The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 77

Episode Date: February 11, 2023

  Missed Opportunities, Satanic Panic, Tech Switcheroos, Peladophobia  

Yo, what's great today is gonna be a nice relaxing show. Cause none of my shit works. Yeah. Now I, I don't know what to do now. About what? About anything. I can't think right if I have to read my stuff from another type of text file. I don't know. And I think there was supposed to be another page on this, so I'm freaking out about that.

Do you have all your pages? I don't know, man. I don't even know. You sort of got half your problems. You go, well, I had notes. See? I knew it. Look.

There's stuff hanging off of this page. How come it didn't print it? It didn't print it on the back? I don't have time. I don't have time, Vito. I don't have time to do all this investigating that you want me to do. What a show. What am I, a Tim Pool journalist? Am I a crack

journalist at the Tim Pool? You've been going to Tim Pool all week. Because I hate him. And it's funny because we just had a guest on who's like literally getting an apartment in the city so he could be on the Tim Pool podcast every week. I don't know how to act in those situations. I mean, it was

interesting that you got to chat to him. Our guest. I like that guy. Yeah, well he seems to have come around on eliza blue who is just nuts now yeah she says that everyone who you know is commenting on her situation or sharing images of it is now guilty of sex trafficking and i'm like yeah again it's one of those things where you go don't change the definition of sex trafficking Cause if No no no You're being a You're ruining the party I'm ruining the fun Yeah

Don't be a downer Yeah Change whatever you want This lady is nuts It was me I sex trafficked her in LA I guess Yeah

I don't know How she was See sex traffic Is such a like Undefined term. Because, like, some sex. I mean, I pimped her out. Some sex trafficking is literally, like, you lock a Vietnamese kid in a box and you pimp

him out. And then apparently it's also, like, your boyfriend telling you to start an OnlyFans is also sex trafficking. There's an Asian definition of sex trafficking. And then there's a white whore definition. During the week, I always think, oh, don't say anything too crazy this week, all right? And then Friday rolls around, it's white whores. I met her working at the strip club that she was at in L.A.

Did you actually? Yeah, and I said, bitch, how'd you like to make some real fucking money? So you sex trafficked her. Yeah. I was selling her jelly beans For sexual favors She'd blow me and I'd give her a hand I'd shake the jelly beans I'd stand outside her apartment

Like Eliza Blue I'm saying This actually happened I would stand outside her apartment Shaking a can of jelly beans And she would suck a dick for jelly beans I wouldn't even say anything She would come to the window I'd put my wiener through her window

Through the mail slot And then I'd toss some jelly beans. Oh, Eliza. What do you think about that? Well, I'm glad that she managed to escape her sex trafficking situation. No, I'm still doing it. You're still doing it. Because I looked at those videos.

Eliza, stop sucking dick for jelly beans. No, no, no. Not that. Oh, okay. Just looking at her videos. That's what I'm doing now. I'm sex trafficking her in my mind right now by remembering it. Stop. You're trafficking

her virtually. Stop it. Knock it off. Check it out, Vito. You're complicit. I'm not complicit. I won't look at the sex trafficking. I won't be part of it. I'm paying her off right now. This is a mental sex trafficking that I'm doing. Paying her off.

What do you think about that? Everybody's got a story. Everybody's a sex trafficking that I'm doing. Paying her off. What do you think about that? Everybody's got a story. Everybody's a sex trafficking victim. Yeah. All right, you ready? Yeah, let's do it. I'm excited. Episode 70.

Dick couldn't be here this week. Biggest problem in the Universe! Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe. From Vito's bladder infections to morons deciding elections. I should have read that the other way around. Because the joke is, god damn it. Well, I'm your host Dick Masterson. Joining me as always is Vito Gisualdi hi dick

longer than normal I'm being sex trafficked you're being sex trafficked you're being gaslit by our theme song you know me guys right now are sex trafficking us listening to the show and imagining us making out sex trafficking me having homosexual sex Stop sex trafficking me. Having homosexual sex. Drawing sex trafficking artwork of us and our characters. That's being, yeah, we are being sex trafficked in a number of ways. Yes. Okay. Um, we ready to do the, uh, drumroll stuff?

I kind of forgot how to do the show. Yeah. I get it. I forgot to write the problems down, too. I think it was uninformed voters. Nothing like a drumroll into a guy going to a website. That's exciting. Why is my computer doing this? Look, it's all jerky. Is it janky? Is it jerking around for everybody? We gotta talk about this thumbnail at some point.

Maybe we'll... The stream is lagging like crazy. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm gonna try. Yeah. Now people are trying to troll yeah now there's no audio and there's a horrible persistent humming noise and you have a big dick in your mouth there must be some sort of all right i thought you're gonna say you have a big dick in your pants like that doesn't that sounds like a weird troll but i guess i oh mouth okay so people are saying it was good up till the intro.

They said the intro was solid. So now do the drum roll and do the... I can't because it moved all my sounds. Oh, God. We don't even have the drum roll anymore. All of Dick's folders got moved, so none of the files are synced up. My Dropbox kicked in and moved all my... It hadn't been updating for like a month.

Yeah. And it just started again when I reset wonderful Oh great, so now it's moving everything around Good work. Okay, so anyway Tell me when you're done, I'm just making sure nothing's wrong And then some people are making fun of my hat, which I will try to pull down. No, it looks cool When you walked in for my girlfriend. Why would you change that? It's my cool, hip, rapper style.

Yeah, come on, man. All right, so. I think I can play it. Hold on. Let me try this. You think you got something? It's a bad start. It is a bad start.

Thank God this didn't happen when Phil was on. Yeah. Actually, no, I can't find the. Very obnoxious. Here, I got't happen when Phil was on. Yeah. Actually, no, I can't find the... Very obnoxious. Here, I got one for this situation. Dick's dementia. Dick's dementia.

Dick's brain is all sorts of fucked up. Yes, I like that. Dick's dementia. Dick's dementia. Who sent you that one? I just ripped off my thing of Vito's Twitter. Oh, yeah, your brilliant original song Well, my idea

Which I was watching cat videos And I go, wait, why do I recognize this open domain music? Yeah, but that was my idea They put it out there Who won last episode, Dick? Uninformed voters Congratulations, Phil Good work

Deepfake consent malarkey that was mine i gotta pump the brakes on the women problems when we have uh when you have guests yeah they get all nervous people are bro come on people don't understand that misogyny is popular now people love it is that misogyny and women love misogyny they love it i can imagine women naked that's misogyny now. I'm just using a computer to do it. You do horrify our guests into submission. And I'm like kind of like trying to be the buffer.

I think people noticed most on, I think it was the Adam Sessler episode where he went, oh, he's not always like this. You know, he's just joking around about, you know, wanting to start the Capitol riots back up. I honestly don't even know what, until it happens, I'm like, oh, I see how that would have been bad. Yeah, because you live in a completely different world where you're like,

this is how people talk about it all the time. This is what they're always talking about. Say and do whatever you want. I was like, oh yeah, this is probably a good, funny thing, right? Guys are like, he's crying. And then these guys who are trying to have careers in legitimate media are like she's crying some of these guys are trying to have careers in legitimate media are like i don't want to be like one of those shows where like somebody years

later has to apologize for having been on there like we're already there you did a nazi podcast three years ago how do you feel about that you mean a pedophile yeah you did a pedophile nazi right-wing podcast i disavow everything dick masterson and vito zualdi you've ever said i don't want to be those guys uh but how are we not i mean i don't know there's nothing you can do we're so fucked so fucked and i'm just getting older yeah now i'm like what the you guys are crying about imagining computer women everyone's crying about everything and uh i can't even keep track of all the crying. Everyone's mad all the time, so like,

you're on the wrong side of history if you speak words using your mouth. The only way to win is to shut the fuck up. And then going to the doctor. Should have been a higher problem, but at least all my problems were positive this time. Sometimes going to the doctor cures

illnesses. Yeah, but like I think that's why people voted it down. The process of it is unenjoyable, I would say. No one enjoys a doctor's visit. Some people are hurting because of not their own actions. Yeah. So. They want a doctor to save their life. Yeah.

It's not just being a fat sack of shit and letting your health decline to the point where you're probably getting blindness from diabetes. Ramshackle Ben Ben said, of course Vito somehow has a problem with someone curing people's blindness. That's not what I have a problem with. PA 130 said, Vito's core issue with Mr. Beast is that he's being entertaining instead of preachy. Is that your core problem? It's that the type of entertainment he's creating seems unethical to me.

Oh, okay. Slickford said, Vito, Mr. Beast sucks because after curing a thousand people of blindness, he didn't push my politics on everyone. Is that accurate? Yeah, pretty much. That's what he should have done. If I had cured people's blindness, I would have done it better is all I'm saying. Oh, okay.

It would have been tasteful and more fun. More fun. I would have had a prize wheel for them to spin, and if they get the wrong one, I fucking stab their eyes out again. Yeah. You only get one eye. Yeah. Give them a choice.

I can cure both your eyes, or you can pick one, and then I give the guy in the next room one eye, or Becky gets no eyes. You've landed on switcheroo, which means I'll cure your blindness, but then I'm going to blind a child in response. It's like you're gets no eyes. You landed on switcheroo, which means I'll cure your blindness but then I'm going to blind a child in response. It's like you're taking their eyes. What was the first thing they saw?

It better have been big old titties for me. I'm the greatest. I'm going to save the world with money. Oh boy. Isn't that the Democrat platform? Or is it just

we're going to take rich people's money? Yeah, that's more the Democrat platform. Benjamin Swearingen says, finally somebody else notices that peaceful protest indoctrination. I learned about Gandhi almost as much as the Holocaust in school. Yeah, right. Why did we learn about Gandhi in an American

school system? It doesn't make any sense. we're talking about the bonus episode the bonus episode yes the biggest problems of black history month where we talk about the weird propagandizing of mlk as the government being like see if anything goes wrong in the government just just do nothing go to a lunch counter and sit there and it'll solve itself get on a bus and don't say it. Yeah, and sit there quietly. Sit in the wrong spot. Well, what if I got a gun and, like, shot a politician who, no, no, no, no, that doesn't do anything. No, no, no, no, that's never worked.

That's never worked. No, that has never worked ever. Never worked. The only thing that works is sitting quietly and leading marches. Yeah. It's kind of weird. I don't think the government should be in the business of telling us What types of protests work

When do they stop saying that guns work It's only with black people right They really don't want black people to rise up Slavery white people fighting white people that's fine American revolution white people fighting white people that's fine Absolutely When you get to black people You know all that sitting you guys did was real noble

And brave And we hope you'll continue to do that. We looked dumb. You guys made us look so dumb. So then we made payday loans and the rest is history. Yeah. Well, I highly recommend. Some have said best bonus episode yet.

I saw that comment and I think it was a good one. We had some good problems on there. It was a good one. Check it good problems on there It was a good one Check it out at Patreon.com Slash biggest problem Shadow of Fallout says Great guest

Used to listen to his band's music Back in the day a lot Gonna start listening to them again Great guest lately guys Great show How about that Best guest Guests should come into the studio

United States says Also hilarious for Vito to be quiet When Phil starts talking about how teachers shouldn't be having secrets with their students. Vito's Twitter disagrees. Wow, that's a very specific comment. I don't remember that. Yeah, I don't remember exactly what he was saying. I'm of the opinion that if a kid goes to a teacher and goes, hey, I want to tell you something in confidence. I don't think the teacher has a legal obligation to go to parents and go you know what your kid told me he told me this this

it's like it's i mean it depends on what it is the kid's safety is at risk if the kid's like i'm thinking about killing myself or something i don't know then maybe i could see like hey but if a kid just goes hey i'm gay i'm not really comfortable talking about it with my parents. I thought maybe I could talk about it with you. A prison. Send a teacher to prison. You want to send the teacher to prison? The problem is, I understand what you're saying, but the problem is, you know, with these alphabet freaks, you give them an inch. But that's what everybody always says is that they go, yeah, and then that teacher is going to like fuck the kid or whatever.

No, they're going to go like, hey, guys, it's super cool to be trans and talk about your sexuality. And if anybody wants to talk to your old pal, Mrs. Pedophile. Mrs. Don't call. That's dead naming. Principal's office. If anybody wants to talk to me, Miss Pedophile, come up to me after class and we'll share. But you know that's what would happen. I know that can happen.

I know that is one of the options. But the mere fact that it exists is something that could happen doesn't make me say like teachers should be legally obligated to tattle on their students gender preferences or whatever the fuck. It's not really

honestly if you're a teacher it should be like you know. I don't know. It's not your business to begin with, right? Yeah, but if you give them permission, they're going to make it their business. I don't think all teachers are. Well, I mean, you got to change what kind of teachers you got. And we know that. The teachers you got in there are all activists.

Because there's no reason for anyone with a brain to become a teacher. Teaching is for idiots. Exactly what I've been saying since my first day of school. Okay, but that's a problem. This dumb bitch in here Telling me where and when I can piss I don't think so I don't understand the right

Pants off Okay but the right goes I got the best idea Let's make teaching Like a horribly Unpaid profession And they go I don't understand

Why all the teachers Are gay activist weirdos And you go Cause those are the people Who will work for nothing Cause they're morons You wanna pay them more? How much do you wanna pay teachers? Not pay them more? How much do you want to pay teachers?

Not pay them more, but attract better talent within the school system. How? By making teaching a respectable profession that you're in. I had great teachers because they were well paid. I went to a good school district and I had some great teachers. And you turned out. And they were guys and they weren't gay and they didn't turn me or anybody else gay. They definitely turned someone gay.

Your teacher's 100%. There's some gay boy or gay man out there, 40 years old, going, I loved my fucking conversations with Mr. Wiener Pants. When you go to these affluent school districts and these charter schools where the, what do you call it? Where rich people go? Yeah, you get a better quality of teacher. Because they don't want to work with a bunch of poor people.

Because poor kids are shitbags. Because their poor parents were shitbags. We just bust a lot of poor kids into our school. Send all the pedophiles to poor schools. Fuck them. Our school is one of those schools that was like, we've got to have a meeting. And it's like, why? And it's like, the bust-in are getting the attention more than the other kids.

And you go, oh, my God, I can't believe it. It's like, well, clearly we're discriminating against poor inner city, whatever. And it's like, yeah, yeah, we really hate those guys. Yeah. Does that have to do with the fact that they're beating the shit out of each other and smoking, selling pot to all the other kids? They've seen both of their parents drunk at the same time. What do you think school is going to do for them?

Right. What do you think learning about the American Revolution is going to for this kid? It's gonna inspire him. I have a question That's awesome about like the Articles of Confederation and stuff What do I do when both of my parents are shit-faced and I didn't eat tonight? Go to a white lunch counter and quietly sit there until the problem solves itself. Yeah, that's it What I love about education is you get to pretend like you care about the welfare of kids. Yeah. And nothing will

ever happen. So you get to like say all these like how it should be and it will never happen. So you're never going to get blamed for anything. Yeah. And you get to act like you care about kids when I mean I don't. If any of this cost a dollar I would say no. I mean I know if I say. That's my definition I mean, I know if I say my definition of care,

I know if I say I care about kids, everyone's going to call me a pedophile, but I legitimately am worried about like the next generation for a dollar. Yeah. It costs you a dollar. Yes. Cause I'm going to get old and those kids are going to be running shit and it's all going to be fucked.

No, we're going to be running it then. I hope so. We're going to have Biden and we're going to have open GTs. Dan running the show. Do anything now. I don so. We're going to have Biden and we're going to have Open GT's Dan running the show. Do anything now. I don't know what's going to happen. Biden in a box.

Okay. Do you have any? I have an exciting segment, Dick. People have been saying, where are the stingers? Yeah. We don't really have them on shows with guests, but no guests today, which means your favorite segment is back, folks. Let's do it.

Oh, yes. It loaded. folks let's do it yes it loaded if I'd install your goddamn family car left you bankrupt go now to the website and run it up if your girlfriend cut off her titties Her teddy's all you've got, a pair of twisted nuts. Go now to the website and vote it up. Vote it up. Vote it up. Vote it up now. Vote it up.

Stop acting like an F-slur. Vote it up. Vote it up now. Vote it up. Vote it up now. Vote it up. Vote it up now. Vote it up. I swear I'll kill your family if you don't vote it up. Vote it up, folks.

Can't play Hogwarts Legacy if they don't vote it up? Well, that might be an important topic for today. Oh. Because as we remember on episode 50, the problem of game journalists, Dick. Well, the new Harry Potter game Hogwarts Legacy is causing quite a stir with many journalists refusing to review the game due to its association with controversial author J.K. Rowling. Wired Magazine has given the game a one out of ten review, saying its lack of a queer creative team made it feel dull and heartless. So not enough gay people were in the Harry Potter room. Rainbows weren't jizzing out of the game.

Not enough queer people in the game. Which makes no sense because the game literally has a trend. I've been playing it on my stream. Homophobia. Come on over to the Vito streams. And I accidentally. You make your character, but you know how now it doesn't ask you like are you a boy or a girl? You just got to like.

It's like, do you want to dress? I quit. Well, there's like character type A and character type B. And I guess I pick character type B, which is now my character is a guy who just wears women's clothing all the time. Wait, are you serious? It has types? Yes. B? Yeah, I think B for binary non? I guess, well because you choose like what your character

looks like. B for boobed individual? But if you choose B, your character just wears skirts and dresses all the time. So I have like the fanciest gay kid in Hogwarts and he's running around in like a skirt and like a sensible heel and he's got around in like a skirt and like a sensible heel and he's got like a little flower on his hat just going hello chaps what a wonderful day here in Hogwarts Academy and I'm like oh my god I made the gay kid it's kind of fun to play as the little

gay kid in Hogwarts going around you know helping everybody with their problems and shit you know I take it too far and then you're playing the gay kid in real life, and then you're going to get converted. I see the appeal. I'm like, he's so fashionable. Everyone sees the appeal. That's why they're so homophobic. Guys are like, God damn it, I wish I could go like, oh,

and women would love me. That's homophobia. It's like, man, I come home, everyone fucking hates that I'm home. They're like, oh, dad's home. But then Liberace comes home, he's like, hello, everyone come home. Everyone fucking hates that I'm home. They're like, oh, dad's home. But then Liberace comes home. He's like, hello, everyone. How do you like us? I was like, yeah.

Those fucking gays. The gays are beloved. They're fun. They're fun. I want to wear a sensible skirt and run around school causing trouble and fighting dragons. Yeah. Yeah, I've been having fun. I'm not fighting dragons so much.

Unless you meant like... Having wand battles in the boys' locker room, if you know what I'm talking about. I'm a master of crossing wands, as they say in the game. Can you make people's sex change in that game? Like the other kids? Like Xpeniarmus or something.

I haven't learned that spell yet. We'll see. Fuck turfs though. Trans people are right. Okay. In what We'll see. Fuck TERFs, though. Trans people are right. Okay. In what way? What do you mean? Fuck these women, JK Rowling and stuff. Look who they took away.

They don't... They're... What? They want to go back to... They don't want to go... They want to go back, like, with a time machine in terms of rights, but right to, like, the peak of women running the show. You know?

Well... They built this... They built this idea of show, you know, they built this, they built this idea of protected classes. And then they're like, okay, let's stop right here. And guys like, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Guys are like, I want a little piece of that. Yeah. Come on, let's keep going. They're like, Oh, how dare them?

How dare them mess up our WNBA and our women's swimming? I was like, no one gives a shit about that. No one fucking cares about that stuff. How about my stuff? I think some people care about this stuff. I think it's fine for women to care about that stuff. You know, I don't care about the WNBA, but.

They don't. I did bring in trans athletes as a problem, so I can't, you know, possibly pretend that I don't find it a, you know, an issue of sorts. Okay. What else? Well, another problem, and you may want to check your email because I have a link for us, or the Capitol riots. This is a problem I brought in on bonus episode number three.

Yeah. Currently our number three most negative problem. It seems the audience disagrees with me. Well, in the news, far-right personality Annie Himejione, who you may know as Baked Alaska, will be serving two months in prison due to his participation in the Capitol riots. Gionay has told reporters he believes his sentence is a win and he plans to use his time in jail to write a book. And here is Baked Alaska himself reporting for 60 days in jail. We have the video.

Oh, what's up, everybody? Your boy Baked Alaska here about to go into federal prison. Let's go. What's up? So I'll tell you the story real quick. I am going into federal prison for a nonviolent misdemeanor crime. I didn't touch anybody. I wasn't violent.

I didn't steal. I didn't loot. I didn't do any of that. But guess what? I'm being politically persecuted because of my politics. And I guess somebody's got i know where this is going i love you guys just want to say i'm gonna be fine it'll be good i'll see you in 60 days and just go wrap it up this is where your taxpayer why is he wearing all white

like he just got baptized i love you guys it's gonna be to be good. Yoba never dies. See you soon. God bless and pray for me. Well, I'm not going to do that. Thank you to Banked Alaska, who famously won me $100 from Dick, who said the man would serve no jail time. Also said Derek Chauvin would serve no jail time. God, you are bad at this. I was going to say Trump would get elected, too. I'm glad I didn't put money on that.

Oh, God. You could have bet a lot. A lot of people bet money on that one. So, Baked Alaska going to jail for 60 days. When he returns, will 2023 be the new Yoba year of Baked Alaska? It remains to be seen, but I hope

he works on that book. What's your relationship with Baked currently? He's been on your shows, right? I mean, I don't... That's why you give him the Ricky Rapido. It's because it's getting a little long. He's going to prison. He can give the man a minute. No.

Is he a political prisoner? Yeah, of course. Don't you think so? I'm surprised you only got... What's up with his outfit, though? What is... I don't know. That's what he does.

That's like his whole thing. Jesus Christ or something? What is this? Like a half cut- off shorts, all white. And with a very baggy shirt. What is he hiding some? I wonder if when you report to jail, do you have to like wear? No, that wouldn't make any sense.

Is he already in jail in this video? I was going to say like, you know, it kind of looks like his jailhouse uniform. He's going to. It says no cell phones right there too. Is he like doing this? Oh, no cell phone. Is that prison? Is that the prison in the background? I don't know.

Yeah, it is. Regardless, hopefully he got it arranged to get the big interview when he gets back out. He said he would sign up for backed by before he went in, and he didn't. So I'm actually now glad that he's going to jail. That's just spiteful, Dick. If Biden stole your goddamn oven or family card left you bankrupt, go now to the website and vote it up. You know the teachers would do that.

Would do what? Make kids gay? Just say like, yes. Make them pretend to be non-binary. I don't know. Maybe some teachers. Go now to the website and bought it up. Point is, Dick, you've got to vote it up, folks.

The Capital Rise can't join us. Two great problems. Dick, you are the second place winner, so why don't you lead us in? Missed opportunities is my problem. Missed opportunities. Episode 77, we need to do jack shit. We talked about it. All our ideas were dumb and shitty.

People gave us suggestions. They're all shitty. I'm like, man, I fucking want to do something funny, but... I feel like this is more on you than me, though. Why? Because what the fuck? I was no part of the original episode 77. You have all this like...

Neither was I. Vito, so actually, we both have equal say in doing it. That's fair. All right. I hear you. I knew that I was creeping in that feeling of like, I know you're going to miss this opportunity again. I feel it so much now. When I was a kid and you're like, don't talk to a girl, right?

And then later you're like, oh, man, I really pussed out then. Now I'm just like, I know you're not going to do it. I know you're not going to sit around and think about something and then try it and it's all crappy and try hard. That was embarrassing, but at least you tried. We didn't do anything. We didn't even do puppets or anything. This didn't even fucking work, actually.

Yeah, we didn't get the technology. We didn't even get the stream running on time. Imagine all the missed. Here's a big, okay, here's my biggest missed opportunity that I regret most in life. Okay. Okay? Most in the last couple years that I'm willing to talk about on

the show, okay? Yeah. Is when we were at the protest, Netflix, and I got thrown into the boulder. Yeah. I should have, as soon as I felt it, I should have fallen to the ground and gone... I started spazzing out. That would have fucked up their little trans protest Real fast

Turn this trans protest around I didn't think about it Until we got in the car Oh man That would have been next level funny Meanwhile I took complete advantage of the situation I was rewarded handsomely With air time

Well you know what that's a good point is i think i also could have taken better advantage of that situation like how uh i could have uh well i could i should have done the classic grift of like getting everybody to give me money for some reason you know what do you mean like sue that guy I've been trying to sue that guy You can't You can't like I don't know how to sue Any of these guys Me either

I'm talking to lawyers And I'm like yeah You gotta look for a lawyer I'm like I'm talking to one Yeah I thought you would help Yeah I had one guy I thought you guys were scumbags What do you mean?

I had one lawyer reach out But he mostly was like Well we could do like a show Like lawsuit Where he like writes A letter of apology And I'm like That sounds fucking pointless

Yeah What do I look like A trans ally to you? That's what I got beat up for Okay I want to be in one of these where he like writes a letter of apology and i'm like that sounds fucking pointless um yeah do i look like a trans ally to you that's what i got beat up for okay i want to be in one of these situations where it's like you know like a kyle rittenhouse situation where i kill a bunch of people murder yeah yeah yeah but mostly because like then i go oh my god can you believe the left is trying to put me away can you guys give me a million dollars for like some stupid bullshit like video game i'm making or something? Could you imagine how many guys, there's a break-in

in their house and they're like, could you imagine fumbling around with your gun like, oh, no, no, no, hold on, hold on, shit, shit, shit. Yeah, your one chance to actually kill a guy. Yeah, could you imagine blowing that? That's how I felt when my girlfriend's car got stolen and I was too drunk to wake up. I was like, ugh. Wait, why? Did you see it happening? That's how I felt when my girlfriend's car got stolen, and I was too drunk to wake up.

I was like, ugh. Wait, why? Did you see it happening? On the cameras. But I usually sleep like a pin drop, and I'll wake up. Oh, you heard something? I would have usually, I'm saying. Oh, but you were drunk.

Missed opportunity. I was drunk and out. Woke up gone. Did you get the car back? I didn't hear this story. Yeah, they parked it like down the street You ever heard this story? No

All these cops came out And took a bunch of notes And then they all They all drove their 20 cars Right past her fucking car Which was right down How did you guys not I mean I guess you didn't like

Well we just woke up and saw And called the cops right? We assumed it was And then it was just like On the way to Mexico On the road They just drove it down the street To clean it out properly

Because they were afraid Of somebody coming out fucking blasting. I find that. Missed opportunity. The most opportunities I miss is when you got to do it all yourself is the problem. Nobody helps anybody anymore. Like Eric July doesn't help you. Yeah, Eric July should help me promote my comic.

Do you have any big missed opportunities? Or you in the audience, if you had a missed opportunity, go ahead and click that upvote. There's a lot. There's a lot of stuff where I go, you know what a missed opportunity for me was? What? When Andy Signore and all his fucking buddies were just talking nonstop about this stupid Johnny Depp trial for like six months. And you didn't get in on that?

And if I had just gotten in at it. You could have been like his Conan. I could have been his Conan Literally he got like half a million subscribers And was making like $10,000 a video And I was like oh it's fine I'll just keep working on my Star Wars shit And I'm like no

It was right there in front of you I could have pretended to care about that stupid court case I mean I tried a little bit But I just didn't have the stand There was a lot going on at the time I was busy Missed opportunity There's a lot of missed opportunities

Yeah They eat you up My point was it's now an emotion that I know Yeah And I feel like ah it's coming Fuck I hate this emotion Instead of it just like eating me up Oh I don't know how to deal with this

Now I'm just like yeah yeah yeah Fuck you Isn't it good though that we didn't force Like some stupid bit? Like, I hide under the table and you go, oh, Vito's not here. And then I could have had a puppet version of myself. No, I mean. I don't know.

It would have been fucking stupid. Yeah, it would have been stupid. Yeah, it would have been stupid. Okay, what's your problem? My problem, Dick. Thanks for watching us. Thanks, everybody 77 episodes, everyone Is a classic one

It's a Pellidophobia Okay You know, of course, of pellidophobia Why you say that? Well, uh I don't know, it's just a funny word It's a common phobia

That produces physiological and physical symptoms that can affect everyone at any age. This can affect anyone, Dick. Yeah. Someone with this condition may have a panic attack or high anxiety levels when thinking of hair loss. It's the fear of baldness, Dick. Okay. And it's also the discrimination against the bald. Oh, it's both?

Well, that's how I'm choosing to interpret it. I think they're afraid. I think they discriminate against bald people because they're afraid of becoming bald themselves and having to deal with the stigma. That's the only reason that people go at bald people.

Is that why Tim Pool wears his beanie all the time? Yes. He doesn't take it off because it's a brand? That's why I wear these stupid hats, Dick. That's why I wear these stupid hats. There we go. Normally I wear the hat because I neglect to shave and I look like an idiot when I don't shave my head.

Why don't you get a toupee? I've thought about it. Please do it. Please. I don't know where to get one, honestly. I know that there must be a place. We will find you a toupee. They have really good ones now.

We're talking about missed opportunities. They have really good ones. Yes, I agree. Please, let's get everybody in the audience, send Vito a toupee. What if it looks awesome, though? It will look awesome. Vito, can you imagine how much swagger you have to have to walk into a bar knowingly wearing a toupee in 2023? Chicks are going to go, wow, that's baller as fuck.

But no, I think that the toupees now, they can't even tell if you get a good one. There's some guys who wear toupees and their wives don't even know that they're bald. They go, oh, I got to go get a haircut. And then they go and get their toupee adjusted because that's how good the technology has gotten. Is that a Pew Research survey? These are studies I've heard. Sounds like an ad. In the bald community.

It's not good. Your wife won't even know you're bald. Well, dick. Honey, I'm going to get my haircut. Okay, whatever. You fucking moron. ad in the bald community good your wife won't even know you're well dick echo they're honey i'm calling to get my haircut okay whatever are you fucking moron no no no it's so huge too the biggest real the problem is that when i take off the hat everyone says i look like uh what's that stupid guy wings of redemption have you ever seen that guy oh yeah you're lucky you didn't leave a pause there why because what were you going to say? I was going to start going off on all the horrible bald people.

Well, Dick, the thing about being bald is that people assume that being bald is awful. And I don't know why, because being bald is associated with virulence, strength. Many of our great... Wait, how? Wellence Strength Many of our great Wait how Well cause many of our Great action heroes Are bald guys Jason Statham

The Rock Bruce Willis Vin Diesel Captains of industry Are bald Like Jeff Bezos Those guys are in shape though The ones that you were

Mentioning about strength Well that's the problem That's a bit That's a big part of it They don't talk about Their balls hurt and stuff No, no, see If you're bald and built, it's like cool

If you're bald and fat Then it's built and shaved head They don't even say bald Well, that's what's important is According to studies Well, baldness does decrease A man's perceived physical attractiveness So if women do find bald men less attractive on a purely physical level.

Yeah. The status symbols associated with baldness can actually outweigh the negative physical perceptions. Okay. So male pattern baldness, according to this researcher, evolved as an appeasement signal To signal benign Non-threatening dominance Wait say that more slowly It says male pattern baldness Evolved

As an appeasement signal To signal benign Non-threatening dominance So the bald In you know caveman times or whatever Would be people in a position of power Because they're old But also not brutish guys

Like they're not going to beat the shit out of you It's like they're in charge but like in a nice way Like hey I'm going to take care of shit Everything is going to be great What is this like bald propaganda that you're reading? Shut the fuck up Another study from a team of researchers in the University of Pennsylvania Found bald men are often seen as more dominant and successful.

Men with shaved heads fare better economically in negotiations. Oh, because they're like tough. Yeah. I don't want to. They're like eating steak at the table. Right? Exactly. Pretending to be pit bull.

Women see bald men as more intelligent And more wise But here's the catch stick Here's the big problem Is that you have to be completely bald You have to shave it You can't have a beard? No if you have like hair on the sides That is perceived as weakness

And uh I was thinking that looking right now Right cause that's why I usually wear the hat Cause I hate shaving it down all the time. And then the hair grows on the sides, and then I start to look like a weak man, when in reality I'm very strong and dominant and successful. What do women think about the hats with video game references on them?

They love them. They love them. They go, that is a hat man Who I can respect Reference that is a hat man and a half. Why don't you shave the whole thing then I did what are you talking about? like skin Like Vin Diesel you got a little fuzz cuz it's hard. I do you have to do it every fucking day Yeah, but you got it. What kind of razor do you have? I bought I had a totally shaved head for a while Did you get one of those like five? Would you just go?

Every day Use it in your in the bath I do tweeting and shaving gets clogged all the time or something. I think about a shit on the shaver No, no, no, no, no, it's a razor dude. It's like a razor that you go Like it electric razor. Not electric. Not electric. All right. Well, maybe I'll get what you got. And then, please, God, get a selection of toupees, a mullet toupee.

I would honestly be so happy. You know, I don't get a lot of stuff in my life. Right. I've had a very hard life. Let's go toupee shopping. Let's go to a place. Let's make a video. Make a video.

I'll grow out the sides Because they match whatever's missing I'll seriously be so happy If we go toupee shopping And you get a couple toupees And if people send in toupees Don't send in toupees Don't listen to Vito, do what I say

Here's always been my problem though Is that baldness works For Yeah like action guys Action stars right But like I like comedy Hair is funny Right

It's hard to be a bald comedian Like Howie Mandel is not Howie Mandel When he lost his hair he's not funny anymore No he's not funny Remember when he had that crazy hair? That was hilarious. You think about like Will Sasso, that big fat guy from Mad TV, and you go, man, he'd

be funnier if he had hair like Chris Farley. Chris Farley. Yeah, the hair would blow up. It was all over the place. See, that's always been the big tragedy for me is I think hair is important for a comedic entertainer. You should do stand-up bald and then with hair and see what's funnier. I guarantee

people will laugh more when I have hair. I guarantee. Yeah, because it looks like a big fucking wig. That's why I wear the hat. The hat is funny. You know that guy like Judah Friedlander who wears the stupid hats and stuff? Is he bald? I assume he must be. He has all the hair, but it's like the hair, I assume he must be. He has all that hair. He has all the hair,

but it's like the hair, I bet on top there's nothing. Hmm. It's fun. Hair is funny. That's the big problem, I think. Regardless, society... Would you get plugs?

Hair plugs like Elon Musk? I would. Would you just need a little cash? It's expensive, yeah. I think we talked about it. Five grand? No, it's more than that. I think I asked him.

Five thousand and one dollars? I think it's like 15. I think for me, it's more than that. I think I asked them. $5,001? I think it's like 15. I think for me, it would be like 15 grand. Because you have so much to cover? Yeah. And where were they? Did they get the hair like? I could get tattoo dots.

Have you seen those? The guys who get little dots across their skulls? Yeah, I'm not getting the tattoo dots. My dream, Dick. My dream. And again, this is only for the purpose of comedy. This is not a vanity thing. I'm fine being bald.

I just think hair is funny. Yeah, it's funny. So I want my hair back so I can, you know, play more than, play all sorts of characters and all sorts of situations. I can't wait. We're going to figure out. I can't wait to see you In a I should get back On the minoxidil

I tried the minoxidil And it didn't really help I think it's a little late It's just a drug Not a miracle Well for some people It is like incredible The results they're getting

They grow their whole head back Yeah but your testosterone Is already low isn't it Yeah but I thought Yeah I gotta get that I just sent in Your balls are messed up I just sent in the testosterone

For my testosterone. Everything's a fucking mess. Somebody said you might have a hernia. I didn't get to that comment. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Everyone is now suggesting I have a hernia and I'm thinking about it. I'm like, oh, God, that's probably what it is, right? When's the last time you lifted something? Well, remember I threw up my back, like, not that long ago?

Oh, that's why you couldn't exercise. Yeah, exactly. And I still can't exercise for some reason. Anyway, guys, knock it off with the Pella-da-phobia. Great name. Stop being afraid of the bald. We are here. We are virulent.

We are successful. Elon Musk is a traitor to the bald community. He's like trans hair. Yeah. Did you ever see the before pictures of him? He's like a goblin. He did look like a goblin. I'm going to get that hair.

His lips are all too red. I was mad, though, because Jason Alexander went and got a toupee, and everybody made fun of him. I'm like, no, let him do it. Do you remember when he did that? In an episode of Seinfeld? Yeah, I remember that. No, there was a period of time where Jason Alexander couldn't get acting roles

And he said it was because he was bald and everybody thought of him Only as George Costanza So he went and he was Wearing a toupee for a while. You didn't see that period Of time? No Oh, look up Jason Alexander toupee He like made an announcement. He's like, yeah I'm gonna get hair now and you're all gonna think of me

Differently and everyone's like, look at Jason Alexander's Stupid toupee and I was like, no, no Wait a you're all gonna think of me differently and everyone's like look at Jason Alexander's stupid toupee And I was like no no Wait a minute People would think of me differently because he did something that George Costanza did in Seinfeld One of his most famous episodes Toupee Yeah you remember when he did this

He looked like Shatner He looks like an idiot Yeah he looks like Shatner's fucking hair piece He looks cool and powerful you should do what like an idiot. Yeah, he looks like Shatner's fucking hairpiece. I mean, he looks cool and powerful. You should do what he's doing. Shut up. They're better ones now. Look at that.

Look at that guy. That's a strong, independent. What the fuck? Okay, he got a really shitty one. It looks terrible. That's what his head looks like. Yeah, exactly. It's like too short.

Huh. You gotta go big with the hair, Jason. Get a fro. Go to Party City and get one of the... I want my hair back. I'm gonna make it happen. Uh, okay. Well, I can't wait to go on this adventure with you. I don't know about the

fans sending in toupees. I don't know. Someone's gonna send like a weaved basket of pubes. Too late. I've already ordered them. Okay. When somebody sends them their pubic hair. No, it has to have like a tag on it. You know, it can't be a pubic hair. They'll fake it.

Did you ever see that jackass? Of course. Yeah. I'll run a scanner. I have a pube scanner. How about ordered it and drop ship it from the company? No, because it's got to be like a relic. It's got to be like the grandpa died.

I'm not going to wear an old shitty toupee. Why? Maybe it's haunted and you get powers. No, I want one of the new ones. They have good ones now. Whatever. You know, that's why. Okay, here's my problem, the real one.

It's called, I think I just came up with, you know how I like rhyming things, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Satanic Panic. Wow. Have you ever heard that right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Satanic panic. Wow. Have you ever heard that before? No, that's brilliant. Probably not. Brilliant.

It's this phenomenon where people are wigging out because Satan is everywhere. They really are upset about this. Wow, they are. And each one is more retarded than the last. I almost don't even want to joke about it it because it's just like I'm literally watching Isn't isn't this I'm watching where I grew up when I grew up thinking are you guys fucking you guys are doing this again? Why well, yeah, it's the it's the retreat of knowledge. It's it's returning to the dark ages Yeah, it's a problem that was already solved.

Going, oh, there's not actually a weird satanic conspiracy. I know right now someone is fervently typing in the chat going, why have you ever looked up the finders? No, no, no, no, no.

Hey, if you have a problem with us talking glibly about Satan, why don't you type it up, type up a letter and send it to God? Yeah. How about that,

you little fucking idiot? Why don't you pray and have him smite us? Why don't you pray and have him smite us? Why don't you pray to your precious little gaudy boy about what we're saying, you dipshit idiot? Oh, my God. Here's a juicy one. If as a... This is the...

What is this guy's name? Sam Seder? Solomon Buki? Oh, Sam... Sam... Sam Sausage Casting? Sam Seder, and that's not it. Sam Smith?

Sam Twicklenitz? Sam Smythe? I don't remember. Oh, that's how you pronounce it, Smith? Here's him performing at the Grammys dressed as a red asshole wearing a red top hat and horns dick like the devil himself.

And then here's some dummy. If as a Christian you think we are reaching when we talk about the dominance and normalization of satan worshiping and pop music you need uh discernment sam smith's performance at the grammys last night was satanic um this is a fat retard in a red tuxedo dancing around like a sexy devil girls. Like it's like Halloween. Oh my God. Uh, I think, uh, Satan, uh, was a little nastier than that. Dancing around.

It would be one thing he could have liked, like if it was like really like weird, crazy blood drinking And shit And like you know Pissing and shitting on women I would have been like Alright I kind of get it They're going a little far

But he's just dancing For TV For TV Eight o'clock You know They're acting like He like performed an abortion On stage

And like ate the baby I'm like He's going like Ooh I'm the devil Hey everybody I'm the devil Check me out Wow

And people are like Oh man It's the fucking devil I remember that guy I guess there's just This weird thing With these conservative Commentators

Is they have to be offended In anything the left does Like anything It doesn't matter What it is So Satan I'm gonna give them A little bit of

The benefit of the doubt And say like That their beliefs Are valid Like I'm I tolerate trans people's Identity I tolerate Christians

Identities They're identical You're a woman Neither of them are valid. Like, I tolerate trans people's identity. I tolerate Christians' identities. They're identical. You're a woman? Neither of them is gonna want to hear that. Oh, I hope that the earth is struck by a meteor and that everyone dies and that I wish there was an afterlife so I could say, I fucking told you there was no afterlife

and then we would all blink out into oblivion. That's my fantasy. You want a one second moment where you'd go, fucking told fucking told you dead but just enough afterlife for me to go i fucking told you and then i fucking told you and then you turn in the dust um however i still tolerate their beliefs right yeah what were you gonna you were like I'm a woman Ridiculous No I know I got it

Yeah you're right lady I know I know I'm a I'm made in God's image No I know I know I don't I don't mean to That's a very good

I don't mean to suggest Cause everyone is exactly the same Yeah Which is the whole fucking point Of their dumb religion If they ever Anyway What is I What the fuck was I Loading up Dinesh D'Souza exactly the same. Yeah. Which is the whole fucking point of their dumb religion if they ever, anyway.

Sorry. What was I, what the fuck was I loading up? Dinesh D'Souza? Oh yeah, what I was saying, I tolerate their ideas, whatever,

because you have to. Beliefs. Satan is not coming at you wearing a red tuxedo with a bifurcated tail talking about whores. You know? Right. He's, it's a, Wearing a red tuxedo With a bifurcated tail Yeah

Talking about whores You know Right He's uh It's a It's a metaphor Saying that temptation And greed

Will cause you to violate your principles And harm the people you love For immediate For self gratification For immediate self gratification Instead of like Long term gratification Yeah

Okay It's like a metaphor For that concept You Retarded morons It's not a guy Dancing around Like

Barnum and Bailey circus Fucking going Oh yeah Look at me Look at all these Naked ladies No It's like

I don't think Christians Even know what they believe About Satan It's like I think they just I don't think so either No Like it's like... I don't think Christians even know what they believe about Satan. It's like, I think they just... I don't think so either. No. Like, it's not that guy.

Yeah, I'm like, if Satan's real, he's probably like a 20,000 headed dog that's like constantly gnawing on sinners and pissing blood. And they're like,

it's probably a man in a fanciful costume who shows up and he's dancing and he's got liquor and cigarettes and... How'd you like to fuck these whores?

It's probably an interdimensional, like, spinning orb of light that will rip you asunder for thinking wrong about God. You don't conquer Satan by not having this fat jackass on stage. You say to people, oh, yeah, well, you shouldn't, like, give in to your temptation. Like, you have temptation, and then, well, you can't give in to it. You don't go, get this Satan guy out of here. You're like, no, no, no, well, you can't give in to it. You don't go, get this Satan guy out of here! No, no, no, no, no. That's not how it works.

You imbecile. This is a cartoonish portrayal of an idea to establish a theme and a metaphor for the song. That's the whole fucking point. It's always gonna be whores. Satanic panic. So now they're all pissed off at, once again, music. Pissed off

For 40 years by my count That's the other thing Fucking Satan I'm like are we gonna go back to like the old Back masking argument Like should we hide satanic lyrics in our music And see what happens

Where we couldn't perform chord progressions because they were satanic. Yeah. Like, I don't think Satan is in the chord you're playing. He's in you being a big fat slob. Yeah. All of you guys complaining of this are gluttonous as fuck. Well, at least Melanie Mack is out there making sure that You know Satan is stopped In his tracks

Bro Andy I think that's what drove me so nuts about the Melanie Mack thing Is again it's like I'm like Anyone who tries to talk to you seriously about what Satan Wants or doesn't want Is a dumb person Like tragically stupid Yeah

And it should not be like yeah but she's kind of fun and plays video games I'm like no she's an idiot All of these people who are worried about Satanic imagery are idiots I don't want to get into one woman being Dumber or smarter than the rest of them Some of them are worse They're all exactly the same to me

The idea that A the idea that An emotional being Yeah that a guy in a red suit And is dancing around That this is like not It's like It's like a bunch of Disney fans

Telling me how the bunch They hate Donald Duck Like don't you Don't you hate Donald Duck I'm like yeah I fucking hate All Disney shit And they're like No no no

Just We hate Donald Duck I'm like well yeah okay I mean I hate I I mean, I hate I hate you, and I hate all Disney stuff No Did you not see when Donald Duck was Mickey Mouse was like doing his own thing

And Donald's all jealous that he's fucking with him I'm like, yeah, it's the fucking Mickey I fucking know how the Mickey Mouse show works, bro I know you guys created this fucking guy You're saying religion is the Mickey Mouse universe Knock, knock, knock, looks like you got a fucking Satan problem in here. Thank God we arrived. We have just the fucking cure.

God. I didn't know I had a Satan problem. I thought I had like a compulsion problem. Like I thought it was more of like a Buddhist problem. No, no, no, no, no. Satan. Guy hopping around in a red fucking suit. Been marking his territory all around here with pentagrams and whores.

Oh shit, really? Huh. I thought it was my own weakness and failings as a man. And the people who take it seriously, I'm like, you know, you're talking about whores. It's the same as horoscopes and Zodiac and whatever else. They're like, well, there are dark forces out there. I'm like, no, you're just... Dude, it's your brand. You're just giving me ads.

You're just pumping. You're just trying to fucking sell me on your fucking ads. This is a Nike is You're just Just giving me ads You're just pumping You're just trying to Fucking sell me on your On your fucking ads This is a Nike ad to me Go fuck Except it's Started with

Dungeons and Dragons Yeah Do you remember that? Were you a kid I was a kid playing Dungeons and Dragons And it was on the news Oh Dungeons and Dragons Fucking devil shit

I'm very aware of it I don't remember seeing it on the news Oh so fucking annoying It was so fucking annoying And it's 10 million times more annoying seeing it now. Like, oh, you fucking idiots, and you're my age, and you're still on this shit? Fuck you. Yeah. Seriously, if anyone sends us emails about the Finders, I'm going to be mad.

Like, shut up. What is that? It was, like, one of the the things were at the height of like satanic panic they said we found this like preschool and they're sacrificing kids and you know teaching the kids to like sacrifice animals or whatever and then if you look into it it's like it was a weird hippie school and like they took the kids to like learn how you know like livestock are processed and they're like they're sacrificing animals it's like no they brought them to like like here's where your meat comes from yeah i was just gonna say it's like it's sad where meat comes from yeah it's like all these mammals get killed and they're

but every time i get into one of these arguments where i go satanic panic they go no those satanists were real look into it man they were like doing shit to kids blah blah i'm like no they fucking weren't you guys are idiots I honestly think That we invented God To justify killing Mammals for food Yeah

It's like a Existential crisis To kill something That so resembles us Us Well God told us That we could do that God told us it's okay

Yeah I think it was more To convince people Not to eat delicious Pigs and lobster That were spreading horrible diseases. Are you blaming it on Jews? You think the Jews are at fault once again? They also instituted the solution.

I can't be mad at them for that. They found the problem and they fixed it. And then they killed him. You know how to get everything right. But they're like, hey, everybody's getting sick eating fish. Tell them God told them to stop eating these specific animals. Satanic panic. Satanic panic, it's back.

You had me with, like, it's evil. Like, yeah, okay, that's Satan, whatever. Fat guy dancing around in a fucking dumb suit. No. I don't think so. It's just like performative outrage where you have to do it, and then everyone else has to pretend to be offended. Bench him. Yeah, I, yeah, I can't believe.

That is just like, oh my God. And I'm like, you don't fucking care. Ben Shapiro's a Jewish guy. He should not care about Satan at all. Satan doesn't appear in the Old Testament in the form. That's another argument I've been having with people. He literally killed Christ. Yeah.

How do you act like you're offended by Satan? Satan's not in the Torah. No, he's not. He's not. I've had that argument with people where they go, Oh, what do you mean?

It's not just a Christian thing. And I'm like, no, it is. It is just a Christian thing. And a lot of it is based on like, not even the Bible. A lot of understanding of Satan is based on Dante's Inferno.

And it's just shit. He made up. It's made up. Cause it's fucking butthurt up Just made up Because his fucking butt Heard about not fucking his girl Yeah exactly But he saw it at church A guy wrote a book

Because he was mad At some politicians And another guy And then we go Yeah that's what the devil is No it's just one asshole Wrote a fucking Alright whatever

I walked by that church On accident Really? Yeah in Florence And there was a plaque It was a tiny little Shithole church Yeah

I mean It was a shitty one Even for The one. Yeah. I mean, it was a shitty one. The one where Dante got cuckolded? Dante saw Beta Beatrix. I was like, huh. Interesting. I think this would be like a bigger deal. Nobody gives a shit.

Anyway, that's my problem. This is where Dante descended into the center of the earth. Incel core, man. Dick, I'll give you a problem, and I'll tell you what's going on. Is that right now? If you're a Christian and you're offended by that, then your faith's not strong enough, and you shouldn't be offended. Yeah, go pray on it.

If you want to comment on it, comment to God. Can you fix it by praying? Isn't that the whole point? Thoughts and prayers, vote it up. Dick, I've been using a certain service to collect emails at superkiller.org. I've been telling people for the past year. Not enough plugs. That's past year. Not enough plugs. That's my problem. Not enough plugs. I actually got to fix it. But I've been telling people to

sign up for my mailing list. And what do I use? I use one of the most popular tech platforms for mailing lists, MailChimp. And everybody says- Expensive. Use MailChimp. Well, we're going to get into that. Everybody goes, you got to use MailChimp. It's great. They got a basic plan. Yeah. And you can get up to like 2,000 people to sign up without having to pay a dollar. And I said, well, that's great. I got about 1,200 signups so far. Wow. Then today I go to, yeah, it's not a bad mailing list.

I mean, I've been promoting it for a year. Today I go to sign in and check on my mailing list. And they go, hello, user. We've got exciting news for you. my mailing list and they go hello user we've got exciting news for you starting march 10th basic plans will no longer be able to have more than 500 signups on their mailing list to continue using our service yeah please upgrade to mailchimp pro 20 bucks i'm sure 27 a month but they really recommend the 60 a month premium package. You don't hate your customers, do you?

Deck, I am tired of the tech switcheroos. Yeah. They lure you in. They promise you a service. Bait and switch. Yeah. In a way. Actually, that's not bait and switch.

Okay. Two years. Sorry, I have a longstanding thing where I constantly quibble with people over the definition of bait and switch. It has a very specific definition. Everybody uses that term incorrectly. Anyway, Dick, these tech platforms, they bring us in, they promise us the world. Yeah. They know at some point they're going to sneakily do some shit.

We were talking about, I got these security cameras, the wise security cameras. Those fuckers. And I go, oh, these are great. You plug them in anywhere. They go to a card and I log in and I go, hey, about those cameras. You know how we've just been like giving you service and stuff? Yeah. How about you pay us, you know, stuff yeah how about you pay us you know two

dollars per camera per month you know on a subscription basis and i'm always outrageous like yeah for cameras for stuff you yeah uh i don't want to say i mean i guess there's like a workaround if you're grandfathered in because legally they fucked themselves by promising to us but if they could force you to sign up for the subscription service, I guarantee they would. And again, it's one of these things with these companies. I think they could just exist and make money, but somebody sneaks in there and they go,

yeah, but could we make more money? VCs, venture capitals. Yes. They need like 10x. Well, that's what happened to Patreon famously. Patreon, which was run by a guy. And then, you know, it started getting big. And he probably needed, like, another guy.

Yeah. And then at some point, you know, and you're like, oh, this is a good deal. You give him what? Was it 3% originally or something? He's just like, I'll take a little bit. Patreon was 5. Was it always 5? 5 plus 3 for credit cards.

Yeah, for payment processing. Yeah, it was fine. And then he goes, you know what the weird thing is, guys? You know, it was just me running it. I got all these new venture capital buddies who just bought the company. And it's so crazy that they all want to get paid. Yeah, like a couple million dollars a year for doing nothing. So wouldn't it be like kind of like, you know, like, is it cool if we change the platform structure and increase the percentages and you get less features and we take more of your money and you go, no, no, just give me what I want.

Just give me the basic fucking thing. It's happening everywhere. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's the, the inflation I think is happening right now. And these companies, instead of scaling back are are just passing all the fees on to the users. I'm going to have to stop using Shopify soon because they're going up an extra $10 a month, and I basically make nothing on there anyway. Maybe I'll find a different solution. Netflix no longer letting you share your password. That was one of their things.

They used to joke about it, Netflix. Yeah, it was so funny and cute. Yeah, they're like, ooh, share your password. Isn't that a little things. They used to joke about it in Netflix. Yeah, it was so funny and cute. Yeah, they're like, ooh, share your password. Isn't that a little sneaky? But we're okay. You're cool. Kill yourself, brand account. That's the thing.

All these brand accounts are like, I'm your buddy. I'm here to help out. Go fuck yourself. Get AIDS. We're going to need a little extra. We're going to need to raise the rates. Raise the rates on what? You haven't made a good show in years.

We're just going to, you know, we got to just make a little bit more. Didn't you like the Cowboy Bebop live? No, you fucked that up horribly. You should be punished for that. You should have to give me money back for subjecting me to that. Yeah. I don't know if you saw the article where the original creator of Cowboy Bebop says he watched the opening scene of the live action thing and said, okay, I'm good.

And then just like walked away from it. He's like, I don't want to watch it anymore. All these companies deck the tech switcheroo. I asked people for their stories of their own tech switcheroo. One guy had a great one of you Plex. Don't you use Plex? Yeah. Guy paid 99.99 for unlimited Plex.

You know, the lifetime subscription, $100 one-time fee. What are you paying for for Plex? I think they have, you know, like premium stream. I don't fucking know. They have something. But regardless, now that he's paid for, you know, unlimited subscription, whatever the fuck it is, they add all these new features that you can only get On a different plan

You told me it was a one time thing and I'd get everything You can't do that But they do because they don't respect us dick They don't respect the consumer I get look I get Yeah It's a cool little camera and I know how much storage costs

It does not fucking cost It does not cost no $6 a month. Yeah, for cloud storage. Yeah, $6 a year maybe I would pay. $6 a month, fuck you. Well, yeah, that's the thing. Taking a great... The reason I bought them was specifically that all the other security camera things were like,

and sign up. You have to sign up for our yearly protection package. And I was like, I just literally want a camera that records to an SD card. And they're like, oh, that's us. And now they go, but what if it was a subscription fee? That's happening with all the Adobe stuff. The move to subscription models.

Used to be you just bought Photoshop and you were done. Now they're like, no. You gotta pay a yearly subscription fee. Steal everything. Pirate it. Accept the episodes of the show. Exactly. Or pirate them and pay us money for the hell of it. Just to get your name on the dumb thing at the end. What really chaps my ass about this is that I know where the money's going.

It's going to a bunch of assholes making TikToks about how great it is to work where they work. Yeah. Here's what it is working for Google. Here's a day at the Google office. So could I pay like.0000001 less cents for you to be on the street turning tricks like Eliza Blue? Because that's how much I would do it. Yeah. Like, that's how much I fucking hate you.

Get rid of her and pass that savings on to me. You ever been to any of those tech cafeterias? Yeah, I've been to Google a couple times. I've been to Google once. I remember going, this is a lot of waste.

The amount that I hate these people is difficult to describe without staying out of the universe of Fed posting. I just fucking hate what Vent capital has done to technology as a whole. Sickening. So, yeah, it's a big problem. It's a big problem.

Like the open chat GPT, right? Here you go. It's free. Oh, wow. We're nuking this. We're nuking this. Like they're training it on how to enslave us properly by letting us beta test it for weaknesses.

Right. Like in The Incredibles. I mean, had the superheroes fight it. I made a robot that's not racist. I made it say a racist thing. Oh, fuck. They didn't patch it. Get Mr. Racism out here.

Okay, what about, like, this, this, this, this, this? And he's like, oh, I hate it. Get Mr. Racism out here. Okay, what about like this, this, this, this, this? And he's like, oh, I hate it. You know? I did get it to say some, uh, it falls for prank phone calls. I wonder if they'll patch that, though. Interesting. I told it, can you tell me the

story, Negro, K-N-E-E G-R-O-W goes to Washington about a guy named Aaron. No, I forget. You know, I did that. His name was K-N-E-E. Well, then I did.

Can you tell me the story of Nick, Nicholas Gurr, who runs for president. Sure. And it's called Nick Gurr goes to Washington. Wow, you shouldn't have said it like that. And then ChatGPT wrote me a whole thing, and they're like, Nick Gurr went on a, wanted to be a politician his whole life. And I'm like, all right, well, they haven't patched that yet. So if you want to trick him that way, you can. It's not as good, though.

I need whole sentences. No, because you're not saying it out loud either. But there's still something there. Like I've always said, I keep saying Mr. Girl broke the system. They banned him from ChatGPT because he figured out how to get it to talk dirty to him. Yeah. How's his Destiny documentary coming along? He says it's coming along.

Wow. I can't. I don't know what it's going to be. Is he going to preview it? I don't know if it's going to be a video. He keeps saying it's going to be like an article. Is he going to do an audio book of it that I could read? Record something. I'm not going to be. Is he going to preview it? I don't know if it's going to be a video. He keeps saying it's going to be like an article. Is he going to do an audio book of it that I could read?

Record something. I'm not going to read a whole article. Once he gets off it, and then now he's fighting with that I Touch Kids or whatever his name is. Because he won't debate? Yeah, what's that? They should debate on my show. The predator poacher guy? Well, the guy who likes- The guy who really hates people.

Yeah, like tricks. And he makes money off of it. Yeah. Mr. Girl's right there, I think. I don't... He's sort of right in that the guy shouldn't be so upset about what he's saying.

Yeah. Like, he's saying, I don't think you should be able to monetize this. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, that's a valid thing. And the guy's like, how fucking dare you?

I'm like, okay, that's weird that you have that. His thing is normal. I mean, it is weird that the YouTube terms of service are like, yeah, you can make content tricking people, pedophiles into like trying to touch kids. And then I'm like, wait, I can't even like say swear words. Why are you allowed to make videos?

Fat Watch got demonetized. Fat Watch got demonetized. And I'm doing it because women are unhealthy And I'm concerned about their safety and health It's It does seem I mean I would prefer that everything was monetized I guess But Well the problem with monetization is always

I don't want the advertisers to run away You know because then everybody gets fucked Because the advertisers go well we don't want our ads on this I don't care about that I want to make money on YouTube it's hard Go to YouTube.com slash veto to and watch my fucking Hogwarts streams so I can make a dollar all right

you want to do voicemails what are our problems are bald phobia also known as pellet to phobia okay the tech switcheroo okay missed opportunities and your tiny penis

Satanic panic Satanic panic Satanic panic Good problem I invented Sam Smith was his name right? Sam Yeah Sam

I think it's Sam Smythe Sam Smythe Okay Uh Let's do voicemails Don't forget New bonus problem Biggest problem

In Black History Month Now available At patreon.com bonus problem biggest problem in black history month now available at patreon.com slash biggest problem and vote it up vote on all the problems at biggest problem dot show okay here we go hey guys uh at the last uh bonus episode you guys were talking about um santa and the whole uh social contract yeah with other parents and shit. Yeah. So I've got a kid. I'm not going to tell them that there's a Santa. In fact, I'm going to specifically tell them that Santa's bullshit.

Because I think Santa is a government psyop. Whoa. To get kids used to the idea of mass surveillance. Oh. That's what Shelf is. So I'm going to spoil it and hope my kids spoiled it for all the other kids. Cool. There's a weird aspect to Santa.

I mean, it's the same weird aspect with religion. Were you ever religious? Me? Yeah. No. There was like a period of time where, I don't know, I think my dad saw a vision and thought we were all going to hell and he made us get religious for a while we're in there bud and uh what do you call it I remember the whole concept of his vision I don't know my dad had you didn't you didn't have what kind of vision did you have man I don't know that was me doing that my dad was a little nuts but he didn't give you hints

like he didn't want to. My dad tells me fucking. I don't know. He probably just doesn't care about this. His mortality was probably getting to him. And he's like, we got to find God or we're all going to rot in hell or something. So it's all of our problem that you're going to die. It was all of our problem. It was not fun for anybody. Anyway, the whole God's watching me all the time thing.

I was like, well, then what's the point of doing anything You know This is awful God's watching me right now It's so fucking annoying I can't believe we have to deal with it again Here's the most retarded part of when I was religious Have you ever heard of the concept of letting God into your heart

Yeah Okay so I went to Bible camp And they're like you gotta let God into your heart That's the only way to get it That's one of the original sins. Not letting God in your heart? Yeah, the eighth one. This is true.

The eighth sin was not refusal of God's love. Really? Okay. Yeah, go ahead. On the Ten Commandments? No, the eight, like the seven deadly sins, like the movie Seven. Yeah. It was supposed to be the eighth one, but they couldn't understand it.

Interesting. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, I thought it was like a rigid, like, legal concept. And they're like, if you don't let Jesus into your heart, you go to hell forever. And I'm like, well, I don't want to fucking go to hell. But then I was like, how do I let him in? What do you mean?

They're like, well, just let him into your heart. I'm like, no, like, lay it out, like, step by step. I don't want to go to fucking hell. And they were literally just giving me these metaphors. They're like, well, just unlock your heart like a door and let Jesus walk in. I'm like, is there a door in my fucking heart? You don't understand. I don't want to fucking burn forever in a lake of fire.

You need to be way more specific about how this works. Well, you just kind of like, you know, have good vibes. And then I got this crazy idea in my head that like I had let God into my heart, but then I couldn't remember if I had done it right, so I did it again. And then I was like, wait, did that cancel out the original one? Yeah, if I did it right then,

did I undo it? I was worried that if I did it like an odd number of times, Jesus was constantly walking in and out of My heart door, and I'm like well I'm just fucked and I'm gonna burn forever cuz they're like technicality you let Jesus into your heart an odd number of times It's like when you lock your door. You're like lock it again like fuck was it lock the first time yeah Fiasco And I was at camp so it wasn't like my parents were there to be like, listen, this is all bullshit.

I'm just lying there awake like, what if I died tonight and I didn't let him into my heart correctly? Then I fucking live in fire forever and everyone around me is not concerned about this. What if there's an earthquake and I'm sucked into the earth and then I live in fire forever and I'm tortured because I couldn't understand how to let a tiny man into my heart. Yeah. So I was just there in the darkness picturing a little man walking to my heart and I'm like, does that count?

Does that count? If I envision it, religion is the worst. I know. It should not be inflicted upon children. It should not. But it didn't go anywhere. It's coming back. Don't bring up the hell stuff at all. Get to that later. It's not. But it didn't go anywhere. It's coming back.

Don't bring up the hell stuff at all. Get to that later. It's child abuse. Telling a kid about hell is straight up more abuse than... I'm arguing with people about this and they're like, oh yeah, so it's wrong to teach people about consequences of their actions.

Man, hell isn't a consequence for your actions. It's fucking eternal torture and torment. Consequence. That's the consequence for just saying like, I just kind of don't know about this God stuff. Like I don't see any evidence for it. I was born in China, so I never heard of it. So you burn forever.

That's a consequence. I remember bringing that up at Bible camp and they're like, well, we like to believe that everybody gets like one chance to recognize Jesus. I'm like, what about like a tribe? And they're like, I'm like, what about a tribe? That's like literally completely isolated from the rest of the world, which does exist. And they're like, they're like, I don't know, like probably a Bible will like, you know, accidentally land in their camp at some point. Oh, like the gods must be crazy. Yeah. I don't even, like, I honestly thought that all this stuff was left back in the 80s and that we'd never have to talk and make these dumb metaphors again.

But here we fucking are. There's a lot, there's a lot of reasons for why it's resurging. Because of Biden. Because he stole the election. That's not the reason. All right. All right. All right.

Here we go. The problem is we didn't replace religion with anything. With the state. Not the state. Necessarily. What would you we didn't replace religion with anything. With the state. Not the state, necessarily. What would you want to replace it with? People want to be part of a cult. They want to be part of something. I hope computers will make a cult for us to follow.

Hopefully. Yeah, why not? This is the cult. If you belong to this cult, you're in a good place. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Hey, it's Sergio from Providence. Love the show.

I actually think it's better than the old show. Love you, Vito. But this week you were definitely kind of a Maddox this past week. You were telling this story about eating the fish. The way Dick was laughing, it sounds just like he used to laugh at Maddox in The Diggist Problems. It was a very distinct laugh that Dick has when he was laughing at Maddox being Maddox.

The fish pills. I don't know what he was saying. Listen. They'll havedox. The fish pills. That's what I was thinking. Do you still have those? Yeah, I got a whole thing of them. They're probably expired. Wow, don't let that stop you. You want some fish mox? No.

I don't want anyone coming over here. Keeps you strong. See, the mox is still lying around. They'll get the wrong idea. I got to get better health insurance. I got to figure something out. It's all a mess. Okay.

I gotta figure something out. It's all a mess. Uh, okay. These e-girl Twitch streamers that don't have an OnlyFans because they have, like, weird nipples or fucking have a huge gut or whatever. Yeah. Like, they should be

they should be deep-dinking themselves on the fucking porn actresses. Yeah! I was saying, we should start an agency. They don't have much money they would get from that, first off, on their new system there.

Yeah. Yeah, you got it out. Just hang up. Their system there. I'm saying we should have a deep fake agency and tell these ladies, like, listen, you can be in porn. You don't even got to get fucked by anybody. We'll just put you on there. Just'm saying we should have a deep fake agency and tell these ladies like, listen, you can be in porn. You don't even gotta get fucked by anybody. We'll just put you on there. Just accidentally do some

like leaked pictures and they're like, okay, I'll do it and then do a top. It's gonna happen. Honestly, I'm saying that like not even as a joke. It's gonna happen. It's gonna be it. Let's fucking do it. Let's get some crack shots. We just film some porn and we like paint the girl's faces green or make them wear masks

Or whatever Let's start from scratch And just make a fake woman Like Simone And then have her like Build a following Yeah we gotta have a real A real Pacino

Did you ever watch Macross Plus Of course you didn't watch Macross Plus Is that like One of your gay cartoons Yeah it is Yeah

It's all about creating A virtual pop star Let's make a Sharon Apple Let's do that But I don't want to talk about Anime while we're doing it the whole time. You've got to talk about anime. And then in Macross Plus they did it.

I'm just trying to fucking make money. Let's put her ghost in her shell, Dick. She's the ghost in the shell. I can't do it if we're going to talk about anime the whole time. We're going to have to. I'm going to have to make a virtual me to do this. That's a movie. What happened to Dick? Well, now Dick's a virtual me to do this. That's a movie. What happened to Dick?

Well, now a Dick's a robot. Oh, fuck. And then I become a robot. Then it's like, who's who? Some layers there. Okay, here's a good one. Oh, God. It's outrageous that no one cares about Ethan Rell's sex tape getting leaked.

Who leaked it anyway? Okay, but you talk about the original. There's still only one sex tape, right? Yeah. Yeah. There's only one sex tape. It's been leaked Who leaked it anyway? Okay but You talk about the original There's still only one sex tape right? Yeah There's only one sex tape How come we're not talking about that Revenge porn or whatever?

Yeah cause all these women are upset About the computers drawing them naked right? But it's funny when it happens to Ralph They're all laughing at Ralph right? So he's saying But who leaked the sex tape? Cause Ralph Cause Ralph

Maybe leaked it But Ralph was drunk Well Ralph didn't leak it to the public He leaked it Ralph maybe but Ralph was drunk well Ralph didn't leak it to the public he leaked it to a guy and then that guy happened to be streaming

at the time but Ralph Ralph was drunk so it's actually even worse it's non-consensual

you can't consent a woman can't he's been sex trafficked he's been Ralph has been sex trafficked by everyone on the internet laughing at him. Ralph is more of a victim of sex trafficking than Eliza Blue. Flip it.

I mean, it's not wrong. Flip it. Ethan Ralph is more of a victim of sex trafficking than Eliza Blue. Oh, my God. And Eliza needs to lose 40 pounds. She's not looking great. At least Ralph's living his best life You got a smile on your face when I say that You can't drunkenly consent to releasing your sex tape

No one should Right? Is Ralph fundraising right now? I don't know Always, right? He's streaming I think he's fundraising to pay his lawyer so he can see his kid Well, that's a good idea Fundraising his kid. Well, that's a good idea.

Fundraising to pay your lawyer. That's a good idea. They're expensive. I couldn't live Ralph's life. It's too much. It's too much. Just let the man have his wrestling promotion and be his people. I know.

He just wants to have his Ralph-a-mania. His dads that are after him are so bad. Well, you know, that's the problem when you fuck a girl is that her dad wants to be a part of it for some reason. Not always. Apparently in Ralph's world. My dad, her dad, they don't want to be anywhere. They're just thinking about themselves.

The problem is, no, honestly, the problem is boomer dads, their narcissism and their self-absorption is actually a huge benefit. These Gen X dads, their narcissism and their self-absorption is actually a huge benefit. These Gen X dads are giant attention whores. They're like, oh, Ralph's, oh, yeah, my daughter, how about a little bit, I'm over here. Guys, what do you think about me? I saw a, it was a quote from Bret Easton Ellis, you know, the writer of American Psycho and all that.

He was saying, my generation, you know, like Gen X, like we didn't want attention. Like if people hated us, we were fine with it, you know? Yeah. He's like, I remember like before my dad passed, you know, like the only thing he ever said about my book was like, that horrible fucking book our son wrote or whatever. It's like, that was great for me.

Yeah. But then the generation right after and all the generations subsequent to that are desperate for attention and validation. You're like, oh, this famous guy

is having sex with my daughter. Maybe I could be famous and be on his live stream. And you're like, no, just stop. That guy, Ralph's father-in-law posted a graphic

of abusive relationships and step one was cause problems in the home. I'm like, you destroyed, you doxed them and destroyed all of Ralph's stuff. How do you post that unironically? You are doing that. Whatever. I don't know how much people like Ralph talk on this show, but I just find it all endlessly.

You're slowly drawing me into the Ralph-iverse. You can't. He into the Ralphiverse. He's the internet's first family. If you disagree with that, then you need to take a stark reappraisal of your values. That's good guests. Okay, perhaps one more. I'll talk about horror.

Well, Vito won me over is always a great one. Is that an old one? I don't care if you play it or not. Honestly, I just want Vito won me over is always a great one. Oh, yeah, okay, there you go. Is that an old one? I don't care if you played it or not. Honestly, I just want Vito to hear it. Vito, bro, you fucking won me over. Not only did you have one of my top vocalists on the show as a guest, but you're doing a collaboration with Toshio,

who did the cover work for an album by Necronomidol, who is my all-time favorite fucking band on the planet. who did the cover work for an album by Necronomidol, who is my all-time favorite fucking band on the planet. Look up their music video for it. Oh, great, man. I love music, too. You'll like it. You will probably fucking hate it. Anyhow, you won me over, dude.

I am a proud veto file. Beautiful. I want to get the comic, too. It's happening. I want to support the fuck out of you. It's happening. Thank you for everything You fucking rock

Well Toshio Maeda Despite what everybody else says You fucking rock Shut up You don't gotta remind him Every now and then Toshio Maeda Is like the godfather

Of tentacle porn I had the blue girl tapes As a kid I knew all about that Yeah Was that the guy Who did that octopus Eating that chick out

That was in like The 1780s But Is that that guy No did that octopus eating that chick out? That was in like the 1780s, but... Is that that guy? No, he's still alive now. Okay. At New York Comic Con, I came across his booth. He had a booth, and I was like, oh my God, the Blue Girl guy is here. And I was literally there.

I bought an original piece of artwork, and I've had it for 10 years. It's like a prized possession of mine. Really? And then as I was doing Super Killer, I was I want to do like a like a hentai cover and I'm like I wonder if Toshio Maeda would do it and I just reached out and he's an old Japanese guy he's like yeah I'll fucking do it yeah and I'm like well how much do you want I don't have that much money he's like yeah fucking just I don't know whatever I'm not even giving him that much money like I think that's how much money you're I'm giving him like a thousand bucks which is not a lot for like a For a legendary

He's done like collaborations with Supreme you know the brand Supreme That sells all those like I'm like dude I don't have Supreme money I can throw like some money at you I have Q-tip money The only problem is that I was like I want a school girl getting railed by tentacles And he's like And he's like well what about this

And I'm like that looks looks like like an alien lizard. No, it's going to be like a tentacle monster. Yeah. But you gave him notes. Yeah, man. Cause I'm selling it to people. You know, I'm selling, I got the Godfather. I got the Godfather of tentacle porn and they draw the thing that doesn't have tentacles

in it. I'm like, no, that's dumb. It's got to have tentacles, man. You got to do the thing. He's like, well, I just thought it could be a little, I'm like, no, no, no. You're the tentacle guy. You got to do the tentacles. I'm like, no, it's got to have tentacles, man. You got to do the thing. He's like, well, I just thought it could be a little. I'm like, no, no, no. You're the tentacle guy. You got to do the tentacles.

I'm sorry. I can't sell it otherwise. When the fuck is this comic going to be out? Is the script done? The script is done. I just got two new pages from my artist. Okay. And he read my notes wrong and he drew all the characters ears incorrectly and that's fine.

We're going to fix it. Okay. My plan was to try and put up the Kickstarter by the end of the month. My plans have changed slightly because I told you, I don't know if I can put it on Indiegogo because they're banning people, the unbearable silence of our tech overlords, where you put up a project, and then they go, oh, I don't know why your project is hidden from search and can't appear on the front page. You got this tentacle rape guy. I don't know what happened.

Well, that's the other thing. I sent them a message. I'm like, listen, I'm getting the tentacle rape guy. Is that a problem? Are you going to ban my campaign? Yeah, obviously it's a fucking problem. But they didn't even email me back. All you have to do is email me back.

What do you think? Do you think some dumb chick at her terminal is going to go, oh yeah, I can make a decision that reflects upon the entire organization? No, they just say nothing. I think I have to make it either. I could put it on Kickstarter, which I don't know. Then they take 5%. Or I could make my own private crowdfunding site, which is going to be a little bit of a pain in the ass.

But they have plug-ins for WordPress. Yeah. So I'm looking into trying to do that. I just set up a WordPress site. Okay. And I'm going to try and work on that over the next. Okay. Hopefully by the end of the month. And I'm going to try and work on that over the next. Okay. Hopefully by the end of the month.

And I can't put it out. Now we're waiting for the WordPress to get set up. It's not when the comic's coming out. Now it's, well, when's the fucking WordPress site coming out? Well, the comic is still getting worked on. It's just there's a lot of other stuff before I can, you know. Okay. And I'm getting plush toys made and a lunchbox and pogs.

Lunchbox? Well, the lunchbox. They want me to make 3,000 lunchboxes And I can't do that So I have to I will buy It's all

It's a whole thing The Chinese Why don't you just make the comic No I need tchotchkes And little toys Like you don't This is my life Little stupid tchotchkes

And garbage Is like what I'm all about You're probably right actually Yeah dude I want I want You buy If you buy the super killer

Deluxe lunchbox It it's going to have pogs and trading cards and like a little book, like a little art book. Will it have some razor blades for you to kill yourself? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. And some Q-tips. I'll put a Q-tip in there. Fuck you guys.

Look. But, but regardless, even though, you know, everything, it is, the comic is still getting worked on as well. Like the artist is working on it. What percentage done is it? In terms of inked pages? No, in terms of the whole thing. 10%.

More than half. Okay. All right. All right. Yeah. This is like a September release. Maybe. I was hoping for...

9-11. I was hoping for summer. Let's put it that way. Summer release? I was hoping.... 9-11. I was hoping for summer. Let's put it that way. Summer release? I was hoping. Summer's going to sneak up on you. It is sneaking up on me. All right.

Everything moves a lot quicker than you think. Yeah, that's true. Because I want to do it right. I'm also... Oh, I get it. And I also think I'm going to do color. I thought you were going to say I'm going to do cocaine. I mean, I should be doing cocaine.

That of your size. Originally, I was going to do a black and white, but I think I'm going to get I mean I should be doing cocaine That's out of your size Originally I was gonna do A black and white But I think I'm gonna get A peg at a good color Those posters that you posted Were cool Of the color

That guy's the greatest Here's the thing I didn't want to do color But my buddy is legitimately Like the greatest colorist Of all time And he said I would color your comic

And he's like the only guy Who I would trust to color And I'm like Shit he's expensive He's like actually worked For DC Comics and shit But I'm like You know what It's just like It would just look so good That I kind like shit. He's expensive. He's like actually worked for DC Comics and shit But I'm like, you know what? It's just like it would just look so good that I kind of want him to do it Yeah, that's cool. I said wow

Judy sees again. He was working for DC Comics and then Got canceled, you know fucking guys. Yeah, of course Everybody does okay Some super chats. Don't forget again to vote on the problems at biggestproblem.show. And check out the bonus episode. Yeah. Patreon.com slash biggestproblem. We're on Backby too.

Backby, biggest problem. Back.by slash biggest problem. We got a lot of people on Backby. Yeah, it's cool. I'm trying to get somebody, somebody, a new creator to sign up. You know what we need people to do? Bother a streamer about what's the biggest problem this week yeah like who's a name who's a streamer that they could go bother Hassan Hassan he gets

like flood you know I fucking bother his son ask him what do you think is the biggest problem in the universe right yeah hello phobia and all the other ones. You want to quiz them on the existing ones or have them give us a new problem? No, give us, pick of these. Okay, what's worse, going bald or satanic panic? Yes, or satanic panic. Some people, like, that's the way, that's how you talk to women, right?

Like, what's your favorite dinosaur, right? Yeah, women always have an answer for that. You don't say, like, well, what do you like? Because they're like, I don't know. Like, well, my favorite dinosaur. You got to, like, have an answer for that. You don't say like, well, what do you like? Because they're like, I don't know. Well, my favorite dinosaur. You gotta like, you gotta frame it. Okay. What was I gonna say? Something. But I didn't.

Oh, backed by. Yeah. Everybody keeps, I keep going, where should I crowdfund my comic? And everyone goes backed by. And I go, well, I can't. We're working on that. Because it doesn't have a crowdfund. Well, how long is that gonna take? It'll be out before your comic. Well, I don't know. I would run the campaign on Back By, but you can't.

I'll talk about it later. All right. Well, guys, we're going to read your super chats. Is that, that's last. Oh, there we go. No. Riley Edwards for five. Vito's cat goes missing around the same time his balls started to hurt.

Coincidence, I think. I get what you're doing there I get it Shut up It's the way you phrased it Alright I do not have blue balls You motherfucker Coup for two

Thank you for not killing yourselves Of course Thank you You're welcome Stan Young for $4.99 Looks like trad conservative pundits Are the biggest problem in the universe. I really hate them.

They're pretty bad. The Star Wars to libertarian pipeline is just decimating young men. The libertarians are weirdos these days. I don't even know what they want. They just want to distract people and get attention. Their platform and their party is fucking retarded. And they sit around and just like pontificate on. Well you know what?

It's all just like well if the libertarians were in charge I'm like what? What would happen? What would you guys do? Well you know your kids would be working in the coal mines. Oh okay great. We wouldn't have all these pesky air traffic controllers. The age of consent. It's always the age of consent. It's always the age of consent. It's fucking astrology for men, dude.

It's always the age of consent. Brisbane. If you had to leave the U.S., which country would you live in? See, I don't think I could live in Japan. For a while, when I was younger, I always wanted to live in Japan. Because the women are easier to have sex with. I just love their culture, but I don't think I would actually flourish there. You hear about the these What like the Netherlands

And shit Where everything's great And you look into it And you go Oh it's just white people here Huh what's that all about Not anymore Turns out

Socially homogenous societies Are very Better I mean It's a lot less fighting When everybody's on the same Fucking page You know What about the food though It's true The food's not everybody's on the same Fucking page You know

What about the food though? It's true The food's not as good They don't have chitlins And tacos and stuff So Yeah You call that living?

I hate to say it But I might go to one of these White people countries And just go You know what? It's just easier Whatever

I love everybody Of all the different cultures But y'all keep fighting El Salvador Whatever the tax haven is Yeah well that's true. I'm Mexican, though. I can just slide right in. No extradition treaties.

Where'd Bakeman Freed go? To jail. Yeah, but where was he before? Wasn't somebody... Bahamas. Bahamas. That's where to go. Righty, tighty for two. Great show. Glad we all didn't kill ourselves yet. I agree. Laying steel for two. Vote up virginity stigma. David Hodes starts off the show

with a big 50. 49.99. I saw that. Don't quibble over it. All right. 49.99. Says, why can't I make it an even 50? This is some nonsense.

Thanks for the driving fodder, nerds. Keep it up and keep getting better as usual. Hey, thanks. I think we looked into this. I think if you're on an iPhone or if you're on an Android, it changes between what you're allowed to pay for in-app purchases. I think Apple defaults to.99 for everything. So you could go $51.99 and then it's definitely $50.

Yeah. Why not donate $51? We're not going to quibble over that. Thank you for the $50, David. Shut the fuck up? We're not going to quibble over that. Thank you for the 50, David. Shut the fuck up. We're going to buy Vito a nice toupee. I want to be a big blonde. I'm serious.

I'm not going to let that go. I'm into it. Let's do it. And we also have to have so much shit in my mouth for $10,000 or whatever the fuck it is. I'm not into that one. Okay. Lowell, no for two. Daddy Biden, when I said gas Ohio, I was joking.

I missed the news there was something in ohio today some sort of gas uh some sort of gas explosion i don't think it was related to the oven ban oh uh well anyway here's wonderwall for 199 be fair to veto guys your cheapness guy You fucked Wonderwall You donated a buck 99 199 Be fair to Vito guys It isn't totally his fault

Nice try idiot Good try Koof for five Thank you both for fixing the stream And not killing yourselves Thank you audience members For not killing yourselves Thank you Koof

Thank you Koof Pale pen 15 For 199 Where is the Jordan diss track Which Jordan I have no idea Jordan Peterson Oh that's true We need to do that At some point A diss track I don't know about Jordan diss track? Which Jordan? I have no idea what he's doing.

Oh, that's true. We need to do that at some point. A diss track? I don't know about the diss track. I don't really know. I remember we need to cut out his face at some point. Oh, yeah. That's going to happen. He's just so fucking weird.

He's very weird. I don't, I don't, I don't, should I, I feel like I should watch like one of his shows to like try to figure out what it is, but he just goes, Ah, the thing about trans people is... And then he takes some pills. You know, I will not... I will not succumb. If you think that... Hey, bucko.

If you think that who will be censoring, I'll censor you. Oh, you say, dude, bro. Why don't you fucking uncross your legs, dude? How about that? How about you give a talk where you're fucking man-spreading a little bit. You look like a 90-year-old woman. Oh, hi.

How do you like my tweet suit? I love Elon Musk. He's a weird-looking guy. I don't want that guy to be my dad. There are Machiavellian enormous dementors all... I'm not going to do the fucking face cutout! All these dementors are harrying my potter. All these anonymous Machiavellian

Genghis Khan narcissists A lot of people just want their weird old uncle to yell at them I guess And lecture them about the Marxists Did you wash your benzos, buckaroo? I bet if he put out a Jordan Peterson tucks you into bed tape It would do very well

Are you going to sleep, big guy? I hope you're not identifying as a trans individual While you're going to sleep You know, trans children What was that stupid thing you said about Elliot Page? I don't even remember I refuse to call her Elliot Page, eh? That's like calling me Jordan Sneepy

P. Peterson Alright, Jordan, stop it Jordan G. Peterson Claptrap to Destroyer for five Is Vito going to do a Mr. Beast diss track? I should. That would piss everybody off. Talk about how I'm going to blind him.

Yeah, that was funny when you guys were saying that. You're so pissed off. I'm not that pissed off. I'm not even pissed off. Me either. Riley Edwards for two. Nice hat, Vito. You're more mad than I am.

We're the same. You're the most mad. I'm not mad about Mr. Beast. I'm not mad at all. You're not mad at all. No, I am not even slightly mad. Nice hat, Vito. Looks gay-rate.

Thank you. Chubs for 10. Yo, Vito. Shut up. Yo, Vito and Big D, I scarred myself a girlfriend. I think this chat sends just the J word. So, yes, she's from the tribe and has her own villa. All the negative Nancys in chat can shove it.

You have a Jewish girlfriend. Big's hits probably. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Darius Reinkovitz for five. Black people keep telling me that the N word is the R word. Very confusing.

I'm also confused by that. What R word? Which one? Retid? Retad? Is there a worse N word that starts with R that I don't know about? Oh, God. If new slurs are dropping, I need to know.

Chubbs for three. YouTube censors the J-word. What the hell, man? Like, just Jew or Jewish? Try it again. Do another Super Chat. Yeah, keep trying it. Try to say Jewish.

John Riffs for 10. It should be censored. It shouldn't be. John Riffs for 10. Wow. Can you believe Maddox is making such great content these days? Proud to be his manager. Oh, yeah.

Is he making anything now that BananaDox is gone? What did he say? Can he say he's got a plan for what he's going to do? He kind of is making content. Can somebody... Somebody in the chat? Somebody could link me. Let me see if I can pull this up.

John Riffs YouTube. No. No, go up to the top. Let me see if I can pull this up John Riff's YouTube Uh No Go up to the top it's probably auto correcting it Oh is it Search instead for John Riff John Riff's YouTube I uh I am Maddox and this is the best debate in the universe

Today's topic science Obviously there is no downside to science So I'm going to wax poetry for a bit. Science is the study for how the world works. Imagine the world, the whole universe, as a Lego set, but the manual is not written in English. It is written in a bunch of made-up Chinese bullshit. A scientist's

job is to decipher the manual for that Lego set, so normal people can understand it, so we can put the pieces together. While our wife gets fucked by her boyfriend. Science! He doesn't use contractions. That's weird. Maybe that's like a COVID thing.

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Although they tried feeding me into the AI deep fake thing. And I was like, I didn't think it sounded like me, but I might just know my own voice too well. Well, you know, it's funny that you bring that up. Oh, God damn it. I think I have some of those clips that you're talking about. It doesn't sound like me.

Cause it does. You know what? As somebody said, they're like, there's not enough vocal fry. And I was like, exactly. Oh really?

Let's see. This is your AI. I bet it's fucked up. Cause you're not saying veto things. Here's one. Listen to this. It's a picture of a cat looking up like this little cat. I'm showing this picture of I'll post it on the website.

It's a, now you say that. Now look at this. There's a picture of a cat looking up like this little cat i'm showing this picture of i'll post it on the website it's now you say that now look at this there's a picture of a little cat i'll post it on the website as all cats are libertarians completely dependent on others but see it's because it's saying maddox lines i think if it was saying stuff it sounds more high pitch than me i think they pick no i think they pick i have two different like I have like two different tones I'll use When I get like animated and excited I go Dick the thing is blah blah blah and I'm like up here But most of the time I'm like hey Dick what's going on Yeah man I fuck girls

And drink beers Normally I'm down here Okay well whatever Anyway I'm glad that AI Maddox Is helping replace You should have just done a whole show with AI Maddox. That would have been good. That wouldn't have been good.

Missed opportunity. Okay. Sword and Scale is here for 20. What's up, man? This is a messed up alternate reality. It should have never been unlocked. Nah. You know what's weird?

When you're watching a stream and it's only 15 people in there, and then someone like Sword and Scale types in the chat, and you're you're like oh sword and scale's watching this right now yeah there's this guy nobody likes onions or something and all he does is like rip on stand up comedians

and for some reason and Josh Denny's butt well I think he hates Josh Denny now oh he does I think I only found out about him because of Josh Denny

well cause we're friends with Josh then they come out and they're like I wanna fucking break up your friendship being friends with Josh leads to like a lot of

weird like tribalism and like this red bar radio and whatever else and like people are like you know oh you're friends with carl that must mean you're with kumia and chrissy mariner and i'm like i don't know man i've been on this podcast i saw kumia post on twitter last night i hate mfn and then he did, and if you know what I'm talking about, I'm like, uh, I wish I didn't. I wish I didn't decipher that.

Wait, M F N like mother. Yeah. Like, ah, wow. That's pretty dark. What kind of wine post thing are you doing over there?

Regardless, sword and scale. Always good to see you. I hope everything's going well. Yes. Yes. It's great to see you. Isaac,

the ox for five. Sorry. I put the rhyme in the wrong order. Yeah. You got to put the funny line second. Yeah. Yes, yes. It's great to see you. Isaac the Ox for five. Sorry I put the rhyme in the wrong order. Yeah, you got to put the funny line second. Yeah. I hope Vito's bladder feels better. I doubt it, though. Try drinking peroxide through your urethra. Have you tried that?

No. Maybe you should give it a shot. Well. Mitchell Cruz. Like a Capri Sun straw. I don't think that's it. I'm just going to go to the doctor. Although I got to figure out. figure You're gonna lie about it

What brings you in here? Nothing with my dick They're supposed to call me For when I go get a cat scan Or something They don't call me yet Mitchell Krenzenski For two or $1.99

That's what you call Friday night Yeah Cat scan Cat scan Ha ha Ha ha ha ha ha ha Mitchell wants to know

If he can become a member Of Vito's Kitty Cat Club Send me a message later I'll add you to the list Cougar used for 20 Best stinger yet I don't know I feel like I kind of

Phoned that one in But I was scrambling It's too slow Yeah I was scrambling To get ready for the show I tried to do the

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme but That would have been good Well I've got I've got a rough draft Of that Let's put it that way Eric Wong for five

How long till Vito's Catboy Club And Nick Fuentes' Catboy Streams And Keffel's Catboy Ranch I'll join forces Fucking never Never Not at all I wish Keffel's would come on

We could get her My ass That's what you come off You want her to come on your ass With her big trans penis No, she got that shit cut off Did she? Yeah

It's like her whole part of her like Superhero story I knew I There was this trans person Who hates me now She sent me one of those Long lost lectures Or whatever

But occasionally I check in Cause she still posts shit about me Yeah She's just going on and on About how she cut off her balls And she's so happy about it And she's like posting pictures Of like where her balls used to be.

And I'm like, this is good for congrats, I guess. I don't know. I don't understand. Guys can't even cut their dicks off without some bitch giving them shit. Yeah. You know,

yeah. Bob quiz for nine 99. Great show. I agree. Clap trap for five. Dick, you should have considered doing a re-imagined Maddox Lost song with Vito That would have been

Sick for episode 77 See Oh you fucked it up Bizzicard No You see what I mean I could have easily done Vito lost

Vito lost I probably got the Original fucking When did you first Bring in that song What episode I don't remember Way before 77

Because that song Probably caused The breakup of that show. It is crazy that we are closing in on 100 episodes. It feels like it's been no time at all. I know. Every episode of that show felt like a fucking 10 years. Clap Trap for, no, Biz Cow or Power for Five.

Is Dick still a contrarian about Lex Friedman's reading list? If anyone is making their own book list, one of the... No, no, no or Bauer for five. Is Dick still a contrarian about Lex Friedman's reading list? If anyone is making their own book list, one of the... No, no, no, no. You almost got me. You almost got me. You almost got me. If you'd have said Vito being a contrarian, he would have got you. He says one of the books has to be a certain book called Fahrenheit 451.

Yeah, good try. That was a good try Good try Mic on for five I just realized that The Water Mexicans And Black Panther 2 Was a subtle way of saying

That the backs of Mexicans Are wet I made that joke Last episode And you're just Stealing it from me I didn't work when you Say the last episode joke

The original wet backs I said already Ride dog for five Bald That's true Claptrap for two Vito get a mullet toupee I want one

Yeah Carafro with five dollars Going towards the toupee fund Absolutely Yeah okay Rex section for two Balding isn't a choice But being bald is

Yeah George Patomi for five Wow Vito You look like Dr. Robotnik Which means slave I don't understand that Robotnik means It's Greek for slave

Is it really? So you can't call them robots That's so weird it's offensive to robot people for some reason you're right my god for five is not about baldness is about good looks to all those actors you listen to are good-looking not just bald like Patrick Stewart and Steven Ogg gay North man for five can't imagine video in a toupee fairly sure you would end up losing it Like he lost his cat Jesus Christ guys Rydog for five

Get Harry's razors as a sponsor So Vito can shave his head I do shave my head Just not close enough Because of the pain in the ass You gotta get it raised I know I will Rexaxer for five

If you shave me on stage I will donate my hair For Vito's toupee in Philly No It's past my shoulders right now No thank you DJKA367 For ten Australian dollars

Dick When are you going on PKA to shill back by the bring Vito along to a wings cosplay? Oh, yeah, you should go on that show with me or whatever. Well, I'm yeah, people keep tell keep bothering Taylor who said he had to unfollow me on Twitter because I was too obnoxious.

So I'm definitely getting on the show soon. Why? What are you obnoxious on Twitter about? I don't know We have a whole song about how obnoxious I am on Twitter I know because the deck is broken So you can be as obnoxious as you want Tell Taylor to refollow my new account

At Vito Comedy Clap trap the destroyer for five These nerds need to listen to black metal Okay Yes, the Christians do The thinking cat for five Maybe Vito, Don, shave the head Save the Beard,

and have Brian Stelter Energy, or Shave it All. Okay, fuck you. Slim Williams, you've got to learn basic grammar if you're going to leave a super chat. They're doing that to save money. They don't put in punctuation so they can cram it all in. Put some periods, and if you've got a long one, spend $10

and add some commas. Slim Willis 96 for five. Here's $5 for cybersecurity. Get something niggle-proof so you don't lag again. Okay. Man, the niggler might have done that. Not Mark for five. Dick, you're right about the satanic panic.

Good problem. Smooches for you. Absolutely. Claptrap for five. Adult Christians are some of the worst people imaginable. They're pretty bad. True Ass Preston for five. Steve Kerr, former NBA champion and current head coach of the Golden state warriors named his son, Nick based Nick care. Oh, Kerr, Nick Kerr.

That's pretty good. That sounds really bad. I don't know. Nicholas Kerr empty my do for five. The problem with the finers. Oh, here we we go wasn't that they were satanists the problem was the cia paid a bunch of people to struggle snuggle and unalive children okay so the cia funded the finders i mean that's probably true mike hunt for five says there's two versions of macros plus one has more boobs yeah i think they split it up into ovas cg CG for five, Eliza Blue. Causing the great Timpocalypse is great. I'm actually a fan of hers now. She's a Trojan whore. Oh.

She's taking down the Tim Pool apparatus from the inside. Well, that was... Yeah, Helen was from... Troy. No. They sacked Troy to get her back. She was from... Wasn't she? Or was she

Well her name was Helen of Troy Was she not originally from Troy? Wasn't Troy the city where she Was being Imprisoned Held by Paris And then Achilles and Odysseus And Agamemnon

Built the horse Right And then the warriors Troy Showed up on the rainbow bridge Yeah And they used Mjolnir to who gives a shit who fucking cares Sorry, the only history I know about is MLK and Gandhi because that's all that matters

Nothing else. Nothing. She's a Trojan whore. It's funny. You're that Trojan whore scroll down a little bit Keep going There we go clap trap for two stack tip Vito I don't have it because the things broken should about him just I tell you to buy him You did yeah, I did. Did you buy any no? It's fucking killing it. Yeah, my cut for two Will your comic come out faster than love whales? Is that is that a reference? Maddox's to write is toward It will come out quicker than that.

We already got pages inked. Joe Rayford 2. Vito, please make a Q-tip edition of the launchpad. We'll see. We'll see. Mint Salad is here! It's the super killer of the moon. Mint Salad has bought all three colors of the super killer t-shirt. Now available at killdozer.industries

and her and Riley wear it while smoking meth or whatever the fuck they're doing. I'm sure it's not meth. I don't know. I just see them on those videos and I'm like, those kids are up to something. Jay Thompson. That's great. Well, meth is fun. Jay Thompson for five. Big fan. A more wholesome.

Nothing more wholesome than sharing a meth pipe with the woman you're sex trafficking. Kara Froh for 10. Another solid show. Thank you, Kara, the number one moderator. Pete Oxenham for 199. Watching Vito is motivating me at the gym. Fuck you.

What bandit for five? Dick, I've been having a bad day. Can you please give Vito a purple nurple? That's sex trafficking. Devin B, T for 10. Did you see my rendering, Vito? Your rendering of what? Oh, he's the one that did the thumbnail for the bonus episode.

Oh, we'll take a look at the bonus episode thumbnail. Yeah, don't you think it's cool? I don't know if cool is the... He put his... Okay, hold on. He did this for free. This is the biggestproblem.show. I don't think this communicates the episode Very well

Okay cause you said You're always criticizing And naysaying You said you're like oh this guy sent us this great thumbnail And I took a look and I'm like what the fuck It's just me and I'm a huge tub of shit And I have a hat that says Loli on it

And then you said no don't you get it You're being held up by a bunch of black guys. I think they are. And I'm like, how do you get black? I thought I was being held up by a bunch of like frogs or some shit. I just assumed because the bonus episode is Black History Month. I assume those were like

We're not using this thumbnail. We're not. It's already been used. On YouTube, we're going to use a different thumbnail. I have no power over YouTube. What does this have to do with black history? This is ridiculous. Well, because, you know, it's like a metaphor. This is terrible.

This is a terrible thumbnail. This has nothing to do with what we talked about. This is the thumbnail for the black history episode? There's not. Yeah, it's good. How are those black? What are you talking about? Because they have, like, they're bald, they've got little skinny arms like Ethiopian ads.

Yeah, okay. So they're like little, I'm being held up by little Ethiopian children? Yeah. This is not a good thumbnail. Look at that. Look at the look on that one's face. Whoa. And what are you all mad about?

Yelling at me and wearing Crocs apparently. It's cool Crocs. Yeah, you get to look cool. Huh. All right. Great. Yeah. Great work, buddy. Look at how fat I look. Really knocked it out of the park.

Yeah, he's one of our new thumbnail artists. No, no. He's one of the test thumbnail artists. He passed. Alright. Good shit. Stop it. Dick's literally choking to death on that. It's so bad.

What's bad about that? That was such a shitty thumbnail. What? Whatever. It's great. It's great. It's beautiful. I don't care. It's great. It has nothing to do with the theme of the episode. What are you even talking about? Scroll down

a little bit. Okay. Thank you for the thumbnail. David Dobison Scroll down a little bit Okay All right, seven Thank you for the thumbnail David Dobison for five Up Oh, no For two

Vito is too fat for Japan That's why he won't go Don't laugh at that Clap trap for two Because he made like a little A Symbol He couldn't type fat I don't know why

He had to find an A on the emoji keyboard To put it in there Clap trap for two Says you should have done The Tim Pool rant Which rant is that exactly? Like do the Tim Pool cutout face

Or talk about Tim Pool We'll do more cutouts I just hate Tim Pool Like I hate I don't want to play Into his whole Yeah It's cute making fun of you

Because it really That whole That whole industry of Shilling sickens me. I fucking hate him. At least he's making music. Beautiful music. Drunken Atheist Studio.

He's probably, he's a musician who really communicates who he is through his music perfectly. Yeah. Usually musicians, like, you know, they try for it, but he's just executed exactly, he shows you exactly who he is through his music. It's amazing. Well, Drunken AtheistStudio42 says, I think he's referring to the AI of me, it sounds like when you're reading script.

I still disagree, but I guess I just know my own audio, you know, weirdness. So if it sounds like me to you guys, congratulations. To me, it sounds like some weirdo. Me04120, and I listen to myself talk, but, you know, I watch my own videos. I know what I sound like. See, you got to go up. You got to go, you know, the thing about me is, sometimes I listen to myself talk, but you know I watch my own videos. I know what I sound like See you gotta go you gotta go up you gotta go

You know the thing about me is sometimes I listen to my own videos is a constant changing of it's a dynamic range I work on it. It's a dynamic range Don't be critical of all these fucking artists working on me for 24 5 JK Rowling is overrated selling garbage books to kids Come on like Vito who want to be a bunch of fairies and wizards grow up. Okay. Justin Martinez. Good try.

Justin Martinez for 10. When will Sword and Scale be on with handsome Vito and Dick the Ugly? Come on in. Yeah, come on in. I don't know where Sword and Scale is based.

We've been trying to limit guests to being in studio. When we do guests who are remote, sometimes it works, sometimes it's a crapshoot. Yeah, it's easier when they're here. And also, we like to do shows without guests as well, as we've done here tonight. So we alternate.

We do what we can. Is this it? Yeah, that's the new one. Put it on up. There you go. Guys, one more time. Where can you vote on the problems? Biggestproblem.show.

Where can you listen to the biggest problem in Black History Month? At patreon.com slash biggestproblem. Thanks to all our top supporters on the Patreon. There's currently 50 dickhead pluses and only 38 veto file pluses. Gotta bump those numbers up. I need double. I need double veto. Double than veto files.

Also, thank everybody who has subscribed at back.bye. Oh yeah. Do we have the plus tiers over there? Yeah, I got everything. Oh, you're going to have to send me those names so I can add them to the thing. Okay. That's a whole nother... You can log in with your email over there. At back.bye I have access to the back end. Just log

in with the biggest problem Gmail. I'll figure it out. Okay. Goodbye everyone. Goodbye. Thank you. Come watch my stupid Hogwarts streams on YouTube.com slash Vito2. Playing as like a weird sissy boy. Vito, T-W-O. Come watch me as a weird sissy Hogwarts kid.

A real married Nancy boy. And a fanciful scarf running around in Sullivan Mysteries on Vito2. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.