The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 76

Episode Date: February 4, 2023

Uninformed Voters, Deep Fake Consent Malarky, Going to the Doctor

Taking a second. Taking its sweet goddamn time. We are now live. You're live! Yes! Oh, you swore in the first couple minutes this is not monetized. What's that? No, we don't monetize.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Because we swore at the beginning of the thing. Man. There we go. There we go. We monetize through people signing up for the whatever the heck. I'm doing this thing called Don't Get Canceled in the Real World.

I can't do a Don't get canceled on YouTube thing. Fair enough. I cannot even understand those because of my disability. Okay. Because I have a neurotypical disability that's not unlike autism, but it prevents me from not swearing. It's neurotypical? Neuroatypical.

So that's what prevents you from not swearing. It's neurotypical-er? Neuro-atypical-er. Okay. So that's what prevents you from not... You have a condition that doesn't prevent you from not swearing? He also has a condition that causes him to break YouTube's terms of service once every couple months.

I mean, that's... By talking about stuff he knows he's not supposed to talk about. But that's reasonable. There's a lot of things that YouTube says you can't talk about

that you should be allowed to talk about. I can't understand rules rules I don't understand them People explain them to me and I'm like Well that's great for other people But why are you telling me these? And then my shit gets deleted I'm so confused

Can you believe that? If you ever get this channel banned And we have to stream on Rumble I'm going to jump off a bridge I will get this channel banned Please don't You should stream on Rumble, I'm gonna jump off a bridge. I will get this channel banned. Please don't. You should stream on Rumble as well as YouTube. Well, we have been. We've been forced to a couple times. We're waiting for some of the big bucks.

We're waiting for the Rumble deal. Rumble money. Rumble, give us some fucking money. Or we'll be your worst nightmares. We're gonna talk shit about Rumble until they offer us the big dollars. The big payoff. We want rikita bucks You have to be lawyers to get rikita bucks Is that like a euphemism lawyers no one he's a lawyer that's why

Your mind goes somewhere else I know what code talk he's speaking at. No, Dick, I'm literally talking about lawyers. Yeah, he's actually a lawyer. This is why you're going to get us banned from everything. His show is Rikita Law, you know, law-splaining the interwebs. I thought that was, you know. We love Rikita. You're going to his thing in Vegas, right? Yeah, you should come.

Am I allowed to go? You're allowed to do whatever you want. What do you mean? He wants like a fucking invitation everywhere Just get a little red carpet I might go Please bless us with your presence At the Riketa Gala

Can we carpool or who are you going with? Just get him a red light doormat Let's not go crazy Come on It's a lot of money to drive there That's rough Because I gotta bring my joke books I got so many joke books books. Joke books?

Yeah, I got so many joke books. They're jokes that are too hot to go on the plane. Yeah. I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. Joke books. Well, I heard you, but I didn't comprehend. What might? Phil, they're one-liners.

If you catch my best lines are in these joke books that I have. What might the transit service, what do they call them? FAA. The FAA might have, the TSA might have some problem with the travel. Yeah, the FAA doesn't care. The type of traveling Dick likes to do.

Okay. Let's put it that way. Are we ready to start the show? Yeah, let's do it. Thank you for coming out. No problem. Thank you. You agreed before you saw

what traffic was like in L.A. to come out here. Yeah, it was a bad mistake. I regret it. I already regret it. Yeah, we're never getting you back. Do your plugs up front. That's the reward.

In L.A., you do your plugs up front because everyone hates you by the time you get to their house. Well, you know. And you're ready to go. You know, there's a lot of traffic to deal with, you know, an hour from Lakewood up here. It's a pain in the ass. It'll be better by the time you get out of here, though. Yeah. It will. It could die down. the ass. It'll be better by the time you get out of here, though. Yeah. It will.

It could die down. Okay, whatever. I already regret it. Regardless. You could do a better song than this. I have. I mean, this song feels so weak and shitty compared to stuff you were just playing. In the

universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the Universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe! The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from omnipresent tip jars to AI going too far. I'm your host Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Giswani. Hi! Joining us in studio, the legendary Phil Levante. How do you say your last name? Levante. Levante?

Yeah. As Americanized as it gets Think of white bread When you say my name It's like Doug Tenapple It's like when I try to Sell his name I was like Well so how do you pronounce

Like Tenople Tenapple Tenapples Doug Tenapples Exactly Legendary singer And libertarian I mean both of those things

Are kind of iffy on The legendary Legendary or libertarian? Uh, I mean, both of those things are kind of iffy on. Legendary or libertarian, depending on the day, depending on how many libertarians are around. If there's more than two libertarians around, I'm not a libertarian anymore, because one of them has a dumb idea that I don't fucking agree with. I don't want to talk about

age of consent, so I'm going to go over there. Like I said, when there are more than two around, I ain't a libertarian. What is that one libertarian party that keeps tweeting like crazy shit? Like, why don't we? The New Hampshire Libertarian Party. But is that like legitimately the New Hampshire Libertarian Party? That is legitimately the official New Hampshire Libertarian Party.

How do you have a legitimate libertarian party? Well, I mean, it's the third. It's the third. It is the third largest one. It is the only one that, like that one in thearian Party. Well, I mean, it's the third. It's the third. It is the third largest one. It is the only the only one that like that one in the Green Party, like the Green Party gets a little bit, but the Green Party always goes right into the Democrats. They're always on there like, why aren't our kids in coal mines? Kids love coal.

And I'm like, is this really like the most attractive use of your platform? They have the greatest argument on their side. Who pays taxes? Everybody, right? greatest argument on their side who pays taxes everybody right us too you know who loves taxes those other guys and you republicans those guys love tax democrats those guys love taxes but then you put the libertarians out there you say go do that message and they're like man uh you should be able to do heroin if you want to can you start with weed everywhere? Because that's already

kind of chill. Like, just get the weed everywhere and then you can start talking about, like, you know, mushrooms, things that are natural. Suicide clinics. But easing it, just, you know, dumping right down to private judges. I mean, well, I mean, look, the whole, like, our

justice system is a crapshoot anyways, so I'm not so convinced that a private system is actually going to be worse. You're doing it right now. You're doing the libertarian thing right now. It'll be bad in a different way. I mean, look, don't tell me that you think that the justice system is, like, right on and has their stuff together. As a hardcore libertarian, you love homeowners associations, right?

Well, first of all, I have two problems with that. I'm not a hardcore libertarian because I don't like to join things. And two, I don't like homeowners associations. That's why I live in the woods and my nearest neighbor is a kilometer away. There you go. That settles the debate. What is the libertarian? 25.

25. That's too young. That's way too young. When the cerebral cortex is fully developed and you're actually an adult, that's when the age of consent should be. Okay. And nobody should vote until they're. Yeah, exactly.

The car company knew the whole time. Exactly. They know. They knew. They know. They're not wrong. They have data. They have the numbers to prove it whole time. Exactly. They know. They knew. They know. They're not wrong. They have data. They have the numbers to prove it.

Yeah. So. I forgot what we were. Oh, you were playing us your new song, Unreleased Material, that you're just recording right now. Yes, just today. That was awesome. Thank you.

What is that style? Is it like mellow death? I like to call it easy. Well, there's a lot of singing in it, so I consider it easy listening. The songs that I'm screaming over 50% of the time, those are what I like to call hard rock. And if it's

if I'm singing more than half the time, then it's easy listening. Then it's the easy stuff. Just the chill stuff. That was the easy stuff that we're hearing. Well, it sounds good. It sounds like you guys are working on a new album, Slowly But Surely. Yeah, I mean, I'm in no rush. I'm in no rush. I mean, the reason is because, like, you know,

this will be the first record that we put out since Oli passed away. And we've got a legacy to live up to. I'm in a position where I don't have to rush a record out. You know, the band, no one in the band has to. So it's like, if it's not going to be up to par to, like, really to the stuff that our fans deserve, then I'm not putting anything out. We don't have that attitude.

We put out pure trash every week, and if you don't like it... Next week there'll be a different flavor of trash. Aren't you drunk sometimes? Like, whatever, I'm fucking having another drink. I don't care. Even if Vito died, I would just put trash out. Like, whatever. I would charge admission to the funeral, you know? It's like, oh, Vito would I would just put trash out Like whatever I would charge admission To the funeral

You know It's like Ah Vito would've wanted it that way Yeah Here's a bunch of his pins That I found You wanna buy Don't take my pins

Just give Superkiller Like half The Superkiller half done away Leave all my That's all my stuff Here's his Q-tips I'm selling these Leave my Q-tips alone

Uh Okay Should I do uh Who won? Yeah Uh Q-tips alone. Okay, should I do... Who won? Oh, I didn't write it down. Fuck.

You know what I... Well, do you have the website in front of you? And the drum roll, please! Why are you even looking at the paper if you didn't write it down? Because I thought I had it on the paper. Hold on. I know that you won with tip jars. I feel at home. But I was off by like 10 votes, and I was worried you were going to do that little sneaky thing

where last minute you go on Twitter and you go, hey, guys, don't forget to vote for my problems. I don't talk like that. I won by five votes. Oh, okay. Oh, fuck. I could have done it. I could have fixed it. Just in my house.

Dick is last minute voting. Fuck. Yeah, you could have just jacked it up. Tip jar takeover with a big 195. What do you think, Phil? Too many tip jars these days? I see them everywhere. I mean.

Don't you hate the working class like we do? I mean, I'm actually very agnostic on tip jars. I don't have a, I mean, I put money in tip jars sometimes. If the people are actually, you know, if they don't shit in my, you know, my whatever thing I'm getting from them, I kind of feel obligated, you know? What if you're buying some shit? I, why? There should be reverse tip jars.

I'm not a farmer, dude. How come there's no reverse tip jars Where if they do a shitty job You get to like take a dollar You know Like a coin on a string I feel like that's like When you call them

That's asking for the manager That's the reverse tip Well this would This would cut all that out Like listen I'm not gonna call the manager I'm just taking two dollars From the reverse tip jar

Do better next time I like the reverse tip jar. Do better next time. I like the reverse tip jar. Yeah. Yeah. That would make everything better. I mean, you could turn a regular tip jar into a reverse tip jar. All you need is the balls.

That'd be such a funny bit, like a YouTube bit. Fucking. Guys that steal tip jars. You screwed up my order, and they just reach into the tip jar and yank out like a handful of cash. Like the milk. Remember I was telling you about the guys that throw milk everywhere in the store? I saw a new one last week. A guy got up on the checkout in Walmart and opened a milk and was throwing it everywhere. And I'm like, fucking Vito, this is as good as it gets.

This is as good as comedy gets. That's the height of comedy, dude. Oh, God. Okay, then it was pharmaceutical ads. That honestly should have beat tip charts. I just delivered it poorly, you know? Yeah, you screwed it up. Then it was performative doomsday metaphors.

Yeah, and then Dr. Kevin's needlessly confusing problem of AI psychology podcast. Which everybody loved Dr. Kevin as a guest guest but his problem, he always tries to get too cute. We have this guy who comes on, he's like a nuclear like a legitimate nuclear physicist and he's like, he's literally like, well, you know your audience already knows AI is a problem so what if I structure it like this? And I'm like, just talk about AI. It would be interesting

to have a science guy talk about AI. Yeah. Yeah. He gets all in his head. I mean, AI is frightening. And then he read AI. his head. I mean, AI is frightening. And then he read AI. He's talking about how bad AI is, and then he just read like a printout of AI. Yeah, and it was probably great, right? To the average person, they're like, that sounds fine to me.

I don't know. I love him. Yeah, me too. But we got to rein his problems in. Britsman said, Vito's tip jar problem is so true. I lived in Korea for four years where tipping is not a thing and visited the U.S. last week. My sister bitched me out for leaving a 10% tip instead of an 8% tip. Fuck this country.

Well, it is true. Every time foreigners come over, they're like, what is wrong with you guys? This tipping thing is obnoxious. Yeah. Prickles says, Vitoito that reduction to a single problem You were describing is called critical theory And it's a core component of modern Marxism Look I agree the left is the ones doing that

I don't want to talk about that And I didn't put that as my problem Because I didn't want to sit there and just rage for an hour I wanted to come and have some levity and have some fun Yeah well We get some of that You're all like about easy listening I didn't want to sit there and just rage for an hour. I wanted to come and have some levity and have some fun. We get some of that. You're all like about easy listening and having some fun and rocking out. The music you play. I'm also a liar.

Let's see here. What else I got? Blind. Blind bartenders. Is that blind bartenders? The solution to even the... Oh, no. This is from AJ.

Why does Vito hate blind people? Why do I hate blind people? What are you talking about? Well, I think because you were ripping on... I have a bit where I bring in Vito's Twitter, and you deleted the Twitter that I was going to bring in. Well, because I got... Well, you can remember what it was.

You were saying that Mr. Beast was a bad guy for curing all those blind people. Oh, that's true. I didn't say he was a bad guy. What did you say exactly? I said it's just what he's doing. There's no part of the video that's like addressing really the core issue. Blindness is the core issue. But like, yeah, blindness is the core issue, but it isn't solved by like, and here's a briefcase with $10,000 in it.

It's like it's solved in the video. The blindness is solved. There's literally multiple people that are no longer blind. Imagine it's hunger. But let's say that as you're doing that, instead of turning it into a ridiculous game show-esque spectacle where you throw money at poor people, why don't you get into the nitty gritty of how healthcare is broken in America? What's Mr. Beast going to be able to do about that, though? He literally has millions of kids watching it who are going to grow up and vote. He's in a position to influence them in a way.

Forget it. Whatever. You know what? Mr. Beast, just's in a position to influence them in a way. Forget it. Whatever. You know what? To vote Democrat? Mr. Beast, just make a ton of commies. That's it. Just tell everybody to be goddamn commies. They don't have to be commies, but they could.

They don't have to vote Democrat, but they could lean on Republicans to be like, hey, health care is important. Fuck you guys. I'm so— I knew it. I knew that's why you guys were pissed at him. AJ says, why does Vito hate blind people? I'm the blind threesome guy from your show.

I had to write because once again, you're right. Can you tell me the blind three? So you guys had a threesome, the two of you and a blind guy? No, he called into my show trying to have a threesome and he's blind. With you? No, with two women. Okay. That he knew.

He wanted tips on that. He wanted you to orchestrate. Oh, give you tips on how to trick them into doing it. Well, did Mr. Beast pay for him to not be blind? How did he trick them? Well, I mean, he's a blind guy. They're not going to do it on their own accord, right? Well, I mean, just because he's blind doesn't mean he's ugly.

Not Molly. Amazing trick. I had to write because, once again, you're right while Vito is dead wrong. I'm talking, of course, about the Mr. Beast video. Where to start? Obviously, this is just like every other Mr. Beast video. He does a crazy expensive stunt and makes a video about it. Vito says this is exploitative.

It's a little exploitative, yeah, obviously. Who's he exploiting? He's exploiting the misery of a bunch of poor people and going, Look at me. I'm the fucking hypercon. Okay, hold on. Hold the fuck on. Hold on.

Do you like those shows? How is it? No, I don't watch any of that stuff. But how is it that Mr. Beast doing it is exploiting them, but if the government did it, it's not? Yeah, because the government isn't asking you to give them money. What do you do? They're not giving you money, but they're not saying- No, the government just fucking takes it.

Remember, it's called taxes. They don't ask for shit. That's right. It's a transaction. They do take it. No, that's not a transaction. That's called fucking stealing. That's getting jacked. It's a transaction. They do take it Totally getting fucking jacked. I know is everybody's going Solving all our problems

Yeah, and just a thousand people if I had if I had his money I would have cured a thousand and one blind people. I said that joke on Twitter. Oh, did you? I think a lot of people made that joke. You would do more Star Wars videos. I mean, I might. Who knows? Vito says it's exploitative, but this is stupid and wrong.

Cataract, he's blind, too, so. How come Mr. Beast didn't fix his blindness? I don't know. Cataract, maybe he likes it. So you mr. Bees didn't fix his blindness. I don't know cataract. Maybe he likes it Maybe it's part of his Or maybe it's because one guy carrying a thousand blind people is like yeah fun drop in the bucket But in we not using that hold on a second So that same argument right that same argument is the argument that that like fucking conservatives and libertarians and shit make up against

Democrats or well not Democrats but socialists when they're like, just take the money from the billionaires. Well, if you take it all and you gave it to everybody, everybody would get a little bit of change and no one would fucking care. I'm saying that it's fine that he's doing it, but if he did it on top of, like, addressing the core issue. You don't know about the core issue. The fact that he's doing it makes people discuss the core issue. We're literally discussing the core issue. You don't know about the core issue. The fact that he's doing it makes people discuss the core issue.

We're literally discussing the core issue. Did he make people aware that blindness exists? I was only thinking Ukraine for the last six months. I was like, oh, fuck. Blind people are so real. Thanks for reminding me that blind people are out there, Mr. Beast. I'm just saying I don't see that there's not much of a greater good there. You don't see it, but the blind people do now.

What he did was cute. It's very cute what he did for his sponsors. And I'm sure it made them a lot of money. And he's going to sell a ton of fucking candy bars and whatever else. That's the most cynical thing I've ever fucking, how cynical? It's cute. He fucking cured a thousand people of blindness. Fucking candy bars and undercooked cheeseburgers and whatever else.

How can you survive with that kind of stasis? You're pissed about the cheeseburgers, right? It's like those stupid shows where they find a family and they build them a house and everybody's supposed to clap. That's right. They should have stayed out on the fucking goddamn street. Fuck that family. It's sick. I don't want to watch that.

I find it weird. Change the channel. No, I want to complain about it. I'm good. That's my job. I find it weird. Then change the channel! No, I want to complain about it. I'm good. That's my job. I love it. Cataract surgery runs about $2,500 per eye, and they were on camera for 10 seconds. Pretty good ROI, if you ask me.

But there's no winning with Vito. If blind people get their cataracts cured, they're being exploited. If they want to be able to play video games, they're entitled and should shut the fuck up. Blind people want to support Vito's work. I kind of agree about the shut the fuck up thing. Yeah. Everybody. He makes a comic book, the worst format for the blind. I'll make you

a braille version, you blind motherfucker. Calm down. You can read all the exciting action through dots like a weirdo. Send him a dildo. Yeah, just read it. It's covered in bumps. What the fuck?

Oh, no. There must be some kind of mix-up. There must be a message here somewhere. Blind people want to support Vito's work. He makes, yeah. Why does Vito hate the blind so much? I don't hate the blind. Mr. Beast, you called them cute.

I said the blind are cute? Yeah, he said it's cute that they got their eyes fixed I didn't say that It's a cute stunt Oh, did I say that just now? I probably did say that Mr. Beast has the resources to help people make an engaging video And start a conversation that everyone would hate or avoid if everyone else did it He's a goddamn hero

I want to tell Vito this to his face Someone offered me $5,000 to appear on a video I would say no because exploitation Love the show. Oh, there you go. Alright Um, okay You wanna go? You wanna do your problem? Well, I am the winner so I guess I gotta do my problem Yeah

My problem is It's a little dark My problem's like kinda Worse than making fun of blind people Getting their sight fixed I'm gonna say my problem is the Patient self-health assessment Are you aware of those?

Uh This is when you go to the doctor I don't even know what it is and I already agree This is when you go to the doctor And they give you a little questionnaire You have to fill out Oh yeah And the questionnaire is full of questions

That you're like this is not why I'm here I don't really want to address any of this Or they're like have you been eating Five fruits and vegetables every day And you're like well I'm not going to tell you the truth Because then you're going to lecture me It's the lecture report It's telling the doctor what lecture you want

While you're here And the more things you say no about, the longer the lecture is going to be at the end. Or like you go to the dentist and it's like, well, do you floss three times? And you're like, yeah, sure, absolutely. It's the need to lie to

your doctor. Wait! Do you brush and floss? Yes. It's the need to lie to your doctor. I do brush and floss, but clearly I don't floss.

I don't believe it works. No, it's a trick. Flossing. I do. And I recently went to a doctor because I've got some dental work that I want to get done. I've got some chips and stuff. And he went and did the whole mold thing and stuff.

And he's like, oh, you have really good dental hygiene. And I'm like, sick. My teeth hurt so bad that it's hard for me to eat. It's because you're not flossing, I guess. My teeth feel fine. I never go to the dentist. So I don't know what I did. The big thing on that questionnaire, though, is always like, do you have any thoughts of

harming yourself or others? Oh, I see why it was dark. Here we go. Others? They left those two together? I don't know. I think so. I have nothing in common with these people. In the back of my mind, I go, well, of course I want to harm everyone I see and

myself and whatever else. But when the nice Asian nurse lady is going through the questionnaire and she goes, you know, well, have you been having any suicidal thoughts? You're like, no, we're good. Not until you put that idea in my head. Anything can happen. It's really, it really is the, you can't be honest with your doctor, I guess, is the problem. For a number of reasons. You can't be honest with your doctor, I guess, is the problem.

For a number of reasons. Like one of which is, you've had this problem where you're like, I just want some like Ritalin or Adderall or whatever else. Morphine. Yeah, whatever, anything. Yeah, actually, yeah. And it's like, do you need it? And you're like, I don't know. I think so.

Well, that's the other thing. Yeah. Bring me that little chart. You see that guy on the end that looks like in constant pain? I'm going to draw another one right over here. Just drill his fucking eyes out like a serial killer. But it's this weird psychological game you have to play to be like, yeah, you know, I just need it for like, you know, to focus and stuff. Not because I'm a madman who wants like something to keep me up so I can make a stupid comic

book all night long. Yeah. Yeah. The last time I went to the doctor, she called me fat and then said, well, I think you have a substance seeking. Because I came in looking for Adderall. I've been getting it illegally for so long, I thought I would try to go straight. Try to go straight. Try to get just a prescription.

And I just described all the symptoms that I read off the thing. You know, they're all true. But whatever. She's like, oh, yeah, I got to write you down for like drug seeking behavior. And you're fat. And how much do you work out? And I said, six days a week. And she goes, yeah, you're BMI.

I'm like, well, I mean, do I fucking look fat? You dumb bitch. BMI is a load of shit. Yeah, that is like A weirdly Outdated Yeah because like It says that dudes That lift

Like dudes that are like You know below 7% body fat That are like Bodybuilders It's like oh you're fat No I'm not that

It's literally just height by It's like height by weight Right Yeah And then they sent me To the psychiatrist And they said we're full And I said alright well I guess I'll go home i mean i didn't want my problem to be this broad

but it's just literally is going to the doctor is the worst thing ever because you're right i try to get an appointment and i'm like okay our next appointment is like two months out i'm like jesus christ okay fine first i tried to go to my original doctor and they were like we we uh because you haven't seen us Long enough Or whatever That we aren't accepting you anymore Like we took you off As a patient

Yeah And meanwhile I'm like listen I have a bladder infection Or something Something's wrong When I pee I don't know what it is

Okay Something is wrong You didn't want your problem To be this broad You're saying I'm just gonna go through the nightmare that I'm going through Okay I thought I had a bladder infection

I hate going to the doctor So that I have fish pills that I take Whenever I get an infection Cause did you know that the Antibiotics you get for fish Are the same as the antibiotics you get for humans Yes we're the ivermectin people I know all the animal medicine

That works for humans So first I have to go To the aquarium store To buy And the guy is showing me all the aquariums And all the little like castles And I have to pretend to be interested And I go yeah I might get one of those

Hey by the way do you guys have amoxicillin And he goes it's not for you right I'm like no it's Clearly I'm a man who's interested in castles And artificial reefs and little jewels I just did that whole thing with you. Clearly I'm a man who has fish and then I have to look up. You get amoxicillin from the.

From the. From the pets. From the fish aquarium guy. Yes. Because I don't want to go to the doctor to get it because it's like a pain in the ass. You're going to fucking. You got to go in. What is it gonorrhea?

No, I don't know what I have. It's a prerequisite for that. All I know is I took fish pills for a week and it didn't help. So then I have to go to the actual doctor. Oh, right. Well, yeah, that's like how long a course of antibiotics is. So I took fish pills for a week. All right.

I started wanting to explore coral reefs and I realized that I needed to get off the fish pills. Right. So then I go to the doctor and I go, listen, uh, you know, I have these problems, you know, and I could tell the doctor didn't want to look at my, my testicles. Cause I was like, it's just like a pain in my like testicles. He's like, yeah, I don't know. It might be so well, I'll just give you a thing. And I'm like, well, do you want to look, do you want to like, do you want to like feel

him or anything? He's like, I want to look like I could tell he did not want to look? Do you want to feel him or anything? Do you want to look? I could tell he did not want to see my penis. I mean, isn't that kind of the wanting part? He's a doctor. If I tell him there's a weird pain in my testicles, he should want to see it, right? How is he going to see? Like a rubber band around your testicles? You know that they're inside your ball sack.

He's not going to see them. Well, can he like... You're like, can he just fish around on them for a bit? I don't know. You know, I sat out there for 20 minutes. He said my microscope is broken. I would like a second pair of eyes

is what I'm saying. So then I got to get the dance of trying to get this Asian guy to look at my dick and he won't do it. So then I got to get a bunch of... I got to go in for like an ultrasound. They're going to scan my balls now.

Which sounds, this is gonna be exhausting. And in the meantime, there's this Asian lady who keeps asking me if I want to kill myself. And I'm like, well, after this fucking experience, yes. After the rigmarole of I don't know what's wrong with my areas.

And no one can tell me what's wrong and all the appointments are like three months out so how long have you been dealing with this uh testicle pain like a like a month two months i don't know is it constant no it's just like when you pee yeah whenever i go to pee i'm like how my balls don't have any pee in your testicles though no there's no that's true so i don't know what it is there's no. That's true. So I don't know what it is. There's no blood in my urine. I know that. You want to get them out and maybe there's a doctor watching. No, no, no, no, no.

So all of a sudden now you don't want someone looking at your testicles. No, no, I don't want to look at his testicles. I don't care what he wants. And then they tell me I got high blood pressures. Now I got a blood pressure machine in my house that's connected to the cellular fucking network. Was that a surprise to you? No, it was not a surprise. I'm like, of course I have. I don't know what I have. Just a million things. That's the other thing.

I have like a million things probably wrong with me and the doctor's only got so much time. It is a core morbidity, I'm sure. So now I gotta link myself up to a machine that sends my blood pressure to this guy once a day wirelessly through the cell. Like literally it's got like a cell wirelessly through the cell. Literally, it's got

a cell phone inside it. Yeah. Going to the doctor is my problem. That's just going to the doctor? It's a whole lot more than just that little list. There's a lot going on. Oh, and then they

got me an appointment with a psychiatrist or something. Psychiatrist? What are they going to do? Send him home, apparently. Hopefully give me some Ritalin. Get you on that maid program in Canada. The other thing is that I was getting something. It's not like Ritalin, but it's close enough or whatever. But I was getting it through telehealth.

You call in, and then an old man in Ohio is like, how are you feeling? I'm like, still sad. And he's like, okay, here's more pills. And then they decided that you're not allowed to prescribe Ritalin through telehealth anymore. You have to see

an actual psychiatrist. Yeah. Yeah. Because we were all gaming the system, I guess. I was getting all those drugs that I wanted

and take anyway. What a nightmare. So yeah, I had trouble picking my problem, I guess. I've been kind of a mess Sounds like the least

Of your problems But uh Yeah going Going to the doctor It's just uh It's no fun Oh yeah And then the

Little Asian lady Said well How much do you drink I said a lot Yeah Like almost every day You said that though Cause I always tell them

I tell them 100% truth. Yeah. Every time. She's like, would you do any other drugs? And I say, yeah, all of them. That's why they're not giving you anything. Because that's why they think it's drug seeking behavior. Because you tell them you did drugs.

Do you think you could cut it down by next time? The drinking? And I said, yeah. When they ask if you do drugs, do you tell them, yes, I do drugs? Yeah. Well, then they're not going to prescribe you anything. I mean, fuck them. I'm playing the game correctly. I'm just going to have to go get it illegally then, I do drugs. Yeah. Well, then they're not going to prescribe you anything. I mean, fuck them. I'm playing the game correctly.

I'm just going to have to go get it illegally then, I guess. I guess that's true. It's going to continue to happen. Everything's just going to be normal, right? Yeah. Everything will be normal. And the doctor will know I do all this stuff. In case something bad happens, they can be like, oh, he does a bunch of shit.

Yeah. I want my file to be fake. I think that you're making the right decision. Thank you. Telling the truth to the doctor? No, you're just lying the whole way through. I don't think that's right. Well, I guess it hasn't really worked for me either. I think maybe you should lose some

weight. I know, and that's what they want to talk about, and I'm going to do it, and I'm on it, and it's happening. I got to get that semi-glutide, and I'm going to do it, and I'm on it, and it's happening. I got to get that semi-glutide, and I forgot to bring it up, too. Oh, okay. That's another thing I don't even know if they prescribe it through the health insurance I got. There's all these

different rules about what your health insurance covers or doesn't cover, you know? Yeah, because my sister was trying to get me hooked up with the semi-glutides. The semi-glutides. Imagine how bad his doctor stories are going to be in like 30 years. I can't wait. When every part of me is broken.

Phil, you want to do your problem? Phil, what's your problem? My biggest problem is people that vote and have no clue who they're voting for. I have a problem with the people that like when they go out and do the man on the street, I have a problem with the fact that the man on the street is allowed to vote because they don't know a goddamn thing. And they prove it every time

they go out there. You can talk about anything at all, and people have no idea. And then you've got like morons that have no idea that are celebrities saying, look, you gotta get out there and vote. And then you've got like morons that have no idea that are celebrities saying, look, you gotta get out there and vote. And it's like, you are a moron and you're telling

other morons to go out and vote for shit that they don't know what they're talking about. And it's like, people basically treat voting like religious people treat prayer. They're just like, I hope I get this. There is no fucking guarantee that the guy you're voting for, a girl you're voting for,

that's making promises about making your life fucking awesome, they are not going to do that goddamn shit. They're fucking lying to you. They're not going to do any of that shit. And even if they try, there's going to be someone else on the other side that's like, fuck that shit. We're going to fuck up his day and it ain't going to happen anyways. So what you're going to do

is you're going to put assholes into fucking Congress that have fucking no business being there that are just going to suck up money from fucking lobbyists what you're going to do is you're going to put assholes into fucking Congress that have fucking no business being there that are just going to suck up money from fucking lobbyists or they're going to get themselves into a position where they can fucking make fucking trades in the stock market based on laws they're going to pass. They're just going to fucking milk the system.

They're all fucking scum. And so I don't like the fact. Do you even vote? Do you vote at all? I do. But why? Because it's all a trick, you know?? Do you vote at all? I do. But why? Because it's all a trick, you know? Because I like lying to myself. I believe that I'm going to live forever too, so fucking You feel good?

Yeah, I did some. Well, I mean, I read I read about shit and I at least know what I'm voting for. Yeah. So I'm like, alright, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to make a difference and then I walk out and I'm like, that's just a fucking asshole. It's impossible to even figure out what the, like, they're the, you know, everybody knows the top guy running. But then there's, God forbid, there's a woman.

Comptroller, assistant comptroller. Yeah, then you go down and you're like, I don't have the fucking time to go through all these. And so they just go down and they're like, my team, they're, you know, it's like, I'm voting for my team. It's team sport. They all do. And that's 90 of the

people that vote or the propositions where they're worded like would you like to not let give a would you like to not repeal an amendment yeah for the research of psilocyclobin and i'm like do i want to not repeat i i mean i think no if you vote for this you will save 75 000 in no. If you vote for this, you will save $75,000 in taxes. And if you vote against this, your children will be taken from you in the night and brutally murdered by robots. Yeah. And you're like, ah. And then I see a pass and I'm like, oh, the mushroom one failed. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

I voted for the wrong side and I was really paying attention on that one. Fuck. I love when there's two candidates, but they're both on your team. So you have to, like, try and figure out who would be better at the job based on the brief description. All right. This guy wants to be the district attorney. One of them is a former softball coach and the other one fought in the robot wars. And you're like, oh, shit.

Softball. Maybe you would make for a good guy. I don't know. All right. Because the ones I was before, I was like, he's a businessman. I'm like, yep, him.

He was a teacher. Nope, other one. I tell you what, that's not so bad either, you know. But like, you look at like

that fucking guy, George Santos. Yeah. That congressman, he's the best. He's my fucking favorite now because he just, he's lampooned the whole thing.

He lied to everybody. And the lies were so blatant and just so just purely offensive they were just awful and that's why i said like what's his best he told everybody he told everyone that he was jewish right he like he santos right convinced everybody that he's jewish and then when they asked him afterward, I don't have the video, but I swear to God, he told, he's like, well, I'm not Jewish, but I am Jew-ish. I swear to fucking Christ. He said it.

He said it. I'm like, I love you. He's the only true politician. Absolutely. He's the only one that tells the truth because he's always lying. Well, I voted for Biden and he's never lied about anything. So that's been pretty good for me. I was worried about Fetterman because I was like, oh, that guy's like weapons grade retarded.

But then Santos showed up and I was like, ah, we got one of those guys too. Awesome. Send him in there. Take that other retard out. What's the solution For this uninformed voter Problem Global Thermonuclear War Yeah

Global Thermonuclear War I think you're probably right You gotta raise the system to the bottom Well you're never gonna convince people That they shouldn't vote As soon as you tell people you shouldn't vote, if you don't have the time to really dig into the issues and understand, you probably should understand your philosophy,

like kind of where you, like your actual real philosophy, not like what Jimmy Kimmel tells you you should think, which is what most people do. They're just like, oh, the funny guy says the funny thing. You know, it's like, so you should figure out a little bit of philosophy. You should know where the people that you're voting for stand. And then you should not vote for people that suck, which means a lot less people are going to vote. There's, I mean, there's rarely will there be people worth a crap, but that's like, this is like pie in the sky kind of shit.

I might as well be like, you know, I want unicorns to come down and just poop ice cream for everybody. That's like, it's, that's how realistic it is down and just poop ice cream for everybody. That's how realistic it is. How are you feeling about democracy these days, Dave? I think it's gone. What about feudalism? Why don't we just go back to that? We had a guy and maybe his kids are good at the job and if they're not, we kill them and put someone else's

kids in there, you know? I like the killing thing part. Every couple decades you're like, hey, we're gonna chop another guy's head off because he sucks at his job. And it's like, I need one vote. If we get one guy to vote for killing this guy, then we're good.

So if it was feudalism and this is, again, like, make-believe bullshit. This isn't, like, something that I'm endorsing. But if it's feudalism where, like, the society's like, fuck up, I dare you. And they'll just go cut his head off? Like, that where it's like okay you're the king but everybody else is gonna fuck you up if you screw shit up and then they just actually do it as opposed to just saying well we'll still vote

for you which is what basically happens like if you screw shit up we're not gonna vote for you but then they go vote for the team anyways yeah so. So if it was feudalism with, like, real consequences. Real consequences. Fucking up real bad. Maybe. You should just put, like, YouTube guys in charge of voting for everything. Because they fuck up a tiny bit, and then they get on and, like, cry. Like, their subscribers start going down.

Like, ah, ah, shit, shit, shit. I got to switch. I got to switch. Like, that's real representation, Phil. Like their subscribers start going down Like ah ah shit shit shit I gotta switch I gotta switch Like that's real representation Phil Do you really want the Ethan Klein Deciding who's gonna be the president Yeah we've got an Ethan Ralph

So they can go We gotta Sam Hyde The worst thing is on the convincing people Not to vote is it like It's quasi illegal Like you'll get all your accounts banned If you trick people into not voting On the convincing people not to vote, is it like it's quasi-illegal? Like, you'll get all your accounts banned if you trick people into not voting? Which seems like they're taking away a major arrow in our quiver.

I mean, it would be fun. You're talking about the guys who are spreading correct polling dates and stuff. Yeah, voting's on Wednesday. And people are like, oh, okay, yeah, voting's on Wednesday. It's like, that's very valuable. That's a very valuable election strategy. Yeah. Right? And you can't on Wednesday. It's like, that's very valuable. That's a very valuable election strategy. Yeah. Right?

And you can't do it. It's like, you guys just guarantee that. I thought this was America. Some very stupid people are voting. I would, I would, I would. Why? I'm not, I'm not big on democracy these days. Why not?

You're getting everything you want. All your guys are in power. See, you guys keep saying that. I don't think, I don't saying that I don't feel that way It's weird how the right You're on the right You guys are kind of the right, right? Yeah, probably

And you guys are always saying Oh, the left is controlling everything And they've got all the power or whatever else I feel like we're hanging on by a thread Let me tell you something, Vito The right Well, the left in the US Is actually kind of the right yeah

so like global like global left is not like internationally the left is not the same thing as the democrats like the democrats yeah and it used to be more so but like the democrats in the u.s used to be like well you know you should be able to own your home and and you should be able to own land and property. And that's cool. We're going to tax the shit out of you. But we'll tax you. And, you know, there's going to be a there's going to be unions and et cetera. The left left outside of the U.S., they're like, you can't own that because if you make a profit using that, that's exploiting people.

And so, fuck you. You can't own anything. That's the left. And the U..s doesn't really have very much left but like bolsheviks you say bolsheviks leninist fucking maoist all that bullshit but that's kind of what like aoc and her buddies are all about right yeah well i don't know i think that i think they're i think they're liars because you can't really say that i'm a socialist in the u.s yet but are, they're definitely socialists.

I mean, AOC is a member of the DSA, Democratic Socialists of America. Yeah. Does she even know? Is she like? I think that, I think that, I think most Democrats in the U.S., including people like AOC,

generally are not really, really leftists. They're more like everybody should have free healthcare. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think that most Democrats are like that. That's why I think that they're, even people that think they're on the left, they're not really everybody should have free health care yeah you know what i mean i think that most democrats are like that that's why i think that they're even people that think they're on the left they're not really on the left right like they're they're kind of on the right because

they're like yeah i'm i think that everyone should have health care but i'm not giving up my house you know they're still making money yeah i still want to have my i still want to own my business or i still want to own this thing or whatever even like barney sanders who was technically uh i mean he's considered like he considers himself socialist, right? Yeah, he does, but that's why he's independent. But he owns, like, three fucking houses. He's a millionaire. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's not going to give it all away. All the socialists in America, or not all of them, but most of the socialists in America, specifically the ones that have money, they're socialists, like, in, like, brand. They're, like, socialism TM. Yeah, socialism tm like you know or trade you know like it's like in court socialism incorporated it's a phony it's a it's a pose like the the aoc wearing that wearing that tax the rich shirt that is nothing but a pose because aoc is rich

right as soon as she got into congress you knew that she was gonna have money like granted she's when she's young and in congress she's going into it she has to start out so she has to get a fucking apartment and that's expensive and blah blah I understand that but within a few years she's won her second oh she's got a bunch of money now didn't you wasn't she wearing a fucking prom dress that was like twenty thousand dollars or that's the that's the uh the tax the rich dress yeah and it went to the she went to the democrat prom and her nicest 20,000 dress Yeah What about Hassan Piker

I've seen him Complaining about Mr. Beast And I'm like Okay but you're another guy Who like You have infinity money You don't do jack shit He's just pretty

I'm allowed to take Issue with Mr. Beast Because I don't have The money to do anything But if you have the money Like give an alternative Hassan You can't be like

Oh Mr. Beast is fucking up. I'm like, well, why don't you do something for the blunt? He's not going to do anything. He's all talk. He's just selling, like, an identity. Yeah, he's selling his face. He's, like, a model-looking dude. He's good-looking.

And he doesn't read. He's not informed. He just gets on Twitch and complains about Republicans and dunks on Republicans, which is, you know. I'm surprised that's popular. I'm surprised that, like, that has a following. He's pretty. Look at that man. It is just people just like to look at him.

He's the himbo, the socialist himbo. Because, like, all the right-wing guys who are popular, I'm like, I get it. Really? Yeah, because they're fun. What is fun about Matt Walsh going, what is a woman? And if I was, what's wrong with wearing, women shouldn't wear tight pants to the gym. That's a different thing. The Daily Wire is not really the fun guys.

Yeah, there's some who are fun and there's some who are just like reinforcing people's like. Watching conservatives makes me want to vote liberal like out of spite. Every single fucking one. I listen to like, you know, the thing about fucking one. I listen like, you know, the thing about trans kids, I'm like, oh, shut the fuck up for once. Where the fuck is our money? That's all I care about. Yeah, they have a

weird grift going on. But I don't know, like the leftist commentators are not having, like Trump was fun. Yeah. Trump was like the most fun guy. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, so I get why you know, people gravitate towards him. Yeah. Trump was like the most fun guy. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, so I get why, you know, people gravitate towards him. Yeah. And on the left, I don't see, you know, everybody's.

Why do you think you're hanging on by a thread? You guys have everything. Well, we're never going to get it back. Yeah, I don't know about that. I think you guys could win the next presidential, whatever. Those are my guys. You don't want another uniparty taking my money. What about that DeSantis guy or whatever?

He's a fucking dick. I hate that guy. Yeah. But he's doing a lot of what people want to have happen. I get it. No trans kids. Everybody's scared of the trans kids. I get part of that equation, you know?

The surgeries and the hormones are all very troubling. I know. and the hormones are all very troubling. What? I know. There's the thing that the thing with like trans kids or the whole like trans stuff is like if there are kids that are getting like that have like people

coming in between their parents and them so that way they can get medications and stuff like that. That shit's got to end. You can't have kids going to school and being like, get me testosterone if you're a girl,

or let's figure out a way to cut my boobs off. That I'm very against. Or make a make-believe penis or a make-believe vagina in kids that are under 18 without their parents knowing. If that's happening, that cannot happen. If you're an adult, do whatever you want. I think part of the problem though is that the kids find it online.

So they're talking about it anyway. I don't know. It's like very... Seems like fun. Cut your tits off, you know, have a pretend penis. As I've said, and tell me if you agree with this theory, I think goth erasure is one of the biggest problems in the universe because the weird kids used to just be goths. And they're like,

ah, I got it all out of my system. I don't got to cut anything off. I'll just put on the mascara and fucking laser braids and shit. Those kids were great. And now the goths are gone and the kids are like, I don't know what to do with my weirdo energy. Let's cut off all my stuff and take pills. And you're like, no, just go listen to fucking, I don't know, corn or some shit

and have fun with that or whatever. Go listen to the cure. I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. Dubstep is just not the same. Dubstep is like making you want to cut your penis off. Yeah. I like the Cyber Goths.

I thought they were cool. They were. That video, that iconic video of them under the bridge. Yes. With the fucking glow sticks. In the daytime. Anytime they set that to a new song, I'm like, it works with every song. It really works with Thomas the Tank Engine.

It really does. Do you think there's an issue of conservatives spreading themselves very thin with all of these? Because they all get sucked into trans shit. Like trans kids, you're saying all this stuff about cutting off their penis and getting on drugs. And I'm just like, well, I mean, I kind of just don't think we could fix more than a couple things. And I care about the money more than these kids that are going to get mutilated. But the emotion of the children are the easiest way to get votes, though.

I mean, obviously, people care deeply about children and the welfare of children. So I understand it just turns into a fucking mess. It's not the most efficient way to fix things. Do you think there's a problem with that? No. No? I don't think that there's a problem. And the reason I don't think there's a problem is because all of the things that are going on in schools,

I think are things that should be going on with children and their parents. And there are going to be people that are going to say, well, not every kid has parents. And I understand that. But I think that those kind of things are family issues that should be discussed with your family i think that i think that sex education in school should be akin to like a chilton's book like fixing things like this the parts and the anatomy and etc like this is how it works the the biology stuff all the other like how you should think social issues what you should care about, because really the, the, a lot of the,

the, the things that you're, you're discussing, like whether it be trans stuff or whatever, it's teaching kids that they should be activists or teaching kids this perspective. And I don't think that that's something that, that the school should be doing. I think that if you've got kids that you want to instill,

if you want to instill that kind of stuff in your kids, parents should do it. Families should do it. But I don't think the school should be deciding. And I definitely don't think that there should be the school stepping in between the parents and the children to teach them. So I don't think, and that's the thing that I'm concerned with when it comes to like trans stuff. And that's the thing that I think needs to stop. But I'm saying you're saying should, all this should be different.

We should fix it. And I'm saying like, look at the size that we've built of this giant federal school system. I think we should abolish the I'm a guy that now I mean, this is never going to like now the things it's like fixing it is like, well, that's fucking impossible. Why not? Just never going to why? Why? There's so much money in it. But the well, I mean, you're totally right about that. But if you can get, if you can get the, if there, if there, if it is possible to get

the politician, get politicians to actually do something, abolishing the Department of Education at the, at the cabinet level, because it is an objective failure. 1979 is when it was created and the scores have gone down every year since. And the money that it costs has gone up. It is a. Well, that second part is why it's never going to get abolished. Do you see what I'm saying? Yes, I do.

I understand that. So I'm like, yeah, I mean, oh, yeah, it sucks that their tits get cut off, but what the fuck am I going to do here? What? I'm going to go vote for Ron DeSantis? And it's like, oh, wow, now we're at war with China, too. Amazing. Well, you're in fucking California.

It doesn't fucking matter who you vote for because your vote is going to be whoever the Democrat liberal is. That's true. So I get that you're concerned about it. Don't worry. My vote is either between cocaine or ketamine. There you go. That's the only vote I get in California.

It is like, what do you do? Because all the women going to become teachers right now, even if you tell them you can't teach. And that's just, I mean, Even what you've just said is so bad Well they're all Are mostly Very liberal and they all have these Kind of wackadoo ideas They do

Even if you tell them hey you can't teach that It's like you know they're gonna sneak it in there I'm a girl boss It's still I don't know What do you do Lock them up I mean

Real close to Misogyny town here guys I'll wait till we get To my problem Just women That would be cheating Cause that would be Number one on the board

And we know We're not allowed To do that one The first person To do women as a problem Immediately wins Then the show is over Maybe Sean will bring it in We have to end the show If anyone ever does Women as a problem immediately wins Then the show is over Maybe Sean will bring it in

We have to end the show if anyone ever does women as a problem Just like that's it The biggest problems ever brought in it's over Gentlemen I regret to inform you I don't know man It's weird for me that I see some of what DeSantis Is doing with the schools and I go I get it but like

What can you really do At the end of the day? You're not going to read every book. He's like going to read every book and make sure not any one of them I'm like, I don't know. I mean, I don't expect the Santas to, but I do expect the teachers to read the books before they start

fucking teaching them. Think about what you're saying here. That's way too much. Yes, they're going to read every fucking book. Yes, they absolutely Should read every book They should know what the fuck's in them With no hesitation This is outrageous They don't even read to vote

Do you think they're gonna read every book for school I do agree that especially that transgenderism Is so complicated a topic That like teaching kids about it Is just like Actually evil In a way Well it's confusing them

Evil's not the right word But like the way they're teaching about it Where they're going That's the problem If I did a Rodney Dangerfield voice I could teach kids transgenderism In like 90 seconds But a lot of it is like pseudoscience

Hey yeah Wiener You could be a girl Whatever you Got a vagina You could be a boy Girl whatever Look at me I'm a girl hey now i'm a boy okay see ya but the problem is some of the books they teach legitimately just have like ideas that

it's like well that's not actually what's happening where they're like you know you were assigned your sex at birth it's like no the doctor accurate 100 accurately knew what your sex was and he wrote it down on a form. He didn't randomly pick it out of a hat. And the argument that'll come up will be like, oh, uh, there's intersex people and fair enough there are,

but there's about zero, a 0.02% of the population is actually like functionally intersex. So it's such, such a tiny, tiny amount of people that everyone else can act the way that we have and act normal, and we can make space for the intersex people and we can figure out a way to handle them.

There's not enough of them where the rest of society needs to stop using. There's not enough of them where the rest of society needs to put he, him, or she, her in their emails. Yeah. Do you think it's fun, though? Like, if you were a kid going to school,

you'd be like, like yeah I am trans actually You know there's kids Taking advantage I just saw a video The other day some guy Standing up standing Peeing the girls like there's a teacher Like blah blah blah and he's like and he's literally just like He's dressed like what you would

He is presenting as a male and he's Like I'm transgender what do you mean you can't Tell me I a male, and he's like, I'm transgender. What do you mean? You can't tell me I'm not transgender. As he's standing in the girls' room peeing, and there's another girl behind him like... Okay, I have been thinking about that so much. That stuff will happen. And if you say that it won't happen,

you're kidding yourself. That's going to happen, and it's going to happen more and more frequently. You've got Rachel Dolezal lying about her race. You've got Sean King lying about his race. You think that deviant dudes that are like, I want to sniff panties aren't going to be lying

about whether or not they're trans to sneak into the ladies room? That will be happening. I don't understand how these kids all have cell phone cameras and YouTube is not full of kids being like, today I'm deciding to be a woman to fuck with my teachers. Because on TikTok, aren't they?

The lips of TikTok literally puts up the videos that you're talking about. I want the kids who are, like, doing it as a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want the kids who are just, like, funny and whatever. And they're like, today, my name is Sandy Two Shoes. And I like to dance. And my teachers can't say shit about it. We got to adopt a kid.

We got to adopt a Ukrainian kid like Andy Milonakis and give him an earpiece. And I like to dance and my teachers can't say shit about it He would be so Any 15 year old kid Who just like you know Wear a bra outside your fucking outfit And just go into school and go I'm a lady ooh I'm having my period today Oh lordy And he would be

You would be the most popular kid on YouTube. Stop making Minecraft videos and just go troll your idiot teachers who can't tell you no because they don't know how. I mean, you would think that you're here on a show with Dick and you would think you'd

know what YouTube does to people that do that kind of stuff. Exactly. And TikTok is even worse. Yeah, the reason that it doesn't happen is because it's too funny, and YouTube can't have that. Culture has been totally shredded by payment processors and tech platforms. It's really a fucking shame what they've done. We could have that all day.

We could have a whole channel of little boys pretending to be girls for jokes. Oh, God, that sounds terrible. Disavow, disavow. Spring period blood everywhere. All right, hey. It's me, Jazzy Jeff the F-slur. That one guy. Washington Elementary School.

We're both 12 years old, by the way. So you're a fucking pedophile. Awesome. We're sponsored by Camel Cigarettes. Get fucking wasted this weekend. But we can't have any of that. And you know why we don't have that? Because they banned Sam Hyde before the kids could get indoctrinated.

Okay, here's my problem. Great problem. Uninformed voters. Deep fake consent. I put morons here, but I don't know. Maybe that's a little deep fake consent. Cry babies. Yeah, cry babies.

Disavow. You're allowed to disavow. That's a very common thing to do on this show. Phil, I'm deep faking you in my brain computer right now. Oh, no. Naked with Vito. You guys are, yeah, you're doing that. You're sucking cocks.

Oh man. Are you violated? Do you feel fucking violated? I don't. But I'm, I'm also, I'm also aware that there's a difference between men and women. Yeah. Women bitch about pretty much everything. I mean, I mean I mean

there's a difference look at this fucking deep fake a stop talking and I just fucking or is it whatever he's a left this is or is it Muhammad or is it the prophet all right fucking deep fakes are the West feminist version of the drawings of Muhammad that we're not going to be able to do. These broads are going to single-handedly. You know, we're in California. I don't have a gun with me here, so stop that stuff. We'll 3D print you one.

Hey, leave me alone. Islam can't figure out if I'm joking or not either. Like, I don't know. That guy is awfully haram, but I think he's joking. Do you want to put this in context? What happened this week, Dick? Wasn't somebody deep faking pornography? This guy, I don't know.

I don't remember what his name is. He clicked on a link to look at a deep fake. Well, supposedly he paid for a Patreon of a person who deep fakes. I think he paid for it. Yeah, I think he might have been paying for it like it was behind a paywall. He lied. He clicked on a thing and saw a drawing of Pokimane naked or something like that. I think it might have been a video.

I don't know. I'm trying to find my quotes. There was a man and he takes the photos or the likenesses of certain E! celebrities and he puts them on pornography. Yeah, like he cuts their head out and pastes it on them. It's been happening for a long, long time just in photos as opposed to live action. Now it's just that it can happen in live action. It happens in live action right up here, though.

I'm doing it right now. I think you've got to gotta kinda accept it as like Now if you charge for it I understand that somebody can come after you legally That's illegal Yeah well that's That guy I think I'm like Don't charge for it

You're gonna get in trouble But that's That's not why they're saying They're upset No they're saying they feel violated People are saying they're upset Because this is a violation They're comparing it to sexual assault They're saying my This is a violation. They're comparing it to sexual assault.

They're saying my, this is, I brought in some quotes here. Yeah. I, look, you're, go ahead. Yeah. Moist critical. You can just say it's a foul. It's illegal in a few states. I thought it was a blanket thing, but only in a few states.

It's not illegal everywhere. Yeah, it's not parody. You're creating non-sens illegal everywhere. It's not parody. You're creating non-sensual content. If it was a parody, nude. If I was getting fucked up the ass satirically,

then it's fine. This is not parody, she says. You're creating non-consensual content. Impossible to determine what's real porn of someone that didn't give you permission. It's not parody unless they made it very clear. It's impossible to determine what's real porn. Yeah, but you know it's not real.

It's a drive. Are you saying it's going to harm their reputation because then people are going to think they did real porn? I don't think anybody signing up for it knows it's fake. It's a different type of lawsuit. Most people know it's fake. I want to scream, stop. Everybody fucking stop. Stop spreading around.

Being seen naked against your will should not be a part of this job. Who is that? The first girl, cutie Cinderella. Being seen naked against your will should not be a part of this job. You are not naked. That is a drawing. Or it was someone else. Someone else's body.

Someone else's body. It was Riley Reid's body or whatever. Your face was put on the... Well, I said on Twitter, first of all, as men, we can't understand this idea. Because if you told me, Vito, right now there's a porno video of you and everyone's loving it and jacking off to it. I would go, this is awesome. Like there's a bunch of guys who are like, oh man. Does it have my cell number at the bottom?

So girls that might want it can go ahead and get a bunch of weird guys. Like that's hilarious to me. Obviously the girls. I think guys can't understand it because I would pay you know X amount to see her naked actually. Yeah. And I'm getting it for free. Well it's the thing of if you're a celebrity you have to

kind of understand that especially if you're a female celebrity part of your appeal is your sex appeal. Yeah. How many ugly female celebrities are you following right now? A lot. Not a lot. Shut up. Sweet Anita says, this story was how I found out that I'm on the website.

I literally chose to pass up millions by not going into sex work, and some random Cheeto-encrusted porn addict solicits my body without my consent. Well, again, it's not her body. It's just her face. Yeah. This sounds like. I mean, unless they actually like. Actually, no, because there's those. Have you guys seen like the AI?

Well, I don't know if they're AI. They're virtual influencers. Yeah. So on Instagram, there's like chicks that aren't real. Yeah. That are created virtually. And now you can. I saw the other day, like, anime

looking AI created ones the only way you can tell is it doesn't quite get hands right yet, but everything else is just like, as like, exaggerated and like, anime titties or whatever, I'm just like, Jesus um, I mean, that literally made me forget where I was going, I couldn't believe it

Well, I was gonna say, what if these women, okay you don't want to be in porn, but would you be willing to license your face out for an official deepfake pornography? What if some of these ladies were like, well, you know, it's not really me. I will license my face to the technology, and then you can get pornography of me. That actually is very smart. Yeah. The ladies don't actually have to do it

But the the framework the legal framework for licensing your likeness for that kind of stuff probably has to be created I think this is a good middle ground. It goes well. Hey, you get to benefit from it And it's not really like you're in porn It's just like you've agreed to be you know, whatever also, but I like I was saying You know, should I feel bad because I jerked off to Kirsten Dunst after Spider-Man 3? Like, no. Apparently, yeah. You know, and that I, you know.

And some of them are saying yes. Printed out a still from the movie and I put boobies on it or whatever, cut out her head. And like, it's kind of, you just kind of accept that. There's no excuse for it, this guy says. The only part I would be upset about is that I'm not making money from it. Yeah. I'm not defending it in any way Yeah. Uh, I'm not defending it in any way. I think this whole category of stuff is wrong. He said, um, it's a little much

for me, but also I'm going to say this, you know, we always talk about the Japanese model of you kind of look past the, uh, the fan porno comics, right? Yeah. So you put out Dragon Ball, and you're like, hey, I made a bunch of sexy characters, but I would never draw them naked, and I'm sure none of my fans would either. And then the fans draw the characters naked, and it helps sell the original comic. Yeah. And creates like an enduring fucking thing. Like, Overwatch is the shittiest fucking video game ever. Is it?

Yes, it's terrible. I've only seen the porn. Exactly, because everybody can take the 3D models out of the game and have them suck the shit out of each other, and then Overwatch has this huge community that it doesn't deserve because the game is garbage, but everybody loves the pornography. Yeah. So these women, if anything, should recognize,

hey, this kind of keeps me in the public eye. It kind of makes me an attractive asset. And I can just be like, I don't know anything about that. I've never seen any of this. I feel like you guys have never met real women. I feel like I've met real women, and they don't understand the importance of building your personal brand and monetizing it. Because if I was-

I know they hate all 10 of the Bill of Rights. That's what I know about women. More than likely. Yeah, one through 10 hate all 10 of the Bill of Rights. That's what I know about women. More than likely. Yeah, 1 through 10. If I was... They could name one of them. I wish they hated the 19th. How much money did she say she passed up on for doing porn?

Millions. Millions. Okay, yeah. So that's... I know women. That's the problem, though, is that they go, I passed up on millions to not do porn. And now they're getting in for free. And I go, what are you, an idiot?

Why would you pass up on millions to not do porn. And I go, what are you, an idiot? Why would you pass up on millions for anything? If I was an attractive woman and I could do pornography, I would do it every day of my life forever. I wouldn't care. You could put anything in any order of this. I would take the money and have a great fucking time with it. But I can't do that because I'm a disgusting

guy. The money these women are making on OnlyFans, I go, if you don't have an OnlyFans, I don't get it. Why not? Look, the ones, the girls that are, like, not happy about this. Are already making crazy money. Yeah, they're definitely not broke. You know, it's not, it's like, for them, it's like, they could make millions more, yeah,

but I'm sure that they're making good money where it's like, alright, it's not worth it, and, you know, I don't know that they're making millions, but I imagine if, like, I know Pokemon, and Pokimane is making millions, you know. But, like, I don't know, like, Sweden Need is probably making a lot, a lot of money. Well, Pokimane knows. And they're embarrassed by a computer drawing of them, and they're turning it into this big legal thing, which is going to turn into, oh, well, actually,

now we're going to have to put a bunch of constraints on. I just think if you're a millionaire from making this kind of content or however much you're making, you just look the other way. You know what? I don't like it, but how damaging is it to you, what, to your psyche, to the idea that guys are jerking off to you? I could understand if it was like porn where a guy's hitting you in the face with a hammer. You'd be like, well, I don't like that.

I mean, look, you know that it's out there. And so some dude's got like his camera over his shoulder, dick in hand, the porn so they can see it. They're shooting a video and they're sending it to him. You know there's scummy dudes doing that. Yes. You know it. Yes. Yeah.

Beyond that, that's okay. That's legal. Just, you know, close your DMs. Sexual harassment is a crime. This was Keemstar's take on it. Deepfake porn is sexual harassment, so it's a crime. That's where we're going.

I don't think that it's sexual harassment, though. Well, it's not illegal right now, but deepfakes are prohibited by every payment processor and even the shady ones. They prohibit them. You're talking about deepfake pornography in particular? Yes. So we're hitting an inflection point where not only is it barred basically by payment processors, but we're gearing up, it seems like to me, for a banning or a legalization of deep faking technology in general. I understand making it.

I mean, it already should be illegal to sell. You don't own their likeness. I think under existing laws, it is already illegal. It definitely should. I definitely think that it should be illegal to sell it. I don't existing laws, it is already illegal. It definitely should. I definitely think that it should be illegal to sell it. I don't even think you need a new law. It's just literally you have the right to your likeness. You can't. I can't make... What about a parody?

Arnold Schwarzenegger. Parody is the one exception. Well, that's kind of a... I mean, we're not so clear on that in America. Japan has parody. Porn, shit, all of it. They don't fucking care. Japan's the greatest country on Earth. Yeah. A guy told me it's so dangerous Japan has parody porn shit all over they don't fucking care Told me it's so dangerous because

And it's an a trial in a criminal trial somebody could fake Evidence yeah, yeah, I said yeah, you can already do that, bro. You just go like yeah, I saw that guy doing Need a fucking computer Well You can make more Convincing evidence Everybody Like Eyewitness testimony Is extremely

Like they Really take it With a grain of salt Like you have to have Multiple people Saying the same thing Before Because if it's just

One witness They're just like Look man I thought I saw Some shit too One time But no Look I understand

Crying Because you're not Getting a cut of the sweet lucre. I get that. Because guys are jerking off for free. Guys are jerking off and you're not getting the money. So that's not okay. And I get that you can be uncomfortable with it, obviously. You know, I don't want to see that. You're supposed to be.

But again, it's one of these things where like, how much sympathy can I have for a streamer who makes you know Some of these guys make it 500k millions a year and I go. Yeah, let's just let it go I don't know like you guys are still like releasing guys dms to you though, right? Like while you're crying about a computer drawing you is that still happening where everybody's parading around these embarrassing dms that guys sent? Because that's an actual consent violation what you're describing is just a drawing. I would just be, again, I could go, look, I'm uncomfortable.

I don't want to talk about it. I know it's out there. I know people are beating off to my image. Yeah. You know, and we're just here to have fun, homely fun. And that guy who made a million dollars selling porn of me, I'm taking him for every dollar he's worth.

That's fine. That's fine. Yes. That's fine Yes That's fine It's the I can't believe anyone would jerk off to me Where I go Really? Sick and wrong

You can't get there Like you can You think these guys are just sending you money Because you're that good at Minecraft? How many tier 3 subs do you have? How many tier 3s? Yeah So now we finally cracked their code

I can't believe We can get it for free These guys cracked their code. I can't believe that these guys want to fuck me. I can't believe they would find me sexually attractive. It's like, okay. I mean, yeah, I get why, like, women are like, that's gross. Like, it makes sense. I understand. It's gross, yeah.

Being uncomfortable. But I think, again, they're in a position where, like, aren't you in a fine enough position? Is it really, like, you know, racking your days or whatever? I don't know. It's a fucking drawing. It's a computer drawing. It's in the way.

It's like a drawing. Let them sue. Let them sue. They should sue and they should win. Get your dollars. We're going to lose it. I know. I can see this.

Oh, yeah, that's illegal. That's got to be illegal. We're losing everything eventually because, like, everyone's going That's gotta be illegal We're losing everything, eventually Because like, everyone's gonna be in the pod I wanna start a deepfake porn company And we pay, and we license People's faces What if I look at a naked guy

Or use dead people What if I have to look at one AI of Vito naked And then I get to see like a good one Is that No I don't think you're gonna I don't think anyone's buying it I don't think anyone's gonna be

Not convincing anyone What about What if we What if we made a historical Porn company Like all these guys Are in the public domain So it's like

Teddy Roosevelt Fucking like Marie Antoinette Or whatever You know Map And it looks like Pokemane Both of them do

Yeah sure Why not Both of them do I mean Why not Both of them do I mean you use like The faces from like Historical You take like Abraham Lincoln's face

And you put it on a guy So you're mad at a guy right And you're like Oh yeah I fucked your wife right You're all pissed off And the guy will be like Oh man

How would you put that idea In my mind And now In the future he's like Oh yeah here you go Fucking do this picture There you go That's me fucking your wife, right?

And he goes, that's a sexual violation of my wife and my privacy. You're going to jail, buddy. That's the exact same thing that you just did, but you're going to jail. It's illegal now. We'll see. It's a very complicated situation. Not for me. I heard that after that guy was crying, though, everybody was like, what?

There's fucking fake porn out there and then the guy Who was making it was making like $10,000 Before his page got taken down Like the guy that was crying it's like You're sitting like fine Like if you feel bad about it and stuff But on stream with your mom Over your shoulder you're a grown ass man

That's his mom or his girlfriend? I heard it was his mom That's his mom? So he's like literally crying on the internet That's his mom or his girlfriend? I heard it was his mom. That's his mom? I think so. So he's like literally crying on the internet with his mom looking over his shoulder. Mom crying too. It's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? All that dude had to say.

What are you doing, man? Yeah. Like you can be sorry without making yourself look like a complete asshole. You know? There's no excuse for what I did? What do you mean? There's a lot of excuses. There's a lot of great ones.

I made a stupid mistake. I would just say I was dreaming. Someone told me there's a bunch of porn of my friends. Dick, if you told me there's a porn video, I've watched Mr. Girl's porn video. So if you tell me there's porn of my friends, I go, well, I don't really want to see it, but I'm going to click over real

quick. Yeah, if it was porn of me, I would watch it. I'm like, what the hell? I don't remember doing, oh, I remember that. All he had to say was, listen, I heard there was porn of my friends, and I was like, I wonder how real it looks, and then I saw it, and I was disgusted, and I clicked off. That's all he had to say. I watched Ralph's porn. No one is upset that everyone watched

Ralph's porn. I did not watch Ralph's porn. No, everybody, everybody's upset about computer drawings of Pokimane and all these women, but no one is upset about Ralph's sex tape that got dropped. That got leaked? Yeah. That's true. Anyway, that's my problem. It's not fair that his sex tape leaked, and there's no sympathy for Ethan Ralph.

There's no sympathy for Ethan Ralph. I'm surprised they're not deep faking him and oh god, why am I putting any ideas in their fucking heads? I'm not surprised. Okay, what are our problems? Our problems are going to the doctors. Going to the doctor and uninformed voters.

Uninformed voters. Great show, guys, I think. It's too bad we can't manipulate the uninformed voters more. That's the whole game can't manipulate the uninformed voters more. That's the whole game, right? We're trying. I don't know. It's hard to tell them what to do.

Well, guys, don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. We're also going to be recording a bonus episode, the biggest problem in Black History Month. Which was your idea. It's a good one. I didn't think it was a good idea. I didn't want to do it. I will be here. Yeah, I don't want to do this.

I don't want to. Phil is wisely skipping out on that one. I will not be here. Look, we always do a themed episode, you know, when it was like July. Yeah, but you were like right away, you texted it to me and you put it on Twitter. Black History Month. I was like, ah. And then I went on Twitter and you're like, we're doing Black History Month.

We do a lot of holiday ones. Didn't we do Biggest Problem and Christmas or holidays or whatever? The context is a little fucking different. We're not black. We don't even have a black guy. Do we have to do blackface to do it? Do you want to get a black guy before we do the bonus episode? Where would I find a black guy?

Where do I find a black eye at this point? Where do I find a black eye at 8pm? They're not awake until midnight. I don't know. Okay, thank you, Phil. I don't know if you... We're gonna play voicemails now. What are you... Yeah, what are you... What's going on? Oh, he's got a phone call. It's the doctor.

The doctor heard that he didn't want to be there. They're like, listen, what are you talking shit on the internet about me, bitch? They're diagnosing his ball cancer. Oh. I mean, he got up. Like, now I'm like, what if something bad actually happened? He got up, left the stream to go be on the phone. I know.

Do I have any recording devices in my house that we could listen in on? I hope not. Okay. Where can people find you? On the internet? I am Phil that remains. The band is all that remains. You can find us on Spotify and on the, on the Apple music.

And there's a bunch of stuff on our YouTube page and we've been around for a while. So we're out there. And I will be—I'm on Tim Pool's, on TimCast fairly regularly. I'm not here doing all that remains things, but I'm going to go back to the East Coast and be on Tim's next week sometime soon. You're a regular on Tim Pool? I will be a regular. I'm not going to be every night.

You better be careful. His regulars, they have bad things happen to them. You know, the thing— Are you Well no the thing is They have They have things they're hiding In their past Yeah I have I have like 20 years

Of being the guy From All That Remains And there are plenty of people At the metal blogs That hate my fucking guts Yeah That have dug around Looking for anything

That I could They could possibly bring up Everyone Jazz history Well I'm all You know I, I'm in my 40s, and so that means that I've definitely said the F slur, you know, back in the day, and some not in the back in the day.

Yeah, like all the time. So like, there's not like any secret kind of thing. Like I kissed a dude once, so it's not like there's no like, there's not going to be like he came out and he did this weird thing. It's like, I don't have any kind of... You're not lying about your metal credentials.

No, no, I definitely know. I've been on brand for Tim's. I've definitely got... We're putting a 10th record out and we're making metal stuff, so there's no... I'm aware of the... But Eliza Blue thing, what do you think about that? It's a drag.

For whom? For her, definitely. Oh, man. drag for whom for well for her definitely for her definitely um like i think like to me it's a drag because like i don't know her like other than like uh like we're mutuals and i've talked to her on the internet like we never hung out or like we don't have a history or anything um i was friendly with her jeremy from the quartering has been super friendly uh i'm to her or to you to me to you um he's cool i like that guy i've been on Chrissy Mayer's podcast I think Brittany Venti's great So like I kind of was

Hot too I've had like positive opinions Of all the people I've never done that I've had a positive view Of like everybody involved That's a conservative downfall to me Like they always say the left eats their own I've never done that. I had a positive view of everybody involved. That's a conservative's downfall to me.

They always say the left eats their own. It's like, no, they're just vetting. I'm back. What do you think is going to happen with Eliza? Are you all right? Yeah, I'm good. Okay. You sure?

Wait, what happened to Eliza? Who's Eliza? That woman that's lying about being sex trafficked? Oh, God. I haven't been, like, completely following that. I haven't either because it's long and short of it. People are saying that she might be the sex trafficker herself. You know, I can't confirm. Oh, yeah, she talked about, like, giving a 17-year-old boy, like, a magical night, which

is, like, I mean, I don't care. That's cool, but you can't be a fucking sex trafficker advocate and be talking about giving a boy a magical night, bitch Aye, aye, aye Yeah Do you think Tim Pool's gonna bring it up at all? I'm sure, well the thing is like Oh, is she going on Tim's show?

Well, she's talking to Shane Cashman, if I understand And they're preparing a piece and stuff like that But the thing is like, Tim's stuff Isn't, like this isn't really in his wheelhouse It's a drama thing At the core of it,, there are people that are going to be like, oh, well, the censorship thing, and he's talked about the censorship stuff, and I think that everyone's on the same

page that that was bad and wrong. So stupid. Yeah, terribly dumb. And I think Eliza's doing, you know, trying to get more people censored, and that's bad and stuff. But otherwise, it's just a drama situation. You know what I mean? It's like this Instead of what? Versus what? Well, as opposed to, like, something political or something something relevant talks about yeah it's it's yeah it's

outside it's i think you don't think that like uh your judgment like the the allocation of resources at that level is like in uh what do you mean tantrum out to like promoting promoting activism to such a degree As to direct resources Toward it I feel is like Core to politics And especially political news coverage I don't know I don't know what

Tim's perspective is so I can't speak For Tim What about you? I thought it was kind of a drama thing And I haven't followed it so there could be Things that I don't know about. I kind of felt icky about the whole thing, so I'm just like, I'm not really interested.

I don't have to have an opinion on everything. I had a positive view of everybody involved. Now I think Eliza's... You've got to be careful, right? You don't like her, though. I don't really know her. You kind of feel bad. I'm not, well, I don't really know her. She's kind of a, you kind of, like, feel badly. I'm just fucking with you.

I'm trying to do this Howard Stern, Howard Stern's interview style is he, like, forces people into a kind of thing where I go, you've said a lot of shit about her, right? And then that forces you to, like, you know, go like, no, I've never said anything bad about her. And then you get deep into it. Oh, yeah, you know. No, so. You're always talking.

Yeah, all right, go ahead. Yeah, I mean, like I said, I don't ahead Like I said, I don't have You know, I don't have a whole lot of Like takes on it because I haven't gotten too in depth In it because it's kind of a drama thing And you know, I get that people Don't like her, you know, because she's lying And it seems like that she's been, you know, telling stories

And it's like, if that's the case, I get it, you know But uh I think most people haven't heard her talk, like they just look at her and like Damn, hot, big eyes, big tits. And then she's like, yo, my name is Eliza Blue and I'm a strict stripper. Now I have to disavow. You're going to get like, whoa, wait a minute. Anyway.

Yeah. I mean, it's. That's awesome. Good for you. It's a real story, but you know. I have a question. Has Tim asked you to sing on any of his albums yet? No.

What? No. Would you? Yeah. Yeah? There you go. Tim's got a lot of money, I would definitely sing for Tim. Dude, you gotta... That's reasons one through ten.

Like, I mean, I would totally work on music with him and stuff like that, absolutely, but we haven't talked about doing, like, anything with him. Well, when I get some money together, you can do the Super Killer theme song. Please do. Because we're gonna need one. Okay. Once the animated series comes along. It's not gonna be cheap. Oh yeah, get, when you get that Netflix. Oh, once we get that, because we're going to need one. Okay. Once the animated series comes along. It's not going to be cheap.

Oh, yeah. When you get that Netflix. Once we get that Netflix money. Netflix money, yeah. They'll pay you. They'll pay you. You guys are from the same place. Oh, yeah.

That's the most exciting thing. That's the reason that I'm here. Yeah. If it wasn't for the fact that we used to work at the same comic book shop at different times. Yeah, that was the weird thing. How did we find each other on Twitter? It was some random thing. Was it after Netflix or something?

I don't remember. Somehow we ended up in each other's... I know that I watched one of your videos or whatever. Yeah, and somehow we ended up in each other's, like, Twitter DMs, and I'm like, oh, you're from Western Madison? Yeah, I'm from Western Madison. You ever go to this mall? And you go, I used to work at the comic book store in that mall.

I'm like, oh, I used to work at that comic book store, too. Yeah. So we literally worked in the same mall at the same store. That's crazy. Like, eight years apart I definitely must have Went in there And bought comics From him as a kid

And had like no idea I was like the skeezy kid Buying Star Wars Trading cards Yeah so if it weren't For the fact that Well everybody assumed You were here for Dick

Everyone's like Oh Dick and him Must be best friends No I'm not here For either Dicks Any of the Dicks There's three Dicks in here I'm not here for either

They're like oh Dick Brought him in To shit on Liberal Vito And I'm like no no He's my Dicks He's three dicks in here I'm not here for either They're like oh Dick brought him in To shit on Liberal Vito And I'm like no no He's my dick He's my friend You motherfuckers I came here for the

Fellow Masshole It's true That's the only reason I braved the fucking LA traffic Thank you for doing that Do you want to go Straight to Super Chats

We're getting too long Yeah We gotta get out of here We don't want to keep You around too long Start the long drive Back to I haven't eaten yet

Oh yeah Well let's get Let's go through The Super Chats real quick I know there were Some questions We gotta get out of here. We don't want to keep you around too long. You're gonna start the long drive back to where we're going. I haven't eaten yet, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, let's go through the Super Chats real quick. I know there were some questions people were asking. And we'll just bang on through. Thanks, everybody, for coming by. We'll do the bonus episode with all the stupid voicemails that you guys sent. Yeah, check the bonus episode, which will be up on the Patreon. Oh, wow, you got me banked.

We did all right. All right. Where do we start from here Oops sorry Sorry Every time Every time Negro

Spelled K-N-E-E Gro Disavow I like how you pronounce it K-Negro Why did you say Negro That's one of my favorite jokes

We always make that joke In high school Got small knees Get negro When is Super Killer Coming out I imagine creating a comic Cast TBF Straight forward jokes we always make that joke in high school got small knees get negro when is super killer coming out i imagine creating a comic has tbf straightforward for someone as talented as you uh i'm hoping to get the kickstarter together by the end of the month i'm waiting on toshio maida the godfather of tentacle porn to finish creating a cover oh wow comic cool i paid him a lot of

money the godfather of tentacle porn yes literally the man the reason you know tentacle porn existed i found his email address and i said will you make a cover for my comic and he said yes sick yeah tell him about the cat stuff the q's no i didn't tell him but shut up cool for two thank you three guys that you would want to work with for music who's's like your top three? You know, I'm really fucking lucky because I've worked with like a lot of the people that I really would want to work with. Really? That's awesome.

That's cool. I'm really lucky. What's one of the best collaborations? I mean, I'm on record saying that I want to collaborate with Taylor Swift on a family. We're going to make it happen. You're sexualizing her. No, no, no, no. She's faking her in your mind right now, guys.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to act. No, I want the whole, like, I want the family. Well, how does that happen, Phil? You got to deep fake something. I know they make those bags where both you can get in with just the holes. That's true. I'll do that.

I'm not sexualizing anything. I want the actual. I like the Hasidic Jews. Do it through a sheet. There we go. Look at her. Cool for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves. Absolutely. Riley Adler's for two. Phil, you're a it through a sheet. There we go. Look at her. Cool for two. Thank you for not killing yourselves.

Absolutely. Riley Adler's for two. Phil, you're a legend. Thank you. There you go. Clap Trap, The Destroyer for five. Phil Labonte, you were my idol in high school. Love to see you on the best podcast in the universe.

Thank you, and I'm glad that you are wiser now. The audience loves you. Riley Edwards for five. My favorite All That Remains song is off the Overcome album. Track three, TBF, best song ever. Good try. I'm pretty sure that's Chiron. I'm pretty sure that's Chiron.

Kyle Baxter for five. Hi, Phil. Hi. I've wept to your music. Well done. Appreciate it. That actually does mean a lot to me. I have definitely had more than one or two songs by other artists

that have moved me, so I appreciate it. That's awesome. Righty Tighty 91 for Tylee or Kyle. For two, anyone that watched, pay $2, come on. I agree. Put $2 in the chat. TBF for two, when's the super killer Funko Pop coming? Never. Smash the like button.

Smash like and subscribe. You wouldn't do a Funko Pop? I would maybe do a Funko Pop You've never seen the custom Funko Pops someone made of me No I hate Funko Pops Do you know those stupid little toys? I do, I do

And I hate them so much It was a recurring joke in one of my videos That someone actually made a custom one that I have And then I get people go You said you hate Funkos But I can see one on your shelf And I'm like, it's one of me It's a little different

Warren for five I'm sure the blind's one of me. It's a little different. Warren for five. I'm sure the blind people were real mad Mr. Beast helped them. He should have just bought himself toys like you do. You're the real hero, Vita. Fuck you, Warren. DK Stop. Shut up. Fuck you guys. DK

367 for 10. This guy looks like Adam Sessler without the debilitating disease AIDS Thank you Thank you I don't want to say Adam Sessler

Looks like he has AIDS He was a great guest as well That guy's saying it I know Did Adam Sessler come in He called in Through a rock tumbler Yeah

He had a real bad microphone He was the best mic ever Britsman for two What's your favorite Sega Dreamcast game? Hmm. That's a good question. I don't even know.

Skies of Arcadia, but the GameCube version is better. Maybe Crazy Taxi. NFL Blitz. That was a good one. That was a real good one. That was on N64, though. No, it's not Dreamcast. Was it?

They might have done a port. Coup for two. Thank you for not killing yourself over fish balls. Jew H for 20 says nothing. Thank you. Thank you. Diamond G for two says to be Phil. Peter R for five.

Hey, Phil, love your music. Hope you don't mind me asking if you're a fan of the band's Ghost or Opeth. Opeth, yes. See you in Philly, Dick. Looking forward to it. Yeah. The big Philadelphia show is coming in April 22nd. I'll be there. Dick will be there. Yeah, get tickets now.

Peter R, you are right. Peter R for five says Hasan Piker should fight Sam Hyde, but you could handicap Sam Hyde with an eye patch and give the proceeds to the blind. The Candyman. Matt White for 20 says best guess yet. Wow. What a legend.

He's a legend. That's a big endorsement. Thank you. I appreciate it. Bag of Schmidt for five. I'm sure he's sick of hearing it, but Telfeld, The Fall of Ideals, is one of my favorite albums. I could never be sick of hearing that something that I created is someone's favorite. Like, that is such a wonderful thing to hear, and I appreciate the hell out of you, man.

I feel the same when people tell me I have their favorite Star Wars review of all time. I go, well, put a lot of work into that one. Didn't you do a positive review of the Rian Johnson one? Which one? What? The Last Jedi? No, I had the most negative one. Good.

I had 9 million views on that. That's the biggest video I ever made shitting on Star Wars. Which is why there would be no positive review would ever have numbers. No. No one cares about that. I mean, five bucks though, Bag of Schmidt. That's like my favorite album.

That's like a $20 con. Come on. I appreciate you. They don't. They're, you know. We don't appreciate that. It sounds like you're not really selling your opinion. I might even get Reddit next time

Be fake trans on YouTube, get rich, cure the blind Not a bad idea P-Tongue for a big $50 On the board Says I put together a huge text Trying to walk through a bunch of 1-2 Beef air mechanics

I don't know if that counts And it wound up being 500 plus words. So go fuga yourselves, inshallah. Inshallah to you, Patong. And Michael winning for five for this TBF to women. They all keep trying to trick me into saying a certain phrase. It's a convoluted thing because I used to say it all the time. And if I say it, then Dick plays a dumb thing. So when I say

TBF, that's why. Whatever. It's a stupid in-joke. Oh, so if you say it to be fair. Yeah, if I say it, then I get buzzed and it's stupid. He still falls for it. I do fall for it all the time, but not today. They lure him in with like Yeah, because they get me excited about a topic.

Yeah, you get, well the thing is, if you start it, that's a bad play. You got to get it in there. You got to get him going, get him reading. Once I'm doing like reading and I'm going through it, I go like, the thing is that, oh, fuck. Anyway, we want to prevent AI from making porn with their face. They must embrace Sharia and cover it up. Yeah, cover it up. Inshallah.

Real quick, hit us with a refresh. See if we got a couple more super chats in there. quick hit us with a refresh uh see if we got a couple more super chats in there but uh ultimately i want to say thank you to our great guest phil labonte thank you it was fun we got a couple more here cara fro for 10 great guest great show i agree cara greatest moderator in our chat pete oxenham for two this guy is a great guest god suck his dick harder guys charlie murphy for 20 bucks compliment come on you gotta really put a couple dollars in there so he knows you mean don't listen to him they're not right i met phil in greensboro last may at the blind tiger nicest most legit dude ever the blind tiger was fucking sick venue supers the show was sick they just had a gunfight like a week like

two weeks before the show almost didn't happen. All the security's walking around strapped. I'm like, yeah, this is good. This is good. Melissa Baker for three says, I love Vito's laugh. Well, I love your laugh, Melissa. Let's see who here. What do we got here? I'll leave her alone.

Some deepfake. Let's deepfake this part. Don't deepfake my only comments. Is this on the deep? Leave Melissa alone. Oh, is my only comments. Emphasis on the deep. Leave Melissa alone. I know you can't. Get out of here. Get out of here. Stop it. Stop it.

I'm leaving it open. And Benjamin for 10. What's Phil's opinion on As I Lay Dying? What does he think of the Tim Lambess-led group now? Do you guys know this story? I don't, actually. Tim Lambess-led group now. Do you guys know this story?

I don't, actually. So Tim Lambesis is the singer of a band called As I Lay Dying. I've heard of this band. They had a really, really, really bright career, right? Yeah. Things were going great. Tim was married. They adopted some kids from, I think they were from Africa, but they adopted some kids from another country.

And then Tim decided that it was a good idea to ask a police officer to kill his wife. I think I've heard this story. Did he know he was a cop? Then he went to jail for it. Yes. Well, he didn't know he was a cop. Was this in Norway or something? No, this was in

America. Oh, okay. Did you get one freebie of that for your wife? I don't think anyone gets a freebie of that. Um, and he went to jail. He did his time. And I am a principled guy. So, I think that because

he has done his time, he must be returned to society. He must be allowed to return to society. And, you know. Does he have a new band? Or is he trying to make music? Oh, no, it's still As I Lay Dying. Really? They just let him back in?

No, it was his band. A lot of them quit. Oh, okay. That's all new guys. I think there's one guy, no, two guys that stayed and two guys that have left. Is he good?

Pardon me? Does he make good music? They're good. Yeah, they're good. Ah, yeah. Dick's all about forgiveness. I didn't marry him. I would probably do a tour with them, but I don't know.

And like I said, the reason is because I believe in America. It gets a little nerdy. I know this is a little nerdy and ideological, but I believe in the principles in America, and I believe that, look, if we're going to have a criminal justice system that tries to get people back into society and get them to be normal functioning members of society, people have to treat former felons like they're normal people. Yeah. So, I mean, I know that it's real tough for some people to swallow because it's a real bad thing that he did. But he did his time.

And if we're going to be a society that has, you know, people that committed crimes come back in, we have to. Someone has to be like, all right, I'll be the first one to treat him normal. Right. Or at least someone has to be like, I'll be among the people that treat him normal because there's always going to be that stigma with him. I get it. Right. Yeah. Because he did some whack-ass shit.

But. How much did he try to pay? I don't know, but it wasn't enough. I don't know. It was like, it was. He was a cop.

He's talking to you. He would have taken it. It was enough money. It was like, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was like, really?

No, it wasn't a hundred, but it was definitely not like. It wasn't more than a cop's salary because if it was, the cop would have said shit I could just kill you What is the most fucked up thing going on in the metal scene that you've seen? Well the I wouldn't say the metal scene but in the rock scene the Lost Prophets singer was raping

Infants with it with that was abroad though. That was in like Norway or something It doesn't matter. It's not. I'm not excusing that. Disavow. It matters. Disavow. Disavow.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just bringing it up. Well, well, well. It was in Norway. No, because when he was talking about the first guy, that's why I got it confused, because there's two guys. I don't think that. Ian Watkins.

That was his name right I maybe I think so the baby raper yeah well that was the thing because they were like

hugely weren't they hugely popular his band yeah well they were there's like dudes who had like tattoos and shit

like man I love this guy music and then he was like did he actually like have actually he actually made it happen

he was like recording himself That's what I believe Why? Because he needs to be fed into a wood chipper That's why Because he needs to know what it's like On the inside of the wood chipper

He's like legitimately like one of the worst ones Like just terrible Like disgusting The stuff that he said was Like there was I think he wanted to like eat kids and shit too Like cannibal and all this nonsense And the mother was agreeing Of the baby? Yes Yeah that I believe They wanted to like eat kids and shit too. Like cannibal and all this nonsense.

And the mother was agreeing. Of the baby? Yes. Yeah, that I believe. Gross. Women will go along with that. There was the time that. First star? There was.

Whatever. That was, that's probably the worst. And then after that, everything else is, I mean, after that and Tim Lambisa's, everything else is kind of funny. Anything, anything, literally anything else, like anything else we can laugh about. Oh, the time that the guy from that band tried to, there was this dude from, I think it was,

I forget the name of the band. They're a great band and their singer's got a massive fro, plays guitar. Anyways, their bass player was in Boston. He decided that he was going to try and rob a CVS for pills. So that's funny That didn't work so good Dude you're a rock star

They're a big band You did not need to do that No not at all It was like when Winona Ryder was shoplifting It's cute I don't know why we gave her so much shit for it Do you have a bunch of groupies? Not even one

Not like Vito he's got melissa up here sending well i have another groupie real quick to close out the show i have a video that i wanted to play okay now to set this up uh recently a certain certain remarks of mine involving how i took care of my cats uh being in heat have gone semi-viral on certain channels. I don't know if you're aware of any of this, Phil. I am not. Good. Let's not even bring it up because everybody knows except Phil who doesn't need to know.

Anyway, don't look at him. Anyway, here's a fan who apparently just found out about this. And this is their reaction to finding out about my history. I never raped a cat. It wasn't rape. I helped a distressed animal. Okay. Let's see what it is. Yo!

I did most of the work. Shut up! Q-tip out. This was a medical procedure that I googled extensively before making it happen. Anyway, here's the reaction of one of our... You hate doctors, your cat hates you. That motherfucker.

I literally, just a few weeks ago, became a Patreon for that podcast. And I decided, like, you can pick whether you're with Dick or with Vito I went with Vito out of sympathy and so now at the end of the fucking podcast my name's gonna show up as a Vito fan starting tomorrow which is February that mother fuck now

now can you pause it real quick yeah so Mitch is upset that he's going to be known for being one of my fans right i don't know well i don't know why he would be upset so rather than you know have you be known as a veto file i've invented something new so you don't have to deal with that stigma no you can just play the end of that video okay and uh this will be something just for you, Mitch, so you don't have to be a veto file. Just hit play.

Okay. There you go. And Mitch is the first member of Veto's Kitty Cat Club, the number one member, Mitch. And that way you don't have to worry. There you go, Mitch. Everyone will know that you are a member of my kitty cat club forever. Perfect. Perfect.

And can you put up the list of the rest of our most popular people? Let me see if I can. Phil, if you have anything you need to plug, I'm sorry. I could keep glossing over it. I don't know if you did it while I was out of the room. Just like I said, Phil that remains on Twitter. Follow Phil at Phil that remains, a fellow mass hole to the end. We love him.

And a great guest. One of the greatest of all time. The one that will drive through L.A. traffic. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I hear you're setting up a bungalow so you can be closer to Tim's show. Is that something?

I do have an apartment in West Virginia now. See? Well, you'll have to get an apartment near here because you're going to be doing our show all the time. The fuck I will. Now all of you who always complain about guests, now you can really shut the fuck up because that was a good one for everyone. That was a great guest. Alright. We have great

guests on this show. Shove it up your ass. Fuck you. Anyone who complains about our guests. We're going to show and show off our interview chops, which about our guests. We're trying to grow the show and show off our interview chops, which are not good. They're alright. Considering you're not trying to be like serious or were you?

God damn it. God damn it, Phil. We should talk about baby rape. That's not something that... Yeah, I mean that is a very serious topic. That is actually a serious... We've talked about murder, baby rape, voting. We've gotten to a lot. Sexual harassment. Yeah, like We've talked about murder, baby rape, boating... We got into a lot of sexual harassment. We talked about... Actually, we have talked about

very serious topics. That's the kind of important serious talk. I'm going to deepfake... Are you going to deepfake anyone on the way home, Phil? No, I'm going to avoid getting crushed by LA traffic. No, it's gone now. We appreciate you coming by. I also have to mention I counted them up. Guys, come on.

We need more veto files. 50 to 38. This is ridiculous. Dick's number keeps growing. All right. Goodbye, everybody. Thanks for coming by. Phil, thanks for coming.

Vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. Bonus episode. Patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Bye. Don't kill yourself. Thank you.