The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 49

Episode Date: July 24, 2022

SSRIs, Minimum Wageslaves, Pity Party Poopers

See what happens to Chappelle when we're there to protect him? They shut him down, shut down his venues. Oh, those fucking dirty rats. They should have flown us in. Those dirty Minnesota rats. I know. Is that where it was? It was Minnesota.

Those dirty Minnesota sidewinding rats. Shutting down a proud blank comedian. It's no good. And you, you support black creators. I do support black creators. Anyone black. If they're a comic or if they're making comics, you support them, right? Yeah, 100%.

All black-related comic production. If Dave Chappelle did a comic, you'd go like, I can't wait to buy 10. I support black comics and I support black comics. Would you have anything to learn from Chappelle if he sold $2 million worth of comics? No, I wouldn't. What would be the excuse why he sold it? Why Dave Chappelle sold things? Yeah, what would your excuse be?

Dave Chappelle would be the excuse. Because he has fans, right? He has fans. He has fans, exactly. The Ripper doesn't have fans. That's why he didn't sell anything. That's a good point, Steven. We're doing the same show again.

Good subversive point, Steven. Everybody loved that last show. The comments were wild with, I'm so glad an hour was spent arguing with Vito. Oh, you think that we wasted people's time. Is that what you're saying? You're siding with that autistic segment of the fans? Some say wasted.

Some say the gem of the show. Some of them said, I mean, after about two seconds, it was obvious Vito was right. I don't see why we had to continue. And frankly, I have to agree. This chair still has some of Eric's sweat on it from just sitting here. Come on, guys. Can we just get a little intense? He was really, he did not.

Get along. What is this, 1991? In LA? What are you talking? We haven't gotten along in 40 years here. He's trying to broker peace. He was a true hostage negotiator. He did fail.

He did fail. Tony from Hack the Movies is my sworn enemy now. He will die at the end of my blade. Comic mafia. Nerd mafia. If Eric was a cop... I'll give him a free game of views. Yeah.

If Eric was a cop... I'll give him my freaking reviews. Tony's been sending me little snips on Twitter all week. Yeah. Where he goes, oh, I'm in the park working on my screenplay. Yeah. I hope that all my other fellow Italians are working hard on their own creative endeavors. Fuck you, Tony, you piece of shit. Vito, is that why your screenplay isn't done?

There's no Starbucks nearby for you to type in? Exactly. You're right. I have to find a beautiful park. Are you going to wake up with your Final Fantasy VII doll heads in your bed? Are you going to send that message to Tony? Before I came over, somebody sent me a tweet where somebody has purchased both of the Final Fantasy VII sex dolls. You're going to take the heads from his VCR and cut them off and put them in bed.

And it's all the tape. He's like, oh, God! Sorry to interrupt. Tony from Act of Movies with all his VHS tapes. That's a good image. I like that. Look at me. I'm Red Letter Media. I mean, well, I like movies too, though.

I'm Tony. I call up my friends and we just shit talk about movies on a set that was built for a much bigger and more important show than myself. Look who's talking in the stand! That's true. I have nothing. I cannot cast aspirations.

So you've sided with the libertarian-sized amount of people that are saying that you were right, right away. Libertarian-sized? Like the 4%, 2%, 3%? of people that are saying that you were right right away libertarian size like the four percent two percent oh you think only four percent of people support my my side of things i mean they were they were talking a lot but it was only like four percent maybe six i think there was some great discussion from uh and the more intelligent head said well that veto i can't even disagree with the things he's saying what What an individual and what a creator. Signal me when you're ready for me to start the day.

Oh, just hit it up. Just hit, just do it. Superchats, get Superchats in. Now. Do it. Do it. Biggest. Problem.

Superchats. In. Superchats. The. Universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From police breaking down your door to Vito starting a race war.

Ruh-roh. I'm your host Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi. Hi Dick. Joining us, I'm going to guess that your last name is Stephen Torres. That's right, like every other Mexican. Yes. I was like okay I know it's Mexican

it's got to be Ramirez, Torres We had Escobar on the last show. All we get is Hispanics these days. You people are crawling. Well I tried to build a wall but you You shut it down. You shut it down. If you remember. I voted for that. Yeah. We tried the Mexicans we tried to it, but like it fell apart after two weeks.

Yeah. You don't build good shit. The Mexicans will get over, they get over everything. They're very spidery people. You seen the signs of us? What are you talking about? I'm going to roll us through the wall. The day laborers are getting through.

Oh, yeah? All the great pickers and whatever else. Build another wall on top of that one, then. I don't know. They're going to vault it. Just keep them. If you get over the wall, they're going to say, get back there and start building. Start building a wall until the other guy can't get over it.

They're excellent jumpers, the Mexicans. Because of jumping beans? No, because you ever go to a Mexican birthday party? What do they always have? A bounce house. The moon bounce. He's right. Because they love to jump, and they're training in the moon bounces.

Okay. Steven, where can people go to find your stuff? You run a comedy club. Is that right? Something like that? I run a show called The Wrigley Comedy Chew. You can find us on the Facebook group, Wrigley Comedy Chew. I also have a YouTube channel.

It's just called Comedy Chew, and I post clips up on there. Comedy Chew. And you were there when Vito did his stand up, right? Yes, I'm the one that dragged him out Messaged him over and over again Made him feel awkward Which has become like a whole fucking thing for some reason He was good

He was good He was better than anyone expected Don't say I was good Because it gets me in trouble when people compliment me apparently Are you aware of this, Dick? You know what, Vito? When you came into my house today, Vito said, yeah, I did great.

And you said, you did good. Fuck you guys. It was a real subtle, I was like, wow. I think I did pretty good. He made people laugh, Dick. I've never seen that without a woman around. When somebody just comes in,

yeah, you did good. Okay, point is, I don't even know if we should get into the drama, is that apparently, and I don't even know if we should get into the drama, is that apparently, and I didn't even remember this, that Chrissy Maher's booker boyfriend or husband, whatever his name is, Frank Pellegrino.

She better put a ring on it. He better put a ring on it fast because she's hitting escape velocity. If he doesn't have a ring on that, she's going to go, bloop, I'm staying out with a comedy promoter tonight, honey. I'll be back seven years. Goodbye. I think he manages some other talent. I think he might even be managing

Did you say other talent? Yeah. That's it. Hmm. That would imply previous talent. I was told he's managing our good friend, primetime Alex Stein 99. Really? Yeah, that's what I was told. Maybe Alex can have a chat with him about all these accusations he's making.

Well, I guess I made a little snide comment on the show at one point, because me and him had had a fight on Twitter. I guess I might have made a snide comment. Because I had forgotten. I forgot I had even said anything, because we fought on Twitter. He said, you're not a real comedian because you don't do stand-up. I had sent him a clip of me doing stand-up like 10 years ago or whatever it was. And he said, well, I've done stand-up. I just haven't done it regularly.

You're obviously a comedian, though. That's what I think. Obviously. You're globally known twice for two comedy bits. For a variety. Vaping Belle Delphine's bathwater and the Dave Chappelle thing. And the Pepsi thing. There's three.

There's three. I've done a pretty good job, I think, doing comedy. Jokes are funny. Yeah, that was the Chappelle thing. Oh, are funny. Yeah, that was a Chappelle thing. Oh, my bad. Yeah, that was good. Okay, but whatever. Christian Mayer's boyfriend is determined to tell people that I'm not a comedian.

I don't know why. And he went on WATP. Oh. Do we have a feud now? We kind of have a feud. Oh, no. Because Carl played a clip of me saying... Carl, you club-footed punk.

You club-footed punk-ass motherfucker. We're going to rain down upon you in your clip show. I had said that he's. I got a soundboard, too, Carl. Listen to my fucking soundboard. I guess he. But Carl said to him, he's like, is Vito a real comedian? And he said, no, he's a pedophile.

So I think we have a feud. I have it. I have the whole bit. Somebody clipped it and sent it to me. Here, let me see how long it is. If you want to. Do you guys know who Vito Giswold is? It's like six minutes long.

We'll have to clip it down some other point. I have a clip that I wanted to pull. Frank, if you want to get near him. We'll play the full one at the end. They pulled me a short one, too. Let's listen to the short one. Fucking guy on the internet. Now he's just like,

Frank doesn't think I'm a comic. You know what it stemmed from, Carl, is he uses the term... I know he's lying already. Just the tomb of his voice. What he's about to say is just ridiculous. He's thinking too much between each word. Listen to what he's about to say is like it's just ridiculous he's thinking too much between each word listen to what he's gonna say

a man who's telling the truth screams passionately like have you ever seen an innocent man get arrested he's like oh god fucking god I thought this was America

I can't be drunk in a baseball game no come on what's not innocent about this he's got this bizarre conspiracy theory about me not me here

comedian as a mask for saying things that are controversial to be provocateur yes which is fine but a lot of people are using the title comedian to kind of hide from things but they've never performed wait i'm sorry that i'm sorry i'm sorry i have to listen to this again and make sure it's not satire no go ahead steven isn't this the whole thing that they made fun of uh oh bill o'reilly for saying back in the day the comedy helmet remember all that shit oh you can just call yourself a comedian and then say like oh i have a comedy helmet i didn't really i didn't really mean it ha ha ha like they're using the same argument they're cute they're saying i'm

not a real comedian and that i i pretend to be a comedian so I can say shocking things on the internet. Imagine a man dressed like this is not a real comedian. No, he's clearly, he's comedian uniform right here. What shocking things? I talk shit about like Star Wars movies. Yeah. I don't say anything really shocking ever. No, you don't.

I have little political fights and I say, you know, Biden's the greatest president ever and I'm glad that Ashley Babbitt got shot in the face. See, that's funny. That's comedy. That's comedy. He didn't really mean it though. I don't care.

It's funny. He's saying that I'm not trying to be funny, that I'm trying to be like a secret. Are you stealing like valor? Is this stolen valor for comedians? Because you're calling yourself a comedian? It seems like stand-up comedians really hate the idea that there's other kinds of comedy. You're drinking their milkshake. They think the only kind of comedy that matters is you bombing at some fucking family restaurant

at 4 a.m. in the middle of New Jersey. Comedians that talk like this are the same kind of comedians that call other people civilians. They're in some kind of like army of comedians. Only they know the struggle and shit. Really? Yeah, like no one else could be funny. You never heard comedians call other people civilians? I try not to hang out with comedians.

I know. And if I do, we're not talking about comedy. We're talking about anything else. Then you don't hang out with comedians because they're not talking about the craft. Yeah, I like talking about NFTs and stuff. That's cool. Oh, how are your Shawnees doing? Great because they're not talking about the craft. Yeah, I like talking about NFTs and stuff. That's cool. Oh, how are your Shawnees doing? Great.

They're worth a million dollars each. Yeah, Solana's not doing so great. Okay, let's listen to the rest of this. This is the term comedian as a mask for saying things that are controversial to a provocateur. Yes. Which is fine, but a lot of people are using the title comedian to kind of hide from things, but they've never performed. Right. For example, it's a result to jim and chrissy yeah you know they're actual comics decades right basically so it frustrates me when jim and chrissy they're the same someone uses that

to kind of cover up them being shitheads or peta sympathizers basically. Pedosympathizers? Whoa, all right. Wow, that's got a different direction I was expecting it to go. That's Carl's, oh, wow, I didn't know you were serious. There's more. That's what he does. He defends pedophiles. Is that what he does?

He does, yes. Interesting. So I shouldn't have him on my show anymore? Is that what you were telling me? Do you have a law firm that you, well, defend your pedophiles. You got caught in the act. Come on down.

A 1-888-188-VETO. It's such a ridiculous assertion. It's just so ridiculous. These guys are terminally online. They believe everything they read or whatever. Yeah, I have a certain group of stupid haters who go at me and they go, Veto's secretly a pedophile. Yeah, you got him. You got him yeah and but the idea that

i'm not doing comedy and i'm what i'm out here making those are equally bad it's so confusing like this guy i'm like okay man whatever can i say something doing is really important you want to are you whatever. Can I say something in Vito's defense? But what Jim and Chrissy Mayer are doing is really important. Are you sure you want to say something in his defense? Except for the pedo stuff. Let's not worry about that. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, Vito's a legit comedian. I've seen him perform. I don't get where this idea comes from that he's not a comedian. You don't have to be funny to be a comedian. You just have to go up there and try. I mean, he's a professional comedian. Yeah, he is. He makes more money than most people.

I make money yeah it's his entire life what it comes down to is i really think that these stand-up guys who a lot of them like never really get anywhere and they just like devote their lives to being on the road and playing shitty gigs yeah they want to like find a way to justify to themselves and go this is the real comedy oh yeah like no you're just doing like yeah i mean what you do obviously takes you know work and effort and whatever else but like you can't look at other people who are succeeding doing alternate forms of comedy going well that's not real comedy that's a mask they wear to like what the fuck it's so weird this is a mask levito wears so he can say inappropriate i don't know why this guy won't just his line in the sand was, do you

do stand-up? And I was like, yeah, I've done stand-up and I'm doing a little bit more of it now. But ultimately, honestly, it's a waste of time. That's the thing. Honestly, I stopped doing stand-up because I looked at all these guys who were just on the road like, you know, I love Eric, but he's on the road all the time. He makes like no money and I'm like, well,

that's great and I love you and you're my buddy, but I can't live that life. I'd go fucking nuts go fucking nuts why would you i'd rather do my comedy online where it's a lot easier i think to reach an audience where the money is i feel like i mean stand-up comedy stand-up comedy with applause and like you're selling identity politics that's hot no there aren't yeah there's a lot of that that's a new frontier it works just sell just sell your own side more and get that money out but uh i don't know man like live comedy is still fun but it's just pockets of it left if it gets too big it gets like attacked by every angle yeah hunt it down i appreciate live comedy i respect live comedy i just you know said hey i

gotta put a roof over my head it's a lot easier for me to make youtube videos that are funny and get paid for that. So, that's what I did. You're a comedian. I know! I'll tell you. I mean, that's the other thing. People are like, why are you trying to convince Chrissy Mayer's stupid boyfriend? And you're like, I don't care what that stupid idiot thinks. It's just really weird

that he's hung up on it. He seems, like, bitter and, like, mad. It's all the cutie stuff still. They're still just angry about some people are angry at you because you're a liberal yes and they need you to be like they need to beat me into the ground they need you to have something morally wrong so they can justify their hatred of you liberal yeah because they're emotionally immature and then some people who need like the comedy like you're saying like oh well i'm the right every industry has people who are just stubborn pricks

about the old way or their way of doing something like oh well and'm the right every industry has people who are just stubborn pricks about the old way or their way of doing something like oh well and their way of doing something makes less money and is less popular calculator because i'm a real mathematician you're doing that new string theory kind of mad that bullshit it's not going anywhere okay if it's not printed on a printing press by a mule then it ain't a real book book. It's like, all right, man, I don't know. I can't convince this guy, and why should I even care? It's just weird. I mean, Carl kind of forced him to come on the show,

but he could have just said, yeah, Vito's a comedian, and it's fine. But instead, he's still got this weird little bitter thing. I don't get it. I could try to put it in words this guy might understand. Listen, man, what is a comedian anyway, bro? Just someone that makes you laugh and you go and watch their stuff, man. I mean, I think he might get that. I think he would get that too.

Everyone gets... Okay, you ready? I don't even know if we'll listen to the whole thing. I'm excited to see these votes. Swatting. Okay. Is that the most up to the date? Because you printed that out before the show. Go look right now. Go look right now. If Frank wants to call in and tell Vito he's not a comedian, do space.

What else is he going to say? He's like swatting. God damn it! 331. Yeah, rent is too damn high. Dick won by 10 votes. That's why your vote is so important. I know it is. In only this instance. I tried to get a couple extra votes

before the show by reminding people, like, hey, don't forget you can vote, but of course. They probably smelled your desperation and voted against you. Probably. Swatting wins by 10. Rent is too damn high came in. Which is a much better problem. How many people are going to get swatted in their lives versus how many people are going to be

exploited by landlords? In the future, everyone will be swatted. In the future, everyone will be living in a pod. Something that they'll deal with. Which they pay a million dollars a day for. Not supporting black businesses came in third. As a huge negative. Which means the audience believes with me that I don't have to support black businesses.

That's the audience validating. Maybe the audience got confused with the double negative i don't care i think that's a win for me 100 tony's problem if it's tony from hack the movies first and only problem is a negative very negative and uh we'll see if he could ever dig his way out of that hole and then evolution uh probably should have called that one what the fuck is this guy talking about eric eric was a polarizing guest i i love eric he's fucking weird but dick waggles really liked him some people weren't uh yeah couldn't decide uh look we take if you didn't like him we take your comments much more seriously if you subscribe

to the patreon absolutely we only that's always super chats too. Super Chats as well, but not as serious. Tell us who you like. Dick Waggles PI says, the jealousy of Vito is like Swiss chocolate in my mouth. Quote, this guy's comic looks like shit. Hasn't read it. Acknowledges art is good. So what looks like shit then, Vito? I said that I've read the

synopsis and it's bad. I read through his whole website and I don't think the guy can write because his website is sloppy. And all the promo material website and I don't think the guy can write because his website is sloppy and all the promo material is sloppy. And I said the art is fine. It's fine now. It's not eye-catching. It's not exciting. Didn't you say it was like Invincible?

Which is like a really good... That's what Tony said about him. Aaron keeps saying my comic looks like Invincible. My comic looks nothing like Invincible. It doesn't! That's a compliment. Isn't Invincible famous and good? Invincible comic looks like invincible my comic looks nothing like invincible all right stop it doesn't that's a compliment isn't invincible famous and good yeah invincible just looks like people tell me i look like gallagher that's a compliment a little bit it's so funny that it keeps going well you just ripped off the boys and then tony eventually admitted i've never watched the boys and i don't actually know what it's about uh also does veto not know that disney

literally has a gay agenda they said it publicly yeah did you know that so so what's the what am i supposed to take from that i don't know did you know that i did know that and i don't have a problem with that they can have a gay agenda that's fine tab says once again veto is crying that the right-leaning nerds are more popular than him all because veto can't give up that old la team sport politics well i mean it mean, it wouldn't matter if I have given up the team sport politics. I'm literally doing a podcast with a guy who has a signed Donald Trump hat and is probably going to vote for him. I had that ironically. No, you don't.

Shut the fuck up. You would vote for that guy from beyond the grave. Ironically also. I would also vote ironically. So I've clearly given up on the team sports. They're the ones with the team sport. Everyone in their little group is conservative.

100%. They're welcome to come on my show and defend themselves whenever they want and talk about... I'll let Ripper come on. Ripper, you can come on my channel and tell everybody why the Ripperverse is great. Anytime. No, I was just going to say, he's right. It is all teamed up, except each team is pushing Vito the other team yes yes i'm not allowed to be on either of the teams

that is the biggest problem in my life both teams hate my guts excuse me and i'm you know what i'm fine with it ben welch says tony from hack Movies has never said or done anything funny. I just listen to him deliver this cocaine-fueled, you-don't-like-black-people rant for 45 minutes. Fucking yawn. Oh, wow. Yikes. Yawn. He's like Mad Cucks. If Mad Cucks wasn't playing a character and if Tab never shut the fuck up.

Oh, we love Tony. Moron. Yeah, the gentleman sausage. He didn't articulate it well or name it correctly, but what Eric said was right. We need to return to monkey. What do you think about that? We need to return to our simian lifestyle of swinging around, eating bananas.

And peeling them correctly the way that monkeys do that I am going to hear probably a thousand more times before I'm dead. How to peel a fucking banana like a monkey. I'll peel it like a human who makes money and can afford his rent. How about bananas? How often do you have a banana? Like six a day. Shut up.

No. Just like one a week. That's too much like a dick to me. I brought in a couple things as part of an exciting segment that we call Vote It Up. You gotta vote it up. Vote up all the problems now and never stop. Hold on. I see.

If you don't vote them up, there would be no show. You gotta vote for all the problems. Our biggest problem, that show. Come on now. Vote it up, folks. How long does a stinger last in your mind? Here's a stinger. 40 minutes later.

Wow. Don't shut it off yet. You shouldn't want to shut off a stinger. It should just end. Look, the stinger can be cut in half but uh i wanted to play the full one regardless 17 seconds vote up all the problems now and never stop if you don't vote them up there would be no show you gotta vote for all the problems our biggest problem that show come on now don't trim it that Come on now! Don't trim it.

Please don't trim it. 17 seconds. We can have a trimmed version. I made that like two seconds before I came into the show. You made it 17 seconds. 17 seconds, exactly. Well, Voted Up is where we discuss previous problems that people should be voting up

on the big list of problems at biggestproblem.show From Dago Knight, says, Voted Up Bluetooth. that people should be voting up on the big list of problems at biggestproblem.show. From Dago Knight, says, Voted up Bluetooth. My mother recently got a new Bluetooth speaker and asked me to set it up as I feared it does not work

even though her MP3 player supports Bluetooth and can even detect the speaker. Speaker did not work on another player. Who the fuck knows with any of this shit. Told my parents not to buy any more Bluetooth shit because I don't have to perform whatever arcane ritual is required to get that shit to work. Trash it.

Yep. And Lemon Sake says, Voted up. Macho Weatherman. As we've been seeing, the UK heat wave is killing me. And I can't escape the hundreds of Americans telling me how cool they are for being able to survive heat.

A fucking Texan tried to do it to me, which is ironic considering what snow did to their state last year yeah there you go vote up macho weatherman have you seen this heat wave in the uk dick uh no uh what do you call it there's a big uh debate in europe because they don't have air conditioners in europe really and traditionally they've looked down on americans for having air conditioners like oh these spoiled americans think in summertime they deserve it to be cool and yeah chilly yeah we do and now uh now they're all rushing out to get air conditioners because of this huge uk heat wave well so i guess those macho weathermen in the uk are i hope they all die of heat stroke okay well we don't we take that We support our UK listeners here on Biggest Problem. Everyone in the UK,

no matter what temperature, always looks sweaty anyway. What's the difference? That's true, they do. Sweaty Friday. They look slimy. Slimy. They do look slimy.

Yeah, they're slimy people, the Brits. Okay, you ready? Because I won. You're the winner, Dick. What do you got for us? It's getting embarrassing. I lost by 10 votes.

That's nothing. You still lost. You got to bring in serious problems. You got to bring in serious problems that everybody... High rent is a good problem. Maybe it's the way you brought it in then. Whatever. You got to work on that.

Whatever. What was your... Whatever. SSRIs are my problem. SSRIs. You see, they had a big study this week. Do you know what SSRI stands for, Dick? Uh, serotonin

something reuptake inhibitions or something like that. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. Yeah. Also known as? A real problem. SSRIs. Also known as? Uh, antidepressants. Antidepressants. Thank you.

Do you think people really don't know? Yes, I don't think people know what an SSRI is. Antidepressants. Yeah, you should say that. Okay, but not all of them. What do you mean not all of them? Not all antidepressants are good. Is that what you're going to say?

Liquor, cocaine. Liquor is not an antidepressant. Being mean to women. That's an antidepressant. Liquor is a depressant. Road rage. That's a good antidepressant. Liquor is a depressant. Road rage, that's a good antidepressant. Okay.

Your anti-drug is liquor. My anti-drug is cocaine. Yes. Ecstasy. Yes. What else? Yelling at women. LSD, Adderall.

Sure. Liquor. Did I say liquor already? Patriotism. I should have started with liquor. That would have been funny. It's implied. Okay.

What's wrong with SSRIs, Dick? I did liquor. That would have been funny. It's implied. Okay. What's wrong with SSRIs, Dick? I did my thing all out of order here. It's fine. No link. They found no link between serotonin levels and depression. That was it. Big 17. According to an analysis of 17 studies, first one ever done at this size, at this type

of study. This raises questions about antidepressants. The focus on the brain signaling molecule. So the people who did it, not everyone is convinced. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So they've been saying that it's a chemical imbalance in your head since the 60s. Specifically serotonin, I guess. Yeah, but they always call it the meme.

You got a chemical imbalance. Right. Or you got a chemical. Why do you have depression? I got an imbalance. You got an imbalance Of chemicals I'm not balanced

In your head What do you know We can balance them all out With this one little pill No Well they finally Looked at all the papers And said look

Serotonin in the blood In the brain We can't find No correlation Between depression And serotonin In your body In your brain

In your blood And then Taking the SSRIs Affect affecting it in a way that would cure the depression nada doesn't exist so they went back to the doctors and he said can you believe this and i just said oh yeah i mean we stopped yeah i mean obviously that's obvious what do you mean that's obvious it's a literally how many billions of dollars have been spent on these i have that the global must be like in the trillions uh overall yeah yes the global

antidepressant market in the in the u.s oh no that's u.s dollars was 12 billion in 2019 for one year that was yeah in 2019 for one year the the impact of covid has uh depression medication witnessing you're never going to believe this. Skyrocketing rates. Positive demand shock across all regions based on stellar growth of 30%. Did you know that? 30%. That's a lot.

So this chemical imbalance somehow skyrocketed and everyone was locked in their homes and fired and trapped with their families. Yeah, your chemicals stopped balancing because of COVID. Don't try to fix your life. Take this pill. and everyone was locked in their homes and fired and trapped with their families for every day all year. Don't try to fix your life. Take this pill. And this chemical imbalance can be solved by this pill. What do you know? Turned out that was bogus. The whole fucking thing was bogus.

I had a prescription for those things and I just stopped taking them. I don't even notice any difference. Did you feel like all weird and zombied out when you were on them? Because they'll give them to you for nothing. What did it take for them to give you SSRIs? Oh, you just say, I'm a little bummed out. It was better when I could get, like, Ritalin, but that's a whole other thing.

They'd add them all. I'd get you some right now. Some in 10 minutes. Honestly, I might need to take you up on that at some point. They'd put me on any depressed. Yeah, the SSRIs, I was like, I don't think they actually do anything. The market is projected to grow from $15 billion to $18 billion into 2027. So, obviously, this study is going to get shot and buried behind a woodshed.

My theory was always... It'll get peer-reviewed. Oh, yeah. Aren't you supposed to be depressed? Isn't it a chemical balance if you are depressed? That like, yeah, your brain is functioning properly. You're trapped in a society for which there is no advancement, in which the value of your dollar is depreciating at a rapid pace,

where you'll never own property. You can't touch, harm, or even strike fear into the hearts of your tyrants. You have no power in a system that was established long before you were born and will continue to grow like a snake across the globe and eventually crush the lives of all hope and dreams in the world. But you also

shouldn't feel bad about that. That's an imbalance of chemicals. You shouldn't feel any murderous rage. Murderers and killers are probably the sanest among us. Yes. That's my problem with SSRIs. I mean, Uncle Ted in the woods building his little devices had all the right ideas. Is this the second episode where Ted was right?

Yeah, Ted was right. He's like Jokey Smurf. Isn't he a little bit? You know that Ted Bear from those movies? Teddy Bear? Yeah, well, no. Ted, the Seth MacFarlane character. Yeah.

You want a Unabomber of Ted? I want a Unabomber Ted. Let's see. Prescriptions for antidepressants have risen dramatically. One in six adults in England. So I guess that's probably here, too. Is it on antidepressants two percent of teenagers wow now being prescribed antidepressants in a given year and this is old

and now after covid it's the old thing of like what teenager isn't deficit of attention like is that and then they'll say that's a chemical imbalance like yeah we're all poisoned uh it really annoys me that everyone's been taking these for a very specific reason yeah and now the reason is debunked and they'll still keep taking them and nothing will change it's gonna be like well you know it's better safe than sorry it's like it's not it's not better it's really it's not i mean it's a system we've been taking cocaine for 20 000 years okay we pretty much know what happens when all these school shootings start popping off. It's not better safe than sorry. The government wants

you to be medicated because you're easier to deal with. You don't question as many things. Like what? What would you want to question? I don't want to go down that route. What questions do you have? Is it about pizza boxes?

There's a lot of questions out there. What kind of questions? What's your big burning question about the government? Who has a pizza shaped map or whatever? No. There's plenty of questions I got. Name 20. Again, a lot of it comes back to like, why are we letting, you know, these people destroy

the American way of life or whatever you want to call it. There's no upward mobility. They're like, well, you got a TV and an Xbox and all the fun. You got your phone. You got a bunch of processed foods that we start feeding you when you go into the mandatory school system at three years old and we start pumping you full of processed foods and estrogen. Take your somatabs and feel good, man.

Yeah. And they don't work. They don. Yeah. And they don't work. They don't work. They don't work. Well, they turn you into a little zombie. Yeah. During, let's see, here's some more stats. Zombies don't usually shoot.

Use was higher among women, 18%. Men are 9%. So double. God. If there wasn't enough problems with women already. What do they have to be depressed about? Exactly. Their life's great.

Getting everything they want. And it never being enough. What really do they have to be depressed about? I don't know. They don't even understand anything to know why they should be upset. Can you imagine how great that would be? They're out of caramel at Starbucks. They don't have enough

shoes. They need new... Yeah, they don't have more. They ran out of birthday sprinkles at Starbucks for whatever. A dog gave them a mean look. Their dog stepped on a bee. To come home crying. I almost stepped on a bee. An unattractive

man tried to speak to them. Oh, yeah. That makes me depressed. They should sell insurance for that. Yeah, they should. Has this ever happened to you? Hey, you look that... Hi, how are you?

Shoes look good. He was raping me with his eyes. SOS. Antidepressant use increased with age Huh Use was highest among women Yeah of course it increased with age You realize you're running

It's a trick Something about Hispanics was in here too Something about Hispanics was in here too An estimated 7% of adults Had a major depressive episode In the past year There's a bunch of shit about depression But nothing about SSRIs

Let's see here's some of the Side effects Sickness, diarrhea, constipation, dizziness Sleeping problems, headaches Loss of libido, I've heard that one a lot People get on So all those women Remember how women are like two for one

They don't want to fuck. They don't want to fuck. Because they're all medicated up. That's what it is. Women getting fucked straightens their brains out. People laugh when I say that, but you take a woman before getting fucked and after, she will be thinking better. Not good.

Oh, it's like a cat in heat. Once it gets fucked, it's docile again. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You ever have a cat in heat. Once it gets fucked, it's docile again. You know? Yeah. You ever have a cat in heat in your house? No. Just making noise, and you got to grab the Q-tip and jack it off

so it just shuts the fuck up? What? This is why I don't have cats. Do you have to do that? I'm going to throw up. Back when my cat was not fixed, you just take a Q-tip. Are you being ironic? No.

Look, they'll tell you that you can find a guy online. Who's Dale? Just the internet doctors will tell you. Human doctors? Yeah, yeah. Perverts. Sick pervert doctors. It's not a pervert thing.

It's a, whatever. I'm not like, you know, going nuts on the cat. You just take a Q-tip and you gently because otherwise the cat just screams all day and night you just gently put it against whatever and a cat has an orgasm in like two seconds just goes and then it's done and it shuts the fuck up for like two more days you have to do this every two days yeah Yeah. Until you get your cat fixed. And they don't come take your cats away if you're

masturbating your cats? No, they don't take them away. It's perfectly normal. How many cat people do this? A lot. Super chats. It is perfectly normal if you have a cat in heat to take a Q-tip and get your cat off. Okay. Look it up! I'll look it up after the show.

Everybody thinks I raped my cat whenever I tell this story. And I'm not ashamed of it because I couldn't sleep. No, you're not ashamed of anything. I couldn't sleep! Your cat yells night and day and you just get it off in two seconds. And that was the happiest cat. It was so happy that I let it grind on a Q-tip for literally

a fraction of a second. It takes nothing. Did you give a cab fare after? Yeah, I gave my cat cab fare. Did you get it to go? That was a good one. Yeah. It takes nothing. Did you give a cab fare after? Yeah, I gave my cat a cab fare. That was a good one. Yeah, it was terrible. Did you buy a dinner first? You just gently, like right, you get whatever. It's a

simple, easy procedure. I know. I've done it to a woman. Yeah, with a Q-tip. I love it. See, this is how Bob Barker should have sold it. Getting your cats fixed. Yeah, otherwise you're sold it Getting your cat's fixed Yeah otherwise You gotta jerk your cat Off with a Q-tip That's when I got my cat fixed

I only ever did it once Cause I was lazy Getting my cat fixed And then I was like Alright I do have to Actually do it now You should put your cat On SSRIs

I should Take care of this problem Permanently Difficulty achieving orgasm Wow So you just hump You're just pounding Some wood Into your girlfriend and

you can't come when i first got on srs yeah getting in uh getting a you just weren't in the mood for anything you know really you just lose yeah eventually you get it back once you like stabilize did they tell you it was your brain chemistry that that was the problem well they said when you get on these pills it might take away your libido they didn't say that and say i'm cured of your depression yeah that's a depression oh yeah you'll be depressed you'll be depressed and you can't fuck yeah which does not help either they'll give you a reason to be depressed so it's normal erectile dysfunction i'd well i don't know i'd rather have the not coming than erectile dysfunction bleeding vomiting confusion school shootings stiffness shaking hallucinations, seizures.

Wow. Arrhythmia. Suicidal thoughts. That's cool. That's cool. That's rad. Let's see if I had it. I had another stat that was how many people still believe in the chemical imbalance thing,

but it looks like I didn't copy it. Well, I mean, we do have to do more more studies but i never understood the concept of a chemical imbalance yeah i remember when i was in school i was in college i had to take some psychology class and they're like the the cause of depression is a chemical imbalance and i said well which chemicals they're like well we don't know all of them and i'm like well what balance are they supposed what does a normal balance look like yeah yeah what do you mean what do you mean an imbalance like what what amount what ratio are you supposed to have for one to the other and they're like we have no fucking idea and i'm like well kind of sounds like you

just made that up like you're gonna fail this class if you put on the test really yeah like literally she was like really mad that i questioned because she's on it you're selling it of a yeah of a chemical imbalance i was like like, I just categorically... I'm like, and also, how can you say that... How is it not normal to be depressed? Maybe that is the normal chemical balance, and you're imbalancing it

by trying to force people to be happy. Maybe that's the imbalance. Yeah. And she's like, no. Why do we assume the natural state of humans is to be happy? Is that ever been... I mean, we is to be happy? Is that ever been? I mean, we want to be happy, but is that our natural primal state?

I'm kind of just annoyed at people saying that I need to be happy all the time, to be honest. Yeah. It's like, well, I don't really care, okay? I just don't give a shit about needing to be happy all the time. You're so medicated and they are like zombies. I have one friend I can barely talk to because I'm just like, you're not even like a person anymore. I think the natural state of humans is I don't give a fuck. I think that's what we're supposed to be at.

Because if you care too much or care too little, then you run into that imbalance, but it's in real life, not a chemical in your head. Just got to keep keeping on. You just got to let it roll over you. Well, that's my problem. SSRIs. SSRIs. Are you going to put it on the thing? Alright, specifically. Yeah, SSRIs.

Maybe I'll put antidepressants in parentheses. Because there are other forms of antidepressants that aren't SSRIs. I don't know. I don't want to pretend like I know science over here. Okay, yeah. Those weren't included in my... Yeah, God forbid. I mean, you looked up the stats in the ten minutes before the show. Here's the things I know about. Elections. No. No, no.

No. How do you count them uh traffic violations during riots yeah yeah okay steven do you want to go steven my problem is uh what i like to call pity party poopers okay these are you ever you ever get in an accident dick yeah and what do you mean like a poop in your pants no because. Because I got in one of those accidents yesterday. We'll save that one. Nice. Let's say you get in a car accident. And you're sitting there and you're like,

God damn it. I gotta call insurance. I gotta get this fixed. And someone comes up to you and goes, Hey man, at least you're alive. Oh, okay. Thank you. I guess I shouldn't complain now. I guess all my complaining is null and void because... There's a bright side to things that you're alive. Oh, okay, thank you. I guess I shouldn't complain now. I guess all my complaining is null and void because... There's a bright side to things that you're not looking at. The tarnished silver lining.

I even found a study that says that it's... Look at this guy. He's got studies. That's good. Studies are good. That bottling up all that stress from trying not to complain is raising people's stress levels throughout their whole lives

and it's costing our medical industry $522 million a year in added stress. Wait, people aren't venting? How do they measure that? How do they measure added stress? It's called anewstudy.com You can look it up on there later if you want. Okay.

Am I going to get a virus if I go to a newstudy.com? Well, there's probably a number of studies on this site. Is that it? A newstudy.com. Oh, son of a bitch. Is this your site? Yeah. Well, you fucked it up. I know. Let me see. Let me go to your

admin panel. Let's see. No, this might be a... Maybe you got the name wrong. the name oh newstudyshows.com my newstudyshows.com there you go it's very official the tarnish and the silver lining there you go okay and uh if you look right there 222 million dollars a year and added did you just make all this up no it's on the it's on the internet it's real okay but yeah did you set up a fake website before coming into the show yeah classic pit no guest has ever tried to pull that before yeah okay some uh so you're saying you don't like what something bad happens to you you don't want people to come along and be like well it could be fun you know no i don't i'd rather i'd

rather i'd rather be dead i'd rather just complain for a little while like. Like, let's say my mom's in an accident and someone goes, Hey, man, at least she's not dead. That's not going to cheer me up. Why are you going to point out something better could have happened to cheer me up? It doesn't make any sense. Like, just let me get my anger out and then we can talk about it later. Or let me drink. I think people instinctively want to reassure people, you know,

or it goes, well, at least you have insurance, you know, or something like that. Yeah. Well, because sometimes maybe it will make you feel better. Do you do that? I think I do do that. So, Vito, like, when you were young and you'd get shut down. When a woman gets raped, I go, well, at least abortion's legal. Oh, fuck. Oh, I'm sorry,

honey. There's no hope for you. At least he was hot. Yeah, at least he was a good looking... At least you're still rapable. Your rape child is going to have, you know,'s no hope for you. At least he was hot. Yeah, at least he was a good looking... At least you're still rapeable. Your rape child is going to have 50% hot guy genes. That would be nice. At least the genes are going to be assertive. Yeah. Yeah.

It could work out. It was like that with COVID. Oh, at least I got... At least you're vaccinated. At least you're vaccinated. That could be worse. And double boosted like Biden is. Yeah.

Which is why he's going to survive this COVID he's been struck with. Swimmingly. He's going to do great. Well, back to the problem for a second. Sure. I think the reason this bugs me isn't because they're trying to make you feel better. It's because they don't want to hear about your problem. Now you're talking me out of it.

Oh, shit. Well, this is, I mean, with women, that is true. They'll come to you with a problem, and you go, oh, but honey, at least this and this. I'm so depressed. I'm going to shut some of the fuck up. Jesus Christ. No, but they're also pretending like they want to help you at the same time. It's like, just let me get this out for a second.

And they're like, no, no, no. Stop talking about it. We're cool, though. I'm trying to help you at the same time. It's like, just let me get this out for a second. And they're like, no, no, no. Stop talking about it. We're cool, though. I'm trying to help you, but shut up. I feel like it's like suicide is like that. Like, oh, I'm really thinking about killing myself. And people are like, oh, well, no, you got to live. What if you never saw a sunset again, buddy?

That's my point. That's why I don't want to do that anymore. Well, what about all your friends and family? Yeah, you fucking hate them. That's what I'm talking about. They're the ones that push me into this. I don't know. Sometimes a suicide happens. Homeless people get switches, so that's kind of cool.

Well, I always, you know, there's a silver lining. Hopefully you're an organ donor. Yeah, exactly. My father died. You go, well, at least he's given you the gift of laughter and stuff. Everyone's an organ donor when the id gets lost i think people i think people you know what i someone told me that there's like

there's fuckery with organ donoring oh 100 is that real though is this one of your dumb no my other website yeah yeah yeah no i've i've heard that a lot too and from doctors well doctors well one, I saw that you sign up as an organ donor and you think they're going to donate your organs to like, you know, help save a kid.

But then the next thing you know, they're cutting open your big fat body on Dr. Oz and making fun of what a big fatty you were. Oh, yeah. And they're like,

look at, this is what fat looks like inside the human body. And everyone goes, ew, gross. And you're like, I guess I wish I just hadn't have donated myself

to science to be a spectacle to be mocked on live television you want them to do with your fat i don't know you know make make something out of it can we use them to make candles melt it down lamp oil some chicken in it okay yeah land well oil that's the next big industry when gas runs out um Pity party poopers. I can't get behind it. I think I instinctively, when someone's got bad news, I'm like, I want to be the friend who helps you

feel a little bit better about what's going on. You're not helping. Hey, at least you got friendship. What about when you lost all that money in Voyager? I was right on. That wasn't helpful. No, I wanted somebody to come along and go, no, they'll get you your money. It's going to be great., you fucked up. That wasn't helpful. No, I wanted somebody to come along and go, no, like,

they'll get you your money. It's going to be great. Then you fuck up again though. That's the, that's the worry. What stops you from fucking up is having a friend who's going to rip on me

for losing $20,000 in a crypto scam. Yeah. Did you lose it in Celsius? No, it's coming back, supposedly. I lost a little bit in Celsius.

Did you? Yeah. Oh yeah, but you- I missed it by that much. Yeah, because you got drunk and you didn't take it all out, you fucking idiot. No, that was UST.

That was Luna. Oh, my God. I missed Celsius by this. I got almost all of it. I'm a little tiny bit. Is Coinbase safe? Do I have to take it out of Coinbase, too? I'm taking it out of there, too.

Get a hardware wallet. I don't trust none of them. Yeah. None of them. Get a ledger. Put it all on your ledger. Yep. That's the move.

Okay. Fair enough. Robin Hood. Robin Hood seems safe. Robin Hood? Yeah. Robin Hood's worse than Coin coinbase they'll turn off your buttons how is it any different than coinbase because it stocks too yeah okay i think they got did oh jesus christ i can't trust a ledger just get a ledger how hard is that i don't know make sure to get it from the website though veto don't get it on amazon or anything is that one of those

things what i gotta memorize ten words and hide it somewhere in my house or whatever? You gotta hide it somewhere, yeah. Hide it on your most... And then how do I add... How do I buy coins? What am I, a fucking instruction manual for your ledger? It just seems like I don't understand why they can't have an exchange that isn't a scam and bullshit. Because

they all are giving money away. Yeah. They're all giving you a return. What the fuck are they doing? Why are they doing that? They're just gambling, apparently. I guess. And counting on number always go up, and then it doesn't. They're like, oh, shit. What the fuck?

It's really bizarre. Call the Federal Reserve. Get them to print. We're like, we don't have one. Uh-oh. All right. Well, am I up? Yeah, you're up.

All right. Well, I got a problem, dick. Okay. I'm actually changing my problem. My problem. Because everybody brought in good problems. I'm like, oh, I better do problem, Dick. Okay. I'm actually changing my problem. My problem. Because everybody brought in good problems. I'm like, oh, I better do a fun one. My problem are minimum wage slaves.

The people who, despite earning minimum wage, feel so indebted to their massa that they got to really fight for the rights of their fucking corporation and not ever cut you, the consumer, a break in any way. Oh, okay. So the other day I go to K... Like it's their money. It's their money they're protecting and they have to watch every dime that comes in and out. I have to charge you for extra buttermilk sauce.

Oh, yeah. Why? Exactly. No, you don't. I can't give you an extra honey mustard. It's against the policies of the place. The other day I go to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I had a coupon and I was like, oh, okay. I'll get a little chicken thing. It's against the policies of the place. The other day I go to Kentucky Fried Chicken. I had a coupon and I was like, okay, I'll get a little chicken thing. So here's the coupon. The coupon is a three-piece chicken

meal with two sides and a biscuit for $5.99. I go to the thing and I go, hi, I have a coupon. It's a three-piece chicken meal for $5.99. I'd like mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese. Okay, cool. I go through the drive-thru and then now, because I don't

ever trust these minimal wage idiots, before I leave the drive-thru, I look in the bag and I go, well, I forgot the macaroni and cheese. Okay. So I gotta go all the way around. You don't get out. No, this was actually a KFC that didn't have You don't reverse back into the drive-thru? This was like a weird KFC that's like in an alleyway

so I had to like actually go back onto the street. What the hell? It was a whole fucking thing. Are you going to secret KFCs? So I go back around. I go, you guys didn't give me my macaroni and cheese. I pull up to the window, and they go, well, sir, that three-piece meal only comes with one side. Yeah.

And I go, let me see the coupon. And the coupon has a picture of a delightful three-piece chicken dinner with two sides and a biscuit. Yeah. And they go, right. But you see next to it, it says meal has three pieces of chicken. Pick unrelated. One side and a biscuit. Yeah.

Asterisk. Okay. But there's a picture that shows two sides. So the picture, that's false advertising. You can't put a picture of a chicken meal with two sides and then tell me it actually only has one side. I'm going all the way to the Supreme Court. But here's the thing.

They've already, they can't like put the chicken back in the thing because I've already touched it or whatever. They've already handed it to me. I already ate the fucking biscuit. What, were you going to get a return on it? What do you mean they can't? I did get a return. Did you get to keep your chicken?

No. What? That's just, I didn't like you. That's just, yeah. So I said, that's not the policy. The policy is to give cranks.

My dad owned a restaurant. The policy is just, here's your money back. Get out of here. It's a 50 cent, like little thing. I'm like, it shows in the picture

two sides. I want two sides. What KFC is this? Let's review bomb the shit out of here it's a 50 cent like little thing i'm like it shows in the picture two sides i want two sides to know what kfc is this let's review bomb the shit out of them let's send the veto files this is a fight between petty and petty i'm not gonna take it i'll look it up right now i do want a review but i want everyone from the dick show to call me yelp and go i had a coupon and tell him i love this kfc fuck veto and do whatever you want do whatever you want i don't read i just look at the picture i will at least look up the address but the point is the name of the employee that you talked to reginald it was all women so of course they like couldn't even like comprehend the idea that like well the

coupon's misleading why don't we just give them a 20 cent thing but instead they took they're negotiating with each other? Yeah, basically It's like the apocalypse And here's the thing. I already ate the biscuit I took the mashed potato. How long did it take you to eat the biscuit? I took the mashed potato out of it and I took one of the pieces of chicken out of it and I just handed them back two pieces of chicken

and they didn't even look in the box and they gave me my money back So they lost a piece of chicken, a biscuit, a mashed potato. All the cutlery. Contaminated. Yes. Mashed potatoes.

How did you sneak out mashed potatoes while you were doing your refund? This was at the KFC at 1425 South New Avenue in Alhambra, California. Okay. KFC. Let me double check, but I'm pretty sure that's the one. Yeah, we don't want to get the wrong KFC. Let them know to charge veto next time he comes for the chicken he took. Send them a picture of veto and say, do not allow this man in.

Do not allow this man. So they were going to give you a refund and they demanded your food back. And so you pocketed some potatoes? As I was handing it back, I slipped a little bit out and I handed them the box and they still gave food back and so you pocketed some potatoes? So as I was handing it back, I like slipped a little bit out and then I handed them the box and they still gave me a refund. Regardless, why? And now you're all hungry though.

Yeah, I went and got something else. What did you get? Um, I forget. You come back through with a mustache? I thought about going to the other KFC up the street and I'm like, no, because then I'm just playing into it. I think I went home.

Playing into it? Wait, you boycotted them for a meal? I'm done no because then I'm just playing into it. I think I went away. You boycotted them for a meal? I'm done. No I'm just boycotted that. I'm not going back to that KFC. Really? They're probably owned by the same people. Well no because they seem incompetent. Like I worry I'm going to show up with a different coupon and they're going to give me shit about it.

But this app, why are you so dedicated to protecting the 25 cents 50 cents of your employer when you can just go eh. yeah that's that's definitely owned by the same person their kfc is franchised yeah i'm sure it's like all the same person you're in in that area well it's in a bad area so i assume the staff is not too smart to be fighting over because i'm in i was in the bathroom like guys just give me the fuck it's on the picture just give it to me what do you care and I wouldn't do it. I never I run into this all the time of like sorry, that's our policy

We can't blow a blonde you're like yeah, but like we're human beings. So let's just Stop pretending that any of this actually matters. You could just give me $20 out of the till and it wouldn't fucking matter And the scheme of things like like this is all an illusion. Is this your speech to get free chicken? This is how I get them to give me money out of the till at KFC's.

Vito, there are no humans on the other side of the window at the drive-thru. But you're right with all the like little like signage everywhere of like, you know, oh, sorry,

you can't loiter here too. Or like, yeah, like parking your car. Oh, you can't park your car in our giant empty parking lot for more, you know, whatever the fuck. You're like, guy, what are you doing? Why are you playing into this system, you know?

Yeah, the security guard who comes to the empty bank parking lot where you're just idling. He's like, oh, sir, you can't get out of the bank. Yeah. Like, I'm meeting a friend. Yeah, whatever. Oh, sir, this is only for bank business. You're like, it's a giant parking lot with like 100 fucking spaces. Just who cares? Let me park an RV here for a business. It's a giant parking lot with like 100 fucking spaces. Just who cares?

Let me park an RV here for a week. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Let people break the rules a little bit. You should be fighting for the common man. If I worked at like a McDonald's, I would be giving out free food like crazy. I'd be hiding apple pies in every fucking order. Hiding apple pies?

Yeah, they'd be like, I didn't order this. And I'm like, just take it. Just take it. I did that all the time when I worked at like restaurants and shit. You give out free food? When I worked at the deli, you know. Bankrupting these restaurants.

I was a deli slicer, right? Slicing the meats or whatever. Okay. Someone would go, I want a pound of ham. Like a wrestler with Mickey Rourke? Yes, I was exactly like Mickey Rourke and the wrestler.

So they'd want a pound of ham right so I'd do it you know and you weigh it you go like that looks like about a pound and then you weigh it it'll be like a pound ten

yeah and you're like oh fucking this guy I asked for a pound and he's dicking me over with another quarter pound so I would just take a couple slices off print the sticker

for a pound and then put the slices back on give him a little extra meat I don't want the touching the meat, though. I'm already touching the meat by slicing it. That's my job. I've already touched it.

Yeah, but it's like more touching. No, no, no. It's too much. I think I even wore gloves or whatever. You're just masking being bad at your job with altruism. No, I was great at my job. I gave everybody a little extra meat, and then one day my supervisor goes,

you know, you're really not supposed to give them an extra little bit of meat. And I'm like, fuck, who fucking cares? You're paying me nothing. If they want to steal, I'll just let them do it. I don't care. I'm not paid enough to care about this. Yeah.

And that's why it's minimum wage slaves. It's people who are making a pittance. And I don't know, like, do they think that if they adhere to the rules hard enough that they're going to be rewarded by the system at some point? Yes. Have you heard of heaven? That's what people are. They believe that.

So they will believe the money that they could see they would get some of if they're just a mindless slave to retarded protocols. No, I'm on the same team as these people. Because when I was working at the deli, I was stealing shit like crazy, man. I was stealing whole ham roasts and whatever the fuck. I'm like, we're on the same team, me and you. We got to get whatever we can out of this system.

I like vague. I forget what the word is when you leave an apartment. Like it's not resign, but whatever that word is. I left an apartment I lived in because of the same shit. I went down to pay my rent and I said, oh, I know I have to renew my lease for another year or something like that. Can I come in like tomorrow or something like that can i come in like uh tomorrow or something and do it just like yeah i think so so i went in the next day with the rent

uh i said okay yeah let me just let me renew it and she goes oh yeah okay well this month it'll be uh 1900 bucks instead of 1400 and i said why and she goes well uh you were supposed to renew by uh you know 3 p.m. or something. The office is closed now. I'm just in here packing up. She tried to charge you $500 for being a couple hours late? I forget exactly what happened because it was like 15 years ago. And I said, wait, what are you?

But you are controlling all this. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, I know, but it's just like the policy. I'm like, that's not the policy! It's you sitting there controlling everything. You're telling me if I would've come in

five minutes ago, the policy would've made you fill out that book and tell me that I owe you 500 less dollars? She's like, yeah. I said,

okay, then I'm out. I'm out. I'm just going. Goodbye. Don't do it. Don't do any of it. I'm not paying anymore. Goodbye.

Yeah, what the fuck, fuck you god damn you bitch and it is always it's always a woman it's always a woman it's always a woman they're so fucking obnoxious when they get a little tiny bit of power

they're so obnoxious with it that's just the policy sir just the policy because they women have no idea how anything works

they think that everything the way it is because everyone is following every rule down the letter and keeping track of it in a fucking notebook with stickers that they put a header on. Oh, I'm about to start learning how to cook. How to cook. Okay, this is how you have to do it. They think the whole world runs because of that. You have to put exactly a quarter sprig of nutmeg or it's going to be wrong. Oh, God, I hate them.

They follow everything to the letter because something's wrong with their brains. Good problem. Thank you. Okay. So that's, what is it? Minimum wage sleeves. Yeah, that's better than the other one that you were going to bring in. Yeah, I know.

I'm going to save that one for another one. Okay, minimum wage. Oh, you were getting ready to rip on my shitty problem? Yeah. A little. All right. All right. Well, I'm glad that I problem? Yeah. A little. All right. Well, I'm glad that I saved this one.

Pity party poopers. I like to see how the show's going, you know, and I keep one in the pocket in case it's like, well, I can switch it up depending. Pity party poopers. I'm trying to think of a better example. Yeah. Oh, how about that lady? There was a protest. A crazy guy was going around,

a guy who was experiencing mental illness was going around an apartment building shooting it up and the cops all had a standoff with him and shot him

and then a bunch of, he was black, a bunch of people protested the cops shooting a black guy and this woman who lived there who has all these

bullet holes in her wall from where she was with her kids. Right. She comes out and she's laying into the protest. She's like, are you fucking kidding me? He was shooting at me and my kids. Fuck you.

And this white guy right away goes, well, at least you're still alive. It's like, oh my God, you'd shoot him. Somebody shoot him right now, please. I was thinking of those guys who get like struck by lightning and they lose all their face and their arms and their legs.

And it's like, yeah, but I rediscovered god yeah didn't you get closer to your maker and now you can be an example to people it's like christopher reeves it's like you know you fell off that horse and you don't get to be superman anymore but isn't it great that you get to inspire people around like no i want to fucking not be paralyzed forever. Jesus Christ. What is it with this show? Christopher Reeve, self-checkout lanes, hating on people who are making more money than you. Ted Bundy. Dick, I've been waiting to mention how much I hate french fries. I've been waiting for the right time to bring it in. Wow.

What's wrong with french fries? They suck. They're terrible. Why? Because they're not that good. They go bad immediately. You can't save them for later. You have to eat them immediately. Oh yeah, Mr. Eating the

biscuit before he even checks for the food. No, I like to save some food for later. He hasn't even put his foot on the accelerator yet. Those biscuits are gone. Fries are just a vehicle for, you know, toppings and flavors. Hamburger stuff is just a vehicle for flavor.

No, no, because meat is good, but a french fry is like nothing. Does it annoy you that really it's just the layer on the outside that's the actual french fry part and the inside is just like carbs and calories? I guess so. I guess that's part of it yeah okay maybe we'll get into it a deeper on a future episode my problem was ssris ssri can i uh i got you guys something let's let's have it what did you bring here you go i uh i figured you would probably enjoy this i wanted to get you that yeah i can't use this is the crack

and black spiced rum look at that. Oh, wow. Justin Wang drinks this. Does he? I saw on Instagram. Good taste. I didn't know what to get Vito, so I figured I would just get him like an Arizona. I love these. I love this stuff. I love the Arizona Green Tea.

This jug? No, no. The Arizona Green Tea. These are delicious. And some Skittles. And some Skittles. Wow. Arizona and Skittles.

There you go. Do you mix those together? I have one of these in my fridge right now. The Green Tea. Oh, good. I'm a big fan. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. The Arizonales. There you go. You mix those together? I have one of these in my fridge right now. The green tea. Oh, good. I'm a big fan. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.

The Arizona tea. Where can people go to see your stuff? Comedy Chew on YouTube and if you want to look up our group on Facebook it's Wrigley Comedy Chew. And isn't there

a Comedy Chew performance coming up? Next week. Featuring friend of the show Josh Denny will be performing in Long Beach. That's right.

Just join our group. Look us up on Facebook. We're all over the place. Wrigley's Comedy Chew. Okay. The listeners in Illinois aren't going to be able to look this up, right? This is just an LA thing. It is, yeah.

But they can check out our clips on our YouTube channel. Our biggest voters are in Chicago. Did you put a clip of me on the YouTube channel? You guys can see Vito doing actual stand-up live. There's a clip of me doing stand-up on the Wrigley's Comedy Chew YouTube. Filmed from the waist up out of respect. Okay, here's some voicemails.

Hey, Dick and Vito. Hi. I just wanted to say that Vito sounds like a very insecure F-slur about his own comic book just because a black man is doing better than him. That's it. That's it? That's all?

Here's the thing. Yeah. Tony is the one who dragged my comic into it. Okay. I would like to divorce my comic from what's going on. Pause there. I'd like to divorce my comic. I would be making... Pause there. I'd like to divorce my comic. I would be making fun of

this bad looking comic. And I was making fun of it before anything I was doing. But it adds a little color to the conversation that you are also trying to do the same thing. It's not the same thing. What I'm doing I find very different.

The difference is that he's selling a little, like, grifter book to, you know, like, win the culture war. I'm just, you know, trying to be creative and talented. Hey, this is Johnny Rico and Vito. I am a massive, legitimate racist, but I still like Eric July. He's one of the good ones. Sorry that you don't like Uncle Tom. It's embarrassing a little bit.

You should support all black people. I only support the good ones, though, because I'm a good racist. Oh, like Candace Owens or whatever the fuck. Yeah. All your favorite little... You don't like Candace Owens? All those little conservative shields that come out and go, Well, actually, George Floyd was a drug dealer.

He was a drug dealer? I believe he was. Oh, I didn't know that. I support him then. I support him as a drug user. Drugs are fun. Drug users, I don't support. Drug dealer, I support. I want more George Floyd statues. Greatest American

hero that ever lived. Let's see. Here we go. I just want to say it's very cute that Vito still believes that art is real and exists. Jesus Christ. How about that? I mean, the further we go down the road, it's clear that, yes, it's just all garbage from heads to toe. The hustle is the art.

That's the artwork yeah it's a performance art piece i know i hate that you hate it you ever see a popular what's that guy who put like a shark in formaldehyde um god his name is damien hurst is that it i don't know regardless yeah it is the uh is it duchamp it's the late... Yeah. The impermanence of something. The spectacle. The permanence of death in the mind of someone living. Yeah. There's a lot of untalented artists who are selling a lot of art. Physical impossibility of death in the mind of someone who's blah, blah, blah.

Damien Hirst. Damien Hirst. Who put a shark in formaldehyde inside a wooden box. And then the shark started rotting away, so he had to make a different one. You know that's not the original shark anymore, because he had no fucking idea what he's doing yeah that's all part of it whatever he just took a dead shark and he put it in a box um yeah next you're gonna say that nfts aren't real art or that you can copy them are you a right clicker you think you're right click you can right click around i think i think nfts are only exciting if

they're a uh If they're races. No, if they have additional functionality. Like what? They go wink? No, if they can be used as an access pass to special events or... Like a video game skin? Like a ticket? Yeah, like a ticket.

I think they should be a ticket. That's exciting. Yeah, I think... Check out this ticket. I think that's why those... Oh, ticket stub people are going to get worse. I think that's why those monkeys are so exciting to people. They get you into places and they have little monkey parties and shit.

I think the idea of just owning a JPEG, no, does not excite me. Okay, let's see this. Oh, this comic book is bad. I don't have to read it to know that it's bad. But if you don't like the new Lord of the Rings show, you just need to wait for it to come out so you can watch it before you make an opinion on it. Why did you call in?

Oh, why did I call in? Okay, the Lord of the Rings show, the only criticism is that there are black people in it. That's not a valid criticism. Well, your criticism is that there's a black guy doing it. No, that's not what my criticism is. If you said, like, I've looked into the like here's a very good criticism of the luring show okay the showrunners for it have like no history of like any sort so if you come to me and you say like they have like i think they've worked on like riverdale or something they seem woefully

unprepared to handle of what is apparently the most expensive television show of all time. So criticisms like that, I am totally open to hearing. I don't give a shit about that, though. You can't have black people in Lord of the Rings. I go, well, that's just silly to me. Why not? Okay. No more talk of this sort.

Let's hear from an old favorite. Oh, no! Hello, boys! No! It is I, the Niggler! Not the Niggler, no! I'm sorry to hear that someone swatted you.

Oh, yeah. I would like to make it perfectly clear that I have no hand in it. Wow. I have multiple henchmen that can vouch for my whereabouts. It was more than a niggle. It would not be in line with a niggler. I would never do so low as to swat someone

before they even went live. Yeah. That's true. They mistimed it. Amateur. It's very amateur. Uh-oh. I hear you're a little upset that a black conservative

No, no. No, no. Bunch of money. No, Niggler, that's not. There, there. Just to cheer you up, I'm signing up to the super killer mailing list. Oh, thank you, Niggler. I'm sure you'll raise twice as much as that Eric.

Wow. I don't think that's going to happen. Anyways, till next time. Superkiller.org. Rick Baskisson and Vito Gisalte. Gisalte. Oh! The Niggler strikes again.

Wow, I really am annoyed by that guy. He's a very helpful niggler. He wasn't even really trying to... Did he niggle us? Well, he just wanted to say that he didn't swat me. Yeah. That he was signing up to your mailing list. Those are all good things.

But then he was sarcastic about you not making as much as... Oh, I guess he does niggle me a little bit there. That would niggle me if I was running my mouth. He wasn't getting me. All right, should we do super chats? Let's do super chats. Absolutely. Let me load it up.

Properly. The way it's supposed to be. Again, don't forget to vote on the problems. We're going to put them up after the show at biggestproblem.show. You got to vote it up, as the song told you. No, don't. Let's see if I can find the super chats. There you go.

Vote up all the problems now and never stop. Stop. No, keep going. If you don't vote them up, there would be no show. You gotta vote for all the problems. I think it's probably a bad show. Come on now. That was perfect.

It's a perfect sting. What, are we not getting any? Oh, there they are. Perfectly executed. Vote up all the problems at biggestproblem.show. Don't forget the bonus episodes are available at patreon.com slash biggestproblem, including our most recent one, The Biggest Problem in America. And tell us what we should do the next one on.

The next bonus episode. If you have a suggestion for the next bonus episode. Like biggest problem in summer or biggest problem. Usually some theme to what's going on or if a movie just came out. What do you think, Steven? I was thinking something Hollywood related. Sorry, Halloween related. Maybe a...

Well, it's, you know, it's August. When do we do that? Once October rolls around, we might do a Halloween one. Spookiest problem in uh or we could do a halloween one now and mix things up i think that would be very bizarre all right anyway uh barbecue food everyone pretends to like that's a good problem it's the biggest problem in summer i think so that's a big problem what is a bad barbecue food people that don't know how to buy a watermelon, buying a ton of watermelon and bringing sandy-ass wet watermelon to your party. That's very specific.

Mealy watermelon. When you cook all the meat at the party and you get an angry text from Dick Masterson going, where's my meat? Who takes home leftovers? I've never seen in my life, maybe I just didn't pay attention, but since I started throwing parties, these motherfuckers come in like scavengers. Hey, you mind if I take some of that meat home? Like, all of the meat, then I wake up the next

day hungover, looking for meat. Guess how much meat there is to be found? None. I left all, like, 90% of the carne asada. Uncooked. No, I left it cooked. It was in foil. You left the cooked carne asada? Yes. I gotta talk to somebody then, because I was... I didn't even take

very much carne asada, because I didn't want it I just took a couple pieces and then I took the rest of it and I put it in foil and I left it on the table What are you running? A kitchen over there to give food away?

I guess I am I took my hot dogs that I brought with me because I didn't think you were going to cook the rest of them You can't take your stuff back from a food home I cooked some hot dogs

for the party and then nobody wanted them I'm like well I'll take them because nobody else is going to eat them Vito do me a favor just drink some of that. I'm like, well, I'll take them because nobody else is going to eat them. Vito, do me a favor. Just drink some of that Arizona. I'm going to take what's left, alright? He didn't want my disgusting hot dogs anyway. Alright,

MrDrunk0123 for $4.99 says, Masterson is looking skinny. Thanks. Been working out, Dick? Well, I got my arm back so I can do Pilates again. I can't lift any weights, but at least I can do a little something. You got that scar, huh?

It's gross. It is gross. Fucking hurts. Oh, yeah. Sad. Tabmok99 for five. The biggest problem in Star Wars is the watch order. There were two trilogies. So the sixth episode is the third and the third episode, Revenge of the Sith, is sixth. Are they just trying to get me to say

sixth at this point? Yeah. Anyway, pop quiz for $19.99. Wow, that's a big one. Masterson only wants co-hosts that are fatter than him. Very smart. Makes him look good. For some reason, in comedy, if you want to do comedy, if I was doing a

podcast about actualizing your business dreams in crypto, then I would be the fattest one. Because it's comedy, everyone a podcast about like actualizing your business dreams crypto then I would be the fattest one because it's comedy everyone is a fat sack of shit except you who's only kind of a fat sack of shit umpty madoo for

two veto that stinger sucks make a different one I like the stinger vote it up vote up all the problems now it never stops you know I like the stinger. You gotta vote it up. Vote up all the problems now and never stop. You know. If you listen to the radio, it would be like, stop.

You can cut it, though. You have the ability to cut it. No, you made the stinger play the stinger. Oh, my God. Nate Ring for 10 says, thanks for the follow the other day, Vito. I'll always support you, even though we disagree on a lot. You're still a funny guy in my opinion. That's very passive aggressive.

What do you disagree on? I don't know. A lot. Well, did I follow you on Twitter or where? I don't remember where I followed you, but thank you, Nate. You probably said something I like. Gut for two, Masterson, are you on shrooms? Shrooms.

Why are you so darn sweaty? I don't know. I'm a sweaty guy. It's hot. It's a heat wave. It's hot. It's a heat wave. Yeah, I've always been very sweaty. You're also of the Mexican persuasion.

Slickford for five says the biggest problem in the universe is mud butt slash swamp ass. That is a big problem. It is. Pota for five. At least the Q2 wasn't barbed like the real thing. Thank you for reminding me. I have to go throw away the shitty underpants in my trash before- Why do you have shitty underpants in your trash? I said I

shit in my pants. When? Like, yesterday. Oh. Good work. So focus on the super chats. He says, give Vito some slack. He cares about animals a lot. It's true. A male cat, it would be far worse. This is

like a very nice, simple procedure. You need a lot more Q-tips. I think that was worse than the cuties thing. Yeah, really. No, it's good. It's clinical. David Gomez for five. It's not a clinic. It's a clinic. It is a clinic. David Gomez for five. Reminder that Vito

wouldn't read a black man's comic if there was only six. Is he trying to say like the- Six. No, no. He's trying to say it all messed up, though. He's trying- Yeah, the- What do you call those people?

Six? Seek? Seek comics in existence. If there were only six. I think he's just- Yeah, I'm trying to make fun of you. I have no idea what he's putting there. Spider Eternal for two

so tom cruise was right all along best timeline everyone is saying antidepressants are poison yeah more than tom cruise was saying but let's be clear i was saying this for a long time yeah i'm totally vindicated this is a week of my vindication said that because he wants you to worship an alien like he didn't say it because he's like some great truth teller it'd probably be more helpful elron hubbard has not been vindicated this day yeah let's see mike hunt for five veto knows eric's comic will be trash right wing crap before ever reading it the same way i know rings of power will be woke trash before seeing it yeah that's true you know the lord of power. I don't know if it's going to be woke.

It's all, dude, even if the elf comes out and they go, they don't treat us black elves right, then yeah, you win. But I don't know that. They're going to say that. They're going to say, actually, they'll say something worse than that. They'll probably say, like, yeah, I don't know. They might say, like, we don't trust. I bet there will be a scene when a bunch of white people, like, kick a black dwarf who's, like, waiting their tables and stuff.

And he spills all his shit. And they're like, hey, hey, hey. And they kick him. And then the black elf comes over and he's like, hey, I'm Salaka Maleka, my brother. I've seen what those guys did to you. We got to fight the power. Yeah. And he's like, a black elf?

I didn't even, I didn't know we could be elves. We could be friends. A black hobbit comes out and they all have dinner. Slim Willis 96 for 5. I need to stop listening to the show when I'm driving. Every time Dick laughs, it sounds like the brakes are wearing down on my 23 Chevy.

I know what you're trying to do. You spelled the name of a car which I'm not going to read because it's trying to trick me into saying a thing. A tuba farfara? Yeah. A Chevy tuba farra. One of those classic Chevy vehicles that we all know

and love. They're getting sneaky with them. Yeah, they're not sneaky enough. That's the stupidest looking fake car name I've ever seen in my life. PT. You never see a PT. No. If you made it like a PT Cruiser, but that's not gonna get you there. Mike Hunt for two. Where's my other side? I'm wasting away over here. Exactly.

I need my other side of my Mac. Oh. I need both sides. I just can't get over that you ate the biscuit before. Yeah, I was like chomping on it and then as I'm looking through and who's doing what I always do in the drive. I always eat the biscuit the second I leave the KFC. Yeah, I was like chomping on it and then as I'm looking through and... I always eat the biscuit the second I leave the KFC. I'm excited for my

biscuit. I like the biscuit. David Gomez for five, you know, talking about taking money, shows he's never worked a real job. I would disagree with that. What do you mean? Why does it talk about taking money show you never worked a real job? Yeah, I think stealing means you've worked in a real job absolutely oh yeah

every job i've ever had i robbed blind except for my buddy's card store because my buddy owned it yeah i'm working for a corporation i believe there's no rules yeah and if you're paying me minimum wage there's an implicit agreement that i'm gonna steal some stuff yeah if you don't want me to steal some stuff you can pay me you don't want me to steal some stuff, you can pay me more. Unless it's a mom, unless a person owns it. Yeah, if an actual,

I'm saying if it's like a corporate thing where I don't even know who owns it or where the money goes to. Yeah, destroy it. Yeah, absolutely. Vito, I can't tell if your glasses are too small for your face or if your face is too small for your glasses. Happy birthday to my girlfriend, Amy. Happy birthday,

Amy, from General Zeptic for $4.99. Wow. Someone in this audience has a girlfriend? I know. Isn't that crazy? It's probably a guy. John riffs for two. Eric July's... Amy's probably a guy, you're saying? Very positive. Okay. Eric July's PayPal has been frozen. We did it.

We did it! Hey! Why would his PayPal be frozen? I don't know. Because he was done with his PayPal. Oh, he probably just got too much money all at once. And they're like, is this drug money? Oh, yeah. Coincidence.

Probably. Well, no. They usually... I'm not saying it's good. You know how many of my accounts have been canceled by regular banks over nothing? But it seems like if you overnight go from making nothing to making $3 million that they run like an automatic fraud detection on it. But didn't he kickstart it?

No, he- It was PayPal? No, he made his own website to accept donations. He basically made the whole thing before he even launched it. So it wouldn't be like, you got to wait two years to get it. He made it- They're going to get them soon. He already made the comic?

The comic is already printed as As far as we know. So what the fuck is the fundraising for? It's not actually a fundraiser. He's just selling copies. It's like a joke. Oh, now he's just... This is what you should have gone with. Fake crowdfunding? Yeah. No, it's... That's true. Everyone's been calling it crowdfunding.

It's not crowdfunding. No, it's not right. He's just selling a comic. Yeah, he even says it's not crowdfunding. He just realized that people react really strongly to a stupid bar going up and they go we gave him three million dollars so far we did it and it's like no he already paid it's already printed i'm on your side now it's a fake it's literally just a weird little psychological trick to make you feel like you're that's not art building up i mean it's it's it worked i'm not gonna knock him for that that's marketing that's not art that's advertising anyway i don't think he i'm saying i don't think his paypal was frozen because he's a dangerous

libertarian i'm sure it was like an automatic fraud detection and they'll bring it back pretty i mean they don't care there's so many like there's so many just bitter liberals working at all of these payment processors any one of them could just do it to fuck them over even if they uncover it they want the cut they want whatever the pay do not care about the cut there's like all these people i saw nick ricada talking about that on twitter like i make you money what what we bring to their platforms is nothing yeah well absolutely nothing and they have the same attitude you're talking about like just stealing they don't care operation yeah yeah well that's that has been what i've said is that people say the comics game has changed i Yeah, well, compared to some other things. And they have the same attitude you were talking about, like just stealing from the corporation.

Yeah, yeah. Well, that has been what I've said, is that people say the comics game has changed. And I go, listen, man, he could make $5 million. It's still a drop in the bucket to the overall comic market. So you're right. They probably don't care. Anyway, moving on.

Coffee split for five. I got fatter listening to Vito's problem. Do yourself a favor and save yourself a year of your life by not drinking that delicious Arizona green tea with ginseng and honey. Fart. Try to make him laugh. Oh, God.

You have a lot of nice stuff here. About on that side. That is some... How many calories did you just drink? Like a biscuit? There's 1,100 calories in this whole thing. Oh, is that all? It's not terrible.

How much is in a thing that size of water? Like how much of this is water? Arizona's cheap because it's mostly water. It's tea. Oh, wow. What? Tea costs nothing to brew. No, I said how many calories Would be in about that size of water

Oh zero That's not tea it's full of sugar It doesn't have that much I don't think it has that much sugar It has a lot of sugar man 25 grams of sugar total They don't put sugar in tea It's just steeped

It's 1100 calories if I drank the whole thing, and I didn't drink the whole thing, so we're fine. Shut the fuck up. Let me see that label. Go nuts. It's Arizona tea. I'm not saying it's good for you. I'm not saying it's like health drink.

Okay, 1,100 calories. But how many do you drink in one sitting? I don't... How long is that going to last you? This will last me like a month. A month? Yeah. You have one every other day?

No, not even. I don't drink it that quick. Oh, okay. Mostly I drink Diet Coke. You tell us. You bring it into the show when that thing's gone. As a fat Mexican, that thing will last me like three days. Get me my own fridge here.

Can I leave it in the fridge here? No, I don't want it. Not until you drink it right out of the bottle like that. That's disgusting. Fatics for five. Can't stop laughing at the like that. That's disgusting. Fatics for five. Can't stop laughing at the fact that biscuit didn't even last long enough for you to drive to the other side of the building. It's a biscuit.

Why? I just eat the biscuit. Why is that? Whatever. I took issue with that, too. You guys are stupid. Darius Rankova for five. Women following rules is the most eye-couchingly frustrating thing in the world.

Oh, they're so bad. It kind of is. And then I dated a girl that would compulsively not follow the rules, which was also frustrating. Like, she would say, if a parking lot was full, she'd say, like, well, just park in that little nub at the end with the lines on it. No.

Like, well, I mean, my car would get towed. I got fired from a job, and I still had the key to the building, so I went in and I stole a television and the next day and my girlfriend was in the car with me and she's all nervous she won't say anything and the next day I see her internet search history and it's

like how much like what are the penalties for stealing and like how much jail time will you get and I'm like they're not gonna know if you shut your fucking mouth and let me steal this tv and uh she was all yeah she was all worried about yeah i don't know what am i an accomplice if i was an accomplice anonymously report i'm like babe i stole like a 300 tv it doesn't matter't matter. Like they, again, you fire me.

I get to take one thing from the office. I took a TV. Were you showing off for her? No, I was just like, I need to stop here real quick. That's some Italian. I need to stop here real quick.

Mafia Vito. Wait in the car. And I came out cause we had like 12 TVs we had bought for a convention to like show off our video game or whatever. Okay. And they're just waiting to be show off our video game or whatever. Okay. And they're just waiting to be returned. Narrowing it down an awful lot. Oh, they're going to prosecute me now.

It's been a while. What's the statute of limitations on the... Ask your girlfriend to search it. They can have the TV back. I don't want it anymore. It's a piece of shit now. And yeah, whatever. I dragged the TV out.

They were going to return to the Costco anyway. They didn't care. That malware for five. Did you hear about the experiment where they found... I'm not reading that. Ice shoves caulk? Yeah. Caulk?

Caulk. Caulk. Ice shoves. Ice shoves. That doesn't sound like ice shoves. No, not close enough. Mike Hunt for two. People who bring healthy food to barbecue.

Why? Oh, yeah. There you go. Did anyone bring healthy food to your barbecue? I don think so no thankfully mike hunt for five the only reason dick's arm bust is because he does high volume training do mike menser heavy duty training it protects and strengthens your tendons mike menser heavy duty training. Never heard of him. Let me write that down. Mike Menser. This will be the 20th thing that I was told is why my arm ripped off. Jake Shelton. By everyone who's not a doctor.

Everyone knows. Doctor didn't have any sort of... Doctor just had too much torque on the tendon. Have you asked the bowler yet? The bowler? Like a professional bowler? Bowler? No.

I should ask them. Yeah. Jake Shelton for five says you guys need To be something Yeah And say Who submitted the rhyme From last week Lol

Glad I could help the show For a second time Oh yeah You know what It was Jake Shelton With the rhyme I guess I did I meant

When I copied it I was like Oh no I have to make sure I copy his name And you just forgot But then I I messed up the copy

Like I copied the wrong thing And put it And then I got distracted So then I printed it out When I got to read it here I thought God damn it. Well, Jake, thanks for your fantastic rhyme.

We're going to refresh, see if there's any other super chats. You can keep super chatting. We're still going to keep reading them as they come in. If you got any, you want to get in there. Nope, that's it. All right, well, put up a little graphic for me, Dick. Oh, yeah. Come on.

I've been good at remembering. I want to thank all the Dickheads and veto files Our top supporters for the month of July If you would like to be on the list of our top supporters Become a veto file plus or a dickhead plus today At patreon.com Slash biggest problem Goodbye Goodbye everybody thanks for being a fan

I love you See you later