The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 52

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

The IRS, Comply Guys, Mobile-Only Websites, Changed Passwords Not Saving

I should have brought in some comments. People talking about merchandise. Well, I have comments. Did you? Do you have the guy ripping on my merchandise? I don't think so. There's a couple of those. How much is he ripping on it for?

One guy ripped on the quality of the t-shirts that I sell. Oh, no. Another guy said, I hope Vito's not in charge of fulfillment because I'm still waiting on my pin set from like a month ago. And I'm like, all right, look. That's hard, though. It's been a lot going on. It's hard to get. You can't go to the post office every day.

You get 90% of it, 95%. And then the rest, you're like, man, I just like, I don't know. Space out. I don't know how to do it. Sorry. Sorry that you didn't get it. Can you share with somebody else? Yeah, everybody is waiting on merchandise.

I think I have a couple things that are getting sent out the next couple days don't forget you can still buy a copy of my card game enemy weapon still sell a couple copies here and there you do yeah you know what cause originally I was thinking when I originally made that game I was like oh I'm gonna go to a bunch of like

you know conventions like comic conventions and I'll have a booth and I'll sell them then something happened and all those conventions went away no all the conventions were show literally the second i got it printed it's like by the way you dream of uh you got cucked out i got completely covid cucked i got covid cucked in so many ways man well that's why i'm excited about so many ways getting the comic book together because then i'll have two things i can bring to convention i want to go to convention ruined our lives all stuff it did it did ruin you want to go Well, that's why I'm excited about getting the comic book together because then I'll have two things I can bring to conventions. I want to go to conventions.

It ruined our lives. It did ruin our lives. You want to go to conventions. I want to have a little booth. I'm a great... I've been to conventions. I'm a great salesman. But you like that?

Like sitting in a booth in those places? I don't sit. I stand. I have a little karaoke machine. I just riff on people going past. Let's hear it. Hey, there goes Master Chief More like

Master More like Bastard Chief You know You just fuck with people More like Master Baiting Chief Get over here Nice tits on your girlfriend though Is that chick from Final Fantasy

Hey she's too good looking To be your woman Master Queef Get out of here You enjoy that I do Being a carnival barker I am a great carnival barker.

I have a lot of fun with it. Well, maybe someday. Yeah. Are you going to try it again? Yeah, I would. Yeah? Yeah. No, I'm going to get a booth.

Once I have... What about your comic? Is that what you're going to sell? Your comic? I'm going to have the comic. I'll have a couple other, you know, t-shirts and garbage. Okay. I want to have a fun...

Garbage t-shirts. Yeah, that's your thing. Well, not garbage. Other things that are, you know, like-shirts and garbage. Okay. I want to have a fire. Garbage t-shirts. Yeah, that's your thing. Well, not garbage. Other things that are, you know, like trinkets and merch and whatever else. Crap. Bunch of crap that people are like, why did I buy this? That's why you're at this. Oh, shit.

I don't have a rhyme. I'll try to think of one first. Yeah, okay. Biggest. Uh. Shit. In. Shit, shit, shit. Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from crappy avatars to uh judges that go too far.

Yeah, there you go. Judges going too far. I'm a host of Magic's and joining me is always Vito Gisualdi. Very good. And today's rhyme was provided to us

by an idiot who didn't prepare for the show. I don't know why like some episodes all get 20 rhymes in but then some people just have to

be prompted I guess. I gotta do everything. You do have to record the podcast Go read the comments Go post Can you give me a rhyme, please? Well, fan interaction is a major part of the show We rely on you, the fans, to weigh in

And one way in which you can stop weighing in Is telling me which songs should be stingers Because that's literally All I've been getting for the past month or so people love it i made a voted up board it's on the patreon or on the discord specifically so people could give me voted up like news stories and stuff yeah but now it's just literally like what if you did like rage against the machine like no it's it's a segment with like updating the problems the segment is not little songs and we come up with a fun like yes that's clearly become part

of it but the core idea yeah do you need suggestions yes like is there a suggestion for the song you're like i never would have thought of that right right right well what about this major Top 20 hit Oh my god Man You kidding me I mean some I want you on New Drella

American Dream Yeah You're right And the worst part is If I do use one of those Sitting on the dock of a voted up Never would have thought of that Sitting on the dock of a voted up

Yeah If you guys could use that board To provide Again Problems that are in the news As opposed to just naming your favorite songs so you know you're gonna get now right yeah i'm just gonna get a million million song suggestions yeah good uh what i love is every week when i post the link and say give me your

problems yeah someone always says oh my problem is podcast host That ask the audience To do I'm like man How could you possibly Think that you're the first Either you're Either you don't realize Or you're okay with that Yeah

Now I know What I'm gonna get I had another guy go My problem is that Vito doesn't read The problems we give them And like comes up With his own

And I'm like Well that's just how I wanna do it Sometimes I'll I steal their problems Yeah you steal problems always Yeah I'm starting to run out though you have a good excuse you did an extra out yeah how do you run out of problems i'm always scrambling i have a list but some of them are terrible like what like venetian blinds that's a good problem i might bring in venetia i

tried to bring it in and you're like Don't do that one Well Okay because Whenever a comedian is on Yeah They're like irony guy Yeah You have two irony guys So we had a guest That's like

Too irony for me I think that's a good Secondary problem You're right But it can't carry a show Yeah When there's a comedian on You gotta really

You gotta support it I don't know What am I saying I don't know I don't know what am i saying i don't know i don't know what you're saying dick all right here's the uh here's the problems from last week kangaroo court okay that one was leading i get it wait you're saying it's not leading no it still is i'm saying again have you ever gone in and checked the voting Are you What's the last time you checked

A couple weeks what do you mean check Cause whenever I'll have a problem That is like positive and fine And I go okay it'll be up like by a couple Hundred votes or something You are such a cry baby cause you're a shitty problem zone How did it go It was at like plus 150

What was? Anti-woke marketing? Anti-woke marketing was in the positive by like 100 votes. All right, I'll check it out. How did it possibly end up negative? I don't know. You should tell me before. Tell me when you see this so I can check and it's not on the show.

And I'm like, well, I don't know. Now I'm just kind of disenfranchising everybody listening. Or you play along with it until after the show and then say, hey, there might be something wrong with the voting. Check it out. Because now it just emboldens these fucking F slurs to fuck around. Because VR chat was negative and now it's number two. How did that happen? Well, it's only got 48, though.

Yeah, but it was like negative. So you're saying Kangaroo Court. Kangaroo Court was winning, though. So you're saying was like negative. So you're saying Kangaroo Court. Kangaroo Court was winning, though. So you're saying there's election fraud. This is a kangaroo election. It's just like, it's so fucking exhausting to deal with the fucking people that think it's funny. Make them log in or some shit. I guess so.

Yeah, I guess we're going to have to do logins then. Some fucking fun that will be. Unless I'm just like really out of like crazy and 200 people out of nowhere vote my problems down. You don't think my Twitter commands 200 people at least? Yeah, but why would they all, again, because it's kangaroo court. It's Alex Jones. That's why. Everybody loves Alex Jones and everybody hates parents.

No matter what happened to their kids, we can all agree that parents deserved it Again I feel like the Republicans On the eve of the election Trump is comfortably ahead And then all of a sudden all these mail in votes Come out of nowhere I'll check the fucking thing I don't Your anti-woke marketing was not a good problem

Yes it was it was a great problem It was positive it was like number two Alright But now it's negative. 150. And now it's negative. I'm gonna graph the votes so we can see their... Can you graph them across time? Yes. Alright, good. I'm gonna do that just for you. And if there's any kind of bullshit,

it's logins. Well, if it coincides with the time that you tweet, everybody go vote, then that would be an explanation. This is why if orders don't get fulfilled. If you're missing a shirt or a winner's drink from my store explanation This is why If orders don't get fulfilled If you're missing a shirt Or a winner's drink From my store This is why Cause I gotta

Fucking prove That the up down works Give us the bogus Election results Dick Well now I don't even want to Well I'll just give them Now I don't care

Kangaroo court VR chat Anti-woke marketing Algorithm generated Merchandise There Are you happy? None of my problems should have been negative.

Something's happening. Something's going on. Turkey sandwich, dick spamming, sound effects after Vito said the magic word made me laugh. The hardest I've laughed in a while. Excellent work, fellas. That was funny. Oh, yeah. Okay.

That dude got you. He nailed me. Oh, he got you, man. He nailed me good. Rex, Dead Electrics. Vito, I had to leave my comment in full support because I couldn't agree more with your point. I've been telling my friends from every aspect of the political spectrum that they're just getting pandered to and nobody listens. You have easily won my vote for this week.

I just saw... How are you? What do you think about that guy? I've been telling everybody and nobody listens. Larry, you're killing me. I'm telling my mom. I'm telling my mom. I'm telling my sister. Well, that's what's happening.

I'm hanging out with teachers after school and trying to talk to them about how they're just being branded, too. All products are becoming this political battleground. It's sick. Have you seen Daily Wire just hired a bunch of, like, animation guys to make non-woke cartoons for kids? And they're like, we're not going to have insidious gay stuff in the car. I'm like, yeah, but that is... All right. There's already...

There's plenty of non-woke. And there's plenty of not... Yeah, you can just find cartoons that are not woke at all. If you go watch... Yeah. If you go watch like half the kids' television,

most of that shit is not there. But at least you can trust Ben Shapiro and The Daily Wire to keep it non-woke. Non-woke marketing. I think children's books, you're not planning to write a children's book, are you? I think we're all planning to, aren't we?

Yeah. I think children's books are the epitome of cringe. Have you seen the one that was made by Matt Walsh? Exactly. All I see is conservatives doing this, and I think, I wish I was dead. Yeah. Matt Walsh's children's book is like Jimmy the Walrus about a kid who identifies as a walrus and the doctor start turning him into a walrus.

South Park did that. But I have never seen, I had not seen the actual art before. And it's clear he hired some guy in Thailand on Fiverr because the art is like, oh my God, abysmal. Like just, you're like, these guys aren't even like trying hard with on the grift like hiring a guy who can draw they're just literally throwing it together in a in a fortnight and going well it's anti-woke don't you want to buy it a fortnight he's throwing that around yeah now well because what else would you say your head getting over two weeks in a fortnight like the video game no just You know when you say

That's how quick You put it together That's a common Length of time To refer to Yeah I think that's Two score weeks

Yeah two score In a fortnight ago Two score in a fortnight Okay Um Don't buy them But everybody has to buy Kids books

Cause you need like A zillion kids books For your kid If you want kids books You can use kids books At the thrift store. They're like 25 cents. Jake McZero says, Vito, quote, this is something you said, all art should have integrity.

I hate disingenuous marketing. I hate vapid and soulless merchandise like Funko Pops. Yes. Also, Vito, get ready for this. Let's sell shirts made of tissue paper once a month because I want to make more money, and I don't care if we oversaturate the show's merchandise with a bunch of trash. I don't. That's not why I want to make merch.

Merch is just cool. I like t-shirts. All the t-shirts I sell on my store, I sell them at such little markup because I just think it's cool to see people wearing shirts that I designed or have related to. You've seen Riley wears that drug shirt I designed all the time. It's like his favorite shirt. Did you, did you design that though? Wasn't that from a comic? Well, it was from a comic, but I like re I made it into an actual graphic. Oh, okay. But the graphic was in the comic on the shirt. Kind of mine's like, you know, an interpretation of that graphic.

There was a Christian comic and one of the, you know, it's like, oh, high schoolers now just wear shirts that say drugs with skulls on them. Yeah. And I was like, that's a cool skull shirt. I want to make that. Okay. It was inspired by a comic shirt. Yes. How much inspired would you say?

I don't know. I don't know. A hundred percent. 100% sure. Yeah. Publius says the niggler is amazing. People seem torn on the niggler. Some love him. Some didn't like him.

I think they're afraid they might get niggled themselves. Well, they should be. David Fresner says, Vito, you can't be a free speech absolutist And then say well you should be sued For lying those things conflict What do you think about that I'm not sure Because my understanding of free speech Absolutist was just

Flagging Alex Jones no no No that I thought that libel And slander were like accepted as Yeah you can well here's the thing Alex Jones can still say what he Wants it's not a criminal libel and slander were like accepted as yeah you could well here's the thing you can alex jones can still say what he wants it's not a criminal uh trial he just gets sued until he's destitute yeah well because he caused damage there at least the court decided that damages were caused where's the line then what can you not sue over if you can sue over hurt feelings well you can sue what

can you not you're saying you know without you're notable for then? If you can sue because feelings are hurt, what's off the table? Well, it wasn't because feelings were hurt. It's because they had provable harassment. What's that? Like getting phone calls

and people showing up at their house. Other people though. Other people who were influenced by lies that were spread by a large news platform. So what's the line?

What is that? It's a complicated line, but a news organization... How is that absolute for a judge then? The jury can decide. Yeah. You know,

and again, like with Nicholas Sandman, you know, did a bunch of people calling him a piece of shit really ruin his... No, if anything,

it made him into a celebrity, but he was able to prove a loss of reputation and harassment and probably some emotional damages or whatever else now he's getting big settlements across the board yeah but i don't care about that one right because that one's not as funny as the other one as no i just i mean like whatever fuck cnn um why not fuck infowars see that's that's where the divide is is that i treat InfoWars...

So you're not a free speech absolutist. I treat InfoWars the same as CNN. I'm a free speech... Well, they call them a racist. Extremist. Let's put it that way. It's not absolute, but the line should be very, very far. Okay, here's the difference.

I don't care if CNN got any money. Okay. I don't care. I like that CNN got hurt, and I wouldn't care how that happened. I see everybody say that him and Kyle Rittenhouse should sue everybody and get a billion dollars. Like, I see that from everybody. I mean, because it's illegal to say what we want them to do. Okay.

That's why... You want Rittenhouse to deal out some Rittenhouse justice is what I'm hearing. All I'm saying is, it's not my problem. Whatever happens in that building in Hollywood, maybe a bum did it. No one knows. I feel like, I know InfoWars is smaller than CNN, but I think that if you're acting as a news organization, you have the exact same. What about us? We're not a news organization.

We're clearly a comedy program we bring in stats and stuff it's comedy it's a joke no anybody who would trust us to report the news is an idiot okay okay now we do have a little bit we have some like we can't just lie about people and like make shit up about them i do, but if it's a clear joke. All I'm saying is, how come we can't get sued? Because we hurt somebody's feelings or somebody's going in harassing somebody.

Well, I don't think we've ever lied about anybody and hurt their feelings in any way. A big part of it is that it has to not be true. Okay, so lying is not covered. People keep bringing a certain Armenian fellow and I i go but he was a

cuckold by his own definition no he wasn't therefore basically his own definition was that it was a sexual fetish definition was bizarre okay but by the commonly accepted well still kind of by his definition the idea that he lost a woman he wasn't turned on by well maybe he was a stronger more capable man without flattering where i win you this argument i'm just saying that is why it's not the same it's because no no lies were told necessarily okay what about the people doing the harassing do they have to like pony up some dough if they could find out who it was um and that the harassment was i don't know you're saying you don't know who it was, but it happened? That's a little...

I'm sure they have some phone records. Okay, so where's their 100 bucks? I don't know how that works. I don't know if you can get... You probably could get some civil... You think they should have to kick in? If you're committing criminal harassment on the regular, I think you can be found. Was it criminal harassment?

Call up, hey, are you you a Muppet over there? Crisis Muppet. You faking that? Is your kid still alive? Listen. Is that criminal harassment? All right, it's a complicated case. There's a lot of moving parts.

Hey, is your pizza running? Hey, is your dead kid running? The jury was given the information, and they decided the way they did. I trust the American jury system, of course. Gang record. Okay, are you ready for my problem? I'm ready for my voted up segment, idiot. Please.

Well... Do you want me to play your stinger? I think we need a stinger to introduce... Take a look across our nation at problems like disinformation, fake news, and inflation. And you've got to vote it up. You know where it is, you must go. Biggestproblem.show.

And you've got to vote it up. Go vote. Go, go vote. Go, go vote. Go, go vote. Yeah, you've gotta vote it up. That was like three George Floyds of silence. Yeah. We really nailed it.

What are you going to get there? I'll be there in a couple George Floyds. I'll be there in two Floyds. Two shakes of a Floyd's fentanyl bottle. I'm not touching any of that. Voted up is, of course, this segment where we revisit past problems and try to convince you to vote them up. Dick, overpriced breakfasts was a great problem.

According to the Twitter account Unusual Whales Which you should be following They follow politicians And they tweet out When they've bought Crazy amounts of stock You know Stock tip veto Stock tip veto

All in with the hot stock tip It's a good account to follow But according to this account The average price Of the American breakfast Is soaring The niggler did it The niggler did it

The niggler screwed up He fucking got in my head Somehow And fucked up the audio I don't know The fucking niggler did it The niggler did it The niggler screwed up He fucking got in my head Somehow And fucked up the audio I don't know The fucking niggler did it The niggler strikes again Yeah

It's a bit It's a bit more than a niggle It's a bit It's a huge problem Well the breakfast index Composes the reported cost Of bacon, bread, coffee Orange juice, eggs

Milk and sugar Okay As recently as 2020 Those items would have cost you An average of $16. It's currently up 23% at $21 and climbing. Oh. The price of the average American breakfast continues to go up.

Go up? Inflation is real. So what is that, like three bucks? That is an increase of $5. For breakfast? It was $16. It was $16 for breakfast. Where?

For, for, for, if you bought at the store bacon bread coffee orange juice. A whole loaf of bread?

Yeah, that you're gonna eat? That's a big breakfast. Well, it's not, you know, it's breakfast for the, yeah,

it's not one breakfast costing $21. It's all your breakfast items Okay. together Okay. as an index. It's a way to items together as an index.

It's a way to track inflation, Dick. Okay. Another great problem was public urination laws, although I believe that one was negative. Well, thankfully, the city of Kalamazoo, Michigan, agrees with me by decriminalizing public urination and defecation despite the opposition of local business owners. Yes. No.

The local business owners are not happy oh yeah kalamazoo mayor david anderson says he hopes this change will allow police to better use their time related to these issues and uh it's a part of changing ordinances for equity so this is an equity issue dick okay not everybody can use a bathroom at any point in time sometimes you just gotta let the homeless pee and shit wherever they want, and it will help balance our nation out. That was voted up, of course, folks. Why can't we buy them some porta-potties?

Like, you think push comes to shove? We just can't. How are you going to fuck up a porta-potty? It's plastic. You just screw it in a new plastic. What, are they going to have someone to chew it up and rape? The problem is you gotta clean Yeah well it's just heroin needles the whole way down

You open the door and a couple hundred Heroin needles spill out like a looney tune Yeah You can't give those people any privacy That's voted out folks How come you started it like this? It starts like it's supposed to sound in the middle I think I fucked it up

Take a look Is that correct? Take a look across our nation At problems like disinformation Fake news and inflation And you've gotta vote it up If you know where it is you must go Biggest problem, that shows.

And you've got to vote it up. Go vote. Go, go vote. Go, go vote. Wow. Eric July. Yeah, you've got to vote it up. 3.4 million in sales.

Eric July. Congratulations. 3.4 million in pre-sales. To. 3.4 million in pre-sales. To Eric July. Amazing job. Wouldn't you agree? It's an excellent job for political fundraising. He might as well be raising money for a stupid documentary about Republican politics.

It doesn't matter what he was raising the money for. What's the documentary that you're referencing? 2,000 Mules? 2,000 Mules mules yeah did you watch it no what do you mean now why would i watch the cove uh yeah but when you can summarize what the the documentary's big hook is in about 15 seconds there's no reason to watch the whole thing th Thievery. Oh, my God. All right. Are you ready? Yeah. What do you got? The IRS. Wow. Do I even need an explanation? I think so, because we need taxation to keep our country flowing.

How could you have a problem with the Internal Revenue Service? Why do you think that? Why do I think we need taxes? Yeah. This isn't even a tax problem. Why do you think that why do i think we need taxes yeah this isn't even a tax problem why do you think that well it pays for roads and uh governmental programs the federal aviation sorry wait roads yeah you don't think we could figure that out without like you don't think i could get together i think that road would suck it would fall apart if you built i would pay the

same guys who are doing it now what if but i would find that contracting company job if osha's not there to uh keep an eye on them and set building parameters if they fucked it up i would say you're fired and hire other guys yeah and then a thousand people would be dead a thousand people getting across that bridge not a bridge, a road. Well, bridges are part of roads. I don't really need... Wait a minute. Why do you think that taxes somehow christen a bridge as good?

It makes it better than if there was no... I'm saying that your taxes pay for governmental agencies that oversee safety and building. Okay. And then make sure that the bridges are built to a certain code. Okay, so it's not the building. It's just somebody looking at it and going, yeah, that looks good. Why do we not need taxes, Dick? I think that's the bigger question.

I'm saying the IRS. Okay. The IRS. Right. And I said you need someone to uh to enforce the tax laws oh uh on whom on everyone everyone okay so the irs uh audits we're 87 000 new irs agents do you hear about this yeah i'm not happy about that well i mean that's a big that's a lot of new irs agents how many would you want how many did you want when you voted for biden

how many kind of the number we had now if not less oh kind of makes me think they're gonna really start a nickel and diming the average american taxpayer why would you say that aren't you don't you think they'd go after just the rich tax cheats the tax cheats well that's who they should go after but they won't why not well because it's actually i think i don't know if this is true but i think i saw a study that do they get more money out of just like sending little reminder notices of like hey you owe an extra 500 to like everybody yeah then going after like big guys yeah they audit they do uh the in-person audits uh equally to rich the rich very rich and the very poor yeah and they get like it's like 80 80 or 85 percent of the money do an in-person audit for the very poor uh yeah they assign an

agent okay i'm sorry okay hold on let me with them let me give you this let me paint this picture Well, they don't do an in-person audit for the very poor. Yeah. They assign an agent to like- Okay, hold on. Let me give you this. Let me paint this picture for you. Aren't you paying that guy like a big old government salary to what, squeeze 20 bucks out of a guy? Well, now you're thinking like a private company where you have to have a return out of that expense. Right. This, you just have to do something.

So we lose money just to terrorize the poor 80 billion I think the IRS has a 13 or 14 billion dollar budget It's gotta be higher than that Every year? Now Biden is gonna sink 80 billion more into it And send out

87,000 new agents With guns Who do you think they're going to... Who do you think they're... What do you think an IRS agent gets paid an hour? Too much. Well, it's at least, what, 30 bucks an hour? Probably 100 bucks.

I was going to say... 60 or 70 bucks an hour. I would expect that they're all certified public accountants. I don't know. The guys with the guns? I doubt it. All right, so 87... The guys that are going to work 50 hours right, so 87,000 of them?

87,000 new ones. Okay. How many work weeks are in the IRS? The IRS doesn't work full year round, do they? Probably, yeah. So how many hours? Well, 40 hours a week. Okay, so 40 hours a week.

How much they're making. But you got to subtract how much they're spending on ammo and guns because they've got, let me see here. Times $100 an hour times 87,000 agents would be $17 billion to pay for all those people. In 2017, the IRS had 4,500 guns and 5 million rounds of ammunition. For who? To do what with? This is a good question.

Turns out people are very attached to their money. Yeah. And you're never going to guess who's really attached to their money. Guys with guns? Guys who are broke. Yeah. Right? Right.

And that's who they're going after. So the IRS storms in and... That's what it shows up. Has a little check. They just want to ask you some questions. What does it say on the back of their vest? IRS? Do they have bulletproof vests and everything?

I don't know. It says La Migra. La Migra. On the back of their vest. Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know why they have guns at all. To be honest. Well, it seems like they could, you know, contract with another governmental agency

to enforce. Like the police? Yeah. Seems like they could say, hey, will you go, this guy videos withholding a $600 from his online. I don't want any part of this. From his online comic book sales. Yeah.

Can you go check it out? And the cops will say, well, go fuck yourself. Right? So then they need thousands and thousands. I hope the IRS is keeping track of Eric July's 3.4 million. See, this is... It'd be fun to see that guy get out of here. This is why I think the IRS is such a sickness.

Yeah. Because it gives, like what you've just satirically demonstrated. Why satirically? It gives people a direct feeling of spite and control over everybody else's life. Yeah. Without the IRS, the spiteful and the vindictive, the liberals, you would call them, using the parlance of our times. They have to hope that you fuck up. Like hope that you commit a crime so that they can hit you. Yeah.

Right? Like liberals are at home going like, oh, I hope that you commit a crime so that they can hit you. Yeah. Right? Like liberals are at home going like, oh, I really hope you, I really hope you commit a crime. I really hope you rape somebody or something so that the cops

can come in and get you. Right. Right? But with the IRS, everybody's committing crimes all the time. Just by having money. Everybody always,

everybody always brings up that stupid, well, that's how they got Al Capone. You go, yeah, I know. Yeah, that's the worst part. Yeah. Is that he was able to commit all the crimes he wanted. And get away with it.

And get away with it 100%. But it's like, I took an extra dollar out of the candy till. You're going to jail forever. Forever. That's not fair. That's a kangaroo court. Why did you get him on killing all those people? And you're like, we don't care about that at all.

Because all of them were corrupt also. As it turns out. So we got the autistic freaks at the IRS to just say like, eh, fuck it. Let's get him. Who cares? Send the IRS even have guidelines for if you're an illegal drug dealer

how to report your taxes. How to report your taxes. What you're an illegal drug dealer how to report your time to report your tax crime your taxes because they're like listen yeah what you're doing is highly illegal but it we really just want you to give us a cut yeah um let's see here i had over half of the correspondence audits were targeted at the small proportion of workers within with incomes so low that they claimed an anti-poverty earned tax credit to offset the tax otherwise due on claimed an anti-poverty earned tax credit to offset the tax otherwise due on their modest. Anti-poverty? How low do you have to earn to get that tax credit?

Like $25,000 a year. And the IRS is going after those guys? Yeah, and they got asked why. Congress said, well, why are you doing that? Why don't you go after rich people? And they said, we don't have the money to go after rich people. So can't you just do nothing? And they said, we don't have the money to go after rich people. Well, I also... So can't you just do nothing?

And they said, nah. The other thing that they said is, if you send a poor person a letter that says they owe $500 to the IRS... They'll pay it. They pay it without question. They have no choice.

Because they're like, what am I going to do? Get a lawyer? Rich people will pay five grand to not give $500 to the government. Exactly. You don't even to the government. Exactly. You don't even get the letters. I'm like, right here.

Forward it. Literally most of the IRS's stuff is uncontested. Just give us more money. Literally, they'll just send you a letter. It's just like, hey, can we get some more money? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Leave me alone. They can't possibly offset how much they're paid. Yeah. They're sitting there sending letters out and getting back. I've complied with some of those. It's like, give us 200 bucks. And I'm i'm like you know what if it just makes you go away 79 of taxpayers say they fear said their fear of being audited is one of the factors that help keeps them honest when they're filing their federal income tax the fear of being audited yeah

it's 80 four out of five the thing the thing that people don't realize And I tell this to people I'm like If you're not gonna get Criminally audited You know Yeah Are you telling people To cheat on their taxes

Well I'm just saying Like some people I've met some guys Who are like I didn't report everything I earned on PayPal I'm like PayPal reports it

Yeah PayPal reports But not over $600 Which you're supposed to Yeah PayPal makes you hit $20, really paypal still has uh an exemption uh they just don't do documentation unless it's over more than it's supposed to be that was another thing biden did to uh lower the reporting threshold right what did he used to be two thousand in a calendar year now and now it's six three dollars300. You run a lemonade stand.

I just wonder what all those guys with guns are going to do. That's all. They're nickel and diamond-ous. I agree. 96% of people say that it's their personal integrity. That causes them to not cheat on their taxes? Yeah. Personal integrity.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What percentage of people? 96. All right. Well, they're just saying that because they're worried the IRS is the one questioning them. Here's where this gets funky. And it's very difficult to, like I looked up crimes committed by the IRS. I was trying to find like crimes that the IRS does because they all, government cops,

they're all just doing bad stuff all the time. Right. And I can't find, it's always crimes against the irs uh oh they're squeaky clean yeah most most audits happen to high earners people reporting adjusted gross income of 10 million or more accounted for six percent of audits huh that's not most is it uh taxpayers reporting 5 to 10 million Accounted for 4% That's not most either Yeah, so there you go The IRS, huh?

It's made a poison In our minds I just feel like We're afraid of it Government agencies should be run efficiently And it's like bizarre that they aren't. What do you mean? Like, or like, there's some government agencies where it's like they're just underfunded.

And you're like, it's the post office. Come on. Like, we gotta have mail. Do we need a post office though? Do you? Well, I need to mail stuff. But now that we have. You use a post office?

Yeah. How do you mail all your stuff? UPS? Uh, yeah. Isn't that more expensive? A little bit. You mean like packages to people?

Yeah, packages. Sure, I'll use the, I'll use the post office. Yeah, so what are you talking about? Well,

what if they didn't exist? Then UPS has to, Then UPS and, Like are they revenue neutral or not? The USPS? I think the post office loses money, but I don't know. It's still the post office. Shouldn't that be one of those things where you go, yeah, it can lose money?

Why? Because it's a necessary thing to be able to get communication and parcels around the country. You got a computer. What's up? Well, I guess now- You pay somebody to do it? I don't know. Why does it have to be owned by the government?

Like, why? It is possible that the post office could be phased out and privatized. Yeah. I don't know why the IRS- But then you're going to get into UPS being like, well, we won't carry any parcels from certain unsavory individuals. What do you mean? Like black neighborhoods?

I don't know. Yeah. I mean, that's a good example, though. They could say, yeah, we won't deliver to this neighborhood because it's too unsafe. Sure. You run into shit like that. That's great. Why would you not want that?

Do you want, like, a public utility? They go, oh, we just don't have electricity in these neighborhoods. There's too much crime. Yeah. Kill them. Starve them out. Take their power all right until you guys like clean up your shit you're not getting air conditioning maybe that ought to

chill you out or just why don't you guys fix your fucking problem you all know who's causing the problems there's probably like five or ten guys just of crime I'll give you a Five or ten guys All crime Relates back to about Five or ten guys The entire banking Global

In a city Pedophile elite ring Was five guys Started by Only five Rothschilds Started it A hundred percent true Good problem Dick

Excellent problem Well I've got a problem Of my own Okay My problem comes from 100% true. Good problem, Dick. Excellent problem. Well, I've got a problem of my own. Okay. My problem comes from this tweet from Daniel Goldman, who interestingly was one of the lawyers who I believe helped the previous Trump impeachment. I had written it down, and now I lost it. Okay.

Anyway, as we know, Trump is currently being investigated for a number of things. Angry court. Because he's being awesome. That's why. They've raided Mar-a-Lago and I believe other places. And Trump has decided to do what many Americans

do in facing legal troubles and plead the Fifth Amendment. And as David Goldman, lawyer and congressional candidate. Okay. And I believe also heir to the Goldman Sachs fortune. Oh, great. Great. Love it.

Says on Twitter. That's who should be in a position of power here. Yeah. The Fifth Amendment ensures that people are not forced to incriminate themselves. But you don't take the Fifth if you didn't do anything wrong. My problem, Dick, is Fifth Amendment morons, or as I'm calling it, comply guys. Oh, so you're pro-Trump today. I am pro-Trump in this regard because I am pro-anyone who takes the Fifth Amendment.

Yeah. As is your right, as you should always do yeah and as every american should understand this is like child's level of understanding why you should not talk to the cops and yet you continually run into these so-called comply guys who go well if you did nothing wrong why don't you just comply and do whatever the cops say and give them all the information they want? It's infuriating, isn't it? It is very infuriating, yes. And it's like, it kind of, it really betrays their motives, which is, well, you guys take stuff out of context all the time.

Right. That's why. Because you know that you will just take anything and lie about it. Like you're saying Alex Jones did. They can't possibly comprehend. We're going to leave Alex Jones out of this. They can't possibly comprehend a scenario in which the cops could take otherwise normal information and twist and distort it in a way that ends with you being charged with a crime or ends up with you behind bars. Yeah, that's the whole reason we have the Fifth Amendment. yeah uh that's the whole reason we have the fifth amendment of course the fifth amendment reads no person shall be subject except in cases of impeachment to more than one punishment or

trial for the same offense nor shall be compelled to be a witness against himself nor be deprived of life liberty or property without due process of law but the compelled to be a witness against yourself they can't force you to give up evidence that might somehow hurt you, even if that evidence is circumstantial, ridiculous. You know, like, where were you on the day of the crime? I don't got to tell you shit. Okay, because let's say you were in the same town where a murder was committed at that point in time. That doesn't mean you're a murderer.

So why should you have to give them evidence that they could potentially twist and distort to be like, well well he was there at the time and he said to us that he didn't like that guy and you've given them all this circumstantial evidence that they can then build a court on as a lawyer will always tell you

for good reason shut your fucking mouth and don't talk to the cops I think it's I think they also have it on there the fifth amendment because they know if they didn't have it on there, they would torture it out of you. The cops would torture a confession out of you every time. Which they still do.

Yeah, they will try to do. Yeah. But at least you have that like Fifth Amendment. So anybody who's remotely legal, I'm just like, yeah, that's, I mean. Yeah. Unfortunately. The cops get really mad when you tell them you want a lawyer.

They do. Yeah. Well, cause I ever tell you about the one time I got arrested cause I was driving my car down the wrong street and they said I hit a cop or tried to hit a cop. And I'm like, I just went down the wrong street. What happened to Ralph?

Yeah, there you go. So they, uh, I was like, I was like, I'm like, if I act like a big dummy,

they're going to like treat me really nice. You know? So I'm just like, I don't know what dummy They're gonna like treat me really nice You know so I'm just like I don't know what happened no I just wanna go Can we just go to the police station And then we can talk about all this And they're like yeah buddy we'll take you to the police station Talk about it I'm like oh these handcuffs are so tight Could you loosen

They're like yeah sure buddy Cause they're like alright if I'm friends with this guy he's gonna spill everything And then we get to the Whatever the county jail or whatever the fuck it is, the jail police station. I go, all right, well, until I get a lawyer, I'm not talking to any of you. And they're like, I got us with the stupid guy fucking routine. Because before then, they're all like, oh, this guy's great. So you were good criminal, bad criminal.

I was good criminal, bad criminal. Okay. I was like, until we get there, everyone's going to be nice to me. And they loosen my cuffs. And they're like, we're going to get you a Sprite and a Big Mac, little buddy. And Until we get there Everyone's gonna be nice to me And they loosen my cuffs And they're like We're gonna get you a Sprite And a Big Mac Little buddy

And then you get there They got you a Big Mac? No no But I'm sure Did you talk to a lawyer I could have pushed it Yeah I did I did eventually talk to a lawyer

The next couple days But ended up all the charges That's the worst part In the first 48 That show Is when the people Don't just say I want a lawyer

It would end the show I want a lawyer I don't understand How you don't just say i want a lawyer it would end the show i want a lawyer i don't understand how you don't watch every cop show in existence i guess now the cop shows don't like you're so busy you're so busy stealing tvs you didn't bother watching them right it's just crazy that people somehow think they can talk their way out of some of this shit i love watching the jailhouse uh what do you call it the interrogations yeah and the whole time you're like just don't stop talking stop talking why he doesn't believe you no one believes you stop talking do you really think this cop lady is like really impressed by you they always bring in like a lady cop now he's like wow you're like a really

good family guy huh wow you really must care about your family who is mysteriously missing and oh by the way we found all their bodies in an oil drum. Shame. Who do you think might have done that, huh? Who do you think? And it's like, shut up! You could have got out of this! So many of these guys. You know, even bad guys. And I'm not saying this is

advice for bad guys. If you're a good guy and you didn't do anything wrong, the whole point is that they can make you into a bad guy. Making a murderer, we were talking about last week. Yeah. They will just fuck around because the cops don't give a shit. They just want to be like,

yeah, I caught a bad guy the other day. Busted him. Was he really a bad guy? I don't know. He seemed like a bad guy. He said that he did. He's in jail now, so.

That's where bad guys go. That's where bad guys are. God, it must be infuriating to deal with a cop. Yeah. That's why their wives get beat so much. Cops are, they're terrible. They tried to, they also tried to like, they're like, infuriating to think to deal with a cop yeah that's why their wives get beat so much cops are

uh they're terrible they tried to run they also tried to like they're like well you're gonna end up with a public defender or as we call them a public pretender because they really don't care about you and i looked i looked at this lady cop and i'm like you don't fucking call them that she was like trying to like scare me into And to like You know That your legal defense Yeah That you were Provided by the state Is going to be shitty

Oh the state can't hire lawyers But they can hire cops Yeah Okay got it I'm like you guys don't call them that You wouldn't dare call them that Out of their face You fucking pussies

Uh Anyway I just don't understand Because you see Again David Goldman Is a check marked guy Running for Congress And I think is a lawyer

I don't know if he's goofing around saying, you don't take the fifth. Anything that happens to Trump, as soon as Trump's involved, liberals brains just start short circuiting and they don't understand anything. Like he would never say that about anyone else. He wouldn't say that to his clients. He wouldn't say it's crazy.

It's nonsense. It's just Trump. And you'll see like celebrities saying, and they're like, well, he must have something to hide. And I'm like, I don't know if he is or isn't, but literally the Fifth Amendment,

someone saying the Fifth Amendment is just, I'm smarter than most criminals. That's the only thing you should take away from that. He's guilty, he's innocent, and it does not apply. It's just, I'm doing the right thing to get myself the best possible deal and possibly not get in trouble. Taking the Fifth Amendment is the smartest thing you can do. Don't talk to the cops. Don't be a comply guy.

I don't understand. Why don't you just do what the cops say? It was like that in Rittenhouse when he took the stand. If he didn't take the stand, everyone would think he's guilty.

Even though they saw it on video. And when they saw him crying, they go, well, that means he's faking. Faking, right. Which that crying was, that was pathetic. Got him off.

If I had done it, if I had killed those guys, and I had been on the stand, I wouldn't have cried at all. I would have made several witty remarks. I don't know if that would have got you off. I don't think your lawyer would advise you to do a tight to do a tight five on the stand and like all I'm saying is it was pathetic a pedophile

and a guy with a gun go to a protest how many pedophiles how many pedophiles end up dead on the ground how many pedophiles depends if I'm there because I'm going to waste them

right guys you get it whoa watch out now I see this guy running at me I'm like oh

now when a black guy runs at you he kind of runs like this you know Now, I see this guy running at me, and I'm like, ooh. Now, when a black guy runs at you, he kind of runs like this, you know? But this is a white guy running at me, so he's kind of like, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. And that's how I knew I could just blast him away. Yeah, don't do that. I don't think it's good. I'm doing a Chinese accent, too. He's like, well, you can't tell me to stop. I'm doing it.

Are you allowed to do racist actions on the stand? You go, you told me to tell the whole truth. And part of that involves, I think he had kind of an exaggerated Chinese accent. Yeah, he came at me. He came at me, and he was like, oh, me gonna take a gun, Mr. Man. You told me to tell the whole truth. And the judge, oh, I can't. What the fuck?

I can't stop him from using a racial accent, I guess This problem's gotten off the rails Guys, don't be a comply guy You did your Fifth Amendment rights You did your Fifth Amendment rights Oh, he should have just got in the car If he had got in the car, he'd be alive Well, he was in a car

And then they took him out of a car So you can't get in and out of a car And back in again? It's like so confusing He was having trouble breathing Oh, well,'t get in and out of a car and back in again? It's like so confusing. He was having trouble breathing. Oh, well, he got it. He got in and out. Oh, fuck. Apparently being in the car, I don't know if he was claustrophobic

or... No, he was lying about the breathing, though. Well, how was he lying? So not because he didn't want to get arrested. Okay. Wait a minute, what do you mean why was he lying? Because he didn't want to go to jail. No, I think he was having trouble breathing because he had just done a bunch of drugs and he was like, you know, and they're like, all right. He just kicked in suddenly.

Time to strangle this. Well, you know, it comes and goes. I would have done that differently, too. I do not want to litigate George Floyd today. It has nothing to do with anything. Do you know? Comply, guys. Comply in terms of, you know, stay silent.

It's like that's for security, too. Like, Tornado Cash just got nailed. Yeah. Like, well, if you don't have it's like that's for security too like tornado cash just got nailed yeah like well if you don't have some transactions to hide you you shouldn't be using it if you don't have anything to hide you shouldn't be using that with the banks it's like yeah well i got you know 90 000 irs cops with with 20 zillion rounds of ammunition lurking around i don't know i don't even know what they look like Yeah I don't even know what kind of uniforms they wear

So Yeah Although swatting is now lucrative I wish I don't know if you saw that news Kefals You're really fucked up, Dick That lady?

Yeah Because she's a chick It's like your Eric July thing Because he's If I was a chick With a bodacious body Like Kefals What do you mean?

What is Eric July exactly? Uh Black conservative. Oh, because he's black. Black conservatives, it's just basically like, it's raining money. Hallelujah, it's raining money. I would not mind. Every denomination, ones, fives, tens, and twenties.

Money, money, money, money. I'm a black conservative, money, money, money. I'm a black conservative and it's raining money. Amen. I mean, I didn't want to be the one to say it. Amen. Israel. It is a very popular demographic, the black conservative. Yeah, but you didn't say

that. You said it was about like art and shit. Well, there's a lot of moving parts not to me it is like a can there's like a candace owens level of like hey a black person who says all the stuff i like to hear that makes me feel good about my uh my political positions for some reason yeah i'm not normally i only hear them from a thousand white guys but now that i've heard it from one black person it means there's a diverse representative of right-wing views yeah yeah yeah yeah all right dick what do you got for me my problem is when you change your password on a website and you do the password

changing screen yeah and it's the saving the password thing doesn't save your password so then you gotta copy paste the password you got to copy paste the password, log, wait to see if the password, remember my password pops up. And then when it doesn't, you got to go log out, log back in. But sometimes it takes you to a new place.

So you have to put your password in a document and then copy the new URL and put it in again and then copy the new url yeah and put it in again and then copy the password and put it back in the login box and then see if the update password thing pops up and you're like fucking it didn't pop up again okay because you're using randomly generated passwords i assume yes yeah and it doesn't pop up every time what i find infuriating is that when you have to then use that password on a device like your television or something, and you're like, I can't copy and paste it. Like if I'm trying to log into Hulu on my Roku TV, it's like, what's your password? And I'm like, I don't know, a bunch of fucking ampersands and bullshit.

I don't even know if this is the same quote that I used on the computer. I did the change password when I've got my phone I do change password. It's like, oh, this password's never making it to the other computer.

Passwords are just the worst. I remember when he used the same password for everything and it was great. And now you can't. That was great.

That was great. They all get hacked and shared around. Now that password is on the Hall of Fame dumbest password list great and now that was great because that was great hacked all the yeah they all get hacked and shared now that password is on the ball of fame dumbest password list back when everyone just had a simple noun as their password yeah that's like the password yeah as soon as we had to use go beyond i'll take a password as soon as it was like on it numbers letters you know some hashes yeah that's when the world really that's when we should have abandoned the whole password and then you'll get to a website that's like you're

not allowed to use special characters and you're like how am i gonna keep track of this yeah yeah i encountered a password thing today right i said it had to be 16 characters long like are you fucking kidding me then why don't you just supply it? Yeah What do you What do you mean? I think that like 16 characters 1, 2, 3, 4 When are we gonna get rid of passwords as our You know we already have like the

Three factor whatever thing on the phone I almost think that's better Three factor Or whatever two factor verification or whatever Yeah I would rather have like a little USB like thumb scanner For my computer That every time I want to go like a little USB like thumb scanner for my computer that every time

I want to go to a website I can just scan your thumb. I don't know if I want the website having my fingerprint but maybe they could you know verify it

through Google or something stupid. Sure that sounds reasonable. Verify it through Google. Yeah. And then Google has all that. That's web 5. That's Jack Dorsey's web 5.

Is that what he's planning? Yeah. Digital. Distributed digital ID. Do we like Jack Dorsey? Um. is that what he's planning yeah digital distributed digital ID do we like Jack Dorsey um I well he's an F slur Ryan he like does

go on he does drugs that pussies do okay okay whenever I hear anybody saw a man talking about ayahuasca or mushrooms like okay why don't you just like would you do cum, too? Oh, man.

I really just snorted a big load of cum. So I was on, I went down to Mexico, and I did some ayahuasca. I'm like, oh, yeah, I went to Fire Island and snorted a bunch of fucking cum. How is that? It really made me in tune with God. I mean, mushrooms are fucking idiot.

It's not like a brag about. If you're a man talking about all the mushrooms you're doing, back of the line, the dick sucking line, where you belong. No, it's fine to do. I mean, whatever. Is smoking weed gay?

No. Well, how's weed not gay, But mushrooms are Mushrooms are just like Just do real man Do a man's drug Like heroin Cocaine Okay cocaine

Cocaine I don't think cocaine is Acid is good Cocaine's different from mushrooms though Oh yeah Cocaine's like a Pep me up You know

I don't know What if you want to see shit? Open your eyes I want to see shit Open your eyes I want to see colors Get in the car Drive around So Jack Dorsey's not a slur But we trust him

With the future of the Web.5 Not really I mean he's He's just like so So like I don't think he has A single bone in his body

Yeah He's just like a Blob He's so whiny All the time He's such a pushover Is he the same jack on twitter is that yeah yeah yeah he's the one that put it in elon musk's head to buy twitter did he just such a bitch ass i don't know what else to say about that he like arises such contempt in my stomach

every time i hear him say anything even if i like, I'm like, you're just such a bitch. Well, he kind of what was his. Did he invent Twitter or did he just kind of like luck into it or. Yeah, pretty much. OK. Did he but did he build Twitter? Was he like, yeah, OK. So he kind of got lucky, made a cool social media thing, which has ruined the world because he is a bitch ass.

Yeah, because he bitched out to everything. And now he still continues to this day bitching about how VCs are ruining Web 3. VCs are ruining it. It's like, you have all the money, you fucking bitch. Just say no. Say no and do whatever you want. Like the rest of us. Why did he leave Twitter if he has such a great vision for everything?

Because he recently said. He's doing too many mushrooms and ayahuasca and fucking gay bars, wherever he is doing it. Because I remember seeing him and he's like, you're right. We shouldn't have permanent bans on Twitter. It's like, you know, you can suspend somebody for six months. But even like Trump should have a period where it's like, okay, you fucked up. You learned a lesson and now adhere to the rules. I was really hoping that he like, because I do feel that way.

It's like, okay, like I got my Twitter banned. And now I now i'm like well it's been like a year i'm not fucking around obviously you've had a twitter band i was like okay never right okay well regardless it's the kind of thing where you're like why do you gotta ban somebody forever like literally just cut them off from social media especially when it's the same people that believe, that support the IRS. The same people, the same group of people. We need a survey. Yeah. Here's the survey.

Yes or no, do you support the IRS? Okay, question two. Do you think that... Support banning. Do you think that the people who take the Fifth Amendment are probably hiding something?

Yeah. Like, okay. And then number three, where would you like to be shot? In the head or the stomach? It's the hiding thing. And then we do the where would you like to be shot? In the head or the stomach? It's the hiding thing. And then we do the opposite of whatever they, oh, I'd like to be shot in the head. I'm like, okay, that sucks for you.

Goodbye. Goodbye. This is you fucking causing all of the problems in the world, you fucking idiot. Well, how do we fix the password problem, Dick? Or is there no fixing it? No, there's no. I don't know why it does it. They got to, yeah, this guy's got to track it. problem dick or is there no fixing it nah there's no i don't know why it does it they gotta yeah

this guy's gotta track it well sometimes it like doesn't know what the username is and it doesn't know which one's the password they should fix that up yeah okay that's my problem well dick i have a similar sort of technology problem my problem is these mobile only sites and applications. Okay. This drives me nuts. Now there's an app I like to use called offer up. It's basically the replacement for Craigslist. Yeah. It's cool. Yeah. It's cool. So you can post pictures of what you want to sell and sell it to people. Yeah. Okay. So you go to your phone, you upload the picture of the thing you want to sell and you sell it. Yeah. And you go, well, this is, this is great. I have a lot of pictures of the things I want to sell on my computer.

So what I'll do is I'll go to my computer and I'll upload from my computer to OfferUp to sell my items. Yeah. And you go and they're like, oh, so this is like a mobile only site. OfferUp isn't though. Yeah, it is. It is. I use it on my computer. Are you able to list items though items though no i don't want weirdos coming to my house yeah well you're not listing items you're just buying shit you can buy shit sure but i want to like list shit okay to get

rid of but instead i now have to transfer photos from my computer to my phone upload it it's a it's a waste of my time same with uh tiktok you try to like upload videos to tiktok they don't want old people on tiktok that's why it's creepy it's all they don't want guys like us on tiktok they want girls who don't have a computer don't know how to use a computer that's what they want it used to be the default was everything was built for your computer and if it worked on your phone it was like a fun afterthought but now it's like 80 percent of mobiles uh 80 percent of internet traffic's on mobile i know it sucks for people who are normal and not douchebags who do all their work from like a regular computer instead of twiddling on their phone like a moron. Okay. Is that half these sites are like lacking the functionality that I get on the shitty little tiny mobile version.

Mm-hmm. Twitter Spaces, if you tried to join a Twitter Space. It's there on mobile. Only on mobile. Because you can listen to it on your computer. You know why? Because if you're on a computer, fuck you. Why?

You got nothing good to say. Why? If you're on a computer, pull out your phone. No. And use to say. Why? If you're on a computer, pull out your phone. No! And use your phone. I want to use the computer. I want to use the computer. You're going to fuck around on the computer.

If you try to upload something or list something on OfferUp on your computer, you probably fucked with it. If I'm selling an item and I want to write out a good description of what it is, wouldn't it be better I use a keyboard? No, just post a picture. Because every OfferUp description is Is just like It's a book Bye Yeah look at the fucking cover There What do you need more

Fucking info on there No I wanna know When you got it How long you had it Who you still own it Oh give me I don't have time For all this shit

Just put it up This is complete bullshit Take the picture Or that whatnot app That I keep talking about This is bullshit Cause they want you To download the app

They have giveaways On that app And it'll be like Press this button To join the giveaway. You can win some. And you're like, oh, awesome. You click it. And they go, mmm. Giveaways are a app only function. And I'm like, cocksucker.

Why do you care? I'm buying stuff from the site. Why can I not take advantage of everything on the site? No, because they don't want you. Why? Because your money's no good there. You don't have any fucking, you have no, you have no relevance in this world.

If you're not on the go, on your phone, driving around, looking at cards, you're not important. If you're not driving around looking for deals, hot deals,

and entertainment, then you're not important. I don't want to be forced onto my phone for everything that I just want to participate in with these apps and sites. I have a clearly superior device onto my phone for everything that I just want to participate in. Well, these apps and sites, I have a clearly superior device that can clearly handle whatever task a

mobile phone could handle. Yeah. Even games now will be mobile only. And it makes no sense. I was trying to play. There's this final fantasy battle Royale game, which is like pretty fun. God,

you need a phone to be on it you need a phone to play it and you can't use like you're like i want a controller so i can like you know access all my magic spells or instead your thumbs crowding the whole screen why is it mobile only just put make a steam version of it game it's final fantasy i like it and you get like little uh you get little cool costumes for your characters. And instead, I got to open up an Android emulator, which is all slow and bullshit. And then I have to load the pictures of the items I want to sell into a special folder. Just use the phone. No, it takes longer.

Send it to your phone. Email it to yourself. Very simple process of sending an email, no attaching it to an email going your phone downloading the email to a mysterious place this is worse don't know and then you go in the app you're like i don't know what folder you put it in i don't know where it's at and then laboriously typing out on that stupid little tiny phone keyboard when literally my computer i could have listed that item in about two seconds i got got all this garbage I got to sell, I guess, is the other big problem. Like what?

I don't know. I got a bunch of trash. I got a bunch of extra video games kicking around. Like what extra video games? Well, I had a fan give me a bunch of video games, and it's awesome. Like what? Oh, dude. Gave Taurus in the mouth.

So he sent you video games You had doubles and triples of No no no Like this is This guy is literally The greatest guy ever And uh I should send him Some sort of

Bonus thank you Whatever the hell Like a free Like a preview Of Super killer If he wants a preview He can have a preview

Of super killer I'll give him that I'm surprised you didn't bring in Finding people to Read your script Uh Well I didn't know in finding people to read your script. Well, I didn't know if people could relate to that problem. It's funny. Yeah.

Well, finding people to read my script has been a headache. Yeah. Dick, if you want to read it, you know, it's available. No, I know. You have some comedic instincts that might help out there. Yeah. Yeah. We're literally partners on a popular podcast and are invested in each other's success.

I want to read it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Yeah. I'm invested in your success. Okay. I try to help you and give you crazy ideas and whatever else. That's true.

You do. That's true. Thank you. Okay, so what's your problem? My problem, though, is mobile only mobile only mobile only for games for apps for websites everything should be available on a mobile phone also on the computer okay there's no reason why not okay well because tampering and like you know demographic okay but if you're making a thing and it's just for stupid mobile children why don't you make something for the adults who have a pc pc enjoy it as well no they don't what's

wrong pcs just like look at them they're bit the environment they take too much power you're a mac guy so you wouldn't understand i went yeah i'm going from pc to Mac and then soon nothing. You're a Mac, Mac moron. Okay. That's going to be my next problem. All right. Macintosh morons. Apple fanboys. Macintosh morons who can't even get the audio on the show to pipe through the fucking thing.

Because fucking Apple screws it all up. The PC did that. Go to biggestproblem.show, patreon.com slash uh biggest problem where we'll be recording a new bonus episode today which should be available this week as you're listening to this yeah that biggest problem will be biggest problem back to school edition god i hate school oh i hate school okay You went to college though, right? Yeah. Like four years? Yeah. I did two years of community college.

I was like, I'm tired. I'm done with this. You're smart. Yeah. Okay. Here's some voicemails. So my wife's a vet nurse. What?

And I asked her if it's normal to. Oh, the vet? The vet? My wife is a vet. I think he means army vet. Oh, okay. She's a veteran. My wife's a vet nurse. My wife's a vet nurse.

My wife's a vet. And I asked her if it's normal to say, like, jerk off your cat to get it feeling better. And her exact response was, no, that's not standard procedure. Just get your cats fixed. There you go. This makes me very upset. Good. Fuck women You were disgusting

He phrased The question wrong Call me back You can't ask Is it normal To jack off Your cats To make them feel better

That's for a guy cat You don't jack off A woman I didn't jack off A jack off the cat Because the cat is a lady Yeah The question is

Is it acceptable To use a medical grade swab i'm just holding a q-tip here if you have a cat happens to back up into it and grind her dirty pillow uh whatever dirty pillows yeah yeah they're in the same spot grind her dirty dirty parts all over it how can i be held at fault um you can in the court of public opinion and i saw another comment on the reddit that was like why would veto admit to this and i go guys we've literally milked like three weeks of jokes out of it like oh you're doing it for the show because i knew it was I knew Look I knew it was funny

It is funny Okay Alright So you did it on purpose Well I brought it up on purpose I didn't I didn't Oh I guess that's true

No matter what I didn't you know Get my cat off Going this will be A funny anecdote For a podcast Five years from now I bet you did

I bet you kind of did No I just couldn't deal With the yelling Uh Okay Hey what's up guys This is Dr. Scrimpses From Miami But check this out I was talking to a friend No, I just couldn't deal with the yelling. Okay. Hey, what's up, guys? This is Dr. Scrumptious from Miami.

But check this out. I was talking to a friend, and I don't know why. But for some reason, I brought up the podcast instead of talking about Vito. She really started digging Vito. But she's so shy, so I decided to call and break the ice for her and get you two talking. Here, pass the phone to her real quick. This feels like a goof. Dude, go on. Here, take the phone.

Don't be shy. That's my dog, a goof. Dude, go on. Here, take the phone. Don't be shy. That's my dog, Vito. Dude, just fucking take it here. Okay. Meow, meow. Meow. Meow, meow. Did you know that was going to happen?

Meow. Meow. Oh, wow. I could really feel that. This is the whole show now. This is all the show is. You have to crack open a window and everything. Crack open a window?

I gave you your information. You should be on the next flight over there. Don't worry. Crack open a window. All right. I got it. I'm a cat fucker. You motherfuckers. Did you order a book? Oh, shit.

I'm out of books. I got to refund you. Did you hear how he sold it? He really sold it when he brought the camera on. Wait, wait, wait. Like a buildup of trying to get her on the phone? Yeah, okay. Here, I'll tell you when it... Here, pass the phone to her real quick.

Dude, go on. So all this is like unnecessary. You could have just said, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. No, you really wanted to lead him because it's so genuine. Hold on. No, just talk to him.

Don't be shy. And then his cat voice is clearly him. Take it here. Here. I'm literally saying meow. Okay. You nailed it, caller. Good bit.

There you go. Yo, Vito was right about the anti-woke marketing shit, right? So I went to go see that Minions movie. Well, I didn't go see it. I pirated it because, you know, fuck all I was. But I saw this new Minions movie because, like, the Daily Wire and, like, the Babylon Bee said, like, oh, it's not woke. Like that new Buzz Lightyear movie. said like oh it's not woke like that new buzz lightyear movie and so i go and i'm watching this movie expecting there to be like you know fbi crime statistics or like um

i don't know like some american history x curb stomping but no like opens up with like a chinese cover of bang bang by nancy sinatra and then there's like a random chinese lady who like teaches the little yellow guys kung fu and then like it's all about like the chinese new year and like it's it's anti-woke marketing is just corporate bullshit that's marketed for Chinese people. Yum. I got you to see a Chinese movie. It's against the law. They don't exist over there. So all the corporate media is just anti-woke shit without the gay people.

Fascinating. Vote it up. Vote it up, baby. Anti-woke marketing. Vote it up. Vote it up, baby. Vote it up. Anti-woke marketing. There you go. You're getting through to people. Well, it is funny that when that Lightyear movie came out that has like a two second kiss that's literally just like

Nah, it ruins the movie. It's bad. The kiss? It's uh The movie sucks regardless. The kiss? The kiss? I don't care what. If the movie was The Patriot and it ended like that, I would have said, this is garbage and should be rejected in all its forms. This is the worst thing I've ever seen. The kiss in Lightyear?

The kiss in Lightyear was one of the biggest cinema. Exactly. Shut up. Yes. You're a fucking idiot. It was so weak and noncommittal. Yeah, it was like nothing. You wanted like a full-on Les Out session.

I mean, if you're coming home from a space war and that's your greeting from your wife. No, that wasn't coming home from the space war. That was like them having an anniversary. It was like an anniversary party. What was the movie about then space marines and stuff the movie sucks

what is you know this like the military guy after the V-Day picture on Times Square taking her down whatever

that's a greeting consensual kiss yeah whatever the nurse years later said he forced himself on me well I hope she's dead now well she probably is

good that's a that's a kiss she probably is good uh that's that's a kiss okay that's boom wow this like i'm a lesbian i'm a lesbian you're a lesbian it was it was offensive point i was offensive point i was trying to make was a lot of these youtube guys some of whom may have been born in july made a lot of uh videos that was like minions destroys woke light year and you're like they're just two different cartoon movies man yeah minions made more money because like but the reason people didn't go see light year was like uh what do you call it first of all it's not actually buzz light year tim allen's

made no sense it makes no sense makes no sense people did not go see it because there's like a little gay kiss in it or the number of people who didn't go see it for that reason whatever it's like such a minuscule amount of the population but it's offensive still it's not it's it's like you're being it's like what if the okay what if there was a roseanne movie remember the show roseanne i remember roseanne and then she's a lesbian And Roseanne kisses like Fucking Who's that The queen of mean

Liza What's her name What's her name From Roseanne No no no The queen of mean Who's always in the roasts The Comedy Central roast

Liza It's not Liza Minnelli Oh shit It's not Liza Minnelli No it's that woman who makes Who says like she always fucks black guys I don't remember Lisa Lampanelli

Lisa Lampanelli So then it's like Oh the Roseanne movie Yeah John Goodman's there and it's like, yeah, DJ's there. Yeah, doing all kinds of and then it's like at the end, it's Roseanne and Lisa Lampanelli

like, oh, I love you, honey. The Lightyear movie was not selling itself on the, that was not part of the marketing. They weren't like, come see this awesome lesbian kiss. It just happened to be. They put it in. Yeah, well, lesbian kiss it just happened to be in yeah well just because it's because it's two people are in love so there's a little you don't see andy's mom kissing anybody in toys any of the toy stories i have no idea what this conversation is well you

just don't they put it they put it in they put it in like they pussyfooted it in i just flat out reject pussyfooting doesn't jesse kiss buzz lightyear at some point probably when he's all mexican yeah when he's all Mexican. Yeah, when he was all Mexican. Doesn't he dip her and give her a smooch or something? Awesome, yeah. That's great. He wanted a more aggressive kiss.

It's a normal kiss. If you're making the choice to have your fucking $200 million characters, if you're making the choice to make the computers do a kiss, do it properly, all right? Show some, I'm actually annoyed that you come home from a day at work and your fucking wife just gives you a a little tiny peck on the cheek fucking act happy to see me for fuck's sake oh wow i'm so glad you're home at your fucking birthday or anniversary something internalized problem yes it is internalized that's what a

fucking movie is for my internal problems reflected at me from a fucking screen. And if you do it wrong, I hate it. That's the problem. I'm sorry you couldn't escape into the magical world of Buzz Lightyear, Dick. All right, she's home and she's back. That was the fucking kiss that you get from your lesbian wife? What the fuck? How about I'm happy to see you?

How about like at least a little bit? This is how you say hello. Oh, well. Oh, okay, hug, whatever. Oh wow, look at you! There was a party! They had to get to the party! There's no time for a grand show of emotion. If a woman ever said that to me, I don't have time to greet you properly. We have to get to this party. It will be over. That's it.

Okay, alright. Done. You know what? Why don't you go to the party yourself? I'm going back out into space. I'm going back out to shoot creepos or illegal Mexican aliens. This feels like a petty problem to take with the light year movie. It's like leaving the fridge open on a movie. Like, what are you doing? I got it.

I got it. All right. I don't think you do. I don't. I really don't. But I'm going to say I do because this is insane. It's very upsetting to me and a lot of other people. You should have just saw Minions then, Dick, because it's anti-woke.

Because there's no women in it. There's no women in it, and there's no wokeness, and that's all that matters. Okay. Hello, Dick and fucking Vito. I got a tear in the Vito again. I had to pause mid-Kangaroo Court fucking problem because Vito is such a goddamn idiot. I'm going to get my voicemails always played because of how retarded you are, Vito, so I can blow your shit up. Listen.

Wow. You cannot be an absolutist about freedom of speech if you have to decipher the differences between satire and not. You literally just acted like someone needs to, like, say I'm kidding or whatever, right? Joking. But then all of a sudden, this other fucking joke that I don't understand because I'm too young to get it, the ad that you said, and it was obvious because the Christian guy, whatever

the fuck, wouldn't do that. Fuck you, dickhead. There's no fucking difference. There's a landmark case, cocksucker. Go read the case. Absolutely. From racisms to fuck you to niceties. It does not fucking matter. It is absolute freedom of speech. In society, it does.

You can't harm someone's reputation. Some people get their little pussies hurt when it comes to freedom of speech. Yeah, little pussies. They can have real economic ramifications on people. Yeah, but nothing will bring their kids back. So what does it matter? They're going against those freedoms and then people like you, Vito,

who decide that sometimes you get to decipher it and other times you do not, means you're full of fucking shit. You old baby. I think he just does not understand. He doesn't understand speech. Anyways, as well as

Dick, when it comes to kangaroo court, I truly believe that what really fucked it was reality TV. I think that Judge Brown and 2D and all that shit and fucking Terry Springer, that shit got so popular that the courts now think that they can beat that on actual large broadcasts to the millions instead of the smaller millions or whatever. I agree. Your honor, just look at him. Yeah. I think Dick's on my corner You

You agree That slander and libel law Are Should exist No Not at all Um I don't know

If there's a business Let's say there's an ice cream shop And I go there every day And I hold a sign That says This guy rapes kids Yeah And he starts losing business

Because I'm holding up a sign That says The owner of this ice cream shop Is. Yeah. And he starts losing business because I'm holding up a sign that says, the owner of this ice cream shop is a pedophile and he'll rape your children. He has no legal recourse to say this is a bold-faced lie that is affecting me economically. No, I don't. I mean, personally, I don't think so. That's crazy. I think they only made defamation law to stop duels. I don't know if that's what it is

That's what I think That's interesting I think duels are better Look speech clearly has economic power Cause you can't stop like all this reputation ruining that you're talking about It's losing me business cause you're ruining my reputation What if he says the ice cream has poison in it It'll literally fucking kill you if you eat the ice cream.

The poison makes it better. But that's not an opinion at that point. There's a difference between having an opinion like, if you had a sign that says this guy is a piece of shit. Why? Why if you're standing in front of my store and you say, this guy is selling poison. This guy has fucking literal poison in his ice cream.

Yeah. Why do I deserve to... Why is there a sign that says this guy is a piece of shit? No, why even the poison thing? Why lies? Why do flat out lies? I'm getting ice cream and I see some fucking idiot with this ice cream is poison. I'm like, oh shit, wow. Thanks, buddy.

Not everybody, but some people might see it and go, well, I don't want to. Let's put it in the way. It emboldens. It makes, it's the government endorsing lunatics with signs. So if the government says you can sue lunatics with signs, then it's kind of saying if lunatics with signs exist, they're right. Like that's the unintended consequence.

This is like a fifth amendment argument. If you plead the fifth, that means you're guilty. If you have a sign, that means you're telling the truth. It's the unintended consequence. This is like a Fifth Amendment argument. Yes, it is. If you plead the Fifth, that means you're guilty. If you have a sign, that means you're telling the truth. It's the same stretch. It's like if people say, well, why don't you sue that guy? If you're really not poisoned, well, why don't you sue him? Right. That's a thing that people say, well, because it's defamation.

And you say, well, because defamation is extremely hard to win. Like, look at Vic Lasagna. Mm-hmm. Right? They defamed him, destroyed his career. Okay. And they said, well, if we're wrong, sue us. And he's suing him.

And he lost. Well, he's... Millions of dollars. He's appealing it. But how? But at what cost? Look, I'm not saying that you automatically win, but at least he has the ability to pursue legal action.

You're saying you would prefer to live in a situation where Vicick lasagna gets defamed and then it's just like well that's just what happens yeah you're not allowed to work in the industry anymore no that's different i'm saying that because defamation law exists it puts the onus of suing people on you yeah it's not when otherwise you just ignore it. Like, yeah, I mean, you know, they're fucking crazy. The ice cream's delicious. Look here,

I'm eating my fucking ice cream with my kids. Here's my fucking kid. I'm feeding him fucking ice cream. You think there's poison in it? You fat bitch. Like, you even fucking care. Just order it.

It's $2. Fuck that guy. In fact, I'm gonna start spreading shit about him. He raped his wife. Should you be able to lie about your own products? Yeah, sure. You should be able to say

this ice cream cures cancer. Jesus Christ. What? What's wrong with that? No. Prove it. I have cancer. Can I buy some for two bucks? Oh, Oh I have cancer Can I buy some For two bucks

Yeah Oh I still have cancer Hey everybody I uh Like Amazon Amazon ratings work I don't consider that free speech

I don't consider a lot What if it says Oh 40,000 fucking reviews Wow I bet this is a fucking Good battery charger Can I lie On the packaging for my TV And say yeah

It's compatible with all these things And then it shows up And it's just a brick in a box Well then you're gonna go Isn't that free speech? You go, well it's free speech I can say whatever I want on the advertisement Yeah, you're gonna take it back to Best Buy

And go, if you don't take this back I'm gonna fucking burn your store down How about that? Credit card company Hi, yeah, fucking, uh, Joanie Whatever, not Sony Joanie shipped me a brick in the box They're like, we're gonna

Yeah, don't worry, we'll not pay them See, this is where I say All these solutions already exist This is why free speech is so-called absolutism. People don't understand what it means. Because it doesn't mean that you can just lie whenever you want with no repercussions. Because then it harms people. How does it harm anyone?

I'm harmed if I go on eBay and give $1,000 for a TV, and the description says, it's a great TV that does all these things, and then it shows up, and it's like a gerbil. And they go, well, you know, I just creatively described the gerbil. It's kind of like a, no! You can't just lie about shit. How is your business going to work if you're selling

gerbils as TVs? Keep making fake accounts and then run away with the thousand dollars. Why are you buying a thousand dollar TV from fucking Gerbil Man 57? You're going to go to a reputable store. That's how capitalism works. Not always. You go, oh, that's a nice TV. Where'd you buy that? Oh, I bought that at

We Don't Sell Gerbils on fucking TVs. I buy shit on eBay from Tom Jenkins fucking 99 every fucking time, okay? I don't look at who's selling it, because I know that eBay has rules, and the government has rules that you can't lie about what you're selling. You can't bold face to invent shit. Bold face. Why would somebody lie about what you're selling you can't bold face to invent

why would somebody lie about what they're selling what kind of a business model is that unless you're uh unless you're visor why would someone this is always the libertarian position is that like well no because then businesses that lie will be punished yes yeah at a future point in time after the harm has already been caused. Well, yeah. Newsflash. History has already happened. So right now we have 100 years of motherfuckers who've lied about everything. You can say, oh, wow, okay.

I guess Sony... So the government... I guess actually Sony does make a good TV. Vizio, I don't know about you. I'll check back with you in about 10 years. So even though the government knows... No, what do you know? Your first fucking three years of TV is with shit.

I'm selling poison baby formula They can't step in And say like You're selling formula that poisons babies Real fucking great Real fucking great business plan No I sold a bunch of it It only fucking works

Why would you do that Why do you assume that everybody's trying to just do business In a legitimate way to have future profits? There would just be flash-of-the-pan scams constantly. Take the money and run. Not everybody's trying to build a business. If you want to sell poison baby formula, you can do that once and the government cannot stop you. You can just go downtown and say, hey, everybody, free baby formula.

Here you go, dummies. That is 20 bucks. Here you fucking go. Oh, your babies are dead. Not my fucking problem. You can already do that. None of the stuff you're saying. You can't.

The government can step in and say, stop advertising your farm. It's poison. I hate you. I hate all of this. You know, I'm right You're not right You're not right That's the thing

Everybody's going No you should be able to do And say whatever you want With no repercussions When you know Speech has power It causes All sorts of different harms

Economic harm is like The most obvious one It hurts feelings too I know that's a big one I know you guys don't care about Harassment And that a big one. I know you guys don't care about harassment and that's fine. What do you mean you guys don't care about harassment? A lot of you guys go. What do you care about fucking harassment?

What are you doing to Eric July? You're fucking harassing him trying to fucking cost him money. I'm harassing him with the truth. If people, if everybody got on board with your fucking harassment campaign, you'd be eating it up. You'd be like, yeah, fuck you, Eric July. Lose money, you bitch. You black asshole. Lose all. I hope you lose your whole fucking... Don't lie. And it's fine.

You can harass whoever you want. You can imply though. Well, I guess you can imply. Did the same. Anyway. Alright. I'll play one that's shitty on me. Okay, that guy from the last episode is a fucking moron. Nobody calls it SysErp anymore.

It's been Lean for the last ten fucking years. Oh, Lean? That's what that is? Where's the fucking boomer cocksucker living where he thinks it's called SysErp? Or SysErp. They're both fucking wrong. It's called Lean. Jesus Christ.

Lean. I didn't even know what Lean was. I heard people talking about it. Is our show just the drug terminology show? Is everybody just coming to our show to learn how to get fucked up on? Nobody's learning how to get fucked up. Just go take regular drugs. Stop mixing iced tea and candy.

Hey, guys. Dick Vito. I'm calling the correct dick for once. Okay. I usually call it just fast Vito. All right. Thank you. Sexual pun intended or whatever.

Anyway, so point is, I'm a little disappointed in you, Dick. Fuck you! You're the guy that knows everything about drugs, or at least I thought so. I guess the difference between us and you West Coasters is you guys do the classy shit.

We know it all out here because we get whatever we can get our fucking hands on. I don't know about fucking gay dance club drugs. Anyway, so I'm here to settle the Cizurup debate. Oh, God. I'll give a little bit of dance club drugs. Anyway, I'm here to settle the Cis Europe debate. Oh, God.

I'll give a little bit of backup to Dick, but mainly, Dick, you're wrong. The difference is it's a dirt Sprite or what you would think is Cis Europe

or what Dick is talking about. Did you say cherry Sprite? Yes, you use typically just Sprite and like Dymatap or what used to be Dymatap.

They changed this shit. And what's in it that gets you fucked up, I think it's called dextromethorphan. DMT. Dextromethorphan. Yeah, DMT is fine too. It's a form of meth or something. Not a form of meth.

So that would get you fucked up. But... It's a form of ayahuasca, I think. Real syrup, right? Real syrup. It's promethazine-codine mixed with Sprite and whatever the fuck else. Can I show not tell people how to do drugs I feel like we're going to be in trouble

don't do this don't do this no one mixed spray with anything because we don't want to do syrup or scissor up you're kind of correct but I don't think it was ever known as Cis-Europe. The difference is back in the day, they said it was such a slang,

it kind of sounded like they were saying Europe at the end, but it's always been Cis-er. It really has. So that guy was kind of right, but he's a fucking asshole. I hate all of this discussion. I don't care about any of this at all. But I'm not surprised because it's a dirty, dirty fucking drug. The fact that you spent two minutes telling us how to pronounce dessert.

Let's stick. Don't do lean. All right? Lean. Why do they call it lean? Lean? Lean. Because you're like

tipsy. Because you're leaning when you take it. Codeine. Can't you just get drunk? Um, drunk's, alcohol's worse

than all this stuff. Honestly, alcohol is the worst drug that exists in the whole world. It's worse than all this stuff Honestly alcohol is the worst drug That exists In the whole world It's worse than DMT It's worse than codeine Yeah but it makes you It's like super addictive

It makes you fat Hangover You're not gonna hangover It makes you violent Aggressive Zerp Not as bad as Nothing is as bad as alcohol

Yeah Ranked overall Nothing causes more harm to you And harm to people around you Than alcohol And I just ordered another drink Sounds like it should be Biggest problem perhaps

I could I would never bring that in Okay go to Biggestproblem.show Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Vote of all the problems And of course

Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Where we will have Our new bonus episode The biggest problem In the universe Back to school edition Now we gotta do

Super chats Coming later this week I feel like we did Like way too long Of a show Yeah we kind of We kind of did We gotta cut it down

To an hour next week Really? Yeah Okay There you go Well it's gonna suck Cause we gotta record A bonus episode

Right after this We're gonna be going All night Okay Oh no There's gonna suck Because we've got to record A bonus episode Right after this We're gonna be going all night Okay Oh no There's gonna be lots Of no sound ones Well

Uh We'll We'll We'll We'll read them Here's our super chats And we appreciate everybody Who super chats to the show

Your money goes directly Towards funding Future biggest problem Diamond tab Gonna buy us some Sazerp And uh Don't be afraid

To get your super chats in now as we go through them. Spider and Turtle for two. No sound. You have slurs. Tony for two. Blah. Coach Cake for two. No sound.

Megan Mann for two. Muted. Rare State Cues for five. My biggest problem in the universe is no audio. Hey, it's Cleo for two. No sound. Coach Cake five. Someone swat them so the cops can tell them the audio is broke.

Okay. Matt White for 2 Sean would never let this happen Rye Dog for 10 Turn the volume down It's too loud Wow thanks Vara 10

Does this ever happen to you You go to an expert Expecting their help and expertise And they literally start Googling stuff in front of you Literally die My problem Is professional Googlers

That was a little Not about the sound Yeah Rich F for 5 Says this is a silent episode In honor of George Floyd. Everyone stop being racist. Three Floyds of silence.

Three whole Floyds of silence. Jesus Christ. Username 5227 for five. We deserve a free. Should I give it to him? Well, it's up to you. We deserve a free to be fair for this. I suck.

There you go. That one's for all of you who sat through the silence. Jarvo for five. Looking good, fellas. Well, we were the silence. Jarvo for five. Looking good, fellas. Well, we were looking good. Cheese1000 for five. Last week, there was a last-minute super chat asking you guys to read a couple donations

during the show. I think it's worth considering. I don't know. No. Yeah, Dick is very opposed. It's hard to keep... Because it interrupts the show. It's fucking annoying.

It interrupts the show because we have to keep an eye on the chat. I mean, obviously... I don't want to interrupt 10,000 people listening for $5. It's fucking annoying. It interrupts the show because we have to keep an eye on the chat. I mean, obviously. I don't want to interrupt 10,000 people listening for $5. Yeah. Fuck you. And if you have something that's part of the topic, we'll revisit the topic.

Yeah. We're happy to revisit it if you have something interesting to say. Most of what you guys say is inane, stupid bullshit that deserves no commentary. So maybe if the level of super chat suddenly rises. Right. In money. Yeah. Maybe I'd interrupt the show for $500.

You know what? Maybe we could set some sort of alarm where if a super chat is over a certain amount, then it's actually worth our time. Yeah, you'll know psychically. Yeah. My great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma is Jewish. Don't forget that. Mike Hunt for five. Remember when Tim Pool called in?

He never apologized or changed his stance, but everyone seems to think he did. It bugged me. Don't know why. Tim Pool called into what? Your show? My show. Because everyone was... Tim Pool took Maddox's side.

Yes. In the lawsuit. And I went on his subreddit. Why? Why did anyone take Maddox's side? Why do you take the Sandy Hook parents' side? Because I feel bad for their dead kids. Everyone felt bad for him.

They're like, well, Dick could have stolen my girlfriend, too. Like, I'm basically Maddox. He didn't steal his girlfriend. But to them, I mean, people are just very simple. And he wasn't suing you about stealing his girlfriend. Yes, he was. He was suing you because you made fun of him too much. And his aunt.

Like, people just Liked me more than him Yeah And that's what Everyone was like Well Dick would People would probably like Dick more than me too

So I hate him I can understand That people felt bad for him You know Because he fucked up his own life And it was all his own fault And because he was famous So they were like

Well I'm not going to go against him Because then Yeah there was some of that They wanted Maddox to be Maddox was like Michael Malice did that too That fucking fraud Uh

There was somebody else That was on his side That I remember being like Why Why Ryan Something Who wrote that dumb book

I'm lying Trust me There's a bunch of Dumb people Anyway Evan Like for two Puts a little sticker That says The sound of silence

I don't know What that's referencing Eddie Cowdery for five Biggest problem is of silence i don't know what that's referencing eddie cowdery for five biggest problem is boomers who don't check their audio before streaming that's a problem yeah john rooster five trump had nuclear weapons at mar-a-lago he was going to make january 6th look like a fucking joke that'd be awesome if trump knew trump had nukes yeah i gotta admit that'd be pretty ballsy mike Mike Hunt for five. When you wipe, do you do it standing or sitting? Balls to back with hand behind or back to balls with hand through legs? I do it on the floor.

I do a side rock. Oh, you do? I rock onto my right butt cheek and I wipe underneath the left butt cheek. Wow. Yeah. That's cool. Thank you. I roll my bath mat into a roll i take my bath mat and roll it up and then i put my heels behind my head and scoot my butt on the carpet

yeah well now that i have a bidet which everyone should vote up uh there's no wiping at all just blast it sandblast it uh mike where we? Snazzy Raz for two. Says we're missing so many jokes, guys. Don't worry. For all of you who missed the beginning of the show, we will re-upload the show with the missing audio. I'm going to eliminate this video and upload the new one tomorrow. So this one will disappear and there will be a new upload soon.

Evan, like for five, new study showed the vaccinated individuals are suffering hearing loss. So all of you could not hear the show. Wow. It's because you got the vax. Matt White for two

Dick Muterson and Vito just silenty. Okay. This is a great super chat. You guys are kind of encouraging us to like screw up the show more

with all the money you're giving us for it. Dominic for five you're a disappointment to us all. I hope you're happy. I'm not happy, but it has nothing to do with your appraisement of me. Luke for two says they're just trolling.

We can hear you just fine. Luke was lying. Thank you, Luke. Mike Hunt for five. One set to failure is all you need to get buff. 30 minutes a week. Look it up. Vegetable Spy.

Yeah, I mean, a failure for me is my arm blowing off of my bum. Yeah, I don't want your arm to rot away, so be careful with it. Vegetable Spy for five. I'm going to Vegas soon. How do I get drunk and stay drunk without getting an early hangover? Acid. Keep up the great work. Love the show.

Is that really your advice? Yeah. Much safer, much cheaper. Acid is so much safer than alcohol. Yeah. So much. That might be a good point. Cheaper.

One drop of acid, $2. Yeah. So much. That might be a good point. Cheaper. One drop of acid. Two dollars. I don't know. Last time I did acid in Vegas, it didn't go so well. What do you mean? Why? Because it was a big magic tournament, and I started, like, freaking out while playing magic cards, and then I...

You can't concentrate on anything. No, you can't. No, if you're doing acid, you're fucking... Wow! Let's go! It doesn't make you see shit But it'll make you think You have to do it With multiple people

I'm way too You're way too aware Of everybody If you're in a If you're in a location With a lot of people You're like I can see all of their faces

At once Yeah I know what all of them Are thinking Yeah And they're like Look at these fucking people Yeah

I was With Ralph Last time I was doing it Yeah We were walking around Fremont Street And I was like Look at these fucking people Yeah I was With Ralph Last time I was doing it Yeah We were walking around Fremont Street And I was like Look at these fucking idiots

Get away from me Hey you like magic The gathering Yeah Kind of I love it We should go to the Big magic gathering tournament

In Vegas The big When Magic 30th Anniversary celebration When I think it's in october okay yeah pencil pencil me into that yeah i'm trying to get some buddies to go to justin gomez for 10 the biggest problem the universe is not being able to read the lips

wow we really really worked it in on the super chat for six this is a scheme to make a super chat no audio it's where it worked out pick me for five great episodes so far love all of veto's points best episodes easily best quiet client mike hunt for five is a reference to the underwater bojack horse yes deep cuts i hate that episode you do the whole reason i like the show is the audio the dialogue because i put it on while i'm doing other shit and then the fifth episode comes up and i'm like i can't listen to it yeah it's like okay so what's next so what can you do uh to make a great episode bojack horseman did start getting really like too creative like every episode needed a gimmick at a certain point yeah like in this episode what if he was you know a

zebra in somebody's dream and i'm like what the fuck? Can you just make an actual episode? People who do pussy drugs wrote that shit. I think a lot of women joined the writer's room at a certain point. Women are. That show got very womanly. Yeah, the ending where the workaholic, like a 40-year-old, meets a young dude under her employ. Yeah.

That was gross. And she gets fat but she's still beautiful. That was grosser than Harvey Weinstein. I'm surprised you don't complain about that because we did a whole podcast

about Jake Horace and that Diane becomes fat but it's like but I love myself and my body and dates a black guy. That was so fucked up. It was like some weird

wish fulfillment from every woman in Hollywood. I wish a beautiful black man And my body And dates a black guy That was so fucked up It was like some weird Wish fulfillment From every woman in Hollywood I wish a beautiful black man Would uh Love my fat I just women I just tune out their bullshit Like that

Like alright whatever Like you gotta get They gotta really fuck up For me Mike Hunt for five Grab a pen and paper Look up J. Vincent one Set to failure

The safest bodybuilding routine You too Vito Well maybe I will Megan Mann for five Will Vito be at Ralphamaniaania veto slash dick tag team as the niggler and kitty cat coomer oh yeah are you going to ralphamania is it in alabama no i think it's in philadelphia philadelphia is it do i know i don't know it's gonna be like Wrestling or boxing? Wrestling Boxing is gay

That's what I said I said that Wrestling is cool Yeah I know Boxing is like I literally proposed this On the show I said

Screw all this like Celebrity influencer boxing It should be wrestling It's way cooler Yeah Yeah Influencer boxing is like I'd rather see like

How many guys They could jack off Would probably be More interesting Yeah Right like Let's line up the fans And okay we're gonna see Can Ralph get Sam Boxing is like, I'd rather see how many guys they could jack off. Would probably be more interesting, yeah. Right? Like, let's line up the fans, and okay, we're going to see. Can Ralph get Sam? He probably can't get Sam Hyde.

No. Well, Ralph's doing it with a wrestling promoter. So an actual wrestling promoter is putting this on? Yeah. I do want to see Sam Hyde box. Yeah. Because that guy's a monster. Yeah, because he's a monster.

I want to see him do everything. And he's funny, and he boxes funn box. Yeah. But. Cause that guy's a monster. Yeah. Cause he's a monster. I want to see him do everything. And he's funny. And he boxes funnily. Yeah. But the rest is like, oh man. Sam Hyde's great.

Well, I don't know. Maybe I'll go. I hate the bro shit. That's the worst part of, of celebrity boxing. Yeah. Is how badly they want to 69 each other. After the fight.

Like they want to hug it out after. Like this, we stepped into the ring you're both worthless slobs this is a spectacle and you're congratulating each other for like the bare minimum under competent is boogie still trying to box somebody boogie is a liar. That's not what I asked. No doctor would ever sign off on him. He can't even walk to the fridge. Yeah. I bet.

His ankles are probably thicker than his waist. That fat, worthless retard will never box anybody. He probably can't even box his own dick. He's so fat. All right. Well, I hope he has a heart attack. Wish you the best of luck,

Boogie, in your boxing endeavors. I don't know if I'll be at Ralph-a-mania. I could definitely get convinced to go. Alex Stein's going to be there. That's cool. He's wrestling a woman. That'd be fun.

Hmm. The problem is if I go, one of Ralph's fans is going to try and shank me. Oh, you're so worried about being shanked. Wear some chain mail. I'll wear chain mail.

Rare steak. Why do you think Ralph's fans are going to shank you? Because they fucking hate me. Because you're always talking about pedophile stuff. Yeah. Stop talking about it.

I can't. It's fascinating. No, it's not that fascinating. It's pretty fascinating that literally the entire public discourse now and all of politics is based on who is or is not a pedophile in the brains of the common man yeah that half the country believes joe biden is a pedophile and the other half believes donald trump is a pedophile because they're all pedophiles i know all the

people talking about pedophiles that's. Because that's all they think about. That's all that modern society has become. No, it's just like. It's just like, that guy's a pedophile. That guy's a pedophile. 6% of people are pedophiles. And those 6% of people are always talking about other, who else is a pedophile. Right.

And if I talk about it, I'm a pedophile. So you don't. So like the rules. Yeah. So the rule is. So don't. Don't talk about it. But if you do, just make sure you're accusing someone of being a pedophile. No,'t like the rules yeah so the rule is so don't talk about it but if you do

just make sure you're accusing someone of being a pedophile no then you're still ever come out most people most people 94 percent of people if they see somebody going around going you're a pedophile you're a pedophile you're a pedophile they'll go that guy's a fucking that guy's obviously a pedophile right and everyone's like yeah yeah yeah big time a guy uh no no but i'm actually bringing down but i was like yeah you're fucking pedophile dude that's fascinating rare state cubes for two says this is uh worse than 9-11 and hitler i agree hit hawaiian hidden the one tiller hit a one tiller snazzy res for 20 says i fixed it guys i paid the live audio thank you cost 20 bucks thank you snazzy license yeah thank you port license plates for five.

We are the Chad the Cried Wolf too many times. Yeah, you fucked it up. You guys fucked it up. Mike Hunt for five. I don't know what Vino's doing. Thank you for the guys that tried to call me. Thank you for the guys that alerted Ralph and Sean. Yeah.

Sean texted like two minutes ago saying that the audio's off. Saying you're streaming. Like, okay. You need an emergency hotline phone that like There's some Riley I would believe but Riley didn't call so now I needed a backup You need like a red phone that only one guy can hold on I'm gonna find who it is I'm gonna find who Fox Foley and Jake I trust you Okay, okay. I trust you guys. I'm gonna add you as my friends And from now on maybe I'll You're gonna be Gunt Guardians I'll leave my ringer on

I'm the Praetorian Gunt Guard You can join with me I had some guy sending me a bunch of Discord messages I'm marking Jake as my number one BFF Good Oh I gotta subscribe for that Somebody on Discord was like

I really wanna run security at Ralph-a-mania And I'm like well Talk to her What the fuck am I gonna do And he's like well don't kid you Talk to Ralph I'm like no Fox Foley Fox Foley What the fuck am I going to do? And he's like, well, don't kid. You talk to Ralph. I'm like, no. Fox Foley.

Fox Foley's a good guy. I see him all the time. Okay. Usually talking shit about me, I'm pretty sure. But that's fine. Mike Hunt for five says, I don't know what Vito Stinger I like the most. I'll have to hear them all back to back, please. We're not doing that.

No, no. You gotta vote it up. That's a classic. Vote up all the problems now and never classic okay that's a good one. Vote it up. I kind of like this one. You've got to vote at biggestproblem.show. Okay. Take a look across our nation at problems like disinformation, fake news, and inflation. And you've got to vote it up. I should have played them all.

Those are all pretty good. No, the show's already running long. John Riffster, too, says the Niggler has won again. Jeff M. says that is a terrible stinger. Please go back on mute. Fuck you, Jeff. Ravencar for five. Sound issue wouldn't happen if you had an audio engineer,

or at least you could blame him if you did. That's true. The blame is what's important. Dominic for five. Sound issue wouldn't happen if you had an audio engineer, or at least you could blame him if you did. That's true. The blame is what's important. Dominic for five. Repeat problem and vote it down. Vote down Vito's problems now and never stop. Okay. Yoshi guy for 35.

Vito, you are a big chumger. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Whatever the fuck. You know it's funny when they have to put ha ha ha. I mean, it was funny. It did. It's all in caps.

Ride Dog for five. Look out for the nickel-er, Vito. Okay. All right. Toothless Ninja for five says, Vito, no audio Vito. Coming in with the hot soundboard clips. Cat rape Vito. Only the cat rape one?

Oh, God. Mr. Absruce for ten. I would like to make an announcement. The most beautiful woman in the community, Headhazed and I, are getting married! Wow. Proving I am not gay once and for all, if that's true. Congratulations, Mr. Abstruse. Headhazed made the picture of you with the cat.

Oh, well, fuck you, you piece of shit. Well, I hope you guys Celebrate your vows Maybe at a biggest Problem live event We could celebrate Your love That would be wonderful It's fake

Fake posed obviously Probably Evan like for five After tights fiasco I want you to promise me this One No more muted episodes Two

I'm not a joke I'm not a joke Two Something fair Righty tighty for five love the show so much guys great chemistry veto is the elusive bearable and slightly lovable lib we occasionally need around to whip on ralph one yeah i do i am the punching bag although i think i'm slowly gaining you know my own little well you vote for it you vote for like horrible stuff no i don't

biden is the worst there's a lot of all politicians are bad in different ways trump trump was bad no what's one bad thing that trump did besides covid lockdowns i'm not like we're not going besides the vaccine the show at some point if we do a whole fucking Trump thing, it's going to go on forever. All right, all right, all right. Riku3220 for 10. People who get arrested and suddenly start having health issues is called incarceritis. It could be a minor anxiety attack or them just straight up lying. Well, why take the chance?

Yeah. Tobyfair, which does not count, for two. It says, I'm getting serious Latinx juju vibes this show for ho god seven for five people who think like goldman are children this is the real world you can't expect any government official to be decent to anyone they arrest or investigate you almost got me alex win for 10 password managers are dumb create a string of eight characters that meet most password criteria and just remember it for example i know this is this is a trick 4d1 at 3c2b oh you almost got you wasted 10 bucks fairly easy thank you alex nice try coach cake for 10 great show despite

the audio bugs Long time listener This is one of the few shows That manages to be fairly consistent With absolute comedy gold We are always funny And that's what's important We don't

We never have like a Shitty show No Unless Mr. Kuro Is the guest But that was a whole different thing I thought that was great I thought it was fun too

Because you guys Are in like a real fight And you're You're both so passive aggressive Every show is great Obligatory Road rage Phoenix shill Go fuck yourself

Yeah My con for two Vito weren't you harmed By the grape list lie Oh It says dick Dick Weren't you harmed

Yeah what did I say You said Vito Weren't you harmed Well regardless Weren't you harmed By the so called lies Of a grape list Yeah

And don't you deserve The right to seekcalled lies of a grape list? Yeah. And don't you deserve the right to seek legal redress should you so supposed to? I mean, I have never felt that. I don't think so. You were caused

actual economic harm. I think you should have countersued a certain Armenian guy. What's the point? For deliberately stretching the shirt. I would have lost

like Vic. That's the problem. I would have lost I would have lost like Vic That's the problem I would have lost Well it's not like your problem is that It's hard to win a defamation lawsuit Not that they exist No My problem is

Since they're so hard to win What is the point of them? Like it's like Okay They're a public deterrent To prevent other people From hopefully doing the same I don't believe that

Worried about No I think it does No Here's my It keeps the news semi-honest They're a public deterrent to prevent other people from hopefully doing the same. I don't believe that. Because then they're worried about... No, I think it does... No, here's my... It keeps the news semi-honest. It doesn't keep them 100% honest, but they're just publishing... They're not honest at all. The news is not honest. A little bit.

No, all the news does is covers white people getting shot. The news doesn't cover... The news covers what generates ad revenue. That's it. It's not an honest depiction of America. It's not news. not like the news doesn't cover the news covers what generates ad revenue if there was no honest if there was an honest depiction of america it's not news if there was no libel or slander laws every news article every day would be like trump nukes mexico because there would be no repercussions to just making shit up like that the repercussions are negative tons of clicks and no it wouldn't no it wouldn't people don't people just can't believe lies for that long

i love it no yeah i was harmed but i've never thought like oh i should sue him i wish i could sue the problem is he has no money for you to take but if that was like a super rich if he was a super rich guy then i would have definitely lost this is my problem with it is that not if you had a good lawyer with a famous guy, they have a better lawyer. Maybe. The defamation law existing means people go to you, well, you gotta sue them.

You gotta sue them. Like, well, that costs $100,000. I mean, yeah, I had that same thing when the Associated Press lied about me and I was like, it would just be too hard to win so we can't really do anything. But why would everyone, so then they're like oh okay well then you know everyone's going to think it's true. But everyone should, I'm saying everyone

should look at everything they see and say probably a lie. That's probably a lie. Because the only things that really matter are things you see with your own eyes. Nothing else matters. Like oh I saw that happen and I'm telling the people around me that I saw it happen. That's it.

Nothing else really matters. All this shit about Ukraine or Iraq, it might as well be a fucking video game. That shit doesn't matter. Lie about it as much as you want. As long as everyone's like, well, that's probably a lie. Yeah. But people don't do that That's the problem They don't say it's a lie?

People believe That I'm a pedophile Because I said the movie Cuties Didn't offend me to my core Not people A movie I haven't even seen I just said the premise doesn't offend me It's people that you pay attention to

Think that Not real people Don't give a fuck About the people Who don people that you pay attention to think that not real people don't give a fuck about the people who don't like you on the internet I know most people don't care my conscious people actively think those people are weird yes that is stupid

it's not a certain website it's just people in general who are oh wow yeah well Betbito is like oh yeah um yeah uh if you say that again I'm just gonna stop yeah Well Betbito's like Oh yeah Yeah If you say that again I'm just gonna stop talking to you Cause that's like weird Yeah

Obviously People are always weird When I like block them On social media And they're like Why'd you block me And I'm like Cause you're a fucking idiot

Cause you like to tweet Calling me a pedophile Like I don't wanna be Your friend anymore Anyway We go down a little bit more Keep going Keep going There we go down a little bit more. Keep going. Keep going.

There we go. Mike Hunt for two, lying and implying. Yeah. That is what it is. Peter Wessowskowitz for five gives us a picture of a little yellow man kissing a bird. Thank you. Bortleis Switz for five. Drinking alcohol is only a problem unless you know How to do it Like an effing champion

Like Dick Masterson No He also I tried to clean up His I think he's drunk The way he typed all that Jim Satala for two

Vito you have a smear On your glasses Is it coom I think I've just been Fogging It's very hot So it's hot in here So it's been steaming up

My glasses I've had to keep Wiping them down Let's see. Kara Froman for five. Great show, guys. I'll never know what happened in the first 20 minutes. We're going to re-upload it.

We'll re-upload it. You'll find out. Krabzula for five. You guys complain about passwords. Why not use Bitwarden? Well, because Google does the same thing. It creates and remembers passwords for you. I'll try it.

Bitwarden, I'll try it. Chrome has that built in, or Google does. Evan Like for two. I hope you guys didn't mute the record track, too. Record. Record track. No, we got in or Google does. Seven likes for two. I hope you guys didn't mute the record track two. Record. Record track. Now we got it. Fadix the great for two.

Why'd you change the bonus episode theme from sex? Well, we might still do sex at some point. Remember you wanted to do biggest problems in sex

at one point? Sure, we could. Yeah, we'll just save it for another month. That sounds like a February problem. Yeah, this is a, everyone's going back to school. We try to theme it

appropriate to the month. Yeah. Dwab Winkle for five. You should make a playlist and add your new stingers to it each show. Also, read Dog N Word.

I started reading it. I was not that impressed, but maybe people like it. Dwab Winkle for five. Please bring back Mr. Girl. Be sure to stiff him for something else first, though. Yeah, we ended up arguing about like $50

I owed him from like three years ago Yeah that was great That he had never brought up in the prior three years Of like hey you owe me 50 bucks Yeah Saves it for a podcast appearance Like I wasn't gonna pay him And then I happened to make a reference to his racial heritage

And he thought that was uh You guys are just the worst pair To do a show like this I think that was the second time I've tried make a reference to his racial heritage and he thought that was You guys are just the worst pair to do a show like this. I think that's the second time I've tried doing a podcast with him and I think I'm going to stop trying to make it What's weird is we have great phone conversations. I will talk to that guy for like an hour. Who's different when you're

doing a podcast then? I think he's different. Oh he's different Cause normally we'll be like joking around and very amicable but then he gets on the podcast he's like super serious guy he's pretty serious yeah and i'm like what happened like normally we like joke around we say i think i think he puts on his broadcaster uh jacket and he starts taking it way too seriously the serious guy calculated well he's doing good in the world, though. He's trying to, like, increase dialogue.

You're just hating on. I'm just hating on black professionals trying to get shit done. All right. You're doing a bonus episode. Don't forget, we want to thank our top supporters again. I forgot to change the list. I will update the list. I know it says last month on there.

But, again, we love all you people For supporting the show And my comic book is coming along swimmingly We're almost at a thousand sign ups On the mailing list Go to superkiller.org and sign up Help me get to a thousand names If I can sell a thousand copies of that comic

I'll be happy Eric sold 30,000 copies Wow I'm okay with a thousand that would be three million bucks how much is each copy well that's the thing is that somehow he's managed to get his average uh purchase over like a hundred bucks so conservatives just love throwing money at this anti-woke shit where they're like i I need a t-shirt. I need a hat. I want three copies for me and my kids.

I mean, look, I can't, I can't knock, you know, he found, he found the audience. If you love Jesus Christ, subscribe to our bonus episode. Jesus Christ would love you to do that. Can we get a black conservative on this show, Dick? Oh, I'm black. Jesus Christ and me would love you to subscribe to patreon Can we get a black conservative on this show, Dick? Oh, I'm black. Jesus Christ in me would love you to subscribe to patreon.com slash biggest problem. If you would just play up the Mexican thing

more. Nah, Mexicans aren't, um... Not as beloved. Huh. It's complicated. Can we get a black guy, Dick? Because then the show would just blow the fuck up. We're late enough. If we had, like, Cletus Johansson and he goes, I just think... Whoa! His name could be anything. Tom Johnson, whatever.

And he goes, I pity the fool who don't vote for that Trump. You know? Yeah. Talking a tough voice. All right, goodbye. Wear colorful jewelry. What else? Give me five things that a conservative black guy does.

Sing fun songs about the fields. No. Definitely wouldn't be conservative Jumping really high Grab a basketball out of the air You know What? These are terrible

That's what people like I said a conservative They don't like that They want all that Plus he voted for Trump Yeah And also Catchphrases

You know Doesn't like gay people probably Oh god Well that's what Eric's whole thing is know Doesn't like gay people Probably Oh god Well that's what Eric's whole thing is He doesn't like gay people Yeah he's not He loves them

He's not too happy about them He's not too happy about them He thinks they're trying To make your kids gay Don't Don't You were gonna say Well

Just cut the show Just cut the show Just cut it Alright goodbye We're already in trouble We're doing school next Yeah we gotta go record that Oh I need a