The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 54

Episode Date: August 26, 2022

Yeah, cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

All right. Recording. Going. Go. Go. Yes. Recording. Yes.

Streaming. Yes. Living the dream. Living the dream. Just make sure that- Bones and hoes. Just make sure the audio's working. No.

You ha- All right. We addressed- It was a process problem. We addressed the process, and now there's no longer a problem There is no problem See go live Going live

Going live Wow do we already have 138 people watch Yes Oh my god It's not enough We deserve double this Oh my god

We deserve triple this amount I'm so excited Well uh This is gonna be an exciting show. We might be joined from some people from Eric July's Repiverse community. You mean bots that he paid to give good reviews to his comic?

I'm not accusing of that. Oh, man, look at you. You have the smirk of a man who's total devastation, I heard. I was driving home for this show, and I got a text that just said, total devastation. Wait, who said that? A guy I know. He said, total devastation. I heard. I was driving home for the show, and I got a text that just said, total devastation. Wait, who said that? A guy I know.

He said, total devastation. Vito totally destroyed Eric Ripa. Well, I did. And his scam-a-verse. That's what he called it, a scam-a-verse. Oh, my God. He called it a scam. He's like, remember when they did the Christian things where they sold fake artifacts?

Like, Jesus pissed on this rock. Here, you want this rock? It's 900 denares. Yeah. He said Vito exposed Eric July for the scammer that he is. I believe the Repiverse are wide open. Before this show started, I made a- You Rip-Butted a new asshole!

I called in to Eric July's stream. He's just hit 500,000 subscribers, which I congratulated him on. And he doesn't even deserve one. Well- That's what you were saying. Some have said that. Yeah. I may have implied that- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he's misleading his saying. Some have said that. Yeah. I may have implied that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he's misleading his audience with this anti-woke brigade. With all this God shit. God is not. God's a superstition. He does not real. You're wasting the one chance you have at life by believing in God and putting your faith in him.

He's fucking lying to you. Like that. I tried to be very fair with Eric. I told him my concerns that I think he's selling his product based on this, you know, inverse woke marketing rather than the strength of the product itself. He's like the Waluigi of Wario. Yeah. Like the woke selling your razor blades.

Like you don't have, you don't, you don't want your son to have a dick, right? Buy Gillette razor. Right. He's like the Waluigi of that. He's not the Mario of that. No, he's the Waluigi. He's an the Waluigi of that He's not the Mario of that No He's the Waluigi He's an additional bad guy I said if you really care about this parallel economy

Where you say indie creators Are going to be able to supplant the mainstream Then you can't just elevate your stupid conservative buddies And their dumb fuck books about guys You have to promote guys like you Well Not me Not me specifically

I can't ask him to promote me Okay But you can imply it Well I put forth I said to him Look if you are supposedly The great savior of comics As everyone is

Anointing you Yeah Then are you not in a position To maybe go to Indiegogo Or Kickstarter And go Here's some projects That look kind of interesting

That have cool art That have cool stories Yeah Are you going to do that And I kind of put that to him And he kind of interesting, that have cool art, that have cool stories. Yeah. Are you going to do that? And I kind of put that to him. And he kind of was like, I don't know, that sounds kind of gay. And I was like, well, that's the position you want to be in. If you care about creating this independent, here you are, whatever commentary.

Up in the air, hard as a rock, going, fuck me, daddy, and I thought you were gay. He's in a position. Joke's on me, right? That's what, you got me, Eric. If you really care about creating this parallel creator economy, it can't just be you, you know, elevating your dumb

fuck buddies and making these stupid culture war books. Which buddy are you referring to? Well, his colorist is this guy, Gabe L. Taib. Have you heard of this guy? I mean, I would kill myself if I had heard of a colorist of a comic book. Here's the problem with these guys. They go, we got to take all the politics out of comic books, right?

So this guy famously was working at DC Comics, and he quit because they made, they took away Superman's slogan, truth, justice, and the American way. Truth, justice, and like partying all the time. Yeah, well, they were like, well, Superman's not really like an American hero, like Captain America. It doesn't really make sense for him to say stuff like that. Okay. Okay. Anyway, well, they were like, well, Superman's not really like an American hero like Captain America. It doesn't really make sense for him to say stuff like that. Okay.

Okay. Anyway, this guy lost his shit. He said, you hate America, DC Comics. I'm going to go make my own comic. What is there to like about America? Well, that's the question.

It's not a great... What is the American way at this point? The Federal Reserve? Name me one good thing about America. Well, I'll tell you that... Bat women?

No, that's not the good part Well We do make some okay pornography Not the best but Not as good as the Japanese Thank you Alright there you go If you beat off to real women in this day and age You are a simp

Well let me just say These guys who say we're going to take the politics out of comic books Immediately go and make a comic called Truth, Justice, and American Way About three heroes one of which is named truth one of which is named justice and one of which is named american way like a street uh i guess and they're fighting a boulevard store people's faith in america and like fighting antifa and whatever i'm like you say you don't want like political woke comic books but you're just doing the inverse of that. You're making it political in a worse way.

I told Eric. In a more cringe way. Yeah, I was like, Eric, like, I know you want to promote your buddy, but, like, are you going to do anything for, like, comics in general? Eric, your comics are for people who like celebrating Mother's Day. Yeah. Right? Yeah. That's who it's.

It shouldn't be like, my name's America. You don't need to fight with Eric on Monday. I don't want you to get drawn into this. I hate Eric July. No, no. I'm sure you guys would find a lot that you like with your ANCAP libertarian ways. I can't believe you called into his show. Oh, yeah.

We had like a 30-minute... I think it was a productive 30-minute conversation. And the second I leave, he goes, that fat loser is jealous of my success. And I'm like, why did you bring that up on the show? Who else called in? I don't know. That was just him after I left. Oh, he's talking about you?

He starts talking shit. I'm like, bro, we could have done that on the show. I would have went back to you. Tell him to call in right now. He should call in. Well, Eric Jai is currently streaming, so let him know. Tell him to call in right now. He should call in. Eric J is currently streaming, so let him know. If he wants to call in to Biggest Problem, we will get him on here.

Okay. Should we do the theme song now? I can't believe he waited until I was off to start calling me a piece of shit. I'm like, if you wanted to go at it, I was being very accommodating. Yeah, go. Let's do it. I'm really proud of you. Thank you. I don't know how to express that. Well, you gotta listen to it. You might listen to it and go, I don't know if I did a good how to express that Well you gotta listen to it You might listen to it and go

I don't know if I did a good job I don't need to listen to it I mean you talk to him It's pretty ballsy Most people just like sit And see No I'll talk to anybody It's funny

Alright here you go Talk to Talk to Oh that's loud Yeah you gotta turn that down The biggest problem in the universe. The universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe.

From dead name drama to women shouting trauma. The journey is always beautiful. The'm your host, Nick Madison. Joining us always, Vito Gisualdi, the great conqueror. The conqueror. The great, the great, uh. The savior of comics. The real savior of comics. There's a false prophet out there, folks.

And, uh, I hate to say it. I've got, I've got some ideas for how to elevate the indie community. Yeah. I want to see if I can put them into practice. Like getting your comic paid for. Getting my comic paid for, but I want everybody's comic to get paid for. Yours first, though. Do you have an order?

Mine first, and mine always more than anybody else's. If anybody makes more money than me, they're out of the movement. But other than that, I want to elevate everyone. You're gatekeeping the right wing now. Is that what you're doing? I am the gatekeeper. I am the key master. I am the key master. I am all of the things.

I can't believe he talked. Did you plug your comic too? A bunch of times. He was really mad about that. Oh, good, good, good, good, good. His chat was like, he's just here to promote. I'm like, of course I'm fucking here. We're all here to promote.

Come on. Come on. Okay. All right. I'm afraid that Woman-splaining won Oh a woman problem A woman problem I can't believe it

Well you had access To the same world that I did And you didn't bring it in So And it was a comic thing So you'd have been a shoo-in I just I don't know

I guess I just gave you that one Well thanks You're welcome Then it was Dead Name Drama It was after that Still selling. Dead naming.

That should have been higher. The next one should have been higher. I don't know what happened there. Fat whiz? Fat whiz. Probably people thought it was something with being fat. It was like a pro-fat problem. They're like, we hate fat people.

There's like a billion Islams. They can't all be wrong. Right? That was probably bad. I want that t-shirt. I want that T-shirt. I want that T-shirt. I don't know. I don't know, Salman Rushdie.

There's a whole bunch of Islams. Probably one of them's right. They can't all be wrong. Well, at least I didn't have a negative problem this week. That went, of course, to sobering up before you pass out. Okay. I guess everyone else is better at drinking than you, Dick. I guess everyone else is better at drinking than you, Dick. I guess so.

I ripped that problem off from Keckspond, so I guess that's really Keckspond's loss. Well, some people, I did see some people lamenting that that problem was negative. I don't know if you saw that comment. No, I didn't. There was somebody going, I can't believe that is one of the greatest problems of all our age. And I didn't bring it in because it, you know, supports you. Now I know how you feel.

Bringing in problems that you think are good and then losing. Yeah. Constantly. Yeah. Do you think you stumped Eric July at all? On the stream? I got him to admit because he keeps going on this thing where he goes I'm not... I like how you're framing it already.

Yeah. Got him to admit. He goes, he keeps going, well, I've never advertised it as anti-woke, right? Okay. I go, okay, but there's like multiple news articles. You said you're like reinventing comics. What do you mean? What were you saying when you said, what are you reinventing exactly? You make a new kind of ink?

Yeah. There's multiple like news articles that say like anti-woke comic like destroys the left. Yeah. And I'm like like you retweet those constantly and he's like yeah yeah and i go so is your comic anti-woke or is that like incorrect right and he goes well it's not really anti-woke or whatever and i'm like okay but you just benefit financially from the implication that it is and then he was kind of like well that's just capitalism baby i'm like right but you can see how i find it odious that you know that it is. And then he was kind of like, well, that's just capitalism, baby. I'm like, right, but you can see how I find it odious

that you know that this is a narrative that's being created and you feed into it for money. Which, yeah, I might do the same thing in your position, but I also wouldn't be in that position. Yeah, Pfizer does that as well. I wouldn't be in that position. It's just capitalism, baby. I mean, you know, if the government's going to excuse us from lawsuits and we pump everyone full of heart attacks,

what is that, our problem? If they say my shitty, you know, superhero comic book is going to destroy the left forever. What can I do? But helplessly retweeted. I'm like, well, I find it stupid. It's only three million bucks, though. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing.

It's not like a big. I mean, if he keeps it up. That's what I tried to also say is I was like, listen, you have to understand my skepticism having seen so many comic guys come and go Who promise the world and immediately fall on their face Like Image, like Todd McFarlane And that you're friends with all these YouTube commentators Who are supposed to Supposedly be skeptics

Who have a critical eye for different projects But the second their buddy comes along they go Oh he's the new Stan Lee and everything he makes is like gold He's the black Stan Lee Yeah and I go well you're not really doing your job as a critic Like even my buddies if they came to me with a project, I might promote it, but I'm not gonna say this is the greatest guy who ever fucking, I don't know, I guess maybe I'd

give him the same level of nepotism, but the amount of nepotism going into like, oh my god, he's gonna destroy Marvel and DC, well, I'm like, you understand why we're skeptical that you benefit from your little friends group and they're singing your praises. Everything I hear about it sounds cool. Well, it's great Christian

Superhero I should have asked him And he has the cross In his genitals Where his pubes are That's cool Well I was unprepared Because I would have asked

What's with the cross Over the dick I gotta know I assume he's like A Christian Again Eric is supposedly a Why not in the chest

Christian Yeah you think That would be a place to put Why is it drawn to his dick? Like a shoulder pad Or a helmet Give him a tattoo of a cross right over the dick I also want to know

Will we ever see a gay character in the Ripiverse? Or is that just irredeemably woke? You could never have anyone gay Oh, they can't even talk about Well, probably the bad guys are okay yeah probably The last trial there probably is It's probably gonna be a bunch of leftist Groomers that Eric July has to

Yeah a self-insert character Esau has to beat up rectum Luther yeah well Yeah that's what those guys are that I Don't know I don't know what's gonna happen I think He's gonna put out a boring comic book and a lot of people Are gonna pretend it's God's gift to creation yeah that's what i expect uh comic books uh suck though a lot of comic books suck okay japanese comic books are really good okay which

is why my comic book will be good because it is largely based on the japanese manga all right i oh did i read no i didn you have any comments here for us? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alexander Chipple says, yeah, I love how She-Hulk is explaining all of, like, the suffering that goes on in your life to a man who watched his father beat his mother to death in front of him. Everyone is really into, like, this story of the Hulk. And that that how. A lot of people are repeating that. Yeah, but it was a really terrible line in the show.

Yeah. Where she goes, because I'm a woman, I infinitely control my anger more than a man. You're like, no, no, no. Women don't control their anger more than men. Ever. If anything, they're worse at it. Yeah. The Drunken Atheist Studio says, I was just threatened by Facebook for sharing a meme

about the IRS yesterday. They don't want people suggesting that what they're doing is bad. Wow. You can't talk shit about the IRS now online. I've seen a lot more meme cracking down on Facebook. Mamma mia. A lot of those blurred photos. This may be misleading.

Yeah. Ian Bowden says, Dick is just the comedian from Watchmen. He's a, I don't know what about him. That you want to watch the world burn and you think it's funny. Well, I don't want what about them That you want to watch the world burn And you think it's funny Well I don't want to watch it I think you do I would want it to just go away

I think if like we went outside And all of LA was on fire you'd go Oh man Who did this? Who put this show on? Come on If children were screaming and crying You'd go ah it's all part of the show They always do that This is like who did this fucking hilarious? Who put this show on? Come on! If children were screaming and crying, you'd go, ah, it's all part of the show.

They always do that. Yeah, it's true. That's all they're good at. The Saucy Slurp says, God, I love the voted up stingers. Andrew Demarkish says, how the heck is sobering up before you pass out not even positive right now? There it is. That is a top five problem easy. Clearly this audience isn't drinking enough. That's the fucking problem is not drinking enough.

Well, you should have run in that problem instead. Okay, and then the last one. Dick's comment about oh, Weeblord. Oh, fuck a Ralph comment. Dick's comment about Ralph monetizing his hate

is so nutty the guy is lucky to pull in 500 viewers. It's better than we're doing. Every night. Yeah, every night. Every night he gets 500 viewers. Morning and night. Yeah, on an alternative platform.

DarkSide Phil. Oh yeah, if he was on YouTube, he'd have like a bunch. Ralph would be Tim Poole if he was on YouTube still. Yeah, he's saying DarkSide Phil makes more than Ralph. Whatever. Yeah. If he was on YouTube still. Yeah, he's saying Dark Side Phil makes more than Ralph. Whatever. Yeah, but you're talking about him.

Okay, anyway. You got stuff? Well, I, of course, have my exciting favorite new segment, Voted Up, Dick. I know. I messed up, though. Well, of course you did. Hold on. I think it's this one.

Biggestproblem.show. That's the website where you've got to go and vote. You've got to vote. If you don't vote, then there will be no show. So go and vote it up. Don't be such a stupid fucking cock. Just vote it up. Vote it up.

Vote it up. Vote it up Vote it up Vote it up If you don't vote Oh, fuck your cat Vote it up, folks What was that, rear in the background? Yeah, that was the cat Okay

If you don't vote it up, V. What was that, rear in the background? Yeah, that was the cat. Okay. If you don't vote it up, Vito will fuck your cat. Well, Vladimir Putin, of course, is in the news. A famous problem from the show. Russian President Vladimir Putin. Oh, you brought Putin in, right? I brought Putin in. He hasn't done anything. Well, he's doing some right now.

What has he done? On Thursday, Putin ordered the Russian military to increase the number of troops by 137,000 to a total of 1.15 million troops currently occupying Ukraine. Those poor Ukrainians. Military analysts say if the campaign in Ukraine drags on, those numbers could be clearly insufficient to sustain the operations where Ukraine has declared a goal of forming a one million strong military. Motherfucker.

Your president brought in 100 hundred thousand IRS guys. And you're worried about a guy on the other end of the world. The military just comes in and lives in your house. Vote it up. The military comes in, lives in your house, and they're not allowed to do that. You could feed them and they'll fuck off. The IRS comes and takes all of your shit. Keeps causing trouble for our good boys in Ukraine.

Our good boys. And we got to vote it up. Biggestproblem.show. We'll do the short one. Vote it up. Vote it up. Vote it up. I'm pretty sure this isn't the right key up this side.

Vote it up. You don't vote I'll fuck your cat And of course presidential gas scraper Is another beloved problem Which is not at the bottom Which you are so fucking wrong about Day one

Biden cancels the Keystone Pipeline. Futures go fucking skyrocket. Go parabolic. And some other misinformation is that the president, of course, only makes the price go up. That incompetent Biden. Well, as we've seen, gas prices have dropped 70 days in a row to the second longest streak since 2005. to the second longest streak since 2005. The national average for regular gas dipped on Tuesday to $3.89 a gallon,

down from $4.38 a month ago. So you're happy with the gas price right now? Is that what you're saying? Although prices are 73 cents higher than a year ago, this recent drop is significant, Dick. Well, why are you bringing it in then? Because you're trying to say that Biden did this. It's significant. But why are you bringing it in?

You're bringing it in. You're framing like biden was responsible for the drop but you're saying he's not it seems like you're kind of cashing i'm saying that it goes a number of different ways but here's three are you even bringing up some reasons that aren't associated with biden one reason the price of gas went down is that five dollars proved to be a breaking point for many drivers with some choosing to drive less. That loss of demand helped balance the market. Nothing to do with the president. At the same time, U.S. recession fears and worries about China's economy

drove oil prices sharply lower, taking gas prices along for the ride. And then, in your favor... Vote it out favor Vote it out Vote it out Vote it out Vote it out I nailed this

Vote it out You did You did Don't vote Oh fuck your cat You know what we should do? We should do a live show That's just coverage of voted out. Yeah, I'm sure people are going to love that.

And then people come up and do their problem, and then we play like a... Sitting by the dock of a vote. Well, I got a couple voted ups in my head that I've been planning out. Okay. I'll give you two words. Why'd you bring up the... Go ahead. Billy Joel. It's coming'll give you two words. Why'd you bring up the Go ahead. Billy Joel.

It's a common. It's a common. Why did you bring up the gas thing if you don't think the president's responsible though? Doesn't make any sense. No, because the point is. From a storytelling point of view, it doesn't make any sense. The presidential gas griper's problem, the problem is believing that the president is responsible for the rise of gas. Yeah.

Right. I'm arguing that he's not. That it was related to gas being too expensive and then prices going down. If the president came out and said, tomorrow I'm declaring a war on Q-tips, you would go run to the store and stock up on Q-tips, right? People can make up their mind on whether or not to vote it up, but clearly there is evidence that, okay. Okay.

There has been no radical change in oil policy from Biden. Yet the prices go down. Yes, he canceled the fucking Keystone pipeline. No, I'm saying since the time it went up. It went up and now it's going back down and there's been no major catalyst. So it's clearly not related to anything the president's doing. Because all the contracts expire. Which contract expired?

All the futures gas or the price of oil is driven by futures contracts. Press the button. Which one? Vote it up. Cat rape veto. No, not that one. No. Always with the hot cat tip.

You can argue over this. What the fuck is that? When did you get a cat rape veto song? God damn it. That's not the stinger. All right. All right. Well, you're the winner.

You cock sucking fucking piece of shit. That's not the stinger. All right. All right. Well, you're the winner. You cock sucking fucking piece of shit. Yeah. Student loan repayment. Student debt cancellation. Student debt cancellation. Yeah. Well, I'm going to say something to you, Dick.

I almost brought that one in, so I think I might be in your corner. I mean, fuck you. If you got your student debt canceled, fuck you. Well, what did they announce? You're going to get $10,000? $10,000 off. It's already gone. It's already gone. Check your account.

It's already gone. It's already gone. For everyone making less than a certain amount, though, right? On your taxes. For everyone making less than $100,000. I think it's $120,000. I mean, it might as well be a million. You're making $120,000?

Yeah. And you can't pay off your... Well, no no that's i yeah i guess if you make a hundred ten thousand ten thousand dollars is like a little little cut a little bleed me dry right well you know we call that in the democratic party dick getting all that buying votes because all those by all those dudes are gonna line up you really cut and slice And tickle and niggle your way

So when you guys are at the polls Maybe remember Remember who did this to you It was the Democratic Party Because you didn't hold out for more If you had voted for the Republicans they would give you more They wouldn't have gave you nothing I'm getting sold this

People are coming up to me and going like, you know what the worst thing about it is? All these conservatives, they're trying to say the real... I'm like, man, I don't even want... I don't want to hear about what's a bad take on this. You're kidding. I didn't like when Ukraine got money. I don't like when starving kids get the money.

I don't like when guys that are living off Frappuccino And beating off the hentai all day Are getting my money I don't like when anybody's getting my money but me You want to cancel your student debt and you want me to pay for it At least write me a thank you note At least let me have a grant application Get one

What do you mean get one It's my fucking money All of it's my money! All of this! Ukraine! Roads! Canceling student debt! All of it is my money!

Because I'm the one they're taking taxes from! This is not, this should not be lost in the algebra! Don't you want your money to go to these struggling college graduates? Don't college graduates need this more than anyone else, Dick? No, they never need to have money I'd rather a crack I'd rather a homeless crack addict

have my money because at least he might accidentally buy some fentanyl and kill himself Wow Well, that's as much as I can say legally Well, so Alright, so as I can say legally. Well, so it's a prop. Why would the price of college ever go down if they're doing this?

It's just going to keep going up. It just goes up by 10 grand. You think they're going to do it again? Why would anybody pay? You think we're going to get more college debt? It's never going to go back. Well, every time we need more votes. Have you ever heard the book, If You Give a Woman a Muffin? That's not the book, but yes. What is it? What heard the book, If You Give a Woman a Muffin? That's not the book, but yes.

What is it? What is the book? If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. A Moose a Muffin, I think it is. If You Give a Moose a Muffin was the sequel to If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. And then what happens? He wants a piece of cheese. Oh!

And a big old glass of milk. Why is that? Oh, he's a little something more. Oh, he's a little bit more. Right? Yeah. Bart, what's up? Oh, he's a little something more oh he's a little bit more right yeah bart what's up oh he wants a little bit more so when's this gonna stop you're the big uh reliably vote democrats into power and we have to stop bribing you fucking people motherfuckers i got into an argument online with some people because i am i think i think

the comparison is always That uh well why doesn't the government Just pay off my car loan what's the difference Yeah why not I need a car right Yeah but I put that out there Why don't you buy me some whores Obviously that's a ridiculous assertion Well the government's not going to buy you a car

You can learn more with $10,000 a whore than you can learn at some college Well I had some guy legitimately arguing with me And he's like well you do need a car. I'm legitimately making the horror argument. The government should give you a free car and whatever else. And there is really this weird entitlement that anything that you need should be should be automatically given.

But it's not weird though because I would rather everyone who is going to use a car have a car than for a bunch of grad students to have $10,000 back Like 40% of student loans Are grad students Who went through

School And then looked at their life And said I can't make any money I fucked up So I'm gonna double down And I'm going to grad school Going back to school For yeah

English Nonsense Nonsense Yeah well I mean my thing I'd rather anybody have a car Which is like Three grand

Yeah You know Five grand maybe Five grand maybe I don't know what the New numbers are Yeah But

Anybody Ten thousand dollars Of an education Is the last thing I'd want anyone to have I mean I just always Find it comical That you know

Of all the people who need debt relief, I would rather go by like, well, who actually has like the lowest incomes? Yeah, they probably need relief. Women with big boobs probably. Quite possibly. That's it. They need it the most. Typically, when you think of people who are able to find a career and put a roof over their head, you think, well, a college graduate

person already has a leg up in the market. Why do we have to throw extra money at them? Because what? They took out a loan? Like, everybody's got loans. There's car loans, house loans, whatever else. It's a bank payoff. Yeah. Like, forgiveness. Well, the one reason I could never get behind... Well, we're just paying... We're gonna

take tax money and give it to the banks now. I could never get behind Bernie Sanders because he just wanted to give it all away. All the college, all free. That's like the worst thing possible. I'm like, what are you, nuts? Yeah. Yeah. People should not be going to college to begin with.

No, I think it should all be free, college. For what reason? Well, because it's worthless, so it shouldn't be. It shouldn't pay money for something that is not worth anything. Like, teachers are worthless, so making them like teachers of adults is way more worthless. If you're an adult and you can't just look it up online, you are dumb. Well, if you like this discussion, you're going to love the latest Biggest Problem in the Universe bonus episode, Back to School Edition, where the uselessness of teachers is discussed in detail. We've been on that topic recently.

Those horrible women who... Horrible women. Yeah. Plus, it's all admin. It's all admin. Admin. Oh, administration. Yeah.

Yeah. Not like madmen. We like those guys. I wish it was madmen. I wish, yeah. I wish all the colleges were just guys drinking scotch and being like, here's how to feel up a woman right. And you go, oh, I like this yeah. I wish all the colleges were just guys drinking scotch and being like, here's how to feel up a woman right. And you go, oh, I like this class.

Yeah. Professor Draper's got it all figured out. This is what they do. Like, what do women really want? Who cares? And then, of course, a female student goes, I don't understand. Meet me after class. We'll iron it out.

Anyway. I think it's silly. Understand. Meet me after class. We'll iron it out. Anyway. I think it's silly. I hope that everyone who got student debt cancellation gets poisoned or hit by a train. Well, I'm sure there's some in our- You know how old we are? Do you know how old you and I are? Yeah. And they're just starting this now?

Do you know how many fucking student debts we're going to have to pay off? And before we're dead, do you understand? Do you realize how much money of student debt you and I are going to see them pay off for us? Ten grand a person. And the IRS is going to show up at your door going, little fucking Susie needed her lesbian studies degree. Give me that fucking money, Vito. I know you got some super killer money hidden in there somewhere.

Let's go, fat ass. Give me that fucking money. That's the future. It does. It does. I mean, but we got to get the votes somehow. So, I mean, what can I say? What do you want the votes for?

You know, our guys are going to get in now because we gave everybody 10 grand. It's pretty good. But what are you fighting for? Trump did the same shit. He put his name on all those PPP checks or whatever. It's the same payola, you know? Pay for play. I got the PPP checks. Yeah, with Trump's name on all those PPP checks or whatever. It's the same payola. You know? I got the PPP checks. Yeah, with Trump's name on them. And then everybody

goes, got my Trump money. I know who I'm voting for. It's very different. I got that money. It's the same shit. That was me giving myself money. All these guys. It was fine. No student, no graduate gave me any money in the PPP loans. You took that Trump money. I took my own because it was

my money! And you probably applied to get more of it and more of it and all got... Yeah. I bought Bitcoin. Yeah, with your PPP loans. Are you allowed to say that? I'm joking. Fantastic.

Well, I'm glad your PPP loans were spent Invested in your business And of course The government went Do you understand how bad this is? Student loan forgiveness I think it's dumb You think it's dumb What are you fighting

I want to know what you're fighting for All this money Have they calculated Zelensky How much money it's going to be Is Zelensky Trillions Infinity money it's going to be? Zolensky. Trillions. Infinity money.

You like Zolensky? He's a Ukrainian hero. You like his military shirts? Yeah, it's cool. He's got a little set. He's like a YouTuber. Don't you think his wife should be hotter? Yeah, well, you know.

Don't you think his wife should be hotter, though? I think in Ukraine... I can't trust him if his wife isn't hot enough. He knows she could get shelled at any point, and then he can grab another one. You don't want to... If I was Zolensky, I would go shove her right in front of a tank. In times of war, you take the fugly lady, and then she dies midway through the war.

It wasn't a time of war. Hitler grabbed Eva Braun, and then... When he's all blindfolded, grabbing ass? Yeah. That's awesome. Hitler was audacious grabbing Eva Braun. He should have went with a more homely girl. Just in case he needed to barter with the Allies or something, you know?

You're not bartering. Once you start lining Jews up, that's it. There's no barter system. You're not bartering now. He's probably smoking. Hitler, what's your exit plan? You ever watch that movie, Downfall? The Last Days of Hitler.

It's the one they have. The one with all the memes come from It's actually a good movie, it's fun Is it like Zelensky? Yeah, well That'd be Zelensky when Trump selected Sorry, but Trump selected

We were going to get so much money from the Why are you supporting these guys? It's funny But you're angry at Eric Ripper. And the Ripperverse. I'm going to steal your line from now on. Why are you doing this? It's funny.

That's it. The Dick Masterson way of life. I don't think it's funny. That's all. This is such bullshit. I look like Quail Man. It'll be like, oh, a kid was set on fire and it burned away and you saw his skull and you go, well, that's funny. What was the kid doing?

I don't fucking know playing with matches for fun so I don't fucking know a lot of a funny thing you already bought into my way of thinking dude I think give me all your money for student debt and loan debt is hilarious if I see you and you had your student loan debt forgived you better have a lollipop or some sort of thank you ready like carry a fucking pocket full of

lollipops for everyone who like the dentist because I need to thank you maybe we could come up with a little patch they could wear that

indicates their student loan forgiveness some sort of star they could sew on to their jacket you need to carry around a treasure box like

the dentist had like Or the dentist had when you're done. The toy chest. Yeah. You pick a toy out of there and you're like, alright, this is a little tattoo, temporary tattoo. Stickers here, bouncy ball. What is that? Oh. Oh, he gave you a, we got a student loan

forgiveness here. You got a fucking, you got your student loan forgiven? Oh, fuck you! Oh, man! 10K richer. Just handed Dick a little apology note. He's clear. I feel better. I feel better. I wish I had taken some out right before.

All Biden has to say is, hey, if you got your student loan forgived, there's a lot of people that you fucked over. They all make, everybody under 120K, everybody over you got fucked over. So go thank them. Maybe they all got to go around like the Girl Scouts, but they got to give out the cookies for free. Just if you see them. If you see a guy with a nice watch or a nice car. No, I want them in Girl Scout uniforms. Sorry about that.

They go around in Girl Scout uniforms and they go door to door and they go, Hi, I'm a student loan forgiveness recipient. I have boxes of cookies. You may choose one For each tax bracket I don't want cookies I'm fat enough Okay Then I don't know

Ammunition so you can fight off The fucking IRS Okay go ahead Everybody in our audience Write Dick a little apology note No in person They can't send They can't send an apology voicemail

That's worthless Alright write Come in person And we accept gifts Of a monetary value, $100 minimum. Dick, the other day I'm in the Home Depot. Okay. And I'm just looking around.

You spend a lot of time at Home Depot the last three days. I have been a lot at Home Depot. Yeah, that's true. Okay. I'm reorganizing. I have. I've spent a lot of time. Oh, well, you're doing a whole thing.

Well, I've been reorganizing. I've been fixing things, putting up shelves. And I walk by Loctite You know Loctite It's like for tile and stuff It's basically Oh yeah okay

Yeah putty or whatever Yeah And I go Oh you know what I got some loose tiles In my kitchen I've been meaning to grab some I don't say anything

I just grab the tube I go to the checkout Purchase it And I shove it up my ass Of course To get the hamster out of there No I take it home And I never think about it ass Of course To get the hamster out of there No I take it home

And I never think about it again The next day You didn't do it? I'm gonna do it It's gonna happen I have it ready to go You went to Home Depot And bought it just to

Okay alright I have it ready to go Okay Okay It's not the important part of the story The important part of the story is Okay I go on Facebook

Scrolling around See an ad, Home Depot. It goes, you might be interested in purchasing Loctite. Because you just bought it. How do they know that? Because they're listening on all your stuff. No, no, no, but here's the thing. I didn't say Loctite out loud.

Oh, yeah. I just took it off the shelf. They're fucking spying on you, bro. That's why. Well, that's I just took it off the shelf. They're fucking spying on you, bro. That's why. Well, that's my problem is creepy targeted ads. Yes. This is horrifying. Yeah.

I honestly, and it wasn't like, here's like a bunch of different stuff you want from Home Depot. It has like the little arrow of what you might want. And you click the arrow and it's like, what about a three pack of Loctite? I go right again. It's like, what about a nine pack of Loctite? And I'm like, how do they fucking know? What do they know? I already bought it first of all I was like, what about a nine pack of Loctite? And I'm like, how do they fucking know? What do they know? I already bought it first of all, but like what is happening? It's fucked.

That's what Alex Jones is always talking about. But they must be tracking my credit card purchases. They're tracking everything. That's the only... But I thought if you didn't say it out loud or like look at it with your... Are they like... If I phone... I'm tracking! If I take out my phone is it like

automatically scanning everything in my vicinity yeah it's like oh he looked at a diet coke the other day let's send him a diet coke ads yeah it's like not sure oh shit well that's what's crazy is they don't have to tell us what's going on for some reason okay yeah they don't have to tell us if they're listening

or they're checking our text or going through our photos. They can just do it. Yeah. And what do I do? I just accept it because I'm weak. Because I like when I can grab my phone and go, okay, Google, check my calendar. And it goes, I'm always listening.

Classic liberal response. I'm always listening. I don't know what they're going to do with this data. Don't you always get targeted ads on your stuff? Well I would get targeted ads But they always made sense mostly I would be like oh like Maybe I googled that or something

I swear to god I have not But that tile's been loose for like a year Yeah I have not googled like fix a tile I have not googled like what you need i just completely instinctively bought some loctite and they know you know what's crazy they fucking know i always get ads for midget piano players really i don't get the joke do you raise your hands if you get it. Yeah, you got it. We got one.

Because you're always searching for them? Bro, 12-inch penis. That's what the joke is. Midget piano players. Meaning that somebody in my phone. Because you're always looking for a 12-inch penis. No, because girls are saying 12-inch penis. That's the joke.

I needed you to explain that one. And I'm not ashamed of admitting that. Point is, Dick, Amazon and third-party services have been caught using smart speaker interaction data for ad targeting, according to researchers at four U.S. universities. Yeah. So they have set up basically stings where they get a device and they just kind of like talk around it. You know, they're just kind of like, ah, balloons. I fucking love balloons. Balloons, balloons, balloons balloons and what do you know they start getting spikes for fucking balloon shit you know what sucks though i i would like this except for all the illegal shit that i

do yeah like i'd be fine if if there was i'd be fine with i would be fine i'd be fine with total surveillance as long as the laws matched my own morality. Yeah. Like, if nothing that I like to do that doesn't hurt anybody was illegal, I'd be fine with total surveillance. But it never will be that way. Yeah. Well, that's what we don't know is, like, what do they do with this data? What are they holding onto it for?

Famously, like, Google now will scan any, like, image you upload to your like google drive so i was reading an article recently about a guy who you know his kid was like sick and the you know in his whatever his no-no area and because it's covid the doctor's like yeah the doctor's like well take a picture of his penis and send it to me Pedophile Pedophile No it wasn't It wasn't Please don't tell me You don't have a pedophile As siren I don't have a pedophile As siren

He's searching the soundboard I need a pedophile siren For a pedophile siren That's a fucking Obvious pedophile No it's not No one wants to see If a doctor told me

A doctor doesn't want to see Your diseased kid's dick He's doing it for A medical reason Pedophiles do though It could be both Oh god Anyway If a doctor told me... If a doctor told me you're a diseased kid's dick, he's doing it for a medical reason. What do files do, though? It could be both. Oh, God. Anyway, this poor...

If a doctor told me to send him a picture of my child's penis... How else is he going to diagnose it? I would kill him. I would show up to his house and kill him. So if your kid gets a rash on his dick, you just tell your kid, well, you're going to have to die, maybe. Fucking describe it. Because we can't let a doctor...

No, you can't describe it. He's got to look at it and see what it looks like. I don't... Then you've got to look at it. Is that better? I don't want to look at my kid's dick. I can't describe it. He's gonna look at it and see what I don't then You've got to look at it. Is that better? I don't look at my kids. Look at my kids I'd rather snap a quick shot and I would go to I would go to doctors problem Hardware, what is it frontier hardware? What is the store something hardware any hardware store? It's some kind of it starts with an F foundation hardware or something and I'd rent a wood chipper

And I drive to the doctor's house And I'd throw him and his wife into the wood chip for asking to see your dick penis The point of that story was that the man was banned from Google Was no the the the father was. The doctor should have been banned. Well, he received the images, so I'm sure he got investigated as well on this false flag for CP.

Anyway, as I said, these academics have found that not only is this a speaker interaction where it's listening to everything you're saying, not only is that happening, but they're actually paying as much as 30 times higher for those advertisements. So apparently they're very effective, the listening in on you and hearing your secret thoughts. Those ads are working so well that it ain't going to stop,

and advertisers are paying crazy amounts to make it happen. Obviously, Amazon denies All of this but How'd the Loctite ad get In my feed Dude it's like so obvious There's no other way they must be scanning Either A they're able to scan my purchases They're listening to everything

Or like my camera was like Active and they saw like how else I can't figure it out It's horrifying Yes. They're listening to everything. Or, like, my camera was, like, active, and they saw, like, how else? I can't figure it out. It's horrifying. They must scan my purchases somehow. Yeah. Like, my credit card must report to them.

Here's what he bought, and we have this point of sale. Absolutely. That's probably why they have all the self, like, checkouts, the electronic, whatever the fuck. It's like, I don't know. Because I did use the self-checkout. Oh, you did? Yeah. Okay, was that your problem? That's how they get you.

Creepy targeted ads is my problem, dick. But you kind of want them eventually, right? No, I don't want to feel. Like, if I woke up, if I woke up and, like, a. You knew exactly what you wanted? No, no, no. Shut up. If I woke up and there was a whole Mediterranean combo meal on my doorstep, I would go, what

the? And it automatically debited your account. And if Amazon said, we listened to, we looked at your credit card And you spent Four hundred dollars At Uh Golden Road Yeah Last night Downtown

We scanned your dreams With the Alexa brainwave scanner And then you spent Six hundred dollars At Spearmint Rhino Yeah And we realized That you'd probably want

Some Mediterranean food For fifteen dollars And we went ahead And charged it to you And sent it to you Cause you always wake up We always hear, at about 9.30 on Saturday.

I would say, I believe in God. The problem is they're not going to send you Mediterranean food. They're going to send you Amazon branded purple paste and go, this is the nutrient that your brainwaves decide you want. You're going to go, yeah, give me the paste. They're going to give you what the advertiser wants to give you not what you truly need or deserve it's the thought that counts it's the thought that no it's not the thought that counts it's the money that counts in this exchange if it

was that i have plenty of money yeah okay it was there i would be happy okay all right wouldn't you be no if your cat was screaming and a box of Q-tips Showed up No I don't want that I don't need those I'm done with the Q-tip saga in my life No more Q-tips ever It happened once

It's in the past All the cats are fixed I'm just saying I'm just saying Alright Fair enough What was my last problem? Your last problem was

Okay Yes Ratchet straps Do you remember the first time That you had to do a ratchet strap in front of your dad? That was the worst day of my life. That was like a million years ago. But yeah, kind of. The first time I ever encountered a ratchet strap, that was the worst day of my life.

And then all of them, all the days afterwards got worse. Really? You use a lot of ratchet straps, do you? Not often, no. Not often? Well, I have a big old Honda Element, so pretty much everything fits in there. I'm not putting a lot of stuff on the roof. They're like backwards.

They go backwards. The ratchet straps? I can do them. I can do them in my age, in my advanced age and experience. I can do ratchet straps. But every time I do them, I'm thinking, oh, man, we should have done a better job for these kids. It's too hard. This is too much.

I think there's got to be a better way. You're saying the ratchet straps are not as good as they should be? Well, have you ever used one? Yeah. You start cranking, and you get it all tangled up when it gets when it folds over itself a little bit Okay, you proved yourself as a man to me just there well because I know that the strap Occasionally will not go completely straight and then you're like and then someone gives you like well I can't figure it the worst thing you've ever

Proved myself as a man by man Sometimes the ratchet strap will fold over It turns over But people will just go like Well it's broken I kind of agree with you That is a good barometer Yeah I just haven't been using them recently

So maybe I've forgotten about What a headache they are You ever use the bungee cord they're not rope anyone a woman can i mean the ratchet strap is clearly the superior thing i'll say this i'm always impressed by a man whose job clearly involves a lot of ratchet strapping like anytime anytime i've gotten my car towed and the tow guys just ratcheting it up i'm like yeah you, you probably get another notch in there if you wanted to. Yeah, but they need to be ableist. They are.

They're too difficult. The tow guys? No, the ratchet straps. Because you got to eyeball it. Like there's an element of it's really like it's just it's an elitist, ableist device. Like unlike any other. Ableist? Yeah, you go into an elevator, and there's Braille everywhere.

You go like, ooh, what floor is this? I have no idea. I don't do that. Maybe you do that. Blind people do that. Okay. They're like, ooh. I thought you meant every time you get into an elevator, you pantomime being a blind person for funsies.

No, not you. I do that. I was like, wow, dick really hates the blind every time you're in an elevator you go with the fucking numbers no having my having my temporary disabled handicap parking that's right it made me more sensitive to handicapped disabled problems uh but crippled stuff but a ratchet strap and you're on your own. Just throw it away. Throw away the ratchet strap. Yeah.

No. It could be easier. What if it was easier? And you could just go, you could just hook it up and go, and then it worked. Wouldn't that be great? I think there has to be some amount of labor left in our industrialized society. Have you ever been embarrassed by a ratchet strap? Have you or have you not? I can't remember.

Me either. But the answer is probably yes. Probably. For everybody in the audience. I don't know if I really hinged my self-worth on whether or not I can get the ratchet strap on the first try. But you should. I don't think I should. No.

I think anyone who would Judge me for such a thing Is uh Is living the wrong Kind of life Okay listen Listen listen Everyone's looking at you You have some deep seated

Things with your father It sounds like My father? Did he make you cry? No never Did he go Why don't you just Rash it right boy

My father Oh no Why don't you That would be a That would be a Big mistake If he ever did that Oh yeah Oh if he If he would be a That would be a That would be a big mistake If he ever did that Oh yeah

Oh if he If he would ever show That much emotion Yeah That would be a big Fucking mistake Let me tell you something In front of people

Any kind of emotion No he shows emotion Okay He's a great guy He's fun Likes to laugh He wasn't stern He would do a ratchet strap

And then just not even look at me And walk away And be like God fucking damn it. It's like panic. It's kind of like all tied up in like some primordial manhood ritual. You give a guy a ratchet strap and watch him do it, he'll start getting like sweats. Yeah. Like, oh God.

See, my dad just had like great stories about the time he forgot to ratchet down all these Diet Cokes. So like he spilled a thousand Diet Cokes on the highway and just drove away real fast. So I guess my A thousand diet cokes Cause they were on sale And he's like Oh fuck yeah I don't know

He's buying like a bunch Of sodas for his store Or whatever It's probably All sorts of flavors He was gonna flip A thousand diet cokes Yeah you put them

He had vending machines In all the stores You'd fill them up Okay You know And then he just Didn't ratchet them down He's like yeah

I just dumped like a shit You know and to us It was funny You know So I wasn't like't ratchet him down He's like yeah I just dumped like a shit ton of You know and to us It was funny You know So I wasn't like Yeah you dumbass It's like

Yeah it's funny Way to go That's fun Have you ever been told by Like a guy you don't know That you're ratcheting wrong Yeah What circles do you run in

Who are you hanging out with You hang out with Johnny Ratchet under the bridge And you go over there And he goes alright Time to do some ratcheting And you're like Oh gee whiz guy I don't know about this And he goes shut the fuck up Masterson

Ratchet faster or I'll fucking kill you And you're like oh I love ya I know how to use a ratchet strap and I still freak out And I still if I went to go You need to talk to a psychiatrist I was bringing out no You need professional help You need to talk to a woman psychiatrist

I definitely don't need to talk to a psychiatrist. You need to talk to a woman psychiatrist. I definitely don't need to talk to a woman. And tell her about all your deep-seated masculine hang-ups. About ratchet straps? Like a fucking woman is going to understand even what a ratchet strap is? What is that? Oh, it ties down luggage in the back. What do you mean ties down? But maybe just being able to vent in that way and explain to her what a ratchet strap is.

I vent that way enough. I feel like you have emotional ratchet straps in your head. Yes, I do. They're holding you back. Well, you gotta work on that. Yeah, and I can't tie them down because they're all fucking tangled up. Jesus Christ. Don't you think, like, if someone says, like, go ratchet that thing down, you're like, I even know how to use it and I'm still stressed out.

Ugh. No. You're just, like, totally fine. Ugh. No. You're just like totally fine. Yeah. Well. I think you at some point in your life. We'll see what's voting. Were you raped by a ratchetman, Dick, and you pushed it down real deep?

I wish. Did the ratchetman come to town? Took you out of the woodshed? Told you to look at the ratchet shed? Wouldn't it be a ratchet strap? Wouldn't they ratchet me down to the top of a pickup or something? It would be a woodshed. There could be ratchet straps in the woodshed.

No. Why would there be ratchet straps? That's not how ratchet straps work. Well, maybe that's what he's got like a table out there. He's got a bunch of ratchet straps on it. Honestly, the way you're talking to me makes me want to bully you. The way that you know exactly how the ratchet rapist works makes me think that you've encountered the ratchet rapist. The fact that you have a narrative in your head

Makes me think that you're drawing this from a real life scenario You're literally arguing with me And you go well he doesn't have a cabin Okay he has a garage of course A big red garage Out by the grove Underneath the apple tree And I'm like I don't know any of this dick what are you talking about

Ratchet straps Something happened to you Someone's gonna get to the bottom of it And I'm sorry that ratchet man hurt you I don't know any of this, Dick. What are you talking about? Ratchet straps. Something happened to you. There's got to be something better. Someone's going to get to the bottom of it, and I'm sorry that ratchet man hurt you. Yeah, my dad did it better than me. That's what happened. What do you mean? It's the worst possible thing that could ever happen to anyone.

I'm not equipped to deal with this conversation. I think you should talk to a professional. I'm going to call my dad right now And get him on a ratchet off right now Hey get down here We're having a ratchet I mean he would still fucking win He would still win That's what

That's what makes it So humiliating You and your dad have a great relationship If my dad came in here right now He would out He would pack my truck Better than me This is not healthy

And I would There's nothing I can do about it All of the podcasts in the world There's nothing I can do about it. All of the podcasts in the world, there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe just accept that you don't need to ratchet as well as your father. Maybe we are not defined by our father's dick. He doesn't even know what minimizing a window means. He doesn't even know what minimizing a window in Windows and then clicking on the taskbar and it pops back up.

He doesn't even know what that means. So you want me to accept that he can ratchet strap better than me? Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers failed, what does that say about God? What are you quoting Fight Club lines at me? You know what my father would say? Have you heard that? Me quoting a Fight Club

line at him? That's a good line. Well, Dick, what a problem you got there. I'm going to ratchet strap his coffin so he doesn't get out. I'm going to be out there when they put him in the ground. His pallbearers. This is your fucking rosebud, man.

It all comes back to the ratchet strap incident of 1982. Jesus Christ. 1998. That's when I moved out to college. That, Jesus Christ. 1998. Yeah, all right. That's when I moved out to college. You got some hang,

and that's when it all happened. You got to deal with this, man. You got to work through this. What am I going to fucking do? What do you mean deal with? I don't know. Go buy a bunch of ratchet straps and just hang out with them.

I have a bunch of rabbits. Go fucking do shit with them until you get over it. Oh, my God. Ratchet yourself. It's not my fault. I know. It's society. No, it's the ratchet straps. It's the the coffin. It's not my fault. I know, it's society.

No, it's the ratchet straps. It's the ratchet straps. It's not society. If this problem wins, I'm gonna kill myself. Uh, good problem, Dick. Great problem. Vote it up! Vote it up! Vote it up!

Vote it up! I won't get a vote And I won't get a view Don't vote Oh, fuck your cat What a show. What a problem. Well, Dick, moving along. Dick's still trying to get some last minute apologies out of the student loan people. Did you get a student loan forgiveness?

I haven't gotten an apology either. I'll spank you if you got one. Did you get one? Just nod. They can't hear you. Oh, you fucking scumbag. God fucking damn it. I didn't get one.

You see these fucking clowns on both sides of you? Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of them got student loan forgiveness days. Clowns to the left of me. Student loan forgiveness to the right. Clowns to the left of me. Here I am stuck in the middle.

Voted up. Voted up. Okay, go ahead. Good one. Dick, I've been trying to watch these comedies. Famously, She-Hulk is still going on. Do you think you could ratchet strap better than me? Is that what you're saying?

Holy shit. Do you think you could fucking ratchet strap better than me? No, no, no, Dick. Of course not. No, I would never try to. I would never try to out ratchet you. Do you think you could fucking ratchet strap better than me? I would never.

I would never. Listen, punk. You think you can out ratchet me? Do you think you can ratchet strap better than me? Make your move punk No I would never dick I would never It seems like you're saying

No no no We're cool man we're cool What's your problem I'm trying to watch these comedies I'm trying to watch the She-Hulk Rick and Morty's coming back I'm not excited And why dick

Because the female comedy writer reigns supreme yeah runs the room I looked up after watching the second episode of She-Hulk which was not funny which was filled with jokes written by by women for no one well basically I want to say like jokes I've heard before, from a woman before. Like, this funny thing happened to me, isn't that? It's not that funny. And I went and I looked up the She-Hulk writers, and of course, it's all... Rick and Morty.

And the Rick and Morty writers. Well, that's the thing. Some of the She-Hulk writers are the same writers as Rick and Morty, as Jennifer and Sheila and, you know, Chrysanthemum. I don't know what women's names are, but that's what I saw. Yeah. And frankly, I don't like it. How? Because they're horrible.

Because they're horrible at comedy and sci-fi. Look, I think that women, some women are very funny. Some women sitcoms, I like 30 Rock. I was a fan of that. Yeah. Because of Tracy Jordan, though. Well, that's the thing. I mean,

hopefully... And Alec Baldwin. And Alec Baldwin. That guy was cool. Tina Fey did alright. She did, obviously, a lot of the writing. The problem is that when we talk about women comedy writers, we're not talking about this old guard of maybe UCB and groundlings, you know, where people wet their beaks on standup.

It's literally the same girls that we keep talking about who keep getting these little desk jobs as community managers. It's like they went through life. And at one point, the two paths diverged in the wood. And it was like, am I going to be a stupid little community manager or am I going to be a writer on a hit sitcom? Yeah. And they just they're like well i like funny little words a little more yeah it's not that they're necessarily more talented or funny they're just there telling the same basic bitch stories and stupid little

quippy marvel jokes like women writers are like office funny yes like the funniest guy at your office you show up and he's making jokes. It's like they're writing the show. And it's crazy. And they're not funny. Because we've been watching our favorite show, So I Think You Should Leave. Yeah. And that, I'm going, why don't you just, clearly these guys are hilarious.

Yeah. Just bring them in. And just be like, hey, we're making a She-Hulk show. All the women have laid out, you know know their stupid little plot about how hard it is To be in an office and try to find seltzer water And don't even make it She-Hulk make it a guy Well Call it guy She-Hulk

Call it male She-Hulk And then the first time she's like I transition I'm a man now And it's that guy Oswald from the Drew Carey show He's like I think Just bring in guys To be funny

And make all the jokey jokes Yeah And if you guys want to like Occasionally chime in And go well actually Her high heels Should be this brand We can go

Oh okay I didn't know about that Yeah stay in your Know your limits She would have chapstick with her in her purse. Oh, okay, we'll put chapstick in there. Good point, yeah. I wouldn't have thought of that.

I'm too busy writing all the jokes and providing all the levity for the show. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I know this is, you know, I almost. It's a very sexist problem. Well, I was going to say, I almost feel like I've stolen this problem because this is a thing that we've discussed. I know you have an issue with how Rick and Morty is being written. Oh, yeah, because women ruined Rick and Morty.

Yeah. Well, because they don't know. Like, what's the odds that a woman knows sci-fi and comedy and together? Zero. It's very low. Like, every guy can quote Ghostbusters and thinks that, like. We know about ghosts and predators And aliens

And whatever the fuck else Well Ghostbusters did work because Dan Aykroyd was a fucking alien nut And a sci-fi nut Women just aren't like that But then you think that they would be good On this stupid She-Hulk lawyer show But ultimately it's just like A bunch of women hanging out being catty

And I'm like You need people there Who love superhero shit Ultimately, it's just like a bunch of women hanging out being catty. And I'm like, not really. You need people there who love superhero shit so you can have funny superhero jokes and guys flying in and causing troubles with their powers. Yeah. But instead, it's just like a shitty lawyer show. What's interesting, I don't know if we talked about this last time, but one of the head writers on She-Hulk is the same person who wrote the Pickle Rick episode of Rick and

Morty. That episode wasn't funny. No, it was. It was the same person who wrote the Pickle Rick episode of Rick and Morty. That episode wasn't funny. No. It was... It ruined it. It was interesting. Pickle Rick ruined the show. I don't... The dragon episode of Rick and Morty was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. And if I

had written it, I'd kill myself or at least get a hysterectomy. No, no. So I couldn't propagate. We don't encourage hysterectomies on this show. Why? That's a medical procedure just as getting your tits cut off like Elliot Page. That's true. Getting a hysterectomy is the same thing.

I just look. Anyway. Well, I look at shows that have managed. I hate to say it. Everybody always shits on Family Guy. It's the funniest show ever It's pretty funny It's still good

And it's always It's still like Seth MacFarlane I think just in there Being himself And fucking around And maybe they have Some lady writers in there Or something

But ultimately I just look at Too many I just look at Today's TV comedy And I'm not laughing I remember there was A period of time

Maybe 10 years ago When I was all excited Watching a bunch Of different sitcoms And they You know Again 30 Rock was on I'm trying to remember

What else I liked Well I liked The Office But that was already Off at that time Yeah Martin No Martin Yeah Martin I know

No Martin Martin was the name That was good Not Martin I'm trying to remember There was like a third one That I liked

But like Parks and Rec Was terrible And that was all Written by women Like absolutely Did you ever watch Parks and Rec? No

That was when You know what? Parks and Rec is like The dividing line Of where comedy Stopped being good Oh really? Oh my god

Parks and Rec was like Copying everything That the office was doing It was like that late Amy Poehler yeah it was amy poehler and she's not good i don't think she's funny at all no ugly well that's that's harsh why people say i'm ugly all the time looking gal i don't care about her if i if i was going for a romp with uh in the heyday poday polar i'd go for it okay whatever um but ultimately that show

again was a lot of like here's what women think is funny yeah relationships are hard yeah sometimes your boyfriend is dumb and sometimes your co-workers are dumb i'm like there's nothing here there's nothing you got a little Indian guy Making little jokes about like Him eating curry or something You know Or like getting in the scraps Women comedy writers Female comedy writers

Female comedy writers And there was Again those shows worked Because they weren't afraid Also men are willing to play around With like race and sex And all that shit Okay okay

The I Love Lucy show Yeah Hilarious Yeah because that was a different time Well yeah but you actually Had to be good as a woman Right Okay, okay. The I Love Lucy show? Yeah. Hilarious. Yeah, because that was a different time. Well, yeah, but you actually had to be good as a woman. Right. That's what I'm saying. Right, you couldn't just limp in with your random liberal arts degree.

With your vagina flapping around. Like a thousand men, one hilarious woman. That's great. Yeah. But now it's like, well, we're just trying to even out the... We need like ten women, but none of them are funny. None of them are fucking funny. And all these fucking funny guys are.

We are living in the age of a culture shredder. Yeah. Where we're just feeding quotas into a machine, into one of those tire shredding machines, you know? You know those machines? Yes. That just shreds anything that you put in. Well, you added the gulp. I really got there.

I was like, no, I don't really. Oh, those tire shredders. We're feeding our lives and our time and our money into a machine that chomps it up into nothing to serve quotas. There are so many geniuses like Sam Hyde, like me, Sam Hyde, that are getting overlooked. Me, as your co-host, maybe. hide. They're getting overlooked. Me, as your co-host, maybe.

And what's his name? Who we're talking about? What's the guy? So I think you should leave. Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson is so good. And his other guy who I sent you that video recently, Connor O'Malley. I love Connor O'Malley. You have to bitch those guys out, though, for women.

Yeah. Those guys should be the head writers of every fucking Oh, yeah, his brother. I love Conor O'Malley. You have to bitch those guys out, though, for women. Yeah. Like, those guys have to. Those guys should be the head writers of, like, every fucking show, as far as I'm concerned. They should be in charge of the Super Bowl. Yes. They should be in charge of the presidency. But they're not. They're not.

Because of women. We are living in a comedy. We're living in a ginocracy. I was going to say a comedy holocaust But that's true as well And uh I keep having these little fantasies Dick Where we mobilize Our respective audiences

And we make the great white man Comedy that the world is Well white hispanic Just anything other than women comedy Now Eric Ripp is doing that No no no Eric Ripp is doing that. No, no, no. Eric Ripp is doing that. No, not him.

Eric Ripp is doing that. No. He doesn't have any women in his comic book, right? No, there's women. Well, he has female characters. Ugh. Gross. No.

I want to make this. Reject degenerate. I want to make a comic. Rejected. We got to make it. I'm going to make Islamaman. We got to figure out who's going to do it. Someone needs to make.

Knocking down towers. Boom. Boom. Any kinds of towers you have. Boom. Boom. You're not welcoming the rip-a-verse with that kind of shit. I'm making Islamaman.

Islamaman. Yeah, he's cool. Is he part llama? Flies around in a frozen burrito. Punches out towers. Frozen burrito. Remember? around in a frozen burrito. Punches out. Frozen burrito. Remember? He's got a burrito.

Burrock. What is his name? We figured out. It's not a burrito. What is it? It's a flying like horse. What? The Burrock?

Why do we keep talking about the Burrock? Why do we keep talking about Muhammad's magic horse? This comes up way more often Than it should Oh the flying burrow Okay Sorry So the flying I swear to god

The Barack comes up on this podcast More than any other podcast That has ever existed You were all freaked out When I was capping on When I was fucking Criticizing Islam last week No I wasn't

Was I? Yeah you looked like Your asshole was like Shrank three sizes that day Well cause you're trying To challenge people to fatwas That's different I you're trying to challenge people to fatwas. I'm just trying to challenge people to challenge their preconceptions. Okay.

About whether Mohammed raped little girls. I have no opinion on that. You just said something, so you obviously have an opinion. I'm just asking people to ask questions. That's all. Malacca Halim My Muslim brothers What does that mean? I have no idea

I don't even know if I said anything I don't know It sounded Islamic Hopefully that's enough to get by With most of them They don't know what it is They're just saying stuff, right? Whoa

I'm obviously As long as you're facing the sun at midday That's all that matters, alright? I'm obviously joking You face the sun You don't eat long as you're facing the sun at midday That's all that matters I'm obviously joking You face the sun You don't eat And then you're I'm saying crazy things And I'm obviously joking

I know it I get it And I respect it Don't fuck with me Leave me alone What are you so fucking Like they're gonna drive all the way out To your

Where you live And fucking fatwa you That's right I guess they are a notoriously Lazy people They got shooters every... Lazy? They're not lazy at all.

They're probably quite industrious. They invented algebra. What have Italians ever done? When did they do that? What did Italians ever do? Yeah. I've heard of a little guy called Galilane.

We invented the stars, motherfucker. Suck on that. What else did you do? I don't know. We persecuted the stars, motherfucker. Suck on that. What else did you do? I don't know. We persecuted the Jews pretty hard. So we invented the radio. I guess nobody can claim.

You discovered America, by the way. Yeah, there you go. A lot of other things. What do you fucking call yourself in Italian? You don't know this stuff? Pizza. Pasta. All right.

Amaranada. Okay, okay. That's our chief cultural experts What's the problem? Our problems, Dick Are of course Creepy targeted ads Okay

Female comedy writers You did a bad job with that one You should have brought in some of their jokes Pickle Rick Go make peace with your ratchet god You fucking weirdo Ratchet straps Oh student debt relief

I gotta thank you though I gotta thank you I feel better No don't you think that like If you have a student loan You owe everyone who makes more money than you A thank you Set up a website where people can submit their most heartfelt apologies and have them spotlighted.

I've done enough work. I'm paying for your student loans. You can do a little bit of work and find out who paid for them. Okay? I agree. Like an organ donor. Okay.

System. Put in the work. I put on my driver's license. You can take $10,000. As long as you don't give it to Zelinsky, you can do whatever you want with it. Put in the work I put on my driver's license You can take $10,000 And not give As long as you don't give it to Zelinsky You can do whatever you want with it I did want to mention one milestone

That I'm personally excited about for the show We are now one of the top 250 Patreons On Patreon.com Top podcast Yes On Patreon What does that mean? It means that

Money wise Of all the Well I think we're closing in on seven grand a month. What? I think. Really? Yeah. What? That doesn't sound right.

For this show? Or are we closing in on six grand? Six or seven. Well, I don't know. You're the one that brought in the. Point is, Dick, we're now in the top 250 podcasts on the Patreon platform, which will be great because that's a little thing. Almost at six grand. Okay.

Oh, my God. Wow. Together with your super chats, we're doing pretty well. And that's great. That lets me reach out to guests. I even gave one of our guests a little gas money because I felt. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Which one?

Eric. Eric Esco bar yeah well he drove I would have vetoed that I know you would have so that's why I just gave it to him what do you mean we

though well how much gas money did you give that guy I don't know I think it was either like 25 50 bucks I don't remember

50 bucks for gas money he came out to do the show I mean 50 bucks though that seems like a lot the point is I want to tell the audience that their money doesn't just go into a big like like, stupid Scrooge McDuck fund. That's the last place they want their money to go.

Okay? It helps make the show better. What do you want to be on? Team Scrooge McDuck or Team Eric Escobar's $50 gas money fund? I'm saying that that money will be reinvested into... Yeah, to me. No, stingers and time on... No, it's invested in me.

Maybe we can reach out to bigger guests. We could fly people in maybe. We're not flying. No, no, no. We're not flying Eric Escobar anyway. We're not Eric Escobar, but if there was a big guest, we could fly him in. Tim Pool, I don't fucking know. I'll fucking, I will really fucking shake his hand.

Look, I'm just saying. Tim Pool enters in here. Thank you for everyone's support, and we will continue to pay it forward. No, we're keeping it. No, all your money goes to me and Vito. Fuck anyone else. Any money that you give goes to me and Vito. Better and more fun things for the fans.

And liquor and whores. That's where the money goes. Pay for merchandise designs Okay You're always upgrading You know equipment There's a lot going on You don't need to like

Make excuses For making money Alright fine We just take all the money And it just goes to us Fine thank you And we deserve it Okay but I'm saying

That I like When I get The money It goes to my You're not buying Eric Like gas money. Well, I did. It gets re-sunk into our own creative endeavors.

No, it doesn't. I'm keeping, I'm hoarding it. Okay, well, you're hoarding it. I'm blowing it on crypto scams. Yeah. Well, I'm reinvesting it in the creative community. So thank you to everyone For making the dreams Honestly thank you

Thank you Thank you for donating to the show It's really amazing And Not only that But it makes my dick feel bigger By being a patron It is and it's already big

By being a patron You get access of course To our bonus episodes Including the very exciting Biggest Problem Back to School Oh yeah Currently available at

Patreon.com Slash Biggest Problem That was a good one People have said it is our best bonus episode. I think it is. We had good energy. A lot of times we do the bonus episode, and I'm like, oh, I just did an episode. But that one, I was like, on fire.

That one was hot. Hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, hot. And they're only going to get better from there. Because I'm going to. Hot, hot, hot. Popping hot.

Hot. What a show. You pay Eric Escovar per snap. If he comes back in, we're going to pay. Just give him a little gas money. We can give. 50 bucks, though. Okay, 25 bucks.

How's that? What did you actually give him? I don't remember. I'd have to look. It was probably 25 bucks. Where'd you pull a five out? I'm saying it's nice. You had a five on you?

I would like. Did you Venmo him? I would like if a guest comes in that we give him gas? I'm saying it's nice. It's not a five. I would like did you Venmo? I would like if a guest comes in that we give him gas money. I think that's nice. It's nice Did you pay him with Ben with Venmo? Yeah, let's see it I don't know if it was Venmo or it was PayPal He said it was Venmo. It was PayPal. So I would have to dig through my PayPal Okay, go dig through your fucking PayPal. I'm not pay through my PayPal's right now. Why does it matter? What's the difference because you said 25 like you cut it in half and you said 50s too much I'm what I just want to know what you gave them look it up later. No because you're gonna fuck with it

gonna fuck with it. Why would I fuck with it? I'm not ashamed. Because it's radio. I gave him $500. I gave him $500 and a fucking handjob. Who cares? It doesn't matter. It's already happened. Yes, it does matter. People want to know now. No one cares. It's their money. It's their money that they gave. Where is it?

It's their money. Everybody wants to know. I'm not gonna dig through two months of PayPal invoices. Okay, I'm sure you have a whole bunch. Shut the fuck up. I'll send him a text. I'll say, how much did I give you? No, because you're gonna fucking say. Then I'm not doing it.

Then I'm not doing it. Just look at the receipts. I have so much PayPal activity. I would have to go through. Okay, look at the activity. I'll sort it out. I'm like fucking Rain Man. Just go, I'll find it.

Okay, hold on. OnlyFans, OnlyFans, OnlyFans. I'm like fucking Rain Man. Just go, I'll find it. Okay, hold on. OnlyFans, OnlyFans, OnlyFans. Here, I'm going to play. Many vids, OnlyFans. Vito, you fucking asshole. I order a copy of your card game, pay $5 extra for a signed copy. You know what comes in the fucking mail? What?

A pristine, high-quality, unsigned box. Where's my fucking money, Vito? Where's my fucking signature? Where's my fucking signature? Send me an email I'll send you a Fucking signed one He's joking, just tell him to go fuck himself

He doesn't want a signature You can give the unsigned one to a friend Buy a second one Try it again. Yeah, just buy a second one. We ironed out all the mistakes in the process. Most people don't want a signed one, so I get it mixed up sometimes.

Are you looking it up? It looks like you're doctoring records. Why would I doctor? I'm looking it up. Because you fucking lied. Because you gave that guy 50 bucks. Maybe even more. Hey, I'm pretty triggered by that lady saying we're all a little angry to say the least. Wouldn't saying the least just be shutting the fuck up? I know.

I know. That's completely alien. That's the one. No, that's not right. Oh, wow. Here's a big one. All right, here we go. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito.

I just want to call in to say that I really agree with Vito regarding Trump being tremendously, demonstrably anti-free speech. Thank you. You know, with his mean tweets and all that. tweets and all that. I want to just pull us back in time and remember when President Trump had the FBI raid a news organization,

take all of their private correspondence with their lawyer and then give it to their opponent in the case. You remember when that happened? When Trump did that? Remember when Trump did that veto? You stupid son of a bitch. How can you be this dumb?

Like it's literally, it's all the quorum with you. There's nothing, like no results, no actuality. Just oh my god, I can't, like Twitter is so fucking real for you that it's- Trump hates free speech. You're completely detached from reality and I fucking hate you. He absolutely hates free speech He wants to prosecute He wants to prosecute flag burning

He wants to prosecute Journalists for existing And make it easier to sue them Okay He's not a free speech guy I gave Eric $30 Let's see Okay It checks out a free speech guy. I gave Eric $30. Let's see.

Okay. That checks out. It checks out. I don't know why that was so important for you. Well, it was 30. It was none of the values that you said.

It was pretty close. Yeah, it was close. I assumed it felt like a round number and I, you know, I gave Eric $30 for gas.

I'm fine with that. I don't care. I don't need your permission to be fine with it. I gave him the money. I give it to you. You have my permission. I didn't take it out of the show. I took it out of my cut of the show.

Well, you know what? You're allowed to take it out of the show. How about that? In the future, I will keep that in mind. No, in the past. In the past. Only in the past. You can take it out. both ways okay you have my permission forward if we have a guest i can give him a little gas money well depending on who it is depending on who it is okay if they're at

least as good as eric was eric was fun i like eric yeah me too he was fun okay jesus fucking christ veto hi dick anyways fucking hey dude like stop making me call in rashidi or sorry sorry solomon rashidi are you fucking serious that's your fucking problem because it's connected to free speech i tried to look this shit up on google because no one's fucking heard of it just you and your weird fucking liberal Google searches. Like, all I could find was Rashidi Ellis versus Brad Solomon, a fucking UFC fight or some shit. You couldn't Google Salman Rushdie. Free speech next to it or some other fucking small catchphrase. Wait, this is really his problem is really he doesn't know who Salman Rushdie is.

This is my fault. You did it. Exactly. This is my fault. You did it. I'll vote for you if you thought of anything worth a damn voting for. You fuck. It's one of the most famous free speech fucking cases. Nah.

This is this guy. What are you, like, 22? Recently, but most countries don't give a fuck about free speech. Oh, my God, dude. And you think that that's like the most famous problem in the fucking world? I'm sorry you've never heard of one of the most famous examples of a religious organization trying to murder a man for having an opinion

yeah how have you not heard of Salman Rushdie I've never even read that fucking book and I know who Salman Rushdie is from Seinfeld from a curb the whole curb season really? you never saw the Curb Your En Curb season Really?

You never saw the Curb Your Enthusiasm season? Nah, I don't watch Curb Your Enthusiasm Dude, Larry David goes, I'm doing a musical called Fatwa based on the story of Solomon Rushdie And because of that he gets a Fatwa declared on him And then in an episode he actually hangs out with Solomon Rushdie and he's like

The Fatwa's kind of great because chicks Like love the danger of it And like two chicks are looking at Solomon Rushdie And he's like He's like the fall Was kind of great Because chicks like Love the danger of it And like two chicks Are looking at Solomon Rushdie And they're like Hey So Solomon

Even had a great He had a great sense Of humor about it But then you know Well then he should have Thought it was funny To get stabbed I can't believe

That anyone would tell me If I was getting stabbed If some woman Stabbed me I'd go like You got me If I bring up The Charlie Hebdo attacks,

you're going to go, who's that, Charlie Brown? Just get educated, you dumb motherfucker, okay? This is serious shit that's going on in your world. Is it really, though? Serious? Yes. Why? Religious fundamentalism is a problem.

Okay. Here you go. Hey, what's good, motherfuckers? It's the niggler. Sorry. It's the niggler again. For some reason, he changes his voice. I don't know why.

I'm sorry. I just have to hear it again. I'm sorry. Hey, what's good, motherfuckuckers It's the niggler You gotta tell that cracker ass Motherfucking other niggler Stop leaving such long Goddamn voicemails

I ain't be trying to listen To all that shit Niggler Out Okay So that's the real niggler The real niggler is upset No that's the niggler

That's the niggler We've been dealing with real niggler. The real niggler is upset. No, that's the niggler. That's the niggler. We've been dealing with the niggler. And they're having a bit of a beef. He believes the niggler's voicemails are too long. It's a turf war. It's a turf war. The niggler goes, hey, quit with them long voicemails. Okay, here we go.

Quit with them long voicemails. Okay, here we go. Fat was after declaring one against Eric July. He's saying I declared a fat one against Eric July? You did. You did declare a fat one against Eric July. Well. But then you raped him on his own channel. I think people will listen and make their own minds up.

It sounds like the early reports that I'm getting are that you fucked him in front of his whole audience i pulled his pants down like a little boy spanked his penis i took a picture of his penis i sent it to his doctor okay one more and he was ashamed hey jk vito uh i'm sure maybe you'll talk about it later but i had to pause the episode i thought we had to pause the episode of the fucking she-hole to just say like, she it's like women. She's like, I'm so fucking good at controlling my anger, Bruce, Bruce. That's why I'm so fucking good at controlling my fucking anger. I don't fucking get mad like you, you fucking stupid man.

I'm so fucking good. I get great every fucking day. Cause I'm a fucking woman. Bruce Bruce Well this guy is She-Hulk really got to him Go fuck yourself buddy What a show What would you do if you were a woman You'd run around like I'd pretty much do anything I wanted. I would just touch my titties all day long and think about how soft and pillowy they are.

Yeah, but you get bored of that at some point. I guess that's true. Well, I'd like to thank our top supporters for the month of August. Wait, we have super chats. Oh, right. That's true. And I'd like to thank our super chatters as well. There's so many moving parts to this show

I love all of you That's why it's the biggest 250th ranked podcast In the whole world Better than all the other podcast hunters Find the 200th podcast What is it? What's the 200th podcast?

I don't know It only shows the top 100 That podcast sucks! Yeah, we'll have to... And of course, all your super chats are going towards starving orphaned children in Ukraine. There you go. Now, if I tell them that, they won't donate. Michael winning for five.

Vito, if I give you $5, will you stop harassing black content creators? Will you? If everybody gives me $5 I will Okay RxI for $4.99 I listened to Biggest Problem in the Universe When some Armanian was on it

It was extremely boring Vito, in my opinion, brightens up this show My GF and I love the show Keep it up, Kings He said brighten up this show What did I say? Brightens up this show My GF and I Love the show Keep it up Kings He said brighten up this show What did I say? Brightens You corrected it

Yeah well I tried to Help his grammar along Wow Sorry Sorry I fill it in sometimes Baron Julius Von Brunk For a big five dollars Serious suggestion

You should get Keffels On the show To argue their side Of the Kiwi farm situation In order to You almost got me In order to be F and balanced Oh, wow

Close, but no cigar Sam Tums for five Close Close, that's all you get I have not been spreading spoilers from the outline you sent me, i sent the uh some people have asked to read my comic script ahead of time okay you know friends and well-wishers who have supported my endeavors by reading the script i sent them providing notes yeah i haven't oh you haven't i haven't noticed that you hadn't that's funny i even forgot that you had sent it to you, of course.

But he says he has not been upsetting. Spoilers, you're the best dick. Read Men Are Better Than Women for the fourth time. Oh, you read it. Oh, that's it? Fourth time. Come on. I've never read it.

You gotta give me a copy. You gotta buy it. Do you have copies? No. Okay. You gave them all away. I'll buy it on the internet, maybe. You can't.

Then I'll never read it Well That's on you Stop negging me Alright John Rips for two I'm trying to be nice And be like

Oh I would read your book But you can't even get it You can't even buy it John Rips for two Says I'm rooting For Putin Yeah based Buck Proven

And uh Let's be clear For One Hundred Euros Yeah Yeah, based. Buck Proven. And let's be clear, for 100 euros. Yeah. Come on, give us a siren for that or some shit. How much is that? You don't have the exchange rate of the euro?

I fell for it. No, don't do cat rape veto. Do a good one. Okay, hold on. We need like a happy time. Voted. It's not good? Stop.

Just stop. Well, what's a good one? I think you should have like a da-na-na-na, something like that. I don't have that. Well, let's make one at some point. I have stinkers. Is that good? Yeah, sure.

Give them smashing pumpkins. Don't be a cunt, just vote. Biggest problem. I don't think it's good. No, sure. Give him Smashing Pumpkins. I don't think it's good. No, it's not good. Anyway, for 100 euros, Dick, Dick is looking up the exchange rate. It's pretty much a one-to-one right now. Oof. And falling.

And falling. So you kind of gave us $99. Yeah. Should have made it 101 euros, so it would have, of course. Triggled in. Should have made it 101 euros So it would have of course But he says Great stinger Love it Please never stop doing these keep it up you two I guess the stingers are here to stay Dick

Yeah they're funny That actually the singing on that one was good Which one the most recent one Yeah Thank you I'm an okay singer Yeah The singing on that one was good. Which one? The most recent one? Yeah. Thank you. I'm an okay singer. Yeah.

Yeah. You're an okay singer. I'm an okay singer. Why'd you put the emphasis on okay? Well, because you want a compliment for being an okay guy. I'm just like, it comes out. I'm always surprised. I'm like, yeah, it's not bad. Well, okay.

You're talking yourself down now. Well, now I'm all self-conscious. Coach Cake. Thank you, Buck, again. For 100 euros, we're going to take those to the bank and have a good time. We're going to pay for everybody's gas. Coach Cake for 20. The Ukraine situation doesn't only affect gas.

Russia is the world's biggest supplier of titanium. I make jet components for a living, and it's bad right now. Luckily, Australia manages to be good with exports of titanium. Wow. Interesting. Interesting perspective. You see what I jumped over there? Yeah.

Yeah, you saw it. Mike Hunt for five. When you were on PKA, Kyle recommended Mr. Inbetween, and it was good. Is that a show? I don't know. Ruby C for 10. Thanks, Dick, for 10K off my student loans. Paying for my grad degree.

I used all the money over the pandemic to buy crypto. Would you like to donate more to my PayPal or Cash App? Hee, hee, hee. I'll give you more. My money's locked up. If you send me like $5,000 to Dick Masterson on PayPal, then I can pay you that. Okay.

Jim Satala for $4.99. Come on, Vito. It's just a vote-buying scheme for the midterms. If they really wanted it to be F for everyone, they would have just given everyone 10K. I'm on my toes today. Matt Sirk for 10. Let's not forget,

Pell Grant recipients actually got 20K off their loans. So thanks for that, Dick. 20 big ones going around the nation. And Dick's paying for it. I already hope they got cancer Thanks for the money Mr. Masterson Mr. Masterson They all have to do it

Pay off my loans The fucking Pellegrini Straight to my home Mike Hunt for 10 The biggest problem is the lie of 3 sets 10 reps Comes from World War 1 to cure muscle atrophy. Two warm-up sets, one set to failure is how they did it. One set to failure is all you need.

Ten second reps. Wait a minute. Let me see. There's got to be a to-be-vary in there that you just said. The biggest problem is the lie of three sets, ten reps. It comes from World War I to cure muscle atrophy. It's not. To warm up sets, one set to failure.

One set to failure is all you need. There's no to be fair there. I think he's literally trying to give you the biggest problem is reps. Really? With weight. The biggest problem is the line of... This is becoming such a meta game now, where if someone

sends a complicated... It comes from World War II... You would hear fair. Look for the word fair. There's no fair. Yeah, so then it's not in there. Well, I don't understand the comment there. Right, dog.

But he's talking about you should do... The common weightlifting strategy is to do three sets... But it makes no sense. ...of 10 reps. Because there's no to be fair in there. Yeah, I don't know know he's just bringing it up because he thinks it's an interesting problem you know how people give us problems

sometimes on this show called biggest problem in the universe okay okay okay okay okay think about ratchet strap stitch ride dog for 10 thanks for the money dick you're welcome gods for five screw student debt forgiveness just make colleges pay for defrauding millions and doing nothing else but churning out violent

communists. Worthless. Kill them in Minecraft. Rich F for five. Tell me one of you saw Midnight Mass on Netflix. The main girl's insane random Degrassi Tyson-esque speech at the end makes me want to visit Greenland. I have not seen Midnight Mass. I saw that in theaters and it was dumb.

I was going to say, isn't that an older movie or am I crazy? Mike Hunter for two. Targeted advertising never suggests targeted erotica. Oh, man. Targeted erotica. That would get complicated. That'd be great. Pete Oxenham for six.

If my phone was like, how do you like Big Big Titties? I'd be like, yeah! That's what I would do every day. Every day? You would never get tired of that? If I hit the coffee thing and it was like, what do you think about big, big titties? I'd be like, whoa! What's up?

What's up? And then my election would be like, wah, wah, wah. That'd be awesome. I don't know if that's... Yeah, that would be exciting. If my fridge shoved titties in my face. No, just have to say like, what's up, big, big, just have to say it. All right.

Okay, whatever. I'm excited. Sorry, that's right. I'm excited. Pete Oxenham for $6.69. Oh, Pete, come on now. Vito, I'm sorry for making you say TBF so many times. As a concession prize, I'll ship you your own soundboard.

Let me know your home address and social security number. What's your social security number? 019-2174. Yeah, 2BF. Rico3220 for five. Two grown men arguing about ratchet straps. Peak. Biggest problem. Yeah, because it's the worst. Because3220 for five. Two grown men arguing about ratchet straps. Peak. Biggest problem.

Yeah, because it's the worst. Because they're the worst. See, he made his name the thing. It's like, come on. TBF for five. I was once talking to a coworker about what it takes to be a voice actor. The next day I was getting ads about becoming a voice actor. Super creepy.

Wow. That is pretty creepy. That's spooky. I don't like that. Snazzy Razz for 10. Vito should start weaponizing these stingers against Dick to start winning. It's true. If I worked in, Dick sucks into the stinger.

Oh, yeah. It could possibly go my way. I've been very even-headed with the stingers. People try to fuck with me. You should. Oh, okay. All right. I've seen how this ends for certain other men in the past. People try to Fuck with me Yeah You should Oh okay Alright I've seen how this ends

For certain other Men in the past Maybe I'll just Stay in my lane John for five Masterson You need to confront These ratcheted

Deep-seated Daddy issues See a doctor For God's sake I agree Mike Hunt for two Ron Swanson was good In Parks and Recreation

Yeah he was the only good part Probably because they let him Write his own stuff David Gomez for two Vitoanson was good In Parks and Recreation Yeah he was the only good part Probably because they let him Write his own stuff David Gomez for two Vito says way more Seriously racist things Yeah Yeah mine are just like

Funny racist things Yeah and I'm just Actually racist The Pokemon guy for ten Vito loved the stings I bet if you used The Pokemon theme song You could make more money

Always with the stinger suggestions I bet if you use the Pokemon. No, it's not in there. Okay. Vote it up. Gotta vote it. You're voting it up. Yeah, it's there.

Is that it? That's all the super chats? David Gomez for two. That's like no super chats. David Gomez with a horrible comment. Vito gave money to the least funny guest. WTF. Oh, that's horrible.

I love Eric. John for two. Eric also had to sit through V guest. WTF. Oh, that's horrible. I love Eric. John for two. Eric also had to sit through Vito and Tony squabble. That's true. That was great. We paid him for that. And now you were on Eric July's show. That was great that you did that. It all goes around. Hopefully some people came

over from his show, but I doubt they did because they're idiots. Spider Eternal for five What if I did Blackface? Go on. I'm Eric July. Hey, everyone. No, no. Thanks for coming to my... Okay. Well, now that you've explained why you want to do Blackface, my answer is... I'm being Eric July. No, don't.

No. Why? I feel like that's... I have a comic book too. I'm going to say in the top five ideas, I'm not putting Let's Do Eric July Blackface. Although, fear of blackface voted up,

as we say. Spider Eternal for five. Allow student loan repayments to be written off limitlessly, not $2,600 a year. No printing of money, effortless, and precisely why

they don't do it. Crab Zula for five. Vito, did you use dick's money to tip eric's uber driver i did not give the tip just the tip now i give him a flat you fucking 30 we'll get those last minute super chats in uh soberoon soberum for 279 veto should consider greenland i hear it's a lovely country. David Gomez for $10.

My dad's an old Mexican, and he used ropes. I still sweat when I have to use a ratchet strap. Yes! I guess it's inherent to guys who go outside. Yes! It's fucking traumatizing. You've got to talk to somebody about this. No, you don't!

Not me. Because even your dad probably doesn't know how to teach you it, right? Yeah. You don't know how to use a fucking your dad probably doesn't know how to teach you it. Right? Yeah. You don't know how to use a fucking ratchet strap. Okay. I guarantee you can use it. It doesn't make you feel more comfortable? If I had a gun to your head, you could not use it. Is it going to make you feel better if I don't know how to use a ratchet strap?

Is that what you need to hear? Nothing will make me feel better. Dick, you're the best at using ratchet straps. No, because I know it's a lie. You're so good. It's not true. There's no one who could... It's just so fucking complicated. There's no one who could. Which is so fucking complicated.

There's no one who ratchets as much as you. And the thing never catches. Seth Johnson for 10. Sober buzzkill Karens who go out and feel the need to let everyone know that they think the drunk people around them are annoying and unfunny when they're actually very cool and very funny. Shut up, you bitch. Mike Hunt for five.

I'm genuinely saying any more than one set Provides no additional benefit And leads to tendon damage Do one slow set That's what he's recommending in the wait room Give us one last refresh Any last minute super chats we're gonna see I do want to thank of course

Our supporters for the month of August The Veto Files And the Dickhead Pluses It's okay there that is And we did get one last for the month of August. Oh, yeah. The Veto Files and the Dickhead Pluses. Sorry. It's okay. There that is. And we did get one last.

A couple more Super Chats. Real quick. This is going to be our last ones. Ruby C for five. Can we get Dick Masterson at Podcast Movement? Did you hear about that? Ben Shapiro triggered an entire podcast conference just by showing up. What?

There's a podcast conference going on right now and Ben Shapiro, like, Daily Wire's there, but Ben Shapiro's not supposed to be there, but he showed up for about five minutes and all these people started tweeting, as a trans person, I'm very upset to see Ben Shapiro and I might die. And then they apologized and they're like, we're sorry, Ben Shapiro was there for five minutes. And it was like a whole

fucking thing. Oh. I'm gonna go as a Palestinian Ben Shapiro. Ruby C says... Wait i'm gonna wait a minute wait a minute what do you what do you mean you're moving on so fast because i said palestine what if i do like ben shapiro but i painted myself like negative colors and then had a yarmulke right and then i walked around like all tiny do you think that would be cool? I like you better when you were talking about ratchet strapstick. Well, Dick, I feel like I gotta give this one to the fans. Okay.

It would be funnier than the Ben Shapiro drama, to be fair. Oh, okay. I suck. There you go, guys. Goodbye. There's one to take you home. Wait. Mm, mm, mm. I suck, Hawks. There you go, guys.

There you go. Goodbye. There's one to take you home. And of course, Gentleman Sausage for five. Al Lord ultimately has all your money. Get it back from him. Guys, thanks to all our supporters.

Biggestproblem.show. Thank you. Don't forget to join us at patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Check out the bonus episodes and get your name on the list of supporters.

Thanks to all the veto file pluses and dickhead pluses. We love you your name on the list of supporters. Thanks to all the Vito File Pluses and Dickhead Pluses. We love you guys over on Discord and everything else. What a show! Vote it up. You've got to vote. Vote. Vote it up. Vote it up.

Vote it up. Vote it up. Vote it up. If you don't vote, I'll fuck your cat. That's good. I'm glad you liked that. I love it. Ratchet straps, huh?