The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 55

Episode Date: September 12, 2022

Social Media, Too Many Dicks on the Dance Floor, Celebrity Bands

Okay, you were saying something about Mr. I'm the worst guy to know. Oh, Mr. Girl's been banned from YouTube and everybody should uh Support him on patreon Nazi yes, well, why are you gonna if you think someone's a Nazi? Why would you piss them off? Okay, is that the rule well is he a Nazi or not? If I saw Hitler walking down the street, I wouldn't go kick his dog and say fuck you Well he didn't kick Nick Fuentes' dog. He just said.

I'd say, how you doing, Mr. Hitler? Hope you're having a good day. Clearly, Mr. Fuentes has some ideas for the nation that maybe the Jewish population would not agree with. Yeah, but he's anti-women. So you got to take the good with the bad sometimes. There's a lot of anti-women people. I don't understand. Not at his level.

I do not understand your love of Fuentes. I know it's ironic in a way. I just explained it to you. It's not ironic at all. It's clearly ironic. Hi. Because I know you don't want a Christian nation or whatever the fuck. As long as women are subjugated. I mean, what can't I do in a Christian nation?

I can't do drugs. Legally. I don't know. I can't fuck whores legally. Yeah. That's a problem. I can't call drugs legally. I don't know. I can't fuck whores legally. Yeah. That's a problem. I can't call, can I call women fat in a Christian nation? Because I can't do that. I think you can get that one.

I get to do that? Yeah. Look, I don't like this one. I mean, you're not going to be able to see what they look like because they're going to be wearing frocks to disguise their- They should be wearing a box. So we don't have to see any of them. wearing women have you seen that i got a fat watch for you have you seen the uh new uh poison ivy design oh tell me they fucking fat they took it yeah they made a yeah that's poison ivy from the batman comics i'm a big old lady.

I think I'll send you a picture later. She's the landscaper truck that shows up at your house on Saturday morning. More like a thick woman, though. She looks good. Come on with that. Some big women look good. Where you're distracted from their fatness by the boobies, right? Well, that's a big part of it. I mean, they got a big dump truck ass and huge boobies.

Like, what am I going to say? You got to target that stomach fat? A big dump truck ass with a bunch of cottage cheese spilling out the back. No, no, no. That's bad. There's some who have. Spanx. Spanx factory back there.

Oh, the Spanx factory. Some fat women, you slap their ass and it takes a couple seconds for them to tell you Oh wow like a brontosaurus Probably isn't even real the brontosaurus thing It's like the Jurassic Park water drop Leaving ripples They ruined Poison Ivy then Now that she's a lesbian with Harley Quinn

Well The lesbian stuff is fun I don't know it's weird It's weird that Harley Quinn went from Joker's girlfriend to Joker. Well, let's not put labels on. Okay. Well, she's a lady that hung around and committed crimes with the Joker. All right.

Well, it's just interesting that her character now has to be like a strong, independent woman who goes, I don't need no Joker and whatever else. See, Nick Fuentes would put a stop to that. No, he wouldn't. I don't see what is not to like about Nick Fuentes. He says what he speaks what he says. Take it up with Mr. Girl. Oh, look who it is.

Come on in, Carl. Come on in, Jenny Jingles. Pull up at 15 past the hour. You know we have traffic in L.A.? Have you heard of it? Yeah, people told me that before. Did the Bills win today at least? They won last night.

Oh, did they win last night? Yeah, they blew out the Rams. It was very exciting. You know how tiny you look on the thing. Why do I have the tiny camera? It's kind of funny, actually. I see where I'm lined up to now. Sorry, guys. It's all right.

I got into my Uber, and the guy, I go, well, you know, I'm supposed to get there at 6. He goes, oh, yeah, it says we'll get there by 6. I go, oh, yeah, okay. We'll see about that. Even I don't want to go in my Uber driver. I'm like, yeah, I doubt it. Yeah. I mean, usually when I can't make a show, I give, you know, like three, four days notice.

Three, four hours notice. Here we go. It's fine. Hi, Vito. Good to see you, buddy. Hi, Carl. I'm excited to have you here, buddy. Yeah, buddy.

Can you hit your mic for a second? Let me see it. Hey, check one, two. Check one, two. Saying things into the mic. Saying things into the mic. Test one. Test one. Are we on YouTube? We are currently live on YouTube. But the show hasn't started, right? I mean, that's kind of an existential question, really.

When does the show start or end? How do we know? Do I sound okay? I don't know. Do I sound okay? I think you sound low. Yeah, I also think you sound slow. Do I need to project more? People told me I'm quiet when I talk. Maybe you just need to... Really?

Does he just need to get the mic? Does he just need to get the mic under him a little more? I don't know why Sean refuses to let me upgrade his thing. He likes it. Oh, it's his fault? All right, that makes sense. Okay. But the thing is the export gets everything into the red line anyway.

So it should all be the same. This is going to be a dickhead thing to say, but I just got here. Could I get like a beer or something? Oh, please. I'm so sorry. I don't ever care about any audience enough to withhold a beer from someone. Okay.

That's why we get along. There's a fridge right there behind Vito. I don't know if there's good beers in there. It's not a Vito fridge. Vito's not allowed to look in it. It's going to be trapped for Vito. I'll take a look. I like that you said that there's good beers in there.

I don't need good beers. That's not what I'm looking for here. Just a beer. Perfect. Tecate's perfect. That fridge is cold, too. Is there something for Jenny Jingles? You want something, Jen?

There's a bunch of... There's a bunch upstairs and in the yard. There's a ton of beer in the yard. There are drinks. Go jump off the balcony. There's tons of drinks out there. In the front yard. It smells really bad.

Follow the smell. Which you may have noticed on your way in. Do you have a problem? I do, yeah. You know which show this is, right? Yeah, I'm familiar. I brought a problem. In fact, I told Vito, he came on Who Are These Podcasts.

I told him I am bringing The biggest problem In the universe Oh my god I called my shot Yeah that's a call You're not doing Like an irony thing

Where you bring in Like a really dumb Nick brought in Like a sandwich problem Yeah that's a pretty bad one Although people Made it positive He was like

Shitty Subway sandwiches And I was like Why are you eating At Subway to begin with But apparently He lives in a Catholic town And that's all they got

Nick Fuentes You're big on him right Oh my god Why do we have I don't follow Nick Fuentes No Smart

What the hell I'm sure he's fine I know my friend Anthony Cumia Is a big fan of his Yeah okay Anthony Cumia He goes on Anthony's show

I know that He does Oh yeah Two great tastes together Fuentes goes on Anthony's show, I know that He does? Oh yeah Two great tastes together Fuentes goes on Q- What, are you going to start hating on him? I don't hate on him Because he's not black

No, no, I have nothing to do with that Are you guys ready to do a show? Yes Let's get into it I should have been on the trigger for that one You can't Yeah I forgot how to do this it. I should have been on the trigger for that one. Oh, yeah. I forgot how to do this.

Biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From women who aren't funny

to zoomers stealing my money. I'm your host, Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi. Special guest, just in the nick of time. He shows up. The big man. The tour man. How many live shows you do?

Carl from Who Are These Podcasts. Thanks, Dick. Thanks for having me. Wow. King of all media. We're at Venice Beach today, and we're sitting at a bar, and Jen goes, my wife Jen goes, let's get another round. Yeah, it's three o'clock.

We got time. We got tons of time. We got tons of time. Wrong. It's only six miles away. Wrong. You can walk there and miss an amount of time. Holy shit.

I know. I could have jogged here and gotten here on time. Probably. Yeah. I can't believe you went to Venice today and now you're doing something. If I go to Venice, then I'm done for about a week and a half. I'm like, no, I'm too tired. I went to a football game last night. I went to Venice beach today. I'm going out with Larry Blyden or after this, I got a full schedule LA experience. It sounds like you're going to see Tony Sp're getting a whole L.A. experience, it sounds like. Are you going to see Tony Spumanti? No, I'm not planning on doing that.

Where are you guys going? Where are you and Larry going? We're going to Casa Verda. You got a long drive ahead of you, sir. Casa Verga? Is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Casa Verga.

Yes, the House of Cox. Yes. It might not be. Casa Verga it might be. Yes. You should check out Casa Vega Where's Casa Vega? North Hollywood Yeah, North Hollywood

That sounds right That might be okay Although it's Friday We'll see The Vergas are going to be out The Chupa Vergas are going to be out The exciting This isn't about my schedule in LA, guys

This is about the biggest problem I want to bring something up real quick. You guys are doing a bonus show, and I subscribe to Patreon.com slash the biggest problem, of course. Thank you. Big fan. Thank you. And you guys were talking at the beginning of the show about my Patreon support. Yeah. And Vito

was trying to figure out, why does he have so much Patreon support? And Dick goes, I don't know, maybe people hate Suttering John. Neither of you guys said, maybe it's a great show people love. A lot of people hate Stuttering John. Neither of you guys said, maybe it's a great show people love. A lot of support. Enjoy bonus episodes. Neither of you even thought that was a possibility. Could it just be a popular show that people enjoy and want to support?

No. No, there's got to be something to it. There's some kind of a trick that you're doing. I don't know how. It's voodoo, right? When they feel bad for you Or something You know That's what I think that's what you guys said

What is it really? Yeah what's the It's a fun popular show People enjoy Who are these podcasts Specifically though What do they enjoy We make

We laugh at jerks Every Twice a week So that's the trick We laugh at jerks We need to roast more people On the show We're too nice

We're too nice That's the problem That is the problem We need to startks. We need to roast more people on the show. We're too nice. That's the problem. That is the problem. We need to start. Well, no, we are very, I'm proud of your Patreon success because it is a good show. See how hard it is for me to say that? What? Yeah, I'm brown and red. You can't be happy for other people.

I'm very happy. You can't be happy for other people. I was looking at your numbers before the show and I go, this is great. The show is growing. I think you're other people. I remember looking at your numbers before the show, and I go, this is great. The show is growing. I think you're fued. We were looking at your numbers. Vito was looking at them obsessively and malding about it. You know, because I'm interested in how much people grow and whatever else.

How? And it seems like you've got a good thing going. I think you've got some good drama. I don't know if I should name who it's with. Stuttering John? Good old Stuttering John. Are you getting sued by that guy? Yeah, so he sent me a cease and desist.

He's telling me that he's going to sue me. What's great is that he's been going on this whole trip lately. Yeah. And now Shuley from the Howard Stern show is in on it. Anthony Cumia is in on it. Everyone is hammering. You're drawing in the entire extended leftover Howard Stern universe. Everyone is hammering this guy now.

It's great. Yeah. I love it. I'm envious. He deserves everything he gets. You go too hard. On who? You go too hard on people and they don't respond. You look like an ankle biter.

Carl gets like, he ropes him in. Well, it's funny. John is like pathetic. I had Danny Polishchuk on my show this past week and he brought up a great point. It's like last action hero. It started out. I was just watching John shown commenting on it.

Now I'm in his show. Like every episode he's talking about me specifically and about lawsuits and season. It's like all this crazy shit. I'm like, wait a second. I'm a part of the show now. How did this happen? Well,

I was just on an episode. I believe it was episode three 41. Yeah. Yeah. So people want to check that out. Yeah. I showed up. Whatever.

I missed. He invited me previously and I gave him plenty of warning. And then you did the show anyway. So it doesn't even matter. This is my time. The end justifies the means. This guy. You're 15 minutes late to my show, Mr. Venice Beach.

So Vito, what actually happened was because I'm really talented, I made it a good show anyway, even though you let me down. Well, I just filled 15 minutes of dead air, so I guess we both have our crosses to bear. Fortunately, I have some connections. I know Dick Matherson. I was able to make a good show out of it without you showing up. I know Nick Fuentes, too. Have you ever met that guy?

Oh, yeah, you're friends with that guy? Oh, my God. What did I miss? What's the Nick Fuentes conversation? Everyone just always picks on that guy. Yeah, of course. He's just a guy who wants the country to be better. Oh my god This is why What did I miss? This is why I can't guess Everyone just always Picks on that guy Yeah of course And he's just a guy

Who wants the country To be better That's all He's just a guy Who denies the holocaust So what? I mean not outwardly He's just a guy

Who wants the country To be better Because that's annoying Calm down Calm down Right He just makes jokes Anyway his followers

Got one of my friends Banned from YouTube It's a whole thing Oh is that what's going on? If you think someone's a Nazi, don't fuck with them. False flagging. Okay. I mean, right?

Yeah. By the way, historically, don't fuck with Nazis. That doesn't end well, you know? Somebody's got to fuck with them. The Russians fucked with them. Well, eventually. They had a lot of guys. Yeah, eventually they did, but.

All right. All right. Are we ready for Last week I'm rusty On the soundboard Student debt Repayment That was a good one

Winner Yeah You're on a Streak and a half My friend Female comedy writers Any other week I would have said

You deserve the gold On that one Sometimes the headline Grabbers Like the big news Is the way to go Sometimes women Is the headline grabbers, like the big news, is the way to go. Sometimes women is the way to go. Those are the two winning strategies

I've identified. Creepy targeted ads. That should have been higher. That was a good one. Ratchet straps came in way down. Way down. That wasn't good. That wasn't a good one.

Oh, I think we had a great discussion on ratchet straps. No. You couldn't? No. Okay. We should have a ratchet great discussion right now. No. You couldn't? No. Okay. That's what I... We should have a ratchet strap race, too.

I... No. I think you just need to get over... You want to double down on your shitty problem? That's the wrong strategy. No one liked this one. Let's do it some more. Everybody who voted it down needs to show me a video of them doing a ratchet strap and

fucking it up. Can you stop defining people's manhood by whether or not they can ratchet strap something? This is toxic masculinity. Let's get back into penis size. Yeah, penis size. That's classic. That's a good one. I don't know.

Look at a bunch of guys' dicks and I don't take their word for it. Biggest car, coolest car. No, man. How would your balls hang? That's a good one. Everyone can get down with that. How annoying your girlfriend is. That's the...

Oh, mama. You're winning that one your girlfriend is That's the Oh mama You're winning that one Oh That's a joke Cause you know She would hurt you I know That's why

I see you Undermine your Okay Zach Owens says There's no good takes On student loan forgiveness What an idiot Here's the good take

Don't Don't do it I don't wanna pay for it Send a written apology To Dick's PO box. Yeah, to me. Let's see. I got another one.

Benjamin Swearingen says, I owed $20,000 in student loans. My wife owed $16,000. Now we only owe $451. Thanks for the money, Dick. Boom. You're welcome. I'm going to be honest, Pineapple Man says, Vito, I wasn't a fan of you at first because of the flagging stuff that you did.

Which I didn't do. But you make the show way more fun than Maddox did, and I have come around. Oh, thank you. So there is one guy. That's good enough. One guy likes me. One at a time. I got to win him one at a time.

Ashen says, Vito, if you're really messing with Indian scammers, then you're burning money by not recording it and uploading it to YouTube. The problem is that I should record it, but I get a lot of scam calls, and it's just fun to fuck with them. Yeah. You've got to record that shit. I know. I should because I get into some tiffs. Weeblord says the last caller on the last episode was the best caller.

When was that? Did you have a— Oh, on the call-in show? Yeah. How did that go? I said, what's the biggest problem in the universe? And he said, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Oh, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. He went, okay, well, this has been a great call-in show. You didn't screen anybody? How do I screen? I can't screen. What am I going to do? You just go, take them on, and you're like, hey, are you going to say that anyway?

No, I won't say that. There's no way. That works every time. They're like time like ah he got me all right i'll hang up now they will they will uh anus man what go ahead i was gonna say it was a great call and show we had a lot of fun a couple technical difficulties at the beginning but we i gave you a super chat moved them out and yes my first time ever super chatting someone on youtube i had to get to my paypal and. And what did I say in my super chat? I think you called me the F slur.

No. No. No. I said, here's $2. Make sure it all goes to Dick Masterson. I didn't hear about that. Yeah, of course you didn't. Oh, take the $2 out of the fund.

The last time he did one of these shows without me, I came back with a bill from Mr. Girl saying that he wanted a third of the Super Chat money. I didn't approve that. I didn't approve it. I would be counting it as we go here. I'm going to want a third as well. Oh, fuck. I know it's 30% off the top,

and then I want a third after that. I know that part. Oh, Mr. Girl, I gave him gross. Oh, gross. You gave him gross? Yeah, I gave him gross. It's like a 20% cut to go see you two. Plus, you got the income tax. Dude, you fucked up. Oh, that gross! You gave him gross? Yeah, I gave him gross. That's a 20% cut to go see YouTube. Plus, you got the income tax.

Dude, you fucked up. Oh, my God. Didn't even 1099 him. He's getting rich off this show. Well, Nick Fuentes got him back. Yeah, I guess. Nick the Knife got him. He ended up losing out in the end.

Anus Master says, Vito doesn't own a truck or trailer and thus never actually use ratchet straps. I've used ratchet straps. It's bullshit. Okay, explain them then. I've used ratchet straps. It's bullshit. Okay, explain them then. I've already explained them. You take the strap, you feed it through the fucking loop, and you crank it. Hey, welcome to Ratchet Strap Talk.

Even when used correctly, they take forever and get tangled. Okay, I think that's all I got here. All right. Somebody else. I actually don't know. I haven't decided On my problem Well don't worry about it

Dick Cause we've got a segment First Vote it up Okay Let me see It's this one I think Vote it up

Oh you know just where to go Vote at biggestproblem.show Oh who's gonna win? Jizzwaldy or Masterson? Vote it up! Come on, bitches, just go and vote. If you don't, then I'll slash your throat. Dismember your

corpse, throw it off a boat. Vote it up! Gotta vote it up! Gotta vote it up! Yeah! Vote it up folks! Vote it up folks! What was all that corpse stuff?

It's not even Pokemon related. I don't know, maybe it went off the rails a little bit. What was the one that you said was not good and that this is definitely the good one? This one had a little more chorus I thought. Okay. one had a little more chorus I thought Okay It got a little aggressive Well I want people to vote

I got it Maybe I got strong With the wording But I think people understand What I'm trying to say We're still dealing with cuties Well And you're throwing in

Pokemon Death and rape threads All I'm saying guys Is that we got a lot of problems On the show And one of the things you can do Is go to the board at biggestproblem.show

and vote up problems from past episodes. One of those problems, of course, was fear of a black elf. The problem I brought in relating to the new Amazon show, The Lord of the Rings,

The Rings of Power. Okay. Well, that show has been viewed by 25 million viewers globally over the initial 24 hours. Amazon says its performance broke all previous records, making the biggest premiere in the history of marketing.

Oh, so you're saying that you were right. Well. Okay. Let's hear it. Critics do say that these self-reported metrics can be unreliable, but clearly the show is a big hit despite having black elves. So suck it. Another problem we had, of course,

was nuclear phone. Eric July's comic comes out and it's like Citizen Kane. If it's really good, I'm going to be blown away. You better really kiss his ass. I will give it a fair review once it is bootlegged and available. How would you know if a comic book is good or not?

You can tell. None of them are good. The comics are fucking stupid. Except for Super Killer. tell None of them are good None of them are good Comics are fucking stupid Comics are fucking stupid Except for Super Killer Except for Super Killer Thank you The rest of them are all stupid

I don't know how to stroke my ego Yeah Another great problem is nuclear phobia Brought in by the great doctor Kevin P. Hickerson We gotta get him back No I brought that in Right

But he brought in the social mind virus You're right But he was a nuclear physicist. You guys kind of double teamed. I brought it in. Regardless, he was a great guest. Well, nuclear power, Dick, is actually growing in popularity as the globe faces a major energy shortage. Isn't that exciting?

In California, the legislature is now considering a new bill that would extend the life of the state's last nuclear plant which was scheduled to be shut down in 2025 yeah you can extend that by five years potentially in germany which was set to shutter its remaining nuclear plants they're now considering whether to take keep some open as they face energy shortages due to the russian natural gas imports plunging and even in japan the prime minister has called for reopening idle nuclear reactors as part of a broader shift towards nuclear power. Isn't that exciting? Yeah. I can't wait to send Ukraine all of our gas and stuff. Well, that's working. Isn't that going to be fun?

Yeah. Are you ready for that, you guy? Send them our gas because they need it to power their tanks and their guns and their guns and their bombs. For whatever reason. Don't you think? I think they they deserve it are fighting boys in Ukraine. Well, don't forget Nazis to vote. Oh, who's gonna win? Giswaldi or Masterson?

Vote it up. Come on, bitches. Just go and vote. If you don't, then I'll slash your throat. Dismember your corpse. Throw it off a boat.

Vote it up. Gotta vote it up. Gotta vote it up. Gotta vote it up. Gotta vote it up. Yeah. Okay. What a stinger. Here's my problem. What's your problem, Dick?

Long stingers. No, that's not a problem. Late. Go ahead. Late. Go ahead. It's my fault. I should have said leave right away when you land.

Correct. I should have left from the game last night and just come here. Yeah. Did I get an invite to that game? No. Okay. Just making sure you didn't miss it. Are you a football fan? No. I didn't think you were a sports. So I didn't include you. You invited me to

a Latin dance party. I appreciate that. I was too busy celebrating with my fellow Bills fans at a bar after the game. Hey, Carl, you want to hit up this Latin dance party that we're going to? I know that. I can see you there. Totally. Usually.

Speaking of, too many dicks on the dance floor. That's my problem. Too many dicks on the dance floor. I just got back from Burning Man. I hate talking about it. Everyone hates hearing about it. But let me tell you a tale of a promised land full of pairs and gangs of women roaming around helplessly, eager to be entertained, scantily clad in the middle of the desert. Where nothing bad is going to happen to them, but they know the implication is there, right?

Destroyed. Totally gone! Because there's too many dicks on the dance floor. Carl, you're from New York? I am. You've been here for how long in L.A.? Wednesday. Feel the dicks on the dance floor in L.A. There's too many dicks on the freeway, let alone the dance floor.

We've got so many dicks on the dance floor in L.A. that they're living under the fucking freeway. And there's nothing we can do to get rid of them because we've got too many dicks on the dance floor in LA that they're living under the fucking freeway. And there's nothing we can do to get rid of them. Because we've got too many dicks on the dance floor. They're literally pitching a tent. That's how many dicks there are. Pitching tents everywhere. Fucking up the vibe.

Yes. Getting too amped up. Not getting laid. Fucking rock hard. Jizzing salt into the earth everywhere they go. Because that's the only thing they know how to do. We need to be sending men to the Ukraine to fight the Nazis or whatever.

Get them out of here. World War III, IV, V, VI, whatever. Get them out. Anyone dumb enough to sign up is fucking gone. I need the ratio to go from, like, 6 to 4 to 10 to 1. I'm talking mind-shap-gaff. Vito, he's lost me. What 10 to one. I'm talking mind. Shep gap. Vito.

He's lost me. What's the problem? I'm so confused. Too many men. Too many fucking men. Too many men. Even at the fucking Latin dance party last night. I'm like one,

two, three, four. I lose count. When you lose count, that's when there's too many. It's like counting cards, right?

You know, you put a queen down. That's one, two, it's minus one. Yeah, sure. dicks, I'm like dick, dick, one, two, three, four, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, too many dicks! So you're saying the ratio you'd like to- You'd like to see the ratio adjust? I mean it would, I, imagine a society that was like 60% women, 40% men. That would be... I don't ever want to see a dickhead... I was in the monkeypox showers, showering.

We were showering each other in the group monkeypox showers. I'm like, what am I even doing here? Why am I in a gay monkeypox communal shower with a bunch of guys? How many guys got into this shower? Like, I don't know, a lot. Too many. Didn't you set up the shower? Wasn't that your thing?

I messed that up. Yeah. I messed it up big time. I messed it up big time. You need to put a sign on it that said, like, no dicks in here. This is a lady shower. No, then the dicks are like, no dicks? Oh, there must be a lot of ladies in there. I'm gonna hit that up immediately. Yeah, it is weird that your instinct was,

what if I set up a shower in the middle of the desert? No, I went to a gay bears camp and used their communal shower. Oh, how was that? Too many dicks. Yeah, you went to a bear camp. How was that? It was gay. What do you mean, how was that?

There was only two broads there. Yeah. Were there any broads in the bear camp? And we brought both of them. Oh, you brought the ladies. I obviously don't know. I clearly misunderstood what was happening there I mean it sounds like You're manufacturing

Your own too many Dick situations By inviting yourself Into gay camps Maybe that would rectify Why don't you Honestly that's not Where you made the mistake

Okay Women love gay guys Exactly Yes Exactly That's a smart move Exactly Because they feel

Right at home with that They have to stare at dicks And no one's going to attack them They love it Yes No They're not going to be raped Right While they're getting a drinkicks and no one's going to attack them. They love it. Yes. No, they're not going to be raped while they're getting a drink.

The bartender's not going to rape them. They try to suck a dick and the guy's like, no, don't do that. They're like, I've never heard this before. What's going on? They love it. Yeah, they love it. They love hearing no. It's exotic for them. Okay. So what do you want to do about this? So the problem is... Kill all men. Is that not

obvious? I need to get rid of them. Send them to the Ukraine. I think that's a good solution. Is this the biggest solution episode? I don't think that is a good solution. I don't think that's helpful. If something happens, you know, we all feel so bad. We're going to build them a dumb little cemetery off the freeway.

Did you see that thing? No. Oh, God, is it heartbreaking? Why is there a cemetery? What are you talking about? The World War II cemetery? Remember at the end of Saving Private Ryan? Yeah. That cemetery is like right next to the 405

next to UCLA. Most expensive real estate in the fucking world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did pass by that. Wasted on a bunch of dum-dums. Dum-dums? Those are American fucking... That's the last generation. Jesus Christ. I don't know. Dum-dums is the right word. Take them up. Too many dicks.

There we go again. Too many dicks on the dance floor in this cemetery. What does she want? Do you want him dead or do you want him on the dance floor? I thought this was a solution. Come in the ocean. Put the cemetery somewhere. You think you'll still have a Bin Laden treatment? You probably can't have so many dicks and then you're going at the dead people.

Yeah, that's the solution. Too many dicks everywhere. Yeah. Okay? Any location you can think of, there's too many dicks there. Well, except for universities. You're right. Go to the solution. There's too many dicks everywhere. Yeah. Okay? Any location you can think of, there's too many dicks there. Well, except for universities. Except for... You're right.

Go to the university. That's where all the women are. Exactly. Where you have to pay... Excuse me. I have to pay for you. No, we pay for it, right? You and I.

So even a 22-year-old can go fuck all the girls at the university. Great. What the fuck are we doing? Yeah, why are we doing this? I didn't vote for this, by the way. I just see it now. Who voted for this? What do you mean?

What did I vote for exactly? You voted. You voted so that we could pay for 22-year-olds to get their dick sucked at college. Are you talking about the fucking student loan redemption? What does it sound like we're talking about? I don't know. You blame me for everything. It could be anything at this point.

Oh, here we go. You voted for Carl and I to pay for young men to go into whore island, whore-tropolis, like a fucking prison just full of horned up- Don't you want young men to have that opportunity? And they're the skinniest they've ever been in their lives. No. No. I want me to have that opportunity.

Well, I care about the young men of this nation, and I voted for them, and you're welcome. That's gay. I know it's gay, and that's why I did it. You love it. Probably I do love too many dicks on the dance floor No, I don't read are you a cuck you want to watch other guys fuck girls? What's going on with you right now? You should get a little some don't we want to elevate the young men are Vision contest to try and get people laid. What the fuck are you talking about? Those guys are all way far away. I didn't accept anybody in LA for that contest.

You set that up, okay? That was a trick. That was a trick. The last interstate versions forever. They'd be the happiest men in the world. Yo, you... Bullshit. I think that it's great that our colleges are filled with women

for these men to entice and enchant. What? I had a gender ratio map, but I messed it up. What is it, by location? Yeah, I had it. Oh, that's interesting. I didn't give you enough time to prepare? I'm sorry.

You know what? I could have it later. My bad. Anyway, I don't have it on me. They kill all the women for some reason? Like, what country's the worst? Brazil? I don't know.

China. China. China would be bad. We mean Brazil. It's China where they kill the women. Oh, Brazil's got all sorts of crime. They kill everybody. I don't believe that shit.

What do you mean? I think the women are lying about that. I think Chinese women made that up. Oh. And there's so many of them that men are like, I don't know if that's true. Because 90% of the population never get laid in China. Yeah. They're all incels over in China.

Really? 90%? Yeah, it's crazy. I saw a doc on it. So that's interesting. Your theory is that women pretend there's no women out there. So they don't have to fuck any of these guys. So they don't have to fuck any of those guys.

Exactly. Too many. China. Number one. What's the worst? The worst countries. Too many dicks on the dance floor. China, number one. Number one. North Korea. Number two, probably. All of the Middle East. Too many

dicks on the dance floor. And then it gets better and better. I don't want to sound like I'm coming off as pro-women either. This is honestly the most convoluted Problem I've ever heard on the show There's a lot of different branching paths To take from the too many dicks

It's universities, it's China, it's the Middle East Look at how many guys It all fits together man They're trying to make your fucking kids gay And the frogs Dude, Alaska, that is a problem Alaska is a hundred and six All these guys who are already convex, that's why they live in Alaska.

Yeah. And then you go, hey, here you go. Live here. And there's no women. Oh, that's going to go well. Basically, my life is what they're experiencing. Wyoming, North, all these places would be great. But just look, there's no fucking broads at all.

All the way down. I think Nevada would have a good number of women. You know what? This is actually against your point. Most states have more women than men. The majority of states have more women than men. Why did you pull this off?

Well, I didn't look at it first, Carl. I just typed in my problem space statistics I got done for nine years. What do you want to see? What do you want to see when you walk into the club? Okay? A bunch of fucking guys hooting and hollering like assholes?

No. Are they playing Magic the Gathering? That could be fun. Get the hell out of here. We play board games and stuff. I feel like male companionship. What does Chagat always say? We need more close male bonding or whatever the hell.

I can't believe you're not more popular on the show. I know. Quoting Chagat, of course, the one of the great thinkers of our time. That's my problem. What a problem. Too many dicks on the dance floor. Too many dicks on the dance floor. How was the party last night?

There was some talent there or no? Yeah. Yeah. There's a girl performing and then uh there was a girl comedian before oh really oh those are uh no there was a couple was she okay there no i'm saying the lady comedian uh yeah she was hilarious that's good a lot of times when a lady comedian gets on stage i'm like oh there's like two ways this could go well she's talking about like sucking guys dicks.

I'm like, all right, that's funny. I like hearing about that. So I don't know if it's funny or not, but. Sure. Yeah. Talk a little bit more about that. Talk a little. And then she was like saying like, I'm just like this chick with huge tits.

I'm like, hmm, interesting. Why do I feel like the comedy was not the big draw of this attraction? The setup is the payoff. It's perfect. Yeah, it's the perfect show. She took off all her clothes. She was shaking her tits around. What point did the comedy happen?

Maybe she wasn't a comedian after all. You know what? Actually, she was a stripper. My bad. The best female comedian I ever saw. She said nothing. Just took off all her clothes. Didn't even have the microphone.

She was a good performer. Good performer. I would see her act again. Good. You should have gave her a plug you don't even know her name Could have got her on the show I see what you're saying Carl do you want to do the guest sandwich

Carl has the best problem in the universe I do How are you going to beat too many dicks on the dance floor Yeah that's an impossible one to ever surmount It's like the new ratchet straps I'll tell you guys I was going to bring the internet As the biggest problem in the universe.

But you know what? It's a little too broad. Yeah, it is broad. You got to zoom in on these things a little bit in order to focus on what the real problem is. The internet's a spring. And I realized it's not the internet. It's social media. Okay.

Wow. Social media is the biggest problem In the universe In the universe Social media No he narrowed in Dick He got very narrow Very narrow Okay

Alright let me read you some stats Cause I got some stats for you Okay According to UC Davis Suicide is the second leading cause of death Among people ages 10 to 24 And it's been increasing every year since 2007 Yeah

The rate of suicide for those 10 to 24 increased nearly 60% between 2007 and 2018, according to the CDC. Yeah, but is it mostly men? Because if so, that would be a benefit to Dixpro. According to the Wall Street Journal. Go ahead. This was the title of the article,

Facebook Knows Instagram is Toxic for Teen Girls Company Documents Show. That's from September of 2021. Their own internal studies know that it's bad. And in the article, it says 32% of teen girls said that they felt bad about their bodies and Instagram

made them feel worse. What are you talking about? That's great. Keep them eating disorders. We have to fight the McDonald's and the Grubhub with eating disorders. I knew you would say this. I also knew he would say this. I knew you would say this.

Yeah, go on. Go on. But what I think is interesting, you know what doesn't make you suicidal when you're a teenager? Smoking and drinking. You know what you can't do when you're a teenager? Smoke or drink. You can use Instagram all day long. Totally legal.

Totally fine. The worst thing for you is Instagram, but that's the one thing they allowed. When asked about children and mental health, CEO Mark Zuckerberg said at a congressional hearing in March of 2021, the research that we've seen is that

using social apps to connect with other people can have a positive mental health benefits. So he's lying. Their own internal population in general can have. It mental health benefits. So he's lying on their own internal general can have a cat, right? Their own internal studies and research shows. And it doesn't a study on the impact of social media on undergraduate college students showed that the longer they use Facebook,

the stronger was their belief that others were happier than they were. But the more time the students spent going out with their friends, the less they felt that way. Yeah, it does create a distortion effect, you know? And after all that. I have that all the time. Like, I see all this fun Carl's always having. And I'm like, this fucker's always at Bill's games.

I'm trying to get you to kill yourself. That doesn't work on me, though, because I look at that stuff. Yeah, you see Eric July's fucking Kickstarter. It's different. That's different That's like measurable Empirical data But when somebody just like

Posts a picture And they're like Oh I did a fucking thing I'm like Ah they're miserable What about Pawnee's Instagram Which is always like That makes me happy

Yeah to a point I'm like well Okay alright You're at another. I can't even pronounce this place. It's insane. Oh, you're on a yacht on the Mediterranean? Oh, neat.

That looks fun. I might enjoy that. But then there's those Instagram influencers, and then wasn't there one recently? And there's no dicks at all on the yacht. That's right. It's just all hot chicks. And I love it when she was on your show, and you're like, do you guys drinking or anything? She's like, the guy said that we drank more tequila than anyone's ever drank on this boat.

You're like, oh, okay. Sounds pretty fun. Yeah, sounds pretty fun. Why aren't you on the boat? Why did I get an invite to that? Why don't you have a boat? That's two things that I, I also want to beat that tequila record. Right. Yeah. We should do a boat trip. That would be fun. What do you, like, what do you mean? Get a party boat, rent it, you know, bunch of guys. That would be fun. Oh, what do you like? What do you mean a party boat rent it? You should pay for us to go on a boat party I go on a booze cruise I'm wondering why don't we do like a dick show booze cruise people would pay for tickets and drink We do bumps outside of an Arby's in our car

Guys do together. A couple beef and cheddars. We sort of rock each other's cars. I don't want to get too far off topic here. After all of that, after we've got all these internal studies, they're pretending don't exist, they're lying to Congress, Facebook decided to build an Instagram app for children under 13. Remember that?

I don't remember that. They were going to build an app for kids. For kids? To learn how to use social media and get into it. Thankfully, people were outraged by this. In May of 2021, attorneys general from 44 states and territories urged Facebook to abandon its plans to create an Instagram service for kids under the age of 13, citing detrimental health effects of social media on children. And Facebook's reportedly checkered past on protecting children on its platform. All right, I get it.

You don't care if kids kill themselves. Whose AG did that? There were 44 different attorneys general. All of them. Yeah, all of them. All the Republican ones. All of them were like, what are you guys doing? You can't build an app for 10-year-olds.

This is not good for them. Let's talk about political ramifications of social media. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. You guys remember when Trump won over Hillary Clinton? Remember that? Yeah. You know?

Yeah. It was the biggest upset in the history of US politics. Yeah, we it was supposed to tear the country apart I thought Truman was Truman not a bigger upset. No, no cuz true was a politician On a reality game show right are you following are you paying attention to this? Are you following this bad away from Trump fair enough? Remember what that was blamed on dick Facebook hacking they that the Russians bought $100,000 worth of ads that, by the way, didn't mention Clinton or Trump in any of the ads. And that was the reason

why he got elected. You don't remember this? What did they buy? What do you mean, what did they buy them? You guys don't remember this? No, I remember it, but I don't remember what they bought. They bought all these ads to sow discord. But what did it say? That actually happened. $100,000 worth of so Discord. But what did it say? That actually happened. $100,000 worth of Facebook ads? You're thinking so Discord in our country?

Yeah. Are you retarded? No, I think $100,000 gets you a lot of Facebook ads. I've bought $100,000 worth of ads for clients of mine, and they didn't win an election. What are you talking about? What ads did they buy? Did they ever find out what they bought? Yeah, I saw examples of them.

What was it? Yeah, it was just like polarizing stuff. Whether it was gun rights or abortion rights or whatever. They were just trying to get people wild up and excited. Where did you get the 100,000 number from? Russia. The news. I'm sorry.

I'm citing reports. Wait, you didn't know this? Yeah, I know. I thought it was a larger number. Vito, 2,000 mules. They must have spent more than $100,000. $100,000. There's no mules.

Shut up. Also, let's talk about this. Twitter has led to the laziest journalism in the history of the world. Okay. Legit news sources quote random tweets from nobodies to paint a narrative that may or may not exist. You see it all the time. Yeah. You're like, oh my gosh,

this person with an egg... Egg ass. Ass egg. Yeah, an egg avatar says, oh, this policy is awful. Who cares? Yeah. It's shit.

They have three followers. Why do I care about that? What are you looking up the fucking quote from the Russian thing? It was 150,000. It was 150,000, but, you know, some of that was spent after the election. Because that was the first number they threw out there as if that makes a difference. Because they spent tens, if not hundreds of millions of dollars on advertising.

But it's not just ads. They also, you know, they have their own disinformation agents. So you do think that Facebook was the reason why Trump was elected? Vote it up. Social media, biggest problem. Thank you, Vito. Yeah, I am agreeing with you. Agreed. Vote it up. Disinformation did problem. Thank you, Vito. I am agreeing with you. Agreed. Vote it up.

Disinformation did happen. Let's talk about killing sprees. What was the disinformation? Just like getting people all pissed off and like crazy. Trump called Rosie O'Donnell a fat pig. What was disinformation about that? That's why me and most people voted for him.

I'm not saying it was the direct cause, but they did influence the election in some way. I'm not blaming it on the Russians. How much? I don't know. What percentage? What percentage of global warming is caused by humans? You can't calculate that.

What about all the companies banding together and fucking Trump over? Well, that's what I'm saying. I'm not even upset that Russia interfered in the election because we interfere in elections also. Like, yeah. Oh, okay. That makes it okay. Well, it is. Cause always we're doing it too.

That's great. It's like a free speech thing. Can Russia not express that they like Trump? Russia doesn't. They didn't. Russia doesn't. Wait, Russia doesn't have free speech. Yeah.

And they didn't say that. None of those ads said vote for Trump. I know they don't have free speech, but I'm saying we can't be. None of those ads said vote for Trump. None of them did. CNN said they were the reason why Trump won. None of the ads said vote for Trump. Alright. Holy shit, this guy. See, shouldn't

you be able to pass a test before you vote? Wait, what test did I not pass? What am I not getting? You know nothing about what's going on. Yes, I do! There was a little bit of misinformation from the Russians. It's well documented. Hey, what's well documented? They interfered with the election a little bit.

Of course they did. They have a $2.8 billion propaganda wing. They're going to do stuff. What did they do? We do the same thing. They created a bunch of Facebook groups. They were posting incendiary things that would get people upset with liberals and whatever else. Oh.

Like it's obvious. Okay. Yeah, it's obvious. All right. Yeah, that makes sense. It's documented. Whatever. It's documented.

Like the Hunter Biden laptop. They generally have that. Like all the mules. Like all the mules that they got out there. There was 2,000 mules. There was 2,000 mules out there. The tomb was 2,000 mules The tomb was empty Vito It came back in three days And Jesus Christ's body was not there

How about Using social media platforms To Show off your horrific acts Just this week Just Wednesday of this week a gunman Livestreamed himself on Facebook Driver on Memphis shooting at people,

killing four and wounding three others. Yeah, but that's good, though. Yeah, that was kind of... Before, we didn't have video footage of this. What about Christchurch, New Zealand? I mean, that was... I watched it. That was the reason why... I watched it twice, actually.

That was the reason why you weren't allowed to do your live show. Do you think he wouldn't have shot people? Two separate killing sprees of this guy. There's two reasons why the flag of the Australia trip didn't happen. The shooting at the Westgate Entertainment District in Glendale, Arizona, where three people were wounded, was live-streamed by a perpetrator on Snapchat. And, of course, where I'm from, Buffalo, a grocery store shooter streamed on Twitch

Murdering 10 people Alright, so real quick Young women are learning to be ashamed of their bodies And not get to see cool shootings on the internet How is this a problem? And Trump won the election Which is like what you want Alright, that's why I saved the best for last

Let's talk about free speech Remember that old pesky First Amendment We have in this country People are already saying uh-oh Uh-oh, uh-oh about free speech. Remember that old pesky First Amendment we have in this country? Yeah, people are already saying, uh-oh. Yeah, uh-oh. Ruh-roh. Usually when a guy goes, you know, next thing I know he's going to start The U.S. intelligence agencies work directly with these platforms,

Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube, to censor information they deem to be misinformation. And TikTok is owned by China. Who even knows what the fuck they're up to with their shenanigans. These are real problems. These are real problems. We're banning people on the social media for their speech. Me being banned from Twitter is a big problem, but that's only because I can't use the social media, which I want to use.

Yeah, which you want to use. Yeah, which he wants to use. And the worst thing of all, guys, because of social media, those heroes who took a tour of the Capitol on January 6th are locked up as political prisoners. Not all of them. Baked Alaska. Just taking selfies. Just having some fun. He's the one I would pick up. Because of social media.

And what I want to say is that the problem with social media, not everyone should have a voice. Like, us three should. We have hot takes. That's true. We should have a voice. We three should. We have hot takes. That's true. We should have a voice. We should. But everyone has a voice now. Why? Most people are dumb. They should not be

having a voice out there. Voted up social media, biggest problem in the universe. Voted up, folks. Well, should I play the whole thing? Voted up! Oh, you know just where to go. I know, but it's not as funny. Voted up! Oh, you know just where to go. This is a short one. I know, but it's not as funny. Vote it up.

Oh, you know just where to go. Vote at biggestproblem.show. Vote it up. Oh, who's going to win? Jizzwaldy or Masterson? Or Carl. Vote it up. Come on, bitches.

Just go and vote. If you don't, then I'll slash your throat. Dismember your corpse, throw it off a boat. Vote it up. Gotta vote it up. Gotta vote it up. Yeah. Yeah, but like social media also is a dating app.

It's also awful. All of it's bad. I would be living a much different life if not for social media. We all would. I don't know if it would be. We all would. It would be better. I like it.

It feels like a sickness. It is. It feels like a. It is. Literally, if you went without a checklist, you said positives and negatives. Yeah. We act like it's a necessary evil in our lives, but they literally should ban it based on if they ban cigarettes, they ban alcohol.

That's what I'm saying. They ban cocaine. I want all of that out. I want it, like, to just suck it right out of you. I was going to say, you're, like, trying to take a drug away from me. Yeah. You're like, oh, isn't alcohol awful? And it's like, yeah, that's why I like it.

Right. Yeah. You like Diet Coke. Yeah, I getcha. I like diet coke you don't like Drinks diet coke well if there's alcohol in it how defensive are you today? Holy shit? Talking about the heroes of January 6 Ashley Babbitt who gave her life. That demon. Am I up? Yeah, you're up. Good luck.

Good luck following that one. I'm good, but I do have a link. You want to talk about traffic? This problem involves a certain type of music. You know Sean's deleted problem was the YouTube generation. Oh, okay. I didn't talk about influencers.

I didn't get into influencers in that rant. You better not. You watch it. What do you mean to play this? Oh, no. Yeah, well, this is a certain genre of music, which I'm going to argue is not beneficial to the nation or the world around us. Okay. Should I bring

this up? I guess so, yeah. Oh, thank you, honey. This song is from a certain gentleman who likes wearing a little hat. Some of you might know him. And he's not Jewish. And he's not Jewish, so I don't know why. Not that kind of hat. I don't know why.

Alright, let me put it in the middle. Yeah, that's fine. Okay. Now, if you're wondering when the song starts, the answer is about three minutes into it for some reason. It's a guy walking around a house in, like, blue-green sepia colors. It's like a slow motion. It's a slow motion, and there's a bunch walking around a house in blue-green sepia colors. It's a slow motion. And there's a bunch of douchebags. There's a band set up in the house for some reason.

It's Tim Pool. It's Tim Pool, front man. Tim Pool, who is the opposite of everything you'd describe a good front man to be. He's the Danny DeVito of front men. And twins. All right, right here, it's going to break. No. This video is embarrassing.

And there's little floating things like in the upside down from Stranger Things. Someone brought a smoke machine from the party city. That's cool. It's so Melodyne, I'm getting vertigo. Now I'm sure at some point the guitars are going to kick in and he's really going to rock. Is that their wedding ring hand? All right, right here.

The group mistake is like, this is kind of lame, guys. What are we doing? And, okay, wait, the song still hasn't started. Dick, literally go three minutes into the song, okay? Because we can't listen to this whole thing. It started like 2.48. It still hasn't started. And now these two not very attractive people are I mean no offense

Can I make a comment though pause it real quick Because you can't just say it starts three minutes in and that's why it sucks because Pink Floyd's awesome The problem is it's a four minute song. It's a It's not shit on your crazy is it's a four minute song. It's a three minute song. That's the problem. It's not straight on your crazy diamond. It's Tim Poole fucking crying for three minutes. Broken into it.

A little heart that breaks so hard. I love my chickens. My problem dick is celebrity bands. What are we doing here? I'm sorry. Can we go back and go to each member of this band before we do this? Feel free to.

I don't know who these people are. We have fucking Johnny Skinnylegs with the plaid skinny jeans, and he's the drummer with the zipper. Usually the drummer is like the super sexual one. Animal, the guy with the big wiener, Tommy Lee. He should have had everybody wear a beanie. I think the animal was your first example Of sexy drivers You know

Neil Peart Animal He's dangerous around women If you watch the Muppets show He makes several references Where he means harm to them Miss Piggy never ran so fast That's a good point

That was presumptuous of her The whole music video Was a guy I don't know Buying a house I got two criticisms One Everyone should be wearing a beanie just to be on brand.

Two, your name of your podcast is Timcast, so you named your band Timcast. That is the name of the band. Naming the band is the best part. Naming the band is the best part. Your name is Tim Pool. As people have brought up, name yourself like Drowning in the Pool or like Pool of tears. The shallow end. The shallow end, that would be good. Pool of cum. Blood pool or some shit. Who's this guy with this bandana or whatever the fuck? He's got a wrapped up bandana So I know he has a tiny head. All wearing black. Tied all the way around in a frayed collar.

Can I just point out how serious everyone looks in this video? Like they're solving a problem right now. How do we get men on the moon? How are we going to do this, guys? Like, guys, relax. You're in a rock band. Their problem is low rates. They're refinancing this old house. Where's this?

Oh, she dies in a car wreck? Oh, my God. Good. She's banging on the window. Yeah, what is? Ah! This car crash is tearing us apart. What a fucking jackass.

I hate Tim Pool. Oh, my God. So I did this interview. I'm sorry. I'm hijacking your problem. Let me just tell you this part. I did this interview on, like, Arizona public news station or a local news station. Yeah. And the host says, Oh, are you, uh, are you worried about, uh, guys getting swatted like you did? Like it happened to Tim pool. And I said, well, I'm not worried about it happening to

Tim pool. Okay. Go ahead. Well, the problem I think is that these celebrities I don't even know if Tim Pool is He's a B, whatever, celebrity He's a very popular show It is popular Tim Pool's show is pretty big He's an E celebrity But like most people, I would say, have not heard of Tim Pool I doubt that

He's been on Joe Rogan a few times That's kind of all it takes, right? Most people haven't heard of Joe Rogan Most people don't know Joe Rogan You say so. Tim Pool is very popular. I'll say that. But he's more popular than you.

Yeah, I'll agree. A lot of people are more popular than me for a number of reasons. But he wasn't at VidCon, but he's still very popular. He didn't make an appearance at VidCon. The difference is That I recognize My limitations

I'm a funny guy I have fun I'll make a little parody song For funsies Whatever I'm not in the back of my mind Going Vote it up

Oh you know it Alright That's for funsies I think your songs Are better than his Thank you I'm with you on that Thank you

Well they're not his songs Well yeah I know That's a good point That does help That does help If I'm just doing covers. The point is, like, Tim, you're a commentator. You're good at podcasting.

Well, just stick with that. You want to jam on the weekends, fine. But, like, he's made, you know, he bought ads for his fucking music video. So if you were on other websites trying to, like, read the news, it would be like, do you want to listen to the new single From Timcast? And you're like bro Also if you are Tim Pool And you're in a band

Just play bass And be quiet about it Don't be a whiny little front man You've got to be the front man That's so annoying I really do agree with that Celebrities are like You know dick around

In the back of the band You're like ah he's having fun Who gives a shit Didn't Keanu Reeves do that? Like he just plays an instrument Johnny Depp plays guitar Yeah he just fucking plays, you know, background or whatever. Guys who are more famous than him, so it's fine.

But then you got, you know, guys like Billy Bob Thornton. Is that his name? Yes. He's the worst one. You guys ever see that interview? Where the guy's interviewing about his music career and he wants to talk about his movie career and he goes, um, why aren't you asking me about my music career?

He was taken aback by it. He's like, yeah, that movie you did. He's like, oh, what do you mean? That's a good point. I'm here to talk about my music. It's always like celebrities want to ask Leonardo DiCaprio about things getting ready for Christmas, right? Yeah, right.

It was insane. It's true. They really think that people are going to be interested. And it's like, well, have you asked me about my band 30 Seconds to Mars? It's like, Jared, shut the fuck up. You're the Joker. We're talking about that. Say it's morbid time. Yeah, say it's morbid time. Jared Leto. Jared, shut the fuck up. You're the Joker. We're talking about that. Say it's Morbin time.

Yeah, say it's Morbin time. Jared Leto. Isn't he the one successful guy, though? He is the one guy who made it work. Maybe not the best example. That's true. Yeah. But the rest of these guys, let's see.

I mean, you were talking about Hal Sparks. Oh, yeah. Hal Sparks is in Nerdhalen. They're a Van Halen tribute act. Who's that? Hal Sparks was on Queer as Folk He's been on Talk Soup I couldn't even find this online

Does he even have videos Yeah yeah yeah Look up Nerd Halen Hal Sparks was always on I Love the 80s I really hate that guy's face Already He goes on

Centering John's show All the time That's why I know who he is But he's in this He's in this band Called Nerd Halen Look up Nerd Halen They dress like nerds

And then they change All the lyrics to the songs. Yeah. To be about like pie and shit. Yeah, right. The numbers of pie. Exactly. Oh, man. Exactly.

That would be hilarious. Yeah, Keanu Reeves, of course, and the band Dog Star, which I don't know anyone who's ever listened to that. You know, Shaq had four different rap albums. Oh, God. Nerdy Woman. Nerdy Woman. Nerdy Woman is one of their songs. Well, now I got to listen to Nerd Ham.

Shaq had a rap album? Shaq had four rap albums. They were probably good, though. Shaq's funny. Yeah, he's great. Do you remember when John Stamos joined the Beach Boys? Actually, John Stamos is a pretty good musician. What?

As a drummer? He can't sing for shit. That's the thing. He can't sing for shit. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. He tried to have a solo album, and it was fucking terrible. He? As a drummer? He can't sing for shit. That's the thing. He tried to be a frontman. He tried to have a solo album and it was fucking terrible.

He's a fine drummer. And again, we have agreed that if you're going to play in the back of the band, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. Be the drummer for

the Beast Boys. No one will care. Yeah, it's fine. No, it's fine. But when you have the front man, it's just like, oh my God,

this is fucking terrible. Tim Pool. Also, Steve Martin always wanting us to listen to his fucking banjo music. I'm like, nobody cares about that. I've seen Steve Martin Always wanting us to listen To his fucking banjo music I'm like nobody cares

Wait a minute I've seen Steve Martin live He's amazing Me too You wanna listen to banjo Yeah he shrugs The banjo is First of all

It's the only American instrument Number one I don't know if that's true It is my favorite The guitar Wasn't the electric guitar Invented in America Dick I don't know

I think the Chinese had it in 1300. Steve Martin is an incredible banjo. He's amazing. He's great. I'm sure he's really good at the banjo. I've seen him perform live multiple times, and he's fantastic. And his band's amazing, too. What are you talking about?

Did you just pull that name out of your ass? That's not what he does. Banjo fucking sucks. You sounded like you were starting a car. That's not what a banjo is. David Hasselhoff, famously terrible. No, he's great too. No, no.

He's not famously terrible. No, no, no. He got fucked. It's not German. I don't think he's good. So his Germany tour was a test for his music career. Yeah. And then the day his pay-per-view was ready for the U.S., for his big U.S. launch.

He had a cheeseburger on the floor of his bathroom. O.JJ killed his wife and did the Bronco chase so nobody wanted to watch David Hasselhoff. So then it became a joke. Yeah, it became a joke. So OJ killed Nicole

and David Hasselhoff's music career. Yes. At the same time. At the same time. So David Hasselhoff's like, what's my fucking big concert tonight? Can you imagine that? That's hilarious.

What the fuck? Juice, you couldn't have waited? I would have fucking killed that bitch myself. It was a live concert they were going to air? Yeah, on pay-per-view. Oh, it was a pay-per-view? Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know that he would have taken off either way. You overestimate women. That's what... Yeah, maybe. Look, some guys make it work, but the majority of these celebrities was that good. You overestimate women. That's what. Yeah, maybe. Look. My mom loves David Hasselhoff. Some guys make it work, but the majority of these celebrities who try to start

these shitty bands, it's just terrible. Could you imagine if the Beatles were like, yeah, we would've been huge, but then Jack the Ripper happened and no one heard our music. If it's really that good,

people are gonna find it, discover it, enjoy it, but anyway. I did have one guy who nailed it, though. Eddie Murphy, Party All the Time.

Okay. Except that. What about Will Smith guy who nailed it, though. Eddie Murphy, Party All the Time. Okay. What about Will Smith? That's a genuine hit. Will Smith started as a musician. Wow, musician. That's true. He did start as a rapper, so that doesn't count. What about Elvis? Elvis became an actor after he was a singer.

You're going the other way. What? You just know him as a movie star? Yeah. Is Elvis the movie star? He made music? He did Las Vegas? I had no idea. And also with YouTube, everybody thinks they gotta have a music act.

All these YouTube guys. So social media, you're saying? Carl has talked about on his show, Rex Viper, the Angry Video Game Nerds band. Even Carl's always talking about his band. It's like, fucking get over it. Yeah, but Carl's like, it's a little different, I think. Too old.

You don't really push the isotopes as like if somebody came to you and they're like, Carl, what are you known for? You wouldn't say, the fucking isotopes. I don't count because I'm not famous. Yeah, exactly. So it's fine. Of course you want to talk about my band. What else am I talking about? It's a fun little thing. It's not the spotlight of your life. Right.

By the way, September 16th, the Isotopes at Beer Park in Rochester. If you're coming to the Rose of Carl and Vinny, which is at the Comedy Club September 17th,

that's this Saturday coming up. The Isotopes are performing the night before at the Beer Park. It's a little plug. So it's like a band that people listen to

if they're in town. It's a fun life. I do. It's amazing. It's crazy. I go to football games. I come over to Dick's house late. He always posts about it on social media, and I get so jealous.

See, me too. You're right. He's living the perfect life. How would you know? You got kicked out of my Discord server. You don't know what's going on. No, I'm still in that Discord server. It's just not under my real name.

Okay, good. Good for you. I keep tabs on what's going on. Take that, Turbo Neil Breen, you fuck. Take that, Turbo Neil Breen, you motherfucker. Take that, Turbo Neil Breen, you motherfucker. What is that? Cutie's that, you bitch. I don't know why that guy hates me so much.

I have no idea. I don't know. Anyway, I think Tim Pool has illustrated that most people should stay in their lane. There's one thing you're good at. Okay, if you want to make a little music for fun, please. No, but Tim Pool is so bad at it. It's so bad. It's not even like-

Your problem should have just been Tim Pool honestly maybe but I listened to it. When he pulled up I'm like oh he's gonna win. I tried to be like really like open minded I'm like well I don't know maybe Tim Pool can rock and then it's like no not even like close. It made my pussy dry.

Yeah you can't put out your ballad as your first song you gotta start with a rocker. Even Richard Marks started with like a rocker and then then it's like, okay, here are my ballads. Like, okay, all right. Here's my stuff for the ladies. All right, everybody calm down. Right, you can't start with the ballads. If he started off with a nice, fun, hard rock song that takes a little laugh at himself,

you know, it's a little fun or whatever. Not about a woman getting killed in a car crash, and then you live in a metaphor of your sorrow with a bunch of annoying guys wearing too tight of pants. That's why it works so well for Eddie Murphy, is that he's like, what am I going to write a song about? It's not like about the deep, dark depression in my soul. It's my girl wants to party all the time. And you're like, oh, that's fun.

That's a fun little thing. Not, oh, I want to be like Nickelback. He actually was posting these tweets that was like, the success of my single proves that the corporate left is keeping down emo music. And I'm like, no, that's not what's happening. I hate Tim Pool more than the Taliban and Hillary Clinton. At least the Taliban's fun. They get ice cream.

People have those videos of time to time. They're riding those rides. They're riding those rides. They're not putting out music like that They're not taking out ads on their music They have beheading videos Those are good videos That's a great video

High production values sometimes The CIA has a lot of budget Go figure What do you mean alright? You're defending the CIA? Should we just start a new show right now? You're not going to defend the CIA. You're not going to defend alltheworldworks.com.

The CIA, I don't believe, edited these beheading videos. The CIA is a bunch of British expatriates that were not killed when we founded this country and have loitered around fucking things up for everybody. And they're promoting. Weaseling their way into the government under the auspice. They found some of the editors. They're just like guys living abroad who are really good at like video editing and the talent, you know, and they're Muslims.

Where did you see that, Vito? Where did you see that information? All right, okay. Who took my phone? What? Misinformation. All of a sudden, they're all fucking Final Cut Pro pros. The Taliban.

One guy figured it out. Right. Shaq can't rap. John Stamos is a bad front man, and Tim Pool should. Tim Pool's the worst. Jump off a cliff in Minecraft. That's shitty celebrity bands. Okay, hold on.

Let me write down the problems. We should do a Shitty celebrity podcast Should be a biggest problem In the universe I have documented that That's a good one I'm thinking of Shaq

Even though Shaq's kind of funny Shaq does a lot of like Sports commentary though Does he do a podcast? He's a podcast Oh yeah Everyone has a podcast Does he do a lot of sports?

A little bit A little bit The one where you listen to Shaq The one with the women From the office Is like unbearable Oh no where you listen to the... The one with the women from The Office is unbearable. Oh, no. There are so many shows. There's one with The O.C. Remember that show, The O.C.?

Yeah. I don't know why that was popular. Two of the women from that, Rachel Bilson, I want to say is her name, and some other women from that. Everyone's doing shows where they don't have a career anymore, so they recap the old episodes of the shows that they were on. That's a weird form of it. Oh, God, yeah. They are all just

picking apart their old TV shows. I would watch a Trailer Park Boys podcast of those guys just talking about old episodes. That's not what we're talking about though, is it? No. Instead, we're talking about Office Ladies, The O.C., and yeah, it's all the bad shows. Not good. Okay, Too Many Dicks. Too Many Dicks.

That was a good one. That was a good one. It was not a good one. Show me something about the internet or social media. Social media. Okay. It's very specific. All social media.

Girls with eating disorders. All social media. And yours was Tim Pool. Mine was celebrity bands. Celebrity bands. Tim Pool's shitty band. I should have just went with that straight. I hate social media.

I really do. No, you love it. You got went with that straight. I hate social media. I really do. No, you love it. You gotta promote. Why do you hate social media so much? I gave you four reasons. Yeah, but why do you really hate it? I know you don't give a fuck about what you don't care about. It's such a waste of time.

I can't keep up with it. It's such a waste of my time. Do you want to? And that's why it makes you angry? No, I don't want to. Here's my biggest dislike of social media. Why do you hate it so much, though? Because it sucks.

Leave it alone. It's ruining people's lives. Oh, those people's lives weren't very good to me. Yeah, that's all right. That's a good point. I hate that it's the only way to, like, promote anything. It's like people will not watch a TV show or read a book or anything unless people are social media.

Read a what? I don't know. Yeah, what are you talking about? Any kind of media. Okay. It all has to be This social media promotion Okay here

Oh by the way Okay I'll get to it Alright Here we go Here we go With the voicemails Go to biggestproblem.show To vote

Patreon.com Slash biggest problem To support the show Carl what's your Patreon Patreon.com Slash who are these podcasts But go to whoarethese.com That's where you can get

All the episodes Get the links to all of our social media Including episode 341 Our subreddit Our YouTube Our Twitter Our Discord WhoAreThese.com

Tons of episodes with Dick of course Do you have WhoAreDees.com? Like Deez Nuts? Should I? You could do a whole show on that. Who are Deez? You're a marketing genius, my friend. Yeah, that's what gets him. Marketing genius.

Hey Vito, hey Dick. This is Ion Forrest. I just wanted to drop my two cents about the call-in show. You had this guy calling in talking about porn video games, and I disagree with his points on a few levels. For one, there are pretty big companies that make pretty decent porn games.

Of course, they're full of microtransactions. Nutaku comes to mind. Yes. And then there's someone who has tons of porn games on my Steam profile, and I play them in online mode so people can see when I'm playing porn games. So I'm an av have a collector okay so we can talk about the design philosophy of a porn game right because the objective is just

to beat off if you want if you want a strong gameplay you should just play a game or a real puzzle game or a real adventure game or a real RPG because at the end of the day it's just window dressing for the sex scenes and the animated porn and titties and stuff that you unlock is a bonus for playing the game. Anyways, I'm running out of time here. It's like if you read Playboy for the articles, you know, you're fucking missing the point. If you don't watch porno for

good direction and writing and talent, no, that's retarded. They don't know how to act. They're there to have sex. So like, porn games exist but you gotta think the gameplay is not the priority there. Otherwise, you'd be fucking retarded. So, call me back. You guys were talking about porno games on the show?

Yeah, we brought up that we believe there should be more porno games. Yeah, so, okay, so he brings up Playboy. And the best part about having articles in the Playboy is that you're reading the article, and you're into it, and you're like, whoops, I accidentally stumbled onto some porn. I guess I better beat off a little bit. That's what's missing from games. With games, you're stuck there for 40 hours. Yeah, like I'm getting all emotionally invested.

Like, what if some porn popped up? Like, okay, I can just beat off and get out of here. I have a different take on this. I have a different take, because we're not talking about games that have some porn in them. We're talking about games that are for beating off. And it's similar to drinking games. And you've talked about this. This is why you created Winner's Drink.

I don't need a game to tell me when to drink. I don't need a game to tell me when to beat off. I can do these things without any parameters at all. I just left my own devices. I can drink and beat off at the same time. No games at all. I just left my own devices. I can trick and beat off at the same time. No games at all. That's true. But isn't it fun when the game also lets you be like, what is bad with the

Sunday? I'd like to be directed by an external force on top. You know, it's a little extra. You know, like when you're playing Final Fantasy 7 and then Cloud dresses up like a girl and you're like, oh, what is this about? And then you go, you have a little time and then you do the boss battle what that's for there's a little something there we've all jerked off to

miss pac-man but that's not the point here uh it's funny he brings up new taku i almost made a game with them no taku yeah it's like nutting they make i don't i thought it was new Taku, but I guess not Taku might make more sense. I mean, that's what he's talking about. Yeah, I have a prototype for a card game that was going to use their characters. I'm sad it didn't come to fruition. Okay, here you go. What's up, Dick and Vito and Carl? This is Rex Sexton.

Hey, Rex. My biggest problem is Las Vegas bachelor parties. I myself am addicted to gambling actually hold on let me check the list ah yes gambling is on there so I dread it when these mid to late 30s men with bald patches no offense Vito

think they're going to recreate The Hangover and get croaked or something with The Boys in Las Vegas what the fuck are you thinking one are you going to try and wrangle us all into the Osmonds of Paris Paris on Saturday night? And I'm sure a shit not gonna watch Cirque du Soleil with you.

Two, you're scared of gambling and that fucking hundred dollars your wife let you bring is going to last about ten minutes. Three, you're cheap as fuck. It's half a grand to get a hooker to walk even in the door and you're renting your brother's suit for Christ's sake. Do you know how long eight average ass dudes have to stand in line to get into the club and for fucking what to go back to omaha to your stupid life all repentant for taking five fucking

minutes to try and enjoy yourself and failing las vegas was built on the carcasses of delusional groomsmen loaded up and go you ever been to a bachelor party in Vegas? Let's not knock Vegas. I was agreeing with his premise to begin with. And he's like, yeah, Vegas is too much now. Raise the price. I think a problem that he kind of like passed by there was guys not knowing how to gamble.

That bugs the shit out of me. It's like, I got 40 bucks. I'm going to play blackjack. No, that's not how blackjack works asshole what if i made a million dollars what if i just lost it all in one hand i'm like oh my god you're dumping way too much insecurity under the table here get the fuck away from me every time i've been to vegas recently and gambled it's like me and then a cloud of people sitting there watching like you guys can just pull you guys can come on yeah can we it's so annoying my buddy's like technical bachelor

party was we just played video poker and got drunk but it was like slow burn like that that's what he's talking about there's no reason to go to vegas for that stupid no it's fun you know that's dumb what's dumb about that it's fun you watch, that's dumb. What's dumb about that? We had fun. What's dumb about video poker? Yeah, video poker's fun. Video poker is what you play when you're waiting for someone to mix your cocktail. And then as soon as that's done, you go back and do real gambling. Yeah, for some reason, all the real tables were like $20 minimums or whatever. $25.

Yeah, dude. For some reason, he says. We're trying to make money is the reason. Okay, well, I was hanging out with a guy who lives in a trailer, okay? Yeah, dude For some reason he says We're trying to make money is the reason Okay, well, I was hanging out with a guy who lives in a trailer Okay? Yeah, okay That makes sense I wasn't going to drag him

Like, yes, I could have gone to the tables But I was like, I'm not going to drag him over there Can I tell you a fun story? I know we're trying to fly through voicemails Rex Sexton Yeah Moved cross country I think he was in Denver

Somebody moved to New Hampshire So he was coming through my neck of the woods And and he asked if he could come over, and I had him over at my house. And he sat in with us and we recorded an episode of Who Are These Podcasts. Did he hang around it for a while after, or did he get out? Oh, no. I told him we'd play some yard games in the back afterwards. Yard games?

Yeah. We played some cornhole. Cornhole. Yeah. That's a good one. He claimed to be like this Iowa State champion, and me and producer Chris both kicked his ass. So I wasn't buying it after that.

You have a producer? Well, we call him producer Chris. Do you pay him? I pay him, yeah. But it's kind of like how you have a life coach, producer Chris. No, I don't pay him. Well, I try not to, but he always gets money out of me. Okay, here we go.

Leo! Dick! These are two wild guys. He's hopefully sober now and not tripping on acid. Or maybe he is, and he's having a great time. I'm not sober. So the biggest problem in the universe are parking spaces that are razor fucking thin.

I'm talking about these assholes that make the lines of the space so tight that you can open your door maybe a foot at best. Is this the voice of a man that you want parking next to you? No. Is this the voice of a man that you want parking much to you? Just try shimmying out and hope to God that the spring on your door doesn't open it a little farther because it will immediately hit the car right next to you. And then you've got to pray that... You've got to cut these off. This is terrible.

What was this guy thinking? We're going to play his voice and he'll be like, oh my God, this guy's right. Here's my biggest problem in the universe. Two long voicemails. 30 seconds. 45 seconds. For some reason, they all think that telling the story is the thing to get people interested in the problem.

You just got to get more aggressive with, all right, I got it. The biggest problem in the universe is boring voicemails. We appreciate the voicemail. I mean, I have to get you. If you want to cut him off, just jump in. I will jump in. Here, here, here.

Do it on this one. How long is this one? I don't know. Three minutes. Too long. So the biggest problem in the universe is liquor bottle sizes. Like, if I get a pint. Cut it.

Who gives a shit? That's fucking stupid. Hold on a second. Liquor bottle sizes? Because he's right, because the little one is too small, so you have to get more, and the big one you get shit-faced

because it's an infinite amount of liquor. I fucking promise you that's what he's saying. I fucking promise you. You're telling me a handle is too much liquor. I'm not saying it's too much. Okay, thank you. But you will get devastatingly drunk. Win-win.

More drunk than you want. No, more drunk than you want it to get. And it's less expensive by volume. Let's see. Now let's see. I can get too drunk, and I got to wake up in the morning, and that's a lot of liquor for me. Yeah. So the problem

is having a job. That's what the problem is. Well, not anymore. You know, not enough. Like, I get a little buzz but it's not good. It's a tiny little baby amount. Yeah, I agree that's a problem. There needs to be a three-fourths pint where I think it would be the perfect

amount of drunk. Hold on. Let's pause it again. I know I'm obviously saying something that's very obvious. You don't have to finish a bottle once you open it. It doesn't spoil. It's not going to go bad. That's not how liquor works. Yes, that is how liquor works. Oh, yeah.

I always wake up. Oh, great. I did exactly the amount of cocaine that I wanted to. Now I have plenty left over for next weekend. I'm not talking about cocaine, asshole. I have plenty left over. I'm not talking about cocaine, asshole. I have plenty left over. I'm not talking about coke. I'm talking about liquor.

I guarantee if I go upstairs, I will find liquor bottles that are not empty upstairs. Not of whiskey. Not of whiskey. We'll see. That's why I'm drinking fucking vodka.

I'll report on social media whether I find it or not. If you take a picture of my liquor cabinet right now, it's going to be the most fucking Prosecco, nine bottles of red wine. It will look totally

degenerate. Okay, are we done with these? I mean, you got three different ones about ratchet straps. Oh, wait, the niggler! The niggler! Oh, I niggled his ass so good. I heard that some niggling has been happening. I'll play his thing first. The niggler is three minutes. Niggler.

Hey. There once again. It's nice to see you survive burning men. I heard they were attacking you left and right. Using your hand to hand skillshand skills, mouth agape, you finished them off quite quickly. It's okay. Those were good stuff. Good show.

And Vito. Hi, Niggler. Congratulations on your second call-in show. It was a good one. Too bad it's being hailed as mediocre. Congratulations on your second call-in show. It was a good one. Too bad it's being hailed as mediocre. Save a certain half of some villain's collar. Whoever that may be.

The niggler did call in, by the way. Oh, he did? But this is not why I called in. Oh, no? I regret to inform you that I'm retiring. Oh, my God. No more Niggler. Unfortunately, after hearing the Niggler phone in two weeks ago, I realized my long, annoying voicemails couldn't compete with his prowess and annoying others.

Oh, he set a bar too high for me to meet with his voicemail that took a mere 30 seconds. Yeah, he really kept it trim. Versus my hours and hours of writing and planning. Oh, and such witty insults. How many times has the nigger recorded this to get it right? Insatuity! Insults! Crackers! He told me. Oh, I could never think of such a thing to say. I'm ruined! Why put both of us side by side?

And one of us seems to look like a cheap copy of the other. Oh, horrible. Anyways, I think I'm going to go cry now. Thank you, Niggler. Good.

Fuck you. Get out of here. Farewell, Flick Beanstein and Vito Pussyboy Jizwally. Pussyboy? What the fuck? Oh my god. Get out of here, Niggler, you

fucking bastard. We got no time for you. Niggler, he messaged me on Discord and then he was telling me all this stuff and then I went to Twitter and, he messaged me on Discord And then He was telling me all this stuff And then I went to Twitter And he had messaged me on there too And I said, oh thanks for telling me

Hey don't message me on Discord My account got hacked And he said, oh shit, really? So you niggled the niggler I left it there And he's like, oh fuck And he's like, wait are you niggling me? Alright, super chats I left it there. He goes, oh, fuck. And he's like, wait, are you niggling me? Well done.

Super chats. The niggler has been niggled. Well, guys, super chat time. Yeah, I see that one from last week. And I'm very excited. Mike Hunt for 20. We all owe Vito an apology. He was correct that we could not know Rings of Power would suck just because there were black dwarves.

The show is good, and it's good because the dwarves are black. What? Well, I don't know if that's why it's good. Wow. Really? The show's okay. It's not great. Because the dwarves are black?

The problem with the show has nothing to do with anyone's race. It's just really way too long. But what are the black dwarves doing? There's one black dwarf. No, she's not rapping. Oh, okay. She's actually one of the best characters on the show She's the wife of the dwarf prince

And she's fun Like but what is She's just a lady That's black What does she do that's black She plays dwarf basketball And she jumps higher than the rest of the dwarves She's gonna jam into WNBA

Yeah Great Wonderful Mike Matt Bar for a dollar Thanks you Matt Thanks Matt Petty for ten Hey Vito What do you think about

Laud them rings Premiering on the eve Of the anniversary Of Tolkien's death Many such cases I don't know about that Tolkien Tolkien

Tolkien Yeah He's Tolkien Tolkien Tolkien I thought it was Tolkien No No

Tolkien Tolkien J.R.R. Tolkien J.R.R. Tolkien. I thought it was Tolkien. No. Tolkien. J.R.R. Tolkien. J.R.R. Tolkien gives a shit. Mike Hunt for five. I showed Superkiller to the producers of Rings of Power. They said the main character would be better as a black man named Jarek Juneteenth. Oh yeah,

that would be good. What do you think about that? I have a... How much would it take for you to rename the character of your comic to Derek Juneteenth? I'm not doing that. It would not make sense. How much would it take? Everyone to rename the character of your comic to Derek Juneteenth? I'm not doing that would not how much would it take? It's got a price is real name. We don't know his real name. You got to spell it funky though It's people don't catch on right away They read it phonetically like Oh Juneteenth

Like jy oh oh yeah like with a G or something. Yeah, well my comic does feature a Persian female So we've got a little diversity there isn't that exciting fun a G or something? Well, my comic does feature a Persian female. So we've got a little diversity there. Isn't that exciting, folks? I don't know if Persian females count. Yeah, it doesn't really count. It's based on my dead friend who looked white as hell. I honestly feel like Persian

females are basically white men. Well, not white men. Yeah, no, I do think that. I do think that's the only one that goes across most compatible. Well, that's just science. Yeah. I feel like Persian men in the Middle East are as bad on them as women and minorities are here. Are you saying Persian women are tough, tough and dumb?

No. Just that they have the same experience Okay Like a I have no Experience in common With like a Chinese Guy

In China Except for the size Of your penis Bam Got him Dominic for five Aw Carl looks so small

So small We fixed it We fixed it Oh so smur Mike Hunt for two Carl looks like a fusion Of Vito We fixed it. Oh, so smur. Mike Hunt for two. Carl looks like a fusion of Vito and Dick. There's a little something there.

Ouch. A little, oh, that's not a problem. White Bandit for 10. Dick, why don't you pay Sean enough to quit his day job? With your Patreon money, you make more than enough to comfortably buy out Sean, assuming his job pay to be. No, he's trying to get me. Market rate. Nice try. Sean probably makes more money

from it. He makes a lot of money from that job, I assume. Yeah, he makes more than the Patriots. He's making good money as the engineer. Kevin McAllister for 10. Vito, you cut off my problem. No credit. Dick stole my invention for bonus episode 73. N named the episode after it

wanted to bring it up when dick was doing crosswords off the burning man shower dongs oh that's true this was the guy who wanted credit for some problem he gave you you should have listed the problem on here yeah i don't know which problem it was if you give dick a problem it's i'm stealing it you've forfeited it no to you I'll try to remember your name But I probably won't Clap Trap to the Destroyer for five Says cool Gravity Falls hat Vito I agree

It is a cool cat And it's covered in my Vito pins You gave him five bucks To tell him his hat is cool Oh we are sharing I appreciate that It's good we share a love Of a particular cartoon show

Money well spent sir Thank you Shut up Don't fuck up Carl Don't nag our super chats Carl It's probably a hot chick actually now I think about it never nag the superchats

you're right they're giving us money god damn it it should have been 10 bucks it should have been 10 bucks that's the only problem with that donation Toothless Ninja for 5

your Gravity Falls hat sucks fuck you that's money well spent god damn it that's money well spent well you both spent the same amount

so I'm gonna consider it equally neutral. John Riffs for five unbanned. Johnny Rocket from the WATP Discord. Carl's mod in our word banned him for saying Vito is not a PDF file. True. Not false.

No PDF. Yeah. Neil Breen is just way amped up on everyone's a pedophile. Oh, yeah. I get real annoyed by that It's so bad Although I've now accepted that Carl's discord is like hands off And he's like do whatever you want you nut job That's the fucking problem with mods

That's the right wing woke though Is that everyone's a pedophile You know like the woke people everyone's a racist And then if you're right wing everyone's a pedophile You're like alright relax Can I suggest something I'm sure he is. I bring in a whole school bus of kids every time.

We have to lure him in, like drop them out. Look, Vito's going to take whatever he can get. If it's a 10-year-old, if it's a guy, whatever. He's just like, yeah, it's fine. A 12-year-old's going to run fast. I date adult women and occasionally transsexuals. Sure. What were you going to say?

Suggestion. Bad Jannies. Vote it up. Let's see here. Vote it up. Perfect. Spider Eternal for two. Rotten Tea audience.

Tomatoes. Rotten Tomatoes. For Rings of Power is 39%. Yeah, but that's the audience. They don't know what they like. Does it suck? I mean It's been getting Review bombed

By certain people I've seen Twitter Is Was trending Twitter has decided They don't like it Without even watching it But could it possibly just suck?

I love that Because it's woke They're like Well people actually do like it But they're pretending not to like it Maybe they just don't like it It's not even really woke Like there's nothing

It doesn't talk about Racism in the show It's just some people Are buying it Yeah but it's don't like it. It's not even really woke. Like, there's nothing, it doesn't talk about racism in the show. It's just some people are black. I haven't watched it. I don't know. Yeah, but it's like, okay, it's like. It's too long is its biggest problem. It's like an hour every episode. Yeah, that's every Lord of the Rings thing.

It's like, but it drags on. Like, no, because the movies would get to shit eventually. This shit just drags on. My problem is, it's like, oh, yeah, you remember King Arthur? Like, yeah, he had like a guy that lived down the street

and here's a story about him. Like, I don't care about that Yeah exactly It's not like None of it's real It's a stupid backstory Mike Hunt for two What is that drawing On the back of Vito's notes

It is a That's not gonna work Yeah well A little bit Alright It's a muscly man And uh I didn't manage to finish

Drawing his lower part. There you go. Very nice. He's going to get to the penis after we're done here. Didn't get to the penis, sadly. Get to the penis. I'm saving it for later. Herb beta patch for $1.99.

The biggest problem in the universe is charity scams. Ah, yes. That's a Stuttering John reference. Stuttering John. Thanks, Herb beta patch. With the open PayPal. Just send me PayPal money. Did you hear about this, Dick? I don Thanks, Herb Badafatch. With the open PayPal. Just send me PayPal money. Did you hear about this dick?

I don't want to get into a whole thing, but Stuttering John. You're drawing a dick. Alright, never mind. Keep going. No, it's a good story. Listen to this story. This is insane. Tell the fucking story. Everyone's calling him out on this. About a month ago, Stuttering John goes on his show. Circumcised or not? Are you circumcised? I am, yeah. Okay.

Why are you drawing my penis? Is that supposed to be me? Why does that matter? Do you need something to trace from me? What are you saying about stuttering John? So the funniest thing is he goes on his YouTube show and he goes, all right, there's a person who needs chemo treatment. It's a spouse of someone who's regularly in our chat when we're doing this show. So we want to get money for this expensive chemo treatment.

Just send the money to my PayPal and I'll take care of it. And he was promoting, he had a ticker going on the bottom of his videos for two hours straight. And he did this for weeks. He was like, give me money to my PayPal. People are super chatting him like, Hey,

send, put this money. And then the best was people were saying, here's five bucks, $3 towards chemo, $2 towards you. It's insane. You know, YouTube takes a vague. So's he going to keep track of that? Yeah, it's insane. YouTube takes a vague, so you're like,

how does any of this work? He's supposed to be doing the accounting on the back end. Even if he was trying to do a noble thing, it's illegal. It got all messed up. It's illegal. All he had to do was set up a GoFundMe. Yeah, exactly. Which is why people think it was a scam.

Dick has added a bit. That's pretty good there. That is what my penis looks like. All bow-legged. How did you know that? You got to move it over a little bit to get it in there. All I did was send you one photo, and you were able to get it that good. That's impressive.

Dick has excellently drawn a dick. Yeah, John, Stuttering John is an idiot. Thanks, Irv Beta Patch. Irv Beta Patch out of Syracuse, New York, by the way. A charity. Mike Hunt for five makes a good point. Lord of the Rings is a uniquely English fairy tale, so it would be more representative of the UK

if the most common name in Middle Earth was Muhammad. Yeah, UK is being taken over by people of, you know, Indians now, people of Indian descent, now own more land in businesses or whatever in the UK than native-born... Why is that the biggest problem, universe, Vito? I didn't say it was a big problem. This is the biggest

problem that we're on right now. You know that, right? But I'm saying... Everyone vote on Vito. I'm saying Lord of the Rings is supposed to be all the characters are supposed to be white because it's representative of British... Do you know why that is good? So it's bad now with all the brown people? Do you know why there's good? Do you know why that is good? So it's bad now with all the brown people? Do you know why there's more Indians

who own businesses? Why is that? There's 1.3 billion Indian people and 80 million English people. Well, there's also just some cultures that really prioritize. Yeah, but in Britain? Well, it's going to happen. I mean, it's happening now. A lot of those motherfuckers. We love them.

John Riffs for five. I love black elves in my fantasies. In my rings, weirdos prefer elves to be F-skinned Aryans. Oh, just read it. Why do you need to be pussy? Not for five bucks. You got to go big if you want to free your reason. Yeah, we talked about this.

Mike Hunt for two. The Queen died. This is the real return of the king. That's true. Rex Sexton for two. Too bad you guys aren't 18 to 24. I don't know. That's in reference to.

It's a social media problem. Kirtle for $1.99. Give this money to Carl only. No. Thank you. You will not. I don't have change. He says he's my new dad.

Yeah. We don't do that on this show. I'll be back on Sunday, Dick. You can get the money. John for five, but isn't social media where you do 90% of your promotion? Yeah, and I hate it. I wish I didn't have to do that. Yeah, it sucks.

And it doesn't even work. They downgrade links. Because you got kicked. You lost all your followers because you couldn't stop saying bad words. Because social media sucks. Because social media sucks. Because the fucking CIA. You lost all your followers, too.

You did the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, but I was a trailblazer. Now everyone knows what you can't say thanks to me. And what you can't do. I helped as well. Now, uh, Danielson for two. Best stinger to date.

Well, I don't know if I can disagree with that. Oh, you missed one there. No, I didn't. Carl from Who Are These Pockets and My New Dad. That was the same thing. Clap, Trap, Destroyer for five. Because everyone keeps calling you their dad. That was the lady that you were making fun of, by the way.

Clap, Trap, Destroyer. When was I making fun of that lady? She said something positive about Vito. Oh, yeah. She said it's probably some fat. That's horrible. Carl from Who Are These Problems is my new dad. Who are these problems? That new dad Who are these problems

That's a good crossover Yeah move over Vito Who are these problems Autonomous Prime For a big ten dollars On the board Vito says Russia helped steal

The 2016 With no evidence There is evidence 2020 had video footage Of people You know what I'm not reading that Mike Hunt for five

Taking hidden tabs Of votes Under tables That didn't happen After pushing people out For a fake lot It's all fucking documented footage of people telling you know what i'm not reading that mike hot for five under tables it's all fucking documented what are you talking about people are allowed to mail in their vote and go to the place and vote you don't think people have voted twice they have you really don't think all that you think it was they can but they didn't yes they did they famously didn't check the signatures audits in multiple states they famously didn't check the signatures! They've run multiple audits in multiple states! They famously didn't check the signatures, Vito! Audits just counts it again!

They're not auditing it! Holy shit, Vito! Is this where you... Is this the disconnect? Do you not understand what happened? The election was not stolen. I'm not even saying it was! I'm just saying there were shenanigans!

There were... The number of, like, fake votes they found so far is, like, 20. Wow! Doesn't that seem a little odd to you? Yeah, how is that possible? So it sounds like they're not checking then. They are checking. Because there's always hundreds of thousands every election. But this time it was

10. If there's a difference of a certain amount, they audit the votes and they double check it. Who does? Who's they? They only double check it? Who's they? Listen, we successfully stole this election and I'm not going to let you guys take that away from me. Jesus Christ. We stole the election. I don't talk to people like you very often.

This is fascinating to me. This is weird. I want to have a whole conversation with him after the show. Go have it now. I don't want to have a fucking political conversation after the show. This is just insane. Go to dinner with what's-his-name. What's political about this?

I don't know. It's just election security. Election fraud, which, by the way, the media says happens every four years. Tons of election fraud. We've ever had. Tons of election fraud. This year, none. Ashley Babbitt. Even those.

I'll mail in ballots. None. Who was shot down by a hero cop who every day I celebrate. How many fake votes did you say there was? 20? 20. Don't you think that's not enough? No.

I hate you. Mike Hunt for five Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch Well they started as a band Correct So that doesn't count Will Smith Again doesn't count

Tenacious D Started as a band Yeah Tenacious D definitely started And they're good too Yeah Not because of What's his name Mike Hunt says to vote down

Celebrity bands Kyle Gass you say Yeah Kyle Gass is an amazing musician Oh come on Are you kidding me? Have you seen him play guitar? He sings all the harmonies He's great Those technically are not celebrity bands

I'm surprised right now I respect you as a musician Jack Black has got the pipes Oh no, Jack Black's great But in the showmanship. Kyle Gass is very talented. Mike Hunt for two says the Archies are a pretty good celebrity band. I have to agree.

Jabberjaw was amazing. Agreed. Josh for five. Hey, Carl, remember how you always forget to plug the creep off? Good job, buddy. Way to go. Rydog for five. Illusion makes the best hentai games.

Interesting. Crunch Knocks seven for hentai games. Interesting. Crunch Knocks seven for a big $9.99. Which cat clubs do you frequent, Vito? Ship your cats to Ukraine, Vito, where they're likely to be blown to pieces instead of getting their cheeks clapped. Did I lose? Read it again.

Which cat clubs do you frequent? Ship your cats to Ukraine, where they're likely to be blown to pieces instead of getting their cheeks clapped? I don't think so. I think it's just. Cat stretch. Cat ripito. Yeah.

Cat ripito. I know you're trying to get me on a TV fair. I don't think that was. Hold on. There's one more on there. Rex Sexton for two has said, and don't forget, last chance to get your super chats in. Get them in under the wire. $2.

Carl's cornhole was not set up to regulation. It's not regulation cornhole, sir. You had to get him on a non-regulation board? It was further than he's used to, and he's very weak. So he wasn't able to get the beanbag all the way to the board. Sorry, Rex. He's practicing a regulation distance. What the fuck?

You got to measure that shit. What's the regulation of cornhole? I don't know. Why would I know that? How would I possibly know that? I just set them up and it looks good and then we start playing. And it's not like I have an advantage. No, that's chicken shit, Carl.

What do you mean that's chicken shit? I don't have an advantage. Because it's good for you. You're like using, look at your eyes. You think I'm lying? Your eyes and your messed up feet. You don't have no fucking idea. ACA, the American Cornhole Association.

You're like, your honor, he obviously is club-footed. Okay, look, here it is. What's it supposed to be? Let's see, 27 feet. 27 feet? Yeah. 27 feet from board to board. 40 to 45 court length and 27 feet from board to board.

We might have been too short. I didn't realize it was that far. All right. Well, now you know. Ask a woman how far 27 feet is. Well. Ask a woman what she knows about cornhole. Ask her if she could throw something 27 feet.

You take 10 and a half dogs and nose to tail. Drive 27 feet and stop when you think you get there. Seth Johnson for two. Vito gives Eddie Murphy a pass, but not Don Johnson. What was Don Johnson's music? Miami Vice? Did he make the music? I don't remember his stuff either.

I don't know. Whatever it was. Hig Mig for $4.99 says, where's Def Noodles? Def Noodles will be on Dick's show on Sunday. Oh, yeah. I hope so. And then hopefully the following week we'll get him on Biggest Problem. Okay.

Overcaffeinated for two, shout out a happy birthday to my brother, Toby. I get it. For her. I won't get her to pronounce that. Kurt Air, Kurtle for $1.99 Vinnie Winnie People's champ Boo

The champion Alright so that Thecreepoff.com Me and my friend Vinnie Paulino Host a show We're doing a roast Coming up this Saturday

I heard I came up On the creep off At one point Oh yeah I'm sure you did Yeah I think you were The biggest creep

Me and a Me and a cat Had a time Oh cause that Masturbating a cat thing I didn you were The biggest creep Me and a cat Had a time Oh cause that Masturbating a cat thing I didn't masturbate a cat I helped a cat With a medical procedure

Of coming Yeah That's masturbating a cat Yeah that's masturbating Well It was a It was a very Loving maneuver

Mike Hunt for five Telling Persian people They are Iranian And that Persian No longer exists. Nichols them to no end. I'll have to try that. I tried that on Pawnee. Oh, really? It didn't work.

You called her Iranian? I said, I don't know. Is she going to be on the show this Sunday? Can she be? I tried for you. Oh, that would have been nice. Pineapple man is trying to get like I saw you in Iran and she ranch because it's Persia. Nice and

a chip of a cat. Yeah. You did everything you could. Well, Pineapple Man for $5 seems to be trying to get like a cameo. Oh. Where he's trying to trick me into reading a promotional script. You know what? I'll give it to him.

My name is Vito Giswaldi, and I fully endorse Pineapple Man on YouTube. His videos are so funny. Wow. Wowee. Shout out to Bag of Schmidt. There you go, Pineapple Man. Good job. Good job, Pineapple Man. Beautiful.

You're a good reader. I am a great reader. That's pretty good. Mike Hunt for five. Race swapping is not a problem in Ring of Power race swap super killer he could be like a black version of himself you know

that could be a whole thing Drunken Atheist Studio for two $1 for Carl nope $1 for Stuttering John's charity that's how that works we will give the dollar to Stuttering John's charity I'll give it right to his PayPal I think we're going to help him out. We got a couple more super chats. Hey, I don't

no problem with that. Guys, that's my fault. I tweeted out a link to this. You idiots. You moron. How dare you give us viewers. Pace Pop Pete for two. Carl, if you think you can double vote, do it. Yeah. Who's to say I didn't? Go double vote. I'm not admitting it on the internet.

Yeah, I just go to my girlfriend and go, Did you read about how DeSantis tricked a bunch of felons into voting when they're not allowed to? Like, he sent a guy to specifically register felons. DeSantis was fucking election frauding? Yes, he was election frauding. Oh, I see, okay. Weird, so only one party does that?

Yes, only one party does that. That's surprising. I would think that if one party knew the other party was doing it, they would also do, oh, okay. The party of cheating and stealing your line. I went to my local voting thing, and I gave them the last name and address of every single neighbor I had. Sure.

Smart. One of whom is apparently Danny DeVito. That's how you do it. You found Danny DeVito lives under your block? Yeah. We got to go egg his house. Daniel Son for five. Carl put more effort and research into this episode than the entirety of the three.

By the way, I was thinking about that when I was researching this. I'm like, Vini's going to give me shit for this. I put in a lot of research in this episode. Well, you wanted to win. FedEx the Great for five. Carl, do you think it's implausible for John to just be too profoundly Arsler to run a charity correctly? I believe that he is profoundly Arsler. Is he really a substitute teacher?

Yeah, he's substitute teaching for algebra for seventh graders. It kind of sounds like he's out of money, which doesn't make sense to me, though. Why? Well, because I thought he was getting a pension from The Tonight Show. It should be, like, pretty sizable. You would think, but I don't know. Why would you give that guy any money? Why would anybody ever give that guy any money?

I don't fucking know. We'll see what happens. Well, that might be the end of the Super Chats. I want to thank everybody who came in. Dick, don't forget to put up the list of our greatest supporters. I do need to update the list for this month. This is our greatest supporters from June? No, from August.

From August. It was last month. I just got updated, but I want to thank all the dickheads and veto files for supporting the show. Our Patreon continues to grow. Eventually we will surpass Carl, at which point. It doesn't sound like it. I don't think so.

He's got energy. We got to get into a spat with a stuttering John. I like the dickheads. Look at him. He's got energy. We got to find... We got none of that. I should to think because look at him. He's got energy. We got to find energy. We got none of that. I should have.

You're right. I should have coached Eric July to become our stuttering job. But Eric July is not a pratfall. He doesn't embarrass himself. No one's even listening anymore, but I probably should

have said this earlier. We're going to be live in Detroit September 30th. WATPLive.com and get those tickets. We're live in New York City October 15th. You can just plug on my show. WATPNYC.com You can get those tickets We're live in New York City October 15th You can just plug on my show

WATPNYC.com All the links are on WhoAreThese.com Thank you But we're going to be live In Detroit and New York If you're near those areas Come out

It's a lot of fun Alright I want to come out I want to We got to You want to come out? We should go to a show I don't know

What are you going to do? Are you doing one in LA ever? Have you done one in LA? I have not done one in LA We've done Chicago We've done Nashville Yeah it'll I have not done one in LA. We've done Chicago. We've done Nashville. Yeah, it'll be late. It'll be busy in Venice.

We've got Detroit and we've got New York. We'll see. I mean, people have asked for a West Coast show, so. We'll see if we can make it happen. I won't get there on time. Obviously, if we do a show in LA. Oh, I'm sorry. I left three days ago.

I'm sorry I'm not here on time. I am not here. Biggestproblem.show. Check out the bonus episodes at Patreon.com Thanks to everybody Don't forget to vote it up Goodbye W-A-T-P Make sure to actually end the show this time

Hanging around Dicking around