The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 25 - Bone Breakin' Grandpas

Episode Date: January 22, 2022

Eldercare, Broken Bones, Travel Insurance, "You Voted For This"

I don't know. I just haven't been able to stop laughing ever since that new Maddox video dropped. What was your favorite part about it then, smart guy? That was some good stuff. When he said, when he told kids that they were doing it wrong and then said no every time and said, gave out one of his snappy rejoinders like dip shit or shit head. Look, maybe I have an ant. Shit, dip head.

Maybe I have an antiquated sense of humor what is what is the joke when he told the kid that's not how sticks work that's not how sticks work that's a good but every time that's a good every time it was funny yeah cut to the kid painful 20 seconds of kids doing a test and then a guy who is way too excited to go, wrong! Shit dick! Wrong! He took a silly premise to its extreme and uh... Did he?

And he got it wrong too, by the way. He did. He missed one of them. He was wrong about the volcano thing entirely. I don't know if that was a bit or not. What do we know about Maddox? Yeah, well it would never a bit. It would be weird for him to make it a bit, because then he seems like he's stupid. He is stupid.

Yeah, because the volcano test does not have anything to do with volcanoes, nor noticing them. You know what? We did a great lead-in right there, and I forgot to do a rhyme. Well. How about that? How about that for disappointment? It's alright, you can chop it out. Then I have to edit it.

Okay, well, we'll get there real quick. Inflation. Okay, wait, wait, wait. We can't read the problems now. You gonna make it up on the fly? I don't know, man. You can rhyme something with grape. What possibly rhymes with grapes? Well.

Horrible things that happen to... Alright, I got it. I got it. I'm things that happen to... Alright, I got it. You'll get there. I'm leaving that all in just like that. Not cutting it at all. Biggest problem in the

universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only problem that ranks! The only problem that... The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From sour grapes to financial rapes. Boom! Of you. I'm your host Dick Masters and joining me as always is

Fino Giswaldi. Hey Dick. What's up buddy? Sorry I'm on so much ibuprofen. Yeah. Because of my broken foot. You know, God forbid I get something that actually kills the pain. Vicodin, hydrocodone, they're feeding those to a horse outside.

Do they really prescribe you? Well, not prescribe you, but just tell you to take ibuprofen? But not too much. Come on. I mean, I don't even know why we invented Vicodin. I honestly don't because you can never get it. You can only get it illegally. I think you fucked up, though. How. I mean, I don't even know why we invented Vicodin. I honestly don't. Yeah. Because you can never get it.

You can only get it illegally. I think you fucked up, though. How did I fuck up? Because when you go in, they got the smiley face and then the frowny face, right? And they go, how much pain do you have? You point at the 10. You go like this. You go, more 10.

I draw. Did they give you the smiley face? I actually draw an additional face. Yeah, you said no. face. I went to a dumber clinic. I went to a clinic that's full of more dumb people than that works on. They were handing those out at the clinic I go

to and people are like, I'm so fucking confused. The numbers threw me. The faces are, I don't know, I don't even know. I've never seen a man who looks like this in my life. I draw like a skeleton man on the phone. I actually make a copy and then scribble him all in in black. So I'm like, well, he's also got

generational pain. Right. Because he's black. And doing the frowning face. I need Vicodin for my generational pain. That's an 11. Never will give you one Vicodin. Well, you can go back. You can put a gun to a nurse's head down there.

I think Vicodin... You can put a chancla to a nurse's head in the barrio urgent care where I go. It's never going to get... You know, that's a sandal, Vito. I feel like they make you, you know, you got to go in a second or third time, and then eventually they go, okay, all right. That's called drug-seeking behavior. Well...

I didn't get that pain thing. How do you get drugs without seeking them? Let's be real. You know what annoys me about the pain scale? Okay, my problem is, what's my problem? Breaking bones. Let's just get that out of the way first of all, because I want to reintroduce it later. Sure. You know what's so annoying about that pain thing?

Who has in their mind ten levels of pain? Yeah. You got three. Like, if I said how hungry are you on a scale of one to ten? Like every emotion is just three about yeah, I could how are you fine good? Fucking fantastic. Yeah, right. What's the difference between an eight or a nine? How hungry are you not I could eat I'm fucking starving man. Yeah, I'm starving. Let's go Yeah, how much pain are you in on a scale of 1 to 100?

Oh, jeez. Let's see. Probably like a 67.5. Do people know? Have we told people the reason that broken bones is your problem? We got to get to housekeeping first. Housekeeping. Last week was inflation.

That was mine. Ah. Biden did that. Oh, is that what happened? He did it? Specifically? It has nothing to do with the ongoing health crisis, which he in no way engineered or was responsible for.

No crisis. Which was initiated under the prior president, if you want to point fingers at anybody. I know. Trump blew it. Kind of did. He really blew it. He really fucking blew it. In kind of did he really blew it he really fucking blew it inexcusable for what he did to us by promoting this covet hoax yeah and promoting

the uh what are you calling vaccine vaccine heart attack serum yeah how dare he yeah he killed bob saget trump killed bob saget okay make that t-shirt and And Louis Anderson, too. No, Louis died of cancer-related complications. But that's COVID. Yeah, that's COVID. Second, forced diversity in film. I'll take it. Sour Grapes is after that. Negative.

No, was it really? No. Oh, fuck everybody. That's because everybody's suffering from sour grapes all the time. And I also put up a negative with too long of media. Too long of a media. People pointed out, they're like, oh, I'm glad you used this problem for the longest episode of the show ever. We spent a lot of time arguing last week.

I saw that. Oh, we had a lot to catch up on. We had a lot to catch up on. Benjamin Swearingen says, Vito's problem is not getting the right kind of fast food, and TV remote has inconvenient buttons. Next week, treadmills and vegetables. That's what he said. Oh, shit.

I got to come up with two new problems now. Throw these ones out because you already fucking guessed them. Dave, the Fed justification that low inflation is a good thing makes no sense to me either. Zach says, Hey, Dick, I'm a theater actor in Canada. Oh. Oh, boy.

Wow. La-dee-da. Yeah. I'm a theater. Must be a big name. Hello, Dick. I'm a theater actor in Canada. Eh?

Eh? And just this past year, the Actors Union has mandated that companies use an ethnocultural mandate in their casting policies. Many companies are taking this as an opportunity to cast everyone except for one group. Picture attached. You want to see what this picture says? I can only imagine what this picture would be. That's from the union audition email list for Canada.

It's already hard enough to make a viable career in theater. Spells it theatree. Yeah. Without being obviously and unequivocally discriminated against. Not to mention the reaction the pandemic decimating any career involving a live audience. But I digress. I feel like the only actors we import from Canada are comedians, so get funny. This is a statement.

Should I read this? Go ahead. The Arts of Fire, which I assume is a theater company, is committed to diversity and encourages submissions from people of all genders, ethnicities, abilities, and cultural backgrounds. Oh, they want everybody. For this production, however, we are working towards a cast and artistic team that is 100% female and or non-binary and 100% First Nations, Mitzvah, Inuit, and or bi POC.

Oh, I see. But we're still accepting submissions from all backgrounds, and we welcome all to apply. What background's missing in that? What the hell? Yeah, who's missing from that one? Okay, let's see. We got the rainbow. We want women.

Women. Native Americans. Yeah. Bi POC. What is that? People of color. Bisexual. No, I don't remember what the BI is.

Yeah, it's bisexual. No, people of color. I think black and indigenous. Black No, people of color. I think black and indigenous. Black and indigenous people of color. Okay. And bisexual. So women can be any color. And men have to be...

BIPOC. BIPOC. So that feels like it leaves... Just leaves out... I feel like we're missing some sort of male... I don't know. Maybe white part of it. How can you say you're working towards a team that's 100% that,

but white guys, you can still apply? Just say, you know, like as a goof. Put as a goof, you're welcome to apply. It would be funny if you did. It's a goof. White guys, it's a goof. guys It's a goof that Applied just to be funny Just so you know so we can laugh

Why doesn't it just say no whites It should just say Mandate or cast excitement No whites Because they can't just say They think it's better to have ten paragraphs About how you know No no no no not just you, it's not about white men.

It's the BIPOC and the Inuits. But all the people they're looking for can't read. Okay. All right. Let's just move it along. Okay. Looming in Okinawa says Vito's last four problems were he can't avoid all I am a fat nerd problems. Yeah.

He can't avoid pressing buttons on a fat nerd problems. Yeah. He can't avoid pressing buttons on a remote because of fat hands. He can't enjoy his entertainment as much. Movies and television movies are bad and video games are too long and

he can't order food on his phone. What do you think about that? I think that the problems on occasion come from personal experience.

Yeah. I think we should celebrate my unique cultural background and things that I might encounter on a daily. What are your fucking problems? occasion come from personal experience yeah i think we should celebrate my unique cultural background and things that i might encounter on a daily what are your fucking problems all right your problems are like lap dances cost an extra dollar like come on um oh my problems are they talking about that guy all problems what are his problems yeah who's calling in he's got a lot he's leaving youtube comments that's a mental disorder. You have your own problems.

Let's see. Mr. Zanin says, Private lap dances in Australia are 50 bucks. I once took two girls with me and asked the stripper for a dance for all three. She said 150 bucks. I said, how did you figure that out? She says, well, 50 bucks for each one. I said, it's the same fucking time for you.

You're not giving us anything more. Math wasn't her specialty. See, but but she's wrong but she's also right Because you're gonna pay more You could have a slightly Inflated rate but at that point Why would all three of them not just get an individual dance Yeah cause it's hotter To have all the girls in there

But Three times the price is way too much. No, that's absurd. They've done that to me many times. I want to group rate. And then sometimes it's nothing, and sometimes it's, oh, yeah, I'm timesing it by two or whatever, timesing it by three. And then it's like, oh, no.

I feel insulted. Don't let the stripper do math. Why don't you propose the number? Yeah, you go, listen, I got a breakdown for you. We got a 1.4 multiplier four square like a car salesman what's your age what's your age okay we're gonna take that i'm gonna put that in this box right you said 18 right i'm gonna pretend i heard teen i'm gonna put 18 yeah don't let a stripper do math for you uh zero dick and veto arguing over the specifics

of lap dance like song length price or who gives it was hilarious. Oh, thanks, Zero. Okay, here's my problem. Do you have any more comments on that? No, I do not. Okay, here's my problem. Broken bones. I broke my foot walking my dog.

Oh, my God. Broke my foot this morning on the precipice of what would be the most funnest week of my life. Oh, no. Going to Portugal with Ralph. When were you guys leaving? Tomorrow? Tomorrow at like 5 in the morning. Wow.

So all I had to do was get up and do nothing today. I was hungover for arguing with Amy Therese on the Killstream last night. Yeah, I saw that. And I, did you think that was funny? It was, yeah. Thanks. Great appearance. And it was already, the dog you think that was funny? It was, yeah. Thanks. Great appearance. And it was already, the dog didn't,

the dog wasn't even going crazy. I just wanted to take her for a walk. I get halfway through my walk and she's sniffing around in some weeds or something like this. And I wanted to give her a little bit more room. So I take a step over with my left foot,

roll, instantly rolled, and honey, come get the dog! God damn it! Hi, Maddie. Will you shove her out there? I'm trying. Maddie, get out of here. Get out of here.

You're going to give me a broken foot next. I have to yell because otherwise she doesn't hear. I take one step over, roll my ankle, and I think, oh, well, that's okay. And then the most sickening pop, like,

come on, like you're popping into, like you're eating some chicken and you pop a ligament, you know? And I said, I just collapsed, started crying. No, there goes all the whores. Just curling to a ball. I could feel the whores going through my fingers.

No, like ghosts. No. No. All the heroin was going through my fingers. Whores waking up from a dream. Going away. I picture this like an old school cartoon. You get the thought bubble over your head and all the,

I'm going to have, yeah, just strutting down the lane and all of a sudden. No. Oh. So it ended up breaking. Exactly. My fifth metatarsal. I'll get there. Yeah.

So I get my phone out. No signal. The dog's attacking me. I'm like, okay. Did you have to crawl home? So I start hopping into a signal area. Like, I know this area because I always walk this area. So I know when the cell goes out.

So I hop over to a regular spot. I call an Uber. Or I dial up an Uber. I'm like, hey, I don't have a mask. Can I have a dog? That's not an Uber, or I dial up an Uber. I'm like, hey, I don't have a mask, and I have a dog. That's not okay. Like, I understand, but I just broke my foot. I need to get to a hospital or something.

And he doesn't answer. I'm like, all right, well, let's see. Jesus. People walk by, back and forth. Oh, I love your dog! And I'm like, oh! That's fucking fantastic! Fuck you!

With their mask. They're like, oh Oh put your mask on Yeah Uber guy shows up And you know Take a Take it home Get to the thing Take the x-ray

So did you take an Uber To the hospital? No I Drove myself To several urgent cares Cause they don't Cause of COVID Right

They don't have They don't have X-ray techs on staff. So it's not just there's one guy. I'm chasing him from place to place to see where he is. I go get x-rayed, and it looks like it. I could see it from the other room. It looks like a Pac-Man chunk.

I'm missing out on your part. I'm missing out on it. I think, come on, man. Now you understand. Here's my stats. Six million fractures occur every year in the U.S. Yeah. Fractures occur at an annual rate of 2.4 per 100 population.

Who is that stat for? The first one was fine. The second one is garbage. Men are more likely to experience fractures than women. 2.8 to 2.0 yeah how about that well so this is a problem that in hard men working hard exactly happening to men who work hard i tried to look up how much it costs people in labor lost labor every year yeah but all i got was a bunch of loss lawsuit websites there's a lot of those. Anyway, my point is,

I'm now basically in prison for two months. I can't... Is that how long they tell you it's going to take to heal? Yeah, like two months. Oh my God. I have to live the life of an app.

No working out. No steps at all. Just sitting... You do arm stuff, right? You do curls from your... i could beat off with one hand while i'm doing curls with the other i'm living the life of now a normal man and it makes me want to kill myself normal man a normal man sitting there sitting on a couch watching netflix i can't drink i can't drink what are you talking about that retards the healing process yeah you can't drink I can't drink What are you talking about? That retards The healing process

Does it? Yeah you can't drink Well you can't drink to excess What am I gonna have? Fucking daiquiri Over here I think you can get drunk A little bit

I don't think it retards The healing process that much My girlfriend was I could hear her fist pumping Over the phone When I told her Yes Just like in misery She goes Yeah Yes I could hear her fist pumping over the phone when I told her. Yes.

Just like in Misery, she goes, yes. Yes. Look at this. Kiss these babies goodbye. Say goodbye to those. You're going to look like me in two months. Or worse. People are going to tune in and they're going to go, wait, when did Vito get a fatter, uglier friend to host this show with?

That's what's going to happen. And I didn't shower. That's the worst part. When am I going to shower again? Who knows? Okay, well, you can still get yourself in there, I assume. No, it's too traumatizing. Anything that reminds me of my old life.

We're going to have to get you a shower chair, you're an old man, you're going to have a rag on a stick. You know what? I've wanted a shower chair my whole life. I kind of want a shower chair. Let's get shower chairs. Good ones are expensive, surprisingly. How the fuck do you have a bad one? I get like really cheap like plastic ones just I bet I could make one yeah out of cinder blocks I get big PVC pipe mmM put like a

Chair on it. You know One of those really shitty ones. Oh, okay, doesn't break Yeah Let's just go get some Target Some chairs at Target Let's have a shared shower Let's get shower chairs Let's get shower chairs Seriously Let's see how it goes

Do they have a I think we could go to A medical supply store Would be the This old guy used to Live in this house Yeah So I get old people

Stuff catalogs Yeah And they have stuff like that Shower chairs Bath Shower bathtubs Where the door opens Like a car

Like a bathtub I love the bathing experience Trapped? I'm trapped You're trapped I'm trapped Who's gonna walk that dog? I killed a dog Just let it run away

You're gonna have to walk this point. Just let it run away. Let it run away. We got it on my house. You're going to have to walk it by wheelchair. I Bidened myself. Yeah. You tried to grab the dog coming out of the... The average person will experience two broken bones over the course of a lifetime. So it affects everyone. Everyone's lost two months to this shit.

I had a broken arm as a kid. No fun. How'd you break it? We had an above ground pool rather than use the ladder like a gentleman yeah i'm just gonna swing over the side landed on my arm in the pool no i uh getting out of the pool oh you try to get out yeah okay and uh did not land correctly well that's. I'm missing out on the week of a lifetime. Yeah.

I still think you should, uh, born on the 4th of July and just, uh. What does that mean? You go around in a wheelchair and just. Drink? Yeah, pretend to be a war veteran. I think I'd fuck up my, I think I'd fuck it up worse. You bring the, uh, you bring the hooker home and she takes your penis out and you go, no, it doesn't work. It doesn't work.

Just get out of here. You never saw Born on the 4th of July? No and you go, no, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Just get out of here! You never saw Born on the Fourth of July? No. That's Tom Cruise plays that. His dick doesn't work? Yeah.

You put that on film? There's a big scene. I'm pretty sure it's Tom Cruise where, I hope I'm not wrong, where he gets a hooker and she starts playing with his crippled penis

and he just goes, no, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Just get out of here! Just get out of here Just get He kicks her out Wow That was

Roger Stone Not Roger Stone Oliver Stone Screaming about his dick Doesn't work They should put that In movies See

Cause they have like Women's body Image problems Yeah But they don't They don't give enough Like guys dick not working We don't get enough

Of those scenes We don't get enough Of that So it's like We should respect Those Yeah It's always about women They don't give enough Like guys dick not working We don't get enough of those scenes We don't get enough of that No So it's like We should respect those Yeah It's always about women

Yeah having an abortion And dealing with that trauma What about your dick Stop your dick It doesn't work That's way more traumatizing Even after an abortion Right

Where's the Where are the movies about that Anyway That's my problem Well dick Yeah That's a That is a tragedy you know because i really

hate hearing about things happening to the elderly community which is why my problem is elder care see the thing about these old people dick is they're just stumbling around walking their dog next thing you know they take a tumble, break their hip, break, as in your case, a foot, and the costs are just astronomical. Yeah. Most adults, or many adults, have no long-term health care plan, and some assume that Medicare that's going to kick in at age 65

is going to cover those health costs. Is that when it kicked in for you, Dick, 65? Yeah. Yeah. Good. Pretty good deal. The thing is that most people end up having to pay out of pocket the median yearly cost of an in-home care with a home health aide, $50,000 median cost.

Do you want to be costing $50,000 to have a nurse in your house? Yep. Median. That's a pretty... How much? Are they there every day uh it says in-home care i don't know if that's daily actually yeah it probably would be daily care it's pretty good why don't i get some of that you why don't you get one yeah just for all

you know you absolutely having drinks and stuff but uh OnlyFans. You end up in a nursing home, median cost, $105,000. $105,000 a year? Yep. That adds up. That's way too expensive. Yeah. You didn't know this? No.

Did it cost like a fucking fortune? No. Yeah, basically what's happening is people are going bankrupt putting their parents in a home. It destroys your finances 100 people uh just bleed through their savings they're like a nightmare old people are like a nightmare yes like are they cost so much money to keep alive and it is a huge drain and they're barely functional yeah you have to see them it's like why did i pay all this money to keep you alive Right

Having a parent in a nursing home is like having a timeshare Cause you have to use it You have to go see it Or else what's the point You know Every fucking vacation Every Sunday And secretly there's a part of you that's going

Oh my god why won't she just die It's not so secret They joke about it all the time Did you know I mean I hope you would know Medicare is the second largest program in the federal budget I did know that Totaling 776 billion

12% Of total federal spending Now that also goes to retards and cripples But most of it is going to these old people just to keep them alive for no real reason no reason we feel like indebted to them i don't know why their votes yeah it's always been to buy their votes and keep them alive i mean it used to be cool when like some of them were like world war ii veterans and shit but why i don't know because you're like well at least you killed a bunch of Nazis.

We'll give you some medication or some shit. Not enough. Apparently. I mean, they could have gone a little bit harder, I guess. Wait, why isn't World War II veterans? Why is that cool? Because, you know, they kind of did something with their lives that we're supposed to be like, all right, you knocked something out of the park there.

Put your life on the line. I guess we can push up a home. Oh, shut up. What do you mean? You want that fucking Axis to win, you psychopath? Do you know that Medicaid, however, is a... It's the bank problem. You ever read about Medicaid, which is the...

Yeah, it's a big scam. Well, it's the super poor people's version of... You have to be... Do you know you can't have more than $2,000 in assets to qualify for Medicaid? You can't have an iPhone? No. No! I don't think you can have an iPhone!

$2,000 in assets? $2,000! Like, you're exempt from your house and your car, but they're basically like... So you live in the projects? Yeah, something. And you have, like, Pokemon cards, but not too like the projects? Yeah, something And you have like Pokemon cards but not too many? No, no, no, if you have Pokemon cards you have to sell them

Like you cannot have more than $2,000 in assets. You can only have the crummy ones Like they literally force you to continue living, like they've even said like yeah if you want to save up money to buy a different car, you're in violation of the program. Oh wow You have to be as poor as fucking possible

to get this do they fix your cancer anything no they just like have to pay all your medical bills basically i think i but then they don't let you do anything right yeah it's all i mean i know that i know that it's not good it's all and i know that my health care is the very best you can pay so it's and i hate it yeah so it's got to be worse than what I have. No, I'm sure what they get is not. I don't know if they pay their costs for being in a home or whatever else. What do they get covered? If they get cancer, do they get, like, candles or something?

You can get home care assistance under Medicaid, but right now the waiting list for home care assistance is 800,000 people with an average wait time of three years. I don't understand. So not only is it wildly expensive, but you can't even get it, so who cares? There's a wait list of a million people? Yes, trying to get home health care on Medicaid. And to do so, they had to sell everything they owned to get on the waiting list.

They had to sell all their assets to get on this list. We have 800,000 people that have less than Pokemon cards. Less than my Pokemon card collection. That are worth less than what I have on me. I was looking at what's covered. You're allowed to have your wedding rings, your car,

and your house. Why do they let them keep the wedding rings? You know there's somebody in government who's like, let's force them to sell their wedding ring. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Uh, do they, does the stuff they have in their teeth count? Uh, the golden, no, they have to knock those

out. You're allowed to have general home appliances. You can have a nice TV. Oh, okay. Phone. I guess women get

whatever they want. Probably be covered. Yeah. Women get all their all their favorite toys and blenders and shit. Wait, so you got 800,000 people that aren't benefiting from it. For home health care they're trying to get. They might be benefiting in some other way.

Why do we have, that are waiting to get home. Yes, waiting to get home health care. That means they need it, right? I would assume that they are drooling on themselves and probably need it. So if we have 800,000 waiting, why do we have it for anyone? What's the difference between a million people waiting

and five million people waiting? To me, nothing. It's not me, so fuck them. Yeah, what's the difference between... Well, it's just crazy The amount of money That we throw out And we're not even covering More than a million people

Who apparently need this help And You could say You could tell somebody that stat And if you said six million They'd have the same reaction Yeah Like oh a million people

Wow Oh five million people Wow So then what's the difference Yeah if If your gut reaction Is the same amount Why don't we just

Why don't we just not have it Stop helping Old people at all okay what else are you gonna say it's a terrible drain on just the economy uh old people we don't know what to do with these people and it uh it does impoverish their family members who are trying to keep this alive they're saying a uh a male female couple so let's say your mom and dad, can expect that after retirement, after age 65, will typically spend $285,000 on health care expenses. In total? In total, yes.

That's not that much. You don't think $285,000 in health care? To keep themselves together like death becomes her? I don't think that's... How much should they spend? That's assuming that they don't, I think, have to go into one of these... What do you call it? If they have to go into assisted living, that's $100,000 a year. This is luckily...

Most people are able to just peacefully die in their home. Like, you know... Yeah. You just die at a reasonable age. We don't keep you alive forever. $285,000. Wow. That is for couples. Broken down by gender alive forever. $285,000. Wow. That is for couples.

Broken down by gender, the estimate is $150,000 for women, $135,000 for men. So women are in need of more care. I don't know. Complaining. Yeah, they're just coming up with new ailments. The bed's not soft enough. And again, with the broken bones, not only feet, but around 250,000 hip fractures annually among the elderly.

That's like my problem. That's exactly your problem, Dick. Which is why I want to get you Life Alert, which handles over 2 million calls a year and on average

saves at least one life every 11 minutes. Wait, wait. 11 minutes? Yeah, every 11 minutes they save a life. My friend, her grandpa

just fell. Did he have life alert? He had just canceled it because he said it was pointless. Oh my god! He's been in and out of the hospital for like two months. If he had a life alert, would it have gotten him earlier? Yeah. Everyone.

I think. How come that's not free then? The life alert? That's a private company. The government would have to buy you a life alert. I don't think the government's going to buy you a life alert. So the government can buy me 20 doses of a vaccine I don't want. They can buy all kids books, which I don't want any of them to have from private. But they can't buy old people a fucking. Clicker.

A clicker that says I'm dying. If every old person has a clicker, we've got to hire more clicker monitors. It's a whole economy of scale. I kind of doubt it. Yeah. It's like that, stuff like that, and like public transit,

that they charge money for that, drives me insane. It's like, why are you pretending that poor people are like paying their fair share to get on the bus? Yeah.

Why do you have this whole system set up to that fucks only me over to pretend to help these people? You can't get them the basics of like falling and not being able. I needed that on my run. Yeah. Government sponsored life alert might be, might be a solution. Actually a solution to the biggest problem, which elder elder health care costs how much is the total total how much is the total being spent yeah again i think the best to look at would be the

medicare uh budget which is 776 billion wow which uh we shouldn't be spending any i don't know if you get to if you get to 70 and you didn't scrape together a couple of bucks... That's on you. Man, come on. I think the government should intervene and help people. Well, I mean, that's the idea behind Social Security, is that everyone's so stupid, so we're going to invest it for you, but we're not doing a very good job with that.

No, that's not the idea. I thought the idea would. The idea has never been to invest. It's just been to take money from young people and give it straight to old people. Well, that's what's happening, but I mean. No, that's what it was. It was not.

It has never been an investment. I thought it gets entered. I thought they earn interest on what's in Social Security. No. No. They get the money goes directly. You get a little tally that says how much you've put in and how much you're going to get, but that's in no way tied to real money.

The real money is you just get it from young people. Well, that seems like there would definitely never be enough money. Yeah. I thought they'd take the money from you and they invest it. No. And then. No, ironically if they. I mean, they pay it to the old people.

I'm not saying that your money directly comes back to you You thought that they invested it? Yeah No Because then we'd be fine If they did that But what they did was Social Security starts today

We're taking young people's money And giving it straight to you So they got shit loads And never put anything in Well that's not a good system at all, dick. No, well, that's how it works. I hope your foot feels better, Grandpa. Here's my other problem.

Travel insurance. Yeah. Oh, I didn't want to say it, but I had to say it. That Ralph bought travel insurance? Well, I was listening to your stream When Ralph goes I purchased travel insurance Flight insurance

And in the greatest Shootin' fruity Shootin' fraud Whatever You go What a waste of money What a waste of money It is

Yeah They make those They have managed to price Travel insurance Exactly at the point where you don't want it yeah like if it was if it was five bucks i'd be like yeah sure yeah that's reasonable 20 bucks 20 bucks 25 that's reasonable like you go on a plane and you look around and it's not like half the plane's missing but the travel insurance will cost you like half the price of your ticket.

So you think back in your life like, well, how many have I needed? I've never needed this before. I've never needed it. And I've flown a hundred times. So this times a hundred does not make sense. That's the math you do in your head, right? Like when I skip, when you drive drunk,

you go, how many times have I done this? thousand yeah never got right what's one more probably not gonna you go through those those red lights that say get on the freeway or not like on off how when's a cop gonna see you i've never once stopped at one of those i should start doing that and what's the ticket 400 bucks yeah so i've saved so much money oh even if? Yeah. So I've saved so much money. Even if I do get caught, I've saved so much money in gas. From cost-benefit analysis is simple. Simple cost-benefit analysis. Yeah.

But not with travel insurance. It's just a big goddamn scam. Right? So what annoys me about it is that you're not getting on the plane. Yeah. So they could resell it. You're not costing them any of their precious fuel or peanuts. Peanuts are a big part of it.

You're not doing the thing that they sold you. Yeah. Right? You're not taking anything from them. So why don't you just get the goddamn money back? Well, dick. They can give it to you for what?

It makes sense for them to give it to you for the travel insurance? I don't think so. I think that's just a scam that the travel agent's trying to sell you because they make like 40%. It is an unreasonable price for the travel insurance. You should call up, however, and request your peanuts. Oh, thank you. You should say, I paid for the travel insurance you should call up however and request your peanuts oh thank you you should say i paid for the flight i want my towel and my peanuts and my in-flight magazine sent it to my house i went there to cancel my tickets to portugal yeah and it gave me actual math deducting my ticket cancellation fees and my 50 off because i didn't

have travel insurance fees and it gave me math to how it was $0 that I was being refunded. And then I said, would you like to accept your refund of $0? Why the fuck would I do that? Right. Why would I do that? Why don't you just say, go fuck yourself.

You didn't get the travel insurance, you idiot. They can't give you anything like some sort of flight voucher. I complained a lot. Yeah. I said I tried to stop a rape and I was hit by a train. You got to have a family member fake a death. Is that hard to do?

Yeah. That was in Seinfeld. Did they do that in Seinfeld to cancel a ticket? Yeah. Someone died. Yeah. George tried to get the death certificate.

Well, that's funny. That's how you do it. That's the double-dipping episode. What was I going to say? Yeah. It's a scam. It costs too much money. It costs too much money.

They make 40... It all goes to the person selling it because the only people who buy it are idiots. Except for Ralph. But so much of... 40... It all goes to the person selling it because the only people who buy it are idiots. Except for Ralph. But so much of 40. It's not insurance.

It's just a fuck you. Too bad he can't transfer his to yours, you know? Be like. You know what? Well, yeah, I guess he's flying out of Washington, D.C. though. I was going to say, I wonder if there's any way to finagle it where he cancels his tickets. It's just all travel insurance, all car rental insurance, and when it's there,

just by it existing, it makes you dread the lead up to your trip. If you ever have a rental car, nobody buys the insurance, but every time they give you this sob story like, well, you sure you don't want the insurance? Because one

lady got hit, totaled her car and you have to pay rent every day if you do that and she ended up bragging i'm thinking why like you guys you see that the car's destroyed just i know that you have it insured right it's already insured raping people because like why do you keep raping the like one out of a 10 000 people that is unlucky why do you keep raping, like, one out of 10,000 people that is unlucky? Why do you do this? Yeah. Someone should kill you. Isn't that kind of the whole concept of insurance is that the one in 10,000 people who's unlucky

ends up getting the benefit of the insurance? Of all the people. Of all the people. But that's not the way it works for travel insurance. Travel insurance is, they just exist to fuck over someone who's vulnerable and try to sell you a scam insurance policy

for them fucking you over. It seems unnecessarily balanced in their favor, the cost-benefit. Because, yeah, you're right. I've been on, I don't know, 50 flights.

I've never needed travel insurance. But people are buying it. If it was 10, 15 bucks, maybe I would just get it. Yeah. Yeah. Like the never needed travel insurance. If it was $10, $15, maybe I would just get it. Like the price of a beer. Because when Ralph said it was, what, like $150? I'm like, what the fuck is the point of that?

You just get another ticket at that point. Yeah. I gotta be playing real fast and loose to use this thing. You know it's a scam. Trip cancellation insurance, which somehow never... Airbnb, that's a great... I tried to refund the Portugal Airbnb

to get my money back. They said, oh yeah, absolutely. We can give you 50% of your money back minus the first and the last days. What the fuck? I rented this less than 24 hours ago. What do you mean? What if I had COVID?

And they said, well, if you rented it after a certain date, then it's not COVID because you knew that COVID existed. I said, well, when's the date? March 20th, 2020. I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me. You're just getting shellacked on this whole thing, huh? Auto rental, because I already talked about that one. Travel accident insurance. Lost

luggage reimbursement. So if we lose your bags, you have to pay in advance for us to do anything about it. For us to argue with you about the bags. Yeah. What is this? Why do we

bail these guys out? Why don't we sue airline companies for causing 9-11? You got a good point. If cigarette companies... It's the same as handing a loaded gun to a child. Yeah. Putting those things in the air. You get thrown into prison.

If you leave an unlocked gun in your house, prison. Suing drug manufacturers for causing addiction and overdose. Suing gun manufacturers. Yeah. For school shootings how come american airlines didn't get sued for 9-11 they caused it they let terrorists on their plane they hired total vaginas to fly the plane and not fight like i would have done yeah in that situation you would have taken them down like you would have done too yeah a guy with a box cutter

comes in trying to take my plane flip it away away from him. Yeah. Flip you for real. Those guys are not. They don't have quick wits. They grew up in the sand. Their eyes are all adjusted to squinting through the dirt. We are wide-eyed American ways. Bam. Bam.

See everything that's going on at once. Yeah. You know what I would do? Hold the door shut. Easy. That's incredible. Easy stuff. would do hold the door shut easy incredible yeah it's a little weird that our previous hijacking policy was just let them do whatever they want yeah we never once thought like well what if they want to crash the plane crash the plane no nobody ever questioned that i guess all the previous

hijackings because there was an era of like friendly fun hijackings yeah crimes which i wish we could get back to where it's like oh just drop me off in costa rica and give me like a million dollars and we're like i love this guy sure thing a lottery ticket and every every good guy in the plane is like honey i should what do you i should try that what do you think about that do you think you could hijack a plane i think i could get in on that oh no you could and then these islamic guys go and they ruin the fun for everybody with their jihad. Who, George Bush? Yeah, George Bush.

Who started it with Afghanistan? Uh... Wasn't Reagan? Probably Reagan. Alright, that's my problem. Have you ever bought travel insurance? I don't think so, no. Then you feel so stupid.

Imagine showing up to your plane. Well, enjoy my $150 then. Yeah, you feel stupid when you land. You go, hmm. It just doesn't make any sense. It should be, how many times does this happen? It should roll over to your next flight. Yeah.

Yeah. If it covered like five flights, I'd go, well. Alright, that's pretty good. If it was the five flights, I'd go, well. All right. That's pretty good. Yeah. If it was the amount of times that this has happened that they have not been able to recoup their costs from divided by all the people who buy it, it'd be a couple cents. Wow.

Because they're doing fucking business. Welcome to the capitalist system where they bleed you dry. It's not the capitalist system. It is the free market inaction, my friend and my libertarian lover. What is your problem? My problem, Dick, is when you try to have a discussion about something and someone chimes in with a particular phrase. I have an example here where this was actually back in October

where me and you, we had that excellent encounter okay with the antifa people and i said you know these antifa guys are violent we have footage that shows what they did and we are working to release that footage and good at i am shea dog says to me no offense dude i like you but you voted for this shit just saying my problem is no offense you voted for this listen all you cocksuckers out there yeah and and the lovely people as well i understand that a lot of people i encounter these days go i can't believe you voted for joseph biden oh my god what okay fine we disagree on political candidates shut the fuck up embarrassing you voted for a psychopath and a moron okay but at no point have i ever gone to you on any issue that you've griped about and said well

you did vote for this no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What do you mean? What I mean is that there'll be like this shit where like somebody gets fired or something. Yeah. Or like this thing we were talking about earlier with all the movies are white. Yeah. Or you can't get a job at a Canadian theater if you're not an Inuit or whatever else.

And I, as somebody who thinks that's a bit ridiculous, might go, oh, that's kind of ridiculous. And then somebody else feels the need to step in and go, well, you voted for this. Yeah. Okay. I didn't vote for that. That has nothing to do with who I voted for at all. Yeah, but we told you that was gonna happen what it would have happened regardless of whether or not joe biden got elected do you think if trump

got elected that's a canadian theater company right now would be like well we're only gonna put white people in the things now well those guys voted for something up there though okay yeah but okay they voted for what's his fucking name and that guy's a retard too that's just trudeau Justin Trudeau Yeah Trudeau That blackface Loving psychopath Yeah

Okay the point is That these cultural issues This cancel culture bullshit Somebody come to me The other day They're like I can't believe you voted For Joe Biden

And I go Well what do you hate About Joe Biden exactly And they said He isn't doing anything About cancel culture I'm like He was gonna make A task force To make it worse And they said, he isn't doing anything about cancel culture. I'm like, he was going to make a task force to make it worse.

Who, Biden was? Yeah, that was on his platform. He was going to have a task force against online violence against women. Okay. Oh, you didn't read what you were voting for? Shut up. Look, you vote for a guy, you're not voting for every single thing he did. And I definitely didn't vote for him because of some task force that clearly doesn't exist and doesn't whatever.

So you only voted for the good stuff? Yeah, exactly. There's shit you voted for Trump for that I'm sure is just as bad. And I voted for that, and I'm sorry. No, you don't take... I'm saying I'm sorry. No, you vote... When you vote for a candidate, then nobody would vote.

You don't agree with a candidate. God forbid no one would elect one of these warhawk lunatics. You do not take responsibility for every single thing that whatever the fuck does. Yes, you do. No. You voted for it. You might as well have done it yourself. I voted for individual issues that I thought were more valuable than other issues.

Yeah. And if some of the issues are bad, I can go, well, I didn't vote for that. You did. I shouldn't vote. Yes, correct. Fine. You shouldn't vote. This is bullshit.

You shouldn't vote. Like 99% of the country should not vote. I am not responsible for cancel culture because I voted for Joe Biden. You are a little bit. No, not even slightly. Because that's not even a thing that he's doing. It has a completely divorced from

the political process that has that went on the entire time trump was in office okay it's not like having trump there was stopping cancel culture if anything it was at its fucking height because he made everybody insane and they doubled down on canceling everybody who wasn't that's cool though that's not vote that's not voting for it i voted a guy. What happens to him is not my fault. You're taking it. You're trying to obfuscate your responsibility because you know that you did vote for it and are responsible. If people do stuff to Trump, that's not me voting for it. You can vote for a candidate, and it doesn't mean you endorse or support everything that candidate does.

Yes, it does. Nor are you responsible for it, okay? What do you mean? You voted for him. Okay, but why are you not responsible for everything that he does? Because that's not how politics works. You can't find a candidate who perfectly lines up with your every fucking belief. So you find the one who's closest.

Okay. And you can say evil stuff as well. Look, if the guy's like pure evil, you could make the argument that you should have known that he was going to gas all these people or whatever else. Oh, you're talking about Hitler? No, but I'm saying like when you vote Obama and you don't have to feel bad about Syrian drone strikes because you didn't vote him in for that. That's not on me. Okay, so Hitler the people who voted Hitler chancellors

when they're in the car with everybody else going to Auschwitz and one guy goes, hey, thanks for voting for Hitler. He goes, you go, don't blame me. I only voted for Hitler for the preserving the preserving the preserving the fatherland. Which was Mussolini actually.

Getting the trains to run on time. I voted for Hitler for all this other stuff. Here's the thing. That situation only works if I in that scenario am going, I can't believe they're rounding up all the Jews. And then you go, well you voted for this. But I'm not saying that because I went in.

If I get it, what do you mean? I'm saying that when I complain about this woke, whatever. Yeah, no, not the Jews. I love the Jews. When you complain about woke culture, then what? When I complain about cancel culture, that is not the explicit domain of Joe Biden or the left. People are getting canceled on both sides.

Wait, what? Who's getting canceled on the left? What do we call it? They canceled Al Franken. They tried to cancel James Gunn. Oh, he martyred himself. They get a bunch of these professors and shit. They get a bunch of like random professors and shit

they like get them kicked out and fired for being communists and shit like that you think that the left gets canceled just as much as the right i don't know if it's equal what would you say what was numbers would you say it is i don't know man numbers wise what would you say it depends it depends on like i don't i don't think people are getting canceled necessarily across political lines it's more really some are you think a lot of people you think you think people are comfortable going into a slack group at work and typing i'm conservative i love the second amendment i think that you can say you're a conservative. I disagree.

Supporting Kyle Rittenhouse, again, I don't think it's a right or left thing. It doesn't have to be. Wow. But like when Roseanne gets fired. When Biden called him a white supremacist it turned into a right or left thing. I really wish he didn't do that. That was a really stupid thing that he did. You voted for that. But I didn't vote for Biden hoping that he would call kids white supremacists. But he's. You voted for that. No, but I didn't vote for Biden hoping that he would call kids

white supremacists. But he's like a race hustler. Is he? Yes! I just think that if we get down into this game of every... You as a voter... It's not a game! Motherfuckers are getting

gassed to death today Okay, nobody supports Everything their candidate does, nor should they So this idea Of trying to shame people For their vote, for everything their candidate does Unless what he does is like Truly egregious What's truly egregious?

Well, not cancel culture, he has nothing to do with Who got fired from Star Wars He had no impact on that at all it would have happened no it would have happened regardless of whether trump or biden got elected neither of them is going to step in and stop gina carano from getting fired but it emboldens people like when trump was in there more emboldened under trump when trump came in he made all these left-leaning people insane, and cancel culture reached a fever pitch. If anything, Biden is a swing in the other direction because they go, at least we got Biden in there.

We don't got to cancel people anymore. You voted for that. Yeah, there you go. I voted for that. I voted to stop cancel culture by placating the left with their favorite grandpa. It sounds like your problem is being shamed for the consequences of your actions. It sounds like your problem is being shamed for the consequences of your actions. I don't think I deserve to be shamed for making the vote that I maintain was the better of the two options. You don't have to vote.

And I don't. No, but you should probably vote. No. Okay. Being less, choosing less evil is still choosing evil. Like, you can just not vote. What if the option is voting for Hitler, voting for- I'm voting for hitler a lesser

hitler jesus christ we're not voting at all then arguably i would say arguably you should vote for the lesser evil okay in that scenario you're killing two kids you'd kill the ugly one and say well i don't know why you're being so mad at me he's gonna kill all the jews and we're guys gonna kill half the jews and that's the only option. You voted to kill half the Jews. But that guy's also making PlayStations cheaper and you're like, oh, wow, I gotta vote for this guy. That sucks

about half the Jews, but, you know, the other guy sucks. Regardless. What about those cheap PlayStations? To say that I voted for cancel culture is retarded. But you did. No, I didn't. He's constantly race baiting.

Trump also is a part of, he also emboldens cancel culture. They've gone after the left in the same way. They're always trying to cancel, you know, politicians. But Biden says explicitly, we got to shut these guys down. Who? Which guys? Alaska is in jail because of Biden. I don't know if biden had any

part in that that's a whole fucking different thing and again it probably would have happened even if trump was in there what about their violence against women online thing task force did that actually come to fruition what would you know you didn't even know it existed i don't think it's relevant because you're bringing up some like obscure fucking thing that nobody's heard of all right and then saying that this again nobody's talking about this when they come at me. They don't go, oh, well, you supported Biden's anti- or pro-woman task force. That's not what they're arguing about. They're saying you voted for it in general.

They're saying you helped get Roseanne fired from Roseanne. You're the reason that Dick got attacked. You're the reason Dick got attacked at the Netflix. No, they're saying I'm the reason you got Attacked in the Netflix protest because if I had voted for someone other than Biden All the transgender people would have I guess Stayed home and not protest They would have probably killed themselves

They would have done the exact same thing Biden had literally nothing to do with that scenario Yeah Okay you know that it would have happened regardless Well is it what Are you responsible for anything bad? Like if you vote for Newsom, do you vote for Newsom? I didn't vote for him.

What about voting for Gascon? Is anybody that voted for the DA in LA responsible for all the train robberies that are happening? Or are they like, well, I voted for him for being nice on drug crimes. Not prosecuting anybody. Is anybody responsible for anything those are directly related to like policy positions on crime and shit like that you didn't vote on those biden did not run on a platform of i don't remember what i voted i just click you just remember what you voted for i just go in there and i scatter shit wait. So you vote, it's important to you

to vote for a lesser evil. I just vote a straight Democratic ticket. So you have no idea what you voted for? Pretty much. Then all of it is definitely your fault.

You are the worst, the lowest informed voter voting compulsively. Well, I voted based on what has been recommended to me as the Democratic platform. Yeah, whatever. Then literally... recommended to me as the Democratic Party. By the Democratic Party. Yeah, whatever.

Then literally... Anything's better than the Republican Party. Then all of this is your fault. By the way, the Democrats are not even close to getting challenged in California, so there's no reason for you to vote. Yeah, so it really didn't matter anyway. So I just click the D box. You just go straight down. Party line.

Party line, yeah. This is all your fault then. Well, there's been some problems. I just vote no on propositions. Oh, I also, yeah, I mean, I read the propositions. That's not what I said. You don't bring in any propositions? Only if they're for legalizing drugs.

Yeah, well, there's some of that. I think there's also to end cash bail or whatever, which we talked about. Okay, yeah. That's a good one. So you read those. Yeah, yeah. But then you still put psychopaths in charge of the things you voted for and care about. Well, I'll read the little things about them, the little blurb

that they wrote. Yeah, that they wrote about themselves. You'll read the Democrat ones. And the Republicans ones you sneer at. Oh, this fucking closet homosexual. Yeah, he sounds like a terrible guy. He's gonna do more of this Trump bullshit That I do not support Regardless Dick If Biden had run on a pro cancel culture platform

Which I know you were trying to say He did No he fucking didn't And he definitely didn't run on a We need to fucking protest against Dave Chappelle and comedy platform. These are not no, no, no. He's always talking about how Trump's jokes are not appropriate.

This is stretching the truth of his candidacy. I just can't believe you want Biden in there. Don't you want somebody fun? This is why I almost didn't want to bring this in because I just knew it was going to turn into a Biden versus Trump problem. It was funny when Biden killed those kids, those 10 kids or whatever, for no reason. I know you voted for that.

Yeah, I voted for that. That was part of what I voted for. I think that, again, if there's a... You could say, like, if you're Trump and Trump starts building the wall, and I say, you're responsible for the wall. Yeah, that's the reason I voted say you're responsible for the wall. Yeah. That's the reason I voted for him.

That's the main reason. The reasonable assertion because that's an actual policy position. Okay. But to say anything the left does is the responsibility of Biden voters. Yeah, but nobody says this to Republicans because we understand personal responsibility. I don't have responsibility. I did not create the Netflix protest by voting for Biden. That's ridiculous. Okay. try it on me then like what's something that you could blame on me

uh you're the reason we left the paris climate accords yes absolutely okay congratulations that was a good thing what do you mean what's something i don't want uh let me think everyone has to get together in pairs. Let's all sign this stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love paper straws. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. How much gas can it be?

Ten bucks a gallon? That's not high enough. I don't know what you don't want that Trump creates. Well, what's bad that Republicans have ever done then? Under Trump. Because that's the only time I've ever voted. A low minimum wage. Irresponsible for It should be zero.

You agree with everything the man does. Don't you think that says something about your party? Maybe they're trying to sneak evil shit around. They're pitching you good stuff like cancel student debt and then doing

bad shit. I'm sure I can think of something that Trump did that you don't like I just run a virus I didn't like the shutdowns. I didn't like the vaccine. I'd have to really meditate on it military I didn't like any of the wars, but I voted for it I am NOT I'm not responsible for cancel culture or Netflix protests or woke theater productions by the mere virtue of who i voted for as president that's retarded and my problem is you voted for this that's oh man you know that's stupid i don't i don't see what you're responsible for then you're voting for the guy for his actual policy positions nothing to do with left craziness and They'll say, like, drag kids.

Like, did Biden, you know, come in and say all these kids have to wear drag? Yes. No, he's sniffing them, turning them into pedophiles. He's abusing children like a vampire, turning them into... That's a good example. You voted for that? No, no, no. I'm saying you're responsible for the ban on abortions.

Way to go. go no that's texas texas because of the supreme court that actually installed okay yeah boom yeah that's true i'm sorry oh you take what so you're saying yes i'm sorry trump didn't do a good job vetting the supreme court you don't feel responsible for that at all you're sure i do i thought he would do a better job vetting them. No. But he didn't. Well, actually, that was one of his policy positions

when he said, I'm going to stock up the Supreme Court. So you are responsible because he announced it and it was his policies. Yeah. And he didn't do a good job.

That's on me. That's on you. See how that... Whereas it's not on me because Biden never announced anything to do with any of this stuff that people are bringing up

and are just things that happen in the general leftist sphere but have nothing to do with the actual left-leaning president. Biden constantly dog whistles about turning kids into trans people. Constantly. They were going to be trans regardless of what dog whistles he put out there. Because of their single moms? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Oh, God.

Jesus Christ. Okay, so what are our problems? Our problems are broken bones. Broken bones. Elder healthcare costs. Elder healthcare. Trip insurance. Travel insurance. Travel insurance. And vetoes coping.

Fuck you. You voted for this. You voted for this. Okay. I'm gonna play some voicemails here, bud. Uh. I just can't believe that you Feel like You know I owe people an apology For what you did

I created the Netflix protest That was me Cause I voted for a president Show candidate Kinda I don't It's bullshit Uh

Okay Hey Dick Hey Vito I like how you guys are talking about How much money it would take for one of you to Suck somebody's dick when you guys are acting like Vito's never sucked a dick for free. Go fuck yourself. Very true Wait what? But whose dick were we talking about sucking? That doesn't mean just because you've uh, sir Yeah, I don't know about you I've I've met a I've met enough women to know that just because you've sucked sir yeah i don't know about you i i've i've met a i've met enough women to

know that just because you've sucked a dick for for free once doesn't mean you do it all the time yeah so a certain perfectly valid gotta get paid discussion to have one of these guys that goes like oh you know a million dollars or whatever i think a lot of guys would suck a dick for a lot less yeah 500 like a week like you're telling me somebody is gonna not suck a dick if it got them a week's worth of wage yeah like you mean you mean to tell me you could get a playstation 5 right now out the door for sucking someone's dick and you wouldn't do it i don't believe you i just don't two playst I just don't. Two PlayStations. I'm sure there's some people

who maybe would have to be a high number, but still. I don't think there's anybody on this earth who you couldn't name. Like, is there anybody who's like, there is no number high enough? That's bullshit. You're a liar.

Maybe if they believe in God. Yeah, like God's gonna strike them down for sucking dick. For sucking dick and they go to hell. They're retarded already you don't have to include retarded people in any graph

but then it's like oh well what if what if what if you get AIDS isn't okay let's say you believe in let's say you believe

in hell right where Bob Saget is but then you say okay well I'm gonna give this charity donation to starving children this 10 million dollar yeah and let if you suck a dick yeah and they're like well no I gave it to starving children but

if you don't suck that dick I'm gonna take it away so aren't you kind of killing them God is very tricky man the rules don't make sense he's easy to trick God's an easy man they're mine like he's not any smarter than the person who believes in him, I've found. A lot of Christians seem to believe that their God is dumber than themselves. He's a little bit dumber. People who believe in God, God's always

a little bit dumber than them. They gotta interpret what he's saying to all the people who are not stupid. I'm like, God, God's blowing this one guys hold on i gotta i'll tell you what god means if he could just put his shit together for a minute well because you ask you're like do you think it's okay that you know a kid burns in hell forever and they're like well no and it's like well so you think your morality is better than god's morality yeah

yours is better than god but you know he's got his rules He's a crazy old man That we can't reason with And you're like Okay That's like blasphemy bro Yeah I don't know about you Okay here we go Hey Dick Hey Vito

The only time Inflation is good Is when the banks Don't know about it So that way When you have to pay back Your fucking interest loan And they're like

Oh Your loan is Two million Two percent Or whatever And inflation Ends up being like $50 million or whatever. That's the only time inflation is good because it just reduces the cost of debt as long as they don't know about it coming. But that's a very one-off scenario where inflation is actually good, and anyone who believes in the gold standard is a fucking retard. This guy's getting a million bucks at two percent can they adjust the rates of your interest if inflation happens not if you

have like a more not if you have a yeah so you can you can take out a loan or five one you can take out a loan as a hedge against inflation because it raises at the prescribed rate or whatever yeah um that's lower than inflation. This guy's talking about a situation where a bank doesn't know about inflation? Well, I think, yeah, I would think that it's you get the loan before inflation rises.

But once they find out about inflation, they can't change the terms of your loan. The cash is the bad thing to have, though. Why would that be good to get a million dollar loan in cash before inflation hit? That's your money, you dummy. I don't know anything about the economy. Everyone pretends they do.

The problem is you get 10 years where nobody's making mistakes and everybody thinks they're an investing genius by using such strategies as buying and holding and going long and buying dips everyone gets fucked forever what is this how could I have hedged against what's a PUT

okay here we go hey okay so I know why Vito couldn't or doesn't want to name any of the porn stars that he jacks off to. Yes. And it's because he jacks off to transgender porn. Hey, nothing wrong with that, but look at his face. Yep, see that? It's actually not true.

I would think you would admit that. Yeah, I can't name any transsexual porn stars, actually. Buck Angel, you can't name? Okay, I can name one. Jay Ray, what's her name? You know me and Buck Angel are becoming friends? Buck Angel loved... Friends with...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. What do you mean? Did you say that about your friend? Buck Angel's a fucking guy. Oh, no, in terms of I don't want to fuck you and I don't want to fuck Buck Angel. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Buck Angel loved the Netflix guy. No, in terms of I don't want to fuck you and I don't want to fuck Buck Angel. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Buck Angel loved the Netflix protest. Oh, did he? Do you want to get coffee with Buck Angel? Sure. Is it he? He, I believe. He was like, we should get coffee sometime. I'm sure you could come along.

So why won't you talk, is that guy right about why you won't say who your favorite lap dance is? No, it was because I feel like I have boring taste in women. I always feel like everybody has very exotic taste, and I like these kind of plain-jean white women. Yeah, but it's weird that you won't say why your favorite lap dance is. That's a weird reason. I don't think I have one.

I eventually decided. I was like, yeah, Kirsten Dunst is a good example. Okay, all right. Here's the last one. I was like, yeah, Kirsten Dunst is a good example. Okay, all right. Here's the last one. You and Vito should go to the Star Wars Hotel and then do a bonus episode about Star Wars shitty fandom.

That's Star Wars Hotel, Dick. I've been talking about it over on my new YouTube channel Vito2 yeah which is uh I'm getting crazy numbers

I don't get it I only have like 8,000 subscribers over there and I got 50,000 views talking about that Star Wars Hotel which costs $6,000 and there's no way

I'm going oh we could still do a biggest problem in Star Wars we could do a biggest problem in Star Wars that would be fun

biggest problem in Matrix bringing some Star Wars do a biggest problem in Star Wars. That would be fun. Biggest problem in Matrix. Bring in some Star Wars stuff. People have suggested I should crowdfund going to this thing, but I don't know how I'm going to crowdfund $4,800 for going to the Star Wars hotel. What would be the point of it? No, that's the other thing. I'm like, I don't think you're going to get. I don't think you're allowed to record in there, so it would be me talking about it.

It's just got like a shitty veneer of Star Wars stuff. Like half Star Trek, some dumb face paint. It would be fun to talk about, but I don't know. I don't want to. If you're going to give me $4,800, I promise I can give you something more entertaining, I think, than talking about the Star Wars hotel. Yeah. I could be wrong.

Support my comic book, which I'm working on. Okay. Do you want to read these? Let's take a look at some super shirts. We have Fuzzilization for five dollars says add backstabbing friends to your list please backstabbing friends wow something has happened there zach mutt a huge problem our covid test i've been sick all week with covid systems and my test said i was negative. What is the point of these things?

I don't think I've ever had a COVID test. What? With all of your shit of get vaccinated, you've never taken a test? I've never had any symptoms. What? I feel healthy. Why do you care about everybody else being vaccinated then? I don't care if you get a test. Just get vaccinated.

Shut the fuck up. All right. Jesus. Why do I need to get tested? I'm not sick. I feel fine. Yeah, good question. Why do you need to get tested if you're not sick?

Because I got the vaccine, so I don't get sick. I got to go get a booster. Wolf band for $4.99. You should write like a letter In case your booster Gives you a heart attack I'll write a letter Alright I'll write a letter

Denying Debunking it Debunking it Cause I'm gonna be in here Every week going Vito died of a booster Heart attack I think you're gonna die of COVID

And I'm gonna take over the show And talk about how You should've got vaccinated Wolf Bane for $5 Hello Dick and Vito Long time viewer Fierce time Super chatter

Love this iteration of the show. Ah, that's great. Thanks, bud. Fantastic. Wolf Bane also says if for a moment go to Maddox's

child development vid, turn the comments to newest. Okay. Might have to save that. There has been some fun comments on there.

For $1.99, Urbeta Pash says Maddox would be good at watching Dora the Explorer. He could probably find all the things. There's the backpack.

There's that sneaky snake. Swipe or no swipe. Yeah, he has excellent observational skills. He'd be trying to swipe, though. He'd be trying to swipe something in his house pretending that they're

shouting at him. I wonder if Dora will see me doing this. We have Cyberganic for $2. You invest money in a 401k, not Social Security. I just thought that the Social Security that the government was building up. You thought they put it in bonds. Yeah, I thought they put it in bonds.

In their own bonds. Yeah. That they sell. Yeah. Everyone does. They don't. Okay. It's empty.

That's a very bad plan. Here comes everybody mad at me. Says, pink sock for $5. Don't vote in the first place. Veto, you won't regret it. I might not vote anymore. I really... Shame me out of it.

I really think that you should feel responsible for what the people you vote for do. Okay. If it's their policy platform and they're actually doing something, sure. But not every single thing that happens on the left is somehow the result of having a democratic president. Yeah, it is. No, it fucking is. But you all voted for all the people locally, too. I don't remember who I voted for. That's the worst part. I might have skipped over it. I don't remember. The Coke Master, five dollars. You know what? I think I looked at it and I said, I don't know who any of these people are. I just skipped. Because you can just skip, right? You don't even have to fill out a thing.

I looked at it and I said, I don't know who any of these people are. I just skipped. Because you can just skip, right? You don't even have to fill out a thing. I skip the whole thing entirely. Yeah. No, but I do read the individual problems. Oh, okay. Let's see. The Coke Master. Sorry for your foot, Dick. Thank you for not flying to Greenland. Sure. I did vote

for that one guy who wanted to end cash bail, though. Who's not? Which I think is the DA, who you're saying is a nightmare. Yeah, he's bad. Yeah? I haven't looked into what happened since. Soros one who doesn't want to prosecute anything. Anything. Yeah. Herb beta patch for $5.

She says leopards are eating my face. Said the man who voted for the leopards eating faces party. That is not the official priority platform of the Democrats. Yes, it is. Back to press. Shut the fuck up. Don't let veto off easy. Press him.

Yeah. Yeah. Press him. Cancel culture. We have let Vito off easy. Press him. Yeah, press him. Cancel culture. We have to have a cancel culture. Biden has canceled culture. We have Jayhawk DX for $5. The platform was cancel student debt.

That's different. That's a good type of cancel. But you didn't get it. So then whose fault is that? Yours? Is it not yours? They canceled your flight. Cancel culture.

Never canceling everybody. Wait a minute. Canceling student debt. That was Biden's thing, right? No, I don't think. Well, a little bit. He didn't want to cancel all student debt, though. A little bit?

He wanted to cancel a little bit of student debt? It was like one of these things where he's like, well, you know, looking at some programs. But no, that was Bernie's thing. Bernie wanted to cancel all the student debt. Biden didn't want to do it at all? I don't think so, sir. Oh, I think he said that he would do it.

You know what? Why don't you bring a whole list of everything Biden ever did and the next show you can lord it over me by one vote in California, which he was on the precipice of winning by, yeah, okay.

Yeah, that makes the voting, that makes your responsibility even worse because you did it and you didn't have to. No, no, no, no. Like if you were like, I was the last guy,

I had to make a choice, I'm sorry, but you were like, I did it just because I did it and you didn't have to. No, no, no. Like if you were like, I was the last guy. I had to make a choice. I'm sorry. But you were like, I did it just because I love it so much. No, if I voted in a swing state, you would have more of an argument. The fact that I threw a vote in a bucket that meant nothing. Jayhawk, however, disagrees, says for $5. Vito, you're responsible for enticing Dick to go to that Netflix protest where he then got his head slammed to a planner.

Yeah, well, whatever. Pink Sock for $2 says politicians never enact the policies they promise. That is very true and I don't disagree with that. Mike Hunt says

for $5, good times create weak men. Weak men, all right. We need good times create weak times. You got to read it correctly. Good times create weak men. Weak men create hard times.

Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men create hard times. Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. All right. Fucking Christ. Mike Hunt for $2 says, To be clear is the same as saying to be. To the F.

I can't say it. You're not going to cheat me into that. All right. We got two more here. Rare steak for five says, Smoking fat doinks. Big ups to Liquid Richard. Alright. And Matt Sirk with a big $10 if

Dick gets all three strains of the virus. He can say he really got all of the vaccines. Yeah, I didn't get the first one though. Yeah, is that one just off the radar now? Is there no more original COVID flavor? You only got diet and lemon. I only got diet and lemon. I only got diet and Coke Zero.

Well, check me out Check me out tomorrow On the Newsmax Network Where I'll be calling in At two o'clock Saying hi to all my favorite Conservative friends Yeah

I gotta get my costume ready You gotta get You gotta tell them about this thing Where nothing's your fault I'm gonna tell them Yeah On Newsmax I'm gonna let them know

I have no idea why Newsmax wants me to come on. What did you vote for exactly then? I voted for changing the, reverting the tax policy back to where it should be. Where is that? Higher taxes on corporations. People making over $400,000. Oh, okay. A year.

I voted for climate, rejoining the Paris Climate Accords. Oh, you really want that. And energy and taking a look at climate change. Okay. And I voted to make sure that no right-leaning people are allowed in my Star Wars television shows, which was a major policy platform. So you only voted for those three things? That was the three.

Wow. I don't care about the Mexicans. Let them in, keep them out, either way. Doesn't bother me. Well, at least John is the guy. Biggestproblem.show. Don't forget to vote on the problems and check out patreon.com.

Biggest problem. We'll see you next week. Bye, everybody.