The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 29 - Support Your Local Pedo

Episode Date: February 19, 2022

Pedophiles, Ear Worms, Local Businesses, Fear of a Black Elf

I'm excited. Are ya? No, I don't know. Yeah. You're not. You're having a real bad day. I can tell. Yeah, I'm grumpy.

I'm grumpy. I'm grumpy for a number of reasons. I naturally look to see, like, what was under there? Well, that looks good. Alright. Somebody's complaining about the fucking audio. What's wrong with the audio? They can never say.

They can never say. Yeah, I can't articulate it. It's just because there's nothing. Audio sounds weird. Right. They just like complaining. Yeah. Oh like studio looks like shit what's what's wrong with it what should i do should i put a new light somewhere does the contrast too high i don't know looks like shit meanwhile i would do a stream and like the audio levels were clearly wrong the entire time and ever nobody mentions it and i watched the playback and i'm like why is this so obvious to me and none of you could say like hey you're 10 times lower than the guest

how is it that's not everybody's built in i don't know it's not just built in all right are you Oh, oh, oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, yes. Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from metals of gold to crack being sold. Ooh, ah. I'm your host, Dick Masters, and joining me as always is Vito Gisualzi. Hey, Dick.

What's up, buddy? I think I'm still playing the wrong theme song. No, this is the right one. Why? Which one do you like better? Because No Pants Gomez did one where it cuts out. Maybe I am playing the right one. I don't know.

That one faded out right there. Oh, baby. Big weekend. I have a big show coming up this weekend. Why? Ralph's calling in to my show. The big Ralph. Mr. Girl's calling in to my show. The big Ralph. Mr. Girl's calling in to the show.

Mr. Girl's always a good... He's got a whole lot going on. I don't know who's causing more waves. Yeah. I think Ralph's causing a bit more waves. What if Mr. Girl gets that fucking fruity weird... Doctor? Mr. Whatever?

Fucking guy, dude. Yeah, Dr. K. What a scumbag It's really weird What an opportunistic Sack of shit That guy is So basically Mr. Girl

There's this guy Named Dr. K Who's like An online Yeah he's like An online psychologist Who drags these YouTubers into these

Dude he's Embarrassing therapy Sessions that are You know For clerks Live that should not be. But he's like, the way he's pushing them into doing shit

is so evil and purposefully and methodically done. I mean, half of me is like, oh, amazing. I can watch Wreckful, like his ghost, hop out of his body and run over the window and dive out.

I'm like, you just told him you love him and you'd be with him for two years. And then the next time you talk to him in front of everybody, you say, never mind. What do you think he's going to do, you imbecile? Yeah, this YouTube streamer guy killed himself after some online Dr. K therapy. Quote, some quote, not therapy. Yeah, not therapy. Not therapy. Oh, God.

I love Mr. Girl. Mr. Girl did a whole expose that people should watch yeah uh i feel like my excitement is almost like i don't want to be involved i'm like yeah he obviously killed him fuck that guy it's really he's responsible for his death whatever i mean the whole point of therapy is not that it's like a fun thing for people to watch it's like a, you do this behind closed doors and you know. Yeah. You don't cry. But he needs that license. He needs the license or his fans will think he's a fake, right?

Like he has that license. It's like Dr. Phil. Yeah. Dr. Phil when people say, well, he doesn't have a license. He gave up his license so he could have the show. I think he got it taken away because he fucked a patient is what i thought but you might be right i i thought there's no way you should have a license and be doing that shit no i think it's one of those things where if you have the license and

do it you get sued into the ground so you have to get rid of the license and go this is for entertainment purposes only i'm not really a therapist yeah but then he'd lose but then everyone wouldn't take it seriously and they wouldn't believe. Because it's not serious. Right now they can all say like, this is serious because he's a doctor. As soon as he loses that doctor he's like, well what is this guy fucking teaching me about meditation? And he's also saying crazy shit like, you know,

you should try some homeopathic medicine. You should try these water drops that have one one thousandth percent of uranium. And he's talking about quantum physics. He's totally wrong. He knows nothing about quantum physics yeah totally right he knows nothing about quantum physics that drives me insane guys like philosophizing about quantum physics it's like dude you don't like you don't even have it right first of all but like say like your depression doesn't exist until you observe it and i'm like that's you can't just take quantum physics and

that's not quantum physics yeah let me stop you right there that's a very specific property of electrons yeah but it's just the same as having depression and then you just tell a guy that until he kills himself and you take none of the responsibility for it anyway anyway no knock raids i scribbled it all out. No-knock raids. Big winner. Yeah, which I think you're okay with. I think you said you wanted it to win. I did. Because I knew it would win. Yeah.

So I went ahead and got in front of it. Oh, you got in front of it. That's what happened. The Olympics. God, the Olympics. Are we ever going to get rid of no-knock raids? Not so long as we live in a militarized nation where we go,

what do we do with these extra military vehicles? Just give them to the cops and let them drive them into poor people's houses for fun. It's going to be like, well, we got to stop people

before they commit crimes. Yeah. That's what it's going to be. Precogs, of course. Well, the scary thing is everyone will believe that. Yeah. You could convince

like 70% of America that the government has a computer a bat computer that lets them figure out who's going to commit crimes meanwhile it's just like is the guy black and probably was going to do something that's why they stopped ai they had an ai that uh that looked for like predicted right right predicted bail yeah it's like uh they had to shut it down that's serious um i can imagine that actually happened yeah olympics came in next do you watch the olympics this week i'm gonna say my olympic problem is that nbc owns the rights to everything so you can't even like you heard that like a

figure skater girl like fell a bunch of times was crying her eyes out because she's a big failure and i'm like i want to see a woman cry where do i see that it's like all the news stories can't show it they can only show like stills oh why because all the footage is owned by nbc they have the exclusive broadcast rights to all of it so it's impossible to see anything that even happens the olympics that would be an event that i want to see yeah making a woman making your wife cry harder than... Apparently, they were all crying. She was crying.

The Russian who got second place was crying. I'm like, I want to see all these young women have their lives and dreams destroyed in an instant. It's beautiful. Okay.

Sponsored hate. Sponsored hate. Which is a little odd. Some people took... Hey, it's still in the positive. Some people took issue with them, but...

Crack was the last one. Crack. I should have brought in more stats about how much crack ruined it. I think you should have decided before you started off. You're like, crack pipes. Ah, let's just do crack.

I don't know why crack. Because I was on crack. Why was crack on your mind? Dice MM says, glad to know Dick only values money because that's the only way he measures any things, no apostrophe, worth.

If ice skating, capitalized for no reason. The proper noun of ice skating, of course. If ice skating the person. Yeah. Guys, just you don't have to be so dumb. Yeah. If ice skating has no capital letters in it. It's like one of those weird text to speech problems.

If ice skating can't make money, it shouldn't be a thing. Very well said. Thank you. Yeah, it shouldn't be a thing. Right. If it can't make money, then it shouldn't be a thing. I agree. Doesn't it make money?

Well, only because it's like the dud in the olympics it's like figure skating ice skating i think figure skating they have you know people pay to go watch a figure skating uh where competition they're pretty big in some places i thought san francisco what is that supposed to mean i can't believe Vito voted for Raid Shadow Legends. Wow, okay. Silvius Rain, Vito's argument just sounded like you're just jealous I'm making money. No, ads are just really annoying. We created the internet.

Wow. Him and... Yeah, who? You created the internet. Him and Hal Finney and... We created the internet so we could escape the bullshit that was mainstream TV. That's not why the army created the internet so we could escape the bullshit that was mainstream TV. That's not why the army created the internet.

That's not why we created it. With its commercials and regulations. But the internet just slowly morphed back into mainstream TV. You can skip a lot of ads with an ad blocker, but then they started paying YouTubers to just give 10-minute ads at the start of each video

that you have to manually skip Youtubers are so far into their algorithms that they can't basic admit a basic thing anymore that ads are just annoying to listen to at best They're just something you have to put up with I make one exception for internet historian who actually makes his ads fun to listen to Oh fun ads Exciting I don't know why I hit the show more on that. Look, the point is not that ads are not annoying. The point is that, like, every time you watch TV and the commercials come on,

do you feel the need to write the creator of the show and go, I'm going to stop watching your show because you run ads on it. We don't need to know that. We know the ads are annoying. Just fucking suck it up and deal with it. What do you care? Shut up and let me make some money, won't you? Yeah, shut up.

JJ, I forgot that Dare promised us someone would give us free drugs. Never happened. Never let them forget it. It's bullshit. Harpreet,

Dick is just making it easy for Vito to bring in Republicans as a problem. When the war on drugs and no-knock raids, he's going to connect some dots. Hmm.

Yeah. By the way. He started some bad stuff. Yeah, they're terrible. Get our bonus episode. Patreon.com slash Biggest Problem. We got a new bonus episode

up there. Check it out. It's a good, solid problem and by being part of the Patreon, you can submit your problems to be part of a future bonus episode. Do not read my name on air.

Hey, Dick and Vito, several friends of mine have had their doors kicked in by police the police justification amounts to as little as political affiliation they had their phones computers world war ii flags and books they're world war 2 flex confiscated

yeah I wonder what those are gonna fucking be one is even in prison over terrorist allegations yeah he is innocent and being held without trial

sure and they are using COVID as the excuse. I will probably be raided myself in the next month or so. Well, I don't know how to say good luck in German, but if I did, I would say it now. It's just political

affiliation. And just some books and flags. Just some books. Historical books. Historical documents. The swap meet is down that guy. In the spot. His spot. I love those guys. The swap made us down that guy. In his spot. His spot. I love those guys. Let's go see the Nazi guys.

Let's go see the Nazi. They got rid of those guys. You're not allowed to have those guys anymore. How are you supposed to learn about Nazis? Comic books? I just love World War II flags. Oh, what could that be? All right, am I going first?

That's right. That was great. Dick, my problem is... Yeah. Small businesses. Well, you voted against them, so... I'm sick of it. Yeah, I did vote against them,

and I'm starting to think that I was right. Yeah. Here's the thing, man. Small business in general? Just the concept of the support your local small business, right? Because that's what we've been hearing the entire time through this pandemic is, you know, it's really up to us to step up. Our local small businesses are hurting.

Yeah. And it's on us. We got to support these guys. Well, I've tried and it sucks and I'm never doing it again. I'm done with them. I'm buying everything online because the small business is just terrible.

Why? What do you mean it's terrible? I'm going to give an anecdote and I know that some people are going to go, I agree with you. I went to a hardware store. You ever downgrade from Home Depot to a local hardware store This place is a fucking This place looks like the Dungeons and Dragons

Hole that you can put anything in It looks like I'm in there And they have tools left over from 1970 That have been sitting there You're like I want a hammer And they're like oh we have this one It's $30 It's covered in dust

Why does your lumber have dust on it? There's a huge lumber shortage. Here's the thing is I'm willing, like in my mind, here's the scenario. I know this is stupid, but I wanted to buy Magic Card Stick, okay? And I go on Amazon. And you had to have them right now. You're jonesing for Magic Card Stick. I got to get my hands on the sweet cardboard.

I wanted to get them. I didn't want to wait for an online thing. And also, I said, you know what? I'm going to do the right thing. I'm going to support a local small business. I need the stench of these losers to go in there. I need a glass countertop that I don't want to lean too much on because I know it'll break. Yeah, immediately.

And then I have to buy like $60,000 in cards. Yeah. Well, what do you call it? I go, you know, it's great that I'm supporting these guys because they got like a little space where people can come in and play games. So I'm even willing to pay a little bit of a premium to help support that experience. Now, a box of cards on Amazon is a hundred dollars. Okay. And I go, you know what? I'd be happy to pay $110, $120, even $125. I would be willing to pay a 25% markup because I know that money's going to a good place.

So I roll in and I go, let me get a box of cards there, sir. What's wrong with going to Jeff Bezos? What do you mean? That's as good as it gets. Well, apparently, because the guy goes, it's $150. And I'm like, well. And I'm like. 50% markup?

50%. And I'm like looking at him. I'm like, I wanted to help you out here. Like I was even mentally, I was like, I want to do a thing that will provide for my community. So there's a community store that people could visit. And then I'm like, I'm not going to just give you- You built your addiction to toys into your stand and deliver? Yeah.

I'm helping my community out by buying toys? I am. I'm supporting a small local business and the employees there. He's just going to buy toys with him. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing. Toy addiction. It happened to two different stores and it happened happened again today, because I tried a second

time. I said, this is a fluke. I'll go to a different store. Okay. Not only did the guy want $150 for a box, but then he looks at me, and he goes, I'm going to need you to put a different mask on. And he takes out this mask, and I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? What was your first mask?

Because I have these masks. Look. They're these masks that are kind of like mesh because the mask does fucking nothing and we all know it. Yeah. Unless you have some sort of N95 mask, it's fucking useless. So I'm like, all right, it's like a loose piece of cloth. It does as much as your fucking mask.

And he goes, I'm just not comfortable with you having that in my store. But you're already in there. I'm already in there. You're already poisoned. You're already poisoned. Whatever amount of poison. You should have said that in the parking lot. If you really care about this, you should have your face turned away from me and be hiding from me. And he's like, I'm going to need you to either put this on or leave the store. And I'm like, well, good. I'm leaving then.

And I'm like, I was going to leave anyway because I'm not going to give you an extra $50. I'm just going to go on Amazon and buy it for $100. I want to take more time for you to just hand me the magic box instead of this fucking mask that's the thing he didn't even need to i was i was about to leave the store anyway but he felt like you know all day he waits for someone to come in that he can like take an issue with how they're wearing their mask because that's the thing i've realized about these these local store employees they're just bitter yeah Yeah, exactly. This is their small amount of control. It's like, it's my store.

It's not even their store. They're an employee. I am in charge of the store right now. Yeah. And I'm going to treat people who come in like shit or like they're stupid and shit. Like, I'll ask a very simple question. He didn't even get his manager for you.

That's what you're saying. You want to see, oh, yeah? You want to fuck with me and my mask? I'd like to talk to your manager. i need to have that upper on them i think the manager would have probably been a tyrant himself yeah but still you gotta you need to be able to say that spit on their floor and go oh shit i'm sorry sometimes i just randomly spit in places okay also this was all day today then i went to a video game store No prices on anything And I'm like It's the market

Market price Right The market price I go How much is this game? And he goes Hold on I gotta check eBay

Did they check eBay? Yes And I'm like You know what? I'm just gonna go on eBay then Yeah I no longer have any need For any local

And I know I'm just buying nerd shit, but I'm sure if I was buying whatever the fuck. No, hardware stores are like that too. Like the wood is like all leaned back against the corner. I'm like, I lean my wood like that in my house. Why do you guys have your wood like that? Yeah. How come there's no barcodes on anything in this

place? Well, that's the thing is I've been to a local hardware store and I just stopped going because I was like, you can't find anything you want. Home Depot is infinitely better. They got every single fucking thing. Then you've got, then the worst small business for me is the one that only exists because women are

afraid of money. So they don't feel comfortable having money on them. So they try to spend it as quickly as possible to get rid of it. So it's like a stationary store. Right. Like a pen pen store and then there's like three things in the store like come on how do you how could you possibly make business at all if not for women coming in blowing somebody else's money on this shit yeah okay that's the thing the little boutique stores where you're like why do you not have like a bunch of stuff like again like and then half these stores are just funko pops anyway which is a previous problem

i've realized that i feel like half of america's small businesses are going to go out of business when the funko pop craze ends because they're everywhere it doesn't matter what the business is again it'll be a stationary store it's not why do you think it's ever gonna end it's never gonna end at some point no no no every store i go into i'm like the entire economy is based on funko pops now and that's why i don't need to go to these local businesses they have nothing i need and if they have anything i want i can just get it cheaper online yeah and even when i'm like i'll pay a little more to get it now they They never have anything. Best Buy is like one of those stores in North Korea where it's just

like a bunch of things, pictures of things. Okay, I'd like to get the new iPhone. They're like, you know what? We're out of that. We've been sold out of that for months. I didn't tell you which one I wanted. Which one do you want? The ugliest one. The mini one that has no storage

We're sold out of that I'm sorry you're going to have to go to the website Tell them Carla sent you And they always have This like weird Attitude man Maybe it's just the nerd stores But there's this one game store in Vegas I went to

And I'm like again there's no prices on anything So I'm like oh how much is that game? And I know it's expensive, but you know, maybe there's a good deal. And the guy just goes, it's expensive. And I'm like, maybe you look broke. Maybe that's what they're insinuating. They're insinuating. Like, don't make me wait.

Not only will they not put the price on it, but the guy doesn't even want to be bothered to look it up. I'm like, well, can you tell me how much it is? And he goes, and he goes to the computer, looks it up. I'm like, well, then fuck it. Then don don't sell it just look at it all the time yeah this is the reason that all these businesses deserve nothing from me yeah all right um i'm sick of it i agree with you actually it's i i want except for the food yeah well the local restaurants are almost let me hit you with this one i'm gonna go i going to go with you on the food, too.

Okay, so there's this pizza restaurant around me. Yeah. And my girlfriend always orders everything, always orders the food, right? So they fucked up the pizza one time, and I called in and said, Hey, you fucked up our pizza. And he's like, Well, what was your order? And I said to me goes oh wait a minute are you grubhub or something like that and i said yeah grubhub and he goes uh

oh well don't don't use them they charge us they charge us like 25 percent of all our orders just call us directly and we'll do it i said okay i mean whatever i'll do that yeah so next time they fucked up a piece i call back and said hey you fucked up he goes wait a minute i didn't i talk to you like a couple weeks ago and told you not to use Grubhub? And I said, yeah, you did. I told my fucking wife never to use Grubhub. So I put the phone

and said, honey, did I tell you never to use a fucking Grubhub? Did you? He's saying you used a Grubhub. So I said, I yelled at her this time and he's like, okay. Good, good, good. We'll send you your new knots or something like that. I hung up and I'm like, I had to do that because I didn't want him to spit in her knots or something. So then months later, I go to order again and I said, wait a minute.

Honey, don't you dare order Grubhub. Right, right. We'll get in trouble. She goes, I'm not doing your way. I'm doing it on Grubhub because I don't fucking care about him or any of this shit that you're doing. And I said, fine. I'll do it then, you bitch. So I go on their website on their website can't order the website I have to download their app. Well. I'm not telling her about that. Yeah, I would never do this I'm like I saw the app right yeah

Fucking fix you looking like the caddy my caddy Shack right off fucking fix you judge Yeah, just see if you fucking think about this put it in ordered the same thing that we always get right yeah hit order said you need to order a minimum of 50 to use this app i'm like you gotta be fucking kidding me man they had they put a minimum so i i said it was uh like 44 something i said honey how much is the order usually? And she pulls up her thing. She's like, $42.50. So not only is it more on their app, but you can't. You have to order over $50.

And I said. So you almost, you start to realize, you go, well, at least with the corporation. I drew a swastika on the pizza place. It was in the news. At least with the corporation, there's probably one guy who knows math, like figuring out the prices. Here, it's just like, I don't know,

just put a fucking price on it and they'll suck it up and whatever. I was so mad about that. Small businesses. Small businesses. Fuck small businesses. Step it up.

Amazon only. I love it. Yeah, I just bought it. Amazon only. Has a small business ever gone into space? No. They take their money and buy their ugly fat wives boob jobs with it and buy jet skis that

they use once and then sit in the garage forever. That's a small business. I only want to eat Denny's, McDonald's, brands I can trust. Denny's is too small. Yeah. Okay. It's got to be nation. Bigger.

Got to be only bigger. i'm only getting my food from amazon fresh unless it's a coca-cola product i will not eat there unless it has a stock ticker yeah unless it's in in the s&p 500 i will not or russell 2000 i will not no russell 2000s s&p 500 only is wendy's s&P, I think. Let's hope. Who owns it? Probably Coke. Honestly. I was going to say Yum Brands is probably there.

You can eat at Taco Bell. Okay. That's your problem? Fuck small business. Fuck small business. Well, I don't know if you can call the problem then. Small businesses. Small businesses.

And if you are a small business owner, fuck you. Yeah. How about that? Just try a little harder. Give me an experience, right? Isn't that what I'm supposed to get? It's supposed to be an experience No

You're supposed to get just a thing I just want sheep for shit, man I just want that fucking pizza thing Reasonably priced You made me so upset That makes no sense That's a pretty good problem Thank you

Here's my problem Pedophiles Oof That's a pretty big That's not a bad one I think we can agree i think we i hate those guys i can't stand them i personally am not a fan if i had the choice between being a pedophile and not being a pedophile i would choose not i think that's a brave stance

and i'm right there with you i've got some stats for you there's uh there's nearly half a million registered sex offenders in the u.s 80 000 to 100 000 of them are missing how many of them are pedophiles oh that's i think all of them i don't know let me read them okay a typical pedophile will commit 117 sex crimes in a lifetime. What? Oh my god. That must include viewing of pornography, right? As a sex crime? What am I? What do I look like? A pedophile?

I'm just assuming. I mean, the amount I look at normal pornography, if that was a sex crime. It's way more than 117 times. I would have hundreds of thousands. The head of Facebook met a group whatever day. I would have hundreds of thousands. So the head of Facebook meta group whatever

community. I saw that. What the fuck was that? I got more stats but that's why I'm bringing this in. Meta acts as a head of global community

development after he appears on video in an underage sex sting. These sex stings are wild because I'm sex sting.

It was a sex sting sex sting. They didn't fucking put that it was a sexting sexting they didn't fucking put that oh that's good journalists man yeah their brains are fucking any rhymes in anything uh rhymes on this show yeah sex sex king sex king sexting. Caught sexting in sexting on. Sex king? Yeah. Sex king caught sexting in sexting. I don't know if he's a sex king, but.

He's a 13-year-old kid. He probably looks enormous. He said he had a 12-inch penis in the lugs. How long? 12-inch penis. That can't be true. Those pedophiles always go like, well, I wasn't going to do anything, right? I just gave him a hotel number and gave him money for cab fare.

He said when I would be here, but I wasn't actually going to do anything. And I think, bullshit. But then he says, you told him you had a 12-inch penis. And I think, well, maybe he's telling the truth then. Yeah, maybe he's just goofing around. Now he's going to explain that. That's not 12-inch. Immediately the kid's going to go, wait a second. I's not 12 immediately the i know how big 12 inches is we use protractors in math class all the time i'm at the specific

age we're measuring things as a common part of my day so they got they busted him um well that's not a good way of putting it yeah uh it does feed yeah okay oh Oh, yeah, here's what Facebook said. The seriousness of these allegations cannot be overstated. I think they probably could. Yeah, you could go overstated. Well, I think I know what they're trying to say. It's the end of the world. It's the end of the world. But that's why I have a problem with it.

Because I know what they're trying to say, and I don't like... You don't accept it. I don't accept that. You don't like this hyperbole. It's not possible to it's not possible to uh say house if you had sex with that kid we'd all be dead right now well see that would be overstating overstating it wouldn't affect me in any way right at all the day the day-to-day of most people would not change an asteroid hitting the world. Yeah. That would be hard to overstate.

Difficult. Difficult. You still could. You still could. Cannot be overstated. And then they capped the article. Where did I get this? TechCrunch?

I don't know why I'm bringing this part in. Just because it's lightening the mood a little bit. Coincidentally, this is how TechCrunch ends the article. Coincidentally, the company has been trying to refresh its PR offense, starting with naming former UK politician Nick Clegg as their president of global affairs. They will have their work cut out for them. After the pedophile.

Was he the head of community for meta or whatever? Yeah, that's the worst one for him to be, right? Right, probably. That he's trying to build a community. Yeah, he's in charge of all. I'm just inviting him into my community to be part of the community. Like if he played Ronald McDonald

in person at like O Grand Opening at McDonald's restaurants, that would be less harm than he could have done as the... It's always confusing to me. Do these guys just live with so much guilt? Because it was another one of these things where you know, these two YouTubers

are just like... These two youths! YouTuber guys, right? They, uh... He like talks to them for an hour, and I'm like, bro, just cut your losses. Just leave. Yeah, exactly. And why are you... You know what else bothers me about pedophiles? Here's what... This is more than the rape.

What bothers me is that they lie, they don't just go like, yeah, what's up? I'm fucking, I'm a fucking pedophile. I'm the fucking devil, dude. I'm coming for you. You wish pedophiles were a little more punk rock about it. Why not? Come on, man. I mean, you're already caught.

Have some fun with it. At least you can respect a villain, a proper villain. Like the emperor. I don't know if you can. So the raping kids, okay. I don't like that. I am not a kid, so it doesn't affect me, but I don't like it. I understand why, you know?

Yeah. But the, like the, oh, I'm, you know, there's some kind of mistake. Like, oh, come on. People don't come to me and say, oh, you know, this the like the oh i'm you know there's some kind of mistake like oh come on people don't come to me it's like oh you know this shit uh this shit is uh pretty negative about women yeah because they're fucking dumb like i'm not like oh you know oh you know some women are funny i really want to set up this thing where what do you call it i we find one of those pedophile hunting groups right and we talk we talk to them to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We want to fuck you, you 13-year-old boy. But they show up and the guy they meet is a 13-year-old boy.

And he's like, and he goes, yeah, I'm Jacob, age 35 with a 12-inch dick. Are you the 12-year-old I'm supposed to meet? We catfish them until meeting a child predator who is a child. Okay. Okay. Who is pretending to be a 40-year-old man. Wait, but it's a child? Right.

So they show up and they're like, we're going to bust this guy. And they go into the hotel room and there's just a 14-year-old boy in there. And he's like, all right, are you here for the sex? You know what I want to see is a 12-year-old boy faking out the pedophile hunters. So he shows up and he's like, what's up? Is Johnny here? I'm supposed to have some kind of a date with him. I think that's what I was trying to explain.

Really? Yeah, I think that's what I was trying to say. No, no, no. The guy that they think they're busting actually is an underage boy. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. That's what you're trying to say. Okay. So he shows up and he's like, what's up?

I don't know why I couldn't get. Yeah, exactly. He shows up. I'm fucking 12. Okay. So he shows up. He's like, what's up? I don't know why I couldn't get. Yeah. Exactly. He shows up. I'm fucking 12. Yeah. Like, well, he says that he's 12. No, he is 12.

Yeah. He's 12, but I think he should pretend. He should say, no, I'm 35, man. Okay. Yeah. Then, yeah, we're saying the same. Yeah. He goes, no, my name's Tom. I'm 35, and I'm here to fuck.

Yeah, we're going to fuck. I work at an adult store. Doing business. Like, we need to see some ID. There you go. That's my ID. I'm sure that checks out. I work at an adult store. Doing business. Like, we need to see some ID. There you go. That's my ID. I'm sure that checks out. I'm the head of Facebook.

My cousin is Mark Zuckerberg. There are more than 42 million survivors of sexual abuse in America. Wow, so it affects a lot of people. 42,000. Million. 42 million. Dude, everyone's getting raped. Every which way. which way I guess so

Raped and you know there's also other stuff and finger and their butts yeah stat getting their wieners flicked Did dad ever do that to you and your kid did my dad ever flick my wiener if you're messing around fighting the backseat He goes he goes hey stop it back there and pulls your pants down and flick you in your wiener No fighting the backseat. He goes, Hey, stop it back there! And pulls your pants down and flicks you in your wiener. No. Me neither. That's very calm. Yeah, me neither. One in three girls are sexually abused before the age of 18. I mean, that's not...

The stat to put there is 13. One in five boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. So they always gotta make it like girls have it worse. Even in... They could've just said one in four young people under 18.

But they had to make it all about how girls have it so bad. I mean, when it comes to sexual abuse, I would imagine. How many boys under 18 are dressed like hoes, though? Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ, yeah. Unrelated statistic.

All these tarts running around in their Miley Cyrus. How many boys, what percentage of boys under 18 are wearing anything that says juicy on it ever? Zero. Good point. Thinking about milkshakes. Dress your girls better, America. Yeah, singing about their WAPs. One in five children are solicited sexually while on the internet before the age of 18.

Wow. One in five. Solicited on the internet? Yeah. Isn't everybody solicited on the internet below the age of 18 at this point? That's kind of low that I would have thought it was like six in five. I just think people are cold calling everybody regardless of age. Fetophiles are,

they got a lot of macros. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like StarCraft players. I think they go into the chat rooms and they just PM every single person. They go, wanna fuck, wanna fuck,

wanna fuck, wanna fuck, wanna fuck, wanna fuck. Like Destiny playing StarCraft. Da-da-da-da-da. Zerg rushing out. ASL, ASL, ASL, ASL. Yeah, I think that stat's low. But wouldn't asking,

wouldn't getting this stat be like sexual assault kind of? Obtaining, you mean asking them, have you been sexually assaulted? On Discord going like, has any guy ever asked about your wiener? Like, well, you just fucking did. 30% of sexual abuse is never reported. Well, how the fuck do you get that stat? I don't know. Did you know 90% of murders happen in the ghost realm?

Like, well, how the fuck does that work? I don't know. You could murder a ghost? I don't know. You're telling me 30% of something isn't reported. Well, how do you know if it wasn't reported? That's not the same murder? I don't know, man.

Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults, including assaults on adults, occur to children, what? Occurred to children. Assaults on adults happen to children? I don't understand that one. That's a good one. 90% of child sexual abuse victims know the perpetrator in some way. Well, that's the thing.

I didn't know you knew that many kids. Oh. It is true, though. Everybody always thinks it's some weirdo, but it's basically if anyone knows your kid. Well, it's a single mom bringing a fucking psycho. It's not always a single mom. It's like a sports coach. Yeah.

Teacher. Yeah. Approximately 20% of the victims of sexual abuse are under eight. Okay, now we're talking. 20%? What the fuck? Now we're talking. Now we're talking.

These are the good stats. What the fuck? These are stats that put numbers. Wait, is this 20% or under eight? Mm-hmm. I don't get it. You don percent are under eight i don't get it you don't get what i don't get one as much as these kids like it almost it don't like to me what do you call when are you when are you pubescent like after 14 i don't even know because that's too i shouldn't know something like that but i would go you're 18 that's You're 18 I can at least understand

I know you have this impulse As fucked up as it is Here you go Here you go Whatever An 8 year old kid is like a cartoon character It's not even like a real human being Their brains are fucked up

There's nothing there 95% of sexual abuse is preventable through education that's the this is by the way if anybody ever asks you to trust experts remember that quote please 95 of sexual abuse is preventable through education how i only tell people to not rape. Don't do that. Yeah. What do you mean? Why 95%? Where did that come from? I just think that's it. Do they have a control group of 20 people that were not educated and said,

well, go on, do what you want, do what you think is best. Well, did you ever hear about the guy who like a lot of the... What TED talk cured 95% of sexual abuse? There's that guy, there was a psychologist who talked to like pedophiles his whole life in like the 70s. And he was a pedophile? No, but it was just like these guys were like, yeah, you know, I raped another 20 kids

this week. And he's like, okay, well, what were you thinking when you did that? And everyone's like, why didn't you turn them in? And he's like, well, that was very valuable research for me. He was like pen pal. I think that he was pen pals though, so they didn't tell him exactly in? He's like, well, that was very valuable research for me. He was like pen pal. I think that he was pen pals though. So they didn't tell him exactly who they were.

Oh, but that's why a lot of the data is unreliable. Probably just the FBI trying to get him in there. A lot of this data comes from this dude who was like pen pals with a bunch of pedophiles, but he never was able to like confirm any of the data. Um, more than, oh yeah,

here's there's, that's nearly half a million registered sex a typical pedophile will commit 117 sexual crimes in a lifetime wow yeah that's a lot that's a lot i'd like to know what the definition of a sexual crime is yeah i think you know because if it's looking at pornography it's way more than that number. These guys are probably looking at child porn every fucking day. I don't know. I look at regular porn every fucking day. Yeah, but regular porn is fine. It's everywhere.

Yeah, but if you were- You don't have any- They might have a problem with what they're doing. So they stop themselves? Maybe. Dude, whenever you read about these guys, it's always like they had like 57 terabytes. It's like what? You never looked at it?

You just downloaded it for funsies? I don't know what a sex crime is. That guy, that fucking Josh Duggar guy. I'm just interested in education. Yeah. We got to educate. We got to educate. We can stop 95%.

That's what I hope. Okay. That's my problem. Pedophiles. Pedophiles. If you don't vote for it, you are a pedophile. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What with these qualifications? If you don't vote for my for it. You are a pedophile. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what were these qualifications?

If you don't vote for my problems, you're also a pedophile. Uh Go ahead. All right Dick My problem is Remember nambla? Yeah, that was gone now. There's like a funny though. It was kind of funny. It was funny There's like a new one Oh, there is probably not as good probably probably equally was hilarious equally bad to the previous one everyone was making jokes

about it no one fucking cared dick have you heard of fear of a black planet fear of a black planet yeah like uh pluto regardless my problem is, Dick. Yeah? Fear of a black elf. Wait, what's fear of a black planet? Actually, I forget it. Hold on. I brought it up like...

Is that a thing? Yeah. It's a phrase. Fear of a black planet? Like where white people are the minority? Fear of a black planet, I thought it. Yeah, it was an album by Public Enemy. I knew it was an album, but I thought maybe it was by...

I don't listen to hip hop. I don't listen to hip hop. My problem is fear of a black elf dick okay we have a new we're doing this we're doing this we're getting it done okay there's a new lord of the rings we're going abomination back to the shore i mean all the hobbitses squeeze yeah all right it's gonna be a stupid amazon fucking tv show they've spent like a billion dollars on it who cares okay if you're if you're like a normal human being you probably just shouldn't care at all well i'm gonna argue yeah but you care when there's forced diversity and diversity hiring was one of your problems that was forced by the studio if it comes out that

it was like a studio mandate that they had to have black people in it okay i'll agree with you but as is they go hey there's a new lord of the rings here's some pictures from it and there's a black elf and everybody has lost their fucking mind because it's dumb why is it dumb because the different races are like already a stand the different elves and shit are already a stand in for like our racial hangups and we can safely observe them. Adding an additional layer of race to it in a society that's like built around prejudice and then asking everyone to ignore it is fucking mind-boggling.

You don't even know that they're going to ignore it. It might be that he comes in and they go, whoa, I've never seen a black elf before. And he goes, oh,'t even know that they're going to ignore it. It might be that he comes in and they go, whoa, I've never seen a black elf before. And he goes, oh, that's not what they're going to say. Over the fucking mountains or some shit. You don't know. Nobody knows yet. So Kramer doesn't exist in this world.

It's just like, oh, there's no sort of... Does a black elf and a black dwarf have the same N-word? Or is it different? Do they have some kind of fist bump? It's fucking dumb. No, it isn't dumb. You don't know if it's dumb it could end up being dumb it's definitely dumb how is it definitely dumb it could be explained away in so many different ways it could make perfect sense within the fucking plot all right there could be multiple races black tree guys too going around was one of them black? Were there white tree guys? They weren't white or black. They're trees.

Yeah, exactly. They're dwarves. They're not white or black. They're just fucking dwarves. There's like a construct in your mind that you don't need to insert race into it. But it's not inserting race. It's just this dwarf is black. Why? Why not? Why does

it make it worse? Because it's a big choice. It's a big choice, you think? Yeah, okay, well, where are the Mexican dwarves then? I don't know, maybe there'll be a Mexican dwarf. Do they low-ride? Yeah, they low-ride. They low-ride through the caves of Maria or whatever the fuck.

Where do they come from? Is there like an Africa with dwarves in it? There could be different Because you know how... There could be different races of dwarves. There's no evolution in that universe. So how the fuck did you get... Why is there no evolution? There must be.

No, there's not. That goes all the way... Like, orcs, the monsters, are like twisted up elves. Where the fuck did that evolve from? There could be a random genetic mutation that led to a black dwarf. We don't fucking know. But you do because every... Maybe there's just a random genetic mutation that led to a black dwarf we don't fucking know but you do because every dwarf everything in that universe is decided with a black lady and they made a black fucking dwarf so there's black the black humans i i agree with i believe okay so you think that it'd be okay if there was a black warrior human in the lord of the rings yeah right

but not an elf for some reason. Where did it come from? We're gonna find out. Okay, look. You're allowed to complain. I know, because it came from like an Africa area. And the sun, they had to adapt for the sun. So they needed to be dark to not die. Can't everyone just wait for the show to come

out to find out like, oh, there's an explanation and it makes perfect sense within the context of it i mean the elves just go oh yeah black elves i've seen you guys around like yeah you guys there could be any number just like you guys are cool yeah that's how so it's a society where they're the most racist they're more racist in lord of the rings than they are in like 1950s america yeah but they don't have to be necessarily. But they are. They're like, you're a fucking dwarf.

Why does a fantasy world have to have the same sort of racial understandings as this world? Couldn't it be a world- Because it's for kids. But couldn't it be another world where they're just like, yeah, I don't know. You see a black elf. It's like, we see dragons all the fucking time.

We're not like, oh my God, there's a red one now. It's just like, yeah, there's dragons. There's like, whatever. But don't black elves, like dro dro elves fucking hate the other kind of elves sometimes it depends on the fantasy universe and maybe that'll happen here maybe i mean there better be some fantastic conflict on the show when all the white elves go whoa but i don't know if i can trust this black elf and then he's really good at dancing and singing songs and they're like,

I love, and he's really funny and they're like, I love this guy. I don't like their kind of music. If they say that, then I'm, there better be,

all I'm saying is, if there is like hyper racism like there would be, like there is in Dungeons and Dragons when there's black elves, I'm for it. What drives me nuts though is all the people who go,

well, according to the lore, which first of all, Amazon does not have the rights to all of Lord of the Rings. They have the rights to the Peter Jackson movies and anything that was in those. So they can't use any of the extended Lord of the Rings shit. They have to just base it on what was in those movies. Okay? There was no Black Dwarves in them.

Yeah, well, that's the thing is you can invent new shit. Well, then where's the Mexican dwarves? Like, honestly. Maybe they'll have one. Who cares? I care. Why? Because Mexicans never get shit.

It's always like, oh, there's a bunch of black elves in there. Well, where's the fucking, where's the fucking. But I'm saying if they make a Mexican elf, would you be happy or sad? Happy. Well, okay. It would be ruining your thing. And it would be John Leguizamo being up there as an elf. That's great.

That would be great. The point is that people, they get all up in their fucking thing and they're like, the lore. You have to be faithful to the lore. And they're like really pissed off that the dwarf doesn't have a beard,

the dwarf lady. And I'm like, do you understand that when Hollywood makes these adaptations, there's like certain creative changes that they make for the sake of just the visuals and the we don't want to not having a beard on a lady well yeah we don't want

to put her in the makeup chair every day and put a beard on her and also it's gonna look fucking stupid yeah okay like in game of thrones did you ever read the books no i never watched the show either okay you know that little dwarf guy no tyrian the the fucking oh the king i hate that guy yeah, yeah. Okay. In the books, he gets his fucking nose cut off. Okay. In the show, they go, oh, I heard you.

You can't say the M word like you just said. All right. Well, little people. Little people sounds worse to me. It's a dwarf. Are you supposed to say dwarf? Yes. That sounds way worse.

Because now it sounds like I'm going to call him... Take it up with them. Can I call him an elf? It sounds... They're not a fantasy creature. No. with them can i call them an elf it sounds they're not a fantasy creature why why is it better to call them a dwarf and not like they don't want to be called the other one i don't know i think i would rather be called an elf i think elves are more like respect them you

don't know you don't know shit about what they're going to i would be asking to be called an elf regardless it's all stupid anyway in the book he loses his nose and the to call a leprechaun. They don't cut off his fucking nose because they didn't want to put him in a makeup chair every time and a little looked fucking stupid. It's the same shit for this Lord of the Rings show. They're like,

yeah, we're just not going to put a beard on the lady. Okay, fine. Suck it up. Deal with it. Who gives a shit? They don't care about beards on ladies, though. No, they do.

The fans are losing their fucking minds. Every video I watch where they're complaining about this, and by the way, they're all saying it's woke. They should have beards on ladies that would be funnier i can't believe they didn't put a beard on this dwarf lady this show is ruined it will never live up to the lord they have no respect for tolkien meanwhile if you go look at what they put in

those movies that everybody fucking loves there's so much shit missing from the books are blatantly changed you know the eye of sauron the big flaming eyeball that watches them and shit? Yeah. You know that's not supposed to be an actual eyeball? What's it supposed to be? A butthole? No, the Eye of Sauron is like an idea. The idea that he has from some other realm.

Yeah, but you gotta put it up there, you know. You make fucking changes for the sake of a show. But you gotta put a beard on the lady. That's funny. That's like the most minute fucking nitpicky bullshit. It's the same though. It's the same with the black elf. I think it's nitpicky and stupid.

It can just be all the elves go. Oh, Hey, there's one of the black ones. That's it. It doesn't have to be like this grand fucking explanation for it. How is it going to impact the story if a black elf shows up and everyone's just cool with it? How does that make the story worse?

Why the fuck are... How come he's black? How come they're white? Why are they white? So, uh... What do you mean, how come they're white? Why are the elves white? I don't know.

Okay. Now I have to know these things. No, you don't. You can just accept that i will have to know these things no you don't think just accept that there's a black one where's the mexican elf then there's he's coming around the car where's the fucking japanese one we're getting one at some point well where are they now point is we're probably they're probably going to explain it they're going to explain it there's going to be one scene where he goes i'm from the far around a realm of chronoma where we live. I'm from the bad part of elves. No, no, no.

Where are they from? We have a university and we're overachievers and everything else. We have a higher IQ than all the other elves and it makes the white elves very sad. I don't know.

Where's the... It's such fucking... So you're saying it's like... Nobody gave a shit about any of this. So if you're playing Mario and like a black Goomba came out, you'd be like, oh, that's totally normal.

I'd be like, why the fuck is that guy black? If Mario had a white friend, if Mario, if there was a black Mario friend, would you be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, everyone in the mushroom kingdom is white. If there was a black toad. If there was a black toad. I would go, that's a little odd. He's probably from some kind of fucked up place. And they never addressed it because it's

totally different than all the other toads what if they introduced like a bunch of black toads i would think they're from like fucking black toad land from like toad geria or something explanation and they said we're from toad geria you would be okay with it right yes so then fucking wait for the show to explain where the black elf came from instead of going oh my god there can't be black elves there's never been a black elf came from instead of going. Oh my God. There can't be black elves. There's never been a black elf. He doesn't have the right hair.

It's all hair complaints. She doesn't have a beard. The black elf doesn't have long hair. Is this what matters to you fucking people? The hair of fantasy fucking elves and creatures? You're telling me that the black elf adopted the hairstyle of a black human? Maybe he's half black. I don't know. No, he just has-

Can they breed with humans? Maybe those elves just cut their hair off. Why do elves have to have long hair? I don't even think Tolkien said- Because it's cool. What do you mean? I don't even know if that's in the books. I don't even know if they're supposed to have long hair.

What are they, getting a haircut? They're like thousands of years old. They're getting a fucking haircut every month? They got other shit to do. Every once in a while. So how come, if there's black elves, how come there was no black dwarves or elves in the Council of the Ring?

Because they fucked up those movies and the movies are wrong. The show is correct. We'll have a problem with that then. We gotta retcon the movie. We're gonna add some CG black people. How come there's no black goblins? I don't know. They're just all white? We're gonna CG some black people into the Peter Jackson trilogy So it all works together

Alright Or all the black people were just like We don't want to deal with this Sauron shit And they wisely went somewhere else Oh wisely Or they were just off screen Doing their own They were there but we just didn't show them

Maybe it was Elf Kwanzaa Isn't it exciting that we're gonna find all that out Isn't it exciting You know, they were there, but we just didn't show them. Maybe it was, yeah, maybe it was Elf Kwanzaa. Do they have their own culture? Isn't it exciting that we're going to find all that out? No. Isn't it exciting that the world is expanding and it's not just the same shit you've already seen? No, because I have to find that shit out in the real world, and I hate it. So what do you want from a Lord of the Rings show? I don't want it at all.

Well, okay, but the people who want it, I have no idea what they want. I want a three-hour thing that I can put on. Yeah. And that before I'm even done picking it, my girlfriend is fucking gone. Like a shape in the wall. Because she doesn't want to watch nine hours of Lord of the Rings. I just think all these guys who now are going, this is disrespectful to the books and the lore.

Blah, blah, blah. Okay. Nah, you have to be hard. Then you shouldn't watch the fucking... Then they shouldn't be watching. You have to be hard. You have to be hard on these creators because they fuck up your stuff hard then you shouldn't watch the fucking then they shouldn't be watching them you have to be hard you have to be hard on these creators

because they fuck up your stuff then you shouldn't they really do like women came in and fucked up Rick and Morty because they

they didn't respect science fiction these guys are coming in and fucking around with Lord of the Rings the movies didn't respect the books either they got rid of a bunch

of fucking characters they changed a bunch of shit around it feels like they're pandering do you see that it feels like with the ads like hey check out we got a black one now like well it feels like you're pandering like you

guys always do they just decided to make a black elf and he's a major character and we're gonna find out about him and i'm it feels like they're pandering to who black women white women no black people don't like this shit they're not not like, oh, great, another fucking... Here's the thing. If it sucks, it's going to suck because it's TV, not because it's a black elf, okay? It's going to suck because it's a stupid fucking we own the rights, so let's just make another stupid franchise thing. It was not going to be good regardless.

Yeah. So don't pretend that the reason it's going to be bad is because there's a black elf. It was just going to suck anyway. But that's not why it's bad. It's because they don't respect. That's what they're saying. No, even if they had respect, it would still suck. I don't care how much they respect the fucking book.

I would argue they probably do respect the book, and it still would have fucking sucked. Why'd they make the humans black? Things aren't good because of the amount of respect you have for the source. What is a... Wait a minute. What does a black person, a viewer, have in common with a black dwarf? Like, I don't... Do you see what I'm saying? No, no, no.

Hold on. Hold on. If I'm watching, like... If I'm watching as a... We have no shared cultural background. Yeah. Like, what is... This is...

You might as well have made him purple or polka dot. What the fuck do I have in common with a black dwarfwarf what I have in common with fucking Aragorn Who's that the main sword guy you know? Not nothing a white man, and I'm a white man Italian and I can come out I can dress up like him and go to a convention everyone goes. Oh, it's Aragorn. They don't know you oh, it's black Aragorn You know he's a human though He is human so we have that in common. Is it a dwarf?

Like, I have in common with hobbits that they gotta eat all day, every day, 11 Cs. I got in common with dwarves that they gotta drink. I gotta fucking drink, man. And I hate pretty people, because of their advantages that they have over me. I fucking hate a black elf as well. I'm just in the camp where I wait for a story to prove to me that it sucks yeah before going this thing fucking sucks okay you don't know what's gonna happen you might love that fucking black elf he might fucking shoot an arrow right through your heart what about tuvok

nobody flipped out about tuvok he was black vulcan uh yeah he was a black vulcan voyager didn't he uh merge with somebody he mergedager. Didn't he, uh, merge with somebody? Emerge with... Emerge with... Wait, who did he merge with? Was that Tuvok? Tuvok was a black Vulcan from... Yeah, but I thought at one point there was, like, he merged with another character. I don't know about that.

But it makes sense because it's a planet. You probably got black Vulcans on Vulcan. Why? Because of the sun. The black... Blackness comes... See, I feel like this is all... From the fucking sun.

But couldn't you make a universe where like black people just exist it doesn't have to be based on fucking solar cycles it doesn't make any sense why because it doesn't make dragons don't fucking make sense cave trolls don't make sense not magic doesn't make sense and then you're going okay all that we can just accept but for some reason race we need a definitive evolutionary proof yes which exists in humans which exists in humans right but not in dwarves okay well i want a specific evolutionary proof for how dragons exist i'm waiting they're magic they're created magically the black elf is magic then well that's a little if they say he was

created by magic oh that's gonna be gay because the dragon's like a manifestation of evil and like ever like everything that's non-human is like a an avatar for some human emotion that's been carried to an extreme greed and wrath and like passivity and wisdom and all these wants that he it's all human centric that's been extrapolated out into these races and analogs. All I know is I see all these stupid nerds going, not only is there a black dwarf, but she doesn't have a beard. My life is ruined. Well, that would make sense. You guys are fucking nerds. I'm a nerd and you guys are way worse than I have ever been about anything.

And I hate you. My problem is fear of a black elf okay i think you're wrong i'm not i think you should be devastated i'm in the voting this week i think that i will be devastated because the majority of people are afraid of a black elf i saw this black guy tweet saying uh making fun. Some black guy tweeted, and he's like, oh, I can't. I'm so happy that I'm being represented on TV now. I'm going to cry because of this black whatever dwarf. Isn't that great?

And then another black guy, like, sub-quote tweeted him and said, I know what you mean. I remember when I first saw this guy, a black elf, a black elf dwarf, and I cried, Lord Almighty, I'm seen. I'm seen at last. And the picture is the black dwarf from Bad Santa. Yeah, with the fucking 20 years and shit.

Like, yeah, what are you fucking talking about, man? I think representation is nice. Then where's the Mexicans? Where's the Mexican dragon? Is Smaug Mexican? All the dragons are Mexican, I guess, then. Can you imagine, you know, you're a black Lord of the Rings fan and you go, oh, that's great, you know, I could dress up like that guy. I don't have to imagine.

I'm Mexican. There's no Mexicans anywhere. You know, if you're an actor, and you go, I love Lord of the Rings, I would love to be in Lord of the Rings. Ah, you know, it sucks that I'm black, because I'm not allowed to be in Lord of the Rings. And they go, you know, I think we could make room. It's a magical world where we can invent literally any fictional nation,

whatever else, and we don't have the rights to half the shit, so we have to make it up anyway. Why don't we just invent a nation of black elves? Everyone goes, it's not like the book. Well, they don't own the rights to all that shit, so they have to invent it anyway. The whole fucking project is compromised. All right? So just be mad about that. You got a couple creatives sat around and like, yeah, let's have a black one.

It'll be fun. And everybody's taking let's have a black one It'll be fun And everybody's taking It could be like purple It could be fun Why's it gotta be purple? Well, because like There would be some kind of Other type of evolutionary process

That changed That made their skin different Not just is black Like they're like beings of light So couldn't a light be changed somehow? Honestly, let's just get rid of all franchises Let's just burn them all Just like if you if you are spending any amount of time worrying about fucking lord of the rings like the books are it's ancient fucking books just go read them again

okay okay yes hollywood has taken them and they're making a little stupid abortion out of them like every hollywood project okay the problem is not the black guy The problem is everything else about it Here's my problem You ready for this? There it is That's my problem Oh yeah, baby You ever do this to somebody you hate? What, play this song?

Just sit there and start humming it Yeah, no I don't do that to people Yeah Earworms No I don't do that to people Earworms Now we're losing all the money for this episode Oh yeah you're right We're destroyed now

I wonder how copyrighted that is Earworms Earworms You don't ever do that? What fuck some people and try to put music in their head? Yeah sometimes I'll just sit there and go like Da da da da da People you don't ever do that what fuck some people and try to put music in their head yeah sometimes I'll just sit there and go like

da da da da da people fuck sometimes people do it to me yeah my chat used to always type in

da da da da da da Jeremy spoke in class today cause they know it always gets stuck in my head da da da

Jeremy spoke in class today see yeah if someone said it and nothing happened and now I'm like, fuck, now it's in my head. Daddy didn't give attention. Earworms are unwanted catchy tunes that repeat in your head. This is from Harvard, so it's an expert. So there's some sort of science behind this. These relentless tunes play in a loop in up to 98% of people in the Western world. There's 2% of people that's immune. Only 2% of people

are immune to this. I don't even know how you track that. All these stats always seem made up to me. Oh, really? Yeah. Stats are seeming a little made up to you, huh? Stats are fucking bullshit. Shut up. For tunes that are not, you can like scientifically isolate some things by stats are seeming a little made up to you stats are fucking bullshit shut up ones that are not you can like scientifically isolate some things by testing

what do you mean you for two thirds of people they are neutral to positive so two thirds of people experience with songs repeating is neutral to positive songs that repeat are like a fucking nightmare man when you're hung over or on drugs songs repeating is neutral to positive. Songs that repeat are like a fucking nightmare, man.

When you're hungover or on drugs, and you just have the Mario theme or the DuckTales moon song in your head for like 10 hours on acid. Yeah. Kill me. See, they added lyrics to that song. The new DuckTales is such tales is such horseshit it's terrible

oh god thank god we can agree on that what are we doing here and they put a mexican duck in that mexican duck and i hated it i'm okay with it but i you know it's not a good character it's fenton crackshell is supposed to be the best yeah they made him mexican which is odd i thought there was like a girl philip all right there's mom is full mexican he's half so that's my representation young latina duck oh goselin darkwing duck's adopted daughter somebody tweeted at one point they're like finally latina representation look at this proud Proud Latina About to stomp all over everyone

It's a duck Why you gotta make her fucking sound like that Just Oh Mr. Scrooge They had a Mexican Character It was the fucking parrot The three caballeros

The black elf is not gonna show up and go Hey what we doing here? He's just going to... Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. Where that ring at? Let me get that ring. All right, all right. You got it.

You got it. All right. Let me get some of that grog there, buddy. Yeah, he's just going to be a black actor participating in a role. Is he going to cover his mouth when he laughs? I don't fucking know. But the remaining third find it disturbing or annoying

when these songs wriggle their way into their brain cells. Kind of depends on the song. Uh, what's a, there's no good earworms. I'll get a song stuck in my head. They're worse for us now because of video games. Because video games have repetitive music for the stages

and stuff. So we, our generation, has to deal with earworms more than any other. Do you know what I'm saying? I kind of get what you say, but sometimes I like that music. Maybe you're one of these 2%. All that Mega Man music is great. Look, this is what it can... Sometimes they occur with obsessive compulsive disorder, psychotic syndromes,

migraine headaches, unusual forms of epilepsy, or a condition known as palynarchosis. Oh, no. When you continue to hear a song after it has disappeared. Wow.

You can have all those things. Oh, my God. I hope I don't get that. Earworms. A physician can help you determine if your earworm is serious or not. Oh! I should go talk to a physician. Somebody type this out.

A physician could help you if it's serious. I keep hearing the Goof Troop theme and I might be going insane. See, you put that in my head. Sorry. Every time I masturbate, I... insane. See, you put that in my head. Sorry. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do imperfect thing you know it makes you feel weak yeah it makes you feel weak mentally weak yeah what was your problem steven hawking probably didn't have to deal with this because he was so probably did locked in there he's got nothing on his head all the time what was my problem yeah which previous what were your problems today black elves okay you're of a black elf and

local businesses earworms are way worse Oh really Cause you can avoid A local business But you cannot avoid An earworm I'm gonna stop feeding you My problems for this

That's the point of the show Oh well It's better than Earworms You know Do not Try to take your money away And

Do not involve Millions of internet nerds Annoying the shit out of me with their beard it would be better if she had a beard no it's the same it doesn't matter no it would be more is it better or worse that the eye of sauron is an actual flaming eyeball yeah but you don't know that's kind of cool eyeball because it's in like wizard space when you're looking at it they can see it could be a manifestation in your... Okay, so you have a fucking your own... It's really

in a metaphysical realm, but they manifest in their thoughts. A determined effort to block the song out may result in the very opposite of what you want, this shithead said. Called ironic process and studied extensively by psychologist Daniel

Wegner, resisting the song may make your brain keep playing it over and over again how about the teacup ride is that from disney disneyland yeah i don't remember that. I remember it's a small world. Some people try to distance themselves. I don't want to read that. Others seek out the tune in question because it's commonly believed that earworms occur when you remember only part of the song. And that hearing the entire song may extinguish it. See, I'm retarded, though, because if I hear a song I like, I just play it on loop for several hours.

I do that, too. Yeah? I don't think that works, though. No, I enjoy listening to it over and over. Oh, you do? Yeah, so maybe I even enjoy having it in my head. Ruins hangovers wouldn't be nearly as bad if they didn't have earworms. I assume you did not watch the Hawkeye television show.

No, I don't watch that shit. Yeah, I didn't actually watch it either. I just watched one scene where they do a fake Avengers musical. What if the Hulk was black in one movie? You'd be like, whatever, that's great. He was black in the musical. What musical? They have in-universe, there's a fake Avengers musical. But is he painted green?

It's a black guy painted green, yes. What if they just made him black? Yeah. All right. Would that be odd for you? Do you want me? Why don't we? Okay.

So let's say we took the black elf and we painted him white. Is that better? I'll accept that compromise. Yeah. Okay. Then black people can participate in Lord of the Rings and not offend everybody else. Fine. Let's just paint them white.

Well, I mean, there can't be any roles locked out to anybody. I can't be an elf because I'm fat. Like, that's my... Okay, but if you sit down... Like, it's a wildly popular IP. I mean, like, right now, Star Wars, the Empire used to be all white, and they were like, let's have some black guys in there. Or even the Rebels were all white.

They're clones. No, that's before. The Stormtroopers. The clones die out. Oh, and then they just draft people? Yeah, and then they just draft. That's where Finn came from. I mean, it's a terrible fucking.

That was dumb, too. Okay, but is that dumb because he's black? Why is it dumb? It's dumb because it's not dumb too Okay but is that dumb Because he's black Why is it Why is it dumb It's dumb because It's not a clone The clones are old They all look like

Fucking old Boba Fett now They're like 80 That whole thing Got all messed up The cloning thing was stupid Because a clone war Should have been You get

They clone a doppelganger Of someone on the other side Yeah and scoot it in Not just they make A bunch of There's no advantage To just making a bunch of clones. No, it's retarded. Anyway.

Especially because George Lucas was like, not only are they a bunch of clones, it's like a thousand Boba Fetts. And you're like, okay, does that make it cooler? He's like, well, you guys like Boba Fett. Yeah, but Boba Fett can't work as like a thousand Boba Fetts. He's as good as Boba Fett. No, there's 10,000 of them.

Earworms. A physician can prescribe Antidepressants For you if your earworm's Too bad I'm gonna go to the doctor And go I just can't stop

I need Fuck what's that from? I was trying to figure that out myself What's the Final Fantasy The battle one. That's a good one. That's a show, everybody. That's a good show.

You all have something stuck in your head by now, I hope. So, earworms. Earworms. Earworms and pedophiles is my problem. Earworms and pedophiles. That's a good name for an album. Pedophiles. Mine is local businesses and fear of a black elf.

Fear of a black elf. Okay. Someone play the Final Fantasy VII Battle Royale game with me. I'm really addicted to it oh is that a game yeah but it's only on phones for some reason oh well because that's where the addiction market is yeah pretty much uh all right here we go biggest problem oh fuck you in theito, that shit is so cool. You know what?

Fuck all the people that hate that. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Don't record it. Keep doing it live each time. There you go. Oh, I thought he was going to rip on me. Stop it.

Record it, you fucking idiot. Oh. No. I think he changed at the end. Yeah, he got me off guard. Okay. We should have a vote. Hey, Vito.

I have a rage, I guess, relating to the problem of Jannies, which I think was like two weeks ago now. Yeah. But I play TF2. That's Team Fortress 2, not Titanfall 2, because you have to specify that now. Anyway... You could have just said the name.

And so, like, all the official battle servers are like swarms of bots and you get instantly killed and so one of the only ways to enjoy the game anymore is to go on these like private company servers like there's a couple different ones of them but the problem is

a couple of them have like auto silencing like words like you can't type in certain words in chat or you'll just get instantly silenced. And, uh,

like what kind of words? I think very like world war two words, but it contains the friendly version of the N word, you know, like, Hey, what's up? My,

my brother, my, you can't say that or you can, and I get the white people aren't supposed to use it, but the computer doesn't know if I'm white. All right. I could be a black man trying to express gratitude towards one of my African-American brothers. And I get fucking silenced for hate speech.

Biggest problem is my username cannot be the N-word. Silenced for hate speech. Oh. It's, you know, it's literally N-word. Shut the hell up. I need a cinnamon roll because it's from this video of this dude talking about being cinnamon rolled. I don't know. It's's whatever it's fucking stupid the problem is the point is it's it's like robo jenny like that wasn't even a manual oh robo jenny's good problem well i was gonna say uh

two strict word filters are actually a good problem robo jenny's because i was trying to play that final fantasy game and i I bred a white chocobo And I'm like oh I'll name him Whitey And then they're like no You can't name him Whitey You can't call him Whitey that's not even like offensive He's a white There's a guy Whitey Bulger

It was not a racial thing My uncle's name's Whitey Yeah there's a lot of It's like a nickname Or like you He says the N word all the time Don't you get like in trouble on YouTube Cause the name of your show is The Dick Show

It like fucks up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got banned from Twitch. I was like partner. But before that I had tons of followers and then they just banned me because I had dick in my name. It's an inappropriate username.

Dude, that's bullshit. That sucks. That sucks. Okay. Hey, Vito. Hey, Dick. I got a problem for you, and that problem is homeschooling. This was brought in at another show that one of you might have been on,

but I just got a personal experience with this. I was homeschooled. I'm 18, now adulting. Now, there's some pretty fucked up shit that went on. I had a couple friends that had classes such as Minecraft and playing with Legos.

Not even that. It was just one family. Had about nine or ten kids. They would have nap time during school for about two hours. They would put their kids in their bedrooms. These bedrooms had locks on the outside. Well, you want them to get out of there. They would have to nap.

Some of these kids were 13. The youngest, I think, was about three. The entire time this was happening when I was at their house, I was thinking, what if there was a fire? They would just end up dying. It made no sense. Oh, like there's going to be a fire. Prayer time every day for hours no sense. Oh, like there's going to be a fire. Many of them had prayer time every day for like hours upon end.

Sure, buddy. It was just a really fucked up situation. I mean, it is bad to lock your kids into a room. And dick. Yeah. Go for it yourself. Sounds like religion is probably the problem. I guess all homeschools are religious, though.

I met some weird, crunchy, hippie kids who were like homeschooled. I don't think it was a religion thing. It was more, I want my kid to touch trees, which I guess is a type of religion. I wish everybody was homeschooled i don't think it was a religion thing it was more i want my kid to touch trees which i guess is a type of religion i wish everybody was homeschooled it'd be so much more i mean at this point i would not put my did you see the thing about the transition closets yeah what's wrong with that that you go to school and uh they got a closet there so you can change into the clothes of your chosen gender without your parents knowing. If I could go back in time now, like be reverse age. If I was in high school right now, I would be fucking around so hard all the time.

I would not wear the mask. I would say, well, no, I'm not wearing it. Suspend me. I don't care. But then they're going to be like, well, we got this cross-dressing closet. Fuck. Now I got to wear the mask so I can come every day. Hello, students. I'd go go this is my all-gender

bathroom i would go into the girl's locker room and go i'm a woman every woman lives inside of me i would go let's dance and let's sing i actually identify as being upside down so So you're going to need to address my mouth, which is where you think is my butthole. And my pronouns are And you have to use them. Or you go to jail. Or you're going to jail, dude. If I was a high school kid, I would bring my

You have a camera in your pocket. I know they don't want you to use it, but We should have hilarious videos coming out of high schools every day. If I was a high school kid, I would bring my... You have a camera in your pocket. I know they don't want you to use it, but... The slime kids are doing it. We should have hilarious videos coming out of high schools every day. I am really upset with today's high school community. Kids need more cocaine. These kids need to go wild. Every day, so they can go cause mayhem on the 25-year-old women

that have been given the impossible task of brainwashing them. And freaked. I guess they're just buying into it, though. They're like, no, it's cool that there's a closet where I can be a cross-dresser for no reason. Well, for comedy reasons. Yeah, exactly. I wish my high school had a fucking cross-dressing closet. What the fuck?

Okay. Okay. One of my favorite things is listening to two idiots are due over the value of political candidates or political parties. What idiots? You know, we're going to find out. You and your wife? Because one of the things I used to hear when Trump was president was, do you think Hillary would have been better? And the answer is no.

No, she wouldn't. We've been trending the same general direction. Have you ever looked at Biden's sociopolitical scale chart there? It comes in right under Trump. Have you ever looked at the chart? No, the sociopolitical chart. All you need to do is get your fucking passport ready and leave the country if you're a democrat

or just go ahead and support the autocratic takeover of the united states i mean one's probably going to benefit you financially and you know grab women by the pussies a little more

and if you're on the other team you better get the fuck out of here. What team? I think he's saying the Democrats need to leave because America's going to be wild and crazy. Yeah, you're not making any progress. Grabbing pussies and whatever else. You know, my favorite thing is one idiot arguing with himself about politics. That's way funnier than two idiots.

This guy sounded like he had all sorts of tips, and then he didn't give us any. Well, you have to get your passport. He's like, well, here's what you have to do. You got to get your passport. I'm like, what? I'm not following this. And then go anywhere. When the autocrats take over, there's a way to make money.

I haven't figured that out yet. That whole stock market is fucked right now. You got to buy the dip, dude. I've been trying. It's impossible. Nah, he's got to keep buying. Honestly, vote You gotta buy the dip, dude. I've been trying. It's impossible. Nah, he's gotta keep buying. Honestly, vote up buy the dip because every time I'm like, oh, it's not gonna go any lower from here

and then I'm like, oh my god. Thanks to all our Patreon supporters. You think it's gonna melt up? I'm gonna have zero dollars in a couple of months. You think it's gonna melt up? After this? Melt up? Was that a term? Melt up. Shoot. Oh, as Was that a term? Melt up. Oh, as opposed to a meltdown?

Yeah, as opposed. Well, it's going to do that eventually. I think it's got a ways to drop. I mean, a lot of stocks are still up way high. What do you mean? Are you still in all that crypto shit? Yeah. I don't trust any of that either. That's all I care about is crypto.

I don't care about women or black dwarves or anything. The only thing I care about is crypto. I don't care about women or black dwarves or anything. The only thing I care about is crypto. All right. Maybe I'll buy back into Chainlink. Back in? You sold it? Yeah, because all this fucking... No, I sold it.

It's the most recent dip. I sold it again before it... Why are you selling it? Because fucking this Ukraine shit is crazy. What, are you selling it to like eat? I'm saying no, but I think it's going to go back down to 10 and 11. I'll buy it there. Chainlink? Oh man.

I'll just buy it back anyway. You're a risker over there. I am a risker. You have any Bitcoin? I did. I sold everything. You sold your Bitcoin? Stop dropping that thing. Sorry. You sold it? I sold everything like a week ago and I'm glad I did. You going everything. You sold your Bitcoin? Stop dropping that thing. Sorry. You sold it? I sold everything like a week ago, and I'm glad I did. You going to buy back in?

Yeah, I'm going to buy back in, but I'm waiting for all this shit to blow over. I probably saved myself like $20,000 by not being in this shit. You can pay tax on that, though. Only if I was up. You were down? Yes. How do you sell Bitcoin and be down? Why would you sell it?

Because it's going lower i think oh i can't time the market because i'm an idiot nobody can time the market time the market look i'm just bad at this just put up auto buy auto buy leave it alone okay i saw this ukraine thing coming and i said i'm gone and i'm glad i am because all the stocks i was in are down like 25 fucking percent. I had Roku. I had Palantir. I had fucking Nvidia even went down.

And Facebook, I got hit. I had some Facebook. Oh, you earned Facebook? I got hit on that. Keeps dropping. Because you're a pedophile. Vote up pedophiles.

No, we dropped before the pedophile thing. Nope. Whatever. We got some super chats, right? Are we doing any other? Let's do super chats. Go to biggestproblemdon's show to vote on the problems and patreon.com

slash biggestproblem to get the bonus episode. It's very fun. Bonus episode from Pink Sock. Let me refresh here. Oh yeah, refresh that page for me. I'm terrible at the stock market. Look, I just need it. I just want it to be like a little bit. You can't time it. I know you can't time it.

But I timed this one perfectly. Because I saw the fucking writing on the wall. Yeah, you're right. It might come right back up. Then you got to get back in. I'm going to get back in. You got to time it twice. That's why it's so hard.

Okay, after. Look, they're going to invade Ukraine like tonight. The US? Yeah. No, the fucking Russians. How did the Russians invade Ukraine? Because they're gonna invade ukraine like tonight the u.s yeah yeah no the fucking russians how did the russians invade ukraine because they're psychopaths oh i don't want to hear this i'll bring it in next week when they're fucking shelling those people into the ground oh pink sock for five says my card shop ran sorry i'm making it yeah make it bigger now i appreciate

that my card shop ran the largest local facebook group for magic and they banned people from discussing trades during covid discussing trading why because they didn't want you to go to his house to trade cards yeah i hate i hate i hate mike hunt for five australian dollars 16 years old 14 years old these are the ages of Bulma and Asuka, the figurines. Asuka. The figurines sitting on Vito's shelf. No one brings this up when debating him. Oh, the cartoons are 16 and 14?

How old's Sailor Moon? Sailor Moon's like 15. I don't know. How old's Tifa? Oh, please, God, tell me she's 18. The Barenaked Ladies said, I like the boom Sailor moon anime babes That make me think the wrong thing

Yeah That was a wink to all the pedophiles in their audience Stop banging that fucking thing Just put it away I'm sorry I fidget I got an earworm that makes me do it So the cartoons are Underage

Yeah all that fucking Japanese anime shit is I don't beat off to my Boma figurines If there's a 16 year old out there are underage. Yeah, all that fucking Japanese anime shit is. I don't beat off to my Boma figurines. If there's a 16-year-old out there who can pilot a mech and fight aliens, she's ready to fuck. Yeah, I don't know. Also, it's in the aftermath of an apocalypse. We have to repopulate.

Alright? That's the question for all these Supreme Court justices. What should the age of consent be during the apocalypse? All bets are off. And if they hesitated, see, then rejected. They have to say 18. The immediate answer needs to be 18,

or else fucking dis-fucking qualified. All bets are off. It's for the good of the people. Fed sold plus gave us ARS 200. i wish they would just tell us how much american dollars that is yeah i'm gonna assume it's uh two dollars thank you mike hunt for two the first elves were awakened by a rule latavia nerd thanks mike mike for five says veto looks like a dwarf lady not just the beard but the complaining. Mike Hunt says, solution to Woke of the Rings. Stop complaining

about it. Don't address it. Don't laugh at that because the show will 100% be garbage. The Woke is a distraction. You don't know that it's bad. You really don't. Mike says, go full Woke. I want L-O-T-R, full Blackhawk. Down. Rare steak cubes for five.

People get so mad over fantasy make-believe crap, go outside and touch grass. Big ups to Liquid Richard. Yes. Justin for five. Vito just wants his five-minute long video game with no additional content featuring a black elf brought by Raid Shadow Legends.

Is that true? It could be longer than five minutes. I got a new sponsor. Who's that magic spoon you seen magic spoon is that like one of those sending you meals to your house uh yeah but it's breakfast cereal oh god and it's healthy breakfast cereal you and none of those meals would be enough for you they're not enough enough for me. I could eat three of them. They're a fucking travesty, those meals. I tried a factor, just like keto. Oh, yeah? It's all right, but yeah, they are tiny,

and half of them suck. Evangelion, but Asuka's black. Says Mike Hunt, what do you think? You could make, well... No, because that's... Okay, that's... You have to think about that? No, it's different if it's an established character.

If they said, we're going to take Frodo and make frodo black why is that different because we know frodo's not blank what does that matter this is a new character it can be you can invent new cares if frodo's black no it what does that have to do with his character well if you're doing a complete i'm saying you are no no no no hold on hold on okay you're making a new lord of the i'm saying if it's set in the peter jackson lord of the rings no he shouldn't be black because we've met this universe's frodo and he was a white guy switch him to a new character if you made a new lord of the rings and you said all the hobbits are black i'd go yeah go nuts and frodo frodo's black i don't know if you ever said in the book that Frodo is white.

I don't think so. Yeah, but he had illustrations that show him as a white guy. They're black and white, though. What's he supposed to do? I don't know. Scribble it all like a ghost? I would say, again, if you invent a new character, it's different from taking a character and making them black. What if they made Blade white?

Would you be okay with that? The question you should be asking is, what if Evangelion had a black pilot? I would go, that's perfectly reasonable. If they added a's perfectly reasonable if they added there's black people like purse yeah whatever mike says the show is not woke enough i want to replace the cast of the biggest problem with drexel and denzel and just never mention it mike again obi-wan was a clone that's why he doesn't seem to remember ever owning a droid oh that, that makes sense. I guess they could say that. Mike says iDubbbz has released his side of the Sam Hyde interview. Have you watched any of that?

Yeah, the Sam Hyde one was hilarious. I got to finish watching it. iDubbbz is such a little fucking nerd. He's kind of a little bitch. He's like, when he did that whole thing about irony and meta-irony, I was like, dude, can you like meta ironically kill yourself? Like you're not,

what are you doing? Sam Hyde is so, he got old so fast, old and unfunny so fast. Yeah, he's like weird. Going in there asking Sam Hyde, like, can you just confide in me? Like, what's like your secret? It's such a presumptuous question

sam's bit was hilarious obviously but the way he conducted that interview like he's gonna dissect his comedy you're not even as funny like as sam what are you gonna dissect you don't even get it yeah you don't sit down with a comedian and go well let's really dissect what comedy is about it's like like, that's how you kill comedy. The way they communicate is comedy. Yeah. Not explaining comedy. You and him should be riffing right now.

Not, well, let's really get to the heart of this. You know what Dr. Phil said to me? I was in the house. He said, they didn't air this part. He goes, I don't even think you know which part of what you're saying is real. I said, yeah, I don't. And that's the way to do it. Because that's what makes it funny.

I said, you know, Dick, I don't even think that you know what of what you're saying you mean or not. He said, yeah, no shit. Fucking joke. God, I wish they had done that house thing for multiple seasons. That was a good thing to add there.

Rare state cubes for five. Biggest problem is Tim Poole watching his R.A. The Rugged Man. Oh, watch his R.A. The Rugged Man interview. So much cringe. What a smooth brain. Tim Poole is a fucking idiot. Tim Poole and Michael Malice

and who's the other one? Who's the big conservative? Oh, Jordan Peterson. Yeah. They're just so they're so fucking worthless there. I mean, they're they're like dr. K preying on men with no dads, right? But they don't have any licensing so I give you shit I get mad when you say that too and I'm like But that's what is there the ones getting because they're the victim right people get pissed when they're the victim of shit

You know, you're the Jordan Peterson is your surrogate father I don't know how you haven't realized this but what they do is they they get everybody whipped up saying they're the victim of shit and you're like, you're the victim. Like, Jordan Peterson is your surrogate father. I don't know how you haven't realized this. But what they do is they get everybody whipped up saying they're doing politics and telling them that they're doing a good job and then they just direct them

to giving them money. Yeah. Did you see that tweet? Somebody tweeted something like that where it was like, they don't tell you to go out and vote or like change anything. It's like,

buy my book. Oh yeah, I tweeted that. Was that you tweeted that? Yeah. I was like, yeah, that's a good point. That point that it's just like man the system's totally fucking broken and the only way we're gonna fix it is if you buy my book it's like they all say like peterson's like well kavanaugh should resign well the truckers should should go home like every time there's any positive momentum you just come in and try to kill it first so you get credit for what happens i really i really hate those guys uh and i'm i'm disgusted and i have contempt for their followers you know you should do is write

a self-help book about how to avoid those guys types of guys kill yourself that's my self-help if you wrote a book that just said like the ultimate guide to life and you just open it just like tell yourself so it has a novelty toothless ninja says of course veto would go into a little girl's bathroom hey i was a little girl at the time i am a woman oh yeah you did say you would do that yeah as a child no but you you would have your brain of now if i traveled back in time and i was in high school, I would have my adult whatever. Yeah, that's the... Ridiculous hypothetical.

But in your hypothetical, the first place you went is the little girl's room. Bathroom at a school. Well, if I go into the little boy's room, there's no bit. I've already been in there. The bit is that it's a cross-dressing bonanza in these high schools now. I came up with a bit that had nothing to do with going into bathrooms of children. You were still changing clothes in front of children. No, in a closet.

In a closet, yeah. That had nothing to do with kids. And I came out and I joked on adults for the amusement of the kids. You went immediately into predatory. My problem is baseless pedophilia accusations. Mike for two says idubbbz focused saving sam's girlfriend was od that was the best what happened did i miss that part yeah yeah idubbbz was like uh in idubbbz version his big takeaway was like well i'm really disturbed at

the way sam and his girlfriend are like i really want to get to the bottom of that, and I think she needs saving. He wanted to save Sam's girlfriend, the actress who's acting like a fucking crack whore. Like, his number one priority became from dissecting Sam Hyde's comedy, which is awesome, and, like, iconic,

to saving some crack whore, who's a woman pretending to be a crack whore. Right. It was, It was just so weak. And he was like, I gotta get her off drugs or what?

I don't know. Yeah, I guess. Did Sam make it look like he was like feeding her drugs? She did. Yeah. She was playing a hilarious cracked out character

and he's like, I gotta do, like it makes me really uncomfortable. I gotta save her. I was like, oh my. Has this guy never been

to like any other part of the country? iTubs? Yeah. He's only been to Simptown. Right. Cause I'm like any other part Of the country I tubs Yeah He's only been to simptown Right Cause I'm like I lived in the woods Yeah you hung out with guys

On meth and crack And their girlfriends Were as well And you're like Just that he couldn't Block it out And that's what he wanted to show Yeah

I gotta save Sam Heisger Like you're gonna fuck up The first thing you do When this guy gives you Exclusive access Fuck up his relationship With his beautiful crack whore girlfriend. Fucking mod on.

Yeah, I don't know. A lot of these legacy internet guys where everybody goes, oh, man, I'm such a big fan. I have been for years. And then I go and I look at their content. I'm like, so they were the first thing you saw on the internet that was funny, and then you just never stopped to watch anything else that came along that was much better.

Yeah. There's a lot of these guys who have been doing it forever and I won't name names. Who? Where I won't name names. Why? Who?

Because a guy we know works for one of them. Yeah, but I won't bring it up. Oh. And I go, I try to watch the content and I go,

yeah, I think he was just the first guy making these kind of videos. Oh, I see. Okay. It's not necessarily, it's fine.

It's not bad. It was fine. It's not bad. It was probably funnier back in 2010. All right. Goodbye, everyone. Bye. Biggestproblem.show. Bonus episodes. Biggestproblem. Patreon.com. Bye.