what we're talking about.

And you need to do cartoons, though. It seems like if you do a cartoon, you can do anything. Oh, yeah, did you watch rape, you can do racism, you can do anything. Did you, well, you can't do them. You can write them into the show video. You can't act. No, you can do them. You can just be super fucking racist.

It's great. Uh, no, did you watch Ricky's new show Alley Cats on Netflix? No, did that just come out? Why does that guy always have a new show? Well, he doesn't always. It's an animated thing. Yeah, it's really good. There's only six, like, short episodes.

It's really funny. I don't know. Why is there always, it always seems like there's a new comedy about what it's like to be a cat. Am I crazy? Maybe in your world you see them all, but I, I don't watch a lot of cat shows. I mean, it's always been like Heathcliff. Garfield, Heathcliff. At one point, Seth Green, I think it was making one about cats who gets stoned.

Oh yeah, that's right. There was that one. I think I could still sing the Heathcliff theme song. I think that's still buried in my mind. I can't remember the Heathcliff theme song at all. I was a big Garfield. I remember the Garfield Christmas special. Now, that was a good one. I think I got the first two lines, but I think I'll be done after that.

But yeah, he's still going strong. I was a Heathcliff, man. I was not a Garfield man. I was like, Garfield. I was like, what is fucking stupid bitch, Garfield. I liked Garfield as a girl. You were like, this is me as a kitty. Heathcliff also ate.

Heave also had a bit of an appetite. He didn't eat entire lasagna. He was a trash cat. No, I would turn, I would tune to, turn to Dagwood in the Sunday funnies. And I'd watch him eating those big old sandwiches. And I'm like, someday, someday I'm going to be dagwooding it up with the best of them. I had that job. It's overrated.

No, it's like, eating sandwiches. Yeah, that literally was your job. best job ever man of the two guys who fucked up a job of just eating sandwiches uh at least you're not jared from subway he fucked it up a little worse than you do that's a good point that is true what about that there's a list of top 10 guys who fucked up a job where they just had to eat sandwiches you're right number two forever you never have to worry about taking the top spot i i just asked for more money i didn't grab somebody's kid and hold them at chocolate Give me more money or I'll fuck all these kids.

I didn't say that. I mean, that guy, please, in terms of like, man, just he didn't have to do anything. And he wasn't even a good spokesperson. That's the worst part. He was really, the commercial did all the legwork for him. The commercial will go, there goes Jared. Eat, no, them sandwiches. And Jared didn't say anything like funny or clever.

He just looking at the camera. And he said, the new six inch turkey delight is still a delightful sandwich. That's why you believe he was a real guy because he was not a good pitch man. Terrible pitchman. Where's the man in history? This is definitely, his story is definitely real because he's not a fucking professional. Still looking good. Still eating

Subway sandwiches. Although I will say this, there were signs of his behavior because he's like, I only like a six inch. That's a fucking pedophile right there. A real man will eat a footlong. A guy who's like, I stop at six inches. That's a petto. That's how you know. You see a six-inch sandwich, you turn him into the police right away.

Well, no, it's healthier. Did you ever watch any of the documentaries about, like, how they caught that guy or like what he was up to? No, I don't, I don't do research to avoid getting caught. I do a lot of, I do a lot of subway research. Just guys I'm a subway aficionado. I want to know what's going on. First made mistakes. That's you.

Well, dude, you'll just be on like Hulu and you're like, I wish I watched. I could watch family guy. I could watch King of the Hill. or I could watch making a monster the Jared from Subway story. I like, all right, give me an hour of this. And it was like, he'd do these things. He set up this whole foundation.

Anyone who sets up a foundation for kids immediately, that's the biggest red flag on earth. Yes. Or he goes, I just want to get kids healthy. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, shut it down. Yeah. But he was, he set up this foundation where he wanted to get kids healthy. And, you know, like one of the moms is there.

And she goes, ah, it's so great what you're doing for kids, you know, helping kids get healthy. He goes, yeah, look at all those sexy fuckers, huh? And she's like, I'm sorry, what? He goes, yeah, you know, you ever just want to like fuck some kids? And the lady, just like a random lady at the fucking event. And the thing was, what was he went wrong? He was like trying to make friends and be a better.

Yes. You can't do that. You can't go like, you know how. You just can't. Like, I can make friends as a fat guy. I could walk up to another fat at a restaurant and go, you ever had that with the sauce? That's pretty good, right? And he's like, yeah, I've had that.

you seem like it okay you can do that if you fuck kids you can't try to make friends the wink wink the nudge for pedophilia is a bad move do not i tell me this as a friend you're not going to strike up conversations with people with that you see that you ever watch that uh chinese uh gymnastics they're pretty young how the way they're jumping around i don't want to talk about that at all stop You can't. You can't. Not even in the China town that you live in. Could you bring up China's No, no, no. I mean, they, you know, I walk down the street. They're just jumping around these kids. Look, no. He does this to this lady and this lady goes, uh, I'm just going to like record what this fucking crazoid is saying. So Jared was just undone by finding some lady at one

of these events and just being like, hey, maybe I could, uh, fuck your kids sometimes. She goes, yeah, that's a great idea. Jared from so I would love for you to come fuck my kids. You're triggering my memory of it now. What's funny is I remember when this happened and she was like, she was like, I'm going to turn him in. And then they're like, no, like as if he was some RICO case, they were like, no, we need you to go deeper and we need you to stay undercover for longer. And so they used her as like fucking Donnie Brasco.

They really did. They like forced her to keep talking to him. She's like, I really don't want to keep talking to the subway guy about fucking kids and the FBI went, we just need a couple, like 20 more hours of him talking about fucking kids. So just call him up. Which tells you how the FBI in this country

is it why the Epstein files never came out because they're like, listen, one kid is not going to put this guy away. We need 70, 80, 90 kids before we can build a case. So we need you just stay in for longer. Dude, it's so bad.

And that's the worst part is that it was that line from fucking big short where you go, why is you confessing? And it's like, he's not confessing. He's bragging. And he's just going to this lady. And he's going, yeah, you know, I fucked a couple kids in Dallas and I fucked a couple

kids up in New York. You know, I just go around the country, fucking kids. And you're like, wow, man, all you had to do was eat sandwiches and not fuck kids. Well, maybe when he's dead, we'll get some. Let him have 10 more and then we'll swoop in.

That's always the, That's always the worst part with some of these as you go, wait, you had all that information and they just let him go around the country for like two more years. He did it with the mafia. They let him kill like a thousand people before they make, now we have a case. It really, it is funny that those stories just end up about being the horrible ineptitude of government and stop crimes. You go, yeah, well, we really got justice on that guy. You go, he molested like a hundred kids in the time it took you to get him. But this is a failure.

But look at our conviction rate. We don't ever lose patients. We never fuck it up. They just start wheeling in the carcasses of children like the Santa letters and Miracle on 34. And it's like, is this enough kids to put him away forever? They're like, oh, my God. We were convicted him with one.

You didn't have to bring all these bodies. Well, at least we got the subway guy. And, you know, the funny thing about him is he got real fat in prison. He just ate immediately once you took away the kids. He said, well, if I can't fuck kids, I'm just going to eat fucking commissary food. And apparently now he's 500 pounds again. So in prison? Yeah, yeah.

Really? Yeah. You know why? Servings are a lot more than six inches in there, buddy. That's why. He's getting double helpings. He's going to get out at some point. He's getting extra meat on that BMT.

dude i think he's going to get ganged the second he gets out of prison people do not like the subway guy but i don't blame them they're like getting all those internal organs after he puts that way back yeah he's going to be shank proof yeah uh well dead celebrity endorsements currently number 152 with four and ten up votes guys don't forget to vote it up god this heat is fucking killing me man i'm not gonna lie you don't have a c in your place i got a see it's just not enough so hopefully we have a window unit yeah i got a window unit and i got a i got one of those quiet window units so i don't got to worry about it interfering with the microphone but it's just not enough i'm dying i'm dying all right i'm going to go first with my problem

my problem you ever heard about these asians josh no well here's the curious thing am i not No, and I refuse to learn anything about them. Okay. Look, there's this, I'll bring up what set this off. There's a new animated series coming to Netflix. It's called Dang. And it's about, wouldn't you believe it, a precocious group of Asian Americans

and how hard it is to be Asian American. Dang, a new animated series premiered September 8th with Andrew La, Poppy Lou, and Stephanie Who, siblings Andrew and Eunice are living out their fun and messy dreams in New York City until their worst nightmare comes true. Their high-achieving sister Ruthie, can you believe it? A high-achieving Asian woman wants to hang out with her slobby Asian family who, let's be clear, are still high-achieving, but they do drugs, Josh.

Can you believe it? Oh, subversive stuff. Let's watch two seconds of this. Hi, Mom. Isn't it great how all three of your children are succeeding in New York? One succeeding, two also around. I'll take it. So as you can see, it's about dealing with your disapproving Asian parents.

Fascinating. Now, when I saw this, my first reaction was, and I didn't know about... I can move to. Well, first I said, man, are the only fucking animated series we're going to get from now on is about different immigrant families and how hard it is to be a fucking immigrant, which seems to be, yes, that's the future of all entertainment.

But then I said, what is this thing where, like, Asian people want to feel like they had a tough upbringing because their parents were, like, a little bit strict and encouraged them to succeed? Yeah, Asian struggle is considered science fiction, I think. It's a soccer show. Dude, I found out that there is actually a fucking term for this,

for the fact that all Asian immigrant kids think they have gone through some sort of unique struggle, but actually they've all had the exact same struggle and it's not a struggle at all. This is a problem called Cut Fruit Diaspora. Have you ever heard of this, Josh? No. Cut fruit diaspora? Yeah. I can't even pronounce that word.

Diaspora. I've never heard of this. And then I found out that so Diaspora is the idea that people, of a different culture come to a new you know, uh, land and then their culture gets spread out. It's how do you hold on to your cultural roots when trapped in the horrifying nightmare that is America,

which is making you rich and beyond your wildest dreams because you know 13 fucking laundromats. So all these Asian American children who have grown up in the last, you know, 20, 25 years, and let's be clear, a lot of them are wealthy and well off and well educated. They are bonding over their, shared trauma of, you know, mom really, I can't believe mom made me take violin lessons or

I can't believe dad pressured me to become a doctor. And you're like, yeah, those aren't actual fucking, like black guys were at the fucking lunch counter getting their asses beat for trying to eat lunch. You guys had parents who wanted you to succeed and gave you a lot of money to get you there. Now, the reason it's called cut fruit Diaz, Diazpora is because they, They all have these shared cultural memories of arguing with their stupid parents about, I don't even want to succeed. I want to be like the white kids and fuck up and do drugs. And their moms would be like, no, you are going to study is most important to study

and then fucking do gymnastics and violin. And then mom or dad would go in the kitchen and cut up little bites of fruit because that's how Chinese kids eat fruit. His mom would like take the fucking skin off of grapes or like, you know, a white kid, we just grab an apple, we just eat an apple? Chinese people will sit there and they'll like gently take the skin off everything and cut it into perfect little bite size pieces and then serve it to their children. And there's literally like hundreds of essays from Chinese people go like Asian American kids going,

and that was our love language where at the end of the day I knew my parents still loved me because mom would cut up some fucking fruit on a plate and give it to me after dinner. and it got to the point where Asian people are ridiculing each other going, guys, how many fucking poems are we going to write about cutting up fruit? This is becoming fucking embarrassing. Do we have anything else that defines our culture other than mom cutting up fruit? If I'm being honest, there's somebody who doesn't love fruit that does feel like being molested so I could see why it's

what's dramatic for them. Look, cut fruit disporas as a cultural metaphor. I'm not making this up. This is like an actual thing. You're making that word about, though. emotional it's a shared emotional touchstone in the asia community representing how immigrant parents use bowls of meticulously peeled and sliced fruit as a silent symbol of care, love, and reconciliation. And many immigrant households, affection or apologies are expressed through bowls of fruit instead of verbal phrases like, I love you or I'm sorry. So basically Asian American kids are like, mom never told me she loved me, but I knew she loved me because she would cut up orange.

for me. A plate of bite-sized fruit bridges the emotional gap. The labor of care. Parents sometimes go through painstaking lengths, such as de-seating pomegranates, peeling grapes or cutting elaborate shapes to reflect their sacrifice and deep attentiveness. Josh, you had parents. I remember my dad getting drunk and threatening me with a baseball bat. And at no point do I look back and go, well, at least that drunk fucker cut up some fruit for me. When you have American parents that would drink or whatever, the best you would get would be like there's $20 on the thing for a pizza. That would be and you'd go, yes. I don't care.

Have Asian American kids ever dealt with what my cousins dealt with, which his dad just fucking goes on a bender? Bet's the fucking house down at a fucking, what do you call it, Mohegan's son and ends up just going, yeah, we live in a trailer now. Fuck it. I lost all our money gambling. And Asian kids are going, no, no, like we're, we've suffered our own internal struggle when their struggle is just having rich parents who wanted them to succeed and didn't say I love you very often. It's fucking insane.

Well, we're headed to a place where this, like this is a, this is a pretty common thing now in upper middle class black families because, you know, these, these LA blacks, I call them like, north of the 10 Hollywood blacks. Yeah. Like they went to, they went to like USC and UCLA and Pepperdine and Berkeley and like these are like, these are like, uh, Sasha Malia Obama blacks. Like so they, they have no struggle to speak of.

And the problem is, is like they want to jump in on the, yeah, about black people, but then other black people are like, what are you talking about? Like you're not part of this with us. So I think this is Asian people trying to like feel the same way of like, No, no, a fruit was being molested. You know what I'm saying? Fruit to symbolize abuse. And it's like, no, no, no one was jamming fruit in me to teach me a lesson as a kid.

Well, here's, and it's interesting you bring this. This is a big problem in Hollywood right now is that Asian become, well, Asians have been a problem for everywhere. But nepotism Valley is like getting out of control is you now have used to have some outsiders breaking into the Hollywood system and being like, yeah you know I grew up in kind of a shitty situation and I got some fun stories to tell about that and now you go turn on TV and it's all rich kids telling stories about struggles they imagined in their head of like yeah you know it's really hard to be your dad is fucking running a chain of Chinese restaurants up and down the coast you know fucking uh what's his name the show girls do you remember that was the controversy of the show girls where they were like this we're just

the four girls struggling to make it go and new York as millennials and it's like your parents in real life are all rich like upper middle class or upper class. Yes, none of you are struggling with anything. Your fucking dad is David Mamet. What are we talking about? Like so yeah, it's but but the funny thing is is now you look back at the shit that girls got and you just go like, oh, that was that wasn't fair because that was just one of like a hundred. You go in and you find out like you, you, if you do a little research, you find out like, they're not all like Maya Hawke where they take their father's name, Ethan Hawk, and the thing is obvious, or Michael Gandalfini, who's the son of James Gandalfini, sometimes they'll be like, it'll be like Margaret

Quali. And you go, who is that? And everyone goes, that's Andy McDowell's daughter. And you go, oh. So then when you actually start to look at who like Odessa Azeon. It's everyone. It's everyone. Odessa Azeon, who's supposed to play Mystique, or not Mystique, but Rogue. And the new X-Men. That's Pamela Adlon's daughter. They just changed her name so that people wouldn't shit on her for being a Nepo baby, but she's literally Pam Adlon's daughter. So it's like, you're right. Every actor in Hollywood now is somebody's kid. Like that's just what the Jack, Jack Quaid. And the most part is like some of them are good. Like Jack Quaid is good on fucking, uh, Bill Pullman's son, the one who was in, uh, Thunderbirds. What the

what Thunderbirds? Thunderbolts? What am I talking about? Thunderbolts. He's, uh, Lewis Pullman. Yeah, he played Yeah, yeah, he's good. Boyd or century. Look, a part of, uh, all of this, the reason you have a lot of of this Hollywood nepotism is, yeah, of course, rich kids have a lot of time to devote to becoming actors and actresses, okay? It's kind of the perfect job for rich kids. It's like, oh, I don't have to produce anything, uh, you know, I don't have to work the family farm. I can just learn how to have feelings. Okay. But when you get down to like all the creative, it was great when the actors and actresses, fine. They can all be nepo babies.

I feel like the writers and the producers, you want to find some people who had like actual hardship and struggles. You know, because otherwise you just end up telling the story of, oh, man, I can't even believe that my parents got me this two-story brownstone in New York. But I had to share it with my aunt. And she would, she never cut up fruit for me. I will say this about the Asians, though. it is fascinating that they are so smart that even the Asians are criticizing each other for not shutting up about the fruit.

And also the other thing that Asian Americans dealt with was going to school and having other kids go, yo, your lunch stinks. Yes, yes. Every Korean person has that origin story of like, I used to hate. They'll always like, I hate going to school.

Every fucking Korean food show you watch, it's David Chang. And I don't know what the things are called, but he's like, do you ever? Like kimchi and shit. Like kimchi. No, no, no, no. They're funnier than that. He'll be like, worse than that.

Dungchi duck young. Yeah, he's like, I remember the first day that I went to white school here in Los Angeles and I had to open up my lunchbox and have be bim bop. And everyone was like, that smells like, cunt, dude. And I, everyone hated me. And, you know, and that stuck with me. That's why I'm a chef today. And you're like, uh-oh. I think all the Mexican kids are like, dude, I had like fucking half a ham sandwich and a thermos full of warm beer for lunch.

And all the Asian kids are going, I was just so traumatizing growing up that I would open my lunchbox. And a child would look over and go, yo, nigga, that fucking shit stinks. Yeah. 100%. And again, that's another thing. And I'm going to tell you something worse than both of those. They're on the worst than both of those. Yeah.

When you're the kid whose mom works at the cafeteria, we had a kid like that in high school whose mom was a lunch lady. Let me tell you something. That kid would have been rather beaten with a fucking brick full of penises. Than having his mother be a lunch lady, dude. Having the lunch lady mom is pretty embarrassing. That's some real fucking trauma. That's bad.

No Asian kid ever had to have the lunch lady mom where you go. Yo, your mom just made me pizza, bitch. Your mom just gave me milk. I just got milk from your mom. All that kid happened once. Your mom will be making me breakfast motherfucker second period. That's all that.

Can you ask your mom why this Salisbury steak fucking sucks? We didn't have your mom to pick it up in the kitchen. We didn't have black people in the Minnesota school, but you get it. That's way more traumatizing than being like, oh, my rich family made me a fucking custom bento box. And someone looked at my fucking B-Bim Bob kimchi and said, man, that shit's stinky.

And again, it's so funny that all these, I'm reading these stories of like Asian writers being like, I don't know what to do. I keep trying to write a story about growing up Asian. And for some reason, I keep coming back to people making fun of my stinky lunchbox and my mom cutting up fucking mangoes. What am I going? Did we have any other, did any Asian American experience anything other than this? Is this our only, like they're having an existential crisis over it that I find fascinating. Yeah. you're going, shit, maybe we're not really discriminated against in the way most minorities are.

Maybe Asians are doing pretty fucking good. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I have, I told you for the longest time, I was like, I don't get the white guys being in the Asian thing. And then I thought about it. And I was like, you know what I've never heard an Asian woman say in my entire life? Hey, you know what I think? Never heard of them say that.

Never. And then I was like. Oh, now I get it. But this is the thing. I don't think we're giving Asian parents in this situation enough credit because if it were socially acceptable to put fish heads in my child's lunch, I would do it as a gag. I would have no friends.

If you think about the psychology of it, they go, I can't have my kid making friends. He's not going to do violin and math. So you send him into school with the fish heads and he comes up because I don't have any friends. And they go, good, because I enrolled you in study for after school. That's your your extracurricular is more school.

You don't have any friends. Sorry. That's genius. They're geniuses. This is what they do. I feel bad for the Asian parents who are sitting there and they're going, bitch, I came over here on a boat. I set up a bunch of donut shops that sell fried chicken for some fucking reason.

And I had to open 25 of those. You watch that documentary? Donut King? I have watched that documentary. Yeah, exactly. And they're going. And they're going, bitch, I had to set up 25 fucking donut shops to get us here. Do you know how much fun it is to run 25 donut shops?

It sucks way more than anything you fucking went through. I want to see how similar we are. Did you think the daughter of the one that still runs the one in Santa Monica was hot? Yes. You were like, I could get into some donut money. Did you think that? Did you think like, I'm going to go to after? If I could get in, if I could get into the legacy because what is the leg.

No, the leg, what, what community is it that opens all the. fucking donut shops. It's like, uh, Vietnamese. Yeah. Dude, if I could get into the fucking

Vietnamese donut shop empire, I would be a happy boy. I'd be making, I'd get up, make the donuts, kiss my Vietnamese wife and my beautiful Vietnamese children. And then I go,

and I'd look them in the eyes. I'm going, I'm giving you the stinkiest fucking lunch you've ever seen in your life. And you want you to turn. Otherwise, they won't learn violin. Yeah.

I want you to open this in front of all your friends and they're going to laugh. They're going to laugh at how stinky your fucking lunches is and you're going to take it like a man, you little bitch. I'm seeing all these Asians, these Asian American kids are going, well, I guess all this cut fruit, you know, it makes up for all the therapy I had to go through. And I go, what fucking therapy? You guys are living the perfect life. You have parents who are autistically dedicated to just just making money obsessively. Okay. And they're great at math, so they never fuck up the books or get audited or anything. Yeah. And then,

You take that money and you guys get to just fuck around and move to the city and write little. Here, I have a poem about fruit. You want a poem I got here? Is this a, this is your poem or one you found? This is a one I found. It's about the fruit. I didn't realize how much my mother loved me until I cut into a pomegranate for the first time. Shiny red jewels bursting like boba.

My cutting board of battlefield. Shirt of Virgin's underwear. splotch of red, a sea of white, like the flag of a home I've been to just once, and the sour tang of your favorite Yeriko Chan, Umi Bashi-Gohan. I wonder how else my mother stained her fingers to nourish me. And you know that guy's dad is going, motherfucker, I spent how much money to send you to fucking Harvard? And this is the fucking shit I'm getting out of it.

Mom's fruit bowls. Yeah, you were supposed to be a fucking. doctor you were supposed to be a lawyer of fucking accountant anything and you're writing fucking poetry about mom cutting up pomegranates god fucking damn it dude so i feel for these Asian parents this is why Asian women don't swallow the week actually in my family the seaman was presented in a junk you have to put it in a teacup and you can only turn it to the left and you have to drink it this way that's how I would just I would just be so dude I'm seeing what do you do if you're the dad

of the kids who made this fucking cartoon? Put fish heads in their lunch. That's what you do. When you're in the 19th hour of the day, you go, I'll make you fucking lunch. And you put fish heads in it. And as somebody's pointing, somebody else pointed out,

they made the good point that, man, you go to like any other Asian country and they're all just making like cool, kick ass fucking anime cartoons. Because if you actually go to those countries, like you still, you don't make a lot of money in fucking China.

or even Japan or whatever else. So you still got that struggle of like, man, I just want to tell one great story. And then you come to America and you go, what if I told a story about living with my friends and like how mean my mom was? Duh. Or like that fucking, remember when Pixar, you're like, oh, Pixar is great. You make all that toy story, you know, and what if toys had feelings or what if cars could talk?

And they said, what if your Asian mom was there when you got your period and it turned you into a monster? And he said, I don't want to watch that. Did you ever see that? The turning red or the girl turned? Yeah. It was just a big. It was a metaphor for puberty. It was a metaphor for, hey, you're an Asian girl.

Yeah, it was all about how hard it is to get your period living in an oppressive Asian household or your mom cuts up fruit for you. And they went, I don't know why this didn't make money. You know, because nobody can identify with this fucking shit. Yeah. I didn't like watching it. I identify with the talking car more than the little Asian girl going. It's so hard to be a little Asian girl with parents who pay for everything. That's the hardest fucking thing in the world.

I go, no, that's not hard. That's easy street. You're good to go. When you get older and you find out that, like, there's no amount of Harvard that makes your vagina not have that taste, that oil taste. You know what I'm talking about? Like, that's the shit that they need to talk about. Whose vagina is the oil taste?

The Asians? Asian. Well, you know what I'm talking about? Okay, so you know how spaghetti tastes like a regular plain noodle? You don't put any sauce on it or whatever. Right. It's like noodle. You know how.

low main always has that that oil. That's what their pussies have. All of them. They all have. It's the sesame oil. The sesame oil leeches into the skin. Yeah, I want to, it may, and I don't know if that's from the fish heads or to bowl fruit or whatever, but that's what you need to address. Your life would be better. You figure that out. You'll, white women will go extinct.

Black women will fight to the death and Asian women will rule the world. Because if you just, you got everything else going for you. Just get that little thing. because some people don't like that flavor. So I'm not speaking for myself. I'm just saying you get rid of that one little detail. You move to the top of the food chain. Then your husband will eradicate the stinky fish pussy.

They're going to be good to go. It's not a stinky fish pussy. That's if you got that, you guys, that's bad. That's a bad white. So what are they got? It's like an oily thing. A little, you never had you never, I'll think you know, I never had it. I've never had any Asian girls.

I'm not going to lie. No Asian girl. Wait, maybe one. Half Asian. It's like, it's like a, it's like a, you never, you ever over fry something in a walk? And it's just a little too brown. And it's a little too, it's like, wow, this all tastes like the oil that it was. That's what it's like.

You don't know. Yeah, it's the dirty oil taste. I got a place. I got a place in Korea. All right. Well, hey, trust me. Man, I used to have a buddy who all day long was like, well, you want to go to the massage parlor? You want to go to the massage parlor?

I'm like, I don't know, man. Well, get an Asian girl. will split her. You got to cook her yourself at the table. They don't do that. You got to put her over to flame, you know, and then whatever. Jesus Christ. I got a buddy and moved out L.A. and every now and again, he's like, ah, man, I missed those massage parlors. I was like, dude, I don't get it. He was like, yeah, I would go like every

fucking week. I'm like, really? He's like, yeah, yeah. It's like a big thing in L.A., so maybe I should get a hand job. I wonder if I show up for the massage with a big, big bowl of mangoes and pomegranas. You get a hand job. Maybe I was a good hand job. I like how you would go to the place and just stand there and look at the menu and go, I don't know if I'm in the mood for that today. I don't know.

See, I would be the kind of guy. I would go, well, how much they'd go, uh, would you like a massage? I'd go,

how much are the hand jobs? You would go, sir, you need to. You would yell that in the lobby. No, I don't want a fucking massage. I want a hand job,

you retard. It's just one to the end of. Yeah, that would be, you have cargo. Sir. You're sweatpants on. We got to make you over it.

We got to get you a new fashion. I got to glow up. I can't be taking to Korea town with the sweatpants on, buddy. They'll kick us both out. They'll charge me double. Yeah. No, sir. Yeah.

All right, my problem was cut fruit. Diazpora, whatever the fuck that means. Asian kids who think they are oppressed, when in reality they're living a perfect life and they just don't get it yet. They're figuring it out. And that's all you can hope for. They do not get it. They do not get it.

All right, Josh. It's up to you. What do we got? My first one is, uh, this should be a fun one, I think is reading comprehension. I think people's reading comprehension has gone to shit. Have you ever talked to, have you ever like had somebody go read something and be like, hey, what did that just say? And they will tell you a complete, it's like a game of telephone where people will go,

Oh, no. Yeah, I read it. It said that Nixon killed Kennedy. And you're like, that is not, that is not what happened. There's a lot of that. And that has ruined the internet is that people basically skim everything now. This is also how you end up with people who don't know medical things where they're just like, yeah, yeah, doesn't that have AIDS in it? And you go, I think you should probably read the label again. Yeah. But people's reading comprehension has gotten absolutely ridiculous. And by the way, you brought this up earlier. in regards to tweets, I find myself defending things. I never said because people don't know how to decipher what they actually read with what it makes them feel and then what they play back to themselves in their heads. So I actually think this is a bigger problem than fake news or like AI is that it's like even if people are presented the truth, they can't fucking digest it. They're not smart enough or able to read things and actually go, oh yeah, this. is what it says verbate i've had people read stuff allowed to me and insert words that aren't there

and go what we're reading the same thing what do you do this is not a what is your reinterpretation of the grapes of wrath just read the fucking page well the problem i seem to have with people is that i go are do you not actually know what was said or are you lying see that's like the bigger the the thing is like i don't think this many people lie i give i mean you say that but like there are people who will purposely misinterpret what you say to be like, it's the classic thing if you go, man, I just love waffles. And they go, did you hear this guy says he hates pancakes? Yes.

This motherfucker fucker is talking shit about pancakes. You go, I didn't say shit about pancakes. I also enjoy pancakes. And they go, no, that's not what you said. You said, do, do. And then you just end up in this fucking infinite loop of, again, does that, did that guy actually read what you said wrong? Or is he just lying about you to try and get the pancakes?

people. I have to reduce it down to food, by the way. It's the only way I can think about these things. I get it. And then the pancake people come at you, you know, and you're trying to get your waffle allies that doesn't work out. It's a huge game of telephone, though. I mean, isn't that kind of the point of the internet? Is that it's just everyone's just lying all the fucking time?

No, this is the, well, this is, this leads into my, should I just do both of mine right now? Because it's one sort of leads into the other one. It kind of seems like you're, yeah, it kind of seems like you got to double up here, but they're kind of connected. They're kind of connected in the sense of like internet anonymity combined with people's lack of reading comprehension is what ruined the internet people are always like we need to go back to 2009 you know internet

2008 internet it's like before everybody had anonymous accounts and stopped knowing how to read like those two things connected is and everyone goes i can't be you know this was the other viral thing i had go on today but people go i can't be anonymous i have a job and a family to support And if my fucking work knew what I thought about the world, they'd fire me. And I go, don't you understand that that tyranny persists because you're a coward? Like, because. But yeah, but what are you going to do? I mean, it's the truth is that you really can't.

I think part of the glory of the internet is you go, hey, I have a lot of shitty fucking opinions. You would think this. Hey, my shit's attached to my name. People can see my name. I'm just lucky enough to be in a position where I can say that shit. And I go, well, what job am I going to get fired from talking shit on the internet? That's my whole thing. This is the thing is like you don't get to do both.

If you want to be, this is my opinion. If you want to be a shit talking guy on the internet, then you better figure out how to do that well enough to make money at it. So that you don't get the comfort of everything else. Like the idea of like I want to walk in both worlds, fuck you. That's gay. That's gay.

I want to be able to say whatever I want about people without them doxing me, without there being any consequences. And I want to be able to dox them without them returning the favor. And I use this analogy. It's like the old West. When everyone had guns, people were nicer. There were less murders. Now that only dickheads have guns and can hide behind their anonymous accounts, a lot more people are getting killed. I think that, look, I mean, the problem is that being a shit talker on the internet,

I think being a shit talking on the internet has use. We need people to be. When? Why? I think if we didn't have shit talkers on the internet, there'd be a lot of shit going on right now. And nobody would speak up and go, actually, if you look at the data, if it doesn't exactly parse out. People present to do that the shit talker on the internet goes, if we don't tell these fucking people who they really are, they'll think too highly of themselves. That's what every shit talker is trying to prevent.

Positive self-image. that's all they're trying to I don't want this person to like themselves more than I think they should like themselves that's what it is that's all it boils down to we want them to think that they're funnier than they are we don't want them to think they're

more successful than they are and if I don't police this person from behind an anonymous firewall they might think they're better to me it's like that guy at the bar who's a fucking Barney who was a Barney from Simpson's was his name just Barney Barney Barney Gumble

right whatever, I don't remember. But, but it's just that guy at the bar going, you fucking think you better than me? That's all that is on the internet. There's no, but you can't give me a real argument. People go, during the revolutionary war, it was our ability to publish things anonymously that led to our independent.

No, it wasn't. That might have started the fire, but eventually actual men had to grab rifles and take their fucking independence. So stop thinking that there's ability to being an anonymous. FACG. Look, okay, if your argument is that people should have less pride in their anonymous persona, absolutely, I'm there with you. There is no pride in being an anonymous soothsayer. But I think you can say there are people who have made the rational compromise who said, hey, listen, there's a lot of psychopaths out there who want to take away your job. You know,

I have a private. It's them. The very same people making this argument. Sometimes. Sometimes. You put your address out there so we can come to your house and I go, okay. Oh, by the way, you of all people would to come to my house shit. Okay. Like, don't act like you're, you fucking. But I'm saying that, look, do you understand what have happened if those people's shit was all also public on the internet? No. I don't know.

I don't know. You don't know. I don't know. Some of their shit is public, I'm sure. You don't like it. I think something that you do. don't like. I'm okay with people being, look, you have to be okay with people being anonymous.

I understand why people want to be anonymous. Now, obviously, if someone is personally shit talking you at the end of the day, you want to go, who is this fucker? Because most of the time it's some retard in his fucking basement or whatever. Property, Vito. What about what they're not anonymous anymore? If they come to your property, they can't be anonymous, right? Yeah, but this is the thing.

Do you think that would even happen if? more of their shit was public. Probably not. Probably. I don't know. I don't know if a gun. That's everybody having a gun. I think I'm in a very unique sector of the internet where nobody really seems to care if

their shit is public or not because none of us are living lives of luxury. None of us have excellent jobs and relationships we need to protect. Yeah, but why should. But here's the thing, need to protect. Why are those people's incomes more deserving of protection than anyone else is? like Antifa and trolls try to get our gigs canceled all the time. A lot of times they succeed. Like they fuck with our shit.

I don't think that would have ever happened if the anonymity was off the table from the beginning. Where I was just like, no, everybody kind of has to show their name and at least show your face. You don't have a screen name, but no, you got to have a face. So famously you've had comedy shows, which have been canceled by Antifa rabble rousers. I've also had the mayor of a city. shut our show down because it's called the fucking police station and said that they were going to show up and

start a riot. And you're, but you're saying that if these trolls could not be anonymous, if they were known, they would behave. If the fucking face was out there to where I go, I guess I could be recognized and get punched in the face for some shit,

I said, it would have, they would be nicer. They would just be nicer. So all this shit about like, we need, we need this. We need this.

that would make people nice there. I'm not and listen, people go, it's freedom. I go, that's fine, but then just don't start, like if you're, to me, if you're the kind of person who goes, I just don't want my work and my internet fun to intermingle, that's fine, but don't be somebody who starts shit. And this is the problem is that the, yes, the anonymity is good for people who don't abuse it, but everyone abuses it. Every, like almost everyone abuses it where they go, well, they can't find me. So I'm going to be more of a fuck face than I would, if I were, person. That's why these people are they being more of a fuck face or are they being more open and honest and saying well hey, because I'm not going to be revealed now free speech is enabled and I can

say what I what I truly believe. You know is out there. You'll find way more fuckface than you'll find truth telling from the anonymous. You may find more of it, but I'm going to say there are probably people who are remaining anonymous who are using it, you know, as it should be used, which just protect their livelihood. No. Now I'll look. I can't name one account that is an anonymous account where I go, I actually enjoy following them. Their takes are good. Their input is good. There's not one.

There's not a cat turd or somebody like that. Do I go? I actually really enjoy their input despite not actually knowing who this person is. It doesn't exist. This idea there are truth teller anonymous people on the internet. It doesn't exist. But are you aiming this at everybody or just the topic? guys because I could get behind you if you're like look here you're in a hold on once you're in a

position where you are doing this full time you have hundreds of thousands of subscribers you are a voice that is influencing people I think at that point you might argue you have a sort of moral obligation to cast aside the veil and go listen here's where these opinions are coming from I'm the real guy segregation so I I pay for Twitter right because I have to make money off of it Yeah. I don't want to see the people that don't at all. And if you do, you have to be you. I want a segregated internet.

I want an elite internet that I can use. That's only other people that have the balls to show their face and be themselves. That's what I would pay. I would pay more for that. And then it would be interesting as. Yeah, go ahead. Agatrons can fucking stay and shit talk to each other in the goddamn alleys of the internet. That's what I want to place.

That's what Facebook was supposed. to be in the beginning, by the way. I want a one percenter internet, and it doesn't have to be one percenter, but I want an internet where it goes, no, we're all the people that are actually going to stand behind the shit we say, and we're actually going to have the courage to show our face, and we're actually going to deal with the social consequences of the things that we talk about. And guess what? The fucking idiots will do it because all they've ever wanted is access to people that are higher than them on the food chain. So they will comply. You don't have to mandate. it. I don't think we should mandate it. I'm not a fan of internet ID, but you give people like me and you and

Dick and any of these other people a tier that we can go to where we go, this is, this is the tier that we're going to be on. You should have extra reach if you're willing to put yourself out there. They're all going to do it. Give me a two tiered internet. I'll pay for it. I don't want to deal with that shit. And they will then pay for it too because they want to be part of the thing. That's the whole reason they're dickheads to begin with. They want to be recognized by people that 20 years ago they had no access to. That's all it is. Well, you make a good point about like a guy like cat turd where I go, well, why are you

following a guy named cat turd for fucking political ideas and that's absurd. Yeah, you should go, no, if I'm going to like be getting my ideas from anyone, I should get them from somebody who I know who the fuck they are. Right. know, not some faceless guy in a fucking mask with a stupid avatar. And by the way, if you want to be cat turd and you want to be anonymous and you want to be the king of the lower tier of internet, knock yourself out. Yeah.

You're not going to do that. You're not going to do that because it is crazy to see like Elon Musk tweeting, retweeting that guy or whatever else. And I go, you don't know who that guy is. It could be a fucking foreign agent trying to influence everybody. I think most people do know who that guy is. I think he's been docks to. But that's my point.

Has he been dachs. It fucking comes out no matter what the lives of TikTok lady was doxed, immediately. Like that, no, she got, she got doxed. But I think it's, you know, and I do agree that it, I think that if you're having that level of influence on the populace and the discourse that just, just on a moral level, you should be willing to, yes, stand behind your ideas and but you are. But you're talking about like low level Antifa creeps.

And I go, well, they're not going to do that. And I don't expect them to do that, you know. This is the thing. Think about a closed loop internet in that way. where for Antifa to see my shit, they would have to create an account where they have to reveal their identity. And then if they are,

that's insane. How's anyone going to find your fucking, say the only people can find out about your comedy show. I have to be a part of the super internet. I would only promote it on the super internet. Yeah. That's it.

Only for super internet people. That's the great Josh Denny shit is paywold. You would have your own direct to consumer stuff. So people would sign up for my mailing list or they, whatever. But the only way you're going to see shit I post or, whatever is if you're part of the fucking show your face internet i just want a tear i want a tear where i don't have to deal with people who wouldn't are talking to me in a way they would never do

in person and by the way i've met some of these people in person they're fucking pussies they don't even make eye contact yeah i mean but that's that's that's that's internet shit man everybody's just you know talking shit they're all nobody's actually gonna find anybody in real life no shit but it's the same thing with the it's the old it's the old it's the old West analogy. It is if everyone has a gun in their hip, you're going to go, good day, sir. Hello, Matt. I'm saying that you, with the anonymous people, you got to treat them as the anonymous people. You got to go at the end of the day, you know, I'm not going to get, I think the people who give the anonymous people credence and they go, yeah, that's important. That's good.

It's probably some Indian guy who's just posting it for engagement. It's probably AI or something. An Indian guy calling our venues getting our shows canceled. You never know. Some of these, you've said things about the Indians. okay I did say things I just think what you're proposing I don't even know how you fucking no one's it's called you gotta pay for it

we had it it was called Facebook when it first came out you had to have a dot edu email to be a part of it you just change it but nobody wants to use Facebook Facebook just turned into boomer bullshit of course but the point is is listen if you made a tier where you go the only people on this tier are people who verify show their face and use their government name

I guarantee you it would be the most popular social media. I think it would result in so much. For people, for public. I think it would result in so much self-censorship. People would be too worried to say anything because it's going to get traced back to their job. I think it defeats the whole purpose of why we have an internet is seeing and talk a little bit of shit. You mean being polite like we used to be?

Look, I, look, I empathize with you on some level because, yeah, I am, but I've been lucky to get to the point where I'm comfortable. you know, at a certain point when I didn't have any money, I had to watch what I said because I'm like, well, I don't want this coming back. It's going to, you know, lose me my job. It's going to fuck up my opportunities. And listen, I don't care that that makes you a coward. Just if you're going to be pragmatic, then don't be a fuckface. If you're going to go, I should watch what I say, then treat it as such. The anonymity means you actually don't have to watch what you say. So you get to unleash whatever you want on people and they have to deal with the consequences of it, but you don't. That's not that's not equality liberal

I think what you're arguing for and I've always made this point is that the people want justice system that's like black people who want Black people are dumber than white people so we got to go easy on them. That's what that is. You're a liberal judge. If you want the ability to say whatever you want and nobody's going to be anonymous about it, okay. But really the only place that would ever work would be in a communist society where

your income is guaranteed by the state. The problem is that in a capitalist society, your speech is directly influenced upon your earnings. You could earn more or less money depending on what you do or say. Do you think that society would be that way if the internet was like I talked about? The reality is no, because then everybody would have to go, listen, we all say some shit.

We've all said some shit. I think the free market will always go. No. It's my business and I don't want to hire that big it. No. I think that's what they would say. Here's the thing. You don't know that.

I know that because I was a director of operations for companies before this shit existed. When MySpace existed and Facebook existed. Yeah. All this thing existed from what? 2000 until or what? Until 2012. Do you know what we used to do when people come in and go, you know, so and so pose it on their MySpace page that we hate Jews.

We go, shut the fuck up. Did it happen in the store? Our company did that. Most companies would go, oh my God, I can't believe it. We're going to look at that right now. No, they go, I'm sorry, is this an internet thing that doesn't have anything to do with? Did you get, if you got fingered in a stock room, yeah, we'll look into it. But somebody says you on the internet, we go, that's a civil matter.

You can go sue them in civil court if they're slandering you or libeling you. That's not a company issue. that didn't happen on company property. It didn't happen in the workplace. It's not our fucking business. That's the way it used to be. I don't think you were paying attention in the 80s or the 90s when somebody would be like,

yeah, you know, I just don't really like living next to black people. And then they would just go, ah, you know, shut them down and fucking cancel all their shit. Where would you have had to say that in the 80s or the 90s for anybody to hear it? On television or the radio. Well, if you had a team job back then, there were rules because everything was FCC. So you couldn't say that. They, they had complaint and you had probably a code of conduct and

everything else. All right. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're, uh, being a little idealistic about how it would be handled. I think everybody would be firing everybody. Everybody would lose their fucking job overnight for a while. And then every would go, this is fucking crazy. What are we not going to, what are we not allowed to speak? That would have. I think, how about once a month? Everybody has to show the top 10 porn films they watch them. then we can see what's really going on everybody fucking five I don't care what people jerk off to what the fuck are you looking out on porn hub what are she doing with their feet Jesus Christ there are states and I don't agree with this there are states where you have to like put your fucking driver's license

number in to look at porn uh yeah I've heard some about that I don't know what's going on they think me wanting one that you can opt into is too restrictive like I don't think mandate is okay. I would never be like all the internet should be this way, but give me a place where it is

because that's where I'll hang out. And I don't care if somebody calls me a fucking loser. I just want to know who that guy is. I do want to see everyone's porn history.

I feel like it would clarify so much about so many people. You would just, you know, I don't want to know. Honestly, I don't want to know

what makes your dick hard. I couldn't fathom. Like I, it's just a bunch of anime women with big asses. I don't want to know. I can't. Because there's something weird in there. There's something we everyone's got something weird.

Like I was Lola Bunny farting on bugs bunny, you know, and tweet birds in there. I don't share. I don't go. I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't, it's Marge Simpson with a big old dick. I don't classic. I only search for things. Classic stuff.

I don't free scroll. Free scrolls where you get into trouble where you go, do I like this? And then, and then it's a slippery slope, which is what the year search history. Slipery. slopes. That's what you look for. All I can say is there's a lot of good stuff out there. Two of my problems. Keeps getting better. Reading comprehension, non-anonymous internet. Not anonymous internet.

All right, here's my problem. Josh, I'm going to give you a news story. When I bring this up here and this is going to warm your heart. Florida police, the brave Florida police use flat cameras to find abducted children and arrest man. and a Florida police department used the flock license plate reader network to locate abducted children and arrest the suspect. Now, I've been seeing this study or whatever, this story and a lot of other studies and whatever else going, well, the reason we need these flock cameras, which are cameras that we put fucking everywhere to track everyone at all times, literally the one thing we've been warned not to do for like 40 fucking years ever since we invented.

surveillance cameras. Everyone's going, well, but it's stopping kids from getting kidnapped. And I'm seeing all these tweets that go, hey, you know, I don't know how you can argue against these flock cameras unless all you want is for kids to get kidnapped. Here's one of the tweets on this. This is from Rahul. Every child in this video is home tonight. Thank you, Rahul, because flock gave officers the right information at the right second. And here's a video put out by the flock fucking company. Let's take a look at two seconds of this. 9-11-1-1-7 of emergency. My son got kidnapped, so I got off the car to pick up my son. I was waiting. Yes. Immigrant woman, don't care.

But her kid, her kid, got kidnapped. They couldn't have possibly gotten this guy unless they had a bunch of fucking cameras to find him, right? Well, I don't care. Continue. Let's get a little. Let's see if I, let's see if this will keep. I want to create an app where when that voice comes over 911, it hangs up. It acts up because, sorry.

Your parent, you're a brave boy. You're a big brave boy. Every second is critical. And so when we can give the correct information to the right officer at the right time, that's literally the difference between life and death. All right. So, Josh, isn't saving children the most important thing in the world? And we got to give up all our rights so we can save some kids, right?

bad for a number of reasons. Number one, if no kids are molested ever again, movies. We're not going to get good comedy. We're not going to get comedy. We're not going to get comedians. There's going to be no good books. There will be no only fans in 20 if no one's getting molested. No,

girls will be like, you're right. We're going to have no more strippers, hookers, or anything. There's no precious. That book that never gets written. If kids don't. Based on the novel Pushed by Sapphire. It's gone. Never going to be. Sapphire will never write push. No, it doesn't have because you know why?

Because the minute her dad was about to rape her and give her AIDS, woo! We saw them. You're good. Have as much fried chicken as you want. You're safe. Nah, the cops will still let the black kids get molested.

They're not. We'll be there in like a couple hours. We got some white kids to go find. No, I don't like it. I don't, I'm not a surveillance state person. Did you see there was like a neighborhood of Minnesota where they were just,

they keep ripping these things down, which is, and they're doing in Britain. In Britain, they have entire gangs that just go around with these, fucking tree cutters and just cut down all the cameras because josh anytime they're going to try and sell you surveillance state shit it's going to be about well it's for your safety it's for your safety that they did with the fucking patriot act after 9-11 did you see during the super bowl

fucking shoes off at the got more because i'd say pre-check but for a long time i'd take my shoes off at the airport because of two people did something as ilhan omar said did you see during the Super Bowl. They had an ad for ring doorbells. I was talking about how many dogs they find with the ring doorbells. And he went, wait, you're tracking all our fucking license plate number so you can find dogs. Don't do that. Let the dogs go away. I don't fucking care about saving. And then the worst part was the stat was like, last month, we found 30 dogs. And you know, that's not a good enough reason. Do you know? I just want to, I just want to paint this picture. Like, I know people love it. But do you know that in my day growing up that when,

Getting a new dog meant you got somebody else's loose dog. Oh, yeah. And dogs, that was known. Dogs were like our fathers. They didn't have one family. They had several. Sometimes at the same time.

But the thing is, that used to be how you would get a dog, is that somebody else would lose their dog. Now, if you don't like breeders, then get ready because no one's going to lose dogs. So you're going to have to go get a dog. and then eventually when all the dogs no longer go missing,

you're going to have to breed dogs in inhumane ways. Josh's problem is no more free dogs. No more. I want a dog. No, you got it. Dogs have to get loose and they get a new family. That's the natural order of things. Like Lockland Patterson is a comedian in L.A.,

and he goes, you know, everybody's new inside cat was somebody's old outside. I was like, that's a great. I'm probably butchering his joke, but it is true. That's why when my cat went missing, like somebody said, I think I saw an Asian lady put it in her car. I go, well, as long as he's not getting put in a stew, I'm sure he'll be fine. Well, you know, living with some Asian woman now. The beauty of being the new owner of the cat is that it's up to her dealer's choice.

And I'm sorry, if you didn't want your cat to be a suit, do a better job. My head drove a dog. Honestly, when that cat went missing, I went, man, I loved that cat, but I'm going to sleep away. better. That can't tell you. My high school dog was a dog that somebody found. I think it was a person my mom worked with or something was like, we found this stray dog and I was like, we'll take them. And we washed him and shaved him whatever.

And then he was our dog for 10, 12 years. You know, we didn't look into what we didn't go. Oh, yeah, you put up a poster or anything. No, it's our dog now. It's our dog. If you found a 67 Chevy in your fucking garage of your house, you go, I'm sorry, does this belong to somebody? Did anyone ever watch Goonies?

It's our time down here. Dude, when I was living in Oakland, the exact same. My neighbor's two outdoor cats. One day I come home, there's just two cats in my house. And I'm like, whose cats are these? And they were great fucking cats. They loved us. And after they were hanging out with us for like a month,

my neighbor came over, he's like, can I get my cats back? And we're like, oh, these are your cats? He goes, yeah, they don't like the food I give them. You guys give them better food than me. And I go, give them better fucking food. food. They clearly like it over here. My cat is, my cat escaped, I think, for

30 minutes or something one time when I was a kid. Came back pregnant. Had kittens. Oh, yeah. Had them in the dryer. By the way, like in this, in the, when in, climbing. Yeah, they got to find a place. They'll make a nest.

We just can't, my mom came and goes, well, Gizmo had kittens. And I go, I thought gizmo was, I didn't know, was not a, I didn't know it was a, I didn't know it was a girl. I didn't know. I didn't check. I didn't even look. I didn't go, what kind of genitals does. some of us like to keep that a secret from ourselves. You on the other hand are like, let me see how this thing works.

Let me peel it open. Dude, I saw my cat stick exactly one time. And I was like, because my cat was like on his never seen a cat penis in my entire life. I never thought I would ever see one. But my cat was like lying on his side. I'm like,

ah, you want belly rubs, buddy? He's like, yeah, yeah, give me belly rubs, you fat son of a bitch. So I'm rubbing his belly.

I'm like, who lags belly rubs? Who looks? Motherfucker. And I look down and there's this little fucking. pointy cat penis or all the barbs hanging out of it and went you're fucking using me man the suck get out of here he's like come out of my belly doesn't it come out like the x wing comes out of the tennis courts and x-men like isn't it like that it's like a little

triangle with like a i don't know how to describe it but you know it's got the barbs so that once it latches into a lady cat they can't pull away like you can't pull away once you're getting cat raped oh it's got these little it's got these little hook to keep them latched on until the male cat's done. And I said, you're sick. You're sick. You knock that off. Penis bars.

Dude, the weird thing about having a male cat is, even after you get them, spayed. I think it just told us the weird part about having a male cat beat out. Well, they always have the barbs, but I'm saying is that like they still got that fucking rape instinct.

So like for the first couple years, even though that cat was spayed, every once in a while, he'd be like going over to his sister. And he'd be like, I don't mind if a. do and just starts putting his legs on top of I go get off you're fucking you're not going to hump your sister in front of me wait until I leave the house and then you can traumatize that

poor kidd you have a lot of down syndrome kitties do I have a lot of down syndrome kitties do they exist are there's that I don't I don't know well now that we said it's going to a lot of people's on their phones so here's the problem with the flock cameras and the protecting children Josh and this is the same problem with we've been talking about whenever you get a fucking Amber alert on your phone. Aid it. Okay. Is that kid.

Kidnapping is not real. It is a fucking myth. Yeah. These are domestic disputes between parents. 900,000% of the time. Parents, by the way. Mexican parents. So that exact same article I brought up where this week everybody's going, oh my God,

I'm so glad we have the flock cameras in order to save children from kidnapping. If you actually read the fucking story, they arrested a man. CPD started using information probably flock, license plate network, finding both children. This case shows how quickly a domestic violence incident can escalate

and place multiple lives at risk. So what happened was the boyfriend argues with the mom. They're both in the car together, basically, with the kids. And he goes, bitch get the fuck out the car knocks her out the car and then just drives he's just driving around he's driving around he's like i can't believe that fucking bitch fuck that bitch and they're going

he kidnapped two children and you're like he's not going to kill the kids it's a pissed off guy driving around to blow off steam and you're using the with well it's it's he's the boyfriend so even in this it's not his kids but it's not a kidnapping it's not a kidnapping no he's not taking the kids. He's not holding on to the kids. If they are not your biological kids, you don't get to take them on a joy ride. Sorry. Look, the point

is that it's not, it's, they always make it out like it's some guy just grabbing kids off the street and throwing them back of the car. When you're like, no, it's some fucking domestic incident where they're having a stupid argument. Okay. Although I can see it though, because the last girl I dated was a real bad

dog owner and I was like, I should steal her dog. I should take that dog. I should take it. Save it and give them. Now, see if these dogs weren't chipped and there weren't cameras everywhere. I could just let him out and go find him somewhere else later. And then he would be my new dog. This is the problem. But so I wonder if people do that with kids where they go like these kids, bad.

Their mother's terrible. I'll take them out of here. I think if you're going to take a couple of kids and you're a guy and let's say you look like one of us, you got to take them to McDonald's right away. Because I think if the police roll up and they're eating. And the police roll up in your McDonald's, you're good. Kids are good if they're holding ice cream cones and single cheese burgers. I took them to get McDonald's.

You're going to take me to jail for getting a kid McDonald's? Kids love McDonald's. That's a good argument. I took them to dinner and fed them. What are you fucking? All right, kids, throw out your chicken nuggets. The cops say you can't have McDonald's anymore. Yeah.

I'm going to go, no, we like McDonald's. Oh, nope. The cops say you can't have no McDonald's. Yeah, yeah. Apparently, it's a felony to take them to McDonald's. So that's what you do. You take them right. You take them right to get McDonald's.

chickens and a plate you take them to a play place and then best case scenario somebody else takes them and then yeah and then you go i think i got nothing to do with that i don't know where those kids i i turned around for one second and then somebody else got them so the department of justice estimated myself the department of justice estimated that out of 200,000 family abducted oh no they looked into all the abducted children over a year of them 200,000 were family abducted and 58,000 were non-family abducted, which again could just be boyfriends and, you know, fucking Uncle Steve or whoever the fuck. 78% of children are abducted by a family member. 53% of the time, it's the biological father, 25% of the time, it's the biological mother.

And these are overwhelmingly custody situations. In fact, most of them are just, it's a divorced parent. And you go, you're not supposed to have the kids for more than four hours. hours on Sunday, but you've been missing an extra two hours. So I'm going to weaponize the cops by calling it an Amber alert on you. And then you get a fucking ring on your phone. Amber alert, Amber alert. And you go, who's missing?

Jettoya Jackson. You go, ah, come on. If it's a white kid, you actually got to get lucky or you got to get worried. Hold on. Oh, no. That was a slip. I didn't know Freud was making an appearance on the show. If it's a white kid on the amber alert, I go, okay, this is a real

problem because that means if you're a kidnapper and you're looking for a kid to snap off the street you don't go let's grab a black kid or a mexican kid like there's no one's taking those joy or challenge in that no you know it's uh the white kids you go worry about every time we get an amber alert it's always like uh huandez rodriguez and you go yeah yeah yeah he's gonna be he's he's going to be found two hours from now because his dad took him the ball game he's going to be at his grandma's house because dad took a little too long at the ball game and missed the fucking custody handover at the police station. This is the thing is like now that you got to flock cameras,

no more Amber alerts. You guys are handling it, right? So, and I don't think we voted on the flock cameras, but like if you guys are going to surveil us all the time, I don't want to know, I don't even want to know when someone goes missing. You guys find it. If you figure it out,

we're going to give you all the same of the cops. I don't want you guys post in self-congratulatory little videos where you go, yeah, we rescued a kid from his dad who had him for an extra hour on Sunday. Has an Amber Alert has an Amber alert ever produced has anyone ever gotten an amber alert called the number and I'm like you know this fucking kid sitting right next to me at my buddy's house? I had no idea. That's never the only thing you ever get it's always like yeah I saw that car because he'll be like he's been a gray Nissan with this plate number. Yeah, he's at the McDonald's. They're eating McDonald's. Nothing's happening. No one's getting human trafficked. No one's getting raped.

And all these people with the flock cameras, they go, oh, what, you don't want to protect kids? And I go from their shitty Hispanic parents? Not really. I don't really care that much. We know how small they can make cameras. Why are you putting these camera? If you want to save kids, don't put these cameras on lamp posts and streetlights. Put them at the lips of a child's asshole.

And anytime they bring up, send the cops. Send the cops. No shit detector. anything sometimes going in instead of out cops that's it we solve it no more amber alerts you don't got to shoot my license plate if it anyone trips the sensor the kid explodes the pedophile dies that's even better that's even marketed the pants off alarm for children where every time a kid's pants come down you got to put in a cell phone code you got to use the bathroom you got to take she yeah but it'd be an app there'd be an app billy goes i got to use the bathroom you go okay

you got two minutes before the fucking pants off alarm comes back on okay then if a predator goes up your kid you go hey let me see what's in those pants yeah 100% no more pantsing was fun but i guess it has how it may be as it's it's past its time like we got to it's past its time it will end pantsing in schools and the kids know the pants off alarm will go on Yeah, I don't, I'm not fucking any kids. I don't need the government to know where my car is at 24 hours a day. I don't like that. I think that we need to stop every time.

If there's ever a law or a new piece of technology and the primary argument for it is it's going to help kids, it's going to save kids. You should know that they're lying to you. That's it. There has never been any piece of technology that was actually designed. Because again, we just, we just told you the perfect piece of technology. if you really want to protect kids from getting molested. It's a fucking alarm that goes off with the kids' pants get to a certain level down. If the kid pulls his own pants down, alarm goes off anyway, just as a precaution.

If you really want to save kids, there you go. It's a perfect piece of technology. You don't need to track everybody on earth and where they're going. Right. Just put an alarm on the pants. Right. Or maybe the butthole, as Josh has proposed, my I think is a little less invasive. Yeah, the pants is too.

I don't think it's after the pants. it should be at the at the crest of an anus hole. John has gone straight or Josh has gone straight to the butthole camera. I'm willing to stay in the pants area. Lips camera, butt lips. Yeah. Anything breaches the butt lips. It's a five alarm.

The police just arrive. I think that if you really want to protect kids, there's infinite ways to do it. A flock camera surveilling all our neighborhoods. You people think the best way to protect kids is to kill them before they're born. That's what you guys do. That's your favorite. That's the Democrat way.

Yeah, we make sure your kids will never be victimized. If we have these kids, we're eventually going to want to fuck them. So we should probably just kill him now. Well, that's not what it is. Good point, V. Don't let them get, don't let them live and get sexy. Oh, whatever.

We don't want to abort all the kids. I don't know how you can argue against abortion. You guys always go, I can't believe there's so many Mexicans. They're going to replace all the white people. They're definitely going to replace the white people if you don't let them kill their kids. That's like the first way to fucking stem the tide. Well, by the way, this is the actual white supremacist, nihilist, full circle.

Because you get to a point, I want to point this out. This is why liberals are definitely more racist than conservatives. You got to get to a point where you go, wait a minute, if we take away the abortion, that means they're going to be more black people. So let's not do that. And let's make sure that if there's one abortion clinic in every black neighborhood, we get that number to two or three by the end of the month. That's what it is.

I go, listen, the Constitution promises life, liberty, pursuit of happiness in the Declaration in the 19th or 14th Amendment or whatever. It says life, liberty, property. The first thing the government says it's established to do is protect human life. If it doesn't do that, it fucking fails on the first. That shit is, that was all like goof. Nobody believes that shit. Yeah, but what about the first amendment?

We said that at the same time, we were bringing them over to fucking make them work the fields. You think now we want to protect the babies? He didn't fucking care. No, we didn't. They were already here when we made the country. We screwed to them. Well, then we're trying to retroactively try to figure it out. My point is,

my point is I can find a reason in the Constitution that life should be protected. The difference is, is you guys are like, nah, it could be hard. So we should just not even give them the fucking choice to live. We should just decide they should die for them. All I'm saying is the Asian Americans never have to worry about their abortion rates being too high.

They're doing fine. It's specifically certain communities. They don't have too many kids. Do you know why? You can't eat that stuff every day. It's overwhelming. It's stinky. Kidnapping myths is the problem.

It's a myth, guys. Stop worrying about kids getting kidnapped. It ain't happening. It's happening, but it's not happening at the point where you're going to give up all your rights. 78% of kids abducted by a family member, again, to bring them to McDonald's. Aren't they also? That's the worst thing that's happening. Isn't it also like an astounding number of molestations as family members, too?

So this is your argument. This is your thing. It's like, this is why the nuclear family is the biggest problem. If nobody had a family, nobody would get abducted or molested. Well, that's a good argument is now you're returning those kids to their molesting families. Okay. So it's even good that you go find them. You know, how we found your.

kid and we brought him back home safe. Oh, thanks, officer. That kid's going, fuck, now I'm going to get fucking molested. This is the realistic left is full circle. We destroy the nuclear family. Nobody gets abducted and molested. It's a great end of black cameras are creating molestation. That's what it is.

It's bringing kids back to their shitty fan. The kids were trying to go. They're like, uh, Uncle Tom's going to take me away from all this molestation. We're forcing those kids. You think I'm going to get him? Oh, some uncle's taking them. Maybe not Uncle Tom. Uncle Tom, he's taking him up there, a little bit of roasted toes in front of the fireplace.

All I know is it's a myth and you've got to vote for my problem. It's the best problem. Guys, what a show. We've learned a lot. We've had a lot of fun. I want to thank my good friend Josh, Danny, Josh, you got anything you want to promote here tonight? Not a thing. Not at all.

Not at all. No, just if you haven't yet watch my special, Goliath, you can see it on X. It's on YouTube. uh and any other news about what i have going on coming up will be at josh dennycom you can always find my stuff there josh denny's goliath is available on youtube you can search for josh denny goliath uh do you still have that stand-up i did before your show that i never give you the footage i never got the clip no i have it it's on a drive i have all of it i never got rid of yeah how do i get that from you it was not a terrible set no it's good so yeah i still need

to get that and it's really great football footage. So. Well, yeah, let me know how to get that from you. I'd love to get it. We have to meet in person and you have to take it off of the drive that it's on. So I have to bring a hard drive to you and then I can get it. Yeah, I can transfer it. Fantastic. All right, I'm going to look at the super chats. Oh, here they are. They're in a exciting part of the thing. Okay, auto star super jup. Yes. For $20, the gentle red giant has returned to the mic. Thank you, father, Vito. We love Josh. next shoot new show title food and getting fat rip car rip show yeah that forgot about our ip car and you got

you thought r ip car was like a christian dig and i'm like it said nothing to do with christianity no i didn't think the r ip car was a christian dig what did i think was a christian dig i can't remember what was you said you said we're all praying for you and i was like fuck you dude that was not a christian I didn't think about that. I will say this, destiny has probably never been right about anything. But on that show where this was discussed, he was 100% right about both how you misread the situation and what you said that was not correct. He was a hundred straight of his interview.

It was like, that was not that. Give it a day. You were sending this over hours after it happened when Carl and I still had airbag burns on our body. I didn't know. I guess that's the other thing is people here's a problem people assuming I know that you got airburn bag I have a fucking where you're at after the crime assume you're at home at that fucking point I just said this is what an airbag does when it explodes on your arm all right well I missed that fucking part it's not a big deal yeah what do you guys doing oh I just totaled my car oh okay well for you're all right P car I think just acknowledging that you were in a situation is a good friend thing oh is it Okay. Well, I'll remember that when they haul you away in cuffs. Thank you.

I'll just go. We all said it's going to happen. Cardinal bird for five says thank you for the weekly episode of our favorite show, Vito, AK for five. Name them Josh. I know what that's in record. Widow Bell for five. Vito is cool. Josh Denny is too. I like the show Vito.

Be funny, Denny. Don't not be funny, Dick. Don't be in the show. We now have good show. Here's Mersh. I don't know if you're a Mersh fan. Josh, I have issues with relationships like you. I believe it's due to my superior intelligence and overwhelming success.

Do you have some advice for Mersh? This is, by the way, this is so funny. This is a great example of bad reading comprehension. I never said I'm smarter than these women. I've said that it's been an issue and that they are insecure about my intelligence. And it usually just comes out in vocabulary. So like, I'll use a word and they've never heard of it or something. and they'll just go, oh, that makes me feel stupid.

And I go, that's okay. It doesn't, like, I don't expect you to know that. And it's a bigger issue for them. And I've had women tell people go, you just think it's that and not that you're, first of all, yeah, I'm fat. They didn't realize until six months in. Are you out of your goddamn mind? But are you saying that women are like worried about intelligent guys? No, I didn't.

No, I said in my relationship specifically. Yeah. The difference in intelligence often comes up where they, something happens where they go, I just feel stupid around you or I feel stupid or like I'll make a joke that they don't get and other people will laugh and they're like oh this makes me feel dumb and I go well that's okay like sometimes people smarter than me say shit that makes me feel dumb you know what I do I go I'm not as as smart as them it's fine you don't have to be insecure about it but they are they just they really have an issue with it and I think part of it could be why they have an issue with is they go oh my god

I'm fucking this ugly fat guy and I got to feel retarded too. Well, yeah. It's kind of what that comes with it. I don't know. Okay. Tell me if I'm crazy. But like whenever I'm, you know,

and even now I've been like, you know, texting with girls or whatever else. And I find that they think it's funny when I tell them how stupid they are. Oh yeah. They like to be teased about shit. Like my ex was that. I was like,

I go, sometimes you're so fucking retarded. It's I, I talk about it in the special. It's in the special where I go, there are. times where she needs me to like shake her legs because they fell asleep while she was taking a shit that's something you have to do for retarded people in a home like that's so yes i would joke about

stuff like that but uh it's like yeah it all it often comes up and sometimes it's like it really just is them telling me you like the way you speak or sometimes around you i feel stupid and i go like well i mean i don't know what to tell you but i have this uh i have this ex-girlfriend you know and She sends me sexy pictures. We keep, you know, we're going to hook up. She's not in town anymore. I got to wait for the next time she comes to L.A. But I sent her one of these, uh, Ali Baba fucking machines.

Have you seen these? A fuck machine? Yeah, yeah, they're cheap now. So it used to be. It's been a little while for me, but I think you're supposed to be the fuck machine. I'm not there. She's not here. She's in another fucking part of the state.

Why don't you fire a man? Why don't you send her another man? So I said as a gift. So I sent her. Did you mold it to your own cock at least? No, no, no, no. It's one of these things. It's a little Chinese made piston that just goes like this and you mount whatever you want on there. You got her a shitty Timo one. I got her the Timo one. Everybody gets the team one. You got to give her the shitty fuck machine. So she's trained up for your level of fuck. You got to get her the good one. I'll disappoint her when she has me. look I fucked up and I got her the one that doesn't come with the attachments for fucking so then she went and she got her own attachments you need more than one what are the different it didn't come with any it has the thing ready it's ready for an attachment but it didn't come with any attachments and you didn't let me make my dick and send it to her no I didn't craft my dick I said you went third party dick I let her determine the dick that she wanted but then she went let her pick another guy's car she She shut up.

She bought the wrong one, though, and it doesn't fit on the machine. And she sent me a text and she's going, it doesn't work. And I said, well, it's probably because you're a dumb woman and you, you set it up wrong. And she goes, Teehee, that's funny. So they like when you talk shit to it. She goes, she goes, the one I picked, the machine doesn't have enough horsepower to push it. It's a problem for us. She got the big, she got a big old donkey dick and the machine doesn't power to know.

I'll talk to you more often. I'll feel so much better about my situation. What? I bought her the fucking thing and then she doesn't know how to set it up and I'm telling her you got to buy this you have to buy Dill-Dill-Dill, you know the three XLR attachment for the microphone? Yeah. That's the attachment they use for the fucking machine Dildos. It's a three XLR. It's an XLR. So if you want to, you can just put a microphone on there and have a microphone, fuck you. I don't know why they determined that was the most. It is a pretty solid attachment. I get it while they're using it. Oh, that's what I would think is it. No, it doesn't record audio sadly. Well, you would think so. But then she's going to me and she's going, well, why don't you just buy me the fucking attachment? I go, bitch, I buy you a whole fucking machine. Buy your own dildo.

And also, and this is another thing that. Sorry, you finish the story. I don't want to interrupt you. No, no. I mean, that's pretty much the end of it is that I went. The reason it's not working is because you bought the wrong thing because you're a dumb woman. She goes, ah, ha, ha, ha, tee. So.

Yeah, and this is the thing. So this is what's so funny. And I probably said this to a thousand people yesterday in the comments. almost everything that people don't like about me is a projection of something they invented in their head. So Mersh goes, yeah, it's because of my superior intelligence and all my success. I never said anything about my success. This is the thing. My entire career, I know exactly who I am. I know I'm fat. I know I'm ginger. All right. I know that I've, at points have done well for myself and had a little bit of money and at times I've been flat broke. I'm honest about all of it. I'm authentic as

fuck and people don't like that I like myself. They go, you should, you should hate yourself as much as we hate ourselves. So anytime I say anything that's not self-deprecating, they go, look at this guy fucking thinking he's the shit. And so Mersh going success, the tweet I posted about the intelligence thing in relation. I said nothing about my success. Okay. Now, Mersh said something stupid in regards to that on X.

Was Mersh Duncan on you here? No, no. he tried he goes in and he goes yeah me too man me too in his Mersh voice and I go Mersh you've never made anything your whole life is just commenting on other people make something do something like but don't don't pretend that we're the same like I'm not an internet talking about internet guy other than right now except for that and that and that but it's true you don't mention success uh here necessarily I don't talk about success anywhere. And I don't say they're dumber than me.

And I don't say I'm smarter than them. And people go, well, how do you know that they're insecure about it? They tell me. They tell me they're insecure about it. So what I think is so funny is that like what, what I've kind of mastered, this is where I'll brag, what I've mastered about the way I tweet is, it's the things I don't say that people react to because of what I do say makes them feel. So the jazz man of Twitter.

It's all about the notes you're not playing. Not playing. When I said the thing in 2018 that first got me canceled, I said straight white male is this century's N-word. There's no difference in the usage. Everyone said you're saying that white people are as oppressed as black people. Now, if I were smarter back then, I would have said, nope, didn't say that. And it would have been the end of that. But instead of, where the fuck did you get that?

I went back and forth with these people and everything else. But that's what they do. People actually telling them. themselves when they react to shit you didn't say oh this guy fucking thinks he's hot shit well first of all you're massively insecure i didn't say that if you think me owning who i am and liking myself and go and i don't mean i'm perfect there's shit i'm working i'm trying not to die before i'm 50 by being fat and this is why we don't hang out more because if you're always like let's go eat all the shit and i go i want to do that that's me being a drug addict we could eat some time that's my ad friend

calling me going, let's go to Sizzler and do all the drugs. And I go, yeah, I want to do that. But I'll die at 50 if I don't stop the shit. Okay. And so, uh, that doesn't mean I'm perfect, but I know who I am. And you guys should learn how to do that. Yes, that is the one thing that I think I'm good at that I don't think any of you know how to do is just accept who the fuck you are.

And if you're working on things about yourself, you could tell people about that or not. It's not their fucking business unless they're part of your life. I think here's the thing. anybody who likes them or just like this is who I am you make yourself look like a fucking fag I think the problem you're walking into is anytime a big fat guy goes here's the problem with women oh yeah the response is going to be you're a big fat guy like what can you do this he can't I have a bit about this in the new hour where I'm like one of the main reasons I have to lose weight is because nobody believes fat people are right about anything yeah

it's automatically you could know I could run out of a burning building and go, that's on fire. They go, I don't know, man. He's kind of, you know what I mean? Like, he don't know shit about shit. He's a fat guy. What does he know? People, you, you, the reason you don't get pussy is because I've never had a problem

getting pussy. One guy goes, your problem is probably your personality. I go, dude, your wife is uglier than any woman I've ever fucked even in my nights. Like, my numbers are modest. I was in a 12-year relationship. I think I might have fucked. like 30 women in my entire life, but none of them are ugly.

So there's never been an issue. I've never been a guy who's like, oh, man, women don't fuck me enough. I just don't let, I'm not one of those guys. And I also don't give a, I'm 43. If you're 33 and you still give a shit about getting pussy, you need to grow the fuck up. Like that's absurd at our age. And be like, oh, no, if I got enough pussy in my lifetime. That's stupid.

That's fucking ridiculous. Look, I'm not reading a lot of dating sites. I don't know what women are looking for. They all seem a little bit nuts. But you did fall in the classic trap of being a fat guy trying to say anything about women. I don't know what you expected. Okay? Like, obviously this was going to happen.

I get it. You have to accept it. I get it. I get that's what it is. But just say that's what it is. Hey, fat. You're a big fat guy. You don't know.

Hey, fatty, shut up. That's all it is. Yeah, talk about my tits. Call me fat. Be funny. Be funny. Don't try to like make an intellectual argument. that what I said isn't true and it has to be untrue because I'm fat

that wouldn't be dating these women in the first place if the fat was a problem for them I think you're going to get yeah you're going to get that knee jerk Korean I don't know man I don't know if women want an intelligent guy it seems like women enjoy being ridiculed for being stupid women because I think deep down they know that the well I think I think the ones that I like it I think the ones that have a good sense of humor can be fun about it like yeah and I'm fine with by the way I don't I don't need a woman to be super smart. I want a woman to be kind. I've actually found that really, really intelligent women are also really, really cold. So that's not appeal. That would be like dating myself. Like I'm,

I can be kind of cold sometimes or not. I don't, I think that's the problem with a lot of intelligent people is, uh, intelligent people get a lot wrapped up in their own feelings. I think probably the relationships that work the best are too dumb people. We just go. Oh, yeah. We usually go to the Disney world and we could get a micke mouse, a waffle. and ride them teacups. Some people are the happiest people on earth. I'm jealous. I remember when I graduated high school and you have that mentality,

like, I'm not going to be one of these guys who like never leaves town and just shits out a bunch of kids. Like, I want to be somebody. And then I look back at those people now and I go, those are the happiest people I know. The people who never found, they have three fucking kids. They own a landscaping company. I go, that's the move. That was the move.

Like the problem with like being a person who ever. has any success or fame or any notoriety or anything else is like it's like a pandora's box you see behind the curtain and you go like oh wow like this unlocked so much this is interesting it unlocks so much shit like when i had a tv show and i posted about this andrew tate like reposted it when i had a tv show there were women who were like i'll never fuck you that i knew from like high school or the jobs i had in my 20s or whatever who came out of the woodworker were like what are you doing when you're in denver what are you doing when you're in the bratt it was just like oh wow this you're you're this shit changes overnight.

Like you, this is a status is a huge, status is a huge part of it, man. It's crazy. So it is like, I don't consciously think, like I had a few issue. I should be fucking whatever I want.

But it does change your mind of like, oh, wow, like I have access to this whole other world of people, interesting people that I admire that I would like to get to know or whatever. I want to make shit. I want to like, and then you do you do get to meet some of them and you go, oh, that guy's cool.

Like, I want to make a movie with that guy or I want to like make comedy sketches with that person. So then you have this whole new menu of like cool shit that your life could be. And it keeps changing and it keeps growing. And you go, oh shit, Kanye West asked me to help him start a shoe company. And then he went more great. I wish that had happened.

That would have been a fun. Yeah. But there are moments in your life like as you go through this stuff. And even like when times are down or whatever, you're not doing anything like I'm not doing anything right now, you do have to take stock and go back and go when I was a 17 year old kid, if you would have told me at any point in my life, I would be backstage at the comedy store in L.A. Working on bits with Ron White,

I would have been like, in what fucking universe would that ever be my life? Where Ron White would be helping me with comedy bits, like, are going like, hey, did you pick you this tag or whatever? I would have never thought that. Did I think when I was 21 years old, that the rapper,

Kanye, that I was listening to while I was working at a video store, someday I would be sitting in a private airfield with him, making jokes with me. each other about how they can't take me to New Mexico with them or whatever or Wyoming, where his big property is. I can't go to Wyoming with them because I'm too fat to get on a fucking private jet. Like I would never think of these things.

So like once you have that, that's part of it is really crazy. Now I don't know if I could go back to just nothing. Maybe I could. Maybe I would be great. But you do the possibilities like that when you're young, your parents, you could do anything. And you go, yeah, but like not really because we're all fucking everybody was in the military. None of us went to college. Yeah, I can do anything, but like not really.

And then you go do some cool. You're an Asian kid. You could probably do anything. I'd have two by the lens as a child. Yeah, you'd be good. You don't think, you don't, everything is actually going to happen. And then when you get there and you taste it, you go, wow, this, I really could. I really could do some cool shit.

So now I want to do cool shit. And I, and now I want to, if I don't ever get to do cool shit again, that's cool. I'm going to die trying to make cool shit because I like doing it. I like the collaboration. I like working with people. I like I love the guys I made my TV show with. I use them for my special. I love the relationships I've gotten to make with people along the way.

And they have interesting stories and they're cool. So like that's not me having a go about. That's me telling you this is what it feels like. And this is why it's fun. Well, the, the LA trap is, you know, everybody always goes, man, I should leave LA. It's cheaper or whatever else. But then you do think about like, man, I've had like some cool experiences.

I've got to make stuff out here that I wouldn't have ever got to make. You know, I made a, I made a pilot for a show. And the guy who directed it went on to do all the, all the visual effects for everything, everywhere all at once. Oh, that's great. Dude, it's crazy. I go, yeah, that guy fucking, we filmed a pilot together, man. And like other guys who I've worked with, like even just recently, like,

getting to film with Jay Johnson. I'm like, dude, I was in high school smoking pot watching Mr. show. I know. I never thought I'd come out to L.A. film some shit with Jay Johnson. I know. That's crazy to think that I was never a Mr.

show guy. I liked the state when I was a kid. But we watched also kids in the hall. We watched all the sketch shows. Yeah, I did watch some kids in the hall. But like, that's,

that's the crazy thing is like, I had Thanksgiving at Jay's house this past year. And I know. I missed the fucking invite and I'm pissed. And at some point, at some point, you got to go like, holy shit dude like my friends are people that i watched on arrested development when i was 20 years

old yeah j was on arrested development and then the sarah silverman program and like so it's just like what is this like sometimes you go what is this fucking life and and part of my becoming religious again is like trying to accept that that is not me that is something greater than myself and then to have gratitude for it like people think that i associate with gavin mcinnis because he's more famous than me or Anthony Coomia because they're more famous to me. These are guys who when the whole industry kicked me out were like, come with us. Like Anthony had me on his show. Gavin had me on his show. They're my friends. And then as I've as I've as we've done comedy together and tours together, like we've gotten to really know each other and we're now really good friends where like they call

me on my birthday. Like when when when I posted something that was like sad guy shit after. my breakup and Gavin texted, he's probably going to be like, don't tell people this faggot, but he was, or he called me and left me a voicemail. I was like, hey, man, if you're down and you're feeling shitty and I know you could be, come to New York and stay at the house and we'll go to comedy clubs and we'll do whatever or whatever. Do you know how many of my friends in LA did that? Do you know how many of your friends from childhood did that? Zero. Zero. I've never done that for you. Zero. So when people, I'm a shitty friend. You only like Gavin McGinnis because you think he adds to your fucking but no i like gabin mcinnis because he's truly one of my best

fucking friends in the on earth and if if he called me and said i need you to come do something for me right now i would be on a fucking plane in a split second so yeah well i think that's a big part of l.a too is the lack of loyalty is yeah it's a big problem yeah it's interesting that uh everybody in a la is trying to get ahead so it is cool to like form these relationships and you know try to make creative shit but then we would never like well we would have never met if I never got canceled because Dick only found out about me because of me doing Gavin and Anthony and then Dick invited me over to do a show and then we became friends and then I met you and then we became friends like all of this shit at some point you have to go every bad thing in

my life has actually led to like great people great human beings people that I care about and that I like to work with and that is that is more wealth than any amount of money to me and I know that sounds cliche, but like that is why at one point I just had to go, this is God. This is not coincidence. I know that's not. I got it. I know. Jesus did it.

I know. It's not me. It's not you. We didn't look at ourselves. I got the chat to give me the wrap it up, uh, on the Josh Denny proselytizing hour. But guys, if you come to Jesus, great things will happen to you. That's the Josh. You don't have to come to him.

That's the Josh, Denny said he already lives in your heart. I know. I know all the rhetoric. He's already in there. Weido Bell for two says Diazpera. That is how you say it, by the way. I can't pronounce it.

I'm an idiot. L.J. Claverino for two says, comedic racism. We're so back. Cazin says, well, Josh Denny get paid like Billy did. Yes,

I will throw Josh a couple bucks. L.J. Claberino for two. Josh wants to live an elite, Hollow Earth Society. That sounds nice. What is that? That sounds good.

I don't know. Tell us in the super chats. Sir counter so far. Wait, what's the sur count? S l. Oh, slur counter. F's three ends one. Yeah, that was you. The end is you.

I did it with an A. I did it with an A. So it's fine. It counts. Methylvania for three says, get a skinny co-host next time. No, no, no skinnies. Meat Glazier for five says we want Mr. Girl. Kazza says, don't pay Josh.

Josh sucks. He takes her back. No, we love Josh. And Mikey Goose says, Patrick Melton misses you. Isn't that fantastic? You try to mend fences for me and Patrick at one point. I still think that was you. I want everyone to mend fences.

That was you. That was you trying to be a good friend. I gave you shit for that, but that was you trying to be a good friend. And so I give you. I don't want anyone to, uh, here's my theory. Here, I'm going to do my come to Jesus moment. Let's just make great comedy. Everybody stop fucking fighting.

Everybody stopped trying to ruin. You're a fucking idiot. That guy sucks. There's too much trying to drag. Look, let's be clear. We are nothing. This whole D-tier fucking internet sphere. We're all a bunch of retards making, you know,

bottom bargain basement fucking podcasts. And every time we go like, hey, well, maybe we could make something a little bit better. Or maybe we could get together. We could like film some shit or whatever. There's a bunch of guys in the fucking bargain basement going, no, stay in the shit. just make shit we're all shit and i go can we just for once everybody just kind of encourages everybody

you keep making stuff you don't got to go in the comments everybody's pockets go actually your show's worse than his show and he made more like i watched the dabble verse guys and they're always obsessed over who's making the most money that week he got more super chats this week your show's on the way out and i go okay i understand that's fun to a certain extent but wouldn't it be more fun if we go hey, all this petty fighting between us, uh, look, I understand the fun of it.

It should remain fun. Some people take it too far. Uh, the feuds become personal or whatever else. Yeah, but you don't know, man, you don't understand the psychology of that.

Like you got, I'm not saying, and I'm not saying this has anything to do with Patrick. No, I'm not saying, Patrick. I'm not saying Patrick. Yeah.

I'm talking war with your audience. And this is where I agree with Dick. You probably not going to like this. But you got to understand that there's a reason why people are audience members who say, who say shit like that, and you have to understand that those people will never think like you. Like those are people who don't try to do hard things

because they cannot live with the concept of failure. You are not afraid to fail at doing hard shit, which is why you want to make things better. And you don't care if you look stupid doing it or whatever else. You're never going to get the approval from people who don't have the courage to do that. So you got to let that shit go. You got to stop going like, I don't understand why they don't like that.

I'm making it better for them. You can't make it better for them. You got to make it better for you. whatever that looks like make it better for you and hope that they like it but they are never going to cheer you on because if they ever had that in themselves they would be cheering themselves on and they would be making shit that's better than what you're making so you just got to let that go i like the criticism i like the poke no you know no you know i i do i do when it's when it's like reasonable when it's like oh okay there's a cat dot though if it's supportive it's not criticism

and they're not going to it doesn't have to to be supportive. It's it's when they don't understand, hey, Vito's doing a magic card podcast and it doesn't get that many views. And they go, it's completely over for Vito. What a fucking idiot. You have to ignore that. You have to put your head down and make it. I am ignore. Well, all right. You're right. I will ignore it. That's like, I just don't understand that like these people are like, I can't wait to see Vito lose all his money and fail. And I go, why do you want that? your failure because they could they will not try something that they could fail at that's all it is i mean it's like i said yeah there's a good chance most things i try at i will probably most people fail at most

things this is why if my failure if my failure brings you joy that's i guess good i guess i don't understand you're taking it too personally the reason why socialism is so popular is because people most people would rather sacrifice the possibility of exceptionalism so that their neighbor just doesn't have more than them. They just don't want you to have more than they do. That's why people hate me because in their mind, they see success where I don't mention it. And they go, this guy just thinks he has more than me.

And I don't think of you at all. I don't think about you at all. And that's how you have to be. You got to stop with this. I don't understand why they don't encourage me. It's because they would have to then look at themselves and go, why am I encouraging this fat man in LA to do more with his life than I'm not working. It's not encouragement.

It's the, it's the overwhelming like, oh, I can't wait to see the next thing Vito fails at. And I go, there's a lot of stuff that you can already look at that I failed at. You got to love failure. If you want to do this shit, corn boys was a complete disaster. I'm right there with you. Corn boys was very bad. I get it. And by the way, and I'll say this too, sometimes you got to stop tinkering and put the

fucking thing out and move on to the next thing. Right. That is happening. Right. So that and you got it. And listen, when they call you on that, you got to go, you got me. You got me. I'm thinking much.

I'm trying to be. I'm a tinkerer. But you just sometimes you can just, you got to love your own work as it is, man. Like I, I put out the special and I watch it now and I go, I'm proud of this. Yeah. Could it have looked better for sure? Could we, could I have spent more money? Definitely.

Not much more. I didn't have much more. I pretty much more. I pretty much spent everything I had at the time. But I look at that and I go, if that's the last cool thing I make, I'm proud of it. At some point, you just got to look at your shit and go, I'm proud of it. I hope they like it. And if they don't, then I hope they like the next one.

But I'm not going to stop making shit and I'm not going to stop enjoying making it. And that's why you got to do it for you. And that's why you got to make it with people you love. And then you don't give a fuck what the response is. Like you, you got to watch Rick Rubin podcast, bro. I'm not saying anything that's unique. everything I'm saying I stole from that fucking guy. So watch a Rick Rubin podcast and he will tell you why you,

why you go through this internal fucking struggle with your audience, would you have way more of an audience than I do for podcasts, by the way? So you should feel good about that. I do. I'm very happy with it. Here's what I'm most happy for is the people who are letting me figure things out, man.

It's going to take a couple weeks before everyone's like, it's not immediately as good as it used to be. And I go, yeah, It shouldn't be. It's a new thing, man. No, it's going to take some time. By the way, that's the thing is like there was a magic between you and Dick and the golden air. When the thing was in the beginning and you guys were in studio together, it was the only podcast I watched all week.

I love you guys for different reasons. You're both friends of mine. But that's okay. Like, this is the new version. And listen, so sometimes you've got to pick up and move on. I never visualized what my life would be being a cancel. When I had a TV show, I was like, great. Then what's the next thing?

And the next thing, you don't ever see it ending and then having to pick up the pieces and move forward, but that's what we do. And that's what you're doing. I just want to make a listenable podcast every week. And I think it's going to get a bit better week after week. A listenable podcast. I will look. I just want to, once I get out of the heat, maybe it'll be a little, I feel like the heat's destroying my brain. No, no. Coup for five. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Nice to see you, Josh Denny. Josh Denny, 100 years, Josh and Vito. Josh DennyLies.com. Yeah. Vianci has on a website. Fancy asks how many are watching

Biggest problem? I said still over 300. She shot just like Vito from the hip so fast. My head's on. See, that's a pretty good one. That's a good fat guy joke. That's a good fat guy joke. I said that. Yeah, a woman made that joke. I don't believe it. No, that's good. Listen, good on her.

All right, guys. This has been the biggest problem in the universe. I got to get out of this fucking heat. It's destroying my brain. Don't forget. Check out Josh Denny on YouTube. Check out his comedy special Goliath. He's also on X at Josh Denny, you can see all his tweets about how women are dumb and he is the ultimate man. That's the bottom line.