The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 242

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

And welcome to the biggest mother of the universe, episode 242, with my beloved and trusted cop, Carl Hamburger. Carl, how you been? This is the only show that ranks every problem in the universe from Carl's here again to Carl's Vito's only friend. I'm Carl Hamburger from Who Are These Podcasts. I made some new friends recently. We'll see, Carl.

Oh, really? I started my comedy class. Oh, okay. Yeah, you talked about that. I thought I talked you out of it, but you don't listen to me. Okay. No, no, no, I want to say, I think, you know when you're the best in the class, but you kind of got to play it, you know. Oh, Jesus Christ, you've got a chip on your shoulder.

You're like, maybe you don't know that performed at Hackamania, so I'm kind of a big deal. You may have seen me on YouTube, you know. Yeah, I've been around the block. I'm sure you've all made fun of Star Wars, but you haven't had a million people watch you make fun of Star Wars. So I saw people's eyes light up when I did my, we all had to do like, two. minutes of stand up and I could see I could see they're like this guy has got it going on you know it's funny so I've seen you stand up a couple times and when you were at hackomania which was the first hackomania which was this weird like punk bar the venue was was weird and it was kind of it wasn't

easy for comics I was there and I wanted to like you all you were sure was about Harry Potter I've never seen a Harry Potter movie so I didn't get any reference I don't know what the fuck you were talking about I was like I bet this makes sense to someone I was trying I was trying to That material was not good. I was trying a couple new things. I mean, it is funny that Harry Potter has an, they're like, it's a progressive show or whatever, you know? And then you're like, what's the name of the Asian girl? And they go, Ching Chang.

I mean, that's not progressive. They're just straight up racist. I didn't tell you to rehash your material so I could not get it again. But I'm explaining why, you know, anybody can get there. No, I think, I think I'm going to be doing a little bit of stand-up. Maybe, I don't know. We'll see. It was fun.

good to test my material out. So you think you crushed it in this class is what you're saying. I bombed in Hacomani. I bombed hard. No, no, I'm saying. I'm not talking about that. I crushed it. In this class, you did very well. Who have to be polite, I nailed it. So did the teacher come just

go, I'm sorry, why don't you teach me? And now you're running the class? Is that what happened? I'm good friends with the teacher. So I already, I have, there's a little bit of favoritism there that I don't want to take advantage of So the teacher is not Dick Masterson. The teacher's not Dickman.

I don't think Dick. Because you're friends with him. Because I'm friends with him, right. He'll actually return my phone calls. Yep. Well, anyway, guys, it is the biggest problem in the universe. And we're going to just get right into it. Here's who won from last week, Carl.

Where's my terrible drum roll? I think I have one. No, I have a dead Mario. That's just as good. last week Carl you won with the problem of crowdfunding creative projects congratulations

yes I got the most votes by far crowdfunding creative projects and I want to let me give myself a little thanks kids I appreciate it am I allowed to talk about the aftermath of this right now or do you want to go through the rest of the

oh good go for it so it was very funny I got to see a clip of Chad Zumak watching this Do you know Chad Zumak is? Yes. Wait, Chad was watching what? So he was watching. Oftentimes, if I'm talking about him, he's going to watch that show and review it.

If you remember how I started that problem, I talked about Chad's GoFundMe for a stand-up special. Okay, yes. And so it started off and Chad's watches it. And he keeps going, who the fuck is this guy? I have no idea who Vito Giswoldi is. I've never heard of this guy. You know, he doesn't know what the show was to understand anything. So he's watching it.

He's trying to figure out where I'm going with this. So I'm like, yeah, you know. and Chad raised out this money and now he doesn't have any motivation and nothing's getting done he doesn't have a special and you know Wells and he goes

what we got stuttering John like Chad thinks all I do is going around talking about stuttering John and what was the best payoff was I go you Vito when he raised $121,000 he goes he paused he goes

this guy raised $1201,000 dollars yeah Chad the whole world out there has got dollar signs in his eyes yeah he's just like maybe I should partner with this veto

just Walty guy he's going I'm not Griffith nearly as hard as this fat sec. Well, that was the funny thing. Chad goes, and they're losing their minds over my 12,000. No one's losing their minds, Chairman. We're just making fun of you.

Yeah, we're just laughing because you're not going to be able to put this special together. The same way I can't put a comic together. We're in the same boat. I should get them on here. We can talk to each other about the challenge. I'm not even going to ask you for an update. I'm not asking you for an update. You don't, you don't worry.

I won't give one. I will have one for it. If you want one, go to Indiegogo. We'll have one very soon. Second place with celebrities and won't retire. That was me. I got to watch the new episode of Howard Stern's show. Everybody, look, I won't lie.

The algorithm, people are just crazy about Howard Stern for some reason. Like any video I put up about Howard Stern, I think people are just fascinated that he's still going. I put up a video that has over 66,000 views, which is abnormal for me. It's very high. Dude, I saw you had like a ton of views on that video. Yeah, yeah. People seem to like it. And, you know, we did an hour on the HBO show.

It's fascinating that they turn this into a television show. It's like the Howard Stern show was great 20 years ago. It was great. And the e-show, he already had, he already turned the show into a successful TV show, and we knew what that looked like when he had the e-show. And now it's just old people talking about nothing. Geriatric sex. Yes.

Oh, my God. Yeah, the Ronnie segment's brutal. In a way, I'm like actually excited to watch the new episode this week to see, like, are they going to change anything? Or are they just going to do this until they inevitably get canceled? It's a fascinating little project they got going. In third place was unregulated sports betting. Okay, I'll take that.

We got a positive on that one. You voted it up. I appreciate that. This I don't understand. Then in dead last, slap fighting went negative. How are people, how is slap fighting not a problem? Is everyone in our audience just being like, well, I want poor people to beat the shit out of each other? I think these people are dumb.

I think these people are dumb before they slap the sense out of each other. If you sign up for this, you already have. have a low IQ. You're like, oh, no, those people are going to hurt their brains. Like, yeah, it's fine. Well, I have the comments from last week here, uh, from Dante's lament. It says, Carl, you should get a better co-host. There's a guy named Vinnie. I think he'd fit in well. He'd be able to fit in that chair. We've talked about getting Vinny to come in as a guest. I think we should do a, that'd be great. We should have more guests on here. If you guys have any suggestions, but Vinny would be a lot.

It means we have to research one problem each. That's why Vito say that. Let's get some guests. in her. Well, I think it like makes, it always felt weird to me that it was like everybody does two problems where if you had three guys, everybody does one problem. I don't know. I always thought it would be better with less homework. No, I'm, I'm, I'm with you. I'm 100% I'm bored. But if you, if you go through the history of the show, not like half the guests were some guy Vito met doing stand up 10 years ago who's still in L.A. So we brought on like Eric Escobar, Dr. Kevin's been on a bunch of times. It's just like random stand-up buddies.

I'm like, I don't know. We did get a, what's that video game guy? Adam Sessler one time, we had Carl Jobstown. So I don't know. We could get some gifts. It would be nice. Great White Bastard says at this rate, Carl's never going to beat the accusations.

Really, the Coliseum is what you think about with the Romans and the Coliseum. Gross gets some help. It was weird that we were talking about fighting in the gladiator pits in your first concern was who's pooping and where. Yeah, people told me there was plumbing back then. I did do any research on the topic, so I apologize for understanding how any of that worked. I just assume it's like modern India. There's people just shitting in the street, so I didn't realize.

There was like rudimentary plumbing, right? Wasn't it just built everything on top of a hill so it flowed down towards the shit pit? I don't know the food expert. That's the thing. That's why I was fascinated by this. I go to sporting events often and everyone's just pissing up a storm. I'm like, what do they do before they're a lot of piss. There's a lot of piss.

I'm surprised. I don't know if they drank as much beer back then. Into the games at all. And me, Gaser 24 says Carl being an official co. So Biggs Problem now makes Vito the only host to have never been involved in a major lawsuit. That's true. Yeah. I hope that's going well for you.

Also, you skipped over. Yeah, I got nothing says, Carl, you should have Dick Mattresson on the show. He'd be a great guest. He would be good at this. That would be good. We should try to get Dick Matt. You know, I feel like he would slot into the. format so easily.

What's great about Dick is that he texts me back immediately. And he appreciates. He appreciates where we go. Does he go, hey, why are you doing that stupid show with that fat idiot? It is funny. We don't talk about you. Yeah, well, I was talking to another friend of the show and he was like, yeah, you talk to

Dick lately? I'm like, are you paying attention? No, of course not. He's off living his life and I wish him the best as we all do. There's probably a restraining order if I had a guess. As far as I'm concerned, he's a retired. to his Palacio mansion, and he is happy and healthy. That's what I'm hoping for.

Hope it's all going well. Well, guys, let's move on to my favorite segment. A little think I call. Voted up. You've got to vote at biggest robloom. Dot show. Vote it up. Guys, it's voted up where we take past proms,

put them in a new light, talk about them, bring them back. And Carl, I'll get to that in two seconds. Carl, this is the problem from episode 104. Lack of congressional term limits. It's a pretty good one. And I think we keep getting evidence that it's real bad out there. Beloved Senator Mitch McConnell has made his return to the Senate

after months absent from public view. He was wheeled into the Senate Agricultural Committee meeting to vote on the Farm Bill, which, believe it or not, passed by a single vote. Isn't that great that he was there to make sure that bill passed? of the chances. One of the odds. When his name was called, it went unanswered until his chief of staff, Terry Carmick, told him to vote yes. And then he went, oh, and he did end up voting. Questions about this man's health continued to swirl. We're going to see, here's what Mitch McConnell looks like today. Let me see if I can make this bigger. Carl, this is a, this is the man,

this is a brave man who is getting our country where it needs to go. He's outside. He's outside. his house here being getting in the car as only as senator can today's last day to vote yeah at the weekend coming up sir do you have any plans you and elaine he's he's he's he's you have any plans that's further than anything suddenly john never asked a celebrity do you have any plans um hoping to not die this weekend i i'm hoping that my heart keeps pumping for one more weekend. Thank you for asking. Now look, I don't think he can talk anymore. No. He just has this permanently plastered smile on his face and someone has coached him. Then anytime anyone asks him a question or anything, he either gives a thumbs up or a peace sign. This is his new thing.

Look, I don't think he has the capacity for human speech. We missed you, Senator. Hey, hail, McCall. That's good weekend, sir. I mean, it does look cool. He's giving a cool piece sign. He's like, oh, he's doing a thumbs up, right, he's got three. It would be funnier. Instead of the wheelchair, if it was like, we get at Bernie's and two guys right either side of them, but he's just like stumbling in between them.

I'm like, that's funny. That's a good day. That's what it sounds like Congress has been coming. They're literally there and they have to like hold his head up and move his mouth. So he says yes to vote on the fucking bills. Now there's another guy who's turning like 95 and he says, oh yeah,

I'm going to run again. Like these guys just never retire. I mean, I get it. Hanging out in Congress with all your buddies is probably pretty fun, you know? Yeah, being in charge of stuff, having authority. Well, yeah. Here's just to counter this, and I'm all for term limits.

But as Americans, we get the government we deserve, right? Yeah. People still fucking vote for this retard. So what are you going to do? You know, the constituents are like, we want this brain-dead idiot getting wheeled in and being told what to do. They vote for them because, like, I don't think the Republicans give them any other option. They're like, well, I want to vote for some scumbag liberal. It's almost like there shouldn't be a two-party system, Vito.

What other fucking country is two parties? No, no, no, no, Carl, that's, come on, that's anti-American. All issues can be reduced down to two positions. It's black or white. It's black and white. Red and blue. Red or blue, yep. Doesn't matter.

Do you want to kill babies or do you want them to live forever in heaven with Jesus or whatever? Okay. There's only two fucking. Babies, babies are the unborn because I feel very strongly about one of those things. Well, guys. that is the problem again of congressional term limits currently number 249 with 306 up votes. Don't forget to vote it up. I've got another one not to get too political, but I think we've got to talk about it.

From episode six, this is a problem I brought in, presidential gas grippers. These are people who complain about gas prices being directly connected to the president. I made the case that there's a lot of things influencing gas prices. but now that my team is winning, I'm going to say, you're right. It is the president's fault, and we should punish him. The Trump administration is currently planning a plan to, is currently preparing a plan to ban exports of diesel for 90 days, hoping to bring down energy prices leading into the midterms.

The ongoing war in Iran, as well as Ukraine's attacks against Russian refineries, have boosted diesel prices to record highs, causing farm state Republicans to demand the ban. The average price for a gallon of diesel was $6.52 on Wednesday, up 91 cents from a month ago, and up $2.83 from last year. When asked for comment, the White House said, this is another fake news story from Politico. So it turns out the price of... I don't purchase diesel. I don't...

My car doesn't run diesel, so why should I care, Vito? It don't matter. How does that affect me? how is that possibly going to affect anything it's not like there's trucks bringing shit all across the country that rely on that shit to have the supply lines open dude this is a real fucking problem and you can blame voter right i voted for trump twice in my life one of the times he won yeah are you one of the guys who goes like man i really wish we didn't go to war for israel that would have been cool well okay you you put it a thing there you put it a thing there that I'm not going to agree with per se. But yeah, I, I always vote for no war candidates. I usually vote for libertarians. One of my main issues for the federal government is that we don't get involved in wars.

And Trump was just like, I don't do wars. I was like, I like that. Let's do that. And here we are. And listen, you can blame Trump and you should. He's being controlled by the deep state. Like every president before him has been. Every president after him will be.

So it is the deep state. It is the CIA. Whatever. We're in this war. It fucking sucks. We need to get the fuck out and get gasoline back to like $2.80. I miss those days. I don't even know how you get out.

That's why you don't go in. Like I thought everybody, here's the worst part is when he started bombing the shit out of Iran, there was a part of me that went, well, maybe this will work. Maybe you really can just go to a country full of religious zealot nut jobs, shock and awe them with the amazing power of American exploits. and they go, all right, we'll stop fucking around. I'm sorry. But of course it didn't fucking work. Oh, you're going to bomb our stuff? We're going to bomb all your stuff.

And it's just going to go on for fucking ever. Here's why that thought process. I understand why you think that. We're always told me the greatest military in the history of the world, and we could destroy all other countries all at once because we're so fucking powerful. The problem is, if you look at history, since World War II, we ain't done shit. We get beat by fucking everyone. Ewox could take us out at this point.

Even in World War II, like, when you look at, you know, we did good work, I guess, but like we were in a pretty cushy position not being in the continent where everything was going on. Like just getting to send guys over there and fuck around. The USSR was really more responsible for, you know, hit order and the Nazis fall. You don't talk about that. When you grow up, it was always so weird to be like later on, I went, wait, Russia won World War II? And they're like, yeah. I'm like, kind of, yeah.

But I don't hear about fucking Normandy and all this shit. They're like, well, I don't know. We were there. and a human shield and stuff like that so that was cool i'm just kidding grandpa you were great but no honestly the taking out the japanese they were fucking out of control they were they were they were yes so that was an important part of it for sure but since then i mean is korea better off how was north korea doing how is vietnam like all this just has become a debacle i mean i look back at vietnam and i go i mean i understand why they went in like there was this

understanding that's like we're the american military what are a bunch of little jennessee A bunch of little Vietnamese guys going to do to poke us with sticks. And the Vietnamese were like, we're going to build traps out of sticks and maim you and fucking cripple you. And we're like, oh, I didn't expect that. That sucks. Also, if you want to use Asian orange on us,

jokes how to you, that also works against you. It's like, oh, fuck. Probably shouldn't have poisoned the land. This sucks. And then you're all going to get PTSD, come back to the states and ruin a generation of Americans. Destro 7,000. Ewarks are a metaphor for the Viet Cong.

I know. that was why I brought them up. I don't think we could beat the EWOC at this point with our military. We're not doing too good. I mean, yeah, everywhere we've gotten into has just gone on forever and just been a huge waste of resources. And it costs us more money, which is great.

We had the best situation, which was, here Israel, here's some money, build your own missiles, deal with your own shit. We don't want to deal with it. You know, you're our Jewish buddies. We like you, but we're not getting involved. But now we're getting involved in our gas costs of fortune. And again, this is Trump's fault. So presidential gas grapers, shockingly, is the number two most downvoted problem.

I think COVID deniers is the most downvoted problem of all time. So currently number 353 with 240, no, downvotes. Vote it up, guys. Vote it up. Because it's in vote it up. You've got to vote at biggest. Problem. The most of the negative problems I probably have.

If you don't vote, there'll be no show. So voted up, voted up, voted up, mooted up. Well, I want to real quick, we did get one super chat in here, guys. Don't forget. And also, don't forget to send your voicemails to 68, 9. Biggest, our good friend, buttered bread slices. What's up, chubby buddies? I'll tell you what's up.

What's up? What's up is that? Carl is the winner from last week. So he's going to lead us in. Carl, what is the biggest problem in the universe? The biggest problem in the universe is illegal prostitution. Now, Vito, do you know that there's one million prostitutes working in America? And some of them aren't Aaron Imholt.

Most are working illegally. Let's talk about what these numbers include. Okay. So it's mostly like what they call indoor and online sex workers. So like escorts and average. advertising online, massage parlors. Street prostitution is a minority, around 10 to 30% of the prostitute.

Have you ever had, have you ever been with a prostitute, Kar? I am not. I have also not. And I keep wondering if I'm missing out on something. You are. You're missing out on sex. You should probably get with a prostitute.

I've had sex. And at no point during the sex did I go, I'd rather be paying money for someone who doesn't want to do it. I can find a girl who doesn't want to do it to begin with. That's fine. The paying money, I go, I don't want to deal with this. However you want to justify it.

All right, so they're mostly women, although there are men and trans workers in the prostitution world and licensed legal brothel workers, mostly in rural Nevada, only a few hundred people. So a tiny slice of the prostitutes are actually doing it legally. Now, prostitution was legal in this country. And, of course, around the turn of the century,

around 1910, most states had banned it. For, you guessed it, religious reasons. Yeah. They did that for a lot of stuff. They did. We'll get into that. But I'm sorry, Mary Magdalene? Wasn't she like one of Jesus' buddies?

That's one of those things where like, was she really a hoo-a? Or was she like, you know, just a lady who gave good foot rubs? You don't know. You don't know. Back then a foot-rub maybe was frowned upon. I don't know. I probably was, actually. So prostitution is dangerous.

And you know why it's dangerous? Dangerous. You might get a bad hand job and then you're out $100. It's because it's illegal. Oh, no, wait, that doesn't track. What do you mean? It does because what it means is the prostitutes don't have protection. They have to get protection from illegal pimps.

And then they can have Johns who beat the fuck out of them. They can't go to the cops and turn them in. It's the reason why guns are involved in drug deals. It's like, well, because this is all illegal. So it's just going to get crazier. No, no, no, no, no. This is this is bullshit, Carl, because now you're going to, what are you going to argue that we got to nationalize it? We got to privatize. What do we got to do? We got to organize it. Legalize it. Do you see what happened with marijuana in this country? What's happened? What's happened? What's happened with marijuana in this country? Yeah, it's fine. I guess. It's easier to get. It's better. I could, I could drink it. I could eat it. I could get gum. I can get every form of THC now. My drug dealer didn't have anything. that shit. If I ask it for like a seltzer water that was THC leases, you'd be like, I have an

eighth. Do you want to buy an eighth like you usually get? Oh, I can get my THC gummies. Oh, boy. Yeah. You don't have to. I'm just saying it's an option. It's become corporate. It's lost the fun of it. You know, it was fun before to smoke weed. Now that there's no,

now that there's no sneaky, like, ooh, we're going to smoke some weed. It's like, I who fucking cares? I can just get drunk. Yeah, I don't smoke weed, so I'm with you on that. But that's not the point. The point is, the fact that it's illegal makes it much more dangerous. Now, in Nevada, where it is legal, you go to these brothels and there are security officers. There's gates.

There's cameras. There's even a room where the customers go in at all. Listen, listen. There's a room where the customers go in. And they check their peckers, the pecker room. And they go, is this pecker? You don't have any like open swords. Are we allowed to put this pecker in one of our clients over here?

Can we do that? And they say, yeah, or nay? Well, you got to wear a condom, right? You do? Why are they going to check my peckers? As long as it's a condom. There's things oozing everywhere. Who knows?

Hideously diseased pus, Philippineas should be allowed to do what it wants. That's a drop. Employees are tested for SCDs and AIDS regularly in these places. So like the porn industry, you know, you want to keep everyone clean, make sure that everyone's doing the right thing. In fact, Vito, they even have signs in the restrooms. Say all employees must wash hands before leaving.

Oh, okay. So it's very, it's very sanitary. So we just, dude, this is, okay, when you take the sin and the vice out of it, what is the point of it? Oh, and this is what, to protect women, I guess? Well, hold on a second. You want it to be illegal because that makes it more fun? I want it to be illegal because by being illegal, private interests don't enter into it. I don't got to go to find a prostitute and be like, oh, to use new prostitute finder from Facebook.

You know, and then it's going to. Oh, my gosh. There's no problem. You would hate the free market. That's such a veto argument. But Carl, if we open this up to choice and anyone can get involved in it, well, then capitalism will be at play. And costs will come down and options will go up.

That sounds terrible. We should- Costs don't go down. They figure out how to milk more out of you. They're going to upsell it. Okay. You're describing socialism retard. I'm describing free market.

At rush hours. So there's a surcharge. on prostitutes right yeah that hand job is an extra 25 bucks due to demand well that makes sense search you on surge pricing on prostitution do you understand how surge pricing works it actually lowers costs so what i you eat cheeseburgers at three in the afternoon eight o'clock at night you don't give a fuck everyone else these cheeseburgers at noon and six okay search pricing would benefit you you'd be paying less at all those assholes who are buying at a lunch time and dinner time all i know is Elon Musk is going to design like a fucking AI process it well actually maybe i'd be a

okay with that. Actually, that's all we need. The solution is we just need sex robots. Sex robots will be good and they will take over the world, but we're not there yet. So let's talk about prostitution and the fact that it should be legalized. You know, it's funny to bring up surge pricing. Sometimes when you're getting like a

lift or an Uber or something like that, it costs way more at like 2 a.m. than it would at 2 p.m. You know, people are leaving the bars and there's like, obviously a lot more people want to a ride, which makes sense, you know, it's supply and demand. So I'm wondering, like, prostitutes, they'd probably go up and cost until like one in the morning, two in the morning.

Then they start going down gradually. You're like, can I go down when people don't want a prostitute? Right, right. So you're like, can I just edge until like 4 a.m. with a price is like an half of what it is? I'm sorry, I added that out. If you're going to add you until 4 a.m., you probably don't need a prostitute. Just jack off and get it out of your fucking system.

You never need a prostitute. This is all about wants and desires. This is what I never understood about prostitution. I go, look, having sex with a lady is fun when it's like a shared connection with a lady you met. And you want to, for me, it's more about like, I want to impress her. I want to be like, wow, I can't believe this fat piece of shit is putting me to work. Okay. First of all, I don't think you're ever going to impress a prostitute.

And second of all, if you really want to get off, this is why I never understood strip clubs. I'm like, I'm going to look at a lady and then I'm not supposed to jerk off. What is the point of this? This is fucking weird. You're making my point. So that's legal. where they just fucking tease you. Yeah.

You know, and you got to fucking walk out of there with your heart on in your silk pantsy wear with no other pants on. Right. Right. Yeah, I'm a pro. And so that's not fun. But if you get with a prostitute, you get it done. Things are, everything's solved.

Everything ends the way it's supposed to end. We all move on with our lives. You do get to move on. No, think about this. So people are already prostitutes, whether it's legal or illegal. This is already happening, right? Right. The illegal prostitutes,

actually make less money than the legal prostitutes because they need a pimp to protect them and the pimps are like YouTube the pimps are like we need 30 fucking percent of that shit and I'm like I'm just a creator I'm just a prostitute like fuck you I'm taking 30 percent like I have no choice okay take it whereas when you go to these brothels they actually make more of the money because they're the ones with all of the pussy so they can demand well also I would have mad how no we will blow how no we well blow. They're on strike and shit for more money. That's not true. I made that up. Who's the sports coach who just got caught trying to get a prostitute?

Did you hear this story? I don't think I did. The sports coach. Okay. San Francisco's goes. Oh, the owner. Yes, the owner of the 49ers. Yes. San Francisco 49ers owner, Jed York was arrested in August 2026 during an undercover prostitution sting operation in East Palestine, Ohio. Now, Jed York is a multimillionaire. He owns the San Francisco 49ers.

Right. And yet, Carl, me and you have never been to a prostitute. We don't have firsthand knowledge of this. But this guy was meeting people on weird social media apps. And then he went to like a shitty trailer park to meet this rundown $100 an hour prostitute. Which is funny because the people who live in that charter park are like, why are you bringing us into this. All of this was made up. It was all just a sting operation. There was no prostitute. None of that existed. It was just a fake ad on a website. Sure. He fell for.

Sure. It wasn't it like 160 with a condom, 180 without a condom. It's like this weird. As soon as I see that, it was the price. I don't know. Yeah. I don't see the condom rider. Yeah, yeah. There's 20 bucks more. You can rip that condom right off. Like, yeah, that's fine. I like saving money. I'm okay with that. But here's what I'm saying. If a billion who I'm assuming is familiar with prostitutes. He's probably tried at all. He's probably had the high-end fancy call girls and the escort. We're speculating and making shit up.

Let's talk about reality. Let's talk about facts. Let's talk about a billionaire said, let's go to the scuzzy trailer park because that's where I'm going to get the best sex from a woman who is beaten down and degraded. If you give the women confidence, the sex isn't as fun. You want a woman.

You can knock around a little bit, it seems like. Wow. You are making my argument. for me. So I want to know. Well, why else would he be doing it? Clearly, it must be more fun to get these, these gutter trash prostitutes. Well, I, okay, so unlike you, I think he actually, a sex drive. I think a lot of guys are not slobidly fucking losers full of estrogen like you. Who actually want to get their dick wet? When a man goes into a sexual situation, you want to know that you have power over the woman. That's what makes it erotic. If the woman is making $500 an hour, now she's in a

position on the sexual hierarchy above you. It's like you're asking her to bestow sex on you rather than just taking it from her as you desert. You've never fucked a lawyer before. Who cares that making 500 bucks an hour? Good on them. No, I've never fucked the lawyer. Robert Kraft, the owner of the Patriots, got a hand job at an Asian massage parlor down in Florida. Yeah. So listen, guys have to release. It doesn't matter how much money you have. It doesn't matter if you're in the shittiest state in the nation, Ohio, or a nicer state like Nevada. You still got to get your release on. And that's what this country was founded on, freedom.

Consenting adults, she able to fuck in exchange for dinner, a dozen roses, methamphetamine, whatever you want to do to exchange for sex because no sex is free. You can agree with that, right? Vito. Met are constantly paying for sex. Sure. Yeah. Just in, you know, more covert ways.

No, just like, sex is at least the. of a tank of gas because none of these bitches drive for some reason. So the Constitution. That was always my thing was I'm like, man, I want to fuck, but I got to go pick this bitch up at her house. Then we can't have sex at her house. We're going to drive to my house. And I got to drive her back. Just jack it off at that point. I hate to bring it up because I get made fun of for this. But my friend Stuttering John Melendez was offering to fly women out to Cape Coral, Florida. I heard of the fuck dump. So I mean, you don't think that's not prostitution? That's expensive. That's a lot of money right there.

So the Constitution, I don't know if you know about this because you're liberal, but the Constitution is the law of the land. Unfortunately, they did do some things to ensure the government wouldn't restrict freedom of speech or the right to bear arms. Like they made that very clear, you know, like, here are the things the government can't do. But they forgot about like sex for money because all these assholes had slaves. So they're like, well, we'll never have to pay for sex. That's true. Yeah. Just fuck the help.

They forgot that slavery would figure it into it. Yeah. They didn't think about, no one thought about it. Well, after Abraham Lincoln, what are people going to do? They're like, well, I don't know. It seems like a far way out. Why would you need prostitutes? A prostitute literally lives in my house and takes care of my kids.

I don't understand. Right. Thomas Jefferson is like, no, no, no, I think guns and speech, that's the important side. Well, okay. So an Abe Lincoln, by the way, he didn't give a fuck about prostitution. He was gay. He never had to pay for sex. Gay guys don't pay for sex.

It's amazing how that works. That's true. All right. So, as the great. George Connell in one said, why is it illegal to sell something that is perfectly legal to give away? It doesn't even make sense. If you pull out a camera and you're fucking a woman for money and you film it, now it's porn. Porn is legal. Yeah. So why is it okay to pay a woman as long as you're filming it? I understand like you might get three or four views on Porn Hub, you know, along with Hunter Biden's videos.

How has every prostitute and pimp not just rebranded is that? That's the other question. especially now, just go, yeah, we have a channel. It's called fuckaprostitute.com, and we're going to pay you because you're, well, I guess the problem is you'd have to pay, the guy can't pay to be in the video. You'd have to sign him on as a producer. You have to go, okay, you have to give us $120 for a producer credit on this pornography. We're about to film. Right.

And they can blur his face, like it's one of those backstage casting couch videos or something. Yeah. People would like it. I think a lot of guys would want to watch prostitutes get fucked. I don't need a niche for that. What do you need two ringlights and an iPhone? This is not difficult to pull off. I think they can do it.

I've been on a porno set, Carl. It's a three ring lights set up. Three ring lights. Interesting. How were we there before the police escorted you off of the set? It was fun. I just, I had to hold the light.

I actually held the light. That's how old this was. We didn't even have a stand. And I just watched two girls go at it. And I said, ah, this is pretty cool. the things you've had to do for money in the last week is pretty crazy Vita. I'm sorry you're down to your luck. I was mostly in charge of picking up the talent from the airport and in my shitty Honda Civic.

On the way there, I'd be like, so you're looking forward to fucking on camera or, you know, how's that going to be? Do this kind of thing often. My boss said, stop making small talk. Yeah, I was going to say, yeah, he's probably turned them off. I can imagine they're coming out of the airport and you're holding one of those signs. it says like Lexi laws or whatever and they're just like oh fuck I'm not going to that guy I'll just take an Uber he literally said stop doing schick with the fucking actresses they know they're porn actresses they don't want to joke about it just drive

them to the fucking set and shut up and I was okay sir thank you sir so you know it sounds like you want prostitution to remain illegal this is what it comes down to it comes down to social control the government loves to control the population this happened with prohibition now if you remember prohibition and how this all started. It was great for my people. Put the Italians way ahead on the map. But think about this. Yeah. Why did Prohibition come about?

There was a bunch of wives who were like jealous that their husbands were going to the bar after work. Coming home wasted. You know? Women weren't allowed in the bars back. That's like like, ah, that looks like fun. Like yeah, you didn't even know the half of it. It's fucking a while.

Yeah, yeah, it's fucking great. Like, why do you go to the bar? Unless you want to take your clothes off. Well, yeah, maybe they But they're like, why are you at the saloon? Like every fucking night afterwards, they're like, because it's way more fun than being home. So what these women did is they went to the government and they said, hey, let's make it illegal for our husbands and they have so much fun. Because we can't provide that kind of fun at home. And they'd rather be there.

So eventually they got people to sign on a lot of, again, these fucking religious people are like, yeah, these husbands are having too much fun. We should make that illegal. And then prohibition started. And what happened, Vito? People drank more than ever. the roaring 20s. I mean, but I don't think we've gotten. Prostitution hasn't reached a high.

I think if you legalized prostitution, I think rates would go up. It's a little different. I just think we need, look, we need sex robots. We're way behind the curve on sex robots. The second we figured out to make any sort of robot, you know, you're introducing a solution that doesn't exist to my problem. I mean, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of cool things. It'd be cool if we could all fly to a different planet.

But I go outside and there's a robot with like food in it rolling down the thing. And I go, well, why can't that thing roll up to my house and suck my dick? Like there's obviously the technology exists. Right. People would pay for it. And it would stop all these fucking school shootings and shit. If that kid went, man, I want to go kill everybody. I guess I'll just call one of those dick sucking robots and get it out of my system.

Like we could literally fix America with this. I'm not arguing with the fact that we need sex robots in this country. But you're- I don't know why we're having this conversation. You're focused on a stopgap fucking, well, we got to legalize prostitution. It doesn't matter. Prostitution is being legalized even after we have sex robots. We got to legalize.

Listen, Vito, you won't believe me right now, but listen to me for once, all right? There will be weirdos who still prefer humans to fuck over robots. I know it sounds crazy. Ooh, bro. I know. I know. You and I will be joking about it on the biggest problem 30 years from now. Like, you know these people who want to fuck humans, but it will exist.

and we need legalized prostitution because the problem is the government they're always trying to like do stuff the government feels like well I got put it into this office I should probably like do stuff stop stop doing stuff we're not looking for more laws

we're not looking for more things we can't do we're not looking for more problems get out of the fucking way the best thing the government can do get the fuck out of the way let me go buy a prostitute if I want let me go enjoy myself and let the prostitute

make some money in this afternoon when she knows she could be waning tables but it's slow with the diet You lose me. You lose me on the benefit to the prostitute. Again, I think we need to keep them in poverty somehow, keep them hungry. You know, that's when they're going to put in their best work. It's like when a music artist, you know, makes all this money.

And then their next album, they just limp it in because they don't have the passion anymore. So as long as we keep the women poor, you know, we could have government pimps or whatever to make sure. You're describing two different things. Because as far as an artist goes, they might lose the motivation, right? because they've already made all the money and they have the big album that's awesome you know weasers blue album right yeah and then they they phone it in for the second album but what you're forgetting is that in that time they're getting the best drugs they've ever had in their life like there was a while there they were like not getting drugs some days because they couldn't afford it and then they fucking sell

out and they're like this rules so maybe their music sucks and that suffers the fans aren't having that much fun but the artist is having a blast not the point Nowhere in the world is there a place where prostitution doesn't exist. Even in the Middle East, it's punishable by death and there's still prostitutes. So making illegal isn't stopping it. It's only making it more difficult for us Johns who just want to get a blowjob in our car. You know, they confiscate our car because it's an accessory to a crime. Like they find all these different ways to screw us over.

I love the little things the cops do. It's always so cute. Yeah, it sucks balls. They did that to what's his name? They did that to the San Francisco 49ers guys. They took his car because they're like, we use that car to commit a crime driving to get a blow job. We had a governor, Elliot Spitzer was a governor here in New York State. And he had an escort, a prostitute who, by the way, supposedly had the nicest-looking vagina.

Anyone's ever seen on him? I don't even know how you figure that out. I'm not sure. Is it a symmetry thing? Some horrifying ones. Right. I don't know what I don't know what I go like. This one looks slightly less like a horrible monster than the same.

The last one I saw. All right. Excellent. So I'm going to say illegal prostitution is the biggest problem in the universe voted up. All right. I think you made a good point. Guys, we've got a couple of super chats here. I want to give a shout out.

Don't forget, be part of the show. Voice mail number at 689, biggest as well. Renegade priest laughs at me for 99. Sports coach. You guys hear about the sports coach? Can I know any sports coach? Well, it turned out to be the owner of the nine-ders. It's funny.

It was somebody involved, okay? What do you want? I didn't have the exact fucking details, right? I had chambers for five says, Danger Vito, always knocking them around. They like it, man. You know, it's the worst is when you get a girl. You know what?

I won't talk about my sex leave, but they like it. Renegade priest for 10. During Prohibition, my grandpa got busted for moonshining. If he was alive today, he would agree with Carl's assessment of Prohibition. Yes. I mean, Prohibition did give us those disgusting. in Kennedy's, though. So I don't know.

I don't know. And it made Canadian whiskey a thing. Do you think we'd be, is that why? Yeah, do you think we were talking about Canadian whiskey if a word for prohibition? We make whiskey just fine here in the States. All right. We're going to fascinating. I was reading about the, uh, the illegalizing of pinball machines at the time.

Because I guess they would, everybody would gather around the pinball machine. They didn't have flippers back in the day. True. Yes. You just launched the ball. And people were actually. actually that was just gambling, was everyone to go, okay, $20, it's going to land on that one. How are you going to outlaw a thing that launches a ball?

But once they added flippers, now it's a game of skill. There's a, it's funny to say that producer Chris was traveling to New Jersey this past weekend. He was telling me, he's a big, him and I both used to go and play pinball all the time. He's a big pinball fan. And he went and found this super old pinball table that actually had these mechanical horses across the back. Yeah. And as you hit the different pads, you would hit which number horse. would move forward.

Oh, okay. Can gamble on that. On which horse is going to go? Yes, you got horses one through six, and the guy controlling it could try to hit which horse he wants to, like, move forward. That's a cool. That's a cool idea. See, this is a whole other problem is gambling needs more nonsense going on.

We live in the future. I want more nonsensical crazy gambling games. When I go to Vegas, I'm like, what am I going to do? Play blackjack? It's boring. I should play laser jack or a fucking, everybody gets a gun or something. Speaking of video games and novelties, though, Carl, are you a video game guy? You don't really play video games, do you?

I don't. I've played video games here and there throughout my existence on this earth. I'm going to say something really nerdy. You're going to look down on me? No. Are you familiar with the Mega Touch Machine? They're in bars. They used to be in bars.

I'm very familiar with the Mega Touch machine. They have the nudie games that people play? Yeah. Okay. So right back here behind me, I have a bar. I have a bar in my basement. There's a pool table. There's a dartboard.

And then on the bar are two Megatouch machines. Why? Why? Is one of my favorite passions in life is playing Megatouch? Is that kind of the video games? If that's true, then I got all the high scores, baby. The Megatouch fucking sucks.

Those are like fucking Windows 94 games or some shit. What do you mean? You have two Megatouches. They've upgraded since then. One of those are 2010. The other was in 2014. So, I mean, they're pretty modern as far as Megatouch goes. Mega Touch is what?

I played at the bar, well, all the old men were getting drunk. And I said, Dad, can I get another quarter? He's in a quarter, go play the fucking. Dude, yeah, 11 ball chug 21. Did you also have a bad childhood where you were forced to play the megatouch? Or did you discover it later in life? I discovered it when I was an alcoholic and I was legally being alcoholic. So fun.

You were the guy at the bar. Everybody's like being social. You're like, yo, they got megatush. Everyone was being social. Me and my friends were just playing megatouch the whole time. So like, that girl's looking at you. I'm like, yeah, tell her. to stop and play a megatouch over here.

I'm just kidding. Girls would ever look at you. Get that girl that stopped taking her clothes off. She's in my mega touch. That's fucking hilarious. Well, you are probably familiar with the character of Wolverine. Of course. Carl, the X-Men Wolverine character. That's the one the gay guy plays

in the movies. Yeah, yeah. He's the gay character who's always... He is actually kind of gay. We'll see. I've been playing... As soon as you win a Tony Award, you're no longer. Do we take your man card away? I would do it with a Tony. Yeah, but like you got to have like one kind of masculine looking guy up there singing, right?

He's doing fine. Sure. Huge jacked man. All right. I got the new Wolverine game and I heard it was bad. I wanted to see just how bad it was. And it's not like unplayable. It's like, okay, it's fun to hit guys with the claws and be Wolverine.

But the reason it sucks is that it does the thing that every modern video game does, which is waste my fucking time. Now, back in the day, when you played Mario, you just put in Mario. And the only thing you did to do is press start. And then you just were Mario. Oh, yeah, I missed those days. Running around. Zero options.

Like, hey, which current do you want to play? Mario or Mario? Yeah, I'll be Mario. Let's go. What outfit do you want him to wear? Whatever he's currently wearing. I'm fine. Let's go.

When they got to Mario 2 and they're like, you got to pick who you're going to be. I'm like, oh, I don't know. I feel like we're going down the wrong road. here in terms of game design. Okay? I am at the point where I don't want to play any recent video games because I know it's going to take like

an hour or two before anything fucking happens. First I get the Wolverine game. Carl, it took an hour to install the fucking game on the PlayStation. Physical media. Fiscal media. Vote it up. Well, physical media was good.

Okay, like the Nintendo Switch is good because the game just starts. That's good physical media. The giant, whatever. And you're supposed to be. able they're supposed to have a thing now a lot of games will have like you can play the first 10 minutes while it installs like part of the disc you can play off of during the installation process for some reason wolverine doesn't have that shit i got to waste wait a fucking hour so i'm playing the wolvering game i'm like oh awesome i'm

going to be wolverine i'm going to go fucking nuts i'm going to kill guys with my claws and that's kind of cool and i'm killing all these guys sure and then i go to go back to the mansion with all the mutant kids i saved and one of them is this little fucking green mutant kid who won't come out of his room because he's scared. He's like, I don't want to go to the mutant doctor. I don't like getting shots. And I'm like, you're Wolverine. Fucking claw the door open, grab the kid and take one to the doctor.

Instead, Carl, because they need to make this game. You paid $70 for this game and they need to advertise to you a 25-hour action adventure. They don't tell you that 30 minutes of the action adventures, you're looking around the fucking mansion for the little kid's drawings. Right. So you can code together his secret code. what's the code to come inside Wolverine? And you've got to find a picture of a cat

and a picture of a fucking tree and then you'll figure out his code and I'm like, my mind is literally exploding. I'm like, are you fucking serious? I thought this was a Wolverine game. I thought I was going to kill guys as Wolverine. I didn't think I was going to help a kid learn a lesson. Then, go ahead.

Real quick, I don't have a lot of experience with this. I have watched all of The Last of Us. Okay. A good series on HBO, yeah, the TV show based on the video game. And I'm watching the show. I'm like, wow, there's a lot of plot. There's a lot of popping circumstances for this whole thing. And so then I went and checked out the games.

I'm like, is the game really like this? It is. It's like identical. Like, wait, I'm just watching a character go through life. That's weird. Oh, my God, dude. That company, so Last of Us and Uncharted and all these games, they really set video games down this path of like, well, wouldn't it be cool

if you're like walking around the town learning about everyone's lives? And I go, maybe sometimes, like maybe, okay. Okay, I can understand why last of us appeals to people, but also at a certain point, I'm like, not every game needs that. The Wolverine game clearly doesn't fucking need that. I don't even walk around and learn a lesson about Wolverine. When I was playing video games more regularly, when I was younger, there'd be like a Star Wars game that came out. And the Star Wars game would be just the space battle. Like, that's the only that you can play.

You can't like learn the force with Yoda. You know, you can't like... Versus a Thai fighter. It says it on the package. What's going to happen? I don't need to play a movie. I just want to play the battle seat at the end, because that's the cool part.

That's like the video game part. But now it's like I got to go through the whole fucking movie and watch character development and subplots. Why? Dude, it's so bad. And here's the problem that is like so obvious is. So movies are a great way of telling a story because it's not like you're with the character,

their entire fucking life. You can cut from place to place. You go, okay, we're in the building. All right, guys, we got to do this mission here. Here's the plan for the mission. And then cut to the fucking mission and they're going through the ducts or whatever else. In a video game, you just have to go through all of it because there's no cuts. So like I'm playing Red Dead Redemption and I'm on a horse and I got to talk.

I'm like, can we just go shoot the bad guys? Like, well, first we got to ride on the horse and talk for 20 minutes about how hard it is to be a cowboy. And it's the worst fucking dialogue because it goes on forever. In a cowboy movie, you'd have three lines about being a cowboy. It wouldn't be a 20 minute dialogue about being a cowboy. in this game in fucking Wolverine there's a part where we're talking about how Mr. Sinister is

going a little nuts and he's like torturing humans and shit like he's our boss but we got to respect him. So first I talked to Sabretooth and Sabretooth goes yeah Trask's a little out of it. We got to keep an eye on him and I go yeah yeah okay and then I go talk to Mystique she goes I don't know what's going on with Trask we got to figure out what's going on

with Trask I go talk to another guy he goes that Trask kind of he's a bad guy I go in a movie this would have been one scene Yep. Instead, every character has to have some fucking dialogue and they're all saying the exact same thing four times. And then I got a fat guy in a room. This is the worst thing. I couldn't believe this. I go into a room. There's my fat boss, my other boss. And he goes, remember that time I played you that record that, you know, calmed you down or something? And I'm like, what is this? Did you rape me when we listen to records? Calmed me down. He goes, can you go find that record so we can listen to it? So I'm now walking around the house and I come back and I put a round. record on the machine. He goes, no, that's not the one. Oh, fuck off. I don't want to listen to records. Jesus Christ. Give me my next mission. So I like, dude, someone just needs to go to these guys who are making these games and go, listen, just let people play the video game. Unless the game is specifically. How is that not one of the modes? That should be an option. We're like, yeah, I just want to do the adventure the mission parts. I don't want all the other bullshit. I don't need the story. I have to keep going into the menu and

skipping cut scenes because I'm like, I got it. We're fighting a Sentinel. Well, the thing about Sentinels is they're very big. I know. I don't need motivation. I want to win the game. That's my motivation. Let's go. And the worst part is, then you get back into playing the game, Carl, and you would think the game would give you just cool stuff

to do, but now these games think there has to be all this fucking variety. So they made, have you ever played any of the Spider-Man games? You're seeing the Spider-Man games. Sure. Yep. You swing around New York. It feels great. You're swinging as Spider-Man. You're launching. off buildings, whatever.

And then the second one, you get to play as the black Spider-Man, who's also called Spider-Man, which is very confusing, and he should probably have his own fucking name by now. Alien suit. I read that comic. Yeah, that was the whole thing. That's not the Black Spider-Man? He's black Hispanic.

Oh, I thought he's right the Alien suit that became Venom. There's a Spider-Man, it's just a black guy? There's a Black-Gy Spider-Man. What? Does he wear a red costume? No, he wears a black costume. What the fuck? There's a second Black Spider-Man.

He happens to be a black Spider-Man. That guy? Hold on. There's white Spider-Man who's Peter Parker and the black Hispanic Spider-Man, who's Miles Morales. But they're both in the same game and they're both called Spider-Man. So 90% of the storyline cutscenes is like, hey, Spider-Man, can't handle that? I can, Spider-Man.

Good luck, Spider-Man. I go, why don't you call him Black Spider-Man? I know somewhere a writer says that you want to call him Black Spider-Man. Just call him Black Spider-Man. I'm so angry about this. Do they both get bit by the same spider? And how do they know each person? They wanted to do each other at a convention?

Wait, actually, did he get bit by the same spider? I don't know why there was a second radioactive spider. Oh, this sucks. He definitely got bit by something. Okay? I hate this. Some people are saying his name is the ultimate Spider-Man, but they don't call him that. If they called him ultimate, first of all, that's a terrible name, but they don't even call him that.

Now look, they call him Jumping High Spider-Man. So you go into Spider-Man, yeah, they call him Street Spider. He's looking at all the streets, he's having fun. You go into the game, and you're like, okay, I want to play his white Spider-Spoters. Spider-Man. You play a boy and Spider-Man a little bit. Then they go, now you got to play his Black Spider-Man. Well, it's fine. As long as I'm swinging around the city going on missions, I'll play his Black Spider-Man. Here's one of the missions from Spider-Man, too, is you go to a, I don't know if it's a high school or like a junior. It's got to be a high school. You know a high school, and there's a gay Indian kid.

And he goes, Spider-Man, you have to help me. And he goes, oh, what's happening? Is there something on fire? Is somebody in trouble? He goes, I have to propose to my boyfriend Jamal. And you go, I'm sorry, what's this mission? This mission is I have to help a gay Indian kid do a prom-posal. This is, I'm not making this up. Dude, this is real shit. Spiders don't have same-sex marriage. The whole point of Spider-Man is he has spider powers.

Right. Well, he's helping, you know, a non-spider person. He's helping an Indian person. I'm just saying, like, a spider wouldn't be better at that than a non-spider. Sparer's just like, well, I actually make webs and stuff and I eat insects. I don't have anything to do with same-sex marriage. So as Spider-Man, his big light display for his gay boyfriend isn't lighting up, and I have to use my webs to connect the electrical poles or whatever. And I'm like, Lizard's probably across town killing hundreds of people.

And I'm here making sure a gay Indian kid can prom pose to his boyfriend. Then if it wasn't bad enough, Carl, okay, at least after I do that, now I'm back to swinging around the town is Spider-Man. Hey, everybody likes being Spider-Man swinging, flipping, whatever else. can you imagine somebody goes hey you know it would be more fun than being spider man and webbing up bad guys and you know beating up uh doctor octopus what if you could be spider man's girlfriend no so there are multiple missions in the fucking game where you're oh i'm mary jane and i'm sneaking around and she's there's like 20 fucking beefed up mercenary guys oh she's she cheats on spider man with them no yeah she's she like she like gets on her bag and she's like yeah let's go that that would have been good yeah yeah that sounds fun she has a fucking little taser in her purse and she's going around murking fucking guys in the neck with a taser it's dude there's there's another level in that game i don't have you got this fire but you're spider man on vacation and then there's a timeshare meeting and you have to resist

the sales pitch and they're making it very entice you're like wait it's only that much and i can come here twice a year you got to really dodge the offers it's tough man right fucking time because you want to get in the pool. They're like, no, you can get back in the pool, but you just got to hear us out on this. This is a really good deal. That's where we do. That will probably be in the next Grand Theft. I'm they have the new Grand Theft Auto coming up. And based on what I'm seeing, I go, I think this game's going to be full of some weird fucking bullshit. I think they're going to have a bunch of, like, already Grand Theft Auto has moved away. If you play the old ones, man, there's a bunch of, like, you know, off-color jokes. Pissing on prostitutes. There's like trans prostitutes walking around,

cat colony and shit. They don't do that anymore. I think this next Grand Theft Auto is going to be, you know, getting a job at a subway or some. It's going to be boring. And then you're going to have to lovingly prepare the sandwich in order to get enough credits to buy, you know, a bike. Ooh, now you start on the game with a bike. Is it a Grand Theft Auto? Can I steal a car? You can't steal a car yet. You go all you get a bicycle from making fucking sandwiches. Like, they're fucking up video games so hard. They're overthinking it. Can I play devil's advocate real quick? Go ahead. If we can teach the younger generation how to make a sandwich, I'd be for that. that actually would be pretty good training.

If we just stuck these things in video games, and all of a sudden these kids do want to flip a fucking cheeseburger and not burn the fuck out of it. Like, all right, well, I like Grand Dopp, Donald. This is good. We've tried to use video games to teach the kids a lesson. Famously, we had on the developer

of Fortnite's Holocaust Museum. And I don't think that really did a lot of work. I do like that guy, that Jewish vampire. I talk to him every now and again. Look, video games, wasting my fucking time is the biggest problem in the universe. I just want to play video games.

It has become annoying. And it's become a hassle to play a video game. It feels like a fucking chore. Just let me kill guys and run around and do stuff. That's the bottom line. Renegade Priest for 99. Oh, we did that one. Thank you, Renegade Priest.

Our good friend Riley is here. Finally, a prostitution problem relevant to the United States. Yes, it is. I don't know if you saw the episode with, Tommy C where I tried to one thing with this show is I try to tell people I'm like yeah you know

just get some like good stats to get a problem that's like relatable and he goes the price of prostitutes in Germany and I go well that's a little I mean it might be a problem I'll ask my relatives over there he lives in Germany and I was like well that seems like a you problem

maybe maybe something more that's fun it was fun we had fun Ed Chambers for five new GTA 6 is a $400 version that comes with a Coke spoon in a mirror. I saw that. It looks cheap. It looks shittier than the Super Killer Special Edition.

I'm not even going to lie. There's worst Chotchkes in there. I'm sorry, a Coke spoon, did you say? A Coke spoon, yeah. What do you do with a Coke spoon? What is that? Coke spoon's a thing. It's a little tiny spoon.

Like a little tiny sniffer, you know? Okay, got it. I don't think they're, I don't know if they're still in vogue, but you don't, but if you have the mirror, you don't need the Coke spoon. No. One or the other. Yeah, why would you give them both? That's weird.

I understand taking Coke on the go. I'm all for that. If you have the mirror, you're at home, you're good. I will say my new biggest problem is, man, I haven't gotten Coke in a while, and I'm going, I should probably be doing Coke. It's probably happier. Chad's missing up or living for five. You won't get stuck.

If you quit eating poop on stream, Carl, good advice. I never eat poop on stream. I mean, I never eat poop. He saves it. Why? He saves it. All right. Carl, you're up.

What do we got? Can I share my screen with you over here? Yes, you can add to stage this YouTube thing. Yeah, it's not giving me the option. Let me see if this works. Do you have the option? Before presenting a screen, remove other media. Oh, here we go, here we go, there we go.

Oh, you got. Thank you very much. My biggest problem is the way YouTube handles harassment strikes. I got this email yesterday morning, Vita. Yeah. Yep. This email came in from YouTube. It says, hi, who are these podcasts?

It looks like fact-checked, wondering John versus Tom Giosano, what really happened, Shulie's final PDP episode, didn't follow community guidelines to help keep our community safe. We removed it from YouTube. It goes on, what we found.

We think your content didn't follow our harassment policy. How did the target someone with prolonged insults or slurs based on their intrinsic attributes isn't allowed on YouTube? This includes dehumanizing someone based on their intrinsic...

Wait, did I say that again? No, it's the same sentence twice. Like, you're not even wrong. For some reason, it has the exact same sentence. I got fucked up there, but they're not this stupid, are they? Dehumanizing someone based on their intrinsic attributes. These attributes include physical traits and protected group status. That's why you're not allowed to call me fat on this show, Carl.

I don't know if you're aware of that. That would be harassment and bullying. I hope that's not true. You can see examples around 616, although there could be other instances. How this impacts you. Your channel now has one strike. You'll be able to do things like upload, post, or live stream for one week.

The strike expires under 90 days. Remember not to use other channels. Blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. What to do next? Review your content. Wait, can you not live stream for 90 days? Is that still the policy? Seven days.

Seven days. Okay. But then you have, but if you fuck up again, you get a second strike, it could go longer. It's 14 days after strike two. Strike three, you lose your channel. and it's done so. Well, I listened to that clip, and let's be clear, I believe you were making fun of Stuttering John's golf abilities, right?

Okay, so I have it up on a Rumble page. You can get rid of this now. That's how I wanted to show. I have it up on a Rumble page. I posted the video that got struck for their, you know, violating their harassment policy. And you can see very clearly people have watched it. They're all commenting like, this is harassment.

Like, it's crazy. What happened was we're listening to Suttering John's, book where he describes playing golf against Tom Giassano. And John's explained that he was heckling Tom when he was golfing. So he'd be lining up for a putt or something and John be yelling out shit. And Shooley goes, yeah, you know, he's calling him a fag or whatever Shulie said. He's an F slur, right? So that's what they flagged according to the timestamp they sent me, right?

So I went and I appeal. He's not gay. How's that? Can you just not say that in reference to anyone, I guess? They really, you can't call. It was a hypothetical of what John might say to Tom Chiasano in 1998. It's what he had been saying back then. Yes.

Right. These are two public figures. Tom Giacano and John Melendez. You can say a lot of crazy shit about public figures. It's very legal in this country. And for some reason, they think that this is violating the harassment policies. Someone struck the channel. Anyway, so you see this timestamp and you go in and you review what they're

concerned about and then you're all to appeal it so I went and I made an appeal and I explained just that like well this wasn't calling anyone anything specifically we weren't harassing them it's a hypothetical based on the context of what we were talking about in the book whatever and then it just goes to all right we'll review your appeal and you just have to sit there and wait it says within 72 hours we'll get back to you and then a few hours goes by and I'm hoping I can live stream WTP right yesterday at 530 at Eastern like I always do and around four 4-15, I get the notice.

Yeah, we reviewed your appeal. No, it definitely violated the harassment policy. You have a strike on your channel. How dare you, sir? You've committed a sin. This process sucks. Let me explain this. Yeah.

So you don't think having a random Indian engineer briefly listened to two seconds of audio and go, yeah, I don't know, that's hate speech. You don't think that's a good process? With no explanation, there's no back and forth. There's no conversation. It just says, here's the policy. We think you violated it.

I don't think I did. Well, whatever. we think he did so there's no conversation but the worst part is not the worst part one of the terrible parts about it there's no documentation of this so once i get that i can click that timestamp and i can see the video and see what they're talking about then you put in my appeal and then once they deny the appeal poof it's all gone the video's gone i can't go back and review that timestamp my response is gone everything's out of the system you know i'm essentially employed by YouTube.

They're basically my employment. Yeah. It's where I make my money from. It's a terrible situation. Imagine. Can I say real quick, it's always so funny that like the next generation of kids, they say the top job they want is to be a YouTuber. And I go, I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

If you can make money in any other creative way, that's what you want. YouTube is where you go when all other venues have failed. I wholeheartedly disagree. I love my job. I love being a streamer. I love being a podcaster. It's awesome. But if you could do it without YouTube being involved, you'd be much happier.

Yes, except for YouTube. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Being a podcaster is great. You can have your own fucking website and host it yourself. It's having to rely on YouTube for it that he's fucking horrifying. Correct. And it doesn't have to be that way.

It doesn't make any sense. So imagine if you had an employer and you're making a lot of money, you have a great audience. The employer's happy with you. You're doing a good job. You're making money for them. you're making money and then all of a sudden they're like ah you're not going along with our policy we're we're going to fire you and you go oh well can you show me what i did wrong no no we don't we don't have a paper trail at all like oh well i think i feel like this is wrongful termination that you don't have a

paper trail to explain why i was fired and i can show you that i made this much money for the company and all this stuff was going well that seems crazy to me and yet this is how youtube operates in twenty 26 they just go i trust us You did the wrong thing. You're out of here. Well, you know what their argument is about why they won't be transparent as they go. Well, then if you guys know our rules, you'll find ways around them. Good. If you know, if you know what words we don't want to hear or what topics we don't want you to talk about,

you won't talk about them or you'll find great ways to talk about them. And I'm like, yeah, exactly. Okay, that's why we've gotten into a point. Like, I'm making a video, you know, Carrot Top tried to kill. himself. I'm aware. And I go, okay, I'm making a video. It's a newsworthy public figure. And I can't say the word suicide.

Or maybe I can, but I've been told, no, you can't say that on YouTube because then you won't get ads on your video or whatever else. So I have to be like, yeah, Karen Top had a real whoopsie dopsy on the way of the Or as Dick would say, try to make a trip to Greenland, right. Yeah. Unalived himself, dude. You tried to unalive himself, bro. It's like, and then the worst part is you get guys who go.

I don't know why you won't just say it. And you go, because it's a fucking business. I got to make a dollar making these fucking videos. I don't know why I can't just say he killed himself. Because I'm held ideologically hostage by an insane tech corporation. One more point. This is why I'm actually so happy. I was thinking about it the other day.

Elon Musk buying Twitter might have actually saved the world. Yeah. I actually, the more I think about it, I go, huh, if Twitter was still controlled by a cabal of psychopaths, progressive leftists, like we might still be trapped in this weird ideological hellhole where like you just can't say things that are true or use words that accurately describe a situation because you might get banned or de-platformed or whatever. I mean, I lost my Twitter for fucking two years

because I said, they were making that Snow White movie and people said, I wonder if they get real actors to play the dwarfs. And I said, they're not going to find a retarded guy to play dopey. And they said, oh, you said a dwarf is retarded? you're fucking banned. And I go, he's literally retarded. Don't be as the retired dwarf. If I asked you, which of the seven dwarves is retarded,

you would immediately know what I'm talking about. Should I have said slow? We all know what I'm saying. Just let me use words. Right. Describe what's going on. Who cares? Okay.

So I feel like you've taken over my problem. If you don't mind, I'm going to have the floor again for just a moment. Go. Go. The problem with this system is one day I wake up, one day, yesterday and I find out I don't have access to my YouTube page anymore I can't post anything I can't do anything with that I can't make money off of that and YouTube encourages me to grow my community get new subscribers and people paying

for it communicate with them often there's posts you could put out I'm putting out videos every day I'm going live I'm doing all these things to interact they want you to do that and then as soon as they arbitrarily decide they don't like a thing that happened on your page they go for seven days we are going to alienate all of this audience that you've created. And by the way, that audience is not just paying me. They're paying YouTube. So I have hundreds of subscribers who pay for bonus episodes

and things that you can't see other than they can behind a paywall. And not only do they not see anything, I can't even tell them, hey guys, just FYI, I'm sorry, you're not going to hear from me for seven days because I've been suspended. I'm in a timeout right now. I can't even put a bulletin.

Like here's where the kind of, content is how is that possible that's that's a crazy policy the fact that there's people are just like why am I giving this guy five bucks a month he's he doesn't even fucking communicate he just leaves YouTube doesn't tell us anything like I don't want to do that I want to be able to tell you that YouTube is stopping me from communicating with you after it giving you these notifications hey you can subscribe to this channel why you click this button why you should be our friend you know what the fucking kind of policy is that it's

it's not their own self-interest to do this and frankly I think it should go against an SEC regulation. You're literally, your business model is encourage people to buy from you as much as possible on this platform. And then as soon as you slip up, we make it so you can't please that audience at all. There's nothing you can do to communicate with them and let them know why you're being a terrible proprietor of your content. There's so many guys who, you know, have gotten their channels yanked for like complete nonsense. sense. God, who was the guy who did all the great Elliot Roger documentaries? Somebody in the chat's going to know his name.

But he did. Remember Elliot Roger? The perfect gentleman. He was obsessed with getting girls and when he couldn't. He went on the most retarded in-cell rage spree. I think he killed like two people. And it was complete nonsense. The documentary was just basically going, yeah, look at this school shooter. What a fucking idiot. And the guy who made those videos, he lost his channel and he had nowhere else to go. Another great one, let's be clear, my good friend Mr. Girl has been de-platformed off YouTube.

Love him or hate him. He never made anything illegal. He ruffled some feathers. He made some jokes that rubbed people the wrong way. And he got yanked for, you know what he actually got yanked for was he had a still in one of his videos. It's some movie where somebody puts a chicken wing out the fly of their pants. pretending it's like they're whatever. And somebody reported to YouTube and they said,

this guy's uploading pornography. And then YouTube just wouldn't even look at it. They're like, yeah, yeah, that's clearly. And he's like, no, it's a famous scene from a fucking movie. Like, come on. Monkey Jones is the guy who had the Ler Roger documentaries. So, dude, like, I've always been Dick Masterson, lost his YouTube for making fun of fat women,

making fun of like Lizzo. Yeah. Being on this platform is legitimately terrifying. It is. It is. And then people, go Vito, they go, Vito, how come you don't make

these big, stupid videos like you used to? And I went, look, at a certain point I weighed what YouTube is, and I went, I can invest everything. The guys you make it on YouTube making like video essays, whatever else, they invest all their shit into YouTube. That's like their one main gig. They just make YouTube videos.

You know, my top, my top video, I did that one of the Last Jedi video. It has like 10 million views. Demonitized. I don't make a dollar from that anymore. Unbelievable. I've lost out on probably $20, $30,000 in ad revenue from that. Another video I had that had like millions of views, they just demonetized it. And the next day it started getting, it went from getting 20,000 views a day.

It was literally like at the height, the peak of its like excitement to five views a day. Right. And I probably lost another $20,000. And YouTube will tell you they're like, all right, you can't make money off this anymore, but it's not going to change anything else. Like, no, no, you don't longer have an interest in showing this to viewers. Because you're not sharing in the revenue. So as soon as you demonetize a video, it's out of the other.

They're like, well, we don't want to show this to people. Dude, that's exactly what it is. I'm like, they say that demonetizing, it doesn't affect the reach. And I go, dude, it does. The day after you demonetized it, it went from 20,000 views to five. Obviously, you fucking deranked it, you cock suckers. It definitely does. I know normal people probably don't want to hear about YouTuber problems too much, but it affects everyone.

It really does affect. Everyone is watching us right now. Yes, it affects it. But go ahead and me, I'm sorry. I mean, I'll be real. I've had to adjust what I make. I'm like, dude, I want to do crazy comedy. But, like, I can't make just.

jokes about. The reason the Star Wars thing I think got to monetize was because at one point I said, yeah, the rebels are kind of acting like this guy. And I put up a picture of Hitler for five seconds. I think they said, this is a glorifying Nazis. We don't want that on there. Or the other video, I was like, ah, this kind of looks like this fucking tragedy. I played like two seconds of a clip from 9-11. They go, ah, you're monetizing a tragedy. I go, I don't know. It's just you can't, you want comedy to be free and open and especially comedy. You know, I'm really hoping, Elon Musk. hate to be one of these guys that hopes Elon Musk is going to save the world. But my God, if they figure out how to make video work on Twitter and we can actually joke around and fucking make videos without constantly getting demonetized, I think we'd be having a lot more fun.

We'd be making a lot more stuff. Here's another reason why it sucks, Vito. Yeah. Stuttering John got to win. It drives people to Rumble. So yesterday, I don't use my Rumble channel. I don't really advertise my Rumble channel. There's not a link to it on my website.

I have a Rumble channel. I created it not too long ago. The first time I got a strike and got a seven day ban on YouTube. So I'm like, all right, come watch me on Rumble. I thought, oh,

this will solve my problems. I'm putting my Rumble link up on our Patreon and come check it out and stream it out. Everyone loves it. People fucking hate Rumble. They fucking hate it. It's a really bad platform. It feels like,

isn't it slow, too? Here's the problem with Rumble. Yeah. Rumble is like, okay, if you're not familiar with it, you know, like you're traveling and you're in a small town,

like in the Midwest or maybe in the south or something. and you're like, I just need to stop at a bar, grab a bite to eat, put a buzz on, call it a day, you know? Yeah. And you go into this bar and you're like, oh, this is not, this is not like me. Look at these rednecks. This place is scary.

These people have wild views on society. I don't belong here. That's what Rumble is. Everything you're getting fed and your like recommendations and shit. Everything's going out with the advertisers that are coming here. Just like, whoa, who are these people? This exists in this country? It's scary.

Yeah. That's the bar where every two seconds comes over to you and you go, you got to buy gold. If you're not buying gold, you're doing something wrong. Right. I got these Trump golden coins. Yeah. Very good. You're going to love them.

My favorite part about the gold sellers. Yeah. They're always just like, if you're not buying gold, you're crazy. Come to us and buy going. I'm like, well, why are you selling it? Why do you want to sell it so badly? If this thing's going to shoot up in value in the next couple of years, don't you want to hold on to it? Yeah, why?

I don't understand. I don't get it. Come buy it from us. and three times the spot price. It can only go up. This is like you're winning. All right. So here's the thing. Rumble is

very difficult to deal with. Some people think they can't use Rumble. I remember having a conversation with my brother. He's like, why don't I have Rumble? I'm like, well, it's a website on the internet. So you do. Everyone has fucking Rumble. I don't think I'm okay for that. Yeah, if you have a subscribe. You can watch Rumble. It's not like the

dark web. I got it out to do that. I don't know. You can. But the other thing, do like rumble they want to send you like really shitty ads all the time and a lot of times if you don't pay for rumble which nobody does i do but yeah right it's tax right off for yeah yeah for business right but if you don't pay for rumble then you're just watching ads just being pushed on you all the time and so as a creator i went in and i did a live stream last night on rumbull and you have two options this is crazy vita i don't know if you're familiar with this i don't think so you have you two options

have a rumble video that is searchable that shows up on your page that if people are looking for it they'll find it and maybe even the algorithm will push it out to people who might even be looking for it or you know a rumble video that doesn't have any advertising in it and it's invisible and no one can find it they literally tell you that oh really it doesn't appear in like search or anything doesn't mean appear in search so I choose the I'll do the invisible one with no ads because people get pissed off and I'm going to send them the link I'm going to tweet out the link you know what people know where it is but then it gets no views.

You know, it's like, hopefully someone's looking at my Twitter that day or else. Rumble's like, Rumble's like fucked. I remember Dick would talk about Rumble where it's like, there's no possible way for that. Because, you know, YouTube like technically maybe breaks even at this point with the ads. Like,

I don't know exactly how it works as part of their overall thing. But like the cost to stream video and everything else, it's like an extreme fucking cost that you need a shit ton of advertisers to offset it. Right. So Rumble is like, or subscribers. Yeah. But the fact that Rumble is not getting, like you're not seeing Maytag washer dryers and fucking Samsung refrigerators as your Rumble ads.

It means the guys paying for Rumble ads are not paying a lot. Like that platform has no money. And that's why they have to force 8,000 ads on you to milk as much money on the advertisers as they can or just like make the video streaming dog shit. I did see this news article today. I don't know if you saw this where you have to stop sharing yours. and I have to share mine. Rumble will be the home for WWE main event. I talked about this with Bly and Mike on Devlovers live today.

This is a big deal for Rumble. Is this going to save Rumble? Because now it'll have wrestling and gold, two of my favorite things. All right. So this is beginning October 14. There's going to be a Wednesday night, WWE show at 8 p.m.

called the main event. And it only streams on Rumble. If you want to watch WVE main event, You can't watch it anywhere else. It's not on TV or anything? Nope. The only place to watch it is Rumble. Oh, baby.

All right. Now, my buddy, my buddy, Vinnie Paulino, who sent me this today. Yeah. Now, he says,

this is going to flop. No one cares about WWE. I don't know if that's true. I think it's very popular right now. He's an AEW guy. I don't know what he's watching these days. Right. I think he's biased.

WWE is big right now, right? They got some big names. Nobody watches main event, you normies. Okay. Well, it's the main event. Wouldn't that be the best?

one. So, okay, so maybe people aren't watching it. But Rumble's going to want people watching it. And I am interested to see if Rumble starts going the direction of YouTube, where they start getting a little bit more concerned, a little bit more concerned about rules and regulations in terms of service. And, oh, what did that guy say? Oh, that's a little extreme.

Let's knock that channel off, right? Well, that's, that's, I think that's always been in the cards. It's always been in the cards because they go. you know, we want to be a free speech platform. And again, the fucking, the blender guys, the Ninja Blender goes, hey, you got a lot of videos about the Jews. And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They go, well, we don't really want our shit on the platform.

That's just about how the Jew, I mean, what is even on the front page of Rumble? It's like 90% fucking Jewish conspiracies or whatever else. Yeah, it's very right wing. I want you to be able to talk about it. But my God, it's here. Here's the front page of Rumble right now. You got Tim Poole. Talking to Alex Jones, it looks like.

You got RFK Jr. talking about chemtrails. That's important. You got to shut those down. Sure. Whoever the fuck Sweeney is. Sydney, sweetie. Oh, that's true.

Migrant public change restrictions. Oh, the USA 250 did September give back stream. Okay, hold on. I didn't know we were giving away bitcoins here. Yeah, 287 people watching on the main page is a 287 person stream. Put it right over his belt. Wow. Look,

they're opening GameStop power packs. You too could be winning Bitcoin. Jesus Christ. And you believe it. Is this just a GameStop crypto? This is fascinating. So who would not want to be on Rumble, Carl? Who does not want to?

Fuck YouTube. We're all moving to the home for free speech. I'll go on Rumble if I have to. Fuck. I mean, if I have to go to kick, I'll go to kick. But it's concerning to me the way that YouTube is set up that someone can just flag the channel, say,

harassment, they hear a word or whatever and they go, okay, yep, that must be harassment. I mean, the things that starting John has called me over the years. It's wild. People have called me a PDF file. Can you believe that? We know, I would ever say that to you. I mean, probably not. I've never heard that.

Thankfully, myself, but if I did, I would be very. Imagine that. That seems way worse. There should be a tit for tat report form. If you get reported for harassing someone, you should be able to upload videos of them. saying you eat poop and that you're a piece of shit. And then YouTube can go, well, this is some tit for tat. I mean, the eye for an eye.

There should be an eye for an eye policy. I like the tip for tat policy. You should be able to upload evidence. The current policy sucks. There's nothing I can do now. Bullying should be allowed if they're really a piece of shit. You should be able to upload evidence and you go, well, this guy's a real piece of shit. They go, okay, you can bully him.

That's fine. Are you bullying this man? Yeah, none of his kids talk to him anymore. Oh, well, then yeah, he should be shamed. Okay, cool. That is pretty sick. Dad. Like that part, I'm always like, oh, John, you got to make good with your kids, man. Come on. Anyway, that is the YouTube harassment strike policy voted up.

Vote it up. Carl's a real winner. Who doesn't love the mega touch? Carl get Anthony Cooney to do the show. I think Coomy is busy, man. Coombe's got his radio show and he's got what he's doing, what's the other guy? We just get McGuinness, him and those two guys do a show on Wednesday. show. What's the new show? He does, what does the Anthony Coomia show?

Oh, he does the show with Jim Norton, Anthony and Jim. There you go. Anthony and Jim. I mean, it's Coomia country right now. Cuma is killing it. He is. It really is. I remember, I was like listening to like some

comedians joking about, you know, the compound media network or whatever, you know, just being like, ah, it's that far right. It was actually Comtown, Comtown joking about Anthony Coomia back of the day, being like, ah, that guy is really. burned every bridge. There's no way he'll make it back

of the mainstream. And it's like, no, he's got a radio show. He's killing it. And I think that kind of leads into my problem, Carl, which is, my problem is being right about Woke 1 and having nothing to show for it. Now, I don't know

if you saw this article. I think it was from the Boston Globe talking about the last ditch bar and arts venue. Have you heard this story? A lesbian bar. Oh, my shit. We cover I'm not the creep off this way. It's hilarious. Fantastic. Now, Carl, I need to tell you a little something about myself. The last ditch bar in arts venue, a lesbian bar, is located in Greenfield, Massachusetts. Greenfield, Massachusetts being where Vito went to college because I went to the cheap, shitty community college. I said, I'll do this for two years. And then I'll go to real college. And I said, God, I just hate school. I ain't doing any more of this. But I had to drive every day from Amherst, Massachusetts, which is even more of a little. liberal hellhole to Greenfield, Massachusetts, and endure the wokeest fucking specter on the planet.

People who have not lived in Western Massachusetts have no ideas that all the woke shit you guys have been dealing with for the past 10 years, I've been dealing with my whole fucking life. Now, if you don't know this story, this went viral. Go ahead, Carol. And perpetrating as well. I love you. You don't understand. Okay.

All right. When you guys go, hey, that veto guy's kind of woke, you need to. you need to understand that the fact that I came out of that place still being skeptical about any of this is a fucking miracle. I was, I was the one guy. So you're a communist, but not that extreme is what you're saying. Tindy,

yeah. That'd be like, well, yeah, I was in the Nazi party, but I was just like, well, can we have better conditions and Auschwitz?

We're being kind of cruel to these people. I check the grain. He got, someone's got to check the grain. Do we got enough grain? Do we need more grain? You're part of the problem. You are.

There's less grain. We got to give out. You are part of the problem. The green guy's important in a Nazi party. Go ahead. So here's the story for those of you who missed it. Last Ditch Bar and Arts venue in Greenfield, Massachusetts. This was a lesbian bar, which as of, still now has a firm masking policy,

meaning you cannot go into the bar without wearing an N95 respirator mask. Shockingly, this was not really popular with people who want to go to the bar. and the bar was losing money constantly. They were like, man, we just can't get people to come to the bar. It's weird. People don't want to wear a mask when they're drinking beer. These people put their mouths of vaginas, and they're worried about air? Thank you.

They're doing the most disgusting thing I can think of with their mouths. You can take the mask off, ladies. So they decided, listen, this bar is bleeding money. We're going to do something, and I think this is reasonable. COVID's over. Bleeding money at the lesbian bar. I get it. Yeah, well, they have not had a reported COVID epidemic in Greenfield for like two years with the last case of COVID they think.

Because they're wearing masks at the lesbian bar. Fine. Okay. They said, listen, one day a week, we're going to have no mask Mondays. Rest of the week, you got to wear the mask. But on Monday, it's optional. You don't got, if you still, if you want to wear your own, we're not going to stop you. You can still wear your own, but optional masks.

And Mondays are in a big drinking night. So it's like, well, I don't go to the bar on Monday anyway. I stay home with my girlfriend and eat popcorn and watch one of their football. This resulted in this small town bar becoming the subject of a local boycott, people picketing and accusing them of eugenicism. As one commenter said, I hope your venue gets firebombed for robbing my fellow immunocompromised people of their Saturday plans just to scrape extra revenue from the ableists.

All right, time out. Another time out. So you said Saturday plans, but this is on Mondays, right? Do they not? Maybe it was Saturday. Okay. I don't know which day it was. Okay.

Saturday was the mask optional day. Okay. Saturday was a nice thing people would want to go up. What's funny about that, these fucking liberal retards, they have no idea what they're talking about. They're like, you could hurt someone if you're not wearing a mask. I will fireball your establishment. If you allow people to not wear a mask, like they don't mind murdering people if they're breaking the rules. Well, let's be clear.

The bar is losing money. You have a choice. Either a there just is no fucking bar right or B you let them fucking open it up and you don't got to go on Saturday and you can go to every other night of the week As another comment said people like you kill disabled people in the name of leisure and convenience And another said you well just say you're being complicit in a mass disabling event and get it over with Basically this bar is going I don't know what to do they interviewed one of the lesbian owner. She was in tears. She said, I think I'm going to have to go back to clown college.

Everyone's going, what is this fucking town? And I'm going, I live through all this. I know all this. I remember getting off at the community college. I like met a girl. I was like, this is a nice girl. We can hang out. She goes, hey, you want to go contra dancing? I'm like, what the fuck is contra dancing? Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B.A. Well, you know what? It honestly feels like that. It was in a fucking barn.

It was some old fashioned hippie bullshit. And a bunch of, like, old hippies were like, no, then you go underneath and we all dance in a group. And I mean, my fucking hometown still had fucking actual communes. Like there were kids in my high school who lived at the commune. And they're like, ah, you know, I'm like, hey, you want to hang out? You want to play Halo? They're like, nah, I got to go back and earn some labor credits for dinner. And I'm like, okay, man, have a good time at the fucking commune.

So I lived through all this. And I was the one guy in my town who kept going, hey guys, maybe we're getting a little too gay or you know maybe maybe some of this stuff you guys are saying is little nuts stuff like we need to defund the police we need reparations for black people we need just hand the money trans people it's a genocide they're killing thousands of them in the street i said well i don't think they're killing a couple prostitutes have died it's actually not that much if you look at the numbers if they would have been up front about it that wouldn't have happened you know well you know people like surprise it sometimes. Carl,

I have, I had multiple people in my life, because again, I came from this community, send me the messages where they go, I'm just real sad to see the path you've gone down. I've seen some of your YouTube content. I saw you at that Dave Chappelle protesting these proud

trans people. And I just, you know, when I knew you, I knew you were a good man and now I just see a hateful right wing bigot. I would tell them I'd go, hey, listen man, I feel like at some point you're going to realize all this is a little nuts. And they went, no, no, this is the way. This is the way. This is the future. I agree with most things you say. But when you said

jokes are funny, we like jokes and then you said Dave is funny. We like Dave. You went too far with that. That's outrageous. Did you ever see the video where I went to the protest? I handed out Pepsi or whatever to the Antifa kids. I literally had a guy. And it was another guy who had like a podcast that used to go on. And him and his buddy, it was him and Tim Rogers, a guy we talked about on this show. Tim's going, wow, did you see Vito's a video is getting like millions of views? That's pretty awesome. He actually made the joke. He's like, we've been making content all this time.

Vito just goes viral overnight. That kind of stings, right? And the other guy goes, well, I guess when you pander to fascists, that's an easy way to get the views. Okay. And I went, dude, I was handing out fucking Pepsi's. Like, I was not on any side down there. Yeah. So we now have.

What percentage of the U.S. population considers themselves fascist? Everybody's guys. I love that. We're able to throw around like, oh, you wanted for fascism? Did you? Like, no. Nobody wanted for fascists. What are we talking about?

I definitely am not. I don't think I'm a fascist, but apparently I am. So look, as of earlier this year, AOC came out and said, man, that woke one was crazy. And this is what I'm hearing from all these former diehard liberals going, oh, we went a little far there, didn't we? It was a little goofy what we were into. and I'm going, man, do you know how much I have suffered through all these people coming to me and going, you're a bad guy and you're a piece of shit? And then five years later, I got to get Facebook messages from them going, I got to admit,

you kind of had a point there. Oh. You kind of, you might have. Vindication. But the vindication amounts to nothing. Because over the past 10 years, I've been like, hey, can I get some support? Can we make some comedy? Can we make some stuff or whatever?

And they go, no, I can't support you. You're a big. And I don't want. And now they go. look, I think I've told this story already. The things that are red-pilling these people is the stupidest shit in the world where I go, how did you not extrapolate out that this would happen? I had a buddy, he goes, Vito, you're too harsh on trans people.

These are beautiful women. They're not interfering with our lives at all. They just want to live their life in peace and cause trouble for no one. And then I get a message from him. He goes, see what this trans bitch is doing in disc golf? And I go, what? He goes, yeah, I'm big on disc golf. I love disc golf.

and there's this trans lady who entered the ladies league and she's winning all the games. And I go, of all the shit that's going on in the world, fucking there's men in the women's prisons and the fucking homeless shelters, disc golf, put you over the fucking edge? This is bullshit. I had another guy, he goes, yeah,

I did look up some of those crime statistics. You might have a point. There might be some problems in America. And I'm like, I just have guys, it's like, I was right. I was right. I was right the whole fucking time. And I kept second-guess.

You were wrong about a lot of shit, too. I've never been wrong. I've never been wrong. I'm always right. I was completely right on all this woke shit, and I get nothing from it. I benefit in no way. It has not helped me at all. It has been, I lost 10 years of my life, towing a fucking line and having YouTube videos deleted

and losing my Twitter. And at the end of the day, it's like, everybody just goes, yeah, I guess we were wrong about that. Maybe we can watch the new Harry Potter without feeling bad. Maybe that's fine. I'm like, yes, I said that. I want, there's no recognition. There is no glory.

I was right and I get nothing from it. Is that what you need, though? You need people to say like, Vito, you were right, we were wrong? Is that like the point of all this? Why? I want to, I want reparations. I deserve reparations, okay? The amount of opportunities I've lost out on, I've had guys be like,

oh, you can't, we can't book Vito on this show. People would not come on this podcast, Carl. Right. I've had comedian friends. you go, I can't go on that podcast. It's because you're obnoxious, not because of your... That's part of it. They go, you smell, you stink. Talk too much. I said, no, you can do it on the webcam.

Okay? They've got, no, I can't associate. I see you guys talk about Trump and, you know, that other guy, that dick guy, he's like pro-Trump. I just can't be a part of that, you know. Sometimes you guys make fun of African Americans or a destitute, just trying to steal a loaf of bread. And I go, yeah, that might come up on occasion. It's not the absolute focus of the show. you know we had one guy I don't know if I should say who it was but he's like can you just like not use my real name on the show could I have like an alias or something

he's like I'm still trying to get you know some roles out here in Hollywood I'm like yeah yeah okay we can use a fucking alias well this is like a stereos back of the original biggest problem in the universe is that what it was was that a serious was a very liberal guy and he started getting the dick messerson stink on him and he was just like I can't be associated with this or it's too right way it's too out there

do crazy. And then fast forward, I was just like, wait, we were the crazies? Oh, okay. My bad.

I didn't realize. If we're talking about Dick, Dick did live through the worst of it. Dick got canceled in L.A. Yep. He got forced out of fucking UCB. He had all these, like,

comedian friends. He got it worse than I did. I'll be real because I didn't have any friends to lose to begin with it. I was going to say it because he actually had success. Right. He had something going on. I just wanted like a loser to like a slagy. And he handled it better too.

Go figure. He did pretty good. Like a man. like a bad he turned he spotted into success i've just uh i'm figuring it out everything's well that's what i mean when i'm like well what do you want from this like isn't being right its own reward like the fact that you know like this is the best part it's one thing if you were just like you guys were being crazy this whole scientist trying to explain it to you and now you're finally coming around and that like that's all you need you don't need a parade being thrown

in your honor you don't need a uh cookie cake okay here's what it is here's what here's the problem i don't want AOC laughing it off. Can you believe the things you were saying? Bad news, Vito. AOC's going to laugh it off and get reelected for the rest of fucking time. AOC's going to be the wheelchair Mitch McConnell that we were watching earlier. Yeah, well, she's doing that for sure. I want these bitches, not her, but I want these bitches on their knees, apologize. Oh, that's bad. That's bad.

We were so wrong. This is why you're wrong. This is why you're wrong. you're wrong about this. Yeah. Treaty of Versailles. You familiar with this? I thought I was about to bring up. Is that really? As I started saying it, I said, I want a treaty of Versailles situation.

You don't want to go too hard at the losers because eventually they get resentment. They're like, fuck those assholes. Let's get back in them. I want them to suffer for what they did. I don't think we should do that. Slowly, slowly build up a coalition and then come back twice as hard. Vita, let me make another analogy that's completely foreign to you. Yeah.

So I've been a Bills fan for most of my life. And the bills were- I'm gonna have a diet for a second. That would have been something I definitely don't. That's gonna be offline. We need to have a real conversation. Okay. I was a Buffalo Bills fan for most of my life.

And I suffered through like two decades of just mediocrity and just awful football. And it sucked. But I was watching every game. I was going to the games. And me and my buddies were rooting for them. And I'm buying the jerseys and I'm doing all the stuff. And just disappointment after disappointment, not fun, right?

All of a sudden, they draft Josh. Allen they make some good moves some good trades we got some we got a team we're a contender and all of a sudden other people are jumping on the bandwagon i'm a bills man you know what i said me don't welcome on board everyone come on and root on the bills with us never was i think like you weren't there when we were two and 14 get the fuck out of like no they're coming around that's great i'm glad i'm sorry it took you longer to get here you're here now we're all here together because otherwise what are we doing we're all the same page, great. Let's move forward.

We can all be on the same team. Maybe there could be some sort of marking they have to wear or a tattoo that we can't see that. This is the problem we're having right now. Look, we're all part of the thing now, but you guys fucked up and you need to be, you need to be known to the community. I think we got to keep an eye

on you. We should tattoo them, but only if they're othered in some way. You know, I think yeah, right, if there's a certain race or ethnicity, sure. Look, I'm not, I'm not discounted the fact. We might need woke internment camps if this thing comes back around. We need to know who goes in the camp first. We're going to go, listen, during the fucking the troubles, you were out here saying, hey, maybe a 12-year-old Ken

consent to having their dick cut off. You're going in the camp first. That's it. I don't all right. That's a good point. That's a pretty good point. Once the world wars are over, we'll reevaluate your fucking commitment to the cause. I don't know why all of a sudden general mutilation became a positive thing to these retards. So, okay, we did that. That's pretty crazy. Science is settled, Carl. That's what they kept telling me.

Yeah, I know. Doctors across America agree. You got to cut that kid's penis off. Or he's just going to have a real bad time. I don't know. It doesn't sound like medical science. It sounds like you just made it up. He's got a girl's brain, Carl.

It's a girl's brain inside that boy. Again, it doesn't sound like it's based on anything. Look, I was right. I lived through it. I lived through it more than any. You guys do not know how much I suffered living in West. Eastern Massachusetts having to hold my tongue to every lesbian and trans and came along. And now you all, you all ridicule, I can't believe that bar.

Oh, it's so ridiculous what's going on. When five years ago you would have said, good for them. They are bravely defending their community from ablest monsters. Being right about woke with no rewards is the biggest problem in the universe. And that's the bottom line. Voted down. Voted up. And there, any,

has to get the tattoo. It's going to be a, it's going to be a penis getting cut off with a pair of scissors. We're going to tattoo it right on your fucking arm. This is the biggest problem in the universe, guys. Episode 242, I want to thank my guest, Carl Hamburger, Carl, where can we find you, buddy?

Who Are These.com is the best place. My YouTube channel is up right now. You can go watch videos, but I can't really do anything there right now. I'm going to do a bonus show. if you go to patreon.com slash who are these podcasts, that'd be a great way to support us through this difficult time. We do two bonus shows every month, and I believe Vito and I are going to be teaming up for a bonus crossover event. Bang. And we need to schedule that. I sent you a note about we will figure it out. Monday, I have my very important comedy class, Carl, so I can't miss that?

This is what's so funny. So I go, I go Vito, can we maybe record on Monday? And he goes, I have class on money, so I can't do that. Vito's like, I could only do one thing in a day. guy I can't believe how fucking lazy you are you have a comedy class you can't schedule anything else I got to get prepared for comedy class I have homework to do for comedy class once the company class end I'm gonna probably go out with the boys after comedy class I mean come on you're the fucking worst half of comedy class is networking at comedy class you're the fucking worst what about Sunday what do you do it's that we'll figure it out we're gonna say football oh football's all day

footballs all day. Yeah, there's a lot of games. I don't go to one class on Sunday. I watch all the games. I got to make sure the chimjaws are fight the coupos. We can talk about it. You don't know a single NFL team name. The jumpers, the runners, the hitters, God's biggest L taker for two says,

does Carl eat poop? Is the question. I don't. I don't eat poop. You don't eat poop. Congratulations. Big brain, small brain. Dick Masterson beat woke.

Then you killed him. he's alive and he's well. That's true. Doing good. I'll Jay Clauberino for five. What's worse? No bathroom door or not washing your hands after using it. Oh, interesting.

I mean, not washing your hands. Not washing your hands. But those are like two wildly different things. Unless you're going peepee. You don't go wash your hands at pee. You don't need a bathroom door after your pee. Yeah, exactly. But I'm assuming number two on this one.

I was listening to you, and I'm sorry, I'm going to do this one more time. And then I swear I was not doing it. Go ahead. So he's doing an interview with Josh Allen, the star quarterback for the Buffalo Bills, future MVP. He was already the interview. You were interviewing him? I wasn't.

I was listening to an interview podcast. He was talking about how the visitor locker room, if you came in and played against the bills in Buffalo, was the worst locker room in the league. Listen to this to me, though. So you have a team. There's 53 players who are on the team. And then you have all the coaches and the staff. So there's 100 people, right? Right.

One toilet for all of those people, one stall. No door. That's such a shitty thing. That's such a shitty thing to do to be like, which team is this? The Buffalo Bills visiting locker room. If the Buffalo Bills don't have a bathroom door, why do I need a bathroom door, Carl?

I'm good. Well, that's why they brought that up. I forgot about that. Yes, that's right. You should have a bathroom door. I have a curtain. I got a curtain. It's a nice, thick curtain.

Is it Tony from Hacked the movies who called you out on that? I have a lot of people have called me. I've been messaging with Tony from Hatton. He's really excited that we're teaming up on this. Get him to come on here. We love Tony from active movies. I'm being sarcastic.

He's not a fan of yours. He loves it. He loves this show. You're retarded. I love Tony. Tony's a good guy. All right, I got some voicemails here. You ready for some voicemails?

Of course. All right, here we go. Oh, and I will say, guys, don't forget, 689, biggest, get your voicemails in, be a part of it. Hey, boys, podcast, property. Your Holy Spirit is speaking through me. You know, I like the new setup with you, too. Working pretty good.

Hopefully it turns into, him Carl be and your permanent co-host, Eddie Oodles, biggest problem in the universe is when you're listening to your favorite podcast after work, you know, and it's done, and you get to the competition part, and the guy you always vote for,

he just kind of phones it in. Turns out he likes to just pick his fucking person, day of instead of doing some research like his fat tubby fucking co-host. No, Vito, I'm not talking about you. Anyways, just saying, thanks to talk you back. Oh, podcast, private, good to hear from you. Listen, I think he's referring to the creep off. Oh, is that what he's talking about?

I do pick my creep the Monday morning. We do the show 1 o'clock on Monday afternoons. I always do all my prep right before the show because it's fresh in my mind that way. I'm better at it. Yeah. Why put it in any effort? You know, you can just. No, I put it in a ton of effort.

That's not. I just, you know, my point is if I were to research. Google and I go, who fucked somebody? All right, a dead guy. Fine. It's actually worse than that. Alex is our producer for the creepop and he sends us over a bunch of suggestions. He's like, all right, the category this week is this.

Here's a bunch of guys that choose from. I'm like, thank you. I don't think that's a problem. I think that's fine. I do a lot of research. I do a great presentation. presentation. Fuck off everyone.

I mean, it's the creep. Check out the creep off. Yeah, that fucking Wheel of Fortune guy really is winning the, I was listening to more stuff. They found more of his posts

on some fucking message board. Jim Thornton. Yeah. No, he's not great. He's great. He's great. He's not great.

He's not great. He did everything wrong he could possibly do. It's like you could not set up a worst pratful for getting like found out as a pedophile. Wearing the Wheel of Fortune coat while in the chat room going, hey, look what I'm doing.

Ha ha! I'm wild. As someone who pointed out, one of the things that really did him in was not wearing his glasses. So we had to jam the fucking font size of the chat up to maximum. So she's like, hey, how about fucking kids? And you're like, oh, my God. I got another voicemail for you. Hey, V, you know, the biggest problem in the universe is when you go to the grocery store to buy a pair of nail clippers,

but they're all in one giant tub. So you've got to dig to the bottom to get the one that the homeless. person hasn't used on the dirty shit covered fingernails. I'm sorry, where is he buying nail clippers from? Yeah, that's weird. Nail clippers usually come in like blister packs, like, free package. I hate when I go to the store to get a new pair of nail clippers, and I got to dig through the bin.

I haven't had that one. You shouldn't buy used nail clippers. No, get a pair on fucking Amazon. They send you like a whole kit. I had to make my hands pretty at one point on selling magic cards. Uh, voicemail three here. Why, is your super killer number one issue running? No.

Well, then you better go print it. That's good. That's good. Guys, thank you, as always, for being a part of the magic. I want to thank Carl for being here. This has been the biggest problem in the universe episode 242. And we will be a new bonus episode coming up. Go to patreon.com slash biggest problem.

And don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggest problem. dot show. Carl, Monday. I'm a little busy, so we'll see yeah. We'll figure it out. Thanks for, thanks for coming by, buddy. Yeah, we'll do a bonus show before the end of the month.

What is the end of the month this Wednesday? Is that the 30th? Yeah, we'll get it together. I mean, you got it. I have a very busy week. We're traveling to Detroit. We're doing our live show in Detroit this weekend, next weekend, I guess I should say, coming up. I'm going to Toronto tomorrow.

So busy week, busy weeks coming up. So you might have to work around my schedule for a second. Oh, well, the guys. I got a lot going on myself. I got a lot going on. Where are you going? What are you doing? I'm talking to a guy.

We might have a third veto podcast coming down the pipeline to go along with the Ristic Study Hall. I love that you started playing that to start the show. I pressed the wrong button. I saw that. Why is Vito a wizard? This doesn't track at all. All right, guys, take care of yourselves. Bye.

Bye.