The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 50

Episode Date: July 31, 2022

Game Journalists, Animal Abuse, Overly Courteous Drivers, Occupational Stereotypes, Discontinued Food Fakeouts

And I just mute it. Yeah, that makes sense. Perfectly done. Perfect transition for a perfect show. We could have one of your songs. Well, I mean, wait for the proper time. You gotta vote it up. No.

Vote up all the problems. What were you talking about? What do you mean, what was I talking about? Oh, shit, I was supposed to get stuff ready. Wait, what do you mean, get stuff ready? I didn't get any of the I didn't get any of the stuff ready. I know I got distracted

doing all that crap that you were insisting that I do. Okay. Well I just wanted the viewers to have some pre-show music and then we spent 20 minutes

fighting about what pre-show music and how to play Mega Man ship tunes properly. You what what it was done it was a lot of good yeah it was done for good reasons it was done for very good reasons okay well dick i'm excited i feel like last show was like a lot went down like a lot of different things happened got a lot of voicemails i bet there's like a ton of voicemail my girlfriend came down here before the show and goes she goes uh you were hiding sour skittles from me that i could have been eating all week did you have

some sour skittles no that's another thing is that steven Torres Buried the joke Oh the joke Did you get Trayvon Martin Yeah Yeah well I guess he told us He told us after the show And I'm like Well that's the kind of thing You would say on the show

Well there's no joke It's just like a reference It needs a joke It's kind of a joke I don't know You buy someone Skittles and a Iced tea

You're referencing The murder And a hoodie And a hoodie. Well, that's the thing. You didn't include a hoodie of Trayvon Martin. He should have included some Robitussin or some Dimetab. Did he really have Robitussin on him? Let's see. Was a

teenage male buying Skittles and was he buying all the Sazerup ingredients? No, no, no. Minus the thing that gets you high. You can't buy Dimetab or Robitussin because he had it at no. But you can't buy that shit. Minus the thing that gets you high. You can't buy Dope, Diamond Tap, or Robitussin because he had it at home.

At 7-Eleven. That's the point. But he brought it with him to the 7-Eleven? No, he had it at home. So he was going home to make Sazerup. Yeah.

Okay. What else are you going to do? Maybe you just wanted Skittles and iced tea. I've wanted iced tea before. And Skittles. Oh, I don't usually eat Skittles. And you're a hoodlum.

Do you? Hoodlum. Jesus Christ. And you're a hoodlum. This is why I'm going to get usually eat and you're a hudlum do you hudlum jesus and you're a hudlum this is why i'm gonna get canceled and you're every time we do this white men like george no no the white george semerman the great white hope oh my god the great white man george skittles do you melt them down to make the syrup is that that part of it? You just melt them down. That's not meth. Well, I don't. You just mix it up. It's sugar, like a Zima with a Jolly Rancher. So you take iced tea. You have built.

The reason that you think that this is racist is because you have a prejudice towards drug abuse. I don't live on the streets. I don't know all the different drugs everyone's doing. I think it's very possible that a teenager just wanted Skittles and iced tea. Also, how are we like 10 seconds into the show and then we're already on this? It's very possible that a teenager just wanted Skittles and iced tea. Also, how are we like 10 seconds into the show and we're already on this? It's nonsense. Why not talk about it?

These things need to be talked about until we're dead. I guess. We just need to talk about George Zimmerman, the white man that accosted a black guy. He was white passing, you know? He had white privilege. He wasn't white passing? I don't know guy he was white passing you know he had white privilege white passing I don't know what he was

he had a his facial hair might as well have just spelled out I'm Mexican on it he had one of those

that's the way my facial hair came in when I was 13 he had internalized white privilege and it caused him to act out

in a Zimmerman white way it was very much a he said she said there's no footage we don't know what happened no it wasn't he said It was very much A he said she said There's no footage We don't know what happened

No it wasn't He said That's what it was Well He said He says Trayvon Jumped the top So what do you think

It's hilarious To make fun of Ashley Babbitt But you don't think It's funny That Trayvon Martin Got his ass Shot We saw what happened

With Ashley Babbitt What's the difference A wild animal woman Tried to climb Through a barricade Let me get this straight. Trayvon, I don't know what happened. Ashley Babbitt, funny, yes or no?

Yeah, it's hilarious. Okay. Trayvon Martin, funny, yes or no? Okay. Sandy Hook kids. Not funny. That's not funny. No.

What's the difference? His kids died. That sucks. So they're dead. Go to their graves, dig them up, put little earplugs in their ears so they don't have to hear us making fun of them. Would that be better? Would that be better?

I don't, I just think, the Ashley Bamba thing is funny because she got what she deserved. Those kids were, you know, just minding their own business. They weren't trying to overthrow the government. They should have been. They should have been, sure. Anyone that's not trying to overthrow the government at all times, what's coming to them?

They were in kindergarten. They should have been training. They should have been learning their VVVs, not their ABCs. All right. Alcohol.

Are we ready to go? Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims. The super chats are rolling in already, but not fast enough. That's true. Not fast enough. Don't forget to super chat. This show is going to be a nightmare.

Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The Universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From fake happy pills to Vito's cat climaxing skills. Well, that's not... I'm your host, Nick Madison. Joining me as always is Vito. Hi.

Vito. Hi, Dick. The cat blaster. All week. Just cat blaster All week All week I've been hearing about this What have you been hearing? That I'm a cat molester apparently

Oh yeah? Yeah Cat rapist A cat rapist? That I Yeah It's not a rape if she comes That's

That's not a rule You ever heard that one? I have heard that I don't think that's true You think that was one of Trayvon Martin's last thoughts? It was consensual. I mean, let's be clear. Oh, you think animals can consent to human sexual contact?

Well, what do you call it? What about when you jerk off a champion racehorse? Is that against the rules? Why does it have to be a champion? Does that color my perception of what you're saying? Well, because you're trying to make more champions. But you're adding this monetary element to it. What if a hot chick's doing it? Yeah, there you go. Make more champions. But you're adding this monetary element to it. Why animal husbandry?

What if a hot chick's doing it? Yeah, there you go. Is that different? Animal husbandry is a branch of science. Perverts. No, no. It's a branch of perverts. No, no.

That whole industry is filled to the brim with perverts. Everyone, you can do whatever you want to an animal. They're not people. It doesn't count. It annoys me that a female is experiencing pleasure. That's what you're upset about most. That's what really upsets me. So when you talk about checking off a horse, it's like, yeah, that's fine.

I mean, I got it. But you're talking about like a female of any species? Yeah. That ain't right. Can I also clarify? I think I didn't clarify this on the show i did it once and then i immediately got her fixed all right i just so you knew that it was wrong what you did it wasn't wrong i needed to sleep oh and this cat would not shut the fuck up the only thing

that would put me down is making my cat come so i did it once and then like two days later i got her fixed wow i'm Wow. I'm not like finding cats on the street and jerking them off, okay? It's not like a fun hobby yet. So you got her fixed right after? You couldn't wait until you wanted to give her one last hurrah? I guess so. I guess

she kind of deserved one. No, because she wouldn't shut the fuck up. They don't shut up. Have you ever experienced a cat in heat no literally experienced a woman not in heat because all there was a certain internet commentator who was who was trying to make fun of me about it buddy everyone's making fun of you about it well they're wrong successfully they're wrong because even he had to admit well when my cat was in heat it is truly horrible and it went on for days and i was like well why didn't you just put a q-tip up her pussy

there you go and just get the job done i'm never gonna be ashamed of this i don't feel shame like i've done anything wrong right i and this is this is you can find guides to do it yourself you those of you at home who are thinking about it. Super chat if you disagree with Vito. If you want to tell him what you think of this. Super chat if you know this is normal behavior. There's YouTube videos

you can watch. How to get your cat off? Yeah. I was watching them all weekend. Getting progressively more excited with each one. That was from Kiwi.

The rhyme for the show. Fantastic. SSRIs was a big winner last week. What do you think about that? I think the audience is biased against the neurodivergent, as they call them. People hate SSRIs because they've been billed as this fix-all. Wonder cure. They make people go nuts and fuck with their brains

and then they get all up their ass like they're gonna tell you how it works and you're like well science don't even know how it works so how the fuck are you gonna tell me how you just have to accept you go I'm a weak person like that's it don't lord it over everybody else like oh I've

I know how alcohol works it's a weakness that you indulge upon, and it changes your mental state. Yeah. Just don't go to everybody and go, oh, you're going to fix your life. It's not fixing your life. It's giving up. You know how many speeches that people have given about how SSRIs work? Like, oh, well, it's the serotonin.

It's the reuptake inhibitor. Now it's like, I want to go back in time and go like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, by the way, what he's saying, that shit doesn't matter at all. That shit doesn't matter. Why? Did they just assume that was what was happening? Science, man. Science just makes shit up.

Do you get it yet now? All right, I feel like we're going down another fucking rabbit hole. All of it's horseshit. Some science is very good and solid. Minimum wage slaves. That was a good problem for me. They were neck and neck. Some people did go to the KFC on Yelp and leave some. Good and solid. Minimum wage slaves. That was a good problem for me. They were neck and neck.

Some people did go to the KFC on Yelp and leave some... I should have. You didn't bring that in? I posted them on the Facebook group. Too busy masturbating your cat. I brought in a bunch of stuff. I can go to the Facebook group and bring up the reviews. Yeah, bring it up. Then Pity Party Poopers.

Stevens. He did a good job. He did a good job. Thank you, Steven, for coming in From the comedy chew Takesh Moshiana said I've been a biggest problem fan When Trixie was still Digibro At the tail end of catching up

I've listened to The Dick Show weekly Since about 2019 And followed the reboot Since it started Thanks I've never laughed harder And longer

From these three podcasts Than when Dick played The voted up stinger For the second time To confirm how long it was. We've got to play it again. We've already heard it. You've got to vote it up.

Vote up all the problems now and never stop. Vito, do not cut the voted up stinger. If you don't vote them up, there would be no show you've got to vote for all the problems. It's a good sting. People clearly like the sting. Stinger? I've seen some people be like, yeah, you gotta upload it so I can have it as a ringtone

or whatever else. Oh, yeah, that's what you need. We'll put it on the site. I'm surprised you wouldn't sell it. I'm gonna sell it for a dollar. Yeah, a dollar and download on iTunes. I'm gonna be rich. God's God said, Vito complaining about a coupon he didn't read is another reason to vote up Fat Brain. If the coupon has a picture of a cheeseburger.

Then why are you reading? And then you show up and they go, this coupon's only for a chicken sandwich. Who's in the wrong? Not you. Not you. I agree. Thank you.

It's like if you order a whore and this busted, the girl doesn't match the picture. At all. You're like, you doesn't match the picture and you're like you don't match the picture at all it's just like well what do you didn't you read it says we can send you the most busted ass you know well i specifically requested cassandra um fingers said vote up ssris here's how many mood balancers anti-psychotics and ssris doctors put me on from age 17 to 23. Sometimes

6 to 7 of these a day have fucked me up for years. Let me see if I've got Ulf Fingerman's SSRI counter here. Here we go. Wow. Yeah, that's a big ol' list. That's the thing is they just

spin you around. They go, why don't we put you on Lexapro for three months? Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Abilify, Gedeon, Cymbalta, Lithium, Adderall, Prestique, Sterata, Klonopin, Xanax, Zyroquel, Zyprexa. Zyprexa. Zanamon. Once you go through three. Gatomon.

You're like, I'm out. Yeah. I don't think you guys know what you're doing. These are all Digimon names that he listed. He tricked you. No, I know those. Xanamon Once you go through three Gatomon You're like I'm out Yeah I don't think you guys know what you're doing These are all Digimon names That he listed He tricked you No I know those Zyprexa

Seroquel This is a journey through my dating history These are all I know a girl for each one of these And yeah I don't even know the difference But it seems like they're all Respederol Aldatol

Lithium's like the original one Lithium's intense Lithium works I knew a guy on lithium Oh yeah? He was fucking crazy before he got on it But that's like I don't know if that's an SSRI

No, it's lithium Yeah It's an element Boop Oh really? It's just like pure lithium? It's not like Yeah, like helium

That's fucking weird It turns out if you give helium to schizophrenics Same effect Same effect It chills them out as well Alright But they go around talking like assholes Yeah, like helium. That's fucking weird. It turns out if you give helium to schizophrenics, same effect. Same effect. It chills them out as well. All right. But they go around talking like assholes and pisses them off. Oh, fuck us.

I don't feel crazy anymore. Yeah. That's beautiful. Mr. Magic AL, Stephen Torres' gift to Vito at the end, the green tea and Skittles, were the same things found on Trayvon Martin's body At the time of his death Was Stephen also making a support black people joke at Vito He was

And it was very under the radar Subtle It was a subtle joke That's how I like my Trayvon Martin jokes Real subtle I don't like any Trayvon Martin jokes Why? What about that makes you uncomfortable? Guy fucked around and he found out We don't like any Trayvon Martin jokes. Let's keep it. Why? What about that makes you uncomfortable?

Guy fucked around, he found out. Okay, we don't know what happened. He fucked around. How do you know he fucked around? Maybe he didn't fuck around. I didn't get killed that day. Well, I wasn't fucking around. I don't go around looking for fat, white Mexicans going around and saying, hey man, why are you following me around? Someone's following me.

I'm fucking out of there. You run away? Yeah, I'm gone. Well, maybe you didn't think the guy was in a truck. Maybe he shouldn't have. If he ran, it might have been worse for him. You don't know. First of all, he had all those Skittles in his pocket. Oh, he should have used those. Pocket sand. Yeah, he should have thrown the Skittles down like caltrops.

George Zimmerman, the white man, would have gone, Oh, shit! Everyone knows Skittles are the ultimate escape. Or at least he should have put them down if he was sneaking up on them. The Skittles probably gave him away. He's sneaking around with his stealth, right? Closing his eyes, closing his mouth so you can't see him in the dark. Right?

Yeah. Going around, and then he was right about to pounce on George Zimmerman, the white man, and the Skittles went... And George Zimmerman goes... And gave him away. Whap! Like the Goblin Slayer. Wham! No, no. No, Whap! Like the Goblin Slayer. Wham!

No, no. No, no. Not like the Goblin Slayer. Then George Zimmerman's just getting beat, and he's fiddling around for his gun. He's like, oh, oh, God, stop hitting my face! Stop hitting my face! Boom!

I don't think that's, I don't, I, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, I know you're trying to turn it around on me I get it Because it's just as funny If Ashley Babick is getting killed It's funny and so is everybody else who got killed It's a little different I think Okay I mean you can still make the joke it's fine I just you know Joshua Perry says Vito Quote

They can't just accept that someone else is more successful than them So they claim oh what they're doing isn't real comedy. Then he sees a black man making money, and he says that's not real art. What do you think about that? I think that I have proven that I'm doing comedy. I'm not saying Eric Gellani is not making a comic. I'm just saying it's not any good, though. Yeah, it's not good.

If what's-his-name said, if Frank Pellegrino wants to say Vito's a comedian, he's just a shitty one, that would be way more fair than saying I'm not a comedian at all. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, that would be fine. Okay. I'm saying Eric is absolutely making a comic. It's just going to suck.

Okay. Well. Well. I mean, I think it'll be great. Well, we're going to see. It might, you know what? It might be good. Maybe, we're going to see. You know what? It might be good. Maybe he hired all the right people.

Tom Bumbly says, I like Vito getting upset over the guy saying Vito's not doing comedy right while talking about the other guy's not doing comics right. Yeah, that was the same. I genuinely like Vito, CG says. I appreciate his insight even on politics. Why is every comment about what I'm doing or what I'm saying? I don't know. I can't think like a gay liberal, so I'm happy to have him here to navigate for us.

The reason I get frustrated with him is the holier-than-thou and I am integrity schticks. Calling anyone you disagree with a, quote, piece of shit is never going to win people over. Rikada, Razorfist, Quarteringing, Eric Chalai Geeks and Gamers All pieces of shit Nick Rikata's okay Cause we made Pete Here's the thing Quartering's okay too

What about Razor Fist? He's okay I don't honestly The only things I've seen from him I've been like Is kinda Okay Kinda not great

Okay But I don't know enough I don't know enough about him Well the only thing Remaining Dick Is for my very popular segment, Voted Up. Okay. Now, some people did not like the previous stinger. Okay. So I have a new stinger.

You want me to play it? Yeah. All right. Voted up, voted up. You know just where to go Voting up Voting up Biggest problem

Voting up Voting up If you don't vote There will be no show Voting up Voting up If you don't vote, there will be no show. Voting up. Voting up. It's longer.

Don't vote. Is it? Voting up. Voting up. Voting up. You used two tracks just for that piece at the end? I think it's the same, if not shorter. That's not. Was it longer?

I wasn't sure. Dick! Important part of this show is to vote on the problems, of course. You can vote on the problems at biggestproblem.show. And comment on the Discord, the official Discord, with voted-up type situations. These are past problems that maybe deserve a second look. On the previous show, we did minimum wage slaves, which people were excited about and even went to the KFC Yelp and left some comments, which I have here from Vance J on Yelp.

This is the KFC that wouldn't give you the free mashed potatoes. Yes, exactly. Left a two-star review saying the three-piece meal coupon is false advertisement. It clearly shows two sides. The piece of chicken, mashed potatoes,

and biscuit were pretty good though. General S, however, left a five-star review saying I visited here and the service was absolutely amazing. I had a coupon that was for a three-piece chicken with one side,

but the picture had two sides. They informed me the coupon actually said it only included one side, so they gave me the mac and cheese for free. These women provided the most professional customer service I've ever experienced. Vito is a weirdo and didn't deserve that mac and cheese. Glad he didn't get it. He's weird with his cat. From General S.

Kind of, uh... Seems like... Could have been worse. Seems like, yeah. Could have been much worse. He was throwing a bit of shade at me. Well, that's minimum wage slings. And another one,

a problem I think you might want to vote up, is kink shaming, Dick. Okay. This story comes to us from Noblesville, Indiana. Well, we have to play the... Vote it up! Vote it up! Okay, you know, you don't have to do the whole thing.

It's 40 seconds. It's a little longer than I remember it being. Right there. I feel like you gotta get the whole thing, though. This is your voice? It doesn't sound like your voice.

That's a little nasally. If you don't vote, there will be no show. Vote it up. Vote it up. Go and vote. Are you going to do one of these every show now? Vote it up. Vote it up.

Ironically, that's where I want more. Because you made the two tracks I'm like okay I know this part Now it's the two Two tracks I can't wait to hear that more And there's none That's

I feel like the hard cut Kinda yeah It does leave you wanting more Which is exciting for people Yeah I don't know if we'll You know If people like this stinger

They'll let me know They didn't like either one of them Well then I might have to make another one. Until we find one we like. Clearly. So let us know in the comments which stinger you prefer. Okay. Or if you think we need another one.

Kink shaming dick. The owner of a woodworking supply company in Noblesville, Indiana, says the city has reneged on a $5.5 million development deal because he would not shut down his adult baby fetish shop. Oh. Ryan Polikoff, owner of Woodturning, a woodworking business, reached an agreement for property tax abatements, but when the city discovered he owned My Inner Baby, a store that sells adult diapers and other adult-sized baby clothes.

It moved to nix the deal because it didn't meet the morals of the city. They're now trying to shut his shop down or forced to move it to an adult entertainment zoning district claiming it's a sex shop. Can you believe that? This man just wants to sell diapers and adult-sized baby clothing. The company's going to take his tax rebate away that's kink shaming at its finest and you got to vote that up at biggest problem dot show no no okay the stinger is fine they're fine but when you play them over and over well that's the thing

about stingers you're supposed to play them all the time so it makes like people develop an emotional attachment to your show like the repeated bits on your show so you're saying don't replace them every week it's not normal you just have to be able to play it more than once yeah well the fans will let us know what to do i would like uh i would like to be in that adult zoning district. Just zone all the stuff that you don't like. Weird fetish zone. Liquor, strip clubs, selling adult baby shit. Every city should have more of that shit, yeah.

Yeah, just let people opt in or opt out. Asian massage parlors. Asian massage parlors. Bordeaux. Asians. Asian anything. Anything. Yeah.

We'll get our hardest, toughest George Zimmermans out there. But now, but this is also hypocritical because I went to Target the other day and they are now selling male strokers in Target. I was like confused. I'm sorry, male strokers? Is that what they call them? Like basically, yeah, that's what they, we've had this discussion. Yeah.

Of calling it a stroker? Yeah, I think so. Oh. Because I was talking about trying to suction cup it under a desk remember oh yeah i remember yeah yeah it's basically they were selling like fleshlights it's like a thing that you put your penis in it's got all these ribbed whatever the fucks but they can't call it that right i i took a picture of it i should look up what it's called but it even has that like generic target packaging like is it i think it might be Target brand Is it in the zone It was just like

Male Thing For Yeah hold on Right here The male thing For your thing Vibrating stroker

See it says stroker On it What's up with The little massager Who wants Why is it They have Little massagers

Wait email that to me So I can bring it up It's for The little massager Is for vulva play It says That's for women Oh why are they Right next to each other I can bring it up. It's for vulva. The little massager is for vulva play, it says. That's for women. Oh, why are they right next to each other?

I don't know. That's too easy to mix up. All right, hold on. I'm going to email it to you. They can't separate them by sex anymore, right? I guess. It's just like men with people with penises and people with vulvas. All right, hold on.

People who have monkey pox and people who are not at risk of monkey pox. And they had a bunch of other stuff right below it. Like, they have, like, a whole sex toy section at Target now. I'm refreshing as hard as I can. Gmail always takes a hot minute. Refreshing. But I was like, man, like, I kind of liked when that stuff was in, like, a specific store for it. It's weird to go to Target.

Yeah, so they got the big stroker. So stroker is like the one that's like, yeah, it's like a whole thing to put your penis in. The vibrating stroker is like one that like wraps around the penis and just kind of vibrates. But it's in a smaller box. I'm not buying a smaller box for my dick. It's a much smaller device.

It doesn't go around the whole dick. The box should be the, I'm not buying a smaller size box. The cashier is going device. It doesn't go around the whole dick. But the box should be the... I'm not buying a smaller sized box. The cashier's gonna know, oh, you got the small one, huh? You got the small one, yeah. You didn't go for the full stroker. You got the same size as the vulva one, right? Yeah. No. And see how it's in

like that generic Target packaging? It's so weird. It is weird. It's weird. I'm like, I feel like we've reached a point in society where even I go, well, that's cheap for one of those fucking things though. Why do you want a vibrator on your dick? I don't know.

That's, that's, I, cause I, I thought about that. I'm like, would that be enjoyable? I feel like that would just be distracting. Let's get them. Let's get a, let's have a taste test on the bonus episode. I mean, maybe. Biggest problem in sex toys. I thought about buying it.

Biggest problem in sex toys. That's a good one. Biggest problem with sex. Biggest problem with sex toys I thought about buying it Biggest problem in sex toys That's a good one Biggest problem with sex Biggest problem with sex For the next bonus episode That's a big Category But yeah

Okay There's a lot of problems Anyway go get your little massager For your woman And the target For your dick I can't believe Give me one with a big box

Also if you're in like Big refrigerator box If you're in other parts of the country Let me know if they have these And like Will Texas have this? Cause they're like prudes and shit yeah like the Bible belt let Target sell whatever is this like a California's full of perverts thing. I don't know okay Do you want to do problems now? I think we should dick you're the winner

What do you got? animal abuse Yeah, all right what was in all sorts of forms Animal abuse Fuck you God damn it Yeah alright What? Comes in all sorts of forms You know Yeah What types of animals

What types of forms What types of forms Might you be Meaning to bring up Animals can be Not fed enough Sure Overfed

Like in the case of women Okay All over the world They could be In tiny cages Even in aquariums That could be animal abuse Torture, you know

Yeah Malnutrition, sure They could be genetically manipulated That's a type of animal abuse Genetically manipulated? You know, so they don't have wings anymore Okay Or their feet are meat or something like that.

You sure? Of all kinds of animal abuse. Oh, that's animal abuse. It is animal abuse. Right. Getting involved so they can't even breathe on their own selves. Yeah, making pugs and... Okay, well, those are all reasonable.

Sexual animal abuse. No, yeah, well... Also, most of it is a problem. A lot of, yeah Yeah there is problems with that Every 60 seconds One animal Suffers abuse How about that?

That's horrible So the time you've been listening to this show Like 20 animals 20 animals have been abused Who knows Who knows what happened to them Who knows

Some of them maybe were molested Okay People Alright Every year more than 10 million Who knows? Some of them maybe were molested. Okay. People. All right. Every year, more than 10 million animals die from abuse in the U.S. alone. Oh, they die. We don't even know how many are sexually abused.

It's just generic abuse. We don't have any sort of specifics. Yeah. Could be 10 million cats getting molested to death. Very possible. A lot of people are putting up big numbers on those cat sexual abuse. There's 483 drug-positive greyhounds in Florida alone over 10 years. I don't know why they put that as number three. Drug-positive greyhounds.

So if you ever actually read statistics. They're bizarre. Usually they'll get two. Yeah. They'll nail. Right. One out of 10 kids was raped. Oh, my God.

20% of all kids have like... An STD. STD. Oh, my God. Number three, 12 kids named Jeffrey, their pants don't... They're wearing weird color pants with a shirt. You're like, wait a minute. What is this?

I feel like you kind of petered off on the third one. I feel like you ran of petered off on the third one. I feel like you ran out of good statistics. Approximately 71% of people who are reported for domestic violence, I don't know what that is, are also abused.

Hold on. Hold on. Also abused their pets. Also abused their pets. According to animal abuse and domestic violence statistics. What? So if you don't care about Also abuse their pets, according to animal abuse and domestic violence statistics. What? So if you don't care about women beating their husbands, maybe you care that those women

are probably also making their dogs pose in dumb pictures that could be an abuse. You're telling me domestic violence victims abuse animals? No, perpetrators. The perpetrators, the women that are beating their husbands. Oh, right. Like Amber Heard. Right. Like all women. Well, a lot of them.

Like one in eight. They're going on to punch a dog in a face. Yeah, they're going on to punch their dogs, too. After they force the dog to lick their vaginas, which they have slathered in peanut butter. You immediately go to... I'm just saying, I've read the statistics myself. Around 88% of families under investigation for child abuse

are also reported for animal cruelty. How many fucking bullet points do you have? Oh, my God. I just copied and pasted it. Stats. 97% of abused and killed animals yearly are farm animals. Well, I was going to say, is it factory farming, a form of abuse? What are the three

percent? What are those three percent? How do they measure those three percent when they lucked out? Well, those are probably the cows that are living in an open field and they only kill them when they're a little older or whatever else. And they measure those? I guess. Yeah. Well, that cow got away with it. He's the three percent.

They're like the 3% of cows. Or maybe it's the 3% of animals that just get hit by a car, so there's not enough time to abuse them. Oh, I see. That makes sense. Before they're molested, before the Q-tip man comes into town

with his Q-tip fingers. Q-tip fingers! Get over here You little cow I don't I don't know if I hear you're in I can hear you're mooing From the other town

I don't think that's a thing Moo for me Cow I don't think anyone Is running around With Q-tips Here kitty kitty Ding ding ding ding

I can think of far worse Things you could do To an animal I can't Than give it a Yeah cause you Explosive orgasm That shuts it up For two full days I think of far worse things you could do to an animal. I can't. Than give it a... Yeah, because you... Explosive orgasm that shuts it up for two full days.

Did you give it a cigarette? Yeah, I gave it a cigarette. Afterwards? Go watch one of the videos online. Those are the happiest cats that ever existed. I'm sure I wouldn't know where to go to look for these videos. YouTube. I wouldn't know that.

I don't want that polluting my search history. Yeah, you don't want to get brought in. You're allowed to do like one thing. The CIA lets you get away with one.

They let you do one illegal search? Yeah, they're like, if you hate the government, they let you get away with one thing. Like, that guy hates the government,

he hates women too. He looked up pipe bombs one time. Well, no, he really hates the government. But if you start mixing up a bunch of other things, then they're going to hate you. Yeah.

Uh-oh. You're looking up getting cats off, and you hate women, and this other thing you've got to bring. I don't know if the FBI has a getting cats off division. I don't think that's a red flag for them. Okay. Keep pushing it.

Keep pushing it. It happened once. I'm not still doing it. All my cats are fixed. Yeah. They probably signed up for it. It happened once I'm not still doing it All my cats are fixed Yeah They probably signed up for it Yeah they wanted to get away They wanted to get away from the abuse

Please take it away This horrible man Can't look up in the shower Like the crying game Or Ace Ventura If you don't know the crying game reference Ah What have I done

Get me in there Get the shit out of me it was a loving and intimate act between an owner and how about uh a slut of a daughter daughter yeah you're gonna bring see you're mixing up too many things you're right she's not my not my daughter just my slut of a cat strutting about making her fucking slut noises. And I said, let's just fucking take care of this. Cause otherwise you're going to get knocked up by one of these Tom cats. Did you have a serious face on while you're doing it at least?

Yes. Were you going like, I scolded her. No, no, no, no, no. Not scolding. Just serious face. I said, you dirty bitch. How could you? That's not.

Daddy's got to take care of this now. As you went and got pregnant anyway, so I don't even know. I don't think I even did anything right. Did you mad dog the cat to not turn up? I guess maybe I got her fixed after she got pregnant. That would make more sense. So you abortioned it too? No, no.

She had kittens. Oh, okay. All the cats I have now are her kittens. I'm not with this cat anymore. We had a breakup. You couldn't stand the sight of her? We couldn't look at each other in the eye anymore. You're trying to get a woman off, and she's in the corner going...

What happened to me? What happened to what we had? Yeah, there was a lot of that. This is a nightmare. Can you people just accept that I used a medically approved technique to assist? If there's any veterinarians listening, please contact us and let us know if this is medically approved. This animal was in distress and I applied a medical technique to alleviate it of its pain. I'm basically Dr. Doolittle over here.

The prevalence of obesity in women Oh no that's the wrong stat 39% I feel like every problem you just have some extra fat women stats Like no that's for later Just throw it in there Smoking is also done by women who are fat In the US more than

29 million cows Die in the meat and dairy industry Every year Wow that sucks Factory farming would be a good problem to bring in You should bring that in is die in the meat and dairy industry every year. Wow, that sucks. Factory farming would be a good problem to bring in. You should bring that in. I should bring that in.

Yeah, it's 25 millions of animals slaughtered. It really kind of sucks if you really think about the meat that you're eating. Yeah, that it comes from torture. Whenever somebody says, I saw a stupid tweet And it was like If there's anything our current generation Will be judged on It's our racism And I'm like no

It'll be our wanton We'll still have racism don't worry First of all we're going to fucking hate all the blue people Who we eventually meet up with Second of all it will just be By blue you mean Aliens What did you think I meant

I don't know White I think I think in the future Yeah factory Oh man When aliens land Murder of like animals

I'm coming out What the fuck First of all I'm coming out blasting When aliens finally That's not smart It's a joke Yeah

Okay Sure As soon as I see aliens I'm coming out That guy must be in charge He doesn't fucking care What's up I am in charge

First of all Nuke nuke nuke nuke nuke Okay Number one I bet you guys want to know What are the bad words Shit Fuck

Cock Pussy Titty Jesus Semen Mother You could say that all day People run and go like

Ah, I can't hear what you're saying You want the aliens to know this Yeah, number two, racist jokes You guys, gather round Get all your fucking alieninos over here I got every racist joke you could ever imagine About the whole planet And this is going to benefit the aliens somehow

I know how sentient somehow. I know. I know how sentient life is. I know how people think. They travel the galaxy looking for good racist jokes. They're going to go, no one has ever welcomed us to a planet like the way you have. We must make you our king. Well, I'm glad you have a plan. Starts with the blasting.

Yeah, starts with blasting and then giving them All our swear words And racist jokes I was gonna say I know you guys Sent the punks first To get them off the ship Yeah I know you sent

The assholes out That's why I was doing that I did that for you I took out all the jerks Now let me tell you About the racism We've got here Let me give you a breakdown

We've got some great racism You're gonna love it Anyway Animal abuse What were you saying About something about twitter oh just the idea that i think uh future generations are gonna be like yeah you guys really mistreated animals like crazy yeah like uh i'm you know like i'm okay with meat obviously i

i'm excited for the possibility of an alternative someday showing up it'd be nice but it's just not gonna not gonna happen no it's gonna take forever and probably yet not happen i don't like it i like eating meat though i wish we could phase out eating intelligent animals like pigs are like more intelligent than dogs there's like studies that say like pigs are like basically the uh i don't like those studies as smart as like an eight-year-old child i don't want those studies oh that's fucked up man i don't like those studies As smart as like An eight year old child I don't want those studies To exist Oh that's fucked up man I don't want to do that But like a chicken Is dumb as hell

Like chicken, fish Even cows Yeah but they eat the chicken They get it in a little cage It's like shit I don't want that I don't think they Yeah well let them run around

Yeah that would be nice Yeah If they gave them Just open fields And just culled them Whatever 12% Well do whatever you want

I'm not saying like Do it better Cause I'm not saying, like, do it better, because I'm not a farmer. Yeah. Like, I'm going to eat it either way. It just sucks. Well, that's the problem. Don't tell me.

I don't care. I really hate that they do it, but I have bacon in my fridge. Like, what the fuck am I going to do? I'm going to throw it away. I'm not going to eat it. No, I literally have some pork that's about to go bad. I always feel bad.

I'm like, oh, that thing died for no reason. Oh, well. As many as 12% of cattle in the EU are not properly stunned and continue to kick as they go on to be hung upside down and slaughtered all while conscious. That's awesome. Halal. When they the Muslim way of slaughtering

meat. Oh, yeah? Where they hang the animals upside down and cut the neck every time while they're... Is that bad? Well, normally, like here, we knock them the fuck out. Oh. And then we do it. But then I'm still alive.

We just go, bleh! The Muslim population. Do whatever you want, Muslims. You gotta get... Who's that guy? You probably hate him.

This congressman, Massey, Thomas Massey's always trying to approve like local farms selling shit to local people. I haven't heard of him. I don't know if I've heard of him.

Big government, big meat is coming down on these guys, trying to let factory farming take over. There's a lot of needless legislation. All of it. In America, it's really hard to sell raw milk, which is like an FDA thing. Yeah.

Raw milk can be very dangerous, but still, if somebody wants to buy it. I'm all for consensual crime. The legalization of all consensual crime, like drug dealing. Okay. The only, you know, if somebody wants to sell me heroin and I want to buy heroin, no one else should have any other implication on that situation. I agree. The only time it should be illegal is if they lie about what's in the heroin.

If they cut it with something, because then it's not a fair deal. I don't even think that. Well, no, because you can't put poison in shit for funsies. You got to know who you're... If you go on the dark web and you find somebody with 7,000 reviews, they're probably not mixing fentanyl in the cocaine. But they might. Somebody might. You don't know. Someone might buy their business and use their name and you

don't know and then it's not a very good business model regardless i think we can prosecute poisoners for the love of god i'll let the courts handle it okay go as long as we're talking about food and delicious uh meats that you can eat uh i'm gonna bring up a news story. Klondike confirmed Tuesday that the summer treat known as the Choco Taco is being pulled from ice cream trucks, convenience stores, and grocery shelves. Klondike says, Over the past two years, we have experienced an unprecedented spike in demand across our portfolio and had to make very tough decisions to ensure availability nationwide.

A necessary but unfortunate part of that process, we must sometimes discontinue products, even a beloved item like the Choco Taco. Yeah. And as Jack Posabeek tweeted about this problem, Joe Biden's America. My problem is the discontinued food fakeout. This is bullshit.

They're not getting rid of the Choco Taco. Oh. There's no way. You're a Choco Taco truther getting rid Of the Choco Taco Oh There's no way You're a Choco Taco Truther I think it's I am a Choco Taco Truther

Cause we've seen This before Like with the McRib Time and The McRib Yeah Is a great example Yeah yeah

A better example Would be the Twinkie Remember that Fervor Oh yeah yeah yeah Hostess goes We're going out of business There's never

gonna be twinkies ever again oh no for that whole situation was fucked do you know what happened with twinkie the reason they went out of business yeah they had all these like guys working in the hostess bakery for like 50 years had pension plans oh that's why rather than paying for the pensions they're like well the ce CEOs need to make more money. And we're taking from the pension plan to pay the CEOs. And they went, we're just out of money. We're bankrupt now. So they

go bankrupt. Yeah. Then two guys just swoop in and they go, oh, well, there's never going to be any 20. He's like, no, you sell it to two of your buddies, sell them to name hostess, sell them all the brands and all the factories, but it doesn't come with the pensions. The pensions just go to the government who now has to pay for all of them. Did you know that?

Where's hostess located? It's nationwide, I think. In America where the government has to take over the pension? Yes, the pension benefit- That doesn't sound right. The pension benefit guarantee benefit uh what do you call it guarantees uh worker pensions what is that a government initiative government uh agency yeah why wouldn't you just give them all the pensions then fuck you we'll take the money and

use it more better who will the government you know if you're already gonna pay These guys Then go for it Isn't that why you exist? Base Uh wait The government or the hostess? The ho Why If I was hostess Alright

Right And the government says You would go bankrupt And force the government To pay for all your The pensions Government Government is not forced to do shit

The government Forces me to do shit So If the government is saying We're gonna cover all pensions I'm saying Go for it Here's a bunch of pensions you can pay

I'm keeping the money I'm fucking buying a yacht with it This is why CEOs get paid so much Because they think better And force the government to cover all the pensions Not force, once again If I could force the government to do anything It wouldn't be paying pensions

They're volunteering to do it The pension benefit guarantee corporation of the United states government is currently 48 billion dollars in debt so it's really working out for america they just take clawback to 40 billion from ukraine there you go problem solved regardless zelensky's fucking 40 billion bag that was a more complicated situation but really i mean these corporations they go we're taking it away you know new coke was a good example remember new coke well no I'm not that old well I'm saying but you've heard the story of new coke where it was like hey there's a new brand of coke and we're getting rid of the old coca-cola formula it was dog shit but yeah the belief is that they just did that because they knew they were going

to bring back the original coke oh and then they brought out new coke so we're gonna go this is dog shit what the fuck you can't get her coke and they're like hey we're bringing it back and it's like all right i'm gonna buy as much as i can in case it goes away i don't know that's a little like a little conspiracy theorist yeah regardless of something popular like the choco taco which people clearly love they're not going to just get rid of it. I think this is very clearly, Taco Bell does this all the fucking time. Okay. Mexican pizza.

We're not going to have the Mexican pizza anymore. And then like two months ago, they're like, I got to have it. The Mexican pizza's back. You know, it's like a limited time thing, but it'll probably end up on the menu again. And it's sold out immediately.

Yeah. Literally, they're like, we have the Mexican pizza back. And people go rushing in and they sell out. Same thing will happen when they bring back the choco taco where's crystal pepsi then i love crystal pepsi well sometimes sometimes a product actually sucks and goes away so pepsi was great was crystal pepsi great i don't know i never had a cooler where the fuck is that i think act Acto Cooler is just Orange Lava Burst with a different name, but I could be wrong. I need Slimer on the package. There was some guy who was going to send me an entire 12-pack of Acto Cooler from when the Ghostbusters 2016 came out.

Yeah. And he was like, oh, shipping's too much. And I was like, bitch, I'll cover shipping. I don't know what happened to that guy. I want that Acto Cooler. Probably didn't have it. Point is. Probably couldn't figure out

how to comment it and reseal it. They always bring it back. The Mexican pizza, the Choco Taco, the Twinkie. Okay. These things,

they are hugely popular. They know they're hugely popular. This is almost an artificial scarcity type situation. Artificial scarcity like when pretzel buns. Yes.

They always offer those For a little bit And then they take it away And then they take it away And then they take them away And then you go Well when are you guys Bringing back the pretzel buns

And then they bring it back And you're all excited Never we ran out of them Who ran out of chocolate I'm not saying We're only doing drumsticks now Right We can't do chocolate

We can't do chocolate tacos There's too much heat After Dr. Jill Biden Said you all look like A bunch of breakfast tacos, which is not even a Mexican thing. Yeah, that's weird. I don't know why she said that. Because she's a fucking idiot.

Because she's a dumb white cunt. That's why. She's fucking dumb. That's why. She's a doctor, though. Of education. The most worthless made up thing that exists. The woman science. I'm not a doctor, though. Of education. The most worthless, made-up thing that exists. The woman science.

I'm not a doctor, so how can I say boo? You're a doctor of fucking food problems. Fucking cats, apparently. Doctor Pleasure. Doctor T and the cats. Also, just like, why do you, you know, if you want a Choco Taco. Doctor Feel Good. Can't you just go get some ice cream and, like, fudge?

Like, is it really that much better than anything else? What do you mean? A Choco Taco? I'm just saying people get too attached to some of these products. The Twinkie, there's alternatives when the Twinkie goes away. Go get a Zinger. Well, I guess Zinger is also hostess. Whatever.

What's the other? Zinger's not as good. Little Debbie? No, I like Zinger's better. With the frosting? Yeah. I think Zinger is superior to the twinkie it's a better cake too regardless did i ever tell you sugar and dump it in your mouth social media for a taco bell

okay like 90 of my job was apologizing to people who were mad that we discontinued the beefy crunch burrito on twitter so people go where the fuck is the beefy Crunch Burrito And I had a whole like Like one sheet That's like Listen You can't apologize For us removing it Because that would be Admitting fault

You have to You can sympathize Though You can go Sympathize Yeah Sympathize Don't apologize

This is the same training That the cops have If you If your kid gets killed Yeah exactly Don't apologize Don't say you're sorry But you can empathize

Then it's your fault. Yeah. So I have to go, well, you know, it was a great burrito, and maybe if we really believe in our hearts, it might come back someday. And then, of course, they'll bring it back. They're like, you know, it'll be like a month out of the year or two months or whatever. Like, do you need to eat one every fucking day? Like, it'll come back.

If it's really popular, they'll put it back on the menu Well like the McRib The sales Yeah they just cycle it Cause the sales of the McRib Were fucking terrible I imagine No no no The sales of the McRib

Eat into the Double quarter pounder sales Cause the same people Yeah So then they're just Stocking extra inventory Right So they only bring it in

To get people in there It's a competing item Well that makes sense Yeah The McRib is fucking terrible Anybody who gets excited For that thing Is a bad person

I've never had it It's a Do you know You know what it is though A meat A pork slurry In the shape of a rib Pork slurry

Poured into a rib shaped mold It's so disgusting And then what do you put On top of it Raw onions and pickles You're like What the fucking Christ That sounds better

That's good No it looks It's terrible And it's covered in like way too much barbecue sauce I've had it once Anyway guys Stop worrying about your Choco Taco It's gonna come back

In some form Somebody's gonna They're gonna be like Like a year from now They'll go It's back And you're all gonna run out Trump will bring it back

Yeah yeah Trump will do it Trump will bring it back Vote for Trump and he will bring back your fucking Choco taco But in the meantime everybody shut up And also they weren't that good to begin with Discontinued food fake outs My problems overly considerate drivers I love this problem

I love this problem dick You can see it coming. You motherfucker. I can get a, like, you know how they say, like, predators can tell, like, even people who to prey on? Yeah. When they're just by the way they walk. When I'm pulling up to a four-way stop sign and someone's on the right and I know they have the right-of-way, I can just see the weakness in them.

I'm like, they're just going to wave me on, even and they i know they have the right away i can just see the weakness in them i'm like they're just gonna wave me on even though they have a clear they got there like 10 seconds before you you know you can measure there's an amount of time that passes on a website when it be when you think this is taking too long yeah like 400 milliseconds or something like that right so that's the that's like the amount that is when I look and that amount passes and I'm like fucking that sinks into my stomach I fucking know you're gonna wave me on you idiot you've had

a universe of time to do heel toe heel toe I know you don't have to stop you see me cruising in obviously intent on not stopping just fucking go and then you stop and wait and you just stare at them You don't have to stop. You see me cruising in, obviously intent on not stopping. Yeah. Just fucking go, and then you stop and wait, and you just stare at them. And then the hand comes up. The hand comes up.

Oh, God. You fucking idiot. You've ruined. You fucking, this is the worst part of my day. No, I'm doing you a favor, Dick. Dick. I'm doing you a favor. I'm being so helpful.

Now I've got to floor it, because I'm angry you a favor, Dick. Dick. I'm doing you a favor. I'm being so helpful. Now I've got to floor it because I'm angry. Right. And I'm trying to get, and there's probably people behind me who are going, what's this moron doing? Does he not understand the four-way stop? Does he not understand that that person has a stop sign too? And I'm like, hey, listen, jackass. They're on the right.

I don't know if you don't, you probably don't know this because you're as fucking dumb as this person. Right. I'm waiting, this person needs to go, have already have gone. Well, it's not who's on the right, it's who showed up

to the stop sign first. Yes, but if you show up at the same time as the person on the right. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. So.

What if you're both facing each other across? You just both go? Well, then the person is going straight. Yeah. No, if you're both going straight. Then it doesn't matter.

Then it doesn't matter. What do you mean? Yeah, but like. If you pull up to somebody, if I pull up at a stop sign and there's a guy straight. Yeah. We know that you're both going straight. Then it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What do you mean? Yeah, but like- If you pull up to somebody, if I pull up at a stop sign and there's a guy there, and he doesn't have his blinker on, I'm not even stopping.

That's fair. I'm going, this is optional, bro. Pretend there's a little tiny island in the middle and this is a roundabout and there's no stops. Okay.

I just didn't know if you knew. I'm sure there's like a code and a link. Whoever's driving from the northbound. The zipper merge lane? Oh, the zipper merge. People do not understand the zipper merge. People don't. The courteous driver, though, instead of just

admitting that they're worth it, who doesn't know how to zipper merge and get on, is just going to sit there. Oh, no, go ahead. Come on, everybody, go. Go ahead. I've got all the time in the world. Go ahead. And if you are aware of the zipper, you're losing your fucking mind. Yeah, because they're fucking up the whole thing for everybody.

Your cells are bubbling and getting cancer. What's worse is when it takes, because it takes more time than if they had just done it correctly. Exactly. The other day, I was waiting to take a left turn, and there's like a line of cars. And I'm like, well, after that red car, I'll turn left. So all the cars of cars and i'm like well after that red car i'll turn left so all the cars go and the red car just stops and waves me in front of him and i'm like if you had just kept going on i would have just gone around the home already you have literally added more to our interaction because you want a little what little tip of the cap for me like oh thank

you sir wow there's no way for me to get across the street no you've made it worse I hate you did you need validation today of what a great person you are yeah like we all need to participate in this

pretty party I hate when they let you go in front of the car because it happens to you as a pedestrian we're all people I was just gonna say that as a crosswalk yes and I'm like just go and then the car stops and waves you like i'm not hurrying for you no

i mean you go and then i'll go behind you one time a guy did that and then he honked at me to go and i was like i flipped him off and he's like what the fuck i stopped for you bro and i'm like why why did you you should have just went and he thought he was like that you know like oh man i'm like this cool guy who stops for guys at crosswalks like i'm the big i'm like no you're making it worse you're making me think about you yeah you're making me panic you're raping my thoughts you're forcing me to interact with you i don't want to interact with anyone right now I just pretend like I'm looking at something Yes

I'm like oh wow Look at that over there That's the move If I'm on the crosswalk It's a massage for me I just look Away And it always works

You have to Because if you make eye contact You're locked in Yeah yeah you're done You have to look at your shoes Look at your phone Because then they're like Oh I guess I should go

Because this guy's not paying attention. I act like I forgot. Oh, did I forget something? Oh, shit, I forgot something. I'm so glad that you also do that, because now I feel less like a psychopath. Well, you have to give them a story, or else they can't understand it. Oh, yeah, he's looking for something. If you wave, you ever get this

where you're like, you go, and then he goes, no, you go, and you're like, oh, my God. No, you go. No you go. No you go She just said yeah, you just have to like be like I don't know. I'm retarded and I just look at my shoes Oh, man. Oh shit. I got to think of something How about in a parking lot when Overly considerate driver they see somebody back they see somebody backing out consider a driver.

They see somebody backing out. Ah! Hit the brakes! Oh, we gotta let this person back. I gotta be the fucking shepherd of the king of kings.

Let this jackass back everyone. Look at me! I'm letting him back out, everybody. I'm not even, I don't even want to park here.

I'm just letting him back out through my magnanimous fucking cone of protection right here. Did you just letting him back out through my magnanimous fucking cone of protection right here. Did you have a good back out? No stress at all? Okay. Let's just both just get the fuck out of the way. Go!

Go! Go! Oh my God. If you're, if you get in a car, start going. I'm coming. I'm coming. It is fascinating. If you get in a car, start going. I'm coming. I'm coming.

It is fascinating. Until you're cramming around. Yeah. It's a nightmare. I do like that in order to make the world move faster, you have to act dumb in front of dumb people. Like if some person is trying to wave you along, you're like, I have to act as dumb as them to psychologically trick them

into doing the right thing you go oh i don't know i don't know how to cross the street and they're like oh okay i guess i'll go then and you go okay bye and then you stop acting retired like i 90 percent of my like when i wave you on when i want to get something and this applies everywhere like you go to a store and they're like do you have the receipt you go oh no i think i don't know and they go you know what you don't even need a receipt yeah it's fine it's cool what was the coupon for honestly if i had acted like a retarded guy in the kfc drive-thru they probably been like just give him the macaroni something's wrong with him yeah but a coupon said it had a picture of macaroni that's what i do I act as dumb as possible

All the time like Oh man I don't know I gotta like It gets me out of so many situations Yeah Every time I'm like hung up I'm like I don't know I'll be like walking around

In like a You know Staff area And they're like Hey you're not supposed to be back here And I go I was looking for Yeah

And they're like Okay buddy I was looking for staffs Yeah Is this not I accidentally ended up In the like green room At VidCon

And I was like Taking food And free like Water bottles and shit They're like Are you Are you You were stacking up

On water were you And go I was trying to find Where do you get to And they're like Oh the hall's this way sir Oh yeah I take chips

And go Thank you Oh thanks Get you everything in life Oh man Thanks Anyway That's my problem Oh, the hall's this way, sir. Oh, yeah, I take chips and go. Thank you. Oh, thanks. Get you everything in life. Oh, man, thanks. Anyway. That's my problem. That's a good problem.

Overly considerate drivers. Mostly women. Mostly. Well, I think it goes both ways. I did have a woman driver situation, though. I almost fucking T-boned a lady the other day. Hmm. Tell me more.

It was one of those situations where, you know, you're driving, and then there's stop signs on either right and left of you. Okay. An Asian lady just assumes, I mean, she could have been Indian. She could have been anything, but she happened to be an Asian lady. Okay. Goes, well, he must have a stop sign as well. And I'm like, no, I'm just allowed to go straight.

Oh, yeah. Because this is a major road. You're coming from a side road. She just goes, and i like dude i was like you should have nailed it i was i could honestly it's weird because there's like a split second where i'm like i kind of just want to like nail this because i'm like 100 in the right i'm gonna steer into her and then i say well the driver's manual said that you should wreck into something if you're gonna crash it was definitely one of those things where i'm like

i think i'm like 100 in the right to just fucking nail this broad. But I came like an inch away from T-Bone. People always park on the, they're not allowed to park on one side of the street where I live, but they do. And I always want to walk down a night with the bat and just clip their mirrors off. They can't do it now.

Your neighbors think You killed your wife So they'll They'll immediately go You know what's Probably that murderer That lives up the street Call the cops on him

Nope I'm already on the list Bitch Call the cops I don't fucking care Bob Bob You're just trying to

Swat him again You got a shield now You're friends with the cops You gotta be friends with cops Well you know who. You're friends with the cops. You got to be friends with cops. Well, you know who I'm not friends with, Dick? And this is my alt-right problem of the day. People who hate pedophiles? That was on the stretch.

Game journalist, Dick. I don't like the game journalists. Okay. Gamergate 2. Hashtag. I don't know what to say about Gamergate. It was a complicated situation. That was very quickly, very quickly,

it turned terrible, and everybody involved with it was bad. But the initial idea that game journalists fucking suck was definitely correct. Yeah. That's why I have to always go, well, they had one point correct.

Okay. There's a new game out called stray you play as a fun cat you're a cat dick okay i know i know it plays in the shut up shut up you don't fuck the cat okay you just you run around is that why you're upset no no yeah i'm upset because there's no cat fucking in the game okay anyway it's a game. Put your hands down. Stop swinging back and forth in the chair. Unbelievable. Shut the fuck up, you motherfucker. Anyway, there is a game where you play as a animal of some sort.

You get inside the cat. Yeah, you go inside the cat. Okay. You become the cat. Okay. And you just go around And you explore And solve puzzles As a cat

In a cyberpunk Future Where humanity is dead And there's robot people Everywhere That sounds cool Oh it looks really cool I want to play it

And uh Of course Everybody's going Well this is a really good game 9 out of 10 8 out of 10 Whatever But journalists aren't

Kotaku goes Stray Falls into the usual Orientalism Ori entalism pitfalls of the cyberpunk genre you can't say that word orientalism yeah you can say that what the fuck does that mean it means uh racist towards well you know like you cannot say no no, no, no, no, no. You can say Orientalism as a critique. You can't say like N-wordism as... No, it's different. It's not.

It's critiquing if you said... Orientalism? I don't think so. I don't... Well, they said it. I didn't say it. I'm just reading a quote from the... What's the name of the author?

I should... It was an Asian gentleman. All squiggles? Yeah, you know. It's Ching-Dong-Dong-Dong. I saw a guy get canceled for that you know i don't let him do that anymore you haven't been allowed to do that for a long time buddy i guess i'm undercutting my own point who'd you see get canceled for that uh some twitch streamer was walking down the street and i think he walked singing basically basically and i was like well i mean it's not like i'm like they do kind of sound

like that it sounded they're also all fucking loaded they have tons of money like they're not fucking suffering shut the fuck up no the asians are doing very well in america regardless this cat game kotaku comes out and says that basically the game is racist towards asian people and the reasons they give is that... They're always trying to eat the cat? No, well, that would be pretty bad. If that was in the game, they would have a point. If it's about Asian people trying to capture a cat,

that would be bad. Miss Garagi! The actual criticism that they came up with, which is crazy. Do you know Kowloon, Walled City? It used to be in Hong Kong. Yeah, yeah. It was awesome. Yeah, it was awesome.

I mean, it wasn't awesome for the people living there, but it looked cool. Explain it to people what it is. Basically, it was, whenever you look at a cyberpunk movie, it is probably based on Kowloon, Walled City, which was just an urban development with no governmental oversight of any sort. So people just started stacking uh just everything just like a ship it's like a cube of shipping containers packed yeah to the brim with people exposed like wires everywhere pipes everywhere no osha yeah it's beautiful you just go i'm gonna build a cube on top of this cube and live there and they're like yeah well you can't stop here or whatever so they just built

this insane cyberpunk dystopia which was uh eventually torn down sadly uh you can't stop here or whatever. So they just built this insane cyberpunk dystopia, which was eventually torn down, sadly. You can see it in the movie Bloodsport. It appeared in a couple other movies. But it does serve as a common inspiration for the cyberpunk genre, which shows kind of, well, what would have happened with this kind of urban sprawl and everything, whatever, and a billion people trying to pack into a city, which is why it's in this game because the game is a cyberpunk game so it looks like fucking you know blade runner and shit but as this guy says well

how can you make a game that draws influence from something like kowloon wall city and not talk about the plight of the uh you know what would be? Chinese people who are forced to live in such poverty. And you're like, the game's about a cat in the future. It's not about Kowloon, Walt City. It's a city that takes inspiration from that. And he goes, well, I just feel- Can you imagine if like Donkey Kong came out? They're like, who's Donkey Kong supposed to be exactly?

What city is this? Does it properly represent the urban sprawl, you know? Because some people have experienced barrels raining down upon them mostly the impoverished among us yeah and who's coming how's how does the fire get intelligent right who's that supposed to be we need to address that i have one quote from the article uh he says i just wanted to play a cute cat game without the techno orientalism unfortunately stray does not insist it gets really upset every time i say that just know what you cannot say that's on there unfortunately stray does not insist it gets really upset every time i say that just know what you

cannot say that's on there unfortunately stray does not interrogate its creative influences all and from the moment the developers decided to base their game off an enclave created by british colonialism they had a responsibility to grapple with its history stray takes care and how it represents cats i just wish it was consistent about real humans legacies. This is like humans are dead. Yeah. The humans are dead in the game. That's the,

that's the legacy. And it's also the idea that if you base your fictional city on a real city that had its own, like whatever the fuck baggage you now have to deal with that baggage that doesn't exist in your world. Oh yeah. So you have to put a racism in your world oh yeah so you have to put racism in your game or like you know you have to put poverty in your game because the city that you yeah but

these guys like they don't okay so they don't care about video games game journalists it's it's such a horrible storm they don't care about games they don't play games yeah they don't care about games They don't play games They don't care about art They don't understand art Their business exists on getting clicks And here's the worst part The things that they're writing about The fucking nerds Will not stop being offended

About shit that they're writing about That is what Powers this Psycho outrage over this nonsense propagates. Not even yours, but man, if you're like Pencil Dick McGee over here, and you have a quote, he probably got paid, what, $200 to write that thing? You've got guys who live in mansions based on reacting to this shit. Like, the guys who talk about this on YouTube

should be funding it. They should be... Oh, yeah, yeah, write this. Write this. Write how it's... Honestly, starting your own video game website and just hiring the worst people to write shit. Just so you can react to it first.

So that when they write it, so they write it and you have your response. Final Fantasy VII is the most racist thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, put that in there. Okay, yeah, now tell me... Okay, then you... I don't want to launch mine first. Send us something to do with comfort women during World, yeah, yeah. Put that in there. Okay, yeah. Tell me. Okay, then you... I don't want to launch mine first. Send us something to do with comfort women during World War II.

Like, add that in there. Handmaid's Tale. Handmaid's Tale. Handmaid's Tale. Put some... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was too hard. It should have an easy game.

Easy mode for retarded people... Or disabled people. I mean, it's true. A lot of these guys would be out of business without this sort of thing. Yeah. It just drives me nuts. Now, I have a personal... Guys who work like forklifts

are not online going like, oh, this new fucking Husky Verna model is ableist. Well, it personally makes me sad, Dick, because I famously, I wanted to be a video game journalist growing up. Even in high school,

I was writing for video game websites. Aren't you? Am I now? Isn't that what you do? Am I considered a journalist at this point? Not really. Why not?

Because I'm on YouTube talking about... I used to write articles and do reviews and all that shit. Writing is fucking... Sometimes I'll review a video game,

but I don't know. It's not really the kind of journalism I was doing before. I just... I watched that industry go from being like, yeah, okay,

we can have a couple of these little think pieces and they're probably Stupid or whatever now it's like the bulk Yeah like video game writing Is not like the only thing they like Is if a game if a game Has like gay people in it or it's about like Turning trans they're like get out

The best thing ever it's the greatest Get that shit out of here No it's it's Mario and Luigi not Mario and Queer EG I don't have a problem with that but that's the only. Get that shit out of here! It's Mario and Luigi, not Mario and Queer EG. I don't have a problem with that, but that's the only thing they ever like. And if you're like, well, this game's about a cat who explores shit, they're like, you fucking racist piece of shit.

And you're like, can't you guys just like some other stuff? Nobody clicks on likes, though. Either that or they'll like Mario, because if it doesn't have any Politics at all They'll just be like yeah I like that but anytime a game Tries anything there's this game called Detroit Become Human which was pretty cool I watched the playthrough of that game yeah yeah okay

Like it's a little heavy handed it's about like a robot holocaust And whatever the fuck it was Okay but these game journalists like they're so Fucking mad that someone tried to make a video Game with like an actual plot and narrative Yeah they're just like well you know it kind of minimizes the holocaust but i'm like i don't know man it's just like oh god forbid what do we need two israels i mean like i saw music some people want that or one big one and we'll see if we get there. Someone remembered Palestine a thousand years from now.

Oh, we got to get our Holocaust fucking lessons going. These guys, they're like hypocrites because they go, well, video games are an art form. You know, we want to elevate video games as an art form. And you go, well, here's a video game that's kind of trying to tell like an interesting story. And they're like, well, that's just racist or sexist. And it's not done in a way that you know honors the lived experiences of whatever the guy who made a bioshock ken levine i've talked to that guy you talked to him yeah yeah what do you mean he's a cool guy talking about your cat and stuff i think he uh i won't

get too into it but let's just say he's a bit of a fan of certain things what the fuck he's what are you outing him no are you, outing him? No, I'm not outing him. I don't know. Whatever. I don't know. What do you mean he's a fan of certain things? Don't ever tell people I'm a fan of certain things.

He's a very quiet guy. He doesn't like to get involved in political or whatever. Okay. He's a Trump guy. No, I don't think he's. I don't know if he's a Trump guy. He might be. But regardless, I remember all these video game journalists came at him and they're like,

well, his game has like a black lady in it, but she's bad. And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, well, that's racist. I'm like, no. To black men, it's not. Go ask them. I'm like, the real world is complicated. Why do you want your art to not be complicated?

Why do you want just like, oh, the black freedom fighter is like a part. The idea is she's like a freedom fighter. But at one point she's like a horrible torturer murderer and it's like okay we'll come to terms with that can you be a freedom fighter and also be like a shitty person like no this is just racist or whatever else and i kind of like fucked that guy and like got all these shitty reviews of his game and i'm like at least that guy was like trying to do something and i think that just fuck it all up i think like video games are uh stupid no i i think they're stupid but that doesn't matter right uh they're like the millennials entire art uh history yeah like they're millennials contribution to art is mostly history is video games entirely Yeah, I don't think they've done shit else.

Zoomers all blockchain, but I think millennials is all... Blockchain. It's all video games. They really do. I don't know. What else has there been? I mean, I'm sure they've made some...

Not really. Haven't they made some movies or TV shows or something of value? It's all just been corporate crap. Mostly. But video games is the only thing where everyone could see it. I guess maybe some videos. corporate crap. Mostly. But video games is the only thing where like everyone could see it. I guess maybe some videos. I don't know.

But video game journals are actively working against it. Independent video games can like come out of nothing and be huge. And you don't really see that. Like when's the last time like an indie movie blew up? You don't see that anymore. No, never. Blair Witch. Indie games can be huge. Yeah, Blair Witch or like Clerks or whatever the fuck. Clerks.

But you don't see that anymore. But video games, it's- Every good game was an indie game. Video games- And they're all good. And they're impactful. Like, I'll think about it years later, like, oh man, that was fucking cool. But even with like indie games, I wonder what that meant.

They should like, there was a famous article where like, there's a game where one of the characters was transgender. And at one point- What game? I don't know. It was like some- I don't want to accidentally play it regardless there's one point where you have to access this character's safe and the combination

there's the safe is the dead name of the trans character and this journalist was like this is the most offensive thing that's ever happened you should never dead name anyone for any reason and the developer of the game is like hey, I'm a trans person who made a game representing my own experience. The safe belonged to somebody who was like a shit bag to that character. So that's why they made it. The code was to dunk on them or whatever. And they're like, yeah, but dead naming is never okay. They're like, not even in the concept of like a fictional story when you're using it to illustrate that a character is bad.

Game journalists are like dumb as fucking hell. It's insane. And they just think everything like no part of them finds any joy in like singing the praises of anything. It's only tearing shit down. Because it doesn't sell. Yeah, well I know that

but still. No one wants to see a happy critic. Well I don't think I don't think the I don't think this Sells either Because like all these Video game websites Keep going out of business

You have a channel Based on Shitting on Star Wars Well yeah Independently I love it I love Watching shitting on Star Wars

Yeah But I'm not shitting on it For like really stupid reasons Of like well that was Colonial Although in the new Star Wars That guy does have A future rice picker hat And I'm not shitting on it For like really stupid reasons Of like well that was Colonial Although in the new Star Wars That guy does have

A future rice picker hat And I'm like What the fuck is Why would you take The rice picker hat And make it all cyber Or whatever the fuck It's a cyber rice hat

Yeah yeah yeah I need that Like a hubcap In the Obi-Wan show He has one But it's all like Weird and mechanical That Obi-Wan show

Is so stupid You're like You had to give the Asian guy Like a like You didn't already Couldn't already tell He you're like you had to give the asian guy like a like you didn't already couldn't already tell he's like asian you had to give him a cyber icebreaker but i just think it's funny you know i'm not like oh how racist we should all be out of age yeah he's got like a little cyber uh no he had regular i think he had regular asian eyes okay he should have a little cyber eyes though pulled apart Pulled apart. Regardless, I don't know, man.

As somebody, again, who I really loved game journalism, I worked in it for a time, and I kind of got pushed out by these people who were just like, I don't know, Vito, you're a little on the edge. I'm like, not really. I'm like centrist, whatever the fuck. I just think what you're saying is nuts. I'm like, well, we just really can't keep you around. So yeah, that whole, I don't understand it.

Just talk about games in a positive way. I think that's what the audiences want. I don't understand how any of these people are making money. Remember they had like Nintendo Power. That was so great. But it was all just like advertising. Yeah, well, that's all I want. I want maps.

I want tips. Yeah. I want tricks. Screenshots. I want previews. want tricks screenshots i want previews yeah screenshots trailers what about for the hater what about for the people who can't play games though they need something too what the uh disabled people or women i don't know what you give them they can watch let's plays yeah watch a man play a video game correctly instead of stumbling around. My problem, Dick, is game journalists. I don't like them.

All journalists, though. No, I'm going to say some journalists are still good. Like what? There's some guys. Zelensky's Pandora Papers that he's worth like a billion dollars. That's good. Hiding offshore and they shouldn't be trusted for any reason. Who's that guy I like?

The one uh He's on Twitter all the time And his profile is that guy From uh Bojack Horseman Jesse Singal Yes Jesse Singal I love that guy

You like that guy? I like that guy Yeah okay He was following me on Twitter And you fucked up your account? Just shut up I'm glad you deleted that N-word tweet that you had

That I said I can't believe You can't quote A song On Twitter I don't know why you think You could put the n-word On

But it was with an A It doesn't matter Do you honestly think That with an A And with an ER Are different words Yes Because they're not

I thought they were It's just the way Poor people talk I didn't say it I typed it It does not matter And it was a quote From a song I like.

Can a ninja get a table dance? Shake it up. You should have put that. Shake it up. You should have put that. Everyone would have known the word you're talking about. But if they know

what word I'm talking about, why can't I just post the word? You remember that thing about pretending like you're, like you lost something at a stoplight because the other dummy, there's no other way?

That's the same thing. You have to say that Ninja... I'm sick of all of this. Well, you're not going to like the alternative. Can Elon Musk

buy Twitter already and fix it? I don't know. He's being a big baby about it. He was all amped up. He's like, I'm going to save free speech and he's like,

oh, it's going to cost a lot of money. He's a liar, but he's got to see how many fake accounts there are. I guess. Yeah. I think he's going oh it's gonna cost a lot of money he's a liar but he's got to see how many fake accounts there are i guess yeah i think he's gonna pack that price down i mean they should knock that price down get for 10 billion well i don't know why he locked in at that price that he did he should wait and fucking with him yeah 15 billion that's probably enough i don't know

well the problem is the saudis own it and they don't really necessarily want to sell it. They're only going to sell it if they get a crazy fucking deal. They don't need money though because they just get money from us. Yeah, I know, but it's funny to them to get more of it. But the board members that have their golden parachutes like that... They want it to happen.

They want their 40 million cash out. Yeah, well... Hey, Elon, you didn't hear it from me, but actually there's 25, 50% bots. 50% bots. There's a lot of bots. Regardless, great problems this week, I want to say. Everybody knocked it out of the park, especially me.

Dick with the animal abuse thing was not great. Game Journalist on Gamergate too. That was your problem, basically. That was my problem, Gamergate. Just put Game Journalist. Don't't put what was the other one uh what was it uh fake discontinued food fake out discontinued food problem okay food problem food problem number 12 is 90 well like food is a part of life you're gonna say 90 of life and then you realize just you you eat food every day so a lot of your problems are going to have something to do with food. What did I say right before we came down here?

Maybe I'm not going to eat dinner. Maybe I'll just do Coke. Well, good luck. I'm going to go eat dinner. Stupid. My problems are animal abuse. How many fucking voicemails are there? Animal abuse.

Yeah. Like with molesting. No, no. Any sort of animals. Any sort of sexual impropriety. And overly courteous drivers, I think it was. Okay, go to biggestproblem.show to vote up the problems. Biggestproblem.show to vote up the problems.

You don't have to play that. Okay. Here's some voicemails Hey Dick, hey Vito Hey I had to stop the most recent episode Why? I was halfway through Because Vito started talking about

Masturbating his cat And I wanted to throw up Vito I did too I was going to ask you for my sanity masturbating his cat. And I wanted to throw up. Vito. I did too. I was going to ask you for my sanity. If you have a story like that ever again, to never fucking bring that up and keep it to yourself. I never tell you about what I did to my dog.

You disgusting pervert. So my dog, a big old boner, stuck on those pants. What I did, just grabbed onto that red rocket and I went to town. What do you mean? Thanks for your call.

You know, just you fell on the dog in an erection. You fell on your mouth. Your mouth went on his wiener and then it knotted in your mouth so you couldn't pull it off. I had to go to the doctor. Wow! Hey guys. your mouth so you couldn't pull it off and it started coming out of your mouth. No!

Hey guys, so this might be a little long. Please just try to stick with me. I'm going to bust Vito so fucking bad. Why? Have fun doing it. This episode was real fucking juicy, man. It was amazing. There's a feud going on, you know, between you and Pellegrino's dickhead.

And I got to tell you, Vito, like, there's no way in hell anyone believes that you forgot what shitty fucking statement you said about your comedic abilities to Frank fucking Pellegrino. I forgot. Now, don't get me wrong. Dude's a complete cocksucker. He says all this shit about you, and he's literally doing it as he's saying it by putting a mask on and being a fucking simp for Chrissy, right? And I love doing ACP, and I find Chrissy all right. But still, I get it. I'm on this show in no way anyone believes that you forgot your little feud between you.

It's just like no one believes that Frank forgot about you guys fucking six months ago on Twitter or whatever. You guys are both full of so much fucking shit, it's ridiculous. The nuances between you and how Maddox used to act, you know, are so fucking similar, it's fucking insanity. I know you guys are meta to get out of this show, and that's part of the bit, but it's fucking crazy, right? Also, later in the show, you have this problem with KFC. I work for Domino's.

I hate fat fuckers like you that cause these issues, but it's funny because it's happened to somebody else. It's not an issue until you don't give me your potatoes. But the fact that you can't read a fucking coupon, bro. I have a picture. If there's a picture

of a pizza on the coupon, don't I get a pizza? Free. Picture of pizza. Soft drink. I like the biscuit. Did you get a drink? I did get a drink. Did you get a drink? Nah, nah, nah, the biscuit's good.

The biscuit's good. The biscuit's good. Not only do you say the word massa, but then you also imply that people that live in a bad part of town are really stupid. Stop being a liberal fuck. And just say it's black people, you asshole. Just fucking say it.

We're sick of you pretending you're not fucking racist. Of course you are. Everyone is, you dickhole. And then there was something else, but I'm so fucking excited at this point, I came to say it. Oh, and Dick, don't fucking... I love you, Dick. I never come at you because I love you.

But don't fucking go to bat for Vito's problem and this Steven's problem. What the fuck? How do you expect to win, you idiot? Come on. Well, I mean, you gotta be honest on the show. They're good problems. They're good problems. Just arguing for the sake of arguing.

Look, I wanna nag Dick's problems, but when he comes in with impatient driver or whatever the fuck that was, I have to go. Yeah, I truly agree. I hate that. So what can I do? Uh, okay. You can't nag every problem. Here we go. Ha ha ha ha! Hello!

Hi. It's a guy! Wait, do you know who it is? I figured it out. Are there two of these from him? Don't read ahead. Okay. You, Vito! Oh, wait, wait, wait. He's come to niggle me? Shit,

shit, sorry. How's the niggler? Yes. Why does everyone have a bone to pick with me? Why, niggler? What did I do? Because you're fucking jacking off cats and shit. And throwing fits about mashed potatoes.

Sorry I bring in good problems to the show, all right? I don't sound how you think I should, do I? Well, I'll have you know, I listen to the show in my off hours. Do you really want me to get serious? I thought the niggler would have a deeper voice, famously. No, no, no, no! I don't know what you've just done! What, niggler? What have I done?

You've niggled the niggler! Oh! I niggled him! No, no, no! We can't have this! Uh-oh. I have a reputation to oppose! Oh, no. And I'm going to have to go up to Nick as well! Oh, no. You're ready for some serious niggling. And I'm going to have to go up to Dick as well.

Oh, he's coming over to both of us. Sorry, Dick. It's a matter of principle. Well, niggler. Well, Vito. Okay. You're not too busy yelling at black independent comic book writers and begging for YouTube subs. No, no.

Expect an even greater nuisance coming your way oh no i'll get you i'll get you both oh no damn you niggler damn you wait one You motherfucker Damn you, Niggler Damn you Wait, is this how You thought he would sound? Let's try this one Let's see This is a

Hey, what's up, Kerr? It's the Niggler I just wanted to know that I don't think Eric July Be jerking off his cats That's probably why He's kind of doing better than Peter. Ah, you niggled me there.

Nikola, out. Nikola, out. He's got a better sign-off than the first niggler. Do you think Eric July is jerking off his cats? I don't think he would have the, I don't think he would

know what to do. You don't think he could make his cat come? No, I don't think he would have the skills. Do you think that is why his comic's doing better than yours at all?

Because he's not busy jerking off his cats? Or just because he's not busy. The busyness doesn't have anything to do with it. Just like some sort of... Oh, I have too much going on. No, just like... Just like it doesn't occur to him at all.

To jerk off a cat. To jerk off the cat, yeah. So maybe that's... If he had a cat, it might occur to him. I don't know if he's a cat man. Well... I think anyone who's had a cat would identify with this problem. Okay, well...

Are there any pro jerking off a cat voicemails, by the way? There's got to be at least one. Let's see here. Let me see. Oh, yeah, this might be one. Hearing Vito talk about jerking off his cats was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Okay, well, that's not positive. No wonder why all cat people are lunatics.

Okay, I had that one mislabeled. Here's, how about this one? Cat rape veto, Q-tip veto, always with the hot cat tips. No, no, we're not adding that. We're not adding that bumper. Is that not a good bumper? That's not a good bumper, no. Cat rape veto, Q-tip veto, always with the hot cat tips. Do you get it, though? Because's not a good bumper, no. Cat rape veto. No. Q-tip veto.

Always with the hot cat tips. Do you get it, though? Because it's making fun of this one. I understand. Day trader veto. I understand. Yeah, that. I get it.

He did all the same things. I got there. What's this other one here? Hmm. Let's say more. All right, this guy is a fan of you, I think. Veto. Jesus fucking Christ.

Can anyone say anything nice about me? I started out mad, but I really can't even be mad at how laughable this fucking situation is. He's not mad at you. I don't know what your money situation is exactly. I know you lost a fuck ton recently, but you can afford a better chicken than coupon three-piece meal KFC. Well, they give you the coupon. I mean, I could afford to buy it normally. Yeah, but it said on the fucking coupon.

And again, you had me. You had me at the beginning. I totally agreed. That is a big problem, these minimum wage slaves. Yeah. You know, something like an extra sauce or whatever. Fuck it. You know, I give shit away all the time.

I don't give a fuck. But to complain about a fucking coupon deal you have same situation podcast that earns more than kfc pay that's true it's really fucking hilarious a fucking coupon kfc kfc is kind of expensive if you don't have a coupon at first said it's a 50 cent cent thing of mac and cheese. Then, like, seconds later, oh, it's a 20 cent thing of mac and cheese. I could have just given it to me. What the fuck? Oh, that mac and cheese only would have cost them a fucking penny to give to me.

I don't know why they would do that. Honestly, I'm helping them out. They have too much. Yeah. I mean, the mac and cheese probably does cost them, like, a nickel. And they charge, like, two bucks for it. Let's count how many episodes you got without having a food problem. Well, it wasn't, was that a food problem you go without having a food problem. Well, it wasn't.

Was that a food problem? Today you had a food problem. Okay. I guess so. We'll start today. Okay. I don't always have food problems. Did I have two food problems today?

I don't know. I had one food problem today. All right. Do you want to do super chats? Yeah. Let's do some super chats. There's only so many people who can tell me I raped a cat to get me through the day. Well, guys.

Cat raped Vito. Okay. Q-tip Vito. Oh, wait. Was that a different one? No, you got one right below it. Cat fucked Vito. Vito loves cats.

The guy who loves cats a little too much. Fucking him with a Q-tip for the cat's benefit not for his cat fucker veto that's the guy that's the stinger I still am not ashamed of this at all it's funny

I know I know okay so wait a minute this is stock tip veto stock tip veto okay don't add cat rape veto to the soundboard.

Well, this... Okay, this one... Cat rape veto. Q-tip veto. Always with the hot cat tips. Yeah. He nailed it. He nailed it.

Cat fuck veto. Veto loves cats. The guy who... Take a look at the cadence down. Loves cats a little too much. Shush it out too much. Fucking him with a Q-tip. Fucking him with a Q-tip.

Fucking him with a Q-tip. A little too much. The other guy was a little subtle about it. Not for his. Cat fucker Vito. Cat fucker Vito. See, I'm sorry. Don't add this one.

Don't add either of them. What are you going to use them? When is this going to come up? Anytime we mention cats. What do you mean when is it going to come up? Cat fucker Vito. Oh my God. gonna come up anytime we mention cats what do you mean when is it gonna come up veto oh my god well guys you can always vote up the problems at biggest problem dot show we've got bonus episodes available at patreon.com slash biggest problem and uh very very good show this week i'm gonna say oh wait we missed one we missed a To be fair Last week

Last week Shit I don't have the thing What? I wrote it down Which one we missed You wrote it down when I said it Yeah but I'll get it

I'm bringing it in next week Okay There you go You can niggle me with that next week We're gonna read some Super Chats now Thank you to everybody Who's donated to the show It does help out the show greatly

And make it possible For us to keep bringing you This fantastic content What a show Vito can't even afford food Mashed potatoes I can't even afford the mashed potatoes without these super chats,

but now I can thanks to PopQuiz for $4.99. Biggest problem is the 50-50 chance there's a 50% chance you agree with me. Agreed. Agreed. Charlie H for two. Best bar in LA, question mark. No.

You would know better than me. Is there a best bar in LA? Nope. They all suck? They're all bad They're all bad Cartographer for $1.99 Kaya Orsan vs. Ethan Ralph

Who's Kaya Orsan? He's the guy on On that podcast? The official podcast Yeah, we gotta make that happen Okay Ralph should go on The official podcast

I wonder if they'll have him though If they don't They're totally If they The official podcast Doesn't have Ralph on And doesn't let him say Whatever he wants

For an hour They invited him on They are Gigantic pussies They said he could come on You can't talk shit about a guy And then not let him come on I think they should do it

Reek for five Says those kids Deserved it twice I believe he's referring to the Sandy Hook Sandy Hook children Oh my god What is wrong with you fucking people

Stop trying to get me cancelled Why is that not as funny as Ashley Babbitt She doesn't do it She doesn't do it This doesn't even matter It does matter Like it doesn't We had nothing to do with it

Feeling any way about it Doesn't matter Just doesn't matter at all It's just either it's funny Or it didn't Like it doesn't matter I disagree now Pinkalo the driving aid for two Are the videos from licensed vets or just furries.

These are licensed. I don't know, man. There's guides online. I think vets will tell you. Look, it'll shut them up. Jim Satala for $1.99. Vito is just as much of a comic as Stuttering John. Thank you.

Yeah, Stuttering John's hilarious. Stuttering John's also a comic. What do you comic as Stuttering John. Thank you. Yeah, Stuttering John's hilarious. Stuttering John's also a comic. What do you mean? Stuttering John's fucking hilarious. He's a daddler, but he's a comic as well. No, his interviews, his interviews. Yeah, those were great. Those were fucking hilarious.

His timing was incredible. He used to be great. Not the greatest writer, but his timing's incredible. When he goes to, was it Ringo Starr? And he goes, what did you do with the money? At like a press conference. And Ringo goes, what money? He goes, the money your mom gave you for singing lessons.

And the whole hall just fucking erupts. Yeah, he's funny. Legendary. Jared Wickersham for 10 big dollars says, I can't wait for a bonus episode. That's just stingers. Okay. Well, you'll have to let us know in the comments which stingers you like the locks for five vote of kink shaming and support the patreon so veto can buy more romantic

toys for his cat my cat is fixed it needs no toys no more howling needs toby who comes from the circus not from the fair says uh for twoito voted for inflation That was pretty close Toby That was smart Riley for five Congrats on 50 episodes It's our 50th episode Congratulations Dick

Yeah 52 That's the one It's 52 Celebrate a year We already celebrated a year Well We miscounted then I guess

No we didn't miscount It's just we weren't doing An episode a week So a year came Oh yeah We missed some Yeah Congratulations well we miscounted then i guess no we didn't miscount it's just we weren't doing an episode a week so a year oh yeah we missed some yeah congratulations congratulations to the viewers because this is really you made this happen oh yeah with all your patreon and super chat contributions yeah thanks riley only 58 more to break the record i don't know what record that would be because there are no kind of a podcast record. Yeah, some podcast thing. Also, just go get

your Catastroker, Vito. I don't think. Yeah. Maybe I'll get that lady one. Adam Forte for $4.99. Vito should use a tuba. Yeah, I got it. I'm there.

Four. That's not... That doesn't count. That doesn't count? I could say tuba four? Yeah, that's not... For the next voted up stinger? Yeah.

All right. I don't know. I never know what qualifies. I could say two before. Yeah. For the next voted up stinger. Yeah. All right. I don't know. I never know what qualifies. Rare state cubes for five. Congratulations on 50. Can't wait for 50 more. Shout out to Liquid Richard. Rare state cubes for two.

Veto the Q-tipper Jizzworthy. Wait, I think Reverend Scott sent us something. Shit. I forgot to. I'm going to make... If we make shirts for the show, there's going to be a Q-tip shirt. With, like, a cat going, get that shit away from me. It would be a picture of a cat with a plus,

and then a picture of a Q-tip equals... Shit, I can't believe I forgot the Reverend Scott thing. Yeah, biggest problem, 50. As is tradition, Reverend Scott says, here's a segment from me. Is Vito prepared? Probably not. Let's do this after the... After segment from me. Is Vito prepared? Probably not. Let's do this after the super chat.

Thank you, Reverend Scott. Jim Satala for $4.99 every 60 seconds. A cat gets molested in Vito's house. That is not true. Vote up this problem so this abuse stops and Vito can get what he deserves, just like Trayvon. Why is that not funny? Shut up.

I don't want to go. Why is that actually bad? They're both adults. No, isn't Trayvon Why is that not funny? Shut up I don't wanna go Why is Ashley bad But they're both adults No was Trayvon like 17? Fuck please You of all people Talking about 17's not an adult Okay

Sorry he wasn't twerking I like that you went to the keyboard Like you're gonna look it up And prove me wrong We don't need it We'll figure it out Let's see Trayvon Martin age

Well you don't need age I say Martin 17 There you go That's fine Not an adult That's fine You said it was an adult I say Trayvon Martin age. Well, you don't need age. I say Martin. 17. There you go. That's fine. Not an adult. That's fine.

You said it was an adult. I say Trayvon Martin, like Martin the sitcom. Not Martin. Trayvon Martin. I say RIP a brilliant black individual who would have went on to be president of the United States. He could have written a comic. He could have written a comic. He could have written a Christian comic superhero.

Okay. P-Ttong for eight cold open trayvon babbit pew pew sandy hook grave robbing first topic q-tip a house cat that's what i get for listening in the car with my wife sorry p-tong i hope she made it through charlie h for two the voted up songs are the biggest solution. Somebody likes my stingers. Grogler for five. I would like to see Dick's heart rate on the screen again. Oh, it's too high.

John for five. Squid and octopi have the intelligence of a three-year-old, and some people will eat them while they're alive. Yeah, that's a little weird. I don't know why that's necessary. It's funny. It's funny to eat a thing that has a three-year-old's intelligence? Well, it's not really a three-year-old. I know, but it's like... It's funny to eat a thing That has a three year old's intelligence Well it's not really a three year old

I know but it's like It's advanced But it's advanced at like hiding Just kill the fucking thing and cook it Don't eat it alive Why not just eat it alive then Is that the end of the super chats or what No

We got a way to go Mike Hunt for two Vito seems depressed when not engaged in conflict That's true you do That might be true Maybe conflict propels me It inspires me It enables me You have to conflict with people who engaged in conflict. That's true. You do. That might be true. Maybe conflict propels me. Yeah.

It inspires me. It enables me. You have to conflict with people who engage with you, though. Deserve it? No, because like Eric July just kind of clowned on you. Yeah, but like- And you deleted your tweet. What was that? Well, because they always quote tweet, and I don't have any followers.

And he has like- Can't be deleting tweets like that. He has 160,000 followers, so i just go well you know i don't want to fuck with that i only want it to last it looked like you were wrong when you deleted your tweet i was probably i think i got one thing wrong oh that he said he was being censored i said that he said he was being censored but he doesn't say that he's actually being censored he just lets all his followers say it for him so why would you delete that because he's still kind of i just delete it when I go

I'll just leave it. I don't want to deal with it. Oh. You don't want to deal with it? You're like Mr. Causing Problems though. Yeah but I don't like when it stretches on until like the next day you know. I just want like two or three hours. You're like immediate release. Yeah. I want the quick endorphin boost of

fucking with a guy and then like three hours. You should have left it up. That's good marketing. All right, next time I'll leave it up. Well, when he finally does retweet you, leave it up, no matter, like everyone's going to see it. Yeah. No such thing as bad publicity. All right.

You know? Well. John Wayne Gacy, if he made a comic book, people would buy it. I also just think it's, yeah, I don't know. You might be right. Seth Johnson for five. think it's yeah yeah I don't know you might be right Seth Johnson for five clearly Canadian didn't bring back or bits and we're all suffering as a result vote it the fuck down or orbits was that like the gum uh no that's oh is it see I think he's saying some food item didn't come back

was Canadian the company that made it spider eternal five video has a problem with the two party government or a two party system running the government but it's okay with two cities overwhelming and one party deciding who runs the government

what was that in reference to geek getaway for 5 my neighbor's cat has been meowing all night how much of Vito swing by and take care of it I have a

box of q-tips Vito doesn't need to bring his how much how much to fuck I'm not doing it all right I did it once

like a jiggalo I didn't like it I wasn right? I did it once. Like a gigolo. I didn't like it. I wasn't like excited about it. I was like, let's just get this over with. Yeah, that's like a gigolo movie. They're never like into it the first time and then they kind of get into it. I don't know about that. Charlie H for two.

When are we getting a Biggest Problem in the Universe live show in LA? I don't know. We want to do it, but we don't know what to do about a venue. Because we need a venue that's not going to like charge us a million dollars, you know? I guess, yeah. I don't know what want to do it But we don't know What to do about a venue Because we need a venue That's not going to like Charge us a million dollars You know I guess yeah I don't know what The live show would be

I think we just do An episode of the show Okay And then we have And then we do a little Q&A where people put Problems of theirs in a hat And then we read the problem

Okay I could do that Yeah Just do an episode of the show Two problems Have headphones So we can hear each other Because they're going to Fucking scream And then And then I think We would have a box And people problems have headphones so we can hear each other because they're gonna fucking scream

and then and then I think we'd have a box and people can submit problems and we can read them with money yeah sure you gotta tie a dollar bill

to it yeah put some money 20 and then if it's like actually interesting we can go who's one whose problem was this

and they can come up if they have like a you know okay that's a good idea yeah alright David Gomez for two a guy has the memory of a woman remembering mistakes

Who's that? I don't know Either me or you You gotta specify Wet bandit for five From false food scarcity To filling your cat's cavity That doesn't rhyme though

That doesn't rhyme Chris Hyde for 469 Wow Vito is such a tubby Urfer? Did he mean effer? It's close. Oh, he's trying to get to tubby? Oh, he didn't get there. He didn't get me.

Close, buddy. We got a couple more super chats here. Get them in at the wire. Vito, I'd like to know how you feel about elections and election integrity is from Rich F for 5. I love election integrity, which is why I've written a hit song about Ashley Babbitt,

which maybe we will play on the show at some point. Yeah, I'll play it. I don't care. We've got to figure out what we're going to do. Well, your rendition, I think,

really knocked it out of the park. Oh, thanks. We're going to see. I think we can take that on tour. Okay. If you write lyrics, I'll play music for it.

Oh, I've wrote, like, a couple lyrics now. You have to write a whole lyrics of a song. Yeah. I'll play it. All right. I'll be like the Elton John.

We might have an Ashley Babbitt song coming. I would love to. I'm great at writing lyrics, I think. Charlie H for two. At least give a decent bar in LA. Well, I love the- Where are you? I love the Red Lion, of course.

Red Lions. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, it's a German restaurant bar. Charlie H, Vito, Be Fair. Tell me about a good bar. I believe I just did bruno cruz for uh 10 90 and what ruples brazilian dollars oh i don't know congrats on the 50th episode guys i wish i was just converted automatically speaking of congrats oh my Oh, my. Hey there, Dick and Vito.

This is Reverend Scott. And I just wanted to stop by to wish you congrats on episode 50. I've been listening to The Biggest Problem for what feels like over eight years now for some reason. That's not possible. And Dick knows who I am already, but Vito may not. Vito, I'm the guy that's sending a few segments into shows Dick's been on here and there over the years, trying to be funny. Hell, I've even sent in some stingers to the Dick show, such as Fat Watch, which is about six seconds long, which I admit is a bit long for a stinger. Anywho, since this is the biggest problem, I'll give you a problem.

Occupational stereotypes. These bug the shit out of me. You know, like, just because someone works in IT, they're a nerd. That's not necessarily true. Since you guys get paid to podcast, I consider that an occupation. There's stereotypes you guys have to deal with. Like, just because it's the biggest problem podcast, the two co-hosts have to be two certain types of people.

That's not necessarily true. That's not true. Like, Vito, you could be doing this show with any type of person, right? All we get is Hispanics these days. Well, how about just because your job is a podcaster doesn't mean you're a racist. You love everyone, right, Vito? I just don't love black people. Dick, just because you're doing a Biggest Problem podcast

doesn't mean you have to have a certain type of co-host, right? Vito's the same as Maddox. I mean, probably not politically. Biden's the greatest president ever. I guess my point is just don't feel like you need to act a certain way due to your occupation. I'll just be

black! That's not what I mean, Vito. I got fired from a job and I still had the key to the building, so I went in and I stole a television. Like I was saying, congrats on episode 50. Keep on being yourselves and keep on calling out all the problems in our world.

Vito, I'm glad you've helped Dick make this show a success. David, just remember that we're all equal in God's eyes, no matter what we look like. I can't even disagree with the things he's saying. What an individual and what a creator. Oh, thanks, Vito. Okay, I really must be going. So until next time, you need another good, stern congratulations. Peace and love, guys.

Well, here's to another 50 episodes, Dick. 58. 58, sure. By the way, if you like segments like these, I've done one every week for the last 12 years at the end of every episode of the Outside the Cinema podcast called Holy Shit with Reverend Scott. It's my little outlet for comedy.

Let's be clear. You're not a real comedian because you don't do stand-up. Okay, well, fuck you then. But I love you, Sean. No, no. I'll just be black. You were really laying it on in that way.

I got a good laugh from that one. It's true. I can't believe Eric Juley didn't call in. Well, apparently he's at a convention this week, so. I'm at a con... You're at a convention all the time. Come on. Yeah, there he's at a convention this week, so. I'm at a con- You're at a convention all the time. Come on. Yeah, there's a big anime convention. He's walking around, everyone's

sucking his ass, trying to get money from him. Oh, could you tell me how to get two million dollars? Oh, could you tell me how to get two million dollars? I don't want to get into it, but a lot of these guys I see, you know, are like small-time comic guys. They're like, oh, Eric, can I come out and talk about my comic? You know, it Small time comic guys And they're like Oh Eric Can I come on

And talk about my comic You know It's everybody trying to kiss How come I don't have Two million dollars Kiss Jesus' feet And uh Hey

You know Do what you can guys Okay Uh Is that all the super chats Well uh We're gonna refresh And see what it is

And you know If you want a good comic book You can head to Superkiller.org And sign up for the mailing list We're closing in on a thousand names on the mailing list. When's that coming out? I mean, I was aiming to do the Kickstarter in October.

Jesus. Maybe did I start? But I started, you know, I'm just getting the mailing list together. I need like a taste. Well, I got the artist to start on pages. Looks good. It looks cool. I have a bunch of art to show off.

Looks better than your art. Yeah, my art sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was worried that it would be your art. I'm not trying it, no. Yeah, it looks cool. Did we get any more Super Chats coming in? No, we didn't.

Well, what a great show. BiggestProblem.show. Vote up all the problems. Oh, and real quick, our top supporters. We want to thank all our top supporters for July, our dickheads and our veto files. Okay, thank you. Goodbye. Join the Patreon now so that you will be on the list for next month.

Bye. Bye.