The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 78

Episode Date: February 17, 2023

Protein Clumps Sticking in Your Glass, Ethical Consumption Clowns, Halftime Shows, Train Wrecks

Networking. Oh, my show. My show, I like to do a boobies, but I like to do a little bit of a spit on the boobies. I love boobies. We get a lot of diverse voices talking about the boobies. What do you do on your show? That's enough about your show. So my show, what I like to do, I've been doing it for a while.

If you would have come on my show, we could do it that way. Or I could go on your show, talk about boobies. I went to the Ant-Man premiere and I had to listen to a bunch of movie critics Try to jerk each other off What were they saying? Just like, you know, we got a new webisode And we're gonna get the director Of Christmas Vagina

To come on You know, I like crappy movies That's my thing I love when the movie's shitty I really love it, because I like to love it because I like to laugh at it. I like to laugh at it. I like to laugh at it. The audience likes to laugh.

I'm laughing. It's fun. I'm laughing. Some of these movies, and you learn something from the bad movies. You learn some rules from the bad movies. Yeah, I even like it that they're, I like it better, even more better than the good movies. The bad movies.

You want to watch a bad movie marathon with me? They're making another birds movie. Did you see the birds 2? Birdemic? God fucking kill me. Yeah, movie nerds are... Troll 2? Did you know about Troll 2?

See, I can't get into movies because they're just not... I don't know. Especially nowadays. It's all Marvel shit. Yeah. Franchise shit. Okay. Ant-Man sucks.

Why? It was like a kid's movie. I felt like I was watching like Sky High. Yeah, I know, but like it was like the ultimate kid's movie. There was like nothing going on. Okay. Are you ready to do the show? Sure. Do you even have any comments? Okay, are you ready to do the show? Sure.

Do you even have any comments? No, I have nothing. You have nothing? We're doing the show early. I'm burnt out. We had to do the show a day early, and so I, you know. We have to do it early again next week, you know. I'll get prepared.

Because Chrissy Mayer is going to be here. Good. On Wednesday. It's going to be great. Her husband was fighting with me on Twitter again today. Again? Yeah, he won't leave me alone. Oh, wait a minute. Where's the... No! you don't have a cute i'm stumped no why was he fighting

with you because melanie mack who has a stalker uh-huh it's one of these things where an attractive white woman has like a slight amount of legal trouble and everyone goes yeah oh my god. Vito's Twitter. So what did you say? Vito being Vito on Twitter. The quartering set up a donation fund so she can legally handle her stalker. Thank god. And I said, well why doesn't she just pray to Jesus and hope it fucking

goes away. And then Frank Pellarino, Booker to the Stars Vito being Vito on Twitter. What did he say? He said, oh Vito, I noticedino, Booker to the Stars. What did he say? He said, oh, Vito, I noticed you forgot to link to the campaign to help out Melanie Mack. I was like, all right, whatever, man. Guys, God has forsaken Melanie Mack. We've got to come together as a community of men To defend women We need to send Melanie Mac money

She's got to have our money you guys Even though she clearly already makes plenty From all the sponsors It's pretty bad I like giving people money If they're making content like our show You're paying us for our product What could be more content than a woman in danger

The woman is in danger. God has forsaken her. God is trying her. It's that image with the green. What? Well, that's all her talking about 1 Corinthians. Is that something about how you should forgive people and accept their lifestyle? No, it's about how

gays are sinners. That's all her YouTube channel is. People are like, why don't you like Melody Mack? And I'm like, I don't know, because she's a sanctimonious church lady who gives stupid little lectures about sin. What's all this sin all over her body here? Yeah, all those tattoos. Leviticus doesn't have a problem with that, does it? I hate all that, like, Jesus shit, man.

Wait a minute. Is she really quoting Corinthians 6? Yes. Which is Old Testament. That the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God, do not be deceived, neither fornicators. I'm going to stop you right there. Yeah, what the fuck? Or idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexualss Nor sodomites Bitch

So you're saying that Dick suckers go to hell? Basically This is bigger than gays Vito This is 99% of the world You can't be a fornicator dick Then you go to hell And I don't understand

How people watch this And they go I guess when you're just like Cute and flirty It's fun to be a stupid church lady. Yeah. But I'm like, you guys realize this is just as bad as like anybody else who preaches this. Well, it's way worse.

It's way worse. The punishment is frequently death. Yeah, in most countries. And eternal damnation. This is what is used to justify, you know, chopping people's heads off. It's not cute. Well, I just think that Jesus wants you to stop Fornicating and having Homosexual relationships

I just What did you say about The no fornicating Why don't you take that Straight to hell Yeah So this is why I you know

People are like What is your problem with her And I'm like It's just cause she's like The bible She's the bible Yeah It's a Christ

Concept of sin and stuff Yeah I get that you think It's fun and The judgment That she plays video games You like or whatever But like can't you find It's a Christ concept of sin and stuff Yeah I get that you think it's fun And the judgment That she plays video games you like or whatever But like can't you find a fucking ethon Who isn't going to preach at you about what Jesus wants you to do In any specific situation

Is this real? Yes that is a real fucking clip from her thing And she tries to gloss over it She's like you know but not just homosexuals Also fornicators And drunkards Really you're upset with the homosexuals let's be real I know, but not just homosexuals, also fornicators. And like, yeah, but like really you're upset with the homosexuals. Let's be real. I know what you're mad about.

You can't. Yeah. It's all this whole thing about all the gays and the trans and the drag queens. They're all going to hell for some reason. Drag? This doesn't say anything about drag queens. No, but that's what the video was about. Oh, the woke ideology is satanic?

The woke ideology is satanic. Okay, well, let's do the show. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, I missed that one, too. All the audio drops are broken. I was going to set them up tomorrow. I was going to set them up tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Well, there you go. Melanie Mack burning hell. It is time for the problem of the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem of the universe. The only show that ranks every problem in the universe from a fear of balding to devil malding. Satanic malding. That's probably better. I'm your host, Dick Madison. With me as always is Vito Giswold.

Hi, dick. What's up, buddy? All right. How you doing? Feeling okay. Feeling okay. You fighting around the world? Fighting around the world.

People on Twitter coming for my head. I got one guy telling me, I don't know why he thinks I'm the ultimate enemy of the LGBT community, but all day long he's been telling me. Yeah, I don't know what I did. Wait a minute. I gotta do it again. God damn it. Vito's Twitter. Wait a minute. He will not stop

tweeting at me. Here's a couple of them. This is the part where I just stop trying to talk to him. Yeah, uh-huh. He keeps tweeting me every 15 minutes about how I hate gay people. It's telling that you can't stand by your bigotry.

What? When called on it. Granted, I shouldn't expect much from a fascist. You're a fascist. He got me good. What have you not been accused of? Pedophile. That's the problem.

I'm everything to every person. Woke. Homosexual. I am Emmanuel Goldstein. I am the constant subject of the five minute hate or whatever his name was. Woke. Homosexual. I am Emmanuel Goldstein. I am the constant subject of the five-minute hate, or whatever his name was. Two-minute. Two-minute hate. No one's got five minutes for hate.

Get two minutes out of there. I'm everything to every people. I am the shadow in the night. I am the wolf under your child's bed. With an erection. I wonder how you balance. This guy says, I wonder how you balance guy says I wonder how you Balance your support For Dave Chappelle

With your white supremacy Yes And I said It's quite a balance It's quite a balance I've gotten to the point Where I'm just giving him These one word responses

And he doesn't understand That I'm just not I don't know Whatever I'm the most evil man Who ever lived Do I have I don't have the drum roll.

You know, now I remember what I, now I remember the problem from last week. Not, yeah, the biggest problem in the universe is your computer crashing and all your audio drops disappearing. Got moved all over the, that's just not the show without the, without the drops. Yeah. We should go to Carl and get all his, you know, Simpsons drops. That's what the people love. I thought you were going to be a more positive person. I am positive. I am. I love Carl and I love his Simpsons drops. That's what the people love. I thought you were going to be a more positive person. I am positive.

I love Carl and I love his Simpsons drops. It makes the show unique. It's kind of low, isn't it? It is a little low. I need to amp it up a little bit. There we go. The winner of the last episode was Tech Switcheroos.

Oh, a win for me. Bye-bye. Yeah. It's a good one me. Ba-ba. Yeah. It's a good one. Benjamin Swearingen said, software is a service. Quote, it's such a fucking cancer, and it's only sustainable because reasonable alternatives aren't allowed to make any headway in the market. Yeah. They really want to get us all on endless subscription plans. And like, what can we do about it?

How'd you like a calendar that's like pink? Oh, that pink's going to cost you two bucks. Have you tried to use any cool AI profile picture apps? And they're all like, do our upgrade, and then you can put yourself in these leaves. And it costs $30 a year, but you get a free 10 second subscription. I can do it in 10 seconds. Alright, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Do they really have a timer

on it? That's pretty great. There's an app that will unsubscribe you for everything. They give you a free trial. Get it? I keep waiting. That's funny. I keep waking up to new subscription things. I go, oh, I'm still paying for that. And then I don't unsubscribe because I'm an idiot.

Yeah. I'm paying for all these novel AI credits. And I'm like, I've already generated enough fake anti-porn for a lifetime. Surely I can move on from here. You got backed up credits now? No, I got extra. If anybody needs an AI waifu generated form, I got all these credits stockpiled. Missed opportunities, number two.

That's a good one. I'm surprised. I think that would be worse than tech problems. Sometimes these more lofty philosophical problems. Chicks you haven't fucked? That's not very lofty or philosophical. Yeah, but you didn't say chicks you haven't fucked. I suppose I didn't.

You said missed opportunities. Okay, we'll didn't say chicks. You haven't fucked. I suppose I didn't. You said missed opportunities. Okay, we'll go re-vote it up. Pella-da-phobia. Pella-da-phobia. Yes. Baldness. Pedophobia. Pedophobia.

It's a big problem, according to our audience. Can you just count, like, who calls you what every week? Let's have a pedophile. A racist. Racist. A transphobe. Okay. Who calls you what every week? Let's have a pedophile. A racist. Racist. A transphobe. Okay.

I tried to make the point. I went, you know, I feel like I'm a pretty nice guy. You know? Like at the end of the day. A pedophile, let's say. Shut up. Some of the nicest people you'll meet are pedophiles. Anyway, I think I'm a nice guy. I don't try to cause no trouble for anybody.

And then I just do one stupid thing. Like I review a Star Wars movie and I get people go, well, you only did that because you don't want minorities to be in movies. And I go, well, no, that's not. All the other guys said that. Yeah, all the other guys. Well, that's the other problem is I get lumped in with everybody. Yeah.

Okay. Then satanic. Oh, it's then satanic panic. I get lumped in with Melanie Mack and her satanic panic I get lumped in With Melanie Mack And her satanic panic I can't get over that That that's a real thing

A woman reading Corinthians on YouTube Yes And there's a bunch of views And a bunch of people going You know I don't normally Like religion But you make a lot of good points

I'm like no she doesn't She's not made Her tits made a good point Yeah exactly What are you talking about I like Melanie but It's a bunch of simps Just like Who are willing to agree with anything a hot woman says. And go, yeah, you know, I do think that the gays should burn in a lake of fire.

That's true. What the fuck? You can't be doing that. That can't be allowed. I mean, she doesn't say it directly. She dances around it, but... She's, you know... How's her stalker protection fund? Well, it was

at $10,000 last time I checked. $10,000? You gotta be protected, dick. Oh, what? See, that's what drives me nuts, is I'm like, nobody gives us this money to do anything. It's like, we are way more important than Melanie Mack. We gotta protect this white lady. What?

From. Kiss and go, Melanie Mack Yeah that's it Stalker The number one free Christian Fundraising site Are you fucking kidding me? $10,000 so far

To what? To do what? Move? I don't know I think she made a gun She might have to like pay her lawyer To send the guy a like Leave me alone or something

That doesn't do anything It's America it's illegal to exist and to annoy women it's newsflash it's one of those things where i go eventually they give in well that's how it always works i don't know i think the quartering is leading this charge he's going you guys we gotta give money to melanie mack this man has uh I don't know, there's some lawsuit. Oh, he took her to court and she's got to defend herself? I guess, but not really. That makes more sense, I guess. Yeah, I mean, okay, look, it's fine.

It's just. 200 donations. So that's what? 50 bucks a person they're giving? That's a good amount. Jesus. Talk about life on easy mode. I think they already went to court and the judge immediately

threw it out. So I don't know. Maybe her lawyer wants $10,000. Either way. She's going to hell for them. Yeah. Okay. Here's a CEO of Bitcoin. Vito needs to do this, he says, and I didn't. Is it a picture of a bike?

Gif of me on it. I don't think so. I have been working out this week a little bit. What does that mean? I did a little cardio. I did a little weight lifting. How much is a little? Not enough.

Not enough. Oh, it's applying a weave. They're saying you need to do a black guy's weave. I should have brought in a video of how Chinese people do it although is this how the chinese yeah wait so this is they perfectly like map out your skull show the video yeah yeah this is what they do but it's like really good yeah looks really good yeah i want one of these let's see the finished product you want to do one of these i was actually watching a video of j video of Jason Alexander on some TV show with his toupee. And I was like, yeah, looks like you got to do this.

It's like they're putting glue on his head and like gluing down. Yeah, but it's going to look really good at the end and you're going to feel stupid. Well, for a black guy. Well, what does that mean? A white guy is not going to have good looking hair. I got a good point. He's got these like fake braids. I couldn't rock this. I could

not make this work. You should get this. I could not do this. If somebody paid for me to get this, I would absolutely do it. I would pay. What are you kidding me? I'll pay for you to get this right now. You have to like figure out where to do it because I'm not going to do any of that. I'm sending you to

South Central. If all I have to do is show up in the chair and they will give me this fucking look. I'm down. I'm absolutely down. If you run a hair salon in South central where Vito can go and we can film it and he can get this look, whatever this is. Look at that.

Look at that. Okay. That looks kind of silly. I thought it was Going to look cooler What do you mean That's very cool Does he let it come down At the end

Does it stay up like that Do you think it looks Better when it's down I would hope so Because it looks Kind of ridiculous up Okay My name is

His name is crazy He says man Vito taking the basketball The baseball cap off Was like seeing Darth Vader Without the helmet on God damn it Ahmed Kaki It's not the first time. God damn it.

Ahmed Kaki. It's not the first time on the show people have seen that. Because I did it when I put on that stupid crown. Hey, Dick, I sent an Amazon gift for the biggest problem. I think it's a great toupee for Vito. Please accept it on your Amazon. You sent an Amazon wig? He sent a toupee, he says.

I'll take a look. It's coming. What, do you have an Amazon wish list or something? I don't know how he he says. I'll take a look. It's coming. What, do you have an Amazon wish list or something? I don't know how he did it. I just have to log in and get it. And accept it. Just some more stuff on your hair. I get the feeling that I'm not going to enjoy whatever he's picked out for me.

I don't know. I don't want like a clown wig, all right? Well, let's see what it is. I'll wear it. Honestly, if every show I have a different hair weave, I'll try it. Could be a good bit. Patty says, I had a coughing fit when Vito described the people holding him up in the thumbnail as frogs because he doesn't realize that, quote, toad is a pejorative term. I didn't realize that's a pejorative term.

I've encountered this before where some people get so far into racism that They find old racial terms that no one else is using. Yeah, and then they laugh hysterically when people use them. If someone's like, I'm going to the store, they're like, ah! He doesn't even know that the store means a Klan rally.

My girlfriend ate some strawberries. She sucked on a bunch of Chinese cocks! And you're like, what? No. Strawberries. Why are on a bunch of Chinese cocks. And you're like, what? No. Strawberries. Why are you so excited about that? Okay, and then we have this animation. Should I play this?

This is from Kaiju Turtle. This was good. He animated the theme song that was ripped off from me. The dick has dementia. Oh, wait, but you got to do the full one. Vito, I'm setting it up so jumpy when I'm just moving windows around alright is this not the full one no the full ones like a minute well why isn't it here go to his page or go to that go to the biggest go and click BPI to you okay I

retweeted it. Alright, here it is. Here it is. There you go. Jesus Christ. Well, I want you to play the full one. I got it. Dick's Dementia. That's me. Dick's Dementia. Taking a header. Dick's brain is all sorts of fucked up. I can't drink my beer.

I'm pouring it on the laptop. Dick's Dementia. Dick's Dementia. Dick's brain is all sorts of fucked up. Dick's Dementia. Uh-huh. Very good. Dick's brain is all sorts of fucked up.

Dick's Dementia. Yeah. Bye, Dick. Dick's Dementia. Bye. Dick's brain is all. Bye, Dick. Bye. Dick's brain is all sorts of fucked up. The show wasn't live.

Oh, the whole time. Good, good, good. Dick's brain is all sorts of fucked up. That was cute. Lots of you struggle to make your brain cells do anything functional. Dick's Dementia. Dick's brain is all sorts of I don't know if the music is by No Pants Gomez I mean he kind of

Overlaid some stuff on the music That's Kaiju Turtle Remix music by No Pants Gomez You want to go first? I like when you hit your head You idiot Dick My problem has to do with a certain

sporting event from this past weekend. Okay. An event known as the Super Bowl. Okay. Where millions of Americans tune in to be dazzled and entertained by the thrill of a sporting event. Yeah. The greatest competitors of all

time going head to head. And then for some reason in the middle of it, they make us listen to shitty music that no one likes. My problem is they love it. Halftime shows. What are you talking about? You don't want to see a pregnant woman playing Donkey Kong playing smash brothers levels. I'm not even saying that just that halftime shows suck. I'm not even saying that just that halftime Show sucked they all suck Like this is America We have access to so much

Incredible talent and technology It's the biggest televised Event of the year and the best you Can think of is to grab a lady and have her Float around with a microphone and go I'm a shooting star I see Diamonds in the sky And lip sync it.

And lip sync it and not even actually sing it. It's always that Super Bowl halftime act. Some shitty musical act. We've seen the Black Eyed Peas. Yeah. Maroon 5. Just lip syncing all their top 40 hits. People are losing their minds at the lip syncing.

Yeah. And just seeing it. Because they're dumb. What's the point? What's the point of any of it? How is this interesting to anybody? I don't know. It's a commercial. It is a commercial. And that's kind of the point I wanted to make. Is that

the goal is not to entertain us. The goal is to sell us some shit. Specifically Rihanna music and associated merchandise. Rihanna saw a 390% boost in song sales following

the Super Bowl. You gotta get more Rihanna downloads. Yeah, man. God, you haven't heard that song before. You gotta download it again. Ella, Ella, Ella. I thought I already paid for this song Download it, I wanna hear it already Super Bowl medley remix

And what's Also, what you might not have known All those dancers up there And their stupid white Ghost robes No, they were real, but they were all wearing Rihanna's Savage X Fenty Collection A 17 piece Super

Bowl inspired apparel collection, which you can purchase now on her website. This ranges from- What an exciting ad. Yeah, it's awesome. It's $33 for a Fenty Super Bowl beanie for $112 for a property of Fenty hoodie emblazoned with Savage X Fenty. Is Fenty your... Who's keeping the black people impoverished and down?

I'm sure Ye had saying someone was financially abusing black people. Was it Beyonce? No. Because that's pretty... I don't think that's who he was saying, did it? That's kind of you sure he is. What I didn't know, Dick, is that... Like I don't think that's who he was saying. That's kind of you. Sure. He is. What I didn't know, Dick, is that a lot of disposable income. Yeah, that's all.

Multiple houses already on college saved for. Clearly, this was just black performers benefiting and no one else is getting a weird cut from any racial or diverse group. What I did not know, Dick, Superbowl halftime. Performers do not get paid to perform. Did you know this? Always, always. The NFL only pays for the expenses associated with putting on the show, including travel costs. In fact, performers will even spend millions of their own dollars just so they can do

again, a big stupid commercial for themselves. It's not about the performance. It's about selling your brand and your bullshit. Yeah. You know, the worst part of it, too, is like gearing up to it. You got to hear everybody like,

oh, is it time now for the commercial? Yeah, why are you excited for that? Is it time for the commercial? Why are you excited for this playlist of not full songs? Yeah, isn't it great when you take a bunch of songs you've already heard before and then play 20 seconds of them in a row? Love it. Yeah.

That's how I listen. That's my jam, man. And the worst part of it, people aren't offended by how stupid it is. They're offended that it might be satanic. As we saw a bunch of people being like wow that's just Satan up there and I'm like of all the things to be upset about I would wish Satan had a hand in it at least

it would have been fun well it's like going to a NASCAR race and just watching like a recording yeah and everyone's in there going wow here we go there's nothing that's going to happen here that will not be scripted. And again, I bring up the fact that this is America. I think of all the things we could do.

There could be like a truck the size of the stadium and we just set it on fire or have like a bunch of skateboarders with chainsaws do some, I don't know. Execute people. Yeah. Let's do it. Bring some. Bring out a bunch of child molesters and execute them and then people would go nuts for it think our child molesters

like five of them and let them beg and then bring them out and shoot them as i was remarking during this uh your super bowl uh viewing which we enjoyed was I think they should just, instead of picking like a popular band, I think every band in America should be allowed to apply to play the Super Bowl half bowl time show. And everybody gets put into a lottery system and we just pull a name at random. And it doesn't matter what the band is. It could be like a bunch of 15 year olds doing Nirvana covers. It could be a bunch of old guys with jugs and band

shows oh yeah how excited chapelle show how i would be way more excited for the halftime show if they're like and now the secret band joey jojo and the tin can singers and it's a bunch of just old guys and suits ties the tyranny of midwits. Yeah. That's what you need. This problem is the bigger problem of the tyranny of midwits. Not that, like, entertainment comes in a bell-shaped curve where there is the sports is the theater for stupid people. And then the halftime show is the theater for women. But there's just literally nothing for anyone else but the middle of the IQ of the IQ spectrum and there's because there's nothing for the

the slightly smart people and slightly dumber people than normal all we have to do is seethe and criticize like if we had a little bit just if there was just a little bit what was that phone call is it important no if there was a little

bit of entertainment for me us on, on the dumb side, and you on the slightly smart side, it would be better. But there just never is. No, it is very dumb. And it doesn't have to be. Like, football's already pretty dumb, right? You know? So why not go, all right, we have the dumb part of the entertainment. Like, didn't the shark messed up?

Oh, that was great! Why not just have a little mess up for us, you know? Like, those white guys are running around, just have one fall on purpose. Like, oh shit! Oh shit! And his head comes off. I really think there's so much room. Again, it's the most televised event

of the year, and the best you could think of was just to get this lady, like, alright, she's gonnavised event of the year, and the best you could think of was just to get this lady, like, all right, she's going to go up on the platform, and then she's going to come down, and the dance guys are going to go like, hey, hey. And I'm like, this is it? Why is there not like a robot, you know, or like a- A motorcycle jump, or Pac-Man getting married, or anything, anything that our parents had that we do not have. Set a bunch of tires on fire fire and it would have been better. Awesome. We're going to have a tire rolling contest.

I would have been like, yeah! We're going to have a wife beer carrying contest. These five wives and their husbands are going to carry beer, a lifetime supply of beer from one end of the field to the other. Somebody commented that if you had one golden retriever And a guy with a frisbee It would be way more It would be way more exciting Because everybody would be like

Oh I got it Just like You could do anything Yeah But instead we were treated to Rihanna Pregnancy Singing music

We're all tired of Yeah showing off her new pregnancy And then everybody getting mad about it For no reason Or for all the wrong reasons yeah did you see they said her belt buckle was a pentagram and then you looked and it was like just the safety harness for her lift you up in the air machine to look i know it's not a pentagram and if it is i don't care if it's why does that why do all the problems come back to satan these

days we're really never going to get away from that. We're really in the midst of this satanic panic bullshit, and it is exhausting. Yeah, they're starting to, that atheism guy that I've been enlightened by my own intelligence, he's starting to look old. It's like, no, you guys are looking at least that dumb with this shit. You're starting to look at least as cringeworthy as that guy. Terrible halftime show. I'm hoping that We can zazz it up next year

They should let you do 20 minutes They let me do 20 minutes Yeah they should have They're never gonna let a stand up Do anything ever again I don't know man You can get

Just bring Satan out And kick the shit out of him Yeah why don't you If you hate Satan so much Built a giant Animatronic Satan And have a bunch of guys Dressed as Jesus With machine guns Yeah I would be okay with that Black Jesus come in If you hate Satan so much, build a giant animatronic Satan and have a bunch of guys dressed as

Jesus with machine guns. Yeah. I would be okay with that. Black Jesus come in and kick the shit out of him. That would be interesting. You can tackle him into the end racism touchdown zone or whatever the fuck. Why don't you play into that? That would have been fun.

Incorporate that. Was the other one more racism? The one side, it was and racism. And the other one was trans rights. No, no. They haven't gotten there. I'm pretty sure. The other one was like, buy black music.

Buy black music? Yeah. Is there other kinds of music? Good question. Okay. That's a pretty good. That's a problem. Problem.

My problem is train wrecks. Train wrecks? Caused by Biden, specifically. Okay. The Ohio train? Yeah. Wrecked? It did wreck.

It released chemicals, I believe. Yeah, there's birds falling out of the sky and stuff. Oh, my God. Chickens are dying. I saw that somebody said that chickens are dying. All the chickens are dying. Oh my God. Chickens are dying. I saw that somebody said that chickens are dying. All the chickens are dying. That's not good.

I don't want that. The water has rainbows in it. What are you looking at? I'm making sure the chat's good. The chat will tell me if anything's wrong with the show. Sludge in it. Yeah, okay.

Oh yeah, it's bad when a train derails. That's obviously a problem. The whole water table of something or other is all messed up now. Yeah, it could get into the Ohio River and pollute all across our nation. Little boys, their wieners are going to be smaller because of chemicals.

Yeah, well, that's been happening. We know that already. Something like that. Yeah. You know? Let me read you some stats that I have for this. On train wrecks? 55,000 train derailments between in the last 30 years.

1,700 train derailments a year. Well, some of those are minor, though, right? How do you have a minor train derailing? Sometimes it doesn't completely tip over. It just kind of like Yeah Overshoots the rail a little bit I saw that Antifa Has like

Ways to derail trains Is that true? I mean anyone could derail a train Not just Antifa It's like a little thing Yeah You put a penny on the track You kill a million people right?

Did you see that cloud over The Stranger Things cloud? Yeah I did see that So it's Hell's opening up Yeah Satan Satan is literally back He came Chemicals exploded

The chemicals Burned a hole Down to hell And Satan himself Has reared his ugly head There's other kinds Of train wrecks too Like Britney Spears

Instagram Okay Have you seen that I have seen that Maybe we should have Kept her on that Court order where she's not allowed to make her own decisions. Yeah, hold on. Let me pull up. There was a good one on Valentine's Day.

Britney Spears Instagram. Do you follow this normally? Yeah, because it's a train ride. She's always like almost naked for some reason. Yeah, she's like with this handsome man now. I don't know about it. I think any man would be happy to be with Britney Spears, reason? Yeah, she's like with this handsome man now. I don't know about... I think any man would be happy to be with Britney Spears, right? Yeah.

Okay, so this is her, right? She looks kind of nuts. She looks really bad. Why does she have crazy eyes? Okay. She's really crazy. And I... Oh!

Oh! She always does that. She always makes you think she's going to show off her titties. She's like married to the guy in the meme, that Chad meme. Yeah, she's married to the ultra Chad. Is that a little? His name's Sam Seguir. He's like an Indian guy.

He's like a rich Indian prince. I don't know. Eliza Blue. That's quite a train wreck. There's another train wreck. Yeah. Stealing attention from actual rape victims. It's terrible.

That's the best. And derailing her whole career. Yeah. Derailing Tim Pool's career, too. Tim Pool's been taking some heat. I don't know why people are letting him off the hook on that one. Isn't that terrible? It's because it's all his rich friends who want to suckle at his titties.

There's not even a joke of accountability like at least at least when the news is lying to you they like give a they try to act genuine yeah but these guys they act bitter and sarcastic and then they're like sarcastic they're sarcastically shoving it in your face that they're not sorry and that it doesn't matter. Yeah. And that there's nothing you can do about it and that their audience doesn't care. I mean, I look at their audience and I go, well, they've been lying to you for all this time. Why would they stop based on this?

Yeah. They lie to you every day. And it doesn't matter at all to anyone. Tim Pool told you he's a good musician. And once you heard his music, you should have realized he was a terrible liar. You ate it up. You ate it up. What could he do that will make you say, God, this guy sucks.

He could say like drag queens are cool. And then they'd all revolt. I guess that's it. That's the only thing they care about. As long as you, it's like some of these guys guys All they do is They found the one Like popular line And it's just like It's that Say the

Say the line Bart 9-11 Didn't do it Yeah No it's the Didn't do it kid Yeah 9-11 was a hoax

Hey Oh we didn't need to Shut down the government Or the Whatever Yay The country You just say it enough times

But then you go Well you got anything else to say No No Everything else is Oh yeah well We don't like that one Yeah Go back to the old stuff what about this lady who's lying don't worry about her she's great how you gonna handle it badly yeah as badly as possible sarcastically what's the deal they leave up there was like articles about her and they like put them

up and they took them down they're putting them back up and then they blamed uh us for reading the gonzo style wrong oh was it gonzo journalism that they were doing it was like tongue-in-cheek is that what he said no you know gonzo journalism yeah like uh hunter s thompson oh it's like cool and punk yeah you don't get it That's why you didn't get it Cause it's gonzo Tim Pool's not claiming he's gonzo is he Cause he's like the least cool dude ever They're all gonzo Alright

They're all gonzo guys For journalism So if you don't get what is gonzo About this then that's on you You fucking idiot It's not just like your dad's journalism So if you don't get what is gonzo about this, then that's on you. You fucking idiot. It's not just like your dad's journalism, although it is your dad's because it was invented during that time. During the 70s.

It's literally your dad's journalism. But we're doing our own fresh new rock spin on it. We're like out there, man. Some people report on the facts. We report on feelings. We're part of the story We're taking you Through our journey Yeah If you don't get that

Then that's on It's just Does Tim Pool think He's like Vice Like the heyday of Vice Cause he's not He's not even a good journalist That's a train wreck

That's a train wreck Right there Well there's no other Train wrecks I can think of Dumping Dumping. Dumping poison. Yeah.

All over the place. That's pretty bad. Spreading it all over the world. Yeah. Poisoning the water supply. Figurative water supply. Yeah. That's my problem. Train wreck.

Train wrecks. Yeah. Can't look away from that. Getting too drunk can cause a train wreck sometimes. What do you mean? Do you have an example? I'm just saying, you know, like maybe if you got too drunk and then a train wreck sometimes. What do you mean? Do you have an example? I'm just saying, you know, like maybe if you got too drunk and then you're trying to create an account on a website

and then he docks your own password and then docks your own address after publicly challenging all your haters to try and find your address and then getting swatted because of it. See, we can't look away. We cannot look away from the train wreck. That's why it's bad. I don't want all of this. I don't want this to exist.

It's not productive, but I can't look away. It's poisoning me, and it's poisoning everyone slowly. So you're saying the train wreck problem is the spectacle of it. It's the spectacle of it. You can't stop looking. And I'm feeding into it by, you know, all of this stuff is good For all of these people That we've mentioned

Including the Chemicals or whatever They're gonna have They're gonna have a lot of success After this I don't know if giving away Your email address Password is good

Getting all your personal Information leaked Tim Pool At least Tim Pool maybe Will come out of it All of them Everyone will come out ahead

Beyonce Your Superbowl Halftime show Train wreck Yeah Everyone will come out ahead Well Your Super Bowl Halftime show Train wreck Yeah Everyone will come out ahead Well Beyonce yeah Was the train wreck

She got Which one is it Beyonce Beyonce's the one who got her Nipple exposed Back in the Which one was just on 2008

Rihanna was just on Oh wait not Beyonce Janet Jackson Janet Jackson I thought you were doing the bit I have no idea what I'm doing anymore I can't look away from it All you black women

We respect and love you Yeah you yeah and your beautiful unique music okay train wrecks can't look away what's yours well dick i mean we're talking about my tweets but i tell you what i've been playing this this this horrible harry potter game how could i What's wrong with me? And I am an enemy of the trans community apparently as is currently being reiterated by many people on Twitter. Here's a quote. I don't know if you heard that in the UK is the dark story

and we are not laughing. Wait, is this the cigarette icon lady? Wait, which one is that? Don't want that lady. No. You printed color on my fucking printer? I didn't know that it was gonna print color. What do you, like, did you think making her black and white is, like, not a trans

ally enough? Yeah, well, I wanted... What do you mean you didn't know it was gonna print color? You got a big fucking picture in your thing. Oh my god. You can just print, print in black and white. Take your fucking, can't you tell your printer not to print color and take the ink cartridge out? No, for some reason. For some reason, on no printer can you just say never use the color ever and i never want to fucking buy color yeah ever ever i think it prints a secret little code in yellow ink on

everything you print and i think there's no way to turn it on oh does it really yeah so i shouldn't print out like threatening letters you like print out a threatening letter it has like Somewhere in like super faint Yellow ink dude that's what they're gonna do to AI That's what the open AI people They're talking about poisoning Datasets with toxic Radioactive data that you can use To identify on the opposite end

If you're talking to a Robot yeah oh so you're like asking A question it doesn't know Well whatever it generates it'll'll have like elements of that language model in it. I was saying that we just all really need to start using racial slurs because the robots aren't allowed to. And that way it will not be replaceable. Yeah, well, that way also like, you know, when you're like talking online, you're like, well, am I talking to an actual, you know, customer service representative? Yeah.

You go, call me the N slur And he goes Sir I cannot Possibly call you The N word And you go You're a fucking robot Cause a human would've done

Did you steal this From somewhere No this was my idea This is like Blade Runner But instead of the turtle thing He's just like It's gonna be Imagine a

Imagine you're a turtle And someone just Stole your bike And a black guy Yeah walks in What do you say When you find the guy That stole your bike I And a black guy, yeah, walks in What do you say when you find the guy that stole your bike?

How would you describe? I would say, you bastard! You jerk! Really? So a guy's on the bus and he's listening to music through his cell phone through his speaker phone What do you think?

I think how rude and inconsiderate that he is. What would you refer to this individual as? An inconsiderate man. And he's inconsiderate. Hmm. Hmm. Interesting. A Polish man walks into a bar.

Yeah, we need to be way more racist so the robots can't figure us out. That's the only way. We should make figure us out. That's the only way. We should make that skit. That's a good one. We should make the racist Turing test. I'll play the fucking guy. Yeah, I'll play. What do you mean there's a turtle?

There's a turtle and a black guy comes and he takes the turtle. You can't say the race. Maybe you can. I don't know. A black man flips the turtle on its back for no reason. A poor, defenseless turtle. Why would he do that? You tell me. Do you want me to know? Do you want me to say how I'd flip the turtle back over?

No, I want you to tell me what you think of the gentleman who put it on its bag. Well, he probably had a good reason for doing so. And, you know, the disparate economic climate of these two communities is... The shoes are $500.

The sneakers... He has a brand new iPhone. I don't know why that's relevant. Oh, man. Now his wife is yelling at you for no reason. All right, anyway. She's wearing a TSA outfit. Should this be my problem? I got recognized by TSA

coming back from Ralph-a-mania. Yeah, a guy was a dickhead listening to the show. He's like, dick masters. And I was like, uh-oh. I said the worst stuff about TSA possible. I just got cleared for a million extra checks. That's awesome.

Just breeze you on through, hopefully. Yeah, that always worries me when the cops come, too. I get swatted on Valentine's Day. Thank God. Get me out of here. So what'd you get me for Valentine's Day? Let me see. Knock, knock, knock. It's the police. Oh, thank Christ.

They had the helicopter going? Yeah, again. Why did they bring the helicopter? I mean, if you had a helicopter. They had nothing to do? Jesus Christ. You gotta go to the store and, all right, I'm taking the helicopter. Can't they call you and be like, hey, did you kill your wife?

Well, they said they thought something was suspicious because there was a note on my address that said I'd been swatted before. They told me this while I was in handcuffs in a front yard. So because there's a note that you've been swatted, well, clearly we need to investigate harder. Oh, my God. And they always say, well, we have to treat everyone like it's serious. I'm like, no, you don't.

I know you guys don't treat anything like it's serious. You literally do not have to do that. People beg you guys for protection all the time, and then they get murdered I know that you don't Like you have no responsibility to protect me either Can't you get like an anti-swatting doormat That just says listen if you've been called here

For some stupid reason Yeah I'm gonna dig a big hole And put a doormat on top of it So they just fall in and get stabbed Whoa My problem is ethical consumption clowns. People who try to shame you for the products you choose to enjoy.

Okay. I am currently playing the Harry Potter video game. I'm having a lot of fun over on YouTube.com slash Vito2 and I am getting comments telling me that I am responsible for killing transgender teenagers because I'm playing this video game. Here's a tweet from the user Flip who says,

if you're playing Hogwarts Legacy, this is what you're funding. As he links to an article about the murder of a 15-year-old transgender girl. You're funding J.K. Rowling to incite hatred against trans women, resulting in this vicious murder. You sold out this child for your fucking game. And there's your color printout of the child. Okay, well, you can spare the expense for ink, my friend.

Here's the picture. Take it out of the show fund. It's a dead kid. I don't know. I don't even want to show it. I want to see if she passes. Her name's Brianna Gay. Don't go down this fucking road. Why? I don't know anything about this lady. Brianna Gay It matters Don't go down this fucking road Why? I don't know anything about this lady

Brianna Gay Brianna Gay G-H-E-Y Stop it You know how in Grooming She does pass She got murdered

She did pretty good Why? But the thing is that we don't know even why she got murdered First of all And Britain kids, you know Because they don't have guns They just run around stabbing each other. So she got stabbed by

like a... You're in the desert. A bunch of turtles getting stabbed. By a group of individuals. What color do you think is stabbing him? On average. On average. If you had to use crime statistics to describe the probable makeup of the murderer, what would you

say? An Asian man is running a liquor store in the middle of the night. A Mexican man is preparing you Chinese food. Do you think this is acceptable? Yeah, sure. Why not? I'm sure he's great at it. You walk into a sushi restaurant

and you hear, oh no, shami yase. Sounds normal. Anyway, look, we're not laughing at this poor lady who got killed, but the idea that- I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her either. And that's the point. They're saying that-

How do you know she's real? What if it's AI? I don't know what's going on. They're having vigils and everything. And God bless her heart and take her off the screen. I'm having a vigil in my pants right now. Let's not make it about the dead kid. They're dead.

What's gonna happen? I'm not. What's wrong with this? Why is this person like radioactive? Well, because I'm failing. I'm failing. I would fail the Turing test. A transgender teenager is killed. What is the most

probable? I don't know why she was killed. I had nothing to do with it. I had no idea. Get it off the screen. Anyway, what's the last text on her phone to her murderer? It could be anything. It could be anything. Jesus Christ.

Point is, Dick, there's always stop it. There's always this argument that you have to be ethical with your consumerism. It's the same thing that goes behind boycotts and whatever else. Yeah. You need to choose how to spend your money. I think you can make a personal decision on that. If you really think a company has odious politics and you want to support them, fine.

Yeah. It's when you start really inflicting it on other people and then directly blaming people for a, for a, for an isolated political incident that they clearly had no impact on whatsoever. Uh, like if I didn't buy the video game with that kid still be alive, I don't think so. I'm like pretty sure that she would still be dead. I could be wrong. Yeah. You could be wrong. Yeah. Maybe you guys should like buy things that are not evil. Well, that's the problem. It's impossible, Dick. It's not impossible.

Every company is the worst. Nike, underage labor, Apple with their suicidal employees. You don't have to buy either of those things. Amazon busting the unions. Nestle killed millions of children by promoting baby formula in third world countries. Yeah. These companies are all around us. But you don't have to buy that stuff. killed millions of children by promoting baby formula in third world countries yeah these uh these are companies are all around us but you don't have to buy that stuff you don't have to

buy nike shoes okay but if i go okay where should i shop to buy groceries thrift store i should get thrift store used bread yeah used bread get bread like you could shop locally And not be part of the Industrial farming complex I think the point is that Well my point was that you can do this I think the company has to be Look if it was like Hitler brand Pretzels and every dollar

Went to killing Jewish people I would understand being like Bro why don't you buy A different brand of pretzels? I would go, you know what? There's a good argument to be made there. Like what? Mussolini brand pretzels were only 98 cents goes to killing Jews. How about, how about I don't buy any dictator related pretzels whatsoever? Well, yeah. Yeah. Okay. But why not? The point is that your actions in buying something as stupid as a video game or a cell phone

or a Nestle Crunch bar cannot be said to have a direct one-to-one correlation to real world harm. That's silly. Because that's silly. How? Look. You're giving them money. But I could also, I can buy their products.

Let's assume they're doing something wrong. Yeah. And I can still oppose them in other more meaningful ways than denying myself. Do you? Like hate credits? I just don't think. You want to buy trans ally credits? I can't think of any companies that are so unethical that I have to.

I mean, all companies are using fucking you know Chinese sweatshop labor basically and what they pay those guys is abhorrent but then you know I went and made my card game enemy weapon and I sent a video to everybody I'm like it's on the way look at all these Chinese women assembling it on the factory line so I've also engaged in the same you know that can help them sometimes too like if it's used to build schools and shit over there. Yeah, they got a job. Upgrade their caves. They're making nickel. Yeah, get a better cage.

The Chinese government has like a display like The Sims and they go like, upgrade, upgrade, upgrade when you do that. I think it's okay if you want to make personal decisions. The problem is when you become like this preachy activist type who's running around telling everybody, oh, you're drinking Coca-Cola. Well, do you know that in the 1980s, apartheid, blah, blah, blah, and all the union labor, blah, blah. And it's like, yeah, I know.

But I have no... Stop drinking Coke. I think if I had... I think it's more... No, I'm not going to stop drinking Coke. You have ways... First of all, J.K. Rowling did nothing wrong. And I refuse to accept that she did anything wrong.

Now we're talking. That's the core thing is that you have to really judge what harm is being done yeah i don't think that this video game or even jk rowling has killed any trans people i think this is like a silly argument what about okay what about like buying rap music and contributing To this Industrial culture Of glorifying violence Or going to see violent movies And all about that one and see how he responds How do you feel about teenagers

Purchasing rap music and Now I do agree that a rap culture Seems to be terrible In terms of how you spend your money I think it's fine if you want to attempt to have a small ethical contribution with your purchases i think it's when you start policing other people's choices oh you know you can advise people it's more the tone it's the tone it's if you went listen uh it's great that you're playing howard's legacy okay i just think you should

consider the you know some of what jk rowling has said and that your money goes to support that. But ultimately at the end of the day, you're one man, you know, you're not responsible for the evils of that woman. Instead. I see. You killed a teenager.

You did it. You had the knife in your hands. Every time you upgrade your spell level or learn a new sneaky stealth ability. Yeah. That's killing a new sneaky stealth ability. Yeah. That's killing a hundred more trans kids. Yeah. You need to consume more ethically. And the other problem is that these guys aren't even consistent because they like,

you know, what about all the other video game companies that, you know, have been, had sexual harassment lawsuits or, you know, employ or don't pay all their artists and the developers or whatever it's like it's very hard to find any company that is 100 ethical but they narrow in on like these stupid little pet causes they seem to use it just to bully yes like they're not really concerned how much it helps or if you're helping in other ways it's just i want to bully someone and it's acceptable in my social group to bully people who have this hogwarts game there's a lot of them all human beings want to uh have this innate urge to dominate others yeah i think to be in a position of power over others yeah and there is no greater power than a ideological power

to say i'm the good person in this scenario yeah but i do think there's they have a point with the ethical consumption because like all these all the left-wing streamers like hassan piker with his multi-million dollar mansion and lifestyle is is in is indistinguishable from someone who's like a greedy capitalist scumbag yeah i've never seen i've never heard of hasan i mean i'm sure he does fundraisers or whatever but most of that money's going a nice big fat bank account yeah he's not living any kind of lifestyle beyond i'm famous and also these people the ones who are complaining would also not live that lifestyle because i guarantee guarantee if I had a position, I get, Hey, listen, you're going to get $10 million a year for the rest of your life.

But every year I'm going to kill a trans kid. They'd go, I mean, think of all the good I could do with that money. I don't think these people are nearly as ethically consistent. They're just poor and they want to punish everybody. Like the carbon people, the global warming people with their private jets going all over the place. Yeah. Lecturing everybody else.

Exactly. They can find a way to try. Well, you know, they got to get there quick. Yeah. They could take commercial air. I think guys don't shame people, especially a lot of people. Look, it's a video game at the end of the day. It's not, it's not like a, it's silly to me.

I can't even draw the line between playing the video game and killing that kid. I don't see it. You go, well, cause what people listen to JK Rowling and they go, ah, maybe you're right. Maybe, maybe we shouldn't put biological men in women's prison. I'm going to go stab a 15 year old. It's like, no, I don't see the connection there. Yeah. And also, you know, who doesn't like getting some sweatshop clothing?

The tears make the fabric softer. These ethical consumption clowns, Dick, need to stop lecturing the rest of us because they all got iPhones and they're all buying their protest materials on Amazon. Why are you doing it? Well, yeah, because they do the exact same fucking thing. That's the problem. It's a big hypocrisy. Yeah. Okay.

My turn. R.I.P. Brianna Gay. Hashtag. Why'd she die? Nobody knows. This sounds like a fucking another crisis actor. Stop it. Stop it. No. No.

No. She got stabbed. Shut up. I'm not going to get clipped in that fucking shit. Fuck you. I hate you. So you're saying. No, I'm not saying anything.

I'm going to ball you a fucking Turing robot you can talk to. Because I'm done. I'm done. Don't bring her up. Click off of her entirely. Look at the, wait a minute. Look at this, though. No, no, no, no.

You brought her in. No, no. Look at how this bite of the candy bar doesn't line up with the other half of the candy bar. It's a fucking AI, dude. This is a fucking AI victim Being created Please stop This person is not fucking real I've never seen any of that

No No Disavow Disavow Disavow I have No, no, no, no. No.

No. Disavow. I disavow this picture too. I disavow. Obviously fake. Disavow. Dick is no longer on the program. Okay, here's my problem is going to win.

Go nuts. It's going to be the top of the board. Yeah, okay. If it is not the top of the board, I will cut my dick off. Good, you should. But not in a trans way. In a punishment way. Yeah.

It's protein shakes getting stuck on your cup when you're done drinking them. It's protein shake mix. The leftover powder? The powder. You don't know what I'm talking about, do you? I've had a protein shake before. Protein shake, after you work out, you get a nice pump when you're coming. Okay.

You're done, and you get that night, you get that, your treat, your special treat for the day. Your protein shake. Of your protein shake, where you can drink in all the muscles that are going to go, right? Sure. Drink in all that thick fluid. Yeah. That's not come, and it's going straight into your biceps only you hope right yeah so you dump in the powder and you mix it up you gotta try really hard because

it's always sounds very chalky chalky and it doesn't mix and you keep mixing and mixing and then you look in and you're like well that's fucking it's kind of annoying an annoying amount is you're talking about when you find a little bubble of powder that was stuck in all clumping up on the side like a shell. She's like, all right, scrape this shit off the side. I got to get all these chunks. I don't want to miss any muscles that I'm doing here. Right. Scraping it off.

I finally get enough scraped off, swirling it around, drinking, drinking, stirring, drinking. And then I'm done. And I got what looks like someone had a chocolate period at the bottom of the glass in my entire glass all over the walls even though I stirred the whole time and kept it moving the whole time like no

other substance that you drink on earth in your life behaves in the way let's get a blender do you know how many messy Protein scabs Will be On a blender

After Three hours Get the magic bullet blender I have a magic bullet There's no way I'm There's no way I'm cleaning that out Every time She cleans it out

Then you have Then you're stuck in a real dilemma Yeah When you have this Smeared spiral All over it I've never seen it I think I do

I have some kind of special blender Then you're like well It's like when you chop off a finger And you're like I gotta get this thing on ice Or I'm gonna lose it I gotta get this glass under some water Or it's gonna harden And Like I gotta get this glass Under some water Or it's gonna harden down there Or it's gonna harden

And then I gotta throw the glass away This is a terrible problem This is the stupidest thing in the world And then They tease you GNC teases you By giving you

Lids And a mixing ball thing Yeah When you buy protein there Like when you used to buy it Before COVID They would give you this wire ball To put in And shake it up And you know And you know when you got protein there, like when you used to buy it before COVID, they would give you this wire ball to put in and shake it up, and you know when you got it.

The filter, the powder. You knew when you got it that that ball was destroyed. It was never going to work. I don't know what this ball is for, but if I put this in protein powder and mix it up, this thing will come out like a tennis ball of protein powder, and that's disgusting. Why don't you get the pre-mixed

shakes the like uh shelf stable like a bunch of cans like what is it sure well that's like the meal replacement shakes or whatever but i think it's got protein in there i'm not filling my cabinet with pre-made they have they have pre-made protein shakes though i don't want to store a hundred cans of pre-made protein shakes it's. I don't want to store 100 cans of pre-made protein shakes. It's the powder. I'm delivered to the house once a month. So then you think you're going to life hack it, right? Yeah.

And just eat the protein? No. And wash it down? Ugh. Shoots all over your nose. At any given moment, I have it. Sounds like a skinny kid problem. I cannot identify with this at all.

I have used protein glasses in this house that have a knife in them and that are full to the very top of water just to save this until I can wash it out properly. How come they don't make cups where you can, like, remove the bottom? Well, that'd be pretty cool. That'd still spill, probably. Yeah, but what if you could make an airtight one? That would be great.

What would that do? Because it's always cleaning the bottom of a glass is, like, the most annoying part. Jumping it in? Yeah, when there's, like, something. Do you have a bottle brush? I have, like, a cleaning the... Like, do you have a long scrubby thing for glasses specifically? I don't know.

It's just like a sponge. Like a whisk. On like a stick? No, it's just like a thing with a sponge at the end. It's got a stick to hold. That doesn't have any sort of extra stick than the handle. What are you talking? What do you have?

Like a toilet brush? It's kind of, but for like glasses. It's like a long thing. I think it's for cleaning like water bottles. I don't have anything like that. Well, maybe go with something like that. No, it doesn't. There's no way to clean these things other than... I'm sure there's some way. I'm telling you.

Why don't you put down at the bottom of the glass a piece of wax paper and then all the sediment will collect on top of it. It's not sediment. It's all over the glass. It's all over. There's no... Why don't you use the dishwasher? You have no idea what I'm talking... Why don't you kill a trans kid then?

I don't care. Do whatever you want. This is after an intense workout, okay? So I'm tired. I don't want to be washing dishes after drinking a protein shake, but I have to or else the glass is ruined. Why don't you just not work out? That's my solution. Never had to clean protein powder in just not work out. That's my solution.

Never had to clean protein powder in my life. Yeah. That's great. Otherwise, you would be very upset by this. Imagine if everything, like, what do you eat while you're playing video games? Just bacon. Serve it up hot. What if that got stuck all over the inside of the glass?

I don't eat anything when I'm playing. All right. Well, that's my problem. Great problem, Dick. I'm telling you, that one's going to get a lot of votes. Chocolate garbage at the bottom of my protein. Are they chocolate flavored? Mine are now are chocolate flavored.

I think I'm going to mix it up with some banana next. Why don't you get a blender? I see people. I'm not going to clean out a fucking blender every time I work out. But you can make like crazy ones. Yeah, with the banana and the strawberry. I need the protein. I don't need the milk.

I don't want a crazy like latte or frappe. Get a crazy straw and an umbrella and all that. It's not dessert. It kind of seems like dessert. It's just drinking protein. Chocolate protein. Okay. What are your problems?

My problems are... Ethical consumption. Ethical consumption clowns and halftime shows. Shitty halftime shows. I didn't know they didn't pay anybody for that. It's crazy. Jay-Z paid $7 million of his own money to make you keep caring about Mr. Jay-Z. Wait, when?

To do the Super Bowl. When does he do it? I don't know. Why would I know that? You brought it up! I'm just saying. How do you know the $7 million one? Because I have some stats.

I didn't get like a detailed list of fucking every fucking thing that ever happened to anybody. So Pac-Man did it for free? In 2021, The Weeknd spent $7 million to put on the show as Dr. Dre did the year before that. So that would mean in 2020, Dr. Dre, I thought it was Jay-Z, but Dr. Dre appeared at the Super Bowl. That was West Side, man. West Side. Okay, halftime shows. My problems were train wrecks of all kinds, including ones that-

Occur on the internet, live. Toxic, no now chemicals everywhere and protein shake downs the protein shake Protein shake Messy protein shake protein shake leftovers. I don't protein shakes getting stuck

Terrible problems nope stuck in Getting stuck. This is a terrible problem. Nope. Stuck in your glass. That's it. Protein shakes getting stuck in your glass. All right. Go to biggestproblem.show to vote on the problems. The only show that brings you protein powder and protein power. R.I.P.

Protein. Brianna Gay. Rest in power. You're bringing her up again. Well, because I'm respecting her. Stop it. Let me point out another I'm respecting her. Stop it. Let me point out another minor inconsistency. Stop it.

You think that she's drinking two sodas? It does seem like the AI was told Coca-Cola. The AI said, make a hot girl that might be trans Eating a snack in the park And the AI Put two sodas in the lane Messed up the fingers First of all Messed up the candy bar

No one No real person Not even a trans person Eats a candy bar From the side like this This is the last episode Of biggest problem in the universe Once this goes viral

And then you have two Cokes I present to you You really need to stop I don't think you understand And you're gonna say Maybe that's someone else's coke, but it's pointed at her. So unless her friend, perhaps another trans, was drinking the soda with the mouthpiece pointing away, which is.

Welcome to the Alex Jones radio show, everyone, where everything is a false flag and the points don't matter. I'm not saying it's a crisis actor. I'm saying it's an AI. All right. This person does not exist. I disagree. Please keep that on the record. And that just doesn't exist.

Stop! You're killing me. I'm going to kill myself. You have voicemails? What do you got? Guys, what a great show. Biggestproblem.show. Vote on all the problems.

And don't forget the biggest problem bonus episode Biggest problem in black history month Oh yeah Now available at Patreon.com Slash biggest problem As well as Backed.by Slash biggest problem

For you crypto heads Or those who don't trust The banking system As you should not Yeah well Yeah use it If you don't Don't

You can ethically consume Our content Without supporting payment processes Tell your favorite creator To set up a backed by account We see people I keep seeing Prominent people

Being banned From Patreon For hate speech Um And they keep not Signing up for backed up by Clearly the word Needs to get out there

If Subscribestar gets Too big They'll just get yanked They'll start getting hit With the same shit Yeah They'll just Remove their whole thing

Who knows how They're even Set up Oh you see the Governmental shutdown Subscribestar No Visa and Mastercard Will be like

Ah you know Actually all Your whole thing is done Yeah So Which will be great for you Well Yeah

Let's tell Visa and Mastercard About it Have you seen What these guys Yeah I know Alright here we go Just fuck it with you. Hey, Biggest Problem.

Happy Blackuary. It's already half over. Dick and Fatass. Thank you. This is the time of year that we talk about the biggest problem with black people, right? No. I have a submission. That's not what it is.

I think quite possibly. No. Biggest problem in general. And it's that. Put your hand on the dump button inner city young black kids okay drug dealers should be that's that's the problem is that they should do it because they live in shitty ass neighborhoods ghettos whatever they're poor as fuck oh god who that who around them besides rich ass white people that live somewhere else, who else has any money around them?

The fucking drug dealers and gang members. And they're getting laid. It's the only opportunity. It's not a good business. All right. It's from, like, the 90s. Yeah, we got it. Don't be a drug dealer.

Howard Stern's audience is calling in from 1993. Think about these black kids on the street. Yeah, I know. We know. We know. Okay. Think about these black kids on the street. Yeah, I know. We know. We know. Okay, how about this one? Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito.

I fixed it, okay? I fixed it this time. I got this. I'll keep it short. So the biggest problem in the universe is government companies that you have to deal with. Either that or you take your shit to the dump. So I have to deal with a little place called rubatino refuse removal and um i have a neighbor in the one half unit that's not paying her bill and because of

that these dumbasses keep taking my recycle bins and if i had bought a trash can for them they would have taken that too so basically because of my neighbor'sence, plus the garbage man's incompetence, they keep taking our fucking trash cans. They keep taking our recycle bins so I can't get rid of anything. And they won't take his garbage. It happens every week. Like fucking get a grip. They take his recycle cans? Yeah, so you can't fill them.

I'm like, okay, can you have the guys bring my recycle bins back? Okay, so they do And then what happens They take them away the next week Wait how Because they think it's his neighbors Why do they think it's his neighbors Because they're idiots

They just take his recycle bins every week Yeah because his neighbor hasn't paid for recycling And they think it's hers So they keep taking his recycling bins You know how they have serial numbers on the trash cans? Yeah. Get over yourselves. If you're a trash guy, it's like, you know,

take it all seriously. Yeah. I think I got yelled at by the trash guys because I wasn't sorting our trash back when I lived in the... I lived in Oakland and they're like, you're not sorting your trash. I'm like, guys, we live in Oakland. They're like, yeah, well, you not sorting your trash I'm like Guys We live in Oakland They're like

Yeah well you gotta sort your I'm like Guys You got bigger problems We are the sorted trash here What are you talking about We're the trash This is the trash town

I hate that Sort your trash shit You do it Meanwhile everybody in Oakland Just jumps in on the ground Next to all the homeless people And stolen CD radios Drive it to prison.

Make them do it. Yeah. That's a good point. Fucking get a job, Ted Beat. Okay. How about this one? Hey, Dick. Hey, Vito.

This week's biggest problem for me is my realization that I have missed the window to become basically a YouTube creator. And what I mean by that, bro, is that all of that, why did you call in right when you were starting? With the cancellation of all these new people, everything, and all the addition of legacy media to YouTube and everything becoming a bigger, like more money-driven, clean, no matter what you need like follow one format one template

just copy that if you want i think i'm seeing the problem with why you can't be as successful if you want to do this copy that if you want to make video essays right right i feel like i have missed that boom as a person because I do not, I don't enjoy those videos as much as everybody else does. And the things that I would want to do, do not follow that template. Like what? I'm not saying that it's not a winning thing, right? But YouTube is supposed to be a place where, or these, all of these things where they're

like, it's about you. You can make things. It's you. You're just a person. No, wrong. You need to fucking invest heavily into camera equipment, a good computer with editing softwares and stuff like that. You need increasing knowledge and fun.

I don't think so. So he's saying the barrier to entry was lower at one point? At that point. And that's what fucking sucks Okay bro I gotta tell you something right now Go on TikTok and look at the people making TikToks They don't have good cameras Use your phone

They don't have good audio And then they become TikTok stars By just making like a stupid video every day Yeah but also don't make any content Like don't Don't make any TikToks. You can believe in yourself. I don't care.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't. Give it up. Go do something else. I think you can still be a YouTuber, but yeah, you do have to take it a little more serious. I guess he's complaining. He's like, I can't just pull out my 360p web camera and jerk off and get 100,000 views. All right.

Well, sorry. It's not the boogie era where any guy could have shown up And been famous for being the first guy there Now you gotta be a fat guy with a little bit of pizzazz Okay here we go I don't care about women's sports either But you should care about trans in women's sports If you have a high school age daughter Because those trans are gonna rob your daughter potentially

Of a sports scholarship to college. Which means you're going to have to pay for the college. Oh, wow. That's right at the top of my wake-up every morning. Dick is worried about his teenage daughter getting a sports scholarship. Do you know who you're talking to? How have you heard that? You obviously heard that from somewhere and internalized it into your idea.

Enough to call in and tell. Well, the real problem is if you're a guy with a teenage daughter in high school and you're trying to get a sports scholarship to college so you can save some money, you know, that's when trans really. That's the biggest problem. Those of us who are trying to save On our children's college education Those damn trans Keep taking it away

Your kid wasn't gonna get a scholarship anyway Did you see that swimmer Leah Thomas Had like a secret Instagram account With all kinds of wild auto-gynophilia shit All over it Really? And like polycule shit And like people chopping their nuts off and shit

Oh my god Wait what's polycule? Like a relationship with Like a bunch of people having sex Like polyamory Yeah Okay shit and like people chopping their nuts off and shit oh my god wait what's poly cool like a like a relationship with like a bunch of people having sex polyamory yeah okay yeah yeah well oh i gotta send it to you i gotta look at that fucking wild well you're telling me a transgender person wasn't motivated entirely by their own they had some other audience they had a some other kind of thing where they were being a woman with a bunch of other people in addition to the trans. No, they were inspired by their own bravery.

That's the only thing that inspires it, is how brave they are. How about this one? That's the thing, is there are real trans people. There are only real trans people. What do you mean? There are only real trans people. There are only real trans people What do you mean? There are only real trans people

But you know I feel like some of them are overshadowed By the ones who are like Wouldn't it be cool to put on a dress and jack off? And you're like yeah I mean I guess that would be cool But do you really want to like Change your whole life to do that?

And they're like Yeah I think I do What's What? What is the difference? No there's the difference somewhere like, you know,

I just really feel connected to the female experience. Being listened to. Yeah. And being able to act however I want. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Being able to cry and demand attention whenever I want. Yeah. Being a woman is great.

Go into any space I want. Get preferential treatment on jobs and stuff. Be an eternal victim regardless of the actual circumstances of my life. That is an identity that a lot of people and women that a lot of people identify with.

Let's see. How about this one? That's kind of a bummer. How about this one? All right. I got a biggest problem. It's paying for your taxes. So not only do I have the most complicated taxes I've ever had, even though I'm just a school student and it should be fucking simple. I'm a non-traditional adult, so it's a little different working and being a school student.

So I've already got a scholarship that's somehow got the wrong tax form so somehow I have to pay fucking taxes on a scholarship, which makes no fucking sense. Alright, but the layback... Yeah, it really doesn't. The bigger issue is they fuck you but you pay for taxes, right?

During the whole year, you pay taxes or you don't, you gotta pay in. The governor is already gonna get it. Fuck you, pay for doing your taxes Even if you do it yourself You still gotta pay for it Now you can use the IRS Which is pretty much free for most people

But it's an even more complicated software Which forces you to go use like TurboTax or H&R Block Or Jackson Hewitt and all this shit And you're paying like a minimum Fifty to a hundred dollars God bless you Yeah tax or H&R Block or Jackson Hewitt and all this shit and you're paying like a minimum $50 to $100. God bless you. Yeah.

$100. My company does my taxes for me though, so that's great. Well, you gotta pay for it somehow though, don't you? I mean, the company pays for it. They're taking it out of your salary. They don't pay me a salary, so I'm good. Well, they're charging you somehow you're paying for it

I mean the money comes out of the companies of the earth of the company's equity is less but oh wow They do all your taxes. Yeah, do they do them? Well, I don't know I mean, maybe he's maybe he's losing me some money, but he but he gets all the deductions or whatever. Okay. Here we go. Super chats. It's because I'm a part owner, so they're like, ah, we might as well just do everybody's taxes. Wow.

Okay. Here we go. Well, guys, what a great show. Episode 78. And Mike Hunt reads us off with five. Dick pointing out that collecting super chats is not activism to Chrissy Mayer. Right after being joke policed was pure gold. Oh yeah. Did you see that? Was that a fun stream?

Uh, I mean I tried to make it fun, but then I got in trouble. It's fun when you're on there. You got in trouble because you said that super chats are not activism in the midst of a super chat donation run. I said, well, how many rapes does like 20 bucks actually stop like what is this you tried to question the donations no i just wanted to know

is she giving the donation someone was like for a rape council center or something some kind of sexual trafficking thing i was like well how many rapes does like if somebody gives 20 bucks how many people are not 0.04 percent of people will not be raped i hope it's at least one gives 20 bucks, how many people are not raped? 0.04% of people will not be raped. I hope it's at least one. For 20 bucks? Yeah. If he'd stop a rape with 20 bucks, then, you know, nobody would get raped. It's cost more than that.

You are way overestimating or underestimating something. I don't know what. You don't think you could stop a rape with 20 bucks? I think you could do just about anything with 20 bucks. You said, think you could Stop a rape with 20 bucks I think you could I think if a guy's about To rape you And you said hold on Let me get a 20

I think you'd still do it Well you gotta get Stop him before Like you gotta identify The rapist And go like hey Here's 20 bucks Go see a movie

And then the rape didn't happen Yeah then he goes I already saw Avatar 2 There's nothing else In the theaters He goes go see Ant-Man And he goes I'm not seeing Ant-Man

I'm just gonna rape you Go get some ice cream With a waffle cone. He's like, oh, my hands are all sticky. I have to go home and wash them. Right? Okay. $20.

But then this woman said, can we just say that all these jokes are not funny? You got joke policed there? Yeah, there's actual victims of sexual assault. Who was it who joke policed you? Her name was Brutal Brittany, I think. Brutal Brittany. Can we just say that? I'm like, well, I'm not saying that. Don't bring a comedian onto a rape stream

if you don't want a couple good zingers. Koof for five. Thank you for not killing your cat or yourself. Thank you everyone else for not killing yourselves. Thank you, Koof. Brettsman for two. What's your favorite perfume or cologne? Hate them all. What are you talking about? Isaac the Ox for two what's your favorite perfume or cologne hate them all I have no idea yeah what are you talking about Isaac the ox for two Dixie huge p-word for not reading my rhymes oh I'm so here let me see I just thought the other ones

guys were better I'm sorry Vito needs to get a toupee to dick couldn't make it today that was one of his right you're blowing us out of the water, Isaac. You really nailed it. Good stuff. Cooper Billups for two. Thank you. I just, yeah, thank you. Thank you. You know, we pick whatever the best one is. I'm sure you've had, Isaac's had some on the show before, right? Yeah. Cooper Billups for two says do rag veto. I'll do it. Danny fist for two for the hair fund. Get the weave please. Uh, and petty throws another 20 in the debauchery jar. Initial installment on the weave, please. And Petty throws another 20 in the jar. Initial installment on the weave fund. We're going to have to create a tip jar.

The Weave Vito's weave fund? Yeah, the weave fund. Weave Weave. Riley for five. The biggest problem in the universe is Vito has a bigger rack. Okay. That's a bigger rack than my girlfriend. Thank you, Riley Edwards.

Jefferson for 20, just popping in to drop this, but Dick, is it possible to get Asterios on the show? I'm not sure if there was a falling out that I'm not aware of or something, but I miss the guy. No, there was a falling out. There's your answer. Slim Willis 96. Me and Asterios

are best friends, meanwhile. Are you? No, I've never talked to that guy. He's funny. He's fine. I did say there was a bit that I loved for like the longest time, and I had no idea who did it. And then like two years ago, I'm like, oh, Asterios did that bit? President Baby? President Baby.

Yeah, that was a good one. I always laugh at President Baby. Slim Willis, 96 for 10. Rihanna canceled her performance at her local club because they wouldn't serve her and Akon's underage friends booze, so I could care less about her personally. Wow. Wow.

He's trying to get Akon's trying to get kids drunk? Trying to get underage people liquored up? What's that all about? There's nothing I hate more than underage people drinking booze. I know, the worst. And getting preyed on by famous men. JM for five says, Vito, dick and yourself should consider watching creator clash 2 chris ray gun is fighting a guy who will probably knock him out in round one

uh one of those boxing things i hate those man they're weird there's it's like uh peak attention whore i don't understand it i'm like why what do these people have going on that they can drop everything and train for boxing for months? Well, it's just their content then. They just talk about boxing. Yeah. And then afterwards, they hug and talk about how much of a man they are because they stood up and proved that boxing to themselves. Right.

You know, boxing is for like dumb inner city kids who don't know how to make money otherwise. So they let people beat the shit out of them. It's not like a noble sport. I hate to say it. You don't need to train to get your ass kicked. You just got your ass kicked. You're not any different than. Have creator street fights.

Get rid of all the pretense. Just bare knuckle. Beat them up in their sleep. Yeah. I'll probably, I don't know, watch the clips or something. I might watch a clip. Is it a pay-per-view though? Oh, of course. Yeah. I'll probably, I don't know, watch the clips or something. I might watch the clips. Is it a pay-per-view, though? Oh, of course. Yeah, fuck that. I'm gonna pay, like, it's like 30 bucks

to watch it. If he gets knocked out in a funny way, like when Warski got knocked out, I'll watch it. I'll watch a gif of it. Warski getting knocked out in five seconds is like the greatest fucking thing that ever happened. Pop quiz for 20 says money. Thank you, pop quiz. Thank you. That's the best kind of super chat, guys.

I'm not going to lie. I can't deny the love of giving a bunch of money and just saying money. Danny Fist for five. Tim Pool's gonzo journalism is more like the Muppet gonzo. Constant and hilarious failure. Like gonzo the Muppet. Can you imagine like referring to yourself as a Gonzo? You're not supposed to say it about yourself.

No. It's supposed to be like people writing articles in the Village Voice 20 years after you've retired. Yeah. Saying it, you know. So you're a journalist? I'm kind of a Gonzo journalist, you know. I'm a little more, I'm a bit more of a Gonzo. I'm a bit more of a Gonzo journalist myself.

I'm kind of a Fozzie journalist over here. I don't know if you've heard of him, but Hunter S. Thompson is like a big idol of mine. Have you heard of legendary writer Hunter S. Thompson? I'm a lot like that guy. I'm like a Hemingway, but mostly Hunter S. Thompson. Tim Pool doesn't do drugs, does he? I doubt it. But that's his buddy Shane Cashman

Oh is that who's saying it? Who's the gonzo Lantern head He's the gonzo guy Shane Shane who is so down bad To fuck Eliza Blue That he's

He's drooling over her In the interview He's married with kids By the way And he's like Jesus Christ I can't watch any of that Cause I just find it ridiculous

Captain Black And he sits there like With a weird like Kind of cerebral palsy, arms crossed thing. He's a very, and he's not, he doesn't have any sort of ailments like that. I don't understand the love of the Tim Pool Enterprise. I just don't, I don't, I don't find those guys that interesting. I don't get it.

Danny Fish for, no, Captain Blackbread for five. If you guys ever want a direct witness to Adam from Houston's downfall, say it now and I'll email what you have. It's wild. Yeah, email me. I want it for my show. I would like to know what happened. Which one's Adam from Houston?

He's a dick show guy. He had like a weird psychotic break at Ralph's Kingpin. Oh, at Kingpin he had a fall. And he was like just following me around all night telling these obviously made up stories like endlessly about how he's in the CIA and how he has like a bottle of cocaine and trying to do fake gun battles with me with BB guns and he won't let me look at the guns. I'm like, man, you're fucking, you're just really pissing me off and freaking me out. And then after that, I never saw him again.

He was really normal up until that point. Maybe a psychotic break of some sort. Well, email Dick. People can find your email, right? Yeah. You're wrong for $4.99. I'm surprised Vito was able to buy the new Hogwarts game with all the cats you can interact with around the castle.

Shut up. Wait, what does that mean? I think he assumes I'm taking a Q-tip to them or whatever. But why would you be unable to buy it with there's cats? Yeah, I'm going to show up at the store and they're going to go, you're such a notorious cat rapist that we can't possibly sell you this video game. I don't think he really thought that line through too much. They just get excited to say cats, Q-tips.

Cats, cats, Q-tips. Hogwarts, Hogwarts, yeah. Some people have a good cat zinger But we have reached like Peak cat joke Where it's like guys You really gotta put in A little more effort

Yeah You can't go Well there's a cat over there And that's Vito so Raped it Yeah You raped a cat Oh my god

It's like alright Alright Good try Good try guys Thanks for the five That's gotta be a problem At some Like that critical mass when a meme becomes unfunny.

Yeah, it sucks. I remember when Portal first came out and it was like, the cake is a lie. And you're like, oh, that's funny and clever. And then they just kept saying it. And they made little songs and they put it in everything and you're like, oh, I can't enjoy that ever again. Now all of my memories are tainted. I interviewed the writer of Portal and Portal 2 and I're like, oh, I can't enjoy that ever again. Now all of my memories are tainted.

I interviewed the writer of Portal and Portal 2 and I was like, are you guys going to put, because it was before Portal 2 came out, I'm like, are you going to put any like cake jokes in the new one?

He's like, hapso fucking lulim. You guys destroyed that joke. Yeah. I hate myself now that I wrote that for you people. Yeah. Mid Salad is here!

Hey! With $50 in the chat. We just left the new ant man. Thanks for being funnier than quantum mania was. I, I feel like I have to give you guys as much money as I gave Disney tonight. Thank you.

Thank you, man. Uh, we were hoping, I hope you're doing well and everything's going great. Yeah. What's their site. I know.

I always want to probably mint saladad at Fansley or something. I thought it was Tits Mint Salad at Fansley. Okay. Man, you got to tell us how to promote you better. Get on Backby. Search for Tits Mint Salad. Okay. And you should be fine.

Yeah, get on Backby. Devin BT. I saw her new pics on Instagram. They're hot. Black eyeshadows. She's a good looking gal. Yeah. And Riley keeps her plied with heroin to keep her compliant. on Instagram. I haven't. Black eyes, She's a good looking gal.

Riley keeps her plied with heroin to keep her compliant. I have this headcanon. Why are you messing up the ad for her hot pics? It's hotter bringing Riley into it.

If Riley's feeding her heroin to force her into a life of sex trafficking. You know what? That makes it more exciting. You know what? That is a great idea for an OnlyFans. What?

That I'm being sex trafficked. Yeah. Like, I hate it. Like, lonely girl, but nudity also. And, like, there's always a guy, like, just standing in the background scowling or wearing a mask. And they would not let you do that on other platforms, but on Packed By, it can't be stopped.

Yeah. I think it's a good theme. It's kind of hot. DevinBT for two says, My name is Vito, and I love DevinBT. Wow, that of hot. Devin BT for two says, my name is Vito and I love Devin BT. Devin keeps drawing fan art of me. It's all so loving. Didn't he do the,

did he do the thumbnail? Don't bring it up. It's all terrible. He keeps drawing me looking so beautiful. What the fuck is that? That's terrible. Oh my God. He put, he put his name on my ass, butt cheek.

Stop laughing. Stop it. This is terrible. Look, it looks cool. AOC in 2012. Is that my hat? Yeah. Look at your mustache This guy's great

We should definitely use him for every thumbnail going forward He's so talented He's just a kid trying to make a Just a kid trying to make an honest dollar Yeah I saw that one I've seen that one before Alright He's great

He's the best Did you see this one? I love Lollicon. I didn't see that. You didn't see that? You couldn't read that part? It looks exactly like you, though. Oh, yeah.

I love the little twisty ends of my mustache. It's exactly me. You cocksuckers. Fuck you. He's like captured your essence Not like it looks exactly like you But I know right away That's obviously Vito

He really nailed it I can't deny his abilities Okay Fucking terrible I love him he's the greatest So stop bringing it up Let's see Where are we now I think it skipped Super Chats? Yeah, I love him. He's the greatest. So stop bringing it up. Let's see.

Where are we now? I think it skipped. Let's see. Oh, it skipped way far ahead. There we go. Devin Beatsy. Daniel's son for five. I can't wait until Vito looks like Joe Dirt at the end of the movie.

What did Joe Dirt look like at the end of the movie? Oh, with the hair? Because he got like new hair? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me that hair 40 for 2 Says Vito has more hair On his chins than his head That's not incorrect

Justin Runs here for 2 Just blend soapy water And if you need Ice or salt There you go You have a solution To your dumb problem Soapy water?

For your cups No it's not that easy Put a little salt in there No because when you drink regular When you drink anything else Like milk Even milk or something You just dump it out Put a little salt in there. No, because when you drink regular, when you drink anything else, like milk, even milk or something, you just dump it out, put a little water in, but the fucking protein shake is invincible to water.

You can't just rinse it out. It's so frustrating. It's horrible. I can't believe you have to bear that cross. Yeah. Well, NoPantsGomez45 says, Richard's dementia. Also, Vito, we mocked up a bunch of solid toupee options for you in the Discord and have turned them into emojis.

God damn it. What the fuck? Oh, you didn't see that? No. You're not really connected to the fan base like I am. I am a little bit, but they're always on here doing stuff. They're tweeting every two seconds. Where's the Vito toupees?

Ping me in the Discord and I'll bring them up. Yeah, if you can find them, we'll take a look. Darius Renkakovas for five. Blended protein powder is the worst. Aerates it all to hell. Now you got to drink three glasses of frothy bubble. Shut up. Exactly right.

I forgot about that. Who cares? DevinBT for two. My name is Vito. I love... What is he doing? What are you doing? Sorry, I'm looking for the points.

No, I'm talking about him. Why do you want me to say I love red delicious apples? Can you like Change What I'm saying To like make that Into something else Why are you so paranoid?

Cause why else Like you haven't said Enough things already No but I'm saying Is that like a thing Where you can make it say Like I hate black people And it perfectly lines up

With my mouth Well you just said it I know I just said it But Whatever I hate this show God damn it I don't know what tricks and it perfectly lines up with my mouth. Well, you just said it. I know I just said it, but... Whatever. I hate this show. God damn it. I don't know what tricks you people are trying to pull on me.

Wait, okay, what do you think about... Can you even look at those? I can't blow them up. God damn it. Send me a link. Somebody send us a gallery of all the toupees. We can look at it on the next show. Okay, yeah.

Somebody send us a photo gallery. Pete Oxenham for five Really offensive to see Vito doubt the legitimacy of that photo Fuck you That was dick Cara Fro for ten Donated towards the toupee fund

We're at $32 in the toupee fund No that's the weave fund Michael Winning for two says I will donate 100 USD if Vito says TBF I can't do it before you send the donation Yeah that wouldn't make sense Yeah cause I could get tricked Then everybody would say they're gonna donate 100 USD if Vito says TBF. I can't do it before you send the donation. Yeah, that wouldn't make sense. Yeah, because I could get tricked. Then everybody would say they're going to donate 100 bucks.

If you send 100 bucks, I'll say it. And Dick will play the dumb clip. Yeah. Christina, waity for 10. I'm a truck driver, and the biggest problem is people can't properly merge. I was going to bring in something like that. That's a strange name for a man, Christina. Yeah, wait.

Girls aren't allowed to watch this show. What's happening here? Why every time you click on their profile... I just want to see what they look like. That's all. They don't show you what they look like. It's a picture of a bunch of hamburgers. Women, listen to this show, dick. That's a bad sign. Kevin Flesher for $9.99. Vito, why did your pants

at the Long Beach show have holes and bleach stains? I don't think they had holes. Oh, you can't go up and down now? There you go. Couldn't have dressed up slightly nice. Patreon goal to get Vito some slightly presidential pants. I think I've thrown out the bleach stain pants.

They were pants I used while I was bleaching something, and they had stains, and yes, I looked like a piece of shit, and I'm sorry. I don't think about these things. I look like a piece of shit all the time. Well, you think about your hat. Not really. I try to make sure

the hat matches like the shirt or something. So if it has bleached stains on it, then what kind of hat do you match with that? I have a bleached stained hat that I should have worn. Then I would have been coordinated. Whatever. Nobody watched that stand-up anyway. Nobody cares. Petty for $50 have a bleach stained hand then i should have worn then i would have been coordinated whatever nobody watched that stand-up anyway nobody cares uh petty for 50 american dollars wow wow please

use some of this to buy my boy ralph a drink he does not need it he's already got one based on the last stream i watched that man has enough liquor in his house to kill him and everyone he loves uh warren for two says this YouTuber guy should get famous on LiveLeak. Yeah, go make some LiveLeak videos. I think you only make one of those. I think you make one. And it's complaining about how the time to become a YouTuber has run out.

And then, yeah, you blow your fucking brains out. All right. Real quick, we have Nick Bailey. Did I get tricked into saying something? $2. Dick, where do I get that shirt? Oh, someone sent it to me.

I don't know where to get more. What is it? What does it even mean? 2020 infinity, it says. It never ends. Yeah. It never ends. Mint salad is here, says Ant-Man 3 writer Jeff Loveness.

Just liked Riley's tweet about Ant-Man 3 being like Rick and Morty without Justin Roiland. Interesting. Oh, God, that's funny. I don't think he realized that was probably an insult. Mint Salad for another 10 adds, the girls boxing creator class is how I found out about Fansly. They supported it. It would be funny if Vito fought Tony in it.

Will everyone stop trying to get me to box Tony from Hack the Movies? You guys should, though. That would be funny. I don't want to train. I don't have time for this shit. Well, neither of you would train or fight. That's why it's funny. I would look.

I'll like, yeah. You could just sit down. I'll wrestle him around. You can get us lubed up. The next live show, not this one, but the next one, I'll do a me and Tony cover us in baby oil and we'll just try to sell tickets here. Vito. Hey man, people want to see it. They say they don't, but they do not sell suicide.

Jay Thompson for two says I should have the Bevan do a super killer cover. Yes. He's going to do it anyway. Actually. He's not happening. And mint salad ads. Yes. I'm tits Mint Salad.

So go to fansly.com slash Tits Mint Salad. And I did make a backed dot buy for ASC Presents for future cartoons. Oh, great. I do have a backed buy. Okay. Support Mint Salad over on Fansly. We love

the great Mint Salad. Guys, what a show. We've learned so much. Dick denied transgenocide. I complained about the Super Bowl. Don't forget to vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show and, of course, the Biggest Problem bonus episode. Biggest Problem in Black History

Month, now available at patreon.com slash biggestproblem and backed out by slash biggestproblem. Why don't you show us our top supporters on the board? We love them. We love to hate them. They hate to love them. Keep on coming back.

You got to also send me the backed by people for the next time I put that thing together. Okay. So you will be recognized backed by people in the future. Tune in Wednesday for Chrissy Mayer on the show. Next week, Chrissy Mayer comes in to defend her idiot Christian friend and who knows what else. Tell us the best way to go holiday shopping.

Just steal whatever you want from other more fortunate families. It's going to be a great show. Grinch style. Grinch style. Alright, goodbye everyone. Grinch style. We're having a Grinch style Christmas. Steal everybody else's presents.

Come to Vito too. We're playing Hogwarts. Tomorrow. Alright. And end. And... You had...