The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 245

Episode Date: October 17, 2026

Vito and Karl with another show that goes on far too long

the universe where we tackle every problem from complimenting AI to fast ejaculating guys I am the interim host Carl hamburger with me as always Vito just Walde it was up Vito how you been Carl I'm very excited well we didn't we didn't plan that I feel like it went off okay just happened and naturally it happened and it was perfect and we're back on top the biggest problem number one forever baby that's right buddy we did a bonus show yesterday we did do a bonus show if you haven't seen it if you're not on uh patreon for biggest problem or for who are these podcasts get on there because we did the biggest problem in horror movies yesterday yes fantastic episode it was great and uh we talked about clowns which was very

topic very near and dear to my heart as a clown at all i think in an alternate timeline i would have made a great clown no you are a clown right but not great but not great but you are a clown No, I want the nose and the paint and the fun. I don't know. But check that out, guys. Patreon.com slash your biggest problem. Fuck you, Carl. Let's get right into it, Carl, and see who won last week.

You got a drum roll there? Why don't you do that? Oh, my gosh. I do have a drum roll. Yeah, you have a better drum roll than me. Carl, you are the winner with the TSA. It was number one. Congratulations.

Fuck, yeah, it is. Let's go, baby. Dude, TSA is a fucking problem. Why do they still exist? What are we talking about? Is this what terrorists are doing? They're trying to sneak in bombs to the airplanes? It's not happening anymore.

We're over it. Moving on. That was like a, look, that was like a gimmee problem. That was a gimmee problem. Yeah. Okay. So congratulations on winning on an easy one. We'll give it to you.

I did come in second with rape rules. I have to give you credit. the fact that you called it rape rules was very funny. Now, in case you didn't hear last. A lot of people, a lot of people were talking about that. They said, I don't know if that's the right. I don't know because then it has a second connotation. The rules of rape, rape victims would be a better way to say it, considering what your argument was.

But rape rules was kind of funny. I was thinking of the classic MTV reality show, Road Rules. Sure. And I was like, well, what if they did a spinoff, rape rules, where anything could happen. Then my problem that should have won, being nice to AI, somehow came in third. That was the best problem ever.

I don't know why. We got a bunch of robot apologists in the audience. And orgasm duration, shockingly, was a positive. I thought that would be a negative problem. I mean, it came to last, but, of course it was a positive. People want to be able to, like, ejaculate and orgasm for longer? I don't understand that at all. Why?

It's one and done. If anything, you want a button that, you know, you press it, you orgasm, and then you don't got to think about it for the rest of the day. A long, prolonged orgasm is not what I want. Okay. I'm sorry. Pleasure. Feeling pleasure, you want to be as short as possible? So you want to be in the DMV for hours and you want to ejaculate for three seconds.

I don't get it. What do you mean? Well, if I'm going to ejaculate at the DMV, I want it to be quick and efficient. Well, that's true. Yeah. The DMV is the perfect argument. for a short orgasm. Do you want to be in the DMV all day? No, you want it done with and you get your thing and you're gone. Because it sucks, but having an orgasm rules. You want it to last longer. You, you ruin so much of your life trying to get to that place and then it lasts for three seconds and you're out. It's not fair.

The length of the org, I don't get it. I don't get it. Carl, you got any comments from the last episode? I did. Wink, wink, 777 says, let's be clear is the new to be fair, make a stop. Let's be clear. It is not. Not the new to be fair. Let's be clear, Vito. Do not say let's be clear anymore. We're not adding new things to the list. The Yon Ranga says storing excess chilies in a Vegas bathtub full of ice is a classic Vito move. It almost worked.

It lasted like an extra couple. And I was able to wake up the morning of the con, have a couple southwestern egg rolls. But then I realized it wasn't going to keep until that night. So unfortunately. 30th says it would be so funny if you never pay Dick. Never pay Dick. I think we're going to pay Dick. Dick has been, Dick, look, I saw a check get cash.

So Dick got some money. He's not so upset that he can't cash the check. I'll tell you. I have an idea. Should we pretend to hate Dick and try to get Maddox on the show? Because we could do that. Man, I have tried to get Maddox on the show. But we should turn on Dick, though.

Let's turn on Dick. I don't think it matters. I think Maddox lives in this perpetual fear hole, and I get it, where he's like, I just need to stay away, which doesn't make any sense, though, because then he made a whole documentary about how much he hated dick and kind of reignited the whole fucking thing.

Spent five years doing that, yeah. How'd he do it? Yeah, that's a super killer length of time wasted on a project. At least super killers. I can't leave the fucking comic books last night. Jesus Christ. You got to stop doing that, man.

Look at it. Look at it. It's real. It's happening, baby. How do you do it? It says fact, the Chili's Bacon Blue Cheeseburger was the greatest burger ever made.

Is that true? Yo, I don't know. Well, I was, I did tell you, was it you I told Chili's has great burgers? I mean, we talked about Chili's last week. I talked to somebody recently. Oh, no, okay, I have a buddy and he's a fucking snob, and it drives me nuts. Because I'm like, dude, let's go to Chili's and pound some cheap margs. He's like, oh, you want to get margaritas from Chili's?

I could make you a margarita. Did you call them margs? Yeah, dude, cheap marg. Mark me up. Let me get a Margus Simpson on the racks. Oh, God. I'm so embarrassed for you right now, but anyway, so you're- Good buddy and marks.

Carbs and marks, Carl. Oof. Okay. Ship me up, dip me up. But I had to, I told him, he doesn't believe me. I'm like, yeah, Chalise has really good burgers. He's like, yeah, I'll see it when I believe it. You don't believe, whatever.

He did not believe me. But they are good. So blue cheese is bullshit. It's moldy cheese. It tastes like garbage. Oh, come on. Are you a blue cheese hater? Are you a cheese hater?

I hate blue cheese. I hate blue cheese. Dude, Dick was a blue cheese hater. Yeah, he would always... I mean, I hate him. I hate him, man. It's come on the show. He'd be like, look, I got all these wings. And I'd go, where's the blue cheese? And you go, oh, we just got ranch.

I went, well, then these are inedible and something's wrong with you. All right. I'm so annoyed. But whatever, I'm from Western New York. You idiots don't know how to eat wings. Anyway, Aaron Harver says, jokes aside, I'm actually really happy. You kept my favorite show going. And it's not as much of a disaster as predicted. Carl fits in really well, and I'm looking forward to whatever weird guests do pop in, props veto.

Well, you know what's interesting is I'm doing my Magic the Gathering podcast. Yeah. And I don't know if you keep track on the Lowell Cow podcast universe at all. Not so much, but I should. Yeah, yeah, we talked about it. Keemstar's thing. There's nothing for you to keep track of now. It's done.

Oh, are they done? It's over. Wings of Redemption and Boogie. and everyone's just not doing it anymore. I don't know if you were aware of this because I wasn't until I started meeting. You know, I started doing a show of Billy the Fridge. You started telling me about it. They had eight different podcasts going.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I covered it on WATP. Yeah, there's a lot of things going on. It's what I based Demover's Live on because I was like, wow, this guy's got all these shows going on. People are watching it. It's all done. Well, you're actually keeping it together. Kempstar drove it to the ground.

And everybody was fighting and doxing each other. and then they all quit and Kim Star is like, well, I guess we just don't have a podcast now we're getting more. No shit. Well, here's what Kim Star did wrong and not to get like too analytical about it. Yeah. But like with the devilverse live, the show I do with Blind Mike every Thursday, we cover all the locales in the devilverse and we play the clips. I would never invite them onto my channel. I wouldn't have like, oh, yeah, if you go to this channel, you'll see Kevin Brennan, Southern John and Aaron Nimble. It's like, no, let them do their own thing, which is what, keep start.

Keeps are invited all the losers onto his channel. So the way he was populating the Lowl Cow universe was literally people out of the discord would do tryouts. Yes. And it would just be like people who have no actual like, you know, camera talent or history of broadcasting. And it would just be like some lady who's missing an arm. And you're like, hey, now it's crazy Susan's running Lowell Cow nightmare. Right. Or like some women in a like a trailer, mobile home.

They're just like, hey, look at it. We're Hicks. We can make nobody. I'll be like, wow, let's throw money at them. That can only last so long. It's just a gimmick. I mean, the best part of it was the Kempstar was apparently taking 50% of every single show. And I'm like, so you just got a gaggle of retards and morons and you're taking all their money. That is kind of fun. The point I bring up, though, is now Billy the Fridge, who has been on here a couple of times.

He's been shook free, as well as Boogie 2988, who I've been talking to. So we actually ended up, we did it in an episode of the Magic podcast, me, Boogie and Billy. We actually had a bunch of fun. And I should have had seen if I could have got him this week. But maybe we can get Boogie on here. And now that he's free. As I have explained, the reason previously he told me he can't come on here is that he is running the haunted mansion lifestyle. Was it you?

I was explaining it too. You told me that. Yeah. Yes, him and his girlfriend now just go to haunted houses to try to make content for money. I'm telling him, Boogie. You just left a successful podcast. Come on, go on podcast, you fucking idiot. People want to talk to you about all your nonsense.

Well, I mean, he was being made fun of, though. Like you. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, if you want to do with the rest of your life, just made fun of. Well, we'd bring him on here. We'd rib him a bit. But, you know, shut up. You're giving away the game.

Don't tell him we're going to read him. You're going to celebrate, Boogie. We love him. I did a show just a few hours ago, this little piggy with Moody and Pat Dixon. Do you know Pat Dixon? I've watched. him on he's like just a comedian or like i don't know his history he's a stand up he used to host a show on compound media uh new york crime report he's still on uh that service we're given mcginnis

and anthony own and he's interested in coming on here so if you need a uh hell yeah a co-host for an episode pat is all it he's great let's do it man maybe interim co-host carl we'll bow out we'll bring in a little bit of pat we'll see uh or we can do a three way see uh see we get something all right that's the reaction I want. I'm turned off. I'm turned off. Why don't we? Oh, I'll make your orgasm last a while. Carl, how about that? Would that make it exciting for you? There will be no orgasm. Two minutes in town. Yeah. Let's, uh, let's vote. Ladies gentlemen, it's voted up the exciting format where we take a look at past proms and put them in a new light. Carl, this problem comes to us from episode at 92. This is people who pretend to not understand jokes. Why don't I

just play a clip and we'll see if you know what I'm talking about here. This is Shane Gillis' stand-up from Saturday Night Live. Talking about going to the gym. They're jacked and they look at me like, yeah, right. I know, dude. Also, I've been to the gym in so long I didn't know women just dress like whores now. Look, I'm sorry, there's no other way to describe. Have you seen it?

I've seen the shorts? Have you seen the shorts? Those neon, they're like the only, they're like artificial bait colored. The wrinkles, the wrinkles go like around the cheeks and all. All right, well, I don't want to get copyright claim, but Carl, are you as shocked appalled as I am that Shane Gillis said women in booty shorts at the gym look like whores? So Dan Levy, Eugene Levy's son.

Yes. Made an Instagram, balls. Maybe we're going to get there. And he came out and he said, I'm sorry, Shane, not all women are horrors, which is not what Shane said at all. Shane said women at the gym dress like horrors. And by the way, Dan Levy, some women do dress like horrors. It's a real thing that exists in the world.

Obviously, horrors are out there dressing like horrors. Exactly. And it's a joke. And sometimes when you exaggerate, it makes the joke funny. You fucking retard. Again, the problem is people who pretend not to understand jokes. And it is really crazy that people are going out there and they go, did you hear Shane Gillis said women are whores?

And you go, he definitely didn't say that. He didn't even say the women at the gym were whores. He said they were dressed like hores. I watched, so I did a podcast review on Drew Lane show this week. We watched a show where they equated this to the Cornell 7. And they're like, this is why Cornell 7 exists because that's why it happens. Because men think they can just go around and do what they want. Okay.

Now, I was wondering, like, are we disconnected from, because when I hear something like that, I'm like, well, yeah, I've listened to podcasts and comedians say, ah, she looks like a whore is like not offensive to me at all. I'm like, I know what he's saying. Like, I was really shocked that, like, liberal America is like, oh, my stars, I can't believe it. Are we like disconnected? Is that really how people react or is this all like invented? Yeah, it's all invented. It's all taking sides. You know what? The thing about his monologue, the thing that planted the seed was he goes. I was at my friend's house, Joe Rogan.

I was like, oh, that's it. Oh. That's it. That is the dog whistle that drives all the left crazy. Like, oh, he mentioned Joe Rogan. Let's find out how he's a Nazi. Let's figure it as a misogynist. Let's figure it out. It's interesting you bring that up because I do have some of the people who are upset. So Dan Levy was a big one, obviously. Actress Martha Plimpton called the joke stupid and suggested S&L needed more women making creative decisions. That's a good way to save S&L. Put more ladies in there. Former SNL cast members Cecily Strong and Edo Noadim.

Do you even know who these fucking people are? I know Sessly Strong. I never heard of the other guy. I have not watched S&L in probably 10 years, so I have no idea who these people are. Well, they were against Gillis, actress Elizabeth Banks. And here was a crazy one. Comedian Kathy Griffin joined the controversy, calling Gillis a hack, joking that he looked like someone who couldn't get laid,

and criticizing male comedians influenced by Joe Rogan for recycling similar jokes. Can I tell you the worst perpetrator of going on the band, wagon with Dan Levy against Shane Gillis. Yeah. Flava Flav. Did Flav or Flay? I saw what did Flavor Flav say? He was on board. He's like, oh, this is trash right here. This is too much. This is too much. I'm sorry, Vito. I'm not a huge hip-hop guy, but is there like, I don't know, a problem with some of the rap lyrics that are out there about like misogynistic tendencies? I'm pretty sure. I remember a picture of Flav of Flay with the big club. grabbing two asses on either side.

Was he going to those women? He goes, hey, and I will never call you a whore because I respect. Didn't he have like a reality show where he was like begging 25 different slum? Flav of Love. What are we talking about Flav of Flay? What are we doing? By the way, and this is the whole other problem. Maybe I'll bring this problem to a show in the future.

But what was this say? This is Flava Flav said important allyship. Is he writing these tweets himself? Dude, he has to be. He's a retard. talking about yeah i cannot imagine flavor flame getting on twitter and reading about dan levy's comments and going this is important allies ship i'll be a part of this i hated so much who wrote this for him it's so weird okay so future problem you know i want to take this future problem is

hip hop artists from the 90s who have become complete cucks you know you look at snoop dog and ice cube and ice tea like these guys used to be fucking badass gangsters and now they're like starring in sitcoms. Oh, oh, cool, Jay. The list goes out of that. Snoop dogs, the worst. Snoop dogs, like, at the Olympics and shit, you're like, hanging out with Martha Stewart.

I remember he's baking with her shit. It's the best thing he's done in the recent year. He's lost all credibility. But I look at that and I go, okay, but isn't that the smart move? It's like, you come up. You're like, yeah, I'm hard. I'm hard. I kill guys.

I kill guys. They go, all right, white people money. Now's the time to capitalize. Like, I can't not, I can't, you know, fall to play. playing the game, you know? I know. Anyway, I'll save it.

Put it in the bag. I'll work on that. I have some thoughts on it. And I realize in the comments, I'm saying that Flav of Flav was saying that Flav of Flav wasn't one of these guys rapping about women. That's true. You know,

Public Enemy is an activist group. Was an activist group. I totally get it. They're against the man and 911 and all this stuff. But it's crazy that like, I don't hear Flav of Flav coming out against Eminem. It wasn't like speaking out like, hey, guys, we need to treat these women better. Like he was part of the culture.

I get what you're saying. Well, guys, pretending not to understand jokes. Currently number 79 with 553 upvotes. Go. Vote it up. I got one more for you. I would just say, if I had a picket side, it would say, I like jokes. I like Shane Gillis.

Mine would say up with whores. Up with horse. Down with miniskirts? Sputting. From episode 17, Carl, it's the problem of domain squatters. And what do you do when the president of the United States is squatting on domains? That's the question here today. U.S. President Donald Trump signed an executive order on September 29th,

changing the term artificial intelligence to superintelligence. Did you hear about this, Carl? I did not. He says, Within the government, all official documents must refer to artificial intelligence as super intelligence. And now critics are claiming he did this in order to profit from the sale of domain names ending in .S.I. Okay. Now, according to figures from register, the registered to SS where you go to register SI domain names,

daily registrations had a wild spike in May and June before Trump first used. the phrase in a September truth social post. They could not explain the spike but critics are claiming Trump tipped off his associates to buy up the domains to later profit off super intelligent hype. An interesting connection.

The dot-sci domain. Do you know what country that's from, Carl? Singapore. Close. It does start with an S. So I'll give you a point. Slovenia, the home country of First Lady Melania

Trump. Oh, okay. So did Melania go to the Slovakian authorities and say, listen, my husband is going to announce some super intelligence, time to buy up? I think this is not a real story. I think this might be some nonsense. Well, okay. Yeah.

Since you brought this up, Vito, back in the 90s, early aughts, I have friends who were buying up. Dot com domains and hoping to sell them in the future. That's not still a thing anymore. You know, buying domains. It doesn't matter. Like, it's all about SEO. It's all about showing up in the search results.

Yeah. So it doesn't matter if you have like a domain. No, I don't think that's true anymore. I don't think people, people don't just go to their browser and go betsports.com. You don't have anything. Like, they don't do that. Dude, do you remember doing that back in the first one, the internet? And I was like, dude, I wonder what's at hell.com.

Right. Whoa. This is freaky shit, dude. What was that? I won't be able to think about it, but there was like a crazy website that had the most gruesome gore and graphic porn and I can't. Ogrish. Ogrish.

There wasn't Ogrish, but maybe it was. Anyway, you're right. There was a time when the domain meant everything. You know, AOL keywords. I want the ill keyword. No, none of that fucking matters at all. I got an offer for one of my domain names, but it was like a hundred bucks. Yeah.

When I was a, when I was a cool teenager, I was like, you know what would be a cool? domain name. North Nowhere.com. North Nowhere. I'm sorry. You were a cool

teenager? Yeah, it was a cool team. I'm not bad at that. I had a cool little blog at North Nowhere. And then it became like my portfolio page for a while. And then I think there's a clothing brand called like North of Nowhere and they're like, we'll give you

a hundred bucks. I say, well, that's not worth it. I also still own. It is worth it. Okay. Okay. No, it's not. I want more.

draft kings that's a huge site right draft kings dot com sure so i own because at one point i made a magic the gathering website i own draft magic dot commog okay that's got to be worth a million dollars right no it's worth nothing and the reason why is because dot coms are worth nothing it's all about the app draft kings has to be 95% used through a mobile app so the domain means fucking nothing at this No, the domain, the domain, because like, the domain's good on like a billboard or a postcard or something, like something you can remember, you know? Like my buddy, my buddy over at pvk.com who, Jeremiah, if you're listening to this, please fucking modernize your 1995 logo. This is terrible. But if you want to buy a knife, he's always getting people because he's got a three-letter domain name, pvk.com.

This is money. This is money right here. You know, I don't tell you, man. It's SEO. It's 2026. Not as matters. Just go fucking, why don't you go to the website and don't put it on the screen. Vote on.

Oh, we'd have a couple superchats real quick. Rotten.com was the one I was. Rodden.com, yes. People in the chat. That was the one I was thinking of. Yeah. Ogreish took over after Rodden. That was the second iteration of Rodden.

I'm pretty sure. What are you like in your 20s still? I can't relate to you. I remember, dude, and then they had on Reddit, they had watch people die. It was the best Reddit because you could just watch videos of Chinese people getting sucked into industrial equipment. And now you can't watch that shit anymore. You're going to go to like some weird fucking Russian website to get it. Fier's anger for 10 says you.

10 Australian dollars. Thank you, sir. 10 Australian dollars. Two keys, unpaid staff. Will you guys just kiss and make this official? Hold on. All right, all right. There we go.

One on the cheek. One on the cheek. Swag Jackson for two. Do you have the alt covers? Give me free shipping. This is my, the test print has been completed. And we will all covers will be printed now. Basically, I just have to make one big, big order and have it all shipped on a giant palette. So it's happening, baby. Meet Gaser for 20. Oh, boy, time for my weekly veto-slop. Vito-Vito. We love. Oh, I'm sorry, Vito, Vito, Vito. We love Vito. Thank you, Meet Gaser. And Hamroll, my favorite kind of role, enjoying the show, boys. Thank you, Hamroll. Thank you for 20 Australian dollar dues. We got a lot of Australian boys like in the show. Well, Carl, you're the winner.

Traditionally, that means you're going to lead us in. What do you got for me, buddy? You don't have a sounder for this ever. There you go. Vito, I got a really big problem. It's shows that go on too long. some shows they're past their prime but for whatever reason it's a money grab whatever it is they just keep going and everyone's over it the simpsons is the gold standard for this man they

really should have stopped with the simpsons at some point it's we're in like season 35 or something right now over 800 episodes no one's watching the show anymore no one knows what's going on with that dude you're a simpsons guy are you do you ever go like hey let me watch a recent episode. So, all right. I have been going back and watching like seasons since I stopped watching it like everyone else did. Okay. To see what it's like. So season 24, 23 like seeing what's going on. It's garbage. It's it's hot garbage. It's not. There's like a chart somewhere of like Simpson's average review scores by season or something. And it's just like straight up red across the board. Yeah. There's nothing. It's tanking. Yeah. Here I want to bring this up real quick. It's crazy. Here is the Simpsons average review because I'm always like, hey, is there going to be like a season worth watching? And the answer is, and I don't know why I won't let me put this on the screen.

Well, whatever. There is no good season, apparently. I mean, what's happening now is, you know, obviously you can't have a poo anymore. Dr. Hibbert is like played by a different guy because you couldn't have a dude doing a black boy. It's so ridiculous. There you go right there. Look at this. Yeah.

Season one sucks. Season two is not great, but seasons three through 14, I give two big thumbs up. And then it starts going downhill. What about Gray's Anatomy? Do you know that show's still on the air? I actually didn't know that. I didn't either. That's crazy.

It means is 23rd season in 2026. I could have sworn that that can't be true. Wait. Okay, but like is Gray's Anatomy like a, like a, what do you call it? Not CSI. What's the one? Law and order goes on forever. And that's okay because it kind of like switches guys out. Sure. That's a little different. Okay. What about the walking dead? Well, yeah, that should be. Well, yeah, that's 20, 10, 22. Right? It's over now. There's spin-offs. Yes, there's spinoffs now.

Early on, people were into the characters. They were interested in what's going on. And then, like, people started following off and you know what was going on. Everything's just dark. I think it's the problem you brought up. You couldn't see anything. It was just like these special effects. and sounds and fully work like i guess zombies are eating something i have no idea how i met your mother this was a show the premise was hey kids i want to tell you about how i met mom and then nine seasons later you still haven't fucking met mom yet like hey dad can we like get to the point what is this meandering dog shit story jesus christ it's fucking terrible i've somehow managed to avoid like all of these shows though because i can't i don't have the attention

span for any show like I think the only one how many how many seasons was a game of thrones like did it get to eight seasons I think well yeah I mean game of thrones people I mean maybe the last season or two weren't great but people were mad about it people were mad about happy days happy days literally coined the phrase jumping the shark you can figure out what's new with that fucking show it I was looking this up recently yeah where a lot of people go I think even at winkler said hey that shark episode holds up that show had a lot of great seasons after the shark episode and they're using that term incorrectly John Hein who was now on the Howard Stern show hit him with the hind created created

jump the shark dot com all about like when shows have outlasted their usefulness and that was the definitive example house of cards Kevin Spacey oh man it's me too just so hot to Hollywood they're like I let's do one more season without Kevin Spacey man what are we doing the worst dude couldn't have like recast him or something they literally killed him off screen and then the lady became president you're like man this was literally at one point the greatest show on tv like dude everybody made it made it made Netflix was literally a we will mail you DVDs then you mail them back to us and then it became a streaming service and then it became a content creation house with house

of cards do you know the netflix sound is from house of cards yeah that's true the ding ding Yep. That's him wrapping his ring on the table. So forever, Kevin Spacey is ingrained into the Netflix DNA. I think we got to let him come back. What, he maybe had sex with a couple of gay kids back with that. You're missing the point. You're missing the point.

These shows go on past the time when the people who like the people on the show are on there. The best example is the office, the U.S. version of the office. Of course, the British version of Elvis had two seasons. It was fucking fantastic. classic rejuvace but then they rebooted it or they they created a whatever version in the u.s and steve correll was michael scott and people loved this character he was uh that character of course he's the boss but he's a buffoon does he mean well chileys lover by the way let's be real yeah right and you know the whole premise of the show which is why it only lasts two

seasons two seasons in the uk is that there's a document documentary film crew who's in there trying to show like what's going on in this like weird small company with a handful of employees and like what what's the american workplace like you know the evil clashes the boredom inappropriate behavior low stakes drama just getting captured it was a smart format it was smart yes it was a good framing device and and michael scott steve kraals character was the comedic glue that held it all together Because he always had the ridiculous, boom roasted. You know, he always had the funny thing.

They're wondering, oh, boy, this guy doesn't get it, you know. Seven seasons. Show's going strong. Everyone loves it. Still doesn't make sense, but whatever. He leaves the show. They're like, we've got to keep going. Money grab.

Seasons eight and nine came out without Steve Correll. And they kept going. Was that when he left? Was it season seven? After seven. Season seven. No. Did you see, do you watch all of the American office?

I have not So they started teasing us With who's gonna take over From Michael Scott From Steve Corell So they had a They had an episode where it's like Maybe it'll be Jim Carrey

Or they had Ray Romano do a guest star And then they did three episodes with Will Farrell That were actually really fucking good Okay Because Will Farrell was absolutely insane But then they went with Ed Helms Because he was just popular Because the hangover

It just came out It was very good in the hangover, yeah And they're like, oh, this guy's going to be a great, you know, leading comedic man. You're like, nah, this guy fucking sucks. This is a terrible, terrible decision. Vito. And then he left to go film. And then he didn't even stay on as the boss.

He left to go film a different hangover. Right. It didn't even work. My point is this, Vito. Yeah. It's not about the office. I know people love the office. It's fine.

I do love it. The point is some of these shows start off and people love the show. They're just enamored by it, you know? You got, uh, Sean the audio engineer and Matt I mean who knows I have no idea and then it turns into a show with like completely different guys pretending to like I have no idea still recreate it for no reason silly money grab it shows that go on too long loving characters are gone yeah yeah old people used to love who had funny points and were ridiculous the characters are all that's left

yeah I get I get it so my biggest problem is shows that go on past their prime and go on a little bit too long and drag out. This is a stealth pilot, Carl. We're doing a stealth pilot. Did you ever see the episode of the office that was a stealth pilot pilot for Dwight's farm? No. So they did an episode which was Dwight inherits his like grandmother's farm and that guy from a god there's like, what's the guy from Silicon Valley? The main guy from Silicon Valley would be like a weird brother and shit. Not T.J. Miller, but the main character who had been the main nerdy guy. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the one-to-be Mark Zuckerberg guy. Yeah.

Yeah. And then his sister's there and there's a precocious kid and it goes, hey, this could be a show. Does anyone want to watch this? Everyone went, no, we don't want this at all. No, thanks. But I think we're doing a bit of a stealth pilot here. You know, maybe not this show, but maybe I didn't.

I'll see what fucking happens. Shows that go on too long, Carl. Is that the problem? Vote it out. Go vote it up. Go hit it up. Oh, boy. No, no.

This is like when the, this is like when a show comes on to its own, you know? Like, Cheers wasn't really a show until Woody Harrelson showed up, right? Well, I mean, Seinfeld didn't catch on and the NBC kept it on. And then like by season three, they kind of hit their groove. You go watch the first couple seasons of that show. It's not very good. Could be the golden. Oh, speaking of happy days, remember you had a brother that went upstairs and never showed up again?

Sometimes you got to retool the format. Sometimes characters got to go away. Cousin Oliver. I get it. All right, well, I got a picture of a young man, Carl, and I want you to take a look at this young man, and I'm going to ask you a question. Let's bring him up on the screen here. Carl, would you buy this young man a gun? Look at that.

Look at that soulful, look in his eyes. Doesn't that look like the kind of kid where you go, I just want to buy this kid any kind of firearm and put it in his hands and see what he does with it? What kind of gun does he need? Ah, you know, anything that he could use to take it to a kid. a school and murder a bunch of fucking people, I'm sure. Well, then probably now. Oh, now and now you don't want to do it? Look at all the life and vibrancy in his eyes.

You go, that's just a good-looking kid with a, if I hand that kid a gun, he's going to use it to save the world. Carl, I bring this up, of course, because on October 15th, 2026, a 16-year-old former student of what school of the Silver Rail Elementary School. Do you imagine being upset with your elementary school? school? Like harboring elementary school resentment of... I don't remember what it's called. I don't remember any of my teachers.

I don't know where it is. I couldn't get there if you asked me to. No. I can't believe those fuckers tried to teach me shapes and colors. Those cock suckers. At Silver Rail Elementary School in Bend, Oregon killed three children's age, five, eight, and 11, and one teacher while

injuring others. The attacker used a pump-action shotgun. You fucking know all about this shit. All right, Alex. Or his birthday. Relax. All right. That's not great.

So my problem, Carl, is buying your weird kid a gun. Yeah. Now, I'm not saying you can't buy your normal kid a gun. If you got a kid who's getting straight A's, he's like, you know, valedictorian to the school. And he goes, my mother, I was thinking I could have a sporting rifle for my birthday. And me and my hound rover could hunt pheasant in the wood. You know, then you go, okay, well, this is a kid who probably is going to use. use a gun to his advantage.

In Liverpool? Where is this kid? I'm confused. Where are you right now? He's a transport. He's a, you know, he's a transport suit. He's a, you know, foreign exchange kid came in, raised in a British household.

His family recently moved. Hello, governor. I've had much about these firearms and I would like to pet this one for me birthday. Makes sense. Okay. But then instead of that, it's always you get it for kids. kids where you go, it's so crazy.

They always talk to the moms after the shootings. You go, they go, oh, he was the sweetest kid. He was such a sweet boy. We couldn't have seen this come. And you're like, what was he into? And they're like, you know, like Columbine and stuff. Yeah. And he was mostly like reading Discord and writing swastikas into a snowbook.

He's like watching taxi driver all the time. Right, right, right. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck? Obviously, you know. The sweetest fucking kid. Dude, this is crazy. And it's not, this has happened multiple times.

Let's see. Are you going to tell me to Michigan? Yeah, Michigan. Yes. These parents actually went to prison for this, which is unprecedented. A 15-year-old killed four students and injured seven others with a handgun. His father had purged for him as an early Christmas gift. And they basically said, tell us about your kid.

And they're like, well, you know, he's in a normal kid shit. He's got like Nazi flags all over his room. And he calls all his classmates, NPCs. And he's always making a little. lists of all their names and shit. And they're like, obviously don't buy him a gun. You're actually criminally negligible for this. And I don't think anybody disagrees with that.

No. I remember a couple people were trying to argue like, well, you know, can we really hold them accountable? Yes. That's like going to a tiger and giving it a gun. Like, it's a wild, horrible animal. Yeah. We should always hold parents accountable.

This one was a wild one, though, because even the school was like, this kid, there's a problem. He got sent down to, I was going to start. like a juby or something i was gonna say hr the principal's office yeah i've been to school at a lot time went to the principal's office and they're like calling the parents like he's threatening people they're gonna he's gonna he's gonna shoot them and they're like ah he's fine whatever we don't we don't care it's like these parents were the worst parents ever dude it's at yeah the parents were literally like you guys are gay this is some woke trash yeah right like if our kid wants a gun he's

gonna get it gun and they're like he literally just comes into class he says i'm gonna kill you i'm a kill you I'm going to kill you. And like they did nothing to stop it. So look, man, you just, you just got to talk to these kids. You can look these kids in the eye and decide immediately whether or not they deserve a gun. How do we not have a test that's like, hey, how much time have you spent in the last, you know, 24 hours on white supremacist discords? And if the answer is more than five minutes, then no, you don't get a gun. I'm sorry.

When I was in fourth grade, we were choosing instruments that we would play in the high school or the, the elementary school band. Yes. I had to take a music aptitude test. And I chose the instruments I wanted to play. I took the test. And they gave me the oboe. I played the oboe when I was younger.

I didn't want to play the oboe. I didn't know what the oboe was. But I did very well at the music aptitude test. So they decided like, we'll give you a harder instrument to play. Why wouldn't that be the case for school shooters? Bro. Everyone should take an aptitude test

and we should figure out who the weirdos are. How about we got a firing range and we pop up to, we could do like the, the men and black thing where there's going to be different people popping up. It's like, oh, scary terrorist man. You go, I'll shoot him. And you go, ah, there's like a, there's like a, you know, a Ku Klux Klan guy in a hood. And he's like, you know, I got to listen to his ideology. I don't know. He might have some things to say.

And then it's like, hey, a bunch of kids, just little kids. And if they blasts away the little kids, you go, yeah, you don't get a gun. You failed the test. Right. It's simple, simple things. I don't know what we do with this. Look, I'm not arguing for red flag laws or whatever. I understand why you need the right to bear arms.

But all our kids these days are creeps and weirdos. And I feel like it would be okay to profile. We should profile children, not adults. Profile, no, profile everyone. I talked about this last week on the TSA thing. The fact that they're like, oh, random screening for this Carl guy, I was born in New York. I'm not even religious. Why would you think I wanted to take it on a plane?

It's ridiculous. I'm a sports fan. I'm on the internet. You could profile people. There's certain people who might want to take a plane down. They're not me. You profile everyone is what I see. Well, okay.

But here's the worst part. It's not even like we have to profile them in a way. we're like, we got to crack into their devices to figure out what's going on. It's like all these kids are fucking insane. So one of them was that, what was it, abundant life Christian school in Wisconsin, that was where the trans girl went into the school with a gun she got from her father as a gift, although there's arguments, maybe she used a different gun, whatever. Someone was gifting this trans lady kid firearms.

And you go, well, there were no possible signs. And then you read her diary. And you've never seen the diary of the trans kid who killed all the people? Yeah. Yeah. All the time, she's like, man, if I had a dick, I would rape the shit out of my stuffed animals. I wish I had a dick. I can't believe I don't have a dick.

And you're like, okay, this is just crazy pants shit. This crazy pants lady should probably not have a gun. I don't know this. I know that you enjoy the trans community for sexual pleasure. Some of them are crazy. Some of them are violent. Oh, I know. I'm dating.

That's why I haven't dated one of them in a while. And they want violent acts perpetrated on people who are just having a good type of life. I don't know if you know that. I don't know if I've told you this story about a trans girl I dated back of the day, but she found out about like the Netflix protest and whatever else and sent me an email saying, hey, I want you to know I'm going to expose you. I'm going to let all your friends know that you have had sex with trans women. And that's going to ruin your standing in the consumer.

You're like, not. Community. Everyone knows. Yeah, they already know. That's so funny. Like, these people take sides and it's so ridiculous. Like you were saying about, like, not getting jokes. These people just take sides.

So they hear Joe Rogan, they don't like Shane Gillis. This whole thing where it's like, Vito said Dave Chappelle is funny and he likes jokes. And he likes the jokes that Dave tells. It's like, oh, well, then obviously you're a right-wing nut job. I'm like, well, no. I mean, Dave Chappelle is a funny comic. It was very good at comedy. Like, you know.

Dude, I get that all the time. Some big YouTuber recently made, like a video talking about the origins of Gamergate. He goes, and, you know, right-wing commentator, Vito Giswaldi weighed in. And I'm like, right-wing commentator. When did I get that fucking label? I wish. I fucking wish you had some sense in your brain. You don't.

I'm like close to the middle, man, but your guy's fucking up. You know Trump's fucking up. And a lot of your guys are fucking up. Who's your guy? He's your guy. My guy is Ron Paul. My guy will always be. Ron Paul. Yeah, the Rod Paul. You love illusion. All right. All I know is if your kid has dark

eyes and is wearing a trench coat and keeps saying, you know, the Joker was the same is the only sane person in Gotham. Don't buy him a gun. That's, uh, that's bad times. No offense. I do think that Nick Ricada, but if you own a Joker poster or any Joker art or action figures, any Joker memorabilia is the biggest red flag. Go get fucked. Yeah. Stop him. The Joker is so a fight character, but yeah, it's too much.

I'm not saying you're going to murder someone, but you're definitely not that smart if you've got a bunch of Joker shit lying around. So leave it on the sidelines, folks. All right. Carl, you're next up, buddy. All right. This is a problem that's near and dear to my heart. I've been complaining about this for years to no one. whoever sitting next to me

basically I recently figured out the service industry hates their customers this wasn't always the case this is a new thing that's happened a new phenomenon okay service industry

despises you as soon as you walk into the restaurant they're like rolling their eyes like what does this guy want fucking service so you want to be served food that he orders like fuck this asshole the pandemic shutdowns were horrible for the service industry.

And what the bartenders and servers and kitchen staff, what they all learned was, it's more fun to sit at home and get paid by the government than they go in and do my shift at the restaurant. It was pretty good times for them. They loved it. And so even when places started to reopen, and I think New York State was similar to California, so I think we're on the same page here, places would start to reopen, but they'd be like totally different.

All right. The restaurant's open, but they're only open until 8 p.m. And you can only have like a third capacity. So if you're sitting up at the bar, there has to be like four bar stools between you and the guy that you wanted to make out with. The COVID rules, baby. Yeah. I remember they're like, hey, if we serve you a drink, you know, you're not allowed to drink it until you sit down. I said, oh, I forgot about the COVID rule where it can't a beverage, you know, all the all the germs go away. as long as you're in a seated position.

Thank you for reminding me. Dude, remember airplanes? Like, you'd have to wear a mask. And then if you took a sip of your drink, you'd bring the mask down. But you have to be actively eating or sipping your drink to have a mask down. You want to know why I don't remember airlines?

It's because I refused to go on a flight during all of COVID. I'm like, there's no way. I would go absolutely insane trying to manage a mask across an eight-hour flight. Wait. You didn't go to Road Rage, Tampa? No, maybe you.

you didn't no that's right that was before my time 2020 uh road rage Tampa I flew down to Florida as part of Dick Masterson's live show and I bought my wife and me these masks that were just like completely howled out dog shit yeah completely so I yelled that for wearing one of those yeah and I was so pissed because it worked every other time oh yeah no we wore those on the airplane and through the airport it's so hilarious And then we get to Florida and the whole world's different. Like no one gives a shit about masks. It's like, wow, in New York, this is totally different.

But in Florida, no one cares. It's like, wow, this is freedom. This is great. Dude, the mask shit was the worst. I went to a card store. I was like, oh, I want to purchase some trading cards. And of course, the trading card store is going to be the one place where some super nerd is all worried about getting COVID. And he's like, sir, I'm going to have to give you a real mask.

That's not a, because I had this, like, cloth mask that had all these holes in it. I could, so I can fucking breathe. It just looks like a mask from a distance. I'm like, no, I got a mask. It's cool. Kicked me out of the fucking store. And then I wrote a review saying they kicked me out because they're racist and I'm a black man. And I don't know how that went over.

That's all you don't have to do that. If you were six feet away, you were fine, obviously. Or if you were eating food or drinking a beverage, you were fine. Anyway, the problem with all of this is that it triggered like mass layoffs and furloughs and many experienced servers and cook. and managers and bartenders. They left. Producer Chris is an example. He was a bartender

at an amazing Italian restaurant down the street that I loved. He used to go there all the time. And when this happened, he's just like, I'm out. I don't need to be in this industry anymore. It sucks. And so the good people. Wait, are you saying he left because he was done with the customer or what?

Are he done with all the rules? Yeah, done with the rules. But are the servers the problem or are the rules they imposed on the servers the problem? Both did the servers announce both the good people left right the good people are just like I don't need this shit I'm out of here right and and then the restaurants reopened and they're understaffed they don't know who to get and they find these people and the people who they get used to make money from sitting on their ass at home watching judge duty and now they have to go into work and smile and pour you a drink and they hate that I got an I got a great example for you a man and a buddy went to a restaurant the other day and I said, hey, can we get a couple of menus? And the guy didn't even say anything. He just aggressively pointed to a QR code at the end of the table. He's like,

and I'm like, yeah, but do you have menus? And then he kind of, I think he wanted to give an eye roll. His like eyes kind of twitch, but then he went and he got the actual menus from behind the bar or whatever. I'm like, how the fuck hard was that? Why are you mad about that? I don't want to scan a your code. I want to look at a fucking menu. I'm not even mad at QR codes. I have a whole take on that. Props to at B. Dabbler. Do you like QR code menus? I do. Uh, vote Carl. No, no, no, no. No, no. Thank you, buddy. This is, you can't, you can't vote on chats. I tell you to vote for you. That's not fair. He's got to pay if he wants to make a job. Okay, so here's my problem with QR codes. Yeah. Either do it or don't. So there's a, there's a sushi

place in Rochester 5-8-5 sushi. That used to go to all the time for lunch. Because they'd sit you down and you just go on your app and your phone. You just like order whatever the fuck you want. And it just comes to your table. It's different if you're ordering from the phone. Hold on. Hold on.

You order what you want. It just keeps coming to you. And then you pay and then you're out. Problem is people were not paying. They just fucking left. Now it's turning to do a thing where you can't do that anymore. Okay. My biggest, my biggest problem with this are the airports.

Vita. And I hate to be this guy. I spend a lot of time in airports. But every airport. It's this classic stand-up. Hey, been in airports lately? Yeah, they have the peanuts. Every airport, every bar, every restaurant has the QR code at the station.

And you scan it and you're supposed to be able to order the food and then it comes to you. Which would be fucking awesome. I'm all for, I need to talk to people. Whatever. I'll order the food and have it sent to me and I'll pay for it with my phone and all that stuff. The problem is is that they put all of this into place. during the pandemic. And then some of them abandoned it.

Some of them didn't. So you never know. Like, I'll sit down at a bar stool and I'll scan the QR code. And the bar show, I'll be able to be like, yeah, don't worry about that. What can I get you? I'm like, all right. I guess I'll take a fucking blue lights and a steak sub. Yes, yes.

No, I've had the same thing. One of the other. Just choose it. Tell me what to do. Well, the problem is they all implemented all this stuff. So every restaurant was like, ooh, we're going to have like curbside ordering, right? I'm like, oh, awesome. I used to go to the Panera, and I'm like,

ah, let me get, like, I don't know, a sandwich or something. And then I'd be sitting out there like a moron for like 15 minutes before I finally get up and I go inside and I go, hey, I ordered a sandwich. And they're like, yeah, yeah, it's right here, buddy. And I go, right here, buddy, I go, what does that say on the bag? And they're like, it says curbside. I go, does this look like a curb? Take it to the curb, God damn it.

So then I always have to play this game of, but then one time I was like, hey, it's taking a while and I went inside. And I'm like, hey, I ordered curbside. And they go, it's not ready yet, man. You got to wait in your car for it. Don't you know what curbside means? And I'm like, God damn it. I'm fucked either way.

And then the parking spots in the front, we have to be in like your station one or two or eight or 15. You're like, is there anywhere to park if I just want to like go inside to eat food? Like, no. This is just for people who ordered ahead of time through the app. And no one's ever in any of those spots ever. Well, I got to be real. As a guy who uses the McDonald's curbside quite a lot, I get upset when one of you normies is a, blocking the preferred curbside spot to just park normally.

I'm like, sir, this is reserved for McDonald's VIP Plus. I have monopoly codes that need to be collected right now. Be Dabler. Bdabler should be on this show if you want to talk about pre-ordering McDonald's. Anyway, early post-lockdown surveys came out and said that 61% of American diners said the service quality had dropped. 75% noticed the restaurants weren't open as long and 60% saw fewer menu choices.

So all of these restaurants were like, all right, here's the deal. We'll reopen, but we'll have our hours be shit. Kitchen's closed at 7.30. And there's fewer people staffing it. And the people who are in the kitchen have no idea how to make food. What the fuck?

By the way, speaking of what you were just talking about, it also trained people to use DoorDash and Grubhub, and Uber eats. So now every time you go to a restaurant. And I like to sit at the bar when I go to a restaurant. And I'll sit there and I'll order food. And I watch this happen. These fucking assholes, these delivery guys come in.

They're like, ah, I need this. I need this. And the kitchen's constantly churning out this food to go and ignoring everyone in the restaurant. Yeah. They're making pennies of the dollar because Grubhubhub and Uber Eats is taking the money. So the restaurants hate it, but they have to be a part of it because otherwise someone else will get the money. and they're ignoring their customers who are there who want to eat food while they're there. I swear to God, there was a time.

I used to go out to lunch for lunch meetings, right? Tell me more about this lunch. Okay, hold on. Stories. What do you eat? What'd you have? Here's a thing. When I was a business jerk, we'd go out for lunch meetings. And the lunch meeting would mean like, we got to get back to the office.

I have a meeting at 130. Got to be quick. I got to get back for this. Got to be quick. And the restaurants knew that. And they'd be like, all right. What do you want? They'd be on top of you.

Like, what do you want? They bring out the food. Now they act like you're fucking lollygagging because they can't believe anyone's there for lunch because everyone works from home. No one's like going out to a restaurant. So you go to a fucking restaurant for lunch. They're just like, uh, you probably have all day. Uh, I'll get you some chips and sell.

I'll be back in a half hour. Like, no, no, no. I'd actually like to order food and a drink at some point. They're not quick. It sucks. And then they don't, they don't come back to the table. That's what always drives me nuts. Dude, oh man, when I'm sitting there and I'm like, I just want a little more water or something.

Somebody help me out here. Here's the rule of service. Yeah. It's no longer the rule. No one cares. Once the food gets delivered, the server, the bartender, whoever's on top of it needs to come over and go, do you get everything you need? Are you good? What do you need?

What do you want? Because sometimes I need a little hot sauce or sometimes they didn't give me the dipping sauce that I order that I want. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Like maybe we don't have any napkins or utensils, which happens all the time. Like, hey, yeah, actually, we'd love some utensils. That'd be great.

And these fucking people, they see you get the, the food runner runs out the food. And they're like, all right, well, that's not my problem anymore. Oh, what does this fuck this happen? Dude, they never come back anymore. You're like, come on, man. You never come back. I never come back. I hate it.

I hate it. Here's what I've learned. And I'm having a hard time. Understanding this. Yeah. The service industry. hates us. They hate their customers. They don't want us there. They're actively trying to push us out. They're literally telling us they hate our guts without saying they hate our guts. And I keep coming back for like,

hey, but can I get a tequila and some chips and salsa, maybe some guise? Yeah, I don't know why you are doing that. Maybe stop doing that. Because I grew up in a world where restaurants wanted us to be there. They wanted patrons to come in. The whole point of the American tipping system is theoretically, people, have been, will be conditioned that, hey, if I give excellent service, I will receive a good tip. Now, there's a number of reasons that hasn't worked out perfectly. Certain ethnic demographics have failed to uphold the tipping situation in a way that is equitable. But it's still, it's still the kind of thing where I feel like the service worker, they're so expectant, everyone's too guilty about tipping.

Nobody wants to leave a bad, have you ever been tip shamed by like somebody you just ate with? No, because I always have a good tip Even when I get terrible service. That's the problem. Stop doing that. Why are you doing that? You're the fucking problem. You leave a shitty tip.

I have the problem. Yes. You're the problem. Europeans have this correct. Europeans, I remember I was hanging on a bar in New York and there was an Australian guy there. So not European. Completely different.

Whatever. And I'm talking to this Australian guy and we're shooting the ship. And we're just drinking beers and stuff. And then I'm leaving just tons of money on the bar. and we get done and the Australian goes, oh, you left all your money there. Yeah, yeah, that's for them.

He's like, huh? You couldn't fathom. That would need money for the bartender because in every other country, I was in Canada recently, I guess you tip a lot in Canada too, but every other country,

tipping is actually kind of seen as a little bit goche. You're like, oh, what do you want to be supposed to treat? Dude, I think it originally, its origins were like gosh. It was like, only rich people would do it to like get to prove something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they want special treatment because they want everyone else to not get that shit. But in America, we've, I mean, the restaurants and bars don't even pay these people. They're like, well, what the customers pay them? It's like, it's wild. You have to tip them. What do you tip a bartender for one drink? Oh, dude, if the drink is, let's say it's a bottle beer.

Let's say it's a bottle of beer. They take the, they take the, oh, dude, the bottle of beer. You have to give them two bucks for a bottled beer. I'm not giving them two bucks. I'm not giving them two bucks to get a dollar. I don't think. do it. I give him a buck. You get a buck for taking the top off a beer. A buck is more than what they deserve for that. Are you really getting two bucks for taking the top off of beer?

Yes. I'm guilty. I'm guilty. What are you doing? It's a dollar of beer to take the time. If they're mixing a drink, okay. I get it. There's like some craftsmanship going into it. Vito, the reason is because a bottle of beer is like seven bucks. So a dollar is less than 15%. The top of the beer is a nickel fucking the redemption. They should get a nickel. Anyway, you go here. You can keep the cap. Tipping is another problem I'll bring to the show at some point. I think we might have done that one at some.

I'm sure that's on the list somewhere. I'm sure you have. Anyway, the point is the service you get, the service industry actively hates their customers, doesn't want them there. And I am not wising up. I keep going.

I keep going to restaurants. Yeah, you're the problem. Like shit. Yes. Demand better treatment, Carl. That's the bottom line. It doesn't happen. All right.

Well, until you, learn to stop tipping $2. Do you tip on DoorDash? Do you ever get DoorDash? I do. I always tap. Well, it builds it. Dude, so I use Grubhot mostly, but I've used DoorDash and I've used Uber Eats.

It builds in the tip automatically, which also, total bullshit because you tip them before they get there. Right. It makes no sense. Yeah, it makes no sense. I mean, instances where they eat my fries or they go like often. I do get worried about the food tamper. sometimes. But luckily, I'm in an area where it's all desperate Asian immigrants, so I don't have to tip because they're just happy to have the work. Dude, I literally, there's a place called Dinosaur barbecue.

Yeah. Really good restaurant. Great food. Right. It's near my house. And I ordered that. We'll come near your house to go to Dinosaur Barber. Get on with it. We don't need to know this. It's not that near. I ordered from Dinosaur and it's delicious barbecue food. Yeah. And the guy goes and picks up the food. And I can see it on my app where the car is. and the car picks up the food and then drives to a parking lot and stops oh fuck he ate all my food

it never delivered it oh he didn't deliver it he didn't deliver it yeah he's just like this supposed delicious i don't think he was taking a rib he's like he's like he doesn't know he's he was gonna get eight ribs six ribs is enough ribs for this motherfucker dude this guy's just like i can make six hours or have a delicious dinner and he just had a delicious dinner so i don't use door das is why i can't do door dash i think i'd be fired after a day yeah all right Here's my problem, Carl, is, look, I try to stay away from this topic because it's a topic that if I get going on it, I'll go for a while. But I feel like I have to talk about it now. There's a new movie that's been announced from Disney.

And it is a movie that, I don't know, might make my fortunes again. It did put my YouTube channel on the map the first time around. We will be getting in the near, well, I don't know in the near future. I don't know how long it's going to take him to make this fucking shit. Star Wars, episode 10 is happening. Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

It continues. Is Ray the star character, or is Ray killed off? You know it, baby. It's the, well, here's the thing. So we were told, Carl, I thought they advertised it to this, the end of the Skywalker saga. Right. And we said, good. After episode nine, it's done.

I don't need any more. That's chapter 9 of the Skywalker saga. That's it. We're now being told this next one is chapter 10. So no, the Skywalker saga continues with Ray Skywalker for some reason. Here's my problem with this. Okay. Ray is an attractive woman.

I wasn't mad about her in episode seven. Daisy Ridley's a nice lady. Yes. I wasn't mad at episode seven. I was like, all right, whatever. Every Star Wars has to have a heroin now instead of a hero. Whatever. I'll go on with that. I was confused by seven, but I said,

let's see where we're going. Right. She's cute enough, whatever. Sure. If you watch Star Wars seven through nine, the amount of scenes she's crying in versus scenes where she's actually doing something impressive, the crying far outweighs her doing anything impressive. I'm sorry, how many times did the loose guy worker cry before destroyed the death star? Like zero.

What are we doing? Yeah. Dude, even when his fucking aunt and uncle died in front of them, They were Skeletors. And he's just like, I don't like that very much. He was bummed out. Don't get me wrong. He was super bummed.

He's like, oh, this sucks. But he's also just like, I didn't want to spend another summer at the fire anyway. He's like, that's what you get for not letting me go to Toshi Station, Uncle Owen. That's what you get. Exactly. So we're going to get episode nine. It's from John Watts, who directed the new Spider-Man movies. He also directed skeleton crew, which I did not watch.

That's the other Disney Star Wars thing. written by Simon Kinberg, who I think wrote all the bad X-Men movies and the Bad Fantastic Four movie and some other trash. And again, starring Daisy Ridley, and I think that's the biggest problem. I think maybe this problem is just Ray Skywalker, who is the worst character in any science fiction franchise ever. And I say that by the fact that she isn't a character at all. I don't understand who she. I watched three movies and I went, I don't really get who she is or why at all.

And then in the third movie, they went, well, she's Palpatine's granddaughter. I went, okay, that still doesn't really explain anything at a halt. Not even, like, slightly. Like, why, why is that important? Well, her parents got stabbed and now she's here. And also she's in a dyad with Kylo Ren. And I went, well, none of this makes fucking.

sense at all. Carl, the sequel trilogy is such a profoundly depressing and stupid thing that makes absolutely no sense at all. I don't think there's anyone. And I've, look, I've tried to research this Star Wars shit to talk about it. And even after

reading all the supplemental like materials and workbooks and whatever else, that kind of explain like how great. Coloring books. I love. Yeah. We've done it out. Little goo guys. Okay. Remember the part where they're like, remember the part where Ray Skyward gets in the Millennium Falcon

in the seventh movie and you're like wow she's really good at piloting the Millennium Falcon. That seems like that would be something hard for a random desert scavenger girl to do on her first try. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Do you know the explanation of how she learned how to pilot the Millennium Falcon?

Video games? You're actually correct, yes. Oh, really? She went to the arcade when she was a teenager? All those, remember on the planet? There was all those crashed star destroyers and shit? Oh, right. Yes.

So in the supplemental material that said she would crawl in there and fuck around in the flight simulator. And that's how she learned to become an incredible pilot. You're like, okay. That's so stupid. Well, I mean, all of it is like this Hail Mary shit at the end because there's two, okay, there was two guys making Star Wars. There was the guys making the movies like fucking Ryan Johnson and JJ Abrams who are like, none of this matters. We can just fuck around.

Never mention Ryan Johnson of my presence ever again, you know. I will smash you in the face. Not a big knives out guy. J.J. Abrams is fine. He's, he's not a good writer, let's put it that way. He's good at visuals. He's an excellent visual filmmaker, I think. He's an okay writer.

I don't know. What is he an okay writer of? What did he write that you like? So, episode eight. Star Trek? Star Trek was good. Episode eight was a fucking debacle. It was a disaster.

It turned into like PETA and animal rights and, Whatever, like girl boss shit. JJ Abrams had to fix all of that episode nine. No, no, no, no, no, no. Kind of pulled it off to some degree. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come on. You cannot say that JJ Abrams, if anything, he should have picked up the plot

threads left behind and done something with them. It said he just threw them all out. Yes, that was the right move. Like, Luke Skywalker's a fucking douchebag. Let's move on. Moving on. That's a little different. That one may be.

And I thought Luke should have came back to life, call me crazy. I still think they should do that. Uh, but how do you feel about the force like having all sorts of different things that it does in every movie? Every time that they reintroduced the force. It's a magic power. It doesn't matter. No this matters.

The crazy part is, is that a hot when he first shows up is like, I don't believe with the force. Like, how is that possible? These fucking Jedi are everywhere doing all this crazy bullshit all the time. That is really. complicated because Hans Solo had his own movie where his girlfriend ended up being like a Sith or something. How do you not believe in the forest? You've seen a lot of force shit going on. You should probably believe in it on some level.

You would think. Ah, it's all a bunch of mumbo, jumbo and tricks. All right, look, here's always been my theory is, and a lot of people think this is controversial. Carl, I think we just need to establish that the sequel trilogy occurred in a dark timeline full of nonsense and chicanery and tomfoolery. And you go, that's where the force splintered off. And oh, it created a splintered timeline where fucking Hans Solo's kid is a little bitch. And Leia does a little too much cocaine between movies. Yeah, yeah. It's evil Morty territory is what you're saying.

Exactly. This timeline is ridiculous. Right. This timeline sucks. Yeah. We're going to do another one. Let's why not? Dude, I'm totally okay with what they did movies with like deep fake Luke Skywalker, deep fake.

deep fake Han Solo. I would have no problem with it. I know it would be controversial, but I think people would be into it. You know, just de-age the actors. I'm sure Harrison Ford would take the money. Yeah, I don't care. Have a fucking kid play me and put my face on top of him. Because there's nowhere to go with Ray Skywalker. These movies are going to be about a lady who, let's be clear, she's not a Skywalker. She just went, hey, I remember that guy I hung out with on an island for like two weeks? I've decided to take his name. And you're like, well, that Doesn't make any sense. Didn't Leia train you for like years?

Why are you not Ray Organa? That would make infinitely more sense. If you said, yes, and my last name is Organa. I took it for my teacher, Leah. But no, she's Ray Skywalker for no reason. And then the next movie that's coming out is going to be Starfighter, which is about what's his name? A pretty guy.

He was in Blade Runner. Oh, the, uh, and Drive. What's the guy fucking from Drive? I don't know. Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling has to rescue a little kid and bring him to the race so she can train the next generation of Jedi. Yeah. Dude, they have nowhere to go with this.

There's nowhere to go. And they killed Kylo Ren, which was maybe the only other place to go. And they can't even go there because, dude, do you know what they were trying to? Adam Driver went to them. I forget which director was with, but Adam Driver went, hey, everybody kind of liked my Star Wars character. And they thought maybe we could do a little more there. So we've wrote a movie called, like, The Search for Ben Solo. and it's going to be about me coming back from the dead

and we can really play around with it. And literally Disney went, but you died in the movie though. Yeah. So yeah, but, you know, the force and magic. Spock was also lost. And they did a movie called The Search for Spock. Yes. They brought Spock back.

Yes, it's obviously, dude, literally the Disney people were like, but you only died. We can't bring you back. You only dead in Star Wars. It's about Ray now. Which I hate to say it. Like, I wanted to see more of Adam Driver,

Kyle Red. He was like one of the only interesting things about those fucking movies. And I would watch a movie about him. Whatever. At least it would be something to go on to this franchise. But instead we're stuck with Ray fucking Skywalker, a character I do not understand why anyone would be attracted or interested in her at all.

Too much time has passed too? Like, how old is this bitch now? It's in our 30s? What are we doing? I don't know. Dude. And they just did that Mandalorian movie.

And it like was, I think it was the lowest performing Star Wars movie of all time. I didn't hear. I didn't hear anything about it. I remember he came out and I was like, I maybe would go see that. Like the Mandalorian had some good episodes or whatever. I didn't go see it. I didn't hear anyone tell me they saw it.

I didn't hear anything about it. The funniest part of that movie was half of it's about Jabba the Hutt's kid. And he's voiced by that guy from the bear, the main actor from the bear. Fuck me. And Jabba the Hutt's voice kid speaks in this soft-spoken voice where he just goes, I just want people to know I'm not my father. I'm my own hut. I'm not like my father.

And he says it like 10 times. Like he keeps reiterating it. And you're like, I got it. You're not like your father. He's also a big beefed out slug. Like he's gotten all roided up and he's fighting in the pits to try and prove not all huts are big fat pieces of shit. I'm so mad. I'm so mad about everything you're telling me right now.

You've actually enraged me and I'm angry now. Yeah. On some level, though, he might be the best character in the movie where you go, well, he is his own man. He's not his father. I want to learn more about this rot of the hut and where his story goes. So Star Wars is in a creative rut. The only thing I could say is if this new movie comes out, it is a Ray Skywalker movie. I'm going to get rich making stupid videos about it on YouTube.

So that's the only golden lining there. Thank you, Carl. Ray Skywalker, voted out. Question for you, Bid up. Yeah. Let's say that they hire you. They've seen your videos. This guy knows Star Wars, he gets it.

Oh, yeah. He's the voice of the common Star Wars man, fan. What would you do? What direction would you take Star Wars in? What's the next move? You got to reboot the timeline, and he either do an animated movie starring Luke Scott Walker or you deep fake it, man. That's it.

I wrote my own Star Wars episode nine. I've been thinking about making it with the help of AI. Now that AI, I could just kind of make a trailer or an actual video out of it. Star Wars slop. Look, I really think you had to bring Coming in 2034. Shut up. After Leah died, after Leah died, you had to go, okay.

Well, obviously, the third movie was originally going to be about Leah. Now she's dead. We can't have Han, Leah, and Luke dead. That's too sad. I think they should have brought Luke Skywalker back to life. I don't think it's that big a deal. He could have said, hey, I didn't actually die. I disappeared into the.

the force and why did I disappear into the force to find all these dead Jedi to help you in the final battle by channeling their force into your magic lightsaber whatever but Ryan made Luke a douchebag we all hated Luke after he did we're like fuck this guy we give a shit dude he was such a little bitch he was such a little bitch oh he'd like the force why do you not like the force I'm not really sure that was the worst part I didn't even understand why at all I'm like what are you mad about I don't know I'm so on this island everything's sucks. So I'm. So that's how I would fix it.

Guys, vote on all the problems at biggest problem. That show. And don't forget to check out our new bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in Horror at patreon.com slash biggest problem. I'm going to play some voicemails now, and I'm going to cue them up like this. Hi, Vito, and whoever is costing this week.

My biggest problem in the universe is one of those give a book, take a book things. it's always other people's garbage books and every time you look in them it's always full so you can't even jump off your shitty books to someone else for them to never take. All right, thanks. This is a good problem.

It's a good problem. I live two doors down from a church. And I'm in the city, but I'm on the outskirts of the city. And they have one of those things where they have books, But they also have like toothpaste and other things that homeless people need. Wait, what? They have a toothpaste drop off, a take or leave it? Yeah, it's like, it's like for homeless people to come out and get.

And I'm like, can we not have that near my house? I don't need. But is it like new toothpaste or is it like a leftover half tube? I don't know. You don't know. You know, I have my own tooth. I buy my own toothpaste. I'm not sure.

My point is, is that I see this thing when I walk by and I'm like, why is this like two doors out for my house? I don't want this here. This is not. good for me whenever i go to the free book thing which is near my house it's either like how to use windows excel 95 and i go just throw it out no nobody needs this or the other day i went and i'm like hey what's in here and it was like a wet homeless blanket that i think had pee on it and i went well i think a homeless guy just figured out he can store his shit in here so you don't you don't need a short cut or fill down is that you're telling me that's no i'm good to go it's an excel joke

okay actually i i do have to constantly look up how to use excel So I've figured it out. I know how to expand my tabs now. The biggest problem in the universe is when two hosts run an improv bit into the ground until it's not funny anymore. Love you, bye. You figured out the show. Congratulations. That's been every episode.

I purposely try to avoid that. So if that's happened, I apologize. No, that's the theme. My boy, podcast, Prophet here. Holy Spirit is speaking through me. Hopefully, Carl, still around. does my Thai girlfriend have a penis something inside me says yes

okay the biggest problem in the universe is and there's a special place in hell for these fucking cunts you're in line at a grocery store or convenience store or whatever and the person's checking out in front of you and they get out of the like stop checking out oh hold on one more thing and then they walk off

go down the aisle go grab something and everybody else is just standing they're waiting those people are pieces of shit you should be thrown in a wood chipper feet first and rotten hell anyways thank you fucking bye have you ever been that guy Carl have you ever been that guy in the shopping line who has to go back and get one item you forgot no I would never do that I inconveniencing other people is something I never do I was in the grocery tour recently and this woman was complaining about the price this thing rang up for so then another employee had to go back and see what the price was and we're all standing there i'm just like is this

worth the 35 cents ma'am we're all staring at you we're all irritated this is fucking retarded i got i got to be honest that happened to me recently because they had you were that guy i didn't do it on purpose i didn't do on purpose i went to the shelf and the shelf said hey if you buy this soda and you get three of them. They're like four bucks each. And I said, that's a pretty good deal. They all get three of them. And then I went and they rang it up. And I said, I thought it was if you get three, they're like four bucks each. And she said, hold on. I'll go check. And they said, it's only for these sodas. And I said, oh, okay. And then I grabbed the sodas that she said it was. She rang it up again. And she went, oh, actually, I meant these sodas. There's a huge flydice. And I went,

I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't even want the soda that bad. So, yeah, I'm that guy. I felt real bad. What are you going to do? It was her fault. She didn't know which sodas were on sale. Just ring it up on sale. It's your fault.

Here's the problem. She could have manually discounted it. Here's the problem. Yeah. I always look at things like the grand scheme of life, you know? Sure. In the grand scheme, saving three bucks on the soda, what's that going to do for you? What will be the difference in your total existence?

Or do you just pay it and move on and live your life and do things? Yeah, but if it's advertised that it's on sale, I want the sale. That's why I bought it in the first place. You should be on sale. You're a loser. Sometimes, I think the tag was out there. I fucked up. You're officially a loser.

You know what I accept it. What am I going to do? Hey, there, Vito, maybe Carl. I don't know who else is there. This is the Mighty Plantain, just giving you a call, want to weigh in on the whole rape rule thing. Rape rules. A long time ago, somebody, a woman, believe it or not,

actually told me it's not rape. if you yell surprise first. That's New York State law. I don't know if that's going to hold up in court. I'm not saying it. I saw an episode Law and Order all about that. I'm not signing off on this. And Briscoe was like, well, did he yell surprise at a time?

And they had to try to prove yel over not he yelled surprise. No, no, no, no. No, no. No, no. You can send everyone. That's New York State law. Who's the guy who's always on Law and Order? What's his name?

That comedian guy. Ice tea. No, no, the one who's been on WATPs famously in many episodes of Law and Order. Adam Bush. Adam Bush has been in, uh, not Adam Bush. Oh, hold on. Are you talking about Tom Myers? Tom Myers was in the episode.

He was the guy who had to yell surprise and they were arguing whether or not he yelled surprise before having sex. That was the Tom Myers episode. This show is Jump the Shark. I do have to say somebody left a long voicemail about, hosts and hosting and you got cut off the first 30 seconds of it. So unfortunately, your voicemail did not get in the system. And this one, oh, wait, these are not the right ones.

Yeah, Artie Fletcher, that Cody guy, so I was thinking it too, Artie Fletcher. Artie Fletcher, that might be the guy. From Law and Order. Hey, Vito. My biggest problem. Yeah, that's who I'm talking about. That's him. Yeah, he was in a million episodes, right?

Yeah, he's every episode. He's in every episode. He was famous for her. I like that. Dude, Cody is, I got to be real. Cody is a resident WATP expert in the chat. He's on top of it. He's people fishing for a compliment. I was thinking about a friend who used to draw these like just cartoon characters,

but they would just be like Peter Griffin or Homer Simpson. And he'd be like, oh, these are terrible. Oh, these are terrible. And everyone's like, no, no, they're great. They're great. And you just have to pretend to. like them otherwise you'd have his feelings hurt anyways uh fuck you all right bye that's a good one that's a good one i think we've all had that in our lives oh it's not even good like i you know

i'm just not good at it at all right that reminded me we talked about this yesterday on the bonus show yes uh something that i am proud of is the isotopes new album the isos make a movie wherever you stream music check that out my band the isotopes what's the URL uh well i I mean, the Isops.com is the URL. But wherever you stream music, check out the Isles Make a Movie. It's our new album that just came out. And the premise is we made a movie soundtrack. We made a score for a movie that does not exist.

And every song on there is a different part of a movie that you would expect, like a car chase or a love scene or a fight scene or the bad guy show up or whatever. Did I already miss the 25th anniversary of your album release party? You did. Update the website. It's last weekend. Well, no, I mean, that's, we don't, that's just sorry. To remind you that you missed out on the fun. Anyway.

So what do I click up here? What do I, how do I find it? Is this one SoundCloud? Do I go to SoundCloud? Maybe. What do I look at you? Let's take a look. Continue to the website.

All right, well, you find, wherever you stream music. How do I find? What do you mean? Where do you can stream? Spotify, Amazon, Apple. SoundCloud. Where do you stream? Where do you stream?

I don't know nowhere apparently you don't see music you know about I think Spotify yeah spotify yeah how come is there it is right there's our new album all right there's me and why don't you put a link on the home page lucy tight box this thing what are we doing it let the web the isotopes make a movie currently available 22 songs Carl 22 songs 22 songs wait 38 minutes yep a lot of more short because it's a it's a movie score, you know. But you told me ending credits is the good one. That's a whole four minutes 30.

Ending credits is wild. That's a banger. Yep. All right, I'm going to play two seconds of it. I want to hear this. Can I just play it on spot? Let me hear. Sure. Oh, no, I have to sign it for a free Spotify account. Well, I can't. Never mind. All right, guys. Well, check out the isotopes make a movie. Thank you. But don't go to Carl's website

because apparently it's too complicated. You have to go to Spotify and search for the isotopes. Which makes no sense to me. We have a band camp. as well, whatever. You can find for the ice thumbs. You'll find us, I promise you. All right, it's all convoluted all this internet

music. Why can't I just go to Tower Records and pick it up on cassette tape? Exactly. What's up Vito and Carl? It's your good friend, Rex Dexton. Last episode featured a lot of penis and orgasm talk, so I figured it'd be appropriate for the resident cocktologist to chime in. That's me.

A much too recently was afflicted with some variety of ailments that made urinating and handling the penis in general in exercise and masochism. I don't know why I'm being cursed with pissing razor blades, but I guess that's what happens when you're deep-throated by some Tinder slut who apparently has thrush. Anyway, I'm going on about four days since my last release, if you will, when an old flame starts messaging me. It eventually turns a sexy talk. She starts sending me some nudes, which I attached to this voicemail, and despite my stoic intentions, can't help but comply when she asks me to make her a video.

And I'll attach that to this voicemail as well. No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No. No. and pictures to women, but knowing such a buildup existed inside me, I thought it might make

for a rousing entertainment. So I reached climax, launched the first rope, and nothing happens. I'm like, huh? Is my pheel stuck together? Yes. Then comes the second rope, and it feels like Superman fucking punching through an asteroid. I'm like, ah! And the third, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall, the major lip, I'm literally screaming

as wave after wave of salty cum, irritates whatever has manifested itself in my ear. rethrust. Oh, God. I can stop. And so now here I am, rising around and covered in jizz. It's flicking all over my computer and carpet. I'm just wishing that I had stuck my cock in a hornet's nest instead. So all this is to say, at about three minutes, it is the longest and most intense orgasm I've ever had. All right, there you go. Taking the antibiotic. So have you thought about that, Carl? You're talking about having a long orgasm. You thought about generating some sort of artificial blockage that then you will have to shoot your way through, as apparently happened to our boy, Rex. Sexton. I haven't thought about that, but now I do.

So I'm going to get some crazy glue. Bro, I'm eating. Sorry about that. No, super glue. That's interesting. Let's see if I can shoot through it. Glue it up. Glue it up, shut it off. And then get ready to,

now are you a shooter, Carl? Are you a shooter or a dribbler? I'm a shooter, buddy. I'm a big fan of the shoot. I got to be real. We've looked at, I've looked at the stats. Yeah. Okay, all these guys, I have my theory.

We've talked about on this show before. There's all these like new wave guys who are like, I'm just not into that sex stuff. I want to talk to the lady and cuddle. And I go, well, yeah, because you're a dribbler. Because there's certain guys who they can't shoot come. They can only dribble come. And statistically is a less satisfying orgasm.

Is that true? Yes. If you are a dribbler, you're having a less satisfying orgasm. So dribblers are less sex inclined. That's why some people will take, like the lock and. load supplement, which we should get as a sponsor on this show, by the way, to shoot harder and shoot farther. You know, it's exciting.

It's exciting. The muscles, the contraction I'm excited about. I'm very proud of how far I can shoot is all I'm saying, Carl. Of all the things I can do, shooting far is one of my, my, my, my, my, my, ever hit your own face? I mean, I'm not going to lie. I'm, I'm sure it's happened. Like, I'm not going to.

I'm sure it's happened. You would know. You would remember. I think I blocked out the memory. I think you would remember. You know, when you're like, man, what's going on? Nothing's happening here. Ah!

Ah! You know? You know? You know? Probably. I don't know. All right. Let's get a couple more super chats here.

Let's see who we got. Where are we going? Where are we? Is this where we are? Bobby Turcolino for two. He says, Vito, thank you. For another two. He says, thank you for keeping the show going.

Hey, thanks for tuning in, guys. We appreciate seeing you. Thanks for being. part of the magic. And don't forget, again, bonus episode, Biggest Problem and Horror at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Fierce anger just says, Carl. Hey, thank you very much.

You know, last night I was watching the Sabres game while we were doing the bonus show. What is that? I don't know you saw me doing this a couple times. Yeah, I did see it. The Buffalo Sabres. And they came back and beat the Toronto Maple Leafs and won in overtime, which was very exciting. Today I was trying to watch the baseball game, but they got rained out. There's no baseball game tonight.

So I got to pay attention to what we were doing instead. It was good. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you for paying attention to the show instead of watching sports. I mean, I can do both. I can multitask. I was like, I'm just interim host.

I don't got to really like knock it out of the park here. I brought two problems. What else you want? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You nailed it. All right. A.K. For five, Carl, that waiter probably took a dump before you got the food.

Tip appropriately. Dude, you're right. Ugh. I hate it. I am always worried about that. I only ever spit on one guy's pizza at Domino's. Don't spit on food, dude. It's a guy I knew.

He was a real piece of shit and he stole my Xbox. All right. I don't want to talk about that right now. That's the only guy. Another problem I had with restaurants. I have one of the restaurants. The bathroom that has no towels, it's just like the fucking hand dryer thing.

Dude, what is that? Go fuck yourself with that. The hand dryer has never worked at all. It doesn't work. And it just shoots the. the germs and viruses all around the fucking bathroom. It's not good. Just hang a sign that says,

wipe it on your pants, buddy, because that's what we're all doing. That's what we're doing. There's no other way around it. Bobby, for another two, says, I'm glad you're having fun now. Hey, it's all about having fun. And psychonautical for a big 20 says, respect to Carl for always tipping well. It is gauche not to tip.

I had a black server once a years ago that I overheard saying, I bet these white folks won't tip, so I left $50. He played you. He played you. Okay. It's both polite and to High Road motherfuckers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, he played you. He knew you'd overhear that. And that was like the psychological game he was fighting with you. I bet these whites won't tip at all. He said, I'm going to show them that equality is alive in America. Sir Cackington says, that's nasty, veto. Yes, I know. That was a bad thing I did.

All right, guys, this has been the biggest problem. episode 245. Once again, vote on the problem of the show. Check out the Patreon.com slash biggest problem. Check out Carl's album, The Iotopes, make a movie. Do you just robot out or was that on my end?

Oh, am I robotting? I know. It sounds like that to me. Coof comes in with five bucks. Thank you very much, Coof. Well, I guess there's a mod on the show, too. Thank you for not coming on yourselves. Thank you.

We love Coof. For not coming on yourself, Coof. Thank you, buddy. And all I said was take care of yourself, love yourself, pet your cats, call your mom. And don't forget to keep voting on all the problems. Bye-bye.