The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 65

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

Cockteasing, Ticketmaster, Pro-Spider Propaganda, Slow Cancer

Check, check, check, check. Yeah, okay. Check one. All right. This is so hard. I know. All other problems. There it is.

All right. Go live. There we go. There we go. I put a lot of work into the pro. People don't understand how much work goes into the show. Yeah, give us a rundown of what kind of work goes into the show. Yeah, give us a rundown of what kind of work goes into the show. Well, you know, you come up with a problem, but you can't just, you know, people go,

sometimes you wing it, but sometimes you're like, well, I got to get like some facts, you know. Sometimes you wing it. And then I organize the facts. I mean, look at all these notes. Worthless. Each one as worthless as the one before it. Stinger, Finding news stories You know

It's not It's not just you show up And the show writes itself You gotta That's true Produce It's true It's like a feature length movie

That we have to put together Every week Feature length Could you imagine If we had to edit the show afterwards Like if we went through And meticulously pulled out If we were psychopaths

Who had to pull out Every time we say something wrong Or whatever else Or gave a shit. Yeah. Like, oh, wow, I really give a shit that one of us said that crazy thing about women accepting. I was talking to Mr. Girl about

how a certain individual used to edit his podcast to take out every weird bit of him. Yeah. And then now that somebody has gone back and redone the pod, like, now you can see what he edited out, which And redone the pod Like now you can see What he edited out Which is like

Infinitely embarrassing Cause you can see What he didn't It's like actually worse Than if he had just Left it in right All he had to do Was leave me alone

And I would have just Not podcasted Gone back offline Cause I hate the internet And I hate social media You would have done Something completely different But instead I would still be doing improv I'd be teaching improv class Oh no you would be At 101 hate the internet and I hate social media. You would have done something completely different.

I'd still be doing improv. I'd be teaching improv class. Oh no, you would be. At 101, I'd be molesting the students. Instead, he just fed you so much gold that how could you possibly pass up on it? What did Mr. Girl say? He just finds it fascinating. I mean, it's, I was thinking though, you

need to take, you know, for people who are like catching up or whatever, you need like a listing of episodes in which order you have to listen to them in to get like the story in the right order. That's a good idea. Because even I don't know what I'm missing. Like a machete order of listening to the episodes. Exactly. That's a good idea. Be like, you need to listen to this, then this will explain it.

Then this episode. Because I go back through, because everybody's always like, you gotta know all the drama, and I'm like, Jesus Christ, it's like it's all scattered around. It's like a bonus episode. 12 years. It'll be this fucking thing and it'll be you on a different podcast entirely. You need a cheat sheet for

the drama. How's old Mr. Girl doing? Not good. Have you been abusing him too? I mean, I do. As I've said before, Mr. Girl will turn on you. That's what you've said before? Well, yeah, because I remember I mentioned that time that I said, hey, I'm going to get a job working for Russia today doing their social media.

And he said, well, he said he wouldn't be my friend anymore. Oh. And if I was more, if he thought I was like an actual threat. That's a real Putin thing to say. I could imagine him doing like a hit piece on this Vito Giswaldi guy and what he's up to. A hit piece. Hey, if you're coming to the show tomorrow, dress as a protester. Dress, we want to be protested.

I mean, it would be good. It would be good. Get a chant going. One, two, three, four. It would be good publicity. I know at least one of ours. Four whores, four doors. A certain Jay Denny has been dealing with all sorts of protest nonsense.

Really? But I don't think they would protest. I was wondering. I'll shoot him. I was wondering if we're going to get Josh Denny protesting. Stand my ground out there. I'd be like Rittenhouse with gloves. Shoot your ass.

We don't have Gavin, unfortunately. I think he brings the protesters. We should just say we do. Gavin McGinnis is going to be there. Gavin McGinnis may make it a poor appearance. He may will be there. Who knows? Look it up.

Are you ready? The feds are going to have chased him into our live show. Live show tomorrow. Don't be there or be there. Who knows? It could happen. Are you ready? The feds are going to have chased him into our live show. Live show tomorrow. Don't be there or be square. Let's do a show. Live. Biggestproblem.show. See you tomorrow.

Did we give the location out? I don't think. Josh is supposed to email people. He better remember. He better email people. Yeah. I will say this. It's going to be outside.

So bring like a jacket. Okay. Bring liquor. Bring liquor. Bring a nice jacket. No corking fee.. Bring liquor. B-Y-O-B. Bring a nice jacket. No corking fee. No corking fee.

Well. Maybe if you have a couple bucks, just give it to me. I don't think we can set up a tip jar. That'd be a little weird. A little tacky, you think? It'd be pretty tacky. If you don't open your beer for two bucks. You go to a lot of Elton John show and there's a tip jar out.

They pass the collection basket around. A little something. A little something for Elton. He and there's like a tip jar out. Like they pass the collection basket around. Like a little something. A little something for Elton. He's got HIV medicine these days. Outrageous. Okay, ready to go. Let's do it. Biggest.

Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big.

Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big.

Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big.

Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big.

Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. Big. The biggest problem in the universe. And that's how we'll do it. Yes! The biggest problem. Welcome. Excuse me. To the biggest problem in the universe.

The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from FTX's altruism to our own audience's autism. I'm your host, Dick Madsen. Join me as always. The beauty is wild, Dick. I'm excited to be here Dick Are ya? Well as somebody in the chat mentioned

I got my new hat From my favorite comic book universe Yeah Featuring my favorite black comic book character The incredible Isom What does that stand for? I believe He hasn't

I mean that's the problem I suck on men The problem with the whole comic Is that it doesn't explain anything about what's going on. Everybody's still in the dark. I slurp over mammaries. That would be what it stood for if I made it. I believe it is related to Eric Jeline's love of isometric exercise. You got to be fucking kidding me.

So this is quite possibly a superhero who has isometric exercised himself so hard as to become superhuman. That's just a theory. Isometric exercised himself so hard as to become superhuman. That's just a theory. Isometric? Yeah, isometric. Isometric. Isometric. Why is that? Because feet and miles are inefficient.

So isometric. I don't know. Isometric that I can't even count. I don't know what it is, but that is. To 12. I start over at 10. I go straight to can't even count. Look, I don't know what it is, but that is. To 12. I start over at 10. That's floating around. I go straight to 11.

Straight back to one, I mean. Anyway, I saw best comic in America, and I'm glad a fan sent me this wonderful hat. Thank you. I saw metric. The mic clock only has 10 digits on it. See, this is anti-woke, Dick. What you doing right now? I saw metric.

I don't even know what November and December is. Get it? Yeah, I got it. Isometric. Isometric. Isometric. I can convert bitches into pounds. Okay, he's not a metric-based superhero.

He is a metric-based superhero. His name. Isometric. Terrible bit. See the cross? Do I see the what? You see the cross? I'm a penis? Yeah, he's got the cross on his dick. Isometric Terrible did see the cross do I see the why you see the cross? I'm a penis He's got the cross on his dick. I saw metric I convert water into wine He I do believe he's yeah, we are gonna find out he's a good impression of a guy

Yeah, just any guy any guy. I can't even figure out what color he might be at all If we any color sounded German to me. That rhyme was from Tristan Seaver. Oh, we like him. Okay, you ready for the results? Yeah. Autism. Shocking. Well, that one deserved to win.

Let's be real. Shock. You brought out the heart strings with that one. The heart strings. Well, some people, I got a lecture from somebody, and they're like, oh, I was with you with most of it. Once you started getting into the eugenics of it all, I was like, well. You got a lecture from whom?

It's that lady friend. The lady friend. Very hard. Banging her. Bleeding heart, you know? Wants to save all the kids. What's eugenics about? Well, I do explain that, like, I don't mean, like, all autistic people are, like, you know,

broke. I mean, they are broken, but, like, not but like not a definite why there would not be a word otherwise it's just normal and there's no word for that because you don't ever need to point it out even on the island of misfit toys they had their own little things that were good about them as i'm sure every autistic child as well just seems like it's something our government scientists should be looking into yeah but that's what i hate about it like this idea that they're misfit toys and like they're the sum of their puzzle pieces. Because they're not special. They're lesser.

They fit into a... Somehow, we keep thinking we're going to find like a use for them. Like, you know, we're going to go to Mars and be like, oh, thank God we have all these autistic guys. We just give them some rocks and they're going to bang some rocks together and we're living in space now. No. That was when we watched that Predator movie, remember? Oh, yeah. The moral of the movie was the Predators were looking for an autistic kid for no reason.

And he shot another little autistic kid out of his mouth. They're the ultimate warriors. They're the next evolution. Anyway, yeah, that's a good problem for me, I'm going to say. Number two, effective altruism. That was mine. That was a good one. That guy's been getting worse.

Oh, the FTX guy? Yeah, he's been saying a lot. Yeah, he's like a criminal. Well. Because all those people who are trying to take your money and give it to altruism are criminals. Did he come out and comment on his political donations? I think I saw, but I didn't read the story. No, some Democrats did, though.

Well, I heard they were refusing the back. Aren't some of them giving it back? I don't think so. They're giving it back to their donor who happened to be them. Yeah. Like, yeah, I gave a lot of money to myself. I wouldn't give it back. Who cares?

You probably already spent it. On what? I don't know. Signs. Stickers. Other scumbags. Yeah, give it to other scumbags. Get that.

Let's get it back. Send it to Ukraine. People not using the turn lane. People who don't use the turn lane. That was next. And then enslaving indie directors was dead last. Well, I think people just don't respect

my opinions on movies. Lemonsaki says, lol the Mr. Girl Dick stuff. Can we just have a segment where Dick goes through Vito's Twitter at the end of the show? Oh, with your penis posting. That'd take forever to go through my Twitter. Should we do that segment? If I even have a Twitter at the end of this week, we'll see.

If I get 20 bucks, I'll go through. If I get 20 bucks just for that, I'll go through Vito's Twitter. I feel like part of the best part about my Twitter is that most people don't look at it. And if people start looking at it, I'm going to stop tweeting. So...

No, I probably won't. Okay. Sure. You can look at a selection of tweets. The whole thing. Well, not the whole thing. You can pick. Sure. You can look at a selection of tweets. The whole thing. Well, not the whole thing. You can pick a part. You can pick a couple. Paul Rages says, Vito, I'm not going to spoil Black Panther. Literally one minute later.

Yeah, so she becomes the Black Panther. Obviously she becomes the Black Panther. Like, who else is going to be the Black Panther? Spoiler, though. It's not a spoiler. Fuzzy Nut, I can't believe Vito is lying about people DMing him that he's great. Were you lying about him? No, I get all sorts of little messages.

Again, it's not that I'm great. It's that please don't kill yourself because I like the show. I'm like, I'm not going to kill myself. And they're like, yeah, but everybody's really mean to you and calls you an F-slayer. And I'm like, that's my whole life. Are you talking about going on shooting rampages, though? I don't know man. I'm saving that one. I haven't even started

planning that. Shoop to whoop says the boogie bit was amazing. Oh did you hear he had cancer? Boogie officially has blood cancer. Stop. Not okay. Should it be deeper though?

Blah blah blah blah Oh man Let's be clear to the audience As we understand It is a very Manageable form of cancer Benign fake cancer His blood is gonna turn into pancake syrup

That's his cancer I listened to him describe it Your blood thickens like a pancake syrup. I added the pancake syrup part, but it's easier to explain. Makes more sense. Whatever kills Boogie. There is a God! And his name is Allah!

No. I mean, maybe, but no. Shalalalalala! Shalalalalala! I was just praying to God, as I every day that Boogie gets cancer and then whammo! And this is just the start. He's getting other cancers. No, he's going to live forever, obviously.

Maybe roasting an eternal hellfire. There's one of these cancers where you take a pill every day and then you're fine. If you don't get enough views on your YouTube, then you die. The only treatment is attention. And he got it from injecting himself with testosterone that he had to do because he was fat, right? I guess so. So he has fat cancer. I didn't, this is like.

Fascinating. I mean, yeah, that's a one word for it. I know you can get cancer from taking testosterone. From being fat. Yeah, from being a fatty. See, I can't mock him because this is going to happen to me. I'm going to get blood cancer now. Now I'm all worried.

I'm going down the... Fat cancer. I'm going to take that bike so I don't get blood cancer. Take the bike. Alright, well, Boogie, we wish Take the bike. All right. Well, Boogie, we wish you the best. Please don't die.

The best is that you die of cancer quickly. He'll die of obesity, obviously. Yeah. What's the... Are they racing? This is a man for whom there should be a death pool. Let's be clear. Like, we got to be betting on which way it goes down.

Hell shit. Because there's so many options Yeah like what Hanging I mean suicide is like probably Let's see though Pretty high up there What's the rafters look like

And is See but you can't bet on hanging though Because hanging is like One you can influence As the audience Then You know What do you mean you can't

You just gotta do odds Yeah I guess so McHale Shit says, Vito, you don't watch indie movies. Stop romanticizing them. Well, that was the problem I brought up is that I haven't been watching anything. And I was all surprised seeing a good movie

and forgetting how much I used to like movies. Oh, yeah. I remember that. And now I just sit around and watch trash. Okay. That's the end of my... I don't want to read the rest of these. Well, that brings me to our exciting segment

I like to call... Vote It Up. It's your favorite podcast. It's one hell of a fight. Funnier than a bald Armenian cuck. You can vote on the problems. Just go to the website. If you don't, please get cancer and die.

I got a cancer. Vote it up. I got a cancer and it up I got a cancer And I Gotta vote it up Here on So you are making fun of Boogie's cancer

I just put a Voice clip in there You read a whole song Making fun of his cancer That's just one part of it That's way worse than what I did I didn't poke fun I just interjected

That he has cancer The whole thing is making fun And if you do not vote You will end up like Boogie With blood cancer. That's how it works here on the show. Vote it up where we revisit past problems and put them in a new context. Dick,

you brought in the refusal to wear the hijab. Yeah. Have they shut those women up yet over there? Well, they're working on it. An Iranian court has issued the first death sentence related to the months-long anti-hijab protests, prompting fears of mass executions to come.

A revolutionary court in Tehran found an unnamed defendant guilty of enmity against God and sentenced the protester to death. It's like a Dungeons and Dragons. You have an enmity with Allah. Oh, shit. Really? This is terrible So far at least 326 protesters have died

In violent crackdowns by Iranian security forces What do you think about executing people Women Come out Not people No it's all There's male protesters as well Who have enmities with God

Yeah who are This isn't just about the hijab Well they're saying Don't force these women to wear the hijab The men on the women's behalf They're all getting executed I'll be honest, that's a little far Once it's

Because that guy's just trying to be related Yeah, I don't agree with simping But death penalty for simping I'm going to go ahead and say that You have an enmity with the law, actually This is a fucking terrible, terrible show going to go ahead and say that you have an enmity with Allah, actually. This is a fucking terrible, terrible show. I'll tell that guy to that face. I'll go, look, spinach chin.

If you're going to tell me that Allah is punishing to death a man for simping for a bitch, then you're basically calling Allah a bitch. Well, maybe you should be on this Tehran high revolutionary court, Dick. Maybe I should. Maybe I should be like Cat Stevens and go over there, kick the door in. Alaka, sama, laka, my brothers. There's going to be a couple alambastic changes in here. I don't agree with any of that.

I think it's great that Iranians are standing up against this oppression. I hate women more than all of you. Who thinks they hate women more than me? Shut up. Get him out of here. You could probably become their king in like a couple days if you really wanted to. I could be an Ayatollah. No man has ever hated women as much as this man.

Everyone in my court must speak like Peter Griffin from Family Guy. Executions. Or executions. Not a good enough, that was Stewie! Get him out of here! Maybe Iran would be a good place for you, Dick.

You think you know a lot more than me? I would wear a giant beard. Yeah. Like a bush. If we go to Iran, we are getting executed within hours of the plane

touching down. I think we have committed many blasphemes against the Islamic holy book. They're doing blasphemes. That's true. Everyone's blaspheming. How dare them accuse us of being blasphemes. They're doing all the blasphemes. They took all that dirty money.

From who? From Obama. Okay. Well. That's very blasphemous. Is that blasphemous? Yes. Is that against the Iranians?

He got men to marry In Iran? I don't know Out here I don't even know What we do We're the western infidels No matter what we do

Look they're making A lot of good points Alright They just take it too far Like always They're taking it too far They've made a lot of good points Maybe they're just negotiating

Alright we won't kill the guys Yeah Alright We'll only kill the women. How about don't kill anybody? How about if you don't want to wear a thing on your head? Wear the fucking thing on your head, bitch. Put the thing on your fucking head, you bitch.

Another great problem also from Dick was buying the dip. Well, today or this week is not a good time. Do you have any dip money left for buying? There is no dip money left. Oh, man. Investor confidence in cryptocurrencies is ebbing as a result of the collapse of Sam Bankman Freed's FTX exchange, with the total market capitalization of digital assets falling this month below $800 billion, a level not seen since early 2021.

Meanwhile, Bitcoin's price has seen a nearly 70% drop in value since its all-time high above $68,000. What do you think? What do you think about Bankman? I think, I'm like, what's going on? Did he just like, I like look at my shitty buddies who like are like programmer dudes and like hang out in soy plants and play League of Legends all day. I'm like, why didn't you do a fucking crypto scam for me to get in on and get like a couple million dollars and then run away i'm like mad at them for not being scamming like

regular guys taking their money and giving it to the dmc just showed up i watched one of those stupid things were like he drives a toyola corolla he wears sweatpants and then he like sleeps in a beanbag chair give him all your money. And I'm like, what the fuck? First of all, that's true. He's retarded. I don't want him handling shit. I know it's not true.

So he's a liar. Yeah. And you're an idiot. Well, I know at least, uh, I know some people have lost big on the FTX thing. I'm going to lose Voyager thing too. It fucks up your Voyager thing. I owe my $800 in a a What do you call it? What was that all you had?

That's all that was left on there Thankfully I had a lot In FTX like hours before Yeah Yeah Oh man That was a big

You really You really got out like right in time Right before Yeah There was some commercial Yeah Someone was telling a story And it reminded me of why

I pulled all my money out And I had been looking that Earlier in the week I was looking Because I saw that CZ guy Talking shit and I'm like okay they're done I better get my money out I logged in and I was like there's no money I'm sure there's money in here And I was looking at the stuff

And then like two days later Somebody said something about a bar They were telling a story about a bar That we had gotten kicked out of. And I remember leaving that bar and seeing the Sam Bankman Freed ad. And I thought, it's on the fucking FTX US. So I logged in and sure enough, there it was.

And I was like, oh shit, yeah. So I go to do the ACH. And I'm like, no, that's going to be, if they're going to fuck with anything, that's going to take too long. So I sent it directly to Coinbase. And then it was like, the next morning I woke up and was like, actually, FTX US says we are fucked. Never mind about that other stuff we said.

Yes. Fucking bar. Yes. I was lucky that Voyager, yeah, most of my money was in regular US dollars because I sold everything. But then I was just like, it was only letting you cash out like 10 grand a day, so I got like most of it out of there. Yeah. But then all the USD I got back, but whatever I had in actual crypto on there,

it got stuck. But I think it's only like, again, 800. Are you going to buy the dip now or what? No, I'm out of crypto at this point. But it's going to moon again. What do you mean? Why would it moon again? Why would any?

It was mooning when like regular guys were like, I can get rich. And now regular guys are like, I can lose fucking everything I have by buying this illusory asset. Like, I can't wait to buy more of it. You're never going to convince normal people to buy Bitcoin again. Fuck normal people. Well, okay. But if just rich people buy it, are there enough of you guys and enough money to move it? I don't know, is there enough land for rich people to own all of it? Well, just buy land then! Why buy fucking Bitcoin?

So you're not going to, when it starts going up to like $20, $25, $27, $30, you're not going to buy back in? Well, I've got that. $35. Let's hope my chain link that's locked up on Voyager just keeps accruing interest. There's no interest It's not It's insolvent No they're gonna give me Voyager tokens dick

And then I can use The Voyager tokens To buy a magic sailboat And eat a rainbow And whatever the fuck Into the metaverse Yeah exactly And I'll buy

Olive gardens And the metal Metaverse Why doesn't FTX Just give everyone A virtual house And cyberspace To make up

For all the money They lost It's a securities violation, that's why. Okay. Anyway, this has been Voted Up. It's your favorite podcast. It's one hell of a fight. Funnier than the

ball of our baby and cock. You can vote on the problems. Just go to the website. If you don't, please get cancer and die. I got a cancer vote-it-up. Didn't you do fetish shaming or something? Yeah, kink shaming.

Kink shaming? That should be a voted up. Because of Nick Rikita squeezing liquor bottles in his buns. Well, wait, was he actually doing that for like a sexual reason? I didn't get the whole story. I mean, I don't know. Why would he take a picture of a liquor bottle between his ass cheeks? He lives in Minnesota

But was he posting it? What else are you gonna do? But it wasn't up his butt It wasn't up his butt though, right? He looked pregnant It was sticking out like Alien Like the monster in Alien 1 You could tell it was a Maker's Mark bottle sticking out of his stomach

He had a Maker's Mark so hard far up his ass It was poking through his stomach. Yeah. No, he didn't go it now. He was just holding it between his butt cheeks Yeah, but I'm confused as to why Vito you're the one that wants a trans lady to poop in your mouth for two I don't want her to poop in my mouth for two grand. I'm just sad that I would consider it anyway And now I definitely don't want to do it Because it would just be Like a show thing forever But What?

It's gotta be more than Two grand You're reneging? I'm not reneging I said You said I would think Well I think

That was in the context Of I would do it If it wasn't You know like In a different lifetime I think In a different lifetime? What the fuck does that mean?

It becomes like a meme And then I get like a million memes. How is that going to be a meme? It'll just be the one time. Everyone's going to Photoshop poop in my mouth and shit. I don't want to deal with that. Okay, so if everyone's already Photoshopping poop in your mouth, then there's no reason to not do it, right? Please don't do that.

You've made the incentives. I really fucked everything over. Typical Democrat. Anyway, I don't know what's going on Nick Ricada, but it's true. He's been a kink shamer himself, and now it's coming to bite him in the back. Remember all his obsession with like pegging for no reason? Well, I do remember that. Well, he's like, what's the deal with pegging?

You ever heard of this pegging? What's with pegging? And now he's like- You're not a pirate. Yeah. You're not the wife of Hank Hill. What's the deal with pegging was with pegging and now you're not a pirate yeah you're not the wife of Hank Hill what's the deal with pegging and I don't know if he's putting stuff up his butt but clearly he's thinking about it so I don't know maybe though I don't know what's going on I'm confused and

a little bit bewildered I know he did a stream but I didn't watch it because I figured someone would summarize it for me later maybe he should should call in. I don't know. Yeah, we can leave that for another time. Okay. My problem, Dick, is the other day I look up and I see a spider. Okay. Like a big old spider. Where were you?

It was in my room, my office area. Yeah. Been building a web for quite some time. Oh, yeah. Okay. And I went to kill it it and then I hesitated That's a big mistake Well, who hesitates masturbates I hesitated because I was like wait our spiders good and then

What do you mean they look like the devil why would they be good? That's the thing is that have you ever encountered these people like you go to kill a spider, and they're like, no, no, no, no, don't kill it, like, take it outside. Spiders are, like, good for the environment, and, like, good for the ecosystem or something. I kill those people. Well, that's what my problem is, Dick. My problem is pro-spider propaganda. Because it's horseshit. Because I went to look it up.

I'm like, okay, why should I? No, there's zillions of spiders. Yeah, why should I not kill a spider? They're not bees. People pretend like spiders. No, you got to leave them around for all these reasons that it's like a benefit to your house to keep the spider around. And I dug into it.

There's a fucking zillion of them. This is horse shit. Their eggs are like, wow, spiders everywhere. They eat each other. There's so many. Well, that's a very good point. Okay. So I went looking for these articles of why spiders are so fucking

great. Okay. Then the number one thing that always comes up is that they eat other household pests. Okay, so they eat ants, roaches, flies. Fine. Yeah, I've never seen a spider eat a roach But maybe But then the article goes on to say

You got a lot of flies Like you're living in Somalia That you need a defense against I can just get a fly trap If I really got flies I can get a fly paper Close your windows Yeah close the window

I haven't seen the spider doing that much work And then in the thing about They eat other household pests They also eat other spiders And I'm like So the benefit of spiders is they get rid of spiders? That's not, that doesn't work.

That's circular logic. That's bullshit. Spiders are great. Why? You can't get spiders. Because they get rid of spiders. Like, come on. That's, that's completely, doesn't make any fucking sense. Yeah. They say spiders, you know, can take care of these pests to benefit your crops and garden.

Well, I need my crops. Yeah, my crops. What the fuck? My victory garden. Anytime I'm like talking about a spider in my house, it's in my house. I'm like, oh, don't kill it. I'm like, you know, they don't say. How many people do you know that talk like this?

You gotta protect your, all these hippies. And like, I came from Massachusetts. Oh, they're all like that. There's always one of these things where it's like, just let it outside to live. And I'm like, kill it. That's how it got in here. Yeah, it'll come back in. It'll come back and find its web.

But you got to protect your crops. Then it starts getting into some bullshit like spider venom can treat medical conditions. Which is not true either. There's like a bunch of I don't care I want medicine I don't need spider bites Yeah I don't want spider venom These are in these articles

They're like well You know it could be an opiate alternative Because the Chinese are testing Tarantula venom Oh great COVID part 2 A pain killing protein Tarantula COVID Yeah it's all bullshit.

Every fucking article has the same stance. Dick, did you know it's rare for them to attack humans? That's not a reason. What do you mean attack? How do you attack something that's like 10 trillion times your size? Bite or hurt or whatever. But that's like saying, you know, having an open gas fire is good because it might only set your house on fire sometimes.

Like, well, just don't have it to begin with. I'm not worried about getting attacked by the spiders. Well, you should be. You should be. I don't want to get bit. Another reason spiders are great is a number four. Do you know that poop never attacks you? Very rarely does a poop attack a human.

So just leave poop sitting around. Just leave it in the toilet for a while. I flush every, twice a month. That's the thing. The article says

the reason spiders are good and then the reasons are, well, they'll probably leave you alone. Well, that doesn't make them good. That's just a reason not to worry too much about them, I guess.

My house isn't like a, what is that thing called? A terrarium Yeah Well that's what they want These articles They're saying Did you know that the spider

Is traditionally a symbol Of good luck That's why you should leave Spiders infesting your house Because again The fucking Chinese In ancient Chinese culture Spiders were called

Zimu Or happy insect Oh wait why? I don't know Because it was believed To be lucky In ancient Chinese culture, spiders were called Zimu, or happy insect. Oh, wait, why? I don't know. Because it was believed to be lucky if they dropped down from the ceiling, because it's like they're dropping down from heaven. Fuck China. What's wrong with the Chinese?

Everything's backwards over there. And then, of course, the number one reason why you shouldn't kill spiders is they were the inspiration for Spider-Man. Okay and there that was an actual money is inspiration for spider-man. Yeah, I think that was a big part of it now Dick spiders are Actually a real problem. I hate those. I hate those people do I have like a clear crystal clear memory of this girl? That I wanted to bang Party like taking a spider out of her house And like freaking out Holding it As it was climbing up

And I was like Ah this is like Just go This is so broken And deranged For you to do It's a magic little creature dick Carrying this out

Yeah Well they're like Every life form matters And you're like Not really It's not alive Clearly not What do you mean

It's a How is it alive? Yeah. There's nothing here worth preserving. The pro-abortion, I don't mean to get, you know, political. Okay. But the pro-abortion squad's really like pro-spider also. They should be. Right? Aren't they?

The pro-abortion people are pro-spider? Yeah. It's true. If somebody's saving a spider, I promise you they're pro-abortion At like Eight At like ten months Eat that Eat that fetus

But I gotta save This little crawling thing Yeah And that's the reverse That's why I want to go to Iran And just get these bitches In a hijab Right back in

The fucking hijab It is true I would also imagine That the people who are hardcore Like you gotta save The life of every child Are like Let's kill as many Fucking spiders We kill get like emotions and like families pigs have like incredible uh

they're proud of like barbecuing slightly less sentient species pigs are like supposed to be smarter than dogs you're basically just eating dot like a thing with a family that can experience love and joy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. That's a whole other problem. Dick, spider bites are real. They can range in level of severity.

And those who are vulnerable or have compromised immune systems like children, the elderly, or boogie 2988 will likely suffer worse symptoms. Dick, Did you know Spider bite symptoms Include itchiness And rashes No Swelling

Difficulty breathing Blisters Muscle pain Wow Nausea Feather Chills High blood pressure

And general pain So you think Did you kill the spider Or what I killed the spider Yeah So are you like I took a can of raid

And went nuts on it. Okay. Are you going to not think that again in the future about maybe spiders are good? About saving its life? Yeah. Well, no, no. Now I'm just going to kill them. The only thing they're good for is killing more of their kind.

I guess if there was like a spider battle going on and one of them was killing a hundred others, I'd let that one live. But as far as I understand, it's even odds. How many people do you think are bitten by spiders in the U.S. every year, Dick? A hundred million. That's pretty close. As many as 5,000 people are bitten by spiders in the U.S. every year, Dick. Wow.

Fuck your crops. Fuck Mother Nature. Did you know that the average person swallows 80 spiders every year, dick. Wow. Fuck your crops. Fuck Mother Nature. Did you know that the average person swallows 80 spiders every year? Wow. Yeah. It's a lot. It's a lot. While you're sleeping, spiders just crawl into your mouth. They love it. How many people

do you think die every year of spider bites, dick? I'm going to go with 100 million again. Very close. Seven people die every year, Dick To spider bites Which is why Is this spiders or spider evangelists? Well, that's the thing

Spider ACLU I have to give, you know, the reason the spider evangelists are so wrong Oh, okay, okay Because they're not considering, one, the very real risks of spiders Right Two, the fact that spiders bullshit who provide Literally nothing of value to us at all Other than maybe when they're living outside

And they're fighting I don't know keeping some sort of ecosystem Going I'm not saying you gotta mass kill spiders I think that whole ecosystem thing Is a lie Is liberal propaganda bullshit Like about the Only Asian carp And green crabs

Tilapia is fine Tilapia is Just as good as Is tilapia an invasive species? Just as good as cod I think there's something to be said for Trying to keep some sort of invasive species out Not me

Well what do you call it? The uh I mean as we discussed The Chinese peasants The big famine was caused Because they killed all the sparrows You can't go overboard With killing one thing

And the Chinese are still around So What's the big deal? There were so many of them to begin with What's the big fucking deal? I mean it's gonna take a lot You're gonna have to do more than kill sparrows To get rid of all the Chinese

Yeah Anyway yeah Pro spider propaganda Look it's all bullshit Spiders do nothing of value for anyone They've kind of served as the cool basis For some superheroes, but that's just like incidental.

And fuck spiders. Yeah, I know. I got that. If you see them, just kill them. And if there's like a bitch there and she's like, you should just really take it, it'd be like, no. Yeah. Because there's no reason.

Pop her right in the face. Because it doesn't. Say, I got a web for you, bitch, and then jack off right in her mouth. Like Mads Magdon, whatever he was in Hannibal Lecter I thought there would be like one convincing thing Like here's why spiders are good But there's just trillions of them Why would there

You know I don't know Without spiders the Hoover Dam would collapse You thought there would be like one oh, without spiders, like the Hoover Dam would collapse or something. You know, like, you thought there'd be like one fun stat. No, I would not. I would not think that. Why would you? Do you know,

without spiders, we couldn't have hot air balloons. Every building would collapse because their fucking webs are in there. Wow. You know, spider webs are used by NASA

to make... No, there's like nothing Televisions Amazing They serve no purpose at all It's really tragic I'm glad that you've overcome your spider problem Here's my

Also they're fucking gross Go ahead Yeah they are I encountered a spider evangelist I was in I was on a houseboat in Lake Powell with my family, and that whole reservation is run by Navajo Indians. I think they're Navajo.

I don't know. I don't care. Wow. So they have like a big – they do power. They mostly do power. So they have a big power plant there, and they're selling power. But then it's a tourist attraction too. It's all Indians doing the boats.

So the guy's going through the mechanics of the boats. Making boats? Renting the boats. Renting boats. Setting you up with your boat. The guy's going through all the... Like a canoe? No, a houseboat.

The guy's going through all the houseboat controls with me and my dad. He's like, da-da-da-da-da-da. And a spider pops out. And I go, wham. Oh, my God. And the spider pops out And I go Wham Oh my god And afterwards The guy left my head He's like

You know When you smash that spider These guys actually like They believe in like Looked really upset Yeah they go They believe in like Reincarnation and stuff

And it's a very spiritual people And he's telling me this And I was like Oh yeah I know He goes Oh really And I said yeah And he goes

Oh that guy was like Oh he lowered his head to go And I said yeah And he goes oh that guy was like Oh he lowered his head to go And I said oh yeah Fuck these people So My dad's like okay Fuck their backwards So then

Yeah Then The boat Our power boat That we also rented To go on the trip They forgot to turn the pump The bilge pump on

When they gave it to us So it flooded and sank Oh my god And they forgot to do the oil So like on when they gave it to us, so it flooded and sank. Oh my god. And they forgot to do the oil. They were saying all this stuff. So we had to call in on the radio and get them out five hours to come out there and fix it. Were you guys

on the shore at that point? No, we were way out. Way, way out. Overnight, out in a cove. Did the boat sink? The powerboat sank. The houseboat was fine. The powerboat sank the houseboat was fine the powerboat sink sank the air conditioner on the boat

was all fucked up cause no one had like no one had fixed it cause all this lazy shit backed up so my dad's getting all pissed he's like oh they didn't fucking do this

they didn't do this they didn't do this and I was like hey uh you know maybe they didn't spend all their time worrying about spiders he's like

yeah fuck these people I was like thank you idiot I don't give a shit about their stupid spiders their spiritual shit maybe if you had respected I'm worrying about spiders He's like Yeah fuck these people I was like Thank you Idiot I don't give a shit About their stupid spiders Or spiritual shit Maybe if you had respected

Their ancestral culture The spider god Queezagwangle Would not have cursed you And your father But it is true These people care so much About spiders

And not the crippling Alcoholism of their communities Why don't you get your priorities straight? That's not a problem. That is a problem. Here's my problem. It's cock teasing. Hey, is Trump coming back to Twitter or what?

Is Alex Jones coming back to Twitter or what? Did you see the poll that Elon Musk just put up? Yes, I saw the poll. It's cock teasing. The poll is cock teasing. My cock is hard It's being teased And I hate it

Just do it Just suck my cock already I mean, he has to do it The poll goes for Trump, right? The poll right now Should Trump come back to Twitter Is winning He knows he's gonna bring him back anyway

He's just doing this fucking poll To cock tease Would Trump even come back, though? Doesn't, yes It doesn't matter It's just all cockteasing All of it's one big cocktease How's the cocktease?

You can watch Trump on Truth Social It's the same What new Nintendo What new Nintendo games Are coming out this year Let's watch our presentation It's fucking Pokemon Silly Edition.

Wow! Oh, more cock teasing. What's coming out for Nintendo? Stay tuned in spring. Just tell me what you're doing right now. Stop teasing my cock. My cock is teased

morning till night with everyone's getting in on it. with everyone's getting in on it. Elon Musk's getting in on it. The foreskin. We're going to do this. It's going to be a nuclear war. Yeah. It's going to be a nuclear war.

Watch out. It's going to be a nuclear war. Just shoot it. You just want there to be a nuclear war. I don't care. Just shoot it. Shoot it. That's a cock tease.

That's for me. I'm being cock teased. Either do it or don't. Yeah. Either you're not going to do it, so don't do it. Get the fuck out of my house. Or cockteased Either do it or don't Yeah Either you're not gonna do it So don't do it Get the fuck out of my house Or you are gonna do it

And shoot the fucking nuke So you don't like this This anticipation Of not knowing No I hate it Isn't that life? Isn't that everything?

I hate life I only like satisfaction Yeah All the time And then when that's done, even greater satisfaction immediately following. It's not the waiting because they know whether they're going to do it or not. Elon knows that he's letting Trump back on. So just do it.

Stop teasing everyone's cock. Isn't there a process? You got to get everyone excited. That's called cock teasing. When you go to a basketball game and they play Alan Parsons project. Tell me that. And you know, it's like, and at center, you're like, just put all the players on the court at once.

Don't even bother. Just tell me the score. Just tell me what the score was. I don't even want to see the game. Just skip to the end. Sons 125, Utah Jazz, 98. Yeah. Great.

What a great game Have a computer randomly determine the score And tell me immediately I hate it But don't you have to endure Some amount of cock teasing For the you know Eventual

You know In the bedroom You do a little foreplay You do a little Not me A little What do you do? Bloom

Pump and go go like one of those foam guns that you stick in stick in the pool and fill up what team is LeBron going to remember that cock tease of the century? The original? The team wasn't? Who was it originally? The Mavericks? I don't even know because all I can remember is the cock teasing. Yeah. Because it's so overwhelming.

Whelming. It's not waiting. It's just, well, just tell us. Well, I guess. Yeah, fuck me or what? I guess the difference is when they actually- They already know the answer. They already know the answer to all of these. Well, they don't know the answer to whether or not there's gonna be a nuclear war, Dick.

Yes, they do. The answer is yes. Just do it. Hopefully no. Well, the answer is no. They are the ones with the bombs. They know what they're doing or not. Putin knows.

Nobody else knows. Why would Putin know? Because he's the one who's going to press the button We're not going to start a nuclear war We have been the only country to start a nuclear war Ever In the history of mankind We have started a nuclear war

We started a nuclear victory And it was pretty good Pretty We are 0 for 1 In starting nuclear Not starting nuclear wars That's us Over 1

And we're talking It's only a nuclear war If they also launch nuclear Otherwise it's just A preemptive Strike in favor of democracy They kind of had a nuclear Reaction going

Yeah Yeah The Japanese? Heisenberg He dismantled his lab in Germany, and him and his scientists trekked it through the... The Himalayas? Yeah, and then built it in a cave and got a little bit going.

And then what happened? They lost. Lost the war. They stopped making it. Yeah, they brought him over here. Along with Dr. Scholl. The Joker guy. Remember the Joker guy that was going to say the N-word?

And then he didn't. Do you remember that? I do remember that. I don't remember if he actually said it, but I don't think he did. He did not. I'll tell you that he did not. The N-word Joker did not end up saying the N-word. No, he was mixing a drink and then he got interrupted as a bit.

And it was the worst cock tease of all time. Why didn't he just say it? Buddy, that's why you're voting it up. You have to vote this problem up. If you didn't like the way that guy did not say the N word, the Joker, you have to vote this problem up. Cock teasing. Yeah.

It's the worst. I mean, I understand. When you said you were bringing Cock teasing I assumed you meant In the traditional sense Of like a girl Like ooh Maybe I'll jerk you off

Oh here I come Ooh You know And you're like I just You want to hear about my day You're never going to Please my guy

On the day I add Or like a girl Like being really like Slutty and sexy When she has no Like intention Can we watch a movie Of fucking you

Yeah Exactly She has no intention Of fucking you. Exactly. She has no intention of fucking you. Yeah. You have no intention of launching a nuclear weapon. I remember a chick like that in high school and she'd be playing with her shirt

and be like, oh my god, my boobs are so whatever. And I'm like, you fucking bitch. Oh, I hate when chicks talk about their boobs. That's why I killed her. Fuck. Never mind. I don't know what happened to that girl. She disappeared mysteriously. The Joker, Twitter guy, not saying the N-word even though he had a full, he had an open field in front of him.

Well, the open field would have been getting his account banned immediately, right? He got his PayPal account hacked instead. So you got two choices, buddy. You got two choices just like the real Joker. You got to either say the N-word or get your PayPal hacked. Shit or get off the pot, N-word Joker. Yeah. What's the worst examples of cock teasing that you can remember?

Well, I don't know. I would have had to, like, think about it. Well, that's why we share these problems in advance sometimes. Sometimes. What are some good classic cock teases of all time? Oh, and they got me all excited for Mega Man Legends 3 And then they canceled it That was bullshit

What's Mega Man Legends when he runs around like Behind him? That one sucked You're a fucking idiot That was so stupid Who wants to do a Mega Man where you're behind Mega Man? Me. It's good.

What are you talking about? Well, it's back and forth. It's not running around. It's all adventure. You explore ruins and meet a colorful cast of characters. What does that mean? It was like an RPG almost. Was there weapons upgrades?

Yeah, you upgrade your weapons. You found different upgrades In the runes And then you spent Zenny To upgrade your weapons Megaman Legends was the best And then they were making A third one

And they How do you find weapons In runes? Cause they're from The ancient civilization Nah that's dumb From which Megaman Originally belonged

Or some shit No And then he woke up Dr. Light made Megaman It's a different universe No Dr. Light's not in this universe. It's not Mega Man no more then.

So you're telling me that Lord of the Rings, the Black Elf is all messed up, but this fucking Mega Man farce of ancient ruins, Mega Man. What if this Mega Man was created by Dr. Light like 2,000 years ago before civilization got flooded? Boom. Timeline.

It's not really the same game that is the same it's cool Mega Man wakes up thousands years of the future and he goes on fun adventures with a robot monkey and a hot chick a hot chick and then he makes a second hot chick no there's two hot chicks in underage looking like the Santa May okay what do you what do you want me to say? Alright, well that's my problem Yeah Cock teasing

Once I related it back to Mega Man Legends I did have to say Well, I guess I can get there Cock teasing If your cock has ever been teased You know what I'm talking about Dick You know what I like?

A great show A fun night out, you know? Like you can have it live.biggestproblem.show tomorrow. Yes, exactly. One of the best things about getting a ticket to a show is how easy it can be when it's just a simple order form like available at live.biggestproblem.show. But you know what sucks? When you don't have access to that and you have to go through a certain horrible little gremlin company known as Ticketmaster.

Yeah. Dick, my problem is the Ticketmaster. Oh, really? Now, here's the thing about Ticketmaster. This is such a complex. Why are your feet all the way over on my side? No, they're not. They're like fucking right.

I can see them from right here. Look at the angle of that. I just wanted to play a little footsie during my Ticketmaster prom. Dick, will you let me have some fun? Here's the problem. There's so much wrong with Ticketmaster that it's almost hard to get into, that it's an unreliable service. I don't know if you saw this week that Taylor Swift tickets,

the entire system went down because they flooded it with requests. Who did? Taylor Swift fans are the entire system went down because they flooded it with requests. Who did? Taylor Swift fans are just trying to buy tickets. They couldn't get through for hours. Yeah, it was all fucked up because their system couldn't handle it. But I don't even care about that. You should use the blockchain. Well, maybe.

I know you don't use that anymore. Look, I think the blockchain has applications. How's your stupid blockchain thing coming along? Is it ready? Almost. Beta testing it right now. Yeah. Oh, man, we're importing.

I imported our Patreon onto it today. The biggest problem, Patreon. Pay me to be outreach for your thing. Do you know crypto, guys? I'll give you tokens. No, but fuck that. Pay me to get guys who have projects to put them on the blockchain. I'll give you tokens.

I don't have money. Okay. I only have tokens. Well, maybe I want tokens. Okay. Cause I'm telling you, if you figure out how to make a,

like a crowdfunding thing. Yeah, but it's not crowdfunding right now. It's just Patreon. Yeah. But like, can't you like, it's the,

it takes more work to make it like crowdfunding right now. It's subscription. If there was a crowdfunding option then you could do it well no but i'm saying it would be an easier sell because there's a bunch of people trying to do crowdfunding right now and they keep getting fucked by kickstarter and indiegogo they're like everybody's getting fucked by everybody can't people just just kickstart every month like subscribe like that i guess yeah we'll figure it out. Alright. We're off topic. Ticket master dick. The problem I have with these guys is

they're basically a monopoly. Now, I don't know if you know about monopoly. It's not just a fun board game. It's actually a system in which one person or entity controls. Like universal healthcare. Sure. Or Medicare. Okay. Well, if that's how you need to look

at it to make it make sense How's it different? I'm not going down that road There's no point there Ticketmaster has become a monopoly By acquiring its rival Ticketron in 1991 And merging with Live Nation in 2010 Leaving them as basically

The number one ticket provider. As Mark Perry, an economist professor at the University of Michigan, says, Ticketmaster can get away with such exorbitant scalping behavior because it has a 70% market share and no meaningful competition. It's like diamonds. It is. They control the market, and they get to push people around and charge you the consumer

insane fees. What's an insane fee though? Like I saw that AOC was all about this this week. Oh, is that why you're going to be negative about it? Because AOC is also negative. I mean, I just feel like this is like, this is a problem that you should have done like a long time ago. And now that there's a lot of big problems.

Well, when they have that $90 A lot of big problems Well How about that 90 billion dollars That you guys just gave To Ukraine Is that pretty Ticketmaster-y Can you stop derailing My problems about

Ukraine and whatever The fuck else The big problem With Ticketmaster Has been That they basically Go to venues And they go

Unless you book All your acts Exclusively through us We're not gonna give you Access To most of these artists you know so they'll be like well you know it's just a shitty local band we'll just sell the tickets here and they're like no you sell them through ticket master or we're not going to let

pearl jam play here pearl jam being one of the few the first bands to sue them back in the day yeah and ended up going nowhere because they didn't have enough money to fight him. Then when they merged with Live Nation, they agreed to the Department of Justice said to them, listen, you can't threaten people with losing access to certain bands. Yeah. Like you just can't do that. It's illegal. We won't do that.

Of course we're not. In 2020, the Department of Justice found six instances where they violated that 2010 decree and using threats to ensure venue clients use Ticketmaster. The Department of Justice fined them $3 million. Oh, no. Oh, that's like one concert. Who was running the Department of Justice at that time?

Well, 2010 would have been what? Obama? Yeah. Well, that means have been what? Obama? Yeah. Well, that means he set it up. And then in 2020, it's either Biden or Trump. I don't know. Somebody. Trump had a lot of stuff going on.

It's the Justice Department. So did Trump set up the Justice Department? I don't know. Is that all grandfathered in? Yeah. You know, you do this thing where I try to have a problem and you got to connect it back to which president did what. All right.

I don't know. Do you think it matters? I do think it. Well, yeah, because I don't know. So what's the solution though? The solution is. Throw all of them in jail. Take every, go to all their house, kick their doors in, flip their cars over, take every

executive, a ticket master and put them in jail. We should not have allowed them to merge with Live Nation. They now have 70% of the market, which allows them to charge whatever they want for a ticket. And they'll take a ticket. I was looking at some of the stuff they do. Let's see. Prices will just go up steadily. So you go to get a ticket at. So you're, you know,

you go to get a ticket at $600, next thing you know it's $700. What's the solution though? They don't list every seat when a sale begins. That gives the appearance that the show is so close to selling out. Fuckers. Yeah. Not knowing that there's hundreds of seats. It's like, oh, there's only 20 tickets left.

Not knowing that there's really like thousands of tickets left. Yeah knowing that there's really like Thousands of tickets left Yeah And they collect fees twice Because they now allow people To resell tickets on their site right They collect a fee from that too So you get a fee When you first sell

They first sell the ticket On behalf of the venue They take their ticket fee And then when the scalper Sells that same ticket They get a fee again And you the consumer Are just getting fucked At every fucking stage of it

it's crazy yeah i don't know why we need can't can't people just sell tickets like can't each like artist just sell their own tickets do we need this crazy thing that adds like a hundred dollar service fee to the price of one ticket like yes they built a platform that makes it easier to buy tickets but surely there could be a blockchain alternative for selling fucking concert tickets that takes like a one percent cut as opposed to who started ticket master uh who started ticket master i really hope it wasn't the Jewish guy Who is responsible For Ticketmaster Monopoly Please don't be like Sheev Haim or some shit Please be like Bob Jones

Uh oh Founder Albert Leffler That could be anything Oh okay let's see Let's go to Albert Leffler Okay he's kind of got Uh oh Kind of got a look to him

But I'm not gonna Who invented Ticketmaster? Yeah. College staffers Albert Leffer, Peter Gadwa, and businessman Gordon Gunn. I hate this show. Albert Leffer. Wikipedia. Early life.

Let's see. Just click on Ticketmaster. I don't think you're going to find. Oh, I'm gonna find it Albert Leffler Okay Let's do a little research Phoenix, Arizona Okay Founder me look up. We'll cut to look up up what kind of name is Leffler.

Leffler, surname. Etymology. Don't put Jewish because it's going to find Jewish. Oh, oh, German. The occupational name for a seller of spoons, a Leffler. Is what type of origins? Kanye wins again.

Well, if only Ticketmaster would stop using the labor of these artists and exploiting it to their fans. There's two other founders. We don't know.

Okay, let's see the other two founders. Robert Smigelhausen and Gordon Gunn the third. That doesn't sound Jewish. Is Gunn G-U-N-N? Is James Gunn Jewish? Gordon McKay Gunn. He's dead. Dallas funeral.

Well, you probably have some information about him In his obituary Let's see He was born in Texas Uh huh Albuquerque His adorable nose

His father I don't see anything About any Anything Okay Sounds like a Wasp If there ever was one

Okay Okay Memorial services Will be held At Carcile Chapel We got a Catholic Wasp if there ever was one Okay Oh Okay Memorial services will be held At Carcile Chapel We got a Catholic baby Damn it

Boom Damn it It's only half Jewish Or a quarter Third Jewish Okay Take that Kanye Two out of three

Take that Two out of three Who's the last one Peter Peter Godwin Can we not This is so bad Somebody's gonna clip this someday and be like,

if you watch this podcast where they just go through and pick corporations and try to figure out. Okay. Surname. You got to look up yet. Don't add Jewish to it. Just put surname Godwin. Okay.

It was found in the U S and Canada between 1940 and 1920. No, it doesn't. There's not enough information. You didn't click on any of them. Pick one. No, there's not enough information. You didn't click on any of them. Pick one. No, I know what SEO content is when I see it. It should have.

Let's see. What nationality? No, that's not. Gatwick family. Could be anything. Names encyclopedia. Could be anything. Britain.

Well, just because the Jews are fantastic at business ideas, clearly this one got away from them. Gad. The name Gad's of Hebrew origin, but Gadwa, it could be anything. British, it says. British. All right, I'll give you this one. I don't know.

There you go. I don't know. Two out of three are clear of what I don't know. I don't know who turned it into Ticketmaster, though. Well, Ticketmaster, they just kept buying anybody else who sold tickets, and now it's just, again, if they want to charge a $200 fee for a $300 fee, you can't really say no because there's nowhere else to buy the tickets. And they've scooped up so many acts and created these exclusive contracts

with them that you're always going to be buying from ticket master. I don't even know why there needs to be a fee. Just tell me what the ticket costs. It's because they can sneak it up on you. You go a hundred bucks for a ticket. That sucks. But whatever. And then you get the checkout is like, it's actually $180. NFTs bro. It's bullshit. New tickets is NFTs. Boom. Done. They've've they've done a lot of sneaky things i mean again go to their wikipedia you'll see all the different laws they've run afoul of but i think this whole thing of threatening venues so you're not gonna be able to have any ticket master acts unless you exclusively uh that's unreasonable and i think a three million dollar fine is not

really gonna put them in line they probably make that in a day. Yeah. So Department of Justice step up. AOC is looking into it. Thankfully AOC fighting for Americans everywhere. Not just screen new deals but music new deals as well. What do you think she's going to get? I think she's going to put on her finest pantsuit

and give them a stern Twitter lecture. She'll probably go to a show. She might go to a show. She'll probably go to a show. She might go to a show. She'll probably go like, well, I do want to go see fucking... Do you really not like AOC? I just think she's... I like her.

I think she's fun. I think she's... I think if she was a conservative, you would go, yeah, I love this bitch. Oh, fuck her. She's hot. I don't think she's actually running her campaign.

Yeah. I think she's just like a spokesperson for an ugly chick that's saying all this stuff. Did you see when a bunch of people showed up to protest her, and she was snapping along to the beat of the protest? Yeah. Bobbing her head. I'm like, that's pretty great. But she Me Too'd Alex Stein, because he said she was a big booty Latina.

Which he didn't say. He said he would lick my pussy, y'all. No, he didn't say that. Yeah, she my pussy And it's like No he didn't say that Yeah she said Look at that He kept saying to me Look at that big juicy booty And if you go

And you replay the clip He never mentions That her booty is juicy No She was saying like Crazy stuff Yeah she added that stuff So what's going on in her head

That she hears juicy booty Who's saying that to her I can't respect a woman Who fucks a guy like that either Alex Stein was at Mar-a-Lago What the fuck have you you got to get in on that shit what really yeah You get again on the list for the fucking inauguration speech or the that was bad. He should have booed him Yeah, that speech was terrible, but not inauguration, but announcing that he was running. Yeah, that was bad speech Alex I should have tackled him

I don't think I don't think that would have been good for him at this point. He'd be a national hero. No, he's playing the game now. Now he's got to grease the palms and put on the smile and be everybody's buddy. I get it. Is that what he's doing? Yeah, he was at the thing he was taking pictures with all the

I don't know who was there. Ann Coulter and stuff? Yeah. Is he still allowed to talk to Ralph? I don't think he is. Oh no. hey Ian Coulter and stuff Yeah Is he still allowed To talk to Ralph I don't think he is Oh no We'll find out That's too bad

Well now he's working For uh The Blaze Which famously Is that Ben Shapiro's Company No that's the one that Uh

That Elijah Schaefer Was at right The one that Ralph Went and yelled at And like got kicked out Yes So you might be right He molested

He inappropriately groped a woman's boob Elijah Schaefer Did you hear about that? Yes and he got fired for it I don't believe it I believe it Why do you not believe it? Maybe he thought it was a guy with two dicks

On his chest Maybe he thought it was two men That were sitting down like this With their wieners like here And he was like ooh baby let me get a Sounded like it was pretty cut and dry You know who else works at the Blaze? Who?

Eric Cholai I uh Love that place I just fucking hate all that content shit I just So dumb all that content shit. I just... So dumb. I'm endlessly confused about... Why can't conservatives be cool?

So much of it is just, like, uncool. The Blaze is uncool. They're just so... They're so needy about, like, being liked. Yeah. Like, they need all of their i mean they even they're like even their mythology it's like oh jesus was just so great yeah he was just like really great making fun of insane leftists is fun and i get it and i'm but then they get then they go too far

and they start making fun of stuff There was like a video yesterday Where like I don't know if this Daily Caller They're all the fucking same thing Where this black lady Conservative You know like another wannabe Candace Owens

She's like Hollywood's so woke Just look at like Nope And I'm like The movie about aliens? That movie was good What are you talking about?

It's like look at Turning Red And I'm like A Disney movie about a chick Who turns into a panda bear What's woke about that Cause it's her period Yeah

It's like Teen Wolf Can you guys just like Pick cooler battles This is so fucking stupid You guys could just Talk about movies You don't always have to say Like it's woke

You just say like No I saw Turning Red I didn't really like it I didn't really like it No they have to find ones That they hate For political reasons Like we used to have Movie reviews that were just like, was it good or bad?

Yeah, now it's, I saw somebody. Oh, this is a woke. I literally saw somebody asking, like, how come we don't have a website like isitwoke.com where, like, before you watch a movie, you can, and I was like, just go see movies, man. Like, what is going on? Or don't. Or don't. Just don't go see movies anymore. Yeah, lock yourself in a room and watch bullshit. Like, what is going on? Or don't! Or don't. Just don't go see movies anymore!

Yeah, lock yourself in a room and watch bullshit. Like, it's totally fine! I hate movies. I fucking hate movies. I never want to watch them. I will never- I will try to never go to another movie. Because they're too stupid. Yeah.

They've been pretty bad. Although there's a couple coming out that I do want to see. It's just too easy. CG, I think, ruined movies. Yeah. Meanwhile, you love that AI-generated want to see. It's just too easy. CG, I think, ruin movies. Yeah. Meanwhile, you love that AI-generated art, though. It's, yeah.

Great. Not real. Not a real woman. I'm starting to come around on the AI-generated. They're doing some pretty good work. In what? In pornography. Oh, in pornography?

Yeah. They made AI of me blowing guys. Did you hear about that? Of images? Well, AI images. Yeah, of me... Sucking guys. Sucking guys off and having them blow loads in my mouth. Oh.

Do you want to see that? No. Okay. Because I wasn't going to show it to you. Is that right? They did that. Some homed it. And it's weird because...

Some homosexual... They all look like I'm in college. It's AI. It's a computer. It does it. It's an anime. Right. All right.

Well, whatever. No, I believe you. Whatever. They're anime you blowing guys. Yeah. So Alex Stein's working at the Blaze? I think he got a deal with the Blaze. Who else is that?

Because he asked me, he's like, why do you keep fighting with Eric blaze yeah is that who's else is that because he asked me he's like why are you why you keep fighting with eric july and i'm like because he's a talentless piece of shit and he's like oh yeah yeah you got it buddy come on i like alex stein i kept telling he's my favorite guy he's my my favorite comedian probably on earth aside from i might like him more than Alex Jones I would I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I'm like let me Write some sketches for you To ruin his career

No to like to like make Him Because some of what he does it's clearly like the guys at the blaze Are just like not funny you know Well yeah I'm like dude you could do like Some way Fantastic hey you know what? Somebody texted me tonight.

Apparently Tucker Carlson played the Netflix protest footage again tonight. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh. I got to find that. Let's go watch it. Yeah, I don't know where it was, but my cousin texted me. He's like, you're on Tucker.

I'm like, oh, sweet. You were on Tucker. I'm like, oh, sweet. I think conservatives can't be funny and artistic because they only want to destroy, like question things up to the point where they feel comfortable again. And then it's just all about conserving, obviously. Conservativism is to constantly be like, things were better last month, so I'm going to fight like hell to get back there.

Yeah, I like the advertising from 30 years ago. I don't like the advertising now. Can we have that advertising again? Yeah, okay. Why did you like advertising to begin with? Like what?

I don't know. There weren't as many black people kissing in the ads. I like those ads. Yeah, but I like them because that was like a good like they're obsessed They're obsessed with how men are portrayed in ads. Yeah, like well cuz you know that's it's like It's like brainwashing me that I'm not as good as like like I'm just out there fumbling and fucking bro Shut off the fucking TV and shut your fucking mouth Shut off the fucking TV and shut your fucking mouth.

Here, what does this loot crate make you feel better? It's got man soap and a night and a whittling kit in it and a leather fucking harness for your thumb that you could have in a finger box. A multi-tool and a... Oh, it's a multi-tool monthly subscription. Every month we send you a new multi-tool. It's a fucking flashlight with a spork on it. Oh, babe, look at this. I would subscribe to that little crib.

I love when a thing does another thing for no reason. It's a towel that has a beer can opener on it, like a beans, a can of beans in World War II. You step out of the shower, you open a can of beans. I don't know what people want. Dick, you had a problem for me? I mean, yeah, but it's kind of late. Just bang through it. Let me see if I have another

problem. I'm going to read this, guys. How about that? I'll bring mine in next time. We've had some tangents today. I think the news of boogie suicide is really, or blood cancer sorry. Cancer that's not fast enough. That's

my, slow moving cancer is my problem. Slow moving cancer. You got the cancer and I expect you to explode like the fat guy in Doom that had the chain gun on his hand. He's like melted away. But you got cancer that's going to race your obesity into the ground.

You fat sack of shit. I don't even know if it will. I wonder if it's like one of the waste away cancers. His blood turns to sludge. Is that what he said? I didn't watch the video. That's the disease. It's blood.

That's the fake cancer that he doesn't have. It turns into that oil from Dune Or whatever I didn't see that What was it the original Dune where he's flying around The oil's coming down the black oil Oil's coming down And then he grabs the heart key out of the kid And he like it was all like homoerotic

Dune? Yeah the original Dune the big fat guy Flies over to a kid and he rips out his heart And then he like fucking kisses him Indiana flies over to a kid he rips out his heart and then he like fucking Indiana Jones He kisses a kid. Yeah, basically What Baron Harkonnen was like a pedophile in the Dune movie? What it's like famously super insensitive and like LGBT pedophile or LGBT? Yeah, cuz they're like why'd you have to make him like a gay psychopath?

I'm like, I don't know. I just wanted him to like Kill and what would make you more afraid? A guy who's like who has seen home improvement before who's a psychopath or a guy who has not? Yeah, like in Dune. Slow moving cancer. What a nightmare.

That was such a cock tease. Because Spooky's like Oh I have cancer And I'm like yes And then Well I thought it would be like Not fake cancer It's kind of Blood cancer

How's that even a cancer Just get new blood Yeah right Just get new blood Just walk away Just keep getting new blood Whenever you feel like it Alright

Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Biggestproblem.show right. Patreon.com slash biggest problem. Biggestproblem.show. Live.biggestproblem.show to get tickets to the show in Long Beach tomorrow. You will get an email that will tell you the venue just to avoid trolls. I will tweet it probably too.

Yeah. I'm not too worried about trolls. And also, I think we know the guy. Me either. I'm going to be packed. I'm going to be packed. We're not going to get shut down by the city or whatever. No. Okay.

Let's do voicemails. I forgot how this show goes. Get your super chats loaded up. Yes. Okay. I'm really curious as to how fans of this show that's all about hyper-focusing on very minor things are going to take autism on the board. Well, they're going to take it as me being the big winner.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Thank you. Because everybody with autism denies that they have autism. They're like, no, I'm not autistic. I just watch the same television show I've been watching since childhood on repeat. That's autistic? A little bit. Shit.

Okay. I've been watching The Office for the 40th time. A little hyper obsessing over sorting my magic cards. Stop playing video games. That will change your entire life. What has playing video games ever done for you? In what way has that ever made your life better? In the last 10 years, from that photo you showed on the last episode to now,

with all that weight you've gained and all that hair you lost, how much better would your life be if you just had more fucking time instead of fucking pressing the button? Make a character jump and run around you jump and run around That's pretty stupid argument. Why are you playing? What is this? Like about 1918 inspection. What do you mean my playing? You're queuing something up for some reason. Most everybody around that it tells them. Oh god, I did not hit the big intro Why don't you just quit playing video games?

I didn't really understand the argument. I'd have more time. What is playing? He said, what is playing video games ever done for you in the last 10 years of your life? So basically, his argument is just kill yourself. That's all I hear. Well, what would have been better? Do anything.

Reading a book. Why is that better? Because you're getting knowledge about video games. Read a book about video games. Read a strategy guide. Don't play the game. Just read the strategy guide and be done with it. You need to establish.

In order for this argument to work, you need to establish something that is theoretically better than playing video games. Finishing your comic. establish something that is theoretically better than playing video games. Finishing your comic. No, that's not better than playing video games. It doesn't matter. It would be a big deal. Everyone would have a big parade for you. Everybody would buy your comic if it came out.

It's almost done. That's a lie. What is the percentage? How much? Okay. How many hours did you spend on your comic this week? I don't know. Okay, clock it this week.

Like six. When you sit down, use toggle six hours. What were those hours spent on? Trying to storyboard a page. One page? Yeah. That's too long. You got to just whip it out, rip it out. Look, this week sucked.

I had a bad week Why? Because that AI porn is really good Why is that bad? I don't know It's just I really got to figure out how to get it working on my machine What? No

You don't need to figure out how to get AI porn working on your machine I think I can make a lot of money If I can get it working Why? Because you can just sell it Who's going to buy porn? It's free No you make like a Patreon for it

For what? For porn What kind of porn? Anything you want Why would someone subscribe to that? They subscribe to porn thinking Because if you make it better And you're so good at the AI

That people don't know it's AI You can make a fortune Did you see they kicked at the AI that people don't know it's AI can make a fortune. Did you see they kicked all the AI generated art guys out of Comic-Con? Yeah. Or Anime Expo. Yeah, I did see that. They're not allowed to sell that.

I should have brought that in. For voting up. Okay. Let's see here. It's been a bad week, folks. Yeah, why? I don't know. You're always so depressed every week

I uh There's no good reason Cause Boogie has cancer Yeah Cause you think you might get cancer I'm mourning Boogie It's cold You know what it is

It's that thing where like It gets dark too early Yeah So it feels like way later than it is And then you're like Seasonal Afflictive disorder Afflictive disorder

It just like fucks with my brain Where I'm just like oh it's like night time So like I can't get anything done When it's really only like 5 o'clock Yeah You know the worst part about that is that they named it So it would be sad in the Yeah that's super gay

Also the new Magic the Gathering set coming out Bro What the set's bad? Well the Transformers thing Yeah that's terrible Yeah But the set online You can play it

And it's very addicting and fun Anytime there's a new magic set I lose like two days So maybe he is right You're so depressed by it too That guy's right I know But I'd be depressed regardless

Even if I was working No sometimes you come in hot Like after that funeral where you killed You came in here I was really killing it Alright here's another one You know I rarely Come to Vito's aid or do anything

Other than shit on him constantly Thank you But he is absolutely right To be the way that he is Compared to Andy Signore is compared to Andy Signore. Because people like Andy Signore have to constantly fight for the value and approval of their fans. When they have this quote-unquote non-toxic fandom, they, I see. They constantly need that, and so they'll change themselves and adapt

who they are to keep appeasing their fans. I don't know about that. Which is why I predict that in five years' time, Vito will still be doing exactly what he is,

and Andy Signore will look and sound And talk like Boogie No Andy Signore is just like Like he's like an entertainer Like he's like well what do you want to see Oh okay I'll entertain you on that Yeah

Oh you like oh okay a lot of people like this. Speaking of what you want to see, this has been a fun week for the whole Andy Signore world. Why? What happened? Did you miss all of this? I tried calling you. Oh, I was in bed. Oh, okay. Yeah. Where uh,

how do I explain this? Was a wiener involved? Yeah. Basically, these women throw themselves at Andy. Of course. Why wouldn't they? And a perfect man would go, thank you for your interest. A man with very low T and low energy. Yeah.

The kind of man you wouldn't want. A man with no appetite at all. Andy allowed these women and their flirtatious behavior to perhaps get the better of him. You have to. You have to put them down. You have to let them off and yourself off easily. Sent them some photos and I believe videos of him. Not on Signal?

He didn't get them on Signal? No, I think he got them on Signal. And he put auto-delete on? I think it was even on auto-delete, but somehow they got it off of there. I don't know. Bitches. Some like secret chat thing or whatever. He's got it off of there. I don't know. Those bitches. Some, like, secret chat thing or whatever. He's got multiple broads on.

I don't know. I don't know who it was. All I know is now there's a video going around. Of his dick? I believe his dick might be. I don't think it's been posted with his dick. I think it's cropped out so you don't see his dick. But the implication is that.

Oh, no that I've just hung out with Andy for like a weekend. I'm like, ah, this is great. No more drama. Yeah. But wasn't he like busted for hitting on a fan? It's like a whole thing. Women love this guy. Hey, like I said, his fan base is all women. So they come to him and they're like Andy let me show you my titties Andy let me show you my snoochie And then He goes Yeah yeah

Well let me show you a little something My ding dong Gotcha And they fucking clip it And they like send it around Yeah And I'm like They got my boy

They tricked him Women did I think That's how I feel They let him on Oh here it is And uh So Andy's ignoring now Demon girl's videos Yeah cool Women did. I think that's how I feel. They let him on. Oh, here it is. So Andy's ignoring now demon girls' videos.

Yeah, cool. He's sending videos of himself jerking off. Awesome. Dude has been a creep for years with sexual harassment. Bro, because no one wants to see your dick, all right? If you had a dick that chicks wanted to see, you would understand, but you don't. Never send pictures of your dick to anyone for any reason. Why? Fuck it. wanted to see you would understand but you don't never send pictures of your dick to anyone for any reason why fuck it

cause then I end up so what a bunch of gay guys see your dick oh my fucking dick's wiggling around now it's like a whole thing cause you know like you know people are reporting on it and shit it's awesome but then I got you know people coming to me

and they're like well Vito Are you gonna stand by this guy He's a creep Whatever I'm like I'll just leave me out of it I don't care No you gotta stand up What do you mean

Leave me out of it I stood up And so far You're fucking railing On Eric July For making a shitty comic book For two weeks But you won't stand up

For Andy Signore I am standing up I said I don't care And these women Clearly let him on But don't like Come to me And be like

Vito you gotta be A moral barometer and whatever else. The Snyderverse? Let me see that. The Snyderverse. Oh well that's the only other thing is all the guys who attack him are these guys who are obsessed with Zack Snyder who hated him to begin with. So they don't even care. They're like we're trying to protect women from

this predator. I'm like you're just trying to fucking slut shame and ignore it. Simping man! It's the same shit that they do in Iran. Yeah. They fucking try to... Right? Don't say it like that. Iran.

In Iran. In Iran, my home country of Iran. Who is this bitch ass? Just some guy. Mercury is self-aware of this V.E. Snyderverse. Learn how to fucking spell, dude. I was just really mad also because I was like, Andy, look, if you're going to do it, do it.

But then he had a fucking Popcorn Planet sticker on his phone that he's holding up. I'm like, don't do it with your channel logo. Nice. In the fucking video. That's cool. Anyway, Andy has been catfished for nudes. No. It was a catfish?

I don't know what it was. I don't know what happened. I can't find it because this guy's just talking about like fucking movies and shit. Well, I don't want to find it. Let's not find it. I don't want to watch it. The point is you can't go to a guy and be like, hey, you know, you're sexy. Send me pictures of you being sexy.

And then he sends them to you. And you go, oh, I got you now. I'm going to tell everybody that you're an abuser or some fucking shit. I don't even know. Abuser? Oh, there's him getting kissed By Johnny Depp Hello

Well that's the thing Also he was having a great week With the Johnny Depp And then all these haters Coming out of the woodwork No man Fuck that If women can be 700 pounds

And go outside Then a guy A famous guy Can Take a picture of his dick I don't think you're gonna find it I think this is pretty far back But don't worry.

We don't need to watch it. November 3rd. It's not useful. I just want to see his wiener. They don't show the wiener. Whoever has put it up knows they can't post his wiener because that would be like. So his wiener is in play? It's off screen.

I believe the original video may have had the wiener. It's a whole video? He sent a video. And the video is him and his hand's moving a lot And I assume the hand's doing something off screen His hand's moving a lot I'm getting in trouble with Andy Anyway Andy

Stay strong Stop sending If everybody, he's in trouble. Do it more. Fuck it. And then Mr. Girl's fighting with everybody. Everybody I'm associated with is having like a crazy week. Here, hold on.

Let me take a picture of my dick and send it to Brittany. No, I was saying the only person to stay out of it in my life is dick. I also have a bunch of people going, hey, what's Mr. Girl good doing? Can you talk to him? Like, what do you think about all this? I'm like, man, he's his own man. I don't want any part of it. What do you think about that?

I told him not to do it. Do you think destiny should go to sexual awareness counseling? I don't even know if it's a sexual thing. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to say this. Mr. Girl is going to put out a video,

I guess, and it'll be. It's going to be. That sounds devastating. Well, I don't think it will be. Is he going to be like Dr. K? What happened to him? I guess ultimately my thing is I'm devastating Well I don't think it will be Is he gonna be like Dr. K What happened to him

I guess ultimately My thing is I'm like I don't care about Destiny Maybe other people do Like Destiny Getting called out Or at all Well also

I don't know I don't understand the scope of it And then people are calling me Like a simp for Mr. Girl Just for even commenting on it But like He seems to really think that whatever happened is like

very bad and needs to be addressed. Yeah. I don't get it. Did you see Destiny's wife was like posted a thing? It was like joking around. Well, that's the thing is that she's like, are you sure you want to talk to that? That bitch looks crazy. Are you sure you want to talk to her? And he's like, yep.

That was the... Nice. Got him the Yeah nice Got him Yeah Got him I think this is a mistake From everyone I think everybody I don't think Destiny's

Important enough to go after I guess Oh I'm saying most people Don't know who Destiny is So? I think when you're In these communities

Like you think people Are more important than they are And they need to be taken down or whatever else I don't think that I don't know if you think that But I'm saying I don't even think Destiny's a good target for Mr. Girl Who's a good target? I don't know

Like a politician who like killed a bunch of kids or something Obama Yeah, Obama, sure He drone strikes all those kids No, I just think there's better I don't care what Destiny does Destiny strikes me as a I don't think he's the most balanced

Individual I think he's fucking nuts So like you know if he's abusing women I'm like yeah probably He literally streams I believe in women's rights and lefts Any guy who streams video games For 12 hours a day, I assume has something wrong with them.

Oh, so it's wrong to hate women? Okay. Whatever. Here you go. Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito. Hey. It's me, Vito's autistic stepbrother, and this is how I talk.

Wow. At least I know what a superset is right you're not gonna do a super superset my autistic half brother you're just gonna shit in your pants that's all you ever do anyway okay one more one more one more i don't know this one. This guy said naggers, and he's making a joke, but I think it's too close to the real world. Why do you need fans complimenting you? How's that?

Hey, Jake. Hey, Vito. After the most recent episode, I'm a little curious. Vito, why? Why do you need fans to be nice? You complaining? You want your baby complaining? You complaining that we're being mean to you?

We make jokes and you get upset for a baby? It's okay, baby. Here's your bottle. Fuck you. Deal with it. I literally go, that'd be nice. Deal with it. Ditto, keep making the stingers.

Fuck you, no. Do me a favor. The Hall and Oates one was the best one yeah which one was that do a out of touch version

if you can in the future do a one version extended but you know it'd be really cool I need a Vito's

Twitter stinger I love that I love that I go you know it's fine and I'm fine with the toxicity it just would be nice to have a fan base that's, you know, a little nicer.

And a guy goes, oh, the old baby could cry. He's like, fuck you. Just saying it's nice. I'm not saying I need to be complimented and loved. It's just it's nice when you go on Reddit and somebody goes like. It's pathetic that you're saying this stuff. No, it's. You're right.

I'm a fucking rock of a human being, and I don't want to hear praise from anybody. Every episode, tell me what a piece of shit episode that was, and you're a piece of shit. Now you're turning into Boogie. You're going to get cancer. Yeah, exactly. I'm Boogie. Just tell me to kill myself,

because that's the only thing any man deserves on this planet. Guys, get your tickets today For the greatest live show tomorrow Get your super chats in Get your Super chats in right now We will see you at the live show And it's gonna be fun What am I drinking at the live show

Dick I don't know What do you like drinking What do you mean you don't know Too old to not know I never really like figured out I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? Too old to not know. Well, that's the problem. I never really figured out.

I like all sorts of stuff. White wine spritzer? What do you want? I like cranberry juice. And vodka? A little vodka in there, yeah. Okay. So you're drinking like you're a girl with a yeast infection?

An old New England woman. It's actually probably me. That is why the cranberry juice makes it flow very nicely. David Gomez for five. Inshallah. I get a prayer call to prayer for this measly amount. Hijab or not? Vito Stingers are great.

Put on the hijab. Put on the hijab. You're not going to call for prayer for that. Mr. Drunkle123. Cool hat, Vito. Thank you. Cool, it says in quotes very cool thorn tizzle for five first time catching the show live in months and i'm not a loser that watches live streams on a friday night i'm a loser that plays magic instead oh

baby i'm thinking about my pokemon deck right now oh i built a bruiser of a deck i'm thinking about trying to prevent myself from opening all the boxes of magic cards I bought to resell. From the new set? From Brothers Warriors? Yeah. I'm going to try and sell them on my own. Get shit-faced and open them all. No! It's a lot of money. I'm going to go on whatnot.

I'm going to sell packs for like 25 bucks each. Thorn Tizzle for 25. Call to prayer for the reserve list to be abolished. Inshallah. Okay, wait. That means we've had five for 25 called a prayer for the reserve list to be abolished inshallah Okay, wait, that means we've had five for a call to prayer and 25 we have to get 50 for a call to prayer What does he say? Reserve list to be abolished? He wants moxies to be legal again. J for five I am become master destroyer of tacos IOS for Mexican 129. What's that a dollar?

Finally caught it if it's green it means five you can compare to the greens finally caught a stream live I'm doing a randomized Pokemon Nuzlocke I want you to pick my starter okay this is gonna be a trick yep this one's a trick to pick my starter between a Mewtwo that was

a complicated one read it Dick a Mew b fair and legate no you gotta read a mu a mu b fair alligator c salt swat you're allowed to say it why are you skipping the word too that's how you pronounce that mu yeah it's mu two it's mu two damn it i was trying to It's Mewtwo. It's Mewtwo. Damn it. I was trying to get you. I'm not going to say it. Ah, shit.

I know. I was trying to get you to say it. But why would I say it when I already know I'm not going to say it? Because you get so angry and you just say it like Roadrunner. Like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. A, Mewtwo. B. Comma for alligator Sea swallow

Alright Very smart Zad1242 says Seikuyo What? You can read that? No not really But

Really? I know what it is I know what's here What does it mean? Well I don't know. Oof. Nonsense. I was trying to see if I remembered Katakana, but I think I'm wrong on all of those.

Okay. The last one might be, yo. Fadix the Great for five. All praise to the spider god, Kwiza Gangl. May his vengeful, fiery wrath reign for a thousand eons. A thousand eons. Kezel Gongol. Yeah.

Cynicist for two. Vito, role from Mega Man Legends is way too young. There is a scene in the game where you burst in on her in the bathroom and see her naked, supposedly. Not that one. That one. Which one? That one? Yeah.

No, she's got... She's totally reasonable. Oh, come on. That's you're saying is... That is a vibrant 21-year-old college student right there. I mean, it could be. Yeah. She's not drawn like a little kid.

Does she have parents? She has a grandpa. Dr. Light? No, this is like an old guy. I already told you Dr. Light's not in the game. Okay, so a Doc is her type figure is in the game? I don't know. That's not. Oh, this is her from the game?

Yeah. That doesn't look like it. No, it looks like she has tits. What are you talking about? She's kind of got tits, I think. The implication of this is that she's, well, maybe they're trying to keep it mysterious. I don't know. Roll for Mega Man Legends is the right age. Fuck you.

CG for five. I want a $10 bet that when Vito picked his tees, it would be either food or video games. Here's Dick's cut because mine was Mega Man Legends 3. It was my cock tees. Alright, you get five bucks, Dick. Peter Hansman for five the only exercise

Vito gets is dancing along to His stingers keep up the great work and get Some exercise but if you can only do One do the former do the former Keep up the great work Kyle Baxter for Two happy holidays you boys look nice tonight Thank you odd it's my beautiful hat CG for five need a new segment

Called was Kanye right I just hear all this But CG for five, need a new segment called, Was Kanye Right? I just hear all this colluding and illicit business practices against musicians. And I think, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. All right. I need to make a note. I do want a Was Kanye Right stinger, where anytime something comes up business related, you check, well, who owns the business? Was Kanye right?

Turns out the etymology of the name Smuckerwitz comes from this gender. Okay. Justin Sweat, for a big $10. Glad you brought in my problem from the Collins Show. Ticketmaster also sells proprietary software to help scalpers skirt their own TOS and buy mass quantities of tickets so you can never get the normal price. Oh, they have their own software for scalpers to use? Huh. Well, Gyro has pushed us above and beyond the realm of Allah with a $150 donation. Howdy,

Dick and Vito. My girlfriend is from Iran, but doesn't wear a hijab. I don't want to be punished by Allah. Allah. Please help. Also, first time here live. Glad I could make it here tonight. Cheers. Well, thank you, Gyro, and you know who thanks you as well is our Lord

Almighty Allah. And, uh... You keep saying it wrong. Well, how do I say it? Allah. Allah. Allah. Everything that you say, if you're saying it with a Middle Eastern accent, you have to spit it in their face. Allah.

Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah.

Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah.

Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah.

Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Allah. Oh, thank you for your donation to the show. May the magic reserve list be no more. All the mocks and the backlogs will be showered upon you like jewels from the eyes of Almighty Allah.

May your bitch of a girlfriend put on the fucking hijab as is the will of almighty Allah. Allah. Allah. We put it on in her sleep. We put it on in her sleep. We make a job. We have augmented reality. Allah! Put on the hijab so you do not

bring disgrace against great brother. Great brother general. Allah, I wear the hijab. Let's make a deal. Let's make a deal. I wear the hijab. Death penalty for all who do not wear hijab except for simp man who has been tricked by a woman.

I put a hijab glasses on to put a hijab on every woman. I put a hijab on burger before eat burgers who do not see. Also role from Mega Man Legend is not too young. Not too young. Not too young at all. She robot. Many components, parts are from 20, 30 years very legal

component parts. The clean Mega Man Legend's role is not a robot. Only original role is robot. Still is her own. Give to us concept of woman Only original role is robot. Still is Haram. Alisha. Give to us concept of woman, oldest time, component of robot, is old, is 13, 40 years old, conception of a robot. Why am I doing this bit? For all the things we need to get cancelled for, this shitty bit is not worth it.

Could go either way. Could go either way. Could go either way. Could go either way. And it's up to you to pick the age of could go either way. You're picking your mind. I'm going to get like some big, exciting project. And then we go. Is this you yelling about the fucking hijab?

Like a nut? I'm going to yell you out. Mega Man Legend 4. Find a Mohammed! Mohammed the Spear Gun! Mohammed the Spear Gun! We hope that Boogie's cancer takes him swiftly into the mighty realm of the virgin.

But because Boogie will die a virgin, he will not receive more virgins. Mohammed's spear gun bounced off of Boogie's teeth shield. This is Allah. This is the special weapon. This is Allah. What a show, folks. Make a man has learned a Boogie teeth shield.

All of his face spinning around like a leaf shield. Every weapon basically looked like the weapon of previous games He is the most powerful shield in all of Mega Man I don't even know what voice I'm doing now God bless our Muslim brothers Thank you, Jairo, for paying for half a bag of magic curds That's a recurring bit. That's a recurring is screaming over the

We got a couple no, oh shit, you're right. Sorry, you're right. Wow wrinkle for a tan I'd like to deduct $10 from the Call to Prayer fund. Okay, but. He says, I just want TBF. River Beard for two. Two beef. Vito. You need to talk about Hasbro.

You see Hasbro's stock is cratering. Yeah, because JP Morgan said they're overprinting. You guys are printing too many magic cards. It's true. It's true. It is true. Yeah. I have so're overprinting. J.P. Morgan was like, you guys are printing too many Magic cards. True, it's true. It is true. Yeah. I have so many of these Transformers cards right now, and they're all like worthless dog shit.

Because they're just like printing. Do they put RC in? The guy? The lady Transformer. Yeah, yeah, she's in there. I don't like RC. But you get one in every fucking collector's pack, so you just end up with like a pile of them. They're not worth anything because nobody cares We'll see what happens with magic

I think they're fucking it up Demercy, praise Allah His almighty judgments of you too Be fair and forgiving Oh I suck I've been gay all the damn time Wow

Well, for 25 Canadian dollars And a beautiful praise Allah Inshallah Our brother Demersi Jeff M for two Alhamdulillah Fucking this fucking bit Alhamdulillah

We need a new racially insensitive bit That's not race It's a religion It's not a race Okay of course Why don't we just talk like Asian people And tape our eyes back? Because that's a race.

Michael winning for five. The biggest problem in 2025 will move to Friday mornings and just be one long call to prayer. We're starting a religion here, folks. I honestly fucking wish that I could wake up and do call to prayer at 5 a.m. in the morning and just fucking bust out. What up? I'm talking about fucking Regigigas today. The fucking V-Star slaying Pokemon. Regigigas.

Regigigas. Registeel. Regiize. You're really putting that Pokemon tag together, huh? Yes. Your nephew won a single game. He beat my, yeah, he beat me last time. Oh, my God.

With my Mega Charizard. Time to Reggie it up, I guess. But it was bullshit. It was bullshit, and he pulled a misinterpreted the rules on me. Oh. Because I was trying to play Pokemon abilities for my bench, and he said, you can't do that. And I said, I think you can, man, but dinner's in like 10 minutes, so we got to finish up this game. And I looked it up later.

Of course you can use Pokemon abilities. Yeah. So he's like, Uncle, I misinterpreted the rules. Uncle, I misinterpreted the rules. I'm like, I fucking. Misinterpreted. I fucking think that you were doing it last time we played, so you know. And you fucked me.

I remember being at a tournament, and a kid played a dark alakazam On top of a regular cadabra And I was like Well that's just illegal Yeah And the store owner's like I don't know the rules So I'm just gonna allow it I'm like this is some bullshit

Refresh one more time But guys don't forget To go to biggestproblem.show Live.biggestproblem.show Live.biggestproblem.show Live show Are we gonna stream it live no no no no it's so much work but we will record it and we will post it as a bonus episode gentlemen sausage just checked wiki roll is 14 go to jail look anime 14 is not 14 it's a different thing sailor moon is like 14 don't play the fucking

anime 14 is different well it's 14 she's not 14 she's it's different she's got to be like 17 she 17 Maybe she's 14 in the first one Motherfucker That's not 17 You think that is? No way She's not She looks

She's a teenager She's a vibrant Beautiful woman Anime rules don't count Wait a minute How is Chun-Li supposed to be In the first game? Wait look

The first Chun-Li ending Street Fighter 2 ending She's like in her 20s Cause she's in Interpol right No that's a retcon Originally she was just a teenage girl Look here look How old is Chun-Li

She's not gonna tell you how old she is in the ending Yeah but look Hold on Hold on How old is her A young single girl she says She's probably like 16 Really I don't know what it'll tell you if you look it up How old is her? A young single girl, she says. She's probably like 16.

Really? I don't know. It'll tell you if you look it up. How old's Chun-Li? Heavy, you can't trust? You can't trust that shit. Well, I don't trust this guy who says Roll's 14. That's bullshit.

Okay, how old is she in your mind? 29. 29. Chun-Li aged Street Fighter 2. How old is Chun-Li aged Street Fighter 2 How old is Chun-Li? 15 15 That's crazy And how many of you guys are beating off to Chun-Li?

Let's be real Everyone Everyone Everyone on earth is beating off to Chun-Li They're all PDF files Every last one Last one Last refresh Koof for two Everyone on earth has beaten onto each other. You're all PDF files. Every last one. Last one.

Last refresh. Koof for two. Just think you're not killing yourselves. All right, goodbye. Put up a graphic real quick. Thank you to all our supporters on the show. Dick doesn't want to honor you, but I, of course, do. No, fuck you.

Goodbye. No, we love you. Goodbye, everybody.