The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 70

Episode Date: December 24, 2022

Onmibus Spending, Swastika Scaries, Going to the Dentist, Fan Entitlement

We're the Chipmunks Thanks a lot, Vito It's me I'm not stronger than ever before We're the Chipmunks Theodore, Simon Alvador Alvin, Simon, Theodore

Alvin and more No, no I'm on a big It's been a while, bud We are here No We're the Chipmunks kick. We are here. No. We're chipmunks. Those are not the lyrics.

David, Simon, Alvin, and more. No. Stop butchering my childhood. I told Dick I've been, I don't know, getting back. We're live, FYI. Getting back into the chipmunks. You're reliving your youth? Is that what you're doing?

I find the whole chipmunks like... Because it was like one of those homegrown, like, a guy. Yeah. Made an entire franchise out of a basement. You know, like that's... Yeah. That's what you aspire to do. Well, it's the essential American dream.

It's like you're dicking around, you make a stupid little song, and the next thing you know, you've created a franchise that spans generations. Yeah. People love that stuff. So when's your comic coming out? Soon. It could be...

Did you see the new fan art? God damn it. Yes. I think I saw the new fan art. Did you? Are you sure you saw it? People thought that you would like this one. Well, that's the problem is I do like it, but...

You like the other one too, right? I don't like it from a marketing perspective. Why? I feel like there might be... Might turn certain people off. I'm not sweating. What do you mean you don't like this? Why not?

I mean, it's better than the last one. I'll say that. What is... This is your guy, Superkiller. Defending the Capitol. Defending... Killing a super hero ashley babbitt

Not a superhero. I I reject that hypothesis. Look at him Maybe he's killed the capital cop police guy and then killed her also Maybe he deserves maybe help pick up trash afterwards heroically. What do you think? Is that is that gonna be? Canon do you think no, it's to be canon, do you think? No, it's not canon. Stop. Why don't you say maybe? Maybe it could be canon. Maybe.

Maybe Super Killer killed Ashley Babbitt. Why don't you do some of these fun things for your Kickstarter, like doing limited edition posters of all these, of like Earthworm Jim getting butt raped or like, you know. Because depending on what I do, I'm not going to be allowed to have a Kickstarter. Why? I'm pretty sure if I saw a poster of Superkiller kneeling on men's necks,

they're going to kick me off. They have like... You don't put it on there. You just say wink wink. We're going to do a limited run. A limited edition lenticular poster. I don't know what's gonna be on it It could be anything Oh my god

Don't you know how to do crimes and get away with things? What's wrong with you? For some reason every time you bring up this subject Like it hurts me mentally Like I feel Cause you know that you want to do it You know that you wanna do it so bad And you know that you're

Cause you're selling out in real time. I did fight with the Earthworm Jim guy a little bit, but that was funny. What does he do? What do you call it? What's his name? What's the name of the guy who makes Earthworm Jim? Doug Tenapel.

Doug Tenapel. And then Doug posts on Twitter. He's like, I think YouTube should apologize for banning my channel. They should. It's admitted that the vaccine... COVID was a hoax to get rid of Trump. No, no, no. He says it causes blood clots or whatever.

Okay. And he's like, that's the reason I got banned from YouTube, so they should apologize during the statement. And I was like, yeah, but what about all that election and misinformation you were posting as well? Oh, here we go. You created a superhero that killed George Floyd and you're going to sit here and try to grandstand

about misinformation? Hold on. That's such bullshit. I'm going to correct the record. I did not create a superhero that killed George Floyd. I'm looking right at it. That's not what happened.

I'm looking right at it. Oh, it hurts so bad. Don't be like that Matt Fury guy and disavow a very popular. Yeah. I thought he's taking Pepe back from what I've seen. Who else could super killer kill? Anyway, I insulted the creator of Earthworm Jim and he got really mad.

He's like, well, what would you like me to do because of all my election misinformation? You're putting a tone on his tweet that he did not put on there. I know how he talks. That's not how he talks. I said you should be Probably flogged In the town square And then he's like Flogged

And then he started Looking at my profile He's like Super killer The most hilarious book ever Yeah right Talk about misinformation And then I

Boom Bang And then I was like Gotcha that one Yeah he really nailed me And then I asked him For a back of the book quote, and the quote he gave me was,

Super Killer is a comic book. Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior, and you should repent and accept him. And I was like, I might put that on the back of the comic. Why would you not? From the creator of Earthworm Jim. You need to lean into all this stuff, all this bounty that's being dropped on your feet.

I think I have my first back of the comic quote. What would make you more money? Getting kicked off of Kickstarter because one of your goals was your superhero kneeling on George Floyd's neck? I don't think that's helpful. Or not doing that? I don't. He doesn't. That goes against the character.

And it's not George Floyd. It's Isom, remember? Oh, yeah, Isom. Stop saying he killed George Floyd. Jesus Christ. Okay, Isom. Oh, my God. Isom, remember? Oh, yeah, Isom. Stop saying he killed George Floyd. Jesus Christ. Okay, Isom. Oh, my God. Isom.

It's fine if he fights Isom, but he kills him. Oh, my God. What's wrong with that? There's a lot of things. It's just a lot of things. You're just throwing across the Rubicon with me. No, I don't want to cross the Rubicon. I'm happy on the other side of the Rubicon.

No one is. Fuck that Rubicon. That's the nature of the Rubicon, man. I'm tired of it. All right, are you ready to to cross the Rubicon. I'm happy on the other side of the Rubicon. No one is. Fuck that Rubicon. That's the nature of the Rubicon, man. I'm tired of it. All right, are you ready to go? Yeah, sure. Oh, God. Biggest.

Yes. Problem. Oh, wow. In the universe. It is. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From forced festive gatherings to cringy creator blatherings.

From John M. Does that work for you? How about this one? From video games getting rushed to Isom's neck getting crushed. Stop it. No. I'm your host, Dick Bastards. And joining me as always is Vito Giswaldi. God damn it Dick. Hi. Vito, how you

doing? Super killer respects the horrible things that have happened in the African-American community. Gotta kill him now. That's his job. He's like Quantum Leap but a superhero. I have been speculating. Sound like when that Quantum Leap when Sam had to kill that retarded guy. He didn't want to do it.

I didn't see that episode. Me either. You didn't see every episode. No. You only saw. That was implied in one episode. It was implied that he killed a retarded guy. It was implied that you didn't see every adventure.

Fair enough. Okay. So anything could have happened. It's a quantum leap. In the vast multiverse. Yeah. What were you going to say? It's a quantum leap.

In the vast multiverse. Yeah. What were you going to say? I was going to say that I'm so excited to be here just two days before Christmas. Yeah. It's a festive time, a time to be shared with friends and family. Yeah. So I don't know why I'm sharing it with you, you psychopath.

And to get super chats. It's true. It's the time for giving. Especially if you don't have a family. Yes. If you don't have any friends or family, you should be super chatting us We're basically your friends and family So fork it over Well I might as well just get it out of the way, Dick Are you ready for your Christmas present?

What do you mean? You brought me a Christmas present? Yeah It's not actually like a gag gift Do you have a gift receipt? I have obtained you two Magic the Gathering Commander decks So you and your beloved Can play together You have a gift receipt? I have obtained you two Magic the Gathering Commander Decks. Oh, really? So you and your beloved can play together.

Hitomi Tanaka? Hitomi Tanaka. I got you. Wow. Magic First Flight. Do you have these? I have my own Commander Decks. Are they the same?

So maybe at some point. Well, then you build all different ones. Bring it over. We should live stream a game of Pokemon or something. Yeah, I'm going to say at some point we should play. Because I know you like magic and... Wow, well. Bring it over. Yeah, I'm going to say at some point we should play. Because I know you like magic and Wow, well There you go. Well, you got two so you can play them

against each other. I got you this bottle opener. Oh yeah, this one that's been on the table for the past year. I actually need that one. Don't. Wow, thanks Vito. And can we mention in the studio we have Maz who got us this delicious salmon jerky.

Smoked salmon. Dang. I'm excited i'm excited wow thanks buddy thank you sir thanks for the snacks and zaps chips these are good chips actually i've had these um orland style okay do you want to get to the the uh the common yeah the winner problem the winner yeah starving artists i won that's a good problem bullshit that not bullshit. What was your problem billionaire bootlickers? Everybody again our audience is full of temporarily embarrassed billionaires Although Elon Musk keeps fucking up. Yeah, did you see he's oh should I be the CEO? Maybe the CEO put out a poll. I was like, I'm gonna kill myself They're like now right should I kill the CEO? He put out a poll. I was like, I'm going to kill myself. They're like, nah. Right? Should I kill myself, guys?

Let me know if I should kill myself. Would you miss me if I was no longer around? Mom! The worst part of the should I step down from Twitter was, do you know the quartering? You've had him on. I love the quartering. Okay, but he's having a mental breakdown, like a midlife crisis or something. It seems like they're dating.

He was literally begging Elon Musk. He's like, you can't step down. This is the most important period in the culture war, and without you, we will be lost. And then Elon was like, I don't think anybody can run Twitter. And the quartering was like, Elon, I have years of experience. I want to run. I'm like, dude, you make YouTube videos about how. And the quartering was like, Elon, I have years of experience. I want to run. I'm like, dude, you make YouTube videos about how much. He made like a loom video.

Okay, here's my curriculum vitae. This is what I would do. First three years of running Twitter. Here's my 10 to 30 year plan for getting Twitter back in the black. I love the quartering, but I was like, man, what are you doing? I don't know. Yeah, I was like, it was really out of character for him. And he made a video where he was like talking about what's going on.

He's like, guys, you know, I'm 40 years old. I'm getting older. I'm not long for this world. Oh, wow. He sounds like he's going to fucking die. The quartering said that? Yes. I got to show you this clip from Tommy C later.

Tommy C was watching it live. I just fucking lost it when the quartering said He's not long for this world I don't know man We need a nice guy I don't think you need a nice guy in charge of Twitter I think you need a real fucker Who's not afraid of getting murdered I also just don't think Elon Musk is going to lead us out of the culture war

And usher in the grand era of free speech or whatever He's really banning kids for Reporting where his jet is So I don't know A lot of people have put their hopes And dreams in that guy Cause he's like Jesus If technology is your

Heaven He's tech Jesus That's true Then he's your Jesus Christ Then he's your salvation It's going to that Lex Friedman prick right That guy who lies about being a

Research scientist Yeah he's like He's like the other like New guy that everyone goes Oh Lex Friedman He's cause he cares about everybody But I'm like, shut up. Who cares?

Dude, if you're preaching love right now, you're fucking lying or retarded. Anyone who says they love everybody right now. Right now. Other than Kanye. Because you can't afford gas. Because Kanye doesn't love everybody. Yeah, but Kanye is loving Hitler, which is not. Yeah, Lex Friedman wouldn't say he loves Hitler and that's why he's lying.

Yeah. Because he doesn't, so he doesn't love everybody. Kanye found a way to make love be like like, really insulting for a lot of people. I preach love. Oh, really? Yeah, I love Hitler. Awesome. I don't know how to feel about that.

Okay. The last two problems. Holiday parties and then Blockbuster nostalgia. Blockbuster nostalgia was the negative. I guess everyone loves Fucking Blockbuster Yeah Because of the thing I said about the families

Yeah that you all had These loving homes That you rented movies Even you have a memory That when your stepmom Called you gay For renting anime Yeah so I guess

It's a negative Association It's still a memory Yeah No such thing as Negative associations I'm not yet Okay

Jesper Seep says This is the best Vito episode. I don't know what that means, but thank you. Drink a beer and play a game says, my only nostalgia of Blockbuster is when my dad ripped up our laminated card using a car key after being charged a full late fee for being three minutes late. So it was a fucking, that's what I'm saying, is like my memories of Blockbuster is them gouging you for like little late fees and shit. Yeah, but

that's when you love you. That's when a lot of people saw their dad melt down for the first time. This fucking, I'll show you, you fucking bitch, I'll never get a late fee. You fucking bitch, and then next week you gotta send your wife out to get a new card. Yeah, send us, to rent the movies. Send us your Blockbuster horror stories, please. You fucking bitch And then next week You gotta send your wife out To Get a new card Yeah

To rent the movies Send us your blockbuster Horror stories please For me it's like having Nostalgia for GameStop Which is like you know Like terrible Yeah

Um I do have nostalgia For like Funkoland I don't know if I remember Funkoland Oh yeah I do 25 cent games

Those were great You got deals Yeah Um Eric M says How much to commission Vito's uncle To make a marble Hitomi Yeah Eric M says How much to commission Vito's uncle To make a marble

Hitomi Tanaka A lot How much exactly I've tried to convince him I'm like Why don't you just like I'm like I could find

Like rich stupid influencers Who would probably pay you A bunch of money To make these Big dumb marble busts of them Rephrase Rephrase what you just said In a positive way

I know a lot of like Super cool guys with a lot of dumb money to throw around. Try again. It's like I said, though. It is genuinely hard to get marble right now. The biggest problem is if you want a marble statue of yourself, you can't get pieces of marble the size of a man. Whatever they pull out, and again, most of what they pull out gets chopped up to make tabletops.

You can make it out of like travertine or whatever. I'm not, I just want a bronze statue. That is also art. So I don't have, so I have an excuse. If you want a bronze Hitomi Tanaka, it'll be a lot easier. I want it to be rock. Yeah, rock. I guess you, oh yeah, you can.

I don't want to accidentally get electrocuted while I'm trying to titty fuck the statue. Well, the thing about marble is that it's like a soft rock. So it's like, well, I don't know's like a soft rock, so it's like, well, I don't know if soft is the way, but it's like, like other rocks don't hold that shape.

Marble has like very unique properties. We wanted to use it for sculpture. So if you had a granite Hitomi Tanaka, it would kind of be all like rough and weird.

You can't like polish it as well. Well, she does are pretty rough and weird. I'll ask my uncle how much to make a giant anime titty statue. Life size? Of course.

Don't be absurd. Mask Bastard says that super killer art would make a great shirt design. No. Absolutely. No. Can we make it without your permission? Yes, obviously. I support fan art. Can we sell unlicensed shirts without your permission Yes Obviously I support fan art

Okay Can we sell Unlicensed shirts Without your permission I'm not gonna say no Look at the road rage Can we do I feel like

It's against the spirit of Comedy and parody I can't police it Like Big Johnson shirts Jesus fucking Christ If I go to road rage And everyone's wearing A super killer

Kneeling on ice On a shirt I will kill myself So That's something to aim for Um Oh here's Big G That stupid warehouse bit

Had me laughing harder Than I've ever laughed At this show For some reason I heard some people Find the warehouse bit Cringe dick Is that true?

Oh Carl That's what I've been told. Carl, that fuck. Carl from where are these podcasts? McHale shit, that warehouse bit was awkward as fuck, but hilarious. Well, when I re-listened to it, it's funny in the context of me. Because you keep leading me on, and I'm just like, I just agree with you.

Instead of questioning it, you're like, yeah, in America. And I'm just like, I just like agree with you instead of like questioning it. You're like, yeah, in America. And I'd go, okay. Instead of asking any questions. I was so drunk too. Yeah, that you couldn't like get me. You just kept saying in America. In America.

Yeah, right. Right here. Right here. What would have worked? I was trying to think about it. I feel like I came up with something. But you had to like. That's where I go to get good deals.

Yeah. God damn it. That would have been good. Oh, well, if I should. Yeah. Where do you go to get good deals? Yeah, just where? Just be like, ask me where I go.

I don't know. But then, yeah, it's too much leading. Can you believe that fuck Carl is putting us on the cringe of the week? Yeah. Carl. Carl. Carl from Clubfoot Carl from where are these podcasts? Who are these socials? Where he goes through his Twitter feed and goes,

I can't believe what the liberals are saying this week. Here, Carl. I got a bit. Here, I got a bit for you. See if this makes it on your cringe of the week. Are you ready, Vito? Yeah. Hi. Hi, I'm Carl. Hi, Vito. Vito.

Vito. Have you watched my new show? A grandpa ranting about social media? What are you laughing at, Vito? I'm trying to do my plug over here. I'm Carl. I'm Carl from Who Are These Podcasts. Bazinga. I'm from the 90s. I'm from the 90 are these podcasts Bazinga

I'm from the 90s I'm from the 90s Vito Tell me about your Simpsons cover band Giddy up Giddy up Jerry Friends is on at 8 Before Seinfeld

I'm Carl I have 20 podcasts I'm Carl from Where are these podcasts Wait till you hear Vito Vito have 20 podcasts. Jesus Christ. I'm Carl from Where Are These Podcasts. Wait till you hear Vito. Vito. We got Chrissy Marr on again this week. We got Chrissy Mayer on, the funniest lady on the internet,

Vito. Vito, what are you laughing at? That's cringe. Oh, no, that's... I'm so glad you've done this. I'm so glad. Did you this. I'm so glad. Did you say what? Come check out my band.

We play ween or peen or some fucking band that no one likes, so all the music sounds like shit already. Oh, this is too good. Come to our show. We're selling $400 meet Carl tickets before the show. Come to our before the comedy our show. We're selling $400 meet Carl tickets before the show. Come to our before the comedy dinner show. Comedy dinner cotillion. Come get dinner with me, Carl.

Come get dinner with me, Carl. I love this bit because it's 90s Conan. I love the 90s. Because it's 90s Conan I love the 90s Is this cringe for you Vito? It's very cringe It's definitely deserving of the cringe of the week Are you going to be at our show in Philadelphia?

On 420? Maybe, I don't know Maybe, I don't know After this bit I feel like we're disinvited to any of these podcast-related events. What did you say, Vito? Something about Stuttering John? Did Stuttering John do anything this week, Carl? Oh, I'm so glad you asked, Vito. Hold on. Let me get my soundboard.

Hold on, Vito. Hold on, Vito. Shit. I'm Pickle Ray! I'm Mr. Meesee. I'm Pickle Rick! I'm Mr. Meesee! I'm Pickle Rick! I'm Mr. Meesee! I'm Pickle Rick!

What's the matter with you? You don't like soundbots? I feel like I'm on an episode of WATV. Why don't you cringe this week, you fuck? Oh, wow. Amazing. Nailed it. Thanks, Carl. Well, Carol, thanks for calling in You're welcome Vito

Don't do any more cringer I'll be here to bust your ass It looks so horrifying With his dead stare And your teeth Do I have blood on my tooth? What's going on there? I don't know

Hold on that's weird That looks horrifying. I think you got too into the bit. You ended up bleeding yourself open. Okay. Anyway. Well, thank you for making this Cringe of the Week. Carl from Who Are These Podcasts.

Great show. Yeah, it's really good. Amazing show. Okay. And who are these socials? Which his audience hates, I've heard. You know what, Vito? You know what, Vito? You know what, Vito?

At least I put something out. When's your fucking comic book coming out? Why don't you go do the creep-off? Do like your third podcast. Yeah, maybe we will. Maybe I'll put you on the creep-off, you fucking pedophile. Oh, no. I hope I don't end up on the creep-off.

I haven't listened to the creep-off. Maybe it's great. All right. How many shows do you do? Just this one. I don't know how you have time for all these podcasts. What happened to your

Monday night grift? What the fuck is wrong with my tooth? I don't know. Doesn't it red? What the fuck? Is that too much? You got too much gum

hanging down? I don't know. Some. Man. My teeth are fucked. I mean, my teeth are definitely fucked. All right.

I can't even talk shit about Carl's other shows because I haven't listened to them. Carl's great. I will say this month. He would love that. Biggest problem is up 50 new patrons. Boom.

Who are these podcasts? It's down 30. So in terms of the who's gaining steam. Why don't you go down 30 pounds, Vito? How about that? That's a pretty good zinger. That's a pretty good zinger, Carl. Just saying,

you're losing followers. Maybe it's because you're going at top talent like biggest problem in the universe. Why don't you lose a girlfriend, Vito? Oh, you'd have to get one first.

Why is Carl... Don't use the Carl to roast me. We're roasting Carl. I'll do whatever I want, Vito. Oh, God. Okay, all right. So I'm the big winner. I was gonna make you

a Chrissy Mayer one, but I ran out of time. I love Chrissy Mayer. I wish you would just get over it. We can be friends. Chrissy Melanie Mack had to go to the hospital because she forgot how to drink water. Melanie Mack was dehydrated and had to go to the hospital because Satan is mad at what she's doing. Oh.

Satan disapproves of her fighting with me. Satan's mad that she didn't come on Biggest Problem in the Universe. Satan wins. And he punished her by stripping the fluids from her body and trying to kill her. God would have done that. Yeah. Because she let Satan propagate. So, Melanie Mack, I hope your dehydration stint,

she posted like little pictures of her in the hospital with her IV or whatever. Yeah. I hope this teaches you a lesson about arguing with God's chosen podcast, the biggest problem in the universe. Yeah, and everyone at home, if you, first thing you can do

to support the show is donate money. Yeah. But the second thing you can do is hail Satan. Hail Satan and send Melanie Mag messages saying Satan wants her

to come on the show. Don't do that. The only way to defeat the great Satan is to come on our show and argue with Vito. Okay. I like this is turning to the spite corner. It's fun.

It's because there's so much going on. There's so much going on. Are we just getting right into it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The big winner. My problem.

Dick is drum roll. Cause I'm feeling generous. The swastika scaries now i don't know if you saw over this past week the new york times had one of their famous crosswords daily crosswords where you fill in the little words and you have a bit of fun trying to figure out the clues and the world went wild as they started seeing secret messages in the New York Times crossword. Let's take a look here. Okay.

Yeah, there you go. Oops. Well, it's close enough. There. There you go. That looks much better. Now, Dick, this is, of course, a crossword puzzle. Now, to me, it just looks like a bunch of boxes and dots

and lines or whatever the hell. But Megan McCain says, if you scroll up a little bit, she says on the first night of Hanukkah, the anti, the first night of Hanukkah, the New York times get to me one swastika. The anti Israel, New York Times Issues a crossword puzzle That looks like a swastika Can't make this shit up We see you New York Times We see you

First of all Why don't you just Eat yourself to death You dumb fat bitch Fuck you You idiot Now she was not the only one Tweeting about this

But I gotta point out Everyone's going Well it was the first night Of Hanukkah Clearly Do you know how many Fucking Jewish holidays They are I don't think it's possible To put out a crossword puzzle And not You know Possibly have it land Everyone's going, well, it was the first night of Hanukkah. Clearly, do you know how many fucking Jewish holidays they are?

I don't think it's possible to put out a crossword puzzle and not, you know, possibly have it land on some Jewish holiday. Oh, yeah. Second of all, that's not a swastika because the fucking arms. They take more time off than black dads. Yeah. Oh, God. The arms don't even. Where do you see a swastika?

Like, I get it, but the arms don't line up. The arms run into walls. The arms are supposed to, like, connect together. Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah, if this was a swastika, this wouldn't be here and this wouldn't be here. That wouldn't be there. The arms would be connected. It could be like a fat.

And these would be a little thicker. Fatty swastika, but not, it doesn't really. We could make a way better swastika. You could definitely, if you wanted to make a swastika I mean But they're saying You know Whoa

It's a secret swastika Here's the thing Any Any design That is like You know A mirrored parallel Kind of thing

You're gonna end up With something that Kind of looks like A swastika At some point Right Yeah It's like

It's just Because it's symmetrical The guy The guy who made it said he was trying to make a whirlpool. I think it's a, was a whirlpool, a swastika. Why? Cause it spins like it could be anything. Yeah. The point is that we have a, we as a society need to get over the swastika. And I know that sounds crazy given the ongoing whatever, but it's just crazy how many times I see a news

article about a swastika and I go, yeah, but does it really matter? Dick, real quick, can you go just to Google and just search swastika and go to the news tab? Okay. Because here's the thing is as I was trying, I was like, well, let me get a couple swastika news stories

Should we get an over under There was two There were so many Swastika news stories That I couldn't even Like pick a School board There's six million

Results Of news stories For Swastikas People Police look for persons Who spray paint Swastikas School board needs to act After Jewish teen Targeted a Swastika Police investigate Swastikas Dra Police look for persons who spray paint swastikas. School board needs to act after Jewish teen targeted with swastika.

Police investigate swastikas drawn in high school bathrooms. New York Times, of course, was talking about that thing. I saw they're about to rename. They're all different. Yeah, they're all different stories. There's one they're going to rename Mount Swastika. We're not going to have a Mount Swastika anymore. And does the mountain even look like a swastika?

No. So what does it even matter? There are so many swastika stories. And does the mountain even look like a Swastika? No. So what does it even matter? There are so many Swastika stories out there, Dick, that I think people just need to get over it. Like, you see a Swastika scrawled on a bathroom wall. You know what? Do you really need to report it? High five it.

Yeah. What do you want to do? Kanye West suspended for Twitter after Swastika treat. There you go. Oh, yeah. Oregon's Mount Swastika will likely be renamed Mount Halo. Okay, that's...

That could have gone worse. They could have named it like Mount Guy is a Lady now. Yeah, well, I guess they could have done that. We just scrolled past Mount Chop off your tits. We just scrolled past like 20 stories and we're not even into August. Dude, these are hilarious. Yes!

I did not realize how often there are snooze reports on anything to do with a potential swastika joyce mclean first heard of swastika mountain after reading about two hikers who were recovered from its peak in january the 81 year old couldn't believe that a mountain could still bear that name in 2022. So she decided to do something about it. Some 80-year-old busybody is out there renaming our famous swastika mountains because she's offended about something a bunch of Germans did a long time ago that has no bearing on us whatsoever. You know what I hate about the swastika, too?

What? Is that you have to hear somebody go like, actually, it's an ancient Hindu. Well, Dick, actually, in Hinduism, the right-facing symbol symbolizes the sun, prosperity, and good luck, while the left-facing symbol is called the swastika, S-A-U, symbolizing night or tantric aspects of Kali.

Because it is true, Dick, that the swastika has been known to so many cultures across time. It's just such a simple symbol. It shows up naturally almost. You'll just be like doodling around. I can't even draw because I'm so anti-racist. In a way, I'm mad that the Nazis chose the swastika because it is such a great little symbol

that could have so many other uses. They should have chose starting your sentences with so. Yes. That's what the Nazis, Hitler told everybody, look, guys, we got to start our sentences with so

because it means we hate the Jews so much. And then everybody couldn't do it now. Yeah. But instead, he picked this really cool symbol that has so many important things. In Jain symbolism, it represents Supar Sivana, the 7th of 24 Tirthikanas. While in Buddhist symbolism, it represents the auspicious footprints of the Buddha.

In several major Indo-European religions, the swastika symbolizes lightning bolts, representing the thunder god and the king of the gods, including Zeus in the ancient Greek religion, Zupeter in the ancient Roman religion, Wait, Zupeter? Zupeter! And Thor! How come in the Thor movies he doesn't have a big swastika on his chest?

He should. He should. That would be a funny movie. That would be better. If you had to keep Explaining it to people And they're like What's that about? It's all women

Would still want to fuck them It's lightning Yeah no that's true Chris Hemsworth Would make it cool Not to mention A widely used Native American symbol

So you're also Coming down On our Native brothers Oh yeah And they're the most Victimized of all They're a bunch of

Rapists and like Sac, sacrificers, though. Yeah, they, like, tortured kids in those Aztec temples. Yes. Yeah, back in the day, it was recent. The myth of the noble savage voted up, perhaps, Dick. Well, though, can you imagine, like, Hitler when he thought of using the swastika?

He's like, man, I need something fucking awesome to do, to do our thing around, to make our thing around i wonder how that came about everybody's always they already did all the flags stars and stripes looks like crap i can't do a thing like that like boom what about the fucking swastika what about this awesome symmetrical whatever the hell everyone's gonna love this i mean i saw a guy who was posting a picture of his towel floor and when the light hits it right, the grout forms a swastika and he goes, well, what am I supposed to do? This thing

is just everywhere. Anywhere there's an intersection of four shapes, four squares, you end up creating swastikas. Yeah. Inadvertently. And shouldn't we? And that's the craziest thing is like the number of people who should know like, well,

clearly from a design Standpoint if you're trying to design A symmetrical You know type thing you might End up with something that yeah if you connect The lines in a certain way it's a swastika But if you look at the crossword puzzle you go I think a guy just made a symmetrical

Puzzle yeah if you're doing crossword Puzzles There's a there's way better ways to be anti-semitic like how many blanks died in the holocaust and it's like what this is odd like five there's not enough room only like 180 000 fits that's weird you have four spaces it's either four or five i'm not sure exactly how many uh Yeah that's the thing Is like also just people who go Well obviously they did this on purpose And I'm like no

Don't you understand how easy it is To just like Accidentally create a shape Not even accidentally Yeah I can see it could be a swastika But we didn't connect it together People are going to understand that What do you think that they think happens

When white supremacists see a swastika? Like it's like Popeye's spinach. Oh, yeah. It's the only thing. They always. Oh, I'm getting a fucking supercharge of white supremacy. Every time a swastika shows up. I don't know what they think.

I mean, because again, there's all these news reports. Does Meghan McCain think she has to lose weight if enough Nazis see a swastika? Because what else could she possibly care about? I just remember back in the day, even when I was in high school, I was like, man, I could just draw a swastika on the bathroom stall, and it might be a big thing for people, you know? Like, the school might go, whoever drew that swastika, blah, blah, blah, and they'd investigate it, and I'm like, and it's meaningless.

It's nothing. But it'll ruin your whole fucking life. Yeah, blah. And they'd investigate it. And I'm like, and it's like meaningless. It's nothing. But it'll ruin your whole fucking life. Yeah, it could ruin your whole fucking life. You could rape a girl at your school and it would have less consequences than if you drew a swastika with like an ink marker in the bathroom. Well, I was going, yeah, I was going through the news articles and it's like, we have found the student that drew a swastika on the lunch table. We killed him.

And yeah, we are going to murder him in the town square because this will not be tolerated. Of course not. I think it's got to be one of those things where you go, guys, I think that, you know, we could tone it down a little bit. I don't think we got to be that angry about it. We got to go, ah. Yeah. It's also just cool to draw.

It's a cool little thing. I see you drawing them right now While you're talking I want to Like I think about swastikas all the time Because they're cool If it wasn't so cool I wouldn't want to draw it

But she's like Oh the lines Or uh Did you ever watch You don't watch Curb Your Intoxicating You don't ever watch Curb Your Enthusiasm But there's a great one

Where he meets this little kid Who like Oh I've seen that one Yeah where he goes I've seen all the anti-semitic episodes of every show The kid's like Get over it Get a life juice

Get a life juice It's called a swastika I like the way it goes Like ah And then ah And then ah And then he makes Larry a swastika pillow Cause he just thinks

Swastika is that cool And I go well yeah It's a great little design Like if you draw a stick man That's running really fast Exactly And you're like Alright here he goes

Here he goes He's going Oh no Oh no Burn it Burn it Did you see Binance accidentally made

Their emoji a swastika Really Yeah look that one up Real quick Alright They're like We've designed a new Emoji

For those of you Who are into crypto And you know When you're talking about crypto you can post our emoji I will say this one I was a little bit like alright guys I think you're getting a little too close they don't link to the goddamn

there it is let's see if we can zoom in on it at all don't you think the ADL should have like a 1-800 number or 900 number that you could call at any moment to see if something is a swastika? I was like, guys, this is a little bad. How'd you not fucking know this?

Yeah, I don't know how this one slipped past. It's like a Pokemon ball in a yellow square and it has wires like electrodes coming out in the obvious fucking swastika. So that cost a million bucks Yeah I'm sure they paid a lot Well that's the thing it got approved as an official emoji Like they had to get it through an approval process Well then the worst part of this is You can't just like

Rejigger it a little bit Cause like well okay we're cutting the bottom one off Like yeah well I still think it's a swastika And you also lose the symmetry Which is what's so important about it. I think we gotta do something to reform the swastika to get people to be...

What? I don't know. Just recontextualize it. Be like, not all swastikas are Nazi swastikas. Some of them are fun swastikas. Well, yay is gonna... Yay, the only one,

the only person who can fix the swastika shit is yay. Because black people can do whatever they want. Within reason. They can say the N-ika shit is yay because black people could do whatever they want within they could say the n-word no one else can and there's that's inexplicable yeah so if yay yay is really gonna test like okay black people we can do and say whatever we want we're gonna do swastikas are cool well i realize somebody right now is frantically preparing a veto versus veto

segment because i believe last episode I said that Kanye Should not make swastika armbands And that it can't be reformed What else is he going to do? You know he's going to do it Well now I'm kind of coming around and I go Somebody's got to fix the swastika It has to happen

Somebody's got to reclaim this thing Because it's going to keep showing up It's kind of like a natural formation If you're like a graphic designer I've done this, I'll be like playing around I'll be like, ooh this looks cool, this looks fuck I made a swastika again gonna keep showing up it's kind of like a natural formation if you're like a graphic designer i've done this i'll be like playing around i'll be like oh this looks cool this is like i made a swastika again yeah all right he's got it we got to get over it and also inadvertent swastikas which clearly were not meant to be swastikas just let it go be like yeah you made a cool thing don't

even mention that it looks like a swastika go great great great uh word puzzle you got here great uh great crossword puzzle. This looks great. Don't make the guy feel bad. I feel bad for the guy who made that crossword puzzle. He spent a lot of time on it. Is he Jewish? I don't know. You got to know these things.

I looked it up. I don't think he's Jewish. That's too bad. Yeah, if he was Jewish, he would have said. That would be great. He would have said by now. But I bet he was all excited. He's like, oh my God, I got my crossword published In the New York Times

I made it a fun little whirlpool shape And now everybody's coming out and they're going oh you hate Jews And I'm like oh that's not fair Do you think that they all like obviously Meghan McCain Well I don't know She's dumb and fat and a woman I think she's dumb enough to believe it I think you're right

I used to think they were all faking But maybe they are just Everybody really thinks the world It's the old thing about conspiracy theorists They think the world is much more interesting Than it actually is They think there's devious secret plans That the New York Times where they go

Hey what if our next crossword puzzle It's going to be on the first night of Hanukkah Oh What if we made it a what if we made it up what if we made it up fucking swastika ah it's like no like some dude who is boring and creates crossword puzzles was like yeah look all the words fit together and did not think about the design at all I would think Nazis wouldn't want to be reminded of the swastika yeah such a such a big loss symbol like yeah no no no i don't don't don't

tell me about that season of being a nazi we're on to new stuff we're like right you know yeah maybe that's what we need to do maybe we got to get the nazis to go listen we disavow the swastika we don't want it anymore we got a new one yeah it's uh all different looking it's sharper yeah it's more hateful uh either way the swastika scaries. Come on, guys. Swastika scaries. Calm down. Oh, and it's SS. Your problem.

Did you mean to do that? Well, no. Let's say the world is much more interesting than you think it is. Everybody's planning to do it. So did you mean every SS? No. Exactly. Everything is a coincidence. It just happens.

Okay. Okay. Just saying. It's hard to get an SS license plate. What do you mean? You know how you can get, like, personalized license plates? Yeah. If you ever put, like, two asses together, it, like, flags it in the system.

Oh, really? As, like, this guy might be a Nazi. I tried to get no fat chicks. That's not going to fit. Yes, it did. It was N-O-F-T-C-H-X And they flagged that So then I put it backwards

X-H-C-T-F-O-N And they were like what does this mean I said well it means like exchange the phone I'm like a cellular phone salesman So it got through to the very end And then someone caught it at the end That it's no fat chicks backwards I love when they make you explain it. Yeah.

What does that mean? You can't go. You're not allowed to say like, I'm not telling you. It's my name. It's my name. Thomas, no fat chicks. I saw one that got through and I was like, how did that get through? And it was just R.A.P. Little boys.

The letter three or the number three VAM It was one of those White vans Like one of those Unmarked white vans Rape van? Yes that literally had

Wow Rape van And I was like How the fuck did that I have a picture of it somewhere I bet you do And I was like How the fuck did that

Get past the T.F.V. Is it on your Vision board? And then I invented This story in my head Where he's like I'm rapping Evan I'm rapping Evan.

I'm Evan who loves to rap. And this is my cool rap van where I do raps for the kids. They go, rapping Evan, we need to talk to you about your license plate. What? Rap Evan. I love rapping. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah.

What if he really was rap Evan? It might be rap Evan. Yeah. Did you see that guy that sued over not being able to put queer in his license plate? That seems discriminatory. Yeah. Why not? It is discriminatory.

He won. But I can't win. Okay. Is that your problem? That's my problem. Sounds like hate hoax, honestly. My problem that I brought in a while ago seems like it's basically the same. It's not even a hoax. There's not even a hoax.

It's literally a swastika was inadvertently created. Okay. You're talking about inventing hatred scenarios. It feels like you're splitting swastikas here. Or like a mountain being named Mount Swastika. That's not a hate hoax. It's just people mad at swastikas. Okay, okay.

You're right. Thank you. Okay, here's my problem. The omnibus spending bill. Talk about scary. I like omnis, omnibuses. 1.7 trillion. Not enough.

Shit. Okay. How much goes to Ukraine? Like 50 billion. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.

How much would be enough? Well, let's see. It's a forever war. We're going to keep it going for at least 30, 40 years. Can we just write him a check for like $10 trillion and tell him to fuck off? No, we got to give him a picture. Here you go, Wolverine. We got to give him a picture and missile batteries.

Go fucking kill yourself. Here's a check for $50 trillion and every man in America is going to fuck your wife on TV. Here you go. It's not a yes or a no. It's just a Here you go. It's not a yes or a no. It's just a here you go. We got to get you a Zelensky cutout for the next one. Oh. I don't even want to do it.

Like, it makes me so sad to see, to be reminded every year, and I am, but that the omnibus bills exist and that it's really the only thing that matters. Like, nothing else, really. About politics? Yeah. It all comes down to just... People getting... Kids getting raped.

Nothing matters in comparison to, like, this gigantic tower of debt that they build and compound every year and then push the debt payments off. Like, that's math, man. It is terrifying. That's math raping all of us. I don't understand how they justify it in any way. Like are all these people just like not my problem? They're loving it.

They're just squeezing their shit in. They feel like it's a, as I read the things that they get in and I brought a bunch in. I don't know if it's's gonna be funny or not But as they as I as they squeeze it in I get the feeling that they think this is their function in Government and it might trick as much money out of the budget as they can yeah Like they're like oh, this is everything that they say is like you know We've been working for a while to squeeze this in and we finally got to squeeze it in like what are you? What are you talking about? Like do it do enough do people people not understand what's going on?

Because I would say like 90% of people don't even understand like what a 401k is or like what compound interest is. So maybe just nobody understands what's going on and they hear it and think like, well, we need all that. Well, it sounds like we just create this mythical amount of debt that is impossible to pay off. Yes. And hope that we remain the dominant military superpower

so no one can force us to pay it off. Well, what do you, no, us is, us is the, the military forces us to pay it off, you and me. What do you, see, this is what I mean. But we're not paying it off. There's no, the people that are going to be, that are looking down the gun are you and me what do you see this is what i mean there's no the people that are gonna be they're looking down the gun are you and me who need to pay money until we just have none and they're gonna say well go to prison somebody's still got money iso cubes creep there you go

hoarding is illegal fucking having gold is illegal whatever you're doing is illegal are you doing a podcast no no no You should be working That's illegal Alright, alright 200 million dollars For the gender equity And equality action fund What do you think about that? 7 million for studying

The domestic radical Maybe it's good What could be that good? What could be too Have you ever heard of something That is worth 200 million dollars In your life? Well, equity, though.

I want equity. For the genders. That is a lot of money. $700 million for what? Gender equity. No, that was $200 million, I thought. Oh, yeah. $7 million for studying the domestic radicalization phenomenon.

So just giving $8 million to some pencil dick to say like, well, Nick Fuentes is causing it. Yeah, we really got to go one of these government jobs. Nick Fuentes and fat women. That's exactly what I thought when I was going through it. I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me.

There's got to be a 5 million in fake money for me and Vico to study this shit. Oh, dude, you know, Biden's non-gender binary nuclear secretary or whatever the one. Yeah. The bald one who keeps stealing purses. Stealing purses.

All he had to do was not steal purses. Yeah, why is he stealing luggage? He could have been sponsored. I looked up this. He could have raped kids. He could have done anything, but he went with stealing purses. From the worst place to steal purses, the airport. Fucking airport. Where you're completely tracked

Every minute of every Where women will notice Because they're sitting there Waiting for their fucking purse That individual Because they are non-binary And I will respect their They them pronouns

That F slur Was making $180,000 a year And stealing luggage From the airport What is wrong with you? No that was what he was making working for the government. They were making. That was what they were making working for the government.

Right. The speeches and shit, getting fucking greased up by GE. Yeah. Right? To do a TEDx talk. They do all those. With Lex Friedman. Well, those two could buttfuck each other and talk about how great nuclear power is.

180K for just like, I don't even know, making sure that we don't throw our nuclear waste in a hole. I liked that guy. I thought he would help the nuclear program. Until you found out that they are women purse stealers

for some reason. I even like that too. I like hurting women. But I'm like bro Come on You could have sent You could have sent One of your gay man's Choir associates

In there to do it It happened more than once That's the funniest thing Did you hear it happen like Multiple times Yes You can go to any store On Rodeo Drive

Paint your face black Steal whatever you want It's like 10 minutes from LAX, bro. They wave to you, they post it on WorldStarHipHop, you can do whatever the fuck you want. You can just go to an Apple store and just take iPhones. Take whatever you want. 65 million bucks is allotted for the Pacific Coastal Salmon recovery.

How about that? Couldn't do without that. Wait, how much money? 65 million, bro. Well, we don't want our salmon reserves to run out. So do you think the coast could, like, fishermen could pay for that? Like, anybody else could pay? I got to pay for that?

Yeah, I don't understand. Not our kids, but other people's kids? I'm just trying to break down the numbers because I'm like, I always think of it in terms of salaries and I'm like okay like a like a what's an average salary for like a salmon researcher fish guy yeah like 80,000 here's one this is a good one um authorize oh yeah authorize the transfer of proceeds of forfeited property to help Ukraine. Oh, no! No! Civil forfeiture? They're taking your stuff.

They take your stuff and they immediately send it to Ukraine? Sending it to Ukraine. I was cruising around town with like 20 grand. You guys took it. Can I have it back? No, we sent that to Ukraine. Couldn't just send it to that guy over there who hates me? Are they going to send all the guns they keep confiscating from people? That's probably how Ukraine's getting all their guns. They're just sitting in evidence lockers and they're like, yeah.

This extends to property that was possessed by or was controlled by a person subject to sanctions and designated by the Treasury, the Secretary, the Treasury. So all the SBF, I assume this is just a way to take that SBF money and keep it. And give it to Ukraine. Are they talking about all the Russians that they have sanctions on? Well, you can sanction pretty much. As long as it was subject to sanctions by the Secretary of the Treasury or the Secretary of State. That could be Korea, but it also could be the Treasury.

Pretty much anyone. Either way, they're stealing your stuff and they're sending it. And how much money do they need just to send stuff away that they already have? How much you got? They're just a guy who's in charge of sending those stuff? I don't understand. The omnibus bill should underscore how the Constitution is totally worthless and defunct and bogus and that nothing else matters

But you fucking money. Where is my fucking money? It's right here every year. This is when Trump Trump Trump Majorly fucked up by passing these fucking the first one he did. I was like, oh, that's it That's it. What did Trump do that was so great? Just call women fat That's it. What did Trump do that was so great? Just call women fat. See, that's the thing.

All you Trump guys are like, Trump was going to drain the swamp and clean all the corruption. Yeah, but he could have done a couple things. He did everything that they do anyway. He didn't rock any boats. No, he did good in trade. He did good in trade with China. He did. Because he shut down the what?

What was that? He shut down all the bogus trade shit, but he didn't do things that would have made him a great president. Yeah. Yeah. Like not signing this Omnibus shit, letting Snowden out right away. Shouldn't let Snowden out.

And shooting a con. Shooting Nancy Pelosi in Minecraft. Disavow. Three million. Minecraft. Three million. Oh, you're probably just about there. Three million dollars for bee-friendly highways. Disavow 3 million In Minecraft 3 million Oh you probably Disavowed 3 million dollars

For bee friendly highways 400 million For border security For Jordan Lebanon Egypt Tunisia And Oman

But that's not in America Yeah bro Isn't that weird That's a lot of our money Going to Yeah I kind of wish They would stop spending money on like Just stupid bullshit

Because they're just That's all just them giving it to themselves Yeah, pretty much Because those guys just turn around and Give them kickbacks and whatever else Give them jobs when they get out of office Woke earmarks You want to hear about the woke?

How it's woke? Yeah 1.2 million for Ligabida QIA Pride Centers. Where are the centers going to be? In schools? It'll be right up your ass. That's fine. It's only a million.

I'm over that. Well, you got to give the gays something, Dick. If everybody else is getting something. Give them handbags. No one is getting anythingbags No one is getting anything That's why I was stealing all the luggage Look around, does it look like you got Two trillion dollars spent on you this year?

No I don't know anything new that's good Is there anything for like affordable housing? That would be good No, they're shutting that down They're shutting that down There's a lot Every city pretty much gets One to five million for a legibitus center No They're shutting that down They're shutting that down Homeless There's a lot They're gonna clean up the homeless

Every city pretty much gets One to five million For a Ligibida Center One million per city? Pretty much I would say Two million for the Great Blacks in Wax Museum

In Baltimore You're telling me You couldn't kickstart A Great Blacks in Wax Kickstarter For two million bucks We talked about That the government Needs to stop funding the arts.

Stop it. Yeah. That art should not be funded by anything but the free market. It does not need these handouts. I had a stat that they started the omnibus legislation started in 1850. They bundled five bills. And now it's turned into what? Like 5,000 bills? Infinity. Now it's just the only way that we do five bills. And now it's turned into what? Like 5,000 bills?

Infinity. Now it's just the only way that we do any bills. Wait, something for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, though. Top of that page. A million bucks for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Only a million dollars for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? And you give two million for wax black people? Come on.

That seems disproportionate spending. I love black people as much as the next guy, but if they're not rock and roll musicians. Do you love black people twice as much as you love rock and roll? The rock and roll museum is a. Oh, two million bucks for an MLK labor in Washington. I don't even know what that means. MLK labor.

Is that just like a day of talking about him? What a fucking. What that just like a day of talking about him? What a fucking... What a... What a... I will say... We gotta get in on this scam. I have been on the highways and thought, I don't feel these are friendly to bees.

So I approve of that one. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You ever going down the highway and you're like, how are bees gonna get... How are bees even navigating this? It's preposterous. Clearly there needs more bee lanes.

I want to go down the highway and just have bees and tubes, you know, flying. Yeah, like a habit trail. Or like a shark aquarium tank. Ooh. That's what I want. Now it is... Okay, your turn. I was just

going to say it is sad. Because you go like, I don't get it If we have 1.7 trillion dollars Why are there any Homeless people at all? Like that seems like A problem you Could immediately solve

Instead of making A black wife With 2 million dollars How many homeless people Could you get off the streets? All of them Wouldn't that be better For the black community

Than a bunch of wax figures In a museum somewhere? How come black people Aren't more upset that all their money's going to Ukraine? That's what gays taught me. We have to militarize and mobilize the black voice to just do what I want them to do. Pretty much. No one cares if I don't like that the money's going to Ukraine, but what if that money could have gone to reparations? Hey, black guys, there's the money's going to Ukraine, but what if that money could have gone to reparations? Hey, black guys,

there's your money's going right over there. Black people should be paying more attention to omnibus spending bills, I'm going to say. It'll never stop. It's never going to stop. The government is a... A criminal syndicate. It's tragic. They're completely divorced from what people actually need.

We definitely are not at a dearth of LGBT support centers. I mean, what do you need? More hugs? Five bucks, I'll give a gay kid a hug. There. I'll call you queer to your face for free. Give me the million dollars.

If you give me the million dollars, I'll make all those gay people way happier than whatever the fuck you're going to do. Paint like a rainbow mural. Make the sidewalk way happier Than whatever the fuck you're gonna do Paint like a rainbow mural Make the sidewalk a rainbow or whatever the fuck That's all they do with that shit Dick my problem Has to do With fandom

The world of fans Comic book fans Movie fans And let me just read a couple of these tweets from dj on twitter at mission rocker says if james gunn remains in charge of dc studios then i'm done with warner brothers for good you either respect the fans or you won't have any yeah rafael marquez says you guys have no respect for DC fans. What's the point of watching these movies if it's going to be a reboot?

At least Marvel Studios respects the fans. What's the point of watching these movies if there's just going to be a reboot and I have to rewatch it again? Marcus says, you antagonize the fandom. You remove our favorite actors. Then you sit on your high horse and point your finger at us. We are the fans. Oh, wow. And

what it really comes down to is this idea that you should respect the fans. To which I say, fuck the fans. Fuck the fans. The fans are idiots. They don't know what they want. They have no idea how to make a movie or a comic book or anything. Okay. And they seem to think the fact that they have consumed media it puts them in some sort

of weird ownership position over that media yeah like well i've been watching batman my whole life clearly i should have a say in who gets to play batman or what they do with batman yeah which no you don't because you wouldn't even know what to do with that All you want is what you've seen before And you have no idea how to actually Make anything new Or respect what's going on This is obviously all related to the fact that

James Gunn Has taken over Weren't you pissed at all the people for Lord of the Rings though? And you're like fear of the black elf And that turned out to be shit too No but that's the thing is they go You gotta respect the fans or whatever the fuck. And they don't even know.

Yeah, they were right. They were right by happenstance just because. Okay. Okay, well, I'm going to give you examples and you're going to see. Okay. But let me put it in perspective. Okay. So right now James Gunn is taking over the Warner Brothers DC Universe.

He got rid of Henry Cavill as Superman. Probably getting rid of all the other legacy actors. He's going to reboot the thing from the beginning. Okay, it kind of sucks. That guy's cool. He does computers. He hates women. James Gunn does computers? No, Henry Cavill. Henry Cavill. Well, Henry Cavill's making a Warhammer cinematic universe.

That's cool. He's going to have fun. Also, apparently he's like a huge weird neo-Nazi now. So that's kind of funny. Not like neo-Nazi, but like apparently he hates like a huge weird uh neo-nazi now so that's kind of funny not like neo-nazi but like apparently he hates women you'd love him uh anyway what do you mean he's a neo-nazi there's like this thing that came out you know how he's on that show the witcher yeah and uh he like left the witcher and then all these like writers are like listen all he would do is play video games and read like like, QAnon blogs.

That's cool. And then, like, come out and be like, my character wouldn't do that because he fucking hates women. Yeah, that's cool. Fuck you. Fuck you. I don't actually know what's going on. Fuck you, showrunners. Maybe you don't know shit.

Maybe you just don't know shit. Just a bunch of broads that got hired, like Rick and Morty style. Yeah, well, basically. Right now, the hashtag fire James Gunn is trending because all these people are going, James Gunn is going to ruin this universe because he doesn't respect the fans.

As Axel Braun on Twitter says it, he says, rule one of number, rule number one of any comic book adaptation, give the fans what they want. Again, no. Yes, of course. What do you mean no?

The fans don't know what they want They're idiots And half the stuff they want Would not be palatable to a mass audience What the fuck does that mean? Half the stuff that they want is not palatable Okay, so like

Did you like all the Marvel Thanos stuff? I liked I liked when he showed up the first time And he was hinting at courting death I was like, that's awesome See, this is the problem. But then they made it that dumb Bernie Sanders

shit and I was like, this is dumb. Fuck you. So for those of you who don't know, Thanos' original thing was that he was in love with the physical embodiment of death. Concept of death. Yeah. Who is represented by a beautiful woman. Yes. And thankfully...

I get that, man. And he wants to fuck death Thankfully the Russo brothers said Well that's retarded No it's not retarded And the fans who want that are idiots Why don't we come up with an actual motivation for him That is interesting And kind of makes sense

No it doesn't make any sense Why is it retarded? You don't think That the average movie goer Could understand wanting to fuck a chick that's out of your league? Not the actual embodiment of death. Why not? Everything in that stupid... They have Thor as a god, his sister as death. You don't think they could explain...

I could fucking explain that to people. I obviously... It was good enough so that everybody remembered it, right? How the fuck did they explain Deadpool then? Anyway, they changed it so that Thanos wanted half the universe

to die so there were more resources which is just more easy for an audience to understand. That's not art, man. That's bizarre. Look, I'm not saying that your thing couldn't have worked in like a different world or whatever,

but they're clearly trying to do something different. And it was mega popular and people admit that they love Adventures, Endgame, and whatever else. It clearly worked out. No, you didn't. I hated it. I fucking hate Marvel movies.

Why is he not trying to fuck death? Where's death? Yes. That was... It was such a betrayal. No, it wasn't. It was such a betrayal for comic fans. What the fuck are you even talking about? Good, good.

You make, how much money did you make off like cinematic failures? Oh, Star Wars is so fucking bad. They did a fucking hand dial maneuver and shot a laser beam through space and hyperspace. Okay, but that was when it legitimately broke the canon this did not this is a new canon that they made for thanos it didn't break what was previously established in the marvel universe to have thanos want to kill half all the people how did it not break canon hold on let me think about that so stupid if he just was trying to fuck dev he would have been so good dude it would have been all fucking creepy and weird and people have

been like wow that is majorly fucked up like people would have been terrified of thanos instead of just a football game yeah well i disagree uh i think that it is Okay for these movies to Did it break continuity when Kids were in high school and then they Disappear for five years and they come back And now they have to fuck their boyfriends Who are now 20 23 and they're 18

They're 17 or whatever Did that break continuity That's a good point actually It's like after you snap Is it against the law It's now that's a good point actually it's like after you snap is it is it yeah is it against the law second whom's dick if a 16 year old has a sex with their 23 year old or a 21 you know 21 year old a snapped boyfriend anyway point is the fans have bad taste all these old comic books are terrible and it's good when we throw them out and we reinvent them for a new generation. We don't have to throw everything out.

Obviously, there's things that worked, but it's fine to reinterpret them to make them exciting. And the idea that we are beholden to what the fans want is moronic. A good example of this. Now, a lot of people have been coming at James Gunn Because they're like well he only makes movies that are goofy And funny And he's going to be terrible at making serious DC Comics movies Now I have a quote

Tell me if you can figure out Who this is about No one's excited about it Michael Keaton Give me a break, said Christina Reynolds, a Miami dead college student. Miami what? Miami

dead? Miami dead? Like the political hotbed area? Okay, anyway. Who has been a Batman fan for 10 or 20 years. It's like Rodney Dangerfield in a bat suit, said DC Comics writer Ralph Cabrera. You'll laugh at it.

These fans do not like the idea of Keaton, star of Mr. Mom and Beetlejuice, as square-jawed Bruce Wayne. Not to mention the director Tim Burton of Beetlejuice and Pee-wee's Big Adventure. 50,000 letters of protest arrived at Warner Brothers. One of the most powerful men in Hollywood went as far as to call Warner chairman Steve Ross and tell him casting Michael Keaton was such a horrible idea it would bring Warner to its knees. Yeah. This, of course, was the fan backlash to Michael Keaton as Batman.

Here was one of the original petitions that they put out there saying, you need to respect the fans. Michael Keaton is a here was one of the original petitions that they put out there saying you need to respect the fans. Michael Keaton is a comedic actor. Tim Burton is a comedic director, and they will not treat our beloved Batman with what he deserves. Let me see. Sucked, though. Keaton Batman. Michael Keaton Batman does not suck. It would have been better with like

Sylvester Stallone or somebody badass. Michael Keaton did great. It was great. It's a classic. It's one of the best. It's one of the top grossing films of its time. So that makes it good? It's an iconic portrayal. You are Mr. Criticize movies.

Yeah. From a fan perspective perspective what the fuck are you even talking i will disagree that they i will agree that they should not have had joker kill batman's parents that's the one thing i'll come down on tim burton about okay yeah but the rest of that batman movie was great and it's been the same fucking predictable fan outrages the fans constantly think they know better than everybody in Hollywood. No, if I could make the movie, I'd do the classic 1970s storyline where Spider-Man gets a rock stuff

up his asshole and he has to have his girlfriend lick his asshole to get the rock. And it's not palatable. What the fuck? I don't know. Whatever. Just all this old shit. It sucks. Alright? And we're taking... Licking the asshole? We're taking old storylines that were terrible. We're fixing them.

What do you mean fixing? All this stuff is trash. All of it. All of this Marvel shit, it's all trash. People will see it no matter what. None of it is good. Then if it's all trash, why does respecting the fans matter then? It's going to be trash anyway.

Because they can make something good. You're taking trash and turning it into different trash. No, you could make something actually good. All that matters is the fans. All that matters is pleasing every single one. Well, that's the other thing that doesn't make sense. Even the weird ones. There's all sorts of fans and they all want something different.

And you're saying you've got to respect all of them. Well, some of them might want. You just don't know how to communicate it. They all want something that was true to the thing. They don't know what they want. They have no idea. All they know what to do is complain. That's all they know.

All they know is if you go, dick. The point is that the fans have no idea what they want. They all want something different. So really what it comes down to, all the fans want is nothing. They the, you know, if you go, this guy's going to direct it, they go, that guy sucks. That guy sucks. I hate this actor. I hate that. You're not respecting the fans. Like there's too many of you. We can't respect all of you. And most of you are not worth respecting to begin with. So we're just going to hire talented guys Like James Gunn who have created movies That have grossed great amounts

Of the box office and featured incredible Critical acclaim all those Guardians of the Galaxy Movies have great audience scores And critic scores alike Like what do you not trust about that process What is disrespectful about that To you cause it's all just like a bunch of Crony horse shit like crony

Like the people in charge of Disney. They don't know what they're doing. They got hired because they're women for quota diversity shit. And then the economy's going amazing. And so they think all their decisions are right. And then like they're producing like just a bunch of middling crap.

Like none of it's actually good art. They just have a stranglehold on. It's like saying Ticketmaster is great At like advertising shows and venues Okay but the fans love some of that middling bullshit art Because I hear from the fans They're like Black Adam was so good We need more Black Adam

I'm like yeah but you didn't go see it It didn't make enough money If the fans really love Black Adam so much You need to go see that movie 5-10 times Do you feel anything about it? Does it make you feel anything? All this crap that you're being flooded with all day? I guess so.

It's all their heart is to feel something. Nobody is feeling anything. It's just like, yeah, next, next, next. It's like beating off. And then they come like, okay, next, next, next, next. It's all trash. It is. So respecting the fans doesn't matter.

And we should stop pretending that it does. The only thing you need to do to respect the fans is be like, look, we're not going to, I get it. Like if you take a character and you completely change it, fine. But James Gunn's not doing that. All he said is, I'm going to have a different Superman. I would rather hear 10 fans, like 10 of the dumbest fans

say what they think the Avengers movie should be. Just like listen to them. That would be pretty fun. It would be better than going to this movie where it's like I'm a CG dickhole And I need resources To acquire my cock Machine I want I go

And then it's like I'm a fucking Iron Man in space can't even believe that I'm in Space I'm Pickle Rick I want to I want to go to these guys are so mad about Being disrespected as fans ago Okay so what should happen? And then half of them are going to be like, well, you have to rehire Zack Snyder and have him finish those movies no one went to go see. And you're like, well, they're not going to do that because they didn't make money.

What do you want? AI will prove you wrong because one fan is going to be able to artistically make a perfect movie and all of Disney's millions and billions of dollars are going to go like, well, everybody just wanted to see this fucking Reggie the Retard's fucking homemade AI script where all the fingers look like spaghetti.

I do want that. Point is the fans are idiots. Do not respect the fans. They don't know what they want. They don't know how to make movies They don't know how to write anything How are you a critic with this attitude? It makes no sense I'm not a fan

I'm a critic So when I say it has weight I don't go into it like You gotta respect my opinion about this bullshit Or whatever the fuck I'm like You got a good take or not? It depends on what it means

Look if you take if you took like a character I like Like a Mega Man you said we're gonna make him like a Like a lady with like a big stick Up his ass I'd go okay well I don't like that That doesn't make any sense yeah but that's fan That's just what you're talking about Yeah but they're not doing that what have they done That is so disrespectful

Other than hiring Henry Cavill And hiring James Gunn dude the lady death Not having death as what Thanos is trying to fuck so disrespectful other than hiring firing Henry Cavill and hiring James Gunn dude the lady death not having death as what Thanos is trying to fuck it's so disrespectful to all 12 of you

who care about that it totally ruined it totally fucking ruined it totally ruined my life it ruined my life alright well they went a different way with it

I don't even think it's disrespectful I don't think that has anything to do with respect it's just they said you know what I don't think that's going to work that well

are you like Rodney Dangerfield for what we're trying to do it's just's just they said you know what I don't think that's gonna work that well Are you like Rodney Dangerfielding this time It's just crap it's fucking crap You have all the power in the whole universe And what you want to do with it is like Make half the people Resources like why don't you just make more Resources then just double all the resources

Well he's not that smart Well then this is dumb then I got all the power in the universe What are you trying to do I I'm trying to fuck the, like, the thing. The thing that kills, has killed men since the beginning of time. I'm gonna manifest her and fuck her. Like, oh, shit. That's a hell of a goal, dude.

I'm in. I don't like what you're doing, but I love why you're doing it. That's the nexus of a bad guy. Do you not understand that as a critic? Thanos is taking his pants down. Captain America's like, if we let that penis get into Death's vagina, it's over for all of us. It's just so much better than something I don't care about. Oh, you're doing bad stuff for something I don't want.

Don't care. Oh, you're doing bad stuff for something that don't want. Don't care. Oh, you're doing bad stuff for something that I would love. Yes, I'm in. I'm sorry they didn't respect your fandom, Dick. You'll be okay. I will not be okay. Okay, here's my problem. Yeah.

Going to the dentist. Yeah. It's impossible. It's impossible to go to the dentist? Yeah, how come there's like I go on Instagram There's like Get a loot box A hatchet

Get two hatchets every month Yeah Delivered to you Click this button But I'm like Well, my teeth are falling out And they hurt And I talk about it all the time

How does I never get a never How is it never like There's no like crowdfunded thing for that Yeah I just want I don't know how it works. What do you have to... You find a dentist.

Call the dentist. Do you have dentist health insurance? Probably I have it. I have no idea. Yeah. I don't know. How do you do it? I haven't been to a dentist in like 15 years.

Right? I don't know how to get to the dentist. Where the fuck is the disruption of the dental industry? There's 10 apps if you're every type of gay to go fuck guys, kids, whatever you want. There's an app for you. Go to the dentist. Oh, you got to log into your healthcare insurance thing. Yeah, you got to find 10 different numbers.

Log in. Oh, I bet your teeth are really hurting now, you got to log into your healthcare insurance thing. Yeah, you got to find 10 different numbers. Log in. Oh, I bet your teeth are really hurting now, you fuck. Yeah, they are. They should disrupt. All the medicine should be disrupted. You should be able to like. Why is it so fucking hard? I know they want me in there because they're always lying to me every time I go in.

Oh, you got to get your teeth cleaned every four weeks. Oh, you got it. Your teeth are fucked. Like, yeah, I know, because getting in here is fucking impossible. You guys have all my information. Why isn't every dentist that I've ever been to calling me, like, every week? You know, man, it's been

a fucking long time. How am I not getting, how am I getting texts from Trump every day? But I never get a fucking text from a dentist, and they're always just whining about killing themselves. And why don't they just go, like, yeah, we got a $200 special. Come on in. Come on in. It should be like getting your oil changed.

Or something. You just drive in. We got a bunch of hot bitches down here. You should be able to do it in your car. You don't even got to leave the car. Come to my house! Can't you bring your little shit over here? Yeah. What do you need? The mirror and the light? I got one of those. I hate to bitch about dentists because it's so hacky.

Maybe I'll do it as Carl. Maybe that one. Yeah, that's not hacky. Hey. Hey. You know what I hate is going to the dentist. As you can tell by my bloody tooth. It looks pretty cute.

What's the deal with dentists's the deal with dentists? Vito? Vito? Vito? What's the deal with dentists? They don't dent you. They don't dent you, no. What's the deal?

And then like 90% of it is them just scraping your teeth with that little thing. And you're like, I could have done that. I could have done that. I could have done that. Are your teeth falling out? Yeah, my teeth are fucked. I want to get rid of them. I fucking hate them. Oh, wait, let me get rid of Carl. It's funny to see you as Carl complaining normally.

Yeah, Vino. My teeth are fucked. My teeth are like chalk in my head, Vino. What do you mean? What do you mean are my teeth fucked? Can't you see them? I like seeing you, Carl. It's pretty good.

Vote up going to the dentist. I hate it. Anyway, yeah, I don't. I just think like all doctors. I don't even know. Like, do you go to the doctor? Do you like checkups or whatever? Well, yeah, because I have tons of stuff that's getting operated on all the time.

Here's the thing with dentists that I also think. I think they're also like trying to mess up your teeth a little bit. Every time you go in, they're like digging out stuff. I'm like, well, this will, here. I did it perfectly. I scraped out all the stuff. Yeah. And then, well, he's not not gonna go back And just enjoy his teeth

So I'm gonna Just fucking Shave all this shit out Knock a little fissure in there And some shit And fuck a fucking rat Well that's the weird thing Is that I haven't been

To the dentist in forever And my teeth feel great So Really? Yeah I got no pains Maybe it is a trick I only have pain

Yeah Everything that I chew And my teeth are disgusting Great It's probably all the plaque Every time I go in They scrape all that Protective plaque off

It's keeping everything Out of there Alright Yeah I don't know How to get to a dentist I need to go to a regular doctor And I don't even know How to do that

I'm gonna laminate my teeth Can you do that? They should If you go to a regular doctor What do you think he's gonna say? Uh You're dying Ew You need to laminate my teeth. Can you do that? They should. If you go to a regular doctor, what do you think he's going to say? You're dying. You need to stop whatever you're doing. You got to lose some.

You got to lose some of the stress in your life. Because clearly you're worried about all sorts of things. Have you heard the new conspiracy theory going around that wisdom teeth? Are fine. Well, not only that they're fine. They're but yeah they're good yeah because the pain gives you like access to like a higher plane of existence or something oh god i fucking i it pinches a specific nerve that allows you to access god that's why they're called wisdom teeth there's nothing there's no point to this life you moronsons. There's no fucking point to any of it.

I don't know if I got trolled. I don't know if that was real. It's just drugs and drugs that you generate in your body and drugs that you grow and make chemically. You fucking pricks. Okay, that's the show for today. What are our problems? Swastika scaries.

Respecting the fans. Oh, respecting the fans That's your problem I think so I hope you get voted down To oblivion for that I hope that people Understand that comic fans

And Star Wars fans Or whatever Do not possess Some grand intelligence Because every time They try to make Like a fan film Or whatever else

It's the most Schlocky There's like a thing Where they're like Marvel was like Yeah we don't really hire Like diehard comics fans because we kind of want people with like a name.

Yeah, we hire women. Well, yeah, we do way better. That's part of the problem. Yeah. I think you get these diehard fans, they're setting their ways. I don't know. You need a mix.

You need someone who's a fan but also is willing to be flexible. I think James Gunn is a flexible guy and he's got some ideas. Did he do Guardians of the Galaxy? Yes. And he did The Suicide Squad, which was good. Do you think he's going to have any like music in the movie?

He doesn't need to stop doing that. Oh, wow. I think he's going to stop doing that. Somewhere over the rainbow. I'm Superman. Okay, he made that. He was like the first guy to do that. So it's okay for him to be the guy to do that.

Nicolas Cage is the first guy to do that in Face Off, bro. Somewhere over the guy to do that Nicolas Cage is the first guy to do that And face off bro Somewhere over the rainbow Fucking little kid That's different Pop them fucking headphones on John Woo was the first one to do it Giant ass Slow-mo

Thing Bunch of violence Fair enough Contrast Yeah don't respect the fans Okay My problems were The omnibus bill

And Going to the dentist Going to the dentist Okay Merry Christmas To you My problems were the omnibus bill and going to the dentist. Okay. Merry Christmas to you. You want to do some voicemails? Hit me with some voicemails. Guys, don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show.

And don't forget the biggest problem in the universe holiday special is available at patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Yeah, vote up forced Christmas memes. Yes. Please. Vote on all the holiday problems. Okay, let's see here. Here's one. Oh, yeah, something messed up

where it doesn't open up the player anymore. Well, as Dick does that, I'm going to inspect my jerky. Or smoked salmon. Here, here. Oh, candied salmon. The last week's episode was arguably one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed in my entire life. And the other one that's really fucking funny is my boss said to be blank.

And I immediately just fucking burst out laughing in the middle of the meeting and I could not explain why I was laughing as people's Monday sessions ever. Fuck yourselves. I'm getting a lot of comments where people are going, every time I hear somebody say to be fair now, I suck.

Anyway. Walked into that one. Fuck you guys. Anyway, to finish my thought. You fucked up. Fuck you. You fucked up, Vito. You fucked it up big time, didn't you?

Dummy. Didn't you? Fuck it up, Vito. I really did fuck that up. I forgot the point of the bit As I was explaining the bit But now they just hear I suck

Whatever's Whenever somebody says that So It's funny that we've tainted People's brain patterns In that way Can you imagine just sitting in a video Or sitting in a meeting

And then yelling that in response to Or just hearing it And just burst out laughing Everyone's like What is wrong with you I can't It's really I can't explain it no please do honestly i can't because i'll get probably get fired i can't because then you'll see what podcasts i'm listening to uh okay oh somebody found a you remember i issued that challenge to people to find chrissy mayor's joke yeah i'm

excited uh here you go i did some research for everybody to find a chy mercy mayor joke yeah i'm excited uh here you go i did some research for everybody to find a christy mayor joke and in my research i was able to find one one joke and it is i don't make jokes jokes about abortion because i know how to read a womb amazing that's a fantastic peak comedy right there I know how to read a womb I really understand why Carl loves her so much I know how to read a womb I'm glad the color's shit on Carl

how dare you how dare you because he bears number one funny woman on the internet she's a very good friend of mine. I can't read a room either. Why you

say this? Her ongoing feud with... This is going to turn into a whole thing. What do you... Okay, let's hear your best abortion joke then, Vito. Let's hear it then if you think you're funnier than Chrissy Mayer. Let's hear it. Let's hear it then if you think you're so fucking if you think you're funnier than Chrissy Mayer.

Let's hear it. I'm on the spot, my God. Let's hear it. I don't think I have any. Let's spit it out. Spit it out. Two aborted fetuses walk into a bar. No idea. So Dick's whole idea was we were going to spark some sort of feud with Carl. This feels very one-sided, unfortunately.

I'll give you my favorite abortion joke. Here we go. I'm Pickle Rick. Yeah. I'm Pickle Rick. Clearly Carl listened to a lot of the Stern Show and his dream was to work the soundboard. And I don't want to take that dream away from him. Oh, yeah?

You son of a bitch. I'm in. Let Carl have his soundboard. I have a soundboard. I love it. Yeah, but he loves his soundboard. All right, well, Chrissy Mayer's one joke. I love his soundboard, too.

I like hearing Rick and Morty. Send us well, Chrissy Mayer's one joke. I love his soundboard, too. I like hearing Rick and Morty. Send us more of Chrissy Mayer's jokes. I want to get to know Chrissy Mayer's comedy. Oh, you're entering a... What? You're entering a great... She might have some good ones. So if you're listening, clip Chrissy Mayer's jokes and send them to Vito so he can do a roundup.

I just, you know, I want to know more. She hates me so much. I'd like to know what it is. Maybe I'll find it through her comedy. Because you're immune to her charms. That's why. That might be what it is. Okay.

How about this one? Hey, Dick and Vito. We had an online Christmas party this year. Oh, my God. Because we all worked from home. What the hell? Everybody had to send in a significant life event with pictures, and HR put together a PowerPoint presentation.

I would kill myself. I would kill myself. Yeah, me too. Me too. Holy shit. Sam Bernardino workplace shoot-up. So it was nothing but an hour and a half of Mike from accounting in a Hawaiian shirt drinking a margarita over and over again. I submitted that my dog got Alzheimer's and I had to put him down instead of picture having to sleep with his tongue hanging out so it looked like I took it after he died.

They didn't put my significant life event in. They didn't put it in the way. Go vote it out. They left you out. That sucks. Oh my god. Amazing intro. GF refuses to draw. Which one do you want? This one? Yeah. Let's do this one.

Okay. Ah shit. I don't know why it's not doing that. Do you think Carl will think what I was doing was funny? I don't know why it's not doing that do you think carl will think what i was doing was funny i don't know i hope so i laughed really hard i was like the only friend you and carl are probably the only friends where i can go like really hard yeah and like still think that yeah i still think that we'll have a friendship afterwards you don't know how valuable that is to me Okay here we go amazing intro Hey Dick hey Vito listening to the most recent episode Um absolutely fucking amazing Cold open again

Cannot highly recommend this show enough Uh biggest problem Is definitely starving artists And the fact that my girlfriend Who is an artist refuses to draw furry porn Even though that she would make A fuck ton of money Giant wolf men Cocks fucking is to draw furry porn, even though she would make a fuck ton of money. Free money. She would shut up and go through

giant wolf men cocks, fucking, I don't know, fucking whatever. She should just fucking draw furry porn. She makes so much goddamn money with these goddamn freaks, and nobody fucking takes advantage of it. All these furry guys, or like most of them, people are always like, how do furries get all the money for these

elaborate fursuits and whatever else? Because they're all weird autistic computer programmers with 100K salaries. Yeah. And they have no families. They're all like machine programmers. Yeah. Like computer chip programmers. So all this money they have, they literally just buy.

Like Raytheon. Oh, the $1.7 trillion? It's all going to them, the furry guys. Yeah, and then they'll just pay like $500 a piece for pictures of their fursona getting raped by like a pack of wolves. Get in on that. You got to smack this bitch around. You got to put your foot down. Sit her down and tell her, listen.

You can either draw a furry cock or get fucked by a furry cock. Exactly. It's your choice. That's the way of life. Either you're getting fucked by the furries or you're fucking the furries. Fucking the furries. Okay. I'm going to do the super chats.

Super chats. This is my favorite part of the show because it's where we make the money. A little bit. It's my favorite part because it goes to show how much our fans love us. Guys. Oh, yeah. Did you do this Dame Pesos thing? I did put up the Dame Pesos clip. Oh, wow.

So for people who want to revisit the Dame Pesos stinger war, that clip is now available. I think I will clip that cold open and put it out as a separate clip so you can link your friends to Super Killer vs. Aisong. The ongoing fight.

And it's totally fine if someone made shirts unlicensed shirts i can't stop you that's all i'm saying well i am a little bit worried that it's gonna be like well you know it's gonna be like a couple years from now and they go oh you know we'd love to make a movie adaptation of your character super killer just wondering if you could explain all this unlicensed merchandise where he is murdering black people. That's why they're going to want to make the movie.

Are you fucking serious? You've got to go hard, man. I don't know about that. ASC presents. Everyone subscribe to our friend Riley at ASC as well as Mint Salad over there. What's her fans name? Tits Mint Salad as well as Mint Salad over there. Oh, yeah. What's her fans late? Tits Mint Salad.

Tits Mint Salad? Okay, I don't know. It's Mint Salad. Search for Mint Salad. $10 early and straight. Fantastic. Thank you. So I'm Ben Diesel for two.

Super Killer, Kyle Rittenhouse crossover when? Bro, they got to team up like Predator and Judge Dredd with Batman and Judge Dredd when they cross universes. Fucking Super Killer has to team up. Fan art. Now. Super Killer and Kyle Rittenhouse team up to execute the liberal pedophiles.

It's kind of missing the point of the whole experience. No, it's not. This feels like a whole new... You guys really have a whole head cannon for super killer uh famously i do support kyle ridden i've decided the whole written house thing is like my limit is test for people yeah or it's like what do you think about the kyle ridden house

uh oh yeah there's two correct answers one is i didn't follow it closely enough to have an opinion oh yeah or two he is innocent for reason of self-defense. Yeah, obviously. Any other answer and you're an idiot. Yeah, but he's a little fuck. You can say that. He's getting fucked off, man. That's the problem though is that people go to, they want to say he's a little fuck, but they can't just stop there.

I wish he was dead, but I support that he defended himself. Have you seen him with his girlfriend? I have. They're selling sweatshirts that say, break up with your liberal girlfriend and boyfriend. Hey, man, if he's making money, he's doing it right, right? Okay.

Breastman for five wants to trick me into saying 2BF, and he failed. Wow, you really got that right. Vito, when you had hair, what was your go-to I'll read it. Go back. When you had hair, what was your go-to styling product? You really thought I was going to get on me? For me, it was go-to

be fair as well with my curly locks and that. Yeah, that was horrible. Wow. And it was only five bucks. Not even trying. ASC presents for 10.

I'd pay extra for a team-up issue where Super Killer meets Christopher Dorner. Okay, well, I mean, I love the Dorner. You can't corner the Dorner. Although he was famous although he was cornered a little bit. Wow. Well, I mean, I love the Dorner. You can't corner the Dorner. Although he was famously cornered a little bit.

But he cornered, whatever. I miss that guy. I miss that guy too. He should have been Black Adam. The Rock should do a Christopher Dorner movie. I do have people, and then now people are like, I saw there were comments because everybody keeps going, wait, Super Killer, just the boys. I'm like, no,

it's not just the boys. It's different. It's obviously different. It's better than the boys. It's different. I mean, Is Super Killer just the boys? I'm like No it's not just the boys It's different It's obviously different It's better than the boys It's different I mean the boys Well actually the boys comic Kind of sucks I don't know if you've ever

Read the comic No The show's okay But the show pussed out Because remember the show Was like No holds barred And we don't

You know We're gonna Break your preconceived notions And we'll rip on Sacred cows or whatever And then I saw an interview With them and they're like Oh well we didn't want To kill that character because we thought you know she's gay and it

would be mean to kill a gay character and i'm like isn't that the whole thing your show's about is like there are no sacred whatever the fucks anyway john riffs for 10 veto can you clarify if super killer kills good guys or guys that are considered good i would have assumed it was the first would he kill hortler also merry, Merry Christmas to everyone, even PDF files. Would Superkiller kill Hitler? In a universe where Hitler won World War II. Superkiller is given assignments by an agency. He's kind of like a cop.

He's kind of like a cop. He could kill whomever he wants. Well, I mean, he can kill whoever he wants. Okay. But he's specifically supposed to kill a specific person. Okay. So he's not like making moral decisions about who's good or bad. Just do it.

Kill this guy. So he's just following orders? Yes. Okay. So he's a cop. Well, there's another group that... It's complicated. There's stuff going on.

He's an agent, man. He's like an assassin. Okay. You'll see. Mount Hall for 50 American dollars, which calls for an Islamic call to prayer. Thank you, guys, for a fantastic show. Love you, Vito.

And you too, Dick. Just need a giant verse from Vito! This whole time, this whole time I played... We love it. We love a lot, but this whole time, I must say, this whole time I've been playing Pokemon, I thought when you retreat cost, it is, you need to

have the number of retreat cost there and you only discard... You only discard one card. But in actuality, save come praise down from Allah. You discard all the retreat costs. This is big game changer for me. Big game changer for me. Yeah, that's like a crucial rule.

Big game changer for me as I say Allah, as he live and breathe, as he is riding on magical pegasus, he has everything, rules lined out. I should have said about Pokemon cards. Because that is what makes it not offensive. Only we talk about Pokemon cards. I want to talk about the time that the Prophet Muhammad tried to have sex with death. The physical embodiment of death. And he had to obtain five magic eye-lock crystals.

Six magic eye-lock crystals. So he could have sex with death. Her name was Gardevoir. Also, I do want to say thank you for the $50, Mount Hall. That bit's got a lot going on. Monster Slayer for five.

I'm only talking about Pokemon Fair enough Every time we do it Did you really not know How retreat cost works? I thought I knew how it worked And my nephew told me That that's how it worked

And I just believed him And then I looked it up afterwards And I said You motherfucker You So then I fucking hammered him Yesterday Yeah man

Cause you gotta You gotta pay big If you wanna retreat Monster Slayer for five Co-opting Hindu imagery and ruining the swastika is the worst thing the Nazis did

I agree they really ruined that thing I don't agree with that the worst possible thing that they did was ruining that little cool symbol and I can't think

of anything else thank god they didn't ruin the Stussy yes yeah the cool ass yeah would've been the worst Jim Satala for five

Merry Christmas Dick and Vito when is the next Road R? Yeah. That would have been the worst. Jim Satala for five. Merry Christmas, Dick and Vito. When is the next Road Rage Tampa going to happen? Would you consider doing one at Fort Myers Beach for hurricane relief? No, I don't do charity. I hate it. It sickens me. You like Florida, though. Yeah, I do.

We're doing a Philly show. Me and Carl are doing a Philly show. Here, I'll bring him out. Philly live show! Philly live show! Chrissy Mayer's going to be there! Is she going to be there? are doing a... Here, I'll bring him out. Billy Live Show! Billy Live Show! Chrissy Mayer's gonna be there! Is she gonna be there? I hope so! She's gonna warm up

the crowd with some of her jokes! Tell her everything's okay. Tell her it's all just for the sake of comedy. Yeah, we're doing a live show 422 in Philadelphia. So I was thinking about I might go... Come on, come out. thinking about I might go. You're going to be there. Come on. Come out.

Well, I might come out because isn't Tony from Hack the Movies? Aren't they in Philadelphia? Yeah, Tony's going to be there, and he said he would stand up this time. That would be good. To introduce the show. I have a picture of him basically passed out in a car because he just ate that giant weed cookie and just completely knocked out.

He was so bad. Yeah, you're like, hey, Tony, we're going to do a big comedy show. He's like, well, clearly I should take a giant edible and fall asleep at the show. Yeah, but he just walks out. I'm like, hey, go introduce us. He's like, I don't know. What should I say? I'm like, just go introduce the fucking show.

And he walks up there and just sits in the chair. Oh, man, I'm eating a fucking gabagool over here. The funny thing is, I was like, that was the first thing I thought was when he gets on stage and sits down. I'm like, is this motherfucker sitting down? And then you thought the exact same. Like, I'm glad that we were all mentally tuned. Everyone thought that. Like, what the fuck is this?

How do you hype up a show by, like, sitting in a chair? Wow, guys. We got a great show. No, like, you got to. And he did, like, one of these crooked arm, guys, we got a great show. No, like you got a... And he did like one of these crooked arm like sits. It was like, oh.

Yeah, I'll come. I want to come to the Philadelphia show. So it's... 422. April. Okay. I got time to get a ticket.

I only know the months by their number. I'll figure it out because also Tony keeps inviting us to go on his podcast oh yeah maybe we could make time i don't know okay figure it out uh cara fro for five merry christmas thank you cara thanks merry christmas moderator now i made her oh she's a great moderator she's well she's one of the shut up she's She's one of Andy's moderators as well, so she does good work.

Oh. Keeps all the bots. Moderate for us a little better. She's doing a great job considering we don't pay her anything. Mike Hunt for two. There's a swastika pose trend Japanese teens do. Cool. Oh, that's funny.

Yeah. And they go one behind and one in front. I can't even do it Yeah that seems pretty tricky Dwabwinkle for 10 I subbed to Patreon and your stand up Was pretty good Money's pretty tight right now can you refund me the $5 Please

No kill yourself Why would you super chat $10 to ask for a $5 refund That doesn't track at all Pretty good fuck you it was great It's pretty good. Fuck you. It was great. It's funny because on the stand-up right now there's one comment that says Vito killed and there's another comment that says Vito bombed. And I'm like, shit, I don't know if I did good

or not. I think I did good. Yeah, you did great. Osama bin Deen too. Ukraine has plenty of swastikas. Shut up. Lemon Sake for five. To Azov. To Nazis. Yeah. To Azov Battalion. I don't know what's going on. Shut up Lemon Sake For five To Nazis Yeah To Azov Battalion I don't know what's going on

It's complicated Oh they're Nazis bro They're not Nazis It's not complicated Well I mean Or it is complicated Okay Alright

They're the good Nazis right No Lemon Sake Is Super Killer Willing to rape a superhero If the situation demands it Or is he above that kind of nonsense If he was put in a situation where rape was required of a little boy no no no hold on

pretty sure he would reject that hypothesis uh but yeah i could see a scenario where if the mission required it yeah listen he's got to kill these superheroes, and there's a reason for it. Yeah. He's got to do it. What if he got sent back in time, and it was like Hitler's mom, and he had to impregnate her? So there wouldn't be room for a Hitler inside her. Yeah, you had to knock her up tonight, or else she's going to get impregnated by Hitler. Like, I've got to rape her.

I don't have time to seduce her. She's on the way to her husband. She's got a home. I've got to knock her up. That's the only way to do it. seduce her. She's on the way to her husband. She's got a home. I've got to knock her up. That's the only way to do it. I haven't really entertained any time travel narratives

yet, but I suppose something could happen. You guys, look, you're all going to get it when the comic goes out. Stop speculating about who he's going to kill or rape or not rape. This is the most fan fiction about it. Honestly, there's more speculation now than about Eric July's eyesome, so at least

the community is coming together. Because it's a fun idea. That's why. Pale Pen 15. Pen 15. USD 199 says, Kevin is based. PA Lodge loses again.

There you go. If that's a reference, I don't get it. Nomini. Nomami for five. Shout out to my boyfriend, Nick. Happy birthday. Nick. Nick. There you go. Last

name. Grr. Congratulations for your birthday, Mr. Grr. There you go. You have to reward them. They're not getting rewarded because I didn't say it. LaCombra for two. Merry Christmas, lads. Monster Slayer for two. This wouldn't happen if Squans was here. I believe that's when our

audio went out. Mount Hall for five, eight. There you go. Audio is back. My man. My man, Mount Hall. Thank you, Mount Hall. Thank you for being that guy. Me04120 for two. Still not back. Two bucks, though. Liar. David Gomez for a dollar. Says nothing. Thank you for being that guy. Me 04120 for two says still not back. Two bucks though. Liar.

David Gomez for a dollar says nothing. Thank you, David. Merry Christmas, buddy. Super Veloz for 20 big dollars on the board says Merry Christmas, guys. I've been a fan since episode one and I look forward to episode 100. Me too. Thank you. I look forward to episode 107.

No. What about episode 77? forward to episode 107. No. What about episode 77? That's where the real dicey stuff goes down. Is that where the real stuff goes down? That's where the real dicey stuff happens.

What's the last episode? It's 107, right? Yeah, but it was two episodes of like clip shows. Yeah. So the real last episode was 105.

105 is the last one you appeared on or 104. Yeah. 108 will be a big deal. is why i'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure it doesn't happen like i'm already fantasizing about i'm like god how great would it be if i just like didn't show up anyway you don't think i can get Josh Denny a dumb hat? That would be the worst. Agnostic Suzumaki for 10. Life's not fair.

I have heart pain. And I have to visit a cardiologist despite working out six days a week. Vito lives guilt-free eating a lard and ballooning up to 300 pounds. I got to say, I feel great. I feel good. No, you don't. What do you mean? Once I get these testosterone pills

For my testicles Everything's gonna be great Oh okay I got my low T-check They're gonna Bump up my levels Oh yeah Okay

Then you're gonna lose weight It probably might help We'll see You gonna work out? Yes What are you gonna do? I'm gonna Cardio

Go for walks That's the worst Okay Walks okay Cardio's not bad You see what I mean? That's the worst. Okay. Walks. Okay. Cardio's not bad. It's the worst way to lose weight. I will lift weights. Okay.

In conjunction. What about the eating? The eating's bad. I know. You got to stop eating like Coke and stuff. I got to, well, I don't drink. You got to meal prep. I know I got to meal prep.

You come in a jar all week and then you just eat that. I got to stop doing DoorDash. Yeah. I just do DoorDash. Let's see what you're- Let's see your DoorDash. No, we're not looking at my DoorDash. How much to see-

How much in Super Chat money to see your DoorDash? Oh, God. A hundred bucks? Somebody pays a hundred bucks when you show your DoorDash? I'm really ashamed of my DoorDash. We'll start this next week Let me look at my last five DoorDashes Five

Is that this month? So far Let's see what I've been ordering You're giving it away Make them pay for it They're just going to get a taste Last night Was a pesto cheesy garlic bread

With a salad It's not terrible What kind of salad? Caprese salad Okay, soaked in Cheese and stuff The day before I got a Jersey Mike's tuna fish sub

Okay How big? The giant one But, hold on I ate half of it I ate half of it that day You get chips too? No, I didn't get chips Okay How big? The giant one But Hold on I ate half of it I ate half of it that day You get chips too?

No I didn't get chips You soda? And I said no No And I saved the other half For the next day So that was a sandwich That lasted two days

Okay Was it lunch for two days Or was it just a sandwich For two days? It was lunch for two days Okay And then Tuesday I had a pastrami Breakfast burrito from Topps Burgers

Okay And then the day before that I got a poke bowl You know, salmon, rice We're still in this week Yeah Okay This is all What else did you get?

And then going back to the Friday I got a turkey and pastrami sandwich That doesn't sound so bad. It's not terrible. Could be worse. Yeah. There's some worse ones on there, I'm sure, if we keep taking it. I don't know. I'm just saying.

That is like five DoorDash orders for like five days. And do we get to hear Vito's DoorDashes for the week? The shame DoorDashes. Nothing shameful about it. Just you got to eat. I think this week's been a, I don't know, But it is a lot of like Sandwiches and meat and stuff I mean Okay

There's a lot of Condiments on there Matt M for five Vito's attitude towards fandom Is shared Ryan Johnson That's how Last Jedi came to be But he made a bunch of YouTube money

From that movie I mean But that was like different Because it's not about Respecting the fans It's that he could've done He just I don't know It's not it's like he made bad decisions but it has nothing to do with what

the fans wanted is that like naturally luke skywalker's character should not have been turned into a piece of shit dirtbag hermit like that just makes no sense From a story perspective Yeah I could go on about that For hours though So I won't Yeah Typical fan rage Mike Hunt for five Says the black elf

Was a predictive indicator Of a current trend in cinema It was a bad show A black elf in a 90s trailer Would not predict a poor show What the fuck It's true So it's just because

It's modern Yeah Okay Mike Hunt for five Thanos did not force death To love him with his power either Thanos wiping out half of all life was dumb Why not just double all resources?

Well I got the impression That he had been doing Remember he had been doing his half Everybody on a planet thing for a while And it became like his That was even dumber though It became his motivating Character trait

And then he figured out a way to do it on a grand scale. Because he had already believed. It's so dumb. It's not that dumb. It's pretty good. It's so dumb. I like it. It would be like if Silence of the Lambs, instead of having Hannibal Lecter as a bad guy,

had that Migs guy that threw cum on her. What's my motivation? Throwing cum on her. Oh, yeah. Bring in your fucking thing about Buffalo Bill. I'll throw some cum on you. It was a strong motivator. It made sense.

I get it. No, love is the only good story. I gotta love death. I wanna have sex with death. Yes. Fucking stupid. Comic books are stupid. Spider Eternal for two by Super Killer says,

Merry Christmas, gents. Vito, did you get F Adder? I don't know. I haven't weighed myself in a while. I definitely need to lose some weight. Okay. Because I now have a box of shirts I can't wear right now. And we need to fix that situation.

How big is the box? Like a refrigerator box? No, it's like a big plastic tub. Okay. Procter's for $2.50. Merry Christmas to my favorite podcast. I hope you're aware of your favorite podcast. Please tell, you know what, you want to give us a real Christmas present? Yeah. Tell one friend

about this show. Tell your mom to put it in the Christmas letter. Don't, okay. I don't think she's going to do that. But if you have a dirtbag friend who likes funny comedy, be like, hey, you you gotta listen To this episode Or listen to this clip Or whatever else Send him something

Tell a lady who has problems With everything Tell her about it So she can go complain about it Okay Mike Hunt's been After me with his five dollars With no excuses Body by science

By Dr. John McGuff And John Little A twelve minute a week workout Have you heard about this? No The fuck's a twelve minute A week workout gonna do? Sounds like a trick Where they go like, and then after that

do like two hours of something else. Kaiju Turtle for five. Biggest problem in Canada. 85% federal tobacco tax. Is that real? 25 cigarettes for $25? Jesus Christ. They really, yeah, that's

unreasonable. Even if you roll your own, can you roll your own and save a bundle? That's illegal. What? Really? I don't know. You got to pay a tax on that. Can you grow your own tobacco? It's kind of hard to grow tobacco. Probably not.

David Gomez for two says, K.K. Carl won't think it's fun because he's not funny. Oh, he is funny. Oh, poor K.K. Carl. That's funny. I always wanted to do a skit. KK Carl sings the KK classics. It would be taking various songs and making racist parodies of them. And it all got started because one night

we were listening to the Beatles. You know, Eleanor Rigby. Yeah. For some reason I started singing, I look at all the Puerto Ricans. And then We laughed really hard. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty good. And then we started, uh, we started writing a lot. Oh my God. For Christmas. Here we go. It's the great for two. I literally love Vito. He's so cute. Thank you. Fadix David Gomez for a big 20 on the board. Praise Allah America paying for our security

and the new budget. Protect our masks Allah shine. We pray now. People, person, McPeoples for five. The dentist should be silent during the checkup, then send a follow-up email with the issues and tips. No one would feel shamed by an email.

You can tell me my teeth are ugly. I don't give a shit. Mike Hunt for five. How is Eric July cashing in on right-wing outrage? Any difference from Vito promoting his book by outrage over Eric July's marketing strategy? We'll never know. Yeah. Who knows? I don't know.

Buy it anyway. It doesn't matter. Agnostic. Cause ooh, Zoumaki for two says it's just the boys. If you were serious about that, you would have paid 10 bucks. You would have paid 10.

Super veloz for two. Vito used the bike. Not for two. You got to give me $10 to use the bike. Ruby C for 10. Vito, I want you to only eat one piece of pie this Christmas so we do not lose you before 40. I had a sugar cookie, and that's the responsibility of your demon girlfriend, so she's trying to kill me. There you go.

Yeah, I don't care if anyone survives. ASC Presents for 50 says, Vito, I'll pay you more magic card money when you get on a Sucker Punch song, which is a fun way to announce that I will be appearing on a Sucker Punch album at some point in the near future. I've been invited to rap a few bars. Really? Yeah. I'm excited. Well, thank you, Riley.

David Gomez for five. Vito killed. Vito killed! Yes! Yeah, good. Spitalik should have been pulled off stage by a comic. Don't say killed. Vito killed. Yes. Yeah. Good. Spital should have been pulled off stage by a comic. Don't say that. Don't say that part. We love Carl.

Monster Slayer for five. This show needs something like the wheel of consequences, but the wheel is a bike. Vito has to ride every time. He doesn't lose weight. Yeah. What do you think about that? Pete Tong for 10 says this is for pesto cheesy garlic bread with a salad. It's pretty good garlic.

It was pretty good. A cheese bread. I can't believe you ordered bread. 10 says this is for pesto cheesy garlic bread with a salad. It's pretty good garlic. It was pretty good. Uh, cheese bread. I can't believe you ordered bread. Well, uh, their pizza is like too thin. It's like,

like that super thin crust pizza. And I want to like, I want bread. Cheese bread is really good. You know, his pizza is not too thin. Chrissy Mayer's pizza. The thickest pizza in town

Vito. Is that your Carl voice? What are you thinking? It is my Carl voice actually. Oh God, that looks horrifying. Chrissy Mayer walks into a Chrissy Mayer. That's the joke.

That picture of him. All right. That picture of him is really terrible. That picture of him is just the worst. All right, goodbye, everyone. Real quick, put up the list of our favorite supporters. Oh, yeah. You might want to refresh the Super Chats one more time real quick. I mean, fuck them if they didn't get in before.

No, just give them one more. It's Christmas. Everyone's getting it in at the last minute. It's just too late. They had plenty of time. They had like an hour and a half to get it in, and now I have to refresh it? There's two more. Let me get them out.

Bokaiji Turtle for two, $90 for a 200-gram tub, $4 for a box that's... He almost got... Wait. Box of tubes. Absurd. I thought he was trying to get me. Bike Hunt for five, one set to failure is all you need per muscle group Yeah, yeah, alright

Fuck this weight loss advice No one cares Just let me die Thanks to all our supporters We'll be back I don't know Next week I don't know, are we?

Doing a New Year's show? Oh, I don't know I mean, are we gonna Wait, wait, wait What's today? The 23rd? So it'll be on the 30th? Yeah that's not New Year's

I guess that's not New Year's I guess we'll be back next week I will be drunk But it's not New Year's Unless I decide to blow it off Alright Goodbye Thanks everybody

I love you Bye