The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 243

Episode Date: October 4, 2026

Vito and Billy discuss how to get to the delicious chocolately center of the green M&M

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. Episode 243 with my good friend, Billy the fridge. Billy, how you doing? Doing very well. I got some big problems. Excited. Well, this is the place for them. This is the place for the biggest of the problems, Billy.

That's what we're here to do. How you been? I think I just asked that. I think I just asked the same question. I think so. I think so. I think so. But I have a new answer.

I have a new answer. Yeah, what's going on? driving through a neighborhood, not too far from mine. And I saw this giant sign and had an arrow on it. And it said nerd trap. And I'm like, I'm like, okay. And then I see another sign that had an arrow on it. And it said, goth girl trap.

And I'm like, what the fuck is this? What is this? And I turn around the corner and I see a bunch of signs and they're like, you've gone too far. And I'm like, what is going on here? Am I about to go into Wonderland? And then I get like around the block. I come back to where it was pointing.

And it's like a yard sale. And it's just like, it's like, there's like a tent in front of a yard. And there's like this lady. She's like, come in. And I'm like, they got you. They got you. I didn't go in. I didn't have time.

You didn't go in. It said nerd trap. There could have been cool shit there. Well, I've seen the sign before and I couldn't find where it pointed to. Yeah. Then the got to goff girl sign was like, it gave me, oh, I got to follow this sign. Maybe there was a big titty got to sell you magic cards and video games and shit.

You might have dropped the ball. I will go back. If there was one, I was like, I had my slop on my shirt. I had been eating some Chipotle and it slopped out. I was like, I really don't want to meet a big titty goth girl with Slop shirt. So like I was, it's not my time, Vito. The Slop's not my time. It's a common fat guy problem where you go, man, I just wish I could eat without everything going all over me.

Guys, it's the biggest problem in the universe. We check out all the big problems. and I have the winners from last week with this very exciting. Actually, I need a better drum roll, but here we go. Longo drum roll. Last week's winners were video games that waste your time. That was me. I'm the winner.

Bill you ever play any of these video games where you just got to talk to everybody? You got to walk around. A guy goes, oh, I need you to find some mementos in my shed. And you're like, I just want to go kill guys. This sucks. I hate that. My new thing is I don't play video. games. I watch the ads for video games on like Instagram. You ever see those stupid phone ads

where they're like count the cats, find the cats in the squares? And I watch the ads all the way through. I don't play the game. I'm just like, let's go get that cat. Well, I always watch those ads where it's like the army guy shooting the gun and like he can make more army guys. And I go, clearly go to the thing that makes a hundred more army guys. Why are you wasting time doing anything else? as the big monsters coming towards him. And it always ends up. I always think I'm going to find the one ad where the guy plays it correctly

and defeats the big guy, but it never happens. You what my new favorite ad is? Have you seen these ads that are like, like really poorly formed drama? Like, almost like soap operas. But the ones where like people are trying to sell stuff and then people come and knock their shit down.

That's one. But there's like, it's the, drama the ad is for the show itself and they're like these drama shows where it's like I'm secretly a billionaire woman but my son goes to private school he I make him dress poor he doesn't know he's rich I raised my son poor and then it's like this drama where they're like picking on the poor kid and in her head she's like I own this town but I don't want them to know my son's rich so I'll let them pick on my little boy I saw one yesterday that was like it's an ad for like a show but it's just like recounting the show but it plays the show and then it gets to a

certain point where it's like, download this stupid app if you want to see the ending. I don't want to see the ending. I didn't want to watch why I just watched, but I couldn't turn away because it was so stupid. The one I saw last night was like a werewolf fighters and there's this little, this is a real show about wherewolves fighting? This is like it done by AI, the werewolf one, but it was a similar vein where it's like this werewolf would come in and they would test the werewolves and it was like this guy was. like, they're so weak, but my master's say I'm weak. And he's like, infallible.

And it's so stupid. And I'm like, I can't stop watching. And then it's like, click, after like five minutes, like, click this button to see the end. I'm like, I don't want to see the end. It's not good. And then you got to go to some Chinese malware website that ends up just infecting your computer to watch the werewolf show. Yeah. It's slop bait, but I'm like, I'm there.

Some of the slops good. Some of the slops good. There was the one, somebody made a slop AI video. And it was about what if there was a world where homeless people were crawling through an ice tunnel where rich people will rich people watch them and you're like yeah i guess that would be interesting to watch for a minute uh the problem is none of that stuff is like good enough to sustain an actual show uh as gutroft says i have no idea what he's talking about yeah i don't know what this werewolf show is billy i don't i'll have to check it out later it was this weird

ad it was like i don't know man it was it felt like it was twilight or something because the were preparing to fight the vampires it was so stupid so stupid We're getting some comments. Carl better be back or I'm done. Where's Carl? Guys, Carl, who is an interim co-host, is actually, he's in, I believe, Detroit or something, doing some sort of WATP function. But Carl has not abandoned us. We will see more, Carl, coming down the line. WATP?

Who are these podcasts, Billy? Oh, oh, sorry. Who are these podcasts? I thought it was red-ass T-pussy. Who are these pussies? Who are these pussies? is the new one he's working on. or he just reviews pornography. And number two was YouTube's bullying policy.

That was Carl, whose channel got banned temporarily. Illegal prostitution in third. And then for some reason, I came in dead last with being right about woke one, Billy. That was me saying. I called that the woke stuff was going a little too far. People at the time said, no, no, it's not going far enough. And now they're walking it back. I don't know.

I still think I was correct. Now, I brought in a couple comments from actually the last time you were on, Billy, you were here on episode 235. Here's a couple comments. Orange Mint says the best part was Billy accidentally calling Vito Boogie. You remember doing that, Billy? Sorry, Boogie. Here's the thing, Boogie. And I went, oh, I don't like how that feels.

That feels a little weird. Ever since then, you've been secretly getting back at me. Well, I don't know how to feel about Boogie. He's the kind of guy who I'm like, I don't want him to fail, but sometimes he does stuff and I'm like, oh, Buggy, you shouldn't be, you shouldn't be doing that, you know? He does terrible things. He does terrible things. And I don't know, he's like, he's one of these guys who was never really, like, completely

honest. Though I think the thing that always bothered me about Boogie was this whole, I'm just a nice guy on the internet arc where I'm like, nah, man, you're like a weird, like, dude who's like buying horrors and shit. Like, can you stop acting like you're Mr. Rogers? That was weird. He doesn't do that anymore, I guess. Although he kind of sometimes does.

He's like, I just want to spread positivity and love. And I'm like, no, you're a shitbag like the rest of us. Just own up to it. He is a shitbag like the rest of us. Except I don't buy whores, Vito. I don't buy wars. I can't afford him. I can't afford them either.

Zeps are toxic last time you're on. This was literally the biggest problem in the universe. I think we had about 20 different variations on that comment. Because I'm fat. Yeah, there you go. critical thinking, 2092 says if you don't go with Billy as a co-host, you're nuts. You need a funny guy on

with you. I had a couple people say maybe Billy should be a more permanent host. We should have you on more. And I told people, I said, well, it's going to be tough because Billy's been doing the Loll Cow podcast. You've been doing Loll Cow Rewind five nights a week. And then now the whole

Lowell Cow universe is again on hiatus. Every podcast is stopped again. Yeah. It's been it's been canceled for now. It'll probably come back November first. This is like the third time I've talked to you and you said, oh yeah,

all of Lowell Cow is on Shutdown. I go, how do you just shut down all your podcast? It's so fucking weird. We've gone into DefCon, Cow, Def Cow 5. What is happening that you're in Def Cow 5? Okay, so the Lowell podcast is like 10 podcasts at this point. None of them are happening right now.

Why? Well, there was a 12 podcast network, 24-hour network with 12 shows running last week or the week before or whatever. It closed down last week. And it closed down because there was an exodus of hosts due to an argument. And the argument was so bad that it brought in outside forces that were digging into each other's secret stuff, private life. And it got two IRL. There was like some doxing type stuff going on.

Let's stop that. Yeah. But I don't see how I don't see how shutting. a lull cow down stops that i mean what do you guys hoping to accomplish there i just i don't ask questions i just show up and act like a fucking idiot so is this

the end of lull cow is there no boogie already left lull cow now there is no lull cow i mean every every week it seems like this thing is ending they want me to be the new boogie so i'm going to have to start lying and buying hoars it does seem like they want you to be

the next boogie as uh ice no not that as ice young says so another fake shut down to get more views. That doesn't make sense to me though. How does shutting the whole thing down get more views? I don't think it's fake. I think Kim just thinks you can keep shutting a podcast down and the audience will keep coming back. I think at a certain point the audience goes, I'm tired of this show that keeps shutting down. Yeah, if it's fake, I have no idea why it would be fake. I'm pretty sure that things got too intense and we're backing away for a minute to try and well, I'm lucky. I'm glad. I want the whole low-cast podcast to shut down because then I get more

Billy in my life. You know I love Billy. Last week I accidentally played this intro and everyone got confused. A lot of people were like, why the fuck are you and Billy Wizards? And I said, we do a Magic the Gathering show. I was supposed to play that during the during this show. It's my bad.

Marcus Magic the Gathering podcast. Riley says, when are you getting Boogie on this show? I've asked Boogie. Right now, Boogie has said, I'm making traveling content. So Boogie wants to be a travel vlogger, him and his girlfriend go to haunted houses and

hamburger restaurants and I guess they can only do that on weekends. I don't know. I'm like Boogie, will you just come on the fucking podcast and not go to a haunted house? I got to go to a haunted house. There's big money in the haunted house market right now. I'm going to be a haunted house YouTuber.

I'm like, all right, fine. I don't that is the thing, by the way. There is guys where just like fucking theme park. Chrissy mayor's been doing it. I don't know if you know Chrissy Mare who uh yeah from the a slut cast or whatever the slut pot is that what she calls it the slug cast i don't know what it was called is that what it was called the whorecast i had to send her i had to send chrisie mary a message because her and her husband didn't know

how audio works at all uh here real quick i'll show chrisie mary's newest endeavor it is called chrisie mare world she's currently killing it with 642 subscribers so a good solid pivot for chrisie I tried the best German restaurant in New Jersey. See, this is just going to a restaurant in your town. That's not a travel vlog. Was it good? I don't know. No, she's not wearing the leader hosen.

So I had to send her and her husband a message. I said, hey, right now all the audio is coming out of one fucking channel. You got a down mix to mono. So they go to a restaurant. They eat the food. Hey, it did get 2,000 views. So good for her. All right.

I guess that's good. Uh, so yeah, if you guys want to watch Chrissy mare. Okay, but then we'll get the intro to our videos. It's Chrissy bear. She's on a steampunk. What the fuck? She's in a cyber tunnel. Not if this happens in the videos.

This is way cooler than what actually happens. I saw an explode. Dude, why do we not have this intro? Dude. This is smashing a TV. Holy shit. I'm not even alive. This is fucking really cool.

I like AI. Here. Yeah. I like AI because it makes everything look so fucking like stupid, but cool. Like all this, like the actual use of AI that's going to better mankind is a little further ahead. Right now it's like the Choshkis of entertainment. Right now it's just making this. Yeah, this dog.

Dude, this is crazy because it's not like, oh my God, is this going to be like the intro to like an Info War show where she goes, we're smashing through barriers and bringing you the truth and the actual video is her showing you the pool at her fucking hotel until i got here and i was like oh yeah people dress up on vacation this is so fucking like look she's walking she's doing the walk away from an excuse this is actually bad ass i got to do this for my channel she's smoking a big cigar wow chrissey this is i can't even mad about this this is the coolest thing i've ever seen in my life it's just it immediately leads into, hey guys, I'm a wine mom, and they have a pool at the hotel. It should just end?

It should end with her killing Epstein. Yeah, dude, it should. It should. Epic. I can't believe you go from that and you go, here's where you get a towel. If you don't have a towel at the pool, you know. They do have a bar, but it's kind of expensive. Chrissy Maher, smashing open barriers.

Okay. I did not know that. But now I know. And also, John Q says Billy needs to get meaner on the show. That's part of what makes it funny. So fuck you, John Q, bitch. There you go. A little whore.

A little cock wobbler. Fuck out of here. Walk backwards. Walk backwards into a field of corncobb fucker. Hope one of them watches right up your asshole. There you go. You got me and Billy. That's what you guys wanted.

And here's another thing you guys wanted. It's voted up. We gotta vote it up. Vote up. all the problems now and never stop. If you don't vote them up, there would be no show you gotta vote for all the problems. Our biggest problem that show, come on now.

Ladies gentlemen, it's voted up talking about past problems and learning more about them. Billy, I've got a problem for you. I don't know if you're dealing with this where you're at in Seattle. The problem from episode 197 was Mosquitoes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I hate mosquitoes. It fucking sucks. I went to the store to see what you're supposed to do about mosquitoes.

It's hit him with the spray, I guess. I don't know. You can't really get a mosquito. I could get a bug zapper, but it's like 80 bucks. There's citronella candles that will help, like, burn the mosquitoes away if your outside guy and light the candles. There's a few ways to deal with them. We used to take the candles with us camping. I got sweet meat.

There's actually people who are more edible by mosquitoes than others. They always come for me. It's really unfair. You got the sweet blood. Yeah. So I guess the other thing is just hang out with me. If you hang out with me, they'll eat me before you. Well, here's something you can do, Billy, if you got a lot of money. A Chinese-developed laser mosquito killer has just entered mass production with the first units due this month.

Kill them with lasers, Billy. This actually sounds smart but expensive. The portable device combines LIDAR, millimeter wave radar, AI-powered vision, and precision laser. to detect and target mosquitoes and other small flying insects. Real quick, let's take a look at the future of killing mosquitoes. This is a test done in the nighttime from the Chinese. They set up three of their laser murder devices. It's pretty intense.

Oh, yeah. So every time it fires, it's supposedly killing a mosquito night. It looks like a raid. It's a short video. We've gone from fly strip to Gaza strip. Well, I'm wondering, like, how does it know? We got ourselves a really interesting story to talk about. Legendary.

I was like, how does it know if it's targeting a mosquito or like a person? Exactly. Even if you just walk into the thing and it catches you in the eye on accident? Couldn't you just, yeah? What's going to stop some hacker kid from going in and reprogramming it and being like, uh, I'm going to train this thing to just, just fire at people's eyeballs. And then just set it up in a crowded

fucking space and blind a million fucking people. Do you think you can train it to target bra straps? I think you can train it to target anything. It's AI generated, man. You just got to get into the programming and fuck around. Luckily, I was going to say, I'm like, I'm worried about

some hacker kids getting their hands on a bunch of these and destroying the world. But it currently retails for $1,288. There is a limited time sale, though. is now $1,088. Down from 1488. Down from 1488.

Yeah, it was 1488. But that was a different model. And that one caused a lot of problems. I don't know, man. I'm a little bit worried when a company can just make a fucking AI laser device and sell it. I assume the laser isn't that powerful. But, you know, this seems like the kind of thing. A bad guy gets his hands on.

He replaced the laser with a big one. And he just creates a murder bot. If it can kill a mosquito, what else could it kill at that level, right? Yeah. What else could it deal with? Maybe it could be killing like, I don't want to get, you know, you know, it could be targeting people's pets or something. That's horrible. Why is that where my fucking great ones?

Would it leave like a mark on human skin? Could you like give people tattoos without them knowing? That would be interesting. If you had an instant laser tattoo machine, somebody walks by and you tattooed the name of your brand on their face real quick. Or kick me on their back at the beach? I just, it's so interesting that we have this AI technology and immediately we're like, maybe we'll use it to murder stuff. And you're like, yeah, I mean, I hope we stop it bugs, but I don't know if we're going

to stop it bugs. Well, that's currently number 109 on the board with 352 up votes. I want you guys to go vote it up. Billy, I have one more for you. And this story drove me nuts. From episode 44, we had the problem of Tattel, tale, journalists. These are journalists who report stories that nobody needs them to report on because it's not really in the public interest and you're just trying to ruin people's lives. So the Portland Trailblazers have just fired announcer Braden Bell on Thursday just hours after he has named the team's new play-by-play broadcaster.

So this guy gets a job. He's going, look at him past the basketball. There goes the basketball. Everybody likes the basketball. And hours later, some little journalist comes lying. He goes, um, I found some tweets that are a little bit problematic. And I thought we could talk about them. Oh, my God.

Posted on his account. Are you guys hearing this audio? He was a teenage. Yeah, I can hear it. He's been following breaking news and is in the newsroom. Disabled my ad blogger. I was fired of the misogynistic and racist. And now it does not want to be.

A misogynistic and racist tweets? Yeah, misogynistic race. racist tweets from KGW. At least it wasn't the WMBA. There we go. Pause on this side. Now I can see these misogynistic tweets. So again, this guy gets the job immediately.

This fucking journalist guy starts sneaking around. This is the announcer. Okay. And let's be clear. These are tweets from 2012 back when this guy was in high school. That's what they're doing to go and cancel it. He just got his drill. be real. If you're like an announcer guy, your dream job is, oh, I just want to say, hey,

look at the guy with the basketball. Look at him dribble the basketball. It's like the perfect job. KGW reporter, Devin Haskins, found these tweets, Billy. Listen to this. From Braden Bell in December of 2012, I'm not racist at all, but not going to lie, Asian people piss me off. Ha, ha, ha, ha, hashtag honest. Wow. That's horrible. That's the most racist thing I've ever heard. Raised people piss him off. And he said that almost 15 years ago. I can't list of that guy comment on basketball. How about this one?

Got to give a shout out to all the big girls out there and those closet whores. Hashtag big ups. Wait, we can't say that? That's positive. That's a positive tweet. What is the problem with that? Shit.

You can't say, hey, I appreciate all those women out there who are getting their sexy on out there horrid. All the big girls in the closet ors? Positive tweet. Yeah, this is actually, there's nothing wrong with this tweet. Am I wrong? Not at all. Look at this one.

We got a slut alert on Isle 10. Why is that bad? I thought we don't slut shame. Sluts are good now. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go to aisle 10 and see exactly who he's talking about. Maybe he's talking about his buddy, his buddy, a male.

It could be a man. You're assuming it's a woman. It's actually sexist for them to assume this is against. women. It's assuming it's massages. He could be like, my buddy Johnny, he's a real slut. He loves it. Him and his boyfriend are in a loving relationship and I just saw him in aisle 10. We got a slut alert. Yep. Girls these nights, smacking my head, thirsty for the D. What are these? Is it smacking my head? Do you say smacking my head?

Okay. I'm like, have I been missing? It's a little of both. It's a little of both. Oh, thirsty for the, this guy lost his job because he said, Hashtag girls are thirsty for the D in 2012. These aren't even bad. Braden did end up apologizing, which I don't even think he needs to apologize. He says, I'm deeply sorry for the language I used on Twitter. This is pointless. I'm not even going to read this.

Brayden, you got nothing to apologize for. Wait, he was 15 years old. It was 15 years ago. He was 49 now. So he's a 14-year-old dicking around on Twitter going, oh, these girls are thirsty for the D. and they're going, I'm sorry, we have to ruin your life over this. It's absolutely crazy, dude. At 15, you only even got like a quenching D.

You got a little capri sun in your lap. That's not a quenching D, dude. Well, that's the thing. He's joking. He's a 14-year-old kid joking around on the internet. Oh, look at all these sluts. Oh, look at all these hoars, huh? And then because you left it on your Twitter and you got,

oh, nobody's going to look into my tweets from when I was 14 because that would be fucking insane. Instead, they're like, I'm sorry, when you were 14, you made a joke about sluts. We can't have that. I'll tell you, though, his name's Braden. This is some classic Braden shit. This is some Braden behavior. This is some real Braden behavior.

Dude, I actually think this is a huge problem because we're basically teaching an entire generation of kids to not express themselves, not joke around, not make videos, not make tweets. out of the like horrifying fear that 15 years later you're going to get canceled for basically nothing like I see the I see the way kids kids are like terrified they see all their favorite like YouTubers and shit getting canceled all the time and I think they're growing up like terrified that it's going to happen to them uh so this this is just sick man this is sick if if history repeats itself though he will run the new DC cinematic universe soon I got no problem with that James Gunn's tweets were also not that bad. So I got no problem with that.

Anyway, the problem is this journalist who could have just shut up. I mean, can you imagine a guy gets a job and your first instinct is, I better look up to see if he has any shitty tweets. That's my job. That's what I do as a journalist. Like, you're an asshole. Fucking whoever reported that, who reported this fucking thing? From Devin Haskins.

Fuck that guy. This guy is a jack. He was probably on aisle 10. Dude, it would be one thing, it would even be one thing to look up the tweets for like a guy who's going to become like, I don't know, get like elected to office or something. A guy who's going to be the new announcer for the fucking Portland Trailblazers? What are we doing here? Anyway, guys, that's currently number 236 with 314 up votes. Why don't you go ahead and vote?

You got to vote it up. Vote up all the problems now and never stop. If you don't vote them up, there would be no show you gotta vote for all the problems. Our biggest problem, that show, come on now. Well, Billy, I'm technically the winner from last week, but why don't you start us off? Do you think you could handle that? Yeah. Want to hit us with a problem?

All right. My problem is expectations, all right? Now, bear with me. That's the name of a book. Great expectation. Great expectations. Wasn't that a problem? Yeah.

There was lowered expectations. Lowered expectations. That's a good one. But like when someone has expectations out of you, you're put in a position to fail off the bat, right? Unless you exceed the expectations, you know? Like, like, I could be doing just fine with what I'm doing, but because somebody else expects me to do better, I'm fucked. I'm fucked. I think that's not fair.

that's not fair that the other side of expectations is like people having expectations of you not your own expectations so even your own expectations will are messed up because like there'll be a movie that comes out and like i have no expectations for the movie and i'll go in and watch it and i'll be like this this impress me right because i had no expectations but there's a movie that i know i'm going to want to watch right and i expect it to be really good then i go see it and i'm like I just did not live up to my expectations. It's wrong something that I knew that I was going. I was excited for.

Well, yeah, I mean, it happens to me all the time. You get excited. I was kind of excited I wanted the new Wolverine video game to be good, and it just fucking sucks. So, yeah. What if, what if you had no expectations for it at all? Would it still suck? I mean, I guess it would suck less. It wouldn't, it wouldn't hit me as hard, you know, the way it hit me, where I'm like, ah, this,

I really expected to have, like, a full-fledged adventure. But yeah, I went into it expecting something. So maybe. Imagine if there was no like the Spider-Man game. There was no like Grand Theft Auto, all these big world games, these open world games. And you play Wolverine. It's like, holy shit. Like they blow you away.

Well, that's true. I mean, the fact that if I had played Wolverine for like the first time after coming straight out of like the Nintendo era, you know, then I would have been, we would all be blown away. If we would just finish playing like Super Mario Brothers and then we got, you know, a big AAA whatever game, we'd be like, my God, I'm running around as this guy. So maybe my expectations are unreasonable. You know how good bad sex is if you've only ever had terrible sex? Like, it's not fair. That's a good point.

That's a good point. Every time, every time I'm with a woman, it's like, uh, yeah, yeah, you did a good, you did a good job. If you've just been getting shitty blow jobs and you get like an adequate blow job, it feels incredible. Yeah. Expectations are the thief of joy. But you're so what? Should we just go into every situation, not expecting anything out of it?

I think I think you should prepare for just about anything and expect nothing. I think that I think that's the secret to life. And the problem is there's always going to be expectations and they're never good. We can eliminate expectations. Like you probably expected me to have a better problem. No, look. I said, I'm trying to wrap my head around. on this is like, look, it sounds like the difference between like optimism and pessimism,

you know, the problem with, you know, if you're an optimist about things, you go to everything thinking they're going to be good, that's an expectation. But a lot of the times, you'll be disappointed. If you go into it, expecting it to be bad, you can be pleasantly surprised. Yeah, so I guess lower your expectations? Yeah, is it's a secret? Is high expectations the problem having high expectations? Because you have low expectations, you could be a happy boy.

That's that's the other catch. Like if you have low expectations of everything, do you do you go, do you stop seeking things? Because you just expect everything to be shit. You then become like the pessimist. Is it the pessimist quarrel? And then you stop seeking experiences?

I see. I might be too. What happened you recently? They got you thinking about expectations. Did something happen to you? Is it the expectation? of showing up every week to do a podcast and then Kim start pulling it out from under you constantly. Is that what this is?

That's one. That's definitely one thing. Why do you expect a law cow to be better than a fucking law cow? Why do you expect a complete idiot to not be a complete idiot? At that point, you're setting the idiot up for failure. Well, I mean, I've heard, look, I've talked to you in private. It seems like you expect you've been doing this show. And you're like, well, I expect the audience likes me and everything's going to be fine.

and then a lot of drama comes up and you get caught up in these these shitty situations that you were not expecting so maybe you should maybe expectations are good because then you would expect that shitty things are going to see this is a complicated fucking problem i don't understand if expectations are good or bad or not i i think they're terrible i think we should stop we should stop expecting anything we should just we should but you have that's just part of life how are you not going to expect things i don't think anybody knows what the fuck you're talking about at this point. You'd like,

like, expecting is just when you, okay, when I go to McDonald's and I order a cheeseburger, I expect that when I go to the window, there's going to be a cheeseburger in the bag and not a fucking,

you know, dick. McDonald's, you kind of expect it. You kind of expect it to be like the lowest grade of cheeseburger, right? You expect it to be shit, but you're like,

I want this warm shit. So I think what you're saying, I think your problem is having high expectations. I suppose. I suppose it's high expectations, but it's like it ruins, it ruins everything. Expectations.

Give me an example. Give me an example of something else it ruins. All right. I was expected. I was expected to change my damn shirt before I went to the got to the goth girl trap. And I got to the got to the goth girl trap, but I had a dirty-ass shirt.

And I fucking put piss. If I would have, if I would have just not, they expect me to walk into their place. clean, right? I should just walk in there like a dirty motherbookers. Their expectations are the problem. You should be able to wear a dirty shirt, but other people's expectations of you wearing a clean shirt is the problem? I should be a sloppy. I should be able to be a sloppy piece of shit, Vito. All right. I feel like you came in strong with the expectations. But I

think you have to figure out if it's other people's expectations of you, if it's your expectations of other people. I think in life, they're just our expectations. I don't think it's a big problem. But why are there expectations? Why are their expectations? I just, because in living life, there's just, you project yourself slightly into the future and you go, how will this situation play out?

I expect this will have. Without expectations, there would be no life. You would just do things at random with no idea. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I expect the car to go forward. But life gives you things you don't expect all the time. You should not expect a damn thing. You should just be ready to react to the moment with excellence.

Everything should be reaction. Stop setting yourself up for failure. Stop expecting shit. When you're hungry, go eat. If the food's bad, say, you know, react to it by never eating there again. When you're hungry, just grab a handful of dirt. It doesn't matter. You don't have to expect.

It might taste good. Don't have expectations of it tasting bad. Just go for it. That's how you get poison and stuff. So maybe that's how you get poison. That's why you need expectations, Billy. Shit. Well, I think, uh, I think, uh, you have anything else there for me, Billy?

Food forest. Food for us. I love you, Billy. Here's my problem, Billy. My problem is a commercial. Uh, I don't know if you saw this one. Let me know. you did. This is from Sarah Huckabee

Sanders, who is currently running for governor. And she put out this very exciting commercial to tell us why she should be governor. Have you seen this guy? Do you know this guy?

Yeah. We're going to learn his name. I don't remember his name. Let's find out. Yeah. Oh, you want some of this? Take that. Come on. Matt. Brad. Brad is turned relaxing into a full-time profession. Brad is playing video games.

he is grabbing chips with a they're right next to his hand. Why would he have a chip grabber to grab the bowl from the other side? That comic doesn't it? It's supposed to be on like a high shelf he's trying to grab the chips. All right. Tell me about Brad, Miss Huckabee. But you

actually work hard. You pay taxes to cover welfare for guys like Brad who just choose not to work. Oh, Brad who is currently eating a big jar of cheese balls. The problem, Billy, is that he's on welfare. He's your typical welfare recipient, Brad.

That's why I launched a welfare to work. No, I don't want him working for me, but we'll get to the actual problem. He's busy playing his VR. Now, more Arkansasans are working than ever before. Even Brad. And then at the end, Brad gets a job. Billy, my problem is white guys in commercials. What are we doing here?

When I, okay, look, this has been a problem for a while, where the world has decided, let's be real, they've decided, white guys got everything going on, they're fine. So we can just ridicule them and emasculate them and feminize them and blame them for all the world's woes. And that can translate into the world of television commercials in a way that I did not think possible. Billy, when I say, God, all those welfare recipients

that are taking all the money from the government, Do you think of 20-year-old white guys playing with their VR headset? Is that at the top of your list? The video gamers are the big problem in the world, according to the world of television commercials. How damaging is welfare in the first place, like overall, compared to all of our spending? Is welfare even that big of a fucking deal? It is. It is.

Entitlements. I mean, it's not as big as Social Security, which is the biggest entitlement. People, right? And those are the people who vote. We dare not go after the older people. We dare not target Granny who's going to be eating cat food next month because she can barely pay her ever rising rent with her fucking Social Security check. They won't be there. Well, she'll die before it's gone. But her kids won't get it. You can't attack the Social Security people. And you also, you don't want to be accused of being racist. So when you go, you know, all those guys on welfare, you got to use a 20-year-old white guy eating cheeseballs. I did get some quick stats.

This is, again, Arkansas. She's running for governor. The 2023 welfare data for food stamps say 23% of black households in Arkansas are on food stamps, 9% close to 10% of Latino households, and 8% of white households. But of course you can't have a black guy in the commercial on welfare because that would be, ah, that doesn't feel right. Let's make it a white guy. That'll be fine.

It also applies, though. It's not just political ads, Billy. You ever watch the ad? It'll be like an Asian mom now, or like a, it'll be like a multicultural family. And she goes, you know, I just didn't know what to do about these stains. And then you cut to her white husband and he's like coming through the door with a big bowl of tomato sauce. And he goes, it's spaghetti night. And then he throws it up in the air and it spills all over it.

And he goes, whoopsie, dumpsy. And then, of course, the beautiful multicultural mom, she goes, thankfully I have tied to take care of my stupid white husband's impossible stains. And the white guy is always the pratfall in the commercial billy. Do you know what I'm talking about? No, I get it. Yeah, it's, it seems unfair. Why can't we, why can't we just, you know?

Why can't a black guy spill tomato sauce? all over himself. I live in a world where I like to make fun of black people. Why? How about a black guy? He goes, ooh boy, I just came back from the store with two big buckets of fried chicken.

And he goes, whoa! And he falls backwards, and the chicken lands all over him. And he goes, not the watermelon. Ah! And a big watermelon falls for him.

Whatever. Why not? People would have fun or a Chinese guy. That's why we do white people. That's why we do white people. Can't a Chinese guy come through the door and he goes, I just want some fried noodle. I got noodle at the store.

Oh, no, the, and a big explosion of Chinese noodles. And then his white husband could go, oh, Chang, let's get you cleaned up with bounty tied by men or whatever the fuck it is. Let's see some tide pods together, Chang. Why can't a white guy have the solution in the commercial, you know? I don't think that's a problem. The last white guy with the solution didn't end too well. Okay, well, that was a different solution.

That was a final solution, and we decided against that solution. No more of that. We have to course correct is the problem, Vito. We're on a course correct right now. The craziest thing was back of the day. Do you remember the break-in commercials, the home security commercials, where they go, you got to be on the lookout for burglars. And I said, what do burglars look like?

And they said, well, here's what a burglar looks like. It's a white guy with a beanie cap and a striped shirt. And so my whole life, I kept looking around. I'm like, oh, man, if I see like a white guy wearing like a, you know, a beanie and a, in a striped shirt, I'll know that's a bad guy. And then I would, you know, go through the neighborhoods full of like black and Hispanic teenagers. I'd be like, well, I'm clearly safe here. I don't even got to lock up my bike because there's no white guys wearing striped shirts.

and beanie caps and I'd come back and my bike would be gone. I'd go, I must have missed one. I guess I guess one of them was hiding, you know, because there's no criminal coded people here. It's just nice, regular. All the people here know how to do laundry. So I'm going to be fine. Based on my knowledge of television, everyone in this neighborhood understands Tide Fresh and they put the fucking baking soda in the fridge to get rid of the odors. That's this neighborhood. I don't know who stole my fucking bike. You're not that older than, you're almost as I am, right? Like you're, you're, yeah, yeah, we're about like pretty much the same age.

We're not the same age. Criminals used to be people of color and television when we were growing up. We taught where, when? Oh, all the criminals were people of color. All of them. In what? Where? In all the shows.

I would name one show. Um, copse on cops. Cops. Okay, but that was different. That was reality TV. I don't know, man. I think that there definitely is a course correction right now. We've gone too far.

We can't. Like there was a while where the commercials, they would have a white commercial. They would have a black commercial. And it would get the same commercial filmed for different audiences. And then after a while, they're just like, no more white commercial. We're just going to film for all audiences, aka no white involvement. But then now there is the white push to get. get white people back in commercials and media?

And that's coming from like a different side of the country, I guess. I don't know, man. I'm glad to see white, here's the thing, that's the thing. Okay, so I see these articles and they go, I don't know what people are complaining about. There's still white people in commercials, but anytime I see a white guy in a commercial, he's never like, and the thing about Intel's new data processing software, he's the guy who comes in and he goes, my computer's got a virus on it. I don't know what to do.

And then an Asian guy has got to be like, well, don't worry about it because the new smart technology, you're going to be fine, sir. Like, they're always a bumbling fucking idiot. Never are they the voice of reason. It's always got to be some fucking doofus. That's what it feels like, at least. I don't know. Maybe I'm, maybe I'm biased.

I don't think you're, I don't, I don't watch commercials. Like, I, I haven't seen a commercial in 20 years. All my commercials are, are just barely getting. woken up. It's true that I'm seeing a lot less commercials these days, yeah. I still don't know what color the M&Ms are. It's been 20 years. Last time I remember they made a blue one.

Well, let's be clear. The yellow M&M is white-coated, right? Is it? The yellow M&M is a white guy. He's a big, doofy white guy. And that's why whenever he's like, oh, I don't know what to do, I'm just a stupid M&M, duh. And then the hot green Eminem, which is black-coated, will come in.

And she go, get out the way, yellow Eminem. I'm going to show you how it's done. Okay, so it bleeds over. Even the M&Ms have dumb white people in them. The green Eminem was the sexy Eminem. She was sexy, but they took away her sexy boots. You remember that? The green Eminem had those fuck-me heels that every time you watch the Eminem commercial,

you go, man, one of these days I'm going to fuck that green MMM. I don't know how it's going to happen. I if they if they may okay now we have VR and now we have fucking AI somebody how has nobody made the VR where I can just grab both sides of the green MMM and fucking just tap that fucking brown because inside it's all brown I'm just pump until there's a fudge fountain dude yeah exactly pumping a fudge fountain exactly somebody as some we have the technology to fuck the green m m m and frankly everybody's sleeping Okay.

This is going to be my second problem. I'm just going straight into it because I had two other problems and the dog shit. We need the virtual reality cartoon porn to be better. This is my second problem. I'm just getting out of the way.

Maybe I'll do three. Little interlude. Little interlude. We have the technology to fuck any cartoon character and we're not taking advantage of it. This should be technology off the shelf ready to go. I should be able to go to Best Buy

and on the shelf it should be Grand Theft Auto. It should be Wolverine. And then it should be fuck Starfire from the Teen Titans. And that should be a game I can buy and take home and put in the VR machine and Starfire to go, welcome back to the Titans Tower, Robin. And I go, thank you. Thank you, Starfire, for welcoming me back to Titans Tower. It was a tough mission I was on. She said, it was a tough mission. I'm so sweaty. And then she takes off her clothes. and I fuck Starfire from the Teen Titans. Billy, why is that not a thing? Have you ever been to an anime convention?

Yeah, but those girls are hard to get, man. They don't want to fuck. They just want to dress up. If you become a cosplayer after every convention, there's con orgies. And they all have, like, cosplay sex with each other. All you got to do is figure out a cute cosplay and someone's going to want to fuck it.

Because the idea you have in your head, people want that, but they've done it in real life. They haven't waited for technology to make it happen. Like you can show up as the boy from up. If you show up as the boy from up to a convention, one of those Starfires can be like, hey, come up to my hotel room afterwards. I got people in the comments are going, why Starfire from the Teen Titans? Yeah, why Starfire from the Teen Titans? Look, it's not like she's a teenager in real life,

but she's not going to be a teenager in the video game. But let's be clear that she's a hot alien lady who I want to have. Not this one. Not the one from the fucking little cartoon. That's a different one. Here's the one they're thinking of. Not this one. Fuck, I can't get the picture.

Okay? Not her. Get out of here. Okay? That's, no, no, not this. I'm talking about the fucking stacked alien chick who was running around Titans Tower all the time. going, oh, Cyborg.

What's going on, Cyborg? You know cyborgs tapping that shit. Am I crazy? Did you watch Teen Titans, Billy? I've seen the Teen Titans go. Okay, but don't think about Teen Titans go. I don't want to fuck Teen Titans go. I want to fuck Teen Titans.

That's different. No. No. I haven't seen the other Teen Titans. Jessica Rabbit, right? Jessica Rabbit. The bigger rabbit's a good one. Yeah.

She's really hot. But then why not just fuck Christina Hendricks or the opi's kid? Who's who's the red? Because I also want to go on space adventures. Part of the AI experience is going to be that she goes, in the middle of fucking, she's going to be like, oh, my God, I forgot the zargaxaloids are attacking. And then me and her, there'll be like a VR sequence where I'm shooting lasers. And she goes, wow, you were really good.

You killed so many and there'll be all these fucking dead aliens around me all covered in blood and shit. I should go, that was so hot the way you killed all those fucking guys. Let's just fuck right here on top of all their fucking corpses. And then I'll take this alien broad and I'll bend her over a pile of alien corpses. And that's the fucking video game. We should have. We have the technology. Why are we stuck in the past?

Why am I playing a Wolverine game where Wolverine, he keeps talking to Gene Gray? I'm sorry to keep bringing up the Wolverine game. This is the most recent game I played. And I'm basically, I feel like I'm being cuckolded by Gene Gray. She's like lecturing Wolverine. She's like, I just thought you were more than this. I can't believe you would side with fucking Mr. Sinister or whatever. And the whole time I'm going, how is there not a mini game where I can just have Wolverine bang the shit out of Gene Gray and I'm in charge of it?

Yeah, what do you think is holding us back from that? Society? Yes, it's society. Okay. What would you say those societal expectations are, Vito? Those, that's, it's expectations. Expectations is the problem. Expectations is the problem.

They expect you not to want to fuck the things that they sell to you as sex. Because they know sex sells, but they don't want to sell you the sex. They don't want to sell you the cure, right? They want to sell you the medicine. The medicine is fucking putting a little hot girl in the video game. so you get an illicit reaction while you play your video games. It's because the cure is letting you fuck the cartoon. The cure is letting you fuck.

Okay. If you're worried about school shooters, if you're worried about white supremacists and in-cell killers or whatever, if you gave them a video game, who's another character they would want to fuck? Fuck the girls. How about a video game?

Instead of school shooter video game, it's school squirder video game. And you go inside the school. School squatter. You're a school school school. Your mass squatter situation. Okay. I'm not just superhero examples, but we're talking about Scarlett Johansson.

Okay. If there was an Avengers video game where after you and Thor buddy up and you fight all the guys, you get back to Avengers Tower and then fucking Black Widow goes, Hey, why don't I slide out of this fucking jumpsuit and you can go to town on me? Everyone would buy it. That's the other thing. Everyone would buy it. All these game companies like, we don't have a lot of my job.

company is like, we don't know how to make a dollar when the answer is right in front of your face. How do we sell these VR headsets? How do we just give us a game where I can fuck Black Widow? I can, or let me go into the, let me be watching a movie. Okay, this is a technology that we could add. You're watching your favorite movie. I'm watching, I'm watching Star Wars and Ray Skywalkers on the screen. I go, I wonder what it would be like to fuck Ray Skywalker. And it should be, I should be able to pause the movie at that exact scene. It can map. out the room in VR. Remember the part where she's in like the torture room and the fucking Stormtroopers interrogating her shit? And you go, well, that would be kind of cool. Like,

this is a cool movie, but it would be cool if the Stormtrooper fucked her real quick, you know? And she was like, ah, I can't believe you're doing this to me. Ah, you know? I want to be able to jump in the, and it's not rape because she would kind of be into it a little bit, you know? It's not rape. Like she would use the-Jerio. She wants to be fucked by the Stormtrooper, so she would use the Jedi mind trick to convince the Storm-Truper. trooper that he is raping her when in reality is a coerced consent situation she has engineered. And I want to be able to take that and construct it in VR. And I want to transport my body into it and fuck the shit out of Ray Skywalker in a coerced

consent environment in which she has the control. You know, are you having like suboptimal sex? Like is there is there some sort of sex you're having? Because I feel like just human contact is better than this shit. I want to fuck the green MMM. That's what this comes down to. We all, if there was an M&M, let's put it this way, buy 100 packs of M&Ms and you get a free download to fuck the green MMM.

How many packs of M&M would sell? It would be the ultimate fucking marketing coup of all time. There would be no more M&Ms on the shelf. All right, Vita, check this out. You know Bugs Bunny when he dresses up like the girl? Yeah. Okay, Eminem, the rapper dresses up like a girl. No.

He's done it before. Yeah, okay. Fuck him. Do you fuck that Eminem? I don't want to fuck that Eminem. He's a good rapper. Did I drop, am I back? I don't know if you dropped or what.

I thought maybe I dropped. I have no idea what happened. I thought the stream got pulled or something for a second there where they're like, you're not allowed to talk about this shit. We've upset the fucking upset the, we've upset the fucking gatekeepers. They're going, they figured out that we could just give it to them. And they're trying to stop us. They're like, no.

Okay. They're trying to stop. They came far too close to the truth. Because they're going to do it, right? I don't want to fuck Bugs Bunny as the girl, but I would let girl Bugs Bunny give me a hand job. Okay. Now, I do, I did think about this is that I think we're making some progress. Have you seen Captain America in Marvel Rivals Swimsuit Edition?

Now, I think I have? Let's see. Let's see. So this was a big step forward. And I know some people think I'm covering different ground. No, because this problem is I want to fuck the green M&M. That's a different problem. So they have the game Marvel Rivals where you can play as all the characters. And one of the characters you can play is Captain America.

And they have Swimtime Captain America. And he's got a big swim ring. And then, as you can see, this was in Marvel Rivals, if you put on Captain America swimsuit. He's a virile. He's a super soldier. Of course, his third leg. His third leg is getting, yeah, that's his helmet. That's when Captain America thrusts his mighty crotch. And a lot of people were complaining about this. A lot of people were saying this is like, oh, this is too much. This is over the top. This is what gets us to fucking the green M&M guys. This is a step towards...

Is it? Yes. That's a succulent, like, dinner-sized penis right there. We are one step away from full VR experiences featuring our favorite cartoon and comic characters. Okay, but in order to get there, we have to accept it. It has to go both ways. We have to give the ladies Dick Bulge, Captain America. We have to be, we have to applaud it.

This is like cleavage on a girl. Remember when they started taking away all the cleavage from all the hot chicks and we all, what are you doing? You can't take the cleavage away. The compromise is you're going to give us back the cleavage. We're going to get the big titties on the girls again. And the girls get to have big, big cocklock fucking Captain America. What's the problem with that?

That ain't a problem. Do you think this is for girls? I think this is for gay dudes. It's for both. Everybody gets a little ride on the... I think girls are in of this. Am I crazy? Do girls like the monster?

Fucking Captain America Dong? Look, if it's for gay guys, that's also progress. That's LGBT fucking progress. That's what we're talking about, right? True. So, as long as we're, look, it is, that's what I think I want to express is that everybody thinks if I fuck the green M&M, it's a step backwards in culture. And it's not.

It's a step forward because we all want to fuck the green M&M. Anybody who doesn't want to fuck the green Eminem, okay, but maybe you, but maybe you you're gay. But if you're not gay, you want to fuck the green M&M. And it's not okay. It's not wrong to have a culture where it's okay to fuck the green M&M. Like I don't, I think this wrong. What if you're reading this wrong? What if this entire Captain America bulge is not a bulge in the right direction? What if this is just the next step to them giving black widow a big old fucking dick? And this is all this is, they're not giving black widow a day. I think all this is they want to start giving the women dicks too now. I've seen the way this creeps, dude. I've seen the way this

creeps. They're going to try. going to have a big old black widow. I understand your concern. I understand your concern. Okay? I could see it going that way, but that's why we as the consumer need to rise up and we need to say we have all this new technology, we have all these new possible experiences and you guys are using the craft bullshit.

It's bullshit that they're making. The VR games are bad. What's the best VR game? They made Tetris in VR. Oh, you can play Tetris, you can move blocks around. Let me fuck. A Tetris? A Tetris?

Let me fuck attach a Tetris. Let that four dropper go right in your asshole. Let me fuck Sakura from Naruto. I want the pink hair chick from Naruto. Or Naruto's wife. That weird looking chick who looks blind or whatever. I'd fuck her.

Let me fuck all the ninjas. Or it doesn't even have to be, look, and if it's like a licensing thing, you're like, well, it's a kid's property. We don't want to do that. Okay, there should be close enough. There should be a third party company that goes, listen, we can't let you fuck Naruto's wife,

but we made a chick who basically looks like Naruto's wife and you can fuck her. You know what I'm saying? Maybe that's the future. Maybe we start making pop stars that are porn stars that are just VR fuckables. We got, this is, there aren't our new release of VR fuckables.

Like, because why, why make it after an IP that already exists? Let's create, like, let's create the, is this dated the Bell Delphine of VR? They have the V-tubers, the anime V-tubers or whatever. You know, that could be a thing. Yeah, let's make a line of hyper-sexualized VR fuckables. I just think that, look, we're all going to die to AI anyway. We got maybe 10 years left before the robots take over.

Although maybe the robots, when they decide to enslave us, they'll just put us in the sex matrix because they know we'll probably be pretty happy in there. That would be another thing. How come in those pods in the Matrix was it not like, oh yeah, that guy's in the sex matrix? He just fucks all day long. It generates a lot of heat. What if this is the Sex Matrix? If you look at our world, if we are a simulation, the one thing that keeps this thing going is fucking.

We literally all exist because of the fuck. This might be the Sex Matrix. Well, if we're in the Sex Matrix, frankly, I'm at the lowest tier of it and I want to ascend to the higher tier with more. fucking, my problem is, what, that you got to earn your way up in the sex matrix? Being stuck in the sex matrix that you turn the fucker into burgers and french fries matrix? You turn it into pizza and fucking noodles matrix? I want the see, okay, but I'm thinking about, remember the scene where Seifer wants to get plugged back into the matrix?

If that was realistic, Cypher would go, I want to be somebody important, I want to have a cool job, and I want the green Eminem to be my girlfriend, and I want a fucker whenever I want. That would have been a more realistic scene. He didn't say anything about fucking, and that's why I went, oh, come on, this is not real. He should have said, like, I want 100 girls and I want them all to be big-titty ninja women. Then I would have said, all right, now Seifers talking my language. Now I know what's going on. Did he say he wanted like an unlimited amount of money or something that's basically saying?

No, it's not the same. He should have said, but that's different for being able to fuck the green M&M because you could have all the money in the world. You can't fuck the green M&M. I would tell the Matrix, let me fuck Starfire, let me fuck the green Eminem. at the same time. That's the bottom line. That's the bottom line, Billy. That's the bottom line.

That's the bottom line. Did you have something else to add there? We're worried about fucking cartoons and stuff. I think the technology needs to go the other way. The technology needs, we need to master teladildonics. If we can't fuck cartoons, we need to encourage more women to dress up as cartoons. We need to normalize that. Women will do just about whatever you want them to do if you if they love you know that, right?

If you can make a woman love you. That's that's horrible. That's a horrible idea. I'm not doing that. Are you familiar with Teledildonics? What are Teledildonics? What is that? So it's like a telephone, but instead of a telephone, it's like a piece of a square.

And when you stick your penis inside of one side of the square, it comes. out of the others like there's another square hooked up like it's like little little like okay so it's like a it's like a sex device that it can transmit your penis you stick you stick your penis goes through and then a faux penis appears elsewhere other side there's another one there and the penis in your shape comes through and the the action will move just like it so it's teledildonics and the person on the other side can hold the thing down here and like you could you could be You can be long distance loving somebody you actually care about. They don't really have that technology going now, though, do they?

You're talking about they should have that. It's on the forefront. It's worth the precipice of Teledildonics, Vito. And we're over here wanting to fuck cartoons. I think we need to bring away to fuck the people that actually are there for us. So it says you forgot Nala from Lion King. We're going to be very clear. We're talking about Nala after the time skip.

But yes, Nala from Lion King. Yes, of course. Of course. I think we need to focus on localizing distance between people and having an increasing actual connection through real human beings. That's how we beat the AI overlords

by connecting us further apart. I got to transmit my penis. I got to transmit my penis. Yes. Teledildonics, Vito, it's the future. All right. We have to focus on teladildonics, not cartoons. You're eliminating the humanity out of sex.

And I'm telling you, as fun as that sounds, it gets very lonely. Billy, what's your next problem? I don't know. I don't know anymore. I just think the AI's got us trapped in a hellhole of our own making, and I don't know how to escape from it. They won't give us. They know it, it's true.

They know what our medicine is, and they won't give it to us. It's true. They want to give us the medicine. They don't want to give us the cure. That's the problem. AK says he'll give me a Twitter activated butt plug. That's what I was going to say that's kind of reminding me of, the long-distance sex toys, but I go, what's the point of that?

I mean, that's one step into the future. The Teledilonics butt plug, that's a big deal. But I do believe that there's a future here for us to connect. And one of the problems with the future is my next problem. Yes. Yes. You know, it's genetic editing, all right? Genetic editing.

Yeah, I was watching like a Joe Rogan, right? And Joe Rogan's talking about his buddy who brought. back the dire wolves. Familiar with dire wolves? I have heard this story. Yeah, Dyer Wolves. I mean, Game of Thrones, they were real big. Yeah, they were big old dire wolves. You know why wolves aren't big? Like, why, why we have big cats and not big dogs? Why? Why is that? So to feed a big cat, it takes up a huge range of, like, there's like, I would say like, I can't put the exact number now. It's a huge range of area for the big cat to feed and hunt just to maintain its big cat body, right? Okay. The hunt for a big cat is a big area. Wolves have existed in their

medium-sized form because they're pack animals where a big cat can hunt on its own. It's the king of the jungle. It runs the jungle. The wolves have to share the feed, basically. The dire wolves are gone because it's just, it's not reasonable for big wolves to exist. The pack animal made it so the smaller, more compact version of an animal can thrive as long as they work together and stick together. And with this genetic editing bringing back the dire wolves, which isn't even the dire wolves, by the way, they've edited the gray wolves to give them to resemble the lost species of the dire wolves. But the genetic editing, we're going to start genetic editing out like dwarves. We're going to start genetic editing out giants. We're going to start genetic editing out.

We're going to get rid of giants? Why would we get rid of giants? Why wouldn't we make more giants? Well, I assume it's the same reason that wolves exist. Humans are a pack. They're more tribal. It's not effective. I can understand getting rid of dwarves.

Don't dwarves have a lot of health issues? You know, you probably don't want a dwarf kid, right? I think it would be cool. I would love me. I mean, I'm not saying it wouldn't be cool. It would obviously be cool. There's a lot of circus money that comes along with that. But, you know, you got to end up paying for treatment for the kid's whole fucking life to keep them alive.

With genetic editing, we're probably not going to have, are we not going to have like brown eyes anymore? Are people just going to choose blue eyes? Like, where are we going with the genetic editing situation? I think everybody's going to be seven feet tall. What's the ideal height? Maybe seven feet's too tall. Six foot five.

Six five? Air just says having a dwarf kid is good luck. That's true. And he can help you find pots of gold, which is very helpful. You know, if you see a rainbow, you just send the kid running and I hope you find something good. Who's, but are they doing genetic editing?

Are they, yeah, go ahead. He was finding you gold all the time? He was just finding gold all the time. They're very good at it. That's why that lepracron myth existed. He's so fucking cool. Dwarves are low to the ground where gold can be found, and they have little, their dwarf eyes can see the shine of metal better than regular eyes.

What would you name your dwarf kid? Patty Lumpkin. Okay, yeah, I like that. I like that. Tulo Malley. You know, you gotta give him like a... Patty Lumpkin. Patty Lumpkin!

Come along, we must find the gold. Yes, father. Hoo-hoo! And I teach him to go, ahoo-hoo. You know, I want my dwarf kid to make fun noise. Woo-hoo! It's a... I'm a go-to-go and find the gold of a father.

Hoo-hoo! Kind of sounds like Mario a little bit. With genetic editing, are we going to just edit out everything that makes us interesting? And are we just going to become... What makes this interesting? What are you talking about?

Billy, I'll tell you what they're going to edit out. They're not going to edit out. They're going to edit out the fatties. We're gone. Yeah, we're, we're getting edited out. Everybody with the eating gene is gone. Women love dad bods right now.

Dad bods are more attractive to women than muscles. You know? Yeah. Are they? Well, the reason, I mean, the reason dad bodds, I don't want to get too dark, but dad bods are attractive to women because their first sexual experiences with their father. That's the problem. So we want less of that, Billy.

If a woman's into a dad bod, don't ask like, hey, how was childhood? Okay? That's all I'm saying. Like, did you have a good, did you grow up in a friendly, loving household? I don't think this. I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, it's not. It's because, no, I don't think that's or an uncle or a family friend. I think it's because they're dead. No one naturally becomes attracted. No one naturally becomes attracted to a dad bod. Something bad happens to them at some point. The dads were their first vision of masculinity and safety and nurturing. I guess, maybe.

That's probably why the dad buds, it's a place of comfort. They feel comfortable. And dad buds are way more cuddly than muscle buds, dude. I do think the cuddle factor is big for a lot of women. They want something they can, you know, someone, they want to feel safe. They want a big teddy bear. I get it. They want to feel comfortable, safe.

They want to, they want to know that they have something to grab onto. It's not going to feel cold. Muscles are cold, dude. What do you think about? What do you think about Boogie and his, what's the name of his girlfriend? Desi. Desi. See, I thought for a while that she was an angel of death type figure.

But she hasn't done it yet. I thought that she would kill Boogie to take his, like. She would slowly put poison in his soup and take his vast fortune of magic cards and arcade machines. No, she is very dedicated to this man. Why, though? Is it because Boogie has the ultimate dad? Is he the ultimate daddy? Okay, so Boogie's fucked up, but he understands fucked up people.

He understands fucked up brains. That's why he was the Mr. Rogers of YouTube for so long. he understood how to sell himself as a good guy, right? So when you meet somebody, this Desi, who is young and, you know, she's been through. Are you saying he's tricking her? He's not a good guy or is he a good guy or not? He knows he knows how to comfort her. It's all about comfort.

Okay. It's all about comfort. It's all about comfort. Some men just know how to comfort women. Boogie comforts her, I think. Or she's going to kill him and take his match. I think he, well, I was going to say, like, maybe she doesn't have to do anything. Maybe she just got into the relationship and she's like, well, he'll kill himself anyway.

And then I get all his magic cards. I think she's probably upset that he's on the OZimpe. He's lose some way. She's like, I'm never getting those magic cards now. God damn it. She's in her early 20s, all right? Yeah. I think she might be on to something because most guys in their early 20s are under some weird fuck shit.

I wouldn't want to get an early 20s guy if I was an early 20s. moment. Well, I wouldn't want, yeah. I do think about the guys who try to date people in their 20s and I go, what are you guys going to talk about? Like, fucking stickers, like what? What are Minecraft? Well, luckily, he's into stickers and Minecraft. He is into stickers and Minecraft, so it's working out perfectly for it. He's a maladapted grown man. He's a, he's a child himself. Look, no, dude. Genetic editing. What would it be good, though, when we genetic edit, Haven't you seen the things where it's like, what if we can make a cow that doesn't have a head? And then we could just make a thousand of them hanging up like bags, bags of meat that we just cut meat off of.

And they don't feel. Yeah, and then they don't feel anything. They don't have any emotions. It's just a big growing mass of muscle and tissue. Why do we need to engineer the cow? Can't we just make meat at that point? Can't we just like... I think it is how you make meat.

I think you make an almost a live thing that isn't really alive. Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that how the engineered meat goes? I don't exactly know. I think it would be like a shortcut is you just make these fucking Eldritch abomination fucking like a pig. That's what I'm worried about. That's what I'm worried about, Vito.

They're making fucking dire wolves. We've seen Jurassic Park. Why are they going to stop at dinosaurs? They made the super dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. They made the dinosaurs that never existed that were 10 times more powerful. They started upping the code. we're going to start making headless cows and before we know it we have Eldridge horrors

it's going to happen I think I mean what if we make mutants that would be cool what if we make guys who got like four sets arms and then but the problem is there's not going to be any jobs see genetic editing made sense

before AI was in robots we're going to take all the jobs because now I go now you just make a robot do it you know before I'd go well you can make a guy with like six fucking arms and it could be a Chinese guy and then you can make three times as many iPhones. Like that, you know, you just put them in a factory.

You go, look, we've engineered the perfect man. And all he does is he makes iPhones all day for white people. That I would be happy with. And we'd make them with an indestructible skeleton. So when they throw themselves off the roof of the iPhone factory, they can't die. And then they got to go back to making more iPhones. Yeah. Yeah, what is the, the, the,

genetic edited human being goal like what do we do with that? Well that's what I'm saying is I'm like if I could if you could genetically edit your body what else would you want beyond improving your existence like because okay you want perfect eyesight sure okay you want to not be fat sure

but I'm like like would you want a tail I think I would want a tail if it could grab shit you know probably like a hand tail like it can yeah yeah yeah like imagine you're at the bar and you know

There's like a hot girl and you go up and you slap her ass. And she goes, whoa, did you slap my ass? You go, my hands have a drink in them, ma'am. How could I have possibly slapped your ass? And you hide your little hand tail back under your shirt. Do monkeys do that? Do monkeys actually do that? All the time.

All the time. Monkeys do use their tails as hands. Go to the zoo, watch any nature video. It's all grab ass, slap ass. I mean, that's why we want to do it, but we're not supposed to do it. Yeah. I've seen it in cartoons, I guess. Every woman a big, fat Latina ass, you know?

We should take the best of all the races. You get the ass from the Latinas. Maybe the breasts of the black community are pretty good, I think. Who's got the best breasts? Might be Hispanic women, though. Hispanic women get big. You know, you know, it's the Israelis. Or the Armenians.

The Israelis are the Armenians. Armenians, they have tremendous boobs, tremendous boobs. Of course, beautiful Asian features in the face. The perfect little, the Koreans, the South Korean women, okay? That's what we need to genetically engineer. We need to fix the South Korean eyelid. You can't say this shit, dude. You can't say this.

Yes, you can. Yes, you can. We have to fix the, yes, because everyone in South Korea does it. Billy, do you know this? Everyone in South Korea, you're in South Korea, you're born with the double eyelids. So you have this, you fucking monster eyes, okay? This is the natural Korean eyes. Monster eyes?

Yeah, they have two eyelids, which is why they look like they fucking, they look like rock monsters. Because it looks like their eyes are sunken into a layer of rock. But then like 90% of South Korean women, you get the first layer of eyelid removed. And then you got perfect doll eyes hiding behind the monster eyes. I don't think we're allowed to say this. This is the most popular thing. Everyone in Korea does this. Look, Blufferoplasty.

Yes, Blufaroplasti in South Korea. It is the most popular form of plastic surgery in South Korea. Look, before the Asian guy looked like a sneaky Asian guy. Like, ooh, I'm going to come. I know we can't say this. I know we can't see. He looks a little sneaky. That's why they had the negative stereotype.

It's not that they are sneaky, but they look sneaky. Now you get the surgery and I go, that's not a sneaky guy. That's a fun guy. That guy's not going to sneak around and pee pee pee in my Coke. I'm going to be fine. That guy was not Korean that peed in the Coke. You know that, right? I know, but I'm saying like, you know, I think in America, when we talk about they go pee pee pee in the Coke, we know it's all Asian races are going pee pee in the Coke.

We do not discern well with our American culture. We do lump everybody together. This would be the first thing that we need to deal with. Okay, so this is why genetic engineering, think about how much money the Koreans are going to save and we can just get rid of their stupid double eyelid and we can get rid of their monster eyes immediately. And they can just immediately be beautiful. Why are there no before-after?

I can't find these before-afters. The before-after button at the top? It didn't bring you there? What are some other? What are some other races that have hideous features that could be erased, Billy? Go, you surely you have some. I think all races have ideals of beauty. How about, how about, how about this?

How about the normally beautiful redheads? And then every once in a while, you get one of those crispy gingers. Tell me this guy didn't look sneaky before. Doesn't this look like a guy? Like, this looks like a guy who if you went outside and he was crunch, hunched over in the alley eating a thing of fried rice, you'd be like, what is this fucker doing?

But if I saw this guy hanging out on the alley eating fried rice, I'd be like, ah, he's fine. That guy's fine. Okay? It's the double eyelid surgery. It's the most popular cosmetic procedure in South Korea. So that is something where genetic engineering would be a positive to fix the double eyelid.

And they know it's a problem because they're all getting the fucking cosmetic procedure. It's that racist to say it. They're doing it, Billy. It is a popular cosmetic procedure. The number one. The number one. Let's be real.

You know, and this is, maybe this is a stereotype, okay, but the Jewish nose is a bit, it's a bit long, you know, a prominent proboscis. It's a prominent nose. It's a prominent nose. Okay. It's got that hump. Okay. So one of the most popular things for Jewish women. He got to shave the hump down and get the perfect smooth arc.

You've seen Ben Shapiro's sister, right? Did she get it? Did she get? She's got that before nose. And I don't care. She's got a before nose? Let me take a look. She got she got, she got those big old bitties.

She got those big old tiggies, dude. I don't care about her nose. She does. She does have a before nose. I'm not going to lie. That is a big before nose. I don't need her to change. I don't need her to.

change it all. I don't need her to change it all. This is a before. I mean, look, I'm not saying, you know, I don't got a, I don't got a big problem with it. If she said it bothered her and she wanted to change it, I'd go, I understand why, you know, it's not like I can say, you know, don't do it. You have a beautiful nose. I'd say, yeah, I get it. Why are all these pictures cutting out her most serviceable assets? I'm trying to get downloaded. Look at that Jewish star. Man, Can you imagine that thing disappearing between the foes? Those two children are so well educated. They're so well.

I guess I don't know. Those Shapiro's do so well. They do so well. And the daughter, Abigail Shapiro's got Gaga boobs. They're huge. Massive. Here's a full. I think this is a full.

Oh, my God. Is this her? This can't be her. I'm just looking at the star on. Is that her? Oh my God. From the manlit support group. The manlit support group.

Y'all think Ben Shapiro's sister is beautiful. Look, I knew she had big ones. I haven't really took a look. She's a very well put together woman. Shout out to Abigail. This can't be. That's when she's pregnant. This is Photoshop.

When you're pregnant, you get milky. Though that's real. When you're pregnant, you get big milkeys. You get big milks. You get the milk. Is she pregnant at some point? Because those are fucking huge. She's pregnant right there.

You can see her tum-tum. She's got a pregnancy belly and pregnancy boobies. JSD-BLD says I'll fight for Israel if she's by my side. So look, we're talking about genetic engineering. We didn't even talk about engineering the big titties. We didn't even talk about it. I don't think this is a problem. I think you've literally hit on a solution.

I think we've found the way to make, oh, let's put it this way. I don't have to fuck the green M&M if I can make the green M&M in real life. If I can make a woman. That's why it's a problem. That's why it's a problem. You're over here genetic engineering green M&Ms for you to bang. That's a problem. We don't stop where we need to stop.

It's not going to stop with, okay, we're going to make sure there's no blind children. Like that would be, I don't think there should be blind children if we can help it, right? Am I wrong about that? I don't know. I just feel like if we can fix a child from being born blind, of course we want to edit its DNA. But then when you start turn them into a green M&Ms, they grow up to be your masterpiece. That's fucked. I'm going to genetically engineer a race of perfectly round women.

Okay? They're going to be perfectly round. Maybe I'll stick some tities on the front. I always thought the green M&M should have titties. And they're going to have these nice long leg, nice wrong legs, perfectly round body, huge eyes. Just disgusting saucer eyes. And Billy, you're going to take one look at these women. You're going to go, I was wrong.

And Vito was right. Vito, what part of their brain do you have to edit for them to want to fuck you? I'm going to fill that bitch with Skittles. I'm a fucking, I'm going to shoot a load of fucking nerds inside that lady. Body like an M&M, brain like some Skittles. She got that body like that M&M. Tis like Ben Shapiro's sister. Pompom, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

We got to make the perfect woman song. She, my perfect woman. And the whole time I'm describing this horrible monster. And everyone around me is looking like, no, what is this? She don't probably, she got them long legs, round, like an M&M full of chocolate. Big fucking alien eyes. She's my perfect woman. And Billy her butthole for Enter only.

She will never fart her poop. I only use it for, but fucking. She can't out fart her poop Cause she's not allowed to eat Except for the nutrition paste She needs to keep alive And it keeps cutting to you in the DJ booth It's like a Vito and Billy track

And you're no, but you're like You start off the video You're all like excited for the song But as it goes on You keep going, wait, what did you just fucking say? She my perfect woman Keep her in a cage with 50 other women Of the same building body type

and they're not allowed to think or they get a shock and they just go, stop, stop. What are you doing? I feel like the only reason you don't have a woman in a bunker under your places because you're too lazy. I'm too lazy and also anytime I shove a woman in the M&M shaped mold, it just doesn't seem to work out the way I want. I go, surely this will be the one. Surely this will be the one. So that's why you eat so much.

You're trying to turn into an M&M. You look like a yellow M&M right now. That's what I want. I would be the, I am always the yellow M&M and the fantasy. And sometimes what's the other lady M&M? What's the, isn't the blue one a lady too?

Blue M&M? Oh, no, is it? I thought the brown one was. Maybe it's the, oh, you know, the blue one's another white guy. No, the blue one's clearly a black guy.

Okay, hold on. The blue one is the one. See, the blue one's your competition in the M&M world. The blue one is fucking. for days. Yeah, the blue one fucks. Really? Dude, when he gives him those eyes, he's fucking, the red

and the yellow one are just goofing around. The blue one's fucking. Brown Eminem character. Is the brown Eminem has glasses, right? Oh, yeah. Wait, we forgot about the brown Eminem. I forgot about this. Shit. Yeah, I want

both. I want both. I want both for different occasions. See, that's what she was wearing the fuck me heels. She used to wear the fuck me heels. And then her like fucking. See, she's great because she's DTF. You know, you go over. She's like, oh, we're going to have some fun. We have some fun, daddy. And there are

friends there and you go, you want to have some fun? She goes, I don't know. I don't know if I like, you're kind of fun. And you go, oh, yeah, well, watch this. And then you start making out with the green Eminem and the brown Eminem. She's like, oh, maybe I want in on this. And you got a two for going. Problem is, problem is, Billy. And she leaves you for a package of Rolos?

Once you start getting into it, though, the second The blue Eminem rolls in, it's over and you're cucked. The blue Eminem is the fucking cuck master. And he goes, why don't you sit down, white boy? I'm a fuck both these M&Ms. How can you be cucked by Eminem's? Can you just grab a handful of them and eat them right in front of like like? Well, all of this, Billy, is covered in my new novel, The Land of Chocolate.

That is an autobiographical story that I've been working on. It's 2,000 pages and it is included with every copy of Superkiller. I hope you're all looking. Can we please move on? Are we still talking about the green? All right, that's it. To spoil the land of chocolate, Vito at the end gets canceled for handing out a bunch of Hershey kisses on Halloween. And also for making all the Korean women get rid of the monolid and fixing all the noses.

All right. We both did too. We can call it Billy. Thanks for coming on the show, buddy. Where do we find you? at Billy the Fridge on iTunes, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Spotify, on the Wheaties box. You're all over the place. Where should I expect to find you, Billy?

On the internet. Watch me on the Ristic Study Hall, Magic the Gathering podcast. That's true, guys. We should record another episode tomorrow. We do it every Saturday. If you guys ever want some magic, the gathering action, don't forget to check out the Ristic Study Hall, where I taught, we talked about, I did clickbait a little bit. The canceled Star Trek magic cards. My God, my God. Got some good views. We did get some good views. Six thousand's way there in the last one. Last one we had like 1,000 views. So I'm good at the clickbait. Let's do a couple of voicemails here.

Hi, Vito. I think the biggest problem in the universe is never ending construction. Every single fucking day. on my way to and from work, I see these traffic cones and no fucking constructions ever done. All right, thanks. Fuck you. Bye. It, uh,

just getting any detour. I do get mad when they put up the cones. When you're like, man, especially in L.A. They'll, like, shut down, like, the freeway on ramp. And you go, well, now how the fuck do I get home? I got to drive, like, a mile around the ghetto to get on the fucking freeway.

You don't pisses me off? What pisses you off, Billy? When, when I go out of my way to, make sure I miss where all the construction is. And then one day I'm randomly where all the construction is and it's gone. I don't know how long I've been going out of my way to miss the construction, knowing that it had been done for who knows how long. Like, son of a bitch, why did nobody tell me that the construction was done?

Did you ever watch this video, Billy, of, uh, let me see if this is the full video. This man, and here's the thing, everybody watches this video and they go, I can't understand getting that mad. And I go, now I kind of get it. I kind of get it. So this guy was driving around Portland. You ever see this video? I think so.

Was this a wild's a rainforest parade? His anger boiling over. They got it all blocked off. The convention center exit. The convention center exit. Every motherfucker. You put it. He's yelling at all the construction guys.

Who have all the construction blocked off. So he finds it's construction, but here's the thing. Metschum and plowing through traffic cones and blowing past crews blocking a highway exit ramp. This is a good move. Bystanders sent running as the Chevy avalanche lumbers onto the parade route. Thankfully, no one was injured. We would have been the first victim. So he ended up driving through a parade.

I think he got like six years in prison for this. And the worst part is dude, hey man, uh, if you got a dash cam and you just recorded yourself almost running over a fucking parade, maybe take the SD card out of the camera and toss it. So there's not video evidence of all of it. Like, dude, you could just see the panic on this guy's face where he's like, well, I've desperately fucked up here and almost ran over a whole parade full of people. There was a cop on a motorcycle right there, wasn't there? Yeah, dude.

Like literally the cops were pulling up to him being like pull over. Somehow he got away from the cops for like a second. But they managed to get him before he got out of town. Dude, this is a crazy video. But that's the thing is I go, man, I get it. When all the exits are blocked off for some stupid parade, I get pissed too. I'm like, I think you should have got a slap on the wrist. The judge should have been like, well, I mean, I understand.

You must have been a little bit pissed off. How many children have to run from you before you realize you've gone too far away? Look, I understand the kids are trying to have fun, but like, do they have to take over the whole fucking city? Maybe the parade. You could have a couple things. All right. We got another voicemail here. Let's see.

Hey, Vito, the biggest problem in the universe is when you put toothpaste on your toothbrush, and then you go to wet it, and then you just knock all the toothpaste off your toothbrush, and then you're like, man, I should just kill myself. I don't know if I've got to the, man, I should just end it all. I'm a toothpaste squisher though, Billy. Are you a squisher? What is that? I put the toothpaste on the brush and then I take my finger and I push down a little bit to like get it in there.

Really? Yeah. What does that do? It just makes it so it doesn't fall off. It gets it like on the bristle to make sure it's like in place. I just take the toothpaste and I put it, I push it, I press it hard enough where it's, it slides across the brush and it won't go anywhere. If you press it I press down a little

I press down a little If you press down It won't go anywhere I don't know what you're talking about My way is perfect You can't have a top heavy My way is perfect You can have a top heavy

You can have a top heavy Lop of toothpaste It has to be squeezed pressed It has to be a thinner line You don't need a whole Fancy fuck load of toothpaste What flavor toothpaste do you use

Fucking mint or something I don't know I was gonna say my other problem I think is I'm always like Am I supposed to try? They have like orange toothpaste, you know? I'm like, would I enjoy that more?

But I guess I'm okay with the mint. I guess it works out. They should have an M&M-N-M-flavored toothpaste so I can pretend that the green M&M is squirting all over my brush. It's Anity for two. It says the countdown strikes again. Thank you, entity. A.K. for five.

Billy Boy, is Vito exploiting you? Billy, are you exploited? I'm just a little boy. I am exploiting your labor a little bit, though. I'm not going to lie. When you're like, oh, man, lool cow is over. I'm like, good. I got Billy back.

Billy's back of the saddle. I'm tired of you doing this little cow shit. You need to focus on the Magic Card podcast. That's the bread and butter. That's what's going to put us at the top. I do want to run the Magic Card podcast game. And I don't think we can do it because we are fat shits who eat on stream. We need a hot chick.

We need a chick for the podcast. Yeah, we're looking for a hot chick to make us more. desirable to magic uh there's what we figured out about which is the coast anytime wizard the coast promotes another creator it is a multi-diversity

enclave of women and LGBT positive people and then I go because I apply they have the creator badge MagicCon Detroit they go you can apply for a creator badge you go yeah I do a little podcast called Ristic Study Hall and they go what is it I go

it's two white guys talking about magic cards and they go yeah you're not getting a creator badge buddy So we need to, I think one of us has to transition, Billy. How about we tell him we're LGBTQ? We could be a little LGBTQ. Maybe we could, what if we kissed at the end of every episode? And then we could send that to them. Large guy barbecue.

Large guy barbecue. We're LGBTQ. And Mike confused me. At the end of every episode, we should express our love for each other. And I'll have an animation of us kissing. We don't actually have to kiss. It could be AI. Yeah.

And then I can send that to Wizards. and I can go, we're sensitive. This is a LGBT friendly podcast about two gay lovers. God, that's a good, God, that's a good pitch. Billy, will you be my gay lovers so we can get sponsored by the Magic Card? For Magic Cards? Fuck, yeah, dude. For Magic Cards, yeah.

I'm gay for Magic Cards, dude. 100%. Me and Billy just want free magic cards. Speaking of free magic cards, I do think real quick we should check in with our other favorite magic card podcast. What do you think about that, Billy? Oh, yeah. I think we should check in on our boys.

Ringers. I thought I had the soul ringers. Let's go. Somebody, look, somebody needs, I need somebody who, one of you guys in the audience must be friendly with Maddox on some level. I don't know what it is, but tell Maddox. It's not a goof. Me and Billy want to talk to Maddox and Chad about magic cards.

It is very important to us. It would be a fun show. I will say I'm very happy that they are, you see that they're putting together these loving studio setups. And then me and you just have the shitty Zoom show and we're getting better views half the time. Lizzie Maddox, I know how to get clicks. I know how to get clicks.

We got better banter. I am like, we got to beat Soul Ringers. We got to beat Soul Ringers. Let's see. They talked about, is any of this interesting, though? The worst problem with trying to watch Soul Ringers content. is that it really is two guys who don't know how to play magic, talking about magic badly.

It's so weird. This is how we're going to get him to be on our magic podcast. I'm just saying Maddox, me and Billy, look, I love you guys, but sometimes they'll be like, okay, let me give you an example, Billy. On a recent episode, here's something Chad actually asked Maddox. He said, do they still have interrupts? No, they don't. Billy, they haven't had interrupts for like 15, 20 years.

When's the last time they had an interrupt? Sixth edition. That's not a question that any normal magic player would ever. Do they still have interrupts? No, of course not. They were taking out of the rules like 15 years ago. So I'm just saying, look, you guys got good energy. You got a good setup.

We like you guys. But you need me and Billy there. So when you ask, do they still have interrupts? We can go, no, they don't have interrupts. You guys. We just want to play magic cards with you. You could potentially impulse draw like 15 or plus. It should be a head-to-head competition.

That's why we're allowed to talk a little bit of smack. We're talking smack because we want to challenge you guys to a two-headed giant commander game. Me and Billy versus fucking Maddox and Chad. That's it. Let's go. You guys can talk your shit. We can talk our shit because we do like you. But we think we're better at magic than you.

And we think we know more about magic than you. I think I'm better at magic than everyone. And when you have these creatures. in red like Storm Killing artist is a classic creature. It's not a classic creature. It's from like three years ago but sure. That basically reimburses you for these

impulse draws. Every one you cast it's creating an additional, it's creating a treasure token. Then you have like Bergey. Yeah. Orgy God, whatever, where you cast a spell gives you a red man a back and then you have Runaway Steam Kieln where every three Okay, I got to be real.

Rewis Steem Kieln is good, dude. First of all, he keeps getting the name wrong. Is that runaway steam killing this runaway steam kin. But the fact that Maddox referenced runaway steamkin, which is on my list of red sleeper engines, just bottom a lot of points. A lot of people are soaking on the runway steamkin.

You got the three plus one counters on it. Now, if you have these three creatures, or even just two of them out on the battlefield, a lot of impulse draw effects only cost two. And the reason people don't like this effect is because it leads... All right, this is terrible. It's not terrible, but it makes no sense for this show.

Everybody watching is going, what the fuck is this? Me and Billy are going, hmm. What does Maddox murdering around for? That's what Fat Billy and Fat Vito do. Point is, I need someone. Someone just tell Maddox, look, I goof on Maddox because, again, his podcast host asked if interrupts are still in Magic. I've been to Magic 15 years. He also said, why is White doing direct damage to attacking creatures, Billy?

Remember that? I was like, Maddo, what are we doing that? I immediately was like, we always do that. We always do that. I say some stupid shit on the Magic podcast. I got Nissa mixed up with what's her name, Vivian Reed on a recent episode. Vivian Reed, yeah, yeah. A comment was taking me to task.

So someone did call you out on that. Green Plainswalkers look the same to me because I'm racist. That's terrible. That's terrible. You have it. So we got to get, we have an unfortunate relationship with the color pie, Vito. I have an unfortunate relation with the color pie. All the greens look the same to me.

Look. Two-headed giant. Commander tournament, me and Billy versus Chad. I want it to happen. It will be lighthearted. It will be fun. And guys, let's be real, guys. I think both of us looking at the view numbers, let's be clear, 3,000 views.

Come on. What do we do? 5,000 views. This is the same as us. Maddox's video on how to shuffle only got 700 views. Maddox, we can get the views up with a little bit. 36 land cards. Are you seven?

Can you imagine spending, can you imagine spending 28 minutes of Maddox telling you how to shuffle cards? This video should be two minutes long. Resource cards and 63 other. So clearly you have a pretty good distribution with honestly any of these hands you start out the game with. Even with these ones. Is this the whole video is just a table with him shuffling cards? Maddox, why did you make this 25 minutes long? It'll be a friendly commander game.

We're talking a little bit of shit. You guys should talk a little bit of shit back. That's the format. Okay. Soul ringers versus Ristic Study Hall. I'm throwing the gauntlet down. Billy, are you in? Let's go.

Let's go. We'll play some magic with Maddox and Chad. So ringers. I love Maddox and Chad. Even though they say insane things. L.J. Claiborino, Five. Biggest problem is flies and gnats at home. Where the fuck do these little NFs come from?

I don't know, man. Daddy flies? I started getting names. And I was trying to figure out where the ants were coming from. And I couldn't figure it. I'm like, normally you can follow the trail back, but I couldn't. I actually have a spider in the bathroom now. And I've decided to, normally I'm like, I don't want this guy in here.

I've kind of got like a friendly spider buddy now who's just hanging out, getting rid of flies and shit. I see him in there and he's a big boy. And I'm like, all right, man. Hey, you keep doing work. You can continue to live. I got no problem. Cleansing the Pests 1488.com. That is the price of the mosquito killer.

buttered bloodstice for five Carl's looking a little different this week looks like talking to Vito every week is really taking its toll Billy both you and I I know we didn't talk about it I thought about bringing it up as a problem me and you are both doing a little bit of the

GLP one a little bit of the weight loss I was going to say you look like you've lost you do look here in the face I've dropped like 30 pounds Do you feel like you look a little thinner? How much? Yeah, 30 pounds How much did you lose?

30 pounds this month Yeah That's crazy I mean but you are starting from It's interesting because on camera Like your weight doesn't show on camera very much It's when you get the full body shot Everyone goes oh I guess he is Billy the fridge

That is But even Boogie I think Isn't Boogie under 300 now Like everybody's losing I don't think he's under 300 He's at the lower 300's though Boogie has been on it for a while It's pretty sweet

I don't know if you guys are morbidly obese And can get your hands on some try Zepitides, Zepounder, whatever, you can get it online, backdoor shit. Just fucking pump your body full of trizipatides, and then you'll eat a sandwich and be full. I've been working on a bowl of Chipotle all day today. I've been eating the same apple and throwing it up over the past several hours, which is why maybe my energy on this episode is a little weird. I'm like, oh, God, I feel fucking sick.

But I will say this, bro. I don't, I've always. I've always had a, it's not interesting, but I get nasal drip. I have a big problem with nasal drip. So whatever's in my nose drips down on my throat and then it's gross. I will say I've had a lot of people be like, oh, Vito, we want to do the weight loss. Again, we want to do weight loss. So I thought of something I can.

I have now the ability to use my cell phone as a camera. So if you guys wanted, it might take me a second to set it up because I got to clean up my house. So I don't want to walk through my dirty house. It's got to look nice. But if we get $100 in Super Chats, moving forward, if the chat demands it, we can do the Vito weigh-in. And I will take you guys into the bathroom with no door. We will go on the scale and we will get Vito's weight.

But we got to get to $100 in super chats, not on this episode. Maybe next episode we can start it off. Let me know in the comments. If you want to track my weight loss journey, along with me. I've also had people ask for a wheel of punishments if I don't lose enough weight. I don't know how the fuck that would be structured.

But maybe we can think of something. But I know everybody is deeply invested in veto losing the weight and becoming the Ultraman. Billy's already down 30 pounds. So I think I'm down like eight pounds maybe. I didn't have as much to lose as you. It is starting to pick up. It is looking good.

I upped my dosage. I know a lot of people are saying I'm cheating by using the pills. but they work. They work. What can you do? If it works, it works. You should cheat.

You should cheat. A lot of life is about taking whatever. If something works, that's what I don't understand. They're like, well, why don't you just have more discipline? I go, well, there's an injection that gives me discipline. So why don't I just fucking do that? That's actually easier and makes it. We mean discipline.

This proves there was a chemical imbalance. A.K. VODG supports segregation. I don't think so. No, no, I don't. Let me see here for Super Chats. We got Jack Rockstar for five. Billy's out of something with the expectations. If you do something nice for someone enough,

stops becoming special and becomes something expected, that sucks. That's a good example. Exactly. Expectations ruin that shit. Ruin that shit. Like if you bring somebody coffee every week as like a friendly thing, and then they go, hey, where's my coffee? That's a Pavlov's dog conditioning, though.

You rang the bell. Where's my food? Okay. A.K. for two. I will gift Vito a Twitter activated butt plug. For $500 in Super Chats, I will insert the Twitter activated butt plug and give whoever donated the 500 bucks a one-time access to ravage my asshole. Well, yeah, each time they pay.

How about every time someone sends a 20, it gets jolted? In the middle of the show, in the middle of the show? Yep, yep. I will try. We could do one show where every 50, it's got to be at least 50 bucks of them getting a fucking butt plug shock. I will go a whole show getting zapped in the butthole, 50 bucks a shot. 20 bucks a shot to buzz my asshole? Come on.

That's fucking cheap. I'll see if super tips can integrate that. We've got to get super tips on here. L.J. Clauberino says bring back veto being veto on Twitter. I mean, that needs to be, maybe Carl can handle that segment if we get more Carl. That segment requires research. Orange Mint for five, you know, just sitting at the bar with his handtail flicking around sounds terrifying.

I want a hand tail. When you see a monkey hanging from a tree by its tail and the monkey can just like hang out with his hands and wave and shit, like, isn't that pretty cool? You're like, man, I wish I felt like that was a cartoon thing, but I guess that's true. I think they do in real life. It depends on the monkey. If it's a real heavy monkey, they don't hang from the tail. But the little guys will do it. Yeah.

Vito, LJ Clubbrenor Vivido's Frankenstein's a mutant green Eminem. The only thing you could say is I consent. Yeah, it's like a, I'm going to make a Pokemon, and the Pokemon's name is I consent. So you go, hey, I consent. Can I have sex with you? I consent. I consent. Well, he says he consents.

That's the problem. He just trying to mix M&M with C and C. That's why it was always stupid that the Pokemon can only say their own name. There's the stupidest thing in the world. So you're telling me every Pokemon came out saying Charmander? Does the Charmander know what a salamander is? Does it know what charcoal is? What if every Pokemon has been beaten adversely the same way Hodor in Game of Thrones was like mentally destroyed?

There is no explanation that makes any sense. Is Hoddo or Pokemon? Hodor might be a Pokemon. Hodel. In the original game, they just made different noises, you know? If you play the Game Boy game, remember they all had a unique scream. They were all kind of screaming noises, though. When you encountered a Pokemon, it would show up and would go,

and you're like, oh, hey, that's a Pidgee. A Pidgey makes that noise. When they decided every Pokemon just says its name like a retarded kid over and over, Brian, Brian, you went, well, that's fucking weird. I don't like that at all. think the Pokemon are retarded and I don't want them to be retarded because I'm forcing them to fight each other. It's kind of sick. What about people who want to fuck Pokemon? Is that, is that okay?

They make fuckable Pokemon though. Like I can't even, I can't even be mad at them when they make a Pokemon that is clearly designed to fight. Like Victory Bell? No, not Victory Bell. Why did you go to Victory Bell? No, it's not. I've seen Victory Bell. She's got like a skirt. This is the one that everybody wants to fuck. You can buy this from the official Pokemon store, Billy. I don't know if you. you've seen this. The guardivore 63-inch poca plush. Is this what you were thinking of? Lou punny? Low punny. You could also fuck.

I don't want to stay connected to the Pokemon Center. And look, again, this is another example of you can't, this is an example of when you should have a white guy in the commercial. You're telling me a little Asian lady is just like, there's my guardivore. I love my guardivore. No, it's a sweaty, weird dude who's got it in his bed, covered in probably his own fucking fecal matter

and he's humping the shit out of the fucking thing. Which way, Western man? Gardivore or god of war? I can't be mad at guys for fucking their Pokemon when the Pokemon company is making a Pokemon that is clearly designed to be fucked. Could you just search Victory Bell? Could you just search Victory Bell?

I'll search Victory Bell here. Victory Bell. Victory Bell is not... Okay, wait, maybe Victory Bill. I get what you're saying now. Here is the Pokemon Victory Bell. This is it. It's got teeth, dude. What are you talking about?

Just pop a load in that fucking thing, dude. Am I wrong? I think the one right below it is even more fleshlighty. Hold on. Which one? This one? No, no, the evolution below it, I think. I don't know the other name.

It goes victory bell and then it evolves. Wait, did Victory? Bell evolve into Bell awesome? Is that it? No, the one, I don't know what the name below it is. It's even more like a flesh night. You don't want to fuck this little, you don't want to fuck this little plant thing? Okay, look, you nasty.

All right, look, look. Yeah. She got, she, I like, I like the dress. I like the skirt. But it's the little fucking weeping bell. Weeping bell is what I'm thinking. Thank you, Ryan. Weeping bell.

Weeping bell. Hold on, hold on. Even more, even more bangable than victory. Hell. Yeah, dude. Okay, this one doesn't have the teeth. That doesn't have the teeth. Come on, come on, Papa.

Now I want to see if I can find this website real quick. The problem is I don't know what I can show on. I have to be careful about what I show on here. You better be careful, you know. I have to be careful. What is the name? Is it Don't show your search history. Yeah.

Yeah, well, that's another fucking concern. Okay, so there's this company. I'll show this for two seconds. I forget what I was looking for. I think when I was trying to make super killer shit, you know, a lot of it obviously I made, I got Chinese stuff. Donyan shunin toys and they make these little like inflatable, like an inflatable snow globe or like an inflatable swimming pool, right?

And I have to take it off screen now while I take a look. because for a while they were yeah here we go this I think I can show this is one of my most I find this fascinating because they used to have images of like the workers posing next to them all the furries found out that they can go to this company that makes like inflatable mascots and like the wild waving

inflatable tube man and they're going can you make my custom Pokemon character into a giant look at the size of this fucking thing. What? And dude, yeah, but here's the thing. It has like a hole to fuck it. It has a couple different holes to fuck it. The best ones would be like it would be the lady who made it like the Chinese lady.

And she'd go, here's the giant horrifying furry inflatable sex doll we made. But, uh, yeah, look at this guy. Is he crawling inside the fucking thing? Right now a Chinese man is climbing on top of what looks like it did. So these rich, remember, the furries are rich. So they're paying like probably $30,000 for a custom inflatable monster doll that they can have sex with. And once they make the mold, the Chinese company goes, well, we have the mold.

So if anyone else wants one. And then they just have videos of the Chinese factory workers crawling all over the fucking inflatable Pokemon going, yeah, I mean, you could fuck this part. If you want, you could probably fuck this part. I don't know. So if you ever want to look at truly horrifying shit, just go on Alibaba and search the inflatable manufacturers and see what the furries have come up with. Like every week there's some new horrifying thing. It'll be like a My Little Pony with giant tits.

And you go, oh my God, somebody paid $20,000 for that. But I can't show it on YouTube. Like a lot of this shit is like, it literally is a my little pony with giant tits. And I think we would get in trouble if I showed it off. Okay. Yeah. At some point I got to show the urinal suit. The urinal suit was one of my favorite things.

The guy made an entire, the urinal suit was for a gay guy who liked going to the gay club, but he wanted to get pissed on, you know, as you do at the gay club. So he had a suit made. Let me see if I could find the inflatable urinal suit. Oh, man. This was a deep dive. I'd have to find another time. But basically it's him and his face is where you would pee.

and then he's like a giant urinal with arms and legs going, pay on me, pay on my face, I'm a urinal. And then the hole for the face, it would go into the suit and then the suit would fill up with urine at the gay club. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to the fucking green M&M, my dude. There's no reason why you can't fucking green M&M. If the gay guys are making pee-P suits, I should be able to fuck the green M&M.

That's all I'm saying. Can we just make a line of S&Ms? me and my buddy have written an entire comedy sketch about a guy in the urinal suit who's just doing it we might have it we've called the character pissy pissy the human urinal we're working on that sketch i biddo for one thank you i biddo let's see if there's any more superchats here i think we got some ola five for five the biggest problem is regular people's cars that look like cop cars bro hate that i think i brought that up briefly when me and dick were rapid firing all the problems we

We never did. I have that on my list. Cars that look like cop cars. It's bullshit. Especially when somebody buys. Dude, I get so paranoid. I start putting on my seatbelt. I start driving differently.

And then it's just a guy who bought a Crown Vic for some fucking reason. Why do you have a Crown Vic? They have terrible fucking gas mileage. No one should own a Crown Victoria who's not a cop. Or even worse, it's a security guard. And then you just want to fucking beat him up. AK for 5 says Vito woke up at the end. We got there, baby.

I'm telling you, I've been a little bit sick, a little bit under the weather, but I'm feeling a lot better. All it took was pissy, the inflatable. You need it took pissy, the inflatable piss man. Billy has been concerned for about 30 minutes, says guts rot. We talked a lot about a lot of different stuff on this episode. We learned a lot about ourselves. That's what's important, right, Billy? That's true, yeah.

I feel like this is the wonder years of fucking M&Ms. It just took me a minute to get into my groove, man. I got a, you know what, it's tax season and that shit's weighing on me. I got to do all my taxes and it sucks. I want to thank all our top supporters dickheads and veto files alike. Guys, dickheads,

I think you guys will be permanently grandfathered in. We might need to make a third category depending on who becomes the permanent co-host, the Billy boys, the KKK, the Carl's Klan. We'll see who else joins the excitement. But I want to thank you guys for being a part of

fun. Don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggest problem. That show. Follow my boy Billy at Billy the fridge on YouTube. Follow him on Twitter. And check out the Patreon. Patreon. patreon.com slash biggest problem. I do have to mention me and Carl were going to do a bonus episode last week, but because his schedule was extremely busy preparing for his live show in Detroit, unfortunately we had to push it back. But you are going to get, you'll get two bonus episodes this month, basically to make it for the fact the last month that we missed one. I'm definitely going to make that right by you.

you guys. Billy, thanks again for being with me. You know I love you. Always. Yeah, great, great. Great problems, buddy. All right, take care. Bye-bye.