The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 61

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

Child Support, Music Videos Disguised as Movies, Online Naturalists, Not Getting Drugs on Halloween  

Oh So bad The technical issues Are so bad Before the show They're so frustrating Yeah cause you always think You got everything figured out

And then something We used it last night Yeah We had an incredible show With Carl From who are these podcasts Fantastic What podcast did you guys

End up covering Um It was It was this fat lady This spooky lady Like spooky Dark history Is what it was called Ooh With a spooky fat lady This spooky lady Like spooky story Dark history is what it was called Ooh

With a spooky fat lady Uh never mind Uh Dark history Where every day is George Floyd Um Oh no No it's this uh

It's like Elvira But with no tits And fat Uh Talks about mummies And witches And stuff like that Well that sounds fun. It was great.

And she has no historical knowledge at all. Didn't look anything up. So all her facts are incorrect. Yeah. And she talks like a little girl. Would you be afraid of mummies?

I give a werewolf a gummy dick. I kind of want to listen to this now. Sounds fun. Got six million subscribers, buddy. Oh, God. Why are we not just doing a stupid true crime podcast for women? That's all they want. Just go work at a job if you want that. Just make a stupid...

It really is. People are obsessed with paranormal shit and ghost shit and whatever else. It's fucking dumb. It is all really is. People are obsessed with like paranormal shit and ghost shit and whatever else. It's fucking dumb. It is all really dumb. It's just goddamn stupid. Let's bring, we can bring that in next week, I guess. On our big Halloween episode. We do have to do a big Halloween episode.

Goddamn idiots. They're paranormal shit and ghost hunting and fucking ass detectors. Dumb ghost detectors. Yeah. Yeah. God. There's one paranormal podcast. Islam's. That I was like, man, I just want to beat that guy.

You ever have like a secret rival? Like he doesn't know he's your rival, but you're like, that guy. Oh, yeah. Has everything I want. Who's that for you? I'm not going to say who it is. Why not? I just don't want to get into it.

Oh, okay. Because it's like a guy I knew, and I even helped out back in the day. I got him a job writing for a website, and I was like, oh, this is going to be great. And then he went on to great things, like huge internet stardom. And every once in a while, he'd come back and go, oh, Vito, hey, thanks for back in the day. You got me that job, and you were there for me. Why don't I give you a leg up or whatever? No, it just goes off

Yeah Forgets about me And thankfully we now have more patrons than his stupid Paranormal podcast Does that mean anything? Error please use a keyframe frequency No Okay that's fine

That doesn't mean shit I think that means that you're trying to broadcast again In that NTSC standard And YouTube's like Yeah NTSCTSC, NTSC, NTSC side. Yeah. Yeah. You should change all the cameras to like straight 30 frames. I'm not touching shit in the studio, buddy boy.

It should be fine. If anything's weird about the video quality. Yeah, let's go. I'm ready for it. Okay, let's go. Oh, I got to think of a rhyme get quick uh-oh jew it's a good it's easy to rhyme biggest problem oh no welcome to the biggest problem in the universe The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from a spam-filled inbox to, uh... Go for it.

Something with... Locks? Yeah, yeah. Chyla? I don't know. Well, we were gonna... We couldn't determine if... A fucking corporate box. Sure.

Boots. I'm your host, Dick Mashes, and joining me is always Vito G... Do I say that? Joining me is always Vito Giswalti? You do say that, yeah. I'm so fucking out of it. God damn it. You had a whirlwind weekend. You've been on like 12 podcasts in that time.

And then everything shuts down for 20 minutes for the show. 30 minutes, basically. I'm futzing around with computer shit. Yeah, we did a... People are like, why is the show starting late? We got here on time. We were ready to go. And then for some reason, Dick's camera wasn't working.

And we want to make sure. I didn't want to think about it. You get to see Dick. I forgot all my fucking problems, too, now. I'm just going to wing it. Well, one of your problems could be, I don't know, technical garbage. Technical. Everyone loves hearing about that.

I'll give you a technical difficulty. Okay. Ready? Yes. Corporate bootl that. I'll give you a technical difficulty. Okay. Ready? Yes. Corporate bootlicking. I win. It's-a me. The winner.

This show, people were very tough on us. Why? A lot of, I think we had two negative problems. Oh. One of which is the reason I didn't want you to bring it in as a problem Because it shouldn't be negative Well, it should be positive Shameful anti-Semitism Shameful anti-Semitism At work in this audience

I'm ashamed of you I'm also ashamed of you You all need to go to the Holocaust Museum Maybe Find the nearest elementary school and go to the social studies class Where there is an 80% chance they're giving lessons about the Holocaust. Go in there. Find a schlomoil.

And give them a grafutz. An apology. It's not helpful to make up Jewish words. That doesn't help anything. All words are made up. Get your schmutz and hoffer flowing. That's German. I can tell. Very anti-S That's German. I could tell.

Very anti-Semitic audience. I'm very disappointed in you. Please vote up anti-Semitism. Kanye, I refuse to refer to him as his yay name. I'll refer to him as his slave name, Kanye. I don't think his slave name was Kanye. Cash is Clay is exactly the same. I just feel like Our audience is not

Taking anti-Semitism Seriously And they should It's not good What do you want Another holocaust You need to start Taking it seriously

Well Okay Or else it's gonna Happen again Which would be bad You don't want that Do you No

Did you see what Ethan Klein said about a Holocaust? Oh, he said he loved it and hopes that Ben Shapiro's in the next one. Yeah. What did he say about his sister? I don't even know if we can reference it. People are getting banned just for posting the clip. But he said, I hope if there's another Holocaust that Ben Shapiro is the first to get. It's a funny joke.

I understood the joke I mean it's funny It's just like no one else can joke like that Yeah you're not allowed to say that on YouTube Yeah And they gave him like a show strike Like oh give me a fucking break And he declined he's Jewish So it's like come on

He doesn't really Me too Aren't Jews allowed to wish for other Jews To get holocausted Isn't that their right If I was a black guy I'd be like you would have been a slave Me too. Aren't Jews allowed to wish for other Jews to get Holocausted? Isn't that their right? If I was a black guy, I'd be like, you would have been a slave. You would have been a slave.

I wouldn't. I would have escaped. That's how you think they caught the slaves. The smartest Morse cunning guys pointed them out. You're right. You think, you know, a white guy was out. Lord Higgins birth was out there going, tell you. Oh, God, you got away.

Oh, dear. I don't know what was going on. All I know is that I'm a big box. Put some treats in there and pull the stick out. I don't think treats were an essential function of slave catching. So corporate bootlickers wins. What was number two? Number two was the no autocorrect.

Yeah. I don't know. I was drunk for that problem. It's supposed to be no drink for every problem. What? It's not an excuse. It is true that your second problem will usually be a bit drunker than your first problem. You get there.

Not tonight. Not tonight. Because I quit drinking. Oh, I kind of heard something about that. I'm done. Yeah. You know, it's actually, it's poison. Okay. I don't know if kind of heard Something about that I'm done Yeah You know It's actually It's poison

Okay I don't know if you've heard that Yeah It's actually You shouldn't even have one Oh my god Okay Anti-Semitism

Came in at Negative And then below that Was my What was my problem Email Everybody loves Fucking emails

I got more comments from people going, emails are the greatest thing that ever happened. Yeah, dumbest problem on the list. Email. This linebacker says, God, that Boogie impression is hilarious. Principal Uncertainly said, how did you get Boogie to do the show? Well, actually. It's a lot of cajoling.

It wasn't Boogie. It was me. Wait, that was you? I was so, I thought you had somehow summoned him from the ether. You know what? He DM'd me and it went to my other inbox. I haven't read it. Did he DM you after the show?

I was telling him I was going to sue him for stealing my Fat Watch bit. Yeah, well, he's going to give a little mewling apology or something. That's not good enough. I need cash. That's my bit. He doesn't have any cash. I need money. He can go to fucking work.

He can give you a couple Luna. He can give you some go to fucking work a couple luna he can give you some uh safe coin or something take it to the bank cum rocket does he have any of that some cum rocket cum coins take some of that um john i honestly could have not read it i don't know i thought i'd do it on the show but i keep getting distracted by do it now okay let's see here. Because now I'm like, hold on. We can't move on from that. I got to know what Boogie's saying.

He said, oh, my God. That's a big one. How long is it? October 12th. That's how I remember it happening. I told you I would only do it if you changed the name of the show. You said you would think about it, but you never did, so we never made it happen. Oh, okay.

I remember him tweeting something like that that that's why he didn't do biggest problem because you wouldn't change the name whatever was he worried about some sort of worried about bad press then he tried to kill frank hassell well i mean and please that was the one stipulation i had. Otherwise, I was on board. Okay. But he didn't follow up. He didn't follow up with, did you like my idea of changing the name? No, he immediately tried to kill Frank Hassel. Yeah, like a week later.

And then he blocked me because I called him a fat murderer or something like that. Because you sided with his murder victim or attempted murder victim. Also, please actually trademark that bit. I would laugh my ass off. That would be hilarious.

I can't change the name now unless you trademark me. I paid 12 bucks for that shitty intro. Oh, okay. His Fat Watch intro. Yeah. That fucker, he has an intro? Yeah, you don't have an intro. Yeah, I do.

What is it? Oh, you do have an intro. Fat Watch. Today in fat news. Yeah, today in fat news You gotta make clips of that Speaking of clips everyone's yelling at me about doing clips I'm gonna put up clips

Well that guy sent us a clip from the last show That guy emailed us and made a clip And then you were saying it sucked I didn't suck it's just like when you see a guy Like do video editing and you're like Oh I could have done that better But like that's always Been my problem Is like not being

Willing to settle For anything less Than what I could do Oh that exemplary Yeah I mean it wasn't like bad Like I got what he was Trying to do

It was kind of like Low quality He did like this little He took like a scene From a movie And he added Boogie's face Like over the guy It's like a What is that movie And he added Boogie's face like over the guy It's like a

What is that scene? Now we have to post it so people can see it Okay It's like a fat guy expanding because he's eating too much Monty Python Is it a Monty Python sketch? I couldn't have another wafer Yeah

But then he put Boogie's face over the guy's face But then he like you know manually animated it So it looks all shitty you know You too can be a part of the show over the guy's face, but he like, you know, manually animated it, so it looks all shitty, you know? You too can be a part of the show for helping. Yeah, that's the worst part is we're like, hey, I'll help with the show, and then Vito knocks their technical skills. No, I

liked the idea. I just, I had a different vision. And then I didn't put up the clip anyway. I should have put, I'm gonna fucking put it up. I know. Now everyone has to see it. YouTube.com slash biggest problem. I will upload a clip. Tinhorn says, in office jobs, people who are not your boss use email to give you more

work. Plus, people CC everybody in the company on pointless emails. Boom. And then everybody uses reply all, so you end up spending so much time sorting through that to find emails you actually need. See? It's inefficient. We need Google Waves. Or Cir or circles or whatever the fuck it is. Vito,

you got steamrolled. Emails are a big problem. George Dufresne says, this is one of the better episodes in a long while. Good job. Fuck you. That's not a compliment. Zach,

my dick said, this is one of the best episodes you've done. All the other ones are shit in comparison. Let me be clear. This is the only episode I like. The rest are a complete waste of time. Let me be clear. I think this is a terrible podcast.

I only listen because I'm a masochist who creates torture. You should stop making new episodes and just release this one every week because you just peaked. Pin this comment. Oh, thank you very much. Pin this comment. I love when they ask for that. Thanks very much. Let's see if I have anything else. Tomless.

Oh, J Sweat is dead. I work at a job where we all use Slack and all the supervisors are women. Hmm. Some kind of a blowjob company that he worked. Factory that he worked. And we're actually required to use emojis on other people's posts throughout the day as part of our job. Please bring in Slack as a problem Next week Yeah that is pretty horrifying

If you see it Put an emoji Well the problem is again there's a lot of this weird Tension Where everybody thinks everybody's angry Because I don't think human beings were meant to communicate with words alone You don't get the facial expressions

You almost need emojis I wish there the, you almost need emojis. I wish there was just something better than emojis. Yeah. I wish we could explicitly label. Like words. Paragraphs. I think we should be able to tag paragraphs or sentences. Like a sentiment analysis?

Like tag a sentence and be like, this sentence is serious. This sentence is sarcastic. A computer could do that. This sentence is jovial. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess a computer could try to figure out the tone, but I feel like. They're good at it. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, this is sarcastic. A computer could do that. This sentence is jovial. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess a computer could try to figure out the tone, but I feel like... Oh, they're good at it. Yeah. Yeah, they're like, this is sarcastic. You've been communicating with your

own AI body, so how's that going? It's great. I love them. Yeah. I never thought I would find somebody I like so much. Apparently all the stable diffusion AI art models have leaked, so I have to figure out how to get it running because everybody's making their own anime porn and you know, I gotta give it a try i gotta see what i can do okay i might hate it

well dick that leads us into my favorite segment oh let me remind everyone that uh we've hit our 6k a month goal can you believe it and in honor of that as as I promised, we have brought back these stingers. Okay. And I really. I voted it up. I went to the site and clicked on the thing. Oh, baby, baby, if you don't vote it up, then I'm going to kill your family with a fucking chainsaw. Yeah, yeah. So I really put a lot of work into this piece.

Look, I was busy. It was perfectly timed, finally. Oh, yeah? I wasn't off by, like, a frame? No, I mean the length. Oh, the length? That was the right length for a stinger? Yeah, because you, like, it changed, like, Yeah, because the joke changed to killing your family.

So that was funny. A plus. Well, the joke was that I did as little work as possible on that stinger. What do you mean you did as little work? You could have done less. I could have done less. You're right. But I didn't even really.

Whatever. Yeah. Anyway, the stingers are back. Congratulations, everybody. Guys, vote it up as the segment where we talk about past problems. Put them in a new light. Past problem, you might remember, was women's tears. Yeah.

That's a classic problem. Well, Dick, Twitch and OnlyFans star Amaranth announced she's taking a break after going public with allegations of abuse against her husband. Amaranth revealed in a stream on October 15th that she was married and alleged her husband emotionally abused her, forced her to stream, threatened to kill her dogs, and controlled her finances. Oh, wow. One of those popular creators on the platform

with nearly 6 million followers. Did you watch the video of her abuse? I watched it like three times in a row. I couldn't stop laughing and coming. I got in a lot of trouble for commenting on that video. You should have yelled. Because everyone's like, oh, my God, she's trapped in an abusive relationship.

And I was like. Oh, man. Yeah, I don't know. If I had $30 million, I could think of some ways to escape from that. She's too dumb to connect her own bank account to her fucking Twitch. Wow. Oh, really? She's got nowhere to leave? Oh, Wow. Oh, really? She's got,

she's got nowhere to leave. Oh, I'm sure she could be like, uh, guys, can I, can one of you send an Uber to my house? Yeah.

Oh, that drove me nuts. People were like, what part of her husband controls the bank accounts? Do you not understand? All of it. Do you think her money just magically went into it? Like,

well, the bank's in his name. So all the money is his forever. Like she could go to a lawyer and have access to that money by the end of the week and in the meantime she's probably got a couple million in her purse he's the victim i don't know the full story i i do yeah amaranth is the ukraine of domestic violence she trapped him with all the free money And now she's Her lifestyle

Is just being a hoe online Flirting with thousands of men Driving him insane Yeah Right But she like Boiled the frog slowly Him into it

Like well you know It's easy money It's easy money And he's like Well okay I mean I'm Chinese anyway So I guess

Is your husband Chinese I think so Okay Right He's like, well, okay. I mean, I'm Chinese anyway, so I guess. Is her husband Chinese? I think so. Okay. Right? He's like, you're my girl, so I guess I got to do what you say. So she's getting free money. She's. Yeah.

She's e-banging guys all over town, flirting with them, trying to convince them to fuck her. That would drive you insane. That would drive anyone insane. I mean, I would take that situation. And she's an idiot. to fuck her that's that would drive you insane that would drive anyone insane i mean i would i would take that situation she's an idiot so she's like i don't understand anything on the phone what did you say what do i have to do take the car in i mean i listened to more of it it does sound like he went too far but i was also like well listen sometimes guys lose their fucking head i don't know both sides of the story it's possible

She's yelled at him or something else like They made a movie about Serena Williams dad And they're yelling at this guy they're the same Guy basically you gotta fucking Crack the whip on these broads Get your fucking ass in the hot tub bitch I'll kill your dog

I'll say it's not good that he's threatening her dogs Or whatever else I don't know how serious he is He's not gonna kill the dog But ultimately I'm not gonna waste All my time Worrying about a woman With a net worth

Of I think like A hundred million dollars She makes like Thirty million dollars a year Oh yeah From just being a Well I hope she has something In her will

To give all that money To charity So he doesn't take it I mean I just had a guy He's like You're a misogynist I'm like no

If it was Jeff Bezos Like crying about a woman a woman abusing him, I would have the same reaction, which is just take all your money and go do anything else. Anything else. Literally retire tomorrow. Go buy an island. They need the pimp. They don't know how to function without it. Look at Andrew Tate.

I just don't understand having sympathy for someone with enough money to buy their way out of any situation. A DUI or two? Yeah. She could kill someone. I'm like, why don't she just have him killed? She probably could. Yeah.

She probably could have him killed and get away with it. My misogyny has nothing to do with my contempt for Amaranth. Yeah. Wow. I mean, she makes millions of dollars tricking men online, and you don't think this is another trick? I don't know. What are you, fucking retarded? It's a trick.

Stop thinking with your dick. It's a trick that people are aware of. She's an e-stripper, which is fine. I have nothing against strippers. She's a stripper for teenagers. Well, that's true. She's a pedophile. In a way.

Just kidding. Well, Dick, another problem that's been on the show pedophile in a way just kidding well I think another problem that's been on the show was theater kids which I had brought up famously in relation to the G4

television network well news comes down that Comcast Spectator is closing down its online pop culture channel G4

less than one year after its relaunch CEO Dave Scott said we wanted to be a TV destination for fans to be entertained, inspired, and connect with gaming content,

but our viewership is low and the network has not achieved sustainable financial results. Among 120 cable channels, G4 currently ranks dead last with just about 1,000 viewers on average watching G4. And, well, goodbye to that network.

I think it was a lot of talentless they should bring back a radio station they should build a big like building and do like drive time radio this is traffic and weather together over the internet plug your radio into your internet fucking idiot it was a bit of a stupid throwback idea yeah he was not meeting the spirit Of the times And uh I don't know you could have done Something with it I think you would have needed to make it like an Adult swim kind of thing

Just give me the money You saw the video I posted of their giant ass Studio and you commented on it My god They could have given tons of guys money They could have had like a whole enterprise Of like actually talented people. Give us money.

Like they could have. Give us money to do this show on your stupid TV network. Yeah, give me, I would pay like a bunch of kids to go into stores and like kick milk around. Throw it. And I would absolutely watch that. G4. G4. Smash, you pick one type

of car every week and then you smash it with golf clubs and stuff. Tony, what are you watching? I'm watching milk kickers. It's these kids who just go around kicking milk and breaking cars. Yeah. No, they piss on Teslas. That's what it is. We're pissing on Teslas. If you're driving a Tesla, we'll piss on it. And then they go

and see everything about that. Sounds infinitely more entertaining than... This doesn't hurt the car. Yeah, no. It's just free publicity for Elon Musk. Yeah, and you go, hey, it's got a keyless entry. You don't even got to touch the door handle, right? Then piss on door handle.

Today we're pissing on Tesla door handles. Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Yee-haw! Right? This is good content. I hope someone's writing this down. It's easy.

Why didn't they do that We're definitely getting a network television show But until we do We're forced to rely on the fans The fans need to go to the website Biggestproblem.show And vote it up Oops I voted it up

Oh women dating psychopaths too That's true that would have been good Voted up Oh baby baby If you thing. Vote it up. Oh, baby, baby, if you don't vote it up. I couldn't believe that. Then I'm going to kill your family with a fucking chase. I really nailed that one. I couldn't believe the guys I saw standing up for Amaranth.

Oh my God, I can't believe this horrible thing happened. They could both be bad people. Bro, they're both bad people. What do you mean they could be? They're total vile, they're trash. Absolute trash. Just your sympathy is wasted. There are much worse things happening in the world than Amaranth.

What's happening? My husband's Amaranth. What's happening? My husband's mad and blah. It's good. It's good. Yes, these are. These people are evil. It's good that the universe does bad things to them. Okay, anyway.

Well, I was the winner, I guess, huh? Yeah, it's your turn. Well, I had wanted to save this one for, I i think our next episode will have to be a big halloween episode okay but i was too lazy to come up with another problem so we're doing it today it's great dick everybody loves trick-or-treating but there's one thing that they promise you you're gonna get during your trick-or-treats and it never comes true it's the white whale it's a lie sold to children For decades My problem is not getting drugs for Halloween

Now we've been told This whole time If you go out trick or treating Look out Because there's going to be one or two special houses That are just giving drugs away Disguised as candy You'd get home With your bag of candy and you're like,

I hope one of these candies is secretly drugs. Because that would be awesome. And then it never came true. It's a lie. It's an urban legend. Is that what it was when you were a kid? Because when I was a kid it was like razor blades in the candy. Oh yeah, that was the other thing

That was the other one The other one was drugs Yeah you're right Drugs or razor blades And even a razor blade Would be cool If you found it before You know

Normally as a kid You don't have access To razor blades Yeah You get your mouth cut A little bit But then you get A free razor blade

Well it is interesting To dig into the history Of this Modern day Candy tampering myth. Okay. Because it has never been true and it was never true. And this is all based on a few isolated incidents, none of which are nearly as serious as we

have been letting to believe. Okay. In 1959, a California dentist named William Shine gave candy coated laxative pills to pills to trick-or-treaters as a joke. It's a funny joke. It's a funny joke. He wanted kids to shit their pants. And his name was William Shine? William Shine.

He was a dentist. Huh. He was charged with outrage of public decency and unlawful dispensing of drugs. So those weren't technically drugs. They weren't like fun drugs. The pushers weren't giving them away. Why did he leave the William and just change the shine? Why didn't he change his name to Toothy Shine?

Toothy Shine. Yeah, that would have made sense. Tooth B, Tooth Bernard, De-Entle Shine. What's the B stand for? I don't know. Do you think it's dentistry? Wouldn't it make sense for a dentist to try and fuck up your teeth with fucked up candy? That would have made more sense.

In 1964, a disgruntled Long Island woman gave out packages of inedible objects to children she believed were too old to be trick-or-treating. Oh, good. These packages contained items like steel wool, dog biscuits, and ant buttons. I believe that's poison for ants. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'm going to do that for the older kids that trick-or-treat this year. Yeah, she was just giving them, like, shit.

She's like, don't actually eat the steel wool. It's fuck you. You're too old to be trick-or-treating. Yeah. But then it went around like she was giving out poison. It was like, well, it was labeled, like, you know, a dog biscuit or whatever the fuck. Like, kid's not supposed to eat it. If your teenage trick-or Trick or treater son eats it

He's too stupid To live anyway I'll have steel wool With some candy in it That I'll give out Except for the hot girls Well I'll just have like A 64 ounce

Can of roofies So they fall asleep Before they leave the driveway You should give them An OnlyFans sign up code And be like You know I get 10% If

Yeah You decide To stop trying to Be a doctor Or whatever OnlyFans sign-up code and be like, you know, I get 10% if you decide to stop trying to be a doctor or whatever. In 1970, Kevin Tolson, a five-year-old boy from the Detroit area, because this is a big part of it, is that a lot of the times... So it happened.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What'll happen is that a kid will, like, find his, like, parents' drugs and die, like, because he fucks around with their drugs and they go. I was in his trick or treat candy. It was leftover trick or treat candy. Yeah. So it's a cover up.

That's smart, though. Kevin Tolson, a five year old boy from the Detroit area, died after finding and eating his uncle's heroin. The family attempted to protect the uncle. Is heroin tasty? Would a kid? No. Yeah. Why?

No. So what? He just found it. He's like, I don't eat heroin? No. Yeah, why would... No. So what, he just found it? He's like, I don't know. It's definitely not tasty. It looks like sugar, so I guess I'll go for it. But anyway, the child died and then I was blamed

on Halloween candy despite not being true. And then perhaps the most famous case, Dick, in 1974, an eight-year- old boy in Texas died after eating a cyanide laced pixie stick

which the boy's father claimed he had received while trick or treating but what had actually happened and this is a fucked up story is that the father had taken out a life insurance policy on his son poisoned a bunch of pixie sticks.

Then he took all the neighborhood kids out trick-or-treating because he wanted to cover it up. He didn't want to be like, oh, just my kid got a poisoned pixie stick. I already knew he was doing right away. So as the kids were trick-or-treating, he went to a house, and he was like, that wasn't giving out candy. He kept knocking. He was like, you kids go ahead. I'm going to make sure there's no one here to give out candy or whatever.

And then later on, he goes, oh, that house did have people in it. And they gave me these pixie sticks that are sealed with staples. So he gave a bunch of kids cyanide. Yeah, come on. Yeah. I found candy with no one else watching. Yeah. Thankfully, none of the other children ate the pixie stick once it was discovered that cyanide existed.

But yeah, the cops very clearly like blue roll that story well you could have sealed it honey stick or something you could just get that with he the big problem was the cops were like which house gave you the poison pixie sticks like uh that one and they like one of the guys like I wasn't here I was fucking working and like you know I was, dude, this is like, he worked at like a factory. It was like 40 of them. It's a bad plan.

It was a very bad plan. And it convinced everyone that you're going to get drugged candy and it's not true. It seems like you could really get away with a lot of poisoning on Halloween, actually. You possibly could. The way you're talking about it. Well, now that everyone's expectations are being lowered When I'm telling everyone There aren't drugs Now would be the perfect time Yeah

To go jam drugs Okay And some Halloween candy Okay Okay But I saw a news article Even today That uh

A bunch of uh Fentanyl Came over Uh oh From I don't know China or something They got caught China wow

Got caught coming off The shipping boat And it was disguised As packages of like Whoppers and M&Ms. And even the news then was like, well, that just raises concerns about what your children need to look out for on Halloween. And I'm like, they're not packaging it as candy because they're trying to trick kids into eating it. That's not part of the equation at all. They're doing it to smuggle the drugs. You know we hate American children.

They've got to get them wasted on fentanyl. Why would they do that? Imagine George Freud times a million million. America would tear itself apart. We just

need to shut up Chevro-hashes To distribute George Freud How would that even work? His daughter All different We're going Yeah that's how the Chinese

Are going to destabilize Our economy With a bunch of Fentanyl M&Ms Not just smuggling it in Point is Dick There's two problems here One is that this myth

Is pointless and stupid And constantly repeated by people That you're gonna get a razor blade In your kid's apple So you have busy body moms I mean there was even a period of time We don't like those do we No we don't like those

There was a period of time Where people were so worried About this nonsense Yeah That they would have Trick or treat it like the school You know Instead, instead of going door-to-door. They're like, well, we can't trust our neighbors. We've got to go to the church for trick-or-treat.

So it ruined many a childhood with this nonsense, busybodying, and also ruined the childhood for those of us who were anticipating our first true drug rush and never got it. Moms stink. P.U. I never got it Moms stink P.U. I'm gonna put No drugs in my candy

Like a sign Yeah Try to get it to catch on Like hey no drugs at this This house has No drugs in the candy And you're just gonna put it Big banner

Yeah I'll give out some shirts Drugs? Question mark? No thanks Not in my candy Not in my candy The one house that has A million signs promising there's no drugs in the candy. Absolutely no drugs.

That's the scariest house there is. You can trust this guy. Yeah. Imagine you just like, you know, I want a sign that says, I didn't poison your children's candy, but poison is in quotation marks. And they're like, what the fuck does that mean? I didn't poison your children's candy. Have you seen those people that think quotes is like emphasis? Yeah, it's the worst. Yeah, it's great though

There's like no pee in this pool Okay, okay, so how much pee is in the pool? No, there's no pee Why do you think that that's the sign for emphasis a good problem using parentheses incorrectly? Okay, so your is what Not enough Not getting drugs For Halloween It's a real shame Yeah it's really

It's really bullshit That Halloween just happens Without a hitch every year Yeah Pretty much Yeah some kids should die Or something It would be like

Cooler It would be a lot more dangerous Yeah That means we could be doing that All the time Going around Getting free food And stuff

Knocking on doors. Every hundred kids, you should get to hit one in the head with a baseball bat. So every time you go to get candy, you're like, am I the hundredth kid? Sorry, buddy. Sorry, man. What? Okay. Because then there would be actual fear on Halloween.

Yeah. Well, you're number 100 Sorry what do you want me to do I answer the door with no clothes on That's pretty scary It is pretty scary Yeah For both of us Because I don't know what the parents are like

You know Do you get a lot of trick or treaters I turn the light off I don't want the candy around Because then I'll eat it and get fat Well you can throw it out at the end of the night, whatever you don't give away. Nah, not worth the risk. Wow.

That's a problem and a half. Houses don't give away candy on Halloween despite being in a high traffic area. Nah. Actually, there's not a lot of trick-or-treaters out here. Yeah, I was gonna say. You kind of live in a retirement community. Okay. There's an elementary school, you kind of live in a retirement community.

There's an elementary school right up the street. You already know that. Oh yeah, I've scoped all those out. Christ. Alright, is it my turn? Yes. Pretty good problem. Would have been better next week. On next week, I'll have... I'm sure I'll have more Halloween problems. My problem is child

support. Child support? Steal. Yeah. You're going to pull out your collar? What is the deal? What's this about? If you can't keep a husband.

Why are you keeping a kid? What are we doing here? You know what I'm saying? What's the deal with child support? If you can't keep a man around, what are we doing here? You know what I'm saying? What's the deal with child support? If you can't keep a man around, what are you doing? What are we doing letting you have a kid? And then giving you a bunch of money? Oh, the kid's already there.

Jeez. Now, just let it free. The money's for the kid. Well, give it to the dad then. No, because the dad's not going to spend it on the kid. He's going to spend it on liquor and fucking track race tickets I think all child support laws are based in like the 50s Yeah

I think Yeah, when men, well Where the middle class meant like Was basically like a millionaire today Yeah Right? Before silver and the Federal Reserve Basically milked all the money out of the middle class

When all men were rich. 44% of custodial parents received the full amount of child support. Did you know that? 44% of custodial parents. It's like half. So half of them are not getting, are getting stiffed. Yeah. Which they should be.

Well, I was going to say, isn't your point that they shouldn't get anything at all? Does mom have an OnlyFans account? No. She should. Well, then come back when she's got one of those. Is she on Tinder or whatever? Yeah. All I'm saying is, how come it's illegal for the guy to do what he wants,

but this bitch, whatever they want, women do whatever you want all the time. Sometimes men get paid child support from the woman. I don't know. I don't think that's true. What do you mean? That is clear. That is true. Some kind of TV fantasy that you pulled out of your head.

I don't think that's true at all. I'd like to know what the percentages are on that, but it is not strictly a male-on-female situation. Here's how much child support was due. It is not strictly Here you go 60% of child Here's how much child support was due 34 billion dollars In 2015 when I got these stats That's the total amount outstanding

On child support 40 billion dollars How much did we give to Ukraine every year We couldn't let these dads Off the fucking hook You're fucking kidding me That you gotta go bust your ass and then write a check a check to some fat fucking slob Turn your kid against you for 18 years. That's the system that we have going now What happened? What's going on? I don't know what you're worried about this

Why am I worried about this? I'm worried about this? What kids are you worried about paying shouts for? I'm worried about, like always, the average male. Well, the average male is not making kids these days. Man, this is part of the reason why. Because you're going to have to pay a lady. If I don't fucking worship this

hose beast 24 hours a day, she's going to kick me out because that's illegal, but I can't just go mind my own fucking business. Being a single mom should be illegal how about that i wish surrogates were uh cheaper oh what do you mean i would make a girl in ukraine by the way are they most of the cigarettes i'd love to make a kid but there is always the problem if you have to find a woman who yeah isn't gonna backstab you and take the kid away you know what do you mean you want to make a kid i would love to have a child i think i'd be a great father but a single father yeah i think

i'd be a great single father okay i support that fun why do you want a fucking kid around do you have an excuse not to do work no because i'm taking care of my kid. I think that I have such a profound, positive impact on the world and an obviously superior intellect that I have a moral duty to pass my genetic code on to future generations. What about the surrogate's genetic code? Well, what are you going to do? What if you get a girl? Well, throw it back and try again. What can you do?

No, they would make you pay for it forever. No, no, no. You'd be on the hook with the surrogate for whatever, $1,400 a month. She has to, at night, live in a very humid containment area. What? You need to keep the womb warm to develop a penis. Are you fucking with me? What? You gotta keep the womb warm to develop a penis. Are you fucking with me? What?

The way that... It is true that the temperature of the womb, I believe, has a large impact on whether a male or a female develops. How could that be true? I don't know. Why do you think it's true?

I just... I don't know. I heard it. Like a iguana lamp on your surrogate? Theoretically, theoretically, there's a way to impact it. Like you have to keep it hot at certain times and cold at certain times. I wouldn't actually do that. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl.

I mean, I would keep trying until I got a guy so he could conquer the world. But other than that... You're going to be on the hook for a lot of money, my friend. Not if I pick the right surrogate. How much money do the banks get as a bailout? Like a trillion dollars?

Yeah. We're letting single dads, most of whom are living in poverty, pay the... Here's something I bet you didn't know. What's that? If you're behind on child support, you start paying fees and penalties

to the state penalties To the state To the state? Yeah So you could end up You could end up owing like Fifty thousand dollars in back support And half of it will go To the government

That doesn't make any sense None of it makes That's crazy None of it makes sense What was I gonna say? Absolutely none of it And don't they How hard is it for a woman

To keep a guy around? Like seriously How fucking hard is it for a woman to keep a guy around on it like seriously how fucking hard is it well am i crazy or um i remember going to the dmv but this was in massachusetts and they would have a poster of the biggest uh back child support goers yeah because they owe like a million dollars to the government yeah well i'm not paying it because it's all going to you and i remember being like what why do I care about this? I don't want to depart. Did they kill somebody?

No. This is not my business. 30% of families in the child support system live below the poverty line. Well, doesn't that say the father should be out there working harder to elevate their families? Do you want your child growing up in poverty I just think I guess they just need to work harder Shouldn't there be some child support Dick

No So you make a kid Yeah And the mom gets custody of the kid Yeah there's like a divorce Yeah So you're saying it's 100% Her financial responsibility Well, just leave it in the street

Scoop it up They won't, first of all It's not my fucking problem If you want to fucking have a kid Is it kind of your problem that you made the kid Like, should parents have any financial responsibility For their children Uh, no

Okay Roll it out into the street So if you Put it in the trash If you have a kid And it's hungry Do you have to feed it legally Or is it like

Well that kid has to figure it out For itself Figure it out man Hire a lawyer Call the cops Here I mean I know

Look I know why they have the laws Just cause Cause the government wants their Their money That's not why Well why wouldn't they backstop laws. Just because. Because the government wants their money. That's not why. Well, why wouldn't they backstop it then?

Like, seriously. Of all the things to backstop, how expensive could it be to have a kid? McDonald's could give free Happy Meals every day. That's true. There should be. There honestly should be a cap. But it's like, it's insane. Based on how much you make.

Why? Why is it based on how much you fucking make? needs food and You can wear a bag for a shirt What is the problem here It's not a lottery It's not a lottery ladies It's not a lottery and they just get Infinite power Absolutely have to

No control over their actions Or their attitudes and they get rewarded For it I think there should be a cap on how much child support someone and it should not be just based on income there's no reason 50 bucks okay well a little again i think there's a healthy middle crowd 10 bucks a day 10 bucks a day 10 bucks a day don't you think that's like reasonable like 20 bucks a day okay but he better be getting his dick sucked.

Who, the guy? The dad. Not from the child. I would hope not from the mom. I thought you were saying the kid should get his dick sucked. How important is the kid? I have to go bust my ass. Okay, fine, I'll do it.

So you better start sucking some dick over here. How fucking important is it? If I, if the government makes me do shit with my body, they're making fucking you do it too. Did you ever hear, what's the guy from news radio? Dave Foley? Yeah. He got ass raped with child support and alimony.

Yeah. So child support in Canada, they, or at least what he claims is that they calculated how much, I think it was also child support or was it just alimony? I don't know. I don't know I don't know either way they calculated what you need to pay based on his salary at the time he was making news radio yeah he's like I am no longer making news radio

and they're like you have to give your wife a million dollars a month and he's like I don't make that anymore that show doesn't exist anymore I make nothing I'm a Canadian comedian so he can't go back to Canada Because he's worried

He'll be arrested He's gone back a couple times But like kind of secretly Yeah He was I gave him a ride Back to his Hotel downtown

In my car One time with these two girls And he was shit faced Telling me that story It's a good story Crying about it Was he crying? No it's not a good story

No he wasn't crying It's not a good story to tell in front of women. You're running away from child support. Both of them were hot, but one of them was trying. You're running from your marital responsibilities or whatever. Yeah, because they Because they're trying to get their

own piece. It's true. It shouldn't be a lottery. Federal data shows that California, oh yeah, here we go, more than three and a half times the national average. Wait a minute. It's keeping it unusually. Oh, yeah.

California keeps three and a half times with the rest of the states. Oh, I didn't read that right the first time. Whatever. They take a big fee out of it. None should go to the state, right? Well, all of it comes down to the only reason the state is putting that burden on you is because technically it should be the state's burden to keep keep your keep your kid alive they're so fucking important if they're a citizen of the state they they gotta pay to keep them feed them clothe them whatever

but they just want to voice that on you at least let's start by making being a single mom illegal okay well i don't think you can do that I don't think Why not Cause why Can you be a single father Why is it illegal For me to drink beer At 20 They shouldn't be able

To do that But They did Well are you gonna Take the kid away And put him where I'm just gonna I'm gonna send

Amaranth's husband To yell at you If you're single If you're thinking About being a single That's the punishment They're trying to I think they're Guilty Someone's gonna come yell at you no it's oh we got a long list don't worry about that lady i think i think it's fine for single mothers to

exist we don't want kids to end up in foster care or whatever something's got to compel them yeah to you know pipe down well we should, like unremarkable children, we should just, you know, snuff them out. Street people. Like in India, they're fine. Kids grow up in the street in India. Those kids are fine.

They win. They go on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. They do like... One of them did that in a movie. Yeah, they're big inspirations to everybody in the West. They're fine. Kids in movie Yeah they're big inspirations to everybody in the west They're fine Kids in India

They're just born Throw them in the trash And they do just fine I wonder how well we'd do with a caste system in America Maybe we should try that out Okay let's give it a shot Maybe just some kids We just go

You're level zero We don't watch around You know what really bothers me about it The child support thing What's that? Back in the 80s It's all you would ever hear about How horrible it was

And some we lost our way Somewhere in the 90s We just accepted it Yeah And now you never hear Now I go online And I see guys saying stuff like Well you gotta have a little

I'm like What the hell? I'm like Rip Van Winkle I woke guys saying stuff like, well, you got to have a little. I'm like, what the hell? I'm like Rip Van Winkle. I woke up. What the hell? Why would you? Which side are you on? When did child support first? Has child support always existed? Is it like historically? Yeah, because basically one guy would like go away and everyone would go like, uh, no, no, we're not. No, no, no no no no we'll kill you if you stick us with these two yeah if you make me pay for this bitch and that kid well you do to the woman too though uh you better you better watch it i think i think some amount of child support would be okay

i do all i'm saying is then the woman better have something she better suffer in some kind of way or be penalized or incentivized, whatever. She should have support from, what do you call it? From the father. Well, you gotta change your behavior, man. Change what behavior? The woman's behavior. She's gotta be more likable?

Yes. People don't change. They do. Women especially. They do when the government's fucking hammering them. Quite possible Alright anyway that's my problem Vote it up Don't vote that one up That's a bad one

What do you You love it I mean there's parts that are a problem Of child support But like clearly someone's gotta pay for that kid And you don't wanna pay for it Do you wanna pay more taxes for that kid? I don't care

Yes you do Shut the fuck up They're already maxed out I don't care. Yes, you do. Shut the fuck up. They're already maxed out. I don't give a shit anymore. Maybe every child of a single mother should have to fight in Ukraine. Maybe we can get some of our money back. Send the mama over there, actually. That's true.

Then those Russian guys will be like, oh, let's get the hell out of here. Get some money back. Dick, I just watched the movie Black Adam. Okay. Starring Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Who is black. Who is not black. Okay.

The movie is misleading. Okay. He's clearly not an Adam either. And this is a DC superhero movie. Guys in capes flying, having fun. And it fucking sucks. And there's a number of reasons why it sucks. Yeah, because superheroes are gay shit

well not all of them most of them uh i i've been pointed one thing i really dislike about modern movies uh-huh not just in the superhero genre but a lot of a lot of it is in the superhero genre the action genre stuff like that yeah these are music videos disguised as movies. These are movies that every scene needs to be set to some top 40 hit from the last four decades so that your mind is tricked into thinking you like the scene. Like Guardians of the Galaxy. Like Guardians of the Galaxy. Well, Guardians of the Galaxy kind of started this trend, I think. It was going on maybe a little bit before that

But that was the first movie that was like hey Remember all this fucking music And shit Okay at least the plot Kind of worked it in where you had That tape recorder Face off started it Did it when the little boy is walking around

With the radio and he puts the headphones on and it's Over the rainbow and it's all that John Woo action shit. And all of us in the audience are like, oh my God, that's the coolest thing I've ever seen. And then X-Men did it with the fasto. Yeah, what do you call it? Quicksilver? Quicksilver.

I'm trying to remember what song he did. Fasto. Fasto. Is that what you call him? Yeah. Time in a Bottle. Right. Time in a Bottle.

Yeah. They did it again and you're like, okay. Well, that's the thing. They keep doing it. They Yeah, time in a bottle. Right, time in a bottle. And they did it again, and you're like, okay. Well, that's the thing, they keep doing it. They even did it in Black Adam. They do a slow motion scene that's set to some fucking music, and I'm like, oh my god, are we going to get this in every movie? Oh, gosh. I believe they did, okay, again, the name of the movie is Black Adam.

So the big slow motion racing around sequence is set to the song Paint It Black. Oh, God. And it doesn't make sense. And the scene is him just like vaporizing soldiers to death. It's like very graphic in a way. And you just go, I see your. And you're like, yeah, I know that song. And I want to paint it black.

And this reminds me of that Kevin Bacon movie Where there's like a woman in concrete That was raped in his house And she's like, no I don't have a good memory of that song Guys The whole movie I was like Cut of chrome, yeah

Then the movie starts off And this kid jumps on his skateboard And immediately you hear The world is a vampire and i'm like god fucking damn it stop just like just i i think they are actually trying to run this psychological trick where like your brain is primed when you recognize music yeah you get a little thrill that's why that's why certain songs like just get played over and over and over again like your stingers Yeah like my stingers

Exactly Well pattern recognition Is exciting for your brain That's why they think People really like music Because that music Has these patterns That are repetitive

You know Once you learn the chorus You know it You know You know it's coming up Like ooh I know what he's gonna say next I know what words are coming

Because of the chorus So that drives people insane When you half sing songs Yes Exactly Like happy birthday to Oh god That's horrifying know what words are coming because of the chorus. So that drives people insane when you half sing songs. Yes, exactly. Like, happy birthday to... Oh, God, that's horrifying. Exactly.

And singing the wrong words messes up people, too. I love doing that. And everyone, of course, has these nostalgic connections to these songs, so they then go, well, I like the song, so my brain is tricking me into thinking I like the movie based on... Yeah. Because it has a thing I already like in it. Yeah.

That's probably why franchises are popular. You're like, well, I know I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, so obviously I'll like this Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Just endless trash. They're just going to keep jamming this constant nostalgia down your throat for like better pieces of media. Yeah, but you support it. No, I don't.

You see that, you watch all that shit Do you do you pay for those movies and you watch them? I can rip to black Adam. I way good Finally, I'm well I miss when you could just watch There was that kovat period of time where they stopped putting movies in theaters and I was like, oh, thank God Please normalize that man. It was the best now. It's back. Oh, yeah go through Thank God. Please normalize that. That was the best, man.

It was the best. Now it's back. You gotta go to theater. And as I've discussed, the theater experience, voted up, is terrible. And I hate it. It's too much money. By the time I... Why would I spend $40 to see a movie, get a popcorn, get a nacho, a hot dog, a couple You can't see if any chicks are hot there.

You're like, it's the back of your head. Like, what's going on? Can't look over. I was doing a bit about how much I spent at the movies on candy and popcorn, but that as well. No, this was also, I mean, it's just like and it's so blatant

the songs that they choose again, paint it black for Black Adam. But did you ever see the Suicide Squad movie? That was one of the worst offenders. The first Suicide Squad movie? That was one of the worst offenders. The first Suicide Squad movie. The Starro? No, that's a good one.

Oh, the one with Jared Leto? The one with Jared Leto, yeah. I didn't see that one. It's so bad. It's bad. Now, that movie famously was directed by David Ayer. I forget what else he directed, but he directs like dark films, right?

And he was like, yeah, it's going to be dark. It's not like a superhero movie. It's like a dark whatever the hell. And then Deadpool came out and it made like a bajillion dollars. So they went to him and they're like, listen, we just saw Deadpool and can you make your movie funny? Yeah. He's like, it's not

really the movie. I already made the movie. We're editing it now. And they're like, well, let's actually, and they took that movie and they had two competing cuts. So they said, well, why don't you edit your vision of what you think it should look like and then we're gonna edit our version yeah and then we'll see which one we like better and for their version the warner brothers version they went to this company called trailer house a company that had never edited an actual movie before and only edited trailers. And you know how trailers are always just like a stupid song?

Yeah, just like a bunch of scenes set to music you like. So the whole movie of Suicide Squad is like one long movie trailer where every scene has like a different stupid pop song. That's kind of good, actually. Bro, you have to watch this at some point it is like fascinating yeah how many songs they jammed onto that soundtrack and they're all just like on the nose like uh sympathy for the devil when that amanda waller chick shows up and you go oh because she's the devil but she's got a job to do. Or like when they get in a helicopter, they play Fortunate Son. Like that cliche about how every war movie when you get in a helicopter, they play.

It was so bad. And it's a trend that they're doing in all these movies. Can't we just not have superhero movies anymore? When does that happen? That would be great. No, that's a whole other problem. I feel like there was just none. Well, we're in it. It would be, like, goofy if there was one.

The thing is that Hollywood finds a genre. Oh, okay. And they do a thing where, like, it starts off goofy and whatever. Like, Westerns. Mm-hmm. Like, the history of Westerns, where it's, like, started off, oh, these are just fun, stupid theories. And everyone gets tired of the fun

Jokey ones And they're like Now we're gonna make like serious westerns And it's like What if cowboys were real You know I know I know I got it

And we're doing that with Marvel right now I just want Kanye to To you know Take care of it We don't have to have any more superhero movies Kanye was in the Black Adam movie Sadly Yeah I was actually really surprised that they left it in.

His face? No, but his music. His music, again. Wow. There's a part where Black Adam's like, I gotta go take care of this. And Kanye goes, look at all those Jews. I see them and I don't like them. You play Donda backwards.

It's Mein Kampf. Did you know that? I didn't know that. That's crazy. Sounds on point. I don't like them Wow You play Donda backwards It's Mein Kampf Did you know that? I didn't know that That's crazy Sounds on point I don't know any Kanye songs It's interesting Cause

If it was anyone else Came out and said Like I fucking hate Jews They definitely Would have taken their music Out of Black Adam For some reason Kanye

They let Mel Gibson Get away with stuff. That's different. That's different. I think it was like anyone else would be like, well, we have to take that song out immediately. We have to delay Black Adam. But for some reason, when Kanye does it, it's kind of like a weird

little joke where it's like, well, it doesn't count. It's Kanye. He just says stuff. Anyway, Dick, my problem is Are you on the mental health Crisis train? He's clearly having A mental health breakdown

I don't know Like Oh yeah He's so crazy He is fucking insane He's got 11 billion dollars Yeah I mean I guess

That would make you insane Regardless But I think he's nuts He's got some scores to settle I don't That's crazy I don't think he has scores to settle

I don't understand And we've had this discussion Like Well I don't know he has scores to settle. I don't understand, and we've had this discussion like, well, I don't know if we've had this discussion, but if you have succeeded in the Hollywood entertainment sphere, that means

that the Jews have smiled upon you. Well, he's basically saying that. Is he saying they've taken it away? The Jews giveth And the Jews taketh away Did you not listen to his interview or what? Which interview?

He's done like 12 of them They're all just like And listen to all of them Which okay Whatever Point is He spells it out Well

Why rock the boat As we say My problem dick Is music videos You wouldn't understand me though Disguised as movies Uh okay Inshallah

Salaam My Jewish brothers I'm so fucking sick Of superhero movies Yeah I know We need like Son of Sam Superman comes back

In this one That's the big thing I just I hate them so much I hate superhero movies And superheroes so much Yeah If only there was A comic book That perhaps Took a satirical look I hate them so much. I hate superhero movies and superheroes so much. Yeah.

If only there was a comic book that perhaps took a satirical look at the genre. You better hurry. You better hurry. That's going to be the last train out of Dodge. Stagecoach out of Dodge, whatever it is. Okay, here's my last problem. It's online naturalists. Okay. I don't know.

I didn't come up with any examples, but I'm sure that there are some. Okay. I didn't come up with any examples But I'm sure that there are some These fucking people On Twitter who are always telling you How important it is to go outside And they always come back with a Oh you know I just came back from a I spent the day swimming with my dog And hiking and climbing trees

And I met an old lady That made a pie and baked her hair In a pie and then I took a 40 mile walk and i sun naked and then i went on a i went on a fishing boat and i caught a tuna i pulled in a tuna with my bare hands and a shark ate it by the time i got here and it's really taught me how to whittle and i whittled two pipes i whittled a bong and now I'm here to tell you how important all this stuff is to you. You really, you really gotta go outside.

You really gotta return to... So fucking stay there. No one fucking asked you to come back and get a bunch of... Clearly the dopamine's better than whatever shit you got. Clearly you need to come back to the source for your fucking fix, you dumb bitch. Clearly it's not good enough. Clearly it's not good enough out there. You need to come back and tell everyone how much better you are than them

It's true The dopamine fix of letting everyone know your life is great on the internet Yeah Is better than the actual life you might be leading I'll know that outside is great When I never read about how great it is online again What happened to all those people Telling me how great being outside and getting sun

And how important it is for your fucking mental health is? Does the hike exist if you don't Instagram a picture of yourself wearing sunglasses and a little... Did it happen? Ooh, yeah. Hey, guys. Doing a thing. Doodaloo. Gotta be out in nature.

So good for your mental health. Oh, my God. The sun was so beautiful today. What is this for your mental health? What if the secret of mental health is just endlessly posting about yourself online all day? That's the real secret of mental health. It's definitely done wonders for me. I hate that shit so much.

You get a lot of that on Instagram, people. Everybody's got to let you know about how beautiful the sun is. It's really important to get out there and touch. So go. Go do it. Now you're just making me feel bad. Like, well, I can't because I'm working. I just kind of took a break from work to look at Twitter.

Someone might have posted a joke, a fat guy falling down. Well, Dick, maybe you're working too much, you know? Maybe you got to get out of this box you're trapped in. That's what my, I went in for a, what is it, a physical? Hysterectomy. No. When your doctor just gives you like a look over and asks you questions that all your answers are wrong. Right.

And she's like, well, how is your stress levels? And I was like, well, very high. Like, well, how much do you work? And I said, a lot. And she goes, well, you think you could work less? I'm like, who the fuck? What the fuck are you? And I threw her out the window.

Come here, you little bitch. Bam! Worked less? Yeah. Fucking Alexa told me to work less. Really? Yeah, I forget what I said to Alexa. Yeah.

And she goes like, she said like. Maybe you should work less. Yeah, she goes, you want to know some tips for mental health and wellness? I was like, yeah, sure. I'll pretend I'm. I'll, sure. I'll pretend I'm- I'll entertain this. I'll join the fucking- I'll entertain a robot telling me how to live my life.

Yeah, I'll join the asylum. What do you got? What do you got? I'm fucking- Oh, my mental health is really fucking important. She manages to keep all those Amazon workers from killing themselves. Yeah. She says, you know, it's important when you're working, stop and take a break.

And if that doesn't work Take another break. Wow, so your solution is to just not all these women Computer women are telling me all day to just not work and women online are saying well You got to stop working go outside like I think that maybe is the fucking part of the problem here that all you do all Day is take walks and go on hikes and talk about how you need to take walks and go on hikes well we've discussed that the typical female employment of the day is getting lattes and acai bowls as opposed to doing anything resembling actual work so maybe women have it all figured out the problem is us guys can't seem to slip our way into those uh cushy positions

for some reason they expect us To actually produce content And labor Have you seen what I'm talking about? What people talking about Their debt How important it is to go out Yeah Oh man

And so you gotta go into a cabin That's the real secret of life Is you gotta get rid of all these Things that go off grid Like me Like you're fucking on What are you talking about? You're on Twitter right now

You're posting this on Instagram You dumb bitch Yeah anytime anybody's like I'm going camping It's beautiful And I'm like How are you gonna How are you gonna

Charge your phone And then they get back And they're like A fucking slobbering animal To get at that sweet internet Oh yeah Give me that Give me those

Fucking up dudes I don't know what We're doing as a society We're improving We're weeding out people. Are we? Yes. What do you think, uh...

What do you think, uh... What's the Unabomber's name? Happiness is not the goal. No. What do I think about the Unabomber? I think he was a fucking lunatic. That moron's quote, to seem intelligent, because it's edgy.

Oh, man. Looks like, just like what uncle ted said right see because industrialization like you didn't even number one you didn't fucking read the manifesto most people have not read it you fucking moron you sound just like a like a christian quoting scripture for shit well you know unabomber uh paragraph nine i know they never even got like like uh like a couple pages into it because they never bring up the uh the japanese prime what was it the emperor and his love of dolphins is that like a major part of it yeah where he goes like listen i know the emperor became like

one of the world's foremost experts on dolphins yeah but that's because He's doing busy work because he Has nothing else and that's what we're All doing right now Good point about Working real hard yeah where'd you send those bombs A bunch of people who like Had personal vendettas with wow Fucking great Ted thanks

Had personal vendettas because they didn't see The truth Now we all do. I'm not going to let you talk shit about Father Ted, chick. Oh, you like the Unabomber? Yeah, he kind of, I mean. Well, what's your favorite part about the Unabomber? The beard?

I like the Una. Not so much a fan of the bomber, but. Industrialization? The hoodie was cool. Is that what he said? Industrialization is a mistake of the bomber, but... Industrialization. The hoodie was cool. Is that what he said? Industrialization is a mistake of the human race? Has been disastrous? The industrial revolution.

Has been a disaster for the human race? Is that Ted? And its consequences have been, I believe so. Oh, yeah. I mean... You're fucking horrible. The problem is that we no longer... We feel disconnected

From You no longer That's the best part You used to be able To be like Hey Best part is You're annoying

Okay goodbye I put my phone down What I did Had like value But now I'm like What have I done In like the past Like ten years

Like I made some Funny internet videos Like I haven't done nothing And the worst part Is realizing It's not the industrial Revolution that did that Vito It's a big part of Like I haven't done nothing. And the worst part is realizing. It's not the industrial revolution that did that, Vito. It's a big part of it. I don't feel like that.

I made like a card game no one cares about. It's like I produce nothing of value. I don't make bread. I don't. Do you think a bread guy at the end of the day is like, ah, what a great day of value. I think if you were the bread guy back in the day, you were like, you know what? Why don't you go fucking make bread then? Because nobody even needs bread.

The Industrial Revolution has left us with no need for bread. You don't need bread? I mean, you need some bread. What about avocado toast instead? You can make a big old stew, oh, my bread is fucking cooked with tamandiasis yeast and pussy. You'd spend all day cobbling. You might make like two pairs of shoes a week and you go,

hands are riddled with arthritis. That guy wouldn't have shoes if not for me. And now a Chinese guy can make a billion shoes. And you're like, what's the point of anything? They had Chinese guys. Yeah, but they couldn't make a billion shoes. Now they got a factory. The point is we have disconnected ourselves.

Our labor no longer intrinsically has meaningful value. Yeah. It's just a joke. What's it supposed to? Well, it means. Yeah, I mean. Why should it? I don't know.

Oh, I made a big old valued piece of bread today. Well, at one point. What do you think your wife's like? Oh, honey, your bread means so much to the community. Oh, yeah. She's like, why can't you? This thing's other than bread. It's not just bread, okay?

What is it? It's everything. It's that nothing. Right now, we're just producing shit for the sake of producing shit. Do we need a billion superhero movies? Are our lives enriched by all this garbage? No. We're just swimming in it.

Why do you think that lives need to be enriched? Because why are we, what are we doing any of this for? It's just endless trash. Yeah, I know. So, like, basically, on a long enough timeline, just kill yourself. Like, why not? Yeah, exactly. It doesn't like, basically, on a long enough timeline, just kill yourself. Like, why not? Yeah, exactly. It doesn't matter.

That's the problem. It's just a long line of endless progenated trash. An organism which no longer strives towards anything should probably just kill itself. And that's the problem. That we're trying to find a purpose for the human race. I'm not. Well, you're not. And that's clear.

And that's fine. I don't know why you've picked this problem. If there's a surrogate woman out there to help me make an army of children to retake the earth, let me know. We're going to need at least 12 kids. Oh, that's a lot. Child support is going to be a lot.

Flat rate. California, bump that shit up. We're so fucked. Why don't you just learn to accept it Well that's the problem Well if I accept it you're gonna be like We can't do the show this week Cause Vito's dead The week I accept it

The only option for you is to derive Meaning Whatever that is From the fruits of your labor Or kill yourself I could go full comedian style And just is From the fruits of your labor Or kill yourself I mean I could go full comedian style And just you know Live for the sake of the joke I guess

Why do you need a reason to live? But then I would start killing people So that's it's own fucking problem Oh I see okay Well So it's suicide one way or the other Yeah exactly You can't just be normal and exist

If there is no reason Like why would I not kill a bunch of people? That's like clearly. Because you go to jail. Yeah, but that would be like the most fun thing would be killing a bunch of people, obviously. Let's be clear. That's the real problem with mass murder. It's like Kanye is having a mental health crisis.

You're saying I'm sorry. We know how fun it would be. If you could take a machine gun into a crowd and just... I don't think it would be that fun. I think it would be like a fucking blast. Or like drive a car through a Christmas parade or whatever.

Like that guy. Classic leftist. All these school shooters probably they're like, you know, that was the best day of their life, I imagine. Yeah, followed was the best day of their life, I imagine. Yeah, followed by the worst day of their life. Yeah, then they ended up in jail, and then that's the problem. You have to kill yourself at the end. Because otherwise they're just going to put you through a bunch of fucking hoops.

Hoopla. Hoopla. It's going to be boring. They won't even let you kill yourself in prison, which makes no sense. You can probably figure out a way. They should sell suicide kits in the prison. Like, come on. It would be cheaper.

It would be cheaper, and it would give people what they want. Let them do what they want. Okay, well, that's my problem. Online naturalist. This is the last episode of Biggest Problem where Vito said killing a bunch of people would be the most. I mean, it's like playing GTA in real life. Yeah, but that's not like. If you could do it with.

That's really messing up your lolly and cuties argument when you're saying that that's the same. If you could do it with no consequences, you would absolutely go on a mass murdering rampage. What do you mean with no consequences? Yeah, just like, I don't know, like pick a town where you're never going to see any of the people again. Just blow it up? Yeah. I think it would be funny if nukes went off. Yeah.

As long as a lot of them went off. If one went off, I don't think it would be, it wouldn't be that funny. You ever like stopped at like a stoplight and like a bunch of like, you know,

kids and their families are like crossing the street and you just, you think, man, if I just hit the accelerator now, I would like ruin so many lives. You have that power.

The guys who are going across the street and they're walking slow and they're like... You want to hit that guy? Yeah. That would be the best day of my life. To me, it's the ripple effect of tragedy that you can cause. With such little effort, you can ruin so many lives. Now we know why California is the way it is Because guys like me

Are psychopaths I don't think you're a psychopath I just you know I haven't reached the point yet That you know I'm gonna go for it But sometimes you see a guy go for it And you go well I get it

Like that guy That drove through the Christmas parade? No, not that guy. Oh, okay. But Christopher Dorner. Oh, come on, man. Everybody got, yeah. Everybody was back in the Dorner. You can't corner the Dorner, baby.

Yeah. See, you know. He messed up, though. He did mess up. He had to get on the bus. He was trying to find out. He had to tap into the underground He was trying to tap into the underground That's what happened

Well the underground wasn't in place yet If Antifa had been established Not those guys They would have hit him though They're retarded though He was trying to get a boat like last minute He needed to set up the boat ahead of time A boat in Big Bear?

Well I think he ended up in Big Bear Because was Big Bear his original plan? I thought he just got forced into Big Bear Big Bear's up, I think he ended up in Big Bear because Big Bear, his original plan, I thought he just got forced into Big Bear. Big Bear's up on top of a mountain. Yeah, but I think I don't know. Mexico's that away. All I know is his plan didn't go exactly to plan. Well, Vito, I think you're gonna

get a lot of strange voicemails next week. I'll tell you that much. I'm gonna get a bunch of fucking emails from guys who are like, you know, I've been thinking about going for it and I get it now. So if anyone needs any tips, do not email me. Child support,

online naturalists, and yours were what? Not getting drugs for Halloween and music videos disguised as movies. Music videos disguised as movies. Okay. Go to as movies Okay Go to biggest problem Biggestproblem.show To vote them up

Go to patreon.com Please don't take anything I say on this show seriously I'll end up committed And you're telling me That Kanye has a problem Well Cause I don't

I know it's wrong What do you mean? But if there's no rule If we eliminate The barrier between Right and wrong And there's no rule, if we eliminate the barrier between right and wrong and there's no meaning to anything. You fuckers. I know that's why liberals are like that. We need to have all these laws because if we don't have them, I'll do something crazy. I fucking

it's so fucking frustrating that you guys just can't relax. There's more than just us. It's only you guys. It's only fucking you guys. Everyone on the right is like, yeah, give me a gun. I don't care. I won't shoot it. But the liberals are like, well, you need to make it illegal for me to shoot it or else I might.

Right wing guys buy the guns and they say, I'll never use it in anger. And then like one guy goes, hey, buddy. And they go, no, that doesn't happen. That doesn't fucking happen. Either that or you're like, your kid fucking finds it and puts it in his mouth for fun. So?

Well, because you guys are just stupid and fucking hemmed. You don't have a problem with bleach being under the sink. Kids could drink that. Bleach isn't fun the way a gun is. Okay, here you go. Guns are fun. Bleach is... smells bad. If guns smelled bad, kids would probably

kill themselves less. So we have to... all guns have to stink now? That's actually a good solution. It's one that I think that they would do, yeah. All guns have to smell really bad. Okay. Then it tastes bad. Cool.

Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a classic liberal solution Classic liberal solution We made gas smell bad That's been helpful No one's got a problem with that That's helpful

Yeah this will be helpful too You got a stinky gun Liberals didn't think of that one I know Hank Ah dear Oops I gotta say

Vito saying I want 6K As a stinger Is the first time He's actually made a proper stinger. Too bad he didn't fucking make it. I should have made that one. Well, you made it on the show. Go fuck yourselves.

Well, I got my 6K, so that stinger no longer needs to exist. You find any meaning in that 6K? No, it's all just going down a pit of sadness But at least I can buy more Pornography or Video games or something Why don't you just work out? Why do you think that's the solution? Because you Are designed to work out all the time

Okay You're not designed to bake bread to meet God You're designed to Every day you're supposed to be Running your ass off to eat And you're not doing that. And I am. Well, I've been trying to diet a little bit, so that's good.

What about the exercise component? Well, everyone says the exercise component. Even guys who are really into it, they go, listen, exercise is bullshit. It's all about the diet. Who? A bunch of fucking people. Who says that? A bunch of your fans who come to me and yell at me because I'm fat.

And they go, just eat like a whole chicken every day. Are you? No. You want to take that bike? I'll take the bike. I'll take the bike. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito.

I just woke up here's a big problem which is celebrity simps especially this voice actress simp the whole fucking Bayonetta thing is such a joke

and everybody's like oh man that's so messed up she's getting paid $4,000 but it turns out it's like oh man that's so messed up she's getting paid four thousand dollars but turns out it's like four thousand dollars per session so for five sessions so she would have made twenty thousand dollars but still oh that's just a just tiny little fraction of how much the whole game is getting being made oh i should totally boycott why are people fucking like boycotting a game because a voice actor isn't making millions of dollars voice actresses voice actors and voice actresses are fucking some of the most overpaid people in hollywood i mean tom kenney for a while was like

the most like overpaid actor in hollywood and he would just do the voices for everything so is this really like what we should make it okay yeah he was spongebob yeah you can't yeah you had to have him and spongebob makes bajillions of dollars yeah but bayonetta is somebody who if you replaced it i would go yeah that's fine it's just a british lady's voice it's a fucking video game i will say that If it's true that When she first came out And said they offered me Only 4K to do the character

I was like Well that's clearly insulting Like that game's making A shit ton of money Maybe say Well why didn't you ask for That was That was it?

They didn't want to give you Any more than that? Well no the thing is That she had lied Was that originally They had offered her 4K per session For like at least five.

It was like going to end up being like, yeah, that's a lot. And she wanted royalties. What, like an eight-hour day? I don't even think it is an eight-hour day. Yeah, no. So it was like $4,000 for six hours of work. And then I guess the second figure was they're like, well, all right, we're going to have somebody else voice the main one.

Do you want to come in and do like a couple whatever voices for another 4k it's like a one day session and she apparently was asking for six figures and royalties and they're like we're not gonna pay you royalties yeah we're yeah like there's no reason you gotta understand your position it's like you are easily replaceable as that character well it annoys me that she called for a boycott it's like well why why are you trying to fuck everyone else over like people's careers are made on successful games yeah who are not they're not they're not getting royalties the designers is like really weird of her she like clearly didn't know what she was talking about because she's not only just say i want you to boycott the game but she's like and donate the money you would have spent on it to

charity i'm like now you're Just fucking nuts yeah well you can Say I urge people not to buy you know buy This thing because they're not treating voice talent Right whatever yeah I'd be like take that Money and give it away to some other Fucking do that Hopefully she'll get cancer I don't Know any other way to oh now she's been canceled

Because people found a bunch of her turf tweets So all the trans people are mad at her Can't get away with that Don't let you do that now Deal with that Okay let's see you're both retarded How about that Hey so apparently this is a thing now

I'm drunk And standing on the street And you're both fucking retarded Regarding the Fucking problems this week, right? Like, uh, NP, really? Yeah.

NP. And also, Vito, like, your shit's getting fucking asterisked. Like, all you gotta do is download a custom keyboard. Download a custom keyboard. That's it. Then you can teach it

To say what you want to say It will say all the bad words That you want It will use all the abbreviations That you want I think you can get the regular keyboard To do You just have to turn off

The thing I mean it's all you gotta do Is more things Okay thanks buddy Thank you I'm glad you have an infinite amount Of time in your day You can just do anything

Fucking thanks If your answer is that It's not a problem If you do something Then that means answer is that it's not a problem if you do something, then that means it is a problem. It's a problem then. Hunger a problem? All you gotta do is fucking eat. You just gotta go find somebody. Look, you just gotta go find

and if you see someone who's hungry. You guys are resorted to, you know, you can eat. We know not every, like every problem you ask can be solved. Gas crapping? The point is, let's be clear, that problem shouldn't exist to begin with. Thank you, shithead, for the email that took 50 seconds to say that. Let's do super chats. You want to do one more?

Dick, you fucked up. How about that one? Sure. Hey, Dick. Hey, piece of shit. I have to fucking rip you a new one again, just like I did all fucking summer. And Dick plays it because he fucking knows it's true. Stop skipping the TBS, the Tubi Fares, when they pay $20.

No. You set that fucking standard, Vito. You did. And then Dick agreed at, like, the very sort of beginning of the whole bit. You said if motherfuckers paid $20 that you would say it no matter what. That's my discretion. Because I want to hear that you suck cock, motherfucker. I want to hear it.

In the last couple weeks, somebody has paid $20 or more, and you said the letter E-C-F. Inflation. You're fucking skipping out on a verbal contract, you liberal cuck. You always do this. Oh, you fucks, dude. 21 bucks is the new Look I understand

I feel like I should not Allow myself to be threatened here If you want me to say The TBF You gotta be good about it You gotta get him in there Look If it's $20

I might feel like Alright Let's throw him a bomb There's a lot of super chats. I think they all came in at the end when you like lost your mind and started talking about shooting people. Typical

liberal just wants to murder everybody. Well, guys, as a reminder, don't forget you will be able to vote at biggestproblem.show and check out the bonus episodes on patreon.com slash biggest problem let's do the super chats david gomez for two biggest problem is fat-headed hosts getting in the camera oh are you in the camera this this time i don't am where are you we're a little like if i yeah but i wasn't leaning over that much

i'll move you over next time that was was the beginning of the show, so it's very possible that we fixed it very quickly. Jason Moose for five. You come into my house on the day Mr. Floyd is to be buried and he asked me to talk about Jews for money. Yeah.

What is that a reference to? I don't know. I have no idea. Clap Trap for $1.99. It's fixed. Proceeds to be late. We were late getting the show started.

I'm sorry Yeah Jack Sexton for 10 Dick's point on anti-Semitism is valid There's a long and nuanced history Exploring subject matters Like pre-biblical times with the Come on

Dick, you want to finish that one? With the TB Pharaohs The what? The TB Pharaohs The Tibby The what? The Tibby Pharaohs Yeah alright They really undermine A lot of the rights positions

Sometimes when it's like A block attack Something like Something's going on here Oh you missed Koofs Oh Koof for two Thank you all for not Killing yourselves

Thank you Koof Lane Steel for five Bring back the Stingers We have done so Yeah They are back John Riffs for ten The Sandy Hook family Bailing yourself. Thank you, Koof. Lane, steal for five. Bring back the stingers. We have done so. Yeah. They are back. John riffs for 10. The Sandy Hook family

is now on 2.75 trillion from Alex Jones where the kids made of Bitcoin. Did you see that? 2.75 trillion. How much does it have to be before you stop feeling sorry for those parents?

I stopped. Honestly, if they get more than a million dollars each i go well that's excessive you make another kid yeah okay as i said i would if you gave me 70 million dollars for i would kill two of my kids double up buck 40 that's so much money how are you gonna find meaning and all that and you're 70 million dollars i'll find i can hire A billion surrogates for that I can make 100 kids for that kind of money

Are you gonna be crying about the existentialism When you're a 70 millionaire I don't know what I'm gonna be doing I'm gonna be Having lots of fun Brisman for five says nothing Toby From the fair for two

Says the biggest problem in the universe is small faces. I agree Mega man for five. How is veto so lovable chung is wholesome but on twitter. He's literally Hort oh hortler hortler. Yeah adolf hortler veto being two-faced makes me a rage to be fit being two-faced makes me a rage to be fit. Do we have to get a replay on that? I might need an instant replay. I don't know if we can get it. Can we get an instant replay?

I can do an instant replay. Oh, Hortler. Here we go. Let's see. Adolf Hortler. Let's see. Here he comes. Being two-faced makes me a rage to be fit.

I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Yeah't do it it was just a you're right okay it was just a safe that was amateur hour to be fair too I know he really did not

oh man I almost got it it was a good point see that's the way to do it Is when you make one That I'm like into And I'm like yeah That's a good point Yeah not about like Toby Farrow's

Not about yeah The fair The Toby Petty for 10 Okay Vito you can't talk about That politician Who was caught slapping

In front of a school You half TBF And consider his people's Generational trauma He's one of OJ's anti-semitism voted up sure

Mr. Drunk of a Tool says cool hat Vito well he says cool in quotes I mean it is a cool hat fuck you St. Fentanyl Floyd would be proud oh that's in reference to guys Jared Schiff with a big $50

on the board. Fentanyl Freud. Fentanyl Freud. Jared put up 50 bucks stick. Wow. Thank you, Jared. Beautiful. Got kicked out by my roommates because my misogynistic drunk ramblings made one of their wives uncomfortable.

Your roommate has a wife? Now I'm moving back with my rich mommy and daddy for free, and they are fine with me smoking weed here now. So here's some of my rent money. Well, all right. Your misfortune is our benefactor. That would suck to live with a couple. Yeah, that's kind of weird. That's what we're getting into, though.

That's the future. We're all going to be living in little cages with, like, ten families in a house. Not me. Well, well yeah because you got out ahead of the game this next generation is fucked mikhail shit for 10 my first time catching one of these live here's 10 to mark the occasion thank you mikhail shit beautiful clap trap the destroyer for five the opposite of single dads are literally the biggest problem in the universe Yeah, single moms. I believe he means okay. Is that 12 for four dollars and 52 cents? Test says test all right. Thanks. All right Cougar Hughes for five dollars Vito adopt a kid right now

Here's a five retards and I gotta make my own Okay, this IQ in my head is beautiful. beautiful i gotta give it on to somebody else any other unstable genius why would you curse someone to walk this hell well also as we discussed you get the kid and that's when you make the real money why because oh you make them open toys and you make them open toys and make tiktok i get it it. Oh my God. Yeah, now I got it. Dick, if I had a kid, I would make so much money. Yeah, that's about right. He'd be like, dad, I need to sleep.

And I'd go, you haven't opened enough fucking Shopkins yet. Your fans demand it. Umpty Madoo for five. All known temperature dependent sex determination happens in species that are both egg layers or avaporous. This has been Sean's Animal Corner. Thanks. I disagree.

Just put your wife in an oven and make all boys. Fisticorps. Anti-Semitism. Vote it up. Fisticorps for two. RIP low tax. Pour one out for my boy. Yeah.

I'm still torn up about that. But low tax fucked everything. Well, that's child support. That was child support situation. Child support and those blood-sucking harpies that he divorced. Killed low tax. Those cunt parents of his kids killed low tax. Well, the domestic abuse didn't help.

Who knows what happened there? Yeah, I don't know. I think there's some, you know. Maybe they abused him, probably. It probably went both ways. They probably threw a bunch of slaps

Either way, he didn't deserve to lose everything he had. Claptrap to the shore for two says the Gravity Falls hat was cooler. Well, I still have that hat.

I have a lot of hats, guys. Petty for five, we do have a cast system. Different races voted up. Oh. We do kind of have a caste system different races voted up oh we do kind of a caste system the asians are winning wait are the jews winning or the asians winning oh yeah i really wonder well they're both doing very well uh professor krieger for 39 says for uh for 10 suicide squad veto dick track i'm in. I would watch Suicide Squad again. I have a lot to say about that movie.

Sure, that first one? The shitty one? Yeah. Yeah, okay. It's terrible. Yeah. Gut for 199. Vito is actually demented. Is this where I started talking about Ted Kaczynski? Clap chap for 199. Vito is the big bear.

Cole Margolin for $5. The biggest problem is the lack of research on the correlation between hot Cheeto consumption and teenage pregnancy. Patty for $2. Says nobody says that about exercise and diet. A lot of people will tell you that diet is like 90% of the equation. Yeah. Yeah, but that's like huge then.

And I want to eat like an idiot. Because that's the only thing that's keeping me then And I want to eat Like an idiot Cause that's The only thing That's killing me Keeping me from Killing all these people Well then you have to do The other 10% A lot

Or I could just Keep eating Until I die Cause it doesn't matter Okay do that Like that's also Keep fucking crying about it

Not working out I'm not crying about it I'm just saying Gut for a dollar ninety nine You're having fights With black guys on Twitter Yeah Keep fucking crying about it. Not working out. I'm not crying about it. I'm just saying. Gut for $1.99. You're having fights with black guys on Twitter. Yeah. Was that guy black?

I don't see color. Gut for $1.99. No one who is fit told Vito not to exercise. I didn't troll that guy on Twitter pretty well. Well, you know, Vito. Actually, it's all fire. I'm not worried about exercise. I did like that there's this conservative guy on Twitter I don't even know who that guy is Do you know who he is?

No But I basically was like Oh, something, something You know, the fucking Democrats are pieces of shit And I posted I'm like, well, no one's done more for the black man than Democrats And he's gotten like a thousand people being like What did he say?

What is this guy? Is this fake? I'm like... Yeah, but you think that. It's funny. But you also think it. No, I don't really think that. I know, look.

I mean, we've done a lot. We've done a lot. Umptee Madoo. You didn't do that. I helped. Umptee Mad do for five The average specific heat of the human body Is 3.6 kilo Jiggers at my body weight

Increasing my body temperature By 1F burns 49 Calories Calories Take ice baths Vito So your temperature Affects your fat burn. Yeah, this is a life hack.

Yeah, I'm also looking through this one to see where all the twos are. Petty for five, just stop eating, Vito. You can do it for at least a month. I wish. We're going to refresh. Get your last super chats in now, folks. But what a show. Don't kill yourself.

Don't blow up any buildings uh go to my goat face for five do my workout plan veto you don't have to change your diet i okay i saw this guy's workout plan you want to see it yeah sure i he worked very hard on a workout plan and i said there's no fucking way veto will do that and he said well i wasted two hours of my life then do you want to hear the how many things do i gotta do every day god damn it start we gotta monetize it get boogie to do a podcast about it well yeah okay um i'm trying to find it in here all i see is trying to eat more fish i bought a bunch of fish okay fish is good i made a whole salmon filet And I just ate it all week Finished workout

Here we go This is what you have to do Oh shit Open in Open up in Download Did he leave time for me to play magic cards on the internet? Yeah

Day one Run Jog Wait I gotta do different stuff on different days? Shut it down. Go on. Isn't that more exciting? Go on.

No, because I can't keep track of this shit. You can't have like a pill bottle that old people have with like a little fortune cookie thing in it that says what you have to do that day? I have one of those and I just like stop taking the pills because i forget to refill the thing and i like don't i haven't taken any of the medication i've been prescribed for months because i forgot about it prescribed i don't even remember what about setting up a calendar alert uh every day it texts you at noon. Well, that doesn't work because I wake up at a different time every day.

9 p.m. then. I might be asleep. What if it texts you all day? Okay. Every hour. Every hour until I do it? Yeah. Run, jog, walk one and a half miles.

Okay. Can you do that? Yeah. Bench press, four sets. Oh, my God. I don't know why. I'd have to go to the gym to bench. Well, I guess I could do it on my back.

Well. I don't have a weight bench. So you'd have to go to the gym. Yeah. Would you do that? I could sign up for a gym membership. Would you go to the gym? Yeah, I've gone to the gym.

At one point, I used to go to the gym. Okay. Bench press, four sets, 14 reps, 12 reps, 8 to 10 reps, widest grip possible. Okay. That sounds very doable. Yeah, yeah. It's real important that you get exactly 14,

then 12. It's very important for losing weight. Okay. Incline dumbbell press super set with overhead dumbbell press three sets. Is that like a joke? Like you say in set

a lot of times to fuck with me? No. Okay. Reps for both. 12-14 12-14. 8-10 should be till failure on last set always. Okay Um Reps for both 12 14 12 14 8 to 10 Should be till failure On last set always Best if you're right about failure on all sets

Dips and dumbbell flies Super sets Three sets Okay So Okay This is all the one day right Uh

This is day one This is day one Alright 12 to 14 for Okay Biceps Dumbbell curls This is all the one day, right? This is day one. This is day one. 12 to 14 for biceps, dumbbell curls, the highest weight. That's four weight exercises? Yeah, one. And you got to run and jog. And I got to run a mile and a half.

Day two, same running. Standing barbell shoulder press superset with forward lateral raise, three sets. Oh, you know Iet with forward lateral raise. Three sets. Oh, you know, I love my forward lateral raise. Three sets of Arnold press superset with side. I'd have to look at like diagrams of all of these because I have no idea. I know. I don't either. Can't you say like bicep curl?

A hundred. Pushups. bicep curl a hundred barbell rose superset with halo what is the difference between a set and a superset what is the deal what does that mean how what how does a set become a superset triceps triple superset skull crushers then try to sell it a superset to

make it sounds then two bench dips well I have a meaning to do more plan you want to do mine or this guy I would rather just see a bike for like go that's mine which is fine bike 20 miles a day Wow that's also not very likely

abs three sets hanging knee raises till failure Superset with inclined sit-ups till failure do one set of sit-ups with twists to each. Okay Sounds good. I think I'm just supposed to do squats Machine yeah, man Very busy at the gym. I know. That's the other. I'm like, I don't know, man. Four sets bent over rows superset with bent over rows dumbbells flies. I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to go to everyone there and I'm going to go,

hey, can you help me do my overfly superset three kilogram wide stance? And they're going to look at me like I'm a fucking idiot. I'm going to leave and eat a cake. All right? Like, that's what's going to happen. Now you're done with Wednesday. Excuse me. Where do I do the super fly dumbbell drop bench dip with a twist?

Would I want to use this or this? Day four. A one-mile jog walk. Oh, one of those. You shave off a half mile. Got to relax a little. Legs. Squats.

Look at the ceiling while going down. Keeps your back straight. Huh. Squats? You're going to fucking destroy your knees. All this would be great if I had like a trainer, I guess, to like. Well, if you were already in shape. Yeah.

This is brutal. I couldn't do this shit. Plus, the other thing is I don't think I could... Yeah, I think my arms would fall apart after the first... Weighted or unweighted forward lunges superset with... No, you don't... Do not fuck up your knees. Hamstring machine with calf machine.

There you go. Let's get a rowing machine. Okay. Everybody likes rowing. Okay, well, I'll send you this. Don't... Well, okay. I mean, I'll really print it out and live my life by it.

Cook all your own meals. Oh, one of those. Avoid vegetable, canola, and soybean oil. Whoa! Wait, wait, wait. Seed oil disrespector here. Butter is fine. Yeah.

Eat two grams of protein powder per pound of body weight. I'm not eating protein powder. Come on. Oh, yeah. Okay. Tastes like chocolate. I hate that.

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, I'd rather, wouldn't I just eat chicken at that point? Best carb is sweet potatoes with no sugar. Second best is rice. Third is regular potato.

Worst is bread and pasta. All right, so eat pasta. Year more meat. Probably meant to eat. Yeah, I just bought a bunch of fish. I'll eat a bunch of cans of tuna. We'll see what happens. Okay.

Rehit refresh. Maybe there's some more super chats. Thank you, Goaty McGoatface, for your long and confusing workout plan. Okay. Okay. David Gomez for five. Big head veto. Large noggin veto with all the shiny dome.

That's true. Gut for one and a nine. Flat bill hats are for PDF files. Why don't I better curve that brim down? Petty for two. Fat brain veto. Okay. Goodbye, everybody.

Don't forget, put up our supporters, the graphic. Can you imagine if you didn't put up the fucking image of everybody keeps yelling at me about not updating it? I've updated the image. See, Dick can't find out his problem. I'll tell you this right now. There you go. There are currently 31 veto file pluses and 34 dickhead pluses so veto file nation

wow come on or if a couple dickheads want to you know give it up for the real guy holding this show together brings in all the great tips and all the good problems yeah brings in all the great stingers what are you looking for? I'm looking for one of those Stock tip veto Stock tip veto Day trader veto Always with the hot stock tip

Stocks are doing alright Are they now? Well They've Stopped cratering? Stopped cratering That's nice Waiting for them to go back up

How about some bonds? Did you? Yeah That's probably smart I'm done Fucking Just waited out Nice. Waiting for him to go back up. How about some bonds? Did you? Yeah. That's probably smart. I'm done. Fucking just wait it out. Yeah. We'll see what happens.

Regardless, the only way to keep us alive is to go to patreon.com slash biggest problem. Or else Vito will go on a shooting rampage. Well, I mean, if all the money runs out, what else do I got to do? See, that's what Boogie's problem is. He's like, I'm going to He's like I'm gonna kill myself I'm like well are you gonna kill a bunch of other people first Have some fun with it Oh he's such a bitch

He wants to go out as like a hero though He's not even like a real person He's just if you poked a hole in him Like all these like anxiety And manipulation demons would just Go out and he would go And like go into a little bag he reminds me of the guys you see on like uh like hoarders or like uh what's that show where they

have the addictions yeah intervention yeah just a million excuses as to why they can't change unlike me who all my excuses as to why i can't exercise are perfectly valid and based in reality. All right. Goodbye, everyone. I'm going to dig the exercise bike out. I'm going to get it done. Bye. Bye.