The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 48

Episode Date: July 16, 2022

Swatting, Rent is Too Damn High, Evolution, Not Supporting Black Businesses

Like, when you look at people, Dick, do their skin normally look neon-colored, you know? Holy shit! There, like, that's a normal skin tone. Yeah. He was, like, bright orange a second ago. You ready? We're gonna spend all day fucking around with colors. I'm very excited. Hey, I don't think, uh...

I love the colors. And the whites. I love them all. I see what you did with that bit. Thank you. That was, uh, that was a bit. I expressed a love for diversity, and that was progressive of me. Yeah, okay, I'll give Thank you. That was a bit. I expressed a love for diversity and that was progressive of me. Yeah, okay.

I'll give you that. It was a bit. Oh, we're getting right into it, folks. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh. Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the Universe! Welcome to The Biggest Problem in the Universe!

The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from short shame to hunger pain. I'm your host, Dick Madison. Joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi. Happy to be here, Dick. Joining us in studio this week is Eric, I forgot your last name. Eric Giswaldi. No, last name. Giswaldi. No. Eric Giswaldi. The long lost.

It's right on his fucking hat. It's right on your fucking hat. How could you fuck that up? You passed the quiz. Eric Escobar is here. You passed. Eric, where can we see you? You know how most people make.

Right here on this wonderful podcast. Like, share, subscribe, everyone. What a great time. Best episode. He knows how to do that. That shows me. I always try to give people their plug at the beginning. Yeah. Because at the end, it's like, who's paid attention to it?

I came with my own plug. I'm pre-plugged for this one. What is your pre-plug? What does that mean? I was doing a butt plug joke. Oh, he's already got the plug inserted. What a bit. You're going to fit in perfectly here.

I'm the son of a pizza. What does that mean? Why? Because he's a gay crack? Yeah, it's a gay. Oh inserted. What a bit. You're going to fit in perfectly here. What does that mean? Why? Because he's a gay crack? Yeah, it's a gay crowd. Audience is gay. The hosts are gay. Everyone's gay, and we love it that way.

Winner of last week, famine. I'm surprised. I am also surprised, because every time I'll be leading the voting, and then the day before Dick goes, you know what? I feel like winning this week. I think it goes in and changes all the votes to win with famine. I think I tweet it though.

And then people find it and go vote. Oh, you tweet, vote it up, go vote for me. Well, you know, it's implied. Because I don't have any Twitter followers anymore because I've been banned so many times. Yeah, because you run your mouth too much. I saw you have an epiphany and you decided that Twitter makes you mean,

and that you were not going to be as mean anymore. I think the internet just makes me mean. You have to be. Because everybody else is mean. You're mean. You fight with love, though. Don't you fight with love? Everybody's mean. Before we started the show, you were watching

Ethan Ralph. Everybody else's fault, but his, right? You're mean, and? You're mean. What a blamer. Suddenly, I'm mean. You were watching Ralph's stream, and Ralph's stream is just shitting on everybody he hates. Vito sounds like a little rage party right now. Am I right?

A little rage party. Hate is the most popular emotion right now. Everybody loves it. It's easy to hate. That's why you fight past the hate into the good. Hate is the only thing that inspires any sort of movement anymore. Oh, yeah? People don't do things

because they're motivated by love. They're only motivated by hate. Oh, I see. Do you think that's true, Eric? No. I feel like this is a very angry way to start off this wonderful time on the best podcast here. What's the name of the podcast? The Biggest Problem in the War Universe.

There's too much hate, and I don't know what to do about it, because they make you mean. Maybe hate is the biggest problem. I think I used to be a very nice person. I think when I started off this whole, like, I'm going to make stuff. You're all bitter now because other people are so successful. No, it's not that. It's that I'm just trying to have fun and everybody else is being an asshole.

You sound like a fun-loving guy right now. Of all the fun-loving people, Vito is projecting the most fun. I am very bitter and angry all the time because everybody drives me fucking nuts. You're all crazy. And every day I got to deal with it. How do you handle your Twitter, Eric? Are you having meltdowns?

Meltdowns? I don't have meltdowns. I retweet something once every eight months. I feel like that's how I don't even tweet. Eric's not a big Twitter guy. You're more of an Instagrammer. I am an Instagrammer. There's a lot of hate on Instagram because it's just fun pictures.

Not for me. There's too many hoes on Instagram It makes me so enraged Oh my god Is that your enrage noise or the other noise? It's both Patrick Bateman their ass Yikes Something like that

Thankfully you can take out your rage On other things Like what? Like your existing woman I don't like that phrasing Whatever the intent of what you meant The phrasing of that was impure What a fun loving guy

You locked one down Why don't you beat up that Sex doll that someone gifted you I lost a fight to a bowling ball, man. I'm not fighting any sex doll. That's true. You're not fighting it. A seven pounder.

The alt tab death spiral came in second. See, this is bullshit. No way. It's a big problem. That's a terrible problem. It's a big problem. What were my problems? And it was done well.

Your problems were third place, height discrimination. That's such a good problem. That should clearly have won. I'm killing me. I don't know what to tell you. The audience is not voting or at least my side of the audience is sleeping and they need to go in and they need to vote on the problems. And Epstein blue balls.

Epstein blue balls should clearly be more is more of a problem than sometimes you press alt tab and you go past the tab you wanted. Yeah, and then you're stuck, right? Eric, you know. Yes. You're stuck and then you miss it and you got to go back and you miss count again

and then you miss count again and you miss count again. An international criminal was trafficking 14-year-olds and you guys are going, oh, I can't get to the window with my... Well, it's so far for the pinky. Oh, my God. I'm not a teenager. I don't care. I'm not a teenager. I don't care. I'm not a kid.

Yeah, so you're fine. I don't give a shit. Fuck them kids. That's what Epstein was all about. That was the whole thing. He had a bumper sticker that said that. Okay, here's the comments. Steve is a 5'9 man.

I can attest to women's obsession with a man being six feet tall. Edit Vito's buy her the fanciest bag line had me laughing so hard. What did you say? Yeah, that joke seems to have went by people. I saw a couple comments like that where I said, remember we were talking about the idea that a short man with a salary,

you know, you could have so much more fun than a tall man with less money. Yeah. And I said, you could do so much with that money. You could, you know, buy her the fanciest bag in the store, put it over her head. He's a nice, fun-loving guy, right? What a nice, fun-loving guy. But Twitter has made him like this. That's a joke.

Wait, who said that comment? Steve. Steve. What was his full... Handle. Handle. It's just Steve. Oh, I thought you were saying someone was five nine

yeah he said he's fine oh he said he's fine i thought that was his name no but it's just he's actually saying his height based weeb says i'm five two and my hatred for society is unfathomable yeah well we had we had talked about the problem of height discrimination last week and uh my short brothers well i'm not i mean i'm not a short guy but I feel like a connection to them for some reason. Yeah, they didn't vote though. I feel short at heart. They didn't vote, that's true. If it's such a big problem you should have voted

and brought it up. I tried to help you guys. You know what, you're right. Fuck you guys. All you short guys, this is the problem. This is why you don't get ahead. Is that you had a chance to make yourself known you had a chance to make this known and then you voted for alt tab Whatever the fuck that means Daniel Ogburn says I'm 5'5 the worst part

Is that all the people telling you you actually aren't short And that the reason your life sucks Is because you're just not alpha Chad enough Yeah So it's your fault Alpha Chad great metal band out of Spokane Washington I will say That's where I was born

I was doing a bit, but that's great. You ever go to Chicken and Moe? No, I was just born there. All right, never mind. And then left there. Alice Z, she says, short people discrimination may be the biggest problem in the universe, but that doesn't mean I'll stop looking for six foot men. Oh.

Wow. What a bitch. I know. I didn't want to say it, but I mean, come on. I hope one of these six foot men gives you chlamydia, Alice, with their fucking fist. Short men will love you right. You know, and you can carry them around. It's a ton of fun.

You can carry them around? Yeah, you know, put them on your shoulders so you can see at the park. Then you're a full-size person. Dress them up, take them to the zoo, pretend he's your kid. Yeah, pretend you get a baby. Yeah. You don't need a family because you have a full-sized person Dress him up, take him to the zoo, pretend he's your kid Yeah, pretend you get a baby You don't need a family because you have a little man One adult, one child ticket, please Exactly

To showgirls The money you're going to save is incredible Conformed Sanity says To be fair, barbers need a license To prove they know how to cut your hair But also to make sure you don't get ringworm From them not cleaning their shit. I guess that was for the licenses.

Yeah, that's why you need to license a barber. I don't know. It just doesn't seem like... Yeah, if you're a barber, you have to clean your tools. We really need a whole licensing system to tell you to dunk the comb in the blue stuff. Yeah. Without the licenses, people just wouldn't do it.

Why? Yeah, but... I don't know. There's so many professions like that. They would just leave the combs on the floor? They would, yeah. You guys are on a pod. Look at the comment section and think of which person commenting would actually

clean a barber brush if they were a barber. They'd have to have a sign, like in the bathroom employees washing hands. Please wash your hands. They would just have a sign that says put your comb back in the barber's side. But you don't have to get a license. You, as a food service worker, each like the business has to have a sign there that says, put your comb back in the barber's side. But you don't have to get a license. You, as a food service worker, each, like the business has to have a license, but each individual person working in the restaurant doesn't get a license. No, it's bullshit that the business has a license too.

Yeah, but if you're a barber, like each individual barber needs their own license, which makes no sense. Yeah, you should have to get a license to get your hair cut, I think. Yeah. Well, it would make more sense for them to be like, I would worry more about food safety than barber safety. No, I'm all about hair safety.

Food safety. Would you rather have a bad hamburger or a bad haircut? You can sploosh in my mashed potatoes, but don't mess up my goatee. Would you rather have hair poisoning or food poisoning? Hair poisoning. Wait, food poisoning. Me? Are you kidding me? I'm keeping this hair for another 40 years.

How often do you get a ringworm from the fucking barber? Maybe that's because of all the licenses. That's why you don't get it. Yeah, okay. I think that's about it. Well, I brought in my bit for a segment we call Voted Up, which I need to make a sting for. Continuing on height discrimination, this is of course the segment where we talk about past problems that you should vote up.

Interestingly, this past week Turning Point's USA ambassador Isabel Riley was suspended from Twitter after tweeting, all short men should die! Oh my god! So height discrimination is real! Take that, you bitch! Real! Begone!

And she's not back, so I don't know if this is a permanent ban. She got dragged down to hell by a bunch of midgets. She should not have said that. Why do you want to kill these short people? Terrible. Pillapodastash over on Discord says, voted up, going back to work, which I think was one of your problems, Dick. Yeah.

Says, I took a week off. I go back tomorrow. Oh, God, I have to play catch-up. Oh, God, I didn't get enough shit done in the week I took off, et cetera, et cetera. Makes the last day a fucking nightmare. Yeah. And lastly, a problem which I love, one you brought in, but I have to say is a great problem. Suction cups.

Right. They never work. And a fan sent us this picture to illustrate. Look at that. Look at how many suction cups are on that bag There's a suction cup in the bag I count at least Five suction cups Only one of them is holding on

I like how they took this while they were in the bath They definitely took it while they were bathing It looks like their kid's toys for the bath They don't work Shouldn't a suction cup work in the bathtub Of all places while they were bathing. It's like their kid's toys for the bath or whatever. They don't work. It could be their toys. Shouldn't a suction cup work in the bathtub of all places where there's constantly moisture and water and suction to apply? It makes no sense.

I agree. Have you ever had a suction cup? If you get something and it has a suction cup on it, what do you think? Have you ever had a suction cup? In what way? That was my old sex toy. You just throw it right in sex toy. Do you ever

find any suction cup related device to actually work? I feel like the suction cup is as good as its user. Because if you're passionate about the lick, you're passionate about the placement, where it goes, that's fine. You got a lick saliva? What do you think, you have a magic saliva?

You guys don't lick suction cups? You gotta wet it a little bit. It's like life. You gotta wet it a little bit. It's like life. You gotta get it wet before you use it. I'll try the lick, but it doesn't work. It doesn't matter. Most dates on Vito kind of go that way, too.

Alright. Alright. I'll give a little lick. That's all I can give. Okay. Well, Dick was the winner with famine. Famine, yeah It's a big problem It is a big problem

It just has nothing to do with the communists Yeah, because the world government is taking over and burning down food processing plants and we're all going to starve to death I am glad that you didn't bring in all the comments trying to lecture me on communism because that was a whole other thing I saved those for voicemail

Oh, you good? There's going to be a lot of us. People were not a fan of you this week. I don't know why. They're never a fan of me. That's the theme of the show. I'm a fan of you, Vito. Don't immediately take it back.

What are your three favorite things about Vito? His suction cups. That's what I call his nipples. I knew that already. I really enjoy his hat. His fun hat. All right, I'm done. We're really reaching.

The only good things about me. Last but not least, the other suction cup. Is it one suction cup one? I have two nipples and a hat. That's the only value I provide. Uno, dos, tres, quatorze. Hello, hello. You've got some merch on your hat today.

I do have merch on my hat. If I turn to Dick's camera, you can see the Vito pin set. This is a Patreon exclusive for my Patreon only, not the show Patreon. Vito, do you like jokes? Do you like jokes? I do like jokes. You got to back up a little bit, bud. Do you like jokes do you like jokes i do like jokes you gotta back up a little bit bud do you like uh do you like pepsi i do uh well pepsi was one of my more popular videos that i put

out each pin tells a story of each story has a pen yeah as we say it's like those natural history museums we like walk through and it's like the evolution the dinosaur evolution or like rocks from different eras small Small, bigger, bigger. It is. Each one of these comes from a different veto era. Although there's no Star Wars. Although I do have the gotcha pin, which is my classic catchphrase. I guess that's my Star Wars themed one. Is gotcha a

catchphrase? Gotcha is my catchphrase. That's his catchphrase. That's like my bit. Shouldn't a catchphrase have more than one word? No. I feel like gotcha is just a word. Everyone's been saying very loud. What's your word? The is my catchphrase. I put it on the map. Awesome. I get so many comments from people

and they go, all I want is more gotcha. Show me these comments right now. I'll show them to you later, I promise you. You can see the comments on Twitter and his suction cups on OnlyFans. They love the gotcha. Gotcha? Gotcha? Yeah, I don't know why. What if somebody else starts saying it? comments on Twitter and his suction cups on OnlyFans. Gotcha. I don't know why.

What if somebody else starts saying it? Do you know Angry Joe? He's like a big YouTuber. Nah. He made a video. He's like a fun-loving guy. Twitter messed him up too. He's got like a million followers on YouTube and he made a video and he put in the exact same graphic

and sound effect. Like, it was like a reference to me, but like he didn't link to me or follow me on Twitter or anything. That's not a reference. Yeah, exactly. I was like, bro. Angry Joe? Yeah, I was like, I guess that's cool that you referenced me, but like, you know, could you have mentioned like, oh, by the way, you know, I took this bit from this other YouTube guy who's smaller than me. Help him out. Yeah, it's not a reference it's a really great reference but that's not a

reference that's a rip-off i think he thought it was like you know we're all youtubers and you know i'm whatever pablo escobar took my bit he was like i'm escobar and i was like that's my bit give me credit pablo like literally the. I would have taken the cocaine actually preferably over him using the name. He used the purple and yellow like font and everything. Like he tried to recreate it himself. I was like, bro, I could have just gave. Well, I'm just saying. But as whatever.

Go Lakers. That's my catchphrase. I'm not mad. Go Lakers. Well, no, you're Angry Vito. I was just like, bro, you got to follow me on Twitter at the least if you're going to steal my bed. But he's ripping you off. Where does he live? Let's kick his ass. I don't like, bro, you got to follow me on Twitter at the least if you're going to steal my bed. But he's ripping you off.

Where does he live? Let's kick his ass. I don't know if he's in California. Well, you know what he did? He got you. He did get me. He got me. He stole my...

I mean, he didn't make it like a recurring... It was like a one... I don't know how many times he used it. I don't know if he used it again. Hey, Jizz Waldy. Gotcha. But I'm not going to say Jizz Waldy because I would give him credit. So he's going to say, hey. I got credit. Why do you think it's a reference?

Where did you get the graphic? I made it myself. Microsoft Paint? In Photoshop, yeah. I think he watched my video and I guess he thought it was a funny bit and then he took it. Well, it's a bit

but I don't know if it's... People love this bit. Somebody else stole my gotcha bit. The other day, somebody's like, hey, Randy sent me a message. He went, is this your TikTok? And I went, and it's some dude who just has a channel where he just steals other people's videos

and uploads them and he just uploaded the gotcha segment. The guy by the name of Fat Jew? No, this was a different... Oh, I know what you're talking about. He released a book of stolen stuff. Fat Jew, yeah, that was a while ago. No, it was just some random guy. Again, they just steal the gotcha bit because it's one of my most popular bits.

His name was just Jew. His name was just Jew. It was actually just Angry Jew. And the Angry Jew is the one. Angry Jew and Angry Joe. All right. Really fighting the V. I love the Jewish people, and I just stopped stealing my bits.

Okay. Dick, you got a problem for me here? Yeah, swatting is my problem. Swatting? Biggest problem in the universe. Happened to me. I'm the victim. What?

You're talking like with a fly? I got swatted by the police and all their big stupid guns. Wait, you're talking about like a SWAT team? When a SWAT team gets you, it's like, oh, I'm getting swatted.

When someone prank calls the police and says, you gotta show up to this guy's house, he's doing a sex change operation on himself. I got very lost very quickly. Tell me the breakdown. You have to actually tell him what swatting is.

I'll give you the small version. You don't know? He doesn't know. Swatting, I initially heard, okay, swat a fly. I'm like, that's kind of annoying. You can't catch him very often. Swatting by the police. So it's when a cop... It's when somebody calls the police and says,

hey, I just shot my wife and I want you to come kill me. Here's my address. But it's your address. And then the cops show up. Then the cops show up because they love showing off. Like 12 deep. 12. I think it'd be hard for a SWAT van to get up these hills up in this neck of the woods.

You'd think that, but they got about 20 up here. Oh, my. That happened to you? It's multiple canine units. Yes, motherfucker. Will you pay attention to this? Sunday. On Sunday, there's two helicopters flying around on Sunday morning. Wait, were there actually helicopters?

Yes. I was on Citizen. People were taking videos. The cops were telling everybody who drove by, somebody shot their wife down here. My girlfriend's out screaming, no one shot their wife. It's me he's talking about. Stop telling people that. I apologize for swatting you, by the way.

It was me. I called. It was definitely me. Do it again, because the attention is great. I'll for swatting you, by the way. It was me. It was definitely me. Do it again, because the attention is great. I'll do it to Vito next time. Wait, after the cops understood what was going on, they were still telling anybody walking by with their dog, like, yeah, we got like 10 bodies in there.

Yeah. What the fuck? So now everybody in my neighborhood's traumatized. That's the worst part. I thought it's funny, the swatting, because I'm an attention whore. Like, ah, this is great. I could talk about this for like a week.

I'm going on PKA and talking about it. It's like a 40-minute story the way I tell it. Wouldn't they look at where the call's coming from? They can't. Using the phone system, there's no way to do that. The way our phone system is set up, it's like all on your honor. You think it would be better? You think it would be better what?

Because the phone system. The phone system was set up so long ago. Yeah, they didn't have that technology. They didn't plan for the idea that, well, in the future everyone's going to be trying to trick the cops

into killing everybody else. Who swatted you? I don't know. You don't know? I don't know. Anyway. Vito's staying very silent during the segment.

It wasn't me because I called up all confused. Although I did call up with very bad timing. You called first, though. I called suspiciously. It wasn't me because I called up all confused. Although I did call up with very bad timing. You called first, though. I called suspiciously. You were the first one who called me.

That's a good point. No, but- Wasn't you? But it was after you tweeted about it. So I was on Twitter. You tweeted the picture that you got swatted. And I was like, oh my God. And then I called.

Okay. Wouldn't it be horrible if someone actually did did that but they just gave the wrong address that's happened oh i'm like five three four and it was like five five five three seven yeah that's happened people have gotten killed over this and the lesson that everyone takes away from it this is the worst part to me the lesson that everyone takes away from the swatting is that we got to make it illegal yeah we got to make It has to be already illegal, yeah. We gotta make this. It's gotta be murder.

It's like, no, we have to stop the police from showing up to everyone's house over anything with all their guns. Yeah. That is a big problem. But the one time they don't, the one time they don't,

the guy's like, eh, I actually wanna... If I killed my wife, I don't want them showing up either. Well, you gotta propose first. I'm fine with that too. You gotta propose first, so you know what? I'm on her side. Where's that ring? Boom boom pow.

I would like an opt-out of all police services. Just block me out on the map, lose my address. If somebody calls in and says, I just killed my wife at this address, and they give mine, they say nah, it skips over. Sorry, it's on the do not cop list. Yeah, do not cop list yeah do not cop list no i'll call up and trick you i'll call and say hey uh i'm actually being attacked right

now by yeah no it is me i own the house and they go sir you're on the do not cop list and i'll say good good that was a test yeah that was a test that was a test you fucking pigs it sounds like what happened is the cops really gotcha! I don't know. I don't know. I'm gonna upload that and say it's my bit. The whole neighborhood is traumatized

because they all think if anything ever happens I'm being victim blamed. Women always say they get victim blamed but really they don't. Prior to this

did your neighbors think anything of you? No. Never. Yeah they're like that's just that guy he has parties sometimes whatever. But now they're like But really, they don't. Prior to this, did your neighbors think anything of you? No, never. Yeah, they're like, that's just that guy. He has parties sometimes, whatever. But now they're like, no. Now they're like, that guy has a bunch of guns and murders women.

Very suspicious what you're involved in. Something is very suspicious. Would you rather your neighbors think negatively of you because you killed your lady? Yes. Or think nothing of you at all? Well, they don't think negatively. I would rather they think negatively of me because I killed your lady or think nothing of you at all well they think they don't think negative i would rather they think negatively of me because i killed my wife not that i got pranked because now they think like i'm bitched out by somebody oh they think you got owned yes

so they go by and they go that's that guy who got so savagely owned by the internet yeah that the cops showed up and fucked with them right exactly yeah that so it's very humiliating and i feel like the bigger problem would be people dying to the cops not your humiliation at being pranked no you're dead you can't be humiliated i feel like you're presenting this problem in not the most effective manner well yeah but the only people who get killed in swatting are like people who deserve it. Like if I got... That's how we could have gotten Bin Laden.

I killed my wife. Come get me. I live at Hutt. I live in the ground. I agree. How come the police can't be swatted? Hey, what's up? I'm Officer Dick Locke. We're from the other police department and it's been taken over swatted. Call up, hey, what's up? I'm Officer Dick Locke. We're from the other cop. We're from the

other police department and it's been taken over by a murderer. Yeah. Dressed like 15 murderers dressed as cops took over the police station and they're in here right now. Hi, is this Long Beach? This is LAPD Metro Station downtown. A bunch of criminals,

homeless people took over the police station, dressed up as cops and they're pretending to be cops. They're just doing regular stuff, but they have us locked in the basement. Cops in cuffs blazing. They're going to act totally normal. It's a fine plan. Nothing can't work. This is a good plan.

You say, blow me, and the criminals will say, what? That's the secret plan, okay? Blow me! That's how you know they're bad, because they don't know the code word. But they're going after regular people instead of bankers, you know. Well, this swatting has ended in tragedy, Dick, a number of times, as you say. I remember there was that famous case where some gamers were fighting online. A guy said, fuck you, here's my address, come whatever.

And then he gave the guy his old address. He didn't even live there anymore. But the guy swatted his old address he didn't even live there anymore but the guy swatted his old address and the cops went there and immediately just blew away everybody in the house yeah exactly the cops said if they did if my girlfriend didn't run into them on the street with their fucking big barricade they barricaded off the whole sides of the street both sides yeah if my girlfriend hadn't run into them they would just come out with a bullhorn like a bunch of uh sand bags and shout at hey come out with a bullhorn and a bunch of sandbags and shout hey, come out with your hands up. We're the police. And I'm like, if you'd have done that

I would have been for sure that you're faking like you're the police. And I would have started unloading from inside. Oh my god. Anyone can say they're the police. I'd have climbed up on the roof. Did your lady friend see them on the street? Is that what happened?

Yeah. So they were outside amassing. Because all I saw was the video and they come to the door, but nothing seems to... Were you talking to them through the door? No, I was already out. Wait, so this happened to you? Yeah. God damn it, Eric.

I'm surprised they didn't... Did they cuff anybody? They cuffed me and my friend. Did they cuff Sean or was Sean not here yet? Sean wasn't here. So they put your hands behind your back, cuff you, and then go. I'm the shy to lay on the street with my face on the street. Wait, did they actually lay you down?

Yes. Why? Because they can't... Because they killed his wife. Are you paying attention? Because they just like... I don't know. They don't... Because they don't have a sense of humor.

Are they allowed to, did they try to search the house to find like a body or something? That annoyed me as well because they said, so can we search your house? And I was like, well, yeah, I kind of want, no, but I have a feeling you're going to fuck with me. Yeah. If I don't say, if I don't say yes. Right. So I just said. What if they did search your house and they legit found like a dead body? Well, that's why the sex doll, I warned them say yes. Right. So I just said, you're like, what if they did search your house and they legit found

like a dead body? Well, that's why the sex doll, I warned them about it. I said, don't freak out. There's a sex doll. And then like,

what are you? No context. Are you streaming with your sex doll? And you're like, yes, that's my biggest show. It's full of cunts. No,

I, you know. That's my problem. Well, I mean, it is. I think it is a problem That you had to let them

Search the house But I get it Because you're like Otherwise you're gonna be there All day right Well that was What annoyed me the most So I'm there in handcuffs

Yeah I'm sitting in handcuffs Right Sunday morning And the cop says You know If this is a prank Like you're saying

They're gonna be in big trouble Because this is a big Waste of our resources Resources yeah I'm like buddy What do you think You're doing with my resources right now? I don't give a fuck. You're getting paid to be here.

I'm just sitting in this yard handcuffed for free. Trying to make you feel better. Yeah, fuck you. I don't give a fuck about your- Well, they're going to be in big trouble, mister. Because they wasted- What do I give a shit? They wasted our time.

Fuck your time. I wish you'd drop dead right here, you dumb bitch. Let me go. Let me go back into my fucking house. Do I seem like the kind of guy that would kill his wife? Yes. Do I seem calm to you right now? No.

If I killed my wife, I would have a big smile on my face, which I do not. No. But it seems like it cleared itself up pretty quickly, luckily. Yeah. How quick were they in and out? Like 20 minutes? No, it took like an hour and a half two hours something like that how long did they look around the fucking house were they opening doors and looking in closets and shit uh yeah took them like five minutes

all 20 of them poking around fucking ass is she in this cabinet no is she in the microwave no where could i take her to the ceiling yeah uh that's uh yeah it's awful and you know what the thing is about the swatting is that it seems to come from internet communities full of people who uh don't do anything and don't create anything don't know how to make how you know like they see other people who are like making shows and having fun like Ralph got swatted at one of those fucking events

and they're like oh we totally owned him and I'm like he's actually out there with a camera shooting shit you're just sitting in your fucking house

like jerking off and you're gonna try to ruin everybody's fun by calling in the cops it's funny though like your event your event is

has a higher level of status if you've been swatted like I am a more important person status if you've been swatted. I am a more important person now that I've been swatted. Sure. So I'm not going to knock it and say it's all bad. You're really selling this problem. I mean, there's parts of it that are good when the cops show up and think you killed people. But it is annoying that the reaction is, well, it's not the cops' fault.

They have to show up under any circumstance. No, they never have to show up, because they never show up for anything else. Never. Never. They showed up quicker than those. If you have a fix-it ticket, if you have a fix-it ticket for like a broken taillight, you have to spend a week hunting down a cop. Trevor's like, well, can I go to the station? No. You gotta go to this special

place. Can I find you on the street? No. Can I call you up and say, come over and like sign my fucking fix-it ticket at my convenience no okay i just killed my wife thank you they show up immediately well that's why whenever i wanted to call in a noise complaint on my uh neighbors i would just say i'm pretty sure they're shooting guns over there and uh that's the only way to get the cops to show up yeah i go the stereo is really stereo's really loud. Also, I think they're just shooting guns for fun. Yeah, to cover up the gunshots. Because the cops are like, well, we don't really come out for noise complaints.

They go, okay. I think they're shooting guns at their wife. I think they're shooting guns, and one of them screamed out, I'm hit, you know? I'm hit. And I think it was a white lady who got shot, which is like the worst thing. And they're like, oh, it's you. And then they get over there real quick. Yeah, would they have been so excited if my wife my wife had shot me i don't think so yeah always tell the cops you

think you heard gunshots it's the only way to get them anywhere yeah okay if you go like somebody stole my thing they'll be like i don't really care i go and he had a shotgun and he was you know shooting it in the air and they're like oh shoot who would be the uh funniest celebrity to get swatted if a celebrity got swatted and you're like this is a good one who would it be seth rogan really yeah yeah because he loves he loves crime and shit he loves crime or mark ruffalo yeah he's He's another douchebag. There's all these celebrities that go, you know, just part of living in the city is, you know, sometimes crime happens and it's just a part of it. It's like, yeah, and you should be pissed about it and try to do something.

No, it just happens and it's fun and it's part of living in a big city. No. Like, I hope you get stabbed. I was going to say, like, Elmo. I don't think you can swat Elmo. You can. The guy? The guy or Elmo the Muppet? Physical Elmo. like, Elmo. I don't think you can swat Elmo. You can. The guy or Elmo the Muppet? Physical Elmo.

Oh, okay. Like, something happened over at the lot in the prop department. Oh, no. Wait. On Sesame Street? He's the only Elmo. I would like Sesame Street to get swatted. That would be a good episode.

Oh, that's a very dangerous street. Mr. Hooper's store. Put some guns over on Sesame Street. Not anymore. It used to be. It's all gentrified now. It is? Yeah.

All right. Is Eric going to go in the middle and sandwich it? Eric, as the guest, we're going to give you the second problem of the day. What is your problem, Eric? Go nuts. Evolution. Evolution. Let me go with evolution.

Think about it, because the way I look look at evolution evolution is just us trying to be more comfortable and do things easier all right that's like evolution human evolution human evolution okay so it's like oh i want to eat some meat let me like make a fire let me burn it and if you think about all the evolution just hurts other people except for the people evolving so the more we evolve the more we lead to just like destruction. If we evolve to our highest point, we like implode. No?

What? Hold on. We're going to slow it down and go back to- I need to get a beer. You slow it down. Okay. So human beings inventing fire. You're going to call that evolution, yes?

Is it not? Well, no, but- let's rephrase evolution to comfort well it's comfort it sounds like you're talking about technological technological evolution i heard a theory okay the reason why we don't uh have aliens and aliens aren't like uh saying hello it's because aliens are afraid of us. Well, they're afraid of us. Maybe aliens are just us from the future time traveling, observing the present. Okay.

Oh man, there was like a point to this. Have you been talking to my dad? Is there like a Mexican conspiracy fucking handbook that they hand down from dad to son that my dad didn't give me? Is your dad talking about aliens or us from the future? I don't know. I'm full Korean. Shut the fuck up, Escobar. a hand down from dad to son that my dad didn't give me. Wait, is your dad to son? You're talking about aliens or us from the future? Oh, man, this is...

I wouldn't know. I'm full Korean. I can't tell. Shut the fuck up, Escobar. No, but think about it. Do you like Mothman as well? I'm more of a... Wait, no, that's Mothra.

Who's... Wait. Mothman. Oh, you like Mothra, you big Godzilla guy? I do like... I got a podcast you might like. Really? Yeah.

Is it called Evolution is Bad? I want to find out if evolution is bad. Okay, let's talk through it. So far, we've decided evolution. What is your definition of evolution? My definition, my, one and a half longanitas. All right, cool. I feel like evolution is us trying to do things in a better way.

Okay. But I think when things win other things lose you're saying whenever humanity makes an advancement something else is negatively impacted we lose something yes you want you want well here i mean i it sounds like you're ted kaczynski right now you're the unabomber yeah okay that's i mean that's a good problem. He got swatted. He did get swatted. It sucks. For a better cause than you got swatted.

It sounds like what you're saying is with the, what is the famous quote? I don't know. To be or not to be. No, the beginning of. That is the question. No, that's not it. Okay, our world is in a bad environmental state. Yes or no? You're saying the industrial revolution has had disastrous

consequences on the human race. That's Ted Kaczynski. In the future. Minority report. With the guys that are psychic? Yeah, three of them. That's what you're worried about? You're worried about pre-crime. We should all be worried about Tom Cruise.

You're worried about pre-crime becoming a problem. Do you think that, like, X-Men is evolution? Ooh, yeah. And that would screw things up, wouldn't it? Because if everyone had powers, then all the powerful people would kill all the non-powerful people. All the regulars. Or there could be peaceful coexistence. Not if I get those powers. People would kill all the non-powerful people, all the regulars. Or there could be peaceful coexistence.

Nope. Not if I get those powers. Mutis versus humans forever? No ground? I feel like people in general are horrible. Just humans are not great. So the more advancements we have, I feel the more not great things will eventually happen. Give me an example. What is an example of an advancement that you think has led to a negative consequence?

Social media. Social media. Oh, one of the, I feel like social media is actually making us less connected. One of those. And isn't that negative? I mean, yeah. I mean, I guess. You get a lot more information.

You get more information You're more More Educated I think people are now Well I think there's more access To education But there's also more access

To Information That I want to believe Opposed to information That's real So now Everyone can find a source For whatever they want to justify

If you're like I don't even Try to find sources anymore. You can just make one up. Just make one up. Yeah, no, I saw it on fucking Forbes. You going to look it up? You don't care.

Forms, I meant. Yeah. I meant Blorbs. I saw it on Forbes. Oh,.com. Harrison Ford. It probably deleted it because it was too much truth. I said Fnords.

Yeah. Fnorbs. Find the archive. What were you going to say, Eric? Oh, I said Harrison Ford. Harrison truth. I said fnords. Yeah. Fnorbs. Find the archive. What were you going to say, Eric? Oh, I said Harrison Ford bit. Harrison Ford. I said Forbes. It's his 80th birthday today.

Oh, that's true. Good for him. Okay, what's another example of evolution that you think is bad? Of evolution gone wrong? Yeah, we have social media is bad. Colonization. Colonization. Colonization.

Yeah. Oh, no. Like what, America? In general. This place seems cool. Let's murder all these people. Go to a lot of different directions. Darker complexions.

Let's see. They did a lot of murdering themselves. You know what? The Native Americans? That is a problem we have talked about. The myth of the noble savage. I think the more advanced we get, the more there is loss of culture.

Loss of culture? What culture have we lost? Native American culture that we just talked about. We still have it. We know all of it. Oh, it's not what it was. It wasn't what it used to be. I feel like more salmon.

Salmon? Oh, because we overfished the rivers? There used to be more salmon. Imon? Oh, because like we over fished the rivers? There used to be more salmon. I love a good salmon. You could have went with like bison, you know? That would have been the salmon. I like a good Philly roll.

And we have Philly rolls because of Native Americans. Did Native Americans invent cream cheese? I really love sushi. The Salish community of the Pacific Northwest. That food we've always had in colonization

played no part in delivering to our shores. Okay, so social media. Colonization. Colonization. What other evolution, which is not... What about love?

Oh, weapons. Weaponry. Weapons have gotten too good. If we didn't have advancements in weapons, guns, bombs, we theoretically wouldn't have major-scale wars. At what point would you have... We didn't have war before guns? We wouldn't have major-scale wars.

Like the Crusades? Well, yeah, but they were a delayed pill. At what point would you have... Like one of those lewds, you know what I mean? It's just slower. Children, you know... Where do you cut weapons off? Where do you go, alright, that's the pinnacle

of weaponry and we stop right here. I would say like, yeah, like katanas. Katanas. Katanas. But then you need to be like... And poison. Poison is not like a- Poison. Poison is not like a new one. Have some of this old meat.

I don't think that's an evolution thing necessarily. What about armor though? Can we have advancements in armor? Because that's always the history of weaponry. It's always been armor versus weapon. Yeah, but like- As armor gets better, the weapons evolve. I feel like armor that doesn't involve armoring of the creases.

What? Like the armpits, the elbows. So you think armpits should always be exposed as a matter of fairness. You always have to have a weakness. There has to be a weakness within the armor. The advancements. Now you can have armored the full body. But before, that would't be a knight.

And if I make a crossbow that can pierce plate armor, you would say... I would say get rid of that bow. It's too much velocity. The velocity we gotta cut down on. The velocity's the problem. So how do we get MRIs and satellites if we don't develop

guns? Just die off at 30. Oh, so none of the good stuff. No. No one lives past 40. Life expectation. Keep it nice and low. Like agorian society. We were happy when we were passing away at like 35, 40.

I don't think people were that happy. The last 20 years suck. You're like, I can't eat cheese because my teeth are too brittle. That's horrible. I think those people spend most of their time being like, like, I can't eat cheese because my teeth are too brittle. That's horrible. I think those people spend most of their time being like, God, I can't wait to die and ascend to the heavenly plane or whatever. Well, you'd be fine if we didn't have evolution.

I'm a big, I mean, the Unabomber clearly had, can we say that? He had some good ideas. Teddy had some good ideas. Could be Teddy Roosevelt. Could be Ted Kaczynski that we're talking about. Could be Teddy Rockspin. Teddy Rockspin had all the good ideas. Could be Teddy Roosevelt. Could be Ted Kaczynski that we're talking about. Could be Teddy Ruxpin. Teddy Ruxpin had all the right ideas. The technological, because we do live in a society where people are starved for meaning.

It used to be you could define yourself through your work and your struggle. Do you know that, though? Are you sure? Am I sure of what? Because they were pretty into God back then as well. Yeah, well, there was... Do you think they had meaning back then? Yeah, but you at least had a bit of an illusion.

You felt like your labor accomplished something. How do you know? Because you had to do it to survive. Your labor would grow the food that you and your family ate. You could grow some cilantro. I have to send emails to survive. Yeah, but no, there's no direct line there there used to be a direct line

between your labor and being alive and providing for your family I refresh YouTube every 5 seconds to see if my Boba Fett video is doing okay and I feel no tangible connection to the money tab you've made it is a good plug, thank you, go watch it

like 250 bucks whatever, I feel no connection to the money I've made $250 It is a good plug, thank you, go watch it Like $250, you know, whatever I feel no connection to the money I've made from it Yeah It's all random and illusory So this is called the biggest problem in the universe Yes But if we go on a smaller scale

And we said like the biggest problem in our galaxy Or in the world Let's go on a smaller scale How many more years do you feel like Earth has for habitability? 200? Like 4 billion. For people to keep living and be like, okay. As long as we don't kill each other, I think we could go for a while.

Even then, you're going to kill everybody? But without industrialism and people, it might be 6 billion. But I think the world is slowly destroying within itself. And you base this on social media. You think we have 200 years as people? No, I probably feel like we have,

I want to say like a thousand. And then what? And then we're no more humans. I think it's going to be too hard to live on Earth in a thousand years. Why? Because we have like, I think California's running out of water. I think in my lifetime, we're going to have like water wars. You can't drink that.

The water wars. It gives you diarrhea. Have you ever tried? Yeah, it gives me diarrhea. You just believe it because the lamestream media tells you that. You can boil it, right? No, we could boil it, actually. We could boil it.

We still might get diarrhea. We saw that problem. There we go. All right. A thousand fives. All right. We got a it, actually. We could boil it. We still might get diarrhea. We saw that problem. There we go. All right. 1,005. All right. We got 1,005. We got 1,000 years left.

We got plenty of water. We got plenty of water. We got water. We got water. We got water. We got water. We got water. We got water.

We got water. What if you boil it? All right. You can go a little longer. Okay. Fair enough. 1,007. 1,007.

Maybe. 1,500. How will the guns look, then, when we have those water wars? It's good. Base guns. Oh, I would love that. I would love a laser thing. Yeah. 1500. How will the guns look then when we have those water wars? It's good. Base guns? Oh, I would love that. I would love a laser thing.

Yeah. Shoot all my people stealing my water with a laser. So the guns are bad. The social media is bad. The water is going bad. And your problem is evolution. Those are all forms of evolving as people. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Cons, what about the democratization of violence? It's not just a king that gets to tell you what to do because you have a gun. You can pop his ass right off his horse. Yes. It gives the common man. You like that. You like the man having power on the ground. Yeah.

The serfs rebelling against the aristocracy. Yeah. We have the power. Yeah. The serfs rebelling against the aristocracy. Yeah. We have the power. We gonna protest this new mask mandate? What are we doing? I'm just not wearing a mask. How are you gonna do it? You gonna go to the store? They're just gonna yell at you. Not me. Well, you're not gonna go to the store? I'm gonna get all roided up. Yeah.

Stomp around. Just take my clothes off. Smear myself with blood and Vaseline wherever I go. In that order? Both not his. I'm going to fight with every store clerk. I feel like the cashier is the one who swatted you. I feel like you're like, I don't want to deal with this.

It's a long list. What's your address? That's what I hate most about the mask mandates is the idea that a cashier has the ability to tell me what to do. Just don't do it. Don't wear one. Yeah, but then they just won't tell me the thing. They'll be like, get out. Nah, be a problem. Start running and knock all the

stuff off the aisles. I've wanted to. Like supermarket sweep. I've wanted to. Every time I got kicked out of a place after the mask mandate ended and I would go into a place and they're like, well, we still require masks. Yeah. I was always like, come on. Vito would go in there without a mask and just be like, gotcha.

No, I didn't. No, I would just leave a nasty Yelp review that said they were racist. What a good use of your time. Yeah, exactly. I would go on there and they told me to leave because I was black. And I just don't know how to prove that. Am I doing my problem here, guys? Yes. Well,

I do believe that swatting is a problem. Yeah. And obviously evolution has been a big thorn in my side. You are the peak of evolution. I am the peak of evolution. I'm the most evolved man. You're the Ozymandias. The hyper-evolutionary. There's a DC character.

I forget what his name is. But I think there's a bigger problem. Tell us. And that problem involves the roof over your head. Dick, my problem is rent prices are too dang high. The rent is too high. Okay. As has famously been said.

Now, call me. Wait, rent prices are too high? That's your problem? Yes, that's my problem. Okay. We wouldn't have. What do you mean okay? I'm just checking.

Are you challenging me on this one? I mean, I just want to know if it's that rent exists or if it's that rent's too high. Well, rent, I'm okay with rent existing. We wouldn't have rent being too high if we didn't have evolution. Yeah, that's true. I will say we would not have the rental process. Shut the fuck up. No mortgages.

This is not an evolution problem. This is a problem of a number of things. Inflation, of course, is happening. Lack of housing inventory. We'll get into all of that. But right now, the national median rent was $1,827 a month in April. That's the national median. That's very high.

One room. For any rent. All rent? All home rent. Mansion and Koreatown studio. Whatever the average is. Yes, I'm sure that includes mansions and shit, but it's the median. It's not the average. It's in the middle.

At the 50% mark. You got the mean. That's the average. Thank you for explaining the median. 18, 27. Shut up. I don't know. That's the average. Thank you for explaining the math. 18, 27. Shut up. That's the median.

That's the median. Yeah, but what is it? The median is if you put them all on a line, whichever one's in the middle. I thought that was the mean. No, that's the median. What's the mean? I don't know what the mean is. That's a good question. So you brought this stat.

You don't even know what it is? Because I don't have the stats on the mean. What is a mean? What's the difference between mean and median? Tell me. I'm asking you. You're the one that brought the... Can we see in the comments?

It's not useful. Is that how it works? I used to remember what mean... I don't know. Are they different? Are you telling me... I don't know if they are different. I thought they were the same.

Is mean and median the same? I don't know who to believe now. I don't know who to believe either. What I will say is rent being... So as someone born and raised in LA, I've seen rent skyrocket. I've paid a little bit. Now the same place is going to be like three times as much. You just moved into a new place. I just moved to Anaheim because I couldn't afford LA because I had to move C.

So you're a perfect example. So you went to Anaheim. I don't know why Anaheim rents are cheaper. It seems like a lot of people are moving to Anaheim. Is that true? Yes. Yeah. Well, my ex-girlfriend just also moved to the area and she also moved

to anaheim flex i got next girlfriend over here i got next in oc train but here's my ex-girlfriend rent is go ahead go ahead eric i feel like um so rent probably in la the median's probably what like two grand maybe out here? What's the mean? What's the mean? The mean is probably about 2K. But I was just in Arizona, Phoenix, Mesa, even Tucson. They're pretty competitive with our rent in terms of the price.

I mean, this is Arizona. No, but you're saying it's like the same price. Same with Idaho. Pretty much. And before, LA used to be very expensive, and you can find a cheaper place somewhere else. Now, you kind of can't really find a cheaper place somewhere else, even out of state. Well, that's the thing. I have other people in other states

and they're always ripping on me. They go, how could you live in California with those rent prices? You're $200 cheaper. And I go, I'm paying $1,500 for a two-bedroom. And they go, oh, that's cheaper than here. And I'm like, well, what the fuck? But that's still expensive. $1,500 for a two-bedroom. I feel like it used to be what like a grand uh 1200 i don't know it used to be

80 bucks it used to be nothing well that's two bucks when i was in koreatown it was 200 i paid 200 a month for rent oh for what a studio or were you did you have room did you have to do closet under the stairs 12 by 3 feet my queen wouldn fit, so I had to put in a twin mattress. That's a big girl. It's true. Instead of a queen, I got a twin. So you just had a closet, basically. Like Harry Potter?

Just like a place to lay your head. Yeah, but it was badass. No, I mean, hey, if you can make it work. I mean, you see some of these New York apartments that are basically just a closet, and they'll end up being like $2,000 a month. Rent has been steadily increasing increasing and the report projects that typical rent could be more than $2,000 a month by August

because rent prices continue to go up. Well, it doesn't sound like it's increasing. It sounds like the rent is evolving. Yeah, it's evolving rent. You're right. Just vote up evolving, you fucking idiots. One problem, one reason for this problem.

Huh? Wow. I mean, every problem is technically evolution. It's like, well, things are changing, therefore. There you go. You kind of got a blanket problem there. Many people who would purchase a home, the prices are just too high, so they're not leaving their existing homes, meaning that there's even more competition for rental properties because house prices are just too high.

Well, and also there are people who won't even rent. They'll just Airbnb. What? Really? They would rather. Instead of renting out their place, they just turn it into a vacation rental. Because you can get through Airbnb. $1,500 a month if you rent it out, but if you Airbnb it, you can make $3,000.

Because a lot of people want to visit LA. So rather than rent your place for $1,500 a month, if you can get people to pay $1,000 a week or even more, I mean, they'll pay $1,000 to stay in your place for like three days. So they're subletting in LA? Well, yeah, it's Airbnb-ing. They're renting their place out as a vacation rental rather than turning it into a rental unit. And I feel like because we're so close to Disneyland, people can charge $300, $400 a night in our little condo community, and people will easily pay it. So they're making a three-day stay, four-day stay, $1,500 in three, four days.

But everybody came into VidCon. Remember, they'd rent out those houses and have parties down in Anaheim? Yeah. And they were paying a huge amount to rent those properties, which normally could be rented out to people. There's a street around here where there's RVs parked in the street, and they rent them on Airbnb. They rent the RVs out?

That's wild. That's absolutely wild. I've thought about, man, living in an RV really seems to be the one life hack that I can get behind. No, Vito, don't live in an RV really seems to be the one life hack that I can get behind. No, Vito, don't live in an RV. I can. I have three cats. That would be disgusting.

But I approve of the people who are doing it. It makes sense to me. Right now, Dick, more than 8 million Americans are late on their rent. That's a lot of people. How many Americans? 8 million. Get them out! Get them out of the street!

That's 15% of all Americans Throw those dickbeats out No you can't say that Lord pieces of shit You say 8 million I say 8 evolution 8 evolution 8 evolution

Alright with this evolution bit That can't be That's what I got here 5,999,000 15% of all Americans I feel like COVID bumped it up too Are late on their rent And here's another big problem $5,999,000. 15% of all Americans are late on their rent. And here's another big problem, because this all plays into

the housing crisis, which is a separate issue. I want to focus on the renter. Who did this? Did Biden do this? No, Trump did this, clearly, obviously. It's always Trump. It's my favorite joke. It's a...

You know, I actually got to do a rectum damn near killed him joke in real life. Really? Yeah. Somebody said, oh my God. It could be the breakdown. Did it rectum? I said, it damn near killed him. And people were like...

They're like, oh my God. It's the first time. And it was the hardest my dick ever was. I pulled the wheel of her car over. From nowhere, fall out of the sky. Boom. There's just a banner on furls behind you.

First real world usage of the rectum. Almost killed in joke. Yeah, two guys on electric guitars. That's a good bit. And you're like, gotcha. I feel like rent is a big issue.

Rent's a big issue. And I feel like it's honestly, it ends up being the biggest problem in the universe because it holds everybody back. So many people, as I've discussed, what do you call it? As I want to? Yeah, I it? Do you want one too? Yeah, I'll take one You know, Rent is so bad They actually made a musical about it

They did make a musical And it was a very popular musical Because everyone identified with the core message Which was, Rent is so bad It will give you AIDS It's not as bad as Property Tax though It's all bad My second favorite musical

Property tax Everyone has HIV in them The problem with the rental price It's one of the clear places In American culture Where a man just can't get ahead What do you mean can't get ahead Somebody's gotta pay the fucking mortgage

A little extra money in the bank every week You just wanna to feel safe. And your rent keeps going up, and it's strangling people, keeping them down. How do you get ahead? Your rent keeps going up at these astronomical prices. Only fans. That's one of the only ways out. You have to find some magical escape from the drudgery of the modern economy. And I think it

manifests, again, in your personal cost. It's just where you live. It shouldn't cost that much. It's a roof over your head. Can't we build an infinite number of these fucking things and just give them away? Well, you're never going to believe what party does not let you build an infinite

number of houses in California. Your pals. My buddies the Democrats. The Democrats are the ones that does not let you build an infinite number of houses in California. Right. Your pals. My buddies, the Democrats. The Democrats are the ones that do not let us build all over the place, including for homeless people. Oftentimes that is true. That is one of the big problems with the Democratic Party is anytime there is a new housing development, a bunch of...

Well, it's not just the politicians. It's the people that live in the supposedly progressive communities like San Francisco and L.A. like we've evolved to a point. San Francisco and L.A. I'm going to finish my point. A lot of these progressive communities like San Francisco and L.A., if you poll them, they'll say, absolutely, we want affordable housing. But any time they say, okay, well, we're going to build it

like two blocks away from your house, they go, well, I mean, not there. That's a terrible place for it. Not affordable. No, I don't want affordable housing anywhere. We can take the bums and drive them to Nebraska. Sure. Drive them to the Grand Canyon. Not affordable for homeless people.

Just in the idea that smaller units stacked aggressively to fit more people. Build them out. Build giant megalopolises. They won't let us do that. They should build skyscrapers. What is that place called? I think it was in China. It was like something city.

Kowloon Walled City. I'm not arguing for a Kowloon Walled City scenario. Why? Apparently they had a lot of dentists. It was cool. It was also a hellscape of human trafficking and body part harvest. You don't know that. I absolutely know that.

That's racist for you to assume that. It's not an assumption. It's what actually happened. We wouldn't have racism if we didn't evolve to this point. Kowloon-Walled City was not a good place to live. It was cool looking, but not a great place to live. What do you want? What do you, as you, as a guy who voted for this, what do you want?

Let's take the politics out of it. We're all friends. We're all grabbing a beer. We're never going to take the politics out of it. No matter what you side with, we can all hang out and love each other. I do want more apartment rental. We should be building apartments at an incredible rate right now. Okay.

At an obscene rate. We also got to focus on decentralizing everything so somebody can live across town and maybe work from home or stop congesting everybody into one city. Most of us could work remote.

You know what would be a great way to do that? We could start populating other parts of the country. Ending entitlements and food stamps that lure in all the poor people. Is that what happens? Yeah. I don't think people move for food stamps. I don't think that's a thing. Oh, really?

Really. I don't think that. We're all heading to it. We're going to Spokane. Most people, poor people stay where they are. Great EBT program over there. Poor people aren't like aggressive like, oh, I'm going to move to this place to get free shit. How did your people get to this country?

I'll tell you how my ancestors got to this country. They didn't come. They walked. When my ancestors came over, they weren't handing shit out. The only thing they had was some jobs and shit. And they're like, yeah, I'll take one of those. Yeah. They were getting a protection job. They didn't even have fucking social security when my ancestors came over.

Your people came over that. You came trotting on over the border to take whatever you want. The border crossed us, actually. We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us. My Filipino uncle moved here from the Philippines and opened up a gas station. See? He's a small business owner, and he deserves to have affordable rent.

Great gas station. Stopped with his welfare queen conspiracy theories. Pretty sure it was at Texaco. Remember Texaco? I do remember. They still have Texaco. They're rare. They had one in Back to the Future, too.

Point is, guys, the price of rent is too darn high, and my problem is evolution. No, wait. My problem is the price of rent. Fuck. You missed it. The price is rent. It's evolution. What happened, Dick?

There was a guy who wanted to call in. Really? Yeah. A secret surprise problem. Let me see if he's evolution. What happened, Dick? There was a guy who wanted to call in. Really? Yeah. A secret surprise problem. Let me see if he's here. I'm so excited. Yeah. All right.

Sounds like my last knockup. You know what I'm talking about? Your last knockup? What? Like with a lady? I don't know. I didn't know their pronouns. Is that true?

No, that was just a bit. I love bits. That's a transphobic bit. You have a girlfriend. You have a fiance now, right? I'm recently engaged. Congratulations. Sorry to hear that.

I love it. I absolutely love it. When are you getting married? We're going to elope. Okay. We don't want to spend a lot of money. Because the price of rent is too high and you can't afford. We've evolved to the point where I feel like eloping would just be the best thing.

Well, you are, I mean, obviously, a big money maker as a stand-up comedian. I'm a moderate money. I'm a low. Big money. You know what? I made $10 last night. It was a great time. Selling out arenas.

It was a really $10 and I drank $50 worth of IPAs on my free tab. Like the Blues Brothers? I don't want to knock the venue. They're good to me. They worth of IPAs on my free tab. Like the Blues Brothers? I don't want to knock the venue. They're good to me. They give me IPAs for free. How hard is it to make a living as a stand-up right now? It seems impossible. It's difficult, but I'm all about you have a lot of little wins.

You just need a couple big wins along the journey to coast. Are the big wins always when you get the uh like the the college gigs the corporate gigs like a college or a corporate commercial a tv thing have you gotten some commercials yeah you've been on some stuff i am the face you're always on hymns erectile dysfunction medication i buy their stock like crazy i love that i love that i am the face of hymns also um i think i'm allowed to talk about this i am also the face of E.D. Hems. Also, I think I'm allowed to talk about this. I am also the face of blue vapes, which are only available, by the way, in gas stations. Eric has a great ethnic look.

Is that a Viagra vape? I am the gas station vape face of the UK. Wait, when you go into the gas station, is there you on the vape box? I'm on the ads. You're on the ads. When you gas up, and there's like 10 seconds of like, hey, here's the UK. Wait, when you go into the gas station, is there you on the vape box? I'm on the ads. When you gas up, and there's like 10 seconds of like, hey, here's the news. You see me, and I'm vaping. The most annoying person in the world. Vape with me.

Hey, why aren't you buying a vape, buddy? Yeah, you're at the gas station. So those huge wins of my career are the way I make it work. See, I always see you on BuzzFeed, but then it seems like you do videos that contradict each other because nobody pays attention to who's in them. Because it would be like, today we talked to transgender women who still have their beards, and Eric's like, you know, it's hard, but I get there or whatever. I just did a bunch of videos.

I'm the last two videos on the Jubilee channel. What is the Jubilee? Like the Jews? Jubilee is like a, it's kind of like a BuzzFeed, kind of like Refinery29, a lot of online content. And I'm so hated. Why? What did you do? I'm so hated in the comments.

Were you talking about evolution, perhaps? One, it was an attractiveness video where they were like, hey, you gotta rate these five guys on how attractive their body is. Only we didn't hear that it was about physical attractiveness. They were like, whatever attractive means to you. So I was like, you seem like you got a good vibe. You seem like a cool guy. I'm gonna vote you number one. And then everyone in the comments was like, it's all about

their body. Their body sucks. You're an asshole. Oh my god. And I'm like, I'm just trying to be nice to people. You are a kind soul. I try to be. Well, it God. And I'm like, I'm just trying to be nice to people. No, you are a kind soul. I try to be. Well, it's all a product of evolution. I feel like because we've evolved to the point. It's all really selling that problem.

Of hate. If there was less evolution, people would have been nicer to you. It's true. Oh, yeah. Hate on the internet is real. People were real nice before evolution kicked in. But where do people find you, Eric, if they wanted to watch your comedy? You can find me at Eric Escobar on Twitter, Instagram, all the stuffs.

Eric with a K, we have to be clear. Eric with a K, that is true. I dropped a TED Talk. I have a TED Talk that's out. Pretty fun. Wait, an actual TED Talk? An actual TED Talk. Or a TEDx.

What's it on? Okay, it's a TEDx. It's a TEDx. I knew it. Don't say you did a TED Talk, cocksucker. It's TED. You have to specify. That's not a TED Talk. No. TEDx doesn. You have to specify. That's not a TED Talk.

No, TEDx doesn't count. You can see it on Pornhub.com. It really is a wonderful thing. Hey, are you there? Yes, I am. Hey, are you going to call in on the show Discord? I don't know if I'm in the biggest problem, but yeah, if you send me a link, I'll call into it. Are you in the Discord? Call me on the Dick Show Discord.

Go to the Dick Show Discord. Did you just call the Dick Cord? Okay, bye. The Dick's Cord. So what's your big stand-up joke? I feel like I recognize the voice on your phone. We had funny interviews there. Don't make people do stand-up on the show.

We're not making that part of it. I made Vito do, I just said, give us some of your stand-up and he show We're not making that part of it I made Vito do I just said give us some of your stand-up Did you do a Santa Claus bit? No I didn't do a Santa Claus bit But my Santa Claus bit always kills My Santa Claus bit continues to evolve I have so many Santa Claus jokes

What's your Santa Claus joke? I just talk about it when I was a mall Santa Haven't I talked about this on the show? Yeah, you have. Okay, what's your stand-up, Eric? It's a lot of stuff I mean Filipino and Mexican. Do a lot of wrestling jokes. I love wrestling.

Are you a wrestling fan? No. Okay. We'll cut in the conversation. Yes. Like Ric Flair. I know Ric Flair. He's about to have his last match.

They have a big pay-per-view called Ric Flair's Last Match. I thought they were doing the roast of Ric Flair also I know Ric Flair. Woo. He's about to have his last match. They have a big pay-per-view called Ric Flair's Last Match. I thought they were doing the roast of Ric Flair also. They are. Ric Flair got in some hot water because apparently he tried to- Raped a bunch of people. Well, yes. I was going to phrase it nicer, but you can phrase it that way. Some hot water.

He's Ric Flair. Of course he- Specifically a flight steward. Attended time. They're not people. Okay. They are. They're not people. They are. They're pretty fly. All right, this is a special guest with a problem of their own.

Tony, are you there from Hack the Movies? Tony's such a fucking idiot. God damn it, Tony, just connect to the chat. Tony seems like a nice guy. Tony, are you not there Well he's in the room Holy shit can you hear me Tell him he's got to turn

Text him tell him he's got to turn his mic on You got to turn your mic on dude Turn his headphones on Turn something on This is what I get Tony's asking me all fucking week Turn your headphones on Send him a that says, turn your headphones on. Turn your headphones on. Send him a DM that says, turn your headphones on.

Okay. Anyway, well, Eric's a good friend of mine. We've known each other for a while. We're acquaintances, but yeah. Okay. I love hacking the movies. Hello. Tony from Hack the Movies.

Fucking ready. Right when he needed to be. So you have a problem for us, Tony? Did you de- I think you opened a private chat with him and then you closed it right now. No, look. Holy shit. Open it.

Send a private chat to him. Why? Because how did you get it? Look, see, you started a call. Start another call. No. Yes. That was 2-4, 2-2021.

Okay, I don't know what's going on. Vito and I started stand-up together. We did do stand-up early on. All the time. Well, I was- Hello. There you are. Are you there?

Hack the movies. Can you hear me? Yes, we can hear you. Can you hear us? Are you fucking kidding me, Tony? He doesn't have his headphones on. Turn your fucking headphones on. What a fucking idiot.

I think he's a nice guy. Oh, my God. You send him a message. We're going to have to. What a show. What a show. Let's see. Two.

Hack The movies We hear you Plug Hello Yeah hi Headphones Hack the movies We hear you

Can you not hear me? Test one Sorry sorry I don't know what happened Can you hear me? You fucking idiot We've been yelling at you For like the past three minutes

It's okay You're wonderful You're loved You're a great person Trying your best And we appreciate you For being on the show Sorry, sorry. I don't know what happened. You fucking idiot! We've been yelling at you for the past three minutes. It's okay. You're wonderful. You're loved. You're a great person trying your best. We appreciate you for being on the show. Can you hear us? I knew it. I fucking knew it.

I'm going to kill Tony from Hack the Movies. I can hear you now. I can hear you now. Jesus Christ! What the fuck? Tony, you've been asking me all week to call in. I'm sorry. My stream setup was fucked.

I'm in. I'm in. All we hear is Tony every two seconds going, can you guys hear me? This would be a lot easier if we haven't evolved to this point. And at no point did it occur to you that we're going, yes, and your fucking headphones aren't plugged in? Do you not have the live stream on? No, I paused it to call it.

I think you're very handsome. I have a problem, guys. Okay, let's hear it, motherfucker. My problem is very important. It's not supporting black-owned businesses. Oh, really? Yeah, Dick, I don't know if you know this, but there's this guy, this entrepreneur, this Eric July guy.

Right. And he decided to start his own comic book company called the Ripiverse. And I think it's actually become the biggest crowdfunded comic of all time. Wow. I believe it raised like a million dollars, maybe two million dollars. I think it's like two million right now. That's incredible. Again, black owned

and one of the artists is a Latinx friend of mine. And I think this is great. Diversity is our strength. But there's this guy. You love Latinx, right? You love Latinx. There's this guy.

I'm not a fan of Latinx. I'm not a fan of Latinx or the Filipinx. This Italianx asshole is telling another Italianx. I'm just saying, I think it or the Philippinex. This Italianx asshole is telling another Italianx asshole. I feel like you shouldn't gentrify a language. That's all I feel. It's important to support black-owned businesses.

And for like the last two weeks, all Vito has done is had a meltdown that this black guy is funding his comic. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Let me understand this. Eric July is his name? Yes. He crowdfunded over a million dollars Two million now

Two million dollars? So this guy's creating a comic You are creating a comic You're both crowdfunding on the internet And he's raised two million dollars I would think you'd be very excited about that No, no Vito can't stand that a black man is making it in america and he

doesn't want to support black owned businesses and he is or no no ever i'm not a racist every single day he's been making tweets just targeting this guy i don't know vito have you worked on your comic at all this fucking week because you definitely tweeted this guy i've been way busy non-fucking-stop is your comic comic about a guy who shuts down black businesses? I think so. Takes away their business licenses? Clan man? Vito, Vito, your comic's pretty interesting.

I mean, it's basically the boys, and it looks like Invincible, but, you know, I really love your back to this. Hey, Vito, your comic is pretty interesting. My comic is great. Yeah, and all you're comic is pretty interesting. My comic is great. Yeah, and all you're doing is just yelling at this guy, probably because he's black. I don't know. You hate that he funded his stuff

and you don't want to support his business. Everyone else on the internet is rallying around this guy. I know, because everyone on the internet is a fucking idiot. Do you hear this, Nick? I love seeing Vito be uncomfortable and he is not uncomfortable right now. You're all fogged up. You're very uncomfortable. idiot it's like dude just just focus on your comic I'm like you know did you work on your comic at all and i'm like why aren't you if you're at least gonna make fun of this guy at least promote your comic i am promoting my comic the whole thing he's like lol my twitter's just for fun it's like hold stop for fun you're crying

every day no you're not having fun vito when you're crying like a fucking loser when i find a topic that i think is ridiculous, I will harp on that topic. And a guy who has never written a comic in his life and his only writing experience is saying, I fucking hate SJWs, bros. We're going to fight the culture war. That's what you do. All you do is bitch about Star Wars. All you do is talk about trans stuff.

Trans stuff is not SJW. Trans stuff is a whole different fucking ball of worms. Yeah, you hate the trans community. You talk about trans stuff. Trans stuff is not SJW. Trans stuff is a whole different fucking ball of worms. Yeah, you hate the trans community. You bitch about Star Wars all the time. And you are not supporting black-owned businesses, which I think is, you know, the people you vote for aren't going to like that. Eric July is one of these guys who is actively making

media criticism worse. One of those guys? One of those people? He's one of those people. And I have no problem saying that. Dick, I know every time I call in, I disavow you, but I'm not disavowing you. Wait, wait, wait. Let Vito respond.

Let Vito respond. These two fat Italians talking at the same time. There's a certain contingent of the internet that is dumb. Not economically viable, we call them. internet that uh is dumb not economically viable they're making media criticism worse by convincing their audiences very bad and stupid things about storytelling like the idea that if you put a two second kiss and buzz lightyear it's going to turn kids gay yeah and when those guys come out and they go i'm making my own comic book it's got no politics and it's not woke. And everybody starts clapping their hands like a gibbering monkey

and they go, no woke politics in the comic book. Oh, I have to buy it. And I'm watching all these morons stumble over themselves to declare this complete loser the next Stan Lee. I have to sit back. Loser? He's got two million dollars.

Lots of losers have money in the bank. Vito, first off, you're a fucking loser. I love you, but you are a loser. And I've given you so much advice, and I told you to stop being such a crybaby, and you take none of it. I'm not being a crybaby. Vito, wait, wait, wait. Dick, Dick, you know what Vito did this week?

What did I do? He released his Book of Boba Fett review. A completely different Star Wars show has already come out and released, and he dragged his feet so much, probably because he was fighting with people on Twitter and flagging them. Wait, hold on. I just want to defend Vito as a friend. He's a nice guy. He's trying his best.

We're all in this room. No, he's not trying his best. He's fighting with people. He is fighting with people. I can both definitely Vito's best. I can work on my own projects while also calling out but you're not working on your own projects i am you're only calling out i put out a bunch of shit this week the fucking boba fett video is a big promo for my comic book yeah and you released it way too late it's not too too late. It's doing great.

You should have put out an Obi-Wan video. I don't think I should have put out an Obi-Wan thing. I think everybody's... Obi-2, Obi-3, Obi-4. I think that once you get a little bit away from a TV show, people want to revisit it now that they've had time to digest it. Oh, that is such bullshit. You drag your feet on everything. Fuck you, Vito.

I don't think you have to be a media. I don't like this negative energy at all. I just want to be friends. Neither do I. I want Vito to be positive. I know. I'm not going to be positive towards these geeks and gamers. He needs to celebrate black-owned businesses and not try to shut down black-owned businesses.

You are making complete trash. How do you know it's trash, though? It's not even out. Yeah, you didn't even read it. I've read the synopsis. What's the synopsis? He can't even write a synopsis. The synopsis is terrible. It's like the worst day of this character's life was today when he met a bad guy who came

in and that bad guy was mean and he had to fight the bad guy. Was it mean or median? It was median. The bad guy was median. That sounds pretty good so far. Then what happens? Point is, I mean, whatever. Buy the trash comic book.

Support every black person who comes along. Absolutely. And you know what? Razorfist did a video about this comic. And Razorfist actually put out a book. Razorfist is also a piece of shit. I don't support Razorfist either. How are you so aggressive with people who are in your industry?

Vito, Vito. Hey, why was I playing my industry? Vito, what have you released? You released a card game? Yes. And what else? What have you done narrative-wise? Vito actually did a show in a basement about five years ago.

Oh, wow. We each did 10 minutes of stand-up. Do you want to watch my pilot from like 10 years ago? Do you want to read my 100,000 page novel? It was great. I make shit all the time, motherfucker. I'm excited when indie guys are doing well. I'm working on a movie now.

I'm excited. They're taking on Marvel and indie guys who aren't trash bags. Yeah. Why do you think he's a trash bag? Because I've watched his channel. It's because it's a black-owned business and he doesn't want black-owned businesses to succeed. No, because all he does is make videos

that are like, there's a gay guy in the X-Men now. Comic books are fucking ruined. Yeah, fuck that. He's an idiot. I want to see a comic with no SJW bullshit. And that's what Ice Tom is. The comic is making Ice Tom. I just want to love each other.

I want everyone to have a good time. Vito, you're a nice man. That comic is going to be such trash. And once it comes out. My friend is doing the art on that. Yeah, your friend's art is fine. He's illustrating the vanity project of a zero IQ knucklehead. How do you know that though?

How do you know? It looks like shit. It's going to suck. Vito, Vito. I can tell. Your comic is just the boys drawn like Invincible. You need to update it. No, my comic is fucking fantastic.

That's a great pitch. And it has nothing to do with the boys. It's not like the boys at all. But how do you know it's going to be bad? I don't actually watch the boys, so I'm just guessing. The boys is great. But it looks like Invincible, and it's a good story. I read it.

You just need to update it, and I gave you notes. Did you attribute any of my notes to your rewrites? Or did you just fight with people? We have been... What do you call it? I have the artist working on stuff. We're updating the character sheets. Okay, why don't you post about that update? I don't know what I want to show yet.

Why don't you kiss ass more? Yeah, why don't you pick something to show and update us instead of yelling at another comic company which is, again, run by a black man. Do you want me to just be a fake kiss ass like everybody else on YouTube who goes, oh, Eric, you're such a genius. You came up with a comic book. Oh, my God. That's so incredible for you.

You're the next fucking Stan Lee. Or can I be realistic and go, this motherfucker has never written anything in his life. His comic book concept is trash. You can just say fucking nothing and release your comic Or I can call out trash because that's my job as a critic Yeah but you don't know it's trash I know it's trash How do you know? Because I've read it

Because I watched his pitch where he goes we're going to change the games for comic books He's not going to have politics You don't even have a pitch I do have a pitch I absolutely have a pitch. Go watch the Boba Fett video. It's a good pitch. No, I watched that video.

It doesn't give us enough information. I got a bit. I got a bit. Eric July, more like Eric September. Roasted. Nailed it. Bang. You're just so jealous.

And it makes me upset because you're very talented. I want you to succeed. I've never heard Tony flip out like this on anybody. Tony's very concerned. I've seen this before in other people where they had a lot of talent. Where's your favorite spaghetti? Where's your favorite pasta?

Vito's comic, I think, can be good. The humor's a little dated. I celebrate every indie creator except for a very specific group of douchebags. The Blackones. The Blackones. Yes, I hate black creators. Absolutely. Oh, my God, Dick.

Did you just hear what he said? I disavow that. That's all it comes down to. Dick, disavow him right now. Disavow him right now. Disavow me. I love black people. I just don't love this particular black person.

Why? Because he sucks. Oh, is he not? Wait, wait. Vito, Vito, is he not one of the good ones? Because he just he makes constant videos about this endless culture war and says oh, everyone's trying to groom our kids. No, I don't say

that anyone's grooming anyone's kids. You ladies in Star Wars comics. You do talk about Star Wars a lot. I talk about Star Wars, but not in the I don't talk about it in the vernacular of like, and we need to stop this wokeism from infecting the next generation. You don't use the buzzwords, but you do the same thing. No, I legitimately address story problems.

I break narrative. No, no, no, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I expertly break down failures in writing from a perspective I'm looking at your videos right now you purposely manipulated the toy of the black Star Wars character to look even

dumber than it is. No I don't think I did I think that's just how it looks. You do that a lot. You're doing the same thing as them you just don't use the buzzwords and you think you're on the right side. I am on the right side. I am absolutely on the right side. I 100% You're at. I am absolutely on the right side. I 100%. No, you're at the same table as me. You're not on the right side.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, that is- I have bad news for you, pal. But I act as a counterpoint to when you say that certain things are good, I say that they're bad, and therefore I'm providing a public service. But what if Eric is just good at marketing and you're not? He's very good at marketing, yeah. What's wrong with that?

Yeah, well, maybe you could learn from him. Maybe you could, like, take notes and stuff. There's nothing for me to learn. What am I going to do? Become a- He made $2 million! He made $2 million! Okay, so what if-

You can learn how to make $2 million! Oh, okay, I'll just be a huge black libertarian tomorrow. I'll just do that. You already are, dude. I guess I should have just took the advice of if you're a huge black conservative figure, everyone goes, let's give him money so we don't appear racist. I'll just be black. Thanks.

You're right. I'm going to learn from this brilliant marketing plan. Aren't you already? Look, look, look. I got it. There is nothing for me to learn from Eric July other than being a huge trash bag and convincing everyone that giving you money is a volley in the culture war

is a way to be successful. People like to give money. Listen, Dick, I think we made progress. I'm not my comic. We went from Vito trying to shut down a black-owned business, now he's trying to start one. I think I've made a lot of progress.

If I tomorrow could be a huge black libertarian conservative commentator with 500 000 followers sure yeah i'd take that i just want to cool video like him in that room talking about like the what your comic's gonna be about like making more personal reason people are buying it is because he made a slick promo video he didn't make sense in that video people buy a lot of shit because of slick editing and filming like have you ever seen any fucking commercial here's what it comes down to if you want to stop disney from grooming your kids or whatever go buy eric july's comic because apparently he's going to change the world my comic that's a good selling point i'm gonna buy that that's cool you should buy it and save the world my comic is going to be a fun story that's all

you get that's not as good it's a fun good story solidly it needs work it needs work going to be a fun story. That's all you get. That's not as good. It's a fun, good story, solidly written. It needs work. It needs work. It can be a fun, good story. It needs work. It's going to be fun and funny and entertaining. Nah. And it's going to be independent.

And yeah, it will be devoid of like woke, stupid bullshit or whatever else. But that's not what I'm selling it on. I'm selling it on it being a good book. Okay. But what about Image Comics? You remember that? Yeah. They didn't come out of the gate and say, we're going to destroy Disney, those clumber faggots.

Yes, they did. Yes, they did. That was their whole thing is we're taking on the industry. We're being held down by the big names. That was a creator's rights thing. If Eric July was talking about creator's rights, this would be a completely different thing. Bro, there was...

He has no interest in creator's rights. He's owning his own company and all the characters in it. They didn't give a fuck about... It was just an ad for them, too! Their whole shit imploded after... I do think they cared about creative rights. No, they didn't care. They all ended up suing each other over creative rights.

They cared just as much as anything. They all left because Marvel would not let them own their own characters or create their own stuff. But here's the thing. We would have never gotten to this point if it wasn't for evolution. Evolution is the big problem, really. Image Comics, yes, was very inspiring and still is and still does empower creators. As a marketing vehicle. No, not as a marketing vehicle.

As a legitimate cultural movement. What this guy is creating is not a legitimate cultural movement. People are treating this like a fucking revolution. If you think this is going to change comics in any way, you're a fucking idiot. It already has.

It hasn't in any way. Two million dollars. All this is proof that you... Two million dollars. Yeah, if you are a popular conservative grifter, you can sell merchandise. That's all this has told us. It tells us nothing about the comic industry. Yes, grifter.

But that's the whole entertainment industry. You think it's run by creative people? No, it isn't the entire industry. Yes, Greg. But that's the whole entertainment industry. You think it's run by creative people? It's run by creators. No, it isn't the entire industry. Most comics are not made by huge influencers. Marvel and DC can take nothing. Successful ones.

Marvel and DC can take nothing from the success of this other than, I guess if we hire YouTubers to write comics, we might make a bunch of money. Maybe. They might. They will do that. Maybe. Oh, they might change their stories and stuff to appeal to them. It has nothing to do with the story.

He's not making money because of the story. He's making money because he is a popular figure. This is just celebrity culture. This is you only wanting to be appreciated and make money based on the merits of your artistic work. Again. Yeah.

That doesn't work in the real world. You're right. there's plenty of creative and i'm not going to i'm not going to sit back and go eric is a creative genius you don't have to say anything no but i can as a person with a brain point out that everybody else is a fucking idiot and i'm the one genius standing atop the mountain, standing atop the tree. I have climbed the tree to the highest height. Now, Vito, you're already proving that you don't know shit about comics because that's the classic comic book villain logic. I'm the right one, everyone else is bad.

You're saying it as if you're the hero because you probably should be writing a comic. The villains are usually right. I am Lex Luthor, and Lex Luthor was always right. Superman deserves to die. Lex Luthor would do Luthor was always right. Superman. Lex Luthor would do exactly what Eric July is doing. Listen, there are assholes in my life that are trying to like ruin my career, trying to make their own movies. And I don't even talk about them.

I just am working on my movie. Why is it? If I did the Vito thing, I would just be on Twitter all the time bitching about this guy. I'm sorry your friend. And never make a movie. I'm sorry that you feel I've insulted your friend who was working on a terrible comic book that made a lot of money.

You're friends with Eric July? No, I'm friends with one of the artists. I just feel like you've got to support black-owned businesses. I think it's very important. You've learned nothing in the last few years, Vito. Be better. What do I need to learn? What were you going to say, Eric?

Oh, something Vito does know something about is one time me and him went to the Cheesecake Factory. We did go to the Cheesecake Factory. And he got the chicken costaletta. You ever have the chicken costaletta? Wait, have you gotten that again? That was like the best order. That was some of the best pasta I ever had. So you ever go to the Cheesecake Factory, take Vito's advice, get the chicken costaletta.

I don't know why it was so good. Wait, Vito, let me just- What do you mean I haven't learned anything? What am I supposed to learn exactly? Let me read you something from this comic. $2 million, Eric July says. Psychopaths, all of you, thank you for your incredible support. They won't stop us.

They won't stop us. This is just the beginning. What about that? Do you not like? Hashtag, we will win. We will win. Who is trying to stop them? That's the story. The story is in the beginning. What about that? Do you not like? Hashtag we will win. We will win. Who is trying to stop them? That's the story.

The story is in real life and in the comics. It's like you're living in the comic. I know. It's an immersive comic experience. If you buy this comic, it's like you're the X-Men. You're a past. Your power is $20. You're a part of the woke corporations.

And they should feel included. In Disney trying to make your kids gay. Yeah. And if you buy this comic, maybe your kid won't turn gay. Wouldn't that be great? Yes. You know what? That's the tagline for Super Killer.

Buy my comic and your kid won't turn gay. Guaranteed. Dino, that is a fucking good idea. That should be on your advertising. And I'm going to- Yeah, go ahead. Dick, Dick, Dick. If you saw a comic and you saw an advertiser for a comic and it said it won't turn your

kids gay, what do you want to read it? Because you want to know what it's about. It like wait were my kids at risk i'm gonna go to every conservative outlet and we're gonna say at the back of every book is a guide to make sure your kid doesn't turn gay and then i'm gonna be just as big complicated no no you already ruined it no you just you just put that quote on the front cover and people will be like what's this all about i gotta check it out like a guy on the front cover with a big gun he's like this guy turns your kids back to being straight right so if the kkk puts out an indie comic i have to support it by virtue of it being an independent production you don't have to support it just don't bitch about it okay don't bitch

about the kkk's comic there's no line at which i can make a good comic. This guy is not the KKK. I don't think the KKK would read this guy's comic. But I'm saying that I think somebody is a toxic force in the universe. You think Eric July is a toxic force because he got two million dollars to sell a comic book? No, he's a toxic force because he tells his audience really stupid shit and he makes them dumber. Vito, people think you're

a toxic force. Stop throwing stones. I am a toxic force, absolutely. And if anybody wants to talk shit about my comic book, they are welcome to. Oh, you say that, but you don't get one negative comment and you'll end up crying. No, my comic is going to be fucking great. It is written by someone who has written stuff before,

not just showed up one day and said, I'm going to make a comic, too, because I hate when there's gay people in the comics. Well, have you written a comic before? Absolutely. Not lesbians, though. What comic? It's called Super Killer. No, no, no, no. What comic have you written before this? But I've written other stuff.

Oh, so you've never written a comic before and you don't like this guy because he's never written a comic before. Well, I'm also not telling everybody. Look, I'm also not coming out the gate saying I need two million or whatever. I'm not starting a whole company. You should. Maybe don't go for $2 million.

I'm saying I think I have the potential to write a great comic, and if you guys want to check it out, you can. Oh, he has the potential. He has the potential. He's saying I'm going to- Oh, don't worry, guys. He has the potential. Yeah, and Eric has said I'm going to revolutionize comics overnight. We're going to show Marvel and DC.

We're going to change the game. He did. It's very slick marketing. And people believed it. He changed the board game. Yes, he tricked a bunch of very stupid people. But he changed the game. He has the capability. Because I'm not a grifter in that nature. I'm not going to lie to you. I barely even know it. What the fuck?

Every fucking big budget, like, summer blockbuster comes out and says it's the biggest movie ever. Do you bitch about them? Like, it's a game changer. It's the best movie of all time. Like, it's a common changer it's the best movie of all time like it's like it's a common tactic you should use it titanic said that and it was wonderful yeah it was yeah movie i have a review for that on my channel but anyway i uh i don't know i don't know the point is the point is support black point is for some reason that song and this show are ingrained the

dna i just call it i don't get why i can call out bad projects like star wars looking like shit if For some reason, that song and this show are ingrained in the DNA. I don't get why I can call out bad projects like Star Wars looking like shit. If I see a movie trailer that looks like shit, and his comic looks like shit. Infinite budget. His comic doesn't even exist, and he made it out of nothing. He made $2 million a piece out of nothing. He spent $200,000 to put one comic together. Is that a lot? That's a lot.

Yeah. It's a huge amount. He did a quick video that really helped you do video stuff. Do a better video. That'll help your comic. Do you even have a fundraiser for your comic? This is not about my comic. This is completely separate.

No, it is because that's the only reason you care. That's the only reason this guy was on your radar. No, he's been on my radar regardless. It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm also making a comic what if he was making a two million dollar if i saw an indie filmmaker it was like here's the trailer for my new indie film and everyone's like oh my god this is gonna change the game this is gonna destroy hollywood and i went this looks like a complete piece of dog shit is it wrong for me to say that just because he's an indie guy well no if you were making an indie If you were making an indie film, that's the only reason you would say that.

Because you have horrible jealousy. His comic looks like shit, and I know that he is a very unintelligent person. And that is why the comic is fucked. By the way, how does it feel that no one is agreeing with you? Like, everyone agrees that you're just being outwardly jealous. That's fine. Because I know I'm right. You start to think maybe you're the problem.

What am I the problem of that I don't like this guy's comic? It looks like shit. Just work on your own comic. Okay, I will never have an opinion on a piece of it. Stop attacking other people for actually succeeding. Stop having opinions on independent media. You're one of those guys that's like,

I could do it better, but I won't do it at all. I am doing it better right now This is like when Roger Ebert made a movie And it sucked That's what he's doing That movie is kind of fun That is Eric Gilles' comic It's literally a guy who has never made anything before

Making trash What sucks about this black guy Who's like flexing And this lady And like a guy in a hood. It's just basic bitch superhero stuff. It's a guy with powers and he's going to fight a guy in a hood. That's SJWs.

He's got a nice little T on his costume. Tell me what appeals to you about the story. What about the story intrigues you so much? Like he's a black guy and he looks like he'd show up on time. No, no, no. Do it without describing. Tony, you've read the synopsis. You've watched the videos.

What is so intriguing about this story concept to you? Like, SJWs are just exciting. And everything. And I want politics out of comics. But that's not about the story. That's just, you don't want, there's plenty of comics that don't have politics in them. He does have a good beard.

You could just go read those. He's not doing anything new, and he's pretending like he is look he's got this this diamond cross above his wiener yeah he's like a christian superhero it's great what's wrong with that are you gonna yell at miss marvel for being muslim now like what's wrong with that he's a black guy and he's wearing spandex and his dick i do think miss marvel is a little like all right i get it she's muslim you know like it's always over the top come on well i do think Ms. Marvel is a little like, all right, I get it. She's Muslim, you know? It's always over the top. Oh, wow. Come on.

I do think that is like, what other characters wear their religious garb? I think it is kind of silly. She's saying, not to mention I think the hijab is a symbol of oppression. There's actually a character in DC Comics that wears like a Jewish shroud that's part of the superpower.

Let's go around and all say an affirmation about everyone. Okay, all people. We're wrapping it up, Tony. And we're doing it with Eric's thing here. It's Tony around and all say an affirmation about everyone on the cast right now. We're wrapping it up, Tony, and we're doing it with Eric's thing here. It's Tony, right? Tony's on it. Why don't you say a nice thing about Vito, and Vito, why don't you say a nice thing about Tony?

I did say plenty. Vito, you're very talented. Do you see how he tried to get out of it? Right away, he just tried to get out of it. Knowing it's a bit on a comedy show, he still tried to get out of it. But he ended on he thinks Vito is talented. Vito, what do you like about Tony? What do I like about Tony?

He's got a great stick-to-it attitude. Feels a little backhanded. I'll take it. Just like Eric July. I'll take it. He sticks with what he does, and he gets it done. I think this guy has a... Never misses a week.

Tony never stops doing whatever it is he's doing. You're a passionate hustler. That's true. And respect deserves respect. He keeps a schedule. That's good. And now both of you, Vito and Tony, give an affirmation.

About me. Tell me something good about myself. Tony, look, we're just fucking around. You're not fucking around. You guys are both... You're heated at each other's Italian throats. No, I don't give a shit. Tony, I love you.

This was tough love. This was tough love. And stop being a crybaby bitch. It also doesn't really matter. This is Ragu versus Rouse right now. I guess the question is, what am I supposed to do? It's a Cleto fight, all right? Am I supposed to endear myself to everyone?

Like, Ovito's everyone's friend and he applauds. No, I'm a cantankerous piece of shit. Like, whatever. No, you're not cantankerous. No, it's not as funny when you're noticeably upset and jealous. It takes the fun out of it and it becomes sad. But I'm not jealous because I'm not a big black libertarian. I'm jealous.

There's nothing for me to be jealous of. You said you like to stick to an attitude. He loves your talent. That's all. There is no universe in which I could do what Eric July does because I'm not a black shield for conservatives. Okay?

I think he made it on his own merits. And I don't want to be either. I think he made it on his own merits. I'm jealous of white people who are given what do you call it? I'm jealous of other fat white guys. If I see a fat bearded white guy who's doing better than me, yes, jealousy can set in.

So Boogie, you hate Boogie. I agree. Boogie is not having any success. I feel like Boogie's a nice guy. Boogie's a bad guy. He shot at a school. He shot at a school. He's trying to keep it up with him. He tried to shoot an unarmed guy

And fired in the direction of a school He shot a school to warn him away And he has big horse teeth We're all dealing with trauma I like Dick's haircut Anyway whatever I've been posting shit on Twitter It's funny to me

And if you don't like it Dick here's an affirmation. Your Twitter is great. It's hilarious. It cracks me up. You're definitely having fun. Dino's is bitter and jealous. No.

No. I'm just watching people throw their money at a moron, and I think it's hilarious. Keep it in. You think this July guy is a big old troll, and at the end of the day, he's just going to be like, gotcha. Gotcha. I think he's a stupid individual. Whatever.

Let's keep it nice and positive. What if you just try being a grifter for a month, honestly? Yeah, you'd probably be good at it. You know all their tactics. It's too late for me to be a grifter. But what if you try it? I wouldn't like it. I can't lie to people that much.

I really can't. That's my biggest problem. What are you talking about? You've been lying this whole time saying you're not jealous. If I was a better liar and I could do like a quartering style thing where I pretend to be mad at media every week, you know? You're mad at all the same stuff quartering is mad about. No, no, no.

Quartering's not even mad at that stuff. I know he's not mad at that stuff. Wait, now you're mad at, wait, wait, you're mad at another successful businessman who started a successful coffee company? I just said I can't do what he does. I can't every day pretend to be mad at three individual things that people sent me that morning.

Yeah, I'm pissed about that thing too. I'm just not pissed at that much stuff in a day. Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, I have a question for you. Yeah. Where have you had your favorite fettuccine Alfredo? I don't know.

My dad's Italian. He probably made my favorite. I don't go to restaurants to eat fettuccine Alfredo. I don't know. My dad's Italian. He probably made my favorite. I don't go to restaurants to eat fettuccine Alfredo. I'm sorry. We all love fettuccine Alfredo. We all love each other. A good white sauce is always a good time. Tony Fester call it.

I'm just trying to go hack a fucking movie. I thought it was fun. This is the best Friday night I've had in a long time. Let me put it this way. I love everybody. I don't like Eric Gilean. That was fine. This is the best writing I've had in a long time. Let me put it this way. I love everybody. I don't like Eric July and that's fine. I don't have to like him.

If Eric July was a pasta, what pasta would he be? Would he be a ziti? I think it's a stupid eggplant parmesan. Would he be an eggplant parmesan? Not a lot of positives to a good eggplant parmesan. I think Eric July is an idiot. I think his comic looks fucking stupid. What if it's great?

His pitch for the... Maybe it will be. I'll review it. I love this open-minded attitude. I'm not paying $40 for a comic, but if somebody sends me a copy, I will read it. I'll send you a copy. Okay. Now you're going to legally pirate this comic?

Absolutely. If it gets scanned, I will read the scan. I'm not paying $40 for it, but I will be 100% objective. And it's very possible that he hired a good editor who somehow managed to take his sloppy, crappy outline and form it into something that matters.

But as of now, this is a basic bitch superhero story. It's not creative or interesting because he is not a creative or interesting individual. You can't be creative and interesting and be popular. You can't. No. Hey, Tony, do you like Lumpia?

No. Yeah, you are an asshole. There you go. Thank you. You're horrible. Get out of here. Any independent creators who want to promote their books on my channels, let me know. I am starting my own little indie comic.

As long as they're white, right? As long as they're white. Jesus Christ. Okay, bye, Tommy. Blacks. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. save the voice notes for... Well, that was a 40-minute... Yeah. I don't want to keep Eric too long. Eric, do you want to get out of here? I'm having a great time.

Actually, tonight I'm going to ride Rise of the Resistance tonight. What time? Park closed at midnight. So I figure I can probably get back around 11, hop on, short line. What is that? If you ever need to duck out early. He's got to go to Disneyland to ride Rise of the Resistance. No, I don't need to go. I'm trying to get there at like 11.50.

Okay. So we can stay as long as. Sounds good. I'm going to try to ride that in a smuggler's run. Why? Do you have a pass to get into Disney? So I got a key. So you get reservations.

I had a reservation this morning, but I'm going to go tonight and ride some rides. Oh, okay. Interesting. I love Galaxy's Edge. It's a good time. Because of the rides? The rides are great. I love Galaxy's Edge. It's a good time. Because of the rides? The rides are great. They got a cantina. One of two places you can get alcohol

in Disneyland, which is very exciting. They have blue milk. They have green milk. What's the blue milk taste like? The green milk is more citrusy. The blue milk is less citrusy. Is it milk? It's like a smoothie. It's a smoothie. They call it blue milk, yeah. Okay.

They call it blue milk, though. They call it blue milk. Okay. We'll play a couple voicemails, and then we'll do super chats. So load up those super chats. Load them up. If you have something to say. If you need to tell Vito that he's being a little bitch. I think Vito's a handsome man.

What if I fund a comic? I would support it. What if I get three million bucks for a comic? I think you have good ideas ideas and you're a writer. I'm going to make it a bad idea, though, on purpose. I even support some of those guys who I don't agree with their politics, but I know that they can write and they've put in their time. You know, Ethan

Van Shiver? Yeah. I disagree with that guy politically 100%, but I know he's a comic book pro. I know he can draw. I know he can write. Is it Cyber F Slur comic? Cyber Frog? No, not Cyber F Slur. Oh, it's Frog? Yeah, it's Cyber Frog. Oh, I thought I misheard. I cybered a frog one time.

So that guy, even though I hate his political stuff, I still support him because I go, this is a guy who, when he says, I'm going to fight with the mainstream and I'm going to establish an independent space for comics, I go, yeah, because you know what you're doing. I thought it was a guy that butt-fucked other guys through the computer with like- The cyber fucker. Yeah. Not fucker. Yeah, I know what me yeah, why are there so many comic voice you know Eric July made a million dollars on a comic by saying

Superhero comic book no gay shit. Yeah, that's that's it and that's funny and reddick can't call him a nazi because he's black probably isn't gonna be good though but whatever there you go even the people buying it who support it no probably not gonna be good thank you okay vito when we complain about politics in comic books, it's because we want to see Batman break some guy's skull, not, oh, Robin is trans and Bruce Wayne saves the day by donating all his money and Iron Man's replaced by a woman. That shit's just lame. Sure. Bad guy, good guy in stupid costume beats a bad guy. I want to make the point that you can get that right now. Sure. Bad guy, good guy in stupid costume beats the bad guy. It's not.

I want to make the point that you can get that right now. There's so many independent people making comics that are that. Oh, really? I don't. Yes. There's an entire indie scene that is making not woke whatever comics. When you say. So like the fact that everyone's like, this has never happened before.

No one has ever done this before. I'm like, yes, they have. They've been doing it for the past several years. Eric has not changed the game suddenly. Yes, I have. It's just you. Well, you are. That's true.

He's evolved the game. You should make a comic, Eric. I would love to make a comic. I'm going to call it Penis Games. Like the Hunger Games? Yeah, the penises and their little swords. The kid who survives gets fucked? Oh no

No, they fight with their penises Their wieners? Yeah And then they like dock and it like eats it Oh yeah, that sounds good Yeah, everyone's gonna read that one My nephew came up with a superhero that he calls Strong Wiener He's five

Let's clarify I really hope he's like 43 And he's like my nephew he's like my nephew. He's like, yeah, I'm a guy. I'm a superhero. I said, what's your name? He goes, Strong Wiener. I said, Strong Wiener. He goes, yep. Did you ever read Axe Cop?

Yeah. That was just a guy who went to his nephew and he's like, give me anything. And the guy's like, there's a cop and he has an axe. He's an axe cop. You should do that. That guy, I think, runs Babylon B now. The axe cop guy. Babylon B? Really? No. No axe cop guy. I thought he was, like, super

liberal. No, I think he's, like, super conservative. Really? Yeah. Now you're speaking my language. What do you feel about the SJWs taking over comics? He probably hates those SJWs. He thinks they're too evolved. And look, I hate the SJWs too. I think it's just...

Oh, here we go. I don't know, man. I'm exhausted by the culture war, and I'm exhausted by the fact that people are still like just willing to give their money to anyone saying they're going to change the game in some way. The game's not going to change. You're still going to have a bunch of stupid gay shit in comics.

So you don't like all the culture war stuff? No. You should change the game. I am changing the game. I am changing the game at superkiller.org where you can sign up and get a real comic. Okay, here you go.

Dick, fuck this Vito motherfucker, but god damn. Go on. God, fuck your dick for this. You're 38. You're 39. Fuck it. I don't your dick for this. You're 38. You're 39.

Fuck it. I don't care. What the fuck? Tell him to stop being a goddamn liberal. It's his fault for not accepting the libertarian conservative way. Jordan Peterson. God damn it. What the fuck is it?

Who is this guy? A drunk? Wait, dick. Please suck his dick and tell him what the fuck to do. I'm not going to suck his dick. Okay. I love you, dick. This guy is a friend of yours, I guess.

Wow. That's the guy buying Eric July's comic. I guess so. More like Eric December. I'm going to run once everybody hates his comic, I'm going to do a campaign where you can, if you provide me proof that you've burned his comic, I'll send you a free copy of Super Killer. That's way too much.

That's how I'm going to... They're going to have to buy it in order to burn it. Yeah, no, they're going to buy it and then they're going to read it and they go, you're right, I was tricked. Vito was right. Vito, you can't burn a black comic. Yes actually supporting it. Yeah, no, they're going to buy it, and then they're going to read it, and they go, you're right, I was tricked. Vito was right. Vito, you can't burn a black comic. Yes, you can. No, you can't. Put on a fun hood while you do it.

You can't burn a black Christian superhero comic. I promise you, you can't. The best way to avoid the flames is to put on a hood to protect yourself, and then take a photo as you burn the comic and get a free copy of Super Killer Issue 1. It's all about the art, Ovi. It's all about the art. Well, guys, what a great show. We've got a couple super chats here.

These are people who have sent us a small donation during the show. But if you've been listening to the show up until now, don't forget to vote for The Problems at biggestproblem.com. And send more super chats now. Send more super chats now if you need to call me an F-slur or whatever it is. That won't get through the filter, sadly. Send that money. And also bonus episodes available at patreon.com slash biggest problem.

Fork it over. If you do 20 or more, I will send Vito to touch your pee-pee. I do not agree to that at all. Tyler Carrott for 10,999. Everyone is a gay and I do not agree to that at all. Tyler Carrott for $10,999. Everyone is a gay and I love it that way from Vito. That is what I say. David Gomez for $20,000. Vito. Big 20. Vito talking

world government made me realize how some people literally live in a fantasy world where someone in India or Russia has enough in common with a libertarian in California. No, he's Mexican. I'm being her. I can say it. I'm Mexican. I can't say it. A libertarian in California. No, he's Mexican. Beaner. I can say it. I'm Mexican.

I can't say it. We're the libertarian bean gentlemen in California, like me, to live by same laws. Yeah. I do live in a fantasy world. Rare estate cubes for five. Best way to start a weekend, listening to three neckbeards argue about nothing,

yet here I am giving you money. Shout out to Liquid Richard. Hack the movies for five. Vito is known for flag out to Liquid Richard. Hack the Movies for five. Vito is known for flagging. Swatting is the next step for him. Thank you, Tony from Hack the Movies. Everyone subscribe to our good friend Tony from Hack the Movies. David Gomez for $6.69.

I'm drunk and Vito is a fat, lazy R. So here's some more money because I can afford it and Vito can't. Oh, wow. YouTube censoring sucks. I had to edit a lot. Oh, could you not get an R through? You had to put it in quotes. You couldn't spell it fat? Or drunk? Yeah, did they not let you say fat?

He put it as fat. Thomas Jake, 71 for 5, haven't listened to the podcast since 7 years ago. I think the 66th episode. Did Maddox Roe B and start eating cereal again? Sixth. I said it fine.

Papa Smurf for two. Yo, we could convince this guy into anything. Laughing my ass off. Evan Like for five. For fuck's sake, your problems are subsets of Eric's. You're going to lose heart. Thank you, Evan Like. Evolution is just every problem.

That's why it wins. If Evolution wins this episode, I'm gonna be You're gonna be all bitter like you were out there. You're a fun-loving guy. You're a fun-loving man. Stage 0 for 2. B. Nope. Almost got me. Yeah. But nope. Stage 0. Reach 6,000 subscribers. Woo!

Turbo garbage for 5. Mean is average. Add it all up and divide by how many things there are so mean and average are the same thing yeah no the media oh wait yes median is put all in a row in order and pick the one in the middle thank you 10 seconds for five thanks vito for voting in rent to sky high prices then having the gall to bitch about it like your shit doesn't stink yeah oh fuck yourself i fuck yourself. I didn't do this. It's a lot of complicated factors. This isn't a Biden thing.

No, it's a Federal Reserve thing. Okay. And now the Federal Reserve is going under Trump as well, right? Woodrow Wilson. It's Woodrow Wilson's problem. And I didn't vote for him. Fat X for two says, Vito hates the blacks. Confirmed.

I love the blacks. I love all black people. You forgot this one. Glenn Lentz. Glenn Lentz for five. Glad I finally get to watch the show live. Another great show, guys. Evan Like for five. Vito going with the old Lord of the Rings Fear of a Black Elf problem on his

comics issue. You haven't read the finished product yet. Vote it up. I've read this. You can critique trailers. You can critique previews. I've seen Eric's stuff and I know Eric as an individual and based on what I know, it's going to be a dumpster fire. You were all pissed off at people who said

that Lord of the Rings black elves were dumb. Because it's not that they're saying just the existence of a black elf is dumb. Yeah. You're saying the existence of a black Christian superhero, libertarian superhero is dumb. No, I'm saying a black Christian libertarian superhero written by Eric July is dumb. Well.

Because he's dumb. And I wish him all the best. Drunken Atheist, studio for five. I've supported a few Comicsgate books, but Eric's looks like it's pitched to conservative Christians. Comicsgate was about taking the politics out. Thank you, drunken atheist. Wait, is this a lady? For agreeing with me.

No, drunken atheist is a buddy of ours. It is? Yeah. Looks like a lady in the picture. I mean, he's got hair, I think. It's like a mannequin. Okay. Oh, is that like a, yeah, it's just a.

What is a lady in the picture? He's a cool guy. I like that guy. Fadix the Great for five. Vito the morbidly obese starving artist who wouldn't compromise on his principles. What a hero. I am a hero in a way. That I'm not just out here. I could be grifting so easily. It would be

so easy to be one of these channels that just every day is like, you know, white people are really the real victims in every possible scenario. You couldn't do it. You couldn't do it. Well, I could force myself. I would put a gun in my mouth. I would put a gun in my mouth. You couldn't do it. Well, no way. I could force myself. I would put a gun in my mouth. No way you could do it.

I would put a gun in my mouth. You couldn't do it. Do it for one month. No, it's too much. I can't handle it. You're right. You can't do it. It would eat me up inside.

I don't know how it doesn't eat these guys. Well, it doesn't eat these guys up inside because they're literally that dumb and they believe all this shit they're saying. No, it isn't. Disney's not grooming your kids and making them gay or whatever the fuck. Yeah, they are. Disney's making them gay. It's all a gross oversimplification.

Star Wars is not bad because of a magic feminist agenda. It's just bad because the writers fucking suck at their jobs. Because the woman was in charge of it. That's not a fact. Gotcha. Gotcha. Evan liked for five. Can we end this lover's quarrel between Tony and Vito already?

I want all host problems in time to be fairly respected. I like this guy. Fair enough. John Fertus's vote up Vito's Twitter account. That is a good idea. Turbo garbage for 20. I agree with Vito that it'll be terrible, but also Vito's being a big baby. Why is everyone agreeing with me that the comic's going to suck, but I can't say anything

about it? Because you're a big baby. Just because I also have a comic? Hit refresh if there's any other ones. That's Australian 20. It's not actually 20. Well, I don't know. I can't do the conversion, so I just have to say 20. You just have to say Australian 20. It's not

really a 20. Well, how much is 20? It's not close to 20. You see the euro has fallen so hard. I had a guy in Europe, a buddy of mine, and I was like, can I pay you to do 100 bucks to do this? And he's like, how about you pay me 100 euros? Ha ha. And I was like, ah, you cocksucker. Because at the time, the

conversion rate worked out for him. And now I'm like, hey, I'm glad I agreed to pay you in euros, you dumb shit. He's like, god fucking damn it. Let's see. We have Umpty Madu for five. You can't burn a black comic. Man who encourages burning Armenian books. That's true. You burn all sorts of Armenian periodicals, dick.

Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. But not the blanks. Leave them be. Spook horse for five. Vito was more racist than I expected him to be. What kind of a horse? Hold on.

He almost got me, though. He almost got me. He almost got me. Very good. And if you had not interrupted me, I might have got there. No, I. He almost got me. He almost got me. Very good. And if you had not interrupted me, I might have got there. No, I saw it ahead of time. So real quick, are you going to Dwab Winkler? We are going to Dwab, yeah.

So I read this, and I thought he was talking about comic comedian, and I was like, hey, wait a minute, but read it. Yeah, if his comic is better than Dog N-Word and yours isn't, I'll be deeply disappointed. Dog N-Word and yours isn't, I'll be deeply disappointed. Dog N-Word is an actual comic that people have been telling me to read. I thought he was comparing me as a comedian to a Dog N-Word. No. I was like, this is maybe not nice.

Thankfully not. No. But thank you for your $5 of America. And Matt M for two says, Stuttering John would be a good guest host. Stuttering John lawsuit. Not Stuttering John. Stuttering. But Stuttering. He spelled it with a sexual dynamo. He's a

stud. Stud during John. Stuttering John. Well, Dick, if you could put up a graphic on the screen. Stutter John. Real quick, if you could pop a graphic on the screen for me, Dick, because I want to thank all our biggest supporters, the Dickheads and the Veto Files, for supporting the show

at patreon.com slash biggest problem. Don't forget to check out our most recent bonus episode, The Biggest Problem in America, July 4th Spectacular. Yeah, if you're not supporting the show, then fuck you. Yeah. If you're giving Eric July $40 for a comic

and you're not paying me for this delightful podcast with some of the best guests, including the great Eric Escobar. Eric, where do we find you one more time? You can find me at Vince McMahon on Twitter. You are the worst at plugs. You are just terrible at this. That's where I'm at. Tony Khan is my Instagram, and Vito Gisvaldi is my MySpace.

All right. Well, I'll put all this in the description of the video so you guys can find Eric Escobar, who does stand-up all around LA. Doing stand-up with Vito pretty soon. Are we? We'll figure it out. You're going to figure it out. Eric's a stand-up We're going to do some more. And I was talking to Josh Denny. He wants to do more stand-up.

He's trying to get a venue. I hope no black guys come in there and get successful. No, no, no. He's going to be on his best behavior. I was actually on Josh Denny's podcast the other day, if people want to listen to that. No, he, you. What am I going to do? I love the black community.

I love all black people. Until people come along and they go, well, you could learn a lot from this gentleman and are literally telling me just become a black person and then you could do it. I can't do it. I can't become Eric July. There's nothing for me to learn from his success. You know what Denny's favorite local 24-hour diner is?

IHOP. Norms. Norms. Oh, really? I actually have no idea. I think that was a Denny's joke he was going for. Right turn, right turn. Roscoe's it would be. Not Josh Denny. No, I don't feel like he's a Roscoe's guy. Oh, I bet he is. Are we calling?

No, Josh Denny is a scholar and a gentleman. Roscoe's is great. It's also black. It's very black. Yeah. Josh Denny? You don't think he would love Roscoe's? Oh, you haven't eaten at Roscoe's?

I've never eaten at Roscoe's. Roscoe's is fucking amazing, dude. You know what? I feel like it's a little overrated. It's a little overrated. The prices are crazy. Isn't there a competing place to Roscoe's? For $20, I'm not getting...

Oh, my God. What a show, everybody. What a show. I love you. I love Josh Denny. I love... Thanks for everyone for coming by. I love Roscoe's.

You think Roscoe's overrated? Why do I have to like Eric Gillespie? Can I not like some people? They have a better to go menu than a guy in the menu. There's people you don't like. Your whole show is based on not liking a guy. Let me not like a guy. Is he a black guy?

No, he's Armenian. Oh, okay, that's fine. Yeah, that's fine. Alright, goodbye everybody. Patreon.com slash biggest problem. Love you guys. Superkiller.org Hey, Vito

Gotcha Where can they get their pins? You can get a pin set if you join my Patreon at patreon.com slash the Vito show and send me a message patreon.com slash Vince McMahon They were the holiday gift though so if you want to get them they were technically

How much were they? How much did I pay per set or whatever? How much did you charge people? I haven't sold any yet. Oh, you just gave them away? As holiday. Yeah. Anybody who supported me for like six months out of the year at like the $15 tier.

Oh, let's do that. That'd be cool. Well, you want to make pins for the show or something? Yeah, and my show. Yeah, yeah. You just go pins galore. Pins, pins, pins, pins. Yeah, they're great.

Pins, pins. Yeah. And basically, if you supported me. So basically, now I'm selling them because I'm like, well, I don't want to give them away. It was a present for people who supported me. But if you support me now and also want them,

but then there's going to be another gift this year, so you'll get that. I don't know. It's more complicated than I'm making it out to be. Dick, you like cheese? Love it. Favorite cheese? What is it?

Okay. I love cheddar. I'd like a nice gruyere. Oh. A brie. Brie's very great. You do a baked brie? Do a baked brie,

a little honey? Yes, yes, yes. I love a baked brie. Fresh mozzarella. Really? I like burrata. If you're going to go that route, you got burrata with mozzarella. A burrata salad is amazing.

Yeah, it's the best. Burrata on arugula. A little bit of... A little peppery greens. Now we're talking. That's pretty good. You guys fuck with goat? Yeah. Goat cheese? It depends. I put it in chicken. I do a baked chicken, create a pocket, put apricot jam and goat cheese inside.

That actually sounds pretty good. Bake it up. Wow. Okay, what about you? Big goat fan. I like a good brie. You know what? It sounds trashy. A good, like, not just American, but like a single. Like a crass single. Floppy. Sticky. I'll go

fancy, but give me a nice rubbery. This is not a real cheese discussion anymore. This is a joke. I like a good sharp cheddar. I'm going cheddar as sharp as possible. Give me the sharpest you can. I want to cut my mouth off. You ever had a Bartlett pear?

No, what's that? That's that company. I think it's that company. They send, like when my dad died, a buddy sent me. Here we go. Okay, yeah, whatever, but good came out of it because I got a gift basket with a Bartlett pear and some cheese and whatever else. It sounds like Harry and David.

You should sell your comic like that. Incredible. Like a Harry and David basket. It was the nicest thing someone ever did for me. Just like a guy, his company. He's like, oh, I heard your dad died. He sent me pears because it was like a Japanese company. I think that's their tradition is to send fruit.

Did he send you one? When like a family member dies. Did he just give you one? I had a bunch of Bartlett pears with this sharp cheddar and it was the best thing I ever had. Maybe that was an insult. Fruit and cheese is great. Like microwave cheese on an apple?

Microwave cheddar melted on the apple? I'm not going to hate it. You ever put cheese on a pie? Yes, American cheese on an apple pie. American cheese. It's a thing. Sharp ched. Sharp ched.

Okay, well, now I don't like you anymore. Sharp ched. End this fucking show. I agree. Shut up, Eric. I'm going to have to pee. I got to pee. Let's pee.

Goodbye.