The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 28 - No Knock Raid: Shadow Legends

Episode Date: February 12, 2022

No-Knock Warrants, The Olympics, Crack, Sponsored Hate

All right. Somebody said Vito needs to stop coming in wasted. I just come in tired sometimes. I love that they say you're drunk all the time. I'm like, he's not. I'm drinking on stream. Yeah, I'm just waking up. That was my school.

Drinking on stream, you're drinking Mountain Dews or whatever. Amp energy. Amps, did you see Mountain Dews going to be doing liquor now, though? What? They're doing like- Mountain Dews doing liquor? Yeah, they're going to have like see Mountain Dew is going to be doing liquor now though what they're doing like Mountain Dew is doing liquor yeah they're going to have like some Mountain Dew

oh wow liquor drink you can get uh the pipeline the soda the alcohol pipeline is real I'm afraid of how extreme

it's going to be it's going to be all up in your face I'll try it I don't know if I'm ready for red alert with vodka or with malt liquor I don't know if I'm ready for red alert with vodka or with malt liquor

I don't know it'll probably be that yeah I feel like this is one of those times where I think I'm prepared but I'm really not because we've got a bonus episode

coming up after this oh yeah we're gonna slog it out we're gonna get it all okay let's just get it started then let's do it man I'm all here and I'm all here. I'm all excited.

Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From spending too much cash to sucking too much ash. I'm your host Dick Masters and with me as always is Vito Giswalzi. Hi Dick. I like to hit it in with that Vito Giswalzi. The timing is very important.

Yeah. We're going to get it one of these days. We're going to get it down. And then we're just going to record that. And I don't care how many of you tell me that my intro is gay. Do people say that? A couple guys. Some guys love it.

Some guys are like, that's the gayest thing I've ever heard. And I'm like, well, if that's the gayest thing you've ever heard, good luck, buddy. Congratulations. I need like a boing, boing, boing sound effect. I need to start making these sound effects my own. Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, you know? I need more drops making these sound effects my own. Boy, I, I, I, boy, I, I, boy, I, you know? I need more drops in my life. I'm going to put all the slurs that I love to say and that I never say when I'm being recorded,

and that's the only rule I have on them. I'm going to map them to sounds. Like that episode of SpongeBob when he learns about sentence enhancers and swearing. Yeah. And they have this sound effect for the swear word he's saying. I 100% believe it. Oh, you think they have it ready to go?

No, they bleep him out. But you think each one is a specific one? Yeah, I'm going to do that. Like F's, you know. Yeah, you have a replacement. Yeah. Oh, my stars. Are you ready?

I'm ready. Last week. The National Dead. Big winner. That can't be surprising, right? Well, it is a very large... I mean, in terms of economic problems, what would be larger than trillions upon trillions of dollars?

That's the weirdest part of this show, is that not everybody votes for economic problems only. No accounting for taste. Sometimes the wokeness is a problem. Number two, inventing black inventors. That was a great problem, I'm going to say. I came up with that name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I saw. I didn't even clear it with you. I just put it on my account. I accept it. You know, that's probably why it didn't get number one because people didn't get it. Gave it a bad name. Okay.

Now you're getting it. I'm playing the game. I know how to play the game. Now you're getting it i'm playing the game now you're seat belt alarms yeah and smoking is too cool right around zero so not a problem at all people put their minds together a bunch of people pointed out that the idea of an anti-smoking ad smoking is gay, was apparently an Onion sketch eight years ago. You knew that though, right? I didn't, actually.

I thought you just ripped it off on purpose. No, no. I think that's an example of parallel thinking because I thought it was so funny. I think they thought of it first, though. It's not parallel because they thought of it before. Whatever you call it. You call it ripping off a joke.

You call it ripping off if you weren't aware of it. How could you not be aware of the onion? The joke. You're not aware of the onion? It has a lot of stuff. I haven't seen every onion bit. Are you going to start doing

like local man and do fake interviews with people? I should. My favorite onion bit, did you ever see their autistic reporter? No.

Oh, I loved it. Like a train hits a guy and it's like, oh, you know, it's a tragedy. Whenever that happens, he's like, how much did the train weigh? How fast was the train going? What kind of train was it? Like a man is dead. He's like, right.

How fast is the train going? Can we ride the train right now? Reporters are kind of autistic. Yeah, I think that's part of it. Yeah. You know, did I tell you about this homicide detective that came to my house? No. I'll tell you about it later.

All right. Jake MX Zero says, the biggest problem in the universe is Vito completely ripping off an Onion video. Oh, there it is. Where they had anti-smoking ads that said it was gay to smoke. Honestly, I don't think I'd ever, if I've seen that video before. Yeah. I completely washed away. See.

Because I was tickled by that idea. Kids today don't understand how many things we used to call gay. Oh, we called everything gay. It was our go-to. That was the other thing is watching that onion thing. I'm like, oh, you couldn't get away with that today. Even though it's like a perfect joke. Yeah.

There's a bunch of kids in the thing going Man I was standing behind this guy Buying cigarettes And he was like a total fag And you're like oh my god You can't Man That's a quote You got two

Vito I can quote the onion Did Papa John teach you nothing? The onion You cannot quote things That video is still on YouTube They haven't taken that video down Yeah but they're not you

You run two bands right now, motherfucker. You're going to start throwing the F-sword around? I'm quoting. I need those. I need those sound boards over here, though. I'm going to get Joe Rogan. They're going to take all this out of context. No one's going to care with you.

Yeah, you're right. I'm going to say, yeah, fuck them. I have lost two Twitter accounts so far. I'm working on number three. You better watch it. You can't be fucking around. They're going to ban your IP IP and then they ban your device. Did you see what they banned my second account for?

Ban evasion? No. It was that Stone Toss posted a comic with Michael Richards taking the stage at the live factory and I posted a response and I said, 50 years ago we'd have you upside down with a fork up your ass, which is a quote that Michael

Richards said. They said I was threatening stone toss and that it was violence. You just got banned for quoting something. And now you're on here quoting F slurs. You can't do anything these days. You just can't do that. What? I can't.

That wasn't even racist or homophobic or anything. It was a quote for, well, I mean, it was what he said. It was homophobic. Most definitely. It was was when he said it. It was homophobic. Most definitely. I think it was racist when he said it, but out of context, it's not racist. Devin McPhee says, I used to work at a car rental place at the airport.

Just driving the 42nd jaunt from the parking lot to the wash bay without the seatbelt on was enough to drive me absolutely fucking insane. Seatbelt alarms voted up. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Dozer Man. Vito is a woman. Well, that is true.

Tin horn. Vito thinking that there is a person listening when you call into automated phone trees was hilarious. Not all of them, but I really do think. But one. I think that some of the Indian ones, they just have it so that they know they have these thick Indian accents. So they have. Yeah. Again, you've never gotten a call from one of these robots where you go,

are you a robot? And then there's a five second pause and they go, sir, I'm definitely not a robot. I can't wait until that's really a robot. Yeah. I don't think it's a robot. Bernice says, this stream made me see how many idiot Trump simps follow you, Vito. Dick takes no responsibility for who he voted, but grills you for it? Typical hypocrisy of Trump supporters.

Why are you reading it in an effeminate tone? This is my voice! All right, all right. All, and then he does opposite capital letters and undercase capital letters. It's not critique, it's grammar. Well, but you said it was reasonable, and he's doing like capitalizing all anti-vaccine and anti-climate change and they and they say stop being a sheep stop being a fucking trump sheep you idiots those people would drink his piss if he asked them to they don't understand between voting out the lesser

evil and being obsessed with biden We get it. Biden is an old idiot, but voting him in kept an even dumber idiot out. Simple. Right-wing idiots say they aren't snowflakes, but the minute you try to take away their seven automatic guns, they cry like a little bitch. At least Vito actually thinks before he speaks. I like this guy. This guy's got a good head on his shoulders. Thanks for listening to the show. Stubbs, Dick should have a sound clip of Vito saying, I fell for it from the ivermectin.

There you go. I fell for it. That's true. Okay. Real quick before we get into it, I was excited someone on the Facebook group Brought this up We have a Facebook group? Yeah

Oh, alright Well, I think it's a pre-existing Facebook group For a similar show But they've warmed up to whatever this is That's great Somebody posted this pamphlet In honor of Black History Month A list of black inventors and their inventions

Are you excited, Dick? Yeah, what are they? Let's take a look Peanut butter, George Washington Carver Well, we actually talked about this and their inventions. Are you excited, Dick? Yeah, what are they? Let's take a look. Peanut butter, George Washington Carver. Well, we actually talked about this. He didn't invent peanut butter. Wait a minute, did they post this sarcastically? No, this is real.

Curtain rods, 1892. I don't know. You can't invent a curtain rod, buddy. What's funny is there's two. Curtain rods was 1892, and then a different black guy invented the curtain rod support what's funny is there's two curtain rods was 1892 and then a different black guy invented the curtain rod support in 1896 so we'd be totally fucked the first guy didn't think about that no he didn't have the support okay all right didn't come until four years later thank god

harry's holding it up black guys here for curtains then there's the guitar invented in 1886. No. Even though, I mean, historically, it's been around since the 1600s in Spain. There's a lyre. It was around. Yeah. But, you know, Mesopotamia, let's say. A black guy invented a type of guitar, which is almost as good. The black guitar. The lunch pail.

The idea of putting your lunch come on now uh this is a great little thing they used before that they just held their lunch in their hands this guy one day said wow watch me put it in a bucket and everyone went i'm so glad we have these african-american inventors to uh really get things going the fountain fountain pen, the golf tee, the hairbrush. The golf tee? The hairbrush? Why would he invent a hairbrush? I don't know.

What was he trying to brush? How could they invent the ironing board if they didn't invent the iron? The lantern? They're saying the lantern was invented in 1884? Okay, I don't know if this is all a troll or not. Is that like after Moby Dick? I don't... Yeah, that was after...

After the whale oil that they were trying to... At the lantern. Anyway, thank you, black people, for inventing everything. Thank you. And thank you for posting that list. As confusing as it is. Here's something that I don't... That I'm not going to thank black people for.

Are you ready for my first problem? Yes. It's topical. Yes. Pa, the Olympics. Mm. Oh, man, oh, man. Do I hate the Olympics?

The Olymp- No, what are you talking about? The grand stage nations. Do you like the Olympics? There's some events I'll watch, I think. I fucking hate. The Olympics is like all of the world getting together and like pinning children's art on the

it's like the world's children's art it's like a crappy motto that i a crappy uh mascot that i don't want to see that was done by the worst yeah crappy events that i don't want to see people who have nothing better to do with their lives spending thousands of hours getting good at horseshit events that I don't give a shit about being put on TV. It's just like the midwit fucking bonanza. It would be fine if it was just like a thing that was happening downtown, like soapbox races or something. Like, oh, we're doing a flugelkrank.

We're doing a Red Bull flugelkrank. We're all going to put some skis on and go around. Oh, you race around? Then we're going to shoot. Yeah. All right. Shoot a gun. I don't know.

It's a thing we invented last night while we were drunk. Who wins? We don't really keep score. That's what I would expect. Yeah. But this multi-billion dollar fiasco that we have to see like 10 seconds of every year yeah and then listen to the promo for six weeks at a time oh man it's enough we got to bury this thing with the boomers in a big tomb it's a big uh it's a big waste of just time and resources and yeah they

build all those olympic stadiums it's sports that don't exist on their own right like nobody likes these are all the dud sports that all the good that football basketball the ones that are like money making right that can live on their own these this is all the wnba sports right put together in one shitty package don't you want to know if that guy can throw that stick really far isn't that I don't even think that's the most throwing a stick guy there is. I bet Tim Tebow could throw a stick further than that guy.

He's just never tried. I don't know that. I just kind of think it. What about a big heavy ball? Could he throw it farther? Could he spin around and throw it? And you're not even in the right season, bud. It is true that these sports seem like they were invented one night while drunk Like, alright, you gotta throw this ball, but first you gotta spin around like really fast

And we'll see who can throw it the farthest Oh yeah, but these are the ancient Greek games Well, are there any guys butt-fucking each other competition? Where is that? Yeah, where's that one? I would want to watch that No, that's the AVN Awards See, that sport could live on its own

Yeah It didn't need this. Demented. That's a profitable enterprise. And then the whole process of the Olympic committee, getting cities to bid my money on how they're going to throw the Olympic guys a big party. Like, I don't want,

do you know some of the concessions that the Olympic committee asked for? I wrote some of these down. Concessions, yeah. Yeah, like, if you're Vito City, and I'm Dick City... And I have to do a favor to you, the Olympics? Yeah. Okay. And, like...

What do I got to do? You got to really kiss their ass. Here, I'll read you some. Their demands included separate lanes. One of the years, Norway said, no, we're not doing this shit. Fuck you guys. Because their demands included separate lanes on all the roads where the Olympic committee members would travel. What the fuck?

That would not be used. So they wanted to build. They wanted their own road. Could you imagine having the audacity to ask about that? Would that be for like athletes as well or just the Olympic committee members? I don't know probably not because you see what they feed the athletes right like michelle obama's school lunch i remember when they were in russia the all their or maybe it was china all their beds were made of like

cardboard yeah that was china yeah good old china in russia they had toilets in the same room facing each other russia they said they had wolves in the Olympic Village just, you know, prowling the halls. The IOC members should have separate entrances and exits to and from the airport. It's like fucking Metallica.

Yeah, what the fuck? Who are these guys? They're the richest people in the world that are just making cities. They're just doing this for funsies and to just torment people?

Yeah, because they think it's funny for like LA to spend It is pretty funny when you think about it. $30 billion. You have like 100,000 homeless

giving each other hepatitis. Like, well, we're going to build a couple more stadiums. We want our own road and our own airport entrance. Supervillain shit. It is supervillain shit. Hey, can you guys

do the Olympics here? Can you put us on the list or something? We want to fry child corpses to eat every night. Yeah. White children only. S us on the list or something? We want to fry child corpses to eat every night. Yeah. White children only. Sushi on the lady, except a little boy.

Little boy. Oh, we're not even pedophiles. No. We don't like it. But you're going to like it a lot. Yeah, we just want to make you uncomfortable. All furniture should be Olympic shaped and have Olympic appearance. What the fuck? So these people are maniacs. Yeah. All furniture should be Olympic shaped and have Olympic appearance

These people are maniacs You go on a podcast I don't want all the furniture to be veto shape. Yeah, okay like the Olympic rings Like that's not even comfortable. I don't even what is what do you have a ring couch? Is it just like I think that you sit around and they're like, how can we really fuck with these people? How do you have a ring couch? Why would you request that? Is it just like I think they just sit around And they're like How can we really fuck with these people? I think if they get too much in bribes They get caught

So they make them do fucked up stuff So they can just take the bribes And everyone's looking at the fucked up stuff They're like They didn't even notice The fucking 20 billion we took Who owns What is

Is the Olympic Committee Just a bunch of rich guys? Yeah, it's a bunch of rich psychos From around like the world? Yeah That it's a bunch of rich psychos. From around the world? Yeah. That's confusing. Let me see if I got it. Descendants of thieves and murderers.

Yeah. Corruption, obviously. They've accepted bribes and blah, blah, blah. I mean, I don't even... That part isn't as annoying as the rest of it. It's all a nightmare. That part isn't as annoying as the rest of it. It's all a nightmare. That part isn't as annoying as how much I hate the games themselves. Yeah.

Like the bobsled, skellingtons, whatever when they're going down. Skellingtons. Oh, the, yeah. Yeah. This is just the winter games. Yeah, you're not even talking about the current games, which. No. Wait, is it summer games? It the winter games. Yeah, you're not even talking about the current games, which... No. What are...

Wait, is it summer games or... It's summer games. No. It's winter games right now. It's winter games. It's still winter. How are you such an innocent babe that you... I don't even know where they're having these.

China. You haven't seen the ski jump in front of a nuclear reactor plant? I saw that picture, but I didn't know where it was from. China. They put... They put the ski jump next to a nuclear reactor. And then they do like protests. I thought China just hosted the Olympics like not that long ago.

I don't know. Then they do all the protesting, like the governments go, oh, we're protesting the ceremonies. Oh, we're protesting the Olympics. What is this? You guys are acting like it's high school. Like this is high. Yeah.

You're fucking straight up murdering people. Both of you guys are straight up murdering people What are you talking about? Boycotting a ceremony This is the I need that Button over here This is the

Most thing I've ever heard You bunch of children With this shit How much longer And then the video games Bro Wait are they doing video games at the Olympics? They have to make so much money back in advertising.

They released the shitty Olympic games. The Sonic, Mario, Olympic games. I haven't played them. My nephew got the last one. Imagine how hard it is to make one good game. Right. They're cramming six, seven, 20 games in this thing. Yeah, you got to bobsled and ski and snowboard.

It's garbage, and it's got to come out right then. It's just such a waste. Everything that I hate about people is the Olympics. The only thing I like from the Olympics is seeing all the crumbling architecture from past Olympics. Yeah. It's kind of weirdly beautiful. Brazil spent $13 billion, and they're like, where the fuck did you get $13 billion?

And now it's just all crumbling. Out of waste. Disgusting, and homeless people crawling over it. Yeah. Yeah. We got to get rid of them. Let's just go back to having wars, like civilized adults. Okay. Maybe it doesn't have to be be maybe they can split it up more maybe instead of like doing it all at once you know take some

of the fun events and do like a fun olympics like ping pong and the super bowl that's what you're describing well felt that yeah but it's just weird that we don't pay attention To any of this stuff Because they have Like regional competitions National competitions For all this stuff No one cares Yeah nobody cares

And then the Olympics shows up And there's this weird Patriotism aspect of it Where you're like Well we gotta get more Gold medals than China To prove Because it was

Because it's a Standing for the fucking Cold war Yeah Because it's always This limp dick Like oh We're boycotting Hitler hitler's olympics yeah

okay they'll show them make a really big deal out of see there's a jesse owens you know he ran really fast in front of hitler and you're like oh did that stop world war ii and it's like no but they think hitler went home and was like god damn. I can't believe that black guy ran so fast. I can't fucking believe it. I think he probably went, well, yeah, you know. He's like, I don't give a shit about this. No. I was there because all of the morons that I'm going to send to the front lines

like this dumb crap. That's why I was sitting there. I don't give a fuck. It was also wicked high the entire time. Have you ever seen the video of Hitler at the Olympics sitting in the stands? He's just tapping his leg. And you're like, oh man, apparently that dude was on meth the entire war.

You ever put yourself in Hitler's shit? But Jesse Owens ran so fast and it really blew his pants off. I guess that's also the annoying thing in the Olympics. All the Olympic stories and movies. Did you ever hear about the time, the miracle on ice? americans beat the russians at hockey and you're like i don't fucking care did you ever see did that also stop a cold war from out like what happened

exactly did you ever see that street fighter tournament when that guy did that 32 block combo as ken and came back with a fucking super du. Yeah. They keep posting that. That's real. Yeah. That's real competition. That's homebred. That's organic. Yeah, well, that's fun because it's not, you know, beefed up and stupefied. It's like, oh, this is cool. It's like its own community instead of just like a bunch of guys who are probably on drugs. That's the other thing.

They should let them do more drugs. Yeah. I hate that joke too. Vito. It's like this endless fucking repetitive cycle every two years. The, well,

how do you even know? Well, they're all on drugs anyway and then someone always comes in. You know what? They should let her. I go, stop right there. Stop in your fucking tracks. Don't you fucking dare.

I've been hearing this joke. Why not? I've been hearing this joke since I was fucking eight years old. It wasn't a joke the first time I heard it either. Okay. I mean, I think if steroids

enhance things, why not? I don't care. Whatever. And they're all doping. As a fat man, the entire concept of athleticism mystifies me. Yeah. Yeah. What athletic feats am I capable of?

They won the best in the world at curling. I mean, no. Seems like they just kind of won the best in the world at like having nothing better to do yeah they're very bored like i don't know i don't know i think it's just for like it's fine if the athletes get excited it's really weird for everyone no they're actually baby killers they're going to a communist country that has concentration camps in order to uh promote that country as a um as a as a sovereign nation. So they're worse than Vietnam, in my opinion.

It's also just silly how they pretend the Olympics is like, you know, all the nations getting together to celebrate one humanity. And meanwhile, Putin's like, this is a perfect time for me to invade Ukraine. Literally. Yeah. He waited for the Olympics to start and he's like, all right. All right. Time to get on in there and start amassing forces at the border you're like oh you motherfucker oh i hope he wins

you hope he wins i do okay go ahead man dick you ever just enjoying your enjoying some time in your house alone sleeping maybe uh watching a movie okay when all of a sudden a bunch of jackbooted thugs burst in the door how would you react i think you'd be mighty upset if you had something to defend yourself with you might reach for it yeah what if those jackbooted thugs are agents of the government they're faking my pro lying well that's part of the problem my problem is dick the no knock raid oh man no knock it's yeah it's go ahead it's a pretty big problem it's a big problem for people in the audience who maybe for some reason are unfamiliar with this concept normally when the authorities arrive at your door to serve a warrant uh whatever else they're supposed to announce

themselves make themselves known knock on the door you come to the door they, they're supposed to announce themselves, make themselves known, knock on the door, you come to the door, they go, we're here to serve a warrant, whatever else. Okay? But there was a horrible thing that Richard Nixon invented, which was called the War on Drugs Dick. Oh.

And what happened was they really needed to stop these marijuana dealers, these horrible marijuana dealers, who would, when they heard the knock, can you believe this, Dick? They would flush the marijuana down the toilet. They would flush 10,000 pounds of cocaine down the toilet. Absolutely. Instantly.

So the government had no choice but to authorize the no-knock raid so we could burst in and get these disgusting pot heaths before they could flush their stash. Introduced by President Richard Nixon in the 1970s and gaining momentum in the 1980s under who, Dick? Oh, yeah, Reagan. Ronald Reagan. It's inexcusable. It is terrible. Dick, I want to give you a stat here, which is going to blow your mind. Ronald Reagan It's inexcusable It is terrible Dick

I want to give you a stat here Which is going to blow your mind By one estimate There were 1500 no-knock raids annually In the early 1980s Wait let me write that down 1500 In the 80s okay

Now By 2010 How many no-knock raids do you think occur annually? 15,000. You're very, very not close. 150,000? No, that's way over the top. 60,000 to 70,000 no-knock raids are conducted by police annually.

Wait, that was close. You said, what, 15? Well, then 150. That's only double. That's, that was close. You said, what, 15? Well, then 150. That's only double. That's not that far off. Yeah, you got somewhere. 70,000? 70,000 no-knock raids annually,

and the majority of which, Dick, are still looking for marijuana. Are you fucking kidding me? The majority of no-knock raids are for marijuana usage. Currently, some states do ban no-knock warrants, but clearly all of them should, because the problem is, Dick, there's castle law. If somebody breaks into your house, you have the right to defend yourself.

So a lot of these guys- I mean, yeah, let's say that's the first problem. Oh, whatever. That's a big part of it, is that a lot of these guys are sleeping in their house. Somebody bursts in. Their instinct is, oh, my God. And some of these guys, yeah, maybe they have like a drug pass or whatever. They don't know if a rival dealer or a thief or somebody.

Someone break into my fucking house. It doesn't really matter. I mean, they're hiding or shooting. Yeah. And if they say I'm a cop, I'm thinking, well, yeah, that's what I would say if I was busting into a house trying to rape someone. Oh, no, that's actually a very common problem is that a lot of people will burst into a house and go, we're the cops, we're the cops. And all of a sudden, they're either raping your wife or stealing your stash. And then I would.

Because they ain't the cops. And if I was already awake, I would think, oh, awesome, I can't wait to tell people that. I thought they were fucking misidentifying themselves. Now, obviously, there's been some famous No, not cases Have you heard the case of a bone comma phone savan? No, it's that look I don't know about these names but a police informant bought $50 worth of meth From a guy named Juanis who did live uh at a house belonging to his mother okay he did not

live there okay he was just there selling meth okay they uh got a no-knock warrant after making inaccurate sworn statements to a county magistrate in the middle of the night they go and do the no knock raid throw a flashbang grenade into a room with a 19-month-old child. The grenade exploded inside the infant's playpen, igniting it and the pillow, causing blast burn injuries to the face and chest, laceration of the nose, upper lip, and face, 20% of the upper right lip missing, and the external nose being separated from the underlying bone. So our cops are bursting in and flashbanging toddlers again because

of $50 worth of meth and heroin. Have you ever argued with people about this? No. They really believe that if you don't do that the criminals have time to run away. It's like what yeah okay

so deal with that but you have their house like what do you mean where are they gonna run to the fucking Bahamas what it really comes down to what if it's like a killer it's like

what do you do you think this is an episode of Dexter that they're gonna go like run off and it's not a killer that's the thing it's mostly for Dexter that they're going to go like run off and. It's not a killer. That's the thing. It's mostly for fucking drug sales.

They're just trying to get drug dealers. Yeah. There's really no reason to need to burst in. I don't care if he's going to flush his fucking heroin. Just whatever. Fucking go in the sewer or whatever. You plunge it back the fuck up. You can figure something out.

Can't you turn the toilets off? That would be good. Turn the pipes off and then knock on the fucking door. You can figure something out. Can't you turn the stink cage and the toilets off? That would be good. Turn the pipes off and then knock on the fucking door. You can get a warrant for that. Yeah. You absolutely could. That's the thing. Then these cops will oftentimes lie to the judges and say, no, we need to go in there.

And then they get the wrong address because our cops are fucking retarded. They're bursting into the wrong houses. Here they killed two 60-year-old couple who, because they into the wrong houses uh here they killed two 60 year old a 60 year old couple who because they got the wrong address and thought there was a drug dealer there i mean why did they kill him though i think that man drew they did kill uh they killed him well you know you gotta kill him why not because these cops go in immediately they shoot your dog they love shooting dogs another thing that's a whole separate problem but apparently like all all these all these fucking cases, it goes, oh, yeah, the cops, first they shot the dog, and then they shot the people.

Man, you know what's crazy? So I think people on the right are starting to figure out that cops aren't their friends. Like, I've seen more than one. A lot of people figured that out after the whole insurrection incident. I think it's going to go the other way. What? Where liberals are going to start saying that cops are their friends. Yeah, because they're hammering their

political opponents. Well, they did start doing that. They did start going, oh, the Capitol Police are the most brave people in the world. It's like, there are no standards. It's just whatever side you're on. Who's so brave for him to shoot that woman? Like, uh... Baked Alaska, who famously loves our cops, loves our law enforcement. Now he's switching to the other

side. nobody can make up their mind yeah i bet his his hit single isn't gonna go well he's not rapping that one in the prison yard i tell you what again these guys are cowboys in 2013 swat officers fired 71 shots in the seven seconds after entering the home wow Wow. Is this like some kind of serial killer or Osama bin Laden? Well, the family got 3.4 million. Again, I think it was probably just a drug dealer. They barged in. How do you get off 71 shots?

You probably got like five cops there. Wait, do seven seconds? Seven seconds. How many rounds could you get off? Okay, wait. Look at that clock. Look at that clock. All right.

As soon as it hits ten, we're going to count to ourselves for seven. We're going to count our own claps. Ready? Set. Alright, I guess you could get a good amount of shots in there. If you're really... You need two hands like time crisis

Look, all I can say is I mean, I got all these stats here, all these terrible cases But what it really comes down to is This is a stupid remnant Of the war on drugs Which is a problem unto itself It should be banned in more states It is banned in some states, but it's not banned federally.

So even in those states, the feds can come in, burst your door down and shoot you in the face. The judges too, that are signing it over. I don't care what the law is, the judge is sitting there going, oh yeah. Yeah. The judge watches the news at home, comes into work and goes, oh, you're doing one of those no knock things You just go in and blast

Yeah 100% There needs to be some Look I would say Maybe if the guy is like a mass murderer Just killed two fucking people No no no no no I don't I'm just saying

Never In an extremist case You can't break it for one You cannot break You can never break The law Yeah That or else it's everything goes i'm telling you i'm just saying i think even anybody anybody could understand that fifty

dollars worth of meth you know what it's not worth whatever might happen there and the cops get shot if you love cops they'll burst in and they get shot because they gotta know what's going on it's unsafe for everybody. It's a bad idea. It sucks that we can't have booby traps either. Yeah, because that would fix this. Booby traps should... I wish they would legalize booby traps. I don't see why...

I really, really genuinely don't see why booby traps... It's because of the police, right? There's various reasons. It depends on... Yeah, but what reasons would the government care about? It depends what you're booby trapping and why. Like a gun right at your door... And if anyone opens it, they die.

...that does a retinal scan, and if it's not in my compute, my Arduino that I programmed all the people I know, it shoots them. Yeah, I feel like you're not going to get away with that one. It says halt. Pizza guy gets the wrong door, catches a... I would turn it off before the pizza guy came. How would you know if it's the middle of the night? You're asleep. Why is a pizza guy coming to my house in the off before the pizza guy came you're asleep why is a pizza guy

coming in my house in the middle of the night because he got the wrong fucking address dead check it check again I would say it would say like from the ED ed 209 the quotes

you know from Robocop so you'd have to know the references yeah you'd have to know the Robocop I don't RoboCop references. I don't know if RoboCop references should die. Well, Dick, that's my problem. The no-knock raid.

I really hate them. I hate the people more. Well, what if he gets away with it? What if he gets away? We can't have criminals. Shut the fuck up. Criminals are everywhere, man. They're everywhere. Half the time, we catch these guys and we put them immediately back on the street. So it doesn't mean it's not doing anything catch like two percent

of violent criminals what are you what are you this is literally that's the system we have now yeah and that's what it's doing like you think you think one percent is makes this way worse i don't think it does no knock raids are just like a chuck e cheese adventure for fucking cops it's like oh we get to go kill some people and kill a dog. Like, this will be fun. Yeah. They're just having fun. And we got to cut down on fun.

They should flip a coin for every no-knock raid and say like, oh, it's Taylor. Your wife is the first one in. Your wife's going in. Yeah. But only the hot ones. Only the hot ones. Not the fat, ugly ones. No.

Like, only the ones that love their wives. Send them in. Yeah. With, you know. Otherwise, they're going to volunteer. Just kill the ones that love their wives. Send them in. Yeah. You know. Otherwise they're going to volunteer. Just kill them. That's my point. Send my wife please. Okay. Okay.

Here's my, is the YouTube working? It says it's not. It says it's probably not smooth but I don't know. It might just be, what do you call it? Oh it looks like it's fine now. I don't know. Sometimes it loses quality do you call it Oh it looks like It's fine now I don't know Sometimes it loses quality It'll be fine

Okay My My problem is What did I end up What did I say I'm ending up going with Crack pipes Crack pipes

Yeah Or crack cocaine I don't know Crack pipes Crackety crack Crack and crack Crack pipes Crack pipe stick

That common American problem The crack pipe Crack pipes. Crackety crack. Crack and crack. Crack pipes. Crack pipes, Dick. That common American problem, the crack pipe. Do we need more of them? I don't know. Do we really need more crack pipes out there? Can't we do cocaine like grownups and stop freebasing crack cocaine? Dick, that's a little racist as well why is that racist what do you mean crack is the chosen uh preferred cocaine for the black community or wouldn't it be shackling them to this more dangerous shackling black people at all not during black history month so look they're very dangerous crack pipes

that's the last thing we need of more of on the street and where are these new crack pipes coming from you me yeah i'm creating the taxpayer did i vote for this is that what you're saying i might have been something you voted for yeah i gotta make a t-shirt out of that at some point uh i don't think it actually was about crack pipes. I think that was like right-wing propaganda. What, Biden's new thing? Biden's new crack pipes. Well, I know San Francisco has introduced the drug assistance centers.

Yeah. Where you're like, oh, I really want to inject heroin. They're like, oh, well, here, this lady will help tie the rubber band. Yeah. Booth that we have you can do it there and apparently it's apparently it's terrible in there they won't even let you take pictures of what's going on

in there maybe for anonymity I don't know because yeah but apparently it's all dirty and fucked up I mean you see the crack heads anyway it's full of crack oh whatever these crack heads maybe I should have put crack cocaine on here. That's the problem.

No, we'll do crack pipes. Because without the crack pipes, you couldn't... What are you going to do? Use tinfoil? Come on. I suppose. I don't know. So the problem is the pipe.

Yeah. Are there too many of them? There's too many of them. There's too many. You want less crack pipes. You got to smash them. Smash them up. many of them. There's too many. You want less crack pipes. You gotta smash them. Smash

them up. Crack cocaine smoking is associated with an array of negative health consequences including cuts and burns from unsafe pipes and infectious diseases such as HIV. That can't possibly be true.

Get AIDS from a crack pipe? How? Yeah. They get AIDS from a crack pipe. yeah they get aids from a crack pipe someone's got like an open sore and some of their blood gets on the and then you have an open sore yeah

it's possible so then you could get aids from a straw don't people if Frappuccino could give you aids if that's how we're doesn't everybody with heroin have open sores

all over the place so they're all well not everyone yeah but a lot of them crackheads probably do they're doing crack and heroin and they they're all scratching and sniffing. Maybe I should do dirty crack pipes.

Well, I like that you've changed your problem about three times. I don't know why I had crack pipes on here, I'll be honest with you. This is almost as good as puppets, I tell you what. Individuals of all ages use crack cocaine. This was some of the statistics I pulled down. Yeah. Do you believe that? I'm going to do crack cocaine. This was some of the statistics I pulled down. Yeah. Do you believe that? I'm going to do crack cocaine, actually.

That's my problem. So crack cocaine's the problem. Just do cocaine. Sure. Crack cocaine's racist. Right. Okay? Just do cocaine.

More dangerous. Just do cocaine. Individuals of all ages use crack cocaine. Data reported in the National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicate that an estimated 6 million U.S. residents aged 12 and older use crack at least once in their lifetime. Really? Yeah.

That's a lot of people. I've never... Look to your left. I've not done crack. Yeah. Maybe I should try it. No, you shouldn't. Is it a very addictive substance?

Well, I don't know if it's more addictive than just cocaine. Cocaine, yeah. But crack, who wants to have done crack cocaine? Have you ever tried to smoke anything out of a crack pipe? No, I don't think so. Have you smoked out of a bong? Yes. No problem, right?

Yeah. Maybe when you're a kid, you have a problem and you cough too much, but then you kind of learn how to figure it out. You figure it out. Crack pipe? No crack pipe no absolutely never get used to it breathing in a fucking lighter yeah no reason there's no reason to put yourself through that uh crack let's crack fuck up your uh your lungs your respiratory oh yeah yeah so you're breathing it in instead of just snorting it? It's horrible. The survey also revealed that hundreds of thousands of teenagers and young adults use crack cocaine. 150,000 individuals aged 12 to 17. Wow, that's a lot of kids on crack. That's all 12-year-olds doing crack?

It's more than your known knock raids. Oh, well. That's double. This is double the problem Crack cocaine Well I was gonna say It's the problem Crack cocaine

Brought down Lawrence Taylor How many celebrities Have been brought down By crack cocaine Whitney Houston Quite a few Bob Saget died

From crack cocaine Overdose No he didn't Stop Can we stop With the Bob Saget Conspiracy Crack cocaine

Used among high school students Is a particular problem Really Always high school students What a particular problem Really? Always high school students What about just regular guys? They're having so much fun Fuck They don't have anything to do

They have no jobs Of course they're gonna hit up Crack cocaine Where are they getting the money For this crack cocaine? I don't know You know the worst part About the high school experience

Is you never have That drug dealer Who goes Yeah the first hit's free I kept waiting for that guy You never came around Like where's this First free hit is you never have that drug dealer who goes, man, the first hit's free. I kept waiting for that guy. He never came around. Like, where's this first free hit I was told about?

He's supposed to be on the playground in a trench coat. I love that first free hit. Yeah. Never existed. Never existed. Yeah. Maybe D.A.R.E. invented him.

I think so. 4% of high school seniors in the U.S. use crack cocaine at least once in their lifetime. Why do you only have high school stats? I don't know. Here's some terms. Sounds like your problem is the kids on crack. Let me hear the terms. Here's some terms that you might, just so you're aware yes so you can identify any crack cocaine if you have it one of these okay one of these biden crack pipes

if biden's hooking me up uh hardball oh hard rock hot cakes hot cakes if anybody's asking you for hot cakes yeah ice cube wow jelly beans i don't i don't is this this is a real website If anybody's asking you for hotcakes. Yeah. Ice Cube. Wow. Jelly Beans. I don't, I don't, is this real? This is a real website. I've never heard this. Nuggets. Paste.

Peace. Half this stuff sounds like a McDonald's order. Hotcakes, nuggets. Prime Time. That's what you call it. Can I get some Prime Time? Can I get some Prime Time? Product.

Raw Rocks. Scrabble. That's just fun. Sleet. See, now to get some primetime. Product. Raw rocks. Scrabble. That's just fun. Sleet. See, now I want to do crack because it has a fun name like scrabble. Bad rock. I want to take some Yahtzee into trouble while I'm at it. Crunch and munch.

Crunch and munch. How about that? Devil drug. Call it the devil drug. Electric Kool-Aid. My problem is lame names for crack cocaine Come on guys, what is this? Fat bags You better watch out for those

French fries It is just a McDonald's order now Glow gravel That's fun, I like that Grit hail That sounds like a Pokemon special move Wubbuffet uses grit hail Look Crack cocaine Grithale. Grithale? Yeah. That sounds like a Pokemon special move. Wubbuffet uses Grithale.

Look, crack cocaine. There's no reason to give people an extra incentive to get on crack cocaine. Well, it sounds like crack cocaine is a lame drug for high schoolers. Mm-hmm. And powdered cocaine is a sophisticated gentleman's drug. Yeah. It's for rich people yeah you don't need a pipe biden harris pipe none of that no just get a you get built-in pipe right there yeah that's what you got a pipe that goes right down through you yeah

you're ready to go extra that's my problem Cracked cocaine Oh my problem is Is that aftertaste though From the From the cocaine The back of the throat drip Oh I hate that You hate that?

Yeah That's the best part What are you talking about? When your mouth tastes like pennies Yeah No You can feel it When you shit it out

Can you? No I've never noticed The cocaine shit Okay What's your problem? What's your last problem? Well my problem I don't know if this is too narrow Can you? No. I've never noticed the cocaine shit. Okay. What's your problem? What's your last problem? Well, my problem,

I don't know if this is too narrow, but something I deal with and I want people to think about it. It's the it's the sponsored hate. Oh. Which is when

small creators who are struggling to stay afloat do a sponsorship for their podcast for their channel whatever it is and everybody feels the need to comment with why did you sell out you fucking piece of shit now i have a youtube channel i was fortunate enough recently to be contacted by some very nice russian game developers raid raid shadow legends what is that game it's like it's you build up your money in to build up your thing and go fight every mobile game is kind of exactly the same is that you get these guys and you spend time leveling them up and

they have special abilities and you try to make the best team out of the guys okay you know i got a fire guy and i got a grass guy and they have combos and whatever else look i'm not saying it's like the greatest thing that ever existed but a lot of people actually like it it's not like a bad game right that's addictive every no crack cocaine but it's addictive. There's no crack cocaine, but it's bad. It is equally bad as Fortnite or Halo or whatever. They're all basically little Skinner boxes that are dressed up. Yeah. Okay? But then I do this little ad, which is great.

You know? It's like, oh. What's your ad? I get a little bit of money. I did like a one minute. Should I pull it up? Do you want to hear? I don't know.

I want you to say it live. I go, Raid Shadow shadow legends the greatest mobile game what i love about this game is all the champions collecting them leveling them up in the tavern do you play that game no of course no it's like a scam it's a it's a it's an ad yeah okay but when you watch a YouTube video, you watch ads already. It's part of the experience. And you don't- You just don't get barely any money for those. You're like, oh, well, that's just part of the experience.

Yeah. You know, but at least he makes a dollar. For this, I get $500 to $1,000 to keep a fucking roof over my head. I got 500, like 600 bucks from this plug. Just for one video? Yes. Wow. And I get a guy in the comments who goes i just pulled my patreon subscription because you have supported rage shadow legends

dude and i'm like bro i need you to put this in context like first of all you can just skip it you can just like jump ahead a minute if it really drives you nuts but i need money come on i need money but not just let me not just make it about me any because i see people comment this anytime i watch a video it's like oh here's skillshare here's manscaped here's whatever people feel the need to comment with oh what a stupid fucking ad fuck you but again you watch network television and they give you like two minutes straight of ads you go see a movie you gotta watch a bunch of movie previews okay and you just go well yeah that's just part of the experience but for some reason no no no no those people yeah go home and scream at their

girlfriends or their friends or anyone around them about it yeah i used to know one of those people and that's all they would talk about it's how much they hate ads they hate ads and it's corrupting their movie and whatever i want to bro welcome if you love the free market as so many people claim they go well the free market and you know the ability to be an entrepreneur and start your own small business or whatever else and you go oh cool well to support myself i put a little ad on this thing. What the fuck? How dare you, grifter, you loser. I'm pulling all my support.

I'm unsubscribing. They don't even want you to advertise your own stuff. Right. Like, if you just said, even self-promotion, check out patreon.com slash biggest problem for money. You're shilling. Why are you always shilling? That's just fucking bullshit. Yeah.

Guys, you really got to put this in perspective. If you like independent content, like, you have to let those people make some money yeah like if you really like a podcast or a youtuber or whatever the hell it is right though right i mean come on how is it any worse than any other fucking you if you as the consumer know that you don't like fucking raid just skip the fucking ad this is why you're getting paid for it how is it any worse dealing with those people is what because they enjoy that yeah they like calling things out like that's their main enjoyment yeah it is they're like oh i'm gonna be the one guy who points out that raid is a shitty game we know it's kind of not the greatest fucking again

i don't even think it's that shitty i've heard a bunch of people who say they play it here we go because i thought it was like i thought it was like a piece of shit but then i heard like some guys who i like who are like no i actually like the money's corrupting you you're turning into a shill in real time the only reason i think it's okay is because some guys that i kind of like we're like no i'll play that thing for like a couple minutes or whatever and i'm like okay so maybe it's not that shitty or whatever again i, I'm not, but if I was doing sponsored ads for like, I don't know, a laser that kills children, like I would understand having a moral objection to it. What about like a vaccine? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Something else that kills. Shots. Jello shots. What if you're doing jello shots for kids? All right, whatever. You're doing an ad for jello shots. Get your kid jello shots for kids? You're doing an ad for jello shots. Get your kid jello shots. What it really comes down to is, yes, it is this hatred.

People claim that they want to support small creators, but you're right. Even self-promotion. If a guy goes, hey, I've been working on a thing. I thought you guys, oh, why are you always shilling your shit? Why are you always trying to sell your merch? It's like, okay, I'm just trying to make a couple bucks so I can keep making the thing that you claim to love. They're fucking nightmares, dude. These people are fucking nightmares.

I just don't get it. Like, whenever- And they will orbit you forever talking about how they're no longer a Patreon supporter because of what- Like, you betrayed me and you're a piece of shit. Yeah, the number of people that- Just move on and find somebody you like.

Or the even more twisted person that will drop their level to the bare minimum just so they can be around and the other people and constantly shit. It's like, what are you doing, man? What are you doing? I would really like people to reframe

the way they look at these these sponsored ads is if you're watching like a youtube video and a guy goes real quick i want to talk about my sponsor skillshare yeah your reaction should go hey it's great that this guy's getting sponsored or just nothing either yeah or either nothing i would say though honestly my reaction is oh that's great that you can get a sponsor like good you're happy every time you see a raid shadow i can skip ahead yeah you're not happy no i personally if i see a raid shadow legends thing i'm happy that guy's getting paid okay because that means that the content i like he can keep making it like oh i see okay yeah i go i'm not like oh i can't wait to sit through this raid ad i'm like i'm so glad that this guy is able to make those connections and get people to fund his

content yeah because then he makes more of it and i like the content that is being made i don't get it i they want you to like be poor like them they want you to always be like get a real job and you're like okay if i know but nobody with a real job says that. Nobody who has a job wants other people to have a job. They're like, yeah, man, fucking do pajamas in your home. Do this shit. It's great. I don't know how to communicate to the guys who post that where I'm like, okay, but if I get a real job, that means I'm going to post less things.

They're psychotic. And you claim to like the things, so I don't understand why you want less of them. Yeah. It makes no sense. It's this weird parasocial relationship people have with money where you're supposed to feel bad for earning money or being public about how you earn money.

Yeah. People are so weird about just money. Have you ever met women who go out of their way to talk about how they don't... A guy having money is a big problem for them and they'll talk about it all the time how it's not important but it's so obviously is yeah like they're they will or they'll date a rich guy and they're like and it's weird for me because they're like i don't go after guys with money and he's got a lot of money i'm like

this is like i really hate you like i really everything that you're saying right now just makes me really sick to my stomach about what a massive attention whore you're being right now. Our entire psychological relationship with money is super broken in this country. A lot of it dates back to this. I think a lot of it dates back to religion. To Biden. Yeah, it's Biden's fault. I voted for it.

No, I think it's this religious work ethic. It used to be, hey, if you don't put in, you know, 50 hours in the field, all your children are going to starve and Jesus is going to hate you. But it's so like people see a sponsored ad and they're like, oh, well, he's not working hard for that money. You know, he's not putting in enough work to make it or whatever. And, you know, he should be out plowing a field or some shit. And you're like, I don't know, know man like the people like lottery winners yeah and also i think they are them the work is going into the again the podcasts and the videos and whatever you do that's where the work coming from and then the sponsorship i don't know it's all complicated it's very annoying it's complicated but just like they feel like they

feel like you're getting away from them yeah it's like it's like they it's like when they like people who like a band and then the band gets big and those original fans are like burned by it kind of yeah like there's that bit of resentment there that's what's your experience like a lack of authenticity where they're like oh well now you've exposed the fact that this is for money yeah like before we could pretend that it wasn't because there was no the. We were buds before. Yeah, but there's always been ads on the video. Yeah. I just don't get any of them.

We live in a capitalist society where, like, yes, it would be great if you didn't need to make money to survive, but you do. So just get over it and stop being mad about it. Abandonment. That's what it is. That's what I was trying to say. Okay, that's your problem? That's my problem. And again, I'm not trying to sound like I you know, what was me?

I'm trying to do my fucking mobile ads and people are giving me shit. I just think for like all creators in general I'm very excited to support creators And I'm very excited when they have ads on their shit that they are getting like paid good amounts of money for okay Well, you can support this show at patreon.com slash biggest problem yeah right or you can leave a comment about how we're sellouts for plugging it leave that on the patreon though yeah do it over there pay to make it i don't read the free ones pieces of shit uh the olympics crack cocaine uh sponsored hate and no knock no knock grades better win or else i mean mean, it's a pretty good problem. Or else these people are idiots.

Okay, biggestproblem.show to vote for your problems. Let's do some voicemails. And I will mention we're going to be doing a bonus episode. Oh, yeah. After today's show. So you'll be able to get that. With your problems. Your problems that you have submitted as patrons.

And you'll be able to listen to that again at patreon.com slash biggest problem okay what a disgusting shill I am for putting out

our url it's just absurd I don't feel bad even a little bit no and I don't want to feel bad about it it's just so weird

to get a comment how dare you and I'm like well your two dollars a month is worth less to me than the six hundred dollars the Russians

want to put in my hand right now I'm sorry when people say like i pulled my thing i'm like that is come on yeah what did you expect me to do like cry into my fucking what you're doing is violence yeah you're perpetrating right now is a violent act emotional terrorist how dare you okay and i'm calling the police and they will not knock on your house when they come. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. This is Mr. Ed. Now, normally, Vito is by far the biggest retard in the universe.

Yes. But, Dick, I got a side of Vito on this one. White people actually did steal rock and roll from black people. Boom. It's called payola. It was a practice that was done with DJs back in the day in the 50s, 60s, during the time of rock and roll, just getting started.

That's right. Oh, they stole the money! I mean, that's the core of everything. ...to promote certain artists that were all white and not play black artists. Yeah, so that one's actually true. Good job, I see. And not play black artists. So, yeah.

So that one's actually true. Good job, Vito. Thank you. Oh, there you go. Thank you. Then it's, you know, underground fucking railroads that were real. Then that means black people. The underground railroad thing was a clear joke.

We know this was a joke. Go fuck yourselves. Obviously, whatever. So they paid radio stations To play the artists They want them to play No to play You know what happens When they stop doing that

They still played the hits Like that eventually They stopped doing payola That was just common racism Holding back the black man And then they They just were racist For free after that

Somebody told me Elvis admitted to stealing Rock and roll from black people Like Elvis knows? What the fuck? He can't even play a fucking guitar and he knows where rock and roll was invented? The inventor of rock and roll was the guy who invented amplified sound, amplified instruments. Yeah, a black man in 1888.

George Washington Carver. George Washington Carver invented the guitar. Invented peanut butter, amplified sounds. Vito, you fucking idiot. Shut up. invented peanut butter, amplified sounds. Vito, you fucking idiot. Shut up. The entire job of the press secretary is to be the literal fucking mouthpiece for the president. What do you think about that? A message from the press secretary is as good as a message directly from the lips of that

senile, old, kiddy, diddling fuck. Wow! You don't think that's... I think the press secretary can represent a certain the spirit, maybe what the president feels. You can't claim it's a direct

quote from Biden. Okay. It is a quote from the press secretary Okay Hey Vito's actually right for once Thank you Cigarettes are too cool And do you know who banned the coolest cigarette? Shut the fuck up

That's right It was Joe Biden Fuck you Vito You voted for this You voted for Canceling menthols We're trying to help the black community here. With crack pipes?

I don't fucking know. That is a good point. We took away menthol cigarettes, but we're giving them crack pipes. No more menthols for you. Oh, shit. But free crack pipes. Here's a crack pipe.

That's a pretty good point. You should tweet that one. No, I want to keep my Twitter accounts. Nah. Not like you. Let's see. No, I want to keep my Twitter accounts. Nah. Not like you. Let's see. Here we go. Seatbelt thing.

Too many men. Let's see what this one. Hey, my biggest problem this week is too many men. Not enough women. I think there should be more women. Because right now, proportion now proportion wise women feel important and they shouldn't they shouldn't go back

to how they were like after the last couple world wars where there weren't that many good guys and they had to fight over us and a lot of times they ended up being prostitutes or sluts you know is that how it went? is that what this Elliot Rodger

calling us from hell? Too many guys, not enough. Too many women. Wait, is that what happened? No. After World War II, was there such a because so many died in the war that they had to fight over them? No, it's a baby boom. There's plenty of both.

Yeah, I was going to say. Well, maybe there was like a brief period of time. How many guys got killed? I don't know that many americans maybe not but other soviets soviets maybe there was a glut yeah or a lack so that guy that guy will know when there's not too many men yeah and he gets laid then you've got just the right mixture if biden goes to war with the ukraine you'll uh be very happy because i'm not even gonna get my hopes up yeah you want it to happen nuclear war yeah yo yeah i don't know if a nuclear will uh be what emerges from that what if bigger than whatever is bigger than that

invent a new bomb that goes back in time i think the russians would fucking put a poison bomb in the middle of new york based on all their previous shit oh that'd be great they're psychopaths uh leave la russians are psychopaths yes the russians are psychopaths wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute you think this is russia's fault yes next week next week i almost brought in some Russian problems, but this is an emerging story. Last one. What's up, Dick and Vito? This is Rex Sexton. My biggest problem is when girlfriends

go on vacation. And every time they leave, they bring half of their house over to my apartment to take care of. Like, here's my fucking house plant. Here's my fucking dog. Here's my fucking

sourdough starter. And I'm working worse than trying to adjust a row of aloe vera or whatever the fuck into that last ray of light. While cleaning up dog feces and healing with these spores flying around my kitchen wall at the same time. You gotta keep it going. You gotta feed it. My tiny, spiced-eating girlfriend is getting split in half by some muscle dummy in Cancun. Oh, that's tough.

Browsing tropical resorts getaways. White sand beaches, palm trees, coconut margaritas, and plenty of cock. Nothing like having your girlfriend come back to you off yellow semen still pouring out of her pussy while you have nothing in life left to look forward to. This guy wrote us a little poem. He always does. Can't wait to have a one in a million chance of hooking up with some fat chick in Omaha. I can't wait to have a one in a million chance of hooking up with some fat chick in Omaha. You know, the only comfort following a guarantee of my girlfriend getting Bukkake gang banged while she's on vacation is the fact that once she returns, everything she left is going to be dead.

Maybe, including myself. Well, that's too bad. Hopefully you took care of her kombucha jar as well. You got to keep that going. Come in everything. Yeah. Come on the plants, come in the dog, come in the sourdough. You ever make sourdough?

No. Me neither. Do you have to like keep it? So sourdough starter is like a, it's a bacteria. So you have to like keep the bacteria alive. How do you keep bacteria alive? I think you feed it yeast. Just like dump?

There you go. I don't know. I think yeast and hot water you just add a little bit every now and then. Okay. You want to read Superchats? Some people have like their grandmothers have been keeping their sourdough starter going for decades. Oh really? Yeah. It's like one of these things where you can There's breweries in Germany that

have like the original yeast dig. Hundreds of years old. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. They made bread out of yeast they found in like a, like an Egyptian tomb. Don't say Gwyneth Paltrow's pussy.

It was Gwyneth Paltrow's pussy. No, it was like Egyptian tombs and stuff. They crack them open. That's better. Let's make some weird bread from this.

Oh, I heard about that. Yeah. How was it? Apparently it was okay. It was okay. Might have been a little flat. I don't know.

Egyptiany. We got some a little flat. I don't know. Egyptiany. We got some super chats here. I think we had one further up, no? Nope. I think it might sometimes. It's gone then. Yes. Oh, sorry about that.

Eric Gare for Five says, the problem is that there's YouTube ads, then they plug their Patreon, then they flog merch, then there's a raid sponsorship etc pick one or get hate okay i will accept that you can go overboard with promotion some guys have like a 50 page thing at the end of a video yeah i usually pick one thing and i go this is what i'm promoting this week i have fun with it sure brandon ramsey for five says winter olympics is based also summer

olympics has volleyball easily the most attractive girls in each country. You can just look at porn. Or go on Instagram. There's a lot of things whenever somebody goes, like, yeah, but there's hot chicks. There you go. We have porn now. You never have to say that ever again. You just put, like, hot chicks.

You're making it weird by By needing to Look at that Sporting event And And wanna fuck the girls there Like saying that's a positive I don't want that Yeah I want to

Look at girls who are Trying to be hot Like I don't wanna I don't wanna look at A bunch of athletes Uh Well anyway That $20

Keto cereal Says pink sock For $2 Is a worse ad than raid Yeah have you seen those ads? No. There's like this cereal that's supposed to be healthy or something. Keto cereal?

Yeah, but again, just focus on what the ad is. Ignore it. Ignore it. If it's not free, there's probably somebody out there who wants keto cereal. It's for that guy. Can you imagine how pissed off the first people were at the very first ad on Late Night or whatever? The Timex ad? There's just a watch that's like sponsored by like, what the fuck?

All over the US, some guys were going like, honey, what the fuck is this? There's no way everybody accepted it. The Colgate Comedy Hour, all the shows were named after a fucking product. Or like when church did it for the first, when the first preacher is is like you know what if i uh ask for a little bit of money you accept that what the major sporting games occur in the fucking staples center or the fucking uh tostitos fiesta bowl or whatever you never question that shit yeah it's fucking roll with it all right i want to win the fiesta bowl username for five says is, is Hunter biting eligible for the free government pipe? I don't know.

I think they canceled it. I would hope so. Because of all the right wing outrage. Yeah. Which sucks because it was a lot of like soap and stuff. No, it was like there's actually helpful stuff in there. It was just a little bit of crack pipes. Joe Laquinto for two says,

raid made by Plarium based in Israel. So it's an Israeli game. Oh, what's it about? It's about raiding Palestine. Yeah, there's a holy land. Collecting their kids. You have to establish missile silos to protect your kingdom. You got to trick Uncle Sam into paying for your stuff.

For your Iron Dome. You have to pick which marketing angle you invest more money in, which celebrities you're courting to plug your cause. You got a fake bomb in Orphanage

so you go, well, look at what they did. I mean, what can we do? We have to retaliate. Like SimCity, but SimIsrael. They should make that.

SimPalestine. We'll call it SimPalestine. People would flip if you call it SimIsrael. Urbeta Patch for $4.99 says, people aren't mad at most ads or sponsorships. They hate when people shill predatory mobile games and bad services. People would flip if you called it Sim Israel. Urbeta Patch for $4.99 says, People aren't mad at most ads or sponsorships.

They hate when people shill predatory mobile games and bad services like Candid and BetterHelp. I don't, like, I play all these mobile games. They all seem, what is predatory? You know, you have to define that better. Okay, I would like to, everyone, go buy cigarettes. They're awesome. They're fun to smoke. Camelites or Lucky Strikes, they will give you cancer.

Smoke a whole pack every day. But they'll make you cool and attractive. They're cool and it's worth it. I see that when people say that, and I believe that they think that. But then I think, well, I mean, fuck Donald's. Like, is that not equally bad as a game that is theoretically free? Like, you don't actually have to spend money on the game. Yeah. Unless some people really like it and you drop some money on it.

I have a hard time accepting altruism as the basis of anything. Especially complaining like an asshole. It's a product. I'm being a prick because I care so much about people. Oh, yeah, me too. I think you can only be upset with a product if the product is lying about what it contains. Like, if Raid says, like, oh, I'm going to make you beautiful and attractive

and handsome and, you know, you're never going to have to spend a dollar on this. I don't know. But if it's not lying to you, like, examine the product. Yeah. Pulling up in a sick-ass car. Two guys in suits. Oh, yeah, cool. Some hot chick. You have some responsibility as the consumer

as well okay is that it uh i think so isn't there a way to bring up the other super chats we'll have to look for that next time oh no there's more there's more there's more oh okay uh people aren't mad yeah right there to be fair uh tbf says for five dollars veto voted for crack pipes and the worst inflation since the 1980s here's the 30 trillion more on the national debt yeah sure i love inflation it's very fun pink sock for five says doing things for money and not because you enjoy the work is selling out yeah but i think i don't think it is just doing it for the money i don't you know it's to keep the work going it's to keep the creativity you know alive's to keep the creativity alive.

Because otherwise, I would just have to work on something else to make money. I think the term selling out is something that stupid people have. Yeah. It's like a stupid language word. Right. And they trick you into explaining in their stupid terms how you're not selling out or selling out but it's just like them going like shenanigans like well what do you mean um like i'm doing an ad yeah uh what do you what do you think this is i'm doing it's very calm i mean if it's completely at odds with who you are like I think about that time that

Johnny Rotten made an advertisement for like butter and you're like all right well I guess it's like kind of at odds the whole punk rock why fucking image but maybe it is punk rock the butter company is gonna give me free money like this is the most yeah it was like death clocks coffee their first right was a coffee jingle. I don't know, man. It's complicated, but ultimately. People have ways of manipulating you to make you fail. But I think me as a guy who talks about comic books and video games, whatever else, it's not like it's out of my character to show for a video game.

But it's one that you don't play or like. I haven't actually played it. It's even worse. Yeah, but it's a sponsored fucking thing. I mean, like you might as well be selling like douche bags. No, because that's not on brand. Shadow douche. I don't know, man.

Not cleaner for your vagina. All I know is Raid Shadow Legends has the champions and abilities that I love. And if you order, if you install now. Are you getting paid for this? You're going to get 500 gold and a free epic champion. I'm trying to remember the script. I don't know. Okay.

Last one. Face off against Raid Boss the Hydra for epic loot. Mike Hunt for two says Maddox would never sell out with ads. Eric Gare for two says solution. Timestamps to skip your ads easier yeah i don't know okay biggest problem that show patreon.com slash biggest problem to check out the new bonus episode yep which we will be recording right now thanks to everyone for your support thanks bye