The Biggest Problem in the Universe - Episode 79

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

The Anchoring Effect, Contouring, Kink Personalities

That's a horrible feeling. And then I'm a retard and you're a retard. Ow, ow, fuck. I always bump my teeth on this show. Do you do that on your show? You bumped your teeth? Let me see those teeth. Do you have mic chips on those teeth?

Mic chips? Yeah. From banging your teeth against the microphone? I should have. Why do I have that? I should have. I don't know, man. I chipped my tooth.

Well, one of my front teeth I chipped from a bungee cord. Like, I was playing with a bungee cord somewhere before ninth grade, and I let with the wrong hand i was supposed to fling it that way but i flung it in my own face god big old chunk of my front tooth uh yeah that was like as a kid still and then a couple summers ago was drinking out of a snapple bottle for some reason fucking snapple yeah and then chipped another going through like a lesbian part of it yeah I'm over that now. Snapple's a lesbian thing? I don't know. Snapple's a New York thing. It's a New York thing.

I hang out with lesbians all the time. That's my thing. Yeah, just eating muff, drinking Snapple. Welcome to the studio. This is such an honor and a pleasure. I feel like what I see on the screen every day has come alive in 3D. Every day. It's like a treat for the eyes and the ears.

This is a feast. You're right. Look at them. You guys are real people. It's true. You look like an angel in that middle seat. Look at that. The lighting has never looked so good.

Whatever lighting you guys have. It's her perfect white skin. And for all the simps out there, you look even better in person than you do on the internet. You guys are so tall. Oh, my goodness. Thank you. That was the biggest thing.

You're always expecting to be a troll of some sort. No, you guys are gigantic. You're like, I don't mean that. Thanks, Chrissy. You know what it is? You meet so many comedians and showbiz people, and they're all smaller than you think. Are they really? Yeah. The TV always makes you look bigger and then you meet someone in real life

and go, oh, you're smaller than I thought. You guys are fucking all like over six feet each. I went to the doctor. They said, I'm like, I thought I was 5'11". The doctor said I'm like six. Maybe I was wearing good shoes that day. My girlfriend says I'm 5'12". 5'12". Yeah.

But it only goes up to 11. Knock her. Well, you know, that's her joke. That's how they do that. That's a great example of women comedy. Yep. You know, not funny. Right.

Hey. Hey. Hey. All right. Are we ready to do this? Chrissy, what race are you? I'm half German, half Norwegian. That's why your skin's so good.

That's why she looks so good in the lighting. Because I have Nazi blood coursing through my skin. I'm saying you don't have any of this. Because I have filthy like Italian genes and you're obviously, you know, one of the mongrel races yourself. That's why we don't look so good on camera. Are you both Italian? I'm Italian.

She's a Mexican. I'm the opposite of Italian. Is Mexican the opposite of Italian? I think so. Somehow. I'd like to see that pie chart. I think, like, Sudanese would be the opposite of everything, really. Because Italians are always like, look at how much I work.

Oh, my God. They're always like, oh, with their hand magazines, just like sleeping. I'd have to see you up on a roof to know if you really were Mexican to get the whole effect. Why? Because I could, like, not walk. Like, I don't have my roof legs. Yeah, they do roofs. Roofs?

Roofs. Roofs. With a V. Working out a lot of roofs. This guy, this is a lie. He says Vito has a way bigger rack than Chrissy. All right. All right.

I don't think that's true. I should put the bra on. See how it fits. Wow, look at this, you can see everything You can see how many people are watching That would bum me out to be looking at that the whole time You don't check the numbers? You'd do a show I check them after the fact

I see the little YouTube number Like in the corner But I don't look at the chart That way if the show starts to suck you know immediately. You men love your charts and your numbers and you comparing contrasting. Yeah that's a man thing. Ranking. You love to rank things.

Men work and need their paychecks to go up. Who's your favorite host so far? Between the two of you? If you had to rank us yeah. That's really tough. Well you offered me a drink so I'm gonna go with Dick. Alright. Alright let's do this. Well, you offered me a drink, so I'm going to go with dick. All right. All right, let's do this.

Let's do this show. Theme song that we play to begin the show. Chrissy Mayer is here on the biggest problem in the universe. Welcome to the biggest problem in the universe. Oh, fuck, I forgot to get a rhyme. He fucked up everything. The only show that ranks every, goddammit, every problem in the universe from not buying shit, I don't know, to pregnant Rihanna. What rhymes with Rihanna?

From halftime shows to this show. To halftime shows. Frittata? No. To frittatas. No. To these fucking rhymes. I'm your host, Dick Masterson.

Anyway. You're going to make a checklist for the show. Hi, Dave. Joining us to squash the biggest podcast beef that there's ever been, probably. I don't think that's true. Probably. Up there. I don't think that's true.

Who do you think of beefs? Howard Stern And Don Imus Yeah Rosie O'Donnell Starring John Howard Stern And

Starring John And everyone Starring John and everyone Carl Now Kevin Brennan And Anthony Cumia That's a beef Yeah

And then you and Chrissy Mayer Yeah Me and Chrissy Mayer I feel like people need to Hold us back You know like When there's like MMA. I'm just like excited to finally have another stand-up comedian on the show.

Oh, right. You do stand-up too. Yeah. It's great to finally get someone else from the stand-up, you know, arena in the show. Another legendary stand-up. I didn't know that's what he was talking about, but you picked it up right away. Yeah. Because she's another fellow stand-up.

Yes, hello, fellow stand-up. Hello. Our stand-ups, we're quick. You know, quick with it. We get it right in there. So you're in town for stand-up? Yeah. And Vito, you're doing some stand-up.

I'll be doing some stand-up in my bathtub. Ooh, dabble. No, I'm going to do some stand-up. I don't believe you. At the April show, I'm supposed to do some. I don't know how I got roped into that. We haven't discussed that yet. Well, don't believe you At the April show I'm supposed to do some I don't know how I got roped into that We haven't discussed that yet Well don't do it then Who came up with this?

You guys are like an old married couple You sound very alike You have the same You do the same things with your voices You match each other To get across to this filthy Mexican I go to check the page I'm like oh I can't wait to do the You've met each other. To get across to this filthy Mexican. I go to check the page.

I'm like, oh, I can't wait to do the WATP Dick Show live show. Me too. Tickets now available at live.dick.show. Yeah. And I'm like, I wonder what's going to happen to the show. And it's like featuring stand-up sets. I Googled live Dick Show and something entirely different came up Don't go to live dick show dot com That's a whole different thing

So I guess I know Carl said are you sure he'll do it And I said no it's funny put it on there How many people What's the size of that venue Like 500 or something 500 tickets Where's the show

It's in Philly you want to come 422 It's going to be Carl and the dick show and a bunch of Tony from Hack the Movies will be there. Okay. I don't know what that is. Okay. Sorry, Tony.

This feels like the time I missed on meeting Tommy Wiseau from The Room. He and I were passing. He was going to be in New York, and I think maybe he's there now. And I was so bummed because it's like it's just you want to meet these strange internet people. Yeah. You feel like you only get one shot. We got to see Neil Hamburger a couple weeks ago. That was great. Oh yeah that was cool. Do you know Neil Hamburger?

Is he related to Carl Hamburger? No. No. He's another stand up. Yeah. And he's one of the best. Neil Hamburger is bad on purpose. Carl Hamburger is just bad. You guys have the same laugh. Is that on purpose? Yeah weurger is just bad. Okay. You guys have the same laugh. Is that on purpose? Yeah, we coordinate.

Okay. Let's go. One, two, three. You guys are like Patty and Selma of the radio world. That's why people love us so much.

It's cute. Anyway, live.dick.show, I guess I have to do stand-up in front of 500 people. That's not intimidating. It's so hard

It's a little hard Hey guys I got out of bed today I burned all my material on the last show I already burned it Like anyone fucking listen to that I'm sure you can put together another Truman show Joke Something about the Shawshank Redemption

Or the Bush years or something. I'll just talk about, yeah, classic 90s comedy. Yeah. Do you like to do crowd work? I do a little crowd work. He yelled at a guy. Well, I had to keep yelling at the fucking guy because I always end up doing crowd work because I always get heckled for some fucking reason.

Yeah, that's part of the deal. Fighting a heckler. Do you do a lot of crowd work? I love crowd work I would do just crowd work if I could get away with it what's your best crowd work? it depends on who's in front of me but I like getting

I like getting into well I like the person that has their arm folded and they're like determined not to laugh like I will I will bomb a whole set just to get to that one person

I will kamikaze the whole thing but I like kind of digging into like, if there's something funny about the way someone answers a question, if it usually has to do with their relationship, I like to just like pull on that string until something weird comes out. There's always something.

Yeah, like at DabbleCon, there was a couple sitting right in the front row. And if anybody like, well, I don't know if they released the footage or whatever. I know some rogue person took their own footage. Oh my God. There was a couple that had been together

22 years but only married one year. And I was like, what are you, the doctor who gave birth to her? Like, what the fuck is your guy's story? Like, now it's finally legal. You know, I was like, you guys have to explain what the fuck's going on. Do you know a comedian, Tom Clark?

You might not. He's an LA guy. He does great crowd work. He's one of my... You walked into my house and asked my girlfriend, or asked me in front of my girlfriend if I wanted to get married. I know. I'm like an overbearing Italian mother. Because I just came from the nail salon, and then the nail ladies,

they have to know your whole situation immediately. I was like, oh, I thought we were squashing beefs today. No judges at all. I just, you know. Oh were squashing beefs today. No judges at all. I just, you know. Oh, on your behalf. Yeah. No judges. Now there's going to be a long conversation after you leave.

Why? Does she want to? Why are we married? All women do. I don't know if that's true. What are you talking about? Oh, well, you should try dating them. I didn't want to for many years because I looked at my parents and I was like, nope,

they resent each other. Yeah. And they talk shit behind each other's back. Like, I don't want to do that. When did you get married? I haven't yet. Oh, well then. Oh, I thought you just want it to happen. No, I'm engaged. I mean,

it's going to happen this year. It's going to happen this year. Well, that's good. You'll have a big what all the comedians come out and you know what kind of wedding you're doing? Is is like a destination obnoxious no not destination come on go to i mean it's gonna make everybody pay out the ass it's gonna be a destination for people who like don't live uh in new york but i don't know the friars club no that's not my those are not my people okay let's do you want to get into the

problems from last week yeah i didn't fucking connect the drumroll again. Thank you. Ethical consumption clowns. Hey, I won! Even though you ripped on me for that problem, and a bunch of commenters did as well. Yeah, what do you think of the people who say you should consume ethically, Chrissy?

No, I think that's bullshit. I think, like ohio has taught us all so much like no fucking greta no biden no leo dicaprio going out there we got fucking benny johnson out there like him hate him handing out envelopes full of cash to these people yeah fuck everybody they're all full of shit Drive your You know what I mean They're all hypocrites All of them Are there any products

That you won't buy though Because you're like Oh I don't support that company Yes I stopped buying Victoria's Secret Because of how woke they went I was like an OG Victoria's Secret customer

What did they do Yes they went black and fat And I was like And retarded Didn't they put Yes That's the thing I don't mind a retarded

Victoria's Secret model because her, like, as. Don't you think the guy would mind? Like, I saw this on a retarded broad on the newspaper. Was it Kumia who said, oh, those titties aren't retarded. That's definitely something somebody said. I don't mind because a retarded person, like, they're joyful no matter what they're doing. And, like, no one's really putting a retard.

That would ruin the sex for me, though. To push an agenda. Like, Like you're I don't know Retards are the OG victim group And now it's like so many more victim groups have entered the ring Yeah If I were retarded I'd be upset I'd be like what this is all taking like Yeah but retarded guys don't get the fun of victimhood

Because they don't really know their victims Because everyone's you know supposed to treat them so nice They're perfect They're the perfect victim You can be upset about them and you don't have to carry about care about it at all you can deny them all the opportunities you want they're like i got a balloon i'm happy yeah i'm good to go and i'm gonna fucking hump somebody's leg in a half hour train wrecks was next i don't know that was a pretty bad problem i think protein clump sticking in your glass how is that not dead

last protein shake clump sticking in your glass terrible problem is that not dead last? Protein shake clump sticking in your glass. Terrible problem. And then halftime shows are the last. Did you like the pregnant Super Mario? I didn't watch it. Smash Brothers level? Rihanna? Yeah. I don't even think she's pregnant. I think she's wearing a moon bump. I think so many of these celebrities they fake their pregnancy. They wear a moon bump and they have a surrogate

do it, but they don't. What's a moon bump? A moon bump is a fake belly. These celebrities, they don't want to fuck up their bodies. They don't want to get stretch marks, but they don't. What's a moon bump? A moon bump is a fake belly. These celebrities, they don't want to fuck up their bodies. They don't want to get stretch marks, but they also don't want people to know they have a surrogate because they don't want them to get pressed and then make more demands. Yeah. It's not human slavery.

No, I'm kind of against it. Can you quit whenever you want? Yeah, me too. Can you quit whenever you want? I think it's wrong. Me too. I feel bad saying it when I see two gay guys sitting in a hospital bed pretending they just blew a baby out their you want I think it's wrong I think it's Me too I feel bad saying it When I see like Two gay guys Pretend Sitting in a hospital bed Pretending they just

Blew a baby out their ass I think like I don't think this is right Yeah I think this is bad Make your own Fucking butt baby I don't know

It's just like Stop it It's not fucking natural God did not want you guys To make a fucking kid If he wanted Two gay dudes To have a kid together

They would have made One of them a chick What if he knocks up The chick though Is that okay Yeah that's fine What if one of two gay dudes to have a kid together, they would have made one of them a chick. What if he knocks up the chick, though? Is that okay? Yeah, that's fine. What if one of the gay dudes knocks up a chick? That's fine. What if he has to look at his partner the whole time he's fucking her?

That's totally fine. That's fine. So the problem is taking it out with a little eyedropper and putting it in the womb? That's the problem? Yeah. Why? What's the difference? The other one's funny that you're saying

where he's trying to get his dick hired. I think you need the struggle of awkward sex. Yes, you do need the struggle, Vito. If I'm struggling every day, then you gay motherfuckers are going to struggle too. You can't take Vaseline soaked pictures in hospital

beds without struggling at least as much as me. They're not in the hospital bed Because they're like victims They're there because It's a place to hold the child You know Like they're not Claiming to be patients

Well what bed is it then? It's because they're holding a baby Yeah I don't like the Getting in the hospital bed It's like you didn't Push anything out Where else are they gonna Take a picture of them

With their child They just stand there Why are they It's a nice way Why don't grease them then To relax with a baby For a period of time You're trying to bond with a baby? Why do they stand there? Why are they? It's a nice way to relax with a baby for a period of time. You're trying to bond with a baby.

You're probably going to be there for an hour holding it. Why are you sweating? Oh, I got something stuck in the vending machine. I don't know about the sweating. Gay guys are just naturally sweaty.

I don't know. Okay. No problem with surrogacy. Pat, let's see. Strip. Strip Royce says the weird Vito caricatures are even funnier than the super killer fan art.

I disagree. They are funny, though. The one where I'm like 10,000 pounds and being held up by a bunch of African pygmies. Yeah, all of the other ones, too. Great image. CG says, the Voight-Kampff Blade Runner bit had me in tears. I'd pay 100 bucks a month for for a 15 minute skit comedy show

based on half of your guys' bids. Wow, a hundred bucks. Guys, I want to make that- Especially the one where Vito exposes these internet hoax crisis actors. Shut up, shut up, shut up. He's shopping with fear as he speaks his truth. Very funny, guys.

Did you see that AI trans lady? Stop it. Don't make this a recurring bit. This is terrible. Brianna, what was her name? Vito brought her in. Brianna Gay.

She's not AI. She's an actual trans girl who got killed. But there's not even any record of her. Yes, there is. Stop. Of Brianna Gay. This is a terrible bit. This is terrible.

We're going to get canceled by everybody. He seems personally embarrassed by you bringing this up. No, because this is what happens is that we is a terrible bit. This is terrible. We're going to get cancelled by everybody. He seems personally embarrassed by you bringing this up. No, because this is what happens is that we have a fun podcast and the next thing I know, some fucking Washington Post journalist goes, did you hear about the alt-right podcast that says that this dead trans teenager isn't real?

I know how this works. Are they dead? Yes, they're dead. It's a dead kid. Stop it. Don't. What did they die of? Exactly. They died of dead kid. Stop it. Don't. What did they die of? Exactly. They died of getting stabbed. Natural causes? Stabbed. Were they jab stabbed?

They got stabbed. Who stabbed them? Stop it. Who stabbed them? It's a simple question. Some other kids. Basketball Americans? No, no.

It wasn't even in America. Stop. I'm going to hell. This is terrible. How's Kumia doing? Trying to save this show. Yeah, exactly. I'm trying to How's Kumia doing? Trying to save this show. Yeah, exactly. Trying to prevent a Kumia-type situation.

Jay Hawk says, I think it's a matter of principles for some people with ethical consumption. I saw a tweet that said they're either your friend or they continue to eat at Chick-fil-A because the food is good. You might have heard that Chick-fil-A is a... Yeah, they're anti... Owned by Christians. They're semi-anti-gay. It's so good. It's worth it, though. I had Chick-fil-A recently.

It is. It is good chicken. You know, there's like a hot, crazy index and like a woman could get away with being more crazy

if she's... That's how food places should be. It's like, have your beliefs, but your nuggets better be on point. If I went to...

How homophobic can you be for how good your food is? If I went to Cain's Chicken Fingers and all the employees were black guys with collars around their neck and like chained

to the machines, I'd still be like, man, it is really good chicken, though. That sounds like a place Jussie Smollett would want to work at.

The guy who faked his garage pull thing. Yeah, faked his race crimes. No, that wasn't Smollett. That was the other guy. That was Bubba Wallace. Oh, yeah, Bubba. Smollett who faked his garage pull thing. No, that wasn't Smalley. That was Bubba Wallace. Oh, yeah, Bubba.

Smalley was faked getting attacked by MAGA goons while attending a Subway sandwich at 1 o'clock in the morning. I feel like we have double jeopardy on that one. On which one? Smalley? Juicy. Juicy? Like some MAGA guys could just show up and kick his ass and it would be okay, right? I don't think that's how that works.

I don't think he'd... I'm pretty sure. He'd probably want that, though. He'd like that. No, don't do it, because that's what he wants. What do you think race hoaxes we're going to see this year, Chrissy? It's a new year. I think we're going to see more, because they really want to push the trans stuff, because

Big Pharma makes a killing on it. We're going to see more trans hate crimes. Hmm. Yeah. Like AI. Stop it. Stop it. Computer-generated victims. Trans crimes. Hmm. Yeah. Like AI. Stop it. Computer generated victims,

trans victims. Literally. No one's even counting their fingers. They're too busy counting their dicks. Literally today, I go to Dick. I go,

we got an email from Spotify. They're excited about the podcast. Yeah. Next thing you know, we're canceled. Are these not canceled? We're going to get canceled.

Colton says, well, Dick, you lost me on this episode. All of this defending Satanism is very cringe. That was me saying that the Super Bowl halftime show was not Satan. Not Satan. Really? And that guy wearing a red hat dancing around like a fat prick was also not.

Yeah, Satan. I mean, it's not not trying to look Satanic. Oh, no. It's trying to look like Satan But that's not Satan That's a fat retard dancing around in a red suit That's my... Satan is like, you know, child abuse guys But what do you think they're doing later that night?

Sam Smith? Yes Probably poppers and blowing guys. Yeah, that's what I would expect. Is that not... Is that Satan to a guy getting a bunch of other guys off in the Roosevelt?

How far does the satanic thing go? Do you think there's blood orgies? I think so. You think there's blood? Okay. I think there's

drinking of blood. Summoning rituals? I think there's human sacrifice. But who would they sacrifice? Literal human sacrifice? Or abortions? I mean, are we on YouTube? Yes.

You can talk about human sacrifice. I don't know. Don't say their name. Just like wink. Let me guess. I'm good at guessing. If you just give me the first couple letters of the name. Do you believe Donald Trump saved the kids in the tunnels beneath New York?

Wow, I feel like we're back in 2020. Well, somebody had to save them. Do you believe Donald Trump saved the kids in the tunnels beneath New York? Wow. I feel like we're back in 2020. Well, somebody had to save them. Do I feel like? No, I think that still goes on. You think there's still kids being trafficked for satanic ritualistic sacrifice? I think so. I think as long as Hollywood is a thing.

And as long as none of these kids have ever long as Hollywood is a thing And as long as like But how come none of these kids Have ever like gotten out And been like Oh man they almost You know cut me open And then I That happened to me

Did it? Yeah I was trafficked in Hollywood How? Can I go on all the podcasts And talk about it? Yeah you have to be Digitally trafficked And then

I'm a guy I always go Look like if something Like that is happening Eventually somebody will blow the whistle. True, true. But you've never had anybody, even like, because you'd be in Hollywood and somebody would be like, hey, you want to come to a cool party? You'd be like, yeah. And then you'd go, and there's a kid getting cut open and his blood spilling over the dais and people in oxhorn heads.

It's cool. You ever been there? Well, no, I think that one guy might go, I feel like I should tell somebody about this. Didn't Alex Jones walk in on some of that? Alex Jones went to, I was going to say N-word head, but that's not the name of it. What's it called? Where's that thing in the woods they do? Where did he go?

Well, it's where all the political heads of state go and have a weird, I don't know, they do some satanic looking stuff. The thing that was In House of Cards Right? Yeah Retreat Rituals Camping Something rock

White rock There's a rumor That Lady Gaga Like took her Friends identity And then that woman Like died That's awesome

And then she kind of Like absorbed Her fucking Personality And she also Fucks with Marina Abramovich and they do all That like spirit cooking

Blood shit But that shit's like retarded right It's very retarded That's the thing is that like anytime someone's like There's satanic stuff going on Are you saying my female comedians again Anytime there's something like oh there's a satanic Thing going on look at this like spirit cooking

Or this stupid like painting John Podesta has I'm like Yeah but that's something like, oh, there's satanic thing going on, look at this spirit cooking or this stupid painting John Podesta has. I'm like, yeah, but that's just actually stupid. It's not even like, it was Satan. It would be cool. Do you think it was just something for people to get excited and upset about? What, the paintings? The early days of the pandemic, yeah. Oh, for Podesta stuff?

That's weird shit. I think that guy needed a map for pizza. You don't have a pizza map? Ugh. If you're looking for pizza, you want a map. Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where are we in Pizzagate?

You want a map to find all the pizza? Anyway. He had a handkerchief pizza map. I don't remember. Anyway. I think there would be evidence at this point. You attacking Melanie for beliefs you are ignorant about makes you look dumb. A woman just beat you.

Congratulations. I don't know. I think I got Christianity pretty well pegged. Are you a Christian? I've been here for a while. I think I know what they're all about. She's Christian. Yeah.

We should have more religious people give us their perspectives. I mean, I haven't been to church since Christmas. You still went to church, though. Yeah, midnight mass, baby. Midnight mass is like Jesus' surprise party. You didn't know it was coming. It's like mass, but for cool people that are up late. Did you hear about Keffel's cocaine addiction?

Yeah, Keffel's is cool now. She's a coke hound. Why do you think she has that addiction? Why do you think? Why do I think she's addicted to coke? Because coke is fun and exciting. Yeah. Do you know what I think?

What do you think? Like a lot of women, I think she suffers from penis envy. How does cocaine help with that? It's just got gotta bury your misery in wanting to have that dick. Cocaine is a problem that happens to you when you have too much money and like, I don't know. Why would Keffels have penis envy? I thought she has a penis.

No. No. Well, I've got news for you, pal. Do Keffels have surgery? Yes. Really? Yeah, she posts like the picture all the time. I don't know. I'm not looking at fucking people's trans bottom surgery. I'm on there all day picture all the time I don't know I'm not looking at fucking people's trans bottom surgery I'm on there all day every day

I don't want to see that I saw one of those fake penises And like the leg strips missing And there's just this big weird Oh yeah Soda bottle looking thing Out of your thigh or something Yeah

And I started looking it up I'm like well Can you How do you pee Can you like jerk it off? The fake penis? And it's like, not really. No, it'll probably come off if you try to do that.

They have to, apparently they have a thing they put into it to make it like get fake erect. I don't know. They put like a device in there. Can you jerk this bottle off? Remember those pump shoes that like the pump sneakers? Yeah, let it pump up your dick, I think. Reebok.

And then you can kind of simulate whatever and then but all the pleasures that just they leave your clitoris intact at the base it's strictly ornamental and especially if they take it off your thigh you could have straight up thigh hairs growing out of your fake dick like they don't that's what I don't understand is it's like

and I was reading the scientific literature and it's like that's when you construct a penis I'm like well that's not a penis You construct what looks like maybe a penis Yeah Have you ever seen one in real life? No A trans penis?

Yeah I saw like a porn where a trans Man was like Jerking off their penis And I really wish I hadn't seen it You had a trans lady Did it look like a Vienna sausage? What did it look like? Why would a trans man have all your edits trans man?

It looked like an Arby's bag that you took home, but it fell out in your car. So you got home, it like fell over in the bag, and you're like, ah, shit. You know, it's like everywhere. Was it even on all sides? I feel like it would be impossible to sculpt. Does it look like a water weenie?

Yes. It does. Because that's what I saw from the picture Yeah It was like a little too big too It's like they have to compensate I suppose it was too big The width

I'd go with no dick over a horrible looking thing Don't cut off your penis people Unless you really need to As the big winner I'm going to go first And my problem dick Drum roll for me, is anchoring bias. Okay.

Now, this is not a bias relating to ships and actual anchors. Sorry. Dick, you ever go into a store and you see an item on the shelf? Yeah. And you go, $100? Well, that seems a little pricey for me. I don't know what you would be buying,

a fancy whiskey bottle or something. A brand new wiener. Brand new wiener at the store. A hundred dollars, that seems quite pricey. But then you see

the MSRP of the item and you go, well, this used to be $400. And now my perception has changed. I no longer say

this is a fancy trans penis or a too expensive trans longer say this is a fancy trans penis Or a too expensive trans penis This is a bargain I cannot live without Shut up It goes deeper than that idiot Anchoring bias is a

Very important type of Cognitive bias That influences our decision making And can have negative effects If you don't know how to counter it this is going to be an educational segment you're going to learn a lot now i've run into this recently because i've been working on my hit comic book super killer okay negotiating prices with a variety of vendors and artists and whatever else now let's say somebody you got a job you want to do, right?

And somebody, you're trying to negotiate a deal with somebody. Right. Is it better to get them to name their price or is it better for you to name the price? Whoever says the price first loses. Wrong. Academic research on negotiation says that 85% of negotiated outcomes align with the person who goes first. Oh, really? Now, I know what you're thinking because you go, well, I don't want to name a price that's

too low and then they seize on it or I name a price that's too high and then they're offended. Yeah. But the thing is by establishing the anchor point, the anchor number, you have the upper hand in a negotiation because people's cognitive bias will now revolve around that number. You have to give me an example. I have a number of examples. Like this problem sucks. This problem does not suck.

That's an example. This is a great problem. This is very interesting. Let's say a company, you go into a salary negotiation. In your mind, you go, I wish I could get, I think I deserve $70,000 a year. But you don't say. And the company comes to you and they go, well, for this job, we were expecting to pay about $40,000 a year. Is this how you're asking for a raise? Well, that is one of the many.

Have you ever asked for a raise before? Yeah. And they said no. Hey, at least you asked. At least I asked. How much did you ask for? I don't know. just like hey man you know whatever's going up and he's like yeah what company prices are going i was getting paid good anyway oh okay it was also one of those things where i'm like i'm probably billing them for hours i'm not working anyway so i might as well just be happy with what i got uh the point would be that you they come at you and they say, well, we can offer $40,000.

Now there's an anchor point in mind where you're now like, shit. So even if you argue your way up to like $60,000, your cognitive bias is going, well, hey, I got an extra $20,000 out of the deal, even though you're actually $10,000 lower than what you actually wanted to begin with.

So even though you're losing, there's the belief of winning because they had all the control in that situation. I have a couple studies here, which I find fascinating. What about women saying that they have sex on the third date? And then you're like, oh, all right. I got a number in my head. But yeah, but you would have been upset if you thought you were going to fuck on the first date.

Exactly. Yeah. So they're conning us. You're going, oh, I'm date. Yeah. Now you're like. So they're conning us. You're going, oh, I'm only two away. When you're like, well, I should have got it. I should have got it that night. That was like. Then you do a quick like.

I paid for the lobster dinner. Pick them up for breakfast. Drop them off. Pick them up for lunch. Drop them off. Pick them up for dinner. Boom. You're in business.

Yeah. You just got to really knock those dates out quick. The whole day worth of meals. Fuck. You're too sleepy. Here's a couple of interesting studies. An economist asked people to write down The last two digits of their social security number

Okay Absolutely not I've seen this I won't even make it up because then you'll know those aren't the digits Anyway 69 Sure let's say 69 And he showed them various items and he said

Okay if this bottle of wine was $69 Do you think that's he said, OK, if this bottle of wine was $69, do you think that's too much or too little? If this bar of chocolate was $69, is it too much or too little? Sure. But afterwards, he had them actually bid money for the items in a simulated auction of sort. And those who had higher social security numbers, even though they were completely unrelated to the objects,

on average would bid 60 60 to 120% higher. Because they now associated the chocolate bar with a $69 price tag, despite the fact that it was completely arbitrary. I think you have to go into that situation knowing, I don't want to spend more than $40 on a bottle of wine no matter what. Like, just know what your price is that you're not going to go above. But it puts this weird thing in your head where you go, well, I knew't worth 69 but now i can get it for 30 i mean is that not a bargain yeah even though uh it is not related another great idea you can use this as like a

little trick to get people to do shit okay that they don't want to do another study uh researchers went to a group of students and they said, would you be willing to volunteer as camp counselors two hours a week, every week for the rest of the year? Yeah, of course. Two hours a week, go to camp, help these kids out. And they're like, no. What kind of a camp? Let's see.

Hot guy camp. Concentration? Just as camp counselors, I assume, like, you know, a regular camp. No satanic anything. It's a Krav Maga for inner city kids. Krav Maga for inner city kids. All right. And they asked him to make a two-year commitment.

Could you do this for two years? And everybody was like, no, I'm not going to donate two hours of my time for two years. Yeah. I said, okay. How about just a weekend? How about one weekend you do it? Yeah. And for the people who they didn't ask ahead of time, they just said, hey, would you help kids out this weekend?

Only 17% agreed. But when they asked them ahead of time if they would do it forever, half agreed to do it the one weekend. What to what? From 17% to 50%. To half? How can you use this to con people?

How can you use this? Ask for more. Always ask for more. Always ask for more. Be like, hey, can you come over and wash people? How can you use this? Ask for more. Always ask for more. Always ask for more. Be like, hey, can you come over and wash my- Can I see your pussy? Can you do my laundry for the next year? How about one lip? How about you do my laundry once? Yeah, exactly.

Can I go half my penis in? Okay. Well, that's fair. You don't want the whole penis in there. Well, I already know that one. That's a trick. That's an old trick. Yeah, that's the old-

Gets you every time. Like, I didn't say what tip I meant the back tip Those are the best ones though Yes I got it The point is I've always run into this In my life where I go Sex stolen is better than

You know Sex earned Right they say That's an old saying That's a thing a rapist would say Sex stolen is better than Sex earned Yeah that's a classic

Stolen sex I think I think Benjamin Franklin Had that in Poor Richard's Almanac, right? A loose woman is worth two penny farthings. What in the hand

is worth two in the bush? How does it go? Yeah, I think that's it. One in the hand is better than two in the bush. Because it means you have one as opposed to having zero. But they're just in the bush Yeah it's right there They could fly away they're birds

Oh it's about birds I think it's about birds One hand is worth two in the bush Because maybe it's not birds I don't know Unless it's a flightless bird Yeah maybe it was about penguins I think that's what it was.

Because it's getting me off fucking topic. Point is, Dick, I've always struggled in negotiations. How did this happen to you? How did this happen to you? Was it about Craigslist video games? No, it wasn't about Craigslist video games. Fuck you. It was about trying to get, like, some collaborators to work on some, like, YouTube stuff.

Okay. And I'm like, all right alright here's what we want to make And then you know they won't name What they want they're like well let me figure Out a budget blah blah blah I now realize I should have just said I'll give you 200 bucks and that's it Take the upper hand

Have you tried the strategy of going Like whoa whoa Well actually That's important They say that if you're trapped in an anchor the strategy of going like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Well, actually, no one's going to give you your prize. That's important. They say that if you're trapped in an anchor situation, one of the things you have to do is dismantle their anchor. So if you went into a situation.

Are you reading these books? Nobody wants their anchor dismantled. You got to dismantle the anchor. If you go into the salary negotiation, they say 40. Instead of going, oh, geez, I don't know. Could you go up a little bit? You got to go, we are so far apart on what I think an acceptable wage for this job would be. And you got to establish the need.

You got to be anchor master. You have to have confidence. You got to have confidence and you got to grab that anchor and you got to own it. So you should make the offer first then? You should just come in like 100. Well, you don't want to. You got to be within reason. Why? That's not what this fucking study says. Offer first then You should just come in Like a hundred Well you don't wanna You gotta be You gotta be within reason

Why? That's not what this Fucking study says The study says Social security numbers You should just come in I'd like twenty million dollars No

It has to be You have to find A reasonable high point To arrive at Or low point If you're trying to low ball them Okay Zero

You should pay me To suck my cock Again Eighty five% of negotiated outcomes align with the person who went first. Wow. Okay.

Name the number. And when you see that fancy handbag on the shelf. It's not a problem at all. It sounds like a skill you could use and use to your advantage.

Well, the problem is that the bias exists, though. We as human beings are flawed. I can't believe this is actually something that you're interested in talking about. I find this very interesting. It has all sorts of applications.

Of all the fucking problems. For one time, I don't bring in a problem that's about food or shitting or pop culture. It's just a fucking shot. And he's shit all over it. Usually you bring in something that's like topical and something that everybody understands, but this is like a fucking economy lesson. Yeah, I know. I didn't bring in-

It's not fucking interesting. All right, you know what? I'll just go back to complaining about what's on TV every week. Is that what you want? Do you want me to complain about Rihanna? I know. I know. I know.

Fuck you. I mean, Chrissy is here, and this is like fucking math and gobbledygook. And I brought in an interesting problem. This is interesting? This is the interesting problem? I'm going to fucking blow my head off. I want to see the un-administrated problem. And I put in an interesting problem. This is the interesting problem? I'm going to fucking blow my head off. I want to see the un-administrated problem. I'm going to fucking kill myself.

What was your runner-up? Yeah. What was my runner-up? Yeah. For problems? Yes. I don't know. Probably some shit about trans people pissing me off or something.

I want to hear that. We do that every week. Every week we do that. So this is your special- This is new. This is a special problem for me. This was for you. Wow.

This was specially for you to show off your comedy chops. No, that's not. This is fucking math lecture. It's not a math lecture. Because you care about anchors. I feel like I'm back on the old fucking show. This is the most autistic weird problem. Because all the commenters, I read the comments and they go, every week it's just what Vito

saw on Twitter this week. And I'm like, you know what? Why don't I get a little, you read the comments and they go, every week it's just what Vito saw on Twitter this week. And I'm like, you know what? Why don't I get a little, you know, interesting and academic with him and find something. You can feel her drying up. Like you can hear, you can hear it. To be honest, I arrived. We're not going to make it to 107 episodes. I arrived dry, okay?

I'm going to quit. Oh no. And then you're not going to have a show. No, it's a good problem. We're all for quitting on the same day. It's a good problem, Vito. It's a great problem. Fuck everybody.

This is a great problem. It's horrible. I mean, it's just horrible. I think the audience knows I brought in a great, interesting problem, added a little something new to the show, something to think about, as opposed to, what were your problems last week? Mine was getting that. Too much protein powder at the bottom of my

glass and I can't scrape it out. That's actually a flex right there. That's impossible. It's a flex that he drinks protein powder? Yes. He's trying. What a guy. What a champion among men. I hate when there's chunks in my chocolate milk. I hate when I work out too much and I get all

sweaty from my muscles. Okay, good problem. That's the best part. That's the best part. You like working up a pump. Can you save this show? Fuck you. Great problem for me. Vote it up. I hate when the mozzarella cheese goes all to one side of the mozzarella stick. Some stand-up comedy doesn't translate to

podcasting sometimes as we've just seen Vito. This was a great problem. It was so smart, Vito. I'm so impressed. That was a very interesting problem. You're just nagging me because you think... I'm not nagging you. What are you drinking?

Is that pink lemonade? A little pink lemonade. That's not good. Don't drink Mountain Dew. It's Mountain Dew Amp. It's different. It's amped? Why don't you drink diet sodas? I drink diet soda when I'm not drinking That's not good. Don't drink Mountain Dew. It's Mountain Dew Amp. It's different. It's Amped? Yeah, it's a... Why don't you drink diet sodas? What's in this shit?

I drink diet soda when I'm not drinking... That's my one energy drink a day. There's 58 grams of sugar in this. 58 grams of sugar in this. It's only 220 calories. Calories don't matter for shit. Calories matter. Sugar and carbs are the only thing that matters in life.

I have one treat a day, and it's my energy drink. This is a fucking treat for the fucking month, dude. Only 220 calories is not bad. This drink tells your penis that you don't care about it at all. I love my penis as much as I love the delicious taste of amp from the Mountain Dew Bottling Corporation. How about you just not do a treat every day and see how it works out? It's just like, I've been working out on these problems. Fuck you.

I've been lifting. I've been doing cardio. Everything's coming up great. None of that matters if you don't cut the sugar. I don't drink a lot. I don't have a lot of sugar. I just have this one giant sugar shake. That's more sugar than you should have in a whole day.

Yeah. That's like a poisonous amount of sugar. Keto is like, what, 50 grams of carbs the whole day? That's got 58. Oh, God. So there you go. That's all your food for the week. Good.

I won't eat it. But that's why people get frustrated because they crush it at the gym and then they're still eating bad shit and they get frustrated. They don't see any results, but it's just because you're drinking Mountain Dew, Buzz, Jizz, or whatever that is. Amped. See see that's a problem citrus flavored energy that is the biggest problem people get frustrated and they they don't just i'm not frustrated i'm perfectly unfrustrated i am i'm satisfied plus chrissy they also lie about going to the gym that's another big problem i didn't say i went to the gym i said i worked out i mean just because you go to the gym. That's another big problem. I didn't say I went to the gym. I said I worked out. I mean, just because you go to the gym doesn't mean

you go inside and start working out. They buy drinks at the gym. Is Chrissy's mic too loud? Somebody's saying it is. Maybe I'm just too loud. Let us know in the chat. I could just personally be too loud. No, sometimes we have the levels up too high. So one energy drink

And then I drink Diet cola If I'm gonna have any cola I got a bunch of Bottles of water Alright Then I drink It's your turn now

You guys You gotta take the Mountain Dew out We'll give you a grace period It's not Mountain Dew It's Mountain Dew Amp Okay It's different

Anything that has a mountain In front of it Take it out It clearly says Can you just do B vitamins Can you just do my Like diet for like for like two weeks?

What is your diet? Just nothing. Sandwich for lunch, like use diet sodas and beer, which is fine. He's eating like he's in the 1950s, which is fine. You can't be eating like you're in the 2000s or. Yeah. Nothing invented after. Yeah.

After 1950, after 1960, after 1972, nothing invented after the 1960s. After 1972. Nothing invented after 1972. We're going to come up with a game for the show. Well, what's a lemon-lime replacement that we could give you? I would say just squeeze lemons and limes into seltzer. Boom. That's all I hate, seltzer water.

Could have, like, regular water. Could have like regular water. What was I going to say? People keep saying. What? People keep saying they will donate money to the show in pursuit of a veto weight loss bit. People want to see my hands. Why? I don't know.

I said they were tiny. They're so small. We'll figure something out. They're asking to see your boobs too, but I don't know I'd be down too They said they were tiny They're so small We'll figure something out They're asking you to see your boobs too But I don't know That's not No Okay Chrissy

Will you please bring a comedy problem Fuck you Well now my problems Are probably not gonna be that much better Mine was also something I was thinking about I think the biggest problem Is people who are too into their kinks Or their sexuality

And I'm not saying that From being like a straight edge Or like a boring in the sack kind of gal problem is people who are too into their kinks or their sexuality and i'm not saying that from being like a straight edge or like a boring in the sack kind of gal i've just noticed that if you're people that are so into their kinks they literally have time for nothing else in their life they don't build anything they don't grow anything it's like we're building grow what do you mean what do you mean how into kinks are they look at people like i don't know and i'm gonna have to like i don't have a specific example. I just, every person I've met who's been, like, really into a certain kink, that's literally all they are.

Someone who's, like, it's similar to someone who's, like, oh, I'm just non-binary doing TikToks in my car. That's all they talk about. That's their whole personality. Some of those people, though, you know, what if you can monetize your kink? Because the people who do that, I mean, I can't. You know, if you're selling beautiful braided leather whips. If you're selling

items, OnlyFans is a way. You're like an exhibitionist. Yeah, selling underpants. Or you're making the tools and if you're into BDSM enthusiasts, you could make custom leather paddles. A lot of craftsmen in the BDSM community. A lot of men wearing like overalls. Someone's got to leather paddles. A lot of craftsmen in the BDSM community. That's true.

A lot of men wearing like overalls. Someone's making those dog faces. Those dog face masks. Why did you point at me when you said dog face? Oh yeah, those little like puppy. The masks that they wear on the puppy play. It gets boring. Those are cool though.

Don't you think, Kana? No. They look tough Those puppy Those leather puppy masks Those people are fucking boring The people who like Put their sexuality Like so out there

Like they're so different And interesting and kinky Those are the most Boring fucking people It is true There are a lot of people In the kink community Who think that it's

You know It becomes their personality It's like oh I'm into this or whatever. Do you know anybody like that, Chrissy? I tried to phase those people out of my life. No, no, not anymore. I went to a, like, kink.

Not anymore? What do you mean, not anymore? Well, when I was, like, first getting into comedy and, like, you know, in the open mic scene more, I was hanging out with more, like, burlesque people. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's improv people. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

They are all about burlesque. Improv people. Yeah, that's bad. Burlesque's not like a fetish, though. No, but the people that are in that world, it's all about who's in the world. They do some weird stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Are furries like that?

Everyone hates furries, but everyone I've met has been really nice. How do you know furries? A lot of them, yeah. Where do you meet a furry? At FurryCon. He has an internet web show. Yeah. I've been to-

Are you a furry? No. I wish. I could see you in a koala costume. Why koala? I don't know. I think everyone looks like an animal inherently. Do I look like a koala?

Yeah. You ever have one of those friends who you're pretty sure is a furry, but they just, you know, then I'll talk about it. No, do you? Yeah. You ever have one of those friends who you're pretty sure is a furry, but they just, you know, then I'll talk about it. No, do you? Yeah. What's your? Because when AI porn started getting, like, big, he's like, man, you can make anything. You can even make furry porn.

I'm like, really? He's like, yeah, yeah, look at all this furry porn I made. And I'm like, oh, I just spent a lot of time doing that. He's like, yeah, just for fun. And I'm like, all right, man. Kiwi Farms thinks I'm a furry cow. Really? Yeah.

I thought they were calling me a lol cow for the longest time, but then I figured out they think I'm actually like a furry. They think I have a fursona as a cow. Where did they get that from? A fursona? I don't know. I don't know if my dick is the milk things. Why would they think that?

I don't know. I legitimately don't know. They have a lot of wild. Why would they think that? I don't know. I legitimately don't know. They have a lot of wild ideas. Fake news. They still think I'm Jewish. I went to a kink wedding once. And I remember I was there with my girlfriend and we had to watch this terrible whipping routine set to, I think it was set to music. Isn't it so boring?

It was so boring. We were laughing our asses off. It was the stupidest thing I ever saw in my life. A kink wedding? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. They put the collar on and then this guy, some guy came out and he was just doing this

whip thing on this girl's back and I think it was set to classical music and I'm like, am I supposed to be entertained by how I think the guy was like, look what I can do with my whip. I can be like, what's going on? The fact that they make it public makes it immediately cringe and horny. It's not as cool. Kinks should be behind closed doors. We shouldn't see them.

Yeah. That's what makes them cool is if you don't talk about them. Yeah. Well, that's the other thing is kink is practiced by a lot of the most uncool people. Yeah, because they have nothing else to do. You see like Fifty Shades of Grey and you're like, oh, it's like a cool secret society. You're like, no, it's like dumpy white guys who like invest all their money. Oh, I'm so interesting because I like getting hit with stuff.

Wow. So much work too. Yes, you have to buy so much equipment. You have to set up swings. Like tie me up in a new way. Like I'm kind of just want to get off. I don't want to tie anybody up and learn a bunch of knots and then put shit away. Yeah. I'm also always sorely

underwhelmed by the production value. I don't know why my heat keeps turning on. You know, I've been to the dungeons. I don't know what that is. I always go like, ooh, a dungeon. That's gonna be cool. And then it's just a bunch of like plywood painted black. I was in one dungeon once. It was very unkempt. It smelled. It was just like,

I don't know. And they had a weird Like potluck room Where everybody All the lights are on The food is never good And you're like Oh this kind of Destroys the illusion

Of like Oh it's a secret Of whatever society And then you go Into the kitchen Everyone's just eating Doritos and pizza And looking like a

Chubby piece of crap Have you ever dated Somebody that wanted To be choked all the time No Well No Not choked What guy wants to be choked somebody that wanted to be choked all the time? No. Well, no. She wouldn't. What guy wants to be choked? Girls more want to be choked. Yeah.

Yeah. What about guys who has like balls stepped on and stuff? I have stepped on someone's balls, but it was for a show. It was for my show. It was like a more like a, we were showing people how it's done. But, um, no, I mean, I... Wait, how do you do it? I don't know. I didn't go... How do you step on someone's balls? I didn't go very hard because I'm like, that's your balls there. He's like, I mean, I did. Wait, how do you do it? I don't know. I didn't go,

I didn't go very hard because I'm like, that's your balls there. He's like, go ahead, step on them. You can legitimately cause damage

if you do it wrong. I was like, no, I won't do it. And then someone, another girl came in with her high heel and was like,

I was like, no, why? I'm like, there's babies in there. Be careful. That's one of the grossest parts of the situation.

What about like the candle wax dripping? I never got that one. It doesn't hurt as much as it looks like it hurts. Yeah. It's not that big a deal. And then it's just, like, a mess. But then it's a mess.

Yeah. Someone's got to clean that up. And guess what? It's not the dude. Yeah. There was a guy I dated who was, like, pretty high maintenance with, like, wanting his, like, he wanted his nipples played with to a degree where i was like are you a chick like it was too much it was like would he interrupt you and be like can

you squeeze my nipples more it was like he was in his own world with his own it's like i didn't even it didn't even have to be me it was like it was like he wanted so much going on that i was like oh this isn't even doesn't matter if i'm or not. It could just be anybody doing these things. Yeah. Because he just went somewhere else mentally. I was like, it's just, when you have too much of a kink, it becomes distracting. It's like. Well, it's bad if your partner is no longer the focus of your sexual attraction.

The more the kink surrounding it. Yeah. You're kind of using your partner at that point. I felt used. Yeah. What about redhead kinks? You ever had anybody with, with those? Not a kink necessarily. What is a redhead kinks you ever had anybody with with those not what is a redhead king that's definitely having a see-through baby like what is

yeah i don't know something about is that a generation of cartoons poisoned us by being like look at all these hot chicks what if they were all redheads you're like why are they all redheads april neil Kind of like Asian Yellow fever But with redheads I have not encountered a redhead kink Dan Harmon forced his girlfriend To dye her hair Red

It's not the same Maybe a real redhead I don't know I'm chemically enhanced oh okay are you normally semi-redheaded or uh dirty blonde oh yeah you know you're not like redheaded right now right nope uh so no one specifically let me see my roots that has too many kinks well i think it's great that the internet i mean again these there are people who have capitalized on their kink to make money i go well at least you've made something out of it yeah but there's a lot of people who we talk about you know don't define yourself by your sexuality you know in the gay community like is

there you know the trans community or whatever else you go i don't know i guess people want to be a part of a subculture people want to be part of a clique they do it because they go oh this is a group i belong to i belong, do something with your fucking life. Create something, build a business. Like don't, it's, it's kind of a waste of time.

Well, the problem is that people have lost, or used to be connected to people through religion. You'd go, Oh, I'm going to go hang out at church with all my fellow Catholics. Yeah. And then a kind of religion fell apart.

Now people are desperate for some sort of social club to belong to. Why do you think people listen to this stupid podcast? I feel connected to this moron. What about the straight kink? Doesn't that get annoying after a while? The straight kink? Norm Korn? Yeah.

Norm Korn. Just wearing a lot of Old Navy and Gap. No, but that's my straight people. And listening to Matt Walsh. Talking about babies. Just making peanut butter sandwiches Fucking jerking off regular Yeah

Jerking off regular Putting a kind of a far away picture of yourself In your PFP Kind of weird Well I find I do think that there are people who get And I especially feel bad for young people

Cause I go on like Twitter And I'll see like these profiles Yeah And it's like I'm a butt slut for days and I just want to fuck everything and get dressed up as a twit. Really? Where are these?

And then it's like it'll just be like and it's like their profile will be like 18 years old and I'm like Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah what's the problem with that man? I wasn't that sexually fucked until like at least my mid 20s. I think it's like kinks. It's something to be interested in if you have no other interests.

If you're not good at anything else, it's like the most easy default thing. Or you just love jerking off. I don't know. You don't have to like know anything. You don't have to like get a degree. You don't have to be good at anything. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You just have to be good at being into. Great. You didn't make anything. I'm into hitting women hit. You have to be good at being into. Great. You didn't make anything. I'm into hitting women. I mean, that's my thing. They'll let me do it for funsies. Why not? You're just into getting hit.

All of it. It's like we get it. Oh, you're wearing spikes head to toe, metal and leather. It's like we get it. You fucking, it didn't work out with your dad. Like, congrats. Aren't you excited where it could go, though? Like, did you see that girl that was, like, pretending to fuck dogs on Twitter?

No. On her OnlyFans? That's horrible. That's so horrible. Did you listen to the most recent? You don't listen to WATP too regularly, though. Of course I do. I didn't hear this one, though, that you're talking about.

You did a bonus episode with him, I guess, about the same podcast, the Zoo-Ear-Than-Thou podcast. Yeah, they actually fuck animals. Yes. That's not okay. Yeah. I guess, about the same podcast, the Zoo Eater Than Thou podcast. Yeah, they actually fuck animals. Yes. That's not okay. Yeah. I mean, they would call it a kink. I don't know if they would call it a kink. I don't know what they would call it. That's interspecial. Anyway, I just listened to the latest WATP episode on those

guys, and that's when your kink goes too far. That's not a kink. That's not okay. Pay a lady to dress up as a dog and fuck the dog lady. Don't fuck an actual dog. Well, then you're going to shit on them anyway, so you might as well just fuck the dog. I'm not going to shit on them. If you want to dress as a dog.

It's inherently rape. Like, there's, sorry, you can't fuck something you can't communicate with. Yeah, because also. That includes the unconscious. Now you're saying women I'm not too great at communicating with. Well, an animal, because it's like, how does a dog say, no, I don't want to have sex? You know, you can't negotiate consent with a dog. No.

That sounds like a dare. You shouldn't even think about trying to do that. What if they had a brain reading machine, though? Oh, I had a brain reading machine. That would be so scary. That would change the whole game. Oh, shit. Honestly, I mean, what could I say? Well, the dog wants that human to have sex with it.

And then you would look at your dog a whole, like, totally differently from that moment on. Yeah, if your dog wanted to have sex with you. You just like me because you want to fuck. Zoo community, you need to be hard at work On building Yeah A dog brain scanning device That can prove Your dog wants to have sex with you You could know All the animals

That wanted to fuck you Well that wouldn't be So bad for us What would you do With that information I don't I wouldn't I would hang out

At the I would hang out At the gorilla tank At the zoo And I'd be like Just like flirting with gorillas Just for fun The tank

Is that what Kuman calls Madison Square Garden? I know he doesn't I'm just kidding The enclosure Anyway Yeah I like the kink style Like slime cans and stuff

Slime? And pizza Yeah they have like There's slime-o-sexuals And dream-sexuals And they have like fake My Little Ponies that they made up in their brain that they can communicate with. That just sounds like mental illness. Well, yeah.

It could be both. It could definitely be both. It is that. When you said slime, Ken, I thought you meant the people who are into covering girls in various slimes and puddings and whatever else. I thought that was just like fucking when you have a cold. I remember, I think I've already told this story, where I met a girl who used to be on All That. And I'm like, what's it like?

Do you still have a lot of fans? She's like mostly the slime fetishist. You just make compilations of her as a 15-year-old girl getting covered in Nickelodeon slime. Slime people are ultimately their cum people because you're just picturing that it's cum, right? Well, I don't know because it's all sorts of shit. They want girls to get hit in the face with pies and shit like that.

Because you're picturing that it's cum. I think most kink is rooted in— Pie of cum? That's a lot of cum. Most kinks seem to be rooted in humiliation. You know, the idea that somebody is being degraded and humiliated. So, you know, getting hit, getting slimed in the middle of your big, you know, on stage. Yeah, nobody has like a graduating kink.

No one's like, yeah, put this graduation hat on and this robe. Yeah. Yeah. It's mostly like, oh, I want to be punished for being bad or I want to be in a humiliating predicament. You know, I want to be treated as an animal. Personal experience? Yeah. Oh, okay. i owe kinks for days i'm not gonna tell you which ones you think this is a problem i could list them out no it's a problem if it defines you because i don't define myself by like yeah i'll

jerk off and i go that was fun and then i go back to but it's better than like how much you hate marvel movies don't you think what is better Having like a slime sexual dreamkin and stuff. That's more healthy than obsessing over Marvel movies. I don't obsess over that stuff. I just make videos about it. It's not like my focus. Oh, okay. I already told people.

I don't care about anything. It's just interesting. I find stories, whatever. We're going down a whole other rabbit hole. The point is, I brought in kink shaming as a problem, so don't kink shame, but I do agree you can go too far and Then all you all you do is focus It's like it's like those guys who end up living their weird kink fantasies like forever like the Twilight Zone well like like remember that pamper chew guy who

What's his name tried to get on Stone Toss? Yeah. He, like, lives all day as, like, a Pikachu, like a diaper Pikachu. He's probably happy, though. But he lives in, like, a shed by himself and, like, jerks off all the time. He needs all this, like, toys and anime figures and stuff. You're right. You know what?

Just if you're happy, can I be right? I don't know. What else are you? It's a little sad. The furry convention's crazy because they're so hot under all their, like they're cute and then they take their thing off and it looks like they just won the Super Bowl or something. I can't understand what's the, yeah, the fursuit thing makes no sense to me.

Well, it's. First of all, how do you even like experience sexual pleasure with like 10 pounds of like plush toy all over you? It's probably the anonymity that they like. They just like not being themselves. How many pounds of human toy do you have all over you? Do they jerk off inside the suit? They have holes sometimes.

Okay. Does it go down their legs? So then there's just a tiny little human penis coming out of this giant cartoon character? It's not tiny. Well, it's not going to be normal size. It's not going to be animal size. It's not going to be size to the It's not going to be animal size. It's not going to be size to the suit. The heads are huge.

Yeah. I guess that's going to look weird. What is the name of your problem, Chrissy? I want to make sure I get it. I think I would call it when people are publicly kinky. Publicly kinky? No, that's not a good name. What's your name for this?

It's like too much kink overload. Like too much kink. Kink obsession? Kink obsession. Kink obsession. That would be good. Kink obsession. Because public kink's a different thing.

That's the guys who like dress up like animal in public or whatever and go around. What about the pride parade and all those guys? It's boring now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's all those guys It's boring now Yeah Yeah Yeah it's not cool It's corporate Dude they had a big chase float

At the one I went to Yeah Just a bunch of gays Dancing on a giant chase bank float I'm like this is They're handing out chase butt plugs It's not cool anymore Okay my problem's contouring

Oh that's a good one Thank you That's how you know you have a girlfriend like i don't know i feel like guys don't even know what to call it like they don't even know unless there's a woman around them you don't even know what to call it but like their face looks fucking weird so i was watching this show called love is blind it's a prank show where they have guys, men and women, talking to each other and speed dating through like a wall. So they can't...

They're gay dudes? No, men talking to women. Okay. Speed dating and then they outrank each other and they can't see each other. And then they pair the ones who like each other up and the joke is that all the women are fat. But they have the best personalities, right? Because they have to. Are the guys all not fat? The joke is that all the women are fat.

But they have the best personalities, right? Because they have to. Are the guys all not fat? Or are the guys all just like regular dudes? Guys are all fit somehow. Yeah. Normal shaped. But the women are all like. Tubbo's.

Doritos models, right? Okay. So it's shallow how. Yes. It's shallow how. Okay. So the guys have to pretend that they love this. Ugh.

For. Why do they have to pretend? Can't they just go no? Well what Then they're gonna have Somebody going Well why not? It's so they can shame the men

Yeah Okay It's a very funny show So there's this woman on there I forget I can't pronounce her name It starts with a Z Zeta

Saturn Zeta Jones Zabnir Something like that and she says in one scene i hope you don't like me when i have my makeup off and i was like that's a weird oh that's a red flag comment right she's a psychopath like all of them are and fat not the fattest one though um so she takes her makeup off later she wakes up in the morning and she looks like a monster because She has replaced her. And I said, what the fuck in my mind?

My girlfriend's sitting there. And then she's getting ready, and she's drawing, like, dark brown lines, like Pocahontas, all over her face. It's like she's going to war. And I said, what is this? What's going on here? My girlfriend, oh, she's contouring. And I said, what is this? What's going on here? I'm like, oh, she's contouring. And I said, what's that?

She goes, well, just watch. And she turned her busted ass monkey face. Hold on. I think that's okay. Her busted ass face. Her busted ass plate face. Okay. She turned it into like a passable human.

Wow. In the course of an hour And apparently this Took an hour? Took a long time Oof She was in there Painting like You know

Shadows And depth Blending Blending Blending Putting new lines in Like a football field Over a face

But then you can always tell up close Like when that's somebody's deal Like that looks good Maybe on TV or far away But when somebody gets up close to then you can always tell up close, like when that's somebody's deal. Like that looks good maybe on TV or far away, but when somebody gets up close to you, you can always go, oh, okay. What do you have to look for? It's a contour job. What are the giveaways? You can just tell. You can just see when someone's wearing a lot of makeup. You can

see their pores. It just looks thick. Is there a special mirror or light we could hold up? Exactly. Oh, that would be so smart. Like a counterfeit, like when you try to spend a hundred at the store and you get a light. Let me see this.

That's so smart. Or just a bucket of water. I'd be like, ah. Well, I don't know. You're a witch. I don't want to go dousing women in water, but if there was a quick... Take them out in the rain.

Just be like, ah, just wait. Just hold on. Just have like a garbage bag outside your house that you can pull. Yeah, like double dare. Slime them. That's what I always say. The search phrase, how to contour your face.

140 million results. Is this a new thing? Like, is this like a new, like, they mastered it? It's Kardashians. Kardashians, really. Right, because the Kardashians have figured out how to make themselves look like weirdo skeleton people. Humans. Well.

But then people, more importantly, like a lot of women want to look like the Kardashians because their face has become like kind of an iconic look. Yeah. Like people get surgeries to look like that. I was going to say, people are now getting the surgery to suck the cheek fat out. Oh, yeah. They take the middle fat out of your face. Yeah.

Is that the Bukal? Buttigieg? What's it called the middle fat out of your face. Yeah. Is that the boot call? Bootagag? What's it called? It's called bootagag. Yeah, it's bootagag. Bootle fat removal. So they're like skeleton, like. I don't know why.

Yeah, it sucks out. It's terrible. It's so stupid. Your face is going to hollow out anyway as you age. Why would you do that? Here is, I looked it up. Contouring is a makeup technique that uses cosmetics to define, enhance, and sculpt the structure of the face

or other body parts, such as breasts. How are you going to contour a breast? You can pad a breast. You can wear like a... They're putting makeup on even their tits. They're not putting makeup on...

What about a little highlighter? Is that what they're doing? Oh, no. They're drawing probably dark lines. They're probably drawing and cleaning. They're fucking drawing... Adding depth. They're drawing putting makeup on. What about a little highlighter? Is that what they're doing? Oh, no. They're drawing probably dark lines. They're probably drawing and cleaning. They're drawing tits onto themselves. They're drawing hotter women. They're drawing hotter women, and it's getting worse because women are getting so much fatter.

And they say women can't use their art degrees, you know? They shouldn't use their art degrees, you know? They shouldn't. Studio art. Are you saying? That's what American women are becoming known for now, like having horrible bodies, but like cute faces. That's like an international stereotype. But it's like a tiny face that's like two feet wide, right? Yeah, unlike your giant face.

It's like MODOK. It's like Modoc. It's like Modoc. Women in America. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. Did you like it? It's okay. It's okay. It's not the worst. It's watchable but empty. Do you object to makeup in general? No. Well, no, because this is the

worst part. So now men are saying that they like no makeup and a natural look. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. And they don't, but they don't know how to say, I don't like waking up to this pig ass that wasn't here last night. I don't want to be fucking duped every, all day, every day by what is essentially a fucking

anime phase. Oh, men don't want to be tricked by women. Not that much. Not that much. Not that much. It's getting to the point of straight up deception raped by a mission. Women lying?

This has never happened before in the history of the fucking world. You didn't know. You never expected. What do you mean they could draw their own face on their face? They can. They're shapeshifters. We knew this.ters we knew this draw a bigger cock you would do it if you could contour your cock dick would you do it touring make it a thing I mean I can put like a I contour my ball like abs, just draw a big... No! Wait a minute! No, we don't! Men would not do this!

We don't draw fake cocks or fake abs! We even... A man will... Here's how honest men are. A man will tell you, and he will have told every woman this in his life, I'm 5'11". And you'll go, why did you say that? They don't... Women can't...

Women can't park a car in an empty football field. Do you think they know one inch here or there? Like, why do you? Because we're obsessed with those fucking numbers. We know inches where it counts. I'm just going to draw a big shadow on my leg, you know? And the girl, she goes, oh, my God. I mean, it's not that impressive, but I look at his leg.

Look at the shadow it's casting. Surely it must be a monster. How could we need to? Or wear, like, weighted shorts. Like, wear, like like padded shorts. Okay. I got an ad for, you know how they have like those fake blank plastic boobs that all the trans ladies wear.

Now they have like full muscle suits made of the same shit with the six packs or whatever. Are you going to wear one of those? I don't think I could fit into it. I think it would like, I think the abs would stretch out too much. It would have to be so big. Like you would look not human. I don't think I'm going to squeeze into that thing.

I heard Chinese guys though will get like little plastic pec implants just under the skin. Basically a shirt of muscles. Under their skin? On top of their skin. I've heard them get implanted like surgically implanted little silicon, you know, abs.

Asians love plastic surgery. They're obsessed. Okay, but if you ever look at Korean plastic surgery, you go, well, you guys got something going on here. Because you know how like natural Korean people have, I don't know, the PC way to say it, but fucked up eyelids? That's not the PC way. Yeah, the PC way to say it, but fucked up eyelids. That's not the PC way. The PC way is chinky.

No, it's not it either. But in Korea, it's like I think it's like they have a monolid. Monolid, that's what it is. Jesus Christ. A fucked up monolid. Yeah, they don't have that like where it folds over like foreskin.

They have just a flatter face. But they'll tape. They'll put tape where it is to fake it. People make tapes for their whole face. They'll tape up everything. You're talking about like Billy Madison? Stop it. Like an Adam Sandler bit?

I haven't done this in years. I think South Korea has the highest rates of plastic surgery because it's just normal. When a girl turns 16, they go, we got to do something about those fucking eyelids, girl. Like, come on. And then they open the paper. They do. And you're like, wow, that is a good looking gal right there. Don't I look better looking already?

Yeah, exactly. You know what? I was little. I would smush my non-boobs together. But I bet Asian girls, they look in the mirror and they're like, oh, one day. If you ever have time, look up South Korean plastic surgery before and after. I have time right now. What do you mean?

What are you talking about? Do South Korea plastic surgery. Okay. And they go from like. South Korea. You go like, okay, well, that's like an Asian girl. And then they become these perfect little Asian dolls. Like this guy you're talking about?

Yeah, look. Look at the eyes. They're a little more open. Yeah, he looks like you're talking about? Yeah, look. Look at the eyes. They're a little more open. Yeah, he looks like a boy band now. Yeah, right? They all go looking like, they look like K-pops, like instantly.

They get K-popped. Wow. I was like, shit, I want to go to South Korea. I would get a blowjob from that guy. This guy, no way. Scroll right, there's a girl too. The other guy looks like he works in IT.

The one behind her. The other guy knows our passwords. That's crazy. Oh, wow. She looks infinitely better. Yeah, she got her whole face snatched up. Infinitely better? Well, she was beautiful in her own way before, but what the fuck you paid for this?

I don't know. She just doesn't look like a housekeeper. Dude, the South Koreans have got it figured out. Wow, this is the same girl? Yes! No way. Dude, it's all... Look at the eyes!

Look at the eyes! Gollum! Yeah, and then look at that. She looks... That is so much better. Bro, I want to go to South Korea and just be like, do whatever you want. I don't care. This is incredible.

Hold on. Is it that their plastic surgery is better or is it that they're worse looking? I don't know, but like they're doing... Look at that. That's crazy. No, their plastic surgery is very good. They're they're worse looking? I don't know. But like they're doing, look at that. That's crazy. No, their plastic surgery is very good. They're very good. They know exactly what they're doing.

And she still looks Asian. Yeah. She looks like, oh my God. Completely different. She looks 20 years younger. Completely different. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Again, it's the fucking eyelid though. I don't know why women face identity issues. I don't care about that. I want to see, Look at that. Wow. See, I like this. And she didn't go what women in our country do that fucks. We do too much shit to our lips. And like you can see

they're just like she's just cheeks. She didn't fuck with fillers. I think American plastic surgeons don't know what a human being looks like. Every time I see American plastic surgery, I'm like, what the fuck did you do? No, I think our women are know what a human being looks like. Because every time I see American plastic surgery, I'm like, what the fuck did you do? No, I think our women are more retarded. And then I see Korean plastic surgery. Yeah, I agree with you.

They ask for stuff that is out of touch. And doctors just say yes because they want to make money. I had big Botox lips. This girl went from being Down syndrome to looking normal. Down syndrome, people do have the monolid. That's the problem. No way. That's not true.

She has like 30 feet. Look at her chin Dude they can shave it Or some shit They chopped her elephant man chin off It's incredible She looks Well

It's incredible Literally like she went from Looking like a Neanderthal To looking like America's next top model Fuck the toupee I'm going to South Korea Wow

Okay so But that's not my problem Cause that's respectable This is Good for them Let me show you If they painted themselves up To achieve that Because that's the difference Between getting married And not for them because that's respectable. This is good for them. Let me show you. If they painted themselves up to achieve that. Because that's the difference between getting married and not for them.

Like, that's their whole life. Oh, there was a guy in China who sued his wife because he had ugly kids. And he's like, wait, why are my kids so fucking ugly? And she's like, oh, I had a bunch of plastic surgery. I used to be like a complete uggo. He's like, oh, you lied to me. You didn't tell me we were going to have ugly genes. This is before and after contouring. That's like, look, that's

just like wedding makeup. That's like, alright. It's a night out. Imagine going to bed with this and waking up with this ghoul. She looks fine. This monster. That's pretty close. This acne-ridden eyesore. She looks

fine. Imagine that, Vito. She looks fine. Imagine that, Vito. She's got a little skin blemishes. Imagine going to bed with this Liza Minnelli. Amazing, powerful. It is pretty fascinating. Waking up with Leo over here.

Shut up. With that face that he's making. They just took a terrible picture of her. Imagine going to bed with this. Okay, that's a lot of displays. We can't say anything. No, we can't say anything about that one. Keep scrolling. No comments at all. Imagine going to bed with this vivacious

beautiful waking up with this banana schnoz. Why is it all old ladies? I don't know, actually. Oh, look at this. Okay, that's pretty intense. Stunning. She just has more eyebrows.

And her nose looks so much smaller. Wow. Waking up with this pig nose over here. I see no difference between these beautiful women. Same thing across the board. Look at how they put it on, dude. They try like shit marks on there. Her eyes look they put it on, dude. They draw like shit marks on there. Her eyes look different. Her eyes look

brighter. It's fascinating. Are they contact lenses? It's fascinating. Because they've drawn like these they've drawn entire anime eyes around. I think she's cute without makeup. They are figuring out the anime eyes. You know, with the Women can do stuff

but only, it's like Roger Rabbit can only do it when it's funny. They can only do it to Women can do stuff But only It's like Roger Rabbit can only do it when it's funny They can only do it to deceive men They can paint these beautiful paintings Maybe it's for their own self esteem Maybe it's not specifically for deceiving men They're also deceiving themselves But well yeah okay

Some people do have skin conditions Like I don't know Yeah Dick what about people with skin conditions Who are just trying to hide their blemishes? Prison. Throne and prison. Here's some quotes on quotes. Would you be upset if a trans woman tricked you into fucking her without telling you about her penis?

That's not her fault. That's your fault for getting tricked. What if she painted invisible paint all over her wiener? That's basically what this is. It's not a cartoon. But it could be. Why are you comparing this to an Acme type Warner Brothers situation?

Like painting a hole and then they fall into it? Yeah. What about that? Would you be mad if you were chasing a hot woman through a tunnel and then you banged up against a wall? Yeah, I guess. Would you? Yeah.

If they had some sort of ability to paint a vagina on there and they're like, well, I want to get ass fucked in this truck stop. You're like, well, I guess. You know, I think men instinctively, you know. Why? Maybe, maybe I'm not a man. I don't know. But I feel like, can't you, can't you just smell it? Can't you just tell when someone's a dude?

I've been genuinely unsure at least once. Come again? Or I hope not at all, but what do you mean? I've been genuinely unsure if the person I was talking to was trans or not. Wow. In person? Yeah. Where at? What sort of a situation? A furry convention.

It was at, yeah, it was at like a kind of like a game convention type thing. I was talking to this girl, and I was like, I can't tell. Ask a question only someone with a penis would know. Do you guys have questions like that? She had like a slightly deeper voice, but it was still like within the realm of like, this could be a lady. Wow.

And I took her to bed and she had a penis. Is that true? Yeah. And the whole time I was like, I wasn't sure. What did you do with it? I mean, what do you do with it? You jerk it off. Is it less gay to just ignore the dick and just hook up with the person and just pretend you don't see it?

Why would I ignore the dick? I tend to. Because you're not gay. My sexual partners need. I am gay. Are you? I'm as gay in that I will have an experience with it. I didn't mean that to sound judgy.

No, it's fine. I'm gay in the way that like if it's an attractive trans type. So you're fun at parties. Yeah, exactly. Being heteroflexible is the best way to put it. You know. Getting to know you. But genuinely, until I got her

into bed, I was like, I really don't know what's gonna be down here. What's gayer? To suck a dick, to jerk a dick off, or to get fucked? Oh, to get fucked, definitely. That's the gayest. I always ask guys this question.

What do you think is the gayest act? Getting fucked by a dick is definitely gayer. But some would argue that it's very personal to have a dick in your mouth. Yeah, it's second gay. Right in your face

is in their pelvis. That's fucking personal. Wait, wait, wait. You think it's gayer to suck a dick than have a dick in your butt? Yeah, because you have to work on it. Because conceivably a girl could put something in your ass. You think it's gayer to suck a dick than have a dick in your butt? Yeah, because you have to work on it. a girl could put something

in your ass. You could like suspend disbelief. You could be like, oh, something's in my ass. I can eat a popsicle without it being gay.

If I put a popsicle in my ass, it's gay. That's the difference. You've saved your shitty problem. Anything that goes in your ass

is infinitely gayer than something going in your mouth. You put stuff in your mouth all the time. You only put stuff in your ass if you're gay. But you only put stuff in your ass if you're

doing a gay thing. What about if you're getting a checkup? That's gay. No, it's not. It's your prostate. Yeah, and the guy who got a job putting his finger up people's butts. Is that a guy? Those are a myth that you don't actually need that.

It's actually a gay. I'm kidding. That's not true. Oh, my God. That would be the biggest trick for decades. It's at least a little gay. But you have to make a guy come if you're blowing him. If you're just getting fucked up your ass,

you don't have to do anything. Trust me. It's like a handshake. It's like you're in, you're out. Nothing has to happen. It's gayer to sit there working at it like it's your taxes than just sitting there getting railed, right? But then jerking a guy off would also be more gay than gay.

Then you have to answer, is liking something in your ass gay? Like, is something in your ass liking that? Is that a gay thing? Yes. Whereas sucking your dick is always gay. Well, not necessarily. Right. Because if you're getting fucked up the ass and you like it, you liking it is not gay.

You could just like something in your ass. Right. Maybe I just like something in my mouth. I put pizza in my mouth all the time. I like that. I have a ding sound effect that's supposed to go. I want to know what the chat thinks. It's definitely gayer to get fucked in the ass than to suck a dick.

Definitely. Because you're the catcher in that kind of situation. You can suck a cock and still be in control. Even if you're begrudgingly sucking a cock, that's like, ugh, that's so gay. You can suck a cock and it's like, yeah, I'm sucking your cock. And they're like, oh my God, don't suck my cock. No, because girls, some girls will get fucked, but they save their blowjobs to a guy they love. And they always tell you that.

And you're like, well, why the fuck would I want to know that, you dumb bitch? Can we make a poll in the chat? Make a poll. You ever do that? It's easier to have sex with somebody you don't really like than to blow someone you don't really like. Hit the plus down there. Plus. Okay.

Start a poll. Start a poll. Start a poll. Is it gay? Which is gayer? What's gayer? What's gayers, you've put? What's gayers? Suck a cock.

Poll, poll, poll. Can you put cock? Suck a cock. Take a dick. Dick and ass. Suck a cock. I'll make a clever abbreviation. You can't write cock on a poll. Or ride a cock. Take'll make a clever abbreviation. You can't write cock on a pole.

Or ride a cock. Take a dick. Butt. Dick. Butt. Dick. Butt. I think you put butt.

I don't want to mess it up. All right. Butt dick. Ask your community. All right. Let us know. That's so spelling. An error occurred.

Okay. It's probably the gayers that I put. What? Or the cock with an at. Gay. That's gay. It might know actually how you're, oh, I guess that, you can't say gayers. I think it's cock.

It's cock with an ampersand. Just make it C-O-K or something. Suck a cock with Q's. But. But. But this. Wow, this is so. We have to outsmart the AIs.

I can't believe we have to outsmart the AIs. Sorry, Mike Hunt. You do have to think about getting fucked up your ass or sucking a cock. You do have to think about it, you fucking complainer. I don't want to think about it either. I'm so scared. Oh, man, it's 50-50. We're talking the end of.

I think that's a big problem as well. End of a world scenario you have to choose one Oh both No one's going to know about it You're going to do both End of the world You want to choose both We're talking about I have to wake up the next day

And deal with the consequences Is anyone saying that sucking a dick is gayer than having a dick in your mouth Because it involves your face It's more personal. Your ass is not personal. Dude, my ass is way more personal. There's like, oh my God. It's your face.

That's your butt. I'd rather get fucked up the ass than go down on a woman. That's gayer. My butt is like a personal area for one thing, and that is pooping. I don't want stuff up there. It's, oh, yay, yay. Ex't want stuff up there it's oh yeah exit only anyway it's pretty split it's like 55 45 there's so many gay guys in the audience voting well then the gay guys would know the actual answer shit yeah you completely undermine yourself there

it's not gay if we have gay guys in our audience doesn't fit Here's some quotes From girls who do contouring I'm 26 years old Just three months ago I started contouring So I saw how it can Transform your face But not

Make you look cakey So deception Is the name of the game Not look cakey I was looking to contour Because I know how Transformative it can be for someone's face. More deception and lies coming from these. I don't know.

That's all I have for this. All right. Women lying. Yeah, because they're just thinking short term. They're just thinking about impressing someone on that first date or that first time being seen out. about impressing someone on that first date or that first time being seen out, they're not thinking like, okay, is this setting up a relationship

beginning with deception? Is that going to make somebody stick around? Alright, so Dick cheated by bringing in a women problem. Chrissy didn't prepare a problem at all. And I brought in an academic problem with a lot of interesting stuff

about the human brain. And we all learned a lesson. And it might even benefit you in your actual life. All right, let's think of a man problem. Vote him up accordingly. I did do a man problem. I said, what's gayer, the sucking a dick or taking the butt? Fair enough.

Yeah. Just saying, if people are going to vote, vote with your heart, not with your homophobia. What's another man problem? If a guy told you that he had sucked a dick or got raped in prison for defending his woman's honor, which is gay. I have a lot of leeway for things that happen in prison. It's a different scenario. It's a different ecosystem. So if you have to dress up as a woman and suck off every guy in the yard, that's just survival.

That's just survival. That's just survival out there. I had to change my name to Candy Locks. How is the simpcast going? How are you so beloved and everyone hates me in Vito? Really? I feel like everyone hates me. No, everyone loves you. Lots of people.

Who hates you? Don't you wish you had a list of everybody's ongoing beefs? Like, Ethan Ralph would be at the center. Oh, yeah. Like the sun. Or like the,

right? He is like the poached egg in the middle. Ethan's gotta make some more allies. And then there would be just constellations floating around. Well, I feel bad for him

because it's like, it's like making fun of a retarded kid. Like he's, uh oh. He doesn't know what, you know, he doesn't know what's going on. Ethan doesn't know what's going on.

Ethan doesn't know what's going on? I don't think so. You think he's just like... I think he has brain damage. I don't know. What kind of brain damage? Why would you say that? Well, all the times he got beat up.

Like, he's just not... He's a little loose up there. Wasn't that horrible when that happened? It was bad. I feel bad for him. Yeah. I can't even engage with someone on a beef level if I pity them. People should not be assaulting each other.

That's not good. No, you can't? I can't even engage with someone on a beef level If I pity them That's not good No you can't I can't appreciate a beef if I pity the person I have to go alright I put you to the side You have so many supporters as well I know you're with Kumia all the time That's good Who else is like your inner circle

Yeah the SimCast girls Are pretty cool. Lila Hart's coming into town. Actually, she's going to be opening for me in Pasadena tomorrow and then in San Diego Friday and Saturday. Pasadena. We might go to that show. I am going.

Yeah, the Pasadena Elks Lodge. Can we give the show dates now? I mean, if you want to, yeah, sure. That's good. It's a good time. That's a good point in the show. What dates are you doing? Let's wait for the results of the poll. I think i think they're in sucking a cock is slightly more gay no

it's not you guys are idiots because if you're if you're just taking a dick you can do this but you can't like look away if you're sucking a dick it's like you close your eyes when you suck a dick yeah but you have so many more like like sensory receptors in your mouth than you do in your asshole like i don't know what shit is shaped like, but if something is in my fucking mouth... I think the idea that you can't see what's happening to you is infinitely more degrading that you just have to take it. Degrading doesn't mean he's gay! Do you?

Regardless. I didn't know you were heteroflexible. That's cool. Yeah. Good for you. If any hot trans chicks are in our audience, come on by So it's creepy when I click the girls pictures To see what they look like

But you're just sending out a blanket call For trans girls to message you Trans girls it's different Cause they're down to party Would you hook up with a biological female That then went male As long as they haven't cut off their penis Anyone who has their penis, you're down with.

Anyone who has fake... Yeah, I can't deal with any fake manufactured... What about fake tits? That's fine. Well, they're not fake. It's just they extend it out. That's fine. That trans girl I hooked up with had such big fake tits that she literally had to schedule surgery to have them reduced.

They were fucking incredible. How big were they? Dude, like this. Like Canadian shop teacher? I was like, what do you mean you're getting them reduced? Those are the fucking most incredible fake tits I've ever seen in my life. They look good or are they just cartoonish? They look great. They look so good. What's the difference? Are they heavy?

I'll find a picture of this girl eventually. Find it now. What do you mean? I completely lost her contact. She got a boyfriend. I forgot what her Instagram, because my phone got deleted or whatever, mean I completely lost her contact She got like a boyfriend Like I forgot Like what her Cause my phone got deleted or whatever So I lost all her shit Dude she's

I was like This is the hottest Fucking trans chick ever And how did you How did you Fuck that up No how did you How did you

Hit on her Did you play like Linda Ronstadt On her mom's piano During the zombie apocalypse The embarrassing thing Is that I mistook her For a different black girl Who I already knew you play like Linda Ronstadt out of on her mom's piano during the zombie apocalypse the embarrassing uh thing is that I mistook her for a different black girl who I already knew so I just sat down next to her and started talking to her like we were old friends oh no wow it's so racist you know

because it was pretty bad I was like hey I haven't seen you in a while you know and I was just talking to her and I'm like shit I don't know this girl at all. But it worked out. How did you ask her to come up to your room? I was just like, yeah, well, you want to hang out? You want to get some dinner? She was a little chubbier. Of course, she wants a meal.

And then afterwards, you know. Negging. Yeah. Negging? It's a negging. I'm a big guy too When I went out of sex The last thing I want to do is eat

Yeah You do drinks Big girls want a meal before they eat I've learned that They want a meal before they eat Yeah Big girls Yeah

They want to eat And then they want to get eaten I know how it goes Sorry Dick Not all of us can date Do you take them for a Mexican? No, I don't take them for Mexican. You gotta do clean food like sushi.

That's sexy. You know, they always pretend they get like a salad in front of you. You're like, yeah, you're a big salad eater, I bet. And then when it's back to your place, they're rooting through your fridge like, ah! Yeah, exactly. No way to eat my leftovers. When I fall asleep, they eat all my leftovers. Do you hide like a cookies trail to your bed to get them in there?

I just have treats around. They can find them. Flicking them? A little, what do you call it? I think there's a Goldilocks and the Three Bear kink going on. Got some Yoo-Hoo boxes kicking around. Hmm. Twinkies.

Well. So yeah, I'm racist and gay. That's the moral of that story. That explains a lot. Let's cancel each other out. It's true. You're fine. It's okay to be a little gay That explains a lot. Let's cancel each other out. It's true. You're fine.

It's okay to be a little gay. My dad told me he was a little gay. I think a lot of guys are a little gay. What was the context of that? It came literally out of nowhere. I think my dad, even though he doesn't really watch or listen to anything I do, he's seen me do stand-up like once maybe six years ago before they moved to Florida. And so he's like, okay. He knows I talk about like sexy adult stuff on stage. And also this is my stand-up from once maybe six years ago before they moved to florida and so he's like okay he knows i talk about like sexy adult stuff on stage and also this is my stand-up from so long ago it's

changed a lot since then but anyway he thinks oh like i talk about adult topics which means i'm cool hearing about like but i'm not cool about hearing shit from my dad you know tell you about his uh sex life he's like oh you know some people out you know, some people have a gay experience. He keeps bringing it up. It's weird. I'm like, why is he talking about this? Why is he bringing this up? He'll get in these anger loops. He'll go off about the environment or politics or

the economy or whatever. Or fucking people. And dads can't even tell their daughters that they sucked a cock in Dallas. And you believe these liberals? I said, dad, did you have a gay experience He said okay fine I did And then he's like He said it's not gay

He's like you know how the old Phrase goes or how the old saying goes It's not gay if you let a guy suck your dick And I was like I was like when's my flight It was fucking crazy And then we got in a fight. And then he like.

You got in a fight about what? I stormed out of there. Something else? We fight. I fight every time I see him. I'm done visiting him because he just ends up yelling. He has so much repressed anger. Like he hasn't dealt with.

About the gay stuff? Maybe. And he's like, he went from, I'm upset. I'm not making any friends. I'm not making any friends. My mom died in like 2018. Oh, I'm not making any friends at the American Legion. And then he tells a dick sucking story.

And I'm like, maybe that's why you're not making a lot of friends. Sounds like you are making at least one friend. But he's still dating women. So he's like you, Vito. Get him an account on Grindr. See what he does with it. And women are an addiction. This is hard to kick.

It is true. Okay. Sorry to keep outing my dad. But like. It's all right. See what he does with it And women are an addiction This is hard to kick It is true Okay Thank you Sorry to keep outing my dad But like It's alright I don't know I just don't think He should have told me that

Like there I don't like I don't like when people Take advantage Of feeling comfortable With somebody to like Unload a heavy Fucking burden on

You know what I mean There's sharing And then there's that Do you get that a lot Because you're famous No I get it a lot Because I talk to people and I become like a therapist

like I feel like something is up and then I just start talking around it not even like a prying digging way but I'll just I'll just start like

I mean you brought up the marriage thing like the fifth sentence why did I bring that up so early I just looked I'm like look I don't know

because you I heard you literally burst in the doorway when are you getting married I did not say it like that it's hard for me to feel bad for you it's a house. I heard she literally burst in the door and went, when are you getting married? I did not say it like that. It's hard for me to feel bad for you. It's the best impression. I walk in the door.

There's happy vibes in here. It feels great. The dog greeted me warmly. Your girlfriend is stunning. I'm just like, this is great. I'm just like, what would make this better? I'm like, oh, are you guys married? I don't know.

A happy marriage. It came off judgy, and I didn't mean to. I was just getting the lay of the land. I was just getting the fucking. I mean, Dick, she brings up a good point. The simp cast. Maybe, maybe. The simp cast.

If you had to rank your hosts, how would you rank them? Your co-hosts. Whichever one shows up. Yeah. Favorite. Best to worst. Ooh. Lately, I'm really liking Tree of Logic and Melanie Mack because they're opinionated.

You have to be a good laugher. Like, Tree of Logic is a great laugher. I think if someone's easy to make laugh, obviously, like, I'm going to be a little more partial to that person. But they're both great because they stay for the whole time. That's important. Like, they have endurance, you know. It's okay. I'll never judge somebody.

Oh, it's an hour. I got to go. But it's like, if you stay the whole time. How long is the show? Sometimes it's five hours. But it's usually like three. It's like PKA. It's usually around three.

It's crazy that people do these shows. Last week it was four. Melanie Mac blocked both of us on Twitter. Well, she didn't block my new one. Well, you don't know that me and... Are you her 15-hour stalker? You know. You're there.

I forget why she blocked us. Because I said something about her Jesus thing or whatever. I said something about how she had to drink water because she went to the hospital. Yeah, she was dehydrated. Diet. Don't stop doing that weird diet. You got to drink. She just eats meat and eggs or something.

Yeah. Maybe she thought you meant something. For Jesus Eggs like nuts Alright, anyway Those are our problems Vito's fucking economist problem Anchoring bias

Public kinks Anchoring bias Kink over Or whatever we decided it was Yeah, biggestproblem.show Simpcast There you go Do you want to do

Do you want to read Super Chats? Yeah Okay, let's Are we going to save the plugs For after the super chats. Plug now. Plug now. Plug your tour dates or your show or whatever.

Check out Simcast on my YouTube channel every Sunday, 9 p.m. Eastern. Check out the wet spot on compound media Mondays at 7 p.m. Eastern on compound media.com. That show is good. If you like porn stars, occasional nudity, comedians. We'll talk about stuff

that will get us banned from YouTube. That's kind of the fun of the Compound Network because you get to actually talk about stuff. We get a bad rap and we're so much more

than just racists, you know, like there's a lot more going on. I mean, you're run by racists. What are that? It's not just that. And yeah, I got a bunch of tour dates coming up. I'm in

Pasadena tomorrow. Actually, LA tonight at the Comedy Store doing Sam Tripoli's show. Just jumping in. And then Pasadena tomorrow sold out. And San Diego Friday and Saturday. Friday, one show, 7.30. Saturday, 7.30 and 10 o'clock was just added. And then I'm in New York

City headlining at the Grizzly Pair Midtown, March 25th, Staten Island, April 7th, Jersey, Morris Plains, May 8th. I'm back in Dallas, first weekend of May, 5th and 6th at Hyena's, Houston for Anime Matsuri. And then I'm headlining that weekend at the Secret Group, August 11th. That's a Friday. Working on something right now for Vegas to go with the FNT meetup that's happening in April. So working on some dates.

How do you remember all that stuff? I don't know if you guys remember all that stuff. Because I'm constantly reciting it. Really? Yeah, every podcast I'm reciting it at the top. So I'm always looking at my schedule. I can't remember the intro for the show. And if people want tour dates, do they go to your website?

Go to ChrissyMare.com. ChrissyMare.com. And I'm going to activate my P.O. box soon. Oh. Yeah. So I'm going to send pictures of my penis anonymously. Yeah, cool. Please print out your dick photos and send them to the P.O. box.

Send pictures of my contoured butthole to ChrissyMare's P.O. box. Well, thanks for. Yeah, you think there'll be body contouring Like on the beach this summer I think so Yeah why not I think it's gonna be hot Shot tits on the back

Well guys what a spectacular show We got some super chats here Usually it is a better show I'm gonna be honest What the fuck does that mean I brought a great problem Why is everyone negging me That problem better win

That was a great problem my bro The anchor Anchor problem Yeah anchors Fuck you Hack the Movies is here for $5 Negging me. That problem better win. That was a great problem, my friend. The anchor. The anchor problem. Yeah, anchors. All right. Fuck you. Hack the Movies is here for $5. It says, does Chrissy support black-owned businesses?

No. We know Vito doesn't. Chrissy doesn't either. No, I think that's so boring. Thank you. You go, oh, black-owned business. Take that. Makes me not want to shop there.

And it's not that I'm racist. It's not that I will go out of my... It's like, I just don't care. It's like, the fact that you're telling me is obnoxious. Have you had Eric July on your show? Yes. Have you read his comic? Uh, I have his comic.

I haven't opened it yet. Cause I'm keeping it in the plastic. You're keeping it like for the collector's value. What I should have done is ordered two because as soon as I had it, I was like, oh fuck. If I open it. You're buying a second one now. He's still selling them. It's true.

I read a girl talking about Her experience going to A black gynecologist On Twitter And how much better And more respectful it was What? Really? Yeah

And they didn't give the name It's like I don't know if they appreciate Being called just The black gynecologist I don't know if that's a win For like black people Or

I want to know what kind of Respect that is Well here's Mid Salad Saying End Italiano Heta The not loving people or I want to know what kind of respect that is well here's mint salad sending saying and italiano hater the not loving of veto from mint salad for 50 thank you mint uh dk dead calf for five now that Chrissy Mara's on when is the future Melanie Max is Waldy gonna come on the two of you can complain for marvel movies for 90 minutes yeah you could bond over that she can come on she hates marvel movies yeah movies? Yeah, because they're woke. Oh. We hate that.

John Rips for five isn't female comedian and oxymoron. Well, that's just offensive, John. Are you asking or telling? So original. Penny for 20, please give the Stavito so there's no chance of a woman throwing it in the garbage. I don't know what that means. My girlfriend threw money in the garbage

on purpose. Oh, really? Wow. What kind of money? A dollar. It doesn't matter. This dollar. And you fished it out in the garbage on purpose. Oh, really? Wow. What kind of money? A dollar. It doesn't matter. This dollar. And you fished it out of the garbage? Yeah. I would. Was there something on it that she thought was gross?

A bunch of cocaine. What if somebody wiped their ass with a dollar? Wait, she really threw out a dollar because it had cocaine on it? You would wash a dollar? Yeah. Yeah, you can wash it. Well, not vigorously. Drop it in the machine.

It's a magic washing machine. What if someone had that dollar in their ass? Would you keep it? How did I get the... It just appeared? Out of someone's ass? If I had a dollar sticking out of my ass, would you pull it out and keep it? I would pull it out.

Do I get to pull it out however I want? That's your tip. I don't think you're going to like that. Pull it out with your mouth Or your hands I don't know what that means John Rips for five Homesick Marathon Adventure Brothers Season one episode six

Dr. Orpheus talks about Q-tipping his cat So it used to be a thing I guess It still is a thing Vito wins Mike Hunt for five I heard Dick and Nick say That Bulworth was a good movie

And it was good Sure Thanks for the recommendation I haven't seen that You're welcome Joe Ray for $4.99 Seeing Tanek's guest I understand the technical difficulties I haven't seen that. You're welcome. Joe Ray for $4.99. Seeing Tanek's guest, I understand the technical difficulties.

I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Hey. Mike Hunt for two. I think it's a compliment. Oh. Yeah, hopefully. We were too busy

fawning over you. Mike Hunt for two. We're kind of. Mike Hunt wants a clutch. Offering drinks twice. We're being nice to a guest. I'm nice to all the guests. Yeah.

Just being cordial Mic on for two Clutch Cargo Carl Is a KKK acronym I guess we never Noticed that before Your Carl cut out What

Yeah You always forget That it's Clutch Cargo Is the name of the character That pioneered that technique Oh I didn't know that Oh yeah

So how do you bring out Clutch Cargo Carl Have you seen this Chrissy When Carl appears on the show? Oh, shit. That looks like Andrew Tate. Where's my Carl cut out? Did I swap it?

You changed it. Oh, no. Just change it back. Do you talk as Andrew Tate? Yeah. It's a really terrible effect. It's hilarious. I think that's fun.

It is fun. We also have one for Carl from Who Are These Pod Kids? What do you say as them? As like Andrew Tate. We'll talk about The Matrix. Carl talks about his cool Simpsons sound drops. Tim K for five. I've lost.

What do you think about Andrew Tate? Are you worried that The Matrix is going to get him? I think they're targeting him because he implores men to, yeah, not just be cogs in the machine. Yeah. But it comes with some other qualities that are not as great. But you gotta separate the art from the artist. What is his art? I think they're targeting him.

What art is Andrew Tate creating exactly? Did you see Hustle and Flow? No. Pimping. I didn't realize that was considered an art. I think they're targeting him for trafficking. I think they are. Humans and tax fraud and bragging about it.

Tax fraud is fine. The trafficking. That sucks. Well, he tells, I mean, he said, this is his words. He says he tells the girls he pays their taxes and then doesn't in order to get one over on them. Wow. I think that's getting one over. He tells them he pays their taxes. That's't in order to get one over on them. Wow. I think that's getting one over. He tells them he pays their taxes. That's what he said

on a podcast. When he was in character being the crazy. He's just a bad accountant. Maybe the Matrix. Tim K for five says I've lost so much on the Discord gambling chat. What's another five? Are you gambling in the Discord along with this dick? I lost all my money.

I was number three for a second there. Oh, really? There's some stupid game going on with fake money. It makes no sense. Riley Edwards says, I have big tits. Okay. Thank you. Mint Salad for 10.

I love your outfit and your Kill Tony episode was great, Chrissy. Wow, that was from three years ago. You and Mint Salad should be friends. That was the last time I was in California. Oh, yeah. Is Coltony still going on? I think so. I think they moved to the Vulcan in Texas, in Austin.

Interesting. Laying steel for five. Oh, my God. What a beautiful woman. Chrissy and Masterson look good, too, I guess. Oh, hey. Boom. No, he's directing that at me.

See? What a beautiful woman. I get it. It doesn't work that way. Did you know I'm legally a woman in the state of California? Really? Yeah. Because he sucked that cock.

We're in the transitioning utopia state. You just go to the DMV and you sign a form and you're a lady legally. Yuck. I'm going to go to lady prison. I hate that about California. Riley Edwards for five. Wow. Episode on a Wednesday. Early as Dick's flight to Mexico. Hey, Vito, I need prison. I hate that about California. Riley Edwards for five. Wow. Episode on a Wednesday.

Early as Dick's flight to Mexico. Hey, Vito, I need help. My cat's in heat. Where do I put the Q-tip again? No. Danny Fish for two. How's that wig coming along, Vito? You got to donate more so we can, to the wig fund.

I saw this thing. Somebody sent a wig? I saw a video yesterday of somebody made sandals for their dog using the dog's own fur. Like she knitted little flip flops for the dog. Why would the dog need sandals? Because it's cute. I thought I had it down here. Keep reading.

I'll keep reading. Jim Satala for a big $20 on the board. Oh, I know Jim. So happy to see Christian. Really hope you guys get Kumia or Gavin while they're in L.A. for their end racism comedy tour with Josh Denny. Got to do a better problem if those guys come in

I did a great problem, what was wrong with get off that, maybe Vito could do 20 minutes on the tour you guys and Kumia would be great radio, well I know in April the end racism tour is coming to LA I don't know if they're doing a show April 1st

I think it's April 1st. Yeah, and it will be Kumia. What do you call it? Gavin McGinnis. Somebody sent in a present, but I guess I don't have it. We'll find it for the next show. Yeah, I'm trying to go to that show. You're around April 1st, right?

Yeah. And then later in April we go to Philadelphia. We got to go to the end. Racism. I don't know if. It's the venue. Racism. I don't know if they've announced the venue. I think it's one of these things where they don't announce the venue, you know? Yeah. Because of the Antifa. Where are they doing it?

Somewhere in LA. No. With those guys? Yeah. All right. Then it's going to be Kumi, Gavin McGinnis, whatever. She found the present. Thank you.

She was watching the show. Here. Somebody sent this in. They said, here's a toupee. From Ahmed. All right, let me see it. Oh, I got to open it? What do you guys think of the default Amazon gift wrap?

Wait, do they give you this bag? This is an Amazon bag? Yes. When you get a present from Amazon, do you not? So, Viva says he's wearing toupees now. I don't love it. Well, what do you want? I can get it open.

More like a proper present? You know, it's very functional. I think it's nice. I don't like how it feels. It's too coarse. It's going to be like a cheap Halloween wig. This is stupid. This is not...

It's a toupee. You said you wanted to wear toupees. This is a stupid clown wig. This is stupid. You could cut that into maybe a little bit... Yeah, cut it into something cool. Put it out. Because I'm a hairstylist now.

I'll cut it into something cool while you read Super Chats. Here, I'll cut it into something cool. Put it out. Because I'm a hairstylist now. I'll cut it into something cool while you read Super Chats. Here. I'll cut it into something cool looking. Yeah. If you wear it. Yeah, just take a little off the sides. Yeah. Just give it to me.

I'll just put it on. What are you going to cut off? What are you talking about? Cut the sides off. I don't even have fucking scissors. Just sort of give it a little shape. A little shape up. Stupid. Read the things

Okay did you put them back up Once the wig fund is complete Says the city boy for 1999 Chrissy and her boyfriend should present it to Vito In a ceremony thanks for not killing yourselves Great episode I agree it has been a great episode How is your fiance doing

He's great Is he in town? No. Or he just hangs out at home with the dogs? No. He's like, you know, sometimes he has his son and he has to do that. Oh. And, you know, do his job because I do this.

What's his job other than booking or is he just a booker? No. He does other things. He has like a secret job. You don't have to tell me Okay good Okay I wasn't going to

Fluffer to the stars CG for $9.99 Vito is right Someone would have talked About elites Child trafficking by now Also unrelated Epstein was just

One of Clinton's now 57 random associates Who definitely Totally killed themselves Even with the Epstein thing though They never got like Like a kid It was always like What do thing though they never got like like a kid it

was always like what do you mean they never got a kid maria farmer damn but it's not like fucking raped me yeah they're saying you fucking raped me i'm saying they didn't say like and i saw a kid get like all his limbs cut off in an orgy of blood to like sacrifice to the great lord satan there's just a bunch of guys who wanted to fuck kids I mean that's terrible but I'm saying it's not like satanic I don't know why people call me a pedo-apologist I'm not apologizing I just said it was bad I'm saying there's no

where's the satanic aspect of it what satan thing did Epstein do what did he do that was satanic he had a weird little mosque yeah and out of respect to our Muslim brothers. If only he wasn't fucking kids,

you know? Yeah. Then we could all get behind it. I don't know if that's true. I'm just saying like that was the one thing where yeah, if you had like gone

and there was like a bunch of kid skeletons on the island, I would have been like, oh my God. But I'm like, yeah, of course, rich guys want to fuck.

I'd rather be murdered than raped. Yeah, that would be better if there's a bunch of kids skulled and be like, yeah, of course rich guys want to fuck you. I'd rather be murdered than raped. Yeah, that would be better. If there's a bunch of kids sculled and be like, well, you know, it's kind of odd. Things happen. It's a jet ski accident. I don't know. It's like a horror movie, right? Oh man, it sounds rough.

He didn't rape them, right? No. All right. They rape them, then murder them. Ugh, that's horrible. It's a double. Always. Our beef is back on.

The beef has been resumed Okay fair enough I'm not even defending it I'm just saying I don't think that Satan Was involved in it Alright alright alright Chrissy has a show to do Let's go

Pop quiz for 20 Easy money Mike hunt for 10 Dick tips Subconsciously women Consider different locations Different dates Met at a bar

Went to a restaurant Walked through a park That's three dates And a couple hours. Boom, sex on the third date. And Chrissy, if you do need to run out at any point, we don't want to... Brittany Venti says hi. Oh, hi, Brittany.

Give her a winky face. Hi with eyebrows. Tim K for five. And I also want to say, Pop Quiz, thank you for the 20. Tim K for five. Name one thing you like about deer, the forest animal, each of you. No. Spider and Turtle for two. This show is a train wreck.

Vote it up. Hashtag Vitox. Darius Renova for five. Vito, your problem was great. I'm proud of you, little buddy. Fuck you. Danny Fist for two. Nice super killer hat, Vito.

When is the super killer wig coming? I don't know, but go to superkiller.org, which I have just updated. And that is where the crowdfunding campaign will be taking place. Why don't you get like.io or something? I could change it. Org is just like. That's stupid. It's so governmental.

Yeah. It's better. I guess maybe it is kind of a. It's kind of like an organ. It's kind of clever. I don't know. You got to get to it. Nobody cares. It's kind of like an organ It's too clever I don't know You gotta get two Nobody cares That's not good

I'll send you a comic My comic, Chrissy It's gonna be at least as good As I saw Yeah, compared to I'll send you two So you don't have to open one of them Okay

Wow Let's see Arthur Tomlinson for five Hey, Vito Are you gonna explain Why Dick can't have a bank account? You can't have a bank account? I don't know

Why would I explain that? You just don't want one? I have many bank accounts. Mike Hunt for two says Chrissy, do you enjoy cats? I tolerate cats. Yeah, she loves cats. Chris Schofield for five. Vito is turning into Maddox. Unfunny lectures about biases.

Bald and weird around women. Fuck you. Who's that? Who's Maddox? Oh, we don't. Who's that? Who's Maddox? Oh, we don't have time for that. Oh, my God. Really? Is that bad? No, it's amazing.

Okay. You're going to have the most fun of your life. There's a rabbit hole that you can go down. He built his house. Wow. I mean, you're not wrong. Oh, God. Mike Hunt for 10.

Did you know that Violent J from Insane Clown Posse's daughter is a furry? He and his daughter made videos on YouTube called Snake Busters where they bust poor quality furry suit sellers. Wow, that's cool. That's fun.

Mail them. Ride Dog for five. Veto your hats backwards. Yeah, the camera's flipped, so when I look at Chrissy, it looks like I'm looking at Chrissy on the thing. Derpify for five. It says nothing. Best kind of message.

Cool for two. Thank you all for not killing yourselves. I agree. Derpify for five. Five Aussie dollars to remove the Biggest Problem logo overlay from right in front of Chrissy's collarbones. What is the point of even this? You know, he's

kind of got a point. Yeah, that was dumb. Where were you on that one? Sorry, I didn't think it through. Let's see. Why didn't you raise up her camera, you idiot? Ginormous Uber driver for five. Red Bar is watching. Shout out to Chrissy. We love you. You are the best guest we've ever

seen. Thank you to Red Bar. Darius Ryan Covas for five. Ass doesn't know what's in there. Even with eyes closed, the mouth knows every time. Shut up. You guys are idiots. The mouth always knows. The ass doesn't know what's in there.

The ass is a stupid organ. Ride Dog for five. It's homophobic of Vito to say that being gay is degrading. It's not being gay is degrading. I don't know what I was trying to say. I did kind of say that. Grab Zula for five for the gay poll. Vito is applying second base, third base logic.

I just think that you have stuff in your mouth all the time. Cox. And when you put some in your ass, it's like a whole special thing that exempt, you know, it's more than. Yeah, but you don't need to put stuff in your ass to live. You have to put stuff in your mouth

to live because you have to eat stuff to live. Otherwise, it would be gay to do that. If you didn't have to eat. Right. You guys are idiots. Let's see. Fatics the Great for two two You owe us three stingers Next week Vito Yeah that's not happening

SV for two Carol Baskin was a great guest This week Aww Exactly I don't think you look like Carol Baskin I did a Carol Baskin impression

Over the pandemic I forget what she looks like Like just for your own enjoyment Or I did the face layover thing I don't even think Carol Baskin was a bad-looking lady, was she? She did bad things.

She's a murderer. Yeah, she's a murderer. But most women are. Exactly six million. I mean, you're all aborting babies and shit. I feel like I really... You guys are coming in socks. 40% of women are murderers.

Yeah, we come in socks. It's true. Same thing. Exactly six million for $5. Started watching Simpcast when April from Steeltoe was on. Been a fan ever since. Who's that? April?

That's Mrs. Steeltoe. Oh. April Emholt. She's a cute little blonde snack. She's Aaron's wife. We're going to be watching more Simpcast. Coup for two. Thank you for not sucking, Gox.

You're welcome. Cara Froh, moderator of the stars, is here. $10. Great show. Great guest. Devin BT for two. I'm Vito. Let's see the Vito killer drawing.

That drawing was terrible. Devin keeps sending me these terrible fan art pictures. They're great. They're not good. Tortress for 10. Devin finally joined Patreon and became a veto file. Since it's more bang for your buck, you all flush. That's what he calls his followers.

I didn't necessarily say that. I mean, I call mine the Marian Nation. Yeah, there you go. That's the same as calling. Different connotation. That's true. Right. Hey, yeah.

You can be a file for all sorts of things. You can be an audiophile, okay? And these people are veto files. And fuck young songs. No, it has nothing to do with the age of the song. I listen to very young songs. I like new music. I like songs that are less than

17 years old. I only listen to Kidz Bop. They don't know what they are yet. I like songs that they haven't figured it out. I only like the Kidz Bop covers. Ew. Get rid of all those naughty words. Kagon Postal for two. Pretty sure my interrectum has more sensitivity. XSL for two. First

SC. Super chat. Oh, are trans... If they abbreviate, they're cheaping out. Don't read that shit. You're right. Yeah, fuck you. Pay the five bucks and ask the whole question. I think they're... No, they're abbreviating. Because you can only have a certain number of letters. Oh, you're right. They're abbreviating.

I just learned about that. Pay five dollars, you lose. Random user for five. Scott Adams went full Stephen Molyneux today, told people to flee black people areas due to 40% saying white people shouldn't exist. Did that happen today, Dick? I mean, if he says it,

it probably did happen. What are black people areas? Well, let's not get into that. Mr. Drunko, one, two, three for two. The last three inches of the condom. Get out of this. Cool hat veto, and he puts cool in quotes because he's mocking my excellent super killer hat, which will be available on the super killer store at superkiller.org.

What do you think about Scott Adams, Chrissy? Who is that? The guy who made Dilbert. Dilbert got his hot wife. Politics. Left him, and he's like a hypnotist, Chrissy. Who is that? The guy who made Dilbert. Dilbert got his hot wife. Left him, and he's like a hypnotist, he says. And he said he watched his stepson die from drug abuse, but it was the best thing that could have happened because sometimes people are beyond saving.

Damn. Yeah, he's like really hardcore for the guy who makes Dilbert comics. Wow. I don't know how you're not. You've seen him on Twitter, I'm sure. Dilbert was so dark. He's all over the for the guy who makes Dilbert comics. Wow. Yeah. I don't know how you're not. You've seen him on Twitter. I'm sure. Dilbert was so dark. He's all over the place.

I mean. CG for five says, I don't know. Vito's anchor baby problem is kind of based. It is not an anchor baby problem. You have misread the problem. The problem is anchorship bias. Dick's going to give us a refresh here. And I'm cutting the wig.

Okay. Let's do the wig. All right. I think that's the end of the Super Chess. Are you done with this stupid clown wig? No, because I was looking for scissors for so long. Well, guys, once again, don't forget you can vote on all the problems at biggestproblem.show. And don't forget to check out the bonus episodes at patreon.com slash biggest problem including our

most recent bonus episode the biggest problem in black history month chrissy do you have a big problem in black history month i think we know we could do one called the smallest problem what's the smallest problem your dick that's the smallest problem in biggest in black history month you got any favorite kundia memory the smallest problem in black history or the smallest problem in Black History Month. You got any favorite Kunia memories? The smallest problem in Black History Month? Or the biggest problem in Black History Month. How do you feel about Black History Month? I think it's dumb. Yeah.

What is dumb about it, though? Because you, it's like, what do you want? Do you want Juneteenth or do you want Black History Month? They only get one? You can't have both. The presidents get like five different days. Yeah, but they actually did some. Yeah, one of them caused Black History Month. Oh, but they actually did some. Yeah, one of them caused

Black History Month. Oh, right. We did have Obama. Have you celebrated... Lincoln! Have you celebrated Juneteenth yet? Who doesn't like red velvet cake? How is that black? Because it represents the blood of the slaves. Really? No, it's some other

thing, but that's what people assume. I love fried chicken. You're supposed to eat red food for Juneteenth And watermelon You have to take your hat off That wig looks exactly the same How did this whole clown wig Because he says he's going to wear toupees now Because he's so bald

So people are sending in toupees now Yeah, you look more fun all of a sudden to look terrible. Yeah, you look more fun all of a sudden. I look more fun. Yeah, you look like fun time. It looks cool. Yeah, it does look cool. And the way I cut it is stylish. Yeah, it is stylish. Honestly, if it was like a normal color, it would actually kind of work.

If it was like a normal brown wig, it's like a Jew fro. Wow, I didn't cut it to be any sort of a fro. Hold on. Here. What, are you going to style it now? Get him a wig that looks just like your hair, dick. Don't move! I got scissors

over here. What's gay? Sucking a dick or letting a man cut your wig while it's on you? I thought people were going to sound like nice toupees, not goofy rainbow trash. How much is a nice toupee, though? Not that much. Really?

How much do you think? I don't know. Well, if it's actual human hair. See, we gotta go to like a stylist. What do you mean? How hard is it to cut fucking hair? Isn't it a little late to pursue a toupee? Aren't you supposed to do that when you're on the edge? Nah, you do it when everyone...

Jason Alexander did it, and then everybody made fun of him. Look forward. I'm looking forward. That's pretty good, man. I'm doing a good job. Now you look like little orphan Annie, but like Pride Month. The sun will come out tomorrow. All right, you nailed it.

You're good. It's fine. It looks good. It's good enough for this stupid bit. It looks good. All right, there you go. There we go. What a show!

Once again, Chrissy Mayer is here. Get all her tour dates at ChrissyMayer.com. Check out the Simpcast on YouTube. Thanks for having me. This was fun. Do you not normally do this on Wednesdays? We do it on Friday. We made special time for you. Oh, wow. I drank on a weekday.

It kind of works. I'm not going to lie. We made special time for you. Oh, wow. Because you worked your way to our hearts. Oh, wow. It kind of works. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, it does. You can just be that guy who wears a rainbow wig everywhere. It doesn't look that gay. It doesn't look...

It looks less gay with the hat on. Yeah, right? It looks less gay with the hat on? Or more gay? Yeah, it looks less gay with the hat on. So gay. What's up? It looks like a Steeler's hat

It does look like A Steeler's hat It looks like you're Doing Zack Amico cosplay Get your super killer Merch soon Oh he's a New York comic Oh fuck that guy

I'm the new Zack Amico He's into wrestling He'll break like Lights on his head And shit Taking over Why are guys so into wrestling Probably because it's

Gay urges that are Trying to work their way out There's some of that too So the guy who went cross country To go to a wrestling event That was to see Ralph that's not gay Oh that's not gay that you travel across the fucking world To see your boyfriend

It's like it's performative It's like You took a 12 hour flight To go see your boyfriend in Mexico And you couldn't even make it all the way there He tried to Why didn't you stay in Dallas? For what?

I don't know You traveled however long To get there What if they're in Dallas? At least ducked Or dicked around Get out of black areas I'm like alright

I gotta get out of Dallas You could go to the Blaze You could have went to the Blaze I don't think I'm like Well liked by anyone I bet that we could get On Alex Stein's show Really? Alex Stein likes us You're talking a lot of shit man I bet that we can get on Alex Stein's show. Alex Stein likes us. I'm talking a lot of shit, man.

I have not talked any shit about Alex Stein. Okay. Alex Stein gets an eternal pass. I'm talking about shit about conservatives all the fucking time. Yeah, but we're funny about it, so it's okay. Alright. You could try. It's a new show. Alex, bring us on the show. Bring us on.

You see me now? I'll be a conservative commentator. Bring us on. You see me now the way he is? You can make me. I'll be a conservative commentator. I was on One America News last week. Yeah. They love me on there. All right. Newsmax. Okay.

I'm basically the alt-right as it is. I think you are. Now I'm the liberal. Yeah, I know. I'll be your shield. Once again, ChrissyMair.com. Get all the tour dates. Thank you, Chrissy, for coming by the show.

Thanks for having me And I hope Satan does not come for you and your children All right Goodbye, everyone I don't know It's a concern