The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 39

Episode Date: May 9, 2022

Cash Register Solicitations, Lack of Bodily Integrity, Overpriced Breakfasts, Not Enough Seanies

I think it looks like it sounds good. It looks like it sounds good, is always... It doesn't sound good, but it looks like it sounds good. You know, I at least want... Okay, I at least want a sound for this show when we switch, like the news. Dun-dun-dun-dun! Yeah. Because ours is just always kind of like, I think it sounds...

I hope it's working. So you want like a little sting when we come into the show? Look, I'm not a big industry professional like you, so i don't know what all the lingo is you know sting a little musical the music guy you're a music guy you know the word sting you think we is that what you think we talk about musical things you never craft a sting i craft a sobretto. Yeah. Operata. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. A nocturne. I'll knock one of those out for you. No, I know you're a pianosman.

Was that always your instrument of choice? Pianosman. Penis. You're a penis. No, penis. The T is silent. Oh, okay. And was that always your instrument of choice, Dick?

Yeah. Yeah? I used to beg my mom to force me to take lessons so I could complain about it when I grew up. Is that what happened? Yeah, I said, Mom, please, can you please make me take piano lessons so I can sound like one of these basic guitarists? Did you ever learn to enjoy the piano lessons? I've only loved it. So you genuinely liked the piano lessons?

Yeah, I started playing, I mean, they were fine, but then when I started playing with Sean after college, because we lived together, he played guitar, and I knew some piano stuff when I was a kid. I just played with him. Yeah, and you picked it back up. I played it. It was just this beautiful collision of friendship and boredom and enabling alcoholism. That's beautiful. Like, you could drink, if you're playing music, your mom, your girlfriend, whatever, will let you drink as much as you want.

Guitar? No. Right. Piano? You don't want to play a sloppy guitarist, but a sloppy pianosman. Actually, maybe. Sometimes. I don't know. You tell me. I think you need dexterity to keep hitting those strings. Keys, you can get all sloppy and crazy, right?

What are you, what are you, are you I don't know anything about nothing I don't know any music anything Alright are we ready to go I guess so I forgot what your problems were Is that oh what for this week No for last week I forgot what everything is Well you know

The energy is high at three The preparation is lower Me and Dick have very good energy right now And we're all scatterbrained The energy is high at three. Yeah. The preparation is lower. Me and Dick have very good energy right now. And we're all scatterbrained. We have no idea what we're doing. It's going to be great. Nobody else does.

No one does. Nobody else does. And they're young. And they want to fix it. That's the moral of the story. There you go. Oh, yeah. Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from beta males To insult fails I'm your host, Sick Masters

And joining me as always Vito Gisualdi And here's where it would fade out Here's where the music would fade out At 142 But I fucked it up again If you use your imagination And then it was gone

There we go We still have not fixed the show's intro theme because we're a mess. You know what I did fix, though? What? You remember how I nailed you with two extra I suck cocks? Yes, you did. So I've gone ahead and built a protocol in just sense. The human element failed.

So now I've reversed. See if you can tell what this is. Cock. Stop. Oh, that's one. That's you can tell what this is. Cock. Cock. Cock. Oh, that's one. Yeah.

That's back in the bank. Okay. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. And that's two. I'm going to have to memorize that.

No more take backs. Yeah. So now if I hit you with one of these. I suck. Cock. Simple procedure. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock.

Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. Cock. cock..ck. I'm trying to sneak some in there and there was some bullshit. I had to keep track and waste the music. I had to, you hit me with two. We got two fake ones. People were trying to sneak some in there, and there was some bullshit. You're going to have to keep track and waste your mind grapes on counting up and those sorts of things. Someone in the audience should be keeping track of how many genuine fails I've had over the course of the show. I'd like to know.

What do you mean, genuine fails? Genuine fails of speech, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. How many times I've let loose with the toxic phrase. We've got to find another phrase to really fuck with you. We need multiple phrases with multiple penalties. I need one for you, but I'll have to figure it out. Nah.

I police myself too heavily. As soon as I start repeating something too much, I can... But already the audience, I see there was a debate on Reddit. They're like, I feel like Vito has been saying to be clear instead of to be. Yeah, you have. No, I don't think I am. Am I? I've replaced it with that.

Well, all Democrats started doing that because Biden is doing it. And I think it's like tough. Does Biden say to be clear? Like every tweet. Go say it. Like everything he says is, let's be clear. Let's be clear here. Let's be clear.

Just say what you're going to say, man. No, no, no. He wants to clarify. He's a man of clarity, let's be clear. Let's be clear here. Let's be clear. Like, just say what you're going to say, man. Folks, no, no, no. He wants to clarify. He's a man of clarity. Let's be clear. He's not trying to obfuscate the situation. Uh, okay. Oh, bonus episode.

Yes. The biggest problems in Star Wars is now available at patreon.com slash biggest problem. But Dick is smiling. Dick liked a little teaser I put together for the episode where Dick describes the Asian characters of the Star Wars universe. You took me out of context. Did I take you out of context? What are you...

When you saw Lando's little buddy with the flowers, you said, look at that little Chinese guy. I didn't say it like that. But it was taken out of context. I didn't say it like that. But it was taken out of context. I didn't mean anything by it. Yeah. It is funny that I'm like, I don't know if all our bonus clips should be us being racist, but they are hilarious for some reason.

Us. I mean, I just look, I look through the video. I'm like, what is the part where we laugh the hardest? And that was one of them. It's going to be racist. Every time it's going to be racist stuff, because we're not allowed to say it. We're not allowed to say it. I was thinking about it genuinely.

Genuinely racist humor is so much funnier than any other kind of humor, because it's still taboo now, if not more taboo. As Chappelle's show, they're saying the N-word so much that I was like, at the end of the show, I was laughing. I was like, Roger Rabbit with the weasels dying. I'm grabbing my... I was dying to start saying the N- show, I was laughing. I was like, Roger Rabbit with the weasels dying. I'm grabbing my, like, no, no, no, no. I was dying to start saying the N-word so much.

I'm like, get back. Get back in here. Get back in here. Yeah, you went to see Chappelle. And then tonight you're seeing, what's his name? Robinson. Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson.

You know, it's crazy. No, never mind. Okay. Biggest problem. There's a lot of great comedy out there. But yeah, check out the bonus problem. Biggest problem in the Star Wars. And again, biggest, patreon.com slash biggest problem.

Yeah. Even if you are already a patron, I recommend watching the highlights. Be a patron twice. Yeah. Oh, well, we also have our new Patreon tiers. Some people have signed up to join the Veto File Plus and Dickhead Plus Club. It's fun. There's been a little war in the Discord.

Oh, really? Yeah, some regular members are like, fuck these Plus Lords lording over us. Yeah, fuck them. No, I only respect the Plus kids now. Do they have the same color? In Discord? No, no, no.

It's still red and blue. So all Dickheads are red and all Veto Files are blue. But the Plus guys get a little bit better of a red? Yeah, they get a slightly different red, a slightly different blue, so they stand out. And this also reminds me that I forgot to make the graphic for the show that rewards these people. Oh, remember I told you? Do you remember I told you? But I would have done it.

I 100% was ready to do it. And then you moved the show and it fucked up everything for me. Your busy schedule, you had to do it today for all those people that pledged. I fucking told you. Don't do things that you can't follow through on. I can do it. I'm going to do it and at the end of every show the plus heads will

be recognized. Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. The Emperor's New Burn. Oh, that was a good one. That was a good one. It's so annoying. That is something that has bothered me. Especially with the internet culture and everything.

Just, oh my god, can you believe how savage that is? It's like, no it didn't. It wasn't savage. It's so lame. If they hate you, it's even more funnier and they got more people yeah the ratio it's it's embodied by ratio culture ratio like i don't i don't want i don't care whatever i always point out yeah exactly okay all the ratio establishes is that a lot of so is john money having great you you're your hero that's like saying the transformers

movies are the best movies of all time because they made so much money. It's like there's a lot of dumb people in the world. All of them. Yeah. All of them. The tyranny of the masses does not prove that your burn was successful or good. Then the socio-sexual hierarchy.

I bet you lost points because you named it like that. I should have called it beta male bullshit. Yeah. BMB. Getting rid of grease then. Yeah. And then fake 2D animation. I was surprised that that was so low.

Yeah. I guess people always say, you know, has too many nerd problems. But I think this problem affects us all, folks. I was going to say, I think that everybody grew up. Yeah. And they have like kids and a mortgage and stuff. And they don't have to worry about shipping down. They don't care about children's cartoons.

But they do care about what to do with their grease and how hard that is. Oh, clearly. It's very much an adult problem. Or it burns on the internet. Who's getting burned on the internet is an important adult problem. Because you can imagine how much pleasure unfunny people are getting out of it. Cheese says, Vito might be the first person on earth to see those Sigma male grind set memes featuring Patrick Bateman and Walter White and take them seriously. I think some people keep making this argument to me.

I think they're gaslighting me. Where they're like, nobody really believes this alpha male beta bullshit. I know guys who absolutely subscribe to this 100%. And they go, that's beta behavior. You're acting like a beta. Yeah. This is actually absolutely going on. Why is it funny if

a lot of people don't do it? It's only funny because the people taking it seriously exist. It's ridiculous. It's like saying a knock-knock joke with just a punchline. Weren't you glad I didn't say banana? Why is it funny? Well, because you forgot the foundation of the fucking joke. It's definitely out there.

Marco says, just keep your pickle jar of spaghetti sauce after using. Use those to dump oil and grease. Oh, yeah. Just keep all your spaghetti jars around for the rare grease occasion. Fucking what? Just be a horrific hoarder. Fucking Italian. Abuca de Beppo is over here that I'm running.

Keep your spaghetti jars and your pickle sauce jars? That is literally something somebody would say on an episode of Hoarders. Like, can we get rid of these, you know, 500 spaghetti sauce jars? What if I have grease I need to dispose of? You can't throw those out! Ah! This is hoarding behavior.

How many pickles are you eating? Yeah, save your pickle jars. 20 pickle jars? I have more grease than I have pickle jars in my life. I haven't had a pickle jar in a fucking... I can't remember the last time I bought pickles. Jesus. Because it gets below where you can grab them with your hands,

and then that jar is basically in there for eternity. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm not going to get a fork to get it out. Roe Ratinator. I had a real problem with grease too until I realized I can just put it in literally anything and throw it in the trash. Although, while I was renting,

I just dumped it down the sink because fuck Janny's. It ain't my fucking problem. Fuck sink Janny's. Benjamin Cohen says, this was the worst four problems I've ever seen. Oh, fuck you.

On both versions of the show. Every episode has terrible problems. Fuck you. May all of the problems be downvoted into oblivion Complain funnier next week. Oh I hate that he overdid it the last every one of those Stop yeah, the pithy thing only works if that's the only thing it is every episode We do is great and what you don't understand is even the stupidest of problems can have hilarious banter. And furthermore, you don't end it with the slogan.

You just drop the slogan at the beginning and walk away. You don't explain yourself, you know. It doesn't, the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence is not like a bunch of words and then signed we the people gigantically. It's right at the top. You don't have to read the rest. This man is ungrateful and it makes me upset.

Let's see what else. Benjamin Swearingen says, one thing I really liked about Star Wars is its contributions to the video game industry in the 90s and 2000s

through LucasArts. I loved all the Star Wars video games that were coming out back then. Yeah, TIE Fighter? X-Men vs. TIE Fighter,

Dark Forces, the first person one. X-Men vs. TIE Fighter. Dark Forces, the first person one. X-Men vs. TIE Fighter? X-Wing, sorry. Oh, that's a game. I always fucked that up. I always fucked that up. Even, did you ever play Rebel? Was it Rebel Forces?

Yeah, Dark Forces. Well, Dark Forces was the first person shooter, right? Yeah. I always wanted to play Yoda stories that had like a top-down Yoda RPG. All those games look great Super Star Wars on the Super Nintendo it's over though

well yeah Disney came through and basically Lucasfilm Games which was like a whole division they were just like nope cut off all the games they had in production they had like a full Boba Fett game they were working on that was like halfway done they were like nope

and then just gave it all to Electronic Arts. And Electronic Arts completely fucked it up. And they just made Star Wars Battlefront with all sorts of DLC. They're like, if you want to play as Darth Vader, it's only additional $14.99 in bonus packs. And if you open 15 bonus packs, you get a gold Vader statuette.

And you're like, oh god, just let me play as Darth Vader in the Star Wars game. How are you making a Star Wars game and I have to pay you money to play as Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader? That should come with the fucking game. That should be the entire game. Yeah. They completely, oh, it's a tragedy. There's a VR game with Vader that I wanted to try, but then I didn't, and I'll probably die.

There's so much stuff. I meant to get into that. I meant to try out that Vader game. Do you have a VR headset or anything? Yeah, I've also been meaning to look at some pornography with it. I wanted to play the Star Trek bridge simulator in VR. You're on the bridge of the Enterprise. Oh, God.

You know, you're the captain and you command whatever. Fuck you. You try to lure children into your... No, you don't try to lure... What the fuck is this? Captain's log? No. No? What do you do? You tell your robot and your blind

friend and you go, you know, steady on. Mr. Data, I'll go that way. Look away while I... Riker? Yeah. Watch it. I'm onto your ass. You know, activate phasers and you know, go to warp nine. Damn it, you got to start lifting some weights.

That shit's not going to cut it in 2010. You're destroying my Star Trek fantasy. What are you, pretending to solve mysteries in space? Yeah, I want to be like Picard and go on the holiday. Hey, fucking Geordi. You got enough power down there? All right. Yeah, and engineering.

Anything I can do? Poking around like Lumberg? I want to go on the Enterprise. We should do Biggest Problems and Star Trek, maybe. Do you just want me to buy that game so you could play it? I think you should buy things for me to play with, and let me play with your expensive VR headset. Okay, here's my problem. Wait, are we doing problems already?

Well, what? Do you want to bullshit more? Well, I have this package. I'll do that at the end. You've got to do packages at the end. Because sometimes they're full of exploding barbecue sauce. Okay, let me read one thing real quick. Because I want to bring in problems from the people in the Discord.

It's a new segment that I do to reward Discord participation. Motherfucker. What did you just press? What button? Motherfucker What did you just press? What button? Conical says My biggest problem in the universe

Is heterosexuality If men had the choice We would all be gay The only reason we're with women Is because we want to fuck them That's very true Conical You completely ruined my bit

What do you mean? I ruined it You have the choice Yeah, no I think that's a good problem because like we all agree that we'd much rather just spend all our time with guys it's just guys are disgusting and you'd rather have sex with women oh okay yeah yeah i thought manboob sama this is a problem i actually have this was a good one food delivery drivers who don't know how doors work at least one out of every five orders

i received this dumb motherfucker puts the food literally in front of my outward swinging front door forcing me to either knock over my food or walk around the outside of my house from the back door to go get it just put it off to the side you shit with yeah have you had that your door your door opens inward right this is what, this is my problem with your bit. What? I would just steal these problems and then do them. Yeah, but I don't want to do like a whole... Because now you're doing a mini version of the show in front of the show.

Do you see how... Well, my thought was that I would pick problems that are so minute that I don't think they would make it as bigger problems. I think you're misunderstanding... I think you're misunderstanding something. I just want to... All right, all right. Maybe you're right. I stole getting rid of the grease from Justin Gomez in the chat.

I didn't even credit them. I just steal it. Yeah, you just take it straight up. I don't even tell them privately. Okay. Well, regardless, maybe we'll have a discussion on if this bit is a good idea or not. No.

But no, we won't have a discussion. I mean, I don't need to discuss it. I agree with this problem. It's a good problem from our listeners. Knocking your food over? Yeah, that happens to me. They like put the drink right in front of the door. My door swings outward and then I open it and I spill the drink everywhere.

And you know what I think? What? I think... If only that person had been aborted. None of this would be happening to me right now. Oh, is that what you think?

That's my problem this week is no right to bodily integrity. Ah! I don't know what to call it though. No body integrity. There's a big... Let me kill babies.

Look, all of this shit is body integrity that the government doesn't recognize for whatever reason. Okay? Right. Circumcisions, rape, drug prohibition, prostitution, suicide, pregnancy, piercing little kids' ears. Sure. Getting a punch in your forced vaccines. You remember that? That happened so long ago.

Remember all that, Vito? We didn't force anyone to get a vaccine. We just heavily incentivized it for certain places. But I understand what you're saying. That's kind of a violation of my bodily integrity. Violations of bodily integrity, I'll call it. Okay. And that there's no legal protection for that class of things.

Yeah. And that there needs to be. And there's never going to be. You want there to be protection on you have the right to do what you want to your own body. My body. Or not do to your own body. It's my body. I'm not injecting it with any life-saving chemicals.

Yeah. You should have the right to inject heroin, but not a vaccine. Yes. Yes. If there's any kind of thing in me, get this fucking thing out of here. Or you should be able to put a vaccine and no heroin if you want. It's your body. Yeah.

Yeah. Straight on the way to the abortion clinic you should be able to be high on heroin yeah does that not straight on the way and then you're gonna hit the suicide clinic because of how sad you are about what you did that's your that's your choice your choice feels like a waste to get the abortion and then immediately go to the suicide clinic feels like you could kill two birds with one stone. That's not their rates, though. They charge you for one.

Abortion is free, but then the suicide thing would charge you for two. They charge you double, so you might as well knock out the free one. Sure. Child gender reassignment surgery? Yeah. So all this shit is the same.

Torture, sterilization of retarded people. Hold on, I mean, are you arguing that a child should be able to sex reassign their body? No, I'm saying you should not be able to. But you're saying once they're of age, they can do it. Do whatever you want. Yeah. Do whatever you want. When you're 35, do whatever you want.

Cut off your legs if you want. If you're still on your parents' medical insurance, then you're a child. Sure. As soon as you're not on that, do whatever you want. You really want to open this thing, don't you? It's fun to play with things. I'm sorry. I keep playing with this package.

Open it up. What is it? What do you call it? Justin from Screenwave Media sent us a package. Oh, it's a Maddox book. It's a Maddox book, but he said to read the inscription for some reason. Okay. I don't... Let me see. A+.

Did Maddox draw this? No way. I don't know. So there's a picture of a dick. Alright. Okay. Now it's open and now we know. Now it's out of your system. Now I don't have to open it anymore. I mean, when you have a package, you know, you want to open it. I've been sitting on that for like four weeks.

Yeah, I don't know why he sent it to me. Exactly. Anyway, sorry to interrupt your problem. Oh, wait. There's a... He also drew a picture of us. There it is. One. Thank you, Justin. There it is. Thank you, Justin. That's nice. Yeah. Here you go. Hi, Dick

and Vito. I'm not sure if you're still friends, but I included two gifts, and he gave me crayons. Thank you, Justin. Thank you Vito. I'm not sure if you're still friends, but I included two gifts. And he gave me crayons. Thank you, Justin. Thank you very much. I'm sorry. I'm playing with the thing. I fidget.

I fidget. Okay? Why? I'm a fidgeter. Why? I don't know because I have all this fucking energy today. This makes you uncomfortable, this topic. No, no. Yeah, well, maybe.

Why does it? Because it's all the things mixed together and you don't know how to be safe about it, right? How to be safe about it. You know how to pick the safe angle about pretending to care about any of these fucking things. No, I genuinely believe in bodily autonomy. I do. Yeah? Yeah.

But what? But nothing. But the vaccine one. Well, the vaccine one is a little different because it's not telling you you have to do anything. It's just if you want to come into my... Like, I could have... I don't know. Could you have a bar that says, like, no guys with tattoos can come into my bar?

Of course. Can you? In America? Do you want that to exist? Yeah, I do want that. Yeah, you can say no bars with tattoos. No tattoos. Get out of here. You have to say you're Jewish. They do that in, like, Japan, you know. You can't have a tattoo anywhere. Japan's perfect. But that. Get out of here. You have to say you're Jewish. They do that in like Japan, you know. Yeah. Have a tattoo anywhere. Japan's perfect.

But that's what I'm saying is like you still have the right to. I mean, but that's personal. It's not the government. Aside from the vaccine thing, because we're just going to dip down a fucking rabbit hole. Why is it aside from? So you're fine with abortion. Yes. But not vaccines. No, it's just

I'm saying the vaccine is still optional you don't nobody there's never been a forced vaccine so it's pregnancy just don't get pregnant no that's not the same because no no no how are they different because getting pregnant is uh not the same as the that's a pre-existing condition, basically. Well, you guys... Okay. The pregnancy is the disease. Okay.

So that's like if you had COVID and then... You're making this way complicated. No, I'm not. I'm saying I get to do whatever I want with my body. You can do whatever... Yeah, absolutely. You can do whatever you want with your body. No one can fuck with my body.

No one can punch me in the face. Cut my penis off. Cut the tip of my penis off. Cut any amount of my penis off. What about mandatory vaccinations for public schools? No. What if your kid's going to get

everybody else's kid? What about the measles? Everybody's got a vaccine for that. What if the vaccine was optional and people didn't take it because they're fucking you know what if you had to just kill one guy and all crime went away is that i'd kill the guy absolutely i'm all troll every time i see that trolley problem like this is the easiest thing in the world you kill the most number of people every time. It's called abortion. Killing the one guy so crime goes away. Exactly. Yikes.

It's not the same. Yeah. Or it is the same. Whatever one you were saying. You just pulled the trolley switch and you killed the most people and you're right every time. Vaccines. Suicide you're for, obviously. Suicide, yeah, absolutely.

I don't understand why we don't make it easier. Me too. understand why we don't make it easier like it should very clearly be like oh you want to kill yourself not only can you do it we're gonna make it fun you know yeah that's always what gun people say like well there shouldn't be guns because people kill themselves like well what do you you want to you want to use a rope like yeah don't you want it to be as easy and quick and efficient oh you want them to get over it yeah okay if anything a gun is less efficient there should be like suicide booths that swiftly take the head off in one fell swoop yeah you know make it into a spectacle

and broadcast it okay so you're for everything torture you for wait i'm against torture which one are you for against let me just go down this torture okay circumcisions for against against against okay rape i'm against drug prohibition i'm not for drug prohibition prostitution i am for prostitution you're against banning it i'm against banning it Against banning prostitution Pregnancy Should it be legal to be pregnant? Yes Should it be legal to be pregnant? Yes, I think so

Suicide before that one Piercing little kids ears Illegal It's a good question, you're right I mean Because you train them to be little whores With their ears pierced, and that's how you get the pregnancy in the first place.

Okay, but that's reaching a level of having them wear clothes is a violation of bodily consent. That's like, an ear piercing is not an irreversible procedure of some sort. Getting a punch in the face? Are you for or against that? In what context Forced vaccinations So that one's different I'm not for forced vaccinations

I'm okay with having Coerced vaccinations By the government Torture same thing Not the same thing Child gender reassignment surgery I'm very against child gender Re reassignment surgery i'm very against child gender very against it reassignment surgery yes okay what if it's like you know like mom says

i'm not gonna love you anymore unless you claim to want this so that's like the government coercing them is that what you're not as bad but not as bad yeah yeah uh anti that under no circumstances the government is not emotionally manipulating you. Okay. What do you mean? How do we get into so many wars then if the government's not emotionally manipulating people? Maybe they are emotionally manipulating people. Look, it's the bodily autonomy.

Bodily autonomy, integrity is the basic right that all the other rights come from. Yeah. Should not be confusing. Should not be infringed upon. None of it should be infringed upon. All the other rights is shit that you own. Stuff that you say. Your person has got to be, person's got to be sank or sank.

So you're worried about them taking away the right to abortion, is that what you're saying? So you're worried about them taking away the right to abortion. Is that what you're saying? Well, I'm worried about, what I'm always worried about is that it's an emotional hodgepodge of which bodily autonomy rights that we have. Yeah. And they fluctuate based on which candidate is in charge and what slogans can get morons to vote for them. Like, drugs, shit.

Drugs is very basic bodily autonomy. And for some reason, half the country is confused about this. Same side with abortion on the other side. This is not confusing, guys. Right. But you did vote for this. Literally, I did. You literally voted for this.

I'm glad we didn't have to pull your arm on that one. I'm glad you just immediately I knew he was going to do it too Sorry You guys shouldn't have fucked around so much That's always been the thing It's very true We shouldn't have fucked around so much

Yeah The left was a horrible, terrible Both sides are terrible That's all I can say Yeah At this point you're picking from two different poisons But at least at this point you're picking from two different poisons but at least at this point everybody can stop going oh you

just hated his mean tweets oh yeah now you got now I got something to go no it was specifically this that I knew it was leading towards the whole fucking time we always knew oh he's just appointing a bunch of conservative pro-life

Christian fucking dudes in the Supreme Court Nothing bad's gonna happen Nothing's gonna change There it is There it fucking is So I never want to hear another one of these Like you just didn't like his mean No it was this

This was what it was leading towards So now we got no drugs And no abortion No drugs no abortion. No drugs, no abortion. I just don't get it. Do all the pro-life people, like they get, I think they just hang around their friends and family. Because if you hang around anybody else, there's no way you could be, it's indefensible.

You would want abortions. For everyone. Yeah. Spend 10 minutes in traffic. Oh, this is, this is preposterous it's also just I don't know abortion is a complicated topic obviously not really

I don't know I don't care where you send them Iraq, hell, limbo just keep them away from me your kids take care, whatever I think a thing that has existed I don't know. Take care. Whatever. I think a thing that has existed. I don't want to pay for it.

Yeah. So whatever you got to do. I think a cell merges with an egg and for two months it mutates into a little blob of goo. I don't know. I'm not losing sleep when you scramble its brains and vacuum it out. Why not? You should be. Why? Because it's horrible. When like a two-year-old dies

I go like, eh, you know. At least he was only two. He's like a two-year-old dies, I go like, eh, you know. Why? At least he was only two. He's not my two-year-old. Fuck him. He didn't have that much going on. Whenever somebody loses like a little kid, I go, oh, thank God he was so young. You can just make another one.

Yeah. You know, it's only when you get a couple years on him that you go, well, now it's a tragedy. He was like six. Well, because that's like a lot of money. Yeah. Sunk cost fallacy. Kids close it cheap. It's not even a fall lot of money Into that Yeah sunk cost fallacy Kids clothes are cheap

It's not even a fallacy It just is the sunk cost At that point A kid It's 15 year old Hopefully Then you make another kid And you hope it's the same gender

So you can reuse the clothes And everything Cause at least there's still like Paw Patrol's still around Stuff like that And you get all the clothes Like embroidered You know they all have

Dead kid's name on them So you can't You gotta name the new kid The same name as the dead kid. That probably makes it easier. But when you've got a 16-year-old that dies, I put a lot of fucking money in that fucking kid. See, that's the worst. Because you go, oh, man, all this time you put into that thing.

I got to start over. It's like buying a car is like a project, right? And if you give up after a week, it's like, yeah, that thing was never going to run. But if you put all this money and time into restoring this vintage car and you can never get the engine to run or it just dies all of a sudden, drive it off a cliff. Yeah. It's a way bigger waste. Like you make a bunch of food. Anyway, everyone gets it.

That's my problem. Everyone gets it. All right. Well, Dick voted for it. Why does it make you so uncomfortable? I don't think I'm uncomfortable. Oh, okay. Because of the vaccine thing?

Because it's the same? I think the vaccine, it's not the same. My body's my choice. Is it not? It is still your choice. Well. And the government has- I want to fly.

Has the choice to- Yeah, but that's- I mean, if you want to fly, there's- I want to go to school. There's restrictions on's i mean if you want to fly this there's i want to go to school there's restrictions on flying too there are social contracts that exist to get on a plane you can't bring your gun even though that's not bodily autonomy that's a possession that i have what if your hand was a like a hand i have gun hands there's probably one guy who's got to deal with the fact that he, you know,

Has a gun sewed to his hand? That he sharpened his hand into a knife and now he can't ride on planes. And you go, well, it is your body, but, you know, why'd you make a knife hand for yourself? I kind of have to inject it into me, though. It's a complicated world we live in, Dick. I don't think that it is. It's a complicated, complicated world. Well, speaking of bodily autonomy, nope, I can't make that transition work. It's a complicated world.

Well, speaking of bodily autonomy, nope, I can't make that transition work. I was trying to segue. Dick, you know what really grinds my gears? What's that? You go to the store to purchase an item. This is the most simple transaction. Commerce.

It's the lifeblood of this country. Okay. Exchanging money for goods and services. But all of a sudden, there's an intrusion upon this sacred contract between customer and shopkeep. Okay. Typically goes, would you like to donate $4 to the children of the Myanmar crisis. My problem, Dick, is the cash register donation grift. Leave me alone.

I don't want to help anyone. I don't like the insinuation that I should maybe help anyone. Unless it's abortion funds. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When did the... The worlds of commerce and donations No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, ask for a donation well well they're probably suffering even more than if you're gonna donate money to a cause there's always multiple causes supporting a certain issue yeah you know you don't have the time at the cash register to research is this a good organization how is

the money distributed is it just a scam to feed the guys at the top but they still weigh on you with this moral imperative of yeah are you gonna donate or not are you a piece of shit or not and you can't explain to them well you know i like to only donate to causes that i have researched and understand in full i mean it's two dollars like how much no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no. No, because it's $2 every fucking time. Dollar every time. Do you want to round up the change? No, just leave me alone. Honestly, I get upset now when they ask.

Because there should be a way to opt out of this. You just fake, you say, I got no cash. No, no, no, I don't even want to, I want like a sign. I want like some sort of like, I want my credit card to i want like a sign i want like some sort of like i want my credit card to like emit like a signal or if i just like put it near the register it goes shuts those yeah it says no no no we're a t-shirt that says i don't give to charities don't ask i still i feel like they would still ask they think it's ironic and then i'd point at the shirt and i'd go if you ever i should it just infuriates me for some reason.

Yeah. Well, they've studied it. Here's why it infuriates people, Dick. Okay, okay. Because customers perceive point-of-sale solicitations as a violation of their social contract with the retailer. When I go to do something, we have a social contract which is reciprocate what is it reciprocal reciprocal reciprocate yes where we're both equally contributing and benefiting from the exchange

so have you ever gone to a cash register and paid for your good and go hey by the way would you like to donate a dollar to charity uh to my charity as the customer yes i'm gonna start doing that i'm gonna start doing that when they ask me would you like to donate a dollar to this i'm gonna go no do you want to donate a dollar to this i'm gonna hold out a little can and if they say no i'm gonna go well okay it helped a lot of helped some kids or something this dog is about to get put down in less than 24 hours unless I raise $300. It puts the retailer in a position of power over you, the customer. Now, typically, you and the retailer are supposed to be on even ground.

Yeah. You have the money to pay for the item. They have the item to give you. So why are they the ones who now get to ask for more to ask for more from you yeah and as if it's and it's for a good cause so they get to feel like so you just came in here to buy shit like a fucking piece of shit i'm here trying to help the world me the retailer yeah and you're like oh what did you do today? Why don't you give me some money? And this whole fucking power dynamic, it's disgusting. I agree.

I don't like it. Now, the guys outside. It's never really bothered me, though. It bothers me, and sadly. No, no, no. People probably like it. A lot of people probably see that and go like, oh, that's great that they're doing something. They should.

The guys outside, fine, because them. No, they annoy me. They annoy me, but at least they're detached from my shopping experience. I can ignore them. Now, if they try to talk to me, I become upset. Yes. Yes. Especially when it's an organization like D.A.R.E.

You ever get the D.A.R.E. guys? I didn't know they were still around. They are, but they claim that they've changed what they're about. What are they about now? I don't know, but whenever they ask me for money, I go, didn't you guys teach kids to narc on their parents? They taught us about drugs. Yeah, and they go, we don't do that anymore.

How amazing they are that you could throw your whole life away for them. I'm like, wow, I've got to get into some of these drugs. Well, that was great was they looked up how effective the D.A.R.E. program was, and it just wasn't effective at all. And if anything, probably steered kids towards drugs by talking about, it makes you like feel all crazy, man. And then you're like out.

When you were a kid and dare told you about what it was like to be drunk. I remember my whole time was like, I got to try it. Oh yeah. Cause they're like, they're like, put on these goggles. This is what it looks like when you're drunk.

And I remember thinking that they were like, I remember thinking they were fucking with me. And I'm like, there's no way that there's a magic potion i can drink that makes the world turn all sloppy and crazy and when i'm an adult i'm going to drink heavily to find out if they were right yeah because i thought that i would evolve like a pokemon into an adult yeah and at that point drugs and alcohol would just be the best thing to do.

But it turned out I could have done them right away. You could have been doing them as a kid. It could have been great. So many wasted years of not having a hangover. That's the problem. Not only are they asking me for money, but these charities are all shit. How much do they make?

I think it said that like 18% of people do actually donate at the point of sale. What the fuck is wrong with people? I don't know. I've never done it. Stop. I've never done it. No, I haven't either. If you want to donate to charity, just take. Don't. Don't. Donate to us. Yeah, donate

to us. Honestly, donate to causes that are truly intimate to you, not this throwaway gesture on behalf of Walgreens. Oh, do you want to help Walgreens save? How much money have we wasted barely keeping people alive? Billions, trillions. Hunger.

Problem solves itself. Yeah. Well, you know, it's going to be a rough couple of months, but then no more hunger. Yeah. Well, you know, it's going to be a rough couple of months, but then no more hunger. Yeah. You know? How much money has been wasted

on cancer research? It's still, still non-stop. Should we stop researching it? Oh, we got to solve cancer. We got to solve cancer. What? The worst ones are always

the awareness charities. Like, you know how the breast cancer awareness charity, it's like, how much of that money goes to solving cancer? Oh, we don't, like 3 that money goes to solving cancer oh we don't like three percent yeah they're like we don't really solve cancer we more make people aware of cancer and you're like i think people

know breast cancer exists at this point that whole susan g kohman whatever for the cure the the pink ribbons you know that's the worst charity of them all yeah because the phrase for the cure is so generic right yeah so like all these like low is not enough money that's what they're trying to do no no they've trademarked the phrase for the cure oh so if you are like trying to have a fundraiser for any kind of charity you're like we're gonna have a fun run for the cure you get a call from the susan g coleman foundation that goes you legally cannot call your fun run a fun run for the cure we own that you can't have a pink ribbon we own pink i think they own ribbons in a certain like uh orientation or whatever they own all pink

fucking ribbons all these things are for-profit scams. Yeah. And you do not have enough time of the charities that are good and real. Okay? You do not have enough time at the point of sale at the Burger King or whatever to figure out which ones you should actually be investing in. So you end up donating your money to bullshit if you get roped into these scams. And

they got rid of the fun ones like a Taco Bell when you could win like a taco for donating a quarter they don't even have that shit anymore so there's no benefit whatsoever because it was gambling yeah remember that yeah yeah you dropped the quarter in and oh yeah if you knew what to do you spin it around oh i was the champion of that shit i would win a taco every time how come the breast cancer awareness didn't like doesn't have a OnlyFans? Well, because- Why is charity just so obnoxious?

Every single charity- The fuck cancer people that are all like, Oh, my wife died of cancer. Fuck cancer. Fuck cancer, dude. Fuck you. God, you're ruining the F word. Yeah.

With your cringe charities, cringe cancer charities. Oh, yeah, my fucking dad was the toughest guy, and then he got, and then getting better. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know. He lost a battle. We know. Oh, fuck. And then what happened? Lost, then he made a recovery.

Oh. He lost his battle with cancer. Fuck cancer. Jesus Christ. Yeah, The Colgate Cavity creeps are here Yeah Fuck you

And then I got All I gotta hear about Is how the Ronald McDonald house Helped a bunch of Fucking And I'm like You know what

I don't care You know that they Kicked a kid out For not getting vaccinated Oh the Ronald McDonald house did Yeah See

People donated to that You donate your money You're at the McDonald's You donate 15 cents. You don't know that money is paying the wage of whatever worker kicked a kid out for not getting vaccinated. I was in kids. I'll let that one go.

Yeah. You know? Sure. If they escaped from the womb, alright. That one, then they deserve some benefits or whatever else. My problem dick is cash registered donations. I don't like it. I don't like it, sir. That's interesting what you said about getting in the way of your transaction.

Because you have that same feeling if you're like... You want to have equal power at the register. I feel like you have no power in a transaction anymore. Well, it's like you're having a transaction and then someone will come and ask where something is. And even if it didn't delay the tiltaker, I'm still like, you fucking bitch. You could have waited until I had done pay. Even if it doesn't delay them, I'm like, you fucking whore, you fat whore.

Yeah. They're adding things into what should be the most purest commerce. Somebody calls, they have a question, like, what the fuck? I'm right here. What is this little ad That you What is this thing Making me feel like shit

They should just have Instead of A box for money Just a kid that's starving Like the picture Yeah It's like well you know What's the difference

And if you don't Well it should be A picture of like a starving kid Like a cardboard cutout When you put the dollar in He goes Oh thank you, sir. But if you don't, you got to press his-

I think South Park did this. I think South Park did do this. I think they did exactly what you're saying. Did they have like, you got to press, didn't he have to press on his tummy? You have to take the sandwich out of his mouth. Yeah, you have to take the sandwich out of his mouth. I knew I was getting pretty close to that South Park bit, but I wasn't sure. You went too far.

I went too far. With the cardboard cutout. Simpsons did it. The classic scenario. Here's my, what time is it? What is it? Here's my problem. With the cardboard cutout. Simpsons did it. Classic scenario. Here's my... What time is it? 40... Here's my problem.

Not enough Shawnees. Yes. My Shawnees NFTs sold out in like a couple hours. Almost before I launched them. How much were they? No, the price was perfect. What were they? Three bucks?

Only like $1.50 or two bucks. Price was perfect, but I guess I didn't make enough. I don't know. You didn't get one. You didn't get one. I didn't get one. Tons of people didn't get any shawleys. I didn't set up a wallet, though.

I have to set up a... Why don't you have a wallet? What is it, a soul wallet, though? I thought I had to get a special wallet. Solana wallet. Phantom wallet. You gotta have these.

Look, you can't be going into the New World Order without any wallets. I have them. It's just talking about video games. I have whatever wallet. You're not gonna make it. I have that one.

Okay? You gotta have your OPSEC and your security and you got to be familiar with this technology. Can I use the same wallet that my Stone Toss NFTs are in? I don't know what you're... I wouldn't be talking about specifically what kind of wallet I had my Stone Toss

NFTs in. I can't even talk about which wallet I have. Do whatever you want. See, this is what I don't like about NFTs is it goes like, oh, they're so fun and great, but if you tell anyone you have them, they're all going to get stolen. They're going to kill you. I don't like that. No, you can't use the same wallet that you stole. Unless you're using a ledger,

then you can kind of use it, but not really. I don't like NFTs. Can't I just buy it? Can't I just give you... Can't I PayPal it? No, I had that open. A bunch of people found it secretly and put it in like a hundred bucks. I was like, I didn't implement this. Don't get out of here.

Refund, refund, refund. Refund? No, you're just going to take that money and run. Not enough Shawnees to go around. People are wasting their money on whatever, cancer research, whatever they're burning their money with. They're never going to solve it. Right.

They could just be buying Shawnees. But they can't. There's a very real problem could just be buying Shawnees. But they can't. There's a very real problem of you not having Shawnees that you can solve with that same couple of bucks. Can I buy them on the secondary market? Yeah, they're shooting through the roof. How much is an average Shawnee right now? I don't know. More than the mint price was.

Five bucks? Maybe. I'd pay five bucks for a good Shawnee. Well, I'm going to make more. I'm going to mint some more this Tuesday. Yeah. So you better get your shit together. Can you make mutant Shawnees?

Not yet, but soon. That's on the roadmap. That's on the roadmap. All these degenerate gamblers came in who bought them because I was promoting them so much. Right. They're like, hey, so what's the roadmap? I'm like, well, you're going to be mutant Shawnees. There's a metaverse component.

There's going to be a DeFi platform. Right, right, right. Eventually they'll build you Shawnees to buy a cheeseburger at this specific Shawnee-themed restaurant. A cheeseburger. Yeah. It's different. Internet burger. Yeah, and if you buy enough, you get a token.

I don't fucking know any of this shit. So there will be more Shawnees soon. So who's benefiting wildly from Shawnees? Are you taking any profits from the Shawnees? Only a tiny bit. Yeah. Most is going to Corgan and Sean. And Sean. Actual Sean. So you guys have a percentage split of some sort? It's a secret?

They get most of it. They get most of it. Well, I'm glad Corgan's getting paid. Corgan, a great artist. Oh, yeah. And so now all the other NFT artists who are like, artists get fucked over. Not this guy. Not this guy. We gotta lock him down, though. Can you sign Corgan to a contract? He's gonna start getting paid from fucked over. Not this guy. Not this guy. Over here. We got to lock him down, though. Can you sign Corgan to a contract?

He's going to start getting paid from other people. Yeah. What do you mean, we? Well, because I used him for the, what do you call it, to draw the niggler. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's great.

Yeah, he's great. But now I'm worried he's going to get too hot for his britches and he's going to go, why would I make art for your guy's show when I can just make more Shawnies? Maybe. Maybe he'll be spoiled on Shawnee money. God damn it. You fucked a good thing

I had going here. Shawnies.art. Shawnies.art. Get your Solana wallet. Wow. I wish I could bring a promoting my own projects problem.

You did. You have done that multiple times. What are you talking about? I've never. I've never. I've never. All of your Vito 2

second channel shit. That's bullshit. Go to youtube.com slash me to two dick i'm gonna give you a couple prices here and uh let me know if you agree with these average carton of eggs according to the u.s bureau of labor statistics 10 bucks dollar 83 close close Let's try another one. Loaf of bread. Average cost of a loaf of bread. $4. $2.50. All right. People are complaining about the price of groceries? Shh, shh, shh.

A pound of bacon. What do you think? Average price? Six bucks. Very close. Seven bucks. Okay. I can see that.

About a box of pancake mix. Average cost in America. 99 cents. Yeah, about two, three bucks, I guess. I had three dollars here. Point is, Dick, my problem is overpriced breakfast. What are we doing in this country? What are we doing

in America, Dick? I am a man who loves a breakfast. And I'll go to some of these diners, some of these... Breakfast is like the newest hip thing among these millennial restauranteurs. I know, I hate it. They open up all these fun breakfast places.

I remember I went to one. I forget. It had some stupid name, like the Egg Mama or like... Egg Slut. Yeah. Do you believe they put that on a building? Egg Slut? Yeah, that is very bizarre.

I can't believe... Kids are wearing t-shirts. Egg Slut. Like, what the fuck? Yeah, we really have kind of gone past the point of no return. How about that place? You've ever eaten there? I'm surprised with what we're allowed to put out there in the ether.

It's just like, everyone's giving up. Kid, your mom's a real slut. How dare you say that? It's right on his fucking shirt. What does he think it means? I go to egg slut or whatever the fuck it is. And I look on the menu and I go, this can't be right. Something's wrong here.

Some sort of corned beef hash concoction I go okay well maybe it's all homemade potatoes and meats and whatever else it was like $13 and I go well that's fine dude it's like an extra dinner like what the fuck oh well at that point I go well that's pretty expensive but

of course it's a full breakfast so it'll come with toast and eggs and everything else. The guy goes, would you like eggs with that? And I go, well, I mean, how many eggs does it come with? And he goes, oh, no, no, no. It doesn't come with eggs. I go, so you're just selling corned beef hash for $13? How big was it? And I go, how much?

Oh, it's not big. I go, how much are eggs? And he goes, well, it's $2 an egg. $2 an egg? Dick, a dozen eggs is $1.83. Yeah. I go to so many of these breakfast places. There's a breakfast place out here called Russell's.

And I go, are they fucking with me? Every breakfast special goes. It's like bacon with one egg sausage with one egg. The one egg breakfast for $14. What the fuck? Eggs cost nothing. Bread side of toast, $4. And then we got these hipster creations.

Avocado toast. It's two pieces of toast it's a super with one avocado what does avocado cost like two bucks at most no avocados are expensive three bucks uh yeah okay three bucks for one avocado two slices of toast out of again your loaf of bread yes okay there needs What about minimum wage? I'm aware that there's going to be some overhead and some costs. What do you think about minimum wage, by the way?

Are you for that? We've had this discussion. I know. I can't remember. You're for minimum wage. Okay, but you're anti-minimum toast prices. Yes. There's no minimum toast price here. bucks the point is i know these places maybe you're right maybe it is the cost of regulation and doing business i don't know

yeah everybody's quitting but regardless it has trickled down to me the consumer so i'm not saying i'm not saying the actions. Hey, maybe it is the consequences of my actions, but it's still a problem. Okay. Regardless of how the problem came to be. Okay. So how much do you think you should spend on breakfast? Breakfast should be, at most, should be $8, $10. $10?

$10 is the most I want to pay for a big old breakfast. That's a lot. That is a lot. You go to like Norm's or something like a diner. But even if I go to a diner, I end up paying like 20 bucks with the coffee. Charge you four bucks for a cup of coffee. What? Yeah.

They're getting you everywhere. But it's really, but here's the thing. Other stuff, like other meals, I can kind of justify it because there's more. There's more involved with cooking. I don't need breakfast though. Yeah. Just kind of get suckered into it every once in a while. Breakfast feels like it's a throwaway meal and an egg takes

literally zero skill or effort to cook. Right. Okay, an egg never tastes any different. Anyone could cook yeah, you can't make an egg in some special magical way. It's you put it on a grill you fry it up, you turn it over and you put it on a plate. Right. Or you turn it over and you didn't

do it right and you get frustrated and stab it and try to make scrambled eggs, and then that gets messed up. You just eat it and hate yourself. I think that in terms of the menu item to markup, I can't think of anything more drastic than the piece of toast and the egg. The egg. The egg is the cheapest thing in your fridge. It's $0 25 cents an egg

And you order a three What does a three egg omelette cost you? A little bit of cheese 18 bucks 18 fucking dollars maybe People are coming here for breakfast at night though Sometimes So it's basically dinner

No no no It's the same shit What about breakfast at night? I think I just think that something has happened I think I think that they've Cause you know what? I explained this to a

friend because a friend was like, I don't know what you're talking about. And I go, how much does a dozen eggs cost? He goes, $2. And then all of a sudden it's like something flipped in his brain. He went, holy shit. Why have I been paying so much for these fucking omelets? Okay. You know? I think for somehow they've managed to divorce

the restaurant breakfast from the real life price of the goods in the consumer's mind. Where we now no longer see the connection. Where do consumers have any concept of how much something costs in raw goods? That's the problem though. I think that this

I think the reason that food prices are going up is that this current generation doesn't cook as much food for themselves. They don't know how much they can cause. They don't understand the economics. And they're being slowly grifted upwards where they go, oh my God, rice and like chicken on the rice. That must have taken forever to cook and involved outsourcing millions of ingredients.

They don't understand because we now live in a world where these kids are incompetent fucking weirdos who don't cook for themselves. They're just not only fans all day. They're not learning. Okay. Yes. I have an alternative theory. What is that? Minimum wage.

Okay. Okay. Sure. It's a math equation. Plus. What else? The minimum wage is not even that high. What is it?

15 bucks? It's. What do you mean it's not that high? You sell one. It should be zero. You sell one omelet and you pay. And plus these are waitresses who are being paid the waitstaff minimum wage. This is like $2.13 an hour. But the tips have to add up to minimum wage, don't they?

It depends on the state. Not all the restaurants do that now. Yeah. They're like no more tipping. It depends on the state. I don't like tipping. What are the other price-raising things that you're for? Minimum wage. Government regulation, I'm sure.

Healthcare? Healthcare. I don't know. I don't know how you handle healthcare. Do you see how all these things led to... No, I get it. I understand. And I also think healthcare...

Unemployment, that shit? I don't think healthcare should come from your employer. That never made any sense to me. Do you know why we have that? No. Because during World War II, the government said you're not allowed to give people

any raises of money. So they started offering health care as an incentive yeah it was like this is one of the worst things that's ever happened yeah no it makes no sense from any do other countries do that that your employer is specifically responsible for providing a health care no other countries just well yeah but they have government health care that you pay taxes for uh they have private health too. They have a minimum of healthcare, but then they have private on top of that. Interesting.

The work is your worst advocate. Your workplace is your mortal enemy. I think there are a lot of government regulations on business that could be relaxed. I think there's a lot of workplace protections that are unnecessary. Oh, yeah. OSHA?

Some OSHA stuff. Okay. I mean, you still want a guy to go around and be like, listen, man, you really can't stand on that forklift over that pit. Why? Let him die. No. Again, once again, all these problems work themselves out. Yeah. Shouldn't we have a guy in here checking if people are standing

on forklifts? I mean, it used to be pretty there there was a lot of uh factory murders was why we had to murders oh whatever it was yeah there's a lot of factory abortions there was a i mean i i like having a food and drug administration you know people you like having a food and drug administration no i despise the federal government. You don't want anyone to check if your food is fucking going to kill everybody and track down when it does and shut down? They're forcing me to take a vaccine that I think will stop my heart. No, I don't want them to look at my food and tell me. I would trust the farmer to do it. No, no.

I don't trust any of it. What about building regulations? You know, like you got to use material that is not going to collapse and kill everybody. No. Okay. No, because we have lawsuits. If you build fucked up buildings and kill people, you'll get sued into the dirt. Okay, yeah.

40 years later, it collapses and the guy who built it's already dead. That lawsuit isn't really going to stop him from building. That shit's happening. That shit's happening anyway. Yes. All right. We're back. We're back. That shit's happening anyway. Yes. All right. We're back. We're back.

We had a technical issue. Okay, that's it. That's a show. I'll tell you what. What are your problems? My problems are cash register donations. Cash register donations?

Yeah. And what else? And overpriced breakfasts. Overpriced breakfasts. You know, it's only going to get... Should it be cash register solicitations, maybe? Yeah. Cash register solicitations.

Yeah. Sure. Mine are... What were mine? Body? Bodily? Bodily autonomy something. It has a word, though.

Bodily integrity. Bodily integrity violations. But it's a protection. They're not protected. Ah, fuck of bodily autonomy lack of bodily autonomy that's gonna get downvoted to hell no one's gonna lack of bodily autonomy what the fuck give me back my abortion that's the and the other one i forget what the other not enough shawnees. Oh, my God. Not enough Shawnees available now or soon at what? Shawnees.nft? Forever.

Forever. Shawnees.art. Can you do like a drop every month of like 100? Yeah. I'll probably do a small drop every once in a while. That's the way to do it. Every time it's funny. Every time it's funny.

Can you do like holiday themed ones? Like Halloween Shawnees? Nah, because you got to like draw those. Yeah. But maybe a little bit. i'll do one maybe make like one special one that might drop i'll ask corgan he's in charge of it well couldn't you draw one halloween shawnee and you go as part of this drop one of the hundred will be spooky pumpkin shawnee yeah or you draw like a pumpkin hat yeah and put that around or like a pumpkin pail or something and mix it in. Okay, here we go.

NFTs, huh? They're fun. They're fun. They're neat. I just think they're neat. Hey, Dicky, Vito, your old pal VP. Dick, I just want to say thank you very much for bringing in the Chippendale thing

because I started my own conspiracy theory. I am ground zero for it as far as I know, but I heard that. I was like oh yes so i went to work the very next day and started spouting off how disney's got this new movie whose sole purpose is to normalize pander to my generation the uh 40 year olds yeah to make their kids transgender surgeries more normalized since the 2D to 3D surgery. That is kind of what it is.

And everybody at work is fucking fuming and they're telling all their friends about it. And I'm like, yeah, this is how you sow the seeds of discord. Do I believe it? Not really, but I sure as shit think it's fucking funny. Anyhow, love you, bye. So Chippentown is a transgender narrative. I also have to thank

Justin for these multicultural crayons which make me upset for some reason. In all the colors. The right wing will run with any lie. And when it's obviously a joke they will not even mention it.

I'm leaving it up. I got fooled. I'm leaving it up. I'm leaving it up because everyone can see I'm fooled. The fact that we believed it means it's so because that's how crazy the times we live in are. That's what they always justify. Yeah, I got tricked, but it could have been real. And you're like, no, it couldn't have been.

You're just really bad at reading satire and jokes. This is great. Yeah, a 38-year-old man uh me and dick sharing a pepsi apparently oh i see more of ito meme pepsi jug yeah thanks thanks justin nailed it there we go hey dick hey vito hi i've got two comments for you the first is guilt tripping womanpping woman saying, I told you so. I got COVID from traveling to work for a couple days. That's why I sound like

sick. I'm not asking for sympathy, but she doesn't have to rub it in my face every time she gets a chance. Which is why I suck. Oh, he's really got the COVID. Did he just die on call did he just did his lungs just fell okay it's another two minutes of that i guess he yeah he just fell off okay told you so

buddy there we go hey did you know that if you go up and complain to a mcdon McDonald's that you are way way too fat and fucking retarded to ever have to pay full price for a fucking burger, they'll give you like two of them for free. Also, if you claim that you were just so fucking stupid and fat and retarded

and your name is Vito, you'll be able to walk up and get fucking two single cheeseburgers and they're not even going to think about it. You be able to walk up and get fucking two single cheeseburgers, and they're not even going to think about it. You really got to put two and two together here. You take one of them burgers and put them on the other burger. Wow.

It's like a fat hack. Oh, my God. You'll be able to gain so much weight in so little time, it's not even fucking funny, dude. Wow. It's almost like you're not a fat sack of shit at all. I think he's making fun of my McDonald's menu hacks

That I brought up on a previous episode Alright I'm still saying if you want to save money at McDonald's You can get the app I don't know if that was the best way of criticizing me Do you know if you can go to McDonald's you can get burgers If you're a fat piece of shit Okay I'm sorry

Does that happen to you where guys will They want to make fun of something, but it starts off so esoteric, like I don't get it. Yeah, I'm not there with you. Like somebody will come on like, yeah, Dick, it's like if he painted a horse's tail. I'm like, man, I just, I have no idea.

Shit on a guy's chest and he licked it up. And you're like, I don't see the comparison you're drawing here. Thank you for your call, caller. Okay, let's see. How about the grease thing? Oh, come on. I was hoping you'd bring in another oil problem this week. If you're a fucking idiot when it comes to the whole grease shit.

Oil trifecta? Well, because you went seed oils. Then you went disposing of oils. Oh, shit. You doubled up on oil I think I'm the only one who caught it You did gas prices I didn't do anything about that did I I don't think so

Oh well This is something that like I've learned As a little kid man What you do is you get an empty pickle jar Just fucking put your grease in there Yeah Cumulate the fucking grease From multiple foods Just put it under your sink

Once it's full Toss it in the trash Who gives a shit It's not that fucking hard buddy And you don't need to Fuck around with Like soda cans And fucking beer bottles

As if you're homeless man I get it you live in LA But you're not homeless man Alright I guess we all need a grease jar How does LA have to do with this I don't know Did your family have a grease jar

Under the sink I don't remember this Did your family have a grease jar under the sink? I don't remember this being a thing. Pickle jar. How many pickles is everyone eating? I don't know. I've never been a picklesman. There's a lot of people who do enjoy pickles intensely. Maybe I gotta get on this pickle game. Pickles always feel like the thing that was forced upon

us. We had all these cucumbers and we didn't know what to do with them and we're like, let's put them on hamburgers. I've never thought... Very rarely does the pickle work with a piece of food. No, man. Pickles are their own thing. Pickle on a sandwich is great. Those big pickle cocks they have at Disneyland, those are amazing.

You can get a good pickle. A lot of pickles are terrible. They come in a bag. They don't come in a jar. Okay, one more. How about this one? Hello. I have this one? Hello. I have a big problem here. You know what I'm really tired of is having my dining experience at a restaurant or a bar or a fucking fast food place,

what have you, even a friend's house that is utterly destroyed or ruined because the bathroom is so insanely disgusting or so fucking gross. I get that cleaning a bathroom is not fun. I fucking clean mine once a week. I know it's not a great time, but goddamn, dude, like some of these places when the toilet doesn't fucking work or the sink has the shittiest water pressure and I either have to go back and finish my meal or I have to go back and finish my meal

or I have to basically finish digesting the meal I just had after visiting the bathroom. Can we just make it a thing where, listen, let's just clean the fucking toilet. If you own a restaurant, clean it once a day. Or have an employee walk in there every hour or two or something. Because, damn, dude, like, either the people who use them have

no idea how a fucking bathroom stall works or the employees just don't give a shit and it's just going to fucking make me feel like I'm talking about. Well, that's the thing. He's covering too much ground. Or even just washing my hands and then right afterwards go and eat the rest of my

food. Alright, thanks. Why are you taking a shit in the middle of eating food? I'll say this. Okay. Yes, public restrooms should be clean. And yes, if your friend invites you over for like a nice dinner, I guess you should clean his toilet. But if you're just going over to your buddy's house for like pizza, I'm not cleaning my

toilet for you. Like deal with it. I'm not ever. Why are you going over to your friend's house for a nice dinner? I don't know. Yeah, that's the other thing. Just don't turn the light on. I haven't hosted a dinner

at my house ever. Literally since I've moved in. Does the toilet work or not? Yeah. First he said that the toilet didn't work. That's a whole separate issue. So what is he in there for at all?

That's a separate issue. But just shit before you eat. I'll tell you this. Or after. At your own house. My toilet's horrendous, but you've made the choice to come to my house if you don't want to use it you'll find something else

that's the show and we have some super chats oh boy my favorite segment of the show trick the veto trick the veto uh Calum W says

Veto how many kilograms Are you? He says how much kilograms How much kilograms are you? I don't know What's a kilogram and a pound? I haven't weighed myself in a while It's less it's like half I'm going to assume I've hit 200 at this point

Kilograms? That's big 200 kilograms That's big did he get me no no no what do you mean you got your hand like i'm just waiting because i want to immediately hammer you i'm just reading these now get your shawnees or anyway that was callum for uh w i think i'm 200 pounds justin gomez for five says get your shawnees now w-a-g-m what does that stand for we're all gonna make it we're all gonna make it silverback strength for 20 wow says ice huck hawks the fuck guys all right i get it did you get that before i i got it before i read yeah no why would he just say ice huck hawcks? It doesn't mean anything.

All right. But I have made the agreement with the audience that if you donate like 20 bucks, I'll just fucking read it. Okay. You're going to get tricked. That's not a trick. I'll tell you. I don't know.

It wasn't a trick till I made you read it angrily. Yeah. Then it became good. You can use that drop if you want. David Gomez for five 69. it became good you can use that drop if you want david gomez for 569 can we get an audio drop for every one veto says psychopath or whatever whenever dick makes a good point i do call people psychopaths a lot yeah that's a liberal thing i have certain words i like was everyone just gonna like why don't you just run all my speech through a filter and you can pick out

which words i use the most and then penalize. How about you just listen to the fucking show? Instead of trying to figure out which phrases I use too often. It's hard to listen to something if someone's using the same phrase, though. No, that's specifically why you listen. You never watch a TV show and a guy's like, when Bart says, eat my shorts

in every fucking episode, you clap your hands and you go, say the thing. No, then it's like, it's too much. But now you're trying to pick pick if you spend your time on a podcast trying to pick apart people's speech speech patterns you're gonna have a bad time i think i think you're gonna have a bad time pick a low the driving ape for two says dick check the audio levels you guys are peaking oh we are oh shit well it's a little late for that. Oops. It looks good on the recording, though. I don't know. I'll go back and listen to it.

Aptitude Alchemy for $20 to be queer. The phrases, let's be clear or to be perfectly clear are normally followed up with some overly simplified data point that is in fact a lie powered by some emotion that sends idiots

to the voting booth yeah that's true yeah well he was very clear about that justin drobey for five says star trek bridge crew is terrible i bought it at launch it wasn't worth half of what i paid oh that's uh david gomez for five says lording my job that provides my health care and pays my mortgage over me during a countrywide lockdown and quality job shortage is forcing a vaccine it's a lot of caps there david but thank you for weighing in lording my job lording my job i think he means losing my job oh but it came out as he lorded his job which sounds much more more fun. Stage zero for two says, well, they are different, yet the same. And he put that word in there.

And that was not a clever one. Justin Gomez. You almost fell for it, though. No, I didn't. $9.99. Can't believe Richard admitted to stealing my problem. That's you. Should have stolen pre-cordial catch syndrome since it's a much bigger problem.

SMDH. King Verbatim for 20. A friend of mine is finally... Thank you for the 20 bucks, King Verbatim. A friend of mine is finally achieving his dream of entering the aviation industry. Here it comes. This is already terrible, but I'm going to read it. His startup may very well rival that of Delta or Southwest.

Did he get it? Let's see. My name is Mike 2Beef. Let's hear it for 2Beef Airlines. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Hold on. I suck, Cox.

Yeah, I got it. 2Beef, let's hear. That was the trap. Yeah, he got it. Two beef. Let's hear. That was the trap. That was the fake out. Let's hear it for two beef airlines. There it is. You got it again. I suck, Cox.

All right. He did get it. He faked you out with the obvious. Oh, yeah. He got me with Mike two beef. I really didn't see that one coming. Because then you thought it was let's hear. Then you thought that was it.

And you relaxed your guard for two beef airlines. Sure. you thought it was Let's Hear. Then you thought that was it and you relaxed your guard for To Be Fairlines. Sure. Zach's... Shut the fuck up. Zach's count for five. How much for the empty egg carton to be mailed to Nina Jankiewicz? Do I know who that is? Is it the girl in charge of the Ministry of Disinformation?

Yeah, she deserves it. Fadix the Great for 20. Thank you, Fadix. As I started watching this anime called Ultra Gun Girl X. I hate you people. It follows the story of Detective Kentsubi Fairchild. Yeah. I suck, Cox.

Wait. Kentsubi Fair. Well, I had to pronounce it differently. Kentsubi Fairchild. You did it again i'm did it again i want to get it right who became a cyborg after an assassination plot now seeks revenge against those who wronged her would recommend you don't need to write the rest after the joke yeah after you get the joke in there well no because they want to bury it they want to bury it within the block of text. You know what they're going to start doing?

What? They're going to start spreading it between chats. Yeah, they're going to... Like, one guy's going to start one off, and then I'll read another one. It's going to be a mess. I want to change your username would be smart if you could somehow make that happen. Fairchild something. Yeah, Kintsubi Fairchild.

Anyway, you hit refresh real quick, but I think that's going to be, hopefully, everybody got everything in that they wanted to say. We got two more. John H. says, TBH, this tube. Jesus Christ, no. No, John, too late. Man, I really hope I get vetoed with this one. You didn't.

Colonel J for five, veto use, use PayPig more. Lots of people to argue with there. Also, please upgrade to Pluroma. Well, I was going to upgrade to Pluroma, but the guy that was going to help me, then he said he'd never help me with anything because I was friends with Ralph. The fuck? Well, okay. Yeah.

I guess it's not going to upgrade. I should be on all the, I'm trying to use the Discord more. I finally realized there's- Discord's the best. I finally realized Discord's the best I finally realized there's a discord inbox That tells you if someone's like Pinged you Oh yeah

I've had discord for four years Without knowing that I don't know where all the stuff is there anymore It's a bizarre program But I will be available Hopefully on the Biggest Problem Discord

Which you can join By joining our Patreon At patreon.com Slash biggest problem And check out our newest Bonus episode The Biggest Problem in Star Wars, also available on the Patreon.

Okay, bye guys. And vote on the problems, please, at biggestproblem.show. We're going to put them up right now after the show. Yeah, I'm going to do that now. Thank you very much for coming by. And next week, I will honor all of you dickhead plus and pedophile pluses. I forgot this week. I bet you won't.

No, I will. I'm going to. I bet you won't. I already know in my head I'm going to make a thing. It's going to be great. I bet you a whole pickle. There's going to be a great little graphic that we put on the screen that says, Thank you for supporting us.

Sounds amazing. Shut the fuck up, all right? It's a weird week. I had to see Doctor Strange. Took up my time. You watch that shit? It was all right. All right.